#god i hate dealing with video as a medium

[wabblebees]

.

[devilander]

in teaching you will learn (chapter 1)

18+ 3k. homelander x tutor f!reader. employer and employee sexual tension. abuse of power. fingering. AO3 link.

You accepted a job proposal to work as a History tutor to Homelander's son. It suddenly turns out to be more than you had bargained for.

prompt sent by @plasticfangtastic, thank you so much! beta'ed by @flaggermuser, love you!

Ryan was a very smart child. Powerful and smart, naturally, as any of Homelander’s offspring would be. So, to sate his endless curiosity, tutors—from the best universities, Homelander would settle for nothing else—of all subjects were hired to teach whatever was needed, whatever Ryan liked.

You had never imagined yourself in this position, History tutor to the Homelander’s son. But when you received Vought’s call, and they told you the paycheck that’d come with it, you immediately agreed. A non-supe, you wondered what it’d be like to deal with such a special kid, if Homelander would disapprove of your ways and send you packing on the first day. 

Insecurities were never your thing—you had received a M.A in History and Literature, for god’s sake! This was your turf. 

But… teaching a child? Whenever you would envision your future, you always imagined yourself as a professor, strict and serious, dealing solely with adults or, at most, young adults. 

You'd rise up, though, you knew it—even if you needed to spend all of your nights, from dusk ‘till dawn, watching videos on gentle parenting, endless courses on “childhood education” and teaching young learners. You would do it, and you would do it perfectly.

On your first day, you had a whole speech prepared, something about how much of an honor it was, how excited you were, how many ideas you already had; your stomach fluttered as you looked at his clear blue eyes, beautiful nose—

Homelander barely let you start. 

“Now.” He raised his hands, effectively shutting you up. “Enough with the yada yada, ‘kay? Let's get some things straight—all of your ideas gatta be approved by me first. And Ryan.”

“I'm sure, sir, I only meant—”

“And you'll not be berating him, for whatever fucking reason. You're not the boss here. I am. And, well, if he complains about anything, anything really, you’ll be… dismissed. That understood?” He had a congenial smile on his face, though you swore his eyes shined red, if only for a second. “Take care of my son, huh?”

He patted you on the shoulder and left. You just stood there, fuming and exasperated. If there's one thing you hated with a passion was condescending men; interrupting and disregarding your words as inane silliness. 

High and mighty as he was, Homelander was cut from the same cloth as them, it seemed. If it weren’t for your student debt piling up, you’d turn around and leave. As it were, you gritted your teeth and stayed. 

After that, though, you hardly ever saw him, and when you did, he only gave you an indiscernible look and a nod. 

Fine by me, you thought bitterly, mad at yourself that he'd surely noticed your flushed cheeks and quickened breath at your first real sight of him.

Ryan was sweet though. Sharp and eager to learn whatever you presented him with, such that you moved on quickly from fifth, sixth, to a seventh-grade curriculum. 

You found a happy medium—keeping it fun and educational. And you knew, you knew, whenever you were there, Homelander was watching you. 

And he was. Of course he was. He’d had his fair share of tutors Vogelbaum would present him with. Condescending little assholes, always thinking they knew better, reporting every minor thing he did, lecturing and punishing at their pleasure. 

As if he'd let his kid suffer the same fate. 

Education was, however, important, so he hired simpering tutors—a school would not do, no place was fit for Ryan—and those who didn't know their place were quickly taken care of. 

Yet you, the third History teacher hired (the first one was such a fucking mess—snapping his neck as soon as he left Vought was not enough for having the gall to rudely reprimand his son) were doing well so far. 

Oh, he had seen how you blushed and stuttered when you two met, and he had seen how you gradually steeled your eyes at his words. 

He had also noticed the sway of your hips, your pink, heart shaped mouth, the addictive sound of your voice—your scrunched up nose as you looked at him in poorly disguised anger.

So, yes, of course, of course he was watching, for more reasons than one. 

One day, when you and Ryan were talking animatedly about the creation of the American Constitution, Homelander decided to barge in, almost knocking the door off of its hinges.

You nearly fell off your seat in surprise, for a second scared and worried, until you saw his face. He looked as happy as a kid. Well, happier than Ryan. 

“Wowza,” he said. “What party do you two have goin’ on here? I could hear you from the hallway.” 

He could hear no matter how loud you were, but you got the gist. Smiling, though miffed at the interruption, you crossed the room, and he met you halfway.

“I was showing Ryan this book. Look.” He leaned down, his face touching yours. Oh God, oh God, wrong move. “It contains all of Thomas Paine's pamphlets published during the war in its original format. We were discussing how Paine's thoughts impacted on the Constitution’s writing.”

“Very nice,” he said, still so close to you the pure heat his body radiated engulfed your senses. And your body kept betraying, and betraying, and fucking betraying you.

“Oh, I love this part.” You thanked the heavens your voice didn't quiver, and started to read out loud. “Tyranny, like hell—”

“Is not easily conquered.” Homelander completed, and you looked up, only to find him already looking at you.

His hand then rested on your arm, lingering for a few seconds too long, his eyes locking you in place. You gulped, heart thumping in your chest—

“Dad,” Ryan bemoaned. Homelander dropped his hand instantly. “This is my class. You're interrupting us!”

Homelander frowned, then almost pouted. 

“Geez, buddy, what a way to treat your old man.” He crossed his arms; you contained a giggle. His eyes glinted mischievously as he turned to you. “Can I be your student for the day? I promise to behave.” 

“I don't see why n—”

“No,” Ryan exclaimed, interrupting you. “No, no and no!” 

Though he tried, there was no convincing Ryan. He wouldn't share the time he had with you. Inwardly, you smiled at the kid’s innocent jealousy; and thanked the heavens for the save, you certainly needed it. 

Huffing and stomping his feet, Homelander left the room, but not without giving his son an annoyed glare and you a look you couldn't—wouldn't—name yet. Maybe ever. 

Weeks passed, classes going smoothly despite your warring thoughts. You were attracted to Homelander, because of course you were; lucky you. Your boss, supe, leader of the Seven. The man who had so far threatened you, talked with you, touched you… 

Fear tinged with desire, confusion with curiosity. He was equal parts charming and infuriating. Would you dare to willingly put your hand in the mouth of the tiger? 

It became routine for Homelander to participate—or interrupt—your lessons to share his own opinions, much to Ryan's chagrin. And you… you were endeared. 

“Think you could've done a better job than Theodore Roosevelt? Really?” Your disbelieving tone didn't seem to put him off, just the opposite.

“I'm certain I could.”

His playful smile and arrogant tone annoyed you. Enchanted you. 

“Well, you should try for president, then,” you joked, catching yourself turning fully towards him. “You'll beat the records of votes and rule this grand nation!”

He hummed, winking at you. “Yeah, no. Not really in my… interests right now.”

“Would you make a Shermanesque statement on that?”

Homelander laughed, shaking his head. 

“Nah, maybe I’ll change my mind.” His eyes roamed over your body. “Couldn’t have that.” 

“What’s Sherman—Shermesque,” Ryan piped in, furrowing his brows as he stumbled over the word. “What are you talking about?”

“If nominated, I will not run; If elected, I will not serve,” you spoke at the same time and giggled, giggled!, together. Stop giggling like a schoolgirl, you chastised yourself, but you couldn't help it. There was such a thrill about flirting with danger in the flesh. 

Turning to Ryan, you explained. “It’s something William Sherman said. He was a popular general during the Civil War and was being considered as the Republican candidate during presidential elections. He, however, refused!” When excited, your arms had a mind of their own, and you found yourself gesturing wildly, enthusiastically. “His words became really popular from then on, such that it's now called a Shermanesque statement, and sometimes used by politicians and the like.”

Homelander couldn’t help but stare while you talked, entranced by your passionate speech, flushed cheeks and shining eyes. You were so fucking cute, deliciously captivating—even in your pitiful stubborn act, or all the more enticing because of it. He wanted to savor each and every moment you walked about the room; wanted to catalog your breath changes, the rises of your voice, your moving lips. 

Would you be just as responsive in another, more interesting scenario?, he wondered. Maybe you would want to take charge, bossy little thing you are. Maybe he’d have to bend you just shy of breaking you only to see you beg—beg him to fuck you, to let you come on his fingers, mouth and cock. 

His filthy thoughts raged on, only interrupted when you announced your time was up. Ryan groans in disappointment and Homelander has a hard time not doing the same. He hungers for more moments with you. Alone.   

“C’mon, kiddo,” he says, noticing Ryan stalling to tidy up his books and supplies as he liked to do. “You gotta get ready for your shooting today.”

Ryan grumbles under his breath. “I hate these commercials.”

Before he can answer, you approach, tousling Ryan’s hair and leaning down to look him in the eyes. 

“Hey, sweetheart, it will be okay. Just play pretend like we talked,” you said. “And if it gets too much, I'm sure your dad will take care of it. I'll bring you a treat tomorrow, how about that?”

He should probably put you in your place for daring to presume you know shit about him and his son—as if your puny mind could understand the greater beings they were. And yet, and yet… Ryan was smiling, rushing to embrace you though his quick heartbeat betrayed how nervous he was. You hugged him back, and looked at Homelander with such sweet grin that he—fuck, he felt fucking breathless.

He wanted to kiss you. 

When Ryan left the room, you snatched your purse, seemingly wanting to leave as quickly as possible. But Homelander stood in front of the door, unmoving, his jewel-toned eyes intensely fixated on you. 

A sudden heat spread through your body, and you let out a breathy sigh. And he noticed; eyes tracking over your face and chest, like undressing you with his mind. 

Perhaps he was. He certainly could. The thought made you desperate, you needed to run. Your apartament wouldn't be enough, maybe you should catch a bus to Jersey. Or a fucking plane to—Russia, or farther—

“Want me to give you a ride?” You were so distracted you barely heard his words, much less the double entendre. 

“What?” 

He snickered. “I said—”

“No! I mean yes. I mean no!” You shook your head, dizzy. “No, sir, I wouldn't want to trouble you.”

“Ah but there's no trouble at all, it'll take a minute. I know where you live.”

“You do?” A shudder ran through you.

“Of course, you silly goose. It's in your resume.” He tapped your nose, a gesture so off-putting you snorted, suddenly aware he'd closed the distance without you noticing. “Let's go, little miss mouthy. Don't make me insist,” he declared, voice still cheerful, but you caught the edge of it, leaving no room for argument. 

“Okay, okay… But only this time!” 

Homelander simply laughed. 

Reaching the balcony, you looked down and froze. Too high, too high!, your brain screamed at you. 

“Hehe, on second thought…” You looked at him pleadingly, a weird laugh bubbling out in sheer nervousness. You gripped the banister as if your very life depended on it. 

“Ah, ah. No takesies backsies.” He wiggled his finger in your face, and, for a single moment, two, three seconds?, caressed your cheek softly. 

Before you could react, he grabbed you by the waist and took off. Panic stricken, you hid your face in his neck, dangling legs instinctively circling his hips; much like a koala, you held on to him in all ways you could—even your fingers found locks of his hair to grip mercilessly.

Through the rush of the wind, you felt, more than heard, his laugh. 

It took some seconds to catch on to the overwhelming closeness between you two—how every inch of your body was adhering to his, how you could feel the impressive strength emanating from him, how his warm breath was hitting your neck, leaving shivers in its wake. 

You could feel it all. No matter the padded suit, you felt the tension in his muscles, the upheaval in his chest as he drew you even closer and fuck you couldn't fucking help clenching your cunt and exhaling right next to his ear—

In a second, Homelander had you on the roof of your building.

You didn't want to look up, fearing what he'd throw at you, anger and indifference or lust and temptation. Both shook you to your core. 

“Wakie, wakie,” he said, breathless, a certain roughness to his tone. His hands squeezed your back with surprising care. Each second was too long, and yet not enough. 

And then you felt it, as you started to disentangle yourself from his body, his cock, hard and throbbing, poking your stomach, dangerously close to where you ached for it the most. 

You looked up. 

There was no smirk, no mocking eyes—only a stare so intense your heart skipped a beat. 

“Thank you, Homelander, for the—for the ride. I appreciate it, despite you almost giving me a heart attack at first.” You giggled, trying to dispel the mood.

“How about you thank me by inviting me in? Y’know what they say, actions speak louder than words.” 

“No, I…” you hesitated, trying to think of an excuse but your mind went blank. “No.”

Homelander cocked his head, dazzling smile turning a little unnerving. “No? Is that right?”

“How about another day? I can—”

“I didn't fucking ask for a bullshit, out-of-pity mock invite, did I? What is it, hiding some terrorists in your shithole apartment? Or mommy’s dead body?”

If it weren't for his looming over you, you'd crack a laugh—his mind certainly went places. 

“Listen—” You started again, only to be pushed until your back hit the roof's door, knocking the air out of you. 

“You listen,” he ground out, eyes a kaleidoscope of red and blue. It was painfully exhilarating. “Don’t try lying to me. I can sense you, I can fucking smell you, your pussy is soaked.” To prove his point, he removed one glove and opened up your pants; your panties were shoved aside as he squeezed two fingers inside you. You whimpered at the burn of his intrusion, but you were so wet the squelch was loud even to your ears. “You either invite me in or I'll rip your clothes off and fuck you right here. Your choice, sweetheart.”

Homelander was being nice in giving you a choice, despite the fact you were a rude tease, and a liar to boot. His fingers kept pumping in and out of you, and he found it so fucking hard not to go all the way, not to have you against this door while you moaned so, so sweetly. 

He needed you—to feel you clenching on his cock as you did now on his fingers. And you wanted him. Fuck, you were whining and opening your legs so he could finger you better, clinging onto his waist as your head rested on his shoulder. Still, you dazedly shook your head. What was the matter with you?

“Oh, please, please,” you half begged, half moaned, raspy voice driving him crazy. “We can't, I can't…”

“Give me one good fucking reason why not, huh. One.”

Instead of answering, you kissed him. He seemed surprised at first, but reciprocated in an instant. And it was all you expected it'd be, messy and passionate and hot; he consumed you, drinking in every part of you, all you had to give, and what you wouldn’t give, he would take. 

You gathered his face in your hands, wanting a little bit of tenderness in the violent chaos of you, a little bit of love—if you could.

His hand kept working on you, thumb rubbing your clit in circles and, before you ran completely out of breath, you came so hard your legs gave out. 

Perfect for Homelander to catch, hold you onto his body as you rode the waves of your pleasure—so beautiful he was enraptured. 

After a few moments, you whispered. “I can't let you in. If I do, I won't think straight, I'll just let you do anything you want to me.” 

“Is that a bad thing, sweetheart?”

“I'm… not used to this, I don't… I haven't done much of this. You never even asked me out!” You laughed. The good humor vanished as you continued. “I can't lose this job. I need it, I like it. If we do… What will even happen to me?” You cursed your own inability to talk about this, all your eloquence going to the drain when you needed to speak of something other than History. In those moments, you always felt like mimicking some speech taught to you long ago, as if talking about your own feelings was an unattainable device. 

Yet Homelander found it amusing. Apparently he'd gotten you all wrong, or at least parts of it. For all your bravado in speaking to him, in challenging him—in your fearlessness and spunk—you were inexperienced. Innocent. Shy. Wasn't that his fucking lucky day. 

“So the baby wants me to take her on a date first, that it?”

“I didn't say that.” You raised a brow, crossing your arms. “And don’t call me baby.”

“Also I boy-scout promise not to fire you if you are a bad lay, but I doubt that, baby.”

“Oh, shut up,” you said, though there was no bite to it, only a timid smile on your face. “Okay, alright. This weekend?” 

“Friday. I’ll send someone to pick you up. Wear something nice for me.”

Before leaving, he kissed you deeply, hands nearly shaking with yearning. He wanted to take it all back and drag you to his bed, absconding with you for a day or two. But he’d waited this long and he could wait a bit longer—he’d savor every second and make it worth it.

As you walked down the stairs to your apartment you sighed, drunk in the haze of disbelief; there was no way you could run now. It’s clear you have a problem. What you should wish for isn’t what you want.

[wisteria-cherry]

forty days and forty nights (day seven!)

(it’s been a whole week wow look at you go :0)

(read them all here!)

it’s been a week since you started serving dynamight his afternoon coffee, but it felt like it’s been so much longer.

not in a bad way, of course. it wasn’t boring (that’s the last thing you’d call it) and it wasn’t tiresome to deal with the pro, either, which, frankly, surprised you, after googling him one night and finding out that, along with being the number one hero in japan, was also the number one most tiresome in japan, with an explosive temper and sharp words that could cut through steel.

but, every day, at 4:56pm, a different kind of smile appeared on your face as the door bells chimed their happy little chime and a tall blond lumbers in. he always looked so out of place. expensive-looking clothes and a tall frame in a humble coffee shop with mostly old people in nameless clothing. today was also one of those days.

“good afternoon.” you greet, already ringing up his medium black coffee. “what would you like?”

“you’re not gonna believe it.” he drawls sarcastically.

“medium black coffee for dynamight?” you grin. dynamight nods, before pausing.

“no, make it for bakugo.”

“bakugo?” you repeat, editing the name on the computer. bakugo scoffed.

“yeah. ‘m sick and tired of hearing my hero name right now.” he grunted.

“how come?” you ask as you take the bills he held out, pulling out the cash drawer to give him his change.

“more fuckin’ reporters that want interviews.” he replied sourly.

“must be exhausting.” you say sympathetically as you hand him his change and he goes to sit down at his barstool.

“can’t fuckin’ stand them.” he huffed as you pour his coffee, watching you closely.

“it’s part of being a hero, i guess.” you shrug, sliding him the steaming mug.

“that’s the part i hate.” bakugo took a sip of his coffee and seemed content with it.

“i’m a hero. i beat the shit out of villains for a living. why the hell should i be doing some god-awful interview when there are still goddamn villains out there?” he spat. he had a point, there. frankly, you weren’t completely sure of the answer yourself.

“i guess it’s all for publicity.”

“that’s exactly what it’s for.” bakugo seethed. “and i hate it. i don’t give a shit about any of that stuff.” you figured. in every interview video you’d watched of him, he was absolutely and completely grumpy, and very clearly not wanting to be there.

“you’re pretty high on the popularity rankings, though,” you point out. last you’d checked, he was number two. bakugo only scowled. sore subject. deku was number one.

“second. to deku.” he spat.

“do you intend to beat him in that area, too?” you ask curiously, indeed wondering whether his rivalry with deku would expand into a realm that he couldn’t care less about.

“…i dunno.” bakugo answered after a moment. “if i did it’d be easy as hell.”

“would it?” you reply, amused at his answer. he was grumpy and short tempered, definitely the best way to be if you want to be the most popular hero.

“i’m second without even trying.” bakugo retorted. “don’t give me that skeptical shit.”

“you’ve got a point.” you hum.

“i’ve always got a point.”

“that you do.”

“and i’m always right.”

“uh huh.”

“quit giving me that tone!” bakugo barked. you could practically see the irk mark. you only laugh.

“sorry, sorry, i’ll stop.” you raise your hands in surrender.

“you’re a fuckin’ brat, you know that?”

“you love me.” you grin. “and you’d be stuck without coffee if i wasn’t here.”

“fuck off. this isn’t the only place i get can get coffee, y’know.”

“but it’s the only place you can get it without being bothered by the paparazzi.” you counter. bakugo scowled. you were right.

“shut up, dumbass.”

“admit it.”

“hell no.” bakugo finished his coffee. “i’m done anyway.”

“leaving so soon?” you smile.

“yeah, well, i got shit to do.” bakugo replied.

“number one hero shit?” you clarified.

“yeah, number one hero shit.”

“no, make it for bakugo.”

<- previous next->

(feel free to comment + leave ur thoughts :)

[i-sold-my-soul-for-this]

Moments I have in my head that I think is medium to large funny

Neo: IT’S BEEN 4 YEARS HOW ARE YOU STILL FAILING MATH!? IT’S A BUNCH OF NUMBERS!

Dollen: YOU DO IT IF YOU’RE SO GREAT

Neo: *yoink the homework* I WILL………why the fuck is there letters in Math—?

Dollen: SEE?! YOU CAN’T DO IT EITHER

Neo: SHUT UP! I’M A DEAL MAKER I DON’T NEED MATH!

Dollen, breaking down: If I don’t have grades— if I don’t have this then…who am I?

Neo, never comfort anyone in his life: ………A fucking nobody like the rest of us?

Neo: In all my time being a demon, I have never seen such evil, such despicable, to think a human would stoop so low.

Dollen: you told me to reconnect the WiFi—

Neo: I WAS BEATING MY HIGH SCORE IN YOUR WRETCHED DINOSAUR GAME! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME, HUMAN!

Neo: god you’re such a square, dude

Dollen: ………no

Neo: What? Is my new vocabulary not groovy af?

Dollen: I will drown you in holy water—

Neo: that’s so unslay, girliepop

Neo: I fucking hate this human

Neo’s demon friend: Because he tricked you into the deal?

Neo: huh? Oh yeah, that’s too but mostly because HE ORDERED GARLIC BREAD AND DIDNT FUCKING SHARE! THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE!

Dollen: ……Neo……dude you been in door for 4 days now

Neo, completely taken in by sensory videos for cats: shhhhhhh I wanna know what happen next

Dollen: can I have Sneke?

Neo: …fucking who—?

Dollen: my emotional support danger noodle

Neo: ???

Neo’s two headed snake aka Sne and Ke (named by Dollen): *slithering toward Dollen*

Dollen: hey babies

Neo: …you named my fucking named my staff…AND YOU FUCKING NAMED IT SNEKE?!

[pan-matsuri]

I have OCs, but... it's also been many years since I last did one of this question prompts. And I am a bit of a character if I do say so myself.

1. Are they happy with their body?

Sometimes! Some parts, I'm finding, are not better with age.

2. Do they have any secret piercings or tattoos?

Secret for who? No piercings, but some people don't know about some of my tattoos because I wear clothes most of the time.

3. Do they collect anything?

Games, manga, posters, things I like.

4. What is their favorite music genre?

Alt-rock and emo from 1998-2012. Bubblegum J-pop. The soundtrack to Tony Hawk's Underground.

5. What music genre, if any, do they hate the most?

I'm not very fond of country or classical, but I really dislike acoustic pop and modern folksy songs.

6. What is their phone background/lock screen?

A picture of Rukia Kuchiki that I edited to fit my phone.

7. What is their shoe size?

10.5, unless I'm bowling, then it is a mystery.

8. Do they have a favorite fabric or texture?

Soft. Those Vellux blankets from Kohl's are from heaven.

9. Do they have a favorite professional sport?

Baseball is bestball.

10. How do they decorate their living space?

Eclectically but everything has a place.

11. Are they messy, or do they clean up?

I don't dust ever, but it's not like I'm not leaving trash around.

12. What’s their preferred sleeping position?

On my side until my hips, neck, and back complain and then I keep doing it.

13. Did they have a favorite comfort item as a child?

It's the same as the ones I have now.

14. Do they have a favorite period in history?

No.

15. Can they cook? What’s their favorite thing to make?

Yes! I don't have a lot of recipes but I make a fun curry. Take ~3 lbs of beef chuck roast (trim the fat and butcher into bite sized bits), 3 big ol' russet potatoes (peeled and cubed), 3 big carrots (peeled and chopped), 1 medium sweet onion (chopped up randomly until it's bite sized), a box and a half of S&B Golden Curry (one box is like 7.8 oz and that is not enough) and throw those all in the slow cooker. Fill it with water, like just barely less than enough to cover the ingredients. Turn the slow cooker on and then just leave it alone for around 8 hours. Maybe add apples at this point if you want, but no sooner because otherwise they will melt, and while your curry will be sweeter, it won't thicken. Beg your friends to take leftovers please for the love of god it's more polite to not leave me with all of this food in the freezer.

16. What food do they hate eating?

I'm not a picky person but there are a lot of non-leafy green vegetables that taste bad to me.

17. Do they have any allergies?

Cats, bee stings, penicillin.

18. What was their worst injury?

Broke my elbow in 2021 while riding my bike fast in the hopes of being able to feel something again.

19. What movie is most likely to make them cry?

All of them! I am emotionally broken. I started reading SAO volume 3 and was feeling it 10 pages in.

20. What movie or book could they watch/read a hundred times and never get tired of?

I mean, given time, I can and will rewatch, reread, or replay anything.

21. Can they dance? Do they like to?

No! Yes!

22. What was their favorite birthday gift?

Per question 13, an Eevee plush.

23. Which birthday do they look back on the most fondly?

I don't usually celebrate them myself. I make a bigger deal out of other people's birthdays.

24. What kind of cake or birthday treat would they prefer?

Just something with other people.

25. What is their favorite animal?

I envy birds.

26. Do they wear perfume/cologne? What is their favorite scent?

I used to use vanilla deodorant which is my favorite smell, until the distributor for all the local grocery stores decided they didn't want to carry it anymore. Now I use hibiscus which at least is my favorite flower. We'll see how long that lasts.

27. What smell do they hate the most?

Wet peanut butter.

28. What sound do they hate the most?

Any sound that shouldn't be there.

29. What video game would appeal to them the best?

I actually really like racing games but I don't play them very frequently.

30. How would they relax on a day off/rainy day?

I personally feel that I am not very good at doing this lately and it is a regular discussion item with my counselor. Even my Chinese teacher, who has such a limited view into my life, has commented that I work too hard.

31. Are they combative? What is their fighting style?

Never been in a physical fight and I find verbal fights unpleasant. Rehearsed, yet scrappy.

32. Would they be the one to start an argument?

No, but also I'm getting of tired of taking passive damage.

33. What is their personal style? Favorite outfit?

Summer: looks like they might sleep on the beach

Fall/Spring: these jackets I bought in 2014 are doing a lot of heavy lifting for my personality

Winter: please don't make me go outside it's such a hassle

Secret: women's cosplay

34. Do they have a dream job?

Teacher.

35. What do they do if they can’t fall asleep?

I don't. It sucks, but you can't force it if it's not gonna happen on its own.

36. Do they wear makeup regularly? If they don’t, would they consider wearing any?

Only when cosplaying. I would more if someone did it for me I think.

37. Do they prefer to be really cold or really warm?

Give me the heat of the summer. My body shrivels in the stupid cold winter.

38. What recurring dream do they keep having?

I don't think I have one. I'd like to have a partner I guess.

39. Can they drive? What vehicles are they licensed to operate?

Got my driver's license just in time for the DMV to get hacked.

40. Do they believe in true love? Have they experienced it?

Sure! Probably not!

41. Are they married? Do they want to be?

No! Yes!

42. If they have siblings, do they like any of them? Would they rather be an only child?

Yes! No!

43. What do they think is their worst quality? What is their actual worst quality?

Thought: Afraid of commitment because of past trauma where my closest friendships turned to dust in my hands.

Actual: I pick my nose and I know everyone knows yet I do it anyway.

44. Do they lie often? Are they good at it?

Only when it doesn't matter, like for a joke. I'm otherwise very bad at deception.

45. Are they good at keeping secrets?

Very.

46. How do others see them? How accurate is it to how they really are?

How would I know

47. What kind of first impression do they usually make?

Very good if people make time for me.

48. What are they most afraid of?

People not making time for me.

49. Would they ever kill anybody?

Not as things are now.

50. Do they have original characters of their own?

So many. They dance, they suffer, all for me, all for my pleasure.

50 Questions to Ask About Your OC

had some help from some friends to make up fifty pretty in-depth questions to get to know your OCs better! feel free to reblog this as an ask game or use it to develop your own crew

1. Are they happy with their body? 2. Do they have any secret piercings or tattoos? 3. Do they collect anything? 4. What is their favorite music genre? 5. What music genre, if any, do they hate the most? 6. What is their phone background/lock screen? 7. What is their shoe size? 8. Do they have a favorite fabric or texture? 9. Do they have a favorite professional sport? 10. How do they decorate their living space? 11. Are they messy, or do they clean up? 12. What’s their preferred sleeping position? 13. Did they have a favorite comfort item as a child? 14. Do they have a favorite period in history? 15. Can they cook? What’s their favorite thing to make? 16. What food do they hate eating? 17. Do they have any allergies? 18. What was their worst injury? 19. What movie is most likely to make them cry? 20. What movie or book could they watch/read a hundred times and never get tired of? 21. Can they dance? Do they like to? 22. What was their favorite birthday gift? 23. Which birthday do they look back on the most fondly? 24. What kind of cake or birthday treat would they prefer? 25. What is their favorite animal? 26. Do they wear perfume/cologne? What is their favorite scent? 27. What smell do they hate the most? 28. What sound do they hate the most? 29. What video game would appeal to them the best? 30. How would they relax on a day off/rainy day? 31. Are they combative? What is their fighting style? 32. Would they be the one to start an argument? 33. What is their personal style? Favorite outfit? 34. Do they have a dream job? 35. What do they do if they can’t fall asleep? 36. Do they wear makeup regularly? If they don’t, would they consider wearing any? 37. Do they prefer to be really cold or really warm? 38. What recurring dream do they keep having? 39. Can they drive? What vehicles are they licensed to operate? 40. Do they believe in true love? Have they experienced it? 41. Are they married? Do they want to be? 42. If they have siblings, do they like any of them? Would they rather be an only child? 43. What do they think is their worst quality? What is their actual worst quality? 44. Do they lie often? Are they good at it? 45. Are they good at keeping secrets? 46. How do others see them? How accurate is it to how they really are? 47. What kind of first impression do they usually make? 48. What are they most afraid of? 49. Would they ever kill anybody? 50. Do they have original characters of their own?

[ellexro]

As I Become a Star

Death scares me. It scares me to my core, so much I would never stop thinking about it, I could not function. Death has always scared me ever since I started questioning the existence of an afterlife. I feel like church is probably what triggered it. At the church I grew up in, all I heard about was Satan, hell, death, and suffering. My young mind couldn’t take it, I don’t even know if my slightly older mind could. I was in middle school when I started to have panic attacks. Not being able to sleep I would sit with my mom late into the night while she comforted me. She would tell me it would all be okay, I did not believe her though, I just enjoyed her holding me and stroking my hair.

These feelings made me so depressed. I felt helpless; sometimes, I still do. Realizing there is nothing I could do to stop it, I fell into a deep cavernous depression. I didn’t want to eat; I was scared to sleep. I didn’t like doing nothing, but I hated living even more. Not ever having existed seemed like the ideal. Worry was taking over my life, living in a constant state of panic was pure hell. We started going to the church my mom grew up in, my grandmother’s choice. That church made everything I was feeling infinitely worse. Church taught me to fear death not to accept it as a natural part of life. Our pastor probably taught us more about Satan and hell than he ever did God. Everything I was taught scared me, so bad I started to get panic attacks every time we went. Death started filling every corner of my mind, it was overtaking me. The thoughts were like a parasite placed there by God’s “holy word”.

When I was in church instead of listening to the pastor’s boring sermons about why you should love and trust God, I just sat thinking, trying to drown out the pastor. I would sit there and think about myself and my life. Why did God make me like this? If he’s supposed to love me and care about me, why is he making me suffer? Why did he make me constantly terrified of the world I was forced to live in? Why did he make me so unrelentingly terrified of the most vital part of life? He made me so terrified of the oblivion I’ve known forever yet never known.

Just being a child, eleven years old, I should never have had to deal with that. Church was supposed to uplift you, not bring you down to a lower level than when you walked in.

Why am I like this? Why am I like this? Why am I like this? I’ve whispered this to myself since I could remember being able to think. I’ve never found the answer to that question. I just wanted it to stop. I did not want to think anymore.

Stories were my escape. Whether it was writing, drawing, playing video games, reading, or just daydreaming. I was always immersed in stories, others’ and my own. Writing was probably my favorite way to distract myself though. I became my characters, lived in their world, even if it was just for a short while. My favorite genre to read and write was fantasy. Usually my main characters were based on myself, or who I wanted to be. They were warriors, fighting against evil, always the strong and silent type. Often they were immortal, a way for me to view myself as something that would always exist. It was something that would always separate me from my characters, but I didn’t care, it was a way to survive.

Over the years my writing and artwork evolved from fantasy characters with superpowers to more of a form of expression. Instead of a distraction it was a way for me to cope and get my emotions out into the world, rather than keeping them inside and stuffing them deeper. By high school I stopped writing as much and started making art more. I think art was just a more appropriate medium for the emotions I wanted to expel from my brain.

High school was better in some ways but worse in others. We stopped going to church as much, completely by the beginning of the pandemic. I wasn’t thinking about dying as much, not really sure why. But I was also super lonely. Most of my friends had either stopped hanging out with me or moved away, and I’m terrible about staying in touch. So, now I was just sad, bored, and utterly alone. Back to my mom it was. We were always close, but I think we got closer. She was the only person who was ever there for me, and stuck with me. Even with my mom it still just really stung how unwanted I was. No one talked to me, no one wanted to hang out, and it just drove the knife deeper when my “friends” who were really acquaintances talked about everything that happened when I wasn’t around.

I graduated with a total of two friends one of which lived in Idaho and the other moved three hours away a few months later. So I did what anyone who’s bored and lonely does, I got on Tinder. Tinder, surprisingly enough, was probably the best choice I’ve made so far. I didn’t catch on immediately though because I went on a few dates with some pretty weird people before I went on my last date. When I showed up he was in a green jeep twice the age of myself on a lift kit and wore jeans, a t-shirt, cowboy boots, and a cowboy hat to go with them. My first thought was, “he’s the one, I can feel it”. From then on I spent every waking moment thinking about him. He was everything I wanted and needed and still do. It felt like the gaping hole in my heart was finally full. My depression and anxiety for the most part were gone. It was like magic. And so were the next two years. Magic.

The magic changed though. After nearly three years of being together, you kind of get used to each other. I think this is when most people give up, thinking that “the spark” is gone. There wasn’t anything wrong with our relationship, we were just settling into a mundane life together. We were getting back into our old routines and hobbies just around each other. This also meant that our relationship was no longer something I could distract myself with. My depression, anxiety, everything came back swinging. I couldn’t do this again. It got so bad I couldn’t watch tv shows with anything upsetting in them. Everything triggered these thoughts of death again. I finally realized that I would never have peace if I didn’t face my biggest fear head on. So, I did.

I spent a lot of time in thought, trying to sort through the mess in my head. It took a lot of time and a lot of thinking. But, I realized that my family and my fiancé are everything, they’re my entire world, and I want to enjoy my time with them. I realized I don’t want to spend the rest of my life suffering. I want to be better and turn my life around. I want to enjoy life. This life is the only one I’ll have and I need to make the most of it. I also realized that death is just something I will have to face someday and as scary as it is I shouldn’t let it control my life. It will be okay, I will be okay, whatever happens or whatever is waiting for me.

I have come to terms with death. Even though I don't know what comes after, I have accepted it. I don't know if I believe in a heaven or hell, or even a form of consciousness. What I do believe though, is that I will be something more, something beyond my wildest dreams. Maybe I will become rock in the crust of the planet, or get squeezed so hard I become a diamond. Maybe at the end of the Earth’s life I will go off into space. Maybe, I will become a star. Maybe there is something waiting for me, my family will be there and I’ll watch my great-great grandkids grow up from beyond the grave. Maybe there is nothing and I will just return to that non-existence I started out as, completely oblivious to the universe that created me.

My only wish is to spend eternity with my one true and only love. Maybe I really will spend eternity with the one I love, my beloved fiancé. Placed in the ground next to each other, we will become one with each other as we become one with the Earth. An eternity to spend wrapped in each other's presence and love, which above all else, will be eternal.

-Elle R.

[jadedpen]

Welcomed with open arms

Sibling!Half phantom!GN!Reader x Sbi family (+ Tubbo)

Summary: You are stuck in the cold snow as a small toddler in a basket. As the snowstorm roared, Phantoms circle around you, letting out wails of woe and sorrow. Suddenly, you hear the flapping of big feathery wings and see the Phantoms fly away. You then see a mysterious man with a white and green striped hat and welcoming blue eyes.

For context: Wilbur and Techno are twins, the reader is the youngest of the family with Tubbo being 1 year older than Tommy. The twins are 11 years old, Tommy is 4 and Tubbo is 5.

TW: There is a small part in the beginning where the reader almost dies from hypothermia, so be mindful of that, please!

Also, don’t worry, this work will have multiple chapters, so stay tuned!

Sorry if this is kinda bad. This is my first time writing a reader fanfic.

Ao3 link here

___________________________________________________________________________________________

The bitter cold touched your skin as your breath came out slow and steady. Your fingertips glowed blue and your thin wings weren’t much help to warm you up. The basket you were placed in by your unknown parents barely kept you alive all these hours, the thin blanket wrapped around you.

Phantoms circled you, seeing you as one of their own. You could sense the distraught and worry in their cries and their wails. As they swooped down, they tried to pick up the basket that carried you, but to no avail. Your tiny toddler hands tried to reach out to them, wanting nothing more but to be carried somewhere where you won’t freeze in the storm. You let out small wails and cries, those very much akin to a Phantom, until you heard a caw.

One caw became ten, and suddenly there was a whole murder of them, so many that the amount started to block the storm. Some even tried to attack the phantoms, but they wouldn’t leave you alone. They’d rather die than let the crows have their way with you.

But, there came a large beating of wings. Ones way more than the huge murder swirling around you. As the beating wings died down, you could hear the thumps of footsteps coming towards you, and feel something or someone pick you up. The hands were the warmest thing you’ve ever felt, and your eyes met the mysterious person’s bright welcoming blue. The eyes could convey so much; uneasiness, pity, curiosity.

They wore a large hat, one that was green and white striped. Medium blond hair came out of the sides with a small braid in the front and little knickknacks hanging from the strange hat. Huge black wings stood behind them, making them seem larger than the storm from your view. Even though your vision was impaired from the cold, you could see a small bit of what they was wearing aside from their head; a green opened kimono with a black turtleneck and a strange red heart in the middle.

The person looked up at the phantoms, not noticing that their wails were of worry. They pulled out a bow and a sharp arrow, aiming it at the phantoms. You could tell that the person meant harm, and so you wailed at them to make them stop. The person looked at you, and then the phantoms. They finally noticed the roars of the Phantoms were wails and cries, meaning only woe. The person seemed to call to the crows, and the crows obeyed. Birds swooped down to the ground where you and the person were set, no longer focusing on the Phantoms.

The snowstorm got worse, cold even colder. It became harder and harder to breathe or keep your eyelids open. Eyes barely open, you could see the person holding you have panic in their eyes, looking up ahead and wings wide open. Your tiny hands clutched the cloth on their chest, trying to find even the slightest bit of warmth you could feel as the person held you and carried the basket in hand.

You felt the person run, and then take flight. Wind blew on your head as your eyes closed all the way, hearing the caws of crows seem to follow this mysterious person.

A few minutes later, you hear the storm dying down, becoming only a midnight breeze. The person carrying you descended down to the ground, walking towards something warm. Despite the storm now over, you couldn’t open your eyes, seeming to be iced shut.

A huge wave of warmth filled the air as the person opened the door to what you assumed to be their house. You heard childlike voices, 3 to be exact. You weren’t able to understand them, but you were happy to know that you weren’t the only person anymore.

“Who’s that?” A small voice said; you could feel their beady eyes staring at you. ”It’s a baby. I found them freezing in the cold. I’m happy I saved them; any longer and they might’ve been left to die. Poor thing.” The deeper voice came from above you, seeming to come from the person who saved you. The person then sat on something soft and held you in their lap.

“Are you seriously considering adopting another sibling? We already have to deal with Tommy-” “HEY!” Two voices argued, one being slightly deeper and older but still young, and the other being loud and boisterous, being the same small voice you first heard.

“Both of you shut up. Who cares if we have another sibling, this ones adorable.” A separate voice spoke up, setting a warm hand on your tiny toddler one. You lightly grabbed the person’s bigger hands, warming your seemingly frozen hand even more.

“So… do we have a new sibling now?” “Seems like it.” The two older voices continued, “Well, I just hope they don’t turn out like Tommy- “GOD DAMMIT TECHNO-“ Loud arguing could be heard while you continued to hold the mysterious boy’s hand. Opposite to the loudness, the mysterious man from before spoke, “Would you like to hold them Wil?”

You assumed he nodded his head as the striped hat man handed you to ‘Wil’. The boy held you in his arms while the striped hat man softly caressed your head lovingly. You climbed onto the Wil’s sweater, burying your face into the soft material.

“Boys, could you stop arguing before you upset the baby.” “But Techno is being a bitch!” “Tommy! Where did you hear that word?” “Nowhere!” “Shut up Tommy. Before you cause Phil to finally get those hearing aids.”

The three continue bickering while you and Wil just vibe with Wil patting your head and you snuggling into his warmth. After a few minutes of arguing, they finally calm down and crowd around you.

“Alright. I’m going to go and fix up some proper clothes for them. In the meantime, try not to make the child cry, okay?” The striped hat man said, walking out of the room.

You could feel their eyes on you, with Wil still patting your head while a hand held yours. You slowly opened your eyes for the first time in the house and finally saw your new family.

The boy named Wil had curly brown hair with bangs to right of his face, pointed ears, and brown eyes; big round glasses adorned his face and a red beanie upon his head, with a big yellow sweater. The person holding your hand looked almost exactly like him. His hair was the same as Wil’s, though it was to the right, with square glasses and the same pointed ears, with his sweater being pink. A small tusk grew out of each of their mouths, being on opposite sides.,

Wilbur swooned to you, “Hi there. I’m Wilbur.”, smiling at you with a big smile. “This here is my twin, Technoblade, but just call him Techno or Tech.” He looked over to said twin, with Techno staring at you and then patting your head.

The smaller one, who had blonde hair and blue eyes wearing a white shirt with the sleeves being red, looked just as boisterous and loud as he acted. He looked at you curiously as you turned your head to look at him, and to your surprise started poking you in the cheek rather annoyingly with you groaning out of annoyance and snuggling up to Wilbur.

“Tommy, stop poking them you’re gonna make them hate you.” “Shut it Wil, you know I will be the favorite brother. Better than you or Techno or even Tubbo.”

Speaking of the devil, the one you assumed was ‘Tubbo’, due to his name only now being said and the rest having said their names, walked down the creaky stairs; a blanket over his shoulders. The boy had messy brown hair and goat pupils in his blue eyes.

Tubbo walked towards the couch, rubbing his eyes in tiredness. “Phil told me that we apparently have a new sibling.” He walked towards you and sat in front of Wilbur, staring into your (e/c) eyes. “What’s their name? Have you guys even figured out a name?” “I think we should wait until Phil gets back. We don’t want Tommy to try and name them ‘Big Man’.” Saying this, Techno squeezes your hand. “But anyway, I had this super weird dream-“

As Tubbo started ranting about various dreams he’s had over the week, Wilbur nudges Techno and hands you to him. Reluctantly, Techno holds you, with you snuggling into his sweater, which was made of the same material as Wilbur’s.

A few minutes pass and Tubbo is still talking about his dreams when Phil comes in. “Alright. I’ve set up a room for the little one. Considering they seem to be half Phantom, there aren’t any windows since I don’t know if they are affected by the sun or not.”

“Great. Speaking of, what are we going to name them?” “I say we name them Big Man!” “That’s a horrible idea Tommy!” Wilbur and Tommy continue to argue while Phil, Techno, and Tubbo all crowd around you on the couch. “So… what should we name them?” Tubbo started. “Well, what about something nice? Something… simple but fitting.” Tubbo and Phil listed off possible names, seeing if anything would stick.

“What about… y/n?” The rest of the family looked at Techno, the person who suggested the name. “Y/n?” Wilbur stated, thinking over the name. “Y/n. A lovely name.” Phil smiled, looking at you.

“Welcome to the family, Y/n.”

[hopeymchope]

I haven't fully watched the new Higurashi yet (you can include spoilers for OG higurashi and the sequel in your answer, it's fine!) but from what I've heard and seen myself, Satoko was extremely out of line towards Rika and nothing Rika could've done could justify how Satoko basically abused and tortured her. The fact that they reconcile at the end puts me off because how can you forgive someone who forced you to relive your worst traumas?

*MAJOR SPOILERS FOR 2020-2021'S "HIGURASHI GOU" AND "HIGURASHI SOTSU" ANIMES HEREIN*

I wasn't sure how to speak to this Ask because the Ask itself is a massive spoiler (and obviously it's possible some people here might not be wanting that), but it's also Anonymous. So I have to answer it publicly if I'm even gonna respond. I guess I'll just roll with the huge spoiler warning there, put a bunch of spoiler tags in, and hopefully that'll do enough.

God how I hate Gou and Sotsu, though. *sigh* It's not the sequel story I hate the most out of any sequel ever, but it's definitely one of those sequels that... any time I go back to the original, it's tainted by the knowledge of what canonically came later. It'll never not be damaged by these things. Taking a story that had a beautiful and satisfying ending for decades, then going back to add a new sequel that not only undoes the triumph of that ending complete but ALSO radically reinterprets one of the beloved characters into a villain now is just... SUCH a "fuck you" to everybody who ever loved the original.

There’s nothing like hugging it out after 100 years of physical and psychological torment.

But that long-ass video I recently linked to also taught me a lot of things about how it turned out the way it did — and where you can go to get a better version of the same basic tale. Though even then, I still have a lot of misgivings.

For starters, I learned that franchise author Ryukishi07 wrote down the basics of what was supposed to happen in every arc and the overall narrative for the anime team at Passione, and then he let them handle the details. The actual scripts were handled by the writers at Passione, and Ryukishi07 said he was frequently shocked and surprised by what they did in the storyboards and scripts. He wouldn't have written things that way himself. But because he A) believed they were the experts when it came to animation, not him, and B) has always embraced other creators coming in and giving their own narrative spin to the 'When They Cry' multiverse, he always signed off on/approved anything they showed him, no matter how much it deviated from his own vision. Which, I'd argue? Was a big mistake. Because when you're giving us the first official full sequel to such a beloved story solely in anime format - there's never going to be any other "Ryukishi's version"? That means you need to make sure the characters are being done right and the events make sense. You need to make certain it's all true to that original tale. No, maybe this isn't the medium you're comfortable writing in. But that doesn't mean you can afford to look the other way when you think "Wow, that's completely NOT what I intended" over and over.

Secondly, I learned much more about the manga adaption of "Gou" and its own unique take on the sequel — which is called Higurashi Meguri. By the time Sotsu was finished airing, the "Gou" manga was just wrapping up, and the mangaka embraced the opportunity to do take the same framework and tell a version of the story that is significantly different. The result is that the manga is much more in line with the characters and tone of the original story than the anime was, because the author has seen how much the anime didn't work and is able to course-correct in a million small ways. The same basic events are there, sure. But it's all about a hundred times better-handled so far. 

HOWEVER... there are some flaws that are going to remain inescapable. When you end one season/series on a cliffhanger that you proceed to ignore for like 13 episodes before you get around to dealing with it in the second season/series? That’s stupid, and it’s an example of something kind of inescapable in the structure of the damn thing. More importantly, as far as I'm concerned? The entire concept of this sequel was doomed from the fucking jump. Getting a version with better writing and better motivations and more believable actions on the part of the characters is GOOD, sure, but that doesn't mean it's not STILL a huge "fuck you" to have these basic events take place at all. Y'know? Like, I respect Meguri, sure. But I still don't particularly WANT it.

...this is all a really overlong lead-in to my point, which is that: In Gou and Sotsu, they sometimes try to imply that Satako isn’t really in control of her own actions, Or at least, the Satako we’ve always known isn’t in control? There’s seemingly a new, second personality in there - a “witch” who may or may not have been brought into existence by her interactions with Eua inside the sea of fragments. (And again: The whole “a god-being inside the physical domain of the the sea of fragments is communicating with Satako to cause her to become corrupted” is something I find inherently bad and dumb that you can’t really ignore in this story.) So this arguably removes some degree of guilt from Satako? (This is heavily muddied by how the storytelling handles the whole “Dual Personality” aspect in a bad way, but that’s another can o’ worms.) 

On the flip side, the alternate telling of these events in the Higurashi Meguri manga takes this idea much farther, making it far more blatant that Eua damages Satako’s mind against her will and forcibly manipulates Satako into her new corrupted form. Satako is far more of a victim in Meguri than she ever is in the anime; it’s obvious that she’s not in control of anything anymore. She’s just a puppet that Eua is using to ensure that Rika continues to be “interesting.”

So I guess my point is, yeah, I get what you mean about the anime in particular. I guess this is supposed to be an exploration of how their relationship became too co-dependent, but it really just makes Satako look like a psychotic asshole. But in the manga? Well, Meguri isn’t finished, but at this point, I can far better understand why someone would forgive Satako in THIS scenario. It really isn’t her fault that this happened to her OR Rika. 

[thedarkcoven]

Don't Let the Devil Inside ~ Part 3

Minors DNI! 18+ ONLY!!! Warnings (for the whole story): Alcohol use, tobacco use, violence, talk of death and suicide, smut, choking, hair pulling, angst, manipulation, abuse of power, noncon, loss of virginity, friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, public sex (car sex), oral sex, unprotected sex (please be safe), marking, possessive/protective!Arvin, dom/soft!Lee, semidark!Lee, jealous!Arvin, age gap: the reader is 24 and Lee Bodecker is 40. Modern Day setting ~Taglist:

@turbolisedcomet

@silentkiller2374

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You woke to Arvin sitting up and watching videos on his phone with a cigarette between his lips. He smiled down at you, his medium-length chocolate locks slightly cascading down into his vision as he noticed you stirring awake. He turned the videos off and put his cigarette out before helping you sit up. You winced at the pressure from the assault Lee had given you yesterday. Arvin's brows knitted together at the sudden noise, afraid he squeezed your arm a bit too roughly. "You okay?" You only nodded, not wanting to talk about the incident with him. "Yeah. Back just hurts a bit. You hungry? I can make us some breakfast." "Sure. Your ma and pa went to work. Oh, they wanted me to let you know they'll be leavin' for their anniversary vacation for a month tonight. They left you some money and the card to buy some food for the month." "That's tonight? Damn time flew by. And I told my pa not to do that. I got money of my own from the restaurant." Fuck... the restaurant. You remembered Lee was going to be there. Arvin sat, freezing a bit as you quickly stripped down into your bra and underwear before grabbing your work shirt and shorts. Thank God your boss let the employees wear shorts or pants with a shirt as long as it matched the dress uniform's colors. Your shorts stopped just before your mid-thigh so when you bent over they hugged your ass, causing Arvin to inhale sharply. You were too fed up with the thought of having to deal with the Sheriff today that you didn't hear his noise. You turned at smiled at him, pulling your hair up into a messy bun before grabbing your apron and walking to the kitchen. Arvin followed and sat down at the kitchen table while you started the coffee and breakfast. After finishing the food and the mug of coffee you rushed to do the dishes, glancing at the clock to make sure you had enough time to get to the restaurant. Arvin let out a slight chuckle at your slight panic even though you had enough time. You were always panicky when you thought you'd be a bit late. He hurried and pulled his pants, boots, and shirt on before grabbing his hat. You sighed and snatched the hat from him, swatting him softly with it. You hated when you couldn't see his hair. You always loved playing with it. "I told you stop wearin' that hat." You chuckled, with a smile as you both headed to his truck. "Why? I like wearin' it." He stated as he began to drive to your workplace. "'Cause. I love your hair. Keep it out." You smiled and ruffled his hair with your hands. Of course, Lee was waiting, leaning against his cruiser with a bouquet of flowers in hand and a thing of chocolates. You raised a brow, unaware he had a date today. You kissed Arvin's cheek before waving bye to him and walking over to the sheriff. "Afternoon, Sheriff. Who's the lucky gal if you don't mind me askin'?" He smiled slightly, the toothpick twirling from his tongue moving in his mouth as he stood straight, holding them out to you. "You, darlin'. I wanted to apologize for last night. Was uncalled for. I don't want you hatin' me anymore." "Lee... I-I mean, Sheriff. You didn't have to." You couldn't help but smile. Who knew the Sheriff had a soft side. A small hum left you as you closed your eyes, inhaling the flowers. "I did. I wanted to." He chuckled. "Come on before you're late. I don't wanna be the reason you're late to work." You smiled and nodded. "O-Oaky. You're not gonna make me pay you back for this... are ya?" You joked, eliciting a chuckled from him. "Unfortunately, yes. Unless you don't want to." You held up a finger before running to the back to clock in then grabbed your pen and pad, returning to Lee. "Oh? What's that?" "A date? Tonight after you get off?" You blushed, not realizing if you were dreaming or not. You couldn't stand the Sheriff so why did he all of a sudden make you feel this way? "Aren't I too young for ya, Sheriff?" You giggled, smiling down at him as he sat in the booth. "I don't have a problem with your age. Aren't I too old for ya?"

"Touche... but like yous aid. I don't have a problem with your age, Sheriff. Alright. I'll have dinner with ya. Where to?" "It's a surprise." He winked, smiling up at you." "Okay. I'll hold you to that. What would you like to have, Sheriff?" "I'll have some fried chicken with mashed potatoes and coleslaw. Pepsi too please?" You wrote it down quickly and then on another paper wrote down your number, ripping the paper out and handing it to him with a soft smile. Lee smirked to himself and quickly saved your number in his phone, watching as you hurried to the back. Kate gave you a questioning look as she gave the cooks the order. You bit your lip trying to keep from smiling but failed. "What?" "So you and the Sheriff, huh? Thought you hated him?" "He apologized. Said he never meant to be a dick to me. He asked me on a date." You confessed, now feeling a bit shy. "I shoulda put on makeup-." "Oh hush, Y/N. You're beautiful. "Sides... Lee fancies you without it. What if he wants sex from you?" Your eyes went wide at her words, feeling nervous. "I-I'll tell him I don't want it yet. I don't think he's really a bad person-." "I'm just fuckin' with you, Y/N. Jeeze." She giggled, hugging you tightly. "Just enjoy yourself tonight. You deserve relaxation. YOu're always so up tight." "True... You're right. I can't wait." Lee smiled at you as you handed him his check, feeling a little shy under his gaze. His fingers brushed against yours as he stood, grabbing the check from you. He smiled and placed the money in your hand then slipped your tip into your apron. "What time ya get off?" "I have a short shift so I get off in four hours." "Alright. I'll be here for ya then." He smiled and pressed a kiss to your cheek before walking over to the door and waving bye to you before the sound of the bell announced his departure. The rest of your night went well and pretty quickly. Only one or two bad customers complained about you not being quick enough when it wasn't even your fault or the cooks with how 'slow' the food was cooking for them. Once you were outside you breathed in, enjoying the feeling of the slight cool that was amongst the warmth of the mid, almost, late summer air. Arvin smiled and waved at you as he sat in his truck, only to then glare when he saw the Sheriff pull up beside him. You walked over and got into the cruiser, leaving him confused. You rolled down your window, signaling him to as well. He did so but you could tell he was unhappy. "I got a date with Lee. I dunno if I'll be home tonight but I'll text you when I do. Okay? Love ya, Arvin." Before he could object Lee drove off. The street light flashed in the car's cab as you zoomed by. You looked over at Lee and noticed he was eyeing the chocolate. A giggle escaped you before popping open the container and putting a piece to his lips. "I-I wanted to wait to share with you." When he took the candy into his mouth, his pink lips wrapped your finger. The feeling of his tongue against your skin made you shiver as you pulled away slowly. "You didn't have to, sweetheart." He stated after finishing the delicious caramel-filled candy, his tongue darting out to get the bit of chocolate that was stuck to his lip. "So, Sheriff. Tell me where is our date gonna be?" "My place. I want to cook you dinner." You felt your heart swell up with excitement. You've never had a guy you date or been with cook for you. Lee was going to make sure you were pampered. -Note: Sorry if this was a bit short <3 Hope you enjoy, lovies!!

[leejeongz]

nsfw a-z BX (cix)

🔅requested by: @bruisedbananas thanks 👀a whole lot👀 for requesting this hehe🔅

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

super fucking snuggly and happy. he takes great care when cleaning everywhere not to neglect you too, so he often innocently showers with you (even if it’s annoying that you can’t both get water at the same time) and takes the sheets off the bed when you’re doing your night routine. he thinks sharing water is a romantic activity (in a jokey but also not jokey kind of way) so that’s always a thing too.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

on you, he likes your jawline and ears (is this just me being hopeful?) did you guys see that dance video thingy where he went straight for seunghun’s ear to kiss it 👀🤚🏼. this man loveeessss kissing and biting your ears and seeing the effect it has on you.

on him, he loves his eyes/eyebrows. they’re so expressive and let you know EXACTLY what he wants. he might get a little shy telling you, but he knows that you know just from looking into his eyes. he loves that they have that effect on everyone xo.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

anything that will make a mess. doesn’t really want to finish inside you unless you fully agree to it and you’ve spoken about it. he feels it’s much safer and a lot more satisfying to cum on your face or on your back. he likes that way it looks, when he looks at it, it’s a reminder of how he felt and usually makes him wanna go for another round straight after.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

he prefers getting head to actual vaginal or anal sex. not that he’s selfish, he will always pleasure you. he just prefers the way it feels, the way you look, the eye contact brings him closer to the edge than eye contact during “actual” sex. god he just loves wet sloppy head and fucking your pretty little face until you ✨cry✨.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

i think he’s had 1 or 2 partners but he’s not all that experienced. like he maybe did it once with each one. but he receives head every week because he can- he knows what to do when you suck him off lol.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

he likes doggy but nothing will ever, EVER beat good old missionary. he likes “accidentally” leaving his chain on and watching it hit you as he fucks you. wow he’s so kind. in this position, he can also give you as much attention as you wish and has easy access to all of you.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

i wouldn’t say humorous but definitely smiley. he loves you, he loves doing naughty things with you, he loves making you his, of course he’s gonna be happy.

when he’s in one of his super horny moods though… an expression change is very unlikely, let alone a positive, happy, smiley one.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

tends to just leave it and just go natural. sometimes he’ll shave completely but he doesn’t really like it.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

it depends entirely on his mood. most sex is sloppy and sleepy but romantic and soft, with lots of praise and “i love you”s thrown around.

some sex is distant, with very little care for romance or softness. this is quite rare, but when it happens it’s very intense and unforgettable.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

probably does this quite frequently to relieve stress and just idk escape? usually does it at night when everyone else is asleep because he can get a little 🤫groany🤫 but like… in a good way.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

bdsm- knife play- i explained this a little more in the “risk” part but he lovesss the vulnerability this creates. the trust you’ve given him to do this makes him feel more connected to you romantically too. i mention this in the “volume” part but he likes to say nothing during knife play, behaving a little crazy just for your fantasy.

praise (giving)- when he’s in one of his soft moods, he loves to tell you how good you’re making him feel. his favourite thing to tell you is “there’s no one better at x than you”. he wants to make you feel like it’s all worth it and that he’s never going to leave you because you’re so good (but not in a manipulative way, like he’s serious about it).

gagging 👅- he gets off to you gagging on his dick because it really brings it home that he’s THAT big. he also likes makes you suck on his fingers, especially while he’s fucking you, so sometimes they accidentally (on purpose) go a little too far down and would you look at that, you’re gagging again.

maybe also daddy kink 👉🏼👈🏼 but he doesn’t wanna be basic so he never lets on.

urophilia- ok don’t hate me bc i wrote this (bc we do not kink shame in this house) but i do think 😳 he’d be more than down for showering you in his piss. of course this has to be something you’re into and comes into play only when you’ve discussed it a whole bunch and when you’re both in the mood to do it. he’s not just gonna piss on you for funsies.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

at the dorms in his shared ;) room. maybe you’ll get caught, maybe you won’t 🤷🏻‍♀️. he likes both of you being comfortable too so somewhere like his bed is preferable (he won’t use their beds tho that’s not his style)

also likes public toilets but only clean ones lol bc dirty ones can really dampen the mood. restaurant toilets 👀👀 after you’ve put your hand on his crotch 👀👀 after HE put his hand on your thigh when he knew you were horny even before you left the house 👀👀

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

pretty much everything. you could do something completely innocent and he’d be like “what are you doing? are you doing that on purpose?” and ur like no i’m just ?? washing the dishes. but he’s too turned on by this point to care about your response anyway. most likely in these instances, if you’re not up for it, he can contain himself or takes it elsewhere to deal with it alone

when you lick your lips or bite them… that’s the thing that gets him going the most. in that moment, he just wants to feel your lips wrapped around him until he busts all over your face.

he also gets really turned on when you laugh and smile at him but he’s yet to work out if that’s a sexual thing or not

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

i said he likes gagging you with his dick and his fingers but he would never take is as far as making you throw up. a real big turn off, even if he’s never experienced it he knows he doesn’t like it. of course he’d help clean up if it did happen (if he could stomach it) but he’d never do it on purpose and all sexual activity would stop there for the time being.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

as i said before he likes nothing more than being sucked off. he likes putting his hand under your chin or the back of your head and forcing your head down further. he’s quite verbal when his dick is getting sucked but he’s sick of telling you to look at him so he makes you look at him by putting his hands on either side of your head and tilting it up occasionally.

his skills with his tongue are no fucking joke. he could be down there for just 30 seconds sometimes and you’ve already cum over his face. it makes him super happy when you get giggly and excited when he goes to eat you out.

he understands that some people don’t really like to receive, so he’ll only do it if you want him to, but after he’s finished you’ll be wanting him to go back down on you again and again.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

i think he would be quite sloppy ngl. so he doesn’t really have a set pace, just a happy medium for himself. he can get quite rough when he’s not tired, especially when he’s about to cum.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

he likes the risk factor of a quickie in say public toilets for example, but the quickie itself doesn’t really do much for him. unless of course, you’ve teased him enough to only last those few minutes (but the teasing is more likely to be the other way around wink wink)

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

with the right person, yes. he doesn’t want you to feel obligated to accept whatever he wants to do so he doesn’t experiment that much, but he’d like to. i think he’d like to bring bdsm into the bedroom but only if you’re 100% okay with it.

talking to eve makes me think he likes knives YOU SEE WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME?! like he’d love to show you the blunt knife, blindfold you, and then gently drag it across your skin. of course this would take a lot of practice to perfect but he thinks it would be worth it for you if you get stimulated by knives.

he kinda likes the idea of getting caught too. like if it actually happened he’d probably be mortified but the possibility of one of the other members walking in on him fucking you ugh he loves it. kinda thinks he could teach people how to fuck you right if they ever caught you too but is NOT prepared for that to happen lmao. also not prepared to share you either :)

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

2 rounds. he gets turned on thinking back on what just happened and wants it again almost immediately. byounggon sex god me thinks. like no other man hehe.

although he doesn’t last too long the second time. his stamina is probably cut by 5 minutes and there is far less foreplay involved.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

not really a fan of toys. would much rather see you get off to him and him alone. i lowkey think he would get jealous if you used a toy lol. would go to the extent of hiding all your toys and acting oblivious when you couldn’t find them. “oh well, i’ll guess you’ll just have to use this instead”

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

a whole lot. A WHOLE LOT. and he realises it. like i said, his eyes do all the talking, even if he is teasing you, you know what’s about to happen anyway. he’s probably gonna toy with you and tease you even before foreplay, just so you beg for even the slightest touch. he’s got you wrapped around his little finger, but it’s only fair since you have him wrapped around your little finger.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

he’s actually not too loud, except for when he cums. at that point, he’s groaning and almost whimpering. sometimes he does it as a warning to make you stop sucking his dick because he doesn’t wanna drag your head away when your mouth feels so good.

during intense sessions, he’s silent during sex. both you and him agree that it adds to this “crazy guy” persona that he takes on and it stimulates you both a lot. you being the only one moaning can make you feel a little insecure, a little vulnerable, and it’s something you both enjoy in the moment.

for less intense sessions, he will sprinkle a little bit of dirty talk and praise because ur doing good and he wants you to know that he likes what you’re doing.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

he leaned down a little, his length naturally coming out of your mouth.

“kiss me” he growled. you sat up a little, lips meeting his for the nth time that night. he pulled away abruptly and replaced his lips with his dick once again.

“open” he pried your mouth open with the tip and looked down at you in admiration. “how much are you gonna take this time?” he asked, smirking.

“all of it” you managed to muffle out.

you felt his hand come to your chin, firmly grabbing it and forcing your head down further. he always tells you he’s going to be gentle, but the only gentle thing you can feel in his thumb stroking your cheek absentmindedly. you’re afraid to mention it in case it stops.

“i’d like to see you try” he responded between subtle groans.

you’d been trying for a few minutes, yet you could only take half, and by now he could see it wasn’t working, time for a new method. he pulled away from your mouth and hinted that you should lie on the bed, which you did so immediately.

“turn over” he demanded “and have your head over this side” you patted the edge of the bed. you lay on your back, head dangling over the side, waiting for him.

“you might cry” he warned, before attempting to put the entirety of his dick down your throat. you gagged and he backed away, pleased with himself.

“again” he warned, repeating the action. “you’re taking my cock so well”. he’d done it, you’d taken it all, multiple times. he quickened his pace, your throat already feeling sore.

soon, he completely forgot about warning you, you were too dazed to register it anyway. there was spit all over your face, all over the bed surrounding you, all over him, who was a few seconds away from cumming. he managed to pull away from your mouth in time, releasing his cum all over your naked upper half.

“look at the mess here” he groaned “you’re such a naughty little girl” he said while making his way around the bed, getting ready to give you the best treatment you’d ever receive.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

👀 okay so first of all he’s in cix soooo we all know that they’re ALL blessed.

i think he’d be just a little over average length but girthy as FUCK. he likes using the phrase “stretch you out” because he knows his dick is phat lol.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

when he’s with you, his brain doesn’t immediately go to sex, but he is constantly horny (like most people let’s be real). he’s down to do it when ever you are, it’s less about when he wants it and more about when he can have it (do u get me i feel like that was v broad lol)

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

he REALLY wants to stay awake and cuddle with you but he’s tired. like super tired. as soon as his head hits the pillow he’s out like a light.

i'd just like to clarify that i think he can switch between hard dom and soft dom, that’s why there’s not one real heavy focus in this (not that there always has to be roles anyway ofc). but either way he’s definitely a dom and he’s almost always one for dom/sub sex (wth is the phrase for that omfg)

[norealnameshere]

Arie Rambles About Text Hypnosis!

(A long writing/essay about what I’ve learned about text hypnosis and the stuff I commonly tell people when they ask about it. :3 )

I adore text hypnosis. I’ve had chances to experience all of the main hypnosis mediums (other than in person, text, voice, video being the others) from BOTH sides, as a tist and as a subject, and text hypnosis is still probably my favorite. 

It also seems to be the least known and least liked of all the mediums, and I’ve found myself writing and rewriting information about and defenses of it time and time again, and I had the idea to write up a neat little document to share and save myself some time. X3

In this (extremely long) piece of writing, I will mostly be addressing a lot of the questions and complaints I’ve heard from people when I tell them I do text hypnosis. The main parts will be a discussion of trance states, the complaints people tend to make, a list of advantages vs disadvantages (and some suggestions for dealing with them), and a bit about tips and tricks and advice from what I do and what I’ve done. X3

Before I begin, I still very much consider myself an amateur, please do not take this as straight fact, it is merely a writeup of my opinions and what I’ve experienced. (At the time of writing, I’ve been doing text hypno as a subject for about a year and a half, and as a tist for about a year.)

Introduction, mostly about kinds of trance states

A lot of the misconceptions about text hypno are at heart misconceptions about hypnosis itself - I’ve also done a LOT of working with newbies and introducing them to hypnosis, and I always tell them that the first thing to do is to toss away pretty much whatever their preconceived notions are. Film/tv shows/books and stage/street hypnosis are fun to watch, but what they portray are very specific ways of approaching trance - possible, yes, but not common in actuality.

The popular image of hypnosis is of someone going limp, eyes closed, unable to move, barely able to respond aloud. Or, as in many thriller/spy movies, someone hypnotized against their will, brainwashed and able to be set off with a single word to go do...whatever they’ve been programmed to do. And those are POSSIBLE, just not at all common. (The second usually requires a great deal of drugs and other bad shenanigans, but that would be another topic for another informational writing. Perhaps I’ll write on subject agency one day. Likely I’ll not. xD)

However, trance states come in a HUGE variety of appearances, and there are some that happen in everyday life, outside of hypnosis. The most common one mentioned is if you’re driving along and find yourself at your destination without really noticing the journey along the way. Another is reading a page of a book and realizing that you can’t really remember any of what you just read. ‘Zoning out’ is a type of trance state. I like to consider those uncontrolled trance states, and hypnosis and meditation guided trance states. (And the difference between those, to me, is like someone walking ahead of you and leading you down a path (Meditation) vs someone taking your hand and pulling you down a path (Hypnosis))

(I always tell newbies in a first session that if they feel lightly relaxed, I consider it a success. Like any other skill, it is something you can build on and deepen *pun intended*. ;3)

And people can trance differently at different times - most of the time I’m ‘down’, I’m just very still and seem to focusing intently on the computer screen, either waiting for words if its text hypno or listening for words if its voice or video. I have gotten to a point where I can go body limp, face blank, completely out of it levels of trance, but it’s not something that happens commonly, and not something I want to have happen commonly. I very much prefer the kind of trance state where you can listen and react and are in an incredibly suggestible state. ;3

Complaints and Misconceptions, Mentioned and Addressed.

WITH THAT SAID, let’s get back to text hypnosis. 

There’s a few major complaints and misconceptions about text hypnosis, and I’ll go through them one by one with the common points I make in response.

“Text hypnosis can’t be real, because in real hypnosis the subject goes completely limp and there’s no way they can type.” (This is an actual thing said to me by a supposedly trained and credited tist I was negotiating a session with. When I tried to say actually, that’s not true, he sent pictures of his girlfriend to ‘prove real trance looks like this’, and jumped down my throat when I asked if he had permission to do that. I’ve had some interesting people in my DMs in the past. xD)

- Those paragraphs up there about trance states? Yep, that, that’s how I usually respond. (Although I may or may not have gotten REAL detailed about some of the things I’ve done while under in text hypno when I responded to the interesting individual I mentioned. x3)

“I don’t understand how someone can type while they’re tranced.”

- Unless you’re someone who genuinely struggles with typing and has to consider every key as you press it, in general typing is not exactly an active thought activity. Most of the time you don’t go ‘I need to type yes, so I’m going to press the y key now, and the e key now, and the s key now. Often, you don’t even think ‘I am typing the word yes now.”, you just...think words and type them as you go, without even directly thinking about the keyboard.

However, it is also something you can work on making easier and more natural. When I’m working with someone new who is uncertain about typing while in trance, I will start by not making them for the first session, I’ll take them down, then bring them up again and check in on them and ask for feedback. I tell them that any questions they see during trance they can answer aloud or in their mind, whatever works well for them. When they’re comfortable with that level, I’ll start having them answer with a y for yes and an n for no (and make sure to ask only yes/no questions). We’ll work up from there as necessary. :)

“I hate text hypnosis because there’s no feedback.”

- I will grant that feedback is not as immediate as it is in voice/video/in person. You cannot hear or see the person and know, moment by moment, how they appear to be doing. However, there are many ways of getting feedback, and sight/sound are not the only ones by a long shot. 

Especially in a first session, I tend to do a series of short drops - taking someone down a little bit, bringing them up, and checking in on how everything is going, what’s worked well, what hasn’t worked as well, etc. Not only is this a good way of getting feedback of how things are going, it also serves to fractionate the subject a little. ;3

As you do more text hypnosis, you also get to know things to watch for - responses starting to slow down, grammar and spelling changing, fuzzy typing (oh gods, I love fuzzy typing~), etc. Having that history of what was typed means you can also have your subject read back over what happened and give you feedback based on that - I know quite a few people whose memories get fuzzy about what actually happened in sessions, but having that record can jog the memory and help them go ‘oh yeah, that happened, and this could have gone better, and...”

Sometimes I feel like it’s *better* feedback in the long run, because I can scroll back through the history and see what I’ve done in the past and how it’s worked. Since I started doing mostly voice hypno with my pets, I’ve missed having that record, because I have a terrible memory. ^^”

“Text hypnosis is fake, it’s all just roleplayers.”

- Sometimes, yes. Usually that’s something you can figure out if you make sure you have a good, thorough discussion and negotiation beforehand, to find out what everyone involved wants out of the session. If it’s something that really bothers you, make sure to include it in your list of questions.

I would say this is a VERY important thing to find out if it’s someone you’re planning on doing an extended number of sessions with, but that’s also the kind of person you should have constant ongoing discussions with anyways. (Hell, I’ve been with my tist and my pets for a long while now, and we still periodically have negotiations. Things change and need to be rediscussed. It happens. :3)

If it’s a one off session, well...at least you’re getting practice with your writing, right?

(I will update this from time to time with other frequent questions or complaints I hear or receive.)

Advantages vs Disadvantages

Now for something a little more fun! Advantages of text vs the other mediums, as well as disadvantages and how to overcome them. :3 (This is definitely a section I’ll update over time, as I think of more things to add. ^-^)

Advantages:

- One of the absolute best things about text is the record it leaves. Unless you record your sessions, voice and video and in person sessions are left only in the memories of the participants. In text, unless the place you’re typing in is deleted after a certain point (or if someone edits their text afterwards, tho’ that actually can be fun too, and I’ll address it later. ;3), you have this useful record of what you did, what was said. 

This is great for multiple reasons. The first and biggest one for me is how much it helps, considering my memory issues - I have a shitty memory, and forget things way too easily. On both tist and sub side, it’s great to be able to scroll back and reread what happened in a session. Second, rereading is a great way to relive and refeel those memories (especially if you miiiiight possibly have the ability to reexperience memories almost as strong as the moment they were made, coughcough) which is also hella good for conditioning. (;3) Third, it can be fun to link back to certain points or use bits of the written record against people. You can tease them with things they wrote, reference past experiences, or (and this is definitely absolutely completely hypothetical and not something I’ve had done to me at ALL, oh no. >.>) leave little ‘traps’ if you know they reread - “When you reread this, send ‘this message’ to me so I know you did, and then forget~” kinds of things.

This fact can also help if you have different schedules or are in different time zones, you can leave short written bits for the other, delayed action traps so to speak that go off when read - not as a replacement for active sessions, but a fun supplement. :3

- Related to this idea but in a different direction, you can create...hmm, kind of ‘homework assignments’ for a subject to read later, or read over and over again. VERY useful for conditioning, especially if you have a suggestion or an order of ‘once you have finished reading this, write [this sentence] to me to let me know you have read it.’

- Another HUGE advantage of text is privacy. I still live with my family and, while I have the benefit of a basement room, interruptions are common and curious ears are a possibility. For people who live with roommates or with bedrooms in the house closer to family members, privacy becomes even more critical. On the subject side there might be some visual signs of what’s happening, depending on what’s being done and how they trance, but overall on both sides it will just look like concentrating intently on the screen and typing, just like writing an email or visiting with people on a discord. 

As a side note to that, you can also do fun things like be innocently sitting in a voice channel with them, chatting with other people, while sending them suggestions or triggers in text, and watch them try not to react, try to resist. ;3

- Just like there are certain tricks only doable in voice or video or in person, there are things you can do in text that aren’t easily replicated in text. 

Just a few ideas off the top of my head are using formatting for various kinds of emphasis (italics and bold are great for helping to add ‘tone’ to your typing, strikethrough can be a fun way to tease someone or to say something you’re too flustery to admit openly, spoiler text can be used to tempt someone and trick them or trap them); italics can be used to denote ‘actions’, which some people either have or can develop the ability to ‘feel’; making use of brackets for different effects (anything I write within {these} you obey immediately and then forget doing is a big one. I’ve created an ability for like...the back part of my head to communicate with my tist even when the active part of my head is dropped, which is pretty useful to be able to go {hey, that thing you suggested got interpreted wrong and I’m kinda stuck now}, and report on things without having to actually come back up. x3); tying triggers or suggestions to emotes to have innocent seeming ways to play with someone or fluster them; and so many more. X3

- Text hypnosis is a godsend for people with hearing or speech problems. I have certain hearing issues that make it hard for me to hear people with certain voice pitches, especially when over a phone or a voice channel. It can break immersion and be frustrating if you have to keep asking for someone to repeat what they’ve said or repeat yourself for someone. You don’t have to worry about volume control or if your microphone is picking up everything you’re saying, don’t have to worry about people misunderstanding your accent, don’t have to worry that you’re mishearing something and responding in the wrong way. 

- One of the biggest reasons I love text hypnosis is the small amount of space I have to think about what I’m writing before I send it. I am WORLDS more creative with my phrasing in text as opposed to in voice, because I don’t have to worry about stammering or stuttering or hesitating while I figure out where I’m going next. Plus I have a tiny amount of time to change what I’m sending before I hit send, if I realize mid sentence that its not what I want to say. I can be thinking about the next line while I’m still typing the last one, but I can’t think of the next sentence while I’m in the middle of saying the current one.

- Seeing a whole page full of typed mantras is lovely, just saying. ;3

Disadvantages (and potential fixes!)

- Biggest one is lack of immediate feedback, which I discussed earlier. :3

- Those who aren’t as skilled at typing or reading may find themselves having some issues. One of the things that brings me out of trace the fastest is having to wait for too long - this is a major disadvantage for tists who are slow typists. ^^”

This problem does present more of a difficulty to get past than some, but I do have some suggestions to try. One thing I’ve done (and that can also be useful if internet flickers and having ‘buffering time’ so to speak, for ANY medium that uses the internet) is to account for that at the beginning with something like “If there is quiet for a moment, you’ll find yourself quietly rereading the last few lines you’ve received, each line you read helping to keep you calm and keep you deep.” or “Any time there is a pause in the words you read for more than a few seconds, you’ll find yourself focusing on [some spot on the screen].’ Specifically on discord, the ‘someone is typing’ message can be useful as a focus anchor.

I don’t approve of copy/paste text hypno in the most part, but perhaps if speedy typing is not something you’re good at, and if it’s a basic induction, AND if you tell your subject what you’re doing, then I could see using it to help make up for slower typing. It’s often easier to keep someone in trance with slower typing than it is to take them down in the first place. You could also possibly give them a written induction file to basically prime the pump. The key is to talk to the subject and find out which, if any of these options are potentially usable. (Also make sure you write your own induction, don’t just copy someone else script.) I would suggest being ready to throw in some in the moment typed lines as well, reacting to things the subject may say. Be ready to improv a little.

- This is more of a problem with manipulative, bad tists than with text hypnosis specifically, but a written record could be used against you (in the same way that someone could secretly record you in the other ways and then use them against you). Be very careful about what information you share with people, basic internet safety stuff, okay?

Also watch out for if someone edits or deletes that record in an attempt to gaslight you or mess with you. If that’s a concern, you can make backup copies of sessions to keep on your computer so you always have the original to consult. Most chat programs that allow editing will also indicate that the original has been edited, so that can also help.

And finally, a few tips and tricks I’ve picked up, basically things I’ve found fun to do, from either side. X3

Assorted Tips and Tricks

- Text is AMAZING for teasing. I am actually known and am infamous for my teasing (there is a server where I helped contribute to a week of so much teasing in general chat that they designated a separate channel for heavy teasing. x3) - I started dabbling in teasing for weeks before I actually tried my hand at any actual hypnosis. (Teasing is wonderful in voice, too, but I have noticed sometimes if someone is chatting normally, then suddenly throws out something teasing, it can be easy to miss it among the normal chat. It’s much harder to miss when it’s in text, especially if accompanied with an emote. ;3)

In text you can also leave teasing messages for someone to see later, maybe after they’ve gone to sleep, or while they’re playing games, or distracted in voice chat somewhere. Like a fun little trap they spring later, and you get a lovely ‘hfouiwenfkwje!!’ later. x3

It’s also fun to have ‘in jokes’, so to speak, and to slyly slip those words and phrases in with normal talking, and get people flustering that way. (For instance, if you use a certain kind of imagery to drop someone, like balloons, and then find ways to slide balloon references into your typing to remind a subject of that session.)

- Group hypnosis is a lot of fun - there’s a few places I’m in that have text channels that allow open hypno, and slyly twisting around the conversation and playing with words until you catch a bunch of people and set them drifting is fuuuun.

It’s also sometimes easier than in voice, because either you have everyone mute and you feel like you’re talking into a void, or you have a chaos of overlapping voices. In a group text session, you can often begin with something like ‘the more you see others type the same kind of responses you do, the more the phrases affect you.’ I have seen cases where you have almost group mantras going on, and the people involved said seeing the others typing definitely added to the experience.

- If you DO have an opportunity to do voice at least once, or once in a while, you can make use of that to add to your text hypnosis - I have some people I have done BOTH with, and they said that they were pretty quickly able to ‘hear’ my voice in my typed words - I actually try very hard to match my written style to my talking style for that very reason. :)

I also have a few emotes that apparently really resemble expressions I’ve done in video before, and I can make use of those emotes to evoke memories of those expressions, and things I’ve done while grinning just THAT way~ ;3

Conclusion

So!

Almost a month after I started and many pages later I am done with what was supposed to be a quick little writeup of ‘things I tend to tell people when text hypnosis comes up’, and knowing me I will continue to edit and add to this as I think of new things.

However! It is done for now, and I hope my rambling was useful as well as entertaining. :3

I am more than glad to expand upon anything I’ve written, my DMs are open for questions or you can track me down in a discord server and ask there, I’m in a few different ones. ^-^

[tigerkirby215]

5e Zac, the Secret Weapon build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Christian Fell. Made for Riot Games.)

No one:

Literally no one:

@tigerkirby215​: “HEY FUCKERS WHO WANTS A ZAC BUILD?!”

Full disclosure: I watched Dorans and Dragon’s video for Zac and while it’s really well done (like really well done. I honestly suggest you watch it) I felt like it took a bit of an interesting direction. Ds&D and I have always had different ideas for our builds and I think with the release of Tasha’s there’s actually a lot of interesting new directions to take Zac in.

Also spoiler alert but this build is the most jank-ass fucking shit I have ever made but it strangely works really well? Like I literally sat on this build for two months debating if I should even post it. Also Zac’s a grappler, because of course he is.

GOALS

There's plenty of me to go around - Zac stretches and bounces and changes his shape more-or-less at will.

Why thanks; I do work out - Zac is one of those “hold you down for 10 seconds total in a teamfight” types of junglers.

I'm not as squishy as I look - Of course to be a big bundle of green goo we’ll need to be big. Like, really big.

RACE

END ME I’M MAKING A BUGBEAR! :D

Okay to be fair Bugbear hate is kinda overblown, especially by yours truly. You get +2 to Strength and a +1 to Dexterity as well as Darkvision and several other useful traits: you have a Powerful Build to carry more stuff, for one. You are also Sneaky and get proficiency with Stealth, which is nice because if you launch a Surprise Attack you can do an extra 2d6 damage.

But of course the main trait of a Bugbear is their Long-Limbed bodies. All your melee attacks have a 5 foot longer range, which is obviously important to make Stretching Strikes!

Custom Lineage: If you’re insistent on making a custom “goo creature” race with Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything rules here are my suggestions: make yourself Medium (yeah duh) and give yourself proficiency with the Athletics skill. Increase your Strength by 2 and take the Skilled Expert feat for Expertise in Athletics along with a +1 in Wisdom. You will have an uneven DEX score but I dunno just go for Athlete or something later in this build.

ABILITY SCORES

15; WISDOM - Braum isn’t the only champion who believes the heart is the strongest muscle, as if you’d read Zac’s lore he is actually quite a compassionate soul. Also we need Wisdom for our main ability.

14; CONSTITUTION - Zac is a tanky boy, so up the tankiness!

13; DEXTERITY - When you can stretch and squeeze like silly putty dexterity comes naturally. We need that dexterity to jump over walls, among other things.

12; STRENGTH - A lot of it is elastic strength, but if you’re going to throw Cho’gath into Shyvana you do also need upper body strength.

10; CHARISMA - He’s a nice guy when you get to know him, but Zac’s also a bunch of Zaun sewer goo.

8; INTELLIGENCE - Living in the sewers and then later being raised as a weapon means you don’t know any math, science, or history.

BACKGROUND

Zac did grow up in the streets, but the skills from the Urchin background don’t fit him well so we’ll be modifying it heavily. Take proficiency in Acrobatics to squash and stretch as well as Perception to keep those wards up. You can pick your choice of languages or tools because Zac kinda... doesn’t do much other than fight? I mean he’s literally called “the Secret Weapon” what do you want from me?

But your background feature of City Secrets is very useful for traveling the streets of Zaun, letting you find your way around alleys and jungle gank paths to travel through the city twice as fast as the average person! "Put some spring in your step."

(Artist unknown. Made for Riot Games.)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - MONK 1

Been awhile since we’ve visited the good ol’ Monk class eh? Well you can grab Athletics finally, as well as Insight to know if someone’s worth clobbering. You also get proficiency with an artisan’s tool or musical instrument, and I mean... Zac still doesn’t have much lore.

But how about some class features? Monks get Unarmored Defense equal to their Wisdom plus their Dexterity, for 14 AC total. Would medium armor be better? Yes, but you can’t wear armor if you want to use Martial Arts! Martial Arts gives you a variety of benefits: you can punch with DEX or STR, your punches are now a d4 (and will scale as you get levels), and if you punch with your Action you can punch with a Bonus Action after the fact!

LEVEL 2 - MONK 2

Second level Monks get Ki points to use for a variety of features: Flurry of Blows lets you attack twice with your Bonus Action instead of once, Patient Defense lets you dodge as a Bonus Action, and Step of the Wind lets you Dash or Disengage as a Bonus Action. An important thing to mention about Step of the Wind is that it doubles your jump distance, for those big Elastic Slingshot jumps!

You can also put on some boots and get some Unarmored Movement. 10 more feet to be exact!

I guess I’m also obliged to mention Dedicated Weapon from Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything which lets you turn any weapon you’re proficient in into a Monk weapon as long as it’s not Heavy or Special. This will be important later but it’s not exactly in-character for Zac.

LEVEL 3 - MONK 3

Third level Monks get to choose their Monastic Tradition and Way of the Astral Self will give you some long stretchy limbs! As a bonus action you can spend 1 Ki to summon Arms of the Astral Self. When you do so, each creature of your choice that you can see within 10 feet of you must succeed on a Dexterity saving throw or take force damage equal to two rolls of your Martial Arts die due to your Unstable Matter.

Your arms will stay up for 10 minutes and give the following benefits:

You can use your Wisdom modifier in place of your Strength modifier when making Strength checks and Strength saving throws.

You can use the spectral arms to make unarmed strikes, which has the following benefits:

The reach of the arms is 5 feet greater than normal, which stacks with your Bugbear arms. 15 foot reach with extra stretchy arms!

The unarmed strikes you make with the arms can use your Wisdom modifier in place of your Strength or Dexterity modifier for the attack and damage rolls, and their damage type is force.

You can also absorb some blows with Deflect Missiles. When you are hit by a ranged weapon attack you can use your reaction to reduce the damage by 1d10 + your DEX mod + your monk level. If you reduce the damage to 0, you can catch the missile. You can then spend 1 ki point to throw it back as part of the same reaction. You make this attack with proficiency, regardless of your weapon proficiencies, and the missile counts as a monk weapon for the attack, which has a normal range of 20 feet and a long range of 60 feet.

Tasha’s Cauldron of Everyone also gave Monks the Ki-Fueled Attack ability which pretty much doesn’t impact you in the slightest.

LEVEL 4 - MONK 4

4th level Monks get an Ability Score Improvement but we’re instead going to grab the Skilled Expert feat. You can increase your Wisdom by 1 and grab proficiency in Survival for optimal jungle clear. But what we’re mainly here for is to make our hands extra sticky with expertise in Athletics! Is the build starting to make sense now?

You can also land safely after an Elastic Slingshot jump thanks to Slow Fall, reducing fall damage by 5 times your Monk level. If you want to keep yourself in the fight then Quickened Healing (also from TCoE, because that book really likes giving new Monk features) will let you take advantage of Cell Division for 2 Ki points, healing you for a number rolled on your Martial Arts die plus your Proficiency bonus. It’s not much but in a pinch it might save you!

LEVEL 5 - MONK 5

5th level Monks get an Extra Attack, so you can punch twice with your action, and then punch some more with your Bonus Action! You can also bring some heavy CC into the party with Stunning Strike; if you hit an enemy in melee you can force a Constitution save or stun them! Yes actual honest-to-god League of Legends stun!

Oh and because Tasha’s Cauldron really wanted to buff the Monk you get Focused Aim, letting you use up to 3 Ki points to increase your roll to hit, at a 2:1 ratio. (1 Ki point = +2 to hit)

(Artwork by SemLimit on DeviantArt.)

LEVEL 6 - BARBARIAN 1

Jumping over to Barbarian, land of the true tanks. Barbarians get Unarmored Defense based on Constitution that we won’t be using but I’m obliged to mention anyways. Of course what we’re here for is Rage which will augment you in a number of ways: you’ll resist Bludgeoning, Piercing, and Slashing damage and will do more damage with Strength-based attacks (which you probably won’t be making.) But the most important feature is this line right here:

You have advantage on Strength checks and Strength saving throws.

You know what’s a Strength check? Athletics! So even if you use Wisdom for it you’ll still have Advantage on top of Expertise! And Athletics is used for grappling! At least that’s how I’d rule it, but talk to your DM just to make sure they’ll let this dopey shit into their game.

LEVEL 7 - BARBARIAN 2

Second level Barbarians can let themselves go with Reckless Attack. Your Unstable Matter will give you advantage on your attack at the cost of giving enemies advantage to hit you.

You also get Danger Sense for advantage on Dexterity saves against effects you can see coming. Is a Jinx rocket heading your way? Slingshot out of there!

LEVEL 8 - BARBARIAN 3

Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything gave Barbarians Primal Knowledge for a free skill proficiency from the Barbarian list, so take Intimidation I guess because you are a huge freaky slime guy.

Third level Barbarians get to choose their Primal Path and guess what? It’s Totem Warrior time! As a Spirit Seeker you can cast Speak With Animals and Beast Sense as a Ritual but we all know that’s not what we’re here for. What we’re really here for is the Totem Spirit of the Bear. You can now resist all damage while Raging, with the exception of Psychic damage. Hey there has to be %health damage to deal with tanks after all. (Now if only they’d nerf Grievous Wounds.)

LEVEL 9 - MONK 6

This will be our last Monk level; sad I know. But it’s worth it for the Visage of the Astral Self. You can use a Bonus Action and a Ki point to summon the visage. (And can do it while summoning your arms.) While the spectral visage is present, you gain several benefits:

Astral Sight lets you see through magical (and nonmagical) darkness up to 120 feet.

Wisdom of the Spirit gives you advantage on Wisdom (Insight) and Charisma (Intimidation) checks.

And Word of the Spirit lets you either whisper in team chat to a creature of your choice that you can see within 60 feet of you, or shout in all chat so that everyone within 600 feet can hear you.

Your regular fists are also considered magical thanks to Ki-Empowered Strikes, and you get 5 more feet of Unarmored Movement! "Woohoo!"

(Artwork by Dragonflamebg on DeviantArt.)

LEVEL 10 - FIGHTER 1

Teamfight time? Team Fighter time! First level Fighters get a Fighting Style and since you’re punching people your only real option is Superior Technique, giving you a d6 Combat Superiority die to use on a Battle Master Manuever. That Manuever shall be Grappling Strike, letting you grapple as a Bonus Action after punching someone for some Stretching Strikes!

You can also heal with Cell Division assuming the enemy team doesn’t stack Grievous Wounds thanks to Second Wind; it’s a d10 plus your Fighter level. "Keep it together."

LEVEL 11 - FIGHTER 2

Second level Fighters get Action Surge for even more punching! This will be more important in like, two levels.

LEVEL 12 - FIGHTER 3

Third level Fighters get to choose their Martial Archetype and for some crowd control in a teamfight Battle Master is a great choice. You are a Student of War which means more tool proficiencies which make no sense because Zac has no lore woo! But of course what we’re mainly here for is Combat Superiority: you have four d8 Superiority Die (plus a d6 one from your Fighting Style) which you can use on a variety of Maneuvers:

Trip Attack is good if you want to bounce, forcing the target you hit to make a Strength save or fall over!

Distracting Strike is like stunning the target in the sense that it gives your allies an opening, but unlike Trip Attack you don’t have to force a saving throw. (Instead Distracting Strike just works after you hit them!)

And if you think your arms aren’t stretchy enough already? Boom; Lunging Attack for 20 foot reach!

LEVEL 13 - FIGHTER 4

4th level Fighters get an Ability Score Improvement: hey it’s everyone’s favorite feat Grappler! You have advantage on attacks against enemies you grappled, and if you’re grappling someone you can then pin them to hold them in place!

Now pinning someone you’ve grappled does take an action but here’s where Action Surge comes in: turn 1? Grab them. Turn 2? Pin them! Easy!

LEVEL 14 - FIGHTER 5

5th level Fighters get an Extra Attack... which you already have. "I hate it when this happens."

LEVEL 15 - FIGHTER 6

Hey more Ability Score Improvements! Want all the fun of a high Constitution score without the Constitution? Look no further than the Tough feat: it gives you +2 HP per level for some big gains!

(Artwork by GisAlmeida on DeviantArt.)

LEVEL 16 - FIGHTER 7

7th level Fighters get to Know Your Enemy: by spending a minute studying someone (IE looking at the scoreboard) you can learn if an enemy is superior, inferior, or equal to you in a number of areas described by the ability.

You also get one more Combat Superiority die and learn two more Maneuvers: Goading Attack will make it harder for enemies to hit your friends (and it works against Tier 4 enemies who likely resist fears), and Disarming Attack will let you stick your hand to your opponent’s weapon to make them drop it!

LEVEL 17 - FIGHTER 8

8th level means more ASIs and I’m starting to think ignoring all your stats was a bad idea. More Wisdom means better punches, better grabs, and better AC.

LEVEL 18 - FIGHTER 9

9th level Fighters get Indomitable, letting them reroll a failed saving throw once per Long Rest. Regardless of what you roll on the new die however you have to use the new result. This can be used on Death saves to try to keep alive a little longer thanks to Cell Division.

LEVEL 19 - FIGHTER 10

10th level Battle Masters get Improved Combat Superiority. Your superiority die are d10s now; even the one from your Fighting Style! You do also learn more Maneuvers but honestly? We got just about everything that we need already. If you’ve hit level 19 playing Zac League of Legends then you deserve to make some choices of your own.

LEVEL 20 - FIGHTER 11

Our final level is the 11th level of Fighter for an Extra Attack that does stack! That means you have 3 attacks total and one extra from Martial Arts!

FINAL BUILD

PROS

Beat up, or beat down? I'm flexible - No matter how you look at it 4 attacks per round is great, especially since you can give yourself Advantage and boost your damage output with Battle Master Maneuvers.

Pick on someone your own size - If everything goes well you should have a solid 200 health by level 20! Definitely nothing to sneeze at, especially with Rage giving you resistance to almost everything and Second Wind letting you heal yourself!

This is gonna get messy - You’ve got a +16 to Athletics checks for Grappling when using your Astral Arms, and can give yourself Advantage or add Superiority die to your Grapple checks. Do I need to explain that that’s really good?

CONS

Don't push your luck, champ - None of your stats are maxed out, and that’s bad. Your hit modifier isn’t great, your Battle Master saving throw is low, but most importantly your AC is really bad. Big health is nice but not being hit is also very helpful. Just saying if you have the chance to go for Point Buy I’d take it.

I never skip breakfast - A small pool of Ki combined with limited Maneuver die means that you’re running on some very potent fumes. Frequent short rests will be needed to make the most out of this build.

These jerks don't know when to quit! - Grappling builds have the ever-constant problem of falling off in the late game when most foes simply can’t be grabbed. This build honestly peaks around level 13 and just falls off from there. This is definitely one of my builds that I think works better in a low level campaign.

But if you want something unique that works well early here’s your build! Big reach to hold everyone in place so your party can beat them up. Playing the CC tank might not be that glorious but it’s a job someone’s gotta do. And remember: "It's not how much you can lift. It's how good you look!"

(Artist unknown. Made for Riot Games.)

[who-ever-said-i-was-nice]

Hello there ~ Congrats on 100! 🎉💕 I'm so happy for you!! I was wondering if I could request a match up for Ikevamp. I'm fairly new to Tumblr and this is my first match up request so I'm a bit nervous since you are literally the first person I will have interacted with on here 😅 but I love your writing! If you are busy or have a lot of requests or anything please don't worry about it or overwork yourself! It's a lot of work and I totally understand!! Also edit, I'm really sorry in advance. This was way longer than I intended.

I am a bi female. I am an Aries but I am close to the cusp (April 18th). I don't typically associate myself with most Aries traits outwardly though since I am really shy and reserved, but internally I can see it as I am competitive with myself and a major perfectionist. But I'm low-key chaotic as can be like I'd identify myself as chaotic good since I'm just a mess with good intentions 😂 I am an INFP-T personality (which is scary accurate to me) if that helps any!

I am very short, only 5' tall and I am slim with overall small/petite features and frame. I have medium/dark, warmer toned brown eyes and auburn wavy/loose curly hair. I am very pale but have a lot of small freckles on my face and body. I've been told I look a lot younger than my age I think since I have a round face and am overall a small person. I'm very friendly and smile a ton but I am shy. I get big "eye smiles" whenever I smile and tend to blush a lot cause nerves. I've been told I tend to smile a lot and because I'm a shy, vv awkward person, my go to whenever I meet up with literally anyone is to smile out of nervous habit so people tend to think I'm overly friendly or approach me but in reality I'm a nervous boi.

I study landscape architecture and wildlife biology in college rn so I really love art and nature! I want to do habitat restoration after college. I especially am interested in plants and often go hiking and identify plants as well as do botanical drawings.

I am interested in both math and science as well as art. I enjoy watercolor painting as well and I am interested in illustrating children's books if landscape architecture doesn't pan out 😅

Besides that I have an obsession with extreme love for cats. I'm not ashamed to say my cat is my best friend, she is perfection 😂 I love anything living though thats not a person. Plant, animal, insect, they're all so wonderful to me and I tend to feel more comfortable around animals and nature than people.

My favorite color is a pale pink, I really love light, cutesy things. But my personal style is very retro academia. I wear a lot of clothes from the 60's and 70's or inspired by then. I really like fashion and fashion history.

My favorite food is spaghetti with just cheese. I may be an adult but oh well,, some plain ol spaghetti just hits the spot every time. I love baking and cooking though and have a sweet tooth. I used to decorate cakes in high school and I enjoy creating my own recipes and desserts.

I like to daydream, play video games, drink tea, sketch, read, and listen to music as well. I also spend a ton of time outdoors enjoying nature. I love trivial and fun facts. I want to gain as much knowledge as I can about the world.

I don't like things that are too loud I suppose. I'm a pretty easy going person but I am very nervous in crowds or places that are too loud. I'm also afraid of storms and I'm not fond of extremely dark places either. I don't like failing/faltering or embarrassing myself, especially in academics. I am extremely nervous talking to large groups or meeting new people as well, I prefer small, more personal interactions. While I enjoy talking to people it's just really hard so I don't usually unless they reach out to me first. I also hate conflict and drama (unless I'm not involved, then bring the popcorn). But any conflict is a big oof for me.

In a relationship, I really like surprise hugs and signs of affection. Sudden surprises create a sense of excitement which I really like to have. I like the idea of a relationship feeling new, passionate, and exciting, despite being together for awhile. I don't like gifts necessarily since I feel uncomfortable receiving things, I prefer sharing special memories. I'm not huge on PDA, I feel uncomfortable if someone is too clingy around others, especially my family or someone I know since my family is pretty conservative. But if we are alone, I love tons of affection and little acts of love. Hugs from behind, a small brush of our hands, holding pinkies, light kisses, and lots of smiles just make me melt, ugh tiny gestures are so cute. Communication is very important to me but not my strong suit, I tend to shy away from issues and trip over words I don't mean, but body language is very important and I think can be better for me and for my partner to understand.

I would like to be able to enjoy a comfortable silence with someone while we both read or do something while holding hands or just touching in some subtle way. I would love to be able to escape my perfectionist front that I have around others when I'm with my partner and be able to make really silly, dumb jokes and have lots of laughs. I love the idea of joking around while loosely holding each other. I present myself very seriously but I'm a big goof and rather dorky and like to have fun but romantic interactions.

Also it would be a plus if they love or at least tolerate kitty cuddles with me and my cat. My cat is such a baby, she's constantly in my lap or following me around so we are a package deal basically 😂

I'm sorry this is so long, and I hope it is enough for you as well!! Thank you so much for opening up match ups too! If you need anything else let me know! Take care of yourself and congrats!! 💕

It’s perfection don’t worry. Thank you so much for sending the request. I hope you are taking care of yourself too and everything is good.

Anyway I matched you with.....................

                                                            ............Isaac

HA BET YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT ONE COMING!

oh you did?

ok I’ll stop

Isaac is a very curious person much like yourself

he loves discovering and learning new things

and that is the first thing Isaac noticed about you to be honest

sure he saw you and was like Damn she gorgeous but that was about it

however when he discovered that you are also a curious but little nervous bean he started opening up to  you

neither of  you like crowds and loud people who disrupt your concentration, so usually you spend your time in the library

sitting together in silence and reading

loves that your cute and blushy

even tho he’s exactly the same

as you got closer he started noticing more and more things about you

how your eyes would lit up when you passed certain plants in the garden

how you would hum to yourself and dance around thee kitchen a little when you thought nobody was looking

he loved everything about you from your adorably freckles to your reserved yet charming personality

it too him a long time to confess to you

a long time and a lot of pep talks from Leo

in the end he forgot everything Leo said and confessed to you in his own way

after that oh boy

you are the definition of inseparable

he’s new to this so you have to give him a little time to get used to it

after he’s comfortable he’s very affectionate

more in private but still

will give you surprised  hugs all the time

whether it’s that he walks up behind you and hugs you while turning apple red God if Isaac was here he’d kill me for that pun or him walking and scooping you up and plopping you in his lap in the library as you both get into some book

totally gets that you don’t like going to very crowded places

BOOM your wish is my command Isaac will almost always take you to fields of beautiful flowers so you can hang out, goof around, have a picnic and the stargaze

Isaac will pull you close or just hold your hand while explaining a few things about the constellation, after you will just enjoy the silence as you bask in each others company, while gazing up at the starry sky

he holds you pinky

finds it super cute and usually blushes harder than you even though he initiated it

holding your pinky is a personal thing for him

he finds it reassuring

you’ll just be walking and all of a sudden Isaac intertwines your pinkies

he’s anxiety on legs and holding your pinky is his way to tell you that in that moment he’s scared, anxious or just extremely nervous

you usually hug him and kiss his cheek

holding your pinky can also be that he loves you and hopes he’ll be with you forever

it depends on the situation, but he likes telling you he loves you like this

he has a surprisingly good sense of humour and likes to goof around with you

loves your cat

he wasn’t much on a cat person before, but your cat likes o play with Harry and he thinks that’s really cute

all in all you guys have a really good relationship

Ok now i have to pour some water on my head

CUTENESS OVER LOAD

Lia .exe has stopped working

That’s it! I hope you enjoyed and I hope you are well! Once again thank you @uwu-catlin for the request and the compliment. Love you 3000!

[unproduciblesmackdown]

prompts

April 26th: Talk about special interests. Do you have special interests? If not do you wish you did? What do your special interests mean to you? What are your current special interests? What are your past special interests? idk like i know i sure have & have had Interests, some more of interest than others, and it's also like, oh yeah i guess the ways i held that interest / explored it pretty intently / extensively / at length didn't always seem to be the way other people always felt about things even if we shared the interest, but yknow, at the same time it doesn't necessarily seem as extensive or major as some of the aspects of defining a Special Interest(tm) can be, i haven't been too pressed about it, but of course it's like, i have my Things lol, i.e. yeah this thing is kind of My Thing....and then i can look back on Things like. well idk when i was really little and you're just gonna like Cool Stuff, i did have the thing of like, i like dinosaurs and did sorta casually collect dinosaur stuff, easy enough b/c they make that stuff for kids, memorized a bunch of dinosaur Names so that just being asked to recite a bunch was something i was known to be able to do, a big fan of a couple semi educational computer games we had, shoutout to 3d dinosaur adventure and this magic school bus dinosaur (and ocean) game, had pajamas ft dinosaurs, rip to when i had a sick metal lunchbox with dinosaurs on it and it just broke on like week 1 of first grade or whatever and i just had to go back to default lunchboxes. well and then but anyways but from then on it was like, well, i guess it's media time......read a shit ton all the time, was into some tv series / movies, played some pc / video games, there was stuff i'd be glad to revisit over and over, and yknow, as this went on it'd be like, well now when there's A Relatable Enough Character in something i also like just in general, that's a powerful combo, though sometimes it's like, yeah i like this thing enough even in the absence of any particular [and i extra go hard about this character] element, that's not Not at play as it's like "well and i guess i will think about this quant every day for years now lmfao," and i can sure always talk about stuff At Length too, which sure is not something other people are generally interested in, but if/when they are, it's like okay great, this is a great connection point then, b/c otherwise it's like, i generally don't know what to say about myself, didn't get much practice, did pick up a sense of like, well stuff is Wrong about myself and my life so i shouldn't share it and also i'm not picking up friends so it was generally accurate that no one was exactly interested lmao. small talk is really more of a barrier / test you can just potentially fail, yet anything more personal is Oversharing, but hey i would earnestly love to talk at length about This Thing, so great when other people are into that at all lol and then if we vibe it's like, obviously that's the sort of functional "small talk" route here lol to being able to be more familiar w/each other and talk more generally, even if yknow, wuh oh, i'm kind of cagey outside those Interests i will talk about in ways that's probably "too much" by most ppl's standards, worst of both worlds when it comes to forming relationships but oh well, it is what it is and i sure don't consider it a bad thing i have plenty to say about things i Want to talk about, and it sure doesn't impede on anyone else if i'm Not Talking about other shit.

also then it's like, "idk what it is when you just determinedly Pursue something that's maybe still not the hugest deal, but i don't really feel very pressed re: figuring it out" like, does it count like how i mentioned today i'd read bird guides for fun as a kid, and watch this bird documentary and be like "hey. check out this scene in this bird documentary with this bird mimicry" to friends i now realize were probably mostly bemused by this, and really liked birds just generally (still true), and thus have like, maybe more Bird Knowledge than the average random person but also am hardly some self taught ornithological expert. or how i'm big into linguistics and etymology and, in theory, language learning, always really latching on to the little i was taught in school, also perusing some Language Guides available, and like, not really self teaching a bit re: learning some of a couple languages, just learning via teaching resources outside of [directly through any academic institution], never took any language classes, sure have no fluency in fuckall.........how about that i just decided as a kid like "hm i want to be able to draw" b/c i felt that way (and yknow, still do in a way lol) about pretty much anything, but i just also liked doodling and took some art classes and it was always this casual thing and now i use this to make fanart for the Media Interests lol, and although this is all digital drawing and drawing was always my primary thing it's like, well okay also yeah there was like, some painting / pastels / sculpting other Visual Arts stuff, and then, like, i sure enjoyed dance classes and the Performing Arts aspect of that, theatre gay adjacent b/w that and choir lol, have regular dreams about being part of impromptu dance performances, including just last night, rip to the special thwarting of "oh no i'm going around trying to get food before the show, getting stuck in traffic or lost in stores, and i've missed my whole first appearance" lol. anxiety dreams never end........and idk, i've had a love for math stuff, physics stuff, space stuff, even felt that [!] for the little i was able to get into circuitry and coding, but yknow. learning that shit is kind of involved and i only had so much experience re: taking classes, also, unfortunately, i always hated school lmao, so it's just kind of there where i'm like oh i get Into this shit in the ways that other people who are definitely Into it feel about it lmao. but yeah, idk, i do have like. well here's this sort of stuff i think about Every Day, this sort of mental home base sometimes, that i don't get tired of and reexplore / reexperience pretty intensively, but at the same time like, sometimes i can just sort of have something be that Interest for a lot more of a temporary duration, and things that were that main shit is like, well Probably when i like it that much once i like it down the line even if i haven't been that focused on it in the meantime, more just latent, but then it's like, well, but probably could and would still talk So Much about it still even if it's not like, oh yeah i'm Into This(tm) right Now lol..........idk! but i sure get really into shit and like, if anyone else is interested in me talking at length / drawing about it, that's sure probably the most successful grounds for Connection lmao cuz yknow. even people who maybe share that interest aren't guaranteed to see that and go "yeah this is someone i'm interested in actually talking to though" like yeah here's your preview of my personality i guess lol

April 27th: What is your favourite form of media? For example, do you enjoy books? What format do you prefer for books (physical, e-book, audiobook)? Did you love reading as a kid but find it challenging as you got older? How about movies, tv, or video games? Do you have a favourite series? yeah i read all the time as a kid, on the bus, if i finished shit early at school, on the bus again, also at home plenty, not so much when i was in college when it's like oh i can just do kinda whatever now (also as people point out it's like. well gotta do all this reading for classes now so) and then it was like, i'll get into other Media i can freely experience at any time, and also hang out with people Some, which i can also just do whenever now, as opposed to at any point before this......still like reading but it can sure kind of be a Whole Thing, like i either can't focus and it's like well time to read like, a paragraph or page a day, or else i'm focusing Too Much really like, if i'm at all trying to see how something ends i might burn through it in a few days (still a fairly slow reader) which is like, do i want to spend multiple days on this One Thing, even if it takes me like, multiple times the runtime to watch a movie or something, that's still probably getting done in 1 day. plus that yeah, mostly reading new shit via laptop, which is kind of a pain as opposed to physical books or like, e readers in theory, i've never actually used one. the only time i used an audiobook was a few times as a kid to read along with longer books to sort of help with that momentum, such a hot minute ago that this was via Tape Cassette.....i do listen to podcasts though, great for like, doing Something Else at the same time, which i don't know that i could split up that focus and guaranteed successfully absorb a book, Maybe So but select podcasts are my Extensive Audio of choice. never really watched that much tv, there were some stuff me and my siblings might watch as it aired, but not really Narrative Series lol, never seen shit, haven't even really watched That many movies either, still don't Really even though it's like yeah w/e in Theory i enjoy these mediums it's like oh my godddd it's a whole thing to focus on one and then plus what if i don't like it but i've had to put in all that time to know i didn't like it lmao.......i can enjoy keeping up with a tv series like, oh boy once a week a half hour to hour installment, that's a great format truly, but i'm rarely getting that experience lmao like. with billions you could stand 2 weeks between episodes b/c whew but it's v Rare like oh thank god, a series with that weekly release........but otherwise it's like ugh do i wanna have alllll this material to watch, do i wanna go through the whole process of figuring out what movie i feel like giving a try........and that i like Revisiting shit i already like pretty endlessly so it's like, i might just do that. so it's like, audio wise i'll put on podcasts, if i feel like watching something i Might be bothered to try out a movie or smthing b/c yknow, ultimately more doable to consume something that's just a few hours, all that when i'm Thinking About a tv series every day for years lmfao, shoutout to billions which sure gets to be my fave b/c tf else am i keeping up with, literally nothing else, even if i haven't gotten around to actually watching all of it yet / haven't simply sat straight through even the episodes i have watched, i Could do it but it's like god formidable when it's sure more than a movie's worth of content and plenty of "i don't care about this and/or hate this" to make me put my head through the wall lmfao thank you billions........also sometimes i remember like "oh yeah, i guess in theory i enjoy video games as well" but i didn't have That much experience w/them and sure don't now, so that's like well irrelevant ig. media

[popculturebuffet]

Jake Reviews Stuff: Amphibia: Marcy at the Gates

Marcy arrives! The Plantars make it to Newtopia but first have to deal with a slight ant problem and a new addition to the family, as we finally meet the adorkable Marcy. Legs in two months under the cut. 

So as you could probably tell by the tone the last few weeks, doing this has weighed on me a bit. While I do love talking about this show week after week, as well as having a recurring series here to bring in readers, the split quality of the Season thus far has been a challenge. Now when I say split I don’t mean like star vs season 3 where it was either really damn good and some of the show’s best writing or “oh god what have they done to marco’s character this time”, it’s more either really good standout episodes ore more forgetable average ones. See a good episode I can gush about, dive into big charcter stuff, motviations, that sort of thing. I defintley will with owl house at some point and have with other shows. A bad episode can be taken apart and taken to the cleaners, which I haven’t done much of but probably should and if you want any taken to task yourself, I do comissions. But self promotion aside, the point is a meh episode just dosen’t leave me with a lot tot alk about and hte recaps became really dry as a result as I just couldn’t find a lot of jokes, and having a busy few weeks on top of that didn’t really help, nor did the antipciation for this week and the intersting setting of newtopia. 

Thankfully a combination of a really good few days, a better sleep schedule, and a really good episode this week, and a pile of scary go round collections for a dollar have reinvgorated me, so hopefully I can get back to doing what I love: Overanalizing children’s cartoons. So with that we can dive right into the episode. The keithdavidpocalypse is upon us! Pitter Patter! We open with Spring and Anne in the cart. Their close to newtopia, but Anne is worried they never found Marcy, while Sprig isn’t because her last friend turned out to be “Evil”... which Anne harshly rebuffs. And both sides are understandable: To Anne, Sasha was her friend.. a manipualtive and bossy friend sure but one who genuinely cared for her, she just may not know how to deal with people. To Sprig, Sasha is some asshole who abused his friend, tried to murder his Pop Pop, and works for a guy who tried to murder his whole town. It’s really understandable he woudln’t have the same warm fuzzy feelings Anne has.. insert your own Sashanne joke here.  We also get our first actual look at Marcy who to my suprise, rather than be another form of manipulative.. is simply an awkward nerd, constnatly playing video games, reading books , cataloging shit, and trying to get her friends to play d and d. So me if I knew what d and d was in high school. 

Anyways, the family finally DOES make it to Newtopia, impressive as you’d expect when the guard won’t let them see the wizard no way no how. Antique references aside, the guard at the gate actually has good reason for not letting them in as they have a tiny barbari-ant problem. A species Hop Pop is, in a nice touch, unfamiliar with due to the Valley not having them. We quickly see them in action as one approaches the plantars, basically a giant ant with ant-lers. Yes I used a pun there sue me. Anyway, our heroes ward off the ant they do find with some really cool team manuvering, and Polly showing she has spiked teeth. It’s a cool sequence. However they quickly find themselves outgunned, outplanned, outnumbered and outmanned. They gotta make an all out stand. Their gonna need a right hand man. Also I finally saw the film version of hamilton, as you can tell. Utterly magic. 

Said Right Hand Man, er woman, er tween comes in the nick of time as a cloaked Marcy sprays some black goo and sets it ablaze, scaring the ants off, snatching a stalemate from the jaws of defeat,  then rappeling down on a rope shot from a crossbow, also making polly want one because of course. She then.. Faceplants. Still a solid 8/10 entrance Marcy.  Marcy is played by Haley Tju who you may remember from such shows as The Loud House. And that’s all I know her from but given Stella’s one of my faviorites and Haley’s performance is part of that, so it’s unsuprising she’s great here. Also fun fact I learned by looking at her trope page: She actually played a younger version of London, brenda song’s character, on the Suite Life I Pray for Death but Death Won’t Come.. or On Deck for those who’ve never watched it. But I like the fact two londons are now on the same show together.. and an actually good noe at that! Horay. But yeah Haley is a great VA and what little i’ve seen her in and a welcome addition.  Marcy and Anne happily reunite once htey both realize who the other is, and hug and etc, before Marcy decends on the plantars, talking on and on and on about geeky stuff and how she likes the found family trope. ... I may really relate to this  mediums sized child, as I too am a huge nerd with no filter and was probably a lot like her at that age. It’s also clear she very transparently sees this as a combinaton of a video game and a d and d session, but said skills have actually benifited her as rping a rogue allowed her to easily bluff her way into the kingdom’s good graces and now she’s a sworn agent of the king as we’ll find out.  She quickly wins over the Plantars, measuring hop pop’s head, gushing over him being a farmer (which he almost instantly adopts her over and asks to point blank later), and then noticing Polly’s legs are about to come in and giving her the note seen in the review image, my faviorite gag. Sprig however is more out and out hostile and has his reasons we’ll get to in a second.  Marcy escorts her new family and sorta girlfriend to the makeshift war room set up by three scholoary newts who quickly resolve their planning disagreements by beating the piss out of each other. Just like real politics.. and that’s not a cheeky jab between the actual caning in the sentate that happened once and the various duels in the revolutionary and early america eras.. yeah the only reason the preisdent hasn’t been shot for challening one of hte many people he hates for a duel without realizing he really can’t see through that squint too good is that it’s now illegal and not the kind of illegal he can hide like usual.  Anyways after the Newts scoff at our heroes, but Marcy vouches for them and reveals that the ants are getting closer because i’ts gotten warmer....

Marcy has a plan though: Spread scentshrroms around that will release a pheremone which will drive them off, having throughly studied Amphibia’s various flora and fauna and thus knowing how to deal with them. I’ts something I like about the character and how she adds to the other huamns group dynamics. Alll three deal with issues diffrent ways; Anne has plans, but rarely thinks them through, Sasha does think hers through and is a master manipulator while Marcy is a ballance between the two: She does throughly think things out and have well thought out clever plans.. she just also tens to rush into things or go forward with a nose in a book or without a thought to how dangerous soemthing is. She’s prepared, she’s just not very aware of her surrondings, which is amood. 

But Anne is nervous about her coming along as is sprig which sets up both’s conflicts with her for the episode: Anne wants to protect Marcy, since she just got her back and her only other remaning friend now clearly wants to stab her and she has a better option now love interest wise. However Marcy convinces Anne, 2nd capefire this episode nonwithstanding, she can handle herself. She also calsl her annabannna which is fucking adorable.  The other conflict is that Sprig dosen’t trust her.. he has no rational reason not to give she’s a sweetie, but is a bit gunshy about another human girl working for a dictator popping up in their life. And while he’s probably wrong, while I think Marcy isn’t working for the best people probably she’s likely too oblivious to genuinely relaize she’s doing crimes if they have her doing them or was given a fake justification. I could be wrong, and will gladly eat crow. Metphorically i’m not going to bake a real crow. I don’t have the right seasoning. And i’d also be cursed but eh I doubt I can get poorer. But it’s understandable he has reservations, especially since while he dosen’t say it he’s likely worried Anne will get hurt again. He’s a good boy, he’s just being paranoid over probably nothing.  Anyways onoto the plan: The plantars and new girl marcy are gonna:

Okay phermone them whatever, the point is they head into the Ant Hole, witht he conflicts continuing as the plantars progress; Sprig is naturally suspcious and Anne is worried about her precious gurl. The group fight some more ants, and Marcy seemingly wonders off.. only to instead BLOW THEM A FUCKING TUNNEL with some chemicals from some flowers she found, then instant sprout a plant cage.. and accidently trap polly. NOOOOO.> Thankfully she frees her and tosses some plants on the ants, which is fun to say.  We then get to our climax. OUr group find the queen who ihs horrifying.. a good mom as sprig points out but horrfing. Nice design though i’m just.. not an insect guy and sometimes this show leaves me in abject terror. this is one of those times. Our heroes plant the mushrooms, phrasing I know but this review is late as is and i’ve already used up my archer refrence for the day.  Anne dives to Save a seemingly oblovious Marcy.. whose mad at Anne over it.. while Anne is udnerstandable Marcy wants her , NEEDS her to understand...

No not that erik. That, much like Anne herself, Marcy’s grown and changed over these past three months. She can handle herself now and she needs her ot see that. Also sprig gets attacked by an ant baby, which not only wakes up the queen, who can hear but can’t see but now knows something’s arry, but causes said queen to unleash a hoarde of ants.  Marcy however naturally has a plan: She’ll dive into the queen’s belly and get sprig, the plantars will hold them off and Anne finally trusts her lady enough to fiht off. I don’t have a lot to say I just really like this character arc and Marcy’s character: She’s a bit oblivious, ab it obessed with nerdy things which again relate.. but when push comes to shove she’s also clever, a master planner and has clearly studied her ass off about this world and knows it well. She’s throughly likeable.  And that likeablity finally gets through to sprig when she gets him out and swings him. Trust earned, anne’s faith in her gained and the mushrooms go off and send the ants running. Misson Complete.  With the mission complete our heroes finally enter Newtopia and meet the mysterious Lady Olivia, whose been sending Marcy on her missions, and is likely her spymaster. Not that i think Marcy realizes that but Marcy’s love of midevil fantasy means she blends in well with thier courty apperance and introduces anne and co to her.. Olvia isn’t impressed but is cordial about it at least.. even with Sprig breaking shit. And yeah , Amphibia has a king over all of it, as Hop Pop puts it “We aren’t savages”. It does make sense it woudln’t come up every day though, it’s not as if the king really cares about the valley... but more on speculation about him in a minute. Hop Pop wisely gives the two “Friends’ some alone time, and the two talk things over: Anne explains how she found sasha.. and it didn’t go great, and Marcy vows that the two of them can go their own way now. Maybe iwth tounge. we dunno. The two then look over anne’s phone while anne recounts her anne-tics.. and we get to the king. And it’s KEITH DAVID BITCHES AS WAS PROHPISED A FEW WEEKS AGO. And he has myserious plans and wood carven figures of both our heroines and possible gaybies. “The game can finally begin. “

Final Thoughts: This was a really damn good episode. Whiel I summarized more than usual , both conflicts were great, all the plantars got to shine, there were gags a plenty, an intriguing new member of the main cast and a mysterious new antagonist. I mean given it was revealed the Newts were behind Toad tower a few episodes back, I figured Andidas wouldn’t be a good guy, even if he’s played by upstanding gentleman and god among men keith david, , but it’s a question of what his end goal is, how the girls got here, and what his plan ofr them is that i’m curious to see play out as the season goes on, as well as see if Marcy is a pawn or not. Newtopia also looks intresting and i’ts nice to have a new solid setting to build on now we’re here, as well as new mysteries to unlock> Ther’es also the honest possibliity marcy, who claims to have found bubkuss, might simply want to stay in a world where she gets to live out her dreams and isn’t picked on or bullied. Again we’ll see all speculation but this episode was damn good. For now this is the clear highlight of the season and i’tll be intresting to see where it goes from here. Until next time courage. 

[princesssarisa]

22 questions

Thanks, @cinefantastiquemitho!

01. The book that transformed your life. Freak the Mighty. It traumatized me so much in middle school, I think it singlehandedly changed me from a mostly happy (if quiet and overemotional) child into a moody, anxious teenager. The same goes for it’s ‘90s movie adaptation, The Mighty, starring a young Elden Henson and Kieran Culkin. It’s about the unlikely friendship between two misfit middle school boys: Max, the big, hulking, “stupid,” somewhat mentally disabled protagonist with a traumatic past, and “Freak,” an intelligent yet small, severely crippled, and (spoiler alert) terminally ill boy who rides on Max’s shoulders and serves as his “brain,” leading him in modeling their lives after the knights in the Arthurian legends he reads. Basically, it’s like Bridge to Terabithia meets a PG-rated Midnight Cowboy with Arthurian themes. I was forced to read it and watch the movie in school and it shook me to the core because I identified too much with Max. Not that I ever thought I was stupid, but since I was also a physically heavy, intellectually disabled, socially awkward, often teased, withdrawn misfit, I saw myself in him, very, very much. So to watch his struggles, and then in the end to see him devastated by his only friend’s death, hit hard. If that spirit medium I recently talked to was telling the truth about my past life as Emily Brontë’s best and possibly only friend, then maybe subconsciously I saw her in Freak (since she was also a “freakish” misfit who nonetheless was highly intelligent, witty and imaginative) and relived her illness and death in his. At any rate, it plunged me into a long depression that must have seemed inexplicable to the adults around me.

02. The movie that changed your way of seeing the world. The 1983 telecast of Madama Butterfly from the Arena di Verona, starring Raina Kabaivanska as Cio-Cio-San. In hindsight, it was a flawed production. Kabaivanska was a 49-year-old Bulgarian grand dame, not the least bit convincing as a 15-year-old Japanese girl. The tenor, who was supposed to be her worldly seducer, was young enough to be her son. There wasn’t a single Japanese person in either the cast or the creative team – it was all a European fantasy of Japan. For that matter, Madama Butterfly is inherently problematic with its racial and gender issues (in other news, water is wet). But watching this old telecast on VHS, out of curiosity about Miss Saigon’s source material, was the real beginning of my passion for opera. I was already familiar with The Magic Flute, but this was the start of my love for opera beyond that one. The tragic romance of the story, the visual beauty of the sets and costumes, and Puccini’s sumptuous musical score captivated my fourteen-year-old self. It led me to VHSs of La Traviata, Carmen, La Bohéme, Tosca, Rigoletto, Les Contes d’Hoffmann, L’Orfeo and Turandot, as well as other videos of Butterfly, and then to opera performances onstage. It gave me a new passion and gave me something beautiful to share with other people through “Opera Quest,” the program I’ve created to introduce opera to elementary school students. I’m so, so grateful to it!

03. The music that makes part of the soundtrack of your life. Opera, Broadway/West End show tunes, and Disney songs.

04. Define longing. It’s wanting, but deeper and stronger. It’s constant wanting, painful wanting, wanting that almost becomes obsession.

05. If you got back in time, which scene would you visit of your life? Any of my Thanksgiving visits to my grandma in Mesa, Arizona. Of course I’d love to see her again – she died 12 years ago – but I also loved wandering around the pretty retirement community where she lived, listening to Les Misérables or to Andrew Lloyd Webber on my headphones, and then sometimes swimming in the outdoor pool. I also loved the restaurant we always went to for Thanksgiving dinner, and if possible, going to see the lavish Christmas lights at the Mormon Temple a day or two later.

06. The place where your heart is. Los Angeles. Even though I wasn’t born there, it’s the earliest place I remember. I grew up there and it’s only been four years since I moved away. Every time I’ve gone back to visit since, I I’ve had the overwhelming feeling of “I’m home!” Even though I’m glad not to be living in a big city right now, I wish I lived closer and could visit more often.

07. The travel of your life. I haven’t travelled very much outside the US, though I have been to Canada, London and Ireland. Within the US, I was born in Connecticut, I’ve lived most of my life in California, and I’ve spent a lot of time in New York (relatives live there), Washington State (more relatives live there), Arizona (my grandma lived there), Florida (other grandparents, plus Walt Disney World), Montana (still more relatives), North Carolina (still more), and Minnesota (family friends). Once each I’ve been to Chicago, Boston, Cape Cod, and small towns in Vermont and New Hampshire, and I’d love to go back to each of them one day. I’ve also been to North Dakota, but don’t remember it very well, and I’ve spent at least a few hours each in Las Vegas and Salt Lake City, but not long enough to do much of anything.

08. An author that you have met recently, and whose works you want to continue to read. Not too long ago I took a writing class taught by April Halprin Wayland, who wrote the beautiful Jewish children’s book New Year at the Pier about the tradition of Tashlich on Rosh Hashanah. I’d definitely like to read more of her books, especially her Passover children’s book, More Than Enough. I’d love buy them for my little cousins on the Jewish side of my family.

09. Coffee or tea? Herbal tea. Rooibos chai is my favorite.

10. Who's your Doctor (if you don't watch Doctor Who, who's your favorite character from a TV series)? I couldn’t say. I don’t watch Doctor Who or much TV at all anymore. Let’s just say I love the main characters from all the TV shows I watched when I was little.

11. If you could just throw everything away and live your dream, what would you do? I’d buy a safe and luxurious self-driving RV (this is a fantasy, after all) and travel all over the US, living in a different place for a week, two weeks, or a month at a time. In this fantasy, there’s no pandemic going on, so I have the freedom to go anywhere. I’d visit every big city, every cozy small town, and every notable place of natural beauty, I’d go to the opera and see local productions of Les Misérables wherever I could. I’d visit my relatives whenever I liked. I’d present “Opera Quest” at a local school in each place I visited. But I’d also spend plenty of alone time in my RV, or in whatever hotel or inn I chose to stay in for a little while, and work on the books I’m writing, listen to music and meditate. There would be no pressure on me from anyone to do anything. That would be amazing.

12. If you could choose to be a character from a book, TV series or movie, who you would be? None. Some of them have nice lives, but they all have their problems too, and I’d rather keep my own problems than take on theirs.

13. What makes you not like a story? Characters we’re supposed to like being cruel and spiteful to each other and neither regretting it nor being properly called out for it. If their behavior is clearly supposed to be bad and treated as such within the story, it’s one thing. Even if they never regret their own behavior, that’s fine as long as the other characters call it out as bad. But when they don’t, I feel like the author is saying that anyone would be just as cruel and spiteful in that situation. That it’s no big deal, it’s just human nature and anything better would be unrealistic. I hate that.

14. Do you like romance in stories? Why? Yes, I do like it. Not if it’s badly written, but when it’s well written, I love it. I love watching two characters come to care so deeply for each other, fill each other’s deepest needs and bring each other happiness. Of course that happens with platonic love too, but romance is the way it most often happens in stories.

15. Which book did you hate having read? Well, I didn’t like having to read Candide as a college freshman, because despite all its humor, it’s cynicism depressed me. I was going through a stage where I was feeling overwhelmed by the world’s problems and had turned to idealistic spiritual beliefs to comfort myself, so I hated having to read a book that essentially said “Optimism is stupid, the world is a terrible place, there is no God and no good reason for anything, and all we can do is try to make the best of our individual lives.” (Yes, I know that’s a vast oversimplification of Voltaire’s philosophy – it just came across that way to me at the time.)

16. Which movie did you hate having watched? I’ve already mentioned The Mighty, above, so... another one... When I was seven or eight, I saw Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory for the first time, and I was very disturbed at the end by Wonka’s angry outburst about Charlie and Grandpa Joe stealing the Fizzy Lifting Drinks. Of course everyone can agree about how scary and mean Gene Wilder acts in that scene. But imagine how much worse it would be to an ultra-sensitive little kid on the autism spectrum, especially since I wasn’t expecting it. I had read the original book already, so the fates of the four bratty kids and the infamous boat scene didn’t phase me because I knew to expect them. But movie-Wonka’s final test is a movie-only addition, so I had no idea he was going to start screaming at poor Charlie, and to me at that age, an adult suddenly screaming in rage at a child was scarier than a child turning into a blueberry any day. Yes, it’s only a test, Charlie passes it and all ends happily, but it still upset me.

17. Do you like anime/manga? Any favorite? It all looks very nice, but apart from seeing Kiki’s Delivery Service and a few episodes of Pokemon as a kid, I haven’t experienced much of it. Maybe I should explore it more.

18. Who is the best villain you saw in a story? I don’t think I can choose just one from all the stories I know. For the best villain from Shakespeare and opera, I’d probably have to say Iago, because of how thoroughly effective his scheming and manipulation are. For the best Disney villain, I’d have to say Frollo, because of how horribly realistic he is: as an abuser of power, a racist, a religious bigot, a sexual predator, a psychologically abusive foster parent, and in the way he believes everything he does is holy and right. But there are so many good villains in all genres of fiction, choosing just one favorite is impossible.

19. If you could do an interview with any person, alive or dead, from our world, who would you choose and why? William Shakespeare. I have so many questions about his plays. They’ve all been interpreted in hundreds of different ways and I’d like to hear what his real intentions were when he wrote them. And for that matter, if he really did write all of them or if there’s any truth in the anti-Stratfordian theories.

20. If you could meet and and befriend a writer, who would it be? I just said Shakespeare, but I don’t want to repeat the same answer twice... Well, if that spirit medium was right, then I’ve already met and befriended three famous writers in a past life: Charlotte, Emily and Anne Brontë. Supposedly I spent “many hours” with all three of them, but was especially close to Emily. If that’s true, then I’d love to meet them again, do some catching up, and talk with them about the modern controversies surrounding their books... especially Wuthering Heights, which seems to defy easy interpretations of its characters and themes.

21. Cats or dogs? Dogs. I just adore them!

22. If you could choose any time period or society to live, which it would be? A year ago, I would have said “right here, right now.” But with this global pandemic taking place and the future of the world and of America in particular feeling so uncertain, I’ve changed my mind. I’d rather live in one of the fantasy worlds I’ve created: either the Sisterhood of Nira’s valley (the setting of my completed but unpublished novel An Eternal Crown) or Zalina Island (the setting of the Beauty and the Beast and Little Mermaid retellings I’m working on). Those places might have flaws of their own, but at least they’ve made social progress that this country hasn’t made, and they have magic too. If I could I’d move to one of them, at least until the pandemic is over and we have a new president.

I tag @simone-boccanegra, @astrangechoiceoffavourites, @nitrateglow, @thatvermilionflycatcher, @sunlit-music, @theheightsthatwuthered, @fairychamber, @wuthering-valleys