#its a dad bod but hes a dad and im here for it

[wispwatched]

anyway this is the dilf he's so tired.

[rookiesbookies]

Please I need more strength kink like you wrote for König but for the text of the COD men. Does Soap show off and lift heavier when he sees you saunter into the gym? Does Ghost try not to pay attention as you stare? I am down bad for these boys

So this is the most recent ask Ive gotten but dont fret my other requesters, yalls are taking more time bc they’re longer form pieces (I dont want to spoil but honeymoon/consummation night with Ghost (doing some research for this one), some Konig wifey bits (there’s two or three), and Ghost’s wife wearing his mask) Im so excited you all are interacting with me I just wanna say. I love you all *MUAH* big kiss.

Also I took Keegan off this one bc I don’t think I have a lot of Keegan fans reading? (ik I love him tho) so if anyone wants it just put a comment and I’ll write one and edit it so its in here.

Edit right here: I put Keegan down at the bottom. Dw Keegan girlies he’s here now.

Another edit: I put Krueger bc a reblog asked for it

Without much more here’s:

Strength Kink with the 141

Masterlist is pinned as always, also let me know if yall want any as full blown fics.

Price

Price is an “old dog” as he calls himself. He knows he’s getting softer, the wrinkles are setting in, he doesn't quite have the body he used to as a LT. Kinda got a dad bod after adopting 3 boys.

First time he sees you drool over him? He is down fucking bad. Will do anything to see his sweet lady all red in the face over him again.

Fucking saunters over to you, hits you with “you can feel if ya like, love. Go on.” just holds his arms away from his chest while he’s in his tank top.

If you take him up on this offer (and I assume yall are dating at this point) and even just grab at a peck, he is tense. His abs are tight, his butt is clenched, he is doing it all to seem like he still has his young and sharp LT body.

He knows you dont care and love his dad bod and all his soft pillowy goodness but sometimes he feels like the pillsbury dough boy.

Absolutely would pick you up and carry you bridal style at any chance.

Tells you he’s “just practicing” however he is very clearly showing off.

If you come find him at the gym to drool all over him, that max he was only supposed to do one of per set, he is not repping.

“John, are you sure- I’ve never seen you lift this much you look red-”

“I'm alright, love, just doing my reps trying to set a new pr.” Little do you know that by repping this, this is his new pr.

Gaz and Soap are sitting there mouth open because Price has never done that and not fallen over and now he just KEEPS. GOING.

And Price’s wife just keeps drooling over him as Simon spots the poor guy.

(This is what i mean btw)

Soap

The worst about it of them all.

I'm telling you right now, if you have an oral fixation on his muscles, he will mate for life like a swan. Because if you mark up his muscles he will do EVERY SINGLE WORK OUT shirtless until Ghost is like “Johnny. You look like a slut and smell like a whore with all that cologne. We’re in the bloody gym.”

He will walk around shirtless in the tightest sweatpants to show off his thighs and abs to you.

Will bench press you.

Put your weight on the hip thrust and will call you over or send videos of him doing it.

If you’re sitting somewhere he will just pick you up and move you for the hell of it under the excuse he wanted to sit there just to see you get red.

If you compliment his body once, I'M TELLING YOU ONE TIME, he will buy the TIGHTEST shirts imaginable around the house to show off his shoulders, back, pecs, biceps, and abs.

If you even mention having a bad day, your face is going between his pecs. He also absolutely can do the thing where he can flex them one at a time and he does it 24/7 for fun.

Catch him planking at the gym?

Feeling bold?Let’s shimmy under the poor bastard to look up at him.

“Do push ups.”

“Bonnie, the fuck you mean-”

“Come down, get a kiss, and go back up?”

“And if I fall? Which I won’t but I gotta ask.”

“Can’t feel any worse than when you dive onto the bed to wake me up in the mornings.”

He’s floored. Goes down, gets his kiss, comes up.

Price has watched Soap do more pushups than he ever has outside of a punishment when he was in basic training. Johnny has half the mind to let himself drop, smoother you in sweaty hugs and kisses. But he doesn’t. Not until he’s shown off. It’s embarrassing how much sweat is dripping from him though. He’ll just say you both need a shower.

Ghost

Totally doesn't flex when he hugs you.

Oh you think he does?

If you ask him, you’re wrong. Simon is the most casual of them all.

He’ll just randomly pick you up.

Like throw you over his shoulder, hold you like a koala, bridal style, you name it. Unlike Price, who is more careful about it, Simon has been doing exercises to work on his balance so he can safely carry you down a flight on stairs.

If he catches you staring, its over for him. He’s blushing under his lil mask, acting like he doesnt see you.

If you walk up and open your mouth to talk to him, he’s not listening to a word of that blabbery. He’s focused on the way you watch his legs while he’s in the leg press. How if he flexes a bit more you have the pause so you don’t choke on your words.

If you’re the bold on and you get down to the level of his head because he can’t easily escape this machine right now to say something. I'm thinking like a “Simon, I’m going to need a thigh riding session at 1800 hours. Put that on your damn schedule.” And just walk out. Don’t elaborate.

He’s struggling to get out of the machine, considering chasing after you, possibly having a stroke over it. He’s so flustered he’s down right gasping for air. If he didn’t have shit to do today he’d scoop you up and show you want all these muscles could do just to get you to feel like how flustered he is.

Konig

(see the fic about his wife seeing him lift, its on my masterlist (its pinned))

Gaz

By the time you’ve started dating, you know Gaz is jacked. Just look at him ffs. Anyone could see it.

So you do the only reasonable thing and insist on being his gym partner.

And in turn he will insist on spotting your squats.

If you get so nervous you fail a set his plan springs into action. Bro has it lifted in one hand. He doesn't care if it's a lot. He WILL be lifting it in one hand just so you can see how strong he is.

“Kiss for your savor?” He asks.

“Sure.” You reply, pecking his lips.

But no no no.

“Love, I meant you’re actual savor.” He’d say, flexing that one arm and pointing to it.

Just roll your eyes and do it. It’s easier.

He is GLOWING for the rest of the day. He will now take any and all opportunities to lift heavy things for you.

That big box? Lifted. Come kiss his muscles. Cuz if you don’t he's picking you up and putting you in air jail for being ungrateful.

I feel like because Gaz is so lean its kinda a sleeper build situation? Could be completely using that term wrong but IDC.

Lowkey loves nothing more than you feeling up his abs under his shirt when yall are going to bed. Like your hands feel so nice on them when he’s flexing extra hard so they’re rock solid for you.

First time yall cuddled he almost passed out because he was trying to keep his muscles flexed for so long.

Edit: here’s Keegan

Keegan

Keegan was always walking around the house in the sluttiest tank tops and the lowest waist line sweatpants you’ve ever seen.

He had been showing off since he first met you, so I’ll tell you how it happened.

What did he wear on your first date? Tight ass t shirt and a leather jacket with black jeans.

He essentially was giving a strip show when he slowly took off that jacket, made sure you were watching when he did it with a smug look.

“What wrong, doll? Distracted?” He was definitely flexing hard. Pecs and biceps on full display and don't get me started on how he was clenching to get his abs to show through.

He made sure to get real close to.

Oh dear is that a dirty puddle, let him just… yk… casually pick you up to carry you over the smallest puddle ever.

And when he’s at the gym? You are getting tons of selfies. Those videos of him curling weights that are slightly too heavy all because he knows you like the sound of the groans he makes as he struggles to lift it. Oh he is hip thrusting your weight and a half, so you know you’ll never be too heavy. There’s a video he sent that was 10+ minutes of just him thrusting your weight. You honestly thought it was looped.

Oh and he carries your weight when he runs on the treadmill so he knows he and run and keep you safe if need be.

Here’s Krueger (i got carried away, enjoy)

Krueger:

Sebstian knows he’s already strong.

Picking you up and benching you is his favorite hobby. The way you can't help but giggle and he has to scold you to stop wiggling.

He’s always throw around his weight with you. He knows he’s a big. He loves to lay on you to stop you from moving.

Loves to have you lay on his torso with the weight at his hips as he works on his hip thrusts. Got kicked out of a gym because it was dangerous so he got weights to do it at home. Will do it shirtless so you can trace his tattoos.

Definitely has never told you he committed murder because he doesn’t want you to stop looking at him like he’s your savior as you rub his sore muscles.

God he loves having you rub his muscles, he just tries not to drool as you rub his calves and biceps with all the force your hands can muster to gently rub the knots away. One time he felt so good he almost cried as you rubbed one out of the back of his neck, he got so bricked he couldnt help it he felt like he was gasping for air the pleasure was so intense.

He’d never tell you that tho, no he’d rather die and speak up and tell you how good it feels when your massage his muscles while planting small kisses after every knot you work out. Definitely going to keep asking you to work his aches away… wonder if he can convince you he has a knot in his dick, no no wouldn’t do that to you not yet.

[xchxsex]

A Night In: Mark Hoffman fic

Warning: SEVERE breeding kink like its bad and im mentally ill, mentions of pregnancy, alcohol use, praise, degradation, rough sex, oral (f and m), slapping, squirting, cervix kisses, just some rough shiz

A night in is what got me here. Normally on a Saturday night, i would be out on the town with friends, but ever since i met Detective Mark Hoffman, a night out doesn’t give as much of a thrill as just being around him. His unpredictability keeps me on edge, gives me a rush of something I haven’t felt from any man.

When i first saw him, i hate to admit that it was his cockiness that drew me to him. The way he pranced around with a “fuck you and everyone around you” type of vibe.

I started to fall for him when one night alone, we were talking and then he did something I didn’t expect: he smiled. I felt my face heat just at the sight of it.

Ever since then I’ve been attracted to him, not knowing how to deal with these feelings. The thoughts keep me up at night. The idea of what he might look like under that blazer and baggy shirt. I know just from looking at him, he has that perfect dad bod that i long to rub my hands against.

I haven’t, but after i invited him over one night to help with cases, after he took one look at me and connected our lips. Ive had him ever since. Tonight is no different.

After having a few drinks, laughing at all the dumb shit we see around the station, it doesn’t take much to get us a little reckless.

Soon, he’s grabbing onto me, throwing me over his shoulder and taking me to his bedroom.

Tossing me on the bed, his hands are already ravaging my body, fumbling every piece of clothing on me. It’s mirroring the first time we had sex: after our kiss, he took my body exactly how he wanted to. Telling me to shut up and take it, telling me how long he’s thought of having me.

I smell the alcohol on his breath and taste it on his tongue. He practically tears the clothes off my body until I’m bare, pinned under his wide stature.

His mouth and tongue attack my chest and stomach, leaving dark bruises behind. He bites my nipple between his teeth and i wince. I reach out blindly and tug at his clothes.

“God take your fucking clothes off already!,” i groan.

My body aches for his skin against mine. I beg to kiss and lick all over his firm chest and soft stomach. That was the first thing i noticed when he took control over my body. His big tanned body, light chest hair, his wide arms. And the way it tasted, the sheer sweat that dampened his skin, the smell of his cologne mixing with it. Ugh, it was everything i could have imagined.

When i get his shirt off, busting a few buttons along the way, my hands connect to his body like metal and a magnet. I squeeze all the desired parts of him, dragging my nails gently down his chest and stomach.

“God i fucking love your body… want your stomach resting on mine when you fuck me,” i beg.

And thats what happened last time. I never expected a man with a larger gut to turn me on, but the way it made a perfect seat for me on his hips definitely changed my mind. Not being able to watch his cock slide out of me somehow made me feel it more. And fuck, the way his body cupped mine, rubbing my clit with each thrust effortlessly.

“Never had a chick tell me that before sweetheart.”

He smiles as he kisses my neck, nibbling my ear, licking a stripe along the way. His hands fondle my breasts, grabbing and tugging on the soft flesh.

“Mmph- daddy, need your cock,” i whine. I reach down and fumble his belt enough to get it unbuckled, but not before his hand wraps around my throat, pinning me to the bed.

“Now listen here you little bitch, you’re gonna lay there and be daddy’s good little fuck toy, aren’t you?”

My head goes fuzzy from him choking me. “Y-yes sir.”

He pulls off his belt with one hand, undoing the button on his dress pants. My heart is beating faster seeing the outline of his cock twitching for me. My eyes are locked on his hand as he slowly pulls down his fly. My hips squirm under him.

“Please, take them off… i need to be used daddy. Bruise my insides and make me yours,” i beg, wrapping my hands around his flexed arm.

My mouth is watering at the thought of him pulling his pants down and pulling his hard cock out.

He groans as he pulls his pants and underwear down in the front, painfully slow. His grip around my throat tightens. He gets them pulled down enough for his dick to spring up out of his clothes. God i can’t stand it anymore. I need it. I need it so bad.

My body trembles as he wraps his hand around it. “Like a dog waiting to be fed,” he smiles.

He gently pumps himself, a drop of precum falling to land on my stomach. “My cock is so full, you want to empty it for me baby? Yeah? You want to suck it?”

God, yes fuck.

“Yes daddy please, wanna suck you until you cum.”

He lets up his grip on my neck and i catch my breath. “Come suck it with that pretty little mouth until i paint your little whore face.”

I raise up and get on my knees on the bed in front of him. He runs his fingers through my hair, pulling it back out of the way. I reach my hand out and move my mouth to take him.

“Ah,” he stops me,” you gonna be my good girl and behave?”

I nod, taking him in my mouth. I feel my head jerk with a sting on my cheek. He grabs my face and makes me look up at him, drool dribbling down my lip.

“You know better than to not use your words. Daddy wants to play with his good girl, bad girls don’t get to cum as much as they want do they?”

“No daddy, i want your cock in my holes. M’ just wanna taste you.”

I finally take him in my mouth, taking him all the way down my throat. His stomach meets my face, turning my head to take the rest. I watch his eyes roll back, following his head.

“Yeah, thats daddy’s good fucking girl that he loves so much.”

My eyes water as i bob my head, sucking nice and good for him. I just want to be his good girl. My hand reaches down, palming his balls while i suck him off. Im looking up at him as much as i can, trying to please him so bad.

“Yeah? You want daddy to lick your cute little pussy when I’m done fuckin your throat?”

More than anything. I nod, using my mouth enough to prove to him that I’m his good girl. His thrusts meet my mouth deeper. I gag, blinking back tears while he uses my throat.

“Got a good little mouth on you don’t you baby? Such a pretty girl taking such a big cock huh?”

I whine against his flesh, my legs rubbing together.

“Poor thing, drunk on vodka and cock… so adorable.”

He rests one of his hands on my cheek, gently rubbing his thumb as a tear falls from my eye onto his hand. He pulls my hair back, taking me away from his cock. Gagging and catching my breath, i pump him in my hand while kissing along his v lines and stomach.

“Daddy, I’ve been such a good girl for you, please use my hole. I can’t wait any longer for your cock inside me.”

I stay looking up at him. His eyes show the power he has over me right now. He loops his thumb into my mouth and i suck it.

“Tell me darling, has a man ever made your ankles meet your ears?”

“N-no sir.” I couldn’t even imagine it; being folded in half and fucked. I don’t think I’ll have to wait very long to find out.

He lets out a satisfied ‘mhm’. “Don’t worry baby, ill show you. But not before i use you the way little whores get fucked.”

He pushes me back on the bed and flips me over on my stomach.

“Pick your little ass up right now,” he demands. I pick myself up as he places his hands on the sides of my ass. He gives a swift smack to my ass and thighs, jerking against him.

“Oh daddy,” i whine.

“Yeah?,” he slaps me again,” does it hurt?”

“Mhmph- yes.” Before i can say anything else, i feel his tongue run against my folds. I grip the sheets in front of me, fabric muffling my moans. One of my hands reaches around to press his head deeper. His tongue slips into me as my legs tighten over his head. He licks a strip up my ass before he spanks me again.

He grabs my hips and pulls me back against him. Rubbing his tip up and down my hole, i press back into him, needing to be filled. He takes my arms and pins them behind me with one hand.

“You gonna take this dick baby? Yeah? All you want to do is please daddy huh? I want that poor little head empty for me.”

Thats all i want to be right now is his personal sex toy; for him to use and abuse my body in any way he pleases.

“Mhm, fuck, please daddy. Im your little whore, only yours,” i plead.

I hear him let out a growl. “Good girl.”

He slams himself into me and I cry out in pain as his girth stretches my hole. He entangles his fingers in my hair and tugs tight, pressing my face into the bed.

He fucks into me mercilessly, unable to fight back against his movements. Im practically screaming in pleasure as he uses my hole.

“Yeah? Got a tight pussy on you don’t you baby? Whose fucking pussy is it?”

Before i can respond he slams deeper into me, hitting my cervix, shooting a pain through my body.

“It’s yours daddy it’s yours!,” is all i can make out as tears and mascara stain the sheets. He tightens his grip on my arms, balls slamming hard into my clit.

Fuck, his cock is so fucking big, pounding away at me like I mean nothing. I know i mean more to him than how he fucks me, but who doesn’t want to be treated like a princess and fucked like a whore?

I can practically hear how deep he is in me. He releases my arms and pulls me up, arching my back against his body.

“Yeah? Daddy fucking you good? You’re such a little fucking whore for me, and i love it.”

He reaches down and presses on my lower stomach and my god. I can feel him filling up my entire body almost. I cry out, my legs slamming shut before he spreads them back apart with a smack to my face.

“Keep your fucking legs open you slut. You know you like all of it, you’re just as fucked up as i am.”

I feel my orgasm brewing at my core, and i know he won’t release it yet.

“Mhm, fuck… c-can i cum?,” i ask.

“Course baby, you make a mess on my dick like a good girl.”

I relax into his arms before he squeezes my neck, his large hand wrapping all the way around.

“What do we say when daddy lets you cum?”

I choke back the saliva drooling out of my mouth.

“Thank you daddy.”

It doesn’t take long before I finish, crumbling apart into his arms. He rubs my clit, cause a liquid to spray out of me and onto the bed.

“Fuck yeah baby, squirt for me.”

When its passed over me, he lets me fall back onto the bed. He pulls out of me, flipping me on my back. Im limp against the bed, my orgasm taking all life out of me.

He pulls my legs up, folding me until my ass is in the air. He stands on the bed in front of me, slightly squatting as he slides back into me.

Roughly using me once again, he keeps my legs pinned out beside my head, hitting even deeper than before.

“Gah, daddy fuck! Y-you’re so deep inside me!”

“Shut up and take it little girl,” he growls.

He bites his lip hard, the vein in his forehead and arms popping out. He almost has a sort of anger behind his eyes, a frustration needing to be released…

And i know how to get it out.

“Please cum inside me Mark. I need your warm cum filling me up,” i whine.

He wraps a hand around my neck and squeezes.

“Shut up,” he groans, trying not to cum yet.

“Daddy- fuck please cum in me! Get me pregnant please! I wanna have your babies!,” i whine, about to make myself cum.

“Don’t you fucking get me going like that. I will flood your poor little womb until it hurts.”

I need more, i need all of his cum.

“Mhm, fuck your cum deep in my pussy daddy, breed me daddy, breed me! Mark my womb with your seed!”

He finally gives into me.

“Yeah? You want me to claim your womb with a seed for 9 months? You want my cum that bad? You want to make me a daddy?”

“Yes daddy, yes! Mhm I’m gonna cum for you again. Please cum with me, shoot your load into me!”

“Ugh, fuck, you’re such a dirty little whore begging for me to knock you up. You know how much i love that shit.”

Soon, I’m cumming again for him, not as wet this time. Then, he groans. He grips onto me tight enough to leave bruises as i feel his warmth seep into me.

“Daddy yes! Empty your balls into my hole!”

He continues to fuck into me, getting every last drop he has out.

Finally, after our highs have both subsided, he rests his legs back down, sweat falling down his forehead.

“God that was so fucking good baby, you’re amazing.”

He kisses me gently, wiping my tears away from my face. He slowly pulls out of me, not wanting to let go of him. He looks at the tainted sheets on the bed and smiles.

“How about i go run us a warm shower and we’ll get the sheets changed and go to bed?”

I smile. “That sounds nice.”

And thats what we did. He pulled me into his arms, me in one of his baggy shirts, and kissed me gently.

No matter how hard he fucks me, I’m still his special girl.

[someuncreativity]

Fuck it here’s part two of

My Ranking of How Quickly I’d Let These Fictional Men Rearrange My Organs

Still BotW/TotK edition because look at these men

You get the point, it’s gonna be hella NSFW because read the title

Oh but also this time I’m formatting the prompts like Stanzi Potenza’s “Animated Men I Would Sell My Body To At a Discount Price, The Discount Being Free Because I Would Never Make These Fine Gentlemen Pay For a Whore Like Me” series on YouTube

Cuz why not

But also this is just me thirsting after the most atrocious and/or attractive men in the Zelda universe

6. Master Kogha

This man may not be a fine dining experience, but he’s definitely worth your time for a banana or two.

A solid six-out-of-ten, the only thing that rivals your hatred for his superhero alter ego is his dad bod that puts furry artists on Twitter to shame.

They say that everything’s better with friends, and this man has a couple that would sweeten the deal, and as it happens, red spandex is absolutely up my alley.

A dork playing glorified dress-up doesn’t sound fun until his devotion to a demon king threatens an entire nation, and I am 100% here for it.

5. Revali

Fun fact, my favorite bird to eat is chicken, partially because I’m basic, but also because I could see myself sinking my canines into that cock.

His aim is im-peck-able, pun intended and unashamed, and he’s certain to get a bullseye into my heart.

I know he’s an egomaniac, but in the deep, dark, crevices of my mind, I know he’s mentally ruined. It’s the lifelong trauma and the “I can fix him” for me.

I love Rito clothing, especially since this man’s version of is the sluttiest thing on earth. After looking at him, I’m certain I’m not getting cold anytime soon.

He could treat me like the scum of the earth and I’d still be on all fours polishing his arrow free of charge. He’s like if a Disney prince realized he was a Disney prince.

4. Daruk

The only Goron I’d let pound me like a quarry, this man has warmed my heart like the fiery maw of his hometown’s tourist trap.

I could write a fifty-page essay about how this man’s kindness makes My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic look like more of a joke than it already is.

I know what I’ve said about Gorons literally crushing me to death, but as long as his words of encouragement are the last thing I hear as he erupts inside of me like Death Mountain, that’s all that really matters.

That loincloth isn’t doing much in the way of covering up his Boulder Breaker, and for that, I thank the weak fabric for its service to our nation. On the plus side, it’s white, so if he ever walks in the rain, that cloth’s purpose in life will have been fulfilled.

The fact that he has a grandson makes him not just a DILF but a GILF. In my opinion, fathers age like wine, so this is a win-win for me.

Combined with his white beard which resembles a mane more than facial hair, he’s like Santa if Santa was somehow both more and less cuddly at the same time.

And I know he’s afraid of dogs, but personally, that’s fine. I’m more of a cat person anyway.

3. Teba

Take everything I said about Revali and multiply it by the “white hair equals sexy” principle, and you have the new Rito chief.

I didn’t think it was possible to find anyone edgier than the spirit inside of the Master Sword, but here we are.

It is taking every ounce of my soul not to say “I can fix him” because clearly, I can’t and he doesn’t want me to.

. I would let him cry his heart out after nearly losing everything near and dear to him. There’s no shame, sweetie.

His wings are long, and I know of a few things that are longer. Given that he has procreated, it’s clear that the hot springs aren’t the only things that’ll be hot and steamy after a night with him.

Speaking of which, he’s a loving parent and a loving husband, which makes him a DILF, and let me tell you, the second that word becomes an adjective, the snow isn’t the only white thing covering the Hebra mountains.

If he could fly me into the skies, I would watch the sunset with him in silence as we realized the real magic was inside us all along or something like that. Whatever makes him happy, and yes, if he asks for it, that includes me swallowing a few of his bird eggs.

2. Tauro

Finally, a himbo the people can rely on.

We love seeing strong, partially-head-empty men being strong, partially-head-empty men.

Only I’m pretty sure this himbo is actually smart.

Idk I haven’t played enough or focused enough in Kakariko to find out lol

This man is investigating the ring ruins but he forgot about the ring he he to put on my finger.

He is giving “I’m going to save the world” and we love that. If you don’t, I see why- I did just say I liked villains- but I’m a double-sided coin.

Speaking of coins, flip one: head or tails? Which part of me is going to need to be replaced by Rauru? I don’t know, and quite frankly, I don’t care.

I personally have some depths for him to explore, and let me tell you, it’s gonna be the cave feeling his gloom infiltrate every orifice instead, and the cave will thank him.

His hair is giving the Hot Topic version of Melanie Martinez, and let me tell you, if I wasn’t a Crybaby, this man would have turned me.

I just love that every single Hylian around is taller than Link. I also love, however, that this man also towers over them too. Honestly, that makes things even better for me personally.

As long as Miss Papaya over there doesn’t realize that Link isn’t half the hero her grandma made him out to be, we won’t have problems. No worries here, chief, just doing some Zonai excavating.

1. King Dorephan

It’s known that this man singlehandedly defeated a Guardian, but judging by his measurements, all of which make the Empire State Building look like a stack of building blocks, it’s not hard to see how.

The leader of the Zora, this man is guaranteed to make any traveler feel right at home- hopefully, between the two logs he calls legs and the other two which he uses for other less savory deeds.

Not that I would mind, he could stretch my throat out to a time when the community will stop complaining about how the company keeps retconning the story with one and turn me into a make seahorse during conception with the other and I’d still have room. I have no shame.

If his son is a ten, he would have still been a ten before inflation.

You have to love a rich man with anatomically-correct shark organs. Jaws was really just my wake-up call after all, but not really because I like my men to talk dirty.

All I ask for in life is for this DILF to stretch me like taffy and squash me like a grape. Once that is achieved, I don’t care what Ganon does to Hyrule- I found my own sacred realm, thank you very much.

[punchratt]

Indulging in my brainrot again, heres that longer bg3 character design post i was talking about! (@dragonageshitpostingelves, i didnt forget you <3) Also, Spoiler Warning, i talk a lot about the companions backstory and quests, so don't read if you haven't finished those. Or do, I don't care.

Im gonna be honest and admit right now that I am sadly NOT a professional character designer, but instead just a nerd who likes to draw. I think the bg3 designs are amazing as they are and deserve a hell of a lot more praise then their already getting. That being said, i have many opinions about these funny little tadpole people. The first of them being that Gale, Wyll, and Astarion should not look like that. I mean, they all literally have the same body model, just give or take few scars and some hair, then swap the head. Which i think is a little shocking considering that the girls have much more diverse body types. Normally its the other way around.

First, Astarion. I love him, but i should not be able to grate cheese on his abs. Dude was a slave surviving off rats and living in the shadows for over 200 years, he's a rouge with 8 strength and no work out plan other then squatting so he can hide better. The last thing he should have is a six pack. I am a firm believer in scrawny Astarion, that man is wet noodle, he is malnourished and it should show. I should be able to see that mans ribs. Play that boy like a xylophone. This twink is not twinking right now and its driving me insane!

Im not saying he cant be sexy, in fact i think its very important that he is sexy. A big chunk of his story has to do with his relationship with sex and how he views romance as a whole. The whole point of his story is that he seems like the sexy vampier stereotype, but is actually a much more in depth character with a very complicated relationship to sex and romance. He needs to look sexy for that to work. But you don't gotta have a six pack to look sexy! Whenever i see him without a shirt all i can think of is that abs just don't look right on him. Everything else i think they've gotten perfect, he really does look like the character he's supposed to be and i can only applaud Larian for getting it so right, just.. lose the abs.

Second, Gale. I feel like I've already summed up how i feel about his design in my last post, but i like talking so i'm gonna say more! Gale should be chubby!! All he likes to do is ponder his orb, talk to his cat, and study magic. I firmly believe that he also has a side passion for food. After all, what is cooking if not potion brewing but different? Gale can appreciate a good meal and it should show! After all, eating and food is integral to his character with the whole arcane hunger thing he has going on. Give me my dad bod Gale and all wrongs in this world will be righted.

But to be a little more serious about this, i think his story becomes all the more poetic and tragic if you view him as someone who loves food. Because just imagine that you have three things you love, magic, food, and your goddess girlfriend. Now imagine that one day, to impress your goddess girlfriend, you do something kinda really stupid and end up with a magic nuke in your chest. But wait, it gets worse! Because of this failed grand gesture your goddess girlfriend breaks up with and banishes you. She leaves you to deal with this whole thing by yourself, all you have now is your cat and cooking. But wait, it gets even worse!! No matter how much you eat, yu arent ful, so you're constantly starvinng now, and thats how you find out that the bomb in your chest feeds on magic! Which means that now Gale has to ether find a way to keep it fed or he's gonna kamikaze half the swords coast. Meaning he has to eat any magical artifacts he gets his hands on while also dealing with the emotional damage of everything else. Food, one of the only things he had left, is now a stressful reminder of the fucked up situation he's in.

Now I don't think that means Gale starts to hate food, or resent it in some way, I still think he's the adorable little foodie goofball dork who insisted on being the camp cook. But i do think it makes his whole relationship with food something much more bittersweet, which is very interesting and something i feel could be reflected better in his already amazing design.

Third, Wyll. Wyll, I believe, is the most likely to be buff out of these three. Though, I don't think he'd show it as much as he does. We know he likes to dance, and that he enjoys a good sword fight more then anything! He used to fence with his father and overall is a very active guy. He is probably the character that most matches his body, there aren't many things I'd change. That being said, he is still a warlock with less strength then a hamster. He wouldn't be that muscly.

My dude is the son of a Grand Duke, he's had a relatively cushy life that didnt really get all that much harder after his dad gave him the boot (dick move btw). He's struggled, defiantly! But i don't think it'd be a reach to say that Wyll might have a little fat on him. I dont really have much to say other then i think he'd benefit from taking those abs away and putting that bulk somewhere else. When I imagine Wyll I imagine a man with some arm game and a pudgy belly. Maybe some calf muscle too, but overall nothing too defined since he doesn't really use strength in combat. I mean, why does Wyll have more defined abs then Lae'zel? Of all the origin characters she should have the most defined abs of the group. Not these three clowns(affectionate).

Wyll is a softie with a heart of gold, he should get to have a soft body to go with it. Plus it'd add more contrast between what parts are devil and what aren't. Sharp rough horns, a scarred face, and striking but intimidating eyes juxtaposed against a soft but somewhat built frame, quick whit, and a generally nice attitude make for a very interesting design! One that i think would be much more compelling then the kinda default muscly hero build he has now.

Now compare those to the secrete fourth option i didnt tell you about! Halsin! I think Halsin is designed perfectly and there is nothing i would change. He uses a unique body model from the other three and his design perfectly captures who he is as a character. He's big, appropriately buff, and looks kind. I look at that man and i think "yeah, thats a guy who occasionally turns into a bear", and he does! He looks like a natural born leader who knows how to make those tough decisions, he looks as inviting as he acts, and he looks like he gives amazing hugs. Bear hugs if you will! That man is a bear in every sense of the word, and whats more druid then that?

I only really brought him up to set him as sort of a standard for the designs of this game, because almost every single design is just as perfect and well thought out as his. I could go on for several more paragraphs about other characters and why their also perfect, or what other small little changes id make to their designs (cough cough, Lae'zel abs, cough) but this thing is getting long enough as is.

So to conclude. Fuck abs, and get them off my boys! If you've actually read this whole monstrosity, thank you. It took me over half a day to write and i still feel like i haven't touched on everything. Like, i didn't get to praise their designs nearly as much as i wanted to, but oh well. Maybe I'll make another post about the girls, maybe ill ramble about what i do like about the boys designs, i don't know. Depends on if anyone wants that, or if i still got gas left in the tank after this. Finally, please excuse any spelling errors and the inconsistent capitals. Its late, i have dyslexia, and i'll probably go back and fix it later. Thanks again for reading!

[darklordofthesimp]

HI DARK ITS PRICE ANON AGAIN (as I humbly baptized myself in a river ... ) SINCE ALL GRAVES SIMPS R (rightfully ) in the sin bin for the foreeseable future, I am free to roam With Little prices over all Of you *Shaking him like a bottle Of soda *

YKNOW I WAS THINKIN, PRICE IN YOUR FICS ... i just imagine him bein' a father figure to birdy BUT ONE SIDED, bc birdy is not on good terms w him n we know that i just imagine john Lookin at könig n doing the V eye sign like "Im watching you, son... Im watching you ..." He would also research abt PTSD but he wouldnt talk directly w birdy He would just pop up next to ghost, arms crossed, n be like "... ahem... so you know.. I HAPPENED to cross some information ..."

now with sunshine, THEY ARE FATHER AND CHILD THERES NO OTHER OPTION, i imagine sunshine sparring with ghost n going right in his throat for the kill n simon Lookin at price like "YOU SEEIN THIS ???" and he'll be like " GO SUNSHINE 👍👍👍👍 * Doin dumb dad poses

now to the more .. HOT HCS (so you can have a good night, or day depending on which time you gremlins r reading this(

SO, PRICE HAS THE<<< DAD BOD but even hotter cus hes in military after all, hes in good form, hes athletic (kinda ) BUT HE STILL HAS ALL THE TRAITS THAT MAKE A HOT DAD BOD HOT

hes also the type to not let you get off bed early than him "oh, but hes a captain he has respon- NO !!!! hes Lazy And he likes cuddles YOU GUYS DONT UNDERSTAND HIM AS I DO !! But you know, ill give him some credit, he'll also make breakfast on the days hes not lazy (Please dont mention to him anything you like, HE'LL ONLY DO THIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFES, if you mention pancakes, you can wait for atleast 20 packages of those in your kitchen the very next day )

welp, my job here is done *gets him by The neck and puts him on my pocket* It is time for me to go, fellas.. goodbye

This was THE most chaotic shit that I've ever read and I absolutely fucking loved it Hahawjkwiwow I'm fucking cackling.

Okay okay so Birdy most definitely has a father child relationship with Price but I reckon Sunshine is like that rebellious child. Yknow doing the whole "You're not my dad, we're in rhe fucking special forces, get it together) kind of Shebang (shame on you Sunshine)

But then peepaw price grows on everyone

So eventually

Sunshine and peepaw become father and child and I think Sunshine will take their place in the 141 family.

SECONDLY LISTEN

PEEPAW IS GETTING TO GROW ON ME COS I NEVER REALLY LOOKED QT HIM SIDEWYS BEFORE COS HES KIND OF GOT A WEIRD FACE BUT IDK NOW IM LIKE HEY I LIKE WEIRD.

You MIGHT BE ONTO SOMETHING HERE ANON

[vampdes]

its the mf who called you danplan here to rock your world 🗣️‼️‼️‼️

first, dont rush yourself!! we can wait 😇 second, i have another question (as always i never shut up)

can i get a description of issac like his fashion hair style, eyes etc

i wanna draw my pookie woo boo flu

-💽 (gatekeeping my emoji even if the list isnt out)

EWWWW GET OUT OF MY INBOOOXXX [/j + /pos]

y'all be waiting so long for ya boy to post but i js don't have no motivation 4 writing sobs dramatically 💕

ALSO DESCRIPTION?? WAAAAAAOOOOAAHHH cries

OKAY UHHH

thinks hard

5’10, black hair with a strip of neon green in his hair, leaning on a dad-bod [drools 💖] + he has a very small, but noticeable, [healed] scar aligning his nose [diagonal] + he has 8 beauty marks!! 2 on his waist, 3 on his thighs, n 3 on his face [1st one — lower lip to the right, 2nd one — upper lip to the left, 3rd one — right eye underneath the lower eyelid]!! oh n his eyes r green <3 like,,, #228B22 [forest green] + his iris is #525025 [brownish green] teehee 🤞🏾😻 OH N HE HAS A ANKLE + SHOULDER [it also goes down his back 😰] TATTOO!!!

also his styles, YES IM PROVIDING U W EVERYTHINGGGG js like the good oc writer that i am 🤞🏾😻 OKAY UH

causal [when hes w u] vs causal [when hes by himself] + date night + pjs!!

ALSO HAIR STYLES??? JS REALIZED U ASKED 4 THAT

most comfy hairstyle — 🍫

his fav [the one u do <3] — 🥪

natural / bed head — 🥨

THIS IS SUCH A LONG POST 😰🤞🏾

also discy poo poo bear, i will allow u to gatekeep 💋 gonna post the list in a few decades yawns OKAY THAT'S ALL walks away all gremlin like

[something-or-somethingelse]

I am 100% on board with the ballpit spring Bonnie just wants to be Ozwald's dad. And I want fanfic of it so bad but I'm not a good writer, I wrote a bit of my ideas for it in my notes app, but I've only gotten to when he's driving back home with Ozwald in the car. None of it has proper dialog, it's all just descriptions and actions. I'd write more but I have a flight tomorrow and I can only express my "Imaginating" when I'm in the shower, staying up not sleeping, sleep deprived, or possibly under the influence(I haven't tried but it would make sense to me why).

Here's my current work, it would be posted on AO3, its not that much the same as into the pit, just the same bones:

Fnaf: Into the pit

Tags: Gen

Original Characters, Ball Pit Spring Bonnie

Father - Son Relationship, Springdad, (some sort of character fusion tag)

Starts out in the brief period of time between springtrap taking ozwald's dad into the pit and springtrap returning as his dad.

A something happens in the pit and springtrap and the dad are merged, Springtrap/William Afton remains the dominant personality but he gets all the dad's memories which changes him a bit. He becomes less murder-y especially towards Ozwald as William Afton/Springtrap sees him like his son now. He reminds him of Evan and because of that and his newly acquired memories from Ozwald's dad decides to fill the hole he left. His appearance has also changed because of this. He gains more of a dad bod from Ozwald's dad, but is otherwise still the Spring Bonnie suit on the outside, just one with a dad bod.

*Now past the setup*

Like normal Springtrap takes the holographic form of Ozwald's dad but Ozwald knows it's not his dad. He takes him into the car like normal. In the car he starts talking to Ozwald trying to explain what happened to him, that the pit is broken, his father is gone, and he has his father's memories.

future plot points:

They bond as father - son, light hearted murder is committed by Springtrap its still quite gory and descriptive though(if im writing a murder it will be delicious figuratively), I have read a fanfic of into the pit that had Forced Cannibalism and while that would be fun it wouldn't work in this story as it would be on Ozwald and that seems contrary to the relationship building, the mom never finds out and doesn't really care as Springtrap seems the same as Ozwald's dad but better in some ways, Cat redemption, for a while Oscar doesn't trust Springtrap so it does progress similar to the video game but he has no clue what to do as the pit doesn't work anymore, Springtrap has to rely on Ozwald in the beginning as the whole future is still strange to him even with the memories.

Fnaf-tober | Day 13: Ballpit

I'd trust him.

Edit: Removed the arm because I didn't like it

Fnaftober by miiilowo

[yettiman84]

Best friends dad

It was late June and just approaching summer, and I had recently turned 19. I was chilling in my best friend, Angela’s garden. I was wearing a tiny white bikini, the bottoms a thong style. Let me describe myself: I am short and curvy'', with a spankable bum and naturally tan skin. I have black hair with natural curls. "I gotta go, my mums picking me up for the weekend," Angela said. (Her parents are divorced) "Ok", I replied, "is it cool if I shower here then head home?" Angela told me it was fine, and she ran upstairs to grab her stuff. She came back down, said goodbye, then ran out the door for the rest of the weekend. I walked upstairs and turned on the shower. Once the water was hot, I stripped down and got in. Second's after I got in, the door opened and I jumped. Angela’s dad stood in the doorway, wearing nothing but tight fitting boxers. I had always fantasized about Angela’s dad. His name was Lee, and he is in his mid 30's and is about 6ft with a sexy hairy dad bod. He had short shaven brown hair and blue eyes. "Oh, sorry I didn't know you were home. I- uh-..." I trailed off, but didn't make an effort to cover up. It oddly kind of turned me on to have him see me naked here through the glass shower door. Lee replied, "Oh, im sorry I didn't know anyone was in here." I could tell he was lying. He continued, "Wow, you've got a nice body." I knew this was part of a plan for him to fuck me. I had always fantasized about him, so I just went along with it.  "Mmmmm you like it?" I teased. I saw his cock was hard through his boxers. I pressed my round tits to the glass so they pressed up against it.  "Ohhhh you wanna tease me like this do you? We'll see about that," he said and pulled down his boxers so he was naked. He climbed in the shower with me and pressed his wet naked body to mine. Our lips met and I seductively slid my tongue into his mouth. He reached around me and squeezed my curvy ass. We broke apart and he demanded me to suck his cock. His cock was big and very wide. I took it in my hand and started going to work on it. I tried to fit all its length in my mouth but there was simply too much of it. I gagged and choked on it, and he pushed my head further down onto it forcefully. " Let me see that pussy princess," he demanded. I looked up at him and my face lit up. He couldn’t have known that I liked to be called princess could he?? Had he managed to read my diary when I stayed over previously? If he did then he knew I’d written about my fantasies which were about him. Oh my god this is going to happen. My pussy really started to get wet instantly as all my fantasies began rushing through my head. I sat down on the little seat that was built into the shower and spread my legs. My shaved, tight, pink pussy displayed for him. After spreading it and inspecting it, he told me, "nice tight pussy you have there." He went to work eating me out. I moaned softly as his tongue circled my clit. I pushed his head down harder onto my pussy as i reached my first orgasm. "Oh Lee I want you in me!" I cried.  "Call me Daddy you naughty slut," he replied. He definitely had read my diary, I was dripping wet at the thought of him reading all my dirty secrets. He turned off the steaming water, picked me up, and carried me to his bedroom. He threw me on the bed, turned me so my legs were off the bed, and spread my legs. As he put two fingers in my pussy, he suddenly stopped as he realised my cherry had not been popped. I was scared he wouldn't want me but he smiled and looked at me. He removed his fingers, put his mouth on my tight pussy and began to suck my clit. A sensation I had never felt before began to over take my body; my legs had become weak. Then I orgasmed like never before and had to move away from his face as the sensation was too great.

He pulled me close and put me on his lap, guiding my pussy onto his cock. The pain was too much and he began to realise so he put me on my back and slowly kissed my lips, making me want so much more. His kisses got more firm as he guided his cock into my wet pussy and he pushed slowly until he could push no more. I thought I was going to split in two but the pain soon became pleasure. He stopped and pulled me into his lap again; this time I was just about able to get his solid hard cock in me. I began to bounce up and down as he rubbed and bit my sensitive nipples. I felt amazing. Then it happened; I came again but this time whilst I was being fucked and my dripping messy little pussy felt amazing. I was so out of breath and could not believe what had just happened. He kissed me passionately and moved me to the side. He looked straight into my eyes and kissed my forehead.... “If you think that’s it then you’re mistaken princess”. I was giggling and smiling, this was all I expected and much much more. He stood in between my legs and shoved his rock hard cock in. I let out a little scream. He started off slowly, then got a rhythm going faster. I was quickly starting to climax again. Before I knew it, I started shaking, and he pulled out just before I squirted out of my pussy all over his thighs. I screamed in pure ecstasy. He flipped me over, climbed on the bed, and shoved his cock in my ass. I screamed in pain and protest. I had never had sex before let alone anal. My diary said I was scared of it and he knew that. "Shut the fuck up bitch, I'm taking your tight little ass," he shouted. He slapped my arse many times. I slowly started to enjoy it more and more. Soon, I had reached another screaming orgasm but I did not squirt this time.  Lee layed down on his back and told me to climb on top of his dick. I squatted on top of it, and lowered myself onto it slowly, teasing him as I glided it in inch by inch. I started bouncing up and down, riding him. I reached two orgasms in this position before he told me he was gonna cum. "Open your mouth princess." He said. I opened my mouth and stroked his cock before he shot his huge load into my mouth. I played with it for a little bit before I gargled it and swallowed it like a good little girl. He kissed me on the forehead and pulled me in close as we lay together in bed cuddling as he stroked my hair and body all over as I fell asleep in his arms.

[idgaf-what-you-call-me]



[majimemegoro]

kinda tired of how yakuza characters all have like the same boring body just with slight tweaks in proportions so here are some body & eating/exercise headcanons for a few characters.

kiryu is probably the closest in my head to how he looks in canon, with the caveat that when he gets ‘out of shape’ in between games, he does actually lose some muscle tone. when hes in his most muscled form during the stressful main events of each game, he really does look LikeThatTM, but he doesn’t really do it on purpose. he just... drinks too many energy drinks and not enough water. kiryu youre dehydrated please take care of yourself kiryu please. also he eats stupid nonsense but somehow still has a hollywood-style body. his arms are SO good. has forgotten to eat vegetables for a whole month before. he has several gunshot-wound scars and also scars from the torture and the abdominal stabbings. [if anyone wants to go through the history and make a ‘map’ of the places on kiryu’s body where he would have scars, that would be amazing. i plan to do it myself but probaly wont have time for a few years.]

nishiki is a bit vain about his body. so hes the Health Conscious One [canon, y0 intro scene]. he doesnt diet exactly and hes always happy to eat a huge delicious meal while out on the town, but on his own he tries to make really balanced meals and stuff. his exercise regimen is second only to his haircare routine. he follows it strictly, but it’s nothing too intense. like kiryu, he’s pretty naturally good at being muscly and toned. hes never as bulky as kiryu though.

nishida is a small guy. stronger than he looks, but not shredded at all, hes just a normal pretty strong guy. loses weight in times of higher stress than usual (i.e. 100000 instead of 10000 stress, which is nishida’s daily level). tattoo is a Buddha and lotus flowers.

majima really freaking cares what he looks like. hes starved-shredded and hed do it on purpose if he had to, he wants to look ripped. he eats like garbage [canon, kiwami smile burger majima everywhere event] or just forgets to eat even though hes hungry. really disorganized and a mess but he looks good??? I guess????? hes passed out before possibly from eating only staminams for two weeks straight malnutrition, but it’s hard to say for sure what the cause was because he also... doesnt.. sleep. his joints are in surprisingly good shape, but his knees always crack when he stands up from his lil crouches. long legs. most impressive body part is probably his thighs and shredded abs. his butt is “the great plains”

its been said before but akiyama has. dad bod.

saejima eats a lot [canon, y5 gourmet substory with the girl] and exercises a lot, and gains weight really easily, muscle and fat. so hes super super bulky and well muscled, but not that shredded. like he often has visible abs but theyre meaty abs, not shrink-wrapped abs. he doesnt care what he looks like, but he wants to be  s t r o n g e. he doesn’t really like western food, and he refuses to even try smile burger. will pretty much eat anything else. despite his iconic eyebrow scar he doesnt really scar easily, most of his wounds heal without leaving too much of a mark. his boobies are one of the seven wonders of the world. also one of the few characters with a bodacious butt.

okudera is quite small, especially compared to the giant-size protagonists. maybe like 5′6″? he’s also one of those people who naturally doesnt get that hungry, and combined with his experience of starvation while dealing with trauma & guilt, the guy never eats enough. still in good shape from trekking all over the mountain day & night, skinny but really compact and sinewy. hes also mega scarred up [canon for his face]. not tattooed. his joints are in phenomenal shape for someone of his age and disregard for his personal wellbeing. gets sick pretty easily though.

kashiwagi. hes muscular but never shrink-wrapped like kiryu sometimes gets, but he has broad shoulders and a naturally snatched waist. his torso still looks like that no matter how many cold noodles he stress-eats. doesnt care at all what he looks like but people find it hard to believe because if they see him shirtless they think he has to be a narcissist (bc theyre jealous). has a really big tattoo (im thinkin full sleeves, etc) but idk what its of. actually only has a few scars aside from the facial scar.

please add your own, on new characters or where your headcanon on these characters differs from mine! i’d love to hear !!

[slutfor-fictionalmen]

Hi!!! I just saw your prompt and wanted to ask if you could do 97? I’m kinda new to your blog but I’m definitely gonna check it out!! Also love that title (chubby= beautiful) you got there!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

P.S. I don’t know if I’m sending this in the right ask so I apologize if it’s the wrong one.

They requested Bakugo and i know this is about 200 followers late but i hope you like it! Bakugo's father had a dad bod and i stand by that. Mitsuki is completely in love with her husband in this, fight me.

97. “my parents love you.”

Of course it's not the first time you've met his parents, nor will it be the last, but every time you meet with them you're always thrown off by the family dynamic.

"Shut up you old hag!"

"You ungrateful little leech! You shut your mouth before i slap it off of you!"

"Would you mind passing the peas?" A soft voice cuts in.

"Oh, yeah of course, you want the salt too?" You stare in awe the sight before you, Mitsuki and Katsuki fighting to the death while Masaru acts as if this is a average day. Bakugo's father looks over at you with a small smile, reassuring you again, that their actual fighting is a lot different their banter. He could tell by the horrified look on your face that that gave you no source of comfort.

"They're attracted to their opposites." The feisty pair shuts up, looking at the older man, ready to fight whatever comes out of his mouth next.

A laugh escapes your mouth, your lovers appearance visibly softens as he hears that. This doesn't escape his mothers notice though.

"Yes i seem to see that same pattern, maybe for a subconscious balance i'm guessing?"

"like Yin and Yang!" He chips in, the perfect pair fitting perfectly with the situation.

"Exactly!"

You laugh with Masaru causing the two blondes to stare in awe at you both. You were right though, your calm personalities pairing with pairing with the mother and son perfectly, almost as if you were two pairs made in heaven.

Only you both knew the love the blondes held, how they showed you their soft side and will fight to the death to protect the few people they show it to. You admired Katsuki's parents, how despite being polar opposites they fit so perfectly, how her hard met his soft. You aspired to be like that with Katsuki.

"Stop talking about us like we're not here you nerds, i can here all the shit you say." You reach over and take his hand in your chubby one, running your thumb over his own calloused fingers. He subconsciously brought your hand up to his lips, giving it a small kiss and squishing it.

His parents watch as he treats you softly, holding your hand and looking at you like you're the most beautiful thing in the whole world. Mitsuki cleared her throat, causing her son to drop your hand as she made a move to pick up your other hand. She held both your hands and gave you a wide smile. She's never seen her son this happy with anything.

"You're welcome here anytime, lovely Y/n."

You wrap up dinner soon after that, bidding Katsuki's parents farewell and leaving them with a small "thank you for having me over" gift. They gave you wide smiles and big hugs while telling Katsuki that if he hurts you they'll make his life a living hell.

Little did you know his mom knew of his plans for that night, giving him advice and an extra squeeze. She wishes her son goodluck and gives you a tight hug.

"She's the one, i know you know it too." "I don't plan on letting her go"

"i'd have to beat your puny ass if you ever do!"

You wave goodbye and hold katsuki's hand, swinging it as you look up at the stars.

"My Parents love you."

"I love them too! it was nice to see in what kind of house you were raised, they're so nice." You chuckle as you reflect on the night.

"I love you."

"I love you too, but you make it pretty obvious that you do so you don-"

Your voice got caught in your throat. 3 years of love. 3 years of finding your way as a couple. 3 years as "just friends" to 3 years of dating. 3 years to build up the nerve to do what he's wanted do do since he first met you.

You choked on a sob, backing up as the love of your life awaited on one knee, holding a ring with both your birthstones, centered with a diamond in the middle.

"I'm shit with words...... and feelings, and actions...... to be honest i have no idea why you fell for me. and i don't think i ever will. But i wanna spend my life looking for that reason, i want to spend my life with you. I love you Y/n, and i know i love our future together. You make me a better person, i want to wake up next to you and have kids with you, i want you! ah fuck i dont mean it like that- i mean i do- but-"

You laugh through your tears and nod, causing him to look up at you with a fond smile.

"i mean, Will you, the love of my life, the person whom i've loved since ive first met, Will you marry me?"

You wheeze, out a yes, causing him to laugh and stand up. You kiss him with snot on your face, ignoring his protests about you getting your nasty ass germs on his lips.

He places the ring on your finger, smiling while he does it. You mention his face while he laces his fingers with yours. He laughs and rests his forehead on yours.

"I'm just glad that the whole world knows how much i love my wife, and how much i'll always love her."

You were his now, and no matter what, you'll be the Yin to his Yang

IM SORRY ITS SO LATE/BAD I HOPE YOU LIKED THE FLUFF

[matchamabs]

BOTW (and AOC) GUYS: RANKED BY HOW HOT THEY ARE

get ready for some heinous opinions! so im ranking the guys in botw by how hot they are and im taking No criticism. idk if i forgot anyone but i tried

check it out under the cut 

sorry but this twink is just. average. like Painfully average. hes like white bread. therefore he gets an average score. i can appreciate hes a cute lookin guy? but like. thats it. if u fancy link u probably like mayonnaise. he looks like mayonnaise. grow a fuckin tache or smth dude for the love of god. 5/10 very normal.

ok im a diehard bird simp but like... this boy is fuckin ugly lmao. hes pretty at the same time tho? nice smile, nice eyes, nice voice but yellow eyebrows? green eyes? red makeup? clown. he’s a bird clown. tho i guess some ppl find clowns hot so this one’s for the pennywise crowd. 5/10. he’s a 10/10 in my heart tho.

now this is a MAN. u got the good smile, the strong arms, the r i p p l i n g  m u s c l e s. he is a man u can trust. his arm hair is a bit wild but if u dont like his incredible facial hair, then.... idc. 7/10. they made a rock handsome. thats impressive. 3 points off for the forehead vagina tho. dont like that.

hot fucking damn. this is what we in the biz call a raging dilf. he looks like the kind of dad that never grew out of his punk rock phase. idk how i feel abt the broken traffic light look but its fine. just look into his gorgeous eyes and listen 2 his deep gravelly voice as he tells u to fuck off and leave him alone. perfection. the voice already makes him like 20/10 but the mullet is fucking awful and he should be penalised for that. 8/10. grow a fringe like the rest of us.

ah the shape of water... ok yeah the fish is fuckable ill grant u that. hes All fuckin torso tho and his eyes r constantly pointing in different directions which is not the Most Flattering Look and he Will hit u with his head handlebars and it will hurt. the 24-pack aint half bad either but i always get this feeling that he looks like he skips... some kind of day. not arm day, not leg day, but... some kind of day. maybe brain day.  8/10. sharp teeth are always sexy.

10/10. i dont fuckin care if u hate his hair- this man probably invented the most effective hairspray in existence just to make that happen. respect him. u cannot deny hes hot tho like theres just Something about him. the confidence... the attitude... i worry about revealing his eyes tho. theres a 50% chance it will not work in ur favour and he’ll just look heinous. full 10/10 tho. old robbie is also not bad 2 look at if ur not a coward but he Might leave u for an easy bake oven so like. watch out for that.

well the queen saw something in him??? i genuinely fear the idea of ever getting to see his chin from under that magnificent beard tho. he’s probably got the jawline of a russian power lifter. anyway for an old guy hes not lookin that bad so long as u dont mind a receding hairline. ill b nice. 5/10. for a king u could do worse. ill be taking complaints about this take in my dms. bring a bat. 

where do i begin. i love beedle. i rlly do but theres.... so much going on. personality is a 10/10, business skills are 10/10/ haircut is -50/10 and the crop top....? well ill give him 10/10 for confidence. 4/10 im sorry he is just a Lot to look at. he looks like rock lee tried to become a slutty pirate king. shonen jump will have a lot to answer for.

the colour scheme is... better than revali, tho i didnt realise how obnoxious it was until i actually got a good look at him. ive never seen a bird look so top heavy before but this mans got 5 kids so i have nothing but respect for my king. kass is for the dilf crowd that like the dad bods. 8/10 he is quite nice to look at ngl. he’s like revali but light mode.

ok yunobo is very cute i wont lie but the hair is just massively disarming. idk its all i can think about. is this a goron emo phase?? is that what that is?? ive been staring at it for like 5 minutes and i still cant work out if i like it or not. 5/10 he is a humble lad. 

under all that gear kohga could look like willem dafoe x50 and id still find him attractive. he cant be hot tho. he just cant be. like looks wise he has to be 1/10 under that there is no way this man could feasibly be conventionally attractive and tbh i like it that way. banana boy gets 6/10. hotter than revali. revali looks like a clown but kohga looks like the entire fucking circus

there is nothing unattractive about bolson. 10/10. sha-ding

i hate the hair i hate the hair i hate the hair i hate the hair SO fucking much but the voice. he has to be hot under that gear with a voice like that. if hes not well. just close ur eyes. the voice will take care of the rest. 8/10 the crack in his mask actually makes him look sexier and i dont understand how that can happen

????????????????????????? he looks. like an old man? i swear those big wingy bits are his eyebrows but i cant Quite be sure. why would a tree need eyebrows. ??/10 keep ur questionable gifts to urself

-100000/10 who the fuck let this budget pokemon npc in here. he looks like he should b leading team ganon across the kanto region. he probably draws those lines on his face to make himself look older and listens to mother mother. im gonna punch his third eye. no this is not a biased opinion 

[ghostinthewalls]

Hi bestie! I'm bored so can I have a creepypasta match-up please? Also sorry if this is really long.

So I'm a straight girl and I use she/her pronouns. Im a Leo and a ENTP. I'm 5'4 almost 5'5 I'm very pale and skinny, and I have freckles everywhere, especially on my face. I have thick brown hair that goes down to my mid back its kinda fluffy and it gets tangled pretty easily, I also have brown eyes.

My personality can be very strange when you first see me people say I have a resting bitch face and I look intimidating but when you actaully start to talk to me I can be very friendly and goofy! Almost everything that comes out of my mouth is sarcastic. I can be very stubborn, feisty and competitive when I want to be but I like to help people and I'll always listen to someone if they need it. Myself on the other hand hates to talk about my feelings and I'm very closed off, I don't tell anybody my problems and I try to ignore them until I explode basically.

The only way you can really describe me is as the idiot/sarcastic asshole in a friend group.

My style consists of flannels LOTS of flannels, oversized sweatshirts, ripped skinny jeans, tank tops, and band t-shirts. I also love wearing combat boots and converses.

You already know I love 90s and 80s (I personally think 90's is the best) but basically anything under the rock n roll genre I love. My favortie bands are Red Hot Chili Peppers, Alice in Chains, Soundgarden etc. I also like swimming and I was on a swim team for about 9 years and I've received many trophies, medals, ribbons etc. And I have a ton of weird stories from all those years of swimming.

Hey babes sorry for the wait,,,, HERE YOU GO!

I match you with🥁🥁..........

TIM WRIGHT/MASKY!!!

I headcanon Tim as an INFP. I did a lot of research and I read that ENTPs and INFPs go great together! (I'm also an ENTP btw)

Tim is 5'7, so he isn't that much taller than you. But he's tall enough to were he can kiss your forehead, and it's like his favorite thing to do

OMGGG FWECKLES HE LOVES THEM SO MUCHH

Hes a mega simp for them, like no joke

I think I've said this before, but Tim himself has some on his arms, inner thighs, neck, and chest

He loves your hair he thinks it's so pretty🥺🥺

He will absolutely buy you so many hair accessories. Barrette's, bobby pins, hair ties- literally anything you want

He'll even ask to braid your hair! Granted he doesn't know how to but,,,,HE WILL LEARN so please let himm

Brown eyes are so pretty like-

He sings you this song all the time

Says it's "our song"

Tim has the same personality

When people first meet him/talk to him. He is very sarcastic and has a very stoic expression. But after they get to know him he cracks dad jokes left and right

Tim is the definition of stubborn. Try to get him to go to bed at a reasonable time. Go on, try it

He thinks it's so cute that you're feisty, he says you remind him of a chihuahua

He DEFINETLY needs someone to talk to about all his problems

bb boy has so many pent up emotions, that as soon as he starts to open up to you, the dam just breaks

Just hold him and tell him you love him. It's all he wants to hear

He totally understands not wanting to talk about your problems, but he doesn't mind listening to yours

He won't force you to open up, but he lets you know that he's always there for you

He's the dad of the friend group-

You guys wear the exact same thing

He will so give you his clothes, just ask

Twinsiessss

He loves seeing you in his shirts, he doesn't know why; he just does

Tim has a dad bod so all his shirts will be kinda baggy on you

It's so cool that you have the same music taste as him. It just makes him love you even more<3

Will give you all his old CD's from when he was a teenager

I can just imagine him doin the little thumb taps on the steering wheel

This man can't swim to save his life, He just never learned how

He totally asks for you to teach him; and to tell him the stories-

This one's really long wow,,, I hope you like it, it was really fun to write!!

[curious-menace]

Batman has put on a bit of quarantine weight (he could lose it but he's like fuck it I'm cool with having a muffin top) and his villains take notice how would they all react to slightly softer looking batman bonus if one of villains is like supportive like you look adorable all chubby bats..like a cuddly bat plush.

dad bod batman. 

that is all. 

jk here are some headcanons

Penguin 

well he’s a lil chubby himself so i doubt he’s going to be in a position to throw any stones in this particular glass house. You could argue that batman looks the same since some men look really fat when its actually muscle. think rugby players, professional weight lifters (not body builders thats all for show) and maybe professional boxers? look at albert king in arkham knight. he’s chubby but he’s a brick wall! either way i dont think penguin will be treating him any different. batman can still punch his lights out and now with a bit of extra weight? he’s going to hit like a runaway train. 

TwoFace

Again, he doesnt spend much time looking at batmans ass while he’s running away from him. he might make some jokes about how batman weights if he landed on him for a take down, maybe joke like catwoman about needing a few more notches in his utility belt. To be honest, this whole quarantine isolation thing has him a bit down in the dumps. he’s probably just happy to see another human being, even if it is batman.  

Ivy

Shes teasing but not mean, like selina. shes loving quarantine life. nobody bothers her and she’s free to be with her plants all day long. she’s basically just chilling in the botanic gardens, since its closed due to not being an essential service. when batman shows up to check on her, she notices something is different but doesnt pin point it right away. but when he jumps down from the rafters and makes her glass herb gardens rattle she burst out laughing. again, shes not being mean, she just genuinely finds this hilarious that even the great batman has put on a few pounds in lock down. yes, she is loving the new look, softer around the edges and better for sitting on if he was under mind control

Scarecrow

i mean this in the nicest way possible but scarecrow literally does not give one tiny fuck. he’s gotten so much work done in lockdown without people bothering him, he’s soo deep in his research that he doesn't even notice batman approach. he does freak the fuck out , flinging vials of his new toxin 10 feet in the air in fright when he turns around and batman is standing there. the vials land far enough away that they aren't in any danger. still Stawman is pissed that batman just had to show up right then and scare the piss out of him. but he hasn't seen another human in like 3 months and since his research is ruined, he asks batman to stay for a few minutes. there's nothing technically illegal afoot in his lab right now, so why not see how crane is holding up? he sits in one of scarecrow old chairs that groans like a dying animal under his weight. scarecrow might raise an eyebrow but he’s not going to stay anything, not right now anyway. 

Riddler

oh thank GOD ! another human being! riddler is glad, actually fuckin glad to see batman. he’s been so BORED since lockdown started he actually contemplated kidnapping some people just so he’d have company. i made a joke once that you cant gag any riddler because they’ll just store it up and ramble more later. this is exactly what happens with batman when riddler spots him , he’s speaking so fast the flash would have trouble understanding him “Come in batman, sit down make yourself comfortable, not in that chair that’s a deathtrap ive been working on. have you put on a little weight? nevermind im sure you can work it off in my newest puzzle its very- wait where are you going?!” speaking of bat plushies , riddler absolutely has a batman plush on his desk that he likes to ramble at. when the real bats leaves he makes a mental note to put some more stuffing into plushie batman.

Harley

Harley hugs batman. i guess its ok, she might as well be part of his bubble for all the time they spend together. she notices right away hes put on a few but shes not one  to complain. makes him soft, its a nice change from jokers bones and refusal to give her even a head pat. Batman is a softie at heart, he cant bring himself to push her away. she’s mostly compliments about him looking soft and chubby and invites to stay with her or wont he please please please take her to the batcave shes so bored and she misses the robins, god help her she even misses the other rogues. she also misses going outside but technically a cave isnt outside so shes not breaking any rules and surely there must be enough room to be socially distant in a place that size.  batman disappears for a few hours, seemingly ignoring her request . he returns with plushies of all the rogues and batfam, and a special bat patterned facemask just for her. this earns him another not so socially distant hug with harley possibly not quite copping a feel of his new love handles and plump butt. 

this was very silly but an enjoyable write, thank you for the prompt nonnie! i must admit, im more like scarecrow than harley. i like being inside, but i worry im getting to use to it and if things return to normal (relatively speaking) i wont want to go back out again. 

i suppose that's a problem for future shep right?

got something you wanna talk about? send me an ask or a dm!💜💙💛🧡💚❤️

[aveys6]

little wip

how richie's health changes in relation to his relationship w eddie

* the dialogue is rough bc i intend on actually putting it into structured sentences in ao3, bare w me

age 13 - 1989

"sorry guys, cant hang today. i have a hot appointment scheduled with dr noelle" he lifted his eyebrows and shit to insuate prostitution

"so, what, you have a physical?" stan said unimpressed

"that's the techinical term, stanny, but we all know better. i cant wait to have her hot bod all over me on the examination table-"

a chorus of dismissal waves around him, and eddie elbows his upper arm. stan even mutters something about 'examination' being quite a big word for richie to use.

"i bet theyre gonna test you for HIV. or maybe you'll get diagnosed with lung cancer from all of those cigarettes you've been smoking. *insert fact about smoking here that was probably exaggerated*"

"oh yeah? and where'd you hear that? your mommy?" richie challenged, ignoring eddies mention of the 'queer disease'

"ill have you know, dipwad, that my mom is highly educated in the field of medicine. cigarettes are insanely addictive-"

rich cuts him off and mocks with a nasally voice

"according to my calculations, cigarettes have roughly 236 chemicals in them-"

"thats basically true!"

"you guys are infuriating, but im pretty sure eddie's right on this one"

"thank you stan!"

"my mom says its fine because im young"

"im pretty sure she said that in reference to your junk food intake which you should also cut back on-"

"anyway," rich cuts in "im 100% sure everything will go completely fine. my doctor will be swayed by my irresistible charm to which she will then add a couple inches to my heigh chart so i can officially be 5'4 and make fun of you all"

eddie was determined not to smile, his quivering lips miraculously staying straight and expressionless "thats not how it works and you know it"

"not with that attitude!" noogie on eds

"fuckin quit it!"

-

his heel was practically slapping the waiting room floor, eyes flittering over childish paintings of sea creatures on the walls.

eddies irrational-but-not-quite-irrational rants finally processed in his mind.

richie never liked worrying his friend. he knew the boy's mom was a nutjob and said as such often (as well as vocalized his extreme desire to 'love her up'). he knew eddie was basically brainwashed.

it was scary, having someone worry about you. it means they cared. richie never truly comprehended why they cared. why eddie specifically cared. but it also felt good to have someone worry about him, outside of his mother, who, speaking of, gently placed a hand on his knee to stop its incessant movement.

richie wasnt the prime of schoolgirl crushes. he looked a little buggish: big eyes, thin limbs- clumsy and annoying. he wondered why eddie of all people gave him the time of day, and sometimes even more than that.

"richie toe-zee-air?"

the pair stood up despite mispronunciation.

-

richie was more than delighted to announce that his appointment was flawlessly average. everyone knows the deal: lie about how many fruits and veggies you consume, exaggerate how early you go to bed, deflect when the doctor asks if you've experienced any romantic or sexual attraction, count the inches of a growth spurt- no biggie.

"im sorry for, like, berating you earlier. i dont like doctors."

"i would hardly call what you did berating eds. it was your normal amount of neuroticism. dont sweat it"

there was a pause

eddie breaks the silence "i just worry sometimes"

ah, so it was confirmed.

"i know you do, eds."

-

"how do you know the word neuroticism?"

"heard my dad say it."

--------

age 25 - 2001

richie was back to tapping his foot on the linoleum of a waiting room. this time, alone, with no one to calm his fire-y energy. its not like he wanted the tapping to stop anyway. the repetitive motion helped ease the anticipation of getting scolded for letting himself go. this time not by a boy he couldnt catch the name of, but by a licensed professional.

he reasoned that he would rather hear it from the boy. what the hell was that shit bag's name?

this was the first appointment he had attended and organized since his pediatrician refused another after his 22nd birthday. she was already stretching the age limit of which he could visit (said extension curtesy of his dad being friends with medicinal people).

he figured it was time to move on with his life once snotty kids started giving him weird looks for fidgeting with the baby toys displayed near check-in. what says being an adult more than scheduling your own health appointments? richie answers that question by saying 'having to pay for them'.

richie's silent complaints are interrupted by a soft knock. a very typical, white-haired, doctor you'd see in movie, type of dude sauntered in.

"mr tozier, im dr sigman, how're we doin'?" he said, pumping obscene amounts of hand sanitizer.

richie replied automatically, "i'm doing pretty well, doc', how are you?"

as one can tell by the excruciatingly boring small talk, richie seemed to have lost his most palatable edge: quirky socialization.

"eh, my condition is not what's important here. how about you sit up on this here table and we can listen to your heart and lungs."

richie followed the instruction, heart rate increasing accordingly. the paper on the bench-table-thing crinkled far too loudly to be acceptable. maybe he was hungover. it would explain the heightened senses.

"so, according to your medical records, tozier, you haven't had an annual physical since- uh..." the man scanned his clipboard, "1998, correct?"

"that is correct, sir" his ears were aflame.

"mkay. you eat healthy?"

okay, then, they were getting right into it

"as healthy as i can, sir" what kind of fuckin answer was that?

dr sigman grimaced a bit, clearly knowing richies response meant his patient ate an apple every month or so to throw his body for a loop or, rather, 'reset' the ol' immune system. a shallow try at 'taking back your life' like some tabloid bullshit.

"you have a stable sleep schedule?"

richie shrugged with an "i guess" that conveyed that his average hours of sleep per night were as dreadful as his attempt at a balanced food pyramid plate.

"smoke or drink?"

now thats the million dollar question