#its been on hiatus for life-reasons and not for lost-interest reasons

[phantomrose96]

i just caught up with a breach of trust and I don't even know WHAT to say. thank you? jesus christ? oh my god? my husband and friends all hate me bc I won't shut up about it? I've never read a fanfic that could hold a candle? a match even? I've been reading in all my spare time. I've had dreams bc it's the last thing I'm thinking about at night. then I read more over breakfast. WOW? wowowowow? thank you again?

(A Breach of Trust)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Thank you for being as brain-rotted as I am over this Utter Behemoth of a fic!! It's woven into the fabric of my being at this point.

I've poured my heart and soul into it and it means so so much to me, so hearing that OTHER people are like, bothering the people in their OWN lives about it? Wow. I'm very happy over the notion that there are strangers who know vaguely of ABoT because their loved one wanted to tell them all about it.

I've really loved building it up from an empty Word document. I'm really happy and lucky other people have come along for that. Thank you!!

[puraiuddo]

༺JazzProwl Fic Recs༻

— brought to you by puraiuddo -

This is by all means not a complete list of banger JP fics! It's my personal favorites—those fics that lodged themselves in my brain for one reason or another and never left.

Hopefully this list satisfies at least some of the sudden influx of interest for JP fics (and given how well rec'ing a fic turned out last time...) But, nah for real, not to make rec'ing fics fake deep or anything, but I think the fandom would be a better place if people were more unapologetically enthusiastic about fics and less afraid to interact with authors. So if you use this list to find some fics you have to promise to leave some unhinged comments! ٩("•̀ᴗ•́")و ̑̑

But before I start, I want to acknowledge the prevalence of potentially stereotypical depictions of Jazz in regards to his speech (❞), criminal/violent/sexual characterization (▾), or backstory/origins (⟲) in the JP/TF fandom. I've attempted to flag fics with the corresponding symbols above, because I'd like to recognize those problems while still rec'ing for a variety of other fantastic qualities. That said, I'm not infallible so please use your own discretion.

I've also tagged fics with "hiatus" if it's been a while between updates, but the author hasn't made a comment—these fics are especially important to interact with, b/c you never know if the author stopped posting b/c they weren't getting any reviews!

Now, without further adieu...

༺♡❦♡❦♡❦♡ -ˋˏ ♫ ♡ 𓆩𓆪 ˎˊ- ♡❦♡❦♡❦♡༻

༺JazzProwl-centric༻

Mistakes on Mistakes Until— by jabberish

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 280,212 - Alt-War AU』

Ricochet's got a bad case of conscience and he's pretty sure it's about to get him killed. (aka I think I've read every defection/ex-Con au and now I'm forced to make my own. Jazz-centric.)

* (づ ᴗ _ ᴗ)づ♡ The crème de la crème of JP fics. I really can't properly articulate the sheer amount of love and respect I have for MOMU other than that if you haven't read it, your life is worse for it. Go read it. Then read it again. Now. (I've read it 4 times. No, I'm not joking) I love all the fics on this list dearly, but MOMU holds a very special place in my heart. Flawless characterization, flawless dynamics, flawless plot, one-of-a-kind writing style... it's got it all. Of note: I've not flagged it despite its premise, because it will expertly subvert your expectations and you need to read it to understand. Bonus: it's got a lot of well-deserved fanart!

༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻

Untitled Series by Need2Scream

『(2/?) - ffn - Words: 158,064 - War AU - hiatus』

Where the Lonely Ones Roam - 116,327

"Say you have a little faith in me. Just close your eyes and let me lead. Follow me home. Need to have a little trust in me. Just close your eyes and let me lead. Follow me home. To where the lonely ones roam." Eventual Prowl/Jazz

Spark - 41,737 - hiatus

"Chase you deep into the unknown. In my dark, in my dark, you're the Spark."/ "Roam with me, come down to where all of the others fell. Get lost, in the dark to find yourself. Just remember what I said, 'cause it isn't over yet."/SEQUEL to Where the Lonely Ones Roam

*It's not clear by the summary, but the series is essentially about Jazz and Prowl's developing relationship as they overcome war-related trauma, intermingled with a spectacular amount of original lore. See the author's ffn bio for a rundown. The originality and attention to detail in the world building in this AU is awe-inspiring. There are 2 fics in the JP series, but the author has a bunch of other Gen fics set in the same AU and another on ao3. Bonus: some of the Gen fics are Jazz & Prowl-centric and can be read as romantic!

༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻

Crime in Crystals Series by Aard_Rinn

『(7/?) - ao3 - Words: 258,030 - Crime/Hitman AU - hiatus - ▾ ⟲』

The Hitman - 6,942 - pt 1

Prowl is the last clean cop in Praxus, the final flickering light in the darkness. There are plenty of people who would like to see him snuffed.

2. The Clarification, 3. The Kill, 4. The Capture, 5. The Prime, 6. The Talk, 7. The Chase 8. TBD

*The main plot is broken into 7 separate fics, but it's all one continuous story. Read the whole thing! It's on my all time favorites. It's thrilling, tremendously action packed, and the character dynamics are some of my favorites. It's also hysterical and wholesome and I've reread it a stupid amount of times. Bonus: it's got fanart + there are 5 extra fics, including a Jazz-centric prequel, in the same AU.

༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻

War Eternal Series by Hearts of Eternity

『(3/4) - ffn - 2m? idk it's insane - Bayverse War AU - discontinued - ▾ ❞ ⟲』

Where You and I Collide - 362,090 - prequel

Separately, Jazz and Prowl are like forces of nature- they are uncompromising and uncontrollable. But what becomes of their natures when these two unstoppable forces collide? Will one break the other, or will they both be stronger for it?

As We Come Together - 485,586 - pt 2 - Gen

While the surviving Autobots begin to flock to Earth in response to Optimus' call, trying to find a new home on the strange organic planet called Earth, some unfortunate bots are beginning to realize the price of war may have been too high. Sequel to Time

May We Never Let Go - 408,409 - pt 3 - Gen - d/c

Hell literally lies in wait above Earth as the Cybertronians and Earthlings coexist uneasily, rattled by every attack the Fallen and his master launch on them. With new evil rising, the powers that be on Earth and beyond are gearing up for war.

1. As We Come Together, prequel 2: Surface of the Sun

*Long, convoluted explanation coming up given that this series is obviously a whole different beast compared to likely any other fanfic series you or I have ever encountered in our lives... b/c the author is just superhuman or smth idk...

The series is officially listed as 4 parts (WYaIC, WTWHL, AWCT, MWNLG). Where You and I Collide is the JP-centric prequel to the other 3 Gen fics (that have substantial background JP). WTWHL is technically part 1 of the series, but it's sorta more character-focused ficlets than a continuous story... which is why I didn't specifically list it as a rec even if that makes things more confusing... (ᵕ¬��¬) Also the author didn't list Surface of the Sun as part of the series, but it's a direct prequel (like WYaIC) starring the Lambo twins and it's... oh it's so good... absolutely shatters my heart that it's been d/c'd.

I've not listed an exact world count, b/c if you want to read every bit of the AU with all its prequels and offshoots (which I would highly recommend and have done)... I'm not gonna do the math for you, sorry. The main 4-part story is ~1.7m+ which I realize is frankly insane and extraordinarily intimidating, but it is so sooo sooooo worth it. The author has created their own fully fleshed out TF world with its own lore and characters and the time and effort they've put into is mind-boggling .

Anywho, despite ultimately being d/c'd, the series is still tremendously readable and nothing about JP is left feeling unbearably unfinished. I also happened to track down the lovely author and beg for a summary of the ending, b/c I'm a bit of a freak and they very kindly provided it so if not knowing how a fic ends bothers you/prevents you from reading, you have the option of getting closure even if you can't have it written out.

༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻

Fathomless by Sroloc_Elbisivni

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 19,949 - Fantasy AU - complete』

Jazz is drowning on dry land on the other side of the world. Once upon a time, before Jazz was born, the Rust Sea covered a swathe of Cybertron bigger than the territory of any city-state except Iacon. The sea had been more powerful than any engine besides the one at the heart of the planet itself, big enough to swallow a metrotitan in its depths, the birthplace of storms. Thing is, none of that was Jazz. He doesn’t remember those days, before he was himself, except in his dreams. And his dreams are terrifying.

*This fic makes me feel some type of way... it gives me shivers. It's so eerie and the premise is so unique. It's also beautifully bittersweet, which is a hard concept to pull off.

༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻

The Judge by SilenceoftheLlamas

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 107,653 - Alt-War AU』

Prowl’s got a secret, and he’d rather be dead in the ground before he let anyone find out about it. Jazz’s got one too, but he’s not as good at hiding it. Prowl is a secret superhero, Jazz is a secret fanboy who doesn’t know that he works with the guy. By night Prowl is the virtuous hero The Judge, but by day he’s just an unassuming tactical officer.

*Jazz and Prowl are sorta painfully adorable in this fic and the JP is so sweet it makes my teeth hurt. Plus it's got a really fun premise with lots of shenanigans.

༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻

Black on White on Black Series by pipermca

『(3/?) - ao3 - Words: 86,248 - fix-it, War AU - complete』

Anamnesis - 31,097 - pt 1

When Jazz and his team are lost on a mission, Prowl has to carry on alone. But a discovery a thousand vorn later could turn his life upside down again.

2. The Ghost of the Howling Plains, 3. Pulling Strings

*Super interesting sorta-kinda-fix-it fic and/or explanation for the events and characterizations in IDW. There are 3 stories in the main JP plot line. Bonus: there's 2 "Extras" fics for cut scenes from the main fics.

༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻

Crystal Ghosts Series by Rizobact

『(2/2) - ao3 - Words: 85,688 - Fantasy AU - complete - ⟲』

Enduring as Crystal - 40,517 - pt 1

There were a lot of reasons Prowl visited the library. He never knew the most important one was waiting for him in the garden behind it.

Eternal as Love - 45,171 - pt 2

Prowl promised he would help Jazz, the ghost of the crystal chapel in the garden behind Praxus' central library. He just couldn't anticipate what shape that help would wind up taking.

*Another super unique premise! I love a good historical mystery and the imagery is specularly evocative! And I'm a sucker for the trope... which I can't reveal, because of spoilers.

༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻

Untitled Series by Vaeru

『(2/2) - ffn - Words: 10,766 - War AU - complete - ❞』

Descant - 7,925 - pt 2

G1/Jux compliant. Requiem sequel. Prowl doubted that his desired image of Respected Superior Officer came across very well with a half-scrapped mech clinging to his hand, but he loomed as best as he was able and glared.

*Requiem is Jazz-centric and I'd say more of a prequel to Descant than Descant is a sequel to Requiem... if that makes any sense. Regardless of how you view it or what order you read it, it's fucking brutal. (-‿-“) Bonus: author also wrote another really great fic called Transformers: Juxtaposition which is Lambo twin-centric and OC-centric, but perhaps one of the only OC fics that I've ever enjoyed.

༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻

Domino Milkshake by SilenceoftheLlamas

『oneshot - (1/?) - ao3 - Words: 24,886 - War AU - complete - ❞』

Jazz drunkenly pretends that he's dating Prowl. Only he isn't, and the mech is right behind him.

*It's a fake dating AU... what more can I say? I love the the begrudging developing romance and the meddling friends. Bonus: it's got fanart!

༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻

Hunter's Spark by WandersUnderStarlight

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 43,645 - Alt-War AU - ❞』

Jazz disobeys orders to abandon the ruins of Praxus and runs into one of the Senate's dirty secrets.

*This author also has a few more JP fics that I enjoy like An Offer He Can't Refuse and Long Patrol. I gotta offer aisclaimer though: the fics are... fairly cliche and a bit OOC. Hunter's Spark is much more tame than the other two, though. They're all sorta a guilty pleasure of mine, because it's fun to enjoy Prowl being a bit of a BAMF and Jazz being a bit of a damsel on occasion even if objectively I understand why it's not everyone's cup of tea. ("￣▽￣";)ゞ But the author definitely deserves credit for creative and entertaining premises and a really nice writing style!

༺☆★☆★☆★-ˋˏ ♫ ♡ 𓆩𓆪 ˎˊ-★☆ ★☆★☆༻

༺General༻

Little Brother by Meiza

『oneshot - ffn - Words: 64,542 - War AU - discontinued』

Prowl is infamous for being a logical, nigh emotionaless thinker who's better at battle calculations than interpersonal relationships. How he was roped into taking care of the last survivor of Praxus is anyone's guess.

*Prowl & Bluestreak centric, but Jazz has a solid amount of screentime. The subplot is pre-relationship, co-parenting JazzProwl and it's cute as hell. It's not 'officially' discontinued, but it hasn't been updated since 2010... so... At least it doesn't end in a cliffhanger. (╥﹏╥|||)

༺✩༻༺✩༻༺✩༻༺✩༻༺✩༻༺✩༻

Things We Don't Tell Humans by SineadRivka

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 363,057 - Bayverse War AU - complete』

This was a first for us Autobots; never before have we come in contact with a species like these humans, so eerily similar to our own race and twice as tenacious as Sparklings. The question was, how far can we trust the humans with our culture? Some things have translated between cultures without much effort. Other subjects, however…

*Please note the tags! Also... I'll be honest that I mostly skip to the JP parts and main plot points in this fic as it's about a very ensemble cast and I'm not interested in TF humans ... so I can't entirely vouch for the integrity of the whole thing. (￢ω￢;)

༺✩༻༺✩༻༺✩༻༺✩༻༺✩༻༺✩༻

Echoes of Messatine by MlleMusketeer

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 303,863 - Alt-War AU - complete - ▾ 』

Cybertron hurtles toward war, and only a handful of mecha see it. Not Megatron, whose inflammatory writings gain him agonizing attention from those on high. Not Ratchet, the Iacon Medical Center’s most prized practitioner, whose Dead-End clinic remains the worst-guarded secret on Cybertron. Not Overlord, whose iron hold over Cybertron’s underworld is beginning to falter. Not Orion Pax, whose concern over the sudden silence of one of his favorite writers drives him to take up his hero’s pen. Not Terminus, who only wants to survive. But Trepan and Senator Shockwave both know well what’s coming. One aims to use a defiant miner’s fall to crush the aspirations of the masses. The other wants to use that miner’s triumph to ignite them. Neither much cares about Megatron himself, or his ultimate survival. Therein lies their fatal error.

*Not clear from the summary, but the premise is essentially "what if Megatron got the matrix instead of OP" and how their pre-war lives would have to pan out for them to ultimately switch roles. Just a really fascinating, supremely well-done "what-if" fic, but also probably the weirdest one to put on this particular list, b/c JP turns into megatron/JP at the very, very end... but... I just kinda ignore that development since it happens in like almost literally in the last chapter and you can def read it as friendship up until that point... (¬⤙¬ ᵕ)

༺☓○☓○☓○☓○-ˋˏ ♫ ♡ 𓆩𓆪 ˎˊ-☓○☓○☓○☓○༻

༺Mature༻

*listen... don't @ me. They're definitely saucy, but they're not explicit. Yada, yada... hey minors, don't read these! ...But we all know you will so just don't talk to me or anyone else about it, cool? Cool. (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

Intermission by crabapplered

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 5,049 - War AU - complete - ▾』

As the war stretched on for interminable vorn, Prowl found himself faced time and again with the mounting stress of his position. Many of those times he was forced to face alone, the gear grinding stress sending him to Ratchet for system overhauls and forced defrags. But every so often he'd be fortunate enough to have Jazz on hand, and when he did, well, it didn't take much. Pressing Jazz up against the wall, cramming him into corners, pinning him facedown over Prowl's desk. It didn't matter as long he could keep Jazz still.

༺☓○༻༺☓○༻༺☓○༻༺☓○༻༺☓○༻

Audition by crabapplered

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 12,783 - War AU - complete - ▾』

If one were to be delicate, one would say that Jazz and Prowl are incompatible. The blunt truth? 'You just lie there with this blank expression on your face,' he'd been told by his last partner. Signal had stayed longer then most, willing to try since Prowl was so obviously doing his best, interfacing to please his partner and give him what Prowl himself disliked. In the end, though, it hadn't worked. 'You don't like me touching you, you don't like the mess, you don't even like the overload, and half the time I swear you're running economic simulations in your CPU you look that bored. I don't want that. I don't want you miserable, and I don't want me miserable, either.' So why can't Prowl stop wishing?

༺♡❦♡❦♡❦♡ -ˋˏ ♫ ♡ 𓆩𓆪 ˎˊ- ♡❦♡❦♡❦♡༻

That's all, folks.

ദ്ദി(｡•̀ω-)✧ ~Happy reading!

and for the shit tumblr search/tag system, i offer: #jazzprowl #jazzprowl recs #jazz x prowl #jazzprowl fic recs #jazzprowl fanfic recs #tansformers fic recs #tf jazzprowl #tf fic recs

[moniqa24]

UTY ANNIVERSARY DAY 1: Favorite Character

(BRO, IT'S BEEN A YEAR???? HOW DID THAT HAPPEN!?)

So, I've been chronically on AO3 for quiiiite a biiiiit and it's come to my attention that there are a lotta good authors on there! So, I figured, what better way to show some appreciation than to sketch out some of my favorite UTY fanfictions that relate to said favorite character God,mywristhurts—.

This isn't really listed in any particular order, because I cannot in good conscience rank them all because I love them for different reasons. A brief review will be given for each story, so I hope you'll indulge me in this unwavering hyperfixation caused by this stupid neural virus who has yet to leave my brain why are they still there—

HERE THEY ARE! (Reviews are at the bottom so you can enjoy the art—)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/52638082/chapters/133146358

https://archiveofourown.org/works/55105480/chapters/139718953

https://archiveofourown.org/works/54021868/chapters/136756735

https://archiveofourown.org/works/53578087/chapters/135622678

https://archiveofourown.org/works/56770771/chapters/144328246

(This was not on Ao3, but I added it anyway—)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/53950621

https://archiveofourown.org/works/57605017/chapters/146578669

https://archiveofourown.org/works/55715032/chapters/141433246

https://archiveofourown.org/works/52345378/chapters/132417538

CSO: What I enjoyed most about this take is how it deals with the consequences of Clover choosing their life over their mission. It is a conflict of interest for everyone involved, especially themself, and one can only handle that external (and internal) pressure for so long until they finally break.

JiB: Who woulda thought just being a liiiittle bit curious could cause a lot of development for our main cast? It's a fine blend of wholesome family moments and a lot, and I mean a LOT, of dying and Flowey ruining everything. It's honestly been fun trying to see what the domino effect is.

RtF: Slow burn, complex relationships, reconnecting of characters, and the wonder of a new life for two lost, revived souls. This has everything I enjoy out of a story and more. As I am not only a sucker for Kanako and Clover interacting, but also watching friction between characters, how it happened and why, and what eventually leads to something greater down the road. It's a beautiful read <3

DJ: Chara and Clover have a dynamic that is genuinely fun to explore, and I enjoy the banter these two have in this work a lot. They aren't friends yet, buuut, maybe they'll start to grow on each other. As long as Clover's alright with getting their body hosted from time to time—

(CURRENTLY ON HIATUS)

UB: I am a simple person. I see Clover & Kanako, I click—

It fuels my euphoria in ways I can't describe, they're so wholesome ;v; Between this and the lingering tension between Clover and Chujin, and the overarching conflict of interest, I am more than excited to see where this goes >:D

UTDR x DR: Jesus, take the wheel, but, like, what if it did—?

I just remember scrolling through YT and suddenly this came up on recommended and I just remember being baffled by the ending. Now there's a multiverse apparently, when did that happen?

I almost hate how invested I got in this very NOT series, but I find it hilarious out of context, which only makes it better—

Intervention: This one's a rollercoaster, man.

Don't think I've said "ow" in a fanfiction before reading this one. It's more than just Martlet dying, but the buildup to what leads to this point and the brutal aftermath is what makes this so strong for me. It's a dosage of pain, but it's well written, dangit—

SWM: I was close to adding "Calling Out to No One", but this tops it only because its longer, really. And provides a HEAVY DOSAGE of pain. I felt my heart ache like it did first seeing Pacifist, man, it hurt—

I enjoy a lot of DiamondDeputy's takes on the default scenes from all the different routes of UTY (they somehow made the worst scene in the game bearable, how'd they do that—) so this easily climbed to some of my top favorites, I especially love the insight on the journey through Ceroba's perspective, really helps drive that conflict of interest I love a lot.

ASoJ: How bad can housing a murderer of at least fifty people truly be? It's not like they'd have any ulterior motives or anything, noooo, that'd be silly!

It's another story with a conflict of interest. Between Martlet letting her good heart win over reason, and Clover seeing just what their violence has truly caused, it had me waiting for the moment where everything would crash and burn for everyone involved. And boy, did it burn.

(How we have pain in pacifist and wholesomeness in geno is a constant that is beyond me—)

Fo2T: Aand, finally, the story that started it all!

An action packed, fun filled adventure of dubious dealings and chaotic consequences featuring the most dysfunctional trio to ever grace the Underground.

So many developments, story wise, character wise, I ended up binging this story way too fast, and I'm probably gonna have to read it all over again—. I'm excited for it though, Frisk (Chara) and Clover eventually meeting, the memory dilemma getting attention, and Clover f i n a l l y getting their hat back (very important, a staple, really)

It feels like I'm watching a shonen, the way I'm invested in it sometimes. I've screamed over it way too much XD

(The fact that it took 20 chapters to get out of Hotland is honestly hilarious tho—)

If you somehow ended up down here, then I implore you to check these out for yourself, form your own opinions on them, and brace yourself because Blind is VERY long (but very worth it)—

[pemprika]

hnk ch. 100 thoughts (spoilers)

Making a full-on separate post because I thought there was a lot to draw from in this recent chapter... I needed to document it, so here is my veryy long thought bubble on hnk 100:

The chapter felt like a depiction of Phos in transition to accepting themself and adapting to a new phase of peace that they hadn’t experienced before. While young Phos had a carefree life, they were perpetually stuck feeling useless, never satisfied with the way they lived, and gradually lost all their friends, selfhood, and purpose.

It’s a little difficult to emotionally match the pacing of the story considering how often the series goes on hiatus now, but note that Phos had only recently come to terms with their own flaws and the reasons why everything ended up the way it did. They had a wish to be happy, and meeting these lifeforms allowed them to realize the meaning of their existence and be more content with it.

That poetic verse was introspective and contemplative. Rather than placing worth based on certain levels, like the gems’ hardness levels or Lunarians’ caste system, these rudimentary rocks perceive that all life is made equal. For thousands of years, gems tied their own value to a designated role, and if they couldn’t fulfill it, they devalued their existence. We saw a lot of perspectives throughout Phos’ journey, including how Rutile “failed” as a doctor for being unable to fix Padapradscha on their own, or how Dia “failed'' to live up as a diamond with refined fighting skills compared to their rivaled counterpart. Again, these are just flawed traits passed down from their human predecessors and the curse of immortality.

The chapter ending conveyed a hopeful conception that all things, primitive or refined, come from the same place (nature). I struggled to connect the details mentioned in ch 97 before, but it gave us sooo much foreshadowing to this new world. Dr. Ayumu said that, “the inorganic things that we had been using for ourselves will soon have a world of their own'', alluding that these little guys that Phos met are the new world.

 Interesting how Dr. Ayumu wanted Adamant to “build the bridge” and Phos to “burn the bridge” in order to create this “beautiful, rational world” to be a more freeing and less destructive place, and refresh the Earth to avoid relying on human values and qualities to stay self-fulfilled.

I was talking with @/mlkinis who brought up an interesting theory of using rocks in this new arc to symbolize the reversion of materialism. The rocks, elements derived from basic nature, have vastly different virtues compared to the gems, a class of refined minerals that developed a habitual routine of upkeep socially and culturally. While gems are also made from the Earth, they are perceived as high-value and are often polished to be artificially beautiful. 

One Buddhist principle reflects on detaching oneself to worldly possessions and desires, such as wealth, in order to attain inner peace, and it seems that having these primitive rocks is a representation of Phos “letting go” of the gem society, which may be another way of showcasing that the world is returning back to life as the way it once was, and that Phos is on a path to attaining ultimate happiness. I’m wondering if Dr. Ayumu’s line, “When you cross that bridge, burn it” refers to Phos leaving their suffering behind as they’re going forth to being happy in this new world that is coming to be...

Anyway, upon reading the passage, along with meeting the sentient rocks and hearing its rock friend sing the verse, I felt like Phos reconciled with their own self and existence, and melted from feeling at peace 🥺😭!! Thank you, Ichikawa as always… This was a very cool and comforting chapter for me.

[bebx]

Hey there! I hope you are doing well. I don't mean to bother you again as you are gonna figure out I am the same person who asked about your unexpectedly but hopefully temporary drifting away from ST sub fandom hehe. So I decided to do my homework and see if you probably left some clues or hints regarding your hiatus from it before but unfortunately I couldn't find any unless my dumb@$$ missed it despite thorough research as if I was looking for easter eggs in a deeply layered show like ST. My search report :- It had been going well on your side even when there was a drought in HC contents but slowly it lost the 'momentum' which I feel you played a key role in wonderfully building up yourself, ironically right at the moment of D-day which honestly feels like if reality had tv drama like loopholes lol.

So all I have now is what you last said to me that you are busy with stuffs and other things like hyperfixation on a character from Harrow series { although I haven't watched it yet but based on your enthusiasm which mostly resonates with my own interest, I have added it in my watchlist :) Cuz Bingo I can't tell you how happy I was when I found you with the same sentiments as mine after watching Damsel! } plus point is you did mention how he is certainly still in your heart and you are planning to make more posts and fanfic about him in future. So I decided to wait, months passed with more tempting Henry Creel info pouring while I still kept up with *patiently waiting for my favorite Tumblr user's ST fandom era to resurface as well as coexist with her new obsession of Harrow series*, so that one hyperfixation won't have to be sacrificed for another still worthy subject of hyperfixation :) Hence it has been quite an introspective and empathetic time but now I am like "okay at least lemme just ask her how she has been and what exactly is the status", to stifle my other apprehensive thoughts forming with the passing time as well as disappearing silver lining( as there is no sign of either Henry or JCB these days at all lol apart from Jamie Bower World Domination post) out of overthinking.

I always felt your contribution to this fandom has been immensely valuable and even though others may or may not have been enough reminding you that as I can see I am probably the only anonymous seeker regarding digging this matter up, I miss you and your blogs about it. I have mostly been a lurker kind so I never interactively participated in any discussion or thread but I have always inwardly appreciated people with a good taste of art. So even if anonymously, this is a great deal to me, sharing my wish embedded in vulnerability. *nervously chuckles* Idk if this is a stretch but given how what Jamie manually allows to be displayed on his tagged section had most of your posts, tells me that he must have subconsciously felt your absence lately too. The fact that this is true tho, makes it a reasonable theory.

So now after hopefully doing a great job at explaining the deep context behind my "ask away" here are the main deal of questions xD;-

How are you, once again? (I don't want to pressurize you into rejoining it earlier than you planned according to your life and schedules uk. Besides I don't wanna interrupt your balancing of multifandom fascination.)

Is there any particular reason behind this seemingly complete "switch off mode" which you can share? ( because my Spidey senses keep feeling it's more than what it is, could be false alarm tho) Could it be potentially because Stranger Things is so addictive, it is not possible to keep a track of its updates while continuing with hyper fixating on other fandoms?

If the aforementioned fear is unfounded, then here are my other theories and questions, have you stumbled upon the TFS spoilers of any kind?

If no, are you planning to watch it LIVE soon or later? (as the canon play is gonna stick around for a long time) is this why have you been avoiding discussions as they would involve major spoiling of the experience?

Or are you planning of watching it whenever it streams on Netflix as technically it just has to one day?

Have you been weakly following any ST S5 leaks? ( as we finally got a very *greatest leak of all time* kind of leak not even exactly 24 hours ago lol) [to tell you the truth- this is exactly what triggered me to get some clarifications from you, as despite knowing that I would open your page only to be greeted by Harrow, deep down I felt maybe you would say something about it because it directly involves JCB and it's quite making waves already.]

Did you check out the VR Game released this February?

Or are you taking a complete long break for a while because once S5 release date inches closer, there is no going back from its fever for another 2-3 years anyways? haha ( ngl this is my most optimistic theory I am clinging onto)

(optional question xD) Am I seriously the only one approaching you by bringing this old buried fascination or others have felt the same way too and they express their perplexity in your inbox instead?

(anyways I will be very grateful if you respond to my plethora of mystified emotions even though I think it would secretly answer to many other lurkers like me who found a sense of kindred spirit through you but are too busy abiding by their lurking policy)

hi, I’ve been looking at this for…. a while, because… oh my 😅 I understand that it’s been so long since my Stranger Things era, and I know some of my followers follow me for my Henry / ST content. I just didn’t know my silly ST posts actually have this much impact that they stay in people’s memories even after it’s been a long time. so this ask actually brings back so many memories. and I really appreciate that you’re still sticking around. really. I had to take a moment to just sit here and stare at this ask in my inbox and go “whoa” — but it’s a good kind of whoa. I am touched that you still remember, because gosh how long has it been since my ST days!

to answer your questions, I am fine and I am doing well. thank you. I didn’t mean to “abandon” my interest. and I AM still interested in the show. I still love Henry, even though I don’t really talk about him on here anymore. it’s funny because a part of me is kind of sad that I don’t talk about him on here anymore? to tell you the truth, anon, I don’t exactly know why? I mean… sure, my blog currently focuses on something else, but I never really stop loving Henry as a character. this sounds extremely cliche, but it’s the truth. I still love him and I still think about him and those time I spent writing fics about him.

I don’t know if there’s any particular reason behind this, according to you, seemingly complete "switch off mode" on my blog. but there’s no conspiracy theory or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about? I just kind of focus my attention on something else, for the moment, but again, I still do love Henry. just because I don’t talk about him here like I used to does not mean I love him any less. rest assured. he’s still in my heart.

I haven’t stumbled upon any real TFS spoilers, but that’s probably because I don’t follow many blogs that talk about it so it rarely reaches my dashboard anyway.

and I don’t live near the place where the play takes place, so unfortunately I don’t see myself traveling there to watch it live, as life has been a little busy for me here to take that kind of vacations. but I would have loved to. if the time were right. I do look forward to streaming it when or if it becomes available on Netflix though.

I haven’t been following ST leaks much, I can’t see “weekly” because I kind of just look at them if they reach my dashboard here or my twitter’s/X’s timeline. but I don’t actively go search for it nor do I avoid it for fear of any potential spoilers either. but I did just see the leaks you talked about, and I’m actually very excited. it actually reminded me of my fic “Salvation” — I’m not sure if you’ve read it, but yeah. gosh I am genuinely very excited.

though I haven’t checked out the VR Game. I mean… I don’t really play video games so that might explain why.

and no. I’m not “taking a long break” because I think there is no going back from its fever for another 2-3 years after season 5 is released. I don’t even know why I’m “taking a break” except that my mind has just been focusing on something else, currently.

also, yes, some people have asked, and I haven’t had the chance to answer them (I’ve been meaning to, though), so this might be the answer they were looking for as well? there’s no “real reason” behind my lack of activity when it comes to ST fandom, except that I’ve been focusing my attention on something else lately, but that doesn’t mean I love the show — or especially Henry — any less. I still am a fan of the show and of Henry. and I still love Jamie with all my heart, obviously. I still keep up with him and his music and I am so incredibly proud of him as an artist and a person.

I am super excited to see Henry again when season 5 drops. I don’t know when or if my hyperfixation will come back, so I wouldn’t wish to make any promises. but what I can say for sure is that, even though it’s not exactly a hyperfixation, I still love Henry just the same. I hope I will start making lots of posts and writing fics about him again one day.

last but not least, I will always love and support Jamie in everything he does. and he will forever be my source of happiness that keeps me going when things are difficult.

I also want to thank you for reaching out. it means so very much to me. if there is any further matter you wish to talk or discuss with me about, you are very welcome to drop by my inbox anytime.

(and yes, I still love talking about Stranger Things and Henry here. anybody is more than welcome to drop by my inbox to talk to me about Henry — who knows, it might re-spark that hyperfixation within me…)

[princeanxious]

are you out of the TSS fandom for good, do you think? just burned out on lack of updates?

I mean, it's complicated.

Edit: pressed answer instead of save to drafts while trying to back out, tumblr what the fuck

Anyway, it's complicated. I've become burnt out creatively lately, and I've been part of the sanders sides Fandom since 2018, it's been a big portion of my life, I'm not letting it go that easily.

However, this is my main blog, and I cant really shift everything to a new side blog, so I do feel bad for those who followed me exclusively for sanders sides are now seeing a v distinct lack of it.

But for the most part, yeah, I'm burned out on a lack of updates, I was a fander creator doing as much as I could to create content to entertain myself just as much as for others in-between the hiatus-gaps while awaiting updates. I love these characters with all my heart, but every gap in between has gotten longer and longer, I can't keep waiting for a year at a time for one single update even if the finished product is grand and *absolutely worth* the time it took to make. I was scrambling, bc I no longer have the time I used to to create my own fanart and fanfiction and animatics for this fandom, and I can only reread the library of my favorite saved works over so many times before I feel hollow and under-stimulated.

It'd be one thing if the rest of the fandom was as active as it used to be, I bounce off others creative energy far easier than single handedly manifesting my own inspirations all the time. But it's not, and interaction with my own content slowed way down. (Not to say that I'm leaving just bc of this or anything, but its become a struggle to feel motivated to keep going when there's literally nothing new from Canon to keep riffing from.)

I have the want to finish my remaining fics, specifically The Lost Guardian in particular at the very least, but I just can't solely be a sanders sides blog like I used to be.

I'll be here when that season finale comes out, but at this rate of progression, I think Thomas has overestimated the fact that this could very well be a series finale, not season finale. And I've come to peace with that, if only Thomas would be more transparent abt it.

Sure, Thomas has other content, but funfact, I've had very relatively low interest in getting super into it, there isn't the same level of comfort in shipping characters of a single person with the versions themselves when other characters played by other people are involved, especially when u know that they are alot of his v close friends. I don't ship real world actors together, especially if they play a character very close to representing themselves. The characters they play, maybe, but that's why I'm far more entertained and comfortable with animated media.

In short, I'm tired and burnt out and for now-for *whatever* reason- the silly lanky clown jesters from fnaf have more of a grasp on my brain than sanders sides does. I'm following the serotonin.

I may still create sanders sides content in the future, but getting maybe 100-500 notes on a piece when u have a fandom following of roughly 11.5k followers from over the years has spoken volumes on how active the community is rn. I'm not leaving, but I can't be stagnant and hyperfixate on this anymore after doing so for almost 6 years straight. Yknow?

And for those who have always left a comment, shared my work, interacted with me in any capacity over the years in this fandom, and have made my time in this fandom worth while, thank you. I love you. U have made every second worth it💜

[ihavethedreamies]

Hello, everyone!

I want to start by apologizing, because I am going on an indefinite hiatus.

I realize I have three series I have not finished (ATEEZ, Seventeen, and Stray Kids), and I'm not sure when I will finish them.

Part of my hiatus is for my mental health, but its good! I started this blog to write stories to try and get over the writer's block I had for nearly three years.

I had been going to college for Creative Writing and for various reasons, I ended up leaving my school. Because of bad health reasons (I have a genetic disorder), I ended up transferring to online school. My mental health was really bad for a long time. Everything I loved and learned at my first school with my writing teacher there, was contradicted by what my online teacher professed. I hated it, and I lost all confidence due to the way the second teacher taught. It was like I couldn't write what I wanted (Thriller/Fantasy) because what is selling right now is Young Adult Romance/Fantasy. I hate that, and so I just…gave up.

I had been planning a novel series for years, and all of a sudden, it seemed like the work was for nothing. After getting my physical health better controlled, and then my mental health getting way better, I started to write fanfiction. Thanks to everyone's incredible comments and notes, I got my confidence back. I feel, again, like I am a good writer, which I was convinced I wasn't.

November is National Write a Novel Month, and I don't plan on doing the whole book I have planned then, but the goal is 40,000 words. I want to do at least that much. Because I want so bad to work on my novel series, I have honestly lost interest in fanfiction. I want to do what I've been planning since I was ten years old; be a novelist. I want to get all of the stuff for my novel planned out before November, its a High Fantast/Science Fiction/Thriller mashup thing that I've made a world for and everything. I don't just want to start it now, I need to.

This took me several weeks to think about, and I've finally decided. I recently moved, I am going to start working as the IT person for my uncle and father's company, and eventually start a computer repair and custom computer building business. I am waiting to hear back from the SSA to see if I can get Disability so I can do the computer stuff more as a productive hobby. I went from a town of less than a thousand to the Denver area. Big change, and now, I have opportunities. I can actually go to a library, or used bookstore, or even the museum now, because there is actually public transportation (I don't drive). After 13 years of hating where I lived, I came back to the home I always loved and I want to live a life…Touch some grass for once.

I want to thank everyone who has supported me up until this point, and I'm sorry I have left some things unfinished. Please, continue to enjoy and share my work, I'm not taking anything down. I might even post something once in a blue moon.

Again, thank you for your support, and please, continue to dream.

Master-Master List

[noa-ciharu]

It's me 😎😎 with the ship questions-----// i bet you know which pair i will ask(?)

Ofc I know ;D

Ship it like FedEx

1) What made you ship them?

Actually once I got into X fandom I started shipping fuukam by default. I mean:

I'd be a fool to miss all that homoeroticism. However I didn't start shipping fuukam for real until I reread X last spring. It's a little bit complex what made me ship them so much and it overlaps with what's my favorite thing about them so I'll explain there.

2) What's your favorite thing about them?

In all honestly? Complexity of their relationship.

Of course, this is partially due to plot of X and particularly due to their dynamic.

What always got to me about their early X relationship was how tender and based on comfort it was. Kamui is someone with fear share of troubles, both imposed by his fate as Kamui and ones induced by his personality (and trauma). Yet even when he pushes those he cares about away he still craves comfort - which Fuuma provided effortlessly. Also most of the time Fuuma couldn't rly solve all of Kamui's problems but he often promised to protect Kamui in whichever way he could; also was physically very affectionate. Really, the number of times they've touched over few volumes prior to Fuuma's transformation is ridiculous. They just can't keep hands of one another, and not just in sexual manner, but rather gentle and comforting way of touching. Physical touch is love language of theirs

However once Kamui chose his fate and Fuuma fell into role of Dragon of Earth, their relationship took on a rather tainted and complex turn. And while it's easy to say homoerotic aspects of their late X relationship are most intriguing I'd disagree on that - it's the yearning and devotion that truly got me hooked onto fuukam

Despite all the pain and tragedy Kamui had been through, he still cannot give up on Fuuma. Obsessive and maladjusted emotional response yes, but X at its core is a story about deeply troubled and tragically individuals. In Clamp's works, having a wish translates to having a reason to live. If Kamui were to give up on Fuuma he wouldn't have anything to push him forward, nothing he would wish for. Hence even in moments of doubt, even when Fuuma hurts him and those around him, Kamui cannot stop wishing.

Now what's interesting is that Kamui is the only one who insists doe!Kamui is 'Fuuma' so it's sort of rly complex love triangle situation: Kamui years for old Fuuma and refuses to accept person in front of himself. Which leads me to another question: what is doe!Kamui precisely? And that's a million dollars question because X is unfortunately on hiatus

Alright, it was clear as day Kamui was obsessed/yearning for Fuuma, but what about doe!Kamui?

It's his expression when he thinks about Kamui that speak the most.

My working theory is that Fuuma's wish is for Kamui to continue existing no matter what (similar to what Yuuko wishes for Watanuki); that Kamui prioritizes himself first and actually wishes to live for himself. Because in process of loving 'Fuuma', Kamui lost sight of himself and ended up hurting Fuuma in process. Now I don't have answer for why doe!Kamui hurt Kamui in the first place, but if theory of doe!Kamui representing Kamui's subconsciousness/shadow self is correct, then it's possible part of Kamui's self-destructiveness is portrayed that way. Or doe!Kamui's version of 'love' involves trauma for life...

So yes, it's the psychological aspects of their twisted relationship that's most intriguing to me. Doe!Kamui is someone who's akin to Judgment arcana, someone who's above humanity (while possessing little of humanity himself - his connection to Kamui) and has insight into their psyche. He has tremendous of awareness of human's nature as well as self awareness. Kamui on other hand, he's in denial about own wish; it's probably so ego dystonic for him to conscious think about that he pushed it deep into subconsciousness. Doe!Kamui wants him to realize that wish, as well as accept him as other Kamui, rather than 'Fuuma'.

So many questions, not enough answers 😭 I'm a brainstormer so I doubt I'll ever move from this fandom until I get proper answers for what was going on with Fuuma and Kamui, be it via clamp or some amazing fan theory

Also im forever in love with the way 'Fuuma' looks at Kamui here:

Such emotional and conflicting expression I cri ;-;

3) do you have any unpopular opinion about them?

Hmm, not really about their relationship per se, but I wouldn't count theories I had about various X plot stuff because I don't even see X theories nowadays 😂😭 so I wouldn't even know if it's popular or unpopular opinion to have. I once read theory that deep down Kamui's wish was to bring destruction to the world and even if there's nothing too solid in canon to confirm that theory kinda stuck with me.

But beside that I sort of noticed fuukam isn't rly popular in clamp fandom? Honestly at times when I post about them or write fics I sometimes feel like in screaming into void ;-; I get X fandom is old and that ships like fuukam aren't everyone's cup of tea, but I wish fuukam was at least a little bit more popular; like on douwata level maybe, maybe even seisub level of popularity would be fine. X is one of clamp's most popular series, I get that fandom isn't enormous but sometimes it feel like a graveyard 😔 on other hand I'm always pleasantly surprised whenever I see fan arts, headcanons or fics about fuukam (or even just Fuuma).

[evita-shelby]

Of Gods and Witches

Chapter 19

A/N: so imma be going on hiatus for a while and we know the reason why. So until the situation with Tenoch Huerta is resolved, i will be putting off updating this fic as i cannot write it without feeling a bit 😬 about it all

Enjoy, anyways

--

Gif by @kukvlkan

Taglist: @thegreatdragonfruta @urgonnaneedabiggership @v3d3rl1cht

Eva has never considered herself cowardly, but then again, she has been lying about her health for the past two years to avoid the talks that come with it and those looks of pity she loathes so much.

So, after Ch’ah shows Shuri the beauty of Talokan’s main city-state and the sun that rises over it, she finally answers the young woman’s burning question.

“You are not a mutant like him.” She points out when they return to the hut and find her giving Itza to her nanny.

They usually do not employ a nursemaid for the girls, but Eva’s waning health does not allow her to keep up with her five-year-old child anymore.

Once this is over, she will make up for lost time.

“Yes, and no. I am more like the woman called the Scarlett Witch, in that I am both capable of magic, but also have genetic mutations passed down to me from my ancestors.

Despite how great I look; I am actually quite old. You see I was born in the year 1896 in a period known in Mexico as the Porfierato and grew up during the Second Revolution. When I was twenty-two, I was put under house arrest for sedition and due to the immense boredom, that came with it, I decided to try my hand at summoning Quetzalcoatl.” The witch decides against a detailed story about her life, there will be time for that later and while, Shuri seems to have done research on Post classical Mayan artefacts, she likely has no knowledge of Mexico’s history.

“Instead of summoning the true Feathered Serpent God, she somehow managed to summon me.” K’uk’ulkan said with a rather nostalgic smile and a firm squeeze of Eva’s hand. “I saw her dancing on the beach outside of her home and felt a connection to her as if I had always known her.”

“Later I would discover the spell I had found was to summon one’s soulmate but by then we had met, fallen in love and been married for several years.” This was the story they told everyone.

And yet all those details that they hold deep in their hearts occasionally manage to be found in murals, novels and stage productions of how Talokan came to have its queen.

“How did you manage to live underwater, if you don’t mind me asking.” Shuri, who has no real interest in romance asks the question they needed her to ask.

Eva answers by showing her the bracelet.

“The chief sorceress of Talokan taught me the runes that allowed to appear as human in the surface without the need for a rebreather. K’uk’ulkan, as a token of his love, gave me the bracelet made with the fibers of the plant that saved the life of his people, but most importantly, his mother.

I was able to cast the runes on it due to its significance and origin and live just as he does.”

And because it is all that is left of the vibranium flowers, she will have to give it up to live like him in truth instead of dying like the Black Panther did.

When Namor gets summoned onto the surface by the queen, Eva takes her chance.

“There is something else, Shuri. Something I need you to swear you will do no matter what happens.” The seriousness in her face causes worry in the young princess.

Her eyes widen thinking she is asking her to protect her children and the Talokanil, something Eva knows she doesn’t even have to ask for.

“I give you my word, as Princess of Wakanda.” She says readily.

And yet it doesn’t stop her from gasping when Eva removes the bracelet from her wrist.

The glamour fades away and Shuri is presented with a ghost of her past.

Her brother.

“The key ingredient to the cure lies in the vibranium flowers. I cannot make it grow, the soil here does not allow it to, and I cannot risk the surface world.” Eva begins explaining. “You are my only hope.”

“What do you wish me to do?” she asks, and Eva just gives a grateful smile as she gives her the bracelet.

“Take it and recreate the flower in your laboratory. Your people need the Black Panther just as my disease needs a cure.

One flower is all I need to live.”

Eva had not expected the Wakandan warrior woman.

Nakia, mother to Prince T’Challa son of T’Challa, she could see it even as the guards hurried to protect the queen and prevent her from freeing their prisoners.

“Let them go.” She orders the guards who no longer think she is as powerful as she had been.

“My queen, what has she done to you?” the guard holding a knife to Shuri’s throat asks thinking the worse.

“We must kill them.” The senior guard overrides her command due to her sudden change in health. “They have hurt our queen!”

And when Eva lifts her arms to cast a shield on the girls, Nakia fires her weapon and doesn’t miss.

Eva sees the blood on her chest as she slumps forward, and all hell breaks loose.

They took her.

It was a trap.

All there was left was a dying soldier and blood.

So much blood.

This was an act of war.

“Our people invoke my name when they pray for protection. Their deaths will not go unpunished.

Gather the city.”

They took his wife and mother of his children and Wakanda will pay the price.

He had been blinded by the hope of finding an ally in the Wakandan Princess.

To find a way to keep Talokan safe and know there would be someone out there to aid him in that.

And they had killed his wife the moment his back was turned.

If the queen wanted war, Namor would give her what she wanted.

Eva hates the cold white of modernity.

Hates the pastel colors of hospitals and the thin papery feel of the clothes they make her wear.

Her queen’s regalia is replaced by bandages under a loose button-down shirt and pajama shorts.

These too were white.

She’d kill for something darker, like black.

Black is such a nice color.

The nurses and doctors speak in a strange language, Wakandan or Xhosa, she cannot quite place it.

She is awake, she is alive, that much she can understand.

“Easy, your grace, your injury has been giving us a challenging time. Your illness complicates the healing process I am afraid.” One of the women, a bald one with an overly sweet nature, said as they helped her sit up.

Fluffed her pillows and offered her something to drink and everything.

“Where am I?” she asks in English.

“You are in Wakanda.”

[avitus-ostrander]

5 comfort characters & 5 tags

Thank you @sonderlativ​ for the tag

#1 - Varis zos Galvus (Final Fantasy XIV) 

Many of my favorite characters are not necessarily comforting. I do not handle character death exceptionally well. After being brutally emotionally tortured by Blizzard for years as they slowly and agonizingly character assassinated and killed off a character I loved (who at the time was a comfort character, helping me recover from another character death), I was left unable to get attached to anyone. 

Enter Varis.

I remember finishing the ARR MSQ and seeing him show up and thinking “ooh the new emperor is really attractive…” and that was kind of fun. I hadn’t experienced that sort of instant pull to a character in quite some time. It still took an act of will to allow myself to actually get attached to him. And then, after some agonizing, I decided to ship my player character, Aurelien, with him. This was the most self-indulgent thing I had ever allowed myself to do. 

He also got me back into drawing after a multi-year hiatus. If anyone wants to see some random shipping pics, they can be found here. 

He’s a serious, dedicated, deeply flawed person, and I love him immensely. Also, his relationship with my OC is possibly the only ‘healthy’ relationship I have ever written. 

#2 - Millions Knives (Trigun)

This will come as a surprise to (probably) no one who is following me here. 

So I’d been having a pretty difficult time and was struggling a lot. I’d pretty much given up on being alive and was just mindlessly counting down the days. 

Then my best friend suggested we give Trigun Stampede a try. I was skeptical, because reboots often burn me and Trigun was something I loved from my childhood, but I figured if it sucked we could hit the bricks. 

When Knives showed up and announced his presence by playing the piano, I completely lost my mind. I instantly felt something I had not felt in SO LONG. I regained the will to live. I felt EXCITED to be alive again. 

I really tried to fight it for a few days, but I couldn’t. I gave myself an undercut. I smiled uncontrollably at any mention of anything even tangentially related to him. Hearing a single note from a piano made me feel like I was going to faint from joy. Finally, I confessed to my best friend that I was deeply obsessed. 

The reason he does not make the number 1 spot is because this fixation has come with some serious emotional upheaval, as I evaluate some of my unresolved issues that I see reflected in him. And also, Varis is such a minor character that I just didn’t see that much negativity about him. Knives is in the spotlight a lot more, so it can be more challenging to just casually indulge without running into people who hate him. 

No one has to like him and I can see why some people wouldn’t, but he brought me back to life and sometimes I just want to be able to feel happy about that.

[Honorable mention here goes to Legato for helping me through my Knives-based angst when it comes around. He was my favorite from Trigun in my youth and one of two characters I built a character shrine for (if anyone remembers those).]

# 3 - Erwin Smith (Attack on Titan)

This one is a bit more obscure in its reasoning. Levi was actually my favorite character in Attack on Titan, but I wrote this figure skating/hockey AU where Erwin is arguably the best figure skater in the world and, just before he can prove this in competition, he gets injured and has to give up his dream. 

Years later, a bitter and aimless Erwin discovers Levi, who is participating in underground murder hockey tournaments, and decides to take him under his wing. Erwin regains his sense of purpose. Levi stops risking life and limb on a daily basis. And I got insanely attached to Erwin while working on this crazy AU. 

There was a comic I was working on for the prologue for it, but I only got 3 and a half pages in, because I couldn’t figure out how to render the climactic scene. (for those interested: pg 1, pg 2, pg 3) 

#4 - Yuri Plisetsky (Yuri!!! on Ice)

I swear I don’t exclusively like angry blondes… 

But I might (almost) exclusively have them as comfort characters. 

Yuri on Ice is in general one of my comfort shows. I’ve loved figure skating since forever, so an anime about figure skating was a dream come true! It doesn’t hurt that the main characters are adorable. 

But this mega grouch was my favorite. He is angry and standoffish, but really soft on the inside. And he’s an incredible skater. What more could I ask for? 

(Everyone should brace themselves for the potential that everyone on this list will be drawn skating at some point, if they haven’t been already) 

#5 - Malokh Skullsplitter & Auralion Duskwither (World of Warcraft)

So these two are OCs. As such, I don’t have any great color pictures of them. I started coloring this one, but it’s stuck on a tablet that needs fixing. All of my other pictures of these two are even more outdated, so this will have to do.

I haven’t played WoW in ages and am not sure I ever will again, but I still love my characters dearly. 

Aura is a Blood Elf shadow priest. Malokh is an Orc warrior. 

Anyway, Auralion has been my absolute favorite OC for about… 13+ years now? Like everyone else on this list, he is an angry blonde. He’s also a (very slightly) older twin. When I don’t have a current obsession, I draw/write stuff about him. This is not his proper hair. This is his hair growing back after he was nearly incinerated. Here is a picture of how his hair normally looks. 

While Aura embodies a lot of my struggles and I channel a lot of my angst into him, Malokh embodies a lot of the things I feel like I need. It’s about to get kind of personal here so feel free to skip to the end… 

As a little kid, I had the misfortune of simultaneously finding out that death was a thing and that it could be violent and terrible, and I never felt safe again. My parents comforted me by telling me that I was not important enough to murder, and my takeaway was “these people won’t and can’t defend me.” So I decided I would be the person to defend the family. I became a very aggressive, very cruel person because I didn’t feel safe unless I was the worst person in the room. 

But really, all I wanted was for someone to say they would protect me. 

Malokh embodies all the things I wanted as a kid. He is fiercely loyal, compassionate, intelligent, patient, and he would absolutely wreck anyone who threatened the people he loves. 

I have loved orcs since I was a little kid and first played the original Warcraft RTS game. There was something very comforting to me about being so big and strong that you didn’t really have to be afraid of humans. 

I ship him and Aura in the red quadrant (because I do Homestuck style shipping for some of my OCs). 

And Malokh has black hair, so he breaks the pattern!

Anyway, tagging: @skuppycake​, @dragonofeternal​, @evilgeometry​, @setsuntamew​, @arahith​

No pressure if anyone does not want to do this or doesn’t have time! I tried to message everyone to make sure it was okay, but I am not sure if all of the messages got through. I was getting a lot of ‘message not sent’ errors and lately when I try to comment on posts it takes multiple tries for anything to show up.

[icharchivist]

1, Hi!! I used to come by years ago, I absolutely loved, and still do!, your blog, its a fantastic place, so many interesting stuff, it really is like an archive for me haha I don't have much to add, only some shower thoughts if you don't mind me. I never had the chance to dump them on anyone o(-(

omg, hi there!!!!

first of all, thank you for the sweet message! i'm glad you used to like this blog so long ago and still do now 🥺 i haven't really talked much about dgm those past few years so i'm really touched that you think so despite it all, and more than that i'm just really glad that you can still go back to the archives of this blog and have fun!! i'm really glad to have you here!!

Answering the rest of the asks under the cut <3

ooh you mean this page?

it's really too ambiguous so i guess it's mostly that there's nothing really to theorize per se, especially since in the next page Allen remembers a bit of Nea, so i would assume the "?" we all had turned into "oh it's probably one of the Campbell twins".

But mhmm i'm rereading the bit and yeah, considering Nea introduces himself in his memory on the next page it could be probably someone whom Allen knew before that time.

And as a "PastA was a Bookman apprentice" truther, i do feel like his clothes there are reminiscent of what young!Lavi used to wear as well.

Honestly i could perhaps see Bookman Senior being the one holding him like that. Like.... I feel like we can interpret everything we want about that but i feel like Bookman Senior particularly reminding Lavi to not form attachment and even being a bit cold toward him at times could be direct reactions from the reasons he lost his previous apprentice. What if he was too soft with his previous apprentice, what if it made the apprentice care too much about the people making history so much so it got him involved? As such, i could imagine it be Bookman Sr genuinely being emotional with PastA, the type of affection that doomed him, and that now Bookman Sr is less willing to give out.

Or, like you said, it could be anyone else. A parent, a friend, anything. I could imagine it being a family member of some kind though, considering how much this arc is specially about Allen getting adopted by Mana and how much Nea still haunts him. In a sense Nea is the thing that keeps getting in between Allen and his family, so to have this flashback interrupted by Nea could be an extension of that, of the family he turned his back on when Nea entered his life.

i didn't think about it much but i could see it. or. well. I can fit my theories into this single panel so LMAO.

I don't think you're wrong, especially seeing the Alma arc. Tbh i'm still thinking and haunted by this arc specifically because well, I was there Gandalf ect, i was there when dgm was at the height of its popularity in 2008/2009, i remembered how many shounen fans were really into the saga and would be widely homophobic to the notion of any of those characters being possibly gay, and i remember very, very clearly the moment the plot point of Alma being Kanda's love interest dropped, unambiguously, and how much of an uproar it was. I remember people jumping ship THERE, before the manga even went on hiatus.

And i swear i remember Hoshino mentioning that her health really started to become worse when she had to fight her editors for what she wanted, and that the Alma arc was one of those. She had to set it up in such a way that her editors couldn't take it away from her, by having Kanda set up on finding Alma early in the story, building up the Alma arc, and only then later in the arc going ":) well Alma is the love Kanda is looking for. And i can't take it back without ruining this entire arc. so what do we do."

and it DID cost to the series at this point, it WAS something that got a lot of pushbacks.

Nowadays i feel like Hoshino is probably more free to do whatever she wants, esp since there's been more casually gay rep in shounen ever since, but at the time, i remember it causing a huge stir in the fanbase.

And hell i remember at the time the people who were translating the manga after it got out of hiatus in 2015 or so was a huge popular manga website where a lot of casual shounen readers were tuning in, and i still remember seeing hundreds of homophobic takes in the comments at the time, especially regarding Kanda. A lot of casual shounen fans have completely wrote of the series because Hoshino "let her BL lenses stain the series" and that therefore for them they can only read the newer dynamics with that lenses, especially when Kanda is involved.

(and it doesn't help Kanda was like. THE symbol of masculinity for the guys i met in the shounen fandoms at the time. The fact he was the one who got this plotline got them PISSED because they were projecting this idea on Kanda and i could still see it in the mid 10s.)

I think Hoshino is well happy writing Shounen, but she doesn't mind also talking about any sort of love into it, she did mention she wanted to show what her definition of love (in all of its form, not just romantic) was in her story, so i think it's an extension of that. But Hoshino did pretty much fight for Kanda to have his relationship with Alma. I'm honestly inclined to believe Alma had to die as a compromise to the fact she basically set up a lovestory her editors could not possibly cut.

But her editors causing her problems have been at the root of any clunky dgm plotpoints anyway. The Destroyer of Time's prophecy came from her editors. Allen was a transwoman in the first draft and was changed to a cisguy because her editors argued "no one would care if a female MC was to cry, so we need Allen to be a boy for it to count". her editors told her to cut down appearances of the Earl while Hoshino always wanted to have him as a main character (which is likely why now that she has more freedom thanks to her new deal, we've been getting full arcs focusing on him). Her editors pushed her to change Lenalee away from the character she wanted her to be. So long and so forth.

Honestly i still look back at the Alma arc in awe because it truly was Hoshino putting her foot down and making sure her editors would not be able to change her vision this time and i still admire it.

but man sometimes i mourn for the story DGM could have been if the editors haven't constantly been restraining her. Obviously, there's always moment an editor helps out in pacing a story or helping some focus, but with dgm you can sense on some point how some elements just. didn't really help out Hoshino's vision and it's so sad.

Nowadays it seems her editors are giving her more freedom, and it's about time. It's just so damn sad that it came when her health has become too fragile because of the constant strain that has been on her in part because of her old editors.

I for one am looking forward to see where it's going and i will be patient, but yeah. Can't wait to see how that goes either.

It's nice to hear those thoughts though so if you feel like rambling more, the inbox is opened!

Take care and thank you for the sweet message <3

[girltomboy]

Watched & read

I kept putting off making a post about this, but a few weeks ago my bf and I watched The Banshees of Inisherin (we got stuck in a "what should we watch?" cycle and decided to pick this one because it sounded fun). It was incredible, probably one of the best movies I watched this year, and it deserved every award and praise it got. It starts off as a regular, pretty sad but not particularly unremarkable story of a friendship breakup, apparently one-sided and out of nowhere. We know such a situation in real life, it's sad and seemingly irrational, but it's nothing wild. But then the movie spirals into this brutal, absurdist madness, a ridiculous and crude battle of egos and petty but deadly mistakes. It's a well-written and absolutely gorgeous black comedy that doesn't shy away from digging into the muddiest side of human nature. My bf and I talked about it for days afterwards, and even told our friends about it (since it hits a little too close to home for some of them 🤡).

The next movie I'm making this post for/about is It Lives Inside. My friend and I saw the trailer for this movie at the cinema not long ago, and it looked pretty interesting so we added it to our watchlist. Since we couldn't watch it at the cinema (our favorite seats kept getting taken & we couldn't make online reservations for it, for some reason) we found it online this weekend and watched it. It follows the story of an Indian teenage girl in America who faces tension from her mother at home, for rejecting her Indian culture. She also has a dispute with her tormented childhood bestie, and ends up unleashing a malevolent spirit that takes her friend away. I didn't really get most of this movie tbh, it either had an abysmally small budget because the narrative relied a lot on vibes (not even the good horror kind, just Nothing), or it was very very badly written (the latter is definitely true regardless of its budget). The acting was terrible too, but in fairness the actors probably did not have much to work with. It didn't have any quality or memorable jumpscares, zero atmosphere, you can literally tell which sequences were made just for the trailer. At times it's edited just like a parody horror. There's very little context for why things happen the way they do, the ending just leaves you very confused, it ends just because the runtime (or budget) expires, not because the movie naturally and organically arrives to a conclusion. Anyway, it was entertaining enough, but I'm so glad we didn't find tickets for it at the theatre and didn't have to pay to see it, because it would've been even more infuriating to have paid money for this trash.

The last thing on my post is The Glass Bead Game by Herman Hesse. It took me 2 months to finish this book, but considering the fact that this year I finally got back into reading consistently after the unintentional hiatus I took during the pandemic, when I didn't read anything for about 3 years and I lost any and all interest and enjoyment I ever derived out of reading... I think I'm doing very well in that regard. This book was on my reading list for one of my favorite classes in college, but obviously I didn't have the time to read it, and when my coworker recommended it to me (only for me to later find out that she didn't actually read it... she was just going off of vibes - Pisces things) I decided there's no time like the present. The book is a biography of an intellectual master who retreats to a region established for the intellectual elite to study the glass bead game - an elaborate puzzle-like game that combines various elements like mathematics, linguistics, music, etc. I was a bit gagged when I found out that this game - completely fictional, sure - was never going to be described or explained in the book. It's giving camp but mysterious, which I loved. Mr. Knecht has a bit of a homosexual aura based on his many tumultuous and intense friendships that consume him and on his dignified, serene presence that every man he comes in contact with admires. I forgot to add that this elite establishment called Castalia is exclusively open to men, because of course it is, and women are seen as malicious and manipulative temptresses always ready to betray and distract men from reaching enlightenment, while men from the outside world who allow women in their lives are seen as dirty, instinct-ruled monkeys (as are people in the outside world, in general, perceived by the Castalians). They separate themselves from the outside world and live in what seems like medieval conditions, in an attempt to transcend materialism and focus exclusively on intellectual and spiritual endeavors, like the glass bead game, of which Knecht becomes a master. Well, fast forward a couple hundreds of pages and Mr. Knecht realizes that, through all this superior isolation, Castalia attempts very hard to separate itself from history and the outside world, which FUNDS the very existence of Castalia to begin with, and he deems this as hypocritical, shallow, and dangerous, and asks to leave. After some quarrels with the president he leaves Castalia and joins society, he realizes that the most fulfilling and rewarding position for him is that of a teacher to pupils, but he doesn't go to teach at a regular school; instead he arranges to mentor the teenage son of an old friend of his, at a remote cabin in the mountains. Enthralled by the teenergy and vitality of the young boy, he follows him into a cold lake at sunrise, where he goes into hypothermic shock and sinks dead. Plummeting into that lake feeling inspired by the impulsivity of a teenage boy was probably the second most respectable and brave thing Knecht ever did, the first being to leave Castalia.

Overall this novel was a paradoxical and philosophical futuristic lens on the past that I mostly enjoyed. I get a bit overwhelmed when I try to think of what to read next. This week I remembered this really funny and enjoyable book I thrifted a few years ago, but left it at my parents' old apartment, and of course they threw it out along with the rest of my stuff. And I don't even know where I could find it again.

[leonardhoee]

I was looking through Leonardo Da Vinci quotes when I stumbled upon this: “Intellectual passion drives out sensuality.”

I wanted to know what you think he means and just your opinion about it overall.

Hi! I am so sorry I have no clue how long ago you sent this ask but I was on a hiatus and just now decided to look through my ask box.😭 I hope you enjoy this because this quote is super interesting to me!

To start, I think his choice of wording is very interesting because at least to me the phrase "intellectual passion" can be interpreted in so many different ways. If we really pick it apart, the connotations surrounding the word intellectual, and the word passion are kind of opposites. The word "Intellect" makes you think of like academia and cold hard logic as a way to process the world around you right? But the word passion is more closely associated with sensuality and feeling and absorbing the world around you with kind of an unfiltered lens just because you feel so strongly for it. So if you're looking at it from a wording perspective, at first glance that quote makes no sense.

However, overall the quote actually reminds me of something I've noticed with some of my family friends who are highly "academic" for lack of a better term. It's like they've devoted themselves to intellect and basically seeing themselves as superior because of their higher education and more "intellectual careers". The thing about that is they have so many health problems and in general I have never seen them enjoy life or truly appreciate what's around them. Its like the people who look down on art or physicality because they see it as entertainment they are entitled to (or "less important" than their "intellectual jobs"). I think this might have been where Leo was trying to go with this because most of his philosophy involved being well rounded. He was physically fit, he explored spirituality and art and music and fashion.

It makes me think of the things he has said about food and how it should be enjoyed and savored rather than just seen as a required nourishment. Someone with that one track minded intellectual mindset would see it as a requirement to keep their bodies alive, but they have lost the sensual enjoyment that comes with enjoying good food. I hope that example makes sense.

"Just as food eaten without appetite is a tedious nourishment, so does study without zeal damage the memory by not assimilating what it absorbs." (The actual quote)

I think Leonardo was never really devoted to being known as a genius, like it was never about his reputation or doing these things solely for the sake of seeming intellectual. Honestly I don't think he cared at all about whether people thought he was a genius or not. I think the real reason he became known as a genius was because he had the freedom and the drive to quite literally do whatever he wanted. if he wanted to be a fashion designer he did that, if he wanted to engineer weapons he did that, if he wanted to paint or study astronomy or dissect cadavers stolen from graveyards he did that. There were no mental restrictions for him. Honestly this quote is funny to me because in that sense because sensuality and passion led him to intellect.

More than being a genius I think his greatest trait was just having a never ending sense of curiosity about everything. If you really think about it, he himself is the greatest example of intellectual passion in the rawest sense. Overall however, I see this more as a comment about intellectual elitism and now those people are missing out on the real beauty of life but that's just how I interpret it based on what I know about him and his beliefs. However from a different perspective I disagree with that quote because of how much of a perfect example he is of true intellectual passion. I hope that makes sense.

To be honest if people just adopted his mentality so many of us could be polymaths, it's really not that hard to do. I don't think he would want to be seen as someone that is like untouchable and above everyone. I think that's exactly what he'd hate, he loved helping people that were passionate about learning and he loved spreading his knowledge. I kind of blame the school system for why intellectual elitism is such a common thing right now and why the true meaning of intellectual passion has been lost but now I'm kind of going off on tangents about why I hate how education is being handled right now.

I'm just gonna end by putting some of my other favorite quotes here that represent his mindset and why I interpret the quote this way.

"Life without love is not life at all."

"The noblest pleasure is the joy of understanding. Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication."

“Where the spirit does not work with the hand, there is no art.”

“Painting is poetry that is seen rather than felt, and poetry is painting that is felt rather than seen.”

“For in truth great love is born of great knowledge of the thing loved.”

I could keep going with this so please reblog your thoughts!

[cyndavilachase]

I’m Looking Forward Now 💖Thank you and good bye

So, it’s been a little over a week since Steven Universe Future ended… 

I’ve been hesitant to write this, honestly, but I’m tired of holding myself back from properly expressing myself in fear of appearing overly invested in the media I consume, even in private. Writing helps me organize my thoughts and feelings, and I feel like these thoughts in particular may resonate with many, so I want to share them. I want to talk about what Steven Universe has done for me personally, both as an artist, and as a person.

I’ve been around since the day the first episode of the original series aired. I actually remember when Steven Universe was just a logo on Wikipedia’s “List of Upcoming Cartoon Network Shows” list, back when I was a freshman in high school. It piqued my interest, but when commercials finally dropped for it, I thought it was going to be bad because of the way marketing handled introducing Steven as a likeable character. There was still something about it that made me want to give it a chance though, so I went online and watched the pilot before the first episode's release. I was hooked immediately. I knew I was going to love it, and I did. I fell so absolutely in love with Steven as a character, and the world that he and the gems lived in. I became obsessed. I was always so excited for new episodes to come out. Little did I know what else it would do for me as I went through my adolescence alongside it.

As the show progressed, it was evident that what I wanted out of a western animated childrens’ cartoon was finally coming into fruition: this show was becoming serialized. There was continuity, there was plot, there was character development-- it was getting deep. It was pushing the groundwork that Adventure Time laid out even further (thank you, Adventure Time).  

I will give credit where credit is due: earlier western childrens’ cartoons I grew up with like Hey Arnold, and Rugrats, among others, also touched on heavy topics, but Steven Universe was able to take similar ideas (and even more complex ones, concerning mental health and relationships) and expand on them outside of contained episodes and/or short arcs. These themes, which were a part of the show’s overarching story, spanned across its entirety. Continuity was rampant. 

What did this mean? It meant kids cartoons didn’t have to be silly and fun all the time and characters weren’t just actors playing a part in 11-minute skits. Steven and the gems would remember things that happened to them, and it affected them and how they would function and play a part in their story. This was a huge deal to me as a teenager. I always wanted the cartoons I grew up with featuring kid characters to feel more. In my own work, I often felt discouraged when combining a fun, cutesy western art style with themes as dark or layered as anime would cover. I always thought it had to be one or the other because an audience wouldn’t take a combination of the two seriously enough, based on discussions I had with classmates, friends, and online analysis I read at the time. Steven Universe proved to me otherwise. This show was opening the door for future cartoons exploring in-depth, adult concepts. I felt so seen as a kid, and was inspired to stick with what I love doing.

I was actually very worried about the show’s survival. It was in fact immensely underrated and the fandom was miniscule. Then in 2014, JailBreak dropped, and it’s popularity exploded. Part of it was because of the complex plot and the themes it was covering like I mentioned, but also because of its representation. 

I remember when fandom theorized that Garnet was a fusion due to grand, tragic reasons. Turns out, she’s simply a metaphor for a very loving w|w relationship. This was huge. I cannot stress how important it is that we continue to normalize healthy canon queer relationships in childens’ media, and Steven Universe finally was the first to do that proper. Introducing these themes offers the chance for a kid to sit there and ask themselves, “Why is this demonized by so many people?” I asked myself exactly that. Ruby and Sapphire were my cartoon LGBT rep. They were the first LGBT couple I ever ecstatically drew fanart of. I was dealing with a lot of internalized homophobia at the time, and they showed me that I was allowed to love women and feel normal about it. The process of overcoming this was a long one, but they played a part in my very first steps into becoming comfortable with my sexuality. I could go on and on about it’s representation in general-- how it breaks the mold when it comes to showcasing a diverse set of characters in design, in casting, and in breaking gender roles. It’s focus on love and empathy. Steven himself is a big boy, but he's the protagonist, and the show never once makes fun of his weight, or any other bigger characters for that matter. It wasn’t hard to see why the fandom had grown so large.

Fandom was always a joy for me. It was a hobby I picked up when I was in middle school, like many of us here did. I would always cater my experience to fun, and fun only. I only started getting more deeply involved in SU’s fandom when I had just turned into an adult. During the summer of 2016, between my first and second year of college, I drew for the show almost every day non-stop when the Summer of Steven event was going on and posted them online. This was a form of practice for me in order to become not just more comfortable with experimenting with my art, but also to meet new artists, make new friends, and learn to interact with strangers without fear. I dealt with a ton of anxiety when I was in high school. When I was a senior applying to art school for animation, I decided I was going to overcome that anxiety. I made plans to take baby steps to improve myself over the course of my 4 years of college. Joining the fandom, while unforeseen, was definitely a part of that process. I started feeling more confident in sharing my ideas, even if they were fan-made. I fell in love with storyboarding after that summer, when I took my first storyboarding class, and genuinely felt like I was actually getting somewhere with all of this. I remember finally coming to a point in my classes where I could pitch and not feel hopelessly insecure about it. I was opening up more to my friends and peers. 

But this process, unfortunately, came to a screeching halt. 

My life completely, utterly crumbled under me in the Fall of 2017 due to a series of blows in my personal life that happened in the span of just a couple weeks. My mental health and sense of identity were completely destroyed. All of that confidence I had worked for-- completely ruined. I was alone. I nearly died. My stay at college was extended to 4 and half years, instead of the 4 I had intended. I lost my love for animation-- making it, and watching it. I could no longer watch Steven Universe with the same love I had for it beforehand. It’s a terrible thing, trying to give your attention to something you don’t love anymore, and wanting so desperately to love again. I dropped so many things I loved in my life, including the fandom.

Healing was a long and complicated road. I continued to watch the show all the way up until Change Your Mind aired in the beginning of 2019, and while I still felt empty, that was definitely a turning point for me with it’s encapsulation of self-love. I was hoping James Baxter would get to work on Steven Universe since he guest-animated on Adventure Time, and it was incredible seeing that wish actually come true. The movie came out and while I enjoyed it and thought highly of it, I was still having issues letting myself genuinely love things again, old and new. It was especially difficult because cartoons were my solace as a kid, when things got rough at home. I remember feeling sad because the show ended, and not getting the chance to love it again like I used to while it was still going.

By the time Steven Universe Future was announced, I was finally coming around. I was genuinely starting to feel excitement for art and animation again. I wasn’t expecting there to be a whole new epilogue series, but happily ever after, there we were! Prickly Pear aired, and the implications it left in terms of where the story was going did it. I was finally ready to let myself take the dive back into fandom in January of this year. My art blew up, something I wasn’t expecting considering my 2-year hiatus. Following this, I was invited into a discord server containing some of the biggest writers, artists, editors, and analysts in the fandom. I had no idea there were so many talented people in the fandom, some already with degrees, some getting their degrees-- creating stuff for it on the side just for fun. The amount of passion and productivity level here is insane, and so is the amount of discussion that has come out of it.

I didn’t realize it at first, but it was actually helping me gain back the courage to share ideas. I lost my confidence in pitching while I was taking the time to heal, and graduating meant there would no longer be a classroom setting I could practice in. This group helped immensely. 

I have made so many friends through this wonderful series, and I have so many fond memories talking to like-minded creatives, getting feedback and a myriad of sources for inspiration, as well as all of the memes and jokes and weekly theorizations that came about as we all waited on the edges of our seats for episodes to air. I needed this so badly, I needed to get back in touch with my roots, when I would go absolutely hog-wild over a cartoon I loved with people who loved it as much I did. Future has been a blessing for me in this way. I graduated feeling like I was back at square-one, but now I feel like I’m on my way again.

It’s 2020 and while I’m doing great right now, I am honestly still recovering from the total exhaustion that followed after graduating a few months ago, and finally leaving the campus where my life fell apart behind. Needless to say, watching Future was like looking into a mirror. Watching one of my favorite characters of all time-- one that grew up with me-- go through so many of the same things I went through not too long ago was absolutely insane to watch unfold. It’s such an important thing too, to show a character go through the process of breaking down over trauma and all the nasty things that come with it, and to have them go on the road to healing. Steven got that therapy. He wasn’t blamed. The gems were called out. The finale was everything I could have ever hoped for. The catharsis I experienced watching it was out of this world.

As I continue my own healing journey, I will always look up to the storyboard artists, revisionists, and designers that I have been following over these past 7 years, as well as the new ones introduced in Future. It's been such a joy watching these artists release their promo art for episodes, talk about their experiences working on the show, and post the work they've done for it alongside episodes airing.

Thank you Rebecca Sugar, the Crewniverse, and the fans, for making this such a truly wonderful and unique experience. Thank you for reminding me that I am, and always will be, an artist, a cartoonist, and a fan. Thank you, my followers, for the overwhelmingly positive response to my artwork. I have had so much fun interacting and discussing the show with you all again over these past few months. Steven Universe and it’s fandom will always have a special place in my heart, and it will always be a classic that I will return to for comfort and inspiration for decades to come. I am sad that the cartoon renaissance is over, but so many doors have been opened thanks to this show. I am so, so excited to see what this show will inspire in the future, and I hope one day I get the opportunity to be a part of that. 

Goodbye Steven, thank you for everything. I wish you healing, and I wish Rebecca and the team a well-deserved rest. ♥️

-Cynthia D.

[everyonesmadshere]

procrastination (or: how I became the benevolent god of a small island village)

Lately, I’ve gotten back into the Virtual Villagers franchise. If you’re unfamiliar with it, each game follows the same basic storyline: you’re on an island. Or, more accurately, your villagers are on an island. In some games, you get to select your villagers. In others, they’re completely random. Either way, your goal is to help your village thrive while uncovering the secrets and mysteries of the island.

I used to play the games a lot as a child; it was sort of my ‘thing’ with my dad, and for that reason Virtual Villagers 2: The Lost Children will always hold a special place in my heart. I have fond memories of checking my iPod (a relic of the past!) with him, begging my dad for tips to advance the storyline. Eventually, I completed the game; he stopped playing and I moved on to the other additions to the franchise on my own.

I must’ve completed each game multiple times by now, and therein lies the problem: after the first playthrough, it’s not a challenge any more. You already know how to solve all the puzzles. So I decided to speed run it; which, when you’re playing an idle game, is no easy task. Nevertheless, I managed it; after several tries, I managed to get my completion time down to 3-4 days which I’d say is a huge improvement considering how it had taken me a month my first try. Over the years, I imposed several challenges on myself with every playthrough: make every villager master every skill, start the game with only children, selectively breed for only one hair color, and more.

I got pretty good at the games, but then I went on a break for the past few years. However, the hiatus ends today! This morning, I redownloaded Virtual Villagers 4: The Tree of Life, and that’s when I had a sudden epiphany regarding villager selection.

Only adults can work in the games, and you need workers so that your village doesn’t, y’know, starve to death. However, you also need children, since only kids are able to pick up the collectible items. For a while, in the villager selection, I’d always pick four adults, each one with preexisting experience in one of the skills, and a child. But that comes with its own set of problems. Until the kid grows up, you only have four working adults. In the beginning, you need all of them to work in order to establish a steady food supply, so you can’t produce more kids until later on. Because of this, it’s in your best interest to pick a kid that’s as young as possible, so that you have more years where you can collect items.

But that’s when an idea struck me! What if I just picked pregnant women? Sure, I’d have to wait two years of in-game time before the kids would be available for me to use, but after that, I’d have five(!!!) working adults and two(!!!) free kids! So I selected a team of two fifteen year olds (the younger the villager, the better; that way, they can work for longer before they die), two pregnant women, and one adult (with building skill). It wasn’t until later that I realized how ridiculous this looked.

So the premise of this particular game is that the island is dying, so the village decides to send out a team of explorers to investigate. They find the titular Tree of Life and then establish their own village there as they try to nurse the tree back to health. (If only I was as good in real life at healing plants as I am in this game.)

The explorers in question are two teenagers and two pregnant women. Sure, there’s one responsible adult who can work, but who in their right mind would send this kind of team out? But it’d be fine, I reasoned. It’d look silly in-universe, but I knew what I was doing.

I mean, look at them now! They’re thriving!

I have to confess, I got a little attached to them. I have a favorite villager and everything!

I’ve been trying to speed run it again, and that’s when I realized something else: the game progresses a lot faster while you’re actively in it. It’s supposed to be an idle game, but while you have the app open, the percentage of completion on each building actually goes up a lot more quickly.

That’s where the procrastination comes in. Rather than doing my work, I instead controlled their every action for several hours. They’d also move a lot faster, I reasoned, if I just dragged and dropped them to their next location as soon as they were done completing one task. And it paid off! In about 12 hours after first downloading the game, I already completed a majority of the puzzles.

I feel a bit like a micromanager, but hey, if it lets me beat a personal record, I’m all for it!

In the meantime, my homework (and my villagers’ personal autonomy) will have to wait.

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: Volume 8 “Ultimatum”

Welcome back, everyone! We had an unexpected break last week due to the horror going on in Texas. I'm glad we did. Not because of any salty "RWBY is bad right now yay free Saturday" feelings, but because keeping to a schedule for a fictional webseries should never take precedence over peoples' safety. I can't believe I need to type that sentence out, but it's true! Over the last seven days I've seen fans who are not merely disappointed by the mini hiatus (understandable) but outright hostile towards the crew because they... were ensuring everyone survived during an unprecedented emergency? Yeah. Given the highly critical nature of these recaps — including today's! — I want to be clear that my thoughts towards Rooster Teeth's creative choices are distinct from any thoughts about the crew itself, including the most basic forms of compassion like, “I sure hope everyone is okay over there.” In an age where it has become horrifically common to harass creators and even send them death threats over stories, it has likewise become necessary to remind people: Don't do that shit. Never do that shit. If I can teach anyone anything at all, let it be that!

Anyway, dark fandom reminders out of the way, let's dive straight into our delayed episode. It was certainly a doozy. Titled "Ultimatum," we open on a trigger warning for flashing lights. Good on Rooster Teeth for including that, though I do wonder if creators shouldn't be including time stamps as well? Or perhaps a note that you can find those time stamps in the credits, avoiding any (minor) spoilers for everyone else? I'm not photosensitive myself, so I certainly don't mean to speak for that group, but my first thought was, "So how would I watch this episode if I was? Hand on the pause button, hoping I stop fast enough as soon as the lights start?" Hard to do given the surprise nature of the scene. Really, my answer would be, "Wait for the fandom to post warnings of their own, likely including where it happens so I know when to skip" which is perhaps an indication that this information that should be included from the get-go.

But I am glad the warning exists, regardless. The episode itself begins with a shot of Ironwood looking down at the kingdom. He's used his windows as a vantage point since Volume 7, so that's nothing new, but something about this particular shot reminded me of Ozpin, looking down from his tower. I'm sure the response from many would be simply, "Ah yes, the two power hungry dictators watching over their victims," but I think there's a much more nuanced reading here about leaders being expected to fix the literally unfixable and what that responsibility does to an individual. Of course, it's a nuance that is absolutely obliterated by the episode’s end, but the implication existed for a hot second!

Two other soldiers are in the room with Ironwood, reporting that Cinder has helped Watts escape. They try to soften this with news that they still have Jacques in custody, but receive only a, "I don't give a damn about Jacques Schnee." Which, fair. He's pretty useless at this point. It's when Ironwood learns that both Qrow and Robin escaped too that he really gets mad, something his subordinates have been expecting given their scared expressions.

Now, I'm treading lightly here because I realize how this is going to sound given the end of our episode, but I still want to note that outside of that ending... this is a weird take? Just hear me out. Since Volume 7 the show has worked very hard to make Ironwood seem scary and unstable — bad setup for what we end with today — but the problem is that none of it works in context and it certainly doesn't work when compared to other characters' actions. They are literally in the midst of an unwinnable battle and thousands of his people are dying. If the audience wants a human being — who also just lost a limb and was betrayed by half his allies — o remain perfectly poised and polite during that, sorry, but that's not how human beings work. But even beyond this, what’s the message here? Ironwood raises his voice, so does Yang. Ironwood hits his desk, Qrow hits a child. If we're going to examine how Ironwood handles his stress and anger, he often handles it better than many of our heroes. Namely, by continually taking that anger out on inanimate objects. I kept waiting for him to attack his subordinates or attack Winter this episode, especially given where we end up, but it never came. Ironwood always has enough control to break the desk or punch the wall, not the person in front of him. Which, of course, would not be a good thing in the real world. I want to be clear given these sensitive subjects that if someone is breaking things in your presence that's a major problem to address. But this isn't the real world. This is a fantasy world in the middle of a war, populated by other characters who express their anger by punching people, slamming them into walls, or screaming at them until they run away. The story wants us to fear Ironwood long before he makes his objectively horrific choices and it tries to achieve that by showing us characters who are clearly terrified in his presence, by giving us a string of broken objects in his wake. But those details don't land well when we compare them to other instances of stress. In the same volume I have watched Ironwood take a deep breath to calm himself down when things have gone horribly wrong. I've also watched Weiss start a conversation by threatening her defenseless brother. So again, what’s the message here? It can’t be that acting violently towards someone = villainous behavior because, as established since Volume 6, that’s common for the heroes. Why are these subordinates terrified about Ironwood slamming his fist on a table, but Whitley has no problem hugging the woman who threatened him? Obviously there is a HUGE difference between our main group and Ironwood when it comes to other actions (cough-bomb threats-cough), but these day-to-day moments don't match up. The show wants to use violence as a way for us to easily identify the Bad Guy while ignoring all the times when our heroes do the same thing. 

All of which isn't meant to be a defense of Ironwood. As we'll see in a bit, there is no defense for what he's done. Rather, it's a way of acknowledging just how badly he's been written. Why does a man who consistently reins in his anger and takes it out on objects suddenly shoot a councilman for literally no reason? Why does a man defined by wanting to save as many people as he can suddenly threaten to bomb his city? Ironwood's characterization is all over the place, in the sense that they keep writing him as the morally gray, sometimes harsh, but ultimately compassionate man he started out as... up until they need a villain. Salem isn't here yet, so Ironwood can shoot Oscar. Salem isn't attacking yet, so Ironwood can shoot the councilman. Salem is currently reforming, so Ironwood can threaten YJR and Mantle. He's the B-plot villain whenever Salem is out of commission, which is a problem for both their characterizations. This filler doesn't make sense for Ironwood and it severely undermines the threat of Salem. You finally introduce the Magical Big Bad and our heroes are facing more of a threat from a guy with a broken army and three loyal allies left? Hmmm.

The tl;dr is that Ironwood's arc is a disaster and, frankly, it's gotten old reading simplified takes of, "It's just a realistic look at what white U.S. men will do in power sweetie :) " RWBY does not have the context capable of conveying that sort of critical take because our world is not besieged by literal monsters and an immortal witch, to say nothing of how real life good guys do not get deus ex machina canes that fix the problem instantaneously. Ironwood is not an example of anti-U.S. imperialism, he's an example of writers who don't know how to write.

Anyway, I'm getting severely off topic. Obviously Ironwood is a major part of this episode, but the problems demonstrated here are two years in the making. This is the culmination of things I've been discussing for months across hundreds of posts... so I should probably stop trying to summarize it all in a few paragraphs lol. Perhaps when RWBY is over — or Ironwood has died — I'll do a single meta on his character, try to pull everything into one, unified argument.

For now though, we have an episode to analyze.

While Ironwood is receiving this news we get flashbacks to Qrow and Robyn. Qrow attacks a soldier in his bird form, which is hilarious. Someone GIF that please. It does raise some interesting questions about this magic though: does Qrow retain his aura and strength in this form (something I thought given his choice to transform during the explosion), or was that soldier just so shocked at being attacked by a crow that he went down easy? We'll never know, because that would require establishing concrete rules for this world. The point is Qrow is going feral in his freedom, throwing punches left and right — did he kill that guard? — while Robyn watches it all from under a rock. They're apparently still somewhere in the facility since all the exits are guarded, but that's not the good thing Ironwood seems to think it is. After all, Qrow is out to murder him. He wants to be there.

We all see where this is going, right? The show is going to ignore Qrow's crazy belief that Ironwood got Clover killed in favor of a "Qrow saved Mantle by murdering Ironwood"/“Qrow got revenge for Mantle by murdering Ironwood” ending. Who cares why Qrow wanted to kill him in the first place now that Ironwood has his finger on the trigger? If RWBY is good at anything, it's writing moments that encourage you to ignore everything that came before it. We'll be seeing more of that in just a bit.

"Damn it!" Ironwood yells, because the show is leaning into its cursing. He orders that the subordinates not return until "you have Qrow Branwen in custody." Here we have another great example of the show conflating what the audience knows with what other characters know. See, we know Qrow has a vendetta against Ironwood. We know their relationship is the important one to the story and that Robyn is incidental. Ironwood doesn't know that. There's no reason for him, as a character, to specify that they only bring Qrow back, but it makes sense for the audience who has the whole, thematic picture. Our understanding of the situation is influencing Ironwood's dialogue, which is... not great.

This entire scene we've had creepy music to hammer home just how evil Ironwood is. Except, as said, he takes a breath to calm down and the music fades. Instead of flying into a rage, hurting someone, or doing anything the music suggests he might, Ironwood calmly calls in for an update — which is when the explosion hits.

It's MASSIVE, seeming to originate from a lightning strike, which is weird, since it's coming from inside the whale, but whatever. The animation is very dramatic and pretty, as we've come to expect of RWBY, but the actual plot is lackluster at best. It's funny though because I thought for a hot second, when Winter and the Ace Ops were caught in the blast, that RWBY had actually done something exciting. I mean, holy shit! There are the deaths we expect from a battle like this. My god, what is everyone going to do when they realize that Oscar's needless attack took out five characters, including Weiss' sister —

No wait, never mind. They're fine.

Let's talk about that "needless" descriptor for a moment though. Do you all remember, two weeks ago, when I went, "Hey, why isn't anyone telling Oscar that that Ace Ops are approaching with a bomb? They're on a time limit! If someone would just mention that Very Important Information then Oscar wouldn't keep standing around to fight Salem." See, at the time I was frustrated because of how the plot was needlessly allowing Oscar to put himself in danger (especially when the whole point of this mission was to rescue him). Now, I'm frustrated because that same plot needlessly wasted the most powerful weapon the group had. There was no reason for Oscar to use literal lifetimes worth of stored energy when the heroes already had a bomb to do the same job! What was the point of that? I guess he took out the other grimm too, but without the whale that still would have been a challenge with a finite end, one Ironwood's army and the remaining huntsmen should have been able to handle. It doesn't feel justified to have Oscar use a weapon kept on the bench for lifetimes when there was another option literally minutes away.

There's so much wrong with this I need another list. So:

Ozpin's cane supposedly stores kinetic energy, which may contradict what we've seen from it before. Regardless, we’ve never heard about this. The all powerful weapon comes out of nowhere

It also begs the question of why Ozpin wouldn't use that power at Beacon and why he wouldn't insist that they try to get their cane back while captured. You had an out this whole time! But we’re going to ignore that because Oscar is a little hesitant? 

Which makes YJR's presence even more useless than it originally was, which was already pretty useless. Oscar essentially rescued himself

This kinetic energy miraculously doesn't hurt any people or buildings, just grimm

So what is the point of Silver Eyes? That's been their MO since they were first introduced. Sure, Silver Eyes can be used far more often than Ozpin's cane, but it still feels like a let down to learn that the Big Secret behind this weapon is... the exact same thing Ruby has been doing for years

Like Ruby, Oscar likewise didn't need any practice or training. He just set off this massive attack perfectly and without issue

We have now eliminated the biggest threat to the cast instantaneously — the whale and the other grimm — with no effort from the rest of the heroes. Like the Hound, the stakes are obliterated with no satisfying work on the part of our protagonists 

Instead, as said, the actual plan already in place never happened. The bomb just... goes back. Kind of like how Cinder attacked and then just went back to Salem. Penny woke up and then just got knocked out again. We continue to go in circles 

This is because no one took two seconds to tell Oscar, "There's a bomb on the way"

Because this threat is gone the show needs a new one, hence Ironwood randomly threatening Mantle with said bomb

The one way we might have justified Oscar blowing up the whale instead of Winter is if he did it to save Hazel, but Hazel is implied to be dead

Maybe he's alive, but if he's not that happened off screen and we're not sure how. It couldn't have been because of the blast itself — everyone else is fine — so what, Salem somehow killed him before she was blasted to bits? While he was holding her? 

And there's no body?

Salem was torn apart multiple times during that fight and reformed instantaneously, yet now, conveniently, she's taking her time

None of the characters mention the issues above. None of them admit that there was no reason for Oscar to waste LIFETIMES worth of power when they already had a solution in the works. Fantastic

I need to take a moment to acknowledge that so far this recap feels... bad. Disjointed. Bit all over the place. Which makes a certain amount of sense because that's where my thoughts are at. There's so much going on in this episode — so much wrong with it — that I don't know how to boil it all down into a few, neat claims. This episode is a mess! We're barely a few minutes in and the combined issues of Ironwood's characterization and Oscar's choice have left me reeling. So if you're still reading this, bless your patience, I think we'll both need it for the rest of this journey.

Let's snag a neater plot-point to discuss. Amidst all the chaos Neo literally skips away with the Lamp, clearly thrilled at how her own life is going. Later in the episode she'll text Cinder with the obvious: Salem is going to be pretty pissed when she realizes this is gone. “If you want her name you know what you owe me." 

So wait... what is Neo leveraging here? Is she agreeing to give the Lamp back so Cinder doesn't get in trouble with Salem? Give Salem the password she's been looking for? Or give Cinder the password to use the Lamp for herself? What would Cinder even want the Lamp for when she's after the Maiden powers? I'm confused about what Cinder is being blackmailed with. Regardless, she needs the lamp for something and presumably what she "owes" Neo is Ruby. We get a cut to her just to hammer that home.

(Side note: both pictures of Neo are hilarious.) 

Before that though, back at the whale, everyone is taking stock of the situation when Marrow cries, "Hey, they were still in there!" I feel like this is another scene meant to make him look like the one good guy in the group — he cares about YJOR while the others can’t be bothered — but as always, that reading doesn't fit well with the situation as a whole. The others have barely had time to realize they're alive. I don't think it's a moral failing that they didn't instinctually worry about four betrayers, one of whom attacked them, while they're still checking that they have all their limbs intact. Besides, why does Marrow assume they're dead? The Ace Ops were caught in the blast as well, yet miraculously came out unharmed. They clearly didn't set their own bomb off, so it's logical to assume that YJOR did something themselves. It feels weird to have a "Marrow mourns them and Winter is the only other character who cares" moment when everyone is recovering from bomb shock and no one even knows if the others are dead. But, of course, the show is out to portray only two of these characters as good people, so ignore the logic and run with the emotion of the scene.

All of which is bolstered by Elm pulling away when Vine puts a hand on her shoulder. Why is she acting cold towards him now? Because they're not friends, remember?

While we get more ridiculous relationship dynamics, Ironwood calls in and congratulates them on the bomb working, but tells them to get back because they have another problem in the works. That would be Qrow and Robyn. Winter decides to tell him about the bomb in person.

We cut to Watts and Cinder watching the remnants of the blast from a rooftop. Cinder has tried calling, but no one answered. Unsurprising, given that Salem doesn't have any other allies left. Cinder says that the plan hasn't changed, she's still going to take the Winter Maiden's power for herself, and Watts can help her by bringing Penny here. He explains that he doesn't have full control over her. Rather, he implemented a virus that is setting her on a single path: open the vault, then self-destruct. Cinder, as one might expect, is furious.

She snags Watts by her grimm arm and threatens to toss him over the side of the building. Thus begins the best part of the episode, hands down. Despite the danger he's in, Watts throws common sense out the window in favor of dragging Cinder in the most satisfying manner possible. 

“You think you’re entitled to everything just because you suffered, but suffering isn’t enough. You can’t just be strong, you have to be smart. You can’t just be deserving, you have to be worthy! But all you have ever been is a bloody migraine!”

It's true! You know what else is true? This speech could apply to our heroes as well. Accusations of entitlement and reminders to be smart as opposed to just strong hit hard, considering those are the same flaws our protagonists are struggling with. The difference is that Cinder, miraculously, listens, pulling Watts back to safety and going to cry by herself. That moment is simultaneously more growth than Ruby has gotten and more sympathy than Ironwood has gotten. The woman who murdered Pyrrha is treated more kindly by the narrative than one of our initial heroes and our very first villain has taken more time to reconsider her choices than our title character. You know a show is falling apart when excellent choices are applied to the worst possible character.

So Cinder is crying while Watts looks guilty and we cut back to YJOR's group post-blast. Yang is finally able to answer a call from Blake who is obviously overjoyed to see her. Weiss gives them directions to the mansion and they ask what in the world they'll do with Emerald, currently on her knees, mourning Hazel.

Thus begins the third most frustrating part of this episode. See, on the way back the group continues the conversation about what to do with Emerald, with Yang and Jaune distrusting her vs. Ren and Oscar encouraging cooperation. I can't believe I'm saying this after's Ren's speech and Oscar's entire existence... but I'm team Jaune and Yang here. Look, what Oscar and Ren say — the literal words coming out of their mouth — is nonsense. Ren goes, “We can’t let all of our actions stem from fear," as if Yang and Jaune are being ridiculous for mistrusting Emerald, one of the established villains, after years worth of harm from her. It’s weird that Yang points to her arm as something Emerald is responsible for, rather than being framed or the deaths at Beacon, but the general sentiment of, “She’s done horrible things!” is true. Ren’s perspective is the same simplification that was applied to Ironwood last volume, wherein everyone acted as if he was crazy for fearing an attack on his kingdom... post an attack on another kingdom and pre an attack on his kingdom. Putting generic lines in Ren's mouth about not being afraid makes him sound willfully ignorant, as if choosing to believe that someone is good will magically make them so, to say nothing of thinking it will erase all the harm they've already done.

Oscar at least acknowledges the difficulty here, but then follows this up with, “You don’t have to forgive her… just give her a second chance."

Oscar, honey, that amounts to the same thing in this situation. Allowing Emerald a second chance means working with her, which means trust, which means emotionally reaching a point where these characters can put aside the harm she's done them in an effort to give her that chance in the first place. This actually ties into a post I saw last night, one I've come across before, that claims redemption arcs don't require any suffering on the part of the person who has done wrong. I agree in theory, that prolonged suffering doesn't help anyone, but the problem is that people tend to conflate suffering with consequences and someone who has done this level of harm should face consequences for their actions. The problem with redemption arcs is not that the bad people suffer too much —  emotionally and physically beating on them as a form of revenge  — but that the people they've harmed are put into situations like this one. If Yang and Jaune let Emerald go like she suggests, they are agreeing that she doesn't have to face any consequences for the damage she's done (which, keep in mind, involves multiple deaths, not including all the lost lives here in Atlas). If they agree to give her a second chance, they are forced to jump straight to some level of forgiveness. We might claim they don't have to forgive Emerald to work with her, but from a practical perspective how are they meant to function, especially during a warzone? Anything she provides them with — information, watching their back in a fight, undertaking missions, etc.  — requires trusting her enough to allow those things to happen: working with that info, letting her protect them, allowing her that responsibility. It's all about trust, trust she has yet to earn. In order for a redemption arc to be successful, the power has to be in the hands of the victims. They need to be able to see some justice for what was done to them, be offered some proof that the person in question has truly changed, and have the ability to walk away if they decide no, I don't forgive you, glad to hear you've improved, but please stay out of my life. Jaune and Yang have none of that. There are currently no systems in place for Emerald to face consequences for her choices, she has offered them no proof of her remorse or true motivations, and the other half of the group is pressuring them to give her that second chance without closure or reassurance. None of that makes for a good redemption arc and reducing that to, "So you want to see poor Emerald suffer, huh?" ignores the suffering she has already caused. The group are her victims and they are under no obligation to give her a second chance, particularly under these circumstances, which makes the story's choice to have Ren and Oscar act like Yang and Jaune are being stubborn or inconsiderate a problem. The conversation boils down to, "Give the woman you know to be a liar, manipulator, murder accomplice, and servant of our enemy a second chance based entirely on unfounded faith. If you don't you're letting yourself be ruled by fear."

RWBY's touchy-feely themes really don't sit well within its realistic, morally gray premise. We cannot continually have these characters go through hell one moment and then have others accuse them of being paranoid the next. The fact that all of this is wrapped up in the group trusting Robyn, Emerald, and Hazel over their established allies remains beyond frustrating.

Because yeah, you know how Oscar finishes his speech? “I’ve already gotten a lot of help today from someone I don’t exactly trust right now." Meaning Ozpin.

The story is trying to compare Emerald and Hazel to Ozpin.

"Oh hey, I kept a secret from you after lifetimes of watching that secret lead to betrayal and death. I keep apologizing for my mistakes while ignoring that I had no reason to trust a bunch of kids with such world-shattering information and also that you tore it from me in the most traumatic way possible."

"Oh hey, I willingly joined our world's version of the devil and helped her destroy your school, leading to numerous deaths including your friend and headmaster. It was his death that put Oscar in this position in the first place! I then continued to attack your group, leading to another near death of a friend, and a kidnapping, and the destruction of Amity, until I became scared enough to make a run for it."

Which one of these characters is granted an instant second chance? You'll never guess who!

And I do think the word "instant" is important here because just like Jaune and Yang have the right to have distance and justice from Emerald, they had that right with Ozpin too. The difference is they got it. They had the power in the situation, as evidenced by their use of the Lamp and physically attacking him. Ozpin heard what they needed from him — leave us alone — and did that without complaint. They were given months to come to terms with the secrets he kept. They were offered apologies and acts of service to demonstrate intent: saving them in the airship and continually saving Oscar. I don't believe Ozpin ever needed a redemption arc, but even if we think he did, he had it. After three volumes of material Oscar's perspective is still "I don't exactly trust [him] right now" but Hazel and Emerald have earned at least the same amount of trust in a matter of hours? They're really having my boy look at the guy who has tried desperately to do right by him despite unimaginable circumstances, and the guy who tortured him to get information for Salem, and went, "That first guy. He's the one we need to watch out for."

To make things even worse, Oscar tells the others that Ozpin took on all the torture so he wouldn't have to. So he did that and they still don't trust him? If you had told me back in Volume 6 that two years later the group would still be hostile towards Ozpin, while simultaneously urging one another to trust Emerald, I would have said you were lying. RWBY has its problems, but it's not that bad. Yet here we are. I suppose the one silver lining here is that Ren smiles when he realizes Ozpin is back? So at least one of them isn't prepared to draw their weapon at the mere mention of his name.

Both these moments raise more questions though. How in the world did Ozpin take on that torture when we clearly saw Oscar getting pummeled for a good portion of the kidnapping? Is that a weird merge thing the story hasn't bothered to explain? I wouldn't be surprised, considering Oscar said last episode he didn't want to use magic because it hastened the merge, he uses the biggest explosion of magic we've ever seen, and nothing has changed. Ozpin is still in the back of his head, thanking him for the tinniest shreds of decency they get. Ren, meanwhile, seems to be back to mindreading. How in the world does he know that Ozpin is back? I assume it has something to do with his semblance, but we don't know what. They could have shown us Oscar from Ren's perspective, perhaps with two distinct emotions swilling around to imply that he sees two different people now, not a useless shot of Emerald with purple flower petals, whatever purple means.

Oh, but no, we shouldn't have gotten either of these scenes. Remember that Ren's aura broke a very, very short time ago? Is it back already? Can he use this part of his semblance without it? Considering it was near impossible to see Ironwood's aura breaking in the Watts fight and we were then mistakenly told he used his semblance in the office, I'm going to go with, "The writers forgot."

Oscar explains that the cane had "lifetime after lifetime" of power in it and though there's still some left, "we have to be careful with how we use the rest." He says that Ozpin trusted his judgement and of course he did! Ozpin also didn’t know that there was a bomb on the way. Yet funnily enough, no one else mentions that, whoops, your choice made in ignorance was a waste and that's due entirely to us prioritizing hugs over basic mission information.

Also, all these explanations take place in front of Emerald. Half the group doesn't trust her, but they'll freely discuss their powers and limitations here. Remember how the group once wanted to talk about magical relics in front of the old lady they'd just met? Yeah, they've learned nothing.

Combine all this insanity with the fact that Ozpin's magic saved the day before Ironwood's bomb could do the same... while Ruby sat in a mansion drinking tea. Who's our hero again?

So things are a hot mess, to put it lightly. Their conversation finally ends when they hear voices and round the corner to find all the Atlas citizens huddled in the subway. For once the show actually writes them in a sympathetic manner, emphasizing how terrified and helpless they are. This image doesn't lead the group to any revelations though, certainly not anything that would tie back to Ren's earlier speech in the snow. No, once again the justified criticisms here are ignored as we hear that “However this fight ends, we could really use someone like you, [Emerald.]” That's it then. Discussion over. We knew as soon as it started that blindly trusting her was being presented as the "right" thing to do and now here we are, deciding that conclusively, despite Jaune and Yang's complaints. By the time the group reaches the mansion, Oscar is defending Emerald from Ruby. We're supposed to just accept that she's a part of the group now, only minimal pushback allowed.

Before that though we return to Ironwood getting news that their bomb never went off. He briefly wonders who else could have done that, but puts the currently unanswerable question aside for what he does know. They still have the bomb and it could be "useful." See, this moment — like shooting Oscar and the councilman — is when Ironwood just randomly goes off the deep end. One minute he's talking about what they've lost and cradling his new arm, 

the next he's saying that he should have tortured Qrow to get Penny to obey him! Which doesn't even make sense since I'm pretty sure Penny hasn't ever spoken to Qrow. She wouldn't want anyone to suffer, true, but it's not like Ironwood had a close friend like Ruby to use as leverage. Qrow is just Some Guy to her. Regardless, he thinks Yang, Jaune, and Ren are decent replacements, despite Penny also having no relationships with them. This is what happens when your characters only start breaking up their teams eight years into the story, the response to Ironwood wanting to torture Ren to hurt Penny is, “Does Penny know Ren exists?” But, you know, torture is torture, right? Maybe. Probably not. I mean, if they're going to turn Ironwood into a cartoon villain, they could at least keep him smart.

Because all of this is just the height of stupidity. Ironwood wants to torture people Penny barely knows to make her listen (so just grab some civilians? It would do the same job...). Ironwood wants to shoot down empty ships, even though no one, including us, knows where in the world those ships would have gone. Ironwood wants to destroy an entire city to try and save another city. He wants to use a bomb meant for a comparatively small whale and acts like that alone will take out the majority of a kingdom. None of it makes sense! And I know the easy comeback for that is, "Well yeah, Ironwood is crazy and evil" but he's not. I mean he is. Threatening torture and bombings is obviously evil, but he's never been insane, or stupid. As said before, his arc (or lack thereof) is an absolute disaster. The fandom assumes so many things about Ironwood given the opportunity — the whale is a suicide mission. He expects the Ace Ops to die on his order — and the writing hints at so many things that never happen — he's going to hurt his subordinates, attack Winter for disobeying him — and every time what we actually get is a far more compassionate, level-headed character... until he randomly does a 180 and goes, "Let's murder a whole city now!" I never wanted Ironwood to be the bad guy, but they could have at least given me a persuasive decent into this level of horror.

So... yeah. Ironwood has got to die by the end of the volume, yeah? Between Ruby warning the whole world about him and him going into full villain mode, there's no coming back from this.

Neo sends her text to Cinder and the group makes it back to the mansion. Remember Yang's criticisms of Ruby's leadership? The ones she conveniently forgot about when Ren started to agree with her? Yeah, those are entirely gone as the sisters hug it out and, presumably, forgive one another for... daring to admit that things are bad? Look, I'm not going to deny that Ironwood's scene with Winter was creepy as fuck, 

but I'm not of the opinion that the heroes are any better when it comes to the theme of obedience. They've attacked one another, screamed at one another, and any dissent from Ruby's leadership results in the questioner being left behind in the snow. We'll accept you again when you fall back in line. I used to adore the relationships in this show, but watching them now is just discomforting. The show might be 100% more obvious with Ironwood, using creepy music, a smile, and that hand on Winter's shoulder, but the concept of, "Sorry I dared to question you before! We won't ever do it again :)" isn't healthy either. The fact that the show keeps erasing theses problems with hugs — Weiss hugs Whitley now, Yang hugs Ruby, someone will probably hug Emerald soon — doesn't make the circumstances any less uncomfortable.

None of this even gets into the Blake and Yang hug. First of all, why is Blake acting like they had a fight and Yang might not want to see her? She's hiding inside rather than rushing to greet them, ears down in a devastated expression until Yang touches her. Combine this with Yang's "Do you think she's mad at me?" and it feels like the writers cut a fight in the final script and then didn't bother to remove the fallout from that. Seriously, where did any of this come from? You can't just have characters act like they've been fighting when they haven’t.

Also, can't forget this.

At this point there's nothing more I can say in regards to RWBY's almost-queer baiting. Is touching foreheads more intimate than the hugs Yang gave the others? Absolutely. Is that an appropriate stand-in for overt representation? Absolutely not. This would have been a perfect time for them to kiss. Take out Blake's nonsensical fear and replace it with them both reuniting after their first separation since Volume 5, working under the knowledge that either one could have been killed, finally admitting their feelings. Hell, they don't actually have to kiss. Not all girlfriends are interested in kissing! But they could use the terminology that makes things unequivocally canon.  Another forehead touch when we got that in Volume 6? It's not enough, especially not when our straight couples have all been allowed their rep.

Ren at least wants to know where Nora is. He's presumably told what happened off screen as Oscar tells Ruby that Emerald is their friend now.

Then an emergency call from May interrupts the reunion and the group learns that Ironwood is bombing the Schnee ships. “Those ships… they were going to save people” Weiss whispers. How? Tell me how they were going to save anyone. Where were you going to take these people where they would be safer than where they are now? RWBY continually asserts things without explaining them, meaning there is precisely zero emotional weight here. Again, Ironwood is far past the point of defense, but I'd be a whole lot more critical of this particular action if I had a better sense of why it's bad. He appears to be endangering the people given May's shout to run — falling debris? — but the further implication is that Ironwood has doomed the people of Mantle by denying them these ships. It's that part that makes no sense based on what we've been told.

Which finally comes to the ultimatum of our episode title: Penny opens the vault, or Ironwood bombs Mantle. Great! So glad this plan is wicked smart and works well for his characterization. It's definitely not a nonsensical, unfounded, overblown change that feels like it belongs in a child's cartoon, complete with dramatic spotlight. Nope. Excellent writing choices all around.

Our final line of the episode is, “I hope you live up to the title I gave you," referring to Penny's job as the Protector of Mantle, and you know what? That line could have been very cool if it was delivered by an Ironwood with a persuasive fall and a halfway decent plan in place. I love that we've twisted the concept of a protector and turned the title into a horrifying, rather than honorable responsibility... I just hate everything surrounding those details. 

So, usual RWBY fare.

(At least we get to see that Nora is awake!) 

Will things get better over the next four episodes? I doubt it. We're still expecting the rest of the Ace Ops + Winter to ditch Ironwood, someone getting the vault open, the fall of Atlas, now the potential destruction of Mantle, and none of that includes Salem who should reform at any moment. Frankly, I'm not looking forward to any of it. The final leg of a season should make its audience excited to see how everything turns out, not dreading it. I've heard from multiple people that this is the volume that finally got them to drop the show and honestly? I'm not surprised.

As a final (happier?) note: we've finally got a bingo! I completely forgot our board last time, which was a terrible oversight, but we can update it now.

Our army of grimm can't kill anyone now that it got KOed by Oscar (that is the third one hit defeat of a major enemy we've seen this volume. Yes, I'm including the Hound considering it was obviously on its last legs after Ruby's eyes.)

I'm likewise including "Ozpin apologizes for everything including his existence" because he's done nothing but apologize since he came back. The emotion is there even if the literal words are not. Oscar reminded everyone of how untrustworthy he is, but kept the group from jumping them again. And Ozpin thanked him for it.

Neo didn't literally backstab Cinder (shame), but the Relic still counts.

So a triple bingo! Is that how bingo works? Idk, I've never played. I feel like I should have thought up some sort of humorous prize, but sadly I've got nothing. If you think of anything, let me know lol

That’s all then, folks. Until next week! 💜