#it's very funny to me that I reblogged myself so many times | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ziracona · 2 years ago

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I posted 11,676 times in 2022

1,952 posts created (17%)

9,724 posts reblogged (83%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@theinkgirl

@sluttyfranzkafka

@artianaiolanthe

@ziracona

@next-time-you-invite-pam

I tagged 8,897 of my posts in 2022

Only 24% of my posts had no tags

#dragon age 2 - 662 posts

#ask - 576 posts

#days gone - 435 posts

#persona 5 - 422 posts

#9 hours 9 persons 9 doors - 412 posts

#fate go - 400 posts

#fallout 4 - 332 posts

#dragon age origins - 247 posts

#anonymous - 236 posts

#dragon age inquisition - 214 posts

Longest Tag: 97 characters

#Также. Я сказал в ЭТОМ посте: «Не делайте репостовчтобы говорить анти-Андерсовские вещи в тегах».

My Top Posts in 2022:

Okay but what I can’t get over is when you meet Anders, and he explains Justice, he says his anger and hate corrupted Justice and overwhelmed him—changed him—and he’s miserable and guilt-ridden and full of so much self-hatred and fear of hurting someone he loves again and certainty he will, that he takes THREE YEARS of being in love with Hawke who is actively pursuing him, before even considering risking a relationship.

And I fucking believed him. I thought ‘That makes sense. Spirits are influenced by how they’re believed to be (a great example being the awful things that happen to poor Justice on a Rival!Path in DA2), and their environment, and what they’re pushed to do. He’s clearly not a demon, which tracks, because that only happens to a spirit corrupted completely away from their core being, and Justice and Vengeance aren’t antonyms—they have solid overlap. So, it’s more like he’s unstable and a little bit shaky in his sanity, dealing with this, but still very much a spirit and himself—just also sort of unwell.” It made sense. I really thought Anders would understand what was going on.

It wasn’t until beating the whole fucking game and having complete context, that I was able to look backwards and realize that’s entirely wrong. In Awakening, Justice has /exactly/ the same personality as in DA2, just more stable and calm and curious, less unwell and fractured. That’s what I said before? No, not exactly. What I mean is, Justice pushes Anders in Awakening to consider a more active role in defending Mages. He’s forceful and passionate about doing the right thing—hell, when you meet him, he’s championing a bunch of humans in the Fade to save them from a demon by force. He changed, yes. But it wasn’t his personality. It was his stability.

Anders’ feelings of anger and hate and desire for justice and vengeance didn’t hurt Justice at all; those feelings are all just ones. It was his fear and guilt that did. It was the way he’s been raised his entire life by the Chantry to consider himself dangerous and violence dangerous and action dangerous, and caring too much, fighting back, standing up, using magic to fight back, all dangerous and bad. It’s his /fear/ that he is wrong and bad. It’s his religious trauma over his own existence biologically as what he is. Justice didn’t change. Anders was afraid of what he and Justice did—were able to do—what Justice did to protect him. And immediately assumed he was the monster and he was at fault, because as much of a rebel as he is and as much as he believes Mages are not monsters and deserve to be free, like basically all minorities who had to unlearn the bigotry they experienced their whole life, he has not been able to stop applying to himself rules he long ago stopped apply to everyone else in the world.

And that fear, that belief Justice had been warped and hurt by him, and schism in his own mind about not just what Justice means, but what it means as it relates to him and what he’s allowed to do and want, and it making him evil as a person to pursue even if he thinks it’s right, /that/ is what warped Justice. That’s why Justice is unstable and unwell and their relationship is fractured and strained, despite caring for each other, and Justice’s overwhelming desire to help Anders. Anders is terrified not of Justice, but of himself. And in retrospect all of this is made so clear by his two paths in DA2.

Since gaining Justice, Anders was immediately attacked and almost killed by another Warden, and had to flee, and it was bloody. He ran to Kirkwall and kept his head down, struggling to help as a doctor for refugees in the slums, risking freedom and life every day by practicing magic as an apostate. He’s utterly alone. He spent years fleeing the Circle and being dragged back. As a youth, he fell in love, and they separated him and his boyfriend and took him to another tower. He kept trying to escape. He was left in solitary confinement for an /entire year/ after his seventh escape. The wardens saved him, and he had a home and freedom for like 6 months in awakening, then the Wardens bowed to the Chantry’s demands and initiated a Templar to follow him literally everywhere like a prison warden and that hard earned freedom and community was lost. He saved Justice’s life by letting him live in his body, but in doing so was proclaimed an abomination and almost killed on the spot by the Templar Warden, and fled, alone again. In Kirkwall, he isolated himself to try to keep others safe, and spent his time healing. Then he meets Hawke, and goes to save his first love from being made tranquil, only to find the Chantry is using their own church to bait him, and he has arrived too late, Karl is gone, and he is nearly made tranquil himself, then forced to kill the only person he’s ever loved when Karl regains his person for seconds and begs him to do it before he’s a mindless slave again.

From here, he spends the next 7 years helping heal Hawke’s team, smuggling Mages out of Kirkwall to save them as part of an Underground Railroad, championing mage rights and protesting, writing manifestos, healing refugees and the poor, and doing everything in his power to make the world better. No one in Hawke’s party, except determinately Hawke (and determinately Bethany as well, before, well), takes him and the plight of Mages seriously. He’s treated as an extremist and an annoyance and over the top for regularly talking about the fact that, you know; his minority group literally is being killed in the streets and turned into mindless slaves for the church every fucking day, and no one is stopping it. He becomes more and more desperate and isolated and the situation gets so bad, Justinia has ordered an Exalted March to purge Kirkwall, and Meredith has sent for the Right of Annulment to kill every mage in the circle, about half way through Act 3. And still, no one does anything. He’s completely alone, even in just, fucking validating the severity of the suffering and death and injustice they face.

If Hawke treats Anders like a monster, like an abomination, and Justice like a demon? Over the course of those 7 years of being dismissed, abandoned, and outright attacked by the closest things he has to friends, he becomes less and less stable, more and more lost to the Chantry fears he’s a monster, less sure of himself and his identity, more alone, and confused, and broken, and hopeless. Pulled in too many directions and giving up in despair and trying to fight at the same time. And Justice gets worse. He becomes believed by everyone to be a demon, until even Anders is uncertain and afraid of them both. And then Justice is torn between hurting Anders, and letting innocents die, both of which go intrinsically against his nature as a spirit, and what happens to Justice is what happens to any spirit forced to be and forced to act outside of its nature: he begins to be warped into a demon.

If Hawke is a friend to Anders, and he is not alone in his fight for his people. If Hawke helps him, and reassures him, and he is able to stabilize his mind and emotions and realize he’s not a monster, and his cause is just, he and Justice stabilize together, and no longer have even the issues they do in Act 1, because his warped view of justice and his fears are overcome, and with Justice’s sense of self not constantly threatened, the problem is removed. They both get to be happy, and well, and cohesive. It empowers Anders to see he’s right and just, and to make hard choices rationally, and find who he is and what he wants, with great assurance and passion, and Justice to retain who he is and stay a spirit, while both help the world.

And anyway it just makes me extremely upset that Anders even with all his conviction and belief, has still had such fear and guilt over his very being drilled into him by the Chantry, that he truly believes he’s the monster in his relationship with Justice, and a danger to everyone around him, and it’s the Chantry the whole time. It always has been.

761 notes - Posted July 27, 2022

831 notes - Posted August 19, 2022

The sudden Dracula Daily surge of people with no real idea what happens in the book beyond dust jacket synopsis is so cool and I love it, and every post makes me remember how I and only one other human in existence have experienced reading Dracula.

Since we were kids, my sister has consistently consumed media of any kind, and then updated me episode or chapter or installment/segment by segment, by drawing me a comic version of events on the fly, while retelling the events. This is such an immersive experience that I cried at the end of FMA more than she did when she read it, and remembered more Q&A topics at the next con. So, for Dracula we are on a flight.

A multiple hour flight. And she goes “I finished Dracula—do you want to hear it?” & I am like “Heck yeah bro,” so she goes in. We aren’t loud because this is a shared space, but our third row seat is empty so that works out perfect, and I can hear fine, so we scrunch up & she starts drawing charts as she goes, from Jonathan on his terrible no good real estate venture, right through to the denouement. It’s a fun story! And I love her comics and comments on events. I’m really into it. And it’s about group strategy sesh over Alice’s situation time in the book, when I realize the guy sitting behind us (compete stranger in his early 30s) is leaned forward and up in his chair, silently watching the comics and trying to subtly listen in too.

So, my sister goes through the whole plot of Dracula scene by scene, and fascinated, I keep checking periodically when I remember, just to see, and the entire time,he keeps listening. For something like the next two hours, I and this guy are both just taking the whole thing in beat by beat like

until finally we reach the end, and my sis says “And yeah, that was Dracula,” and he sits back and relaxes and I peek and he’s just staring into space processing eyes huge and like me too buddy & anyway, yes!!! Dracula was meant to be consumed in OG form but the weirdest methods possible, and also Quincy is the best character.

836 notes - Posted May 8, 2022

Fate players when the arc writer sucks

1,020 notes - Posted July 7, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I heard Deacon’s “There're other organizations out there. And, in time, I'm sure they're going to spoon-feed you their own patented form of bullshit. Ignore the verbage, and look at what they're doing. What they're asking you to do. What sort of world they'd have you build, and how they're going to pay for it.” one time in 2016 and it’s lived with me for six years.

1,257 notes - Posted July 23, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

I know this isn’t a tag game but since people are treating it like one @theinkgirl @tathracyn @sluttyfranzkafka @artianaiolanthe @rabbit-exe @jellydishes

#tumblr2022 #Tumblr year in review #On the one hand DAI was such a betrayal & so bad I feel very sad so much of my year was spent on this #On the other it’s funny as fuck my longest tag is my telling someone off about Anders in Russian bc that really is a ‘me’ move of all time.#Also absolutely thrilled Deacon’s quote of the universe was my top post this year we did it guys #Also unreal I reblogged myself in my top 5 it’s because so many telltale batman people deactivated but I got HARD back into it #So the only way to blog gif sets was to revlog /my/ reblog from back in like 2016

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sufficientlylargen · 3 months ago

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Weird that many people pick "the annoying mutual", because I don't think there's really such a thing. I can't speak for other tumblr users but if I found someone annoying I probably wouldn't be mutuals with them. Like, being mutuals with you involves each of us making a deliberate choice to follow the other, which implies that neither of us finds the other annoying.

And if I DO find a mutual annoying, this is almost always because I'm in a bad mood and find EVERYTHING annoying, which means you're still not "the annoying mutual", you're just "a beloved mutual" in a world where every single thing is annoying to me and I probably need a nap.

#side note: I don't think I've ever unfollowed someone for being annoying #so if I once followed you and don't anymore it's not because you annoyed me #it's probably because my dash was too full and I can't follow very many people at a time or I get stressed about the posts I'm missing #and I can't handle following people who post hundreds of times per hour for similar reasons #but this is not a problem with you it's just a thing I can't handle #also there are some people I can't follow because I already follow other people who reblog all their things #I think of myself as 'the funny mutual' mostly because I rarely post things if I don't think they're at least a little bit funny #and all my posts that get big are things like tumblwocky and fuck yeah stick elf which were intended to be funny #and if my posts annoy you please please stop following me #or block whatever tag I use for the things that annoy you #please curate your experience for your own benefit #and not because of some feeling of obligation to 'follow back' or whatever #metatumblr

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jilixthinker · 9 months ago

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slowly to me

=͟͟͞♡ virgin!felix × noona!fem reader

=͟͟͞♡ bestfriends/roommates to lovers

word count: 7.4K

content warning: explicit sexual content, sub!felix, soft dom!noona reader, felix is a virgin, corruption kink if you squint, mutual masturbation, clit play, fingering, cock play, dirty talk, unprotected sex (as usual), creampie, they are clueless idiots in love.

a/c: i wanted to write this for the longest time and now i am kinda nervous sharing it because it feels more personal (?) and intimate than usual. hope you will enjoy it ♡

=͟͟͞♡ please, consider reblogging if you like my works!

[00:17 AM] fefe 🧚‍♀️

noona 💙

are you awake?

please tell me you are

I can't find my keys 😪

i know it's late

don't hate me

You blink your eyes open a few times. The sound of your phone buzzing on your nightstand is insistent over the chattering noise coming from your laptop. You must have fallen asleep more than 30 minutes ago, considering that you are not familiar with the episode of the anime you are currently watching. Your fingers brush against the cover of your phone and you finally grab it with a sleepy grunt. When you unlock it, not without typing the wrong code twice, you notice that your chat with Felix is already open, a few notifications popping on the screen.

[00:18 AM] fefe 🧚‍♀️

noona 😪😪

[00:18 AM] you

where are you now

[00:18 AM] fefe 🧚‍♀️

outside 😪

noona, my savior

my only light in the darkness 💙

You force yourself to sit on the bed as you yawn. When you read the last text, you chuckle despite of how sleepy you feel. It's a little bit late to be coming back home, even for Felix, but you don't mind. Felix usually stays awake till dawn, always prone to chat and watch tv series together whenever you cannot sleep. You help each other in your own ways, yours being the responsible counterpart in your household.

You find your slippers with your feet and you finally stand up, heading outside of your room and to the corridor. It's pretty warm already this time of year, and you don't even bother putting on something over your light pajamas. It's just Felix anyway, he did see you at your worst so many times that you cannot even remember.

When you open the door, Felix is fighting with the zipper of his denim jacket. He is dressed casually, almost as if he didn't put any effort on what he was going to wear. A pink hoodie is picking out from his black slacks, and his hair is styled in a messy bun, a few locks escaping from the hair tie and covering his eyes.

"Noona, I owe you." he huffs, offering you a toothy smile as soon as you let him in.

"Don't mention it. I don't even have plans for tomorrow morning, I can just sleep in." you yawn in response, plopping on the couch and closing your eyes again.

Felix hums and throws his jacket on the nearest chair of your shared living room before letting himself fall next to you, face immediately finding its favorite place into the crook of your neck.

"How was your date?" you ask him, circling his shoulders with your arm and letting him scooch closer to you.

You feel his cold nose nuzzling against your collarbones and you chuckle, bringing your hand to the top of his head and starting to untie the loose bun. Felix puffs and you can hear his lips curving into a small pout.

"As always." he mumbles. "He was cute. Funny. He paid for my order."

You nod, and your fingers find their way up to his scalp, scratching it lightly and pulling a soft grunt out of his lips. "But..." you add, waiting for the inevitable epilogue.

"But..." he shifts from his position to lay down with his face on your lap. "- I felt nothing. He was very handsome, and smart. He was nice. I could tell he would make a great boyfriend. But I just looked at him and... I couldn't see myself kissing him, or touching him. It felt like looking at a nice painting, you know? I don’t know what is wrong with me."

"Nothing is wrong with you, Lix." you murmur in the dark. Your thumb moves from his soft locks and start circling the plump skin of his cheek. Felix huffs again and rubs his nose against your lower stomach. He does it often, and it makes him look like a small kitten looking for some comfort. Your heart always sinks at that.

"I am serious." you continue. "Feelings cannot be controlled. It's not your fault if you didn't feel attracted to him. Maybe he just wasn't the one."

Felix looks at you from his position, his big pleading eyes are a little tired.

"And who will be the one, noona? I am 23 and I didn't find a single person yet. I didn't even... you know." Felix lets out a sarcastic chuckle. "Can you tell how hard is it to reach this age without experimenting with anyone? I feel left out."

"Does it bother you so much? Being a virgin?" you ask him. Felix and you are used to talk a lot about everything without any sort of embarassment, but he only mentioned the topic of his inexperience a few times in your many years of friendship.

You didn't believe him at first. Felix was... Felix. The most precious human being on earth, smart and kind, generous and funny, witty and reliable. Your bestfriend, your proclaimed soulmate, and the prettiest person you've ever seen. Him being a virgin sounded like a joke to you. He confessed it when he was 18 at the time, and he was a little tipsy after a few bottles of beers you two had shared after moving into your new apartment. You could tell it was an uncomfortable topic for him, and you never asked him again. You just told him that he was young, and that the situation would change quickly in the following months.

But years passed, five to be exact. And Felix didn't have sex with anyone. He finished college, started working and met people, he started dating even, but as soon as the people he was seeing asked him for something more, he shut everything down and disappeared from their lives.

"It does bother me, yes." he answers quietly. "Because I am not afraid of intimacy itself. I just... don't feel the right attraction. I want to, but I can't. All these pretty boys I met, and the furthest I've gone is kissing. I don't know what to do, noona."

Felix shudders and you pull him closer to you. His voice is almost a whisper and his breathing is getting a little heavy. Your fingers go back to stroke through his hair gently, as you try to calm him down.

"Have you considered dating girls?" you ask him. "You told me you felt more comfortable with them."

Felix's arms circle your waist as he hugs you tight. He looks at you intently with a shy smile. He looks so tiny all curled up like this.

"I do love girls. More than boys actually. I thought about that a lot." He murmurs as he pulls you so close that your stomach is pressed completely against his cheek. "But I feel shy around them. I cannot help but thinking that I would mess everything up. With boys... it would be easier. I know how a male body works. But I have no clue on how to, uh —"

You chuckle at his words and you lean forward to pinch at his nose, amused by his reaction. "How to touch them?" you smile at him.

Felix laughs and lets out a breathless sigh. He pulls away slightly, though keeping his eyes locked on you. You can see a light blush appearing on the apples of his cheeks.

"Uhm, yes. That." His voice is still playful, but you can hear the nervousness in his breath as well. "You know I have never kissed a girl before. Just boys. Uh–, I know nothing, noona." he exhales.

You scrunch your nose and you let yourself relax against the sofa behind you. Felix's arms are still linked tightly around your waist. "There is nothing to be ashamed of, Lix," you breathe out. "Human nature will do its thing. When you'll find yourself in that situation, your body will know what to do."

"I'm not so sure." he murmurs, starting to rub his nose against your hipbone, sniffing at the fabric like he always does when he is feeling a little overwhelmed.

Your hand finds its way toward the back of his neck and you apply a slight pressure on the skin there. Felix lets out a shaky breath.

"You will see. With the right person, you won't feel uncomfortable at all. It's normal to don't know stuff, you know. We've all been there. And each body, each person, is different. You can figure things out along the way, by asking and learning." You try to reassure him. "It's not a performance. You should just focus on feeling good and let the other person feel good too. I promise it's not so complicated as you think."

Felix hums quietly and a mellow silence falls around you. The room is still dark, it should be around 1 a.m. now, but a beam of moonlight shines through the window, reflecting small glimpses of silver upon Felix's hair.

Felix feels small and soft on your lap. He is still hugging you, and you know him enough to sense that he is restraining himself somehow. You can feel the distress in the way his tiny hands are fisting the cotton of your pajamas around your waist.

"Lixie, sweetheart..." you murmur, voice little higher than a sigh. Felix holds tighter on you, as if he is scared of you running away. As if you could.

The fact is that you love Felix. You always did, in a way. You cannot tell exactly when you fell in love with him, but it happened sometime between your last year of highschool and your freshman year of college. You remember Felix grabbing your hand when you graduated in summer, sweat under your dress from being exposed to the hot sun, waiting for your speech. You remember him intertwining your fingers and smiling at you with devoted eyes when he helped you moving in your new dormitory. You remember him wetting your shoulder with warm tears because you were going to be separated from each other for the first time. And, oh. At a certain point you just knew.

You never talked about that, of course. You didn't think you needed to. Things between you were perfect already, and you were happy you've managed to slip neatly into your routine. Felix needs you in a way nobody else can comprehend. And you need him too, in a slight different way. And it's okay, you've always been good at managing your own feelings.

"Noona..." he answers timidly.

"What are you thinking about? I can hear the sound of your brain working no stop." you shrug, looking at him. The moonlight looks the ideal light to admire him, you find yourself admitting.

Felix looks over at you, his lips upturned with a reluctant smile. "It's just... I don't think I will ever find this person." he sighs softly.

"Why so? I cannot imagine anyone who wouldn't want to be with you. You are perfect." you say, eyes jumping down to Felix's delicate frame. His button nose covered in freckles scrunches a bit over the line of his plump lips. They look moist. They must be soft.

From his gaze, you can see that your words are the last thing Felix was expecting to hear from you. "Because–" he stutters while the pressure of his hands on you becomes almost too much, "–there is already... ugh, nevermind."

The silence that follows his semi-confession is heavy on you. You freeze at the admission, and you can tell from his eyes that he didn't mean to let that slip. That's it – you think – there is someone. Someone who Felix cares about, maybe that he even loves, and that is keeping him from living his life freely. Someone who apparently doesn’t reciprocate his feelings, given that Felix is trying to see other people and complaining about them with you.

Fuck, that hurts. You could have seen it coming, but it still hurts.

You open your mouth to formulate any sort of coherent words of encouragement that you can master, but Felix decides to move from his position at the same time you shift on the sofa to look at him. The impact of your bodies gives gravity a push, and you both go down with a loud humph, landing on the couch with your limbs all entangled. Felix groans as his back collides with the leather, and you open your eyes to check up on him, only to stop as soon as you realize how close you are to each other.

His lean and warm body is all pressed up against the cushions, and suddenly any trace of stoicism has fled the situation. You don't even remember what you were going to say, to be honest. All you are conscious of is Felix's body and the way his eyes are looking at you, making you flush with an unknown tenderness. You take a deep breath and the realization that you can feel his parted thighs caging your hips and his arms pawing at your shirt hits you hard. And maybe it's the late hour, maybe it's because you've spent the last hour talking your hearts out – and the last years repressing your feelings –, or maybe it's because Felix looks so vulnerable like this.

Whatever it is, instead of laughing everything off and move from this awkward position, you keep looking at him as some strands of hair fall onto his forehead and his breathing gets a little quicker. You find yourself thinking that maybe this is the most beautiful Felix has ever looked.

"Noona." he murmurs, and you can feel how the air shifts around you. His make-up is a little bit smudged around his eyes, you notice, and you lift your hand to rub at the corner of his eyelid with your finger. Felix trembles lightly as you touch him, and desire tugs at you, pushing you towards a path that you know is not wise.

"Noona–" he breathes out again, this time not much louder than a whisper. "I want to try something."

"Felix," you say unsteadily as Felix's hand grabs at your pajamas a little more firmly. "This isn't a good idea."

"Why so?" he asks, voice all tiny, shifting closer to you anyway. Everytime you try to look away from his lips it's like your eyes have been glued in place. "You said that with the right person it wouldn't feel uncomfortable. I– you.. I don't feel uncomfortable with you."

You sigh at his words. You are sure there is almost a thousand reasons why you shouldn't be doing this. First of all, Felix doesn’t love you. Not the way you do, at least. And he is hurting now, he is sad. He is not in the conditions of taking such a decision. But you can hardly manage a coherent thought right now, with him being this close to you.

He doesn't like you back, you cannot do this.

"Felix, I am honored that you trust me this much. I really am." you manage, but your voice sounds faint. "But this is not the right thing to do now. You don't want it to happen this way."

At that, Felix pauses and looks at you. He bites his lip, as if he was looking for the right words, and his eyes looks different, almost watery. "Don't you..." he stutters, "am I not good enough?"

You blink in confusion and a thick layer of guilt fills your stomach to the brim. You hate seeing Felix in distress, you cannot stand the way his timid smile leaves his face. You would give him the moon if that would make him happy.

"Oh no, Felix, sweetheart," you confess, bringing your hand to cup his cheek. The freckled skin feels soft and warm under your fingers. "this is not what I meant. I just– fuck," you swear in protest. "I just don't think I am the right choice. You deserve the right person for this."

Felix’s gaze fractures and he suddenly lets out the tiniest sigh, a pleading look framing his delicate traits. He turns his face to the left, leaning on your touch and he rubs his nose on the palm of your hand.

"Noona, you are not the right person. You are my person." He shyly admits, voice muffled on your skin. "But I can understand if you don't want this. If you don't want me the way I do. I am sorry for bringing this out, I should have kept that for myself."

You freeze, guilt becoming dread and pooling on your stomach. Oblivious to any of this, Felix gives you a small, sad smile and continues, "I tried to ignore it, believe me, I did. I kept myself from feeling this much because I knew it wasn't the same for you. But I can't help it, noona. I started seeing other people in the hope that it would eventually fade away. But it didn't. And now I am making a fool out of myself." Felix looks over at you and his smile is not the one you are used to see on his face. "Sorry for ruining everything," he sighs, "I just love you."

Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no.

You feel a fist of air being pushed out of your lungs like a truck. Felix's eyes are big and sweet, and a single tear escapes from his lashes to roll down the apple of his cheek. You fucked up. You fucked up so bad. You misunderstood everything. Guilt nestles in your chest like a stone, scraping at your heart.

"Felix," you say, your voice sounding foreign and groggy, "Felix. You love me? You love me?"

Felix's eyes jump down to your lips just for a second, and then back at you. He sniffs as he brings his free hand to his face, rubbing the tear away. "I do." he admits. "I really do."

The truth in his tone has you let out an inaudible gasp. Then, in the span of a second, just the time of a blink, everything changes.

"Say it again." You whisper as your eyes lock into Felix's. And then Felix opens his mouth, just barely, and his muttered words stay still on the tip of his tongue.

"Say it." You repeat as your thumb shifts, stroking slowly along his jaw and down to his chin. "Wanna hear it again."

Felix blinks, and he looks like he can't come up with something to say at all. "Noona, what are you, uh–" he gasps when your fingers catch his bottom lip, pinching it a little to enjoy its softness.

"Lix, sweetheart..." you whisper, letting your face fall slowly down to his neck. The insides of your tighs press against the outside of Felix's as to trap him there. "You want me, uh? You love me?" you tease him, your hand coming up to steady him by the chin, keeping him still while your mouth finally founds the tender skin of his neck and you place a single peck under his earlobe. "I wanna hear you saying it."

A weak whimper makes itself known at the bottom of Felix's throat when you angle your head to the side and leave a humid trail of kisses all along the column of his neck. "Noona, I... why are you – ah – why are you doing t-this?" he mutters with a sigh.

You grin against his skin at the sound of his affected voice, and you nose at his chin blowing another tiny peck there. "Just say it." You repeat.

Felix's eyes are semiclosed now, but his pupils are wide and dark, and your grip on his jaw tightens a bit. Just another wet kiss on his Adam's apple is sufficient to convince him to give you what you're asking for. "I want you." He grumbles as his legs start to tremble under your weight. "I love you." He breathes.

And that's it. Felix doesn’t have the time to even realize what is going on before you are pressing down with purpose, your lips firm against his and your hands buried in his hair as he lets out a tiny sob. His mouth is cherry red and sweet, and your lips slid against it, applying just the right amount of pressure to have him melting against the couch. The kiss feels almost electric, and the low groan Felix exhales bubbles up into the back of your throat.

Felix is soft, and his body becomes malleable and pliant beneath your touch as soon as he clings onto you with fervent hands, a little desperate to keep hold of how good he is feeling. He moans beautifully every time your lips detach from his to catch some breath, and his fingers find your face too, curling against your cheeks and keeping you close to him.

As soon as your tongue licks languidly at his bottom lip, his mouth opens up to let the warm muscle slip into his mouth with a low grunt. You can feel that Felix is not experienced in the way he is unable to do anything but tremble with pleasure in the bracket of your arms as your lips glide against his, slick and wet. He lets out another whimper when your tongue licks at the roof of his mouth and your head feels dizzy and heavy with desire.

You cannot remember the last time you felt this good and this right, to be honest. Felix’s confession is still lingering in your brain as your hips press against his in a swift movement, coaxing a soft moan out of the boy under you. You smile in the kiss, feeling as if everything in the universe is finally in its designed place and, at the same time, all condensed in the way the two of you are wrapped up in each other so tightly that you can’t keep track of where one of you starts and ends.

Reluctanly, you force yourself to separate from Felix's tender mouth just a few millimiters. "Lix, baby," you whisper lovingly on his lips. "You have no idea how long I wanted to do this."

"Y-you wanted this?" he pants, parting his legs more and allowing you to slot your body inbetween of them. His breath is sticky and hot and you feel yourself getting restless on top of him.

"Sweetheart. You have no idea how much I love you. How much I want you." You confess.

"But... but you've never–" he stutters under your gaze. "Oh God, don't tell me we've been this stupid!"

You chuckle and nod slowly. "Apparently, yes, we have been." You smile, and your chest is so full of fondness and love that it's hard to breathe. "And we wasted a lot of time. But at least we're here now."

Felix nods timidly and you lean in again, this time just kissing and nipping at the sensitive skin under his chin. You move closer to Felix's ear and then back towards his jaw. He starts to breathe harder, hands clutching the shirt of your pajamas, and his thumb brushes against the hardened nub of your nipple, making you hiss quietly.

Felix moans when you start licking at his lips again.

"Good?" you ask, smiling against his skin.

Felix nods. "Yeah. Y-you can keep going."

You comply, because you could never deny anything to him. You softly suck his upper lip between your teeth and let it go with a loud pop. Then you move to his neck again, and you bite him carefully a few times until Felix starts to squirm beneath you. The thought that you are the first person, the first woman, doing this to him has heat rushing to your face and you wonders if Felix wants to do more, or if he wants to keep things over the clothes. You are okay waiting. You've waited for years.

"Can I… can I ask you something?" he stutters when your hands find his hips and you start caressing them in tiny circles.

"Of course, Lix. You can ask me anything." you reassure him, rising your head from the crook of his neck and looking at him fondly.

"You know what we were talking about before," he breathes shyly, eyes big and teary. "I wasn't able to do anything with all the people I dated because... they were not you," he admits. "and – uh, I don't know how to say this. It's embarassing."

Felix sighs as he tries to hide his face behind his hands, but you stop him by grabbing his wrists.

"Do you want to try? Now?" you ask calmly, ignoring the burning lava that is flooding into your veins at the thought of having Felix like that, just for you.

Felix nods again, all soft and timid. "I wanna try. With you." He mutters as his hips buck involuntarily against yours for the first time. And that's when you notice that Felix is hard under you, cock stirring to life when you grind down into him as a response to his movement. "B-but I don't know anything, noona. You have to show me."

You hover your face over Felix's for a moment, searching something into his eyes before diving in again for a kiss. Felix hums languidly against you and you pull his tongue into your mouth, sucking on it before letting it go slowly, teeth dragging. Felix groans deep in his chest and you can feel the vibrations go straight to your pussy. Then the realization that you are finally doing it hits you.

You. And Felix.

I need to stay focused, you think when you start feeling your head becoming too clouded with desire. Felix feels so tender and warm against you, and it's difficult to concentrate when your arousal begins to pool in your panties, just a few layers of fabric separating your core from Felix's poor neglected cock. The kisses get sloppier but Felix doesn’t seem to mind, and you quickly find a rhythm between the movements of your lips and the gentle rocking of your body against his.

"What do you want to do, sweetheart? You can tell me." You hum as your mouth latches again onto the spot between Felix's neck and shoulder, sucking and then soothing the skin with your tongue.

"Ah, fuck…" Felix curses when your hand finally trails down his chest and lightly grazes his cock from over his pants. He feels sensitive and overwhelmed in the best way possible, and he feels like he is losing his mind already. "W-want to touch you, noona, please. Please, I've been wanting to touch you forever."

A tiny moan escapes from your parted lips at Felix's confession and you are pretty sure that your panties are now ruined for good. You can feel the hot stickiness gluing them to your entrance.

"Okay, baby." You sigh, shifting your weight in order to lift your hips a little from Felix's body. "You can touch me. I'll show you how. Is that what you want?"

Felix pants and his fists close again on your shirt as if he's trying to steady himself. "Y-yes please. Show me." He answers, and he looks completely blissed out, hair as a messy crown around his beautiful face.

"Okay." You concede, gathering all of your weight on your right arm to pull down both your pajamas shorts and underwear with just one quick motion, air finally hitting pungently the heath of your pussy.

Felix gulps and you see his Adam's apple bobbing deliciously as he stares at the way a sticky string of slick is connecting your entrance to the cotton of your panties. You feel your core pulsing at the sight and you let the garnments fall on the ground, climbing back to Felix's body and straddling his lap.

Felix looks up to you, but his eyes keep flicking back between your face and the mound of your pussy, and you try to thrust gently against the hard fabric of his jeans, just over his hardened erection. When you rock your hips tentatively on his bulge, your clit gets caught on the cold metal of his belt, making you hiss. Your pussy throbs, releasing a gush of arousal over where Felix's cockhead should be.

"Lixie, baby." You breathe out. "Noona needs your hand for this."

Felix cheeks are as red as cherries and he hiccups at your request, nodding twice and pliantly offering you his right hand. He places it just near your thigh, not daring to get any closer to your heath without any given permission.

You smile softly at him and you wrap your thumb and index around his wrist, bringing his palm to the front of your pussy and letting it brush against the hood of your clit for just a second. "I guess you watched porn before, uh, baby?" you ask him grinding gently on his hand. "I think you know a bit about female anatomy already."

Felix sighs and a wanton moan rises from his throat when he feels your engorged clit bumping against his skin. "Y-yes, I have." He blushes.

You laugh breathily at his shyness and you let his hand slide past your front to eventually press on your labia, guiding his slim fingers to spread the wetness gushing from your hole.

"Usually I prefer to be stimulated here," you say, nudging the pad of his thumb against your sensitive bud. "In little circles." and you move your hand in tandem with him, circling your clit and trembling a little from his insecure touch. Another spurt of arousal drips from your pussy and coaxes Felix's fingers, making him moan.

"But now I want it inside." Your voice is sickengly sweet, and Felix looks like he is one step away from hyperventilating. His teeth dig on his bottom lip and he sighs in pleasure.

"Please," he whines. "Please, let me."

You roll your hips so that the tips of his fingers catch your entrance, and suddenly you sink down in just one motion. His middle and ring finger meet you halfway, and he watches your face in adoration as the two digits push into you. You let out a small whimper when his palm finds your mound again, and you finally sit on him fully.

"Ah – noona. G-god." He keens as he feels his fingers being wrapped up with your warmth.

You lift up from him, desperate for some friction, your hand still grabbing his wrist to guide him and help him. "Baby, fuck, finally." You grunt as your hips swing forward and back to create a sort of rhythm. "Wanted you like this for the longest time, you have no idea."

Felix mewls as he hears the squelching sound of his hand against your throbbing cunt. The schlick schlick is filthy and loud, and his head starts spinning. "Noona, you are so soft, so warm. Fuck, why are you so wet?" He cries, eyes big and round and locked at the way your pussy is engulfing a part of himself.

The drag of his fingers makes your head floaty and you grind further down onto his knuckles, the stretch making you want more and more.

"That's how it's supposed to be with a woman, sweetheart. We are programmed to take." You chuckle breathily as you slowly but steadily fuck yourself onto Felix's fingers. "But you are too, right? My sweet boy. You are just taking what I am giving to you, isn't it?"

Felix moans and his pads involuntarily curl upwards, brushing against your gummy spot as his head falls back, deep groans tumbling out of his parted lips. "Ah – too wet noona, too wet. I wanna, w-wanna..."

"What? What do you want, baby? Tell me, I wanna hear." You sound rightfully out of breath while you fuck mercilessly Felix's digits and you flood his hand with your juices. You shift forward to kiss him on the mouth and his palm finds your clit again, sending jolts of pleasure through your spine.

"Wanna... w-wanna be with you. Please, noona, I've waited. I need – oh, God – I need you fully. I l-love you so much, I always wanted it to be with you." He sighs against your mouth before you can slot your lips together and lace your tongue on his, sucking the wet muscle slowly until Felix is reduced as a squirming mess under you.

"Oh my sweet boy, my angel," you praise him as you try to slow down your movements. If you keep going with this pace you will cum too soon, and you want to finish together with Felix for your first time.

Felix follows your mouth and with his free hand he timidly brushes your left breast, staring at the way it bounces with every thrust of your hips on his hand. It looks mesmerized by the way your body moves and gets wet over him, preparing itself to welcome him inside even if he doesn't properly know what to do.

With a low grunt, you force yourself to stop your thrusts and you peck Felix on his tumid, soft lips. His hand falls uselessly on his hip while you balance your body on his waist to finally get rid of your last piece of clothing, throwing the filmsy shirt of your pajamas away.

Felix looks at your naked body as he if he was admiring a painting and, despite of your confidence, you find yourself blushing a little under his devoted gaze. You dreamt about this moment so much, pondering that it would never come, and now it feels almost surreal to have Felix all for you as you always wanted.

"I love you, Felix." You whisper lovingly, a tear stuck on the corner of your eye. "I love you so much."

And Felix beams. His eyes, watery with pleasure, lit up and bring a smile to his beautiful face, the face that you wished you could caress and claim as yours for so many years. "I am yours, noona. Please, make me yours." He murmurs softly.

You kiss him again, and it's hungrier this time, even more than the kisses you already shared. And then the kissing melts into licking, and then into biting, until Felix's hand finds your waist and then falls to cup your ass.

"I need you out of these clothes in 10 seconds." You mutter with a breathy sound, and Felix is fervent to obey, quickly getting rid of his pants and underwear and throwing his pink hoodie away, far from you.

When you crawl back into his lap, Felix is sitting on the couch. You find your place on his legs, straddling him until you are face to face and you can hear the sweet sound of his erratic breathing against your ear.

"I want to do it like this." You breathe out, gently nipping at his lips and then placing a small kiss at the corner of his mouth. "Wanna see you."

Felix sighs and his aching cock, now finally free from the constriction of his pants, throbs against your lower belly, spurting a gush of precum which dribbles into your navel. "I can't believe this is really happening." He hiccups, pleasure making his head feel dizzy.

You smile fondly. "Me neither." And you bring your hand down, resting your hot palm over his shaft and giving pressure until you are dragging the skin of his cock up and down. Felix melts with a breathy mewl.

Felix has a perfect cock, you think, and then you say it out loud. "You have a perfect cock, baby."

Felix gasps and he throws his head back, hitting the cushion of the couch. You can see that his face is flushed with arousal and embarassment, and that makes you feel lightheaded.

"So perfect," you continue, playing with your fingers and bringing your thumb to the engorged tip, smearing the thick droplets of precum all along his aching muscle until you graze his balls. "Perfect size, perfect girth, perfect color. You know how pretty your cock is, baby? Not too long, but chubby. I love it."

"Noona," Felix sighs painfully, thighs parting under your weight to give you more space. He looks fucked up, and you barely touched him.

"I want to play with it forever," you say, picking up your pace and jerking him fully. "And I will do it. I will touch this sweet cock all day long, making it cum so many times, making it feel so so so good."

"Please, please, please." Felix keens and throbs again on your hand, now hard as a rock and trying to stay as still as he can.

"It looks so tasty, too. Wanna slurp it in one bite." You whisper as you swirl your index on the slit of his cockhead and Felix lets out the sweetest groan you could imagine. It's so easy to pleasure him, and he responds to you so well.

"But not now," you reassure him. "Now I need you inside of me. Need you as deep as you can. Need you to be mine."

Felix forces his eyes open and his hands grip into the underside of your thighs, bringing you closer to him. You cross your arms behind his neck, slotting your lips together once again because you just can't get enough of Felix's breathy moans as you bring him to the edge with you.

"Noona, I don't, ah– I don't have a condom." He urges to tell you when you circle your hips against him and his tip catches the entrance of your pussy.

"We don't need a condom. I am on the pill, and I am clean." You pull away to mouth at Felix's neck, and you suck at the column until you are gliding your mouth over his Adam's apple. "And you are too, obviously. Don't worry about that, sweetheart. I need to feel you all hard and raw inside of me."

You kiss Felix again, breaths coming out in restless wisps, hips frantic. "Can you take it?" you ask against his lips, your right hand gripping Felix's wet cock. Felix nods, gulping loudly. With your arm reached behind you and your head dipped forward, you slap the tip against your cunt, eyes never leaving his face.

Felix swallows, and you can feel his heart racing as you nudge his cockhead against your heath, pussy clenching and unclenching for pleasure. You look at him in the eyes for one last time, and then you sink.

When Felix's tip breeches, you whimper at the stretch with you head lolled to the side. You push your hips down, taking Felix's chubby cock slowly until you’re seated on it. And, with his cock fully inside, Felix groans and tears finally spill from his eyes, wetting his cheeks and rolling down to his chin.

"Ah– oh, God, please! P-ple eh e-ease." He cries as he grips your hips so tight that he is gonna leave marks.

"Easy, baby. Easy." You pant, eyes rolling on your skull at the way the head of his cock presses perfectly on your spongy spot. Felix's tongue lolls out from his mouth, and you take the tip between your lips, suckling lightly on it before lifting your hips up and then slamming back again.

"It's too tight, too tight, too w-wet," Felix sobs, a dribble of saliva forming a tiny bubble at the top of his upper lip. You lower your head to look at the way you are taking Felix to the brim, his swollen balls resting on the curve of your ass, and you let out a lewd sound at the view.

But it's not enough, because this is Felix's first time, and you just know from the way he is trembling that he is not gonna last long, the poor angel he is. You played with him a bit too long considering his inexperience, and now you can feel him twitching inside of you, bringing you close as well with just a few pumps.

"I know, baby, I know. You feel so fucking good too. You fill me so well, look." And you take one of the hands that are gripping your hips, making it slide against your pussy to let him feel the point were you two are connected.

Felix grasps the base of his cock with his wrist and he tries to push it even deeper inside of your wet heath with a loud groan. "It's so, s-so good." He repeats mindlessly.

You gather all of your strength, gripping into Felix's shoulders in front of you and letting you knees carry your weight as you finally begin to ride his cock. You raise your ass up just to feel the tip catch at your rim only to force back down, fast and hard.

"Noona, ah– noona!" Felix grunts out, "F-fuck, I can't, I c-can't!"

At a particularly deep thrust, Felix cries out again, a slew of filthy words and many slurred versions of your name coming out of his red, juicy lips.

"Baby, Felix, baby." You moan, letting yourself fall against his chest and beginning to move your hips in circles. You feel his cock hitting deliciously at your cervix and your clit rubbing on Felix's hip bone.

"I lo-oh-ove you." Unable to help it, Felix begins to thrust up quickly, grinding his cock inside of you and smashing his warm cheek against your shoulder, as you involuntarily squeeze your walls around his shaft.

You are trying to make this last a little bit more, but a tight coil of pleasure starts to form in your lower belly, and Felix's heavy and raspy whines tell you that he is in your same conditions. "Feels so good, sweetheart. So thick and hot, you are making me cum, ah– so quick." You blabber, head feeling floaty. "Are you close too? Tell me you are close. Wanna come with you."

Felix hiccups and his thrusts become messy and erratic, cock leaking inside of you as you clench around him. "Close, close, s-so close." He picks you up by your thighs to throw you onto his cock as if you were weightless. "Can I, ah a-ahhh, w-where can I–?" he sobs out with every thrust.

"Inside, Lix, my love. Cum inside," you praise him. "So good to me. So good." And you whine as Felix fucks desperately into you, a thick layer of sweat on his freckled skin.

Two more pushes are what it takes to have your pussy clenching hard and tight around Felix, and as your clit rubs one last time against his pubic bone, your eyes roll backwards and you cum with a filthy long moan, flooding Felix's cock with your juices.

As the orgasm hits you, you smash your lips against Felix's and suffocate your whines on his mouth. As soon as Felix feels you pulsing around his drooly cock, you see him going cross-eyed. Then, he pushes almost violently into your heath and comes with one final, deep smash of his cock, filling you up.

Voice hoarse with pleasure and a little out of breath, Felix moans softly, face finding its comforting place in the crook of your neck. "I love you." he whispers.

You both stay silent for a couple of minutes, and you loll your head to the side to huff warm breaths that tickle Felix's temples.

"How do you feel?" You asks, bringing your fingers to slowly pet Felix's damp hair. You tongue feels heavy inside your mouth, and your legs muscles sting. But you are happy.

"I feel like I waited for this moment for my entire life." Felix's words are slow and shy, despite of what just happened between the two of you. You can feel him chuckling against your shoulder. "I still have to process what is going on."

"We have time." You murmur, kissing his forehead and hugging him lovingly, keeping him safe in your arms. "Now we have all the time in the world."

Felix smiles. The room is not dark anymore.

©️ jilixthinker, 2024. please do not copy, translate, or republish my works anywhere.

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blueysobssesions · 4 months ago

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HSR MEN VOICE LINES ABOUT YOU

Characters: Dan Heng, Sampo, Mr.Welt, Gepard, Argenti

Dan Heng

"I don't mind you asking about my relationship with Y/N, but it's complicated. You see, I care deeply for them. I've never felt this way about anyone before. But my past keeps coming back to haunt me. It's like a dark cloud hanging over my head, and I don't want to put Y/N in danger because of it."

"I've tried to push Y/N away, to protect them from the dangers my past presents. But every time I do, it feels like I'm tearing apart a part of myself. I know it's selfish, but I can't help but want to be with them. Even at the risk of putting them in harm's way, I can't bring myself to let them go." "Sometimes I feel like it would be better for them if they left me. But there's a part of me that desperately wants to keep them around."

Sampo

“She’s something special, that’s for sure..” “When I first met her, I was just doing my usual routine and scamming some people. And then I ran into her and…oh boy.” “From the very first time I started talking to her…I instantly knew she was different. No one else in the Overworld or the Underground caught my attention like she did…” “I spent more and more time with her and I got to know her more and more. And I just..I don’t know how to explain it. There was something about her that just drew me in. I don’t know if it was her personality or if it was just the way she was so effortlessly charming, but I just started feeling this weird feeling in my chest every time I would be around her..”

Welt Yang

"It's... hard to describe our relationship. We didn't start as anything. We bonded, we grew, and we slowly fell in love over time."

"It sounds cliche, but we just... feel at home when we're with each other. That's the simplest way to describe it."

"What's so special about her?"

"There's lots of special things about her. I could talk for hours if I wanted to, but I'll summarize it in two main traits: She is kind to a fault, even towards those who do her wrong.

She's very, very stubborn."

Gepard

"Ah... where do I start..... well we've been a relationship for a while now, we enjoy doing lot's of stuff together, such as eating, walking around the city, sometimes I take her to train a bit, but she really doesn't have a talent for it, I take her to dates from time to time...." "I love her.... very much...." "I.... there are so many things I like about her. She's very kind, she's funny, has a nice sense of humor, she very attractive-" "She's perfect... for me... I can't really imagine my life without her....."

Argenti

"I have a deep affection for y/n. I admire their strength and determination, and their beauty makes my heart race." "W-well, whenever I look at them, it's as if time around me stops, all I can focus on is them. Whenever I hear their voice, my heart leaps, I feel like I'm going to lose my mind... a-and whenever they touch me, my skin tingles..." "It's as if... my whole world revolves around them..."

^REBLOG W/ COMMENTS AND I WILL MAKE A PART 2^

MASTERLIST!!!!!!!!!!

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trans-androgyne · 2 months ago

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For the person in my inbox worried about becoming transmisogynistic in the middle of this discourse, as they notice themselves becoming defensive when hearing trans women discuss transmisogyny nowadays: first, I'm sorry your ask disappeared when I was working on responding to it, this is the best I can do from here </3

But more importantly: I get it, I really do. I'll tell you about how I handle it. I used to check the transmisogyny tag daily with the intent of better understanding and supporting trans women and fems, but had to stop for my own wellbeing. Just scrolling for a minute would force me to see so many people who absolutely despise trans men and mascs, considering us the oppressors to punch up at. They'd misrepresent our theory and experiences, claim we had things easy, generalize and stereotype about us, and so many other hurtful things. Almost every single time I would go to reblog any post about transmisogyny from there (and I do mean on literally all but two occasions), I would check the person's blog and find out they would shittalk "transandrobros" and "tme trans people" and attribute the systemic transmisogyny they were discussing to us as though we had just as much power as cis folks. I was given a lot of reasons to feel put on the defense, and I noticed myself start to prepare myself for an internal argument every time I opened the tags. That's when I realized I needed to step away from those discussions for now, at least on tumblr. It is simply not a good environment to learn about transmisogyny in. Instead, for that I am turning to 1) academic resources (e.g. A Short History of Trans Misogyny) and 2) trans women in my life I trust. I suggest you do something similar. It's important to learn about transfem issues, but it is very much not your responsibility to listen to every hateful tumblr user. If you can find trans women who discuss transmisogyny on here while also believing us about transandrophobia, I will be overjoyed for you.

This is something important to think about. People of all genders are in fact being radicalized in this discourse. Someone I hated just became a full TERF! And as I've mentioned, there are far too many radfem leaning trans women and transfems who become not only defensive but actively hateful and mask off bigoted when hearing us talk about our oppression. It's too common in the trans community right now. It doesn't make you a bad person to notice defensiveness. It just means something needs to change. Be sure not to end up associating trans women in general with discourse; engage with trans women and fems outside that, whether it be friends and acquaintances, their art/music/etc, funny content, cute stories, anything. Listen about transmisogyny when it is the right time and place. See trans women and fems as your beloved sisters and siblings first and foremost, and work on what you need from there.

#long post #transandrophobia #trans/misogyny #intracommunity issues tag #mine

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geopsych · 9 months ago

Note

re: the tumblr ai stuff, please don’t wipe your blog!! your blog has been so important to me and many others as a place of authentic light and beauty and i would hate to lose it forever 💕

there is a way to download the contents of a tumblr blog (it’s in settings, i don’t remember rn, but i’ll find it if you need it) maybe you could upload to another site or a personal site?

i know this is very serious, and i hate how we are unwillingly contributing to synthetic art, but the world would be poorer for me without your pictures <3

Thank you. Your words mean a lot to me.

This is a dilemma for me. I have loved doing this blog and going out to look for pictures and interesting things to bring here has given me motivation and meaning through years of struggle with depression and several kinds of grief. Going out to look for pictures has put me in situations where I have seen incredible beauty, much of which I never really managed to capture. Also, the many warm and kind messages I've received from people all over the world have given me heart and made me feel less meaningless as a person and more connected. Sometimes I've been criticized for buying the checkmarks and giving money to Tumblr but I wanted to do what I could because Tumblr has been my one happy and safe place online. But now this. To me AI in relation to creativity is just a way for well-to-do but untalented people, the proverbial tech bros, to profit from other people's hard work and creativity. It has no redeeming value in relation to creativity and is actively harmful to artists of all kinds. <trying to figure out how to put a read more link here> I don't even count myself among the real creatives, artists and writers and others who have worked hard and put years into honing their crafts, into learning to translate their hearts and unique spirits into their creative expression. I just see beautiful things and take pictures of them. But it would still make me sick to see AI works based on my pictures, on these times and places that have meant so much to me. Recently I saw a set of cat 'photos' on here that everyone was reblogging and exclaiming over but that to me seemed to just be AI art that was more convincing than most. As time goes on more and more output of AI is going to be almost indistinguishable from real works and unscrupulous people will pass them off as real, getting credit for what was actually created by others. Whether they profit from them becomes almost irrelevant at that point because what's worse is that we will have less and less sense of what is real. And as some have pointed out AI will now also be scraping from AI, muddying the waters further from here on in. This is an apocalypse of sorts, an apocalypse of creativity, ultimately likely to kill the joy of artistic endeavor for many who would otherwise produced brilliant, beautiful, funny, and/or shockingly original things. I'm still parsing and dissecting my thoughts and feelings about what Tumblr has done and how to react. Staying and leaving my blog up feels like consent. I am not confident in the integrity of anyone connected with scraping sites for AI. I'm not convinced that a little toggle in settings is going to make much of a difference in the long run. On the other hand I like posting here and I have received enough messages over the years to know that my blog is a positive influence on some lives. I was looking forward to May and June and posting pictures of the incredible beauty of eastern Pennsylvania in those months. And I was planning on making a side blog for posting some poetry I've been working on. It will break my heart to leave.

I haven't decided yet. Believe it or not this whole thing has given me awful physical symptoms. I'll let you know when I decide. Thank you again for your kind and lovely note!

#ask #ai #tumblr #thank you #sigh #the whole you’ve already been assaulted so you may as well stay and be assaulted more isn’t the great argument you think it is

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fernlessbastard · 1 year ago

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So, what's the deal with this tnt duo art?

I've explained it in my reblog of this post, but I've decided to copy this over to a brand new post as well, because especially with qsmp happening I'm sure we have many newer people here who don't get what's the deal with this piece

Ok so first off: the artist is _olga.exe_ on Instagram (I think also on twitter but i don't use Twitter so you'll have to check that one yourself)

To the best of my understanding this art just came out around June 2021, which was immediately after the first Revivedbur/Quackity interaction. The first two or so months the ship was exclusively seen as a crack ship - I'm not fully certain why, I think it's just that quackbur before wasn't all that known and popular, so it seemed like it came out of nowhere to the majority of the internet (which, it didn't, holy shit, those sluts have been so gay with each other for so long). It also was a time when most people only began realising that ccQuackity was capable of serious lore, which most likely added to how the ship was seen. Even I myself actually was very hesitant to bring it up to my partner, when I began slowly getting into it - of course while simultaneously deluding myself that it's nothing more than a crack ship for me (@octobre-ackedia oh would you look at how we ended up--).

This art was one of the first pieces that were fully serious, and couldn't be construed in any way shape or form as /p, so it got picked up by people on twitter and memed on. Around September 2021 tntblr began reclaiming it (and if I remember correctly we had a boom of posts sharing the original artist about that time).

In this surge of new people beginning to ship those two that's been happening for the past year or so, I need you all to remember that quackbur started off first as a very underground ship that almost no-one spoke of, and then became a crack ship. The header on my blog doesn't come from a "ha ha funny" self deprecating meme. #twquackburshipping was a tag that someone seriously used to tag a post about how Eret commented on some tntduo/r tiktok.

I get how easy it is to forget how anti-mainstream of a ship quackbur used to be (or simply miss that, if you're newer - which, for the record, no shame, I'm happy to see the new faces!), considering ccQuackity's endorsement of it in the last months of dsmp, not to mention what's happening on qsmp, but all those "omg I'm a quackbur shipper ha ha don't hate me ha I'm cringe I know" jokes used to genuinely not be jokes something like 1,5 years ago.

I hope this explains it thoroughly, and to everyone a little bit newer to the ship: welcome! Glad to see you here, remember to have fun, and if you've got any questions, feel free to ask me :]]

#tnt duo #tntblr #tntduo #quackbur #c!quackbur #wilbur soot #quackityhq #wilbur #quackity #dsmp #dream smp #support art #revivedbur #qsmp

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spockandawe · 2 months ago

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Oh, this is interesting. To me. I'm not sure it's interesting to anyone else! But I'm on my computer for once and FULL of words again, and I'm delighted to talk to myself given half an excuse.

So, I made a post about Long Live Evil! Because I cracked open the book and was absolutely taken aback by how transparently it seemed to be an SVSSS reskin. I wrote up a goodreads thing (it's whatever, I'm going to rehash the main points here too), because I was also full of words and beans after finishing the book yesterday, and after polling online friends, I was surprised to see that the comparison didn't seem to have organically occurred to anyone else, when it was so naked to me. I know there’s a TON of transmigration and isekai stories out in the universe, and pointing at one single book was a big claim, so I just had to assemble all my thoughts! I find this so interesting! And I reblogged my initial one-off post with a little more elaboration about some of the things that jumped out at me, then got on with live and went back to chipping at ORV and GHG, and shotgunned MADK this afternoon.

This is a subtle nod and a wink to my passionate love for these kind of... morally grey main characters! Calling them villains might be a bit much, I don't think there are many true villain protagonists out there (LLE included), and even Devil Venerable has a demonic cultivator who's doing demonic shit and killing loads of people... but with the ultimate balance of the heavens and earth as his priority. This kind of story is my jam. I was recced this book on the basis of transmigration and sketchy protagonists being my thing. I can't rightfully call SVSSS the best cnovel I've ever read, but it is my favorite. And I've probably reread it more times than any other cnovel.

So, that SRB post, huh? I put Long Live Evil behind me, and honestly even following up on the sequel is mmmmmdoubtful, but THIS snagged my attention again. First, the comparisons she's calling out as incorrect are wild to me. Draco and Harry? What? Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian?? (I had to ponder that one for a hot minute, but I bet you anything it's about 'the golden cobra' and 'the last hope' and that's just silly, they're not wangxian, they're MOSHANG)

I was recced LLE in one friend group, but I had an anti-rec from my book club friend group. My book club friend hadn't been at all impressed by it! And she's cool, and I talk up svsss and mxtx to that crowd every so often, without really expecting them to read it. I talk about transmigration as a plot device that I love, and the things that can be done with it! But with that connection in mind between the books, as I started LLE, I was jokingly defending the honor of SVSSS to this crowd, so I admit I was primed to recognize similarities.

I really truly did not make it far in the book before locking it down. I was getting vibes basically from the moment Rae started gushing about her problematic fictional fave, I referenced 95% certainty shortly after she makes the jump to the fictional universe, the golden cobra was 98%, Lia Mingyan's, I mean Liu Mingyan's lack of sex scenes was 99%, and the first pov section for Marius-jun was where I gave up and called it as a sure thing.

It'll be very funny if I'm wrong! I don't think I'm wrong.

Plenty of spoilers to follow, because I identified this inspiration early, I guessed basically every plot twist early, I don't have the patience to dance around spoilers while explaining how it all lines up.

Now, I said this elsewhere, but it bears repeating: I don't think this is plagiarism. I think it's tasteless to accuse an author of stealing and repurposing characters to her face. But I think it's also tasteless to repurpose characters as nakedly as happened here! Again? If I'm wrong? That's why I'm talking to myself on my blog and not messaging her directly (?????? who even does that). What are the stakes for me being wrong here? I look like a clown online? That would be terrible, I've never done that before! It's not a crime to write in ways I find distasteful. It's not a crime to write a book I think is not good, even apart from the use of fictional influences. But I like talking about my feelings online, and I can't be stopped!

But there's two aspects of this that make me somewhat uncomfortable in a less fun way. Both are contingent on the big IF. If this is inspired by svsss, I think it's not a classy move to take a Chinese story in a Chinese setting, inspired by the modern Chinese literary scene and classical Chinese fantasy, and just dump the characters into a generic western setting. Fanfic? Have fun and try to be respectful. Profic, making money off it? Ehhhhh. The question of how much change is necessary is a tricky one! It's not one I'm equipped to answer, this is not my wheelhouse or my place to speak. But it doesn't make me feel good!

However, here's where I have more personal stake:

Again, if this is inspired by svsss. It really doesn't feel great to see a queer story (a smash hit in more than one country!) stripped down for parts and made into a heterosexual story. It's not all heterosexual, we get side lesbians, we get men with homoerotic tension. But the central ship is now a guy and a girl. And it... stings a little extra, because in the story of svsss, the idea of assumptions about default (hetero)sexuality are such a central theme. A queer man has written a trashy, oversexed stallion novel where the hottest guy in the universe collects the hottest women like pokemon, and it sells so much better than the more personal stories he tried to write. He has to write this pandering trash to make money to live, he can't live on the more authentic stories he tried to tell before. The protagonist is the projection of his own insecurities and self-hate, and the protagonist's right hand man is his projection of his own ideal man. Another man transmigrates into the book, assuming that he himself is straight, assuming the protagonist is straight, and the force of their love changes the course of the entire narrative. In retrospect, it's upsetting to see those load-bearing themes casually carved out of the story and the hollowed-out remains used like this.

Anyways, in their place, now we've got running gags about how the heroine's tits are BIGHUGE now and she can't keep her balance because her GIANT HONKERS keep tipping her over.

I'm a little more bothered than I was yesterday! On the other hand, since I saw SRB's post, I've been chewing on that central ship. Full disclosure, it was one of my favorite aspects of the novel! My other favorite aspect is the dynamic between the golden cobra and the last hope (the moshang, which I think some people misdiagnosed as wangxian).

I know that the central ship here is the thing that's LEAST comparable to svsss, and the biggest roadblock in the way of my theory. On the other hand, I think it was the thing that HAD to change if this story was going to repurpose svsss without getting called out for being a classic 'bro can i copy your homework' adventure.

For this section, let's assume that I'm right and let's roleplay an author trying to figure out how to change Bingqiu into something not-obviously-Bingqiu. How do we need to differentiate Rae and Key from Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe.

First, we eliminate the martial sect thing. Easy peasy! That's a wuxia concept, and this book goes full nondescript western fantasy. She's not his teacher, he's not her student. And if she's not his teacher and he's not her student, why does this woman have power over this man, to build up the resentment that inspires him to turn the tables on her later? Well, in nondescript western fantasy, she's a noblewoman of some kind, and he's a servant of some kind. Noble lady treats servant like garbage, servant resents her. Doing great.

And to loop back around to the beginning of this a little, I think it really is key to this reskinning that Rae is a SHE. If the central ship remained queer, it would be so, so hard to pull away from the most identifiable thematic aspects of svsss. And pieces of what remain are... kind of bizarre for a normie heterosexual ship where our protagonist is aware that she's transmigrated into an impossibly desirable sexpot character!

Shen Qingqiu never considers that Luo Binghe might be interested in him because Luo Binghe is about to have a HAREM of beautiful women, he's the most heterosexual man of all time, and Shen Qingqiu is straight too! Besides, Shen Qingqiu is his teacher! He half-raised Luo Binghe! Even if Luo Binghe was bent, he wouldn't be interested in an old man like Shen Qingqiu!

Rae is 20, occupying a 24-year-old body. Her character's sexiness is relentlessly remarked upon from start to finish. Key is 18. Why is Rae so sure that he looks up to her as... a mentor, as an older woman? He almost goes down on her! He makes out with her! And she's like 'ah yes, it means nothing. lol. so funny how these things happen.' Bruh, at least after Luo Binghe kissed Shen Qingqiu, Shen Qingqiu finally got hit with the clue stick. Binghe didn't try to blow him only for Shen Qingqiu to keep noodling on about how Binghe definitely isn't into him in any sense, even the most oblivious man in the universe managed to catch on.

Why doesn’t Rae think there’s any chance of genuine attraction here? Yeah, I get that she's coming back from terminal cancer. She's doing great. She knows that the fictional character she occupies is one of the most desirable ladies in the land. He’s a teenager. He’s not expressing disinterest. A lack of horny for sexy lady ought to be more surprising for her. But I guess she’s slightly older than him and that small age gap has been magnified by the transmigration, so she conceptualizes herself only as his teacher, I mean mentor.

I’m not even mad at this dynamic. I love their chemistry, the ‘boss’ thing is cute, but lordt, I have to wonder if it’s meant to substitute for ‘shizun.’ But you know where this comparison really falls apart? Key isn’t really THAT much Luo Binghe.

At least, he isn’t in terms of personality. I mean, we’ve got the mysterious magical heritage, the healing factor, the unbeatable fighting skills, being beaten repeatedly because of the protagonist (tbh it’s sexier when she’s responsible, rather than just being a bystander), being yeeted into the abyss, I mean the ravine, to rise again and assume power as the merciless ruler of all the land. Oh, and he comes back from the dead still bearing the scar that represents her betrayal. In the original novel, he turned on her the moment he got his opening and was responsible for coming up with her gruesome torment.

(Also, Shen Qingqiu being terminally ill isn’t canon, but it’s very popular fanon, and it’s hard to ignore that with how hard the narrative lingers over Rae’s terminal illness as her gateway into this fictional world)

But! But the things that are different! Luo Binghe is a smart and sweet teenager, who had a rough start on the streets and has a tragically deceased single adoptive parent, but that’s their only backstory parallel, he doesn’t blacken until he’s thrown into the abyss. Not like Key, Key is a murder-happy sociopath, a former street kid who fought the odds and made good, and who’s a lot sharper and cleverer than the upper classes think someone like him should be. He utterly destroyed a righteous cultivator clan, I mean glassblowing guild, for the sake of revenge. Once our heroine scores a number of trust points with him, we unlock secret backstory about how as a small child, he experienced deeply formative hand trauma.

He’s Xue Yang.

It took me a moment to process the wangxian allegations SRB mentions in her post, because I was trying to figure out how someone would be aware of wangxian, and read that backstory, and somehow miss it. But it’s fine, I’m pretty sure they were actually talking about the golden cobra and the last hope! So LET’S TALK MOSHANG.

It was so funny. I was liveblogging the book to friends, because honestly, I do not jive with the buffy-esque joss whedon relentless quip-quip-quip writing style. I was struggling to stay engaged when the narrative never took a moment to breathe. And I perked up at the introduction of this new character! He seemed kind of fun, kind of meta, Key came over to share Secret Info with him, and I messaged the friend who recced this to me (also an svsss appreciator) ‘lol, what if he’s shang qinghua. just straight from svsss shang qinghua.'

Reader, a second transmigrator has hit the narrative.

Now, in some ways, he’s a disappointment to me. He’s not nearly as interesting as Shang Qinghua. Adding the author to their own narrative is way more fascinating to me than just dropping a rando into the story. But I’ll take what I can get, I think multiple transmigrators are almost always a fun decision. And for the queer reasons I mentioned above, I think Shang Qinghua ties into the themes of his novel a lot more strongly than Eric does here. I don’t want to call him ‘the golden cobra’ every time, I get more self-conscious every time I write it. And honestly, the reveal of Eric’s full Eric Whatever name feels a little awkward and… pointed compared to the sheer opacity of Shang Qinghua’s existence. Never mind what his name was in the real world, we don’t even know his name before he was a Peak Lord. I’m not upset we got a name or anything, it would make certain fannish activities a lot easier if Shang Qinghua had additional canon names, but it was an interesting detail in light of how parallel the characters are.

Okay! He’s not the author! He’s still a super-fan. He transmigrated into the book years before the LLE main character, and has settled in pretty well. According to canon as Rae knows it, he’s fated to be killed by his own favorite character. He’s fast-thinking and fast-talking, and scattered and all over the place, but dangerous when cornered and more competent than he looks. He deals in information and manages a network of spies. He’s a creative! He and the main character banter relentlessly and get along like a house on fire. He and the king’s trusted ice-cold right hand man share a weird codependent dynamic that’s part hostile, part homoerotic.

Marius has complicated feelings about not-shang-qinghua. Eric is a coward, he’d rather talk fast and lie than stand up for anything, he cowers and cringes and isn’t honorable. He and Mobei-jun also shared a deeply formative experience in their youth, where as a teenager in distress, Eric/Shang Qinghua appeared before them and announced their devotion. In Shang Qinghua’s case, it was offering to serve him (and saving him from huan hua injuries), and in Eric’s case, it was declaring him to be his favorite character (and saving him from sad teenaged isolation), but man. And in the end, after a long, fraught relationship, Marius/Mobei-jun is furious and strangely distraught when Eric/Shang Qinghua abandons him.

Guys, it’s not wangxian.

I think it hits less hard when Marius’s themes of family violence aren’t allowed to sit directly in the narrative, and when it seems like some vague berserker rage thing rather than Linguang-jun just bluntly wanting to murder him for practical reasons, but hey! This was still, genuinely, one of my favorite parts of the story. I wanted more more more of them, I would read this moshang au any day.

After that, the parallels get a little more nebulous! The comparisons between the abyss and the ravine are pretty obvious. I’m not sure why we decided to build our city and palace right on top of the pit of people-eating ghouls rather than literally anywhere else, but it means we don’t need to take a special field trip to Jue Di Gorge, which means we can do the bait and switch where it turns out Key was a heavenly demon all along. The temperamental King Octavian, the young master of the palace, one might even say the xiao gongzhu if they were feeling spicy, jealously tries to romantically monopolize half our main ship and has the other half flogged with a magic whip.

I already mentioned that Rae brings up that Liu Mingyan — wait, I said I’d change some answers so it wasn’t obvious I copied — Lia doesn’t get a sex scene in the books even though loads of other people did, just like Shen Qingqiu praises Liu Mingyan for her untouchable image in such an oversexed, gratuitous book. I don’t think it would be right to call Liu Mingyan a white lotus heroine in either SVSSS or PIDW, but her archetype is in that wheelhouse, and Lia is just a white lotus rival played straight (and played deliberately, another touch I liked). We don’t have made up animals like black moon rhinoceros pythons in LLE, but we do have leucrotas, which are like a lion and a hyena and serve no narrative purpose.

Oh, you know what else I forgot to mention? Rae gives Key one of her red ruby earrings, and he refuses to sell it, and stubbornly holds onto it until the bitter end. Is this Xue Yang holding onto the last piece of candy Xiao Xingchen gave him, or is it Hua Cheng determinedly keeping Xie Lian’s red coral earring with him even through his own death? Por que no los dos?

There are things that are original in here. I know that this presentation undersells how much of the book is original. The trouble is, almost everything I thought was good is something that either was lifted from another person’s creative endeavors, or is being tainted by association with all the other naked lifts. Some of the noble ladies have an archery contest! That’s pretty new and fresh, huh? We didn’t have any archery contests in SVSSS!

Yeah, but we sure did in MDZS. And MDZS is already in play, because we’ve already got one character who’s just copy and paste Xue Yang.

There’s a thermocline of trust in this book that fell off for me sharply, and it turned a lot of this into a guessing game of ‘wait NOW what the refrance? owo'

I’m probably on a hair trigger by now, but I’ve also probably missed some things. And I’m sure this is a synthesis of multiple influences, because most stories are. But this feels like cooking and trying to season your dish with a little salt and then the container lid just falls off.

Emer isn’t a clear parallel to an existing character! Love that for her! Love a lady with an axe, especially if she gets a nice girlfriend! On the other hand, in terms of backstory? Wow, she’s been raised with our protagonist since early childhood, as not-quite-foster-siblings, but she was always the clear unfavorite and harbors a lot of resentment over that. Oh, and once Rae entered the story, Rae started trying to speedrun an enemies to 'hello hiiii we should bestiessss' arc with her. I think she had to have an axe, because a whip or a sword would make the Jiang Cheng and/or Liu Qingge vibes a little uncomfortably strong. She doesn’t follow their character arcs! But the disappointing thing is that it felt like she was just there to facilitate pasting the frankenstein patchwork of the narrative together rather than having an arc of her own.

(why did Marius stop to give her a sword lesson? Why did she immediately sneak onto the roof to eavesdrop on the king?? It’s hard to give her credit for being an original character when none of her original actions make sense in the greater universe)

Oh, I almost forgot, we’ve even got magic plot macguffin plants. While Binghe is in the abyss, Shen Qingqiu needs to get the Sun And Moon Dew Flower Seed so he can build an escape hatch for himself before Binghe wrecks his shit. Rae, on the other hand, needs to secure the Flower of Life and Death by an arbitrary deadline as an escape hatch so she can go back to her original life rather than being trapped here forever. Very different! There’s even little side tangents about how these plants can be so beneficial to others, Zhuzhi-lang is desperately trying to secure a seed to build a new body for Tianlang-jun (which Shen Qingqiu enables him to do, despite not knowing what he wants it for), and Rae thinks about how the flower could “save someone on the very doorstep of death,” and gives it away for that exact purpose. So different!

I need to cut myself off, otherwise I’ll keep going. Truly, there is original content in here. It was just all the stuff I didn’t like. The character quipping was. God. There sure was a lot of it! By sheer volume, that’s a lot of original content. Some of the extended cast was interesting, I enjoyed the Horrors and their brothers, I liked Valencia. Now, I didn’t like how basically every girl ADULT WOMAN in this cast was in shitty teen mean girl mode. I didn’t like how immature every character interaction period was. I lost track of how many times Rae was going around in sexy clothes and rando servants were like “HARLOT,” out loud about a favored noblewoman, you know, as you do. Especially when her bodyguard is pulling against his choke chain just waiting for an excuse to do a murder. I don’t need Rae to be the picture of flawless maturity. But nobody is mature, full stop, not even the set dressing servants.

For a less loaded example, the cumplane friendship dynamic is here, practically intact. Shen Qingqiu can't snipe about authorial choices, because Eric isn't the author, so instead Rae and Eric squabble about favorite scenes and favorite ships and such. But it isn't nearly as charming when we don't see these two characters dropping their dignified Peak Lord cultivator roleplay to talk shit with each other. Rae and Eric never have a filter once in this book. They are always Like This, it isn't a secret face that gets unlocked when they're bouncing off each other, they are never circumspect, never have a filter, never have any idea they shouldn't be speaking their full thoughts at full volume 24/7. Even after this starts to have material consequences when they're inevitably overheard! It's an immersion-breaking level of immaturity, which is terribly frustrating when the original dynamic that I loved is only changed in such minor ways.

And another thing that actually tastes way more sour than it did on first reading – Valencia is probably the least mean girl of all the women in the cast. She’s delightful. Too bad that in every scene but her last one, Rae, who repeatedly references her own experiences having her body and appearance ravaged by cancer, cannot for love or money stop talking about how uggo Valencia is.

I know this is an adult novel. The characters are, by age, adults. There’s almost an oral scene. God, I wish we’d gotten the oral scene. But by every other metric, the characters are all high schoolers and I’m an exhausted adult muttering to myself ‘they’ll grow out of it, please GOD let them grow out of it.’

Again, none of this is a crime! Nobody forced me to finish the book! And I did enjoy the book. Parts of it! But that very distinct partial enjoyment experience almost forced me to dissect my own emotional response. And truly, other than a few flashes like Valencia, almost everything I enjoyed about the book was something I could trace directly back to one author, and mostly to one book by that one author. I… enjoyed half of the book. And if I can track most of that half back to mxtx and svsss, I really think that says something about how much wasn’t done to make the inspiration behind this book the author’s own.

It's disappointing! I read this book because I like svsss, I read it because I want more books like svsss, I read it because I trawl the novelupdates tags looking for more books that will hit me the way svsss did. It doesn’t taste good to be served reheated svsss with expired buffy sauce drizzled on top. It tastes even less good once I have a minute to think about what turning an m/m meditation on sexuality and self-image and assumptions about others into a m/f snooze does to the themes I loved so much. It stings to see an author rehash a book that was/is so important to me, and see what they kept and what they threw out, and be like ‘oh, so… these were the elements that mattered to you?’

Again, I hate to be redundant with this, but. I think calling this book plagiarism would be overdoing it. I think it’s tasteless. I don’t think being tasteless is a crime. It remains wild to me that she’s getting messages calling out her supposed inspiration, even if I’m simultaneously criticizing the judgment of the people making those specific comparisons. And I ABSOLUTELY understand why she’s reluctant to own up to the specific inspirations behind this book, because good lord. If it was me, I’d be professionally embarrassed too.

It’s not my job to be the book quality police, but I think someone as experienced as this should be able to do a better job of synthesizing inspirations into something original. I dropped ‘can’t afford to offend my scheming disciple’ earlier this year, because that narrative couldn’t shake the taste of stale svsss fanfic, and it was much more subtle than this is. Once again, if I’m wrong, this post will be retroactively VERY funny and I’ll be all ears to see what her inspirations actually were. I don’t think I’m wrong.

#long live evil #long post #svsss #the scum villain's self saving system #imagine if i put all these words into more productive endeavors! crazy!

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utopiastri · 16 days ago

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hiiii!

soooo i read and reread all your f1 fics.

since they are all so effing amazing, well written, funny when needed, you must have a great taste in fics. sooo do you maybe, perhaps have any landoscar fic recommendations??

have a mega day!

-💫

hi 💫 anon!!! this was. the absolute loveliest ask to wake up to this morning so thank you SO much for sending it 💕💕💕💕💕

you are so kind and please know all of these compliments have absolutely made my day!!!!!

and GOD i would LOVE to give some landoscar fic recommendations, there is nothing i love more than talking about authors i adore

i very much started rambling about these fics so i'm putting my recs below the cut!

ok immediately we're off to a rogue start because i'm going to recommend a fic that isn't posted yet but @1425fivefive's upcoming fic Learned Behavior is just honestly going to be one of the best things you will ever read - i have been honoured to receive SO many wonderful snippets from it and every single one is just as amazing as the others and i am SO excited to see the full thing

i am legally and contractually obligated to put three-sixteenths by @ipleadbritney on here because i am actually three-sixteenths' biggest fan and as part of that it is in fact my job to make sure everyone has read one of the most DELIGHTFUL magical realism fics of all time, one that fills me with such joy every time i think about it, let alone read it

by love remembered by @lellabellas is just. i LOVE fairytales so much and the way this is such a gorgeous homage to fairytales whilst also being one of the most wonderful fanfics you will ever read is honestly just. a sign of talent of truly the highest degree!!!!

brevity is the soul of wit by a_new_anon because i absolutely have to recommend one of the absolute CUTEST texting fics i have ever read. i grinned my entire way through reading it and i cannot recommend highly enough oh my GOD

the devil in me by @its-all-papaya because who am i as a person if i'm not constantly Obsessed with the idea of jealous oscar piastri. GOD this fic has everything - including one of my favourite final lines of any fic like. ever

AND on top of all of these, because i am a firm believer in showing love and affection to tumblr drabbles as well, please have a few of my favourites of those as well:

I'll Wait (I'm Sorry) by @wanderingblindly because liquid reblogged this again recently and this version of landoscar has NOT LEFT MY BRAIN SINCE!!! i reread it and had to sit down lest i faint. concept of all time i fear!!!!!!!

fireworks - prompt by @foggieststars because every so often i think about what landoscar will be like when they're no longer teammates and then i remember it doesn't matter because i can just think about one of the Sweetest drabbles i have ever read about lando and oscar dealing with oscar leaving and i am calm again

immortal - osctober prompt by @nyoomfruits because sad immortal vampire oscar has actually been haunting me for the last month and i am still SO SAD ABOUT IT (but like. in a good way obviously)

ok i will cut myself off there but !!!!! anon thank you so much for allowing me to ramble on about all this writing i love so much!!!! and thank you again for the kind words 💕💕💕

also if anyone would like to not be tagged, please let me know!!!

#i had SO much fun putting this together oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!#thank you again anon!#fic recs #landoscar #asks #mine #💫 anon

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barbthebuilder · 6 months ago

Text

This is my parting message

I gave myself time to think and talked to some people about this and I have decided to say goodbye to y'all.

Time here has been great and I loved pretty much every second of it. However, I want to focus on my real life now. Tumblr became too big of a part of my life for my comfort. Basically, I think it will be better if I quit.

I don't regret this blog. It made me very comfortable in my identity, it educated me, it made me feel loved and brave and powerful.

But it's over.

I can't thank you enough for everything you have done for me. For every like, comment, reblog, ask, tag, message and boop.

So... this is it. This is the end. This has been such a wonderful journey :')

Special thanks to:

@our-genderfluid-experience - great place to tell your story

@genderfluid-culture-iss - Bro letting people just spill the most relatable shit ever. Loving it.

@our-queer-experience - so much good info! Educated me a lot.

@hefkerut - I just want you to know you're an incredible person and I will always remember you. Like, seriously girl. I had such a blast with ya. You also always reblog the best shit?? You rock.

@genderoftoday - always provided me with content to reblog. Also, funny.

@genderfluid-info-blog - actually, such a smart person. Gives great advice and provides us with so many microlables. Mad respect.

@mxl4vrie - THANK YOU FOR THE FANART I SOMETIMES LOOK AT IT AND SMILE :DDD

@rat0

@popcorn-plots

@aegosexual-moments - you made me realize I'm aegosexual! Thanks a lot!

@alwaysprey

@sundry-whovengerslocked

@fruityracoons - dude, you were such a great support. Thanks for always checking up on me.

@frogofalltime

@foxinasuit - you actually made me realize I want to quit lmao I'm not leaving your side tho hehehe >:)

@joker1315 - always a pleasant conversation with this one! I still remember how you helped me with all that technical stuff :)

@kodiescove - learned a lot from you

@korane06

@littlemisspipebomb

@zuuriell

@crowdsourcedgender - you are doing such a good job. Keep it up! Thank you for always being a great help.

@candy8448

@baking-potato-27

@bhawk-goose - ur so funny hehehe

@banethebloodgoat

@night-rhea

@treion-is-back - I still remember you. Good luck.

@allknowingbirb

@i-am-an-arson-enthusiast

@spacewives-in-spacetime

@queen-mihai

@a-random-mooshroom - YOOOOO you were so fun to interact with!! All the best!!

@bibirb - thanks for supporting my Yellow Dog account and being one of the first followers!

@pronouncounter - count those pronouns

@pronoun-checks - keep it up!

@ghostsofchernobyl

@that-bisexual

@slender-genderfluid - okay, I have no relation to you but I think you're cool

@hijkay

@artistic-scribbles

@frogofalltime

@thegeniusidiotnstickmerchant3728 - you are so cool and so nerdy and SO WERID I am obssesed with you and I need to study you in the laboratory or put you in a maze with traps idk I will miss you sm

And many more! I'm sure I haven't tagged everyone and I'm sorry if I missed somebody :c I appreciate you regardless!!

Goodbye! May the gender euphoria be upon ya!

#genderfluid #blog info

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stxrr-strxckk · 5 months ago

Note

hi! can you do headcanons of what is it like to date quackity in 2018/2019? your writing is really good btw 🫶🏻

Aww, ty! Gonna be honest, I don't know too much about 2018/2019 Quackity (I didn't watch him as much as I did in 2021/2022) but I'll try anyways!

You're just one click away!

(Dating 2018/19 era quackity!)

Pairing: Quackity x gn!reader

Any warnings?: Nope!

Whats that on the record player?: Hello?; Clairo

✭First off: You probably met him online. Whether that was during one of his raids, in an online chatroom, discord's got talent, or just through common interests, one things for sure: he was smitten.

✭Always calling you, texting you, inviting you to hang out, whatever you want. Anything for his princesa <3

✭Probably tells chat about you.

"Gamers, I have to confess something." Alex states dramatically. "So, there's this person, right? And they're SO cool. Like, the coolest person I know. And I need to impress them so lets make this raid turn out good, okay?"

✭You have a feeling it's you and it's a bit silly seeing him be so whipped

✭When you guys get together he's so happy he's yapping about it to all of his friends and fans.

"Gamers, remember that person I told you about? Well I finally fucking pulled them, thank god! Yeah, hide your girl 'cause I've got game over here. The people love me!"

✭Invites you to judge Discord's got talent with him and spends the entire time flirting with you.

"Okay, so you're talent is singing, correct?" Quackity asks. The contestant replies and you smile. "I love guys who sing. It's so romantic!" Alex perks up at this. "Actually, you know, I'm a pretty good singer myself. Yeah, uh, I'll actually- I'll actually serenade you guys right here. Right now. And you can see who's the better singer." He grins when he hears you and the other judges laughing at his singing. "So, how was that?" he asks when he's done. "It's gonna be a no for me." you laugh, and the other judge agrees. "What? After all that? This is crazy. You guys can't judge anymore." He laughs, kicking the other judge from the call. "Aah, don't kick me! I'm too young to die!" you joke. "Okay, fine. You're too cute to kick anyways..."

✭Also features you in raids like all the time. Lets you pick out the games he raids.

✭You two make so many roblox videos with the craziest fucking clips ever. They're titled stuff like: Roblox with my s/o is the funniest thing ever and roblox sucks way less with my s/o (kinda corny but still really cute)

✭You two play crappy games together and make fun of them in videos

✭When he gets banned from twitter and discord and other sites he has you make a cameo in his video and ask for his account back.

"Okay, so I just read the card?" you ask Alex, who's behind the camera. He nods. "But this doesn't sound like me at all." You deadpan, and he laughs, almost dropping the camera. "Just read it anyways, for the clout!" "Fine." you roll your eyes. "You're lucky I love you." you clear your throat as Alex straightens the camera and focuses the lens. "Dear twitter: please please please give my super handsome boyfriend his account back. He is too hot and too cool to be banned, and it makes me very very sad. If he remains banned I'll cry forever- Alex, this doesn't sound like me at all." you laugh. "Hey, you're not getting paid to complain!" "I'm not getting paid at all!" "Shhh, they don't know that!"

✭Overall very cute and funny. 10/10 would ship again.

A/n: first set of hcs! Hope you enjoyed, make sure to like, follow, reblog, and submit any requests!

wordcount:618

#quackity x y/n #quackity x you #quackity x reader #quackity #dsmp #mcyt #mcytblr #quackity headcannons

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sharp-rosee · 4 months ago

Note

Hey funny story: I haven't been around Tumblr at all for months, but today someone told me menalez had deactivated or something so I came on here and looked it up. First result was a post by you, i checked out your blog and wouldn't you know it your most recent post had you defending me post mortem lmfao. I sent an anon to the other woman too but it seems she won't post it so to clarify to you: when I supposedly said "studies showing violence suffered by bisexuals are cringe and useless" what I remember thinking about that is that those studies that I've seen are never used to try to understand why bisexuals suffer such insane rates of violence (more than homosexuals) and trying to stop it. I've only seen them be used as battering rams in discourse when homosexuals criticize bisexuals. Which is crazy for such a serious issue and totally trivializes it lol. Also that my explanation for it was that such studies show that many abused people incorrectly id as bi for a time. You can disagree or wtv just those were my points, she made it sound like I'm cheering on women beating if they're bi or something. Also your defense of me (thanks queen lol) is accurate if you were wondering. I used to be sorta pro strict separatism but I outgrew the anger/ denial phase of "most women will partner with men" and reached acceptance. Most people are built for romantic partnership, that's just human nature, I can't be hating het women just because their lot in life in that means they're more likely to be abused. Just because I'm not drawn to men, or even much to romance, doesn't mean I should act like that's everyone else too and judge them on that standard, I accept reality and want women to be safe within that rather than pointlessly hate on them and get all worked up because some women have boyfriends..

Well I'm also a mean asshole, I'm sure you noticed, and I definitely would give the bi girlies on radblr a hard time here at the time lol. I don't have the "one side" sort of takes on this divide on radblr. It was funny but I can't feel the energy to that anymore since leaving tumblr, way too few bis or gays irl to care about that stuff. But at the end of the day these are my actual takes on all that disk horse. Funny to see it immediately on such a causal stroll around here lol

-sleep3r4gent

QUEEN I used to follow you ♡ at least when I was crypto a few years back I did.

Also, I'm glad you clarified because the way some women on here seem to hallucinate things they read almost makes me feel insane as well. Like you sending an ask saying you never thought of a certain perspective is not indicative of you agreeing and obviously one can change their opinions over time.

I really have no opinion either way tbh, I myself am straight and in a relationship, and have had others on my last blog send some anons calling me a "dick worshipper" and other misogynistic BS, but they stopped once I didn't let it bother me much. It's so obviously a group of trolls that it's embarrassing that they still believe it enough to keep bringing back the same users, some like you who aren't even misogynistic, to further their persecution complex.

It even is more annoying because these are the women who made Mena/Moideater leave, the above drama is a big reason why. The way radblr will still reblog posts from very racist blogs and not bat an eye but then freak out over a clique of women who aren't even radfems really does show what demographic makes up this site.

I know it gets exhausting to be involved in arguments, but it's nice to know you're still somewhat around. I hope you, Mena and Moid come back someday. If not I understand. But I'll never forget any of them and I haven't forgotten you 😭😭😭

#radblr hypocrisy #I feel blessed lmao #sleep3r4gent

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pinkthrone445 · 1 year ago

Text

"A Blessing from God"

Pairing:Melissa Schemmenti x Reader

Gender: hurt, very fluff.

Warnlings : (+18) strong words, mention of sex, vulgar language, homophobic coments, church talking and mention of God.

Summary:Melissa decides to accompany Barbara to church one day, she never thought she would find the love of her life there. When she realizes that the priest, meaning, your father, is homophobic, treats you badly and hurts you , decides to defend you from him and take care of you.

DON'T FORGET TO REBLOG ❤️

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-"Come on! come with me to church, I always ask you and you never go! The other day you said you'd be willing to kill for me, so come on, come on Melissa, you'll have a good time, I promise."- Barbara begged her friend for the tenth time in the same day and the redhead looked at her seriously, taking off her glasses and putting aside the notes she was reviewing

-"Barbara, killing someone is easier for me than going to church for the first time in ten years, plus I have a feeling that if I go to church, the moment I set foot inside, I'll set myself on fire or be struck by lightning and I'm too beautiful to die" -The redhead commented, laughing at the sight of her friend's face

-"Please Melissa, my husband won't be able to attend and I don't want to go alone, plus it's not a reunion thing, it's just a day of recreation in the church park, there will be food, games and music. Please think of it as a return for that time I threatened a church member because you asked me to do so to get funds for the school"-The brunette looked at her earnestly, and she sighed

-"Okay, I'll go with you, but only because I love you and because there's food, but if they try to do a group hug or want us to sing together, I'll leave," Melissa said and her friend clapped her hands excitedly

-"Perfect! I'll be waiting for you on Saturday! Really, thank you Melissa, I appreciate it so much" - The eldest replied and the redhead waved her off with her hand.

When Saturday arrived, Melissa tried to think of an excuse not to go, it's not that she didn't believe in God, her house had a couple of crosses and she wore a chain with one around her neck every day, even her family was very religious. Her faith wasn't the problem, she just didn't like going to church, she found it tedious, God was everywhere all the time, not limited to one place.

The redhead sighed, honking her horn at her friend's house and waiting for her to come out so she could drive to church. When they arrived, the two friends were a great contrast, Melissa was serious and frowning without greeting almost anyone, Barbara was smiling from ear to ear waving and talking to everyone. The eldest was very happy to be able to share this with her friend, she liked to be with her and share aspects of her life, especially those that were happy occasions like that one.

After having greeted almost everyone, along with Melissa's complaints about so many people who wated to hug her, they went to the appetizer table. While they were choosing what to eat, something, or rather someone, caught the redhead's attention. A young woman in her twenties something or thirties in a flower dress was teaching and playing with some little kids. The children looked at her adoringly, following and paying close attention to what the girl told them, she smiled the hole time looking at them with great tenderness and exaggerated her expressions to make the children laugh and keep their attention, she even made funny voices and that made the redhead laugh when she heard her talking. The children were entranced by the woman who was teaching them, and Melissa was in the same state, unable to take her eyes off the young woman, she had never seen someone who looked so angelic, even the sunlight seemed to go from her hand every time she moved, accompanying her in every step she took to establish her beautiful smile. Apparently, Melissa had stared at the young lady so much, that she had felt it and looked up scanning the crowd looking for someone, a small smile appeared on the lips of the youngest when she saw the redhead looking at her, she barely nodded her head in greeting, to return her attention to the children. So bewitched was the red-haired woman watching her that she didn't hear the five times her friend called her name, it wasn't until the older one gently tapped her arm that Melissa came back to reality

-"Where were you? I lost you for a moment, I was talking to you and you didn't listen to me"-Melissa turned to see her friend smiling like a fool

-"I was in paradise, I believe the spirit of god came into me and blessed me with a beautiful vision"-Melissa spoke jokingly- "What did you need?"

-"I was telling you that there was going to be a talent show, in case you wanted to go and see"- the eldest spoke and her friend nodded accompanying her to the stage that people had set up in the middle of the venue. As they watched the various "talents," children dancing, groups playing instruments, some comedies, and a puppet show, Melissa couldn't avoid her eyes from wonder off to the woman she'd seen before, who was closer to her than before, because she was also watching the talent show with the children. A particularly horrible singer made Melissa look back at the stage with a disgusted face, her friend laughed at the sight of her

-"I know, he sings horribly, and yet every year he comes back on stage to sing... Years ago, when the pastor's daughter showed up to sing, no one else did it because no one could compete with her, that young woman was a blessing for the ears, everyone always knew that she was the guaranteed winner, no one could overshadow her. But since she no longer performs, many dream of singing like she did..."-Barbara commented, and Melissa looked at her curiously

-"What happened to the pastor's daughter? Why doesn't she sing anymore?" - The red-haired woman asked and followed with her gaze where her friend was pointing, she was surprised to see that she was pointing to the young woman who had caught her attention since she first saw her-"Is that the pastor's daughter?" - She asked and her friend nodded sighing

-"That young woman has been through a lot, she was dating another woman from the church, when her girlfriend cheated on her and she found out, she broke up with her girlfriend, but the girlfriend got angry and told the pastor that they had been a couple for a while. The pastor couldn't bear to have a lesbian daughter so he began to punish her for her 'sin', forbade her to sing in the band where the young woman was, forbade her to participate in the church choir and removed her from all activities where there were other women. He only lets her work taking care of the children, otherwise she has to be by his side all the time... Her mother abandoned her when she was little because she couldn't stand her father anymore, her grandmother took care of her but since she passed away two years ago, she has been alone with him, suffering how he punishes her only because of her sexual orientation. He's a good man to others, but he treats her like garbage. I tried to do something for her, but since he's the pastor, they didn't pay much attention to me. In addition, the other elders and members of the church treat her like the plague because they also think that she is a sinner, as if they were not worse, cheating on their partners, having lovers and stealing money from the church..."-Her friend spoke without holding her tongue, used to speaking freely with her friend. Melissa listened very carefully to everything the eldest said about the pastor's daughter.

-"Let's say hello to her, so you can introduce her to me formally and she doesn't feel left out because some people don't greet her because of who she is" - Melissa commented and her friend agreed by walking next to the young woman

-"Good morning (Y/N)" - Barbara said, catching your attention, making you turn around smiling kindly

-"A good morning indeed dear Barbara, how are you? How is your family?" -You asked sincerely and looked at the redhead too - "Good day for you too, it's nice to see new faces here" - You said smiling at her and Melissa was convinced that miracles did exist, miracle was to see you smile

-"The family is fine, my husband had to work and that's why he didn't come, but I brought a friend to keep me company"-said the eldest waiting her friend to introduce herself, but Melissa was too dumb looking at you to interpret the situation

-"I guess you're Melissa Schemmenti, Barbara talks a lot about you, she always tells me stories from school that make me laugh, I like you even though I didn't know you before"-you replied sincerely smiling and the redhead laughed silly listening to you and clarified her voice

-"I hope she only told you the good things, a pleasure to meet you"-She kissed your cheeks in greeting and made you blush a little

-"Sadly she only told me the good things, although I still think the bad things are more fun to hear" - you replied and the redhead laughed loudly, she didn't waited that answer from you

-"Do you have time? Because I have a lot of funny stories to tell you then..." - She smiled seductively and you couldn't help but see from the corner of your eye how your father approached, making you tense, the eldest saw your change of attitude and turned to find a tall man, dressed in a suit, looking at you with seriousness, without a doubt it was your father, the pastor.

-"Good morning ladies, daughter"-greeted the man, you and Barbara returned the greeting but Melissa didn't, she just looked at him seriously.-"I couldn't help but come to say hello to the new face, it would be nice to see you again in the church, it always makes us happy to have new people" - your father commented and Melissa nodded looking at him with superiority

-"Don't worry, you will definitely see me again, I found something in your congregation that caught my attention enough to keep coming" - commented the redhead with a double meaning looking at you out of the corner of her eye, your father didn't notice thinking she was talking about the church, but Barbara and you did, making you blush, you apologize to them and walked away to continue taking care of the children. The redhead couldn't get another chance to talk to you that day.

Melissa went to church several weeks in a row after that interaction, enduring the pastor's tedious sermons, only to see you for a few minutes and talk to you. Her friend Barbara was happy to spend more time with her friend, even though she knew the true purpose of why she was going to church.

Seeing the redhead so regularly, you began to take a liking to her, she always spoke to you affectionately and made you laugh with her unexpected comments. You never imagined her as a religious woman, but you were happy to see her go to church every week. After talking to her so much, the two exchanged cell phone numbers to, according to her, "make an arrangement to go out so she could tell you more funny anecdotes".

After a couple of casual 'dates' (they weren't dates, but they weren't outings like you used to have with your friends either) you ended up going to school on open house day, Melissa invited you to hang out since according to her, many parents never attended those hours, so it would be a good time to distract yourself and laugh for a while. After you had made a homemade pizza, you went to the school to visit her. You breathed a sigh of relief when you saw a familiar face when you passed Barbara, who looked at you in surprise to see you there. After explaining to the eldest that her friend had invited you, she explained where the redhead was and you went in search of her.

You spent the whole night with her, eating, chatting, taking a tour of the school and her classroom, even playing poker together. Melissa had so many more entertaining and funny stories, you could spend hours listening to her. Unfortunately you had such a good time with her that time was always short, it was never enough. Before you knew it it was time to go home, without much encouragement you said goodbye to her and left.

Melissa was gathering her last belongings when her friend Barbara entered the room, a small laugh escaped the older one when she saw how the redhead smiled, whenever she saw you she smiled much more than usual, even her mood was better

-"Someone's happy... It had never occurred to me that you would invite her here, it's one thing to go to church to see her, but it's another thing to invite her to your work and introduce it to all your colleagues..." - the eldest commented and Melissa raised her shoulders smiling

-"We've become good friends over the past few months, I like her company, she is funny, she is nice to be around, she..."-she started talking without thinking and smiling like a fool thinking about you

-"I think you don't just like her company, I think you like her... Could it be that Melissa Schemmenti is in love with the pastor's daughter?" - The older one joked and Melissa just laughed

-"Don't talk nonsense Barbara, let's go or they're going to close the school with us inside" - The redhead said and walked into the parking lot with her

-"Since you're such good 'friends', did she tell you that tomorrow is her birthday?" - Barbara asked and the redhead denied -"they are going to celebrate it in a restaurant, you should come with me, I'm sure it will make her very happy to see you there"-The redhead nodded excitedly but couldn't help the pain she felt at having to find out from someone else that it was your birthday and that you weren't the one who invited her.

The next day, the red-haired woman dressed in her finest clothes and went to the address her friend gave. It was a very fine restaurant and with almost all the tables occupied, in one of them, there was you, your father, a girl with a baby that she didn't know and some people from the church, Barbara hadn't arrived yet. At the end of the table sat your father and next to him you, with a very serious face and she saw that you were uncomfortable, whenever he was close to you, you looked uncomfortable.

Melissa came to your side smiling and hugging you from behind, she hoped that it would make you happy to see her, but you only looked surprised and a little sad

-"Melissa... What are you doing here?" - You whispered and didn't hug her back, that hurt a little bit but she didn't let it show

-"Barbara told me that today was your birthday, since you never told me or invited me, I thought I would surprise you" - commented the redhead seeing how your eyes were a little watery-"Doesn't it make you happy that I'm here?"- she asked with pain in her voice

-"It's not that, I'm happy to see you" - you replied quickly-"it's just that..."

-"Melissa!" - Your father interrupted you to greet the redhead, who barely looked at him, she didn't like your father and she didn't do anything to hide it-"It's good to see you here, I asked my daughter who she wanted to see on her birthday but she didn't tell me anyone, so I invited who I thought she would want to see, sorry for not thinking of you."-Your father said in a kind tone that hid contempt

-"I didn't tell you anyone because I didn't want to celebrate... And you came up with the idea of inviting my ex with his partner and his son, among people I barely talked to...Thank you for that, father"-You commented sarcastically, you weren't in a good mood, you hated your birthday, and your father knew it

-"I invited more people, but they didn't want to come because they know what you're... And I only invited her because I thought she would be a good influence to you, you used to be very good "friends" and she is now with a man, I invited her to see if her way of being sticks with you"-He commented defiantly and you sighed, it was too early on the night and there were too many people to argue so you just put your head down, there was no point in responding to that comment. Melissa stood between you and your father, acting as a human shield with her body, preventing your father from looking at you

-"Really? Is the woman who not only had sex outside of marriage, but committed adultery and cheated, a good example? A woman whose only reason to confess her sin is that she couldn't abort that child because she realized too late that she was pregnant of her lover , that's your good example? I knew you were homophobic but not an idiot and a moron too-Melissa said angrily and turned to look at you, but you were no longer behind her, you were no longer in the restaurant. After searching for you for a few minutes, she found you outside the restaurant hugging yourself because of how cold the night had gotten. She carefully walked over and pulled her leather jacket over your shoulders

-"hey... Are you okay honey?"- She asked with real concern and saw that you were crying when you turned to look at her

-"I wanted you here... I wanted to spend my birthday with you, you're probably the only person I want to spend it with... But I didn't invite you because I knew this was going to happen, I hate celebrating my birthday, I don't have anyone to spend it with, I don't have my mother, I don't have my friends anymore and thanks to my father no one from the church wants to be seen with me. I hate my birthday because since my grandmother died, there is nothing about this date that makes me happy, there is no one to celebrate with me, celebrate me. This date is only useful to tell me everything I've been doing wrong all the years of my life. I didn't invite you because I feel like you're the only good thing left in my life and I didn't want to ruin that by getting you together with my father"-You sighed in pain and teary eyes, immediately the redhead hugged you to her chest, hiding you in her embrace

-"I'm sorry sweetheart, I didn't know, you don't deserve any of this, your father doesn't deserve to have you" - she whispered and kissed the crown of your head-"I've got an idea. What if we leave right now? We're already outside..."-she smiled

-"Where? What about my dad" - You asked just walking away from her so you could see her face but still hugging her

-"He can suck it, let's go home, I can cook for you, maybe gnocchi, I remember you telling me it was your favorite food when your grandmother cooked for you. We can watch a movie. If you want we can invite Barbara and the guys from school, you know they love you, maybe put a karaoke on TV and sing a little, I also have ice cream at home. What do you think?-The redhead asked with a big smile looking into your eyes, she wanted to do everything to make you happy. Without you being able to think or process what you were doing, you kissed her. No one had ever cared enough about you to defend you from your father and take care of you as she did. The redhead was shocked and stood still, causing you to pull away in embarrassment. Even if she didn't reciprocate the kiss, she did grab your waist tighter

-"I'm so sorry Mel, I don't know what got hold of me, I wasn't thinking clearly... I'm sorry..." -You murmured quickly and she caressed your cheek affectionately

-"Don't apologize sweetheart, you didn't do anything wrong, but is better if we go home, then we can give each other as many kisses as you want, but not here because your father can come out at any moment to yell at us, and I don't know if this time I will be able to contain my desire to hit him"-The redhead spoke in her strong Phili accent and you nodded as you got into her car.

After a short trip, the two arrived at Melissa's house. You really appreciated what she was doing for you, she was a woman who was very protective of her personal space and didn't invite just anyone to her home, you felt privileged to be there. While she was cooking, you looked at the pictures that were all over the house, she looked so happy in all of them, even the ones where she was fighting with her sister. Your body jumped a little when you felt the redhead hug you from behind, she ran her hands around your waist and rested them on your abdomen, resting her head on your shoulder

-"The food is almost done" - she whispered in your ear, you smiled and relaxed in her arms leaning more against the woman's body - "How are you feeling? Do you want me to invite the others?" - she asked softly and you shook your head

-"No, I just want to be with you, if that's okay with you. I'm calmer now, I feel relaxed and safe..." You commented sincerely, and the redhead smiled as she heard you.

-"It's your special day, we'll do everything you want"-the eldest whispered and kissed your cheek, carefully, she reached into her pocket and took out a small delicately wrapped package and put it in your hands-"happy birthday darling" - you smiled looking at her and when you opened it, you found a chain with a gold cross, you looked at the woman's neck and saw that she was missing her cross, the gift was her necklace, the one she wore every day and that you always admired because of how delicate it looked. You examined the gift, you saw that it was engraved "God loves you just as you are." You smiled more with your eyes a little watery

-"It's beautiful"-You whispered smiling, she took it out of your hands and placed it on your neck gently, giving you a small kiss on your lips, barely noticeable but it made you blush

-"Now you'll have something to remind you of me and remind you that there's nothing wrong with you, you're perfect" - she whispered and kissed your forehead, her thumb wiping a small tear that run down your cheek, then she hugged your waist-"Now let's eat before it gets cold"

Carefully and still hugging you, she led you into the kitchen and made you sit on the counter while she put a large portion of gnocchi on a plate with a great amount of cheese. Delicately she spread your legs and positioned herself in the middle with the plate in hand, with the fork, pricked a couple of potato doughnuts, blew them and put them in your mouth for you to eat, it was fucking delicious. You stayed like that for a long time, the two eating from the same plate in comfortable silence while looking at each other adoringly.

When you finished, Mel put the plate on the counter and took your hand gently caressing it

-"Would you like us to take a bath together? Maybe watch a movie in bed together after that..." - she whispered and kissed your hand-" or do you want to do it alone?... "

-"I would like do it with you"-You answered just in a whisper and she nodded going up the stairs with you and guiding you to the bathroom of the room, once there, she began to undress after having filled the bathtub. For your part, the only thing you could do was admire her, she was a beautiful woman and her body was too, her body was not like a young woman's, it was the body of a experienced lady, some marks here and some there, but that only made her more perfect. Melissa turned to see if you were undressing, but when she saw how you looked at her, a shiver ran through her body, you didn't look at her with lust, you looked at her with all the love in the world, as if she were the most beautiful woman in the whole universe. Carefully she came over and hugged you by the waist making you come out of your trance, delicately she put her hands under your blouse and helped you undress, then together you got into the bathtub, she behind and you in front of her, resting your back on her chest and closing your eyes. Not a word was shared, but it wasn't necessary at all. Mel carefully stroked your hair, massaging and washing it, kissing your shoulder every now and then

-"Mel?" - Your voice broke the comfortable silence, she hummed encouraging you to continue. You turned your head sideways to look at her out of the corner of your eye, and she smiled- "Why do you do all this?... The food, letting me come to your house, confronting my father, the necklace, the bath, the affection?..."

-"Because you deserve it, you deserve to be celebrated and happy, you deserve to feel loved, you deserve all the love..."-The redhead took your cheek and caressed it- "You deserve to be happy and I want to be one of the reasons that make you smile" - She smiled looking into your eyes and kissed you gently, as if you had all the time in the world, as if nothing and no one else existed. She kissed you like if you were all she needed to live. You had a long time kissing and enjoying each other's company, until the water got cold and you had to get out. Melissa carefully dried your body and then gave you one of her squared shirts to wear to sleep. Together you lay on the bed and you snuggled up on her chest to watch a movie, before you knew it, you had already fallen asleep while she was hugging you and playing with your hair. The best birthday of your life.

The next morning, you woke up late and Melissa was no longer in bed, you carefully went down watching her make breakfast while she hummed a song, you carefully hugged her from behind and rested your head on her back, the redhead smiled and turned to hug you against her chest kissing the crown of your head, the aroma of food and her perfume relaxed you more

-"I don't think I've ever slept so relaxed and peaceful in my life, I feel safe when you're near me" you murmured and kissed her lips softly

-"I'm glad to hear that... By the way, you look beautiful in my shirt" - she commented and you laughed against her lips-"We need to have breakfast quickly tho, I have one more birthday surprise" - she murmured smiling and you frowned

-"Another? You've already given me a gift and done a lot for me, I don't want anything else" - you replied and she made you sit at the table serving you a plate

-"Believe me, you want to see this gift" - she whispered with a knowing smile. After you had breakfast, you changed and went out to where the redhead had planned, she didn't want to give you any clues. She parked at the church and that confused you

-"Mel, I don't want to go to church today, I know it's Sunday but I don't want to cross paths with my father... Not after he saw me go with you last night, a woman he noticed I was attracted to. He will put us to shame."-You whispered and watched as the redhead opened your door, reaching out for you to take her hand

-"Do you trust me?" -She asked and you nodded taking her hand and getting out of the car -"Then come on, I promise not to leave you alone and if you feel bad, we can leave."

The two of you walked through the doors, seeing how your father was already on stage. After welcoming everyone, he said something that left you frozen

-"Since today, I will step down from my position as priest, I have not fulfilled my duties as a loving father or as a loving guide of this church, for which I ask forgiveness. So I'll be replaced by a new priest..."-After he had finished introducing the new priest, he stepped off the platform and walked over to you, his hands in a fist and his teeth clenched. Never in your life did you imagine that your father would leave his position, much less admit in front of everyone, what a bad father he had been. He would have preferred you to disappear than leave his position and lose his influence. You knew he didn't feel any real regrets from his heart, but it was progress anyway.

From one second to the next, your father was in front of you, watching Melissa hold your hand. He glared at the redhead angrily

-"Are you happy? I did everything you said..." - He muttered under his breath

-"Almost, you need to sincerely apologize to your daughter" - The older woman commented authoritatively

-"I'm..." - Your father started to speak but gritted his teeth as Melissa hugged you around the waist, he shook his head and narrowed his eyes looking at you -"My daughter, what are you doing? Think things through, I already told you that if you start dating her or any other woman, I don't want you to go back home or to church, you'll become a bad influence, a bad person if you do this. You won't go to heaven, please think about it... You don't want God to stop loving you, huh?"-You sighed listening to him, it was always the same, manipulative shit to make you feel bad about yourself.

-"Okay, that's enough" - Melissa stopped him - "I see you're not going to apologize, so say goodbye to your position forever, also to all your 'powerful friends' and to your reputation, I'll make sure you don't get taken back in any church around the world. If your daughter wants to go back to church, she can do so, but you can't. Oh! And your daughter isn't coming home anymore, you know why? 'Cause she's going to move in with me and we'll have a lot of lesbian sex all day long"-The redhead said, facing your father. The color left the man's face, Melissa knew something you didn't, something that could ruin your father's reputation and life forever. He no longer had power over you, which made you feel relief and proudly stick out your chest

-"You know what dad? I may no be the best person, but I'm far from the worst. All my life you made me feel ashamed of myself, you made me feel that because I loved someone different that what you wanted, I didn't deserve to be loved by God or anyone else. I'd rather go to hell for having loved than for having hated like you hate me. I hope that now that you've lost your position, you really see what people think of you... I hope you change your horrible way of being, because you do have things to change, things that should make you ashamed, but I have nothing to be ashamed of. Thanks to Melissa I saw that, because she really loves me, not like you, who only pretended to show me affection when there were people around. Good luck living alone, you don't even know how to make toast... And one more thing, I want this to be the last thing you remember about me"-You commented and kissed the redhead very passionately and then walked out of the church hugging Mel.

When you two got in the car, the adrenaline left your body and you started laughing nervously

-"You threatened a priest, my father, for me?"- you asked looking at Mel and she nodded as she drove-"What if you go to hell?"

-"I had already earned my place in hell years ago, but I'd better make sure of it by defending my favorite girl from her abusive father" - Melissa smiled and placed one of her hands on your thigh while still driving

-"Thanks for that... For all of the things that you have done for me... But Mel, it is true that I have a place to stay with you? - You asked barely audible and she nodded

-"Yeah hon, we're going to go get your stuff right now" - she smiled as she stopped at a traffic light and gave you a peck on your lips- "I've already experienced once what it's like to sleep next to you, I'm not going to let you go... Also, we have to inspect every corner of the house together, if you know what I mean..."-she said with double meaning and laughed at your face , ypu were exited and very eager. This woman turned your life upside down from one moment to the next. From the first time you saw her, she was a true blessing for your life.

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