#its becoming an issue T_T

[reionized]

playing around with python and astronomy image processing ⋆｡°✩

[talkorsomething]

genuinely tried to Be Asleep for like two hours this time and just couldn't. I think i'm cursed [unwell]

[divinesolas]

Distractions

Summary: Despite how close the two of you are you're sick of waiting around for Jace no matter how much you like him, so you decide you’re going out on a date! but he doesn't like that.

r.q: childhood friends to lovers with modern frat boy Jace and he's like rlly popular and known to go from girl to girl. reader is like really smart and different from Jace so people get surprised when they find out you two are really close. Jace is always dragging you to parties and you’re always at his football games and he gets really protective over you. idek where im going with this 😭 but w smut too, your fics are acc amazing ty for your work 🙏

w.c: 2.5k

c.w: reader has hair (unspecified type, could be a wig wtv), Jace's anger issues, idk what locker rooms look like, cregan <3, fingering (f!receiving), p in v, unprotected sex (wrap it up guys), not proofread (as always)

a.n: I CANT STOP WRITING FOR JACE every request of him i get becomes my priority, literally when i woke up and saw this i had to get to writing it immediately like there’s smth wrong w me, anyways hope you all enjoy <3, this ones probably not my best T_T

Knocking on the door cuts through the music playing out of your speaker while your getting ready. “Come in.” you already know who it is. Your longtime best friend and housemate Jace who comes in with a smile on his face before it turns to shock as he looks you up and down, “woah.”

You finish clamping your necklace around your neck and look at him, “what do you want?” He leans against the door with his arms crossed with an amused look. you ignore how your heart flutters at him and turn away to adjust the dress you currently had on. “i just wanted to tell you im about to head out for the game, its a little odd to get all dressed up for a football game no?” The looks falls from his face as you drop your gaze from his in the mirror and fiddle around with your hair. he says your name breathlessly as he pushes away from the frame and takes a step into the room. You finally lift your head and meet his gaze in the mirror. “I'm not going to the game tonight Jace.”

He flinches as if you had thrown something at him and stutters for a moment his face covered in pure confusion as he brings one of his hands to his neck. “what do you mean you're not coming? you always come! if this is about me eating your leftovers then im sorry i thought you left it for me-” “i have a date.”

There it is. You didn't want to tell him. Hes always been, well a little protective of you, but you mostly blame it on your introverted personality while he's more of a people person. Youve had a crush on him for as long as you can remember but he's never been interested in you not the way you wanted him to be anyways, barely staying single or without a girl on his arm for a second you don't even know the girls names or maybe that's the point. He doesn't bring them around you but you know he's with them when he returns home super late with his hair all messed up. You fear he does it on purpose, he must know you like him and he doesn't bring them around you to make you upset.

You really didn’t want to tell him. You had thought maybe he would have just left for the pregame and just shot you a text and you could have faked some sickness or have pretended to go to sleep early. You walk over to your bed sit down grabbing your shoes to put them on. His silence is off putting. and you don’t dare raise your head to look at him.

“with who?” “This guy from lab, mark.” you finish lacing your shoes and stand up, finally looking at him and noticing the blank look on his face. “Jace-” “I don’t like this. i mean i don’t even know the guy how do we know he’s not some serial killer or something? Mark? Why don’t you just push it off for a couple days, come to the game and ill find out if he’d a good guy-” “I'm going whether you like it or not.” you cut him off. You couldn’t let him stop you from forgetting about him even if it was just for a bit. You grab your purse moving to push past him only for him to grab your arm. “Jace-” “You look beautiful.” The skin where he was holding you burns. You don't say anything as he lets you go and keeps his back turned to you. “text me?”

You try to ignore the pit that forms in your stomach at his sudden change of tone. you want to say something to him, you’re not used to seeing him like this. he would usually be pestering you about how you he asked you out or did you really like him but he was quiet. The sound of a horn outside brings you back to reality and you nod at his back as if he could see you and walk out. Putting on a fake smile as your handed a nice bouquet of flowers from mark, gulping to try and swallow the pit in your stomach.

—

“who the hell does this guy think he is?” His fist slams into the wall of lockers he's pacing in front of. All his gear is put on, his helmet is laying on the bench next to cregan who can only watch his best friend act like an idiot with an annoyed face. “Who the hell are you to care? Her boyfriend? No. So you have no say in it.” Jace bites his nails as he ignores the urge to hit the wall once more. “she’s my best friend.” “and? shouldn’t you be happy she’s on a date with this guy. i like mark he’s nice. what you like her or something?”

Jace ignores how is blood boils at the idea of you now sitting in your pretty dress smiling and giggling at some other guy that's not him. that doesn’t mean he likes you…. Jace attempts to come up with an excuse in his head about why he's so upset and why he's always been so upset over you going out with other guys, he usually just tells himself he's all worried about you and then he finds some girl to take you off his mind for the night…. that doesn't mean he likes you.

Cregan watches with a raised brow as Jace has an internal conflict with himself. He expected Jace to turn to him and admit it but all he does is grumble to himself and grab his helmet walking away from him. “I don't like her.” Cregan just shakes his head and picks up his own helmet following after him, “that fucking idiot.”

—

Mark is nice. Hes cute. He told you you could order anything you wanted off the menu since he was paying. He pays attention to you when you talk. Hes not Jace. You try your best to not think about him but you can’t help it. You wonder how the game is going, you’ve never missed one of his games. Maybe you pushed it too far and should have scheduled this date for a different day, but you know if you did Jace would have managed to convince you not to go and you would have fallen into the same cycle you always do. You nod your head and hum as mark tells you some story as you phone begins to buzz. You ignore it but it just keeps on buzzing to the point even mark looks concerned. “You can check it i don’t mind, ill use the restroom.”

You let out a hushed thank you as you check you phone to see what looked like a million texts from cregan.

‘hey i know the two of you are like fighting or wtv but you gotta see him asap.’

‘never seen him lose his mind like that’

‘got himself hurt’

‘nothing too bad but he’s bleeding’

‘know he thinks it cost us the game’

‘now he wont talk to any of us not even me’

‘think his head wasn’t in it’

‘know it’s not my place but he likes you so much’

‘losing his fucking mind over you not being here and being on some date’

‘please, for his sake at least try to talk to him, know you’re busy sorry to bother but I'm worried for him’

You stand out of your seat in shock as your heart begins to race. He was hurt? He likes you? Mark hadn’t come back yet so you open your purse and throw down some bills before running out of the restaurant. You sprint your way back to campus where the field was, thankfully living in a college town meant everything being super close by, you cant hear anything other than your own racing heart and the sounds of your feet as they slam on the floor.

You slam the hallway door open and cregan and some other guys look at you in shock. You stand there and take some steps towards cregan barely being able to catch your breath. Cregan stands up and looks at you shocked, “You ran here?” You just nod as you look at him expectantly, “where is he?” He uses his thumb to point behind him to the locker room doors, “Completely alone, everyone's already left.” You nod as the guys wish you good luck and leave.

You just stare at the doors for a moment, clarity finally hitting you as you realize how ridiculous it was you just left your date and ran all the way here. You couldn't just ignore cregans message. Pushing open the door its dead quiet other than the sound of running water. You walk slowly into the room the door closing behind you louder than you expected causing you to wince before you call out his name. He doesn't answer so you walk around the wall to where the showers were and you can see him outlined in the curtain and almost gasp but you cover your mouth to prevent anything from coming out.

“Jace?” His head finally snaps up due to your voice being so close and he looks in your direction, calling out your name softly in question. “I’m here.” “What are you doing here?” He turns off the shower and you turn your back incase he stepped out of the shower. You attempt to suppress the heat and want that fills your body as you imagine him naked before shaking your head, “Cregan texted, i was worried about you.” He just hums. You wish you could see his face but you hear the curtain open and the sound of him stepping out. “What about your date?”

You freeze as you clutch your purse tighter in your hands as you let out a deep breath. “What about it?” Hes suddenly standing so close to you you can feel his breath tickling your back and you gulp. “You’re here and not there, why?” One of his hands slides down your arm to grab your clenched hand as his forehead hits your shoulder, he's takes a deep breath as he awaits your answer. “Does it matter?” You don't want him to ask because you don't want to have to answer him. you don't want to have to admit to yourself you just wanted to be with him and nobody else.

“You wanna know why it matters? Because i was so fucking mad that you weren’t here i threw the fucking game and hit my head. because nobody makes me lose my mind like you do. Needed you here and you weren’t. You were out with some stupid fucking guy and i was so pissed.” He presses a kiss to your shoulder and you try to suppress the whimper that climbs its way up to your throat. “What are you saying Jace?”

His hands move to wrap around your waist and his head moves to your neck, You can feel his wet naked chest soaking the back of your dress and the heat of his breath on your neck “You know what, That i would go find a new girl to fuck because i couldn’t have you, that i think about you all the time because i like you so much, that it makes me sick when i think about you with a guy that's not me.” He begins to suck at your neck and you now do nothing to hold back the moan you let out as his grip moves to your hips pulling you back against him closer. “You mean it?” His hands slide down to the hem of your dress and he slides his hands under it and upwards pulling your dress up to poll around your hips, “of course i do baby, can i touch you?”

You let out a strained please and he pushes your underwear aside to run a finger down your slit letting out a groan, “fuck..” He quickly sticks two fingers into you and you fall back against him, withering under his touch as he moves at a rough pace, clearly very eager to please you and his other hand comes down from your hips to play with your clit. Your knees almost buckle from the amount of pleasure but he keeps you pressed tightly against him curling his fingers.

You swear he has magic powers because as you were right about to cum he pulls out of you and you whimper. He chuckles at your reaction and twists you around to face him, “want you to come around me.” He pulls you into a heated kiss as you two frantically pull off your dress, kicking it to some random corner of the locker room along with your underwear. “I don't have a condom.” You hear him swear and mumble to himself but you cup his cheeks to stop him, “I'm on the pill.” “It’s not the same-” “what are you not clean?” “of course i am-” “Then fuck me Jace.” He looks in your eyes for any signs of hesitation and when he doesn't find any he quickly pushes himself into you.

You feel like you can’t breathe, he pushes you against a nearby wall and feverishly pounds into you as his hands move to play with your tits. Hes talking but you can’t decipher what he’s saying so lost in your own pleasure. “fuck you feel so good fuck.” You tug on his hair and pull him to kiss you, your on the brink of release as the feeling of his thumbs rubbing on your nipples and the combination of the millions of emotions racing around you. You grip on his hair tightly and he groans, “You close?” You nod you head, “Wait for me.” You open your mouth to complain but his hips begin to move faster and his hands move to your hips to slam you closer to match his thrusts. “Want to come together.” His words are slurred as he’s approaching his release. Your hands scratch down his back as he groans in your ear, taking your ear and sucking on it.

“Come.” He breaths in your ear and you do, he hisses as he feels you pulse against him, your fluid completely covering him and he cant help but follow suit. He kisses you running his hands down your arms. As the two of you settle down he makes no move to pull out of you, seeming content within you.

“I'm gonna get a fucking earful from cregan.”

[merakiui]

been seeing people on twitter bringing up the “azul is actually really strong” thing again and it made me remember a scenario i thought of where azul overhears you saying stuff like strong guys are really cool and you want to be bridal carried someday but azul stays quiet

and then like one day, what if he casually bridal carries you because you hurt your leg or something and it caught you so off-guard

or or theres an arm wrestling contest in school or in the mostro lounge and to your surprise, you witness azul pushing down an opponent’s arm with ease and he’s yet to be defeated and he’s already pushed down many arms

he spots you watching but only gives you a smug look and you go 🤨🤨🤨

you wonder if its just magic or not until the tweels reveal to you that it’s azul’s real strength

i just love the idea of azul displaying his true physical strength in the most unexpected ways cause i do feel like he’s been hiding it on purpose and has been holding back all this time and that’s kinda hot!!!!

AAAAA YES YES!!!! Floyd mentions it in Happy Beans Day—how the octopus is all muscle and that that wouldn’t go away just because Azul’s become human. He notes that his “submission holds” are essentially inescapable and that once Azul has you in his grasp you’re basically done for. <3 his grip strength is also quite impressive! Maybe I’m remembering it wrong, but didn’t he also lift and carry Vargas to escape the mines during Vargas Camp like it was nothing?

In any case, I love Azul who keeps his true strength hidden and then surprises you at all the best moments. The arm wrestling contest……… orz orz maybe if you manage to beat Azul you can order anything off the menu for free. Naturally, this draws in so many students from all dorms and they each give it their best, but no one’s beat him yet. Imagine you offer to give it a go and Azul realizes he doesn’t want to hurt you if he’s too rough by accident, but then he also likes winning. T_T imagine you catch him off guard by leaning in to kiss his cheek and that’s how you win. The one time anyone was able to beat him in an arm wrestling match and it was because he was surprised by his beloved giving him a smooch. >_<

Aaaaaa or casually carrying you bridal style!!!!!!!! That’s so good. OTL perhaps you hurt yourself in PE and Azul offers right away to take you to the infirmary. You expect to hobble there alongside him, utilizing him as a crutch, so it startles you when he lifts you into his arms and carries you there without breaking a sweat. And you give him the most wildest, shocked look and he doesn’t seem to understand what the issue is,,,, until he realizes you never knew he was capable of this hehehe. >:)

[dickgraysonsptsd]

re bruce going off the deep end nd killing when dick dies; i don't know if you've read jla: the nail but it s soso insane. to me

(spoilers,, you should read it if you haven't it's rlly good and only three issues)

ok. so the joker kills robin and batgirl in some unspecified horrible way in front of bruce and forces him to keep his eyes open. and then bruce freaks out and kills him on live tv. then he grabs selina's unconscious body and goes back to the cave on autopilot. goes catatonic and just sits and stares into the distance

and then!!! selina dresses up in the robin uniform to snap him out of it (?? this feel implicative of something..) , she asks him why he's given up now and won't get justice for his partners and they go help out the jla.

in the end he turns himself in for killing the joker (he doesn’t end up going to jail though), leaves the jla and “…he continues to fight crime, his crusade has become a self-imposed penance”(. it was also that before.but now its for robin and batgirl’s deaths instead of his parents). technically they don't say which robin it is but it feels like it has to be dick w timelines and all..

but bruce's breakdown there is to me always what would happen if dick dies. like total shut down and abandonment of morality and then living the rest of his life trying to pay for it somehow.. soso insane

thank you for this rec this was such a good read!! T_T i'm surprised at how accessible this feels too, like i think someone with only passing knowledge of basic dcu info (there is a group called the justice league, batman is there, superman was raised by the kents) could still really enjoy this

the sequences in the cave are SO GOOD i love bruce's cataonia and his o_O o_o O_O eyes... selina dressing as dick to snap bruce out of it and inspire him to try again (and bruce FREAKING OUT AT IT <3) is a great moment and should go in the hall of "even dc knows brudick is There" fame. like ok your butlerdad can't help you... your gf can't help you... but believing your dead brothersonfriendhusband is alive again and speaking to you CAN finally shake you from your grief catatonia... hm!!!

i loved the ending w/ bruce returning to gotham to continue the mission but withdrawing from the world... dick being the ray of light that helped bruce open up to others and learn to work with a partner/teammates, and then dick's death being what causes him to retreat from his team for good and close off from the world again... bruce treating his mission now as penance for failing dick... AARGH!!

it's basically the best case scenario for the aftermath of dick dying that i can see happening... bruce kills but it's just the one time, then he goes back to gotham to be severely depressed (EVEN MORE THAN USUAL) forever 😭😭😭 they're never going to invent a dick grayson dying that isn't world-shattering for bruce!!!!!!

[thekingofthenameless]

Is Arthur a character in TKN, and if he is, what kind of role does he play? I know Uther is the Villain King of the story, and I was curious on how you planned to portray Arthur, if at all? 👀

Thanks for the ask! :D

For reference, this is Uther’s appearance in TKN!

He may look cool, but trust me, he’s not a good person at all.

He’s charming (superficially), lacking empathy and a sense of guilt, a pathological liar, inclined to psychologically manipulate, bold, impulsive, narcissistic, arrogant, inclined to violence…

The list goes on, and it’s because he’s a psychopath. The word is overused and misused, but I mean it in the (current) true definition. It can be caused by “genetic and environmental issues, such as neglect or abuse by parental figures”, from Wikipedia’s article covering it.

A few risk factors are also “family history, parental neglect, abuse, or psychological manipulation of the affected child”. And depending on how I characterize his father, Constantine (The Third possibly, but idk lol), he could’ve been a sweetheart who was abused into becoming a monster, or he was the monster all along.

Either way, he destroys everyone around him, intentionally or not. He harbors secret hate towards Merlin and Charlie, because neither of them are like him at all, besides both being blatantly magic.

Realizing there’s so much I haven’t thought about…

Back in Daylight’s Redemption: Emerald Embers, Merlin had been living at Camelot for 100 years when the story started (separated from Charlie at that point; I’ll say more about that in a different post). The order of the kings I had was Vortigern, Constantine, Uther, and Arthur. Vortigern is the only one who isn’t explicitly related to them, but he was who I was going with.

The order of the kings still makes sense to me? But I don’t know how long Merlin and Charlie would’ve been living at Camelot before “present day”. T_T

Anyways, Uther is a sun coded character, like Merlin is subtly moon coded with his earrings!

Camelot has the sun as its insignia, making Merlin’s moon motifs seem like he’s rebelling against the royals’ authority. (He is. Secretly.)

Merlin actually had moon motifs back in Daylight's Redemption, to match Morgana! But when I started The King of the Nameless, I wasn't sure who the brutal sun character would be for a while, since at the "beginning" of the story, Morgana isn't even alive yet. And of course, she isn't the Morgana from Tales of Arcadia. (I'll talk more about her later.) Ignore the tag for Morgana lol; that's for ToA's version, not mine.

Finaly had a stroke of genius and decided it would be Uther! That was before he'd been designed lol, so now that he was going to have that coding, I wanted to finally give him one.

It was... difficult. He was being a bitch to design along with just. being a bitch in general. Forgot he was supposed to be 25, so I kept making dudes in their 40s in the game Dragon's Dogma, and I also couldn't decide if I wanted him to be handsome or ugly. To past me, “the first option would show that evil people can be handsome too, but I don't still don’t want people simping for him. The second option might make it unintentionally seem like 'Oh of course he’s evil! He’s ugly!’”

Made a poll asking if I should make him handsome or ugly, and handsome won! After that, I think I finally gave up and commissioned Merlin's first artist, using some references at the bottom of the post.

That's how his design finally came to be!

Then after that, his backstory that I really need to update at some point went through multiple revisions.

Idea 1: Listened to “Monster” from Epic the Musical and thought of him not always being evil until his father died; (magically related, presumably) he saw his brother, Aurelius, who was the older brother and king at this point in time, struggling under the weight of the crown and blamed it on magic doing this. Then as he grew up with Merlin as one his mentors, he realized that Merlin was insane (read: mentally ill) and felt like he was losing him, and presumed his magic did it to him.

His brother died, and his feelings towards magic taking everything from him only increased. Logical solution is, of course, eradicating magic completely so no one else would get hurt because of it (and starting with murdering Merlin). I had no idea how that would fit in with Igraine.

I didn't want to retcon Uther’s character, but I also thought a kind character becoming a monster was peak. I had no idea who a different character could be though.

Idea 2: Constantine sucked ass and Merlin basically raised Uther, but the latter's biological father still managed to get into Uther’s head that Merlin was crazy. That cued the complicated feelings of not wanting the one who raised him to die, while also thinking he needed to be put out of his misery so he wouldn't suffer anymore, and the misguided offspring betrayal. Seemed like a tragic villain at this point, and once again couldn't figure out how to make Igraine fit. He also started planning the magical genocide behind Merlin’s back because he knew that Merlin would never agree, and his reasoning was that magic took his father and brother, and he wouldn’t let that happen to anyone else.

Idea 3: Make Aurelius the asshole brother to fit the previous two ideas. Or Uther was still an asshole and he was dead. Or he faked his death or something.

@danhengsbestie and I got mixed up while talking about the third idea, and she thought I meant make Uther good and Aurelius evil, but I meant keep Uther evil and Aurelius good. She liked his design and though he could be a good guy, and that I could give him a more heroic treatment. I disagreed because if you know what he did to Igraine (and Gorlois afterwards) in the Legends, then you know.

Made another poll. Uther won, so that's what I kept.

If anyone wants to hear more about Uther, and Igraine, Gorlois, and that whole situation, send me an ask? 👀 There's some dark things there so I'd put it in a separate post so people can avoid it if they need to. Also this is getting a bit long even without their designs and things...

Ending Uther's bit with this: something funny about Charlie’s personality changing is that at one point Uther hated him for “being like him (and he doesn’t realize it)” but now their personalities are vastly different lol.

Compared to Uther’s above traits, Charlie’s serious, brave, protective (of Merlin), compassionate (towards Merlin), as well as fierce but loving and loyal, who sometimes takes a little bit longer to care about people than Merlin due to personality differences. He'll readily state his opinions and start arguments without caring, as well as having no qualms about staring people down while gauging their personality and threat level. Was at first completely normal but is now Fucked Up too.

Arthur:

I... have no official design for this dude yet. But like in many of the Legends, he's the son of Uther and Igraine! He's also the older sister of Morgana.

These are just a few of his portrayals in media, in order: King Arthur by Charles Ernest Butler, N. C. Wyeth's title page illustration for The Boy's King Arthur (1922), The Sword in the Stone (1963), The Quest for Camelot, Once Upon A Time, Merlin (2008), and Tales of Arcadia.

These are a couple of beta designs I made before I realized I wanted him to look younger, like his father, and these are also from before Uther got designed lol.

I also made a couple of Picrews for him, but now when I look at them I'm like: "Why are you white."

Because this is the color swatch I picked directly from Morgana's skin, and while her original artist said she could be any race or gender I wanted since she was designed to be ambigious, I went with her being Greek after @honeyxmonkey suggested it!

Decided to attempt another design for him while making this post, and I'm not set on it, but for now this is him lol.

I think he looks like Krel from Tales of Arcadia. 💀

Anyways, onto his portrayal!

Or former portrayal. Apparently most of this is not updated information. I'm so sorry to disappoint lol.

Some of this is a combination of Daylight’s Redemption and TKN content.

DR, January: I was thinking about Arthur struggling with trusting his magic his whole life because of Uther’s upbringing, in spite of Merlin and Morgana proving that magic can be good instead of doing an abrupt 180 as soon as Guinevere dies. Because most fics either have him hating magic the whole fic regardless of logical timelines, or have the 180, but I was thinking the struggle would be interesting because it contrasted Gwen, who’s loved magic her whole life and he loves her, Merlin, and Morgana enough to keep trying to fight his father’s opinions drilled into.

Then it’s all thrown down the drain when Bellroc stabs him and the Order makes him the Green Knight.

And Gwen dying also pushed him over the edge of after all his trying and launching the genocide out of grief despite Merlin and Morgana’s pleas.

TKN, January: Despite me starting to change the newly titled writing into a book, Guinevere was still dead due to magical means, and Arthur still started the genocide out of grief.

February: I realized Merlin being more open with his emotions meant he actually told people about his visions, which made it even more gutwrenching when Merlin told Arthur about his vision of the latter committing the magical genocide, and he was so grief stricken he did it anyways because he felt like Uther was right about everything he taught him despite him being dead for years at this point.

March: He was going to be one of four of Merlin’s adopted kids: him, Guinevere, Morgana, and Mordred. Which is very weird compared to now, where Merlin only has Charlie as his adopted kid lol. I’ll elaborate more on him and Charlie in an ask @gaylightisminetocommand sent!

Arthur was adopted first because Uther was severely lacking as a father figure (to say the least). Guinevere came to Camelot every summer to hopefully become friends with Arthur because the two were betrothed (Swan Princess, anyone?). And they did bond pretty much immediately! Morgana was adopted because at that point, she also lived in Camelot, and Uther was just as amazing with her. Same with Mordred.

Currently: Something that will stay the same from my most recent version is Arthur being nicer than some portrayals, such as Once Upon A Time, where, according to the casting call, is “a good and just ruler who, beneath the surface, is a master manipulator who can carry a grudge to the grave, and maybe beyond. He harbors an eternal burning love for Guinevere that can lean toward being a bit... controlling.”, or Tales of Arcadia, where he enacts a magical genocide after Guinevere dies. (Back then, this was because of Merlin’s influence, but if that stays the same Merlin will be more of a mentor figure than a parental one.)

Also, Mordred is still going to be related to him, but he isn’t his son like the Legends. Especially not through his mother being Morgana (or Morgause depending on the version). They’re both Arthur’s half-sisters, and there won’t be any incest in TKN at all. Mordred also won’t bring around the end of Camelot lol. I think.

Also also, he’s a great older brother to Morgana, and he and Guinevere actually have a wholesome marriage! He never has any lovers besides her, and they rule Camelot as equals.

To apologize for the lack of information, I’m also going to yap about Guinevere and Morgana!

Guinevere:

I actually have more of a set design for her!

I could've SWORN she's usually blonde at first, so I made that design first, but most images I found depict her with brown hair. So now… I can’t decide if I like blonde or brunette better. 😭

Back in January, when I was first coming up with new ideas, I thought of Morgana being a teenager instead of a grown woman like usual, and at this point, she was the child produced by ahem. The if you know thing. Her being so much younger when Uther died and being the result of the Uther thing™️ instead of Arthur caused her a lot of insecurity, but Guinevere didn’t care about the circumstances of her birth because it wasn’t her fault, and basically became an older sister to her. When she died, Morgana was shattered.

Debated on if I was going to keep her dead or not as I went through more revisions, and finally decided not to :] She’s gonna live!!!

Back when Merlin had four kids, I was debating on if he possibly would have three instead, since her just coming every summer might not be enough for him to be a dad to her. At the very least, they’d have been friends.

In her current version, she still loves Morgana, and she’s an older sister figure to her like before. And a line in God Games from Epic: the Musical applies to her: “Never once has he cheated on his wife”. The Lancelot affair destroying the round table doesn’t occur, and we love a loyal queen!

Morgana:

Like Merlin, she’s gone through a few design changes.

This was her first design! And I still think she looks cute :) It’s very different from her current one though lol.

This was way back when I first started TKN! I was thinking of inverting Arthur and Morgana’s usual designs, and making him have black hair, and her have blonde hair.

I’ll go through her ton of backstory changes like Merlin and Charlie first and reveal her design at the end!

As I said, originally, she was Uther’s daughter produced by that, a bastard child because Uther wasn’t married to her mother. He hated her because of it, even though it was the consequences of his own actions.

In the og Arthurian Legends, the result was Arthur, but I forgot which sibling it was, so I had to Google it, and I also wanted Morgana angst. Uther also treated her like shit for having magic; she was eight when it first started.

He only let Merlin train her in magic so she wouldn’t become a monster, but unbeknownst to them, he was secretly sending assassins in attempts to rid himself of her (and he might have done it to Merlin too).

Also I wasn’t very smart lol, because then I couldn’t decide if she or Arthur was going to be Igraine’s child but… in Arthurian Legends they’re both her kids. I thought they were half-siblings through Uther, not her. That’s part of why Morgana was the bastard child first, but then I couldn’t decide which one it was going to be, and apparently. I didn’t have to and I’m just stupid.

Like how I forgot Arthur was the original child by Uther in the Legends. 😭 But in my defense, I may have been thinking of BBC Merlin where they were actually half-siblings through Uther.

After my realization, I was thinking about how Merlin would become Morgana’s surrogate father because of her being Igraine and Gorlois’ daughter, and Uther wouldn’t have any claim to take her to Camelot that way; so maybe they would actually die of old age later on, and then she was taken to Camelot. (Uther was possibly still alive because he was forcing Merlin to keep him immortal. Idk. Or Arthur and Gwen were ruling Camelot by then and he wantsd to take in the half-sister he’s never met.) So anyways, she latched onto Merlin because he was nice just like her parents were, and he was magic just like her, and as much as her parents had loved her, they had never known what it was to be magic in a world that hated you.

But then @danhengsbestie said killing them off was rude lol.

Then I thought that maybe actually she could start coming to Camelot every summer or something so Merlin could teach her magic. And then she has three parents.

When Guinevere dies, she and Arthur were both heartbroken, and her grief got even worse when Arthur launched the genocide against magical beings despite her and Merlin’s pleas.

She couldn’t take being in the castle after Gwen’s funeral, and she goes out to the forest, where my equivalent of the Arcane Order at this point found her.

“Nari” sensed her soul and how much pain she was in, and they decide that her grief and young age makes her a prime target for them.

They easily manipulate her into being their pawn, and the “fight” between Merlin and her was him getting her to stand down after he tells her who they truly are.

But no one else was taking her unintentional betrayal well…

Well, that was wild. It’s gonna get even worse with Merlin and Charlie’s post lollll.

Another idea I had was Morgana getting a prosthetic arm later, like how ToA Morgana got the prosthetic hand.

And a day later, I found an adoptable that I decided was perfect! I was so glad they (designed to be an ambiguous gender as well as race lol) were still available, because I would’ve been crushed. 😭 I couldn’t believe nobody had snagged them.

They didn’t have a name either when I got them lol, but I saw them and I was like “Ohh that’s beautiful!! WAIT THAT WOULD BE A PERFECT MORGANA DESIGN”

I thought it was hilarious that I had the idea for her to have a prosthetic arm and then not even a day later bam. art.

I still have to figure out how she loses her arm and part of her left ear, along with getting the scars on her face.

The one thing that’s stayed consistent about her is being a lesbian! :D Like ToA’s is.

Back when Uther was still her stepfather, I had an idea for him being so despicable that he yelled at Morgana after she lost her arm for being that “careless” when she’d just woken up at Camelot after passing out from the blood loss and being bandaged up. Yeah that definitely won’t happen now.

I wasn’t actually going to make her Greek at first, but when I was making a reference sheet for her, her skin color came out as various shades of brown when I used a color picker tool. Before, I thought she was white because of the lighting. I thought it was my mistake, so I asked her original artist if he had a possible race for her, and he said I could decide.

Like I said, @honeyxmonkey suggested her being Greek after saying she looked vaguely Latina lol, and I ran with it! I also made a few Picrews of her during the figuring out her race part, and you can see how she changed! The third one is actually still a little bit lighter than her color swatch lol.

Oh also, she gets a familiar eventually! :D Her name is Willa!

Since Charlie is one of the biggest animal familiars currently existing, she’ll definitely be smaller than him, but other than that I don’t have a current size for her lol.

Artist credits: Soberana Art (on Artstation) MuriWorks (on DeviantArt), inn13art (on DeviantArt)

Picrew credits: brightgoat, romanapologist/hotvanilla, baydews

Links to their individual posts, if applicable: Uther reveal, Original Uther concepts, Uther design poll, Uther moral alignment poll, Original character, (1, 2,) Young Arthas Menethil, 3rd Uther reference), King Arthur, N. C. Wyeth's illustration, The Sword in the Stone Arthur, The Quest for Camelot Arthur, Once Upon A Time Arthur, BBC Arthur, ToA Arthur, ADOPTABLE - Machine Amongst the Flowers (on DeviantArt) Willa (on DeviantArt). (also a few more links throughout the post lol)

Taglist: @gaylightisminetocommand, @the-arson-author-gamer, @honeyxmonkey, @danhengsbestie, @falki-of-the-vanir

[auspex]

ranking my current and former special interests

NOTES: this is not a tier list of everything i like. in fact there are several things i spent more time on and liked just as much that aren't on this list, but i can feel when i become Abnormal about something and it becomes a special interests. explanations under the cut

from this i learned i need more special interests that aren't media, but at least my current special interest, WoD, encourages me to be creative... unfortunately i also cannot pick my special interests T_T

in text form:

S: Birds

A: World of Darkness, Mitski

B: A Song of Ice and Fire (book series); Star Wars; Maoism (plaese read explanation lmao); Animal Crossing; Darkest Dungeon; Puella Magi Madoka Magica; Portal

C: Binding of Isaac, Yuri on Ice

F: Homestuck, LoveNikki

S Birds: Pure, wonderful creatures, i want my special interest to revive instead of just loving them. like this was my first special interest i think. i love birds.... ERA: Childhood

A WoD: I know it has many issues but it gains points for A) making me do creative stuff B) bringing me out of a dark place C) gaining me wonderful internet friends and D) being current special interest. ERA: PRESENT (mid-20s)

Mitski: I'm normal about her now, but oh my god. impeccable. no notes really. shout out to mitski for being in top 10 spotify wrapped for me since 2019. and breaching top 5 a majority of those times. ERA: Late Teens, early 20s

B ASOIAF: I'm glad there's at least one meaty book series here. It loses points because of GRRM being Weird and misogynistic often, as well as Bad TV show, and being NEVER FINISHED but. im sorry. its good. ERA: Mid high school

Star Wars: By god i can watch episode iii a billion times and the novelization changed me deeply. obi wan i am still obsessed with you. however. it loses points. due to. Well. you know. Disney... :( ERA: Middle school and early high school

Maoism: OK so. thank u maoism for helping me figure out and articulate my beliefs and giving me a sense of purpose. however. i also joined a political org that turned out to be Terrible due to it. so. it loses points for that. and also while i still largely agree w/the ideology im still refiguring out my politics after that half politicalorg half cult debacle ERA: Early 20s

Animal Crossing: You saved me in high school, thank you ERA: Middle school and all of high school

Darkest Dungeon: I LOVE YOU DARKEST DUNGEONNN but it hasn't sparked any creativity, just consumption, so it is limited in that way. ERA: Mid high school

Puella Magi Madoka Magica: Gorgeous show, influenced me to become an anime fan, has its issues though ERA: Early High School

Portal: Excellent game. i was indeed abnormal about it in high school. however i struggle to see where it had positive lasting impact on me, it was just kinda there. but its v good! ERA: Early high school

C Binding of Isaac: Another game that saved my in high school, however it got so many expansions and i dropped it. it loses points cause unlike the other video games in B tier, i dont think ill ever return to it, or in the case of portal, straight up isn't as good. ERA: All of high school

Yuri on Ice: This was a cringe one but it was a very strong interest by god. theres not like, anything super wrong with it, just... yeah. moving on. ERA: A brief period in early college

F Homestuck: Oh god im so sorry. so many problems. both technical and moral. let's move on again: ERA: all of high school, unfortunately

LoveNikki: The only reason why homestuck isn't bottom of the barrel is because LoveNikki caused me to waste so much money (it is a mobile game) when i was depressed. it was a money sink. oh and the way they handle dressing up darker skin tones is racist and there are some racist outfits in it. so it pisses me off. ERA: A year in early college

[askfallenroyalty]

Post was already wordy af but I wanted to elaborate:

Chara and Frisk share a soul

Asriel doesnt grow up right away

Main reason: I feel I lose sight of the og premise pretty quick as it shifts to drama and big plot points.

Having the kids all be able to communicate and spend time together as kids would work much better!!! And like, the time skip with Asriel leaving to be King still works its just happening slightly later in their timeline.

Its important to see the family, well, act as a family! I say no to plot getting in the way of that so soon! Give us time to enjoy just being back and alive T_T

Its my biggest regret (past the regrets I've talked at length lol) that the story inherently runs past them just getting a Happy Ending. Like it's too quick to get to the After ),:

But now to specifics:

#1 Frisk and Chara sharing a soul would neatly tie into soul lore in a more organic way. It forces that to stay in the focus.

It has the siblings work together. Structurally Frisk gets the short end of the stick being excluded from Asriel and Chara Flower and magic crap. Now Frisk is directly involved and on more equal ground. Regardless of larger story stuff, I do want to edit chapter 1 to establish a soul connection even if its more weak than this proposal.

This also makes Chara more on Team Human and less of a biological Dreemurr. Chara wouldn't be a flower boss monster, which I always felt was a bit too convoluted? Don't ask me how they have a body I haven't figured it out yet bro

#2 Golly I think Asriel being a kid would do a lot of wonders for the story I wouldn't even know where to start. While I like the "I grew up too fast because of what happened" angle as it's a cool metaphor, I think it'd be nicer to give Asriel a chance to be. Well, Asriel first. Let them be a kid for a while before becoming a corrupt king! Let them experience being best friends with both frisk and chara...

And like, to some extent I can have some of this happen in the continued rewrite version. I already have plans to fix some of these issues, but theyre also baked into the structure so that's why I'm kinda leaning into the idea of a real reboot. Like let's go gamers I wanna make this into a VN

[kiddotarot]

Thank you so much for the reading! I hope I wasn’t too late! I went blank as soon I went through your reading, I’m not sure of the reason though! But here is the feedback!

Emotions

Interestingly, you mention soulmate because I always tried to find wholeness in friendships. Well, that went bad haha but I think it correlates to your reading and taught me that I’m enough as I am and I don’t need someone to do things I can do myself. I initially did want my mother to create a beautiful environment for me but I’m very grateful for the environment she raised me in and for creating the person I am today. I do wish we cleared the misunderstandings and brought in a little more patience and empathy between us. This is SO true! I could never function without acceptance, but with recent introductions of rejections and failures, I’ve lost the emotional requirement for acceptance and administration.

Why are you here

This reminder was needed, thank you. I do feel responsible for incidents which logically speaking I wasn’t even involved in. Ah, I think I’m doing everything but that, I should make more efforts to connect to the divine and stop feeling and reacting to every occurrence.

Past life vibration

I don’t have a weak immunity now so I like to think it would be the former. Again intriguing because I was always attracted to the profession of healing and constantly asked to pursue it. Yes, I do neglect myself so I do need to nourish myself physically and mentally.

Communication issues

I’m not focusing on my spiritual side properly so I’m unable to accurately figure out a person but yes. People can’t fool me. Looking into their dark side, I do but I don’t use it against them. I don’t even let them know about it. I think as a result of my failed friendships, I found it necessary to analyse every person around me. But yes haha, I’ll stop it as soon as possible.

Love issues

Ah is this why I’m so repulsed by relationships? T_T But yes, I think I need no help in that department! I’m already on the way to completing myself.

Life path

My inner security is somewhat lacking so I’m glad you brought it to my notice. I do need to figure out what my inner resources are though. I’m also learning to detach myself from toxicity so the reminder popping up is also a good sign!

Past life Childhood

Self-image destroyed in childhood? This life, I did build it up but lost it again in my teenhood. I do need to fix that though.

Submitting to a powerful male… Is that the reason why I can’t stand men who try to ‘fix’ me? Past life trauma? Fortunately I have extremely good parents who wouldn’t let that happen so I think those problems do end in this life.

Mother karma

This explains why I’m so connected and protective of my mother in this life. I’ve experienced most of the lessons I’ve learned in life with my mother so I think that says something.

Healing

This. I did stop all my outlets to creativity because of certain events but I’ll start over again. Finding myself, I’m on the journey I hope.

Thank you so much again for your energy and time! I hope this review is satisfactory! If I’ve missed out on anything, please let me know!

I also have some questions I hope you don’t mind answering! If you don’t want to or can’t, please feel free to ignore it!

1) What did you mean by my parents not being there for me?

2) Are any curses or bad karma left over from my previous birth? (I would love to rectify them T_T)

3) Could this be my last birth since you mentioned practising detachment to become one with the divine?

First of all thank you so much for this long feedback its really going to help me to improve my practice. Now let get on question.

1. Every souls carried some wounds and bad experience related to childhood it also effect over current lifetime you can see a person and tell them they have a old soul which is more experienced like a child in a home is more mature and patience( mostly eldest child )than his parents and siblings then its and old soul our soul take birth to experience what missed and not complete desire it important to get let go and stay fullness in your heart and not to carry this experience in next birth.

2.Our karmas governed by saturan he is the real lord of our karma which we are going to experience in this lifetime and creating here your saturan sits in 10H and lord of 4H and 5H some parts its means karma related to family, property, childhood, romentic connection and work place your profession i think chiron( not sure ) is also there so your family can also a healing place for you .

3. Most of the people i read who are into spirituality and tarot , chart and other practice get it its the human life ultimate goal to do karma without any greed and get detached and build connection to Divine. You are lucky you are on right path .🫂

[radiation]

did you play any game(s) recently that you enjoyed? not just wondering about rpg games but i saw the rpg games post and am excited to look at some of the suggestions on that one myself.

I played Content Warning w some of my friends and it was dope. Love to be a funny guy with a T_T face and make funny ass videos not much more to say than that. Played The Midnight Scenes - From The Woods and had a good time with it, its a short horror game and its got the rare quality where like. I felt they somewhat dropped the ball on the story & the horror aspect but the character writing was so incredibly charming that it made up for it.

Also just finished watching my buddy play through Mother 3 and I liked it toooooo although you may be surprised to hear it wasnt quite my thing. Not what was asked but Im gonna expand on some of my thoughts about it here cuz why not

With how unbelievably obsessed I was with Earthbound as a kid, I was hoping Mother 3 would stir up the same kinda love and become an all time favorite game of mine but unfortunately it did not. I think I prefer Earthbound to Mother 3 the same way that I preferred Anodyne 1 to Anodyne 2 where it's like. If you're iterating on a formula in the pursuit of a more cohesive and serious story throughout the entire game, then you have to REALLY commit and REALLY succeed for me to be on board because otherwise I'll nitpick like hell. And I felt like in some ways, for the story Mother 3 was trying to tell, it was a bit noncommittal, with some parts going on for a bit too long, some locations having a bit too little thought put into them, some sections not quite as Committed to the Bit as I'd like them to be or not quite as dark as they could be, some characters lacking just enough development for me to really feel it. All of these things culminating in me lacking immersion in the game's world. I think I'm likely to be a lot more charitable towards games like Earthbound w less of a story focus and more random ass funny ass shit going on even if the gameplay is kinda ass, cuz lighthearted playfulness colors flaws with a certain amount of charm and flavor rather than directly detracting from the experience. Exception to this is I prefer Deltarune to Undertale because Deltarune's writing kicks so much ass that it completely sidesteps all of the issues I tend to have. Anyways Mother 3 is still very very good but Im dat crazy ass narrative / characterization guy so I can be hard to please

[p-receh]

I'M BAAAAAACK

Let's continue the missing part from anon's questions.

LET'S GO

Anyway anon. I'm in deeply sorry for late reply. Please don't be mad at me T_T

For me back to my previous rants over that vid of episodes 6. Oboi let himself quite and take a rest a little while to comprehend what he's done while splitting.

Since I thought elementals didn't have an official leader under Oboi, Oboi himself in my headcanon were in sleep paralysis during split. Letting his elementals do the job. So whenever they recombine, I always see Oboi as he just woke up and try to recollect all the dreams he saw.

There's a random hypothesis I came up with while watching movie 2 for the first time: That is Oboi's individual elementals exist and only exist as long as they live in Oboi's.

So when Retak'ka and Tok Kasa pulled them out, the elementals instantly went ... uuuh how you pronounce it? Torpidity? Becoming apparent death as a silent tool to its original owner. Same case when Ki'rana took Halilintar from Oboi via Satriantar's sword(?).

This is proven with how l did mention this before, Oboi is the first one who uses split technique. And the way he handled the elementals is like he treating the elementals like some sort of how people control emotions. This comment I stumbled upon beautifully encapsulates it.

Also I find it quite interesting and almost in a bit shock after Beliung incident and during battle in Gur'latan. The former one is showing how Oboi resigned in lending the Wind power to Lady Kuputeri. Beliung case reminded him a lot of Retak'ka, but I think it reminds him from the first time Angin got his 2nd Tier, Taufan.

(back to my other analysis here. With how huge the wind element that Boboiboy absorbed in Planet Windara, his overwhelming joy unconsciously took over Boboiboy)

Whereas the later is portraying Oboi's actually petrified that Halilintar will got the similar unexpected treatment for the third time!

(The way after he shout then comes a pleading voice right after that. I have a headcanon that the pleading voice was Halilintar's last second slipped in.)

If anything, I see both of them not as Oboi, but the real character of the elementals! | know the spoiler about Halilintar's. But I didn't expect to be this worse. (Now I can see why people went frantic about Halilintar at that issue :3).

It goes back to the picture | found on Pinterest. Please tell me the original link. I can't find it (the font whoever use it was hardly readable for me, I'm sorry ^^`)

This is also goes back to what I've mentioned with Boboiboy movie 1 & 2 review. Everytime he let off his hat. His also let his hidden "weakness" opens up.

But at the same time...

The moments his hat wears off is also to show his proofs as a hero for everyone and his family. Especially for his dad who Oboi's dearly missed. That's why he looked very mature whenever he fight without his hat.

His hat for me is resembles of Monsta's clingingness and guardedness 24/7 to make this series still be kids friendly.

If the season 2 ended with 3rd tier design like that. And movie 3 concept art of him being alone... I don't want any Monsta excuses to not upgrade their age ratings.

No.

You started it. So you face the consequences, Monsta >:(

Ehem.

And the elementals unknowingly helps him to achieve that. If I can make some wild headcanon: No, anon. I don't think the elementals wants to leave Oboi.

Not directly proven but their bondings with Oboi are too strong to divide. If anything, the elementals are unofficially being loyal to him. Movie 2 and galaxy season 2 for is already evident enough. (Also it's how Hang Kasa dreamed of with all elementals being unite to protect the galaxy. He couldn't be more proud when there's a boy did that indirectly. Just like how Gempa purposely being the leader of the elementals :'))

Also.

Linking to what I said about the amnesia problem on previous post. Oddly enough, for comic ver, Monsta didn't dwell further on this problem until Baraju arc. But then again in the same arc, Oboi's mental health hasn't detected any worrisome effects! And he CAN STILL FIGHT normally by using a new fusion not long after recombining??

Like-

bro-What?

Monsta didn't let Oboi fucking rest for the sake of introducing the last fusion, Sopan(Not to make any rudeness for Sopan, mind you. I honestly loves his design and attacks. The most unique design of all fusion if I say so myself). Holy shit both Blaze and lce just did a smash brawl shit and almost unleashed their final smash! If not because of Fang, both the temper duo and Oboi should be dead by now. Period.

[mistlestripe]

Redtail’s debt (mostly) rewrite concept ideas.

Okay so I skimmed over Redtail’s debt the other day, and GOD I was just never a fan of the writing in that book. Redtail’s character is super generic and like they just chose a random “protagonist” personality for him, the pacing is strange and fucks up the timeline a LOT considering Darkstripe nor Longtail are even IMPLIED to be conceived, and that doesn't even mention the terrible straight-up MISTAKES of Ravenpaw’s behavior and Oakheart’s death. 

Honestly my biggest gripe is his and Tigerclaws dynamic though. Tigerclaw in the first series is implied to be someone that EVERYONE trusts, someone who is noble and that people believe in as a good cat to trust their clan into (considering he became deputy, and clearly had enough of a reputation to become shadowclan’s leader). I don’t like how obviously evil he behaves, and how he seems to have a track-record of being violent and unnecessarily cruel (Acoording to a windclan cat in the book) . And I especially dont like how Redtail is characterized as naïve and is so obviously taken advantage of, and how Redtail grows to become hateful and distrustful of Tigerclaw despite the whole situation of that intending to be super unexpected and shocking. IDK I just think it’d have more depth if there was no “mistrust” involved, because we know how it turns out already, it just becomes boring if the characters themselves predict it.

Though warning i briefly mention spottedleaf’s heart around the beginning. However the contents of that book are never mentioned and only really referenced in regards to timeline issues I have.

It’s RLLY long just a warning. also srry for bad grammar and typos and rambly text.

Though do tell me your opinions! Let me know anything that is weird about my idea or anything that is GOOD about my idea! I’m not an experienced writer at all so I’d appreciate critique! (I do love to just discuss about it)

First off, while I’m not opposed to Willow/Red/Spotted all being siblings, I don’t like him being younger than tigerclaw like that. It’s not THAT big a deal but he’s implied to be super respectable, and it just makes not that much sense that Bluestar would pick a younger warrior over an older warrior. and more POINTEDLY I don’t like Spottedleaf being in that same litter bec that would imply she was super old by TPB T_T.... I’d probably just remove Spottedleaf from Redtail’s debt or just make it so she’s a kit during later in the book, rather than being of same age (they can still have the same parents, maybe it can be noted that Adderfang and Swiftbreeze are old and spottedleaf’s litter is gonna be their last litter (Which I know would mess with the timeline a bit since they retire, but its not that big a change I dont think? Or at least something that cant be fixed with other changes...) Spottedpaw doesnt do much in Redtail’s debt so it’s not so much a problem in here rather than in Spottedleaf’s heart. I could put him in Leopard/Patch’s litter but I’d rather not since I dont like him being older than Bluestar either/or that much older than Tigerclaw.

I do prefer Tigerclaw being younger than Redtail though, Ik it doesnt make much sense in line with bluestars prophecy but whatever we can just pretend like thats changed (as in redtail’s litter randomly being born at some point during then before Tigerstar’s, Tigerclaw’s birth would stay the same in the same time) --- It’d also work with some Willowpelt context I have in mind but I’ll get to that later

I’d basically swap the dynamic, Redtail being an older apprentice-near warrior age at the beginning of the book, and Tigerpaw being a newer, younger apprentice. I’d give him “YS brokenpaw” syndrome (i didnt care for that being brokenpaw’s personality anyways like its not terrible but whatever) and he’s SUPER eager to train and battle and be overly enthusiastic and eager to prove himself to his bitchy mentor thistleclaw and because of that he speaks out and misbehaves a lot.

My main idea is rather than the painfully obvious storytelling in Redtail’s debt where Redtail is naive and Tigerclaw saves him and then Tigerclaw makes him do evil things (which, I do not like that TIGERCLAW is specifically bad. It fucks up the first arc where it was “unexpected” and everyone looked up to him and wanted him to be deputy. like its just so blatant like give us subtlety pls)

Anyways but like instead of that I’d make it so TIGERPAW is the one who first gets into trouble, whereas Redpaw would be the one to save him -- Tigerpaw is shocked and angry he couldn’t save himself but Tigerpaw would tell Redpaw he “owes him one” and is gonna make it up to him one day

Then in another chapter there’d be a timeskip, Redtail becoming a warrior, this chapter would be mostly “fluff” parts (or it would just be giving stuff that leads to the next “action” part) But Tigerpaw reminds Redtail that even if he’s a warrior, that Tigerpaw will still make it up to him and to not forget his promise-- Redtail brushes this off though as he sees it as Tigerpaw just being young and not serious. It could note how old his mother is and how she declined being an elder or something

But after that it would eventually lead into a cat-battle, probably Riverclan related, and there would be some action moment where Redtail worries about his old mother and struggles to find her and assure that she’s safe, Only for Tigerpaw to save him and help him save his mother (Maybe he can also help redtail by helping him carry her if shes wounded or smth idk) And it basically ends up with Redtail being proud of Tigerpaw (Who could become Tigerclaw here actually because I dont think Tigerclaw’s warrior ceremony was ever given much reason other than them two just being warrior-aged, it’d be good for Tigerclaw’s reputation context in the first arc if he actually did more “great” acts) and it basically gets to Tigerclaw being like “I told you I would pay you back one day.” And Redtail being like “Thank you Tigerclaw. Whatever debt there was between us has been repaid honorably. I’m proud to call you my clanmate.” sort of thing blah blah. 

Note: A concept idea I had is that younger-Willowpelt is characterized similarly to Rosetail’s place in BP, being boy-interested and as an apprentice stating how she’d love to have kits some day (like beyond typical degree though), I thought of maybe keeping that old “Tawnyspots is Darkstripes father” concept but the relationship would be like a Nightcloud situation where she simply dated a much younger (though adult), unrelatable Crowfeather because she wanted to have kits--- I imagined it being gossip that Tawnyspots wants to have kits before he dies ((but it wouldn’t go in depth of their relationship, I don’t imagine Tawnyspots was actually in love with her but he wasn’t distant or abusive about it. It’d just be one of those things that are like “oh that makes sense because X” that are mentioned only in passing))-- though since it happened within a timeskip Darkkit’s father could go unnamed. Moving Red/Willow’s birth to before Tigerclaws would make this work more so that Willowpelt at least gets to be a warrior before Tawnyspots dies.

But then another timeskip and Willowpelt gives birth to Darkkit, probably just being the only one of his litter because tragedy is uneeded here, and Swiftbreeze also turns out to be pregnant around the same time (which cats could gossip about how old she is ig bec warrior cats are rude) --- ((Though actually I might make it so she has kits a little later, but not by that much))

This point is a little bit more cloudy in terms of my thought process, but I imagine whether it be a battle, or kit-danger, Tigerclaw saves Willowpelt and Darkkit in another intense *redtail scared for his family* moment, which would lead up to an interaction being like (not literally this is just what im coming up with) Tigerclaw: “I’m just repaying my debt. I’ll never forget how you saved my life Redtail.”  Redtail: “Your debt has been repaid. I promise, Tigerclaw, I’ll pay you back for all the times you’ve helped me, as you’ve done for me. Let’s consider this a debt of my own.”

(So which is what gives the title “Redtails debt” more depth up there ^^^ Also note at this point it wouldn’t be acknowledged but Tigerclaw’s kindness is now more “building up his reputation” rather than him being a nice person. like manipulatively he’s acting super noble)  And Although after this would leave an opening for some more plot (maybe some sort of fallout scene like the original RD had, but rather than it ending with Redtail not trusting him I think I’d make it so Tigerclaw ties it up much better and Redtail still trusts him MAYBE something like there’s a sunningrocks battle and some character dies because Tigerclaw tells him not to give up/end the fight-- though it wouldn't end with Redtail not trusting Tigerclaw or hating him), But even from there it could have the timeskip to the prequel sunningrocks battle, Ravenpaw actually acts like Ravenpaw, I’d prefer to show off more of the younger apprentices then bec thats cute and iconic, and Redtail as a “death flag” moment where he reminds Tigerclaw that he’ll pay him back and never forget his debt. Redtail DOESNT kill oakheart, and as Tigerclaw kills him the last words Redtail hears from Tigerclaw is “Consider your debt repaid.”

[sammoyke]

!!!BROKEN LEAVES, DUST, SNOW TEXTURES!!!

So basically, I have been trying to fix this problem with leaves, snow, and dust having broken textures in the game. Logically it should be a mod, but the problem is the issue doesn't seem to have a "start at start up" problem. When I remove all mods the leaf texture returns to normal but when I try to add mods back to do a 50/50 removal, the leaf or snow texture refuses to be broken until "later" in the game. Because of this I can't actually ascertain if this is mod issue or base game texture problem. I just need anybody with this issue that has fixed it or encountered it that can lead me into the right direction. If anyone at all has experienced this that doesn't use mods, it could go a long way to recovering my sanity. There have only been two threads I found on reddit with a similar issue, neither was resolved. I would love to enjoy seasons again but until I fix this, I honestly have considered just playing with it off but it would really hurt my feelings to play the game without the functionality of basically one expansion and 1 stuff pack. To explain the visual problem leaf piles appear as rainbow splotches on the ground, the dust covers the ENTIRE floor with the rainbow texture and the falling snow flurries are white/black squares with ? on them . In the past I've achieved grand success from the 50/50 method I know how to do it but sometimes issues that don't appear when the game loads causes the 50/50 method to become less sufficient. It means having to test play a save for random amount of minutes or even hours, and its relatively frustrating to try to "play a half loaded save" . The results have been fruitless, I've spent about 12 hours trying to play test a little at a time for each save but I can't "trigger" the texture problem , it just happens to happen when I travel on lots randomly. I really need any help from those that suffered this nature texture glitch , any culprits from your saves that might also be a culprit in mine.

I have repaired the game files as well. pls. halp me. T_T lol.

[hismercytomyjustice]

Oh, no. I haven’t been obsessively working on my WIP and now I’m gradually becoming terrified of ever looking at it again.

😤 I have got to finish this fucking thing. I refuse to tap out at almost 60k all because the brain worms are trying to convince me the scene I’m on right now is terrible.

It isn’t. I know it isn’t. But it’s not the direction I was planning on taking things. And the brain worms know that. And are trying to exploit my weakness. They are lying liars who lie.

I just need to remember no time spent on something creative that you enjoy is wasted and that regardless of how good it is to other people, I still feel like it’s one of my better works.

Also, god willing, this thing is only like 15k from finally being done.

I want to weep tears of joy at the thought. But then I remember I still have to edit it. orz And make a final decision on whether or not I want my friend to do a pass through it.

I am SORELY tempted to do like I did with my Cardcaptors fic and edit each chapter one at a time and post them as I go, but I jumped around so much writing this thing I’m VERY concerned that might not work as well this time.

I feel like I should at least read it once through if nothing else. Just to see if anything major jumps out as a continuity issue or something.

But I don’t wanna. T_T I just wanna push it out of the nest and let it figure out how to fly on its own.

Ugh.

There’s also the existential fear of “oh no this has consumed nearly three months of your life, what will you do if you don’t have it to hyperfixate on?”

But good news, I still have my POTO fic I wanna do too. That I’m like 5k in already. That has also wildly reignited my interest in music.

A new hyperfixation is on the horizon…

There are hyperfixations everywhere for those with eyes to see…

[floating--about]

Their lack of communication really worries me! I feel like it might blow up in their face again. With Reo still kinda thinking Nagi is good the way he is/wanting to spoil Nagi, and Nagi still lacking a strong ego that doesn't depend on others, I wonder how Nagi's ego is meant to manifest, and if another burst of independence on Nagi's end will disrupt their friendship again if Nagi doesn't make it clear that the independence is not because he wants to discard Reo... I mean also I wonder how their dream of playing together could be compatible with the ego based ideals being pushed/rewarded in the story? Since so far its been implied to be "bad" to play for someone else's sake, and Nagi has kinda being playing for him and Reo's dream, and not like him alone. (Reo is playing to make Nagi #1, but since this is no longer an ego meant to make him the #1 striker I don't think that's as much of an issue). Is this dream really enough to sustain becoming the #1 striker? Considering the logic of the story I'm leaning no.. Though I also feel that Nagi might lose a bit of uniqueness of character if this dream becomes abandoned altogether for that thrill of being the best by himself. Or not, and I just don't want their relationship to suffer T_T , idk. Hopefully they figure something out.

ReoNagi and their Lack of Communication

blue lock has me in a chokehold, so have this brainrot as an offering (manga spoilers ahead)

My take on the ReoNagi trainwreck:

For starters, I'll just say that (in my opinion,) Reo took Nagi for granted. Which came back to bite him in the ass. He simply assumed that they would stick together throughout Blue Lock, and didn't think that Nagi would change and start to think for himself.

But so did Nagi, if you look at this panel:

Nagi seems to believe that what he did was right, and he took for granted that Reo understood his actions too.

I believe that at the root of their problem is their lack of communication:

(heck, it took them months before Nagi finally voiced out his train of thoughts behind his actions, though it didn't help that Reo was still reeling from the 5 stages of grief (and pettiness) to approach Nagi)

This probably steams from Nagi simply assuming that Reo understands his train of thought, his actions, why he made those choices, likely because of how well they sync on the field:

But off the field? Reo is simply his babysitter, at best he's making guesses as to what Nagi wants, not reading his mind.

How do you expect him to understand you when you don't say anything, Nagi??

I'm not saying that Nagi's decisions were wrong, though. At it's core, Blue Lock is a place made for them to find their inner "egoists" and grow from there. Nagi simply understood that philosophy first. I'm just saying that he could have got his ideas across to Reo better.

Because while Nagi understood Blue Lock's philosophy, I think he completely missed the fact that he nearly lost his closest friend.

During the Manshine vs Muchen match, Reo had already resolved to move on alone, when Nagi approached him to ask for his help.

Which seems to me like Nagi was completely oblivious to the inner struggle that Reo was going through (and still is oblivious).

Hence my point that just perhaps, if they had talked to each other before abruptly moving on (Nagi) and cutting the other off (Reo), it would have saved their friendship. As it is right now, their friendship seems pretty shaky (on Reo's side).

(although i concur that their "break up" was a huge factor in Reo's growth as a football player, but was the mental stress over Nagi worth it?)

[just-some-random-blogger]

I never stop day dreaming, and I fundamentally live in my head, my imagination has never melded into my reality. I know what is real and not.

Are you me? Yes yes yes, yes to every word you said. Yes to day dreaming. One should never blur the reality they are living in, I agree. But I think most of us are just exhausted living beings trying to navigate through shitty lives, and we should allow ourselves to seek comfort in that little safe space in our head to heal after mentally exhausting ourselves during the day.

I think, when you love a fictional character, they are with you. Their life only ever exists through those who know of them. Again, it should never be scary though. ):

This almost made me cry. I love every single one of my fictional characters. Living in this shitty world sucks, I need my fictional character stay by my side. Everyone could use some healthy amount of escapism, and I personally don’t like some else tell me what I should do, they don’t know me, maybe they should restrain themselves from casually giving me advice. However I understand what that anon meant, if they feel like it’s become a serious issue for them, they should seek help and cut back their time spending on the site. Moderation is key.

HI NONNIE. HAHAHAHAH the hive mind is real HAHAHAH. you are me, i am you, we are one.

i was excited to see a response to that post cos i thought you were the anon i replied to. alas it appears you are not. but that's fine. that's great! we're now having a dialogue on the interwebs, just as the greeks intended 😌

Very truly i say we really are just exhausted zombies tryna navigate this unfortunately post-apocalyptic reality. I wanted to quote this Argentine writer that I learned about in high school. I think his name was Jorge Luis Borges, but askfg;aksgf I can't say for sure cause I don't remember him nor the essay. I do remember a striking part of the essay though that uses hemoglobin as an analogy... or was it cancer T_T I EVEN PULLED UP MY OLD LIT BOOK FOR THIS BUT I THINK MY LIT TEACHER DISCUSSED THAT AS ADDITIONAL MATERIAL AND AALSFHASFLAHSF. the point is, that essay talks about how fiction is important because it's like the life behind the eyes of a dead city ya know....

ok tbh i dont remember that shit enough to quote it BUT IN A VIDEO IN ANOTHER LIT CLASS I HAD MORE RECENTLY IN COLLEGE, it was talked about how fiction is important because we can navigate a lot of different and complex things within the safety of the pages it is bound upon. i couldn't find the video T_T and i know this isn't explicitly said or how its explained, but its like we can witness a cold blooded murder and perhaps feel for the perpetrator more than the victim, due to the circumstances presented and the perspective we're shown. it's not to say in any way shape or form that murder is OK, but again, that realm was explored in a way that didn't actually harm anyone.

i hope i'm making sense and this isn't just extremely macabre.

I used to not understand the fun of reading when i was a kid, i used to think my classmates that liked reading were faking it (cos i was). reading = studying and school SUCKS/IS BORING/ETC but then i discovered ✨fiction✨ and more importantly ✨fan fiction✨ and now i will die on the hill that is: everyone in the whole entire world loves to read it's just a matter of finding content they like.

anyway the part where you said you don't like being told what to do HAHAHAHH you like me FR FR HAHAH. the inner childish gremlin in me reacted first to that message with 'LOL' 'ITS NOT THAT DEEP' 'DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO' 'WATCH ME DO IT ANYWAY' but i thank God everyday that my childish gremlin mind is not the pilot of my brain cos that would be so embarrassing. imagine being an internet troll 💀💀💀. for such a long time, i wanted to be one of those really sharp tongued, quick witted people on the internet that would give dry responses cos it's cool. i cannot for the life of me find it in me to contribute to that though because in my heart of hearts, i don't believe people are mean and i especially dont think anyone will come out of their way to my inbox just to be mean to me. i am glad to say it's not happened, nor will it ever 😌😌. huzzah, cynicism has not made me a stale cinnamon roll yet.

moderation is definitely important, but if you don't know how to gauge yourself and you are in genuine need of help, that won't do much, i think. yes reading is therapeutic but it is not replacement for the guidance of someone who has spent years studying how to help people in that manner. sometimes all it takes is just guidance of someone out there who cares. <3

needless to say i am surprised someone who wasn't that nonnie read my answer, which further just proves my point that someone cares. <3

....omg nonnie i think you love me 😍😍😍😍😍😍

cheers to going against the grain, lovie

xxx