#its a 4 am phone call
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everyone prioritizes their family and that means even extended chacha ke chacha fufa ke tau etc and i can't even prioritize my sagi one i hate myself
#and its not that they're bad or anything#but im such a people pleaser i feel validation from strangers is more important than family#its because maybe ive watched them too closely and nothing about them fascinates me anymore i know the pattern#and my fun is meeting new people cracking the code#but still#i hate that people will cut your calls leave your message unread kyunki aaj poora din bua mausi aaye the#wish i was that focused on my relatives#ill literally text call anyone even in a middle of a fucking apocalypse#idk yall should tell me if im doing something wrong do yall keep your phones away and forget to text your friends#but i can't focus one thing for too long i cannot physically see messages decking up and not reply#i hate this#do people simply not check. there phone as often or am i an addict#or have i still not learnt to be in the moment#and tomorrow night i leave for home and my friends have planned a meet up#now frn 1 comes to home for one month in her holidays so giving one day or even two days to friends doesn't matter#frn 2 lives in hometown so there's no problem but mind you if she comes she has to leave in 2 minutes because her mom calls every five#minutes just to get her back to home for nothing#frn 3 comes home same as me aka 4-5 days so giving 1 day to friends is parents saying tumhe hamse matlab nahi hai tyohaar mei bhi har baar#milne jaana hota hai#etc#but im home past 4 days ivd literally done nothing papa bhai se utni hi baat hui jitni phone par ho jaati hai#haan for mummy i spent time with her#but most of the time i was on tumblr or scrolling insta to kya hi matlab hua mere ghar aane ka#that means unhe bas meri physical presence chahiye#na ghar par bua aayi na mama na koi#lekin ab kal mujhe jaana hai to kal mama aa jaayenge#why are things this way
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i guess im being offered the job lol
#i didnt even have to interview????? here i was worrying about oh god going for an interview#but i guess not???#manager called me just now and was like hey i spoke w the people they want to know if you can start on these dates#like. okay???????#theres a week of training for me to do and then the following week id start at thee job#like an idiot as i was saying bye on the phone i only remembered then that i should have asked if it was PAID training ugh.#im assuming so . but maybe not. idk#im gonna call him back on monday to give my answer#this is it.... i may finally be free of the annoying people....#but like anything i have my trepidations. bc who know if itll work out#well thats life. as the song goes#fortunately im still within the timeframe to change the amount for my commuter benefits pretax card thing#bc the monthly pass id need for the new job#costs like less than half of what i pay now for the bus to ny#crazyyyyy. anyway i gotta do that if i decide to take the job#its more money (a little. but still more. ok its like a dollar and 4 cents more. which not a lot but still)#i get more sleepytime (always good) and im saving on commuting#plus ill only have to pay nj (and federal) taxes. instead of also paying ny yay. thats good#sorry again weighing the pros and cons onstage here#UH. what else#well a shorter commute is good but it means less reading/music listening time#although ive only resumed reading recently lol#idk. well then i could read at home and not worry about my books getting messed up#these past couple weeks ive been :( that the like 70-something year old paperback ive been taking is getting a bit rougher#only a little. but yesterday it got a bit wet bc my bag got soaked in the rain#why am i taking a super old book to work well i dont know what to tell you we have some old books#ok getting off topic. everything seems good about the new job so fuck dude i guess ill go for it#finally free of the stupid people here.... on to new stupid people (undoubtedly)#well it's probably all good then but unfortunately i always worry what if it isnt. hm
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heart of naberius (which lead rhinedottir to disappear and tell albedo to uncover the truth and meaning of this world, leaving behind one of the last extant manuscripts of the opus magnum) being similar to the chinese name for gnoses, 神之心 "heart of god" cannot be a coincidence, right? skirk also called the gnoses "remains of the third descender", objects of misfortune and referred to their smell as similar to a god's "curse". could the heart of naberius be connected to or be an actual part of the third descender?
#i'm more curious about how it ties with the magnum opus. gnosis and descenders being alike and aether being the name of an element#alchemy and its stages analagous to jungian psychology and the holy blade used for a ritual of piercing of the ego#the sword being able to undo merged wills (!!! big concept in teyvat)#kaeya's grandfather's sword#the overlap between the location the sword was found and the place referred by ann in the narzissenkreuz quest#the similarities of kaeya's grandfather's journey and the traveler's#also besides the 4 original alchemy stages there's others#one of them being called peacock's tail...#why would you do this to me when kaeya exists 😂#it's almost 3 am why am i thinking of this and writing twitter threads#get a hyperfixation in genshin lore it will be fun they said#< nobody said but my brain still did it and now i fill notebooks with stupid notes about pixels on my phone 😭#and still have shitty memory#i truly admire genshin lore theorists it could never be me with the brain of a fish
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i really fuckin hate my current roommate situation for multiple reasons. one of which is due to him deciding to quit her job immediately after i moved down here i had to be the only leaseholder with a secret roommate situation. and now. their gate system is changing and uses an app to open the gate with a verified occupant's phone number. fuuuuck im like banging my head against the wall
#ordinarily i wouldnt mind a secret roommate situation but its to the point with this guy that i have to handle everything on top of this#and he does not like me all the while. and it sucks so bad#this whole venture down here has been really chaotic and messed up#i cant imagine them ONLY using the app. like. what if my phone dies when im out and i live alone right?#i just gotta call them tomorrow and ask. but it just blows to have to worry about this#in the wake of them deciding to quit his job immediately after i moved in with her#like we talked about them quitting his job before i moved in but i didnt realize it'd be for..... so long. so long.#so long that i had to get us a new apartment that he didnt want to make any input in with#she just wanted me to handle it#and when i broke my foot and was homebound i had to move us both out and repair the previous place up#and after a few months of living here in the new place where we had plans to travel out together and make texas temporary....#she ghosted me for 4 months (WE LIVE TOGETHER?) and then went ''yeah i wasnt being fair to you this isnt working.. -#-i dont like your cats and didn't realize how much i valued living alone''#thanks. im being ditched here. what am i supposed to do now#sorry for always talking about this shit. its my current life situation rn. its not nearly as bad as i've been through but it just sucks
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#i got a new job finally but they're super weird about scheduling and its driving me up a wall#im apparently basically on call which i didnt realize would be the case when i applied#and so far they haven't called me and i only worked two days this week#its been 4 days off so far and they haven't called yet for tomorrow thats 5 days off in a row if they dont#what the fuck am i supposed to do about rent :)))))))#im too neurodivergent for this shit i need a schedule i need to know whats going on and they dont tell me anything#im absolutely losing my mind i think im more stressed out now than when i was looking for work for 3/4 months#the depression and anxiety is through the roof and growing and i don't know what the fuck to do with myself or this whole situation#i even called yesterday and was like uh??????????? Hello??????#all i was told was that they would call me#im so fuckin nauseous about all of this#im sick of waiting by the phone like a lost puppy wondering if im going to be working the next day#i cant live like this im at wits end#rambles
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Me logging into tumblr dot com on July 28th before watching the first episode of Good Omens season 2 was not a good idea for my mental, emotional and overall well being
#and first thing I come across is *that* scene and I have to shut my phone down#like I had to turn it off like I had to stop#I didn’t even go to the tag it was just in my feed and I should have known better but I went to the tag right after and EVERYTHING hurts#no puede estar pasando este sucessooooooo#I call this chapter of my life: pain and suffering. angst era#ALDKWWLLS FUCK ITS 4 AM I WILL NEED TO WATCH OT TOMORROW BUT AT WHAT COST I AM SO😀😀😀😀#mentally not here anymore#good omens
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every day i make plans to chill and have fun when the tasks are complete and every day the tasks take all day
#i keep meaning to set up my spotting scope and wait for wildlife bc its so nice and warm but the sun still sets at 4#anyway the tasks are self inflicted im anxious abt the phone call ive been waiting for 😞#the good news is my room is becoming clean and organized and useable and kitty proof finally#anyway i am once again waking up like okay after im done organizing my room i will have fun#yes it is taking days i had to assemble bookshelves yesterday and i still have boxes to unpack#it looks nice now and is mostly usable but there's still boxes#the phone call will be good if it comes btw im just stressed#its abt the kitty im trying to adopt#i haven't heard anything in five days but yesterday was a holiday and i think they only started processing the applications the day before#so 🙏🤞
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friendly reminder that if you wanna draw you should draw because I wanna see it and reblog it and eat it so it'll be with me forever
you MADE something!!! that straight up DIDNT exist before??? that's so incredibly metal and amazing and sick as fuck im so proud of you
#i dont care you 'skill level' or whatever nonsense#YOU DID THAT!!!#and my god you should be so proud because I am#i should get magnets to print out ppls art and put on my mini mini fridge that only holds like 4 cans of soda#but like esp if youre in you're 20s??? LATE 20'S???? PAST YOUR 20s???? HOLY SHIT IM SOO SO PROUD OF YOU#cuz its so so hard to get yourself to make and create after youre a kid or a teen#esp if you never really fostered that creativity as a young person#like you DID that you mADE that youre so so amazing#this also applies to writing and crafts and anything where you made something#like ive struggled for a long long time to like my art let alone want to make art but listen listen listen#everytime you make something it gets easier to make it again#you dont have to compare yourself you dont have to strive to draw like whoever#the secret is everyone wants their arts to look better or be better or easier even the really really talented professionals#we are learning creatures no one is perfect and its so so beautiful that that is a thing cuz like#i dont want to see beautiful rendered sistene chapel paintings everyday!!!#like theyre great and im in awe but i could be in awe and enjoying art jim bob down the street doodled on a bench#i see my partner doodle in my notebooks when they make phone calls and are on hold and i think its so beautiful#its just shapes but like they were there and they did that and I didnt? its beautiful and fun and reminds me they were there#you are here and im so glad you are because we get to enjoy things and create and love and just exist#life is hard and we created a society that can be so cynical and were so busy all the time#but i love us i love people i want so badly to love us all because we are different and dont always agree but we create and we exist#and i think thats enough at the end of the day. to just exist.#so you made a lil doodle? i want to see it because ive never seen it before and i think its so awesome genuinely that you did that#sucktacular sucks
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Sometime at work was telling me about his horror podcast to which I said hell yeah that's the kind of horror I like and I have now listened to an episode and unfortunately it bad
#pgatg#he. there were like 4 characters who spoke this episode#and I'm fine with subpar voice acting. but they all speak in exactly the same way#like a therapist who just cant get enough of a thesaurus#like buddy. what are you doing.#it also swaps between sounding like an official log/documentary about the event in question to a phone call to a diary entry#and maybe its just personal preference but i found the lack of consistency in the format kind of like. why#the main Horror Concept for this episode was also just.#space is big and empty. spaceship went missing. i am depressed because they died alone w/o comfort of friends and family on earth#years later spaceship drifted back. everyone killed themselves one by one out there. they dont think they were alone#and frankly that just dont do it for me
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keme my telephone booth girlie my telephone dial up twirl the phone cord girlie i love u so
#☼.txt#silhouette tag#he means SO much to me#first keme post on this new blog#& its a post that has so many layers#thinking about him asking for the other kids phone numbers in his class so he can call them on the landline#& hogging the phone from his sister & oh no gran gran this is ABSOLUTELY not a phone call for u it is for me#bc i am VERY popular duh.#thinking about him flying three four states over getting lost after kya abandons them#& exhausting himself of energy trying to find her & losing all sense of direction stumbling upon diner that#lets him use their phone to call home from across state lines bc what is this kid doing here all alone#thinking about him as an adult doing the same thing but with more sense of direction calling home to let his family know#he's safe he'll be home soon put a pot on for dinner love u <3#thinking other thoughts about kya & her disappearance but its like. 4 am & i dont wanna
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This has got to be the worst move out yet
#packing perils#student living#Uni shenanigans#ace is a mess#oh my god. okay so we start on Tuesday ive been gradually moving my stuff over to my friends house#cus were moving in together in September and shes staying in her place over the summer so well have everything in one place to move in#so take some stuff over to hers on tuesday before her shift then we walk to work together i collect her keys and say bye#go back to mine pack up some more stuff warned her i planned on doing 2 trips while she was working so start figuring out whats going#end up with two tote bags a crate a box and a large bag of boxes decide ill take the heavier tote bag and the box on the first trip#as i cant really carry much else with the box due to its awkward size even though its not particularly heavy and cut through the park to#shave off some time feel pretty good when i get there it wasnt unbareable esp after Saturday when carrying 4 heavy shopping bags ended up#covering me in bruises and scratches and messing my back shoulder and neck up so i feel like underestimated myself on this trip and like i#can take everything on the next trip well its already late in the day cus my mate does evening shift so by time i get back its half 9 so i#decide to cut through the park again to save time but the large shopping bag with my saucepans casserole dish etc is difficult to carry due#to how bulky it is and the crate tho it has handles is also unwieldy so my arms are being bruised and scratched up i cant waste time carryin#everything back home just to put one thing down at this point but im considering putting the biggest bag down in some overgrown plants in#the park speeding to my mates and coming back for it its a stupid and risky idea but its getting dark the sun is almost completely set and#no matter how often i rest i just cant manage it and my damn brain starts worrying about being murdered so i ditch the bag and i can move#much quicker now so rush to my mates and rush back reassure her as im leaving hers that i am bringin her keys back its just after 11 at this#point cus its over 35 minutes to get to hers i get back to the park in just over 20 my bag is still there! and i dont get attacked get my#stuff to her room then hustle to get to her job before she finishes at 12 get there a few minutes to spare shes not ready to go yet anyway#she tells me shes not comfortable with me walking back in the dark i should stay at hers i cant ive got an assignment so she says shes#walking me to mine then going to her boyfriends 5 mins down the road get back to mine shower have dinner and crank out my Wednesday 4pm#assignment by 7am go to bed get about 2 hours sleep before tge fire alarm is tested and then ive got to be up for a meeting with our new#landlord anyway and ofc its raining come back from our meeting grab food and start packing up some more sht get buses over to hers this time#together come back pack some more hope the rain dies down a bit but it doesnt look like its stopping and i somehow fcked my foot carrying#stuff earlier so she texts a coworker asking if they can pick us up they agree so organise a few more things but then a puddle causes their#car to break down the next bus is in over half hour so mate decides shes gonna run to her boyfriends to charge her phone while we wait for#the next bus to be due while shes gone i finish sorting things she then calls asks me to book a taxi cus the rain has only gotten worse when#taxi arrives realise that student accom is basically flooded deciding what to do while at hers cus the weather is unbareable she goes to get
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I have to make one phone call today and I have been putting it off for 5 hours now because I'm dreading it so bad
#i hate this#i hate this i hate this i hate this#its ONE phone call#it shouldnt be that hard#and the woman i talked to last time was nice??#why am i like this#i need to call them before the close at 4 and now its noon and im afraid of calling them because what if everyone is at lunch#I've been sitting at the table doom scrolling because every time i think about calling i get so nervous#i talk to people on the phone for a living making one call shouldnt be that hard#okay im done
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ok fine, i guess 4 am haĺf asleep conversations about gender are worth living for
#almost 4 hour phone call later and i feel wildly different#did not plan on coming out as gender ??? when the call started#not sure i planned on doing that. ever unless necessary#but life sure will throw curveballs#anyway its almost five am i should go to sleep#ks talks
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ive been not looking forward to going to work and ironically i think it’s because im NOT doing much work. bestie im fucking terminally bored. and when im not it’s just a little 🤏 bit excruciating
#we’re mainly trained on most of the tasks of the current receptionist. abt 3/4 thru in her own words#and most of it is just kinda tedious? its not hard#but she’s also not the best at training others and not very computer usage literate#like. im getting it and she’s a lovely person! i just got those background Fatigue Angers#but like a good 40% of like. tester afternoon and today has just been making small talk bc we’re *out of work*#i am going to be taking on more tasks than the previous receptionist BECAUSE my tech skills means i can go faster#but they’re not starting training THOSE until after she leaves next week#and like…….. bestie what the fuck are we gonna fill that week with#i dislike going to work bc i know it’s just gonna be Sitting There for 8 hours and like. i could better do that at home#but i CANT bc. yknow. maintaining a job n shit#and technically even just sitting here i AM doing important work bc i man the phone switchboard and im waiting for calls#anyway. tldr i am NOT getting enough enrichment here i have to be constantly doing Something or i die
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Wow! Here’s something incredibly personal.
This is Good Bi Gender. A comic I made to express some feelings I have about my gender. I don’t really have that much else to say about it. Here it is.
[Image Description: A digital comic made with sharp, angular abstract lines and only the colors white, blue, pink, and black. The featured character is all white, except for facial features and hair colors, which changes from panel to panel. The comic reads: Cover Panel: The text "Good Bi Gender", the words colored with the trans flag. It shows a glitchy person's face, half pink and half blue. Panel 1: White text reads: "Hello. My name is apparently irrelevant. And my pronouns are he/him and she/her. But you can't call me she/her. And here's why." Someone with a half-pink and half-blue shirt looks to the side. One eye is covered with hair, and the other eye is pink while the iris is blue.
Panel 2: The character sits happily, imagining facial hair and a masculine voice. "I don't want top surgery. I love my chest. And I dream about being on testosterone someday soon." The character looks at a phone, frowning. The phone shows the male symbol with an "X" through it. Text next to it reads: “People don't seem to think that the features I dream of are very pretty though... Or they think even worse of them than that…”
Panel 3: The character’s features are all pink, and sits in a blank frame. The character reaches over to a blue frame, frowning. “I don't like the animosity. I really despise it.” A photo of the character shows an all-blue frame and blue hair, with pink outlines and facial features. “To be a boy... I aspire to be one. I aspire to be masculine in all its handsomeness. All its prettiness.” Panel 4: The character sits in an all blue panel, but reaches back out to the pink panel. “And I'm still a girl too. I was so excited to have both. To love both. To have handsome femininity. Beautiful masculinity.” The frames break and connect, and pink and blue swirl together. The character smiles in between the frames, with one pink eye and one blue eye. “So excited. And yet I get asked…”
Panel 5: Two hands hold out two different pills to the character, one blue and one pink. They ask “Male? or Female?” using the male and female symbols.The character, facial features an array of pink and blue, looks between the two hands, distressed. “It's both! I'm both! They're not opposites. Not narrow boxes. I say I'm both despite the insistence that I can't be. And I know what I look like. I know I look like a girl to most. I know that if I say people can call me she, that's all I will get from most. Because it's "easier". It "makes more sense". To have my masculinity, I am often forced to be unflinching in it and it alone. To never use she. Because if I don't, I will never get to have he.” [The words "she" and "he" are italicized.] Panel 6: Text reads: “I'm still very happy to be so comfortable in my identity. To know, despite all that, that I am indeed a boy and a girl and both. But you know. Telling people to only use he/him for me. Guarding my masculinity all just to have it. All at the expense of the part of me who is happily and unashamedly a girl.” The character cries from one pink eye, the other hidden. The character holds a pink girl in a sea of blue, the girl crying out. In the midst of the blue, text reads: “Well, it fucking breaks her heart.” End ID]
Edit: @starberry-skies wrote an ID for the comic, so I added it to the og post with its permission!
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Dumping the start of the tags here cause tumblr has a tag limit of 30 :/ sorry op
Okay hold on
also more things I couldn't fit in. after cuddy bails out choreman chase gets assigned a bunch of clinic hours as Punishment TM. But mom-dad wilson (house is dad-mom) keeps him company till house gets angsty and comes to bail him out pick him up.
More I couldn't fit in at the end so I dumped here outta order:
wilson teahces the ducklings to paint since obvi house passed down his musical talents
rich kid chase got assigned clarinet at age 6. he's ok but has 0 heart. house jokingly points him towards a lyre in a music shop and he takes to it instantly. house go to tease him (baby angel lookin-) but chase looks so overjoyed and he says something like "look just like David played for Saul" so he melts on the spot (and convinces wilson to by him a kinnor so he doesn't know its his idea. he sings like a screeching alterboy tho)
I think cameron can sing but she's quiet and stumbles so she refuses to get formal training. she's tear rendering on a cello tho. surprisingly she can dj like all hell too. she had a wild college life before her 1st husband
foreman can sing smooth as silk. but he can't play an instrument to save his life (no patient for it). his dancing though? stage worthy. can be convinced to show off after a couple drinks.
Obsessed with the whole vibes of early season one of House. The ducklings have the energy of dysfunctional siblings along with their insane Vicodin-addict father. Wilson isn’t shown to have an office yet so he just lingers at House’s side while constantly and giving him fuck-me eyes. Wilson will just sit in on diagnoses and give his advice like he doesn’t have any responsibilities in the world. When the team needs to (illegally) shrink a patient’s tumor so it’s small enough to operate on, Wilson just says “alright” and does it along with Cameron. Chase does a silly American accent to fool a patient’s mother and it WORKS. Foreman is new and already despises everyone. House comments on how fuckable Wilson looks when Wilson is simply wearing a green tie and nice shoes. An old woman says that House has the same bedroom eyes as Ashton Kutcher. At one point the team, House, Wilson, and Cuddy all gather together in the small lab room to discuss a patient and are all basically brushing shoulders. Wilson reads a love poem out loud in the middle of the hospital to House. House eats tomato sauce that the team suspected was killing the patient. Wilson ditches his wife on Christmas Eve to go hang out with House and it shows a montage of them laughing and eating take-out. Cuddy greets House and Wilson by saying “hi, boys” like they’re kids. Foreman and Cameron are tasked to search a patient’s home and Foreman eats the ham he found in their fridge because he was hungry. The first scene with House shows him and Wilson walking down the hallway literally brushing hands and shoulders despite the hallway being huge. One of the first things Wilson does is lie to House. Wilson asks House — who rarely ever takes cases unless he finds them really interesting — to take a case and House just takes it. When asked why it was so easy, House just looks at Wilson with a smirk and says “you know why” and then they both smile at each other. This is all in the span of the first eight episodes.
#cameron watches the met gala with wilson and they make a tradition of judging the Shit outfits together (they both still suck at shopping)!#they still go shopping. but for silly obscure mugs! they make a death match outta it! foreman introduces them to ebay and decimates them!#it gets so bad house inlists amber to take them (wilson + cameron) shopping. somehow he and chase end up tagging along#chase and amber actually slay the house down. they are effective and vicious at shopping.#think crazy rich aunt who shows up once a month for a shopping spree therapy ses. and bad bitchin life advice. then you never see her again#later that night chase and foreman go out drinking. they have a bro moment get robbed and some how they're the ones who end up in jail#(probably for drunkenly disorder)#they get their phone call and chase is like noooo i cant tell mom and dad theylll be sooo disappointed in me :( (house is not)#foreman is like i gotchu bro and calls up cuddy at like 5 am. she brings rachel with her cause she cant be left alone yet#(its fine tho she was already up. kids r just Like That) she shows up eyebrow raised like 'Boys'.#foreman the lil shit points at chase straight face and says it was all his idea. his fault. tried to stop him but nooo he wouldnt listen 🙄#and since foreman is (canonically) cuddy's favourite she believes him.#thats how foreman gets brotherly revenge for chase always throwin the rest of the team under the bus and bein a lil snitch (affectionate)#chase regrets not calling cameron and facing her moral wrath for all of 5 mins. then they get to cuddys car#and chase lights up like a stage 4 cancer patient in a ct scan. cause rachel is in the car. and rachel ADORES foreman. finds him facinating#he's her new teddy. she asks him every question under the sun + leaves him covered in Child Stickiness. chase thinks this is an Opportunity#but plot twist foreman is great with kids. he listens and answers and gives fun neuro facts. rach makes the 😮 face kids make till shes 13.#she gets in trouble @school for diagnosing kids w/ stuff (mostly true) but her teacher is so confused about this kids family she just 👋#foreman always makes time for Rachel between cases holidays etc. and bring your kid to work day is right after her birthday.#so she goes every year spends the day in the teams or wilson's office. sitting in foremans lap until she just kicks him off and steals it.#also she has a height chart in foreman's Dark Shadowy Corner that she updates every year and everybody must Write A Note every year#on the flip side she hits chameron with the double 'why are you both blonde. sad.' and they both die of humiliation.#everyone thinks rachel'll take after foreman when she shows interest in medicine. she does. in a way. she goes into psychology :)#when she announces this (either in the clinic or in an ambulance over some guy who collapsed) house (who with wilson + cuddy coparent rach)#has what'll become known as The Great House Swoon of 2026 when rachel hits 18 yes i did math. he's fine tho. what's the logic behind this?#what season is it in? shhh no :) as a gift 4 college wilson gives rachel the dime she swallowed as a baby gold plated on a chain cause well#house md#gay dads hilson#h/w/c#the og ducklings
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