#its a little offputting but it's not bad at all compared to other stuff in the series just as a heads up

[muppetoftheday]

i think we need to talk about silly sad duck more

what do you guys think of silly sad duck

[freakenomenon]

ngl i find your insights on ted and ellens relationship really interesting!! do you have like clear thoughts on their whole dynamic,, not just teds abuse and ellens caring for him more like their weird codependency and the transactional/power dynamic stuff in like all of their fucking interactions

ANON I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT THIS.

this is going to sound very unrelated and i promise it isn't because i ended up ranting about how much i overthought this stupid joke comic thing i just drew and its a good segway just trust the process

Ellen, because of Ted and her inability to detach from him due to the lack of hospitality and dependence from the others. Ellen is suffering from a kind of intrinsic self destructive self harm in a way. where she feels the need to give and please, and being in the environment she is. Giving control to Ted , be it in a violent sense or not ( thus the scalping , and comparing herself to an animal ) seems to be what makes him happiest. What makes him stay. What makes him "care" His obsession with her is almost what draws her in, even if it's twisted.

THAT IS ALSO ONLY WORSENED BY THE FACT HES ALREADY IN A POWERLESS SITUATION, GESTURES TO AM. and Ellen feeding that need for raw control over others ( as a means to fill the loss of control over his own life ) is a. Twisted kind of helpful. but within that , within his belief of ellen receiving more gratification than him in the attachment. he feels used, wrung out. And often finds himself shaming her or bad-mouthing her for things she can't control. obviously due to his already wackjob beliefs, but also because he can't "escape" her or find someone else to make him feel wanted or needed. Hes incredibly anxious about the others view of him. And due to her abuse, ellen has basically been beaten down into being the only one welcoming enough to tolerate his bullshit.

I imagine in a situation where they met outside of AM, Ted's "little crush" ( major obsession ) with her only would have inflated ellens ego and depleted her insecurities. But the moment she was offput by his insecure and creepy behavior, she would've detached. Which is ultimately too easy for her to do in this scenario, considering shes already offput by attachments and vulnerability in general.

And if Ted WASN'T obsessed with Ellen and she was the one being weirdly dependent and creepy because of her self bred loneliness. I imagine it would only inflate and worsen Ted's harmful view of himself , and because of his lifestyle and inability to put down the fucking cup. shes likely be quickly tossed aside for one night stands, more delicate , decent , less "brash" women , ect.

But because of the environment , AM , their states of mind and general view of others as well as themselves because of the people around them. both past and present. They depend on each other , In a twisted " eye for an eye , leg for a HEAD" kind of way. They could think the foulest thoughts about each other , spit at the ground they share , fervently dig their nails into the entrails of the warm inviting corpse of the other. They'll still "need" each other. They'll still grovel and cry for the other to stay while they bleed out. While they eat away at eachother. Two snakes entwinned, devouring their own tails.

HOLY SHIT IT IS 7 AM.

[osomatsuconfessions]

vaping and general smoking thoughts long long long

osomatsu: sticks with just cigarettes mostly, antiquated frame of reference where old and comfortable is the best with little change allowed. matsuzou smokes so i think oso just followed by example and liked the relaxed feeling and repetition aspect. he would maybe try a vape under the idea that a buzz is a buzz and a buzz feels good but would find the synthetic taste and experience to be offputting. has many complaints that comically go against audience expectation: 'whats the point! it doesnt even smell bad! it doesnt even make YOU smell bad! it doesnt even make my lungs burn!' etc etc

karamatsu: impossibly weak nicotine tolerance, smoked one cigarette and got extremely sick and took it as an omen. wouldnt vape because sucking on a little rectangle doesnt line up with his idea of coolness. holds cigarettes and cigars in his mouth to get the image of being intimidating and tough without ever lighting them.

choromatsu: WOULD be interested in vaping out of the fear of what smoking is actively doing to his body and what it says about his restraint and responsibility over himself by putting his lungs in danger, plus (kiddish and so, hard to admit) the flavors sound appealing. would sneak hits of tottys vape really obviously in the middle of the house any time hes not around and would over time want to start branching out with different pods, making his own rankings in his head. choro does not see this as lame but instead something akin to taking up wine tasting as a hobby (same level of prestige in his mind but less cost so its even better. hes even better). writes whole entries in a journal bought specifically for this purpose about the notes and undertones and things. to him this is for explorational AND educational purposes. this is the hobby of a discerning mind. this is not him being addicted to drugs. this is not JUST some guy vaping a ton for the sake of vaping its DIFFERENT. the other matsus find the journal and mock choro and his analysis of unicorn 50w by reciting passages back to his while she goes catatonic and silently switches back to cigarettes. never gets any buzz ever again from the insane tolerance build up but will never share this fact or think deeper about what it says about his habits

ichimatsu: explicitly doesnt smoke nor would vape. shit in his lungs is shit in his lungs it all sucks

jyushimatsu: intermittent cigarette smoker just whenever the chance presents itself. in line with him sharing the coffee milk with osomatsu where its probably more about the taste and getting to chug it and spin around than the effects of caffeine, its a vessel for comedy and appearances (for reference humor to specific archetypes or doing physically impossible tricks) and stuff more than an actual enjoyment of nicotine. he probably finishes other peoples but doesnt start his own. also thinking of jyushimatsus fixation with chewing and teething on shit like cybers heads or the lollipops theres no way hes not chomping the shit out of the filters. i think vapes initially would kind of confuse him same as all the others, but hed be reeled in by the idea of super sweet flavors and the comedic potential of making giant clouds. hed be like a fog machine. teeth marks on the vape too nothings safe if its going in there

todomatsu: would vape, specifically orange or strawberry pods. totty also doesnt really get it but it SEEMS like its hip cause there was a lot of buzz about it a couple years ago and he is forever multiple seasons late to any kind of trend so hes more than willing. hitting it around other people makes him feel like his fingers on the pulse of modern culture and not a guy who spends his time gambling and fishing like an old man. confidence booster plus he thinks it makes you smell better to women, especially compared to tobacco smoke, which is another plus (and cuts down on buying gas station perfume 2 in 1 bargain). when not accompanied by people totty means to impress (the other matsus) he would smoke cigarettes. he (like the rest) is a fiend of habit and behaviors set by osomatsu especially are ingrained so its pretty inevitable that he followed along in earlier adult years and then got hooked. but by s3 hed give it up more (riceballs using their electronic vape things further pushing the idea that this is futuristic and impressive and something that they should get with the times on, which totty would feel self conscious about not understanding/already doing + additionally having already made his extreme departure from following osomatsus actions beat for beat as he otherwise was predisposed to in s1) but would have an itch for it that hed mostly only scratch when drunk or making excuses. to compensate for his late switchover and to further distinguish himself as The Sextuplet In The Know Of Things hed rub in their faces how bad tobacco is for your lungs and how hes gonna live way longer and chide them about how they prioritize getting a hit in over living a long time like 'good luck having sex when youre DEAD with TAR LUNGS idiots!!!' when asked how vapes are at all better for your lungs he goes silent and looks away

.

[slowdripsunrise]

jfc okay so i have forgotten/been too lazy to write up reveiws here i apparently havent updated since. lone women which is well. so ive read a shit ton since then so i'm going try my best to write up as much as i can in this post bc i don't want to just. stop and skip over stuff. so well. here we go. spoilers for various books under the cut, i'll tag them all !

first book i finished after i last updated was silver nitrate by silvia moreno-garcia. been a while but damn do i remember the fucking vibes. absolutely killer vibes and atmosphere, and the plot was fun and interesting; i do remember being a bit confused in one of the final scenes fighting the guy but it wasnt enough to take me out of the story. the characters felt real and i could feel their love of movies and maybe each other off the page, definitely recommend if you're looking for an atmospheric, creepy little book.

next (and i'll just group these together) i read the poppy war trilogy by r. f. kuang ! absolutely wonderful storytelling and the characters were interesting and loveable. i think that this story succeeds in being one of the few good "war stories" as in it doesn't glorify or make light of any aspects of the war. there are good moments and bright spots throughout, but in the end pretty much every single character we know and love ends up dead, and before they're dead, they've been shaped so thoroughly by the war around them that there is no way anyone could have come out of this series thinking that it in any way romanticized the events. i loved everything about it and more. but while i did love the series. tbh i don't agree with everyone saying that its the most serious and intellectual and groundbreaking book in the entire world. yes it is groundbreaking and yes it is based on a lot of real life horrific events, but it's also. extremely entertaining. it's written beautifully and has some very poignant scenes that i love, and i am gonna be honest i lost where i was going with this point. i think what i'm trying to say is like before i read it, i saw a lot of people on the internet saying that it is like. the highest peak of literature and such and like. for me, it's mostly just a damn good time. i go into most books looking for entertainment (meaning like. i would like to feel emotions, not necessarily happy ones, just emotions in general) and what i think a lot of people made it seem like, was ONLY an epic tome about the brutality of war, the military, and colonization. and it absolutely is about that ! i am not docking points for it being about those things, in fact if it hadn't had all these hard hitting topics i wouldn't have liked it as much. but it's ALSO about rin, kitay, and nezha, and how they love and hate each other. and sometimes i think people lean too much into one aspect of the book, one way or the other (i have absolutely seen the inverse of this, people forgetting about the colonialism and militarization aspects in an impressive show of hypocrisy. which... is worse imo.) but idk. i have no idea what i am trying to say i just like this book yall.

next oml. okay again grouping them together for my own sake but i read the southern reach trilogy by jeff vandermeer ! this series was such a creepy and weird and offputting good time i ate that shit right up. the first book and the biologists pov are my favorites, and all of the insight we get from her and the first book into area x was just. so compelling i could not put that shit down. i'm pretty sure the second i finished in the hospital lol i was INVESTED. and honestly. i did really like the second book. not as much as the first, but i don't think it was bad or underwhelming compared to the first. once i got past the pov shift, i really liked controls pov partly because he is just some guy. like he is just so average and banal, and seeing this set against the absurdity of the rest of the book was really interesting. i liked how even though we weren't IN area x, the southern reach still had that otherworldly and offputting suspenseful energy, even in a familiar setting (office building type i mean. as opposed to weird as fuck forest). that and also i am deep into my f1 phase so like i kept picturing control as checo perez. like hes just so guy to me like hes just a normal guy that has no fucking clue whats going on and thats really funny and awesome to me. like man. anyway the third wasnt my favorite, but i still really like the series as a whole and will probably read the 4th one coming out whenever it does.

NEXT. sharks in the time of saviors by kawai strong washburn. did i cry. maybe. did i really like the story. yes. it was definitely a change of pace for me after reading the above books but the story was lovely and magical and engaging and very sad and i enjoyed every bit of it.

after that i read scattered all over the earth by yōko tawada, which is a story that i kinda have mixed feelings about? i listened to the audio book and the narrator did such a wonderful job, i loved listening to the two man characters talk about language in the mc's made up language, panska. and if the book was just about that, i probably would have liked it more, exploring language and the loss of it; however one of the side characters constantly get's misgenders when the story is outside of her pov. and it's like. really fucking distracting. so like i guess i don't have very mixed feelings about it lol. i liked one bit, definitely did not like another bit, and the rest of the book wasn't really strong enough to sway me back into the "i like this book and think it's interesting" camp. although if you can get past the blatant transphobia, the audio book really is nice to listen to, especially coming off a post surgery high.

next i read the ghost bride by yangsze choo ! this was another really atmospheric, palpable book. i could feel the setting, the humidity, the smells, all of it and it was so good! an engaging story, i'm pretty sure i read this one in a day or two. the characters were fun, the plot moved quickly in a way that made sense, and exploring the realms of the dead and the living with the characters was so fun, definitely recommend !

im gonna wrap this post up here mostly bc im hungry but i still have a lot more to update on ! if u made it this far thank you and also im sorry. happy reading!

[kikidewynter]

Heyyo! In all seriousness, in your opinion, how atrocious is the reboot?

I tried watching it on YouTube but I couldn't sit through it after a while and now I'm curious about ppls opinions

ok this is probably going to be long, mostly rambling, and a little incoherent. but if this helps other likeminded fans save their money then i’m happy to go over as much as possible. this is obviously in no way a professional review, just my opinion.

so. um it was pretty bad. i hated it.

not because it’s modern (although i do hate the livestream, smartphone application activity, etc. stuff bc i hate that shit irl too), not because it’s buggy or glitchy (a lot of my favourite games are old as shit and never got patched, and even the cp2077 bugs didn’t deter me from playing), not because it had a new setting/characters (after getting over the initial shock of the trailer, i was actually pretty excited to be going on a new journey), definitely not because the three homies were characters of colour (if anything, i found it strange and fishy that the original series grew increasingly whiter over time), and obviously not because there was an openly gay character (please let shaundi talk about her ex girlfriends).

so why did i hate it? i need somewhere to start, so let’s talk about the tone. the opening cutscene didn’t really appeal to me until the boss got buried alive. that, i thought set the tone instantly. that the game was going to appear lighthearted, but really have a much darker side. that was immediately contradicted by the first mission, which if i have to compare it so something, felt similar to the gangstas in space epilogue for srtt or the cyrus temple opening to sriv. very strange starting point for what i assumed was a game going back to its roots—a game about a street gang. not necessarily because the boss worked for marshall, but because it was incredibly unserious and cheesy and i immediately hated it. the boss constantly repeating “it’s my first day!” only served to irritate me and pretty much gave me no reason to become invested in their career. which is very strange because the game makes a whole song and dance about how the boss got fired (after working at this job for like 3 whole days) and how depressed and mopey they are about it. something else that instantly tipped me off wrt the game’s tone was the boss just excessively swearing after the first mission. when they’re in their car just saying “fuck fuck fuckity fuck.” like… why. who wrote this. i sound like i’m nit-picking but it just felt really immature and not even in a fun way. like only 12 year olds would find it funny. there were an excess of moments like this that just had me sitting straight-faced, staring at my tv like. this game is not for me. this game cannot be for adults.

then there’s the friends. the game pretty much forces you to believe in this “we’re best friends we do everything together we love each other we’d die for each other” relationship immediately instead of like. allowing you to become invested in them yourself. that was really strange and offputting. especially since all the friends your boss makes in the original series are people they’re meeting for the first time. the games never ask you to like anyone (excluding later instalments), they present you with characters and you get to know them and come to love them or hate them. the entire reboot the whole way through is just this vibe growing increasingly ridiculous. the boss, neenah, kev, and eli make nahualli come on a team bonding exercise where they act like best buddies and try to convince him that friendship is magic or whatever. you know, instead of like some actual plot progression. again i feel like i just sound petty but this grew really fucking irritating. like why are you just telling me that these people are such great friends who sing karaoke together. why don’t you show me that. introduce the characters, and then show that they have this bond by having them sing together in the car or something, like boss and pierce do. it felt very much like you were just supposed to buy into it without there being any real reason. the final part of the game doubled down on this extremely, with nahualli betraying the boss literally so he could take their place because he wanted to be friends with neenah, eli & kev instead… yes the darkest moment of the game, the only glimpse of something a little gritty, the boss being betrayed and buried alive, was so that nahualli could steal their friends and make them his. there was a whole ridiculous mission following this where the boss is half dead and in the afterlife or something where they were inside the farmyard board game the 4 friends play together, which when it turns into a nightmare, has the friends, who are boardgame pieces, taunt the boss by saying things like “you’re such a bad friend, why would we ever be friends, you let eli get shot because you were sad about getting fired :(((” like WHAT is going on with the tone of this game. it really felt to me like it was supposed to be for younger audiences. there was absolutely no way it warranted an age 18 restriction. i would let someone as young as 8 play it. it felt like a kid’s game. literally no mention of sex. kevin’s sexual partners are referred to as his “special friends.”

i just felt alienated from the start. as though it was only advertised as saints row bc the ip already has a lot of fans. they really should’ve made it a whole new thing. which brings me to the writing. because there is literally no reason for them to be the saints. the hq is a church, which i guess is supposed to be their whole origin—the reason they’re called the saints. that’s the only reason i can think of. because the boss literally just stands in the church in silence for five seconds and is like “omg i’ve got it… we’re the saints” right out of nowhere. it’s so bad. like if this is supposed to be an origin story for a new gang then why is there no real origin. it felt very shallow. like the game is just calling itself saints row, but isn’t actually saints row at all. i’ve said before, i was 100% open to the reboot and having a new version of saints row. but there was just no justification for them to still be the saints. it was just way off with the tone and kept attempting to prove to you that it really was a saints row game by making the occasional reference. like the boss saying “it’s our time now, let’s get this shit started.” which i’m sick of hearing by now btw. like !!!! god why didn’t they just put a little effort into the writing. the enemy gangs sucked too. i was not interested in sergio at all. he was mentioned as being in group chats with neenah and then, because she betrayed them, he stole her car and destroyed it. that was it. he trashed neenah’s car. which, i’m sorry, is not enough motivation for me to even care one iota about sergio. what jess and maero did to carlos made me actually care whether they lived or died, and made one of the most brutal deaths in the series incredibly satisfying. sergio was just not giving anything. there’s a train heist mission where a final confrontation with him is supposed to happen which at this point i thought was strange since he hadn’t really been built up to even being a real antagonist. but then when he appeared, he was instantly killed by nahualli anyway. not even the boss. so i was like ok. literally no impact at all. the idols had no members that even stood out, so even though they kidnapped kev at some point i still didn’t really care about them. even after getting rid of both gangs i didn’t believe it was over ??? i thought they would return in force, but that was it apparently. killing some nameless idols and sergio instantly dying by someone else’s hand. that was all it took.

the missions… to me, it felt like there were only a few actual missions. the rest were just pushing you towards doing activities as mission gameplay or completing ventures to take over the map. there was very little story. and i didn’t do many side missions as i found them tedious and wanted to focus on the main plot. so when the game was trying to convince me that the saints had come a long way and now rule the city it was just completely out of place for me. imo a game should not require you to do all that inconsequential shit for the main story to even slightly make sense. that is not good. same thing with nahualli. i guess his betrayal was supposed to be some huge thing. but again, it had 0 impact because the dude was around for 2 or 3 missions and barely gave me time to care about him. the mission where you recruit members for your new gang literally just had you go on a genki-esque murder livestream and apparently that was it. that was all you needed to do for the game to give you some npcs hanging around the crib. bc the saints don’t do much else i can tell you that.

the boss was incredibly unlikeable to me. they have a pretty strong personality that is in effect at all times, never giving you a moment to let your mind wander and come up with headcanons for your own oc. which i suppose makes the boss a solid character. but also makes the whole “create your own boss” thing pretty redundant. i finished the game having made absolutely no notes about my own boss, and no longer caring about him at all.

just a mess. total shambles. really strange vibes. great concept, terrible execution. game forces you to care about its characters but gives you no time or reason to grow attached to them. just awful writing all around. nothing was impactful. really immature to the point where i genuinely couldn’t believe it was for grown adults. bizarre experience.

i’ve seen people say in response to the reviews that “a game doesn’t have to be good, it just has to be fun.” and i’m just going to let that speak for itself because wow alright

[wrenqueenisboss]

Ummm maybe dialogue, narration, description, and scene-setting/world building?

I’m planning on like creating my own world with all of my ocs cause it seems fun lol

plus all the little stories, adventures, scenarios, etc etc

and i write as well so there’s that ig

ah yes the therapy edits

do a lot do those

-ZT

answering the advice stuff under the cut :)

oooh!! join the club! (we have so many ppl on this blog who are developing lore)

~therapy edits~

NOTE: all the advice below is my personal opinion + what I use in my writing. if you choose a different tactic, that doesn't mean your writing is bad. it simply means that you and I have different strategies

DIALOGE:

-avoid maiden/butler dialogue. (Meaning: avoid characters telling each other things they would already know. For example: A: Do you know what today is? B: Of course! Today is the day the duke visits the estate!)

-every scene should either reinforce or establish a character's motivations. in the final draft, make sure that there isn't any unnecessary dialogue. Every line (+ its dialogue tag) should have a purpose. The lines earn their place on the page!

-make sure that each character has their own way of speaking, and that vocal mannerisms fit with the overall theme of the story/your style of narration. (For example: if your writing style is super prose-y and descriptive, it kind of destroys the mood to have a character show up saying "yo yo yo, wassup!")

NARRATION:

-during your editing, make sure that you're happy with the order in which everything is narrated. it's okay if certain paragraphs have to be rearranged!!

-avoid info dumps! yes, we want to know what's going on in the surrounding scenes/history, but throwing that in our faces to the point where it completely disrupts the flow of the story is extremely offputting

-active voice!!! (unless there is a specific stylistic reason)

DESCRIPTION:

-use metaphors and similes that make sense to the widest audience possible, even the characters themselves! (For example: if you're writing a fantasy story, don't compare something to the brightness of a phone screen; it's inconsistent)

-its preferred if you leave some things up to the readers. don't describe every little muscle tic/thread on fabric if it isn't needed. as much as we love writing, extra words are the readers' enemies.

-vary your descriptions. (I struggle with this one a bit) Meaning, if you notice that you tend to revert to describing a character's eye motions in terms of facial reactions, try describing how they fidget instead! it adds depth to your characters and your writing

SCENE-SETTING:

-only give the most basic information in the beginning. let the scene itself slowly reveal the other details. otherwise, it's difficult to get into the action

-follow the description tips above as well

WORLD-BUILDING:

-sad truth: not every little detail that you've spent hours researching, and dozens of events on a complex timeline will be able to fit into your story

-too much world-building detail can swallow up your plot. use the plot as a way to reveal different details of your world/use your world to enrich where your plot takes place

-if you want to develop full binders of lore (like I have) feel free to and have fun doing so! but understand that in the natural flow of a story, not every little detail will have a home in your manuscript and that's totally okay

hopefully that helps!!! <3/p

[letterstotheone-whomilovemost]

10/31/2020 (12 months, 0 days-- 1 year after the event)

Hey.

It’s been a year.

A whole year huh? It’s odd how time works. Even though it feels like it was forever ago, it also feels like it happened just last week. 

Has it really been a whole year since I’ve seen you face to face? Has it really been a year since I held you in my arms?

It doesn’t seem like it’s been that long but yet it’s seemed like it’s been years ago. It’s strange how that works. 

Your dad messaged me day before yesterday, (weird. I know.). My heart jumped out of my chest because I was afraid something had happened to you. Turns out, he was “just thinking about me and hadn’t heard from me in a while”. Yeah, whatever. Your dad is a weirdo. I left it at that.

I wonder what you’re doing this year for Halloween. Are you dressing up with the little one? Maybe, the Grinch and baby grinch? haha, that put a smile on my face even imagining the two of you dressed up for halloween.

I wanted to write because this year is probably going to be super tough on me, compared to all the other years in this season. You know how I am. I always get super bad this time of the year. But this time, I’ve got the trauma of the event stuck in my head. The panic attacks have started. The nightmares. The feeling of not wanting to leave the house. The feeling of.... being scared of everyone around me.

I don’t know why I always got like this. It’s a little offputting this year. Because last year it came around late September, so I kinda just, ignored it cause I had you for a little bit of the time. Then again, if I got through it last year after everything that happened, I’m sure that I can do it again this year. I mean, I know i can, its just-- it’s kinda, i dunno. 

The dreams have never been this bad. The panic attacks haven’t quite changed. I hadn’t had one in a while to be quite honest.

I’ve been keeping myself distracted, drawing and what not. I’ve been trying to just keep myself busy. I’m not sad, I’m just kinda, meh? I don’t necessarily know why or what I’m even writing. To be fair, do I ever? LOL

Things have changed a lot in the past year. A lot of things. I’ve grown so much, and I’m sure you have as well. I’m quite proud of myself, if I must say so. Things are finally doing well with my streaming platform. My art as well! My art is finally selling! Can you imagine? You used to tell me all the time to work hard and here I am! My writings are more so my guilty pleasure though, I don’t really write for the public anymore. It makes it so much more special to me. 

I’m still working on getting into school. Soon I’ll be starting my cosmetology degree so I can cut hair. That’s a skill I always wanted to learn, you know?

My brother and mother have been letting me cut their hair for the past couple of years, but in the past year I’ve cut, 5, no, 6 people’s hair! I always love how excited they get when they say that they love it.

I’ve also picked up embroidery. I’m not as diligent with that hobby. I do it here and there. It’s not as often as my art work, but hey-- it’s there if I ever want a switch up.

I’m back in my home state, I still have the same damn shitty job, but soon I won’t be in that anymore. I’m almost there. I’m almost to the point where I can survive without it. I got a new car, (it was such a deal!!) and there’s no car note. I paid it in cash (’:

I’ve grown a lot and I have a positive outlook towards a lot of things. Of course I’m going to be stressed. I’m an adult, right? We all get stressed out and we all have our problems. But damn, I really didn’t know how to cope at one point, huh? I just bitched and bitched. But that’s not me anymore. I don’t do that. I’m diligent in my planning nowadays, I’m making sure I’m taking care of myself (kinda LOL it’s holiday season so I’m getting a little chonky cause it’s cold outside >~< ).

I’m getting my new hoodie from n,n in a couple of weeks!! I’m so excited, it’s been a year since I’ve ordered any merch. I haven’t bought myself like any **new** clothes in a while. I’ve gotten into the habit of stopping by goodwill and wearing the same clothes I own until they get holes or tear. I have like a weeks worth of clothes so I’ve become very minimalist. I own like almost nothing now. I have the things that are important to me and that’s what matters, you know?

When I came back home I left literally everything that belonged to me, except for like 3 (small) boxes worth of stuff. It was tough for the first week realizing more and more things I had left behind. But now I’m just used to the things I have. I don’t really crave those things anymore. Sometimes, I forget some of the things I even had! Hahaha

I’m finally starting to find myself, and I’m living for it. I’m finding pleasure in all the things I once did and the pain is finally starting to go away. It still lingers, but maybe that’s just my demons talking for me (;

Who knows, maybe one more year I’ll be even further. Who knows where a year will take me, you know?

I can’t wait to see what the future has in store.

Ambitious and Excited

00:50 {10/31/2020}

[ticklefits]

Distant Yearning

AO3 LINK !

the adventure zone : balance | taagnus | words : 5364

summary :  Magnus remembers Taako acting a little weird about something and it got him curious enough to ask about it, much to Taako's embarrassment.

“Hey, pst, Taako -- you up?”

It has to be at least two in the morning when the soft, yet audible rumble of vocals belonging to Magnus pierces the late night silence of the room. Unsurprising, Taako is awake, albeit not by choice ( insomnia’s a real burden ). Merle and Robbie, stationed messily underneath their blankets, remain in sound deep sleep; made obvious by the occasional gargantuan snores that drag from the dwarf’s mouth and the smaller ones from Robbie. At first, Taako ignores Magnus’s call, opting instead to stare at the nearest wall within the room’s darkness, groggy and somewhat agitated from the lack of a much needed repose. It’s only when the warrior addresses him again, and then a third time, that Taako raises his upper frame with the support of his elbows, leaning over the side of the wooden frame that separates each bed, to peer down into the bottom bunk and hisses out “Mags, it is two in the goddamn morning."

Magnus seems to stiffen at that, instinctively delivering an apologetic smile to the smaller elf . “Yeah, ah, my bad, but listen, something’s been weighing pretty heavy on my mind for awhile and it has to do with you.”

Those words alone cause the contents of Taako’s stomach to churn, a sense of anxiety already beginning to creep from the recesses of his mind. He forces himself to sustain his semi-irritated expression and conceal any display of how that singular sentence is already making him sweat with anticipation of what Magnus is going to say.

“...Well? Ain't got all night my man, spill the tea already.” Taako urges, all too impatient to hear what is so goddamn important about himself that Magnus couldn't have kept this in until a decent hour -- namely no sooner than noon .

The larger man's visage contorts in an expression that reads half curiosity and half apprehension, as if he has abruptly decided that maybe he shouldn't have mentioned anything at all. It's too late for that though; he's got Taako's nerves whirling around like flies at a summer barbeque and if he doesn't come out with it already, it's very plausible that Taako will end up forcing it out of him one way or another. He carries his own chest of secrets, the same as everyone else, and the fear that someone, somehow, might have unlocked it and discovered something detrimental about him, terrifies the absolute shit out of him. With another gesture of urgency, Taako finally persuades Magnus to continue on.

"Uh, okay, okay, well -- this might just be stupid, or I might've just been imagining things when it happened, y'know, 'cause lotsa stuff was sorta happening all at once and there was the void fish and it's great, big, everything and--"

"Magnus, you have one more chance - count it - one more chance to tell me whatever stupid thing you have to tell me before I put you back to sleep myself." But Taako did register hearing something about the void fish, which has only served to confuse him further. What could he possibly have to do with the void fish?

"Okay! Okay, okay, so… uh.. You remember when we first met Johann in the elevator? And he was super sad and I didn't know the reason why, but I wanted him to be happy like any ol' good citizen would?"

"... Yeaaah..?"

"So I tickled him." Taako has to clench the bed frame a bit to bite back a shiver at that word. " Normal reactions all around, except… I noticed you were acting a little.. Off?"

Oh gods. Oh gods. Oh gods. If Taako's suspicions and anxieties are true, then Magnus discovering this particular secret is probably one of the worst ones he could know. He delivers his best facade of indifference, simply nodding and allowing Magnus to continue - if he begins to act out again at the mention of it, it might set Magnus off.

"The first time, I was like, whatever, he's probably just weirded out, and that's fine, like that's definitely a Taako thing, but then when I did it again is when things kinda… I dunno, intensified maybe? That might not be the right word but."

The blond could only hope this was a dream. A horribly taunting dream where Magnus had unearthed one of his deepest secrets, that absolutely no one knew about him, that was so well concealed he couldn't even begin to piece together how someone could end up knowing unless Taako himself had screwed the pooch. He goes silent in his internal prayers for this all to be a scene of his imagination and hopefully, his insomnia will do its duty and kick in again, waking him before any additional embarrassment can rear its ugly head.

"You were fidgeting and looking away from Johann and I, but sometimes your eyes would flicker back to us, and then away again. I swear I even saw your lips twitching. And you had this look like you were… yearning? I dunno, like I said, it could be hella stupid and I could be reading way too much into things."

Quietude sustains from Taako, almost too far gone into his own thoughts and wishes for none of this to be reality, as Magnus single handedly picked apart every little subtle sign that Taako had unknowingly granted his vision with, as if the elf had lain daisies out for him to effortlessly pluck. If he were any less freaked right now, he could commend Magnus for his observational skills. Finally, Taako gulps down the lump that infiltrated his throat and constricted the breath he couldn't take while Magnus had been speaking, willing the sweat that was beginning to form at his temple to dry.

"I'm.. I'm pretty sure you're just grasping at straws, Mags. I was just.. Offput 'cause you… Did that to a total stranger." He bluffs, heterochromatic eyes rolling to attempt to emphasize his faux apathy towards the situation.

"Uh huh," Magnus hums, and his stare towards Taako is all of a sudden intense, as if peering deep beyond the lavender - jade of his irises, to see what the elf has hidden behind those long, thick lashes of his. "And so… what if I decided to do it to someone who isn't a total stranger?"

Taako's eyes widen. His breathing begins to cut short again and his toes curl under the blanket on instinct. What.. The hell is going on right now?

"What if I decided to tickle you?"

That's when Taako chokes. He chokes on fucking air, has to level himself after a brief, strangled coughing fit so as to refrain from waking up their other two roommates; the last thing the wizard needs is two extra idiots looking to embarrass him. His gaze returns to Magnus, incredulous in expression, with plump lips slightly agape and cheeks tinted in obvious roseate hues. It's been at least two minutes and he hasn't delivered any sort of response other than nearly asphyxiating himself on oxygen out of sheer surprise of the fighter's words. What's the point in even saying something like that? To get a reaction out of him? To cause him more chagrin than he's already suffering with? He doesn't possess the spoons to ask Magnus that question right now, especially with the way that amber eyes maintain that focused gaze on him -- Taako meets his line of sight for a second and instantly regrets the decision.

Butterflies assault the insides of his stomach, making it nigh impossible to look Magnus in the eye right now. Could he have… the same thing Taako has? Despite Taako's palpable discomposure in regards to it, he knows that while it isn't exactly a common thing, it also isn't something totally outlandish - especially compared to some of the other kinks has been unfortunately exposed to. His blush darkens against his will, finally, slowly, providing a verbal response to his still waiting companion.

"You… um.. Why would you even..?"

Magnus' features revert back a little bit, growing soft and curious once again. "Because… I'm kinda the same, I guess? It's kinda been a thing for me for awhile. I'm assuming it's like that for you too."

"I… I-I gotta say Magnus, I'm learning a lot more about you than I thought I would and that I think would rather not know." But there's bemusement in those words; a signal that means Taako doesn't really mean what he says. At least, not all of it. Magnus only releases a small, deep chuckle and shrugs his broad shoulders.

"I guess it'd be easier to say, that I couldn't really help myself when I started noticing the signs you were putting out. You have some really.. Kinetic energy. It was like… I could feel some sort of invisible pull from you."

That only darkens Taako's freckled cheeks even more. This entire conversation has been nothing but one giant trip for him , what with Magnus not only discovering his inclination for tickling but even bringing how own desire for it to light. What's even more wild? Magnus definitely wants to tickle him -- his eyes proved that he was practically hungry for it, and gods, Taako can still feel the goosebumps decorating his flesh from the sheer magnitude of the fighter's earlier peer. On one hand, this could be terrible. Sure, he and Magnus have some sort of weird, unspoken chemistry between them and it shows when they interact with each other. Magnus is steadily learning how to handle someone like Taako and it's crazy, Taako thinks, but at the same time, a… comforting sort of thought? On the other hand, Taako has been in the worst craving moods ever since he witnessed Magnus and Johann. Even before that, the elf would be burdened with the occasional craving and have no way of relief. Magnus could… maybe… become that outlet, and if what the other says is true, then Taako, could do the same for him in return.

Yet and still, he and Magnus have a long journey ahead of them and still many paths to cross and situations to deal with it… this sort of thing is more than just a silly prank or a playful way to tease to Taako. It's a very personal and intimate extension of himself, something not another soul has shared with him. Until this burly, dog loving dork anyway… and perhaps, this some kind of a sign.

A sign that his life is, finally, starting to shine brighter than he thought it could.

After what felt like hours of mulling over the thought, Taako speaks again. "... You know this isn't just some childish shit for me, right? It's the real deal." Without truly thinking about his actions, Taako's eyes flash at Magnus and are granted the same stare that he had earlier in return. " ---- Think you can handle that?"

Magnus had wondered for the longest time if he had overstepped his boundaries by his exposure and request, up until Taako's rebuttal of a challenge and suddenly, his fingers were twitching, apexes heating up with the urge to touch and stroke. Imaginably, his intentions in the beginning had been somewhat selfish -- but can he truly be blamed? For a gorgeous wildcard like Taako to have any semblance of submission towards a kink like this, especially one shared by him as well, it's honestly astounding. How can Magnus pass up this chance? It would be a whole crime to do so.

"I think the real question is if you can handle me." He shoots back and with the way Magnus' lips curl at the corners into an eager half smirk, Taako could melt into the mattress right on point. It's been much too long since someone was able to instill in him such avidity -- Magnus managed to do so in a one single sentence. At this point, he really isn't leaving Taako much of a choice.

".. I'd say tomorrow, but since it's already tomorrow Magnus, later today then. We'll see how good you are."

A chuckle breaches from Magnus, but he nods in agreement, "Looking forward to it," and with that, slinks back under the cover of the wooden frame of his bunk, leaving Taako to his own thoughts, whilst he too crawls back into his own bed -- though neither of them actually get much sleep from that point on.

The first sight of dawn rises over the horizon and a percentage of the b.o.b rises with it, including merle and robbie, neither of which find it especially necessary to wake their other two roommates for breakfast just yet and end up leaving them alone in the room. Magnus is the first to wake, groggily with a rugged yawn as he exits the bunk and stretches as far as his limbs will allow, animating refreshed muscles and joints. Upon renewed awareness, the fight distinctly recalls the conversation he had with Taako hours prior and his fingers suddenly flex on instinct, cheeks heating up if only for the realization that this was actually going to happen. Circling around, his gaze settles on the still sleeping wizard, observing him with a softness to his eyes that Magnus has yet to see another with; he seems so peaceful when he’s actually sleeping… beautiful, even. Magnus can peer at him up close and see just how long his lashes really are, how his freckles are bunched together on the bridge of his nose, but spread out over his cheeks and just keep going, covering his skin in various areas and varying degrees.. It appears so soft and smooth, and thought of being granted the opportunity to touch it as thoroughly as he will soon is enough to make his fingers flex again, impatiently this time, forcing him to hold back a chuckle at himself.

The need for a distraction is strong, so Magnus busies himself with dressing and locating the mess hall to gather up consumables for himself and for Taako too, considering he figures neither will be leaving the room much today. A short conversation with Merle and Robbie transpires, inwardly flushing relief when the two mention they have their own businesses to attend to and probably won’t be back for awhile. Magnus gives an acknowledging goodbye without telling either of them much of his and Taako’s affairs of course, and begins his tread back to the room with as much subtle swiftness as his large self can manage.

When Taako finally rouses from slumber, he yawns and stretches high, slender digits rubbing lightly at his eyes to rid them of sleep crust and adjust to the bright morning rays. With a lazy gaze around the room, he hoists himself up to look over the frame and comes to witness Magnus on the floor, setting out a few breakfast pastries and savory treats on two trays. He senses eyes on him and glances up to Taako, who in lieu gives him a wriggly - fingered wave, making Magnus smile and gesture for him to climb down. Taako nods and wastes no time in doing so, definitely perusing the food as his stomach growls in desire. Once out of bed, he sits cross - legged in front of the tray that isn’t already in front of Magnus and begins to chow down on what catches his eye. Magnus does the same, inviting a comfortable, though temporary silence between the two.

“Sooo…” Magnus begins once they’ve both finished their meal, unable to really look at one another in the eye, “Food was good.”

Flaxen gold locks sway lightly with Taako’s nod, smoothing out the wrinkled chiffon of his sleepwear, “..Yeah. Pretty good.”

It’s another few minutes of silence, before Magnus scoots himself around and closer to Taako, immediately invoking a settlement of heat to color the blond’s cheeks in anticipation. “Listen… I don’t wanna make you any kind of uncomfortable, Taako. This all sprang up pretty fast, so if you don’t want to do this, we definitely don’t have to and can act like last night didn’t happen if that’s what you want.”

That definitely isn’t what he wants; not in the slightest. The awkwardness that plagues the air around them isn’t exactly due to the coming act itself, but mostly from Taako’s own insecurities and the fear of vulnerability that approaches with this sort of thing. He trusts Magnus enough.. That isn’t the issue. He needs to be able to trust himself not to ruin something good before anything even occurs. A sigh through his nostrils breaks the impending tension that had been building while Magnus patiently waited for Taako’s answer, legs scooting so that his entire body faces the other and with a quick once over of Magnus, he extends both arms and offers them to the fighter. Magnus pauses, giving off a confused stare until he slowly lifts his own arms and mimics Taako’s motion with a small tilt of his head. A roll of his eyes ensues, but at least Magnus’ clueless has an amusing charm to it -- especially right now, helping to further evaporate some of the rigidity of the situation.

“No, dork -- touch me.” Taako lays his arms within Magnus’ open palms and the reaction from Magnus is immediate: a small “oh” sound, as if surprised, and a realization from his earlier ponderance does in fact conclude that Taako has really.. really soft skin. Unlike Magnus’ own flesh, which is scarred and calloused from his days of carpentry, to the battles of current times. Taako probably notices this too, from the thoughtful expression that perked his features once he actually felt Magnus’ fingers close around his smaller wrists. They remain like this, Magnus’s hands wrapped around Taako’s arms like loose handcuffs, simply getting a feel for his skin and determining a course of action. While brushing up the underskin of his arms, Taako squirms and a little whimper pulls from his throat before he realizes it. Magnus definitely takes notice of that reaction and repeats his action, watching with a blossoming delight at how Taako squirms a little bit harder that time and has to bite his lip to capture the noise before it leaks out again; however, it’s a little too late for that and timidness is suddenly out of the door.

Before Taako can truly register what happened, he discovers himself with the seat of Magnus’ lap, ample hands positioning themselves on his sides but haven’t dug in. Rose paints over freckled cheeks again, daring his eyes to rise and look at him questioningly, but words don’t come to formulate a verbal response. Magnus simply smiles down at him, half apologetic and half joyful. “Sorry.. I’m really trying to be patient, but you’re already killing me here.”

Even with the advantage of their positions, Magnus is still polite, respectful in his own way despite his seemingly growing impatience. Taako actually finds it really cute, endeared by the duality of the fighter’s morals. He relaxes against the other’s chest then, a signal to Magnus that he’s comfortable enough to permit him to do as he pleases (within reason) and Magnus isn't about to let the chance go to waste. Therein, his fingers commence their dutiful exploration, spidering along Taako's sides gently while moving in an ascending and descending motion. Taako's reaction is instantaneous, with choked giggles leaking from between plump lips that he binds in a tight line, attempting to keep the budding laughter captive within the hollows of his cheeks and throat -- obviously this doesn't pan out the way he had hoped. Especially when Magnus treads further south and hits a rather sensitive area: the sections of flesh at Taako's hips that separates meat from muscle, which has him squirming almost frantically and the giggles that bubbled from his chest, already amplifying into soft , full on belly laughter.

"M-Mahahagnus -- wait, wahahahit! Nohoho -- nooohohohot theeehehehere!"

"Not there? Not there… Oh! Oh, you mean, right here?" Magnus teases, delivering impish squeezes to each hip and earning the reward of a high pitched squeal from the elf writhing in his lap. It's invigorating to know that they've only just begun and Taako is already unraveling at the seams by his hands. Though momentary, he ponders whether the wizard's prior challenge was one of bluff, lack of experience, or he's so reactive simply because he truly is that sensitive. Whatever the case may be, Magnus is certainly soaking in every wriggle and giggle that blesses him.

"Aaahaa-! Mmmahahahaha, n-nooohohoho, stop, stahahahap!" Taako squeals while he continues to flail about, only to release a small squeak of surprise when Magnus does halt his tickling and glance up at him, a shy "I didn't actually mean that--" on the tip of his tongue, but the larger interrupts him before speech can form.

"Sorry, hold on, I should've asked before we started, I got carried away -- have you thought of a safeword? I know that when you say things like stop or no, you don't actually mean them, & that's fine and all, but I'm the type of guy that needs to have communication so I know when to really stop." He even temporarily removes his hands from Taako's hips, at which a whine leaks from the smaller's lips from the loss of contact.

"Um… if I'm being honest? No. I've never really had a need for one before now, I guess." Slender shoulders shrugged nonchalantly, his skin prickling with impatience at the continued lack of Magnus' fingers tickling away. The aforementioned fighter nods, a glaze of thought spreading over his features for a minute or so. "Alright… So, take a minute to think one up real quick. Then we can continue."

A whine nearly slips from Taako's lips at that, but he fathoms the importance of having a safeword for stuff like this. He can already tell from the concise amount of tickling Magnus has enacted so far that he'll definitely need one if things become too overwhelming. Additionally, Taako wholeheartedly appreciates the concern for his well-being. "That's a very Magnus thing of you to do." he teases him a bit, before actually mulling over what word to use. "Hm.. Ah.. Let's just use milk. Easy to remember, not stupid enough for me to be too embarrassed to call out."

Magnus smiles and as if in reward, plants his hands back upon the wizard's sides, beaming a little brighter when said wizard squeaks and rattles in his lap a little from the returned contact. "Sounds good to me. I'm gettin' back to it now." With that warning, thick extremities dig back into the skin of Taako's sides, garnering a prompt explosion of giggles and squirming once again. Even though Magnus hasn't done much yet, Taako's already gone extra sensitive, with little ripples of electricity riding his skin with every stroke and dip of the fighter's skilled fingers, causing Taako to actually wonder what he's gotten himself into.

"M-mmmahaa-! Mahaahahahahagnus, plehehehehease!"

"Pleeeease what? Change spots? Gladly." He's all too curious about the rest of Taako's body; even decided on a game -- a probably evil game, appropriately named: Find the Death Spot. To keep the elf from guessing his movements or next location, Magnus has one hand poking and prodding all over the expanse of his torso, while the other acts more strategically, utilizing claw rubs and squeezes to better assess Taako's sensitivity in that area. That hand hoists up from his hip, marking tickles along the way until Magnus reaches the top of his ribs and Taako absolutely loses it.

"N-no! Nonononohohoho! Oh gohohods, shit-! Shihihihihit, not thehehehere! Ah! Ahahaa--!" Taako's mouth hangs agape as laughter pours through like an even water flow, ringed hands pushing at Magnus' own halfheartedly, but the safeword never comes despite the rest of Taako's pleas, so Magnus simply attaches both hands that sweet spot and goes to town for a bit. In lieu, Taako tries to curl up and pull his knees to his chest to protect his ribs, but all that really does is trap the other's fingers in there, allowing him to work undisturbed by the elf's own attempts at pushing his hands away. He squeals when Magnus seems to punish him for his mistake by poking in between as many ribs as he can reach until Taako has to let his knees down so that Magnus can move positions -- if he even does.

"Y'know, it's pretty cute that your ribs are this ticklish. I think next time, I'll play them like piano keys and make you a fun little song. ~ ' The tease is completely dreadful and it brings a new splash of pink to Taako's cheeks, ears, and neck, to which Magnus is totally delighted to see. His laughter only seems to raise in pitch and volume with each passing minute; Taako hadn't the slightest idea that Magnus was this good! Honestly, who the hell has he been practicing on to be able to bring someone near to tears like this? It was wholly unfair, especially if you count in the fact they've only been at this for about ten minutes -- Taako had planned on making this last as long as he could manage, but with the tickling competence that Magnus is effortlessly dishing out right now, that wish isn't appearing very probable.

Magnus' chest suddenly rumbles with a curious hum and Taako knows that can't mean great news for him. He's trying to anticipate where and how Magnus will strike next, but he isn't granting him any hints, the big bully. His skin is on edge, zapped with extra ticklish just waiting for Magnus' fingers to act as conductors for the currents again; yet when all Taako receives are light spiderings over his stomach (enough to reignite his squeaks and giggles), a foreboding sense of trepidation occurs, like the calm before the storm. He feels Magnus deciding to migrate from his stomach and gulps at the thought of him attacking his hips again -- only to realize that he isn't stopping there, and instead, rests the flat of his palms right atop the meat of Taako's thighs, wherein the elf's face flares with heat and long, pierced ears twitch perceptively, daring to observe what Magnus does next.

He can definitely feel Taako's eyes bearing down into the backs of his hands, just bracing for whatever he ends up doing. It's a powerful feeling and Magnus is soaking it all up with a grin brightening his features. However, he doesn't move his hands yet, simply keeping their positions steady while leaning closer to Taako's ear. "-- Is this alright? I don't wanna touch you anywhere you're not comfortable with."

The wispy strands of Magnus' sideburns only tickle the hypersensitive skin of his ears, forcing Taako to snap down on his bottom lip from the threat of an embarrassing squeal trying to burst from his mouth. After a few moments, Taako finally deems himself calm enough to answer, though completely refuses to even peek in Magnus' general direction; in fact, one of his own hands goes to promptly conceal half of his face as he succumbs to abashment anyway. " … Do what you gotta do my man. Pretty sure I'm handlin' you better than you thought I would, huh? Hope you got more tricks up your sleeve than that."

Magnus can't refrain from laughing softly at Taako's hardass front -- he pretty much fathoms that's all it is, considering how much the elf has melted into him from the way Magnus' fingers have treated him thus far. That's just another part of Taako's charm, and if he's being honest, Magnus thinks it's cute as shit. It makes his fingers itch for another opportunity to make Taako squeal and laugh and eat the sass-laden words he just spoke. He proceeds to do just that, hands springing back to life with soft squeezes to the tops of Taako's thighs that already send him into frantic giggles and squirms.

"S-Shi--! Shihihihihihit--!" His hands push at Magnus', yet seem to be pin them down upon his skin rather than off. The fighter can't tell if that was intentional or not, but he certainly is going to make sure that Taako feels every result of his action. He digs into the sides the wizard's thighs in circular motions, alternating between faster and rougher or slower and softer, all the while dishing out the occasional squeeze and Taako absolutely loses it.

"MahAAAHAHAHAHA!" His laughter breaks free like a cracked dam with too much pressure and finally overflowing; it's loud, pitch and octave raising to a level Magnus didn't know Taako could achieve (honestly, neither did he) and for a second, he's worried that someone may hear him and wonder what the hell was going on for him to be screeching like he is. But Magnus can't find it in himself to care all too much -- and you wouldn't either if you got to see the same sight as him: Taako with nearly his entire visage painted in hues of rose, flushed ears flicking about in what he can only assume to be excitement or overwhelm, plump lips broken apart with a wide grin that showed every single pearly white and the best part of it all? Taako is absolutely glowing, even more so than his beauty normally is. Anyone would be able to clearly visualize how much he's genuinely enjoying this despite his half-hearted pleas for the larger male to cease. It's enough to bring Magnus a blush of his own, never wanting any of this to end.

Yet, when Magnus swears he hears the strangled, half-laugh, half-whine of the word milk, he halts all movement, immediately moving his hands off of Taako and setting them on his own thighs. He's still smiling, but it's softer and more apologetic than anything. "You okay, tough guy?" He teases, his voice is so gentle, almost barely above a whisper while Taako gulps down excessively deep breaths, taking back the oxygen that was stolen with every note of his guffawing.

"D.. Don't patronize me, ahahasshole… This is gonna be your f-first and only.. victory…" Magnus is silent for a minute, simply soaking up the fruits of his labor while the aforementioned elf still continues to pull an act even while looking and feeling as ruined as he is; combat or pranks wise, Magnus would have had a real reason to honestly fear what Taako's threats would entail, but for this? The ex carpenter knows he has a pretty significant advantage. Still, it's just as cute as earlier -- Magnus is having trouble refraining from nuzzling into the top of his head, knowing that wouldn't end well for him. So he simply settles for the view, leaning back as Taako regains his bearings. "Next time won't be so easy for you."

"... Oh. So there's gonna be a next time, huh?"

Taako glances back at him as if his sentence wasn't spoken in common, "What, you thought you were gonna win a one and done? Not on your life buddy boy, better exercise those fingers up 'cause you're gonna be bowing with hand cramps to the unbreakable Taako next time."

Magnus covers his mouth on a laugh, rolling his eyes a bit. "Oh yeah, lookin' forward to that mess."

A yawn interrupts the unbreakable Taako's next statement, his hand reaching up to block the breathy sigh that leaks from his mouth. "Mmm… but, for now, as next time's loser, your punishment is to hold me while I nap.." Taako's yawn was apparently infectious, noted so as Magnus releases one of his own, suddenly too tired to protest or argue that it's probably not the best idea to sleep in the middle of the afternoon. He wordlessly follows the wizard as he lifts off of his lap and makes a wobbly trail to the lower bunk where Magnus sleeps, unceremoniously flopping atop the mattress and curling underneath the blanket, with the bigger adventurer sliding in behind him. He spoons up against Taako, curling an arm around his waist to snuggle into him better, to which Magnus hears a low, grumbly, "And no funny business Burnsides."

"Wouldn't dream of it," comes the sleepy reply, but Taako doesn't see the smile upon his lips or the fingers crossed inside of his mind.

[feralnymth]

I can't believe I missed this episode holy shit

I just watched the Sallie House episode and holy shit.  

 (Some shippy things or however you see it below)

Shane.. something was up. He seemed so intense and did everything he could to get reactions out of Ryan. Wasn't fazed in the least, but with a slight hint of worry when a few things happened. He was yucking it up but at the same time keeping an eye out and an eye on Ryan.

which brings me to my next thing. Shane was hovering over Ryan in those moments where Ryan was panicking and was actually quite attentive. Like on the island of the dolls where suddenly he was behind Ryan in seconds and he grabbed him and pulled him back when (Ryan tripped? Fell?). Same here.

Ryan started having a panic attack and fell to the floor. Shane noticed as it begun and got that soft voice telling him "its okay, maybe sit down, watch your head, dont get hurt" and when Ryan wasnt as responsive and still in the attack, shane immediately went and sat directly about his head in the chair that he had to squeeze around Ryan to get into. I get it helps the shot to be that close when Ryan is spread out but.. there where easier to get to sitting options right there. I had a feeling he wanted to make sure he could help Ryan out of it and watch over him (the jumpcut to Ryan being up and fine). Protective and vigilante af friend that I would love to have.

Then the constant "you did it!" "I'm proud of you" "you're fine" from shane that clearly helps give Ryan confidence to keep going. Again, would love to have someone like that. I think Ryan is grateful for him as well when they go to these places. He is always sticking close to Shane or keeping him in his sight. If he starts to freak out bad, shane cracks a joke and you see the tense leave ryan and he plays along but you can tell he was grateful for the light tone.

The absolute JOY Shane has for a spooked Ryan is rather cute. Though, shane seems to back off if things start to get too far and reassures Ryan. This episode though... Like I said something was up here. He was glowing like a fool on adrenaline. (Like someone who got laid earlier or just won a car or smt)

The intensity Shane was using to taunt the demons while staring at ryans face was... a lot. Ryan wouldnt look him in the eyes even though i would have if someone is that close staring at my eyes for a while. (Which yeah, made it seem more like all that was fake and shane knew it but wanted to act it up to see how ryan would react. You know what? Ryan thinking its all real and being scared shitless was enough for me, entertaining as hell forget the legitimacy. 

And immediately after that taunting Shane is laying on a pentagram telling the demon to eat his heart, or go after ryans heart, but wait back up “we are a packaged deal” and its just... is this all a power move of his over the demon? (Like that much energy he puts towards ryan is some sort of claim, acknowledging what is in the house but making it clear ryan is off limits.... alright im into the au now damnit) Just saying he is awfully charged in this episode and a ton of people took notice and I think ryan was kinda offput.. like what is happening

You can't tell me that Ryan didnt curl against shane's side laying there between vlog updates. After admitting it, moving closer, how terrified he was, and how comforting shane was being emotionally and physically (shoulder rub/close proximity/fully facing ryan/body launguage open and relaxed). I ever get a friendship like that im set for LIFE.

Shane comes off as " it's hilarious when youre scared and if I cause it. But if you seem unwell or its getting a little too intense im drawing the line for you. I however can take ALLLLL of this, bring it onnnn. Leave the smol one alone tho, I'm right here and ready to mingle."

Ryan might be buff but he is still a small dude compared to Shane and I get the impression shane finds it very endearing. And uhhhhh lemme just say it seems like flirting a bit with the height banter. That was one thing me and guys always banted on for an excuse to be close and comment on eachother lightly, kinda like a "hey shortstack.. i kinda dig that"

Shane seems like he is only going to these places and is on the show to get a rise out of Ryan. Like he isnt that interested other than the history, but damn if he isnt invested in thinking on how Ryan is going to take something or what will spook him while he is alone. He couldn't care less about these places but lights up when watching how Ryan is fairing with the place. Ryan is in his spotlight. 

Ryan :“If I wake up and see something staring at me... *voice shaking and drawing in on himself*” and then shane leaning towards him doing an arm gesture (about to say something too, cut himself off) and expression I read as “you wont, ill be right next to you”

As they get ready for bed, Shane bringing up scary things to Ryan again to spook him and I guess it worked bc Ryan said “I’m moving closer to you, I dont care” and then a (pleased? surprised?) laugh and agreement from shane

Shane offering to go into a room first, "want me to take that?" "Want me to go in first?" "Watch your step, maybe i'll..." but also trying to guilt ryan into continuing to stay the night in the house after 3am (I wonder why hmmmm) 

Heart Eyes left and right 

What even was that last part of the episode, felt like a date, looked like a date, sounded like a date. “I’m happy to let you believe in this stuff cause then I get to watch you freak out.” “Lets leave, wait let me finish my beer” *Shane’s husky voice out of freaking no where* “Yeah, finish your beer.” 

This episode was just.. a lot. Bless.