#szk imagine

[coupsie-daisies]

Out of Step | Bang Chan

Pairing: Bang Chan x GN!Reader

Genre: hurt no comfort, angst

Summary: Sometimes people aren’t meant to be together, no matter how badly it hurts to think about it, and sometimes the one is really just someone.

Word Count: 1k

Warnings: Breakups, fights, broken hearts, Chan cries, kinda dismissive Chan

A/N: I apologize once again to those of you that like hurt no comfort (especially those of you on my taglist)...I’m just a sucker for pain. Might turn this into a multi-part thing if people like it and want to see what happens

Tags: @dragonofthenorth0726  // @wooyussy // @sunnytaes // @burningupp // @bunnypig18 // @ferrethyun // @tyungun // @brownieracha // @kwanisms

Masterlist

This fanfiction is property of @/hobi-is-golden, reposting on any platform without explicit permission is prohibited

"Why does it always feel like we're just out of step with each other?"

There had been a time when you'd wholeheartedly believed that you'd spend your life in Chan's arms. You'd fall asleep to the steady sound of his breathing, and you'd wake to his dimpled smile and his morning breath. There was a time when you'd sincerely believed that things would turn out to be a dream come true. Once upon a time, it was you and Chan against the world.

The saying 'if you love someone, you have to let them go' had never really made sense to you. If you loved someone, you fought tooth and nail to keep them close. You cried in the bathroom in the middle of the night so you wouldn't wake them from the only decent sleep they'd gotten in a week or more. If you loved someone, you broke yourself down to build them up when they needed it most, and if they didn't notice, that was okay. Once upon a time you could feel the light in your hands, but now it was pouring out through your fingers.

Falling in love with Chan had been almost too easy. He had the kindest heart of any man you'd ever met, and the intelligence to teach kindness to everyone he saw, in everything that he did. The day he asked you to go out with him was the best day of your relationship.

Like any relationship, yours had its ups and downs, only a few minor concerns at first. Every fight was resolved with an apology and a serious conversation, topped off with a make-up kiss. Nothing came between the two of you, neither of you would allow that to happen.

But everyone gets tired sometimes. Sometimes, when it's you against the world, sometimes you lose. Sometimes meals were left cold as you waited for him to come home from the studio. Sometimes you weren't priority number one. Or two. Sometimes neither was he.

You weren't entirely sure when things became irreparable. You didn't know when you'd reached the point of no return, where resentment began to cloud the love you'd grown comfortable in, but when the realization sunk in, you had fought harder than ever. You'd broken your own heart, trying to dig yourself out of the hole and bringing the dirt down on top of you instead.

"Is it really so bad to want a future with you?" You asked, begging him to listen to the desperation in your voice as you battled the truth in your own head. You threw your hands up in frustration. "I'm not trying to ruin your career, Christopher. I just want you to think about this."

"I can't do this right now," Chan sighed. That was always his answer nowadays, and it wasn't even really a lie. He saw it coming too, the inevitable end to the love the two of you had shared for nearly three years. You sighed. You really weren't trying to rush him into anything, but you were grasping at straws. Marriage seemed like a typical thing to discuss after being in a relationship for this long, it's not like you were asking him to propose tomorrow.

"I think you just don't want to be with me anymore," You snapped.

"Maybe I don't."

His words sucked the air out of your lungs. You both just stood there opposite one another. Just like that, all of the work you'd put into fixing the cracks, patching the holes, it all went up in smoke. Your entire world shifted. When you looked in his eyes, they didn't look any different. There was no big change, it wasn't as if you'd suddenly fallen out of love with each other. He just looked exhausted. You imagined you did too.

"You don't want to be with me?" You repeated back to him, utterly dumbfounded.

"I-" He looked away, tears welling in his eyes. And even despite the dagger he was digging into your stomach, you wanted nothing more than to reach up and touch his face, and tell him that everything was going to be okay. "Of course I want to be with you. I love you."

You looked at him again, trying not to get tripped up in the rubble of what you imagined to be your happily ever after. You'd never felt this cold and alone, especially not when you were with Chan. Your stomach was uneasy, and you were having trouble understanding him.

"But maybe we just...can't. Maybe we're just not ready. I'm sorry, but I think we need to be done."

And through the pain in your chest, you finally understood. There was growing left to do until you could fit your jagged pieces together with his. You two just didn't fit the mold.

For the first time, you truly understood what the saying meant, because you'd rather suffer a thousand years without him than be the reason he was crying like he was now, tears free falling down his cheeks, his breath coming out rough and desperate.

Every day after that became a little easier, the weight lifted off your chest, and your friends pampered you with days out to keep your mind off of things. But you still found yourself wondering from time to time. You wondered if he still got out of bed in the middle of the night to write down lyric ideas. You wondered if he still liked autumn evenings the best. You wondered if he had someone else to lay beside him now, or if he still thought about you the way you did him. And more than anything, when you felt especially alone in the world, you wondered if the two of you were more compatible now than you had been then. You wondered if he'd still kiss you awake, still write you silly little love songs. You wondered if he still held out hope like you did.

Or maybe, despite everything you'd shared, the two of you were destined to walk forever side by side and out of step.

copyright © 2022 hobi-is-golden, all rights reserved

[jonathankatwhatever]

6 September 2023, and you’re wearing me out. Here’s the main concept: fusion is the reduction of 2T into a specified IC. This is an old idea that takes life because we can label the threads. There is the thread of IC to LC to CM64, etc. That comes out of the Minimal Context of 1 and 0, so IC is the non-specified 1 to that 0, and that grows. We can also now clearly construct the specified form, and that comes from the other way, meaning it’s defined out of higher into lower terms so the specification fuses not only to IC but to MC so existence itself becomes a joining of 1 to 1 so 1 and 0 become 1 and 1.

It’s that energy behind coupling, behind pairing. And the idea extends to atomic level fusion because then you’re literally squeezing out the grid squares constructions, the patterns, the threads, the bundles of counting.

This connects to the underlying mechanism behind turbulence. It’s fairly easy to see it’s a consequence of I//I, that a stable process is not because the reduction isn’t stable because the threads conflict and there isn’t sufficient room to work those out to greater smoothness. But it’s also that this turbulent energy is squeezed out of the continuity, that there is gs construction entering your space, like if you’re on a plane, and that plane is being jiggled because some external construction is causing that, like when it’s on the edge of a low pressure front and the pressure differential creates edges to the weather which connects to the location of the low and the relative high, and those shapes can’t resolve without conflict as they reduce into the construction of this reality. In D-structure terms, as the D4-3//3-4 process generates the wavefront that is our counted existence in our shared tangible space, then turbulence occurs as constructions relate. It’s the result of there being too much gs construction to fit into the moment. Like if you go too fast on a curve, you’ll leave the road.

Again, amazing work.

So, we fuse and that unleashes energy. That’s what’s behind the idea of pairing across a 1-0Segment: in Triangular, they both relate to the 3rd End, the one we see on the midline. That means we’ve worked out both aspects of the K’ing: the fission and the fusion sides. Cool.

————-

Fusion over a 1-0Segment means to the midline, to the 3rd End, and rotating that so it pairs I//I to the 2 being fused. So as joining occurs at both Ends, the 3rd End spilts. That pumps out all which doesn’t reduce through the Attached structures or constructions.

———-

CR. So imagine we meet in the middle and that locates the midline so what we see is the coherent you, the one compiled to make a whole. That invokes alternation over a quadrant because that ++ draws the midline as szK. You can see the fD draw as Triangular over gs. You can see a 1-0Segment connect yK and xK.

Okay. Maybe I can get this out. The very first logical problem in my vision of an eternal level war required a strategy and a weapon. The strategy was to overwhelm. Treat all battles as though they’re our only battle and maintain the ability to do that. Analysis of the pattens to predict over the different terms. The weapon was the implosion mechanism, like a black hole that pops into existence and which this pulls the nearby space to the other side. It’s like a piece taken and removed from the board in your favor.

I imagined this without an actual mechanism. This is it.

Now that I have had a few minutes, I remember the idea was initially violent and became less so as details developed. From images of planets exploding to the intangible structures being shifted to the positive cooperative in pairings. The weapon shifts where you are in the intangible and that shifts tangible you.

It’s nice to find your visions were true.

————-

4 images and they appear to me to be 2 lines of binary, the top one being 8, the bottom 13. Should I look at the difference of 5 as an nSquare, so the quadrants all make sense?

It was a long walk in the humidity. Feet are tired.

[mingiswow]

Boyfriend!Lee Know

⚠ English is not my native language, so pardon me if there’s any mistake. And you can always tell me what’s wrong.

ah… our mischievous cat boy

ok, it’s hard for me to read him ngl

he comes off as very cold sometimes but then he’ll become the softest

anywho

I feel like baby boy lee know is hard to conquer

so it took a lot for you to win his heart

but when you do,,,, oof prepare yourself

I feel like you’d catch his eye while working

You were one of the staff at the tv station where he mc’s

and he saw how hard you’d work, making sure everything was right

running from side to side checking on everyone without losing your smile and your sympathy

don’t tell him but he fell for your smile

so seeing you every week and slowly interacting with each other made him grow fond of you

and after discussing to himself if he should or not he asked you out

you were quite shocked but said yes nonetheless

after all, you ain’t dumb and he is a gorgeous human being

let’s be honest here: he LOVES to show you off to the boys

you are his precious girl and he is the lucky man to be with you

“you’re so annoying after you started going out with y/n”

“annoying because you’re single and lonely”

proud proud proud boyfriend

he is your biggest supporter

will always be there for you

I think he’ll make it big when asking you to be his girlfriend

not like flash mob and public stuff hell no

I’m talking more like fancy dinner on a rooftop just for the two of you

soft music on the bg and shit

Minho is not much fond of pda

He prefers to show his affection just to you

But he’ll eventually hold his hand or put his hand on your thigh if he’s feeling jealous

talking about that… I feel like he gets jealous easily

not bc he doesn’t trust you

he doesn’t trust the others around you

and he gets self-conscious a lot because of his idol life and he feels like he can’t give you what you deserve

Which tends to make you two fight really petty fights

like… for the most stupid things

but you can’t stay much longer without talking to each other because you are really close to each other

and you value your friendship

so you usually just pretend the fight never happened and go on with your lives

however… if it’s a more serious fight I feel like Minho will want to sit and talk like two grown-ups

He hates making you upset

so he’ll calm his nerves and wait for you to calm your before speaking again

And he is a very mature guy so you guys always talk it out the fight

Ok… so bear with me

I think minho is an ass guy

I think he’ll like to have you in his lap while kissing and making out just so he can grab your butt

just so he can hear your little moans and whines

smug smirk on his lips when you react to his touches

you know which smug I’m talking about

Little mf

So yeah, I feel like his kisses are very urgent

he just wants to taste, to feel, to touch your lips as much as possible

Nsfw from here on

Minho is hard to decipher

Because I want to tell he’s a dom

But I honestly feel like he’s on the more vanilla side

Sorry minho Stans

But hey! Vanilla doesn’t mean boring

He likes to make love to you

That’s the real thing

He loves to appreciate and enjoy and touch and feel and praise your body

He loves to tell you that you are the most beautiful thing in the world

And he is lucky to have you all for him naked

He’s a sweet talker

He can make you cum just by saying sweet little nothings in your ear

no jokes

but we all agree he is a T E A S E

so prepare yourself to get teased to the point you beg for him to give you what you want

bc he loves the way you looked all desperate and messy from lovemaking him and him only

like I said, he likes love making but don’t expect him to not have his rough nights

when he’s feeling extra stressed or overwhelmed by his work or things in general he likes to take you rough

Won’t say anything will just pound into your hole or your mouth with deep breaths and grunts

Will 100% grunt your name when he cums

apologizes after and make you guys dinner

like I mentioned before, he’s an ass man

so he loves when you reverse ride him

ass all perked up in front of him so he can ones the soft skin

high key loves 69

Will eat/take you like a champ

even tho he likes to receive more than give

aftercare for him is pretty simple

just likes to hug you close to his body and keep whispering sweet nothings for you to sleep

That if he doesn’t fall asleep first

[purplelalaland]

“Is any of you going to explain what the fuck was all that bullshit about?” Minho’s voice is low, coming out in between his teeth. His body looks relax, a complete opposite from the fury in his eyes.

Making him mad was something hard to do, he usually didn’t take anything personal and cared too little about what others did or say. That’s why Han knew whenever it happened, whenever Minho got angry, it was something no one would want to be witness of.

But not only Minho was angry. Changbin was too, and Jisung knew they probably took things a little too far this time.

“For a moment I thought the judges were going to see us fighting,” Felix says, he scratches the back of his neck, his eyes fixed on the ground, too scared to look at anyone. And Han can’t stop the bit if guilt making its way through him by seeing Felix acting this way.

“Everything was alright at the end,” he says trying to sound relax, as if him and Chan didn’t just almost ruin their whole presentation. “The judges were amazed by our stage.”

“But we could’ve been disqualified before even having a chance to perform! That was so fucking selfish of both of you! what the fuck where you thinking?!”

Hyunjin’s voice is like squeaky chalk against a blackboard. And what makes it more annoying to Han is that he is right. They were being selfish.

Chan and him almost fucked up real bad. But what dis the rest of the guys expected him to do when Chan came to him ready to pick a fight? Run away? Hide? Granted Chan looked really intimidating but he wasn’t about to chicken out and let him get away with that stupid attitude of his. Someone needed to stop him and Han didn’t mind being that person. He was thrilled to be honest.

After the fight the had after the party the only thing Han wanted was to show Bang Chan how stupid he was acting, pretending to be better than everyone and judging other people’s actions. It’s not really like he wanted the fight to get to the point they almost took it, but if that was the only way to make him understand, what could’ve he done?

“I told you both to stop the bullshit,” Chanbing says in such a disappointed tone it makes Han realize how stupid he was. “I told you to fix it and you almost ruined everything for what? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON BETWEEN YOU TWO?!”

“Guys I don’t think yelling will help right now,” Seungmin says. He looks concerned but above everything else he looks like the only person that can maintain whatever little peace is left in the room. “What is done is done, we just have to make sure that doesn’t happen again.”

“That’s bullshit!” Minho says shaking his head, his eyes fixed on Han and then on Chan. “First, we had to deal with Hyunjin’s and Han’s stupid rivalry or whatever the fuck that was, and now this?!”

“It seems like there is a common denominator,” Hyunjin whispers, but Han hears it clearly. And as much as he will like to tell him what’s on his mind, he keeps quiet. He knows now is not the moment to make things worse.

“What’s going on Han?” Seungmin ask in his calm voice and Han stomach turns.

Why does everyone thinks this is his fault? He knows that he might not be the easiest going person sometimes, and maybe he carries more anger inside him that he will like to admit, wanting to fight everyone and anyone at times, but this time it wasn’t him. Bang Chan is the one who started it and he was just ready to defend himself. But just as he is just about to protest, someone cuts him off.

“It was my fault,” Chan says, and that surprises everyone.

“What do you mean?” Minho asks, confused.

Of course, no one could think Chan is capable of being an asshole. He looks like someone who won’t ever let his impulses rule over his head, he is someone reliable and centered. But this time he let his feelings take over him and he didn’t understand why.

Why would he want to start a fight with Han unprovoked? Why was he so bothered by the fact that Han had confronted him about y/n? And why was he so mad about finding out he had feelings for her?

Chan knew the love he had for y/n was the same type of loved he had for his siblings, but finding out Han loved y/n in the kind of way he loved Ash once, that had made him furious. Even more than when he found out y/n feelings for Hyunjin were actually reciprocated.

Why was he so bothered by the idea of Han loving y/n?

That had been the question that came to his mind right after Minho and Changbin broke off what could’ve been a horrible fight between him and Han. He didn’t know why he started it until they were away from each other right before their names were called out to perform.

And Minho was right, they were lucky no one from the staff found out about it. They would’ve been kicked out of the competition right there and then.

“Why did you do that?” Jeongin asks and for some reason Chan can’t bring himself up to lie to him.

Maybe is the way he asked the question, as if he had just found out the person he looked up to the most was an imposter; or maybe it was the way he was looking at him, confused and concerned. But he said the only honest thing he could say without throwing Han and his feelings under the bus.

“I was worried about y/n.”

“What does y/n has to do with any of this?” Hyunjin asks. His jaw is tensed and his hands becoming fists don’t go unnoticed by Chan.

The same way it doesn’t go unnoticed how Han takes a small step closer to Hyunjin, almost as if putting himself in between the guy and Chan. No one else notices this, but Chan does, and nor for the first time this day he feels like the biggest idiot on earth.

“I was just being an idiot. There is something I should’ve done a long time ago,” he says, too exhausted to make something up. “Something concerning her, and Han called me out on it and I got pissed because he was right and I just didn’t want to admit it.”

“Are you in love with her?”

Han can’t believe what Felix just asked. Felix who is looking from Chan to Hyunjin and back. The last one waiting expectant for and answer.

Han’s eyes are fixed on Chan. Waiting for the answer. Could it be possible? Could he had miss read Chan’s loved for y/n as something brotherly when in reality it was something… else? Could Chan be in love with y/n?

“I am not,” he finally says and it feels like the whole room is breathing again. “But I have done stupid shit I have to take care of, and Han knew that and he called me out and I was just... angry.”

“Well, whatever that was you got to take care of it,” Minho says looking less angry but still annoyed. “And you two have to fix this shit going on between you. We cannot afford going through something like this again.”

“Yeah, I understand,” Chan says and for the first time he looks at Han whom only nods.

“I think we shouldn’t tell y/n anything that just happened. She has already dealt with a lot of our bullshit,” Han says looking at everyone in the room, his eyes staying in Hyunjin’s a little longer. “We will deal with this ourselves.”

—Waiting On You—

SKZ+reader - College SKZ smau: crack, angst, steamy, mature.

Chapter 28. Testing my patience

Warnings: Swearing

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a/n: Hello!!! I hope you are having a great start of your week😌 I hope you all enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think! As always, thank you so much for reading. Stay safe and healthy!!

Disclaimer: This is my first time writing any type of smau so please let me know what you think and any suggestions you have! If you are interested in reading you will find the links of the chapters in the master list (they will be appearing as I drop them and will update at least once a week).

-Let me Know if you wanna be added to the tag list. If your name is in bold is because for some reason I can’t tag you.-

Tag List✨: @mosquitiddies @hey-i-really-miss-you @freckledquokka @pikapikapikaachuu @gold-dragon-slayer @xlxuxnxa @a-katsukitty @97lovestay @soobin-chois @sai-kida134 @ninjaleeknow @joti17 @yellowroseskolchek @brit97 @fluffyywoo @hibuki-chan @melancholyspirits

[yutaroo]

My Dear Sunflower - Chapter 1

Pairing: changbin x F!reader

genre: fluff, angst?

warnings: mentions of death, grieving, anxiety, mentions of car accidents, mention of funerals/graveyards etc.

chapters: 3 to 4?

summary: You have been in a happy relationship for 5 months with your amazing boyfriend. Everything has been going great, but now your boyfriend wants to meet up with your parents, your dead parents…

word count:

a/n: hi! this is my very first story on here, this idea just randomly popped into my head a couple weeks ago and i thought that i could give it a shot and try to see if i can write something around it. I hope it’s okay and that it makes sense? Also my first language is not english so i apologize for any mistakes i may make.

disclaimer: This story is pure fiction! and it does not in any way describe how the members are in real life!!

Today you were meeting up with your boyfriend and his friends at their apartment. It’s been quite a while since you met up with each other, since you have been caught up in your finals for uni these past few weeks. But you finally finished your last exam last week and luckily passed all of them. Meaning it’s time for some well deserved rest and quality time with your boyfriend. 

You were in the process of getting ready when your phone started ringing. “y/nnn the guys were wondering at what time you were coming over?” Changbin’s voice rang through your speaker.

“Hello to you too Changbin-ah, actually I was just about to leave when you called” you said while putting on your shoes.

“Great! i’ll see you then!” he said ending the call.

“Yea.. Bye to you too” You smiled to yourself while walking down the stairs. Once you get downstairs you quickly put on your coat, and remember to lock the door on your way out. The last thing you would want is to return home with some stranger chilling on your living room couch. 

The drive there is pretty boring and uneventful. When you finally arrive at your boyfriends apartment one go his friends opens the door. “Oh, y/n! How did your finals go?” 

“Felix! Hi! They went good! I passed all of them so I’m glad i get to spend some time with Changbin and you guys!” you respond.

“Ah i’m glad to hear that! It’s been so long since we last saw you! We really missed having you around” Felix says while letting you inside.

“I know, I’m sorry I haven’t been around that much it’s just been very hectic for me with exams and all my assignments. But I’m done now so I will be over a lot more!!” You exclaim as you give Felix your coat to hang up.

“Thank god for that! Your boyfriend has been rather whiny about not being able to see you. I think Minho would have glued his mouth shut” He laughs walking you to the living room.

“Speaking of Changbin.. Where is-” “Y/N! You're here!” A rather cheerful Changbin yells out while running up to you and engulfing you in a hug. 

“And we should thank god for that, I swear if I had to hear one more ‘I miss y/n’ or ‘I can’t wait to see y/n’ I would have considered moving out.” “Don’t be so dramatic! Can I not miss my own girlfriend after not seeing her for a month?” “Yes you can but not every 5 minutes of the day Changbin! You know you could have just driven for 15 minutes and went to visit her if you missed her so bad?” Minho’s voice yells out from the kitchen. “Yes but-” Changbin was cut off by Chan. 

“y/n! Good to see you again, how did your finals go? Did you manage to finish all your assignments?” “My finals went great! I barely managed to finish all my assignment but I did! And thankfully I passed all my classes!” You explain while taking a seat on the couch, Changbin following you swiftly and sitting down next to you “I missed you” he says while placing a kiss on your cheek “I know, I missed you too binnie” I say while smiling at him “Yea, yea we all missed y/n can we watch the movie now?” jisungs voice rings out from across the room “Jisung I swear to-” “Yes we can! What are we watching anyway?” you cut off Changbin “We should watch Deadpool!” said Seungmin.

The movie was halfway done when suddenly Changbin poked your cheek “Hey” “Y/N” “Babe” “Y/nnnn” “Lov-” “Changbin! oh my god what? I’m trying to watch the movie!” You finally give in to him “But I really missed you” He said while pouting at you “Can we not ditch the boys?” “Changbin we can’t ditch your friend they literally live here” you say while laughing “We can go to my room instead” “I really want to finish watching the movie tho” You looked up at him “Hmmpf fine” he playfully rolled his eyes at you “We can spend time together later” you say while resting your head on his shoulder. He looks down at you while smiling “Promise?” “Promise”

After the movie ended you go to Changbin’s room to spend some time with him just like you promised earlier. You were just hanging out in his room listening to music and catching up with each other when suddenly Changbin brought up the topic of your parents. “You know I was wondering since you met my parents already, maybe it’s time I should meet yours as well?” “Changbin-ah, I-” “I know you don’t really talk about them to me but i really would love to meet them!” he cuts you off “I know you want to, it’s just not that easy” you explain to him`. It’s not that you don’t want him to meet them or are ashamed to, well actually scratch that you are ashamed. Because how are you supposed to tell your boyfriend your parents are dead and it’s your fault they are? 

“You know you can always talk to me about everything right?” he says while looking at you “I know I can, it’s just complicated” you try to clarify “Don't you trust me?” “What no that’s not it! Can we just not talk about this right now please?” “No I think we should talk about it y/n, we’ve been together for almost 6 months and I don't even know your parents names! every time i bring it up you wave it off as if I just asked you some million dollar question. I really don't understand why you haven’t even told me anything about them at all! It’s almost like your ashamed of me” You can tell he’s frustrated and honestly you can't blame him, he’s always been so sweet and patient about the whole thing and there’s a part of you that really wants to tell him but you just cant find a way to bring it up. But the other part is just really scared and insecure about how to bring it up or how he will react to it, I mean It’s not everyday your significant other tells you ‘hey uhm, fun story my parents are dead and it’s all my fault’

“Binnie I’m not ashamed of you! That’s not it! You know how much you mean to me, and how much I trust you. It’s just not that easy and I know you really want to meet them, I guess I’m just scared for your reaction” Great y/n now he’s probably even more confused, god why cant you just tell him! It’s only Changbin! “No wait, I’m sorry for always bringing it up. If you don't want to talk about it right now that's okay, I just need you to know I will always be here if you do want to talk” He says while taking a hold of your hands, and it’s in that moment you realize how important it is to finally open up about everything. Just not here, you look him in the eyes and smile softly at him “I’ll take you to meet them”

[wbearv]

A different day off - b.c (f, sg)

Word count: 2.2K

Summary: Chan likes to spend his day off doing nothing at all, but when he receives a call that you’re sick? well, screw his day off.

a/n: something more fluffy coming to ya! I didn’t really proofread this at all so I’m sorry if there’s any mistakes! I hope you like this <3.

masterlist

As the very busy person Chan is (really, he should just sleep a little bit more), he usually spends his days off laying in bed doing nothing. Those days when he can enjoy the peace and quiet of his room without having to worry about anything work related are rare, but he cherishes them to the max.

The sound of his phone ringing startled him since he made sure to tell everyone the day before not to call him unless someone was dying. Someone better be dying for him to have to move from his very much comfortable position.

The screen was lit and your picture came up next to your name.

“y/n,” he sighed. “It’s my day off.”

“Hey Chan, I’m Seungmin, I’m sorry to call you but,” your flatmate said, stopping while you half cried half sniffed in the back because you couldn’t reach the plushie that just fell to the floor. “y/n is pretty sick, and I’m supposed to leave to catch my flight in twenty minutes, could you tell Minho and ask him to take care of her while I’m gone? I tried to call him but he’s not picking up.”

“Minho is out practicing for next week-” the line went silent for a second just for Chan to speak again “you know what? Forget Minho, I’ll go myself. Be there in 10”

“Thank-” Chan hung up while the sound of keys resonated in the background. Seungmin left the phone on the table and turned to look at you, laying on the couch like a whining soul.

And that was how, after stopping by the pharmacy to pick up cold medicine Chan arrived at your apartment a few minutes later. When your flatmate opened the door, he quickly entered the room and went straight to the sofa where you were half lying half sitting. You looked really pale, there were dark rings underneath your eyes and your nose was really red and puffy from all that sniffing and paper tissues. When you turned to the door, expecting your brother, you were really taken aback by him.

“Chan?” The smile that grew on your face immediately once you saw him is interrupted by a nasty coughing fit, which you direct away from him and into the cushion underneath your head.

He rushed to sit next to you, rubbing your back while you let all that coughing out. “Easy”

“Well, I have to leave now or I’ll miss my flight. Keep me updated and take good care of her! see you in two days, don’t die on me” and with that, he closed the door and left, leaving the whole apartment silent.

While you closed your eyes and let your head fall back into the pillow, Chan explored the apartment with his eyes, taking note of the mess around you. Tissues are strewn about and there were empty cough drop wrappers littered across the coffee table. He noticed the cute pics from last summer’s camping trip where you drunkenly told him you liked him but completely forgot about it in the morning, so he never brought it up again. There were a few pics of you and Seungmin from where you first came to this apartment, another one with Minho and your parents… but one caught his eye. You both were smiling and had ice cream stains all over your face while Chan had his arm around your neck, and you were looking at each other with fondness.

He unwillingly smiled and let his head remember those moments you’re your coughing snaped his attention back to you. Chan frowned, and got up to pick up the medicine from the plastic bag he brought.

He grabbed a spoon from the drawer and sat back next to you “I brought medicine.”

You smiled grateful with your eyes still closed, feeling a shiver run through your body, feeling weaker as time progressed “You’re an angel, Channie.”

Chan tried to ignore the rush in his chest from hearing your voice say that nickname that you only use on very special occasions “Yeah, well, you owe me one, y/n.”

You’re still smiling, but your expression showed just how weak you were at the moment, making him more worried.

“Take this” he said taking a spoon full of medicine and approaching it to your face “open up.”

You obliged and swallowed the medicine, your throat hurting and not being able to swallow correctly. Suddenly, you shivered and frowned your brows.

“You have fever” Chan said picking up the thermometer from the cabinet next to you.

“No I don’t” you said sitting up a little bit to take a sip of the tea Seungmin made before leaving “I might be sick but I haven’t had a fever in ages, I doubt it. I just have to get up and freshen up a little bit and then I’ll be f-”

You were cut by Chan, who walked straight to you with a very serious expression on his face and a thermometer on his hand. He put his hand on your shoulder and pushed you down on the couch again, making you sigh in surprise.

“No, you’ll get your temperature checked and then you’ll lay down and sleep while I prepare you some soup so you can eat” he said with an authoritarian tone.

“But-” when you opened your mouth to complain, he took advantage of it and put the thermometer inside your mouth.

“But nothing. Close” Chan said looking straight into your eyes.

You closed your mouth and when he placed one of his hands in your neck to keep your head up, using the other one to check your forehead’s temperature, you felt how your cheeks got redder and redder by the second.

The thermometer’s sound was the only thing that could be heard in that moment, appear from your labored breathing. Chan took it out of your mouth with his hand, leaving one still around the nape of your neck.

“Jesus Christ y/n you’re burning” he said looking at the numbers in the screen “even your face is getting so red” you touched your cheeks and looked at him again. “come on, you have to rest.”

He grabbed your arm and helped you get up from the couch, placing his hand on your waist to help you balance and carrying you to your bed. Feeling the hot skin tightly against yours, you tried to convince yourself that the fever was the one to blame for your skin feeling like it was on fire.

When you were already lying down on your bed and covered with your blanket, you sighed in content.

“There.” Chan standed back. “Better?”

You looked at him with pure affection with your puffy eyes and smiled softly. “Yeah, it’s perfect.”

Chan smiled nervously and hurried back to the kitchen “I’ll make you some soup now, rest while it cooks.”

When he made his way back into your room with a freshly cooked bowl of soup, he found you sound asleep and smiled fondly. Chan placed the bowl in the table next to your bed and bowed down to kiss your temple, then turned the lights off and made his way out of the room.

But then he heard your voice and froze.

“Chan?” she whispered with a soft cough “can you lay down with me?”

He straightened up in surprise, turning around to face you. Even though it was dark, your face was slightly visible thanks to the dim light coming from outside of the room. And when you smiled at him shyly, he swore his heart skipped a bit

“Um,” he murmured nervously.

“Just lay with me? Please?”

The way you looked at him with your eyes was enough to make him leave any intention of refusing “Okay.” He sighed.

He took off his sneakers and, when you opened the blanket for him to get inside, he gently laid down, careful not to crush you or make you uncomfortable in any way.

You didn’t fall asleep, but enjoyed the silence and how Chan’s body felt next to you. A little while later you spoke softly “Hey” you said, your hand brushing his under the blanket “Thanks for coming over. I really needed this.”

Before he could stop himself, he placed his hand on her cheek, letting his thumb gently caress her skin.

“Of course,” Chan says softly. “I’ll always be here when you need me.”

You didn’t know if the fever was the one talking or you just let your filter slip because of your vulnerable state, but when the words left your mouth, you didn’t stop them “I really really like you Chan, I wish you could see me as something else than your best friend’s younger sister.” And before he had the chance of replying, you were sound asleep.

You didn’t notice it though, but for a solid hour, Chan couldn’t sleep, not one bit. Not after what you just so wholesomely honest said.

Just a couple hours later, you opened your eyes, blinking a few times before finding Chan peacefully asleep next to you.

You’re so close to him, close enough to appreciate how his honey skin glows with the faint rays of sun that come through the door and how his chest rises and lowers slowly with every breath he takes. You can also see how tight his arms are now that you can take a closer look. You supress the urgent need to caress his arm while you sigh, your head pounding, less than what it did a few hours ago but still hurting pretty bad.

You looked at Chan again, feeling really grateful for him. He actually came here today, and on his day off of all days. He took care of her and made her soup – even though it was long forgotten next to them.

A stray lock of his hair fell into his eyes when he slightly moved his head. Gently, without thinking, you reached across and slowly moved it to the side while admiring his face in the process. Chan stirred slightly, and his eyes fluttered open. You opened your eyes as wide as you were able and felt a sudden urge to pull your hand away as fast as possible. But when he smiled at you, your hand didn’t move one bit.

“Hey,” He whispered. “How are you feeling?”

“I am really feeling better” you smiled and closed your eyes to slightly change your position, your hand landing next to his leg. Chan felt nervous all out of sudden and, when his phone alarm boozed off, he got up and grabbed it.

“Wow, it’s gotten late. I should probably head out.”

But before he is able to leave, you grab his arm.

“Wait, um.” You nervously sat up a little “Do you wanna— can you maybe—” You sighed slightly and looked at him straight into his eyes. “Do you wanna stay?”

“I-” Chan opened his mouth “I have practice tomorrow and-”

“I know, I just, I really don’t want to be alone right now.” You cut him off.

He looks at you with a conflicted expression.

You’re about to tell him never mind— that it’s okay, and he’s right, he should leave before it gets any later— but then a slow smile appears on his face.

“I guess Seungmin won’t mind that I grab one of his pyjamas”.

A few hours and two bowls of soup later, you’re both ready to go to bed. Your fever went up a bit and you were feeling kind of dizzy, so you were avoiding getting up from the sofa.

Chan got closer to you and grabbed your hand to help you get up, but you instead made him sit again, very close to you this time.

You looked at him, feeling dizzy at how awesome he was. You must have stared for quite a while, because Chan looked at you worried.

“What?” he said, slowly caressing the arm that was outside of the blanket.

You locked eyes with him and, without thinking, you moved your head forward and kissed him.

Chan was surprised at first, but after a few seconds he returned the kiss with just as much enthusiasm. He intertwined his fingers with your hair and pulled you closer into the kiss – if that was humanly possible.

It ends too soon, though, when after just a few moments Chan pulls away.

“y/n” Chan sits straight and looks at you “You don’t mean this, you’re just sick.”

You look at him with your eyes filled with love and affection and place your hand on his cheek. “Chan, I absolutely mean this, believe me” and you got closer to him again, only a few centimetres between your mouth and his.

“Why do you only confess to me while you’re drunk or have a fever, y/n?” he said, looking at you with affection.

“Wait, what?” you said confused. You did not recall confessing to him apart from just a few seconds ago.

He smiled at your confused expression and lifter your chin, so you looked at him again “Nothing, doesn’t matter” and he closed the space separating you again.

And maybe the following morning Chan wakes up with a sore throat and a somewhat stuffy nose, but he doesn’t really care. What are days off for if it is not for enjoying them? You just have to learn how to accept the consequences.

[dreamescapeswriting]

[20:23] ~ Bang Chan [M]

I don’t own the gif, Credit to gif owner

Words: 910 

A/N: It’s Chan hard hours in this house, I’m sorry. He makes me the biggest baby for him, I wanna hug him but at the same time I want him to fuck me so hard I can’t walk. Alright. Bye.

"You like this huh? Me fucking into you when you know someone could walk in at any moment?" You whimpered as Chan's fingers began rubbing your clit as he fucked up into you. You'd only gone to the JYP building to take him some lunch but he ended up taking you on his lap and fucking you right under your skirt. If anyone was to walk in it would just look as though you were sitting on his lap while he worked but his dick was buried deep inside of you. 

"F-Feels good!" You cried out hands gripping onto the leather arms of his desk chair as his other hand, held you in place so he could thrust up into you at an unruly pace.

"Yeah? Does my little girl like this? Being fucked in public?" His hand moved from your clit to your neck and he choked you just enough to make you gasp for air just the way you liked it. 

"Oh fuck I can feel you clenching around my cock, you really love this don't you baby?" Your back arched and you fell forward gripping onto the desk so he could continue to fuck into you, hitting you deeper than before. 

"Close." You cried out loudly but there was a knock at the door, he grabbed your chest and yanked you backwards straightening your skirt to make you look like you were just sitting there. 

"Keep quiet baby...Come in!" The door opened and Changbin walked in with Han behind him, you stared at the screen that Chan had been working on before he started fucking you and he began talking to the guys like normal. 

"We came by to see how the track was coming along." Jisung said as he looked at you and then to the screen, he knew something was happening but he didn't know what. What they didn't see was Chan bucking up his hips to thrust into you while you slowly ground down your hips so he could hit your hilt, you bit down on your lip to muffle a moan and Changbin looked at you. 

"You alright?" You nodded in silence and he laughed at you going back to the track and hitting play on the keyboard. Chan's hand gripped onto your hips to hold you in place while he bucked up so fast and smooth no one would even tell, but you could. You could tell because the feeling of having the boys in the room was bringing you closer to your release with each small thrust. 

"Hyunjin said he and Felix are cooking tonight? Y/n are you coming?" Your eyes widened as the words left Jisung's mouth, you hadn't been paying attention, you were so close to your release you were doing anything to fight it off. But it was too much,

"Yes! Yes, I'm coming, I-I'm coming!" You yelled, the boys figured you were just being enthusiastic about the food but your orgasm had just hit you like a truck and you were shaking around Chan as you came around his cock but he continued to thrust into you. He wanted to grunt out as he felt you throbbing around his length but he managed to hold it all in.

"Yeah, we'll be there. She's just hungry." He held you down on his lap knowing you were trying to get off, the over stimulation was too much since he was continuing to buck into you, he didn’t care that you’d just cum you were going to do it again so he could enjoy it this time. Once the door was shut he pulled you back by your neck and held you in place so your ear was right against his lips. 

"You just came in front of them you dirty little slut, didn't even ask me for permission." You whimpered trying to apologize but he didn't want to hear it,

"You're gonna cum again, all over my cock and you're gonna scream out my name so they know what we're doing if they don't already." You clenched again and he smirked pulling on your neck tighter before he started marking you up, one of his favourite things to do was show people who you belonged to. 

"Is that what you want? I can feel you clenching, you love the idea of them knowing don't you." He chuckled thrusting up roughly into you, giving you no time to come down from your first high, everything was on fire. 

"You liked cumming right before their eyes." Your voice trembled as you tried to tell him you were close again, 

"I can feel you getting close again, do you want to cum?" You nodded desperate to get a proper release this time rather than the interrupted one you had just experienced,

"Please Chan, I-I need it." You begged and he smirked releasing your neck and drawing his hand down to your clit, circling it while he sucked on your neck. 

"Cum for me princess." He whispered in your ear, your whole body trembled and you began shaking around him as your orgasm washed over you sending a warm feeling throughout your body. 

"Fuck I'm coming Chan!" Your hands gripped onto the chair, your toes curled and you continued shaking around him as he released into you grunting out your name as he did so. 

"Shit baby," He whispered in your ear as he finally came down and looked at you, he pushed the hair away from your neck and kissed it softly where he'd been marking you up.

"So...Dinner?" You giggled getting off his cock but he groaned out as you did so, pushing his fingers into you and growling at you. 

"You keep every job inside of you all night and then you won't get punished for cumming without permission." He whispered pulling your panties back to cover your pussy before patting your clit over the fabric making you moan. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was terrible and I’m sorry, Chan hours be hitting me hard lately. 

@snowy-meowl​ @writingdreamsnottragedies​ @jooniesdarlingdimples​

[cherryeol04]

Boyfriend (M)

Pairings : Changbin x Reader Genre: Smut, funny, romance, cute Word Count: 2.4K Warnings: This story contains smut. If you are not comfortable with it, please skip!

The one thing Y/N is grateful for, is the fact that on Tuesdays, she doesn't have classes. That meant she was free to sleep in as long as she wanted, do whatever she felt like and she didn't have to worry about getting up and going somewhere. Unless she wanted to go out shopping with a friend, then that was a different story. But for the most part Y/N spent her days off in her cozy little apartment, just enjoying herself. Sometimes she would do a little cleaning, after all she tended to have her boyfriend over often and he wasn't the best at cleaning up behind himself. But bless his heart, he tried. Changbin was a terror normally, walking around the place like he owned it. Y/N was actually surprised that there wasn't a bigger mess when she got up that morning. All of his music producing equipment had been packed up and sat neatly in the small corner of the bedroom that Y/N had deemed his area.

He had complained, saying he should have a bigger spot. But she had countered that he hadn't moved in with her and wasn't helping to pay the bills. Once he did that, he could have as big an area that he wanted. It effectively shut him up because despite the fact they had been dating for over seven months now, moving in was a step that neither one of them was ready to make. It was hard to spend time with each other usually. If Y/N wasn't busy with classes and assignments, then it was Changbin who was locked up in a studio at the university with his friends and co-workers Jisung and Chan - working on their latest track for classes or to upload on Soundcloud. Changbin usually wouldn't leave the studio until the early hours of the morning, to sleep for maybe an hour or two before getting back up and heading to class. It was difficult for them to see each other, but they tried. 

Though not living together, they did leave things over at each other's places, an excuse they used to be over at odd hours of the day. Like yesterday when Y/N really needed a pair of shoes that would match her cute sundress, she had to drive all the way over to Changbin's apartment to get them. It was worth it because she saw his inability to care for himself and ended up making him dinner for that night and lunch for the next day, all neatly stacked in containers and left in the fridge with a sweet note waiting for him on the counter. It was the small things that made this relationship worth it. Because even if she didn't see him as much as she wanted, finding the sweet notes or receiving the crazy sleep deprived texts always put a smile on her face and reminded her how much she loved him.

Of course, those things didn't negate the fact that she was still a woman and she had needs. Strong urges and desires that struck at the most inopportune time. Recently she had been fighting a bout of horniness that always hit her right in the middle of her afternoon class and by the time she got home, it had left, leaving her very frustrated and unsatisfied. She had a plan, however, to fix that. Since it was her day off, she might as well spend it getting off to the thoughts of her boyfriend. A few good orgasms, a hot shower and Netflix sounded like the perfect way to spend her afternoon.

After making sure the apartment was in better condition than it had been, she started her little robot vacuum and made her way back to her bedroom. Stripping out of her pajamas, she situated herself on her bed and reached over to her nightstand, opening the bottom drawer. She was greeted with the sight of the many different sex toys she owned. A few dildos, but most were vibrators of different size, strengths and looks to them. She had one that mimicked the look of a real dick, but the rest were mostly pink and purple, some with bulbous mushroom heads. For the most part they were smooth and rounded, perfect for an easy glide inside, though she could never deny how much she loved the feeling of a head spreading her hole wide. She took a moment to think, eyeing each toy before she grabbed one of the smaller vibrators, purple and made of silicon. It almost mimicked the look of rubber and she loved it's squishy texture.  

Grabbing the lube, she closed the draw and laid the items out next her as she made herself comfortable. Parting her legs lightly, she slowly ran her hands over her thighs, just feeling herself for a moment - enjoying the pleasure brought to her. Working herself up was what she wanted to do as she grazed her fingers over every inch of skin she could reach, thighs trembling as she occasionally teased her clit. She wanted to take it slow, build it up. After all, she had all day to herself. 

———

Changbin hadn’t planned to go over to Y/N’s place. But when he got the email stating his class was cancelled for the day, he decided that maybe he could get in some early work at the studio and then spend the evening with his girlfriend. In his mind, it was a great plan, except for the fact that he had left his equipment at Y/N’s place. It’s not that he minded going over there, it was just that he couldn’t remember if she had classes today or not and he really wanted it to be a surprise that he was coming over. 

He could just simply not work and spend time with her now, but he knew that Jisung and Chan were at the studio already working, and he really wanted to go and help. Maybe he could just sneak in and sneak out? Or if anything he could just say he needed his things for after class. With excuse in mind, Changbin made his way to his girlfriend’s apartment, only a short 5 minute drive from the school. 

He easily let himself in with the key he had and when he didn’t see Y/N in the living room or the kitchen when he passed by, he figured that she probably wasn’t home. Which was great news for him. Walking to the bedroom, he had just pushed open the door when a moan filtered through his ears and he froze in his tracks. His eyes landed on the bed, watching as his girlfriend played with herself. Her hand twisted, moving as she thrusted a toy in and out of herself, vibrations growing louder before fading with each thrust. The fingers of her other hand worked over her clit shamelessly, pulling louder moans and sighs of pleasure. 

“F-fuck, Changbin.”

Changbin’s dick twitched at the sound of his name and he bit down on his bottom lip to suppress a moan that wanted to escape. 

“Deeper. Harder.” Y/N’s hand did its best to fulfill her wishes but even Changbin noticed it just wasn’t delivering the power she wanted. 

“Well, well, well. Isn’t this such a lovely surprise.” Changbin called out, voice conveying a sense of confidence he didn’t think he could muster with the way his heart was pounding rapidly in his chest. The noise surprised Y/N and she jerked, all movements stopping as she stared at her boyfriend with a guilt express. 

“What are you doing here?” She whispered, voice slightly horse from the loud whining and moan she had been doing moments before. 

“Well I came to get my mixing equipment but instead I found a sexy little minx on the bed, all spread out and playing with herself.” He said, watching as she closed her legs around her arm, trying to hide herself from his hungry gaze. Not that he hadn’t seen her like this before. They’ve had sex plenty of times before. This was just the first time Changbin had caught her playing with herself. 

“I-I-“

“Want some help?” 

Y/N nodded her head slowly, carefully pulling out the vibrator from within her and turning it off. She was thinking that if Changbin was offering help, he would fuck her. She didn't expect him to walk over and take the toy from her grasp and turn it back on as he knelt on the edge of the bed. His eyes raked over her naked body, taking in each and every curve - admiring how hard and beautiful her nipples were. Chuckling to himself, he moved closer, sitting between her legs and making himself comfortable. Y/N shivered at the new position and once again tried to close her legs and hide herself from view, but Changbin's hands reached out quickly, pushing her thighs apart once more. 

"Don't do that." he said lightly, voice barely above a whisper, even though there was no reason to be quiet. He stared into her eyes, gaze soft as he tried to convey reassurance and acceptance to her. It seemed to work as she slowly relaxed and let her legs fall open, putting herself on full display for the other. Licking his lips, Changbin grinned as he leaned forward, fingers twisting the top of the vibrator to turn it on the lowest setting. Reaching down, he carefully brushed the tip of the toy against her clit, chuckling as she jerked at the sudden touch to the sensitive nub. 

"Oh fuck." she panted softly, her back arching slightly. Her hips jerked as her abdomen tightened and she tried to pull away from the touch, but the toy followed. "Changbin." she whimpered softly.  Changbin chuckled as he moved the toy, rubbing it against her while watching the way her body spasmed against his touch. 

"You're so beautiful baby, do you like this?" he asked. She nodded her head quickly, soft whimpers leaving her as he moved the toy down further to press against her opening. The tip slipped in and vibrated against her sensitive walls and she keened for more - for Changbin to go deeper and harder. He didn't though. Instead, he pulled the toy out and brought it back up and teased her clit once more. A loud cry left her quickly and she jerked and trembled under his touch, chest rising and falling with quick breaths. "I want you to cum for me." he whispered. "Can you do that?" Y/N nodded her head, ready to cum for the other. She had been teasing herself relentless for who knows how long and she had been getting close to the edge when Changbin walked in.

"Please." she begged almost pathetically, head falling back as she let the pleasure wash over her body - back and hips arching to get more of the pleasure from Changbin. The toy slipped down once more and slipped into her, a deep gasp leaving her as it was turned up in volume and the vibrations increased. Changbin pushed the toy in deeply and Y/N cried out, feeling the vibrations through her core as he shallowly thrusted the toy in and out. "Chang-" Her plea was cut off as Changbin's hot, wet tongue ran over her clit and she spasmed at it. "Oh fuck yes." she cried out and whimpered. Reaching down, she ran her fingers through his hair once before tangling them into the soft strands. Her hips jerked down, rocking down against his mouth and hand. He thrusted the toy in harder, angling it upwards as it stroked her walls - grazing against her g-spot every now and then to heighten the pleasure. His mouth worked over her clit, sucking and licking on it hungrily as his noisy slurps filled the room.

Y/N was tense under him, toes curling as the pleasure mounted inside her. She could feel it, the pressure getting ready to be released and she was so ready for it. "Changbin." she breathed out. "I'm going to cum." she gasped out. It was the only warning she could give as the pleasure reached its peak too quickly. She cried out as the tension released and her body jerked, hole clenching around the toy that was still moving inside her. "Oh fuck! Fuck!" she cried out, panting heavily as she rode out the waves of her orgasm. As she slowly calmed down, Changbin slowly turned down the vibrations of the toy, letting her get used to each level before turning it off slowly and slipping it out. Pulling back from her, he smirked, licking his lips clean of the sweet juices he had been lapping at. Tossing the toy onto the bed, he leaned over and ran a hand gently over her stomach, dragging it up and over each breast, teasing her nipples light with a smile. 

Whining, Y/N smacked at his hand lightly, but didn't push him away as he went back to rubbing his hand over her body. Leaning down, Changbin pressed a gentle kiss to her lips, followed by a few more kisses to her neck and one to her forehead. "You did so good baby," he whispered. "How do you feel?"

"Amazing." she whispered and looked up at him with a wide smile, eyes sparkling with the remnants of pleasure and love and adoration. "Thank you baby." she whispered. Changbin chuckled and gave her another kiss before sitting back on his heels.

"You're welcome." Shifting, he climbed off the bed and grabbed the covers, pulling them up and over her body, tucking her in. "Take a nap babe."

"What about you?" she asked, frowning as she looked down at the obvious boner he was sprouting, before looking back up at him.

"I'll be fine. I need to go and do some work." he told her and pressed a gentle kiss to her temple before pressing his face against the top of her head gently. "Get some sleep okay? I'll see you later tonight. We can play then." he assured her as he pulled back and stared down at her.

"Promise?" 

"Promise." 

She wasn't happy, but she accepted it and after pulling Changbin down for one more kiss, she let him go and curled up on her side. She watched as he moved and grabbed his things, blew her a kiss and left the room. She could hear his footsteps echo lightly as he walked down the hall and eventually the door opened and closed as he left. Alone once more, she let her eyes close, ready to nap with the knowing promise that she could return the favor to him later. And she honestly, couldn't wait.

Tags: @runningonkpop @clandestine-lixie @jisungsjheekies @luminouskalopsia​ @straysrachaa​ @mrbangchannie​ (to be added, go here)

[dalamjisung]

bedroom ceiling, part two ✽ bang chan

word count: 1665

genre: fluff

pairing: bang chan x reader

description: you type and delete and type and delete and you finally send.

[inspired on the song BEDROOM CEILING by SODY: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbUOL39weZY]

Hey.

You stare at the message for what feels like the whole night. Grey only, no blue. For someone who has been writing messages for weeks, you feel pretty pathetic not knowing what to write now. Your ceiling, still staring at you, still quiet and all-knowing, mocks you now; laughs at your face as you sob in your pillow, desperate for help, for comfort.

The sun, early and bright, now shines in your face, and you stare at it– you stare hoping that you’d see something, a hint. Guidance. That’s what you need. A soothing voice, calming words… you need someone to tell you what to do, what to think. You’ve exhausted yourself over the past weeks thinking too much, crying too much, sleeping too little, and you just can’t do it anymore. But it doesn’t matter since he’s voice is the only one you want to hear. His embrace the only one you want to feel and his words are the only ones that matter. Truth is, you don’t know how to live without Bang Chan. Things are not as beautiful as he made them seem and you just want that back. You just want him back.

H…

Hi.

You can’t believe you did it, but it is almost like your hands work on their own, reaching out for him. Take me, they seem to scream. Take me again and never let me go. 

How you’ve been?

Isn’t that the true question? How have you been? Would it be okay to tell him that you’ve been miserable, barely alive, ever since he left? Would it be acceptable to say you’ve been crying every night just so you can fall asleep, otherwise you’ll just be up for days, again? Or should you lie, like you’ve been lying to everyone else and say you’re fine?

Sighing, you frown, remembering the many times Chan made a point of telling you you couldn’t lie to him��� he’d always know, because he knows you. Does he though? Does he still know you, now, after all the heartbreak? 

Do you know you? 

How have you been?, is your answer. He is the one that left, you reason. He should be the one answering first. 

Terrible.

Same.

Can we talk?

Yeah.

Okay.

Open the door, please. 

I’m outside.

You can’t move. You’ve been waiting weeks to hear that sentence, to see it, but now you have it, you can’t move. He’s there, with his fluffy hair and bright eyes and soothing words but you are not sure you are ready to hear them, see him. You are not ready to face the doubt that now follows Chan around– is he the one for me?

Something inside you snap and you are moving, running, more like it, to put things in their rightful place, but then you stop. Ever since he left, nothing’s been right; who are you trying to fool? And why?

“Come on, Y/N,” You mutter to yourself, hand on the door knob. “It’s okay. It’s Chan. It’s Chan, oh my god, it’s Chan–“

Relief washes over you and you throw yourself into his open arms as soon as you see him, eyes dull and smile gone, but still there. He steps towards you and you meet each other halfway, the embrace much more than just a mere I miss you or I love you. It is reassurance, that embrace; a reminder that yes, he left, and yes, you let him, but no matter what, you find each other again… even things don’t go back to the way they were. 

Pulling yourself away, you take your time looking into his eyes, and how tired they look. He reminds you of yourself and you feel like crying.

“Hey,” He says, and you can just hear the nervousness in his voice. “Can I come in?”

“This is still your home,” You nod, giving him space. “For now, at least.”

“Y/N…” 

“Why are you here?”

Ain’t that the million dollar question? Better to just get it out of the way than to pretend everything is fine and dandy… because you are not sure you’ll be able to handle the let down after it.

“Why are you here, Chan?” You ask again, ignoring the crack in your voice. “I need to know.”

“Me too,” He sighs. “I need to know too because all I remember is going out for a walk and ending up in front of our door!”

Our. The word, so short and quick, makes you feel as if everything it’s okay, because that’s not your door, or his door… it’s both of you guys’, because that’s still his home, too. 

“What happened that day?” He asks and you finally gather enough courage to move your eyes from your feet to look at him and goddammit, you’ve never seen Bang Chan this sad before. He has a crooked, humorless smile on his face, and his hands firmly grip each other, and if you know anything about him, which you do, it is because he wants to hold your hand in comfort, but knows he can’t. “I don’t even remember what happened, why we fought.”

“We–“ And you stop, because honestly, you don’t quite remember it either. You remember bits and pieces of what it seems like a muted film; you remember shouting and crying and slamming doors, but it’s like you can’t hear any of it. He walks out the door and you let him, locking yourself in the bathroom. And then he doesn’t come back. “We… don’t remember.”

“This is ridiculous,” He murmurs, furiously rubbing his face. “I love you. It’s driving me insane how much I love you and how much I regret everything that happened– whatever it was. Nothing is worth this, Y/N… it’s been weeks, and I haven’t slept more than three hours a night.”

“I cried myself to sleep every night,” You admit, cheeks burning red but the release of the secret makes you feel better already. “Being alone here is… suffocating.”

He nods. Scooting over to you, his hand find yours, pale and shaking. 

“I want us,” He says. “I want us again.”

“Me too,” You nod, and suddenly it happens. The memories, fast, like a brink onto your head, come back, all at once, all shouting in your ears.

Jesus, Y/N, why can’t you understand?! I love you but this is my job!

I’m so sorry I’m late again, babe… please, you have to understand.

Understand, please– this is not easy on me and I know it’s not easy on you, but we can make it!

The nights away from each other and the endless talks about hurt feelings; the many nights by yourself, the many fights with yourself… and then you see him, walking through the door, arms open and tired smile, just for you. 

It fits. Everything is work and it’s hard, but it fits. You and Chan fit. Him singing you to sleep fits. You waking him up with tickles and kisses fits. You happy fits. This is more than enough for you. 

“You were working late again,” You whisper, eyes shut tight. “And I called, again and again and again, and when you came back I think I was ready for a fight or something, because you didn’t even unpack your backpack… we just fought.”

He looks at you with solemn eyes, head nodding as you jog his memory too. 

“You were ready too,” You remember his furrowed brows and tight mouth and you know Chan like the back of your hand, and that is the face of a man ready for a fight. “You came in already defensive and I guess I didn’t take that super well. We started spitting out accumulate stuff– I was angry that you missed another date and you were angry that I didn’t pickup my phone. It was small stuff, but they get bigger and bigger with time, Chan. They were huge, then. If we– when we start over, because we have to, Chan, we can’t go back to they way it was before; when we start over we need to… say it. We need to let it out. We say ‘I love you’ every morning, every night, why can’t we say ‘I’m hurt’ or ‘I’m sad’?”

“Y/N…” He is crying. Your hands move on their own and they wipe stray tears from his cheeks, holding his face in your palms. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

“So am I,” You nod, resting your forehead on his. “It’s on both of us, love. We gotta do better, not only for each other, but ourselves, yeah? We can’t forget that we are people too, and we feel happy, hurt, anger, confusion. We can’t forget that. Because I mean it when I say that you are it, Bang Chan, and I can’t– I can’t–“

“You won’t,” He kisses you fast, wanton; and you know he’s telling the truth. You trust him. “Because you are it for me, too, Y/N. One day we’ll get married, and have kids, and live a normal life, and I can’t wait for that, but I’d really love to enjoy our present. I want us now and forever. I want more days in the park, and banters about our favorite show, and nights talking and staring at the ceiling– I want it all with you.”

The night ends in your room– both you guys’ room,– with the moon shining in and silence wighting you down to sleep. After he kisses you goodnight, and sings you a lullaby, get comfortable, until you open your eyes again, and they are fixed on your ceiling. A shiver runs through your spine and you turn towards the warmth that is draped around your body, face hiding in Chan’s neck. He moves and grunts and pulls you closer. 

“I love you,” He whispers and falls right back to sleep.

“You have no clue,” You whisper back. “How much I love you.”

------------------------

hello my loves! I am back with part two of ‘bedroom ceiling’ and I really hope you all enjoy it! As always, let me know what you think in the comments, it means the world to me to know what you all think when you read my stories <3

[multifandomfix]

Imagine Geralt stopping just to watch you because he’s so enamored with you.

As you stooped to tie up the knot on your boot that had come loose, you didn’t expect to have Geralt stop with you. You felt his eyes on you and as you finished tightening the lace you caught him staring. "What," you asked. "Something wrong?"

Geralt only shook his head and you wound up shrugging it off.

Later, the bag you carried on your shoulder started to weigh on you. You were some distance ahead of Geralt at this point, but he caught up quickly and to your surprise, he reached out to take the bag from you. You allowed him to and smiled softly, a little in awe of how attentive he seemed to be.

For @szk-only

[jonathankatwhatever]

It’s almost 31 August 2024. I have been making great strides in the translation of the work into fundamental computing concepts, notably into Turing Machines.

I seem to be healing, but that is going slow. Bleeding appears largely over, which is good. Heavy congestion. Mild headache. Inability to focus all the way in on anything.

That last is an application of some of the work of the last few days, in which I’ve been articulating the idea of SBE3+1 focus as levels or layers relating to the optimal level for the context which should fit, which is trying to fit, which would be the read, the next all the way to a continuous sense, so the concept of context and End come together. It means that when you hear music, you can hear it into your fingers or you can be appreciating from afar or you can be caught somewhere in the middle, like not close enough for fluency, or at a distance which trivializes so you don’t enjoy or appreciate as much. It’s nice to be able to see these gsProcesses as representable through Turing Machines, and thus through BB(n), meaning the limits of the count generated by the Turing Machines for that count of n.

I can keep going here. Just start, please. Okay, so we have Pairing as a core concept. That is binary, and that is basic method of an algorithm, that it has 2 states. It actually has 4, of course, because each state can be a 1 or a 0. That’s IC and LC then makes sense because that pulls apart the explicit specification. I no longer have trouble believing the math is airtight.

So what we have is that SBE is a state shift in Turing Machines. Build it out in D-structure. Generate grid squares. See the K’s and the 2:1 to 2 and so on. In those statements is construction of grid squares out of Triangular, and thus the operational overhead space, plus the enclosing counts which enable the operations to occur. We discussed that in n-1 terms because n is countable infinity, and finite counts come out of that, whenever a count is labeled.

So we uniquely generate the operation of Turing Machines. And you can, as we said before, see the tape in zK, and can see the writing to and from the tape in the sK. Referring to the line as szK is appropriate because it can be pulled into those two forms, which Attach Between.

Our conversations about halting were correct. I realized the n-1 concept explains that halting is only true when the gsProcess is abstracted sufficiently because all gsProcess which is not so abstracted is finite. What is sufficiently? It doesn’t fault, find a counter-example, doesn’t betray, each of those generating a 0 at the End of a string of 1’s. This is why our conclusion that it halts except when all traces of its finiteness are removed. Example was that any process which requires checking halts because the checker will halt. The checker process may then be eternal, but every instance is finite. I mean that if you have a loop, then each repeat of the loop generates a discrete result with the infinite being Attached to that result in the 1-0-1 chain. You can see it: the 0-1-0 fits until it doesn’t, which makes a fault. That’s true of your process, and thus a mathematical explanation for why betrayal gets in my head, and why it gets in human heads in general. It’s the idea that there’s another loyalty which makes a 0 and halts the processes which rely on the state, which embody the state of single loyalty or assured loyalty and thus of deepest trust.

This would be a good place to mention Bolzano-Weirestrass. I’ll forget otherwise. Pieces fit together.

Sneezing when you can’t sneeze is difficult. Doesn’t satisfy the urge and increases congestion.

Before I turn this off for the night, I wanted to mention fCM. When I said SBE is state shifting, that means a movement of either left or right in the K’ing or both, because Between establishes the pairings. A simple way to see this would be to imagine chains that lead to this choice or that choice, like even or odd, which are two separate choice within the idea of choice, meaning specified, meaning CM16 matches as described. Now the work about CM64 comes back, with the IC of CM16 appearing and thus of CM128 and more. But also of CM100 and CM36. All of that work is now correct.

And 50:50 appears. Along the Bhyp and the SBE, which stand in for sK and zK here.

So when people see something which is logical to them but not truly logical, the Turing Machines don’t generate those faults, which means the focus level is not at the szK but is displaced. That’s a pleasant way of saying you can’t see the holes in your own argument, and that compares to the szK, giving a measure of that distance.

I’m running out of gas. That’s good. I need sleep.

[jonathankatwhatever]

It’s 24 July 2024, which is lovely to look at, days and years identified over months, centuries, and millennia. What is a grid square? I saw the answer in a Metaphoric Bundle a few days ago. I’ve been trying to focus on it since, but I’m having trouble with that process: everything cuts off quickly, and that invokes the spreading of a K form appearing on the szK, so the corners of each grid square form. This layers grid squares over each other, with the simplest example being the Bip layer in which we take a grid and connect the Bips to make another grid. In easier words, it’s a grid offset so the corners of one are at the center of the other. This does not have to happen in ‘flat’ projection: an example is gsPyramids, which generates the Bip pole or axis through a grid square.

As you can see, when magnified, this generates permutations which reach End to End over that fD-like form. We usually use fD in Triangular, so I’m not sure what to call one drawn over a gsPyramid. It’s Triangular over gs, and that has the two implications - pardon my excitement - that Triangular draws on the outside of the gs or on the inside. That is perhaps unclear because it came in a flash. Triangular draws over gs refers to the operation of Triangular within a Thing field. When Triangular draws within a gs, then it fits the field to the Thing as the inside of the containment (used because it references so many ideas, like JvN universes). That enables the inside perspective, meaning the Thing’s perspective. As in, imagine a gnat flying around your exposed ankles. That models to this same image because it’s a pairing of a large object with a triviality which demands some degree of attention, like a star and a planet.

I just saw a disaster flick in which Jupiter explodes, killing all life on Earth. The thread went: Sun feels planet tug, rotation of Jupiter seen in rings, the stresses enable bleeding from within, visible as a red spot, and then it became sci-fi with either Jupiter being blown up or going through the whole ‘observations of Jupiter show …’ movie. All in a few seconds.

Triangular inside gs. It constructs in gsPyramidal space. Has to because otherwise it is in 0Space with the irrationals. What does that look like? It’s the series of gsPyramids and thus of that fD form, with HG form appearing as the fD reflects or rotates to that ideal. You can see what Coordinate Rotation is now, which is exciting. It’s the 1Space relation of the contextual relationships which meet at an End, and this enables us to, for example, look at a figure skater as see a jump which we can count and score as a whole while examining in extreme slow-motion each aspect and each perfect or imperfect movement and reaction as the jump actually occurred. At larger scale, you can map wars based on whose army goes where in what time, with each movement along the way existing both as part of the whole and as its own moment.

That finally grounds CR properly. It needed gsPyramids.

I’m seeing an End with 1 or 2 gsPyrimids that shift around, and you’d think they’d collide but they don’t because they can overlap within a Thing. I guess that means this maps a Thing as a gsPyramid moving infinitely fast so the face of the pyramid draws a sphere. Or a sphere of sorts because each spot is actually a gs but they get tiny or very large, disappearing in either direction into a point. Large is a point in the sense of the point at infinity; it’s the implied point when you go big. That’s a very nice statement.

This largely translates the MB. Came as a complete surprise to me.

I spent a big portion of yesterday reading about infidelity. It took a while to realize I’d already heard all these story elements in my head. That meant a finite threading potential. I saw some were voices or decision pathways generated by bad wiring, meaning responses to abuse or to inheritance of either traits or combinations of traits. An interesting one was a guy broke up with his relatively long-term girlfriend when he learned that she was going slow with him, because she saw him as relationship material, while having sex with another guy. There are female equivalents. These are interesting because it’s a counting issue, a version of 1 and 0, meaning he counted the relationship as being 1 when she was counting it as 0 or she was counting it as -1 to 0 or the like. Not sure how to reconcile that: each projects into the constructed space negative to positive so each counts to the relationship ‘pole’ and he was there in this example but she wasn’t.

The sense of betrayal in that story is interesting. In trust terms, it’s about readability and togetherness: if one perceives them as being on the same page while the other does not, then in most cases it doesn’t matter, like a gnat whose bite itches but goes away, while others are more fundamental to the relationship, meaning trust in not only fidelity but in the ability to see that in the other. That’s where - sorry, the cat keeps knocking the screen over - we see Triangular over and inside gs. You can see this across dimensions: yes or no choices like kids, where you live, family involvements, work, friends, inappropriate behaviors, addictions, etc. Each is a bundle of permutations and can be seen as a sheaf, referring to topology and abstract algebra attaching these contextual processes, which invokes fCM decision-making.

It’s been very difficult for me to work through this material. I hate having thoughts of betrayal in me, and they’re very difficult to analyze because they pull at non-verbal permutations, meaning they invoke intense imagery. This suddenly reminds me of a fundamental lesson in my existence here: the realization that the great flashing light in my head about my left hand was meant to attract attention, not to deflect it. I remember the moment: I was standing in a converted garage playing pool and it was cold enough that when I picked up the balls I could feel a difference between my hands in a new light, one which said ‘the only difference is that it feels different’, meaning drop the negative associations of damaged, weak, dependent. Looking at my betrayal fears has been a similar process, though I can’t know the outcome because I am a Thing.

At least I have been able to formalize the ideas better. Example is those who think they can. This comes from not understanding how Actualities Register, that you can’t escape or hide who you are and what you do because each you is a Thing, and you are described in the Registry. Not quite the same idea as written in the Book of Life idea, but similar.

This also reaches judgment, a topic that has also been in my mind lately. The old idea is that judgement is algorithmic, that it’s imposed on each Thing. That is correct. But that’s 1Space. Stories about judgement are Triangular inside, meaning they occur within that universe. This is true for individuals and for groups and for all.

How do you stand the pressure of that? Must be terrifying. It has been to me. The feeling that a lapse has such consequences. And I don’t exactly face a lot of temptation, especially since I intentionally wall myself off from it as it becomes visible. Except for injuring myself doing too much, and I may be improving on that, given I have now lifted for over 2 weeks every day with only good effects. I’m actually being careful and I’m paying no attention to what others do.

I think I’ve been stalling to avoid saying what I keep hearing in my head, that while individuals and some groups ‘go to heaven’, it’s a contextual heaven, a D4-3 heaven. That means it’s destructible, which is why in one portion of the Mission Storyline, we are here: to see if a connection can be made from the larger field, from the Triangular over gs which includes this universe (and the set of universes within). If that connection is positive, then that heaven becomes connected over the Boundary so the D4-3 construction Attaches to the larger universe which contains it.

This point or step or whatever you call it is, I’m almost sorry to say, a direct reflection of the way the Boundary reflects at Things what the Things see in the Boundary. In eternal concepts, people see versions of God which justify all sorts of terrible horrible acts and thoughts, and they think that’s holy because they see themselves reflected.

I need to stop for a while. Need to move around.

[jonathankatwhatever]

It’s end of 19 July 2024. Not sure where my perspective is at. I worked through the Collatz thing again, after finding out how many wrong proofs exist. That threw me until I realized it’s something which appears approachable. It just counts simple integers. If you don’t realize this counts grid squares, then you think only in 0Space solution terms, which I’m not sure is possible without a fudge. From 1Space, the problem always becomes SBE3, Attachment, and Halving. Take SBE3. Please. In this case, we are using the value of n as the value of SBE, and the 3 is the drawing of that along the various K axes in the usual manner of xK, yK, and szK. So you can thus imagine fairly easily a gs sheet with an SBE3 of whatever n.

The Attachment is the +1, and thus we have a translation into SBE3+1. That means this n value for SBE3 + that 1 is related to the counting of base10 (which includes the 1+SBE3). This establishes a continuity across n. Note that n-1 comes into play here: when we begin with an n, we are counting from the implicit n-1 of that Attachment, meaning we can subtract 1 and Halve or divide by 3. So odds would count backwards to an even, which would Halve, and then we’re off to the races in the positive direction +1. So any n is part of a chain that goes back a step from n and then forward as well as being part of a chain that runs from n on.

The general idea remains the same: each +1 generates an IC, which is how each n along the szK connects to CM1. That’s the basic proof in a nutshell: each n generates through this process. But is that correct? Take 1 and use a different route: can’t Halve so treat as SBE and multiply by 3 to get 3, and +1 to IC at 4. That is the basic construction of an IC. This is at 4szK, but that counts back to CM1 by counting only the corners, meaning the IC relationship forms over the Between, always over Between. In the basic 4Square, Between is reduced to the grid lines. Or rather, generates as and into the grid lines, because then it’s shifted out of the visible.

I can scarce believe I’ve made it through this material. There’s a lot of mind-bending. So the gist then is that the connection to base10 is clear or at least clearer: relationship over SBE3+1 has different applications and thus different effects. In base10, the relationship is scale. We’re counting gs differently, as a flat sheet, so the relation is to the fCM form, which is IC or LC, if you prefer. That is, the count of 4 along a K axis, generates CM16, which manifests how the 2 is 1 and the 1 is 2, and thus how IC and LC work together. Or rather, if this is a better idea, they map together.

It’s interesting, isn’t it, to see what has never before been seen. The sensation of it coming into being is complicated. This happened in about 1 hour, but that included me getting ready for bed, trimming my beard, and otherwise futzing around while I tried to think about this. So maybe 40 minutes, of which 30 were spent trudging through the first 2 paragraphs.

[jonathankatwhatever]

It’s now 30 Apr 2024. I don’t hope to match yesterday’s productivity. I don’t have words to fit that.

What separates dimensionality of the szK form from dimensionality of the LayerView. The latter invokes complexity on its walk. Set this up in ideal, so the rs overlays the gs near as we can tell, no distortions, distance minimized. We’d do that by setting up a Bip with the Alternation of CR matched in cycle to appear constant generating the same dimensionality at the Bip. A sort of suspension, which translates into the various concepts which describe suspensions, tensions, etc. Imagine something like a trampoline: when you jump on it, how you land where you land generates a return movement, which can be straight up, and to a certain height. Or be a flop or fall off to the side in some minor or material sense.

Now make the trampoline respond very fast and time the drop of you over and over to that until the movement is apparently continuous. In this, the height of that Bip is, for this measured period, the entire displacement. Like a heavier you displaces more. This invokes construction variation, so we see the actual Bip represents everything from a hole being driven through the trampoline because you outweigh the connecting fabric’s tensile strength (either ideally or because the bucket has gone to the well). This enables the entire range of responses within the overall potential, which expands past the tObject of the imaginary trampoline, into the iObjects which link the Thing to other Things, into all those abstractions. In other words, if the domain is the tangible, then into the intangible domain, which starts I hope to get me into dimensionality.

The basic idea would be more of the same is LV dimensionality and that constructs szK dimensionality. So szK dimensionality is different constructing the more of the same. Like the difference between bottom up and top down. Example is counting an army or team or even a person by ledger strength versus experience or other measure of ripeness.

I’m going back to bed.

[jonathankatwhatever]

I’m amazed at how the physical processes have continued though I’ve been ill, and am still not better. It’s 29 Jan 2024, and I spent over an hour yesterday in the cold rain doing unusual movements, shall we say, up and down and around Peter’s Hill in the Arboretum. This included opening my voice in new directions, and realizing the extent to which making a substitition of continuity of expression for continuous state of being is mattering. Yes, that’s an awkward wording but I didn’t expect to say it until it forced me. I have substituted a continuity of expression for the idea that a state occurs and you count away from it, that it holds, like in the Wheel conception.

We get the Wheel in the creation of a number line, meaning an Extent because one Irreducible has to remain fixed so the Extent continues, which of course may be a straight road like the integers in order or some other pathway like Collatz which relates integers according to a specific modular form which combines the counts of 2 and 3, as they relate to 1.

I haven’t thought about that in a while. Where are we? Take some number. We know it constructs using SBE and Halving/Doubling or H/D, so any integer is a half, and what it asks is if we restrict to only integers, what happens? The argument has been that all those counts, of any integer, are all counts of 1, all forms of 1, and 1 will return to 1 because that’s the basic identity in SBE. The identity is multiplying by 3 is not obvious, but it’s that the number enlarged reduces to its initial value 1-3-1, where the 3 is the 0. So you Halve if even or +1, meaning you Attach the structure, if odd to make it even. Stop when you hit a non-integer other than 1.

The basic argument is then that there must be another path back to 1, which isn’t a proof statement but a statement of the problem itself. So when we look at the path, you’re saying each value has the same underlying truth that it was also counted by and is 1. Oh, that means symbolic manipulation works and we treat this as 1-0-1. So why does that reduce to 1? Look at the method as 1-0-1, SBE being the value of that particular 1, which when Halved divides into 2 then 1, and really then from IC, meaning it always falls into context and fCM. So imagine this as a count of gs along the szK: take some szK, wave the SBE wand, and mark where you are. Halve or Attach and Halve. Repeat until hit non-integer, then repeat SBE etc., meaning this generates the basic loop of 3 4 2 1 3 4 2 1, which counts 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2, which counts 1 1 1 1 1, and which counts that then between 1 and 2, 2 and 1, as opposed to 1 and 0, 0 and 1, which allows the infinite inference over and to CM1 and 1 in regular terms.

In other words, into 1 and counting other forms which reflect values off 1, including equals. So, if we start with a line of 1’s, then on top of that, we build a line of 1 2 1 2’s, then on top of that we build a line of 3421’s - compressing out the spaces to type easier - we reach the Collatz form. We have thus connected the form to a construction of counts of 1 using basic Triangular expressing as the sum or difference of a pair. From that, each possible Collatz form constructs. And each form clearly connects to 1 because it’s literally constructed out of a chain of 1’s. I think that says that since you can construct a Collatz form, it must connect to 1 somehow. Yes, it does, because the next step appears to be that each 1 in that line of 1’s is whatever n integer.

Try to spell that out better. Do you think Al will be impressed? I truly hope so. Don’t try: do.

Any n integer is in the same chain of 1 difference as any other. Got that. I hear her saying the hang up in your head is that shift from the chain of 1’s to the value of n. A number like 34 or 789382048 is in this chain. Now you should be able to see the szK line of gs with each of those labels as integers. Now imagine the focus narrowing on one gs and you see how the Collatz form constructs. That 3n is now SBE, a count of 3 along the szK which maps to any count of any n times 3.

This is getting really good, isn’t it? I love when that happens. It’s been a total surprise to me. I had no idea I would think about Collatz, let alone take it to this level of proof where we’re making a simple but deep argument about the nature of numbers in this constructible universe. I need to let this sit, but this appears to be an actual proof. It uses very basic Georg Cantor-like techniques. I’m going to post this and see what happens when I put it out of my head.

Didn’t even talk about how my movement is continuing to change. Or the way my grooming has become more confident and clear. Or how my chest movement and breathing are improving.

It’s now 8:40AM and the cat and I took a break for a scratch session.

[jonathankatwhatever]

About adoration. I want to look up at you with unconditional eyes, with total acceptance of your caring for me, as the literalization of the inversion scheme. If I capitalized that, it would be perfect, because that is the fundamental attribute of IS, that it inverts over the 2T space, as represented by invertible Ends along the szK, generating into and out of the Bip of Between.

I need to explain that vision better. The image is of 4gs, which is important because at 4gs there is a translation into 4Square, which is what we’ve often called IC without realizing this part. So as I’m seeing this, we connect layers exactly as we laid this out in fCM, at the multiples of 1 to 4, there is a grid square orthogonal, meaning the basic premise of the ‘invisible axis’ which projects into the flat grid. This requires a mechanism by which projection can occur, meaning some form of lens. That lens requires transmitting information down to the projection. Imagine that happening from both sides in a pair, then imagine one shifting all the way around in either direction. Then imagine how this must occur globally and locally, so the projection mechanism, which remember also generates D3 and thus 3 dimensional reality within D-structure, must be highly portable, which is the conception of God accompanying the Israelites around Sinai as a portable God, one who comes with you rather than one who ties you to a place. Another reason I see the genesis of the Jewish idea as wanderers who learned by being settled in Egypt, with much of the story being an ancient separation or purity story. Weird thing is I was thinking about this earlier today, in the context of Ishmael and the way Jews act as canaries in coal mines, given they’re connected to Christianity and Islam, and to any group of dispossessed at some point in their history, but particularly African-Americans, who identify as Ishmael. The point of the canary is to tell when the air is bad, and the air is bad because the lesson is not learned: these are separation stories, not stories about blame, so when you take over Jewish stories for your purposes, you blame Jews because you are making your separation story.

Interesting because I identified Jesus with you a few days ago. I mean he talked to me with the most sincere honesty and care. And I remember the other voices better now too, and the discussions about what each had in them, good and bad, but very carefully without judgement because so much of what we talked about was the failure of Christianity to teach the ideals of Christianity, meaning they could not understand them, which of course was explained to me as part of my job, that being to develop an indisputable proof.

Is that done? I don’t mean written but done. I know I wrote a version out some years ago; I saw a copy of it in my old papers as I packed them. If we assume those ideas were largely correct, then we’ve added substantially to the understandings as we’ve generated the math to go with the ideas. I mean we’ve added the detail.

That’s another example of inversion: a Metaphoric Bundle can expand from a moment’s detail or from a far more general level. This maps in both cases as from an End to the 1-0Segment. BTW, you can see here why we need 1Segments: the simplification of messaging, of processing, when the connections from the 3rd End are 1Segments, meaning they run one way at a time.

Every single bit of the math backs up this specific form of entanglement. And from that we can build everything.

My head is starting to spin. I did some of the most demanding stretches, twists, movements as I was typing this. A lot of deep knee work, left side pulling out, right side contraction, and so on.

Oh, I’m letting my beard grow out. I realized today it meant I could cut my hair to be sleeker, so I did that and I like it.