#its about loving someone. in spite of your lack of relationship.

[notthestarwar]

i hope that you guys know that when i talk about love i'm not talking about romance. i'm talking about a thing that goes beyond the boundaries of 'romantic' or 'familial' or 'platonic'. it's the thing that lives inside of all of us, thats inate in all human beings. its not about your relationship to that person. its about finding a thing, or a animal or a person, and feeling something ancient for them, in spite of your relationship. when people talk about romantic love they often arent actually talking about love. its a copy of a copy.

theres something inside all of us, that in the right circumstances will have you do the impossible to try and save someone, or even just to show them a bit of kindness when you know they cant be saved. you dont need to share blood for that to come in to being, you dont need to be attracted to them, you dont even need to like them. sometimes, something happens to bring it out in you and then its just there. you want the best for them (even if you might not know what that is) and you are suddenly willing to go beyond the limits of what it means to be human to make that happen.

most of the time the circumstances of the moment dont require any supernatural feat. but if they did, you might just try. its not a conscious thing. you just would. because the moment you love someone, be they a stranger on a bus, family, your partner, your friend, or just an acquaintance of circumstance; you're unconciously reminded that to love is to BE human. we live in order to love. you'd do the impossible, because you'd do anything to keep that love alive, because if not, why are you living? why have you survived up until that point and what is the point of continuing to do so.

[divineei]

TOOTM  one. to keep a promise

! ko kyungjun x fem!reader

a/n. this shit took so long omfg. whoever said writing was easy can suck my nonexistent left nutsack.

"i don't get why this is even a discussion."

"oh, cmon! you don't think the conflict around it is interesting?"

"whether its interesting or not doesn't matter because this shouldn't be an existing argument. if your partner or someone you love commits a murder and there's serious evidence pointing back to them, how could you just act like it's not even there?"

"dude, you're missing the point entirely. the question is not about what you would do in that situation, it's about what you should believe."

"that's so stupid. the only factor you should need is evidence. it doesn't matter if the accused is a long time friend, your partner, or even your child. sure, your judgment on their character is still relevant, but if their fingerprints were found at the crime scene there's just no way you can objectively ignore their culpability. at that point, you should either believe your partner is guilty or at best remain undecided."

"in that case, would you say that following the evidence is morally required?"

"absolutely."

"you don't think there might be other ethical factors to consider?"

"for example?"

"even though the evidence is strong, there's still a chance they might not be guilty. imagine how it would feel like to be innocent and have no one believe you, not even your own partner! by not supporting them you run the risk of seriously hurting them on a crucial time of need. and consider what this lack of trust would do to your relationship. could you really go on after seriously suspecting–and believing–they're a murderer?"

"are you saying you'd rather ignore the crimes of your partner, even when the truth is staring you in the face, just for the sake of love?"

outside of the ethical dilemma resonating through yoon yn's headphones, the girl shifted around on her seat. her limbs felt numb from remaining unmoving for so long and, even though the only companion by her side was her bag, the compact space paid no mercy on her back. 

after finding a comfortable position she set her eyes on the view outside the window. sunlight hued over the fields of grass and the occasional farm, making the rural landscape imitate a painting in motion shaped by the most gentle brush strokes. the scene felt so engrossingly peaceful, she could almost feel the gale caressing her features despite the glass separating her from the world. 

yn couldn't help but thank the scene–and the long lasting battery of her headphones–for giving her something to focus on, seeing as the ride to the resort her class was directed towards had resulted to be such an otherwise tiresome one. 

"YES!"

an obnoxious voice popped yn's bubble in spite of the maximum volume she'd set for her podcast. distracted by the sound she turned to glance at the very back of the bus, where the students grouped up at the last row of leathered seats frowned in unison at heo yool–who mocked them with the cheekiest grin one could imagine. judging by their sullen looks, yn figured the citizens had lost yet another round of mafia, a game they'd been playing for who knows how long.

she recalled when her classmates had urged her to join the game the moment she stepped into the bus, which she declined, prioritizing her tranquility over the headache she knew they'd give her, yet promising she'd join in the next time. 

after figuring out the source of that ruckus yn set her focus back on her podcast, purposely missing the eyes of the guy she'd been avoiding to the best of her abilities for days now.

just a few rows behind her, kyung jun's eyes never left yn as she disappeared between the sea of heads flooding the bus, and his scheme of intentionally leaving the space by his side unoccupied for her came to mind, especially remembering how his grand plan backfired when that fucking basketball-star-wannabe gave up his seat for her.

that annoying prick just couldn't get the memmo, couldn't he? to him, hyun ho had always been a nuisance; a pest that treaded on yn's heels at every chance he got–even when she used to hang onto the feared delinquent's arm.

"they're so loud," kyung jun muttered. he'd been trying to settle down the bittersweet echoes of his mind since the start of that damned school trip, in vain, since the blaring voices behind him made the flare that was his temper even harder to quell than any of those memories.

luckily, he needn't lift a single finger to make the commotion stop, and he was able to get some peace of mind thanks to his lackeys acting as spokesmen for his aggravation. 

on the other side of the large vehicle, kim so mi sneakily took pictures of the class president. 

"hey look, isn't he gorgeous?" the vice president called, showing what was sure to be one of her new favorite pictures to her friends seated behind: park ji soo, cha yoo joon and park woo ram. "doesn't this belong in a magazine? how can he look so gorgeous?" so mi repeated with a dreamy sigh, looking at her screen.

"i will tell jun hee tomorrow that you took a photo of him," woo ram threatened with a playful smile.

"oh yeah? what if i tell yn about all the videos you have?" so mi replied, pointing at the camera that always hanged around the guy's neck. 

"please do, maybe i'll finally seduce her."

"oh my god," exclaimed yoo joon, "you are so delusional."

"why?" he lifted one of his hands in response to the very serious offense.

"dude, you barely talk to her."

"woo ram, you have the same chances of getting with yn as me and yoo joon of breaking up." ji soo stated.

the guy in mention glanced at his girlfriend, seemingly unaware of the joke. "that's zero, right?" question to which ji soo only rolled her eyes.

"i don't care what you say," woo ram brushed off. "i know she's the love of my life."

"ko kyung jun!" called out so mi.

like a tiny animal trying to save itself from a threatening predator, woo ram jumped to the empty seat by his side, hiding from the vandal's peripheral as much as possible while the rest of his companions laughed.

"fuck, kim so mi!" he cried out, "you trying to get me killed?"

"relax, he's not even looking," revealed the vice president with a cheeky smile.

as if they'd rehearsed it, the four students turned around to catch ko kyung jun's eyes still set on yoon yn, and by the looks of it, he didn't have any plans to cease his staring.

"not seeing them together is kinda weird," yoo joon pointed out.

"does anyone know why they broke up?" so mi asked to her peers, who all looked at each other expecting an answer none of them had.

"whatever," dismissed ji soo, "yn is better off without him anyway."

"yeah, she's been around us a lot more since then." agreed so mi.

"i bet kyung jun barely let her talk to us."

"right? he looks like the controlling type."

"i would never treat her like that." acknowledged woo ram, making his way back into the conversation only to get beaten back down by the three others.

the time inside the bus seemed to work differently than the rest of the world. minutes and hours mixed up in a disorienting spectacle that at least seemed to follow the sun setting over the horizon. 

when they finally arrived to the resort, the only source of light were the numerous lamps adorning the streets and the inviting shine of the building before them.

with the bus door finally opened, the students of class 2-3 thronged the exit with overwhelming excitement. the trip had been longer that the teacher had promised and everyone was ready to get comfortable on their temporary rooms. of course, that included yn, who unfortunately had to wait for the rest of her classmates to take their suitcases out of the loaded trunk since her luggage ended up dropping to the back during the ride.

after everyone collected their belongings, the girl was able to retrieve her case at last. it was somewhat heavy but the tiny wheels at the bottom made it easier for her to slide the valise out of the bus' compartment. taking out the retractable handle, yn rolled her suitcase for at most six steps before someone else got ahold of it.

"what are you doing?" she questioned, but the guy simply walked away while pulling her luggage along and up the stairs.

"kyung jun." 

at the sound of his name, he stopped. walking towards him, yn stood right between the entrance and the suitcase-stealer. 

"what do you think? i'm helping you."

"i can do it myself." yn chided, staring him down harshly.

kyung jun had received many looks like that one throughout his life. from parents, teachers, students... they were all identical, ranging from disappointment to resentment and back. he was used to it. it was his day to day, how could he not be? yet he never imagined the same eyes that used to watch him with so much endearment would scrutinize him so cruelly. 

"you used to love when i carried your stuff." he reminded her, scanning yn's face for a spec of something–anything–he hoped could save him from the pain her gaze struck him with.

the girl let out an exasperated sigh. why couldn't he leave her be? why was it that, no matter how much she wanted to distance herself, he always found a way to squeeze back into her life? 

yn grabbed the handle of her suitcase and pulled. she wanted to leave, to get away from his side and free herself of his piercing eyes. unfortunately his strength surpassed hers, and she was forced to stay as he kept his grip.

"can you let go?" 

"yn," he asked but the girl just focused on the luggage he kept hostage. "can we talk?"

"about what?" she sneered, speaking with as much disdain her troubled feelings allowed.

"you know what." 

once again, she sighed. his antics were so infuriating; always pushing down the barrier she tried to put between the two. 

"not now."

"then when?" he instantly snapped back, then took a deep breath to stop his grating tone. "you always say that but then you ignore me for days."

"look, i don't have time for this." for the second time, she attempted to retrieve her case. "i promised i'd help with the preparations for the class picture, so–"

"oh, c'mon," and still, he pulled back. "since when do you care about this school-spirit-bullshit?"

he was right, yn never involved herself with whatever activities the school came up with. time and time again, they'd skipped so many classes as to not get involved with all those school projects they both deemed as meaningless, deciding to spend their mornings strolling around parks and nearby shopping districts instead. but that wasn't an option anymore, and yn needed some way to blurr the images that kept torturing her with the agonizing nostalgia of a broken relationship.

"promise me we'll talk. tonight." 

"sure," for the third time, she attempted to take back her luggage. but his answer was the same.

"no, yn. promise me."

with every fiber of her being, yn summoned the last shreds of her patience and met his gaze. his eyes held her captive, beseeching her in silence to unravel the troubles he was willing to share with no one but her, and the hypnotic pull of his gaze weakened her willpower to resist.

"i promise." she reluctantly gave in.

as kyung jun finally released the carry-on, yn didn't even bat an eye before snatching it up and walking away. however, as she made her way into the resort center, she couldn't help but feel frustrated with herself for falling for his tricks. all the effort she had put into avoiding him seemed to have gone down the drain so quickly, leaving her feeling defeated.

not wanting kyung jun to catch up to her, yn rushed inside the building. 

warm lights illuminated the vast entrance, composed by a lounge area with leathered sofas that accentuated the beige walls with brighter colors and a water dispenser conveniently placed next to the cushioned seats. at the center, a beautiful statue engulfed by faint blue lighting towered over everything below. the perfectly crafted marble giant was impossible to miss, looking like a still guardian watching over the resort's grounds. yet that didn't stop yn from overlooking the sign with the qr code needed for the resort's wifi and facility app.

following the arrows pointing out the way towards the elevator, yn got in and pressed the button labeled dormitories. the heavy doors slid and shut before the steel cage trembled, signaling its vertical movement. suddenly, the girl felt the air tighten inside her chest, twisting her lungs in a way that seemed to strangle them. oxygen got caught up in her throat as images of cables snapping and an imminent fall to her death plagued her mind. in, out, in, out. yn's breath increased as rapidly as tidal waves when the lights malfunctioned and in between flickers, she saw a dark figure out of the corner of her eye. 

the moment she snapped her head back to take a look, a faint bell announced the door sliding open. taking in the air as steadily as she could, yn grabbed her suitcase and escaped the cage of death. frightened and disoriented, she questioned if what just concurred has been a quick fever dream or reality. and if it wasn't, why did her mind torture her like that? as far as she knew, never in her life had she experienced something that'd cause this crippling fear of high spaces. so why...?

she shook her head and brushed off the uncanny feeling, dismissing it as a consequence from the tiresome trip and forcing herself to focus on finding the room she shared with ahn na hee and kim so mi, who'd invited her with overwhelming coercion. compared to the elevator ride, figuring out her way to her dormitory was a piece of cake. the girl left her stuff in an empty corner and took the stairs down towards the gymnasium. there, instead of getting scolded by the teacher like she expected, what greeted her was a plethora of different activities performed by her classmates. 

in the middle of the room, a group of students flawlessly danced to the rhythm of the songs reverberating from a large speaker, followed by lee joo young and choi mi na silently fighting for the spotlight, and being interrupted by ko kyung jun, who apparently had nothing better to do than to mess with their practice by turning off the music while his two loyal followers, shin seung bin and kim jin ha, played a very dedicated match of ping-pong.

on opposite corners of the gym, jin da bum, choi joo won, lee yoon seo and oh jung won were consecutively separated in two pairs, all conversing with their respective best friends. up on the second floor, cha yoo joon and park ji soo, who never seemed to stay away from each other, watched from above. on the stage, band members im eun chan, nam yeon woo and baek eun ha dabbled with their instruments to make sure everything was perfectly in tune. lastly, jang hyun ho and kim dong hyun busied themselves by organizing all the sport equipment laying around.

"yoon yn!" called kim jun hee from a large set of tables surrounded by the other members of the student council which, of course, included kim so mi and her friend ahn na hee.

with no sight of their teacher around yn walked stress-free to said table, although not before catching park woo ram pointing his camera right at her, which made the guy hastily turning to film someone else. 

"you're here," the class president stated. "we thought you got lost or something."

"sorry, i got caught up with something." yn replied. she didn't really care about these preparations, but she did promise to help, and yn wasn't the type to use that word lightly.

"yeah! i was going to text you but we've been so busy preparing everything." so mi ranted, sprinkling salt into the wound.

"i can see that," yn commented, deciding to ignore so mi's backhanded scolding.

"what happened, though? did you really get lost?" na hee asked. 

"no, i got stopped by kyung jun."

"oh, right. he was a bit late too now that I think about it."

"is that jackass bothering you again?" hyun ho, who'd come closer to the table just as yn approached, joined in and put a hand on her shoulder.

"no," yes. "everything's fine."

truth be told, yn would rather drop dead than having to deal with kyung jun. however, she knew that telling her classmates about it wouldn't lead to a positive outcome. after all, the only person who had the courage to confront the delinquent was hyun ho, and, given their history, yn was certain his involvement would only make matters worse.

in another area of the bustling gym, the noticeable trio of vandals were causing a ruckus in the corner. as they tossed a basketball back and forth, jin ha hurled the ball at kyung jun, who was too busy gawking at yn's arrival to notice. the ball smacked him right in the chest–a painful reminder of how his focus seemed to always follow after her. 

"shit, my bad!" jin ha exclaimed.

their leader squatted to grab the ball at his feet and got back up only for his gaze to fix back towards the girl who constantly distracted him and, of-fucking-course, hyun ho standing right next to her, as always. the sight made his blood boil and his knuckles turn white as he clenched the basketball in his hands, while his rapid heartbeats deafened any coherent thought telling him to settle down.

seeing this, jin ha and seung bin looked at each other before the latter sighed and came closer to his friend. throwing one arm around his shoulders, he spoke:

"why don't we go outside, man? get your head out the gutter."

"yeah," kyung jun agreed, seeing seung bin was clearly trying his best to support him. perhaps he was right, some air would probably do him good right now. "let's go." was the last thing he said before disappearing through the gymnasium's exit, just in time to miss the teacher entering from the other side.

after informing the class presidents about a problem regarding the other bus full of students set to accompany them on this field trip, he left, clearly in a panic because of the unexpected turn of events.

in the meantime, most of class 2-3 remained in the gymnasium. no more than a few minutes went by before the dancing group, who now were fixing their hair and makeup while sitting on the floor, called yn over. ever since they found out about her break up, the girls had been offered her to go out again and again, an opportunity they took to invite her to join their club with not-so-subtle comments. 

"oh yn, you should hang out with us more!" were the kind of utterances she always received from the class' cheerleaders.

mi na had insisted on brushing yn's hair. taking the empty stop in front of her classmate, she felt the bristles effortlessly flowing through the roots of her hair to its ends. the conversation was an amicable one. the girls often taking their time to butter up yn and saying how cool it'd be to have her in their club–until the self proclaimed hairdresser decided to dive into something she'd been curious about.

"hey yn."

"yeah?" she answered, eyes closed while enjoying the soothing sensation of the hairbrush.

"why did you and kyung jun brake up?"

mi na found herself at a loss for words when she faced the disapproving and critical stares of the entire group. why would you ask that? their glares yelled in silence, making her feel like she just made a terrible mistake.

"that's between him and i, mi na." yn abruptly ended the change of topic.

why did they break up? that's a question she'd been asked countless times ever since her classmates took note of their separation. a query yn remembered avoiding like a plague, long before this trip. only this time, a strange, guttural discomfort buried into every corner of her brain as she noticed a spec of something missing, unable to put together if the same evasion came as a reflex or because she couldn't answer it herself.

"right," mi na's shame, reinforced by the brutal glares of the other girls, took over her face as her cheeks flushed. "sorry."

luckily for her, just as her face morphed into a cherry tomato, a painful ringing roared through the speakers before the absence of light engulfed the high schoolers in deep darkness.

"c'mon! what is this?" one said.

"what's going on?" asked another.

"hey, turn the lights on!" resonated a voice from above.

a loud clang similar to a metal pipe hitting a hard surface echoed over the four walls, followed by the piercing shrieks of several people. helping themselves with the flashlights provided by their phones, the students revealed a white figure in the middle of the room.

"quit joking around." before any more screeches could be heard, hyun ho launched a basketball to the sheeted ghost, making it fall to the ground just as pathetically as your average cartoon villain.

with the precision of a well-rehearsed act, the room was suddenly lit up, revealing the mischievous culprit behind the childish prank. and lo and behold, it was none other than heo yool.

the collection of complaints from everybody present synced in a perfect expression of annoyance and the occasional insult. 

"guys, listen carefully." the class clown™ gathered his classmates' attention as he stood from the ground. "i've heard that, a long time ago, a high school girl killed herself here," he explained, playing the role of a surprisingly talented storyteller. "so there's a few things you should never do: don't look at the mirror and turn around at midnight. and if someone grabs your ankle when you're sleeping, don't look down. if you break these rules," he turned to the group of dancers. "a ghost will pop up!" dashing towards them with the form of a rogish halloween scare actor, he was met with the frightened squeals of the girls.

yn, whose interest in the paranormal had never been deep enough to scare her, grabbed mi na's hairbrush and hurled it towards heo yool. an action that encouraged the rest of the class to throw everything they had at hand, along with some despicable remarks and the teasing laugh of the insufferable rascal.

defeated by heo yool's stunts, the students decided they've had enough as one by one they exited the gym. 

"are you coming, yn?" so mi asked.

the girl nodded before answering, "i'll be there in a minute. i want to get some water first."

at the entrance, so mi and yn parted ways. she approached the water dispenser and took one of the cardboard cups provided by the machine. ever since the lights of the gymnasium had turned off, the girl noticed an unusual taste in her mouth that reminded her of her frightening fever dream at the elevator. she felt it at the back of her neck: something eerily creeping behind her at every given moment. was it possible that heo yool's story actually got under her skin? trying to brush off the uncanny sensation, yn took a sip from the refreshment in her hand.

"yn!" 

the call startled her, making the water get caught up in her throat. she coughed and patted her own chest as the liquid scraped its way down her larynx, like a tiny bug trying to escape a spider's web. once able to compose herself, yn glanced towards the voice.

"im so sorry!" joo won panicked in a stutter, "i didn't mean to do that, are you ok?"

"im fine." she wiped the water from her lips with her long sleeve. 

joo won and his companion standing behind, da bum, stared at her in silence.

"do you want anything or...?" 

a simultaneous no and a yes echoed trough the entrance, followed by a confused frown from the girl and whatever silent conversation the two guys were displaying with their eyes. 

"do you think maybe you could," joo won took his sweet time to mutter his next words, as if scared. "talk with kyung jun?"

"excuse me?"

what the fuck...? did kyung jun put them up to this?

"we just, well," the spokesman of the duo halted. "we gave some money to his friends a few days ago and we just don't want to bother them."

oh.

"so you bother me?" 

"no, no!" da bum spoke promptly and grabbed his friend's arm, pulling him along as he took a few steps to leave. "it's ok, yn. we won't bother you."

joo won released himself from da bum's grasp and walked towards yn. "please," he pleaded, holding one of her hands tightly with both of his. "he'll listen to you."

right as her heart started beating with enough sympathy to care for their situation, the front door opened. seung bin, jin ha and kyung jun walked into the building, the latter playing around with a basketball.

the three delinquents would've kept their saunter if it weren't for yn's presence, which made the group's top dog stop in his tracks. his companions did the same and all stared at the situation unfolding right in front of them. kyung jun's eyes stayed on the hands holding yn and after noticing his threatening glare, joo won leaped away from her.

"what's going on?" asked the fearful leader.

"you owe them money?" yn countered, her eyes flickering between the trio.

"what?" the blonde one laughed, brushing off the accusation. 

"they do!" joo won blamed, but instantly went back to his helpless self when met with the bullies' threatening scowls. "please, i just need it for my tuition."

the firm glare of the girl pierced through the tough act of the tamer vandal, making him drop his facade as he approached the feeble boy, closed fist in the air.

"fuck, man! we're on retreat, why are you asking us for money now?"

"yeah," seung bin joined in, defending his friend. "what are you, a loan shark? we told you we'd give you interests. give us some time, dipshit!"

kyung jun, who'd only taken the role of observer until that moment, put down the basketball he held and intervened to slap both of his lackeys' heads. "did you do sports betting again? huh?"

like scolded puppies, seung bin and jin ha faced the floor as they stepped aside.

"da bum," he called, and the guy lifted his head to stare at the bully. "did you lend them money too?"

"huh?" as kyung jun stalked closer, da bum's heart raced faster with every step. his eyes frantically scanned the room, desperately seeking any distraction from the intimidating figure slowly closing in on him. "yes. but i can wait for my money. there's no rush." with a lump in his throat, da bum braced himself for whatever was coming next.

"how much?" kyung jun's open hand grabbed the side of da bum's face, forcing the terrified boy to look right at him. "ill pay you back."

"you will?" da bum stuttered.

"of course," his grin turned into something sinister, which allowed only da bum to see because of their proximity. "in return play basketball with me, yeah?"

he faintly smacked his victim's face twice before coming up to yn. "everything's alright here, yn. see? no need for this." kyung jun reached out to hold her hand but she pulled away before any contact could be made. 

was she really so revolted by him she wouldn't even let him touch her? accepting his defeat, kyung jun hid his hands inside his jacket's pockets. 

"right," yn looked at da bum and joo won, who were currently being pushed around by the other two, before turning back to kyung jun. "in that case, i'll get going." 

"you're not coming with me?" just as yn started to walk away, his words pulled her back in.

"i'd rather not."

"are you sure?"

with a swift nod, kyung jun signaled seung bin and jin ha to go ahead and, bringing along the poor students they were about to torment, they disappeared down the hallway.

they were left alone, just like kyung jun liked it. only them, with nothing and no one around to interrupt their precious time together.

not a single second did he stop looking into her fiery eyes, which only seemed to hold a hostility that antagonized his own devoted regard.

"it's almost midnight."

both held each other's gaze, which kyung jun took as an invitation to step towards the girl. he stopped right in front of her and, unfortunately, yn's heart betrayed her mind as she internally screamed for it to cease its raising beats. 

kyung jun's hands raised to yn's face, completely forgetting her previous rejection. for a second, he thought of apologizing, since she'd made it clear time and time again how much she now despised his presence. but how could he apologize for something he was barely conscious of? he couldn't help himself, not when she was merely inches away, not with her. maybe if he insisted–if he didn't give up–she'd finally understand why staying apart was never the world's plan. 

"you promised me. remember?"

his hands were close. so close he could feel his fingertips grace her cheeks, a touch so minuscule, yet enough to make his skin crawl with anticipation. 

he was too close. 

yn stepped back just as she felt the fleeting spark. she would be dammed if she ever allowed him to touch her again, in more ways than one. or at least that's what she told herself as she fell right into another one of his tricks. kyung jun knew her well; too well for her liking. and with such measly words she found herself helplessly cornered by her own self-discipline and morals.

fucking bastard.

up in the vast dormitory area of the resort center, different groups of people were each caught up in their own conversations, without a single care in the world or the impending sinister feeling hanging over their heads like an invisible wrecking ball about to crash and destroy every single thing they ever cared for.

in her room, lee yoon seo was finally able to lose herself in her novel when her phone pinged. slightly annoyed by the distraction she took a closer look to her home screen, which displayed an app in process of downloading.

"i told you i didn't need this." she showed the screen to her roommate.

"it wasn't me." jung won answered, just as astounded.

our perspective changes and now we observe a group of various students, all gathered in one room. the class couple, the cheerleaders and members of the student council all sharing snacks and stories between them in perfect harmony until a knock interrupted. 

"come in!" allowed the vice president.

"hey guys," the door opened, reavealing hyun ho accompanied by his best friend, dong hyun, who stayed on the hallway behind him. "has anyone seen yn?"

"how come you don't know? you're always following her." mocked woo ram before taking a handful of chips from one of the various bags scattered around the room.

"you're one to talk." ji soo muttered, which provoked woo ram to throw a scrambled napkin her way.

"i'm serious." hyun ho replied, "i've tried texting her but this wifi doesn't even work."

"she told me she was going to get some water, isn't she downstairs?" just as so mi finished her sentence, one by one every phone in the room chimed.

notifications spread throughout the resort like a 14th century pandemic, resonating around every room as if imitating the never ending bells that announced the beginning of the end.

back in the gymnasium, joo won stood shaking below the basketball hoop with his friend by his side, eyes shut tight as neither dared watch the nearing hit from the ball.

"joo won, stay right there." kyung jun sneered as he prepared himself to throw. he looked up, targeting the net as he bent his knees, faked a jump, and sent the ball right into the boy's stomach.

joo won kneeled in pain, groaning and grasping his abdomen with both hands in his best attempt to soothe the aching sensation puncturing his body.

yn watched the situation unfold as she sat on the rubber gym flooring, otherwise cold if it weren't for seung bin's zip-up laid out below her. it had been kyung jun who'd instructed the blondie to give up his hoodie, since yn declined on taking his own. not a single word was heard from the girl ever since stepping into the gym as the trio took turns tormenting their two victims, until now.

"i didn't come here for this, kyung jun."

almost ten minutes had passed and she was still waiting for kyung jun to approach her and start the conversation he so adamantly pushed onto her.

"c'mon yn, let me give it one more shot."

he must've lost his fucking mind, thinking he had her wrapped around his finger to waste her time in such a way. fed up, yn got up and snatched the basketball out of his hands before throwing it away. it rolled towards jin ha, who immediately picked it up to quite the sound of the bouncing that only seemed to raise the tension of the ex-lovers' quarrel.

yn opened her mouth to give kyung jun an ultimatum, a last opportunity out of her remaining patience, when a sudden ding emitted out of her skirt's pocket. she would've payed no mind to it if it weren't for the other five identical sounds that propagated right after.

each person in the room took out their phones and faced their screens, which displayed a virtual envelope eagerly waiting to be opened. 

TAP TO VIEW YOU ROLE, read the text below.

"wasn't this the resort's app?" asked jin ha, to nobody in particular.

resort's app? 

she never knew about any app.

"mafia?" seung bin laughed from his spot at the floor and showed his screen. "what's this about?"

"what the fuck is this?" kyung jun mumbled with a frown, clearly confused.

yn brought one hand to the back of her neck as the abnormal sensation from minutes ago reappeared. goosebumps started breaking out throughout her skin and every cell on her body seemed to tremble uncontrollably while she stared at the little black mirror on her hand. which, as she would soon find out, reflected the last version of herself with any shred of purity.

🏷️ @flaneurpastel - @jwijii - @watamotee33

© to @divineei on tumblr; do not repost or steal

[maple-the-awesome]

Friend or Foe || Part 3/3

Part 1 || Part 2

Pairings: Warrior, Sky, Twilight x GN Reader

Overview: Link visits an alternate world without its hero and, more importantly, a version of you without your Link. Unfortunately, it seems even the smallest of details can lead to disastrous results. In spirt of Halloween, I've decided to do a little evil prompt because none of the Links have enough emotional damage yet😈

Zelda Masterlist 💙Fandom Masterlist

Every soldier has something they fight for - something they'd risk it all to protect. For Warrior, that motivation has always come from you. Admittedly, your relationship was a bit sour and competitive at the start since you were both trying to be Hyrule's best soldier, although overtime, spiteful taunting turned into warm banter, and warm banter became affectionate flirting. Do you even know his compliments are genuine? Do you know how weak at the knees you make him or how smitten he truly is? Not to be dramatic, but Warrior would die for you. How would you react if he told you that openly - no hint of teasing or insincerity to be found in his voice? The question has long weighed heavy on his mind, yet he supposes he'll have to wait longer for an answer because there's no way he'll get it straight from this version of you...

Goddesses, Warrior’s tired. It’s been a rough few days of walking to absolutely nowhere through a barren wasteland which has left his feet sore, his back aching, and his eyes barely able to stay open, yet he still volunteered to patrol the area around camp before turning in for the night because despite how worn out his body is, he can’t truthfully say he isn’t used to it. 

As a soldier, he’s traveled similar distances while cutting his way through whole armies, so he isn’t about to really complain about a quick walk around an empty forest even if it is pretty creepy and foggy. Besides, as you’ve always hypothesized, the more tired you are, the more rewarding sleep will be, and you aren’t wrong about that; when being this exhausted, Warrior shouldn’t have any problem passing out the second he collapses onto his bedroll.

Thinking about you during his journey is typical, especially during quiet moments like this. He wonders what you’re up to right now, placing internal bets with himself on whether you’re worried about or have barely noticed his absences. Somehow he convinces himself of the latter, after all you always claim you’re too busy to babysit him, although the former is still a nice thought even if a bit heartbreaking to imagine you becoming weak with concern over his whereabouts. Maybe you just miss having someone around to playfully critique. Maybe it feels too quiet with no one to annoy you throughout the workday. Whatever the reason, Warrior won’t allow himself to think it’s because you miss the man you love; that’s a dangerous thing to hope for.

His lonely pondering must be put on hold when he hears a sound from behind, turning just in time to see the glimmer of a blade being swung towards his head. In an instant, Warrior drops down, dodging the weapon then stopping it with his own which had been drawn swiftly. 

There were a lot of possibilities for his attacker’s identity. It could have been a bokoblin or moblin, perhaps even the same dark lizard the Chain has been hunting for this whole time, yet the very last answer Warrior would’ve imagined - something that took his breath away upon realizing - was for it to be you staring down at him with your lips pulled into a snarl.

He speaks your name in stuttered surprise, eyes as wide as dinner plates as they scan your face just to be sure despite how extremely unlikely it would be for him to ever mistake you. He could identify your beauty anywhere and he knows what it’s like to be at the other end of your blade, the difference being the lack of mischief or hidden admiration in your eyes. Instead, there’s only hate and malice after a bout of shock from your victim somehow knowing your name.

Not letting it be of concern, you bring your sword back and swing again, yet Warrior recovers from each attempt on his life, having sparred with you enough times to understand your strategies, although that isn’t to say you don’t still give him a run for his money.

“You resistance fighters just never give up, do you?! Always trying to play the hero as if you could possibly stand a chance against the Demon King! Look around you! What are you even fighting for at this point?!”

Warrior does look around. He looks around at all the dead trees and dry grass. He looks at the dark sky and the many scars that litter your face. You look as if you’ve been through something similar as the Champion, your entire body torn after many harrowing battles. This isn’t how he left you. He left you back in his Hyrule, a hand over your mouth as you tried to hide your laughter after some dumb joke he made. You were happy then, but this version of you - who he now realizes is not his own - looks miserable and tired, as if all hope has been drained from their body.

“I’m not a resistance fighter - (Y/n), it’s me. It’s Link.”

“The hero Link…?” You ask and, for a moment, Warrior has hope that you’ll halt your attacks. Surely even in this world, you must know who he is because if there’s someone who looks and acts exactly like you, there must be an equal counterpart for him, yet instead of helping him, you scowl before swiping your legs under his, knocking him to the ground with a heavy ‘thud’...He forgot that common move of yours…

You point your sword inches away from his face, for once your expression showing not anger, but rather sorrow as you gaze down at him, “Well, if that’s true then you came too late. Ganon’s already won meaning there is no longer a Hyrule to save. You weren’t here when we needed you most.”

Everyone in the Chain has your name memorized and it's not because they know you personally (you've actually never had the pleasure to meet), rather it's because of how often Sky gushes about the love of his life waiting for him back on Skyloft. Think of any pleasant word in the dictionary and that boy has probably used it at least a dozen times to describe you, be it to his brothers-in-arms or a poor shop clerk who was unfortunate enough to make a sale to him. There isn't a single negative thing Sky could associate with someone he believes to be as perfect as you. Even now, he's struggling to remove his rose-colored glasses to see the truth before him...

This is by far the worst problem the Chain has run into during their journey. Practically the second they walked through the last portal into a disastrous world of demolished forests and smoky skies, they were surrounded by a large army of moblins led by a familiar face Sky can’t say he ever missed. 

Ghirahim, despite being from a different version of Hyrule, is just as annoying and weird as Sky remembers. His minions had no difficulty grabbing a handful of heroes each where their shouts and kicking did nothing to prevent them from being taken to a dark castle on the edge of Faron, or at least what used to be it. Once there, they were promptly taken down to the dungeons, forced to listen to Ghirahim’s egocentric rambling during the whole descent until a new voice interrupted:

“What’s this?”

Sky cries out your name without any hesitation, the sight of you making him forget all about the current circumstances. He’s so happy to simply see you again that he doesn’t question right away how or why you’d even be here. Hell, it doesn’t even process that this wouldn’t be his version of you.

“Do I…know you?” The confused yet disgusted look you send him is what brings him back to reality, crushing his soul as you glance from him to Ghirahim in question, “Where did they come from?”

“Does it really matter? They’re just little rats who were found sticking their noses where they shouldn’t have,” He waves a dismissive hand before snapping his fingers which prompts the moblins to roughly toss each hero into a jail cell then slam the doors behind them.

You cross your arms, not pleased with Ghirahim’s poor explanation, “I’d say it does matter. There shouldn’t be loose Hylians running about. It’s important to know where they came from so that -”

“- So, that you run away and join your own kind?”

You shift uncomfortably at the accusation, “...No, I’m only worried how Demise will feel about this. There’s a reason he killed all unloyal Hylians, you know? What if one of these boys ends up being the prophesied hero, hmm? ‘can’t imagine Demise will be happy to know you took a chance letting his enemy go unnoticed because it ‘didn’t matter’.”

Ghirahim snarls, mumbling curses under his breath before ordering you to just make sure to keep watch over the prisoners while he talks to Demise. With a flip of his hair, he walks off, leaving you to pinch your nose in irritation.

The other heroes are quick to shout protests, yet Sky’s silent as he crawls his way back over to the door just to make sure his eyes aren’t playing tricks on him. It really is you - at least it looks like you as you make your rounds ensuring each cell is properly locked. All the while you look bored out of your mind. It’s only when you make your way to him that you pause to scoff, “What are you looking at? ‘got a concussion or something?”

“...You know, I have a version of you back in my own Hyrule,” Sky’s voice is soft as he meets your eyes not with hate like the others, but rather sympathy and sorrow, “They’re a knight on Skyloft and they’re the kindest, most generous person I know.”

You make a face at his strange comment, “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about -”

“- My point is, I know that like them - like my feather - you must be a good person deep down. I don’t believe you want to be evil, you’ve just made the choices you had to in order to survive during bad circumstances. You’re afraid, and that’s okay. Seeing how this Hyrule turned out, I don’t blame you, but if you help us, (Y/n) I promise I won’t let anything happen to you. We’ll protect you - you can come with us and we can find somewhere safe for you to -!”

“- There is nowhere safe! There isn’t a corner of this land Demise doesn’t control! You’re looking for light that doesn’t exist, so just give it a rest!” Sky’s cut off when you slam your fist against the wall next to his cell, yet contrary to your act of anger, there’s a great pain in your eyes as you look down at him, maybe even a few tears that are barely visible through the darkness, “...The faster you do, the safer you’ll be…”

You are from a whole different life than Twilight. Born into riches and raised by high nobility, you had no reason to take any more interest in a simple farm boy beyond his heroic title...but you did and always have. How did he manage you? Well, Twilight's been asking that question for years. Your parents feel conflicted, your friends often scowl, yet you still pull him away by the hand and kiss him slow in hidden corners during parties, confessing aloud how much you'd like to get away from all this stress of high standards and live in Ordon with him which is a dangerous thought that only makes him wonder how much longer he'll drag his feet. Could you truly be as happy as you say or should he leave well enough alone, after all you have everything. Why throw it all away for nothing? Until this point, Twilight hasn't been sure of that answer…

Time has warned the group before that they should be careful when it comes to approaching locals, concerning that too many strange questions about a shapeshifting lizard and mysterious portals might rub them the wrong way. Heeding his word, the boys have cautiously navigated their interrogations so as to not raise any unnecessary fears amongst those just trying to go about their days. Sure, they’ve still received some raised eyebrows or even glares here and there, but no reaction has ever been as extreme as this one.

“Who do you think you are, disrupting the peace of our tranquil town through baseless claims of monsters and beasts lurking beyond on our doorstep?! Why, we haven’t seen so much as a keese in decades, yet now you have caused innocent families to enter a frenzy worrying about Ganondorf’s return!”

If he wasn’t already so accustomed to the nonsense nobles can spew, Twilight would’ve rolled his eyes at this man’s dismissive speech. Judging on his own personal military and the gold that decorates every wall of his home, he’s clearly in very high standing here - a self-declared king of sorts, one would think based on his fancy robes and ringed fingers. It makes sense for him to be concerned about strangers spreading news of possible danger. Hylia forbid any townsfolk panic and leave for who else would there be to exploit in their absences?

“Strip them of their weapons,” The nobleman orders and there is nothing the handcuffed heroes can truly do as his guards obey, taking their swords, shields, and anything else that could be deemed useful for rebellion all while Time once again tries to appeal to the man’s reason.

“Father, what’s all of this about?” Negotiations (if they could be called that) are put on hold as another joins the party. While none of the other boys bat an eyelash, Twilight’s shocked to recognize the voice, nearly giving himself whiplash just to get a good look at you as you wander into the room with a rather bored look upon your face.

“Nothing to worry about, my dearest star. I will have this little situation taken care of shortly,” The nobleman���s voice changes dramatically when addressing you, suddenly laced with honey as a smile graces his face; a far contrast from the slim he directed towards the Chain earlier. Twilight doesn’t even feel bad that he hadn’t recognized him earlier. Even back in your shared Hyrule, he never paid much attention to your parents seeing as he was only returning the favor by doing so.

Although this you isn’t his own, Twilight still finds himself trying to catch your eye, hoping to appeal to your generosity because surely it’s a universal trait of yours. If anyone could call off your father’s hounds, it would be you, yet it seems Twilight is being too hopeful with that thought.

“Well hurry it up! My friends will be here soon and I don’t want to have to explain to them why my father has a bunch of filthy travelers sitting in our parlor!”

Twilight’s distracted from the horror he was about to feel upon hearing such harsh words leave your mouth when a guard begins emptying his pockets next.

“Hey -!” 

“- What do you have there? Show me.” 

The guard ignores Twilight’s protests in favor of bringing his findings up to his master, holding his hands out as if offering them on a silver platter, “A ring, shire -” 

“- Let me see!” You decide greedily, plucking the ring from the guard’s hand before he can hardly finish his sentence.

“Is it to your liking, my star? Consider it yours then.”

Twilight was about to object to your father’s offer which isn’t his to give, yet you beat him to it, turning the ring over in your palm a few times just to confirm your disgust, “...Nah. It’s hardly worth anything. I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing such a mediocre pebble.”

“Then give it back!” Twilight can’t help himself from shouting, the venom in his voice gaining him the surprised attention of everyone in the room.

“How dare you speak to my child in such a way you -?!”

“- Why?” You cut your father off, an amused smirk tugging at your lips as you make your way towards the cuffed man. Kneeling down, you match his height with the ring pinched between your fingers for him to see, your next words scoffed in his face, “Oooh, I get it: you’re planning on proposing to someone, aren’t you? What an unfortunate soul they must be for this to equal their supposed worth to you. Let me go ahead and save you the time: the answer’s ‘no’. No one in their right mind is ever gonna marry someone like you with a ring like this.”

Dropping the ring in front of him, you then walk away as he bows his head, yet you’d be shocked to know his reaction isn’t one of shame. 

Twilight has often doubted if you’d be happy with him, somehow convincing himself you’d be better off in the life you already have instead, yet seeing this version of you and their corrupted, twisted greed, those insecurities melt away because the you Twilight knows and loves isn’t this selfish. The you he loves begs your father to open his doors for innocent travelers and beams cheerfully at gifts. The you he loves would never judge any ring, in fact he’s now convinced you wouldn’t even notice one to begin with. You’d be too busy saying ‘yes’ to him, jewelry being a forethought in your mind compared to the promise of spending the rest of your life with your beloved farmhand.

[ooc-miqojak]

“I completely fall apart every time when Elisa says this line in Shape of Water: "When he looks at me, the way he looks at me... He does not know, what I lack... Or - how - I am incomplete. He sees me, for what I - am, as I am." Dating, love and sex is impossibly hard as a neurodivergent woman. I guess Monster Romance is most appealing for me when it explores relationships outside of established norm where in absence of shared cultural tropes our heroes have to consonantly compromise and communicate for it to work.”

This comment on this video made my eyes sting a lil bit - because it really hit home. I realized, after years of writing OCs...that I was writing people struggling with an inner monster over and over... and maybe that’s because that’s how I feel about my constant struggle with ADHD. Seeing that a monster can be loved... is, in its way, a ray of hope. You’re different - you’re weird, and people judge you, never giving you more than potentially even one chance... lambasting you for not being ‘normal’ at the first opportunity.

To be seen for who you are, and be loved in spite of societal expectations of what’s ‘normal’? Wouldn’t that be nice. To have someone take the time to understand that your ‘monster’ isn’t so monstrous - what a fairy tale ending that would be. Anyways, Princess makes good shit, you should watch her stuff.

[iloveyurirah]

Giving Punch Out boxers (minus Lil Mac) songs but they're randomized in my playlist and will probably have NOTHING related to them ^_^!

(The song meanings are given out. I got all of these from sites, please correct me if I'm wrong!)

—

Aran Ryan: Aishite ita no ni (Even Though I Had Loved You) by Materu (LMFAO????)

"There was this girl who was in a relationship with this guy ("Let's become one, both in body and in soul"), but because the relationship was too toxic("I loved you, I really loved you, yet you betrayed me"), they had to put an end to it ("Before it comes to an end, let's end it together"). So in the song, the girl mourns her relationship, singing ("I believed you, I really believed you. I loved you, I really loved you")."

— (by u/ILikeSalad_owo on Reddit!)

—

Bald Bull: Likey by TWICE (I'M CRYINF HELP)

"The agony of trying to elicit a social-media "like" from a crush, as well as the struggle of maintaining a beautiful social media image."

(who you trying to impress)

—

Bear Hugger: I Want You by Mitski (DAMN.)

"‘I Want You’ tells the poetic heartbreak of a relationship that was one-sided. The song includes lyrics that explain how there was an attempt to make the relationship last, however with lacking support this led to its inevitable downfall. Mitski’s melancholic vocals portray a tone to the listener, one that is filled with a despairing plea, an exhausted attempt to save their relationship one last time with the words, “I want you”."

(Who hurt you, Bear Hugger???)

—

Disco Kid: Basketbol by Viva HotBabes (HELP, A FILIPINO SONG THAT'S JUST ABOUT BASKETBALL???)

—

Don Flamenco: Guilty Pleasure by Chappell Roan (no comment 1, should've been another song)

"The song is filled with sexual allusions and the pretty unhealtry relationship she’s having; she refers to her partner as a “pothead” and she explores the “sexually fantasizing” theme. The guilty pleasure is associated to something that makes you feel good in spite of the shame that it might bring, in this case, the chagrin comes from her depthless relationship."

—

Glass Joe: Destroy Me by Mr. Kitty (I dunno bro! No comment!)

"About someone who is in a state of despair and looking for escape from the challenges of life. The song's lyrics express a deep sense of powerlessness in the face of life's struggles, and a desire for complete destruction as a way to break free. The narrator is asking another person to "hurt me," "fight me," "kill me," and "destroy me," in order to take away the pain and anguish they're feeling."

—

Great Tiger: Less Than Three.? (YOU LOVE ME TYPING OUT MY FANTASY) By Disko Warp

"The song is about a girl getting home from school then hopping online to anticipate her conversation with her online boyfriend."

(WHO'S THE ONLINE BOYFRIEND, TIGER???)

—

King Hippo: Catallena by Orange Caramel (WHY THE LESBIAN SONG—)

"The song shows fascination towards a charming "Catallena" woman in spite of being straight, singing, "She's so great, I've fallen for her / Even as a girl"."

—

Mr. Sandman: Suki! By Cho Tokimeki Sendenbu (CUTESY SONG.)

"It emphasizes the intensity of emotions experienced when infatuated with another person. With each repetition of the word “suki,” meaning “love,” a wave of overwhelming feelings floods the listener. It’s as if the song captures the heart’s racing beats and the giddy happiness that love induces, conveying the sheer magnitude of infatuation."

—

Piston Hondo: Tell Me by Wonder Girls (wuh.)

"A song about a girl who has fallen in love." (TYPICAL! Yet still a banger)

—

Soda Popinski: Favorite by Isabel LaRosa (damn thrist trap song)

"The song shows the sesire to be cherished, chosen and favored by her romantic partner, emphasizing themes of desire and possessiveness." (help me)

—

Super Macho Man: The Bad Touch by Bloodhound Gang (????????gyat)

"A song playful and provocative exploration of human sexuality, likening it to animal behavior." (guh)

—

Von Kaiser: Your Best American Girl by Mitski (NO, WHAT THE HELL)

"The song represents the turmoil that one feels when they experience a relationship that brings them great joy, but also must come to terms with the fact that they are different from their new partner on a multitude of levels and they are likely committing to a fantasy. Mitski says that this song was inspired by “wanting so badly to fit into this very American person’s life, and simply not being able to, just fundamentally being from a different place and feeling like I would just get in the way of their progression in their life."

(First post btw! Hope it isn't too messy :' )

[braddourifscareertrajectory]

Re: the Lucanis romance content or lack thereof, I feel like if it had been fleshed out to where I knew it was intentional, Lucanis’s abrupt transition from the earlier flirt options to the locked-in romance dynamic could’ve been an interesting conflict in the relationship? It makes sense that someone who’s made it into adulthood without any romantic relationships might… miss a few steps. And not realize you can’t expect someone to know what’s going on in your head. A part of me wished my Rook had an ??? option to some of the romance-triggered companion banter just for my own amusement. (But I also wanted an option to that effect in Bull’s dragon tooth scene in DAI) Bioware, get back to your roots and let my characters have a shitty what are we argument while Solas looks on from his Fade Prison like 😐 pls

Yeah, I agree - I don't think its inherently bad that he's so...unresponsive, or reluctant or awkward, or however you want to interpret it. It actually creates a lot of potential for tension and narrative. I think the issue lies in the lack of explanation or even acknowledgement of the situation - it feels like there's an actual chunk of the romance missing in a way. There's also a conspicuous lack of figuring out what Spite means in all of this, which is...weird. Especially after Anders lol. Idk. I feel like people are doing a whole lot with headcanon to fill in the gaps, which is fine, but for me I feel like the base romance should be a full meal and headcanon and inference the dessert. Coming from Bull* - who, while being a very particular vibe that isn't for everyone, you can't deny has a full romance arc with a logical progression to a more emotional, fulfilling end state - it feels notably lacking.

And in a way it's not even a lack of content - you can do a LOT with very little content, as the Solasmance proved. But the Lucanis romance seems to struggle with progression, and how it wants to get from point A to point C so it just sort of awkwardly skips B and hopes people won't care. Which then creates the issue of point C feeling unearned. It's just a very bizarre choice.

*i also still have so many questions about that necklace and everything, i'm still half convinced he just made it up bc he loves dragons lmao, like who is wearing that bull. come on.

[elysiumblue]

Pick a card - What do you need to know? 🥴

Felt drawn to do a general reading asap so I did one. I don't really know what to write for the intro so maybe just jump straight to the reading lmao.

Remember, as this is a general reading, please take what resonates and leave the rest behind. Hope this reading can help you clear things up and provide you with the information you needed to move to a better place in life.

👇🏻 Pick a color you felt drawn to 👇🏻

And find the corresponding reading for you below!

Pile 1

You have the suspicion that someone is plotting on you and damn you're so right. You may feel that it's so draining to be with someone in your life as you always thinking that they're hating you, or hoping the worst for you. It feels like every day that the person in your social circle, or every moment you spend with that person is a torture, as you don't want to anger them or make them jealous of you (then plotting more crap on you). Even posting on social media feels like walking on thin ices. You feel really restricted and have to fight thru so many worries every time you want to do a thing, as you feel like they're watching.

However, even living in such a restrictive environment, you still want to become better. You hate to live in someone else's shadow, have the rest of your life controlled by others, or have to drag the weight of someone else's problems around for your whole life. You want to be better, be good enough to break free from the situation, and yeah, you're going to do it. And wait, even better, you're going to break free of the people or community that you don't want to care about anymore, and shine so brightly alone.

You may question how is it possible for you to pull this off, and I have to tell you that you have so much energy inside you, waiting for you to burn it and make something real big. It seems that you're always rejecting negativity, thinking that all they can do is to bring a big black fog to your life. However, the big pile of negativity can act as an excellent source of inspiration and motivation at the same time. For example, you can use your worries and sorrow as inspirations for art, and the fear of not going to make it/ pessimism to motivate you to put 120% effort, so you can make sure that you must and will succeed.

I can see that you may be deterred by the low quality of work and the lack of skills in the beginning. It seems that success is so far away and so unlikely to happen to you. However, you have to understand that you have to start somewhere, and no one is a master in the beginning of their journey. Even DaVinci needed to learn painting from someone in the beginning of his journey. Don't be deterred by the progress. As long as you keep trying, you are making progress every day. No matter how small the progress is, learn to appreciate it. If it's not motivating for you enough, then think of winning to spite those whose messing with you. Win so fucking hard so that they can realize how big of an L they're taking by not appreciating you in the past. Also, I heard that the harder you win, the faster those people will receive their karma? Is it motivating for you enough lol.

Pile 2

I can see this pile is so hopeless in getting a lover and a love reading is the least you want to hear about. But, love is on its way for you! You probably the type that believes that you will never find a lover in the rest of your life, and believe that you are absolutely fine and cool with it. However, you low key wish to get into a relationship at the same time, as you keep helping your friends in their relationships by giving them advices and listening to their vents. You kinda want to try it yourself but you really feel that it's too much effort and you're not wasting any energy on getting into trouble yourself. For some of you, I can also see that you've gone thru a real tough relationship in the past. That may even be a divorce for some of you. So getting into a relationship again is the last thing you want to do.

No matter how unwilling you want to be in a relationship, I can see that you're going to have the opportunity to meet a potential lover, as it's a reward for you for going thru and completing a cycle. You probably spent so much time to undo the pain of an event, or the thing may be so long ago that you don't even remember that it happened, and left an impact on you. No matter you remember you've done your work or not, you will be paid regardless as you did the work.

You may think that you are not hot enough for anyone to like you, and you also can't see anyone that will have the potential to develop any feelings towards you. However, it will just happen and you don't even have to do a thing to make it work. Don't sabotage it if this is actually what you hoped for. Don't complicate the situation by bringing the past to the present. You can act passive and take things slowly, so you can clear your doubt. As long as you understand that this is a whole new cycle and you're in a completely new chapter of your life, then you're fine.

Pile 3

You are obsessed with someone. If this is not your situation, then this may not be your pile, or maybe this is not even the reading for you. You are so obsessed with someone and you keep hoping and thinking that you can be in a romantic relationship with them. However, you feel that your connection is stuck, and stagnated, and you don't have the energy to push it forward even though you want things to work so badly.

Instead of pushing the connection forward, which is not an option as you don't have enough energy to pull it off, you may find yourself indulging in past memories with that person, and making decisions based on outdated assumptions. Some of you probably haven't talked for years, but you still thinking that they will just respond and go out on a date with you if you finally have the courage to talk to them, because you remember the time that you two got along so well years ago.

It may be a depressing news for you, but the thing you need to know is this connection is not going to anyway. It can be hard yo believe, but this is actually the best outcome for this connection. The obstacle, the big stop sign on the path, is to protect you from something worse. It may be the person is actually a shitty person, or you have a better future ahead of you instead of spending your time with that person.

Also, you really need this connection to die, as it's draining so much energy from you. You're lost and unable to even feel joy anymore. It seems that nothing matters anymore. You will find out that it's not the case, as you will discover lots of joy around you as soon as you try to pull yourself away from the obsession. Then, you will start to heal, and become the master of your own mind and emotions again.

It's so much better to be able to make yourself happy, instead of betting your happiness on others, as it's so difficult to make others do things the way you want them to. Having yourself to do the job instead can dramatically decrease the effort you have to spent on getting an enjoyable life.

(Some of you may be spamming that person's phone and they're thinking that you're annoying... But the real one will not feel annoyed by you. They will be so happy to hear from you... so, maybe they're really not the one.)

[blazeeblake]

*small disclaimer since I know things are a little wild/pressure cookery atm: this is by no means a call or rallying cry or whatever to go after people that don’t agree with me or anything like that, this is just how I feel. We’re all looking at the same thing from different vantage points and there’s going to be things that don’t line up or even clash. It’s all good. I saw something essentially saying that it’s [unhinged? Too much? A sign someone needs to touch grass] if someone decides they’re done with the show if the pairing doesn’t happen in canon, and honestly? *tired shrug* I get that no one is owed anything from fiction, but I think you’re allowed to be frustrated when valid tropes and narrative structures don’t pay off, especially when there aren’t many places to turn to for the kinds of stories someone still in the proverbial margins might be looking for. As long as you don’t go around attacking the real life people acting/writing out/reasonably enjoying this fiction, it’s cool to be bothered and make an exit. I see something I don’t like here? I mute it and move on, no harm no foul. I’m giving myself and strangers space to feel how we feel and not catch hell for it. Fiction is supposed to be enjoyable, and by all means if you don’t enjoy something feel free to unpack that and work it out, but in the meantime you can also wash your hands of something, even if it’s just temporary. Life is too short and this is too minor to choose this kind of misery for the sake of being someone else’s definition of “getting it.”

I will also say, q*eerb*iting (yeah, I’m partially censoring it because I’m always kind of nervous and tetchy bringing up a phrase that’s been very loaded for a long time and incorrectly used in the worst of instances) doesn’t go away just because a show already has some good representation. I don’t have the energy or the credentials to go on at length about how, for better or for worse and in spite of its continued censorship/marginalization, wlw representation has typically come easier to major network productions than mlm representation, especially when the actors are conventionally handsome male leads; I also don’t want to get into the lack of queer men being allowed to show the same amount of physical intimacy as wlw and straight couples on said show, but that’s there too.

and finally, yeah, as a queer Black woman, I am happy for the representation I’ve got and am getting more recently in this instance, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t love to see a queer relationship get the same treatment as all the straight couples (who started as friends or coworkers or rivals) that I’ve seen get after multiple seasons of speculation and hope.

You’re allowed to want more or better, you’re allowed to get frustrated, just make sure you don’t hurt anyone (including yourself).

[alevolpe]

Answering your ask about not giving up a ship on Twitter (what is my i will hang on, teeth and claws). And ive really gotten into multi shipping lately. That all the scouts (the age appropriate ones) are in love with each other. The outers and the inners live separately, but only cuz its hard to find a house that big where they are. (But true to my big fat greek wedding style, thier houses are in a row and they can always see each other)🤣🥰

I have nothing against senshi poly-cule, I think it's fun!

It's not my go-to, but I'm not against it. I like to think some senshi having differing levels of friendship, attraction and respect toward each other.

I'll actually give my opinion on each individual ship. If I think they work, why they do or don't work and why I like them if they do. (p.s. Mamo is not included here, but I do tend to default ship UsaMamo, even if it's pretty poorly written most of the time)

Long post ahead! Hope you appreciate this, it took me a ton of time and I suck at writing.

BEFORE YOU READ THIS, THESE ARE MY OPINIONS, BASED ON MY HEADCANONS/CHARACTER INTERPRETATIONS WITH A BIT OF CANON SPRINKLED HERE AND THERE ( I do not want to see you typing " ..but x character is straight.." , I will come to your house and steal al the toilet paper!!!)

Let's start with Usagi:

(I'll mostly focus on the other side of the party, cause I honestly believe Usagi would be happy with anyone, being able to work though personal preferences more than most people)

🌙💧UsagixAmi: I can see it! They are actually a guilty pleasure ship of mine, they are super cute, and I think they would both respect and love each other enough to work through some stability issues in the relationship. Mostly stemming from not being able to spend enough time with each other. I see Usagi as very clingy and needing to interact physically and emotionally with her partner on a regular basis. While Ami would have the patience to deal with the more emotional moments from Usagi, aka immaturity. This ship works for me, though it needs work from both parties to keep a healthy balance.

🌙🔥UsagixRei: I... don't really see it.. srry. Ik people love it and ik it's an amazing friendship, but I just can't see them interacting healthly on a daily basis. Rei is incredibly independent, while Usagi really isn't. Which is totally fine if matched with the right partner, but Rei would just end up being too frustrated and her love for Usagi would just turn into spite. She needs her space and tbh, she really needs someone who could drop her like a hot potato if the case need be. Overall, an AMAZING friendship, wouldn't work in a relationship. Rei as a friend is just too different from Rei as a lover, and that Rei is not made to be with Usagi.

🌙⚡️UsagixMakoto: I can kind of see it, like AmixUsagi. My only real issue would stem from the fact that Ami has a lot more patience than Mako. Mako is a caretaker, she loves and thrives taking care of others, but she does get frustrated by Usagi's occasional lack of emotional control. Leading me to think Mako would prefer someone with more emotional maturity, tho she would never admit it, or even consciously relate to it as a preference she's looking for in a partner. Tho them cuddling, eating and chilling out would actually work really well, cause I do already see them being very affectionate platonically too. Ship's cute, but quite flawed, would need a LOT of work from both parties do last any significant amount of time and pressure.

🌙💛UsagixMinako: this one's complicated. On one side, yes! I can see it working quite well, on another.. it's a complete disaster. Let me explain. If you were to ask me if I think that Mina and Usagi could work as a couple, I would say yes. They are both very fun, loving, care free gals, who are both emotionally intelligent (Usagi is emotionally intelligent, not mature) and who are very aware of each other's feelings. On the other hand you're asking me if Mina, the leader of a superhero team, the one who's hands would be stained with blood if anything were to ever happen to any of her subordinates, if she would be willing to completely set aside her relationship when it comes to a fundamental rift in ideologies between her and her princess. I don't think Mina would be strong enough to put herself through that, to hurt Usagi when she knows it would be the inevitable, over and over. You cannot save everyone and while she can say that has her leader, I think she could not muster to say it as a lover. Overall cute, if extremely dramatic given the senshi angle, but I don't think it would work.

🌙🗡UsagixHaruka: no. Just no. They are both immature emotional wrecks ready to pass by the McDonald's drive through for a happy meal. They are quite similar in a lot of ways and while I see their friendship as something very precious, they would not work as lovers.

🌙🌊UsagixMichiru: I think I said it quite well once, so I'll reuse it in this situation. "If Michiru had met Usagi instead of Haruka back in S, I think Michiru would've walked into traffic by sunset". Ok, all seriousness, no. I personally find it really hard to see Michiru with anyone that isn't Haruka, let alone someone that isn't a butch lesbian. So, nah, sorry.

🌙🕒UsagixSetsuna: my hc Setsuna is very different from canon Setsuna. I don't see her with anyone. She's just Pluto.

Ami

💧🔥AmixRei: the only way I can see this ship working is in a first fling type of way. Like 2 inexperienced teens wanting to give love a chance with another pretty girl, while being awkward af mfs. If we're talking about them dating after being friends for a long time, I don't see it being stable. Ami is incredibly intelligent, but more like booksmart, not really people smart, while Rei is the literal incarnation of a jigsaw puzzle covered in spikes. There would be little to no direct and clear communication between the two, Rei would feel frustrated like no other cause her 'signs' are CLEARLY SO OBVIOUS MIZUNO! Meanwhile Ami just can't deal with brain games in a romantic relationship (mostly stemming from my autistic Ami hc), with the person she would share a house with.. uh.. l think not, sorry. In the end, I see it working for a bit as a first relationship that ends in them staying close friends, but not anything long-term.

💧⚡️AmixMakoto: AAAHHh, ok I get a chance to talk about them. I'LL KEEP IT BRIEF! I love them, you know this already. They are very simple, direct and loving partners. They have the most boring, loving, drama free, cuddle and love filled relationship in the universe. It's boring, but idc, it's just pure fluff and I love them. The only argument I could see them getting into, on rare occasions, is Ami being Ami and being way too busy for her own good. Mako is a caretaker, yes, but she also wants to be taken care of and spend quality time with her lover. I can see Mako getting silent angry when Ami picks up one too many shifts, while also feeling a bit guilty about it, cause she knows how much her job means to Ami. They would talk and work through it slowly, day by day. Ok, anyhow, love them, NO NOTES!

💧💛AmixMinako: sorry, I think people who follow me are sick of hearing this, but one more time for the people in the back. I do not see Ami and Minako as being good friends. They eventually come to being able to interact one on one without wanting to blow the other's brains off, but I do not ever think they would come to any mutual attraction. It's a bit of a hot take on my part, but I have no issue seeing Mina as a bit of a bully. She loves attention, she knows Ami is an easy target, she bothers Ami, Ami gets mad. Most often silent mad. She eventually does start to snide back, even quite smartly! But they would rarely have that one to one moment I see almost every single one of the girls coming to throughout their friendship. So.... I don't see it, but it's mostly due to my unique perspective of each character.

💧🗡AmixHaruka: AHAHAHAHAHA. ur funny.

💧🌊AmixMichiru: you can refer to my reasoning on UsagixMichiru, srry Ami, you just ain't her type (not butch enough). Though, I do see them becoming really good friends as adults, once Michiru decided to chill tf out and act like a human being and Ami learns a bit more about 'how-to-human 101'. No, no's the answer. I don't see it.

💧🕒AmixSestuna: refer to UsagixSestuna.

Rei

🔥⚡️ReixMakoto: I can see y people like them.. but I can't help but see them driving each other crazy. Rei does not need a caretaker, why would she want a home-made lunch every day, if ramen cups were on sale 10 for 10$, like.. hello!? Ok for real, I can't see it. (Srry Ik I'm breaking so many hearts rn). They are too independent and honestly, they are also two real dumb hardheads when they want to be. Their problems would mostly stem from caretaking and activity coordination, they would fight over everything unless they write down a plan and schedule to stick to it. Also small side note, Rei is really not the cuddly person, while Mako is quite the opposite so that would feel pretty hard to make work without making one feel uncomfortable or the other feel unloved. So, overall, great friendship, but they cannot be living together without a peace maker to ensure they don't eat each other alive.

🔥💛ReixMinako: YES! they got it all! Fluff, check. Drama, check. Interesting and layered dynamics, check. Complex yet comprehensible human to senshi spectrum, check! Funny, CHECK! Even tho Makoami is my personal fav ship, these two (along with Harumichi) are my must ship. Like I NEED to see this, why is no1 making this in canon?! I love how layered their dynamics are, from being the leader and second in command, yet being emotionally mature enough to separate their human counter-parts from their duties, while still truly caring for each other in their own unique way. Getting on each other's nerves, giving off the vibes that they could either be 2 seconds away from kicking each others' asses to taking it to the bedroom (it's impossible to tell the difference). They are just supremely interesting, both alone, but especially together. I could go on and on, but I seriously have no notes, it is just ENDLESS possibilities and endless entertainment.

🔥🗡ReixHaruka: they're two dumb gays. I do not see either of them finding any attractive traits about the other. It's just really that simple and I don't have much to comment on it.

🔥🌊ReixMichiru: again it goes to the attraction factor mostly, though I can see Rei finding Michiru attractive, if a bit psychotic (lol, it's part of the charm). I would love to explore a relationship between the two, and I prob will in the future, but it will just default to platonic. This is really kind of it tho, the major factor for me not shipping a lot of stuff is that I tend to default to friendship instead of romance, cause they both act and feel very differently from each other.

🔥🕒ReixSestuna: r.r.r.r.... refeeeeerrrrr to UsagixSetsuna. Thank you for listening to Meioh102.5 back to you Bill.

Makoto

⚡️💛MakotoXMinako: I love their friendship!... thas about it tho. My major issue is Makoto not being able to keep up with Mina, she would need someone more mellow and low key. Unlike Mako, Rei is not afraid to tell Minako NO, while Mako easily guilts herself from denying attention or needs from her partner to give herself some space. I usually default them as being best friends basically (childhood friends in hc), but thinking about anything long term for them would just make me feel for Mako. Mina needs constant attention and distraction, which is honestly a bit out of her control also, but still draining for anyone who is not 100% willing to put their foot down or have enough energy to match hers. So, great great great friendship, I love how they play off of each other, but being in a relationship, living in the same house... would turn into chaotic exhaustion and desperation.

⚡️🗡MakotoxHaruka: I don't see it. I'm happy to see Mako having Haruka as possibly her first gay awakening, but I tend to think that's as far as it goes (while I see Mako as BI, I do think she looks for different attributes she finds attractive for each gender, mostly looking for more masculine attributes in guys and more feminine attributes in women). I also tend to imagine they have an almost irrational hate-on for each other for a while, 'til they chill out and become sparring buddies, so I find it hard to factor in a relationship on top of that. Kind of a pass for me.

⚡️🌊MakotoxMichiru: i feel like I'll be repeating myself a lot here, so I'll skip to it. TLDR; you ain't Michiru's type. I can see an underrated friendship that could spur after year of reconciliation, but it would stop at a platonic boundary.

⚡️🕒MakotoxSetsuna: I'm def repeating myself. Though, I'd actually love to see them sewing together, that'd be adorable.

Minako

💛🗡MinakoxHaruka: no, I don't see it at all, sorry. They are buddies. Haruka's Mina emotional wreck puppy, she loves her and must protect her at all cost, but would prob hate to have to deal with in a romantic relationship. Haruka can match Mina's energy and spirit, but in a much more charming and almost naïve package. I see the two hanging out on a Friday night enjoying some cheap beer lovingly complaining/gushing about their partner to each other.

💛🌊MinakoxMichiru: ahah, this one's quite funny too. You're lucky if they aren't trying to kill the other. They are just too smart for their own good and they are really the only senshi who refuse to see each other for anything less than Minako as Sailor Venus and Michiru as Sailor Neptune. Like when I say Mina and Ami don't get along, they are still considering each other as basically 4 different individuals (human and senshi), in order to prioritize the mission and in a way as a coping mechanism. But Michiru and Minako, even when they do manage to be in the same room not sniping at each other, they still refer to each other as their senshi selves, even if the name they are calling is their human name. ... srry that was a tangent, yeah, I don't see it at all. Sorry, I don't really have much interesting left to say.

💛🕒MinakoxSetsuna: this one's sort of popular weirdly enough.. I don't really get it, but yeah, refer to UsagixSetsuna.

The Outers

🗡🌊HarukaxMichiru: I mean, what can I even say about this one that hasn't been said already a million times. I consider them the true miracle romance of the show (yes, I like Usamamo, but Harumichi is much better written). I adore how they play off the stereotypical femme and butch roles, while saying yes, but actually no and just doing their own unique thing instead. I find Michiru's fascination with Haruka uniquely intriguing, with Michi being such a complicated character onto herself and Haruka being deceivingly simple-minded. They don't seem like characters that were made just for being with each other; their motivations, experiences and morals are quite different, yet they collide so beautifully and seamlessly. I love everything about them, such a good blend of fluff, drama, tragedy and romance. NO. NOTES.

🌊🗡🕒🎇Outers family (SetsHaruMichi) (with kid Hotaru): ok, extremely hot take incoming, get ready cause I don't think ur gonna like it... I'm not a big fan of the happy outers family. Sorry, I don't hate it (in fact I find it pretty cute), but it's just not what I default to. Let me put aside Setsuna for a second and just explain it plain and simple that I just simply see her as an omniscient being not interested in an corporeal relationship that could interfere with her mission. She's just not human like the others are. Now, let me talk about Hotaru real quick. I've got some problems with her character in general, but that doesn't really matter. I just can't deal with having a character that powerful at a ready for plot convenience, it just kills all the tension and bloats the cast. The only way I'm ok with Michiru and Haruka caring for Hotaru is having them come to the decision themselves. No pushing from the other senshi, no guilt-tripping and no senshi duty related bs. Hotaru is a regular child now with a dead father, the decision is on them to adopt this child or to let her move on to another loving family, otherwise I just can't see it as anything else but 2 almost child murderers redeeming themselves by caring for the child they tried to kill and that just isn't healthy for nobody. Anyhow, not really a ship, but sort of counts, I could like it, but rewrite Hotaru. Give the kid some justice, damn it!

[oathofkaslana]

hi hi hi leeeee :] as a colleiwarrior it is my duty to ask about collei o7 and if you want to do it id like to hear your thoughts about xiao too hehe

HAI PLUTO!!!! ill do collei and then xiao :3

Collei:

First impression:

OHHH I LOVE HER ALREADY SHE'S SO SNARKY AND HER LORE IS SO COMPELLING....... very very excited to see her in game i hope she comes out soon (<- had to wait like what. two/three years????)

Impression now:

gives me brain worms my God. i think i've thought about her too much bc theres so many lil symbols that i associate w her that just aren't intentional in the slightest. she has so so so much lovea nd heart in her and i wishhhh people understood her better. also extremely disappointed in her in-game writing for multiple reasons but like. the ableism and misogyny being a big one. :( colleination could fix her...... i wish she were more mean in the game.

Favorite moment:

her fight w kaeya and the subsequent "confrontation" w amber....... makes me so so sick in the head that was The original collei trio to me. i looove how it plays w all three of their characters even if it isn't shown very well. it's also the basis for a lot of my interpretation of collei since it shows the extent of her beliefs/lack of belief. dear god..... it's so so good.

Idea for a story:

i've talked abt wt spin off au and windblume rewrite a bunch on this blog so let's go with amber and collei liyue trip!! :DD someone comes and tells amber they heard something about her grandfather in qingce while collei's in town and obv collei's like i can't hold you back on this! so they jsut decide to go together bc collei's packed a bag anyways and they're both adept w survival skills surely their different skills will come in handy for liyue. going to qingce leads them to going to yilong port (i'd do qiaoying but i feel like its too close) and amber's like. kinda stumbling w her broken canto-mando and feeling weirdly emotional and she and collei both bond w "coming back" to a generational homeland while feeling like a stranger and its an important moment to both of them bonding as friends and a pivitol point of collei changing her idea of amber as a savior as more of amber as a best friend yk :''). also ga-ming....... i don't know if he'll stay for long bc honestly i do want it to focus on amber and collei but i think it'd be fun for him to at least make an appearance or sm yk!! the narrative there could be so compelling.

Favorite relationship:

........................okay yeah obv it's amber and collei aksjbdkbsdja BUT. her and cyno are a close second :]

Favorite headcanon:

SNAKE MOMENT. i have a moment in my wt spin off au where she tends to a snake in spite of a phobia of them and it's representative of her first step towards healing AND her caring for her younger self even if she's still wrapped in so much hatred of her. also trans (she/her) lesbian.

Xiao:

First impression:

he's so sad :(( i want him please come home.... he has so so much heart and he doesn't even know it because of his own grief and guilt and objectification of himself :(( he's bruce-coded FUCK.

Impression now:

MAKES ME VIOLENT. i love him so so bad i miss him all the time. his story is soooo entangled with grief and acceptance and every little step he takes reflects that. he's such a fun character bc it's kinda a study on what comes after the tragic hero's story yk? except the tragedy is in part because he lives! he feels so so much and has such a big hear tbut denies it any priority bc it's easier not to. :((

Favorite moment:

PERILOUSWS TRAILS CUTSCNEe......... MY GOD. DERA GHODDD. FUCK. it makes me so so sick in the head that entire quest. xiao so readily sacrificing himself for the others because it's his duty to and because its what all his loved ones did. him closing his eyes and accepting it and finding comfort in the fact that he knows what happened to bosacius and that he's following his footsteps. him being saved and being surprised but That being such a key moment to his grieving process. also the poem from the waterborne poetry event :'') (aka the only part of that event that matters). it referencing all of the yakshas :'''''') and talking of him missing them

Idea for a story:

i don't have an actual story w xiao in mind... i would loooove to see another story quest w him and the other adepti though :''') i wanna see him in the past so so bad :C

Favorite relationship:

him and zhongli! :] they're both characters whos stories are about grief but both have different timelines to it and i think that's so so interesting especially when you remember how zhongli showed no emotion during the archon war and how his depart from his duty was his final stage of grief (acceptance) whereas xiao plunged himself into duty and emotional repression as a means to cope with all the grief and guilt and pain that he feels.

Favorite headcanon:

i think the wangshu inn staff gives him li xi sometimes and he's just like "i am literally older than you please stop i have no need for this" but he keeps it anyways. they have a small room saved for him at all times just in case he ever wants it (he never takes it but he appreciates it). <- its small bc he'd die if it was an open space.

[justagalwhowrites]

Re: my last comments about wanting to reread Lavender.

Have you ever thought about any differing OG Lavender-verse where Joel does get over his shit a little quicker? I’m still mad at him for *spoilers* being mad at her for not telling him about the thing. Like it’s so reasonable that she was going to but *things* got in the way. And what she went through to TRY to keep everybody safe… ugh. It’s telling how traumatized he is that he couldn’t get it together but I think sometimes he was too hardheaded.

Also, I never thought about it but as you say in the AU he’s her everything. That’s me & my now husband. He was older (6 years, not crazy) and my first and only. Now 16 years later and married and still very happy, maybe I appreciate that story element bc I relate ❤️

Hi Bestie!!

I'm going to go in reverse order kinda because part of this reply is gonna be REAL long lol!

That's so sweet with you and your husband!!! I'm so happy that you can relate to that and that you found that with him, that's so lovely <3

Spoilers for Lavender below the cut!

So there were a few points where things could have diverged in the OG Lavender-verse. The big one being, Doc doesn't lose the baby. He would still be traumatized as fuck and their relationship would be rocky but they may never fully break up (or, if they did, it wouldn't be for as long because Evie would force them to see each other and they couldn't keep their hands each other if they had to be around each other often.) Their relationship would have been ROCKY though and I'm not sure it would have lasted as Evie grew closer to adulthood.

There were some other points where things could have been different, too. The first time Doc leaves the QZ and it's just her and Joel and they run into raiders on the way back? By that point, Joel was kind of at this tipping point. He was so shaken by the near loss of her - and they'd just slept together the night before and had been in such close proximity for more than a day by that point - that he was very nearly ready to try to get her to give him another shot. Her freak out about the raiders - and her snapping and telling him that Sarah's death was NOT on her - pushed him the other way. Now if they'd gotten back together here, I'm not sure it would have stuck for long? She may have latched on tighter and not let him pull away when he started to devolve again but otherwise, he'd still be coping with a lot of the same trauma brain shit he was otherwise and it would have taken its toll.

Another time was after McCarthy comes to the QZ, when he finally knows everything that happened during the outbreak and feels so guilt ridden about it all. If they'd had sex that night, they'd have been together again at least for a while. But trauma brain Joel would have come along to ruin the party again.

The big thing is, the QZ was an inherently retraumatizing place to be, especially for Joel (the militarized power, being surrounded by death, etc.) and his brain going "HEY CARING ABOUT SOMEONE IN A PLACE LIKE THIS WILL LEAD TO YOUR DEATH" would, at the very least, make their relationship's survival a constant fucking struggle. The reason it sticks later is a combination of things. 1) He's at this unique point of "she's leaving and you will never see her again, you are losing her, this is the end" that forces him to admit just how much he cares about her in spite of trying to push her away for so many years. It also forces him to realize just how desperate he is to keep from losing her. He can't live without her, proximity (or lack there of) won't change that for him. 2) They're forced to stay together and work together to get Ellie to where she needs to go, so things that might normally force distance can't. She can't run to Andrew, he can't run to Tess, they can only turn to each other and they do. 3) They end up in Jackson, which is a far more healthy environment than the QZ, and - outside of shit like KC and stuff with the fireflies and a few blips along the way - the trek west is relatively peaceful compared to QZ life. Yes they're under threat and cautious and it's a struggle to survive BUT you're not being held at gunpoint by agents of the state and burning the bodies of dead children on the regular, a vast improvement over QZ life (and obviously major triggers for Joel.) This gives Joel some emotional space to come to terms with his trauma and start to heal and recover, pulling him out of this cycle of constant retraumatization. It's like with Maslow's hierarchy of needs. QZ Joel could never make it past that first level, when he constantly felt like his life was at risk he can't do the bigger work of healing and self actualizing. All his emotional energy is spent on survival. Once he has the space to do it, he can start to heal and be a partner to Doc.

ANYWAY I know I basically wrote a super long novel here lol! I hope it makes sense (and know that my interpretation is NOT the only valid one!!! It's definitely OK to be like "nah I think if they'd done x differently it would have worked.") I definitely get sad about all their lost years from time to time but I'm so glad they found their way back to each other in the end.

Thank you for reading and for reaching out!! Love you!!!

[elfcollector]

No need to share if you don't want to, but if you want to talk about your characters' genders/sexualities I'd love to hear about them!

i LOVE to talk about my kids!

i'm just gonna go down the list; if i don't mention someone here, assume they're bi and cis and that their relationship to their gender/sexuality/etc. just doesnt have enough in there to make me wanna talk about it

alia is bi and has a ( hand wiggles ) relationship with gender; some of it's just the inherent trauma of how elven women are treated causing her to want to reject some of it, some of its a true - ish form of gender dysphoria ( one of the few bad parts about having enough to eat now is that she fills out properly and starts having tits ) and most of it's a combo of the two. she identifies as a woman and that's unlikely to change, if only because she lacks other language, but internally she prefers androgynous terms of address, something zevran picks up early.

johana is a cis lesbian! her family and much of court doesn't approve!

natia is a cis woman and bi but like. she feels a similar 'being a woman in the commonly understood sense has created in me a lot of a trauma' thing to what alia does, but natia leans harder into BEING a woman because of it, as a way to spite the ones that sought to make her womanhood bad. she's not particularly feminine, it's not like that; it's more like she doesn't feel any innate sense of her own womanhood but she CHOOSES IT very intentionally. it's not a gender identity it is a gender CHOICE.

eilonwy is a cis woman and bi, but she has a DRAMATIC preference for women. gay until provoked

adahli is a trans woman and bi with a fairly significant preference for men!

sion is a GNC cis bi woman; she gets increasingly butchy as time passes. despite both being bi she and merrill do sort of look like the platonic ideal of a lesbian butch/femme couple

ahvir is agender, uses she/they, and is bi. no real preference for any particular gender, but does have a lot of internalized homophobia related to her attraction to men due to childhood trauma involving a girl she was in love with

isala is a trans woman and she did her own bottom surgery! she learned blood magic to do her own bottom surgery! bi, preference for men

dhea'mis is a trans woman. isn't particularly interested in bottom surgery, likes her dick just fine. so does josephine. bi, but with a minor preference for women.

marigold is a cis lesbian! falls in love with sera basically at first sight.

alexei is a cis gay man with terrible taste.

inessa beats gender with a STICK! she has no gender, but still uses she/her because using others would be more work than she cares about. bi, preference for men, has INSANELY high standards (you need to be at least as much of a revolutionary as she is, which is a hard to standard to meet)

dove doesn't use labels and finds them stifling, but she doesn't feel that gender is a meaningful part of her identity and she feels attraction to people of all genders. she falls under the ace umbrella

daiynn is a she/they/occasionally it, bi, minor preference for men! serana beat all the odds because shes perfect

xin yi doesn't use labels but she's almost exclusively attracted to women. cis woman but in the sense that she just doesn't give a shit

noe uses they/them, tho is okay with 'she' from people they're very close to. no real gender identity aside from "null." or maybe just "monster." either way! prefers masc folks but is attracted to everybody in practice

rue uses all and any pronouns, does not give a shit, and identifies as every gender at once. she is a girl when she's ciel's girlfriend. he is a boy when they are romeo's best bro. they are none of the above when they are hanging out. doesn't matter. experiences romantic attraction extremely rarely; ciel was really the first person he'd ever really felt that towards. does have a type for mysterious white-haired girls, tho

ena uses she/they, but prefers they broadly speaking. bi!

soma is a girl that's a guy. a dude that's a gal. uses she/they pronouns for herself but really doesn't care what you do, has no sense of their gender identity or of gender mattering to that identity. bi, no preference.

jetta is a cis bi woman who uses she/they! preference for ladies :D

quinn is agender and bi!

valda is bi and transfem. as far as attraction goes, they've got a bit of a preference for masculinity but no real preference regarding actual gender

andi is nonbinary and bi

erin is a cis lesbian but has just genuinely godawful taste

blake is agender and, while i wouldn't call them transmasc, they do prefer dressing masculinely and would rather be called your boyfriend than your girlfriend, yknow. only attracted to men.

rory just uses the word queer; no gender, no preference re: attraction

austen doesn't use labels, but does go by they/them. bi!

luca is agender and t4t, specifically with a preference for other nonbinary folks

delilah is nonbinary and bi

jocasta is every gender and none of them. fuck you. goes by she/they/he/it, but also doesn't really care what you call them. attraction is simply Queer

delight is utterly genderless and very bi! dislikes being gendered by friends or loved ones but doesn't care about it from strangers

[albertfinch]

COMMITMENT TO OTHERS

"Because lawlessness is increased, most people's love will grow COLD" (Matthew 24:12). A major area of spiritual warfare that has come against the Church is the sphere of church relationships.

There is no such thing as love without COMMITMENT. The measure of one's love is found in the depth of his or her commitment to others.

When someone withdraws his commitment to a relationship, he is withdrawing his love. It is not one's commitment that grows cold; it is their love. It may not seem like they have become COLD—they may still attend church, sing and look "Christian"—but inside they have become hard and separated from others. They have withdrawn from love. Because their commitment is shallow, they will be easily offended.

STUMBLING BLOCKS TO THE LOVE OF JESUS IN OUR HEARTS

Jesus said, "It is inevitable that stumbling blocks come" (Matthew 18:7).

 To preserve the quality of love in your heart, you must forgive those who have caused you to stumble.

Every time you refuse to forgive or fail to overlook a weakness in another, your heart not only hardens toward them, it hardens toward God. You cannot form a negative opinion of someone (even though you think they may deserve it!) and allow that opinion to crystallize into an attitude; for every time you do, an aspect of your heart will cool toward God. You may still think you are open to God, but the Scriptures are clear:

"The one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen" (1 John 4:20).

 You may not like what someone has done, but you do not have an option to stop loving them. Love is your only choice.

We each need people who love us, who are COMMITTED to us in spite of our imperfections.  Many people will stumble over little faults and human weaknesses. These minor things are quickly pumped up by the enemy into great big problems. Oh, how frail are the excuses people use to justify withdrawing from others. In reality, these problems, often with a church or pastor, are a smokescreen which masks the person's lack of love.

We need to overcome our hang-ups about commitment, for no one will attain the fullness of God's purposes on earth without being COMMITTED to imperfect people along the way.

To those whose attitude is, "I am content with just Jesus and me," I say it is wonderful you found Jesus. But you cannot truly have Jesus and simultaneously not do what He says. The outgrowth of love and faith in Christ is love and faith like Christ's, which means we are committed, even as He is, to His people.

The Kingdom of God is most perfectly revealed in our relationships with one another. We are being perfected into a unit (see John 17). To have the Kingdom, we must be committed to one another as individuals and as churches. If Christ accepts us while we are still imperfect, we must also accept one another.

OUR SPIRITUAL NEED TO PERSONALLY DISCIPLE OTHER BELIEVERS

 The people who possess the Kingdom of God in its reality are people who overcome the obstacles of each other's faults. They DISCIPLE others  into becoming what God has called them to be:  the living Body of Jesus Christ. The Christian life is more than just commitment to Christ; it includes a commitment to other Christians.   The failure of ministries to equip the saints (train believers to DISCIPLE other believers) so that every individual part of the Body of Christ is functioning is a primary reason for the overall ineffectiveness of the church.  

"You should teach people who you can trust the things you and many other have heard me say. Then they will be able to teach others." - 2 Timothy 2:2

"We understand what love is when we realize that Christ gave His life for us. That means we must give our lives for other believers." -  1John 3:16

One of the unique things about the Church of the New Covenant is that God has authorized and commanded EVERY BELIEVER to do the work of the MINISTRY!  God wants an entire army of workers out doing the vital work of DISCIPLESHIP of the saints into their Christ identity so they can effectively bear fruit that remains for His Kingdom.

ALBERT FINCH MINISTRY

[gust-jar-simulator]

The nerds from Tool Gods and their relationship to attraction, part one.

Bloodfeather- Definitely has something with his Zelda. Unresolved and unexplored feelings about.... everyone else, really. It's not that he's straight, it's that he's only ever seriously thought about being Zeldasexual. Probably bi or pan though.

Lost- As of canon, too young to care about such things. Attraction makes adults stupid and he is above that kind of mistake. He occasionally gets the strange urge to impress someone, but he hasn't figured it out and doesn't plan to. He's got priorities. Pre-canon, when he was an adult, I'd say he was pan but too traumatized to do much about it.

Found- He was created to be straight. He was created to be a lot of things. Found doesn't really feel physical attraction the way most others seem to, it's more of a game to him. And he's winning. Any attempt to label his sexuality involves the word "spite". Might be on the ace spectrum.

Hibiscus- She's trans, and it's hard to tell if her last girlfriend was a case of genuine attraction or gender envy. Other people in general are the last thing on her mind right now. Unfortunately, she's trying to walk a lonely road while being a disaster demisexual. Gods save her.

Sage- He's got a weird relationship to attraction because of his biology. He didn't really have a gender, gender was thrust upon him along with things like destiny and a sword, and generally attraction is described in terms of What You Are, followed by What You Like. His gender is "friendly traveller" or perhaps "really cool dragon coat". His interest in sex is the same as your car's interest in going to the gas station. His preference in partners is, at minimum, someone who won't turn into a swarm of murder bats.

Wolf- He's trans and has mostly had crushes on women, but doesn't quite know where he fits. He just likes what he likes, whatever that happens to be, but he's juggling three different sets of conflicting instincts and it's hard to parse what they agree on. He likes someone who can kick his ass, which is a tall order considering he's about seven feet of pure muscle.

Damaz- Yet another Zeldasexual. Largely uninterested in anything else, though it does get small crushes on people who display behaviors like hers. It hasn't really unpacked any of that. It likes nerds who infodump, especially because they generally need someone to hold stuff or carry stuff or try out equipment. Some flavor of ace. Its relationship to gender is the subject of a multichapter unfinished fic.

Wake- He's a man but slightly to the left. If he was ever introduced to the topic, probably masc xenic. Man but ocean flavored, especially the chill of the waves at night. Probably bi, has definitely fraternized with mermaids before. He's not really ready to settle down and is actually a little frustrated by his lack of romantic attraction in general. He just really loves his crew and might want a partner in crime, but that's it. Might be some flavor of poly.

[astrovaidya]

Horoscope Today

Every zodiac sign receives a daily astrological forecast as part of the widely used feature called Horoscope Today, which may be seen in publications like newspapers, journals, and websites. It seeks to give people an idea of what their day might hold based on their sun sign. 

Horoscope Today offers a concise forecast for a number of facets of life, such as love, job, health, and relationships, with an emphasis on general themes and influences. The significance of Horoscope Today, its function in daily life, and its shortcomings will all be discussed in this essay.

For those who want to quickly and easily find out how their day might go, Horoscope Today is a helpful resource. It provides a sense of direction and expectation, enabling people to psychologically and emotionally get ready for the chances and challenges they might face. Some people make it a daily routine to read their horoscopes because it gives them time for introspection and thought before they start their day.

Learn More About Horoscope Today

Astrologers analyze the potential energies and influences that might have an effect on each zodiac sign on a particular day using the positions of celestial bodies and their aspects. They offer a broad forecast by taking into consideration the positions of the sun, moon, planets, and other astrological elements. These forecasts are frequently stated succinctly and interestingly to draw readers in.

The forecasts offered in Horoscope Today typically target a large audience and are broad and vague. They are intended to provide people with a perspective or suggestion as they go about their day rather than to take the place of personal action or critical thinking. Numerous facets of life, including love and relationships, work and finances, health and well-being, and general mood or energy levels may be mentioned in the predictions.

A typical horoscope for someone born under the sign of Aries would say, for instance, "Today, Aries, you may sense a surge of energy and enthusiasm. It's a perfect time to begin new projects or assume greater responsibility at work. Be sure to express yourself properly and pay attention to others' needs in your relationships. Include exercise and a nutritious diet in your routine to take care of your health.

It's crucial to understand that Horoscope Today's forecasts are not intended to be deterministic or absolute. Astrology understands that each person is unique and complex and that the daily horoscope can only provide broad advice based on the sun sign. A person's day and life will be significantly shaped by factors like their full birth chart, past events, and leisure time.

Science vs Horoscope Today

Daily horoscopes are criticized for lacking scientific validity and being based on ambiguous generalizations that might apply to anyone. They contend that since the predictions are frequently vague, people can read them in a way that corresponds to their experiences, resulting in the Barnum effect or the Forer effect, a psychological phenomenon.

The Barnum effect is the propensity for people to accept as true broad generalizations about their personalities that actually apply to a wide variety of people. People may discover that certain features of the prediction in the context of Horoscope Today match up with their experiences simply because the assertions are open to multiple interpretations.

Horoscope Today is still read and cherished by many people in spite of the complaints. It provides a brief diversion from the daily grind and a point of inspiration while also encouraging introspection. Some people may even use it as a springboard for more in-depth introspection and self-reflection.

Why Do We Need Horoscope Today?

Depending on a person's viewpoint and views, the question of why we need Horoscope Today may take on many meanings. Some people believe it is beneficial to check their daily horoscope for the following reasons:

Self-Reflection and Awareness: A tool for introspection and self-reflection is Horoscope Today. People may become more conscious of their feelings, ideas, and behaviors by reading about the various themes and influences of their zodiac signs. It provides a time of reflection so they can plan their day or make decisions.

Guidance and Preparation: Today's horoscope offers direction and helps you get ready for the day. People can psychologically and emotionally prepare themselves by being aware of the potential opportunities or problems that may present themselves. It can provide advice on how to handle particular circumstances, encouraging a proactive attitude.

Sense of Connection and Belonging: Numerous people turn to astrology for solace and a sense of connection. They get a sense of kinship with a bigger cosmic framework and a sense of belonging when they read their horoscope. It can give a person a sense of community and assurance during trying circumstances.

Inspiration and Motivation: Individuals can find inspiration and motivation from Horoscope Today. Predictions that are upbeat or encouraging can enhance their emotions and increase their motivation to complete the duties for the day. It might inspire hope and serve as a reminder of their abilities and potential.

Entertainment and Curiosity: For other people, looking at their horoscope is just for fun. It infuses their everyday routine with a little bit of joy and interest. It can be interesting to observe how the forecasts match or differ from their actual experiences, adding to the suspense.

Decision-Making: You can use Horoscope Today as a guide while making choices. People may find it beneficial to take the astrological prognosis into account together with other criteria, even though it shouldn't serve as the only basis for significant decisions. It may offer further viewpoints or insights that could guide their choices.

While many individuals find value in Horoscope Today, it's vital to remember that this approach of foretelling or influencing one's destiny is not supported by science. Because astrology is irrational and vulnerable to interpretation, its forecasts are frequently vague and generic. 

It is crucial to approach horoscopes with a balanced viewpoint and to use them as a tool for inspiration and introspection rather than as a source of absolute truth or direction. Reading Horoscope Today and deriving meaning from it are ultimately personal decisions.

Conclusion

In summary, Horoscope Today has a big impact on a lot of people's daily life. It provides a quick and easy look at probable themes and influences for each sign of the zodiac on a particular day. It can be a source of inspiration and introspection, but it should be treated with caution and critical thinking. Horoscope Today continues to pique the attention and curiosities of those looking for direction and insights into their daily lives, regardless of whether they believe in astrology or not.

Post credit- Reddit

[inmegsmind]

‘You are mine and I am yours.’

Young Sirius Black x Female Reader (SMUT 18+)

Description: Despite situationships becoming an inevitable aspect of teenage life, that doesn’t make them any easier to get through. After a lack of attention from Sirius, will your (justified) jealousy break or solidify your relationship?

Warnings: Angst, some fluff  Swearing, alcohol consumption, jealous reader (leading to slight Marlene slander but I love her really its just for the fic), SMUT, oral (female receiving), fingering, unprotected sex (p in v), light choking and hair pulling.

Word Count: 6130 words.

Author Note: This is slightly longer than I anticipated lmao, also will be updating Falling, my Regulus Black fan fic really soon, I sort of hit as block in my mind with it and decided that instead of struggling trying to complete that it would be better for me to work on some other fic ideas I had to try think about it with a fresh mind. Also I tried this fic with putting all the speech in bold & italic pls let me know if this is easier to read. Ty Ly xxx

-

As a teenager, situationships have become inevitable. Everyone wants someone but nobody wants to feel tied down. One drunken hook up with Sirius Black had led to another which led to a sober hook ups ending up in the pair of you only sleeping with each other but refusing to label what was basically a relationship.

You'd been warned about Sirius flirtatious ways, his charming smile and addictive attention but by this point you didn't care. It had been six months since you first hooked up after a party celebrating a Gryffindor win. Honestly, you didn't expect anything to come of it, you knew what Sirius was like and you weren't against random hook ups yourself then when it happened again you felt a small spark of pride knowing that it was rare for Sirius to go for the same girl twice. Then when the sober hook ups began becoming a regular thing you knew you were in for trouble. Secret hook ups were now a thing of the past and now the whole the school had become aware of the Hufflepuff who had caught the undivided attention of Sirius Black. Or so it seemed.

It had been well over a week since the last time the pair of you had been intimate and the lack of attention had began to take its toll on your mood. Every time you happened to run into him it was a rushed exchange, a quick hug and kiss on the head leaving you feeling annoyed, unwanted and needy for more affection.

These feelings seemed to reach boiling point as you sat in the Great Hall for your lunch and watched as Sirius and Marlene McKinnon obnoxiously and shamelessly flirted across at their table. You had never been a jealous person, always relaxed with a cool demeanour, this was one of the reasons Sirius grew fond of you. You knew he was a flirt, it didn't phase you, especially because you knew you'd been the only person he'd been sleeping with since after the first time you hooked up sober months before. However, things were different now that Sirius hadn't given you more than a second of attention yet was able to give Marlene all of his instead. It didn't help that you knew they'd hooked up before, You and Sirius had always been very transparent about who you'd been with in the past, not wanting the other to feel caught off guard by a sly comment or spiteful whisper.

'Merlin, what did that fork ever do to you?' Your friend, Jessica, whispered from beside you and you were snapped out of your jealous gaze to look down at the silver cutlery that was victim to the tight grip of your fist. Without realising you had been gripping it so tight that your knuckles had become an alarming shade of white.

'It's not what the fork did, it's what that prick is doing over there', Clara, your best friend, spat out as she also glared over at Sirius and Marlene. Jess discretely turned her head to understand and turned back making a grunt of disgust whilst rolling her eyes.

You just about managed to croak out a sorrowful ‘I just don’t get it’ ,your jealousy and anger being pushed aside by a feeling of sadness and embarrassment. It was no doubt that everyone in the school will have picked up on the fact they hadn't seen you with Sirius for days yet he was all over Marlene in front of everyone.

'What's to get? he's a dick and you' Clara pointed her fork at you 'are wayy too good missy'. Her matter of fact tone brought a small smile to your face as Jess muttered her agreement.

'Well we know that’s true' you jokingly responded whilst returning to your meal before continuing 'but like if he wants to end stuff why not just say instead of making me look stupid'

'Nuhh-uhh, you don't look stupid, he looks stupid and Marlene looks desperate, you haven't so much as reacted other than assaulting that poor fork, you look as cool and collected as ever' Jess cooed from across the table and you smiled gratefully at the mousey haired girl.

'Come on, lets get to out of here, if I sit and look at those pricks any longer I'm gonna get violent' Clara grumbled whilst slamming her cutlery down causing a few people to turn heads as the three of you gathered your things. Thankfully, the three of you had a free period next so you could go bask in the warm spring air rather than be cooped up in a dusty and dark classroom. The soft spring air filled your senses as the three of you perched yourself on your usual spot in the court yard. The stone that you sat on felt cold and soothing against your prickly hot skin as you leant against it. You pulled out your book from inside your bag as Jess began to plait Clara's hair, the three of you settling into a calming silence.

Unbeknownst to you, four infamous cheeky boys had noticed the three of you swiftly exit the Great Hall meaning you'd missed the announcement of their party that evening. Followed closely behind by Lily, Marlene, Dorcas and Mary, the Marauders set out to find you and knew that in a free period there was only one possible location.

You heard them before you saw them. The loud obnoxious laughs and hollers always meant that a group of Gryffindors were nearing but when they were this loud there was only 4 certain boys it could be. It took all of your power to not look up as you heard them crossing the court yard and when you were met with the giggles of the girls behind you knew not to dare look up.

'Ladies you missed the announcement' The voice of James Potter roared from a few centre meters away but you continued to keep your attention on the book, at this point not being able to process a single word on the page. You felt a thud beside you as the rich scent of cigarette smoke engulfed your senses, indicating Sirius had sat next to you. His arm made its way to drop around your shoulder but you shrugged it off still not daring to look up at him.

'The announcement?' Clara asked, not even the slightest hint of interest apparent in his voice. One thing you loved about your girls was if one of you had a problem or were upset by someone, all of you shared that feeling.

'Party, Gryffindor Common Room, 9pm, be there', the pride was apparent in Sirius voice as she shared the information which only made the scowl on your face grow, your grip on the book tightening as you continued feigning your interest in the pages.

'Hmm we'll think about' Jess nonchalantly replied and Remus let out a low 'Boo' followed by James' gasp. We were usually the first group to be up for coming to a party.

‘That’s alright cause I know my girl will defo be there, a bottle of fire whiskey Y/N? the usual?' Sirius teased from beside you whilst attempting to put him around you again but much to his dismay it was shrugged off again.

‘No thanks, I won't be coming' you replied bluntly and you thanked Merlin for the strength that came out when you spoke because you were sure your emotions would get the better of you and your voice would crack or come out angry. It was blunt, but calm, almost uninterested, much like Sirius had been in you for the last week.

'What do you mean you’re not coming?' Sirius interrogated from beside you and although you hadn't looked up you knew everyone's eyes were on you. Not wanting to satisfy him with a further answer you just shrugged your shoulders before turning the page in your book to keep up the image that you were indeed still reading.

'Girls you have to come, it won't be long till we graduate and we don't have many common room parties left.'

The sweet voice of Lily Evans attempted to persuade. Sirius eyes were burning holes into the side of your head and you began to shift awkwardly under the gaze before your book was snatched from your hands, almost tearing a page.

'What the fu-' You exclaimed, eyes snapping to Sirius who had a look of annoyance painted clearly on his face.

'Why wouldn't you come to my party? You always come' He quizzed as you reached for your book only to roll your eyes in annoyance as he stood with it out of your reach.

‘Because I don't want to' You replied coldly whilst reaching again to grab the book, becoming aware of how your skirt rose against your thighs as you strained to reach it, Sirius was all to well aware of this too as you noticed his eyes trailing down your legs which made your blood boil, and not in the usual erotic way either.

'Come on, who's gonna entertain me if you're not there' Sirius pouted his mood turning playful where as yours was only turning more angry.

Letting out a loud scoff you were quick to respond 'Oh I'm sure Marlene would be more than happy to do that Sirius, she seemed to be doing such a good job of it not even 10 minutes ago'. The words came out of your mouth in such a calm and casual tone that it sent a sinister shiver down Sirius spine. The atmosphere had very quickly changed and as you turned back to finally acknowledge the others stood spectating you became aware of the proud looks on the girls faces, the mortified look on the Marauders and the way Marlene's face had turned a deep shade of ruby, very fitting against her Gryffindor robes.

'Ohh grow up' Sirius rolled his eyes as you reached over to snatch the book from his grasp. Stuffing it back into your bag you quickly tried to escape the situation but was hindered by Sirius blocking your exit.

'You're not being serious' He continued confusion and a hint of annoyance flickering across his face. You stood for a second not answering, fully aware of the various sets of eyes glued to the pair of you. 'Well what do you expect Sirius? I've barely seen you and whenever I do you're rushing off, no time for me to plenty of time to flirt with girls right in front of me' You let out the smallest hint of the anger that had been building up inside you, watching as Sirius brain began to construct his answer.

'That’s not even the case plus I'm allowed to flirt if I want to, it's not as if you're my girlfriend or anything.' Sirius instantly regretted what he said as he watched the hurt wash over your face. Of course it was true and you knew that but it wasn't like he hadn't been acting like your boyfriend, you just hadn't made it official and it hurt to actually hear it.

'Yeah that is true but I'm also not a scrap on the side who you can pick and chose when you want to fuck'

Before Sirius had even had the chance to respond you were scuttling away with Clara and Jess hot on your heels.

-

The remainder of the school day went by painfully slow as you sat brewing over the earlier altercation with Sirius. Thankfully you didn't share many classes so didn't have the displeasure of seeing him as you tried your best to concentrate.

You were now sprawled out on your bed head lost in your book as you tried to distract yourself. After much protest you had managed to convince Clara and Jess to go to the party, you didn't want them to miss out on what would be a good night just cause you were feeling down. In order to be comfy you'd opted for just wearing some thigh high socks and a shirt that Sirius had gave you one time, taking in the scent as it was more than likely you'd be returning it to him soon.

Jess took a seat on the edge of your bed and reached out to stroke your hair before asking ‘Are you sure you don’t want us to stay?’

‘Or are you sure you don't want to join?' Clara chirped up and you playfully rolled your eyes at her relentless attempt to get you to get out and have some fun.

'I'll be fine girls, you both look so good so go have a good night and come back with lots of stories and gossip for me'

The three of you exchanged goodbyes before they headed off out leaving you in the peaceful silence of the dormitory. Carefully placing your bookmark to not lose your page, you collapsed back onto the bed with your eyes tightly shut trying your best not to let any of the tears that had been building all day to fall through.

-

A buzz of chatter floated through the bumping music within the Gryffindor Common Room. The party was in full swing, drunken teenagers laughing and hooking in every corner.

Sirius Black, the usual life of the party, stood leaning on the bannister of the stairs that led to the dormitory, a bottle of Fire whiskey in hand as he scanned the crowd. Every time someone appeared through the portrait he hoped it would be you, perking up slightly to only be disappointed. He didn't actually believe that you wouldn't come tonight, that was until it was an hour into the party and there was no sight of you.

'Give up mate, she's not gonna come' the voice of his best friend and wise advisor, Remus Lupin, startled him from behind before continuing 'And I don't blame her'.

'Leave it out Moony' Sirius grumbled before taking another sip of the scolding liquor. Much to his dismay Remus was not about to let it go.

'I just don't get you ya know, you've got this brilliant girl who's quite literally head over heels for you and as far as I was aware you were for her, yet you're desperate to fuck it up for no reason'

The bitter truth from Remus hit Sirius a bit harder than usual which he put down to the fire whiskey. Stuff had been going great between the pair of you, it was so good and so perfect that it scared him. He felt that the high of the relationship developing was so euphoric that if it crashed and burned the after math would be unbearable, and now he had caused it.

'It was too good to be true, eventually she was gonna realise I'm a fuck up and leave anyway' Sirius responded to Remus who scoffed and grabbed the bottle from his hands to prevent him taking another sip.

'Mate, you couldn't have got that any more wrong if you tried' Remus began before his eyes drifted away from the raven haired boy in front of him to something behind him. Sirius spun around in hope of seeing you in the crowd but instead he saw Clara and Jess just a few feet away chatting to Lily. Before he could even think of what he was doing he pushed his way through the crowd of bodies to get to them with Remus closely following behind.

'Fuck off Black, we have nothing to say to you' Clara was quick to snap as he stood in front of them but Sirius wasn't phased by her feisty nature after getting to know her over the past months.

'Where is she? Is she coming?' Sirius quizzed only to be met with scoffs and eye rolls from the three girls. 'Of course she's not Sirius, that was harsh' Lily scolded her friend, she'd said the same earlier to Marlene, feeling disappointed with the pairs behaviour.

‘I didn't mean to say what I said, it was harsh and she knows I didn't mean it'

'Well obviously she doesn't otherwise she would be here' Jess spat before continuing 'and your wasting your breath saying that to us, the person who you should be saying it to is alone in the common room because of what you said'

Sirius hung his head in shame as he ran his fingers through the hair that had fallen. Everything that everyone was saying to him was right and true but he just didn't know how to fix it.

  'Not that I want to help you or think you even deserve it but if I was you I wouldn't be wasting another second of time at this party, I would be down in our common room, trying my hardest to make her forgive me'

Sirius didn't need another second to think before he was racing up to the common room to grab the invisibility cloak and darting back out of Gryffindor tower.

-

Thankfully, you had snuck Sirius into the Hufflepuff common room multiple times over the last few months so he knew how to get in. He tapped the barrel, two from the bottom in the middle of the second row, in the rhythm of Helga Hufflepuff, and the entrance was revealed to him. Weary that there may still be a few stragglers or younger students still up and about, he remained under the shelter of the invisibility cloak as he crept his way up to your dormitory.

The large wooden door was slightly open and the dim light crept its way through into the corridor. He slowly tip toed his way over to the crack in the door to peer inside. You were there, sprawled across your bed, book in hand with your head facing away. Sirius felt his heart both flutter and pang with pain as he noticed you dressed in the shirt he had let you have, his eyes floating down to see the thigh high socks tightly gripping at your delicate skin. Trying his best not to make any noise he slipped through the door, moving it ever so slightly to fit his body through and lightly pushing it shut behind him. His intention wasn't to just suddenly appear and scare you but he felt too embarrassed to announce his presence in case you turned him away.

Unbeknownst to him, you could smell his aftershave that you so loved from a mile off, so had been notified of his presence as soon as he'd reached the top of the stairs to your dorm. Even if he was invisible, Sirius Black's presence would always be known to you. For what felt like hours but in reality must have been less than a minute, you attempted to ignore the fact you knew he was there but grew impatient waiting for him to make himself known.

'I know that's you Sirius' you declared, not drawing your attention away from the book but feeling the slight breeze as he removed the cloak. It took all of your strength not to turn and look at him.

'How did you know?' He asked quietly.

'I could smell you' you stated casually, still not breaking your attention from the book, ‘plus I could sense the door shutting and there is no breeze’

'Do I smell that bad?' Sirius attempted to joke in hope of lightening the mood but was only met with a death glare as his lack of seriousness for the situation irked you beyond belief. 'That was supposed to be a joke' he nervously admitted whilst bringing a hand up to awkwardly scratch the back of his neck.

‘Jokes are supposed to be funny', a statement that would usually be shared amongst the pair of you in a teasing matter suddenly becoming serious as your attention returned to the page in front of you. Of course you were no longer reading, you just didn't want him to get the attention he had failed to give you over the past days.

‘I know, I uh wanted to come and speak to you about earlier' Sirius began as he walked over to sit himself on your bed. His body language was awkward, something that had been foreign between the two of you up until this moment. You only hummed in response and Sirius felt dismay as you continued to look at the book and not fully engage with him.

'Look, I didn't mean what I said earlier, it was uncalled for and - can you at least look at me when I'm trying to apologise?' Sirius asked whilst reaching out his hand and placing it on the back of your sock covered calf. Your head spun around at the sudden and unexpected contact, finally taking him in for the first time. His hair was messy and falling in front of his face, just how you liked it. He wore a shirt similar to the one he had leant you that you were currently wearing, the top few buttons undone showing a peak of his porcelain chest.

'You might have not meant it Sirius but it's true, I'm not your girlfriend, if you wanted me to be surely I would be by now so it was just running on dead time for you wasn't it?' 

Although it was a question, it felt to Sirius as more of a statement, something that definitely wasn't true.

Sirius tried to begin again ‘No of course it wasn’t’ but you only cut him off, the last hour or so you had spent alone giving you time to think and construct the things you knew you would want to say when you finally confronted him.

'So why ignore me for the last week or so? Why all of a sudden act like I don't exist or that I'm one of the other girls you fuck and chuck? If that wasn't the case you would be exactly the same as you have been for months. Am I all of a sudden not good enough anymore? Are you bored of me now?'. 

The words poured out of your mouth like a flood of water engulfing everything in its path. Sirius sat there dumbfounded for a second, unaware how his behaviour in the last week had made you question yourself so much when he thought you were the best person he had ever met.

‘No Y/N, you've got it all wrong. It's not you' Sirius began to argue back but yet again you were quick to cut off his explanation. 'It's me, blah blah, that’s the oldest line in the book Sirius' you scoffed as you turned over fully and sat properly facing him this time. Despite the seriousness of the moment, Sirius couldn't help how his eyes wandered over the way his shirt slipped off your left shoulder ever so slightly displaying the skin he had kissed so many times, the way your hair dropped in front of your eyes that were beginning to well with tears.

Sirius responded through gritted teeth, ‘If you gave me a chance to explain myself you would know I wasn't going to say that'  growing frustrated with the situation that felt like it would never get resolved. It was your turn to sit slightly dumbfounded this time before mustering up a response.

‘What if I told you I don't care what you have to say?' you asked back with a shrug, even though you wanted to know exactly how he felt and Sirius knew the same as he confidently responded 'I'd say that you were lying'. The scoff that left your mouth rang into his ears as you attempted to get off the bed whilst muttering 'I think you should leave'.

Sirius took the opportunity he saw in front of him and instead of letting you go past him he lunged forward, pushing you back onto the bed and trapping your body underneath his as you shrieked in surprise. You were now trapped with your back against the plush duvet, Sirius pining both of your arms above your head with his one knee trapped between your thighs, dangerously close to where you'd wanted him most for the past few days, as he looked down at you through his messy fallen locks.

You hated to admit it but the proximity of your bodies after the days of feeling miles apart sent your head reeling. His hot breath tickled your face as the light scent of fire whiskey engulfed you. Staring back up at him you took a hard swallow, not trusting yourself to be the next one to speak.

'Still want me to leave?' he asked, almost too cockily earning another eye roll from you as you attempted to sit up only to be pinned back harder, his leg brushing ever so lightly against your clothed core. 'Yes' you managed to croak out, barely above a whisper and extremely unbelievable. Sirius leant closer and your breath got caught in the back of your throat as he leant into your ear.

'I don't believe you' he whispered and goose bumps began emerging all over your body as he came back face to face with you.

His grip on your left arm disappeared as he brought his had down to caress the side of your face as your free hand grabbed at his shirt, torn between wanting to pull him closer or push him off. Your skin felt on fire under his soft touch as he continued to slowly edge his face closer to yours.

'My beautiful beautiful girl, how could I ever get bored of you? You are too good to be true' Sirius whispered so quietly and sweetly that it almost didn't sound like it come from him.

Before you even had a chance to process the sweet whisper his lips were touching yours, so softly that you felt your heart melt and all the anger slowly dissolve. The kiss was slow and delicate, Sirius testing the waters and not wanting to push it too for if you were not interested but obviously you were.

Letting your hand wander from its grip on his shirt up to the back of his neck, you pulled him closer to deepen the kiss, instigating it to become more passionate. Sirius covered your body more closely, careful not to put too much weight on you, as his tongue began to dip into your mouth, whilst the hand he was still using to pin you down ended up tangled in your hair. With your hand now free you made work of unbuttoning his shirt not wanting to break the kiss but needing to feel his skin on your own.

Sirius pulled back to remove his shirt and the mere sight of him looking down at you with lush filled eyes only added further to your rapidly increasing arousal. You attempted to clench your thighs together in order to relieve some of the tension but Sirius was quick to notice and push his leg up further to stop it. You pouted out your bottom lip as you leant up on your elbows, hoping the pout and doe eyes would convince him to do something.

As Sirius looked down at you he could have punched himself for nearly messing this up. You were a dream and he never wanted to wake up from it. Leaning back down he chuckled as you went in for the a but he quickly dogged and began to place soft kisses down your neck. Your eyes fluttered shut in pure bliss and the small sign of affection as your hand returned to its earlier position on the back of his neck, softly tugging at the hairs.

With each kiss down your body Sirius slowly made work of undoing each of the delicate little buttons, pushing his shirt open to reveal your bare breasts and abdomen. His mouth continued its exploration of your bare body, the soft kisses and light caresses of his hands driving you insane.  It’s not that the sex was rough every time you had it but something about this time felt so delicate, like he was really taking his time to appreciate every inch of you. Instead of continuing his journey down to where you needed him most, much to your frustration, Sirius began retracing the kisses and nips back up your stomach, taking his time to massage your breasts, teasingly rolling your nipples between his rough finger pads.

 A small whimper escaped you as Sirius wetly kissed at the crook of your neck. Unable to control your urge anymore, you let your hands slowly slip down Sirius’ bare chest, lightly tracing your fingers across his soft skin until you reached his belted trousers. Sirius leant in to kiss you once more before realising exactly what your hands were doing. You were making quick work of getting his belt unbuckled and about to slip your hand into his already strained boxers when you felt his large hand grip around your throat. It wasn’t enough to disturb your breathing of course, but the perfect level of pressure to emphasise he was in charge. Breaking away from the kiss Sirius’ eyes burned into your own, the dark orbs clouded with admiration and lust.

‘As much as I would love for you to pleasure me my darling, I’m the one who’s got the making up to do’ he whispered seductively, never once breaking eyes contact which made your head tingle. As you tried to get a word of protest out his slender finger pressed against your lips, shushing you as he made his way back down your body, stopping randomly to leave another love bite and mark you as his.

When Sirius finally made his way down and became face to face with your clothed core he felt like he could cum right there and right then on the spot. You wore a bright yellow thong, your house colour of course, which looked vibrant in contrast to your glowing skin and white thigh high socks. The part Sirius loved the most though was the wet patch that had seeped its way through and was there on display for him and him only.

You propped yourself up on your elbows again, wanting to get a better look at the boy who was teasing you. All of a sudden you felt very exposed to him and wished he would carry on with it rather than just looking. As if he could read your mind, Sirius pressed the pad of his thumb against your clit, creating slow yet firm circles on the pulsing nerve. A wave of pleasure rushed over your body as this was the start of the contact you had mentally been begging for for days. 

Sirius watched, mouth ajar, as you let your head fall back with your eyes gently fluttering shut in pleasure. He had only done the simplest thing and you were already wild for him. Not wanting to deny you of that pleasure a second longer, Sirius dragged the soaking panties down your things, humming his approval as you moved your legs to ease the process. 

‘So so wet baby, I’ve barely even started yet’ Sirius teased but you were way to turned at this point to even pretend you weren’t desperate for him to do something. ‘Please siri’ you pleaded, hoping the pout and doe eyes would again work in your favour like that had so many times before. Of course, it did. Sirius wasted no more time and dragged his tongue flat from your soaking entrance all the way up to your clit which he mercilessly began sucking on. The whimper that left your lips at this long awaited pleasure was the perfect mixture of erotic and pathetic. Sirius couldn’t help but groan against your cunt at the sweet taste of your wetness, so addicting he feared he may never come up for air again. His one hand slipped up around your thigh, pushing it to open wider as he used his other hand to slip his middle and ring finger into your pulsing core. A loud moan left your throat as Sirius began to ferociously fuck you with his finger, your spare hand coming down to grab the hand that rested on his thigh. The deadly grip on his hand reverted his gaze to focus on you. The picture of you lead back with your back arched off the bed as you moaned his name so erotically would be something that he trapped in his memory for the remainder of his days.

Sirius knew you were coming close to your high by the way your pussy clenched around his fingers.��‘Come on my girl, cum for me’ he mumbled against your clit as his fingers pushed into you at a deadly pace causing you to call out his name followed by a string of profanities as you came hard on his fingers and against his mouth.  In true Padfoot style, Sirius lapped up the wetness that left you, feeling proud that he’d been able to make you cum so easily but knew it was more down to your sexual frustration than anything he could have done. Raising his fingers up to your lips he watched in delight as you sucked your own wetness off them before he swooped in for another kiss. You were quick to use your tongue to explore his mouth, feeling drunk at the taste of yourself on him.

‘Tell me what you want’ he commanded breaking the kiss but you continued to leave kisses down his neck as you made work of getting his tights pants off. Trailing kisses back up to his year you seductively whispered ‘I want you to fuck me’ before taking his ear lobe lightly between your teeth as you freed his rock hard dick from his boxers. Sirius groaned as he felt your hand wrap around his aching cock, tantalisingly beginning to wank him off, not that he needed any help getting ready to fuck you. Propping his one arm above your head, he used his other to prop your leg up onto his waste, feeling to impatient to bother even getting into another position, before taking over the grip on his cock. Your heart fluttered with excitement as you felt the tip brush up and down against your slit, gathering the left over slick to use as a lubricant.

The sounds the pair of you made as Sirius slowly pushed deep inside of you were nothing short of pornographic. Your other leg shot up to wrap around Sirius waste, pulling his hips so close that he had now completely bottomed out inside of you as his now free hand moved to grip tightly on the flesh of your ass. Sirius began fucking you instantly not giving you a second to readjust to his size as he leant down to kiss you sloppily. Your hands found refuge on his back, nails digging into his skin and he thrusted into you relentlessly. Your head was fuzzy with pleasure, the sound of Sirius’ soft groans and the skin slapping only turning you on even more. With your cunt still sensitive from your first orgasm you knew it wouldn’t be long before you’d be orgasming again and by the contorted look of pleasure on Sirius face you knew he wouldn’t be lasting much longer. His hand moved from your ass to your front, harshly rubbing against your clit as his other hand moved to yank your hair, pulling your head back to face him fully. 

‘You are mine and I am yours’, despite the roughness he was fucking you with, you knew that the words we’re sincere and that he felt most confident to say them in this situation. Though it was hard to respond between the deep hard thrusts you managed to moan out ‘I’m all yours Sirius’ just as your second orgasm began to hit. Sirius loosened the grip on your hair and you threw your head back into the bed, eyes clamped shut and moaning loudly in pleasure. The sight pushed Sirius to the absolute edge and his head collapsed into your sweat covered chest as he unloaded his cum inside of you, your tight walls milking out all of him.

The pair of you remained in that position for an unknown period of time. Sirius pressed against your bare chest listening to the frantic beating of your heart as you traced soothing patters onto this now scram covered back. It was you who finally broke the comfortable silence,

‘I meant what I said mind, I am all yours Sirius’

‘As did I, I’m all and only yours my darling’.