#its NOT my fault if someone kills themselves EVEN if i caused the trigger

[carnageacorn]

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[qoldenskies]

Omg I just read the entirety of the canary continuity and I love it so much! I was crying so hard by the time I was done with it!

Also, I feel so bad for all the brothers, especially Leo, Raph and Mikey. Not only is their brother hurt, physically and mentally, but they can't even do anything cause it was (unintentionally) their fault. Their relationship has broken, and they can't even fix it, because not only would Donnie think that they are lying about being nice again when they try to help, he can't even see them before having a panic attack, thinking that they are going to hurt him (or worse, kill him).

I can't wait to see what would happen in the future chapters!

hi!!! im so glad you enjoyed!! >:D

honestly ive been rolling around the particular angst with the other three in my head, and i've been excited to dive deeper into them and how they're handling it but i need to get through a particular part of the story before i can properly switch to their povs, but you better bet it'll be happening!!!

its the pain of not being able to show him the kindness and gentleness he deserves after everything that happens to him. despite his fear and initial trepidation, he practically folds into april and splinter when they reach for him, and he panics when he sees them leave, and he uses them as a lifeline when he's scared. already twice now they've talked him down from a spiral of panic and comforted him (although theyve been unable to do it when the others are around, so they always have to make them leave. even when they dont want to!) and it's somewhat established that it's not even normally how donnie responds to trauma. he usually needs a while to sit and process before he can come for comfort, and trying to push him does not work at All, but now more than anything all that he wants and needs is the affection they CANT GIVE HIM because he's utterly terrified of them, even though its ultimately the most important thing for him right now. more than anything donnie wants his brothers to keep him safe, but he thinks they're gone, and he doesn't know when the curse started, or what part of it was how they truly feel and what part of it was the curse speaking; and even if he did, they are a trigger to him and there's nothing he can do about it.

and for raph and mikey in particular, who are so tactile and affectionate (and are just as comforted by affection as the person theyre trying to comfort in most cases) its fucking devastating. with leo with his hidden low self esteem its still awful for him, but he knows what this feels like, he's only acting so different because he can't fall back on his old coping mechanisms; because they're the thing that HURT donnie, because the curse weaponized them, so he's turning to anger (in ME he is intentionally trying to start fights because he wants to be yelled at LOL) and trying to stay productive instead. but raph and mikey generally have always had the impression of themselves that they're Good People (mikey is very confident and he hasn't really been disillusioned at all yet, and raph is someone i see to be very secure in the idea that he's a good person, which can sometimes make taking responsibility/handling guilt difficult for him. although he matures substantially around the time of the movie) so its just. shattering.

mikey never saw himself CAPABLE of doing something this horrible (he's just a kid! sometimes he struggles to see past himself!) and with raph it was a confirmation of his worst insecurity; to some extent he has always seen donnie and mikey as so much more fragile than him (he does canonically understand that donnie is very sensitive/takes rejection super seriously, and he worries about hurting his feelings. ty donnie's gifts for the brains and brawn fuel i use you so liberally), and especially when he was younger he grappled with this fear of hurting them badly on accident (and he probably had in play before), and even with the self-restraint he displayed under the curse, he still caused all this CARNAGE... and there's nothing he can do about it. donnie can't even hear his voice right now without screaming. they both need to comfort in order to feel comforted and that's been ripped away from them, and they're doing so fucking awful. cannot wait to write their povs honestly i have a lot of ideas >:)

[nyan-tame]

WAKE UP ITS 4 AM IT'S TIME 4 II ACT 3 THEORIES

AND HEADCANONS (with angst)

Im 100% willing 2 bet that these will NOT b real take these theories, predictions, and headcanons with a grain of salt 😭😭😭

ANYWAY

TRIGGER WARNING 4 MENTION OF EATING DISORDERS AND GENDER DYSPHORIA

(ITS ALL IN THE PARAGRAPHS ABT MEPHONE BTW SO U CAN SKIP THAT BUT THERES STILL ANGST)

♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆

mephone will join the shimmers/mephone was masking their shimmer half for years

The shimmers will continue 2 search 4 their lost young and realize that mephone is the 2nd lost shimmer (as revealed last episode) upon realizing this they will get emotional and also apologize 4 what he's been through (even if it's not actually their fault they just really feel bad 4 their child) and take them in to give them the childhood they deserved. This theory ties in with some headcanons i also have.... So cobs says in a flashback (episode 13, i think) that he has no need 2 eat cause he's a machine, right? Well, not exactly, just something along those lines. That's not the case. They're half organic because they are half shimmer. They actually do need 2 eat, but cobs has literally been starving them constantly, thinking that being mostly machine means they'll never be hungry. This is part of the reason mephone thinks they're a "fat slob" and even jokes abt it 2 himself around others but thats just not the case, they quite literally are just fucking hungry. Yes, i think mephone might have an eating disorder. Speaking of shimmers, you know how the other baby shimmer, the green one, was nonbinary implying that the shimmers are a naturally genderless species? I think mephone may also be nonbinary. My evidence? Paintbrush. I think Paintbrush was made as genderless the way they were in season one because cobs thought mephone being nonbinary was like stupid and wrong or something. Mephone projects their grief into humor as their main coping mechanism. Thus, Paintbrush's gender was seen as nothing but a joke 4 a really long time similarly 2 how tissues suffering all the time is seen as a joke and gets no help by his peers which may represent how mephone never got help woth anything even when they really needed it. Paintbrush eventually coming out made mephone feel much safer, something they dont usually feel.. but not safe enough.

The contestants who died by mephone x will get recovered but they won't be completely intact

I highly doubt that everyone is going 2 die permanently. That is not in the nature of inanimate insanity. However, the show LOVESSS 2 make its fandom miserable, so these fellas will not get removed from melife without consequences. The Xed contestants may experience memory problems or will go into a full reset. To make things sadder, I feel like their brains would subconsciously remember the people they had good relationships with even though they themselves don't actually know they've met before. In other words, if anyone sees anyone they had good relations with in a past life, they will subconsciously feel comforted by their presence. Though if these fella do have all their memories intact someone like lightbulb or cheesy will trick a buddy of their into thinking they forgot everything 2 make their friends panic a little just 2 go finger guns at them like "haha got ya" making the audience freak out 4 a moment 2. Who knows, maybe our cast brought someone back wrong, and they did forget everything...

Cobs will DEFINITELY DIE

A while ago on youtube, i think either Brian or Justin made a community tab poll on how many characters would die, 2 being the most popular vote. Literally Mephone wont have a happy ending if that mother fucker doesn't die. I also think the shimmers might kill him last second. But wait! There's another character who is supposed 2 die! I think that's bow, "but Nyan bow is already dead!!" Is what u might b thinking.. and ur PROBABLY RIGHT!!! i accidentally got spoilers 4 only ONE of the permanent deaths (DONT WORRY, NO SPOILERS, YOU JUST GET A LITTLE NUDGE, THE DEATH SPOILER WAS A CONTESTANT) If im still dead set on the fact that cobs will die, it can't be 2 contestants.. at least in my head. Bow, being a ghost and already dead, knows what it's like being dead and won't mind sacrificing herself 4 her friends. Now she can go on 2 the next stage of her afterlife!

ANYWAYSSS THATS ALL BYEBYEBYEBYEBYEBYE!!!

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[asherthehimbo]

Always Black Cats And Bitter Coffee: Chapter 6 [part 4]

Chapter 6 [part 4] : finale

warnings: mentions of stabbing, guns, shooting, two deaths, blood, anxiety, blame, guilt

It was a few weeks after Minho and Yunho found you, bound and gagged, with a knife sticking out of your abdomen. Now you were standing in court, the best lawyer your parents could buy one one side of you, Minho on the other, he holds your hand in comfort, squeezing it every now and then to reassure you. Behind you, all your friends are sitting down. Even your parents decided to take time out of their schedule to support you in this trail.

Since you had finally healed enough, it was time to put Sanni on trial, and lucky you because you were her main victim, meaning you had to testify to everything she did. The courtroom is silent, no one dares say anything, and her side is empty. The jury sends you sympathetic glances despite not knowing the whole story, and you hate it. You never did like being looked at in sympathy.

You can’t breathe in here, waiting for Sanni to walk in, the pressure is killing you, you tell Minho you’re gonna go take a walk outside, clear your head a bit, he asks if he needs to come with you, but you tell him you need to be alone. You walk to the back of the courtroom where the door is situated, and right before you open it a loud bang echos from the other side, you hesitate for a moment before hastily opening the door, worried about what had happened, the people in the courtroom behind start to crown together to try and see for themselves, and you vaguely register your friends calling for you.

The scene before you makes your stomach churn all over again, the new scar now placed over your soulmark paining as if the wound had just been made. You look at the security guard lying down on the ground, a bullet hole in his head, next to him stands Sanni, blood splattered over the uniform she wears. She looks tired, her roots are growing out, the pink dye in her hair fading. If this was another time, another place you might have felt bad for her, but you can’t bring yourself to do so anymore.

She looks at you, and there are tears in her eye’s. A part of you is scoffing at the fact that she can actually feel human emotion, but the other part of you, the younger part, the part of you that spent years loving her, it breaks. “You love him, don’t you?” she cocks her head in Minho’s direction, you can’t bring yourself to speak, so you just nod. She brings the gun up to her heart, right where the fake soulmark she plastered on herself is located.

“My heart’s only ever belonged to you, It can’t continue beating without knowing that it’s beating for you.” You wonder where all the other guards are, if nobody’s going to stop her, why she’s suddenly showing such raw emotions that she’s never shown before. “I just want you to live with the fact that the end of my beating heart is your fault.” She says, and your body moves before you can stop it. You reach out, hand brushing with hers as she pulls the trigger, the blood splattering from her heart directly onto you, your hand is intertwined with hers as she falls, causing you to go down with her.

You can’t help the tears that fall, and you hate it. You hate her. You hate the fact that despite everything she’s done, there’s still a part of you that loves her. You feel someone kneeling behind you and wrap their arms around you, vaguely registering its Minho, your actual soulmate, the man you are in love with. You fall backward, releasing your grip from Sanni’s warm hand, and the cold metal weapon rests inside it. You cry into Minho’s chest, not paying attention to the commotion surrounding you.

abc x 2 masterlist | Soulbound masterlist | Stray kids masterlist

Current Taglist[7/30]: @i-dont-know-me-either @gaysontheprince @skzhoes @xavi-in-kpopland @moonlight-894 @foxilsdenn @conwunder

note: rahh, we finally ended the series! thank you to all of you who read and enjoyed my work🫶 I hope you look forward to the next installment of soulbound. and thank you to @wolfferno , who helped me with the last chapter🫶

also do you guys want memes or no???

[haleigh-sloth]

I was wondering if you could help me understand this writing decision in the new chapter. I sent this message to a My Hero discord and was wondering if you had anything to say about it.

So, I’ve put my thoughts to the page a little and I think I’ve figured out why this turn on Tenko’s backstory bothers me so much. It’s because it’s twofold…it makes him into too perfect of a victim and also washes society’s hands of the blood it has on them for not paying attention to him when he was wandering the street. I’ll address each of these in its own paragraph.

First, most abuse victims are not “perfect victims.” They often have unhealthy coping mechanisms that are wrong and unhealthy in themselves, and they do bear partial responsibility for that. It’s harder to relate to Tenko’s struggles with self hatred when they’re completely divorced from reality - he only exists because AFO wants him to exist and only destroys because AFO wants him to destroy at this point. He also doesn’t have to wrestle with those feelings in himself to overcome them. I just don’t think a situation where a victim has no unhealthy coping mechanisms they chose for themselves is realistic to how this issue often plays out irl.

Secondly, Tenko only existing because AFO wanted him to exist absolves society of their sin of ignoring Tenko as he wandered the streets. These leaks make it sound like AFO would have groomed him regardless of whether someone reached out a helping hand, meaning it was of no consequence whether someone helped him or not. This makes every problem in Tenko’s world AFO’s fault, instead of AFO being a trigger pressed on a loaded gun (that loaded gun being the idolization of heroes and treating them as superhuman as a guise for complacency).

I’d appreciate if someone could help me make sense of this writing decision because I’m struggling to understand why it’s here.

I really want to accept this direction for Tenko’s arc, and truth be told I do see some upsides to this development, but I’m having a hard time getting past the perfect victim* + the absolution of hero society.

*To further expand on this point, I also think that Tenko’s turn being inevitable causes people’s worldviews to be challenged less. Both the audience and the characters in series are meant to be challenged by the idea of Tenko being both a perpetrator and a victim, rather than just one or the other. AFO being involved in his life literally since conception pushes him so far into the “victim” category that people don’t have to wrestle with the concept of his salvation and humanity anymore. I see this as only a negative but I’d like to know what you think.

Also sorry for bugging you so much with asks lately, i can be really annoying

I don’t think Tenko is anywhere near what could be described as a “perfect victim”. He takes his anger out on the space around him and damn near everyone in it. He’s killed a lot of people who had absolutely nothing to do with his misery and suffering. He’s targeted Izuku and Bakugo (for like, very distorted reasons) but they had nothing to do with his life sucking so bad.

He is far from perfect. If there is one in MHA (doesn’t rly exist tho) it’s Eri, I guess.

It seems like what you’re thrown by is AFO being implicated even further. But this really changes nothing. AFO didn’t make people ignore Tenko on the street. And society’s flaws are emphasized in more than one place.

Tenko learning the truth doesn’t take away the sting of being ignored on the street. It just makes the death of his family way worse because it wasn’t just a freak accident, it was forced upon him. It just turned into something that was done to him. It’s horrific, no matter how involved AFO was from the get go. Everyone who was responsible for their part in his pain, still is. Nothing really changes.

Tenko was always helpless from the start. And he still is, he always has been, he never stood a chance. That doesn’t change with this new revelation.

He’s not a victim that has 0 reasons to feel conflicted about (although, I don’t lol). He’s done a lot of damage to other people. He’s perpetrated the cycle of violence, very much actively participated in it. It is obviously from a place of pain and revenge and hopelessness, but still people who weren’t involved ended up being involved whether they asked to be or not. Not that we’re supposed to care about off-screened people, but that’s what makes him an antagonist, after all. He’s not a black and white antagonist. If you’re feeling less conflicted about him being saved, then Horikoshi’s writing accomplished its goal. You’re supposed to want him saved by this point because that’s how the protagonist feels, and the writing tells you it’s the right thing to do and the right direction for the story.

I don’t think anything about Tenko’s victim status changes. Everyone’s responsibility is still the same. It’s all the same, just AFO sucking more and more.

[stuffyflowers]

What do you think Ceroba does after a Neutral run where you kill Starlo? Does she ever accept that you really did it? Does she end up tumbling into an even worse mental state? Does she ever get support from, like, the remaining Feisty Four?

ohhhhhh that’s a LOADED question i could absolutely ramble abt this.

I might as well drop my answer in the “does she know?” poll: im a “she has a hunch but doesn’t act on it” truther.

After weeks (or maybe even just days) of searching, she’s the first to come to the realisation that he’s not missing, he’s dead. She knows him better than anyone, she knows that even in his lowest moment he would never disappear for this long. In general she’s also just the most grounded monster in the wild east: while the others can indulge themselves in hope and optimism that he’ll return, she can just face reality and know the odds are definitely stacked against starlo being alive at this point

She would eventually accept that clover did it, too. It was a thought itching at the back of her mind ever since she first saw them on the cliffs, just… standing there. Only now is she ready to put the pieces together, who else could have possibly done it? The four were angry at him, but they were all still close friends just going through a rough patch. Clover, though? From the very beginning of their wild east journey, she had suspected they weren’t really… into it. They were being basically held there against their will, after all. If anyone would be willing to pull the trigger on star, it would be them.

And I imagine she would develop a guilt complex over this, of course. I’ve mentioned a lot before that she has a tendency to blame herself for things even when its out of her control, notably how she says she let chujin work himself to death when chujin is the one that intentionally hid everything from her, including the warning signs that his life was at risk. This would extend to star, I think. Her entire role in the wild east is as an observer, she watches over clover and encourages them to come to a peaceful resolution with starlo by playing along. When she leaves him, just like the four, she willingly left star alone with someone she knows could cause him significant harm (“humans are dangerous”, of course.). ESPECIALLY if we assume this is on a neutral route where ceroba already knew clovers soul is impure and thus had killed monsters before. What was she thinking??? How could she allow herself to set boundaries and leave him alone??? Who cares if what he said hurt her feelings, her feelings don’t matter. She should have been there to protect him.

So uh. Yeah. Definitely falls into a worse mental state. Losing the only person she was still close to, and in her mind it was all her fault, just like in chujin and kanakos case. She could have put a stop to his killer, too, but she didn’t. This is her new rock bottom.

I’ve already rambled on so long but uh feisty four uhhhh… honestly idk if they’d be able to do much for her. She isn’t close to them, really. Not enough for her to consider them her friends, apparently (“Starlo was the only friend I had left”). Ceroba would probably have trouble finding support in general as at this point she’s still hiding so much from everyone in relation to her family and the mission she had been left with. Letting her guard down to talk about how stars death affected her would mean having to talk about them, as well. Ceroba is stubborn, too, so I think it would be a long time before she truly lets herself get support from anyone

… and I think itd be more likely from crestina and solomon, tbh. She doesn’t talk much to the four, but she does talk to stars parents a lot, esp in relation to star himself. They’re the first ones she goes to consult abt stars disappearance, too. I think if anyone was able to get her to open up and get the support she desperately needs, it would be them.

[the2amrevolution]

While it's satisfying to annoy someone driving like an asshole, the safest thing to do is, if possible, move into a lane to your right (for most of the world, the outside lane regardless for all of the world) and let the speed demon carry on. Keep an eye on your mirrors (I mean, you should be shifting between each mirror and ahead of you at all times when driving anyway), and signal to make way for the speeder as soon as you notice them.

This is what the "slower traffic keep right" signs mean. Inside lanes are meant for passing or preparing to enter a left turn lane. Unless your left turn is imminent, just move right when you can. If your left turn is coming up soon and there's no one ahead of you, signalling your left turn a little early can get some tailgaters to back off.

If they ignore your signals and pass on the right before you can move over safely, then watch them to see if theyre going to try to get in front of you and slow if needed to let them reenter the lane without being too close to you. This also helps you if someone is trying the "swoop and squat" insurance fraud scheme.

If the person behind you isn't tailgating but is flashing their lights at you, the lane to your right is open, and your headlights and signals are the way they should be for the situation, they are asking you to move over and allow them to pass you. You're probably going slower than the usual speed driven on that road, regardless of the speed limit. Or maybe they've shit themselves and are trying to get home fast in the safest way possible.

If you are already to the right or its a single lane per direction, then its reasonable to gently decelerate to reduce the impact should something cause you to need to break suddenly. Don't break check tailgaters. It causes a domino chain of hard braking and backs up traffic, and it can lead to fault being split between you and the tailgater rather than solely being the tailgaters fault. Also, lets be real, we don't know if the driver is some violent, lead or syphilis damaged, trigger happy fool, so why chance it? When it is clear for them to pass you, they should, and you should maintain speed or slightly decelerate to make it easier for them to do so. Then you resume whatever speed you can maintain safely.

If you find yourself behind someone who is going slower than normal on a road or in the inside lane and not passing the lanes to their right, two seconds of distance is close and only for, like, 40mph and below in dry conditions. 3 or more is better for higher speeds or wet/damp/icy roads. You can flash your lights and hope they move over. If they don't or if they are just going way inappropriately slowly for the lane/are going slower than the lane to the right, then when it is clear, you should move to the right and pass them, but again with maintaining safe distances between cars as the top priority, not cutting closely to the people in the right lane or cutting back into the left lane super close to the car you are overtaking.

Learn guidelines within your car for what safe distance looks like. Have someone meet you in an empty parking lot and space yourselves out in different configurations so you can learn things like "when the bottom of their back tires disappears behind my hood, I'm where I need to stop at a light or stop sign" and "when I can see their hood in my back window poke out from behind the rear seat headrest, I can merge in front of them." Having a third person with good spacial awareness outside of the cars helps also. Some things are pretty consistent, but others will vary by car and driver height (I'm 5'3 and drive a dodge journey. my 6ft brother driving a sedan had different guides).

In general, you have one goal/responsibility as a driver: avoid an accident/harm. If someone is driving dangerously, your job is to get away from them. It is not your job to punish them or try to punish them, even if the mini power trip feels good. Kill the traffic cop in your brain and focus on keeping safe distances and communicating to other drivers so they can work with you so everyone gets where they need to without any harm to anyone.

favorite hobby when I'm driving is to catch someone trying to climb up my back bumper while I'm going a completely reasonable speed and just slowly take my foot off the gas. you seem upset, brother. why don't we slow down and enjoy the view awhile

[nastybuckybarnes]

Of Kings and Beasts  -  Eight

Pairing: King!Bucky X Princess!Reader X King!Steve

Summary: Born a bastard of the King of Orlen, you’re thrust to the West to marry the Kings. However, the greeting you get is anything but warm, and your life with the King is far from enjoyable. He knows it isn’t your fault his husband is gone, but that fact alone won’t prevent him from taking it out on you.

Warnings: Angst, Injuries, Fluff, 

Word Count: 3.6K

A/n: I’m alive! I know, it’s been like 4 months. I honestly didn't know how to ‘come back’ so this is it. I’ll be answering asks and messages tonight, but things are going okay. I work 54 hours a week so I’m not writing as much as I’d like to but I’m trying!!! I love you all so much, and I hope you enjoy this!

THIS SERIES CONTAINS SMUT AND DARK THEMES THAT MAY BE TRIGGERING TO SOME AUDIENCES!!! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!

Series Masterlist

The doctor lies unmoving on a medical cot, stitches across his throat to close the gouge that was meant to end his life.

“Do we have any idea who is behind this? Or why?” Steve asks quietly, eyes darting between his most trusted man and his husband.

“I do not know who is behind it, but I think they are aware that we know.” Steve’s brows pull together at his husband’s words, and he waits for him to continue.

James huffs out a deep breath, glancing around the small room as if checking for any listening ears.

“Doctor Banner found an incision on the base of my skull. Someone has performed an operation on me without my knowing. I’m assuming the Doctor found something out, and while on his way to find me he was ambushed.”

Steve’s still stuck on the fact that his husband has been tampered with.

“What do you mean someone performed an operation on you?” James shakes his head. “I’m not sure what they did, but I have reason to believe that it is why I have been so hostile towards... our wife.” He fears saying your name. He doesn’t want anything to trigger the beast.

“How long have you known this?” Steve demands, angry that James would keep something like this from him.

“Since the day she went out into the snow. I was not sure who I could trust. I still know not. But one thing is certain: someone means to kill our wife and destroy our marriage, and it is someone close to us.” Regret instantly fills the blond king and he excuses himself without another word, head swarming with thoughts that include nothing but pain and punishment.

His feet take him down the spiral staircase, his hands wrenching open the cell door and grabbing the prisoner by his collar.

“Who is it that sent you?! Tell me! Now!” The man is confused for a moment before a yellow-toothed grin splits his face.

“You will tell me now!” Steve pulls his fist back and slams it against the man’s face, but the prisoner only laughs manically.

“Who is it that intends on hurting my wife? On ruining my marriage?” The man shakes his head, blood dribbling down his chin.

“The only one who ruins your marriage and hurts your wife is you, your majesty. But from what I hear through the walls, your bloodline ends with you. The great Kings of the West will be nothing more than fairytales. Their whore wife, a forgotten name. And that will be your doing.” Steve’s vision clouds and he unleashes his fury upon the prisoner, beating him to a bloody pulp until his face is hardly visible.

The King stumbles back, chest heaving and fists covered in blood, while the man slumps to the floor, wheezing and gasping.

“Cut off one head... two more shall take its place,” is the last thing the man utters before collapsing in a pool of his own blood.

Steve stands there, furious and dumbfounded. He’s so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t realize he isn’t alone anymore until a cool hand is on his shoulder, turning him around.

“What happened?” James asks, his eyes on the dead man on the floor and then on his husband’s bloody fists.

“Your assumption is correct. Someone has orchestrated this and we are being toyed with. Where’s (Y/n)?” The mention of your name has James squeezing his eyes shut as the beast bares its fangs.

“I know not. But you haven’t time for that. Thor and Anthony should be here within the hour. You need to make yourself presentable. We will tell them of our problem and see if they can offer any assistance.” Steve doesn’t want to meet with the other Kings. No, he wants to find you and get on his knees and beg for forgiveness, of which you may or may not grant, but he’s willing to beg and plead in front of his entire kingdom if he needs to.

“Come on. Let’s go get you cleaned up.” James ushers the blond out of the dungeon and to his chambers, his mind racing as he tries to piece the mystery together.

~*~

Your eyes trace over the trails etched in the book in your grasp, trying desperately to memorize them.

You’re so engaged in your reading that you don’t notice the man in front of you until you’re walking into him.

“Oh!” You stumble back, the book falling from your grasp as you lose your footing. The man is quick and grabs you around the waist to prevent you from falling.

“I am very sorry, Your Majesty. You must forgive me, for I was not paying attention to where I was walking.” The man has a deep, booming voice, his accent different than the ones you’re used to.

“It’s quite alright. I was hardly paying attention myself.” You look up at him and your eyebrows raise.

He’s an absolute Adonis of a man.

With beautifully kind blue eyes, a warm and inviting smile, and long locks of blond hair that are pulled back into a half-bun.

“It must be an interesting story that you were reading then?” He questions, hand dropping from around your waist as he stoops down to pick up your book.

“You could say that.” You’re nervous. You know not who this man is nor where his allegiance lies.

“This is a book of maps. Have you a journey planned?” He seems just genuinely curious but you’re defensive nonetheless.  

“Might I ask who you are and why you need to know?” He raises his brows then chuckles.

“I suppose we have not been introduced, although I have heard many things about you. I am King Thor, of Asgard. And you are Queen (Y/n). Born of Orlen but wed in Acadia. The Kings eagerly awaited your arrival, I must say. And you are every bit as beautiful as they said.”

You shake your head bashfully.

“May I know where your journey will take you? It will remain a secret between the two of us. You have my word.” You ponder this for a moment, but he looks so kind and so genuine, you can’t stop yourself from telling him.

“Well if you must know, I’m leaving.” He huffs a breath of surprise.

“Leaving? But for what purpose? You are a queen.”

You laugh softly at that, the tugging up of your cheeks making your cuts burn.

“A queen, yet I am treated like a prisoner. You must forgive me for speaking so plainly in your presence, but I fear that I have lost any sense of... propriety in this place. My husbands may have spoken highly of me, but that was before they met me, I suppose. Now... I am nothing more than a thorn in their sides.”

Thor shakes his head, not believing a word coming from your mouth.

“That cannot be.” You sigh heavily and tug the collar of your gown down, showing him the dark bruises around your neck.

“From his Majesty, King James. And King Steven gave me these.” You show him the bruises on your arms next.

He’s absolutely appalled.

“And I assume they are the ones responsible for these?” One of his warm fingers traces across the marks on your cheeks and you nod.

“I do not blame you for wanting to leave. You must feel stifled.” You nod, taking his outstretched arm and allowing him to lead you down the hallway.

“It... has not been an easy transition. I have not even seen my kingdom yet. I know not what it has to offer nor if it is thriving. I have not met my people or even seen my lands. This place is supposed to be home to me, but it is no more than a prison with hot water and soft sheets.”

Thor’s quiet for a long moment and you regret every speaking. Just as you’re about to tug free from his grip and lock yourself back in your chambers, he turns to you.

“We cannot simply allow you to not know what your kingdom has to offer! I am making it my duty to show you the beauties of Acadia.” Your eyebrows raise.

“But surely you’re here on business? You mustn’t have time for something as tedious as that.” He takes your hand and brings it up to his lips, pressing a soft kiss against your knuckles. “A chance to get to know the Queen? Show her that her Kingdom is not all bad? That is not tedious. The Kings can wait. They have Anthony. I will take you through the Kingdom and show you all that there is to see.”

~*~

Thor is true to his word and shows you every nook and cranny in the Kingdom. From the poorest parts to the wealthiest.

“This is the village orphanage. I often come to volunteer my time, however business has kept me away for far longer than I’d like to admit.” You pull your cloak tighter around yourself at the biting chill of the wind, a frown on your face as you look at the run-down building.

“Do the kings not know the ruins of their Kingdom? Surely something can be done to fix this building. The children must be freezing.” You’re reminded of your own experience in the cold confines of the north tower in Orlen. The small chamber you were locked in whenever your adoptive mother did not want to see you.

“The Kings often busy themselves with their work. They are conquerors. They have not the time for such trivial tasks. It would be the duty of a queen to fix the Kingdom, here at least. They are my friends, and they are good at taking, however it seems they know little of giving back.” You nod at this, knowing firsthand how much they can take and not give back.

“I wish I had known that the kingdom was in such ruins. I would have made it my priority.” He looks at you for a long moment, wondering what on Earth could cause the Kings to treat you so poorly.

“If you would like, I can help you to arrange some repairs? Perhaps we can make it your project? Have you in charge of it. It could be your first official duty as Queen.” You smile but shake your head sadly, turning away from the orphanage and back towards your horses.

“I doubt the Kings would approve of something like that. I’m sure I will have their wrath to face for having kept you from your business for so long. I fear what they will do to me, if I am quite honest with you. Steven was lovely before but... he has... I know not how to explain it.” Thor comes up behind you and places a gentle hand on your shoulder.

“I will ensure that they do not bring any more harm to you, Petal. You have endured far more than should be expected of you. You have little to gain, and yet you remain here for them.” You shrug, walking with him to your horses.

“My situation were I to leave would not be very different. I have nowhere to go and no one to turn to. I am alone both in the Kingdom and outside of it.” Thor hates the truth behind your words.

“Come, let’s get you back to the Palace before you catch your death.” He helps you up onto the horse then gets on his, mind full of everything you’ve told him and all that he needs to discuss with the Kings.

~*~

He walks you to your chambers, having told Wanda to draw a warm bath for you. As he reaches the wooden door, he pauses and smiles warmly at you.

“I very much enjoyed our time today, Your Majesty. I hope to spend more time with you during my stay. But unfortunately, I must go.”

As he’s turning to leave, a voice calls your name. The way you stiffen has Thor grinding his teeth together in frustration.

“Your Majesty,” you greet, bowing your head to your husband while your hand inches to your door.

“May I speak with you? Please?” You open your mouth to reply but Thor cuts you off.

“Actually, Steven, I believe you and I have matters of our own.” And just like that, The booming blond ushers your husband down the hallway. Steve’s blue eyes stay on you, his head turned to look over his shoulder as much as he can until they round the corner and render you out of sight.

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding and enter your bedroom, smiling tightly at Wanda as she helps you into your bath.

~*~

“You were with (Y/n) all day?” Thor shrugs, “would it matter if I was? It seems that I am the only friend she has.” Steve grinds his teeth together but huffs a breath out through his nose.

“I understand that I have been unfair, but all I want is to make things better between the two of us.”

Thor shakes his head, thick arms crossed over his broad chest as he looks between the two kings. “That can wait. What is it that you needed to discuss with me so urgently?”

Steve sighs and looks over at James as if trying to figure out where to begin.

“We believe that someone is trying to sabotage our marriage to break us apart and overthrow our rule. And it must be someone close to us. James has been... tampered with. And I was made to question the loyalties of my own wife. My anger and haste for answers have... brought forth a beast I had hoped to keep hidden from her. And I fear I have played my part in the sabotage of my marriage.” Thor thinks about how helpless you sounded, how absolutely broken down you seemed and can’t help but agree with Steve’s words.

“If someone is plotting to overthrow your rule, they must be close. Close enough to know of any decisions being made. It would be wise to deceive them.” James furrows his brows in confusion. “Make it seem as if they are winning. Send away your wife and tell no one the truth.”

Steve’s shocked at the suggestion.

“Send her away? To where? And with whom? We cannot very well abandon her when people mean to kill her!” Thor purses his lips for a moment before smiling.

“She won’t be alone.”

The other two Kings stare at him as if he’s grown a second head.

“You mean to stay with her? And protect her?”

“Your wife is a spitfire, that much I can tell. She may come across as a woman of few words, but she has a raging soul that cannot be so easily tamed. She wishes to leave you, plans to.”

James’ shoulders cave and Steve’s face crumbles.

“She told you this?” The brunet asks, voice hoarse and weak.

“Not in so many words, but the desire is there. She is unhappy. If she would agree, I would take her to Asgard to be a wife of my own, however, her heart is loyal to Acadia.” The two kings each glare at the big blond man, angry at the very thought of someone taking their wife from them.

Thor continues, unbothered by their anger.

“Which is why she should be sent away. I have a cottage at the border of Asgard and Acadia. My men will be around and you can send men of your own. I will stay with her until she is comfortable and then I will take my leave, but for her safety and her sanity, she must leave the Palace.”

The silence in the room hangs heavily over all three men for a long while before Steve nods.

“Very well. If it is truly in her best interests, then fine. But I will not shun her without giving her a proper explanation.” Thor bows his head as Steve rushes past him, heading towards your chambers.

He knocks once then slowly pushes the door open, desperate to see you and grovel at your feet.

You’re seated on your bed, a book in hand and a shocked expression on your face.

“Your Majesty,” you greet softly, bowing your head.

“No, (Y/n) none of that. I was... out of line. I will never be able to apologize enough for everything I have done to you.” You say nothing but your heart hurts at the fact that Thor clearly told him something.

“You have nothing to apologize for, Your Majesty,” you say stiffly, moving your gaze back down to the book in your lap.

He sits on the edge of your bed, his eyes on the scratches decorating your delicate face.

“We have been unkind and unfair to you, my darling. I hope that one day you will forgive us, but until then, there is something we must discuss.” You have no idea where this conversation could be going, and that thought alone scares you.

“You will be leaving tonight.”

Your face must display the confusion and fear you feel at his words because he’s quick to clarify.

“Joining Thor and staying in a cottage where our kingdoms border. There are people here, people close to myself and James that wish to do you harm.” He takes your hand gently between both of his and presses a soft kiss to your fingers.

“It pains me to do it, but I know you need it as well. You’ve been deprived here. No friends and no family. We’ve treated you terribly and not as Queen should be treated." You keep your eyes cast down towards your lap, unable to bear seeing the King so distraught in front of you.

He sniffles and places another kiss to the back of your hand.

“I hope that you will return soon, but if you must take time then I understand. When you do decide you are ready to return, we will both be waiting with open arms.” He pauses for another moment before speaking again, his voice softer than before.

“I had hoped that James would join me but he... he is not well. But he misses you dearly, of that I am certain. The days will darken with your departure.” He presses another kiss to your knuckles then slowly rises to his feet.

“No one is to know the true reason for your departure. You mustn't tell anyone, for I fear you will not be safe if you do. Can you promise me that?” He asks, his eyes full of desperation and sorrow.

“Yes, your majesty.” His heart cracks at the fact that you’re still not addressing him by his name, but he realizes it will take time for the bond to be rebuilt between the two of you.

“Wanda will pack your things then you will be met by Thor and he will take you somewhere safe.” He cups your cheek gently, sniffling and trying to fight tears.

“I am so very sorry that your own home is a place that causes you pain.” With that, he turns on his heel and exits your chambers without so much as another glance, the pain he’s feeling evident in the tightness of his shoulders and the stiffness of his walk.

It’s not five minutes later when Thor is at the door to your chambers, sliding a thick wool cloak over your shoulders and pulling the hood up to cover your face.

“Just a precaution, Your Majesty. And the wind has a bit of a bite to it. But a carriage is waiting.” You nod your understanding and follow him silently out of the palace that has been no more than a prison to you.

Steve and James watch from separate windows as you climb into the carriage, not sparing a single glance back at the palace. But they cannot find it in themselves to blame you. What you have been forced to endure is far worse than anyone should have to. Especially someone as delicate as yourself.

A dark cloud falls over the kingdom as their queen is whisked away, brought to a safe haven that their kings couldn’t provide, by a man who is not even a member of their kingdom.

~*~

The journey to Thor’s cottage is a fairly quiet one, far too many thoughts racing in your mind and feelings in your heart.

“You are unhappy to be leaving the Palace?” Thor asks, confusion evident in his voice. You sigh heavily and shake your head, turning to look at him.

“It is a relief to be able to speak freely, however, I cannot help the guilt that I feel. It is my duty to do what the require of me, regardless of whether or not I enjoy it.” Thor shakes his head, a frown on his handsome face.

“No human should ever have to endure that. Regardless of their duties. You will not be shunned by the kings and even if you were, I’m sure Orlen would accept you back with open arms.”

You chuckle once, the sound dull and lacking humour.

“Orlen could not care any less about me if they tried. I’m not a princess to them. Merely the bastard of a King. One who was convenient to use in a trade agreement. My father would have me beheaded if he knew I was running from the kings.”

Thor is rendered speechless by this new information, his heart heavy for you, the delicate princess who deserves a far better fate than the one gifted to her.

[kunimikat]

hi! i'm having a hard time mentally lately and i recently found out that i kind of erm,,,,, when my mental health is really bad my brain is like "no!😀" and skyrockets me into absolute baby mode and just want cuddles and love and i feel really lonely and don't talk a lot. bokuto is my comfort character so if you woudlnt mind could you do some headcanons or whatever you want- about him helping? feel free to ignore this i know it's a bit strange💔 but i thought i'd throw it out there :) 💞

I really hope it gets better for you, I hope my shitty HCs somehow makes your day a little better. Lots of love 🥺🤲❤️oh and this might’ve come off more angsty but I promise I put fluff at the end. And listen to this while reading cause it just makes this- 💔🦟🦗🦟🦗❤️

Requests are open! And if you have requests like this I’m happy to do them :)

Also proof read but still might be mistakes.sorry, there might be some triggering things in here, but there is nothing crazy so I think it’s ok 🧍

Before you guys even got together he’d always check up on you.

To the point were he subconsciously did it anywhere, and anytime

He’d give you small owl knickknacks or a snack before school started, or when it ended. Making sure you ate something that day.

Or he’d just try to make you laugh as much as he could during then

But sometimes he’d drop everything, and just give you a tight hug. Anywhere, no matter who it was in front of. Holding you close to him, not saying anything but you could hear him tripping over the words he wanted to say but just couldn’t.

He could tell it was a bad day where you’d come in and just sit on the benches or bleachers with both in mind but staring at the bright fluorescent gym lights. Where you’d just zone out mid-conversation and look at your feet or phone in disinterest. When you’d throw in a sarcastic self-deprecation joke when someone would ask if you’re ok.

Or when you’d have days where you’d stay up studying, doing your homework, and not sleeping for who knows how long when you come in with the energy drink in hand. Or the days when you’d get nothing done, and just sleep everything away and just deal with it the next day.

It didn’t take a therapist or a mastermind to tell you weren’t ok.

The nervous tics, the small lip bites, the impulsive “Let’s do something and think about consequences later!”

Bokuto knew he was just like the latter but at least it wasn’t all the time, so when he saw his bestfriend and crush slowly killing themselves mentally (and maybe physically, he was hoping not), yet cracking jokes about it the next second. All he wanted to do was run in and kiss you until all you felt was loved.

He just wanted to see you happy again

He felt like fainting everytime he saw you giggle or laugh at his antics(knowing Bokuto that has probably happened)

Or when you and Ahgkaaashi would hang out with him at the Owl section of the Zoo and pick out your favorite ones

When you two would try cooking some dish either of you couldn even try pronouncing and it ending in a mess. One he didn’t mind cleaning up when he got to talk to you throughout the whole time.

The times you’d have to turn in your work a little late because you were helping Bokuto cope after losing a game, which he felt bad about but you brushed it off with a genuine smile saying “I can’t leave poor Akaashi with Bokuemo for the rest of the week can I?” “H-Hey!”

When you and Bokuto would hang out in the bird themed cafe on the end of the street from school. And just be yourselves without having to impress anyone.

How you excuse yourself from the group of people you barely knew the names of, to go cry in the bathroom then come back as if nothing happened.

Times where you both forget your in highschool with insecurities, voice cracks, stress, and having to make a decision regarding the rest of your life by the end of it. And just laying in some random parking lot, staring into the blaring street lamp light and the stars behind it.

Bokuto loved it when you didn’t use the jokes to cover up how you felt. Or how you jumped to another subject when he would ask. When you tell him everything you’re feeling.,

The confusion, the way you didn’t know why your mind worked the way it did and why you felt horrible all of a sudden but fine the next.

You wanted it to stop, to have an explanation for the way you think and why. Yet now you’re telling no one, and clearly holding it in. Bokuto was now watching you letyour emotions eat you alive from the inside out.

He just wanted the you he knew. The you that he had so many fun memories with. Not the forced persona you played when you needed a cover up for how you truly felt.

This wasn’t the way he wanted to confess but it was getting all too much for Bokuto to watch,

Bokuto’s tears were streaming down his face as he had you held out in front of him. His body was trembling and his grasp was so shaky it was easy to break away. But you knew you could ever do that to him, or yourself. He clenched his jaw , not being able to lock eyes with you, a painful tug at his heart everytime he locked eyes with your hopeless look. You felt tears brimming your eyes yet you didn’t even know why he sat you down here. But you felt it was your fault, so immediately you let out a ‘Sorry-‘

Instead of an answer Bokuto pulled you toward him, pushing your head into the crook of his neck. You let out a choked noise as surprise, instinctively wrapping your arms around his waist.

“Why...why’re you saying sorry Y/N? I should be saying sorry for not helping you, I-“

Bokuto lost his breath for a second as a silent sob wracked his body, bringing you closer to him. Tears were falling down from your eyes but you could barely feel them as they became a stream.

“Y/N, I love you, I love you so, so much. Why are you doing this to yourself? You know you could come talk to me, I-I’m not the the best therapist but,-“

He let out a shaky breath, pulling you back out to look at you directly. You squeezed his arm that was holding you, reassuring him you felt the same way, but also to go on. Puffy eyes and a tear stained face looked at you sternly. “Please, please don’t keep these feelings to yourself Y/N. It hurts, it hurts me so much when I see you like this. Especially since you feel like you can’t come to me. I-, I-“

Bokuto bit his lip, clenching his eyes tight, forcing the tears that were already threatening to fall out. “I don’t want to see you like this. I love you, I love you.”The only thing lacing his tone is the sincerity in it.

He says it again to make sure you understood every word that came from him. But he didn’t need to. His grip so tight on your arms it almost hurt. But in a way, you didn’t mind it as it showed you how much more serious this was to him.

“You have me, Kaashi, the team, and honestly anyone! We all love you and what you have to say!”

You both give small shaky laughs, despite the situation, the tension slowly melting. He wipes the tears that were flowing down your cheeks, kissing each one after he did. You held each one of his hand. Squeezing them to give yourself courage, and to know this was all too real.

“Bokuto...I’m so sorry to you and everyone else. I- I locked myself away because I thought I would be bothering you and everyone and could just get over it then push the feelings down. But now seeing you...seeing you so much...pain, someone I love hurt because of me. I...I really realize how I was affecting everyone.”

Bokuto tried denying but you shook your head, your eyes that were looking down were now up at him.

“I’ve come to reality especially after seeing you like this Bo, I love you too, and I want to make it up to you this whole week! No, month...year? Whatever. I’ll be better for our future. And you know what, why don’t I help you with that math homework so we’re both gonna get better at something by the end of the week!”

Laugher filled the once cold room with a feeling of warmth that you couldn’t explain. Bokuto leaned in and gave a small peck. You were about to give a small hum in happiness. Until he pulled far back away from you in panic.

“I-Is something wrong Bo? Does my breath stink-“

“N-NONONO NOTHING LIKE THAT. ITS JUST...I just kissed you without asking...a-and I read in a magazine you’re supposed to do that or your crush won’t like you back!”

Silence.

But you interrupted it with your laughter, holding onto to one of his shoulders to not fall over. He had a confused look on his face as he fidgeted, not knowing what to do. “Y-Y/N! What?”

“You’re so stupid Bo,”

And like that you pulled him into a kiss, one he quickly melted into. He made a small surprised noise, but that was the only noise of complaint. The kiss turned into Bokuto giving you pecks all over your face. A giddy feeling in your stomach with each one. Between the kisses you say “Y’know I’m surprised you decided to sit down and read a magazine without testing on the real deal.” His face has a small flush, instead of saying anything he just kisses you aggressively all over, causing you to reel back and laugh harder. He pulls away from the assault and grabs your hand. He leads you over to the couch and hugs you as you both flop onto the couch. You looked at him confused, “Bo?”

But he just turned the TV on, clicked through the channels, until he found one he liked. He looked over at you excitedly, “Let’s cuddle and watch the movie I was talking about last week!”

The genuine excitement in his voice was all it took to have you wrapped around his finger. So now it was getting late and you were falling asleep to Bokuto gently rubbing his hand in circles on your back. And his faint smell of cologne luring you to sleep.

Hey! Sorry if this is on the shorter side, but I tried packing as much emotion as I could into it to make up. I hope you enjoyed this, cause I added a few of my little issues into it so I hope you don’t mind. (Also along with some people ik) I really hope it gets better for you, hopefully by now even though this came out late (sorry really busy this month for some reason🧍) if you need anyone to talk to I’m always open to hear❤️..

[primalsouls]

white rabbit pt 4

langa hasegawa x gn! reader (pt 1 - pt 2 - pt 3)

anon: will white rabbit have a part 4? ( if yes pls pls give them a happy ending hehe ) but its oki if you dont want to, no pressure! i just really enjoyed it and i love ur writing btw :)

⚠️ : im terrible at picking up what's a trigger, so let me know is there's anything uncomfortable!

theme: general

note: ooh my heart 💔 rip white rabbit 🐇🙏🕊 anyway, here's pt 4! :> i hope you like it and enjoy it! and thank you for reading! let me know what you think. :) i really like this chapter the most lol

≫ ──── ≪•◦ ❈ ��•≫ ──── ≪

"Leave... Wonderland?"

"Forever?"

Reki and Langa stared at Adam with frowns on their face. Eyes widen at the words. Whispers surrounded them quick, destroying the small silence that gave the words to settle in for everyone. Blue eyes looked back at the [h/c]-haired skater. Their head still hanged low but he could see the sheer rage their fists held.

"He's saying that... [Y/N] [L/N], the White Rabbit, is leaving S." Miya repeated.

"Forever. Meaning.... They're kicked out." Shadow sighed, shaking his head.

Hearing those words, [Y/N] gritted their teeth and unclenched their fists. They looked up at Adam, a pleading expression on their face as they pulled their hoodie back.

"P-please... I don't wanna leave." They said, voice cracked in the beginning. Langa's heart broke at the sight. But before he could do anything, Adam walked up to them. "I'll do anything, please. Let me stay!" They continued but they flinched when their board was taken away from them harshly by Adam.

"A bet is a bet. Besides, it's about time S gets rid of its pests." Adam grinned. He snapped his finger, a couple of men bringing in a can of gasoline and a box of matches. Their eyes widen. Langa and the rest of his friends stood frozen, unable to believe the scene before them. Silence took over the crowd. [Y/N] knew they couldn't do anything to stop Adam from destroying their skateboard. "You should have won and this wouldn't happen. Remember, it's your fault." He said quietly. And with sheer power, he lifted the board and broke it in half with his knee. [Y/N] stared at him with wide eyes and mouth gaped slightly in shock. Tears pooled up and streamed down their cheeks one by one, one after the other.

"N-no... please, don't..." They whispered, a hand reaching out weakly but it didn't move much. [Y/N] was too shock to move any more than an inch.

Adam threw the broken board on the ground. He was handed the gasoline and the box of matches. He poured the liquid over the pieces, his masked eyes never leaving his younger sibling's face. Their look of terror filled him with chills. He loved it. Such as he loved the finish touch to the punishment. With elegance, Adam pulled out a match and stroke it on the igniter side of the box. Fire bursts on the matchstick. Adam flicked it onto the broken board like it was nothing and within seconds, flames burst to life, consuming the skateboard.

Langa watched with horror. [Y/N] didn't deserve that. They didn't deserve to leave. A bet wasn't even established. So, why? Why was this happening? His eyes went up to [Y/N].

"White Rabbit-"

"They're no longer go by that title." Adam interrupted coldly. "By losing this beef, no only are they banned from S, their title is no longer theirs to claim. White Rabbit is dead." Langa's eyes widen as his frown deepened. He couldn't believe it. This was not supposed to happen. Not supposed to lead to this results. No one supposed to be kick out or strip from their title. Adam reached a hand out. Langa saw how tensed [Y/N] got as the hand grew closer to them. The gloved fingers gently held into the S pin. It was on their collar of their hoodie but the next second, it wad ripped off from them. He threw it into the flames.

"I... I'm sorry..." [Y/N] apologized. Langa didn't understand. There was nothing to apologize for. Was it for Adam? For losing the race and everything they built for themselves? [Y/N] kept staring at the board, not noticing Adam turned his back on them. But his last words lef them in breaking in pieces.

"And don't bother coming home. A wild animal like you don't belong there. Never had and never will." As his final saying, Adam picked up his board and walked away but stopped to face Langa with a smirk. "Oh, and once again, my dear SNOW, congratulations." Langa blinked, watching Adam disappeared from everyone's sight.

"Damn..." Shadow muttered.

"Vanished from S... what a turn of events." Miya commented quietly.

Reki frowned at Adam's disappearing figure before he turned to Langa and [Y/N]. Everyone else slowly departed. Reki walked up to the two skaters, the broken board still caught in flames. Tears continued to spill from their eyes, Reki saw. Before the two could say any sort of comfort words to them, [Y/N] turned away from them and ran, ran as fast as they could. Away. They needed to get away and breathe. They couldn't breathe properly. Their chest was killing them. Sobs caught in their throat when they tried to cry. It hurts them. Their heart hurts. Everything was always their fault. They deserved. They believed they deserved it. They weren't a Shindo. They were a pest in the family. That was why Adam-no-Ainosuke told them not to come home. He was kicking them out. He was probably make up a lie to their aunts to make it seem it was their decision. For the better of the Shindo Family, they would say.

Life truly wasn't fair.

"C'mon, let's go!" Langa said, getting ready to chase after them but Reki grabbed his arm, pulling him back. He winced, the grip on his arm reminded him of the injuries he received during the race. "Wha- what? We have to go after them, Reki." He said, pointing towards [Y/N] running off.

"But you'll hurt even more with injuries like this. Besides, it's not our business. What happened with them was between them and Adam." Reki said. Miya nodded as he walked up to them.

"He's right, Langa. We should stay out of it. They're no longer of importance." Miya added in, crossing his arms over his chest. Langa frowned at the two boys.

"It's probably not the best time to even go after them. It's best that we mind our own business for now." Shadow advised, the other two boys giving affirmative responses. Langa tried to come up with reasons to go after them, but Reki shook his head and led Langa awau from the factory, pointing out the cuts once again. That was the last time Langa saw [Y/N].

The past couple of weeks, they were no were in sight. No familiar white hoodie resembling a white rabbit was found around S. No one spoke about them. It was like they never existed in the first place. As if S never heard of a skater called White Rabbit. Langa tried to find ways to get into contact with them but whenever he mentioned them, he was ignored, shut down, avoided. He was worried for them, for their safety. If Adam truly meant his words, then where would [Y/N] be? Langa wanted to make sure they were okay. That was all he wanted to know.

"[Y/N]... where are you?" Langa muttered as he walked through the park. He was planning to meet Reki at their usual hangout. Although, he wanted to clear his mind out of [Y/N] and the events that occurred. It wasn't their fault. It was his. If he never beef against them, Langa would had still see them every night at S, even from a fair distance to admire them. They would still be in his life, somehow.

"Ah, sorry..." A tired voice said. Langa looked down, not realizing he bumped into someone. He did felt something hit him as he walked, but he didn't pay too much attention. Langa opened his mouth to apologize instead but words were caught in his throat. His eyes widen. He couldn't believe it. The board in his hand dropped to the ground beside him, both hands reaching up a bit.

"It's you..." Langa whispered. Confusion replaced the apologic gaze on their face. "White Rabbit." When the title left his lips, it was their turn for their eyes to grew wide. Langa smiled brightly. "It's you, White Rabbit. [Y/N]." Langa was happy. He found his white rabbit once more. But no more words left Langa's lips as a hand slapped his cheek. It took him a second to register the outcome. A shaky hand of his reached to touch the burning cheek. He flinched when his fingers came into contact. "Wh-what?" A handprint appeared as a light red shade on his cheek. His eyes focused on them. They didn't wore their signature hoodie. Only a black one with dark blue jeans and white Vans shoes. Their eyes were still the same crimson color but filled with anger. And sadness? Langa parted his lips, unable to say anything.

"Don't call me that name. Because of you, I'm no longer.... that..." [Y/N] spat out, glaring dangerously at Langa. "You took everything away from me. You ruined my life!" They yelled, all the feelings they tried to bottle in exploded. Langa watched with a shook expression as they ranted off on him. He may be dense to others' emotions but he could pick up the hurt in [Y/N]'s voice. The way they trembled with rage. He didn't like that. Langa didn't like seeing them upset. Especially when hd was the one who caused it.

"I'm sorry."

[Y/N] paused, staring at Langa with wide eyes. Their frown grew deeper as they tried to find any sort of pity or joke in his baby blue eyes. In which they felt like they were looking at the ocean. So blue. Like the sky. [Y/N] shook their head rapidly, gritting their teeth.

"Oh, shut up. I don't need your pity. And I doubt you're sorry! Because of you, not only was I kicked out of S, I was kicked out of my home... Not like it ever felt like home anyway..." They said, mumbling the last words but Langa caught them.

"Wait? Home... Where were you staying at?" Langa asked, voice filled with concern. [Y/N] scrunched their nose, eyes narrowed. "I swear, I'm not pitying you. I'm actually... worried. I've been worried for a long time now. Ever since you left S." Langa said, looking away from them, sudden feeling timid for no particular reason. They raised a brow, watching Langa's movements to fact-check his worries. There was no hint of him lying. But they still kept their guard up. "I even asked around back in S for the past few weeks. Not one single person said anything...It's like you-"

"-never existed." They continued for him softly, eyes casted down to the ground. Their features relaxed but Langa noted the sadness stayed. No anger in sight. They sighed tiredly, running a hand through their hair. "Doesn't matter... Just stop it." [Y/N] crossed their arns over their chest, raising a brow. "Beside, the hell you kept asking about me? Aren't you happy I've been kicked?"

Langa shook his head right away once the question next their lips.

"No. I'm not happy. In fact, I..." Langa took a deep breath, trying to think on his words before they left his mouth. "I'm not enjoying myself." He mumbled, making [Y/N] take a step closer to hear him properly. They tilted their head, lips tugged down a bit as they urged him to repeat himself and keep going. "It makes me sad not to see you at S anymore. I didn't want any of that to happen. I didn't even know what was going on." Langa shrugged, looking at them with a pout. A pout they found adorable. He looked like a kicked puppy who didn't like the fact their owner left their home everyday. [Y/N] mentally cringed at the thought. What were they thinking? This was the same guy who went up against their brother and banned them from S. They hated him. They were supposed to hate him. [Y/N] clicked their tongue, throwing Langa off the sense, wondering if he said anything wrong. A faint red hue decorated their cheeks. They turned their back on him, hugging themselves.

"Whatever. Whether you knew what was going on or not, doesn't matter. My board got destroyed and I can't go back to S. Everything happened..." [Y/N] whispered, arms slowly fell back to their sides as they watched the sun beginning to settle down for the rest of the day. "I've got nothing... I've got no one-"

"You got me." Langa butt in. The words made them do a double take on him. It caught them off guard. And Langa continued to surprise them. A determined glint in his eyes as he stepped closer. "Reki can build you a new board and we can all skate. Together. We can skate outside of S, anyway. It'll be fun!" Langa bounced a bit in his steps, smiling brightly. "We can hang out together. And if you don't have a job, you can work with Reki and me. You even move in wi-"

"Stop..."

"We can go to school togeth-"

"Stop it."

"You got us! So, you don't have to wor-"

"Shut up!"

Langa blinked, taken back by the sudden outburst from [Y/N]. He focused back on them, confused why they told him to quiet down. Their brows knitted down, hands clutched by their side. The sunset shoned behind them. The soft breeze brushed against their figure out. And if Langa squinted, he could had notice their faint blush reddened slightly. They looked cute. He wanted to see them blush again.

"Just... why are you doing this?" They asked, their eyes looking anywhere but Langa. They were shy. They found it unbelievable but it happened. They were shy.

Langa stared at them for a moment, making [Y/N] nervous.

"Because I like you."

Those words froze [Y/N] on the spot. Their eyes widen, lips parted slightly. The words ran through their mind like an echo. Langa's charmed smile implanted with it.

"And I want to be your friend."

Impossible.

"That's..." [Y/N]'s face was burning up. Cheeks redder they matched their eyes. "That's stupid." They blurted out quickly, taking a step back. Langa frowned a bit, not unexpecting that sort of answer to his confession. A confession they weren't sure if they were happy about or sadden by it.

"No one wants to be my friend. No one likes me... That's what they always told me." [Y/N] took another step back, brows knitted down but not in anger but in sorrow. Every step they took back, Langa takes one forward. "I'm unlovable... I don't... deserve it." The young former skater shook their head, as if snapping into reality. Tears welled up on their eyes. "You don't like me. You don't. You don't, you don't, you don't, you don't," They repeated quietly, hugging themselves as the tears rolled down their cheeks. Langa panicked. He didn't wanted to upset them. What they said made him wonder who told them such statements. They trembled and he didn't know what to do.

Except for one thing. And he hoped he don't get slap doing so.

Arms wrapped around their frame, a hand on their head as the other rest on their lower back. The hand stroke their head as the other ran their back in a circular form. Langa closed his eyes, hugging [Y/N] closed to him.

"Shh... shh... It's okay, [Y/N]..." He whispered. "Whoever told you those things, they... they don't know what they're talking about." Langa took a deep breath. "But I'm telling the truth. And you do deserve it." He pulled away a bit, cupping their face with his hands and made them looked at him. "I like you. I like you very much. And even though I want to be more, I do want to be your friend." Langa smiled genuinely, blue eyes staring into red ones. "So, please... let me be your friend."

[Y/N] stared at Langa, stunned in his embrace. The blush darkened as Langa continued. They couldn't believe it. Their heart pounded little by little with every word Langa spoke. The hands on their face felt nice. The comfort hug was something they never experienced. They only got hurt by the hands of those who dared say they loved them. But, for whatever reason, they trusted Langa's words.

"Please... don't hurt me..."

[09lover]

ramble under the cut!! ofc cw sui/death mention

imagine like.. if he reallt died would the jackalope reporting video for t2 still show a new haruka sprite.. like one where how he felt/looked before he….

or would it just be nothing there to indicate his death… or.. would they draw his dead corpse..? (which is very unlikely)

then what happens if he DOES die? we skip to yuno t3? or do we still get a haruka mv extracted from his corpse.. if that even works and continue voting but this time the votes doesnt even matter anymore..

will muu like.. feel happy?? i honestly doubt so since she actually cared.. im still curious as to wondering if she knew that if haruka’s promise was genuine or not..

i wonder if itll like encourage her to open up more in her mv/vd due to guilt or get more closed off in a defensive way and try to portray herself more to look ‘pitiful’ to like try to convey ‘im also affected too!’ or ‘its not my fault/i couldnt do anything!!’ (basic fuuta kajiyama denial behavior) is technically at fault for not trying to stop haruka despite being aware (ily girlboss but… cmon..) would she sing about him-? WOULD SHE JUST INSTEAD SHRUG IT OFF LIKE HIS EXISTENCE DIDNT MATTER

itd also be nice if haruka’s supposed t3 vd gets replaced with es and jackalope vd where es mainly tries to cope and also (insert tons of angst) or a vd where everyone gets free time and talks about.. haruka… or a really special vd all of a sudden about post t2 sorry guys im being delusional

OR OR!! short (maybe) haruka vd where it shows how he committed or a scene before he attempted to do so…

i want to also see how muu and es would interact after haruka’s death — like would they most surely blame each other? cry together in guilt, in which theyll get along better?? i gen want to know if both muu and es would cry for him.

if haruka did die….. would yuno attempt to comfort es in t3? or simply say that it was their fault for making such careless decisions..

imagine shidous depressing expression when he reached the scene in an attempt to try save haruka, only to find out hes reached too late, finding him with no pulse… holding onto a cold body which was once warm..

would the other prisoners blame es? would they react emotionally and let out their feelings onto them… like ‘WHY DID YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?!’

since es wasnt AWARE of kotoko’s acts in post t1… after learning of it will they try to do something in for post t2..? es please give haruka those asylum cushion room thingies he will take any chance he get to khs… can tell based off his desperation shown in koto bthday tl… ITS HONESTLY HORRIFYING.

i feel like amane will take haruka’s death as an opportunity to critical hit es in the heart because yknow shes now against milgram and them.. smth like ‘see what youve done? the damage youve caused is enough, stop doing the wrong shit.’ then talk about them being correct at the least for inno-ing her tho i dont think she would be all that impressed anymore.

would anyone.. ANYONE POINT OUT that ES WOULD EXACTLY BE LIKE ALL OF THEM TOO?? because haruka dying was triggered due to es’ poor voting decisions (us guys us..)

‘youve killed someone. just like us all, youre no different.’ then es gets a mental breakdown HAHDHBSD/hj

haruka dying impacts them all heavily one way or another.. like fuuta would def link them both together because similar murder .. call es a murderer… tells them to judge themselves just like how theyre doing it to all of them.. cmon like haruka’s death gives fuuta sm content..

well at the end of the day its our fault for not voting properly, thinking haruka was just joking.. cmon if a 12 year old threatening to harm a fully developed adult is horrifying to you how did haruka’s suicide threat fly over ur heads.. (joined during triage release so couldnt vote 💔)

i just genuinely hope that es will do something about this and take some measures, because things will definitely not end well for both haruka and muu. (considerinf that shes guikty and based off my own assumption that a guilty verdict will not stop kotoko)

id totally ramble abt that i think will happen in post t2 but.. shrugs. also this was written at midnight so shhh if this doesnt make any sense

I hope Haruka keeps his promise and try to off himself

(i like him i swear, i'm just really curious about how far the writers are capable to go)

.

[scoups4lyfe]

aguilera then "you're gonna leave me so i'll be alone?" vs aguilera now "you're fired" :(( thanks writers, i hate it!

(´ι_｀ )....

(trigger warning: Talks of Suicidal Ideation)

put this under the cut cause bruhhhhhhhhh

I'm planning (<33 don't quote me on this <33) on dropping an essay on the Deadmans 3 this weekend.

Cause honestly as much as I love Tamaki and want him to be happy and I know this abandonment breaks his heart,,,I have also come to realize that --- Aguilera even tho she was as close to a positive connect/relationship as he was ever gonna get in that cult

In the end was keeping him held firmly in their cult-conditioning.

so,,,,what do I mean by this?

Here's a quote from some of my research:

"The leader may randomly alternate praise and love with scorn and punishment to keep the member off-balance and confused and instill immense self-doubt. The leader may offer occasional gifts and special privileges to encourage continued submission.

The member may be pressured to publicly confess sins, after which he is viciously ridiculed by the group for being evil and unworthy. He is loved again when he acknowledges that his devotion to the cult is the only thing that will bring him salvation." (Found from article: "How Cults Work" on the 'hotstuffworks' website)

although Aguilera was only the "faux-Leader" she *did* believe she was the leader, and so did Tamaki.

We can even see cult -brainwashing techniques on display in their relationship:

(ngl I didn't even realize it until after I started researching cults, oof)

But, Aguilera comforting Tamaki when his friend died, and giving him praise, comfort and love

--- versus her physically choking Tamaki for telling Sakura about their hideout/asking her to come.

And let's not forget that before this, she backed him into a corner and had him nervously confess to what he did.

"may be pressured to publicly confess sins ."

and, after this abuse, did Tamaki leave Aguilera? Did he go back home to his family -- wherever the f*ck they are? No. He went back to Sakura, but not for himself.

He went because he wanted to help Aguilera. Most if not all of his actions can be traced back to wanting to help Aguilera in some way.

"Cults demand absolute, unquestioning devotion, loyalty and submission. A cult member's sense of self is systematically destroyed. Ultimately, feelings of worthlessness and "evil" become associated with independence and critical thinking, and feelings of warmth and love become associated with unquestioning submission.

The leader typically controls every minute of a member's waking time. There is no free time to think or analyze. Questions and doubts are systematically "turned around" so that the doubter feels wrong, worthless, "evil" for questioning. The member is loved again when he renounces those doubts and submits to the will of the leader."

"Once complete dependence is established, the member must retain the leader's good favor or else his life falls apart."

The leader may punish doubt or insubordination with physical or emotional trauma. Once all ties to the outside world have been cut, the member feels like his only family is the group, and he has nowhere else to go."

lol......this fking sucks, huh.

Now, this isn't to say Aguilera is completely 100% at fault for this, because both Aguilera and Oltecca (believe it or not) are also victims of cult indoctrination and all the stuff we see Tamaki going through, is stuff that those two have ALSO (more than likely) gone through -- its why they're so radicalized.

In fact, if Oltecca hadn't betrayed him and Aguilera + if Tamaki hadn't seen his friend be killed by another cult member, then he would've still been deep deep DEEEEP into the cult brain-washing.

And in a way, he still kinda is. His subservience, obedience, and absolute submission to Aguilera are all behaviors tied to their cult brain-washing.

I mean, when Tamaki was Julio he was more than 100% ready to 'sacrifice' himself to revive Gifu-sama. Legit, Julio was going to willingly commit suicide in order to accomplish the revival of 'Gifu-sama'. (And, why? For Aguilera.)

Anyways,,, basically what I'm saying

.....is that Tamaki was isolated, mentally and emotionally broken by the Deadmans Cult, and reformed into 'Julio' ---someone willing to hurt / kill others for the sake of the cult, and someone knowingly and willingly prepared to kill themselves for the Leader/their 'Queen.'.

He was only ever going to gradually worsen and fall back into their cult indoctrination if he stayed with Aguilera. Even once she abandoned him, Tamaki doesn't try and go 'home.'

The audience kNOWs that he at one point HAD a family, because he moved with them after his highschool ex's 'betrayal.' But the brain-washing is still so deeply rooted inside of him, that unless his parents disowned him -- or died, it would mean he is willingly not going back to his family, because he does not see himself as connected to them anymore. HIs family was the Deadmans Cult, and then it was Aguilera.

And now he has no one.

/end of my spiel/

[crystalas]

Affliction

Affliction

A Lego Monkie Kid one shot [yes, I can do those] wherein while travelling with the Monkie Crew during their season 3 journey Red Son’s affliction flairs up and he has to deal with it…with a little help from Tang.

Warning mentions of mental, emotional abuse and anxiety attacks

 It had been two weeks since Red Son had joined the Monkey King’s group which made him question his sanity and theirs sometimes but, it was not as unbearable as he first thought it to be. True the Dragon Horse girl will not shut up about him being an ‘official good guy’ despite him telling her numerous times that helping them will help him get revenge on the spirit that brought about his family’s downfall.

Noodle boy was quiet which unnerved him no end but then again after nearly getting defeated by Lady Bone Demon he couldn’t blame him. As someone who had been on the receiving end of her mental tormenting tactics and making his own father try to kill him, he understood all too well you’d need some time to yourself to recover.

The pigman and the scholar had made themselves the cook and quarter master of this ship and the big blue man [which he found out was called Sandy] kept the ship on course and in shape, surprisingly he was welcomed Red Son’s input on the ship’s maintenance and ideas for improvement.

Monkey King he didn’t know how he was doing because for reasons he couldn’t explain he just couldn’t bring himself to go near him.

And then it happened, a flock of demon birds attacked the air ship and during their battle to get said feathered monsters off their flying base one of the engines blew; causing the ship to tilt horribly and nearly fling all those fighting on deck into the mountains below and the begin began to plummet. It had been a tense fight between the attacking demons, time and gravity as they fought all three simultaneously before Sandy could get the failing engine working again and once, they got themselves more stable easily fought off the creatures.

Now the battle done and everyone working on getting the ship back in order, Red Son stood there before looking at the damaged engine. He should have checked the engines that morning or upgraded them by now, he should have known about the demon flock that roamed here, or at least checked whose territory these mountains were in. There were so many things he should have done to prevent all this and its only a matter of time before the rest of crew realised that too…

Red Son’s felt an all too familiar tightness in his chest and retreated to below decks, of all the times for his affliction to flare up why now? He had too many things to do and he couldn’t show weakness in front of these people! The tightness got worse and he soon realised he wasn’t going to make it back to the sleeping quarters so he made do with the broom closet, he snuck in closed the door and sank to the floor as he struggled to breathe. His thoughts began to whirl around in his head like static on a radio making him feel dizzy and he brought his knees up to his chest in the hopes of stopping his heart from leaving his chest as it started to beat so fast.

He was used to this; he knew what to do when this happened all he had to do was ride it out and wait for it to be over. If he was lucky, it’ll be over in a few minutes or if he was unlucky an hour; he just didn’t want to be caught like this! It was bad enough he was to blame for what happened what if they find him sitting in the broom closet of all thing and worse what if they notice his condition? They’ll surely kick him out for fears of infecting the others!

As these thoughts continued to whirl around his head and he wheezed in what little oxygen he could he felt someone take his hands.

“Hey its okay…its okay, try and take a deep breath for me Red can you do that?” said a voice it sounded familiar the scholar perhaps? “Focus on my voice and try to breathe in…”

Red Son tried to hone in on the voice and managed to take a deep breath.

“And breathe out slowly…”

He somehow managed to do that.

“Good, you’re doing great! And again, breathe in…and out…in…and out…” the voice soothed and coaxed Red Son back into the room, now that he could think more clearly, he saw the scholar [Tang that was what the other called him] kneeling in front of him holding his hands.

“You feeling better?” he asked. Red Son jerked his hands away and scuttled as far as he could away from the man.

“You should wash your hands…in case you get it” he mumbled.

“Get what?”

“My affliction of course” Red Son admitted shamefully.

“Red Son is this some sort of demon thing? Because from where I’m standing you were having an anxiety attack and last time I checked those weren’t contagious.” Tang said sitting down and getting himself more comfortable on the floor.

“Anxiety attack?” Red Son asked “Is that what it is?”

“Unless you demons get something else but from what I read you guys don’t get sick much…” Tang said before looking thoughtful “Though I do need to do more research into that now that you’re here just to be safe.”

“It must a curse then!” Red Son declared “Mother would have cured me had it been something small as a sickness…perhaps mother was worried of it spreading…”

“Was she the one who told you that? That others could catch it?”

“No…I just assumed because mother would… umm…tell me…to…” Red Son mumbled.

It had to be contagious why else would mother tell him to go away whenever it happened? What other reason than to protect herself and others from getting it?

“Useless child! if you’re going to be like that then go to your room!”

“You’re being an embarrassment for the both of us! Just leave me alone till you can be reasonable!”

“Red Son I thought I told you to keep this to yourself? Can’t you see Father and I are busy?”

“Red Son how long have you had this ‘affliction’?” Tang asked gently, Red Son gripped his arms to try and keep himself focussed and in the room. Tang was a scholar and had already shown an impressive amount of knowledge for a human, given he had helped him with this attack maybe he can cure him!

“I think maybe…two hundred years ago? Give or take a decade?” he suggested and Tang stared at him his glasses slipping off his nose slightly as his mouth gaped slightly before he recollected himself and pushed his glasses back into place.

“Sorry…” he apologised “I keep forgetting you’re an ancient demon.”

“I’m still considered young by my kind.” He exclaimed and heard Tang muttered ‘ow my hip’ under his breath.

“Let’s get back on track!” Tang declared “these ‘attacks’ do they happen often?”

“Depends…for a while they happened maybe every two weeks or so maybe a month…but after father came back it started to happen more often…” Red Son explained, the thought of failing his father time and time again despite his best efforts. He had wanted so bad to make up for the blighted mistake that hurt his family so much all those centuries ago, he wanted to make his father proud!

“You? Why should I trust you? You have brought me nothing but failure! Time and time again nothing but disappointment!”

The memory of his father laughing at him and then to declare him a traitor, he knew it was that spirit’s fault but it was still his father’s voice taunting him, it was still his father’s face he would see in his memory looming over him and rushing forward to…

“Red Son?” Tang said loudly bringing Red Son out of his thoughts. “Let’s try something else, what was going through your mind when this attack started?”

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

“I’m just trying to figure this out with you, were you scared of the bird demons?”

“NO!” Red Son shouted his hair flaring up in anger “How dare you even suggest that I, Red Son were scared of such minor creatures!”

“So, what was it that upset you?”

“Upset me?”

“Red Son if this is anxiety then your attack must have been triggered by something, if it wasn’t the fight what was it?” Tang inquired, it unsettled Red Son on how quiet and calm he was being about this. “It couldn’t be the fight itself because you seemed fine during that, well as fine as any of us could have been while fighting bird demons on a sinking flaming ship! But this attack began afterwards, didn’t it? so what happened between the fight ending and this starting?”

He should keep his mouth shut a part of Red Son’s mind told him, he shouldn’t expose his flaws to this human. Besides nobody needed to know about this, he was just going to be a bother to everyone…

“Keep your snivelling to yourself! Can’t you see mummy has enough on her plate because of you?”

“Quit your whining and get back to work! Honestly I don’t need this right now!”

“I…I…was thinking of all the things I should have done to prevent that from happening” Red Son finally manged to say.

“Should have done?” Tang repeated “Red Son…do you think what happened was your fault?”

Red Son froze up at those words, he could already feel his chest tighten. They knew! Of course, they knew it was his fault it had to be who else could be to blame? He was more acquainted with the area he should have known about the demon flock; he should have checked the engine so it made sense that he was to blame. It was always his fault when something went wrong Mother said so…

“It’s your fault my husband was sealed away!”

“I was left alone for decades because of you!”

“We lost the staff because your foolish weakness you pathetic little whelp!”

His fault, it was all his fault, it was always his fault!

“Do the spell!” he whispered as his heart began to pound harder.

“What?”

“Whatever you did last time, do it again!” he whimpered clutching his chest “…Please…”

Tang took his hand and Red Son hoped to feel better when Tang did whatever had done last time but nothing changed he still felt like the room was crashing in on him. The thoughts of what Monkey King will do when he finds him, how on earth he was going to explain what went wrong, what punishment awaited him and how he was going to have to make it up to them spun and clashed in his head.

“Red Son listen to me; did you know the engine was going to fail?”

“What? N…no I didn’t but I…”

“Had someone told you to check on it? Was it your job today to do so?”

“No…I mean I usually do but it looked fine yesterday…”

“Then it wasn’t your fault”

“W…what?”

“Red Son none of what happened today was your fault, how could it be? You said so yourself you checked it yesterday and it was fine, you had no way of knowing those bird demons were nearby. None of this was your fault.” Tang stated clearly holding Red’s hand tightly now.

“But…I…I mean I should have…”

“Red listen to me, we’re not going to blame you for something none of us had any control over. We fixed the problem we won the battle that’s all that matters. It wasn’t your fault.” Tang exclaimed “But you still think it is, don’t you?”

Red Son looked at him and nodded. Why did he feel such relief at being told something that should be obvious to him? Tang should be at least scolding him for acting so foolishly but he just…sits there…listening to him. It felt nice to have someone hear him out for once.

“Can you cure me of this?” he asked.

“No Red Son, this isn’t something I can just make a potion for and fix right away, but I am willing to help you through this. You don’t need to ride these ‘afflictions’ out alone, next time you feel one coming on just let me know, okay?” Tang explained and stood up helping Red Son to his feet. “Are you feeling a bit better now?”

“Yes…” he said softly.

“Good we better get back up top before everyone thinks we fell overboard!” Tang beamed and opened the broom closet door; Red Son grabbed his hand before he could leave.

“Um…thank you…” Red Son said “but please don’t let anyone else know about this…”

“I won’t say a word until you’re ready!” Tang swore and they made their way back to the others, Red Son made a bee line for Sandy who was looking over the damage engine. Sandy just waved and smiled before going into detail about what he thought went wrong handing Red Son the tool box as they discussed how to fix and improve it. Tang smiled and went over to Pigsy who was in the kitchen putting away all the items that had gone flying when the ship had tilted.

“There you are!” Pigsy growled “I could’ve used a hand you know where have you been?”

“You know how we agreed when this was all over we were going to get MK to see a therapist?” Tang said as he started to pick the jars of herbs off the floor.

“Yeah?” Pigsy agreed wondering why this had come out of left field so suddenly.

“Think we could get Red Son to see one too?”

[kashi-prompts]

would you mind doing one where he helps with sh please? or depression hes one of my comfort characters it’s okay though if you don’t want to i understand!!

A/N: Please read the trigger warnings <3 

Rating: M

Pairing: Kakashi x Reader (kind of a thing already but not really, I would say?)

Genre: Angst and fluff? Bc that’s all I ever write. 

WARNING: This prompt contains somewhat graphic descriptions of self-harm. If this is triggering to you, please skip this prompt and take a look at my other prompts for your Kakashi/reader needs :) Be well! <3 

Prompt below the cut! 

* * * * * * * *

You stumbled into your grimy apartment, limbs feeling as though they were double your total body weight. Your feet ached, your head spun.

“I couldn’t -” you had managed before Lady Tsunade. You had taken a breath and tried again. “I couldn’t get to her in time.”

Your friend since birth. Your childhood playmate. Your best friend. Your team lead. How could you have let her down? How could you have managed to not protect her, as she had protected you on every mission. You leaned against the wood paneled wall, gritting your teeth. Your body reeked of sweat, shame and guilt. A dusting of dirt covered every inch of your body, your teammates blood on your chest.

Tears prickled in the corners of your eyes.

“She was right in front of me, but my body was paralyzed from their jutsu.” You had explained.

“How did she -?”  The fifth Hokage had asked, eyes staring down at her scroll, her body completely rigid behind her desk.

“Blades,” you breathed, holding your composure. “To the chest.”

“And your other teammate?”

“In critical condition.”

How could you have been so foolish as to let yourself fall victim to a such a basic shinobi maneuver. Your opponent had stood before you, seeing you lunge at him with kunai in hand and then he was gone, disappearing into a patch of smoke before you. All at once, you had felt the weight of you adversary behind you, pushing you forward with his chest and onto the ground. A prick of the skin on your neck and your limbs became numb. Your teammates battled in front of you, perfectly capable of handling their own - yet something had caused the fluency of their movements to stifle.

You swallowed now, sliding down the wall in your apartment and holding your head. Your mind felt numb like your body had on the battlefield earlier. You had kept your composure bringing your teammate back to the village, leaving your friends dead body behind. He had managed to use all his chakra to defeat the faction of enemy shinobi, only to collapse under your nose as you realized everyone around you but the two of you were dead.

Konoha had lost a great leader that day. Not only that, but your friend. You could have saved her - if you had only trained harder, had better reflexed - been smarter.

You tugged at your hair, your eyes burning from the dirt on your face mixed with the salt of your tears. The overwhelming realization fell over your body. Nausea creeped up your throat, burning as you let out a wail of mourning.

You uncurled your legs from your chest, a clang of metal hitting the floor under you. The room was dark with the exception of the soft glow of the street light just beyond the small window in your apartment. Your reached your hand down, feeling your fingertips touch the cool metal of your kunai that usually hung casually from the leg of your uniform. You picked it up, your face twisting with anguish again at the thought of loosing your friend.

Something prickled under your skin - an old friend, an old enemy.

The realization that some type of relief could be managed hit you, only to be quickly followed by the overwhelming frustration of back peddling into a habit you had long left behind. Could you? Would you? Your grip tightened on the kunai, your face in your other hand as you squeezed your eyes shut, deliberating in your mind.

The ticking of the wall clock in your kitchen mocked you as you sat on the floor, a weeping, afflicted mess.

“I can’t,” you shook your head, drumming your head against the wood paneling.

But she felt the same pain as she died, your mind said to you. Blades against her skin, puncturing it and killing her. You should be dead, you know. She was a better shinobi.

Heat shot up your spine, your teeth milling down on one another. You pulled back your sleeve, not hesitating to turn the blade to its side and pushed it to your skin. Even in the darkness, you could see the pearls of blood forming under the edge.

For a moment, your consciousness only focused on the pain. The feeling of the kunai on your skin - the relief and the discomfort. Slowly, you added another line, and another. Moments passed.

You deserve this. You could have saved her. You could have helped him.

“[y/n]?”

The blade fell from your hand immediately, sliding onto the ground with a metallic thud. Your hands shook, eyes wide as you realized you had never closed the door behind you.

“[y/n] -” A silver haired shinobi pushed the door open further, seeing your curled up body leaning against the wall, blood coursing down you skin. You looked up at him, the streetlight glow from behind you twinkling in his alarmed eyes.

Kakashi.

“Oh, gods-” you shook your head and leaned it against the wall, your mind delirious with thoughts again. Nausea pushing up your throat. “I’m sorry, Kakashi. I’m sorry - I couldn’t sav-”

“It’s okay!” Kakashi fell to his knees next to you, trying to calm you. “I know, I know. It’s okay.”

He reached up, pushing your matted hair out of your tearstained face.

“I heard from Lady Tsunade. I know. I’m sorry - it’s not your fault.”

The light from the hall behind him fractured the darkness of your entryway. You were so nauseated with grief that you felt delirious. You felt the warmth of his palm on your head move away suddenly.

“[y/n],” he spoke mildly to you, “what is this?”

You felt his hand on your wrist, bringing it up into the light. Looking down, he saw the kunai right below it, your blood still dripping from it. You opened your eyes, the skin around them puffy and tired. Your fatigued gaze met his.

“Did you do this to yourself?” a finger brushed over the blood, soaking his fabric glove.

You nodded. Defeated.

You both stared at each other, some type of understanding communicated between one another. Moments passed, your mouth dry with no other words to say. Numbness enveloping you once again. You felt your mind zoning out, turning away from him.

You felt his fingertips on your temple again, his palm smudging the dirt off your face and smoothing back your hair - bringing you back to reality if only for a moment.

“You didn’t have to do this,” he whispered to you. “I know what you’re going through.”

You closed your eyes again, nodding silently.

A few moments later, you heard him move next to you, followed by the sudden sting of antiseptic against your wounds. Grimacing, you opened your eyes to see him cleaning your arm. Your eyes traveled down to the first aid bottle next to his thigh, bandages right next to it. His hip pack opened on the floor in front of you. His fingers worked gently and meticulously, with knowledge of how to tend to a wound. You closed your eyes again, feeling him dressing your arm in white wrappings tightly.

When he had finally finished, you felt your chest bubbling up again. You had never had someone care for your wounds as he just had - not these types of wounds. You swallowed hard, not wanting him to see. But he had and you felt him gently grasp the back of your neck and pulled you into his chest. Your limbs tangled with one another on the floor, a mismatch of different lengths folded over each other. For the first time in hours, you felt your body go slack.

Finally, you let out quiet sob, holding onto his flack jacket tightly. His lean arms fastened themselves over your shoulders. You could feel his breath against your ear, pulling you close.

“It’s okay,” he whispered again. “Everything is going to be okay.”

[caffeinatedopossum]

So I realized that I basically only talked about skin picking here but since I'm semi-anonymous on here, I will divulge into some of the obsessive thoughts I have. If any of you have experience with ocd or anything else that might cause this, I'd like to know what you think because I'm scared amd confused and this is severely impacting my life.

This is gonna be under a readmore though because its long and it might be triggering (mentions of disgust, death, sexual things etc) and also it is just incredibly personal. Please just keep that in mind.

The worst ones are probably thoughts about sexual things- I'm asexual and over the years, it's been repeatedly implied that I DO want sex but don't know it, which leads to severe disgust, anxiety, repulsion, etc around anything sex-related and also fears of r@pe (fear that I have been and don't remember, that I need to have been to justify how I feel, and/or that I will be at any given time). There's also thought spirals along the lines of "Well maybe I do secretly want it..." which just makes everything awful in so many ways.

Anyways, do not imply I secretly want sex. So so many people have done this and it's just incredibly triggering and a kind of fucked up thing to say to anyone honestly. Please also avoid implying that I need to be "fixed" (I intend to work on the repulsion and stuff because it sucks but there's nothing wrong with my sexuality) or that I'm like this because of trauma.

That just leads back to the obsessive thoughts that I need to have had certain things happen to me to justify feeling the way I do. Also don't give me any personal stories of "Oh I USED TO BE asexaul/sex repulsed", anything along those lines. I'm glad you understand yourself better but thats not what I need to hear.

Another thought I get caught up in is thinking about people I love dying, just completely immersing myself in the worst scenarios possible. I imagine that it was my fault and I feel nothing.

Or that I need to prevent their deaths by doing anything I can. For example, thoughts like "my girlfriend will die from overworking herself because she's trying to support me. If I work harder however I can (mostly in the form of drawing, cleaning, or exercising in an effort to somehow become NOT disabled. Even if it means depriving myself of sleep or rest. Spoiler: it hasn't worked -_-) then maybe she won't die".

Or just randomly "x person will get in a car crash/they're late because they got in a car crash", "x person will off themselves because I'm not texting them (leads to >) I'm a bad friend (leads to >) I'm a bad person" Even things like hearing an ambulance siren can make me jump to "someone I know is dying".

God now that I'm typing it out I'm realizing there's actually a lot so I'm just gonna summarize everything else I can think of. There's also a lot of repetitive thoughts about myself and my own safety, health, morality, etc. I worry that I'm dying, that I will be killed, that I'm a bad person for various reasons, that I have a medical condition (I do actually have several which I think makes this worse), that I'll be in a position to save someone with self sacrifice but will save myself instead.

Sometimes I spend hours just googling medical conditions and the like (medicine is one of my special interests though so idk, I don't see that as a bad thing and I enjoy it) or check my pulse repeatedly to make sure my heart hasn't stopped. I worry about having specific conditions, like fatal familial insomnia, and ironically the worrying keeps me up, sometimes for days without sleeping pills.

I also worry a lot that I'll mistreat my pets, either intentionally in a fit of uncharacteristic rage, or accidentally as an effect of my very poor memory/tendency to forget things. It's so bad that I actually have nightmares about harming animals and it's really upsetting :((

Anyway idk if I can think of anymore or if I just don't want to think about this anymore but yeah hopefully that was enough to like make what I was talking about make sense or at least give it some context. Also for context, I have DID and ptsd, generalized anxiety, agoraphobia, autism, adhd, and ehlers danlos syndrome, all of which disable me.

I think one of the reasons I try not to bring up thinking I might have ocd is because I already have so many conditions and I know a lot of people will look at that and see me just carelessly self diagnosing with everything I can think of, which isn't the case. It's true I have health anxiety but that just pushes me to inform myself about conditions. I promise I put a lot of thought and conversations with people who know me and people who actually have these conditions into these things before I say I have them

Me: *stuck in an anxious thought loop where I obsessively consider whether or not I have ocd*

Also me: no I do not have ocd. This is normal behavior that people without ocd exhibit

[dreamywriterinthedark]

Losing you pt III: Picking up the pieces

Pairing: Spencer x Reader

Category: angst, slight fluff.

Resume: Reader struggles to get over a traumatic experience and isolates themselves. They have an outburst, Spencer finds them in the middle of it and offers a helping hand.

Trigger warnings: death, blood, trauma, anger issues, alcohol (please let me know of something was forgotten)

A/N: I don’t know how I feel about this series. Let me know if you like it or what you would like to see. This is what would’ve happened if Linda Barnes was leader of the team. I’m guessing this is a bit of homage to Elle who deserved better. I would love to hear your feedback and whether you want a fourth part. Thanks <3

You slipped off your blind fold, your calmness was interrupted by the broad figure in front of your eyes. The hooded man slowly made his way towards you.

“Please, don’t kill me!” you screamed at the top of your lungs. He looked at you with such viciousness as if he was planning all the horrendous things he was going to do to you in his head. You rose up panting from another hostile episode slapping the light switch of the lamp on your nightstand.

You were on your bed completely exhausted yet wide awake. You could not allow yourself to sleep because every time you did you woke up in sweats due hallucinations and nightmares. You could not differentiate what was real and what was an illusion anymore. You walked to your kitchen pouring yourself a glass of water, your hands were so shaky you dropped the glass and flenched at the sound. By trying to pick up the pieces you cut your hand, the sight of blood on your hands brought you back to that night when you almost died and your boss hardly bat an eye.

Your vision was getting blurred whether it was your brain making you depersonalise or your tears clouding your view you couldn’t tell. You were uncontrollably sobbing. That’s when it hit you, you needed help. You hated yourself for it, it flet like you were a burden. However, you felt guilt creep in furthermore when you saw your phone light up with all the texts, all the calls you ignored making the team even more worried. You swiped the notification from your 13 missed calls making your phone call Spencer. You felt a rush go through your vein, a rush to abort whatever mission you were on, the rush to flight. The kind of rush that could’ve saved your life.

After two rings you hung up feeling stupid, now wondering if you woke him up for nothing. You slammed your phone on your kitchen counter. The anger levels spiking, overtaking the small amount of rational thoughts in your head. You sighed running your hands through your hair. Completely numb, more and more glass shattered on the floor. Once the energy was in too limited quantity in your body. You grabbed a bottle of wine chugging from it in your bathtub like a child trying to avoid family gatherings. You cried until you were too dehydrated to keep the tears flowing, until your eyes were swollen.

The ring of your doorbell caught your attention. Or was it another cruel hallucination ? You were going to ignore it until you heard it be rung once more. You checked who it was through the lense.

“Shit,” you swore, it was Spencer.

“Open the door, Y/n. I know you’re here.” you rolled your eyes at Spencer’s request your back pressed against the cold steel.

“I’m a mess.” you responded trying to dissuade him to come in.

“Your mess is my mess. I’m your home, remember ?”

You smiled detaching yourself from the door unlocking it. He pressed the handle letting his weight make the door shift open. You were brushing with a broom the glass pieces to the side to allow him to circulate safely in your apartment. He saw the blood on your floor, the bandage on your hand; he solved the puzzle himself. You turned to him, no words were needed, he saw the look in your eyes. He cupped the back of your head with one of his hands and wrapped his arm around your torso carefully, gently as if you were as fragile as fine china. You wrapped your arms around his waist breathing in his scent. He pulled away, both hands at the side of your head.

“I want to be that person you can tell anything to. The good and the bad.”

You looked up at him. “Barnes is considering suspending me because I did not follow his orders. Spencer, I had no choice…” he could hear your heart break in your voice.

“She’s not allowed to do this.” He informed you.

“She’s not ?” He nodded in response.

“She violated protocole in the first place by using governmental fund for a case too personal to him. He got his proof only by putting you in a position of danger when she needed it to act. Like you said you had no other choice. I’ve done it before, I was never reprimanded me.”

“Yeah cause you’re a man. If a man kills a rapist, he’s a hero but if a woman does it, she’s a cold-blooded crazy murderer. Gosh, I miss Emily.”

“Talk about double standards.” Spencer said, “You know, she misses you too, we all do.”

“I doubt it, honestly. I was so determined to get her validation it almost cost me my life. Maybe I should just let her know how I feel.”

“Yeah, you definitely should.”

“But what am I even gonna say to her ? What if she’s right ? What if I’m actually delusional or dangerous ?”

“Hey, hey, Y/n. Slow down.”

“Please talk some sense to me. It’s like I’m going out of my mind!”

“It wasn’t your fault. It was legitimate defence. I saw it, the whole team saw it and has your back.” he reassured you, his face closer to yours.

“Should I write her a-“

“No, you’re not doing anything tonight.” He interrupted you. “Just go take a shower then we can talk about it. Sounds good ?” you nodded to respond to him which he, as usual didn’t mind even after going on an endless monologue.

While you were in the shower, he cleaned up the mess your anger made. Once you were done, you sat down on your matcha green sofa watching the sunrise. “It’s already 4am ?! I’m so sorry for keeping you awake.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m a night owl anyways so it’s nothing out of the ordinary. Did you know that falling asleep late is linked with a high IQ ?” he said making his way to you with two cups of tea.

“Then I must be a genius.” you answered half jokingly. “Oh thank you.” you took hold of the warm but not steamy cup in your hands. You remembered Spencer once telling you that the reason why so many dislike tea is because they think it tastes like dirt, it’s not supposed taste like that, see, if the water is burning hot it’s going to burn the leaves and speed the infusion process making it too concentrated. You turned to look at him, he was already looking.

“Sometimes I wonder how you can put up with me.”

“Because I love you.” He never failed to remind you how much he loves you even especially on your worst days. You explained what had been going on, he debunked and dismantled every question pending in you head, every lie your brain told you. It felt like a weight was lifted off your shoulders. For the first time in a while, you felt safe in your own home. Instead of your alarm clock, the sound of the birds were ringing in you ears. You both agreed to go talk to Barnes to solve whatever the problem was that morning. “I’m not going down without a fight, especially not when it comes to that bitch!” Spencer boldly commented to your surprise. You weren’t healed just yet but at least you got out and socialised. At least you opened up to someone you could trust.

You stepped out of the elevator one hand holding coffee, the other holding your boyfriend’s hand. Everyone walked up to you giving you a hug and greeting you. Penelope was so enthusiastic it was overwhelming.

“Long time no see,” commented Luke. “You too,” you hugged him back.

“What happened to your hand ?” asked JJ.

“I dropped a glass.” you nervously responded, you were telling the truth…at least part of it.

“Welcome back!” said Tara squeezing an embrace as well.

“Oh I don’t know about that just yet.” you said to her.

“We need to talk to Barnes first.” added Spencer.

“Whatever happens, we’re with you, Y/n” said Garcia. The others agreed, it felt good to be supported, so much you regret isolating yourself for so long.

Silence made its way into a conversation that was once filled by joy. You threw your coffee in the trash can before turning your body towards his office. Spencer, resting his hand on your back, asked “Are you ready, darling ?” You took in a deep breath sharply, nodding your head yes without taking your gaze off the door.