#its been constant this year idk
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need to get my gender dysphoria comic project done asap i am so sick of being misgendered by my twitter followers lmao :')
#marie rambling#rant#its been constant this year idk#like i posted about liking mint chocolate chip flavor and someone commented “girls who like that blah blah” im not a fucking girl?#idk i'm just tired of it its pissing me off#is part of why i don't post on twitter much anymore#ik i should put my foot down about it but i don't want to be a dick ig
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Sstttaaarreater next episode is being worked on!! In-between every other thing going on rn
I once again invite you to bully me into working on it!
#the other day i look at the date of the last episode and had a freak out cos its been half a year-#i genuinely dont meaan to leave them so long but im in a constant state of having hammer thrown at me#HAH#anyway .... idk if anyone is even left excited hah#but their might be boat boys!! in this next one??? but you didn't hear me say that#stareater au
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The Dark Santa Mammon card... Unrealistic (/hj). I'm gonna be so real, as soon as I knew his ass wasn't possessed or cursed or something I would be eating that shit uP--
Mammon can be pushy. As a treat. On account of the whole being a huge sub literally 90% of the time thing shxhjsgdhzhx Very rarely Trying to be dominant gets you free Dom For The Day tickets in my book and Mammon has a surplus--
#obey me#obey me devilgram#obey me Mammon#obey me smut#obey me mammon smut#Mammon might even be near the top of the Kuroo Wouldn't Even Brat At Him list dhzjhxh#not number one tho that spot goes to beel or barbatos#diavolo and satan are pretty high up there too but they need it to remind them they don't have to treat them like glass sometimes💀#Lucifer is dEad last for obvious reasons--#he's only allowed to dom when he's up to having Maximum brat energy in return fbzbbx#Simeon is probably also pretty high on the list but he's fun to mess with a little i think djdbhd#poor Levi gets fucking Tormented just bc his reactions are cute--#also bc a lot of the time if he's not Frequently being provoked he's at risk of chickening out 💀#solomon gets low-level bratting but its like. constant-- so idk where he falls here dhzgxhd#asmo gets a minimal amount unless he asks for it so hes also pretty high on the list dnbfjd#belphie is nearly as far down as lucifer 💀💀#anYways-#i have very strong opinions on this bc I've been here for 4 years now man the brainrot is So severe-#and because fictional kink analysis is like one of my biggest special interests so. there's that xfjjfxfix#if anyone even read this far feel free to ask about Those headcanons I'm not sure if most of them will ever see the light of day otherwise💀
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maya fey save me....... save me from crushing artblock............. please.................
#haven't posted art in a minute rip u_u this summers been weird for drawing#pretty constant artblock in one way or the other u_u#my styles going through some shifts rn I feel idk if that's visible but I SEE IT and its annoying but my art will be better for it yayyyy!!#taking ap art this year hoping that'll help a bit :]#think its kinda funny how different I draw Maya now as opposed to the other art I posted of her a while ago lmao#ace attorney fanart#ace attorney#Maya fey#sketch#squirrel art
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btw i made a post sometime here about being in a restaurant or something and hearing teenage dream and thinking of larry stylinson because of that one video of them singing it
anyway like two days ago i went BACK to that restaurant and they played just the way you are AND viva la vida
it actually made me feel like i was going insane
#ask me anything#one direction#1 direction#1d#liam payne#MY HEART HAS BEEN ACTUALLY RIPPED OUT#rest in peace liam#zayn malik#niall horan#harry styles#louis tomlinson#larry stylinson#also ive begun to read the most popular larry fics#so far i have read walk that mile and young and beautiful#and like inbetween nights where i can read them i have to go to school and stuff#but now i feel like im in a constant state of death#idk how this happens 😭 these make me feel insane and rip me apart#anyway i loved walk that mile and i loved y&b#i just wish they were longer 😔#just the way you are#teenage dream#viva la vida#coldplay#katy perry#bruno mars#i would actually sell my life or my right arm to go back and be able to experience being a 1d fan during like 2010-2013#i would give anything#i want to see it happen in real time instead of watching videos knowing it all happened one million years ago practically a different plane#then again its given me this weird sense of time#like if i didnt know better i could almost trick myself into thinking that thats them now
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bahh i want to chat about learning french but its kind of difficult. like either its super uninteresting to most people or i feel like i can come off as pretentious or whatever if im not careful and noo im just excited to both play videogames and learn a language. im literally a nerdd. anyway im going to make a post on that
#idk ive come to realise that im lowkey boring lmao#problem is i tend to have these massive interests that last for either 6 months or a year before i completely move onto the next shiny thin#like a couple years ago it was guitar#a while back it was stage lighting#now its french#smaller ones have been rats fish woodworking balloon animals musicals 3d modelling urban planning ect ect ect#and theres a part of me that always worries that im going to do the same with french#i was learning spanish but i had to give it up for french#the few constant interests in my life have been m1n3craft and drawing#but im never really hyperfixated on drawing in fact my best improvement occurs when im not focused on it lmao#idk point is i dont want to loose hope on french because i know how long it takes to learn and because the feeling of working towards it is#the best#but when your interests change so much and so dramatically it can feel like those that are most important to you are slipping away from you#idk this wasnt what i was expecting to talk about#though i do know that my siblings also go through interest phases like this dramatically so its probably not just a me thing
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#literally how has it been 5 years & yet co/vid continues to ruin my life like for a while in 2021 it seemed like things were looking up but#its literally been nothing but downhill since everyone collectively gave up & places stopped requiring masks & vac/cine cards. the continued#mishandling of this is the worst thing thats ever happened to me & idk if ill ever get over it u til things materially change likr if we get#that new nasal one thats in trials or something like that but anything real happening feels so far off & i cant like live like this the#stress is so constant#texticles
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I HATE PARANOIA FUELLED DELUSIONS !!! I HATE PARANOIA FUELLED DELUSIONS !!! I HATE PARANOIA FUELLED DELUSIONS !!! I HATE PARANOIA FUELLED DELUSIONS !!! I HATE PARANOIA FUELLED DELUSIONS !!! I HATE PARANOIA FUELLED DELUSIONS !!! I HATE PARANOIA FUELLED DELUSIONS !!! I HATE PARANOIA FUELLED DELUSIONS !!! I HATE PARANOIA FUELLED DELUSIONS !!! I HATE PARANOIA FU
#talk tag#sorry for venting on mainlol im just. idk#head in hands i haaate feeling like everyone secretly hates me behind my back and stuff when i know that isnt happening#ive genuinly never had ppl really yell at me for anything either my brain just loves to tell me its going to happen either way#to the point i just fully think its happening behind my back even when realistically its nooottttttt gruhhhhawhg#Ever since i saw oooneeee random comment years back about Oh if you feel guilty abt smtn thats bc your subconscious knows youre horrible!#ive just been in a fuckign nightmare of constant fear#and even no matter how much i rationalize to myself!!!! it never stops!!!
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i try to avoid my acc being Just vntposting . in this world. but man is it going
#vwoop.noises#rest of tags is a lil heavy one#I am just so like. baseline unhappy with my life#and i can't be distracted all the time because like A) I have to be a person and B) World Cannot Revolve Around Me#and even a bit of those distractions have been Also caked in misery bc i am. difficult#so like what even is the point#And then. school .#did not go to my exams. my parents are mad and sayign i can't take a semester off because this was my write off and its like. NO. NOT REALL#they do not care how much of a mental breakdown i have visibly because they do not believe anything I have Not had any sort of rest .#and also like. they have their own problems. but one of these problems is telling me i wouldn't Really act like this#bc. and i really do like. wish that ppl would get help but we've tried but. over the last couple years my mom has believed that things#have been replaced / altered. and constantly brings up like. Oh yr dad NEVER ate pizza before :/ / you would've never said that / etc#Which like. it's such a genuine mental health thing like I deeply fully understand but I've been the only one taking it on and I am like.#21yo and very useless. And Also She's Mean 2 Me Now. I don't know what to do /shrug#And that's my storey . Kind of why it's been a constant stream of negativity we are doing :heart: Bad#like a year and a half ago: haha it's okay i'll just lock in next semester#the horrors: Hello. You are never doing an assignment again#sorry for the lore drop . thx if youve read this far idc if not. it's nice to get off my chest for real.#i gotta. make something soon idk#i can pretend that it will fix me :D#i am doing okay for the record uhhh we persist or whatever. if u are concerned of my absence my other blogs r in my pinned :]#I am still chronically online believe this. this is just my original posts blog. n mncrft sometimes still#after typing this out i left it on my puter to go search for food#and i had a huge rant sesh with my brother and this did kinda fix me ngl . Still posting tho.
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(person who was writing figaro & akira things) lots to think about in regards to akira w/ the (ex)northern wizards especially. lennox' white day event with the dishes inspired by your life and akira saying oz is something like a fluffy pancake perhaps (or whatever it was), & akiras actions toward oz in general (being very stubborn&honest when he's being silly about arthur, saying they wont summon another wizard if he turns murr to stone, etc) & their relationship (oz who can't use magic at night without akira, oz who's willing to listen to the sage's requests (even if thats transforming into a cat,,,,), oz who tells them not to forget their name, oz opening up about arthurs prophecy.....lots&lots of things). because akira knows about oz' past & has seen his strength (second anni.....), because the oz they know isn't the worlds strongest wizard oz but their friend oz,,,,,,,,,likeeee mithras similar too. knowing how strong he is, knowing he has killed in the past, but getting along with him so so well as well.
there's that part in early pt2 too where they speak about the sacrificium with him & 'doesnt it bother you to accept something from the twins' because it essentially puts akira within their circle of power? influence? protection? like how the twins protect their current village....but akira doesnt feel that way because they compare it to living within a country (even if thats also the part where they remark again that its tiring to deal with people sometimes). and i feel it ties in similarly.......?! figaro & snow & white are spoken of negatively a lot in the 'being kind' situations by the other northern wizards, but akira just doesnt have that pov/experience,,,,not to say they can ignore everything theyve done (figaros spot story help,,,,,,,,,,?????) but its. gestures widely. kindness in a person, kindness in someone's actions, being kind and being cruel, what's the goal, where did you grow up, the complexity of peoples thoughts and actions and being, etcetc....... lots to say in regards to figaro in general who initially shared he wanted to make the sage fall in love with him so he could manipulate their actions into world peace but also offered to listen to their worries (+ his tanabata event + card in general of his actions & surprise).
Because Figaro's a kind person—regardless of what Snow and White said, regardless of what Mithra and Owen said, but not regardless of Bradley. Everyone he known turned to stone and shackled as an example; see, there's good wizards who will help you defeat the bad wizards. For the sake of wizards and for the sake of humans Bradley had to lose the people he held dear. Akira could not disregard that.
do u get what im getting at <-speaking about things that arent deep at all
#stardust speaking !#EATS MY HAT#think theres lots to say about in regards to faust too but with how he views himself vs how akira(others) views him#dude who was willing to make a child curse him so he wouldnt attempt to curse the moon#mhyk characterization all got me like. ggGGGgggGggGgGg#idk if i ever said this but i enjoy mhyks pacing soooo much cuz it always feels like the focus is always on characters & feelings#so the way they pace things just end up being in ways i love so much#anyway the constant 'the younger wizards treat oz very different' is always so funny#oz& riquet is one of my favorite dynamics of all time#i miss second anni i miss neros parts in it i need to reread it next yr sometime#sidenote but gran falls into this a lot too considering who they know#and considering raziel being O_O at them forgiving her so fast for attempting to have them killed#while vyrns all 'if i had a rupie for each person on this crew who tried to kill us...' KJBJADKBJADBJKDBJK#forgot what i was gonna mention in regards to finding out more about the day bradley was caught. BUT the image of mithra standing in#that snowstorm watching is something i still obsess over#its so good...#the northern wizards part with vincent in general is just so incredibly good#isnt it bradley who goes 'and if i wasnt caught wizards like mitile mightve been hurt' or similar to mithra#akira asking lennox about his feeling toward oz too since oz abandoning his world domination affected things a lot#<-rly funny figaro joined for that and then went to arrest bradley many many years later#i need to get to the pt2 part where oz & figaro talks about love and figaros whole 'am i wrong..?' cuz dude that scene haunts me#so much to say about everyone in this little game
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🧍🏻♂️can someone tell me what im doing right thats making people trust me so much i dont understand
#maybe its just bc im extremely quiet irl so everyones just#'oh if i tell u ur not gonna tell anyone'#wHICH IS TRUE BC I WILL JUST FORGET THE CONVO LMAO#but like. idk#im just genuinely so confused by what im doing that people#are comfortable enough to talk to me about like serious situations gjdndjdjdjd#i dont get it sjfndndnd#i kinda just Exist and it just happens djdjddj#lien speaks#but its been like a constant thing even years back i just???#like i wanna know so i can keep doing it but also!#even wo me knowing ig im still doing it so whatever ??? i guess???
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I feel like out of any of my previous fixations, I would be drawn back into MP100 the quickest if there was any new content. Fortunately for me, the anime is done so (remembers the Reigen manga exists and hasn't been adapted) fucj
#ramblings#theres also the second fnaf movie thatll be out next year but like. idk fnafs a constant for me that doesnt feel that special#a new danganronpa game would also probably get me but i dont see it sucking me in as bad#god its been like. 2 years since that fixation fizzled out and i still feel a little burnt out on it. sad. at least mp100 faded nicely#so i can still have fun thinking abt them. i should replay the danganronpa games tho
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Will probably get yucked out real bad about the worms later. Like I knew I was getting into it with the ramcoa topics from the title of the movie but the worm stuff is pretty rarely done in movies about the topic despite it being like. Very much a thing.
#might also be sensitive since the worm stuff gets triggered at work sometimes#but also in general the worm stuff has been coming back a lot since like february this year#not sure why#like its always been There but not intrusive this year#it was like 2024 hello worms in my skin in my clothes in my mouth constant worm body mems#im not even sure it was even worms irl#pretty sure i was blindfolded for that#idk im getting off topic
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someone hype me up and tell me im not an absolute fuckin dick so I can finally just finish breaking up with my partner/ex(??)
#vark posts#delete later#had the inital convo like maybe 4 days ago? idk#it was supposed to just be a couple days to process and then we'd come back to it to make it definitive and set boundaries#since ya know we fuckin live together#but weve been avoiding eachother like the fuckin plague and theyre just notorious for avoiding conflict in general#its driving me up the fuckin wall#but i mean ive also just been a fuckin coward too ig#its not that i dont want to just get this over with already#but ik the next 24hrs after is gonna make me wanna fuckin die#like how do u keep ur fuckin sanity after breakin things off with someone youve talked to everyday for almost 2 years#im not really emotional so id probs be fine after like a week#but its like initiating this convo is gonna feel like im putting a bullet into my own head#this is lowkey embarrassing to put out there but im in a fuckin constant state of stress i need to be put down
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it's kinda weird that when you look at health recommendations for various medical conditions associated with fatness it's always 'just lose 10% of your body weight to see a risk reduction' (so like 20-30 pounds for the average overweight or obese person according to the bmi) but then in day to day medicine there's not really a way of like, removing obesity as a diagnosis on your insurance paperwork for example, even if by a certain standard you've lost enough weight to reduce the risk of health conditions that insurance would be concerned about. if you're an average height weighing 300 pounds and lose 30 pounds, which seems to be the amount that's considered reasonable to lose and maintain if you want to like, reduce your cholesterol, you've gone from morbidly obese to morbidly obese.
#beyond like the more pervasive stigma that i think has been around for a lot of history around fatness#i think the biggest reason behind the current concern over obesity in the US especially is uh. capitalism#there's always this addition about look at how much money these people cost us!! and its like who's us. insurance companies?#idk one one hand it's nice to see that medical science is maybe being kinder now than when i was an overweight 11 year old lmao#like when i was a kid it was hey this index that is not accurate for your age and sex says you need to lose 15 pounds#and then constant badgering about it until i got sick dropped 5 pounds and fit the graph better or whatever#and then i continued to gain weight for the next 7 years until i treated my insulin resistance#but i genuinely got worse and stricter treatment as overweight than morbidly obese because i think now that I'm 250 and an adult#they're like yeah you're just fat we're not going to bother beyond the legally required warnings#also when i was 11 it was uhhhh 2016 so middle of the obama admin when fat kids were the topic du jour#but the way they talked about it was like if I didn't stay under 130 pounds for the rest of my life i might as well drop dead#so seeing hey if you lose like 25 pounds you're good and you don't need to drop over 100 is. Comparatively better#still shitty advice for insulin resistant people IMO but whatever
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they should invent a way to be an artist with less rejection emails
#ill delete this later i dont like sharing negative vibes about art stuff#but this has been such a year for my art confidence like...im tired lmao#the constant worry that im doing something wrong and everyone hates it and that theres no audience for me is#like a lot and im trying to let it out in small chunks so it doesn't fester and boil#as well as just try and reframe my thoughts and everything and just reassure myself idk#its just been a year you know?#edit: fabdante 2024 mantra 'its not you its not personal shit is just competitive'
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