#its also very likely that this is not and has never been a stimulation issue

[lokh]

unfortunately i dont believe stimuwrite is working for me

[ladymercysletters]

NSFW Alphabet - Aemond Targaryen

A/N: very NSFW, obviously 18 + only. Me being horny on main for a full 8 A4 standard issue pages. I've written essays shorter than this. Honestly, you could probably take most of these as individual blurbs in themselves. Feel free to request fics based on any of the ideas floating about in this filth.

Word count: 4,006

High Valyarian Transation

“kostilus … ñuha jorraelza, ñuha mēre … kostōba vala” - Please… my one, my love… strong man

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

You might expect him to be cold and uncaring. Especially if your marriage had been arranged by your families. He would of course do his duty by you, but no more. Except it didn’t take him long at all to realise that you weren’t a duty; you were his – and his to take care of and love. After sex of any kind, or even a passionate kiss more than once, he would sink into your space and surround you with softness, lowly checking if you were well and if there was anything he could get for you.

B = Body part (their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Since losing his eye Aemond has carved his own body into a weapon. Each muscle was built for a particular role and allowed him to defend himself and attack his enemy successfully every time. If he had to choose a favourite body part of his it would probably be his arms. His swordsmanship is something he is something he is very modest about, though he would play it off as being obvious that he had skill but would never gloat about it. He is particularly proud of how he can manoeuvre a blade over his shoulder, twirling the heavy sheet of steel effortlessly to reign down on his opponent’s throat. He decided for definite that he would always train with a sword when he caught you watching his training one afternoon with Cole; he kept a close eye on you as yours never left his body as it moved. He watched as your chest rose and fell with each swoop of the blade and clash of metal, and especially when they paused for a break, and your eyes practically melted the clothes from his body where he stood.

Aemond would never tell you he preferred one part of your body to another. Though when you hide your smile with your hand he is always there to delicately pull it away. He once told you to never hide your smile from him; and whilst he had made it sound vaguely threatening at the time, he never actually told you it was because seeing your perfect lips widen into a brilliant smile made his heart practically leap from his chest with love for you. If he had to pick something tactile, Aemond would also say he loved how smooth and soft your skin was. A complete contrast to everything else around him, Aemond’s favourite part of the day was the end – when he would join you in your shared quarters, chambers, bed, and he could hold your soft form in his arms on your soft bed and you spoke about your respective days.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

At first Aemond would always cum inside you, one way or another. He wasn’t a huge fan of the mess, and neither of you being that experienced he quite naturally presumed as with everything, its best to be tidy. As you grew to know each other and explore what brought each other pleasure quite openly Aemond discovered he loved to see you covered in his cum. It first started when he had slipped out of you as he came, cumming across your open legs. For a short while he stared openly as the white pearlescent mess between your thighs before slowly spreading it further over you, moving his cum up and through the lips of your pussy to stimulate your clit. He was mesmerised with how you looked covered in him, marked as his. He went absolutely feral the first time you pulled off as you were sucking his cock, stroking him and giving small licks to the head of his cock as he lost control - cumming over your mouth before you pulled away to let him finish on your open blouse. When the hot flush had ebbed from his face he lolled his neck to look down at you. Seeing the mess he’d left on your face and his seed slipping down between your breasts and turning your shift translucent made his cock twitch in want.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Aemond would never reveal an ounce of your relationship or intimacies to anyone, not event the sept, but of course there were things that gave him more pleasure than he would grant voice to. More than once, he had thought about his love of it and cursed himself under his breath. He was a cunt-drunk fool. He could deny it all he liked but if the world fell apart tomorrow, he would not notice if he was buried between your thighs. The soft moans he could pull from you when your thighs quivered around his head, or the howling screams of pleasure and the gush of your completion that drove him to ecstasy himself more than once, when you rode his face. He would die your valiant steed if that was what you wanted. The way you would use him, his nose to rub against your bud and his tongue licked through your quivering folds, hands snaking round your thighs to suffocate him more. His hips would cant up, humping the air or the very breath you let out he did not know. But he would make himself a boy once more and spill untouched as you took your pleasure from him.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Before you wed Aemond was not experienced at all. He doesn’t think of what happened to him years ago as any kind of experience. Surely that wasn’t what his duty was, to lay with you would be different – and if it wasn’t maybe you could both carry on without it. But your first night together was different. He knew a lady should not be as experienced as the women in the streets but he was enamoured at your shy touches and looks as he held himself above you. As you explored your pleasure together Aemond found someone he could be truly vulnerable with, who would not mock or push him into doing something he did not wish to. Instead your shaking hands explored his firm lithe muscles, drawing soft fingertips down his back that made his hips jolt involuntarily into you.

F = Favourite position (this goes without saying)

Anywhere he can see your face. He’d take you in any position you asked him, or any that fit in the moment, but he’d never deny the most pleasure he gets is when he can see your face when you’re intimate. Missionary, when you’re lying in bed together in the evening – he can move you into whatever shape he wanted but he usually settles for hooking your leg over his hip, getting a better angle to thrust deeper into you. As much as he loves to control you movements and protect you he cannot deny the first morning you rolled him over and mounted him he prayed the gods would take him then and there so he could die in true bliss. Smoothing his hands over your curves as you lifted your linen shift over your head and rolled you hips – Aemonds breath was taken away from him.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Unsurprisingly he’s not goofy at all. Aemonds emotions have never come out of him in joyful giggles; the only emotion he���d ever let himself express fully before is anger. The most he has ever expressed in humour or light heartedness is when he first heard you whispering in broken High Valyrian to him as he had you against the door of the library. Your soft sighs of “kostilus … ñuha jorraelza, ñuha mēre … kostōba vala” made him beam with happiness against your neck, warmth and a tightness constricting his heart as he realised you had been practicing just for him. He showed his joy

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

His fine pale hairs that lightly trail down the lower half of his body, though they get slightly courser the closer to his cock and balls they get, barely mark any sort of maintenance – so he doesn’t really bother.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Aemond is far more romantic than anyone gives him credit for. Upon your marriage day, though both of you had barely spoken previously, he took your hand in his whilst you sat beside each other. Under the table where no one else could see and stroked the back of your hand with his thumb. On your wedding bed he covered your body with his own. Though there was no bedding ceremony, at Aemonds fiery insistence, he protected your modesty from the empty room with his bare back, your lower halves covered by a thin linen sheet as he settled himself between your legs. His hands often give away his softness towards you. Reaching out for you or lacing your fingers together as you lay with one another.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Aemond doesn’t really like using his fist. He’d much rather have you. When he’s away from you for any extended period he does, with grumbling regert, find that he’s more often than not stiff in the moring. A drawback to you awakening something within him and haunting his dreams whilst he is away. He groans in defeat as his hand trails down his abdomen. Stroking down his shaft before gripping it firmly. He’ll massage himself slowly, imagining you’re with him, doing it for him. Squeezing his balls in his other hand, he can make himself cum to the thought of your body, splayed out on your soft bed for him, calling to the gods only for him.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

He much prefers to be dominant when with you. Mostly because it gives him control over himself but when you fully submit to him he can’t deny it thrills him the most. It first happened one evening, he’d been training all day and had some small cuts and grazes to him. The soothing bath the servants had prepared was doing much to ease the tension in his muscles but the way you tended to him distracted him from true relaxation. You had dismissed the maids, insistent you could tend to your husband yourself, and watching you looking almost like a maid yourself, the steaming water curling strands of your hair that fell from your face. When he was settled in bed you tended to him further, not listening as he told you he’d rather you lay with him to rest – only yielding when he grabbed at your waist, curling his arm around you and pulling you back to bed. As much as you fought in protest at injuring him further Aemond overpowered you. Hiking your skirts up and pushing himself inside you before you could utter another word of rest. Your pretty moans spilled from you as he took you helplessly, loving how your arms relaxed in his grasp and you legs spread further at his intrusion. Yes, Aemond loved to take you.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Your bedroom or chambers are his favourite. He has the freedom to take you wherever and however you please without anyone disturbing you unannounced. He loves the intimacy and comfort of your bed, being able to move into any sort of position you want with ease. Though the balcony at sunrise was one of his most favourite memories. In the quiet of the morning light, with your balcony facing the countryside, open plains the spread towards Hayford and Roseby. Aemond remembers how the light touched your skin as he rolled your shift off your shoulders, pressing reverent kisses to your warm exposed skin as his other hand trailed up your thigh and between your legs.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

You. We’ve already gone over how Aemond had never thought of marriage as anything other than duty before you; and how your affection and love grew for one another after no more than mere months. His main motivation in wanting you at any time is that you understand him, you love him and he loves you. Of course this he can control day to day; but when your dress is a little more revealing than usual – exposing your neck to him and giving him a better view of your curves as you walk his eye drifts. When your hair is down in soft waves over your shoulders and back Aemond thinks of how it splays so nicely over your sheets, surrounding you like a halo as he treats you like his queen.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He would walk over hot coals if you asked him, but he hates the thought of every making you not feel good, or doing something that hurt or made you feel uncomfortable. He also hates the idea of being cornered and pushed into a situation he didn’t want. If you were to back him up into a corner and press yourself against him he would have no complaints what so ever; but if you were to do something he’s never done before without even speaking about it first he would go into an absolute panic and retreat back to the small boy he was the first time it happened.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

As we’ve discovered Aemond could die a happy man between your thighs, so he of course prefers giving. But receiving is still one of the pleasures of the flesh he was most surprised to find himself enjoying. His shoulders would untense as you took him into your hot mouth. The feel of your small tongue licking the underside of his large cock and his view of you taking more and more of him into your throat had the meat of this thighs straining. Kisses, he didn’t know kisses could feel so good going down his cock, his breath hitching as you swallowed one, the both of his testicles into your mouth, tongue rolling over and playing with them – laving them before trailing up to the throbbing tip of his cock once more. Seeing you suck so deliriously on his head tasting his seed in your mouth and watching it fall from your face, making a mess of his bride was something that broke the last restraint holding him back from bringing you the utmost pleasure.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He has had you every which way – often depending on the circumstances. And he likes both for different reasons. The thrill of taking you wildly where at any moment you may be discovered, or slowly and passionately pulling only the best of sounds from your throat through the entire night… he couldn’t pick.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

When the mood strikes Aemond loves to take you in a hurry. Knowing he can have you and make you cum quickly leaves him feeling triumphant, the thought that you were a perfectly serene lady only moments ago – he can leave you a wanton, moaning mess; hair falling down and blouse open. Thighs sticky with your combined mess as he fixes himself only a little to leave when called upon. The image of you holding yourself up against a wall burned into his eye for the rest of the day, all through council meetings and bartering talks with his brother; all he could think of was getting back to your rooms this eve.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

As a rule, Aemond would never want to expose you to any sort of risk. He was almost insistent that you would not be intimate anywhere other than your bedrooms; especially when goaded by his brother that surely he would take you everywhere within and outside of the castle walls now that he would finally get his end away. For the first few months of your marriage he maintained his composure, treating you with only the utmost respect as demanded by your marriage and status. But as you grew to know one another, and Aemond’s passion for you warmed as well as his regard for you as a confidant his will slowly slipped. It started with a passionate kiss in the darkened corridors of the keep, on the way back from a feast when you just couldn’t wait for one another. From there it progressed to more frequent instances where Aemond or yourself, would pull each other away from a task or a group, into s quiet corner where no one would notice your intimate embraces – Aemond laying soft kisses up your collarbone or along the back of your neckline. Of course once he gets a taste for the thrill of your love outside of the bedroom he gets all sorts of ideas. The library for one.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

His stamina is ridiculous. Once he worked out that sex is essentially a form of exercise, he almost starts treating it lie a challenge. How many times can he go, how much can he make you come before you’re begging him to stop.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He doesn’t want to use toys on you – or at least hasn’t discovered the pleasure of them yet. Your marriage is still young and he wishes to know your body fully with his own, wanting to pull as many beautiful sounds and finishes from you as possible.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He doesn’t enjoy teasing himself; he can just about bear when he sees you in the hall wearing one of his favourite dresses – the colour complimenting your tone and the cut of the bodice just slightly lower than normal, allowing him a view of the curve of your breast. Teasing isn’t something Aemond specifically seeks out in you, but when he realises that he has you on a precipice; and he sees the flush in your cheeks, quickness of breath, and the glazed look in your eyes he thinks he may just try and keep you that way for as long as possible – slowly drawing a firm thumb over your clit as he stills his cock inside you.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He’s not loud. Obviously – but he does groan softly. First when you kiss him, touch him, and spark his senses. He can smell your hair, taste the small amount of salt on your skin, feel your pulse under his lips as he trails them down your neck. When your hands wonder down to his cock he groans again, and once more when he first takes you. As the pace increases his breath will come out heavier, low rumbles that could be mistaken for thunder if your mind was elsewhere, growing into harsh pants as his hands grip onto you and passion overtakes him.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

When he finally got you pregnant with your first child he was terrified. He, like you, thought that when you conceived it would make him more deliriously happy than he had ever been, but a sense of dread almost immediately overcame him when he thought about how he was going to protect you as you grew his child in your belly. He retreated so fast you thought you had done something for him to hate you, or that the sight of your changing body had disgusted him. You were a sobbing mess for a week, causing the maesters to worry for your condition and the stress on the baby. It was only when one of your most loyal handmaidens searched out the Prince herself and explained your state, did he run as fast as he could to you. Barrelling passed the double guard he’d had at your doors since you announced to find you curled up in bed, face pressed into one of the last shirts he had worn to bed with you that still held some semblance of his scent. The noise sent you bolt upright, blinking back tears as you stared into the eye of your husband. His nostrils flaring as he berated himself internally for your current state. He slowly made his way towards you, kneeling on the bed gently as though you’d fly away if he moved faster, he surrounded you, taking you into his arms and holding you to his chest. The sobs you let out as you curled around him almost broke his heart in two, his eye welling up. After he explained why he had distanced himself from you he vowed to himself never to let you too far from him again – even if he thought it for the best it was not.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Oh we know.

The first time you were intimate with him on your wedding night you barely saw his cock; he was between your legs and covering you almost as soon as he had stripped himself of his clothes. Your first time close and intimate, which you were grateful for as you were shy yourself. Slowly though, as you lay together more, you discovered how truly beautiful he was all over. Your mother had, on the one occasion she discussed what married women are for, told you of what men had between their legs. She didn’t seem all that impressed herself and described it more like an overripe fruit that what his looked like. It was almost pretty, just like the rest of him. Flushed from the tip, a rosy pink colour much like the roses that grew in the gardens – you thought. Pale skin was un-marred and surrounded by fine silvery hairs. Even when soft, as you’d seen many times when he’d risen from a bath or laying together in the morning he was perfect.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Initially Aemond had trained his sex drive to be nearly non-existent. But after three moons had passed Aemond could not imagine not having you nearly every night. He could control himself well when in public, but if you found yourselves in a darkened corridor on the way back from a fest he could quite easily push you into a corner and have you right there; and then again when you did finally make it back to your rooms, tearing the stiff dress from your shoulders and kissing every inch of skin bared to him. He could be a very jealous man if you danced with the wrong lord.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

After your first night together, he didn’t want to go to sleep. You both lay next to one another, basking in each other’s eyes as you rolled to face each other. You were the first one to close your eyes, slipping closed with a small smile on your face as Aemond brushed a curl from your forehead. He curled an arm over your head, bringing you closer to his chest. He wanted to stay awake longer, wanted to watch your serene features as you slept. But exhaustion caught up to the exhilaration of the evenings activities. Aemonds eyes fluttered shut only five or so minutes after yours. Long lashes splaying across his high cheekbones and an uncharacteristically easy sigh leaving his throat.

[ramblingautisticman]

Everyone thinks that Wade has ADHD and that Logan is Autistic, but it's the other way around.

Wade has autism and Logan has ADHD.

(Part 1 : Autistic Wade.)

Wade hates change- he can handle change with warning- but not suddenly. If someone tells him they will be meeting at 2pm for lunch, they better be there at 2pm for lunch. Even a second later causes anxiety- and he will sit and stare at his Adventure Time watch until they come- every added second making him panic more internally.

He doesn't like certain textures. At all. It's why he makes half of his clothes- he can choose the fabric that he likes with no need to explain why he doesn't like other ones (other ones being denim. Wade hates denim with a burning passion and couldn't care less what other people say.)

Usually, he only has around 3 safe foods at a time. And they rarely change. It shifts between the same 10, and they have been the same 10 since he was a teenager. Chimichangas, Seeded Bagels, Tacos, Toast, Cereal (only 2 kinds), Chicken Nuggets, Rice, Pasta and Cheese. Wade counts cheese as its own food because he has sat and eaten a block for dinner before.

His routine is very important to him. Now, it's a messy seeming routine, but it's his routine, and he likes it. He gets up at 8 am every day (it used to be later, but then he started at the car dealership, and it had to change. It took him a good month to get used to it and feel okay about waking up at a different time.), goes for a piss and brushes his teeth, heads into to the kitchen and makes himself a bowl of cereal, then sits down on the couch while watching Adventure Time as he eats. He doesn't really mind what else happens during the day, until night time, where his routine kicks in again. He goes to the bathroom, brushes his teeth, and goes for a piss (he always pees before sleeping and after waking up. It limits needing to get up out of bed, and he hates leaving after he's all cozy.) before changing into his Wolverine pajamas and getting all cozy in bed to the sound of Golden Girls in the background.

Even though he is usually all jokes and innuendos, he still can sometimes misread body language and not notice when someone is being sarcastic. He had gotten better over the years- much better- but he still struggled with it sometimes. Wade never let on though, and luckily his whole making-jokes-and-wierd-comments-about-everything helped divert people away from noticing. It means that if he does misread a situation, he can just play it off as a joke and people believe him instantly.

Wade also deals with sensory issues and overstimulation- and on rare occasions meltdowns- but he has his way to deal with it. Atleast, he tries to deal with it (as much as he can anyway). He avoids sensory issues simply. Comfy clothing he likes the textures of, safe foods for every meal, avoiding bring in places he knows will get to him, headphones if it's too loud or if he needs more stimulation (he tends to blast music at deafening volumes if he is understimulated). And this means he mostly avoids overstimulation and subsequently meltdowns.

On the rare chance they do happen though, Wade usually ends up non-verbal. It makes it hard living with a blind person when that happens, but if he really needs to talk to Al he uses text to speech on his phone. He does want to speak, but his body just shuts down and is reduced to only basic functions. Breathing, blinking and sometimes eating if he can stomach it. So he learns how to finger spell in his free time (he doesn't expect anyone else too learn, mainly because he doesn't talk to people about his autism, but the idea of somehow being able to communicate without a phone or trying to force the words out is comforting) and it helps. Even if he doesn't have anyone to use it with. It settles that pit of anxiety of not being able to communicate. Luckily, it never lasts for long. The longest he has been nonverbal for was a whole day, but slowly he always gets his body back to its normal self.

He also has a huge horde of sensory toys and items. He has so many fidget spinners, tangles, squishys and anything else you can think off. Keeping his hands busy is a helpful stim for him (he has a tendency to do harmful stims and Al had yelled at him to find safe once), plus, he likes collecting any and all unicorn themed sensory toys. He also has a weighted blanket that helps him calm down. It's bright pink and covered in little Hello Kittys, and was something he had found late one night scrolling through some random ass online store.

And yes, Wade was diagnosed. He had been diagnosed when his parents found his behaviour odd as a kid and they'd gone to the doctor to see what was wrong. Apparently, they really weren't pleased with the answer, because he grew being told to be more normal. Being told to fit in more. It's why he masks (both figuratively and physically) so much, even as an adult. It didn't stop him from rambling about his hyperfiations or special interest, but he never used those kind of words. People just wrote him off as crazy and annoying (which he was) when he rambled about random things, but really, he was just info dumping.

It's why he likes Logan so much. Aside from the whole being madly inlove thing. Logan let's him ramble and he listens, he asks questions and adds to the discussion. Logan understands not liking certain textures and getting overwhelmed by bright lights or loud sounds (though, Wade didn't mind loud sounds too much). Logan never judges him for how he acts, for stimming, for when he couldn't speak. Logan takes it all in his stride and starts buying Wade unicorn themed fidget toys to add to the collection, he learns how to finger spell just incase Wade can't communicate one day, he buys Wade's safe foods and makes them for him whenever he wants. Logan even follows along with Wade's morning and night routines, doing it side by side with Wade.

It's refreshing to not be judged for any of these parts of him. It makes Wade love Logan more.

(The people who wanted this thank you! Hope you enjoyed more of my rambling! This is part one because it's so long. I'll post my ADHD Logan one soon, I promise! People who wanted to be tagged, here ya go! @flugsammy @intergalacticmaggot @6up-5oh-copout-procon)

[thedovesaredying]

Monsters in the Dark | Nikto x Reader | Part 2

Second chapter of the Cowboy!Nikto AU. Written from the POV of Nikto this time. A reminder once again that there's a prologue and "part 1" is only the first full chapter. The original cowboy AU is owned and created by @ghouljams.

A/N: I'm a day late on my estimation for when it would be done, but life decided to get me sick, busy with uni work, and put one of my legs completely out of action. I also realized about 3 husbandry manuals deep into my research that the chapter would be a bit too long if I included that much information. Instead, the info will be sprinkled in among the next few chapters.

Warnings: Sputnik being a silly girl.

Masterlist: CoD Masterlist

First | Prev | Next

The weather is downright miserable. While one might assume the worst weather would be torrential rain or unforgiving hail, Nikto is firmly of the belief that there’s nothing worse than a hot, sunny day. It’s hard enough to be constantly covered from head to toe, but to then add on the Texan sun beating down at its full strength? He’s certain he’ll be nothing more than a puddle of sweat by the end of the day.  

At least Sputnik seems to be enjoying the disgusting temperatures. She’s running around the front of the property, completely unfazed by the heat. She welcomes it, in fact, using it as the perfect excuse to paddle into the large dam for a cool swim at the day’s warmest.  

Her paws are caked with mud and grass, so much to her sadness she’s been barred from entering the house, forced to wait until she’s dried off and all the muck has fallen off of her paws. If she’s still dirty by the end of the day then a quick hosing down will be in order, but she’ll likely consider that a fun game too.  

For now, she’s content to lay stretched out on the porch, her side rapidly rising and falling as she pants.  

The weather isn’t the only thing that’s miserable, however. Nikto’s mood has been foul ever since his forced trip into town for new supplies. A certain hyena had decided that she was bored while her owner was away and had decided to chew a rather large hole in the wall of the shed.  

The hole was easily large enough for her to climb through and so, after having already spent most of the day hard at work, Nikto was forced to leave for the only hardware store in town. Some new planks of wood and a hammer not riddled with rust later, and he’s reminded of the invoice he received the vet clinic a few days prior and has also yet to pay for.  

He’s not quite sure what possessed him to go to the clinic in person, but he was disappointed regardless with what greeted him. The receptionist was painfully cheery and seemed determined to dig into his business with her endless questions. He’d left feeling completely drained from only a single conversation with the woman. You hadn’t been there. He can’t fathom why that annoys him so much.  

The hole in the shed was simple enough to fix, even under the intensity of the sweltering heat, but the issue of Sputnik remains.  

Clearly, he can’t leave her unattended for several hours at a time just for work. She’s never had to entertain herself in such an environment and clearly, it’s stressing her out being without her only packmate. She requires both social interaction and physical activity, but above all of that, needs mental stimulation.  

Like a toddler left without a guardian, Sputnik has decided that she can tear apart the house and garden while unattended. Plants have been torn out of the ground, wooden structures gnawed to bits, and most concerningly, large holes dug along the fence line.  

The situation is far from ideal, but Nikto does not abandon his own. He isn’t like those bastards at the CIA who are willing to leave those loyal to them knowing full well they will perish without help. He made that decision a long time ago, and Sputnik’s very name is a tribute to that.  

It was only three years ago, but it felt like eons. It started with a small enemy group hidden deep within the South African wilderness who were utilising spotted hyenas as guard animals. Nikto and his team had cut through the animals both outside and inside the building, even the ones hidden away in the basement below. 

In the end, only a single cub remained; a tiny girl still nestled up against the steadily cooling body of her mother. She couldn’t have been more than a week or two of age, bright eyed as all hyena newborns are, and covered in scraggly fur.  

The other men on the team planned on putting the animal out of her misery, but the sight gave Nikto pause. She was small and defenceless, and abandoned by her cowardly handlers to be killed by their enemy. It was a story he couldn’t help but find familiar. Picking up the infant, she snuggles into his vest, completely trusting of him despite not having known him for more than a few seconds.  

She whines and licks at him as he tucks her into his shirt, safe and warm pressed up against scarred skin. No one says a word, when he leaves the compound with the cub and boards the waiting helicopter for the trip back to base.  

His first thought was to name her Laika, but that name seemed a little too common for his taste, and so he chose Sputnik, the name of Laika’s space capsule and eventual tomb. A tribute to yet another stray who was left behind by those who should have protected her.  

Sputnik would not suffer the same fate; she would never be disregarded like a broken toy thrown into the trash. She’s good, she’s loyal, she trusts Nikto unconditionally. Destroying a bit of property would never be a reason to break that trust.  

Instead, he presses dial on your number and holds his phone to his ear. He’s been thinking it over for several minutes, finger hovering over the button with your contact listed, before forcing himself to press it. For a long while it rings and he’s about to give up when you finally answer with a bright greeting to whoever is on the other side.  

He grunts out your name, listening as you happily chirp his own back at him in return. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” you ask. He can hear the soft rumbling of a car’s engine in the background and can only assume you’re driving somewhere.  

“I require... assistance,” he says after a long pause, letting the conversation drift into silence. While it isn’t necessarily help he’s asking for, it still rankles deeply that he isn’t solving the issue alone. He despises being indebted to anyone for anything, but for some reason he doesn’t get the feeling you’re out to acquire favours from anyone. You’re a professional merely doing what you’re trained for and nothing more. He can admire that.  

“What can I help you with? Is Sputnik alright?” You sound so genuinely concerned about her, so much so that it sounds like you almost drop your phone.  

He glances down at the hyena laying happily at his feet, panting up at him with a broad grin. “She is fine,” he confirms, catching the relieved sigh you let out, “it is behavioural issues she is dealing with.”  

You make a soft sound, clearly intrigued, “well, I’m on the road at the moment heading toward my next appointment, but I should have time to drop in to your place in a few hours. Will you be around then?”  

“да,” he hums, “we will be here.”  

“Perfect! I’ll be there in a few,” you confirm, and after offering an acknowledging grunt, he ends the call.  

He goes to pocket the phone but pauses, glancing at your number. Mulling it over for a good long while, he selects the number and adds it to his contacts. There’s only two other people there, one of them his current workplace and the other one of his old acquaintances from before even his time in KorTac.  

A rather dramatic huff from Sputnik draws his attention from staring at his phone, and he watches her with hidden amusement as she rolls over onto her stomach. She looks up at him with big, sad eyes and a pathetic whine. When he merely rolls his eyes at her she playfully snaps her teeth in his direction.  

“Я не знал, что ты такая королева драмы,” he growls back, curling the undamaged part of his lip at her.  

The hyena, fortunately, can tell he’s still joking despite his deadpan tone and leaps to her feet with a delighted cackle. She shakes out her coat, biting at the air. The moment he so much as twitches a finger in her direction she turns and leaps off the top of the deck, forgoing the stairs so she can sprint across the yard.  

Nikto stands from his chair but doesn’t give chase, watching as the crazy animal spins around in circles before darting off toward the dam again. She dives into the water with a splash, sending muddy water in all directions. He cringes slightly at the sight of the hyena now dripping with muck. At least he was already planning on hosing her down. The rest of the afternoon passes slowly, with Nikto taking some time to rest while Sputnik causes minimal trouble.  

When your car finally does pull up, the poor girl has exhausted herself again, laying in a pile of leaves while she happily naps away. The moment her flicking ears pick up the sound of your truck on the gravel she jumps up again, eyes wide as she takes in the familiar sight. She’s already giggling to herself with excitement, looking between Nikto and your vehicle.  

“место!” Nikto calls, ignoring the sad whimper that earns. He approaches when you pull up, patiently waiting as you drop out of the front seat and close the door behind you.  

When you spot him, you offer a wave and grin, “hey, Nikto!” You take a moment to glance over at Sputnik and he can see her near enough vibrating with how excited she is to come over and greet you out of the corner of her eye. “How’ve you been doing?” you stop just before him, looking him right in the eye, completely unfazed by the monster you’re facing down.  

“We are fine,” he says, perhaps a little too firmly given the way you blink at him, “we require some assistance with behavioural issues.” He quickly amends his statement in the hopes of not immediately scaring you off.  

Fortunately, you’re quick to bounce back, a smile returning to your face, “of course, what sorts of problems are you experiencing?”  

“Спутник!” The hyena’s head shoots up upon hearing her name, “ко мне!” She sprints across the grass, very nearly crashing into his legs with her enthusiasm to heed her owner’s command. “She is getting bored when left alone,” he explains, watching as you reach your hand out for the hyena, “eating walls, digging holes, breaking everything she can reach.”  

Sputnik snuffles at your hand, before whining and immediately shifting to lean up against you, demanding pets. You scratch behind her neck and Sputnik’s tongue lolls out of her mouth in delight. “I’m sure we can work something out to help prevent her from damaging anything else or accidentally eating something she shouldn’t be.”  

“She struggles when left alone, especially during work hours,” he adds on, turning and starting to stalk toward the side of the house where the majority of the damage can be seen.  

“Okay, well she sounds like she just needs some enrichment to keep her occupied while you’re away,” you nod to yourself as you follow Nikto around to the side of the house. Several of the small plants that had been happily growing in little spots around the yard have been either pulled from the soil or completely shredded if they couldn’t be moved.  

You look at the scattered remains of the poor shed’s wall, but don’t look entirely surprised by the backyard warzone you’ve stepped into. You frown down at Sputnik, scratching her between the ears, “what a silly girl,” you coo, rubbing at her ears as the hyena grins up at you with half-lidded eyes, “you shouldn’t be eating all this stuff, it’ll make your tummy sore!” 

Somehow, your baby-talk voice just serves to make Sputnik even giddier, and she eagerly licks at the tips of your fingers. Nikto almost rolls his eyes at the little heart eyes the animal is subjecting you to. It’s impressive, really, how she can remember someone is a friend from only a single interaction.  

When you snap back from your babying of the animal, you quickly refocus. “Hyenas have very powerful jaws, and they love to chew things, so if she doesn’t have enough to keep her entertained then she’ll find something to destroy.”  

“She was given an old tyre a few weeks ago, but it only lasted a few days.” To say he was deeply unimpressed with how quickly she’d torn it to pieces would be an understatement. He knew that Sputnik had quite the bite on her, but to chomp through nine millimetres of rubber like it’s cardboard? Impressive, if a little annoying.  

“How big is your freezer?” you abruptly ask him, and Nikto suddenly worries where this line of questioning is going. Does he need to check the trunk of your car? Regardless, he offers you a nod.  

“Perfect!” You clap your hands together, making Sputnik jump excitedly at the sudden sound, “it’s supposed to be quite hot tomorrow, so I can think of at least one idea for her.” You start listing out what the two of you are going to do rapid-fire with the same confidence and efficiency of any commanding officer.  

You’re in your element, your passion for your work clear as day and you have him following your every instruction. You’re like a fount of knowledge when it comes to anything and everything husbandry related, suggesting changes to Sputnik’s diet, new toys to keep her entertained, and ways to prevent her from destroying anything she really shouldn’t be messing with.  

When you finally end up leaving, it’s long past sundown. Sputnik has grown bored of watching the two of you working in the shed and has retired to her massive dog bed for a nap, so the two of you have been working in comfortable silence. He’s glad you don’t feel the need to fill the air with irritating chatter, only offering corrections here and there.  

He escorts you to back to your truck, closing your door behind you once you’re settled comfortably into the driver’s seat. You roll down the window and offer him a grin, but he can see just how tired you are given how your eyes are slightly drooped. “How much do we owe?” he asks, quickly tearing his gaze from your sweet smile.  

Little wrinkles appear across your forehead as your lips turn downward, an innocent, confused look on your face, “owe you?” 

He resists the urge to roll his eyes and instead just huffs in mild amusement, “payment, for your work.” 

Your eyes light up in understanding and you laugh, “oh, no, don’t worry about that,” you wave him off, “I’m just happy to help out.” You just smile up at him, as if you can’t see anything wrong with what you just said.  

Nikto is forced to remind himself that you’re a civilian, not another untrustworthy operator. Not everyone does things purely for the pay they’ll be rewarded with, even if the very thought of not giving you something in return makes him uncomfortable. He holds his hand out to you, “phone.”  

You blink at him for a second, but quickly do as you’re told, just like the good girl you are. He goes into your contacts and adds his number and details, hitting save the moment he’s done. He doesn’t bother adding a picture, passing your phone back to you, “call us when you require assistance.” He waits until you offer him a nod before he steps back from the side of the car.  

You have an odd, flustered look on your face for some reason, but you’re quick to snap out of whatever daze you're in and give him a quick wave as you put your truck into reverse. He watches silently as you disappear back down the driveway and into the steadily darkening evening, waiting until you’re out of sight.  

Sputnik is absolutely delighted the following morning when Nikto presents her with her blood and peanut butter ice block.

-

Translations

“да,” - “Yes” 

“Я не знал, что ты такая королева драмы,” - “I didn't know you were such a drama queen,”  

“место!” - “Stay!” 

“Спутник!” - “Sputnik!” 

“ко мне!” - “Come!”  

[queerian]

in response to the call for discussion on stone identities

prompted by last week's stream with @drdemonprince and @testdevice

this post is about sex and it's very personal! feel free to ignore if very personal essays about sex from your internet friends or strangers is not your idea of a good time

What does sex look like for you, and what brings you the most pleasure or gratification from it?

It starts with a sensory warmup. My partner touches me gently and slowly in a way that wakes my body up to pleasure. I do not get aroused without either being touched this way or thinking about some extremely specific niche freak kink shit. I tend to be nonverbal during sex, unless I need to break "scene" and communicate something specific purposefully, but sometimes it's hard for me to find my words again. Even without speaking I am very expressive. My partner can tell from my reactions when an escalation would be enjoyable. They use their hands and toys. They are very good with their hands, and we have a LOT of toys and other paraphernalia. I had never had an orgasm, at all, in my life, til we did things this way. It is an intense physical pleasure extended to far longer than I can manage by myself during solo activities, sometimes for hours. It allows me to stop my over-analytical thinking brain for a while and sink into sensation and feeling and being in my body, which most of the time I feel disconnected from (thanks alexithymia!) or troubled by. I do think of it as a somewhat meditative state. This kind of sex is also extremely collaborative and intimate. There is a huge amount of trust and being "in tune" with each other.

Is your stone identity related to sensory issues, neurodivergence, or trauma?

All three! I was never coerced into sex by individual partners, but "sex positive" culture (if you were with me you'd see the face I make while doing the scare quotes) has been coercive enough to traumatize me into believing that I am a bad person if I don't "give as good as I get" and that I'm a terrible person if I don't want to reciprocate stimulation in sex. I've been working on this one for years. It still has its claws in me.

Sensory issues make certain sex activities unpleasant or not enjoyable for me, and I appreciate now being able to choose to not do them. For example open mouth kissing. I like kissing skin in some body places, I like having some of my body parts kissed, but I do not like sharing saliva or breath. I've always been very picky about what goes in my mouth for sensory reasons, and that's not just a sex thing. On the other hand, other kinds of sensory stimulation in sex can be extremely pleasurable for me. I also tend to keep my eyes closed the entire time (I avoid eye contact at the best of times but in sex it's uhhhhhh even more Too Intense) and this lets me sink into other sensory experiences more intensely.

The neurodivergence bit I think is pretty clear from everything else I've said in this piece of writing.

How did you figure out you were stone?

I once turned to aceness as a way of trying to validate myself at the same time as problematizing my own lack of "appropriate" desire. "It is it wrong of me to not want to touch someone's genitals, whatever they may be, to not want to get them off, to not even let them get themselves off using my body, and it's wrong of me to not desire them carnally, to not be obsessed with and fulfilled by them romantically. Thus, I must be ace and aro, because that means it's okay to not want all that sometimes or all the time."

I've come to call myself a "stone bottom" in a deliberate effort of self-acceptance and self-validation. I was long aware of the idea of a stone top, a touch-me-not, someone who derives pleasure and gratification from getting her/their partners off but does not want to be fucked or gotten off. I don't recall seeing anyone else identify as a stone bottom, but as a mirror image of a stone top it makes perfect sense to me: someone who derives pleasure and gratification from being gotten off, from being touched or fucked, but does not want to get their partners off. I think I've only ever seen that called "selfish" unless it was in a power exchange scenario and part of dominance and submission.

Are you a gay man who identifies as stone, or a stone bottom, or some other identity that's less often talked about?

I'm non-binary/agender and generally perceived by society as a woman. I have a vagina. I've only ever had sex with people who have penises. I feel like it's pretty unusual for me to be a person with a vagina having sex with a person who has a penis and the penis is not involved at all in the sex. With previous partners, it's not just that it was expected that at some point they would be sticking it in me, it's that I never got to opt out of someone else using me, even gently, lovingly, and with attention to my pleasure. See aforementioned cultural trauma, lol. Reciprocation simply was not something I could abstain from without being a Grade A Asshole. Back then, I didn't even "actively want to not reciprocate". I wanted to be "good, giving, and game", like Dan Savage wrote you should be in his column that I read in my hunger to know more about sex and be having it a "correct, right" way. I wasn't yearning to be a stone bottom. I didn't know that was even an option. I didn't know it was possible to be a pillow princess and to have a partner that enjoyed this kind of sex, for it not to be a chore or imposition on them, and for this kind of sex to be a mutual sharing of intimacy.

Plenty of people buck the stereotypical straight cis sex scenario of "man (penis haver) does a little "foreplay" for the woman (vagina haver) to get her ready for the main event (penis in vagina), which they do til he ejaculates, and if she's lucky he'll eat her out or rub her clit and she might also get an orgasm." There's a thriving counter-culture where "reciprocal sexual gratification" is emphasized, all sorts of books and guides and tips and porn showing how important it is that "she comes first" or whatever, but most of it still centres around the point that "reciprocity is essential to not being an asshole". If he's an asshole for not appropriately tending to her pleasure, surely she would be, too, for ignoring his. And I really, really strongly internalized the belief that if I am not reciprocating, I am an unforgivable asshole. There's something, too, about the lack of "balance" that has long made me feel morally incorrect. (Points again at the neurodivergence.)

Is it a struggle to get partners to respect it?

I have not dated much, and I have not fucked much, mostly because I did not want to do either of those things enough to do less interesting or more tiresome things in order to achieve sex or dating. I also rarely experience what I'll call "sufficiently motivating attraction". I currently identify as nebulously "somewhere" on the asexual and aromantic spectra, and this is inseparable from the stone bottom/pillow princess situation. All of this is also wrapped up in my one ongoing relationship with my partner. I honestly don't know how differently things would be with another partner. I suspect I have facets that come out in different contexts, in response to different people and my feelings about them. What I do know with confidence is that my partner respects me, understands me quite well, and we communicate openly and frequently about things. I trust that if they have an issue with the current situation, they'll bring it up and we can talk about it and work on things. I trust that every time we have sex, they're initiating because they want to just as I can decline if and when I want to. I particularly appreciate the fact that I don't have to be an object of desire. That they can enjoy making me feel good, and it's not about "having" me. The very fact that someone just wants to make me feel good, over and over again, is pretty mind-blowing.

[theriu]

What advice do you have for someone who wishes to (eventually, as soon as she has both the space and the money) have a cat, but who has never had a pet before?

Oh goodness, I don’t feel like an expert but I will do my best! Here’s a few tips I can think of from my own experiences:

1) Decide how okay you are with shedding. Of my two cats, the long-haired one obviously sheds a lot more noticeably, and it can be a bit aggravating to find clumps of fur all over the carpet. Hard floors can make this less of a nuisance since you can sweep it up easily, but if you have a lot of carpet, I’d suggest a short-hair cat unless you just SUPER LOVE long-hairs. Of course, my cats were both strays so those kinds of considerations didn’t really factor in. 😅

2. Determine if you want a cat that is indoor/outdoor or indoor only. Now, there is a lot of argument against letting cats run free outdoors, but I used to live out on a farm right next to a trailer park full of stray cats, so a few more (all fixed) weren’t going to make much difference to the local wildlife. Once I moved into town, though, I rehomed my one cat I knew would be miserable being indoor-only, and the other two have adapted pretty well to being indoor cats. (They do try and sneak out the door sometimes, though.) I did this mainly because risks like being hit by cars or being mistaken for a stray and adopted by some well-meaning person are much higher in town. They are still risks elsewhere, though, so keep a collar on your cat, and consider getting it microchipped. Also, know that you will probably need to get the cat some extra shots, for diseases they can only get outside. Also also, make sure you spay/neuter! (The kitten issue aside, female cats are so WEIRD when they are in heat!)

For indoor cats, my house has stairs the cats can run up and down and they seem to stay in good shape, but just make sure they have some kind of ability to exercise if they can’t run much. Stimulating things like feeder dishes that make the cat work for its food can help mentally and with keeping them from overeating. (I got this neat feeding bowl that is actually a holder of five cups of varying sizes that get filled with food, and the cats have to paw it out of the cups. It’s really helped with how fast they were eating.)

3. Cats have very different personalities, so I think it’s good to try and figure out what a cat is like before adopting it. I kept all my cats because they were really friendly compared to other cats I had known. Of course, there is the issue where my two current cats don’t always get along, but they at least don’t get into full-on brawls. But if you don’t have any other pets when you get the cat, this should be easier - you only have to get it used to you! Cats don’t always show friendlieness by cuddling; a lot of times, they just want to be in the room with you. But if you’re looking for a cuddler, see if you can find one that isn’t too afraid of people and will come right up for petting. When introducing it to your home, give it plenty of space and time to get used to its new surroundings and roommate.

4. Remembering to feed and water and change the cat litter can be hard, especially if you have ADHD. >.> My solution on the water front has been to fill a large decorative bowl in the living room and the cats just drink off that. XD For the food, Stormy will always remind me when she thinks the food is low (this is generally a false alarm the first couple times, the drama queen). Make sure you clean the litter box frequently, or the cats may find other, less agreeable locations to go. 8/ (Such as, oh I don’t know, INSIDE THE DRYER ON MY CLEAN LAUNDRY) If your cat does pee somewhere, you want to get those pet cleaner sprays because they break down the stinky enzymes that make cat pee smell so bad for so LONG.

5. As mentioned, some cats are cuddlier than others, but here’s a few general tips on cat behavior: a slow blink is how they show they trust you. A cat rolling onto its back is also showing trust that you WON’T touch its vulnerable belly (but some cats do actually learn to love tummy rubs; you kinda have to figure that one out on a cat-by-cat basis). They often like being petted on the area over the hindquarters near the base of the tail, but they also have a lot of nerves there and can get overstimulated, so if a cat goes from letting you pet it to trying to bite your hand, it is probably telling you that petting needs to stop NOW because its nerves are going CRAZY. This can also involve some trial and error; my former cat Clyde still sometimes knee-jerk reacts to being petted, but my sister says he has never done it to her, so we think she just pets less firmly than I do. Meanwhile, Shuri has NEVER reacted poorly to petting, and in fact would love nothing more than for me to spend an hour petting her so hard that she squishes into the mattress.

6. Don’t waste money on fancy cat toys unless you have some indication your cat likes that kind of toy. (This may be different if you raise them with the fancy toys from kittenhood; mine were both strays and are Very Suspicous of anything fancy I get them.) Laser pointers are an INSTANT FAVORITE and only cost a few dollars! And a dangly thing on a string can usually get them excited. Cats will often prefer a plain cardboard box over a fancy catbed, but they like pillows and piles of clothes and chairs and couches and people beds. And sometimes the round puzzle you put together on top of your hope chest, because Borders Are Safe Zones.

7. GET SCRATCHING POSTS OR THEY WILL MAKE THEIR OWN. (They will probably make their own anyway; my couch is regretably covered in claw marks. But the scratching posts at least help slow the deterioration.) Fun Fact: Cats don’t use scratching posts to “sharpen” their claws, but rather to rub off the outer layers on their claws. If you trim your cat’s claws yourself, you may notice how the claws kind of flake off when clipped. Be very careful not to cut into the quick (the blood vessel) when trimming! If your cat strongly opposes this process, the vet can do it for you for a small fee, but I generally just wrap mine up in a towel and make them suffer the indignity. It’s cheaper for me and less stressful for them than a long car trip and a visit to the strange vet’s office would be. (And they always forgive me pretty immediately after I release them. I cannot speak for cats that may hold grudges.)

I’m sure I haven’t covered even a tenth of the useful info, but I hope these are helpful and that you find just the right cat buddy in the future! 😄

[hoverboards-and-dragons]

Do you think ppl in this fandom infantilize Lucifer? I often see some fans (Cough Lilith Haters cough) treat him like he’s nothing but a helpless uwu baby. Like dude he fought against Adam (The only one who should be calling him baby is Lilith-)

Throws chair holy fu cking shit yes

'Lucifer would be horrified to discover ducks' corkscrew dicks but also he designed them' Pee your Pants now, your fav has weird little girl picking up worms energy and you should be grateful for that

Honestly this issue annoys me most in discussions around the Eden incident because I think the potential is downright fascinating only for the actual rebellion of their actions to be overlooked

Like, shippers have been making the Short One a weak little submissive twink cause they don't know how to write interesting relationships since the dawn of time, Adamsapple fans just found out about being tall and a bottom at the same time and they have yet to shut up about it. If thats what gets them off whatever

but in other contexts? like come on, someone engage with the text with me

He tried to break humans free from heaven's control, regardless of the introduction of evil, that was a direct confrontation

No, Lucifer hasn't deconstructed his bias properly but that doesn't mean he likes Heaven, there should be more hostility, that man is a wet blanket for exclusively Charlie(and not even always) and is so very irritating sometimes on purpose sometimes on accident to everyone else and he is very unapologetic about it

He's a cunt! He's an almost entirely self focused annoying cunt and was a dismissive father for years, My Beloved

I get really turned off by any depiction of Lucifer as a younger sibling/ apprentice/etc figure now just cause like, the actual issue is never tackled in those, he just cries and is hugged better

There's a lot misrepresentations of mental illness too, like he has stimulation seeking depression its weird when hes morose and apathetic, i miss my overly dramatic attention whore performer hurling around ducks that displease him, also the suicidal thoughts tend to be written poorly which is offputting when you've dealt with them before

the Adam scene is interesting cause Lucifer clearly knows his power, it makes sense Char doesn't have a grasp on her rank but Lucifer knew Adam didn't have a shot against him

Lucilith fans aren't even that much better, like how many are just 'Lucifer is sooo cute and sweet and innocence and childlike wonder and Lilith wants to fuck him so bad about it'

ive seen a lot of Lilith taking care of drunk Lucifer, I have yet to see any drunk Lilith just saying

Maybe i'm just too invested my tarnished divinity dynamic but im bored of that shit, let's cracks them open and see whats wrong with them already

I've really come to appreciate Lucifer writing in the show after all the caricatures he's spawned, only a truly interesting and nuanced character could be interpreted this badly in this many different ways

[whentherewerebicycles]

baby had his four-month vaccines today and did very well! some betrayed screaming (he looks so much like my italian grandmother when he's furious it's kind of hilarious) but he always returns pretty easily to equilibrium if you cuddle him a bit. chill little dude! i love that little guy.

he is napping now and i should be doing student work but instead i am going to do some reflective journaling about Parenting. i have not been writing about Parenting very much in My Public Diary for a number of reasons and i thought it might be useful to write through that hesitation a bit.

liz and i have talked a lot about how we imagine the emotional experience of parenting is going to feel a lot like the emotional experience of teaching. (bear with me on this tangent as i promise it circles back.) teaching is one of the best, most rewarding, most purposeful forms of work in the world, but you really earn the emotional highs through facing the extreme emotional lows lol. in teaching, you get very little external feedback on how you are doing. you have to trust your gut a lot and figure things out on the fly in the absence of genuinely helpful institutional support. you make a lot of mistakes (sometimes quite big ones) and you feel stupid and guilty about those mistakes (sometimes for years!). teaching feels intensely personal, both because you pour a ton of your own personality into it and because kids' reactions to their classroom experience are often framed as reactions to you personally (ie if they hate your rules or the way you do things or the subject matter you are teaching or the way you address disciplinary issues, they are often going to react in ways that feel like: I Hate You, Person Who Embodies The Things I Dislike or Feel Uncomfortable With). as a teacher there are SO many opportunities for public humiliation, in big and small ways. like, you are basically just on stage every day in front of kids who often did not choose to be there and do not always have a strong motivation to give you any positive reinforcement at all lol. also, while sometimes you are lucky and find really supportive teacher communities, you are also sometimes unlucky and find yourself in school environments where other teachers are really critical of each other or hostile to different approaches or so sensitive/defensive about their own work that even talking about teaching strategies together can feel super fraught. oh and also you have to deal with so much cultural NOISE because everyone thinks they can do their job better than you or knows how your job should be done even if they've never set foot in front of a classroom.

so often in teaching you find yourself facing a challenging audience, without much or any institutional support, with minimal external feedback on your work apart from the intensely emotional I Love You!/I Hate You! gut reactions you get from kids, in professional environments where trying to talk openly about your work or others' work can make people real real prickly real fast. this is obviously a skewed-negative framing (there are so many WONDERFUL things about teaching! the challenges are incredibly intellectually stimulating and push you to grow emotionally in ways that few professions do! the relationships you form with kids and with teachers who also genuinely love the work are unbelievably enriching and life-affirming!). but that's the way teaching can feel at its hardest.

i think that parenting, or thinking and talking about parenting, is probably going to feel a LOT like that at times. like, you are going to get LOTS of feedback on your parenting style from your kid... but that feedback is going to often be really personal and emotion-driven, and it will also be delivered by someone whose prefrontal cortex has not finished developing yet. there is no system of performance assessments where you can get feedback from a trusted "colleague" or recognized authority figure. we do not have strong cultural or institutional resources for coaching parents or helping them learn how to parent in more effective ways. and even the definition of "effective" is going to vary HUGELY from parent to parent, since we all choose to center different values in our parenting and to prioritize different life outcomes (just as teachers might choose to prioritize different learning outcomes and so emphasize different things in their work). i assume that parenting is also going to involve managing feelings of humiliation, guilt, shame, etc. at some points (even as it also offers incredible highs!). and of course there is an absolutely overwhelming amount of cultural noise around parenting styles etc especially online... and it's even more fraught than the cultural noise around teaching because at least with teaching the framing isn't "if you don't do exactly what I think is best you are going to permanently scar your child and irreparably damage their prospects in life." and then idk also just hard to talk to other parents about parenting even though i desperately want to! i want to talk these things out with people who are currently navigating similar issues or have just been through the same thing, as well as with people whose children are much older and who have had the time and distance to reflect on their experiences. but it can feel soooooo emotionally vulnerable to talk about your parenting values or your reasoning for doing things, in part because people can get super defensive about their own values or reasoning for doing something, even if you are not criticizing them for doing something differently.

anyway. this is all a long way of saying: i can't make sense of my own lived experiences if i'm not writing my way through them. writing is the way i untangle what i'm feeling and make decisions about how i want to move forward. i am also someone who craves detailed frameworks or mental schemas for what i'm doing. i don't want rigid rules, but i do want to have a loose, flexible mental framework that guides my decision-making. i want to think about the big questions a lot when i'm in a calm reflective headspace so that when i'm under immense pressure or in an emotionally fraught situation i can try to make choices that aren't just knee-jerk reactions but are aligned with the bigger-picture values and longer-term outcomes that matter to me. i also find a lot of value in documenting where my head and heart are at in a particular moment, even if i acknowledge that my thinking about things will evolve over time as i have new experiences or learn new things.

long circular way of getting to the question: why do i fear writing about parenting online? short answer:

I'm afraid of feeling judged!

I'm afraid of coming off as naive/stupid! I feel like so much of our cultural rhetoric around parenting is like, "you think being PREGNANT is hard? try having a NEWBORN! you think having a NEWBORN is hard? try having a TODDLER! you think having a TODDLER is hard? try having a PRETEEN. you think having a PRETEEN is hard? well you're gonna HATE how SHITTY and OVERWHELMED and INADEQUATE you feel when you have a TEENAGER!!!" and so on forever and ever. there's so little generosity or empathetic curiosity in the way we talk to & about parents or people who want to be parents. some of that is true! you can't really know something until you've lived it yourself, and idk, a lot of it IS hard. but i think often the way we talk to each other about parenting, or the way people talk to new parents in particular about parenting, gets kinda clouded by our emotional defensiveness around parenting and the general negativity with which we speak about parenting.

I'm afraid of making other people feel judged if I do things differently than they do or if I seem to be having an easier time with a particular stage.

however! here are some counterpoints:

people will judge you for anything and everything. who cares! i also think that carving out space for sustained reflection around parenting is going to help me feel more secure in my choices and therefore less scared about being judged. if i know why i am doing things and feel reasonably confident in my choices, i am less vulnerable to being emotionally buffeted around by the general cultural noise or other people's strong opinions.

feeling scared of looking stupid/naive/inexperienced is suuuch a core fear of mine lol. i really relish feeling competent and having others perceive me as competent. but this core fear is also a core thing i want to work on in myself. learning how to do something new (especially when the stakes feel so high!!) is hard, messy, vulnerable work. all learners entering a new sphere of knowledge bring with them preconceptions that will seem ill-founded or incomplete to more experienced practitioners. totally normal. totally not something to be embarrassed about. the goal is not to get it exactly right & be an expert the first time you try something. the goal is to be engaged in a lifelong process of learning, trying, reflecting, reconsidering, trying again, evaluating other approaches or perspectives, etc etc. i am sure that i will often write about parenting in the self-assured, know-it-all tones of a novice learner who's absorbed just enough to be really stupid about it lol. but life will teach me. i will learn to moderate my positions, to reconsider certainties i held sacrosanct, and to respect ways of addressing challenges that are very different from my own. but you can't do that from the sidelines or from that relentlessly bird's eye view/meta mode i love to inhabit. you gotta get in there and live it. gotta look like a dumbass in front of people and then get over yourself and become less of a dumbass in time. no way but through.

lastly, re: not wanting to make other people feel judged: I can't control how other people react to me! I can take care to try to be less of a serenely self-assured dumbass (lol) and to write about my own parenting choices in ways that communicate respect for other people's choices. but people can also just choose to not engage with stuff that isn't for them. or they can gently push back on what i say if that's important to them to see other perspectives acknowledged. that's ok! that's great.

idk. this is getting quite long! but as always, it was helpful for me to write through it -- and i guess maybe also helpful to give a sort of upfront disclaimer: I'm going to be writing a lot about parenting, probably for a while, because I find it endlessly interesting to think about and because this is the dedicated space where I think out loud about stuff. I'm going to be learning and reevaluating the way I think about different aspects of parenting as I go, and I'm going to give myself the space and grace to change my mind as I learn more and have new experiences. my decisions and reflections are specific to my life, my beliefs, and my context and are not meant to be generalized judgments on the "best" way to parent. they're just my choices. but also, inevitably, thinking about my personal decisions will involve thinking about the parenting cultures in which I am immersed and reflecting on why I might want to do things differently or develop different frameworks. so yeah. here we go! more to come but i really gotta get some work done before this baby wakes up.

[kob131]

Lily Orchard and Pokemon: Gen 1

Because the only response to this video should not be a four hour react stream highlight reel.

So Lily Orchard made a retrospective video on Pokemon...9 months ago that has risen back into prominence due to a Youtuber making a video on it, criticizing it.

It's also, again, a four hour video that's just a highlight reel of him reacting in real time to the video. Personally, I can't stand this kind of video so...

Here's what I have to say.

<---------------------------------------------------------------------------->

"Gen 1 bashing is done without merit!"

Lily argues that people bashing Gen 1 are doing so without any kind of merit, pointing out people complaining lacking features, having bugs and not having story. This she counters by saying "Pokemon story bad."

... I know that sounds reductive but the reason why I am saying this is because A- I already know what Lily thinks about the story of the game she's hinting at (Gen 5) and I can tell you she's not putting very much thought into this and B- that same foreknowledge and the fact that one of images she's using to represent this is a meme basically mocking people for preaching about Gens 4/5. ... So knowing her, she's just doing this to be contrarian.

This is a problem in her video because in her introduction, the thesis statement of this whole essay she is writing: she states that the goal of this video is to look back at the games and judge them as they hold up. Yet here she is shrugging off VERY big issues that seriously date Gen 1 and make it age horribly, which should be a major factor in Lily's assessment...because at best, she's being contrarian.

... That is not a good idea.

"*Insert her recaping the journey of Gen 1*"

Yeah, this is why I decided to take on this task. I already know most of Lily's video is going to be her detailing her playthrough of the games. This means fuck all to me for the most part as an autist I already have clear memory of all these games even years away from playing them so I can skip most of her video.

But this does mean that unless you're familiar with how arguments are structured in Youtube videos, like me- you'll have to wade through Lily's crappy attempts at a comedic retelling of the games to know what she thinks. Which makes a fucking four and a half hour long video draaaaag.

"See? Gen 1 doesn't hold you by the hand and lets you just fuck off!"

The idea here being that Gen 1 is good because it doesn't hand hold the player. Issue is- This is the first Pokemon game. By all accounts, because this game is introducing a rather new take on an underexplored gameplay style, tutorials such as these shouldn't be optional. Especially since money is so limited early in the game so you can't easily get more Pokeballs after wasting your supply on experimentation.

Having a quick catching tutorial showing that you need to weaken a Pokemon before catching it could alleviate any confusion. Pokemon can only get away with this due to it being so easy. ... A flaw that is going to rear its ugly head later on. She also ignores why the tutorials are so quick in the earlier gens- the tutorials became longer because they were integrated into the story and used to demonstrate characters. If you don't have a story or proper characters then of course the tutorials will go by quick. It also means there's less to stimulate the brain to encourage people to keep playing.

Pokemon's gameplay, minus any discussions of difficulty, has never been the most engaging. Turn based gameplay's flaw is that's very static and slow, meaning most of the time the act of playing the game doesn't stimulate. This is usually subverted by fancy animations, challenge or, in Pokemon's case- entertaining characters and self expression. The extra length of the tutorials is a side effect of the game's compensating for their less stimulating gameplay.

"See, early game bug types aren't bad! Poketubers are wrong because my Butterfree never lost a battle!"

This kind of exposes another issue of Lily's- she doesn't know what the hell she's talking about.

She takes issue with people calling Pokemoen like Butterfree bad by brushing off their complaints of 'Butterfree has no STAB moves!' by pointing out coverage and status moves. But she completely ignores that people brush off Pokemon like Butterfree for having no STAB moves because, since you have 6 slots on your team, it's pretty easy to get a diverse team that can cover whatever Butterfree does but through STAB. Psychic moves? Alakazam or Hypno. Sleep moves? Hypno, Venomoth or even Parasect. Stun moves? Literally any Electric Type.

Then we have her overlooking another aspect of Pokemon: Base Stats. For those who don't know: Base stats are a set of numbers that dictate what number a Pokemon's given stats are. Things like IVs/Evs/DVs and Natures act as multiplers to a base stat. So as you could guess- a base stat is the building block of a Pokemon and dictate how it plays. Butterfree's base stats in Gen 1 are (HP/ATK/DEF/SP.ATK/SP.DEF/SPD) 60/40/50/80/80/70.

For reference, Charmeleon has 58/64/58/65/65/80. A non-fully evolved Pokemon has roughly similar stats to a fully evolved Pokemon. And this is all exasperated by how easy the game is, because Butterfree's status move pool? Largely inefficient because if you actually know what you are doing- you will be able to KO a Pokemon faster through simply attacking with a stronger Pokemon than disabling it then attacking. And most gamers will default to the most efficient solution. Hence Butterfree's status as a bad Pokemon.

"See, the game is trying to tell you how good status moves are by enforcing it through Brock and Bide!"

Yet another case of Lily not knowing what she's slathering about because A. The actual effects of status moves don't matter, just that they don't deal damage. A better case would be a leader that uses status moves to their advantage.

And B. Lily says that Bide I'd the perfect move for Onix. ... Bide, a move that deals damage based on the amount of HP lost, is perfect for 9nix, a low HP and high defense Pokemon...meant to lose as little HP as possible.

Lily literally posts Onix's stats to prove her point when said stats contradict her.

"Blue isn't a mean rival! He's just a friendly rival and gamers praise Bianca and Cheren just cuz they suck off the player!"

What the fuck, where did that Cheren/Bianca stuff cone from?

Okay first- Blue starts the game by going "Gramps! I'm fed up with waiting!" and "Heh, I don't need to be greedy like you! Go ahead and choose-" and "WHAT? Unbelievable! I picked the wrong Pokémon!"

Blue is quite clearly not intended to be friendly nor likeable.

Second- People like Cheren and Bianca because they go through arcs related to the themes of Gen 5, with Bianca's desire to travel leading her on a journey of self discovery (truth) and Cheren learning that his valuing if strength may have been wrong (ideals). Do they say tge player is great at battling? Yes...because from the story's perspective, you are going X-0. They're reacting to this fact instead of shrugging it off.

"Lavender Town has no value aside from creepypastas and showing how weak Ghosts are to Psychic in this gen! It isn't that creepy!"

... Uh, Lily? You didn't bring up how you can only identify the ghosts after beating Sliph Co, who are so scary you can't even fight them. Or how the trainers in the Pokemon Tower all act very weird, almost like they're possessed. Or that the Tower has a fucking purifying circle 8n the middle. Or...you know...bringing up the fact called DEATH in this very kid-friendly world.

You uh...you do know what a 'retrospective' is, right?

"The game expects you to face challenges in order despite being open world!"

Lily, the game is not open world. You are still going through strict paths with locked off sections. This comes with the implication that you will be facing challenges in a linear order. You not understanding what the game actually is does not make it bad.

"See? Butterfree isn't bad! It's my best Pokemon!"

Lily, these games can be beaten by a six year old. I beat them as a six year old.

That means nothing.

"Ugh, Sliph Co is soooo bad! It's the worst in the game because it's obtuse and you can just exit to heal up! Rock Tunnel is SOOO much better for being challenging!"

... Lily, Rock Tunnel is full of dead ends and unlike Sliph Co- YOU CAN'T AVOID ENCOUNTERS UNLESS YOU STOCK UP ON REPELS.

You can also exit Rock Tunnel to heal too. No, 'challenge yourself by not exiting' is not a justification. You're just not thinking.

'Psychic types are only strong in theory! Status moves exist so do neutral hits! Super Effective STAB isn't the only path!"

But they ARE the most efficient. And for the average gamer, efficiency is king.

"You can crumble Alakazam with physical hits without super Effective hits!"

*proceeds to spend her entire footage locked in a Fly V. Recover loop when a Butterfree STAB could solve this*

Also gotta love that she goes off about Alakazam not having the tools to deal with Physical attacks...as it uses a move to halve Physical damage (Reflect).

And finally- She is using Sabrina as her example. Who is operating off Gen 1's wonky AI and keeps using Psywave. In the hands of, you know, a real person or a better AI who understands basic elements of the game- Alakazam can easily wreck teams with hard hitting Psybeams. And Alakazam's poor Physical Defense doesn't matter here because it's SPEED makes it so it will hit first and managle a team before they can counterattack. This is where Lily's refusal to understand competitive bites her. THIS is the issue people have.

"Nobody likes going through Seaform Islands!"

Okay this is another issue with Lily's video here: She doesn't engage with content that isn't directly in her face. Later she'll talk about how she doesn't care about things like cut mechanics and that she's focusing on gameplay but part of Pokemon's gameplay and the reason people like it is the sense of discovery you get from exploring the game. Like say...finding one of a kind Pokemon that are relatively strong but are hidden away in sections that are optional (Moltres, Articuno, Zapados and even fucking MEWTWO).

Like...the fuck Lily? All you're doing is just making a truncated let's play by this point.

Side note; Some of Lily's jokes do land at times. Like her commentary on how Giovanni acts after being defeated. Though she does call him 'elderly' strangely enough.

Also I JUST caught some of Lily's gameplay footage. Her Primeape's moveset is Submission, Strength, Rock Slide and...Thunderbolt. She wasted her Thunderbolt TM on a Pokemon with rock bottom Special...when she had fucking Rock Slide.

This is the woman talking as if she knows the mechanics of the game.

"Gen 1 and 2 are so good because they allow for player freedom unlike later Gens like 3 and 4 where GF TELL YOU how to play instead of letting you play how you wish!"

Hey remember earlier when Lily talked about how the game was supposedly 'open world' but complained about how there was a strict recommended order based on the badge numbers on the Trainer Card?

How the fuck is it that much different than just enforcing the order? Not to mention that, considering how fucked Johto's level curve is- that making a firm order where you can more easily control the difficulty is probably a GOOD thing.

And that's where Gen 1 ends. Overall- rather shallow. I also expect to be covering more Gens in posts since problems like these tend to be recurring issues and don't require being brought up all the time.

It's not as painful as Lily's usual stuff...but I feel that will change soon.

[k1rameki]

THE TIME HAS COME EVERYONE. ITS TIME TO TALK ABOUT MY EXTENSIVE LIST OF TABI HEADCANONS (hcs are under the cut plus this also counts as a little debrief of his human design bc jesus christ i put so much effort into making this man's design it went through a LOT of trial and error before settling on what i got now considering ive gradually made him less and less "human")

also quick thing b4 i proceed – please please PLEASE ask before making things w my tabi design bc ive seen a rlly cool papercraft made w/o my knowledge and that was kinda sucky so ya thats around it (other than the basics of no nsfw and such)

APPEARANCE HCS

first and foremost — hes half japanese because i remember his aside counterpart being japanese iirc and i thought that was really cool and wanted to implement that into my own little hc (also he speaks like a dozen languages bc of another thing i'll go into detail with in a bit

so many different facial features, scarring (theres a very elaborate reason for this tbh), moles, freckles, etc all bc why not?? (freckles is primarily bc of my bestie crow and now im obsessed)

lashes bc why not, give every man a pair of lashes i think theyre pretty

PIERCINGS. so many piercings. this is primarily because i am a very firm believer that tabi gets piercings done because he wants to feel human again so he finds comfort in decorating himself as much as possible for that reason and also the aesthetic

broken horn bc of the mod events, damage beyond repair and whatnot

HE HAS LONG HAIR BC I SAID SO ‼️‼️ i figured considering he's been invisible for so long he never really knew what to do when it came to cutting his hair, so eventually it grew out to around his waist, and he kept that hairstyle ever since (he prefers wearing his hair in a ponytail or smth bc sensory issues when it comes to hair touching his skin)

a lot of tater's hcs infected my brain hehehehehe especially the tail and his hands still being what they were when they were cursed (also. paw beans. /vpos)

HES TRANS ‼️‼️ hes also very dumb and has very little regard for his health and forgets to take his binder off a lot (trust me he gets scolded a lot for that)

GENERAL HCS

hes autistic and has adhd — the autism hc i lowkey stole from crow but the adhd hc ive had for a long long while now — one of his lifelong special interests is performing arts and musicals

chronic insomniac — sleep? never heard of her

plays like 5 different instruments but primarily specialises in piano and guitar

safe food is anything sweet or chocolatey — he has a massive sweet tooth and is obsessed w cookies and pastries in particular which ayana baked for him a lot (ill prolly make a whole other post for her in the near future but guys. pastry chef aya. hear me out)

an absolute boss at board games, especially monopoly, and he constantly loves screwing everyone over

extremely hyperfixated on pokemon and owns a bajillion folders filled with cards worth a buttload of money, and a dozen plushies + figurines (projecting bc pokemon is one of my hyperfixes dont judge me) his fav gen is absolutely johto

his eyesight is pretty bad but like. not bad enough for him to be needing glasses (unlike a certain someone cough cough agoti)

speaking of said certain someone, he and agoti do each other's hair a lot simply because its really fun and provides some stimulation, and also because it helps tabi practice with self care and such

VERY SENSITIVE TO SOUND AND TEXTURES, often times he will probably start crying if something sounds or feels wrong

sometimes he forgets certain words in english and has to resort to using what theyre called in russian

has the goofiest sounding laugh ever and i will die on this hill. when you get tabi cackling he will start rolling on the floor and making the most UNGODLY sounds

can speak like 6 languages fluently and a dozen others in simple conversation (NERD ALERT)

he sucks so hard at writing essays but is (for some reason) really good at maths

despite being the more serious one among his group of friends, tabis a dumbass and does a lot more stupid things than one would expect

[tonoiho]

howdy heres a decent post about how to find new music to listen to, from an autistic person who literally needs music to function most times 💪

spotify based since that is what i use

first off, Discover Weekly (updates Mondays) and Release Radar (updates Fridays) are pretty good if you arent looking for music quickly. i prefer Discover Weekly bc it usually is from artists ive never listened to.

BUT if you are anything like me and kind of need music daily, and/or feel like everything is getting stale to listen to and just is not stimulating enough, theres quite a few things you can do (:

i primarily use Chosic, since it kinda has a bunch of different shit to use n look at

if it feels too overwhelming, what you can do is stick with "Music Genre Finder" and "Similar Songs Finder"

even though it might sometimes ask on some pages, you do NOT have to sign into Spotify for this site if you dont want to (:

using this banger as my control song

Music Genre Finder

figuring out what genres and sub-genres you listen to the most is about to become your best friend ok

pretty much just toss in a bunch of songs you enjoy and take note of the genres and sub-genres. i recommend making playlists of songs with similar or same genres (and also bc its fun)

this one is the most basic, but is a good starting point to help you go down your rabbit hole

Similar Songs Finder

same concept; throw in songs you want more of. i do one song at a time but you can do multiple

theres also this (v), so have fun with that B)

i recommend taking a look at the advanced settings, but for the sake of keeping this post as comprehensive as possible, im going to stick to the basics.

clicking generate will pull up a list of songs similar to your input, available as both Spotify and YouTube playlists to save if you so choose

to make this easier, you can also analyze the playlist songs directly from here; just middle click the buttons to open a new tab so you dont lose this page

Moving on from Chosic to other methods lol

PANTHER. Panther is sooo good imo

this one is artist-based, and sometimes the song previews it gives do not load, but you can simply look them up to listen for yourself in that case.

i will use I Met a Yeti as an example

very simple; i recommend going into this website with lowered volume because sometimes the audio is loud and crunchy; it will sound better on Spotify though

Create Similar Playlist

this is a feature that is already in Spotify, and it is again, very basic.

right clicking on a playlist ofc pulls up a neat lil menu

this one isnt that great, but it works better with the more songs you have on it from different artists.

often times it will add songs you already have saved, but otherwise its kinda okay

Enchance

again, a built-in Spotify feature, however this one might not be for everyone as i believe this is an experimental feature that not everybody has at the moment. still, if you do have it, i absolutely recommend it

basically what it does is add ~100 songs to your Liked Playlist, spaced out every two songs (they are not permanently saved if that annoys you; they go away after turning off this feature)

update 11/11/23

Enhance is out now i think? however it's only for created playlists and not your liked playlist. it still works the same but adds less music. more music gets suggested though when you save them

the Panther site had some issues loading for a while, but it's working again (it may have just been me. idk)

this is all i have for now lol. if you have any questions lemme know (:

hope this helps!

[biblioflyer]

Evolving beyond your core conceits: risks and rewards.

Allowing a setting to grow while remaining recognizable and accessible to the audience is difficult. Too much of the wrong kind of changes can make a setting unusable for the themes and storytelling devices it started off with. It is, however, possible to grow without cheating the heroes of earned victories and without wholly divesting from core themes.

This is part 4 in a series of discussions about the pessimism of the X-Men setting, its origins, its consequences, and whether that’s even a fair assessment.

Part 1 laid out some of the core conceits of the setting.

Part 2 discusses theories of historical change.

Part 3 is about the messiness of allegories.

It's difficult to evolve beyond a setting’s original conceit without having to become something radically different, even unrecognizable.

I’m one of the people who started to lose interest when Stargate SG-1 moved beyond Earth as scrappy underdogs and essentially became a superpower, while still somehow being able to hide the entire program. Also it turns out that SG-1, regardless of the roster, always seemed to be exactly the right people in exactly the right place.

Committing to the bit has risks too.

The X-Files solved and then had to unsolve its core mystery multiple times, becoming ever more convoluted in an effort to ensure its gnostic pursuit of ever deeper mysteries did indeed have even more arcane conspiracies hiding behind the busted ones.

Core characters evolved in Supernatural, but after a few repetitions of the Winchester brothers gaining and then losing access to resources and networks of allies, it almost became a bit of a joke that everything always led back to the two living out of motels. Yet while the situation of the Winchesters wasn’t allowed to change much, the threat of each season had to be ever more cosmic. This ultimately resulted in a direct and extremely meta confrontation with the very force that ensured their lives always defaulted back to misery and watching any progress they made fall through their fingers.

The conceit of Star Trek’s Federation is that our contemporary flaws can be resolved, but to model solving its allegories for contemporary societal issues it has to periodically discover new -isms that have emerged within it that the Federation has rationalized away. 

Augment proscriptions are rationalized as protecting the egalitarian nature of the Federation and preventing the rise of superior beings with superior ambition, fully sentient artificial intelligence had a rocky road to recognition, people struggle with fully recognizing XBs as fellow victims of the Borg Collective rather than conflating them with the destruction and horror the Borg have perpetuated. 

There have been enough repetitions of the storyline that there is something rotten in the Federation that needs to be confronted and opposed that many (not I) feel like the Federation has undergone a very cynical deconstruction in the streaming era (although it would probably be more correct to say it started with DS9.) Which is part of why the “Magneto was right” discourse began to alarm me, because I associate it with the increased sense in the Trek fandom that the Federation is both rotten at its core and too naive to survive without the rot.

Kudos to Star Trek Discovery though for reliably shifting away from the “edgier” darker tone it began with and embracing the idealism of the TNG era. I realize there are those who look at a dark and fearful world full of war and revanchism and find it childish for fiction to be aggressively sunny, but I enjoy having a few things to watch here and there that stimulate my mind but don’t leave me drained and morose when the credits roll. I don’t mind good pessimism, but I never felt like Discovery was doing more than gesturing at more mature, emotionally and ethically complex themes in its early seasons. It's still not doing more than gesturing, but in my opinion it's no longer pretending to be more than thoughtful camp.

The Expanse novel-verse is one of the rare examples I can think of a setting that resolved one of its core conflicts, but still managed to be an effective vehicle for storytelling about many of the same themes. By the end of the original six book series, Earth and Mars are on the path to reconciliation and the Belters have won statehood and the means to prosperity. 

The sequel trilogy introduces a new nemesis that partly resets the setting, but critically the reset doesn’t put the Belters back under the boot of the Inners or restart the original cycle of violence. In many ways, Earth and Mars get a dose of what it’s like on the receiving end of imperialism.

In this way, the writers could still speak about war, cycles of violence, paranoia, various forms of oppression, and the difficult moral dilemmas of gray zone conflict but without victims becoming oppressors or having all of their gains rolled back.

Did you forget this was an article about X-Men, bub?

Which brings us back to X-Men.

Because X-Men is a setting dedicated to storytelling about oppression, a critical thing to remember is that things are not going to get better in any lasting way. 

Not because the message you are supposed to take away is that nothing can ever be better and trying to disrupt violence and humanize oppressed people is self defeating, but because showcasing oppression and the fight against it without it ever actually being resolved is its raison d’etre. 

Unlike the Expanse novels, the X-Men is not a closed storyline with a limited number of authors tightly controlling it. While specific iterations of X-Men could, in theory, make progress against the core human vs mutant conflict without rolling it back in a devastating way, there is an expectation that X-Men more broadly is a bit like Coke or Pepsi: consistency and recognition across all “products” is a baked in assumption. X-Men without the mutant vs human conflict could drift away from the otherwise very low barrier to entry for the audience.

The last installment will discuss how X-Men '97 does leave the door open to some things getting better even though the general state of affairs seems poised to get pretty bad.

[drdemonprince]

I know people got angry about the "talking about caffeine like any other drug" thing but I think it's so helpful not just to discuss the arbitrary lines between legal and illegal substances but also for informed consent purposes *with* caffeine itself. For example my use of alcohol has changed drastically since reading Unmasking Autism because I didn't realize I was only able to interact with allistics in the context of relaxed social rules when everybody was drinking. Now that I have that information my decisions around it are much different (basically using alcohol only when I *want* to get the feelings it gives me, and when I have to interact with people using other coping strategies instead).

I can't quit caffeine right now, but I might reduce its use in the future and only use it when I want that caffeinated feeling and not to keep up with work like I do now. Which I didn't even think about before, precisely because even though I rationally knew it was a drug I never thought of it as a "drug-drug".

Yo yessss thank you!!! Informed consent means being fully apprised of the risks and benefits of a substance, and having the freedom to choose when to use it. Currently, very few of us enjoy that level of empowered freedom with just about any substance that we use.

Our doctors don't tell us about all the risks of the drugs we are on (I'm still bitter as hell nobody told me that my muscle development would be stunted by going on hormonal birth control at 18!!! and that it would give me lasting breast growth), and the substances that are not medically prescribed but legal are ones that many of us quaff without thought, and without ever being told the effects of. For instance, did you know prolonged use of Benadryl increases the risk of developing Alzheimers??? I didn't! and i was using that shit to fall asleep and regulate anxiety for a time!!

In the United States in particular there is no open conversation with young people about the potential effects of alcohol, how the drug can act like a mild stimulant in smaller doses but then ricochet into massively depressing effects after hours of use, with an anxiety spike hours beyond that as it leaves the system. We don't talk to people about the effects of caffeine -- and that it's not necessarily normal for so many people to deal with daily gastric issues, trouble falling asleep, trouble sitting still, and intense irritability all day long as presently do.

Some people are just like that, some people have anxiety disorders and benefit from anti-anxiety meds to treat those symptoms, some people find ways of coping with it that involve mindfulness or meditation or whatever else -- but a great number of people who experience these issues are only going through them because they're on caffeine and they're working too hard. And what they've come to believe is an inevitable part of their chemistry is in fact economically and socially created from the outside, and could be prevented if they were only able to stop.

but many of them can't stop. because of capitalism. and so they aren't informed about the real risks & costs of the substances they are using, and they aren't freely able to revoke their (dubious) consent.

meanwhile as someone who only started using weed regularly about a year and a half ago and who is now curious about trying psychedelics, ive been lovingly inundated in helpful tips, usage guides, listings of various strains and their distinct effects, lab results testing doses, etc from the people I know who are passionate about those substances and want to ensure that anybody else using them has a good time.

I don't want to paint these substances with a pollyannaish brush either -- weed can trigger hallucinations and psychotic episodes in some segments of the population, a fact that too many ardent weed heads ignore -- but the difference in the level of control I have over my experience as a weed user and the utter lack of information and self-determination I have when seeking out prescribed meds, or even ingesting caffeine, is unreal.

So many foods covertly contain caffeine or openly are caffeinated yet don't document how many milligrams of the substance it has, for example. It's impossible to safely and responsibly use a substance when you don't even know how much you're getting, and it's bizarre we're all being dosed with stimulants all day long often without even realizing it.

this might seem like a low-importance example, and people will say to me dismissively that caffeine doesn't ruin any lives, but when I look back on how much I've used the substance to further my eating disorder and how many people i've been short and cruel-tempered with over the years because i was downing cups and cups of the stuff all day without reflection, i'm not sure i believe that argument.

but of course all roads in this conversation lead back to capitalism. i wouldnt have been drinking this stuff with abandon if i hadn't been trying to shove three days of work into a single 8 hours, and if my culture and economic system hadn't been foisting the stuff on me from day one.

my uncle says that i was always a deeply anxious kid, i guess it was something that my grandmother fretted about as well, and yet when i decided in my teens to start boosting that anxiety with caffeine every day, and became even more moody and negative, nobody connected the dots, and nobody thought to warn me. and why would they, nobody warned them.

[transgenderer]

extended section from Nisa about birth spacing, related to discussion about fertility

!Kung siblings are likely to be about four years apart in age—an unusually long birth spacing for a population without birth control. How !Kung women maintain these long intervals between births is a question only now being answered. The !Kung claim to know of plants that cause miscarriage when properly prepared and ingested, but there is no evidence that these are effective—or even that they are used. A taboo against resuming sexual relations is also said to be in effect for about six months after a child’s birth, but most couples share their blankets again immediately after a birth and do not abide by this restriction for very long. (Even if they did, it would allow the women to get pregnant soon after the end of the six months, resulting in a birth spacing of two years at most.)

Infanticide has also been suggested as an explanation. Bantu law now prohibits this practice, but even in traditional times it probably occurred only rarely—in cases of congenital deformity, of too short birth spacing, or of twins, regardless of gender. The length of the birth interval could be a life-or-death issue: if a woman had another baby too soon, either the baby or her older child—already the object of great affection—would probably die. Nursing a child requires a large daily intake of calories by the mother. Although the !Kung diet is usually adequate for this, it would be debilitating or even impossible for a woman to produce enough milk for two children. (The milk has been analyzed and found to be nutritionally adequate and almost comparable in composition to samples taken from Western women.) With no other sources of milk available, the older child would have to be weaned onto bush foods, which are rough and difficult to digest. To survive on such foods a child would have to be older than two years—preferably substantially older. (Today cows’ milk is available for toddlers, so this problem has largely been eliminated.)

The decision in favor of infanticide was never made lightly or with- out anguish, but sometimes there was little choice. The woman would probably give birth alone and bury the infant immediately, preferably before it took its first breath. (The traditional !Kung did not consider a child a true person until it was brought back to the village; thus early infanticide was not seen as homicide.) Such cases, however, must have been extremely rare; even stillbirths, only a fraction of which could be concealed infanticide, accounted for only about one percent of births. Thus, only a few women had to face this choice personally and directly

One likely explanation for the long birth intervals is the !Kung pattern of prolonged nursing. Although solid foods supplement a child’s diet as early as six months of age (either premasticated or mashed at this early stage) nursing continues on the average of several times an hour throughout the first few years of a child’s life. The constant stimulation of the nipple has been shown to suppress the levels of hormones that promote ovulation, thus making conception unlikely. Another possibility is that the huge calorie expenditure of nursing combined with subsistence-level nutrition does not afford the necessarysurplus energy for ovulation to re-establish itself

[mfuro]

some more goofy ah ah postal dude headcanons

this is mostly about p2 dude soooo.... (WARNING VERY RAMBLY)

Was and still is one of those people that you could have paid them to make you a geocities website for you if you didnt know how to code

speaking of school i do think he probably has an associates and thats it, went to community college and had a straight 2.0-2.5 GPA and passed for a degree he barely uses (till he gets the RWS job honestly)

i think dude 100% found champ one day, just a really ratty looking puppy full of worms under his trailer one day. thats his dog now

gonna be real honest, dude is probably not the best dog owner but he really tries (for more elaboration you can ask im very passionate about animal care/content because i spent literal hours researching for my fic....)

OH YEAH the bitch, i can see them getting married like, right out of college/soon after, you got to be at least a bit young and dumb to tattoo 'Dude' on your collarbone like she did...

the marriage was most likely for image on dudes part and at first infatuation on the bitch’s part. 

dude needs constant stimulation or else he is forced to think about his life choices and will have a crisis

insomniac, he hasnt been able to sleep on his own bed since the bitch decided it was hers now

dude is very repressed, hes bisexual and kind of refuses to acknowledge that he likes men even a little bit unless he is forced to think about it or has feelings for -gasp- a man

probably genuinely likes krotchy and the whole franchise as a whole

UMMM …. I think he might age-regress in some form or manner if given the chance, he never had a childhood he saw other kids at school or on tv had so he desperately craves for it even if its in the back of his mind 

he definitely is autistic, no way of escaping that assigned neurodivergency

people like writing that he has ‘vibrant’ green eyes but , ngl i see them as very dull and tired, i dont think theres really much energy behind them

probably has a very limited palate for food, comes from a variety of causes

would not know what the fuck to do if given a genuine bit of kindness from someone, hes so used to being forced to pay back for something or for it to go wrong hed be speechless

has body image issues, he thinks hes too tall and too skinny… he hates his red hair and his nose and everything, would be very content on not being perceived by anyone because he is not what he thinks the world expects him to be 

UHHH THATS MOSTLY WHAT IS ON MY MIND AT THE MOMENT BUT I MIGHT TALK SOME MORE ABOUT HIM. also if anyone would be interested in specific headcanons i have about other dudes let me know (i also really dont mind if someone asks me about nsfw hcs because im a pest of an adult. lol)

[c12ly]

✨️ My autistic headcanons, part 2: ✨️

Barry Allen

From the flash

I dont even know where to start, so im just gonna through it all. He info dumps, has a very strong sence of justice, running is his happy stim and said by him, when hes running hes the happiest. Hes clumsy, introverted, struggles in social situations. He also grew up in safe households for him and everyone around him are either autistic as well or decent human beings and i love to see an autistic character who, well, is not doing very great in like and mental wellbeing, but it has nothing to do with him being who he is, he never masks, hes never infantilized, he gets recognized by how good and dedicated he is at his job but without saying hes a savant or something and its rare that people comment on his differences being a bad thing or just in general.

Harry Wells

From the flash

He doesn't have much interest in social situations but when he does, he struggles with them, like making friendships, for example. He has difficulty with others emotions and his own emotions; theres an episode in which he literally just learns how to be emphatic. He has difficulty managing his anger, trowing stuff across the room which could be meltdowns. He sometimes gets nonverbal and Cisco talks for him. He gets hyperfixiated and im pretty sure he stimms but i cant remember any example. Oh and big belly burger is def his safe food.

Cisco Ramon

From the flash

Like Barry, he's a very emotional and expressive autistic. He gets so happy anytime he finds an answer for something hes been hyperfixiating on, hes clumsy, he struggles in social situations and sometimes worries about him not being good enough. His also very attached to his hair, his powers when he used to be Vibe were kind of linked to sensory stimulation, he has a strong sence of justice and shares SpIn with Harry, which is the reason why they get along so well; they really complement each other.

Wednesday Addams

From Wednesday

She rarely shows facial expressions, has alextymia, a strong sence of justice, she doesn't accept a simple answer, she wants a reason, has a strict routine, infodumps, doesn't care about social rules, norms, or fitting in, she only wears black and white due to sensory issues, doesn't see any different between her and older people and doesn't like physical touch.

Lily

From Dash & Lily

She doesn't like change, so much, that she never gets far from a literal bubble (well, more like an oval) she marked on a map. Her special interest is clearly Christmas, she signs carols and never forget the lyrics, and she likes to make her own clothes to express herself and although she do feel scared of being judged, she still wear what she wants, her weird but beautifully-her outfit which make her smile with so much joy. She has difficulty in social situations and during her childhood and now as a teenager, its seems like its easier for her to talk with adults rather than people her age.

Probably one of the most relatable quotes from a show I've ever seen was when she gifted her classmates bracelets and everyone threw them to the ground, and this boy mentioned how weird she was and before that, she never really thought about it, she thought she fitted in, she didn't saw herself as weird and after that she lived scared of being called weird and basically started masking.