#its been a few days thats for sure
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transfem loop + siffrin... you agree
i does agree.... i does in fact ... write a 7k word essay on the subject..... if you would like to perhaps click that link and read it if you were not already aware...... kisses u on the forehead......... sorry its that long but i had to cover all of my bases you know how it is with textual analysis when you're trying to draw a distinction between "headcanon" and "reading of the text" because those are different things.... to meeeeeeee.......
#a headcanon is when i say shit like loop has feetie pyjamas.#a reading of the text is when i go jesus christ dude im not sure someone that repressed has a particularly great grasp on their ideal Self#lucabytetalks#isat spoilers#back on the homestuck tangent sometimes i think about how ppl picked up on the trans coding of roxy but were so set in their ways that#they thought it mustve been in the past and not a potential future... and then got real mad about a character being like.#complexly transmasc with a nuianced relationship to gender and not Easily Brushed Off Before The Narrative Begins Binary Trans Woman#one of the few times i think ive seen it be That way around? but i think it comes down to that whole. visible transgenderism happening#during the plot vs Invisible transgenderism that shh its okay you dont have to actually think about you can just say for brownie points#BUT MAYHAPS THAT IS MEAN. mayhaps that is mean. but i know what i saw back in the day.#sighs homestuck tangent over anyway uhhh yeah hold on isat fans ill throw you a new bone instead of getting off topic uhhh#isabeau seems like such a pragmatic planner to me i think theyve got contingency plans for whatever family they want to have in future#logical nerd with his transition timeline planned out and it includes a flowchart with an 'IF partner has X then i need Y to have a kid'#shrodingers op isabeau . guy with a gender spreadsheet and punnet squares. i think it being that methodical is funny#it also speaks to his occasional hesitance but thats too dark of a read i think im not going to stake anything serious on that#i have thoughts on isa but they're more obviously aligned with what he literally says with his words in-game. not really much worth#elaborating on besides poking at how his insecurities and appeasement to others might inform his literal decisions#i have maybe a few bullet points in my head for him. not 7k words
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in news that will suprise no one, i'm still firmly in my flop era and struggling to write at all. lots of exciting stuff to come if i can ever get it done! hope life is treating you all kindly ♥
#bunny rambles#im ngl im... close to deleting/abandoning my blog#i probably wont#but thats where im at right now#im sure things will get better#winter is rough for me and ive been off my meds for a few days so its angsty hours#love you all#♥
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okay one thing that's fucked up with the 80-90 dollar switch 2 games is that. because there are no physical carts and they're just codes to verify a purchase online that means that come 10 years (the average lifespan of a nintendo system's online support) there's a pretty good chance that anyone getting a switch 2 for the first time just. won't be able to play anything on it unless they get one with an account already (if accounts even still work). because the servers will be down so they can't verify the codes they spent money on. and this will become less and less of a rare situation as time passes as this is, from what can be told now, the system that will slowly brick itself on purpose over a span of 10 years and demands 20-30 extra dollars compared to its competitors to do so
(i don't have an xbox or a ps5 to confirm if this will also be a problem for them but considering the massive fucking sizes of games these days it probably will be the case for that as well and i hate modern gaming a lot good god)
#text#switch 2#like the ds online support has been dead since 2014#but i can still play those two layton games i found at a retro games store a few years ago#official game carts as well as good as the day those games came out i just got them a lot later#because the whole ass games are on the carts it doesn't need a download or verification or anything#its just. heres the hardware that can run a ds game. theres the software for it on a neat little cart. stick it in. go#thats the POINT of a physical game is that you can be sure you can still play the thing if the system is discontinued#as well as be able to resell it to get your money back if you don't like it#that's another egregious point towards that high price tag. you can't even resell it#sure your n64 turok game that costed 80 dollars in 1999 was also egregious but you at least had the physical ass cartridge#and you can still resell it to get that money back nowadays#you won't be able to resell a digital game best you can do it try to get a refund but i doubt nintendo is half as good as steam is abt that#so just. fucked all around
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I'm on an OC kick and also super indecisive so I spun a wheel (thank you for choosing for me, RNG).
Ricardo is a body guard and is bffs with Marlo. Ricardo's current job is watching after a celebrity's daughter who the public doesn't know even exists. She's just a teenage girl vibing with her mom and getting texts and calls from her dad (who loves her a whole lot and keeps her out of the spotlight very purposefully) and has this bodyguard and his weird friend. Marlo is just vibing with his best friend.
(Also Marlo would absolutely laugh if he heard Ricardo say "someone called me eye candy and it wasn't you and now I think you should call me that")
#my characters#i have an ask in my inbox that has me obsessively thinking about drawing fanart#but i just dont have the energy for what i want to draw for it#its been a rough day guys im dying (allergies and lacking sleep)#(why are allergies so bad today i ask after shoving my face into a cat while knowing im allergic to cats)#there are some prices i will always suffer and pay in life and the cat allergy is one of them you cant keep me away from a cat#im shoving my face in their fur and you CANT STOP ME FROM IT and also they kept bothering me#anyway i got to bed at like 6am after a lot of zoomies and restless legs and then#woke up with both cats in the guest bed with me and man i will not know peace for a few days#worth it tho bc i love them and i will take suffering if it means cattention#i dont really have much to say about the ocs tbh theyre just buddies being guys and then theres a teenage girl sometimes#and people suspect ricardo is her dad and she cant really say no my dads (celebrity) since thats the entire point of rico#so she makes sure its not troublesome for him to have people assume things like that and hes just#idc im in love with my best friend and hes not giving me any kids so not like anyone will start drama if im not with your mom#but he is also ! friends with the celebrity and his wife so he does just go on Family Outings with the wife and daughter#and sometimes marlo because the wife knows of him and invites him sometimes but she treats#rico and marlo like sons instead which is a bit weird to the daughter but she likes her weird fake brothers slash dad and question mark#marlo dyes his hair pink if that matters and has been doing so for a v long time
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Big congrats on finishing your stamp pages! Also split grundos are one of my fave pets of all time so plz tell Volks that I love him. :')
He's thankful to say the list.
#vin answers#vin memes#thank you so much aaaa!! ;-;#it really means a lot that you like one of my characters!! :D#also thanks for the congratz!! honestly i hate restocking sm and everything is so expensive i hate ms#I honestly love drawing him so I'm glad he's been well received lmfaooo#also small Khos cameo cause he's also used as a sona every once in a while#there are 2 neopets inside you theyre both idiots#technically 3 but the third I'm still not sure what to do it so bear with me LFMAOO#grundo#korbat#i geuss lmao#anyway he heard it and proceeded to completely shove it in everyone's face#so that was not a good idea JSDKFLSD#anyway thanks for the ask i love responding to stuff even if its rather a few days thank when they're sent mostly to do decent doodles#but hey#you get a funny doodle so i hope its fine LMFAOO#thats it lmao bye
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rip to the person in my dream last night who i was in a time loop trying to save </3 woke up before i ever could
#well i mean they weren't dying in the loop but he was a part of a cult i was trying to get him out of. hard to deprogram someone in one day.#i was trying different ways of going about it. first just to get myself out of there. then on 1 loop i leaned hard into the cult & ended up#dating that guy. then on subsequent loops it wasn't enough that i figured out how to get myself out of there. i needed to get him out too.#even if he didnt remember me. maybe we'd date again maybe not but either way i wanted him out of there#i remember there was a game-like mechanic to the cult where you'd get coins for doing certain things#most people had a few thousands- the high ranking people had a million or two- the person i was trying to save had like tens of thousands#you could exchange coins for prizes. one was a private dinner for 3! you; a person of your choice; and a 'famous celebrity'#(said celebrity being a puppet formerly used by the cult. it would not be manned it would just be sitting there)#it cost 4.5 million. i kept my coins in the loops. that's why i did the loop(s) of getting in the cult's good graces#i had the coins. in this loop i decided to be just interested in the cult enough to not draw suspicion. i knew buying the dinner would draw#enough attention as is. i'd gotten close enough to him that loop that we were pretty friendly and i asked if he would like to do that dinne#he was like 'haha sure but we can't afford that' at which point i showed him my coins. 4.6 million. he was shocked. i made an excuse about#helping out whenever i could. i couldn't officially ask him to the dinner yet- buying anything with coins had to go through the higher ups;#and buying big prizes made an announcement to everyone. i missed my bit of good timing of buying it right after the announcement of the#prize cause i asked him if he actually wanted to go first- a couple of the leaders were getting married and i didnt want to draw even more#attention by doing that during the ceremony. we sat next to each other at the banquet and he kept asking me questions and i asked him not t#call attention to us. he said fine but he wanted answers. i said we would take turns asking each other questions. he agreed. i was hoping t#ask him questions that would make him question the cult- i could tell him more on our private dinner of course- but i let him go first#'do you love me as a person or as a character?'#i just sat there for a while. i don't know how he knew. the answer was both. but i knew what he was really asking. 'as a character.'#he was upset of course. fictional people tend to be when they find out that they are. he was angry. he accused me of lying or something els#i held his hand and begged him not to call attention to us but that i could prove it later. he looked at me. he told me he had access to a#room he shouldn't. he hadn't been there. but its name intrigued him. 'the dream lobe.' i knew this. id seen it before. id seen him see it#before. that room contains a fragment of a large brain. and a person whos whole purpose is to explain to you that you're a part of a dream.#a figment of its imagination. once you learn that you can never leave the room. i could of course. i was the dreamer. but i learned others#couldnt the hard way. i didnt want him trapped again but he demanded to go into the room. i went with him. i watched him go through the#stages of grief again. i watched him realize he couldnt leave. i knew i could try again. loop back and buy the dinner on time and have a#chance to explain without the room and maybe let him escape. but i watched him sit devastated in that room that i could leave and i realize#i was fighting for something that may never come to be. maybe the dinner would help. but thats just a faint hope. i could break the loops#whenever i wanted. i looked at him. and i left.
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fucking OURGHHHHy
#vent post uwu i thought i was good now but we are so fucking back alas#chat is it normal to hate your mother for giving birth to you 💀#like im not really mad about her being fucking insane while raising me or whatever. im mad that she like. decided to have a kid at all#like genuinely thats the one thing i cannot forgive lol anyway.#my fault i admit. for slipping and saying out loud that im ugly next to her but i was really really clawing-at-my-face-level frustrated#but her saying to 'just let it go' cause its 'annoying' like lol&lmao easy to say for you bitch you've always been fucking gorgeous#you have no idea what it feels like to have to look in the mirror and see ✨this✨ every goddamn time.#let alone see yourself in pictures taken by someone else 🤡#like sorry but nothing infuriates me more than objectively beautiful women telling you to 💕love yourself#bitch lets switch and see how you 💕love yourself when you look like me#she's lived her 20s looking like goddamn hedy l/amarr and she has the nerve to tell me im annoying#because i nearly broke down at the brafitters and maybe let a few tears slip yesterday#and today i let my guard down and said out loud why im sad. which i avoid doing like fire because god forbid im annoying to my mom#idk bitch im so tired of living like this it sure is fucking annoying#not her fault really. she's a genuinely great mom. i just hate being alive lol#'did you see what she looks like' yeah bitch i see it every day#and believe me when i say that i still find it almost as shocking as you that a person can look like this. you're not alone in this <33
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I hate when I’ll be complaining about some stupid bullshit a coworker does to other coworkers and half the time their response is to lower their voice and go “well…. You know…. I’m pretty sure they’re… on the spectrum, you know?” And every time I have a split second when I have to consider saying “you know I’m autistic, right?” just to make them vaguely uncomfortable for a few minutes and actually think about what they’re implying but of course I do not do that because the gratification is not worth a large sect of shitty coworkers knowing that about me and then talking about me like that every time I do something vaguely annoying or dumb but man…. It does get tempting sometimes
#like idk!!! sometimes the coworkers in question DO display some common autistic traits#but that is NEVER what is being complained about (at least not by me) so WHY are we bringing it up like that el oh el#like when I say ‘yeah I don’t like this coworker because of the shitty fucking things she did to my friend’#the response should not be ‘well I think she’s autistic isn’t that so funny she’s so obsessive about stuffed animals it’s annoying’#shut up shut up SHUT UP AND DIE#I don’t CARE that they talk too loud I don’t CARE that they’re bad a social cues I don’t CARE that they do ‘weird things’#and it’s so. HFDJSJKSKSKS AAAGGHHHHH#whether they’re autistic or not MAYBE that’s not what should be getting brought up during a conversation like that when it has NOTHING to do#with it#also maybe we shouldn’t be doing shit like whispering ‘on the spectrum’ like its some awful terrible thing#just thoughts idk#and the thing is too is that even if I told these ppl I was autistic#they would 100% be the types that are like ‘oh? but you don’t ACT autistic I don’t think you are’#like actually I got very good at masking for these reasons thnx#also you think autism = Sheldon from the Big Bang theory and nothing else#but I already learned my lesson cuz I told a coworker that I wasn’t sure about exactly twice#one of them went ‘oh THATS why you’re so dumb and don’t realize when other ppl don’t like you and take advantage of you’#and then the other one went on a mansplaining spiel about how me being autistic was why adhd meds didnt work on me??????#so yeah. never doing that again. haha. hahahaha. hahahaha……#this actually happened a few days ago but it’s been Bothering me so much#I hate my fucking job….#kaz rambles
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Oh you KNOW this playlist is full of bangers when I've got 4-5 of them stuck in my head at once
#CANT WAIT TO DO THE TOURNAMENT NOW#the rotation is like#brought this on yourself - remnants of gold - five nights - five unholy nights - chronicles of bonnie#theres a few more that pop in for less time too#this hasnt happened since the first time i listened to nothing but the mechanisms for a week#IVE ALREADY LEARNED SOME OF THE WORDS TO THESE SONGS TOO AND ITS BEEN 2 DAYS#this tournament is going to be so fun#not a poll#OH YEAH special tag update on that btw#all the images are obtained and the bracket image has been made!#so all thats left to do is - edit the images to all be 500x500 - organize the images and songs Into the bracket#- make the poll matchup images - get the polls up and scheduled!!!#once i have the bracket image itself ill put that up an hour or two before the polls drop#so you have time to look if youd like!#okay this was a long update whatever anyway#if you havent listened to these songs yet you are MISSING OUT#theres some that definitely feel like Babys First Song because its a lot of smaller artists#but dont get me wrong. one of the ones with the worst mic quality is probably one of my FAVORITES#i KNOW the big artists are probably going to sweep for sure#but i HOPE its a hard won fight#2023 tournament
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wowgh.... my first free day in weeks tomorrow.....
#i have finished school.....#graduation ceremony is in a few days....#ill have like..................Actual free time again...#thats Wild#i legit was doing school shit from pretty much the moment i woke up till almost the moment id go to sleep for like#3 weeks?#more?#idk#wild shit#i gotta like.... think about Job shit soon...#but for now....................... i will just enjoy having some time to myself...#might try n do some ask blogging again soon :')c#rambles#was like actually sure id fail for a good while there... cus of how much my hand was limiting what i could do#which made me have to change my project super last minute to something more realistic#but i was pretty much starting from scratch.....😭😭😭😭#whihc.... may not have actually been all that realistic lmao#(hence the 3 week non stop working#ok no i checked n its been like probably 5 or 6 weeks damn ok)#but i lived so ����🎉🎉🎉#and got a good grade :')
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he's so real for this
#god i wish that were me#i wanna sleep as a kitty cat#mylittleguys#also hi i am sick and i feel half dead and i can barely eat or drink i am not entirely sure that i am awake right now#so thats what ive been up to the past few days :))))))#ahahahaahahahahahahahaaaaaa wish me luck o7#rly badly wanna draw but ive got a fever and im all shaky and my throat is all stuffy and i havent eaten much bc of it so i cant even rly c#concentrate at anything and i have been wasting away in my bed and i havent showered in too long and its shark week and :(((#im just being put through so many horrors rn 💪😐#when everything bad hits all at once 💪😐#this guys my new bff p sure -> 💪😐#hi sorry bout all that its been piling up :))))c#💪😐#<- for when ur on the verge of a shutdown and/or meltdown
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Despite all odds, I have arrived home safely👍
Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.
But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.
I do need to eat. But... later...
#speculation nation#im the special kind of tired where im more tired than hungry#which is to say my every cell is yelling at me to get some fucking sleep.#and i dont think id be much more successful at eating rn than i was this morning.#i ate. half a can of chef boyardee. which was half bc i was so focused on typing and half bc i could barely stomach it.#so i at least ate Something. but not as much as normal.#i did have an ensure in the middle of the day. so theres some nutrients too at least.#i'll eat after i get a few hours of sleep. when the edge is no longer so desperate.#and hopefully i'll be able to stomach things better then.#honestly have all nighters always been this hard or am i just getting older? i havent actually pulled an all nighter since uhhh#well there was kind of one on dead dad day. but that day sucked just in general.#last time i think was april '23 when i read t.rimax volume 9-14 within a 24 hour period while also finishing a final presentation.#even then tho i got like 2 hours of sleep. it was still pretty rough though.#like ok i guess those times were pretty awful and also i did get at least some sleep. which is more than today.#so it makes sense for me to be in worse shape rn. i also didnt get as much sleep the night before last as i wanted to#i got... ...maybe 4 hours sleep??? ummm. which isnt a good thing actuslly. no wonder im so fucking exhausted.#i can barely type right now i will be honest. it was so hard to bike home. it took all my focus to not drive off a bridge#or get pushed into traffic by wind. oh boy the wind sure did try.#then i almost tripped down the stairs at my apartment after grabbing the mail bc i Briefly was focused on my mail 🙄#barely present. total mess. but at least im home. and i already did all the thinking i need to do today.#i was brave. i perservered. i was tempted to give up around 6 am ish but i was like No. this is getting done TODAY.#so i did it. i turned it in. and i so bravely did my in class work for my 2nd class. even though i was so mentally not present the whole way#i did my thinking... i am home... rest soon.#actually its kind of funny im lying on my couch rn and i think if most other ppl were in my current state theyd fall asleep right here.#but the power of my insomnia is so. powerful. i am not at risk of falling asleep without meaning to.#only time thats ever actually happened are like. a handful of times i was like. the most tired ive ever been in my life. etc etc.#in fact idk how well i'll be able to fall asleep for my nap. i certainly couldnt last night despite how hard i tried.#hopefully this time... i am truly tired enough....pls i need to rest i am so tired 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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278 HOURS LATER, I FINISHED BALDUR'S GATE 3 AND IT WAS PERFECT
#ngl im tempted to write about my pixel loves now that im done#AND i wont have my pc for the next few days so its perfect timing#not to get anyones hoppes up but im just so happy rn !!! and i missed writing so maybe thats the push i needed#ALSO im sure once season 2 of tlou comes out im gonna be writing more of joel. peepaw just disappeared from my hiperfixations for a while#also also i can finally reblog all those bg3 fics i have in my drafts lol (if i dont forget about my account againn)#jay chirps#wow its been a whils since i used this tag but its rly late and i always ramble at late hours. anyway goodnight lovely people <3#bg3
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so a tumblr famous person followed me and i think they did it on a whim because they are very pro-kink and a gendie. like i am clearly critical of these things so what gives. anyways i've blocked them now.
#pretty sure theyre not like a crypto because they are very pro *listed above*#the jumpscare i got#and theyve been follwing me for a few days now and i though hmmm ill just let them unfollow me its inevitable#so maybe they follow a shit load of people and havent seen my very obvious posts#and i saw em on my dash being very pro-kink and im like thats it
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i can't believe its already july what do you mean half of the year is already over... you're saying ive spent nearly 7 months constantly drawing re:kinder— it has felt like 3 months?!
genuinely stunned it seriously has felt like 3 months to me... I was just so redoing some turnarounds i did for yuu very early on and was thinking. "wao ive really gotten more of a grip at drawing him in these last 3 months!!!" only to check the date of those early drawings of him I made to see the month DECEMBER 2023. HUH???
#not art#i talk!!!#like yeah ive obviously havent made dozens of drawings of this in 3 months thats just not possible for the condition of my hands#BUT I NEVER DID NOTICE HOW TIME FLEW BY... time sure flies when you're having fun#and yeah i did turnarounds for a character that isn't an oc of mine because i draw him a lot#and his hair is goofy and such and i want to keep it consistent at different angles. its always been because of his hair www#I DONT KNOW I LIKE KEEPING TRACK OF MY STYLISTIC CHOICES FOR CHARACTERS THAT ARENT MINE#when you draw a certain character a lot it starts to become inefficient to have to pull up multiple drawings of them for angles and color ok#but thats not the point how did half a year pass by#what a good game ... (thought in head every day because it is such a good game)#it onyl speaks to the impact of this game id say. aweosme game#ill be honest i didnt expect for myself to go on drawing this for so long back when i first drew it#when i first drew it i rushed out something not really expecting to make anything more than a few doodles#because i am dense as a rock and cannot be convinced to draw something often very easily its always been one offs for me#SO YEAH SEEING THAT NEARLY 7 MONTHS HAVE PASSED IS SURPRISING TO ME i didnt notice when i started to enjoy it this much#thank you rekinder for awakening me once more to the wonders of art will continue to draw
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.
#have been attempting to make a self-tape for this audition for DAYS#after a whole helluva lotta bullshit having to do with hunting down a time+space+camera to film with i Finally managed to get some takes#then some weird bullshit with the camera's sd card happened where i wasnt able to pull the files off onto my laptop#FINALLY able to copy the files to my laptop. FINALLY able to access playback (the video camera i borrowed wouldnt let me access its gallery#FINALLY watching them... they all kinda suck so far but thats Fine at least i Have Them yk#get to take 7 and its actually not nearly as terrible as the previous 6!! feelin pretty good abt this one!! dont get hopes too high ofc but#i mean hey this ones acceptable if the last few arent any good either & just in case i cant go thru with my plans for tmrw to do a reshoot#so yk i start to rename the file so i can tell which clip it is!#Whole Laptop Crashes#WAHOO#typed this up to avoid freakin out while carefully rebooting her. bbg dont do this to me#luckily i already saved multiple contingency copies just in case (bc ive already had so many issues i was feelin Extra Cautious)#so i at least dont have to worry about dealing with the sd card bullshit Again. ugh#EDITING TO SAY: SHE LIVES!! laptop is fine after powering back up & files are unscathed!! was able to retitle & keep on truckin no problem#god i hate dealing with video as a medium#*this* is why im a stage performer not a screen actor lmao#fuck this shit. juust gimme a floor and an audience and ill make it worrk#cameras are fickle creatures on-par with printer machines#im rly excitednervous abt this audition tho; only submitted my resume+headshot on a whim & didnt rly think anything would come of it#but they contacted me and asked for a tape!! so im like !!!!! okayy sure id love to send that !!! i just have to face The Horrors first#if i dont get it then thats not the end of the world or anyth; but itd be SO FUCKING COOL if my v first submission landed me my first gig!!#so uhh. pls put out a good thought to the universe for my self-tape landing me the chance to perform in this queer play festival !!#bee speaks#🤞🤞🤞
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