#it's upsetting and I don't know how to process it

[manicrouge]

Simon x gn!reader: Til' the Greenery Grows

tw: hurt and comfort, angst, discussion of death, set after the events of mw3 (boo), happy ending

To be put to bed in such a manner, to be rested beneath the trees, for the last thing the eyes to see to be the greenery which will consume - he thought of it all often, especially when, with the twist of one hand, all that remained of a comrade, a loyal friend, drifted into the wind.

He told you that it wasn't how things were meant to be, that, if he had it his way, it would've been him, the one who took the bullet, all for the sake of Johnny being the one to hold him, to set him free.

'Some fucken sacrifice it was,' he sneered, hand clutching a glass of whiskey. The dimples in his cheeks greeted you, the darkness of the kitchen leaving them to appear like wounds in his face. 'The bastards still out there, and he's dead.'

You sat by silently, watching him from the other side of the table, hands wrapped around yourself, wearing one of Simon's sweaters. 'It shoulda been me.'

'Don't say that,' you whispered, looking at him, 'please, please, never ever say that.'

He startled at the sound of the weakness in your voice, narrowed eyes growing wide. The glass of whiskey hit the table with a clunk.

'I- I know you're upset, Si', and what happened is horrible. But... I hate it when you talk like this.'

The concept of care was foreign to him, so your vulnerability seemed to be an utter shot in the dark for you knew, realistically, he hadn't the slightest clue of how to interpret it, let alone process it. So, when he was silent, you continued in the hopes of making it easier to digest.

'I love you. I don't want you to die - I don't want anything bad to happen to you, even, well, even if you think you deserve it.'

'You're just bein' nice.'

'I'm being honest,' you said firmly, clenching your fists, 'do you think I wanna have to put you in the ground? That I wanna pick out the flowers, the clothes? Any of that? Because I don't,' you admitted, eyes stinging, 'bad things happen to everyone, but I don't ever want them to happen to you and you talkin' like this is only going to bring them.'

You reached out to take hold of his hand, pressing your lips atop of it, 'I never wanna wake up alone, a- and when you die, I wanna be there with you, in the ground.' A tear rolled down your cheek and you snivelled, 'so please, please stop saying these things.'

'Marry me,' said Simon.

Your heart stopped and you stared at him wide eyed. He pushed the glass of whiskey to the side, taking hold of your hands firmly.

'What?'

'You heard me,' he said, eyes not moving from yours, 'marry me.'

'Are you being serious?'

'Wouldn't lie about somethin' like this,' he said, 'say yes, an' I'll never say anything like that again. You have my word, love.'

The emotional whiplash left you half disorenatated as a burst of excitement spread through your chest. You couldn't speak, so you answered his proposal with a chain of nods, bottom lip wobbling as you almost leapt across the table, pressing your lips against his.

[infiniity-survivor-choco]

Daily Reminders.

Executive dysfunction isn't being lazy. You're disabled.

Parents should treat their kids with respect. Not as pet projects to project their dreams onto.

Intent matters in anything and everything.

Organized Religion has caused a lot of damage. Christianity and Islam in particular. You're not obliged to explain to anybody your disdain for either. Faith is separate from Religion.

2025 is ragebait. overcome it through Spite and Whimsy.

Comfort characters are more than pixels on a screen. They can be a lifeline to some. Do not allow anyone to diminish their worth to signal virtue about the value of "real people." because the feelings fiction brings you are equally as real.

Stand your ground no matter what depending on how much of your safety or comfort you're willing to sacrifice for the end game.

Survivorship status is no crutch or badge it's a part of you and it's different for each one of us. Someone's performative critique pointing and using someone's status to devalue them based on their own selfishness and inability to process their misery - usually from the shadows defines them and not you. Respect yourself and your journey. Move. Forward.

Being angry is okay. Being upset is okay. Crying is okay. Hating is okay. Feelings of any type are equally important and should be safe to process with true friends. Nobody who loves you will keep a record of your self expression to later try use against you.

Everything you think you know. You often don't. When you feel an expert in something it's the wonder of diving deep into something and being fascinated. The Dunning Kruger Effect takes effect here. Ancient philosopher Socrates said it best. "All I know is I know nothing"

In juxtaposition to the point above. Acknowledge your skills and capabilities. The above quote doesn't mean you're ignorant. It means there's always so much more to know. The universe is a prime example. Humans. Fickle as they are have already made so many theories with the very limited technology compared to what's needed to traverse it. In such few years. It's just as understood though that many of these will be disproven as hypothesis always undergo that process in which they're tested. Should they last they're close to fact as possible.

You don't need to like people. You don't need to care if a lot of people don't like you. Existing for the world is the opposite of self actualization. If you are loved and love those worth it to you, the rest is noise. Your journey is yours to walk and live. Anybody trying to torpedo it becomes a simple obstacle.

That said. Don't hurt those who don't deserve it. Being kind isn't about platitudes or weakness. Be a monster to monsters, be sweet to sweet people, discern the difference between anger and malice, too, it's about being self aware and aware of others.

You'll meet once in a blue moon people who don't appear human. This isn't metaphysics but just special individuals that don't fit any personality type or anything you've heard of. I'm one of those myself. There's not many in the world but it starts intuitively since little and develops from understanding the world and universe.

[shadesofmauve]

I want to step away from the art-vs-artist side of the Gaiman issue for a bit, and talk about, well, the rest of it. Because those emotions you're feeling would be the same without the art; the art just adds another layer.

Source: I worked with a guy who turned out to be heavily involved in an international, multi-state sex-slavery/trafficking ring.

He was really nice.

Yeah.

It hits like a dumptruck of shit. You don't feel stable in your world anymore. How could someone you interacted with, liked, also be a truly horrible person? How could your judgement be that bad? How can real people, not stylized cartoon bogeymen, be actually doing this shit?

You have to sit with the fact that you couldn't, or probably couldn't, have known. You should have no guilt as part of this horror — but guilt is almost certainly part of that mess you're feeling, because our brains do this associative thing, and somehow "I liked [the version of] the guy [that I knew]", or his creations, becomes "I made a horrible mistake and should feel guilty."

You didn't, loves, you didn't.

We're human, and we can only go by the information we have. And the information we have is only the smallest glimpse into someone else's life.

I didn't work closely with the guy I knew at work, but we chatted. He wasn't just nice; he was one of the only people outside my tiny department who seemed genuinely nice in a workplace that was rapidly becoming incredibly toxic. He loaned me a bike trainer. Occasionally he'd see me at the bus stop and give me a lift home.

Yup. I was a young woman in my twenties and rode in this guy's car. More than once.

When I tell this story that part usually makes people gasp. "You must feel so scared about what could have happened to you!" "You're so lucky nothing happened!"

No, that's not how it worked. I was never in danger. This guy targeted Korean women with little-to-no English who were coerced and powerless. A white, fluent, US citizen coworker wasn't a potential victim. I got to be a person, not prey.

Y'know that little warning bell that goes off, when you're around someone who might be a danger to you? That animal sense that says "Something is off here, watch out"?

Yeah, that doesn't ping if the preferred prey isn't around.

That's what rattled me the most about this. I liked to think of myself as willing to stand up for people with less power than me. I worked with Japanese exchange students in college and put myself bodily between them and creeps, and I sure as hell got that little alarm when some asian-schoolgirl fetishist schmoozed on them. But we were all there.

I had to learn that the alarm won't go off when the hunter isn't hunting. That it's not the solid indicator I might've thought it was. That sometimes this is what the privilege of not being prey does; it completely masks your ability to detect the horrors that are going on.

A lot of people point out that 'people like that' have amazing charisma and ability to lie and manipulate, and that's true. Anyone who's gotten away with this shit for decades is going to be way smoother than the pathetic little hangers-on I dealt with in university. But it's not just that. I seriously, deeply believe that he saw me as a person, and he did not extend personhood to his victims. We didn't have a fake coworker relationship. We had a real one. And just like I don't know the ins-and-outs of most of my coworkers lives, I had no idea that what he did on his down time was perpetrate horrors.

I know this is getting off the topic, but it's so very important. Especially as a message to cis guys: please understand that you won't recognize a creep the way you might think you will. If you're not the preferred prey, the hind-brain alarm won't go off. You have to listen to victims, not your gut feeling that the person seems perfectly nice and normal. It doesn't mean there's never a false accusation, but face the fact that it's usually real, and you don't have enough information to say otherwise.

So, yeah. It fucking sucks. Writing about this twists my insides into tense knots, and it was almost a decade ago. I was never in danger. No one I knew was hurt!

Just countless, powerless women, horrifically abused by someone who was nice to me.

You don't trust your own judgement quite the same way, after. And as utterly shitty as it is, as twisted up and unstead-in-the-world as I felt the day I found out — I don't actually think that's a bad thing.

I think we all need to question our own judgement. It makes us better people.

I don't see villains around every corner just because I knew one, once. But I do own the fact that I can't know, really know, about anyone except those closest to me. They have their own full lives. They'll go from the pinnacles of kindness to the depths of depravity — and I won't know.

It's not a failing. It's just being human. Something to remember before you slap labels on people, before you condemn them or idolize them. Think about how much you can't know, and how flawed our judgement always is.

Grieve for victims, and the feeling of betrayal. But maybe let yourself off the hook, and be a bit slower to skewer others on it.

[twilight-good-yall-dumb]

the crazy thing about Liam is that I finally got to a point a few weeks ago where reminders of his death became a sort of sad exhale and a "shit. that really happened, huh?" But any time I allow myself to ruminate on it for more than a moment, his absence descends again upon me like a dark shroud. Because how can one of those boys be gone? Forever? How can this band that I've loved for so long be so permanently altered? It's so fucking wild and difficult for me to comprehend in that context. And in the context of age, the fact that I am still relatively young and have gone through the death of a childhood idol already? The fact that he was so young? It's just so immensely devastating in a way that feels so intangible because he is not and never has been a tangible part of my life. Parasocial grief is really something else, huh?

[lunarharp]

"Found out" set in kind of a made-up chapter where the girls are in trouble, or something.

[slingbats]

idk i'm sorry :/ i just don't have that much negativity about arbitrary things in me and don't feel very welcome anywhere

[seeinganewlight]

you deserve to be happy. remember to fight for that

[david-watts]

I don't want to talk about this too much for a few reasons but firstly. incredible how different things can seem if you're not suffering symptoms. truly the 'nothing in life matters' meme but replace it with 'I know nothing about my favourite guy (t. e.)'. but still hole in brain aside most of that was suffering symptoms as bad of an excuse as either of those are

[hermitsdump]

kind of amazing how you can spend 99% of your life forgetting about someone's existence and still have nightmares about them for... nearly 20 years at this point. it's been 10 years since seeing them. fucj

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

Saw one of the mean girl group (four or five big writers) anyway, day absolute ruined, I though -I was sure- I had them all blocked.

(They write a lot of basic white(gringo) dark fanfic, so maybe I'm just taking it the bad way. But I genuinely think they mean bitches, doing exactly the popular girls proces, where something is omg so funny heheha so crazy😜 until is done by someone out of their group (or simply on a bad day), then suddenly is "Can't you take this seriously 😠? You are disrespecting me as a person/writer, blocked💅"

What am i saying? I don't dislike them, I fucking hate them.

[catboydan]

.

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

I love this scene because even after everything, the first thing Naesala does when he gets into the room is react in panic about Reyson and Leanne being unconscious. In that short moment, he just reacted on the instinct that he's always cared about them, despite how shaky things had gotten with Reyson a few years ago and how he was forced to do the things he did (including with the Laguz Alliance in RD).

If he was thinking logically and had a moment to process the situation, he might've stood back and pretended to care less than he actually did, as is usual for him. In this case he didn't hesitate to react and ran to them as soon as he walked in, because it was a knee jerk reaction.

If he sat back and thought about it, he would've known Tibarn was going to start making threats and trying to pick a fight, but his genuine desires overcame logic for just a second long enough for him fear for Reyson and Leanne. As long as the two of them are alive and well, he can continue putting on that mask and faking his way through it. If there's any chance they're in life threatening danger, he'll change course to make sure they're safe (such as refusing to fight Reyson when he was in service to the Crimean army, even at his own expense).

Since Naesala wasn't aware how badly the herons were being affected by the medallion, he wasn't aware in advance that they were in any danger. He doesn't know what happened here, so he walks in and suddenly sees them unconscious on the floor. For all he knew, it could've been life threatening - hence his instant response that didn't wait for his brain to register that he's supposed to be playing the bad guy. I think the only reason he could calm down and conclude it wasn't is because nobody else was panicking/grieving with the implication of a possible death.

(And fwiw, yes, he did have to technically sell Reyson to Oliver in PoR. If he didn't abide by something the senate wanted, Oliver could just make up some story to Lekain to get him to trigger the Blood Pact. Naesala knew he was being a snake to get the whole thing to happen, but he did technically have to go through with it the moment anyone from the senate wanted something from him)

[some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat]

Can't sleep brain too full of death

[forcedhesitation]

I'm actually still pretty disappointed about the changes that were made to implicate a canon relationship between gortash and the dark urge. you are given so much choice in this game! so it feels shitty that they took away your choice to interpret that dynamic how you'd like.

I had a dark urge campaign that I started and no longer will finish because I don't want that to sully my character's romance with wyll. it angers me enough how wyll is given barely any material for not just his story, but also his romance. like it's so unfair that rather than new material added to wyll's romance, all I was going to get was lines about how my character had a relationship with a fucking fascist. load of shit that is.

[sparkymalone]

Sometimes, when I'm having trouble writing a story, I'll start writing a different story just to get something out.

But now I'm just stuck on two stories 😩

[laesas]

Seeing someone's awful, self-righteous, bad faith, rage bait take and realising that you already have them blocked for their other dogshit opinions 👌👌👌