#its been bothering me and I wanted to say something about it

[hello-sweetheart]

You know that trope where Person A thinks Person B is just being nice but they’re actually flirting. What about the opposite? Person A misreading their behavior and being the only one falling impossibly in love.

Clumsy in Love Part 2

It’s hard to listen to Eddie talk about this guy the same way Steve wished he did about him. Eddie, already so full of life and words, doesn’t seem to need to take a breather between his praises.

“Can’t believe this guy is actually into me, did you see him? Oh my god!” He groans and smacks his palms against the steering wheel, literally bouncing in his seat.

The van swerves a bit to the left.

“He’s just my type, too. Those eyes, prettiest eyes that have ever graced human existence, and they were looking at me. Me! Wow! The darkest green— I don’t think there’s any precious stone that can compare actually.”

He beams at him and Steve’s traitorous heart still flutters like a wounded bird helplessly flapping its broken wing. Eddie is smiling so hard his cheeks must hurt, eyes crinkled at the corners and teeth on full display.

Steve will close his eyes at night and replay these words, pretending that this excitement and instant adoration is about him. That Eddie’s love-struck smile is for him.

“And, to top it off, he’s a geek. A fucking nerd. He actually knows DnD! What are the chances, Stevie? I’m no religious man, but an angel must have heard mine desperate pleas.”

His name is Adiel, Eddie’s perfect guy.

Steve spends that night feeling the need to cry, the hurt is right there at the base of his throat refusing to spill.

Steve kind of wishes he did, maybe letting everything out would leave him feeling empty instead impossibly full of heartache.

Adiel is blond, a dirty blonde that means he must’ve had light locks as a kid. Face slim and cheek bones prominent, but his features are soften by button nose. Maybe Eddie is right, he looks like the angels depicted in stained church windows, but whereas angels are depicted in white, Adiel wore exclusively black.

He wasn’t decorated in rings and chains like Ed, only a few silver piercings in his ears and a couple on his lips. But it was evident they had much in common, even just by looks. More than Steve could ever say about him and Eddie.

Over the next couple of weeks they share their music, intrinsically understanding what it means to one another.

Getting it.

Getting it the way that Steve never could, even with hours of Eddie breaking it down for him. Maybe Steve never understood, but he loved those moments shared between them. Wonders if Adiel cherishes those moments too. If he takes it for granted.

They share everything with each other and Steve hears every little detail gushed between sickly sweet sighs. He’s trying to be a good friend, to listen and share Eddie’s happiness, but something inside him grows bitter. Angry. He hates feeling this way.

“I met his friends already, they’re a really cool bunch. I really think you guys would get along. They know all the best spots for people like us. There’s a whole world out there, Stevie—“

Stevie. His breath stutters.

“Of people like us with places for us. We could take Robin and Vicky and be surrounded by people that won’t, that won’t think we’re… wrong. And who knows,” he nudges Steve’s side with a suggestive smile, “maybe you’ll meet the one there, huh Stevie?”

“Stop. Just, just stop!”

Steve doesn’t mean to yell. He just can’t take it anymore. Everything that has been building up inside him has reached a point where he just can’t. He pushes Eddie away from him who looks startled. Offended and bothered and confused.

“I don’t want to meet his friends, or least of all him. I don’t get it, okay! I thought—“

What did he think? That one day he would confess to Eddie or vice versa? That they’d kiss and go on double dates with Robin and Vicky? That he would fall asleep each night in love and loved? It seemed plausible at some point. That’s what hurts the most.

“Hey, Stevie—“

��Don’t call me that! You don’t get to call me that anymore.”

“What? Your name? You don’t want me to call you by your name?”

A bitter laugh, “yeah. My name from your mouth.”

“I, You’re not making any sense!”

Steve knows. He knows. But Stevie, Big boy, Ozzy… even his own name, can’t bear to hear them. Not from him. Can’t bare the way his heart squeezes.

Eddie’s looking at Steve with furrowed brows and down turned lips, standing still. Has Eddie ever been still before in his life?

Once. When he was still and pale and red. His chest gone quiet for the most terrifying seconds of Steve’s life.

Steve looks at him, his eyes burn. Steve’s breath from his own chest brought Eddie back to them. Eddie’s lungs still carry his desperation. His ribs healed but the cracks must still be there from the palm of his hands. He’s tasted Eddie’s blood before from his mouth—

He’s kissing him. Steve, dumb stupid in-love Steve, has his lips on Eddie’s once more, but this time they’re warm and full of life and his ringed hands are on him and,

They’re pushing him. Away.

“Eddie,” his sight is blurry, eyes hot, and breath stuttered. “I, it hurts. You with him. I can’t—I just can’t.

And Eddie looks, terrified, dark eyes searching Steve’s face. For what, he does not know. Sincerity, maybe. Truth. Maybe looking to see if he’s really shattered inside.

“I’m sorry, I… I didn’t…I don’t…”

And Steve?

Steve smiles. It’s watery and his lips quiver.

“I know.” And that’s the problem, isn’t it. It’s always the problem. “I know, Eddie. I’m sorry. It’s, it’s okay.”

Eddie leaves Steve there in the living room.

There’s still two cans of Coke half full on the coffee table but only one person left in the room.

Part one < 💛 > Part 3

Tagged: @bananahoneycomb @margaglitterdeath

[suljaffs]

Nanami Dabble - Surprise Dinner / fluff

Warning: this may not be that good it was just a random brain fart I wanted to write about sighfhfghfgfhhh

It was 11:30 pm. The apartment was dim with a scenic nighttime view, a couple of your vanilla candles around the dining room to set an ambiance with a somewhat nice layout of food: Mac and cheese, fries, pizza rolls, and even home made heart shaped cookies for desert. “He should be getting home any time now.” You thought, stepping back to view your creation in full. Your body tense with excitement waiting for the door to swing open.

Nanami always came home at late hours, leaving at the crack of dawn, entering while you slept. It bothered you not being able to spend much time with your lover but you never held it against him because you understood his job was hard, draining even, and you wanted nothing other than to provide a safe space for your husband. Today, you decided to do something for him. For the longest, you two have postponed plans of going to dinner because of work. The two of you could’ve just gotten in the kitchen but he wanted it to be a day where the two of you could simply relax. At first, it seemed like a good idea but with each date night turning into “I don’t have enough time after work.” And lots of cancellations on reservations because of last minute work issues, You decided to take matters into your own hands and what better than a quick at home dinner?

“That carpet fragrance is quiet strong.” Hearing not only his voice but also the lock hitch and the knob shuffle, you pulled out your phone to take a quick picture before ducking under the table, snickering to yourself.

Nanami creeped the door open, he was always careful as to not wake you up. “My.. love?” He stopped in his tracks, tucking his lips as he watched you come up from under the table, a small smile creeping its way on his face as he watched you bump your head in the process. “Su-ouch-prise!” You jumped up, a big smile on your face despite your minor injury. He softly shut the door behind him, keeping his body turned towards the closed door, back facing you. “Don’t tell me you’re going soft on me big boy.” You snickered, making your way over to him. “I just wanted to do something special but in all honesty, it’s not my best work.” You dismissed your hard work, but you hadn’t known what else to say to ease the moment.

“It’s perfect my love.” He turned to you, two tear trails visible on his face. Seeing him cry wasn’t crazy to you as he had been a softie: that time when you said yes to being his girlfriend in high school and even that time when a cute squirrel approached him on your guys walk through the park. You took a hand to his face, drying his tears as his head hung low. “It’s all for you.” You cooed. “Now come eat. I only really had time to actually cook the Mac and cheese so you better appreciate my hard work.” You teased, untying his tie which you know he would hate to get dirty. He took your hand before you could walk over to the table. “You make me feel like the luckiest man in the world, y/n.” He whispered before planting a deep kiss on your hand, another tear dropping.

He guided you to the table, seating you before seating himself. “I thought the smell was that carpet fragrance got you, never would’ve expected it to be this…” Nanami looked around the table, a nod of approval. “oh how I love you.” He whispered. The night was full of giggles, conversations of work, and old memories between you two like the times when he thought it wasn’t obvious he had a crush on you, when you rejected him because you didn’t know him well enough, and most importantly the cute moments you two shared every now and then.

As the time ticked close to 1, you two had wrapped up dinner, he had taken him a shower, and you two decided** to reside yourselves in bed for the night. For once in a long time, you two were finally going to sleep at the same time again and it wasn’t just him cuddling you when you were already asleep. This time, it was you who was big spoon. Playing with his blonde strands as his head rested in your chest, you couldn’t help but to sniff him. He smelt of tréseme hair conditioner but you had no issue with it because it was him… his smell.

[mrmeowski]

🔞˚✦𝐃𝐚𝐲 𝟓: 𝐏𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐤 | 𝐀𝐬𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐞𝐮𝐬✦˚🔞

Synopsis: You had lost yourself in the midst of trying to fit in, constantly chasing the latest trends and conforming to societal expectations. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't shake off the feeling of emptiness. You had forgotten what it meant to be yourself, and the mirror reflected a stranger's face staring back at you. Nobody saw your suffering, nobody but him.

CW: Insecurity, slight angst (?), mating press, creampie

A/N: I know it's late but I was a bit busy though I will finish it. Also, thank you for the 100 followers it means so much to me I might do something special if I have the time💖

Pairing/s: Asmodeus x F.Reader

Word Count: 1.8k

Day 4: Exhibitionism | Satan»

You had always been insecure about yourself, constantly trying to keep up with the latest trends and fashions in an attempt to feel included. But no matter how hard you tried, it always felt hollow. Like you were just going through the motions, pretending to be someone you're not.

Even after being acquainted with the demons of Devildom, with all the praise and compliments you received, a part of your mind was always shutting them off. Telling you that it was all just a facade, a way for them to get closer to you, to taint your soul.

The angels weren't much help either. Simeon, the first angel you met, was now more of a demon himself. Luke, on the other hand, was still just a child, oblivious to the ways of the world, and his compliments were more like innocent observations. And then there was Raphael, who you barely spoke at all.

Nobody noticed all the signs, nobody but Asmo. He saw the way your smile faltered whenever he complimented your looks, the way you stared at others with envy and the way you seemed to shrink away whenever he tried to get you to try new things.

He had always been perceptive, but you had never realized just how much he saw until now.

You sat on his lavish bed, and you couldn't help but notice the puzzled expression on his face. He was staring at you with a frown, his eyes scrutinizing every inch of your face. A shiver ran down your spine as he sat beside you, his finger twirling around your hair in a gentle, soothing motion.

"Is something wrong, Asmo?" You inquired.

 He sighed, his eyes never leaving yours, "Recently, I've noticed you weren't... enjoying yourself," his voice uncharacteristically low and husky. "Tell me, dear, why?"

You chuckled softly, trying to brush off his concerns, "I-I don't know what you're talking about. Despite all of this being new, I do enjoy myself—thanks to you and your brothers, of course." But he was not so easily fooled.

"You're not being honest to me, dear," he whispered, his voice dripping with a hint of disappointment. "And you know I don't like being lied to." he fully cupped your cheek, drawing closer until you could feel the warmth of his breath on your skin. "I want to know what's really going on, dear... What's been bothering you?" Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, and you had to blink them away, trying to compose yourself.

Turning your head to the side, trying to look away, but his grip on your cheek only tightened, his fingers digging gently into your skin forcing you to stare back at him.

"I..." You wanted to make up a reason, to hide your pain, but your throat felt dry and empty of words.

His gaze burned into your skin. It felt different this time, not the usual seductive gaze that he used to try and charm you. Instead,

"It's j-just..." You started but the words caught in your throat.

How could you put your feelings into words? You don't even know if you could say it aloud alone, more so to another person.

"Tell me, dear..." He rubbed his thumb in a circular motion. "Tell me the truth... what's been bothering you?" Before you even realized it, your body moved on its own, wrapping your arms around his waist and burying your face in his chest.

You began sobbing uncontrollably, the tears flowing freely as you finally allowed yourself to release all the pent-up emotions that had been building up inside you.

You didn't know why you were crying or why you had broken down but it just happened. And to your surprise, he didn't question it or try to stop you. Instead, he simply hugged you back, his arms wrapping around you all the while his hands rubbing your back in a gentle, soothing motion.

After what seemed like hours, your tears finally dried up, but you continued to hug him tightly. You felt a sense of security in his presence, one that makes your heart skip a beat.

You spoke with a hushed voice, "You know Asmo, I envy you. You're always so confident of yourself.. you don't care what others say about you." He hummed along, his chest vibrating with the sound. "I wish I were like you... I dreamed of being like you, but something in me.. prevents that. Whenever I look in the mirror, there's always something missing.. and I-I can't put a finger on what it is." Each shaky words you let out, his arms tightened around you, holding you closer.

He kissed the top of your head, his lips warm and comforting.

"Shhh... " He whispered, "My dear, you're perfect just as you are, don't bother envying others. You could be in the finest clothes, but if it doesn't come from inside, it won't feel real." He rested his chin on your head, his breath warm against your skin. "When I look at you, I see perfection, someone who doesn't need to change anything to be loved." You felt a lump form in your throat as you listened to him, his words touching a deep part of you.

You could feel tears pricking at the corners of your eyes again, but this time they were tears of joy and gratitude. You felt seen and heard by someone. His words were like a warm hug, enveloping you.

Talks with him had always felt different. He didn't sound like a demon, incapable of such emotions, or an angel, oblivious to the complexities of mortal feelings. No, he talked like a human would comfort each other, with empathy and understanding.

Unbeknownst to you, a smirk slowly carving its way onto his porcelain-like skin. "No need to thank me, my dear... " His voice low and husky. "I was merely saying the truth! ...In truth, I should be the one to thank you...~" You furrowed your brow, confusion etched on your face.

"What do you mean by that?" But he didn't answer.

Instead, he pushed you down onto the soft and plump mattress, his eyes gleaming with a strange, wild aura. As you looked up at him, you saw that his eyes were glowing a hot pink.

"Because you bless me with your divine form, " he whispered, each word laced with honey. "I'll show you just how perfect you are." He smiled, his long, slender fingers trailing up his robe, pulling it open.

As the fabric parted, you gasped, your eyes widening in shock. He was naked beneath his robe, his slim get masculine body on full display. Your gaze was drawn to his groin, where his dick was throbbing with excitement, the reddening tip already glistening with precum.

Crawling towards you, his hands began to trail down your skirt, pulling it down along with your underwear. His head now buried in the crook of your neck, his warm breath sending shivers down your spine.

"You wouldn't ever be ashamed of yourself again," he whispered onto your skin. "I'll show you how much I admire and love you." His fingers slowly explored your body, tracing the curves of your hips and thighs.

His mouth trailed down your neck, his lips kissing and nipping at your skin. His tongue danced across your collarbone, leaving a trail of fire in its wake. You felt your body respond to his touch, your nipples hardening and your pussy growing wet with desire.

"I'll make you feel how perfect you are, my dear. " Laying soft kisses on your body. "I'll show you that you're worthy of love and admiration." He then positioned himself between your legs, his dick throbbing with excitement.

He teased your wet entrance, grinding his tip against your sensitive hole, and you couldn't help but let out a moan of anticipation. Shivers run down his spine, letting out shaky breathes as he looked at you with half-lidded eyes.

You could see the hunger in his eyes, the need to possess you, to make you his. And you knew that this wasn't just about sex, it was about something more.

The demon wanted to tease you a bit longer, to build up the tension, to make you beg for it. But he himself couldn't take it longer, his own need for you was too much to bear. So, he pushed it all in, his dick sliding deep into your wet and willing pussy.

"Aaah..!" You cried out, feeling the rush of pleasure as he filled you up.

You were so tight and warm inside, your gummy walls greedily welcoming him, hugging him tightly. His pace was slow, but deliberate, making sure to dig his dick deep into yours. He wanted you to feel it, to feel the pleasure and the pain, to feel him kissing your cervix.

He grinned, the sounds you were making music to his ears, a symphony of pleasure and desire."My... my, such a melody you're making~" Then, he harshly thrusted, bullying your pussy, making you cry out in shock and pleasure.

The demon of lust's pace started slow, but over time it got faster and harsh. You could hear the bed creak and groan under his speed, pistoning in and out of you with only one thing in mind, to pleasure you. His lips left sloppy kisses on your body, not leaving any surface untouched, as he devoured you whole.

"A-Asmo..! Ugh... s-slow down!" You cried out, yet your pleas fell on deaf ears.

He seemed to be fueled by your words, his thrusts becoming even more intense and frenzied.

"But why my dear? When...ah.. this is what you deserved," he groaned.

His hand then travelled to your side, gripping your waist as he pulled it down meeting his thrusts. The other pushed your legs further apart, pressing you deeper into the mattress.

Fingers digging into your skin as he fucked you senselessly. You were trapped, unable to move or escape, as he ravished your body.

You were so close to one another, his chest against your breasts, and his lips against your ear, whispering praises, "See how good you make me feel? You... y-you don't need to change it. Ah, fuck... your beauty made me fall in love with you." He nibbled at your ear, his teeth grazing against your skin, sending shivers down your spine.

Moaning into your ear when his dick hit the right spot or when your walls constricted around him. You felt like you were seeing and feeling heaven.

Looking down at your body, your skin flushed and breasts pressed against his . You felt like you were one with him, like your bodies were meant to be together.

You were so close to coming, so close to reaching the peak of your pleasure. And as his thrusts became more frenzied, you knew that you were going to come soon. You could feel it building up inside you, a wave of pleasure that was going to crash over you.

Then, it happened, you were undone by the Avatar of Lust. You came, your body shuddering with pleasure as his dick pulsed inside you.

As you lay there, still reeling from the aftershocks of your orgasm, his body limped on top of yours, chest heaving with exhaustion. But despite his spent state, his dick was still buried deep inside you, still pulsing with a gentle warmth that sent shivers down your spine.

You reached out to touch his chest lazily, your hand making contact with his warm skin.

"Asmoo..." You murmured, your voice barely above a whisper.

He was not done yet. The demon kissed your cheek, his lips brushing against your flushed skin.

"Don't talk yet, my dear," he whispered. "I'm not done telling the truth."

Request» Materlist»

*•.𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐄𝐍𝐃.•*

Day 6: Food Play | Beelzebub» [WIP]

[rikosseen]

Manager Kim x Reader: First Meeting

Anon ask

An aggravated sigh leaves your mouth as you glance around. Three more boxes to go, and you could finally play dead fish on your mattress. The neighbourhood wasn’t too bad (from what you’ve seen in the past six hours), and your soon to be home had plenty of perks. It was close to work, had a nearby convenience store, and most importantly, it was cheap. A steal for sure. You glance around once more before cracking your back, groaning.

“Would you like some help?”

You look to your side to see a man holding a briefcase.

“Uhh,” you manage out, straightening your posture.

He stays silent, looking at your belongings, then back at you. He’s not a robber, is he?

“Oh, I don’t want to be a bother,” you say, shaking your head.

“Not at all,” he smiles, already picking up the boxes at once.

Oh.

.

.

From the small talk you made with him, Kim had a daughter named Minji, and an occupation he was reluctant to share. He’s a reserved man, but a respectful one nonetheless. He even offered to unpack the boxes alone, insisting that you rest. He was sweet and nice to you, so who were you to judge his work? Looking around, you notice that all the kitchenware is put out and immaculately organised. Strong, helpful, and efficient. This neighbourhood most certainly does have its perks. You look around some more to see that all the boxes are empty, save for the ones with clothing in them.

Respectful too.

You figure it’d be nice to cook something for him. A token of appreciation. A gesture of kindness on your part. And- isn’t this usually around the time highschool students finish up their classes? Maybe Minji can join in too. Before you can stand up from the ground to get started on the cooking, Kim comes into view, and he’s dusting his hands.

“That’s probably all I can do for you without meddling with your privacy,” he smiles, grabbing his briefcase.

You give him a grateful smile of your own, but quickly frown.

“Let me make some dinner. Your daughter can come join us too,” You say hastily, tugging at his suit.

Kim looks down at your hands, a little reluctant. How long has it been since he’s even come in contact with a woman like this?

“Nothing better than a home cooked meal after a long day, right?” you try.

He gives another smile. A sloppy and crooked one this time.

“I suppose that’d be nice.”

.

.

Minji and you chatter away, switching topics faster than Kim can keep up. He’s not complaining though. His attempts are futile anyway, and there’s just something so serene about seeing you and Minji being so casual. When was the last time she laughed like that? You snort unsuspectedly, and cover your mouth. Embarrassed, you laugh it off and tell the father-daughter duo that you’ll take care of the dishes. Kim watches you carefully, and Minji nudges his shoulder.

“She’s nice,” his daughter smiles.

And he just nods. Yes, very nice.

[yudgefudge]

What Saudi Arabia is currently doing is sportswashing, and it is NOT okay.

Sportswashing is a term used to describe the practice of individuals, groups, corporations, or governments using sports to improve reputations tarnished by wrongdoing. [wikipedia]

By signing multiple [washed] players for their league and not producing any young "talent" all they're doing is drawing attention away from their own nationals and trying to fit in already popular footballers. They want you to watch the Saudi league without thinking of Saudi Arabia.

Saudi Arabia, along with basically the rest of the middle east has committed multiple human rights violations in terms of migrant workers, sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia, the list goes on. And they get away with a lot of it because they are viewed as "unflinching" religious states - the same unflinching state that bent their own Islamic law just so Ronaldo could play for them, reportedly - and get conservative backing. But when the left (or to be honest, decent human beings) try and criticize them and bring these things to light, they disguise them through participating in sports events. I'm only familiar with the [recent] football examples of this:

Manchester City & Newcastle being [majorly] owned by Emirati and Saudi GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS. Newcastle is literally DIRECTLY OWNED by the Saudi government through their treasury jesus

PSG literally being fucking owned by Qatar???

The 2022 World Cup being held in Qatar (Saudi also bid on the 2023 Women's WC as well but lost)

And obviously, Saudi Arabia beginning to push its own football league by signing (poaching) multiple players and not fostering any of their own talent.

Human right violations are not Muslim doctrine.

By playing for, and promoting, the Saudi league, you are either saying you don't care about the human right violations going on in the region, or you agree with them.

Every player is part of the problem. Including that one you like.

In these trying times, let's not lose the plot. I've seen people on Twitter, Instagram and even on here try and spin Saudi league criticism into some sort of islamophobia thing when that's as far from the point as you could get. It is anti-Muslim to commit the violations that are currently going on in the middle East.

Just had to remind you all.

Read more abt sportswashing on the wikipedia article and its attached sources

[icewindandboringhorror]

boy in silly sitting positions compilation

[wormchaser]

you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.

i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.

[larabar]

quick random poll because this has been bugging me since frontiers came out

cutscene in question -> X

[cillyscribbles]

i like girls and i like to talk about liking girls. you'd think this would be a good thing among girl likers but sometimes it does not feel like that at all

[doctorweebmd]

so there's this post floating around about like, feeling like an outsider even in a group of outsiders and i almost reblogged it being like

'aha i do that'

except. like. i know exactly why that happens, and its 100% my fault

i just have trouble maintaining relationships because i'm a poor communicator. that's been the case since high school. i dont really initiate conversations or remember to text or call people. its not from a place of indifference or anything like that - i'm sincerely an 'out of sight out of mind' kind of person.

i can not talk to and not see someone for months or years but my feelings for them don't change. it doesn't bother me if people dont check in on me or don't hang out with me or don't text me. i still like them. unfortunately that is not how 99% of the population communicates. people (rightfully) assume that when someone doesn't initiate conversation or hang-outs or doesn't check in on you, that they don't care about you. for me, thats not the case at all. like if i like you and consider you my friend, you are ALWAYS my friend. i would do anything for you and would be more than happy to talk/see each other/support you/etc. its just the day-to-day communication that i really struggle with. but thats how most relationships form - regular, consistent communication.

i've gone through periods of extreme guilt for this where i sincerely try, and make new friends, and re-connect with texting and phone calls and hanging out more often but inevitably something happens, i get busy or i forget and suddenly all this time passes and people think i dont care anymore. unfortunately that's not the case whatsoever - time is kind of abstract to me and i dont understand that while my feelings don't change, others feel more distant or abandoned.

and i've really hurt people in my life like that. friends that i've known for many years from high school/college are a LITTLE more forgiving because they know i'm just 'like that' but still. it does hurt people. like i haven't spoken to my dad in probably at least a year - not because i dont love him, but because of that same reason. he doesn't reach out and i forget and it just steamrolls because he gets hurt, doesn't reach out because he thinks i'm intentionally 'ignoring' him, and i continue to forget, and its just this viscous cycle. i haven't talked to my grandparents in months. my mom knows better and texts me every week or so, but it still hurts her that she has to reach out so regularly. she also plays these games where she sees how 'long' it takes for me to remember to reach out. a lot of people in my life have done that. its like i'm being tested on something without ever being told its a standard test, ya know? i'm always destined to fail it because i dont know how long is too long. at which point will the time and distance be unacceptable? i still dont know the answer.

and i think it makes me come off as a really heartless and callous person. its made me kind of keep people at arms-length because i know i'm not capable of being a part of most people's lives. i have perfectly normal and pleasant relationships with my coworkers and all that, but i'm generally not close with them. and i can see the confusion, because we hang out and i'm pretty normal or whatever and we have fun and then they don't hear from me for months and they're like 'uhhhh.... okay? so i guess you don't like me?'

i do. i just have different relationship maintenance standards than others i guess. so i just overall avoid being around others just because i know i'll disappoint them. it is what it is but it really is sad, in a way.

[girlscience]

Why do I feel so immature compared to literally everyone I interact with. Why does everyone treat me like I am some naive baby that needs to be protected. Why does everyone act like I am incapable of putting myself out there to get things done.

[lovsome]

>:(

[luhman16]

Do not interact with trolls its not worth it, interacting with trolls is the mind killer, its the little death that brings total obliteration, i shall let it pass over and through me, and when i will look back, only i will remain

[ablazeinhim]

feeling like such a loser lately and like is it the winter or is the introversion or is it the disability???

[lateseptemberdawn]

Ngl bad parents give me such an ick like stay tf away from me ew

[dinopant]

Gonna watch doctor sleep, jerk off and forget im lonely