#its an incredibly sad and fucked up situation

[tunedtostatic]

[Additional Image Description: On a grey background, there are five small black line art illustrations lined up across the center. The first is a sword with a hooked blade pointing upwards, the second is a hand with magic curling up out of it, the center is a castle with wavy lines extending from it into a dark sky, the third is a beaker with steam curling up from it, and the last is a shortsword pointing downwards. The sword has a few dark red shading lines. In the lower right corner of the fanmix cover is the title, "heart of my own," in dark red medieval calligraphy font. End Additional Image Description.]

HEART OF MY OWN - A FANMIX FOR CASSANDRA DE ROLO IN THE TIME OF THE BRIARWOODS

Overgrown - machineheart // Edge of the World - Within Temptation // Ashes and Rust - Wynnie Stone // Take Me Home - The Paper Kites, Nadia Reid // Nobody (Live) - The Crane Wives // The Tangled Tree - Josienne Clarke and Ben Walker // Heart Of My Own - Basia Bulat // Don't She Run - I Draw Slow // Murder City - Abigail Lapell // Until the Fire - Ladytron // Control - Halsey // Lament - Mount Moriah // Catch the Light - Haroula Rose

Fanmix on YouTube

Fanmix on Spotify

[angstflavoured]

shakes my hands above my head and paces around the room im so sick of everyone acting like ford is a dumb stupid idiot baby who was completely tricked by bill and did nothing wrong. yes he was lied to and bill was abusive, but theres so much more to everything that happened. ford was soooo incredibly willfully ignorant and pushed other important people in his life away, YES bc bill tricked him, but mostly because he wanted to be important. he was actively ignoring red flags from bill and hurting the people around him and was complicit in so much stuff bill did just because he wanted it to be true that bill picked him bc he was special. ford was the one who summoned him in the first place, but then bill just??? told him that he picked ford bc he was special which makes no sense and ford is smarter than that, but he didnt care bc wowwwww he picked me bc im so awesme and smarter and better than everyone!!! he was fucking HEAD OVER HEELLLSSS OBSESSED WITH BILL BTW THAT SHIT WAS NOT ONE SIDED!!! idk why everyone pretends it was. he was building shrines and worshiping him like a god. and never questioned him for a second????? like girl he is the most scientific, curious man in the world and he never once thought bill was lying. he let bill into his life and let him take it over sooo fucking quickly. and he didnt tell anyone bc "they would throw him in a loony bin" ?????? THATS OBVIOUSLY NOT WHY HE DIDNT TELL FIDDLEFORD. he was LYIIINNGG. They were building an interdimensional portal, fiddleford obviously wouldve believed ford and taken him seriously and kept a secret for him. he didnt tell fiddleford bc he was one of the only people in fords life who saw through his bullshit. hes nice, but he stands his ground. as soon as things got too hot, he left. and ford knew that if he told fiddleford about bill that he would immediately be like "dudddeee this is so fucking sketchy you need to research this guy theres obviously smthn else happening." if ford looked into the runes and the messages in the caves, hed probably deduce pretty damn quickly that bill was evil!! but he didnt bc hes selfish and self righteous and wanted to be a part of soemthing bigger than himself. thats literally all he ever wanted. I think the most interesting thing about TBOB is that it shows that it wasnt as black and white as it seemed and that ford wasnt the perfect victim. its shown in the show sooo much how fucked up his morals are. and im not saying this with malice, i fucking love ford and his character so much, i just think so many people act like billford was like a fucking domestic abuse situation where ford was just sad and pathetic and helpless. its so much more complicated than that. ford is not a super great guy and thats such an interesting part of his character. IDK.

[royalarchivist]

Phil briefly talks about QSMP, the admin situation, Quackity, the new team, and the harassment both Quackity and the admins have been receiving.

Please listen to the clip and read the transcript in its entirety. Keep in mind that things can easily be taken out of context (even this clip, though I did try to include everything he said).

If you'd like to see the full unedited conversation, Phil started talking about last week's interactions with YD and Bad ~1h 57m into today's VOD, which led into this conversation about QSMP.

[ Complete Transcript ↓ ]

—

Phil: Yeah, she's great. Another- another reason why QSMP is just like... fuckin' incredible. That was like, not even ever going to happen without QSMP. Like, obviously it's had its problems, it's go– it's had its problems. Those problems are being rectified. All the people that were wrong'uns have been fired [Laughs] And Quackity's put a new team together. So like, I'm so happy that I'm like– that Q is doing everything he can right now to make it like, right.

But I am still just sad that Chayanne and Tallulah are just asleep, that is just making me real sad. So I've been like, logging on whenever I can to just like, hang out and stuff and just, you know, be around. But I am- I am just sad boy now. [Laughs] I've like– throwing all those penguins into the- the Spawn area was like, my limit. And the like, laughing with YD and Bad kind of cheered me up a bit.

But yeah, I'm sure most of you can agree. It's like, once- once you've been making content on a server a certain way, it's- it's been like, 6 - 8 months of like, the same like type of content I've been making on that server. It's been very lore-heavy, it's been very Egg hanging out with the Eggs and just chilling. Like, not even like doing anything crazy. We would just hang out. But yeah, I'm sure everyone's in the same boat. Like, we all just like, miss that, you know?

So... just gotta wait around. Just gotta wait. Wait for things to get better. Trust in Big Q.

But yeah, moments- moments like the other day, Chat, where me, Bad, and YD were just hanging out just like kind of... you know, it just kind of like... What's the word I'm looking for? Like, drills home how important the QSMP is and can be for connecting people. Not just now, but in the future. And like, that- I feel like that is something that's definitely worth protecting, or something that's worth like, seeing happen in the future with other people. Not even thinking about like, if I'm gonna be interacting with anyone like, thinking about like other people interacting with other people in the future. It's fucking- It's so cool.

Like, imagine seeing like, brand new streamers that you might've not have heard of interacting with people that you know right now. Not necessarily me or people that I know, but like– like, the connections that we've all made.

Dude, Me and Kristin went to fuckin' Switzer-France to hang out with these people! [Laughs] Cellbit and Lore traveled from fucking Brazil to Switzer-France to hang out! The- these connections are like, mental. Just never would have happened without the server, and that's definitely something worth protecting. And like, ensuring it is done the correct way in the future.

That means a lot to us Chat, it does– [Briefly responds to Chat] It means a lot to us and like, obviously the admins being well-taken care of is like, at the fore-front.

And Quackity speaks very highly of this new team. He's like- he's chatted to us like, in calls and stuff. He's been keeping us up to date on everything that's been going on behind the scenes, everything that he can tell us anyways. And like, he is very happy with this new team. He pretty much said that they are like, very passionate about the project, and we can like, trust that he trusts them to do a very good job. So...

Yeah, I'm excited but like, we just have to kind of like, wait. Like, there's a lot being changed around, there's a lot of plans. But the good thing to know is that the people that caused harm have been removed. And now the people that are like, in charge are like, very passionate about the project and just want to see everyone happy and succeed and be taken care of. But these things take time. So we just have to hang about, we have to wait.

[Responding to someone asking about what happened with QSMP and the Admin situation] I'm not going to go into too much detail, you can find out exactly what has gone on, and it's not as simple as black and white. It's- there's a lot of gray areas in there, and it's like very complicated, so you can go look it up yourself, but ultimately, all you need to know is that the initial admin team, the like, head people at the top that Quackity put in charge like ages ago when the server first started were making decisions that were like, not good for the health and also the well-being of the actors, and like, admins and like, the staff. So like, some staff were fine, other staff had a shit fucking time, and it was unfair and terrible and went unnoticed for a while, and then it all came out and Quackity's been like, fixing it since.

Most recently, he stepped down from the team because of like, how serious shit was getting. Like, people online have been fucking awful. And it's very dangerous at the minute for like the ex- like, members of the team, and also him. It's like- it's terrible.

So it's very heated, very– it's– again— and it's not as simple as just like "This- this is– this is right, this is wrong." It's like- it's very- there's a lot of muddled areas, and it's not as easy as just saying "This is exactly what happened." I'm summarizing. I'm literally just summarizing. But all you need to know right now, the latest update is that the team that are in charge are very passionate about the projects and are like, much, much better and will take care of the new people and the admins and all the actors and stuff a lot better than the last fucking team because the initial problem was that Quackity kind of like, took a bit more of a step back and he wasn't like, overseeing every single thing that was going on behind the scenes, but now he's had to- he's had to take a step back, he's been forced to take a step back, but he's left it in the hands of a team that he truly trusts this time. Like, he's actually fully-vetted.

So HOPEFULLY– again: there's more things that need to be done behind the scenes, and I'm not an official spokesperson, I'm just a person playing on the fucking server that my friend has made, and I'm very happy to support him, and I trust that he will do and continue to do the right thing.

But yeah. Not as simple as just [Snaps fingers] "This is this." It's like– there's so much fucking like, middle ground and shit that's gone on. And that's all I'm gonna say on it! 'Cuz otherwise it's just gonna go on and on and on, and people are gonna be like, "What do you know?" and be like "I don't know shit!" And the stuff that I do know, I probably can't talk about right now. There's like, certain things that like, can't be said, for legal reasons and stuff.

[stump-not-found]

you mentioned once before how you think ford makes bill worse... do you mind explaing how/genq (this is NOT an attack in any form or way! youer characterisations of bill and ford have been ON POINT every chapter that gets realsed and every comic you draw... im really curious as to how ford makes bill worse to understand it too)

i unfortunately do not remember saying this ! i say a lot of things with my mouth

i do think those two are like an emotional feedback loop . kind of got crabs in a bucket vibes, if the crabs were stabbing each other, and the bucket was also stabbing the crabs . at first it was fun but then one crab said "i don't want to stab anymore" and the other one went "FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU" . like you do . im prolly gonna ramble a bit so shoving it under the readmore lol

hrmmm if i had to guess it's probably just the fact that ford is not a great dude . and he genuinely just likes bill's attitude and behaviors, even the nasty stuff . because it's really gratifying to be around someone who sees your hard edges, and instead of being repelled by that they're like . fuck yeah . then you both just feed into that infinitely and giggle for ever lalala . it's not even like ford broke the cycle willingly he just got his feelings hurt about bill lying and bill decided to blow his entire shit up because he's just a sad, pathetic coward . will do anything to protect his stupid ego even if it means ruining everything all the time constantly . sure you could have gotten everything u ever wanted but that would have required you looking even a lil vulnerable so honestly man you honestly should just blow up your office building tbqh

also i genuinely don't know that bill has had many people in his life that actually like him so i gotta believe ford was like the worst drug known to man: validation

all this being said i'm not really someone who likes to think of any one person as like . bad or evil . it's reductive and boring, for both bill and ford . bill's definitely worse but he's also not human ?? not that that really matters because humans do some incredibly heinous shit . there's not a one-sized-fits-all moral answer here . also bill's just silly he's just a silly guy

so yah if ford makes bill worse its probably just that he's the one guy who's gonna hear bill say "just don't call me late for dinner" and actually laugh for real at that joke . and then also goes into a whole worship kink which i cannot imagine helped the bill situation at all . like idk what i would do if i met the literal smartest guy in the world & he built me a basement shrine with little to no prompting just because i gave him an epic blowjob . i think i would also go insane

well actually no i would hate that . personally . but i'm not a triangle . maybe being a triangle makes that like . normal and fun who knows

[f1daydreamers]

𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐁𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐫𝐬 [𝐓𝐀𝟔𝟔] 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟒

gif credits: @trenty

Pairing: Trent Alexander-Arnold x Fem!Reader

Summary: Arne, in hopes to focus on his team’s mental health as much as their physical, recruits a younger but just as educated psychologist to work one-to-one with the more reserved players. Trent is one of them.

A/N: I have so many ideas for this series but I can't get too carried away otherwise its gonna end up longer than a book lmaooo, also super random but this idea came to me from rewatching Trent and Robbo’s wingmen episodes and in one of them he goes, “team bonding!” verryyy heavily in his Scouse accent lol

Warnings: fluff, mentions of being overworked but nothing too harsh, general stress, this is a cute one ok ur welcome

Word Count: 2.7k words (10 mins reading avg)

...

“Why you so sour for?”

You glanced up to see your sister plopping on to the sofa, grabbing the TV remote off of the glass table situated in front of you. Her expression was curious, eyebrows raised in an exaggerated arc. You’d forgotten you’d even put a movie on.

Closing your laptop, you ran your palm over the cool steel surface.

“No reason. It’s nearly time to go to bed, what are you doing?” You watched as she navigated the TV menu, opening the ITV app and clicking on Love Island.

You rolled your eyes. “Don’t tell me you like that stuff.”

She smirked, not taking her eyes off the screen as the latest episode began to play. “No one likes it, it’s just funny as fuck.”

“Hey, why do we need to swear?”

“For expression,” she replied with a shrug, as if that was a valid reason.

“Express yourself in other ways.”

“Like what?” She challenged, finally looking at you.

You paused, a little stumped. “The world is your oyster, go and find some.”

She snorted, clearly unimpressed with your wisdom. You hoisted yourself off of the couch, tucking your laptop back into your work bag and zipping it up.

Kaia paused the show, turning so her knees were on the sofa, looking over the backrest to see you better. “Fine, but that doesn’t answer why you’re in such a mood.”

“It’s just work,” you admitted, leaning against the counter. Your eyes traced the outlines of your sister’s old drawings hung on the wall. “A lot more pressure than I’m used to.”

Her eyes lit up with youthful curiosity. “How’s the job going? Met any really fit guys yet?”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Is that all you care about?”

“It’s important! C’mon, spill,” she insisted, leaning forward.

You sighed, but a small smile tugged at your lips. “The job is good. Stressful, but good. As for fit guys.. there's.. I don’t know, a few? I’m there to work, not flirt.”

“Sure, sure,” she teased.

You chuckled, tossing a freshly washed blanket you’d just pulled out of the dryer at her. “Oo, thanks,” she said, catching it with a grin.

You rolled your eyes as she sprawled out on the couch, the music of the show coming to life once again.

You pulled the rest of the sheets from the dryer, shoving them into the laundry basket to fold in the morning. As you wiped down the counters and finished the dishes in the sink, your mind wandered again.

Arne, Lee, and the club had all been incredibly supportive since your arrival, but the internal pressure you’d carried from university - to be the best, to never fail - was fading. Wataru, Conor, and Curtis were all doing great.

From your reports, you were instructed to make Trent the priority, at least to gather enough information for a new evaluation.

But how could you do that with a player who seemingly wanted nothing to do with you?

“Y/N?” Your sister’s soft voice calling your name pulled you out of your trance.

“Yeah?” You replied, turning to face the back of the couch.

The show paused again. A beat of silence hung in the air.

“No one’s giving you a hard time, are they?” She asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Your eyebrows furrowed as you frowned, “of course not. Why would you think that?”

“We’re pretty notorious for being hated.” Sadness poked through the tone in her voice.

“Nobody hates us, Kaia. And no one is giving me a hard time at work, I promise.” You tried to sound reassuring. She was a kid and she meant well, of course she did, but she didn’t need to know the full truth. She was your sister, not a therapist.

“Okay. Cause you do know I’ll fuck ‘em up, right?”

You scoffed, shaking your head in amusement. She picked her head up to let you sit then rested it in your lap. You pulled her hairs away from her face, combing them back with your fingers.

“With your swears?” You teased.

“I got a mean punch."

“Which I hope isn’t being put to use, thank you very much.”

“I’m an angel, really.” Which she tried to pull off in an innocent way that really didn’t suit her.

“Mhm,” you hummed, sceptical but smiling.

She chuckled, turning her head to face the TV again.

“Come on, let’s watch this shit show.” You said playfully.

“I thought you said no swearing.” She retorted matter-of-factly.

“That rule doesn't apply to 25 and above people.”

“Let me guess, when you turn 26, that rule’s gonna be extended by a year?” Kaia asked, her lips curling upwards.

“Precisely.” You smiled down at her as she rolled her eyes, playing the show.

Your smile faltered almost immediately. You subconsciously continued smoothing over Kaia’s hair, but your mind was plagued with thoughts about work, and as much as you didn’t want to admit it, about him.

...

The first two matches of Liverpool’s season had come and gone in a flash. But, despite in how much of a blur it passed, the level of work every day only surmounted the work of the days before.

But you could take it. If you couldn’t handle psychology, you’d probably be useless at everything else.

The new week began, and the first thing you spotted in the mountain of emails was an update. Your cabinet for the office had arrived, courtesy of the club, who were happy to cover the costs once you'd submitted your request.

You swivelled your chair to face the desk phone, dialling reception downstairs. The phone rang twice before Annika's cheerful voice answered.

"Hello," she said brightly.

"Hey, it's Y/N from upstairs. I got an email saying my cabinet had arrived. Am I okay to collect it now?" You asked, glancing around your office and imagining where the new cabinet would go.

"Oh, don't worry," Annika replied with a smile in her voice. "We'll send someone up to drop it off for you."

"Really? It's honestly no bother," you said, feeling a bit guilty about causing extra work.

"No, I insist. They’ll be up shortly," she reassured you.

"Thank you, I appreciate that," you said, a note of relief in your voice.

"No worries!" Annika chirped.

You hung up the phone, feeling a bit lighter. Come to think of it, you really didn’t fancy carrying a ton of weight up the stairs and potentially embarrassing yourself to any bystanders.

Once you’d gone through your emails, creating your to-do list for the day, you patiently waited for your cabinet to come.

But it didn’t.

You tried to put it to the back of your mind, focusing on ticking off the first two items on your list before your first session. Yet, even as you checked them off, you found yourself glancing at the door, expecting the cabinet to arrive at any moment.

An hour passed, then another, and still no sign of the delivery. The anticipation was starting to wear on you.

You glanced at the clock situated on your desk, wondering if you’d be able to make it back in time for your session with Conor.

But just as you were ready to leave, there was a knock on your door. You walked over to open it, expecting only the Irishman. There he was, but also holding a large brown box with an outline of your cabinet on the front.

“Uh-” You couldn’t register what was happening.

“Mind if we come in? Don't fancy holding this all day.”

We.

You realised you hadn’t responded as Trent lifted his head to stare at you.

“Yeah, yeah. Sorry.” You opened the door, standing off to the side. You allowed them to come in and they placed the box upright against the wall.

"Annika mentioned she'd send someone up, I didn't think she meant the players." Conor chuckled, motioning to his trusted helper.

"Yeah, well, Brian was going to bring it up but he got busy so reception asked if we could help. We were coming up anyways," he explained.

“Oh. Thank you, I really appreciate it,” you said, your voice carrying a hint of genuine gratitude. You glanced at Trent, and a heavy silence ensued.

“Yeah, whatever,” Trent muttered, his tone dripping with indifference, leaving almost immediately. You let out a quiet sigh, your shoulders slumping ever so slightly.

Conor, who had been observing the exchange with a wry smile, exhaled through his nose in mild amusement.

“He’s warming up to you,” he retorted, his voice dripping with sarcasm. You rolled your eyes, trying to hide a smirk.

“Aw, you really think so?”

“Sure,” he replied with a grin.

“Sit down,” you said, gesturing to the chairs. You both laughed softly as you walked over to shut the door.

Yet, an unsettling frustration gnawed at you from within. Trent had always been distant, but after weeks of being here, he still showed no signs of letting his guard down. You were no stranger to the challenges of being a psychologist, it's not like this was your first job.

But in the past few days, self-doubt had crept in. You wondered if you were even fit for it; maybe the pressures of working for one of the most prestigious football clubs in the country were finally catching up to you and kicking you in the ass.

You shook your head, feigning a smile as you returned to your desk, starting your session.

...

“Is this upside down?” You muttered to yourself, flipping the instructions around again.

What use were instructions if they had no text under them?

You debated calling your dad, but the lecture you’d receive about the hours of manual labour he used to put you through every time a new piece of furniture arrived at the house was not worth it.

“Okay. Wood, screws, knob, cabinet. Perfect.” It was only a small one, so you weren’t worried about the height of it per se, just worried about everything else.

You slumped onto the floor, surrounded by longer and shorter pieces of wood with a bag of screws and one handy screwdriver that you were currently twirling between your fingers.

Just as you were about to try again, a voice broke through your concentration.

“What are you doing?”

You gasped, your hand instinctively going to your chest as the paper floated to the ground.

“Oh my God,” you exclaimed, breathless and startled. “Can you knock next time?”

“I did knock,” Trent replied, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“Did you?” Your eyebrows furrowed as you tried to recall when you heard a knock reverberate through your office.

“No.” He admitted.

You huffed, feeling a mix of annoyance and embarrassment at falling for his joke.

“Funny.” You mumbled, shaking your head.

To your surprise, he plopped onto the sofa situated by the side of the wall, near the door. Your eyebrows raised slightly.

Trent, sitting on your sofa, in your office, willingly? This was new. Only today, you were doubting yourself if you’d ever be able to get through to him and yet here he was.

You didn’t want to overanalyse the situation but it was hard to ignore the significance of it. Maybe he was finally starting to let his guard down, even if just a little.

There was a strange combination of nervousness and relief running riot inside of you.

Rather than drawing attention to it, you chose to stay focused on the task at hand, wary of saying anything that might reinforce his emotional walls.

“I’m trying to build a cabinet, if you must know.” You didn’t want to sound as annoyed as you were - not necessarily by the man you were conversing with, but more so by the wooden contraption that was puzzling you to your core.

He peered over the armrest, then slowly returned to his original position. “Making a lot of progress, it seems.”

“How nice of you to state the obvious,” you replied calmly, but your mind was racing.

“It’s late, how come you’re still here?” You asked, trying to make conversation. He just shrugged, pulling out his phone from his trouser pocket.

You gave a half-smile. Even if he wasn’t in the mood for conversation, he was still here, and that’s what mattered to you.

Ten, fifteen, twenty minutes passed by, and you were officially ready to give up. Resting your head against your desk, still seated on the floor, you were on the verge of admitting defeat and calling your dad.

Your attention was diverted by a soft creak from the sofa frame. Trent stood up, and you looked up at him, squinting as the ceiling light shone brightly.

“You heading out?” You asked, your voice tinged with resignation.

He took a small step to the right, blocking the light from hitting your eyes. He glanced around, as if debating something.

His mouth parted slightly.

“Move over.”

What?

“Huh?” you said, bewildered.

He tucked his bottom lip between his teeth, motioning to the pile of wood still stacked in various directions. “Move.”

“Why?”

“Why do you think?” He replied blandly, yet still entertaining your conversation. A few weeks ago, he would’ve murdered you.

You glanced down at your cabinet, which was rather resembling modern art, then back up at him.

“Are you suggesting women can’t build things?” You asked, raising an eyebrow.

He tilted his head downward, shoving his phone back into his pocket. “Women can. It’s just you that can’t. Wanna disagree?”

Your pressed your bottom lip up to your top, as if you were actually considering the idea. “I’d love to argue, but you’re lucky I’m too tired right now. Maybe come back tomorrow and we can pick up where we left off.”

“Move over or I’m leaving,” he said, a touch more firmly.

“Okay, okay. Sorry.” You chuckled.

You scooted over, making room for Trent to sit beside you. He settled on the floor, crossing his legs. There was a fair amount of distance between you.

You found yourself stealing glances at him as he took a look at the instructions a few times, feeling a mix of relief and gratitude for his unexpected help.

His presence was a welcome distraction.

You couldn’t deny you were entirely useless as he separated the pieces, lining them up to get a full look at everything, ensuring nothing was absent.

“Screwdriver?” He asked for quietly and you cast a quick look around, spotting it underneath a plank of wood.

“Here.” His fingers brushed yours as he took it from you, a touch that you were acutely aware of but one he didn’t seem to think twice about.

Whenever your knees brushed while adjusting the cabinet or while holding it in place, you could feel the warmth of his proximity, which only heightened your perception of him.

After some time, the cabinet stood completed. You couldn’t help but smile proudly at the result.

Trent glanced at your beaming face and quickly looked away, as if unsure how to react. The fleeting moments of physical contact had created a soft tension in the air.

You tilted your head, deciding to tease him while you still had the chance. “Does it look a bit bent or is it just me?”

He barely looked at the cabinet, already ready to fire a response back. “It’s just you.”

You scoffed, your eyes meeting as he extended the screwdriver back toward you. You swallowed as you took it, another brush of hands.

It was brief and unexpected but he too registered it this time. He briefly tensed but stood up quickly after.

You just about scrambled to your feet after him, placing your screwdriver on your desk.

Before he could leave, you called out, “thank you.”

He turned to give you a simple nod, brushing off your gratitude.

“I mean it. Not just for building this,” you gestured toward the cabinet, “but for being here. I’m always happy to see you.”

A silence befell you both, but it didn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable as it had before.

“If you don’t mind my asking, how come you came here?”

He thought about his answer for a second, wanting to correctly word it.

“Saw you struggling through the door. Thought you were finally having a heart attack or something.”

You paused for a second, slowly nodding your head. “Couldn’t miss it, huh?”

At that, Trent’s lips curved into a genuine smile as he looked away from your eyes, the first smile you’d seen from him that was actually for you.

It was a subtle, upward curl, softening his usually serious expression.

You mirrored his smile, it was hard not to. Perhaps you’d leaned forward, or your shoulders had finally relaxed, but you weren’t focused on the specifics.

“See you round, psychologist.”

You hummed, afraid that even if you opened your mouth, nothing would come out.

You watched him walk away, your eyes falling to the cabinet against the wall.

Seeing him smile, just smile at you, was a moment you wouldn’t forget so soon. It was as if a dam had burst, releasing a flood of relief and hope you’d nearly given up on.

But before you could think about it further, your phone buzzed. It was Kaia, asking when you’d be home.

You hadn’t even realised what time it was.

“Shit.”

…

Part 5

Masterlist

Comment below if you want to be part of the taglist! Once you are part of it, you'll be reminded for every part of the series until its completion!

Taglist: @trentwife @bluebreadenthusiast @julovesurmom @blubsberries @remmysthings @heyjudeb @keepitabuckxx @vivi-grace @hoddystark @hiireadstuff @trentione @missusstark @iamasimpingh0e @xxxstormyninixxx @lolawwww22 @myloveisforbellingham @purpleniight @bffrwme

[rhemaji]

Lil rant abt Caine

Caine is just a lil guy, despite it all. From a design standpoint I thought I was gonna absolutely fucking hate looking at him because those chattering teeth toys make my skin crawl- but the art direction really helps make him look more appealing and whimsical than a disembodied pair of talking dentures sounds on paper.

The thing with Caine is I didn't initially like him that much after the pilot. While his interactions with Bubble were quite funny, that one episode left me feeling like he'd just end up being kinda one note or at the very least one note in a way that'd get on my nerves. Then everything changed when Pomni Wake Up Time to Go On an Adventure! attacked

The comedic timing throughout that announcement video was so fucking funny and thanks to his line deliveries and animation/model [?] upgrades- CAINE LOOKED AND SOUNDED SO ADORABLE!!

Legit it wasn't until this came out that I realized I actually could be on board with Caine as a character and it's been uphill from there. Episode 2 was better than the pilot not only comedically and visually but also in terms of showcasing just how actually unsettling Caine can be as an antagonist. Not because he's vengeful or malicious, but because he's so oblivious to how people work. His mind's always buzzing with terrible ideas and he's so so eager about these adventures, but at the end of the day he really really doesn't get the circus crew. Try as he might to include them, keep them engaged [ZOOBLE WAIT!], or even give them what they want [Exit doors] he doesn't realize how traumatic and distressing their current situation can be. The very nature of being trapped in a digital world is bad enough but it's especially rough here bc not only does its god have limited capabilities, you also are very well acquainted with him, and he can't fully understand your pain nor can he truly save you from it. He won't mourn your abstraction. He will not attend your funeral. He will not understand the distress of your arrival, nor the weight of your departure.

This isn't just sad from the pov of the circus gang, it's also very sad for Caine- not because i think he'll ever feel sad about it himself necessarily, but instead because the situation is sad. New members appear over and over, you craft adventures and games and distractions like [i'm assuming] they'd asked you to, but over and over, one by one, they abstract. They stop laughing at your jokes. They don't like you. They want you to leave them alone. It's confusing and maybe even inconvenient.

Where I'm hoping the series takes Caine is that this dissonance between Caine's intentions and the distress of the circus gang gets worse and worse and worse until something's got to give. I'm hoping that maybe at some point a character will try to sit down and talk with him and for it to either sorta get through to him but completely backfire in some form because he misinterprets what the others want from him OR i'd also be down for him to listen, but not understand any of it and proceed as tho nothing happened. I don't want Caine to come around really, it'd be interesting to see how Goose would go about having him come around to being a better host that empathizes more with humans, but personally I do prefer him to keep on keepin' on being this oblivious and eager antagonist.

My favorite Caine lines/line deliveries so far:

"You, my friend, stumbled into an incredible world of wonders, where anything can happen!…e-except for swearing."

"And here we have THE GROUNDS! Drown yourself in the digital lake, or engage in ridery at the digital carnival!"

"What do you think of XDDCC? You're right, terrible, LET'S TRY THAT AGAIN!"

"Kaufmo abstracted? Why didn't anybody tell me?"

"Bubble you can't say that"

"-ZOOBLE WAIT!"

"Why are you all just standing there?! The- The Canyon- C-Candy Canyon Kingdom needs you now!" [according to his VA, this was an actual line flub but hoo boy am i glad they use it bc it's hilarious]

"I know you guys love your NPCs, but if I start losing track of who's a human and who's an NPC, who knows...what. could. happen..."

That last line there specifically surprised me the most because up until he said that I was under the impression Caine was linked to every single NPC. I even thought he could see through their eyes if he so chose thanks to his "hundreds of all seeing eyes" line in the pilot. Him saying this here implies lots of things. Has Caine forgotten before? Is someone in the circus secretly an NPC ooooooooh~

"Who knows what could happen..."

Honestly, when Caine first said this I did immediately theorize Jax as being an NPC but now that it's been *checks calendar* three months since I watched episode 2, I don't think this is the case anymore. Jax being an NPC would be...something. Jax not knowing he's an NPC would be interesting [i like it when ppl's realities get shattered], but honestly I think this line was a way to telegraph to the audience that no Caine isn't actually all knowing. He didn't know Gummigoo was coming through that portal until he saw him with his own two eyes. My theory is that Caine is only able to teleport, create, censor, transform, and destroy the world around him, but isn't able to see all of it at once unless he tries to. I think Caine's default state is one where he only knows what he sees directly in front of him/what he himself has left waiting for someone else. And rather than implying someone in the gang is an NPC, I think that line in episode 2 was mainly implying Caine can be tricked, that it's possible to hide something from him, to surprise him even. Though I'm not opposed to an NPC we haven't met trying to join under the guise of being human, it'd potentially create some fun tension assuming the audience was given enough reason to care about them.

Jax is actually my favorite character in tadc, but i couldn't fill an entire post with things to say abt him. Caine seems to be- at least as of right now- the easiest of all the characters to try and wrap my head around. I'll probably have a lot more to say about Jax as he exists in canon as the episodes come out [EPISODE 6 MY BELOVED]

but uhhhh yeah, that's all the things i had to say abt Caine. Pls go watch/listen to the fansong Digital Land bye!

[serpentarius]

been trying to wrap my head around the cancellation of "Our Flag Means Death" and why it hurts so fucking much. lots of folks who are much more eloquent than I have summed it up perfectly, but I still think it’s important I add my voice to the matter. 

It really, really sucks that the hurt is being compounded on us every time another queer/minority-led show gets prematurely cancelled. and for a long while, we also had to deal with the many shows that deliberately queerbaited us, which was a shitty and traumatic experience unto its own. And even though we’ve largely surpassed that early-‘00s-flavoured brand of queerbait now, mainstream queer media is still predominantly white-led. With the cancellation of OFMD, we've lost one of the very few intersectional queer shows in the mainstream. Shouldn’t we be beyond asking for crumbs at this point? Shouldn’t we get unabashedly intersectional shows helmed by and starring queer, BIPOC, and trans folks without them being axed for no rhyme or reason?

It’s exhausting at this point, honestly. OFMD has done so well in terms of viewership and engagement and fan response—almost entirely due to word of mouth and little thanks to the Max marketing team, mind you—and even still the show got cancelled? Can they make it make sense????

For me, the thing most akin to this OFMD situation was when Sense8 got cancelled. And yes, the fandom fought, and we eventually DID get a movie that wrapped things up years later! That gives me hope for OFMD, that maybe another network will pick it up, or maybe they’ll be able to make a movie someday. But what makes me sad about cases like Sense8 is knowing that the creators still had to force the narrative around the amount of time they were given. That the corporate overlords who only care about numbers and profit dictated how much time they had to wrap up their story.

And it fucking kills me that DJ only wanted one more season. One more season to complete the vision.

I'm just so mad that queer people are constantly being jerked around and used for profit and then left high and dry. And then we're given excuses like "oh there's no budget" or "oh there's not enough viewership, that's all it is". like, sure, maybe those are contributing factors, but then I look at all the useless garbage shows that have little viewership and high budgets that keep going forever and then I think "hmmmm, the math ain't mathing." It's fucking transparent; the corporations can spew all they want with their rainbow capitalism and talks about diversity, but the evidence is clear, and they can't convince me homophobia/racism/transphobia/etc. is not a factor in these decisions.

Anyways, back to OFMD. OFMD made me fall in love with fandom again. I drifted away from fandom for a while in my 20s, and while OFMD wasn't the first fandom that drew me back into the madness, it's certainly the largest. The sheer amount of creativity both within the show and outside of it has blown me away; I've read some of the best fics, seen some of the best art, and witnessed some of the most incredible creativity from people in this fandom.

And let's not forget the role of the show's creators and how they've interacted with us fans. They made us feel seen. And made us feel loved and valid, even when we were being weird and loud and horny. It's so fucking rare to see that. But they understood; understood that the show they made was for us, for any of us who've been marginalized or made to feel Othered or different or stuck in life or unsure of our identities. And they gave us so much love for it.

The story... man. The unique combination of quirky humour and bright visuals and dark, introspective moments, the gorgeous costumes and soft, lovely, unabashed queerness, and veteran actors and new actors all getting to shine, brilliant comedic actors getting to show off their dramatic chops and vice versa. For me, seeing Rhys Darby - an actor I've loved for a long time, but who I never thought I'd see in a leading role - getting to be the romantic lead in a queer role? And seeing acclaimed director/producer/screenwriter/actor Taika Waititi play opposite Rhys, as an indigenous Blackbeard? Fucking incredible. OFMD Edward Teach you will always be famous to me.

Anyways... despite my long ramblings here, I still don’t think I've been able to get to the root of WHY exactly this show has inched its way under my skin and stayed with me in the way it has. Maybe I'll spend years trying to understand it. But I DO know that it's in part to do with seeing both older queers AND a diverse range of queerness onscreen, in a way that I've never seen in media before. I DO know that OFMD has forced me to look inwardly, and allowed me to realize some important things about myself. About my own queerness, my own identity, things I'm still figuring out. I've cherished being able to see myself in Stede, in Ed, and each of the crew members. In Roach’s love for cooking, in Oluwande’s ability to mediate; in Jim’s quick temper, in the way Izzy builds walls to guard his heart. In Buttons’ quirkiness, in Wee John’s sass, in Frenchie’s ability to turn pain into humour; in The Swede’s silliness, in Lucius’ bluntness, in Pete’s soft heart beneath the skepticism. Lastly, OFMD has inspired me. To create, to write, to draw, to devour other peoples' works and worlds while I sit in sheer, overflowing joyousness at their talent.

so yeah. the news of this cancellation is upsetting and hurtful and disappointing. And it's making us cry, and it's making us grieve, and may make us hollow and numb at times because we've lost yet another thing we love so deeply before it was meant to go. It's so much more than "just a TV show". It means more to us than any passive mindless idiotic mind-numbing bullshit - because even though there's a time and a place and a purpose for that type of media, it's the thought-provoking work, the work that creators pour their entire hearts and souls into, that hit us deep in our own souls. The work that changes our lives. The work that has the ability to save lives, as I know OFMD has done for so many. 

please know I'm sending immense amounts of love and strength to those of you who are also hurting. we'll get through this, one way or another, and I'll keep up with the hope that we'll get more someday; but in the meantime, I'm holding you tight. ❤️️🫂

[needtotouchsomegrass]

𝐒𝐲𝐥𝐮𝐬 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 / 𝐑𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐧

All through high school you became friends with that shy guy who never seemed to be speaking to anyone. He wasn’t the sunshine kinda guy but had never bullied anyone or gotten into a fight. You spent time talking about books and music until he stopped showing up to school, disappeared without a trace. You didn’t think you’d see him again……..

„Let go of me“, you yell, squirming in attempt of freeing your hands. „Stop being such a brat and behave.“ „our boss might get mad if you don’t, silly girl“, they say tightening their grip on your arms.

Two men had captured you while out on a mission to fight wanderers. They wore nothing more than black suits and sunglasses. They didn’t smile nor did they talk a lot.

You try to remember each turn you take through the long halls in case of an escape.

We walk through a door, entering a room that looks impressive, made to be someone’s office. Someone really important.

You swallow as your eyes take in each detail of that fine designed piece. Wooden floor, staircase bookshelves filled with literature and one expensive looking table placed in front of that floor to ceiling window in the back. The sunlight illuminates it perfectly.

„Boss will be with you in short time“, one of the men says, both of them letting go of me, turning to leave.

„You better behave princess otherwise good luck“. They laugh, voices disappearing in the distance as they walk away.

You sigh. What the hell is this day? Did you piss someone off ?

You walk around the room, taking in its beauty once again.

„It seems you’re feeling quite comfortable“, a deep male voice snaps from behind you, making you freeze on the spot.

You know this voice.

You turn meeting a pair of dark eyes looking back at you. A smug expression on his face.

He’s grown taller and stronger yet you can still make out the little scar above his eyebrow, he said he had gotten from a dog bite. It’s him. No doubt.

You swallow as he approaches you, his entire appearance making him look so incredibly intimidating. His white, silver hair with his suit and dark eyes.

He stops only a mere inches away from you, eyes hovering over you.

„My precious little aether core….. seems like we finally caught you“, a smirk dances across his face.

You avoid his eyes, not sure wether you should laugh or cry about this messed up situation.

Both of you had been planing on becoming hunters together until he disappeared from the surface.

He lifts your chin up, forcing you to look at him.

“What’s wrong little - “, he trails off eyes widening for a second as if his brain is trying to process certain information.

“It - it can’t be you, can it?” His voice is soft, his hand caressing your cheek.

He seems to remember you, even though you must admit that you’ve changed a lot. You’re not that silly little teenage girl anymore, who’s embarrassed about her braces and glasses.

“Sylus….”, you whisper not sure whether you should say something or not.

His brows furrow a sad expression growing on his well-sculpted face.

“God damnit y/n….how the hell did we fuck up this bad”, he seems sincerely frustrated.

He pulls away getting some distance between the two of you, whispering to himself, looking like a total maniac, while trying to calm his mind.

Your heart hammers in your chest.

How did it get to this point? When did he - how did he - what is he up to?

A dark chuckle pulls you back to reality.

“How unfortunate for you to be standing here in front of me. That wonderful core being part of your heart……”, a strange smile appears on his before they turn into a straight line, “…ugh fuck man…”, he falls back into his chair face buried in his now scarred hands.

You step forward, wanting to close the distance - after all these years - between you.

He looks up the second you approach him.

“What… what happened to you”, you say trying to stay as calm as you possibly can. A bunch of emotions flooding your mind.

“You disappeared from one day to another without a single trace, ” “Y/n I -,” “No, Sylus! Let me tell you, I was worried sick and thought you got killed or god knows what ?!! We were friends and you know I did care about you compared to all the others in class. And yet you chose to leave. Leaving me with nothing”, you yell, heart pumping in your chest.

You can’t keep your calm anymore. This was too much. Who the hell does he think he is?? I put effort into our friendship and he repaid me like this?

He’s been your friend. Friends don’t just vanish.

Tears form in your eyes.

“Y/n I -“, he sighs “I had no choice.”

You grunt shaking your head.

“Theres always a choice”, you say through gritted teeth.

Men. Make you feel special, then leave without giving you a damn warning.

“I knew you were special the second I met you. I’ve been hoping and praying to god that I was wrong. That you weren’t gonna end up here”, he gets up from his chair, his voice soft and calm “even today, when they told me they had found the core, I was begging for you to be someone else.”

His eyes meet yours.

“You gotta believe me y/n. If I hadn’t disappeared back then, they would’ve caught you a long time ago.”

He takes your hand in his, giving it a light squeeze.

“You gotta believe me……I’m sorry.”

You make an attempt at pulling your hand away, only for his grip to tighten on you, pulling you close to his chest.

„Y/n you just have to believe me. I - I didn’t mean to hurt you and all I did was to keep you safe.“

He wipes a tear from your cheek.

„But you’re going to do it now, right?“

You look away not able to stand his gaze on you.

He swallows.

„I fear I’ll have to do so“, his voice is quiet and monotone.

The two of you stay like this for a little, until he breaks the silence:

„Im the boss here though , I might be able to make an exception for now“, a smirk grows on his face.

His hand slides around your waist, pulling you even closer.

„Only if you’ll cooperate of course“, he whispers into your ear, having you feel his hot breath on your skin.

You shiver not sure whether this is good or just really bad.

~ the end ~

⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡

𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐟𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐣𝐨𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 ♡

[zeravmeta]

"the missed potential of arc v is how it fucked up the ending/didnt expand on the yu boys or bracelet girls/didnt last long in the xyz dimension/ didnt do whatever-" shut up. the true missed potential of arc v is that it did not fully capitalize on how fucked up the dynamic between yuya, serena and shun could have been. shun is hanging out with two people who look exactly like the two most important people in his life but one of them killed his best friend and the other one was part of the organization that destroyed his life. yuya is stuck facing the ire of someone who is incredibly justified in his anger and at the same time barely understands how it even happened while also around serena who shares yuzu's face and is here Because yuzu sacrificed herself to let serena escape. serena has to deal with the fact that both of them wish she was someone else and for all intents and purposes they are stuck with her and she hates the situation just as much as they do but they'll die if they don't work together, and its not easy when you look like ones childhood friend/girlfriend and the other ones sister. like immediately after learning about the dimensional counterparts they are fully 100% in the know for which is which and yeah they have different clothes + hairstyles but like you're telling me that they didn't ONCE accidentally misname yuya or serena in a fit of rage or sadness? how can shun be angry at serena when shes the spitting image of ruri who was kidnapped. how dare yuya wear yutos face and steal his monster, hes not the best friend shun has been through hell and back with. yuya grieving over how yuzu was taken and some part of him cant help but blame serena, which is even worse because she looks just like yuzu. yuya having to actively cooperate with shun who wishes he were dead. serena once again being minimized by the people around her only instead of the professor trying to recreate the image of his daughter, shes stuck with two guys who cant even look her in the eyes for wildly different reasons. its a complete and total clusterfuck of projection, unhealthy coping, grieving, maybe selfcest?, and it could have been everything.

every argument on arc-v's missed potential shut up forever you will never be THIS missed potential.

[thelaurenshippen]

re: that *chef kiss* PERFECT Franken-Drummer post and tumblr not being all over The Expanse, I know right?? it’s such an amazing show with so many delightful, complicated characters yet it’s so unfairly slept on! maybe because S1 takes awhile to get going and ppl give up? idk but it makes me sad that I have so few ppl to squeal about Drummer and Amos and Bobbie and Christjen and Ashford and Naomi (ad infinitum) with 😭🚀😭

WHY ARE PEOPLE NOT OBSESSED WITH THE EXPANSE HELLO!?!?! there's literally so much to love about it oh my god. you're right, it DOES take a second to get going but once it does!!!

for those of you who have not read or seen The Expanse series (I myself have yet to read the books), let me tell you why you'll love it:

political space drama with incredibly distinct cultures and phenomenal world building, if you're a details girlie (gn), you're gonna go nuts

the found family vibes!!??! are off!?!? the charts!?!? (minor spoilers for the first few episodes) four people are thrown into a situation in which they accidentally become the most important people/fugitives in the whole galaxy and most of them DO NOT trust each other, what could possible go wrong, and even better, what could possibly go RIGHT

Christjen Avasarala. you are not ready for her. most powerful mover-shaker on earth with the most incredible outfits you've ever seen, refined elegance with the filthiest mouth, plus she's got a classic "whatever those two have going on is so gay it veers into something else entirely" with her younger protective knight lady, Bobbie

Bobbie. the "not to be a lesbian but oh my god" post is made for her. we meet her in the show for the first time when she arm wrestles a robot and WINS. you will be begging for her to step on you with her mech suit

speaking of women I want to step on me Camina Drummer. angry revolutionary pirate queen of my heart. do you miss the unique agony of 2000/10s queerbaiting but want it to be not baiting somehow? this show does that, idk how else to explain it. the most agonizing sapphic pining you've ever seen but it's textual and also not painful because its gay. don't worry, Camina fucks, just not the girl she wants most (also spoilers, but this is not a bury your gays show don't worry)

Jim Holden is literally just Some Guy who becomes the special fantasy chosen one because he simply cannot stop Getting Involved. nosiest bitch in the universe, I love him.

imagine you're a girl who leaves your shitty ex and gets a normal industrial job on a spaceship, only to have a six foot, two hundred pound killer dressed as a mechanic imprint on you like a baby duck, and its unclear whether he wants to fuck you or call you a little sister but he definitely WILL kill for you and will do literally anything you say and then you both end up caught up in a weird galactic war by mistake and there's this other guy with a captain america level moral compass and he's cute and you're into him except your shitty ex is still out there with the biggest secret you have and meanwhile your best female friend is the coolest person you've ever met but you don't think you can be what she needs and you're holding your family together, you're holding the universe together and all you want is justice for your people but unfortunately you've gone and fallen in love with the accidental most important man in the galaxy. well, every day Naomi Nagata wakes up

Praxideke Meng. botanist of my heart. literally tames the rabid guard dog that no one else could. gentle and able to stay gentle because of said dog. which brings me to...

Amos Burton. I saved him for last because he is my guy. he is THAT guy. canonically aromantic pansexual king. are you into guard dog characters? do you find yourself drawn to the "sorry my love language is acts of service and all I'm good at is killing people" characters? amos burton is like seventeen tumblr posts come to life. previously mentioned enormous killer dressed as a mechanic, former heels wearing "I didn't always work in space" sex worker who is always rolling into brothels and being like "you guys unionized?", gives a shit about basically no one in the universe except his crew and every single child in the galaxy, accidental comedian because he cannot stop saying weird shit, not a nice or good person but a loyal one, and one who is always trying to relearn the empathy that was carved out of him as a young person. every time he goes homicidal to protect one of his chosen people (crew + any and every child), an angel gets its wings.

fin.

[tiniedemon]

— ♡

hometown

poly kenny mccormick & kyle broflovski

— ♡

being stan’s twin had its perks, very occasionally. as his younger sibling, you got the protection of him. as shelly’s, you were bullied relentlessly. it didn’t help that your father, randy, was a loose cannon. not to mention the neglectful nature of your mother, sharon, who cared more about your siblings than about you.

as the (minutes younger) baby of the family, you were spoiled with material items, but never love. a new laptop every year, every gaming console as soon as it came out, every new game preordered. it just wasn’t the same as the bond your mother shared with your siblings, her true babies.

stan was your closest family member, which was a bit sad considering you had three others. many a night you spent in his room, the two of you venting about your shared distaste for your father. it truly felt like having a true friend for the first time in your life. you’d always struggled with making those in south park, a town full of angry kids, and having a built in best friend made things a lot easier.

you’d grown up playing with and hanging out with stan’s friends, especially kyle and kenny. the four of you shared a disdain for the other member of your friend group, eric. he was a pompous prick with little to no regard for anyone else’s feelings. his self-centered asshole mentality had carried into his teenage years, and into adulthood. he’d been disowned by your brother’s friends once they’d hit junior year of high school, which was a major relief for you.

you mulled over all of these things within the confines of your room, eyes on the ceiling, repeated sighs leaving your lips. your thoughts lingered on kenny and kyle, your only two friends in this world and, sadly, your crushes.

it was hard being friends with them in a way. they were dating, a long brewing relationship that developed over the course of sixteen years before they’d finally decided to get together. you were incredibly saddened by it, but it wasn’t like you couldn’t see them ever again.

they frequently joined in on yours and stan’s outings, but it was absolute torture for you. kenny was consistent in his pda with his boyfriend, and despite how much kyle protested it, he always wore a smile and gave in. you longed every day to be on the receiving end of kenny’s incessant kissing and hand holding, and kyle’s charming smiles and poetic flirting.

you’d been in this loop of self destruction for months. it was taking a toll on your mental health. you were tired constantly from nights spent staring at your ceiling, overthinking the entire situation about your two best friends.

you sighed, dragging yourself from your bed, and padded off to stan’s room. he was also still awake, phone screen lighting his face as he laid on his side. he looked up at you, scooted to the side, and tapped the empty space next to him. you crawled into bed with your brother, pulling the blankets to your chin as you shivered.

“you always keep your room so fucking cold,” you grumbled, holding your hand over your nose to trap the heat in. he sighed and rolled his eyes, sitting up to grab an extra blanket from the end of his bed and tossing it to you.

“and you complain too much. shut the fuck up,” he sighed, then laid back down and faced you. you adjusted the blanket over your body, then finally looked back at him with a huff.

“i don’t know what to do about kenny and kyle,” you admitted, a blush on your cheeks and a frown on your lips. stan raised his eyebrow, a sign for you to continue speaking. “i want to be with them, both of them, which i know is sort of shitty of me. i just love them, y’know? and it’s hard because they’re both so focused on each other that they don’t pay me any mind at all. am i shitty for this?”

“not at all,” stan responded, readjusting your head to lay on his arm instead of his mattress. “you don’t choose who you love. you just so happened to get fucked with having feelings for two people instead of one. that’s not your fault.”

you sighed, using one of your hands to adjust the stray hairs defying the part of his hair. he smiled at you, patting your cheek.

“i’m just not sure what exactly i’m supposed to do. i can’t just go for people in a relationship, y’know? i’d be so shitty for that. i just don’t know what to do.”

stan was silent for a moment, his eyes untrained and staring at the space behind your head. you worried your lip between your teeth as you waited to a response, pulling the blankets further up your body.

“i say you start flirting back,” he spoke finally. “they were flirting with you for ages before they got into a relationship with each other. maybe you could try flirting with them for a change?”

you froze, eyes growing big. they’d been flirting with you? you hadn’t noticed. now you felt like a huge idiot. stan wouldn’t lie about something like that. you really were so oblivious that you hadn’t noticed they were flirting with you.

“we’re all hanging out tomorrow. you should join us, maybe throw some hints their way. if it doesn’t work out, that’s completely fine, too. just know you don’t need them to be happy, okay? you’ve always got me, for life.”

—

you took stan’s advice, and boy did you regret it. it was mid winter in the colorado mountains, and you were freezing your ass off. you were clad in a thick jacket and one of stan’s fleece hats, and even that wasn’t enough to block out the frigid winds as the two of you waited for the couple to show.

“i hate you for this,” you grumbled, both your hands in the pockets of your brother’s jacket. he rolled his eyes and flicked your forehead, then adjusted the hat on your head to better cover your ears.

“it’s not my fault you get cold easily. stop complaining,” he muttered. you could hear kenny and kyle’s voices approaching, your eyes darting around to spot them. they approached behind your brother, hand in hand, smiles on their faces as they bickered playfully. you looked at your brother with wide eyes, panicking internally.

“i don’t think i can do this,” you whispered, stan offering a half smile as he rubbed your arms for friction heat.

“you’ve got this, y/n,” he whispered in response. you nodded hesitantly, shooting the approaching couple a glance over stan’s shoulder.

“i’ve got this,” you murmured to yourself as reassurance. you took a deep breath, opened your mouth, and shouted, “nice face, broflovski!”

the couple halted in their steps, and your heart dropped into your feet. you could visualize it laying between your feet, along with the bricks you’d just shat on the pavement.

then kenny’s face pulled into a crooked grin, and kyle smirked a tad as he tugged kenny towards you, kenny dragging his feet as they crossed the distance between the two groups.

“nice ass, marsh," kenny spoke as the couple finally approached. your face turned red, only amplified as kyle grabbed a handful of your brother's ass. stan's face matched yours as he swatted kyle's hand away, a scowl on his face.

"i fully agree, ken. stan's got some cake on him," kyle chuckled out, shooting a wink towards you. kenny scoffed and tossed an arm over his boyfriend's shoulder, smirking at you.

"i was talking about y/n here, but now that i'm looking at it, i think you might be right, ky," kenny drawled, landing a smack on your brother's ass.

"i wish the two of you would stop grabbing my ass," stan grumbled. you chuckled as you linked arms with your brother, gesturing to the coffee shop the three of you were stood before.

"can we please go in?" you begged, bending your knees and forcing a shiver for emphasis. "i really need a hot mocha before my entire body turns into a lump of frostbite."

"y/n, i love you, but you are literally the single most dramatic bitch i know," stan grumbled, but complied with your request. you shot a grin over your shoulder to the couple behind you as the four of you entered tweak bros. coffee, the duo offering equally large smiles of their own.

the coffee date was relatively uneventful otherwise. kyle would occasionally wink at you, and kenny had grabbed your hand over the table a handful of times, but it was otherwise sort of boring. stan had, unfortunately, spilled an iced americano in his lap, and the hangout had been wrapped up two hours after it had started.

"alright, guys. i've gotta get butterfingers here home before i start bullying him for shitting his pants through his dick. i'll see you guys later," you sighed as the four of you once again stood outside the coffee shop. kyle cast a glance to kenny, who pulled you into a tight hug for a few moments.

"kenny and i aren't doing anything later. how about the two of you come over for movie night tonight?" kyle asked, a hopeful gleam in his eyes. you glanced at your brother, who was already shaking his head while he struggled to cover the brown stan on his crotch with his jacket. your heart sunk along with the corners of your lips, your hands finding their way into your jacket pockets.

"probably not tonight. stan's got a pretty big conference call later," you uttered in response, shifting your weight between your legs. stan look at you with confusion written all over his face, nudging you towards the couple in front of you with his elbow.

"so you go without me, dumbass. i have a call, not you. go have fun with tweedle bitch and tweedle cunt," he responded. you flushed, a frown on your face as you pulled your brother to the side. you could hear kyle and kenny grumbling about their nicknames from a few feet away.

"i'm not going to their apartment by myself, dumbfuck," you hissed in a whisper, eyes narrowed. "what if i have to, like, shit or something? that would be embarrassing as fuck."

"how is that embarrassing?" stan deadpanned, his face blank as he stared at your nervous, fidgeting form.

"i could clog their toilet and then have to fish out my own shit with my hands. or i could not make it to the toilet and accidentally spray shit on their walls. anything could fucking happen, stan" you whisper yelled. stan rolled his eyes and bent down, hoisting you up into his arms and turning around, your disgruntled form held bridal style in his arms. he passed you off to a surprised kenny, who struggled to hold you for a second before gaining his footing and his purchase on you.

"take this stupid bitch home with you or i'm going to beat her ass the second she steps foot in our apartment," your brother deadpanned, then turned on his heel and walked towards your shared home.

"you're just going to leave me, stanley!" you shouted, stan flipping you the bird over his shoulder.

"sure am, bitch! don't care where you go, just don't come home until my call is over!" he called back to you. you huffed, rolling your eyes. then you made eye contact with kenny, then kyle, and your face turned red as you sulked.

"you can set me down, kenny," you muttered, a squeak passing through your lips as he turned and began walking towards kyle's car. "seriously, kenny, you can set me down."

"i don't think he's going to," kyle mused as he unlocked his car with his key fob. you glanced at him with a shy smile, and then up at kenny with the same smile. the blonde grinned at you as he placed you in a sitting position on the hood of the suv, patting your thighs with both hands as you settled.

"thanks, ken. i can't believe stan just left me like that. what if you guys decided to traffic me or something? he wouldn't have his twin there to keep him awake at night. instead he'd get to sleep at a decent time and i just can't let that happen," you rambled as kyle and kenny worked together to tidy up the clutter in their back seat.

"y/n, honey, you've known us since diapers. i highly doubt we'd traffic you," kyle hummed as he came to stand between your legs. you flushed, crossing your arms over your chest as you avoided his gaze. you were shivering so violently your teeth were chattering, your jacket once again doing almost nothing to shield you from the cold winter air.

"i'm just saying the chances are never zero. my dad could and would traffic me if he could get free crack as payment and i came directly from his ballsack. if you wanted to, you would," you protested, rubbing your arms with your bare hands in an attempt to bring some warmth back to your body. kyle took notice, his calculating green eyes missing nothing, and slowly removed his gloves as you spoke. they dropped into your lap, his hands capturing yours and sliding them over your shaking fingers.

"sweetheart, i'm sure we could score the best crack for you, but it just won't happen," kenny mused, approaching on your side and leaning against the door of the suv as he looked at you with a humored smile. "i think kyle would be absolutely devastated if i traded you for crack instead of stephen king's full collection."

you guffawed, looking between kyle and kenny, mouth dropped open and eyes wide. kenny was obviously holding back laughter while kyle glared at him, annoyance clearly displayed on his sharp features.

"kenny, if you don't shut the fuck up, i will cut your mullet off in your sleep," kyle spat. you scoffed and held up your hands, feigning offence. you were holding back laughter as well, a small chuckle escaping your lips.

"i can't believe this. i'm calling the fucking tooth fairy. next time you lose a tooth in a bar fight, you can count on the tooth fairy leaving a pile of shit under your pillow instead of a dollar," you threatened kenny, sliding your way off the hood of the suv. kyle burst out into laughter alongside kenny, the blonde following behind you to open the car door for you. you relished in the remnants of the heat in the vehicle, clasping your hands in your lap to keep them warm. kenny stood between your legs, taking kyle's spot, and you rolled your eyes with a humored grin.

"i'm sorry, sugar," he chuckled, pressing a kiss to your forehead. you were left a blushing, stuttering mess as he crept away and shut your door behind him. kyle shot you a smug look from the driver seat, taking in the flustered expression on your face.

"i think you broke her," the ginger uttered to the blonde as he slid into the passenger seat. kenny shrugged, winking a blue eye at you from the front seats.

you were incapacitated.

—

long story short, kyle was a great driver, and kenny was a horrible passenger princess. kyle was very calm for the entire forty-five-minute drive back to their house, his driving smooth and road rage minimal. meanwhile, kenny was going absolutely feral in the passenger seat. he played the absolute most random songs, some lame techno beats with little to no words, and hung his head out the window almost the entire drive.

you were incredibly thankful to see the couple's apartment building appear in the distance, entirely overwhelmed by kenny's chaotic passenger activities. by the time the three of you had made it to their home, kenny's hair was tousled and frizzy from the cool wind whipping through it. kyle simple smiled at his lover and pulled him into a soft kiss. your heart clenched at the sight, jealousy burning in your stomach.

"oh, sorry, y/n. you want one too?" kenny inquired with a cocky grin. your face burned as you pulled the best disgusted expression you could, eyes jumping between his and the back of his seat.

"fix your face first. you look like you got hit by the ugly train," you grumbled, watching his smile grow through your repetitive glances towards his face.

"you know you love my face, marsh," he cooed. kyle exited the vehicle amidst your banter with kenny and you were quick to follow, jogging to catch up. kenny caught you by the wrist, scooping you up in his grasp, and carried you the rest of the way to the door. you yelped, eyes big and face red, body jumping with each bound to the house's entrance.

"kenny, i do wish you'd stop frightening our guest," kyle called, amusement clear in his voice. over kenny's shoulder, you could see him bending to pick up the hat kenny had knocked off your head in his hasty actions.

"nice ass, broflovski!" you called over his shoulder, a mischievous smile on your face. he jumped and turned to look at you, face red and grinning.

"nice rack sweetheart," kenny whispered in your ear, once again reminding you of the position you were stuck in, pressing a kiss to the side of your head. you were rendered speechless for the second time that day, brain short-circuiting as kenny carried you into their home. kyle closed the door behind the three of you, tossing your hat on the back of the couch. you were quick to follow, kenny hovering you over the back and dropping you haphazardly on top of the cushions. his body fell over the side, his body toppling on top of yours, head burying itself in the cushions next to your head.

"kenny! you give me such a fucking migraine. please get off y/n! she's fucking fragile!" kyle scolded, swatting at the back of kenny's head with a scowl. you giggled, albeit a bit nervously, gazing up at kyle around kenny's mop of blonde hair. kyle was red in the face, averting his eyes from yours, circling the sofa to take his seat next to your feet. with both hands, he lifted both yours and kenny's legs, scooting over and laying them in his lap.

"hey pretty thing," kenny cooed as he finally lifted his head from the suffocation of the couch. his grin was dopey as he gazed at you, eyes droopy and hair messily covering half of his face. "come here often?"

"please stop seducing our guest," kyle deadpanned, swatting at kenny's foot. kenny hissed and threw his legs off the side of the couch, letting half his body slide onto the floor, his head buried in your torso. you sat up, gingerly pushing kenny's head off you, pulling your legs from kyle's lap in favor of pulling them to your chest. he looked away from the television long enough to pointedly glance at you, then turned his attention back to it and used the hand that wasn't controlling the remote to pull them back onto his lap. you blushed, only increased by kenny scooting his way between you and kyle, your legs now crossing both their laps. kyle used his free hand to pry your shoes from your feet, eyes still glued to the screen.

"y/n, what kind of movie do you wanna watch?" kyle inquired, turning his head to look at you over his lover. you shrugged, arms around your torso, blush on your face.

"i don't really know. i’m not really one for movies lately. i’m too busy watching shameless,” you admitted sheepishly. kenny’s head perked up and turned to you, a grin on his face.

“what season?” he asked eagerly. you made quick work of finding your phone, hands shaking as you opened netflix and checked your progress.

“season six, episode three,” you responded. kenny turned to kyle, who opened netflix and selected the correct season and episode of shameless. he paused it as soon as it loaded, making eye contact with kenny. you were squirming. they seemed to be making conversation telepathically, eyes locked on each other, silence piercing your ears.

"which one of us are you in love with?" kyle finally asked, voice soft as he leaned forward to stare into your soul. your squirming intensified, kenny rubbing your calve reassuringly as he gazed at you. you felt like a deer caught in headlights, heart pumping in your ears, hands shaking in your lap, face pale, eyes wide.

"we're not asking out of a place of spite, love," kenny reassured. you could hardly hear him over the sound of your own pulse, your mouth going dry as tears flooded your eyes. you'd never felt so anxious before in your life. this was everything you wanted, laid out in front of you, and you were terrified.

"i-" was all you managed to get out, unable to speak around the lump in your throat and the cotton in your mouth.

"sweetheart," kyle sighed, leaning far forward to reach his arm over kenny and grasp on of your hands. kenny did the rest of the work, tugging you into a side hug as you panicked. you weren't sure exactly what your issue was. you wanted them to be interested in you. you wanted their attention. you wanted this. why the hell were you having a panic attack over something you'd been praying for since puberty?

eventually, after a handful of minutes, you were able to calm down enough to hear the murmured reassurane of the couple holding you. you could pull your head back and you could look at them, an embarrassed smile on your face as you whispered your apology.

"why should you be sorry, love? we caught you off guard," kenny hushed. kyle nodded along in agreement, a soft smile on his face as his fingertips caressed your cheek.

"you don't have to apologize for anything, sweetheart. we genuinely didn't think you'd react like that. that's completely our fault," he whispered, ginger curls falling into his face. you ran your fingertips over his forehead to adjust them, then let them trail down the side of his face. he flushed under your touch, cheeks turning a rosy pink under a small smattering of sun exposure freckles.

"if we're being honest, we've had feelings for you for quite some time, probably a decade. we were trying to figure out if you were interested in one of both of us," kenny admitted. you blushed, eyes jumping between kenny's red face and kyle's. for a second, you wondered if you were in a dream. you discreetly pinched your leg, wincing as your heart raced. it definitely wasn't a dream.

"both," you whispered. you were still incredibly nervous to admit your feelings, but with the confession on kenny's part, you felt a bit more confident in your feelings. kenny was the first to embrace you, your face buried in his boney chest, kyle's lanky arms wrapping around the both of you.

"we don't have to immediately figure shit out," kyle murmured after a few moments of your silent embrace. you nodded slowly, unraveling your fingers from the back of kenny's shirt.

"i'd rather watch shameless right now, if i'm being honest," you murmured, a sheepish smile on your face. "my mind has been fucked way too much for one day." kyle chuckled along, pressing play on the tv. kenny started unzipping your outdoor coat with a small grin.

"i mean, we could always fuck you in other ways," he joked with a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows. you guffawed, face turning red as kyle whacked his chest.

"kenny, please, shut the actual fuck up!" he exclaimed, face equally as red as yours. kenny burst into laughter as he continued helping you out of your coat, draping it on the back of the sofa.

"sorry, sorry," he chortled. you settled into the couch, a small smile on your face as you focused your attention on the dysfunctional screen family.

—

taglist @hand-writxen @quackyfae @n0tangeliccc @triphovia @vanillawh0re @scrawny-simp @oldcabinets @mags138 @zeroquiverx

[kitten4sannie]

20 - ᴅᴇᴇᴘᴛʜʀᴏᴀᴛ/ᴄᴏʟʟᴀʀɪɴɢ -

ʜᴏɴɢᴊᴏᴏɴɢ

ꜱʜɪɴʏ ɴᴇᴡ ᴛᴏʏ

pairing: pirate captain! hongjoong x stowaway! reader (fem)

summary: you press your luck as a stowaway on a random ship.

w.c: 2.1k

warnings: hard dom! hongjoong, sub! reader, pirate misogyny, dirty talk, sadomasochism, master and pet are both equally nasty here <3, praise, name calling, choking, collaring, deepthroating, slapping, dumbification ? slutification ? idk, snuck a little breeding in there for a sec

a/n: day twentyyyyy <3 fff is almost over ahhh i’m so sad but at least i still have some more filth to share <3 and also i wanted to make this a lot longer but i didn’t have the time ;; but i have a pirate au that i’m working on so at least there’s that!

FFF Masterlist

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When the pirates on the ship found you in their cupboards eating their food, you knew you were in for it. You managed to last two weeks, at least, so that was something in itself. However, this wasn’t the greatest situation to be in. You knew they were the worst of the worst, like every other pirate, trying to outdo each other when it came to violence and debauchery. It also didn’t help that the ship’s captain was a raging sadist, always going out of his way to make sure his men knew their place. He was their Master and they were simply his obedient pets that he could use to his advantage.

Well, shit.

You pulled out a small dagger from your trousers, yelling at the group of pirates to suck your dick. They didn’t appreciate that very much. As soon as you were overpowered, you were dragged to the deck, forced to remain on your bruised knees, with your arms bound behind your back.

Heavy leather boots pressed into the creaking wood floor in a slow, deliberate manner, heading in your direction, the sound of the previously vocal men quieting down as soon as they got closer. “Is this the little stowaway?” Hongjoong asked in an eerily giddy tone, licking his lips at the sight of you. It had been quite a while since he’s fucked a nice, tight little cunt. He didn’t mind fucking his Quartermaster’s ass every now and then, but it just wasn’t the same. He licked his lips, imagining what you’d be like when you were completely broken for him. Just a slave for his cock and nothing more. It was a delicious thought.

You kept your head down, staring at the perfectly polished buckles on the pirate’s leather boots, your fingers twitching behind your back. “The one and only,” you replied flatly, playing along with the man’s antics, but in your own way.

He placed his hands on his leather bound hips, making his belt sag down slightly, his voice suddenly low and empty-sounding, “The one that thought it was perfectly okay to eat our food and sleep in our quarters? How did you do it for so long, I wonder?” When you didn’t entertain him again, he reached down with a gloved hand, grabbing you by your hair and yanking your head upwards, forcing you to look up at him. “Did you fuck my men for their leftovers, little whore?”

You slowly lifted your eyes up, glaring at him past a few loose strands of hair, muttering, “I would if there were actually any men around. All I see is some overgrown children playing make believe. You never felt the warmth of your dear mother, did you?”

Only you would look death in the face and spit at its feet. How typical.

A visible vein began bulging out against Hongjoong’s neck, his hand going to your throat so incredibly fast, you didn’t even have time to take in a proper breath. “Do you have a death wish, pretty girl? Should I carve you up right here and now for my filthy pets to enjoy?”

Maybe you did. Maybe you didn’t. You were just a person aimlessly searching for the reason you were even experiencing this life in the first place. Going from ship to ship, island to island, and waiting for something to happen. Maybe this was it.

“You could, but then all the fun would be over, you know?” you answered in an extremely strained voice, feeling yourself being lifted up from the ground just enough to send more fear and arousal straight into your core. “I thought Masters liked to play around with their pets.”

Hongjoong’s fierce rage was replaced by clear perversion, his cat-like lips forming a wide smile, slowly letting go of your neck. “The gods answered my prayers. I’ve always wanted a bratty little masochist at my feet, just asking me to destroy them. To train them. To mold them into a perfect little toy.”

You caught your breath, squeezing your thighs together in an effort to quell the fire burning in the pit of your stomach. Pushing all of your proverbial chips onto the table, you tilted your head, looking him up and down. “Yet they haven’t answered your prayers to be taller. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a pint-sized captain before.”

You could see the darkness spread evenly across Hongjoong’s face, his eyes hooded and dark, glazed over and devoid of any semblance of humanity. Though you were in for a world of hurt, you couldn’t even begin to express how eager you were to take every last punishment. This was definitely what you were waiting for.

-

A few more weeks went by, and all the while, Hongjoong spent every night training you to become the ideal fuckdoll for him. He enjoyed fucking you into a coma as much as the next degenerate, but there was something about your throat that he was obsessed with. It was wetter, warmer, and even tighter than your cunt, and it drove him absolutely mad.

Though you could suck dick without a problem, it was different when you sucked off Hongjoong. You couldn’t just give him head and call it a day. He always needed you to choke on it until you cried, gagged, and were covered in a mess of spit and cum. However, once he was bored with seeing you struggle, he decided to train you to take his cock properly, without having to worry about you getting sick and ruining his fun. It went quite well, he had to admit, training you night after night, stretching your throat out with his heavy cock and not having to hear a single sound coming from you besides choked, muffled moans. You were his perfect toy, sent down from heaven to be used as an obedient little cocksleeve just for his pleasure, with no other purpose, except to guzzle down his load after a long day of running his ship.

-

Once the moon shone brightly in the cold night sky, you walked up the stairs that led to the captain’s quarters, idly running your fingers over the pretty velvet collar that Hongjoong gave to you. He stole it from another ship, making sure to clean off the blood and polish the small ruby that sat in the middle of it. He was so good to you.

Hearing the door creak open, Hongjoong looked up from his desk, dropping the feather quill inside his hand. “There you are, pet.”

You walked up to him, giving him the same perverse smile he was giving you, slowly pulling at the strings of your dress and letting it fall off your figure. Your body was covered in bruises and lovebites that Hongjoong never seemed to let you go without. “I’ve been thinking about you all day, Captain.”

“Of course you were.” Hongjoong stood up and walked around so that he could stand in front of you, placing a hand on your head and slowly pushing it down, watching you sink down to your bruise-covered knees. “I remember when you were a feisty one, only learning to listen to me after you had to cry and beg me for forgiveness, but now look at you…You’re my empty-headed little fuck toy, aren’t you?”

“That’s all I’ll ever be, Captain. How can I give you a hard time when you treat me so well?” You ran your hands up his black, form-fitting trousers and unbuttoned them, slowly pulling them down to take out his already hard cock.

Gasping at the sensation of you sliding the majority of his cock into your mouth, Hongjoong reached down to run his fingers through your hair, watching you with half-closed eyes. “I do treat you well, don’t I? I fill you up night after night and leave you with a tummy and cunt full of cum. What more could a toy ask for?”

You pulled off of his cock to lick around the tip like it a melting ice cream cone, replying, “Nothing at all, Captain.”

Grunting at the loss of your warm mouth, Hongjoong sent a quick, but rough slap to your cheek and grabbed you by the hair, licking his lips. “That was a rhetorical question, little slut. Did I tell you to stop sucking my cock?”

Sighing at the burning sensation lingering on your skin, you shook your head, opening your mouth back up just in time for Hongjoong to shove his cock back inside, not stopping until your nose met his pelvis. “Mmmff…”

“My pretty toy likes Captain’s big cock inside her tiny little throat, doesn’t she?” he asked, in between thrusts, gripping the back of your head, his cold rings pressing into your scalp. “She likes getting her throat fucked like a pussy, doesn’t she?”

“Mmm…hmmm….” You tried to look up at Hongjoong, always enjoying the sadistic smiles he sent in your direction, his lips always curling into a joker-like grin, his tongue just barely poking out past his teeth. You couldn’t though, since your eyes were already rolling back into your head.

“Good little pet,” he praised, his voice coming out low and gravelly, bucking his hips so quickly, he accidentally slipped out of your mouth. “Fuck, your throat is dripping like a pussy too…” He slapped his heavy cock onto your flushed face for good measure, rubbing his pre-cum across it, before shoving himself back inside your mouth, going at it like he was running out of time.

You reached down in between your thighs, rubbing your wetness around your cunt, not even bothering to actually play with yourself, just enjoying that you were being used. It felt amazing finally finding your purpose. Orgasmic, even.

“Gonna fill your throat pussy with my seed, pet. God, I wish I could get you pregnant this way. It’s a shame, really.” Hongjoong reached down to clutch your neck, feeling his cock slide in and out at a rapid pace, enjoying the sensation of your moans vibrating against his fingers. “Even when you’re full of my kids, I’ll still fuck your throat and pussy raw every night. I hope you know that.”

Moaning heavily at his filthy words, you continued to spread your arousal around, feeling it dribble out of you at an alarming rate. You were throbbing nonstop. If you focused hard enough, you could probably cum just like this, with your Master’s cock down your abused throat and his fingers pressing onto your collared neck.

Shuddering at the feeling of his sweat dripping down along his neck, Hongjoong let out a strained shout of pleasure, drilling himself into your throat so rapidly, he barely noticed when his cock began spurting his load out. “Yeah, fucking take it! Take it, take it, take it!”

And take it, you did. Like the obedient cum dump you were. “Mmmn!” you moaned loudly, squeezing your thighs together, your lower-half trembling and jolting. You were cumming hard, just like you thought you would. If you were the angel that fell down from heaven to please Hongjoong, then he was the demon that supplied you with all the hellish pleasures you could possibly ask for.

“Godddd,” he groaned out, stopping his movements, but holding you all the way down on his pulsing cock, your jaw beginning to ache from being open for so long. “Swallow it down that tight throat of yours, pretty doll.”

You gulped and gulped, gasping for air when Hongjoong finally pulled you off of him, long strings of saliva still connecting his cockhead to your swollen lips.

Hongjoong pushed his damp hair back, trying to catch his breath after all that effort. “Say ‘ahhh’.”

“Ahhh,” you responded, opening your mouth and sticking your tongue out to show him that nothing was left.

He smiled softly, patting the top of your head. “Good girl.”

Whining at the stickiness between your legs, you grabbed his length and licked a long stripe from the bottom of it to the very tip, eventually nuzzling his hardening cock and letting it rest against your sweaty face. “One more time, Captain? Please?”

The gods truly did answer his prayers. What was better than this? Pillaging and murdering during the day, only to fuck a cock-hungry toy like you during the night? Talk about a perfect life.

Stroking your hair as gently as possible, as if he didn’t just get done breaking your mind to the point that you couldn’t think about anything else, except for him, Hongjoong leaned down to press a kiss to your forehead. “Of course, pet. Though I might not stop until sunrise.”

Licking at his cockhead and giving it kisses, you emitted a small giggle. “I’d love nothing more, Captain.”

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FFF: @hwalysm @scuzmunkie @creativechaoticloner @dilucpegg3r @yeosxxx @gemjimin @wonwowzers @sanjoongie @manipulatedstars @k-drizzle 

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© toxicccred, 2023.

[deaddee-anime-brownfanlady]

TOP 10 personal Favorite Manga.

Here's just a couple of manga that I love & just think are top-notch.

NUMBER: 1 : TOKYO GHOUL

A series that means a lot to me in many ways. When I first got into Tokyo Ghoul it was by the very first season of the anime during 2014 and upon hearing the opening theme of Unravel and seeing the first episode, I was hooked and went into the manga series right after. A nuanced morally compelling storytelling with an array of so many cool and great characters and narratives, incredible art progression from Ishida Sui, and overall just a satisfyingly great conclusion to boot.

NUMBER: 2 : J NO SUBETE

On the surface, looks like a regular BL series, but underneath an emotional-roller-coaster and pretty heavy story about a transwoman named J. Set in the 40s /50s, you fellow J childhood and the awful, rough bullshit she deals with in life as well as her love & massive admiration of Marilyn Monroe. Really such a good story that deals with some real heavy shit...but still so good.

NUMBER: 3 : MONSTER

Not only one of my favorite anime adaptations but also equally as wonderfully engaging & just as well done as a manga as well. Monster is such a captivating, intense story and truly one of my favorites from Urasawa's works. Following Dr. Tenma, a talented neurosurgeon who has grips with the moral dilemma of either saving the Mayor or saving a young boy who was shot in a murder. Tenma chose to save the boy instead and while it costs him being demoted he still believes he did the right thing. Unfortunately years later discovering the boy he saves...turns out to be a killer. This series is such a banger from its storytelling to the characters and just one of the best from Urasawa's.

NUMBER: 4 : GOODNIGHT PUNPUN

At first glance of this manga, you might think of it as something of a cute slice-of-life story about a cute cartoony bird. But actually when reading it...IT'S WAY MORE DARKER and GETS A LOT MORE FUCK UP! For real Goodnight Punpun is one of those series that's start-up pretty light-hearted and a little bit goofy with Punpun being a cartoony-drawn bird amongst very average-looking humans as a young kid in the first volumes of the series. But as things move forward within the story as Punpun gets older and his family situation gets more unstable as well as his life, the tone gets more depressing as a whole. Love the dark psychological storytelling, although it definitely the type of story you can only read once in awhile or in a good headspace because it definitely can be a hard read.

NUMBER: 5 : BERSERK

Seriously, what can I say about Berserk that already hasn't been said on some level. But this manga is seriously, I feel one of the most top iconic series within manga as well as one of the most engaging, moving, fantastic, epic storyline I've read thus far. I know the series itself is still ongoing, and I've been keeping up-to-date with this story since reading the very first chapter. Hearing about Kentaro Miura death....was tough, I knew he had serious health issues, which is why volumes would tend to go on pretty long hatiuses... but man. Another influential iconic figure in manga gone, Berserk is definitely a series any manga-lover or anime fan should read once in awhile.

NUMBER: 6 : SHOUWA GENROKU RAKUGO SHINJUU

Not only one of the most beautifully mature, well-written, compelling storytelling I've seen thus far in an anime series. But as a manga, even more so, a well-crafted story on the life and times of a sad, burden-ridden, slightly bitter, depressed, old man known as Yakumo Yurakutei, who is a highly skilled and experienced master of Rakugo, which for those who don't know is an traditional Japanese verbal form of entertainment. Think of it as something like a form of Improv done by only one person playing different characters to tell a story, This series has many layers to its storytelling that's is done so well dealing with Yakumo and those in his life that has impacted him as to the type of pained almost broken old man he is within the present time. Just a overall good & bittersweet but fantastic story that's deserves to be check out more.

NUMBER: 7 : INNOCENT

It is one of the most beautifully drawn manga series that I have read so far while also being equally gruesome as well. Innocent is a fictionalized historical manga set during 18th century France about the story and legacy of Charles Henri Sanson (actual real historical figure), who is the fourth generation of a family of Executioners known as the Sanson family who are the royal Executioners of Paris. The story follows Charles rough journey towards his path of becoming the Monsieur De Paris. This absolutely such a fantastic piece of work, both in terms of the visually amazing stunning artwork and along with the historical storytelling of Charles coming to terms with his hated lineage and becoming Executioner of Paris but also showcasing the societal/political chaotic changes and upheaval of France slowly leading up to the French revolution. Although some historical aspects are obviously fictionalized, but still such a good series.

NUMBER: 8 : THE PROMISED NEVERLAND

While my feelings on the anime are highly mixed due to really, really, really not caring for the way they handled parts of the storytelling from season 2 of the anime series. But the manga, on the other hand, is a totally different story. Seriously, reading this series was a blast and just an enjoyable experience from beginning to end, as well as seeing Emma and Ray also Norman grow & and develop throughout each arc was great to witness including seeing the rest of the kids thrive and survive the outside world. For this manga was a great read, and definitely, I'll say at least personally to me was done far better then the second season flimsy adaptation.

NUMBER: 9 : HOMUNCULUS

Truly an mindfuck of a manga in more ways than one. But still a pretty damned good and wild story, Homunculus is a story about a homeless man named Susumu Nakoshi who ends up meeting a seemingly antagonistic young medical student named Itoh Manabu to do a little experiment on him by drilling a actual hole in his skull for a total of 700,000 ¥en. Itoh, who is very fascinated with studying the human minds and amongst other things such as ghosts and the occult, but ultimately he thinks he can unlock the hidden psychic potential of Susumu brain. Nakoshi goes through the process, and at first, nothing seems to happen after going through the the operation. Until he closes his right eye and starts seeing otherworldly nightmarish monsters and shapes with his left eye when he looks at other people. This series is truly a weird but also such a highly intriguing and fascinating psychological read while at the same time being a bit of a downer, but still an excellent but messed-up good story.

NUMBER : 10 : ATELIER OF WITCH HAT

Okay, so I just recently started reading this manga series not that long ago, about a couple of weeks ago, and now I'm so freaking hooked. Atelier of Witch hat has truly captured my heart and mind with its engaging and creatively fascinating world-building involving witches and magic to the just as highly interesting characters and storytelling. Which centers around our young protagonist Coco ( the girl on the cover) who is this super adorably passionate girl who has such a huge love for all things magical /witches and deeply wishes she could become one as well, but unfortunately normal people or "outsiders" can't become witches, you have to be born into it, but that's doesn't stop Coco from trying her hardest to still wanting to be a witch. One of the things I love most about this world and how it handles dealing with magic and witches is that magic is really normal within this world and how witches tend to uses it to help and serve regular people in need or even for lighting up a cobblestone pathway also I really like how the magic system is structured in this series, such as instead of casting spells or any from of magic with words or a phrase, magic is casted by drawing, Coco here ends up in a pickle with accidentally casting magic that ends up turning her mom into stone & thus Coco journey towards witchood begins.

Seriously, even though I've just recently gotten into this manga & and its ongoing tale it's already has captivated me on so many levels and I just can't get enough of it so far wonderful storytelling and amazingly beautiful drawn artsy apart of it which really adds a lot of this series fantastical elements. Definitely a must to check out!!

Wanted to do a list of a couple of some of my most top favorite manga series and ones were I feel other's should give them a shot at checking out if there into any of these stories. (^ _ ^)

[bitethedevil]

what annoys me the most about "canonically bad in bed", a list

- this is coming from hist LITERAL DILDO, like sorry he is not trying to pleasure his dildo, DO YOU PLEASE YOUR DILDO OR YOURSELF WHEN U GET OFF??? (totally understand haarlep is unhappy #freehaarlep but that is not the topic of this treatise)

- masturbation is always auto-erotic. e.g. almost all pornography directed at straight men shows men glorification of THEIR role in a sex situation, almost all erotica directed at straight women shows THEM being desired, it is always abt u and ur ego

- being "good" or "bad" in bed is a normative bullshit question I am frankly annoyed tav can even ask, because different people like different things, and this game is otherwise a lot better written about sex and gender stuff. also if you play haarlep's game, tav lies there like a starfish doing nothing at all, and haarlep likes it?? we should get rid of normative sexual evaluations of others smh

- there are people who like topping, people who like bottoming, frankly this is kinda toxic homophobic/misogynistic "haha, he was the one *getting* fucked all the time" implying a. the fuck-ee is dominated by the fuck-er and fucking is a violent act of dominance (untrue), and b. bottoms are somehow lesser than tops? so much wrong with this!!

- if I recall correctly haarlep just says raphael was bad in bed and always on bottom, and nothing about how long he lasts, and then the only way tav can use this knowledge to provoke raphael is by ASSUMING he doesn't last for very long, which is like wtf? why would u shame someone with some made-up toxic sex norms/assume they try to last when they masturbate? (even in case haarlep does say raphael cums too soon, shaming people for cumming too quick is such an incredibly mean thing, they can't control it)

- it is kinda sad (and toxic ngl) that raphael cares about haarlep so much and can't deny him anything and is so obsessed with this person who hates him and is dependent on him, giving strong toxic hetero relationship vibes. raphael, u can't have a relationship with someone who u control baby that is just not how it works lil guy, are u too scared u are not good enough for someone who will choose u of their own free will, are u scared they will leave u babygirl

to conclude we know absolutely nothing about raphael's sexual preferences, we just know haarlep is (rightfully) angry at him and being a slave, and raphael has ego issues which like come one we already knew that from day 1

I’m completely with you anon. The only thing I would like to comment on (and this is just my own interpretation) is the fact that Raphael can’t deny Haarlep anything. I don’t think that’s out of any fondness, I completely think its through Haarlep’s magic…which…just kind of makes it worse since Haarlep is there to spy on him for Mephistopheles. You saw how hard it was for Tav to deny him use of their body and mind. I’d imagine it works the same way with Raph, even though he’s a cambion. In my mind, the whole dynamic between Haarlep and Raph is fucked and Raphael is just trying to make the most out of a bad situation (I wrote a whole post on it a little while back, but it is of course just my own interpretation). Which just makes it even WORSE that Tav behaves the way they do about the whole thing. Like damn. I’d be mad as hell too.

I might write a standalone post on the weird discourse on Raphael’s sex-life at some point because it does somewhat fascinate me. Everyone is entitled to their own interpretation of any work, and that is something I hold sacred. What bothers me sometimes is the way that people talk about it. For example, the problematic way of portraying tops/bottoms and the shaming part that you also talked about in this ask.  

What bothers me even more is when people feel the need to drag that interpretation into fan-spaces to reduce the character to just those aspects as a “gotcha”. I don’t know if that is just me, but if there’s characters that I don’t like, I don’t even use their tags. I’ve written a couple of hate posts on the Emperor. They might show up under the tag just because Tumblr’s algorithm is weird, but I’ve never tagged them with the character’s name, just in case there are fans who use the tag and find that annoying.

Anyway…Thank you so much for the ask! I completely agree with you.

[menlove]

yknow your fantastic post about closeted paul and how he's (probably) come to accept his queerness/bisexuality, but simply keeps it private for multiple reasons? what would you say was john's case?

(i personally believe he was a closeted gay man but idk how to Phrase Things. Sigh.)

oh i 10000000% believe john was a gay man with a lot of Problems. like. i know, i know, in later life he talked about liking men & women & we have that hysterical "john lennon's bisexual guide to gardening" quote but likeeeeeeeeee.... idk. here's my Speculations under the cut

several things, to me. yes, he fucked a lot of women (a lot). but of the 4 of them, during the beatles years he really didn't.... have any steady girlfriends. it's not like he was the only married one and it's not like he had any hangups about cheating, so it's really not that. the ONLY rumor there is was one that he "dated" an older woman (blanking on her name rn) and even thennnn those rumors were, afaik, just based on the fact that he was kind of sad when she died & that he viewed her as a mother figure. which is... i mean that's not convincing like at all to me.

the Three Biggest Relationships in his life w women were cynthia, yoko, and may pang. the rest were women he fucked around with as one night stands. again, as far as i'm aware. and cynthia..... well it's not really hard to see that he very much (unfortunately) did not give that much of a fuck about her. it's the most classic case of comphet i've ever seen. he dated her bc he was supposed to & then he married her bc she got pregnant and he was supposed to.

and yoko....... lord. i won't deny that he loved her. but it was, from literally everything we've seen, a very obsessive love that had less to do w their personal chemistry and more to do with Circumstances. and even with her, there's sooo many quotes of him talking about how he liked her bc she looked like a man, or looked like him in drag, or acted like a bloke/best mate. that's. not to doubt him but that's just not something someone into women says lmfao.

and that's not to mention the whole debacle w probable conversion therapy. and like. this is no hate to yoko & again i believe she was a flawed individual just like any of them were & we have truly got to embrace her morally gray status just like any man bc we can't demonize OR idealize women when women are Literally Just People. but from some of her quotes & outside sources she was very uncomfortable w the idea of his queerness. and hell, there's the "you think of rock hudson when we do it" line, which is both honestly pretty fucking homophobic but also very indicative of where john was, sexuality wise

and as for may, that whole situation was honestly so fucked up and tragic for Both of them that getting into it would take a novel but like. that wasn't exactly his first choice in partner

and in his quotes about Being Into Men, what he says is basically that with women he is fine fucking without an emotional connection but w men he needs that emotional connection & he hasn't found that with a man. which i think is him bullshitting, btw, but the core of it there that he can't fuck a man without emotions is... well that's really telling. it seems like sex with women to him is just sex, whereas sex with men to him is a deep, emotional thing. and that's, again, just not really something someone into women would be saying with their chest

i'm pretty sure he Also has a quote about never having found a woman attractive which is just telling all on its own

and as for Being Into Men...... well he talked about it himself. but also, there's at LEAST stuart, paul, and brian that would go right at the top of the list for me of men he had an incredibly close & intimate relationship with, one-sided or not. i don't think it's incidental that he referred to paul constantly as his other partner in life, his other marriage, etc while like. literally barely ever mentioning cynthia. like it's super telling, the johnandpaul of it aside, that he talks more about his Boy Best Friend when talking about past marriages than his literal wife lmfao

i think he had a LOT of internalized homophobia & anger with himself over it ("scared of his inner fag" as he said). bc of that, i don't think he let himself get as close to the men he was probably in love with as he wanted to be, or even let himself acknowledge just how emotionally attached he was to them. by the end of his life, i think he WAS coming to terms with liking men, at least. was he coming to terms with Not liking women? i don't know. probably not, although i know his and yoko's marriage was in a rough place by the end of his life so who knows really.

i would hope that if he'd lived that by now he would've found peace w his sexuality, bi or gay, but that's not the world we got unfortunately

[androdragynous]

tell me something about your art. fucking love the recent sharp angles.

thank you for giving me an excuse to ramble I love you. kiss

this is going to be a long post but I think it's important so I'm leaving it as a normal post and not a read more

I wrote more words and changed my mind because I got distracted a bunch of times by talking to myself. Enjoy

my own works in general have always been like. The Way By Which I Interact With The World which I think is a pretty common artist experience. my fan art tended to focus on my own characters in those settings rather than on the existing characters because of that, to my younger self's chagrin at times (the desire to Appeal To Fandom was much stronger in my younger years, which I think is also pretty typical). so there was always that lens of, like, these characters aren't me, but they could have been, in some way, or at least when viewed at certain angles. first guy is dealing with the same shit, second guy is doing some gender stuff baby me won't unpack for another five years, you get the idea.

and then the whole disability thing ramped up a few notches and everything went to shit, which is to say, for a really long time there I couldn't so much as look at art without pain, let alone long enough to create it. I did not have the tools to accomodate that disability or the finances to get them, and so for a really long time I was basically cut off from... what honestly felt like my ability to connect with people.

this sucked very badly in many ways. it's still not back to where it was before things got worse, but I'm happy with where it's been recently. I don't know how much of that is connected to getting a blood transfusion and the affiliated correction to my quantity of blood. I don't know how much of it is just pure desperation to reconnect with a world that I feel estranged from. We will come back to this point because I have a different tangent first:

I really don't like vent art. I don't like making it, I don't like posting it, and I don't like seeing it. I understand why people make it - I understand why I do - but there's a very harsh rawness to it that feels inappropriate as a viewer. It's voyeuristic; it's a look into something incredibly deeply personal hurt and an equally deep and genuine desire to have that hurt seen, validified, comforted.

I do not think vent art is bad to create or share, to be clear. The fact it makes me uncomfortable does not illegitimize it. Could honestly strengthen its reason for existing, to be quite honest.

The line blurs with disability, though, and this is where we come back to the original tangent, because to talk about disability that cannot be cured will innately be seen as venting. It's basically inevitable, in my experience. You're supposed to want to get better. You're supposed to hate existing like this. So if you mention it, to people who haven't either been in the same boat or who haven't taken the time to work through their own baggage about it, it's innately a vent. It's innately a hurt that you're burdening them with, a hurt that you want recognized and helped. My family members have been particularly bad about this viewpoint, but so have friends and medical professionals. So have strangers. I find it akin to arguments against gay public displays of affection; two men holding hands is sexual, using a mobility aid is pitiable. You get me? There's that innate sense that you, as the person watching a disabled person be disabled, should be feeling something about it, and if it's not inspiration porn, obviously you're meant to be sad. If it wasn't clear, this is the description of a train of thought that I believe is entirely incorrect.

Anyways. So disability art ends up grouped as vent art if you talk about it sucking at all, even if the suck is about the barriers presented by society and not the disability itself. I can, of course, only speak for my own experience, which is what this post is about, so my situation is very much barriers-focused.

People really, really aren't good at dealing with the discomfort part, what I detailed as the emotions I feel around vent art. People don't know what to do when you don't want help, or their help doesn't help (for whatever reason), or basically in any situation where you can't actually fix things, which is a lot of Being Disabled. It's hard to sit with that discomfort, especially when it's about a person's vulnerability. People want to help others, generally, in my experience, and it's difficult to not be able to when it's someone you care about.

Which all ties back into the voyeurism; to be visibly disabled is to be a spectacle. This has also been pretty inevitable, in my experience. Being in a wheelchair draws attention. Using a cane draws attention. Wearing an eye patch draws attention. So on and so forth. Sometimes this is great - people will offer their chairs to me sometimes if I'm using my cane, for example, which I appreciate - and sometimes it is less great.

This ties in, for me, with the part people REALLY don't like talking about, which is sex and sexuality. How do you date when you can't go out to many places? How do you get to know someone when you live with others and can't invite them over? How do you look sexy when you feel and kind of look like a corpse? These are all questions I'd love to know the answers to, because I'm shit out of luck on figuring it out so far, and that's not even touching on the actual sex, because I don't want to get this post filtered if I can help it. There's a balance, right, of being visible on purpose by flirting, dressing up, going out, making an impact, that is both directly overlapping with and directly opposed to the inevitable visibility of visible disability. They juxtapose magnificently, in a kind of sun and moon during an eclipse sort of way, you get me? You have to lean into it. You have to make yourself comfortable in that visibility because it's inevitable, and you are going to inevitably be viewed as a spectacle because you've leaned into it, and you're never going to be viewed as sexual because nobody will ever distinguish that there are two kinds of visibility being done, here.

And THAT I think is where my art is at right now, trying to convey that overlap. I do not think I have been subtle about it - it's loud colors, sharp lines, layers of vandalism over the original draft, a kind of intentional obscuration that implies many others were drawn to leave their mark there. You know? But because of What It Is, I do think it causes discomfort in the overlap. It's supposed to. It's inevitable that it would. I think being disabled is overtly sexual in the way being gay is overtly sexual in the way being trans is overtly sexual, in that none of them are but none of them aren't, either, in the right contexts or the wrong ones. People are going to see you exist and come to their own conclusions about how wrong you must feel in existing, and they will be made uncomfortable by that perception, and they will want to fix you. You have to accept that or you have to be uncomfortable right back. There's not really a third option that keeps you alive. This is all connected to the art, because the art is also inherently sexual, for approximately the same reasons.

So the tldr is "op is it weird if I think this is hot" is both the intended response and yes, it is weird, and you have to sit with the fact that both of those are true and you have to be normal about it for the rest of your life forever, and also you should take that knowledge and get weirder about it. It's a complex system. I also may have described none of it. Good luck.