#its almost 12 am but i was inspired lol

[etheravenlivrenvari]

here @broosepayne have some batblobs!

[that-one-ostrich-friend]

Maybe that sparks a bit of inspiration: Single dad Sirius Black who is freshly together with reader (I don’t know what else can happen haha)

The Godson

sirius black x reader - the godson

word count: 3.5k

summary: after a month of dating y/n finally meets sirius’s godson (and adopted son)

warnings: kissing, mostly fluffy lol

a/n: this is set in an au where peter was captured before he could fake his death and was sent to azkaban instead of sirius. as godfather sirius gets custody of harry. i’m really glad this was a single dad sirius and not single mom y/n bc i’m lowkey afraid of children and pregnancy lol

     The clock chimed seven as Y/N stood outside the door of 12 Grimmauld Place, her hand hovering just above the door knocker. She took a deep breath, steadying herself. The house before her looked nothing like she had imagined. Its weathered black brickwork and faintly foreboding aura reminded her of something out of a gothic novel. Yet, as imposing as it seemed, she reminded herself that Sirius lived here. That thought brought a small, reassuring smile to her lips.

     She raised her hand and knocked firmly. The sound echoed in the quiet, and she shuffled slightly on the doorstep, smoothing her skirt and adjusting her coat. A moment later, the door creaked open, and there he was—Sirius Black, all sharp features and unruly dark hair, wearing a casual button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbows. His usual confident smirk was replaced with something softer, almost unsure.

     “You made it,” he said, his voice warm but carrying an edge of nervousness.

     “Of course I did,” Y/N replied, tilting her head slightly. “Why wouldn’t I?”

     Sirius chuckled lightly, running a hand through his hair as if he were searching for the right words. “No reason. Just—well, this is a bit new for me, isn’t it?”

     She raised an eyebrow, sensing his nerves. “You alright?”

     He let out a breath and then pulled her into a hug, wrapping his arms around her. “I am now,” he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head. The simple affection melted away some of her tension, and she allowed herself to relax against him.

     When he pulled back, there was a twinkle of humor in his gray eyes, though the slight hesitation remained. “Come on in,” he said, stepping aside to let her through.

     Y/N stepped over the threshold, her gaze sweeping over the narrow entryway. The house was as dark and mysterious on the inside as it was on the outside. The wallpaper was faded, and the air carried a faint chill, but there were glimpses of warmth—a vase of fresh flowers on a side table.

     “It’s… cozy,” she said carefully, trying not to seem impolite.

     Sirius let out a bark of laughter. “That’s a generous way to put it.” He motioned for her to follow him. “Come on. Harry’s in the sitting room. He’s been playing with his toys all day, so don’t be surprised if he’s a little shy at first.”

     Y/N nodded, her heart skipping slightly at the thought of meeting Sirius’s adopted son for the first time. This wasn’t just any casual introduction—Sirius had made it clear that Harry was his whole world, and meeting him felt like stepping into a new and important part of Sirius’s life.

     They walked down a short hallway and into the sitting room. The space was dimly lit, the only source of light coming from a warm lamp in the corner. In the center of the room, a small boy with messy black hair sat cross-legged on the floor, surrounded by colorful wooden blocks. He was completely focused on the tower he was building, his little face scrunched up in concentration.

     “Harry,” Sirius said gently, his voice softening as he spoke to the boy. “Someone’s here to meet you.”

     Harry looked up briefly, his bright green eyes—the spitting image of his mother’s—glancing at Y/N before darting back to his father. He immediately scrambled to his feet and hid behind Sirius’s legs, clutching the fabric of his trousers tightly.

     Sirius laughed softly, bending down slightly to ruffle Harry’s hair. “Come on, kiddo. You don’t have to be shy. This is Y/N. Remember I told you about her?”

     Harry peeked out cautiously, his small hands still gripping Sirius’s legs.

     Y/N crouched down to his level, her voice gentle. “Hi, Harry. It’s really nice to meet you.” She smiled, trying to make herself as approachable as possible.

     Harry didn’t respond, his face half-hidden behind Sirius.

     Sirius straightened up and gave Y/N an apologetic smile. “He takes a little while to warm up to people. Give him a minute.”

     Instead of pushing Harry further, Sirius reached out and took Y/N’s hand, leading her toward the spot where Harry had been sitting. They knelt on the floor next to the half-built tower of blocks.

     “Alright, kiddo,” Sirius said, his tone light and encouraging. “Why don’t you tell Y/N about your tower? It looks pretty impressive.”

     Harry hesitated for a moment, still clinging to Sirius’s leg, but then his curiosity seemed to get the better of him. He let go and stepped closer, though he stayed partially behind Sirius.

     Y/N leaned forward, examining the tower with a playful seriousness. “Wow, did you build this all by yourself? It’s amazing!”

     Harry’s lips twitched, the beginnings of a smile creeping onto his face. He nodded shyly.

     “It’s the tallest one I’ve made,” he mumbled, his voice barely above a whisper.

     “Really?” Y/N said, her eyes widening in mock amazement. “You must be an expert builder. I could never make a tower this cool.”

      That seemed to do the trick. Harry stepped out from behind Sirius entirely, moving closer to his blocks. “I made it so it doesn’t fall over,” he said, a little louder this time. “See? If you push it like this—” He gave the side of the tower a gentle nudge, and it wobbled but didn’t topple. “—it stays up!”

     Y/N gasped, clapping her hands. “That’s so clever! How did you figure that out?”

     Harry beamed, the last traces of his shyness melting away as he began to explain the “secrets” of building sturdy towers. His words tumbled out in an excited stream, his hands gesturing animatedly as he spoke.

      Sirius watched the two of them, a small, proud smile tugging at his lips. He settled himself on the floor beside them, leaning back on his hands as Harry continued to chatter away to Y/N about his blocks and the other toys scattered around the room.

     Y/N glanced at Sirius briefly, her heart swelling at the sight of him so at ease with his son. He caught her gaze and gave her a wink, as if to say, See? Told you he’d come around.

     Sirius cleared his throat, drawing their attention. “I’m going to grab us some drinks. Will you be alright with Harry for a few minutes?”

     Y/N glanced up at him with a smile. “Of course. Take your time.”

     He hesitated for just a fraction of a second, as if double-checking whether she meant it. Then he gave a small nod and pushed himself to his feet. “You behave for Y/N, yeah?” He said as he passed Harry.

     Harry looked up at him and nodded solemnly.

     As Sirius disappeared into the kitchen, Y/N leaned back on her hands, watching as Harry carefully adjusted the top of his tower. The room was quiet for a moment, the soft sound of the blocks clicking together the only noise.

     Then, with a sudden burst of energy, Harry stood up and darted to the end table near the couch. Y/N straightened slightly, curious as to what he was up to.

     “Look!” Harry exclaimed, holding something tightly in his small hand as he ran back toward her.

     “What’s that, Harry?” Y/N asked, sitting upright as he plopped down onto the floor beside her.

     With great care, Harry opened his chubby fist to reveal a small Polaroid photograph. He held it up proudly, his face beaming. “It’s you!” he declared.

      Y/N blinked in surprise and leaned forward to get a closer look. She reached out and gently took the photo from his hands, her eyes widening as she recognized it immediately.

     It was from about two months ago— a couple weeks before they started dating— at one of the small get-togethers Sirius and his friends seemed to have so often. She remembered the evening clearly—the room had been filled with laughter and warmth, she had been next to Sirius almost the entire night. Remus had been in rare form, cracking joke after joke. 

     The photo was taken when Remus had accidentally hit the shutter on his camera. Y/N was mid-laugh, her hand resting on Sirius’s shoulder, clearly reacting to something ridiculous Remus had said. Her head was tilted slightly, her eyes crinkled with amusement. But what caught her attention wasn’t herself—it was Sirius. He was looking at her as if she were the only person in that room. 

     Y/N let out a soft laugh, though her voice wavered slightly. “Where did you find this, Harry?” she asked, her tone light but curious.

     “Uncle Sirius keeps it here,” Harry said matter-of-factly, pointing back toward the end table.

     “He does, does he?” Y/N murmured, her lips curving into a small smile. She turned the photo over in her hand, noticing that the back was blank—no date, no scribbled note. Just the image itself.

     Harry nodded enthusiastically, clearly proud of his discovery. “Do you like it?”

     “I do,” Y/N said, her voice warm. “It’s a great picture.”

     Just as she finished speaking, a sound came from the doorway. She glanced up to see Sirius standing there, two glasses in his hands. He had paused mid-step, his eyes flicking between her and the photo she still held. His cheeks were dusted with the faintest hint of pink, and for a moment, he looked almost sheepish.

     “Ah,” he said, clearing his throat. “I see Harry showed you his favorite picture.”

     Y/N raised an eyebrow, holding the photo up slightly. “His favorite?”

     He let out a short laugh, walking into the room and setting the glasses down on the coffee table. “Our favorite,” he said, the blush on his face deepened.

     Y/N didn’t press him further, but her smile widened. She set the picture on her lap, her fingers lightly brushing its edge as Sirius crouched down beside Harry.

      “Alright, kiddo,” Sirius said, his voice softening as he focused on his son. “It’s time for bed.”

      Harry immediately groaned, flopping onto his back in a dramatic show of protest. “But I’m not tired!”

     “Hmm,” Sirius said, tilting his head. “That’s funny, because I could’ve sworn I saw you rubbing your eyes just five minutes ago.”

     “I wasn’t!” Harry insisted, though his argument was half-hearted at best.

     Sirius chuckled and reached out to scoop the boy into his arms, lifting him effortlessly. “Come on, mate. Let’s not make this harder than it has to be.”

     Harry pouted but didn’t resist, resting his head against Sirius’s shoulder. As they made their way toward the door, Sirius glanced back at Y/N, his expression softening.

     “Won’t be long,” he said.

     “It’s alright,” Y/N replied, her tone light.

     Once they were gone, the room fell quiet again. Y/N let out a small breath, her gaze drifting back to the photo still on her lap. She studied it for a moment longer before carefully placing it back on the end table.

━━━━━━━•✧°•°𓅦°•°✧•━━━━━━━

     Reaching Harry’s room, Sirius nudged the door open with his foot. The room was cozy, filled with all the comforts a child could want—soft blankets, a well-loved stuffed stag that Harry refused to sleep without, and shelves lined with books and toys. The walls were painted a calming blue, and enchanted stars hung above the bed, softly twinkling.

     Sirius lowered Harry onto the bed, careful not to jostle him too much. Harry let out a sleepy little sigh as Sirius tucked him in, pulling the blankets up snugly around him.

     “There we go,” Sirius murmured, brushing a strand of dark hair from Harry’s forehead. “All nice and cozy. You should sleep like a dragon tonight.”

      Harry giggled softly, his eyes fluttering open to look at Sirius. “Dragons don’t sleep,” he said, his voice quiet but insistent.

     “Of course they do,” Sirius replied, settling on the edge of the bed. “How else do you think they get their energy to fly around and breathe fire all day?”

     Harry considered this for a moment before nodding, satisfied with the answer. His tiny hands clutched the stuffed stag tightly, and he wriggled slightly to get comfortable.

     “Uncle?” Harry’s voice was soft, almost hesitant.

     “Hmm?” Sirius replied, leaning back against the headboard, his gaze warm as he watched Harry.

     “Is Y/N gonna be my new mummy?”

     The question hit Sirius like a gust of wind, unexpected but not entirely surprising. He blinked, momentarily unsure of how to respond. Harry’s green eyes—so much like Lily’s—stared up at him, wide and innocent, waiting for an answer.

     Sirius chuckled softly, shaking his head. “No, mate,” he said gently. “Y/N’s not your mummy.”

      Harry frowned slightly, hugging the stuffed stag closer. “But… she’s really nice,” he said, his voice laced with the kind of earnestness only a child could muster.

     “She is,” Sirius agreed, his lips curving into a small smile. “She’s very nice.” He reached out to ruffle Harry’s hair, earning a quiet giggle. “But your mummy is Lily, remember? She and your dad loved you so much, and that’s never going to change.”

     Harry nodded slowly, his little face thoughtful. “But you’re my daddy now, right?”

      Sirius felt his chest tighten at the question. He leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees as he looked down at Harry. “I’m your godfather,” he said after a moment. “That means I get to take care of you and keep you safe.”

     Harry nodded sleepily, his eyelids starting to droop.

      Sirius reached out and gently patted Harry’s shoulder. “Now, close those eyes and get some rest.”

     Harry’s lips twitched into a faint smile as he finally let his eyes fall shut. Sirius sat there for a moment longer, watching the steady rise and fall of his chest as he drifted off.

     Standing, Sirius leaned down to press a light kiss to Harry’s forehead. “Sweet dreams, kiddo,” he murmured before quietly slipping out of the room. 

     The soft creak of the floorboards signaled Sirius’s return long before Y/N saw him. She glanced up as he stepped into the sitting room, his dark hair slightly tousled, as if he’d run his hands through it a few times. His gaze landed on her, and his lips curved into an easy smile that didn’t quite mask the faint trace of something thoughtful in his expression.

     “Harry’s out like a light,” he said, walking over to the couch and sinking into the cushions beside her.

     “That was fast,” Y/N replied with a small smile, shifting slightly to make room for him.

     “Four-year-olds don’t last long once they’ve decided to give in,” Sirius said, a hint of amusement in his tone.

     He leaned forward, reaching for the glass of whiskey he’d left on the coffee table earlier. But before he could take a sip, Y/N snatched it from his hand, her fingers brushing against his as she did.

     “Hey!” he protested, though his tone was more surprised than annoyed.

     Y/N raised the glass to her lips, her eyes twinkling with mischief as she took a small sip. “I’m thirsty,” she teased, handing it back to him with an innocent shrug.

     Sirius let out a laugh, a rich, warm sound that filled the room. “Stealing from a poor, hardworking man in his own home,” he said, shaking his head as he set the glass back down on the table.

     Before she could reply, he leaned back and looped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer until her side was pressed against his. It was an easy, intimate gesture, and Y/N felt her heart give a little flutter at the warmth of his touch.

     For a moment, they sat in comfortable silence, the quiet hum of the house wrapping around them. Then, Y/N turned her head slightly, her gaze settling on Sirius’s profile—the sharp line of his jaw, the faint shadow of stubble, the way his dark eyes seemed lost in thought as he stared ahead.

     She reached up, gently brushing her fingers along his cheek to get his attention. When he turned to look at her, she leaned in and pressed a soft, tentative kiss to his lips.

     But he didn’t kiss her back.

     Y/N pulled away almost immediately, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment. “Sorry,” she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. “I—”

    “No,” Sirius interrupted softly, his hand still resting on her shoulder. He sighed, shifting slightly so he could face her fully. His fingers moved to the back of her neck, his thumb brushing idly against her skin in slow, soothing strokes.

     Y/N searched his face, her brow furrowing. “Is everything alright?”

     Sirius hesitated for a moment, his gaze flickering to the floor before meeting hers again. “I’ve just been thinking,” he said, his voice low and thoughtful. “Wondering if… if it was too soon for Harry to meet you.”

     “Oh,” Y/N said, her heart sinking slightly. She sat up straighter, creating a small distance between them. “I—I understand. If you think it was too soon, we can… I don’t know, maybe I could come over when he’s already in bed? Or we could spend time at my flat instead?”

     Her suggestion came quickly, almost too quickly, as if she were trying to fix something that didn’t necessarily need fixing. But Sirius shook his head, a faint smile tugging at his lips.

     “Maybe I was wrong,” he said, his voice softening.

     Y/N blinked, caught off guard. “What do you mean?”

     Sirius’s hand on the back of her neck slid upward, his fingers threading gently into her hair. At the same time, his other hand slipped under the hem of her shirt, resting against her waist. His touch was firm but not forceful, and the warmth of his palm against her skin sent a shiver down her spine.

     “I mean,” he murmured, his voice dropping to a husky tone, “maybe it’s good for Harry to have a feminine presence around here. Someone kind and patient who can put up with my nonsense.”

     Y/N’s breath hitched as his grip on her waist tightened, pulling her just slightly closer. Her hands rested on his chest, feeling the steady thrum of his heartbeat beneath her palms.

     “Sirius,” she began, her voice wavering, but he didn’t let her finish.

     His other hand slid further into her hair, his fingers curling gently as he pulled her in. When his lips met hers this time, it wasn’t soft or hesitant—it was urgent, almost desperate. Sirius kissed her like he was afraid to stop, like he was trying to convey something through the intensity of it that he couldn’t put into words.

     A soft moan escaped him, and the sound sent a wave of heat rushing through Y/N. Her fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt as she kissed him back, matching his fervor.

     The world outside seemed to disappear—there was only him, the warmth of his hands, the rough scrape of his stubble against her skin, the way his lips moved against hers with such precision it left her breathless.

     The warmth of Sirius’s hands against Y/N’s skin was intoxicating, his touch tender as his lips moved hungrily against hers. The room around them seemed to fade away. Sirius’s fingers trailed up her back, beneath her shirt, as he deepened the kiss.

     Y/N melted into him, her hands curling into the fabric of his shirt, pulling him closer. His lips were insistent, as though he couldn’t get enough of her, and every now and then, a soft groan escaped him, reverberating against her lips and making her pulse race.

     But just as Sirius shifted to pull her fully into his lap, a small voice shattered the moment.

     “Uncle Sirius?”

     They sprang apart instantly, both turning toward the doorway where Harry stood clutching his stuffed stag, his dark curls messy from tossing and turning in bed. His wide eyes blinked at them sleepily, completely unaware of the moment he’d just interrupted.

     Sirius cleared his throat, running a hand through his tousled hair as he tried to compose himself. “Harry, what’s wrong, kid?” he asked, his voice slightly hoarse.

     Harry shuffled into the room, dragging the stuffed toy along the floor. “I can’t sleep,” he mumbled, rubbing at his eyes with a chubby fist.

     Y/N sat frozen on the couch, her cheeks still flushed and her heart pounding from the sudden interruption. She tried to calm herself, smoothing her hands over her lap as Harry climbed onto the couch beside Sirius.

     “What’s keeping you up?” Sirius asked, pulling Harry into his lap and brushing a hand through the boy’s unruly hair.

     Harry shrugged, and plopped himself right onto Y/N’s lap, his small hands clutching at her shirt as he snuggled against her.

     Y/N stiffened, her hands hovering awkwardly in the air. She glanced at Sirius, her eyes wide with uncertainty.

     Sirius’s brow furrowed slightly as he reached out, clearly noticing her hesitation. “Harry, maybe you should—”

     “It’s alright,” Y/N interrupted quickly, her voice soft but firm.

     She looked down at Harry, who had already settled against her like he belonged there. Slowly, cautiously, she placed her arms around him, her hands resting gently on his back. Harry let out a small, contented sigh, his grip on his stuffed stag loosening as his eyes began to droop.

     Sirius watched the exchange, his concern melting into something softer, something that made his chest tighten in the best way. He leaned back into the couch, his posture relaxing as he draped an arm over Y/N’s shoulder.

     “You’re good at this,” he murmured, his voice low and filled with admiration.

     Y/N glanced up at him, a shy smile tugging at her lips. “He makes it easy,” she replied quietly, her fingers brushing lightly against Harry’s back.

     Sirius’s heart swelled at her words. For a moment, he simply watched them—Y/N holding his godson with such gentle care, Harry’s small form tucked safely in her arms. It was a picture of something he hadn’t realized he’d been longing for.

     As Harry’s breathing slowed and his grip on his stuffed animal went slack, Sirius leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to Y/N’s temple. “Thank you,” he whispered, his lips lingering against her skin for a moment.

     Y/N didn’t respond, but the way she leaned into his touch told him all he needed to know.

[pbplssaveme]

ok so ik this is lowk bad but i had this idea and i needed to write it lol and this is inspired by the story Flight 2136 or something like that lol ill come back and tag the creator later bc they deserve credit yk lol and this prob is confusing and very fast paced so im sorry in advance if you read this im new to writing bc normally i keep it to myself lol but i hope one person enjoys this and i have another section planned out so i will continue if some1 wants me too :) i don’t have a title so if you have an idea feel free to tell me and give me advice

warnings: mentions of drug use and abuse, swearing, and mental health issues (pls tell me if i forgot something)

this is based in an alternative universe and reminder ! nothing is real ! this is all fake ! they are real people and this is not intended for them to see !

playlist:

dark red - steve lacy

fine line - harry styles

listen before i go - billie eilish

the greatest - billie eilish

xanny - billie eilish

high and dry - radiohead

freaks- surf cruse

race - alex g

piano man - billy joel ⭐️

symphonia IX - current joys

invisible string - taylor swift

7:09 AM January 19th, 2020

“Azzi, Azzi, Azzi! Wake up!” Jose practically sobbed as he violently shook Azzi awake.

“What do you want Jose- wait what wrong,” Azzi quickly woke up once she saw the hysterical state her brother was in.

“It’s Paige! Something’s wrong, look at the news!” Jose said as he shoved his phone into his sister’s face.

Azzi barely had registered anything else but once she saw the headline on the article in front of her all she could read was:

“PAIGE BUECKERS, NO. ONE RECRUIT OF CLASS OF 2020, DOES NOT COMMIT TO ANY SCHOOL AND GONE OFF SOCIAL MEDIA, WHAT HAPPENED?”

“What the fuck!” Azzi almost screeched when she read the headline. 

Azzi shoved Jose out of the way before running to her parents bedroom, Jose quickly trailing behind her.

“MOM, MOM, WAKE UP PLEASE! ITS PAIGE SOMETHINGS WRONG! MOM!” Azzi was frantic and uncontrollable at this point, opening up her last messages with Paige.

p💗:

practice was so bad today

coach sucks

i miss you

i feel terrible like the life is sucked out of me

i don’t want to go out there im scared 

a💗:

i’m sorry:( practice should be good tmrw tho right?

coach just knows you can do good i promise you’re great yk

it’s gonna b ok though, you can always call me and i can even fly out if you really want me to

you’ll be ok i promise, you’re great with the media

i miss you too

p💗: 

thanks

i just feel like im losing my spark 

like no one believes me

well i know you and my family do but like

i don’t believe in myself anymore and that’s the hardest part

i feel like basketball is gonna b the death of me tho 😂

i see you in three weeks though its ok dw abt me too much ;) lol

thanks 

a💗:

quit be annoying 

and you’re not bad at all 

you’re literally number one recruit in the u.s. 

i believe in you enough for both of us combined even though it’s hard for you to see

i can’t watch the livestream so text me when you’re done pls 

i’m always here for you <3

p💗:

thanks

i will 

ily az

a💗:

ilyt p 💗 sleep well tn pls you need it 

last read yesterday 6:58 PM

“Honey what’s wrong, tell me, I can’t do anything to help if you don’t tell me,” Katie Fudd said as she rubbed her temples from being up so early in the morning.

Azzi frantically texted Paige,

a💗:

16 missed calls from p💗- 12:17 AM 

PAIGE

PAIGE MADISON

PAIGE MADISON BUECKERS

PAIGE

WHATS WRONG

I SAW THE NEWS ARTICLE 

FROM LIKE 30 MINUTES AGO

ANSWER ME

WHATS WRONG

THIS ISNT LIKE YOU

WHAT HAPPENED 

PLS TELL ME

WERE YOU HACKED OR SOMETHING

YOU WOULD NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS DELETE YOUR SOCIALS

PLS TELL ME THIS IS A PRANK

YOURE FUNNY YK

PLEASE ANSWER ME 😭😭😭

*37 missed calls from a💗 7:16 AM

“Mom, it’s Paige, she- she…” Azzi lips trembled before she could finish her sentence.

“She’s gone offline and won’t answer Azzi,” Jose finished for Azzi, after calming down a bit.

“What- What do you mean, Jose?” Katie asked as she hugged her daughter and rubbed her back in an attempt to soothe her.

“Look,” Jose said tears coming to his eyes again while he showed his mom his and Azzi’s phones. At this point, Tim and Jon were stirring awake from all the commotion in their house.

“Babe- wait Honey what’s wrong..” Tim said as he sat up looking at his family standing around in their bedroom.

“Holy shit…” Katie mumbled as she read the news headline and Azzi’s last conversation with Paige.

“It’s Paige, Tim. She, she-“ Katie sighed before she continued her brief rundown to Tim, “She deleted all her social media and won’t answer Azzi.”

“Holy fuck,” was all that Tim could muster up before he grabbed his phone, starting to text Bob, Paige’s dad.

“I’m blocked,” Azzi’s dad stated a matter of the fact, before turning the face his sobbing daughter. 

October 2nd, 2023, 11:57 AM

“So, Azzi, has anyone helped you keep your spirits extra high for this upcoming season as your third year here at UCONN?” the reporter stated before looking up at Azzi who stood there silently tapping her foot, anxiously waiting for the interview to be over.

“Um,” Azzi mumbled before looking at her feet. All that Azzi could think about ever for three years straight was Paige. Was Paige ok? Is she alive? Does she still play basketball? Does she hate me? Is her family ok? Is she in school? Did she miss me as much as I miss her?

The only thing that kept Azzi upright on most days and continuing playing basketball was the thought that Paige was going to someday be there beside her playing, living out their dream of playing together. All she ever thought about was Paige. Paige was what motivated her and kept her spirits up even though she hasn’t heard from her or her family in over three years.

“Uh, I would say my, um… best friend, Paige, you know, Paige Bueckers,” Azzi’s quietly said, silently praying now at this point the interview would be over.

“Oh! Have you been in contact with her? How is she doing?” the overwhelming, overly excited interviewer responded with while waiting for a response with her notebook out taking notes.

“Oh… uh, no,” Azzi said as tears threatened to spill out of her eyes, before stating “Um, I actually have to go, Coach is calling me.” Azzi gave a fake, lighthearted laugh while she heard her phone buzz violently in her pocket. Thankful for the excuse, she teared her phone out of her pocket and excused herself out of the lounge into Geno’s office. Once Azzi made it into Geno’s office, she immediately noticed the solemn, but tense expression on his face, filling the entire room with an energy that she knew she could not escape.

“Hey Coach” Azzi said before sitting down in one of the chairs across from Geno. 

“Well this is going to be an awkward conversation,” Geno stated before taking a deep breath. Azzi’s breath hitched, not knowing where this conversation could lead to.

“So, as I’ve been made aware of your situation with Paige Bueckers, you two were best friends until she um… disappeared you could say?” Geno said while slowly looking back up at Azzi. 

No. No. No. Why now. Any other time please. I do not want to have this conversation anymore even though it hasn’t even started. Azzi thought before looking at her coach and nodding her head, agreeing with what he was saying, too scared to say anything, afraid she would start crying.

“Well there has been some news that came out this morning, her family had contacted us explaining their situation and stated that Paige would be contacting us soon about transferring here, to UCONN, to complete her college degree and was interested in playing basketball with us this season if possible. We responded back saying that’s wonderful and we would love to meet her and get to know her before making further decisions. They also said that she wanted you, specifically, to know before anyone else on the team because she was nervous and wanted to know if you were okay with it. And yes, I got a brief rundown by them, they didn’t go into detail so I don’t know too much, about how she hasn’t texted you for the past three years or so and how you will most definitely be confused why she hasn’t said anything to you but I want you to know I can tell something happened and you need to be there for her and be welcoming when she just visits us soon,” Geno vocalized before standing up and giving Azzi a pat on the shoulder and sitting back down.

All that went through Azzi’s mind during that conversation was holy fuck, she’s gonna be here after three years would she even still want to talk to me. Azzi’s eyes immediately started welling up before she started spewing questions, “Do you know why she didn’t go to college in person? Is she ok? Is her family fine? What else do you know?!” Azzi sobbed as she wiped her face with her practice jersey.

“Her family stated that she could not attend college in person and had to get rid of her socials due to the fact that they had some issues at home and needed to focus on their family first. Trust me, I want to know the real story too and I am concerned for the poor girl because I know this is a big step for her. But they did tell me she has been doing online college for the past three years, but they believed she was ready to come back to school in person and wanted her to be able to play basketball because they know she couldn’t just go back to school and do nothing. I want her to play here because she could be great. Her playing here for just one or two years could really be big for us and her. You’ve got no reason to be afraid kiddo, maybe just the fact that she maybe an emotional wreck when she’s here,” Geno said chuckling at his last statement.

“Uh, ok. Thank you for letting me know Coach,” Azzi mumbled before standing up and walking out of the office. She quickly shot Nika a text, stating that she needed a ride back to the dorms because she couldn’t drive, before receiving a quick thumbs up and an ‘omw’ from Nika. Azzi was confused. How was she doing? Is she going to play with me again after the past three years? Is she going to want to play together again? She stood there outside of the practice facility in the chilly breeze before Nika pulled up.

“Girl, where’s your jacket? Oh wait, what’s wrong Honey?” Nika said as she quickly jumped out her car in a pair of sweats, opening the passenger door and putting Azzi’s gym bag in the back seat.

“Az, what happened?” Nika said softly as she wiped Azzi’s tears as she laid there looking out the window.

“She’s gonna be here Nik, she- she’s gonna want to see me after three years. Omg-“ Azzi hiccuped before completely breaking down.

“Oh baby, it’s gonna be ok,” Nika reassured her before pulling out to drive back to the dorms. 

“What if she never wants to see me again Nika, like, does she still consider me her best friend?” Azzi asked as she slowly, slowed her breathing down. 

“I think she would, wait, how’d you find out Paige is coming here, wait, she’s like coming back almost?” Nika asked incredulously once she processed sudden realization as she took a right turn.

“Coach told me, the rest of the team doesn’t know or the media, don’t tell them before Coach does please,”  Azzi said before laying down in the seat, closing her eyes, with tears still running down her cheeks.

“Don’t worry Az,” Nika reassured her as they pulled up to the dorms.

October 10th, 2023 1:23 PM

“Okay everybody, listen up” Geno barked as the group of girls in front of him shuffled into position.

“Paige is going to be here at 2. I expect nothing but kindness and welcoming introductions, no snarky comments or remarks, and especially no personal questions about those three years she was at home, got it?” Geno stated before staring at the group before him.

There were a few ‘Yes Coach’ and ‘Yes Sir’s before Geno spoke again.

“While we have time before she arrives, make sure the facility and your rooms are neat and tidy,” there was a brief pause before he spoke again, “I have a complete in depth map of the facility in case you want it, now before I let y’all run wild, I need Nika, Aaliyah, and Azzi to stay behind.”

Azzi’s breath hitched as she heard her name being called out by Geno but she stood there as she watched all the other girls leave, some heading towards the locker room, others going back to the dorms. The three girls stood there with as much confidence they could muster up, with all of their nail-biting nerves begging them to leave. 

“You guys will tour her around, show her everything and introduce her to all of the girls, got it?” Geno asked, waiting for a response.

“Yes Coach,” all three girls said before getting shooed off by Geno.

“I’m so royally fucked,” Azzi mumbled once they were out of earshot from their coach.

October 10th, 2023 11:45 AM

Paige stood their pacing her room. Her arms hurt and she could barely take a full breath. She woke up early that morning, trying to warn off any nerves she had before she had to face them, and her. Her hair was pulled back into a sleek, but messy bun, with little face framing pieces and light makeup. She wore long black cargo pants, a dark blue hoodie she had since her and Azzi were friends, and a small silver chain that had a small silver cross dangling off of it with some silver rings on her fingers that she liked or fidget with. She was put together on the outside for the most part. But on the inside, she was an emotional wreck. Her stomach dropped at the sudden ring from the room phone. Hoping it was not her parents, she breathlessly answered the phone, “Hello,” was all that she could put together before she hiccuped, hoping the other person on the line couldn’t hear the shakiness in her voice.

“Is this Paige Bueckers?” a small voice on the other line asked.

“Uh, yes- wait who is this?” Paige asked before she would answer anymore questions.

“Paigey! It’s Drew! Mom doesn’t know that I am calling, I just wanted to let you know that I love you and I hope you have a good day today,” there was a brief pause before he spoke again, “tell Azzi I said hi!”

Paige couldn’t believe it, she hadn’t heard from Drew since she got seperated from them three years ago. Her heart shattered when she heard Drew again,

“Oh, uh, I gotta go, Mom is coming. I love you Paigey.” 

Paige dropped the phone. 

“What the fuck,” she gasped as she scrambled to grab her phone and keys.

As Paige rushed out of her room, a whirlwind of emotions coursed through her veins. Drew’s voice echoed in her mind, reminding her of a time when family bonds felt unbreakable, a stark contrast to the reality she had faced over the past three years. She had missed so much due to herself, and the weight of that missed connection felt heavier than ever as she prepared to face a world that felt foreign to her now. Her hatred for her parents coursed through her veins as she pounded her way down the flights of stairs. 

So many emotions crashed over her like waves—relief that she was alive and breathing, guilt for leaving Drew, confusion about everything she had lost and everything she was about to face. It had taken her three years of fighting for her freedom, slowly chipping away at the barriers her parents had built around her since that terrible night in January 2020. After her overdose, everything changed dramatically. Her mother, terrified of losing her again, had imposed a strict regimen of control that included a sudden and complete cutoff from her former life. Friends became distant memories, her social media accounts vanished overnight, and the family she had once been inseparable from turned into strangers. The isolation felt suffocating, but Paige had poured all her energy into basketball—her one true escape and the one thing her parents let her do during that time. Waiting back in her hotel room were the hundreds of letters she wrote for Azzi, all of Azzi’s stuff she left back in Paige’s room years ago, and the letter from her mom she tore up and threw out before she read it. After almost tripping down the last three stairs, she got to her car and immediately started pulling out, GPS already pulled out to UCONN. She had watched every single one of Azzi’s games the past three years in the darkness of her own bedroom only feeling guilt of not being there right next beside her. All that she knew in this moment was that she was going to see Azzi again, reopening the already unhealed wound that cut deep through her heart and body.

October 10, 2023 2:03 PM

“Oh God,” Azzi said as she carefully watched Paige walk up to the gym through the doors.

“Hey, Azzi, you’re good girl. She is probably just as nervous as you,” Aaliyah reassured Azzi while giving her a small pat on the back.

“Yeah, as much as I have my own doubts, I know she’ll do just fine here,” Nika stated while also carefully staring out the glass double-doors.

Azzi’s heart dropped when she caught another glimpse of Paige. Her blonde her was just as she remembered, long, golden, and bright. Hey eyes matched the deep blue of her hoodie she wore that perfectly hung off of her tall but broad frame. She still walked with confidence although Azzi could see the slight hesitation she had in every step. Her posture was slightly lowered, Azzi assumed because of the cold breeze.

"She looks nervous," Azzi whispered, her voice barely audible. Nika and Aaliyah glanced at her, understanding the sentiment that lingered in the air as they sensed Azzi's growing unease.

"Remember what Coach said," Nika reminded her softly. "Just be welcoming. She needs to know that you’re still here for her.”

Once Paige made the pain staking walk to the entrance she opened the door anticipating the worse. She didn’t move far once she entered since she was instructed to not enter further without any of the coaches or teams’ guidance. But when she looked up to the second set of doors she saw her. She stood there, like always, with a quiet confidence, eyes big but comforting, and an oh so familiar aura around her Paige could not get enough of once she was in Azzi’s presence. They both immediately froze at the sight of each other, not knowing what to do. Paige was fortunate enough for Azzi to make the first move. She took a small step forward, with Nika and Aaliyah looming behind her.

“Hi,” Azzi breathed.

“Az,” Paige whispered, almost inaudible.

Before either of them could process their actions fully, they grasped onto each other like they were their lifelines.

“I’m sorry, like so sorry, I’m sor-“

“Don’t be sorry P, you’re here and that’s all that matters,” Azzi said as she buried her face into Paige’s shoulder.

“I didn’t mean to leave you, I promise, I-“ Paige sobbed as she dug her face into Azzi’s neck, trying to engrave every detail about Azzi into her brain all over again.

“Please don’t be mad at me,” Paige pleaded into Azzi’s ear.

“I could never be mad at you P.”

[imaginesbymk]

*that tiktok sound* hey!!….. hey…….. how y’all doing………..

i have a lot to say but lemme start off by saying i am SOOOOOooOoOoO sorry for ghosting this blog for a year. same thing’s been happening with wattpad. i ghosted 2 fics on there. and that includes my original dystopian scifi novel that has been in self development hell (as i like to call it)

my only explanation is that i grew unmotivated and grew out of writing fics. it came to a point where im just maladaptive daydreaming, the maladaptive daydreaming takes over and it doesnt let me actually create anything. the other reason is timing. i worked my ass off and finally graduated college with a 4.0 GPA, i did more commercial modelling and runway for a university fashion show so i can build my portfolio, i work full time and my pay is big, i made more art in my sketchbook... basically i just lived my life outside of tumblr.

another thing, the giant elephant in the room, i met cameron monaghan and morena baccarin at fanexpo canada! cameron went through my sketchbook, signed my jerome/jeremiah fanart, and asked me if i was an art student. after i told him i was rejected twice, he looked through every single page in my sketchbook and told me, "aw. well, fuck 'em!" that "it looks like [you] don't need art school" after all. he saw my reservoir dogs acrylic portraits of mr. pink and mr. white and told me he used to watch that film almost 600-700 times when he was 12. he then took a pic of my Grace Van Dien fanart (when i met her in 2022 at fanexpo canada) and he told me he's gonna send it to her. i had no idea they even knew each other.

i couldn't afford a table selfie+autograph combo at morena's autograph sessions so i only paid for a selfie. i said "oi" and "obrigada" to morena before and after taking a selfie with her and she said thank you back with a big smile :D so fanexpo was surreal.

i've always wanted to meet cameron monaghan and after years of writing fanfic for jerome and jeremiah valeska and other gotham fandom character imagines, i *finally* got to meet him.

ive been thinking about coming back and writing again, not just tumblr but on wattpad and getting serious with my original scifi dystopian novel. there's so much that i wanna do in life other than become financially stable and become a successful petite model until i no longer look the part. its hard for me to write because i get so easily stumped. even when i create some ambiance and rewatch the fandom to get inspired, it just drops again. writing is hard. that is why i have respect for my mutuals and my favourite famous authors that got me to write when i was 12. (lol) and anyways, i made new friends and im the happiest ive ever been romantically that i dont need to *imagine* anything with a fandom character, i do it for those who imagine it themselves!

im so sad to come back here and see that a few of my mutuals are inactive or have deactivated. and i became like them and abandoned my work. to be fair, my writing isn't that good, and it still isn't, and if i get something written and published here or on wattpad on a professional hardcopy of my book, i won't believe that it's my best work - and i aced my creative writing elective in my program, so that's a bummer.

i think meeting cameron is giving me a nudge to get back to writing. it feels weird wanting to write jerome/jeremiah fanfic after interacting with the actor himself for less than 5mins of his time, and that he's a human being that experiences human stuff like we all do, the only difference is that he's famous. im not sure if it healed my parasocial mindset with my fave celebs. i do want to take my time and write *something*. i am not doing the requests that have been in my drafts and inbox for a year (sorry :O) im just gonna take my time and readjust and get something down.

<3 mad love to my mutuals @myriadimagines @spacetalbot @arrogant-sonofa-bitch @littlemissvincentvega @emcon-imagines @writerdream22 @jjsmaybank20 @witchthewriter @musicallisto @locke-writes @zodiyack @mahvericks @karasong @moonlit-imagines @randomfandomimagine + many more moots

[dansevilpianotea]

ramble ahead about time, tatinof, 2015 and changing one's life

tatinof is very special and im so happy they did this video to acknowledge that its not cringe at all and that theyre proud of their past selves !! there's sth genuinely healing about that !! ive had a hard time in 2015 and even tho i was 12/13 and just discovered that online fan communities of things i was into were a thing and was nowhere close to the phandom (i joined after BIG), this is the fandom internet that i joined back then. thats why its so poetic that they sing 'the internet is here', because to me this is the time it started to be there for me. it wasnt always kind to me and instagram was not a great platform to start on if your bullies and other ppl from school were also on it, but it was also when for the first time ever i realised that there were not only people who liked what i liked but that those ppl also have created their own culture and community online !! i was not totally alone !! there is a life outside of school !! i would never chose to go back to that time ever like it was horrible (that applies to any time in the past tho, i hate the idea of 'going back in time' with a passion) but im glad that the internet was there for me because no one else really was if im being real with you.

more below the cut because im an insufferable yapper (dan is a terrible influence haha tit joke)

this all is maybe why i find it hard to go back to watch dnps older content and also the stuff from the tatinof era. dan's sarcastic self-hating persona and phils innocent nerd persona are both hitting a bit too close to home and i want to both cry for them and for myself. we knew nothing back then. we were lost and yet did sth we were proud of. yet here we are almost 10 years later and how the fuck did we end up here but oh my god im so proud of us. all it took for me was to watch dan's coming out video. all it took for them was to be embraced and loved by their audience (us). dan also needed a break which is something that at the time it happend was really hard for me but then i found my wonderful lovely phannie discord friends here. we really all got here together and if i ever see any single person say that dnp hate us or dan hates it or that dnp are cringe or that we are cringe etc etc i will block you so hard because what are you even doing bringing up drama when in reality dan and phil and the phandom have developed the most remarkable symbiotic relationship between artist adn fans ever. they are our dads and i honestly just want to say how fucking proud i am of them for how far theyve come and what theyve done since 2015. dan really did the whole mental health and gay thing but then he did the mental health again!! and i think ywgttn and wad need to be given more credit here because idk if you remember pre-wad dan but he wasnt anything like post wad dan. every since wad he seems so happy and genuinely authetic and in peace. (im ignoring dystopia daily here because that was filmed before wad and his dd persona also reminds me too much of 2015 depressed dan than whatever high concept he was going for lol, im just not a dd fan). like wad changed his relationship with us and its warming my entire heart when i see dan smile so much now. he deserves to be happy and proud. and if dan deserved it after going through so much and coming out on top (literally), then i deserve it too. and phil? i love how he's just so confident now. fuck. (literally). he is not the innocent nerd anymore like he actually is fully really himself now and feels comfortable in his body (crop top, phlonde, etc) and openly expressing his sexuality ! even compare this phil to phil from the beginning of the hiatus!! he got so much more confident and relaxed since then!! like fully, really, if he can do it, if he can strip himself of the persona that ppl have attributed to him because of his anxiety, then i can do that too. im so proud of phil. he is an inspiration and the more he's being himself publically with no shame, the more an autistic phannie will feel hopeful for their future. im so proud of both of them.

like its crazy you go through your life thinking you're going nowhere and never making any progress and will never reach your goals but then you stop and look back what you were like 6 months ago and realise how many lives you have lived since then. it always goes back to BIG when dan said this:

[...] I thought I was trapped in a situation forever when in reality, the entire world I lived in and my life changed completely. I thought it was hopeless when in reality there was so much to hope for and that's it. Time changes everything. With the lives that we have, we can try anything we've dreamed of. I want anyone that's ever felt like this to realize you are never trapped. There is always hope. You just need to believe in yourself and get to the other side.

this everyone, changed my life. and i will never be able to thank dan enough for it, no matter how much i pay for tour tickets, how often i watch their videos or share my love for them on here. i just want to mention this because its never just 'light entertainment', it means the world to many of us and we have build a wonderful and loving community despite the hardships of the past and pointless discourses of the present. like, we can change shit for ourselves because we see these gay idiots do it who have done soooo fucking much in the last 15 years like they were on radio 1 and on a hollywood billboard and hosted various big big events. and yet, they decided they want to use their time to do things for themselves and their community. they have said many times that they havent made a profit from (parts of) their tours but they do it regardless. they do really love us and i dont think ive ever really felt loved by people who i was in a fandom for like that. its really not as parasocial as it might seem anymore. we got here together and we should be proud of that. i love dnp and i love you phannies so much !! 💕💕💕💕💕

[ar-feyniel]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by dear @luthien-under-bough

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

52

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

878,730. That's insane actually now that I think about it.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

HOTD/ASOIAF, but also dabbling into "The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue"

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Maternal love - Aemma-centric time-travel fix-it

Armistice - slow-burn(ish), enemies-to-lovers epic fic with human sacrifice and a lot of denial of feelings. And magic!

daughter's wrath - early marriage Daemyra, basically a "what if Rhaenyra married Daemon once her father's marriage to Alicent is announced". Brat!Nyra to its fullest.

Violet-Eyed Jealousy - my biggest claim to fame, the thing that started daddy-in-law agenda, canonverse.

Passion driven - my very first attempt at writing for this fandom and in English overall, the whole fic is shorter than some of my current one-shots lol, but it still hangs strong in top-5.

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to! Unless they are mean, obnoxious or demanding.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably you took everything from me because it's Daemma, canonverse, and they are doomed lol.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Tbh almost all my fics end with "they fuck and are happy", it's hard to pick just one.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I do, occasionally, and sometimes it upsets me, sometimes I just block and move on.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Mostly F/M, but also F/F and Multi. Haven't written any M/M yet, and as for kinks - well, I don't think I have any hard-nos at this point haha

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

counting tides is technically a crossover because it's heavily based on "The Odyssey" and is adapted to ASOIAF setting.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes, unfortunately.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, without my permission lol. I made the mods take it down.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I plan to! With an author who I consider to be a dear friend of mine. <3

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Daemyra - and if we talk about other fandoms, I have my preferences, but Daemyra is *the* brainrot.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

the poison in my blood has your name. This fic was plagiarised and I have no idea whether I will come back to it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Characterisation, probably? I also like to believe my premises are creative.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Consistency, that's easy haha. My creativity and inspiration are too fickle.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't see the point. Whenever I encounter High Valyrian or any other language I don't speak in a fic, I just skip this part and never bother with looking for translation.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The Silmarillion.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

maybe this thing was a masterpiece ('til you tore it all up) - it's an angsty modern AU that is probably my best writing ever. I cried when writing it, and every time I reread it, there is a knot in my chest. This is something I am really proud of.

no pressure tags @calenlily @grandlovescheme @awfullylongtime

[lil-oreo-crumbles]

Care to discuss Zarina?

HELL YEAH she’s my GIRLLL 👑

Princess Zarina Kardona of Septarsis, second hatched child of the former (now passed) Rulers of Septarsis, and unofficial second in charge of Septarsis after her older brother, the legendary Seth of Septarsis.

Gonna try and keep this brief-ish (this is not brief omfg I’m sorry this is so long)

Zarina spent all of her early childhood in Septarsis. She never travelled outside of it. Septarsis was all she ever knew.

Just like her brother, she’s seen the extent of the horrors of Mewmankind. She too was stolen from Septarsis and taken to the same place Seth was where they were both put under the worst circumstances for 89 years. (I’m intentionally being vague on the details of this)

Seth feels personally responsible to take care of his sister since he was 15 years older than her. Around the time they were taken there was a notable mental age difference (Zarina was 35 and Seth was 50, making them in Septarian aging the equivalent to 8 and 12 respectively), and even if the gap has been closed and they’re both basically the same mental age, he still carries with him that responsibility, even if she can take care of herself now.

^^^“Just don’t leave me alone wondering where you are” “I am stronger than you give me credit for”

Zarina in her current form had no chance to actually blossom until after those 89 years. She realized her identity and gave herself a new name in the middle of those 89 years, but due to their situation she was hard pressed to do anything about her physical appearance :(

Seth is endlessly supportive of his sister’s new name and her transition. He loves her to death.

She and Seth worked as a team (with the help of the other captured monster kids) to get out of their situation and eventually made it back to Septarsis, and she sobbed at the sight of her homeland in its dark age.

Because of the atrocities they both were subjected to, both Seth and Zarina have a close, almost unbreakable bond. Yes, they quarrel all the damn time and get on each other’s nerves, but they rarely keep anything from each other. If one of them did, let’s say the other would be crushed.

In situations where the siblings work together for a cause, Seth is the outspoken one who inspires crowds of people and gets everyone hyped. He can command an audience and be charismatic and win people over. Zarina, however, is a lot more introverted. She cares a lot more about interpersonal relationships. She’s the type to privately talk to people, ease their fears, and inspire hope individually. Seth will speak to the crowd, Zarina will speak to the person.

In those same situations they both work together on strategy, both offering their own unique perspectives but ultimately finding compromises.

Zarina was the one to give the final blow that killed the man who not only took over Septarsis and put their civilization into its dark age, but also orchestrated the murder of their parents. It was liberating.

Despite her calm, reserved, formal, and polite exterior, if you dare get on her bad side/make her angry she can get so much more threatening and violent than her brother. You do not want to piss this woman off.

Zarina is, to put it bluntly, sheltered as all hell to anything outside Septarsis and those 89 years. This makes her incredibly socially awkward. She carries with her a sense of grace and formality as the Princess of Septarsis, but that’s mainly because she doesn’t speak in front of people too much. If she’s confronted about anything she’ll freeze up and mutter something if she doesn’t know or otherwise. (This is why Seth was the chosen leader lol). Plus she’s also very introverted so she just prefers being alone or with a few close people in general.

Zarina is also, notoriously, a horrible liar. She may be able to keep a secret but finds it difficult to lie when confronted. This ties back to her social awkwardness. She could not lie to save her life, it’d be written all over her face.

She was the first person to actually hear Mylanie out about her peace ideology. She asked Mylanie privately to discuss her ideas. She put aside her own biases and experiences to listen deeply and intently to what Mylanie was trying to do, being one of the first people to realize how honest and earnest she really was about this whole thing. Zarina convinced Seth to hear her out too, sparking the friendship and bond between the three of them.

Zarina, despite her past, gains a nuanced opinion about the Mewman situation. This is when she withdrawals from firmly siding with her brother to something in the middle between him and Mylanie.

Zarina finds herself as the awkward middleman between her extroverted pessimistic brother and their extroverted optimistic friend, Mylanie, as the introverted realist who calms them down when things gets too heated. She’s kind of like the referee which I think is hilarious

Mylanie was the one to finally coax Zarina out of her shell, opening her mind to the various cultures amoungst the different Monsters and even Mewmans. Seth was a lot more well travelled as the Supreme Lord, so Mylanie got to be her personal guide to the outside world.

Being around Seth and Mylanie for so long finally influenced her to be more outspoken and develop her skills in leadership and delegation. They inspire her.

She hates the whole courting thing because she knows it disrespects Mylanie’s boundaries. She always angrily tells Seth to quit it.

Like Seth, Zarina similarly loves Torrence (aka Toffee) very much. She isn’t as outwardly affectionate because of how reserved she is, but shows her appreciation in little ways that mean a lot (she basically allows him free access to the Septarian library, for example)

When Mylanie passed away, just like Seth and Toffee, she was devastated. Seth avoided confronting his grief by piling himself into the war effort and Toffee had Eclipsa to lift his spirits, but Zarina had basically no one. She was alone in her grief and fell back into the cycle of isolation.

The first time she stepped outside after Mylanie’s passing was when she confronted Eclipsa and lost her arm. Rasticore created a prototype robotic arm (that was later improved by an actual engineer…) for her to use as a prosthetic that she greatly appreciates. And because of this Seth doesn’t let her go anywhere without a soldier by her side.

Zarina and her nephew are very close.

Zarina, unlike Seth, really values people’s boundaries. With that being said, she doesn’t put any extra pressure on Toffee after she and Seth take him in and leaves him be for the most part, but is always there with open arms if he needs her. She never refers to Toffee in any familial way— she knows how he responds to that *cough*Seth calling him son*cough*— even if he’s the closest thing to a son she’s ever had. She loves him with everything she has, but he’d never guess it since she rarely feels like she can express it.

Toffee’s bad boy phase gave her grey hairs she lost her temper with his attitude and cockiness so much.

Zarina offered to go as the representative for Septarsis when Comet sent out the banquet invitation before Toffee offered.

After the Comet situation and Toffee and Seth’s fight, Zarina tried to talk to him one on one. However, Toffee was far too angry that the two of them ended up having their own quarrel before he left.

I’ve alluded to this, but Zarina and Seth were both devastated when news of Toffee’s death finally reached them. Zarina uncharacteristically acted impulsively and wanted to send out the army to give Moon and Star a taste of real Septarian aggression for murdering one of their most prominent figures. Seth, on the other hand, despite being just as furious, had to seriously talk her down and explain that it’s not smart to rush into things and waste Septarsis’s resources. It took everything in her power to not take action against the Butterflies, but did back down.

I feel like there may be this underlying inferred inferiority complex, because of how well known Seth is and all of his accomplishments, but I wanna make it known that Zarina holds no animosity towards him. Sure, she’s a bit disappointed that no one really knows who she is, but also simultaneously relieved. Again, she’s not the outspoken type, so it works in her favor if she can chill in the shadows.

Sometimes though people do mistake her for Seth’s wife which… makes both of them fly off the handle with vocal disgust for fairly obvious reasons. That’s the hard part about not being known, but she manages.

WOWOWOW I loved talking about my girl Zarina she’s so fun I love her.

[fuckfuckgoback]

paracosm dashboard simulator

Inspired by @maddgical-boy :D

🌃 justice385627 Follow

Repeat offender caught west of main. Subject has short brown hair, brown eyes, and was known for pickpocketing. Confiscated goods are pending return.

🤺 bcbd-group Follow

caught west of main

thats our area you fucking leeches what the hell

🫐 orions-belt Follow

We actually ran into them in the mid city, and chased them all the way over. 😅

🌃 justice385627

And we wouldn't have had to if any of you could do your jobs.

73 notes

🕶️ monsterfucker378 Follow

something about that slime guy from last week... c'mon police just let me visit i could fix him

17,084 notes

🌃 justice385627 Follow

In reference to the reblog below this: Let him figure it out on his own.

🪨 scumoftheearth Follow

girl he's been posting pics of baggy Ts with khaki shorts please let me intervene

🌃 justice385627

K told me to reply "It's a canon event" and you know I'm not a girl?

#confusion aside it hurts me as well but he has to start somewhere

340 notes

🫐 orions-belt Follow

does anyone have any fashion advice

🫐 orions-belt

like, how it works?

🫐 orions-belt

where do people buy clothes...?

6 notes

powers-kill-deactivated20360709

This attack on our city cannot go ignored. The public should not fear humanoid monsters or people creating electricity to destroy and steal from our community stores. It is revolting.

Possessing powers at all makes these individuals inherently dangerous, but we should not ever see them used to their extreme like this. Action must be taken.

🕷️ gayspiderlover Follow

oh to be able to summon lightning and take down capitalism with my spidergirl girlfriend

powers-kill-deactivated20360709

These people are causing real chaos and destruction. You are sick for joking about this.

🕷️ gayspiderlover

😚🏳️‍🌈🕷️

mwah

#happy six year anniversary to this post #and the attack ig #i hope theyre still together

58,341 notes

💁‍♀️ gender-fucked-nbee Follow

"his pronouns are she/her!" - E probably

🌃 justice385627 Follow

What? I am well aware tack uses she/her pronouns.

🫐 orions-belt Follow

It's a joke, it's based off a different meme, I think they're just saying you'd say something like that.

🌃 justice385627

This site is a waste of time.

35 notes

🥼 ethical-lesbian-crimes Follow

been experimenting with making small bombs recently and i put one in my bag and almost brought it home on accident. if my little sister had found that....

john-deactivated20420312

what is it with these fake self proclaimed "vigilante crime fighters" nowadays trying to be so cool? we know you don't make bombs, quit stroking your ego

🥼 ethical-lesbian-crimes

hey.

673 notes

coquette-n-cute-deactivated20411230

if you have any of the slots on your ci ring set to anything fancy unfollow me immediately. its frankly quite rude to switch into that in front of your friends who can't afford something so expensive

tumblruser-deactivated20420214

a ci ring is $6000??????

iiiiidiots-deactivated20420123

LMAO imagine complaining about not affording a suit yet owning the rich person identity stealer 2000

#everyone here died 💀 #anyway its super easy to make knockoffs

37,064 notes

💕 fangirl-hours Follow

whoes that new guy with the blue hair? I think hes been running around with the team down by the bottom of the hills? vigilante fans help me out here!

🫐 orions-belt Follow

thats me actually! I am newer around here but I'm with E's group. my hair might stand out a little too much lol

💕 fangirl-hours

OMG. uh hiiiiiiiii. youre very cool I love when you do stuff with uhh gravity. wanna hang out sometime?

🫐 orions-belt

uh, E doesn't really want us meeting up with anyone outside the group in our secret identities. so probably not.

💕 fangirl-hours

oh well can we still dm?

💕 fangirl-hours

hello?

12 notes

💁‍♀️ gender-fucked-nbee Follow

🪨 scumoftheearth Follow

definitely left

💁‍♀️ gender-fucked-nbee

poll canceled everyone my partner is here 🥰

🌑 night-fight Follow

doesn't your blog say you're aroace?

🪨 scumoftheearth

yeah and it also says that im in a qpr with them so whats your fucking problem

#do people on this site not read?

203 notes

📌 tack---- Follow

#gaming

2,078 notes

[mistysharks]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @hilarychuff thank you! <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

11! For now:)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

75,643

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Just Stranger Things for now! I would love to branch out but the hyperfocus does what it wants and I am just along for the ride!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I'm Stupid (Do Me) Steddie/M/Getting together/first time (first one I wrote of them!)

All you have is your fire (and the place you need to reach) Hellcheerington/E/Sex Pollen

Five times Steve Walked in on Eddie and Chrissy (And one time they walked in on him) Hellcheer + Hellcheerington Pre-slash/M/Accidental Voyeurism

5 times Steve absolutely didn't have a bisexual meltdown (and one time he did) Hellcheer + Hellcheerington/M/Getting together

Some lonely night we can get together (and I'm gonna tie your wrists with leather) E/Hellcheerington/ final part of my Vampire Eddie and Chrissy series!

(I need to start doing shorter titles :') )

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! Almost always, though it might take me a while! I always appreciate them all <3

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Ok so honestly? I don't do angst much haha, and literally never sad endings. Its all gonna be tied up with a neat little happy bow from me, baby! I think I left chapter 3 of Bardic Inspiration in a pretty sad state - does that count?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Orgasms cout, right? ;D Right now what comes to mind though is the only fix-it fic I've really written - (I only need) the working of my hands Where I give Hellcheer the happy, sexy ending they deserve (but make it Sapphic with a side of coming back wrong)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet! Fingers crossed it remains that way! I usually try and stay miles away from any fandom drama tbh

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I am determined to! Like sure I would call some of what I've already written smut but I feel like I'm not quite fully there yet. I haven't fully realised the lengths of perversion/intimacy hyperfixation that sits in my mind! Its an ongoing process hehe

Regarding what flavour of smut I write, its always queer, soft, and a little gothic in the undertones... Would love to do some more genderqueer stuff in the future as well

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not yet! I'm not against them, and I loove a good AU, but nothing has stuck so far. Maybe one day I'll write that Stranger Things Persona 4 AU. (look it would work so well!! Eddie as Kanji makes me feral ngl)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I'm aware of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I love that that is a thing people do <3

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No but that would be super fun! I tried RP once couldn't get into it:( Sharing ideas and bouncing plot points is always fun though:)

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Thats too hard! I'm just gonna do a current top 5 lol 1. Steddie 2. Hellcheerington 3. Hellcheer 4. Lan Zhan/Wei Ying (Untamed) 5. Kanji/Naoto(P4)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I have 2 unpublished, lengthy chapters of a Steddie pirate AU that I love but I really don't know how to keep going with :(

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'm pretty proud of how I set the mood of a scene - the colours, the light, the sounds... just hinting at a feeling without describing the feeling itself.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I can like, either do super dialogue heavy bits, or really descriptive bits, and its so hard to marry the two together!! ahh!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Look english is hard enough lol

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry potter haha, wrote some truly terrible angsty self-insert when i was 14 (luckily that is gone forever!!)

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Honestly, I really love When I am done, its such a snap-shot kind of fic, and its got such a mood that I love. Keeping a one-shot simple and to the point is really difficult, and I think this one is my best attempt at it.

Thanks for tagging me as always, Hil! I'm tagging whoever reads this hehe - if you made it this far you should totally do it too (these are fun!)

[anistarrose]

20 questions for fic writers, tagged by @holdmecloser-gandydancer (thanks reese!) tagging @fexalted @3hobbitsinatrenchcoat @novantinuum and anyone else who wants to!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

86, very soon to be 87!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

397,102. my god.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The majority (over half) of my total fics on AO3 are Gravity Falls, but my current passion right now is obviously TAZ Balance, which is a pretty close runner-up. TOH is a lot further behind, but I have at least one WIP I want to finish up early next year!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Some Sunny Day (Gravity Falls), Tulip's Return (Infinity Train), Stan and Ford Vs. The Future (GF), Fateful Detours (GF/IT crossover), Missteps and Miscommunication (GF).

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Usually, and especially when they give me a chance to infodump about the writing process! I just don't necessarily respond quickly lol

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

In recent memory, it might be but the strange lights in the sky were shining (TAZ). I write more happy/bittersweet endings than sad ones, but that one... that one has one of my absolute favorite twists :)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

to eat from a poisoned plate (TAZ) is one that I almost didn't write a happy ending for, but I'm so glad that I did, because I go back and reread that one a lot, admittedly.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Usually no more than annoying but generic "please update" comments, but back in the Gravity Falls fandom, there was this one person that you've probably heard of/encountered if you wrote a lot about Bill Cipher back in the day.

They were a guest account user who'd get so mad if you killed off Bill, to the point of making threats (albeit exaggerated, not really realistic ones), and also one time they told me I should go read a particular MLP fic and take inspiration from it in my own. Which, no shade against MLP, but as someone who's never been in that fandom, that's literally the funniest entitled comment I've received in my life.

9. Do you write smut?

Nope, but I do occasionally write characters being horny. There's a huge difference between those things for me, and that probably has everything to do with where I lie on the ace spectrum lmao

10. Do you write crossovers?

A couple times, though I used to be way more into them than I am now. There was the aforementioned GF/Infinity Train one, and my gateway into writing TAZ fic was actually a very silly "what if the Pines family were the protags of TAZ Balance" fic.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, and fingers crossed it doesn't happen 🤞

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, a few times! My buddy @yourbonesarenowmycoat translated several of my Gravity Falls fics into Spanish back in the day, for one thing!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

This should come as no surprise but it's Blupjeans forever and ever <3

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oh, god. Probably the one that I wrote like 9 chapters (out of 10 planned ones) to cope with being chronically ill and to convince myself to go to therapy, and then abruptly stopped writing when it was almost done because I figured out how to manage my chronic illness and soon after, started going to therapy. On the one hand, it would be tragic for it to never see the light of day, but on the other hand, it kinda... served its purpose for me already?

16. What are your writing strengths?

Fic as character study! Sometimes I set out with the goal of elucidating a particular theme or character motivation, and sometimes it just happens along the way, but I am a genius with regards to character analysis and my brain is galaxy and I'm not afraid to share it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue is one thing for sure, I get a lot of compliments on it but it's also such a challenge for me. Possibly because I, personally, don't talk like a remotely normal human person irl. The other thing is brevity and killing my darlings — I literally can't count the number of times one of my fics exceeded the expected word count by orders of magnitude.

The aforementioned character study thing? Yeah, that's also a weakness, because a lot of my fics (even including some very, very long ones!) exist to explore themes I couldn't figure out how to word in a simple headcanon post. In fact, I'm probably gonna post a fic of that exact variety this weekend, lmao.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Definitely not fluent enough in any language to do it on any larger scale, unless I get serious about learning Spanish again.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Not on AO3, but in general, it was definitely Pokémon! I was writing time travel stories set in Sinnoh before Legends Arceus made it cool.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

As previously mentioned... probably "to eat from a poisoned plate". In the vaguest possible terms, learning to love cooking again in spite of some prior bad experiences has been a struggle for me, too, and I truly think that without having written that fic, I wouldn't be succeeding.

On a related note, I'm about to spend my afternoon making a blueberry pie.

[jackalope-with-a-pen]

ok hi! pinned post time, since I'm finally using this blog a bit!

I'm Jack (or JT, or Jackalope) and I've been writing for most of my life but I really haven't shared much yet. hoping to change that soon, though! hence this blog. :]

I have WAY too many ideas and WIPs to list 'em all, but here are a few of the writing projects I am currently focusing on...

A Tale Of Two Spies (And Some Other People) (Many Of Whom Are Also Spies)

...or ATOTS(ASOP)(MOWAAS) for short, lmao. It's the first fanfic I ever started writing; I was lowkey too intimidated to try writing fanfic for a long time, but this idea sank its teeth into me and I had to give it a shot. It's an alternate version of the Tin Can Brothers' epic musical Spies Are Forever. I've been working on it for a good while now and it has ballooned into quite a massive undertaking because I am... deranged. <3

Part one, The World's Greatest Spies, is a prequel. It will cover the span of time & our favorite agents' changing relationship from their first meeting to the beginning of the musical. I have MOST of it outlined, and I'm really having a lot of fun with it!!!

111 Waylon

Another fanfic, but this one is for Starkid's Hatchetfield universe! It's heavily inspired by I The Mighty's song "111 Winchester."

111 Waylon is just about fully outlined with 12 chapters, and it will be much shorter and quicker to write than ATOTS, lol. I'm actually going to start writing the first draft very soon! (like... tomorrow. 👁)

This story is about the night some of the popular teens from Hatchetfield High decided to hang out at an old creepy house that definitely isn't haunted and definitely isn't dangerous. Everything is gonna be fine, no need to worry. <3

The Necromancer & The Musician

This is an original work! It also doesn't have a real title yet, even though I've been working on it for almost a year lmao. help. I've done SO MUCH worldbuilding, including designing an entire glyph alphabet for my sneaky secretive necromancers to write all their sneaky secrets in, and I've been having an absolute blast with it all.

The characters in this story mean the world to me, especially the two leads: Zadock Severine (the antisocial necromancer who is Perfectly Content with their life as it is, thankyouverymuch) and Everett Flair (the overly friendly musician who likes to wander and is always on the look for his next fun experience). The two are brought together through the meddling of the nosy god Death (who gave Zadock their magic and is a little too invested in their social life) and become unlikely traveling companions. Oh, and they're both trans and aromantic. 😎

If you'd like to know more about my stories, feel free to send me some asks about 'em!

No guarantees I'll answer every question (gotta keep some things to myself! 😘) but I'd love to share what I can.

[loveoaths]

writing log: 2021 + 2022

a recent conversation with a good friend made me realize: holy shit, i struggle to acknowledge my accomplishments, especially the creative ones. so i decided to start doing a yearly writing recap to log what work i've done, contextualize the environment i did that work in, and take a moment to just sit back and appreciate how i spent my year. this is the first time i'm doing this, so i'll be combining 2021 and 2022.

in 2021, i...

...got headfucked by illness, but kept writing.

this is not one of those "inspirational disability" things. long covid is the worst thing that's ever happened to me, physically and mentally, and that's saying something. i spent a solid two months not being able to walk, let alone think, and it took three more months for me to be able to read for longer than a few minutes at a time. at one point, my sixty-something year old mother had to hold me up so i could walk a lap around the block that i had been running months prior, and it was a super dark time. i am proud of myself for fighting for my health, advocating for humane treatment, and re-learning how to find solace and comfort and reprieve in reading and writing. i was recuperating in bed most of 2021 (when i wasn't struggling to keep my job lol) so i had a lot of time to come up with project ideas but zero stamina to finish them. i'm still not recovered, and have new chronic illnesses out the wazoo now, but i'm in a much better place these days.

...worked on 21 scripts.

includes new and old projects. my brain was scattered, but i tried.

...developed 12 new project premises.

some are good, others are dogshit. but who cares!

...finished 5 scripts.

three half-hour scripts, and two elevens. combined, that's almost two episodes of prestige television. i'm coming for your ass, tony gilroy!!!

...read 25 books.

comic books, ya novels, non-fiction, autobiographies, picture books; you name it, i read it. most of what i read went in one ear and out the other because of the covid brain damage, but i remember how soothing the act of reading a book while curled up with hot tea under a warm blanket was to my aching brain and body, and i'm glad i tried my best to read even if i knew i could barely understand. a third of this list is picture books and/or middle grade books and graphic novels because that's all i could handle at the beginning of the year. and you know what i found? a lot of those kids books are great, and heart-warming, and delightfully more nuanced than i had ever dreamed. the kids are gonna be alright.

...took 6 writing classes.

i'm glad i did this, but looking back on it this was kind of stupid. my brain was burdened by illness and my response was to... burden it more? for fun??? insane behavior. i highly recommend every course i took (chris amick's pilot development, multiple classes at writing pad, rad sechrist's project tv writing class, patricia villanuvella's 11-minute episode format class, and more) but i do not recommend taking them while your head is fucked. if anyone is interested in learning more about these courses, let me know!

...took on my first pitch project.

i was hired to help write and pitch a kids show, and learned a lot about the pitching process. mostly i learned that an upbeat attitude and a corny joke or two will go a long way. also, that the tv industry is an ouroboric cesspool constantly feeding on its own shit, but i digress.

...developed my first original show pitch.

it's uglier than sin but i love it. developing the pitch actually made me realize the concept is better as a novel series than a show, but i appreciate how much that process taught me about exploring format, structure, and the art of pitching.

...landed my first staff writing gig.

this was my proudest moment. in between numerous ER visits, doctor's appointments, health scares, housing issues, and more, i broke into the industry i love.

in 2022, i...

...was still pretty fucking sick, but doing better.

title says it all. despite losing my emotional support animal to leukemia, i hung in there. feels good.

...took on three writing mentees.

this is still the most shocking thing i did last year. i became a mentor to three fellow brown folks and i love them all dearly. i don't know if i'm a stellar mentor or anything, but i would do just about anything to help them reach their writing goals. i always thought i hated teaching, but it turns out i really enjoy working one-on-one with people as a guide rather than an instructor. my goal is to help all of my mentees break into their respective industries in the next two years.

...took three writing classes.

at this point i'm mostly taking these to meet people and learn new tips and tricks, but i still found them highly rewarding. plus, i realized i work best when i know someone expects to read what i've written the following week. nothing makes you keep a writing deadline like the pain of disappointing a peer! :D

...wrote 63,207 words for work.

i worked two staff writer gigs and seven freelance or contract gigs, and wrote more in a year than i ever have, ever. i know this number isn't high to prose writers, but a 25 page script is around 4,800 to 5,000 words. that's a lot of pages.

in total, i wrote around 22 scripts for work last year.

...wrote 50,018 words for original projects.

i only finished three scripts, and most definitely did not hit my goal of finishing my feature script, but i still finished. all three projects were complex, adult-oriented, and of personal significance to me, and it felt really good to finally finish them. i don't love all of them, honestly, but one of them got me my current manager and generated some buzz around my name that kept me employed, so i'm incredibly appreciative of the work i put into them, and the work they've given me in return.

...read 50 books.

this is my crowning achievement of 2022! i used to be an avid reader and then stopped out of nowhere for several years, but last year i fell back in love with reading, big time. i am proud to say that after a year of re-cultivating my reading comprehension and attention span, i can once again knock out a 300 page book in a day (with some assistance from my good ol' friend, hyperfixation). coaxing myself to just read five pages a day really helped me with some of the executive function issues of not wanting to pick up a book. if you're struggling with reading habits, i really recommend lowering your bar to entry. read for a minute, or read one page, or even just one paragraph. eventually the habit will reform and you'll be back to reading longer.

...wrote 51 loglines.

i struggled to come up with new, creative ideas in 2021, so this jump from 12 to 51 was startling, but highly satisfying. once i stopped worrying about whether the ideas were good, i was able to do more with the freeness that comes with happily being shit at something. and you know what? once i got the shit ideas out, i found a couple of really good ones at the bottom of the barrel.

...had a pretty alright year.

shit still went sideways, i was overworked and exhausted, and my personal life imploded, but looking back on it, i had a lot to be grateful for, and a lot of love and support in my corner, and i'm going to try to be mindful and thankful for the aforementioned as i push myself a teensy bit further in 2023.

...have a few goals for 2023.

they are:

work less, read more

write more indulgent stuff (gay porn, fic, all the nasty dark shit i like)

eat more veggies

do some fucking wrist exercises and get a desk pedaler because holy shit my joints are aging like MILK

thanks for reading.

[sweetswesf]

Hey hey, y’all.

I’m mad Tumblr STILL hasn’t responded to any of my support tickets to get my messaging back. As an engineer, I am criticizing the app in a different way than most lol. There’s a lot of cool things with the UI, but the way you can’t separate primary & secondary blogs, some of the playback, the slow or no responses on support tickets is kinda getting to me. I didn’t think it’d frustrate me this much, but it does…Maybe it was protection…

I made a lot of progress last week. I feel like I am making strides and getting stronger with concepts. I had 2 onsites and a practice technical and I felt I did pretty good in all of them. Rejected from one in less than 24 hours, but that 1 involved a lot of semi negative back & forth with the recruiters for over a month, so I felt the decision was made before I even did the interview.

I was exhausted, but felt like I was detaching from the pain of things and just telling myself get through it. Even in my workouts. My body was tired but it felt like it was moving without my mind. I know it’s only God…I spent less time on social media, I spent less time procrastinating, and I can get through most 12 hour days without needing a nap. I am completely wiped out on my break days (Sundays) and take 4 hour naps then lol but I remember a time during my early months of being laid off where I couldn’t get through the day without a 3 hour nap.

I am about done with the sections of the API YouTube course I want to go over. It is a really good course and it’s at a good level of detail I need. I was familiar with the material, but this was good to solidify understanding of certain concepts. I think I have like one more day left that I’d like to spend on it for prep for my interviews. A lot of things make a lot more sense. I wanted to get past it so that I can focus more on system design and algos, but it was necessary to go over. I’m trying to balance learning quite a bit of topics: system design, APIs, DS&A, OOP, behavioral questions.

For you that have been commenting on my posts encouraging me, especially @mythgrippa-blog & @tenaciousdeveloper, I want to send a particular word of appreciation. Whenever I get a bit discouraged, I remember your comments, so thank you so much.

I even caught a butterfly by its wings! I’ve always wanted to do that, but I don’t think I’ll ever do that again. I won’t forget how surprisingly strong it was wriggling to get free. I quickly released it when I realized I could be hurting it’s wings! I’m sure I did though and the thought makes me sick. I never meant to hurt it. These are sentient beings. There was no need for me to do that. I didn’t realize I would hurt it before I did it. I was on break from an on-site, feeling good, listening to this song, and intrusive thoughts took over.

It flew away fine, but still…I’m sure I damaged the wings just by touching it. I felt a similar guilt when I thought my car would clear and not hit this cat that was laying in the middle of the street. It didn’t and I killed a little collar-less white kitten 😔. This was almost a decade ago. I don’t even own a car anymore but I still think about it & feel guilty.

I took a Cruise autonomous car ride. That was my 3rd time in an autonomous car ride, but 1st one by Cruise. After it, I was inspired. This is the type of things that drew me to tech in the 1st place…

School loans start accruing interest again at the end of this month, and I would like to pay those off. I haven’t looked into deferring my payments because I’m hoping I can pay them off before needing that option. It is humbling to go from having a lot of autonomy with spending to relying on government assistance. Life comes at you fast…I can’t judge anyone. I do, but I shouldn’t and I try not to. I am reminded everyday, with every new experience or challenge, that you truly don’t know what people are facing or what the heck you would do if in a similar scenario. Ideas & history are different from reality.

Pastor at church today said, “You think you have strong faith until something happens that tests it,” and I related hard. I reflect on everything. Sometimes I just sit and stare like, “I’m tired and I’m ready for a different reality.”

My mom comes at the start of September too, and I would like to fully enjoy that with her with my dream job. I will enjoy it regardless though.

I order from DoorDash less, to save money, and also, because there’s not that many options that are healthy, and regardless if the meal is healthy or not, I’ve had it so many times that I’d rather just try to make a replica of my own if I have time. Some things I just can’t replicate, but I do like that I’m empowering myself to have some control over that. I’m often negotiating between saving money and saving time when it comes to this food stuff.

Also, food at this point is one of the only break aways from work that I’m allowing myself to enjoy right now. A LOT of my community has left the city or don’t reach out despite my efforts of trying to maintain the relationship. I don’t want to forge new ones right now, because the emotional and financial investment is… a lot right now. Anytime you want free time outside these days, you end up spending like $50 at minimum! I also feel like I need to find someone to help on Sundays. Sundays are for rest though, and so far, I’ve taken up the whole day washing my hair, going to church, grocery shopping, cooking, eating, napping for 3 or 4 hours, reflecting, and YouTube video watching. I don’t study, I don’t do any chores, and I don’t even like cooking those days. I appreciate my Sundays for what they are for: rest.

A few people close to me asked me again this week if I wanted to keep doing this and I was audibly annoyed. They don’t think I’ve made success in the way I should, but they don’t know much about the industry or how things typically go on this side. They also don’t know my plan. They don’t have to, but it does because it kind of feels they don’t believe in my abilities. I don’t want to be struggling forever, but I don’t think I should give up. I want to do this. I mean, I even get the question a lot in interviews. Like, I transitioned about 3 years ago. Why are you still asking me why I transitioned? You’re wasting time when you could be asking me about my qualifications for this role. I’m sure non-career-transitioners (people with traditional backgrounds) don’t get asked why they chose that field. Does it matter WHY I’ve chosen it if I’ve been gainfully employed in it for years and am applying to keep doing it? It shouldn’t. This question is totally valid outside of interviews. I appreciate answering it then. It just feels invasive when asked in interviews. I could see if I was fresh out of my old career, but I’ve been working as a full time software engineer for more than 3. It almost feels like, “well duh!” at this point when it comes to choosing tech. Look around you. Why not?! EVERY industry damn there has been elevated and can’t survive without tech. It’s really hard to cover your basic needs and a lot people on a 6-figure salary are living paycheck to paycheck given how outrageous rent is. At least tech gives you a fighting chance. Look at me! A tech worker still with debt who’s now had to rely on government assistance…It feels similar to interviewers asking why I majored in something. It doesn’t matter at all when you should be looking at the work I’ve done for money.

It was recommended, and I agreed, that I should stop interviewing with startups and start interviewing with companies I would like to work at, so I’m doing that soon. I feel a bit impatient and when I do, I try to refocus and remind myself that I shouldn’t give up and potentially blow the progress made thus far (another word of encouragement from y’all reading, so thank you!). I just need to keep going, stop feeling rushed, be fearless, be strategic, have confidence, and know that God will give me something great in due time that’s fit for me that exceeds my expectations.

I’m grateful for vision, dexterity, my mental health, my education, having hot water, still being able to afford a gym membership and to never go hungry. To spend on organic groceries. I also still have quite a bit of savings. I didn’t realize but my high yield savings account has been kicking me back about the amount of a week’s worth of meals & groceries every month. Praise God. I also am still able to tithe and be generous to people who need help during this time.

The things that I wanted months and even weeks ago, like purses, shoes, etc. all seem so frivolous now. Thousands on these things? I’ve never spent that much on purses & shoes. I’ve never been that girl, but I HAVE bought a lot of excess before, or bought things, albeit cheap, that I thought I would use one day. I even imagined that once I get a job, I would treat myself on one of those $1k+ purses, just because I’m a 30 and never have bought anything designer. Now, I don’t even care about taking a vacation. I just want to wake up employed. I WILL take a vacation, but I don’t mind just visiting something local. I miss NYC like crazy! I’ve always wanted to visit Atlanta (my 1st visit was at night and was too short, I had to drive back to Nashville in the morning). Those purses and shoes are still NICE but, I don’t HAVE to have them like I once felt…Imma still treat myself, but the treats won’t be as extravagant/often/out of my honest price range.

Fashion blogs seem so DUMB to me now. The THOUSANDS people will pay and still be in debt or not own any assets seems CRAZY now. But it took this to open my eyes. I’ve been unemployed before when I was fresh out of bootcamp, and I went into super frugal mode, and promised myself to maintain those habits. I did a lot, but still made dumb decisions after I got employed again. Freeing myself from want this time around, I hope it sticks.

There were days this week where I woke up wanting to contact a particular dude from my past. Just thirsty and lonely and craving a hug. I kept saying, “I just want a hug.” It’s really just me. Day in & day out. Friends & family only call. Everyone close to me I have to talk to virtually through a screen/over the phone. It gets to me…someone will love me hard and give me the affection I crave one day. I need to rely on God’s love though and remember not to put too much dependence on people, but it’s okay to want a partner. God honors marriage and says a spouse is to supply the other’s needs for affection. Not one way: this is for both partners.

I’m grateful for everything this time has taught me and I don’t know if I would have learned it without this. I shun fear of not getting what I want. I refuse to believe that my efforts will go unrewarded. I chase away the devil that made me believe I was less than. In the meeting with my mentor last week, he said, “I’m going to be candid: the team did NOT like that you were let go. We all felt that you had made so much progress and we actually had a rant session about it.” That almost made me cry, because I felt like the weakest link on the team at that time, but to know that people respected my work and felt like great things were coming for me, confirmed my suspicions too that I KNEW things were looking up. I had finally felt comfortable, and then it felt like my progress was stopped. But I know, and I knew even when I got laid off, even without my next position, it wasn’t a mistake. God tends to shift things when you’re feeling comfortable. He’s trying to elevate me. I will be in a higher position my next role, potentially making more than double what I was. More than what I could have gotten if I stayed. I don’t fear getting let go as much anymore because I know how to do these algos, or, I know where I can go to refresh my understandings of them. I lived in fear before this and couldn’t truly enjoy anything because I knew there was a huge hole in my understanding of things in the interview & my career that I felt I didn’t have the time to learn. Nothing is by mistake and I’m grateful to Him. Amen!

I hope y’all are well too. Be blessed <3

[parageist]

fuck it im gonna do all of these

1. elegyEstranger, which is also the username for my oc reverie willow, main character of my webcomic exspiravit :3

2. nope. just mixed two cool sounding words together lol

3. don’t have one! :’)

4. nope. maybe i’ll try getting them into it though lmao

5. not in any serious way but i do like to act like dave, nepeta, june, aradia, and a bunch of other characters a lot and i relate to them a bunch x3

6. oh boy i’ve changed it so much i think i’ve identified as almost every aspect and class at least once before lmao. i think im either a rogue of life or a rogue of time but idk, they’re all so cool lol. and im a prospit dreamer

7. yes! i made a bunch of dave stickers last year

8. yeah, i’ve made fan comics on mspfa, which is what got me into making webcomics lmao

9. nope

10. yup, i was vriska as halloween for 2018 (which may or may not have been a heavy sign that i was trans), dave as halloween for 2019, and aradia for 2020. im going to comic-con this saturday and might go as dave, i still have all the stuff lmao

11. nope

12. nope

13. dave 😎

14. hmmm. it really depends on what value you measure how “favorite” they are… but probably one of the alpha trolls like damara, horrus, or porrim, which i am 100% guilty of neglecting them due to their tiny screen time. they’re just so forgettable, but that’s likely hussies fault.

15. uhhhhh… davekat? junedave? davejade?? (not beating the “crush on the cool guy fictional character which i first thought was just me idolizing him but then as i got older i realized it was just my closeted bisexuality and liked to imagine myself with him” allegations 😔)

16. huh?

17. you’re just making up acronyms at this point smh

18. no, but i would like the fandoms awful reputation to go away.

19. ive played hiveswap act 2, but not friendsim or pesterquest or the epilogues/homestuck^2

20. literally the greatest inspiration to me, everything down to my artstyle. i’ve been a fan since i was like 10/11 lmao (my parents did NOT like me reading that at a young age) and so it pretty much defined all of my middle school years

21. yes! i saw someone at my old school with a homestuck shirt and we became friends. we still talk sometimes but they moved far away :(

22. yeah

23. i never really fully read all of it, i stopped being able to understand after act 4 lmao. but i eventually “read” and by read i mean skimmed through the rest of it a few times, along with reading the wiki, watching videos about it, and watching other people read it, so i would say that culminative experience counts

24. i skipped most of the dialogue after act 4 lmao. too many words formatted in an inaccessible way for my adhd and dyslexia xD the animations and art was the one thing that kept me through it though

25.🙂

26. very very very cool i love the way it’s presented and the interactability and the art style and animations and music and characters and writing (besides some very questionable things) and lore and concepts and GOD ITS SO COOL RARRRRGH I LOVE SBURB AND GOD TIERS AND STUFF ASHDHHDHJJG

27. humans, for relatability. sometimes i think trolls are overrated but they’re also cool. and carapacians are underrated little guys but besides being silly little guys there’s nothing much more to them. besides badass ring power shit and the midnight crew and royalty

28. descend, cascade and collide were all so fucking awesome

29. hmm. the trolls all killing each other? vriskas return? but i guess at the same time they create really cool narrative stuff, they’re just unpleasant from a watching-your-blorbos-kill-each-other standpoint lmao

30. im tired, no

31. im into it, im inspired by it, i may post stuff about it from time to time, but that’s it lmao

“Homestuck Isn’t Dead” Tag

I wanted to make one, so send a number or reblog to get one!

1. Do you have a chum handle? What does it mean?

2. Is your username homestuck related/have you had one hs related?

3. Do you call your s/o a matesprit?

4. Do you call your best friend your moirail?

5. Are you “kin” with any characters or commonly called a character?

6. God Tier?

7. Do you make HS fanart?

8. Do you make hs fanfiction?

9. Do you roleplay homestuck? where and how often?

10. Do you cosplay homestuck characters? Who and where?

11. Are you apart of ask blogs?

12. Are you in any homestuck groups?

13. Favorite character?

14. Least favorite character?

15. OTP?

16. NOTP?

17. BROTP?

18. Do you want homestuck to just die already?

19. Are you following up with hiveswap? Do you play? Watch YT videos?

20. Tell us how homestuck has effected you in real life?

21. Have you met anyone through homestuck?

22. Have you left the fandom before?

23. How many times have you read through it?

24. Did you ever skip intermissions/dialog/animations?

25. Opinions on the fandom?

26. Opinions on the comic?

27. Do you favor the trolls, humans, or carapaces?

28. Favorite moment of all of homestuck?

29. Least favorite moment of all of homestuck?

30. Tell us a homestuck based story.

31. How homestuck related is your blog?

[str4yp1xel]

WHO I AM.

12/09/2024

I am this guy :3

And also this guy

Uhhh this guy too…

Actually, I am many people.

I go by Perry but call me whatever, Stray, Pixel, Peregrine, whatever feels most formal to whichever is casual and informal, I don’t care.

I use He/Him, Ve/Ver, and Rot/Rots pronouns. Take your pick.

I’m a trans masc, genderfluid, trans and technically gnc man. And I enjoy making complicated characters :3.

Half Samoan, fluent English speaker—American dialect, and learning German (surface level understanding)

Master of many, Jack of all trades, maybe.

Psychology, paleontology, archeology, anthropology, history, philosophy, art, sociology, cultural, paranormal, literature, medical (in general), and zoology enjoyer.

Multifandom + Multishipper (prosh!ppers STAY AWAY. YOU AREN’T WELCOME.)

I am a self-taught artist and I make shitty doodle art to express storytelling because big rendered projects take longer and by the time I’m done I’m already over it or I’ve forgotten.

I am also a MINOR!!!! 13+!

WHAT I AM DOING.

Your mom

I am making a shittily drawn comic about some Minecraft OCs I’ve had baking for a while now.

I’ve always wanted to put my thoughts on…Paper? A digital canvas? Whatever.

Don’t expect high quality comic pages lol. They will never happen. (Or, if you’re expecting anything at all for that matter…)

I have almost no executive function! Which means, art can come late. I might be in a large hiatus for an unnecessary amount of days, and I’ll most likely forget about this account after a certain amount of time, but hey. What’s an artist without life constantly hitting at them? It’s alright, things happen.

WHY?

Simple. Entertainment!

Okay, maybe that’s not the full synopsis.

I’m a creative mind, and for a while I’ve wanted something to show for that. But, I had nothing.

I’m a self-taught character design artist who designs beyond the way the character looks.

I enjoy making characters with purpose, and I like making them according to personal experiences, most of them being metaphors.

I also rewatched some pretty awesome cartoons *COUGH COUGH* Gravity Falls, Steven Universe, and The Owl House *COUGH COUGH*, and needless to say, I got inspired…

INSPIRATIONS

(credits/recommendations)

🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷

Gravity Falls!

Character Development + more

🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷

Steven Universe

Character Development

🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷

I know I mentioned The Owl House, but it was indeed, not The Owl House.

🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷

Minecraft!…Duh!

World building…Obviously.

🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷

Call Of Duty (Cold War’s AND BO6’s campaigns)

Character Behavior + World Building

🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷

Death Note

Character Development + Character

🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷

One Punch Man

World Mechanics

🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷🫁🦷

More will be added soon…And yes, I’ll add actually people and not just franchises. Just give me a minute…

I WILL DO A FAQ IF AND WHEN PEOPLE HAVE QUESTIONS!!! ITS TIME TO PUT YOUR CRITICAL THINKING AND OVER-ANALYSIS SKILLS TO THE TEST!!! :D

DISCLAIMERS!!!

I am not an expert

I suck at anatomy (go-figure) and also landscaping (no shit)

I’m not an accurate source for things like war, cultures, ethnicities, politics, or anything of that sort. This includes communes and non-western militant groups/movements. I know nothing about most of the histories I source, and I do quick units on each culture I base my characters + The End’s, The Nether’s, and The Overworld’s biomes on.

I’m not a professional, I don’t have PhDs, nor do I major or specialize in these kinds of topics, so I could be on about nothing.

Don’t underestimate me, but don’t EVER take anyone’s word on the internet. PLEASE find sources and sites off of a reliable place, and come back to me when things make sense.

FEEL FREE TO CORRECT ME OR SHARE IF YOU SEE AN INACCURACY IN YOUR FEATURED CULTURE!!! YOU WOULD KNOW BETTER ABOUT YOUR OWN CULTURE THAN I DO.

I would love to learn more!!!

I also feature some disabilities + heavy topics on trauma, and psychosis, so if you have personal experience or if you know more about psychology and physiology, BY ALL MEANS, LET ME KNOW!!!

This comic is still a rough draft, meaning the majority is based off of viewer’s engagement! So if you see a flaw, or if there’s something neat or a headcanon you’d like to add, yes even grammar corrections, my asks and replies will always be open— BUT! I will never open DMs, unless I make an exception.

No, I don’t add people or offer for others to work with me. I’m a minor and even if I’m above 13, I do not feel comfortable talking to people online casually. Conversations will stay formal, and if I do let anyone work with me on this (I highly doubt anyone would want to), I’d keep the relationship purely professional. No, this isn’t a paid job, and no, this isn’t a big time company project, but it’s what I’m comfortable with, unless I’ve seen you IRL.

I’ve also seen people reblogging with image ids, listen, I’m all for making things more accessible, but my brain is fried by the time I post my art. Feel free to add those too :D!! You can also correct words from different languages, or translate my work! Do whatever you need to, you will not be judged.

I do not want to make profit off of Minecraft’s or anyone else’s hard work (even though Mojang is already pretty rich— I MEAN WHO SAID THAT—) so in my defense of copy right, I’m just a game loving nerd who likes the characters more than the actual plot.

MY ART IS “WOKE”!!! I WILL REFERENCE POLITICAL ISSUES AND EVEN MAKE BIOMES AND VILLAGES/COUNTRIES BASED OFF IT!!! ONE OF MY CHARACTERS RUN A REBELLION, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!

I make pretty controversial characters with controversial labels/character traits, so if you see a trait you don’t like— GOOD! If it’s an actual offensive problem, please let me know. I will also do polls to see if it’s just a personal bias or an actual general sentiment- upon request or personal judgement of course.

I make inaccurate fake gore, if you see something I right or if it’s not correct, let me know! And I’ll try to ‘redraw’, so to speak, the panel.

YOU MADE IT

Yay! The end! That’s all I have. For now…

Until then, stick around for the journey. Maybe this account will actually grow and maybe even go places. I’m excited to see where this takes me, and I’m glad I found a way to finally make this work.

Here, a picture of one of my main characters. On the house, for your troubles.

[shawnjacksonsbs]

"Far be it from me, and forgive me for asking, and I don't mean to pry, but would you consider yourself a happy person?" 4-13-24

"How many of us, I wonder, can recall a childhood moment when we experienced happiness as a state of being? That single moment of untarnished joy. That moment when everything in our world, inside and out, was all right. Everything was all right. But, now, we've become a colony of adults and everything is all wrong, all the time. It's as if we're on a quest to get it back and yet the more we focus on our own personal happiness, the more it eludes us. In fact, it's only when we are otherwise engaged, you know, focused, absorbed, inspired, communicating, discovering, learning, dancing, for heaven's sake, that we experience happiness as a by-product, a side-effect. Oh no. We should concern ourselves not so much with the pursuit of happiness, but, with the happiness of pursuit." - Professor Coreman from Hector and the Search for Happiness

I watched.

I watched Hector expecting, eh. . .

but he ended up finding his silver (-ish).

I learned, what most probably already know, most of us don't have the money or the means to go all- eat, pray, love in the search for happiness.

We have to try and find it here, in our . . .stuckness, which is inherently part of the problem in itself.

A little traveling and moving can work wonders on those of us who needed a journey of discovery to find our truth.

I am one of the fortunate ones in that respect. I think I'm somewhere between the poor inner urban kid/poor white trash kid from the country - and that eat, pray, love shit. Lol no lol

~some notes, not edited:

Writing all the time letting you all know how I found it.

May not even work for some of you.

Do you even know what makes you happy?

And are you a happy person?

~more, unedited:

Happiness, just like the rest of my emotional states are . . .varying and in bouts, with peace and joy at the pulpit.

~even more:

Happiness as a state of being probably hasn't existed inside of me since before the fear of knowing "life's not forever" really took hold of me.

Early childhood, probably. It's been bouts ever since.

What is happiness?

Are you happy?

Ask me as a question looking back on a limited amount of my time, and my answer will be yes . . .now.

That wasn't always so.

In the now, it may or may not be, but inevitably, it's always on a rising curve, for grading purposes. At least it has been for about the last 10 years or so. Lol no lol

Ever changing, ever learning, ever growing, and of course, ever grateful.

Almost, always, like as almost to always as you can get without being actual always, I am at peace.

It feels so . . .always most of the time.

Its close enough to constant for me to say, always.

~end of notes.

Hector and the Search for Happiness did play me. I shouldn't have prejudged. I hoped it would be good and it surpassed that. I really liked it.

Instead of one final quote at the end, I'm going to share Hector's list from his journey. If you get a chance go watch the movie. Let me know whatcha think.

Remember to share your love and your laughter with all the rest of us.

And please be kind as always as possible. Civility is only the back up plan. Lol

Until next time;

"1. Making comparisons can spoil your happiness.

2. A lot of people think happiness means being richer or more important.

3. Many people only see happiness in their future.

4. Happiness could be the freedom to love more than one woman at the same time.

5. Sometimes happiness is not knowing the whole story.

6. Avoiding unhappiness is not the road to happiness.

7. Does this person bring you predominantly a. up b. down?

8. Happiness is answering your calling.

9. Happiness is being loved for who you are.

10. Sweet Potato Stew!

11. Fear is an impediment to happiness.

12. Happiness is feeling completely alive.

13. Happiness is knowing how to celebrate.

14. Listening is loving.

15. Nostalgia is not what it used to be." - Hector