#it's upsetting and I don't know how to process it

[thelindenpapers]

"who taught you that suffering in silence was noble, and how would you shutting up have benefited them?"

It's often something you learn when you're in an abusive or oppressive situation.

Especially long-term.

And especially if those long-term situations occur multiple times throughout life.

I grew up in an extremely racist/misogynist community.

They learned that they couldn't bully or intimidate me ...but they would pick on anyone who tried to defend me.

And that later expanded into them shunning or bullying anyone who I let on that I liked, or even worse, was crushing on.

I grew up with an abusive, fascist father.

He killed our dog. Why? Because it kept angrily and loudly barking every time he was trying to hurt Mom and me.

More than that: in my childhood community, anyone I tried to talk to would either ignore me like I was a ghost, or, shout slurs and death threats in my face. I'm talking early on in life: Before kindergarten, Kindergarten to at LEAST thru 3rd grade.

So:

You learn that anyone you like gets punished for the grevious faux pas of being liked by you.

You learn that anyone who tries to help you, gets hurt or even killed.

You learn that almost nobody comes to help when you cry for help.

You learn that even trying to talk or say 'Hi' to people, results in them suddenly appearing harmed or troubled or annoyed or angry, somehow.

...And why wouldn't I be silent?

As a feral kid, no one was going to listen to me anyway, no one was going to care how I felt about anything or about how anything was affecting me.

And if I did tell?

People frequently took the abuser's side.

Just as the cops did, the very first time I was finally old enough to threaten dad right back!

Don't even get me started on my marriage.

How long are you supposed to keep on telling a person, 'Hey, these are my needs, and I need your help to get something done about it please.

Hey, I should probably see a doctor, why aren't you letting me have access?

Hey, we really need to talk about our relationship. I don't know why you don't want to spend bonding time together.

Why are you making it so difficult for me to try to get a job or an education?

Why are you sabotaging my writing efforts?

Why do you get so upset at my physical activities?

What is with the panic when you see I'm trying to advance my tech skills?

Why does it anger you so much when I try to be proactive and vigilant in making us a comfortable and clean and helpful home?'.....

He actually complained to me:

"Why can't you just LIE?"

About being happy.

About being well.

So yeah.

Why would I want to ask his (or his parents) help in anything. I can't trust them at all.

Why would I allow someone to help if it might get them hurt or killed in the attempt?

Why would I bother to let anyone know? When, after SO many years of being stuck in a deep pit of a life, to help me would probably cause WAY more stress and take WAY more effort and resources, than any one person could possibly offer or endure?

Why would I do that?

When someone might decide to try and help, start the process -- decide partway through that it's all too much, and abandon the process: leaving me in a position that is less safe than where I started?

( Hell, sometimes that is an on-purpose thing. When a person feels bad, and knows they can't or don't want to help, but they'll make a gesture to make themselves feel good, not caring whether what they try to do is actually helpful or effective. )

And why would I tell people exactly what I'm going through, when so many around me would instead:

Victim-blame me.

Call me a liar.

Assume I was crazy.

Nod sympathetically and then use it as a way for them to feel much better about how they're doing in their own lives.

Say it's too much, say it's not so bad, or say others have it way worse.

Enjoy my explanation and my existence as a form of entertainment like I'm their personal IRL soap opera.

Or, use the information that I've given them about me as a way to hurt me further -- since they now seem to think that I'm some easy target, or that, in some twisted sense, abusing me further is somehow less morally bad, and more acceptable: because I've been abused before.....

So in their eyes, I'm 'Already soiled'?

'Already hopeless'?

'Already nothing'?

It's nothing to do with moral superiority.

It's survival.

...And I'm not saying it's right.

In an ideal situation, absolutely: being helped at any point in my life would have been great!

A healthier social structure would allow for this.

In a world where care was offered by the Community rather than by the individual, I wouldn't worry about speaking, just to find myself in worse trouble than when the 'helping' process started...

But this ain't a healthy world yet.

^^;

You asked why people feel that way.

So I've told you all the reasons why they might.

YMMV. 🤷🏾‍♀️

who taught you that suffering in silence was noble, and how would you shutting up have benefited them?

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey, I know that you've been doing a lot of advice/listening for people who need to rant and stuff lately.

I was just wondering if there was anything you wanted to rant about/get advice on. I love you so much and I'd hate for you to feel like you couldn't express your own thoughts/worries just because you're helping everyone else.

You can respond to this, or even DM me any time. ♥️♥️♥️

Actually, yeah.

Background for those of you reading who don't know: I am a middle school ESL teacher. I work with students who are immigrants. Many of them are not citizens, or their parents are not citizens. (Not all of them, but many).

Now that it's pretty obvious Trump is going to win the election, I have decided to take the day off of school today to collect myself. I need a day to process and I don't think I'll be able to keep it together if I go in today because selfishly, I am disgusted and upset about MY rights.

But tomorrow when I go in to work, how do I talk to a bunch of 11-15 year olds about the fact that their lives and their parents' lives may now be drastically affected by this? I'm a citizen, I'm white, I'm not affected in this way, and I don't know how to be real with them and sympathetic without scaring them.

Obviously, @pickinglilahs, this isn't just directed at you. Anyone reading can answer. But I just am not sure how to address this with them in a way that shows I am here for them, while not starting a detailed discussion that might not be allowed by my school and also not scaring them more.

[robinminustherichard]

Eddie, sans mustache, is the voice of reason

(How I imagine the final scene could play out farther)

"He called me Buck." Buck mumbles, not even bothering to wipe the tear that slides down his cheek.

"I'm sorry, what?" Eddie asks, turning towards Buck. "You're on my couch crying because someone called you Buck?"

Buck simply looked at him, eyes wide.

"Don't, don't look at me like that." Eddie shook his head, taking another drink of his beer. "I am not Tommy that does not work on me."

"Oh my god-" Buck's voice breaks and he shoves his plams against his eyes.

"Whoa, Buck. You're gonna have to give me a clue here man."

"Tommy called me Buck, tonight. When he bro-" the rest of what Buck says is too muffled by his hands for Eddie to hear him.

"Still didn't catch that, bud. You're upset because Tommy called you Buck? That's literally what you tell everyone to call you."

Buck took a deep breath, pulled his hands away, and looked at Eddie with red-rimmed eyes.

"Tommy called me Buck after he broke up with me."

Eddie pulls in a sharp breath and winces, sets his beer down on the table and reaches over to clasp Buck's shoulder.

"Oh, man. Buck. What? Why the hell would he break up with you?"

"I don't-," Buck starts, pulling another rough breath in, "I don't know. I asked him to move in with me-"

"Buck-"

"No!" Buck interjected. "That's not even the issue. He started saying some crazy stuff about how he's my first but not my last and that if he moves in with me I'll break his heart."

Eddie sits, taking it in and letting Buck process more.

"So he broke my heart, instead. He broke up with me, called me 'Buck' like he hasn't been re-wiring my brain towards 'Evan', and walked out of my life."

Eddie breathes out, not quite sure how to tread.

"And-and-- it's such bullshit that he would do this! He changed my entire life in thirty seconds and then six months later gets to rip my heart out and leave?" Buck's fingers rip at the label around his bottle. "I can't believe this, Eddie. This is so stupid, and I don't even know how I messed up."

Buck looks dangerously close to crying again, so Eddie pulls him into the best hug that can be had when you're on a couch and also not wearing pants.

"Buck, I'm sorry man," he starts, patting him on the back before pulling away. "But you didn't mess this up. Clearly, Tommy's not thinking. He can't be thinking because everyone with eyes can tell you're in love with him. I've never seen you this in love."

Buck wipes at his eyes some more before nodding. Eddie takes a deep breath before continuing.

"I don't know what the hell Tommy is thinking. It sounds...it sounds like he's scared, like he's closing himself off to protect himself."

"But I don't want to hurt him, Eddie," Buck groans, mouth wobbling, "I love him so much."

"I know you do, Buck," Eddie sighs, running a hand across his face. "And I know where Tommy is right now. I've been where he is, and it's not a good place to be. Thinking that causing yourself pain now is better than getting hurt by someone else later; telling yourself that you won't feel gutted if it's you that pulls away before its taken away."

Buck looks at him, face devastated.

"But that's so....that's so stupid!" Buck breathes heavily, almost surprised by his own outburst.

Eddie looks at him, nods at him in agreement. "You're right."

"I mean," Buck starts up again, jumping to his feet and beginning to pace, "why the hell does he think I'm just going to have some fun with him and then leave him? I'm in love with him. Why the hell does he get to decide what I'll do in the future?"

Buck is breath heavily and runs a hand through his hair.

"A-a-and why does he get to just end things because he thinks I'm going to want something else? Someone else?"

Eddie is watching Buck pace and takes another sip of his beer.

"He doesn't even want to give me a chance! I told him that I want to see him even more and he decides to break up with me because he what, thinks I'm lying? Th-thinks I don't know what I want?"

Eddie shrugs, makes a non-commital noise.

"Well, no!" Buck stops, facing Eddie. He puts his hands on his hips and shakes his head. "This is unfair and I can't believe he would even think that I would treat him as just some sort of, of; some sort of training boyfriend!"

Buck practically yells his last statement, breathing heavy and meeting Eddie's eyes.

"So," Eddie says, "what are you going to do about it?"

Buck looks at him, silent for a moment.

"I-" Buck starts, confident before he suddenly deflates. "I don't know, Eddie."

Eddie groans before standing up and setting both hands on Buck's shoulders.

"Buck." He stares straight into Buck's face, "you are going to go to Tommy's, and you are going to tell him all of this, and you are going to get your man back."

Buck nods, confidence coming back.

"Yes." He agrees with Eddie.

"You are going to bang on his door until he let's you in, and then youre going to tell him that he's full of it and that you love him, and that he doesn't get to decide how you feel, and you are going to tell him that for all this trouble he better have a court-side Lakers ticket for me to."

"Yeah!" Buck exclaims, nodding. "Wait-"

Buck starts to protest but Eddie is turning him and steering him towards the door.

"You are not going to let him mess this up, because he and I are supposed to go to another fight next month, and I can't even kick his ass for you because he could totally crush me."

Buck is sputtering, piecing together sentences like what, Eddie, that is not the point here--

They get to the door and Eddie throws it open, give Buck another gentle push across the threshold.

Buck turns and looks at him, his face unable to convey the confusion fear indignation upset that he's feeling.

"Buck." Eddie stops, holding onto the door with one hand. "I know you, and I know you're gonna fight for this. If he turns you down again, call me and I'll be there to pick you up--"

"Will you put pants on to do that or--"

"Don't be ungrateful," Eddie interjects, "you will go to Tommy's house, and you will remind him that you are a fully grown adult who is capable of having your own feelings and thoughts, and you will tell him that you love him so much that you are literally obsessed with him--"

"Well, I don't know about tha--"

"You will tell him that you stare longingly at a picture of him at 3 AM when you can't sleep in the bunks."

"How do you--"

"And you will," Eddie starts to adjust to close the door, "get. your. man. back."

Buck looks like he's going to protest one more time, but Eddie raises his eyebrows and starts to close the door.

"And for God sakes, tell him how weird you are about the Buck/Evan thing."

With that, Eddie closes the door on Buck, locking it securely. As he goes to turn away, he hears Buck call out one last time, followed by his stomping tread down the sidewalk.

"I'm only listening to you because you shaved that god awful mustache, so clearly you've gotten some sense back!"

Eddie rolls his eyes, walks to the couch and plops down on it. He pulls his phone out, brings up Tommy's message thread and types out a new one to send.

If you really thought that was going to work, you don't know Evan.

[angels-of-the-rainbow]

Guys I am saying this with love and as gently as I can: I don't know how the show can make it more clear that Buddy is. not. happening. You are punishing yourselves clingging to the chance it ever will.

And I find it a little tiny upsetting that you all reduce Eddie's struggle with a grief he never processed over a woman he loved (even if you like to pretend he actually never loved her) and the most important relationship in his life (the one with his son) becoming fractured, to actually some secret realization that he is gay even though there has never been any indication that is the case.

I am not saying there couldn't be room for a queer storyline for Eddie on top of everything, but I really don't think there will.

[daily-rcp-poli]

Flipping through pages that he doesn't understand, going through a lecture that went through the other ear.

It was always the same.

Everyday was the same.

A day he never understands, go through a language that the rookie barely understood. It was a tedious process of his life.

Poli wishes he could just stay in bed.

Meet me after break. You know why.

He sighs, swirling the coffee around in his cup. Barely taking a sip of it. Even the caffeine in it doesn't give him the energy boost anymore. Although it felt like an obligation to drink it. Fit in with his peers. Make it seem like he's active. That was the act he put on, the actor doing his best for the crumbling show.

Heyyy, Poli!

What's up?

Poli's eyes lit up. Ah, it was one of his peers! Maybe he could exchange for some conversation. Jin was probably still at the academy.. They would have to see each other.

H--Hi.. Friends! Poli says in poor English. The two students look at each other, snickering. But they still kept composed so the officer didn't pick anything off it.

H..How--

Are we, Poli. One car says in a condensing tone. Irritation as the star spoke with slow words. Mentioning it would just upset him. He almost rolls his eyes. We're fine! You? Andras.. hehe.. Gave you a hard time, didn't he?

Huh? Oh, uhm--

Don't worrryyyy, The other students dressed in pink hang an arm around Poli. The forget-me-not looked at them puzzeled with a slight head tilt. I get it! He's hard. You know how he is.

Only for a dumbass like you, though.

Totally.. He won't even pick up on what we're saying. Fuckin' guy wouldn't even notice us swearing him out!

Uhm.. S--Sorry?

The two straightened themselves up. Refraining from laughing at the trying actor. Ivy placed a hand on his hip, amused with the lies he could easily conquer up without a worry for Poli understanding.

We're just saying how sorry, we are, Poliiiiii.

We're friends after all! You like friends, do you?

O--Of course!

The poor flower, unable to understand the language of the others that had already blossomed into a promised future.

@daily-jin-madebygenius

Worriness is a trait that could cause doom to some.

The rookie always worried. About everything. About everyone. But he seemed to cast a blind eye when it came to himself. He was a functioning adult of society, Poli did have the image that he could take care of himself just fine.

The inner child that dreamed upon the stars disagreed, however. He didn't like it whenever the adult on the outside left trash bags rot inside the complex. He hated when food was not an important fuel to the officer.

The child cried when the thoughts of reaching the galaxy came around.

Poli rests his head against his desk, filled with paperwork to the brim. It had about been a week or so since the teenager found a place in his home.

Some time from the incident, too.

The academy forced Jin back into the system, up and working. Poli despised it. A young girl, so brutally brought to look at the injury a wilted rose caused, an injury that engraved itself into her.

Painful reminder, is what they say.

Now that the girl lived here, obvious changes twisted his home around. Trash to machinery that still needed to be worked on in his room, bags that found themselves in the corner.

Jin still hasn't warmed up to the star, so she sustained to making her own little corner in the apartment. He didn't mind. Poli did state several times that the inventor didn't feel the need to speak to him, just to paint him as a ghost he views himself as on the canvas.

The girl still made some attempts, and he certainly did find these attempts grateful. It was hard. Hard for her to cope. Poli was angry when the academy discarded her injury, only batting an eye to her studies.

Threatening her with failing grades if she wanted to rest. His academy was familiar, but for a reason that he, himself found unknown too;

He cared for her more than himself.

Poli sighs. He had been dreaming again while dozing off from the big binder of English he had been teaching himself with. He couldn't focus–

His focus regrains when he notices books that weren't his onto the bed. Weren't those–

Jin's books! She forgot to take them with her!

He jolts out from his chair, clumsily stumbling onto his knees. The rookie groans, picking himself up and practically crawling to the pile of unforgotten books.

Jin just left. He still has time.

Shoving the books into a navy blue shoulder bag, he faces the door.

And save her from a failing grade. Poli heads out, a duty to start his day off.

@daily-jin-madebygenius

[emometalhead]

.

[inkskinned]

there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)

i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.

i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.

and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.

HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.

now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.

my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.

i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.

by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!

keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"

similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."

the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"

if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.

the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.

godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.

the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.

[lunarharp]

"Found out" set in kind of a made-up chapter where the girls are in trouble, or something.

[seeinganewlight]

you deserve to be happy. remember to fight for that

[monty-glasses-roxy]

Freaking HAUNTED by the scenario of Cassie falling for the Mimic's act in the elevator and she comes back from it so, so, SO freaking scared but also so so SO freaking biased and spiteful and ANGRY she tries getting back at Gregory in the way that would hurt him even more than just 'paying in the same coin', by taking away from him exactly what he loves the most by trying to get Freddy destroyed. 💀 (definitely not a route I think Cassie would truly dive into but boy ain't it an interesting one none the less! 👀)

It also doubles as a way to free Roxy and the others from Freddy as well!! Two birds one stone!!

However... I've never heard the saying 'paying in the same coin' so I'm not entirely sure what it means, but I can take a pretty good guess. Not to be contrarian but what makes you think destroying Freddy wouldn't be doing the same thing Gregory did? He destroyed Roxy, Chica and Monty, and it was his voice telling him to deactivate Roxy for good to come and save him. After shutting her down, and her coming back to throw herself at Mimic for Cassie, Gregory tried to make it all for nothing by dropping her.

All of Roxy's damage falls on his shoulders, both before and after Cassie came into the picture. He didn't even care, did he? And neither did Freddy so really, this is the best vengeance she can hope for. She deals with the animatronic that Roxy keeps saying she'll kill if she ever sees him again, and hits Gregory where it really fucking hurts. Two revenge plans one stone!

And you're so right, Cassie would probably not go down that road... But ya know she might at least be a little tempted given Roxy's aggression over it. She keeps giving her ideas damn it she doesn't want them!!! Roxy can take them and do whatever she wants with them, Cassie doesn't wanna do it!!! And it works out cause Roxy doesn't have the fucking balls to go all the way with a murder plan anyway so no one gets hurt!!!

I guess that's a lose lose scenario ngl though...

This reminds me of a scenario I had the idea for a little bit ago when we were last talking about this stuff! (That got a bit long here so I'll add a read more for convenience)

The idea is that Vanessa, Gregory and Freddy return as quick as they can to try and save Cassie and instead find Roxy, once again guarding the door, Mini swarm in the shadows around them. She's obviously more damaged than before so it's a bit more difficult, but she's doing her best not to fall off the barriers she's stood on over the door and I've just had the idea of Minis holding onto her in the dark like training wheels. Aside from them, she's completely alone.

Vanessa talking is a shock to her and she's beyond happy to hear she's okay and most importantly, was freed. Surprisingly touched by her running to help her too... Just fucking snaps at Gregory and Freddy to shut the fuck up whenever they say anything cause she doesn't give a flying shit what they have to say. Vanessa hurries though, asking how she got away from that thing down there and tells her that Gregory's friend Cassie was down there too, what happened??

Yeah uh. Roxy says nothing for a while and Gregory gets impatient and tries to run at the door. The Minis grab him and the swarm just kinda take him away, literally up the fucking wall and take some pictures with an old Fazcam so Roxy can see it later lmao she's actually devastated she can't see this happening right now. Anyway, Roxy's like "what do you THINK happened?" and since she won't say anything else, they naturally, assume the fucking worst. She doesn't correct them or say another word. Just tells Freddy and Gregory that they've done enough fucking damage and to get out before she throws them out...

Oh yeah Gregory is fucking pissed. Why didn't she save her?! Why is Roxy out here when Cassie isn't?! What kind of useless animatronic is she that she couldn't save one kid?! What, is she only good at killing kids?! Is that it?! He's so fucking mad and Roxy just lets him rant and rave, the Minis stopping him for her every time he makes a run at the door until Freddy takes him away. He says he's disappointed in her, but that he's not surprised and that makes her seethe but she doesn't say anything until she hears Vanessa leaving. She stops her and when they're alone, she tells Vanessa the truth.

Cassie is in bad shape. Mimic is dead and they barely made it out, but her dad took her to hospital a little before they got here. Vanessa - who was in tears already - is so fucking relieved, but then asks why Roxy didn't say anything earlier. She tells her the truth as she knows it. That Cassie was here trying to save him. That Mimic lured her here as him, and at the end, Gregory said he couldn't risk being followed, and dropped the fucking lift with Cassie in it.

Now that doesn't make sense to Vanessa. She may not have been there for that last bit but they didn't rush all the way over here for nothing. Roxy can't exactly answer why he'd want to come back here, but she reminds her what he and Freddy did to all of them and points out that this would hardly have been out of the ordinary for him.

And so, you now have a situation where Vanessa doesn't know what to believe. She knows Roxy wouldn't lie about something like that and even if she did, she's a fucking awful liar. But she's clearly angry enough to let him think Cassie is dead and not give a shit... And she says it's to make sure he doesn't try it again so she's also asking Vanessa not to say a word. She can't do that! She can't just let a kid think his friend is dead because of him! ... But she's right in thinking this may not be completely out of the ordinary for him... But he wouldn't do that to someone he would run to the rescue of, right?? Gregory wouldn't do that, she knows him well enough to know that now!!

You see what's happened here? Now Vanessa is in the middle. If she doesn't say a word, Gregory will forever think Cassie got killed trying to save him. If she tells him and it turns out Roxy is right, then what if he tries again?

I feel she'd tell him, but no matter what, Roxy just straight up telling the truth to Vanessa, his current guardian, and not to him would cause so much pain. He could have been there screaming at her and she didn't say a fucking word because in her mind, this is nothing compared to what he's put all of them and Cassie through. And what happens if she does die in hospital?? What then?? She can't lie and say she's fine when she's not anyway!! She doesn't know shit!!

But ya get me with this? It's emotional revenge enacted at the end of Roxy's very long day in the pizzeria graveyard. Minimal effort required, with Vanessa unfortunately in the middle, but Vanessa is always welcome here. Roxy won't blame her for whatever she chooses to do, because at the end of the day, Roxy's done her job. Whether Gregory or Freddy believes it or not, she did her job.

She's really fucking glad she couldn't see his reaction though, she wouldn't have been able to keep her mouth shut if she had. Like most of the others, she can't bare to see a kid in genuine pain and she knows damn well how much her silence caused...

But yeah, you just got me thinking about that again. It's a spur of the moment thing for Roxy, inspired partly by the fact she's not good with words and doesn't really know how to approach this anyway. It's been a long day and her lack of words just turned into this and she's not even a little bit sorry. I think Cassie would appreciate the sentiment of keeping her safe from a second attempt on her life. And feel a bit bad that she takes some satisfaction in hearing how devastated Gregory was over it...

The picture of him being held from his ankles on the ceiling by the Minis is pretty good revenge too. They're proud of that one lmao

[coquelicoq]

after spending the last week very stressed out and losing sleep over how much i regretted giving my number to a stranger, and after talking to several friends who all gave me the same very wise advice ("decide first what YOU want out of this and make decisions based on that" sounds obvious now but honestly blew my mind), i saw food truck man again today and he asked me if i have a boyfriend, told me he's all alone, hugged me twice, and tried to kiss me. i texted him after to be like just to be clear, i don't want a boyfriend, but i hope you find somebody! and he texted me back: i don't need a girlfriend. i'm married.

[saintcarrionn]

.

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

I love this scene because even after everything, the first thing Naesala does when he gets into the room is react in panic about Reyson and Leanne being unconscious. In that short moment, he just reacted on the instinct that he's always cared about them, despite how shaky things had gotten with Reyson a few years ago and how he was forced to do the things he did (including with the Laguz Alliance in RD).

If he was thinking logically and had a moment to process the situation, he might've stood back and pretended to care less than he actually did, as is usual for him. In this case he didn't hesitate to react and ran to them as soon as he walked in, because it was a knee jerk reaction.

If he sat back and thought about it, he would've known Tibarn was going to start making threats and trying to pick a fight, but his genuine desires overcame logic for just a second long enough for him fear for Reyson and Leanne. As long as the two of them are alive and well, he can continue putting on that mask and faking his way through it. If there's any chance they're in life threatening danger, he'll change course to make sure they're safe (such as refusing to fight Reyson when he was in service to the Crimean army, even at his own expense).

Since Naesala wasn't aware how badly the herons were being affected by the medallion, he wasn't aware in advance that they were in any danger. He doesn't know what happened here, so he walks in and suddenly sees them unconscious on the floor. For all he knew, it could've been life threatening - hence his instant response that didn't wait for his brain to register that he's supposed to be playing the bad guy. I think the only reason he could calm down and conclude it wasn't is because nobody else was panicking/grieving with the implication of a possible death.

(And fwiw, yes, he did have to technically sell Reyson to Oliver in PoR. If he didn't abide by something the senate wanted, Oliver could just make up some story to Lekain to get him to trigger the Blood Pact. Naesala knew he was being a snake to get the whole thing to happen, but he did technically have to go through with it the moment anyone from the senate wanted something from him)

[blastlight]

i'm having an issue with something i'm reading where i can't easily follow the narrator's thought process- i think the author is assuming that we make the same leaps in logic as they do, and they're writing the narration while skipping the parts that connect details in the plot to what the narrator is thinking. is this a thing? has anyone read something that seemed like this?

[some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat]

Can't sleep brain too full of death

[lovelaceisntdead]

Dad mad because I didn't make dinner yay now I will dissociate forever