#it's weird to know there was a time i genuinely couldn't quite remember what kind of green the trees were

[fidenciothecryptidgent]

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[singmyaubade]

No Longer Yours

James Potter x Female!Reader

A/N: I am trying a new way of writing these stories, there won't be lots of dialogue in this part, but there will be more; this is just a look into where the story starts.

IB: In The Cold November Rain by @sweetsweetjellybean (Make sure to check it out, it’s amazing and one of the best I’ve ever read !)

Summary: James had disregarded you for multiple years, but when you have an epiphany in your final year, how does it feel to taste his own medicine?

Warning: It may contain swearing and soon-to-be smut.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

You never considered yourself to be a pushover when it came to things. Instead, you would use the word "understanding" and used it the most when it came to James Fleamont Potter.

He meant the absolute world to you since you were nine when you first met him. He lived next to you, both of your rooms being next to each other. You could always see him in his window, not that you were stalking, but you could never quite get your eyes off him.

Every time he would catch you staring, he would give you a wave, never felt weirded out. Then he would ring you up and ask you to come for dinner with your family. You would always accept unless your mother insisted on not intruding on them anymore.

You always caught his look of disappointment when you told him you couldn't come over, seeing him on the phone with you. It would always make your heart flutter, always having to stop the smile from forming on your face.

And then, after dinner, he would always come over, and you two would hang out (of course, with the door open). But you knew James would never try anything.

Your parents had suspicions when you both were fully formed teenagers and had hormones. Again, you knew James wasn't a perv; he respected you.

Even when he would slap your thigh in laughter when you said a joke or when his front pressed against your back when you two joked around, or his touch would linger when he ticked you.

But that was all besides the point; you loved James like no other. You loved the rest of the Marauders, too, but with James, there was no questioning if the love was different.

The only times you weren't sure about that 'love' was when Lily Evans would come around. He never truly knew how to pay attention to or regard you when she came around, but he claimed it was 'love.'

You wondered if he loved Lily the same way you loved him or if it was more complete, passionate, and extraordinary. You could never ask; James wouldn't know what to do. You couldn't blame Lily, it wasn't her fault, and she turned down his advances multiple times.

You were sure that James would move on, but then, during sixth year, Lily confessed that she was starting to have a crush on James.

You tried hiding your disappointment, but it was hard; it nearly broke your heart; you knew James would tell you all about it as soon as you saw him again.

There was no wish to be cruel, but a part of you, maybe the whole, was hoping she would joke. Perhaps she would again realize how immature James was and remember how he bullied Snape.

But that would be selfish and unfair to James; you were supposed to be his best friend, and he deserves this.

And you knew Lily was kind, beautiful, thoughtful, and honest. She deserved James more than he deserved her. You wouldn't break her happiness because it was pure; if you did, it would be evil.

So when she asked you if you were okay with that, constantly questioning your feelings towards James, you said,

"Of course, you should go out with James," You placed a hand on her shoulder, "I think you two would be amazing together." A genuine bright smile passed your face as she embraced you and thanked you for being truthful with her.

While they dated, James would always tell you every time he and Lily did something.

From every kiss, every date, and every cute moment to Lily laughing at a joke he made about crisps in Hogsmeade or the dove they saw randomly, which is a sign that they are genuinely in love.

After telling you every detail, he would embrace you in a tight hug so you could smell his scent entirely. He would thank you for being "such a good friend and say that "he loves you."

You knew he loved you but you wished he loved you in a different way. A way that his heart would scrunch when you were around or a way that made him want to compliment your hair or your smile like he did with Lily.

You wished it pissed you off enough to be mad at him, but every time he hugged you, you forgave him and knew it was just him being happy and wanting to tell a friend.

He still always joked around with you the same and bantered with you, but it was just less, you wanted more, but he could only give you so much time, and you knew that.

Only a few of your friends understood, like Remus and Dorcas. They would comfort you in every moment when you felt unsure of yourself, or you just wanted to talk.

You probably would have been misunderstood if it weren't for them, but they acknowledged and validated your feelings.

That's what got you through that time.

Nonetheless, there was no point in dwelling on past memories. James and Lily broke up at the end of that very year, it being mutual due to the realization of too many things clashing.

He was a bit of a wreck but recognized that it was for the better. It didn't stop him from sometimes crying in your arms, talking about how much he missed Lily.

Eventually, James started to move on, talking to you more, joking with you, and inviting you to sit next to him at dinner. You had missed this for so long and were grateful.

He went back to tickling you and playfighting with you. He would even make you sit with him during potions.

This was until the end of the year Quidditch match, Gryffindor had won, and excitement had raised. You went to congratulate James on the win, having a big jar of Fizzing Whizbees in your hand, his favorite.

You opened the door a crack, overhearing him but not wanting to interrupt his conversation with the rest of the Quidditch team.

"Come on, Potter, don't tell me you aren't going to snog her tonight," A boy you recognized as Matthew Collingwood teased, "She's been over you for years; why not just hit it and quit it?" Your face contorted to disgust after hearing his use of words.

"Don't tell me you are talking about Y/n," James scoffed, "There is no way I would ever think of her like that," A part of your heart broke hearing his words; he didn't even defend his last words.

"I mean, she does have a fat bum," Another boy laughed.

"Oy, she's like a sister to me, don't talk about her like that," James warned, his tone sounding half serious as the boy put his hands up jokingly.

A sister.

"Okay, but come on, Potter, you have to shag her at least once before we graduate," Matthew sneered.

"Listen, boys, I wouldn't touch Y/n if she were the last girl on earth," He belittled, "Besides, she would cling to my cock like crazy after that; I mean, look at her now, can't even take a piss without her peering over my shoulder." He gestured, pretending to take a piss and looking behind him to see if you were around.

The boys hollered, laughing at James’s visual representation of you.

Tears brimmed your eyes as you dropped the glass-made jar, shattering in the process. You let go of the door, turning your heel to run away.

The tears started running down your cheeks as you wiped each of them as they came. You went under a tree, crying your eyes out, wondering why James would be so cruel.

He was your best friend, and you thought he loved you enough to not make fun of you. James could sometimes be thoughtless, but he never was brutal to you.

Did he really think you were clingy, consistently all over him? Did he get annoyed by how much you were around him? Would he never like you even if you were the last girl on the planet?

You were humiliated, embarrassed by his words, his thoughts. Every feeling of James Potter that made you happy and wanted to fall into his arms turned into hate and resentment, his words reiterating in your mind a thousand times.

That night, you vowed never to make James Potter make you feel that way again.

So that night, you didn't join the celebration. You told your friends that your stomach was hurting and you weren't in the mood for festivities.

You didn't know if James had asked where you were during that night, and you didn't want to know after the words he had shared with others.

Since you were allowed to leave Hogwarts the day after summer began, you did. You didn't wait for James to go with you; you left without him, wishing all your friends goodbye, dismissing all questions about why you were leaving early and blaming it on your mother's wishes.

"Okay, well," Lily sighed, "Make sure to ring me over the summer and visit if you can." You embraced her and nodded your head, telling her that you will.

"And don't forget to ring me as well," Dorcas said from behind you as you went over to her and hugged her tightly, "Whatever he did," She whispered in your ear, "Give him hell."

You pulled out of the hug and gave her a smile, "I will."

As she left, you approached the Gryffindor common room to find Remus reading as usual.

"Gonna wish a good friend goodbye?" Remus questioned, looking over at you. You were glad he wasn’t questioning why you were leaving so early in the morning.

"How could I ever not?" You asked, embracing him for a minute.

"So, are you gonna tell me what he did?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"How do you and Dorcas know everything?" You said, rolling your eyes.

"How good of friends would we be if we didn't." He smirked, "I can ta-"

You cut him off, "No, this is not your responsibility; I will take care of it." You smiled, "But thank you for caring; it means the most to me."

"Of course," He said as you nodded and turned to leave, "And take care of yourself." You turned back, giving him a reassuring smile.

After saying all your goodbyes for the school year, you sat in a window seat, looking at the school you loved dearly. You never thought you could quite say this, but you were ready for home.

Once you returned home, a letter was waiting for you on your window seal stating,

Dear Y/n,

Give him hell.

Sincerely the only one you need,

Dorcas Meadows.

And what kind of friend would you be if you didn't do what was asked?

[linawritestwst]

(a very late valentine's day special) how twst characters would fall in love with you!

okay, so when i created this blog last year, i didn't have much time to write something for valentine's day, but i thought that i should try and write something for it this year!

at first i wanted to write something like "how twst characters would confess their love for you", i wanted it to be a reference to the "how twst characters would react to your love confession" series i made back when i just created this blog and i still only have the heartslabyul, savanaclaw and octavinelle hcs. i am sorry. but to be honest, i didn't have a lot of ideas and it was hard to find inspiration, so i decided to go with something different. but who knows, maybe i'll actually write it one day! also i know that this idea is very basic and i'm sorry.

this post has all nrc students (except ortho) + rsa and nbc characters, so GET READY BECAUSE THIS IS GONNA BE A VERY LONG POST.

also i'm having some really bad internet problems rn and even though i can use mobile data, EDITING ON MY PHONE IS A PAIN. I CAN'T DO ANYTHING. and idk when wifi will start working again and i'll be able to use my computer again, so sorry if this post looks weird, has typos and stuff like that, I JUST WANT TO POST IT ALREADY. I'M SICK OF SEEING IT IN MY DRAFTS.

heartslabyul.

riddle rosehearts.

♡ he doesn't understand you at all. you should be afraid of him, you should actually hate him for what he did and how he acted earlier. he was the first to overblot in front of you, he's sure it was quite a traumatic memory from you. and it's not like he treated you better than he treated other nrc students, he was just as willing to punish you for any "misbehavior". so why.. why do you still want you and riddle to become closer? you simply don't think that riddle actually had bad intentions, he just genuinely thought that everything will be okay if he just follows the rules and makes others follow them. so.. you don't think he's a bad person or anything like that. just someone who has a lot of issues and doesn't know how to deal with them properly. and after you say that.. riddle starts feeling very strange.

♡ falling in love with you feels so sudden, riddle doesn't remember being this interested in you when he first met you. he has to admit that he even kind of.. looked down on you back then and didn't think you were that special. though the case of you being the only magicless student here really was special. he also was angry at you because of you being so close with ace and deuce.. but now, he feels different. as he learns more about you and starts getting used to your company, he realizes that he actually likes you a lot. he even admires you, because it must be hard to deal with so much stuff as someone who's magicless he's sorry for being the first to overblot btw. he's always here if you need any help.

♡ why did he fall in love with you? well, you're certainly a very smart, strong and kind person, but the main reason was.. he was just happy to be understood by someone. he didn't expect you out of all people to forgive him, but it sure was a nice surprise. you're always here to calm him down when he's close to using his unique magic or yelling at someone for breaking the rules again, however, you don't blame him for acting like that and you say that his feelings are valid, he just has to find a better way to express them and process them. so.. it probably just feels nice to be seen as someone other than a rose-red tyrant.

ace trappola.

♡ as someone who said some pretty bad things about you and grim when you first met.. wow, it feels embarrassing to admit that he has a crush on you now. imagine making fun of a magicless human and then falling in love with them. yeah, that's ace. so, how did it happen? he's not sure when exactly he got feelings for you, it just.. happened. you two became so close, he actually couldn't imagine spending a day without you. everything just feels so boring when you're not around. pranking you or showing off to you or just talking to you makes his day, even if it's just you going "ACE D:<", he loves seeing your reactions.. and maybe, he loves you.

♡ it's hard to notice him acting any different when he's in love with you, but if you pay closer attention, you can see him blushing after you praise him for something or you can notice him asking you to hang out with him more often. he also sometimes freezes for a moment when you call him your friend, it's almost like he's asking you ".. but are you sure you don't wanna be more than friends?". but right after that, he goes back to his usual behavior and he's surprisingly good at hiding his crush on you.

♡ falling in love with you feels fun and kinda sad at the same time, because even though ace tries so hard to act confident and he claims that you love him just as much, he's actually not sure if you love him back or not. he doesn't mind being seen only as a friend, being friends with you is cool, but also.. yeah, he wants more. and he's not sure if he's ready for a serious relationship, considering what he did in the past to that girl he used to date. he knows that he would never do that to you, because you're so much cooler than that girl and you're much more interesting, but he also doesn't want to let you down. but if you do love him back.. he will try his best to treat you right, though it doesn't mean that you will be safe from his teasing and his pranks.

deuce spade.

♡ out of all the heartslabyul boys, i imagine deuce being the one to get a crush on you earlier than all the others. you're just so nice and sweet and understanding.. you also didn't judge him after you heard about his past and even said that you're proud of him for trying to change and become a better person. after that, deuce couldn't get your words out of his head and became extremely loyal to you, he's always here if you need any help and he feels so happy when you praise him or want to spend time with him.

♡ it's very easy to notice him having a crush on you, honestly. he tries really hard to hide it, but he fails and ace laughs at him every time. he can't say anything properly when you compliment him or smile at him and he starts stuttering, giggling like an idiot or he simply runs away and ends up tripping and falling. it makes him even more cute though and you can give him more attention to get more reactions like that from him or you can pretend not to notice on purpose.

♡ falling in love with you feels like something completely new and that's understandable, deuce has never experienced a feeling like this before. and even though at first it was just a very huge crush, now it actually feels like something more deep, it's like.. he really is in love with you. spending the rest of his life with you sounds scary and he's not sure if he's ready for something like this, but when he imagines it, it makes him feel soft and even kind of excited. he will understand if you reject his feelings, he has not the best past, but if you say yes to him, he will try to become the perfect boyfriend for you. he already knew that he wants to become a better person for his mom, but now he has two people in his life that he wants to change for.

cater diamond.

♡ when cater first met you, he thought you were cute but.. that was it. he didn't think much of you, honestly. don't get him wrong, he thought you were very cute and he would love to be friends with you! but.. he really didn't think that he's gonna fall in love with you later. he just enjoyed hanging out with you, talking to you, he loved the way you smile, he loved the way you laugh and.. wait, that's just him thinking you're cute, right? but not, like, in that way, right? because cater doesn't think he's quite ready to admit that he has feelings for you.

♡ cater is not sure how exactly it happened and why he got a crush on you. it's like.. he just feels more safe around you. it's like he can actually show you his real self and you won't judge him. of course, he's still not sure that you would actually be okay with him acting like his real self and he doubts that you would even like that side of his.. but for some reason he still feels like he can trust you. so he may or may not drop a few hints that make you go "cater. dude. are you okay." no, y/n, he's not okay, this poor man needs a hug.

♡ falling in love with you feels exciting and terrifying at the same time. cater feels truly happy when he's with you, he manages to forget about his problems at least for some time and his smile looks a lot more sincere than usual. but he's also.. scared. he doesn't think that you will love him back once you find out about his real personality, maybe you will accept it, sure, but would you really want a boyfriend like that? honestly, he should be grateful for you wanting to spend time with him even when he's being his "fake" self. he shouldn't ask so much from you, he should thank you for even just being friends with him. so whenever cater hears you laugh at his jokes, he feels genuine happiness but only for a second before he remembers that you will most likely never love him as much as he loves you. or will you?..

trey clover.

♡ just like cater, trey thought you were a nice person, but he didn't think you were.. you know.. his future love or something like that. he thought you were cute and he was always there to suggest his help if you needed it, but he really just thought that you two are gonna be friends and that's all. okay, maybe you two will be close friends. like, very close friends. but that's it. trey gave you so much attention and he had a habit to get a little bit too worried about you for no reason at all, but he thought that you're just.. well.. another younger sibling figure to him (your actual age doesn't matter). why else would he care so much about you?

♡ but oh no. it looks like you're actually something more to him. you're not just another younger sibling figure going "trey, i need your help!! ><". he would seriously think that he just likes you platonically and if it wasn't for cater, he would never realize that he actually likes you romantically. so what if he blushes a bit when you compliment his baking. so what if he thinks about you so often that it distracts him from his vice dorm leader duties. so what if he imagined spending the rest of his life with you- okay. okay, he understands what cater means now. maybe he really is in love with you.

♡ falling in love with you feels confusing for sure, but it also feels soft and sweet. trey may be a local mom friend who's always here to help his underclassmen out, but he has no idea what to do with his own feelings. should he just confess to you already or should he wait a bit? wait, do you even love him back? he has so many questions but almost no answers. but if you do love him back, trey will most likely notice it eventually. he's a smart boy, he had no idea that he actually has romantic feelings for you, but if you have a crush on him, he will definitely find out about it and when he does, he might start teasing you even more often.

savanaclaw.

leona kingscholar.

♡ oh boy. this guy definitely didn't expect to fall in love with you. no, he didn't expect to even become friends with you. you were just a weak little herbivore to him, nothing special, nothing out of ordinary. you were very a bit annoying sometimes too. but when you started saying things like "i want to get to know you better" or "i want to talk to you more".. that's when leona got very confused, though he didn't show it. why would you say things like that? what do you even want from him? is it because he's a prince? oh well, sorry to disappoint you, but he's actually a younger- "i just want to know why you're so lazy all the time.".. okay, this wasn't the answer he expected. he will tell you to go away, but don't pay attention to that, he's actually more interested in you now.

♡ leona just can't understand why you're like this. why do you spend so much time with him? why can't you just let him nap in peace? he actually jokes about you having a crush on him once and he expects you to go "h-how can you say things like that so casually!..". but you manage to surprise him again. "well what if i do? what are you gonna do then, huh?" okay, maybe he did underestimate you a little. just a little bit. you're slowly becoming more and more interesting and he hates to admit that he wants to know more about you. why? well.. he wants to know why you're so annoying all the time.

♡ falling in love with you feels weird, but also surprisingly entertaining. leona never knows what you're gonna do next and for some reason he even finds it exciting. he somehow manages to act like a tsundere and flirt with you at the same time. yes, he will go "ugh, why do you have to ruin my day like this" whenever you step on his tail while he's asleep, but he also will say things that make other savanaclaw students think that he's about to confess his feelings for you OR you two are actually already dating. does he know that he's in love with you though?.. he will need some time, but he will eventually realize it. and he's not gonna be happy about it.

ruggie bucchi.

♡ ruggie didn't really pay much attention to you at first, but he has to say that you're really fun to mess with. he never gets bored of seeing your reactions and sometimes he would steal stuff from you just to make you look at him. he knows that it probably sounds weird, but don't worry, he definitely doesn't have a crush on you, haha.. hey, why are you being so kind to him? why do you cook/buy food for him? why do you keep asking him if he needs any help? ah, maybe you just want a favor from him? you want him to help you with something, don't you? why would you have any other reason- "i'm just worried about you, that's all." oh no. oh no he's about to catch feelings.

♡ your kindness scares ruggie a bit, but he also keeps wanting more. he doesn't understand your motives, he doesn't understand why you're so worried about him. you just say things like "oh, i thought you were tired from doing leona's job all day" or "i thought you looked tired, so i just want to help you out, if that's okay". they may sound like nothing special, but ruggie feels weird whenever he hears you say stuff like that. he just jokes about you being too pure for someone like him, but he's actually kind of serious about it. are you sure you want to be friends with him? or.. maybe you're actually in love with him? don't worry, he's just joking around~

♡ falling in love with you feels fun at first, but it slowly starts becoming more and more scary when ruggie realizes just how deep and strong his feelings are. it's not just a small crush, he really is in love with you. he can't stop thinking about you and not a day passes without him wanting to see you. it feels strange to be treated so well without any reason at all, but ruggie just can't say no to your kindness. even though he keeps trying to make it look like it's nothing serious and you're just friends, he's actually this close to crying because he feels like he will never have a chance to be with you and you will never love him as much as he loves you. why would you even have feelings for him anyway?

jack howl.

♡ savanaclaw boys wouldn't find you that special when they first meet you and jack is not an exception. he thought you still have a long way to go and you have to put more effort in what you do. he also thought you looked too weak and "fragile", so he made sure to remind you to train more often, if you can, or to just take better care of yourself. i-it's not like he's worried about you. it just bothers him that you always look so tired all the time and it doesn't look like you get enough sleep too..

♡ however, you manage to impress jack and he's surprised to find out just how hardworking you really are. no matter what happens or how hard your life in twisted wonderland may get, you still try to achieve your goals. sure, you may whine a bit and say that it's unfair for a magicless human like you to go through so much, but you still do what you have to, no matter how weak you look. jack sure finds you more impressive than leona and he doesn't even notice how fast he starts to admire you and even fall in love with you.

♡ falling in love with you doesn't feel like something special because jack isn't even aware of his own feelings at first. he just thinks you're very cool and he respects you a lot and wishes to help you whenever he can. he just always wants to be by your side and support you when you need it. you're much stronger than he thought you were when you two just met, but he still thinks that in a world like twisted wonderland.. you deserve to be protected. and he's more than willing to protect you from whatever life throws at you. he realizes that he's actually in love with you when he notices that he feels a bit weird when you're around. this feeling is warm, but also so confusing.. and whenever you say goodbye to him, he doesn't want you to leave. b-but that's just because he admires you a lot, right?

octavinelle.

azul ashengrotto.

♡ azul didn't think you'd be that useful to him at first. it's not like he can make a deal with you or take your magic.. but still, being friends with a ramshackle prefect might actually help him in the future. so yes, he will try to become closer with you anyway. he's sure it will be easy to make you trust him, he just needs to make you believe that you can rely on him and who wouldn't want to have a friend like azul in such a scary world, especially as a human who has no idea how twisted wonderland works?.. well, it's actually not as easy as azul thought it would be.

♡ sure, you do want to become friends with him, but whenever he tries to help you with whatever you're struggling with (for a price, of course) or he tries to make himself seem as a kind person who genuinely wants to help others, you simply go "thank you, but i'm fine".. what do you mean, you're fine, y/n, he knows what crowley makes you do, just ask azul for help already! but as time passes, azul starts to notice that he actually wants to help you not because he needs you to make a deal with him.. but just because he really does feel bad for you and he wants to make your job at least a bit easier.

♡ falling in love with you feels strange and unexpected, azul wasn't prepared for this at all. he didn't think that he would actually become so attached to you, you were supposed to be another student who he can manipulate, so why do you feel like one of the most important people in his life now? he doesn't think that it's love at first, him thinking of you as his actual friend is already too much for him.. but then his overblot happens. and you forgive him for everything. and you tell him that no matter what, you accept him and even though he still has some.. um.. not so good qualities to work on, you'll be there to help him and support him. okay, maybe he actually is in love with you.

jade leech.

♡ jade thought you were an interesting and unique person right when he met you for the first time, but you were just that: an interesting and unique person. nothing more, nothing less. he would love to know more about you though, so don't be surprised if he starts talking to you more often or asking you more questions. this man wants to study you in a lab, okay. oh, and even though he sure does seem suspicious, he actually doesn't have any ulterior motives, unlike azul. he just can't go "hey, i like you, let's be friends', no, he has to act like his usual self that sometimes seems more dangerous than floyd.

♡ he doesn't even notice falling in love with you, but he sure notices becoming more interested in you for some reason. he always wants to know what you're up to, he wants to know more about your interests and he's always here if you need someone to talk to, whatever the topic is. he only starts thinking more about his feelings for you when floyd mentions jade being "totally in love with you". jade thinks floyd is just joking at first, but then floyd says that he was serious and jade's crush on you is more obvious than he thinks. and the funny thing is that.. jade is surprisingly casual about it. he just goes "oh. so i have a crush on them. okay". he never felt like this before, so he's a little confused, but it's not like he's about to have a breakdown because he just realized he's been in love with you this whole time.

♡ falling in love with you feels sweet and exciting. jade just thought you were a fun person when he first met you, but now it's hard for him to imagine his day without you. you've made him feel emotions he has never/rarely felt before. it's so unusual for him to worry about you, laugh at your jokes or be angry at someone who ruined your day. and trust him, all of those emotions are sincere. he's not pretending, you really made him feel all of this and even though he's not used to feeling this way, he can't wait to find out what else you're going to make him feel.

floyd leech.

♡ just like his twin, floyd already thought you were interesting when he just met you. he always followed you everywhere, he kept pranking you just to see your reaction and he thought that you getting annoyed with him was cute. and he found you even more interesting after he realized that even though he kept messing with you, you still let him hang out with you and didn't ask him to leave. huh, so you actually like his company, shrimpy? well, he's glad to hear that~

♡ floyd's feelings for you don't feel like a crush at all at first. he just thinks you're cute and that's it, really. but for some reason, he really hates it when he has to leave or when you don't give him enough attention. sometimes he takes a break (he doesn't tell azul anything though) from his work at mostro lounge just to hang out with you and he feels bored whenever you're not around. he has no idea why he feels like this, but.. who knows, maybe he really does like you, hehe.

♡ falling in love with you feels fun and full of surprises. floyd has never felt this way before and even though this feeling can be kinda annoying sometimes and it doesn't go away, he wants your relationship to become deeper and he wants to have more fun with you. just being friends is not enough for him anymore. you became an irreplaceable and extremely important part of his world and he hopes you feel the same about him.

scarabia.

kalim al-asim.

♡ kalim is kinda oblivious when it comes to crushes.. no, he's very oblivious. he really does believe he just likes you as a friend and even though it's true at first, as time passes, literally anyone can see that kalim treats you even better than people who he calls his friends. and considering how kind and friendly he is, this guy basically never leaves you alone even for a second and you get gifts from him every single day. he's constantly trying to come up with ways to make you happy and he thinks you have the most beautiful smile in the whole world. but yes, he definitely doesn't have a crush on you <3

♡ you and kalim would most likely have that friends to lovers dynamic. he's very easy to get along with and even though his energetic personality may be overwhelming sometimes, if he sees that you're tired or sad, he will tone it down a bit and ask you what's wrong. if you're not doing so well, he will genuinely worry about you a lot and he's okay with doing anything to make you feel better. he doesn't understand why your happiness matters to him so much, but.. maybe he just doesn't like it when someone is sad. and when YOU are sad, he feels like it's the end of the world and he has to do something about it immediately.

♡ kalim almost doesn't notice falling in love with you. he just thinks your friendship is becoming stronger and that's it. it's okay if he wants to hug you for a little bit longer, that's just because you're his best friend! it's okay if he wants to hold hands with you, he just doesn't want you to get lost and he's worried about you! it's okay if he wants to kiss you- oh. uh.. oh, you know, he means it in a platonic way! it's not like friends can't kiss each other! but if he actually wants to be more than friends with you.. would you be okay with that? wait, what is he even supposed to do with his feelings? maybe he should ask jamil for advice..

jamil viper.

♡ jamil's case is actually even worse because if kalim at least knows that you two have a good relationship and that you are friends, jamil is like "?? idk who you are to me. can i trust you. can i call you my friend". he thought you were okay when he first met you, but didn't pay too much attention to you, though he certainly appreciated you being.. you know, a more "normal" person than most nrc students (especially kalim). he actually feels like he can rely on you, honestly. he won't talk to you too much though, who knows what you're really like jamil if you're hiding something it doesn't mean that everyone around you is like that

♡ jamil doesn't understand why he feels so strange around you. at first he feels like he can trust you, even though he still tries to stop himself and tells himself that you can easily stab him in the back. and why are you so nice to him? you're probably just trying to become friends because you think that having a close relationship with someone like him could be useful, right? well, he's not gonna fall for that. and stop praising him all the time already. he told you that he's just a vice dorm leader and his abilities are not that special- wait, why does he feel good after hearing your compliments. oh no. oh no, he doesn't want you to stop.

♡ falling in love with you feels scary and jamil doesn't want to admit that he sees you not only as a friend (though he won't tell you that), but also as someone who he loves and wants to be with. you actually listen to him, you give him love and attention that he always wanted and you recognize his talents, but you still think that they are not the only good things about him and jamil is also just a very good person who deserves to be loved. jamil doesn't feel like he's ready to open up to you just yet, but he really doesn't want to miss a chance to finally find someone who will care about him as much as he cares about them.

pomefiore.

vil schoenheit.

♡ your relationship with vil definitely had a rough start. he criticized you a lot, he told you to take better care of your appearance, health and all of that. you felt like this guy hates you and tried to avoid him as best as you could. however, you were wrong and even though vil still thought that you could do better and you have some things to work on, he didn't hate you. in fact, he thought you were an interesting person who has their own talents and abilities, but they have to work on them more so that they can achieve their goals faster. so yeah, he basically tried to motivate you, but he probably didn't do a very good job.

♡ other people can notice vil giving you quite a lot of attention but not in a good way. it means that he's especially harsh on you. most students start to agree with you and think that the guy hates you, but his vice dorm leader knows that it's not true at all. rook is sure that vil is being so rude just because he believes you're better than most nrc students and he wants you to reach your full potential. but wow, it really feels like vil is almost obsessed with you. rook mentions that vil almost never stops talking about you lately and vil says that it's not true- no, rook, don't even joke about vil having a crush on you.

♡ even though vil sure has a lot of braincells, he almost doesn't notice falling in love with you as well. he really thinks he's just mad at you for not "trying hard enough", but this guy actually cares about you a lot. it may seem like he's angry at you and he hates you, but he's actually just very worried. what do you mean your sleep schedule doesn't even exist. go to sleep already, don't you know what happens to your skin if you don't get enough rest?? no, he's not worried about your health, it's just. uh. anyway, what about your hair-

rook hunt.

♡ finally. finally someone who actually knows they have feelings for you. though it may take some time for rook to realize that he's in love with you and not just admiring your beauty, he still would understand his feelings for you earlier than most characters here. he understands how romance works better than them, okay. very chad behavior of him sure, he thinks all people are beautiful in their own way, but you feel a little bit more special to him. his heart beats faster around you and he finds it hard to take his eyes off you. he never felt like this before around other students or people in general.

♡ rook would be very affectionate with you, however, he would take his time and wouldn't confess his feelings for you that early. he wants his confession to feel unique and special, he has to be prepared for that moment! he also needs some time to learn more about you. he wants to get to know you better, he wants to know what kind of person you are, how you see the world and he hopes that this way he will be able to predict your reaction to his confession. but of course, he doesn't do it just to earn your trust, he really is curious and wants to know more. you're just so interesting to him, he wants to know what exactly made him fall in love with you this hard.

♡ falling in love with you feels like a fairytale. it's so magical and exciting, rook wishes he never stops feeling this way. you are everything to him, all of his thoughts are about you and he's not complaining. he may joke about you distracting him from everything else, but he's actually more than happy and he doesn't mind being obsessed with you at all. yes, he may still compliment other people's beauty and talents, but don't worry, he has eyes only for you and he's more loyal to you than you think he is.

epel felmier.

♡ unless you make fun of his height, call him cute too often or refuse to take him seriously, epel wouldn't mind your company at all. who knows, maybe you two can actually become friends. and you do become friends! how fun! epel didn't expect to get along with you so easily, but he's more than okay with it. he's glad to have someone he can trust enough to talk about his true feelings and show his true personality to. he's more open and honest with you and he feels like you would never judge him no matter what he does or says.

♡ this feeling slowly starts turning into deep love and affection for you, though epel doesn't seem to notice that and still thinks you're just a friend to him. but he does notice feeling a bit more anxious around you now. why? well, it's like.. he wants to become better for you. he wants to impress you. h-he doesn't have a reason for that, really. he just.. wants you to notice how great and talented he really is. he wants you to praise him and smile at hiim while saying that what he did was amazing. again, he doesn't have a reason for that. totally.

♡ falling in love with you feels sweet and bitter at the same time. epel feels safe when you're around and he feels like he can tell you anything, but he's also scared that you actually don't think he's that special. he does slowly start to realize he's in love with you and that makes him feel even more scared. he needs to become a better person for you, he needs to become stronger, he wants to become someone who can protect you, who can impress you and who you can rely on. so forgive him for taking some time to work on that, he promises that he will tell you the truth when he's ready.

ignihyde.

idia shroud.

♡ idia genuinely doesn't understand why you're so nice to him. it actually scares him a little and he never knows what to expect from you. you're not as extroverted as some other nrc students, like kalim for example, but you still always run to idia whenever you see him and try to talk to him more. what do you want from him? you're just doing this out of pity, aren't you? it's okay, you don't have to give him so much attention, idia loves being alone, also he has online friends, so it's not like he's a complete loner or anything.

♡ you still try to get to know him better. you just want to help idia get out of his shell and become more confident. you don't think that being an introvert is a bad thing at all, but you still think that idia should start socializing more anyway. and you're sure that idia wants to make more friends as well, he's just afraid of being rejected. no, idia, you don't think that all these people are normies, you're just scared of them and trying to come up with an excuse so that you don't have to talk to them.

♡ falling in love with you feels sudden and predictable at the same time. of course idia shroud would fall for a person who's always there to support him and genuinely wants to become friends with him. he's affection-starved, okay? he may say that you can be really annoying sometimes, but he actually waits for you to text him or say hi to him every single day and if for some reason you can't talk to him, he feels lost and.. sad, even? please, don't leave him alone.. he knows that he's most likely too lame or boring for you, but he can't stand the thought of you leaving him.

diasomnia.

malleus draconia.

♡ i wouldn't call it love at first sight, but right after malleus met you, he knew that you're gonna become someone special to him. you didn't know anything about him. you didn't know his real name, status, his real identity. you didn't care about his reputation and you simply thought he seemed like an interesting person to talk to. he also seemed a little lonely too and you really could use a friend in a world like this, so yeah, that's how all of it started. he thought that the nickname you gave him was cute too.

♡ malleus gets used to your company too quickly. in fact, he can't imagine what he would do if you suddenly disappeared or simply lost interest in him. he got used to your kindness, to your smile, to your laugh, to your affection. his world becomes more warm and fun when you're around. but of course, he doesn't want this relationship to be too one-sided. he would do anything to protect you, help you or simply make you smile. you deserve the same happiness that you give him.

♡ falling in love with you feels soft and sweet, but also.. scary. malleus feels so happy when you're around, whenever he wakes up, he immediately thinks of you. you're everything to him. so if he loses you.. he will lose everything. he can't let you leave him. of course, he knows that you come from a different world and twisted wonderland isn't your home. he knows that you will leave him sooner or later. but.. is it selfish of him to want you to stay here for as long as possible? maybe you don't even have to leave?

lilia vanrouge.

♡ lilia thought you were cute right when he first met you. your reactions to his sudden appearances were so funny, it was hard for him to stop surprising you like this. at first your relationship dynamic was just like that, lilia kept surprising/scaring you, you screamed, he laughed and asked you to not be mad at him, he just likes your reactions too much. but as he started learning more about you, he realized that there are so many things he likes about you and it's not just you being an adorable scaredy-cat.

♡ for some reason, even though you wouldn't be able to tell from his behavior, lilia feels very calm when you're around. it's like his thoughts about his past and everything that he had to go through during his very, VERY long life can finally give him a break when he's with you. he doesn't have to worry about that, he can just stay here in present. and actually, he likes staying in present much more now thanks to you. but you're so naive, so innocent, so fragile, lilia thinks it's cute but he's also extremely worried about you because of that. you weren't made for this world. no matter how much you get praised for your job as a prefect, twisted wonderland is still too much for someone like you.

♡ lilia falls in love with you slowly, but when it happens, it feels so overwhelming, lilia has no idea what to do. he knows that having a romantic relationship with you is probably not the best idea considering that you'll have to leave this world someday and even if you don't.. he also doesn't have much time left. but if it's possible, if there's at least a tiny chance of him being in a happy relationship with you, he doesn't want to miss that chance. he may not have much time left, but he would do anything to spend all of that time with you.

silver.

♡ you and silver become friends surprisingly quickly. he knows he can trust you to wake him up when he falls asleep again, even though you think he looks very cute when he's asleep and you want him to get enough rest. whenever silver blames himself for being too lazy or incompetent, you're always here to remind him that he's already doing his best and he doesn't have to be so harsh on himself. he definitely will become a great knight one day no matter what, you believe in him!

♡ your kind words and your support make silver enjoy hanging out with you too much. he lets you watch him train, he finds it relaxing to take a nap when you're there with him and you run your fingers through his hair while he's asleep. even though he seems like a chill guy, he's scared of letting his father and his master down, but he always can rely on you when doesn't feel confident enough and he needs someone to tell him that everything is gonna be fine and lilia and malleus are already proud of him. and you're proud of him too.

♡ falling in love with you feels like a dream that he doesn't want to wake up from. he never thought his life was that bad, but it surely got better thanks to you. he wants to thank you for everything you did for him, he wants to protect you from all the dangers of this world. he knows that he wanted to become a knight so that he can repay lilia and malleus, but now.. he wants to be your knight as well. no, please, don't worry about him, he genuinely wants to do it. you always give him motivation to keep going and it would be an honor for him to become someone who can always protect you.

sebek zigvolt.

♡ yeah, your relationship with sebek wouldn't be that good at first. you two would argue a lot, he would never stop calling you a "lowly human" even though he's a half-human himself. and if you even think of saying anything bad about malleus, that's it, he's this close to killing you on sight. and you did hate sebek for acting like that at first, but as time passed, for some reason you actually started finding it.. entertaining? you loved to make him angry on purpose and then you decided to start teasing and even flustering him. yes, you did flirt with him multiple times just to see what kind of reaction he would give you, so what?

♡ sebek doesn't know how to feel about you. he knows he's supposed to think you're weak and pathetic because, you know, you're a human, but.. why does he feel so weird when you throw your dumb pickup lines at him? and why he feels like he actually wants to be praised by you and he wants you to notice how talented he really is? he knows that you're most likely not being serious most of the time, but he really wants you to be serious for once. uh, he just wants to be praised by you because he deserves it and that's it. it doesn't mean he wants you to be serious when you flirt with him, haha..

♡ sebek really didn't want to fall in love with you and he didn't expect to catch feelings for someone like you, but it still happened. he just doesn't understand why you still hang out with him even though he doesn't treat you that well. and how is he supposed to react when you tease him like that? he knows he should stay serious, but for some reason he just can't control his emotions when he's around you even though he's never that good at controlling them. he also realizes that even though you're a human, you're capable of doing many things and.. ugh, he really doesn't want to say it, but you're actually just as good as some magic users. y-you still have a lot to work on though.

royal sword academy.

chenya.

♡ you and chenya first met during that one unbirthday party after riddle's overblot. you were surprised to find out that a guy from a different school (and a rival school too!) was able to get here so easily and didn't care what nrc students will think of him. and also you thought that the way he could easily appear and disappear as he pleases (or he could just stay as a floating head) was funny. so yes, this guy managed to pique your curiosity.

♡ chenya himself thought you were quite interesting and he was even more surprised when he found out that you came to rsa secretly from other students just to see him. haha, you really betrayed your own school like this for him! wow, y/n, that's something only a lovestruck person would do! but he has to admit, he likes you even more now. just what kind of person are you? you're so full of mysteries and chenya isn't sure if he wants to know all the answers or it would be more interesting to keep it this way.

♡ falling in love with you is fun and exciting. you keep spending more time with chenya no matter what other nrc students think and chenya likes to make jokes about stealing you from nrc students so that you never have to leave him. is he just joking though?.. well, it doesn't matter. what matters more is that you both always end up having so much fun and you feel so comfortable with each other that there's been multiple times when one of you was very close to kissing the other. and lately, it's been very hard for you both to control your feelings.

neige leblanche.

♡ when you first heard of neige, you couldn't believe that someone like that actually existed. i mean, someone more beautiful and popular than vil? is that even possible? and when you finally saw him for the first time.. you were a bit underwhelmed. yes, neige is definitely very pretty, he's adorable, actually, but.. is that really it? but when you actually meet each other, you find it surprising just how nice neige really is. he's very polite, he treats you with kindness and makes sure you're comfortable. oh no, he's so cute, you're about to fall in love-

♡ you actually feel kind of pathetic for getting a crush on neige. it's just.. so predictable, you're really not that special and you're not any better than his fans. you doubt that he will ever notice you, you're just a magicless human from a different world, you don't deserve to be with someone like him. but what you don't know is that neige fell in love with you right when he first saw you. not because of your appearance, even though he thinks you're really pretty, but because of your personality, the way you treat other people and stay kind and patient no matter what. it's very impressive for someone who was basically forced to stay in this world against their will.

♡ falling in love with you feels like neige's life turned into an actual romance movie, but this time he doesn't know anything about the plot, especially the ending. he sure hopes you two will get your happy ending though. neige loves his fans and he really doesn't want to make them sad, he knows that dating someone when he's this popular is not the best decision, but he really, really wants to be with you. this is what true love feels like to him.

noble bell college.

rollo flamme.

♡ you were a bit intimidated by rollo when you first met him, you just.. thought he was a bit scary, haha. but then you noticed just how kind he is to you and that even though he's polite to all nrc students, you're a special case and you certainly are his "favorite". he also was the first person who actually thought you didn't deserve to go through all of this and that it must be very scary and overwhelming for you to have no other choice but to stay in this world full of danger and.. magic. so yes, you got used to his kindness pretty quickly, even though you still had a feeling that something is not quite right.

♡ and yeah, it turned out that rollo really wasn't the best person to trust. he hated magic with all his heart and he wanted it to disappear. and it was hard for him to choose between his growing love for you and his hatred for magic, but then he managed to convince himself that he's doing all of this for your own good and in the end you'll have no other choice but to agree with him. after rollo is defeated, he expects you to hate him as much as others hate him, but to his shock.. you forgive him. you had to deal with six overblots, even though nrc students saved the day this time, it's not like they're much better than him. so yes, you think rollo still can change and you want to give him a second chance.

♡ after that, rollo's love for you becomes even stronger. he can't stop thinking about you and it's hard to tell if he's in love with you or he's obsessed with you. when you have to go back to nrc, it gets even worse and everything around rollo reminds him of you. he really wishes you could spend more time together and he wasn't so focused on his plan. he's gonna be honest, he doesn't really regret doing.. well, all that, but the fact that he could use that time to talk to you more makes him think that maybe.. maybe trying to steal everyone's magic wasn't a good idea. yes, he thinks so only because he could spend more time with you instead of taking everyone's powers. listen, he needs some time, he will change. probably. maybe.

[selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs]

Hello!! I love your work n au sm I’ve been ADDICTED!! 💖💖

Could I possibly request a Kunikida x GN! Reader where the reader is deeply insecure about relationships and unknowingly fits his ideals ? Ie: hard worker, good w/ kids, stuff like that? Like reader is lamenting about how all their friends are in relationships but nobody seems to look at them in that way and Kunikida is like erm actually ☝️☝️

Thanku sm either way I love reading everything you write 😸😸

Ideal partner

Self-Aware! Kunikida Doppo x GN! Reader

Description: People said, that Kunikida's ideal partner don't Kunikida disagrees.

Warning: OOC. English is my second language. Reader are insecure.

_______

"It's... Something, Kunikida-san." Atsushi turned the page of Kunikida's notebook. Dazai, who has been looking at the notebook's pages above Atsushi's shoulder, huffed.

"You are quite a hard-worker, Kunikida-kun. Spending the whole night filling that thing."

John Steinbeck, who was carrying crates with supplies, that were collected by The Guild, walked past them. He gave them a side glance.

"Discussing something interesting, detectives?"

"Ideals" Dazai waved his hand. Steinbeck gave them a weird look and start walking again, mumbling 'our new roommates' under his breath.

Lifestyle in Yokohama was changing. However, something didn't change at all. And, something, was brought back to existence.

Like a familiar book of a certain blonde detective.

Kunikida Doppo didn't want to admit it, but, after making peace with being self-aware (and getting attached to you) he feels that something still was missing. Something small, but important.

His book of ideals was missing. Well, technically, the notebook itself still was with him. But it was empty. No ideals were written down.

Kunikida couldn't bare it anymore. So, he spent the whole"night" (or what was supposed to be night in the Real World, according to your phone's watch) writing down his new set of ideals.

It put him in a good mood. And, even after he got scolded by Fukuzawa ("Kunikida, I understand, that you want to work as hard as you can, and get to Guiding Light as fast as possible, but, please, mind the time. Otherwise, it will be a hassle, when we got to the Real World and had to get used to normal day/night cycle."), Kunikida's good mood didn't change.

"Your ideal partner criteria are still here and still something, Kunikida-kun. Are you sure, that you can find such person even in the Real World?" Dazai grinned teasingly. Kunikida rolled his eyes.

"Say whatever you want, Dazai, but my ideal partner do exist. And I will find them."

Dazai shrugged. His grin became even wider.

"We will see."

__________

"Well, I expect something like that, but not to that extent." Dazai mumbled, looking at Kunikida's "Ideal partner" list. Near each sentence was now a little plus symbol drawn.

Kunikida glared at Dazai.

"And what that supposed to mean?!"

Dazai quickly raised both of his hands.

"Nothing bad! Nothing bad! Just... I agree, that Iris Flower is great."

Great? You weren't just great! You were perfect. Kunikida could write a whole essay about how perfect you are.

You were a hardworking person. You do your job to the fullest. You always make sure, that everything is done perfectly.

You were great with children. You know, how to calm them down, what books and games offer them to pass the time. You even could make them do their homework without fussing.

You were kind, generous, smart. You have both inner and outer beauty.

You were perfect!

"... I am not surprised, that you want to have romantic relationship with them. But, I never expected that you would find all of your ideals in them. I did expect you to dismiss or change your ideals, so [Y/N] would fit them."

Dazai chuckled. A rare genuine smile appeared on his face.

"You managed to surprise me. I hope, that you will make [Y/N] happy. Just remember..."

Dazai's expression darkened. "If you break their heart..."

Kunikida glared at Dazai.

"How dare you think, that I will do something like that?! I will cherish them. We will have a loving courtship, before getting married."

Dazai visibly flinched.

"Kunikida-kun... For the love of everyone... Never let others, especially [Y/N], hear the words "loving courtship" ever again."

_______

That evening was one of the calm ones. Everyone were, mostly, minding their own business. Nikolai didn't annoy Fyodor. Dazai didn't annoy Chuuya and Kunikida. You were laying on a couch, mindlessly scrolling through the social media. Suddenly, your gaze catches a post from one of your co-worker, that you were friends with.

"Today is our anniversary! Look, what my sweetheart did for me 💝"

The post contains a photo of a table with home cooked breakfast on it. All dishes were decorated with paper hearts, a small vase with bouquet of flowers was standing in the middle of the table. A card with some lovey-dovey words was visible in the corner of the table.

You scrolled further.

As another nail in your good mood's coffin, the next post was from another one of your friend. That post was about getting into a new relationship.

You fight an urge to sign. Another one. Another one of your friends got in a relationship.

You weren't jealous. But you felt a little bit of hurt. Every time you heard about your friends' dates or partners, you felt, like you were the stereotypical forever single friend.

You went on dates before. But, there was never a second date. Your friends were getting into relationship. They looked happy. They weren't alone.

Meanwhile, you were alone. And, no matter how hard you try, you never managed to find a partner.

Perhaps, you weren't attractive enough to be viewed as someone's romantic partner.

"I am pretty sure, that your ex-partners have done more for your anniversary." Aya's voice sounded right above your ear. You jumped, turning your head towards her. The girl has climbed almost on the top of your armchair, looking at your phone screen above you. Bram's hand carefully grabbed her by the collar, gently picking her up.

"Manners, Princess." softly scolded he. Aya huffed.

"Sorry, Bra-chan, I just got so excited! So, [Y/N]..." Girl looked back at you. "I was right, right? Your ex-partners have done something better for your anniversary, yes?"

You were still blinking, trying to proceed the situation.

(No one noticed a strange mix of determination and jealousy on Kunikida's face)

You should be careful. Because kids were the worst, when they learned about your love life.

You bit your lip.

"Well, no, there were no celebrations for the anniversary..."

And hell got loose. The quiet room became loud. Everyone wants to say something, to complain about your terrible "ex-partners". Aya, still in Bram's hold, shook her first in the air.

"What?! What an awful people! How dare they?! Let me at them, I will teach them some respect!"

"Give me names!" you don't need to look at Teruko, to see her bloodthirsty expression.

Okay, you need to let the cat out of the bag.

You stand up and almost yelled.

"There were no anniversaries! Because I was never in a relationship! I never had a partner"

The room became quiet. Now everyone was staring at you.

Aya tilted her head.

"What? Why? Why you were never in a relationship before?"

You tried not to look in Aya's eyes.

"Why? I don't understand..."

You gulped. You really didn't want to talk about it. Time to change the subject.

"Oh, look at the time! I need to be somewhere else... In my room."

Good job, [Y/N], really smooth.

Bram start whispering something in Aya's ear. Count Stoker looked at you apologetically.

"Wait! I still don't understand! How came someone as amazing as you never had a partner?!" Aya ignored Bram's attempts to hush her, deciding to ask That Question. The girl looked not only curious, but also sad. She really thought, that your non-existent love live was something unfair.

You nervously looked around. You really didn't want to discuss it, especially with kids.

Because, of your nervousness, you didn't see, that Kunikida's face expression was quite similar to Aya's. Less curious, but, still an equally "That's unfair!" expression.

"I guess, there is nothing in me to be loved for..."

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!" you were pretty sure, that you have heard, how windows rattled because of Kunikida's scream.

Before anyone can do something, Kunikida grabbed you by the hand and started to drag you away.

_______

He stopped before your room. Kunikida was still holding your hand. His breathing was heavy.

You broke the silence.

"Kunikida... What..."

His voice was quiet but firm.

"Never... Never say, that there is nothing in you to be loved for."

You looked away.

"Kunikida, there's no need to try to cheer me up. I already made peace with that fact..."

Kunikida softly squeeze your hand.

"I mean it... You are really important to me... You fit all of my ideals."

You closed your mouth. Kunikida took his notebook and showed you the list of his ideal partner criteria. Each of them had pluses drawn near. You didn't know what to say. Kunikida's voice was soft.

"When I became self-aware, my notebook was completely empty. There was nothing. Not even one of my ideals were written down. The big part of my life was gone. And then I find a strength to live on. I find you."

You won't cry. You won't cry.

Kunikida's gaze soften.

"I wrote my ideals down again. It was my own decision. And I managed to do it, because you gave me strength."

Kunikida carefully cupped your face.

"My ideals for a partner... I thought, of what I want to see in them. Not about someone particular. You fit all of them by being your own person. [Y/N], My Ideal, you are perfect. You make me feel so happy... What I want to say..."

Kunikida blushed. You felt, like your face was on fire.

"Do you want to go on a date with me?"

You shyly nodded. Suddenly, Kunikida leaned forward and kissed you on a cheek. Still red, he mumbles.

"Great! I... I will... We will go at the end of the week, if it's fine with you."

You nodded again.

"Yes. I will wait for our date."

Kunikida's smile could brighten up the darkest abyss. Unknowingly, to you, your own smile was as bright as his.

[wexhappyxfew]

SHANNON!! You know how much I love the Silver Bullets girls, so I freaked when I saw you posted this!! You also know I love angst (who doesn't, right?). So, could I possibly get Bucky x Kennedy with the prompt, "Hands off!" OR "You'll back off if you know what's good for you."

I couldn't choose which one I liked more lol!! Protective Bucky is my absolute FAV! I know it is going to be amazing!! Thank youuuu!💕🫶

MADS!!!!! HELLO MY FRIEND!!!! so lovely to see you both in the inbox and sending in this duo and prompt! :D i saw it and was immediately like - mads you are a GEM - because protective bucky IS the absolute best!!!! THANK YOU FOR THE SILVER BULLETS LOVE!!! they're my girls and are a joy to write so truly thank you :) your love and support has meant so so much!! i DO know you are an angst lover too hehe, so i decided to take a look at the earlier days of kennedy x bucky knowing one another (with extended cameos from judy and paulina - paulina who i wanted to work with more since i have written a lot of her yet), and dealing with...a rather precarious moment in which bucky is VERY MUCH being protective over the SB girls (with hints of kennedy x bucky of course because that's what makes the world go 'round). i went with the second prompt because i just couldn't help myself with that prompt - it's just too good!!! so please enjoy!!! <333333

far less losses

(a/n): you remember when judy mentioned that john egan has an 'awful soft spot for the Silver Bullets crew'? well....here we are, with bucky showing off that soft spot (which also equates to his soft spot for a certain kennedy farley) all on display. SO -- please enjoy kennedy, judy and paulina, with a bit of bucky being well....bucky haha! please enjoy and thank you again! <3

"I think it's cute!" Judy exclaimed with a smile from beside Kennedy in the mirror in the bunk room the Silver Bullets girls were camped out in, "Truly, Kenny, just even taking those few extra minutes to pull a few pieces of hair away from your beautiful face always makes you feel better."

Judy was right - and she usually was.

After a rather depleting mission that morning, Kennedy had been feeling like laying down and staring at the ceiling for the rest of the evening was her ultimate goal, but Judy Rybinski had found her and convinced her to pull on her Class-A's and take an hour or two to destress in the local pub.

Kennedy shifted herself side to side in the mirror, her thick ginger hair that was usually pulled back from her face in a poor-looking ponytail or hastily put-together braids, appreciating the extra minute Judy had taken in telling her to leave her hair down and clip up some stray pieces behind the lower part of the crown of her head.

"This looks nice." Kennedy said, her voice sounding strange at the sight of seeing herself actually looking quite pretty. Usually covered in grease, dirt and other substances that she didn't even want to know of, seeing her face so bright and clean, her brown eyes light and alive, made her smile a bit.

"You look so pretty, Kenny," Judy said from beside her in the mirror, glancing up at her with the most genuine look on her face, "seriously, you could walk in any pub in England and they'd think that it's Rita Hayworth." Kennedy couldn't help but grin at Judy's words as she took in all angles she could.

"Oh, c'mon, Judy," Kennedy said, glancing down at the ball gunner, "you could do much of the same and they'd think it's Ingrid Bergman."

"That's mighty kind of you Kenny," Judy said with a chuckle, her face glowing, "Ingrid is quite the star, isn't she? Top compliments from Kenny Farley herself."

"What can I say? I'm a miracle worker at the best of times." Kennedy said and Judy laughed again, before looking up to Kennedy softly.

"Let's go get some drinks." Judy said, "Forget about whatever the hell today was, right?"

The walk across base with the sun nearly set was quite peaceful, especially in the summer months - it almost felt like home in some weird way.

Growing up with both older and younger siblings - all brothers - she'd spent enough of her summer days outside from dawn to dusk, drinking her mother's fresh-made lemonade, peeling oranges and eating cheese sandwiches, catching frogs, playing in the streets, making a fair attempt at a ball game where she was usually one of the only girls (having brothers made you automatically a part of the line-up, even if you struck out 90% of the time, she got better though).

She'd come inside, sweating, covered in dirt and grass, with her freckles on full display and her mother would tell her to go and get herself cleaned up for dinner. And everything would smell like fresh lavender soap and soft linen, and dinner would be roasted chicken, carrots, potatoes, asparagus, all the fixings, more lemonade, cookies for desert. Her mother would have to make multiple batches just to feed all her hungry kids.

And her dad would come back from work and be cracking jokes, telling them stories from work, what he had done that day. Something about summer, at home, in Boston.

My how the times had changed from then to now.

The local town pub was a place she'd been a few times, but each time it was much of the same when she got in. It was in fact like entering a whole different world that was separated from both summer and Thorpe Abbotts.

Everything smelled like beer and smoke, there was also music playing, people dancing and without a doubt, every corner you turned, you were shaking hands with someone, introducing yourself and saying your hellos. A home away from home. And it was quite the eclectic mix - USAAF and RAF pilots and crew members all together, local town people, Land Girls. Enough of a comfort though so you could enjoy your drink and meet a new face or two.

"Pretty crowded." Judy said from beside her as they stepped inside and took their ganders around, "Never seen so many people shoved in one place."

"One too many bad missions seems to send everybody here, I won't lie, Judy." Kennedy said, reaching up to tuck some hair back over her shoulder, and letting her eyes glance around again.

"Look who decided to show up." Judy and Kennedy looked up to see Paulina, resident radio op, coming towards them, her long, dark hair elegantly curled, her red lipstick making an appearance again that reminded Kennedy starkly of their training days where Paulina was always going on about the importance of always carrying a tube of lipstick where she went. She always said that you'd never know who'd you see - Christ, Cary Grant could show up and you'll be thanking yourself for that damn tube of lipstick!

"Thought you were staying in?" Kennedy shrugged.

"Judy dragged me out. Promised to pay for a drink."

"Hey!" Judy said looking to Kennedy and teasingly shoving at her shoulder, "I didn't say a thing about paying! I told ya that you needed to get out. Destress. Ya know?" Paulina snickered and glanced to Kennedy who smirked.

"And…I didn't drag you out. I was just convincing enough to get you outta that bunk room." Judy said, "It's a good trait to have, isn't it, Pauli?"

"That's right," Paulina said, stepping forward to wrap an arm around Judy's shoulders, "let's get you two some drinks, alright? And….just so you know, Lieutenant Bradshaw offered to open a tab, so….go crazy, I don't know….I guess she could see plenty of the looks on our faces."

"She's a sweetheart." Judy said with a smile.

"She always knows," Kennedy said quietly as they moved towards the bar, "she's good like that. Reminds me of Birdie."

"She always reminds me of Birdie." Paulina said with a sad smile, "Maybe it's a sign from Birdie up above. Letting us get ourselves Annie Bradshaw as our pilot. You know?"

"I take any sorta stuff like that as a sign," Judy said as they approached the bar and called for three beers, "there's no one like Birdie, but there sure as hell isn't a soul like Annie Bradshaw."

"You ever think about what might've happened if Birdie hadn't gotten hit?" Paulina asked as the tender brought their beers and gave them a smile - Paulina took a long, hard sip before sighing, "Just….things would be so different, but we woulda never met Annie. I don't fucking know, it's weird to think about sometimes."

Kennedy and Judy exchanged quiet glances, but it wasn't like Paulina was lying. Sometimes it was weird to ponder a thing like that - if Birdie had never died and they had never met Annie. And then in moments like this, Kennedy always though that life worked to do things in ways that were always meant to be and clearly what had happened was meant to be, despite the circumstances.

And Annie Bradshaw was always meant to be Silver Bullets' command pilot in place of Birdie Faulkner.

That was one thing for sure.

"Good evening." All three of their heads turned to find one of the RAF pilots they'd seen hanging around in the weeks previous coming towards them, his eyes catching Kennedy's in a way that made her slowly shift her gaze away and sip at her drink again. She sighed. Paulina rolled her eyes.

"Evening." Paulina said slowly, lifting her mug of beer towards him before sipping it and growing quiet. Judy glanced at Kennedy, who gave her a quiet look.

Many of the men that were outside the 100th were usually nice and cordial to them. There'd been some off-handed, unneeded comments before about women in aviation, but they'd heard enough of it to ignore any sort of comment like that. They'd heard it all. For months. Some for years. Ignorance was bliss.

"You three wouldn't happen to be part of the lady crew in the 100th would you?" he asked them, sipping his beer slowly and meeting all their gazes, "I've just had quite the conversation with your Annie Bradshaw if you are. Sweet girl."

"It's Lieutenant." Kennedy offered his way, meeting his gaze again, "She's our pilot."

"Ah," the RAF - Kennedy thought he was a pilot it seemed - pilot said, with a nod, "very sweet girl." Paulina shifted beside Kennedy and sighed.

"Command pilot." Paulina muttered under her breath.

"Anything else?" Judy asked, almost sweetly, but slightly like she were undercutting his words in a way where she wanted to try and disperse the interaction as quickly as possible, "We've had a long day." The RAF pilot glanced at her and smiled, before glancing at Kennedy and Paulina.

"Long day? What ever was the matter?" he asked them and then chuckled slightly and sipped his beer again, "Right - you fly during the day, am I correct?"

"Here we fucking go," Paulina said, pushing back from the bar table, looking ready to start swinging, but Kennedy held her arm and looked to the RAF pilot again, "I swear to God, Kenny."

"We do." Kennedy said, "Why? Is there a problem with that?" The RAF pilot chuckled.

"No, no, not at all. Just curious." Kennedy leaned forward and raised a brow.

"Curious. Curious, curious, curious - what are we curious about it. We've been doing it ever since we came across the fucking pond-"

"What we're trying to say," Judy said interrupting her and giving both Kennedy and Paulina a look, "that's just what we do. We do days, you do nights. Either way, we're pounding the Germans day and night and you should be really thankful for that. You do what you all do, and we do what we do. And it works."

"You'd have far less losses." he offered, in a way that sounded condescending - it made Kennedy's skin crawl.

Far less losses.

Birdie.

Birdie invaded her mind like she always did.

"Listen, we just finished a really crappy mission," Kennedy said, leaning forward and gently wrapping an arm over Judy's shoulders and pulling her closer back from the RAF pilot, "we can pick up this conversation another time."

"Apologies, apologies," the RAF pilot said, holding up his hands in a pitiful, mock-defense, "I'm only commenting on such happenings. Nothing more."

"Commenting-" Kennedy started, but another voice entered her ears.

"Evening."

"Major." the RAF pilot said, suddenly straightening up, sticking out his hand to shake, and his eyes turning glossy, that earlier determination and confidence dwindling.

Kennedy slowly looked back over her shoulder and watched as Major Egan, the smell of beer and cologne wafting off of him, came to a stop beside the three of them there, looking towards the RAF pilot with a face that was the closest to stone-cold that there could be. And Major Egan was not the best at schooling his emotions and concealing what he was actually feeling, but he was doing a pretty damn good job right now.

"What are we talking about?" Major Egan asked, his voice deeper than Kennedy had heard it before, as he crossed his arms and straightened his back, looking directly at the RAF pilot, "Go on, don't mind me."

"Uh, well-"

"Just about our missions," Judy butted in sweetly, looking up at Major Egan, "sir, we were just discussing our….rather interesting differences. But that we bomb the Germans all the same."

"Really?" Major Egan said, almost sarcastically, his smile wide on his cheeks, his voice a crack higher, his tone one that he always had when he was trying to hide his annoyance, "Thank you for that Rybinski, really valuable information." Major Egan looked at the RAF pilot. "You should've just come and talked right with me. These ladies have had a long day. Up at 0300 and still making it out here. They don't wanna have to discuss anything with missions and all. You should know." The group fell quiet as the RAF pilot rather loudly and quite nervously slurped at his beer.

"I just knew they were apart of the lady crew. With Annie Bradshaw-"

"Lieutenant Bradshaw-" Major Egan offered.

"-and I just figured I'd have a chat with them. Never did do much talking about missions with a lady crew before."

"Oh and it's bound to be your last-" Major Egan commented.

"Sir-" Kennedy said looking to him and giving him a look as he met her gaze. Something in his eye told her that he was going to stop until this RAF pilot walked away and she was almost too tired to care if he did say something more or not.

"What's all this about a lady crew, too?" Major Egan said, "They're another one of our crews in the 100th. Did all the same training we did, same shit." Major Egan chuckled. "You wouldn't know that because you were here, what? Drinking warm beer and complaining about the sun-shining, huh? Upset it wasn't nighttime-"

"Major." Paulina said looking up at him, "Just ignore him, we were going to go find Lieutenant Bradshaw anyway."

"Nah, nah," Major Egan said, stepping forward, closer to the RAF pilot this time - the height difference was palpable, with the RAF pilot looking upwards and Major Egan looking downwards, like some sort of quiet conversation being exchanging between the two, "gotta name?"

"Uh, Langley, sir-"

"Langley." Major Egan said, with a funny tone to his voice that was clearly making fun of the way the RAF pilot had said it, "Where the hell you from, Langley?"

"Birmingham. Sir."

"Oh, you're gonna start calling me sir, now, huh?" Major Egan said glancing back at the group of the three of them and grinning that sarcastic, shit-eating grin and pointing over his shoulder, "He called me sir, what a fucking character." Major Egan turned back to the RAF pilot and let his face grow cold.

"The crew is Silver Bullets and they're apart of the 100th just like myself," Major Egan said, "and they've had a long day. All of us have, got it? So, you'll back off if you know what's good for you. And leave these ladies alone and run along to you and your British friends, alright? Get yourself some warm beer, too."

"It's not really super warm-"

"You drink warm fucking beer." Major Egan said with a look, hands on his hips this time, "Go on."

Slowly Kennedy glanced back at the RAF pilot and watched as his brain seemed to rewire, licking his lips quickly as he did so, before retreating like a dog with its tail between its legs. The three of them watched as Major Egan watched the RAF pilot turn to leave, ducking out of the pub with the beer in his hand. Major Egan turned to them, a grin on his face, clearly satisfied with the words that had left his lips and then met her gaze.

"What a guy," Major Egan said, as Kennedy held his gaze, her cheeks heating slightly as she looked back to her beer sat, the glass practically melting on the beer and sighed, "these RAF pilots got a set to be saying stuff like that to you all."

"He said he talked to Lieutenant Bradshaw, sir," Judy said looking up to Major Egan who leaned up the bar beside her, "called her a sweet girl and all. He couldn't even seem to fathom the idea of Annie flying planes." Judy chuckled and looked to Major Egan again. "He probably would've fainted on the spot to hear that we actually are pretty efficient as an all-female bombing crew." Major Egan chuckled at her words and raised a hand for a beer.

"Got that right, Rybinski." Major Egan said with a smile Judy's way before looking to Kennedy and Paulina, "Everyone doing okay after today?"

One thing Kennedy always appreciated with their leaders was that they recognized the toll missions like that took on people - whether if they showed it on their faces or not, their eyes always spoke in ways they couldn't. And he could see that, that much was true.

"I have a cold beer in my hand, sir," Paulina said with a smile, "that's enough to be thankful for after today I must admit." Major Egan let the corner of his lip poke upwards and glanced at Kennedy.

"Farley." Major Egan said, his voice a drip softer than it had been when he'd first come over, "You're quiet."

"And when Kenny Farley's quiet," Judy said with a small smile, "you know the mission today was beating us more than helping us, sir." Major Egan looked to Judy with a saddened smile on his face before looking back at Kennedy.

"Just thinking about something that pilot said, sir," Kennedy said, looking to Paulina and Judy before looking back to him again, lacing and unlacing her fingers over and over again in a nervous way, "reminded me of Birdie." The group of four grew quiet at her words.

"Just when he was going on, sir, about flying night missions," Kennedy said with a nod, "something like we'd have far less losses than if we flew at night. And it just….I don't know, shit like that bothers me. Because he clearly knew about our crew sir, which meant he oughta have heard about Birdie." Major Egan's eyes shifted to hers again, before he glanced back over his shoulder towards the doorway, shuddering his shoulders and letting out a disgruntled groan. He reached forward to take a long sip of his beer and then stood up from the bar and looked to them.

"Come find me if another one of these smucks has another fucking comment," Major Egan said, reaching up to run a hand through his dark curls on his head, before offering a smile, "no one makes comments about the Silver Bullets crew without me hearing about it, alright?" Then he turned and Kennedy couldn't help but step forward and wrap her hand around his upper arm and look up at him.

"Don't do anything stupid, sir," Kennedy said, looking up at him knowingly, "you can have your thoughts about Silver Bullets and our crew, but other people don't like the looks of a woman in the service, nor a whole bombing crew. Don't go getting yourself into more trouble than is needed, sir, alright?"

"Farley," Major Egan said, reaching up to rest a hand on her shoulder, "I've already made enough comments towards them, about them, for them to build a bridge to the States and back. Defending you all ain't much trouble." Kennedy stared at him and fell quiet. "Look, I just got a few choice words for him. That's all."

"Those choice words better involve, don't say that sorta shit like that again and then a firm goodbye and no more, sir," Kennedy said looking at him, "you don't need that face sporting anymore black eyes."

"You think I got a pretty face, Farley?" Major Egan said, looking sideways at her with that award-winning grin again, pearly whites shiny and bright, his eyes squinty, his gaze on her. Kennedy stared at him, the tops of her cheeks turning red as she suddenly felt herself stand quite still, "Go back and enjoy a drink with Stagliano and Rybinski without someone like him hanging over you. Don't worry about me." Kennedy watched him and then slowly nodded.

"Thanks for that back there by the way, sir," she said, quicker than she wanted, her eyes holding his, "it was a long day, with the mission and all. We just wanted a night out without thinking about it, sir, ya know?" Major Egan smiled and bumped her shoulder.

"Think of it as free entertainment." Major Egan said with a grin, before nodding towards the door, "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to head out for a bit. Enjoy your beer." He quirked out a grin. "You should wear your hair like that more often." And with that, he was stepping away, running his hand through his own hair and stepping outside the pub again. Kennedy watched him go, her cheeks flaming red - the fact he had noticed her hair was enough for her to swallow it down and forget about it. She turned and slid back to the bar, in between Paulina and Judy.

"What'd he say?" Paulina asked, bumping her shoulder, "Looked pretty damn happy about telling that guy off."

"I think he's probably gonna take a punch to the face, but he's going to go send the message home it seems." Kennedy said quietly as Judy giggled, "What?"

"The look on his face when he saw you weren't the happiest camper, oh Kennedy, it was real sweet." Judy said as Kennedy sipped her beer and ignored the swirl in her stomach and crimson on her cheeks, "He's just sweet on us, you know that. They all are. They'd defend us tooth and nail any day."

"See," Paulina said, leaning towards Kennedy and dropping her voice so only Kennedy and Judy could here, "could've put on that tube of red lipstick even just for him."

"Pauli!" Kennedy admonished and Judy giggled.

"You ain't ever gonna forget it, Kenny, never!"

[darthpastry]

Welcome to part two of my official Henry-hate crusade. Time to cover the true ending of Pizzeria Sim! For this one, I want to take one of the fandoms favorite moments, the connection terminated speech, and shred it to piece while explaining why Henry isn't really a hero in this instance. So! Let's go over certain lines. Maybe compliment some of my favorite ones so this isn't just hating and recognizing he isn't the absolute worst.

"And to you, my brave volunteer."

Idk about you, but it doesn't exactly seem to me like Michael knew what he was volunteering for.

"Who somehow found this job listing not intended for you."

If it was anyone else, they probably would've died. The only other person by this point who was known to be able to survive the animatronics was Jeremy and I doubt that even if he was still around, he would be able to fend them off due to brain injury. Also, not so much a complaint, but did Henry have someone else in mind or just threw the job listing into the void?

"Although, there was a way out planned for you, I have a feeling that's not what you want. I have a feeling that you are right where you want to be."

Why not ask. Or at least tell him what the way out is instead of just assuming he hasn't found anything to live for and effectively murdering him?

"I am remaining as well. I am nearby."

Yep. Just make sure everyone who knows what's going on dies even though it's not like William hasn't escaped a fire before. Very responsible of you.

"This place will not be remembered. And the memory of everything that started this. Can finally begin to fade away. As the agony of every tragedy should."

I'm a firm believer in when history is forgotten it repeats itself, so quite frankly wanting people to forget seems a bit stupid. I agree that they shouldn't be trapped in the agony of it, but "this place will not be remembered" seems wrong.

"Although, for one of you. The darkest pit of Hell has opened to swallow you whole. So, don't keep the Devil waiting, old friend."

I can complain about Henry all day, but William is objectively far worse, and this line is absolute fire. Pun intended.

"My daughter, if you can hear me. I knew you would return as well."

Might be due to that animatronic you made to capture her and deliver constant controlled shocks and also somehow ended up in a magazine? Idk though. Just a theory.

"I'm sorry that on that day. The day you were shut out and left to die. No one was there to lift you up in their arms. The way you lifted others into yours."

But why. I get that being a parent can be hard and you can't have an eye on your kid 24/7, but he should've at least made there was a responsible adult present.

"Not my daughter. I couldn't save you then, so let me save you now."

Yippee. Negligent dad who can only making up for leaving his child without a responsible adult which led to her early death by using Lefty so that she can finally move on. Yayyyy /extreme sarcasm ofc

“Congratulations on completing your work week. We apologize if your situation wasn't presented to you In a completely honest fashion when you first started, but it was important that your intentions and actions be genuine.”

I cannot emphasize enough that Michael was not told what was going to happen and given the last sentence it seems like he didn't even feel the need to be suspicious of what was going on.

“Please accept this Certificate of Completion. Goodbye for now, and thank you for taking this journey with us.”

More of theorizing but it's kind of weird that this whole monologue was recorded and delivered if Michael is supposed to be actually dead. I know it's for the player, but I feel like they could easily spin this and bring Michael back.

Tune in next time where I cover the other endings, possibly rant about how everything in FNaF is awful for everyone, and miscellaneous if there's any!

@uvanuva

[sadquickchristmassnowman]

hi! what do you think are the best/most tolerable episodes in season 4 of community? it’s widely regarded as the worst season and I never know which episodes to watch each time I go through a community rewatch binge lol. so, I figured I would consult the encyclopedia! (this is my first time using the ask feature so I apologize if I am not using it correctly)

heyo! this is a great question. I actually have an abbreviated season 4 watchlist that cuts out the worst episodes (in my opinion), while staying comprehensible and making sure you're still able to follow the season's overarching plots:

4x01: history 101

4x03: conventions of space and time*

4x05: cooperative escapism in familial relations*

4x06: advanced documentary filmmaking

4x08: herstory of dance

4x11: basic human anatomy*

4x12: heroic origins*

4x13: advanced introduction to finality

the episodes with asterisks* are the ones I actually really enjoy watching. the others on the list are pretty mid, but are, in my opinion, important enough to the overarching plot and character development to be worth watching. when I'm showing other people season 4 for the first time, I adhere to this watchlist lol.

I’m going to do some (hopefully quick) explanations of how I came up with this list, but you don't have to read it if you don't want to lol:

✅ history 101: it's the first episode of the season, so it really does set the tone and establish some important details (jeff wants to graduate early, troy and britta are dating, this is their last year at greendale, etc.) as with most of season 4, the weirdness seems really contrived and unnatural, but it does have its moments of being genuinely funny. it's also a pretty abed-centric episode, which is always a bonus lol

❌ paranormal parentage: I don’t hate this episode, but it's just kind of boring and doesn't really add anything to the season. I love megan ganz but... yeah. a lot of the jokes seem forced, and there's way too much pierce for my liking. there are a couple good one liners ("you should probably tell your boyfriend's boyfriend" "I remember when this show was about community college") and it does help set up jeff finally contacting his dad, but imo it doesn't quite make the episode worth watching

✅ conventions of space and time: I’ve heard that some people hate this episode? couldn't be me. way too much trobed for me to hate it lmao. there is a lot of jeffannie in it too, but that resolves with the conclusion that annie is just a romantic who loves to fantasize, and doesn't actually have real feelings for jeff. it actually fuels my lesbiannie agenda tbh, because she is evidently just in love with the idea of a man but doesn't actually put that into practice. but that's another post lmao. we have some great one-liners, we have britta helping troy through his jealousy, we have "troy will find me :)" we have some more inspector spacetime lore, etc etc. I love this episode and rewatch it frequently.

❌ alternative history of the german invasion: for me, this episode has almost zero redeeming qualities. the jokes are lame, I hate professor cornwallis, there is so much discontinuity, it has zero importance in the bigger picture of the season and the show, it's out of character, etc. the one thing I like is the end tag.

✅ cooperative escapism in familial relations: this is a big one for me. I never see people talking about it, but to me this episode is one of season 4's saviors. we have HUGE jeff development, jeffbritta moments, some much needed shirley screentime and development, some great jokes ("-to eat garbage dip WHY DID I HAVE TO GO THIRD), classic trobedison shenanigans, and the shawshank redemption homage is very funny to me. plus! adam devine cameo! I like this episode more every time I watch it. unsung hero fr.

✅ advanced documentary filmmaking: okay so I won’t lie, I fucking HATE the changnesia arc. I think it is so incredibly stupid and uncreative. there are a million different and better ways they could have brought him back. but, this episode is just too important in the season's development to skip. and, honestly, if I ignore the whole premise, there are a lot of funny bits and jokes in this one. troy constantly smiling at the camera (read: smiling at abed), troy and annie being the silliest ever, jeff's trust issues, and ken jeong is truly very funny, I just hate this arc so much. but ultimately it's too important to cut. imo.

❌ economics of marine biology: I basically feel the same about this one as I do about alternative history of the german invasion. it's boring, the premise is stupid, it's out of character, it's unfunny, the guest character is lame, and it's pointless to the overall plot. abed and the delta cubes is a little bit funny? and I guess you could argue that the jeff and pierce development is important? but I’d refute that very quickly. it's pierce, who cares. not. worth. it.

✅ herstory of dance: this episode is honestly the upper end of mid, but it has enough good jokes and development to make it worth it. it is also Very abed-centric, which we've established is always a plus imo, and his whole bit with going on two dates at once is very in character. he also meets rachel, who comes back in season 5, so that's important. it also has some great jeff & britta development!!! which is sort of few and far between in the later seasons!!! yippee!!!

❌ intro to felt surrogacy: tied for my least favorite community episode of all time. it's clear they tried to do something similar to what they did with abed's uncontrollable christmas, but it is so incredibly contrived that it is physically painful to watch. I hate the puppets. the hot air balloon story is so stupid and out of character. the songs are bad. how dare they sully the legacy of my third favorite episode (lmao). the only redeeming qualities are troy as a whole (all of his lines are good, and that moment when he pretends his puppet is falling asleep is very funny), and the fact that pierce is not physically in it. but those do not make up for how horrific the rest of it is. in my opinion. haha.

❌ intro to knots: once again! Tied For My Least Favorite Community Episode! they're right next to each other, how convenient. and again: bad jokes, bad premise, I fucking hate professor cornwallis, the changnesia shit is back, the plot is ALL over the place, there is little to no actual character development, the dialogue just goes in circles, and it ends with a random litter of kittens that are never mentioned again??? I guess the only mildly important thing is the end tag with the evil study group, which comes back during the season finale. but yeah. not worth it. disgusting.

✅ basic human anatomy: and here we have a HUGE jump from the last one. this is my favorite season 4 episode, and is probably in my top 15 from the entire show. I could talk about this episode for hours. the troy development alone is so so so good and important. add abed into the mix and Oh Boy!!! britta is great in this one, jeff and the dean's whole thing is so fucking funny, shirley and annie competing against leonard for valedictorian on a technicality is very in character and silly, danny and donald's acting in this one is commendable, etc etc etc. there really isn't much, if anything, I dislike about this episode. jim rash being the credited writer makes me love him even more. legendary. outstanding.

✅ heroic origins: I actually really like this episode. it does still have that sort of unnatural and off-putting vibe that the majority of season 4 has, but I think it holds up. it's in character, it has some great jokes and one-liners, and although it does have its moments of discontinuity, it does a surprisingly good job of staying compliant with what has already been established. certainly much better than alternative history of the german invasion. abed's whole bit with the star wars prequels makes me laugh, the annie's boobs lore, footage of annie and troy in high school (surprisingly well done if you ignore the discontinuity of troy's injury), etc. it's also massively important for the overarching season plot, and we finally get to the conclusion of the stupid changnesia arc. I could go on and on, there's just a ton of really cool callbacks (including one to the pilot, which I only noticed a few months ago and am obsessed with), and I just. wasn't expecting this one to work out as well as it did. pleasantly surprised, all in all.

✅ advanced introduction to finality: this one is not great tbh, but it's too important plot-wise to skip. and, I mean, it does have some good moments. abed immediately recognizing evil jeff, the whole thing being in jeff's head a la remedial chaos all being in abed's head (insert something about how this being yet another demonstration of how fundamentally jeff and abed understand each other, which I could expand way more on but won't in this particular post), season 2 of the cape, "one of us is out of bullets" "is it you" "...yeah" "why would you tell me that," and more. overall, yeah, worth watching imo.

I do also want to say that I think season 4 is a bit overhated. I do agree that it is the worst season, I think most of us can agree that that is an objective truth, but it does have its moments and I do get slightly frustrated when people write the entire season off.

I’m also happy to hear anyone else's opinions on what you think is/isn't worth watching in season 4, especially if you really strongly disagree with me. I’m curious to what your reasoning is lmao.

okay! this is definitely way more elaboration than you needed, but I hope this was helpful 💯💯💯

[avoidantrecovery]

many many moons ago, when i was still in school, a boy confessed to me. or maybe he confessed to me, the thing is i don't think i'll ever know.

this avoidant thing is a real bitch, and quite frankly i don't know how others do it. when i wake up, feeling a bit less crazy than usual, i just have to remember this event and yeah, no normal person does this, but also idk.

we were on a school trip and i was smitten, okay? the kind of crush you can only have when you're seventeen. but at the same time, remember i am already in depth of my avoidance. in the depths of not talking about myself or connecting with others genuinely. i don't talk about this crush, he is a secret i harbour in the deepest depths of my consciousness, you couldn't have tortured his name out of me at that point. i couldn't even admit this crush to myself, even my diary is devoid of any mention of him. but when i saw him in school, my head would turn towards him like a freaking sunflower towards the sun, whilst hoping i was not too obvious about it all. did i mention that i sat next to him at the time, we shared a double desk lol.

so, fall turned into winter and nothing much changed. despite sharing a desk, we were not close and only exchanged a few polite words every day. every now and then he'd rope me into small conversations, but i was convinced he was just polite or perhaps it was just some ploy to get me to get my guard down/humiliate myself. (this was the peer-abuse trauma still reverberating). in fact i would try to observe if he was talking to others this way, too. and though i never saw him do it, i just shrugged it off. i may have had a crush on him, but there was no way it could happen the other way around.

winter turned into early spring and our school trip finally came. it was a week-long school exchange to a neighbouring country. half way through the week, we went to the morning assembly of our partner school with our exchange partners and all we had to do is sit around since we didn't speak their language. anyway, suddenly, this boy was on the stage with his partner and locked eyes with me and said something in their language. i just sat there looking kind of out of place and then the moment passed. i never understood what he actually said or whether he said it to me or just my general direction. my exchange partner, a really sweet girl, tapped me on my shoulders and was like, "i think..., i think he just said he likes you". and the only way i can explain what happened next, because i was shaken to the core and scared, is that trauma brain kicked in, because i just said "oh no, i don't think so" and that was that. regardless of whether that was a weird way to confess or not, in front of everyone, or i misunderstood the situation, that moment felt like death to me, that i narrowly managed to escape. also, strangely enough he never brought it up again either.

it's only recently i have been able to put together what i think happened (at least on my end). i've mentioned a couple of times how, much earlier than that, when i was a new kid in sixth grade, my classmates nearly drowned me. well, what i didn't mention is how it happened, it involved a lot of gaslighting me into believing they were my friends, a lot of lying and pretending essentially. and the day it happened, i had already decided that these classmates of mine were bad and that i would be very careful around them. ironically enough it was also a school trip, a daytrip to a pool. anyway, they spent the whole day trying to get back into my good graces, because i was fine playing on my own and just doing my own thing, ignoring them, i was grayrocking them pretty much.

but then this little hopeful voice in me kind of came up and said, but what if..., what if they actually finally want to be your friend? that voice was good and brave and hopeful and essentially it's that voice that we all have, that pushes us over the edge when we need that extra push to be brave, you know? and it told me how nice it would be to have friends to play with and not be alone. it told me to put my doubts aside and just try. i told them i wasn't a strong swimmer, and they insisted that that was no issue and they'd take me to the deep end with them no issue. and so i went with them. and just when i took that leap of faith, they left me alone for dead, nearly drowning me. it nearly cost me my life. and i think from that day onwards, that voice has been quiet. the one that makes us take a leap, you know?

and so i think when my crush locked eyes with me and said whatever it is he said, i was essentially (without being aware of it in the moment obv.) in the same situation, the kind that needs you to be vulnerable, have hope, be brave and take that leap of faith. and instead i felt like i was dying (drowning?) and just wanted to get out of the situation as fast as i could, like that kind of situation that needs you to be brave is also a trauma trigger. and i was convinced that it was just some ploy to trick me or humiliate me or maybe he lost a bet or sth, and i was not a dummy, i wasn't going to fall for that.

another moment that i remember from that trip is the whole class being invited to this youth center type place to hang out in the evening. since we were all scattered across the little town, his exchange partner who happened to live close to mine, offered to drive us but when they came to pick us up, he asked whether i wanted to watch a movie at his exchange partners house instead. i remember saying, we can't just watch a movie together, the others will wonder where we are. i didn't say no lol. but we ended up going to the youth center place. but the thing is, he never asked me watch movies when we were back home, why there? and again, he never brought it up again.

anyway, this is a story that has just been knocking about in my head recently when dealing with limerence and trauma and all this. i guess i'm writing it in an effort to "talk about me" from the quote i linked above. and since i don't have anyone i could possibly tell this story irl, typing it out will do for now. i'm kind of hoping this will purge it out of my system hopefully.

fun fact, because of the kind of job he does now, i had the pleasure of being jumpedscared by him on a billboard near my place. i also looked him up recently in the hopes of finding some anti-limerence information, so my digust (or disinterest) would finally help me put this chapter to rest. i went in thinking i will find some information that will just make me think ewwwww, but instead i folded as soon as i opened his insta. i folded like the weak bitch that i am, what can i say, he still has great arms. 🤷🏾‍♀️

if you've read this far, i am so sorry 😭😭

[msunitedstatesjames]

As someone who legitimately enjoys House of the Dragon, this show has some real issues with side characters. Specifically, the timing and scene quality of side characters.

I feel like I have to point out that I have read Fire and Blood, as well as all the published A Song of Ice and Fire books, but I read them all years ago and don't remember a lot of the specifics.

I'm also going to be comparing HotD to Game of Thrones in here, even though I realize this show and that one are very different beasts.

One of the great things about early Game of Thrones was its characters. Almost every character was given a unique personality, story, and enough time to thrive. Even the side characters were given this more often than not. And frequently, even characters with incredibly small parts, who might show up in just a few episodes, were memorable.

In total, Game of Thrones had 73 episodes. Hot Pie was only in 12 episodes. Shireen Baratheon was only in 10. Lyanna Mormont was in 9. The Blackfish was in 7. Robert Baratheon was in 7. Mance Rayder was in 5. Hell, Maggy the Frog was in 1 episode and I still remember her. You probably remember most or all of these characters by name and face if you watched GoT, as well as knowing some of their traits, motivations, and possibly deaths. But I'm struggling with the sheer number of side characters being introduced and rushed past our faces with very little fanfare in House of the Dragon.

I thought this was highlighted quite clearly in episode 6 with Ser Darklyn. He's been in 9 episodes, which is more than Robert Baratheon and, perhaps a fairer comparison, the same amount as Lyanna Mormont. His attempt to become a dragon rider and his subsequent death could have been a genuinely impactful scene. I really wasn't sure going into the scene if he would be successful or not. I've read the book, so I knew some of the off-shoot Targaryens did eventually succeed, but I didn't remember specifically if he was one of them. They had five episodes before this (not even counting season 1) to try to make him a memorable character whose death had some impact, and they just didn't really try. I knew this guy had been in other scenes, but his character was so bland that I couldn't have told you anything specific about him. The only reason I remembered he was in the Queensguard was because of the armor and cloak. Even when I looked him up on the wiki most of the description was just like, "he escorted Rhaenyra." I feel like Game of Thrones would have really taken the time to make this dude likeable before they had him burned alive. And it's not like they didn't have the time. Daemon's been fumbling around Harrenhal for like 5 episodes, doing very little. He even had Alys tell him in this episode to just wait 3 days for something to happen. I know he's kind of become the flagship character of this show, and I like the little cameos we're getting, but I feel like I've seen the same 3 scenes happening over and over there: Daemon is awoken from a weird dream by Ser Simon, Daemon talks to Alys, Daemon saunters around trying to threaten people. I get it. But what I don't get is why I'm supposed to care about all these randos who have been given 5 minutes of time total in the last 5 episodes.

There's Alyn, a sailor who apparently saved Corlys off screen and who has a seemingly ambitious brother. That's all we know about him for the first 4ish episodes until we find out he's Corlys's bastard. Now we also know he doesn't want others to think he's getting special treatment for being Corlys's son, but that's about it, and he's already been in 5 episodes I think.

There's Hugh, the obviously Targaryen blacksmith with the sick daughter and long suffering wife. Honestly I wouldn't remember his name if not for subtitles. I think he's been in four episodes so far.

There's Ulf, whose name I had to Google. He's another bastard Targaryen allegedly, and he seems to be a typical struggling peasant of King's Landing. That's honestly all I can remember about him. I think he’s been in 3 episodes.

I could have told you Hot Pie's name after 3 episodes. Or Shireen's. Or Lyanna's.

I understand that all of these characters will have narrative importance eventually, but the writing is just not doing a good job of making you really care. Look at Lyanna Mormont, we loved her from her very first scene.

I feel like the writers are really relying on the audience having read Fire and Blood, and either being superfans or having read it so recently that they remember minor characters who might have gotten a few pages of mentions in the sprawling narrative of that book. And this just isn't realistic for a show with a fanbase of this size.

Again, I really do enjoy this show. I think compared to other fantasy shows it is overall of good quality. It's just a shame that the writers weren't able to fill in some of the blanks left by the "historical" slant of Fire and Blood.

[drowninginblox]

Torched

Part 1

Fit was accustomed to the heat, he's a Floridian after all. 2B2T's wasteland was scorching on its worst days but over time Fit was accustomed to it. The closest thing he's experienced to it was the blistering heat of Purgatory. Now, that was a bitch and a half. But not in the way that waking up in this cavern was. Granted it wasn't blazing but it was an underlying irritation. One that made Fit uncomfortable as soon as he woke up to a glaze of sweat that made his filthy clothes stick to him. It didn't help that the scratchiness of his throat aided in the irritation, an awful reminder that he needed water. Soon.

"Rose, are you there?" He asked to the cavern but he was met with nothing. If he didn't take his hearing aids out before he slept in that suspicious as fuck chair, like a dumbass, he would've been met with the infectious sound of flies and the scratches of spiders that linger close by. He sighed before taking out another piece of bread. The thought of eating it passed his mind but considering the uncertainty of his surroundings and the lack of hunger, it would be smarter to save this lifeline for later. A groan bubbled in the back of his throat but he swallowed it alongside what saliva remained. He was alone once again. From his spot, he shifted as he calibrated his thoughts to this situation. As shitty as this is, it could be a lot worse. He takes a moment to look at the sky, as inky dark as he remembered it to be. At least Pac isn't here.

"Who is Pac?"

Fit jumped slightly at the sudden company inside his mind. This wasn't the last person, right Rose. This one was too different. Jesus! You can't sneak up on a guy like that! He shouted into the caveats of his mind. "You deflected warrior." The voice cackled in amusement. Fit narrowed his brows. How many people were going to invade his mind while he was on this weird sabbatical from fatherhood? "Are you going to answer or will you continue to squabble on the ground like a cornered magmacube?" The voice questioned. It sounded like a tuant by there was a sick form of genuineness that came with her tone. Almost as if they haven't talked to a person in a long time.

Who are you? A warm hum accompanied the question while Fit brushed his palms against his pants. This could be a delusion, the heat could be getting to him. "I go by many names. Most of which are unknown to you. So for your sake, you can call me Emperess." Fit could hear her circle him as she spoke. Part of him was hoping that it was just a sign of her being physically present. But he couldn't help but wonder if her actions were calculated. She sounded like someone that shouldn't be fucked with. Decisive, wise, knowing at least from Fit's read. "I have seen many of your kind before FitMC, although your reputation is one I can't scoff at."

Did Rose tell you about me? A moment of silence followed but for some reason, Fit could sense a smile. The ghost of one lingered in her tone. "Not everything. But I know quite a few things about the people that interest me. And you, FitMC, you interest me." A strained groan of desperation broke through the silence. The American's gaze meets the sky. "If you're here to make a deal with me then you better be offering more than just food, lady." She chuckles. "No FitMc, I offer more than the simple delights of food. Although, you will be of need of it if you take my deal." His head swings in the direction of the voice. "It better be pretty good then. I may be desperate but I have standards."

"Well then, if you are truly interested in my deal, would you mind standing for me? I am an empress after all. It is very disrespectful for you to remain on the floor as we're conversing." Fit bit his tongue. Couldn't she see that his leg is fucked up? He can barely twitch the damn- wait a minute.

Slowly, he extended his leg. Not an ounce of pain laced his movement, somewhat shocking the wanderer when he dared to follow through on the request. Fit stood without strain or struggle. "Did you...?" A scoff stopped the rest of the question. "No. The child aided you in your recovery. However, she requested I come to assist you. The strain of protecting her champion is... pushing her. So I am here." A hum of understanding breaks through Fit's thoughts. The implications of who his "old friend" seeped into him, but the Floridian wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth. Especially when he thought he might need another... replacement if the worst thoughts were right about that fall.

"This is... I'm sorry but this is crazy." He mumbled as he extended and bent his knee. He was trying not to be too shocked. He knew Phil was worldly but he was thinking more in the well-traveled sense, not... the goldy type. "Trust me FitMc, this is only the outside. You are blind to a world unlike anything else you know." He coughed out a dry laugh. "I can only imagine," He could hear the smirk "Indeed." He sighed. "Okay, so what do you want. And who are you specifically? Nothing against you, but Phil hasn't told me a lot about his 'protectors' I thought he only had one but-"

"I am not acquainted with the warrior Philza, I am very acquainted with Rose though. For your sake FitMC, I request you keep your nose out of other god's businesses unless they make themselves known to you first. As I said, there is a world you aren't privy to. One that you shouldn't step unless you inclined after your current suffering is over." Fit looked up once again. The sun was seeping through the lips of the cavern, forcing the survivor into a spotlight he didn't want. "But I can help aid in making the load you carry easier."

Fit's throat ran drier. He didn't think that was possible. He looked around once again, thankful that he could finally get up. Talk to me. He mumbled to the caverns of his mind while approaching the various corpses. "I am willing to give you strength, warrior. So long as you give me patronage accordingly." Cautiously inspected the bodies while the voice rambled. What would that entail exactly? Rummaging through vest pockets led to him finding a semi-rusted flint and steel. "That depends on you FitMC. Personally, I prefer a kill in my honor." Fit scoffed under his breath just as he found a moldy bowl hiding under an askew hat. "However, animal blood or food to the flame is fine if it goes against your moral code. You mortals are complicated. I understand that." He didn't know wether or not he should be disturbed or relieved at that. A year ago Fit would have accepted the dedication thing no problem. I really have gotten rusty...

"Pardon?" Plenty of name tags of the people left to rot found their way into Fit's hands. Their identical faces should have left him unbothered but with the reveal of two journals, Fit could only imagine the devastation that occurred before they all met their fates. I'm not the warrior I was lady, I've changed. There was something so strange, a fact that made Fit's stomach curdle. These bodies were all in various stages of decomposition. These guys didn't die immediately, and probably not together. He could feel the acid on his tongue but swallowed it down. He can't desecrate a mass grave.

"That is true. You have grown to care for others. Much as you have let others care for you." A slip through the books reveals that most of the pages are torn out, but there are a few lingering thoughts from these long-lost souls. Whether it be fear or disgust, he pocketed them. What little they may be worth, anything is better than nothing in a land like this. "I'm guessing that this 'Pac' was one of those people, am I correct." Fit grits his teeth. He's my roommate. You touch him you're- "He will be under my protection then." Fit takes out the flint and steel and turns. Still nothing. Only him and these corpses. "The fuck you mean?"

"I mean as I say. I will ensure the flames are brighter so the monsters stray. I will make sure all under my dominion retract from them. Regardless of their dispositions. I will make sure that the determination of the neither keeps them company in your absence." Fit blinks. "I will do this, and so much more. If you are my champion."

[tooxmanyxships]

A Brocedes fic/ficlet where it’s Nico who had amnesia, but instead of forgetting the last few yrs, he forgot Lewis altogether. Others thought it’s just him getting tired of being constantly ignored, but when asked how his relationship with LH was, he’s genuinely confused and asked, ‘who’s that?’

P.S U can make Nico have a happy ever after with another, JB perhaps? 👀

P.P.S Just want to see what LH’s reaction would be when it’s his turn to be denied, forgotten even, but this time it’s permanent (or semi-permanent) choice is yours. 🤗

I hope you're ready for this pain

It had been a couple of months since Nico had come out of the hospital, mostly recovered.

They said he's been in a coma for a week in there , but of course he doesn't know that.

He can't really remember how he got into the hospital, only that there was some kind of accident with his car.

He does remember waking up to Jenson Button sitting next to his bed, holding his hand.

At first he was still quite out of it. Didn't know why Jenson was holding his hand.

At least he still knew his name and who he was, or it would have been even more awkward.

Jenson, of course, had panicked quite a bit when Nico had flinched away when he tried to cup his cheek.

The doctor had assured him that temporary amnesia was normal for people who've been in a coma. They still took him away to run some tests.

Turned out that Nico had gaps in his mind of things he couldn't remember. Things that were gone out of his memories. Would those memories ever come back? No one really knew.

However, the way Jenson cared about him and did everything he could for him would make Nico fall in love with him all over again.

But he did, eventually, remember his relationship with Jenson and they were happily together once more.

Miraculously they'd been able to keep their private life out of the media since Nico's accident, but now Sky sports was asking for an interview with their former reporter.

Nico had quit his job. Or rather a temporary leave. He wasn't sure if he was ever really going to go back though.

Jenson was still working for Sky and had told his employer that the only way they were getting this interview was if he could be there as well.

He just wanted to be there if Nico needed some help with his memory. He didn't tell Sky that though.

Nico said yes to the interview, if only because he knew he wasn't going to get out of it. And having Jenson there was a big plus.

The interview had been going pretty well, Jenson didn't have to help with the answers all that much at all, but then this weird question came - - -

"Has Lewis been in contact with you after the accident?"

"Who's that?"

There was complete silence. Even Jenson seemed to be rather shellshocked.

Nico just looked confused.

The reporter seemed to think Nico was playing a trick on him or something, because he repeated his question.

"Lewis Hamilton. Has he send you any messages?"

Nico frowned, glancing over at Jenson. "I don't - - -"

"No," Jenson jumped in, "He hasn't sent anything."

Jenson made sure that, on his face, it came across that the conversation about this subject was over.

The interviewer cleared his throat rather awkwardly and gave him some other questions once again.

Once the interview was done and the reporter was gone, Nico turned to Jenson.

"Who's this guy he asked me about?"

Jenson tenses, but manages to keep his voice neutral while answering.

"No one to be worried about."

Nico wants to ask further, but, something in Jenson's eyes tells him not to do it.

He forgets all about that name and the interview all together when he's lying in bed with his boyfriend that night.

Sometimes his partial memory loss is a good thing.

Especially for Jenson this time.

~~~~~~~~~~**********~~~~~~~~~~~

Lewis gets the link to the interview with Nico from so many people, with weird cryptic messages too, so he finally gives in and watch it.

He's retired now, so, he's got the time. That's when he's not playing on the piano and writing songs.

The interview is pretty bland, Lewis thinks, until the hears the interviewer ask Nico about him and he's suddenly all ears.

"Who is that?"

What does he mean? Who is that?!

Is he playing some sick mind game again?!

He hears the reporter repeat the question, Nico looking still completely confused, then Lewis hears and sees Jenson butt in to answer.

Something just doesn't seem right.....

He replays that scene again. And again. Againagainagainagainagain......

He finally closes the interview and grabs his phone.

He debates on texting Nico, but he ends up on some old conversation between him and Jenson and texts him instead.

- LH: Why did Nico ask who I was in that interview? -

- JB: He doesn't remember you. -

- LH: That's not funny, man -

- JB: That's because it's not a joke. Nico has some gaps in his memory since he got out of the coma. You're one of those gaps. -

Lewis just stares at his screen, gripping onto his phone way too tightly.

'You're one of those gaps'.

Fuck.

He's heard of people who completely recover their memories after some time. He's heard about people who haven't.

What if Nico doesn't fully recover his memories?

What if he'll never remember him?

Not even the good times.....

What if they, Nico and Lewis, become nothing but just another blip in time.

That thought alone makes Lewis feel cold and hollow.

~~~~~~~~~~~*************~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Months after the interview, in which Jenson had to do lots of damage control, but people knew now that Nico had suffered from head trauma and sometimes couldn't remember things immediately.

It was a very weakened version of the truth, but it would just have to do.

But anyway... Months after that, it was that time for the F1 race in Monaco and Nico wanted to go and watch it. The first race he would watch live in a very, very long time.

Jenson would be there for Sky, so he wouldn't be alone.

It would be the first time since the accident that he's shown his face on any paddock, but he was sure he wanted to do it, despite Jenson's concerns.

He worried way too much, according to Nico. Everything would be completely fine.

And everything did go fine. Until it became a little too overwhelming.

So many people who wanted to talk to him. Jenson constantly hovering around him. That part was probably the first.

He finally excused himself to go and have a walk around the paddock. Alone.

Mark and DC had pulled Jenson into work business anyway, so that was his chance to get away from his watchful eye.

He was strolling along, looking around, waving to some people who greeted him, when he suddenly bumped into someone.

"I'm sorry, I----" The look on the man's face he just bumped into made him stop halfway his excuse. "Everything alright?"

As fast as it had appeared, the look on the man's face changed into something more neutral just as quick.

"Y- yeah," was that a small stutter? "Sorry. I didn't watch where I was going."

"Neither was I."

Both men were staring at each other, both with different expressions.

One was confused and curious. The other nervous and something else... Something Nico couldn't explain.

"So uh," the stranger started, "I should probably - - - “

"Do I know you?" Nico cut him off. "I know this might sound strange, but.... I feel like I.... Should know you."

And there it was. That look again. But now it was tainted with something else too.

Sadness. Pain. Longing.

"You did used to know me."

Nico feels the man's hand tentatively touch his arm and his eyes widen at the pulse he feels. The thrill that goes through his body, just by such a simple touch.

He was about to open his mouth and say something. Anything.

But then---

"Nico! There you are!"

Nico had never cursed Jenson's voice and presence as much as he did right now.

Then he realized that the hand on his arm was gone. So was the man who the hand belonged to.

He felt something against his leg and looked down to see a folded piece of paper falling down onto his foot. Maybe the man had dropped something.

He bend down and picked it up, shoving it in his pocket right before Jenson reached him.

"I was looking for you. Are you alright? "

Nico rolled his eyes but smiled, "Couldn't be better."

Jenson regarded him with a searching look, satisfied with what he saw, he drew Nico in against him with an arm around his waist.

There was no thrill through his body this time. Not even a little spark.

But it felt nice. Comfortable.

"Come on. Let's go watch this race."

~~~~~~~~~~**********~~~~~~~~~~~~

Late that night, Nico wakes up to go to the bathroom. When walking back to the bedroom, he feels himself being drawn to where his jacket was hanging on a chair.

His hand dipped into the pocket of said jacket and pulled out the folded paper. His hands twitching to open it. To reveal its content.

As soon as he opened it, a quiet gasp left his lips. His hands started shaking.

In his hands was a picture. A picture of a younger him, in a karting car.

But, his eyes were drawn to the other person in the picture.

It was that man from the paddock. The younger him.

They were both smiling.

Nico wiped at his eyes when his vision blurred a little.

He'd started crying without even realizing.

But what was even weirder was that when he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, he was smiling through the tears.

No matter who this man was or what their relationship had been.....

One thing was clear....

They'd probably shared some of the best days of their lives together.

Even if he might never remember.

[thatlittledandere]

Yosuke wakes up next to his boyfriend and is, to his great surprise, reminded he got incredibly lucky.

705 words. Full text under the cut for those who don't have an ao3 account; my fics are still all locked.

"How did I get so lucky?"

That was the first coherent thought in Yosuke's mind after opening his eyes and remembering he had been sleeping next to Yu. Next to his boyfriend. 

It was still a little strange — that he was dating someone, first of all, and that it was a boy , and Yosuke was in it out of his own free will — but that boy was Yu, so he couldn't have been happier. Lady Luck had never been one to visit Yosuke often. Maybe he had good karma stored up.

Yu was handsome even in his sleep. Maybe especially in his sleep; for once he wasn't putting on a front of any kind. It was a beautiful sight, seeing him as the teenager he was. Awake, Yosuke could never quite shake the thought that Yu should have been a little older than he was. He was so much more mature. That maturity came with a toll though, one that Yu never voluntarily shared with anyone, and that Yosuke always wished to alleviate with little success. 

But in his sleep even Yu looked like his equal. Yosuke would take what he could get. 

A strand of Yu’s shiny gray hair had made it past his nose, and was comfortably resting on his eyelashes. Yosuke was tempted to move it away, to feel how it felt in its natural state- and maybe, accidentally , brush those lips.

He shouldn’t, though. Yu had more than earned his rest. Besides, seeing Yu Narukami not on top of the world was a rare privilege. One Yosuke may not have been worthy of, but one he was nevertheless not willing to let go. Yu had gifted it to him, and he would treasure that sliver of trust with all he had.

Yosuke’s conundrum soon solved itself. Yu’s breathing made the strand move, and he sneezed himself awake. Yosuke couldn't stop a soft chuckle from escaping. Who would have thought his partner could be so cute?

Yu blinked at him groggily before smiling softly. "Morning. What are you smiling at?"

"Mm. Just you." Yosuke reached for the strand of hair. "I'm just thinking about how lucky I got."

Yu closed his eyes again, enjoying the touch. "Lucky?"

Yosuke hummed. "You're just so cool. You're good-looking, you're smart, you're mature, you're popular." He tried to keep his self-depreciation at bay lately, knowing Yu didn't like it, but couldn't win every time. "You're so out of my league. It's weird."

Yu met his eyes, a mix between genuine and light-hearted that only he was capable of. "I feel like we've been over this before."

Yosuke chuckled. He could recall, yes. "I know you don't see it that way. But that makes it even better, right? You know me, and you still chose me. You could have anyone you wanted, and somehow it's me. You can't tell me that's not some great luck."

Yosuke hadn't stopped twirling Yu’s hair between his fingers, and Yu hadn't stopped holding his gaze. Yosuke had his full attention —  for once, he hated himself for thinking —  but Yu was exercising some of his famous willpower trying to keep his focus on Yosuke's words, and not let himself fall back to sleep under his touch. Again, cute. Yosuke had been surprised to find out how much Yu enjoyed being touched. How much he could need it.

"I won't tell you that, then," he conceded, "if we can agree that I got lucky, too." He gave in and nuzzled closer, inviting Yosuke to stroke his face and not just his hair. Yosuke was happy to oblige.

"You just like me because I'm handsy," he teased.

"Hmm. You do seem to be great with your hands."

"Asshole."

Yu did have a point though. Not the hands thing- the other thing. They both benefited from this. As much as something ugly in Yosuke still yelled that he wasn't worth it, he didn't deserve to have Yu in a way nobody else did, and as much as Yu put up with things he didn't like for the people he did… Yosuke believed in his partner. He chose to believe in Yu’s honesty. 

And he chose to believe that, for once, he had gotten incredibly lucky. 

[echowithpain]

Buckle Up, Bitches. This is a long one.

Okay, I've definitely had some gripes with episode 2 and the fact that it took me this long to rewatch the episode to collect my thoughts says something. I even stopped the episode halfway through and got distracted with something else for about 3 hours before remembering what I was doing and resuming it.

...

I didn't like this episode. Unfortunately the bad outweighed the good for me.

First up, Lola, Norman, and Julien.

Why the FUCK did they do a storyline where Lola cheats on Norman?? Their whole introductions/characters in season 2 were about how Norman didn't see her after they had a kid so she went out of her way to force him to look at her by flashing the freeway. Go off Queen.

She gets arrested but she and Norman are super happy and making out, and they even admitted that the situation saved their marriage when Josh and Sue gathered people Maddie helped to convince her not to quit. The cheating storyline is so out of character for Lola that when I saw episode 1 and she was acting weird around Julien, I thought she knew he was a bad guy but he had threatened her off screen or something and she didn't want to worry Norman, not that they were seeing each other???

I thought Julien had just mistaken them for smugglers since they were living on the cruise ship, Lola found out and confronted him, and he threatened her to keep quiet about the operation but didn't get to call off the guys he was working with in time so Lola and Norman ended up getting jumped.

When Norman found out Lola was cheating on him after getting shot and was groaning in pain, all he could do was go into denial and talk about how Lola cheating couldn't be true. Then when he was lying on the poker table talking about the life he and Lola had, 37 years, selling all their stuff with handmade price tags, it made me feel both genuinely sad and angry. Not angry at Lola, angry at the writers for making this storyline for them. If people who have never seen the show go back to watch all the seasons and get to Lola and Norman's episode, they're gonna have it in their mind that their love is a lie and apparently Norman doesn't love Lola enough to keep her satisfied which is why she's cheats on him later. They're gonna see it as Lola being a horrible person this whole time, someone who likes to sleep around, or even just chalk it up to "Women ☕" and that pisses me off! That's not their characters and the fact the writers were portraying them in that light is horrible.

*sigh*

Then we have the whole Hen storyline, and oh boy do I have words about that.

Episode 1 did an amazing job reintroducing the characters to new people (except for Athena, I don't care about Marisol). In fact, if not for the Athena thing, I'll make a post about that later, it would've been a solid 10/10 (9/10 cause Karen wasn't in it lol).

Hen was shown to be a great captain when under intense pressure, going with her gut about which wire the pilot said to cut and even double checking, being a teasing but helpful friend to Chim about the forever dating thing, being kind and knowledgeable with the woman in the hot tub incident and teasing Chim again, and being an ear Athena could rant to when she thought Norman killed Lola. She was absolutely amazing...

Episode 2 ruined all of that.

She's at the car accident and is caring and attentive to the daughter and her mom, but then she's suddenly in a bad mood and making assumptions when it comes to the guy who blew through the light. She sends Chim over to him and when the dude is acting rude, telling them off, and threatening their jobs, she does the right thing and asks if he's refusing care. He says yes, he doesn't consent, so she doesn't give him care. Even in a bad mood she's still doing her job properly. Chim's been a firefighter/paramedic longer than her and should know that if someone refuses care, you can't force the care onto them, so he had no reason to try to make her change her mind about that.

Putting that aside, her words to Chimney really made me upset,

"No, he's done. Why is it that drunks always come out of these things without a scratch?"

Why the fuck did the writers make her say that? What did the dude being drunk have anything to do with it? Also Aisha's delivery is great but the line is terrible. Why put so much emphasis on the guy being drunk?? Hen doesn't act like this. She gets pissed off sometimes, yes, but in season 1 when Bobby had a relapse and she and Buck found him in his apartment, she was empathetic and sensitive to his struggles and has been ever since. You can't tell me if Bobby was the captain on that scene, she would've said it anyway because she wouldn't have. So I'm just supposed to believe that when he's not there, that's how she acts??

I think the thing that really made me upset was the fact they kept going back to the guy being drunk. He could've been completely sober but texting on his phone while speeding, he could've had a muscle spasm that made him hit the accelerator, he also could've just been a dick and decided to run the light for the hell of it. The part about him being drunk or not shouldn't have gotten so much attention, because either way HE STILL REFUSED CARE!!!

They could've still had the whole Hen's intern captain position being paused because it's a councilwoman's son and rich people use money to sue and try to make things go away to keep themselves in a good light with their public image. Like the chief said, all the signs of impairment could've been indications of the brain bleed the dude had, but again, THE GUY REFUSED CARE!!!! Hen says this but still gets put on pause cause rich people.

Buck saying they can't fire her for one bad call is true, but it also wasn't a bad call??? Toxic reports or not, if the guy refused care then he refused care!!! It's not her problem!!! It would've been worse if he refused care, she gave it to him anyway, saved his life, but now she's getting sued for bullshit reasons and can't be a firefighter/paramedic anymore because she went against protocol.

And they're talking so much about how the guy was definitely drunk. So drunk that obviously everyone could smell it off him. WHY DOES THIS MATTER????

DRUNK OR NOT THE GUY REFUSED CARE!!!!!

You might be wondering why I'm repeating myself but I was wondering the same thing watching the episode. Why are they repeating the fact that the guy was drunk??? And then Hen thinks all of them betrayed her because they don't know for a fact if the dude was drunk or not.

Hen's ranting to Karen (omg Karen hi!!! 🥰🥰🥰 I'm so sorry this is your only scene 😭😭😭) saying,

"I just feel like if I was any other captain, I would not have been benched."

Shut the fuck up, yes you would have. It doesn't matter who the captain is, what mattered was who the victim was. I'm sure there's been times where someone refused care and ended up dying because of it. It's like that woman's dying mother with cancer who took a bunch of pills but had a DNR so when Hen and Chim showed up they legally weren't allowed to do anything. Even though the daughter was freaking out and telling them to do something, they stayed professional and said they couldn't. Neither of them got benched for letting that woman die. Hen's getting benched because the dude's mom was a councilwoman, not for any other reason.

Hen's upset cause she thinks Buck, Eddie, and Chim were trying to comfort her because "they assumed she screwed up", then she starts second guessing herself on whether or not she did screw up and goes on about how she thought the guy was an "entitled rich brat" anD OH MY GOD WHY WERE THEY ON THIS FOR SO LONG!!!!!

Entitled or humble, rich or poor, brat or dom, drunk or sober, IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!!

THE GUY REFUSED CARE!!! STOP HANGING ON THE MATTER OF IF HE WAS DRUNK OR NOT!!!!

And then the reports come back and it turns out he actually was drunk plus had drugs in his system. Whoopty fucking doo. That didn't matter nor did it excuse the fact they carried that stupid plot for no reason across the entire episode.

The guy. Refused. Care. That should've been the end of it.

*sigh*... I have a headache.

Sorry guys, I love 911 but this episode was a flop for me. 3/10. If not for the cool action scenes and beautiful transitions, it would be much lower. Hopefully things are better in episode 3.

TL;DR

The Lola cheating on Norman with Julien storyline fucking sucked, and everyone and their mother focusing on if the guy who caused the car accident might've been drunk or not storyline fucking sucked too. He refused care so it shouldn't have mattered if he was drunk or not.

[spongeknife]

An Idea That Would've Helped Me Process My System Better (also hello i haven't posted in a while)

TL;DR IF YOU CANT READ THROUGH If your system is in recovery and feels as though everyone's just becoming defensive/closed off, it may be (partially) because of phrasing when discussing different alters, as an alter may not feel truly supported or connected to the challenges you guy's face. This is about recovery and specifically about when trying to process a system through a third party (in my examples I use medical professionals - MP, but this could include anyone) When I was first open to getting support for my system, I remember being told in many different ways that "an(y) alter HAD a purpose, but don't necessarily have that same purpose now - so let's try to help them change their behaviors" WHICH is a lot easier said than done, right? But, I also didn't have the experience to fully understand what that means or how to support any alters into participating so a lot of helpful advice wasn't usable. SO, I felt frustrated and mostly like I was stuck banging my head against a wall to get the system to a better place. AND the entire system was feeling generally tense because everybody felt vindicated by each other. Alter(s) with an "older purpose" felt they were underappreciated, especially, and were looping back to not wanting to seek support. I started to see the bigger problem (and picture) when I was able to understand why some of the alters felt they were not being taken seriously. And that the wording MPs were using weren't very empathetic. Most of the time, when referencing these alters, words like "useful and not useful", "purposeful and not purposeful", and "help and unhelpful" were used. Along with this, sessions about those alters talked about how they needed to change now, or how they didn't have a "function" now (or their function wasn't good/beneficial). When the system started to change phrasing, and started to change wording to be more understanding of experiences/characteristics we couldn't understand, the alters were more willing to work and communicate as a cohesive unit. If you're a system who's trying to recover but can't seem to get past a communication stage, I would try becoming less goal-oriented and more process-oriented. We have done this by: -creating reaction trees to help think out harmful actions [goal/motive -> actions to achieve motive -> intended consequences AND unintended consequences -> was original goal achieved? -> ideas for different actions to have the same goal that could be used instead] is an example we use -doing venn diagrams of how someone feels about the alter/action vs how the alter feels/thinks about the action (with a similarity bubble to see what things are in common) -taking ANY (genuine/reasonable) feedback from the alter being discussed, even if it's just a paper with angry scribbles (feedback shows an awareness of communication, and can be worked on to become clearer later - it shows a first step) I'm not quite sure if this will help anyone, but when I think back to the start of my recovery I remember being told what NOT to do, but not really being told what better examples could look like. In any case, of course advice or anything will vary from system to system, and what worked for me may not work for you. This is just a generalized idea if you're not sure where to start and don't think this will do any harm to try (if you're unsafe or not ready, please follow your best judgement on what to do). I also mostly say this because I was seeing this kind of thing on a lot of system recovery pages (Not just on tumblr, but on other websites as well), and I think for some people it's not really important (phrasing may not be a big deal), but I feel for some systems this may help/make more sense. (also please know my intent is well even if I worded things a little weird or rambled a bit, I don't really want discourse or anything about this, i just am not very good at communicating my thoughts)

[pixiewritesstuff]

Hii!

This is probably going to be a long ask I'm sorry 😭

I got into Undertale and the AUs when I was like nine I think and I'm like thirteen now and sans aus have been such a huge comfort to me!

I discovered your tiktok account around a year ago and you inspired me so much immediately! Your characters were so cool - Smudge was the first one I saw.

Sadly I stopped watching your account for a long time because I deleted my tiktok account but I remembered you a couple of weeks ago and was like GAHH I HAVE TO FOLLOW PIXIE!

I have been at a low - girl I'm like Ink, I have such a fear of being forgotten- I want to make an impact in this fandom and I thought I couldn't but then I was like 'wait...' and you've given me inspiration to make a blog called askbittersweet!

Maybe I won't get asks, but you gave me the inspiration and confidence to and you're just so important to me!

this was supposed to sound so much cooler but my words failed.....

also your art style is so pleasing lol! I had a lucid dream where I had your artstyle it was kinda weird but it was cool n stuff (jeez lousus i'm bad at talking)

I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY AND NIGHT AND WEEK AND YEAR YOU'RE SO COOL <333333

Awww thank you!! I got into the Undertale AUs when I was about 11/12 and now I'm turning 19 in a few hours, so I definitely relate to that sense of comfort!

And thank you for your support. :3 I've been working every day to give everyone content they can like. I love this community and honestly it's my honour to be giving everyone content that they enjoyed. Secret be told, I didn't think anyone would like my work considering my writing isn't all fluff and sunshine, but I was completely blown out of the water with support and love from such amazing individuals. I've met and made friends with so many amazing individuals, each fan interaction I have makes my absolute week because there is nothing I love more than cooking up content.

I wish you luck on your own content journey! As long as you have a passion for what you do? There is only one way for you to go and that's up. Since I'm feeling nice today, I'll give you a few tips ٩( ᐛ )و

★ Use what's trending to your advantage -

Tik tok, Tumblr, Twitter/X all follow an algorithm of sorts, if you see bunch of videos following the same pattern... Take the leap! Make sure to add your own spin on it, not only will that help you stand out but copying others makes a story so bland, bleh!

★ Be brave, be confident -

I know putting yourself out there can be scary, it's literally throwing yourself on a stage and slowly building an audience hoping you'll attract your kind of people. But you'll never get anywhere if you stand around timidly and be too scared of that attention. Sell yourself, be brave, what makes you different from everyone else? What makes you special? What makes your amazing work so amazing? What can you do to bring something different to this multi verse?

(For me? I can bring adorable characters with a horror aspect, but what makes me different? There's no one quite like our lovely princess Smudge, is there?)

★ Don't be afraid of interacting with people but withstand your boundaries.

Unless those people are total dickwads and have no life, making interactions with people is a great place to start. You'll build a solid support system, people who aren't just interested in your stories but genuinely want to see you thrive! Little side note- don't let people stand on you either. I've had many a time where people thought they could push my boundaries and got kicked to the curb. Don't be a door mat, how will anyone respect your characters if they don't respect their creator?

★ Last but certainly not least - believe in yourself!

Okay, this one is a little corny and I know what you're probably thinking. 'But Pixie, I have low self confidence and esteem. Being confident doesn't come naturally.' And I'm super sorry to hear that. You're a wonderful person with flaws, but those flaws don't undermind your best traits one bit. If you don't believe in it, believe in us to believe in you. Would there be hundreds of people lying to your face? Really? No. There would be some merit behind their words, right? I faked it till I made it. Now? I have the ability to trust my own talent. I find love in my work and in my characters. I can only hope you do too, you can do amazing things if you set your mind to it. That's something I live by.

AND YOU'RE JUST AS COOL! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK AND I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOUR IDEAS AND WORK!! THANK YOU FOR THE KIND WORDS, YOU CAN DO IT!!!

[valturyek]

VENT!!!! NOT LIKE SUPER ULTRA SAD BUT IT'S VENT UNDERCUT SO IF UR UNCOMFY THERE'S NO NEED TO READ!!! HAVE A GOOD DAY BEAUTIFUL PERSON!!!!

So yesterday I had a dream. I don't exactly remember what was it about when I woke up, but there was something in specific that I felt and remembered.

A character from one of my favorite medias, run up to me and hugged me.

I'm quite used to hugs and physical contact, since it's pretty much one of the ways I express myself around my close ones besides words of affirmation and some acts of service, but this time it felt different. Like some kind of genuine affection and care from said character. I've never felt the intensity of that warmth during a hug in a long while, not even when I hug my loved ones.

I know that clearly doesn't mean I don't love them, it's just that it made me realize how much true affection and care I crave, it made me somewhat understand how lonely and deprived I've become.

Like I feel dumb, so f****** dumb. How can I feel lonely having so much people around me that care about me? It feels stupid, even tho I know it has nothing to do with that, it just makes me feel as if I was so needy and ungrateful of everything I have been given.

I slowly began waking up, and I felt a strong thought in the back of my mind telling me that what I dreamt was something 'relevant', and then I tried haunting the answer to my wondering mind, and that's when it hit me. It really hit me figuring out everything, while staring into the ceiling silently, a feeling started creeping inside of me, and it painfully took away the smile on the corner of my mouth after I remembered the glimpse of said kid hugging me. And I understood how messed up I was. I layed to my side and hugged myself while sobbing, unable to comprehend the massive amount and blurriness of thoughts inside my mind, I only knew how lonely and sad I felt, without being able to recall the last time a hug from someone felt like the one from the kind-hearted kid.

I felt loved, cared and safe in that embrace. And he was so happy to see me. It was like retuning into the arms of someone I haven't seen in a long while, it was a company that brought me such strong feelings. Serotonin and happiness went through my whole body as I hugged back, and I really couldn't catch up with the things he was telling me, but I believe it was something about how I was feeling, how much he missed me and happy was to see me and what we were going to do now that I was back. And I felt so much love. Not in a 'weird' or romantic way, it was like friendship, like family.

I can't remember the last time I've felt such a warmth inside me after hugging someone so dearly. I can't remember someone letting me know how important I was and how happy they were of seeing me again, but I really, and I mean it; really wanted to feel that again, even if it were nothing more than a dream. I crave it so much.

I missed the feeling, while hugging tightly the pillow, muttering some nonsense as tears came down my cheeks.