#its THEM. i thibk about them Constantly
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one of the prev posts I was like oh cql? on the url and they WERE cql...but their top tag was...bad....but I don't even have the energy to refute their nonsensical arguments for it because like that's not what shipping really is about but also THEY REALLY THINK JC IS *THE ONE* TO MAKE WWX HAPPY AND LWJ IS BORING???? incest aside like jc makes wwx MISERABLE jfc canonically yeah lwj does make wwx happy and jc is left miserable and alone due to the consequenves of his actions including actively tormenting and mocking and humiliating and trying to kill wwx. go die mad about it 😭
#like 'wow their love for each other is so crazy and all-consuming its insane to thibk some boring lan cultivator could do that for him'#WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!!!!! their relationship is so unhealthy and marred by debt and obligations in the FIRST PLACE#and even without that yeah there's love there but they also just don't see eye to eye on so many things and jc actively impedes#wwx in things he wants or believes in and also treats him like shit like this is fully a sector of the fanbase who are just making things u#in their own head to enjoy#which would be mildly annoying if not for the fact that it's 1. INCEST#and 2. between two characters with THAT kind of history. wwx needs someone he can like...trust..#okay I guess I donhave the energy. I'm less angry at them calling lwj boring. yeah he is kind of boring but that's fine#wwx canonically doesn't think so and canonically is very happy w him#these bitches think his arguably abusive extremely immature and volatile pseudo-brother who tortured and tried to kill him is BETTER FOR HI#?????? brother jc is not better for ANYONE. there's loving someone and there's wanting to be around them and shit. like there's so much#history there it's lucky if they can even be friends again#like 🤢🤢🤢 what the fuck are you on. the narrative was pretty clear. media comprehension -100000#I don't even think this person is unintelligent or anything they just have incredibly bad and nonsensical taste#or at least used to. idk how old those posts were I fully admit#wwx with anyone besides lwj is a hard sell but jc is beyond insane for multiple reasons#even if you 'don't see them as brothers' which is an interpretation I guess they still have a horrible relationship#and jc makes wwx feel terrible bc he has a bad personality and blames wwx for all the most painful things that happened to him and he lashe#out constantly. like he canonically makes wwx miserable and forces him to prioritize jcs own emotional and physical needs. by the end he's#a little better. but he's also not the moral beacon wwx gravitates towards. he's pragmatic and callous#wwx NEEDS someone he can trust someone who shares his principles someone who will take care of him and not demand him to crush inconvenient#parts of himself and play nice. to cater to someone else's feelings#like...structurally they're so well matched this post was insane I hate c/x shippers so much 😭#cor.txt
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hav a good sleep and good luck spending money !!!!!!!
okay okay i might have mentioned this to you before but because there's already the foot clam and then rise added the council of heads i think it would be rlly funny if all the different hidden city/yokai related 'factions' were named after different body parts especially the. the arms dealers. so like a lot of these gangs are joining together after the kraang left the hidden city a little bit shaken up theyre unifying they may even have the beginnings of stronger tech
so the hamatos are stretched pretty thin they're getting worn down on all sides and big mama js a very prominent antagonistic force on the day to day bc shes taken to having grunts film their fights with the various gangs to hold over her audience between nexus fights as rise in technology means alternate means of entertainment means less buisness for her. or something i actually hadn't thought of the details of big mama before typing this out but they confront her and she ends up injuring either raph or april haven't decided yet
tension is high around the lair bc no one has really had time to recover emotionally from the kraang and they're out fighting constantly (casey is actually p normal about it bc all he knows is fighting. casey needs therapy probably) so like they're all pissy they're all one bad day away from snapping
getting heavy inspo from the donnie betrayal arc from the idw comics my best friend the idw comics donnie thinks that forging an alliance with big mama is the only way they'll get the upper hand. leo is like violently against this because raph/aprils wounds are still fresh literally and figuratively and he absolutely does not want donnie giving his resources to whats in his eyes enemy #1. donnie disagrees and thinks that her influence in the hidden city and ability to find people and know when fights are happening would be really useful leo orders donnie to stand down (leader moment!!! so proud of him) but donnie refuses point blank. things escalate when donnie reveals hes already spoken to big mama and they've worked out a deal and it turns into a family wide argument
leos side is raph (im leaning toward raph for injury reciever i think. i just feel bad fridging him after the movie already did) april (april donnie fight!!! i also just dont think she would trust big mama) and like most of the 1-2 time appearance side characters. maybe casey sr too? but i could see her hoping mama can like get normaler because that's what she did. what are your thoughts on this
donnies side is mikey (who loves a redemption arc and wants to look out for donnie) casey jr (he probably knew mama in the future when there was literally no choice but to be allies) and draxum (dont get me wrong he HATES big mama but he agrees with donnie that shes useful to them + he likes mikey best) also todd. he gives them lemonade
splinter is probably more of a mediator than anything he would love for his ex almost fiance to decide to turn to good but he wants to trust the judgement of his eldest and the son he made leader so he stays with them and lets draxum watch donnie mikey and the gang
so donnie and mikey (+ co maybe) take up temporary residence in the hidden city probably in the battle nexus hotel. haven't decided if one of them has to fight in the nexus but it would be neat
they also 100% meet big mamas assistant who was very heavily implied in the show to be a turtle that was left in the lab and captured by big mama. it is venus she shows them secrets and shit and is like plot relevant and stuff
tagst mostly what ive got in my little brain so far im bad at wrapping things up so im not really sure how that would go yet. i do thibk its really funny that like half of donnies side are looking at big mama like omg i could fix her and he is telling them to shut the fuck up and draxum is solemnly nodding in the bg
OH HOLY SHIT I LOVE HTAT. I LOVE THAT SO MUCH
I think Cass/Casey Sr would be against Big Mama but only because one of the turtles would've told her about what she put them through and she'd be like AH! A WORTHY OPPONENT! BUT AN OPPONENT NONETHELESS!
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I wish i had someone to talk to about anything
Butttt
Imm too judgemental
Its very easy for me to take things literally
Im gullible
I wouldnt make a good friend
When i still talked to them, it was very difficult for me to enter tjeir convos
I felt scared to start convos first
I didnt like asking to play or do smtg
I was scared they’d say no or id come off as annoying
Im not in the best mental state
I had some animosity towards them that i know tjey dont deserve and i was just seeing thru the lenses of my insecurities
I believed they deserve to be friends witj someone better
I didnt deserve their kindness and i didnt want to become the subject of their hate if they ever found out about it all
so i left because i reached the conclusion that before they kicked me out i should just leave
Sometimes i think about logging back in just to see what they had to say
I saw the messages coming in i just chose to ignore them
But even if it were to be all resolved i know ill just go back to being constantly anxious constantly worried about how they viewed me and if i said the wrong things
I kbow im not funny and i can come off as childish
I woildnt feel okay
So in a way im glad i have no one to talk to
I dont like being or feeling that way
I dont have to worry about what the people i care about thinks about me because thwre is no one
I dokt have to worry about others finding iut who i really am what i truly thibk and how i act
I dont have to worry about what would happened if they left or confrronted me about all the things ive said knowing i am in the wrong and a lame excuse such as “i wasnt in the right mindset” couldn’t cut it
I have no excuse and i know i would be judged even more for that reason
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Streatney+, you agree
I agree so so so so so much
#its THEM. i thibk about them Constantly#its all just so deeply tragic#the way i wish so many of the things thst had happened hadnt happened#and yet very rarely can you actually fault anyone#and most pf the time when you can its all andrias‘ fault#like. when leif gets betweel strength and heart. awful. the start of the end. imagine what could have been if she hadnt#but at the same time. thats a perfectly readonable and fine boundary for her to have. shes allowed to have those boundaries as much as anyon#as anyone else.#nobody in that situation is at fault. its just a shitty situation.#leif (reasonably) expressed a boundary. heart (also reasonably) gets upset and tries ro deal with it in the only way they know how#and then every bullshit What The Fuck Heart thing they do is traced back to andrias. because how are they supposed to know any better#sure they’re incredibly smart but when all the things theyre learning come from *him*. when hes the ONLY person theyre learning from….#sorry bestie i turned ur streartney+ post into heart angst THEM#AND THE WAY WITNEY GETS TREATED SOBS#everyone is SO mean to her for NO reason. dhes just baby guys how xould they be mean to her shes so BABY#HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#you know in a way i think witney is sadder than heart because of like. like sure heart has never experinces happiness before but.#because witney HAS. that means she has something to compare the pain and misery to. she knows what shes missing out on where heart doesnt#THEYRE SO TRAGIC BESTIE IT IS 9AM I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THIS#Tree Man Posts#asks#wjh#streartney+#funniest ship name ever tbh#like oh you wanna add an extra person to your ship? but cant add their name in? boy have i got the product for you… PLUS SIGN
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the real ending of yugioh should have been atem realizing, based on things he learned from yugi and the gang, that his empire, and specifically how he personally ruled, was corrupt and fucked up and that in order to rule with the kind heart that yugi gave him he had to actually do the reparations thing? and not kill the only living victim of a genocide? and also maybe NOT telling the only living victim of a genocide that he was able to defeat him because atem had friends and family on his side??? like u think maybe there's a reason?? why the only living victim of a genocide??? has no friends or family???? think maybe there's something so fucked up about saying something like that to him?????
#oh boy. im just realizing i have. a LOT of feelings about millennium world.#also its so fucked up that they tried to justify the genocide of kul elna by saying#'well its ok cuz we did research on this place and turns out! everyone in kul elna was actually evil! no moral dilemma here anymore yaaay!!'#like u think ur research might have been. a little biased maybe 🥴#like i wonder why poor people who are shunned by their kingdom commit crimes 🤔#youd thibk they were desperate to survive in a world that constantly turns their backs on them 😂😂😂#but thats cant be the case cuz WE - the upperclass people that run the country in the lap of luxury - dont need to do that? they must b evil#yugioh#lee says shit#thief king bakura#millennium world
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i thibk if silly tumble was a tv show or something and we were all fictional characters i think me and kid woul dbe constantly fighting guy0509 and reaper (stinky ashe likers) and we would constantly get into violent altercations about claire and noel and ashe while maddie and sumi and nyx and coco and everyone watch and theyre all scared and frightened for their life and then maddie is like its okay they do this all the time and then they all watch joker together
and then kid and reaper eventually join and watch joker with them but me and guy0509 are still violently fighting and then people would be like omg #siblinggoals sofunny haha and then people would pick sides and guy0509 would be like the ashe bradley where you either love them or hate them and kid and maddie would be the besties and everyone would be like omg i want a bestie like maddie or i want a bestie like kid and also reaper and i would constantly be in an enemyship and we would be like wilashe or joker and batman and people would be like “homo????????” and then we would murder each other and then be besties 2 seconds later
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for the character ask .. mickey dr who … :]
YES YES THANK YOU (DROPS AN ESSAY)
How I feel about this character: i'll defend mickey to the fucking grave. both the show and so much of the fanbase do him a GREAT disservice.... rtd era is, like, my favourite era of doctor who - but it treated its black companions like fucking dirt, and sooo much of the fandom also just follows suit in that sentiment it STINKS -_-. ive seen ppl call him abusive, baselessly- and its like... im sorry, but when and where?
he was a shitty boyfriend at the beginning of the series, that's true. but he was just up his own arse in a way where its like... yah, sucks, but a lot of ppl are at that age. and besides, rose wasnt so great to him either - jesus, i'd insist she never DOES start to treat him with respect onscreen. but, like, in s1 they were both, like, 19... and theres a lot of ppl who havent rlly figured stuff out properly either and arent in totally sparkling relationships. i think its rlly weird how they take his scenes from the beginning of s1e1, and just characterise him as an utter jerk bc of that.
and its also, like- like ALL of that aside i think its why i like him a lot as a character. he does actually go through quite a fucking lot, yknow? and unlike the mainstay companions, its something heclearly did not want at the beginning. like a lot of them CHOSE to live life tangential to the doctor- he was just kinda dragged into it despite being v fucking terrified, which is truthfully quite fair yah.but by the end of his tenure on the show hes completely different!? and like- dont get me wrong, i LOVE all arcs on the show regarding companions, and what they bring but... there's something abt that, that i just really do admire a lot. i feel like changing, like, your very nature- that's so much more? and again this- IM NOT TRYING TO SHIT ON ROSE... I SWEAR I AM NOT. bc i do love rose- i just think the show itself did revere her in this sort of way. which, hey! makes sense for it to do- whilst its not inherently from the doctor's perspective, it was very much their story being told a lot of the time, so it does make a lot of sense... but again like i said before.
i feel like rose never did end up respecting mickey and in turn it feels like she gets a lot more applause for a lot... less? same happened to poor fucking martha. but again uh. thats going back to the thing abt rtd era who kinda disrespecting black companions, and writing them BOTH in positions where they're second fiddle to the main romance and constantly putting them down / comparing them to it in the process.
. and god- backtracking a bit, im so glad they did what they did with him in s2. like thats such a defining moment where its like my little king rlly has changed... where he sat down and CHOSE to stay in the parallel universe to fight like GODDD. (screams and punches the ground) like i eat that shit up like MAD... like are you KIDDING me. (starts ripping shit apart) bc he didnt have anyone... sniff sniff. he didnt have anyone so he just left and he went somewhere where he DID have people.
All the people I ship romantically with this character FUNNILY ENOUGH? i dont rlly ship anyone with him. i mean- i like people entertaining the foursome 9/rose/jack/mickey idea. so true besties- im not trying to be a hater, but they all had so much more chemistry in boom town alone than the fam from chibnalls era ever rlly managed to get to. that being said, i think if you're like.... actually taking that FURTHER-furhter, whilst i thibk their dynamic is sweet and like. it does work in that episode i dont really run with it in, like, seriousness just bc of how it doesnt work so much within the context of the show- its moreso a cute little insight into a different reality...
and then, i know he ends up with martha (ambiguously?) but eh!! im not against it- i just feel like it was an odd, "lets just stick them both together" even though martha already had like a guy they mentioned she was engaged to and whatever... it was really weird??? I MEAN- like i think they have A LOT of similarities when it comes to wht i was saying above with the doctor... but i think thats where their dynamic sort of ends for me, with what they have? which isnt to say they'd suck together- maybe if we got to see them, i could really come to like it (i could see them being cute, and having nice back and forth!) but instead ive always been a little... ambivalent, i suppose, bc the thought of them dating just bc of their odd dynamic witrh the doctor feels... counter to what their own personal journeys were, if that makes sense? yeah<3
what i will say, bc i love to bring it up every time. the fact that rickey, his parallel universe self, was canonically dating jake (who: sorry to insert this, but hiii- that's my uncle's ex, not to brag... smirk) was confirmed in a DELETED SCENE still makes me furious like PUT IT IN. PUT IT BACK IN. that's also why i think mickey is confirmed not straight. <3 (though i dont ship MICKEY-mickey with jake, bc i think that's a little... :( after what happened to rickey like noo but i think he'd be an important person in his life after the fact)
My non-romantic OTP for this character also going back to the 9/rose/jack/mickey dynamic. i think it works really good friendship wise, too. in any sort of combination- both rose and mickey, jack and mickey, 9 and mickey.... i think again its a thing more out of the context of the show. rose and mickey especially- though i suppose they'd definitely work as better friends and closer, post canon.
ODDLY enough i dont rlly like 10 and mickey being friends bc i feel like their interactions in the show always felt weirdly ... cruel? in a way 9s never were. or maybe thats me. like- 9 was a bit of a dick but that was just him. 10 was, like, specifically more cruel to mickey it always felt like. and eh thats not a vibe for me personally.
My unpopular opinion about this character honestly everything i said about him being disrespected. i still see so much shit about him it sucks.
One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon
i think (waves hand at above) everything like... regarding just tweaks with scenes with him, all over the place. ultimately i want the show to do right by him, yknow? and thats vague as hell, but yeah. i think you can kinda guess wht i mean abt that from my first ramble. just stuff to round him out bc i do think he is so underrated.
and if it werent for the parallel universe part.... i'd have liked to see him come back, actually. i never liked how moffat hard reset everything and refused to let different companions meet. i get why you might want that as a showrunner (and funnily enough: i dont think chibnall handled jack THAT well in all honesty) but he is a type that i do think, with martha, could have made more returns. AND UHM- ALSO, THAT IS.... I AM TALKING EXCLUSIVELY ABOUT HIS CHARACTER HERE. i dont want him to actually be brought back any more after all the crap that happened with noel- no duh...
and also. hell. i would have loved to have seen him join torchwood, back when it was airing... i think he'd fit in really nicely and couldhave rounded out the team in a fun way.
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What are the prompts/ideas that motivate you to write? Do you prefer angst or fluff or crack? How much worldbuilding do you usually put into your works? (P.S. I love your works!)
1. For me, the motivation to write comes from a few places. The main places I get my ideas from are from creating worlds with friends. We create a simple idea, which through back and forth conversations we build upon and make something ALIVE
And then the idea of turning that into a physical story becomes not just about making my world a reality but OUR world. Thats why orphan squad is such an important original story to me.
Another idea that motivates me is creativity, i love the idea of getting to show others the ideas that can come from my mind and trying to make something someone can read and think "wow this is rewlly special and unique"
And finally motivation comes from the idea of creating community through my work.
Ghau is a mix of all 3
2. I think its fair to say that i prefer angst, but with a healthy balance of fluff. I always thibk that fluff is more satisfying after angst, and angst is more impactful after fluff. I hope to use tone shifts to really make my scenes stand out!
I dont tend to enjoy crack as much (both reading and writing)
3. A LOT. in fact for all my major works im STILL world building. It is my favorite part. There are so many details to my worlds that wouldnt even present themselves in canon, but i just truly adore fleshing out my stories and creating a home through them. Its hard to quantify how much worldbuilding I do, but I spend quite a lot of time making big and small changes to my stories and trying alternative scenes and dialouges and endings. Im constantly daydreaming to them, and constantly seeing my ideas in music. And thats fantastic, because it means im passionate and the most important thing to writing is love.
And finally...thank you so much for liking my works! It geniunely means a lot to me to hear that loved, i hope to keep creating quality content that you can enjoy
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Actually wait no come back and talk about nureyev I love him so much and I might expire if you don’t. What are your thoughts about the new ep with his backstory. Any thoughts on where it might go. Any THEORIES about him. Any thoughts about his motivations!! Any other thoughts you want to share about him!!! Please I’m withering away no one ever posts in the tpp tag anymore I need to be FED
OKAY SEE RIGHT . i am not fully caught up i have to be honest with you ive only heard secondhand things im still on season three i just make jokes about him betraying the crew because i think its funny keep in mind for all of these im only Just starting tools of rust if any of this is contradicted or confirmed later lmk that im being stupid ..... BUT !!!!! one theory i have about him is that like . so i think its pretty well understood that the reason nureyev's relationship to buddy is SO much more strained than everyone else is because she reminds him of mag right. the symbolism there is pretty heavy-handed she calls him by the nickname that we've only heard mag call him at that point in the narrative (and then immediately afterwards tells juno not to call him that because only people who are trying to parent him do), he talks about how he hasn't felt like someone has pledged to keep him safe the way buddy has since mag, buddy and mag hold many parallels especially in their relationship to nureyev (mentor-like thief who nureyev looks up to who has inserted themself into his life as a parental figure who gives some form of tough love) blah blah blah i dont need to go into that much depth into this because man in glass makes it pretty clear . but another reason i think he detaches himself from buddy and (as the wiki puts it) is "the problem child" is because he doesnt want to be the favorite child again. which is not to say that nureyev doesn't want to be the best - because he does! he very much does, nureyev has an ego throughout his arc that, while to some degree a front, is still very much present. he sees himself as so good at what he does that he doesn't need to have any support anymore despite consciously knowing that a team can be useful, he puts a lot of effort into presenting himself in a flawless manner and he does truly believe that this is achievable. while it may not come naturally, if he plans everything out to the letter, he is just that good that it'll go to plan. he does see himself as incredibly good (or at least trying to be), and to a degree he does want these achievements to be recognized - but being the best is not the same as being someones favorite. to be a favorite you have to be their favorite, to be something tangible and possessed, and nureyev loathes that - like he says in season one, he is the person who disappears, not vice versa. he constantly cycles through personas, not even using the same concept twice let alone the same name despite newlyweds being incredibly common, and nobody can get attached to him. if he is someones's favorite, he is someone's, and that gives them an in to that layer of vulnerability he hasn't granted since mag. plus i think some lines from the new ep lean into this but idk i havent listened lol maybe this is all disproven . but anyway thats my rhoughts on him hehe he lives in my brain i an ALWAYS happy to talk about him . AND A THOUGHT I HAVE TO SHARE ON HIM !!!!!! is that i thibk the way he names his aliases is cute and silly . "duke rose" "rex glass" theyre such dramatic names . he ssi silly
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thoughts on Juri and Shiori?
ohhh so many thoughts about them but none of them are coherent... i just.
i see a lot of myself in juri i thibk
i think i just. like them a lot. its one of the more interesting parts of the show to me too. like how they handle it .. aaaoiurugh...
just! juri and shiori!!! the one phrase i constantly use to describe them is requited unrequited love and it makes sense for them... i just hope theyre happy when they get out... i love em so much
my little internalized homophobia girls i love you both so much youll go to a pride parade soon oh actually i have a drawing abt this well its a drawing based ona tumblr post but i cant remmebwr who posted it
here it is
umm ill try to find the post and reblog it after this anyway this was my first piece of juriori fanart
god idk. juri and shiori. i think you both want your miracle to happen someday.. and it will if you just talked to each other.. i will provably write more thoughts about them later bc i have literally nothing except them spinning around in my head with no thoughts around.... i just love them ... and relate to them .... im a juri kinnie... jfnfnsnfnnsns
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this is about gender stuff again btw so like. a continuation of the anon I got the other day
man I've been thinking a lot about this kind of shit and hhh. I mentioned before I hate having to think about it because I hate that its even a problem to begin with. I hate that its an issue and I hate how much it complicates my life and how I view myself and my place in society and interpersonal relationships but sometimes I just cannot get it off my mind. sometimes things just happen during the day and someone will say something entirely innocent and harmless and it'll just stand out to me and I'll internally wince and think "no, actually, I disagree". today one of my roommates and I were going to her campus together so she could use their computers for an assignment and when she thought it would just be the two of us she made a comment like "it'll just be the girls" and it was so innocent and so harmless and it wasn't anything at all but as soon as she said that I was like
n......no
I mean I didn't say anything out loud obviously, I didn't say anything at all but I realized like. I really do not like being seen as a female. I don't like it when my friends call me a straight girl (I'm not even straight, they say it as an admittedly funny joke because I'm female bodied and constantly talking about male celebrities and shit but the Implication that it would make me straight I find disagreeable) and I just. I own a binder but I don't wear it a lot because it hurts my chest since I have massive fucking hangers but I've been feeling weird lately and when I wore it, even if you could tell I was binding, I felt so much fucking better
I thibk for the longest time I didn't really let myself explore this because I told myself I couldn't. I feel I've mentioned it briefly but I bad this one abusive ex who launched me into a really deep depression for a few years that I'm still recovering from and I basically stopped trying to really live my life for a long time and I stopped engaging in a lot of things that made me happy. one thing she'd say to me was constantly imply I was trans and that it was okay if I wanted to transition, and I hated when she would do that because 1. she was constantly saying things I wanted or did were okay only to instantly turn around and get mad at me for doing them (there was a major instance of this that actually led to us breaking up) and 2. if I'm telling you repeatedly that I don't feel that applies to me please understand. I know I mentioned last time that I've always called myself a woman but there were actually a few periods of time when I was younger where I did want to be seen as a boy or a man but I always got talked out of it by people who told me that wasn't how I Really felt
I still feel like i don't really have any options because I don't know how far I'd want to transition if I even did want to transition or how I would tell my family what was happening if I got top surgery (which I genuinely think I want no matter what, even if I didn't transition) or went on hrt because my dad didn't even know i was into women until like 5 years ago and he just assumed it because of the people he saw me hanging out with. I also want to go into teaching and I know that probably wouldn't go very well with maintaining job security for a number of reasons and it just like. even if being a woman doesn't directly dictate the life I'm living, it feels like that sort of identity is still a major part of my relationships with people
I dont really know what I want or how far I wanna take things but I think it's safe to say I really don't want to be a woman and I hate feeling like I have to view myself as one. when I get to be masculine or like I don't have to present or behave in a feminine way at all I feel so much better. I still tried to hold onto the idea that its not that complicated and that I'm still cis by thinking I was butch, or maybe even just a lesbian (still working on that one) but no i really don't think I'm a woman at all and thats as far as I've gotten with this lol
#if anyone has any feedback its totally fine you can give whatever input or comment you want#like I say this is personal and its just bc its a lot of information about who runs this blog and not that its particularly sensitive
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So, here's the big question: How do you thibk various RWBY characters react to and interact with Superman? Not just the main teams, but anyone you think would be interesting: supporting cast, antagonists etc.
(Not Superman but the only remotely professional-looking DC/RWBY art I could find. Since, oddly, this is actually an official poster?)
That’s an interesting question, because much more than when I was previously asked what Superman meeting the Kingdom Hearts leads would look like, making that happen would require navigating that RWBY and the DC universe are built around entirely different storytelling engines. For the average superhero, they’re the masters of their domains so to speak - Batman watches over Gotham, Green Lantern oversees Sector 2814, and so forth. They protect their territory from threats within and without with consistent effectiveness, and as such their capabilities are scaled up appropriately so as to be able to plausibly face off successively greater threats. RWBY however past the setup of the first few seasons is a quest, and for that quest to be constantly filled with peril and be of any length, there’s a degree of necessary vulnerability. Hunters are absolutely super, but they have to fight to survive against essentially wild animals, and trekking across a world that’s already mapped-out and filled with assorted advanced civilizations still takes months. That’s what they’re built around: they have a journey to grow across the duration of, whereas superheroes by and large have established base personalities and concerns with the challenge of the story being to find new nuances to dig out of them. Have RWBY and JNPR graduate Beacon without incident and start functioning on basically superheroic terms as Hunters (i.e. they have a base of operations and a clearly-delineated ongoing task) you either start telling a totally different kind of story with them or they remain basically static; put a superhero on a quest and it’s typically gonna be a single story arc where you have to contrive some sort of special circumstance, as in the recent Superman: Up In The Sky where he’s solving a mystery with almost no leads spanning the entire universe, to justify why they aren’t doing at least the ‘journey’ part of this instantly.
(Kingdom Hearts is something of an exception since I brought that up: they’re on a quest, but it and therefore their capabilities are so mythically scaled-up and abstracted, and the heroes’ goals on any given world are superheroey enough, that them meshing with DC or Marvel wouldn’t have the same practical or narrative complications.)
Therefore, if Superman and RWBY met - and I realize this was just a character-interaction question, but the first character interaction past confused introductions would probably be ‘hey, can you help out?’ - on Remnant, the only way Superman doesn’t just take half a second to dash over to Salem and yeet her into orbit so she can take a metaphorical deep breath and rethink her decisions is if they mention the Brothers and he flies into space to sort them out first. And if RWBY ends up on Earth DC, I see there’s a sizable and popular fanfic titled Hunters of Justice exploring that very possibility, and at a glance I’m not surprised to see they apparently mostly hang out with the Bat-Family and the Teen Titans rather than Superman or the Justice League; besides their popularity, that’s much more the scale they tend to operate on as opposed to battling alien armies and mad gods. The latter obviously opens plenty of story possibilities in a way the former doesn’t, but either way they’re not going to be in a position to chat much with Superman beyond “Wow, you’re a superhero!” + “I like your cape!” + “Keep up the good work!/You too!”
Fortunately however, there’s a preexisting mode with Superman that not only largely circumvents these concerns, but opens up avenues all its own.
However you might contrive to put Superman on a t-shirt and jeans level again it not only puts him on a ‘power level’ comparable to the RWBY crew that means they could hang out and work together for a bit, it adds a complication that would deflate his aura of Superman-ness for awhile that might otherwise bar them interacting as equals: they would have every reason to think he’s just a crazy guy. Dude shows up in a weird shirt saying he’s an alien superhero from a parallel dimension and he needs their help to get home? Sure, he’s got some kind of strength Semblance that’s pronounced even by Yang and Nora’s standards, and that cape he carries with him is tough, but not even Ozpin’s fairy tales matched up against the yarns this man is trying to spin. Yet as they get to know him while trekking across Remnant, he sure seems to have the goods as a hero, and there are moments - the times he, as Wally West once said, smiles that one smile that reminds you he’s not really from here - where they really have to ask themselves if he’s the deluded fanboy who might get them all killed all logic screams he must be, or if as impossible as it may seem, he might just really be the miracle they need to give them a fighting chance.
As for the character interactions that would crop up, there are some obvious ones to be had with Ruby and farmboy Oscar, and he’d probably find Weiss, Ren, and Qrow each reminding him a bit of Bruce in their own ways. The main character I think he’d really hit it off though is actually Blake if he ever learned about her bow: that was essentially Clark Kenting, and there’d likely be a whole discussion to be had between them on the cultures they come from, their different relationships to them, passing, their commitments to justice, and being really into cocky adventurous women who don’t take any shit and have complicated relationships with their parents.
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I am in new hous i am dying when will the strese end
Almostalmost almost done almost sleep
Just need to install oven and washing machine andiamSO LUCKY the moving van guy also knows diy and he said he'd help do it for free but im giving him extra money anyway and im forcing him to take it and also i bought him an easter egg.i was like WE ARE GOBNA DRIVE TO STORE AND IM BUY U EASTER EGG U GODDAMB SAINT
I am so fuckin tired
Im also now fuckin broke but at least i apologised to that poor guy for the hectic mess this whole experience has been
Apologized with easter egg
Also the neighbour gets an easter egg
I HAVE A NICE NEIGHBOUR FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!! Like in the movies!! A neighbour who says hi and welcome and helps you with moving big furnitures because he is just that kind and amazing. And i told him i was like 'wow neighbours like this really exist?' andhe was so shocked i hadnt had a nice neighbour before. So i told him about the weird neighbours blasting maximum volume christian rock music at 3am and he was like What. Anyway i hope we canbe friends!! I wanna buy him an easter egg every year now cos he was very touched and said it made him nostalgic for his childhood
I wish i could afford to give easter eggs to everyone in this building aaaa!! Its gonna be so interesting being part of an apartment complex instead of just a single apartment. Theres 130 of them here! The place is so big that it has two postcodes! And they have a friendly grandma enforcing the rules and lurking in the shadows to guard us from evil! And a RUBBISH CHUTE!!! YOU PUT IT IN THE WALL ANS IT GOES ZOOM!! thats so cool and conveinient i was worried itd suck to carry bags down all the stairs and stuff. I wanna know where the end of it is so i can see all the trash going zoom!!!
Also there are SO MANY shops nearby i am finally free of the hell of The One Shop Town tho i feel a lil sad it happened only a few months after a second shop opened. Thank you, small library/coffee shop! You saved me from the utter boredom of St Mellons life!
Oh also this place is called Riverside cos its near the side of the millenium stadium with the bridge and the sea and stuff. So its super close to Town! The capital shopping centre of the capital of the country, so omnipresent as the centre of everything that 'going to town' has become Only This and every other town must be specified. Also its actually a city but noone cares. Anyway its the closest thing we have to a remotely america esque busy shopping area and i grew up around there so i cant stand the food deserts out in the less commercial districts. Like i have NO CLUE why st mellons is so empty, its not even technically in the countryside yet, and its so damn populated that everything is a fuckin maze of houses and the bus routes take an hour to get out. Youd thibk itd make sense to have more than one damn shop!!
Aaa there are SO MANY SHOP U GUYZ!! Im so tired but i also wanna go explore shoppppp
And theres loads of restaurants so thats a goal for the future once im more financially stable again. Lots of nice places to try and itd help me work on my anxiety of restauranting. (I still do not know why 'you eat a thing but someones watching' is such a big scare. My brain no logic!)
So anyway the place is great and everything is gonna be great BUT the experience of actually getting here was really harrowing and loads of shit went wrong and i had such a damn panic attack that the back of my head is still burning tenseness from the migraine ive been holding back with sheer strength of will. Also i havent slept since saturday!!!!!!!!
So aghhh i hopei can get a good easy quick nap now in the new place and im not tormented by my usual nonsense where being in a new house makes me so nervous that i get dizzy constantly for the first few days and get paranoid that im gonna fall through the floor somehow and everything seems fragile and the walls seem too thin and I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING and now matter how nice the place is i always feel like that as soon as i turn the lights off and try to sleep aaaagh
Man i shoukd turn the heating on, im only noticing how frozen this place is now that all the adrenaline of panic has worn off.and also theexhaustion of lugging shit up the stairs for four damn hours, after eight damn hours of emergency last minute panic cleaning the old house after two damn weeks of systematically befuckening an entire house into a liveable state when it was seriously like an episode of hoarders and im so damn proud of myself for defeating my own unorganizedness and also smashing several bookcases into infintesimal shards with my bare hands. Related note: get bandage for hands. Also that big slice on half my toe knucles (is that a word? Like the jointy bit?) where i dropped that pointy hunk of wood and almost guillotined them off. Also i found a giant metal pipe out of nowhere and the missing heart pattern from my childhood plush toy's foot, so it was a good clean indeed.now i just have the problem that i have NO IDEA which bags i cleaned everything into, lol!
Hhhh tired
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nothing shakes me up more than remembering that i'm the most emotionally stable of all my friends, and yet also the most completely unequipped to help with other people's breakdowns
#like........sure I get stressed and breakdown but when i thibk about it im literally so fucking chill and well adjusted ajd its shocking#even rynning on barely any sleep and being constantly tired im relatively okay#just....realizing that i might actaully be in a not healthy but functional mental state that i can handle is....such an alien concept to me#personal shite#but then here i am beating myself up for not being able to do anything for my friemds#because i love and care for them all so much but in such absolute shit at comforting people
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Do you think we'll see Dean and Jody discuss Cas? Does Jody even know Cas exists? They told her s8 angels exits and she was claire but still i thibk textually they never mentioned his name around her? Im guessing they are gonna discuss Deans feeling about Mary since Jody knew her but Cas?
I don’t know, which I know I say to like basically all questions about speculation but this one is something I don’t really have a clue about and I’m not even sitting on my thumbs pretending not to have an opinion because I’d rather not say anything on the record until I know I’m right or not… I really, genuinely, to the best of my ability to sound it all out and guess from the available information, don’t know :P
It depends how they handle Cas being gone overall, whether Dean’s openly, loudly mourning him all the time every episode constantly, which is a detail where I’d only be able to offer you a confident speculation on the eve of this episode anyway after seeing the first 2. If Dean goes stoic and jaw-twitchy but quiet about it then probably not but that’s just like… super obvious and short term.
In the mean time, please assume the tin foil hat position you’d take to listen to a conversation that sounds like this:
There’s quite a lot to pack in with meeting Patience, and getting our guys some good face to face time with Jody for any emotional support they need to sponge off her. Sam doesn’t seem to be around so he may be off with Jack, but if he wasn’t, he’d probably want to learn how to be a mom to him from Jody, for all we know :P Thematically it might sort of be that way anyhow - if Patience doesn’t come in direct contact with Sam it seems ridiculously unlikely she’s not going to be thematically connected to him and therefore Jack through an extremely easy join the dots between 13x03 and 1x09. (Sam already kinda went one round with this sort of thing in 12x04 so in a way he’s got his booster shot of dealing with it directly so it can just be storytelling mirrors for him :P)
Certainly Jody is more connected to Mary symbolically and in general the Wayward Sisters stuff has been more about parenting and those dynamics recently, with 11x12 looking at how Jody copes and teasing us with hindsight for Mary’s return with Dean talking to her about wishing his mom had been around, and in 12x06 and 12x22 she and Mary sort of bounce off each other as moms directly in a continuation of that - in 12x16 she’s not around except on the other end of phonecalls but Dean’s carrying on parenting Claire as a hunter a lil bit.
Of all of those, 11x12 was the only one to make a nod to Cas with Claire holding grumpy cat in one of her scenes, but the show has decided to treat him a lot as just the inciting incident to get her onto the road hunting by dragging her into the life, while Dean does the thing he does around feisty wayward teenagers, and probably was mostly responsible for switching Claire’s amateur detective attempt onto a hunting thing in 10x20. I don’t want to make Claire cringe but I think she thought he was actually kinda cool and inspired her or something, because she had not had any interest in the supernatural side of things before that episode…
Despite all her connections to Cas I think Dean sort of birthed hunter!Claire, so the story sort of wanders that direction and leaves Cas behind because he’s more like Azazel in Claire’s story than anything, even if a very sad soft squishy Azazel who gave her a stuffed toy for her birthday :P Still they played it like her forgiving and hugging Cas was about the same as Dean finally getting to shoot Azazel, in both case freeing them to go do their job with the angsty backstory resolved…
In any case, I think Cas is probably an emergency contact Jody has for Claire-related stuff, although whether they told her to or not, she’d probably always call Sam and Dean first because she knows and understands them (and has met them), and I think the story is asking us to believe that with this symbolism of Claire getting past what Cas did to her family, she’s in a new stage of life he’s not a part of in the same way even if she does cling onto grumpy cat, and Cas is still family to people who consider Jody as family, who she considers family. Sort of shunting him from awkward dad no. 3 of 4 as per 10x20′s recap and symbolism to a weird uncle or something. (Although if Jody has mom symbolism to both Claire and Dean, that makes them siblings and Cas her brother in law… this found family stuff is really difficult :P)
So there’s all that shaping my expectations - Claire’s not in the episode and she’s our connection between Cas and Jody. Previous episodes have made it clear that Sam and Dean really hate calling even beloved friends with their shit and don’t tell Jody alarmingly huge things like that Mary came back from death. She’s been offering a shoulder to Dean personally while he’s been going through all his stuff, and in 9x08 I think Sam did open up to Jody more than Dean even when they were all in the same room, never mind in that and 7x12 they got split up from Dean and actually bonded (And I think this is also a quote from Kim Rhodes but also just something fairly obvious, that because Sam was the one connected to her more in her intro episode and ended up shooting her zombie son for her, they’ve always had a closer emotional bond via shared trauma).
I don’t think it’s showing that Sam and Jody aren’t as close now to have her switch focus to Dean but that Jody is determined to get Dean to open up to her *too*. In 12x06 they have really different attitudes about her when Sam makes the comment about Dean’s “animated Japanese erotica” which show how they’ve grown in different directions with Jody. So I think Sam’s closeness to her is fairly accepted fact and now Dean’s the tough nut to crack for her :P Anyway she’s made the offer two or three times now that she’s there to talk if Dean in particular needs her (definitely 10x08 and 12x06… Can’t remember if she said as much in 11x12 although they did also have an actual personal conversation in that episode, so one point to Jody there). I think 12x06 made it clear there’s still an owed conversation of greater than that opening up and spilling the beans on what’s making him emo right now, so there’s that.
And Cas and Mary have been connected all through season 12, in their arcs, in the subtext, in basically everything, and Dean textually named that in 12x22 that in the start of the season he’d “got Cas back, got Mom back” and in 12x23 of course he loses both, again, in a highly inter-connected way, and so again they’re going to be parallel lines to him, though again I think showing how he feels differently about one and the other and hopefully we get to unpack what those individual losses mean by the way of having both at once (and Crowley, who often in these cases is included to put a finger on the scale :P).
One of the things confusing me right now is of last night’s behind the scenes set peeking which revealed a Turducken Slammer relaunch from the ever-hopeful Biggerson’s, which is not letting frequent murder and mayhem and dodgy meat recalls on its premises stop it from trying. Even if it’s as overall irrelevant to the story in the sense of being mentioned or actually explored as the Mystery Spot sign in 12x01, it’s still telling us something and making connections. I mean yeah it can just be worldbuilding continuity but it’s always picked for a reason and they know what all these signs mean and how to connect them, which is why we have the beer language for example.
And Jody is pretty deeply connected to season 7 and Dean’s arc. And this connection was obliquely referenced in 12x06 in that moment I already mentioned, where Sam outs Dean’s porn habits to Jody. It was a nod from Yockey that he’d watched past Jody episodes because in every way it was a season 12 style rehash of Sam’s “strictly into Dick” comment, which was from a Jody episode. And… look, maybe this is the best way to explain how I felt the season 12 references were kind of out of this world in their scope and intelligence :P
For starters, that comment was not just a run of the mill Dick joke, that was a Robbie level Dick joke, which collected up a hilarious character thing for Sam (his fucked up moment when he should have made the barb, his determination to hang onto the Best Zinger Of His Life until Dean next gave him an opportunity and bless Sam’s cotton socks he delivered it like a pro :P) and Dean’s spiralling obsession with Dick as a Dick or Anime thing. Dean’s anime-watching was from 7x01, when he was waiting for Godstiel to blow up the planet in despair, and was at just about the lowest point we’ve ever seen him. In 7x02 Bobby gives him the “You just lost your best friend” pep talk, which is a role of comforting parental figure Dean then went and lost that season when Bobby died. And in the end of 7x02 Dean reveals how Not Fine he is to Bobby’s answerphone, which is important that it’s never commented on again but I think affects how Bobby treats him and in the subtext of 7x09 you have to know all that happened.
In 7x09 Bobby’s on his farewell tour of comforting advice to his adopted sons, in the last great set of retconning episodes to embed him permanently into their backstory as having always been there for them, to make it hurt juuust that much more than it already does. Towards the end of the episode he has another talk with Dean that mirrors advice Dean will get from Frank and Ness in 7x11 and 7x12, and *that* is opened up by Dean getting drugged by the turducken slammer and going on about how he doesn’t care about how he doesn’t care, and that he feels great for the first time since Cas and the black goo. Like, wow, his depression and hurt and betrayal didn’t go anywhere just because he said he was fine, who knew :P
And that’s the backstory to Dean’s obsession over killing Dick, who has taken everything from him by this point in season 7, told through the medium of anime and sandwiches and somehow always ending up about Cas and Dean’s feelings for him. The anime was an attempt to not care and not think about it that the slammer actually inflicted on Dean, and was used to get Dean to tell us how he really felt. By 7x12 it’s a joke for Sam to make implying Dean’s into lowercase dick, with one of those false binaries the show loves making. And like in season 13 Dean’s lost a love interest and a parental figure, and now things are really blurry about which one hurts more in this short run of episodes before they both reappear in the narrative and make it confusing. 7x11 makes the hurt most about Bobby. 7x12 subtextually tells us rather a lot about Cas, especially by making a Bobby figure to contrast in the background with the lady in the shop who literally calls Dean an idjit at some point, I think, or some other Bobby-ism, to make it clear that Ness is definitely not standing in for that and all those Cas parallels are probably where it’s at while Dean fangirls over him :P
And nope I’m not even done unpacking the Yockey Robbie Edlund turducken because of course JODY is all tied up in this completely. She’s incidentally in 7x02 as a useful local beloved character who can get menaced by Dr Sexy and let them know there’s leviathan nearby, and so she’s pretty embedded in the early Leviathan worldbuilding. Of course Edlund being Edlund, while the lil girl leviathan is channel surfing for ideas, there’s a Biggerson’s advert, I think the same one that plays in 7x03 or 7x22 about their pie salad bar (it’s like a salad bar, but pie!) and in the end she lands on wanting to be a Dr Sexy when she grows up.
(Stop me when you think this might somehow subtextually be about Dean :P)
The Dr Sexy leviathan has an amusingly childlike view on being a surgeon as a result of forming its opinions on that job while being a little girl, and apparently not listening to the memories of the poor guy it ate except to get a frightening knowledge of anatomy. It very much acts the part of being a doctor on TV who can just wheel patients off to perform unnecessary surgery, as per the malpractice of our favourite sexy doctor on TV - and there’s a thing to contemplate about “I’m not a doctor, I just play one one TV” but that’s digressing :P But it goes and menaces Jody and Bobby goes and saves her, and Robbie brings her back 2 more times in season 7, once in 7x06 to thank Bobby for saving her, and to link them romantically so she can even more handily take over the parental role by being romantically linked to their adopted father, which is just a sort of easy association to help. And in 7x12 of course she’s just there and helping and mourning Bobby a lil bit with Sam (since Dean was the one in the focus for mourning Bobby in 7x11), drinking his dubiously won scotch from 11x16 (… Rufus didn’t have to let him have that one, Bobby WAS insisting it was a ghost :P I think he just wanted Bobby to have a win after seeing how down he was.) But that IS a Jody episode so it would have been on Yockey’s list for homework for 12x06 and it contained the anime/Dick thing.
And, if he’d watched the deleted scene, at the end of the episode Dean makes it clear that he’s not sitting alone in the dark watching anime, he is strictly into Dick, and goes and reads an article on Dick “erecting” a tower.
(I hope it is clear how much I love the Dick references in season 7 by now and I’m not sorry, they started it :P)
So yeah. Jody is already intrinsically linked into a ridiculous chunk of the Dean/Cas subtext from season 7, the absolute wild nonsense that Edlund and Robbie were messing around with with pie and turducken and Dr Sexy and anime and Dick, to create the absolutely most ridiculous, like… no one part of it on its own in isolation doesn’t make you cry laughing, bit of storytelling (that, of course, added up into a full picture, just makes you cry a lot in earnest for poor Dean right then).
To me this is the picture of Dean mourning Cas in season 7, and the unique elements to season 7 are the anime (already referenced in season 12 just as an aside and I don’t think as anything more than a witty reference to past canon except that Dean was “kinda bummed” about Cas being gone (and don’t worry, I’m getting to Berens :P)) and the turducken, and Jody as one of the key characters wandering through all this picking up the emotional baton from Bobby, which she has been attempting to use on them ever since season 9, when they got back in contact with her after neglecting her all of season 8.
(And, oh gosh, I stared out the window to try and collect my thoughts for the next paragraph and washed up on thinking about Sam going and crashing out on Jody over the Dean in Purgatory period instead of hitting a dog and ending up with Amelia, like Dean with Lisa except by the time Dean gets back Sam’s probably been whipped into shape and is wandering around Sioux Falls in a deputy uniform…)
Anyway yeah, to go back to 13x03 finally… If the Turducken sign isn’t portentous of anything, I’m still seeing the Gas n Sip sign, in the maroon colours rather than blue one, but still, in a Berens episode. And if you can’t get mourning Cas in season 7 via Jody and a turducken related things to stick, you can totally shortcut through the fairly simple steps of Berens + Gas n Sip = 9x06 and assume whatever personal feelings stuff Dean and Jody talk about, this is a great way to cram Cas into the background via the enormous glowing yellow sun that has come to represent him. (And, of course, it was Berens who had the “morning, Sunshine” line for us in 12x03.)
So I think the set stuff and character stuff all have some fairly good slap to the back of the head things for Dean to maybe open up to Jody or at the very least for whatever he says to her to be heavily subtextually about Cas even if Jody asks about Mary. Because Dean’s wearing weirdly Cas-coded clothes, and Jody is wearing the family unity red n blue plaid colours. The maroon Gas n Sip seems to be more about family and even Wayward Sisters, since it was prominently used behind Claire in 12x16 and maroon has been a lot about family because of the infamous red hoodie that Kevin, Charlie and Cas all wore, and that Mary was put in maroon within an episode of getting back (and Chuck tried to cash in on it in 11x21 to make himself look harmless and cute and relatable in the same hoodie). But even in 12x16 having the Gas n Sip sun looking over Claire, with her connections to Cas, made it seem like he was watching over her too. The colours change the meaning in some ways but the overall message is the same. I think in 13x03 we have to remember it’s also going to be about the Wayward Sisters so whether Jody and Dean are having a personal conversation or not, the sun might be about Cas but the overall thing might be a more neutral family building thing for the main arc stuff. If it was a blue Gas n Sip I’d immediately think it was all about Cas and oozing tragic subtext *everywhere* and completely unavoidably.
(it might also just be that they’re maroon because Biggerson’s are and maybe there’s some sort of corporate alliance of Gas n Sips connected to Biggerson’s, because, after all, Dick Roman ended up owning both franchises and by 7x23 you can see that both are involved in his masterplan, which is part of why I love so much Cas is then intimately connected to both later while still in a gloomy penance mood about the whole thing and everything he’s ever done since…)
… So to actually answer your question, I can see some really really convoluted reasons in the history of the show that if Dean and Jody have their big important “seriously how are you” talk in this exact location while hanging out and hugging in front of all these signs, that they might either not mention Cas at all because he’s not a part of the openly stated story going on between Dean and Jody and all this family stuff and Wayward Sisters and everything absorbed into the entire chunk of the show about parental relationships, of which Jody has been a part since 7x06 thanks to Robbie. Or it’s a part of the emotional backstory to Dean losing Cas which Edlund kicked into high gear in 7x02 while dibsing all the important Dean and Bobby conversations which shine a light on Dean’s loss and Cas, also dragging Jody into a ridiculous web of Dr Sexy and stuff that Robbie and then much much later Yockey were playing around with.
Either way,
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#i try not to do this very often and ive actually been really good for a few months but in terms of my mental health today has been one of#the worst days of my life and i have absolutely no idea why and my swlf worth has somehow gone through the floor and i just feel like im#the most horrendous human in this planet and i look in the mirror and i want to be sick bevause i hate everything about how i look and how#other people see me and how strangely proportioned i am and hpw fucking disgusting my face is and then i think about the peopke i love and#i thi k about every single way in which im a burden to their life and feelike i have to constantly check that tge people i love arent angry#at me and they dont hate me and that they actually love me but theb im terrified that if i keep asking them theyre going to snap and turn#around and tell me how sick of me they are and my heart is constantly saying theyre going to leave you they never liked ypu to start off#with and i cant wven ask tgem if its true because the rational side of my brain is saying of course its not true whhy would anyone waste#their time with someone they dont care aboit but then i just genuinely camnot believe that anyone would have the capability to put up with#someone like me i just genuinely cant believe it because i cant think of one single thing about myself that is reedeeming from#literally being unable to do amything except eat and lie in bed and ive been at my boyfriend's house for a few weeks now amd i think when#hes at wprk amd i have the time to myself i thibk much more about who i am and i hate wvery part of it#i cant stand being alone with myself because even though i knkw im not really a bar person per se i cant bear who i am as a human and i#dont know how to change it and i wish i was capable of being on my own because even if i thought that someone i love is sick of me i could#argue that ill be alright but i wont be because im completely dependant on the love from other people to determine my self worth like i am#i was going to say completely worthless but i dont want tk say that#im just so scared of being alone and im scared that im ostracising myself from my family because i dont knoe how to maintain relationships#and i feel like im never goign to find someone who loves me unconditionally but then i think about how i dont deserve for anyone to lovd me#unconditionally bevahse all i am is a dissapointment and an annoyance socially beacaue if i feel like ive done anythi g wrong i basically#burst ibto tears and furiously apologise which in itswlf is so narcissistic of me to .emm#make the thungs that ive done wrong about myself by crying its not fair to everyone else that they have to comfprt me after my mistakes but#im so cripplingly terrified that the next thing i do wrong is going tk be the thibg that makes them not love me anymore and i dknt know wha#to do aside from stop making mistakes but somehow its impossible for me to stop bevause im a huge idiot and all i ever do is say things tha#will hurt peopke and thats all ive ever been able to do my whole life and even if i do something kind its entirely selfish because i just d#it to try and convince myself that i am actually a good person and even if i were to genuinely be abgood person im stilk insufferable to be#around but i feel like every time that someone looks at me funny or acts despondent like ive annoyed them im petrified that that was#the straw that broke the camels back like im so scared all the time that i just keep crying bevauae im sorry for what ive done vefore ive#even done it and i have more to say but i dont have any more ways of putting it but essentially i cant fucjing stand myself and i can only#think about how everyone would be much easier and much better off if i were not around#im sorry for this long thing
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