#its a game made by a transwoman

[levia-kun]

As the release date of Hogwarts Legacy approaches and I see discourse surrounding it spike again. Just let me say one thing. Buying it doesn’t make you automatically a transphobe/bigot. There’s a different from being actively hateful and indirectly supporting one.

But at the very least, don’t you dare call yourseslf a trans ally.

Read another book.

[real-fire-emblem-takes]

I feel Chrom fans are the worst, they often directly put down other protagonists like Lucina, Marth and Dimitri, whilst ignoring or whitewashing Chrom's canonical issues including:

Never apologizing for his father's crusade against Plegia and attempted religious genocide of the Grimleal, to the point he acts like Ylisse was the "real" victim and that neither Plegia nor the Grimleal has no right being upset at Ylisse.

Chrom makes sure to only recruit the white Plegians and never shows disapproval of prejudice against the Grimleal even when its shown by his own retainer, Frederick.

Making the already ravaged Plegia pay for everything after the war, than abandoning the country letting another tyrant take over. He even admits 2 years after Gangrel's father, he never found out what happened to Gangrel or whom succeeded him which is grotesquely negligent for a King.

When Robin kills one thousand transport ships filled "stem to stern" with Walhart's troops, Chrom is ecstatic rather than showing any respect to this huge loss of human life. Necessary or not, human life should be respected. Its made worse as its clarified THe valm empire forces citizens to become soldiers, including Virion's Rosseane and Say'ri's Chonsin.

In the Japanese version, Chrom canonically hangs around a homophobe (Old Hubba) and kills an effeminate gay man/possible transwoman (Excellus), indicating homophobic and transphobic views.

The fact that he's always remorseful when he faces women also indicates that he has has sexist beliefs too. It doesn't help that every woman Chrom fights is shown as brainwashed by a wicked man (Aversa) or just trapped by love (Pheros), because no women could oppose the towering paragon of Machismo that is Chrom.

Chrom ultimately allies with unrepentant Walhart whom shared his father's desire to invade Plegia and commit religious genocide, further showcasing he learnt positively nothing from his father's actions.

Chrom tells Aversa "One person's life means nothing in the shadow of millions" when she tries to avenge Validar due to being brainwashed, as no woman could ever willingly care about men, our hero Chrom hates, only for Chrom hypocritically try to prevent Robin from sacrificing themselves to kill Grima, willing to sacrifice the world for Robin.

Yet despite all this, Chrom is lauded as a great king and lovable Himbo, all whilst characters like:

Marth get called a crybaby or "generic Disney Prince" that is only popular because he's from the first game and nostalgic losers from Japan can't get enough of him.

Lucina is said to be to be popular only because she's a a waifu that people "want to fuck".

Dimitri is treated as "White Man" or a "Fascist" whom "murders women", when he showed more concern and humanity towards Duscur than Chrom ever did to Plegia as well as treating both sexes equally and not hanging around heteronormative crusaders (Hubba again).

And yes, this is character hate towards Chrom, he's massively overrated by the fandom and gets passes for what other characters would be crucified for.

.

[snalsupremacy]

2024 Events (So far!)

2022 list

2023 list

And once again, these are not all the events, just the ones I come across with :)

Mickey Mouse is now public domain baby

Tom Scott retires from weekly uploads

MatPat retires

Duolingo bad?!

Toby Fox drew Reigen and Sans for Valentine's day.. A bit early? Eh, maybe it's another country's VD. Also birdie and Spamtom were there

OFMD cancelled

SAG-AFRA signed contract to allow AI voices in video games

Haha! Tumbrl live to be GONE in jan 24th! yahoo!

King charles diagnosed with cancer (we dont know which one) and, wouldn't you know it, Trysha Paytas announces her second pregnancy

Nicki Minaj spirals after Megan Thee Stalion disses her in response to Nicki's constant & blatand shade for her...

Kristen Stewart causing mass gay panic with her roling stone magazine photoshoot

Vtuber agency Nijisanji under fire after mistreatment of employee almost cost their life

Nimona whole movie FREE on youtube!! with captions!!

Popular transwoman tumbrl user gets banned for posting transition pics, causing discussions of tumbrl CEO's incopetence and the porn ban targetting trans people more than actual porn

Nonbinary 16 year-old american teenager Nex Benedict dies a day after getting beat up by students in their school. While the autopsy claims the death isn't because of the injuries, they might be lying. There's also the possibility of suicide, which would still be linked with the bullying and transphobia they suffered. Rest in peace Nex Benedict.

ATLA live action not that good, but from what I hear could be worse!

Minecraft youtuber Wilboor Soot revealed to have abused his ex-gf Shelby, posts terrible "apology"

James somerton posts ANOTHER apology video and I kid you not it's called "A Measured Response" in reference to HBomb's series of the same name

Willy Wonka event is a total scam and it looks awful and there a new character called the unknown that is terrifing also the whole thing was made by a guy using AI

Legendary Mangaka Akira Toriyama passes away at 68, The amount of people in this world that'll miss him... It's over 8000! Rest in Peace Toriyama <3

Stardrew Valley major update

Nickelodion docu about how Dan Shneyder is a total creep and Spencer goated with the sauce

Red v Blue queerbait was acutally going to be canon?!

Tumbrl's april fool's joke this year was the ability to "boop" other users, fun!

guy from firefighter show confirmed bi, yay!

Ziraldo morre aos 91 anos ;-;

Solar eclipse yay yay yay!!

Iran attckas Israel (no bombs reach bc of israel's iron thingy i forgot the name)

Jojo siwa new song turns the internet over. Breaking news: child who grew up in the entertainment industry is a mal-adjusted adult?!?!

ICE ADOLESENCE CANCELLED I HOPE THE MAPPA EXECS GO BANKRUPT

Watcher moving from youtube to a inscription program which is a terrible idea in all ways

New Taylor Swift album. Public consensus: Mid-to-not-good. Swiftie consensus: MASTERPIECE OMG ITS PERFECT

Columbia college taken over by palestinian protests

THEY KILLED THE CW SNIPER

Dan and Phill girlies going insane bc one of them tweeted a orange heart?

May the 4th be with you!

Kendrick Lamar and Drake drama summary here

Eurovision commences

EUROPAPA DISQUALIFIED THE DREAM IS DEAD.

Welp, this year's Eurovision was a shitshow. Same time next year?

Nintendo to announce the new console "this fiscal year"

James Somerton fakes his death then uses an alt to post pics of his private parts TOT

SPN actors Ty olson and DJ qualls are engaged! Mazal Tov to them and to this gay ass fandom!!

(jjk soilers) the brain thing took over gojo's body LMAOOO

KABUSO THE DOGE DOG PASSED AWAY NOOOOOOOO TOT TOT TOT TOT TOT TOT

qsmp coming to an end thank G-d

#april: 3ds + wii u internet shut down (via @chaotixxx337)

[June]

I'm severely depressed and can't keep up with anything

that being said, congratulations Thailand for being the first SEA country to legalize Same-sex marriage!!

mario and luigi brothership announced (via @chaotixxx337 )

Gainax OVER ITS JOEVER HAHA GOODBYE EVANGELION THEYRE BANKRUPT

[July]

Artfight! yay!

Joost and Kaarija collab?!

Shelley Duvall dies at age 75 TOT

Streamer sketch outed for being previously a gay sex worker

Streamer Dr Disrespect is found out to have in-appropriately texted minors

Genshin back at it again by making entire regions based in places like south/central America and Africa and including everything except the melanin 😐😐can hoyoverse go bankrupt already

Trump association attempt (only hurts his ear)

Biden has covid

BIDEN STEPS DOWN FROM RE-ELECTION

DIZZY, VENOM, NEW CHARACTER, AND LUCY EDGERUNNERS IN GUILTY GEAR STRIVE

(jjk spoiler) nobara confirmed dead

VP Kamala Harris to run for president in US election

Oh uh, famous commentary youtuber Kody Ko definitely had sex with a minor and refuses to talk about it!

What the fuck is book of bill

UZUMAKI COMING SEPTEMBER 28 THE WAIT IS FINALLY OVER OMG

Oh lord the Book of Bill is an ARG

Turns out they really are having technical difficulties. We've been staring at a picture of Soos for days over nothing.

Oh yeah the Olympics ar happening, go sports!

[August]

MY HERO ACADEMIA FINALLY ENDED. WE'RE FREEEEEE

Olympics going awesome, highlights is BRASIL MLEHOR PAIS DO MUNDO CAMPEÃO REBECA ANDRADE MINHE RAINHA also a guy who lost the poll jumping bc of his dick

Neil Gaimen, author of famous books like "Coraline" and "Good Omens" is revealed to have been a creepy dude towards young girls

new umbrella academy season is shit

MG announced a new album we are so back

BRAZILIAN MIKU IS LOVE BRAZILIAN MIKU IS LIFE

BRITANY MANSON NOT YOU TOO

[jjk spoiler] NOBARA KUGISAGI IS ALIVE FEMINISM IS BACK ON!!!!!!!!!

[September]

Minecraft movie trailer! Good news: Jack black. Bad news: Everything else💀

Nicokado Avocado revealed that he is actually skinny and all the videos were from 2 years ago, which is insane to say the least

Twitter no longer in Brazil. Good luck to Twitter without us there lmfao. We were the best part of that app anyway🙄

Splatoon 3 ended? i didn't even know a game could.. end? why? its so popular tho? i don't get it

Moo Deng the baby hippo

VOLTRON WILL BE TAKEN OFF NETFLIX RIP BOZO

meteor will orbit earth for about a week meaning we'll have a secondary mini-moon :D

babe wake up, Mozart just dropped (insert GTA6 joke here)

OCTOBER

Uzumaki bad. 5 years of wait for nothing. the dream is dead.

VOLTRON LIVE-ACTION STARTING HENRY CAVIL

Gayshit Impact voice actors on strike!! Hope they win fr!! fuck hoyoverse so much!!!

Liam from 1D dies at 33

TYLER ANNOUNCED NEW ALBUM CHROMAKOPIA LETS GO

this happened in aug but the CEO of youtube DIED?! how did I not hear of that now?!

SONADOW GENERATIONS IS GOOD GUYS A SONIC GAME IS GOOD ITS GOOD WE DID IT

happy halloweeen!

NOVEMBER

i was born

vatican anime girl mascot called Luce who is really cute and also a missionary

its us election day and also destiel 4 aniversary

TRUMP WON??????

fucking Santa and Moo Deng are trump supporters what is going on

Arcane S2 yipee

Tony Todd, actor in Candyman, passed away at age 69

DSMP work now downloadable, pretty neat!

idk man a lot of stuff happened i lost the plot... arcane ended... uhh...

mike tyson vs jake paul FDDDDDDDDDDDX1 (my dog just walked on the keyboard mbv) anyway jake paul wins

wicked movie

THEY GAVE SHADOW A GUN

THE SUMMER HIKARU DIED COMING TO NETFLIX I AM ASCENDINGGG

DECEMBER

UNC Healthcare CEO shot with bullets that read "Deny, Defend, Depose". Shooter ID still unknown but general public loves him

isuocha canon who cares honestly I hope my hero crashes and burns and horikoshi never has another successful work ever again-qTHEY FOUND THE SHOOTER??

United healthcare CEO shooter id as Luigi Mangioli who among many things has a crhtonic back issue, loves the pokemon breloom, and had a good reads acc

Star trek short that shows kirk traveling realities to be with spock on his death bed

The syrian government collapsed???

SPIRK CANON?!?

GARASHIR CANON?!?

The Luigi situation just keeps getting worse man, this Florida woman got arrested for saying "deny defend depose" on the phone line, he's getting tried for TERRORISM(???) like what is even going on anymore

[butchviking]

What does "feminism can and must be compatible with trans issues" mean to you? Ive been trying to be more inclusive, but trans issues often to seem to be incompatible with feminism.

hm well that was one line of the post that i did think 'i wouldnt phrase it quite that way'. i think besides the weird-ass conservative strains of feminism that dont reflect what i consider feminism at all, feminism IS compatible with trans issues. not that "it must be" like feminists have to change what they're doing to revolve more around trans issues or anything - feminism has no obligation to fight for trans issues just like the anti-racism movement has no obligation to fight sexism and the gay rights movement has no obligation to fight for disability rights - but that those causes simply ARE compatible. classic example: the public bathroom debate. right now that's often framed like feminism and trans activism are diametrically opposed and there can be no resolution for one that doesn't contradict the needs of the other. the trans activist movement wants all public toilets to be unisex and based on gender identity instead; the feminist movement wants sex-segregation regardless of gender identity. only, most feminists i know all agree by now that just. adding a unisex/gender-neutral option is literally the obvious and best way to keep people safe. and if there's no room for adding an extra, convert all the current spaces to single-stall unisex facilities. that way literally everyone is kept safe, no-one's rights are encroached on at all and anyone who takes issue is either a predator upset that they don't have the opportunities for abuse they wanted or a selfish weirdo who only cares about how they feel abt women or trans ppl or whatever ("but thats not good enough i want to use the WOMENS room!!"/"why should we have to give up OUR space just because of the transgenders!!") rather than about the actual safety & wellbeing of both of those groups. we're made to think feminism and trans rights activism are incompatible on this, its one of the biggest talking points in conservative media bc they KNOW it gets everyone at each others throats. but theyre literally compatible theyre literally so so compatible there is no reason on this earth anyone should still be having this stupid fucking debate its such a COLOSSAL waste of all our time.

there are certain things i think some feminists could do with not being so weird about. a lot of women are still super yucked out by male gender non-conformity and a lot of them for some reason still won't even admit it even though they bang on about it aallllll the time - but oh no, that's not bc they think it's creepy and fucked up for dudes to wear dresses and makeup, they're only saying these horrible things abt it because this one dude is transgender and that means they're evil and misogynistic by default so theyre fair game! (does anyone remember - haha kidding i know u remember i know i never shut up abt it - how many women on radblr were so so weirded out and for some reason ANGERED by gerard in his little dresses & skirts. he's not even trans. in fact suddenly everyone seemed to be saying "oh yeah he's definitely going to come out as trans sometime soon 🙄 he's obviously drunk all the gender kool-aid 🙄" like shut up you literally just made that up in your head to try and justify ur anger. shut upppp.) or sometimes it's like "men shouldnt wear makeup because its mocking our oppression it's wearing our chains for fun" - it really isnt and you need to get over yourself.

there are also certain things some trans activists could do with not being so weird about. if i see one more fucking transwoman act like its her god-given right to be included in lesbian dating pools, or transman that its his god-given right to be included in gay mens dating pools, i am going to start burning things i am going to start burning so many things and people too and i am going to squidge all the organs from inside these people until all the moisture is wrung out and i am going to set those on fire too. homosexuality is fucking natural innate sex-based and NORMAL and HEALTHY and GOOD. ive seen pro-trans lesbians turn into "terfs" based on this point alone btw - they were so fucking sick of all the homophobia they became vehemently opposed to the whole movement. they began to believe that feminism, gay rights activism, and trans rights activism AREN'T compatible. i still believe they are i just think some people need to throw out the bullshit that isnt actually relevant to either cause.

[katra-applesauce]

I wanna add here that while one can definitly argue about the name being uncommon or unusual and maybe, even with best intentions, coming across as missguided as transwomans name in the context of the first trans character in the HP universe, it is worth noting that Sirona is a legit womens name. The name also does fit thematically, because it is the name of a celtic goddess associated with healing and letting go of pain. Additionally, her attributes are snakes and eggs. Snakes are reptiles and a small subset of reptile species can change sex later in their life. (and at least 1 species changes *gender* in that it alters its physical appearance to be perceived by other snakes of its species to be different from that assigned at birth) Again, while the argument can be made that its an unusual name to chose or even go as far as it having been chosen intentionally for malicious reasons, that would also be a fairly shallow assessment given the history and meaning of the name and how it very strongly resonates with theme of being trans and it would be difficult to find a name that could convey more support for the concept of being trans, regardless of its acoustic perception or wether someone can see the word sir in it and jumps to the notion that the name was chosen specifically for that-because that would be in direct contrast to the meaning and origin of that name. So maybe, its worth seeing this as a name chosen by someone supportive of trans individuals, trying their best to find a name from the language that would be sensible for a HP based game (celtic or english) that isnt just a shallow pretty name slapped on but one that has intrinsic meaning to the character it belongs to. And given that Trans individuals have infact worked on this game, including pushing for non gendered character creation options, and Sirona's VA being Rebecca Root, a transwoman herself, this take is probably not far removed from the truth. Just my 2 cents on this topic though.

[Image description Tweet from FeoUltima "Kojima would never name a trans woman character Sirona Ryan, he'd name her something like Hard Mommy and trans women all over would go "changing my name to that" in response."]

Source

[endless-sketching]

I've only played "one night, hot springs" and I'm at the start of the second one, but I got all of the endings for it. So I wanna share my thoughts on this really lovely game.

Quick heads up: my impressions with visual novels are rather limited. Seeing how I only know about visual novels on a surface level and I've only played a small amount of them in the past. (I rambled a bit so feel free to skip this section and read what I thought about a year of springs)

The only ones I've that I've properly finished was Va11halla, Synergia, Slay the Princess, missed messages, You Left Me, Doki Doki Literature Club (original and DDLC+), Coffee Talk (only Episode 1), and If Found.

Technically Alter Ego, Alter Ego Complex, and Aznana count as visual novels but they're more idle games that progresses the visual novel story than proper visual novels. (would Smile for Me count as a visual novel? wait does Ghost Trick and Ace Attorney count??? oh god does that also means Helltaker counts????)

I listed all of them cuz I didn't think my list would be this long.

Aside from that, my impression of VNs are more gamified in a sense. That you'll have to fill up a bar with a certain character to progress or romance that character. To get the girl and all that. Actually, yeah now that I'm thinking about it, my only impressions of vns were romance vns.

Those felt more for people that wanna experience a more self insert type romance story. And with how they're usually done in a really fan service centric way. From just the jokes I've seen that were made of this type of game was enough for me to just not play vns all together.

Even with yuri vns like Kindred Spirits on the Roof, the presentation felt weirdly mediocre. It's not bad but I would've liked it a bit more if the artstyle was a bit more interesting or it had those fun limited animations that ace attorney has. Though I'm being rather unfair to this game since I haven't finished it yet. That and its plot would've been better suited as an anime or manga as far as I can remember it as. I dunno honestly, take all of what I've said about this game with a massive bucket of salt. Especially when I haven't fully played it beyond just the beginning.

The vns that I did stuck around to finish either had a fun visual or gimmick to them like Va11halla's diegetic manual music player, or stories that hook me like any of the other vns I mentioned.

I will admit that the way vns show their story is super hard for people to get into since it's basically a different way of reading a book to put it bluntly.

Ok I'm actually getting into the game that I wanted to talk about now.

I first heard of "One night, hot springs" through a random Twitter post of someone making fan art of the game. I wish I can find which one it is since I didn't even knew that Haru was a transwoman, the only thing I knew about it was "three women? Ah so it must be a cute yuri. It is cheap so I might as well buy it" and then it blindsided me with a genuinely sweet and super well written story with queer characters with zero compromises or any dumb wishy washy "erm acktually" and actually presents the reality of the situation for characters like Haru.

I love this game to bits because of how well done the routes are too. The game gives you the option to turn on a hint system where it'll give you 3 hearts on the top left to keep track of what dialogue option you should or shouldn't pick. I had it on to see how the game deals with this kind of system and see how certain routes are triggered. And I'm super suprised that you can get all of the game's endings (minus the bad ending) without losing any hearts. Which is a really big deal because it means you get to get these endings in more than one way. And it also shows that you don't compromise yourself with the world to get these endings.

See, you lose a heart when you choose to seclude yourself from the world. Like the choice you get after Haru finishes filling out the paperwork, be upfront and asks if there's any problems to the lady at the front desk and you don't lose any hearts. You actively see that when you pick options where Haru doesn't get to live as herself, she loses a heart.

But the fun part is how this doesn't entirely affects how you get the Manani or Erika endings.

The hint system cleverly points out how certain choices are just straight up bad or wrong. Like when you're talking to Erika about trans stuff and she unintentionally says a transphobic thing like "oh so a nickname for when you were a boy?" If you don't call this out, you lose a heart. But it doesn't lock you into a route. The only time you get any of the endings is if you lose all hearts before a certain point of the game or lose all hearts during one of the character specific routes OR chose specific dialogue options without losing any hearts.

It's an amazing message to tell to your players that living as yourself shouldn't be a compromise. You only hurt yourself if you're lying to yourself.

Words really can't fathom how much this story means to me by just doing this simple act alone.

I really can't wait to see what the other chapters are and where they're gonna take the story.

[micetown]

me ascending into heaven from old Dangan discourse like "chihiro is just a guy who feels safer presenting femininely and if he didn't die then he might have eventually felt safe presenting more masculine" while gender normative people try to throw stuff at me from below

(the tags are crucial btw so look at them)

[hellafluff]

Huh so like no one is talking about Get in the Car, Loser! So here's a screenshot of the first boss to entice you.

I played to the second act tonight and so far have had a very fun time. A group of queer babes steal an ancient sword and are planning to kill a sleeping god that's worshipped by incels and fascists. Its mix turn based RPG and visual novel with a unique fight mechanic that's fun once you figure it out.

The characters so far have been really fun to get to know, the music's great, the lore is interesting, th animations are WOW, I love the visual style and I've laughed a lot.

My chief complaints are a few things about the battle system and menuing is a pain in the ass.

Also it's free and on Steam :)

[zan0tix]

TYSM FOR THE ASK I HAVE A REPLY FOR YOUR TAGS BUT ITS LONG SO ITLL BE UNDER THE CUT AGAIN ive been bottling up my ideas for months im actually exploding rn dont let me talk abt homestuck i will not shut up😭😭😭

I feel like because dirk is the more “explicitly gay one” because in text he is specifically labeled as such (when thats so hilarious considering just how extensive and thought out jakes gay coding seems to be) and i guess people fall back on gpa harley and also post canon jake both being Super Masc presenting and also disregard his expression of femininity as frivolous or comedic. This is so stupid when Literally in his INTRODUCTION he points out his “Sexy Lara Croft Thigh Strap Gunholsters” specifically and has a little bit about them LIKE WHAT ON EARTH ELSE IS THIS MEANT TO BE TELLING US ABOUT HIM😭

Speaking of lara croft i watched both tomb raider movies with cyrus because weve made a list of movies that are referenced or appear in homestuck (at least what we could identify) AND ITS SO ENLIGHTENING OMFG. If you havent watched con air and are a homestuck fan you Need to watch it its so hilarious knowing the context i promise its worth it for homestuck.

BUT TOMB RAIDER!!!! Get this. Lara croft lives in her big mansion full of wacky memorabilia and weaponry and had a deep connection with her deceased father and he greatly inspires her to do what she does. She has a techie guy in the chair who she has coy sometimes flirtatious interactions with. And she goes on a grand adventure exploring the world and interacting with old rivals and discovering artefacts and stopping a great evil. AND THERES ALSO A ROBOT BUILT BY THE TECH GUY THAT SHE TRAINS AND SPARS WITH. TELL ME THIS ISNT WHAT JAKE WAS IMAGINING WHEN THEY SAID THEYD PLAY THE GAME AND HAVE AN ADVENTURE AND ALSO WHAT INSPIRED SO MUCH ABOUT HIS ATTITUDE. But it turns out sburb and reality are not campy and fun and are actually cruel and unforgiving :(

But jakes gayness and expression of femininity are integral to his character and how the narrative treats him and you can tell the exact kind of guy hussie was trying to capture using jake. IDK. My jake interp specifically… have you guys ever met a fem gay bear😭 they tend to be so nerdy and silly its so perfect for jake. I believe if homestuck wasnt such an internet niche thing and was like a tv show or something gay men would LOOOVE jake. You cannot tell me jake isnt a theatric gay and wouldnt take any opportunity to dress up (literally does this in comic)

I think because this fandom is so heavily transmasc dominated alot of people dont know how to or dont want toportray transfem characters😭😭 so many people boil the girls down to just being Nice and Kind because theyre girls and nothing else and all the others whose negative actions are integral to the plot are huge bitches who are irredeemable (literally saw someone say this abt vriska a bit ago💀💀💀) so when it comes to june and the “erasing” of her personality i think it stems from peoples internalised misogyny and also just. Not being friends with any transfems. It feels like it comes from the idea that girls cant be anything but Nice and Kind and Happy. Hashtag guys. JUST LISTEN TO TRANSFEM PEOPLE THEYRE PEOPLE TOO???😭 Transwoman June has the exact same personality as if she had not transitioned.. shes the SAME PERSON. Let her be mean and nerdy and depressed it wont kill you🙏

I also see so much of “X character presents fem/masc so that means i will hc them as transfem/transmasc!” When thats so reductive and brainless im not sorry😭 people seem so paranoid of letting any of their favs be anything other than Trans Boy or Trans Girl or Transmasc Nonbinary. As a transmasc YOU GUYS HAVE TO STOP AND THINK FOR A SEC😭😭😭 particularly about jake and jane.

Jake and jane (aside from davepeta) are THE most transcoded and gender non conforming characters in the comic. I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL Thats literally what both their personal arcs are ABOUT but people think theyre annoying so they dont care💀 but making jake transmasc and jane transfem when their ENTIRE ARCS are about growing up in cishetero society and being conditioned to believe they were meant to be like that too until they discover they dont have to be!!! Jake english would not be transmasc and not know liking men is okay that voids like a whole part of his identity journey.

And then it becomes especially strange to make jake transmasc and jane transfem when crockertier jane threatens to make him into a baby making machine??????? Do we not see a problem with this omfg😭😭😭

If you want a transmasc and a transfem OVERPERFORMING their gender identities THATS DIRK AND ROXY!!! They are RIGHT THERE!!! Both their stories of growing up where they got to Choose their identities and presentation but had to piece those together from the remnants of a dead civilisation and then inferring how theyre meant to be from their friends and thus having flawed views on what it is to be a Man and a Woman. Then ALL the alphas learning that their expectations for themselves were from flawed systems and ideas and that rather they are Themselves, how ever theyre comfortable being LIKE THIS IS JUST TEXTUAL MAN IDK WHAT TO SAY😢😢😢This is why i dont trust alpha kids fans who are only a fan of one of them and not the others bc theyre all integral to understanding eachother

But Homestucks messy portrayal of gender and sexuality is so unique and realistic and offering jane and jakes dichotomy of being in the closet and then once they get the choice to theyre experimenting with their presentation in a very casual way around their friends and deconstructing the systemic ideas that has restricted them back on earth and then to just throw that all out the window feels disheartening to me :/

One of homestucks best aspects is the intricate and realistic portrayals of queerness and ESPECIALLY it being a sapphic and transfeminine centric story, its so special i havent found it in anything else but so many people are so ready to just flat out ignore it all in favour of making everything abt men!!!!!! I could talk forever about the importance of homestucks reversed narrative gender roles but if you cannot admit that the women are INTENTIONALLY more important than the men idk what to say other than Read it Again.

IM SO SORRY I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS😭 like i said im the master of going on tangents dont let talk abt homestuck im insane. But thank you!!😁😁 tomatograter dirkjakepilled me… i hope to be honouring the nonbinary gay jake meta he outlined years ago with grace🙏🙏

Hi tumblr user Zan0tix, I have to say that I love that you draw Jake as big and hairy AND fem. It's such a rare combination outside of mean-spirited caricatures, every time I see your Jake I get a big smile on my face. :)

Hi tumblr user HermitCyclop ^u^ here is a jake drawing for you 🫶

The transmisogynistic demonisation of these features is so maddening!!! I agree! Im glad that the intent (appreciating these features) of my jake design reaches you c:

GOING TO PUT IT UNDER THE CUT BECAUSE I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY. But jake english gender meta because i think about it Too Much and am taking this as an excuse to infodump abt it. 😁

The alpha kids and their specific defiance of both homestucks gendered narrative AND real life societal expectations are so fun to think about to me!! but since we are talking about jake, his specific defiance of both homestucks models of masculinity and femininity in the context of his queerness is like the reason he is my fav character.

He props himself up that he wants to be the adventure "hero" in the homestuck sense (the hardheaded blue femme fatale) and the western media sense (the hardheaded action man) yet whenever pressed to actually act on what he says he always refuses or obfuscates. Because really what he wants is to just be himself! I really love the alpha kids because they all just want to be Themselves, not be restricted and defined by what is expected of them, (all the characters have this but the alphas particularly really hammer this home for me)

The heavy emphasis on their beta selves, the heteronormative archetypes they embodied and what went wrong in their lives that manifest as fears in their alpha selves... im always thinking about it. How differently society affects queer ppls choices in life and then the fact that they all get a second chance and getting to watch them live out that second chance and realize their queerness and them all caring so much abt eachother and wanting to aspire to be better FOR the ones they love!!!!!! it always tugs at my heart strings to ponder😢😢

IM SO GOOD AT GOING ON TANGENTS MY BAD but basically. The alpha kids explicit queerness and how despite the comic itself protesting, they are all shown to be deserving of love (of all kinds) And as a person who super heavily relates to jake, his experience with his own identity (and dirks unending adoration and love for him and likewise jakes belief and admiration of dirk) serves to me as a reminder that yknow! We are all worthy of love!! Even if we dont think ourselves to be (this is just the message of shrek.) and there is always hope to be found in things improving!!!!

But in a text thats explicitly queer and not shy about letting its queer characters do wrong in realistic ways i think this message is incredibly powerful and certainly one of the best things about the comic in my eyes. And i love embracing that in my art of the characters! Drawing queer (but here specifically trans) characters all getting to be proud of themselves and their appearances makes me feel proud of myself alongside them and I think its wonderful to be able appreciate other trans peoples experiences and looks through it too!!

I specifically in homestuck fandom dont really see anybody but twinks (usually dirk or eridan LMFAO) portrayed to be fem in any manner 😢 when jake is the most explicitly feminine man in the comic. (I think the transmisogyny thats kind of rampant in this fandom means people dont want to consider those outside conventional attractiveness being feminine or transfem identities outside binary transwomen if even that😭😭) I am being the change i wana see in the world 🙏 The amount of transfem fat gay bear jake in the world increases by one every time i post

[teaveetamer]

Kaga said making Hilda as evil as she was difficult for him, but he still made her like that and made her old/unpleasant looking. Similarly FE4 had several other minor female bosses that were nasty and unpleasant. Also whilst not as much as the male bosses, they were made to look evil/nasty.

IS not only made Eremiya, an innocent brainwashed into evil, but she was still inexplicably young and beautiful looking despite being middle aged at least. They also made the only female enemies in Mystery of the Emblem to be kidnapped victims.

Oh and in the remake of Gaiden, they made ALL witches brainwashed victims AND had Celica brainwashed, all things that never happened in the original.

And we also have:

Actually every 3DS era has had a brainwashed female antagonist and not even ONE intelligent System developed Fire Emblem game since Radiant Dawn has had a female villain acting of her own agency.

New Mystery of the Emblem: Eremiya is mindcontrolled and this is revealed at the very last minute by the point when the Audience has no time left to empathize with her after all her ridiculous acts and has no effect given we knew the true Eremiya to begin with. They also retconned the one and only instance of female enemy troops in the original game to be kidnapped victims.

Awakening: Besides Aversa being brainwashed, Pheros explicitly only fights because she's in love with Walhart, Raimi battles only due to a misunderstanding, and Excellus is presented as a transwoman, thus acceptable to use violence on.

Fates: Arete is resurrected and mindcontrolled by Anankos to obey him.

Echoes Shadows of Valentia: Witches go from female cultists to brainwashed victims, which is emphasized constantly in remake original dialogue. Rather than fighting her way out like in the original, Celica gets brainwashed by Jedah and turned into a witch, requiring Alm to snap her out.

But wait, what about Nuibaba? Well the artbook reveals all she wanted to be was a housewife, but an evil rake turned her sister again her and murdered her, resulting in Medusa reviving Nuibaba as a shell of her former self.

Yeah, Kaga's not great and has his own issues, but one is definitely worse than the other in this case. It should be noted that the person that promoted "Kaga brainwashing fetish, LOL", was a huge proponent of Kusakihara. If brainwashing women is anyone's fetish, its Kusakihara's.

And we also have:

Not the same anon who mentioned post-Kaga IS being squeamish about evil women, but I think I get where they're coming from. (They'll probably explain too but) IS, not so much post-Kaga but rather post-avatar insert, seems very hesitant to make a female villain who leans more into her villainy than her sympathetic traits. Kaga explicitly stated he was uncomfortable with evil women like FE4 Hilda, and while she does have some pitiable circumstances like her son and husband being killed (for being active participants of military occupation lmao), it's still not emphasized for her character as much as her glee for personally making Tailtiu and the hunted children suffer, nor is it used to justify or excuse her malice. Now post-FE12, it's hard to find a villainous woman in FE that wasn't abused, brainwashed, and/or just has her evil deeds swept under the rug as an excuse for why she had to act so darn evil. About the only place that gets exceptions to the rules is FEH, and occasionally those excuses also get slipped in for some characters (Freya, Veronica).

And we also have

May as well add this to the Kaga thing, but I'm not saying Kaga is by any means perfect and he definitely suffers from benevolent sexism as well, that said he seems better by comparison and "this female antagonist whom seemed evil but was really a brainwashed victim all along" is something that became prominent after Kaga left Intelligent Systems.

The Kaga Saga games did have stuff like a girl willingly fighting the player characters because they killed her uncle for example, in addition to some evil women.

I have noticed with Kaga's evil women, they do tend to be middle aged and evil looking, albeit not to the extent of the male villains whom tend to have more "ugly" features.

Though most of Kaga's evil characters tend to be middle aged and not attractive in general, with the exception of Kempf clones, actually Kempf inspired characters showed up in alot of Kaga's games.

Sorry if the formatting on these is weird, but the new Tumblr post editor does not like letting me change the format of multiple paragraphs at once. I tried to keep the messages all together.

Anyway, thanks everyone for sharing!

I do say I give Arete and Fates a pass just because like everyone who opposes you in Rev are are brainwashed Anankos minions. Arete, Mikoto, Sumeragi, Gunther, Garon, and Takumi are all brainwash victims. If you bring in Heirs of Fate you can kind of add all of the father characters to that list, too. I really don't think it's on the same level of egregious as, say, SoV's handling of female characters (where basically every female character is brainwashed or needs to be rescued from kidnapping).

Having not played a lot of the Kaga-era games I get the impression that our post-Kaga world is sexist about evil women, just in a different way from the Kaga era. Back then it was just a general lack of acknowledgement that women existed, intentionally trying to make them old and ugly "witches" that you won't sympathize, and general disbelief that women can be evil. In the modern era it's more about removing their agency and trying to keep them appealing for marketability purposes.

I think it's also kind of hard to compare the two because... Kaga was making games on NES and SNES carts with kilobytes of space to actually put your game on vs. modern era where games can be a lot more eloquent and in-depth about the story and the characters and backstories because they have the space to do so.

[caleocross]

more pronoun and sexuality headcanons, but this time for haikyuu :)))) this will probably be in multiple parts, so yeah part 1, part 2, ... first up, we have karasuno

 hinata: he/they, yes i can and will make all my faves he/they's, you cant stop me anywyas hinata thinks gender is stupid, who cares when volleyball exists. hes also bi, and kageyama was his bi awakening in middle school during that one game bc kageyama is so infuriating but he's also really really attractive. he's had crushes on kageyama, yamaguchi, yachi, and kenma. hes also thought that kuroo, akaashi, oikawa, atsumu (ew), and kyoko are really really attractive. he might have a thing for setters, idfk. if there were more female characters associated with karasuno, i'd give him more fem characters to crush on, but there arent any which is a crime 

kageyama: he/him, standard cis boi. also thinks gender is stupid bc volleyball but doesnt realize this until he talks to hinata and yamaguchi about it. he's content with he/him pronouns tho, bc he's used to them and he doesnt really think about these things much. hes homosexual and demiromantic.

 yamaguchi: they/he/she, pretty much good with any pronouns. found out they were non-binary in middle school, but didnt come out until highschool bc he was afraid how tsukki/people in general would react. tsukki now makes it his personal mission to kick the ass of anyone who misgender's yama on purpose. she's also panromantic and demisexual.

 tuskishima: he/him, cisgender male, big big homo. has known he was gay since he was a kid, but didnt come out to anyone. didnt really feel the need to, its his buisness and no one elses. no one really knew for sure until tsukki just came home one day and was like "me and yamaguchi are dating" to his mom and brother.

daichi: he/him, cis, bisexual, not much on him. he just vibes. def had a thing for michimiya and suga in his third year. 

suga: he/they, gay, or rather, daichi-sexual. but i also read a fic about him and iwa getting together and it was pretty good ngl. 

asahi: he/him, transman, his parents are supportive and let him get on testosterone in his first year of high school. thats the reason he refuses to shave his facial hair off, bc it took him like two years to grow it. he's demisexual and panromantic 

tanaka: he/him, cis, bicurious. really into girls, but he and noya have made out at least once and you cant change my mind. 

noya: he/him, cis, bisexual. there was nothing straight about noya refusing to join the team unless asahi was there too and thats a fucking fact. 

 ennoshita: they/them, I SAW ONE FIC ABOUT THEM BEING NONBINARY AND I NEVER REALIZED HOW AMAZING THAT IS UNTIL NOW. asexual, aromantic. 

kinoshita: he/they, bisexual, he just has the v i b e 

narita: he/him, the token cis-het of the team. 

yachi: she/her, cis, bisexual. there was nothing straight about her reaction to kyoko holy shit ive never seen a more queer coded character 

kyoko: she/her, transwoman, lesbian. once the guys find out that shes a lesbian, they start to back off more (cough cough tanaka and noya) but those two will still send the flirty comment every once in awhile just because theyre dum dums and forget. it never really makes kyoko uncomfortable, mainly bc shes confident in her abilities to take them on in a fight and win. shes a badass, is what im sayin. 

takeda: he/him, cis, gay, he begs too much to not be a bottom, im sorry but someone had to say it. 

keishin ukai: he/him, cis, bisexual, he and takeda def were a thing for a bit no i will not take criticism.

anywyas yeah these are my headcanons. if you have a problem with them, please keep it to yourself :)

[afaimsarrowverse]

Arrowverse-Spin-Offs, we would like to see:

„Arrow“ and „Black Lightning“ are done, „Supergirl“ is in its last season and „The Flash“ and „Legends of Tomorrow“ will probably be over rather sooner than later. So it’s time to look at some potential Spin-Off-Ideas and the reasons why we won’t see any of those happening. But hey, I have been wrong before. The last time I did such a list, I wrote that Warner would never allow a „Superman“-Show to happen, because of them wanting him exclusive for the movies, even though at this point the Powers that Be were already working on getting „Superman & Lois“ on the way (because they have been working on that since around „Elseworlds), so maybe in two years one of those shows on this list will actually air at The CW:

Atoms: Since Ray has left „Legends“ I have been missing him, and since Crisis was the last we ever saw of Ryan Choi, yes, I still want „Atoms“, starring both Ray Palmer and Ryan Choi and their respectice wives, sciencing their way out of every problem and superheroing a little bit at the side. Yes, Fairy Godmother Nora would be a challenge to put into that concept, but if someone really wanted to find a way to integrate that storyline in the show, they could and if not, they could just do away with her powers off-screen. To bad Brandon Routh and Berlanti Productions did not part under the best terms and that the reason they got rid of him in the first place was that they couldn’t afford him any longer, so this one is not likely to ever happen. Also, I am not sure too many people are actually interested in a whole show about the Atom. Even if there a two of them.

Canaries: With „Green Arrow and the Canaries“ not picked up, they could return to this fan-favored concept: A solo show for Laurel and Dinah. Ditch the Future Crap or wrap it up in the Pilot, let them live in the present again and be a crime fighting double act. Or just set in the future, if you must, and let Dinah keep her club and just say good bye to the Queen-Kids. But since both actresses waited for a year to star in a show, that was not happening and said no to jobs because of that and the plotthreats of the „Green Arrow and the Canaries“ Backdoor-Pilot are still up in the air, it is very unlikely that we will get to see this one.

ThunderGrace: They should have aimed for that show instead of „Painkiller“, they might have had better chances to get picked up with it. Anyways, giving Anissa and her new wife Grace their own show, set in a different city of course, would go great with certain protions of the „Black Lightning“-Audience and might even attract new viewers. Having Jennifer and TC guest star regulary would also be great. Sadly this won’t happen of course, „Black Lightning“ already was very much Anissa’s story, giving her her own show would be like continuing „Black Lightning“ just without Jefferson, so it would basically be the same and therefore The CW would not go for it. Also, as long as „Batwoman“ is around, they would not do a second show with a lesbian Superhero Lead, who fights streetlevel, and since Season 2 also not one about a lesbian Superhero Lead, who is black on the top of that. So sadly, not happening.

Guardian and the Sentinel: „Supergirl“ is not getting a Spin-Off, but if we could choose, only Jessica Queller would go for the „Midvale“-One. Having Alex Danvers and Kelly Olsen als crime fighting partners in every sense on our screens would be great. Yes, the title might need some working on, but the concept would be great. They would probably operate outside of National City, there might even be a way to get the military angle in somehow. However as with „TunderGrace“, thanks to „Batwoman“ this one will never get made, because neither Alex nor Kelly have superpowers. Too bad.

Daughters of the Demon: I am very aware that I am the only one, who wants this Spin-Off. But I still want it. A show build around Thea Queen and the Al Ghul-Sisters (and Roy Harper of course) and their dealings with the League of Assassins in all forms and shapes. Katrina Law is of course not available right now, but the main reason we will never see a show around Thea, Nyssa, and Talia is that no one except me is really interested in it.

Dreamer (and Brainiac-5): This one has probably the best chance of ever happening from everything on this list, but given that it wasn‘t done anywhere outside this year’s Pride-Special, means that there probably are no actual plans for it. Anyways, a show about Dreamer with Brainy at her side, probably set in a new city rather than National City, would be great. Nia is still very new to the superhero-game, just finding her feet, and her romance with Brainy can go to many more places. But after the backlash in regards to „Batwoman“, The CW is probably hesitant to dare making a show about a transhero starring an actual transwoman. Nia might rather get moved to „Legends“ or „Superman & Lois“ or get to guest star on „The Flash“ next season than get her own show.

Next Gen: Mia Queen did not get her own show, when she was teamed up with the Canaries. However if you were to team her up with the Tonado-Twins and a Super-Spawn (not the Kent Twins though), she and Dig’s kids might just get another chance for their own show with William as their tech support. However the death of „Green Arrow and the Canaries“ makes that very unlikely, addionally we don’t know what will happen to Nora and Bart on „The Flash“ yet or where they will go with Kara or Clark for that matter in the future. And show set in the future would also cement that future, which would limit all the other shows somehow in storytelling terms, which might have been one of the reasons „Green Arrow and the Canaries“ was not picked up, so don’t hold you breath for that one.

Hall of Justice: Crisis established the League, but in a few months, only Sara, Barry and Clark will be left. But Nate is probably not the only one who applied for a seat. This one would of course have to take place between seasons or star everyone expect the heroes, who currently still have a show. I did name it „Hall of Justice“ on purpose, because there are many reasons, why this would never happen with the other name, but to be blunt, it would probably never happen under any name. However, this would be a good way to actually end the Arrowverse. To do a mini-series, where the League assembles after the last or most of the old shows are done. This could be one last Crossover with the potential of Follow Up- Features, if someone would ever want to make more of it.

An Anthology-Show:

 Originally „Legends of Tomorrow“ was supposed to be an Anthology-Show, and while the decision to make an acutal show instead was the right one back then, the Arrowverse has grown since then, and the idea to do an Anthology-Show to keep it alive is actually a No-Brainer. Instead of whole Seasons, it would be better to go for Two-Parters, Three-Parters, Four Parters and even One Offs though, in order to get more stuff done in the span of a season. The main reason this will not happen is money of course - without standing sets this one would be hard to pull off, but I think it is necessary at this point. And they could even do only two arcs per season or  only a hand full of episodes. This is where they could wrap up the open stortythreads from the failed Backdoor-Pilots – „Green Arrow and the Canaries“ and „Painkiller“ –and also where they could test out new Spin-Off Ideas, they could do my entire list here, plus more, like Slade and his sons, a story about the Hawk s, one about Kate Kane, or even Brandon Routh’s version of Superman etc. They could even go back and do in-between episodes about forgotten and dropped storylines, to which they never got around, like Roy’s death and resurrection or Rip’s founding of the Time Bureau. Additionally this is where they could do the Annual Crossover, they would not need to sacrifice episodes of the other shows, but instead air the Crossover as the Mid-Season Replacement in its own show, followed by some other storylines. But like I said, money is not on the side of this one.

 Bonus: Show that will air on HBOmax instead and therefore can’t happen for the Arrowverse:

John Diggle, Space Cop:

 This would be the Arrowverse Version of „Green Lantern“ and with a „Green Lantern“ Show heading to HBOmax it will of course never happen.

Hellblazer:

 Not too long ago this was my top-bet for a new Arrowverse-Spin-Off, given that Matt Ryan’s „Constantine“ left a lot of unresolved storylines behind, but now that a new version of „Constantine“ with a younger John Constantine as the Main Protagonist in it, is heading to HBOmax, Matt Ryan’s version of the character may even be scrapped from the Arrowverse for good in the soon future. Let’s hope there is room for both versions of the character, but a Spin-Off for the Arrowverse is very much not happening any more.

Booster Gold (and Blue Beetle):

 Wait, you might say, since when is Booster Gold getting his own series on HBOmax? Well, he was at least planned to get one. Alongside „Green Lantern“ another show was announced back then, remember?„Strange Adventures“  was supposed to feature Booster Gold. And while it has become kind of quite around this project, it was not officially scrapped. Given that it is very unlikely that we will ever get to see an Arrowverse-Version of Booster Gold instead, much less in his own show, and with „Blue Beetle“ getting his own show on HBOmax as well, Ted Kord will probably also never pop up in the Arrowverse, and Michael and Ted will never team up alonside the Legends. Too bad.

[vollesroah]

win-win

Hi uter-us Thanks for writing back. From your reply, I think I wrote my answer to you badly.

its like we are already anticipating some backwards over-run female only spaces! - I didn't know that and I hope the situation gets better asap. Can I ask which country that is and is that due to economic reasons or political pressure ?

i understand that female only spaces don't include other vulnerable groups, but that is not a reason to not have them. - Female only spaces are a must. They were also the first and I hope a model for others. - I wasn't thinking of a zero sum game, playing one vulnerable group off against another. More is win-win.

male people can and have made their own spaces for growth or comradery (etc) - Ermm. Not really. That is not a reason to flee in fear of their lives.

Here a a few examples involving men on the victim side rather than the perpetrator. - A couple of years ago I read about a woman who fled with her teenage son but was barred entry to a refuge because her child was male and that could have panicked some of the other women staying there. - Another incident was reported a few days ago on tumblr. A transwoman was accused of murdering her partner, a transman. The transman might also have been barred from a refuge for the same reason. - A homosexual man might need to flee from a violent partner.

There are probably more examples too, like people (both male and female) running away from religious sects. However as you wrote, feminists can't deal with all the problems in the world, they are not their problems and others have to work for solutions too.

Refuges need secrecy to survive and need to be selective who they take in, but if they have a few telephone numbers of other refuges handy, then that person might get the help they need elsewhere without - figuratively speaking - getting the door slammed in their face.

context: from here where TIMs said "no amab allowed" spaces are bigoted.

friendly reminder that if you've been sexually, physically, or in any way attacked by "an amab" you are completely in your right to become "super intense abt it." that shit's traumatizing

youre also JUSTIFIED in having and wanting spaces free of men.

sending love 💞

[ehliena]

FilAms referring to the Philippines as the acronym PI while they are calling homelanders for the use of Filipinx and Pinxy is peak irony. That is without adding these two facts: the letter F is a loaned letter in Tagalog from the oppressors (and its corresponding phoneme too) and that the demonym is an appellation to Felipe II of Spain. And for someone like me who reads and writes in Baybayin since age 15, to write a Baybayin X seems like a dark humor scene in a Taika Waititi comedy. (Yes, I do Baybayin shiz for fun, but not as serious as Kristian Kabuay and NordenX.)

I first encountered PI among FilAms during Christmas vacation 2002 in LA; and Pilipinx when I joined the theatrical production of a FilAm musical at CalState East Bay in 2016. I understand that it is their culture and I respect it, and I assimilate. I easily assimilate with what I call my Nickelodeon voice, which I have acquired from when jailbroken cable services became a thing in Mega Manila and through my theatre background. But when in Rome, we live the Roman way, so as the Santa Mesa-born foreigner, I have to hide that dark laughter every single time someone uses PI.

But of course, 2020 had to make us see PI-using FilAms pressuring homelander to use Filipinx, citing political correctness and gender neutrality (while white American Pemberton, the killer of Filipino transwoman Jennifer Laude, was given an absolute pardon by Duterte).

So, let us start my TEDtalk.

P.I. is a colloquial acronym for Putanginamo (the equivalent of Fuck You) used by conservative Filipinos who probably are only retelling a story.

Tsismosa 1: “Minura ni Aling Biring si Ka Boying.” (Aling Biring cursed Ka Boying)

Tsismosa 2: “Oh? Ano ika?” (Really? What did she say?)

Tsismosa 1: “Malutong at umaatikabong PI.” (A hard and surging PI.)

Then I imagine PI as the curse when FilAms say some sentences:

“Are you flying back to Putangina?”

“I miss Putangina. We went to Boracay.”

“Duterte is President of Putangina.”

But it’s fine with me. I understand they mean well and I know that Americans, as first world as they are, have poor grasp of history. It’s a little sad though that FilAms have not always been reminded of this special footnote in the history of the United States:

P.I. stands for Philippine Islands. That’s the colonial name of the Philippines as a commonwealth republic under the United States, which the republic stopped using when the 1935 Constitution was enacted in 1946. Yes, in case people are forgetting, the Philippines has long been a state with full sovereignty recognized by the United Nations (of which we are a founding member of and wherein Carlos Romulo served as President) and recognized by Shaider Pulis Pangkalawakan.

Also, RP is used to refer to the Republic of the Philippines before the use of the standard two-letter country code PH.

I’m not saying FilAms should stop using PI to refer to the Philippines but I’m saying that the roots of that practice is from American oppression that homelanders have already cancelledttt.

Our oldest bank in the Philippines is BPI. It stands for Bank of the Philippine Islands, originally named El Banco Español Filipino de Isabel II because it was founded during Queen Isabella II’s reign. It was a public bank by then; perhaps comparable to the Federal Reserve. Upon its privatization during the American occupation, the bank started using BPI for the sake of branding because it was the Americans who christened us with P.I. (I have a theory that Manila was a character in Money Heist because the Royal Mint of Spain used to have a branch in the Philippines and operated very closely with BPI. And my other supernatural theory is that our translation of peso which is ‘piso’ affects our economy. ‘Piso’ means ‘floor’ or ‘flat’ in Spanish.)

Now, going back. To me, P.I. is more appropriate an acronym for the ethnic group of Pacific Islanders. I don't think I need to explain further why. These would be the natives of Hawai’i, Guam, Tuvalu, Kiribati, and other islands in the Oceania continent, and maybe even New Zealand. If a curious FilAm raises a question of whether Filipinos are Pacific Islanders or Asians or Hispanics, the answer is long but easy to understand.

The Filipinos live in a group of islands within the Pacific Plate. The Philippines is an Asian country, following conventions of geopolitical continental borders from the other. We are Hispanics by virtue of being under Spain for three fucking centuries. And Teresita Marquez is Reina Hispanoamericana because why not? (We could’ve been a part of America still if not for the efforts of Quezon.) So, the quick answer is that the Filipino is all of it.

Yes, the Filipinos have an affinity with the Pacific through nature and geography. Think of the earthquakes, volcanoes, flora and fauna, and the coconuts. And they even look like us. The earlier inhabitants of the archipelago were Pacific Islanders who were introduced to Hinduism and Buddhism as being closer to the cradles of civilization India and China. Then, the Islamic faith has grown along with the rise of the kingdoms and polities in Southeast Asia. The Spaniards arrived in the archipelago, to an already civilized Islamic polity - too civilized that they understood how diplomacy is necessary in war. We knew that it resulted to the defeat and death of Magellan who was fighting for Rajah ‘Don Carlos’ Humabon. Then came the 333 years of being under Spain AND (sic) the Catholic Church which made us more Hispanic. Our Austronesian/Malayo-Polynesian languages (Tagalog, Bisaya, Kapampangan, Ilocano, Bikol, Waray, Cuyonon, etc.) have kept our Asian identity intact - unlike Latin American countries where the official language of each is one of the Romance languages; thus "Latin".

(It is only towards the end of that 333-year Spanish rule that the 'Filipino' emerged to be something the oppressed could claim, and for that we thank the poet in Jose Rizal. I see a parallel in how Christians claimed the cross, the former symbol of criminals in Jewish tradition, to become the symbol of God’s love and salvation through Jesus. Wow. That’s so UST of me. Lol.)

You add into the mix that our diaspora is so large and identifiable, the data gatherers decided to mark the tables with “Filipino” - too Asian to be Hispanic and Pacific, too Pacific to be Hispanic and Asian, and too Hispanic to be Asian and Pacific.

What many FilAms do not realize everyday is that unlike the words Blacks, Latinx, Asians, or Pacific Islanders, or Hispanics, the word Filipino is not just a word denoting an ethnic group. At its highest technical form, the word Filipino is a word for the citizenship of a sovereign nation, enshrined in the constitution of a free people whose history hinges on the first constitutional republic in Asia.

By state, we mean a sovereign nation and not a federal state. (Well, even with Chinese intervention, at the very least we try.)

By state, we mean we are a people with a national territory, a government, and a legal system inspired by the traditions of our ancestors and oppressors. It may be ugly, but it is ours, and we have the power to change it.

This one may be as confusing as Greek-Grecian-Greco-Hellenic-Hellene, but let’s examine the word 'Filipino' further when placed side by side with related words.

*Pilipinas is the country; official name: Republika ng Pilipinas. It is translated into English as “Philippines”; official name: Republic of the Philippines. Spanish translates it into “Filipinas”, the Germans “Philippinen”, the French “Les Philippines”, the Italians “Filippine”.

*Pilipino refers to the people. It is translated into English as Filipino. The plural forms are ‘mga Pilipino’ and ‘Filipinos’.

*Philippine is an English adjective relating to the Philippines, commonly used for official functions. It may be used as an alternative to the other western adjective ‘Filipino’ but the interchangeability is very, very nuanced. Filipino people not Philippine people. Filipino government and Philippine government. Philippine Embassy, Filipino embassy, not Filipino Embassy. Tricky, eh?

*Filipino also refers to the official language of the state (which is basically Tagalog).

*Filipiniana refers to Philippine-related books and non-book materials (cultural items, games, fashion, etc.) which could be produced by Filipinos or non-Filipinos, inside or outside the Philippines.

*Pinoy is a colloquial gender-neutral demonym; comparable to how New Zealanders use the word Kiwi.

The demonym Filipino has evolved from that of referring only to Spaniards in the Philippines into becoming the term for the native people who choose to embrace the identity of a national.

It started from when Jose Rizal wrote his poem “A la juventud filipina” and he emerged as an inspiration to the Philippine Revolution through Andres Bonifacio’s leadership. (But take note of ‘filipina’ because ‘juventud’ is a feminine word in Spanish.)

Today, no less than the 1987 Philippine Constitution, which was neither written by Hamilton nor a group of straight white men but by people of different faiths, genders, disabilities, and skin colors, in its first five words in both Filipino and English versions read: "Kami, ang nakapangyayaring sambayanang Pilipino", translated as "We, the sovereign Filipino people” validates the legitimacy of the word as gender-neutral, alive, aware and awake with our history of struggles.

Article 14 Section 7 of the current Constitution says Filipino is the national language. And while I agree that it is not really a real language but an alias for Tagalog, it is a conscientious codification of a social norm during the time of Manuel Quezon as he is aiming for the world to recognize the unified Filipinos as a sovereign people. People. Not men. Not heterosexual men. People.

It is a non-issue for the homeland Filipino that the word Filipino refers to the people and the language. But FilAms are concerned of political correctness due to an understandable cultural insecurity also felt by other non-whites in the US. And there is added confusion when FilAms pattern the word Filipino after the patriarchal Spanish language, without learning that the core of the grammars of Philippine languages are gender-neutral. The Tagalog pronoun "siya" has no gender. "Aba Ginoong Maria" is proof that the Tagalog word 'ginoo' originally has no gender. Our language is so high-context that we have a fundamental preposition: “sa”.

It is difficult to be a person of color in the United States especially in these times of the white supremacy’s galling resurgence. Well, it’s not like they have been gone, but this time, with Trump, especially, it’s like the movement took steroids and was given an advertising budget. But for FilAms to force Filipinx into the Philippines, among homeland Filipinos, is a rather uneducated move, insensitive of the legacies of our national heroes and magnificent leaders.

The FilAm culture and the Filipino homeland culture are super different, nuanced. It’s a different dynamic for a Latinx who speak Spanish or Portuguese or whatever their native language is - it reminds entitled white English-speaking America of their place in the continent. It should remind a racist white man whose roots hail from Denmark that his house in Los Angeles stands on what used to be the Mexican Empire.

Let’s use a specific cultural experience by a Black person for example: the black person not only has Smith or Johnson for their last name, but there is no single easy way for them to retrieve their family tree denoting which African country they were from, unless the Slave Trade has data as meticulous as the SALN forms. Let’s use a specific cultural experience by a Mexican-American with Native American heritage: the person is discriminated by a white US Border Patrol officer in the border of Texas. Texas used to be part of Mexico. Filipinos have a traceable lineage and a homeland.

Filipinos and FilAms may be enjoying the same food recipes, dancing the same cultural dance for purposes of presentations every once in a while, but the living conditions, the geography, the languages, social experiences, the human conditions are different, making the psychology, the politics, the social implications more disparate than Latinxs like Mexicans and Mexican Americans.

I don’t know if it is too much advertising from state instruments or from whatever but FilAms don’t realize how insensitive they have become in trying to shove a cultural tone down the throats of the citizens of the republic or of those who have closer affinity to it. And some Filipino homelanders who are very used to accommodating new global social trends without much sifting fall into the trap of misplaced passions.

To each his own, I guess. But FilAms should read Jose Rizal’s two novels, Carlos Romulo’s “I am a Filipino”, materials by Miriam Defensor Santiago (not just the humor books), speeches of Claro Recto, books by historians Gregorio Zaide, Teodoro Agoncillo, Renato Constantino, Nick Joaquin, Regalado Trota Jose, Fidel Villaroel, Zeus Salazar, Xiao Chua, and Ambeth Ocampo, and really immerse themselves in the struggle of the Filipino for an unidentifiable identity which the FilAms confuse for the FilAm culture. That’s a little weird because unlike Blacks and the Latinx movement, the Philippines is a real sovereign state which FilAms could hinge their history from.

I have to be honest. The homelanders don’t really care much about FilAm civil rights heroes Philip Vera Cruz and Larry Itliong, or even Alice Peña Bulos, because it was a different fight. But the media can play a role sharing it, shaping consensus and inadvertently setting standards. (But it’s slightly different for Peña Bulos, as people are realizing she was already a somebody in the Philippines before becoming a who’s who in the US, which is somehow similar to the case of Lea Salonga who was not only from the illustrious Salonga clan, but was also already a child star.) How much do Filipino millennials know about Marcoses, Aquinos? Maybe too serious? Lol. Then, let’s try using my favorite examples as a couch potato of newer cultural materials accessible to FilAms - cultural materials on television and internet.

FilAms who only watched TFC wondered who Regine Velasquez was when ABSCBN welcomed her like a beauty queen. Those with the GMA Pinoy TV have a little idea. But they did not initially get why the most successful Filipino artist in the US, Lea Salonga, does not get that level of adulation at home that Velasquez enjoys. Was it just Regine’s voice? No. Well, kinda, maybe, because there is no question that she is a damn good singer with God knows how many octaves, but it is the culture she represents as a probinsyana who made it that far and chose to go back home and stay - and that’s already a cultural nuance Filipinos understand and resonate with, without having to verbalize because the Philippines is a high-context culture in general, versus the US which is low-context culture in general. I mean, how many Filipinos know the difference of West End and Broadway, and a Tony and an Olivier? What does a Famas or a Palanca mean to a FilAm, to a Filipino scholar, and to an ordinary Filipino? Parallel those ideas with "Bulacan", "Asia", "Birit", "Songbird".

You think Coach Apl.de.Ap is that big in the Philippines? He was there for the global branding of the franchise because he is an American figure but really, Francis Magalona (+) and Gloc9 hold more influence. And speaking of influence, do FilAms know Macoy Dubs, Lloyd Cadena (+) and the cultures they represent? Do FilAms know Aling Marie and how a sari-sari store operates within a community? Do FilAms see the symbolic functions of a makeshift basketball (half)courts where fights happen regularly? How much premium do FilAms put on queer icons Boy Abunda, Vice Ganda? Do FilAms realize that Kris Aquino's role in Crazy Rich Asians was not just to have a Filipino in the cast (given that Nico Santos is already there) but was also Kris Aquino's version of a PR stunt to showcase that Filipinos are of equal footing with Asian counterparts if only in the game of 'pabonggahan'? Will the FilAms get it if someone says ‘kamukha ni Arn-arn’? Do FilAms see the humor in a Jaclyn Jose impersonation? Do FilAms even give premiums to the gems Ricky Lee, Peque Gallaga, Joel Lamangan, Joyce Bernal, Cathy Garcia Molina, and Jose Javier Reyes wrote and directed? (And these are not even National Artists.) How about AlDub or the experience of cringing to edgy and sometimes downright disgusting remarks of Joey De Leon while also admiring his creative genius? Do FilAms understand the process of how Vic Sotto became ‘Bossing’ and how Michael V could transform into Armi Millare? Do FilAms get that Sexbomb doesn’t remind people of Tom Jones but of Rochelle? Do FilAms get that dark humor when Jay Sonza’s name is placed beside Mel Tiangco’s? What do FilAms associate with the names ‘Tulfo’, ‘Isko’, ‘Erap’, ‘Charo’, ‘Matet’, ‘Janice’, ‘Miriam’, ‘Aga’, ‘Imelda’ and ‘Papin’? Do FilAms get that majority of Filipinos cannot jive into Rex Navarette’s and Jo Koy’s humor but find the comic antics of JoWaPao, Eugene Domingo, Mr Fu, Ryan Rems, and Donna Cariaga very easy to click with? Do FilAms know Jimmy Alapag, Jayjay Helterbrand, Josh Urbiztondo? Oh wait, these guys are FilAms. Lol. Both cultures find bridge in NBA, but have these FilAms been to a UAAP, NCAA, or a PBA basketball game where the longstanding rival groups face each other? Do FilAms know the legacy of Ely Buendia and the Eraserheads? Do FilAms know about Brenan Espartinez wearing this green costume on Sineskwela? Do FilAms know how Kiko Matsing, Ate Sienna, Kuya Bodjie helped shape a generation of a neoliberal workforce?

That list goes on and on, when it comes to this type of Filipiniana materials on pop culture, and I am sure as Shirley Puruntong that while the homeland Filipino culture is not as widespread, it has depth in its humble and high-context character.

Now, look at the practical traffic experiences of the homelanders. People riding the jeepneys, the tricycles, the MRT/LRT, the buses, and the kolorum - the daily Via Crucis of Mega Manila only Filipinos understand the gravity of, even without yet considering the germs passed as the payments pass through five million other passengers before reaching the front. Add the probinsyas, people from periphery islands who cross the sea to get good internet connections or do a checkup in the closest first-class town or component city. Do FilAms realize that the largest indoor arena in the world is built and owned by Iglesia ni Cristo, a homegrown Christian church with a headquarters that could equal the Disney castle?

Do FilAms know the experience as a tourist's experience or as an experience a homelander want to get away from or at least improved?

Do FilAms understand how much an SM, a Puregold, or a Jollibee, Greenwich, Chowking branch superbly change a town and its psychology and how it affects the Pamilihang Bayan? Do FilAms realize that while they find amusement over the use of tabo, the homelanders are not amused with something so routinary? Do FilAms realize how Filipinos shriek at the thought that regular US households do not wash their butts with soap and water after defecating?

Do FilAms understand the whole concept of "ayuda" or SAP Form in the context of pandemic and politics? The US has food banks, EDDs, and stubs - but the ayuda is nowhere near the first world entitlements Filipinos in the homeland could consider luxury. But, that in itself is part of the cultural nuance.

Do FilAms know that Oxford recognizes Philippine English as a diction of the English language? While we’ve slowly grown out of the fondness for pridyider and kolgeyt, do FilAms know how xerox is still used in the local parlance? Do FilAms know how excruciating it is to read Panitikan school books Ibong Adarna, Florante at Laura under the curriculum, and how light it is to read Bob Ong? Do FilAms realize that Jessica Zafra, with all her genius, is not the ordinary homelander’s cup-of-tea?

Do FilAms know that Filipinos do not sound as bad in English as stereotypes made them believe? Do FilAms really think that Philippines will be a call center capital if our accents sound like the idiolects of Rodrigo Duterte’s or Ninoy Aquino’s Philippine English accent? Do FilAms realize how Ninoy and Cory speak English with different accents? Lea Salonga's accent is a thespian's accent so she could do a long range like that of Meryl Streep if she wants to so she wouldn't be a good example. Pacquiao's accent shows the idiolect unique to his region in southern Philippines. But for purposes of showing an ethnolinguistic detail, I am using President Cory Aquino’s accent when she delivered her historic speech in the US Congress as a more current model of the Philippine English accent.

Do FilAms bother themselves with the monsoons, the humidity, and the viscosity of sweat the same way they get bothered with snowstorms, and heat waves measured in Fahrenheit?

Do FilAms know that not only heterosexual men are accepted in the Katipunan? Do FilAms even know what the Katipunan is? Do FilAms realize that the Philippines had two female presidents and a transwoman lawmaker? Do FilAms take “mamatay nang dahil sa’yo” the same way Filipinos do? Do FilAms know the ground and the grassroots? Do FilAms know the Filipino culture of the homeland?

These are cultural nuances FilAms will never understand without exposure of Philippine society reflected from barrio to lalawigan, from Tondo to Forbes Park. It goes the same way with Filipinos not understanding the cultural weight of Robert Lopez and the EGOT, or Seafood City, or Lucky Chances Casino, or what Jollibee symbolizes in New York, unless they are exposed.

The thing though is that while it is harder for FilAms to immerse to the homeland culture, it is easier for homeland culture to immerse into the FilAm’s because America’s excess extends to the propagation of its own subcultures, of which the FilAm’s is one.

We’re the same yet we’re different. But it should not be an issue if we are serious with embracing diversity. There should not be an issue with difference when we could find a common ground in a sense of history and shared destiny. But it is the burden of the Filipinos with and in power to understand the situation of those who have not.

Nuances. Nuances. Nuances.

And while I believe that changing a vowel into X to promote gender-neutrality has a noble intention, there is no need to fix things that are not broken. Do not be like politicians whose acts of service is to destroy streets and roads and then call for its renovation instead of fixing broken bridges or creating roads where there are none.

The word ‘Filipino’ is not broken. Since Rizal’s use of the term to refer to his Malayan folks, the formal process of repair started. And it is not merely codified, but validated by our prevailing Constitution, which I don’t think a FilAm would care to read, and I cannot blame them. What's in it for a regular FilAm? They wouldn’t read the US Constitution and the Federalist Papers; what more the 1987 Saligang Batas?

The bottomline of my thoughts on this particular X issue is that FilAms cannot impose a standard for Filipinos without going through a deeper, well-thought-out, more arduous process, most especially when the card of gender neutrality and political correctness are raised with no prior and deeper understanding of what it is to be a commoner in the homeland, of what it is to be an ordinary citizen in a barangay, from Bayan ng Itbayat, Lalawigan ng Batanes to Bayan ng Sitangkai, Lalawigan ng Sulu. It is very dangerous because FilAms yield more influence and power through their better access to resources, and yet these do not equate to cultural awareness.

Before Rizal’s political philosophy of Filipino, the ‘Filipino’ refers to a full-blooded Spaniard born in the Philippines, and since Spain follows jus sanguinis principle of citizenship, back then, ‘Filipino’ is as Spaniard as a ‘Madrileño’ (people in Madrid). The case in point is Marcelo Azcárraga Palmero - the Filipino Prime Minister of Spain.

But the word ‘Filipino’ was claimed by Rizal and the ilustrados to refer to whom the Spaniards call ‘indio’. The term was then applied retroactively to those who helped in the struggle. It was only later that Lapu-Lapu, Francisco Dagohoy, Gabriela and Diego Silang, Sultan Kudarat, Lorenzo Ruiz, and GOMBURZA were called Filipinos.

The word 'Filipino' was long fixed by the tears and sweat of martyrs through years of bloody history in the hands of traitors within and oppressors not just of the white race. The word Filipino is now used by men, women, and those who do not choose to be referred to as such who still bears a passport or any state document from the Republic of the Philippines. Whether a homelader is a Kapuso, Kapamilya, Kapatid, DDS, Dilawan, Noranian, Vilmanian, Sharonian, Team Magnolia, Barangay Ginebra, Catholic, Muslim, Aglipayan, Iglesia, Victory, Mormon, IP, OP, SJ, RVM, SVD, OSB, OSA, LGBTQQIP2SAA, etc., the word 'Filipino' is a constant variable in the formula of national consciousness.

Merriam-Webster defines Filipina as a Filipino girl or woman. Still a Filipino. Remember, dictionaries do not dictate rules. Dictionaries provide us with the meaning. To me, the word Filipina solidified as a subtle emphasis to the Philippines as a matriarchal country faking a macho look. But that’s not saying the word Filipino in the language is macho with six-pack.

The word Filipino is not resting its official status on the letter O but in its quiddity as a word and as an idea of a sovereign nation. The words Pilipino, Filipino, and Pinoy are not broken. What is broken is the notion that a Filipino subculture dictates the standard for political correctness without reaching the depth of our own history.

If the Filipinx-Pinxy-Pilipinx movement truly suits the Filipino-American struggle, my heart goes out for it. But my republic, the Philippines, home of the Filipino people, cradle of noble heroes, has no need for it (not just yet, maybe) - not because we don't want change, but because it will turn an already resolved theme utterly problematic. The Filipinos have no need for it, not because we cannot afford to consider political correctness when people are hungry, abused, and robbed off taxes. We could afford to legalize a formal way of Filipino greeting for purposes of national identity. But as far as the Filipinx, it should not be the homeland’s priority.

We may be poor, but we have culture.

From Julius Payàwal Fernandez's post

[rabidauthor]

Love Mythos: Sanctuary Island, a gay AF game made by gay AF devs

What is Love Mythos: Sanctuary Island and why should you check out its free demo or it’s Kickstarter? Let me (the writer of the game) take you on the tour of my bouncing baby brainchild that is yet another monster dating game.

Love Mythos is a visual novel and puzzle game about dating eight mythological creatures on a magic island. Centaurs? Check. Harpies? Check. Possible Polyamorous cross-species triad? Check. You want it, we probably got it.

But besides having eight yummy and slightly damaged love interests for you, the heart of Love Mythos is its reflection of the real world we live in. Sure, perhaps it’s a little strange to explore that with mythical hybrids, but art is funny like that.

The characters in LM are diverse because the world around us is diverse. Their skin color, body types, personalities, and style are meant to reflect all the beautiful combinations that people can come in. And their struggles are just as varied. While one might be wondering if it’s ever possible to have a destiny after losing everything they had been training for, another might be suffering from PTSD due to captivity. Even the player character must overcome their feelings of otherness and fear after their world is turned upside down. We at Squid Sins Squad believe that EVERYONE should be able to see themselves lovingly reflected in the media they consume. Although there are so many more beautiful and worthy variants of souls we couldn’t fit in, these are our current love interests!

And, if we hit our stretch goals on our Kickstarter you might also get to meet: A Polynesian cyclops who also happens to be a proud transwoman 

A sentient and very charming gorilla

Or a slime girl from Russia who may or may not be radioactive! 

The game itself plays as a visual novel with branching dialogue, branching paths and (currently) nineteen different endings. 

There’s also a minigame to play and progress yourself along with the story. Our goal is to have a decent length experience with high replay value that makes you cry at least once. Hopefully twice, because writers are evil. 

Oh...

and did we mention the pr0n?

After playing a whole lot of ero or ecchi games with not a lot of substance, I was inspired to write erotica that was actually good! Stuff where everyone gets enjoyment out of it and realistically so, rather than everything being viewed from a decidedly male and heterosexual lense. Currently, all of our sex scenes ware written to work with whatever plumbing, gender or pronoun set the Player Character is using, but one of our stretch goals does include anatomy specific sex scenes. 

The Squid Sins Squad is pretty sex-positive and just wants people to get their jollies in all the wonderful ways that are (consensually) possible~~~ So get in, play around, and maybe get in *wink*

But for those of you who doing the down and dirty isn’t your bag, that’s alright too! All adult content can be turned off and there are endings for being friends with everyone! Ace and Aro folks are more than welcome at our table!

So that is, by the long and short of it, why you should give Love Mythos: Sanctuary Island a good, hard look.  Our FREE demo is here And our Kickstarter is here!  We’re 54% of the way there, but we still need your support to make it the rest of the way! 

See you on the other side~

- the Squid Sins Squad

[madi2112]

Covid golf camp (day 104)

Probably the last live round of golf for a while as the Covid golf camp wraps up its final days.

Ventura Golf Club was the least expensive place that was close enough for me to play.

It was hot and humid today (hot and humid? In Florida? In June? Really?) But I braved it anyway.

Today I just concentrated on my round. No in depth stats or charts just worried about the score.

Worked out ok. Was 12 over, so a few shots below my handicap. Once again inconsistency was the only I did consistently.

Played 8 holes at 1 under. The other 10 at 13 over. Got to get some professional help with my approach shots. My G.I.R. % is horrible. Easily the biggest problem with my game.

Made par on this hole!

While there is no breaking news about my house, I am returning to work in just 2 days.

Nothing can happen until that is in place.

Then things should progress quickly from there.

Thank goodness!

I really do not enjoy living here at Vicky's any longer.

And it breaks my heart to say that. 💔

After over four years together it feels like the end. A very similar situation to how it ended with my wife-ish.

Which makes it all the more painful to experience again.

Little to no conversation, feeling like we are 100 miles away when in the same room. Arguments and hurt feelings. Tears.

We are just two vastly different people. We have few things, if any, in common and the connection we once shared has been eroded down to nothing.

I loved her, no doubt about that. She was kind, accepting, at times fun and so very supportive of me through some of the darkest times of my life.

She was there when I was diagnosed, was treated and recovered from Cancer. She was by my bedside every day for as long as she could while I lay in a Coma.

She adopted my new pronouns and name from the first day I told her. She was there at the court hearings for my name change as well as the DMV when I got my new license. She has been the only one who knew me then to accept me now.

So what happened??? How did it all breakdown so bad???

I hate to say this because I did love her. Just not enough. Not like I do my wife. I could never give her 100% of me.

Which (justifiably) was maddening to her. So the fault is with me.

All the things we fought through. But those fights took away from the fact we were not really compatible. So once those fights were over the truth of that fact was exposed.

Living together for the last 16 months has shined a spotlight on that problem and amplified our differences.

I had hope living together would bring us closer. It only magnified our difficulties.

A month or so from now I will be moving out into my own place. I hope with all my might it's the house I've been looking at. Even if it isn't and I have to begrudgingly settle for an inferior apartment I will be moving on. Maybe Vicky and I can revisit things then. See if there is hope for us.

Should that not be the case, I need to be on my own.

I need to do this.

I need to prepare for the all to real and most likely outcome that I will live the rest of my life alone.

Being a transwoman makes any type of a real relationship virtually non existent.

Being a translesbian takes the infinitesimal odds of finding someone and reduces that even further.

It sounds harsh but its true.

And something I now get to face.

At least I will have my own place to live. No one to tell me to leave, no one there to hate my very presence.

I will throw myself into my work, (hopefully) redecorating my house, do some traveling, make some music with a friend from California, and play lots of golf. Maybe even join a ladies golf league.

And be alone.

~Madison HRT1237

Even a linin closet in the guest bathroom!