#its all fun and games until I have to actually write the chapter

[flower-blossoms654]

Me, trying to write after studying ochem and physics: tanjiro did cool flip stuff and something something about dead family

[flightyalrighty]

FIRST | PREVIOUS | NEXT CH 1 PG 36

Infested will return on June 27th. --- Thank you to the following Ascended supporters: @chaogongoozles, @fiiresiidefrfr, @elizard4227, @grogar, Ezzoh, @susivoi, @calculuscacophony, Eros, @ivycorp, @summersdale @borrelia, @mizukiz, @sanicdetails, @combinegrunt-echo-1, Pica, @veeceear, @quackenburt, ItsmeMonarch, @memendoemori, @trans-girl-sonic, & savarsenic

Content Warnings | Store | Ko-Fi (Discord!) | Read On Comic Fury! DISCLAIMER: "Infested" is a horror comic ft. content not suitable for those under the age of 17.

A long-winded looking back on things below the cut:

The first few pages of Infested were uploaded to this blog on March 2nd, 2023 -- Over a whole year ago! I was so busy, too, that I completely missed its birthday (Sorry Infested). Looking even further back than that, the original story was was something I began writing on December 25th, 2022 (Merry Christmas).

It took two years to get to this point.

And hey, not to toot my own horn about it, but completing even one chapter of a webcomic is a big deal. Especially for me. My first webcomic, Fight/Flight, didn't get very far. I completed the prologue, started Chapter 1, and then had to drop it for a number of reasons (I didn't really agree with what baby-me had to say, politically, anymore).

This comic was born from a lot of intense feelings. The story, itself, too. Some good. Some bad.

I had been forced to move away from my hometown, and with that move, I lost the physical connection that I had to all of my friends. I lost the familiarity of a place I'd known for most of my life. I'm now stuck somewhere... Worse. It felt like a cage. Still does. Disconnected from the life I thought I would be living after college. I didn't have health insurance, either -- Got kicked off of it because of the move -- And as a result, I was off my antidepressants.

So there I was, at a pretty low point in my life. I miserable and lonely and every single day dragged on. And on. And on. And I felt so disappointed in myself. That disappointment became self-loathing, and it all kinda spiraled.

Have I mentioned that I'm a huge Sonic fan? I don't think I need to. I'd say it's pretty obvious. But for the sake of this story, I'll say it again: I'm a HUGE Sonic fan. I've been that way since 2003 with Sonic Heroes. The franchise has been in my life for over two decades. I had a monthly mail subscription to Archie's Sonic the Hedgehog. Sonic the Hedgehog was something that I truly loved more than any other piece of media. It brought me endless joy. Until I didn't.

I had dropped Sonic after Lost World was... Itself. I had already felt pretty irritated with the Meta Era, and Lost World was the final straw. The last bit of hope that the series could recover was snuffed out when Forces was released. It was over. I was done. If Sonic was truly that embarrassed by itself, if they had truly lost touch with what made the series so great, then I wouldn't waste my time any longer. I was so sure that I had to just... Grieve and move on. My beloved childhood game series was dead. Long live the king or whatever. I'd just bitterly read IDW Sonic and think about what could've been. I was lucky to have that comic, at least. Archie had been canceled, too, after all. I was lucky to have my scraps.

Then Sonic Frontiers came out. And it changed everything.

And my god, it was everything. It was everything to me. Flaws be damned, it was everything. To. Me. The spectacle. The serious tone. The vastly improved writing. Kellin Fucking Quinn. It was FUN! It was actually FUN to PLAY. He was back. I was back. Sonic pulled me by my hand out of the ocean of misery I'd fallen into, and he looked me in my eye and he said;

"Hey. You're gonna be alright."

Metaphorically speaking. Sonic The Hedgehog didn't actually literally speak to me -- And sure, okay, maybe it's a little dramatic to describe a game as this great Depression Annihilator but I'm dead serious when I say that, for that time, before I was able to get back on my meds, I was self-medicating with Sonic.

Sonic was all I was thinking about. I reread the Unleashed arc in Archie Sonic, which got me sorta realizing something, and which led to my post where I said something along the lines of "Sonic would hide a zombie bite."

Archie Sonic would, at least. Because he basically did do that in the Unleashed arc of that comic. He let that problem fester until it became an even bigger problem because, ironically, he didn't want to be a problem.

So one thing led to another. I thought more about Sonic becoming a zombie. Bada-bing, bada-boom, Infested was born.

I didn't expect it to get the attention that it did. I felt lucky when the first page I drew Rouge on (Page 6 I think?) blew up. The right people saw it at the right time. I'm extremely grateful for that.

I'm extremely grateful for all of you.

So yeah, one chapter. Woo! Here's to many more.

[limes-sagau]

Mondstadt Sagau Shimegi AU Drabbles

I'm Alive! 

Sorry this took a hot minute to put out, but here's the Mondstadt edition of the Shimeji AU. I did every playable character from Mondstadt, some of them have shorter sections *cough* Mika *cough* simply because they haven't had much screen time in the game or I don't know them well enough. In the future I might do an update post for some of them. Also this should be treated like crack. Now that this is out I can move on to actually writing the First chapter of To Build A Haven which should be up soon. 

ALBEDO:

Curious but not a menace 

He looks at everything your doing with absolute interest 

He wanders around looking at what you're doing and writing what he observes down on a notepad. 

If He’s really interested in something on the page you're on like a photo or text he will snag it to get a closer look (for those who don't know there is a function that allows shimeji to grab items and take them off screen, this can be reversed by simply refreshing). 

He gets a little miffed when you refresh to get the item back in its correct place but he's not upset for long. 

If you leave your computer he will end up messing around and looking up articles on chemistry and physics, he tried searching up alchemy and he just got led down a rabbit hole that he later found out was all fake.

So there's no alchemy in your world, interesting! 

Uhh Oh! He accidentally duplicated! 

He’s immediately on guard once he sees the duplicate

Is that his twin! No wait, the mark on the twins neck is there!

He realizes it is just a full carbon copy of him that just wanders around mindlessly.

He will get a little antsy if you let the duplicates get out of hand in their numbers so make sure to dismiss the duplicates 

He just wants to study this strange world in peace. 

AMBER:

She confused as hell. 

She waves to you whenever you return from getting up from your computer 

She is the opposite of a menace. 

She almost is too helpful 

She sees her knightly duty in this weird in between world to be of help to you. 

If you're easily distracted while working on something like a document she will wave her hands around and try to get your attention so you get back to work. 

And while she is not an expert in grammar she’ll try her best to point out errors in your sentencing. 

When you're not working on something important she has a lot of fun climbing the walls of your screen and jumping off to glide across your screen. 

If you pick her up with your  cursor and toss her she’ll laugh and glide down

Don't shake her though! She’ll get dizzy!

BARBARA: 

Shy babbie!

At first she's kinda cowering in the corner so confused as to what's happening and in awe of your presence. 

Eventually she chills out a bit but she never fully relaxes.

You got spotify going in the background?

Great! This is how Barbara got introduced to (insert music genre here) or (insert artist here) 

She will be scandalized if you play something with profanity, innuendos, or sexual references.

Like full clutching of pearls

Do not play Squidwards Nose for her. She is sweet baby, she doesn't deserve that. 

I'm sorry if some of yall dont like what I'm about to say… but the moment you play one of Taylor Swift's songs she's hooked.

I'm talking like something from Folklore, Evermore, or Midnights.

Her favorites are Clean, Willow, and Snow on the Beach (she does not like the F bomb in that one though)

She does try to give everything you listen to a fair shot even if it might not be her style.

If she likes the song she will sing and dance along to it.

BENNETT: 

He fall over all the time 

So Bennett will be like climbing the side of your screen and will lose his grip and fall. 

If you catch him he'll be so happy.

Hes kinda wandering around your page

He do be trippin (and not in the fun way) 

There was this time where he picked up one of the items on your screen and didn't know how to set it down.

He ran around scared and confused until you refreshed the page. 

If you pick him up and shake him, he will get dizzy. 

DILUC: 

He’s pretty chill 

He will start wandering the internet if you leave him alone with your computer open

Hopefully he doesn't find your fanfics

Who introduced him to Batman?!?!

JUSTICE FOR MONDSTADT!!!

Not that big into the superhero movies but he does really connect with Batman, who would have guessed. 

Show him the Mt. Dew wine or the Peeps Wine from TikTok and the disappointment will be so evident on his face. 

That's not even wine 

If you do bring up some articles on wine brewing and aging techniques he will read them and take some of the methods to possibly use at Dawn Winery. 

DIONA: 

She small she baby 

Normally she’s chill

But If you drink in her presence be prepared to experience the menace of menaces

Every time you leave your computer unattended expect to come back to either your browser being on a local AA group website or on a study showing the impacts of alcohol on the body. 

She aggressively points at what's on screen whenever you come back

She can be reasoned with if you give her a pat.

She can also be pacified by one of those videos of birds meant for cats

She also likes those games made for cats where it's like a bug or ants crawling across the screen and you gotta crush them. 

She tries to jump around the screen but she short, holding her up to catch all the crawlies. 

EULA:

Eula is confused by modern internet slang 

She mainly stands guard in the corner not wanting to get in your way 

She's in the overly respectful gang 

Don't pick her up and shake her she will seek revenge

Likes the cat videos on facebook though

She like the “going no contact with toxic family” type videos on TikTok since she can relate. 

Boomer but she working on it 

FISCHL:

Who let this theater major in the building?

She is by far the most distracting shimeji you can have on your browser 

“The Prinzessin der Verurteilung desires your attention at all hours” 

When your working you literally have to dismiss her if you want to get work done

If you leave her on screen when you leave your computer you will come back to her somehow reading Twilight.

The can of worms has been opened and Fischl's Twilight phase has been unleashed.

She also grows to love shakespeare if you ever have to read one of his works for a class

Holds up skull “Alas poor Yorick”

She does hate The Taming of the Shrew (if you know you know)   

JEAN: 

Like her sister she is also a bit confused 

This internet lingo is so confusing 

This is a facebook mom 

How did she get an account? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

The funny thing is is that she successfully and pretty accurately shuts down alot of bigoted people 

She gain like a cult following of converted beige housewives 

KAEYA:

He isnt distracting like Fischl is but he’s like a cat who wants attention so they climb over your keyboard until you gotta move them and give them pets. 

Menace 

He’s the worst when it comes to fishing your fics out of your files when your away 

You gotta lock them up, time to move everything to your phone… rip storage space. 

You accidentally introduce Kaeya to his new guilty pleasure besides Wine… Horse Girl Movies!!!!

It's bad… It's really bad, his favorites are the movies Spirit and Felicity (yes the American girl movie).

The man misses his horse, why do the favonius cavalry have no horses? the captain of the calvary should have a horse!

He also is somewhat interested in the wine industry from around your world. 

He might give you a list of types he would like you to bring if you ever visit their world. 

KLEE:

Protect this one because she's so smol.

But also keep her from blowing up your documents-

She picks up whatever she wants and will set it down in the wrONg place but if you scold her about it she’ll give you puppy eyes and apologize.

And then do the exact same thing not ten minutes later.

She will wander around wherever she can so do not let her out of your sight. Open tabs, downloads, files, browser history, nothing is safe.

LISA:

similar to albedo in that she is curious about everything.

She likes that she can chill out and read whatever comes on screen

One of the worst if she finds your writing

She will correct your grammar and give suggestions while actively flirtily mocking your work. 

Likes making you flustered in the middle of work 

She requested you make her a playlist on spotify so you sit down and show her a few artists you think she would like 

She adds a bunch of music from (Hayley Kyoko, Muna, Clario, Mxmtoon, and Janelle Monae) 

She listens to it when she's on your computer and you aren't around while she looks through the internet.

MIKA:

I don't know this child!!! 

Literally I know nothing, hopefully he gets more character time in future quests

I'll come add more latter if we are given more 

Spawn in a Len(vocaloid) Shimeji and he’ll be so confused 

Who is this doppelganger! 

MONA:

Girl is going insane learning our world's zodiac system!

You have to dismiss her sometimes because she asks so many questions, some of which you don't know the answer to. 

“What Do You Mean? It's Considered A Pseudoscience!!!” 

She is beyond insulted if you don't believe in astrology.  

If you do believe in astrology she's so excited 

Give her your Natal chart and she’ll be ecstatic

After she learns everything she can about your world's astrology, whenever you boot up your computer she’ll give you your horoscope for the day.   

NOELLE:

She’s so polite! :D

Doesn’t do much climbing, but when she does it’s to clean the cobwebs in the corners of your tabs.

Will remind you to drink water and have stretch breaks every so often and will be very sad if you don't.

You better clear your browser history before she tries to take a broom to it. she doesn’t deserve to see what you look at, you degenerate fifth.

She either likes ICP or studio ghibli soundtracks; there is no inbetween.

RAZOR:

Precious Puppy™

He is very confused by the internet but he’s still very curious . 

Will patiently watch you work and will bite pop-up ads

Starts looking up pictures of wolves cause he's a precious baby and ends up in the furry community. He is very confused. He is very scared. Save him before he learns what an omega is.

ROSARIA: 

She's chill 

She's easily bored so she will on occasion if you are doing work just dip out 

How did she figure out how to dismiss herself?

Most of the time she leaves when your working 

She will stay if there is a church event back on Teyvat that she wants to get out of. 

If you summon Fischl they will both watch Twilight together 

Though Rosaria will leave after the first movie, she doesn’t like any of the other movies. 

She also has a few strong opinions on the way that Stephanie Meyer handled Native Americans in the book. 

SUCROSE: 

very curious and intrigued by the internet and will watch you work from the top of your tab and take notes.

will ask a bunch of questions about and google the answers when you leave.

got into a fight with a redditor about something sciencey you didn’t understand and battled that man for hours.

She won.

She likes watching ted talks and documentaries when you’re on break and wiLL get lost in wikipedia if you let her. Please don’t let her because she is very small and that website is very big. 

VENTI: 

#1 MENACE!!!

He's up about climbing the walls and flying all about the screen. 

If you are trying to get work done good luck 

If you ask he will sit down and be somewhat quiet 

If you listen to music while you work he will either be singing along to it or if the BPM is fast enough singing and dancing along with the music. 

He likes listening to the music you listen to because he can learn what to perform if you ever come to Teyvat.

He at first will be thrown off if you listen to something that's more on the sexual side ( im talking something like Ayesha Erotica, or cupcakKe) but eventually he gets used to it and has a lot of fun distracting you when those types of songs come on. 

Like Kaeya, he is also interested in the wine from your world. 

You have to tell him to narrow down the list he gives you of wines to bring to Teyvat… it was 2 pages long.

[choccy-milky]

A few months back, I asked if it was okay to write using Clora and Seb. Finished the work - thought I'd lost it on my hard drive and a virus scan located it.

Not sure if it's sad or happy, but the basic premise of it is Clora getting frustrated/upset at Sebastian and Sebastian comforting her, Sebastian getting upset at a predicament Clora's in and Clora comforting him, and them both getting frustrated/upset and having to comfort each other.

If you'd rather I didn't post it, that's fine too, but just wanted to test the waters and double check that you'd be okay with it if I gifted it to you via AO3, or see if you wanted a sneak peak of it before posting it.

OMG im so happy you were able to find it and recover the work you did!!😭🙏 AND YES OF COURSE YOU CAN POST IT AAA I CANT WAIT TO READ IT!! you can DM it to me first if you want, but i also dont mind if you post it straight away on ao3!! IM LOOKING FORWARD TO IT SM AAARGHHHA💖💖💖IT SOUNDS ANGSTY WE LOVE THE HURT/COMFORT I HOPE MY HEART CAN HANDLE IT🥺💖💖TY AGAIN FOR USING CLORA AND SEB AND TAKING THE TIME TO WRITE SOMETHING ABOUT THEM😭

@sunshine-goblin AAA THANK YOU!!! im honoured its your fav fanfic AND ALSO THE LONGEST YOUVE READ BAHAHAA fr, when you say its as long as four books in lotr it rly makes me realize how insane i am😃👍 aw IM GLAD I COULD INSPIRE YOU TO DRAW MORE AND WRITE AS WELL😭 I was curious so i creeped you and everyone go look at their HL blog @sunshines-legacy your MC is so cute and so is your art🥹💖 as for tips on writing a longfic and brainstorming and motivation and stuff, my motivation was my brainrot and unhappiness with the canon story/ending LMAOO, and looking at the story of the game and playing around with what i was unhappy with/what i WISHED could have happened instead, was a lot easier than just coming up with plotlines from scratch. but something i highly recommend is just OUTLINING and making a timeline, one of my fav parts of writing was just putting on some cafe ambience in the background and doing stream of conscious type word documents where id just barf ideas and then worry about making it pretty later....like look at how many versions of the same chapter i have BAHAHA or like different renditions bc i couldnt decide if id wanna keep a scene/what order, so id make a timeline and keep smoothing things out until i was happy with it and whatnot

brainstorming is defs my fav part of the process and the most helpful part to me. just getting a blank document and writing stuff you want to happen without worrying about how it connects to the story, and then a lot of the times as i was doing that id just keep going and it would kinda tie itself together/id come up with a solution as i was writing / once the ideas kept flowing. so basically : TIMELINES AND OUTLINES I VERY MUCH RECOMMEND, but very low pressure and barebones ones. for example, this is what my outlines/brainstorming look like

its honestly just me talking to myself LMAO, and a lot of the time ill interject and be like "OH YEAH AND THEN THIS CAN HAPPEN" as the ideas come while im writing BAHAHA. its a super fun process and honestly nothing feels better than just getting hit with that flash of inspo, and since its all very low effort theres no pressure to actually write well and its just a chill fun time AND GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR OWN PROCESS / WRITING💖💖💖it can be difficult but HOPE U HAVE FUN TOO💖💖

@a-little-lysdexic WAIT REALLY?? LMFAOO OMG THATS CRAZY....SAME BRAIN...🤝🤝...that would trip me up so much if i were you omg BAHHAHA but aside from having similar tastes in names, IM GLAD YOU LIKE MY ART AS WELL, TYY💖💖💖

THANK YOUUU im glad you're liking it!!! and that its taking over your life BAHAHA💖💖 the video you're thinking of was by @silverxstardust for chapter 13 of my fic, and you can watch the video here! (AND TY AGAIN TO SILVERXSTARDUST FOR DOING THIS!)

[happyhauntt]

famous last words — james potter

writing masterlist | askbox

���── summary: you and james are sworn enemies. you quite like it that way.

─── pairing: james potter x quidditch player!reader.

─── warnings: fluff, banter, swearing. if you're a reader of my cedric series oh, captain! then you might find this familiar, it's a reworked version of chapter three. this was so much fun honestly i love sassy stuff like this.

─── word count: 2.1k.

     BY THE TIME THE TRAIN WHISTLES ITS ARRIVAL AT HOGSMEADE STATION, all you really want to do is go to bed. The golden glow of warmth has suffused your bones completely, lulling you into a delightfully sleepy state. You're curled up against the window when your friend Beth jostles you awake and practically carries you off the train, where you are utterly unsurprised to learn that the weather is terrible.

     The downpour does a spectacular job at waking you up. Droplets of freezing rain slip past the collar of your shirt and down your spine before you manage to pull your cardigan up over your head. A disgruntled scowl tugs at your lips as you race ahead of Beth to get a space on one of the carriages. Once you are safely situated in the dry, you look out into the rain, expecting to see Beth scarpering up the platform right behind you. Instead, she's sauntering towards the carriage, a wide smirk on her face, happy and dry beneath one of the big black umbrellas Hagrid is handing out on the platform.

     You frown, folding your arms over your chest, feeling distinctly soggy. Beth climbs into the carriage, giggling as she sits down beside you. You merely stick your tongue out at her.

     "Hey," Beth says, folding the umbrella back up before raising her hands in defence, accidentally splashing you both with rainwater, "you're the one who ran away. Don't blame me for being more observant."

     "I reject that," you reply indignantly. Beth offers up a hair tie from her wrist and you take it, still scowling, to tie your damp hair into a messy ponytail. "I am absolutely observant. Just not... all the time." Which basically means where sports isn't involved. Teachers have noted in their reports that you're easily distracted in class, with a mind that tends to wander rather than focus on the task at hand. Your mother used to call it butterfly brain. Thoughts light as air, settling down on one flower for a few moments until a prettier, more interesting flower comes into view. She didn't mean to make you feel bad about that, but it doesn't help when all your teachers are saying the same thing.

     The prettier flower is usually Quidditch. With a muggle upbringing, you hadn't been exposed to the brilliance of magic until a mysterious letter appeared on your eleventh birthday (delivered, you recall, stern-faced woman in peculiar emerald robes. If you'd known then that Professor McGonagall's first impression of you would be a wide-eyed child whose front tooth had just been knocked loose by a rogue cricket bat, well, you probably would've died of embarrassment. Now she's your Head of House. And most unfortunately, that's not the only time she's seen you missing a few teeth.) When you got to Hogwarts and saw students playing Quidditch for the first time, whizzing like arrows through the air on actual broomsticks— You'd been in love with the sport ever since.

     Almost every corner of your brain is taken up by Quidditch. A hundred different game plans and plays running on repeat. So Beth is totally wrong; you are very observant., and you are never more observant than when your eye is on the prize.

     This time, though, the prize was shelter. Skittering off through the downpour to get to the carriage without properly checking your surroundings wasn't the smartest route, but it worked. Sort of.

     Your pride hurts a little bit.

     Beth's just about done laughing at you when a knock on the carriage exterior catches your attention. A familiar face appears at the door. "Is there any room in here?" James Potter's smile is crooked, and his dark hair is damp and floppy from the rain, water dripping from the strands into his face. Bright eyes dart back forth between you and Beth, and suddenly you remember that only almost every corner of your brain is occupied by Quidditch.

     There's a stubborn little spot right in the middle, little more than a speck, really — but it's filled with nothing else but James fucking Potter.

     "There was a mass exodus from the train as soon as it arrived," he continues as his glasses start to fog up, "and the only other carriage left is full of second-years."

     Oh, you feel that one in your soul. Second-years are okay, sometimes, but usually they're excitable, too ready for the start of another year at magic school, and thus only bearable in small doses. By third year, the excitement is all about getting to choose which classes you take, and you understand this to a degree (you chose Divination, which sounded cool at the time but was an absolute fucking mistake, because you might enjoy the spooky muggle stuff but predicting the deaths of all your friends is not fucking fun, no matter how good your end-of-year grade was for it ) but the novelty quickly wears off.

     You suppose that's why James has chosen to risk his life by sitting in a confined space with you, instead. The three of you are well-seasoned veterans of Hogwarts and its bullshit by this point and, as a result, are appropriate company.

     The fact that both of you are his teammates is probably a nice bonus, too.

     You, however, offer a merciless smirk. James Potter is, without doubt, your worst enemy, and it fills you up with glee to inconvenience him at any opportunity. "You snooze, you lose, Potter. Off to the second-years you go!" You even make a shooing motion, just for good measure.

     Beth smacks your arm and rolls her eyes, offering James a pleasant smile. "There's loads of room, ignore them," she says, and while you're busy dramatically rubbing your arm and muttering expletives, James takes a seat on the bench opposite you. Rain hammers against the roof, somehow louder than it was a moment ago, and a self-satisfied grin creeps onto his face as the carriage begins its journey to the castle.

     "Where are the rest of the merry morons, then?" You ask, quirking a brow at him. You're pretty sure you can count on one hand the number of times you've seen James without at least one of his comrades in mischief. Frankly, it's rarer than spotting a unicorn in the wild. You wonder if you should take a picture to commemorate the occasion.

     He looks sheepish as he pulls his glasses off to wipe away the condensation. "Lost a bet."

     He doesn't elaborate, and you don't care enough to ask him to. You've been at school with them long enough to know that, honestly, it's probably best not to know.

     Beth reaches out and plucks a stray leaf from your hair. She waves it in your face, tickling your nose gently before letting it flutter to the ground. You slip your hand into hers, linking your fingers together. Beth is soft and sweet when she wants to be, and you're certain there's not a soul in the world who knows you this well. She has wormed her way into your heart, and you'd have to carve it out of your chest to be rid of her now.

     "Does anyone know who our captain is yet?" You ask aloud, after a few seconds of silence have passed. You're tired enough to curl up on the floor of the carriage and fall asleep right then and there, lulled by its gentle rocking and pitter-patter of the rain, but you should probably be conversational. There's very little worse than awkward silence, especially with James sitting there, staring at you with that dopey half-smirk on his face.

     You want to smack him. You want him to think you're extraordinary. You're not quite sure how to cope with such emotional extremes, but there they are, coexisting at the front of your mind. They war with each other, an itch you can't scratch because if you, you'll keep going until there's blood.

     His, preferably.

     It's not even that you hate James. Not really. You used to, only a year or so ago, because he made it so easy. With his smug little smile and the skip in his step, with his quips and jokes and way his hair curls over his brow, you'd fucking despised him. He'd set himself up as your rival back in second year, when you made the Gryffindor team at the same time. With the blurred stretch of years between then and now, you can't remember quite how it began, or what he did precisely that sparked this eternal grudge, but what followed is years of goading one another, pushing and pushing and pushing to outdo one another.

     The rivalry has made you so much better than you ever could have dreamed. Quidditch is your life and honestly, without James Potter, you're not sure where you'd be with it. Still good, perhaps. But maybe not very nearly the best.

     (You'll die before you tell him that, though. Or he will. You're not that picky and he does seem to have a death wish.)

     The carriage jolts as one of the wheels dips into a pothole. The thought of skipping the feast entirely sneaking past Professor McGonagall to go straight to your dorm is a tempting prospect. You know Beth won't let you do it, because if she has to sit through Dumbledore's speech then she'll drag you down with her, but it might be worth a shot.

     The silence persists for a few more seconds, growing steadily more awkward. When no one responds to your question, you press on. "We should've heard by now, right? Team captains get picked in the summer, and we need a new one because Hilary graduated last year." Do you sound a little bit agitated by your teammates' lack of urgency? Yes. Just a touch. But the look on Beth's face is fucking suspicious, and James... Well. He looks like he'd rather die.

     You narrow your eyes. "What are you not telling me? Spit it out, the pair of you."

     James coughs once, raising a hand to cover his mouth as he does so. For once the typical arrogance is gone, washed away with the rain. He looks dreadfully uncomfortable, turning bright red as he bashfully says, "Well. Uh. I am, I suppose. The new captain, that is." He has the good sense to look frightened.

     You hope, suddenly, that his cough means he caught pneumonia or something. Nothing fatal, obviously, but just enough to put him out of commission for a little while. You don't really mean it (you're not quite as horrible as some people would like to think) because James is one of the best on the team. Sometimes, you'll begrudgingly admit that he's even the best on the team   ━   but only if you get to be second best, obviously.

     Which is why you're a little shocked, of course, but not surprised. Not surprised at all, because he is good. Even as you sit there, pondering the many ways you could kill him and make it look like an accident, you know he's good. Too fucking good.

     Which is why you say, "Tell me you're kidding."

     James furrows his brows. "I'm not kidding?"

     You can feel Beth's shoulders shaking beside you, trying desperately to smother her amused cackles. James' expression softens a little as he realises this is a joke, sort of, and he begins to grin.

     "No, really," you say, this time the hint of a smile forming on your own lips, "tell me you're kidding. I'm begrudgingly proud and all that, because it had to be one of us," you wave your free hand at him, you'll have the captaincy one day, "but also, like, tell me it's a joke."

     "Why?"

     "Because I'm genuinely considering pushing you out of this carriage."

     James shrugs his shoulders, as if to say 'yeah, that's fair.' He gets it, he really does. You love that someone gets it. "It's not a joke, I'm afraid. Better luck next time, though!" He says it in a jolly tone of voice, and oh, you hate him.

     That's the thing with the two of you. You're sworn enemies, right, but you make each other better. He tries harder because you light a fire under his arse and bloody hell, you're itching for a chance to burn him, and vice versa.

      So you smirk, now. Square your shoulders. You've baited him into a competition, and you are absolutely ready to deliver. "Famous last words, Potter. Famous last words."

[magpiefngrl]

hey! curious new writer here. which fix of yours were the easiest to write and which were the hardest? in what way?

Hello anon! Thanks for an interesting ask.

OK I'll start with the disclaimer that every fic has its difficulties as well as moments when it flows, but there have definitely been some that poured out of me with great ease than others which were a constant struggle.

The Miseducation of Draco Malfoy, my first drarry, was written at the height of my obsession and it poured out of me. I wrote like a fiend all day and would go to bed at night and reread what I wrote. I breathed that fic day and night for the weeks it took me to write it. It was also the most fun I had writing, prob because I was a complete unknown and there were zero expectations from me. Similarly, The Full Monty, written just after TMODM, was an easy fic to write. I remember I read the prompt and was immediately assaulted by images and started laughing on my own and was like, OK I need to claim this, the fic is writing itself.

Similarly but in a more tortuous way, dirtynumbangelboy poured out of me too. More tortuous because it took me ages to find the right beginning, and by then I was behind with my deadlines and got stressed. Also, I wrote it in a sort of dread of the Erised fest, because it had some amazing writers that year and I was intimidated. I remember my goal was to "at least not embarrass myself" .

But, aside from the doubts and stress, dnab itself flowed like nothing else. There are passages that I really love, even now years later, and they are exactly as they came out the first time. I did very little editing (compared to other works).

With The Boy Who Died I made a fun post on tumblr about a mdzs AU of drarry and then the idea wouldn't let me go so I had to sit and write it. Luckily it was summer and I didn't work and I could spend my days writing it. There were moments I got stumped but it mostly came out easily.

Finally, a lot of my short fics poured out of me in one go and came out almost perfectly formed. The Dare, A Perfectly Normal Reaction, and my MCD The Death You Carry are good examples.

Fics that took ages at first:

so my thing is that I have to find the right opening to begin the story, otherwise I can't proceed. I don't plan; the first scene/chapter is my plan. And sometimes I get stuck for yonks. With The Unquiet Grave I began with a Draco POV, him being a politician and Harry his bodyguard, had an interesting first scene and then---nothing. It's like I hit a wall. Zero words come. When I have this feeling, I know I need to go back and revise. Long story short, it was when I changed the POV to Harry that somehow the whole gothic mood came about and I felt the auspicious click: I got it. That's what the story is. A gothic romance. After that, it was easier.

The same thing happened with Hush, darling. I rewrote a first scene fruitlessly several times until a random bit of inspiration fell into my hands: the visual of a card game. I began with it and I let it guide me and the whole plot/stakes/cast fell into place.

Fics that needed a LOT of work and had to be dragged into existence:

The Gift is the first that comes to mind. First couple of chapters were pretty easy and then I was stumped. Writing it felt like dragging myself up a slope, step by step and also not being happy with anything, so that was fun. :/

The other is 9 ½ Days, which took actual years to finish. In that case the middle part was the hard one. I wrote the beginning fairly easily and the last chapters, the plotty ones, also flowed. But the middle. Zeus almighty. It took me years and I thought and thought and thought about it a lot. Finishing this fic was an immense relief but also a source of pride, especially because I really liked the result, and judging by the comments I get, people seem to love it too.

Thanks for an unusual ask! It was good to ponder about my fics and my writing process. The same issues seem to crop up with my original works too, and it's helpful to remind myself that I got over those issues before and I can get over them again.

[bloodycyrano]

I want to lore dump about my BG3 storyline and OCs so bad, but at the same time I don't want to release any information before it would come out in the future chapters of my fanfic, so to stave off the dark urge, here's.... 🥁🥁🥁

Team Tadpole doing sweet things for each other part 2!

Sometimes, when Astarion has trouble resting at night, Gale will stay up with him and play chess- They started with card games, but Astarion cheats like a fox. He still cheats at chess, but not as often.

Karlach probably notices when her comrades are in pain after battle, and will hug a sack of rocks until they heat up to make a sort of makeshift heating pad for sore muscles.- Bonus points, She'll borrow some scented oils from Halsin to add an element of aromatherapy.

Gale has 100% done talis card readings for Team tadpole when they deal with heavy emotional stuff, if only to help them find their path forward. Maybe he isn't the best at verbal comfort, but magic is one thing he knows he can use for at least some benefit.

I feel like Gale also notices when people aren't dealing well with things, and will purposefully annoy Durge so they have someone to pick on and hopefully feel a little better afterwards. They're definitely the sort of friends that pretend to hate each other, but are there when you need them. Durge definitely brings out his petty side, but its all in good fun. Usually.

While maybe they have a bit of a rocky relationship, I also believe Durge would indulge Gales special interests and let him ramble about things, because they know what it's like to have to shut up to make other people happy. I also feel like Gale would return the favor and deliberately ask about weird, macabre things so that Durge actually has an excuse to bring up topics that interest them.

Wyll has a knitting hobby. You probably wouldn't expect it, but he definitely does. And he's really really good at it, too. He uses every holiday as an excuse to gift people things like socks, scarves, mittens, etc. And I mean EVERY holiday. Earth day, valentines day, national owlbear day (Which is totally not something he made up as an excuse to give people their presents early), etc. The thing is, he notices when people complain about their socks getting worn from traveling, and gets random ideas for gifts at 3 AM, and then spends the rest of the night knitting. He has also been known to make cute little knitted outfits for the group pets in the winter, because he thought Scratch was getting cold.

Adding onto this, Lae'zel is the only person Wyll is willing to go to for a blunt and honest opinion on the gifts he makes before he gives them. Lae'zel doesn't take this lightly, either. While maybe she doesn't show it, she takes this very seriously and is somewhat honored that Wyll came to her instead of anyone else.

Shadowheart tends to replenish Wylls yarn reserve without telling him as well. She asks Lae’zel what colours he's run out of, and then sneak some extra spools into his pack. Wyll still doesn't know who's been doing it, but he's thankful nonetheless. And it's one thing the cleric and the gith can actually be somewhat peaceful about.

Durge doesn't take all of their kills lightly. When it comes to someone they actually respected, there's a ritual they perform afterward that they read about in Withers old temple. They'll grind bone and ash into ink and take time to write out the names of those they respected, and bury it with the bodies. As well as little offerings as well. It isn't a short process either.. Durge will spend the entire night locked in their caravan burning incense, praying their name to Jergal in hopes that the spirit will find rest, and doing little things in honor of the dead.- It isn't hard for team tadpole to figure out when Durge has taken the life of someone they held a genuine respect for, and will be careful not to disturb them, or leave bones or herbs/flowers on the steps of their caravan. Karlach and Astarion will occasionally come to check on them. While maybe it doesn't happen often, it does happen. Withers was particularly surprise to begin receiving prayers after all this time, but it strengthened a sort of bond between the two.

[zarla-s]

Man it's been a long time since I've done an ask cluster! Let's see if I can get some down...

He's an extremely fun character to write for and play with! So in that sense I'm fond of him, haha. He's such a huge disaster of a person, there's always something fun to do with him. Well "fun" in a relative sense.

I don't have anything to forgive him for, he didn't hurt me. |D He hurt the brothers!

I do have an idea for a cute feature inspired by Six-Eared Macaque! I should really sit down and do that already... and finish the one I half started but never finished...

I don't think my opinion on any of them changed! I love them all, haha. Which ones I drew comics about just depends on which ones I get ideas for really. Sometimes I get Alphys ideas and sometimes I get Goatparents ideas! Inspiration is fickle!

I don't have any solid plans or anything. :B Just gonna keep chugging along with silly comics and art! Work on Defrag and such. I'd like to finish a Ladyverse comic I've had lying around forever, and I had vague plans for doing a doujin for them too I could work on... and also seeing if I could format Handplates into a book format... I've always got a bunch of projects, haha.

It works on that level! It wasn't intentional though. |D

I do enjoy speculation! I don't really have much of my own though, I didn't predict anything in chapter 2 so now I'm assuming I can't predict anything in the future chapters either, haha.

Emesis Blue is great! Some really beautiful visuals in there, very striking! Love the mood of it too and a lot of the surreal imagery. I think it helped spur me back into TF2 again, haha. Medic and Scout's relationship was so cute.

I have thought about this! It has its share of challenges though... I outlined them more in this post. A pdf would be more doable though... could even include some extra stuff as well! Hmm...

I can see that! He'd probably spend as much time out in the rain as he could just doing whatever to stay outside.

It was pretty much always going to end like that. I always wanted it to end on a hopeful note! Which might seem weird with how dark it is at the beginning. I DID for a brief period at the very beginning of Handplates think about stopping with the Pacifist run, but that was only because I thought going where I wanted to go would take too long and already the project seemed so dauntingly huge at the time, haha. But it was always going to end in a positive way!

Gaster talks about what he originally intended to create here, and he explains a bit about the physical experiments he runs on the brothers here. They aren't really a solution in and of themselves so much as tools to try and find a way to break the barrier. Really though, Gaster got stuck in the sunk-cost fallacy lol.

I don't really have opinions about what canon Gaster would be like. |D Handplates Gaster is his own thing really. Canon Gaster, who knows! Deltarune Gaster, who knows! I will say I hope Gaster stays a mystery in Deltarune and never actually shows up but I think the odds of that are really low at this point.

I thought about doing a script along those lines! I did a few rough drafts of one, but it never really went anywhere... it'd end up dead-ending or kind of meandering off. I might see if I can get an actual script down for a side-comic or something in the future... it might be better suited for a fic.

I was just thinking about this lately! I was picturing Gaster totally forgetting about that until he sees Papyrus squinting and is like OH GOD YOUR EYES THAT'S RIGHT D: and goes to get him looked at lol.

I couldn't come up with a good idea for Flowey which is a shame, I do like him, haha. If one comes to me though I might make a little side comic about it!

Gaster's LV is complicated... his stats in-game are ludicrous if I recall correctly. Did he carry the damage from his murders into the void, even if those murders weren't his in the new timeline? Deep thoughts.

He fed them anything he could find, haha. Which is why sometimes they just ended up with chocolate bars (which he intended as dinner for himself). He probably fed them more often than he fed himself lol. He did feed them fairly regularly though.

Not about skeletons, probably. |D

Man I know I had an explanation for this but it was so long ago... it's hard for me to remember. It could be that the Riverperson is just weird and has weird insight into elements of things, had a prophetic dream... I don't know! It bugs me now that I can't remember this, haha.

[north-noire]

what's your process for writing? :3

my writing process: I stare at my document file for hours and weep, repeat until writing gets miraculously done.

In all seriousness I tend to already have outlines ready for future chapters and stuff like that ready (and an idea of what I'd like to happen in the arcs/timeline of events). I've already had like a vague outline of my entire fic as a whole, but that's just kind of my own version of what happens in FNAF LMAO. I also just sometimes brainstorm, imagine new scenes that seems fitting for future chapters and list it down for me to write!

Though sometimes, even my writing execution just sometimes makes me have to divert/change plans up for chapters since sometimes writing's a bit unpredictable and sometimes some ideas I have just come out of nowhere/don't work anymore!

I talk back and forth about ideas with some friends/my alpha reader and bounce back ideas between them! It's really fun brainstorming with people and being able to put my ideas into words before writing it down. I also sometimes draw it out as concept art since it's fun visualizing some of my ideas!

Of course I still base most of the ideas from the actual source material (the games, some parts of the book trilogy) but since this is an AU I'm allowed to explore some "what-if" ideas and be able to have some creative freedom with it without worry since it is an AU after all! I get to do/explore things the way I want without worrying about judgment since this isn't really canon-compliant.

I take very long in actual writing stage (for obvious reasons), and after completing my rough/first draft I let it sit for a few days or a week before reading it again with a fresh pair of eyes and edit/revise/add new scenes accordingly. Sometimes I just make scenes out, no matter how bad it may be at first, and then just let revising/editing do my work for me. Sometimes I also have readied drafts for some scenes of future chapters that I can come back to, put it in the document and just rewrite it/rework it to be better suited for the narrative.

I tend to take my time longer during the editing/revising stage for a lot of things; I'm a perfectionist, I tend to sort of heavily criticize my work, and I worry a lot about its quality at the end of the day, and sometimes I realize that I need to fully revise the scene or fully rewrite a scene since it's lacking something/I'm missing a scene that should essentially be there. It's a hard battle, and an admittedly frustrating process.

That, and irl responsibilities makes it hard to just read through it sometimes.

During those breaks I sometimes read books/literature so that I can come back to editing/revising with fresh new knowledge on how I can improve or be able to know how I'll handle writing again.

After editing/revising is done, I just hand off the beta-reading to my beta readers, which also takes a while; we're all having irl responsibilities after all, and I mostly go to them back and forth about their feedback since it is nice having fresh eyes on your work WHILE also getting feedback from "first-time readers" of my work and what the readers might think of it when I publish it. They also help me with minor editing stuff since I'm not an English speaker (English isn't my first language) and their feedback really helps!

And then I usually draw out the cover chapter, and when my chapter's published, I do a nice little celebration for myself, since I take very long on chapter updates/making the actual chapters! It's important to celebrate the little victories we have, after all :]

Sorry for the SUPER long post, but since it is the writing process, I might as well share the ups and downs of my own writing process anyway XD Hope this helps?

[waytooinvested]

Forgotten, Not Forgiven - Chapter 27

This and previous chapters are also on AO3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They sat in silence for a little while after that, the quiet broken only by a low, regular beeping from one of Kara’s monitors and the distant bustle of the DEO going about its day to day business. Out there agents would be dealing with (hopefully relatively minor) emergencies, hurrying about on important missions, gossiping, arguing, keeping the world turning; but in here behind the closed med bay doors everything was blessedly still. As Lena’s breathing synced to Kara’s, she finally began to feel her heart rate returning to something like its normal rhythm. She was alright. It was all going to be alright now.

‘Lena?’

‘Mmm?’

‘Are you sure you’re really okay to stay here? Because you don’t have to, if- I mean, I don’t want you to go obviously. But I know you walked out on a big event for me, and if you have things you need to do, or if you just want some space to process and be mad at me, you can. I’ll be fine, and I promise not to do anything to get myself hurt again if you’re not here to keep an eye on me.’

The small part of Lena that was still inhabiting her other life pointed out that yes, she really should go. She should be checking on Jess and the demo team, reviewing footage, writing press releases and a thousand other things, but she ignored it.

It wasn’t that it didn’t matter.

It was just that the part of her brain where it mattered was so far away from where she was right now, she couldn’t bring herself to do anything about it but hold Kara tighter.

‘As long as you want me here, this is where I want to be. Anyway, the advantage of everyone thinking I just had my appendix out is that I’m now more or less obliged not to do any work for the next couple of days at least, and even after that I’ll need to take it easy while I “recover from my surgery”.’

Saying this reminded Lena of the other recovery plan she had yet to discuss with Kara, and all of a sudden her stomach was fluttering with a very different kind of anxiety to the one she’d felt earlier. The idea had seemed so reasonable when she’d suggested it to Alex, but now it felt bigger somehow, more significant and… intimate.

Don’t be silly. You’re not suggesting a lesbian u-haul, this is a purely practical, platonic, medically sensible arrangement. Just ask her.

‘Actually Kara… I was thinking maybe we could recover together. Since your apartment has so many stairs up to it and Alex doesn’t have a spare room, I wondered if you’d be up for coming to stay with me for a few weeks? Just until you’re well enough to manage by yourself. It could be fun: like a best friend sleepover every night, only with less Twister and more pain meds.’

‘We have never played Twister at a sleepover. We absolutely should though, I love that game, and Alex has refused to play it with me since high school.’

‘So… is that a yes?’

Lena was already smiling through the question, still nervous but finally allowing the feeling to mingle with a growing excitement at the idea of sharing a home with Kara (no matter how briefly and platonically it might be). But rather than the ‘of course!’ and happy smile she was expecting Kara’s worry crinkle appeared between her brows, and she bit her lip. Almost immediately she released it again with a pained hiss, but instead of answering the question she just muttered something under her breath about stupid hard sidewalks and their effect on the stupid soft human body if you fell just a tiny bit, and how was anyone ever supposed to stay in one piece anyway?

‘… Kara?’

The grumbling stopped.

‘Sorry, I’m just- I’m not sure it’s the best idea.’

‘Oh.’

Lena had considered a dozen potential pitfalls for her plan to take care of Kara through her injury, but for some reason the idea that she simply might not want to live together had never occurred to her. She had no right to feel disappointed by that, but she did. Just a little bit.

As if Kara could read her mind, she hurried to reassure her.

‘It’s not that I don’t want to! I’m sure being roommates would be so much fun, and I’m really, really grateful for the offer, it’s amazing of you. It’s just that… well, I’m going to need help with showering and getting to the bathroom and things, at least until my wrist is better. And I just wasn’t sure if you could… do that?’

‘Oh!’ Lena said again, and then chuckled. Was that all?

She might never be a match for her unfairly advantaged Kryptonian friend when it came to physical strength, but did Kara really think she didn’t have it in her to help someone to the bathroom without dropping them?

…Alright, so there had been that one time at the bunker when she had technically dropped Kara, but it had been mostly Alex’s fault, and anyway, Kara didn’t know about that. Besides, Lena had been keeping up her strength training ever since (despite the voice in her head that pointed out how many other things she had to do, and how unlikely she was to end up in a situation where she would need to carry an unconscious adult by herself (again)), and her muscles had never been in better shape than they were right now. She flexed them subtly, feeling the satisfying strain of her biceps against the unyieldingly tight fabric of her shirt sleeves.

‘Luckily for you it just so happens that I’ve been working on building up my strength the last few months. Don’t worry, I won’t let you fall.’

This time.

‘No, that’s not- I mean, great! Um, wow, that’s- that’s so great, but. Um.’

Instead of sounding relieved Kara’s voice had gone weirdly high, her cheeks blooming suddenly and startlingly pink against the pallor of post-injury shock, and the steady beeping of her heart rate monitor had noticeably increased in a way that made no sense, unless-

Lena swallowed, throat drying as she considered the possible implications.

‘… Is it because I’d see you naked?’

‘Well-’

Kara was now so red she looked almost sunburned, but she didn’t try to bluff or deny it.

‘Um. Kind of? But for you, not me. Things have been so good between us lately, I don’t want to push it too far and make you feel uncomfortable around me.’

‘Oh darling, of course I wouldn’t be. Why would you think I’d feel uncomfortable?’

‘Because of… you know… our fight. The whole…’

Kara hesitated, as if Lena might jump in and spare her from having to finish her sentence, but she didn’t. A dawning, horrified suspicion had begun to form in her mind at Kara’s mumbled words, and she needed her to finish.

After an agonising couple of seconds, she did, in a whisper.

‘The gay thing.’

The gay thing.

The GAY THING?

As in her gay thing?

Or… Kara’s gay thing?

Was Kara saying what she thought she was saying?

It was no good, she couldn’t keep guessing or trying to put the pieces together with an incomplete picture, no matter that she was supposed to know all of this already. She had to ask. Lena closed her eyes for a few moments, trying to picture snow. Frost. Blizzards and ice and the goddamn Arctic Circle to keep her cheeks from flaming, but she was pretty sure it wasn’t working.

‘I think-’

She broke off to clear her throat, and was relieved when her voice came out steadier on a second attempt.

‘I think maybe you and I have a different perspective on exactly what happened in our fight. Would you please tell me your side?’

Kara squirmed.

‘I don’t want to bring it all back up again. I don’t want to ruin this.’

She looked more frightened than Lena thought she had ever seen her before, and it took everything she had not to take the request back, to tell her they didn’t have to talk about it after all, not if she really didn’t want to (but they did have to. They’d put this off too long already. Lena had put it off too long. She needed to know).

‘Kara, I know it’s hard and just after you’ve had an accident isn’t the best time to have this conversation, but I still think we need to. I’m sorry I stopped you when you tried to raise this before, but I’m ready to listen properly now. I’m not going anywhere this time, and I’m not going to get angry with you again. I promise.’

‘Okay…’

Kara stared down at her knees, still looking like she’d rather take her chances jumping off another roof than talking about this, but not arguing any further.

‘So I should probably start at the beginning of the whole Hopeful Paragon thing. Given how our- um… conversation about that went, I don’t think I ever properly explained to you why I was doing it in the first place. And before I do I want to be clear that this isn’t an excuse for what happened with us at all, but I think it might help explain some things. A bit. Maybe.’

Lena nodded encouragingly, trying to look as if she had some idea of what Hopeful Paragon was, and desperately hoping that whatever Kara said next would explain what it had to do with the gay thing without her having to ask (“a different perspective” was one thing, but there was no way to explain why she didn’t know something that was clearly so fundamental to what had supposedly happened between them).

‘Go ahead.’

‘Right, okay… So at the time I was kind of in a rut. I know this sounds like a pretty lame excuse for not doing more with my life, but I stuck out like a sore thumb in Midvale, and after that blending in kind of became my life’s purpose. I kept my head down, tried to fit in, and pushed down all the parts of me that were too loud, or strange, or felt things that people would find inconvenient. Being Ms Grant’s assistant was the perfect job for that person, because the whole point of a PA is that if you’re doing it right, people barely notice you’re there at all. I tried to be happy with that, but the most I could hope to achieve in my day was keeping Cat in a good enough mood that she didn’t make anyone cry, and I hardly ever managed even that much. It all felt so small and pointless, but I didn’t know how to be anything else. Then I created the Hopeful Paragon blog, and I suddenly had this space where I could be something different without having to tear my whole life down. I could still be me the rest of the time, but I could also be a hero.’

Kara winced at herself as she said the word, attempting to wave it away with her bound arm as if forestalling a criticism that Lena had not been going to make. Whatever had happened between them, Kara was a hero. Powers or no powers. Part of Lena wanted to voice the thought, but she held her tongue in favour of hearing the rest of the story.

‘That sounds so stupid now when I’m so obviously not a hero, but that’s how it seemed at the time. The blog got kind of big, and it made me feel confident in a way I never was in my normal life. I got to be loud, and angry, and fight for real change without worrying about getting in trouble for professional conflict of interest, or… I don’t know, being hunted down by someone dangerous I’d done an exposé on. It was this wonderful, private outlet that only a handful of people knew about, and when you and I started talking through it it didn’t seem like a big deal not to say anything at first, because I didn’t really know you well as Kara yet anyway. Only then I did and I still kept putting off telling you. At first because it would have sounded so weird, and then because- because somehow you made it feel like just being myself as Kara was a good thing, like it was the better thing. You made me feel like I didn’t need all the bravado and glamour to be worthy, because I just was. I didn’t want you to stop seeing me that way, so I made more and more excuses not to tell you the truth yet. But the more I waited the worse it was that I hadn’t told you, and then…’

Kara hesitated again, eyes flicking nervously up to Lena’s face and then back down to her own knees, as if she hoped they might take over for her if she willed it hard enough. She clearly didn’t want to say whatever came next, but Lena didn’t prompt her. She sat still on the bed, giving Kara space to find the words she needed and breathing through her own experience of reliving their past. It hurt to hear it aloud, even filtered through de-kryptonised memories. It might always hurt a little bit. But what had once been a knife twisting in her heart was now the gentle ache of a healing scar, and for each painful memory that surfaced in her mind, half a dozen good ones rose up to soften it.

There was so much more to Kara Danvers (to them) than the lie that had torn them apart, and Lena was convinced now that Kara truly meant it when she said she would never hurt her like that again. They were growing past their mistakes, and they were stronger than their history. Stronger together.

The quiet stretched out for several long moments more, but eventually Kara took a deep, shaky breath and continued.

‘When Jack came to town I realised how jealous I was of what he meant to you, and I handled it… badly. After I crashed your date like a total weirdo I promised I wouldn’t ever let myself do something like that again, and I guess the online chats became the place where I was allowed to feel that way. Because Kara knew you were straight and into Jack, and then James, but Hopeful Paragon didn’t. Then when you found out it was a woman who had been flirting with you and you didn’t react how I’d hoped it felt like this huge, personal attack, and I got mad and insecure and I said a lot of things I didn’t mean. And Lena, I know how it sounded, but I truly, truly didn’t mean any of it. Almost as soon as the fight was over I realised what I’d done, but it was already too late by then. You didn’t want to talk to Hopeful Paragon anymore.’

A tear trickled down Kara’s grazed cheek but she didn’t stop speaking this time, forcing the words out even as she began to cry in earnest.

‘I lost you from that part of my life, but you were still best friends with Kara, and I couldn’t bear for you to hate her too. So I kept lying to you, about Hopeful Paragon and about my feelings for you, and… God, I can’t even imagine how awful it felt to find all that out the way you did. What I did to you was the biggest mistake of my entire life, and I don’t blame you for cutting me out for it. I am so, so grateful that you forgave me and came back anyway, but I know that the way I felt -the way I feel- must still make it hard to be my best friend. I just don’t want to push that too far. Because of course helping me shower wouldn’t be about... that, but also, it would be way too much to ask of you in the circumstances.’

Fuck.

Shitfuckfuckfuckshittingfucking FUCK.

That’s what Kara thought they had fought over instead of her making kryptonite?

All this time.

All this time, Kara had believed that Lena was homophobic, and had kept being her friend anyway. And Jack, and James… well, that was a lot to take in too. Was Kara rebuilding false emotions to go along with her false memories for what had happened in those cases, or had she really had feelings for Lena for that long?

Was she every bit as oblivious about Kara’s feelings as Kara had been about hers?

Maybe if she had confessed outright that she was in love with Kara when she had first realised it, her friend would have shared her secret in return, and none of this would have happened.

Lena wouldn’t have withdrawn after Lex had spilled the beans.

Lex would never have kidnapped Kara and stolen her memories.

Kara would never have lost her powers and wouldn’t now be lying injured in a hospital bed, with only sheer luck having prevented her from dying after falling off a roof.

Maybe instead they would be dating now. Working together to save the world and then going home at night to share the same bed.

She and Kara might have had it all.

She reached for Kara’s hand, the tremble in her own obvious as she wrapped her fingers around it and stroked her thumb tenderly across the knuckles.

‘I’m so sorry I made you think I didn’t like that part of who you are, but I promise that wasn’t true. Not for Hopeful Paragon, and never, ever for Kara Danvers. Everything that happened in that fight- you have to understand that what I did then wasn’t what I would have done if you and I were having that conversation. To me S- Hopeful Paragon wasn’t my best friend. She was an acquaintance that I liked and respected, but who crossed boundaries that weren’t hers to cross...’

Lena paused, but only for a moment. Her heart was pounding erratically and she couldn’t quite believe any of this was really happening, but after what Kara had just told her anything but the truth would just hurt both of them, now and later.

‘-They were yours, Kara. James, and even Jack… you never had anything to worry about. If I’d thought you were an option, it would always have been you.’

Kara’s expression flickered through a dozen different emotions ranging from shock, anguish, disbelief, incredulity, and finally, as she glanced between Lena’s face and the hand around hers, settled on a fragile, tentative hope.

‘ Really ?’

‘Really.’

She swallowed thickly.

‘So... if I had just told you…’

‘Or if I’d told you, instead of trying to get you to notice me flirting with flowers and low cut shirts and, ah, media companies.’

‘You- oh. Oh. I’m such a dummy.’

Lena surprised herself with a chuckle, because, yeah she kind of was. Apparently they both were.

‘Maybe, but you’re a very cute dummy.’

She watched Kara’s still-wet cheeks going pink again at the compliment, felt her tentatively turn her hand in Lena’s so she could lace their fingers together, and was hit with a wave of such tender fondness that it was almost too much to bear.

‘So… will you come and stay with me? Let me help you until you’re well enough to live alone again?’

‘I- yeah. Yes. I would love that. Thank you Lena.’

‘Always.’

She still couldn’t quite take in the fact that Kara had actually just confessed having feelings for her, and that she had confessed right back. She had always imagined that if they ever got to that moment, their declarations would be made into the diminishing space between their lips as they met for a kiss that could be held back no longer. She had fantasised about it a dozen different ways, from light and sweet to hungry and desperate. She had kissed Kara in every way and every place she could think of in her imagination and was certain that none of them would live up to the reality of even the softest brush against the unbroken skin of her top lip, but as it was, neither of them moved to make it a reality.

Kara let her head settle onto Lena’s shoulder, and Lena moved so that her cheek rested lightly against the familiar softness of Kara’s hair, their hands remaining clasped together in the small space between them on the bed. It wasn’t the right time for anything more than that, not for either of them. Lena’s silent promise not to have this conversation yet might be lying shattered at her feet, but she could at least make sure that things didn’t go any further until she could be sure that Kara knew what she was choosing, and that this wasn’t just an effect of her false memories.

And if this was all they could have, even if it was all they ever had, it was enough for Lena.

Kara was enough.

[dancerladyaqua]

Engage spoilers - Pre-Amnesia and Post-Amnesia Alear

The Japanese version does something very unique with the writing of Alear. Given the nature of Japanese having three distinct "alphabets" (hiragana, katakana, and kanji), they separate current Alear with past Alear quite amazingly.

Current Alear and past Alear both speak in very polite manners and, if you're just listening, the only difference is line delivery. Fun to note was that Alear uses "watashi," which in general is polite and sort of "normal," but "watashi" can be spelled 3 different ways normally. "私" is the kanji, "わたし" is hiragana, and "ワタシ" is katakana.

Current Alear uses the kanji form, while past Alear uses hiragana. AND, actually, current Alear uses a good amount of kanji while past Alear's words are written only in hiragana.

Hiragana is usually "for children." It's what kids learn first in Japanese schools. So in one way you have Alear's younger self pointed out in this way, but also, it feels very blank and devoid of emotion.

I noticed a lot in this game that certain characters would use kanji for one word while others would use its hiragana or katakana form. Take Vander and Hortensia. Both refer to Alear as "Divine Dragon-sama" (shinryuu-sama), but Vander uses the kanji 様 while Hortensia uses the katakana サマ. Vander's use shows his serious nature while Hortensia is more quirky.

In contrast to all these - and please note I'm not a native speaker of Japanese - past Alear's line delivery combined with the hiragana make Alear very void of emotion. Or, rather, pushing down those emotions to as not to appear defective to their dad. They scrubbed themselves of personality to stay alive.

From my memory, past Alear only uses hiragana, even in flashbacks when fighting their dad and making the initial pinky promise with Lumera. But what's great is Alear's final words with Lumera in chapter 25.

They start with Alear using kanji:

And then, as soon as Lumera says she was finally not alone after she met him, Alear says:

"Me too. Me too..."

The first "watashi" is kanji, while the second is hiragana, and their use of hiragana continues until Lumera is gone. Alear's last word in hiragana is "mother."

Then, as soon as they stand up, they return to kanji say that they're fine and not sad:

This scene is so poignant. You can really read into an interpretation that Alear has regained at least enough memories to connect to their past self. The one talking to Lumera isn't just current Alear, but also at least part of the past Alear that found so much solace and understanding in Lumera when they both were so lonely.

I love this game.

[markerofthemidnight]

Thinking of writing a Rain Code Peggy Sue/Swap AU. As in, at the end of the final Labyrinth, something happens that resets the timeline to the beginning of Chapter 0 as well as swaps everyone’s roles, and Yuma and Shinigami are the only ones who remember the original timeline.

A few fun ideas for this:

Shinigami

“Human” name is Shini Requiem (as borrowed from another trainee detective that’s never mentioned in the true story, so the real Yuma never appears here)

The other detectives just assume the reason why she’s… like that is because the supposed amnesia just made her weird

Still doesn’t stop her from being fairly competent at times, though, so they don’t really complain (if only they knew 60% of her competence is just advice given to her by a reluctant death god…)

REALLY having a bad time figuring out how to do human things like eating, and sleeping, and breathing

As a result has absolutely no internal clock, either staying awake when she wants to fall asleep or falling asleep when she needs to stay awake

She also has to do things like breathe and blink manually until her subconscious figures out it has to do those things itself, which takes about like a day

She’s an absolute MASTER in Mystery Labyrinths, though, for understandable reasons

(which is even more impressive given the fact that personality swapping means that the mysteries are fairly different now, and even if they weren’t, it’s not like she can remember all the details of all the cases)

Is still brooding over the fact that her tits mysteriously disappeared when she became a human: combine that with the height difference, and she basically looks like an overly sassy little girl

(“NOW I’M THE FLAT-CHESTED UGGO! WHYYYYYYY?!”)

Has no problem walking but can’t really run since she’s used to just floating

Actually isn’t as mean to other people as she is in the main game

(which is absolutely NOT because her usual personality is just a defense mechanism since anyone in their right mind would be terrified of a goddess of death, and even her masters would probably despise her because no god should be that incompetent: so if they’re going to hate her, it should at least be because of something she can control, right?)

Yuma

Ghost form just looks like Shinigami’s but slimmer, blue, and with curved horns

Human form is a fancier version of his typical outfit except a foot or so taller with a crown, the aforementioned horns, and two demonic wings that he still hasn’t figured out how to retract into his body like Shinigami does for hers

As a result, whenever he transforms, the sequence consists of him flailing about trying to balance himself with the gigantic flapping monstrosities now on his back as his clothing just magically materialises onto him

“Arise, Mystery LabyriiiIIIIIIIIINNNTH-“

His confidence pretty much took a terminal nosedive as soon as the last Labyrinth made it finally start to get better

Is especially not doing very well coping with the mental changes that come with being a death god, which starts out as just being attracted to the scent of blood, but gets… worse, over time.

”Shini, you have to hurry! If you don’t, Zange will boom-kill… I did not just say that.”

(note: still called her Shinigami at first but transitioned over to Shini rather quickly. He is still Iiving in denial of the fact that it may subconsciously be a pet name)

His version of Shinigami’s scythe is his blade, and naturally its new counterpart is the Solution Scythe

(summoning animation now consists of them doing a short little waltz before Shinigami rips off one of his wings, which turns into the scythe, and a new wing grows back painlessly)

Really doesn’t want to stab Shinigami in the back all the time even though it’s necessary to proceed in the Labyrinths: between this, Crime Scene Recreation, GOD Shinigami, and all the other situations that require him to be forceful in any sense, he makes a terrible guide

[quaranmine]

I know I already commented this on AO3 but I literally cant stop thinking about this fic and I so want to talk someone's ears off irl. Cuz holy fuck. I just absolutely the characterization in the story. The voice and expression of Grian is just so palpable and well-written. You sympathize for the guy even as he digs himself deeper into the abyss. Like, I know from the beginning, from playing Firewatch, that there is no conspiracy, just circumstances. But you understand where Grian is coming from, you hope that he is in some ways right, that Mumbo is still out there (doesnt help that Im a mumbo main lol). At some point, part of you just believe the conspiracy along with him even as everyone else, including the back of your own mind, tells you otherwise. And the other part wants to grab Grian from the other side of the screen and shake him til he realizes. That fucking dread of in some way knowing the ending just created that underlying layer of tension when reading. And, as someone else has pointed out, Grian's agency in his search for Mumbo being like denied somewhat fits in so well and just hits home that, nothing is really in his control, that its all just an accident. Its that gut-renching punch and realization that is stuck in my head after reading chapter 11. And im glad that chapter 12 presents some closure and breathing room. Its not the ending, but its an ending and a start. The melancholy of the last chapter, of Grian's acceptance and him finally meeting Scar. All of it is just, GOD. Anyways, excuse my ramblings, I love this fic and its genuinely one of the best Ive read. You did an amazing job.

THANK YOU!!!! I love this review of my work so much, as well as your AO3 review :)

I like that you bring out that having played Firewatch clued you in on the lack of conspiracy. I know the game's ending is controversial, but I actually like it a lot. I love the way the game makes you paranoid and how the remoteness of the setting reinforces that. I love how it's just a story about broken people running from their problems. Whenever I think about the game, I think about this Medium article I read (massive game spoilers.)

And so with this story, I didn't want to do the same thing as the game's plot, but I wanted to harness some of the same themes and explore them in my own way. I think the fic works well alongside the game because it sort of complements it, neither requiring prior game knowledge to read nor spoiling the game--but having game knowledge makes it even better.

I worked backwards knowing I was going to have an obvious ending. It's obvious because it's the most realistic option. But there is also an interesting extra level of writer-reader meta to play with, which is that nearly everyone is primed to sympathize with and believe the pov character. Everyone is also generally primed to expect better ending, or to expect that impossible will somehow happen because it's a fiction story. So I knew that readers would start off with a similar hope to Grian. And I knew that as the story went on further and further, I could direct readers toward the real conclusion. At some point, the very length of the fic itself and number of chapters left with make readers realize they're running out of time for things to happen. At some point, the reader is going have an objective picture of events and realize how irrational some of Grian's actions are.

I'm glad it worked to create a lot of tension! I also think the way a lot of other characters interact with Grian creates tension, because most of them are sort of "scared" to be direct with him since they know it'll upset him. And the way every one of Grian's actions keep adding and adding until the potential consequences grow greater and greater continue to add to the out-of-control feeling of this story. My goal for his character was always to keep pushing him to see where it led. It was a sad story to write, but it's a fun one to analyze for me.

I'm glad you liked chapter 12. I wanted it to try and resolve some of the things that needed to be said still, and provide a little bit of rest from the last three major action-filled chapters. The story is really 11 chapters of getting Grian to the first step in healing, and chapter 12 is that first step. It isn't the last one. Just the first.

Also my condolences for being a Mumbo main, I really need to get my blorbo rights revoked. I've been privately joking for the past year about fridging the poor man 😭mumbo ily i promise

[retromotherfuckers]

When the Sun Sets - Part 4

Adriadne

Characters:

adriadne/morgan winchester (OC), dean winchester, sam winchester

Summary:

adriadne finds out who she was before she went to hell. and the winchesters will not rest until they fix what their sister did all those years ago.

Warnings (for entire story):

SPN typical violence, so so much suppressing of emotions, vague mention of SA, depiction of torture, a very pro-torture main character, murder, vague mention of not eating for a while, parental abuse, slight suicidal ideation, SPN typical alcohol abuse, spoiler warning up to the end of season 10, following canon stops after the end of season 2 but things are sure to be mentioned

Word Total:

4k ~ roughly

A/N:

hi, so sorry its been so long, but i finally got the inspiration to continue writing this little mini series. i'm not convinced anyone is still interested in this story, but here's part 4. there's a little hatred towards blondes in this chapter - guys i actually love blonde hair i think its gorgeous - your girl is just a demon. my search history after writing this chapter, god help me.

this takes place loosely around season 10 and i kind of combined when sam tries to cure crowley with when he cures dean.

let me tell you, writing about a person who has no idea what's real is not easy to make good - its a 0/10 for me and i'm not convinced i even succeeded at that

italics = inner thoughts/memories

dean: 36, morgan: 35 (her body is 27), sam: 32

Adriadne vaguely remembered hating the moon coming up when she was human. For some reason, she detested nighttime and all that came with it. She had wanted to believe she wasn't as bad as the humans when she was one. But as she roamed the street of whatever bumblefuck town she was in, she remembered staring blankly at a street lamp once.

It was the only light she had seen for several miles. It illuminated a small bus stop with a bench and a pay phone attached to it. She was in some loud car, with even louder music playing, with her intolerably quiet family. The faces, names, and details of any of them had been long washed away. Somebody in her family needed to make a call, so they stopped, and she was left alone for a few minutes. The yellow beams that kept that area lit were the only thing keeping her from panicking. She had assumed she was only a child in the memory because, I mean, seriously? An adult scared of the dark?

If she had been an adult, Satan help her if she was, it would have been further proof of how weak humans are. Actually, regardless, it was proof. There was no light in Hell. Everything was dark, and only with the sight of a demon could anyone see. She bristled at the thought. Since being on Earth, she had no desire to go back downstairs. 

The darkness of the night did give her a little sense of reminiscence, though. Of home, Alastair, Crowley, her tools. Where she could roam freely without having to cling to that damn sack of flesh. But the daytime was a close second, in her opinion. The sun, as bright and almost blinding as it was, was warm. And it felt…kind of nice.

Turned out, she was a natural blonde, a type of blonde that got even lighter when she lay in the sun. And that rubbed her the wrong way. Like, who was actually blonde nowadays? Every blonde Alastair assigned to her was quickly scalped. And when they were healed, she would do it again. Then, she'd make them drink anti-freeze because many of them had blue eyes. It really had been a fun game.

Watching them die slowly and painfully was always an excellent way to waste an hour. And when they were brought back to life, it was back to her regularly scheduled programming.

It sucked even more that she had blue eyes too. They were so light. Like the human fucking sky or some shit. She liked her black eyes. They were who she was, a dark and malevolent visitor on this planet of fluffy little bunnies. 

At the sound of a whistle, a very loud one, she turned to find the source. "Damn, baby." The man said. He was some random guy on the corner of the street, watching her as she walked. "What's your name?"

She planted a demure little smile like she was so flattered by the attention. With a blush, she said, "Mary."

He smirked. "Are you a virgin, too?"

Imbecile, she groaned inside her head. She had heard that joke back home. It was usually the first thing a demon said when assigned someone with that name. After hearing it for the first time, she chuckled. The second time, she grinned. The fifty-seventh? She ignored it. 

Come up with something new, people, will you?

She flashed some doe eyes at him and pretended to blush even more. "How did you know?"

"I tend to sense these things."

"Oh, do you?" She asked with a grin, flashing her natural eyes at him. But before he could scream, she was slitting his throat.

When the jugular veins are severed, there is a relatively low spray of dark red blood, accompanied by the sound of escaping air, and the human coughs it up. So, to get a forceful spray of bright red, Adriadne's favorite, she cuts the carotid. And usually aims to sever the trachea so they gasp and wither at her feet. And with this guy? She hit the nail on the head.

It only takes a few minutes, but it's such a satisfying death. Being in the land of the living, slitting throats quickly became one of her favorite forms of sending them exactly where they belonged.

When Sam and Dean Winchester caught wind of a case; six hundred sixty-four bodies across the country with a slit throat and the Latin symbol for "hellhound" carved over their right eyebrow, they got on it. They didn't want to let it get to that magic number.

And when they got to the most recent crime scene, Lena Franklin, a thirty-one-year-old female - mother of three - with the same injuries, they found who they were looking for, taking another victim. Only they weren't expecting to find their sister standing over the body.

After knocking her out and locking her up, they summoned Crowley as soon as possible. It was like their lives depended on it, or really, it was their sister's life that they were worried about.

And when he explained the situation to them, they knew what they had to do.

With a whine, Adriadne awoke in a strange room. Filled with walls of file cabinets and Enochian or Latin symbols. She tried to rub at her head, where that damn vase had been thrown at her, but she noticed she was chained down. Usually, she wouldn't have an issue with chains; she could break through steel, and they were so satisfying when some human tried to escape them. But not only were these not steel chains, they were iron. And they had warding signs carved in them.

Fucking hunters.

Surprisingly, if there was any human she didn't entirely detest, it was hunters. They were more robust than the rest and really knew what the real world was like. But they were after her, so now, they had to die. Slowly, bloody, painfully.

"Welcome back, jackass," A voice she recognized said. The same voice threw the vase at her however many hours ago. It was the shorter of the two, but he had the more resounding voice. They were tall for humans, but the other was way bigger. Gigantor also seemed like he was friendlier, the dumbass.

She had heard of the Winchester brothers in Hell. Sam and Dean, she believed their names were. Two brooding brothers with mommy and daddy issues that jumpstarted the apocalypse. Then they fixed it and sent Lucifer back into his cage with Michael. They'd been in and out of hell themselves a few times. The only humans to ever accomplish such feats.

Clearly, they weren't stupid, but goddamn, were they annoying.

Sam was younger but a bit more book-smart, and Dean was the older but sarcastic one. She vaguely knew they had a thing for dying for each other, but that only made her roll her eyes like she so often did at these creatures.

"Dean," Sam scolded.

"And what a warm one at that. You ever have people over?" She groaned. The boys didn't respond, both just shaking their heads. They started pulling stuff out of a cooler, and she read what it said on it with a scoff. "Human blood? You're seriously gonna try and cure me?"

"Yep," Dean deadpanned.

"Oh, please," Adriadne drawled as her head fell back on her shoulders. "Spare me."

"You're a demon, Mo," The youngest said, like it was the worst thing in the world she could be. "We're not just gonna leave you like this."

"Mo? Who the hell is Mo?"

"Morgan," Dean explained, his voice monotone but somehow angry at the same time. "Our sister. The human that you used to be. So we're doing what we should'a done years ago. And saving you. Even if it is from yourself."

"Your sister?"

"Yeah," Sam quipped, annoyed. "Crowley said you wouldn't remember."

"Crowley's the one that-"

"We know," Dean said. "Just shut up."

I didn't even know the Winchesters had a sister, Adriadne thought. But to hell if she wanted to become a damn human. Why would she even consider it? "Ever think maybe your sister wouldn't wanna be saved?"

"Doesn't matter." The oldest Winchester remarked, his voice flat. "You don't get a choice."

With a huff, Adriadne chuckled darkly. "Just let me go do what I wanna do. I don't bother you; you don't bother me. So what the hell do you care?"

"What do we care?" Sam asked, almost dejectedly. He shook his head, not dignifying her with a response, and started pouring holy water around the devil's trap. Reciting the Latin to start the ritual, he grabbed a needle, loaded it up with human blood, and handed it to Dean.

Adriadne looked at her supposed brothers, she didn't even know their birth order. She knew Dean was the oldest and Sam was the youngest. But where did she fit in the lineup? "You got anything stronger in there? Some heroin? Meth? Maybe it'd really make me feel somethin'."

"Don't worry, honey, you're gonna feel a lot."

And before she could fight it, he put the syringe in her arm and pumped the blood directly into her arm. She could feel it coursing through her veins, traveling through her bones, her arteries, her cells. Weaving its way throughout her body like an itch you can't scratch. Involuntarily, she let out a loud roar, a demonic roar, of pain. This damn human blood did not agree with her.

"Look," Sam said as both brothers backed away from her. "We've got a whole bunch more of these to go. You could make this a lot easier on yourself."

"And just in case some part of you gives a crap, we got your blood type."

"You wanna know something?" Adriadne asked, but a new wave of pain from the human blood cut her off. She groaned but wouldn't let it cut her off too long. She was a demon, after all, and pain had never been something she feared. It was something she admired, longed for, craved. "The part of your sister that cared died a long time ago."

Five times, the Winchester brothers had streamlined her with human blood. They didn't say anything when they came in this time, silently injecting her with round six. Like it was the only thing keeping them from breaking.

Adriadne was a demon; she knew that. But now things were becoming a little muddled. There had been small things, small tidbits of images popping in and out of her brain.

They weren't like dreams or nightmares. They were more like poorly done movies of being beaten by someone she was supposed to call her father. Dreams of fighting with her siblings, where even they'd beaten her - but also when she fought back, and they took the beatings themselves. She won and lost over and over, losing the fight when Sam left them for school, winning when Dean tried to get her to stop seeing her high school boyfriend, losing when Dean took away the knife he gave her, and winning when she eventually stole it back. She remembered watching their so-called father yell and scream, practically torturing who she was told were her brothers. She remembered not being able to do anything about it.

She saw herself hunting other creatures - not humans, but monsters. Vampires, werewolves, ghosts, djinns, banshees, rugarus. She saw herself taking beatings from them, nearly dying from her injuries several times. She saw herself lose her virginity to a sweet guy from her high school at the time. She saw herself take that night and turn it into a string of drunken one-night stands.

She saw her father coming home drunk almost every night, beaten up. She saw herself patching him up, giving him stitches when necessary. She'd been the one to set her brother's bones when they were broken or dislocated. She'd have to be the one to reset her own because none of them were as good as she was at it. She saw the woman who was supposed to be her mother burn to death on a ceiling as her older brother - a toddler himself - pulled her and her little brother to safety.

And she remembered her father dying, making a deal with a demon to keep his oldest son alive and breathing. Then she remembered doing the same thing for her younger brother.

"You're the Winchesters," Adriadne drawled. "You're hunters. So am I an idiot to assume what you're gonna do once you realize this won't work? You think you got the stomach for that? Killing the girl you think is your sister?"

"We're not worried," Sam denied. "Because we've done this before."

It had been nine hours, nine injections of human blood in her veins, and she could name nine parts of her body she could barely move. She hadn't felt so useless since she was on the rack, and even then, she had a purpose. To postpone, to make it as long as she could. Alastair had given her a choice. Stay on, deal with the consequences, or get off, and then do it to someone else who deserved it too.

She had been at the end of her rope; her soul was already ripped to shreds. And then they healed her and broke it again.

The humans deserved it - that's what she was taught.

But then, why was I the one on the rack? I'm not human.

Yes, I am. Or...I was.

No. My name is Ad-Adria-

She had been having so many memories over the last several hours. But they had to be dreams; she didn't remember them belonging to her. Of the Winchesters, of growing up on Earth, of being a part of an admittedly screwed-up family.

My name is-

"How you doin', Mo?" That was Sam, her…younger brother, she had remembered. The memories were like a plague, keeping her sedentary in a time she had long forgotten. A time, she didn't know if she wanted to go back to or not. It was a time when she cared about them, about humans in general. A time when she had the ability to care.

Mo. Morgan.

She was confused when they called her that. She didn't know how to describe it. But something was weird about that name. These were people that she knew before she went to Hell. People she loved. People she would've sacrificed everything for. People she did sacrifice everything for.

"It doesn't feel right," She rasped, shaking her head as much as possible. Which, apparently, was not a lot.

"No, shit," And there's Dean.

"When you call me that," She explained, despondent, trying to blink away the new memory attempting to take hold of her reality. "It doesn't feel like my name."

"Well, what is your name?" 

She didn't know. Adriadne was supposed to be her name. Morgan was supposed to be her name. How could someone not know their own fucking name? It was the most basic form of identification. Even demons had names. A new wave of pain hits her, and she grips the chair with all her strength. It wasn't a lot; she was so weak. But then another memory took over, and she wasn't even in that room anymore.

"What is your name?" He had asked, his voice cold and unemotional. The girl only shook her head in response, knowing what was coming with her answer. "You will answer me when I speak to you, girl.

"Morgan," She choked out, tears already rolling. "Morgan Winchester."

"You don't deserve my last name." Before she could blink, her cheek was stinging, and she was on the motel room floor. More tears fell involuntarily at the searing pain, at the blood dripping down her face from his ring. She flinched at the hand he rose again, but no hit came. Instead, he laughed - a heartless and calculating laugh. Like it was amusing watching his thirteen-year-old daughter cower at his feet. "You are no Winchester."

He was ready to strike a second time when someone got in the way. 

"Get out of the way, Sam."

"No," his little voice announced. She could hear the emotion in his words as he continued. The little ten-year-old was scrawny, even smaller than she was. "She knows what she did. You don't have to hit her again."

Ignoring the boy, her father turned back to Morgan, practically looking through her little brother. "So this is what you've come to? Making little Sammy fight your damn battles for you?"

She looked him straight in the eyes; the green they usually held was almost black in the room's dim lighting. She had seen this so many times when he was angry, when a hunt didn't go his way, when his children disobeyed him. When she did something wrong. 

"Boys," Her father called, ordering them to shut up and listen. Dean took his hands away from his face with a wince. Sam winced, too, backing away from his father. Nearly crashing into her. "Take this as a learning opportunity. We fight our own battles in this family. And we don't rely on other people to do it for us." 

And with that, Sam was pushed out of the way, and he was on top of her.

"Dad," She gasped, finally back in the present but staring into space. Both brothers' heads shot up at the recall. "He was- he was mean."

"Yeah," Dean agreed, making her eyes lock on his. The whites of his eyes were red like the mention of his father had him holding things back. A storm was brewing behind his eyes, one he wouldn't let come to fruition. "He had his moments."

"He was so mad all the time," The girl croaked, her voice breaking even more. She was lost, not looking at them. Keeping her eyes down, they darted back and forth as she practically stared through the flesh and bone before her. "Watch out for Sammy. Make sure Sam's safe. Don't let anybody touch Sammy. If anything happens to him, I'll know whose fault it is." Her older brother only nodded, but Sam's eyes fluttered back and forth between his siblings. Like he was realizing something he hadn't before. "We were always watching out for Sammy. Who- who watched out for us?"

"Well, for one, Sammy watched out for us. And I watched for both of you, and you took care of us."

"I took care of you?"

"Yeah, Mo, you did," Sam said plainly.

"But I-I went to-" She denied, not entirely believing them. "I went to Hell, and now I don't know anything. You're my brothers? My family? My family tortured me. They-they're the ones that put me on the rack."

"Is that what they told you?" Sam asked, bewildered.

"I saw it!" She roared. Everything came back to her in waves, and not like a movie this time; these were memories. She knew it; she couldn't question it. "You hurt me- you- you touched me." She finally looked up at them, unable to hide the tears. She shook her head, trying to shake away the red, the blood, the screaming, the agony. "You- you- family isn't supposed to do that!"

Sam and Dean stared, their faces pale and drained. They didn't hide their emotions - like she remembered they did so often. They wore it plainly on their faces. Sam was a mixture of deep regret and sorrow. Dean wasn't just angry; he was simmering with rage.

"Now, you listen to me," Dean ordered, and she could almost hear a trace of their father in his voice. He leaned against the arms of her chair - her current prison - and gave her a stare that kept her captive in his gaze. "I went to Hell, too. They did the same thing to me. It. Wasn't. Us. And I know you don't believe that. But you will. Eventually."

When he finished, she nodded. He was wrong. Some part of her did believe him. The conviction in his words, the way he didn't bother to hide the angry tears in his eyes. Some part of her - a minuscule part - hoped he wasn't lying. That her family was still there for her. That maybe, even after everything that had happened, they would hold her when this was all over. 

At her slight confirmation, he nodded, too, and stepped back, giving his younger brother room for the next shot. Sam came forward and quickly, without hesitation, put the syringe in her arm and pressed down.

"I don't even know my own name."

Sam didn't balk at her words. He just shook his head and gave her a small, barely there smile.

"You will."

"I don't wanna be human," She cried. Eleven injections in, she could feel the human blood becoming her own. Integrating into her bones, her DNA changed with every second that passed. Her power was draining, and she didn't like it. She was returning to who she was before Hell, the young girl with daddy issues, with two brothers who loved her - but could never get along with.

"Humans are weak, they- their emotions, it's too much," She continued, shuddering. "They feel too much, they don't see how useless they are. How- how small they are. There are eight billion of you, and all of you think you're the most important one. You all think you have some fucked up purpose, that there's something more you can do with your pointless little lives."

"No one here is gonna tell you that being human is a walk in the park," Sam said, his voice calm and steady as if he was expecting her to say this. "But it is better than being a demon. Than killing for no reason. Because even if you don't believe it, I believe we do have a purpose. Maybe it's a tiny one, maybe you're just supposed to be here to make someone else happy. Maybe you're here to teach someone a lesson. Maybe you're here to save the world." His words got light at that, like it was an inside joke, and Dean let out a small laugh. But just because you don't know what it is or can't see it doesn't mean you don't have one." 

Before she could respond or give any words to the contrary, he put the needle in her arm and gave her the twelfth shot.

Morgan Winchester opened her eyes. And they were black. She could feel it, feel the remnants of Hell in her eyes. But as quickly as it came, it went. And as they cleared, she groaned. It was a strange feeling, but she felt lighter. Like there wasn't as much weight on her shoulders as before. Her eyes were blue again, like the sky people loved to stare at. Then she remembered she was human again. She was just a young girl again, not a demon, not a monster. 

And then the weight returned. Only this time, it was even heavier, as if someone had tied an anvil around her neck and thrown her into the ocean. She remembered everything. Her life, her father, her mother, her brothers, Sam dying, her dad dying, her deal with a demon, Hell, being tortured, then turning around and doing the same, becoming a demon, becoming Adriadne, taking a joyride upstairs, murdering so many innocents. Then, being in here, the crowded but well-protected safe room in some place she had no knowledge of. 

She could see her brothers a few feet away. Sam stood in front of Dean, holding a flask - their postures were identical. Tight and reserved, with their brows furrowed and their feet cemented into the floor.

Her face contorted into a question, and she greeted them with their names. She didn't know what else to say. But before she could speak again, Dean threw whatever was in the flask at her face.

Water. Water. Water.

And without needing a second to think about it, Morgan realized it was blessed. Holy water. They were putting her through one final test. To see if their work had paid off. When it didn't burn, sizzle, or boil her skin, her brothers let out a deep exhale of relief. Then, so did she.

"Welcome back, Morgan."

[fonulyn]

how are things? and I was wondering if you've got a favorite fic that you wrote or if its just too hard to choose?

i've been down with a cold so things are kinda annoying but it seems to be getting better at least so maybe things are looking up :'D thanks for asking!

oh damn. it is hard to choose. and it also depends on my mood, and like... some are faves because they were fun to write, some because i like how the end result turned out, some bc friends liked them, and so forth. it depends on what kind of a favorite we're looking for :3

i scrolled through my RE fics and tried to pick only the top faves and still ended up with thirty fics :'D (and sorta sad bc so many of them were not crowd pleasers lmao)

but! shameless self-recs under the cut! (it got long lol sorry)

we didn't know how to fly so high (burned down before we reached the sky) (Chris/Leon) - this one's special because it's the first RE fic I wrote and it's what ended a three year dry spell of me not writing a single thing. it's also special because back then i could go "OH ONE NOTE!" and post the second chapter lol.

haunting in my head (tempting me, inviting me to fall asleep in its arms) (Piers/Leon) - since I picked the first one, I'm also gonna pick the latest one. this was the kind of an idea that plagued me until I got it written and i'm super pleased with how it worked out!

and it's kind of obligatory for me to mention the self-indulgent series, because for so long it was what kept me going and what kept me writing when nothing else worked. it might not be the best thing i've written but it's for sure what i've poured most love in.

tear me open (and make me whole again) (Piers/Leon, past Krauser/Leon) - from my whumptober fics this one i was the most excited about. i know it's got quite a bit of violence in it but like. i thought it hit all the right notes emotionally too, and i honestly wished it would've done better. i think it's worth it! am still happy with how it turned out.

(honorable mention to haunt you like it's part of you, another Piers/Leon and past Krauser/Leon, which is something i am really really into but apparently it's just me :'D but I really like the way the pairings clearly contrast each other tbh, i just think it's neat)

in the end it's you and I (Piers/Leon) - this is another whumptober fic I was super excited for! i'm beyond pleased with how it turned out and at least I feel all the right emotions while reading it.

all the things you are (Jake/Piers) - honestly I could've picked pretty much any of the Piers/Jake fic I've written because they were all really fun to write and their dynamic is super fun :'D I love the little bits in re6 where they interact bc they get on each other's nerves in all the right ways!

when it comes to metaltango, they're pretty much all close to my heart lol but can't help but follow in spite of going insane is something i regularly think back to and am still happy with how it turned out. same with the Krauser's back series, and question all my doubts, especially.

never too much to ask for (Piers/Leon) - this one is so very very important to me because LEON LEARNS TO BE LOVED. he learns to not only accept comfort but actually ASK FOR IT and it makes me emotional just to think about it 🥺

gonna show you tonight (Piers/Leon) - this one just makes me very happy.

and then there are the Piers/Leon ones where I've inserted Piers into a game/movie he isn't in, and honestly, those are ALL something I've had fun with and love the results! there's re2 with Piers, re4 with Piers, Damnation with Piers, and a combo of re4/Vendetta/og stuff with Piers! also the other re2 with Piers but that one only has one chapter for now so :'D

heal the scars and change the stars (Piers/Leon) - this one was based on a dream I had and I can still remember the exact vibe of the dream, and the way it haunted me afterwards, and I'm honestly really happy with the fic too. I have a thing for breaking up and getting back together it seems :'D

you're a dream (Piers/Leon) - this is something I've always always wanted to write, because soulmate aus are interesting but I've always gravitated towards imperfect soulmate systems, where it takes real effort to find them, and it's not so clear cut. and I honestly love how this turned out.

at the shore of the unknown (Piers/Leon) - another thing i always wanted to do was a soft apocalypse. this was supposed to be the first fic of a series, and the series is probably not happening, but i'm still content with the mood of this fic as is :3 i love these... slow empty worlds.

before I even knew your name (Piers/Leon) - THIS! this was SO MUCH FUN i don't know if I've ever had as much fun writing a fic :'D idk it was such a joy.

i crave therefore i am (Piers/Leon) - this fic however fought me every single step of the way, i wrote it like three times, and hated half of the process lmao, but i do love how it turned out. and the first scene is one of my all time favorite scenes i've ever written in my life.

to feel again (fwb!Chris/Leon at first, Piers/Leon eventually) - this was supposed to be a quick little oneshot but in the end it spiraled into something longer, and I do love it. like. the whole point of the Chris/Leon bit was that neither of them is the bad guy or wrong but they just weren't right for each other at that point in time, and then I enjoyed letting Leon build trust and a new relationship with Piers slowly at his own pace. 10/10 would write again :'D

last chance garage (ot3) - this one was very emotional to write and also got SO out of hand bc it was supposed to be like 1k max and in the end I wrote 8k lol. but it's my favorite ot3 fic.

winter lovin' (there's snow one like you) (Piers/Leon) - this one is super special to me because it happens in Finland :D they're vacationing on my home turf lol. but also because they're so in love, and they get to have fun and be together and. idk. the whole fic makes me all "🥺💖" like i literally turn into a physical embodiment of those two emojis. i love the fic.

stay until the end of life (Piers/Leon) - this one was also very emotional to write and I wanted to put them through a lot, and show how they really are in it for better and for worse. i wanted to show the struggles too, like... they love each other. they wanna be there for each other. but it's not always that easy. and I do think it worked out great.

three words to last forever (Piers/Leon) - I'm gonna end this way too long list with this because it's the first (and so far only) time I wrote a "choose your own ending" story and it was so much fun! I wish I could do a bigger story where you get to make multiple choices, but that would require some serious brainstorming lol. anyhow, I'm happy I got to do this! and happy with it turned out! especially the saddest ending :'D

now I'll shut up with my deepest apologies lmao.

[lets-try-some-writing]

Your CC Warfare fic legit had me stressing out so bad I thought I was feeling a genuinely new emotion, lol. That whole thing was like a really bad car crash: it's terrible what happened, but you can't look away. If Strongarm had just said nothing, she would've avoided putting her foot in her mouth and getting in trouble. With how tense everything was, I see no reason why she would jump in. I understand she was trying to help Sideswipe out of that situation, but she did it in like the complete opposite direction! She should've reared him in, not back him up. She said it herself that they were war veterans. Though, I suppose that's easier said. Strongarm may be intelligible of the war records and Autobot law, but truthfully, plain intelligence pales in the face of wisdom and actual experience. Intelligence says: this war could've easily been won because of xyz. Wisdom and experience say completely otherwise. And I guess that is one of the points Optimus is trying to make: that Strongarm and Sideswipe do not have the wisdom or experience to understand exactly why things played out the way they did. I have the feeling the two simply looked at the war records itself and not any history that came before, especially Optimus' involvement with Megatron's revolution. I don't know if that would make much of a difference for Sideswipe tbh but I think Strongarm would be able to see just a little why Optimus couldn't outright kill Megatron in the beginning like Sideswipe said he should've. Even so, going back to the records itself , it won't contain legitimately every single thing that happened. It probably only recorded decisive battles and notable events. Billions of people were involved, and with that many variables, it would be impossible to say that the war could've been won if only Optimus did something sooner. WHICH BY THE WAY MAKES THIS SO MUCH WORSE. Sideswipe (and by extension Strongarm) is basically saying that Optimus is personally responsible for dragging on an intergalactic war just because he didn't off one guy as if the most wicked bots in the face of existence werent out there making lives worse on purpose under the cover of the war and would help stretch it to continue their sick actions. As if there weren't a hundred other Megatrons ready to continue the war themselves the moment Megatron died. If I could write an essay on every reason why the war dragged on, I'll be writing until I die and never come close to finishing. Even within the small game Optimus planned there are obvious reasons why it wouldn't be a quick or easy victory if they even win: limited number of fighters (no guarantee they'd hit the max min bc rallying people to fight is difficult), no details until they got to Helex (you're not always going to know what your goal is when being sent out to fight), no resources from the state (war is expensive and getting funding is difficult). So imagine that plus way more reasons plus on a planetary scale. The scope is simply unfathomable. Anyways, I think this comment has gone on long enough lol. Excellent work as always and I'm excited but also incredibly nervous to see how this all plays out. Take care!

YOU ARE PICKING UP WHAT I AM LAYING DOWN!!!

This whole fic is one giant show. Optimus wants the idiots under Bee's control to LEARN. You've already picked up the logical reasoning behind the rules he's laid down so far. And let me tell you, its only going to get more complicated. War is a difficult and unpredictable thing. Optimus is going to make that as real as possible in this non-lethal scenario.

Is it overkill? Maybe. But if even those serving under Bumblebee don't have the barest inkling of the truth? It hints at a FAR larger problem. I am going to have so much fun writing this thing. I want to get a few chapters stockpiled and then I will post them on Ao3 and continue there :3

Thank you for enjoying my writing and giving this lovely analysis. This sort of things makes my dad and encourages me to write more.