#its been like . 2 years (?) of not having an actual floor i genuinely cannot remember

[minasweep]

the urge to make clay keychains.

[lubdubsworld]

Falling for you( Falling from grace) Jungkook

Falling for you ( Falling from grace) Jungkook

Read Chapter 1 here

Read Chapter 2 here

Read Chapter 3 here

Rated : 18 +

Warning : . Fuck buddies? Or rather enemies that have sex. They just really hate each other but also can’t keep their hands off each other. Fair warning this has no plot. its just them being idiots .

Chapter warning : a little bit of plot just to keep things interesting yeah? 

Chapter 4

The washroom on the seventeenth floor was the unofficial gossip hub and normally I would steer clear of that place but desperate times called for desperate measures. I was pretty sure I looked like I’d been dragged backwards through a hedgerow and I had to get it fixed before I got written up . 

Willing myself not to openly flinch with every step, I tried to curb the trembling in my thighs, almost painfully sensitive to how wet and messy my lower half as. What the fuck had I been thinking. 

When I entered the restroom, I moved to the huge ornate mirror in the center and took a nice long look at myself. 

 I felt my throat seize up in shock.

Good God. 

I looked ten times worse than I felt. The hair in the back of my head was sticking up , four even gaps from where he’d gripped my hair too tight. Yelping, I pulled on the dozen hairpins holding my hair up in a messy bun, letting my hair fall around my shoulders. Panicking , I threaded my fingers through the strands, wincing when I touched my jaw. What the fuck...

I leaned closer, peering at the small abrasion near my chin. It was a bruise, shaped exactly like Jungkook’s thumb. And it was already turning into an ugly shade of puce. 

Slightly hysterical because, Hoseok was so incredibly unbending when it came to office etiquette and  I did not want to get fired, I flipped at the fancy taps, sticking my hand underneath the cold water and splashing it all over my face. 

The door opened behind me and I flinched.

“Oh, hey Areum....” Three of my colleagues walked in . I recognized two of them , Jieun and Hana . The third one looked new.

“Hey...” I croaked out, trying hard not to look like I’d just been fucked to an inch of my life in a supply closet by the boss’ son. 

Oh fuck, what the hell was I thinking? 

The girls moved to the mirror , spreading out across the long counter and pulling out their compacts and lipsticks . I kept my head down, still trying to calm my pounding heart. 

“So let me get this straight, he called you at eleven in the night yesterday and wanted to meet you ? At your apartment?” Hana was saying. 

The new girl was blushing as red as a tomato.

“Yeah...he uh... he told me he was just returning from his training. He’s a boxer.” There’s a shy sort of admiration in her voice and I felt an odd sense of foreboding. 

“Booty call.... He wanted to fuck you for sure.” Jieun said firmly. “ You’re a lucky bitch, Sana... ”

Sana.....

My fingers started trembling when I heard the familiar name. I tried to calm myself down but it was impossible . A red hot sort of rage began licking its way up my spine. It wasn’t new. I knew he fucked other people. We both did. 

but I’d never stood within two feet of one of his conquests. 

“ Yeah...but then he called me like an hour later and said he wasn’t coming around.” Her voice was tinged with disappointment and I felt a sick sort of satisfaction. 

Jungkook had cancelled because of the pic I’d sent him. 

“Maybe he thought he wanted more.... like you told me he asked you to come meet him at practice tomorrow right? To get coffee afterwards... ? Maybe he wants to do this properly....take you out on dates...get to know you....”

I couldn’t stay there a second longer. 

“Ladies...” I bowed quickly and they offered me cheerful smiles. I all but ran out of the restroom, hating the sharp sting of tears somewhere near my lashes. 

I stumbled to the back stairwell, which was mostly unused and usually deserted. Gripping the walls, I slid down to sit on the floor, drawing my knees up to bury my face in. 

There was a reason I didn’t do public sex, I thought, shaking. Despite the way I mouthed off at Jungkook, sex with him always took a toll and I had always, always made sure I had space and time to recover from it. Gripping my thighs and trying to fight the urge to whine, I fumbled with my phone. 

“Areum?”

“Can I have the day off?” I whispered, shaking a little. 

“You alright?” Hoseok’s voice sounded genuinely worried and I hummed.

“ Got my period.” I said blankly. 

“ Gotchu. I’ll fill up the form and get one of the interns to pack your stuff up. You need to get some meds or something? Need a ride home?”

I felt warmth bloom in my chest. This is why Hoseok was such a great HR manager. He genuinely cared. 

“ I don’t need a ride. Or anything else.” I said quickly, “I’ll take a cab...”

There was a slight shuffling and then, an altogether familiar and unwelcome voice in the background went.

“Who’s that?”

Oh fuck. What the hell was he doing there? 

“Areum...hang on, Jungkook’s here....he wants to talk to you...” Hoseok said quickly and before I could protest , I heard Jungkook’s low raspy exhale against my ears.

“Where are you?” He said shortly. 

I considered protesting but remembered that Hoseok was still there. 

“ The back stairwell... I... I’ll come there , I...”

“Stay right there. I’ll come get you.” 

Before I could respond, he had hung up. I stayed on the floor, staring stright at the opposite wall. I forced myself not to think, trying to take deep breaths. The truth was I was exhausted. Physically and otherwise. 

Letting my head fall back against the wall, I closed my eyes, trying not to think about what Id’ heard in the restroom. Was Jungkook interested in Sana? Meeting him at practice? Coffee? 

That just screamed dating to me. I’d always assumed that Jungkook wasn’t into dating. That he just enjoyed quick fucks because that’s all he had ever offered me. So maybe, it wasn’t because Jungkook didn’t want to date. It was because Jungkook didn’t want to date  me. 

 Which was fine. I didn’t want to date him either. I really didn’t . 

“Hey....you okay?”

I had to inhale shakily, just to bring myself to look at him. I felt my heart ache something fierce because he was kneeling in front of me, strands of hair falling into doe back eyes. Eyes that fairly glistened with genuine concern. There was no infuriating smirk or haughty smile....instead his lips were parted in genuine concern, eyebrows furrowed in worry and one hand resting on my knee , fingers just so unfamiliarly gentle. 

I stared at him for another second and smiled evenly.

“Guess I’m gonna be needing that wheelchair after all.” I quipped. 

He stared at me for a second before his face split in a wide grin, a genuine bark of laughter spilling out of him. He looked so carefree and unabashed that I bit my lips, staring at him some more. 

“Let’s get you home , yeah?”

I nodded, letting him grip my arm to help me up. 

“It’s okay. I can walk... “ I said softly and he hummed, but still kept an arm around me and I noticed that he had my handbag slung on the other shoulder.

We reached the elevator and rode down in silence .

I followed him to the basement parking and he fumbled with the smart key to his car , pointing in the direction of the multitude of cars and I watched one of the flashy red ones blink. 

“Let’s go to my place...., yeah?” He said casually and I groaned.

“Jungkook, I know this going to make your ego swell but I’m not joking when I say that I cannot physically take your dick at least for another couple of days.” 

He rolled his eyes. 

“I don’t want to fuck you, God. I’m working on a project for the Art Fest down at the Museum and I’m staying home. You can rest there....” He said casually, moving to put his seat belt on. He fixed the mirrors by prodding a few buttons and I watched the tattoos on his arm flex as he gripped the steering wheel, one arm coming around the headrest of my seat so he could turn and back out of the lot carefully. 

I frowned at the broad shoulders near my face. .

“Why would I rest there? I have a home....” I protested , watching him hold the door open for me. 

“Because I know for a fact that , it being Monday, both your sister and your mother are supposed to be coming over today to cook and clean for you because you have no life skills, “ He grinned and I glared at him, “ . They’ll probably notice the limp and I just thought I’d spare you the humiliation.” 

I didn’t respond because he was right. My mom and sister were home and it would be impossible to get any rest with them around. The fact that Jungkook somehow knew this made me feel jittery and nervous though. 

“You have a fight this weekend?” I blurted out before I could stop myself. 

He kept his eyes on the road, sparing me just one questioning glance.

“How’d you know?” He asked curiously and I bit my lips.

 I’ve been following your boxing career for a three years.

 “ Just heard someone say something at the office...” I said vaguely. 

“You aren’t invited.” He said sharply and I gripped the seats, annoyed.

“I don’t want to be there anyway.” I snapped back. 

He huffed.

“I’m serious about what I do Areum... I don’t want you interfering in that part of my life, alright? We’ve been through this before.”

I sneered at that.

“I know....isn’t that why you literally banned me from your gym. “ 

He didn’t reply and I stared at my hands. 

He had invited that girl, though, my mind supplied helpfully. 

He invited her not only to the gym, to watch him practice, but also for coffee afterwards...you know...to get to know her better....probably because she’s not the kind of girl who would spread her legs as easily as you do.....

 I stared out of the window, remembering how pretty and put together Sana had looked. The dainty walk, the perfect make up and the long hair, styled perfectly. 

I was beautiful too. Of course I was and I knew it. 

Men like Jungkook didn’t go for unattractive women even if it was for a quick lay. But, there’s beauty and then there’s actual charm? I wasn’t charming in any sense of the word. But then, did I have to be charming and attractive and perfect to go see him fight? 

Why?

What about the other people there? If literally anyone could go watch him fight, why wasn’t I allowed? 

“I want to come watch you train....” I said impulsively, my anger getting the better of me. 

Jungkook turned to give me a shocked stare. 

“What? Why?” His eyes narrowed in suspicion and I shrugged.

“No reason.” I said shortly. I could physically feel his irritation build. 

“Areum....” He began , voice holding a note of warning but I refused to back down.

“Literally anyone can visit your gym. You own the thing and you love offering discounts to everyone you meet...and yet somehow, I’m ‘ banned’. Why?” I demanded.

“Because I don’t want you there...That’s a good enough reason for me.” He snapped back and I clenched my fists harder. 

“Well, sucks for you. I’m gonna be there. On the front row. Let me see what’s so great about Jeon Jungkook in the ring that drives women wild...” I scoffed.

He stared at me for a second and then chuckled.

“Ahh..... so you just wanna watch me get wet and sweaty.... ? Understandable.”

I sneered. 

“You have been wet and sweaty on top of me enough times and trust me the novelty has long worn off.”  

He groaned.

“It genuinely feels like anytime I try to be halfway decent human being to you, you repay me by being as annoying as you can....” He said thoughtfully and I couldn’t say anything to that. 

i flinched when his hand reached out, moving to my knees and squeezing /lightly.

“What are you doing?” I frowned slapping at his fingers and he merely moved his hand higher up my thigh. I flinched when he squeezed again.  

“The only time you’re remotely bearable is when I’m touching you....So I’m gonna keep my hand here...” He gave me a smug grin, eyes practically dancing with mirth and I grimaced. 

“I’m still going to come. I want to.” I said firmly. 

He didn’t argue further.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Much to my surprise , I slept away the better part of the day, buried in Jungkook’s soft white sheets , head pillowed in the dozen fluffy throws he kept around. It was vaguely arousing that someone so intensely masculine like Jungkook preferred a comfortable , soft toned bedroom. The sheets smelled exactly like him, a fresh citrusy scent that managed to be soothing and sweet and yet somehow seductively warm as well. 

I woke up to fingers in my hair, lightly stroking. The room was dim, a little bit of light from the streets spilling in through the gaps between the curtains. 

“Areum.... It’s almost eight.... I’m gonna order us something for dinner... You wanna wake up now?” 

His voice. Fuck. 

I rolled over , groggy and disoriented. My eyes took in the splendor that was Jeon Jungkook, taking in the fact that he was only wearing grey sweatpants . I stared at the smooth expanse of his chest, feeling arousal bloom , slow and steady all over me. 

“I wanna suck you off...” I croaked out before I could fully filter my own thoughts.

Jungkook chuckled a bit at that. 

“I’m not gonna say no to that, but why don’t you take a shower and wake up fully.

I shook my head.

“ Let’s get messy first..... we can shower later...” I whined, still blinking and he groaned, slipping into the bed with me, under the covers, grabbing me by the waist and lifting me up till I was on him, my chin resting on his chest as I stared at his beautiful face. 

 What am I doing here? Where is this leading?

“I’ve never seen you like this. “ He commented mildly.

“Like what?”

“Sleepy and horny....Usually you‘re just angry and horny.” 

I shook my head. 

 “I should go.” I said hesitantly.. Jungkook didn’t respond for a few seconds, merely staring at me with a blank look on his face. Then he gave me a slight squeeze around my waist and moved out from under me. .

“I can call you a cab...” He said simply, moving to get up off the bed again. I felt something jump in my throat . It was unlike him to acquiesce so fast, and it was unlike us to just.... hang out without mutual orgasms thrown in the mix and somehow that felt like a change I wasn’t ready for. A bit of panic flashed through and I reached out blindly when he stood up, grabbing his waist and yanking him closer.

I looked up at him, scooting to the edge of the bed and kneeling till I was right in front of him. 

Eager to get things back to normal, I smiled and casually, pressed both my hands behind my back, looping my fingers together at the base of my spine. 

“Get those handcuffs.” 

Jungkook’s dick literally twitched in his pants and he swore.

“Fuck baby....” He grabbed my face roughly, crashing his lips over mine. I kissed back, almost desperate, trying to remember all the reasons why he annoyed me, why this was all we were to each other. A quick fuck, a quick lay, fuck buddies. that's what we were......

“Stay here. Stay right here...Don’t fucking move.” He pulled back and dove for his bed stand. I watched as he pulled out a silky black tie. 

I grinned when he nearly fell, scrambling up on the bed and pushing up behind me. He grabbed the hem of my blouse, yanking it up over my head before grabbing my wrists together again , tying them swiftly behind me. 

“Only you...” He whispered against the back of my neck. “ Only you can do this to me. Drive me wild with want just by fucking existing....” 

And then he was lying down near me, grabbing my waist and jostling me around till I was straddling his waist. It took me a second to orient myself I managed to steady myself, staring down at him in surprise. 

“ Seeing as you said you needed a break from my dick, how about you come sit on my face, today?” He smirked. 

I tested the give on my hands, before carefully leaning down to him

“Sure you have the lung capacity for this , Jeon?” I whispered, lips brushing his as I spoke. 

He responded by gripping my waist hard, easily lifting me up till i was straddling his shoulders. 

“I’m ready to drown in that sweet sweet honeypot, baby...” He winked and it was such a ridiculously bad joke that the laughter got wrenched out of me. 

And just like that , we were back to being us again. Or at least, that's what I convinced myself of. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AUTHOR’S NOTE : TELL ME WHAT YOU GUYS THOUGHT ....I WANTED THIS TO BE JUST PORN BUT APPARTENTLY I CANT WRITE ANYTHING WITHOUT ANGST FML. 

Also requests open :) 

[thanksjro]

More Than Meets the Eye #30 - The Cybertronian Judicial System is a Friggin’ Joke

Have I mentioned that I’m not a huge fan of court case stories? I think they’re pretty boring, on average, so the last couple of issues have been slightly dragging for me.

Anyway, back to Megatron’s trial. 

Our issue opens up with a full back shot of Ultra Magnus.

Artists take note, he really is built like a capital T.

As Magnus reads out Megatron’s statement retracting his “guilty” plea, we get some decent points as to why. See, telling a guy that you’ll stab him in the brain, so his trial can be over as quickly as possible, maybe isn’t such a hot idea. Megatron wasn’t a huge fan of that, or of how those memories they would’ve yanked outta him would have been used to fuel the Autobot propaganda machine. Why, you may ask?

Well, I don’t know if you knew this or not, but Megatron… doesn’t particularly care for the Autobots, nor the rhetoric they uphold.

I know, I was surprised too!

There’s also the fact that Optimus Prime is the judge on this whole thing. You know. Optimus Prime. Off and on leader of the Autobots, whenever it suits him. The guy who fucked off into space for a year after the war. The guy who threw a hissy fit when someone pointed out that he was compromised the last time they did something like this with Megatron. This guy:

Yeah, there might be a slight conflict of interests here. Remind me again why this had to be a military trial?

Anyway, enough of that, it’s time for a fight scene.

A swarm of Decepticons storm the arena, going after Megatron so they can help him escape. Magnus, though acting as Megatron’s defense, cannot abide by this disorder in the court.

Wild to think there’s a tiny little Pringles man with anxiety in there, isn’t it?

Optimus joins the fray, because there really are, just, so many guys to deal with here. A dude goes to collect Megatron, stating that they brought teleport packs for this little shindig. Megatron isn’t super jazzed about that though, not bothering to grab on before the dude gets shot to death. There’s a brief recess, I guess so the janitorial staff can deal with the mess of corpses littering the courtroom.

Meanwhile, in the present day, Rung’s building a model spaceship in Swerve’s, which is a very brave thing to be doing, seeing how sticky and gross bars can be. Brainstorm’s brought a flask to the bar, and proceeds to pour the contents into a funnel sticking out of his arm.

Our bartender for the evening- I’m assuming it’s evening, but I doubt the concept of time has any real weight in space- is Bluestreak. Bluestreak was stationed on Earth for a while, which is some Phase One stuff, and took a liking to human media while he was there. He’s the guy who handles movie night these days, seeing as Rewind’s too busy being dead to do it, and I doubt Chromedome has the emotional bandwidth to take over for his late spouse.

Bluestreak’s favorite movie is Zulu, a film glorifying the colonialism of the English over the native populace of an African kingdom. Make of that what you will.

Whirl wants to watch À Bout de Soufflé, or Breathless, as it was translated for the English-speaking world, which is a French New Wave film about a criminal who shoots a cop, hides from the police in a journalist’s home, who he seduces and likely impregnates. She eventually finds out what he did, reports him to the police, but then has a change of heart and lets him know what she’s done. He runs, but is shot, and dies in the street. The film is notable for its final scene, in which the following dialogue happens, between the dying criminal Michael, his lover Patricia, and an officer.

Of course, any poignancy would almost certainly be lost on the average comic book reader, and is also somewhat nullified by Whirl praising the film with internet lingo.

Then again, I suppose Whirl would be the type to dismantle any deeper reading of his interest in such a film, lest he be subjected to the horrifying ordeal of being known.

Over with Skids and Riptide, it’s revealed that Megatron’s been teaching classes on the Lost Light, specifically on the Knights of Cybertron. Riptide’s getting an education, because he’s been feeling pretty lost since the war ended- we’ll get to the potential whys of that later on. Swerve isn’t a fan of this community college thing that’s going on, stating that Megatron’s using it as a distraction, so he can devise plots most foul.

Back in the past, Autobot high command is having a talk about what Megatron’s demanding, and man is it a doozy— turns out, since the trial’s happening on Luna 2, the trial proceedings are subject to the laws of the moon. One of these moon laws is the right to request being judged by the Knights of Cybertron. Now, this is a problem, seeing as the Knights of Cybertron have been AWOL for the last several million years, but the law is the law, and you can’t just go ignoring it when someone’s pointed it out.

Bro, your SIC just suggested y’all pull the trial so you could slap it on Cybertron, thus negating any need to pay attention to the Knight law. That’s such a gross miscarrying of justice, it’s genuinely baffling. You’ve got bigger issues going on than flouting. My god, Optimus, you were a cop—

Oh wait, that’s right. Carry on, then.

Back on the Lost Light, First Aid’s checking to make sure that the coffin Rodimus they revealed last issue is true and proper dead. Now, this may seem like a given, but you’ve got to remember that Brainstorm was mostly dead for over a year and a half, and nobody fucking noticed, so it’s probably for the best that they’re checking.

First Aid’s been pretty withdrawn since Ambulon died, so this autopsy is really good for him, since it got him out of his room. Pretty fucked up that it would take a dead body to get him out and about. Has Rung checked in on his poor son of a gun, or has he been spending the last six months getting his professional rocks off psychoanalyzing a genocidal warlord?

Our coffin Rodimus died from having parts of his brain removed, and potentially died screaming.

Yes, that is a Furmanism, thank you peanut gallery, moving on—

Ratchet hands the phone over to Ultra Magnus, saying that a call has to be made, and it can’t be by him, because the callee is mighty upset with Ratchet at the moment.

Oh, I guess he’s fine after all. This must be where the sci-fi bullshit really starts kicking in for the series.

Because seeing your own dead body is likely very traumatic and awful, Rodimus is taking a while to string together his thoughts on the matter. Megatron doesn’t particularly care, because he’s not terribly sympathetic to this sort of thing, and the two get into a spat, where it’s revealed that they’re co-captaining the Lost Light.

Because things weren’t chaotic enough on this fucking ship. Need to mix in some peacocking between the McDonalds twunk and the man who killed half of Beijing.

Back in the past, Optimus Prime visited Megatron in prison to have a little chat. It’s not about that little rescue attempt, though the fact that those Decepticons may have been released from the Lost Light’s brig is certainly interesting. No, Optimus is here to sit way too close to his mortal nemesis on the floor of his room and talk about how Megatron is a sneaky bastard.

You remember the Hellraiser puzzle box from a couple issues back? Yeah, that was a communicube, one that was passed to Optimus to suggest that the trial be held on the moon, so the arena there would be able to hold all the people wronged by Megatron. This seems pretty damn convenient in hindsight, but Megatron swears that the legal loophole wasn’t his only intent when he sent the cube.

Because it’s all about you, isn’t it, Megatron? It’s all about how you’re perceived by future generations. Fuck the guys who had to actually deal with what your personal choices caused to happen.

Megatron wants to make amends with all those who were wronged by him. This doesn’t include being acquitted of his crimes, which, y’know, good- at least he’s being slightly realistic about how this is going to turn out for him.

What he wants to do is find Cyberutopia, so the Cybertronians have a replacement planet, since Cybertron kind of sucks now.

Oh, sorry, did I say realistic? I take it back.

In the present, Rodimus is still bummed out about being dead. Still, the day doesn’t stop just because it’s a bad one, and he calls in the experts.

CHROMEDOME YOU PROMISED TO STOP THIS SHIT

Yeah, no, Chromedome’s fallen off the wagon again, and does his thing on the coffin Rodimus. As he does, Megatron suddenly gets squeamish, Brainstorm pulls out his early early-warning device to lean on the fourth wall, and it’s revealed that the coffin that coffin Rodimus was in was built in the fashion of the Spectralist faith.

All Chromedome can suss out of coffin Rodimus’ memories is the really big important stuff, which includes the speech at Rivet’s Field inviting folks to come join the Knight Quest. Aww, that’s sweet.

With the analysis of the innermost energon complete, the results are in— the coffin Rodimus is a Rodimus. A real one, from the near future. Bummer.

I suppose denial is one of the seven stages of grief, isn’t it?

As everyone argues over whether or not Rodimus is going to die, Nightbeat brings up a good point— there aren’t any numbers carved into the coffin Rodimus’ hand. Rodimus is about to reveal some Ratchet-original wisdom, when things start getting really weird; whole sections of the Lost Light are disappearing.

Over at Swerve’s, Tailgate is regaling his peers with the story of his derring-do against Chief Justice Tyrest. Everyone is very impressed, and this includes our good buddy Getaway.

Jeez, think you’ve got enough antagonist shadows on this guy? It’s almost as if the art’s trying to tell us something about him.

Getaway lays it on real thick, saying that Tailgate could totally be the next Prime, with how courageous and awesome he is, all while completely ignoring Tailgate’s personal space and having a weirdly tiny hand. This seems to seriously bother Cyclonus, who is watching this shit go down from the doorway. Our purple space jet leaves once the drinks start being poured and conversation starts happening. God knows he hates talking about his insecurities.

Then the Pipes is Friggin’ Dead alarm goes off. But Pipes has been dead for a while now, so that must mean something else awful is happening.

Back during the trial, I guess because Optimus has a soft spot for Megatron, he allows him to join the Lost Light’s Knight Quest… even as he says that he could keep the guy locked up until Rodimus and pals find the Knights. However, there are rules to this, and one of the rules is that Megatron must publicly denounce the Decepticon cause.

It is a slow and painful experience for everyone involved, as he reads the statement he was given. It’s an immediate call to action- or rather, inaction.

Geez, think they could’ve made it any more obvious that this was being ghostwritten? I can’t wait to see how long it takes for “Megatron was blackmailed into saying this by the Autobots” to be a plotpoint.

Outside the prison, Ratchet and Rodimus are taking in the brand new Rod Pod, which is genuinely ridiculous in how large it is. Rodimus admits to having taken Atomizer’s list, though he knows that trying to use it to keep those who voted him off would be a pretty shitty thing to do.

Also, no one’s told him about Megatron coming along on the trip. As captain.

Or you could, I dunno, lock him up from the start. Or, if you want to give him a chance to prove himself, slap him into a bottom-rung role, like bilge cleaner, or sewage mucker, or whatever the equivalent would be on a spaceship full of giant gay robots. We don’t have to give the guy any power to hold him to scrutiny— any minimum wage worker will tell you that scrutiny comes far harsher for those who actually carry out orders than those who give them.

But what do I know? I’ve never fought in a several million year war, and I don’t plan to.

Getting back to the list, it seems as if Ratchet and Rodimus are on the same wavelength, in that both agree it’s only going to cause trouble and hurt feelings to keep the thing around. Rodimus destroys it with his usual flare, only to be blindsided by the fact that it was fake this entire time. How does Ratchet know this?

Because his name wasn’t on it.

...Man, that’s gotta sting. No wonder Rodimus was upset enough to not take his calls.

In the present, everyone’s in a panic, as they all bolt for the shuttle bay and start pouring into shuttles. The Lost Light is disintegrating around them, which is sort of a problem. Despite this nightmare scenario happening, Rodimus and Megatron still find the time to be assholes to each other. That’s dedication right there.

As the two bicker, multiple shuttles zip away from the rapidly disappearing ship, including the Rod Pod.

Man, now it really is the Lost Light.

[rason-rodd]

All The Time We Need - Jason Todd x Fem!Reader (NSFW)

Summary: Reader and Jason meet again after two years being apart and reconnect with their long lost love.

Warning : Angst, Fluff, Smut  

Author’s note: A OS definitely inspired by my 2-years long hiatus and that somewhat acknowledges it. It was almost cathartic writing it and allowed me to reconnect with Jason on a writing scale. You can read it as a sequel to “Summer Love and Swimming Pool” or not. Some moments are a bit too cheesy to my taste but I hope you’ll enjoy it nevertheless. NSFW Part is at the end. You can skip that part if you want to.

You actually realise Time flies when you take time to acknowledge it. And sometimes acknowledging is like getting buried under a mountain of sand and feeling each grain slowly chocking you and reminding you there is no escaping. The sands of Time cannot be stopped, nor can they be shoveled. They run and slip through your fingers like dust in the wind and the tighter you try to grasp them the faster they go. And when they’re gone, there is no catching them back.     That’s why Time is scary. Because no matter what you do, it won’t allow you to go back or to put an end to it. And it will certainly not allow you to forget about it either. Time will pave your life until the day you die with a constant reminder that, unlike it, you’re not eternal. And the saddest thing is it doesn’t care about what you think of it.           And yet, it seemed like Jason Todd had managed to tell Time to go fuck itself. “How long has it been?”

He hadn’t changed a bit. Looking as handsome as ever. Always and eternally sporting the same disheveled short black hair and the same mischievous yet tortured blue eyes, eyes that had put you in more trouble than you could remember. “Two years or so … I don’t know.”             All you could remember was a passionate summertime infatuation that had burnt your body and your heart night and day like a hot and dazzling sun. A fading yet intense memory you secretly cherished and replayed in period of loneliness and that you couldn’t seem to be able to replace on the timeline of your life. “Still so beautiful, I see.” You scoffed and he chuckled. “What?”       “You haven’t changed a bit, have you?” He scratched his head; arm muscles compressed in a leather jacket à la Jason that made you wonder how he could bear wearing such a light jacket in such freezing weather. “I tend to believe constancy is a quality.” You goggled at his smile, childish, adorable yet naturally so seductive. The same smile that used to make your legs shake and turn to jell-o. “I didn’t know you were back in Gotham.”         “Right back at you. Last time I heard of you, you were in this little town … Hopletown, was it?”   “Appleton.” He corrected. “Looks like Timbo talks about me in my absence.”           “You’re his brother. Of course, he talks about you, just like everyone else in your family.” Judging by his signature small crooked smile on his face he seemed touched by your words, taking even time to ponder over them. Did the family really think of him in his absence?

Shivering, you tightened your wool coat around you, attempting to prevent the cold wind to infiltrate under the cloth and steal your body heat, as you let Jason think about what you had just said. But your reaction didn’t go unnoticed and it managed to pull him out of his train of thoughts. “Do you want to go somewhere warmer? We could have something to drink, catch on. I’m sure you got plenty to tell.”         “Not plenty but I could use a hot tea.” You confessed, already imagining the spicy smell of cinnamon and chai in your nostrils and the hot steam caressing your cold face.     “Amazing.” He grinned, genuinely happy and excited, a bit like a little boy at a toy store, and lowered your beanie to properly cover your ice-cold reddened ears. That gesture got you confused for a small second but it was so sweet and caring you eventually smiled. Ah Todd, always the overprotective type I see.

***

“So, what are you doing in Gotham City? I thought you wanted to ‘travel the world Dora The Explorer-style and get the hell out of this cesspool’?” He quoted you and your genuine chuckle made him smile but only briefly as you gained back your seriousness in a matter of seconds.

He could tell you were not the same girl he used to date two summers ago. You had changed, matured. You had become a woman, a woman who seemed to struggle with responsibilities so heavy they could crush her at any second. You looked tired, weary… sad even. The cheeky light in you was gone. And he wanted to know why. Not out of curiosity but to help you.           “Well, I did travel and it was awesome, like a dream come true. But I guess we always wake up from dreams eventually.” You looked down at your tea, looking at your pale reflection in the hot water, melancholia hitting you like a train. “My mother got sick and, well, her savings were not enough to pay for all the medical care so … let’s say I had to swap my backpack for a satchel… I work at Wayne Enterprises now. Bruce hired me, out of pity I suppose.”         “I’m sure it wasn’t out of pity.” You shrugged and Jason grabbed your hand and you looked up at him. “And I’m sorry about your mother. I know how it’s like to …”     “Do you still think about us?” You abruptly cut him short, not willing to keep talking about your personal issues or to plunge Jason back in dark memories that you know were very hard for him to handle.     Sure, you could have chosen another question, another topic of conversation but the thing was that those words were niggling at you since the moment you two broke up. “I mean do you happen to think about what happened between us?”

Jason didn’t answer at first, more out of surprise than out of hesitation because there was none. There was just one answer to that question. Of course.             Of course he had thought about you all over those two years. Of course he had thought about what happened, about the moments spent with you – however ephemeral they had been -, about that love he had felt and had never learned to completely erase despite the women who had entered and exited his life. Of course there had been nights in which he had replayed the lustful burning memories of you in his arms, against him, against his naked body. Of course was the answer. But not the answer he gave you. “Come with me.” He forced you to get up and slammed a fifty-dollar bill against the table, not caring about the hot chocolate he hadn’t finished or the blueberry muffin you had barely touched. “But … the change.” You tried to protest.         “Fuck the change. I want to show you something.”

***

           Out of all the places in Gotham, you never thought he would have brought you here. “Why are we here, Jason?”       It was an ancient building, far from the fancy city centre and only a few blocks away from Crime Alley. Dilapidated, covered in colorful yet ugly graffiti, this place looked liked a landmark for drug dealers and junkies and it was an understatement to say that, without Jason’s company, it would have normally made you feel unsafe and uncomfortable.         “I grew up here, before Bruce took me in.” You glanced at Jason who was staring at the place with both disgust and melancholia. “I’ve always hated that place. But it was home. And I guess it made me… I guess that is because of that place that I somehow became the man I am today… I mean, if Jason Todd hadn’t grow up here with a junkie mother and a lousy father he would have never met Brue Wayne and never became …” He stopped, on purpose, you could tell it. “Even if I hate to, I come back here when I want to think of my past, when I’m looking for a reason to keep on fighting. This place is like my temple, a memento of who I am. Damn, you must think I’m crazy.”         “ No, not at all… ” You smiled and put your hand on his arm to reassure him. “Just very Romantic for the bad boy of the Wayne family.” You teased him, knowing perfectly that literature always been Jason’s hobbyhorse and that the whole bad boy thing was a persona, a thick armour he had made to protect himself.     “Blame Alfred. He’s the one who made me ready Wordsworth.” He joked, appreciating the small banter. “Follow me.”           You took the warm hand he offered you and followed him inside the decaying building, minding your step and trying to ignore the dirt and the potential rats.          

Once on the third floor, Jason pushed a rackety wooden door that cracked and squeaked on its hinges and you entered what once was his house. “You grew up here?” You asked only to fill the heavy void caused by this dreadful place. “It was the living room. Used to hide under the table there when my parents were fighting.”

You looked around you, trying to imagine a small Jason living in here. You always knew about his crappy childhood but there is a huge difference between what you had imagined based on the stories Jason had told you in the intimacy of your bedroom and this place.       “You asked me why we’re here.” You turned around and spotted Jason knelt on the dusty wooden floor, a small dusty shoebox that he had just taken from under a floorboard between his hands. “I’ve had this since I was a child. Used to keep the things I loved most in it. Somehow, even after I left this place, I never could take it away from here.” He handed it to you and you slowly opened it, careful not to drop it. You could tell this box was important to Jason.

The content left you silent and you sat on the floor near Jason to study it. “I never really opened it. I don’t like getting stuck in the past. It terrifies me.” You frowned, thinking about all the nightmares, all the anxiety attacks he used to have back in the days you were together. “I never showed it to anyone either but hopefully that’ll answer the question you asked me in that coffee shop.” The question? You had forgotten about it, way too overwhelmed by the sudden solemnity of this moment.  “Never?”           “You’re my first. You should be proud” He tried to joke to lighten the mood and it worked for a couple of seconds. Then, you saw it, among a dog toy, a broken necklace, a batarang and other small tokens. A photo of you two kissing and smiling. A Polaroid you had personally taken on the day when Tim had offered you the camera to illustrate your travel book. “You kept it.” You declared in a whisper.     “I told you. I keep the things I love most in that box.” You stared at Jason, at the cracks of melancholia and the vulnerability in his beautiful blue eyes he allowed only a few people to see. “Of course I thought of you over the years.”       You were not the cheesy romantic type. Jason was - something rooted to his love for gothic literature and poetry you supposed. But that sincere and pure confession got you all … flushed? bothered? You couldn’t really pinpoint the feeling but you could feel the shaky warmth spreading in your body, now paralyzed by the beauty of that moment. “Did you … think of me?”

If Time could stop, you would have chosen this moment to stop it. Here, now, away from your stressful life and its issues, away from all fears and all pains, with Jason and only him, forgetting about the past you’ll never be able to change or the future that vows to be uncertain and scary, thinking about what truly matters, now. “What do you think?” He chuckled and you saw his hand slightly twitch, as if he was hesitating to do something. And so you took it in yours and shared an umpteenth intimate look only he could read. “Sometimes I wish I’d never left.” Meaning, sometimes I wish I would have stayed and be with you.           “Trust me, princess. You made the right choice. Your life would have been miserable with me.” He tried to reassure you, in vain. After all, he could barely convince himself? “More miserable than the one I have right now? I seriously doubt it, Jay.” You frowned and finally got up, leaving Jason’s box on the ground, to watch at the sunset and its red golden rays from the shattered window. “What do you think would have happened had I stayed?” You had your ideas; small little ones of pure love, happiness and bliss that Jason would have managed to lock in that little box of his. “I have a better question, Y/N. What do you think can happen right now?” He was towering you, expecting an answer, waiting as he was gazing at your skin glowing under the soft light of the sun and at your shining eyes. “You tell me, Todd.” This sentence echoed in Jason’s head as a call.

And so his thumb brushed your cold cheek and you looked up at his face, your eyes glued to his features observing them and all the small details you hadn’t noticed before. A little scar thin as a needle on his right brow and a much bigger one, an invisible one that you could see in his eyes, the scar left by all the losses and the pains he had gone through recently. Roy, Bizarro, Artemis. Maybe Jason had changed as well after all. Maybe there was no secret to stop time. But he didn’t let you ponder over this and gently pressed his lips on yours.

He needed that. He had thought about it all day and the truth was, you had too. You welcomed his kiss without hesitation or second thoughts and came to press your small body against his - which seemed so tall and strong in comparison to yours – to instinctively look for safety and protection. “I missed you, princess.” He whispered close to your mouth for a brief second before capturing your full lips with his again. “I missed you too.” You confessed, hands over his hard chest, feeling his heart beat loudly under your palms.     Jason was holding you close now, his arms tightly circled around your form as if he was scared for you to leave, scared to be alone again. His fingers weaving in your hair, his head buried in the nape of your neck, he was pecking your delicate skin, smelling the sweet and heady perfume, glad it was exactly like the one he remembered. “Damn, Y/N. You’re still driving me crazy.”  He murmured as he allowed his hands to slide in your coat and under your jumper to caress your bare back, awakening a cheekiness that you thought was long gone. “I tend to believe constancy is a quality.” You quoted him.

***

           As soon as the door to your apartment slammed shut, your coat dropped to the floor and with hasty hands, Jason threw your beanie across the room, showing an excitement you had almost forgotten. It almost knocked an old crystal vase over but he couldn’t care less.   He had waited long enough. Two years to be precise and he couldn’t wait a second longer. “Bedroom?” He asked between two hungry kisses that were making you almost suffocating against him. “ At the end of the corridor.” You whispered, already breathless, as you managed to finally get rid of his leather jacket.       “Okay.” He suddenly grabbed you to hoist you up with incredible ease, hands under your ass, squeezing it on purpose. A lustful yet cheerful action that made you yelp in surprise.  “I’m already making you scream? Perfect.” He declared with an amused smile as he rushed towards the bedroom, with you in his arms, your legs wrapped around his waist, his lips devouring yours.     “Wrong door.” You said as he tried to open the bathroom. “Fuck.” You giggled and very soon your body finally bounced on your bed as it landed on the soft mattress.

You attempted to sit down to admire Jason but before you could do anything the hasty young man was already on top of you, right in between your legs, his lips already kissing your hot belly as his hands were slowly pulling up your jumper above your lace-covered breasts.           That’s when your first moan finally escaped your mouth. “God. I missed that sound.” Jason mumbled against your shivering skin as he cupped and squeezed your round breasts. “Do it again.” He demanded, his tongue licking you up until it reached your cleavage. “Jason.” You moaned his name, feeling a very specific humid warmth forming in between your legs as you fingers were struggling to get rid of his green t-shirt.   He cursed and knelt on the bed to take off your jumper that he carelessly tossed on the nightstand. It knocked the lamp and the radio alarm clock to the ground with a loud clinking noise. “Can you stop breaking my stuff?” You joked and he apologized with another amused bright smile. “I’m sorry, princess”             “Are you? Show me how much.” You declared with an audacious confidence you hadn’t seen in a while. “Yes, ma’am.” Jason winked and immediately unbuttoned your jeans to pull them down along with your panties, revealing your wet and rosy womanhood begging for his attention. He sighed and took a deep breath when he saw it, glad to rediscover that little part of you. Slowly, his calloused fingers went to caress it, making you draw a sharp breath as your fingers tightened around the covers. You didn’t want him to tease you too long and you somewhat you know he wouldn’t. Not today. He was too excited and needy for that.     And so were you in a way judging by the certain frustration that made you mewl when Jason’s expert finger slowly entered you while his thumb came to tickle your swollen clit. You wanted him now but you had to admit you had missed his fingers down there, the same way you had missed everything about him. Which reminded you there was something you had to do. “Let’s even the odds, shall we? I want to see how you handle such a sweet torture.”   “Sweet torture?” He repeated with a cute chuckle as you unbuckled his leather belt. “How am I torturing you, Y/N?” You unzipped his black trousers and immediately plunged you hand in his underwear to gently grab his already hard cock, making Jason curse even more crudely than before.           You chuckled and free his shaft from his boxers to jerk him off. He was as thick and long as you remembered. You bit your lower lip, impatient to feel him inside you. “Like what you see?”             “Shut up.” You knelt on the mattress and immediately took his tip between your lips to suck it like a lollipop, enjoying the taste of his bitter pre-cum on your tongue and the sound of Jason’s sharp breath in your ears. “Damn it, princess.” He managed to say with half lidded eyes.   You licked his penis with a grin before finally welcoming it in your mouth with a lustful moan. How much you had missed it. “You know. I think I get what you mean by sweet torture now.” Jason confessed as he weaved his fingers in your soft hair, torn apart by two ideas: one, let you continue your amazing blow job. Two, fuck you like he never did before. But you did not listen and started bobbing your head the way you knew he loved, taking his dick as deep as you could without gagging around him. “Fucking hell, Y/N” Jason groaned as he grabbed your head between his hands to accompany your pace. “You’re fucking amazing.” Then, his hand gently slapped your ass and he bent over to kiss it with a loving smile that was swallowed by another growl of his as his abs violently tensed with pleasure. “Alright, enough.” He pushed you flat on your back and placed himself between your legs again. He kissed your folds and licked your slit to wet it even more than it already was to finally lingered on your clit that he sucked eagerly, forcing a guttural crying moan out of your tightly sealed lips. Damn, that tongue! “I thought you said enough.” You complained, your voice as low as a whisper.

Jason chuckled and smiled brightly before he eventually knelt in between your spread thighs. “God, how gorgeous you are.” He declared as he tapped his hard cock against your reddened lips, a cheeky gesture whose sole purpose was to make you beg. You knew it. “You want this?”       “Fuck, Jay.” You grumbled, moving your hips vigorously against his shaft, looking for a way to finally welcome it inside you. But Jason ignored your whim and bent over your body. “You want me?” His face was so close to yours you could feel his hot breath caressing your lips. “Yes.” You murmured. “I want you, Ja…” He did not let you finish your sentence and caught your lips with a burning eagerness, his hand around his cock guiding it inside you, making you moan in his mouth. “Fuck.” Jason growled between his gritted teeth as he felt himself slowly sinking inside of you. “I almost forgot you felt so tight.” “ I almost forgot you were so big.” You cleared your voice, an inexplicable mechanism to relax and allow his cock to fully enter and stretch you. “I know. Sorry.” He winced, adjusting his position on top of you to admire how beautiful you were around his penis and how perfect you pussy was for him. “Damn. I don’t know if I’ll last long, princess.” Jason admitted with a shiver and you cried out when he suddenly pulled out to push himself back inside of you with one long exquisite move. “That’s alright. We’ll do it again.”

Those last words made Jason grin in a way he had never done before as he was genuinely happy that you didn’t want this to be a one-time thing, a casual lay to remember the old good days.       So he immediately took a nice pace that quickened after each new thrust and you let your hands caress his smooth chest from his strong pectorals down to his divine abs and the chiselled V below his navel, finding him simply handsome. Then you nudged his rear with your ankles, pressing his hips closer to yours to take him deeper inside of you, and started moaning his name again, a strong wave of pleasure forming in your core, ready to drown you. “Jay!” His mouth met your neck and sucked on the thin skin with ardour. “Are you gonna cum for me, princess?” That was too much to handle. “Yeah” You cried out, tears of bliss watering your eyes.       “Cum for me then.” He didn’t have to say it twice. You dug your nails in his back and screamed loudly as your walls clenched around tightly his thick cock. “That’s it, princess.” He said as you kept calling his name on and on, sending him closer to a most awaited orgasm that he eventually reached and let explode in you under the shape of a loud growled “fuck” and beads of white seed right inside of you. “Y/N” Jason groaned between his gritted teeth as he thrust hard and deep in you for the last time, his sweaty forehead against yours. “Jay!” You shouted again while clawing at his back painfully enough to make him wince and hiss.     Then he stopped moving, exhausted and breathless just like you, and watched you sink in the mattress trying to catch your breath. He caressed your hair as you both slowly came down from cloud nine. A kiss on your nose and he whispered. “You’re okay?” and in spite of the silliness of the question you nodded. “Never been better.”

Your lips found each other again and Jason let himself lie down on you, placing his head on your breasts, listening to your hearts pounding and to your loud ragged breaths. “I missed you.” He whispered and he held you body against his.     “I missed you too.” You repeated as you planted a kiss in his wet dark hair. “Did you have to keep your jeans on?” The question escaped with a laugh and Jason chuckled. “You know me. Didn’t want to waste any time.” He managed to gather the little energy he had left to sit down and finally remove his trousers as he thought he would feel more comfortable without them. “Oops. I think I broke your clock.” He grimaced as he noticed you the broken device on the floor and the flickering numbers flashing up endlessly on the screen. “I don’t care.” You said as you pulled Jason back against you. “We’ve got all the time we need.”

[popculty]

52 Films by Women: 2020 Edition

Another annual challenge complete!

Last year, I focused on diversifying my list. This year I kept that intention but focused on watching more non-American films and films from the 20th century. Specifically, I sought out Agnès Varda’s entire filmography, after her death in 2019. (I was not disappointed - What a filmmaking legend we lost.) 

I also kept a film log for the first time and have included some of my thoughts on several films from that log. I made a point of including reviews both positive and negative, because I think it’s important to acknowledge the variability and breadth of the canon, so as not to put every film directed by a woman on a pedestal. (Although movies directed by women must clear a much higher bar to be greenlit, meaning generally higher quality...But that’s an essay for another day :)

* = directed by a woman of color

bold = fave

1. The Rhythm Section (2020) dir. Reed Morano - Not as good as it could have been, given Morano’s proven skill behind the camera, but also not nearly as bad as the critics made it out to be. And unbelievably refreshing to see a female revenge story not driven by sexual assault or the loss of a husband/child.

2. Cléo de 5 à 7 (1962) dir. Agnès Varda - If you ever wanted to take a real-time tour of Paris circa 1960, this is the film for you.

3. Little Women (2019) dir. Greta Gerwig - Still my favorite Little Women adaptation. I will re-watch it every year and cry.

4. Varda by Agnès (2019) dir. Agnès Varda & Didier Rouget

5. Booksmart (2019) dir. Olivia Wilde - An instant classic high school comedy romp that subverts all the gross tropes of its 1980s predecessors.

6. Girls of the Sun (2018) dir. Eva Husson

7. Blue My Mind (2017) dir. Lisa Brühlmann

8. Portrait of a Lady On Fire (2019) dir. Céline Sciamma - Believe the hype. This film is a master thesis on the female gaze, and also just really effing gorgeous.

9. Belle Epine (2010) dir. Rebecca Zlotowski

10. Vamps (2012) dir. Amy Heckerling - With Krysten Ritter and Alicia Silverstone as modern-day vampires, I was so ready for this movie. But it feels like a bad stage play or a sit-com that’s missing a laugh-track. Bummer.

11. *Birds of Prey (2020) dir. Cathy Yan - Where has this movie been all our lives?? Skip the next onslaught of Snyder-verse grim-darkery and give me two more of these STAT! 

12. She’s Missing (2019) dir. Alexandra McGuinness

13. The Mustang (2019) dir. Laure de Clermont-Tonnere - Trigger warning for the “protagonist” repeatedly punching a horse in the chest. I noped right out of there.

14. Monster (2003) dir. Patty Jenkins – I first watched this movie when I was probably too young and haven’t revisited it since. The rape scene traumatized me as a kid, but as an adult I appreciate how that trauma is not the center of the movie, or even of Aileen’s life. Everyone still talks about how Charlize “went ugly” for this role, but the biggest transformation here isn’t aesthetic, it’s physical – the way Theron replicates Wuernos’ mannerisms, way of speaking, and physicality. That’s why she won the Oscar. I also love that Jenkins calls the film “Monster” (which everyone labels Aileen), but then actually uses it to tell the story of how she fell in love with a woman when she was at her lowest, and that saved her. That’s kind of beautiful, and I’m glad I re-watched it so that I could see the story in that light, instead of the general memory I had of it being a good, feel-bad movie. It’s so much more than that.

15. Water Lilies (2007) dir. Céline Sciamma – Sciamma’s screenwriting and directorial debut, the first in her trilogy on youth, is as painfully beautiful as its sequels (Tomboy and Girlhood). It’s also one of the rare films that explores the overlap of queerness and girl friendships.

16. The Trouble with Angels (1966) dir. Ida Lupino – Movies about shenanigan-based female friendships are such rare delights. Rosalind Russel is divine as Mother Superior, and Hayley Mills as “scathingly brilliant” as the pranks she plays on her. Ida Lupino’s skill as an editor only enhances her directing, providing some truly iconic visual gags to complement dialogue snappy enough for Gilmore Girls. 

17. Vagabond (1985) dir. Agnès Varda – Shot with a haunting realism, this film has no qualms about its heroine’s inevitable, unceremonious death, which it opens with, matter-of-factly, before retracing her final (literal) steps to the road-side ditch she ends up in. (I’m partly convinced said heroine was the inspiration for Sarah Manning in Orphan Black.)

18. One Sings, The Other Doesn’t (1977) dir. Agnès Varda – Probably my favorite classic Varda, this film feels incredibly personal. It’s essentially a love story about two best friends with very different lives. For an indie made in the ‘70s, the diversity, scope, and themes of the film are impressive. Even if the second half a drags a bit, the first half is absolute perfection, engaging the viewer immediately, and clipping along, sprinkling in some great original songs that were way progressive for their time (about abortion, female bodily autonomy, etc) and could still be considered “bangers” today.

19. Emma (2020) dir. Autumn de Wilde

20. Black Panthers (1969) dir. Agnès Varda

21. Into the Forest (2016) dir. Patricia Rozema - When the world was ending (i.e. the pandemic hit) this was the first movie I turned to - a quiet, meditative story of two sisters (Elliot Page and Evan Rachel Wood) surviving off the land after a sudden global blackout. Four years later, it’s still one of my favorite book-to-screen adaptations. I fondly remember speaking with director Patricia Rozema at the 2016 Chicago Critics Film Festival after a screening, her love for the source material and desire to “get it right” so apparent. I assured her then, and reaffirm now, that she really did.

22. City of Trees (2019) dir. Alexandra Swarens

23. Never Rarely Sometimes Always (2020) dir. Eliza Hittmann - To call this a harrowing and deeply personal journey of a sixteen-year-old who must cross state lines to get an abortion would be accurate, but incomplete. It is a story so much bigger than that, about the myriad ways women’s bodies and boundaries are constantly violated.

24. Paradise Hills (2019) dir. Alice Waddington

25. *Eve’s Bayou (1996) dir. Kasi Lemmons – I’ve been meaning to watch Kasi Lemmons’ directorial debut for many years now, and I’m so glad I finally have, because it fully deserves its icon status, beyond being one of the first major films directed by a black woman. Baby Jurnee Smollett's talent was immediately recognizable, and she has reminded us of it in Birds of Prey and Lovecraft Country this year. If merit was genuinely a factor for Oscar contenders, she would have taken home gold at eleven years old. Beasts of the Southern Wild has been one of my all-time favorites, but now I realize that most of my appreciation for that movie actually goes to Lemmons for blazing the trail with her story of a young black girl from the bayou first. It’s also a surprisingly dark story about memory and abuse and familial relationships that cross lines - really gutsy and surprising themes, especially for the ‘90s.

26. Blow the Man Down (2019) dir. Bridget Savage Cole & Danielle Krudy - Come and get your sea shanty fix!

27. Touchy Feely (2013) dir. Lynn Shelton - R.I.P. :(

28. Hannah Gadsby: Douglas (2020) dir. Madeleine Parry - If you thought Gadsby couldn’t follow up 2018′s sensational Nanette with a comedy special just as sharp and hilarious, you would have been sorely mistaken.

29. Girlhood (2013) dir. Céline Sciamma

30. Breathe (2014) dir. Mélanie Laurent

31. *A Dry White Season (1989) dir. Euzhan Palcy

32. Laggies (2014) dir. Lynn Shelton

33. *The Old Guard (2020) dir. Gina Prince-Bythewood – Everything I’ve ever wanted in an action movie: Immortal gays, Charlize Theron wielding a labrys (battle axe), kinetic fight choreography I haven’t seen since the last Bond movie…Watched it twice, then devoured the comics it was adapted from, and I gotta say: in the hands of black women, it eclipses the source material. Cannot wait for the just-announced sequel.

34. Morvern Callar (2002) dir. Lynn Ramsay

35. Shirley (2020) dir. Josephine Decker

36. *Radioactive (2019) dir. Marjane Satrapi – The story is obviously well worth telling and the narrative structure – weaving in the future consequences of Curie’s discoveries – is clever, but a bit awkwardly executed and overly manipulative. There are glimpses of real brilliance throughout, but it feels as if the director’s vision was not fully realized, to my great disappointment. Nonetheless, I appreciated seeing Marie Curie's story being told by a female director and embodied by the always wonderful Rosamund Pike.

37. *The Half of It (2020) dir. Alice Wu - I feel like a real scrooge for saying this, but this movie did nothing for me. Nothing about it felt fresh, authentic or relatable. A real disappointment from the filmmaker behind the wlw classic Saving Face.

38. Mouthpiece (2018) dir. Patricia Rozema - I am absolutely floored. One of those films that makes you fall in love with the art form all over again. Patricia Rozema continues to prove herself one of the most creatively ambitious and insightful directors of our time, with this melancholic meditation on maternal grief and a woman’s duality.

39. Summerland (2020) dir. Jessica Swale - The rare period wlw love story that is not a) all-white or b) tragedy porn. Just lovely.

40. *The Last Thing He Wanted (2020) dir. Dee Rees – As rumored, a mess. Even by the end, I still couldn’t tell you who any of the characters are. Dee, we know you’re so much better than this! (see: Mudbound, Pariah)

41. *Cuties (2020) dir. Maïmouna Doucouré – I watched this film to 1) support a black woman director who has been getting death threats for her work and 2) see what all the fuss is about. While I do think there were possibly some directorial choices that could have saved quite a bit of the pearl-clutching, overall, I didn’t find it overly-exploitative or gross, as many (who obviously haven’t actually watched the film) have labeled it. It certainly does give me pause, though, and makes me wonder whether children can ever be put in front of a camera without it exploiting or causing harm to them in some way. It also makes one consider the blurry line between being a critique versus being an example. File this one under complicated, for sure.

42. A Call to Spy (2019) Lydia Dean Pilcher – An incredible true story of female spies during WWII that perfectly satisfied my itch for British period drama/spy thriller and taught me so much herstory I didn’t know.

43. Kajillionaire (2020) dir. Miranda July - I was lucky enough to attend the (virtual) premiere of this film, followed by an insightful cast/director Q&A, which only made me appreciate it more. July's offbeat dark comedy about a family of con artists is queerer and more heartfelt than it has any right to be, and a needed reprieve in a year of almost entirely white wlw stories. The family's shenanigans are the hook, but it's the budding relationship between Old Dolio (an almost unrecognizable Evan Rachel Wood) and aspiring grifter Melanie (the luminous Gina Rodriguez) that is the heart of the story.

44. Misbehaviour (2020) dir. Philippa Lowthorpe – Again, teaching me herstory I didn’t know, about how the Women’s Liberation Movement stormed the 1970 Miss World Pageant. Keira Knightley and Gugu Mbatha-Raw’s characters have a conversation in a bathroom at the end of the film that perfectly eviscerates well-meaning yet ignorant white feminism, without ever pitting women against each other - a feat I didn’t think was possible. I also didn’t think it was possible to critique the male gaze without showing it (*ahem Cuties, Bombshell, etc*), but this again, invents a way to do it. Bless women directors.

45. *All In: The Fight for Democracy (2020) dir. Liz Garbus and Lisa Cortes – 2020’s 13th. Thank god for Stacey Abrams, that is all.

46. *The 40-Year-Old Version (2020) dir. Radha Blank – This scene right here? I felt that in my soul. This whole film is so good and funny and heartfelt and relatable to any artist trying to walk that tightrope of “making it” while not selling their soul to make it. My only initial semi-note was that it’s a little long, but after hearing Radha Blank talk about how she fought for the two-hour run-time as a way of reclaiming space for older black women, I take it back. She’s right: Let black women take up space. Let her movie be as long as she wants it to be. GOOD FOR HER.

47. Happiest Season (2020) dir. Clea Duvall - Hoooo boy. What was marketed as the first lesbian Christmas rom-com is actually a horror movie for anyone who’s ever had to come out. Throw in casual racism and a toxic relationship treated as otp, and it’s YIKES on so many levels. Aubrey Plaza, Dan Levy, and an autistic-coded Jane are the only (underused) highlights.

48. *Monkey Beach (2020) dir. Loretta Todd

49. *Little Chief (2020) dir. Erica Tremblay – A short film part of the 2020 Red Nation Film Festival, it’s a perfect eleven minutes that I wish had gone on longer, if only to bask in Lily Gladstone in a leading role.

50. First Cow (2019) dir. Kelly Reichardt – I know Kelly Reichardt’s style, so I’ll admit-- even as I was preparing for an excellent film, I was also reaching for my phone, planning on only half paying attention during all the inevitable 30-second shots of grass blowing in the wind. (And yes, there are plenty of those.) But twenty minutes in, my phone was set aside and forgotten, as I am getting sucked into this beautiful story about two frontiersman trying to live their best domestic life.There is only one word to describe this film and that is: PURE. I’ve never seen such a tender platonic relationship between men on screen before, and it’s not lost on me that it took a woman to show us that tenderness. Reichardt gives us two men brought together by fate, and kept together by a shared dream and the simple pleasure of not being alone in such a hard world; two men who spend their days cooking, trapping, baking, and dreaming of a better life; two men who don’t say much, but feel everything for each other. The world would be a much better place if men showed us this kind of vulnerability and friendship toward each other. Oh, and it’s also a brutal take-down of capitalism and the myth of the American Dream!

51. Wonder Woman 1984 (2020) dir. Patty Jenkins - My most-anticipated film for the past two years was...well, a mixed bag, to say the least. Too many thoughts on it for a blog post, so stay tuned for the upcoming podcast ep where we go all in ;)

52. *Selah and the Spades (2019) dir. Tayarisha Poe

I hope this gives you some ideas to kick off your new year with a resolution to support more female directors!

What were your favorite women-directed movies of last year? Let me know in the tags, comments, or asks!

[a-life-lesson-in-submission]

Inside a Submissives Soul

Dear Diary -

I am often asking myself whether I write too little about this journey. There is much more going on than what I have wrote previously. Some things, like the exchange of emails between myself and Sir M I tend to re-read in my quiet moments. They're very personal, educational, refreshing and amusing all at the same time, it is very much a blessing to have such open communication. I am a fairly simple being in terms of what I need to feel wanted by someone. The complexity comes with the rest in time, I find I am having to do alot of self talk to make sense of my emotions and keep them realistic but it can be incredibly hard. Sometimes I feel I just need to hear the right thing to help my insecurities settle but it has to be meant.

Some things are better kept to myself and strictly between myself and Sir M, however some things I do overthink and to an extent fear, as I do not want it to impact negatively on our relationship. One day I will find out what is too much and too little I am sure...

Met with Sir M again, I was completely wired, so excited to see him, I didn't shut up rambling. His poor ears must have felt like hot pokers were being pushed through them. I like that we can talk about anything and everything, it's natural and comforting to have such a connection. No awkwardness, even if it is silent, it isn't awkward.

Saying hello with affection brings such warmth to our meetings. Feeling his kisses against mine, feeling him against me. I ache for him as it is, then when he is actually infront of me the ache deepens further. He is irresistible to me.

I feel incredibly self conscious yet again, my skin has flared up everywhere and I feel embarrassed by it. I don't know what he says or what he does but it vanishes quickly and I feel less concerned as we get closer.

With his guided tone he tells me we may not always have sessions filled with play, sometimes just being with one another, to talk, to relax, to communicate freely is equally important. This is very reassuring, we are only human after all, we all have off days.

A very short time passes and I lose my top and bottoms. He took his time with the bottoms, enjoying himself, they sat at my knees, a very slight movement from me and they dropped to the floor. He assumed I had done it on purpose, playfully I said I hadn't, I couldn't stop grinning which gave it all away. He turns me to face away from him, he only has to show slight guidance with his hands for me to follow through. My hands up and away, peaches pushed out towards him, he remains seated, just underwear to cover my intimate areas, he begins with the spanking and I can't help but smile.

When he stands, I feel his hands all over, teasing, caressing, damn he feels good. I can never help but to push against him, taunting him to play further. He resists very well. I am now to lean over, arms infront of me, he removes the clasps on my bra, off it comes, panties stay on, his fingers feel me through the fabric. He disappears for a moment, I know he's there, he returns, pulling my panties to one side with a cool feeling on his fingers. This always makes my body jolt, something surges through me head to toe, my natural reaction is to flinch. He finds this amusing, I'll get him back one day I'm sure.

He probes between my peaches, the feeling is fantastic. I feel him planting kisses on my body here and there, subtle touches to make me tingle even more. He leans in with his almost whispered words, I am a bad girl... I have 2 fingers between my peaches... All I can do is smile and push back alittle.

I always seem to lose my voice, when he works his magic, I am gone, somewhere I want to stay for eternity. It doesn't take much my mental state to get this way when I am with him, he doesn't need to touch my sensitive areas for me to feel this way either, it just happens.

Remaining in position, which I don't think was for long, I move a foot and realise from my knees down, they are numb. I tell him this, I know pins and needles followed by cramp isn't far behind. He has me sit and begins massaging my feet and lower legs, he stopped the cramp from occurring, such a gent. Very much like no other.

On regaining feeling, he asks me to kneel, I am not on the ground so I am almost level with him. The flogger comes out against my front, it doesn't hurt, he is fairly gentle, a couple of strikes grab my attention at times but I enjoy it nontheless, somewhat relaxed by it.

He stops and comes to pull my panties down, just under my thighs, continuing to rub and probe around. I am melting from the inside out. He applies a firm grip around my throat, my insides churn and I feel myself blurring the more he plays. Asking, more than demanding me to cum. Just the way he says it, gawd I wish I could, it's there, I'm ready but she will not release. It is infuriating beyond anything I've ever known. I've waited all week for this (years to be more specific), and it just sits there, hovering around in the background. It's so close. I feel desperate. I want to. I need to.

He doesn't give up easily, spends quite alot of time on me, this alone is bewildering, I have never received such attention to this extent. I am told to lean over, I do, he continues. His fingers are magical, I tense, I relax, I ache inside, I breathe heavier, I moan and groan. I am eager to release but to no avail, it doesn't happen. I am cursing myself, cursing her. I deliberately saved myself and this is how she repays me.

He slows his pace and stops briefly to tell me his is getting the big guns out... the wand... As per his request, I turn around, lose the panties then onto my back. Open to him, he wastes no time and sticks the wand to the most sensitive parts of me. The sheer intensity I feel, it is almost impossible for me to contain any form of control of my senses, my hands are automatically drawn in to attempt and adjust. Of course, I am not to touch, I clench my fists, he then places my hands on my stomach, holding them there for a moment. As my body alternates between tensing and relaxing, it takes time even though I felt it would be immediate, I finally have a release. My body arched, curved, the grip of my fists tightened. Such a bugger, he doesn't stop, I writhe, I squirm, I breathe, I twitch and shake but he keeps going, the unbearable bliss. One rolls into another, then another.

When he comes to a stop. I know he's there. I felt so high, I couldn't think, I couldn't move, I just was. My thought processes stopped, I knew I was alive, I was just being. He is leaning over me, monitoring me. He observes me a lot, a kick for him but also to look after me. My eyes meet his, they're beautiful, they say so much, I only wish I could read them and his thoughts. I remember touching his face, my hands on him. It brings comfort and let's me know he is real, that it isn't all just a vivid dream. I always want my hands on him, the contact brings me closer emotionally. I don't ever recall being that high, I felt drunk, grinning ear to ear, total mush. It was quite a while, we must have lost quite some time before I came about and became aware of my surroundings.

When I am somewhere back on planet earth, I am somewhat able to maintain conversation, although there must have been occasions where I made no sense because he said as much. We talk about anything and everything, so natural, so open. How we made the conversation get to the point it did, I tell him where I place the wand when I am alone, it doesn't even touch my sensitives, it sits just above and I can roll out a few releases as a result. He is interested and grabs the wand again to trial and sample. Starting where I would start, he then explores further finding my most intimate part which is covered by my natural being. My word, I nearly hit the roof. His words 'this one is mine', he damn well sure got it. Wow... back to the world of mush and no senses about myself. I hover there again for some time.

Reality finds its way back to me and our time is coming to a close once more. This is the part I wish didn't come, I wish it didn't have to end. On the other hand, absence makes the heart grow fonder. I was concerned that he hadn't had any physical intimacy of his own, he reminds and reassures me he does not need it and gets much satisfaction from seeing my satisfaction. I understand, I don't need a release either necessarily to have a good time. It doesn't mean I don't want to at least give him some physical indulgence in some way.

It took me a lifetime to get myself together, I just wanted to be with him, touching, holding. Part of me didn't want to although I knew I had to. I enjoyed teasing him alittle, making it known despite the releases, I still craved him massively. Instead of him "grrr'ing", I was very much "grrr'ing". Sir M wanted to concentrate on me releasing, he would like me to get relaxed to the point I will on command, to a point I can completely control them. His self restraint is admirable, honourable, above all, it shows he cares. I really cannot wait for the day I finally have no doors, no walls, no barriers. My subconscious plays a massive part in holding me back and although he doesn't see it as an issue, it still frustrates me. I hope he is right that it will come, just to give myself time. I've had over a decade of time, I genuinely expected myself to implode, then explode and not stop. I want to seize and soak up every moment with him I possibly can. I never want this to stop. I don't want anyone else, just him. To belong to one another, like no other, is all I want, it's all I need.

As always Sir M is right in his explanations and expectations. It is all very new, performance anxiety is a real thing and we don't need to be so hard on ourselves about it. Yes we are playing but we are also building on the 10 year foundation we have been lucky to have, these things take time. Small steps, we can take plenty of them.

I felt incredibly cheeky with my attitude, so wired being excited to see him again and he knows it. I'm sure I will pay for it later, I did apologise for this and my neediness, he says its not really something to apologise for.

Sir M, ever the gentleman. Unique, 'rare and impossible'...

[ieatmypizzawithaforkandknife]

MAG 022 - Colony

Summary: Martin Blackwood dictates his statement regarding “a close encounter with something I believe to have once been Jane Prentiss.”

So can we all agree that Martin is the most adorable person ever and needs to be protected at all costs? Because within the first minute of this episode he was firmly placed in the Smol Bean category of my brain, and there he shall forever be. I am quite certain I will end up crying about this man at some point.

I’m really glad I listened to this episode again after finishing the season, because even in the short time between this episode and the season finale, so much of my opinions on Jonathan himself and on the relationship between Jonathan and Martin have changed. I know, this episode was about Martin - but it was also the first time we actually got to see these two characters interact, as opposed to Jonathan just making offhand comments about Martin’s supposedly subpar work. (Poor Martin. Mean Jonathan.)

I love how Martin says, “I just want to make a statement about what happened to me. I mean...it’s what we do!” and Jonathan’s immediate reply is, “No, what we do is research statements - usually those made by liars and the mentally unwell.” His tone holds its usual amount of derision, but after listening to the last few episodes of S1, I can’t find it in myself to hold it against him anymore. (I never claimed to be good at reading people.) Towards the end of the episode, Jonathan tells Martin he can sleep in the Archive, basically doing what I think was the Jonathan version of reassuring him, by telling him how safe it is. His tone isn’t reassuring - it’s very factual, as he lists off all the different ways the Institute is a safe place and by telling Martin he’ll ask Elias about adding some extra security. But if Jonathan were just trying to get Martin to sleep there so he wouldn’t lose a research assistant, he probably could’ve just told Martin to stay there and Martin would’ve listened. He seems to care about Martin in a way that isn’t shown in his offhand remarks in previous episodes. And while there’s a slight admonishment when he says, “No, what we do is research statements”, it smacks more of a concerned admonishment than an angry one to me. Conclusion: Jonathan is, as always, terrible with people, but not because he doesn’t care.

I’m also wondering how much of the “No, what we do is research statements” line was Jonathan and how much was Elias. It reminded me of what Jonathan said when he was contemplating bringing up the Leitner situation to Elias in episode 17: “I know he’ll just give me the old “record and study, not interfere or contain” speech again”. In particular, the word “again” indicates it’s something they’ve butted heads on before. It’s interesting that in this episode Jonathan seems to take Elias’ position on the issue. It could be that he’s just trying to be responsible in a general sense and that he doesn’t want to be liable if anything happens to Martin. But, taken with what I said in the previous paragraph, it could also be read as “I’d like to discourage this man from further endangering himself in the future because I care about him and I cannot/do not know how to express this directly, so I will hide behind what my own boss has told me many times.”

On the subject of Martin himself - I don’t think I can properly express how much I already love this adorable, nervous man. There were just so many great lines from him in this episode, whether for characterization or for humor - and often it was both. The long beat of silence after “Well, I need to tell someone what happened, and you can vouch for the soundness of my mind, can’t you?” Also: “Look, I know you hate the word, but it was really…spooky.” And “I was heading home when I got to thinking, and…I was worried I hadn’t really done enough investigation for you”. And “I’ve catalogued and looked into enough of these cases to know that following the noise is always a really, really bad idea, but…I mean…it’s my job, isn’t it?” And finally, at the very end when Jonathan offers him a place to stay at the Archive, he’s so flustered, both at the offer and at the very idea that Jonathan believes him. He’s basically tripping over himself and cringing as he gives his own statement, so hung up on the idea that he won’t be believed or that this isn’t enough.

And who can blame him? If you really think about what happened to him...I can’t blame him for thinking he wouldn’t be believed or that no one would be concerned for his safety. From his perspective, he just spent thirteen days alone in his apartment with no electricity, no company, no way to communicate with the outside world - and, to his knowledge, not a single person checked up on him! Obviously that was a good thing, because if someone had come to his door, they would have been met with Jane Prentiss - but Martin went for almost two weeks without a single good night’s sleep, eating ready meals and canned food, being constantly startled by her knocking, and he had to have wondered, at least once, why no one even wondered where he was.

One key to Martin’s survival was that he had plenty of water: “Luckily there was no problem with my water supply, so I had plenty to drink. I’m just glad none of them thought to come up through the pipes.” I genuinely can’t tell if Jonny’s hanging a lampshade on the issue or if we’re supposed to wonder why the worms never came up through the pipes, but in any case I am wondering it. Another key to his survival is that, despite not having a peephole, Martin somehow knew when she’d gone - and he wasn’t entirely sure how he knew. He surmises that the musty smell surrounding her must have been gone, and he didn’t hear any knocking for a little while, but in the end he has to confirm her absence by simply opening his door - which, if he were wrong, would have led to certain death - or, as he says at one point, “worse”.

Another mystery to me is when Martin goes into the basement of the building on Boothby Rd the first time and this happens: “I didn’t like the way my shadow moved. The light from the window behind me cast it pretty clearly on the floor, and looking at it I swear the edges seemed to move…it’s was like a, like an undulation…like, like they were being shifted by something.” He doesn’t follow this up with “and then I noticed my ‘shadow’ was actually worms on the floor”, so this doesn’t seem like a Jane Prentiss thing to me, or a Carlos Vittery’s spider thing either. And if it isn’t associated with either of the two known Boothby Rd-related entities, then it was something else entirely, which has me worried. But that’s the only mention of anything like a shadow being “shifted” in this episode, so for now I’m hoping I’m just reading too much into things.

There were so many excellent visual descriptions in this episode, so kudos to Jonny as always, and in this case kudos also to Alex for the performance. Martin describes the Jane Prentiss worms as “maybe an inch long, with a silver segmented body that goes black at one end, almost like it’s been burned.” This could just be a general creepy description, but I would be remiss if I didn’t point out the “burning” imagery here, given all the times fire and burning have come up before, even though I’m not sure what specifically it might be connected to from previous episodes. More concrete, though, is the difference between Jane Prentiss’ clothing when Martin encounters her and what she was wearing in her first appearance in episode 6. Harriett Lee, her victim in that episode, told Timothy Hodge, the man who gave the statement, that she found Prentiss wearing a long red dress. By contrast, Martin finds her in the basement wearing “a threadbare grey overcoat, though beneath it her legs were bare” (so, she’s no longer wearing the long red dress) and holding “a stained green handkerchief.” The events of episode 6 occurred in late November 2014 - almost a year and a half before Martin’s encounter with her. So why was she still in that area after all that time? We know she isn’t physically unable to leave - she follows Martin all the way to his home in Stockwell. And where did she get the overcoat and the handkerchief? I’m assuming it came from another victim, though she could have stolen them I guess. As far as we know they never did follow up with Timothy Hodge, despite Jonathan noting in that episode that they probably should. Jonathan also hasn’t mentioned looking into missing persons reports from the area either, even though that seems to me like an obvious thing to investigate.

Speaking of investigating...my ears perked up when the owner of the building told Martin that Carlos’ cat now lives with the Sanderson couple in apartment 2. I immediately flashed back to episode 15 and Laura Popham’s missing (presumably dead) sister, Elena Sanderson. (I remembered the name because of the Sanderson sisters, of course. #90schild) I don’t think it’s an actual connection, though, for two reasons: First, it doesn’t fit the timeline. Elena went missing in June 2014, and this Sanderson couple apparently still lives in this building in early 2016. It could be a relative, or maybe she magically reappeared, but I don’t see any specific reason to think either of those things. Second, there are something like 20,000 people with that surname living in England (yay genealogy websites). If it were a less common name, I’d be more suspicious, but as it stands now I’m keeping it in mind but leaning towards it being a coincidence.

Some final thoughts on Jane Prentiss. She apparently “called herself to be a practicing witch and believed [herself] to be infected by a dangerous, unknown parasite.” This is the first time the word “witch” is mentioned in the show (unless you’re counting Julia Montauk going to see The Witches in episode 9 lol), but not the first time we have seen something, or someone, witch-like. There are almost too many examples of things that could be considered “magic” to list, but the ones that stand out to me the most as potentially witch-like are: Mary Key being alive and the bones falling out of the books in episode 4; Agnes Montague/Fielding/whatever her name is and her apparent agelessness in episode 8; Robert Montauk’s heart ritual in the shed in episode 11; the unnamed man’s chanting in the hospital in episode 12; and Angela in episode 14. I’m not sure how any of these might be connected, but now that the word’s been mentioned I’m considering it a possibility.

And lastly...“Keep him. We have had our fun. He will want to see it when the archivist’s crimson fate arrives.” Jonathan’s voice when he read that last part, man. Martin asks what it means, and he sounds genuine, but Jonathan...I think Jonathan was thinking the same thing I am: that “the archivist’s crimson fate” sounds an awful lot like the description of Gertrude Robinson’s death as foretold in the dream from episode 11, particularly in the description of the Institute: “It was this building into which all the veins flowed: every door, every window was solid with them. When the bursts of red light passed into it, the whole building glowed crimson.”

This post is part of a series where I write my thoughts about each episode and obsessively connect dots in an effort to figure out The Big Mysteries of the series. All posts in this series are tagged “is this liveblogging?” Comments and messages are welcome but I have only listened to season 1, so I ask that you not spoil me for anything beyond episode 40. In the words of Jonny Sims…thanks for listening!

Minor spoilers for a later episode in S1 after the cut.

Just have to take a moment to freak out about the fact that I completely forgot about Martin’s description of Jane Prentiss’ skin as “full of holes - deep, black holes just honeycombing every bit of flesh like a…wasps’ nest.” HOW DID I NOT NOTICE THAT HE USED THE EXACT SAME WORDS SHE DID IN HER STATEMENT. Like, I don’t know if it’s significant, or if the description just fit so well that Jonny wanted to reuse it, but...damn.

[daisycandothings]

A twilight movie review, yes I know I am a decade late.

Hello, this is a review of the twilight movies. 

Okay now that nobody is reading this anymore, I have a note on how this will be formatted. Basically, I will have five sections where I go through and review each movie, and then I will have another section at the end where I look at the series as a whole.

I would also like to say that these are not good movies. Everyone here knows that. There is a lot of negative criticism out there and chances are, I agree with basically all of it. However, I do not want to say the same shit that everybody already says, that would be boring. People do not watch these movies because they are masterpieces of cinema, we watch them because it is fun to sit down with your family/friends and laugh when Jacob says “I am hotter than you” with a straight face. What I’m trying to say is I will not be analysing these academically so much as talking about what I enjoyed/didn’t enjoy about the surface level experience of watching them. Comparing these films to actually good masterful movies is like comparing kids playing floor hockey in gym class to olympic figure skaters. Like they just do not belong on the same scale

I really do want to take a look at these films on their own without the influence of the books messing with my opinion of them. 

Also, there will be spelling AND grammatical errors, I promise. 

Twilight the First One:

Good things:

This might be my favorite on its own. I just think the plot is probably the most exciting and it has the best split of drama, vampire bullshit, and fighting. I like the vampire family, I think they’re funny, and I actually genuinely think the baseball scene is a clever concept that is executed well. That scene, Anna Kendrick, and the dad are the high points of this movie, but Anna Kendrick and the dad are basically the high points of every movie they’re in, so I think I’ll speak on them later. 

Also I really like the soundtrack of this movie. To be fair I only remember two songs (what do you think, I was taking notes? I’m not a nerd) but those two songs were cool. The pieces in question were the electric guitar thing during the baseball scene and the lovely piano song™ . God do I fucking love that piano piece, I think there will definitely be a paragraph dedicated to that one song, you’re welcome. 

I like the hinting at the werewolf stuff in this movie.

Neutral:

The color saturation/tone (I don’t know movie words) were different in this movie. It’s like bluer. I don’t really know how I feel about it, its just kind of jarring to have this really blue movie and then move on to the next on and it’s normal idk.

Bad:

My biggest criticism is with the main characters. Like Bella and Edward have no chemistry, dude, I cannot name a thing that they bond over. Really their relationship only works because they are both hot, and the movie is relying on that in order to get the viewer to feel compelled by it, and I mean I guess it worked? I mean, I spent way more time wondering what Robert Pattinson’s hair product budget was than considering the fact that neither character had a substantial personality. 

I also have this weird issue with the pacing, maybe I’m an idiot and this is wrong, but it really seemed like Bella transferred at the beginning of the year. Then she meets everyone and like 30 minutes later we’re talking about prom? A spring event? And then the rest seems to take place over the span of like 2 weeks. Its just hard to tell how much time is passing at some points and I’m not a huge fan of that. 

“I like watching you sleep”

The effects are not good, but I don’t give that much of a shit, I just wish they’d been more obnoxious with the glitter. I’m not entirely sure I would have noticed if I lived in that world

I think that’s all I have to say here

Twilight New Moon

Good: 

Jacob is the best main character in this movie. He has personality traits, and his wolf transformation plot would be good if he weren’t such an asshole about it all the time. To be fair though, I have never been through such a transformation, so I can’t really judge. That said, I do like the scene where he freaks out at Mikey (that one blonde kid who decides to be a part of the series every once in a while).

Also there is some genuinely funny shit in here? Like, even moments that the movie actually intended to be funny. That guy, Harry, who hangs out with Charlie? He has some really great moments. Also the theater scene where Bella is sitting between Jake and Mike, and they both have their hand out hoping that Bella will hold it? That is just really funny. There’s obv more, but these are some highlights

Yes Jacob, please take off your shirt in order to dab the blood off Bella’s face. That seems like the best course of action to me. God the weird shit he does is really funny.

Bad:

Charlie’s friends keep dying, and his daughter is shitty and that makes me sad

The characters continue to have very little...well… character, not to mention actual development. I shouldn’t have to explain why that is a huge issue, especially for a movie that is primarily character driven. 

THIS MOVIE IS SO LONG. there were moments when I would just take a sec and be like. What is happening? What is this movie? What story is even being told here? God when is this going to be oveeeerrrrrrrrrr?

I’ve said a lot less here, but this is undoubtedly worse than the last one. 

Twilight Eclipse

Good:

The plot is built up a lot better in this one compared to the last two. In the last two, the main conflict wouldn’t even be fully introduced until like half an hour before the end of the movie. There was just a bunch of time that went by very slowly where basically nothing happened, and then all of a sudden there has to be a climax so the actual rising action takes place over a ten minute period, That's just weak writing, and this movie does not have that problem. 

I like the depth that we are given to the other members of the vampire family members. That said, Jasper was a confederate soldier, and you can not convince me that he isn’t racist.  

I think the scene where Edward and Jacob see eye to eye for a bit is pretty good if you disregard the fact that they really talk about Bella like an object. Like they spend so much time in this series just being NEEDLESSLY rude and mean; like you guys couldn’t even pretend not to hate each other for half a second? For real? Anyway, this scene kind of has them getting along and having a constructive conversation and I liked that. 

“Let’s face it. I am hotter than you” 

Neutral:

The plot is definitely more exciting in this one, but Victoria’s plan seems needlessly complex.

Are there other werewolves, or are the ones in forks just all of them? Like there seems to be this giant vampire government that spans the whole world, but the werewolves just have like ten kids in forks?

Bad:

I get that you all are natural enemies, and you are in love with the same girl, but god you guys don’t have to be such assholes to each other. 

Viewers are CONSTANTLY reminded that Edward just wants to protect Bella and that Jacob might be a better fit because she wouldn’t have to change. Like really hon? You’ve said this shit twelve times, but please go ahead and tell me again.

I know I was laughing about it before, but Jacob, can you please put a shirt on, it’s snowing.

The ring that Edward gives Bella is terrible, I would not wear it. 

Why did the cullens just let the volturi kill that girl? They shouldn’t have. 

*Sigh* and now we are at the really bad thing that I really didn’t like. TW for sexual assault. There is a scene where Jacob basically tells Bella that he kNoWS she likes him. She actively says that she DOES NOT, and then Jacob kisses her. THAT WASN’T CONSENSUAL. THAT WAS SEXUAL ASSAULT, BUDDY. Some people might say that she did actually want it, but if you look at her face during that kiss, she really doesn’t seem okay with it; in addition, she punches him after. BUT WHETHER OR NOT SHE WANTED IT DOESN’T MATTER!!!! SHE SAID NO!!!!

Then this yucky shit happens again, when Jacob finds out Edward and Bella are engaged, and Bella feels the need to kiss Jacob so he doesn’t do anything stupid. That is bad for obvious reasons. It is very frustrating because if it weren’t for these events, I would totally be team Jacob. 

Also I get you guys both love her, but I challenge you to tell me exactly what you love about her. 

Twilight Breaking Dawn Part One

Good:

This movie is fucking hilarious and amazing. I have watched all of the movies up until this point, and maybe it’s just the fact that this is my first time watching it, but this might overtake the first one. It’s great, I love it. 

As I mentioned, this movie is very funny, there are a lot of really good moments, Charlie and Anna Kendrick’s wedding speeches are amazing and I love them. There are a bunch of other ones that I cannot remember at the moment, but I promise it is great. 

 I also loved when Rosili (I’m sure I spelled that wrong) had to cut Bella open, and then she really wants to eat her blood. Very fun and also amazing for raising tension. 

I like that this movie is not pretending to be an action film. All of the other ones are mostly drama with a pretty shitty action plotline grafted over it. That does not happen here. It is literally just a romance movie that uses vampirism and werewolfery as an added layer of drama. The other movies do this, but they also have those bad action plotlines, so it feels like they are lying to me about being monster fighting movies when they are really just romance dramas. This movie KNOWS that it is just a romance drama and it owns it and I think that is cool.

I really liked the thing where we got those close up shots of bella’s blood vessels becoming vampire-y and stuff, I thought it was fun. Also when bella is having that dream about her wedding and everything is white and red and they end up on a pile of bodies? I cannot explain why, but I thought that looked really cool and it was kind of chilling which was the desired effect.

Seth and Leah, need I say more?

Lovely piano song ™ is BACK!!!

Neutral:

*sigh* Jacob. I have a strange relationship with Jacob. He constantly goes from being very cool to being very terrible. I will talk about this more later, but in this movie it was especially prevalent. He would say unnecessary, mean shit about the Cullens, and I would be like “god when did you become such an asshole?” and then he would leave because he didn't want to watch Bella destroy herself and I would be like “when did you get coOL?” and then he would tell Edward how much he wanted to kill him and I would be like “jesus, when did you become such an asshole?” and then he would distract the wolves so the Cullens could hunt and then I would be like “Yo dude, when did you get coooool again?” and then I would remember that he kissed Bella without consent and just……

There was a similar thing with Sam because at the beginning he was like, “the Cullens are fine,stop being such a little bitch about it, Jacob.” And then later on, he’s like “nvm we gonna kill this baby”

I know these are actually just character inconsistencies, but I’m not putting them in the bad section, no I will not be taking criticism.

Bad:

I wish they had told us more about stuff. Like they didn’t really explain why Jacob was so obnoxiously against them fucking. And Bella says it’s impossible for Edward to get her pregnant but umm how? Why? If that is the case, please explain to me why he is able to get her pregnant. Like this was the entire plot of the movie, and there was very little actual explanation which is annoying. I would like to understand the crux of your story, thanks. 

There was that thing where that woman from Argentina like, knew that Bella was carrying a demon baby. I feel like that is kind of painting woc as being mystical, and hey, that’s not great.

Jacob imprinting on a literal baby yes I know it is more complex than that, but still, come on stephanie. 

“EJ for Edward Jacob if it’s a boy” EWWWWWWWNODONOTNAMEYOURCHILDTHAT!

“Reneesme if it’s a girl” that’s good by comparison, but you set a super fucking low bar, my guy 

The wolf talking was uhh, pretty terrible. No thank you, sir. 

GIVE ME MORE CHARLIE!!!! WHERE IS OUR KING???!!! WHY ISN’T HE ON MY SCREEN?!!!

Twilight Breaking Dawn Part Two

Good: 

this movie is also a lot of fun. I liked meeting all the vampires from across the world, and I did like the plot more or less. I thought that it was exciting enough, and I have no issue with them splitting it into two movies, I actually liked it. There were two distinct plots with distinct tones, so I thought they were justified in the split.

I liked the opening montage. I thought their use of white and red (just as they did in part one) was very cool and chilling. In addition, the shot where Bella opens her eyes and adjusts to seeing in a vampire-y way is really cool. Like it makes me get why people like this franchise, like it’s cool!

Jacob is fucking awesome in this movie; basically because he isn’t attracted to Bella anymore, and so he is no longer attracted to Bella, so he isn’t constantly whiny and mean. I liked that he made up with Sam, and I do think the movie did a good job making the imprinting thing not weird. Jacob is just cool here. I REALLY liked that everyone was like “we gotta pretend Bella is dead” and he was like “no fuck that, charlie knows I’m a werewolf, and he’s on his way over to see her.” He is just constantly doing the right thing, and I love it. 

Lovely piano song™  

The fight scene at the end was fun to watch. It was by no means a masterful spectacle of choreography, but I liked it anyway. 

RAMI MALEK IS THE AVATAR?!!! I FUCKING LOVE IT!

Bad:

There were some moments where things were not explained all the way like there was this part where Jacob comments that more wolves are turning than before, and I was kinda like “wait what why” and then it is just not mentioned again. And I feel like there were a couple other moments like this that just felt like they were trying to say something from the book and then just didn’t have time to expand on it. Maybe I just missed something.

What made Alice think that only Bella would be smart enough to go to the book that the page is from? That was my first thought when she left that note.

The movie made it seem like the volturi really just wanted a reason to fight with them, and only Aro seeing himself get killed was able to deter him. But um… why? Why do the volturi give a shit about fighting the Cullens? Also I was a little annoyed with the final battle like for real dude? The ‘it was all in his head’ trope? Fuck that, if you are going to kill a bunch of good characters, at least commit to it yaknow?

I’m also not a fan of what they did with Alice. She just became a device to solve all of the problems. Like she leaves for the whole movie, comes back and fixes everything? That’s not good writing, mate. 

I wish that they told Charlie things. Like I wish he was in the loop. Speaking of.... GIVE ME MORE CHARLIE AND ANNA KENDRICK. SHE WAS NOT IN THIS MOVIE AT ALL!! FUCK THAT, HER CHARACTER IS GREAT. AND WHILE WE’RE ON THE SUBJECT, MORE LEAH AND SETH, TOO!!

As a series

Yes, watching these movies is so much fun despite all the dumb shit. In fact, it might even be because of the dumb shit. I would just like to make it very clear that I legitimately loved watching them, and I really liked writing about them as well. I say this because there have been (and there will be more) harsh criticisms.

This part will mostly be me venting.

Edward and Bella are both very bland, and Jacob is for sure, the most interesting of the main cast. 

Okay I don’t wanna spend too much time on this one, but Edward is 109 and Bella is like 17 when they meet. I don’t have to explain why that is kinda messed up. 

I really really wish that there had been more Carlysl (another spelling mistake I am sure), Emmet, and Alice. I liked them both a lot, and we don’t really get to learn about their backstories. There is also supposed to be this friendship between Bella and Alice, but I wish that had been fleshed out a lot more. I would have liked to see more bro time between them. 

I also wish there was more Seth and Leah. And let's throw in Charlie and Anna Kendrick for that matter. 

Not a fan of the way that threat of sexual violence is used with Bella in the first two, TW for minor discussion of that here. In the first one Bella runs into some guys who harass her, and Edward saves her. The thing is, he only knew it was happening because he was following her, and I’m not a fan of the narrative that perpetuates. In the next one, she actively seeks out a dangerous situation with a man, so that Edward might come save her, no thanks.

Green screens are used, and they are not always very good.

There are moments throughout the series where you are like “oh yeah, that is definitely a direct quote from the books” like when Jacob says “stop looking at me like that” “like what” “like I’m your favorite person in the world” like okay bro turn down the emo.

 Okay and now the most important thing, the lovely piano song ™. This is going to be the longest paragraph about it because this is possibly the most missed opportunity in the entire franchise (yes this is the type of person that I am). If you aren’t sure, the song in question is the one from the Ed/Bella relationship montage in the first movie, where Edward actually plays it on the piano. As I’m sure I’ve said, this piece of music is FUCKING AMAZING. Like it makes me actually quite emotional, and its association with the movies makes me feel more strongly about them. That is where the missed opportunity comes in because IT IS NOT IN NEW MOON OR ECLIPSE. Perhaps I just missed it, but I was making an active attempt to find it. It would have been ridiculously cool if they had used this song as Bella and Edward’s love theme. It would have been super cool if they had gradually added instruments throughout the series, making the piece grow and change, just like their love. It would have been so cool if they had added a counter-melody when Reneesme was born to symbolize the addition to their family. It would have been so cool if the closing shot was Bella and Edward in the field, and the original piano solo plays to remind us of the foundation of their love (and the series); cut to black and then the song plays through the credits for the main cast. God that would have been so cool, I get emotional just thinking about it. Instead, it is just a song they play sometimes when they want us to feel something. It works like that, but it isn’t as cool as it really could have been, which makes me sad. 

Alright that’s it everyone, holy shit that was a lot. I am going to give you two ratings. On a scale of 1-10, how good is the series? not better than a three. But MUCH MORE IMPORTANTLY, on a scale of 1-10, how enjoyable are they to watch? At least a seven. 

If you read all of this you are great, thank you for dealing with me for this long, I did spend hours on this. 

[krolock-in-the-snowlock]

I watched Broadway’s Dance of the Vampires so you don’t have to

Ever wondered how bad the broadway version actually is? Now’s your chance to find out, my friend...

So about a month ago, I came across a bootleg of the broadway show and, because it was late and I am a Certified Idiot, I decided to watch it and write down my thoughts. Having heard how bad it was, I knew to expect a train wreck, but I had no idea just how much of a train wreck it was going to be until I pressed play and witnessed something that truly cannot be described in words.

I was originally just going to post my whole list of thoughts but it ended up being over 5000 words (many of which were me screaming NO and wHYYY) so I’ve put it in a separate post, so click that link if you want to read it in its entirety!

Instead, I’ve decided to do a (slightly) shorter summary of ‘highlights’, if they can really be called that, with a kind of silly score for each ‘category’. A review, if you will. I’m sure I’ll have missed some things, but this should hopefully at least give you an idea of what exactly they did to poor Tanz der Vampire. Still, I apologise for the length of this in advance - I just had a lot of thoughts, okay?

A quick disclaimer: While I have seen clips of producations of Tanz from various countries, I’ve only seen the whole production once - the Berlin bootleg from somewhere around 2009-11 - so I’ll mostly be comparing with that!

I know the broadway musical is a big taboo subject, so I’m not expecting many, if any, to actually read any of this. But if you ever wondered how bad it was and didn’t want to have to actually watch it, this post is for you!

So, without further ado…

The Characters: -7/10

Let me begin by saying that many of the characters bear almost no resemblance to the originals. The worst case, of course, is with Giovanni von Krolock. A cringeworthy caricature, his awful faux-Italian accent, terrible jokes and horrifying bat form make him the polar opposite of what Krolock is supposed to be. In my notes, I actually referred to him as Giovanni rather than Krolock, because this is not Krolock; where Krolock is mysterious, aloof, powerful, and occasionally slightly sarcastic, Giovanni is silly, makes puns in nearly every line, and commands no respect or fear whatsoever. I resent that I began to ironically enjoy mocking him by the time I’d finished watching it.

Alfred is absurdly confident and confrontational, and narrates everything he writes in his journal (and tbh is probably a closeted bi). Sarah now apparently has friends and is allowed to leave her room. Koukol doesn’t exist, and is replaced by a man that Krolock hypnotises, who sometimes acts like a dog. Herbert is French, ridiculously stereotypical, and there is a very poor attempt from Krolock at pronouncing his name in a French accent. The other characters are fortunately mostly the same as the originals, although not entirely.

The Music: 2.5/10

Oh, the music… how do I begin?

Long story short, it was generally horrible. Multiple songs were cut entirely, and others were mashed together into strange frankensongs. The opening song, for instance, is completely different (and was what immediately made me realise I’d made a terrible mistake in deciding to watch it). The lyrics were mostly not as interesting as the original German lyrics, and often had less syllables, so the songs often felt empty and drawn out.

Many of the songs had slightly different overall meanings/purposes to their German counterparts, and I though that songs like Total Eclipse and Invitation to the Ball were way too sappy and romantic, lacking any of the drama and tension of Totale Finsternis and Einladung zum Ball. Krolock had been so ridiculous the whole time that Die Unstillbare Gier sadly could never have worked, even if the lyrics had been better. The singing itself was actually pretty good from what I remember, which was the only thing that saved the music, but Krolock’s horrible accent ruined many of the songs he was in. There was so much potential for it to be good if they’d just done a faithful adaption…...

I could go on forever about the music (as I do in my full commentary) but that would probably need a whole new post! So instead let’s move on to…

The Costumes: 2/10

Boring. Sarah’s red ball gown is nice enough, but all of the other vampires’ costumes are painfully simple and poorly designed. Krolock lacks a cape for most of the musical (which is a crime), Herbert is dressed in a hideous bright blue coat and an aggressively yellow wig, and the finale costumes are just simple black leather coats. It all lacks any of the detail or, in Herbert’s case, sparkle, of any of the other versions of the costumes that I’ve seen. While I should probably note that this was in 2002, it is still noticeably simpler than other productions of Tanz around the same time. Krolock also lacks his usual makeup, and Herbert’s is just ugly. And Krolock’s top hat in the opening? Why???

The Staging: -5/10

When they aren’t dancing, most of the ‘staging’ is just the characters at opposite sides of the stage facing each other. It doesn’t matter what is supposed to be happening in the scene, or the message of the song; they just... stand there. Occasionally, if you’re lucky, the characters might stand next to each other, but such close proximity is a rare occurrence in Dance of the Vampires, saved mostly for Alfred or Krolock with Sarah or Herbert and, in a strange duet about books, Krolock and Professor Ambronsius.

Krolock does pretty much nothing in Die Unstillbare Gier, and the staging for Einladung zum Ball was very confusing, at least when they weren’t just standing still. Sarah’s bedroom inexplicably becomes a cloudy place with no floor, and it was never quite clear whether the scene was a dream or not. Considering the rest of the musical, either possibility is honestly equally likely. At one point at the start of the first act, Krolock literally rises out of the ground in a huge coffin. I could go on. Also the sponge Krolock gives Sarah is a fraction of the size of the one he gives her in the original, which I like to think is a metaphor for the broadway production itself.

The Sets: 3/10

While not accurate to any other versions at the time or since, a couple of the sets were admittedly quite pretty (though still not quite on Kentaur’s level). However, there was no inn structure for the first act, and some of the sets were quite limited. One of the most popular (and nicest) sets in the second act is a huge stairway covered in a frankly impractical number of candles.

In the finale, despite the characters on multiple occasions declaring that the story takes place in Transylvania in “18something”, the background is for some reason Times Square with all of its neon signs (which I’m pretty sure did most certainly not exist in the 1800s). Whether a huge location change and time skip of a couple hundred years has taken place or whether the directors and set designers finally gave up trying to make the story make sense, I have no idea.

Worst Moments:

I just had to include this section! These are only a few of the worst and/or most bizarre moments I could pick out. I’m sure there’s more that I forgot but here are some (read: quite a few) of my favourites:

Krolock, wearing a top hat, rising from the ground in a giant coffin before saying, “God has left the building”

Krolock appearing as a hideous animated bat thing

Sarah and her friends getting high on mushrooms in the opening

The fact that Sarah’s birthday is on Halloween at midnight during the total eclipse of the moon

Krolock offering Alfred a sponge shaped like a penis then slowly tilting it down when Alfred says no

Ambronsius decorating Sarah’s room in Halloween decorations to scare off Krolock

Krolock genuinely being convinced that Sarah is a literal princess until he visits her room

Krolock and Ambronsius harmonising about books together

The big grey winged gargoyle demons dancing on the bed during Carpe Noctem

Krolock repeatedly dressing in a big grey dress and pretending to be his own mother/wife/who even knows what

Alfred angrily threatening Krolock, followed by Krolock physically attacking Alfred (this happens on more than one occasion)

The nonsense ‘prophecy’ they randomly introduce

“I use my body as a bandage, I use my body as a wound” (and this is instead of “Ich will frei und freier werden, und werde meine Ketten nicht los”) WHAT DOES IT MEAN

Koukol-replacement saying, “Okay, here he is, the man you’ve all been waiting for, his excellency… the Count von Krolock!) and Krolock waving and pointing like a rockstar as he kisses people walking down the stairs to the ball

Krolock dramatically dying on the stairs at the end of the ball for a solid minute

The Good Parts

Surprisingly, there were a few redeeming features!

Firstly, the couple of songs where they kept things very similar to the source material (such as Knoblauch) were actually quite good at times. Unfortunately, this isn’t to say that they were necessarily good, but compared to the less faithful parts they were a nice surprise, even if Knoblauch was never my favourite song from Tanz.

The singing itself was generally pretty good too! I also hate to admit that I did at times find myself laughing a little at the awful jokes.

And... uhh...

...yeah, that’s about it...

Some Highlights From My Notes:

And finally, here are some out of context quotes from my notes that I feel sum up the musical quite well:

It sounds like he’s about to start a really sad rave

I was gonna roast the lyrics some more but I’m gonna be honest I’m not sure what he’s saying

This feels on the same level of what kind of acid trip hallucination parallel universe have I landed in as seeing the Cats film in the cinema

Is this actually Deadpool in disguise with all the fourth wall breaking

Crawford looks like he regrets everything and can I just say Michael so does everybody else

He looks like a potato or a rock or that neutral nicolas cage face that people put on the sequin cushion

This sounds like a poorly written Krolock/reader wattpad fanfic

Giovanni would highkey be like lol arent i so random rawr xd on myspace

He might as well have said, “Itsa me, Mario”

They’re just stood there like two pigeons aimlessly squawking at each other

Alfred is like a chihuahua with small dog syndrome barking at a bigger dog, except Giovanni is barely bigger and is a flea-infested Chinese Crested dressed in a cheap Halloween costume

The throne glides like a magic carpet only it doesn’t leave the ground so I suppose it’s actually more like a chair with wheels, which is much less exciting

He just stands there like a poorly-dressed rock

-22/10 would not listen again

Final Comments:

So, if you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading and I hope that was somewhat informative and/or entertaining for you! It took me weeks to get through the whole musical because I couldn’t stand watching it for too long at a time, and maybe you can see why! Like I said at the start of this monster of a post, there’s probably a lot that I’ve forgotten to mention, so if you’re unfortunate enough to have seen any of this car crash of a musical, feel free to add your thoughts! :D

[juliabohemian]

Shameless Self Promotion

I am getting ready to wrap up a novel length WIP that I started writing in 2017 and started posting in August of 2018. I have an entire second story plotted out that is supposed to follow this one. Which will probably be from Jane’s POV.

This is something I have poured a lot of time and effort into. But admittedly, I am not great at promoting myself. And I am terrible at explaining what the story is about. The description on AO3 doesn’t really explain much.

Instead I am going to post a very short passage from each chapter in the hope of attracting some new readers.

TITLE: In Loco Parentis TIMELINE: Post-Ragnarok. AU after that point. Some similarities to Infinity War, but with different outcomes. Loki survives instead of Thor. CHARACTERS: Loki, Erik Selvig, Steve Rogers, Jane Foster with mentions of Thor, Odin, Frigga, Heimdall, Bruce Banner/Hulk and Stephen Strange. LENGTH: Current length is 105,160 word. 24/26 chapters have been posted. GENRE: Hurt/Comfort, Drama, Intermittent humor, Lots of feels, explorations of father/son dynamic. Second person narrative; Loki’s POV. WARNING: References to violence, torture, terminal illness, and character death.

CHAPTER 1:

Earth keeps careful track of its inhabitants these days. They pay closer attention to some than others, of course. The United States government knows precisely where you are right now, or so they claim. It's distinctly possible that they even know exactly what you're doing. Not that you have anything to hide for once. But you will never get used to to the fact that very little of your life is genuinely private.

CHAPTER 2: 

It's evident that the other man is annoyed with you. His words suggest as much. Yet the remark is delivered with unusual tenderness. Unfortunately, your tolerance for pity is somewhat limited. And even if you were in pain, which you are most definitely not, it would be none of his concern.

CHAPTER 3:

You might be stranded on Earth, your home and your family gone forever. But somehow, for some reason, despite all statistical improbability, you're still alive. You're still moving, still breathing. Surely there must be a reason. Because everything has a reason.

CHAPTER 4:

You hate the fact that, for now at least, you appear to be dependent on someone else's kindness. It's not a position you're altogether comfortable with. Because kindness is a limited resource. You know it's only a matter of time before he tires of you. You don't understand why he's bothering to pretend otherwise. You don't know what motivation he could possibly have to tolerate you one second longer than necessary.

CHAPTER 5:

You were convinced that, at any minute, someone would kick down your door and carry you away in chains. Surely after being reminded of the extent of your abilities, Erik would no longer want you in his home. But when you were quiet again, all you heard was Erik knocking. You could not answer. You knew of no words that could hope to mend what you had done.

CHAPTER 6:

While your host imposed no time limit on the arrangement, you never planned to stay long. But days turned into weeks, and months became years. And you kept running out of reasons to leave. Your attempts to test Erik's resolve were so gently diffused, that you ultimately gave up trying to alienate him.

CHAPTER 7:

Your denial served no purpose. Unlike so many lies you had told during your lifetime, this one was innocuous enough. You had learned fairly quickly that there was no point in contesting Erik's delusions. You knew not his reasons. But you had accepted that some part of him needed to believe that you were his son.

CHAPTER 8:

You hate just how relieved you are to have someone to talk to, even if that person is Steve Rogers. And you hate that your instinct is to alienate him. You just can't help yourself.

CHAPTER 9:

Your stomach churns with a fierce assortment of unwelcome emotions. You cannot help wondering whether this is just some random event, or if Erik is making some sort of attempt to say goodbye.

CHAPTER 10:

You stare at the message on the screen for nearly a minute, reading the words over and over again. You try to find a way to be insulted by Steve's offer. But you cannot think of one. And yet, you are still annoyed. Because it is so like Steve to give you the benefit of the doubt by suggesting that you might have dialed in error.

CHAPTER 11:

You have never openly declared Erik to be your father before. You have only ever conceded when others have done so. Not only is it a lie, it feels like something you have no right to say.

CHAPTER 12:

You want her to leave. Yet, for some reason, she seems to believe that you genuinely require her assistance. You think perhaps you need only convince her that you are not completely helpless. And thus, her intervention is not required. Then, surely she will be on her way.

CHAPTER 13:

You frown immediately at your use of the phrase big deal, which you cannot remember ever using before now. You know not the origin of the phrase. It's something that Erik would say. In your mind, you can picture his face...that reassuring smile he would give you whenever you were convinced that you somehow managed to ruin absolutely everything, yet again. Hey...it's not a big deal. 

CHAPTER 14:

You chuckle, nervously. You are practically pinned up against the counter, now. You could effortlessly shove her to the floor and leave the room. As annoying as she is, you have no desire to do her harm. After all, it's not her fault that you're a complete lunatic.

CHAPTER 15:

Throughout your life you have been many things. But you have never been slovenly or lazy, and certainly never uncleanly. And yet, you are confident that you would have been content to starve and wallow in your own filth, had Jane not come along and intervened.

CHAPTER 16:

You know that you should probably take a few minutes to compose yourself before confronting Jane. But, naturally, you don't. As annoyed as you are, there's a small part of you that is pleased to have reason to be angry. The fury that you were longing for earlier is finally here. Now you need only embrace it and see where it takes you.

CHAPTER 17:

Deep down, you know that you don't actually want to escape. And not just because you have nowhere in particular to go. You have a life here, albeit a limited one. You have a place that you think of as home, a place that you want to return to. Perhaps not every bridge you cross needs to be left burning in your wake.

CHAPTER 18:

What Jane doesn't know is that, somewhere deep in your most private thoughts, you envisioned yourself making Erik better. You fantasized about it, even. For by healing him, you would be offering him something that might actually be worthy of praise.  

CHAPTER 19:

The conversation is becoming far more serious than you would like. You are now relieved that you are intoxicated. He appears to be seeking some sort of validation. Though you seriously doubt he wants or needs yours.

CHAPTER 20:

The irony of your situation is not lost on you. As you are currently playing nursemaid to an ailing Midgardian...a member of a species you were raised to view as grossly inferior. And you don't regret it. Not at all. But you wonder what Thor might think, if he could see you now. Whether he would this consider your actions to be admirable, or he would regard you as a fool.

CHAPTER 21:

The unmistakable hint of fear in Erik's eyes would likely go undetected by the casual observer. It is almost as though some part of him is genuinely worried about your reaction. You recall, all too clearly, that night you found him collapsed on the floor beside his bed, his tears of shame, how he couldn't even look at you. Whatever this is, however inconvenient, it is definitely outside of his control. Thus, do your best to conceal your frustration.

CHAPTER 22:

Various scenes unfold before you. Through the kitchen window, Erik watches you working in the garage. He admires your focus, your meticulous attention to detail. Erik looks in on you, after hearing you cry out in your sleep. Erik returns home, after a long day working at the university, and the two of you share a meal together. Such events would be considered, by most, entirely benign. Yet, you find it unbearable to look upon yourself this way, painful even.

CHAPTER 23:

You are exhausted and can no longer continue. The soil beneath your feet is soft and moist. When you drop to the ground, you rest on your knees and your hands end up planted deeply in the wet earth.

CHAPTER 24:

You wake periodically, throughout the day. Random people enter your room, constantly. Thankfully, they never stay for long. Whenever you open your eyes, you find yourself checking to make sure that Erik is still there. And whenever he catches you looking at him, he touches you, as if to further reassure you of his presence.

[kihamsta]

Thief

jeno, nct dream x female oc genre: fluff, high school au

summary: son ahri has had things she treasured stolen from her by lee jeno since the day she met him

words: 8486

Son Ahri thinks Lee Jeno is a thief.

Actually, she knows he is a thief.

When they were four, he stole her favourite swing at the playground in their kindergarten. Her favourite swing was the only yellow one and yellow was her favourite colour. She had recently learned what having favourites was and realised she had a lot of them.

It was a sunny afternoon and she had dashed to where her swing was as soon as she set foot in the playground, only to find a boy already sitting on it. She had told him to get up, that it was her swing.

“It is not yours,” the boy had said, “Your name is not on it.”

She had told him to play on another swing. He had told her to do the same. Seeing no other solution, Ahri had cried. Their respective class teachers got involved but the boy still refused to get up and the girl continued crying.

It was the first time Son Ahri met Lee Jeno, a thief.

                                                             xx

The next time Jeno stole from Ahri was in elementary school.

She didn't have a favourite swing at the playground anymore but she her favourite colour was still yellow. She almost always wore a yellow satin ribbon on her ponytail and made sure it never ever came loose. However, one day, without her knowing, it had.

Just out of her uniform, she had reached up to pull her ponytail loose to find her ribbon gone. She didn't know where she had dropped it. She tried looking for it, in her room, her house and the street outside but to no avail. Her ribbon was gone.

With tears in her eyes, Ahri had gone to her mum and informed her about the grave incident. Her had mum only chuckled and told her she'd buy her some more the next day. It was not a big deal. Ahri had accepted that.

That was until the next morning when she found a guilty looking Jeno standing outside her classroom. They didn't talk much. They were not friends, so Ahri was going to just ignore him. But when she was about to enter the classroom, her eyes landed on what was in the boys hand. Her ribbon! Before she could say anything, though, he shoved the little piece of fabric at her and ran off.

Suddenly, it clicked. The previous day, she had passed by Jeno after school near the gates. She had been a few feet away when he had called after her. “What?” she had snapped.

“Nothing,” he had replied.

Lee Jeno had stolen her ribbon but for some reason had decided to return it. At least that was what ten year old Ahri had deduced.

                                                            xx

It was their first year of middle school and Ahri realised that Jeno was on his way to stealing her best friend.

Her best friend, Na Jaemin, had lived next door to her ever since she could remember. Sadly, he hadn't enrolled in the same elementary school as her but as far as spending time outside of school went, they were quite inseparable. Her piano lessons and his art classes took place in the same building and even at the same time. They always spent every holiday together as well.

Both of them had been ecstatic when their parents had decided that they would attend the same middle school. It meant walking to and from school together, it meant eating lunch together, it meant having much more to talk about together.

Not many of Ahri's old elementary school friends were in her class and unfortunately, neither was Jaemin. She would spend lunch time with Jaemin and that was more than enough. That is until one afternoon, Jaemin showed up to lunch with another boy in tow: Lee Jeno.

Jeno was all smiles as usual as he took a seat across from Ahri while Jaemin slid in next to her. “Jeno says he knows you,” Jaemin said excitedly.

Ahri's smile was thin as she replied, “Yeah. We know each other.”

That was how their duo became, to Ahri's exasperation, a trio. The two boys were in the same class and got along like a house on fire and Ahri feared that at some point, she would drift apart from Jaemin. So, she took precautions. She started spending more time with the girls from her class and formed solid friendships with a couple of them, especially with a girl called Heo Jinri. Heo Jinri always wore her PE track pants under her skirt and always had something to add to any conversation. Everything that Ahri didn't say out loud, Jinri said for her.

However, to Ahri's surprise (and relief), the drifting apart never happened. Jaemin, and even Jeno, for some reason, strongly insisted on eating lunch together, even if it meant eating on the grass outside with Jinri going off about her new favourite idol group.

Ahri had to walk home alone only on days Jaemin was absent. On those days too she'd be accompanied by Jeno for a part of the way home. When their parents allowed it, the four would even catch movies together.

Jeno stole nothing from Ahri all throughout middle school. They shared a best friend though and spent a lot of time together. Maybe, Ahri realised, they were friends too.

 xx

 In their second year of high school, Jeno went back to his criminal ways.

“Did you guys see the poster?” Huang Renjun asked, more like yelled, as he entered the classroom. He had moved to Korea from China a little over a year ago, but his Korean vocabulary was almost scarily good. Ahri thought he made some boys their age sound dumb, but that could be because she was biased. Renjun had become a very good friend very fast, courtesy of Jaemin and Jeno.

Whoever they befriended, Ahri did too, and vice versa, even though Ahri wasn’t as good as the boys at making friends.

“The Duet Song Festival one?” Heo Jinri asked, from her perch on top of her desk. She still wore track pants with her skirt.

“Won't it get our school sued? Copyright... trademarks... something like that?” Jaemin sounded genuinely concerned.

Ahri snorted, “Like they care about one tiny high school.”

“Its interclass,” Renjun announced, like it held deep meaning.

The other three sucked in a breath. Their class had suffered a humiliating defeat at the annual sports event, and that too at the hands of the freshmen. It had been humiliating enough that in high school, they were being subject to things like a ‘sack race’, the fact that Zhong Chenle from Class 1-A was an absolute beast and had annihilated everyone made it worse.

Their class had only one medal, because of Jeno winning the high jump event, and that was it. No one had bothered to even find out what rank their class was on, they had simply, sadly walked home.

The four collectively came to a realisation: this was a chance at redemption.

Renjun’s eyes lit up. The boy could sing, and everyone knew.

“It’s a duet festival though,” Jinri reminded the boy, and his shoulders visibly sagged.

That small technicality didn’t completely bring him down however. One could tell by the way his eyes wandered the classroom, going from one face to another. After some internal contemplation, he spoke, “Guys, does anyone want to participate in the duet song thing?”

The class was almost full but the responses were few, all of them negative. Morale was at an all time low in Class 2-E after the sports day.

“Good then, me and Ahri will represent our class.”

Ahri let out a strangled protest and stood up from her seat. But soon after, Jeno entered the room, announcing that the teacher was on her way. Everyone went back to their seats, Renjun with an especially satisfied smirk on his face, leaving a shocked Ahri the only one on her feet. Jeno raised his eyebrows at her as he walked over to his seat which happened to be the one right in front of her. Ahri couldn’t help the pout that appeared on her lips as she gestured to Renjun. As he sat down, Ahri thought she saw Jeno’s ever-present smile fall.

                                                                x

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Never.”

“But you will.”

Na Jaemin rolled his eyes. Heo Jinri was scrolling through her phone while Lee Jeno was silently gulping down food, his eyes not leaving the lunch box even once. The back and forth between Ahri and Renjun had been going on for almost five minutes. The other three were growing annoyed.

“I cannot sing on stage!” Ahri said hoarsely.

Renjun looked unconvinced, “Oh, please. I know you did piano recitals since you were like eight or something.”

Ahri opened her mouth but said nothing, taken aback by the fact that Renjun knew something she had never told him about. In a second though, she gained her composure and threw a glare at Jaemin. No one else could have told Renjun. Turning to the latter, she spoke, “We started the chapter on Correlation yesterday in Maths class. Weren't you paying attention?”

Renjun only smirked, “I didn't know you were smart enough to understand Maths.”

Positively fuming now, Ahri turned a shade of pink. Jeno finally looked up from his food.

“How is insulting me helping you, Huang Renjun?” the girl asked.

Said boy's shoulders sagged. “I'm sorry,” he said, his voice now soft, “But I really need you to sing with me. You're good and we have a chance.”

Ahri blinked a few times. Renjun sounded almost desperate. “I’m not good and you haven't ever heard me sing a full song.”

“Then sing for us right now,” Jinri suggested with a shrug.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea!” Jaemin said, enthusiastic for some reason.

Ahri would save a good punch or two for each of them. The only one who wasn't adding fuel to the flames was Jeno, and she was grateful. She turned to Renjun, who looked close to tears. Did this competition mean that much to him? She let out a sigh. “Can you guys at least not look at me?”

Renjun's face lit up. “Sure!” The boy hurriedly turned his back to her. The others followed silently, Jaemin shooting her a dirty look for giving them extra exercise.

Ahri cleared her throat and then let out a deep breath. She chose to sing a song she was most comfortable with. Eyes trained on the floor, she sang a verse and the first chorus. As soon as she was done, Renjun all but spun around on his butt to face her. He started clapping and she'd never seen him smile so brightly. The others turned around and joined the applause, their clapping not as enthusiastic. There were smiles on their faces nonetheless.

“We can win, Ahri,” Renjun grabbed her arm and lightly shook her.

Ahri couldn't help but crack a smile, “We can't be so sure. Other classes have really good singers too.”

“Doesn't matter,” Renjun said dismissively, “we’ll practice hard.”

“We'll have to choose a song first,” Ahri pointed out and then turned to the rest of their friends. “You guys will help us out, right?”

“Sure,” Jinri said with a shrug.

 Jaemin nodded, smiling widely.

“I'll play guitar for you guys,” Jeno suddenly blurted, speaking for the first time since they had started eating. His eyes travelled to Renjun and then to Ahri. Voice much softer, he spoke again, “I mean, can I?”

“Of course! I heard live instruments are preferred.” Renjun held his hand out for a high five which Jeno met halfway. Jinri looked like she was biting back a smirk.

“It's settled, then,” Ahri said, mostly to herself.

Jaemin raised his arms over his head and looked at the sky dramatically. “Finally!”

                                                               x

It didn’t take them too long to choose a song. Two days after Ahri had agreed to the duet, they had shortlisted three songs with help from Jinri. ‘Some’ was rejected on grounds that there were probably five other teams that were singing it. ‘Give Love’ was rejected because Renjun refused to even try to rap, which was, in hindsight, wise on his part. That meant they ended up with ‘Garosugil at Dawn’, which both Ahri and Renjun were fairly pleased about.

“Who broke your heart, little boy?” Jinri had asked when Renjun had shown a bit too much love for the song. To be fair, the boy had looked a little too wistful, staring into the distance with a smile on his face for five seconds straight.

They had quickly decided on a practice schedule: every other day after school at 5 in one of the music rooms; they decided to give themselves rest on the weekdays. The contest was almost two months away, they didn’t need that much practice, not now at least.

Ahri would be lying if she said that Renjun’s enthusiasm wasn’t rubbing off on her. Instead of dreading having to sing with him, she was starting to almost look forward to it. She liked her song and her partner. Things weren’t as bad as she thought they would be when Renjun had first suggested it. But then again, they hadn’t started practicing. Things could get bad then.

Abruptly, she stopped in the middle of the hallway and shook her head. A student or two gave her annoyed looks. Stopping abruptly in a crowded hallway after school wasn’t the best idea.

“What’s wrong?” a familiar voice asked from behind her.

Startled, she turned to see Jeno looking down at her. “Nothing,” she answered, without much thought.

“Why did you stop walking suddenly then?”

Her best friend’s best friend seemed to have a lot of questions today. “Were you following me?” she teased.

Jeno, to her surprise, look uncharacteristically annoyed. “This is a hallway. I was just walking behind you.”

“Cool,” Ahri said dismissively as she glanced behind him, “where’s Jaemin?” They didn’t have the same subjects, so despite being in the same homeroom, they changed classes quite a lot.

“Club meeting. They’re planning a trip to an old age home.”

The girl nodded in understanding, a pout on her lips. “So it’s just us today.”

To her surprise, Jeno looked bothered. She hadn’t intended for that to happen. “Is that so bad?” he asked.

“No!” Ahri was surprised at how defensive she sounded. Since when had she cared about Jeno assuming she didn’t like him? “It’s just that I’ll be alone for the rest of the way.”

“I can walk you home, if you want,” he offered.

Not knowing what to say, she looked up at him with eyes a fraction wider than usual. This was new. Jeno had never offered to walk her home before, and there had been many opportunities over the years.

Somehow she mustered up a few words to say, “No need. It’s too much trouble for you.”

“Tell me if you change your mind.”

The girl could only nod. This was odd. She started walking silently when Jeno motioned for her to lead the way. Their walk from school to the bus stop was spent in awkward silence. It hadn’t been awkward between them in years.

Ahri didn’t know when Jeno had gone from being the boy she had hoped and prayed would stop hanging out with them, to the boy whose company she kind of enjoyed. Sometimes, when he was absent from school for over two days, she missed his presence. Of course, she was never going to admit that. Not even to Jaemin.

Ahri didn’t like this strange silence, so once they were on the bus, she decided to break it. “We chose the song, by the way.”

“Which one?”

“Garosugil at Dawn.” She could feel his gaze on her but she kept her eyes trained on the bland scenery outside. Jeno was behaving strangely and she was afraid to meet his eyes. Maybe she’d see strange things in them.

“I can manage that.”

Deciding Jeno’s response sounded fairly normal, Ahri decided to turn to him. That was a mistake. He was looking down at her, unsmiling. Was he in a bad mood? She wished she could say something that could make him smile till his eyes disappeared. She liked smiley Jeno.

“Will you be playing the piano too?”

It took Ahri a second or two longer than usual to reply, “I guess.”

“Then we’ll have to practice playing together too,” Jeno said, finally breaking eye contact and fishing his phone out of his pocket.

Ahri let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding. She felt like she could speak better now. “About that. We’ll be practicing in the music rooms after study hall every other day. You don’t have to come every day if you can’t.”

“It’s okay,” he turned to her again, but this time with a smile, “I’ll try to make it.”

“Thanks for offering to play for us,” the girl managed a smile, “that was nice of you.”

“That’s what friends are for right?” For some reason, the boy took a deep breath after speaking. Not knowing what to say, Ahri allowed a silence to settle between them, this one a little less awkward than the one before.

When they got off the bus, Ahri was aware of the fact that Jeno was side-eying her, probably wanting to know if she’d changed her mind about him walking her home. She didn’t know what she wanted. They walked in silence till they came to where they had to separate. It was a fifteen minute walk to her house and she had taken the path alone so many times. It was his fault for making her feel like she needed him to walk with her. What was Lee Jeno up to?

“You’ll go alone?” the boy asked, sounding strange.

 It made Ahri look up at him. His eyes looked darker than usual and his jaw was clenched. Ten minutes ago, he had smiled at her. What had gotten into him now? “Yeah,” the girl tried to give him a carefree smile, “I’ll be fine.” The boy merely nodded, gave her tiny wave and walked away.

Ahri sighed (out of relief or disappointment, she did not know) and continued on her way.

                                                                  x

Thankfully, Jeno had returned to his normal self the next day. He wasn’t sitting in his place. He was at the front of the class discussing something with a group of other boys that apparently was hilarious. When he caught Ahri looking at him, his eyes didn’t grow dark, and his smile remained on his face.

Mood swings, much?

His behaviour the previous day had left her confused and irritated and she didn’t know what she would do if he had continued to behave that way. She didn’t know what had caused that behaviour, she just hoped it wouldn’t happen again. She liked smiley Jeno.

Breaking eye contact, Ahri turned to talk to Jinri, who was a bit stressed lately. The latter was on a quest to find a part time job to finance her fangirl-ing expenses. “By the way, I saw a ‘Hiring’ sign at a café nearby,” she told her friend.

Jinri smirked, “By the way, I caught you staring at Jeno for one minute straight.”

Ahri felt her cheeks heat up. “I wasn’t staring!” she claimed, her voice a whisper as she looked around, making sure no one had heard.

“Watching, observing, eyeing, whatever,” the other girl rolled her eyes, “You were looking at him.”

A sigh left Ahri’s lips, “He was acting weird yesterday but now he’s completely normal.”

Jinri’s smirk seemed to grow, “It was just the two of you yesterday, wasn’t it?”

Ahri didn’t like how her friend sometimes acted like she was enjoying a private joke that no one else knew. “Yeah. So?”

“Nothing,” the smirk refused to leave the girl’s lips, “He was probably having a bad day or something.”

“But…” Ahri trailed off. She didn’t want to tell Jinri that Jeno had seemed like he was angry but had been nice to her at the same time. How does one explain that? She didn’t like the way Jinri was smirking and also didn’t want anyone to overhear, especially not Jeno.

“Oh wow,” the other girl said flatly, “now he’s staring at you.”

Eyes narrowing into a glare, Ahri spoke, “I know you’re trying to trick me.”

Jinri shrugged, “Don’t believe me if you don’t want to.”

Rolling her eyes, Ahri turned to the front. She didn’t understand what had suddenly gotten into her friend. Jinri liked teasing people and especially got on Renjun’s nerves but she had never teased Ahri about Jeno. Sure, she had tormented Ahri when she had developed a crush on a senior the previous year but never over any of their guy friends. Why Jinri thought it was now a good idea to imply that Jeno liked her or something, Ahri couldn’t figure out. Jeno didn’t like her, she knew. She wasn’t always nice to him. He had no reason to like her.

When Jeno scrambled to his desk just before their teacher walked in, Ahri found herself unable to look at him. Instead she just stared at the book on her desk.

For the entire class, she felt like Jinri was smirking at her and she just couldn’t concentrate on what the teacher was saying. The fact that their Korean teacher taught like he cared about the class as much as he cared about a pebble on the road didn’t help. The girl felt her eyelids grow heavy. A few times she startled herself awake but after the fifth time she dozed off, she decided to give up on staying awake.

Glancing at the teacher to make sure he wasn’t looking, Ahri slowly reached out for Jeno with both hands. He grew stiff when she first touched him, and it almost made her pull away, but he relaxed soon enough. He allowed her to gently position him so that he was blocking their teacher’s view of her. This was a frequent occurrence. He was taller and broader and covered her perfectly.

The sound of chairs scraping over the floor made Ahri shoot up in her seat. She stood up to greet the teacher as he left, but as soon as he was gone she sat back down and resumed her previous position: cheek squished against her arms as she used them as a pillow. She squeezed her eyes shut as the class grew noisier. She really wanted to fall back asleep.

Her eyes shot open, however, when someone grabbed her shoulder and violently shook her. Cursing under her breath, she looked up at the perpetrator. Jaemin looked down at her with an angelic smile on his face. “It’s lunch time, wake up.”

“I hate you.”

Jaemin did not look bothered by the sudden hatred directed towards him, he only reached forward and took his best friend’s cheek between his fingers. “You’re drooling, sleepy beauty.”

“I’m not,” Ahri snapped defensively, but still reached up to wipe the corners of her mouth. It was a difficult task, given Jaemin was still pinching her cheek.

Renjun was suddenly beside Jaemin. “Let’s go, guys, I only had an egg for breakfast,” he said, his hands on his tummy.

Jeno, who had been putting his things away, stood up. Renjun spared him a quick glance before speaking to the girls, “You guys head to the roof, we’ll buy a few things in the cafeteria, okay?”

“Sure,” Jinri responded with a shrug while Ahri only smiled up at the boys, turning to put her things away.

With no more to say, the boys made their way towards the door. Jeno put his arm around Renjun’s shoulders as they listened to Jaemin talk rather passionately about food.

Just as they were about to exit the classroom however, Jeno stopped in his tracks like he had been struck by lightning. The smaller boy beside him looked up at him in confusion, but Jeno paid him no mind. He turned to where his other friends were sitting. “Do you want something from the cafeteria?”

The question was meant for both the girls but for some reason, his eyes met Ahri’s.

“Banana milk,” Ahri and Jeno said at the same time. Ahri tried to stop her lips from tugging up into a smile but failed. Thankfully, Jeno did too. He gave her a nod and then pulled Renjun along with him and into the corridor.

“Nice,” Jinri said, “he forgot about my existence.”

Ahri stood up, lunch box in hand, and turned to her friend, “Did you really want something?”

Jinri smiled mischievously, “No, it would be nice to be asked. I just want Lee Jeno to stop being an idiot.”

“Fair enough.”

Ahri shrugged and held out her hand for Jinri to hold before they made their way out the class too. This was routine. The boys usually got their food from the cafeteria and the girls brought homemade food. Apparently it wasn’t cool to carry lunch boxes for the guys anymore. Their group of five always ate together on the rooftop. They didn’t know why but a portion of the rooftop wasn’t off limits for the students, and it was never crowded. A majority of the time, they were the only ones in the place during lunch. Maybe it was because the kids were too lazy to climb up the stairs. More realistically though, first years probably did not know about it yet and the third years were too busy to come out of their classrooms for trivial things like lunch. No one was complaining about the lack of other company though.

Everything was going as it always did everyday of every week until the girls rounded a corner. As soon as they did, they came across a group of girls deep in conversation outside one of the classrooms. One of girls in the group happened to glance over to Ahri and Jinri. She narrowed her eyes at them (much to their confusion) and leaned over to whisper something in her friend’s ear. Said friend also turned to look at them and was less cautious about showing her disdain, her lips curling into a sneer.

As confused as they were, the two girls didn’t stop walking. It wasn’t worth getting into fights for no reason at all. Once on the floor above though, Ahri spoke. “What was that about?”

Jinri seemed to be thinking of an answer. “Don’t know,” she finally said, “That class in full of weirdos though. Even their class teacher is weird. He’s always smiling, but only at girls.”

Ahri frowned, “I thought he was just being nice.” Nice teachers were rare.

“Oh, you naïve little child,” Jinri said with a shake of her head.

Ahri only rolled her eyes. She took the stairs two at a time, making the other girl rush behind her with a string of complaints. She flung the door to the rooftop open and made her way to their usual spot, right at the edge, in a corner against the safety net.

As soon as they were seated, Jinri whipped out her phone, ready to show Ahri her favourite girl group’s new music video. It took four more music videos for the boys to finally arrive.

Jeno made his way over to Ahri and sat down beside her. With a tiny smile he handed her that banana milk. The other boys followed suit. No one said a word as lunch boxes were opened and seals were ripped off as everyone wolfed down the food they didn’t ever realise they had been craving.

After several minutes of silence, which was only broken by faint sounds of chewing, Jinri spoke up. “By the way, Na Jaemin, what did you do to Kim Solmi? She and her gang looked like they were plotting to murder us.”

Everyone loved Jaemin, with his bright smile and chatty ways. However, sometimes, try as he might, he couldn’t return certain people’s feelings. He’d inadvertently left a trail of broken hearts behind him. Alarmed at the new information, the boy seemed to find it difficult to swallow a mouthful of omurice. Interest piqued, the others waited for him to speak. Jeno, however, had taken a sudden interest in a trash can on the far end of the roof.

“It wasn’t me!” Jaemin burst out as he was done chewing his food. “It was Lee Jeno this time.”

Ahri reacted a little…a lot more quickly than she would have liked to. Her head whipped sideways to look at Jeno, the tips of whose ears had turned pink. He seemed to hold her wide-eyed gaze for a fleeting moment before he turned to the rest of their friends. “It isn’t like that,” he claimed, holding up his hands as if in surrender. “She, uh- actually she confessed to me yesterday and I said liked someone else to get out of it. That’s really it.”

Was it okay for Ahri to sigh in relief? “That’s it?” She felt like she sounded a little too hopeful.

Jeno didn’t seem to notice, he nodded earnestly.  “Really,” he said. Then, after a pause, “She didn’t do or say anything to you, did she?”

“Except for the glaring, no. It’s weird though. We used to be friends in middle school.”

Suddenly Jinri’s interest seemed to be piqued. “Yeah, Jeno. It was weird. What did you say to her?”

The pink from the boy’s ears seemed to shift over to his cheeks as he mumbled something that was hardly audible.

                                                               x

In the weeks that followed, Kim Solmi’s distaste for them thankfully didn’t take a turn for the worse. Sometimes, when she passed by Ahri, she would side-eye the girl. Ahri didn’t dwell too much on the other girl’s actions.

Except, when she happened to be with Jeno, Solmi seemed to be extra hateful. She’d roll her eyes and let out really loud scoffs as she passed by them. Once she’d gotten a bit too close in the hallway and Jeno, for some reason, had wrapped an arm around Ahri’s shoulders and pulled her a little bit closer. She hadn’t thought much of it then. It was just her friend saving her from an unreasonable, one-sided conflict.

When Jeno started doing it when his admirer wasn’t around, however, Ahri thought about it. Ahri thought about it a lot. Like right now as they were walking to the music rooms together. He had his guitar case slung over one shoulder, but he had his other arm over her shoulders. There was absolutely no need for him to do that. Ahri tried to tell herself that it was because the hallway was crowded, but he had never had a problem with letting her walk on her own before. It wasn’t like she couldn’t dodge the occasional rowdy kid.

She didn’t detest being touched by her male friends. Sometimes, Renjun fondly patted her on the head and she was used to Jaemin and his affectionate ways. ‘Affectionate’ couldn’t be used to describe her relationship with Jeno though. There had always been an underlying awkwardness between the two of them. It was perhaps because they both knew of Ahri’s dislike for him during their childhood.

As she was forced to befriend him in middle school, she’d found herself trying to recall why she’d disliked the boy and had come up with nothing. Even now when she tried to remember why she’d been so reluctant to get to know Jeno, she could come up with nothing substantial.

When they did become friends, they got pretty close but not like the rest of the group. Their relationship was never carefree, both a bit strung up around each other. Jeno was so nice and respectful that sometimes Ahri thought something was wrong with her. No one would be a friend to her like Jaemin was. That fact was undisputable. But even Renjun, who she’d known for only little over a year, was more of a ‘buddy’ than Jeno ever was: the kind of friend that didn’t leave her skin tingling whenever he touched her.

When they arrived at the music room their passionate friend had rushed after class to capture, Jeno finally let go. They entered the room to find Renjun waiting with his arms crossed over his chest and with one foot tapping on the floor impatiently. “There you are!” he exclaimed.

The other two couldn’t tell if he was annoyed or excited. What they did know was that they would be spending a long time practising.

They indeed ended up spending quite some time in the room, but at some point, they had stopped practising the song for the competition and started singing random songs that came into their minds. Obviously they had had way too much fun because when the trio separated at the main gate, it was already dark.

Renjun said goodbye with a cheerful wave and went his own way, leaving the other two in each other’s company. Without words, they started walking towards the bus stop. Now that there were no rowdy boys or glaring girls to protect Ahri from, Jeno didn’t have his arm around her shoulders.

“We really lost track of time, huh?” the boy broke the silence.

“No kidding.”

There was long pause before Ahri spoke again, “But it was fun.”

“It was like karaoke,” Jeno smiled down at her. “Can you believe the number of Korean songs Renjun knows?”

“Sometimes he feels more Korean than us.”

Jeno let out a chuckle. He opened his mouth as if he was about to say something but before he could, the bus’s bright headlights shone on them from a distance, making them both turn towards it. The two silently climbed onto the bus as it slowed to halt before them. Finding seats wasn’t a problem, finding a way to keep Jeno’s guitar upright and making sure it wouldn’t fall as the bus moved was.

“I can’t believe you’ve been doing this every day,” Ahri said, her lips curving into a pout, sympathetic and extremely touched. “Thank you.”

“Anything for you,” Jeno simply responded. Those three words made Ahri’s stomach flip. That had quite literally never happened to her before. She couldn’t bring herself to say anything. Swallowing rather obviously, she turned away from him, wondering why he was making her feel this way.  “...and Renjun,” the boy added belatedly.

This time, Ahri felt her stomach drop. She was disappointed, she realised. She unconsciously shifted away from Jeno as another realisation hit her: she wanted Jeno to do something, anything, just for her. What did that entail for her feelings for the boy? She didn’t want to know.

That is why she rushed off the bus as soon as it stopped at their stop. She was hoping the guitar would slow Jeno down a bit, but he was quick. He caught up to her soon enough, grabbing her by the sleeve of her blazer. Surprised at how brazen he suddenly was, she let out a little gasp as she looked up at him.

His eyes softened when they met hers. “It’s pretty late. Let me walk you home at least today?”

It was late, and Ahri didn’t want to walk home alone. “I will allow you to walk me home,” she said with a cheeky smile.

Jeno let out a snort of laughter that he didn't seem too embarrassed about. Then he did something that she’d never thought he’d do. His hand slipped from her blazer, slowly and deliberately, and came to hold hers. Ahri struggled to keep the same cheeky smile on her face. Thankfully, before she could do something embarrassing like squeak or gasp, he tugged her forward gently.

It took a few moments for her to fall in step beside him. It took longer still to process the fact that Lee Jeno had decided to hold hands with her. Maybe friends did that sometimes but a friend holding your hand isn’t supposed to send your heart racing, is it? She didn’t know. She didn’t know anything other than the fact that she kind of wished Jeno would walk her home every day.

                                                              x

There was only a week left till the competition and Renjun was late. Ahri checked the time on her phone. He was exactly twenty minutes late and she had listened to four songs in an attempt to pass time after getting bored of waiting. She let out a sigh of exasperation. She hated waiting. She had spent too much time out of the window at the quad waiting for Renjun to come running across it.

Just as she was about to call him up, she felt a nudge on her shoulder. Her heart leapt up to her throat at the sudden touch. Her mother always told her not to keep her earphones on all the time, maybe she was right.

With a gasp she turned to face the person. It took only a moment to realise the person in question was a lot closer than she had thought and that the person was Jeno. In the next moment, her lips came in contact with another pair of lips. She closed her eyes on impact, body only half facing Jeno. Time seemed to slow down and she couldn’t hear anything other than the pounding of her own heart.

This wasn’t happening. This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. These kinds of things only happened in unrealistic dramas. This wasn’t happening.

It felt like eons before he pulled away. Ahri let out another gasp, “Jeno, I—” His lips were on hers once again. One of his hands gently gripped her chin. Her eyes shut once again, finally accepting that this was actually happening. As confusing as it was, it was happening and she wasn’t opposed to it.

The kiss stopped as suddenly as it had started. Jeno pulled away suddenly, staring down at her, his breath ragged for whatever reason. “I’m sorry,” he breathed out. Ahri couldn't quite find it in her to speak. “I didn’t mean to,” Jeno added.

Ahri felt a lump grow in her throat as she watched Jeno grab his guitar and rush out of the music room.

Lee Jeno had just stolen her first kiss.

Lee Jeno had stolen her first kiss and run away.

x 

The day of the competition had arrived. It had been a week. A week since Jeno had kissed her and fled. A week since he had actively maintained an arms distance from her. She didn’t know what to feel about the fact that he had made sure that they never had to go home alone together. Sometimes she wanted to laugh when Jaemin showed up out of nowhere when they were heading home after practice.

“How is our Riri doing?” Think of the devil, Ahri thought as her fingers halted on the piano keys mid-arpeggio.

“I’m okay,” she said. She gave him a tiny smile as he pulled up a chair beside her. Jaemin reached up and played a single shrill note on the piano and flinched. Her smile grew. He always did that.

“Don't lieeee,” he said in a sing-song voice, his pout almost audible.

Ahri's gaze fell to the piano keys. “I’m kinda nervous.”

“I’m not talking about that.” The light heartedness in his voice was gone. “Look at me.”

Despite the fact that her cheeks were quite literally flaming, Ahri’s met her best friend's gaze. “Jeno has been avoiding me,” she let out, sounding small.

“We all know that, idiot. Why is he avoiding you though?”

Involuntarily, she sniffled. “He didn't tell you?”

“No,” Jaemin let out a sigh, “that's why I'm asking you.” Another sniffle from Ahri. “Are you crying? Did you guys fight?”

The girl shook her head. “He kind of...kissed me and ran away. He hasn’t spoken to me since.”

There was a long silence.

Almost a minute passed before Jaemin let out a laugh that sounded more like a scoff. “That idiot!” After another beat of silence, the boy let out a real laugh. “You're an idiot too, you know? Stupid things like this wouldn’t happen if you guys just admitted you like each other!”

“We don’t—”

“He’s right. I agree.” The pair of friends both looked to the door at the same time, eyes wide. Renjun stood there holding Ahri’s water bottle, looking like he hadn’t snuck up on them. “You guys are talking about you and Jeno, right?” The other two nodded. “That guy’s taking too long to confess,” he said with a slight tilt of his head.

“No one’s talking about confessing,” Ahri blurted.

Renjun exchanged a look with Jaemin. “Are these two still in denial?” Jaemin only shrugged. He honestly didn't know. The other boy sighed and handed Ahri her water bottle. “Warm water. Our performance is soon.”

Ahri muttered thanks and proceeded to chug the water.

Renjun placed a hand on her shoulder and gave her a smile that made her feel like the world was at peace. “You guys will be fine. Let's go.”

 Ahri could feel her heart pounding in her chest harder and harder in her chest as they approached the back of their school auditorium. She could tell Renjun was nervous too. He was a lot stiffer than usual.

“I wish Jaemin could have stayed,” Renjun murmured as they finally entered the crowded backstage area. Ahri couldn’t agree more. Jaemin was quite a bubble of cheerfulness; he’d at least keep them distracted. Unfortunately, only participants and musicians were allowed backstage. So he had happily bounded off, promising to tell their friend Raon from the photography club to take good pictures of them. “Where’s Jeno anyways?” Renjun sounded antsy. Almost as if his name had summoned him, Jeno appeared beside Renjun. He muttered an apology, something about his guitar and the sound people.

For once the pounding in Ahri’s chest wasn’t because Jeno was in the vicinity. She was nervous. It had been a while since she had performed in front of this big a crowd. Renjun seemed to notice. He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. His hands felt a tiny bit unsteady. The smile that he gave her though was reassuring. From the corner of her eyes she saw Jeno stick his head out to take a glance at them before quickly going back to his previous position.

Too soon, someone called for Son Ahri and Hwang Renjun to go on stage. The MC who was someone from third year gave them an enthusiastic and over the top introduction, of which Ahri could register very little. The spotlight was glaring down at them and it made her eyes water. When she looked down at the crowd she couldn’t make out a single face. Someone let out a loud shriek of a cheer. It sounded a lot like Chenle. That made her smile.

Shaking off the nervousness, she quickly made her way towards the piano and settled down, making sure the mic wasn’t too close to her. As her partner was introducing their song to the audience, her eyes wandered to the other side of stage. Jeno had already seated himself on a stool, looking more relaxed and ready to perform that she ever felt. Maybe he felt her eyes on him. That was probably why he turned to meet her gaze. She must have looked a lot more nervous than she thought, because the first thing he did after their eyes met was to take a deep breath, as if reminding her to do the same. Then with a quick glance at Renjun he mouthed, ‘One, two, three, and four.’

Renjun sang the first words of the song at the exact second Jeno strummed the first chord. “When I put on my jacket at 9pm after the sun has set, When I leave the house no one will come home to...”

Everything that happened after the performance was a bit of a blur. The only thing Ahri remembered was the fact that Renjun couldn’t stop smiling from the moment their performance was over till they made their way to the audience to join Jaemin and Jinri. Ahri would be lying if she didn’t do the same. Maybe Jeno was smiling too. She wouldn’t know. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him. She was seated in between Jinri and Renjun. Jeno still hadn’t spoken to her.

The smiles faded, however, when it was time for the announcement of the results. There was a vicelike grip on Ahri’s arm that belonged to Jinri. Every time she tried to swat her friend’s hand away, it would come back stronger. There would be bruises on her arm for sure. Renjun wasn’t doing too well either. He’d probably have no fingernails left by the time the winner was announced.

“The winners are...” There was an entire unnecessary and long pause. “Son Ahri and Huang Renjun from class 2-E!”

Two pairs of arms wrapped around her, belonging to Renjun and Jinri, as the audience applauded. The loudest cheers came from the area around them. All of class 2-E had decided to sit together so that they could make a lot of noise. Smiles back on their faces, they went up to receive their trophies.

 “Redemption!” Jaemin cheered as they made their way out of the auditorium, the trophies now in his arms. “We’re not the class that is bad at everything. I love you guys.” The other four chuckled. Jaemin was always like a proud, doting mother.

“Let’s go celebrate. The cafe I work at has amazing food,” Jinri suggested.

“Someone’s taking their job seriously,” Renjun teased. Jinri just blew him a raspberry.

Ahri was just walking quietly beside her friends, when she suddenly stopped in her tracks. “What?” Jaemin stopped beside her.

“I forgot my water bottle in the music room.” She looked up at Jaemin with a pout, hoping that he’d offer to get it for her. He was a nice person that way.

“No,” Jaemin said firmly, “that won’t work with me.”

With a sigh, Ahri begrudgingly said goodbye to friends and hurried to the music rooms on the other side of the school. Since the competition was over, the music rooms were eerily quiet. Only a day ago, they would have to fight for some time in one of the rooms. Quickly, she stepped into the music room she had left her bottle in and picked it up. She couldn’t help but let out a sigh as she stood there for a moment too long. This was the same room Jeno had kissed her in. It had been an entire week since they hadn’t spoken directly to each other. She didn’t know what she had expected to happen, but this wasn’t it.

A loud bang startled her out of her reverie. With a gasp, she looked to the source of the sound. Jeno stood at the door, looking like he’d raced all the way to the building. He had opened the door a bit too forcefully.

Ahri reacted automatically. She tried to make her way around him and out the door, but Jeno’s arm came to block the way out. “Please.” It sounded like a plea.

She had to gather all her courage to look him in the eyes. “It’s okay. You can continue ignoring me.” It was when her voice broke that she realised she didn’t mean those words.

“No,” Jeno let out a sigh. “Look, I really didn’t mean to—”

“I get it. You made a mistake. It’s fine.” Ahri couldn’t maintain eye contact. She looked down, hugging her water bottle to chest.

“That’s not what I mean.” Those words made her look up at him again, eyes wide and unsure. “It was an accident and I didn’t want it to happen that way. I kissed you out of nowhere and I wasn’t sure if you wanted to and...and I haven’t even asked you out.”

A long silence followed during which Ahri’s eyes got impossibly wide, her mouth hanging just a bit ajar. She felt dizzy as Jeno’s words echoed in her mind. Her stomach was full of butterflies she had never felt before. “What do you mean?” she managed to whisper.

The boy swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and then back down. He took a step inside. Ahri took a step back as she watched him shut the door behind him. “I like you.” Silence. “I like you, Son Ahri. I’ve liked you for a long time. I just...didn’t know.” Jeno hesitated before continuing, “Everyone seems to think you like me too.”

Ahri almost dropped her beloved water bottle. Everyone was right, she realised. The irritation she’d felt when he had gotten his first girlfriend back in their last year of middle school had been jealousy. She hadn’t liked when he sat beside her acted oh so friendly because she had wanted him to do more. She had wanted him to treat her like she was more than a friend. She had liked Lee Jeno for a long time too.

“Everyone is right,” she said as a giggle inevitably left her mouth. They were idiots, the two of them. “I like you too.”

Out of nowhere, Jeno tackled her into a hug. Her bottle fell to the floor with a clatter, uncared for. He was warm and for some reason, smelled faintly of her favourite cookies. Shyly, she wrapped her arms around him. He sent tingles down her spine when he leaned down to whisper in her ear. “Let me kiss you? Properly this time.”

With cheeks feeling hotter than the sun, she nodded against his chest. He loosened his grip on her waist only for his hands to cup her cheeks. Ahri eyes shut the moment his lips touched hers. Her grip on his blazer tightened when her knees started feeling weak. And as if he knew, Jeno’s arms went around her waist again, pulling her closer.

When they broke apart, flushed and breathless, Ahri dazedly let two words slip from her mouth. “You thief.” Both her hands came up to slap her mouth shut as she gasped in embarrassment. She couldn’t believe she’d let that slip. Tentatively, she looked up at Jeno, hoping he hadn’t heard.

For some reason, Jeno looked just as embarrassed. “You remember that?”

“Huh?”

“Back in fifth grade, you dropped your ribbon and I took it home with me because...it was yours.” He let out a little laugh. “My mum scolded me and told me to return it to you.”

Ahri chuckled, “I do remember.” But that was not what she had meant. It was unexpected, unbelievable and awfully corny, but Lee Jeno was a thief because he had somehow stolen her heart.

author’s note: i did not mean for this to be a birthday post, but happy birthday, jeno! i’ve been writing this for months. i actually wanted to write high school aus for the 00 liners before they graduated but since no one is graduating, i can post high school aus for 6dream and maybe a college one for mark. but again, no promises.

[cometcrystal]

tagged by @090519990305 hell yeah!!

Rules: Answer 17 questions and tag 17 people you want to get to know better (i dont rly like tagging people even tho i don’t mind being tagged myself so if you wanna do this and say i tagged you that’s alright)

Nickname: dott’s technically a nickname itself but from that i have dottothy 

Zodiac Sign: virgo which is my main/sun and also leo moon and sag rising i think???

Height: genuinely cannot remember. like... 5′4??? average ig

Hogwarts House: ravenclaw

Last Thing I Googled: "beautiful snow white pins” cause i saw beautiful snow white on the backstamp of a pin on ebay and i was trying to see if that was the name of a shop but all i got was pinterest :pensive:

Song Stuck In My Head: pop danthology 2014 because i listened to it last night after not hearing it for a couple years and now all thats in my head is i try to let it go let it go (elsa voice) let it go

Following: 609

Followers: 2687

Amount I sleep: on work nights it usually ends up being ~7 hours but otherwise it depends

Lucky Numbers: haven’t rly got one??

Dream Job: ideally, getting paid to do nothing. that’s my dream. the jobs im actually going for aren’t my dream they’re just something that i think i can tolerate doing for money

Currently Wearing: $3 walmart tshirt and $3 walmart pj shorts cause i haven’t gotten dressed for work yet

Favorite Songs: my favs are always changing but rn i’m gonna do 3 cause i don’t have time to do more before work

love me tender - stereo jane

susie save your love - allie x ft mitski

we got this - zombies 2 cast

Favorite Instrument: i always go apeshit when a song has cowbells. but other than that i honestly like drums a lot because all my autism songs are ones with a good beat

Random Fact About Me: i still haven’t read lemonade mouth puckers up and it’s been sitting by my laptop since it arrived in the mail and i feel bad about it

Favorite Authors: jerry spinelli always

Favorite Animal Noises: almost every cat noise, lizard nails scratching on hardwood floor, the little random noises birds make when they’re just chilling with their owners

Aesthetic: i’ve maintained that it’s lisa frank butch and i still think it’s that but its a lot of other things too? like i love horror shit and like. cute monster things. and i also like fantasy and sunlight and etc. so it’s not just any one thing

tag games are so fun bro

[theskyexists]

she-ra 4

the reason i stopped watching she-ra is the same reason i stopped watching the dragon prince.

the narrative doesn’t take the situation seriously. instead of leaning into the anguish of war and violence (atla, teen titans) - they make light of it. EVEN when the characters’ guardians are KILLED!!

when Angella died and they spent 2 seconds on Glimmer’s grief at the end of season 3 i was like......actually fuck this. HOW can i take any of these stakes seriously when they insist on brushing them off???

anyway just had to complain about that - especially because the start of the first ep of 4 is them joking AGAIN about something as grim as Glimmer now carrying all the responsibilities of her mother - who may i remind you IS DEAD

but catradora became canon apparently so now i have to struggle through

her aunt, her mother’s sister, is fuckin, joking about cakes, her friends are laughing at the joke. COME ON! how goddamn unrealistic and insensitive. EVEN if they wanna make a point of it - it’s silly! because the narrative PARTICIPATES in making light of the situation. if it was just the characters it would be less jarring

‘we’ll make sure this day is perfect’  WHAT? how could it EVER BE IF HER MOTHER IS FUCKING DEAD????????? AND THAT”S THE ONLY REASON SHE’S QUEEN????? ‘must be hard’ YEAH IT’S HARD - IN FACT IMPOSSIBLE. instead of pretending to be happy maybe you can show some genuine sensitivity. these people are so crazily emotionally underdeveloped my god. what age are they supposed to be? 16? 17? The problem that She-ra has (just like the dragon prince) is that there are no relevant adults. Oh sure there’s a Queen, and some Soldiers, and a Sorceress. But there isn’t a single relevant competent adult around who is concerned with running a bureaucracy or the emotional stability of children

I do like how Catra has overcome her fear of Hordak. but i think i remember being fuckin furious at her for almost destroying the whole world and hurting Scorpia and betraying Entrapta just to spite Adora. vaguely.

the rebellions problem is that they’re all extremely stupid himbos. like literally, in the whole story, only catra and shadowweaver have any smarts, while glimmer gains the ability to think during full moons on wednesdays. meanwhile everybodys is a slave to their emotions - which destroys any brain cells that shadowweaver or catra (or angella or anyone) might have managed. they could literally have killed hordak the entire time but just let him order them around because they’re so hot for acknowledgement

I’m glad Glimmer reflects my frustrations now hahahahaah

‘everyone is already acting like she doesn’t matter’  - yeah dudes, you fucking insensitive bastards

‘im supposed to take care of you glimmer’ - but unfortunately i have the emotional intelligence of a crab! FUCK!

this is another thing about this show that makes me groan. sappy quick resolutions of emotional turmoil through re-affirming the fuckin power of friendship in the first episode of the season.

also couldn’t Adora have done this she-ra stuff from the very beginning

that was badass.....miss glimmer’s other hair though. ok the emotions at that hologram and statue though...

the coolest part of she-ra for me is finding out more how the ancient systems all fit into Etheria and the She-Ras and Hordak Prime etc.

THIS IS A GOOD SPEECH. love this badass.

love Hordak getting put in his place. Love Catra realising she has power - love Hordak reaping what he sows. its unfortunate that she’s a shitty brat who JUST can’t get over her inferiority complex

if i could endlessly teleport i would do what glimmer does

also, glimmer was willing to fuckin murder catra before and she DEFINITELY will be now lol. love that for her.

why did they only introduce adora learning to transform her sword NOW ahahaha, theyve had SO MANY SCENES in which she doesnt have it and then suddenly does - and then its gone again

scorpia is the funniest and most likeable person in the whole show

they really suddenly can’t take five people on with she ra and fuckin huntara on their side??

i remember that little sadistic righteous twist in my stomach when Adora finally was like: FUCK!!!!!! YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! Catra!!!!!!! and the stupid idiot got it

FINALLY A GLANCE AT THE PEOPLE OF ETHERIA AGAIN! i love the party sequences in this!!! the people of etheria are so beautiful! nobody ever comments on the main characters all looking plain human in contrast....

‘and i fell for it!’  yeah cos you DUMB AS BRICKS ADORA

so first they quietly take out the guards....and then literally break open the door hahaahahahahaaha

‘we forgot the bots regenerate’ - yeah cos you DUMB AS BRICKS ADORA

i just dont understand why they insist on making the main characters so DUMB ahahahahaah

Adora and Catra are great at hitting where it hurts. the difference between them is that Catra KNOWS that she’s hurting Adora - she does it deliberately.

wow that could be some pretty angsty stuff constantly leaving her to struggle on the floor while painfully electrocuted. Catra has also moved to kill Adora straight up so many times. im sure she really wants to (but it would destroy her later). But now, Adora swept something at Catra that might have actually killed her. I get Catra though, I would’t want to get beaten by some blonde, blue-eyed, glowing golden kid who always gets to win and do better. this is truly the first time Adora has moved to kill Catra......

does flatterina not have parents who’d be like: uhhhhh maybe leave the soldiering for a couple more years?

catra truly burning all her bridges. hahaha. it’s so satisfying to see her use her anger and power to truly destroy herself - because of guilt!

no other villagers were like - HMMMMMMM this random new kid is here? weird..... i didnt see that coming either.

Adora doesn’t think about what Catra might have even been doing there - cos she’s DUMB AS BRICKS

the interesting thing about this show is that they’re setting up a dichotomy. they’re treating war like a high-stakes game because they have the good side adhere to an aesthetic of ....magic. they will not make the two sides equivalent in any way - which makes questions of morality moot. the show is purely an emotional drama. the horde is an army of brainwashed kids in an industrial wasteland - they fight with tech and guns. but the good guys cannot fight with an army or tech, they fight with cleverness and magic. they’re called the ‘rebellion’ - they HAVE to be underdogs because they have to follow the script of good - even though what’s really going on is war, not a rebellion. That’s why they have a single strike team that do ‘missions’. They are presented as FUNDAMENTALLY different - on the level of identity which they cannot change lest they destroy themselves - and in that way the good guys can never become the bad guys. it is ALMOST meta. think they’re gonna do something with that at one point. i hope

also Netossa has such a super cool design.

‘everyone knows you’re needed in bright moon’ - uh. really? i dont know. some random person i’ve never seen before demands you go to meetings. so? is that important? why?

spinerella can literally FLY???????? why has she been in the background this whole time??? hahahaha military inefficiency.

there was an explosion that ripped trees apart - but bo’s alive!! honesty why didn’t they try explosive suicide bots before. they’re very lucky he was still alive to heal

‘could they be tracking she-ra?’ WHAT? isn’t the obvious suggestion - A SPY???? they just assume that the general is right hahahahaa.

i love how double trouble is so meta.

actually, why wasn’t glimmer trained as a sorcerer anyway?

glimmer is upset about her growing magic plants but not her having magic ingredients

why do they present good strategic thinking (for once) as evil influence from shadowweaver

what a fuckin badass. honestly - glad that this show finally utilised glimmer’s extremely op powers like they should be. honestly, she’s much more powerful than She-Ra.

that bit with spinerella was so contrived jfc.

‘by using me as a decoy’ adora says, pissed off. uhhhh YOU went off on your own to get smushed by fuckin bots adora. Glimmer didn’t do that to you. she just used your stupidity.

glimmer really left catra to die. hahahahaa

i like adora best when she’s on her own and being a dork

they definitely managed to foreshadow that Light Hope was evil but im glad they picked up the thread now

am i seeing this wrong or did scorpia have two mums??? but also. where the fuck are they

lolololololol because everybodys dumb as bricks and emotionally volatile they’re incredibly easy to manipulate

‘i cant risk hitting flatterina’ pffft - ALL YOUR ARROWS ARE NON-LETHAL BO. ugh i cant deal with these contrived stakes

I LOVE THIS BADASS EFFICIENT HARDCORE GLIMMER

they’re really gonna spin it like this is a bad development? fuck off. finally some grit.

‘you took things way too far’ - but she got results! dumb as bricks adora

(this may seem harsh but adora is DUMB shes so fucking DUMB!!!! and she has many good qualities (such as an almost innate sense of morality) but goddamn. i guess its good to sometimes have a show about all around dumb characters. i mean, it’s not unrealistic per se, it’s just.....weird.)

the interesting thing about these characters is that you can SEE every single one of them struggling with cognitive dissonance. thats the big story of this show. they see the world a certain way - and then when something challenges that, they fight to the death to destroy or deny or ignore that new information - to everybody’s detriment. and they can’t back down because every step they’ve taken - would turn to sins they can’t live with. it’s interesting and its also a kind of conflict that‘s frustrating if not resolved at SOME point. thats why i love this season for its characters going off the rails. adora aiming to kill catra, catra destroying her last relationships, glimmer growing more and more militant.

they’re all acting like teens - that  is - highly volatile - unable to keep from provoking others or be provoked - but they ARE teens.

‘catra doesn’t care. she’ll hurt people to get her way (implied: EVEN people on her side)’ - we must remember that Scorpia was entirely fine with KILLING the trio (it was Catra that wasn’t at the time).

‘you’re a bad friend’ OH OUCH. Catra - who’s always been treated as a whipping girl by those in power - does the same to those she is in power over. But on some level she doesn’t WANT to be that. she’s just always always been rejected and take advantage of and lashed out at and abandoned by the people she considered important (shadowweaver ---- doing the same to catra that was done to her is so goddamn....it’s the story of this show. the simplicity and banality of damaging and hurting others and that carrying over to harm even more people - is the story of this show and it’s immeasurably frustrating and REALISTIC)

she still flinches at Hordak’s lashing out. but she imprints on him the exact lesson she’s trying to school herself in. If you don’t need anybody - you don’t want anyone - if nobody matters but the mission and winning - then you can’t be hurt. she wants to prove her worth - but she doesn’t realise that inherently means that she’s putting somebody in power over her - again and again and again.

mermista coming  in clutch with the braincells: there’s a spy! I love how this is played as completely implausible and just Mermista nonsense (who i love learning about) - while it’s so obviously true/

i actually love Adora when she’s being serious and heroic, or a huge dork. and she has the wit to RECOGNISE good ideas. but i just don’t understand why Adora is being big b about being used as a distraction. like....why?

i love that the underside of Mermista’s sneaker has a figure. but why the fuck is a common soldier with them (flatterina) and do they really think they can interrogate the whole castle filled with some shitty guards and...what - the guerilla troops they sometimes employ? where do they even live? ah in a tent city. ok

why is the GENERAL in front line combat WITHOUT SOLDIERS???? oh wait. glimmer did that too when she was general. lolololol

i understand why Adora doesn’t trust Shadowweaver and doesn’t want her around most of all - and Glimmer getting buddy buddy with her is hurtful. but...it’s not helpful to needle glimmer about it. but dismissing the guards around shadowweaver however? stupid of Glimmer. unnecessary. ‘what has she done but help us?’ - uhhhh she kidnapped you, corrupted your powers, almost wiped Adora’s mind. I wish Adora had summed up those things instead of leaving them implied.

so perfuma and mermista come across inconsistencies in the stories - but then. forget about it? i just...... UGGHGHGHGHGHGHGH. people really aren’t this dumb are they? they’re just NOT.

‘no more secrets and doing things without us’ - that was a good speech. but like, glimmer is right - she’s surrounded by INCOMPETENT IDIOTS lolololol. but good leadership is corralling idiots, Glimmer. not going off on your own. but she’s already planted the bait about the dining room.

‘we were the only ones who knew about the plan to take back dril’ ---- THEN WHY DID YOU INTERROGATE OTHER PEOPLE AHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHA

‘stop questioning my choices, stop whining about being a decoy’ YEAH FUCKIN HELL ADORA STOP BEING SUCH A FUCKING SHIT. IS THIS REALLY ‘TAKING CARE OF GLIMMER’????

‘all you do is question my authority, it’s exhausting.’ yeah god...it really is. adora needs to fucking BACK! OFF! but im loving these fights because it brings out the grievances. Adora is right to be worried about Glimmer no longer including her in her decisions. and she makes a good point that that’s bad. She makes a good point that Shadowweaver cannot be trusted. And Glimmer makes zero good points - except that it’s been hard for her and has garnered 0.1% understanding from the people around her. Oh they were working together. BUT those were definitely real grievances.

GLIMMER CAN ALREADY DO A CONTAINMENT SPELL LIKE THAT??? godDAMN. castapella completely flunked her responsibilities to Glimmer but shadowweaver did NOT.

hmmm so Solinius was....destroyed. but like, did the people die? like....the people? that’s the important bit isn’t it? i mean, they were under the sea right?

i suppose the problem i also have is that this show will NOT hurry up. normally i love filler stuff but ...the characters are too.....cheery. too flat. their quirks are fun and funny until they’re literally character flaws.

are the horde just literally attacking civilians? jezus. the war crimes. how did shadowweaver ever expect to trick Adora when she was released into the field?

‘you can’t just keep going off on your own!’ - SHE LITERALLY SAVED THE WHOLE FUCKING TOWN. SHE’S THE QUEEN! EVERYBODY SHOULD LISTEN TO HER! lolololol

the problem with Adora’s points is that everything about their dynamics are always so nebulous. why cant glimmer keep showing up to help out? WHY??? she’s the most capable fucking soldier in the field! she’s supposed to have full fucking authority! like, Adora isn’t in the right here. the problem is that her needling is only a symptom of her worries - which is that Glimmer doesn’t trust her any more. but the needling does NOTHING but make her seem like an idiot

i do love this trope reversal here - Seahawk deliberately damselling them to let the princesses save the boys? pffft

love catra getting the consequences for her actions regarding Scorpia. You can’t keep lashing out at people and expect them to stay my dear cat.....

oooohhh Glimmer.... you’re treading close to very hurtful territory. Blaming Adora for the Rebellion failing? for things she couldn’t do anything about? stupid.

really?? you’re really gonna fucking fight-resolution BLOCK ME? are you FUCKING kidding me? edging me for the whole GODDAMN SEASON??? and finally Adora cries at Glimmer going over the line????  fuckin I HATE the narrative decisions in this stupid show I FUCKING HATE THEM FUCK THESE WRITERS GOD FUKCING DAMMIT!!! this has been the whole GODDAMN SHOW!!!!!! ARGHGHGHGHGHGH

i’ve been waiting for a fucking resolution for Adora and Catra the whole! goddamn! SHOW! NOTHING! else matters! you do the exact same for glimmer and adora and now you let it fester again??? because of some no-stakes BULLSHIT? just give me the fucking godddamn PAYOFF for watching these kids be IDIOTS.

this fight on the boat is COOL and really wonderfully animated

really? Glimmer’s response to Adora being hurt and not wanting to be TOUCHED is to be angry herself? what a fucking IDIOT. god i can’t stand this. I CAN’T STAND IT

is this how people act? do they never take a moment to breathe and think and reflect and realise their priorities and take a step back and fucking apologise?

jezus FUCKING! CHRIST!

‘no matter what glimmer thinks of me’ oh that HURTED. oh damn. that’s so relatable. it’s a way to run, it’s a way to internalise the hurt and then prove the things that hurt wrong. the one that hurt you

I know Bo is supposed to be the emotionally intelligent one but he’s also too soft. He should go up to his friends individually and ask them the sharp questions. not - ‘communicate more positively’.

I just like Adora so much better when she’s alone. Her friendships’ positive moments are always so sappy or so....like over-exaggerated, the negative moments always so fucking annoying. Alone, Adora is generally driven, tragic, and cool. the problem is perhaps that i don’t care for the constant fucking drama

god i LOVE Mara so much - she’s so beautiful. and i LOVE learning more about the Old Ones. So they were trying to study Ehteria’s magic.... but then Bright Moon and the princesses were already here. The Magic-Like systems of the Old Ones are pure tech.

wow! even Mara’s transformation is way cooler.

so why was the first one’s tech (she ra) responsive to the magic? why does Raz know about She-Ra? when she ra is first ones tech????

WAIT ONE SECOND. She-Ra is ‘magic’ ??? it’s the SWORD that’s the first one’s tech! She-Ra is Etheria’s magic ! but how if the First Ones chose Mara. Did they steal She-Ra from Etheria?

so what im getting is that. the Old Ones colonised Etheria. Etheria has magic, and when Mara was chosen they made that girl an elite soldier - giving her a first one’s tech sword so she could ‘control’ Etheria’s magic. Then Mara was told to study the magic of Etheria - the ship implying that she’d not been on the planet before. then they created a Heart of Etheria project - which will probably turn the magic into a weapon. this was going to be used against Hordak Prime, im sure. I mean, Mara saved Etheria, but she did doom the rest of the universe to...extinction.... like, judging from Hordak’s strategy, Hordak Prime just literally exterminates planets and repopulates them with his clones....

But why would the planet choose a girl from amongst the colonisers - twice?

OOOHHH that anguished scream. i love anguished screams

why dont they put fucking safety belts in these ships. it’s not like the ship didn’t survive. only Mara got splatted (i guess)

also i love Mara. but damn Adora just got some more shit on her plate. why the fuck was she pushed through a portal again? for a She-Ra chain reaction?

I love madame Raz.

So they didn’t explicitly use it against Hordak Prime. and it wouldn’t have destroyed Etheria back then but it will now...

guh this showmakes it so hard to enjoy catra’s pain.

well they did finally have a good talk about it. I have to say, Glimmer is making good strategic sense - it’s just that this show only rewards harebrained schemes

Catra having a crazy panic attack cos she can’t find Scorpia and she’s completely lost and she knows its her fault. kinda love that for her. my heart

my dear Glimmer, theres a difference between absence of trust and absence of agreement.

they’re bringing king micah back just when angella is dead? oh fuckin lol

the horde....exiled micah? they exiled Micah instead of killing him???

why do they ALWAYS interrupt important conversations? i hate that shit. it’s cheap. it’s unsatisfying.

now THIS is what im here for - that unstoppable WILL!! john gonzalez is right - we watch stories for characters overcomign obstacles. writing, is creating the obstacle course. .....what does that say about me and my life....hmmm.

‘light hope told me everything i need to know’ - uhhh no she didn’t. she didn’t tell you how to harness the energy at all. ugh

how the fuck did double trouble escape. seems to me that they didn’t actually. they were let go....

it’s always so stupid when people try to tell other people: oh no you’ve got no plan - this is too risky! when that’s NEVER a problem

Glimmer is going to activate the weapon just in time for Hordak Prime to use it. And naturally she misses the return of her dad. fuck this

they’re gonna have Hordak and Catra fight? hmm

Double Trouble is right - this IS good for her - and it IS Catra - except for Shadowweaver’s case - she was an abusive bitch

I love Scorpia’s new cool fight music and also glowy eyes

is glimmer going to throw herself into lava??

the unfortunate thing is that Hordak Prime is right on the doorstep and he took over the whole universe or whatever. so they could probably have used that weapon. i mean the Old Ones must have seen something coming. there must be a reason they’re all GONE maybe????

why did Adora assume that all those stars would be destroyed?

THE ANIMATION ON THAT FINAL STUFF WAS INCREDIBLE AND EPIC

how the fukc are they going to beat Horde Prime lolololol.

i guess Glimmer really shouldn’t have done that. but at least she was in time to bond with Catra.

[theasstour]

0110. Larghetto elegico.

Wednesday, 8 April 2015

FIC PAGE | CHAPTER SYMPHONY | WORD COUNT: 8k

NB: explicit language, mentions of alcohol

All the doors in the flat were open. The one to the kitchen, the one leading upstairs and to the hallway, and every single one leading into every single room. Ian was using his speakers, blasting a Maroon 5 song and singing at the top of his lungs in the kitchen while everyone else were packing up their rooms. Y/N stood by her pinboard, taking the photos of her family, home, and friends down. She placed all of them into a folder along with her year 1 timetables, map of campus, and everything else that had helped her room seem a little more hers the time she lived there. Taking a step back, she studied her empty wall, sighing to herself as she felt a small lump form in her throat. Though she was happy to finally be moving out of Westbridge and into a house with her very good friends, she would miss it as well. This had been the first place she had managed to live on her own, her own space. She would never forget the yellow walls, the dodgy carpeted floors, and the creaky kitchen chairs.

Putting her throw over her beddings, Y/N placed one of her suitcases on her bed, opening it so she could start filling it up with all of her belongings. She opened her closet first, taking all of the clothes out that she wouldn’t need for the remaining of her time at Westbridge. Folding them neatly, she placed them one by one into the suitcase, humming along to the music and smiling as she heard Tiana and Finn’s laughters from down the corridor.

She remembered her first day at Westbridge, being so scared and feeling so far out of her comfort zone that it was impossible for her not to be constantly shaking because she was always on edge. She remembered always keeping her door locked and never socialising, and when she looked at her door now, wide open and all her flatmates milling about outside, Y/N suddenly felt very proud of herself. She had managed to come out of her introvert shell a little, feeling a little more comfortable around people she barely knew and even those she didn’t know at all. Never before had she been this as peace, not as on edge as she had always been before. Of course, she would always be anxious at all times to some degree, but now it had calmed down and it was easier for her to think clearly. Easier to give herself enough credit that she had genuine friends now that cared for her, or that in the end, everything would work out just fine. Because even though most of year 1 academically had kicked her ass, she had also found new ways to study to better herself, or new ways for her to focus better during lectures. Y/N was very ready for year 2 at Battersea, but she was also massively looking forward to summer break.

“How’s it going, hun?” Tiana asked as she walked into Y/N’s room, stepping over one of the already packed bags.

“Need to finish packing my clothes.” Y/N answered. “And then I’ll leave some for tomorrow as well. Meeting Teresa later so we can practise our set for Friday.”

“Oh yea!” Tiana sat down on the pillows at the top of Y/N’s bed, the little space left after her suitcase almost took up most of it. “You’re performing at The Junction on Friday!”

Y/N nodded, smiling at Tiana.

“Nervous about it?” Finn questioned, sitting down in the chair by Y/N’s desk.

“More nervous than I have been for anything ever.” Y/N said. “Afraid I’m going to make a right dimwit of myself while playing.”

“What are you talking about? Of course you won’t!” Tiana frowned at her flatmate. “You’re an amazing violinist.”

“You’ve never heard me play before.”

“Don’t need to hear you play to know you’re the best there is.” Tiana smiled. “What are you playing, by the way?”

“We’re going to start with Stubborn Love by The Lumineers.” Y/N said, getting more clothes out of her closet, putting those that were already folded into the suitcase right away. “And then Rather Be by Clean Bandit and-“

“-Did someone say Rather Be?” Ian asked, dancing into Y/N’s room with his speaker and phone in his hands. The song mentioned was playing and Spencer – walking behind Ian - shook his head as he almost tripped over the packed bag on the floor. Spencer sat down on the desk and Ian by the sink, turning the volume down at Finn’s request.

“We’ll all be there you on, Y/N.” Tiana reassured, smiling at Y/N who smiled back.

“I’m actually well excited about tomorrow.” Ian admitted. “Having a pint while chilling with my mates and my other mate is in charge of entertainment? Sound time.” He sighed, a slower song now playing from the speakers by his side. “It’ll be the last time the flat is properly hanging out together, won’t it? Neither Finn nor Y/N are coming back for exams in May as they don’t have any. Won’t ever chill out like this ever.”

“It’s going to be weird for sure.” Finn agreed. “Gotten so used to this shit hole now.”

“You’re all getting so sad for nothing.” Tiana rolled her eyes, watching as Y/N continued to pack her things. “We’ll hang out together again, just not as regularly.”

“I’ll have to take the trip from Cambridge,” Spencer said. “Won’t even live in London.”

“I cannot believe you’re dropping out.” Finn looked at Spencer to his left. “I mean, good for you, bruv, you know what you want and all that, but I just thought Business was right up your alley. You seem like the guy to.”

“Business is right up my alley, but I just didn’t like this specific course. Too broad, too modules things I didn’t care for. I’ll have to specify my course a little more when I apply for unis next year.” Spencer put one of his legs up on the desk, resting his arm on his knee. “It’s hard choosing a career path, especially at such a young age, you know what I mean?”

Everyone nodded and Y/N closed her suitcase, zipping it up before putting it on the floor and sitting down in her bed with Tiana.

“Feels kind of weird thinking about that I have to choose a job I’ll have to be working at for the rest of my life in the field I’m studying now.” Ian said, staring out into thin air as his mind wandered off somewhere else.

“Let’s not think about that now.” Tiana said, slapping her hands against her thighs. “Let’s chat about our first year at uni. It’s gone by so crazy fast.”

“Been bonkers.” Finn nodded, smiling a bit. “Met so many amazing people so fast, and still have three years to go. It’s bloody insane.”

“Uni has been challenging, and it’s going to get much worse as the years go by, I can only assume.” Tiana said, a smile slowly etching its way across her lips. “But so far it’s also been amazing. Think that’s why it’s gone so fast as well.”

“Any of you remember that first time we went to BOP together?” Spencer asked, groans emitting from everyone followed by laughter. “Disastrous.”

“Well, not really.” Ian chimed in, frowning.

“We weren’t even hanging together as a flat, which was the whole point of going in the first place.” Spencer frowned back.

Ian shrugged. “Snogged a well fit woman that I still don’t know the name of. A brilliant night for me.”

Y/N’s phone vibrated on her desk, making Spencer look down at it abruptly as it had clearly startled him a little. Making to get up out of bed to get it, Finn took the phone and gave it to Y/N, who smiled gratefully in return. The chatter was still going on around Y/N as she looked down at her illuminated screen. She smiled instantly. The butterflies deep inside her soul and tummy started fluttering their wings as they always did as the sight or sound of his name.

Harry A little bird whispered in my ear earlier today.

Y/N tried not to giggle and make it very obvious that she was texting Harry. Though she knew Tiana would catch her being all flustered and quiet at some point.

Y/N What’d the little bird say?

Harry That your birthday was three weeks ago.

Biting her lip, Y/N closed her phone and tried to engage in the conversation going around her room. Though her head was so far away, thinking about brown curls and green eyes only, so it was hard to hear all the words being spoken clearly, and not as if she was flying around her room in a bubble, hearing only muffled sounds. Her phone vibrated again.

Harry March 11th.

Y/N Never really cared for my birthday if I’m honest. It’s no big deal.

Harry It is to me.

Y/N couldn’t help but feel her heart swell a little at that text. Harry really felt that way? Her birthday was a big deal to him? It seemed so unrealistic for someone other than her family to really know when her birthday was, and to genuinely care and remember that information. Tiana was the only other one who knew when Y/N’s birthday was, and one Y/N had told her not to make a big scene on her birthday, Tiana had respected that completely and only called to have a chat when Y/N went home to celebrate with her family. It wasn’t that Y/N was keeping her birthday away from anyone, she would just much rather not get the attention her birthday would bring. Her phone vibrated again.

Harry The woman I’m crushing on’s birthday was a few weeks ago and I didn’t get her a card, flowers, or present. Unacceptable.

Y/N Harry, you don’t have to get me anything.

Harry Maybe not, but it isn’t about feeling like I have to. You’re a priority, not an obligation.

Y/N almost gasped, Harry’s words having its effect on her as they always had

“Okay,” Tiana nudged Y/N with her toe. “Who’re you talking to?”

“Ehh, no one.”

“Tell Ehh No One that they can wait. You’re spending time with us now.” Tiana smiled, and Y/N instantly felt a little bad that she had zoned so completely out of their conversation that she didn’t even know what the group was chatting about now.

Y/N Hanging out with the flat. Chat later x

Harry Whenever you have the time, darling. Xxx

Y/N closed her phone then, putting it under her thigh as Tiana crawled over to her, resting her head on Y/N’s shoulder. They fell into conversation with the lads again, talking till Ian’s speaker went out of battery an everyone’s tummies started grumbling. Though Y/N was physically in her room, talking to all her flatmates, her mind was somewhere else entirely. It was somewhere in Cotton Row; somewhere where a beautiful brown-haired bloke sat alone in his room doing nothing. Whenever she would catch herself slipping away to think about Harry and him texting her, she would pull herself right back to reality with all her friends. They had been right, it would be a while till they would all be hanging out like this away, so Y/N had to be present while she still could.

At last, they all decided to go to the kitchen and make some dinner in half an hour, but to just tidy theirs rooms properly first beforehand. As the lads walked out, Tiana remained in Y/N’s room, and judging by the very serious expression on her face, Y/N closed the door.

“You okay, T?” Y/N sat down in her bed again, facing her best friend.

Tiana looked over at Y/N, a little lost for a few seconds before she opened her mouth. “I need to tell you what happened with Danny.”

Y/N had almost forgotten completely about him, but by the tone of Tiana’s voice it was clear that was far from her case. With her eyes closed for a few seconds, breathing in and out to calm down, Tiana tried to find the correct words.

“You deserve to know.”

“If you don’t want to tell me, Tiana-“

“-I do. I want you to know because you’re the only one besides myself I want to know about this.” Tiana explained, hand resting against her chest as she talked. “I trust you to know every single little detail about me. To know me well.”

Y/N smiled encouragingly, taking Tiana’s hands to tell her by touch that she was there with her. It took some time for Tiana to open her mouth and talk, but once she finally did, Y/N seemed to finally understand the whole picture. As Y/N rubbed her thumbs over Tiana’s hands, watching her calm down with each stroke, Y/N knew that she had to be patient for Tiana to tell her. No use pushing her for information she would eventually receive.

“I told Danny about the pregnancy scare in November.” Tiana started, looking at something behind Y/N. “About how you came to the clinic with me, and that if he wanted he could even see the test results if he wanted to.”

Y/N frowned.

“Just so he wouldn’t start asking about them later, which I kind of knew he would anyway.” Tiana shrugged. “Anyway, I…” She stopped, collecting herself for a few seconds before she went on. “I went to his flat to tell him and he lost his mind. So I said what had been on my mind for weeks by that point, something I was certain of, and that was… that I loved him.”

Y/N’s entire body hurt thinking about this whole scene. Tiana laying herself bare in front of Danny.

“And of course he didn’t say it back.” Tiana laughed a little. “Because why would he fall in love with his fuck buddy, right? Why get emotionally attached to someone when you can remain ice cold?”

“T…” Y/N sighed, feeling Tiana tighten the grip she had on her hands.

“So, to sum up:” Tiana looked at Y/N, trying to smile, but it failed to meet her eyes. “I told Danny about thinking I was pregnant, but that I wasn’t, and he freaked out. Then I told him I loved him, and he stopped freaking out to tell me he didn’t feel the same way.”

Y/N was silent, not really knowing what the appropriate thing would be to say in a situation like this one.

“Told me this always happened to him and he didn’t know what he was doing wrong for all the birds he fucked to fall in love with him.” Tiana’s glance was distance as she was undoubtably reliving the whole scene in her head. “Asked me if it was something specific he did, and I just told him I didn’t know why I love him. I told him I just did, that it had come out of nowhere, my feelings.” She closed her eyes. “And then I did the mistake of asking what he would have done had I been pregnant.”

Y/N knew she’d hate he answer.

“’Would’ve left. I’m not old enough to have a kid, I’m still in uni’, he said.” Tiana opened her eyes again, not looking at Y/N as she continued. “When I teared up, he stood there in silence not comforting me or talking to me, just waiting for me to leave. I have never felt more worthless than I did after that. I’m so glad it was close to Christmas so I could go home to my family and forget about uni for a bit. Would never forget about you, Y/N, but…” Tiana sighed, looking at Y/N now. “Sometimes I wish I could start uni all over again so I would’ve made the decision not to talk to Danny ever. Would’ve made myself stay far away from that wank-stain.”

Y/N saw the blankness in Tiana’s eyes, and the pool of tears that were forming at the bottom of them. Leaning in, Y/N embraced Tiana and brought her close into a tight hug. It took a minute or two for Tiana to finally cry into Y/N’s shoulder, to repeat over and over again ‘I wish I’d never met him’ or ‘I hate him so much’. It broke everything within Y/N into a million tiny little pieces. To know someone had hurt her best friend this bad for her still to be sad about it even months after, it took everything for Y/N not to cry with her. She had to be strong now and show Tiana that she was there for her, that she always had her shoulder to cry on whatever happened. They heard the lads walking into the kitchen to make some dinner together, but Tiana and Y/N stayed back until Tiana’s cheeks were try, eyes less red, and until her spirits were back up again. Well, till her spirits were somewhat back to normal. Y/N got a few tissues and dried Tiana’s cheeks, shushing her when she started to speak. They were going to sit in silence until Tiana’s sobs that shook shaking her body like a hiccup every few seconds, had stopped. Only then were they ready to walk into the kitchen and to the others.

“Thank you,” Tiana almost whispered. “For listening and being here for me.”

“Always, Tiana.” Y/N said, throwing the tissues at her bin, but missing massively. Both of them laughed a little, though Tiana was quick to look down at her hands as she opened her mouth, then closed it again. Opened, then closed.

“Could not hold it in for any longer.” Tiana said, looking at Y/N. “Know I do not owe you an explanation for anything or to share everything with you, but I want to.”

Their hands found one another, intertwining instantly.

“Best friends don’t have secrets.” Tiana smiled.

It took a second before Y/N smiled back. “Best friends don’t have secrets.”

Friday, 10 April 2015

The Junction was an old pub in Battersea, London, a one-minute walk from Clapham Junction. It was dimly lit, with tellies in each corner for sport events, and old grunge dark wooden floors, tables, chairs, and bar counter. In one end stood the small stage live acts performed, while everywhere else was occupied by run-down furniture and loud laughter. It smelled old when you entered, as if the building had been standing for hundreds of years, and Y/N thought that might just be the case. It was a friendly place, the second Y/N and Teresa stepped through the door, the woman working behind the bar gave them a wide smile. Teresa walked up to introduce them, and while she was talking, Y/N looked around the pub. It was still too early in the afternoon for groups to come have a pint with their mates, but a few old men sat by one of the windows leading to the busy St John’s Hill outside, cars and people rushing by to get home for the weekend.

It wasn’t even busy yet, but as Y/N surveyed the room, taking in every detail about the place and every seating area where someone would sit later, she felt her heart beating uncomfortably loudly in her ears. She balled her hands into fists in her cardigan pockets, trying to tell herself that everything would be alright. Just close your eyes and don’t think about how many people will be watching you. But it was impossible not to think about all those people that would be watching, all those eyes that would be studying her every move and analysing her body and clothes and… and… just her in general. Sometimes Y/N wondered why she had chosen to study music at all, because it was inevitable that she would end up performing in front of people all her life.

Closing her eyes for a few seconds, she tried to calm herself down by repeating ‘you’ve come so far, you’ve grown so much, the nerves will be over in no time if you just relax’. Though she had come out of her shell a little when attending uni, her stage fright never seemed would truly ever go away no matter how hard she tried. She would always be an anxious person. Opening her eyes, she looked at calm Teresa who was already looking at Y/N, giving her that relaxed and encouraging smile she so often gave her. Good thing, Y/N thought, I’m doing this with Teresa.

The bartender - Glenda her name was – helped the girls set everything up. She asked loads of questions about their uni experience and which songs they planned on playing. An incredibly nice woman, Y/N thought to herself, smiling as Glenda told a joke Teresa found hilarious. The brown-haired woman, whose hair was greying at the roots, walked back behind the bar counter as someone else walked into the pub. Following the two older men was familiar faces, though, and Y/N’s smile broaden instantly.

“I’m your biggest fan!” Finn said a bit too loudly, running over to stand before the stage where Teresa and Y/N were. “Can I please have a picture?!”

“The cringiest man alive, innit?” Tiana rolled her eyes, but laughed once Finn rolled his eyes back at her. “How are you girls doing? Been rehearsing at all yet?”

“Not yet.” Teresa said. “Think we’re just going to jump straight into it, wouldn’t you say, Y/N?” She looked over at Y/N who nodded, biting her lips together.

“You’ll be amazing, Y/N.” Spencer smiled, giving her a wink before him and Ian walked over to the bar to get something to drink.

“Nothing to be scared about, yea?” Finn said. “Imagine you’re just the two of you rehearsing.”

Y/N nodded again, taking a deep breath.

“Where’s Annie?” Teresa asked Tiana.

“Went home to Linton earlier today, think she might’ve forgotten about you lot’s performance, to be honest. But don’t take it to heart.”

“You going home to Hawkley after this?” Finn asked Y/N as Teresa and Tiana started up their own conversation beside them.

Y/N nodded, crossing her arms over her chest. “My family will drive once my little brother is done college for the day.”

Finn smiled. “I’ve yet to meet that man, bet he’s a proper lad.”

“The best person I know.”

“Even better than me?” Finn furrowed his brows as if offended and placed both his hands on his chest.

Y/N laughed and so did he.

“Tough choosing between the two of you, not going to lie.” Y/N smiled, scratching at something on her shoulder blade. “You going Brighton after this then?”

“Nah,” Finn shook his head, showing his hands into his jean pockets. “I’ll go home tomorrow. Told mum I would stay another week at uni just to say goodbye to everyone and to the flat and stuff before we leave for the summer. Going to surprise her by just knocking on the door at home and startling her.”

“Startle her?”

“Yea.” Finn chuckled. “Going to either like jump out from the bush by the front door or scream in her face.”

“Oh my goodness.” Y/N said, making Finn laugh. “You’re the worst kind of son.”

“But she’s going to be happy to see me. Both my mums would forgive me for scaring the living shit out of them.”

Y/N nodded. “’Both your mums’?” She realised that it was probably a weird thing to focus on, him saying that, because his parents might be divorced, and she might’ve poured some salt on unhealed wounds.

“Got two mums.” Finn explained, smiling proudly. “Dad died when I was very young, and mum found the second love of her life in someone else. Been raised by them two ever since.”

Y/N smiled, hearing Finn talk to highly of all his three parents calming her nerves for her performance and making her focus on something else entirely.

“You’ve got to meet them, they’re the loveliest people you’ll ever talk to.”

“Then you’ve got to come camping in Hawkley, right by the lake on the outside of my parents’ property.-“

“-Shut up, Y/N, that would be fucking sick.” Finn grinned. “Boys, you heard that?” Finn nudged Tiana, both her and Teresa looking at him. “Y/N suggested we camp together. Sounds like a sound time?”

“Oh, my God, yes!” Tiana gasped, beaming. “Could we sit in that boat on your lake then?”

“Sure.”

“I’m so excited already!”

“Could do a small tour then.” Finn suggested, looking back at Y/N. “Camp at yours for a few days, then take the train to Brighton, then back up to London.”

“What about Bath?” Tiana asked, furrowing her brows at Finn. “What about my hometown?”

“We going to visit everyone’s hometowns, you mean? Will be a bit of a trek travelling all the way up north to Manchester for Harry, won’t it?”

And just as his name was mentioned and the two of them started discussing all of this, the door into The Junction opened again. Wade walked first, Sai following right on his heels and Harry last. Wade looked over his shoulder to talk to his two mates, making Sai laugh at something as the two of them walked toward Finn by the stage. Harry was quiet however, only the slightest smile on his face as he caught Y/N’s eye. As he strolled toward her, Y/N took this time to study all of him, something she rarely let herself do as it would only boost his already enormous ego. He was wearing a black tee shirt tucked into black trousers, his infamous chain hanging from the free belt hoops. His trainers were stark white, standing in huge contrast to the rest of his outfit and his black leather satchel, the strap hanging on his left shoulder, draping over his chest till it rested on his hip. He always dressed so incredibly well, all his clothes looking expensive and luxurious. Made Y/N wonder about his parents and how much money he grew up with, because it had obviously been a very rich household.

Y/N looked down at her own outfit, feeling like she hadn’t dressed up for this at all. A mustard button up mini skirt reaching mid-thigh and wrapping around her hip, white milkmaid top tucked into it, and her white Vans. She had a grey cardigan as well, but it was resting on top the violin case behind her, she didn’t see the point in wearing it as she was already sweating heaps at the thought of performing. It was an incredibly warm day in April, and though it had been quite windy on the walk here, the sun was still warm on Y/N’s skin the whole way. Teresa was wearing an orange crop top with blue jeans, and the whole gang seemed to be dressed for summer as all the long sleeves were gone, bare skin on display for the sun to do its work. The sun shone in through the window of The Junction, lighting up the already dark interior.

“Finnster.” Sai said, placing both his hands on Finn’s shoulders. “Looking bloody dashing as ever.”

“Was wondering if my bum looked good in these jeans.” Finn looked over his shoulder, attempting to get a good look at his arse. “If I attracted your attention, I would assume it did.”

Sai howled with laughter while Finn greeted both Harry and Wave with some weird handshake-hug all men seemed to do when they met their mates. As soon as Harry had said his hello to Finn, he glanced back at Y/N, the conversation between the rest already going. Spencer and Ian finally walked over to the gang, hugging the new arrivals, but Harry didn’t even seem to notice them. He smiled up at Y/N, resting one of his hands on the strap by his chest.

“Hi.” He said, voice as soft as velvet.

Y/N smiled back. “Hi.”

“Alright?”

“Nervous, you?”

Harry let out a small chuckle. “About performing?”

Y/N nodded, letting her arms fall to her sides. “Never really done it in front of an audience like this before, don’t know how people are going to react or if they’ll even listen at all.”

“You’re scared people won’t listen?” Harry raised his eyebrows, not mockingly but out of pure curiosity.

Y/N chuckled a little at herself. “Isn’t it weird?” She asked. “I’m both scared people won’t listen to me because I’ve been preparing for this for weeks, but also terrified that people will.”

“It’s not weird.” Harry shook his head twice. “You’re just nervous about first time performing at a pub. Normal to be a bit disoriented and out of it when it’s your first time doing anything.”

“Think so?”

“Yea.” Harry smiled again. “Wouldn’t be fun if everything you ever did didn’t make you at least a little uncomfortable at first. What’s life without a little challenge, yea?”

“Can’t say I agree. Don’t really like challenging myself.”

Harry laughed. “Well, enjoy challenging yourself today when you perform.”

Y/N ran both hands through her hair, smiling a little at Harry. “I won’t enjoy it the least bit at first, but hopefully I’ll ease into it at some point.”

“That’s my girl.”

Y/N’s heart did a loop and stopped for a second before she regained consciousness, staring into Harry’s green eyes that she ever got tired of studying the shade of. That’s my girl. Y/N swallowed, the tips of her fingers tingling to touch him. She yearned to feel his torso under her fingertips as she had done in the study room weeks ago. Longed for him so close to her that they mingled into one, floating together into a universe neither of them knew the name of but loved all the same. Missed his lips, even though they had only kissed once. It felt so overwhelming and weird for Y/N to want someone this bad, but it was impossible for her to even try to stop herself from admitting just how completely Harry had gotten to her.

“Y/N-“ Harry started, but was quickly interrupted by Sai.

“-Mate, you owe me a pint from last weekend. I’m thirsty.”

“Fine.” Harry said, giving Y/N one last glance before he walked over to the bar with Sai who clapped his hands together, ready to pick out the beer he wanted.

“It’s time.” Teresa said, and Y/N noticed for the first time in a while that the pub had started to fill up quite a bit. It was 6pm now, people were either at home eating dinner or on their way out for a drink with their friends. Y/N turned around and got the violin out of its case, placing it on her shoulder. Behind Teresa stood Y/N’s note stand, and she glued her eyes to the notes she had learned by heart over the last few weeks. Just to make sure she knew all of them and that she wouldn’t screw everything up. She noticed her hands shaking and sweat forming by the edge of her hairline and cupid brow.

“Hey,” Teresa whispered, the others having gone to sit down in one of the booths by the windows nearby. “It’s going to be okay, yea? You’re okay.”

Y/N nodded. And bringing her bow up to her violin, she started playing Stubborn Love by The Lumineers. Her eyes instantly fell closed, she was not for the life of her going to see anyone’s expressions as she played. She knew Teresa was watching her and probably the rest of her gang as well, and even though Y/N knew they would mean no harm and would most likely be impressed, she couldn’t help thinking they would be underwhelmed.

“She’ll lie and steal and cheat, and beg you from her knees, make you think she means it this time.” Teresa sang, voice as graceful as ever. “She’ll tear a hole in you, the on you can’t repair. But I still love her, I don’t really care.”

With her eyes closed, it was easy for Y/N to escape her body and The Junction and all the eyes on her as she created music. Suddenly she was floating along the notes on the paper she knew was right there if she dared open her eyes; she was flying along with the waves of emotion music could manifest. Undoubtably swaying along with the music, Y/N almost felt herself smiling. It was so liberating to create temporary art; art that wasn’t there to be seen, but to be heard, felt, and experienced. The nervousness she had felt earlier died down a little as they finished the song and the entire bar erupted into applause and hoots and whistles. Y/N opened her eyes and looked over at Teresa who was already beaming at her. She smiled as well.

“Thank you.” Teresa said into the microphone. “This next song is Blackbird by The Beatles.”

The two shared a few seconds looking at each other to make sure both were ready. Y/N started playing the second song of their set, closing her eyes this time as well. Teresa sang her heart out and Y/N played to the same effect. The two girls worked well together, knowing each other’s strengths and weaknesses, and it was clear that they understood each other as musicians as well as people. Never did Y/N open her eyes, but after a month and more just practising these songs every day and knowing them well, she didn’t really have to. Once she remembered a music sheet, she’d remembered it till the day she died. They were soon halfway through their set which meant they’d get a break. As she lowered her violin when they were done, the whole bar clapping once again, Y/N heard the door into the pub creak open but didn’t pay it much attention. Hunching down to put the violin back into its case, she turned back around to an older man standing by the booth her friends were sitting in. Teresa was getting her purse so she could buy something to eat and drink, but Y/N couldn’t move as she watched Harry get up from his corner seat.

The older man’s hair was a dark shade of grey, wearing a blue business suit and carrying a folder of sorts. He looked serious, turning around as Harry stood so he could walk outside. Harry followed, not even sparing Y/N or the rest of the group a second glance. He seemed tense, shoulders set higher than they usually were and his hands in the pockets of his black trousers. Y/N felt a weird sense of something being wrong. Very wrong. Harry and the man stopped outside the front of the pub, and through the right side windows, Y/N could see the man talking to Harry in a tone Y/N knew she didn’t like.

“Ready for a bite, Y/N?” Teresa asked, but once she saw Y/N staring out the window at Harry she abruptly stopped. “What’s up? Who’s that?”

Y/N shook her head. “Don’t know.”

They both watched as the older man gave the folder over to Harry who opened it discreetly, looking inside at its contents. Y/N couldn’t see Harry’s facial expressions, only the back of his head, and it was near killing her because her curiosity was about to get the better of her. Getting her cardigan and putting it on, she walked over to her mates, Teresa following close behind.

“You are amazing!” Finn grinned. “Let me buy you both a cocktail, yea?”

“Whose Harry talking to?” Y/N asked, motioning with her thumb over her shoulder.

“His dad.” Sai said, gripping at his slight beard. “Weird bloke.”

Y/N frowned a little, crossing her arms again.

“If you want to find out for yourself what’s going on, Harry has my wallet in his purse.” Finn said, pointing towards the door.

“It’s called a satchel, not a purse.” Tiana corrected, making Finn repeat her only in an exaggerated high-pitched voice.

“Want to go out there or not? Want me to?” Finn raised his eyebrows at Y/N, and though she would never do this usually, the whole situation didn’t sit right with her and she needed to know what was going on. So, nodding her head at Finn, Y/N turned around and walked toward the door of the pub. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to find out or if her feeling weird about all of this was even correct. What if it was all innocent and his dad had just come here to show him something? What if he was there for another reason that wasn’t sketchy at all? Maybe Y/N was just overthinking everything as she usually was? What if she was and her questioning Harry’s father’s intentions would cause Harry to doubt what he had with her? Y/N didn’t know what logic was as she stepped toward the door, placing her hand to it and pushing it open. She didn’t hear anything distinct at first, the trailer driving by muffling out most noise around her. But as it was driving away, a quieter street was left in its wake. And Y/N could finally hear what they were talking about.

“…just saying it- showing you this, because I want you to be aware.”

“And you don’t need to make me aware of anything.” Harry answered his dad in such a vicious tone it almost made Y/N wince. Slowly she stepped out into the street, looking over at Harry and his dad who were staring daggers at each other.

“I won’t throw these papers away. They hold-“

Harry’s dad stopped speaking once the door closed beside Y/N and his eyes landed on her. The seconds that followed when he looked her over and slowly glanced back at his son; the seconds Y/N thought somehow turned into hours.

“Y/N Rose Picot is here for you, Harry.” He said. “I will leave you to it.”

Without even sparing Y/N another glance, Harry’s dad turned on his heels and walked away, his back to them. Harry whipped around, wide eyes landing on Y/N and once he saw her, he instantly eased. The anger Y/N saw somewhere in his green irises evaporated, and he let go of a deep sigh.

“Harry,” Y/N said, palms sweaty as she balled them into fists by her side. “What’s going on?”

Harry shook his head. “Nothing, dad is just intense. Don’t worry about it.”

“He knew who I was.”

Harry stopped a little, as if he only just realised that his dad had said her full name. First, middle, and surname. “He’s just good with faces. He knows my friends from Facebook profile pictures.”

Y/N didn’t have a profile picture on Facebook.

“Does your father know who I am, Harry?” Y/N’s heart was beating so fast it was a wonder she was even standing by this point.

“He knows a lot of people, Y/N. Let’s go inside-“

“-Why does he know me?”

Harry frowned. “He keeps track of all my friends, that’s just the way he is. He’s a little fucked up, what do you want me to fucking say?”

Y/N frowned back, taking a step back from Harry. “Keeps track of your friends…?”

Harry just stared at Y/N, lips parted as if he knew what he had just said sounded not only shady, but incredibly messed up and not at all good in any way. Y/N took another step away from him, swallowing to maintain the calm she had kept up for so long. She didn’t know how she was going to make it through the second half of her and Teresa’s set because she couldn’t stop shaking.

“Like… if they’re good for you?”

“Y/N, there really is no use arguing about this.” Harry said, walking toward her, but she only walked away from him. Harry stopped, hurt crossing his face.

“Then tell me what this was all about and I’ll stop pressing you for information about it.”

Harry groaned, running a hand through his hair and completely messing it up. “I fucking won’t because it meant nothing.”

“Your father knows who I am!” Y/N was aware she was shouting; aware people were watching them from both inside the pub and from everywhere on the street. “And I’ve never met him before! Of course it means something!”

Harry fell quiet, only looking at Y/N in complete shock. She had never raised her voice about anything before, and hearing her be mad at him, upset about something he did, seemed to make everything about him freeze. Y/N completely forgot about Finn’s wallet as she walked inside and straight for the bar. Teresa and Tiana were quick to come over, both looking absolutely horrified. They stood on either side of Y/N, Tiana’s arm around her waist and Teresa holding her hand. Never had anyone seen Y/N this mad or shaken up because it rarely happened. Y/N didn’t get this upset about much, she was usually very good at hiding what she was thinking and feeling, but this had taken her so off guard that it was impossible for her not to have a reaction to all of this.

“Y/N.”

It was Harry. And Y/N didn’t even want to turn around to look at him.

“Y/N-“

“-Make him leave.” Y/N mumbled, only Tiana hearing it as she rested her chin on Y/N’s shoulder.

“Harry, you need to go.” Tiana said, voice soft as she didn’t yet know what had transpired between him and Y/N. Y/N didn’t know the look on Harry’s face as he walked over to the booth and gave Finn’s his wallet back. Didn’t know what he said to them when they asked what had happened. Didn’t know if he even looked back once he left the pub, on his way god knows where for a reason Y/N could never guess, she assumed. Both Teresa and Tiana asked what was going on, what Harry had said and why his father had been here. But Y/N only shook her head, defeated and confused and hurt. She closed her eyes and let out a shaky breath, trying to calm herself down enough to eat a proper meal and finish the set. Though she didn’t know how she was going to do that when what had just happened, Harry’s dad, and Harry, were all she could think about.

“Careful.” Allison said, voice stern as Edward walked up the small step and into Y/N’s university flat.

“Mum, I’ve used crutches before. I know how to use them.” He looked over at Y/N and rolled his eyes, only making Y/N smile back.

“Fully aware of that, honey, but I’m still scared you’ll fall over.”

“Does it look like I’m falling over?” Edward asked, making his way through the second door and into the downstairs corridor. Walking to his left and toward the open door into Y/N’s room, Y/N could make out a smile on her brother’s face. Most bags and suitcases were in the car already, only a single bag left that Y/N would be taking on her back after this. Edward stopped in the doorway, looking around first, trying to take it all in, Y/N supposed. Her brother walked further in on his crutches, limping as he did so, though he always did that because he leaned most of his body weight on his crutches. Edward had learned how to walk on crutches when he was 10, and had mastered it throughout the years. Though his parents rarely let him walk on crutches as they didn’t want him to fall and hurt. Everyone followed right after Edward, letting him look around the room Y/N had lived in for her first year at university. He walked over to her chair and sat down, groaning as he came in contact with the chair. Smiling, he glanced around the room and looked at her pinboard where she had hung his paintings and pictures of the two of them together. He stared at the bed she had laid in most times they had FaceTimed, and the mirror where she would send him a goodnight Snap with toothpaste foaming around her mouth.

“This is how you saw your flat when you first moved in, when you were sad I didn’t get to see your room.” Edward mused, looking over at Y/N sitting on the bare bed. “And now I get to see it like you first saw it.”

Y/N smiled, leaning over and taking her brother’s hand in hers, kissing it before just holding it and looking around. Their parents smiled at them and Allison brought her phone out, snapping a picture of the two in Y/N’s empty dorm room one first and last time. They had asked how the performance had gone when they picked her up by Clapham Junction, and Y/N had given them the simple answer, which was to not elaborate on the situation with Harry and everything in between. So she told them it had gone well, and gave them all a rundown of the songs she had played and Edward made her promise to play him some when they reached Hawkley that same evening. Y/N had smiled at him and nodded.

She lost herself in thoughts of Hawkley. Of the endless fields where endless possibilities awaited; in her boat by the lake when the sun would beam down on her and a book in hand, music playing from her phone; pushing Edward on the paths through the forest around their property and having the best time ever. She had missed her home, missed being in the country and not in the biggest city in the United Kingdom. It would be good for her to relax without the constant buzz around her, pressure from uni, and everything else in between. Sure, she would miss London to some extent, but right now she’d much rather be in Hawkley with her family. Where she belonged and would always belong. Where there was no Harry and no trace of what had happened at The Junction.

Y/N bit her lip together, not allowing herself to even think of Harry until she was safe at home in her room, about to go to bed, when she could cry for hours.

“Want me to take that bag for you, poppet?” George asked, pointing at the last bag on her bed.

“No, that’s quite alright, dad, I’ll take that one myself.” Y/N said, giving her father a smile as he helped Edward into a standing position. Her little brother had been so eager to see her room, and that was the whole point of bringing crutches and even being in here one last time. Y/N watched as Edward made his way out of her first home away from home, made sure everything was alright before she got to her feet and put the bag on her back. Placing the chair by her desk, leaning over to close her window one last time, and hunching down to get her doorstop from under the door, Y/N finally stood in her doorway by herself. She looked at her room, feeling a lump form in her throat again as she knew this would be the last time she’d have the chance to look at it and be here. Never would she tread into flat 34 of Westbridge Halls again. Never would she live with all these amazing people and complain about the mould in the kitchen again. Never would she play her violin in this room or write an essay by her desk.

She knew she would be happy in her new house next year, knew there was nothing to be sappy about. But Y/N hated change. More so, hated leaving something behind that she had much liked having around. So, inhaling deeply, allowing herself to smile as she looked at room 3 of flat 34 one last time, she stepped into the corridor, let the door fall shut, and locked it for the very last time.

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[theshatteredrose]

Turquoise Lotus Father (Treasure Seekers Saga 2) - Chapter 13 - Etrian Odyssey 5 Fanfiction

AN: Hope everyone is staying safe and at home, and I hope this chapter will prove to be a distraction during these crazy and fearful times. Enjoy reading~

Ao3 | Wattpad | FFNet

Chapter 13:

“Are you sure you’re up for this? You still look pale.”

Drayce paused at the steps that led into the Council Building and turned to give Blayke his attention. Ever the worry-wort, Blayke looked at him with a frown on his lips and a concern furrowed of his brow.

In all honesty, Drayce didn’t feel the greatest. He slept surprisingly well, hadn’t awoken once. It was likely due to the fact that Zohar had kept watch over him, which wasn’t as awkward as it probably should have been. But he still felt a little bit nauseous and had a headache from hell. Both side-effects of that sleeping tonic or whatever that was used on him last night.

But he needed to tell Ramus what had happened to the token and how they were robbed. And if Drayce himself didn’t go to inform him, then the little prince would just worry needlessly.

“I’m all right,” Drayce managed a reassuring smile. “Just a little tired due to…whatever they used on me last night. It’s quite potent. As if they have a botanist on their side as well.”

If it was at all possible, the frown on Blayke’s lips deepened. “I see…”

“I’m just glad they didn’t go after Faelen or Caelem again,” Drayce continued as he turned and moved toward the stairs. He, however, shot a grin over his shoulder at Blayke. “Besides, you pulled an all-nighter, too.”

Blayke snorted lightly. “I still don’t look like shit like you do.”

“Rude.”

Mid way up the stairs, Drayce paused again and turned to Blayke with a request in mind. “Hey, Blayke, don’t mention to Ramus what happened to me in the library last night. I don’t want to worry him.”

Blayke took a moment to consider that and finally uttered a sigh. “Fine.”

‘But if it happened again’ was left unsaid. But Drayce definitely heard it in his head, in Blayke’s voice and all. And Drayce hoped that it indeed didn’t happen again. But…if it had to, for whatever reason, he hoped that it happened to him, and no one else of his guild.

They fell into silence as they made their way up the grand stairs of the Council Hall and entered the foyer. Once more, there were a throng of explorers lining up to speak with Ramus, the prince dutiful as ever.

Remembering Ramus’ request to not bother to waste time in lining up, and ignoring the side-eyes of annoyance from explorers in said queue, the two of them skipped to the front. And immediately gained the young prince’s attention.

“Ah, you’re back,” Ramus greeted them with a smile, somewhat surprised to see them again so quickly. But he seemed pleased to see them nonetheless. Yet, his smile dimmed significantly as a flicker of concern appeared in his eyes. “…Is there something wrong?”

“Oh, just a long night,” Drayce instinctively responded as managed a smile in an attempt to ease the prince’s concerns. “Nothing to worry about. “

Blayke side-eyed him before he turned his full attention toward Ramus. “We need to have another little…chat. If you’re not busy.”

“Of course not,” Ramus immediately replied as he motioned toward the hall leading to his office. “Come.”

The path to Ramus’ office was taken in silence once more. And the scene of them as they shuffle in, taking seats before the large oak desk, and Ramus shutting the door quietly was becoming increasingly familiar, too.

“I assume that something…untoward happened?” Ramus asked as he took a seat at his desk, much like he had done yesterday.

Blayke roughly folded his arms across his chest as he decided to take the lead for this conversation. “I’ll explain it as frankly as possible.”

He then promptly launched into a short, precise near rant about what had occurred in the library last night. He kept his word, thankfully, about not telling Ramus about how Drayce was also…attacked (for a lack of a better word). Or how he was still feeling the effects of the sleep tonic or poison that they used on him.

As Blayke finished his explanation, Ramus nodded his head quietly. And the expression of worry on his face was quite obvious.

“That’s…unsettling,” he murmured.

Blayke managed to stifle the desire to snort, and instead nodded his head as he leaned back into his chair. “No kidding.”

Ramus’ gaze trailed down to stare at the top of his desk as he folded his hands idly in front of him. “These bandits are proving to be quite dangerous,” he said after a moment of silence. “I will ask the guards to keep a look out for them.”

“That may cause them to take even more drastic actions,” Blayke was quick to point out.

The frown on Ramus’ lips deepened and he nodded his head slowly. “That’s true…though, we simply cannot let them run amok within the city’s limits so freely. Though…they do have free range, as they say, within the labyrinths.”

That was true. The guards of the city couldn’t patrol every nook or corner of the labyrinths. And the official way to the third floor hadn’t even been discovered yet. Intrepid and inquisitive explorers would know more about the halls of the labyrinths than the guards who are confined to rules and regulations.

And it was difficult to prove events or even crimes that occurred with no willing witnesses.

After a moment of contemplative silence, Ramus shook his head as if to clear it. And lifted his gaze from his desk to turn toward Drayce. “Do you mind if I ask how your research of this Turquoise Lotus Father is going?”

Well, that was his cue to get involved in the conversation!

“Ah, we’ve found a few pieces of information. And there’s a few individuals involved.”

Drayce took a second or two to practically gather his wits despite the thumping headache and actually remember all the pieces of information that both Shashi and Caelem had reiterated to him. And then he had to think of the best method to explain all of that to Ramus.

“Turquoise Lotus Father created the weapon known as Shining Lotus in order to enter the Legendary War because his brother, known as Blood Lotus Brother, had been possessed by a dangerous blade known simply as Cursed Blade. We don’t know who created this Cursed Blade or why it forced him to fight alongside The Despot. But from what we can deduce, Turquoise Lotus Father achieved his goal of freeing his brother, but the Cursed Blade still existed. The Blade Brothers and their close friend, a therian known as Sorataki, helped them to hide the blade to prevent another from being possessed by it. However, there is a fourth party involved. Another who was jealous of the Shining Lotus and wants to gain control over the Cursed Blade. From what we understanding, they also hid the Shining Lotus and left clues behind for future generations to uncover should the Cursed Blade ever awaken again.”

Ah…Yeah, he was pretty sure that was everything!

Wow, talk about a word vomit, huh?

Ramus fell silent as he tried to take all the information in. It took him a few moments as, really, there was a lot to digest. And with four individual parties potentially involved (perhaps even more), there were a lot of factors to take into consideration, too.

“And those bandits are after the Cursed Blade?” Ramus finally asked cautiously with a slight frown. “So why are they collecting the tokens?”

Drayce shook his head. That was a very good question. And the fact that they were involved made the entire thing far more complicated and confusing.

“I’m not entirely sure,” he replied. “I’m fairly confident that the clues we’ve discovered are meant to lead us to the Shining Lotus. And yet, they also seem to be indicating the Cursed Blade.”

Ramus gave a slow nod of his head before a curious expression flickered across his face. “Perhaps it depends on the intention of those who discover the clues?”

“That’s…possible,” Drayce murmured.

Like with how the Moon Legacy was created with good intentions only for those good intentions to become lost to time. Perhaps the brothers and their friend believed that the treasure chest with the map would remain in the hands of dedicated ancestors, only for the true reason to be forgotten. Or even stolen.

He hadn’t considered that possibility. He would need to speak with Shashi about it when he returned to the Crescentia.

“I’m afraid I am unable to offer you much assistance this time round,” Ramus went on to say with genuine regret in his voice. “The records of the Legendary war are quite ancient and I’m ashamed to admit, that even we are missing many a piece. I scarcely found any information on my ancestor’s trusted generals.” He shook his head, truly disappointed as his gaze downcast toward his desk once more. “It’s shameful.”

“Don’t feel bad,” Drayce immediately said in an attempt to reassure the prince. “It’s been a thousand years. And well we’re here now. We might be able to fill in the missing pieces.”

Ramus lifted his gaze and looked toward Drayce. A small smile made its way to him lips as he nodded. “Hmm. It seems that your library has far greater resources than the one we have here at the council.”

Drayce returned the smile with a playful one of his own. “Honestly, I have no idea what we actually have in that library of mine.”

Ramus continued to look at Drayce for a while, his gaze studying him. A very light furrow appeared upon his brow. But that was soon lifted and an expression of regal politeness made its way on his features once again.

However, there was a sense…of worry in his gaze.

“…You’ve been working hard,” he said, his gaze trained completely upon Drayce. “I understand your determination to put an end to this, but…take care of yourself.”

Drayce felt a sense of guilt appear in the centre of his chest. But he quickly squashed as he focused on smiling reassuringly at Ramus once again. “I’m fine, don’t worry.”

Ramus’ face was passive, but his gaze remained the same. And he didn’t appear entirely convinced. Drayce must look as washed-out as he felt. He…would have to try harder next time. If there was a next time, of course.

“We should get going,” Blayke was the one to state, prompting putting an end to both the conversation and Ramus’ inspecting, worried gaze toward Drayce.

“Yes, I imagine you have some…planning to do,” Ramus agreed as he pushed back his chair and took to his feet to do his duty of holding the door for them.

Drayce took to his feet, too. Purposely moving at his usual pace and ignored the way his head spun ever so slightly from the sudden movement. “We’ll be sure to inform you immediately should anything else happen,” he promised before he and Blayke bid their farewells and left the office.

As they headed down the stairs and past the still rather impressive queue of explorers and locals alike, Blayke suddenly grasped Drayce by the shoulder. Drayce had thought it was because he wanted his attention. But it was likely because he also missed a step on the stairs, his head still annoyingly spinning.

“He’s observant,” he said.

“Yeah,” Drayce murmured around a sigh as he touched his forehead tiredly. “So much for not worrying him.”

As they walked toward the carriage boarding area located outside the Council Hall, Drayce suddenly remembered something he deemed important. And since they were out and about, they might as well add a little errand to their schedule.

“Wait,” Drayce said as he and Blayke headed toward an empty carriage. “We need to head to the market place and get some more Ariadne Threads. For just in case something like yesterday happens again.”

Blayke looked mildly annoyed, obviously feeling fussy and just wanted to get Drayce somewhere he deemed safe. Yet, he also saw merit in the minor detour. “Fine. I’ll go in,” he said as he pushed Drayce to the carriage door. “You stay here with the carriage. You’re still too pale looking.”

“Ah, I’m fine,” Drayce instinctively replied as he took his seat on one side of the carriage. “I’m feeling better than I did this morning, I promise.”

Blayke didn’t verbally reply to that, however the look he gave him spoke volumes. It was a look that Drayce had seen multiple times in his life. A look that stated that while he didn’t feel like arguing, he believed that he was right. And would argue if he had to.

And, honestly, Drayce didn’t feel like getting into a sparring match with the other. Besides, Blayke would feel better if he could just be all protective and such.

“Alright, you worry-wart, I’ll stay put,” Drayce relented as he settled into his seat.

Blayke soon directed the driver toward the market area of the city before he climbed in himself. He promptly sat on the other side of the carriage. The carriage soon moved into motion and as they rumbled along the stone-cobbled streets, Drayce reached into the pocket of his trousers to pull out some money.

He thankfully had the habit of keeping a few en in his pockets for such occasions. In addition to the money for the carriage ride, of course.

The carriage soon pulled up toward the entrance of the market place. And Blayke once again gave him a stern look.

“I’ll be right back,” he said.

Drayce stifled a chuckle. If he didn’t know his best friend as well as he did, that could have been taken as a threat. “And I’ll be right here,” he promised as he handed him the money necessary.

As Blayke slipped out of the carriage, pausing only a moment to tell the driver to wait for him, Drayce leaned his head back against the head support of his seat. He heard the door of the carriage close and the sound of footsteps outside.

After that, he began to idly listen to the incoherent murmurings of voices of others going about their business outside. The noise was comforting in a way, and yet it also agitated his headache.

Man…whatever that harbinger used on him last night was potent. He also couldn’t help but feel that he had done something similar to that a few times before. The chloroform or whatever it was he used was far too potent to have been done once or twice. It was crafted to perfection. Not only did it render a person unconscious almost immediately, it reduced them to near-complete helplessness for hours afterwards.

Seriously, he had to make sure no one else came into contact with that…toxin.

Drayce was confused when he heard the door swing open and felt the weight of the carriage shift not long after Blayke had left. He was even more confused when the weight seemed to be leaning toward the other door.

He lifted his head up and opened his eyes. “Hm? You’re back early-”

However, instead of appearance of Blayke greeting him, there was another. Someone he could have done without seeing ever again. Long brown hair, an eye-patched, dressed in the garbs of a dragoon.

“Well, if it isn’t the Pretty Boy Treasure Hunter.”

Drayce reacted by slamming his back against his seat in an attempt to get away from the other man. “You…”

“It must be my lucky day,” Keane grinned as he lounged all-too comfortably in the carriage seat across from him.

“Pity I can’t say the same,” Drayce bit out before he had a chance to consider his actions.

“Now, that’s just mean, don’t you think?” Keane all but cooed at him.

“You would know a lot about that, am I right?” Drayce returned swiftly. “Like those two bandits of yours that followed me in the labyrinth the other day. And broke into my guildhouse.”

Keane gave a short, sharp laugh. “My, are you bitter about that?”

“Exceptionally so.” Drayce mustered up a glare, though he wasn’t entirely sure how…effective it was with him still combating the side-effects of whatever it was that was used against him last night. “There was no need to take a guildmate hostage.”

“The method is inconsequential when the end result is the desired one,” Keane responded and literally waved his hand dismissively. He soon dropped his hand to his knee casually as he leaned forward slightly, only to stare straight into Drayce’s eyes. “Besides, that's what you get for trying to deceive me.”

Drayce gritted his teeth. So, what happened last night was in response to the switching of the tokens. “…What do you want?”

Keane tapped his cheek in a mocking attempt to appear contemplative. “Oh, where should I start? Maybe I should start with you.”

He then suddenly reached forward to snared a hold of Drayce’s chin. But his grip was cold, harsh, and the first thing that raced through Drayce’s mind that it was nothing like the tender touch of Zohar’s hand.

So, he reacted by immediately slapping the hand away.

“Don’t touch me.”

Far from angry or even agitated, Keane actually looked sadistically delighted by his reaction. “A feisty one, hmm~”

Feisty? Probably not. Disgusted? Definitely.

“Why are you after the lotuses?” he demanded.

Keane tilted his head to the side. “Hmm? Well now, I don’t give information away for free. You need to pay the fee first.”

Yeah, he had figured as much. Bandits wouldn’t do anything without a price. “Then forget it. I’ll find out on my own.”

“Oh, so cruel,” Keane mockingly purred. “I would have told you for a kiss.”

Drayce instantly felt queasy at the prospect. The clenching of the stomach type of nausea. It was…something he had never really experienced before. It was unsettling. “I’m even more determined to do it on my own now,” he managed to bite out.

Keane laughed. Not a joyful laugh by any stretch of the imagination. It was mocking, almost spiteful. A twisted grin appeared on his lips as he rested an arm on his knee and leaned forward. “But you’re not on your own, are you?”

Drayce didn’t respond. He couldn’t. Even as Keane stood up to lean over him, planting a hand against the wall of the carriage behind him, causing Drayce subconsciously sunk into his seat in a futile attempt to put some distance between them.

“You have others to worry about,” Keane continued. “Weaknesses.”

Drayce gritted his teeth. “Get out.”

“Since you asked so nicely,” Keane smirked, knowing full well that he hit a nerve. “Before that, listen carefully;”

Keane unexpectedly lashed out and pressed his hand against Drayce’s throat. His fingers wrapped around his neck as he pushed him back harshly into the seat behind him. Drayce’s hands immediately flew up to grasp at Keane’s wrists and he clenched his jaw painfully as he peered at him through one eye. That nausea returned when Keane moved his face toward his, that obnoxious and yet still menacing smirk on his lips.

“If you don’t want others to get hurt, you’ll hand over the map.”

Drayce squeezed his eyes shut when he realised that he couldn’t breathe properly. Mercifully, Keane released his grip on his throat and Drayce began to cough harshly as he held his neck with his hands.

The carriage shifted to the side as Keane thankfully stepped out into the street.

“I’ll be seeing you later then,” he said, that arrogant smirk of his in place before he slammed the carriage door shut.

Drayce starred through the small glass window as Keane walked away, toward some back alley located near the markets. His back was straight, his posture relaxed and somehow incredibly smug. He definitely looked pleased with him.

The door located on the other side of the carriage opened and as the weight shifted to indicated that someone else had entered, Drayce snapped his head around. Half expecting to see another bandit.

Thankfully, it was Blayke. And Drayce uttered a sigh of relief as he continued to rub his neck.

As Blayke took a seat, he turned to face him. His mouth was open, no doubt ready to tell Drayce that he had gotten the Ariadne Threads. But he stilled, and his brow soon furrowed deeply. “What? What happened?” he practically demanded.

“Let’s…just head to the Crescentia,” Drayce managed to utter, though his voice was surprisingly hoarse.

Blayke was having none of his dismissiveness, however. “What happened?” he actually demanded.

Drayce sighed as he rubbed his forehead. He was already anticipating yet more fussing when he returned to the Crescentia. “Keane just paid me a visit.”

“What?!”

The volume of Blayke’s voice did little to help with Drayce’s headache.

“He didn’t do anything,” Drayce replied, though that was a bold-face lie. And Blayke probably knew it from the paleness of his face in contrast to his throat. There was likely to be a handprint there, too. “But he’s after the lotuses all right. Why, I don’t know. Let’s…just go home.”

Blayke, of course, wanted to know more. Every little detail. But Drayce found himself becoming lost to his own thoughts. Especially in regards to that not-so subtle threat of Keane’s. He wanted the map. And he expected Drayce to just hand it over. Yet, that threat…he was going to force him into giving up the map, wasn’t he?

He didn’t know why Keane was after the tokens, or the lotuses, but he couldn’t allow that lowly bandit to get his hands on such treasures. But he…also couldn’t allow Keane to hurt anyone. Especially not someone from his guild.

A material treasure wasn’t worth that of a living being. His grandfather would always say that. But that Dark Blade. Someone like Keane shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near it.

…What should he do?

[lilithpooped]

Promise - Kim Hongjoong

Song Request: Promise by Ateez

Requested by: @sleepyninibear

Genre: fluff

A/n: Promise always gives me the feeling of young love and saving the one you love. Love is not always about protecting, no one can protect anyone forever. It’s also about saving the one from dark times. I wrote this fic considering both the lyrics and the melody, hope you like it 💕

“Mom, I don’t want to get married to him please don’t let it happen, please..” you begged.

“This is your dad’s will, y/n. You have to since it’s good for both the business and your future. Don’t cry, you’re gonna ruin your makeup.”

“Mom, I don’t care about makeup. How can you be so cold hearted? Haven’t you always been the one to tell me to do whatever I want? I can’t see how marrying him help with the business either!! And I told you I don’t love him, how can he be good for my future?!”

“Y/n, I told you to stop crying. You don’t have a choice right now. I told you to disagree with your dad when he first talked to you. This is not a game, you cannot go back. Especially not on your wedding day. If you were against the marriage that much, you should’ve told him then. Not now. Now stop crying and get ready. You’ll be walking to the aisle in 10 minutes.”

Your mom left the room. You looked at the mirror, your reflection seemed like a ruined masterpiece. Everything about your makeup, hair and wedding dress was perfect, just like your soon-to-be husband’s public image. He was the only heir of the biggest entertainment company in the country. He was rich, not so handsome but definitely attractive, charming and kind. He was everything someone like you could ask for.

But you didn’t ask for him.

Your family was above the average, too. But not as rich as his family. Your dad had an entertainment company which was not so successful at the moment and with you marrying the other company’s heir meant new business deals and growth for him. And since the heir really loved you and he was in fact the one asked for marriage, your dad immediately said yes before even asking you. Needless to say your relationship with him was not on a real dad-daughter level.

When he first told you that you were going to marry that man, you didn’t oppose to the idea. The heir was kind, cute and you always knew he had a crush on you. You weren’t seeing anyone anyways so you just accepted it and saw it as a chance to actually use him as a money source if you couldn’t like him even after trying to know each other. You didn’t oppose because marriage, love or sex meant nothing to you.

But it only lasted until you saw “the one”.

You met your “one” in a coffee shop. You were there to meet with your best friend and tell her about the wedding but she was late so you decided to grab your coffee first. You stood up, walked to the counter and got your favorite coffee. Took a sip before you walk back and wow! That was the best coffee you’ve ever had!

You turned back to your table and waited some more but your friend was nowhere to be found. You decided to text her.

“Hey where the heck are you? I’m slowly turning into a tree..........”

“Y/n I’m so sorry, my boyfriend got sick and I needed to take care of him. I couldn’t text you because he keeps puking and I’m with him rn.”

Wow... Amazing... Your bff ditched you.

You hadn’t replied to her text and decided to turn back home. But before you do, something inside you told you to ask for the barista and thank them in person. You wanted to let them know they were doing an amazing job and you would come there often for their coffee.

“Mr. Kim, our customer wants to see you.” Told (more like yelled) the cashier to the kitchen. You saw a red head behind the door window and that red head appeared in front of you in two seconds.

“Hello, I guess you asked for me. How can I help you?”

Wow he is handsome, you thought to yourself.

“Umm, I just wanted to say you create miracles back there. I mean this was the best coffee i have ever tasted, I’m gonna be a commoner here because of you.. I- I mean your coffee. Ehehe”

“Ah, thank you for saying so. I’m flattered but you’re exaggerating a bit, ehe, I don’t think my coffee is that good.”

He smiled shyly, you thought he looked cute. His eyes were shining.

“Oh, no no I’m not exaggerating. It was amazing. I didn’t want to finish it. Its taste still lingers. Ahaha.” This was your time to get shy now.

“Thank you so much. Your comment made my day.” He answered while smiling again.

“Ah.. Thank you for making coffee, i guess.. Ahaha! Umm. Okay anyways I should go now, thank you for the coffee again.”

You turned your back to the handsome barista and took a step before you hear him.

“Ummm, will I be able to see you around again? I mean, for coffee. I mean here..”

You turned your face to him again, something in your heart jumping at the sight of him.

“Yes, yes definitely. I will be coning here often.”

“Oh, then see you next time!” He gave you a cute and genuine smile while looking into your eyes.

You smiled back and turned back to your home.

All of it happened pretty fast from then on. On the second time, he told you his name. Kim Hongjoong. On the third time you two talked about your jobs and daily lives. On forth time, he asked you out by offering to make you a coffee when the shop is closed.

That was the time you fell for him.

It was you two in that coffee shop, till five in the morning you two talked, laughed and shared your stories. By the end of that date he was sitting closer to you. You were touching his arm while talking and laughing. Everything felt magical. Including your first kiss..

It was then you regretted not opposing to the marriage that’s been set for you. Life sure had a funny way to turn the things upside down.

You couldn’t keep the marriage thing as a secret from Hongjoong. You didn’t wanna trick him into thinking everything was normal. And he appreciated your honesty.

Of course he was confused and devastated at first. But you telling him the bare truth made him fall in love with you even more. He wanted to save you. He asked you to tell your dad that you changed your decision about the marriage and you did as he asked but your dad was furious when he heard your opposition. He was mad. He was throwing things to the floor just because he didn’t want to take his anger on you. But he didn’t accept your opposition. Instead, he decided to ground you. He made sure you hadn’t left your room. While he was at home, it was your mom watching your door so you couldn’t escape. She was not happy doing so but your dad scared her too.

You only left the room for dinner times and breakfast times. You had a bathroom for your own and always used that. And you only had your phone with you in the room which was enough to only call and text Hongjoong. He was also mad but not at you, he was mad at the situation, at your dad.

“I’m gonna do something, baby. Don’t you worry about it.” He texted you the night before the wedding.

“What are you going to do Hongjoong, just let it be. We can’t do anything at that point. Just remember i love you. I’m so sorry we met in a situation like this but I’m in love with you.”

“Just sleep and trust me my baby. I love you too.”

Now you were in your wedding dress, hair perfectly done and makeup making your face look like a porcelain doll, about to leave the room and be the wife of a rich heir.

“Y/n, it’s almost the time, get ready.” Your bff told you sticking her head in between the door and wall.

“Okay, thank you.” You answered silently, turning back to your reflection.

You heard the door closing.

You heard the door opening again and saw your best friend again, this time with a bag in her hands and worried look on her face.

“Y/n, oof your mom was right next to me and I was so afraid to get caught OOF god bless!!”

“What’s happening, what’s that bag, what are you talking about??”

“Look, Hongjoong is waiting for you outside. You should just go through the back door, he’s there. Here, take these sneakers. You will have to run, leave your highheels here. I put your stuff in this bag, I know it’s probably not enough for a lifetime but it should be enough for a week?? OKAY enough talk, just run!”

“What are you talking about, is that a joke cuz it’s not funny at all-“

“Y/n, you’re wasting your time! Just do as I said, why would I prank you with something like this, just go please. I’m gonna distract your mom. GO!”

She left your room hurriedly and you heard her talking to your mom.

Was it really Hongjoong? Was he insane?!?! Your dad-in-law’s security guards would kill him instanly if they knew!

You changed your high heels to sneakers quickly and opened the door just to see your mom’s back, she was talking to your friend and your friend and you got eye to eye for a split second before you hold your dress up and run until you saw Hongjoong. When you finally saw him, he was smiling so brightly you just wanted to stop your tracks and look at his face. Of course people heard noises your dress made and tried to run after you so Hongjoong held your arm tightly and made you run faster.

“My friends are waiting for us in two cars, if the security tries to follow us, they will distract them. You look so beautiful and we need to run faster.” He told you while running.

You were running and laughing crazily. It felt like you were running to your own freedom. With the only one you love...

—

Hongjoong remembered that time while looking at your sleeping figure in front of him. He was lucky. He was lucky because you were in front of him. It had been 2 years since you two ran away together but he still could feel the adrenaline in his veins. He remembered your laughing face, cheeks red from running, eyes sparkling. You looked so cute. You always looked so cute. He wanted to protect you. That day he did not only saved you but also he proved himself that he could protect you from most of the things if not everything.

Of course the rich family searched for you. But it was over now since the heir got married to another woman.

Hongjoong put his hand to your cheek and caressed it softly.

“I won’t let go of you. Don’t ever worry about anything, I’ll always be there to save you. I promise.” He mumbled while playing with your hair softly.

———————————————

Masterlist