#its been stressful and theres changes | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

moonlume · 8 months

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tumblr said draw something bad so I did but I'm mad I still didn't feel anything

#man i started tagging this and i cant even bring myself to do it. hashtag art hashtag illustration hashtag capitalism.#sorry to be sadposting... tumblr is the only place i can admit ive actually been really really struggling with my love for art...#i should be grateful. i should be thankful for the fact that i can do art as my job. i shouldnt be whining about it like this.#but theres a hole in my soul where my joy for creating used to be and i dont know how to fix it. i want to love to draw again.#its been like this for probably over a year now and i dont know what to do. i cant abandon everything ive been working on for 7 years.#im also unemployable. so its not like i would dare to quit moonlume...but i just want to find joy in it again...#but capitalism has dug its wretched claws into my skull so badly that everything has been feeling incredibly soulless. i hate it.#anyway. might delete this later. its unprofessional but this is the one website where i can let go of professionalism for 5min and be human.#i dont hate what i do and i really am thankful..i just i wish i wasnt so stressed about making everything look good and perfect and sellable #but at this point its subconsciously connected to my survival that every time i think about drawing i stress myself out before i even start #ugh idk. neither here nor there. cant quit but dont feel connected to my work but cant change what i do or i will alienate my audience 👍

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faunandfloraas · 1 month

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"Seungmin would be SO hot if he got muscle like, can you imagine?" You would be hotter if you shut your mouth but we can't always get what we want so <3

#the amount of times ive seen this exact comment or sentiment over the past 6ish months in particular #truly pissing me off <3 #like first things first- hes already handsome so if you dont see that... its fine. we all have different tastes but also be quiet <3 #but like we know first hand from him that he isnt particularly interested in the gym and working out #hes not a changbin. its not his thing- he goes to keep up stamina for live shows #and the fact hes been very specific in saying so any time anyone mentions him working out and going to the gym is so like......#its kinda obvious that hes doing a polite 'please dont hassle me about getting bigger' so he makes sure to always go Its For Endurance #and yet i still see this and also. um theres other members who are muscley so why does seungmin also have to follow that route?#like if you want muscle theres people you can go look at... but also half these people cant even identify actual healthy muscle #vs. someone being so skinny that they have no fat on them and somehow think thats real muscle so like lol #its been so specifically the past half a year tho like whats that about why #its really one of those be quiet im so tired #well on the otherhand i was so stressed about my doctors appointment but now annoyance took the worries place so 🤷‍♀️#like its funny how X should lose weight comments are recognised for being shitty but the 'x should totally change his physique' is chill tho #like if seungmin organically of his own accord ever becomes a muscle bro bc /he/ wants that than for sure i'll be like Woo go seungmin !!#but only if he wants it. not the fans being annoying not bc of staff or beauty standards not bc of the other guys

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angelpuns · 1 month

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Body hurts and brain 2 fuzzy to draw so y'all know what that means ( go to bed early time)

#been going to bed early a lot lately #but to be fair ive had body pain like every day ;-;#i think its cause Im working a lot more than usual #like 4 days a week #haha #this week is gonna be really really really stressful #yayyyy #anyway big boss comes to our store on Tuesdat #i hope i get fired itd be so funny #for what? idk #i just think itd be funny #also this isnt meant to be a vent sorry #im just writing it down cause i sometimes forget #which makes it hard for me to want to go ti the doctor #cause my pain varies a lot and when im imaginging the convo id have with the doctor #theres a lot of 'i dont remember the pain level or the area '#cause i have memory issues #and also cause it changes day to day #lately its been hands and arms which is a nice change from knees and legs!!#so yay for that!#those still hurt but im p sure thats just from standing all day at work lmao #anyway gn #done rambling #if youve read this far im sorry

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kayleerowena · 11 months

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adhd meds are costing me $150 this month because of the vyvanse shortage so: if you like my work and have spare change, i'm sliding this link to my tip jar in your direction very subtly

#kaylee.txt #not art #i'm not going to do commissions for this (at least at the moment) bc i still owe a few from the past couple months #and i don't want to add more stress onto my plate right now #but this whole situation is really quite stressful + i've been without my meds for over a week already which has sucked!#(also if you don't have spare change absolutely no pressure. its fuckin rough out here for everyone rn + theres plenty of other #causes worth giving your money to!)

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wisecrackingeric-2 · 4 months

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Can I be mega autistic here and vent for a second and ask if anyone else is lowkey scared for whatever the next RE game is HSBWHDNDJ

#having hyperfixations/special interests combined with a PARALYSING fear of change SUUUUUCKSSS MAAAAANN. IT SUCKS ASS #like realistically I KNOW it’s silly and I KNOW I’ve got nothing to stress over BUT ITS STRESSING ME OUT BAD AND THERES NOTHING I CAN DO #RE4R/Luis has been SUCH a massive comfort of mine and turned into a full blown special interest and I guess the thing I’m most scared of is #the fandom moving on and forgetting abt re4r/luis as a whole which again I KNOW is silly but I can’t control my brain!!!!#and also combined with the fact that Luis probably isn’t coming back to the franchise at least anytime soon is HEARTBREAKING man. like thats #my special interest!! that’s the thing I’ve poured hours of my time into!!!!! I’m scared to see people move on #he’s already a fairly unpopular character in the wider fandom too!! and the fact that the content we do have of him is ALL we’re gonna have?#I dunno that makes me so much more stressed out and anxious than I should be which. again. I KNOOOOOOWW IS SILLY BUT I CANT HELP IT MAN #THE AUTISM!! THE AUTISMMMMM #I dunno I’m expecting Capcom to announce their next game this summer fest and it’s genuinely stressing me out sm which I hate #I hate being so afraid of change it sucks so much man #anyways sorry for the massive vent I just had to get this off my chest cuz it’s been weighing me down massively and making me more anxious #than it has any right to BCNDNENDJXJ #and again the fact that there’s a solid chance we may never see him again at lest not anytime soon is so so so so so devastating to me it #again makes me so much more upset than it has any right to HDNSHENDJDJ #not to mention people who are already weirdly mean and nasty to people who DO like him. I’m Not having a Time rn

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saintirulan · 2 months

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my check in problem has been solved 🥹 the guy at the counter was lovely and we talked about pokemon for a bit as well (he saw all the pokemon plushies hanging from my pants lmao duehsusb embarassing but still an adorable interaction <3).

#i am not really processing the fact that im going back and its over and it will be another change of reality....#which is arguably a good thing given im on my period and just went through the heavisest of stresses #theres a family mart near where i have to board so ill just eat my last whipped cream sweets and try not to think about things #(typing this actually has me in tears oooops. dont mind me 😭)#everybody pray for my mental health. it will be some hard months ahead eywbsusb #i am also wearing two pair of pants btw. which he might have noticed bit oh well #im also on the seat near the emergency exit so they gavee instructions and i will be given further instructions once im on board #an ✨️experience✨️ which is what all these months have been about ig suwbusbs #(i spent ALL my money. literally all my savings dhwbwywbeu)#but im rich in the heart i guess <3

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nomairuins · 30 days

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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is

#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And #make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not #saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was #going to say #like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so #bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the #winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000 #other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but #i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its #been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody #responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple #muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it #but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like #im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good #solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start #all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the #punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4 #im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but #even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think #avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is #like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they #hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be #the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO #difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15 #minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case #it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel #stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and #tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i #tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction #like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint

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froghwon · 2 months

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hi 👋

#rambling #hi 👋#i know its been a while since i've posted #but i still lurk on here regularly :p #i dont really care to create content or scroll+rb anymore #but i'll keep in touch through dms if anyone wants to <3 or we can exchange discord info💞#i've become more active on twitter? 🤡🤮 but i still feel more comfy typing long rambles here lmao #theres a lot of ateez stuff if u end up looking at it #i been going through stuff the last few months :p #N E WAYS i've decided that i wanna leave my job in a few months 🙈#and the stress of it made me wanna come back here and use this blog like a diary 🙈🙈#i mean. it feels like it's the right time for me to leave #it's just the anxiety of not knowing >.<#also job huntings the worst 🤮🤮🤮🤮#but im ready for a change ^^#and i wanna be optimistic!! so im manifesting that the whole ordeal goes smoothly and im not unemployed for long!!!🙏#if u read all this. i love u and i hope u have an awesome week!! :) 💖💖💖#also reply with something good that happened to u recently!#celebrating u would help cheer me up rn :')#otherwise. have a good night! see u space cowboy

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betheflyinggrapes · 10 months

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daan doodles feat hands n a fem daan

plus a wallpaper that i made for myself

#fear and hunger #fear and hunger termina #daan von dutch #fear and hunger daan #i saw ppl drawing fem dan n i wanted in on that too. hello miss. slides off the table #ive been wanting to daw a daan wallpaper for myself for a while but theres Stress in drawing a desktop wallpaper u know #then i drew that doodle that ended up pretty decently during a meeting n i liked it enough to just run with it #i had to change his cigarette to his scalpel for Safe for Work Reasons n the reason is this is for my work laptop n i work with kids #its fine he tends not to hold his scalpel properly sometimes /j

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penisbilt · 5 months

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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL #really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us #ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great #extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore #the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog #its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow #i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating #i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one #i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it #theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget #anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by #there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad #cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now #maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that #im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away #ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free #i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20 #i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her #but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more #maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know #because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before #i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years #i dunno. i dont know #anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process #the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months #the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time #when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move #just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend

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3rdmissingsock · 2 years

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Now it's November! Horrific!

Its not too bad though. It's my favorite time to go for walks with friends

#im sorry i haven't posted in a while!#ive been so busy recently #theres never enough time to do things #clown husbandry #clown posting #clownblr #clown #clown doll #clowncore #clowns #clown dolls #clown friend #bookmark the clown #i feel like the changing seasons should stress me out but it doesn't #really its quite nice #my friend's sports are finally over too so now they can actually do things #and that means more clown adventures

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ofcowardiceandkings · 1 year

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the heirarchy of good habits for feeding yourself when you have brainfuck doesnt need to be all at once at all and in fact is probably best not to do it that way

start by making sure youre getting enough calories at regular intervals to fuel your body

then move forward to making sure youre getting enough fruit n vegetables in whatever form you can

then you can start to worry about nitty gritty things like salt intake or cutting out some sugars or saturated fats or more protein or whatever you need to do for your health

its WAY more important to be getting all the right stuff first than be cutting things out with nowhere to go

#like personally i avoid palm oil as best as possible for health and environmental reasons (its awful for both)#but if im having a shitty day and need food quick ill eat something with palm in it yknow #carbs and sugars might not be amazing in huge amounts for the long run unless youre using lots of energy but theyre something yknow #food politics are such a mess in general so im not out here to be holier than thou #far from it in fact ... i 100% get it as someone who still has a stress eating problem at times and has been VERY POOR and still isnt secur #and then theres the anxiety depression and whatever else like i get it ... and my sibling has crohn's we work around too when they stay her #its a whole minefield that changes on your specific circumstances but be good to yourself first and then worry about the rest #rory's ramblings

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imperfectcourt · 10 months

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I have been feeling closer and closer to being able to see through this wave of depressy and creating something. I even cleaned my apartment 🥺 I might not be able to write anything but I have 2 pieces of art I started ages and ages ago and maybe I might be able to look work on one of them 🥺🥺🥺

#one of them is of neil in a crown bc i had this vivid of what it would look like in the spring #been in an au kick lately #im making my favorite bread and soup today and ran the dishwasher and im not stressed by mess #i think the thing stopping me from writing is not being able to commit to a wip #bc i can only write when i become basically obsessed with the thing #and with so many wips its like my brain wont let me do that with just one #anyway #dont get your hopes up lmao #the other piece of art is one i started in summer of 2022 for a fic of mine #and i spent cumulative DAYS on the building it looks SO good and realistic #but as soon as i got to the body i just..... i cant get the poses and perspective right #i was so focused on the building and its so finished and perfect theres NO way im changing any of it #so....#lmao what even IS this post #its been 2 years since i last wrote and posted a fic wow that hurts

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taeyungie · 1 year

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hi ♡ i guess i'm back? 🥹

here's a little life update! i think you guys deserve it after my absence that lasted longer than even i expected it to last ;( i am very sorry about that. i miss everyone here and bangtan so much, you have no idea. the reason for all that is that for the past months i have been going through a lot of things and changes in my life. there were good and bad things happening, time flies extra fast, days melt into one and i didn't even notice the past half a year pass. although i think my absence was unavoidable in these circumstances i just thought that you guys deserve to know what's been up with me for the past months haha i have received a lot messages and reminders that people remember about me and that they miss me and i just want to send all of you my biggest apologies for leaving you for so long with no response, as well as all my love and gratitude! 🥺 i think i've been always fairly transparent on here so if anyone wanted to know more I'll leave some more details in the tags but basically I just hope that soon i will be able to become more active again and respond to messages ❤️❤️❤️ i hope everyone is doing great 🥰

#honestly... it was yoongi's comeback that made it happen. that made me have motivation to come back. i didnt expect it but here we are LOL #because for the past months i have been struggling a lot and i almost lost all the connections with my friends family and bangtan #i lost all my feelings and thoughts #i didnt miss anyone i didnt want to do anything i didnt want to be anywhere. i was completely submerged into my own head #i still am. it didnt exactly get better but.. its just yoongis impact jasbhdjdjd he made me remeber a lot #in october last year i developed a very agressive eating disorder and its gotten a lot worse at the begging of this year #and it has taken everything from me. it sucked me dry and still continues to do so. it made my mental health so much worse on every level #but im still here and thats what matters in the end right ❤️#from the good things - after long unfortunate and very stressful job hunting i finally got a stable job 🥰 and i continue my uni so far #that's why i was absent here most of the time. i decided to focus on my life and on trying to change something and to fight a little more #after jin's enlistment announcement... it was a wake up call for me #and maybe soon i will be back on track but im taking things slow. especially that its not easy for me at all #but i just wanted you to know that theres been a lot happening here so ❤️ im not just getting bored of tumblr and bts haha #i never stopped following the fandom i never turned off my notifications from media i never stopped looking up what they're up to each day #i just didnt have time and motivation to be active. because of my health i wanted to be quiet and away from eveyone and everything :/#even from my comfort people and activities #that sounds sad but. it's alright so please don't worry about me ❤️ I'm holding on just fine. got used to some things ❤️ trying to heal #so yeah i think thats that haha i think its enough and all basically #it may seem like very little but my life has always been very slow when it comes to big actions haha #anyway. love you all so much ❤️ thank you for not forgetting about me ❤️#soon i will try to answer some mesdages from my inbox. please wait for me just a little bit more ❤️ im very overworked right now #but im so sorry that you have to wait so long ❤️

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kait0taku · 1 year

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I feel like newer Vocaloid songs aren't as entertaining as the older ones. I wish more MVs were about the Vocaloids and features them instead of just random characters. I feel like there was more lore back then too.

HONESTLY SAME I'M REALLY SAD THAT ITS NOT LIKE THIS ANYMORE :(

#i've been struggling and stressing over that for so long #missing the good old days of vocaloid #but for now i just try to go with the flow #even if vocaloid culture has shifted and changed a lot #i stick around bc its my hobby and means the world to me #anyways theres still some gems that feature the characters so that part of the culture isnt really dead !!!#interactions

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yunogf · 1 year

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#been sitting in my car for 30 min after clocking out then just making up errands to have an excuse to do smth #so i dont have to go home &be alone until i have smth to do again (go to work the next morning) :(((((#hate how u can go a whole day w out seeing someone &think ok maybe i can get a good nights sleep but then they show up #10 min before u leave for the day &then ur night is ruined bc u have trouble falling asleep #then have stress dreams when u do finally fall asleep #😞😞#ik its bc i havent confronted anything but i dont see myself ever doing it or rather initiating the confrontation bc idt it's my place #like what right do i have to disrupt what someone else has going to bring myself some ease #idk this probably doesnt make any sense i just need to vent bc i have cried in my car everyday after work for a month 😭#im ok ive just landed myself in a particularly shitty situation but only for me #everyone else is fine 🫠#&im a chronic overthinker so i have all these thoughts just swirling around &festering #im driving myself insane &then whenever im around.....the other ppl in this situation.....theres never a chance to let any of it out #im gonna explode at some point i know it &i dont want that to happen bc i dont want to be mean :(( but i also dont want to grow to resent #anyone bc this shit hasnt been properly dealt with :(((((#ugh .#changing of the weather isnt helping i feel like im 16 again in my dark bedroom driving myself insane 😭😭

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