#it's when you get reincarnated as one of the shitty lives that exist in the past of linear time

[eimearkuopio]

New model of organised religion: combination rehabilitation and education system, no longer a criminal trial.

[sunderwight]

cumplane but it turns out that Airplane very much is a god

turns out that if you're on a certain level of reincarnations and you get electrocuted, it DOES count as a kind of heavenly tribulation, even if it happens because you spilled cup noodles on your shitty apartment's faulty wiring

but airplane wasn't like, mentally prepared to ascend, so instead of just arriving in the heavens to cheers and a parade he sort of got sidelined and fractured into a million billion pieces, which subconsciously coalesced into the component parts of the story he'd been working on

god!Airplane is operating on several unconscious levels. but basically, every person in the PIDW/SV setting? is actually him. he is simultaneously luo binghe and mobei jun and ning yingying and yue qingyuan and tianlang jun and the old palace master and etc, more or less playing out various roles in an effort to make sense of his sudden influx of divine power

shang qinghua, however, is the only incarnation that attains awareness of his past life. apart from the system, of course, which holds onto the majority of Airplane's divine power

when Shen Yuan dies, Airplane senses it and drags his soul into this mess, on some mixed impulse of "no don't go" but also "come and see, see what I'm making, tell me it's good now" and "fuck you for all those mean things you said, you think you can do better?"

Airplane and Shen Yuan as the only actual people in the story, except the other characters exist too, they're just all secretly (unwittingly) the same person. kind of

anyway after hundreds and hundreds of years of this, eventually Airplane sorts his shit out, the universe collapses in on itself, and the only ones left are him and Shen Yuan. Airplane is Shang Qinghua, but he's also Luo Binghe, and everyone else besides. ordinarily this would be distressing for both of them, but since they've actually had time to sort shit out they're pretty chill about it. Shen Yuan had started to figure it out a few hundred years ago. Airplane both had and hadn't, because real acceptance and understanding eventually triggered the world to collapse, and a lot of him had been against that by then. willing to live a fractured life it meant that the parts of him which had found happiness and acceptance could keep on having that

but the happiness and acceptance don't go away when the world is done. even though he was afraid that they would. the parts of him that learned to love himself still do, and Shen Yuan is still there and his shizun still loves him, is still his bro, his shixiong, his everything. wherever Airplane goes, he will follow

Airplane ascends as a literary god and brings along his only true believer (Luo Binghe arrives at a throne in the heavens and immediately sits his shizun upon it) and it's pretty chill, in fact

[harzilla]

*slaps hand on table*

Tell me about your Yuusona. Your twst protag. I love seeing people's ideas and concepts. Are they just you? That's awesome! Are they twisted from a Disney character? Sweet! Are they your way to work through your trauma? More power to you!

One of my favorites is @ilmacore 's Maria. Blessed adorable abuelita Yuu.

I have four currently rolling around in my head. Each one is based on a type of genre.

The first is chubby!Yuu, the shoujo/magical girl type. My darling lil chubby gal who is another member of the sunshine team. The best damn support these boys will have. Her nickname from Floyd would be capybara(I originally had it as manatee but capybara fits her more because she's genuinely nice and tries to get along with everybody). I see her wearing a lot of cottage core, florals, etc... soft feminine clothing. Her ending would have her finding a way back home but being able to travel back and forth between Twst and her home world. You can guess which boy(or boys) might have a crush on her based on these pics.

The next one I call punk!Yuu. The one who fits the shonen archetype. Had a shitty life growing up and was a homeless teen. They ended up in Twst after dying from being hit by a car. Most likely to throw hands for pissing them off. Floyd calls them pistol shrimp. Climbed on and smashed the head of an overblot. Threw Jade at Floyd during book 2's investigation. Protective of those they care about. Lots of piercing and punk style clothing. My favorite ship with them is actually Riddle. Very opposites attract situation. But they have a lot in common(Yuu's father was a worse version of Riddle's mother) Yuu teaches Riddle to live life more freely, and Riddle teaches them to be less rebellious. This Yuu stays in Twst when they find out the truth of how they got there because they're genuinely happier then they ever were back home.

The third Yuu is adopted!Yuu. The one from my previous musings. A Yuu that fits the reincarnated! Archetype. This Yuu originally died in the bad ending timeline where Yuu overblots and becomes a calamity class monster who destroys the world. They were given a second chance at life when they finally died in the first timeline. They reincarnated as an infant and was adopted by Crowley. This Yuu is fairly mellow, when asked why they did something the answer is just they felt like it, but is also good at pulling at Crowley's strings to get what they want. They have a preference for loose, casual clothing. Preferring to wear things like oversized t-shirts and hoodies. Their ending is they almost repeat the calamity when their past life memories begin to overtake their current life after all the overblots including Grim's. But the difference is the previous life Yuu has nobody, but this Yuu has their friends, Grim, and Crowley to save them.

The fourth Yuu I call Author!Yuu. They're pretty much a Yuu who gained so much magical power they became the equivalent of a god. Because they were the first anomaly, they don't age at all and have lived thousands of years accumulating magic and knowledge, even out living Malleus. Their life is lonely and they actually don't want to see another person end up like them. Their magic allows them to manipulate the timelines within a certain limitation. They can't rewrite timelines completely, but they figure out a loophole by finding the alternate versions of themselves they think will give the best outcome for the "story" of the world. This Yuu is the one who figured out the precognitive dreams system to help each Yuu out. This version of Yuu exists in a world where ALL the stories of Twst are true. Fanfics, fanart, game, manga, novel, etc... every story is its own world and this Yuu records every one of them within their great library. Every book in the library of their soul is a story somebody has written about the world of Twst.

So, tell me more about your Yuus.

[uchihakeimei]

The simp-ification of Kaisagi is my 13th reason, I'm not even gonna lie chief. Why, whyyy are most Kiis fics like that. Why is Isagi always the poor submissive uke who cries and begs, like, have you seen THEM?? Are y'all sure that any of them would be screaming and crying?? Let's be real, if Isagi saw Kaiser choking himself he would lend a helping hand 😭 God they're so amazing. And crazy. And sick. And batshit insane. I love them a normal amount, I swear-

And I love red-flag-Kaiser. Him being a total asshole, the master of gaslightining, of poor excuses and ghosting. The dude does NOT know how to handle a healthy relationship. He would go crazy if Isagi ever tried to ghost him for a whole day, though. Like, the nerve.

I'm absolutely living for the current Kaiser, crumbling and falling into desperation. I need to see him at his lowest, where not even Ness can help him up. I need to see Isagi step on him and rise. Yet I don't know how this will conciliate with my desire to see PXG win… My boy Rin needs to step on both of them and take his rightful crown. Ugh, I just love all of them. Can't both teams win?? Ego can change football rules, right??

(You brought up two ships that I absolutely despise too, NaruHina and SasuSaku. I barely consider them canon since it's just a poor attempt of catering to heteronormativity. To me they don't even exist. Yes, I do dislike Kainess, but not this much, at least it makes sense somehow. But Kishimoto straight up decided to pull these two ships out of his sorry ass lmfao) I sure would love to say that I miss Naruto, but then I end up remembering that shitty ending and the nostalgia fades… I do really miss its villains though!

Facts, sister.

I have never really understood the attraction in one person of a pairing being absolutely down bad for the other- like, is it really fun when it's so one sided?

In some fics, you can just see the author bias, like its so blatant- one partner is absolutely on their knees for the other.

(Although, I don't exactly mind if it's a pwp, iykwim, it's okay if that's Isagi's kink, no kinkshaming here ;p

Is it unrealistic? Possibly.

Is it kinda hot? Yes)

What really grinds my gears are the character driven fics in which none of them are actually in character.

I see this a lot in Victuuri fics too- some make Yuuri a total BAMF Badass and Victor's completely down bad for him- to the point that Victor's always the one apologising, no matter if Yuuri is in the wrong too.

Kaiser and his everything- character style, arc, personality- is so delicious, I just wanna gobble him up lol

If only everyone could win in a football match... (Ego make it happen please)

NaruHina and SasuSaku... I could rant about these two ships and the travesty that was the ending all day.

Hinata and Sakura and their obsession over those two was so pathetic. The fact that the boys were given to them as reward for persevering in their love makes me want to kill something. And everything after the war arc ended was a way rapidly drive off all the fans of the series.

Like, even if you somehow look past their shitty marriages of convenience and the sheer insult that was The Last, what the fuck was that Hokage Inauguration episode. The sheer anger I feel at the thought of that episode and the fact that people defend that bullshit is going to make me end up at the therapist. Naruto not getting to attend his own inauguration as Hokage was a garbage joke and nothing and no one will ever convince me otherwise.

Sasuke and Naruto deserved to end up together- and no, them being spirit brothers is a garbage reason to not ship them because it's not even fucking true. Transmigration and reincarnation are not synonyms, people.

Personally, I think Kishimoto also wanted them to end up together, but he wasn't allowed to do that. The official art is so couple-y, it's not even subtle. To say nothing of what he wrote in his own series.

Indeed KaiNess makes a hell of a lot more sense then SasuSaku and NaruHina. Atleast Kaiser and Ness are friends- toxic yes, but still friends.

[aita-blorbos]

Am I The Asshole for not telling my QPP that I (sort of) came back from the dead?

My Queer Platonic Partner (4595 M), who I'll call F, and I (~300k M) got together in the late eleventh century, and we've basically been married since the sixteenth century. (Not legally, obviously, but we lived together and pooled our finances and all that.)

While doing some spy work in France during WWII (on behalf of the Allies) I got another future vision showing me getting killed by this cult of weird supernatural obsessed rich people, and I could tell it would happen sometime in the next year or so. Now, there are ways to shift small details of the stuff I see in my future visions, but I'm pretty sure trying to change anything too major would break the fabric of spacetime, if you could even manage to make a change in the first place, so I accepted pretty quickly that my demise was inevitable and started making preparations (writing a will, etc.)

Obviously after all this time I know F pretty well, and he tends to struggle dealing with grief; most of his friends are other immortals and he only really interacts with mortals professionally. I also know there would be absolutely no way he would just accept the fact that my death is inevitable, and would end up spending the next however-long-I-had-left trying to find a solution and would probably really beat himself up about it when he failed.

On top of that, telling other people too much about my visions tends to lead to bad stuff happening (like an immortal cult leader/dictator from my home dimension, who we'll call C, massacring 60+ planets, attempting to take over Earth multiple times, and basically turning his kid into a living weapon), so I don't tend to tell people about them, a boundary which F knows about and usually respects.

So basically, I didn't tell F what I saw. I got kidnapped, he tried to rescue me but was a bit too late, I bled out after getting stabbed by a magic sword, etc., etc. Now, when people of my species die, we get reincarnated. We're reborn in an entirely new body, and with our memories suppressed, we grow into entirely new people with entirely new experiences. You keep your magic powers and basically stop aging around 20, but that's about it. It's a bit different for humans for slightly complicated deific political reasons, I think? F knows this because I told him about it at some point.

After I died, the wife (? F) of one of F's old friends showed up and told me she was Death and that C was gonna try to invade Earth again at some point in the future and my help would be needed, so she was willing to let me sort of... stick around in my reincarnation (now 78 NB)'s brain. So obviously I agreed.

My reincarnation, E, was born somewhere in the US shortly after I died. For context, F and I previously lived in the UK. I hung back for most of E's childhood because I wanted to let them live their own life, but I did help them out a few times with bullies and shitty teachers and stuff. (They're queer and neurodivergent and grew up in the 50s, so they didn't exactly have the best childhood).

There wasn't exactly a whole lot I could do to contact F when E was younger, and even when they got older, there still wasn't much I could do without fucking up their life, so basically I spent several decades only showing up when E was asleep or everyone involved was super high, so even E didn't know I existed.

Sometime around the early 80s E started getting into superhero stuff, which isn't really my cup of tea, so I ended up sorta taking a nap for a few decades. I woke up in the mid 2010s to find out that F and E had apparently become friends? Again, I don't want to mess up either of their lives, and it seemed to me like F had moved on, so I continued hiding.

Recently, C started trying to invade earth again, so I started sneaking out at night to try to stop them with the help of R (18 NB/M?), the literal only other person who knew I existed. (He accidentally ran into me getting a late night snack while breaking into E's house for prank reasons. It's a long story.) We ended up running into some other people, including F's dad (4622 F), so eventually a total of like, 4 people knew about my existence. None of them knew I was me, as in F's dead ex QPP/E's past life. Fortunately, I was able to convince everyone not to tell E or F about me.

Fast forward to a couple months ago, C launched a full scale attack on the city where basically everyone involved in this mess lives. I won't go into too many details, but during the attack E ended up getting hit with a "sleeping spell" which basically just knocked them out, leaving me in control of the body by default. My fighting style is pretty different than E's, so F recognized me almost immediately.

We ended up getting into a pretty big argument about me not telling him I was still around, during which I ended up finding out that after I died he basically lost all faith in humanity and tried to destroy the world a couple times, and he basically admitted he still wasn't over my death, but he was also really pissed at me for not telling him that I was still around. I tried to explain but F still insisted I should have told him. We're both fairly stubborn and quick to anger, so the argument ended up getting a bit out of hand, and now we aren't talking to one another. I understand why he's angry, but I still feel like I didn't have any other choice.

Am I The Asshole?

(Side Note: E is now aware I exist and is trying to act as a mediator. They understand my reasoning for not outright telling them, and had a pretty good laugh over all the signs of my existence that they missed, but F is still pissed on their behalf about me not telling them.)

[somebodyssherlock-heterodyne]

This is not part two of the Little Mermaid AU which I keep forgetting to finish and post BUT it is another Jonjay AU.

You know what I think would be so fucking funny? One of those 'oh shit I got reincarnated as the villain of this fantasy nobility romance novel' AUs.

Jay is absolutely losing his mind over finding out that no really Jon's just Like That as a person. Seriously has no ulterior motives he's just that sweet and that much of a simp. Jay wakes up engaged to the beautiful magical prince and he's like 'FUCK I gotta break this engagement. RIP the entire week I got to spend calling the hottest man I've ever met my fiance.'

Except he makes the mistake of answering when Jon asks him why. Jay, when he does this, is nervous because he's hoping this works because he doesn't want to die. Jon interprets it as self deprecation. Jay says 'I couldn't possibly live with myself if I forced you to marry someone you can't love.' Jon hears 'my shitty situation re having Henry fucking Bendix as a stepfather has left me with such shit self esteem I believe I'm unlovable and you've fed that assumption this whole time'.

Jon, absolutely devastated at the thought of this earnestly kind, witty, clever man believing himself unlovable, replaces his current number one priority (prepare for father to abdicate the throne) with doing everything in his power to show Jay that he loves him. Jay is having gay panics and some truly spectacular internal meltdowns because he was all prepared to trust no one and only look out for himself but Jon just keeps being sweet and pretty and nice to him and so genuinely set on showering Jay in warmth and adoration and affection. He doesn't know what to DO with it. Jon just- won't stop smiling at him with his stupid soft lips and his stupid warm eyes and his stupid kind face! Jay's poor little gay heart was not built to withstand this! If Jon punctuates one more soft sincere compliment with an equally soft kiss to his hand Jay will go into cardiac arrest and die on the spot!

And they're still engaged and Jay isn't even mad about it anymore but the clock is ticking on the protagonist's arrival and then Jon won't think he loves him, anymore, and all the thoughtful gifts and genuine compliments and hand kisses will stop and Jay will just have to continue living afterwards and-

The protagonist arrives right on cue at the biggest ball of the season. Jay is incredibly confused when Jon... doesn't even notice she's there? Like, hello, perfect fairytale prince, there is a perfect fairytale princess right over there and you are just... too focused on convincing me to dance with you to notice???

(Jay can feel some part of himself absolutely preening at the thought that Jon is that captivated by him.)

Jay continues to regard Jon's increasing obliviousness to the mere fact that the protagonist exists with confusion and a hint of smug satisfaction. Jon continues to be obsessed with devoted to his fiance. The wedding is beautiful. Jay realizes in the nick of fucking time that he can get out of running a country (terrible, Jon would have to focus on rulership instead of kissing Jay) by manipulating Clark into letting Lois run the kingdom for him while they wait for Kon to be dragged home by the ankles so they can crown him king. Jay feels bad for doing this to him, but his desire not to be put in charge of the nation outweighs his guilt at dumping it in Kon's lap instead. He's got Tim on his council of advisors, it'll be fine.

[whitefang93]

Some manga I read this year

Really fun reading in a shitty year of my life. Monster and kaze hikaru are rereads(read kaze hikaru atleast 4 times lol). Kaze hikaru single handedly convinced me to watch Japanese period drama movies and it was blast. Kaze hikaru is shinsengumi bakumatsu era story centred around a girl main character. A beautiful one with slice of life story spun around historical facts that makes reading very engaging.

Monster turned out to be so much fun I came back to being the monster addict I was in 2017. Altho my reading comprehension hasn't been any better since but wow what a thought provoking series. Although the grand scheme of things like Nina and Tenma cud have been more fleshed out towards the end? I just love the microcosm of the series is built around loving and sharing fun meals and like life is a concoction of meals we had together. It's definitely a series that is worth many reads and I wasn't wrong falling in love with it back then.

Pet shop of horrors is another gem.

A shady or not so shady pet shop selling people's dreams(?). I'm in love with count D btw.

Orcot × D felt like eroica's Dorian × Klaus with the will they won't they dynamics.

Maison ikoku is probably rumiko's tightest story with plot progression because it's important to progress the love story here. A young widow moving on in life and leading an independent life and finding love again. You get a good feel of 70s 80s Japan, the slice of life and takahashi's slap stick comedy all in one good package.

Star clock liddell.

I honestly don't knw what to Say abt this series lmao

If you are interested in Rich conversations of people talk abt metaphysics and dream psychology then this is your read. The way the story talks abt longing and broaches the dissociation of one's own psyche and somehow ties into a place of longing and belonging...idk what else to say this is so weird at the same time a good series with stellar art. This read felt like I'm drifting to dreams tht aren't morbidly scary but just unsettling and you long for a curiosity and unknown sense of belonging.

Gabai. Coming of age story set in post war Japan, abt a boy who came to saga to live with his grandmother cuz his mom in Hiroshima can't make ends meet to raise two kids.

Oftentimes phrase of money isn't everything is just hell no poverty sucks...but the story gives a balance to these two sides of it with money isn't everything when you live in a community that doesn't look down on the poor and want to exploit and hoard wealth but sharing during difficult times as neighbors, friends, teachers at school should see it as a part of their responsibility and consious to help one another. The series brought back lots of my own granny memories and the so called simple times when everyone mostly cared for one another. Raising kids is not an isolated work of parents..10/10 and honestly I feel like slice of life stories that don't have this depth and angle are just pointless at times. Giving nuance with time place and lifestyle makes so much difference.

Bokura no kiseki.

Well it's probably the best reincarnations au you will ever read. A series that makes you care abt so many characters and unearthing the past memories of a tragedy and to try co existing in the present world. It's really philosophical at places, about power money and equality. You don't knw what you are in for till you keep reading it and a lot of people keep masking and faking identity so the reincarnation mystery is very fun into this weird cat and mouse games.

Nonnonba.

I wanted to read Shigeru mizuki manga and so I thought why not a shorter one. His depiction of yokai as human emotions manifestations, and tapping into fear, insecurity, traditional folklore, and myths and misconceptions but not dismissive of a culture is very important in his stories. His pencil art detailing is what I feel like digital art might not be able to give...if that makes sense.

Dear Gene.

Yaoi manga with beautiful art. Historical and slice of life and coming of age. I like how it uses queerness as growing up experiences too, the world outside is bigger and more accepting while connecting your roots. A great read.

Sakura namiki.

The S class Yuri classic. The beautiful panelling, with back and forth tennis match between two girls and their bond and emotions flowing so seamlessly between their exchange.

How do we do relationship.

Probably the best manga of romance drama that's not just creating drama but meaningful discussion on navigating as a couple, friends and sexual relationships especially as lesbians in a hetero spaces.

[chocolatte-and-despair]

https://www.tumblr.com/chocolatte-and-despair/745653654345924608/yall-if-i-ever-get-reincarnated-in-a-game-or-novel?source=share

What Y/N from your Antagonist series thought when they reincarnated/died in the Antagonist series' world 😭🤭

Antag felt pure and unrestrained fear which turned into anger. Not only was she unaware why she was sent to such a fucking shitty game, she was also unsure on how to proceed through it.

She was sent to a buggy mess of a game she played as a joke. She was an adult with a job and life outside of the game. Being thrown into a new world, where everyone is looking out to kill you for plot convenience, it scared her.

And most importantly, she fucking knew how disgusting those love interests where. She played the game, she saw the bad ends. There was a reason this game was not publicized in the mainstream, it was not only buggy but also horribly triggering.

One of the bigger reasons why she might came off as way too forgiving in some scenes or forgiving of bad acts towards Mutt or Sans, it's because she knew exactly what they could do, and how fragile the affection system was.

When the whole point of your existence is to die, it's hard to not live without growing a pair of eyes on the back of your head.

[sneverussape]

all right, i'll bite :) for the 4am asks: 12, 14, 39, 87, 100. <3

:3

answering this while a storm rages outside and i’ve yet to have my morning coffee — so this will be…idk unflinchingly honest prob.

12. Do you have the feeling you’ve lost something you might have had in another life - whether it be a person, a place, a world, a language, etc.?

when i was growing up, my parents always reminded us that, had they done something different during their past (dated another person, went to another university, etc), they would not have married each other and we would not have been born. hearing that so constantly as a kid made me have an awareness of What Could Have Been, even though what my parents were aiming for was prob a weird sense of “wow thank god you guys got married” which my brothers and i never gave them lol. i always imagine the scenarios of my parents never getting married to each other and living different lives, but also what would have happened had other decisions been made.

that sense of loss is constant when i think about these things too much - what if we had stayed in x country, what if i had gone to x school for university, what if i had said yes to this certain offer, etc. all of them would have led to a very different life than what i have now. for one thing i’d probably not have the job i have now (a field and institution i never in a million years would have thought i’d be in as a kid), and i’d probably be living elsewhere (likely the US). even staying together with a former partner would have led to a different outcome - i’d probably have kids, live in california, and have a different career/life trajectory. i’m not unhappy with the state of my life rn though, and i think this is the scenario i’d have chosen anyway had i been given the option. the grief maybe comes from the loss of deeper relationships i could have had. i miss the people i’ve had to say goodbye to and are no longer in touch with for one reason or another. i like to imagine that in other universes these other scenarios exist and we’re still having the time of our lives.

14. Would you want to be reincarnated?

no. :)) i want the end to be the end, yknow? whether there’s Beyond or Nothing i want it to be that already. no more repeats, i’m tiredt.

39. Do you know what you want out of life?

whenever people ask me this question, it always reminds me of that scene in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape when gilbert gets asked what he wants for himself, and gilbert says “i want to be a good person”. i watched this as a kid and it really stuck with me. it seems like such a simple thing to be but it’s not. i can’t control most things; i can only really control myself. what i want out of life is just me putting some good out to the world as much as possible, and making conscious decisions that would help rather than harm, even if it’s just for a single person. yesterday my friend was having a hard time but couldn’t leave the house because she had to meet a deadline. i bought her a boba tea and had it delivered to her house as a snack. it was expensive and honestly something she could have done herself but i figured it’d be a nice gesture and one thing to make her day less shitty. i want a kinder world. i try to put out what i want the universe to give back in spades to others. idk that’s all anyone probably really wants at the core of it all, right?

87. Do you anger easily?

yes. my mom has really bad anger issues (likely due to her own childhood as a military brat and being 7 out of 9 kids) and it’s a response i learned to emulate from a fairly young age. i learned to get better control of it as i went through school, copying how my peers and older mentors acted. i think i was always very self-aware, although i don’t know how i was trained to be that way, and i knew anger wasn’t the right response. i’d be seething internally but act controlled on the outside, because i knew that was how to get what i wanted/needed. i’ve mastered it at this point except when it comes to certain people who really trigger a specific response, like my brothers. mannn, the fights we get into. 🙃 i’m slow to outward anger (inside, im always angry with one thing or another lol) with colleagues and friends but when it gets to boiling point, i can be pretty vicious with words. this is also why i prefer keeping it under control because i don’t like the feeling of regret that comes when you say something you didn’t really mean, or something you did mean but know you shouldn’t have said out loud. this is also the reason my sister said she could never be friends with me if we weren’t siblings since i’m far more ruthless than what she can stand. i know that! i accept it. 🥲 i’m working on it.

100. What belief do you have that isn’t logically grounded, but you still firmly believe in?

hmm. idk really. even my belief of god gets challenged from time to time. probably the one thing i strive to keep believing in despite parts of me also accepting its impossibility, is how people aren’t really gone after death and there’s still a chance to see each other again someday. it’s a necessary coping mechanism for me, and though i equally accept that it can be untrue, i’d rather believe it is. i’d miss people too much if i didn’t, and i don’t think i can bear losing them so permanently. the heartache is too much.

anyway thank you @greens-your-color for the asks! sorry if it got morose. it’s the lack of coffee. 😪

have a good weekend!

[forevermagik]

13 video games to get to know me

vaguely tagged by @rarmaster. Sort of pulling from an old tweet thread about this. Ish. In sort of a particular order, but don't think too much about it.

Under the cut 'cause this is long

Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword - gave me feels about time shenanigans and destiny and stepping up to the plate and waiting for the person you care about and character growth and childhood friends. Also reincarnation and the self, and are you who you think you are, or are you who you were destined to be? Very much my shit. It's my favorite Zelda game.

FFVIII - also time shenanigans and destiny and proving destiny wrong and forging your own way and making your own luck and standing up for what you believe in. Also, there is something about the fact that my disc 3 (out of 4) was broken and I had to replace it 3 times just to get past the part on the moon so I could finish the game. Definitely makes it more special I think. The patience and dedication. (Also, I know a game has wrecked me when I'm writing fanfiction for it. And then taking characters from this game and putting them in other fanfiction. (Okay, it was Kingdom Hearts so it only kind of counts.) But I definitely added Rinoa to my KH long fic and have no regrets about it.)

Kingdom Hearts II - Yeah it was only a matter of time before something KH showed up on this list. I chose KHII because it's honestly my favorite to play. It's a really good balance of mechanics, controls, and skill that I feel other KH games don't necessarily have. Plus, I mean, somewhere between here and Days, I had enough ideas to start writing a longfic that basically is the length of 4+ novels.

Dragon Age Origins - I really enjoyed the concept of starting out in different places but coming to the same result in Ostagar. I loved making the best of a shitty situation and getting to know a bunch of people who were also coming from shitty situations but somehow we all were what it took to save the world. And my choices mattered! (Well, as much as they could in a BioWare game.) Also a game I wrote fanfic for - though never finished the fanfic. But that doesn't change the fact that sometimes I think about what would've happened if all the potential Wardens had lived.

Undertale - I feel like this one speaks for itself a fair bit. Being kind. Choosing mercy. The power of friendship. (Assuming you go that route.) But also, consequences of actions. Choosing to be good. The lesbians win. Sometimes a marriage isn't recoverable. Sometimes kids are just kids. The horror I felt when I realized how the game changed based on your kill count? Yeah, definitely restarted and figured out how to do a full pacifist run. Wrote fanfiction for this fandom too. A couple of shorter one shots. Because I like operating under a "what if everyone lives" sometimes.

Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess - Yes, another Zelda game. Twilight Princess is very much vibes for me. Another Link who steps up to the plate even though he was just a goat farmer. Zelda trying to reconcile her past. Midna's entire fucking existence. Also, there is so much that haunts the narrative in this game if you look hard enough. I want to know more about it. I don't want to know more about it. It's perfect as it is.

Super Smash Brothers Brawl - Play Subspace Emissary. I'm begging you. Epic team ups. Character development in a fighting game. Trying to save the world from a greater evil that's destroying everything. Former enemies setting aside their differences to wreck shit together. Some of my favorite moments include Peach and her tea and then Zelda also has tea. Also Zelda, Link, and Ganondorf deciding that the Big Bad is a bigger problem than their differences. So much good stuff here.

Thrillville - This game has everything. "You've inherited a park from your crazy uncle go manage it." It's a rhythm game, a side scroller, a coaster builder, a racing game, and so much more all packed into one. I spent way too much time getting every high score for the cheerleading mini game. Also Event Horizon is the best. I go back to this game for comfort.

Yoshi's Story - This is also a N64 game. I worked very very hard to get to the end of this game while keeping all of my Yoshi's alive. (Did I absolutely reset if I died so I didn't lose the Yoshi? You bet I did as soon as I learned I could do that.) I spent a ton of time trying to figure out how to unlock everything in that game (when the internet was still new for this sort of shit) and I *still* never managed it. I tell myself one day I will, but I probably won't.

Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild - Maybe it's cheating to say this game? It's also the newest game on here because I really focused on ones that were formative for me at a younger age. However, if there's one Zelda game I wish I could go back and play for the first time again, it's this one. That's it, that's the vibe.

Tetris 64 - I very specifically mean this one. There is something about making a square that makes my brain go BRRT. It makes happy noises. I play this game to destress. I remember racking up lines and building the 7 wonders of the world alongside my fam. It's good shit.

Shrek Super Party - Honestly, this one is about the fun memories of playing with my family. We would mimic the voices of the mirror and poke so much fun at each other while playing. We'd compete for high scores in some games, and just accept that others of us were just better at others. So so so much fun and a lot of fond memories attached to this game.

Mario Party 1 - Okay look, you're probably like, "magik, why are there not one, but TWO party games on here?" And my answer is that Mario Party 1 was the first game that my family and I played together that we actually like, worked for a common goal. (Tetris notwithstanding.) Like sure, we'd play racing games and stuff, but there was something about Mario Party when we got our 100 stars and then Bowser came to steal them and we played his map for the first time? And then Eternal Star? I have *vivid* memories of sitting on a chair with a TV tray in front of me with my food in one corner and the controller in another as I waited for my turn or mini games. And we all just sat there, playing a STORYLINE that hadn't been there until then. Except it had been? So, I mean, that is a very specific scenario to me. I cannot do that again for the first time. But that's okay.

Honorable mentions:

Mario Kart Double Dash - while this game doesn't have all my favorite Mario Kart tracks, there's something about the mechanics. Two racers, with power ups linked to racers. The ability to play two people one kart?!? Wild. The mindmeld required to do that and the experiences I had playing with my friend and sibling growing up. Also, Baby Park is insane.

Super Mario 64 - I played this game a lot with my friend as a kid. We shared a save file. My younger sibling was not a fan of seeing this game in their dreams because they watched us play it all the freaking time. We just worked to get gud and beat the game. Before school. After school. Over the summer. It was like, goals.

Mario Party 2 - Costume changes based on the worlds. That is all.

Some non-video game media that fucking rewired my brain that you should consider:

Owl House - I have not been this wrecked over a TV show in years. I have not been this wrecked over media in years. But if you haven't noticed, it's been Owl House hours on my blog for the past several weeks and that's not stopping in the near future either. But there's something about seeing myself in Eda. Along with the tight writing. The excellent magic system. The characters. The parallels. Everything.

New Who - I specifically mean doctors 9-11. Tennant was like, my favorite doctor. But 9 has some amazing episodes. And River, another of my beloveds, is primarily featured with 11.

Middlegame - Time. Loops. Siblings. TIMELOOPS. Dodger, I love her.

So You Want to Be a Wizard - Technically, I wasn't really wrecked until much later in the series, but the way magic works in this universe is fantastic. Also, I so wanted to be Nita and find a manual like she did. Alas, I did not. So instead I write my own stories.

Mistborn - Listen, you do not read all three of Era 1 in three days, make a shitton of playlists, and think about it for hours on end and not say it didn't rewire your brain. (This is currently, effectively, what I am doing with Owl House apparently.)

Arcane - Again, siblings. The vibes. Victor. The will-they-won't-they between Caitlyn and Vi. The music. The vibes.

[theweirdspacejellyfish]

Long Ao3 completed fanfics you can read pt4

A little less sixteen candles by Billywick (Eisengrave) - 33 chapters and 97,591 word count. Description = Waylon Park's got the new school blues as he enters Mount Massive High School. With students like Miles Upshur, Jeremy Blaire, and Eddie Gluskin, it's not surprising how Waylon's curiosity gets the better of him, even on his first day.

The lost and forgotten by Litcraz - 32 chapters and 272,413 word count. Description = In order to save everyone's lives, Peter is forced to give up memories - their memories of him. As a result, he is left entirely alone in a world where no one knows he exists. After finally moving on with his life, a new threat arises, bringing Peter back directly into the Avengers' path.

Tell me when you’re drowning by ThyNameNotSpoken - 34 chapters and 226,778 word count. Description = Izuku is in the Support Course, perfectly happy having given up his dream of being a Hero long ago. It’s just not possible for him with the nature of his quirk. As long as he continues to manage his quirk, life should be easy sailing. . . right? The teachers of UA think otherwise and become particularly concerned when he and Hatsume help in a training course. All his life, Izuku has kept moving foward. It's how he survived. But if he wants to keep moving forward, he will have to finally face his past.

I’ll put down my roots when I’m dead by nicholenarrates - 12 chapters and 110,938 word count. Description = L'manberg is not a place where choices are readily available. Tommy Innit does everything in his power to remedy that.

The past and present collide to form one tragic story.

All the young dudes by MsKingBean89 - 188 chapters and 526,969 word count. Description = LONG fic charting the marauders' time at Hogwarts (and beyond) from Remus' PoV - diversion from canon in that Remus's father died and he was raised in a children's home, and is a bit rough around the edges. Otherwise canon-compliant. 1971 - 1995

The tale of the fox and the dragon egg by SunnyBeeDream - 69 chapters and 314,484 word count. Description = Wei Ying finds a wounded dragon inside his woods, death already looming above. In its last moments it gifted the fox something precious. An egg, in pure Lan white. The lonely fox had no idea what this egg would bring him. Or who searched and found them both in the process.

The neighborhood by AceofNowhere - 21 chapters and 69,366 word count. Description = Lance comes out as gay to his family. Things don’t go so well from there.

Now he’s living with his best friend since the third grade Keith "Asshole" Kogane-Lee, and things now? Yeah, they’re going just great.

Thanks for asking.

The red blood that drowns the dawn by MysticalChaos - 12 chapters and 40,052 word count. Description = Tommy works at a diner, living his little life. But right now with this guy staring at him for 20 minutes straight now? He's starting to think he's about to be human trafficked

Out like a light by LovesickPrince - 24 chapters and 156,593 word count. Description = Eons ago, the Blood God and Death found their two missing pieces, and the quartet was made whole. Meant to last an eternity, it was abruptly shattered when the youngest member was brutally murdered before he had a chance to rise as a higher being.

Tommy just wants to finish highschool, move out of his shitty foster parents house, and get a lot of women. All of the women. His plans are suddenly placed on an abrupt hold when he’s kidnapped and taken to a dark organization called the Syndicate - and suddenly things are falling apart faster than he thought they possibly could as the three leaders of the Syndicate place him under their loving protection, one of his best friends is revealed to be working for potential terrorists, his religious beliefs are horribly shaken, and everyone seems to be convinced that he’s the reincarnation of some ancient martyr. The final piece of some holy quartet Wilbur cheerfully calls ‘Sleepy Bois Incorporated.’

Philza laughs at the name. Technoblade rolls his eyes.

Tommy is just trying to grit his teeth and survive this entire ordeal.

Coveted by WillowTroy - 29 chapters and 110,667 word count. Description = Alphas Chris and Peter have been happily mated for years, but have finally reached a degree of success that could make every alpha’s greatest dream come true: adopting their very own omega.

Not every alpha is so fortunate to qualify, and even fewer meet the personal standards of the omegas they apply for. Chris and Peter are prepared to pull out all the stops to get their ideal mate and breeding partner.

Unfortunately, Stiles might be too stubborn and melodramatic to be impressed, even for his own good.

The boy raised by wolves by Skargasm - 23 chapters and 43,657 word count. Description = When the Sheriff and his wife are killed as a by-product of a turf war with outside wolves, the Hales take in their young son, Stiles, and raise him as their own. Peter – the Pack’s Left Hand – eliminates anyone who dares to hurt Stiles, although he doesn’t know why.

Add the strange relationship he’s building with the hunter’s boy, Christopher Argent, and Peter is finding his life stranger than he could ever have expected.

The rule of three by DiscontinuedWinter - 35 chapters and 70,892 word count

[dyaz-stories]

I feel like Kikyo hates Kagome on the basis that she exists solely because shes her reincarnation and she got to life the kind of life Kikyo never have. Which would explain a lot of things, but it just makes me hate her even more. She was despicable to Kagome, who didn't choose to be her reincarnation and if she's angry at her for shattering the shikon no tama.. that's fair but she gave the shard to Naraku so she has no room to talk. No wonder Kagome wanted her dead or gone one time.

Long reply, under the cut! (I realize that Tumblr does that automatically now but you never know)

Also, as a warning, this post is critical of Kikyo, so while I'm open to conversations about interpretations of the character, you should feel free to skip it if you think it might be upsetting to you! I know it can be unpleasant to see a comfort character being criticized and I don't want people to read things that would make them feel bad.

There's definitely an element of truth to that, at least at the beginning of the manga, though how much it actually has to do with Kagome being Kikyo's reincarnation is up for interpretation. In their first interaction, Kikyo is pretty dismissive of Kagome because she sees her as an extension of herself basically.

I don't remember it coming up again though, but I could be mistaken because it's been a while since I've read the manga!

Kikyo's problems with Kagome do stem from her... maybe not living the life she wanted, but doing things she wanted to do, but at that point Kikyo sees Kagome as her own person (and I'd argue that's part of the problem, actually, but that's, again, up for interpretation).

The thing is that I, personally, don't really mind that as character motivation? Like obviously it's shitty, but I like Kikyo having this fundamentally, though ugly, human emotion. It makes sense, it works well with her. I was rereading these chapters and I thought, again, that Kikyo was such a good villain in the beginning. A tortured, tragic one that you could have empathy for, sure, but a villain nonetheless. I hate her in these chapters, but it's the good, fun (though infuriating lol) kind of hate, and I totally get why other people would like her. I mean, look at how villainous this is:

Again, could 100% be wrong but I don't remember her talking about the Shikon no Tama breaking, though you're right that it would make sense since that was her life's work and she had done everything she could to ensure the Jewel wouldn't hurt people again.

After that, Kikyo slowly gets worse (as a person, not as a character), up until the moment when she does the unforgivable: she tries to kill Kagome and gives Naraku the shards. That part is still interesting to me, because it's a profoundly selfish decision to make, and it shows how far she, someone who had been selfless her whole life, had come. She wanted to be the one to purify the Jewel and to kill him, herself, probably out of pure personal satisfaction (I'd argue she/Rumiko tries to make it look selfless but... it's just not).

My problems with her as a character mostly come after that, precisely because that stuff is dropped completely by the story. After that, Kikyo's dislike for Kagome is kinda just... there? And her motivations for it become a lot more blurry, which I find annoying. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that Rumiko should have spoon-fed us everything. I like having to think about things, in general. But it doesn't mean it was well-handled. Like, when Kagome saves Kikyo's life, this is Kikyo's reaction:

And like, okay, the whole thing is that Kikyo thinks that Kagome wouldn't have wanted to save her, and Kagome didn't even have to think about it. She would never have let her die. My problem with that is that I can't think of a reason Kikyo would have to expect Kagome to do that that doesn't require you to look for complex explanations that aren't all that supported in text. So I can say, "well maybe Kikyo would have hesitated so she's projecting it on Kagome" (which we never see) or "Kikyo knows that she's tried to kill Kagome so it would make sense if Kagome wanted her dead" (which hasn't been addressed for over 150 chapters at this point), but I can't come to a satisfying conclusion... Even worse, the actual answer that makes the most sense in text, I think, is "Kikyo thinks that Kagome would be willing to sacrifice her so there wouldn't be interferences between her and Inuyasha" which just feels super shallow to me when these two have much more legitimate problems than 'you're a problem between me and my boyfriend >:( '. (That's because by then, Rumiko has almost completely reduced their conflict to... boys problems.)

So, that's the thing. Kagome never really wanted Kikyo dead or gone. Whenever there was a risk Kikyo could die, she always did what was necessary to ensure it didn't happen; this isn't the only example of that.

Was Kikyo super shitty to Kagome at times? Absolutely! And I think it's completely fair to dislike her for that. I know I do. I also think that your interpretation of it makes total sense and is definitely somewhat supported in canon. But to me, this weird, almost apathetic dislike that we're shown in the second half of the story is a much bigger problem.

[dontcallmecarrie]

Replying to the commenters of this post [heads up for angst]:

To @kine-iende, who said:​

hot damn. if "our" justin was a mom-friend in their home-universe, here people would start questioning if justin was in secret a very motherly scrull or something (and be fine with it ^^). but yeah, love the trope too. was it "for the want of a nail" or "through a mirrorm darkly"? well, contrast and a what could have been would be lovely. feel enabled, whenever you want to write this :)

.

I am not very familiar with the concept of Skrulls [...iirc, that’s something introduced in Captain Marvel, which I have yet to get around to], but yeah, that tracks. Assuming it’s a thing they know to look for, though, because here Justin’s being themself is the biggest and most obvious way to establish that they are not canon!Justin.

Sure, they’re identical physically, but the moment either Justin opens his mouth, the jig’s up. 

As is, not five minutes into this strange hellscape where their oldest rival looked at them with no small amount of disdain in his eyes at first, Justin had already managed to charm their way out of holding and into a very relaxed “we’ll keep an eye on him” Avengers custody. 

Well, on paper at least— in reality, most of the team doesn’t really give a damn one way or another, whereas Tony starts out morbidly curious as to just how different NHDD!Justin is to the one he’s used to dealing with, and ends up getting a concentrated dose of All The Feels™ because the moment NHDD!Justin realized this Tony had a metric buttload of undiagnosed-and-constantly-belittled mental health issues and a support system that was equal parts duct tape and caffeine, he went “oh, so this universe is the Hell Timeline, okay, makes sense :) :) :) dammit Ivan you’d better fix this stat”. 

In retrospect, Justin’s not sure when exactly the horror show started; if it was the absolute lack of concern or care the Avengers had for their Tony, or the minute they noticed the gauntness in his face. Maybe the tension between Iron Man and Captain America, or the obvious bravado this Tony used– and the fact that none of the others so much as noticed.

All Justin knows is, a version of someone they care about is hurting, hurting badly and has been for a long time now, and that’s more than enough for them to go “oh, okay, mine now”.

.

For his part, Tony has no idea what the hell’s going on. The non-annoying Justin Hammer who crash-landed an Avengers debrief is...something else, and he’s torn between shock, pleasant surprise, and no small amount of existential angst and jealousy because in the span of a few hours, Tony’s had a brief taste of what some other version of him had for a lifetime, and...

Tony’s not sure how he feels about it. He’s a genius, he can wrap his head around string theory and all that good stuff, but numbers are one thing, having to live with the fact that somewhere out there, a version of him grew up with someone so unfailingly kind and supportive and—Tony can’t think of a better word for it than nurturing— and, in the span of seconds, had been able to call him out on his bullshit and seemed to instinctively push him to be better but not in the demanding way his father or the rest of the world had—

If he thinks about it too long, it makes him want to cry, just a little. Somewhere out there was a Tony who’d been enough for someone, who had never been asked to change himself, who’d been pushed up instead of repeatedly torn down and he didn’t know how to deal. 

He’d thought having a non-annoying Justin around would be funny.

This was not, it was goddamn distressing is what it was, because Tony hadn’t even known it was a possibility but now he is acutely aware of the fact that he got stuck with his Justin— the human embodiment of one of those yappy dogs who nipped at people’s heels thinking they were so tough, despite not being able to back it up.

This Justin was, uh, not that. Tony wasn’t sure if he was always like this, or if it was only with him because he shared a face with someone Justin cared about, but... was he always this much of a mom friend? And where’d that granola bar even come from, anyway? Not that he minded, it was a nice change of pace, but really?

...Tony was really going to miss him, once they figured out a way to send him back home.

.

To the commenter who said:

Stephanie isn’t a canon character, is she? Because if not, NHDD!Justin might be able to pull off a “the birth of my little sister awakened my previously deeply buried parental instincts” to explain his whole… [gestures uselessly].

.

Technically, she could be, in that Justin Hammer has a sister and nephew in canon [according to the wiki and a deleted scene, apparently]. I chose to make her a younger sibling in NHDD, to really emphasize the ‘reincarnated with shitty memory’ aspect of this AU. Specifically, while it’s never specified, Justin’s past life was...not great, and part of it was the fact that their younger sibling was sick. 

With what, they don’t remember anymore, but sick enough that they know health isn’t something to take for granted; sick enough that towards the end, they remember their parents had to choose between paying hospital bills and electricity, remember going to bed hungry because meds were expensive and their next paycheck wasn’t until Friday.

...suffice it is to say, there’s a reason Justin’s so protective of those he cares about, even if his memories faded a bit on the specifics as time went by.

To be fair, canon!Justin also cares for his sister and nephew; it’s just that NHDD!Justin acted more like a third parent than a sibling, once Stephanie was born. 

Bear in mind that canon!Justin’s situation is very different than NHDD!Justin’s, because canon!Justin was basically set up to fail from the start as a normal kid who was constantly compared to a child prodigy two years younger than him and terrible parents. While NHDD!Justin’s situation is similar on the surface, the difference is they’re literally a reincarnated OC, with all the baggage that entails.

Maybe, if their second life hadn’t been surrounded by adults with A+ Parenting Skills, 0/10 Do Not Recommend, their issues and traumas from last time wouldn’t have been exacerbated. If they’d been born to a regular family, Justin would’ve been a good kid but nothing special, and their memories of a past life would’ve faded away by the time they hit puberty.

But instead, they were born to the Hammer family, and proceeded to be put through the wringer. 

Which is bad enough, and meant they immediately started leaning hard on everything from their past life because these people wouldn’t know good parenting if it bit them on the nose, but...then Justin’s little sister was born, which immediately kick-started every older sibling instinct they’d ever had because last time they’d been responsible for their younger sibling’s health and safety and you can probably see where this is going. 

aka yes, some of Justin’s behaviors could arguably be called trauma responses and/or coping mechanisms and it’s something I only realized as I was writing this, and no, this AU was not supposed to be this messed up

Justin’s responsibility, their willingness to deal with shitty parents and do tremendous amounts of emotional labor if it helped anyone they took under their wing? That’s no accident, that’s what happens when a soul has to be the adult, has to step up because nobody else is going to. There’s a reason Justin has so much disdain for Hank Pym and Howard Stark’s immaturity, why they have so little patience for their parents as time goes on; their mental age means the older they get, the more they’re looking at the adults around them and judging them hard.

...ahem. Sorry for getting a bit off-topic, but hey, at least now you know a bit more about what’s going on inside Justin’s head!

And yeah, if he had to bs an explanation for why he’s such a mom friend, Justin’d be more than happy to point to his little sister as an excuse. So long as they know she exists, anyway; if not, he’ll just laugh it off and try to chalk it up to one of the differences between their universes.

.

edit to remove the stuff that got through my nonexistent brain-to-mouth filter because I was averaging a not-optimal amount of sleep as I got used to my new job

[llogllady99]

Au revoir

CHARACTERS |  Levi, Erwin, Hange, Mike, Nanaba, Petra, Kuchel

RELATIONSHIPS | Erwin x Levi, Mike x Nanaba, Petra x Hange

GENRE | Reincarnation, Smut, Romance

IV | Alternate Universe- Reincarnation. Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Romance, Smut, Angst and fluff and smut, French Levi, Student Levi, Writer Erwin, Light angst, Alternate Universe - Coffee shops.

Summary | “Puis-je vous aider ?” That voice, the familiar voice. It rang through his head and brought back memories of the man he had tried to find for so long. He lifted his gaze and was met with the sight of no one other than Levi freaking Ackerman, cleaning a cup, completely oblivious to him.“

Levi.” 

Erwin and Levi meet again in the modern world.Series

-

Levi will never admit to anyone that he thoroughly enjoyed reading romance novels. Yes, they were a bit too cheesy for his liking and maybe some of the passage were kind of forced, but the way they made his stomach drop and heart flutter was enough to keep him buying one novel after another. His first novel of such kind was: Madame Bovary, a book which he stole when his mother was away at work. At the green age of 12 Levi hid in the house’s library, right behind the couch and began absorbing the words hungrily, gaping and gasping in shock whenever Emma’s affair with Rodolphe or Leon would appear in the book. He didn’t necessarily enjoy the story as it was quite bland compared to the romcoms he and his mother would watch on Sundays, but was instead mesmerised by the rose scented perfume that lingered among the pages, a phenomenon which he didn’t encounter in other books because, as his mother told him later, Madame Bovary had been a vessel for Kuchel to deliver her love letters to the post office back when she was younger.

Coincidently, Levi was now holding the same book, enjoying it with a little more fervour and fascination as he himself, in his twenty-one years of life, had experienced some form or pretence of love at some point with maybe two or three of his lovers. Wetting his finger he turned the page and finished what was left of the chapter he was currently reading. He let the book down and stared out the window of the train he was embarked on in other to return to his childhood home: Marseille, France.

Levi remembered his past life. This life had treated him extremely kindly, almost as if the universe was apologising for the hell it put him through the last one. He was born and raised in the countryside, his childhood being characterised by stealing from vineyards, scraped knees, and dirty faces, a fun and ideal childhood. His mother, although having gone through a divorce when he was small, was now well and alive, indulging herself with a quality lifestyle and relaxing hobbies; his home forever full of jamon, quality wine, fresh sea food, and oil paintings in easels  adjourning his hilltop village house’s balcony crowded with red boungainvillea. He had met Hange and Petra in the same village at the sea on a hot summer’s day, introducing himself brusquely, startling the girls, who lacked even an inch of recognition for him in their eyes. Levi quickly realised that not everyone remembered their past life and as such he should keep quiet. Nonetheless, the three quickly became inseparable, their bond not destroyed but only slightly deterred when him and Hange left for university, leaving Petra back home alone. Levi had left to study architecture at the university of Sorbonne and Hange to England to study Medicine at the Imperial College of London, surprising both herself and her friends when she had only applied at the university on a whim not even half expecting to get accepted, but she was the smartest person he knew and if anyone deserved it then it would undoubtedly be her.

Apart from them, Levi had not encountered anyone else from his past life, and by anyone else he only meant Erwin, his blonde, tall, and handsome commander. It was a disappointment that after so much time he still hadn’t managed to meet him, one which left him with an enormous hole in his stomach that would only get bigger every time he allowed himself to think about his past lover. He eventually lost hope and stopped looking for him all together. He had not told Hange and Petra about him however, instead choosing to keep his existence and unsuccessful search all to himself. After all, it is simply expression that gives reality to things. Never mind the fact that he would sound batshit crazy, but if he would have opened his mouth and openly voice the fact that he had not found him yet, then there would have been chances of not meeting him at all. He was still clinging to a thin thread of hope that Erwin will keep his promise of them reuniting again eventually.

At once, the train pulled in Marseille’s train station with a deafening horn, its locomotive letting out clouds of white vapour that swirled fast up in the azure sky, and announced its passengers that they have reached their destination. Levi stepped on the platform, and dragging his black suitcase behind him, he inhaled the fresh country air as a warm feeling came over him. He had arrived home.

-

On the other side of the globe, free lance writer Erwin Smith was packing his suitcase hurriedly, throwing clothes chaotically in his suitcase. He was terribly late for his flight.

Summer always turned unbearably hot in Miami, the dry heat and the omnipresent smell of sweat managing to deeply irritate Erwin. That had been his initial plan for the summer: change shirt after shirt as he walked the road from his apartment, a small 2 bedroom space that lacked air conditioners and that would turn into a literal oven during the hotter months of the year, and his publisher. Therefore, when Mike and Nanaba invited him to celebrate together their anniversary in Marseille, France, he didn’t hesitate to agree, he actually did with so much desperation that he worried even himself. He had quickly called his publisher making up some shitty excuse to extend his deadline, spattering something about how the sweet mediterranean breeze will to wonders to his inspiration. He lied, and quite horribly so, he had finished the chapter he was due but hadn’t edited it yet, a chore which he assigned himself for when he would return. Quickly closing his suitcase and praying that he didn’t leave everything behind, he ran out the apartment and waved his arm frantically in the direction of a cab that happened to be passing by.

Erwin also happened remembered his past life, something he cursed and treasured at the same time. He treasured the memory of Levi but cursed whenever he would wake up in the middle of the night covered in sweat screaming as he felt the phantom pain from when he lost him arm, something that had somehow followed him into this life also. Just like Levi, Erwin also learned that not everyone remembered their past life. His first such experience had been when he woke up screaming when he was small due to a very unpleasant memory, one filled with titans, blood and the death of his comrades. His father had come to comfort him but dismissed everything as just a nightmare that sprouted from Erwin’s wild imagination. At the age of 16 he started writing everything he remembered before being reincarnated and then at the age of 24 after graduating from university he published a book retelling his story. Society, just like his father, quickly dismissed it under the false and shallow pretension of fiction. Erwin didn’t mind, and at an interview when he was asked what had inspired him to write such a masterpiece, he simple answered: “It’s as if I’ve lived this life before”. In retrospect, a bold statement, but one that had triggered incredulous looks and nervous laughs. It didn’t matter, as long as he was the one that knew the truth.

At the airport, he was met with a very angry Nanaba, that proceeded to punch him in the shoulder as soon as she spotted him coming through the automatic sliding doors, dressed with cargo short pants, white t-shirt and one of those hawaiian shirts, espadrilles not missing from completing his outfit. He apologised and shook Mike’s hand, that came up from Nanaba, trying to calm his petite lover from ending Erwin’s life then and there. His friends, like everyone else he had become acquainted with in this life, did not remember their past lives. They had met in college when he tried to hit on Nanaba and earned himself a punch from Mike, who apologised shortly after and bought him a drink.

“You are well aware we’re going to France, right?” Mike eyed his outfit, and scrunched his nose in something close but not quite to disgust.

“The eccentric writer facade ain’t holding up anymore, you seriously need to change outfits.” Nanaba also joined in.

“I was up writing, thence the messy outfit. I do actually have fancy clothes packed.” Erwin retorted, trying to save himself from their scrutinising gazes.

“Good, because I want to enjoy some of those pretentious wines they’re so famous from at one of those expensive terraces that overlook the sea without wanting to crawl under the table from being seen with a hobo like you. Now come on, plane’s not waiting for anyone.” Nanaba flipped him off, her way of reprimanding him.

“Au revoir America, bien venue France!” Erwin exclaimed, mixing french with english.

“How much did it take to learn those?” Mike asked, amused.

“Only 3 thorough Duolingo lessons, of course.”

-

Levi pushed the door of the little vintage cafe open and was immediately met with the sight of Hange engaging in quite a heated make-out session with Petra. His arrival at home yesterday was met with nothing more than pure joy, as he was bombarded by his mother’s kisses as soon as he walked into the house. They spent a quiet evening on the balcony, enjoying some tea and simply talking the evening away. It felt good to return, he missed the salted air, the chilly breeze, the pink flowers and green bushes, and the exquisite view of the mediterranean sea. Later, when the mosquitoes had started to annoy them, Levi and Kuchel retired back inside the living room, where he was urged by her to play her favourite piece on the piano that had dust on it from never being used anymore. Upon the arrival of the next day, Levi headed to Petra’s cafe, a small vintage shop, which she had opened up quite recently after successfully raising the funds necessary. It was right in the middle of the hill, its glass windows giving a clear view of the stony road and orange coloured walls and roads of the city.

“You guys should get a room, it’s gross.” He said, not one bit of disgust lacing his words. He truly was happy to see his friends again.

“Levi!!!!!” Hange squealed and broke away from Petra, practically jumping over the counter before she threw herself in his arms, hugging him tightly. Petra’s behaviour was hardly any different, surging on the other two and tumbling all three of them down to the floor. They stayed like that for a few minutes until the first customer of the day arrived with an awkward cough to get their attention. For the rest of the day, they chatted quietly, each with a cup of special Petra coffee in their hands, reminiscing about old childhood memories and the things they did while they were apart. Hange had successfully landed an internship at a renowned research company back in London and Petra bought her first place, somewhere they would surely go after she closed the cafe.

“So how’s it going for you Levi? You seeing anyone?” Hange interrupted a peaceful silence then took another sip of her coffee, eyeing him curiously.

“Well, no not really. I guess I’m still waiting for the right person.” Levi replied, his mind drifting off involuntarily to Erwin.

“That’s a pity, tell him Petra!”

“I guess so.” The strawberry blonde sighed, scrubbing the counter. She looked troubled, stressed if Levi knew any better.

“Everything all right?” He asked, hoping she would tell him what was bothering her.

“Theoretically yes, the cafe’s been growing in popularity and the number of costumers has increased exponentially and it has become harder and harder for me to keep up. It’s afternoon and I’m already exhausted.”

“Hire someone to help you.” He offered.

“I would have, I even put up a sign a while ago asking for help, but it’s summer and you know how it is. Everyone would rather bathe than work.” Petra leaned on the counter, huffing exhausted.

“You know, Hange and I could help you if you’d like, until the summer’s end and till you find someone.” Levi scooted over closer to Petra and placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Sure! There is nothing we’d rather do, Pet.” Hange joined in, assuring her girlfriend.

“You guys, thank you.” Petra smiled brightly, exhaling in relief.

-

Their first day in Marseille had been spent at the beach until they were all fried. Well, Erwin had managed to get a nice tan, save for the red slight burns on his shoulders, those didn’t count. Nanaba had made sure to use sunscreen, but with her pale skin tone, she had turned into a lobster by mid afternoon. Deciding that it was enough sun for today, the three settled on exploring the city, in particular the ports, where smell of fresh caught fish would imbue their noses, the hill village, the sights recommended on the internet, like the colourful Noailles Market, Musée des Civilisatons de l’Europe et de la Méditerranée, and following a maniacal Nanaba that sprinted through every shop in La Panier.

As six o’clock came by, hunger made its presence known in their stomachs, they started searching for a restaurant. With an immense amount of luck and without too much time spent looking, the three had found themselves in Restaurant Peron, escorted to a four persons table right next to the clear glass that provided them with an extraordinary view of the sea, admiring the calm relentless waves and snow white moon that reflected itself on the clear water. When the waiter came, Erwin ordered, putting on his best french accent.

“Un Ricard, s’il vous plait.” He managed to make a fool out of himself, sounding exactly like an ignorant American. Un Ricard was an alcoholic beverage made with aniseed and spice that turns an enticing shade of yellow once water is added, a local must try. Nanaba ordered herself an Aperol sprits and Mike a whiskey on the rocks. The waiter bowed and went to get their drinks. While they waited the three engaged in casual conversation, their voices accompanied by the low murmur of the sea and other people’s conversation.

“I believe this has been quite a successful weekend, don’t you think, honey?” Nanaba asked Mike, leaning her face on her hands.

“Indeed. Happy 5th Anniversary, Nanaba!” Mike kissed her cheek tenderly. Erwin watched the display with nothing more than pure envy. It wasn’t fair that they had found each other despite not knowing their past life, it was utterly infuriating and it made Erwin seethe with anger and frustration, both emotions directed more at himself because he had not found him yet, Levi, his lover, his everything.

“Excuse me, monsieur. I brought the drinks.” The waiter interrupted them, making Erwin forever grateful as he was not sure how much more he could bare. He bowed and retrated, leaving them to enjoy their drinks. The Ricard Pastis Erwin had ordered had a creamy texture and yellow colour, bringing the glass to his lips, he tasted it, immediately scrunching up his nose from how strong it was. It wasn’t that he wasn’t used to it, god knows his college years hard served for so much, so many nights spent drowning vodka and absinth bottles, he just hadn’t expected it to be so strong, he thought it would be like Nanaba’s Aperol, slightly bitter and sweet. Mike was sipping slowly on his whiskey and asked:

“Any plans for tomorrow?”

“How about we stick to just visiting the town, my skin can’t take any more sun.” Nanaba proposed, hinting to her burnt shoulders that were covered with a very nice white blouse. Mike and Erwin both agreed.

-

Levi fumbled with the speakers’ wire trying to get them to connect with his phone. It was his first shift today together with Petra, Hange will come later tonight to take his place, something completely unnecessary as he would stay anyway. It was his turn to choose the playlist and he resorted to a simple jazz playlist that would blend in nicely in the background acting as white noise. Once that was settled, he wrapped around himself the black apron with the shop’s logo on it and went up to the counter, patiently waiting for the first costumer.

-

Their second day in Marseille was spent indulging in even more sightseeing. Nanaba woke them up at the crack of dawn, excited and completely oblivious to Mike’s and Erwin’s sower moods, dragging them with her to their first destination: Basilique Notre-Dame de la Garde. Located in a breathtaking hilltop, this spectacular church is the most important landmark in Marseilles. The site was used in ancient times as an observation point, and during the Middle Ages, was the location of a pilgrimage chapel. Erwin enjoyed the renaissance architecture, admiring the big hemispherical dome with a big golden cross on top of it, the golden statuette of what he reckoned was Virgin Mary, the symmetrical high arches, and smaller, little angel statues. It was truly a sight to behold. Their next destination was also a historical landmark: Abbaye Saint-Victor, a house of worship once belonged to an abbey founded in the 5th century. The abbey's basilica is one of the oldest buildings in Marseilles that is still intact, with foundations dating back to Early Christian and Carolingian times. With its crenellated walls and towers, the foreboding exterior has the feel of a medieval fortress. Inside, the basilica reveals a simple and somber design, which gives it a special aura. The crypt houses sarcophagi of the 4th and 5th centuries, as well as the 11th-century tombstone of Abbot Isarnus. It fascinated Erwin immensely, so much so that he filled his gallery with the amount of selfies and normal pictures he took.

He lied when he said he would find his inspiration here, but he was not so sure that it was true. The city’s architecture and overall way of being, from the local’s lifestyle, to its history and vibe, Erwin was sure to use all of this while working on his new book. Wether he would add a spin off in the book, or make references and parallels to everything he saw here.

It was now mid-afternoon and Erwin was exhausted, the sun constantly warming his head had not done a great job of comforting him in the slightest. They were now in Le Panier again, Nanaba having decided that she did not see all of it the day before and that it was absolutely mandatory they go again. Not wanting to be a burden, although he would have much rather gone to his room, Erwin agreed and set on following closely the two before him who were very much engrossed in their own little world. The old town, like any other part of Marseille they had visited, was also magnificent, with its romanesque architecture, houses that were colourful and joined together, and paved streets. It also housed a lot of shade, making him able to cool down and gather up whatever strength he had left.

The thirst he had tried to ignore for the better part of the day had become unbearable, his throat dry like a desert. As such, Erwin made it his mission to find some place from where he could purchase a water bottle. They passed by jewellery stores and artisan themed shops, displaying their handmade products, like dresses with weird designs from cottons, crystals, wooden scultpures, etc. Finally, in a corner, they had found a small cafe: Haricots vapeur de Petra. Quite a long name for a cafe but who was he to judge. He asked Nanaba and Mike if they wanted to join him but they quickly refused, instead choosing to go ahead. Erwin announced them that they will be seeing each other at the hotel before dinner. That way he could spare a few hours relaxing at the small tables placed outside the cafe, enjoying whatever drinks they were serving. He pushed the front door open and was immediately assaulted by the scent of fresh brewed coffee. The cafe was very nice, inside was quite chilly as there was the air conditioner blowing. Its walls were made of brick, from them hanging several plants, portraits, and drawings of people having coffee and the like. It had small circular tables with purple plush chairs that contrasted perfect to the black counter that housed pastries of all kinds: croissants (of course), pains au chocolate, cinnamon rolls, and macarons of all kinds of colours. It was just like an ordinary American cafe.

“Puis-je vous aider ?” That voice, the familiar voice. It rang through his head and brought back memories of the man he had tried to find for so long. He lifted his gaze and was met with the sight of no one other than Levi freaking Ackerman, cleaning a cup, completely oblivious to him.

“Levi."

-

“Levi.”

That voice. It couldn’t be could it? Levi refused to look up, he was imagining things, it was because of the song, the song he played the man a life time ago. We’ll meet again was playing through the cafe’s speakers, it was only natural he would be thinking back to when he visited Erwin’s grave one last time. With his hands now shaking he continued to clean the glass even more frantically, wiping away inexistent water, droplets he imagined were still there.

“Levi, is that you?” Once would be considered a coincidence, but twice? Finally, the raven haired boy looked up, only to have his breath stuck in his throat. Right in front of him was Erwin freaking Smith, the man he loves even to this day, the time spent together and the promises still so fresh in his mind. Erwin had kept his promise, he found Levi.

“Erwin.” Levi croaked, overwhelmed by emotions. He ran around the counter, stopping for a moment in front of his lover to look at him again. Erwin was exactly the same, except for an almost unnoticeable tan, his hair was now sitting comfortably on his forehead, instead of being styled back with gel. Levi jumped into his arms, wrapping his legs around the other's waist so tight, afraid to let go as he might disappear, proving only to be a figment of his imagination. He buried his face into Erwin's neck, inhaling the scent of cologne, sweat, and sunscreen. His lover snaked his hands around his waist and held him tightly, in the same desperate manner. Pulling away, Levi looked into his eyes again, relieved to see the same warm sapphire blue orbs staring right back at him. They were whole again, together again. Unable to hide his excitement anymore, the raven brought their lips together in a kiss, one in which they poured all of their emotions, the longing, love, and relief they had for one another were all present.

“Tu m’as trouvé!” Levi pulled back, out of breath.

“English please.” Erwin chuckled, running a hand through his hair, tucking a loose strand of hair behind his year before putting him down. Levi looked at him in confusion. If Erwin didn’t know french then that meant…

“We should perhaps talk. Wait here for a moment please.” He told him, pulling his hand away from where it was intertwined with the other’s. Taking a step back, he began untying his apron, then turned on his feet to head to the back where Petra was, baking pastries probably.

“Petra, can you cover for me? Something came up. Hange should be here soon, I hope you don’t mind.” At the sound of his voice, Petra turned around just as she was leaning down to grab the tray with freshly baked pastries from the oven. She searched his face, noticing the look of bewilderment, and made to grab his arm in comfort. Levi pulled away.

“I’ll tell you later, but please let me go!” Levi all but begged, making Petra shake her head with wide eyes as she still didn’t understand what was going on.

“Call me if anything happens.” She demanded. Levi thanked her then bolted out back to the front of the cafe where Erwin was waiting awkwardly in the door, never actually having left the spot. As soon as the blonde spotted him, he offered the other the usual warm smile.

“Why don’t you speak french, Erwin.” Levi asked him and gestured for the other to follow him out the cafe. Once outside they started walking on the direction of Levi’s house, unbeknownst yet to Erwin.

“I’m actually a tourist.” Erwin murmured, understanding finally the graveness of their situation.

“Where are you from then?” Levi croaked, his disappointment taking the best of him.

“USA, came here on vacation with some friends.”

“Américain.” Levi spat, his frustration finally showing. “How are we going to make it work Erwin?”

“I don’t know Levi, I believe that’s a problem for another time. I’m here for another week, let’s enjoy ourselves shall we?” Erwin took his hand and kissed it in an assuring manner, smiling again.

“Okay.”

And enjoy themselves they did. Making sure that Kuchel was out, Levi brought Erwin to his house, taking him through every room while he talked about his childhood, his vocabulary limited because his english wasn’t very good. Fortunately, Erwin was patient and didn’t push him, instead helped him by filling in the gaps with google translate or by using his own words when he understood the direction the story was headed in. At some point, they stumbled upon the piano and the blonde urged him to play it, Levi complying not only by second nature, thinking involuntarily to their time on their battlefield, but also by desire, pouring his heart and soul into each and every key he pressed, eliciting sounds that would later formed the master piece named Canon in D major. Erwin listened intently, absorbing every sound Levi produced, his gaze focused solely and completely on him. His lover playing the piano was one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen. The onyx black hair hung loosely in the air as Levi played, his brows furrowing in concentration, and shoulders tensing when he lifted each hand over the keyboard.

As the song came to an end, unable to hold himself back anymore, Erwin scooped Levi up in his arms and brought him to the couch, the other straddling his waist. It was all too much, the smell of Levi, the feel of Levi, the smooth alabaster skin, silky hair, minty breath, and citrus smelling musk. Levi, Levi, Levi. Erwin brought their lips together in a heated kiss, introducing his tongue shortly after, probing the entrance then entering fully. For a while, that was all they did. They kissed like teenagers, running their hands through each other’s bodies, remapping and rediscovering them. Slowly, Levi became more demanding and started to undo Erwin’s shirt, pulling it down his shoulders and caressed his hand over his chest, playing with the curly strands of blond hair that lined it, although scarce. He then kissed his neck and clavicle. All the while, Erwin had been undressing Levi, his fingers now at his entrance, working slowly but steadily their way in. In his arms, the raven writhed, low moans filling the room.

Done with the stretching, Erwin positioned himself at the other’s entrance, entering him slowly as to not hurt him. Once he was fully seated, he waited for Levi’s signal to move, a slow nod in the pit of his neck shortly after. Their rhythm was slow at first, an occasion to feel each other out, but as their moans got louder in volume, the pace, inevitably increased, turning the love making session into something more rushed and more carnal. They had all week ahead of them, they had plenty of time for slow and passionate love later. After a few more minutes each of them reached their climax, Levi first by tensing all of the sudden, his mouth open in a silent scream, then Erwin shortly after with a low groan. The smaller of the two slumped his forehead against the other’s chest and tried to recover, his panting waning.

“I love you.” Erwin brought his lover’s head up and looked him straight in the eye. Levi replied with a lop-sided me too before retaking his position in the crook of his neck, where he shortly passed out, the physical and emotional effort from the day finally taking their toll on his petite frame.

For the rest of the week, Levi showed Erwin the rest of Marseille, taking him sailing with Petra and Hange, snorkelling in the turquoise water, dining in other less famous restaurants that harboured a magnificent view nonetheless, and hiking. Levi also got to meet Nanaba and Mike, a meeting that was awkward at first but then turned casual as the chemistry they had in their past life never had quite gone away. It was now their last day, and they both chose to organise a brunch on a boat Erwin offered to rent. It had started out great, the interactions between the rest of the group going smoothly, but as night inched closer, Levi grew significantly more and more upset. The reason, revealed to him that night when they were alone, tucked in bed together, was none other than Erwin’s departure. It was time to say goodbye, their short week of heaven brought to an end by force of circumstance, a tragic end to an equally beautiful story. A soulmate who was not meant to be, at least not in this lifetime. They could try a long distance relationship, but that was inconvenient for both of them, they would soon fall apart, each having to take care of their lives. Levi had to work towards a degree and Erwin towards finishing a new book.

“Don’t go.” Levi suddenly croaked, turning towards him and taking his hands, kissing each of their knuckles. “I don’t want you leaving me again.”

Erwin turned his head away in thought. He was a writer, he could basically work from anywhere. In Paris he was sure to find a good publisher, working while also living with Levi in his apartment. If he put in a little effort he might manage it. But what about Nanaba and Mike? Would they understand? Would they still maintain their bond? Is he willing to give everything up for Levi? Erwin furrowed his brows, concentrating and thinking even more. Of course, he would go to the end of the earth for Levi, would rip his heart out of his chest and give it to him. Therefore, he voiced the only obvious answer for his lover’s request:

“I’ll stay.”

-

At the airport the next day Erwin hugged Levi and kissed him on the cheek, bidding his goodbye to his lover. After accepting to stay, they both decided that it would be best for Erwin to return to the states to get his affairs into order and when he would be finished he would return back to France and start his new life with Levi. So, with a waving hand, Erwin fell into step with Nanaba and Mike, who were waiting in line to board the plane. Levi smiled his way and said:

“Au revoir, Erwin Smith.”

[thoughtfulstudentsalad]

AnY Chapter 204 Review

It was a good chapter, although politically, it disappointed me.

There have been debates among readers about whether or not Su-Won was in character. The way he compartmentalized everything (but now slowly failing to do so) was, but I don't know about how hastily he jumped to kill Mei-nyan. Honestly a very Su-Won thing to do would rather be to pretend to accept her offer, use her knowledge to win the war, then kill her after. Did the thought of taking her hostage NOT occur to him? What happened to the king who seeks to minimize sacrifices? Who strategizes the most efficient path?

This time, it seems he had no patience for that because she went into a tirade about Hiryuu being great. As Soo-Won believes that blood-relation doesn't just entitle you to anything (as expected, he killed his own uncle), the fact that this applied to Mei may have played into Soo-Won's resentment to think it was better if she was killed, as she seemed no different from Il.

Evil Twins mistranslated this, but Su-Won does NOT say that he got ill after ascending the throne - Mei-Nyan tells him he “should be aware of the existence of King Hiryuu” which triggers the headache and flashback of Il that we’ve seen 5 times now. Phew, does this traumatize him. 

Now we have actually seen such a similar expression before! On his mother! 

“The beautiful hair caused Yon-Hi to remember the existence of King Hiryuu”

Does the pain get stronger the more aware the descendants are of King Hiryuu? A legitimate question of what causes the illness to sprout. 

Su-Won’s response in return, “I’m so fed up with it (the pain)” shows he is at his wits end now because this woman triggered yet another headache because she made him think of King Hiryuu.  

He says his thoughts aloud, clearly for the first time, “I wonder why the reincarnation of King Hiryuu and the dragons were born.”

Hearing the outright rejection of King Hiryuu, Yona is petrified. 

And it’s interesting, because she has never heard this direct attack on who she is until this point. We as readers have seen Su-Won reject God, so, SO many times to count. This is the first time Yona sees it in the present. This is the first time she also sees it directed straight at her. 

Because it’s pretty much Su-Won wishing Yona was never born, right? 

Until the betrayal, they had a genuine friendship, and even then Su-Won clearly still cared about her, so surely Yona had never imagined that Su-Won would ever say something like this, that it would be nice if she were never born. It is quite jarring. Were the years they spent all a lie, then? 

Moving on, we then see Mei-nyan understanding that negotiations have collapsed. She begins to freak out, and when Hyoo-ri appears, she bolts. 

I must say, for supposedly a strategist, Mei-nyan was pretty naive and reckless. It appears that the others were prepared to kill her prior to this meeting, but she comes thinking her talk would succeed. She doesn't even think of a back-up plan in the case the king doesn't agree.

She doesn't even tell Su-Won that she was previously a general. We all know, being a general is 100x more valuable to him then being a descendant or a concubine with false intel, any day.

I can argue that the negotiations might have not failed if she'd not talked about Hiryuu and instead about being a general or how shitty Kai treated her and how she actually is loyal to Kouka. She is reckless, that one! How did she ever become a general with such a personality?!?! People like her certainly don’t live long. 

Luckily, Jae-ha appears to save the day. And I actually really like this scene, because... Mei-Nyan is clearly affected by how the same dragon who vowed to protect Yona and did not let Mei-Nyan hit her, is NOW protecting her. 

This is what she always wanted, and she is shooooook. Look at her pained eyebrows. I feel for Mei-nyan here. Also Jae-ha, ouch. 

Yona runs to save the day with her merciful nature, as she always seems to do. Kye-Sook, who finds it a “quaint” quality like her late father, asks her to stand down. (most hilarious line) 

Then Yona asks Su-Won for his opinion, but Su-Won, who was already in annoyed mode, is now directing it towards Yona, who has come running to interfere. He is fed up thinking about it and does not want to deal with her. 

Yona still does not back down. “Turn over here! Even if you don’t need me, even if you’re fed up, look me in the eye and talk!” 

Very strong words. Until this I have never seen Yona be so direct with Su-Won, even if she harbored hatred, even if she was very calm. And this probably is because she felt rather hurt by Su-Won’s words. Understandable.

Next we see Su-Won explode: “I already said, this doesn’t concern you!” 

OKAY we get it Su-Won, calm the F down. 

Yeeeeeesh, this rude spitting viper is the same guy who was only gentle and kind with his younger cousin?????? 

let’s be honest if Hak saw Su-Won shouting at Yona he would wreck him 100x harder than he already wanted to

.....Perhaps we should just accept that familial ties don’t matter to this dude, especially if you’re a King Hiryuu reincarnation telepathically blowing his brains out because he doesn’t pay you enough attention. Can you blame him?

His line is rather ambiguous though. Does he mean it like, “stop being a fucking nuisance, I’m the king right now, this concerns me not you” 

OR is it like, “this conflict I have with King Hiryuu doesn’t concern you, you are Yona!” Maybe he doesn’t want Yona to feel bad about being born like his mother did? 

Maybe he is struggling with both meanings. Who knows.  

Now, after that Yona attempts to make him see past the entire conflict with Mei-nyan’s interest in Hiryuu and the dragons AND the fact that she has knowledge of the secret. 

And I can see Yona's point. Yon-Hi's existential crisis, seeing a red haired girl "steal" what belonged to her clan, is similar to Mei-nyan's. 

It makes sense. Why should he be so quick to kill her? She has clearly suffered herself. 

It seems like Su-Won wasn't thinking straight and realized later that he isn't just his father's son, but also his mother's, because now, he lightens her fate to imprisonment. Yes, imprisonment. Letting this woman go is obviously not the right idea either, especially after they acted so hostile to her, no guarantee that she still wants to negotiate. 

The big mistake though, is that everyone from Kouka, even Yona, underestimated Mei. None of them know that she could easily break out of jail if she wished. Even while in pain from the Crimson illness, she’s able to wound (possibly kill!) these soldiers. 

....Except our favorite MC Hak, doing 6000+ sit-ups like it’s nothing, is about to know!!!!!! 

I think Hak will the one to learn this first, and I actually think they could form some alliance based on being ex-generals. This girl will fill Hak in on wtf the Crimson illness is, and we might finally see Hak’s reaction -- OH SHIT, Su-Won actually hates something??? Maybe Hak’s beloved Princess is more involved with that than he’d like. 

I don't think they will go a love triangle of Hak-Mei-Yona route, at least I really hope not, because Hak is loyal af and that does not need to change one bit. At most it'd be funny to see Yona get slightly jealous but honestly I'm not sure if that's necessary either. 

Anyway! I would have preferred Mei-nyan stayed an antagonist rather than yet another talk-no-jutsu ally of Yona’s. But okay. We’ll see where this goes, along with the reasons Hiryuu even came down to Earth to start with. 

(On a side note, Zeno was great this chapter, wasn’t he? I missed hearing his words of wisdom)

[ginazmemeoir]

Women in the Indian Epics

This post is in response to @hindumythologyevent (i won’t be able to write tomorrow)

Ramayana and Mahabharata, while being epics centred around Hinduism, are actually integral parts of Indian culture as a whole. Everyone in India has grown up knowing about these epics, but never about the women. I would like to take this moment to make people realize THESE. EPICS. WOULD. BE . NON. EXISTANT. WITHOUT WOMEN. HECK ALL OF US WOULD BE.

1. RAMAYANA: While there’ s no shift in the status of women chronologically, there definitely is a marked changed in the social status of women in the epic geographically.

  North - 

Kaushalya : Princess of Southern Kosala (modern day Bundelkhand in India), she had proposed her marriage to Dasharath, Ram’s father, to stop the war between their kingdoms. In the epics, she is shown as “virtuous” and “sacrificing”, and is Ram’s birth mother.

Kaikeyi : Princess of Kekaya (modern day Pakistan-Afghanistan border region), she had married Dasharatha of her own accord, on her own terms. She was a powerful woman, and a powerful warrior - she had saved Dasharath’s life in a war, and consequently Dasharatha had granted her two boons. She used these boons later to banish Ram to the forest for 14 years and make her son Bharata the heir. A figure of scorn in the epic, Kaikeyi was actually an independent woman, who knew her cards.

Sumitra : She just kind of exists we don’t know much about her, except that she’s the mother of the twins Lakshmana and Shatrughna.

Sunaina : Queen of Videha (modern day Nepal), she was actually the one who ran the kingdom while her husband, Janak, looked after the “spiritual” nd “philosophical” aspects. Most people don’t even know about her.

Sita : The female protagonist, she is the Princess of Videha, and thus also called Vaidehi. In fact, there is a language in her honour called Maithili after her. She is actually quite passive in the epics, shown as yet again “virtuous” and blah blah blah. A few versions also say that she was actually Ravan’s daughter, or the reincarnation of a woman who Ravan had molested and so the woman vowed that she would be the cause of his death (mmm not so much I mean the dude was asking for it). FINALLY she does something after Ram banishes her cause people accuse her of Stockholm Syndrome WHILE SHE’S PREGNANT, and then tries to take her back once he gets to know that he’s a dad - twist, Sita has to prove she’s innocent by WALKING THROUGH FIRE AGAIN (she did it once after she escaped). So instead of doing this shitty thing again, she invoked the Earth Goddess (another legend says Sita is her daughter) and went away with her.

Manthara : Kaikeyi’s nanny, she came along with her after she married Dasharatha to take care of her children. Shown as a disfigured old hunchback, she is the one who had “instigated” Kaikeyi to banish Ram and make Bharata emperor. She’s one of the most hated characters in the Ramayana.

South - (FINALLY women don’t call their husbands ‘lord’ or ‘my king’)

Tara : The Monkey Empress, Tara was a powerful individual. After her husband Bali was killed by Rama, she ran the kingdom while her brother-in-law Sugreev whored away. Really wise, and commanded respect.

Mandodari : Daughter of the architect of Asuras Mayasur, Mandodari was another powerful woman. She was Ravan’s first wife, and is often seen speaking her opinions in the epics, reprimanding Ravan and genuinely being a boss-ass bitch, which as the epics state “was unusual”. Legend also states that Shiva had made her out of a frog (manduk in sanskrit), so that Ravan could stop pestering them.

Shurpanakha : Quite literally meaning “as sharp as nails), Shurpanakha was Ravan’s sister. Also known as Meenakshi, some hold her responsible for the annihilation of Ravan as her revenge for Ravan killing her husband. She had actually tried to seduce Ram and Lakshman while they were in the forest, but instead they pranked her, and not in the nice way (people, YOU DO NOT PRANK A DEMON PRINCESS). So when she saw Sita laughing, she thought it wa sher idea and attempted to kill her. Immediately, the “chivalrous” Lakshman ran to defend Sita and cut off “the evil temptress’” nose. So anywho Shurpanakha tells Ravan to avenge her, and later she goes to Ayodhya and spreads rumours about Sita’s affair with Ravan for revenge.

Kaikesi : Ravan’s mother, Kaikesi was the original heir to Lanka before it was given to Kuber, the dwarf lord of wealth. She later married the monk Vishravas, and had almighty children (some say this is the only reason she married him). She was the one who created Mega Ravan after the war to avenge herslef.

Sulochana : The Naga Princess, Sulochana was the daughter of the snake king Vasuki. Not much is known about her, except that she committed suicide after her husband Meghnad (Ravan’s son) was killed.

other characters : Trijata - she was Sita’s bodyguard in Lanka, and also Ravan’s  niece. She was the one who consoled Sita and protected her from the other demons.

Lankini : The guardian of Lanka, she had been defeated by Hanuman.

Urmila : Sita’s younger sister, who was married to Lakshman. Later, she fell into a coma for 14 years, till the time all three of our protagonists returned.

Surasa : The Sea Dragon, she tested Hanuman’s strength on his way to Lanka by attempting to eat him.

Simhika : The Shadow monster, who ate creatures by grabbing their shadows. She was killed by Hanuman.

2. MAHABHARATA : Ok this epic is more recognized, and also the women here are SO much more badass. The Mahabharata represents a chronological change in women’s status in Indian society.

Urvashi : Queen of the nymphs (apsaras), Urvashi had married the mortal king Pururavas on the condition that nobody will hurt her pet lamb, and that nobody except Pururavas will see her naked. So the gods killed her lamb and “opened the doors with mighty winds” and “lit the skies with lightning” when Pururavas and Urvashi were having sex, so everyone could see Urvashi naked. She then left Pururavas, who grew mad. Later, she tried to seduce Arjun (Pururavas’ descendant) and when he refused, she cursed him to become a eunuch.

Ganga : The River Goddess, she married Shantanu only on the condition that he would never question her or her actions. Then, Ganga proceeded to drown all of her and Shantanu’s children. When Shantanu finally stopped her from drowning the eighth one, it was revealed that they were actually gods cursed as humans and Ganga was only doing this so that they could go back to being gods again. Anywho, since Shantanu had technically questioned her actions, she left him and took the child. This child was Bhishma.

Satyavati : She was born when a fish ingested a king’s sperm (LONG story), and the fish gave birth to her. She was known for her beauty that rivalled the gods, and also her fish stank. she had sex with the sage Parashara and gave birth on an island to Vyasa (the Mahabharata’s author). In return, Parashara granted her the boon of irresistible scent. Later, she married Shantanu on one condition - that only her lineage would rule the throne, which forced Bhishma to take his vow of celibacy. A woman of naked ambition, she made sure that it was her blood only that ruled the throne of Hastinapur.

Amba : The princess of Kashi (modern day Varanasi in Uttar Pradesh), she and her two sisters were abducted from their marriage by Bhishma on Satyavati’s order to be married to her son Vichitravirya. Amba escaped Bhishma, but her husband refused to accept as she “was now another man’s property” (BITCH). When she asked Bhishma to marry her, he refused because of his stupid vow. So she sought revenge on him and went to the warrior sage Parashuram. Parashuram was enraged at Amba’s condition, and invited Bhishma to a duel till death. However, he realized that their duel could actually end the world and stopped it. Angry, Amba burnt herself alive and promised to be reborn as Bhishma’s death. She was reborn as the transwoman Shikhandi, Draupadi’s sibling, and ultimately killed Bhishma. (more popular versions state that she actually stood in front of Arjuna, and since Bhishma couldn’t “raise a hand on a transwoman”, Arjuna could safely kill Bhishma from behind her.

Gandhari : Princess of Gandhara (modern day Afghanistan), Gandhari’s kingdom was destroyed by Bhishma and she was married to Dhritarashtra, the blind prince. To aid her husband, she also blinded herself for life by wearing a blindfold at all times. Mother of the hundred Kauravas, she had uttered that fateful curse which caused the destruction of Krishna and his empire.

Kunti : Princess of Mathura, she was adopted by king Kuntihoja. A resourceful and sharp woman, she had received a boon to have kids by any god she wanted. Out of curiosity, she tested the boon and got the son of the Sun god, Karna. Not ready to be a teen mom, she threw the baby in a river (the baby lived). Later she married Pandu, Dhritarashtra’s younger brother, and gave birth to Yudhishthir, Bhima and Arjuna from Yama (god of death and law), Vayu (god of wind) and Indra (indian zeus) respectively. She spent her entire life protecting Pandu’s five children after his death, even burning six people alive during the Varnavat incident.

Madri : Princess of Madradesh (present day Tamil Nadu, India), she was Pandu’s second wife and gave birth to the twins Nakul and Sahadeva from the Ashvini Twins (gods of healing and knowledge, she had used Kunti’s boon). She committed suicide after Pandu’s death.

Draupadi : Princess of Panchal (modern day Uttar Pradesh, India although some people say it could also be Punjab), she was born from fire. She and her brother were created to avenge their foster father Drupad. Married to all five Pandavas, she later became Empress of Indraprastha, and encouraged her husbands to fight for their rights. Molested and disrobed after the Gambling Hall incident, she vowed to destroy the Kuru dynasty - and that she would not wash her hair until they were washed with Dushasana’s blood, the man who had disrobed her. Krishna treated her like his own sister, and today she serves as an inspiration to all women.

There are a LOT more women in the Ramayana and Mahabharata, but i would have to write another separate 500 pager for that, and honestly i have run out of brain juice right now. so i leave you with this - STAY BADASS LADIES.