#its beautiful and heartbreaking and it makes me feel things!!!

[bteezxyewriter12]

Watch the Movie

Pairing- Yoongi x Named Reader

Word count- 3.6k

Includes- Fingering, cock warming, clit rubbing, cock riding, squirting, semi public sex, fluff

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxminnie @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa

@borntowalkaway @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi @seokwoosmole @meowmeowminnie @realisticnotes @effielumiere @svnbangtansworld @insomniacatiny @marvelfamily3000 @amyz78 @blueie-things

Masterlists- check out for more fics

📝Masterlists 📝BTS Masterlist 📝Yoongi Masterlist

J POV

I try to settling in Yoongi's lap but I'm too aware of his body and mine

I keep moving, can't get comfortable and I hear him sighing behind me

"Are you guys ready?", Jungkook asks, turning around

"Yeah", Yoongi says

Jungkook nods and turns on the movie

"Stop moving and watch the movie", Yoongi says and I know he's rolling his eyes

I wouldn't be in this predicament if I just stayed in my chosen seat on the corner of the couch, next to Tae

But no, I had be dying of thirst and I had to get up and grab a water bottle

I came back and Jimin was in my seat, talking to Tae

Annoyed, I went to sit on the floor, the only available seat, when my best friend told me to come sit with him on the recliner

I thought he'd move over and we'd squeeze in together

Color me surprised when he pulled me on his lap, putting the blanket he had before over both of us

If this was two years ago, I wouldn't care

But over the last two years my feelings for my best friend changed

Of course I always knew he's completely hot and gorgeous

I knew since we were teenagers

But he was still my dorky best friend

Until last year when I noticed him more

When I noticed his smile made my heart beat faster, his laugh sounded like music and I hoped he would look at me so I can see his beautiful brown eyes

When all I want is to be around him, wonder what it'd be like to be in his arms

What his kiss would be like

I stupidly fell in love with him and I had no idea it was happening

Until it was too late

Because I know his stance on girlfriends

Doesn't want one, doesn't need one

He's had a few heartbreaks before and now all he does is have one night stands when he's feeling horny

He has his music to keep him busy, he's dropping D3 in the next few months

And he has his military service to complete

I know he's doing civil service so he'll be able to be home every night but he'll still be busy

So sitting on him is a problem for me but he was doing it to be nice, so I'm staying where I am

I just wish I could relax

I already don't know what the movie is about and it just started, that's how in my head I am about this

His arm moves around me, stopping my movements

"Will you relax?", he says in my ear, "Stop the wiggling"

"I'll try", I answer lowly

"Just chill out", he says, pulling me back against him, both his arms now wrapped around my waist

I try to stay as still as possible for the next ten minutes and its hard

I can feel Yoongi's breath near my shoulder, I can feel his solid chest rising against my back as he breathes, his heart beating

I shiver, moving around again

It doesn't help that he looks incredibly hot in a white T-shirt, soft black pj pants and his long black hair in a ponytail

God, when he started wearing his hair like this I swear he was doing it to get to me

"Relax", he repeats softly, "Watch the movie"

His hand slowly moves, going under my PJ dress, making me hold my breath

His fingers soothingly move up and down the right side of my body, his touch setting my skin ablaze

The comforting touch melts me against him and I feel my tense body loosen up

I lean my head back against his shoulder, my forehead against his jaw

His other hand moves under my dress too and he just places it on my stomach, holding me

And I fucking love it so much

I still don't know what the movie is about but it's for a different reason now

Now I'm too focused on how good his touch is to pay attention

As the movie goes on, his fingers move from my side to my lower stomach, tracing back and forth

I wiggle a little on his lap and to my complete astonishment, I feel something hard under me

Moving slightly, I realize it's his dick

He's hard

And he feels huge

Goddamn

'Relax', I think, 'Don't cause a scene. Just pretend you don't notice anything'

I can't call attention to it

I don't want to embarrass myself or him

My pussy however, gets wet from feeling his hard length under me

His fingers move lower, stopping at the waistband of my panties, playing with it

I'm so turned on and I don't think as I put my hand over his and move his fingers under the waistband

His fingers immediately slide down, running up my pussy, a soft groaning sound coming from him

"So wet", he murmurs, his fingers pressing into my clit and rubbing slow circles

Pleasure assaults my body, my hand grabbing onto his free one, squeezing tightly

"Fuck", I moan lighty

"Shh baby", he whispers in my ear, his fingers moving faster

I can't, it feels so good

His fingers go lower, two sliding into my hole, my cunt immediately clenching on them, feeling fucking incredible

"Shit, shit", he mumbles, "So tight, fuck"

He slides his fingers out to the tips then slowly goes back in, spreading his fingers as he does to stretch me out

It feels so good

His fingers move again, a bit faster, plunging deeply into my cunt

"Spread your pretty legs for me", he tells me, his free hand pulling one of my legs over his and I do the same with my other leg, "Good girl"

Shivers run up my spine hearing him call me his good girl

I want to be his good girl so badly it's embarrassing

As his fingers move, his palm grinds into my clit, upping the pleasure significantly

"God, you're so wet. Dripping all over the place", he whispers in my ear, "My fingers feel that good?"

"So good", I agree, closing my eyes against the bliss

His fingers move around as he pumps them into me, pressing hard in different spots

The third time he does it, my body stiffens and shivers as he presses my spot

"There it is", he says, sounding smug, his fingers buried in that spot, pressing down hard again and again, "Feels good there?"

"Yes, fuck yes", I whimper

He resumes fucking his fingers into me, making sure he presses against my spot each time, his palm running against my clit

I feel my pussy creaming around his fingers, making a mess in my panties

His other hand, slides up my body under my dress, wrapping around my boob

He squeezes through my bra, his breathing increasing rapidly

I want to moan loudly but I'm forcing my mouth closed

Each pass of his palm, each thrust of his fingers brings me closer and closer, my thighs shaking uncontrollably

I'm sweating, completely hot in this stupid dress and I wish I could just take it off

"Gonna cum for me?", he asks and I'm done

His fingers go in again and I put my hand over my mouth as I cum all over them, pleasure wracking my body

Oh god, fuck

His fingers fuck me through it, my legs shaking around his, my fingers of my free hand digging into the blanket

"Fuck, good girl", he murmurs as I clench down involuntarily on his fingers, "Good girl"

When I finish, he pulls his finger out, letting me relax against him

I'm just about to as him if I could give him a hand job when he murmurs in my ear, "Wanna sit on my dick?"

I'm flabbergasted he's asking me this but I absolutely want to be on his cock

Only problem is we're kinda in public

"The guys are here..."

"They're not paying attention", he says, "The TV is blasting. And we have the blanket to cover everything"

He's right

And they really are playing the movie so damn loud, they won't hear a stray moan

"Do you wanna?", he asks again, "Wanna sit and cream my cock like you creamed my fingers?"

"Yes", I groan

"Good baby"

Both of his hands disappear under my dress and I let him pull down my panties, him stuffing them into the armchair's cushions

Then he lifts his hips up, his pants and boxers slide down enough for his cock to spring out, the warm skin of his length against my wet pussy feeling incredible

His hand guides me to lift up a bit, his other moving his cock right under my hole, whispering, "Sit right here jagi"

"AAA...are you sure?"

I want to make sure he wants this

I don't want pity sex

"Fuck yes. Want my best friend's pussy around my cock. Wanna feel how tight you are", he mumbles

Again, I'm shocked at his words and I'm wondering if he knows what he's saying

And if he's only saying it because he's horny?

"Please jagi", he begs

I push down on his cock, taking his head in and already I can tell he's fucking thick

"Yes fuck jagi", he moans softly in my shoulder, "More"

His hands move to my hips, pushing me down helping me take him in an inch at a time

His cock stretches me so deliciously, filling every inch of my pussy, with no room to spare

My cunt desperately clenches around him, sucking him inside

I feel so full of him and there's still more of him to take

I'm determined to get him all in

It seems like I'm sliding down his cock forever, he's that long

He gives me one last push, murmuring a fuck, his hips lifting, making sure he's completely buried inside me

I'm so full, feeling like I'm about to burst

But fuck, I haven't felt this satisfied with a dick inside me before

Of course Yoongi fits inside me perfectly

Of course he feels so fucking good, his cock throbbing rapidly

Of course because it's Yoongi

"Yoongi", I whimper, grinding down on him, my hips moving in circles on their own

"Yeah baby", he murmurs, "You feel so fucking good. So tight around me. Pulsing so fucking good. Goddamn, best pussy I've ever been inside of"

"Mm hmm", I answer, "Your cock is the best I've ever been on"

"Fuck jagi", he answers, his fingers slide back to my clit, pressing hard as he rubs me

My pussy immediately throbs tightly around him, pleasure spilling into my entire body

My hips move faster, grinding my spot on his head, bolts of intense bliss hitting me each move

Leaning back on him, I turn my face into his neck, my arm moving back and around the other side of his neck, my fingers sliding in his hair and holding on tightly

"Yoongi", I whimper, his fingers flying across my clit, the pleasure mounting, my pussy watering around his cock

"Yes jagi, get wetter for me. Cream my cock"

"Yeah Yoongi"

I can't stop my hips from rocking back and forth on his cock, rubbing his head against my spot, my cunt gripping his dick the tightest I ever have

I crave him inside me, crave to feel him, never wanting him to leave

His free hand clutches my thigh, his hair wet with sweat and I can feel his body shake

"Fuck yes", he murmurs, "Choke my cock with this cunt. Tighter baby"

I clench around him purposely, loving the moan he does in my ear

"How do you feel so perfect?", he murmurs, his hand moving from my thigh, sliding up my body, his fingers leaving fire in their wake

"The....the same way you feel perfect Yoongi"

He groans softly, his hand getting to my boob, pulling my bra down, popping my boob out

His hand immediately wraps around it, squeezing softly, his fingers playing with my nipple

I whimper, squirting around his cock a little as the pleasure increases

"Mmm you're a squirter jagi?"

I nod rapidly, "Ssss...sometimes"

"Fuck, I like that"

I like it too, the orgasms from that are fucking amazing

I'm in so much pleasure between his fingers on my clit, his other fingers on my nipple, the way his head is against my spot and the way his fat cock is throbbing inside me

"Mm baby, close huh?", he murmurs, "Throbbing so tightly"

I nod, my eyes closing, leaning my head back against his shoulder

His fingers rub just the right way and sets off an intense orgasm

I bite my lip hard to keep from screaming as bliss washes over me, my entire body shaking

Oh god, it feels incredible

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit", he mumbles, squeezing the life from my boob

His fingers rub me through the orgasm, slowing down as I finish

"That felt so fucking good", he whispers, "Holy shit"

"You liked the way it felt?", I ask him, surprised

"Definitely", he breathes, "Wanna feel it again"

I feel my whole face get red but I'm glad it feels good for him

And I definitely could cum again

Moving my legs up, I plant my feet on the edge of the seat and fully lean back on him

Moving my arms behind me, I grip his shirt as I slide halfway up his cock

"Oh fuck", he groans

Then I slide back down, taking him all the way in

"Yes baby", he murmurs in my ear, his hands on my waist, fingers digging into my skin

I move on him, small bounces so that we don't draw attention to ourselves

Based on his moans behind me, the bounces are doing their job

I move faster, getting lost in the drag of his cock going in and out of my pussy, sending bliss up my spine

"Mmm you like being on your best friend's cock?", he asks, his breathing getting heavier

"Yes, fuck, yes", I whimper, continuing to bounce on him

"Like riding me?", he murmurs

"So much", I whisper, "Perfect cock for riding"

His dick is so easy to bounce on, so hard, standing straight up for me, so fat filling me perfectly

I know riding him fully, where I can get all the way up his cock is going to be heaven

"Is that so?", he asks, a smile in his voice

I nod, "Wanted to ride your cock for so long"

Holy shit, did I just really say that?

"You can ride my cock anything jagi", he murmurs, his hands helping me move up and down, "Anytime you want, you can sit on my cock and play"

Oh my fucking god, yes please

"Promise?", I ask, my head in the clouds

"Yes jagi, I promise"

I nod, taking him back in, ecstacy hitting me as I cum around him

"Yoongi", I whimper in his ear, stars blinding me, "Yoongi, oh god yes, Yoongi"

My pussy squeezes his cock in a vice grip, drenching him in cream

"I have to get out", he gasps quietly, his fingers digging in the skin of my waist

No fucking way

I shake my head, whispering in his ear, "Cum inside me"

"Wwww....what?", he stammers, pleasure all over his face

I smirk, deciding to use his words, "Cum in your best friend's pussy"

"Oh fuck Joanne", he groans softly, pulling me down on his cock, holding me there as his dick explodes inside me

His warm cum feels so good, filling me right up

God, it's so satisfying

My pussy works hard on his cock, milking him for all his cum, some of it leaking around us

"Yes Yoongi", I whine quietly, "Fill my pussy Yoongi. Wanna be full of you"

"Take it baby. Oh fuck"

We ride it out together, slumping against each other as we finish

I breath in hard, not believing I just had sex with Yoongi

While the guys are here

And not one of those num nuts noticed anything

Yoongi's arms move around me, hugging me tightly

I look over at him to find his eyes already on me

He maneuvers me so my head is laying in the crook of his arm and I'm sitting bridal style on him

He looks down at me with those gorgeous brown eyes, his hand sliding up my arm, moving around my neck, his fingers sinking into the back of my hair

The next thing I know, his mouth is against mine and my mind blanks

The only thing I feel is his amazing kiss

I kiss him back eagerly, his tongue against mine, one of my hands gripping his T-shirt hard, my other arm wrapping around his back

I fall into his kiss, basking in every second his lips, his tongue are against mine

Basking in the way my head spins, the way fire explodes in my body

I don't know if this will ever happen again

I want to make the most of it

"What the fuck is happening back there?", I hear Tae exclaim

"What- holy shit", Jimin gasps

I expect Yoongi to pull away now that they finally caught us

To my surprise, he doesn't stop, his kiss getting more passionate

There's no way I'm stopping either

I swear I could kiss him forever

"Oh he finally made his move", Hobi says, nonchalantly

Wait what?

Which is exactly what Tae asks

"You haven't heard him talk about her constantly? You haven't seen the way he's become nervous around her? He's clearly into her", Hobi answers

"I haven't noticed shit", Jungkook says

Which same

But I guess I was worried about me being obvious to him that I didn't notice the way he is around me

"Well you're blind then. Or just self involved because he's shit about hiding it", Hobi replies, "It's actually funny to watch him try to hide his feelings when he's around her. He's such a dork"

I smile into his kiss, my hand moving from his shirt, sliding into the back of his hair, my fingers tangling in his soft black strands as I pull him closer, deepening the kiss

He moans softly in my mouth, the sound sending chills up my spine

"God, are they coming up for air anytime soon?", Jin says sarcastically

"Yeah, doubtful", Jungkook answers

"Why are we watching them?", Namjoon says loudly, "I don't want to see this. The movie is over. I'm out"

"Yeah me too", Hobi says

I hear footsteps moving around us, then a few seconds later, nothing

Another minute later, the kiss breaks, both of us leaning our foreheads against each other, breathing rapidly

His gaze flits to mine, "Mine"

I nod

Of course I'm his

I'll always be, he doesn't have to worry about that

"Yeah naekkeo", I whisper, then say, "Mine"

"Always jagi", he answers right away, his lips against mine

I take in his kiss, holding onto him, never wanting to let him go

When the kiss ends, he lifts his head, looking down at me, his eyes gazing into mine

"I love you"

My heart bursts in pure joy, finally hearing the words I've wanted to hear from him

"I love you", I finally tell him, feeling like a weight has lifted off me, "I love you so much Yoongi"

"So much Jo", he whispers, "Fuck, you have no idea how long I waited for you jagi"

How long?

Is he saying.... he's wanted me for a long time?

"All I ever wanted was you", he tells me, "Hoping you'd notice me, hoping you'd feel the same as I do"

"How... how long?", I ask

"Since BTS started"

"What?", I squeak

He's waited that long?

"Why didn't you say anything?"

He shakes his head, "I couldn't. I had to come here to train and I knew I was going to be really busy the first few years of BTS. It's why idols don't date or why their relationships don't last. I didn't want to put you through that. I didn't want to risk having you love me then falling out of love because I was never there"

"I wouldn't do that naekkeo. You know me Yoongi"

"I know jagi but I also knew we were really young. You didn't need to deal with that at nineteen"

I mean, I didn't and back then I didn't have feelings for him like that

But if he had asked me out, I definitely would of given it a try

"Why didn't you say anything sooner?", I whisper, playing with the strands of hair at the back of his head

"Because Jo, I couldn't....I couldn't risk losing you. And you had a boyfriend for three years. I was dealing with the two girlfriends I had hurting me. I wasn't ready to risk you walking away from me"

"I never will naekkeo", I promise him, "I love you so much Yoongi. I'm going crazy wanting you"

"Me too jagi", he murmurs, "I love you, I'm not letting you go"

"Don't baby. Don't and I swear I won't let you go"

"Yeah", he nods

"Good", I smile

"Do you ...uh... wanna stay over?", he asks shyly

"Absolutely", I tell him, running my fingers through his hair

"Ok", he grins before kissing me

As we kiss, he pulls his boxers and pants up

He breaks the kiss, smirking as he holds up my panties

"You're not gonna need these tonight"

I giggle at how sexy my boyfriend is

"You're right", I answer, "I'm definitely not"

His smirk widens as he stands up, picking me up as well

"Good cuz I'm nowhere near done with you tonight. I gotta have you naked and we gotta get you squirting all over me", he teases, "Oh and I gotta taste this pussy"

"Yes sir", I smile widely, getting turned on

He chuckles as he carries me to his room, getting us on his bed, him on top of me, "I love you"

"I love you Yoongi"

He smiles, then his lips are on mine, kissing me silly

[haojun]

Thinking about the part of matthew bourne's swan lake in the park where The Prince is knelt on the ground and The Swan leans into The Princes back... like.... hm there are things to be said about that moment... things i cannot articulate bc i know next to Nothing about ballet and i cant ever do critical examinations of media i like but that moment is So Important to me. Im being so normal about this actually :-)

[xxplastic-cubexx]

When I watch X-Men First Class and see Cherik. For some reasons that idk why even. Please Please Please of Sabrina Carpenter suddenly their my theme song to them. Random but it is what it is 😭

yk if it was any time after first class i could see it ....... divorce and the cycle of breaking up and getting back together and all ....... the denial etc etc .....

[autism-disco]

music(als) (screaming)

falsettos specifically (screaming louder)

[firefly-fez]

what no one tells you about autism is that befriending a new autistic person is a process of learning their own unique language of love. are they comfortable with eye contact? physical touch? hugs or no hugs? special interest? what textures do they like? should we converse about the special interest or just spend some time with limited conversation just vibing in each other’s company? for neurotypicals there’s like this boring standardized List of Rules that you Have to Follow Or Else! but for my autistic friends out there the rules don’t apply!! they way they connect is each so unique and personal to them that the discovery of getting to know a new person ceases to be this laborious task of following Social Rules until you get comfortable enough to do away with them, but with autistic ppl you get to throw away the stupid rule book right from the get go and embark on a personal adventure of friendship anew, like there’s a secret language you’re uncovering and evey time you successfully connect you feel that magic of blossoming friendship tenfold. shoutout to all my autistic homies out there, you’re not weird, you’re not a burden, there’s nothing wrong with the way that you specifically connect with others and actually i have decided that it is beautiful ✨ ✨

what no one tells you about being autistic is people just don’t like you. maybe you make friends, but they get tired of you fast. even if you’re not actively bullied, your peers just…. don’t pay attention to you. something about you is offputting and weird to mostly everyone, and you literally cannot stop it no matter how hard you try.

[peppermintbutch]

Packing for my move that I sooo don't want to do I want everything to stay the same... but I'm gonna be soo brave 😔

[mandalhoerian]

Repost because tumblr's tags were broken yesterday and it ate my post up 😞 Spoilers and translation notes for Rafayel's intertidal zone & analysis because it kinda floored me, I was just as a blank page as he was throughout this. I had to watch it like 5 times to understand what the story was saying and dig into chinese and japanese versions of this to piece together what was really happening. It may be my idiot brain not getting it and maybe it was like the easiest thing to understand for you but. Yeah. I may be just dumb LMFAO AND!!!! There's also a theory of mine into how Rafayel is actually able to read mc's mind/wishes through their lemurian bond, so stay tuned for that I guess

EDIT: correcting some transcriptions of chinese characters and the translations. sorry about that! google couldn't transcribe it correctly. for clarity's sake i will also include original screenshots. please tell me if anything is wrong!

EDIT 2: Check out part 2 to this as well for stuff I missed!

EDIT 3: An Abysswalker connection I found

EDIT 4: Debunking the myths of non-consent & Rafayel hurting MC in the spicy scene

So Rafayel’s whole deal in this memory, I believe, is dependency. Like, too much intensity, too much need, too much fear -- about scaring her off, about what he sees himself possibly becoming in the future, overall just being too reliant on mc and getting scared by it.

Let's begin with this massive fear of being a taker, not just in the “I’m stealing someone’s fries” way, but in this existential, soul-deep kind of way where he’s terrified of turning everything he loves into something he exploits out of demand for his art. And yeah, it’s sad when you first hear him say it, but it’s also really interesting when you look at how this all ties into his relationship with MC and his inspiration source drying up because of her.

Before Rafayel became an artist, he looked at the world in this super pure, wholesome way. Sceneries and nature were just there, things to admire and feel awe over without needing to do anything about it. Like, imagine standing at the edge of a desert, looking at a sea that’s drying up. Sure, it’s tragic, but it’s also kind of beautiful in a raw, heartbreaking way. That’s how Rafayel saw things, he could appreciate them without feeling like he had to do anything.

But then Rafayel started creating, and suddenly, sceneries weren’t just sceneries anymore. They became inspiration. He wasn’t just admiring beauty, he was extracting something from it, its meaning, its pain, its soul, to turn into art for other people. And that made him feel all kinds of icky, because now he wasn’t just looking at the drying sea. He was taking from it. Just as he's using his people's pain in his art as well, that's also a thing.

Now let’s talk about MC. Rafayel loves her like he used to love those sceneries,,, in this pure, untainted way. There's a parallel here. But here’s the kicker, he’s not the same guy who can just admire something and leave it untouched anymore.

And suddenly, this is no longer only about losing inspiration for him.

This happens after he and MC get together, and it’s like all the pain and anguish that used to fuel his creativity just.. ... dries up. He can’t find that spark anymore because now his life is surrounded by love instead of suffering. In fact, his inspiration starts coming from her and it's starting to clash with how he makes art. In the phone call, he seeks her out and says he needs her so bad and she only needs to talk to help him out. This is the first wink wink nod nod of the story.

So what does Rafayel do? He goes on this big, dramatic trip to "find inspiration" (or at least his muse), but it’s not just about his art. He’s not just looking for inspiration, he’s trying to figure out how to be less dependent on her and becoming increasingly more restless over this. The temparature and physical discomfort is making things worse, he's anxiously overthinking, and imagine trying to fight this and the longest art block as of late off when all you want to do is indulge in this special person and be comforted like a lap cat all day every day.

He understands that if he lets himself indulge without restraint, one day his love for mc will turn into pure need. He’ll become more and more greedy, and he doesn’t want that and is afraid of being abandoned because of that growing neediness and dependency.

This is in relation to his art, because as @/dat-silvers-girl put in the comments, he's struggling with "the genuine fear of not being able to enjoy anything in life because all you're thinking about how to use it (as an artist)" . what if he starts doing this to her? to their love and relationship? take from her, and become someone who only takes in every area of life -- like someone who only exploits things by extracting what he feels about them to use it for his art. he's afraid of that, he doesn't like that and possibly doesn't like himself who does it. so why should she? she would leave him for sure, in his head, that's a solid reason to.

The first time around he brings up his anxiety about MC leaving him out of the inner realization of his dependency, the possibility of just what he can become, and fear of abandonment. she effortlessly soothes his worries. It's heavily implied they did it afterwards and after hearing "her life has already been consumed by him" he tweaked out a little bit and his "obsession" seeped through.

After it fades to black, he says ほら……僕もとっくに……君に侵食されてしまっているんだ…… which means "See... I've already been completely consumed by you too" in Japanese instead of the life being made a chaotic mess localization. While I think MC's line was jokey and lighthearted, I don't think this man is joking at all. Rafayel didn't say his life was consumed by her as well, he said HE was consumed. Ouh.

This took the edge off from him for a while but they hadn't gotten to the root of the problem yet, so he was back to square one after the memorial hall, because remember, he's trying to find inspiration as an act of making this dependency of his better. Pain and suffering are all around him here, which his inspiration feeds off of. The dried up ocean he could hear weakening, the skeleton of the whale, the burden of his people and homeland more prominent than before. And what does MC do? Tear through the perspective of pain and introduce a hopeful alternative, "Isn't it a surprise to see an ocean in the middle of the desert?"

This is a place that gave Rafayel the height of helplessness and suffering when he visited by himself before despite momentarily being hopeful after the locals told him such a place existed. But now, she was there to comfort him through his loneliness and pain, hug him, and give him hope yet again. He brings up how he wanted to come here with the most important person to him when he was still hopeful about it before consumed by the pain of it all, and that wish has been granted. That moment has to be so powerful for Rafayel. Literally light at the end of the tunnel.

It had me reeling that he just sat in the car after all that, staring at her for god knows how long until she woke up. He was probably overthinking again, but my interpretation that it was heavily emotional for him (it could have meant so little for MC but the world for him, she doesn't even know) and he wanted to be in that moment with her, just feel and look without restraint. Indulge a little. (I can just imagine him going just a little bit more, I'll go after she wakes up.) And like. His eyes are shining in the darkness is the description here. Perhaps he was feeling so much here. So much love. So much happiness. And he's about to go in for a kiss (heavy breathing and everything) after that, but holds himself back and actively has to pry himself away. He's feeling the neediness again.

That’s why he makes an effort to actively wean himself off and says he'll be okay on his own. What he says to her after MC is like "spoiling him" being all "hey you're sick maybe don't go? or let's go together?" (which is NOT helping Rafayel at all) is even more meaningful in Japanese and I didn't know why they left out this context, but the rearranged line would be "Do you want me to become a sea creature beached on the sand after the sea recedes, unable to breathe on my own ever again?"

Yeah. YEAH. This is about dependency. (He's saying don't coddle me I'll literally become that wolf tearing his shirt meme 😭)

So of course his stubbornness and anxiety force him to do things without MC and distance himself, he can do it. He’s determined to prove to himself that he can endure it on his own.

I also feel like part of the reason he insisted on going to the salon alone is that he’s still worried mc might come to dislike the version of him who's someone he's so sure she will leave, who isn't perfect and he hides behind the persona he's put up just for her. If he truly becomes addicted to her and shows her everything/his true self, and she ends up leaving him, it would completely break him. He's trying to be like "im so normal about her haha" but he's so not normal about her at all. He's literally obsessed I feel like, and perhaps this is him fighting it knowing it's not healthy.

and OOOH about why he ends up coming back from the salon all hot and bothered.

I have strong context that she flicked the bean in there after he left her high and dry in the car ("hot water washes away the stickiness from my body and his stifled breaths still echo in my ears, enveloping me along with the steam in the bathroom. The warmth from his fingertips lingers in the places where he touched me..." is the english. however, in chinese, it goes "熱水洗去身上的黏膩，壓抑的喘息迴盪在我耳畔，和浴室裡氤氳的水氣一起包裹著我." stating "the suppressed breathing" -- which doesn't have any possessive adjectives when I translated it on google and later explicitly asked chatgpt if it had any his/my adjectives involved, just to be sure. it said no but i'd like it if a real chinese speaking person could give their input on this !!! PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME WITH CHATGPT

so um. if the context is in fact the case that he heard her masturbating to him, the intensity with which he attacked her would be normal, I think 😭

I have belief that MC unconsciously shatters his "training himself to be without her" determination through their bond. She just keeps thinking about him the entire time. about him reading her thoughts, though. we still don't know all about the lemurian bond they share. I’d say it grants him some sort of mind/heart reading ability or connects their minds together (when she was thinking about whether she should hug him, he answered “yes”).

At the salon, I imagine Rafayel was already thinking about her like crazy. Then he realized, or perhaps, "heard" she was still worrying about him and thinking of him (as much he thought about her) and decided to go back. Rafayel probably felt that suppressing himself was only making her more anxious and unsettled. She's thinking all about him, unconsciously calling to him to come to her, she didn't want to let him go at all, wanted to go with him, etc...

but even if it was his own decision and no mind reading was involved... uh. If you ask me. He did quite literally hear her after coming back. That's also something that might make him think she wants him as much as he wants her, which made his self-restraint utterly meaningless from the start.

Disregarding this theory of mine proven wrong until a Chinese speaker helps me out here, MC returned to Rafayel's room. A translation omission happened here from what I saw. There are no possessive adjectives in the Chinese text about the room she returns to, and the Japanese one states she returned to the guest room (doesn't specify which one. She was also able to enter Rafayel's room without needing to knock before.)

so uh. she went into rafayel's room y'all. the line "this is my room, you're the one who walked in here" MAKES SO MUCH MORE SENSE. (SO LIKE. NOT ONLY DID SHE GO INTO HIS ROOM, SHE FLICKED THE BEAN THERE AND HE POSSIBLY HEARD IT. SHE'S MORE OF A FREAK THAN HE IS, I UNDERSTAND WHY HE LET GO AFTER THAT LMFAO)

I don't put it past him to get worked up after he finds her in his room post-bath even without my theory lmfao (idk why they put her in a dress when she should be in a bathrobe or something 😭)

His conclusion at the end of this memory that "he finds inspiration in pain and the art of creation is a part of his life. mc made him realize love and art are so alike. even if they don't complete him but burn him instead he wants them (love and art) with every fiber of his being" and MC says she doesn't like that, rightfully so.

So like. There's SO MUCH to unpack in here.

When Rafayel says he finds inspiration in pain and that creation is a part of his life, he’s admitting something raw and essential about himself: pain isn’t just a byproduct of his art, it’s intrinsic to it. For Rafayel, pain and art are intertwined in a way that’s almost inseparable. It’s like his muse isn’t just beauty, but beauty that hurts.

But then he takes this further by connecting art to love. He’s realized that both art and love demand the same from him: vulnerability, passion, and sometimes suffering. They don’t necessarily complete him (he’s not romanticizing them as salvation), but they burn him, wear him down, consume him (coincidentally, this is something he said to MC in the JP dub of this memory, that she consumes him), but also give him life. And for Rafayel, that’s the crux, even if they burn him, he wants them with every fiber of his being.

This is such a Rafayel thing to say. It’s dramatic, it’s tortured, but it’s also deeply SUBTLE. He doesn't spell all of these out, mind you, I got a headache trying to understand him. Or I'm just slow, I don't know. It shows how much he values creation and connection, even if they come at a cost.

MC, on the other hand, challenges this perspective. When she says she doesn’t like that he views love and art as things that burn him, she’s pushing back against the idea that suffering is a necessary part of creation, or love. MC doesn’t want Rafayel to see their relationship as something that requires him to hurt. She’s telling him, “You don’t have to destroy yourself to love me.”

When MC says, “You’ll never have to burn for me,” she’s giving Rafayel an alternative to his destructive mindset. She’s saying that love doesn’t have to hurt, that their relationship can exist without him sacrificing himself on the altar of passion. It’s a refusal to let Rafayel romanticize pain as the price of love.

And I love that Rafayel goes, "Will you help me look for other parts in life outside of pain?" in response. This is NOT about art or inspiration anymore, and the way the dialogue is written is just AUGH. Again I had to rewatch this over and over again for the nuances and subtext.

I love MC's response, she knew exactly what to say. “I’ll always be the one who walks along the shore with you. Of course, diving into the sea bed is fine too. If it can snow in the desert, there will be a day when the ocean returns.”

MC’s response is layered with metaphors, but at its core, it’s about unwavering support and hope::

Walking along the shore: This represents safety and companionship. MC is saying she’ll be with Rafayel in the calm, in the moments where they’re just observing life without diving into its depths. She’ll be his steady presence, his grounding force.

Diving into the sea bed: This is an acknowledgment that life and love sometimes require going deeper and they may go through hardships, into the unknown, the murky, the challenging. MC isn’t afraid of this, she’s willing to go there with him too.

Snow in the desert and the ocean’s return: This is a symbol of hope and transformation beyond being a nod to The Sea of Golden Sand. Snow in the desert seems impossible, just like the idea of Rafayel finding inspiration outside of pain might feel impossible to him. But MC believes in the extraordinary, in change, and in the possibility that beauty and creation can exist outside of suffering.

Her words are a promise: she’s willing to stand by him, to face the unknown together, and to hold onto the belief that a new way of seeing the world is possible.

And Rafayel LOWKEY PROPOSES IN RETURN.

By saying “let’s watch the sea together,” he’s accepting MC’s offer of companionship and hope in the long run. He’s recognizing that life doesn’t have to be about diving into the depths alone, it can be about sharing the experience with someone else, even if it’s just standing on the shore and watching.

“Every sea”: This phrase is key. Rafayel isn’t just committing to one kind of life or one kind of inspiration, he’s opening himself up to all possibilities. Watching every sea means embracing all facets of life, whether they’re calm or turbulent, painful or beautiful. It’s a marriage proposal declaration that he’s ready to explore the world beyond pain, with MC by his side.

So. I love that his inspiration returns after his freak is accepted by MC because he literally feels the acceptance through the bond.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. This memory DRAINED me. They were just supposed to bang what the fuck happened. Why did I have to go treasure hunting to find what was going on in this card. anyway...

[lwyikas]

How you get the girl ft Iwaizumi Hajime

"Tell me"

"Get out of here"

"I'm not leaving until you tell me," he says firmly, his voice shaking. Standing by the lamppost opposite your house, staring at you, the phone to his ear, hair plastered to his forehead from the rain, his clothes soaking wet.

"You're going to get sick, please go," you say worriedly. Well, you're really mad at him, but of course, you care about him like crazy. The last thing you want is for him to get sick.

"don't give a fuck, I'm here until I hear what I want to hear '" his voice comes out scratchy, probably raindrops on his speakers.You hate his stubborn ass, standing there like a ghost.

"I will throw all my cuddly toys at your head, hope you have a helmet."

"please join them"He'll have a stifled laugh, followed by a dry cough. He'll definitely have sick. You don't want to torture him, but you have to keep your cool. He can't get used to making amends like this every time.

"You can stand there until morning, you won't get what you want"You're determined, but your heart aches. You wonder if you should risk taking a towel to him without your family hear.

"Tell me you love me"

"don't command me"

"It is not command, I'm begging." He sounds like he's about to cry. You're about to cry too. You need to yell at him through the window and get your anger out. Maybe this bullshit will stop, but you don't want to wake up the whole neighborhood.

"You haven't lost your feelings for me, have you? "The drop in his voice is heartbreaking. You want to slap yourself.

"Don't be silly, I'm just angry and hurt, now get lost, "you quickly point out. You don't want him to think like that, you're just as stubborn as he is.

"I broke your heart and I'm not going to any hell until I make it up."His voice gets louder. Of course, he'll give up, you say to yourself.

"How long are you going to wait there? "he can sense the anger in your voice now. Of course, you don't want him to go, and you're enjoying this secretly, but this idiot is going to get hypothermia.

"I can wait forever, just say magic word" it's all guilt psychology, you look at the clock on the desk. 01.14. Fuck it. "Then wait," you huff and end call, close the curtains and lay down on your bed. You're not cold-hearted, but last argument was close to the end of the line.

You try to sleep with your eyes closed.

Just sleep,but it's cold.

Just sleep, just sleep, he'll get bored and go ,but he loves you so much and you know it.

You check time again. 20 minutes have passed. You can't help being curious and open the curtain and have a look. No way.

You call him and he answers immediately. "are you insane!?" "Yes, I've lost my mind" He grins as he sits down on pavement. Your anger and stubbornness are replaced by a smile. Yeah, you wish at least he'd brought an umbrella or something.

"Do your parents know you're here?"

"No but its okay, when it comes to you, they tolerate me" he has a grin on his face, he knows he's about to win, or has already won. Instead of answering, you just smile. "I'm so sorry for being a thoughtless and tactless jerk, I'm so sorry for breaking your heart and hurting you, I hate myself"

"Hajime…" it's like a rollercoaster and you never knew you could feel so many things, so many emotions at the same time.

"Don't even try, I said I won't go unt-"

"I love you so much," he pauses and smiles. But it's not a selfish and smug 'I won, I got what I wanted' smile, it's an 'I love you so much too' smile.

and that's how it works

"Thank you beautiful, sleep well", he waves goodbye to leave, but you object, 'No, wait, I'm coming to give towel and clothes, you look awful'.

"No, don' t come it's cold, I'm fine" and he coughs a few more times. Of course, you won't listen to him and he knows you won't.As you slowly descend the stairs and silently open the door, you will see him. Oh, that idiot, he immediately gives you a big hug. He may be freezing, but his touch is enough to warm you. You lay your head on his chest. You ask while he caresses your hair:

"Why are you so persistent?"

"You're worth this."

That's how he gets the girl.

[hwnglx]

pick a pile - what makes you attractive?

welcome back lovely reader! let's take a peak into what makes you so attractive. breathe slowly, take your time and use your intuition to go with the pile that speaks to you the most. remember to take what resonates, and leave what doesn't. 𓆩♡𓆪

˖ ࣪ ⊹ ꒰ঌ pile 1 ໒꒱ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

you're attractive, in the way you're interested in creating these meaningful and emotional connections to people.

you aren't the type of person who feels the need to place yourself above anyone, in order to feel good about yourself. your desire for balance and harmony in your relationships makes you highly attractive.

the way you're able to put yourself in other people's shoes, and approach them with empathy, is wonderful. you give them this precious feeling of being understood.

you're a person who has very comforting energy, and a soothing effect on others. someone who brings the calm after the chaos, and hope into situations that seem lost.

spirit keeps showing me this image of a bandaid.

your attractiveness lies in your gentleness. in your ability to mend and heal.

the fact that you've been through so much, but this inner spark of hope inside you still remained bright and dazzling in the end, makes you very special.

it's likely that a lot of you aren't fully aware of this, but your existence is dazzling, and extraordinary in many people's eyes.

you stand out. you're unique.

there's something about your presence that shines differently, compared to the people around you. it's almost like a butterfly that can't see the beauty of its own wings.

i believe a good amount of you, have gone through your own losses and heartbreaks in the past.

it's likely you went through different cycles, and various impactful stages in your life where you were forced to adapt and adjust. unexpected situations which caught you off guard and resulted in you needing to pick up the pieces by yourself.

but the way you've been able to bounce back, and still find this inner courage to keep going, despite the hurt, is impressive.

i believe you've come to a point where you've been able to move away from that state of sorrow, and turned it into something that fuels your power.

your ability to bravely deal with the things that life unexpectedly throws you head on, makes you very attractive.

you still have a more sensitive heart, and your core will always be a little soft and sweet deep down; but your character has gained a lot of strength throughout the years.

this is something you radiate to the outside now. your inner power makes you incredibly attractive.

you look at the things you've been through till now, as experiences which have shaped you immensely, and turned you into the person you are today.

a lot of you are also likely to be outspoken, and pretty straightforward. you like getting to the true core of topics, and aren't afraid to voice things others might shy away from.

your attractiveness lies in your ability to balance these two coinciding sides in you; one that is full of empathy, warmth and a kind heart, and one that is self-sufficient, ambitious and courageous.

˖ ࣪ ⊹ ꒰ঌ pile 2 ໒꒱ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

you're attractive, in the way you relentlessly work towards fulfilling your own dreams and goals.

you're willing to put in consistent effort, in order to build yourself the dream life you desire so badly.

i just don't see you liking to rely on anyone else to do the work for you. you're very self-sufficient, and recognize that in order to get to a place of satisfaction and contentment within yourself, you have to be the one to make the effort. there's nothing like enjoying the fruits of your own labor.

a lot of you are very sure of what you want for yourself. some of you might actively manifest, by imagining and picturing how you want your life to be.

creating moodboards on pinterest or something. creating folders of style inspiration, or interior design inspirations. this is how i want to be dressed, this is the place i want to live in.

you're not gonna be someone who throws the towel and gives in, just because someone else might label your dreams as impossible, or unrealistic.

it's almost like you'll tell them “well, i'll show you then”

you have high aspirations, standards and expectations towards yourself, as well as others, which makes you even more attractive.

you just do not settle for anything less than what you want.

people can't get to you too easily. you're guarded and careful about who you let in closely.

many people are likely to look at you as a person they can't quite decipher or fully figure out at first; someone whose facade they'd like to look beyond.

the fact that you aren't an open book who's constantly accessible and available twenty four seven, makes you highly attractive to others. you cautiously keep them at an arm's length, and people might have to work for your attention.

there might even be some people envious of you.

envious of the fact that you're so self-reliant, independent, and in no need of anyone's help or guidance in life.

and although you give off a more detached and colder vibe to some people on the outside, people who actually know the true you, are aware of how sweet and empathetic you can in fact be. you just have a genuine heart deep down.

you're likely to be someone with a lot of depth and layers, and the closer people get to knowing you in your entirety, the more they get to see of your more complex, introspective and sensitive sides.

you might be much more emotional, romantic and dreamy than what meets the eye at first; and this is likely to draw a lot of people to you.

like “wow, i didn't know you had this side to you”

there's this type of reversal charm, where you might pleasantly surprise some people with how soft you can actually be at times, compared to the first impression they had of you.

some of you might literally have an rbf, but a beautiful smile that brightens and lights up your face in a whole new way.

you also give me very very creative energy. i feel like you love to express yourself beautifully, in many artistic ways. and you see art as a way to live out your most authentic self.

˖ ࣪ ⊹ ꒰ঌ pile 3 ໒꒱ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

you're attractive, in the way you lead with your heart.

it's likely that you're a person who nurtures a strong connection to their vast and rich emotional world. you're someone who genuinely cares.

like.. i don't think you even know how to just not care about things, and go through life in a nonchalant “meh” way. most of the time, you're very chalant. (ㅜ same!)

this makes you much more attractive than you might realize.

you can easily get emotionally invested in plenty of your endeavors; whether that's your relationships, the choices you have to make, the different situations life throws in your way.

you feel everything in a deep and profound manner, and this makes you unique.

reason why i believe you might not be fully aware of this, is because you seem to have the tendency to see yourself as more lacking than you actually are.

you're likely to be a person who's very humble at their core. an eternal student of life.

someone who tries their best to grow continuously and better themselves through every situation they get confronted with; especially the disappointments, regrets, losses.

you're eager to pull the lesson out of every experience in life, and sincerely want to learn from your mistakes.

despite criticism hurting you sometimes, you're still trying your best to improve yourself through it all.

this hard-working, grounded, down to earth and modest energy makes you incredibly attractive.

i think you're slowly but surely trying to let go of certain limitations you habitually set yourself till now. you might've felt trapped in your mind and stuck for a good while, but you're progressively coming out of that place.

despite the exhausting struggles you've been through till now, you're still standing strong!

your endurance, resilience and inner strength makes you immensely attractive.

yes you're wounded, yes you don't see yourself as perfect, but you're still ready to fight. you are a true warrior.

even with your naturally modest character, i don't see you as a person who allows people to step all over them anymore. you're starting to learn to be more strict and clear with your boundaries.

people might see you as someone who's becoming more guarded and closing yourself off, but to you, it's what's necessary to protect yourself.

you're attractive in the way you're becoming more and more aware of your true worth and your value.

you shouldn't let people look at your inner softness as weakness anymore.

on the contrary, it makes you incredibly strong and attractive, if you confidently embrace that side of you. i can see you stepping into your true power, once you learn to acknowledge your qualities more.

it's very likely for the things you yourself see as your downfalls, to be your actual strengths. you might just see yourself in a negative light way too quickly.

for example, your emotionality and sensitivity doesn't have to be a flaw. it can be your asset. it makes you special.

not everyone is capable of emotional connection the way you are. not everyone has the ability to be so genuinely loving, caring and sincerely empathetic the way you are.

don't constantly see yourself for what you aren't, for what you lack, for what you can't do. but see yourself for what you are and what you have, what you can indeed do!

note; i was definitely the most passionate about this pile because i have to admit, i relate so much 🥹 sending you all my support and hugs sweet reader

[awhitegirlspassion]

Do I as a white girl support the "say no to white boys" movement?

As a white girl who have declared herself openly as a snowbunny, I often get the question whether or not I support the "say no to whiteboys movement". To me this is definitely not a simple question to answer as I both support women saying "no to whiteboys" but support women who are happy being with whiteboys.

First of all I definitely 100% acknowledge this movement to be happening where white women reject and deny white boys and date black men. I'm one of these women and I experience more and more girls my age and girls who are younger than me saying no to whiteboys. I think its a beautiful thing that women are finally standing their ground and follwing their hearts and denying whiteboys when they are exclusively attracted to black men.

I have been in a few relationships with whiteboys when I was younger and looking back I really had to compromise with my feelings to be with a whiteboy and even though I was miserable, I did it to "fit in" and because I was afraid of being labeled a slut if I came out as a girl who were attracted to black men. Fortunately this has changed these past years where its now fully acceptable and maybe even a symbol of status (at least among white women) for a white girl to date a black man. I see more and more white women (some of my closest girlfriends included) saying no to whiteboys and being happy about this choice and dating black men exclusively. As this is what makes them (and me) happy I fully support this choice and we finally live in a time where women get to choose without being shamed or wrongly labelled. I know many white men struggle to accept this happening and struggle to accept white women dating black men exclusively and permanently saying "no to whiteboys", but thats really just too bad. White men HAVE to accept and HAVE to cope with more and more of us girls going black and seeing the "say no to whiteboys" movement spreading at an increasingly faster rate, because this is beyond their power and this isn't about them! I understand how it may be heartbreaking and difficult for a whiteboy seeing their crush dating a black man and maybe even starting her family with a black man, but that's just how it is and that's how it used to be for both white women and black men in the past! Today many of us white girls choose black men as our life partners and this is just how things are. So do I support the "say no to whiteboys" movement? YES I do! When women freely choose to date black men exclusively! Do I support it as something every single white women should do and something political or structural? Of course not! But more and more of us choose black men and reject white boys as our partners and that's a good thing! Women should choose the partner they are attracted to!

[nostalgicmiscellaneous]

Knowing Pen lied to him was truly Colin's nightmare come true in many ways, because of his past experience, but it's deeper because he actually truly loves Pen and she wouldn't lie to him because she's Pen, and Pen is special, but the the more you watch, the heartbreak shapes more clearly. Colin's expressions and his questions, the many times he's asked Penelope if she's sure of her feelings, if she regrets getting engaged, if she doesn't return his feelings for now...everytime Colin notices she has something to tell him, that he can feel it, he's expecting her to say she doesn't love him, that he indeed is not enough on his own, not worthy. When she's 'sick' and he wants to be near her..."perhaps she's trying to keep me at distance and is regretting", he's so unsure. Her confession at the church, that follows him once again asking her, telling "if you'll still have me?" and clearly bracing himself for some type of rejection, gives him a bit of peace, he starts to believe and is so giddy. At the Mondrichs ball, he's so happy when she tells him he's worthy. It breaks my heart for what's to come. His world came crashing down, because if she lied about that, if she - even if deep down he knows it's true, and that's why it hurts more, because she sees him negatively, she knows his mask and what's hiding - said those things about him in her Column, then she likely doesn't love him, not really, not in the way he loves her. It's hammering in his head: "Why would she love me?, and then, everything that happens make it worse, because - to him - he doesn't seem to be able to show to her his value, to prove to her he deserves love, because she seems to not need him, he's unable to help her in an effective manner and he feels like a failure as her husband, unsure of himself and mistrustful of her loving him. That's why Pen's words to him at Francesca's wedding makes me so emotional. I am in love with her words, how she tells him her needs and how his love is important to her on its own, and how can he show her that love the best/the best way to show it, what she doesn't need, what he doesn't need to do, that he actually excels at loving her when he simply loves her. It's in his special smiles to her, in their little jokes together, it's in the way he made love to her, in the way he gazes at her, how he makes her feel beautiful, in the way he dances with her, how happy it makes them to be together, how they can be silly together, how he kisses and holds her. It's curious because Penelope doesn't seem to doubt his love is there anymore, their dynamic here has shifted ( until ep5, she was also very insecure) , despite their issues, have you notice that? She just wants him to allow himself to show, she wants him to want to love her, she knows it's there, she wants him to act on his love and show her, in the many ways he's so perfect in showing her, so that she can show him back and make him feel loved too. Her offering the annulment was about protecting him and his family and a way to tell him: You don't have to keep on loving me, to be by my side, if i don't make you happy with my love, if you don't want to, if you are scared, in pain. But of course he wants to. He'll always want to and seeing her being so brave, makes him brave too, brave to let himself believe, to accept and let his heart melt away the protections he built with his hurt, makes him understand, deep inside of him, she loves him, that brilliant woman loves him and her light, as he said, will never hurt him, it was never meant to hurt him, instead it will always brighten up his path. She exposed herself out of love, for herself, for him, for his family and he exposed all his feelings right back to her, his insecurities and his love, he finally felt with certain how much he is loved, and it's every bit as much as he loves her. And he knows how vast that is.

[bratbby333]

your beauty never scared me ˚➶ ｡˚ ☁️ suguru geto

ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ synopsis: after having your heart broken, your best friend helps you pick up the pieces ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ content + warnings: nsfw + mdni !! fem!reader x suguru, reader was in a toxic relationship + cheated on, fwb!suguru, angst, comfort, smut, unprotected sex ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ word count: 5k (+ a smau!! woo!!) ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ author notes: pink indicates reader's pov, orange is suguru's...inspired by Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green <3 also this was not beta read so pls excuse any typos xx i hope yall enjoy !!

Heartache has its own special way of ruining someone…

...stripping away every ounce of self-respect you work so hard to accumulate. That’s the trouble with letting people in. The outcome is almost always undecided, left in the hands of fate or whatever the hell you believe in. Perhaps it's a moment of weakness, letting a stranger entangle themselves with every fiber of your being, see every inch of your skin, explore the darker parts of your mind– even the things you hide from yourself. Putting trust in the wrong things, the wrong people. Never knowing someone’s true intentions until you discover them in bed, in your bed, with another. When something breaks inside of you, something cynical puts the pieces back together. You are a shell of who you once were. Blame it on soul-crushing character development.

It’s hard to watch the woman you love destroy herself…

...for the sake of holding on to someone who has only ill-intent in their heart. Perhaps it’s best to remove yourself. It’s agonizing, knowing you have the ability to save her from all this. You could relieve her of the heartache, free her from the suffering. Bring her nothing but joy. She has changed, evolved, and is nearly unrecognizable now. You watch as he withers her down into nothing. That man broke her, leaving her to pick up the pieces. And the woman you see now isn’t the same one you knew all those years ago.

The cold air of December flurries around outside as your chest erupts in warmth at the sight of her name illuminating your lock screen. She asks to see you, and you’d be a fool to decline. As she’s sat before you, you take in every part of her that you missed. But she’s different now. Dull eyes, sloping shoulders, her cheekbones are sunken in as her clothes hang from her figure like it's two sizes too big. But it isn’t, you remember the day she bought that t-shirt. The soul that normally inhabits her body has been replaced with something…unrecognizable. You know it’s her, but your mind tells you otherwise. The way her voice lilts from her lips, how chillingly different she sounds while delivering the news, it’s heartbreaking. 

She informs you she won’t be around much, mentioning that it will take time for her to heal from this. You pretend to be supportive of the distance she wants to place between herself and her loved ones, even though it absolutely crushes you. 

There’s something peaceful about loneliness…

…only relying on yourself for company. It can be draining of course. With the few friends you do have, you make the most of it. It’s a serene feeling, private even. People perceive you however they please, but only a few trusted individuals know your ins and outs. It's refreshing. 

God forbid you have to cater to someone else, especially when dating. It's hard enough having to take care of yourself. You make sure your friends know they’re loved and appreciated, of course, but the idea of inviting another person into your life; someone who demands your time and attention in order for it to work out? No thank you. It’s backfired for you many times before, you aren’t willing to go through it again. Your friends have watched you heal from heartbreak after heartbreak, each one more damning than the last. No one blames you for your cynicism, it’s understandable. 

Plus, the emotional upkeep of a romantic relationship is exhausting. And the idea of meeting someone, falling for them, and it not working out in the end? Torturous. Why put yourself through all that?

“You just haven’t found the right one!” 

“They’ll come around when you least expect it!”

“You gotta put yourself back out there!” 

Blah, blah, blah. Not interested. There’s no room for hopeless romance in this ill-fated world. You’re not dealing with that pain anymore. Not if you can help it. 

The trouble with love is that it’s cruel…

…discriminatory, even. Picking and choosing who gets to rejoice in its bliss and simultaneously alienating the unfortunate souls who suffer in its unyielding grip. You attempt to find peace in the silence of her absence, telling yourself that she’s okay, but knowing all too well that her precious heart is still shackled to someone so undeserving. You hold on to the irregular check-in’s you get from her. You hope she’s healing, and you prepare yourself for the outcome; that when she finally returns, she will not be the same person she was. 

Betrayal has a pesky habit of sticking around…

…a lingering feeling that still eats away at you. The night you caught him in his infidelity, something deep within you broke. It wasn’t your heart, no, that would be too simple. It was your psyche, the core of your being. The day he left, a part of you left with him. The chemistry of your brain changed, your atomic makeup shifting toward nihilism. 

So you move through life differently now. Every positive outlook you once had now cast to the wayside, replaced with unyielding suspicion in attempts to keep your heart guarded from the outside world. Hope has finally run out, the idea that there’s good in everyone proven to be a goddamn lie. You shove your desire for love into a padded safe and hide it away on a forgotten shelf in your mind. Hell, you’d burn that obnoxious feeling if you could. Run it through a meat grinder, chuck it into a volcano, nuke it. Doesn’t matter. Anything to stop it from tearing you apart. It’s not like it’s done you any good. Besides, who would want someone as damaged as you?

Part of you feels guilty…

…for sitting idly by, knowing your dear friend was hurting so deeply. But there wasn’t much you could do. You grant her space, knowing she wasn’t given that same courtesy for four years of her life. You pray she returns soon, aware that she doesn’t do well on her own. Her own mind is acting like a prison, holding her hostage, forcing her to relive her pain day in and day out. But, god damn it, you can’t take it anymore. You have been without her for so long. So you reach out, demanding she spend time with you. Self-isolation can only get you so far. It had been months since you’d seen her last. And to your surprise, she agrees.

A spring evening, 65 degrees, the setting sun…

…a gentle breeze that laps at your warm skin as you sit cross-legged on a checkered blanket. The beautiful flowers of May decorate the ground in colorful clusters. The cicadas sing while the bees are busy buzzing around. It’s a strange feeling; coping with the fact that your life has reached rock-bottom, a total stand-still as you work to heal yourself, yet life continues to move, to grow, to thrive. It’s inspiring in a way. You are accompanied by Suguru. He managed to get you out of the house after weeks of rotting away inside, anchored down by the gut wrenching feeling of heartbreak.

Laughter echoes through the park as the two of you revel in the serenity. Life feels…good. Whole. Worth living. It’s been a while since it has felt this way. It shouldn't feel strange, but it does. Happiness has become a foreign concept to you.

Sitting before you is the woman you love…

…the color in her cheeks has returned, the fullness of her face present once more. After suffering through the many months of thunder and unrelenting downpour in her mind, she has bloomed once more. Finally. You couldn’t pull your attention away from her even if you wanted to, your body and mind drawn to her in the most spiritual way. Even though she’s deep in thought, working to take in her surroundings, her beauty is still very much evident. She isn’t even aware of the power she holds– utterly entrancing. You would do anything to live in this moment forever. You’d do anything for her. 

But in this moment…

…with a forgotten feeling of fulfillment creeping its way into your chest as the soft rays of the sun dance across your skin and the sounds of nature swirl through your ears, you realize something. Something so beautiful, yet so fucking terrifying. You love him. Suguru. Maybe it was just your heartache talking, connecting dots that had no business associating. 

You brush it off, hide it away, and chalk it up to just being in a vulnerable moment. Your heart had been torn from your body only a few months prior. Anger still rips through your chest when you think about it. Four years wasted on someone you had placed on the highest pedestal, far higher than you placed your family, your friends…yourself. You were blindsided. In an instant, everything you had come to love, the home you felt safe in, the person you thought you knew…ripped away. Like it was nothing at all. 

Suguru has done what he could to mend the wounds for you, knowing good and well that if you are left to your own devices you would spiral past the point of return. And as renewing as this spring evening is, you know you will never be the same again. 

But you can’t help but fixate on the way he makes you feel. And as hard as you try to push those feelings away, they continue to bubble up. What happens when it finally reaches its boiling point?

You’re only human. You have wants, needs, and desires…

…so who do you turn to for that release? Suguru, of course. Isn’t that what friends are for?

Some would say it’s an evil thing to do; to use someone for pleasure, your own personal gain. A part of you understands that, too. Sure, it may have started out that way, but it’s shifted. And that scares the shit out of you, how you find yourself searching for his validation, the sadness you feel when he leaves in the morning after a night full of fun. So why not tell yourself that you’re just doing what you need to do, rather than what you want to do. Ignoring the fact that deep down you really fucking love it. 

It’s not like you’re taking advantage of him and the bond you share…not really, anyway. The two of you are very close, having known each other for ten years. Side by side, maneuvering through a decade of emotional ups and downs; personal dilemmas, weird family dynamics, terrible relationships, fluctuating hormones and unexpected cast changes within your friend group. But the two of you have always stayed consistent, the main characters. Your personalities mesh well, constantly riffing off one another. Never ending laughter and smiles. He's seen you at your absolute worst and vice versa. The true definition of unconditional love. So why not get a little more from him? After all this time, it feels warranted, well-deserved, even. Ignoring what you feel for him, it just makes sense that this is how it should go down. Plus, if it was such a bad idea, why would he agree?

You would accept her…

…in any way she chooses to present herself to you. After years of watching her hurt, you finally have your friend back, and there isn’t anything you wouldn't do to make her happy. Especially with guilt that you still feel, knowing there was nothing you could have done that would’ve saved her from her suffering. So when she suggests the idea of being friends with benefits, you’d be insane to deny her that. Is it a bad idea? Perhaps. You refuse her offer? She slips away, seeking refuge in the arms of another, someone who could hurt her…Never again.

You crave her so deeply that this arrangement seems perfect. Even though you dread the morning after, not wanting to leave her side…jumping on every opportunity to see her, showering her in praise every time you’re nestled deep within her warmth– the way her eyes light up at your word makes you melt. Is it possible she feels the same way? The more you think about it, the less crazy the idea seems. Would she leave you in the dust if you told her the truth? You don’t want to risk losing her. Not if you can help it. But you can’t confess your underlying intentions. Even though a deep part of you hopes for more, it doesn’t even matter at this point. Hide it. You get to be with her in a way that you never have before, and that’s enough for you…right? 

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡

It all transpired after one drunken night playing a confessional card game with your friend group. You were shit-faced and horny, and he wasn’t any better off. You’re honestly surprised his dick still worked that night, but god did it work. You didn’t expect it to go any further after that, assuming it was a one-off occasion. The two of you never really addressed what happened, either, didn’t take the time to have a real conversation about it. Just a quick “hey, do you wanna…” followed by an indifferent “yeah, why not?”, and that was that. Which is probably a good thing, because any more talking would have most likely resulted in your true feelings coming to the surface. But it happened, and is still happening, so who are you to complain? It’s perfect.

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡

Your friends and random on-lookers alike say you’re compatible, and yeah, they might be right, but fuck that. Why risk the friendship you cherish so deeply for a title? That's idiotic. It's borderline insanity. The minute you put a label on something it all comes crashing down. So, why ruin a good thing? 

Don’t overthink it. It’s nothing serious, and it never will be. You refuse to open yourself up to somebody else, someone new. No more getting hurt. You’ve let Suguru into your life in a more meaningful way than you have for anyone else. And that’s far enough.

Does he know every little thing about you? Sure. 

Does he care for your well-being? Yeah. 

Is he attentive, thoughtful, and supportive? Of course…it is Suguru after all. 

But so what? That's what friends are for. 

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡

You and Suguru see each other frequently, at least three times a week, whether it’s just a normal hangout or…a hangout. You just get what you need and go; a good laugh, dinner and a movie, casual drinks, or a heaven-sent dick appointment. You both seem content, enjoying one another’s company and…bodies…and minds and souls. 

Fuck.

It’s hard to ignore your totally natural, human need for deeper intimacy. But you try to, and damn do you try hard. It would probably be best for you to stop hooking up with Suguru and just go back to how things were. 

You can’t go through this. Not again. You’ve already shifted the perfectly normal dynamic you once had into something deeper. Something…real. There’s no turning back now. So you continue to hide behind your ego, fighting off every demon known to man in hopes that this will all just go away. 

You’ve been somewhat successful in suppressing your feelings, molding them into something more manageable. You are best friends, with the addition of benefits. Simple. Nothing more, nothing less. You pretend to be ignorant of Suguru's awe-inspiring beauty. How his energy is absolutely addicting, the way his lingering touch burns your skin so beautifully. He makes you feel seen for everything you are and appreciates you for everything you’re not. That sentiment alone propels you through the unexplored cosmos, crossing the line between reality and nirvana as starlight dances across your skin.

Not to mention, when you two are actually fucking? It's like two parts of the same soul finally meeting after centuries of arduous searching. You don’t know where your body stops and his begins, entangled in the most profound way. 

God. You sound insane. This is no way to view a friend…your best friend, at that. Get it together. 

What would you even call this? Touch starved? No, he touches you plenty…and in all the right places, too. Is it desperation? Your insatiable need for love? Karmic punishment for all your failed relationships? The corny trope where you end up falling for your best friend? As much as you want to fight against the feelings you have for him, it’s too late. 

Whatever. Just play it off. You refuse to let your walls down. And you’d hate to give Suguru the satisfaction of being the one who commandeered heavy machinery and sent a wrecking ball toward your emotional fortress. 

If you don’t acknowledge your feelings they’ll just cease to exist, right? Yeah, that’s how it works. And it’s a super healthy coping mechanism, too. 

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡

All this deep pondering and emotional soul searching has got you worked up. You decide to see if Suguru wants to come over. Not because you miss him, or anything. It’ll be nothing more than a casual hook up. Dick only, no feelings. 

You catch yourself giggling at his messages. Gross. You brush it off with a shake of your head, a violent wave of self awareness washing over you. 

I'm not going through this again. I refuse.

You read the messages over and over. Do you seem desperate? Do your texts carry the perfect amount of indifference? Whatever. It doesn’t matter, it’s just Suguru, anyway. He's stuck around this long, it would take a lot to scare him off, now.

The plan’s in motion, and you’re going to have a good time tonight. You feel your heart rate spike at the thought of seeing him. That's a totally normal reaction for someone who has no feelings involved, right? Just friends…right? 

Suguru chuckles as he reads your response. Excitement floods through his body in anticipation. Is it finally time to confess? His own eagerness catches him off-guard. He can’t. It’s too soon. He takes a few deep breaths to calm his nerves. Keep it together.

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡

It’s been so long since the feeling of joy has drifted between these barren walls. You take a swig of your drink, exhaling happily through your nose as the sweet juice dances with the sting of the liquor, warming your chest as you swallow. Leaning back on the couch with one leg kicked up on the coffee table, you absentmindedly swirl your glass as you gaze at Suguru.

“I’m really happy to see that you’re doin’ better,” he muses, taking a sip before setting his cup down. You offer him a small nod paired with a gentle smile, looking back at the drink nestled between your fingers; the ice that’s creating condensation on the outside, the way the sun seeps between the half-open curtains in your living room, the cooing of birds just beyond your window panes. Quite frankly, you’re trying your hardest to focus on anything but him. Ignoring the thrum of your heart every time you look into his eyes, pretending the smooth cadence of his voice doesn’t make your body tremble. 

Say you do confess? What then? Is that really something you want, anyway? Or is it just nice to lust after someone? No, it’s not that. You really do love him. You haven’t even considered the possibility of him reciprocating these feelings, and odds are if he does, you’ll just run for the hills, not willing to open your heart up again. Your last relationship destroyed you. There’s no way you’ll allow someone to fill that void. Not with the possibility that it’ll all be a farce. 

After a moment of silence, you finally speak up. “Me, too. And it’s all thanks to you, Sugu.” You finally meet his gaze, and it’s as if his eyes are attempting to pierce through you with how intently he’s looking at you. His expression quirks as if to ask what you mean. You decide to test the waters a bit. Fuck it.

“You…you’ve made me feel…whole again,” your words come out a bit choppy and drawn out, still battling with your decision to come clean. Your eyes dart around his face before looking away once more. You fiddle with your fingers, unsure of if you want to elaborate. Even if you stop here, it’s okay. That’s a totally normal thing to say to a friend who helped you in your time of need.

Your head snaps toward him at the sound of your name. More is said, but you focus on the way he addresses you. He says it so softly, so gently, like the very syllables of your title grace his tongue as they sway from in between his vocal cords. For four years, your name was used against you, weaponized with anger and hatred. But his words are relayed to you with nothing but love behind them. 

Your ears are ringing as you stare at him blankly. You shake your head in hopes to clear the thoughts that are clouding it. “Wait…wha? What did you just say? The last part?”

“I said, it’s because I love you,” he smiles as he watches your face flush. Time slows as your heart rate speeds up. You brows furrow a bit, trying to piece together what the hell is going on.  A million thoughts spin through your head as you stare at him. “You…love…me? Like, in a ‘best friends’ kinda way, right?” You’re shocked as he shakes his head. “No. I love you, and I have for a while. In a more than friends kinda way,” he laughs a bit before leaning forward, reaching for your hand. “You love me, too. Don’t you?” 

“I-” your words get caught in your throat as his fingers rub against the back of your hand. As calm and collected as Suguru seems on the outside, he is spiraling on the inside. He isn’t sure where this newfound confidence is coming from, but he decides to roll with it. His heart thrums in his chest as he anxiously awaits your response. He has reached his tipping point, wanting nothing more than to finally be able to call you his.

You look down, staring at the place where the two of you meet, the feeling of electricity coursing through your body. A chill runs down your spine before you look back at him. “I-I do. I love you.” 

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡

You’re laying on your back, your hair fanned out across the bed. Your arms are wrapped tight around his neck as he gently thrusts into you with slow, deep ruts of his hips. His head is tucked into the crook of your neck, his warm breath brushing across your sensitive skin. 

He leans back, looking down at you with a sweet smile, “You are so beautiful.” His eyes run up and down your body, taking in every dip and curve of your figure, before fixating on where the two of you meet. His lips part as he watches himself disappear inside of you, a deep moan breaking through his chest at the sight of your sweet juices coating his length. He rubs intricate circles into your clit, loving the way you sound as your body writhes under his touch.

Tears begin to pool behind your eyes as you gaze up at him, entranced by the way he manages to stimulate every sense in your body. This is what love truly feels like, bestowed upon you by a man who wants nothing more than to fulfill every facet of your life.

He presses his forehead against yours as he continues to pump into you, his movements influenced by nothing more than pure adoration.

The sun bounces off your features, illuminating your face in such an ethereal way. His breath catches in his throat as he watches the way the light makes your eyes glow. You are angelic in every sense of the word. Someone too pure for this realm, unfathomably delicate; sent to this world to be worshiped and protected.

“I love you. So much,” he groans. Every ounce of devotion he has for you is being pumped into your body with every plunge. It’s overwhelming for him. He's nearly bursting at the seams as he makes love to you, moving his hips so tantalizingly slow, but wanting to thrust into you with fervor, to pound the message into you that you are deserving of all love in the world, and that he will be the one to give it to you. But he takes his time, wanting nothing more than to savor you. 

Small whimpers break through your throat. “I…ahh!– I love you, S-Suguru,” you moan, whining as his head brushes into your sweet spot, making your back arch off the bed as your chest presses into his. The pleasure raking through you is immeasurable, every neuron in your brain firing off at once. You wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him closer, desperate to feel every single part of him.

He cups the sides of your cheeks, brushing away your tears before placing two soft kisses over each eye. “Why’re you cryin’, my love?” he coos, concern evident on his face as he rubs his thumbs against your face. His hips pause as his eyes dart between yours. 

“Just…’m just so happy,” you whisper, scrunching your nose up with a small sniffle before placing a kiss on his lips. He smiles deeply before returning to his original pace.

“You deserve it...just wanna make you feel good, baby,” his hips press him into the deepest parts of you, rubbing against your sweet, gushing walls, but his pace remains deliberate. “You deserve all the pleasure in the world,” his teeth grit ever so slightly as he feels you clench down on him. “F-fuck, baby… fuck. You are just... incredible,” he groans, angling his hips to keep brushing against your g spot.

Even though you’ve had each other many times before, no other instance compares to the way you feel right now. Your body brimming with love, fulfillment…with him. His touch makes you feel reborn, like no one has ever hurt you before. His hands glide across your skin, leaving a trail of warmth in their wake, his unyielding passion evident in the way he clings to you, and you to him.

“Sugu…” you gasp as he bottoms out once more. Short pants leave your lips as you feel the tightness in your stomach intensify. “P-please, keep goin’...I’m…gonna cum,” you mewl. His hands reach underneath your body, palming each asscheek as he lifts your lower half off the bed. The new angle makes your eyes roll as stars begin to dance around your head. “Me too…y’feel so fuckin’ good.” The fiction of his pelvis against your clit shoots ripples of pleasure through you. Your nails drag down his back in an attempt to ground yourself, but to no avail. This feels otherworldly. His pace picks up a bit, pushing you to unravel, your body succumbing to bliss. The warmth that engulfs his lengths makes him reach his peak right after you, his hips stuttering as he works you both through your orgasms.

He props himself up on his forearms, making a conscious effort to not collapse on you and crush you with his body weight, though you would most definitely welcome it. He watches as your chest rises and falls, every soft pant that leaves your lips like music to his yearning ears. He can’t bring himself to pull out, loving the way your walls are still spasming around him. You stare into his eyes for a moment, running your fingers down his spine. A gentle moment of silence settles between to two of you. No words are spoken, but they don't need to be. 

He begins to get up, but your legs lock around his waist immediately, resheathing him inside of you. “Baby–”, he begins to object, but your arms wrap around his shoulders once more, pulling him down as you kiss the spot below his ear, “Jus’ a few more minutes. Love having you like this.”

A deep chuckle rumbles from his chest as he smiles into the crook of your neck. “You keep this up and we might just have to go again.”

And you do. For hours and hours, attempting to make up for all the years wasted. Your two souls engaging in the most mesmerizing dance. He is determined to replace all the heartache you feel with pleasure. And he does. You feel nothing but him. And he can’t focus on anything other than you. Rolling around together until the golden hue of the setting sun shifts into a light pink as it rises above the horizon. But it feels like no time has passed at all. 

Suguru draws soft circles into your skin, holding you tight against his sweat-glistened chest. Your body trembles from the copious amount of pleasure coursing through you. A gentle peck is placed on the top of your head before he looks toward the ceiling. A sense of contentment washes over him, dancing with the soft pulse of his many orgasms still reverberating through his body. After years of waiting, you are finally his, and he is determined to grant you your well-deserved peace.

Dawning a robe, you sit on your balcony, listening to the birds sing you their habitual 'good morning'. The door slides open behind you, and Suguru takes a seat, presenting you with a cup of tea. A quiet thank you leaves your lips as the two of you take in the scenery before you. 

“We should probably get some sleep now, huh?” You ask, turning to him as you take a sip, smiling at the fact that he knows exactly how you take your tea. But, of course he does. It’s Suguru. 

He grins, “No…I don’t want to leave this moment behind just yet.” You blush, reaching your hand out to grasp his. 

“Me neither.”

In his eyes, you are precious, the most important person in his life. The deep-rooted fear of not being worthy of love is disproven in the form of Suguru’s undying loyalty to you. He has waited years to be with you, and he would have waited years more. And as the two of you sit together, with your fingers intertwined and heartbeats in sync, you know there is nowhere else you want to be…no one else you want to be with. An unfamiliar feeling of safety creeps into your chest. You’re in good hands now.

Maybe opening yourself back up to love wasn’t such a bad idea, after all.

author notes: this fic is incredibly self-serving...but i really needed this. i just want a pretty boy named suguru to save me from the heartache i feel rn ugh

my reqs are closed at the moment, but thirsts and chats are always welcome !!

alsoooo !! i just wanted to send out a big big thank you for 700 followers...im literally in shock i cannot believe it. im spinning around my room rn just thinking abt it. yall are amazing n i appreciate every single one of you 🫶🏼

tag list: @anxious-chick @call-memissbrightside @the-weeb-of-the-uchiha @sadmonke

likes, reblogs, and comments are always greatly appreciated !!

© bratbby333 on tumblr. all rights reserved. please do not distribute. 2024.

[cognitiveoverload]

Basic human decency: The pretty doctor – 2/4 (Aaron Hotchner x fem!reader)

summary: In which Jack is the best wingman Hotch can ask for.

masterlist

As you’re wandering the aisles of the store near your home, looking for the next item on your shopping list, you make a quick phone call to check on a patient. It’s your day off, but it was a complicated surgery, and your brain can’t turn off its professional side. You listen to your colleague telling you about the latest lab results, getting so lost in the conversation that you almost hit a little kid with the shopping cart. You raise your hand and say sorry, but when you turn the cart to get past him, he lets out a gasp and points at you.

“Dad, look, the pretty doctor!” he says excitedly.

You pull the phone away from your ear as you give him a questioning look, but the little blond boy is only smiling at you happily. “I’ll call you back, Claire,” you tell your colleague before putting the device away. “I’m sorry, what did you say?” you ask the boy with a kind smile.

He rushes past the cart and stops in front of you. “You’re the pretty doctor who saved my dad.”

“Jack, don’t run away like this, I told you to stay by my side. I’m sorry, I hope he didn’t bother you.”

The man who stopped behind the boy is not unknown to you, mostly because he was the last patient who sent you a thank you gift before being discharged. You’re still being teased about it regularly, but you hoped that stupid giddy feeling you get every time would disappear as the time passed. It didn’t. And you think the fact you kept the card that came with the flowers doesn’t help with that.

It takes your brain a moment to restart, but once it does, you shake your head and flash a smile at him. “Oh, no, he didn’t. But I bet he’s gonna be a little heartbreaker based on how he runs around calling women pretty,” you tell him with a laugh.

“It’s Dad who calls you pretty all the time,” the little boy corrects you with a pout. 

“I most certainly don’t do that,” Hotchner assures you with an awkward smile.

There’s a moment of silence while Jack looks up at his father with a deep frown, but then a mischievous grin appears on his face and he goes, “Sometimes he calls you gorgeous.”

With a panicked look, Hotchner covers the boy’s mouth with his hand and leans down a little. “Buddy, there are things you aren’t supposed to talk about,” he tells him quietly, but even over the terrible music in the store, you can hear every word. “I’m sorry, we should probably just go,” he notes after clearing his throat.

Laughing, you nod and offer your hand for a high-five to Jack, who welcomes it with an excited giggle. But before they could move on, you turn to look at the older man again. “By the way, how are you? Everything healed perfectly?” you ask, desperately clinging to the only topic that can keep them here just a little longer. 

It’s strange, and maybe a little weird, but it’s so good to see him again, and his son is also adorable, and god, you’re pathetic. Why can’t you just move on? Why did you keep that card? Why are you this stupid?

“Yeah, everything’s great, thanks to you,” Hotchner replies with a warm smile. He then hesitates, obviously trying to choose his next words carefully. “I was wondering why you didn’t come see me again. I… thought I crossed a line with those flowers.” There’s something about his tone, like he’s feeling guilty about the whole thing. Strange.

Without hesitation, you flash a bright smile at him and go, “Oh, no, they were beautiful, thank you.”

“That’s not why I mentioned it.”

“I know, it’s just–”

“Dad?” the little boy speaks up, interrupting you with the sweetest smile you’ve ever seen. “Can the pretty doctor have lunch with us?” 

“Jack, I’m sure she’s busy.”

The little boy begins to jump up and down from excitement, tiny fingers clutching his jeans to keep his attention on himself. “Please?” he asks.

Hotchner looks at you with a questioning look, shrugging in an attempt to lighten the mood. But there’s a smile on his lips, and a softness in those brown eyes that make you want to say yes. You would be a fool to miss this opportunity. So, why would you refuse? Why wouldn’t you cancel all of your plans with your friends just to spend more time with this little family of two? 

Before answering, you look down at Jack, who watches you with wide eyes. “Are you sure about this?” you ask kindly, to which he responds with an enthusiastic nod. 

You then glance over at his father, looking for that final confirmation that he wants this too, not only because of his son, but because of you. Maybe it’s stupid, but deep down you hope those flowers and smiles back in the hospital actually meant something. Soon enough, he nods and mouths please in an attempt to convince you. 

“Alright, you convinced me,” you reply with a wide smile. 

The boy jumps around as he celebrates, while his father steps closer to you, a hand landing on your waist while he leans so close to you that you can feel his breath on your ear. “Thank you, this makes him really happy. And I’m also really happy, just saying.” When you turn your head to look at him, he’s smiling at you in a way that makes you want to kiss him, but you barely know the guy, it wouldn’t be right. “Oh, and we will have to go on a proper date later. Just you and me, doing adult things.”

“Dad!”

Before you could say anything, he moves away and ruffles his son’s hair. “We’re coming,” he says with a laugh.

Well, that escalated quickly.

[throughparisallthroughrome]

"Got the Blues Back in Boston"

Chapter 1

Pairing: Modern!Anakin Skywalker x Reader

Description: Leaving behind an incompatible college and profound heartbreak on the Virginia Coast, you find yourself home again in Brookline, Massachusetts. A new opportunity presents itself to you at MIT, joining your brother ben and childhood friends/neighbors, Anakin and Ahsoka. Despite the familiarity, you discover just how much of a difference 2 years away can really make between the people you once considered family.

Warnings:f!reader, angst, jealousy, pining, smut, masturbation, mentions/descriptions of domestic abuse, cursing, drinking/drug usage, academic obsession, general obsession, hardcore partying, frats, general college bullshit

DISCLAIMER!!! READ BEFORE PROCEEDING: I’ve never been in an abusive relationship- I’ve only witnessed them. I’m an aspiring psychology major and have done a lot of research on the topic of domestic abuse/violence. This series deals with this topic HEAVILY, so be warned. 

Word Count: 6.3k A/N: First chapter is up! I'm sorry it took so long, I was really hoping to nail a certain feel and aesthetic with this series, and I really hope that translates. I'm probably gonna post the playlist I listen to while writing this because it does have a lot of influence on the story and everything. Please let me know if you wish to be tagged! Requests and ask box is open, and any/all criticism is welcome! Thank you for reading and supporting me <3

masterlist.

The drive to Brookline was always a hassle. Whether it was crossing the scary bridge along the coast of Virginia or through New York City—knowing that you’d still never been—it always ached. Maybe it was because you hadn’t been home in two years—and you missed Boston. 

Piled high in the back of your black Ford Focus was the last two years of your life that you could fit. You left behind everything else. 

The forest that encompassed you on I-95 offered a clearer perspective on your situation. As devastating as it had been, your new beginning after high school was not quite what you expected it to be. Hampton was a lovely place; the beaches were excellent, the people friendly, and there was always something to do. Somewhere to go. You made decent money working as a cocktail waitress in a club near your apartment, which is how you met Nick.

Tall, with a handsome face and a charm that was impossible to resist, Nick was the kind of man you couldn't help but be drawn to. He had a gorgeous smile and a body sculpted from the gods. The night you met him, he smooth-talked his way into your bed, introducing himself as Nicholas, saying how he never met someone as beautiful as you. The other waitresses just didn’t compare. And the rest was history. Were you usually the type to sleep with someone on the first date (if you could call it that)? Definitely not. But something about him was so captivating. 

But as the trees passed you by and your grip on your steering wheel tightened, you felt a tear fall onto your shaking hands. What happened to the Nick you loved? What went wrong? Who did you both turn into? Besides, the whole thing going south was your fault- you both knew that. You wanted too much; you let those men flirt, and you were never there for him. You never did what he asked. And you’d never amount to anything. At least, that’s what Nick always told you- and part of you was inclined to believe it. 

Your heart ached at the loss. The 11-hour drive was increasingly painful by the second, only two hours in and not even through the first city. The morning sun beamed in your eye as your car trudged through the wetlands, bathed in its golden hue.1 In the distance, you could make out the skyline of DC, the first city you needed to travel through.

It was nice in DC. You had attended a few times in the past. On one of the many family vacations you took throughout the years, you, your parents, and the Skywalkers had all made a trip together to that specific destination. You intentionally took the longer way home to ensure you remember it all. Besides, the Delaware Peninsula was far from interesting. And you needed the time to think- and probably mentally prepare yourself for what you’d arrive at.

The most exciting part of the trip was Baltimore, Philly, and NYC back to back. Despite sitting in mind-numbing traffic a lot of times, there was always something to look at. And people-watching was always your favorite. You felt your heart hurt, wishing for the opportunities that these cities could bring. As New York City and Hartford disappeared in the rearview mirror, the approaching Boston skyline sent a shiver down your spine, your breath catching in your throat. And there was the traffic.

You shakily reached for a cigarette out of your purse as your car came to a stop, breaking your own promise that you wouldn’t smoke in the car you bought. A wide smile spread across your face as you lit the cigarette, your body relaxing as the sweet scent filled the air. Naturally, your mind went straight to Anakin. Whenever you tasted cigarettes, it was impossible not to think of him and the bittersweet moments you shared. After all, he started your bad habit. Once again, your hands shook. Did he ever think about you while you were gone? You were close, but he was also an incredible pain in your ass. And what if he and Padme suddenly got back together? Ahsoka would have told you, right? Maybe. 

She would have told you. 

The familiar streets of Brookline outstretched before you, energetic and alive, instantly flooding your mind with cheerful memories that brought a grin to your face. Your smile widened across your face as you glanced at the familiar sports bar on the corner, reminiscing about the laughter and friendships you developed during your time as a hostess in high school. You turned the corner at the next light, a quiet laugh escaping your lips as the vibrant lights of the movie theater danced before your eyes, eliciting the sweet nostalgia of your god-awful first kiss. You weren’t expecting little Tommy to stick his tongue down your throat in 7th grade. As you approached Emerson Garden, a bittersweet ache tugged at your heart, memories of laughter and familiarity flooding your mind—the memories it held. 

The streetlights flickered as you turned down the most familiar road of all. You bit your lip in anticipation and ignored the urge to light another cigarette right then and there- your mom didn’t need to know about your filthy habit (although she smoked, too). The soft melodies of Radiohead and the laughter echoed from the back porch as you parked in the driveway. Gazing at the house with a smile, you felt a hint of excitement about reclaiming your old room. It had been far too long. 

The porch light turned on, and out ran Ahsoka, not even giving you a chance to turn your car off.

“You motherfucker!” She yelled, opening the car door and throwing her arms around you as you laughed, “It’s been so fucking long!” 

You looked back at her, pulling the beanie off her head and giggling, “Well, don’t tell the others, but I only came back for you.”

“Shut up,” she stands up, pulling you up with her, “Get your ass inside.” You laugh and salute her, following her through the familiar corridors of your house and into the kitchen. 

“Shut the FUCK up. She’s real!” Your mom squealed and quickly set her wine down, embracing you as if you’d be gone in an instant. “Never leave me like that again.” She pulls away and laughs, her tone laced with a hint of seriousness. 

“Never.” You promised, smiling wide before your dad caught your attention, tossing you a beer and shooting a wink in your direction. Although he wasn't typically sentimental, you could tell he missed you. 

“Where are the boys?” you asked, opening the can and drinking the bitter liquid. “Jesus Christ, Miller Lite never gets better, does it?” You squinted your eyes in disgust, giggling at your own reaction. 

“Nope, thought I taught you better than that.” He wraps an arm around your shoulders, kissing the top of your head. “They’re outside with Cliegg and Shmi.”

“Okay, sweet, I’ll go say hello.” You motion towards the back door, catching a glimpse of Ben from the back porch. 

“Hey,” He grabs your arm before you can turn to leave. “We missed you. I hope you’re okay. Ahsoka didn’t give us any details, but she said things really went to shit in Hampton. I just want to make sure you know you always have a home here, and we will do what we can to make it better, okay?” 

You nodded and smiled before practically running out the back door, forgetting exactly what you were throwing yourself into. 

“You fucker, you cheated!” Anakin yells, throwing down his cards as Ben takes a swig of his beer and laughs. 

“I’m afraid you just have an awful poker face, Anakin.” He sets his cards down and stands up, turning to face you with a smile. “There she is. About time you graced us with your presence.” 

You give a shrug before embracing Ben tightly, fighting back tears welling up in your eyes. You and Ben were close, and you knew that if he found out what happened, it would devastate him. He and Anakin were always there to keep you safe, but you had a distinct sibling connection. He knew you too well, always able to read your thoughts with uncanny accuracy. 

“You okay?” He pulled away and whispered, searching your sad eyes.

“Yeah, just tired. Long ass drive. Took the long way this time.” You sniffled, and he nodded in response, letting go and pulling a chair out between Anakin and what you assumed was Ahsoka’s chair. With a quiet thank you on your lips, you raised your beer to your mouth and took a long, satisfying gulp, feeling a gentle buzz settle in. 

“So, you’re back.” Anakin avoids eye contact, shuffling the cards before him as Ahsoka stifles a laugh. “Took you long enough.”

“Anakin!” Shmi scolds, noticing how his lips turn into a smirk, “You know he missed you, Y/N. He’s just a sore loser. Ben’s kicked his ass at poker three times now.” 

“Ah,” You nod, a grin spreading across your face, “He just doesn’t want to admit he sucks at poker- OW!” You feel a sudden impact as Anakin's foot forcefully meets the top of yours, causing you to shoot a glare in his direction. His eyes remain fixed on the cards, completely disregarding your look, while he bites down on his lip, trying to contain his amusement. "Sore loser indeed," you mutter under her breath, shaking her head in annoyance as you pick up the cards he handed you.

Of course, the hand was awful. You weren’t sure how you’d make it out of this alive. Family poker nights were a tradition started by your parents and the Skywalkers, which you were all quickly introduced to by your 10th birthday. Once you hit double digits, you were old enough to gamble. Ahsoka was always the best, but you had a habit of making a comeback when people least expected it. And you had a great poker face- Anakin did not. Anakin had a habit of wearing every thought and emotion on his sleeve his entire life. Shmi always swore it would be his downfall- as a child, you thought she was just talking about his downfall at poker. But once you got older, you quickly understood. 

When you discovered his breakup with Padme, you felt like maybe part of you understood. But you never really knew why they broke up. Everyone just told you, “They were better off as friends,” and that was all you knew. Did you want the real story? Absolutely. But part of you was worried about what he’d tell you. You knew better than to get involved in Anakin’s love life, and deep down, a part of you didn’t want to taint the image you had always had of him in your mind.

“Heard you finally got into MIT,” Anakin breaks the silence and your train of thought as he pushes a couple of chips into the center of the table, “Congratulations, although I’ve never heard of anyone going to MIT for an Archeology degree.” You roll your eyes and sigh. 

“There it is.” You giggle as everyone groans, setting their cards down as they fold. 

“There’s what?” He shoots you a disapproving glare.

“You’ve never given me a compliment without an insult. Was waiting for it.” You shrug, laying down your cards, “Full house.” Anakin’s jaw drops as you pull all the chips in your direction. 

“Shit,” He mutters, setting his cards down and laying his head on the table as he groans loudly in annoyance, “Fucking done with this game.”

“And so are we,” Shmi motions Cliegg to stand, “Love you guys. Have fun. Good to have you back, sweetheart.” Shmi kisses your head as Cliegg ruffles your hair before leaving to say goodnight to your parents. 

“Mhm,” you hum, finishing the last of your beer, “and plenty of people go to MIT for archeology. It’s a great school. Besides, it’s about time I joined you all there. And it’s only a 15-minute drive. Speaking of- how’s biochemical engineering going, little one?” With a gentle tap on Ahsoka's knee, she reluctantly tears her gaze away from her phone and responds with an eye roll.

“Fucking awful! I love what I’m studying; the school is incredible- just so much work. I’m so tired. I have time for nothing!” She groans and sinks further into her chair while you, Anakin, and Ben burst into uncontrollable laughter.

“Coming from a recent MIT graduate- it doesn’t get any better. Just wait until you get further into your major- Biochemical Engineering is far from easy.” Ben offers her a smile while you and Anakin continue giggling. 

“And on that note,” You stand up, shaking your empty can, “I’m getting something stronger than this Miller.” 

As you enter the house, a soft purr fills the air as your familiar furry companion, Giz, wraps himself around your legs. You squat down on the floor and feel the warmth of his fur as you pet him, "Missed you, little guy."

“He missed you too.” Your mom leans against the doorway, handing you an obnoxiously full glass of wine. “Had a feeling you came in for this. Are we gonna talk about what happened?” 

You sigh, standing up and rubbing your hands on your thighs. “Now’s not really the time or place, Mom. I just got here. The last thing I wanna think about is that.” You grab the glass out of her hand and attempt to turn around before her hand is on your shoulder, pulling you back. 

“Not so fast.” You turn around and meet her concerned eyes, your hands feeling more sweaty than they did a minute ago. “Y/N, no one just up and leaves their entire life for the past two years suddenly without something major happening. I know you haven’t told anyone- and I know the last thing you want to do is talk about it- but please, for the love of God, talk to someone. We can all tell something is off. You’re not yourself, honey. We care about you- and we’re concerned. As much as I’m so fucking happy to have you back, I know something bad happened, and I want to be there for you.” 

“Mom,” You put your hand on her shoulder, fighting back tears with a smile. “You’re doing enough. I just want to have a good time, focus on being in my dream school, and g-get my life back together, okay?” 

“O-okay,” she nods, her voice laced with apprehension as she turns away from you and back into the kitchen, “Pasta on the stove if you want it!” 

“Thanks!” you yell, shutting the back door behind you and sighing loudly as you plop back into your chair, earning an eyebrow raise from everyone, “I’m here for an hour and she’s already bugging me.”

“She just loves you, Y/N/N.” Ben tries to reason, and you feel your leg bounce. 

“Yeah,” you mumble, fidgeting with the poker chips on the table.

“So,” Anakin leans forward, opening another beer, “You and that guy still together? What was his name.. Harry? James?”

“Nick.” You answer for him, unconsciously biting your lip. “And no, we’re not.” Everyone’s ears suddenly perked up at the confession, the consensus being just how little they knew about your life. 

“Damn, what’d you do?” Anakin jokes, searching your face for a smile, only to be met with nothing.

“Ha. Good one.” You chuckle under your breath, your lips forming into a frown.

As soon as Anakin brought up Nick, you lost interest in the conversation. Nick never met the family; you only told them about him over the phone while you were gone. He had always insisted that your life was meant to be in Hampton with him, where you would create something new together. You didn’t need to return home to your family; if you did, you’d be leaving him all alone. Holidays and significant moments came and went, and all the while, you were stuck at a college you loathed, sharing your life with a man you mistakenly believed was the one.  

During your nights in Hampton, you and Nick would often find yourselves curled up on the couch, indulging in excessive drinking while he introduced you to various illicit substances. You pretended to enjoy soccer and cocaine, drinking more tequila than you needed. Shot after shot, followed by line after line, you barely knew who you were. He constantly told you how pretty you were, how you were made for him, but if you forgot to run to the liquor store that day, he would treat you as if you were dead to him. Nick offered little in return for your support, except for empty assurances that the life you would build together would make it all worthwhile. Nick's behavior took a downward spiral as he began staying late at work and arriving home in a drunken stupor. From that point on, things spiraled out of control. 

And maybe a part of you once loved Nick, but now you felt suffocated in the relationship. And when you tried to bring things up to him, he’d tell you that you were a cheap whore who was only made to be his personal fuck toy. And just like that, the conversation came to an end. The coercion left, and he started to force you to use the drugs he’d use, tell you to skip class, skip tests, skip your job- you were losing yourself within him, and you were worried about the consequences if you didn’t let it happen. He was always a kind, sweet, romantic boy- but he could be so, so evil. 

And you’ll never forget the first time he hit you, the sound of his hand connecting with your skin echoing in your ears. As you sat on the counter, the alcohol made your vision blur, and your head throbbed as if it was about to explode. You were already at your limit, and the last thing you wanted was to do was another line. Your nose was already starting to bleed a little, and he begged and begged for you to keep going- telling you he needed it. He didn’t want to do it alone- you had to do it. As you stubbornly declined once more, a sudden, fiery sting seared across your cheek, causing your nose to finally bleed and droplets of blood to stain your thigh. He apologized profusely, waiting on you hand and foot as he cleaned you up, held your hair as you puked, washed you, and still talked you into sex- but it had happened. You knew you needed to leave, or your life could be at stake. 

“Y/N?” Ben asks, and you break out of your Nick-induced trance with a sharp gasp, your eyes glossy and lips bloody from your nervous tic. 

“I’ll be back.” You stand back up, taking a concerningly long swig from the wine before exiting out the back gate and into the driveway. 

“I’m really concerned about her.” Ben watches you leave and bites his lip. Ahsoka nods along with him. “Listen, as happy as I am to have her back, something’s not right. As her brother, I just- I fear the worst. She’s not herself.” 

“Did you see the way she reacted when you asked about Nick?” Ahsoka whispered, leaning in to closer to the table, “Something had to have happened.”

“Wait.” Anakin says, as he and Ben both turn to face her, their brows furrowed in confusion and concern, “Ahsoka, you don’t know anything either? She’s your best friend.”

“I- I know nothing. And I hate it.” She confesses to the boys, the air growing thick as Anakin uncomfortably shifts in his seat, and Ben sighs.

“I think I’m gonna try to talk to her.” Anakin stands slowly as Ben raises a brow and leans back in his chair, closing his eyes.

“Anakin, no offense, but I doubt she’ll want to talk to you,” Ahsoka murmured, avoiding his scowl. 

“Well,” he pushes the chair behind him, walking towards the gate. “We’ll see!” 

Curled up in the Papasan chair on the porch, you lit the joint between your fingers and watched as the lights in your neighbor's windows turned off. Your thoughts drifted from Nick and onto the childhood you missed dearly—so many snowball fights on the street before you, bike rides, and scraped knees. You remember the Johnsons across the street particularly not liking Anakin, so you and Ahsoka egged their house, only to backfire and get Anakin in trouble. You confessed to doing it, and no one believed you. It had to be Anakin. But for some strange reason, he never cared. He accepted the punishment, mowed their yard for a year, and never brought it up to you, no matter how many times you apologized. And every apology that slipped from between your lips was met with a grin. 

And that time in 7th grade when Ahsoka really got into it with Julie down the street. She never liked Ahsoka and always found a way to get under her skin. However, this time was particularly awful. When you found Ahsoka, she was sobbing on the corner while Julie laughed at her, calling her pathetic, telling her that even her adopted parents didn’t love her and that her big brother wasn’t there to save her now. But you were. You pushed Julie onto the grass so fucking hard, only for her to get back up and swing. Ahsoka screamed for you to stop, but a newfound rage took over as you pounded into Julie’s face. She ended up on the pavement with a broken nose, and you ended the fight with a fractured wrist and grounded for a month (Only a month because your mom found out who you fought and what she said). Anakin was waiting for Ben to return from tennis and heard the commotion. He ran down the street, finding Ahsoka sobbing, Julie on the pavement, bloody and teary, and you sitting on the corner, shaking and clutching your throbbing wrist in your hand. He instantly asked Ahsoka what happened before making his way to you, holding your wrist, picking you up, and taking you and Ahsoka back to your house. Your mom called Julie’s mom and talked about what happened, and fortunately, Julie confessed to everything. And that’s when you found out her parents were going through a nasty divorce, and Julie was starting therapy. And surprisingly, she actually grew into a really decent, respectable person. 

The four of you had always done everything together. You had always been inseparable. And when you left, it tore that apart. You left a hole in Brookline, and you knew it as well as they did. Even though they swore they were happy for you, moving on and doing more, you could see in their eyes that they selfishly did not want you to leave. They didn’t like the years of friendship to be put on hold just like that. And, of course, you felt guilty about it all, but you thought you needed to get out of Brookline. You assumed you wanted something bigger than Boston, bigger than you, bigger than those childhood friends. And two years later, you realize just how naïve you were. Those were your lifelong friends; your life was in Boston, and your dream school was there, too. You missed them more than you could ever envision, and the guilt ate at you every single fucking day. And you wished that 19-year-old you had just stayed. Things would be so much simpler if you had stayed. You let some pathetic man in Hampton tell you that it was just you and him- forever. And you knew deep down your 19-year-old naive self didn’t believe a fucking word he said- she just wished she did.  

“Oh, that’s not a cigarette.” Your eyes flicker up from the street and towards a drunken Anakin leaning against the patio rail in front of you. His lips were curled into a mischievous smile, his hair curly and messy. 

“No,” You lean forward, handing him the joint, “No, it’s not.” 

“So,” He took a quick draw from the joint, flicking it against the deck railing as he looked back at you and smiled, “You just got here, and you’re already running from us? What’s up with that?” 

You scoff, snatching the joint from him and leaning back in the chair. 

“Just wanted some alone time, is all.” You avoid his gaze, and it’s his turn to scoff, plopping himself next to you in the chair. 

“Yeah, because you’ve been so fond of that your entire life. I don’t believe you.” 

“And? Never said I cared that you did.” You quickly retorted, earning an eyebrow raise and a smirk. 

“Relax,” he said, snatching the joint back from you and holding it hostage. “Talk to me. It’s just us.” His hand met yours; his gaze was intense and empathetic. 

You weren’t sure why you wanted to tell him. It was probably the weed mixed with a bit of liquid courage, but in that moment, you needed to get it out. He was so welcoming, holding your hand and offering you the comfort you needed in that moment. Was it pure manipulation? Possibly. But you knew Anakin loved you just as much as you loved him, and you knew you could trust him. He had kept your secrets before, so what’s another one? However, none of those other secrets typically included an abusive relationship; it was mainly about Ben and Ahsoka. You gripped his hand back, watching his eyes soften and his lips curve into a small smile.

“Just-” You started, dropping your voice into a low murmur, “Please don’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t.” He looked into your eyes like he would die to protect your secret. That was precisely what you needed to see. 

“Nick- uh- sorry,” You sniffled, rubbing your eyes as you searched for the right words. “He- uh- he hurt me—a lot. I barely made it out of that relationship in one piece. I think my breaking point was when I asked him to visit for your grandma’s funeral, and he knocked me out. I woke up in my bathtub, my face covered in my blood, and he was gone. I applied to MIT that morning. The day after I got in, I packed everything I could and left. He’s blocked on everything, and he hasn’t attempted to reach out in any sort of way. Anakin- I don’t know what would have happened to me if I didn’t leave.”

Your eyes met Anakin’s glossy ones as your hands shook underneath his touch. He crooked his head to the side, bringing you in for a much-needed hug. You let yourself cry softly in his arms, feeling his shaky hands rub in slow motions up and down your back, his other hand stroking the top of your scalp.

 But when he looked back at you, the softness in his gaze had disappeared. His fists clenched at his side, his eyebrows furrowed as he bit his lip in frustration. 

“A-Anakin?” 

“Y/N, why didn’t you tell anybody? We would’ve come to help! We could have put that piece of shit in jail by now!” He stands up abruptly, pinching the bridge of his nose and sighing deeply. 

“I-I’m sorry- I-” You stutter, your mind racing as he paces before you. His eyes meet yours, and he points at you as your heartbeat accelerates.

“Y/N, I swear to god- I’m gonna kill that motherfucker. He’s fucking dead. I don’t care what hap-” He stops momentarily, cut off by your sobs from the chair. Fuck. He’s yelling at a domestic violence victim- no- he’s yelling at you. What a fucking asshole. 

“HeyHeyHeyHey-” He’s quickly on his knees in front of you, shushing and brushing your hair out of your face, “I’m so fucking sorry- that was so selfish of me to do. I shouldn’t have said or done any of that. You opened up to me, and I yelled at you.. that will never happen again, okay? Why don’t we get you to bed?” He held your hands in his, searching your red eyes for an answer as you quickly nodded. 

“Okay, I’m gonna go say goodnight to everyone, you just hold tight here. Sound good?” You nodded once again, and he giggled. “Words, sweetheart. I need you to say something.”

“That’s what I want, Ani. Bed.” You mumble out, forming your lips into a sad smile. His heart broke at the sight of you. 

The second the back gate opened back up, Ben and Ahsoka immediately shot out of their chairs at the sight of Anakin. Their interrupted conversation suddenly had no meaning as he entered, taking a quick seat next to them.

“She’s- uh- she’s pretty upset. And fucked up. I’m gonna take her to bed.” He sighed, running his fingers through his hair as Ben and Ahsoka looked at him, puzzled. 

“Well, what happened? Is she okay? Does she need help?” Ahsoka frantically broke the silence, asking the questions she and Ben were both thinking. 

“Listen, she’s in rough shape right now. I’m just gonna get her to sleep, and I’ll tell you guys all about it. I don’t even know if she’s done talking about it. I’ll be right back.” 

“Y/N?” He calls out your name as he steps on the other side of the gate, jogging up the front porch to see you passed out in the chair, joint hanging loosely from your fingers. 

Amused, he grabs the roach from your fingers and casually tosses it off the porch, letting out a small laugh. Clearly, you didn't waste any time before drifting off to sleep. All the crying and weed must have done something. As he crouches down beside you, he tenderly brushes your hair, his eyes filled with adoration as he looks at your sleeping figure. 

“I’m so sorry about everything,” He tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear, sighing softly, “I know you’re going to hate me for what I’m gonna do. Just please know it’s in your best interest. I care about you so much.” He bites his lip in thought, his eyes searching your figure.

As he rises to his feet, he effortlessly swipes your phone and tucks it away, his eyes briefly glancing at your water bottle. With a tender gesture, he reaches his arms beneath you, drawing you close to his chest and ensuring the blanket envelops you snugly as he lifts you from the chair. Your head is cradled against his chest, his hand wrapped around your waist and under your knees. 

Anakin carried you gently up the stairs of your house, each step creaking under the weight of his feet. Passing through the familiar corridors, he reached your bedroom door and pushed it open, immediately being overwhelmed by the alluring scent of your space. As he laid you down on your bed, he couldn't help but notice how little the room had changed since you left, the same photos on the walls and the same worn-out rug. Your mom kept everything intact, probably hoping you’d come back eventually. He filled your water bottle, plugged your phone in, left some medicine on your nightstand, and tucked you in tightly. Just as he turned on the fan and kissed your forehead goodnight, your eyes fluttered open to meet with his, and you gave him a sleepy smile. 

“Ani?” You mumbled, watching as his smile grew above you. 

“Hey, sweetheart, feeling pretty sleepy, huh?” 

“Mhm,” You stretched your arms out momentarily as you yawned. “I’m sorry I dropped all of that on you earlier. And I’m just- I’m sorry about it all. I feel so-”

“Y/N,” He gets on his knees next to you, the warmth in his eyes matching the tender smile on his lips, “You don’t need to apologize for a thing. I’m always here. And so are Ben and Ahsoka. We got you. You take as much time as you need to process, recover, and do whatever you need to, okay? It’s about you, Y/N/N, don’t worry about us.” You giggle and nod at his words, your eyes attempting to flutter shut. He laughs at your exhaustion, ruffling up the hair on your head. “Sleep well, okay? I’ll be here if you need me.” 

He closes your door and leans against the door frame, exhaling heavily as he tries to make sense of everything that happened throughout the night. How could someone be so fucking despicable to do this to you? His girl. His fists clenched tightly at his waist, his eyes burning with rage as he vividly imagined the torment you endured. He tried not to let his mind go there. He really did. Resting against your bedroom door, vivid visions of you, covered in blood and pleading for help, overwhelmed him, plunging him into a downward spiral. And in a moment of weakness, he did exactly what he promised he wouldn’t do.

“She was abused. Badly.”

“WHAT?”

Ben and Ahsoka jump from their seats on the porch, rushing towards Anakin as he angrily makes his way from the house onto the deck. 

“That fucking piece of shit!” Ben shouts, punching his fist against the side of the house while Ahsoka tries to calm Anakin down, asking him for more details.

“Okay, Anakin, I need you to give me more than just ‘abused.’ I know you have details.” Ahsoka sputtered while she held the sides of his arms, guiding him over to the table to sit down while Ben paced behind them. 

“It was that asshole she was dating for the past two years- Nick. The one we conveniently never met, which I’m sure was on purpose. She didn’t tell me much other than that if she didn’t leave when she did, she could’ve- well- she- it just wouldn’t have ended well.”

Anakin's words hung in the air, creating a thick silence that was almost tangible with tension. Anakin's throat tightened as he locked eyes with Ben and Ahsoka, their glossy gazes reflecting their shared pain. Ben found a spot at the table, deep in thought, as he absentmindedly stroked his chin, his eyes devoid of any emotion. Ahsoka carefully finished the last of her wine, the cling! of it ringing out as the glass met the table one last time.  

“Well-” Ben tried to start, cut off by his sudden sobs. He pushed his head on the table, covering his face from Ahsoka and Anakin as he attempted to take deep breaths, processing the information he had just learned. In an effort to hold back tears, Anakin bit his lip, his hand trembling as he rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes squeezed shut tightly. As she silently wept, Ahsoka soothingly rubbed Ben's back, hoping to ease his pain.

“I just- I should have known.” She mumbled, picking the cat's hair off of the back of Ben’s sweater. 

“There’s no way you could’ve, Snips.” 

“It’s just that- I thought it was odd when she suddenly asked me to pick up her cat. Saying she couldn’t take care of him and that it was an emergency. I never even met Nick, and she wouldn’t let me stay at the apartment long. I hardly saw her. So many fucking red flags..” she trailed off, feeling her head hurt at the thought. 

“Ahsoka, it’s okay.” Ben sniffled, lifting his head off the table as his red eyes met Anakin’s. “There is no one at fault here other than Nick.”

"Exactly," Anakin paused momentarily at his comment, his eyes widening. “Guys, she made me promise I wouldn’t tell you. Considering everything, I think we should wait until she opens up. Even though it hurts, the last thing I’d want to do is hurt her anymore.”

“Yeah,” Ben whispers, and Ahsoka nods, holding onto each other as they try to calm down.  

“We should get to bed, guys. It’s 3:30.” Anakin mumbles as he stands up and stretches, offering his hand to Ahsoka. “We’ll see you soon, Ben. Get some rest.”

As he lay in bed, Anakin’s mind wandered off to you. How could it not? Besides being your best friend, he always looked for more in you. The knowledge weighed heavily on him, and he despised himself because of it. To him, you were his world, his everything. Always. And hearing/seeing how hurt you were? It fucking destroyed him. So, he let himself cry. He allowed himself to feel those emotions for you, and he always had buried them deep down. Instead, he buried his face in his pillow and soaked it with his tears. His admiration for you would never falter, and neither would his protectiveness. He felt as if a part of him failed, and as a result, his guard was down. He felt the desire to love you and keep you safe increased, knowing that getting the chance to do so may destroy him inside and out.

And it didn’t help that you lost your virginities to each other. Sharing such a unique, intimate moment with the person he always knew was the one, well, that just really fucked things. Literally. There wasn't a moment when he wasn't haunted by the memories of that night; it was a constant presence in his mind. And then he got with Padme, and you left for Virginia, and things got so lost and confused, and life moved on. You moved on. He tried to. But he searched for you in everyone and everything. Padme knew it, he knew it, fuck, his mother probably knew it! He’s just thankful Ben doesn’t know it. As much as he hated to say it, Anakin knew he would have gone back in time to do anything to change that moment. Because now you’re here, and his feelings have only intensified. Feelings that should have left a long, long time ago. And yet, as he cried himself to sleep, he continued to dream of you, just like every night before.

Please let me know if you wish to be tagged!

Series tags: @w0rsh1psells @ursogorgeous13 @tommyvelvet @mistress-amidala @queenofnigthdarkness @nikkissecretlibrary @doblasftcisco @ann4zw @catachlysmicjedi @googie-jeon @xoxo-hayden-fangurl-xoxo @anakinstwinklebunny

[lesbianloser69]

It’s such a simple thing really, but “do you want me to be alive?” is one of, if not the saddest, things written in the entire world of one piece. Although, maybe thats just because of my soft spot for found family tropes (especially siblings lol)

Ace is just a small little boy here, a fragile thing compared to the character we all know. This is a harsh contrast compared to Ace in his adulthood, where he’s fueled by his ache to prove himself and prove that he’s more than his father. You never would have guessed the reality of his childhood, considering the cheery and almost comedic relief he can be at times.

I guess I kind of expected this, though. Aces hatred for himself and feeling that he doesn’t deserve to be alive was first hinted through his self deprecative jokes, before we ever knew about his past or who he was. I noticed this myself, that through the facade of sarcasm and cockiness there’s just a guy who feels like his life is a burden to all those around him. And what does it all come down to? His blood, the last name that he refuses to bear out of his hatred for the man who gave it its meaning.

Ace going by his mothers last name isn’t just a testimony for his respect and love for her, but also an act of defiance against his father. I don’t blame him lol, but it’s honestly heartbreaking that Ace has no idea that Roger did love him, and Ace died not knowing this.

The result of Rogers actions on the world though basically fucked Ace over for his entire life, and that was what made Roger selfish.. to go and cause a war and then have a son? It’s no surprise that Ace is seen as the child of the devil, because that’s exactly what Roger was seen as.. the devil.

So for all of Aces childhood he’s taught one thing: that his father was the devil, and that he is the child of that monster. That he doesn’t deserve to live, and what’s worse is he has to listen to strangers talk about murdering Rogers son, if he ever had one. He’s barely even lived to know anything, he’s just a baby, and he already believes what the ENTIRE world thinks of him, he’s hated and worthless and a burden. That’s so much for a 10 year old to have to carry alone, and it’s even sadder to see how this causes Ace to be shut off and cold to everyone he meets.

But of course he is.. hearing people talk about murdering him if he did exist (not directly him because no one knows Ace is Rogers son, except Garp and the mountain bandits. Besides, the world believed Roger having a son was a rumor anyway.) doesn’t make his hatred for anyone he meets that unsurprising. For all he knows, they want him dead too.

When Ace meets Luffy, he’s completely baffled that this boy he’s never met before wants to be his friend! How can someone WANT to be his friend? No ones ever been like that to Ace before, except for Sabo. Even after Ace pushes Luffy away, and makes it extremely obvious he hates him and doesn’t want Luffy near him, Luffy doesn’t give up. He’s urgently insistent on being Aces friend.

So…

“You feel better when you’re around me?”

“You need me?”

Ace is almost at a loss for words here. Luffy feels better around him, Luffy needs him. He’s wanted, he’s loved and he’s cared for, someone notices him for more than just a mistake, that is both beautiful and heartbreaking. And back to this panel:

The way ace nervously fidgets with his hands here (I believe he is, anyway) and his head is tilted downwards.. he’s clearly asking something that means everything to him.

“Do you want me to be alive?”

And little Luffy just instantly, without hesitation, says of course is soooo fucking cute and sweet and UGHHHH!!! Luffy is the first person to EVER say he WANTS (fr gotta emphasize on the want) Ace to be alive. This changed the trajectory of Aces life forever.

I guess I’ll stop here but there’s so much more I could talk about and say.. but Ace and Luffy are very special to me

my small babies☹️

[pandora-writes-one-piece]

The Meet Cute - Law's Story - 13

Source for pic

The Great Pretender 13 🔞

Word Count: 4915

Tags For The Whole Story: Fem!Reader; Law is a soft dom; you have bratty tendencies (not all the time); voice kink; praise kink; cursing; very suggestive behaviour and innuendo from the start; sexual tension; teasing; so much flirting; romance; slow-burn; fluff; slight angst; mature audiences (though explicit NSFW moments will be properly tagged on the chapter); possessive Law; protective Law; soft Law; teasing Law; manipulative Doflamingo; inappropriate Doflamingo; fake relationship trope; only one-bed trope; reader has some anxiety issues; reader is a control freak and perfectionist; modern day AU; Mention of ex mentally abusive relationship;

Special Warning: English is not my first language, I apologise for any possible spelling or grammar mistakes.

Summary: After moving away from the hustle and bustle of Grand Line City to help your father around the property following a horse-riding accident - and in the hopes of healing your broken heart after your asshole ex-fiancé cheated - you settle into the country calmness of the Calm Belt. You and Law (your father's doctor) start to build a flirty friendship because of your father’s procedure. So much so that when he’s invited to Baby 5’s wedding (his cousin), he asks you to be his date. His uncle Doflamingo - who is filthy rich - is very adamant on finding a suitable wife for him. Seeing as he wants to avoid that, he asks you to pretend to be his girlfriend for the weekend.

Notes: A little NSFW in the opening of the chapter, okay? And now... the drama begins to unfold... I'm very torn between downright heartbreaking angst and just a little bit of angst for the ending chapters... I'll be giving this a thought in the next days as I try to finish this story before starting work! Thank you for reading! (I swear Tumblr hates me. I cannot add the song right again...)

|Masterlist| | |Chapter 12| | |Chapter 14🔞|

Morning breaks too soon, but you're roused awake by more than just the call of the birds. It's the gentle caress against your bare back that rubs away the sleep, it's the lull of comfort that his scent brings you and the serenity of it all that warms your heart. You're awake, you're alive, and you're in love. 

“Morning.” You whisper softly. “Am I ever going to wake up before you?” You say after a yawn assaults you. 

Law's soft chuckle makes your head move slightly against his bare chest. “Unlikely. I'm a very light sleeper.”

You snuggle closer, stretching your legs before wrapping them again around his, in a limb cocoon. “Yeah, that makes sense. With the hospital calling, right?” He hums against the crown of your head and places a gentle kiss there. The simplicity of the gesture is a stark contrast to the depth of its meaning. A kiss makes you shudder, a gentle caress makes you melt, a gaze completely unravels you. The hold Trafalgar Law has on you is inexplicable, and totally out of your control. Strangely enough, this is the one thing you don't wish to have any control over. 

Love is better when it runs wild and free. Not leashed or caged, as you very well know. 

“Want to tell me what's on your beautiful mind?” He murmurs against your head and you snuggle impossibly closer, your arms wrapping tightly around his torso. 

“Nothing much.”

“I can feel your brain whirling from up here, you know.”

You snort. “Wouldn't put it past you. I was just…” Everything. He wants to know and hear everything you have to say. “I'm so happy, Law.”

His hand reaches down, tucking your chin gently upwards so your eyes meet. The world stops just for you, the perfection of the moment being carved with intricate detail into the confines of your memory. “Me too, sweetheart.” 

With just three words, you know that your feelings towards Law are reciprocated and mirrored, and damn if that isn't the best feeling in the world. But then he presses his lips softly against yours, and maybe this is the best feeling in the world instead. 

As his tongue swipes your lower lip, sucking and pulling at it for a light nibble, you roll your body over his and part your lips to welcome his tongue. His hands lower from your upper back down your spine, settling on your hips and then your thighs as he parts them so you can straddle him. The kiss deepens, and you can feel how hard he already is, pressed against you, but the pressure of his hands on your thighs doesn't let you move a muscle to even think about grinding against him. 

He parts the kiss, and you chase his mouth, clearly not done yet, but he doesn't care for your frustrated groan as he rolls you onto your back and untangles the sheets from your bodies. When his gaze meets yours, he's wearing your favourite unhinged grin. “I believe I still owe you something from last night.” The velvet in his voice sends a shudder down your spine that gathers at your core.

“Owe me?”

His thumb teases your perked nipple as he lays a trail of kisses from your sternum down to your stomach. “I said fingers, tongue, and cock.”

A rush of heat courses through you as his intentions are now clear. 

“I'm still missing one of those.” 

“Law…” You start, but any coherent thought is quickly pushed to the side when his mouth starts to trace and nibble your inner thigh. “Law!” You repeat his name, but now with the fervour of need behind it.

He hovers just above your wet slit, and you exhale a shaky breath. You’re naked since you both fell asleep almost instantly last night, so there’s nothing between his expert tongue and your dripping self. 

“What is it, sweetheart?” His warm breath tingles and ignites. With a heavy sigh, you push your hips down, trying to force contact, but his hands grip your thighs, and he chuckles. “Impatient and needy. You don’t like mornings much, do you?”

Law flicks his tongue and swipes it lazily between your folds, pulling a decadent moan from your parted lips. You don’t care much for mornings, he’s right, but if he decides to wake you up like this, you might just come to love them.

“But I’m still not sure about what you want.” He drawls, nuzzling your clit with his goatee. The harshness of the gesture just makes you sigh out another moan. How is he so devastatingly good at tearing your sanity apart? 

“Your tongue, Law. I need your tongue!” You say between harsh breaths. You’ve learned to just tell him what you want and need these past days. He’s going to pull the words out of you one way or another. 

“And what should I do with my tongue, exactly?” That! Fuck! Law just rolled your clit between his tongue and teeth, and the closeness of pain and pleasure made little black and white dots float in your vision. 

“Fuck me with your tongue, Law, please!” You gasp out, unable to hold back anymore, your body arching, already seeking more pleasure as your fists grip the sheets for some kind of grounding or purchase. 

“That’s my good girl.” You moan loudly as he plunges his tongue inside you, reaching far and then curling it upwards. It’s heavenly and divine, and, at the same time, ungodly and sinful. Just like the man himself.

“Law! Oh, fuck!” Your hand clamps against your mouth, trying to stifle the loud sounds you can’t seem to contain as Law plays with your clit again, his long fingers probing your insides with expertise. 

“Scream my name loud and clear, sweetheart. I want to hear you fall apart, just for me.” 

You’re barely holding on to any sane thought. All you can think about is Law’s tongue, Law’s deep voice, Law’s fingers, Law, Law, Law. He’s everywhere, he’s everything.

“That’s it, I can feel you tightening up just for me, sweetheart. Let it go.”

You cry out his name just as you unravel, a wave of pleasure washing over you, bright and hot and so, so blissful. He doesn’t stop, even as you bury your hands in his hair and clench your thighs around him, mewling and moaning with overstimulation. He pushes a little further, and your legs start to quiver, pain fluttering to another cresting wave of pleasure, like smaller waves following a huge tsunami. 

Your litany of gasps and moans turns into a desperate prayer or curse, you can’t quite tell, as Law’s tongue draws out the last remnants of pleasure from you, until you’re completely drained, with your chest heaving and sweat dampening your skin. 

You're still trying to catch your breath, fingers entwined in Law's dark locks as he stares smugly at you from his perch between your thighs when you hear it. 

Knock, knock. Two light taps on the door. Fuck. Whoever it was definitely heard you moan and cry out Law's name in pleasure. Law grunts, a scowl immediately twisting his lips as he slips on his pyjama pants and drapes the sheet over your naked body. 

“What?” He asks before wiping his mouth against his arm and unlocking the door. From where you're lying, you can make out the tall figure of Doflamingo, and though you can't see the expression on his face, you can bet he's wearing an insufferable smirk. 

“Good morning, nephew.” According to his long drawl, he's definitely smirking and he more than likely heard you. “I'm so sorry to bother you this early. Baby 5 needs your lovely novia to be a bridesmaid, if that's okay. Her friend couldn't make it, and there's a surprise groomsman who can't walk unaccompanied down the aisle, but she’ll explain all the boring details.” His chuckle seems ominous and foreboding. “I was going to drop the dress at the door but… I heard you were awake, so…”

His words linger in the air, and, even though there's no chance he can see you because Law is blocking his vision, you shrink in the bed and blush crimson. You had been very vocal about your pleasure, trusting Cora’s assurance that you have your own wing of the mansion. You just weren't expecting guests this early. You're horrified. 

You see Law leaning in to accept a dress from his uncle’s hands. “Sure, thanks.” Law's voice is clipped but affected. “Bye.” He closes the door, but Doflamingo wedges a foot in so he can't close it completely. 

“I’ve had a tough time waking up today, what with all the partying last night… but it’s no wonder you look so awake, Law. If I had someone cry my name and make all those pretty noises for me, I wouldn't have needed two cups of coffee already.” He purrs softly, his obnoxious laughter lingering in the hallway as you hear Law growl. This is mortifying! Anyone else would pretend they didn't hear anything! But Doffy had to rub it in your face. You sink further into the bed.

“Get lost, Doffy!” Law's voice is a mix of anger and frustration as he pushes the door against his uncle's foot. 

“Oh, come on, nephew, don't take offence by my comment. It was a compliment, you clearly take to my side of the family.” Doflamingo’s laugh echoes down the corridor as he finally removes his foot, allowing Law to close the door, grunting in dissatisfaction before he finds you hiding in an embarrassed ball under the covers. 

Then his frustration simmers into light amusement as he calls your name. “Have you combusted into ash from embarrassment, or will I find you in one piece if I lift these covers?”

You chuckle at his attempt to lighten the mood but don't emerge from your cocoon. “God, Law!” A giggle escapes your lips. “He's terrible!”

You face a pair of amused eyes when Law slowly peels the sheet from over your head. “He just loves to get a rise out of people, he thrives on getting reactions.”

“How am I going to face him later?” You groan, then immediately pout at Law, gently swatting him in the arm. “It's your fault! He wouldn't have heard anything if we were just cuddling innocently.”

Law's smirk sends a spark of need through you, and you swallow hard. “Sweetheart, I'm never going to apologise for making you scream my name again and again. In fact, I encourage it.” He leans over your form and takes your lips in his in a slow, languid kiss. You can still taste the remnants of your arousal on his tongue and that only makes you moan. “Are you up for an encore?”

Your fingers thread through his hair, pulling him down for another kiss, but you groan into him in frustration. “I think my performance was worthy of a Tony. No encore needed. Besides, we need to shower, we have a wedding to attend to.”

Law chases your mouth with his, not letting you go so easily. “The shower works, too. Better acoustics.” Your giggle gets lost in another kiss as he lifts you up and carries you to the bathroom. 

You’ll get to showering, eventually.

-*-

The dress Baby 5 sent you fits almost perfectly, but there’s a note attached to it that says to meet her and the other bridesmaids in her room for a final fitting. The dress is burgundy - a colour you’ve seen throughout all the decorations - and, surprisingly, it actually looks good on you, despite your earlier grimace. It’s tasteful and elegant. 

Law is taking you to Baby 5’s room since you have no idea where it is, and he’s already complimented your appearance twice. 

“Here you are.” He stops in front of a door and smirks. “I can’t stop ogling you, you look perfect.” 

A light blush creeps into your cheeks. “You need to stop that, Law. I’ll become obnoxiously conceited.” He chuckles with you. “Head down to breakfast, I’ll meet you soon.” With a languorous kiss that sends all the butterflies in your stomach into early flight, he leaves you and you enter the bride’s room. 

“Honey, you made it! Oh, the dress looks amazing on you!” Baby 5 is wearing a white silk robe, and her hair is already done, she looks beautiful. After a quick hug, she spins you around, assessing you. “Maybe a little tighter here in the waist? We want the ‘ladies’ to pop up!” She giggles as she refers to your breasts. 

When the seamstress starts to work on your dress, Baby 5 introduces you to the rest of her friends - it’s a party of six, including you - and explains why she needs you.

“You’re a lifesaver, really. My friend had to cancel last week because she got into an accident - she’s fine! But she broke her hip and couldn't come. And then Sai’s groomsman had already cancelled as well - something about a business commitment he had to attend - except yesterday, all of a sudden, he called saying he was free and could attend!”

You keep nodding and moving as the seamstress asks you to, feeling a bit like a dress-up doll. 

“So now I had a groomsman walking the aisle alone! That can’t happen! This has to be a perfect wedding. I was ready to tell Sai that one of the groomsmen needed to already be at the altar when my father suggested I ask you!” 

It was Doflamingo’s suggestion? A chill runs through your spine at the thought. You need to be on alert, then. This could be something else he planned to try and test you.

“Well, I’m really flattered by the invite. And happy to help, you’ve been so welcoming to me.” You’re being truthful, Baby 5 treated you immediately as a friend. 

The seamstress finishes the slight adjustments, and you parade for the bride at her request. She’s dressed in a simple white dress, just for breakfast. She’ll change into her wedding gown after.

“Perfect. You look beautiful. Has my taciturn cousin said so already? Or do I need to bonk him on the head?” You smile and blush a little at her comment. 

“He said it more than once, actually.”

“You two make me gag. You’re so cute!” She laughs. “I saw the photographs on the camera yesterday!” She sighs. “I’m so glad Law found someone who can make him that happy.” Baby 5 grabs your hands. “Thank you. Now, off to breakfast, we can’t delay the schedule.”

-*-

You come down for breakfast that, much like yesterday's brunch, is being served outside. It takes you a minute to find Law, but, as soon as you make eye contact, Doflamingo wanders near you with a wolfish grin. 

“Hello, princesa.” You blush, thinking about what he heard in the morning. “I hope you are well rested.” Your eyebrow shoots up, and he looks to Law, who's approaching you both. “No time for small talk, though, such a shame. Have you told my nephew about Vinsmoke yet? Because you should have done it.” You lock eyes with Doffy's terrifying red gaze. 

You completely forgot to bring that up. Ichiji was the last thing on your mind yesterday, but if Doffy is bringing him up right now... that can only mean…

“Oh well, now it's too late. Hi, Law!” Doffy exclaims just as Law approaches and places his hand on the small of your back, pulling you toward his side. “So glad you're here. Sai’s groomsman has just arrived, and he wants to say hi to you.”

No, no, no, no…

“To me?” Law asks as he scans you over, not missing the erratic breaths leaving your lips or the worried look on your face. Your hand falls limp against his chest, fingers grasping his shirt for support.

“Well, to both of you, actually, being an old friend and all.”

You gasp, your throat constricting as the pounding in your heart increases. A wave of dizziness makes you wobble as you grasp onto Law. It can't be! 

No, no, no, God no. 

“Remember Vinsmoke Ichiji?” Doffy's words are slow and calculated, his gaze lingering on your face. Law looks at you with a raised brow, his grip tightening on your waist since you're clearly not well. 

Your heart drops to your stomach, and it’s so overwhelming that all the blood drains from your face. You can’t stop your eyes from meeting his. He looks as manipulative and imposing as you remember him to be: Tall, dressed in an impeccably tailored suit, fiery red hair coiffed back, and that damn, smug smirk on his lips. You lose strength in your legs again, the air escaping your lips comes in ragged gasps. This cannot be happening. 

“Hello, Doll. Long time no see, you look stunning as ever.”

“Without me, you're useless! Just a pretty face, like a little doll.”

“Be a good Doll for me and be quiet. I have business to take care of.”

“Doll, you don't know better than me! Stop acting like it!”

“Yes, Doll. Don't worry. Tears are just a sign of weakness. We can't all be strong.”

“Doll.”

That damn nickname. You suck in a shaky breath, your body tight with tension. You can barely look away from Ichiji's piercing gaze, too trapped in the awful memories of the past, but you notice Law out of the corner of your eye. 

He looks at you, then at Ichiji, and you can actually see the flicker of recognition when he puts two and two together. Why didn't you tell him earlier? How's he going to react now? 

“Inconvenient as always, Vinsmoke, I see. She's not your ‘doll’.” Law moves his arm from your waist to your shoulders and pulls you closer to him. “She’s my girlfriend.”

What was it? Four months…? Five? Something around that, for sure. Nearly half a year without looking at him, and he still has this strange hold on you. You can barely breathe, it’s as if the world has been tipped off its axis and you’re falling indefinitely. 

“Trafalgar Law… well, she is used to the fine things in life, obviously, she would seek someone who could provide her safety and comfort. I just didn’t think she would downgrade that much.” 

Is he trying to paint you as a gold digger? This has got to be Doflamingo’s work. Law grips your shoulder, and you find your feet. “You wish you were half the man Law is, Ichiji.” You seethe, venom dripping from your words, even though you can feel yourself shaking like a leaf. 

“I love it when you talk back, Doll. It’s so much more satisfying when you finally break.”

“We’re done here.” Law lowers his arm and grabs your hand firmly, turning you both away from the scene as Doffy watches from the sidelines, a glint of amusement behind his tinted glasses. The look Law gives Ichiji before parting is cold and dangerous, and you take pride in seeing Ichiji’s smirk falter slightly before Law guides you away from the scene and into the house.

When you find an empty hallway, your heart starts pounding at an increased pace, the ringing in your ears is unbearable, and you lean against the wall, closing your eyes shut and covering your ears. 

You can make out Law saying something in the background, but you’re trying so hard to keep it together. One… breathe in. Two… breathe out.

Then two strong arms envelop you, and you're pressed against Law’s chest. The next inhale you take smells like home: Law’s cologne and that characteristic ‘doctor scent’ he carries of disinfectant. Pungent, warm, comforting. 

Gradually, you relax your body, your hands finding purchase against Law’s chest as he rubs soothing circles against your back. When your breath normalises, Law lifts your chin so he can look at you, and the care in his eyes almost breaks you again. “Hey, sweetheart, it’s alright. I’m here.”

You nod softly. If it weren’t for Law’s presence, an encounter with Ichiji would’ve triggered a full-blown panic attack. “I’m sorry, Law, I’m so sorry! I meant to tell you who my ex was, but… but… I wasn’t trying to hide it, there’s nothing to hide! I just…”

“Were you scared about how I would react?”

“I was embarrassed…” You sigh, holding his gaze in yours. “I figured you must know Ichiji, and he’s… well, he’s not the most wonderful person in the world… I just… it’s silly, but I was afraid you’d judge my choice.”

Law cups your cheek and smiles softly at you. “I understand why you avoided speaking about him. Hell, how could we know he would show up at my cousin’s wedding?”

“Your uncle came to me yesterday, saying he knew who I was and that, since I had dated Ichiji and now you, it was clear that I was only after money. He realised Ichiji was my ex, so he was definitely the one who brought him into the wedding.” You sigh again and clutch Law’s coat. “I should’ve told you yesterday, but we kept getting interrupted and then…” You blush slightly. “Then we got distracted, and Ichiji was nowhere near my mind.”

Law smirks and leans in, his mouth inches from yours. “Don’t worry about it, sweetheart. I would never judge you, you know that. I know I’ve made poor choices in past relationships. What matters is what we have now. And neither my uncle nor fucking Vinsmoke Ichiji can ruin that.”

“Right.” You agree. 

“Right.” He takes your lips in his, and you sigh into the kiss. Just his touch is enough to calm the rest of your fears. “I got you.”

“I know.”

“I’ll speak with Baby 5 about you walking the aisle. There’s no need for you to accompany him.” That’s right! Realisation strikes you suddenly. He is probably the groomsman who had cancelled and showed up last-minute, and since you’re filling in for the bridesmaid, you’re the one supposed to accompany him.

“I…” You start, almost agreeing to Law’s suggestion. But then you remember Baby 5’s words and how excited she was about having the perfect wedding. She’s been so kind to you and welcoming. You don’t want to ruin her perfect day. “I can do it. I don’t want to ruin her day, Law. It’s just a walk.”

You’re trying to convince yourself more than you’re trying to convince him. And he immediately picks up on your uneasiness as his brow rises and that crease in his forehead makes its appearance. 

“You don’t have to do it.” The caress he lays on your cheek is gentle. “I’m the one who brought you to this wedding, your encounter with Ichiji is partially my fault. I really don’t want to put you through this if I can avoid it.”

His hand feels warm as you take it in yours with a - hopefully - encouraging smile. “Even if I could go back and do it all over again, knowing I would have to encounter Ichiji, I wouldn’t change a thing, Law. The time with you, our connection… I wouldn’t change it.”

The look of pure warmth he shows you is enough to set the kaleidoscope of butterflies that live in your stomach aflutter again. Will there ever be a time when you can tame them down? 

“I got this, Law. I do. I need to overcome my anxiety. Ichiji can’t hurt me anymore.” You try to sound sure, but just thinking about the task ahead churns your stomach in a very wrong way, nothing like the butterflies of earlier. 

“Are you sure?” He asks, a little skeptical, and you can see a flicker of something else in his eyes. From the way he’s gripping you, you’d risk it being just about him being overly protective. But you nod, and he sighs. “Okay, then. You know I trust you can do this. If you need support, keep your eyes on me. I’ll be there for you.”

You nod again in a reassuring way. It’s comforting to know he’ll always be there for you. 

-*-

You had breakfast with Law but barely ate, your stomach twisting and turning with uneasiness, even though Law kept trying to lighten the mood, to bring you out of your self-imposed funk. But you just wanted to get this ‘walking down the aisle’ business out of your mind. Besides, it was completely unfair for Law to be this worried about you. 

“Are you sure?” He asks you again at the door to Baby 5’s room, where you’re going to help her with the final preparations before you all go down to the tents. Law's voice is back to being cool and clipped, and the creasing between his brows has intensified. 

“I'll be alright, Law. It's just a walk. And you'll be there.”

He kisses your temple and caresses your cheek with his thumb. “Damn right, I will.”

You smile at him, and he parts with a lingering kiss on the lips. Damn, how are you supposed to last the rest of the day without proclaiming your love to him? 

“See you soon, sweetheart.” 

As you enter Baby 5’s room, you feel all the dread returning and weighing heavily on your chest. You can do this. It’s just a walk. 

Around half an hour later, the bridesmaids and the groomsmen are gathering outside the tent. There’s a pop song playing in the background, and your heart seems to be pounding at the same rhythm as the frenzied electronic tempo. The wedding planner asks the bridesmaids and the respective groomsmen to get into position, and the song turns to a slower one. 

“I know I've said it before, Doll, but you do look stunning.” You keep your eyes trained forward and focus on evening out your breaths. “But then again, you always did. Remember the dresses I used to buy for you? You left them all at our house.” 

Closing your eyes, you will your heart to beat normally. Slowly, regularly. Law. You need to focus on Law. 

Ichiji takes a step closer to you, and the scent of his cologne starts a spiral of bad memories. They all rush so hard and fast that you get dizzy and wobble on your feet. He reaches out and steadies your arm, his touch burning and searing through your bare flesh. 

With a hiss, you pull back your arm, silently thanking the wedding gods for placing you at the end of the entourage. “Touch me again, Ichiji, and I swear to God I will stab your hand with the cake knife.”

There. It sounded so cold and threatening that Law would be proud. But Ichiji just lets out an icy chuckle. 

“Feisty. There's the fire that made my loins burn.” His whisper is hot against your ear, and you will your eyes to remain glued to the first bridesmaid. She just entered the tent. “The fire that burned so hot until I tamed it down. Remember?”

“Leave me the fuck alone, Ichiji. We're done. The only reason I'm next to you is because I like and respect Baby 5. Otherwise, I would be nowhere near you.”

Another couple down the aisle. Almost there. Almost. 

“There are so many things you can't do by yourself, you need me. Trafalgar can't give you what I can.”

Third couple down the aisle. Almost, almost. You grit your teeth, refusing to answer more of his taunts. 

“You can't tell me that Trafalgar is better than me, right, Doll?”

Nope. Can't take it. 

“He is a hundred times better than you could ever aspire to be! He is kind, honest, good–...”

“That’s bullshit. You don’t need kind, Doll, you need firm, strong–..”

“Shut up, Ichiji. You never knew what I needed, never even made an effort to learn. We are done. I don’t want to speak with you anymore. Leave me alone!”

The fourth couple enters the tent, and sweat begins dampening your forehead. You can feel your heartbeat skyrocketing and your pulse quickening. One… breathe in. Two… breathe out.

“I’m willing to learn. I’ve changed.” As if! Three… breathe in. Four… breathe out. “I can’t stand to see you with someone else. When Donquixote called me and said you were dating his nephew… I trembled with rage.”

So it had been Doflamingo! Five… breathe in. Six… breathe out. Has the sun somehow turned brighter? Focus! You have to focus. Fifth couple in, you’re next. Seven… breathe in. Eight… breathe out. 

“You were mine once. You can be mine again.”

“Alright, cue. It’s your turn, go!” The wedding planner speaks to you and Ichiji. Nine… breathe in. Ten… breathe out. The tent flap opens up, and you immediately find Law. His eyes are already glued to yours, and as you let out a loud sigh, your heart rate resumes at a slower, more regular pace. 

Ichiji extends his arm for you to take, and you take another last inhale before giving him a look full of fire and fury. “You might’ve had my body, and you might’ve controlled me, but you never had all of me, and you never will. I will never be yours, Ichiji.”

You refuse his extended arm and start to walk down the aisle in time with the song, as per Baby 5’s request. Locking eyes with Law, you block everything around you. There’s only you and him. 

And nothing else matters.

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|Chapter 14🔞|