#its a sign of my deepest love <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[arolesbianism]

I should rly get around to designing the Jackies and Olivias from my swap aus now that I have ideas for how to differentiate them for their non swapped counterparts, but at the same time the eternal dread of having to commit to either keeping or changing the gravitas uniform for the swap aus hangs over me with ever increasing pressure, so maybe I can just only draw headshots of them and commit to that til the end of time instead

[gghostwriter]

Deepest Fear

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Summary: Spencer wakes from a nightmare and you comfort him Trope: Comfort (can this still be considered fluff) w.c: 0.8k a/n: This idea has been in my list for so long and I just never felt the time to write it until now. My head canon of later Spencer Reid is someone who finds rest unsettling due to horrors so here's my take on that. Not proofread as I didn't want to think of how heavy and realistic this actually is. Comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated! 💗 masterlist

The digital clock on your bed side table says: September 3, 12:35am. The hustling city in slumber as all its occupants rest and gather energy for the coming hours. Except maybe for one resident, you. 

Nights like this were exceedingly rare—him asleep while you sit on your bedside wide awake. It had always been the opposite. With the terrors that graced his desk day to day bleeding into his dreams, creating nightmares that transform the victims into his loved ones. Some featured the team but most—most if it featured you and Diana at the mercy of an unsub that seemed three steps ahead of him.

It only got worse during his stint in prison with it become in a reality for his mother. Now, his nightmares of her were flashbacks of his time incarcerated, unable to do anything while Diana was held captive. Whatever his expansive mind conjured up to torture him when his eyes close were enough to make him like sleep less and less begrudgingly turning him into an insomniac. 

Sometimes you’d wake up in the middle of the night with him, back up against the headboard, arms tight round you, and eyes trained to every entrance and exit. It was unsettling but you learned to live with it—you’d learn anything just to have him still. That was how much you love him.

He twitched in his sleep, hand on your stomach tightening its grip on your borrowed Caltech shirt as if you were a buoy that could keep him afloat. Your hands found solace in softly caressing his locks of hair that were slowly sticking to his forehead due to sweat. It was a sign you knew all to well—a nightmare had come and hooked it’s long, black claws to his once pitiful slumber.

His hand shot up to yours with a grip so tight that a small whimper left your lips. 

“Spencer,” you whispered. “Spence, it’s me—“ his eyelids still closed shut. “—I’m here. You’re safe—”

His voice hoarse from sleep. “No. No. No. Not her, please—hurt me—take me instead. Please.”

A single tear escaped from his eyes. Spencer was once again losing, begging, pleading to an unsub that is incapable of remorse and relishes in his suffering. You chewed on your lip before leaning down and placing feather like kisses to any part of his beautiful yet strained face you could reach. 

“Come back, Spence,” you breathed out. “It’s me. You’re safe—we’re safe. Come back to me.” 

His hand holding yours slowly losing it’s death grip as his eyelids fluttered to an open. Unfocused doe eyes staring into yours before his wetted lips opened to form a word. No sound came out but you understood.

It was your name. 

It was you he was pleading for in his dreams. 

A tremor passed through, his taught body relaxing onto yours. Spencer was coming to.

“Love?” He called. 

Your pink lips stretched to form a small smile. “Hey, you. Are you alright?”

“I—I don’t—” he slowly sat up, matching your position, leaning against the headrest. “It was Cat Adams. I dreamt she had—” his calloused hand dwarfing yours. “—somehow escaped and got to you. And then, she got me too. When I came to, she had us tied in front of each other and a gun against your head and all I could think of was—” his voice trailed off.

Maeve. 

“—and I just kept thinking, ‘not again, I can’t lose you’ and she kept taunting me about how I break everything I love. No matter how much I begged, she just kept laughing and laughing and I thought ‘I won’t make it without you. I refuse to. She’ll win and I’ll have nothing.’”

You wiped away the tears making its way down his face. The hatred that you felt for Cat Adams was dark and infinite. Yes, Spencer had beaten her twice at the sick, sick games he did not want to play in but during this moments when his guard was down and should be feeling safe in the confines of his own home, you questioned who really won and at what cost. 

You cradled his head to your chest, near the cavity that enclosed your beating organ that he fully branded as his own. “I’m safe, Spence. You hear that?” A pause. “That’s my heart, alive and beating. You’re with me and you’ve kept me safe.”

He inhaled, fingers slipping past the shirt to feel your skin, leaving in its wake goose flesh and butterflies settling on your stomach. “I love you. Stay with me?” 

“Always.”

Comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated!

[crazedear]

Arcane Timebomb fanfic recommendations

Omg! Look who's back after months of inactiveness on tumblr? Honestly I feel like I'm only coming back here after I find smth new to obsess over and need to satiate my cravings for content. It happened with staticradio, and now... TIMEBOMB??

I know I am not the only one who's mind have been taken over by this particular ship after the finale of Arcane season 2. It's one of those ships where its basically canon, but just the confirmation isn't enough to satisfy our hearts without the content along with it.

There is SO many fanarts out already (I am not complaining one bit) and although the Jinx x ekko tag has been growing exponentially on ao3, I haven't seen a lot of recent fanfic recommendation posts yet and I want to change that.

As always, please feel free to recommend me any other fanfic that you think can be added to the list! I want this list to be fully open to those who want to contribute.

To all the times I've dreamt of you

Written by: timebomblover (sibzzz)

Rated T

Words: 1,713 (Oneshot)

In the aftermath of tragedy, Ekko is left haunted by the memory of Jinx—his lost love, his greatest regret, and his deepest mystery. As grief consumes him, the signs begin to appear—whispers in the shadows, echoes in forgotten places, and fragments of a past he refuses to let go of. Could she still be alive? Or is his mind unraveling beneath the weight of what he’s lost? In a journey through pain, obsession, and hope, Ekko searches for the truth, ready to do anything to find out if his lover is truly out there somewhere.

Sunbeams

Written by: Multimousefanatic

Rated T

Words: 5,969 (Complete - Chapters 2/2)

If there had been any doubt in her mind before he said those words, it disappeared faster than Sevika’s arm. “Is that what all this is about? You want to forgive me?”

Like It's the Last Time

Written by: Zeezeepearl

Rated T

Words: 3,727 (Oneshot)

Jinx returns to Zaun, seeking Ekko's help. She has unfinished business, and he has very little time.

Got All Of Your Insides?

Written by: Lunar_Angel

Rated T

Words: 5,597 (Ongoing - Chapters 2/3)

Powder, Vi and Ekko have their last proper conversation. Powder and Ekko finally come clean about some long pent up feelings.

Hold me right here

Written by: kimekosu

Rated T

Words: 6,271 (Oneshot)

Ekko coped with her death by forcing himself to dream of his memories of her. Some were painful, while some reminded him of why he fell for her in the first place.

Then unexpectedly, the Anomaly popped into one of his dreams, offering him a chance to teleport himself right into a memory, where he could possibly alter her fate.

The Heart of Zaun

Written by: 1ts_Br1tney_B1tch

Not rated

Words: 25,286 (Ongoing - Chapters 6/?)

Silco felt wrath, pride, and respect battle within him as he witnessed the small band of Firelights—only 5 members strong, and not much older than children judging by their size—decimate his men and destroy yet another shipment of shimmer. Thousands of gold cogs wasted, money that would have been used to build his empire until it could stand against Piltover's council, and yet as he watched the green streaks through the sky, he couldn't help but think these Firelights were Zaunite to their core. These young rebels embodied the spirit of Zaun almost as much as his own daughter, Jinx.

He glanced down at her now, only to pause at the still expression on her face. Her gaze tracked one of the masked figures unerringly—the leader, if Silco was reading their dynamics right—eyes just a bit too wide, and her fingers twitched by her side. He'd seen her get like this before, when she was confronted with her past.

She knows him.

An idea begins to take shape in Silco's mind.

Or: Silco wants to recruit the Firelights. Too bad they hate his guts.

Genius and Madness

Written by: Malbec

Rated T

Words: 6,266 (Ongoing - Chapters 5/?)

Once Ekko comes back from the alternate universe, he meets Jinx again, only to find her in the verge of suicide. How can he convince her to keep living and stay to create a new life? What did Jinx and Ekko do next?

Taking a leap forward (means leaving a few things behind)

Written by: thefifthchris

Rated T

Words: 12,491 (Ongoing - Chapters 5/9)

Time slows. Four seconds. Ekko shouts. Something is wrong. There’s no time to think. Heimerdinger jumps out of the singularity, and, in his place–

Powder takes the leap.

In another timeline, Piltover tries to rebuild. No Hexgate, no fancy Hextech, nothing. Vi is familiar with this: raw labor, strength as its own language, sweat dripping between her shoulder blades. No, she thinks. There is no time to mourn.

A tale of two sisters. Even worlds apart, they'll still always find each other.

Powder & Ekko (& Timebomb) Collections

Written by: Rhyagelle

Not rated

Words: 158,197 (Ongoing - Chapters 48/?)

This is a collection of various Powder and Ekko themed flashbacks/stories, ranging from one-shots to multi-parts or full part chapters. There will be chapters dealing with just one of them or the other, as well as any kind of Timebomb content (meaning, chapters with both of them, together). It's to dig into the very adorable and dorky friendship the two very clearly possessed, as well as what might have been like for them during their childhood, before everything turned to shit. And yes, if it's not clear, there will be Ekko x Powder! It's just not the ONLY focus (but it is in my heart <3).

(I didn't find this fanfic myself and I actually got it from @lady-griffin's Timebomb recommendation post from 2 years ago. This was just one of my favs from their list I just had to include it in a more recent post so more people can see it. Please go check out her own list)

The Risk of Fall

Written by: Sapphic_Jezus

Rated T

Words: 9,891 (Ongoing - Chapters 2/?)

“Vi.” Mylo or Claggor—it doesn’t matter who—speaks up, and Vi turns to them, her panic spilling into the room.

“We can’t just leave her,” Claggor says evenly, his voice steady as a rock. He meets her eyes, unflinching. “She’s not safe here either. If they come for her…”

Or; What if they didn't just leave Ekko and Powder behind?

.

.

.

.

I know, I know, It's very short, dont come for me. I'm tryna focus on quality more than quantity yall, gimme time to load up my arsenal!

Anyways yeh! feel free to recommend me stuff to add, it can be anywhere, from ao3, wattpad, fanfic.net, etc. go crazy.

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids, 

If you consume a certain type of online content about friendship (often in the form of “10 signs of a fake friend” and similar), you may almost get to the conclusion that anyone who is not your best friend is your enemy - or at the very least, that any friend who doesn’t know *everything* about you is entirely worthless to your life and you would be better off cutting them out.

That’s a pretty radical view of human relationships, and it would ultimately cost you a lot of joyful social interactions if you strictly adhered to it. 

Unless you barricade yourself in your room and never leave it (which would be pretty awful for your mental health), you will end up in situations where you have regular interactions with people who are not your best friend ever. The ability to be friendly to those people, to enjoy those connections, isn’t “fake” or “toxic”. It’s an important source of positive social interactions and a valuable tool to fight loneliness.

If you have a constant social circle, these may be the friends (or partners, family members etc) of your friends, those “I’m not directly friends with Rose but I’m friends with Lisa and Lisa is friends with Rose” situations. But even if you do not have a circle like that (because you don’t make friends easily, you have social anxiety etc.), there will most likely be some “casually friendly” people in your life, as these are often simply the people who happen to be at the same place at the same time as you: colleagues, classmates, neighbors, people at places you frequent (employees in stores, patients in group therapy etc.), or even just the guy who waits for the same bus as you do every Monday morning. 

These people wouldn’t be the first one you’d call if you need help with a potentially life changing decision. They don’t know all your deepest secrets, fears and desires, they may not even be able to name your favorite color (or hey, maybe not even your name), and they certainly won’t be able to list all your identity labels, political beliefs, medical diagnoses, traumatic experiences and sexual fantasies - but they don’t need to. 

It’s wonderful if you have a best friend (or another close relationship) who fulfills that role of being someone you’d trust blindly, someone who knows you inside and out. But not everyone you are friendly with needs to be that for you. There’s enough other roles. Acquaintances, work friends, casual friends, small-talk friends… those roles aren’t worthless. They won’t be the one you call at 3 am after a breakup, but they can inject a bit of joy in your everyday life. They can offer friendly interactions that come with no pressure to go beyond the surface (something that’s valuable in itself! It would be very exhausting if everyone already knew everything about you and every conversation had to be deep and philosophical). 

Plus, only knowing each other in one context has its advantages: your best friend may not know anything about the printer issue in your office but your office friend sure does! And if you met someone in a crime novel forum and all you ever talk about is crime novels, is that really negative? Isn’t it beautiful to know someone who shares your passion for that genre and is always happy to talk about it? 

Of course an office friend or a crime novel friend can also become a best friend over the years. There are plenty of people who meet in a specific context, bond in that context and gradually develop a relationship out of that context as well. But one-context friends still enrich your life. 

Even if that context is purely “we say hi when we see each other at the bus stop”, it’s a positive social interaction - and those will bring color and joy into both of your lives. 

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Dad 

[hismourningflower]

YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN HER | genshin impact fanfiction. zhongli x gn!reader — angst, hurt/no comfort, hanahaki disease, mentions of blood, gagging, death, decomposition, dealing with grief and guilt. not proofread or edited.

idle chatter. this is also a reupload from my old blog... i'm such a thief gasp <3 library waiting list. @lovingluxury @dumbificat @starryshinyskies @ryuryuryuyurboat @ainescribe @bfjax @soleillunne @sangoqueenkoko

aventurine's addition. "alexi will forget if i don't remind her - here is the link to 'you're not her,' the first part of this angst."

the scene haunts him vividly. it creeps into every crevice of his mind, every nerve that has harboured all the knowledge he could ever acquire over these past centuries; it affects his psyche. in the darkness behind his eyelids - should he be brave enough to dare let his eyelashes sink shut - he sees every detail left of his beloved - you.

the guilt eats at him, nagging at his bones and tearing at his flesh, leaving only remnants of searing pains when he can't help but blame himself that he let it get this far - that he even let it happen. it was something so simple that he could avoided, at least that's what he tells himself. zhongli isn't stupid, not when he's walked teyvat this long and seeked enough knowledge for his own curiosity - albeit never comparable to that of the dendro archon. he knows it couldn't have been avoided, for that is why the guilt rips him apart so brutally.

but yet there is one simple way it could have been avoided. he should have never fell in love with you. the thought aches his heart and he finds his grip tightening around the tea cup in his hands, paled knuckles concealed by his oh-so-familiar gloves. amber eyes resembling the cor lapis native to his own country close shut and the horrific scenes creep back in.

the man admits to oversleeping that morning, the comfort of familiar bedsheets drowning him in a warmth incomparable to anything else. his routine with you was a simple one; he was always the last to bed but always the first to rise. zhongli used it as an excuse for you to never see his bare skin, the dark tones that cover his large hands and fade up his arms, decorated in veins of golds and oranges. he would get up and dressed, pulling black gloves over his hands before your eyelashes could even flutter open.

that was the way your relationship had ticked for the months it had been ongoing. that was the way zhongli kept his deepest secrets locked away, thinking it was for the best; it wouldn't cause problems if you knew, you was a mortal. zhongli knew he was facing the sandglass of time when it came to your life in the first place. is that what shattered the sandglass so soon? ending your life with a severed tie that happened too early, taking you from him when he was least prepared?

the bed was empty by the time zhongli awoke. the first fleeting thought that crossed the geo archon's mind was his secrets, his hidden gems - had you seen it all? had you left him? the second thought to cross his mind was in regards to your safety. he was certainly no fool, he knew he had enemies even with the lack of people who knew his true identity. you never rose before him and at least he would have expected you to wake him.

zhongli has traced the corridors and winding paths of your shared house many times. he's taken the stairs so much they're worn from the use of you both - and your guests, when the likes of xiao, hu tao or your friends come to visit. in every footstep, the man has memorised every inch of the house; every painting, every vase, every floorboard and in these steps he takes routinely, he knows the house is never this silent however there's no proof of a break-in. there's no distress, no signs of damage or disruption.

the earth has taken your body for its own in the span of a few hours, vines creeping across your body as if to tie you to the ground. celestia forbid someone tried to give you a proper burial, your clothes and skin stained in a dark red as the blood that flooded out of your mouth hours ago begins to oxidise. it paints the grass surrounding you and in the summer heat of the liyue sun, it creates a foul stench that suffocates the garden you'd spent so much of your time in.

there are flowers beginning to bloom on the vines tethering you to the earth, in shades of white so pure, it pales in comparison to the glaze lilies that had damaged your internal organs so ferociously. the sweet floral scents create a bitter tang in the air mixed with the metallic waft of blood and the unforgettable smell of the unavoidable rot your body was going through in the heat. this is what undeniably lead him to find you.

it makes him gag, turning his head away the second he steps outside into what is usually the clean air of liyue's countryside. his eyes fall to the pile of wilted glaze lilies you'd compiled in the far corner, hidden behind an apple tree you'd been growing. it's beginning to finally bear its fruits. zhongli notes that you will never see your apple tree's first harvest.

it feels as if he's stabbed in the chest when he finally musters the courage to look at you - or rather, what he thinks is you. your cheeks are sunken and your skin is beginning to tighten against muscles and bone, this isn't the you he remembers kissing goodnight last night. this isn't the you that would pepper kisses on his face when he expresses how tired he is after his shifts at the wangsheng funeral parlour.

this isn't who he fell in love with. this wasn't the human he should have never fell in love with because by gods, if there was anyone zhongli should have known to trust the least, it should have been celestia. he was a fool for thinking he could ever get away with loving a mortal, even after faking his death and attempting to step away from the title of the geo archon. he was still immortal up until his eventual erosion. he had still seen centuries past and people die around him.

was this celestia's curse upon you for his own regretful actions? the things he shouldn't have done and most certainly shouldn't have said? the sultry whispers and lingering touches that he knew was wrong from the start? but he loved you. he knew he loved you.

the scene of sharp branches coated in blood twisting and turning out of your mouth is unpleasant and the grass surrounding you is a distasteful red as he falls limp to his knees beside your growth - your corpse. his hands, free from their gloves, fumble with leaves and vines, attempting to pull them clear from your face in his shaking grasp as his thumbs gently wipe under your closed eyes, caked with dry blood.

your name falls from his parted lips when bitter tears sting his eyes for the first time in centuries. there's a raw emotion ripping him to the shreds and that was long buried in the depths of his very being - grief. it swallows him, forcing a choked sob from him as he hunches over what was his lover. he closes his eyes, holding his breath to keep from breathing in that sickening, overwhelming stench as he tries to remember your face from last night.

those distinct features he'd fell in love with, the glitter of your eyes and that smile he loved oh so much - he recalls the times hu tao managed to draw that smile onto your face with her mere presence. zhongli gags at the thought of having to tell her and the others about your death. does he lie again? you passed away in your sleep - but where has lying got him in the past? here.

why hadn't you told him? had baizhu been behind this too? after all this time he assumed the doctor could be classed as a loyal friend, zhongli realises that he was wrong. if he hadn't of kept it a secret, could zhongli have saved your life? the archon grimaces. this is not the time to be doubting the security of the relationships he has with the people around him. even as he contemplates the reasons you kept your disease secret from him, he runs over every thought of loving you.

to him, he would never love anyone or anything as much as he loved you. nothing could ever be comparable to his love for you; not even after all these centuries of aimlessly wandering teyvat and not even for all the future centuries that he would continue to walk, heartbroken and grief-stricken without you by his side for even a few more years.

you should have been her.

⊹˚₊‧───────────────‧₊˚⊹

© thexianzhoujade 2024. | reblogs appreciated | do not re-upload, copy, translate, etc. my works on any form of media.

[achillean-knight]

As stated can't draw kids LMFAO But I tried.

Charlies Design: I went with the overalls and baggy shirt because of like- one image that popped up and I thought it was pretty neat LMAO According to my Mum, fashion for kids in the 80's was like- Hand me downs, but idk, I don't think Charlie has an older sibling to give her outfits, maybe nicked Henry's old shirt or something lmao idk, but I like the design I went with, I think it's pretty neat. Also gave her short hair mostly to make a homage to little me who back when Pizzaria Sim released, didn't realise the sprite of Charlie had like, a ponytail?? And drew her with incredibly short hair. Also, I really like the hairstyle for her so! :D

Puppet design: For my AU in fact :> (Also whoops, ignore my signature being backwards, I didn't realise the thing was flipped when I signed it LMAO) My idea for her, is an entity that resides in the V.A.N.N.I mask. After Cassie obtains it- the puppet entity guides her to a place of rest, a tree in the deepest parts of the program for her to protect her. Like the deepest parts of the Balloon Boy minigame in FNAF 3 where you see the tree with the kids under it? Surely that wasn't programmed. The puppet entity hijacked the masks program, hence the nightmarionne plushies you see, but she recognised Cassie as a child and to shield her from the virus, she saves her and brings her to the haven. I have alot more ideas for the puppet entity... might make a little comic.

---------------------------------

INSPIRATIONS FOR THE PUPPETS DESIGN UNDER THE CUT

(for funsies lmao) Inspirations for design: Nyx - Persona 3 Crepera the Rogue - Final Fantasy 15

Lanky lass with a pretty sick as mask or face idk what's going on with Nyx lmao But yeah, I felt I should mention- both for fun because I really love these designs and also incase people find similarities along the way and its a small message sayin' "hell yeah man >:D Spot on!"

[xxl4vend3rxx]

Meet Rei!

This is going to be my elongated introduction to my KNY Oc - Rei.

Over on my Pinterest (@L4vend3R_823) I have shown some art I've made for her, and I am currently working on an insert for her that will most likely be posted to Wattpad // Ao3 as they are what seems to be the most accessible to the people on my Pinterest that wanted to know more about her!

I'll attach some photos of her, then dive right into her introduction and analysis!

(All of these were my own work - Please do not repost // trace WITHOUT CREDIT OR PERMISSION - if you ask the answer is absolutely going to be yes, it's the principle of asking for permission that matters most to me!)

WARNING: SEVERE MANGA SPOILER IF YOU ARE AN ANIME ONLY!

#1 - Basic information:

Name: Reiko (Rei) Hamanaka.

Age: 16

Birthday: January seventh.

Sign: Capricorn.

Breathing style: Flame.

Crow name: Tadashi Hamanaka

Corps rank Kinoe

Species: Human // demon.

Demonic Presentation: Passive*

#2 - Physical Traits:

Eye colour: Purple.

Hair colour: Light brown.

Scars // marks: Slit scar car under right eye, scar on right forearm, large claw scar on left hip, bite scar on left shoulder, right ankle scratch scars.

Other noticeable features: Eyes always looking around // Longer outer lashes

Height: 166cm // 5'6" // 1.66M

Build: Lean // muscular.

Health status: Healthy // Heightened healing factor due to her demon half, but she does scar if she heals the would too suddenly and // or has lost a lot of blood - but if its a small scrape or cut it can be healed with no traces of its existence in a matter of moments // she tends not to let herself rest as long as she should.

#3 - Personality // Facts:

Personality type: ENFJ

Motivation: To get a calm life for her found family to enjoy - no demons, no struggle. However she does still want to have a goal in her life even after they kill all demons, as it gives her a sense of purpose and something to work toward.

Biggest fear: To succumb to her demonic half - or worse hurt someone she loves. And vice versa; if any of them were to be turned and she would have to kill them, but she doesn't have it in her, not to have the people she loves die by her blade.

General demeanour: Approachable, loyal, dependable (However, once she is angered she is hard to calm.

Skills // Hobbies: Swordsmanship // Stamina // Singing // Cooking // Playing piano // Reading.

Positive traits - And their downsides: Independent - Will not ask for help // Selfless - no regard for her own safety or even survival // Strong moral compass - stubborn to a fault.

Complexes: Inferiority // Saviour // intense survivor's guilt

Best memories: Her first kiss // Getting her blade to change colours // Killing an upper moon for the first time in 100 years // Finalising an Engagement

Worst memories: Loosing her brother // Failing to save Kana** // Loosing bonds with family and friends because of her simply existing // Her trial // The twisted dream from the Mugen Train // Hearing Tanjiro had been turned into a demon.

Most defining moment: She was presumed dead, but rushed to aid her comrades in battle against their best friend was turned, facing her deepest fear, all while having just lost the love of her life, and succeeding to do so.

Habits: Touching at her pendant // Pulling at the hem of her haori // Playing with her hair // Raising hands to her mouth if she is shocked // Lashes fluttering if she is embarrassed or flustered // Clasping her nose bridge if she is thinking, frustrated or stressed.

Places of residence: Initially the place she was raised by her birth mother for nearly a year, before she was abandoned to the Hamanaka household, where she was given her name // Then the Rengoku residence till she left to join the Kamado siblings on their missions, where she never had a set place to live as she was always on the move and often setting up camps for the night // The Butterfly Mansion became a go-to spot for short periods of rest // and from the early beginning of the entertainment district arc, she and Senjuro resided in the Uzui mansion.

*I have a headcannon about this that you'll see on my other account that this will be reposted to xx

** Kana was a girl from the final selection that Rei and Genya fought alongside against a demon // that gave her life to shield Rei and Genya. Rei couldn’t save her and it burdens her to this day.

Okay basic summary:

It was inevitably realised that Rei was a half demon, even she was not aware of this until her and Tanjiro met Tamayo in Asakusa. She was trialled with Nezuko and given consent to stay as member of the corps, but that she would most likely not progress to a rank higher than Kinoe. Clearly, Shinjuro was furious with this, and when Rei came home for Kyojuro's funeral, for he first time in he best part of a year, he confronted her and became physically violent. Rei left with Senjuro and the two of them had been residing in Uzui's mansion since.

And that's all so far!! Some things may change over time as I inevitably make changes and tweaks to either her design or character xx

[scientia-rex]

Some Thoughts on Antipsychotic Medications

Ok, enough of you seemed interested in this when I asked in my antidepressant post (don't ask me for a link, search my goddamn tumblr for it, oh my GOD people were so lazy about my post on bariatric surgery). Once again, this is NOT medical advice, medical advice must be TAILORED TO THE INDIVIDUAL, that's the whole POINT of a professional field, literally every answer is "it depends" and without being your doctor, which I better not be because if you're my patient reading this I need to nuke my entire social media presence, I can't give you good advice and I wouldn't anyway because I already work 115% time and I'm very tired and you don't pay me.

There's a lot of crossover between "antipsychotic" and "mood stabilizer." I don't have as much experience with antipsychotics as I do with antidepressants, but more than your average bear. So you may see a med here and go "wait, what?" because of that overlap.

It's also worth discussing what psychosis is. There are a lot of media representations, and they are generally very stupid and bad. About 3% of the population will have a psychotic episode in their lifetime, so keep that in mind when you're talking about psychosis. There's about a 1 in 30 chance that the person you're talking to will actually have had psychosis, and a much higher chance that someone they know or love will. So don't be a dick about it. Psychosis involves losing the ability to distinguish what is reality and what is not. It seems to involve overactivity of dopaminergic transmission in specific brain pathways. It tends to be very frightening for its sufferers, although not always. Psychotic symptoms can range from a persistent delusion--I have one patient who is quite simply certain that they have worms in their lungs, despite all the tests indicating that they don't--to hallucinations of voices, to visual hallucinations, and any combination of those. Delusions and hallucinations are often negatively valenced, which means that they make the sufferer feel bad in some way, whether it's an auditory hallucination of someone telling you you're the devil, or a delusion that you're being persecuted by conspiracies for unclear reasons, or hallucinations of shadowy figures out of the corner of your eye. Delusions, when I see them in my patient, often reflect a patient's deepest fear. I had one patient who was a caregiver and they were fixated on the idea that there was a conspiracy of people watching them and setting up "tests" to make sure they weren't hurting patients or doing drugs.

It's also worth mentioning meth. Meth is one of the major causes I see of psychotic symptoms (especially since I'm in a rural area), and you need to understand that the longer and the more you do meth, the higher the likelihood of persistent psychotic symptoms. When I was a med student on an inpatient high-acuity psych ward, I had a very pleasant gentleman who'd been doing meth for years. It's tough to get a clear history, but my impression was that he probably hadn't developed psychotic symptoms until multiple years into daily use of meth--but now, despite being on the ward for over a week, there was no sign of the psychosis going away. He believed he could say things to passing cars and the sound would travel with the car, and someone miles away would hear it. He also believed there were indistinct white figures who hovered around his campsite. (He was homeless.) Meth can break your brain. Don't do meth.

The original antipsychotics are old school. We're talking the 1930s. Promethazine was developed in the process of trying to come up with antihistamines. First-generation antipsychotics are dopamine antagonists, and that means that they're blocking a large proportion of dopaminergic transmission both in the brain pathways related to psychotic symptoms, but also in the pathways related to reward, which sucks. When you think of "antipsychotics," this is most likely what you're thinking of unless you have personal experience with antipsychotics. First-generation antipsychotics include haloperidol (Haldol), chlorpromazine (Thorazine), and a handful of others, but it's a smaller class than the second generation.

Second-generation antipsychotics were a game changer. These are serotonin-dopamine antagonists. They include risperidone (Risperdal), paliperidone (Invega-Sustenna), quetiapine (Seroquel), aripiprazole (Abilify), olanzapine (Zyprexa), lurasidone (Latuda), ziprasidone (Geodon), and also clozapine, AKA the antipsychotic everyone hates prescribing because it can cause your white blood cells to suddenly go bye-bye and boom, you're at huge risk for infection. The only patient I've ever seen develop clear, unambiguous serotonin syndrome was on clozapine. I don't prescribe it as an outpatient family doctor; it's a medication of last resort, and more often seen in inpatient settings due to the need for frequent blood tests to monitor.

Because the brain is a great recycler, we also use dopamine in the control of our movements. This means that one of the more serious side effects of antipsychotics is a problem with movement. This is typically going to be something called "tardive dyskinesia," which means "slow messed up movement," but in Greek because we're fancy. TD is dreaded because we can't always reverse it. A medication called benztropine can help, but the better option, if at all possible, is to get someone off the medication that called the TD in the first place.

If you're keeping track, you're noticing that dopamine does a lot in the brain: the reward pathway, psychotic symptoms, movement. Your body also uses it for stuff outside the brain, like affecting gut motility and blood vessel dilation. It is really hard to come up with medications that only affect one thing, because the body will use the same messaging systems over and over. This is a big part of why there's some much cross-talk between medications that are ostensibly for one thing but used for many other things.

First-generation antipsychotics can be particularly bad about making people feel flat and incapable of feeling joy. The technical term for "incapable of feeling joy" is "anhedonia," Greek again, this time for "no happiness." This is incredibly punishing and people will often go off their meds in order to feel something. I don't want to hear any bullshit blaming people who do this. You probably would too, and learning not to throw rocks from a glass house is critical to being a decent fucking human being. However, it does mean that I have much more success keeping patients on second-generation antipsychotics. There is both a lower risk of anhedonia and a lower risk of TD, so in general, unless someone doesn't respond to second-generation antipsychotics, they won't be started on a first-generation. I have absolutely used first-gen antipsychotics for patients but they're more typical in the inpatient setting, where it's okay--and sometimes a good thing--if someone is sedated. One memorable example was in an emergency department where a woman was violent and had to be restrained with both physical restraints and a spit hood. We can't just go around sedating people these days--that's a whole-ass thing, because for a long time "treatment" in inpatient facilities was too often taken to be "sedation"--but boy howdy, she needed some Haldol.

I also work part time at the county jail, and while I again try hard not to use first-generation psychotics in patients who didn't come in on them, there are patients who actively request Haldol because they hate how being totally wound up and psychotic feels. I write for them to have as-needed oral doses. This means if they ask the jail nurse for it, they can get it, and it helps immensely.

The leading cause of death for patients with mental illness is heart disease. Antipsychotics tend to cause weight gain, and that is not only psychologically distressing to my patients because we live in a fatphobic world, it's probably related to worsened insulin function. Unfortunately, just putting everyone on an antipsychotic on preventative metformin (a medication that improves insulin sensitivity) also didn't work when we tried it, so we don't do that. But it's scary. I'm actually really hopeful that this new GLP-1 agonist med class that's in constant shortages because it causes weight loss (Ozempic, Wegovy, etc.) will be an option to help improve long-term health for psychotic patients. Some antipsychotics are worse than others for weight gain, but there are few genuine head to head comparisons of effectiveness, so I can't say "X works better than Y," we just have to pick one based on a) my familiarity with it and b) whether it seems like a good idea. I also feel it is better to be fat than dead, so if someone needs one of the more fat-inducing antipsychotics to live their life and/or have a decent quality of life, I'll prescribe it and I fucking dare you to talk shit, I will eat you.

My clinical experience has been that Seroquel and Abilify are the best-tolerated antipsychotics. I don't know why. Someone else might, but those are the ones I usually reach for unless someone is having really severe symptoms, in which case I think risperidone works faster. Data are, again, generally pretty weak.

But mostly I want you to remember that psychosis is not a funny punchline, "psychotic" is a shitty fucking insult to use, and someone you know and love probably has psychosis. Some people have a single break and it never happens again, some people can control it with medication, some people need to be institutionalized. It's a life-changing illness and people with severe psychosis, yes, even the weird ones who scare you, are still human beings whose lives have exactly the same inherent value as yours, and who deserve the exact same inalienable human rights as you do. Any other approach is garbage. Human rights are not negotiable.

[strawberrystepmom]

hi kendy!

I have a few questions for your astro event.

the event could be for selfships or other ships, right? the charts could be sent like this?

if this is okay then I'd like to see what their romantic compatibility looks like. I know in canon Ichigo doesn't believe in horoscopes or astrology, but I can see him reading something that resonates with him and he can't help but think about inés.

also if it's not too much, I'd also like to see the sexuality readings for another OC of mine.

if it ends up being too much, you can def pick which one to do, I'll be happy with either one! I hope you have a pleasant rest of your day~ 🤗🤗

omg i loooooove working on people's oc's so absolutely <333 also ichigo is a big ol stiff. i'll bet after all the shit he's seen in canon by the time postcanon comes around he's a smidge more willing to at least look at his horoscope in the paper and scoff in amusement aldjfasjdfasfd

compatibility reading:

SO one of my go-to catchphrases in astrology is that nobody understands a water sign better than another water sign. The water signs feel deeply, they experience life in a way that requires touching although it’s emotional touching. They wanna feel everything, bad or good, because feeling means you’re alive. Cancer and scorpio are a great match on the sun level - they may both have similar core beliefs about the world and how to live in it. Morals are very important to Cancer placements especially so finding a partner that can stand with them and do the right thing is paramount. Scorpio will do that, loyal until the end.

I also appreciate Inés and Ichigo having the same moon sign here! Moon is your (using the royal you here) internal world, your deepest darkest thoughts you may tuck away fearing being misunderstood. Having the same placement here can indicate a really deep connection and great mutual understanding about how the other feels and processes their feelings. 

I will say one area of trouble that could form between the two is with their respective Mars placements. Cancer Mars in men can manifest either as someone who communicates super passive aggressively or someone who is very caring and is able to use that to the fullest of its ability. Inés has a Libra Mars which can sometimes make them come off as indecisive or difficult to pin down on a hard opinion, something Cancer dislikes. Consistency, predictability, patterns - that’s what a Cancer likes so when a person has an opinion or stance that is an outlier in how they usually would behave, that’s when the passive aggressive “I don’t even know who you are” kicks in. That being said, Ichigo is extremely mature and I don’t think this would be an insurmountable issue or point to bad compatibility. 

Venus placement compatibility is also good for these two! Air for air, an understanding of the fact that you can want both romance and space to be yourself. Their love will likely evolve many many times during its length - perhaps friends to lovers? Enemies to friends to lovers? Who knows but I do know that air sign love is very changeable, they can become whatever their partner needs them to be wherever they’re at in their lives. 

Overall - good compatibility. May have some communication issues if Inés struggles with being direct but nothing relationship ending. A recommended bonding activity for them would be something mentally stimulating, maybe a board game or video game. Challenging one another is always a good way to keep the other involved!

sexuality reading:

Nice to meet you Kazue! <3 her chart made me smile very large because I love it, it just screams passionate, emotional lover to me.

So let’s start with that Libra sun! Libra, of course, is THE placement of love. It values fairness, beauty, romance, all things luscious and lovely and highly visible in this world are things revered by Libra. They pride themselves on being wonderful companions and very beautiful ones at that. They are a little indecisive and sometimes like to be chased (I have a feeling she really likes to be chased but I’ll get into that shortly) but once you have them, they’re there for life. It’s just that whole getting them thing…

Cancer moon is a really deep, introspective moon placement to have. Very emotional. She likely deals with a little bit of angst around how she’s perceived (read: people’s potential lust toward her) vs. how she wants to be taken as a person (read: seriously, not like a piece of meat that people have projected fantasy onto). Cancer can get frustrated with Libra and its flexible nature. I wouldn’t call Cancer rigid, it’s too emotional for that, but it likes to know what it’s dealing with as I discussed above a little bit. She may really like consistent displays of sexuality - the same routine every time and this can be reinforced by her Virgo Venus. They don’t tend to be super freaky people but they have these hidden, secret desires and there is a lot of repression in Virgo that the right partner can help them overcome. They tend to have kinks that have to do with strong roles (mommy/daddy kink is a common one) but they keep them very hush hush. It takes a very astute partner to pick up on it.

Now back to the she likes to be chased thing. Leo Mars loves to be chased. More than that it loves to be adored, worshipped, revered and to have it proven to them that they’re viewed that way. Source: also a Leo Mars. This can create a situation where Leo is feeding into Libra and saying “y’know…i think they just need to prove it a littttttle more” which can make her feel very conflicted about her feelings. 

Overall she’s very passionate. Dreamy and will give her partner fantasies if they want them but she deserves a partner who will help her fulfill her own too. 

liked what you read here? stop by my event and submit a request!

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

Soulmate Drabble 3

Howard didn't dare look up at Davrin. The elf was busy with Assan and Bellara was holding herself back from the avalanche of questions she wanted to ask. It was a distraction.

Good. Howard needed it.

He fiddled with his glove, the one hiding the elven Mark. For most of his life he'd hidden it. Common among the Tevinter public to hide their marks. Pretend they didn't exist, mimicked from the Altus and Magisters who never spoke of their soulmates.

Howard glanced at his other wrist, knowing what was on there. All dwarves like him had the List. The List was a set of notes of the deepest regrets and joys that their soulmate had. Howard remembered as a child he would eagerly read every new note.

Learned how to herd Halla

Used a sword for the first time

Left my clan. Why did I do that?

Lost my friend.

After Howard became a ‘he’, leaving behind his home which didn't understand (he still traded letters with his mother who loved him. Still. He pretended the ‘still’ didn't hurt) he had prayed to find his soulmate. To adore whoever it was with all his heart.

Became the bodyguard for the griffons

He'd known upon seeing Davrin the truth. He had known it in his soul. There was no lights since they did not touch skin to skin. No sign. But he knew.

Yet he couldn't speak up. His throat became tight and his hands shook. He was scared. Terrified.

What if he lost Davrin? What if Davrin didn't want him? What if Davrin had seen ‘found himself to be trans’ and hated Howard?

He was scared.

Arriving at the dock in the crossroads, he got off, chatting about how cozy it was, when Neve and Lucanis ran up to them, panicked.

What has happened?

-

Howard sat in his room, staring at his hands.

Treviso was… it was Blighted. Destroyed. He… he had known it would not fair as well as Minrathous. But he couldn't abandon his city. The place where he'd met friends, people like him. Where he'd found a home.

He felt sick.

The door opened and Howard looked up. “Ah, Davrin. Do you… need…” Howard trailed off as the elf lifted his wrist. “Oh,” Howard looked away. “What does it say?”

“Abandoned Treviso,” Davrin said calmly. He moved to sit by Howard on the couch the dwarf slept on. The two sat there for a moment before Howard removed his gloves and offered the hand with the elven mark to Davrin. He took it silently, and the light of a elf bonc came to be. The two held hands for a moment before Davrin sighed.

“Its not your fault,” the elf said.

“Then why does it feel that way?” Howard sled before the first tears came. And he couldn't stop them.

His soulmate was there to comfort him, accepting him.

It felt good.

Notes:

Davrin and Howard build a pretty strong bond together. Davrin wants to kick the Mercer family into a hole for their treatment of Howard after he came out as a man.

And here are dwarven marks! Lists of their biggest regrets and joys. Another fun fact: dwarves and humans are the only races with spotty ability to find their soulmates. Elves and Qunari have showy ways of finding theirs but the others gotta work at it.

Hope you guys liked!

[mysteriouslytransparentwitch]

1st part of reading for 2024 (without zodiac sign) this part is free, read carefully, I built my tarot & oracle reading

keep this post in favorite it is valid all year 2024.

I will first use the animal oracle, there will be 5 categories each animal will give you advice for the area of introspection, posture, action, communication and transformation. Then I will put 2 or 3 cards from the threads of fate then there will be the tarot for the details OK!!!!

here we go

we start with the posture area, this the inverted gecko position which came with the sovereign and inverted trust position. Here is the message: I am here to tell you that your actions are not inspired by your values. you wonder about your pace are you late or early?! I'm here to help you align, it's time to delete something that is no longer relevant. I'm here to encourage you in your transformation! in your transformation, change is essential to any evolution. Accompanied by the sovereign and reversed trust position, we tell you here if you want to regain control and therefore your full power, you must face the truth otherwise no transformation like the butterfly is possible. You are reaching the end of the cycle with this full moon, you must transform yourself.

we continue with the frog and the love and the weaver cards. The frog represents the domain of transformation: I am here to help you in this transformation to make it easier, more fun, it is time to move on to something else. Good news is coming in the area of abundance. It's also time to take care of your physique (nothing is imposed on your physique) I am here to also remind you that we can be in touch with our depths and be aware of what is happening on earth. Give yourself love first, look at the beautiful, cultivate the passion for life, weave your truth, your vision in this fog, impose your vision of life, free yourself.

we continue with the scorpion and the cards of sacred sexuality and wisdom. The Scorpio represents the introspection domain here is its message: seize all opportunities say yes to the invitations of life (work, love, friendship) your mind is clear now. Set limits for those around you. with the card of sacred sexuality I hear its sacred feminine it is time to explore it it is a set of things, with wisdom you have learned things so you can better understand the surroundings and set limits and make the good choices for you.

we continue with the dog and the card of power and rejuvenation, the dog represents the area of communication: are you faithful to your values? me, the dog, I only listen to my heart and you? you have the right to readjust on your life path, you have the right to evolve and learn to adapt to your new environment (interior or exterior) do you know your deepest motivations? it's funny that the card to recharge your batteries comes back, yes you have the right to take a break and gain strength because you will come back stronger

we finish with the inverted horse position accompanied by the oracle cards share wisdom and the magi. The horse represents action here is its message are there still parts of your soul that are restrained? who is the master of your life? your soul ? your ego? who dominates who? It’s an opportunity to refocus, to clarify your direction, your projects! maybe you are going too fast or you are afraid to pick up your speed? you have learned a lot, it is time to let it brew and find the strength to move forward and take the train! it's time to play with the universe and see the magic develop in your life yes everything is possible you can become someone else or do something else or start all over again.

tarot: it's going to be a balancing act this year 2024 in terms of emotion and life choices, sometimes there will be solutions, sometimes not and that's when you will have to learn to let go. This will not stop you from moving forward and creating moments of happiness and/or success for you. it is also the moment where illusions end and rebirth takes place. You are going to make the choice of the heart here something will be on your path it will be able to give you answers but also opportunities, sometimes it could be nostalgia for the past but you know that you have to free yourself from that and start a new one chapter (we end with the tarot card of the world)

[verecunda]

Sooooo, for the Tolkien fandom, 8, 13 and 19, and for Aegnor/Andreth, 15, please! :D :D :D

Wooo, thank you! <3

Tolkien fandom:

8. ...a quote from it that means a lot to me.

SO MANY. But I'll go with this one:

And in that very moment, away behind in some courtyard of the City, a cock crowed. Shrill and clear he crowed, recking nothing of wizardry or war, welcoming only the morning that in the sky far above the shadows of death was coming with the dawn. And as if in answer there came from far away another note. Horns, horns, horns. In dark Mindolluin’s sides they dimly echoed. Great horns of the North wildly blowing. Rohan had come at last.

This is one of those moments of the reviving of hope that Tolkien does so well (and boy howdy, are we all needing some hope right now): the dawn breaking and heralding the coming of the Riders to Gondor's aid. Rohan had come at last. *screams*

But the bit with the cockerel hits me deepest. I know most people quote the bit with Sam seeing Gil-Estel and thinking "that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach." And I love that, but even more, I love this bit about the cockerel: how, even down here on Earth, even amidst the chaos, the natural rhythms of life still go on. It's one I hold onto.

13. ...which canon or popular fanon relationship I can't stand or feel 'meh' about and why.

Russingon. My eyes virtually glazed over just typing the damn name. X'D I'm sorry, Russingon friends, but it must be the most boring ship in the whole fandom.

19. ...one behind-the-scenes trivia fact I've learned somewhere and my thoughts on it.

Hey!! Did you know that when Aragorn screams after kicking that helmet, it's really Viggo screaming because he *gunshot*

XDD

Okay, apart from that one, I'm going to choose Tolkien's own remarks from that letter to W. H. Auden on the development of LOTR:

But I met a lot of things on the way that astonished me. Tom Bombadil I knew already; but I had never been to Bree. Strider sitting in the corner at the inn was a shock, and I had no more idea who he was than had Frodo. The Mines of Moria had been a mere name; and of Lothlórien no word had reached my mortal ears till I came there. Far away I knew there were the Horse-lords on the confines of an ancient Kingdom of Men, but Fangorn forest was an unforeseen adventure. I had never heard of the House of Eorl nor of the Stewards of Gondor. Most disquieting of all, Saruman had never been revealed to me, and I was as mystified as Frodo at Gandalf’s failure to appear on September 22. I knew nothing of the Palantíri, though the moment the Orthanc-stone was cast from the window I recognized it, and knew the meaning of the 'rhyme of lore' that had been running in my mind: seven stars and seven stones and one white tree.

As a writer, I always find this incredibly heartening. Middle-earth feels like such a complete, convincing world, you could almost believe he had worked out the whole tapestry before he ever put pen to paper - but no! Tolkien discovered much of it as he went along, just as we all do. I like to remember this when I feel I'm just flailing around in the dark. :D

Aegnor/Andreth:

15. ...how I wish their story would go/would have gone.

Ha! Well, I love a good tragedy, so on that level, I'm quite happy with their canon story. It's perfectly heartbreaking: the unfulfilled love, the might-have-beens, the only too understandable motives that led to their parting, Aegnor's refusal to leave Mandos because he just won't have any interest in rejoining a world without Andreth... *sobbing*

Plus, once you're aware of their story, you can trace its resonances in the wider story of the First Age, too. Like, is it even possible that Finrod didn't think of them when Beren arrived in Nargothrond? Yes, he read the signs of his own doom coming up on him, but it's impossible to believe he didn't think, "I couldn't/wouldn't give my blessing to Aegnor and Andreth, but I can, I will, do this for Andreth's kinsman." They're part of that great tapestry of fate.

But on a purely soppy level, NO. NO IT'S NOT FAIR. THEY DESERVED BETTER. THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN TOGETHER. SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH YOUR HIGHER PURPOSES OF DOOM, FINROD!!!!

Personally, I'm choosing to stick with the fixit I wrote. Or the one where Caranthir is their unlikely saviour. XD

Fandom ask meme

[nahalism]

peace be unto you!

how do you hear the voice of your intuition or the most high? or divine messages? how do you trust your own decisions?

most times when i make decisions, i second guess it and always seek validation to solidify the final decision made by someone else. it’s making me lose my power and firmly believing in myself.

i have a degree in education but i’m not qualified to be a class teacher yet- because i have to retake my science gcses. that’s the last thing i want to do rn. but looks like that’s the only thing left for me to make my dreams of being a teacher come true. (i have so many dreams aside that btw). my family wants me to get my pgce. do i want it? yes but the process is long but not so long and i’m seriously not so ready for educational studies rn. mmmh.

i now have to cancel my flight to ja so i can just do this which in all, it will take me two years to complete everything :’(.

i had to type the latter part of the text for context. anyway !

no pressure in replying.

<3

<3 hey love. we all hear the voice, as you said, its a matter of recognising it and trusting it when it arises. i believe that when we ask questions, we get answers. whether we receive them or not depends on if we make ourselves available to see the signs and listen to what they are communicating to us. so the biggest help is setting intention to open that line of communication from you to you and doing the work to let that part of yourself be vulnerable with you — you must trust that you're a safe space to house and embody your deepest desires, that you wont judge yourself or denigrate yourself for what you truly want, and that when that voice makes itself known to you, you wont just listen, but will act on what it directs you to do.

a huge part of this is also working on your self esteem. if that inner voice shows you a vision of yourself beyond your belief of what you can be/what you can achieve, and you haven't done the work to heal things that tamper with your self image, you will doubt that vision and probably bury it deep deep down out of fear. — i say this as someone who is still doing the work and still combatting my own fears and self doubt. — so ill list some things/concepts i practice that really help me not just discern what to do but actually receive the fruits of that discernment :: ♡

1) all things are from god. so in order to find what is righteous & meant for you on your path, its helpful to identify by process of elimination. (knowing what is not for you helps you identify what is). to do this, i study. i read scripture & comb through multiple texts of different practices. do my best to be mindful of practicing what they teach me & do other things like mind the company i keep, what i consume (whether thats food, media, people, environments, substances). ive found that doing this feeds my mind & heart with those things i wish to draw closer to and so keeps me on track, accountable & strengthens my discernment.

2) i force myself to remember every time i felt bitterness or resentment because i had an instinct i didn't follow and 'missed out' as a consequence. it helps me understand the pattern of how i doubt myself, why i doubt myself & when that doubt comes in. it also helps me differentiate where that voice is coming from. is it inspiration or doubt? sometimes the inspired voice makes me feel challenged, other times it feels expansive. the doubting one usually feels minimising, or neutral/keeps me in my comfort zone.

3) i take account of all parts of myself i've quietened or all the times i silenced my inner voice to be 'dutiful' to others or fit into a mould that let me hide amongst the crowd/be easily accepted, then i put myself in those same situations or revisit them mentally to challenge myself to show up authentically in them or at least understand what that would look like. since i had taught myself over time to ignore or not even hear my intuition, i had to correct that habit by allowing my self to feel my feelings, be exposed, and face those situations and my fears authentically. this really helps when it comes to acting on what ur intuition tells you to do, & being tapped into urself in the midst of fear/discomfort.

if i can think of anything else ill reblog & add it but this is prob already long enough — all of this can be easier said than done so just know that if your heart is willing, help will find you to strengthen & direct you in ways that bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be. no matter the obstacle that presents itself keep going forward. (ALSO THERE IS MORE THAN ONE WAY TO BE A TEACHER. unless your dream is to teach in a school (in which case ignore me) u may do well to consider other ways to teach? who knows, in 20 years the education system may not be what it is now)

i know this is super long hopefully it wasnt so long its unreadable. sending u my love. peace 2 u always <3

[bluebird-poetry96]

Hopelessly Hopeful Child

What am I but a hopelessly hopeful child

That will never learn how to Love with caution.

The one who will Devote themselves wholly and solely to The One. Give of themselves until there is  Nothing left to bestow upon someone.

The one who will Give their one and only soul A sacrifice to gift my last breath of life to The One dying.

Nothing more to learn... Nowhere left to go...

The one who will Crawl on a floor covered with shattered glass and lead You to step on my body, Like a coat thrown over a puddle, And even apologize for getting blood on your shoes... You know, from those gaping wounds..

That sounds too simple. It doesn’t feel like that at all...

More like I’d completely and totally obliterate myself, if they asked me to. Prove it. says The One.

More like I’d sit there and watch whole worlds burn, if they so desired. And Desire it, He did. 

More like I’d give My light for The One, who saw nothing but darkness. And I did. 

More like I’d burn myself alive to give off the illusion that there was, in fact, light left in me. And so, I lied.

More like, I’d give my life to make sure The One was safe. And I came so close. 

More like I’d hold festivals in Their Name while I became fireworks off of building tops. Ash falling from the sky... And I did.

More like I’d tattoo their name on my beating heart only to bare the scar forever... And I did.

More like I’d throw away my halo if it meant I could stay with them for all of eternity... And I tried so hard.

More like I’d kill myself, if it meant they could live another day... And I killed myself hundreds, if not thousands of times, for the one I had mistaken as

The One.

It was Never enough for him,

I was never enough.

These statements go on to show the gravity and the weight that comes with my love..

I know it’s too much.. 

I thought I had it under control.  Destined to never love another.

Destined to save myself.

After a great deal of healing... I put myself out there, 

Finding no one,

Not really looking. No, not really looking hard. Not really wanting someone to hold so much over me Not really wanting to give someone that much power over me.

I had boarded up the windows and doors to my heart I put walls so high that no giant had the aspiration to climb, No devils either...

None could fly high enough to withstand that raging storm that surrounds the castle. None could withstand the debris of shards from my broken heart, in the tornadoes of fate. They stab and tear at the flesh of potential mates, Driving them off in the end. That raw power of my shattered heart,

My stripped soul, My non-existent mind, Became desolate... And It prays for the annihilation of Everything and everyone in its path. 

“Everything has the potential to devastate you,”  It says, with its back to me and arms spread wide, taking every arrow shot at me

“It’s okay, shh, it’s okay,” I say as I reach my hand out. I realize that it’s just doing its best to protect me,

And my fragile, stupidly soft heart, The one that sits upon my arm, For anyone to take.

I fall to my knees and wail to the Universe, Who I had forsaken a long time ago, “I beseech You!" I scream,

"Please!

Teach me restraint! Teach me discipline! Teach me repression! Teach me to always be composed, to never let anyone see the real me. Teach me how to be stone, to never feel a thing. Teach me to never unveil the fear that lives in the deepest part of my soul. Make it an unfamiliar delight to deify a human."

Tell me, “A human like you, has no resolve to Love like the Gods.” Tell me, a human, “You have so much tenacity” Ask Me, “Where did you learn such a trait?”

I will tell You, “I watched my father.”

I watched as my father disowned his 3 blood related adult children, For the sake of his new wife.

Knowing her only,

4 months before signing his life away.

I watched him lie through his teeth, Hoping to please everyone yet only wielding obliteration to his young. I watched him destroy Everything he was working towards. All of the progress he has made Over the last 6 years

Gone.  I watched him set ablaze every single bridge of his old life. Foe, friend, blood. Once he is done, he's done.

Before that, I learned the art of devoting oneself beyond one's own detriment, As he destroyed himself, Thinking He was a Saving Grace With my mom.

When really  He was a wrecking ball with no remorse.  He couldn’t show his feelings, So I buried my God forsaken heart in empathy.

That.  Is how I learned to love, Through a broken family. Through Trauma.

I know fairy-tale endings are only in movies and books.

Yet, even still...

I hope and pray for my happy ending.

-Raven Blue Bell

[reminiscentreader]

hai jasssss, my silly willy table here are my favs 4 u <3

do you believe in astrology?

do you miss anyone right now?

what are your thoughts on your name?

what’s your favourite name?

what’s something you love about yourself?

what’s something you hate about yourself?

what do you do in your free time?

what’s your favourite disney movie?

what’s your favourite mythical creature?

what is something you’re currently worried about?

what is your deepest fear?

do you collect anything?

what’s your favourite number?

what is your earliest memory?

do you believe in soulmates/true love?

what is your favourite word?

growing up, what did you want to do in life?

what is your favourite album?

what’s something you’re grateful for?

do you trust anyone completely?

what song is currently stuck in your head?

do you believe in aliens?

do you believe in ghosts?

what word do you think you say the most often?

what colour is your water bottle?

yeah sorry its alot- dont answer the number if u dont want to

I don’t really believe that a zodiac sign defines a person but it is kind of fun to see the traits

no not really, I miss Christmas tho 😔

I really love the name Juliette, idk it’s just so pretty (and your name ofc 💗)

I guess I like how much I read, I’d say that’s probably my favourite thing about myself

i don’t really like my personality, I just feel like people don’t really like it

I read in my free time mostly, or write, or listen to music

I’m totally a beauty and the beast girl, I do love Mulan to

Faries, I used to have a massive obsession with them when I was 6-7

Im worried about school/friends lots of things

sick, I’m am so scared of vomit it’s not even funny, I pass out when I see it, also dying

I collect the paint swatches you get at like department stores

my favourite number is 22, idk why I just like it.

my earliest memory is going to ceebies land, (cebeebies is a kids channel in uk)

Absolutely! I believe in true love so so so so much (it’s the reading guys)

my favourite word is minimum……

I’ve always wanted to be a journalist/author since I was like 4 I think?

fearless (Taylor’s version) but alsoevermore.

Im grateful for my mutals/freinds and also my books 🤭

I trust you completely 😘 other than that no

Thats when - Taylor swift

yes I believe in aliens

And I also believe in ghosts

idk actually

My water bottle is green ❤️

thank you for the questions @nqds luv ya ❤️❤️

[tadpoles-and-daydreams]

I'm that person who just asked that and you're fucking great. You're fucking awesome. I love you already and I don't even know you (non weird way) so my questions are, can you ask apollo and aphrodite what they think of me and if they still want me to talk to them and stuff bc aphrodite has been quiet and I'm scared I disrespected her 💔

-mcme

Thanks in advance, you're awesome 🙌💛

Heyo! I finally have had the chance to sit down for readings, so here's yours! Because of how difficult it can be for me to parse what is from who, I specifically had them do this in sections- asking them both the questions individually. I was super excited for this one! Deity readings my beloved <3 That being said, anything in quotation marks is what I get directly from them! (technically a channeled message but it still feels weird calling it that because it sounds way fancier than how I feel doing it.)

For anyone interested, my Ko-Fi is at the end of this post! Free readings are temporary (and usually smaller) than the paid readings I do over there!

Aphrodite:

"What do you think of them?"

Eight of Swords reversed: Awakening, Liberation, Open to Change. The things popping out to me about this card is about accepting who you are, flaws and all. Not only taking responsibility for flaws and mistakes, but accepting them without self-judgement. "You're not a burden. You're not a monster for any mistakes or flaws, you simply are. Existing is morally neutral; you aren't doing anything wrong by taking up space and breathing air. I'm not vain, I am beautiful- and so are you. No matter how you feel. Don't judge yourself too harshly."

Ace of Swords reversed: Confusion, Headcase, Disarray. To me this looks like it's primarily a card of mental chaos bordering on losing a sense of reality- and looking for an outside opinion to clarify what is accurate and what is just anxiety going haywire. The choice is ultimately yours to clear your head, of course, but it looks like- since you really ARE getting an outside opinion by requesting a reading- you're on the right track. "Do you really think you can offend the goddess of beauty and love? It is in my essence to be beautiful and loving. I am not so fragile in my beauty as to lash out at humans for embracing their own beauty. It's not in my nature to lash out at all, for any reason; love is all-encompassing, unconditional. What I am is the sort of love that looks at even the deepest darkest parts of your soul, the parts that you and everyone else rejects, and holds those parts close and tells you that even that is worth loving because it is you. There's no part of you I don't love; you can't drive me away so easily, you know." Okay, I swear to you I felt the little ;P after that. Like she winked. I'm not even joking. (she thinks she's very endearing, for one, and that I'm being too serious just because what she said before seemed a little intense.)

"What do you have to say to them?"

King of Pentacles: Attainment, Property, Abundance. The King of Pentacles is all about wealth and abundance, prosperity in all its forms but especially financial. This could be a sign that you have good things ahead, or that you need to see the opportunities right in front of you and take them. This could, if my intuition is correct in singling out a specfic meaning rather than the overall meaning of this card, be a matter of quality over quantity. "Time spent together is time well spent." Maybe rather than worrying when your deities are less active, use that time to rest or work on other areas of your life; not only that, but spend the time you have with them well and quantity won't be an issue.

Seven of Swords: Deception, Discreet, Secrets. This card feels like it's talking less about someone else in your life, and more about you. It doesn't feel like a warning AGAINST deception though; instead it feels like a gentle reminder to protect yourself and your secrets. Don't trust the wrong people. (I confirmed this with the cards so I knew for sure.) "Does someone who could do you harm really deserve to see the parts of you that they could take advantage of? No. Every part of you is worth loving, but not everyone in life will see that; restrict their access to the vulnerable parts of you. There's no use playing pigeon chess,* and there's no use revealing yourself to people who won't care." (*this is a phrase that basically says there's no use arguing/debating with people who don't care in the first place/"stupid people" because "The pigeon will shit on the board and walk all over it like it won." They won't play by the rules of your game, so don't engage at all.)

Apollo:

"What do you have to say to them?"

Justice reversed: Injustice, Unfair, Delinquency. Things are just NOT fair right now, and maybe you're looking for a scapegoat. Instead, be honest with yourself and take responsibility for any possible role you are playing. (note that I am NOT victim-blaming here. This is one possible interpretation for this card.) The situation at hand is likely very black-and-white, so get to the root of it- it's not as complicated as it may seem. If you've truly done your best to right the situation, file it under "lessons learned" and move on. "This isn't an impossible puzzle, kid- it's okay. Take a deep breath, you're not losing your mind, just look and actually SEE and it'll be alright. You're almost there."

Six of Wands: Victory, Validation, Acknowledgement. You've persevered through a lot, and now- or soon- you'll get the recognition that you fuckin' deserve! Apollo's giving off a lot of hype I won't lie. There's rewards coming your way, and you absolutely should take a look back and appreciate your progress yourself. Look at how far you've come!! Pay attention to that- you're not the same person you once were, you're blossoming into a new one and that's okay. All I'm getting from Apollo is "holy shit you've done it :D Look at you :D" so…. He's happy with you, clearly! They both obviously love you so much, I don't think you've upset them at all.

"What do you think of them?"

Princess of Swords: Inquisitive, Verbose, Lively. Apollo is the god of the arts, and you absolutely have the creative spirit! So many ideas, so much excitement about those ideas- you both have so much work to do in the best way possible! There's a thirst to learn and Apollo is excited to help. You're probably good at getting your ideas out there, or at least Apollo thinks you could be! In this reading this card is giving off major major high-energy vibes, Apollo thinks you definitely have what it takes to pursue your dreams and keep fuckin' going! "You have no idea what's ahead, and no idea how good you're going to be at it- this is a gift of yours that you ignore far too often, and it needs to be brought to light (pun very intended.) Don't ignore your talents!"

Last card, so closing statement from both:

The Hermit: Soul-Searching, Reflection, Truth. Explore yourself with the same curiosity that the last card implied you explore the world with. Pay attention to your inner world, yourself, and your core values; learn about yourself so you can truly know all aspects of yourself. Give yourself permission to withdraw a little for the sake of spending time on yourself. Self-acceptance is important, and you can't do that if you aren't listening to yourself! Spend some time working on you and only you, rather than your relationships. You deserve it :D Since this feels like it's from both of them and messages get jumbled when they're both trying to get through, It's short, but I can get one thing very clear: "Take care of yourself." It's easy to prioritize other things in life, but you need to switch gears and prioritize you above all else.

HOO BOI this one took a while to do! Aphrodite and Apollo are wonderful I love them /pos I hope it resonates, and I hope it helped! I appreciate feedback or a response if it did, but no pressure! Here's my Ko-Fi in case you want to tip, and so others can check it out! I do more in-depth readings over there. Most free readings will be only a few cards, but this one ended up being the length of a paid reading so it's an okay example.