#it's uh...it's hard not to use them...
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Omg and people two cubes down from you have no idea what your abbreviations and acronyms and special jargon are and sometimes you'll be talking with another professional in the field and *think* you're both using the same acronym but you're NOT.
No one tells you when you get a Big Serious Job™ how many fucking abbreviations you’ll be forced to learn.
#this is enough of a problem that at the big national conference i went to for work this year the us dshs had clearly instructed all the#presenters to say the full goddamn name and not just use the acronym. department of state health services (dshs said dishes)#health resources and services administration (hrsa said hersa)#and that's not even for the really particular acronyms & abbreviations lol#but it did have to be intelligible to people at all levels of expertise so. like i get it#but it didn't stop presenters from throwing AZT around! me mentally updating them: ZDV XD which is still not the full modern name#anyway azidothymidine (azt) aka zidovudine (zdv) brand name Retrovir was the first and for way too long only effective ART antiretroviral#therapy and is still used today especially to prevent mother-to-child HIV human immunodeficiency virus transmission but also in other uses#and my silly brain took quite a while to stop seeing azithromycin and calling it azt. yes the letters are there. no the antibiotic isn't ART#and DEFINITELY ABSOLUTELY do not put such notes as “pt was administered AZT” when it was in fact azithromycin. oh but the abbreviation is#just sitting right there...so easy...NO. NOMENCLATURE CLARITY IN NOTES TO BE READ BY OTHERS. it is important.#meanwhile my team's dshs consultant be like argh yet another event note with random abbreviations#it's uh...it's hard not to use them...
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Learn from who? Learn from you?
Chen Bowen as CHEN YI & Chiang Tien as AI DI KISEKI: DEAR TO ME (2023)
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#ai di x chen yi#chen yi x ai di#nat chen#chen bowen#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#userspring#uservid#pdribs#userspicy#userjjessi#*cajedit#*gif#uh huh. mmhm. parallels and shit#OK LIKE. in nice words ai di essentially tells chen yi to go for it BUT bc hes a Lil Shit he says it like 'use force to PROVE how you feel.#followed by '.....OH WAIT YOU CANT BEAT HIM'. the way he rubs that in chen yi's face too like it isnt even 'youre weaker than him.'#it's you're LOWER than him. & thats why ai di calls him a coward bc therell always be a divide between chen yi & cdy that chen yi wont cros#and the point of this is - okay i know chen yi is literally picking ai di up and throwing him around here but also you have to remember#ai di LETS HIM. ai di doesnt fight back as hard as he could and that puts them on EVEN. EQUAL. GROUND. every time.#& yeah theres some comedy to it but you cant Ever forget that ai di wants chen yi to want him. needs it. he's faking sleep in the 1st scene#and once chen yi realizes what he wants he puts everything he has into keeping it - inadvertently taking ai di's advice by doing so -#& expresses it in every kind of way too. whatever it takes. bc between the two of them its not just 'bring him back' it's 'bring him HOME'#in a way thats based on the constantly being witness to the worst of each other & choosing it AND. years and layers of trust & love.#..ok only I would take a gifset of chen yi picking ai di up & make it abt how their relationship is perfectly balanced. but im right so idc#the last one ties it all together in my onion. chen yi got him home. and ai di's deliberately allowing himself to be loved. they won
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can i confess something else that will absolutely get me stoned in the town square since im dropping my unpopular opinions. I don’t like altean broadsword Lance. i already disliked red paladin Lance. the broadsword was like rubbing salt in the wound. why couldn’t he have his own niche. why was his character development just making him keith. i understand that it was like “he accepts that he doesn’t have to be a leader and excels as a co-leader and you can find happiness that way yada yada yada”. but you could’ve done that without making him keith. also now give him something unique, cool, that falls in line with his sniper bit. i’m not saying just give him another gun, im saying give him something quiet and lethal. like a garotte. yeah i want garotte lance.
i yap a lot more in my notes by the way if you were interested in other unpopular opinions. don’t send me hate messages or comments i won’t read it and will block viciously i also will not be debating this this is my hill to die on <3
#voltron#if you wanna hate on me uh maybe don’t#i just also think everyone’s writing was lazy except allura’s by the end#i don’t go into RP/BP klance posts and hate on them so don’t come into my space i’m warning you im liberal with the block button#that’s my OPINIOOONNNNNN#voltron legendary defender#moths unpopular opinions#i hate red paladin lance and black paladin keith im not sorry#i also dislike the idea that the black paladin has a designated right hand man (figuratively)#that feels unfair in a way i can’t explain#to me#black paladin is someone that creates harmony in the group#not necessarily is the Ultimate Most Important dude#but the guy that can listen to all the noise and filter it out and come up with reasonable ideas and facilitate discussion#and make well informed snap decisions to guide the team#i don’t think there’s space for a right hand#moth speaks#lance mcclain#and i hate that shiro got side lined because they shot themselves in the foy#foot#anyways having a lion swap betrays the fundamentals of voltron we were introduced to#you can’t introduce a hard magic system and then say no thanks#like oh ok i guess it doesn’t matter if the lion chooses the paladin whatever#which by the way is my biggest issue with season one#i think it was structured badly and having allura designate lions from the get go also betrayed the principle#which you could argue for the lion swap using that argument but lance is really the only one who was without a doubt chosen by his lion#so#no#anyways#thanks for listening to me yap
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“Ford is irredeemably self-centered” this, “Ford’s a bad person” that, etc…
Alright. Tell me then.
What was he supposed to do?!?!
Be a better brother? Ford loved Stan! When they were children, Ford took care of his brother as best he could. But Ford was also a kid in a bad situation, and there were limits to what he could do. Not to mention that Stan relied so heavily on Ford that it honestly wasn’t healthy for either of them. Stan couldn’t stand by himself and he wasn’t trying. They were both struggling; maybe pin that on the parents instead of the kids.
Not be angry at Stan for messing with his experiment? Of course Ford was angry! This was his dream college; in that moment he thought his entire future was crumbling. I assure you, if my sibling had ruined my chances of getting into my dream school I would have been more than a little upset, and I’m sure the same goes for most of the people reading this. Of course, Ford did hold onto that anger for considerably longer than was justified, but in this case I would argue that Ford less “held a grudge for 10 years out of spite” and more “never got the chance to make things right with his brother and held onto that anger because it was better than the nauseating guilt over that final argument, the uncertainty at times that his brother was even alive.” (Which is not to say that Ford isn’t spiteful. Our man has plenty of spite. But him being spiteful is not the only thing going on here.) Which brings us to our next point.
Stop Stan from being kicked out? How?! That household does not appear to have been a safe place for either of the brothers. Should Ford have gotten himself kicked out too? Should he have known exactly what to say to talk his father down - the man who just violently threw his twin out of the house? Ford didn’t kick Stan out. He just wasn’t able to stop it from happening, and that’s not something any teen should be blamed for.
Behave himself when reuniting with Stan at the culmination of the worst period of his life thus far? There’s stress. And then there’s being dangerously sleep-deprived and at the mercy of a horrifying demon that betrayed you, leaving you alone in a shack in the woods with no one to call for help except your estranged brother, who’s complaining about a mullet, of all things. Yeah, I’m not going to say Ford’s behavior was anything other than atrocious here. But really. How well would you handle that?
Thanked his brother? Stan could have destroyed the universe; it makes sense that Ford’s upset! He’s also had literally decades to stew in the terror and fury he experienced in those last moments before falling through the portal (something which almost certainly would not have happened if it weren’t for Stan). Again, Ford’s not acting like the world’s best brother here, but it’s understandable.
Ford’s not perfect. He can be arrogant, spiteful, and bitter. He makes serious mistakes (often due to his own hubris) that put himself, his loved ones, and sometimes the entire universe in grave peril. Ford is, in fact, deeply flawed. That’s part of what makes him a fun character! It’s also what makes him a well-written and believable character. Yes, Ford acts like a jerk. He does so quite often.
Ford also spends nearly the entire narrative bouncing from one deeply toxic situation to another, desperately trying to survive and make life better for himself and his family and watching as his brother makes mistake after mistake - sometimes making choices with severe, negative consequences on Ford’s own life.
Ford is doing the best he can. He’d not a bad person. He tries to be good. He tries to do the right thing.
He just fails sometimes.
Don’t we all?
#say it with me#Ford. Is Not. A Bad. Person.#He’s Doing. The Best. He Can.#And The Narrative. Is Dealing Him. An Unbelievably. Shitty. Hand.#anyway don’t come after Ford y’all#i will die on this hill#(and don’t come after Mabel either that’s an entirely different post and hill I will die on)#actually let’s be kind to the entire Pines family#I love them#they’re great#and so well written#wow this post is a bit agressive uh…#sorry but the Ford hate makes me irrationally upset#and I might be overcorrecting a bit because the intention was not to excuse Ford’s behavior at every junction#just. he screwed up. he did. but I understand his choices at every junction? so I find it hard to be angry at him?#gravity falls analysis#gravity falls#stanford pines#gravity falls stanford#grunkle ford#ford pines#gravity falls ford#wow lots of tags um…#sorry im new to the fandom and still figuring out which fandom tags to use#madbard rambles
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Some fantasy traveler inventory details (like what they would carry in their bags), based on two of the recent costumes I did.. love finding random little scraps and items and putting them together lol
#it's obvious who's is who's since they match their outfits HOWEVER.. consider if they were switched lol#evil villain looking man carrying around pressed flowers in a cutesy lacy pouch#fantasy costume#what's in my bag#actualyl that would have been funny to make a video. I should make a video#I'm sure someone else has already done this#but like.. lifestyle vlogger type content however I'm dressed in fully costume as some weird elf or something#pulling things out of my bag and showing them to the camera and talking about how they're useful for whatever#but it's all fantasy scenarios and talking like it's very common#'and of course. i know it's a bit cliche#EVERY traveler has one of these. but you know. theyre just useful! thats why everyone has one!' *pulls out a completely unrecognizable item#thats like some weird fantasy world prop and doesn't even explain it because In-world it's normal and wouldnt need to be talked about*#'room tour' video and it's just like 'yeah I sleep on this mat under a bunch of trees uh.. over here by these rocks. at least right now. I#kind of wander around a bit. so'#Like a clothing haul but it's a potions shop haul or something and they ramble about some obscure drama in the potions community and how the#y hard to barter and steal and entire flock of sheep or something just to get one of them. etc. etc.#I could do ones for different characters too like. multiple people from different walks of life showing what they carry around with them.#just like this but more interview sort of vlog format instead of photos#This is where not having much money and not having my own house with land becomes an issue though#I think it would take you out of the illusion if the background was always the same. I can make small sets because there's one blank wall in#a room that it's easy to move all the stuff away from in front of and clear a spot and like hang up fabrics or whatever but still.. hmms#So one of those 'fun idea but dubious about handling the execution' things. also One Of Those Things where without looking it up you're 100%#sure it's already been done and you don't want to look weird since it's vaguely niche. Like if 100 people have done something it's fine but#if only like 3 other people have then you look weird maybe ghhjbj.. or only one other person gods forbid. looks even weirder potentially#Or do people not care about ''copying'' anymore?? idk. I'm not updated with the internet's changing culture. I just have a fear of accidenta#lly doing something like that and then people getting mad even though it's really just that I competely had no idea it had been done because#again.. I live under a rock and am unaware of everything lol. ANYWAY. also would require my face being on video which I don't like. Though I#would be in costume so that helps. I think to be fully comfortable I'd need light modifications to make my face look different. which isn't#hard but is more effort when it has to be translatable in multiple angles. ANYWAY. ghjbhj... Now I think it would be funny actually. maybe#one day. I haven't made any videos (aside from on the gameplay/sims channel) in a long long time actually. hmm'st
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The Yiga Clan isn’t a cult in my honest opinion.
They’re more like a crime syndicate.
If a crime syndicate was also an oppressed minority group subjected to a genocide in the distant past and continued marginalization in the present as they’re forced to lurk at the edges of and mostly outside society to eke out a living through theft and violence while the “good” members of the same minority who accepted the harsh terms of cultural genocide at the hands of the very people they served get to stand next to every other race that reviles them and call them “evil” and “traitors” because they seek justice against the divine-right monarchy that betrayed them first and have forsworn the goddess who never once deigned to help them.
They're not monsters to be mowed down, they're people. People who engage in genuine and understandable strife against authority figures who uphold systems of inequality.
...
Anyway, that's what I think.
(Edit: For even more of me rambling, see the notes.)
#yiga clan#master Kohga#((ps i only said 'crime syndicate' as a joke i don't mean that sincerely. i mean the main part of my post sincerely.))#((<--clarification bc tone on the internet sometimes doesn't come through))#anyway headcanons are headcanons but here's mine: they're not a cult and they're not indoctrinating anyone#they have beliefs about the royal family and hylian nobility and the kakariko sheikah sure#and those beliefs certainly don't line up with what those groups ('the good guys') think about themselves#but i personally don't think that makes them a cult? again imo#they also love their masters kohga but why shouldn't they? everybody play age of calamity current kohga deserves their love#he's a silly guy with flaws but he cares about his people. this is not properly shown in botw bc he's barely in it.#and it's easy to say 'they revere this looney tunes-level dork whose boss battle was a cakewalk? they must be stupid/indoctrinated!'#but uh...why couldn't they just genuinely love him and think he's cool? why's that so hard to believe?#straight up he IS cool. he just had to deal with Hylia's Chosen Hero who has constant access to a hammerspace arsenal and a Sheikah Slate#((ie kohga's own ancestors' magitech that they were forced to give up or die/be exiled for!))#he himself can clearly *use several ancient Sheikah techniques* without a slate *including magnesis* in the BotW battle!#the yiga clan did nothing wrong (they’ve done many things wrong but can you blame them?) ((you can but yet. can you??))#((this is what we call nuance. and morality not being black and white.))#((ANYWAY THAT'S WHAT I THINK))#((people are obviously allowed to think otherwise and that’s why I said ‘in my honest OPINION’ on this post! but that IS my opinion))#legend of zelda#kidk headcanons
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Sam: "Look at me. Hey- look at me a second. I know. I know you're tough. I know how strong you are. You have every right to be proud of that. But being able to handle somethin' doesn't mean you should have to. Least of all when I'm right here trying to help. Please let me help. If not for you then for me, because I don't like knowin' you're hurtin', especially when there's somethin' I can do about it."
Me, shaking my head, fighting back literal tears: "B-but it's gonna give you another headache!"
#redacted sam#redacted audio#redacted asmr#redactedverse#redacted fandom#[Sam's name doubles as a link to the specific lines i quoted btw. just for full credit/transparency & for anyone who wants to (re)listen]#Sam's deep-seated need to heal vs my inability to accept help would be a battle for the ages. unstoppable force vs immovable object#wait Sam already mentioned the force vs object thing to David during the inversion didn't he lmao 'they call /me/ Immovable Object'#he does suit Immovable a little more than Unstoppable i guess. i mean he can def be both imo but ykwim. anyways i digress#listen. i'm not a Marriage kinda guy. but good god the way some of Sam's lines make me wanna take a fucking knee and propose#i'm love him ur honor. he is comfort incarnate#can't believe i waited so long to listen to the Valentines Vampire Attack audio. it's got so much of that sweet sweet hurt/comfort#very reminiscent of their 2nd audio given all the healing he does for them & the consent checks before moving clothing and whatnot#which makes it a top favorite for me bc that's probably my most replayed Sam audio. and the one that initially hooked me#i didn't put off listening to it bc i thought i Wouldn't like it btw i just procrastinate everything for no real reason#listening to it now tho actually worked out well bc i could uh. definitely use it. so maybe i was subconsciously saving it for hard times#this post isn't a joke btw it really does hurt to hear him put himself in pain for the sake of healing Darlin' :(((#anD PAINKILLERS DON'T EVEN WORK ON HIM!!! ough man i would struggle so hard to accept his healing if i were in Darlin's shoes#like yeah there's other reasons i'd struggle to accept it too but him being in pain as a result would be one of 'em. the Guilt bro i can't#rp audio stuff#Seven.txt#(Seven blorbo-posting at 2am when they should either be doing something productive or sleeping?? more likely than you might think)
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okay so ages ago on the Bird Hellsite I saw someone make a coat entirely out of worm on a strings so now we have that incredibly cursed mental image right. My question to you is who in the TTA cast would be most likely to wear that thing and why is it Steve?
Oh, I met someone who did that a few years ago! Might have been the same person tbh.
I think a number of the minor characters would happily wear it, but the one most likely to make it would be Ash from the ghost hunting arc. Steve would wear it too, but Adam could make it work.
I had a grudge for years against worm on a string though... It was 2014. Flying across the country with my art class for the final judging of a competition. New York City, baby. Every day was constant activity; always going to a different event, a different activity, a different project...
And the stage was set: A small budget for the ILNY tourist store, two exhausted teenagers, and a misleading ad. The sound was off, and without captions we were left to assume... And we believed if the worms got wet, they would squirm. It made sense why they were $20 with technology like that.
Me and my best friend bought the worm on a string. We named him... Hal. It was all we talked about that day, the anticipation of getting back to the hotel.
Finally we get to our room. I was more excited about this than about being in the top 5 for a contest with a $50,000 prize. We opened the package, deterred by none of the signs, confirmation bias in full force... What's this string? Oh, it must be so they don't squirm away and get lost!
Fools.
Two fools standing over the bathroom sink, Hal in ones hands, and the other turning on the faucet. Nothing. A gentle shake of the lifeless soggy body. Still nothing.
And then the dawning realization: The worm was never gonna squirm around. We were duped.
How could we let that go... For years, I didn't.
I've since developed a fondness. It was never Hal's fault. We were exhausted, not thinking straight, and we blamed him for our own failure. I can only try to make amends... But I truly believe Hal never held resentment in his fuzzy blue heart.
Anyways we got second place and then the next year we won but that's less important.
#asks#whosamawhatsit#always looking for an excuse to tell a silly story lmfao#the competition was for vans. like the shoe company#we made four pairs of shoes into art basically! themed and stuff#hard to explain lol#the second year we did it we actually swept and won 75k for our art department#which was great cause otherwise it for real would have been shut down#we got first which was 50k#and then we also won the skate deck secondary competition for 15k#AND we won the 'local flavor' sub judgement of the top 5#which was 10k. AND!!!!!!!#the shoe i made was made into an actual vans shoe that you could buy for a year#i have a pair of course haha. never worn them duh but#cool competition! super glad i got to do that.#uh. anyways HAHAHHAAH just using this ask as an excuse to tell a story from my life#10 years ago... wow.#ive been having a hard time about my art and it's kind of nice to dwell on this a moment#and remember how far ive come. how lovely to have lived so much and still have so much more to go#enjoy the story lol sorry#NO IM NOT#its a good story. youre WELCOME!!!
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Are ppl still getting thousands of notes on posts talking about “guilt tripping ppl into reblogging donation/ gazan,” posts bro
#no way#‘it’s too much uh what do you want me to do about it’ like oh brother it’s oh woe me shit with these ppl#they do this all of the time when it comes to black and brown ppl dying#just continue to look away like you’ve been doing instead of speaking on how it’s too much for them when they don’t have to live through#the shit personally#it’s so?#like I get it but it’s weird to me personally#they did this shit during blm#it’s not that hard to share a dono posts either man do what you want but to use the ‘I feel like ppl are trying to make me feel bad for not#talking about/sharing posts is mean-‘ shit is so played out man#just blocked op of the post the post is full of wp coping and going on about how they went to therapy and that they don’t feel guilty for#not talking about the genocide or sharing posts anymore like lol#weird
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Not to keep beating dead horses like I so much love to do but I am still completely Flabbergasted and Astonished at how you (Merle Ambrose) could discover the most terrifying fact that a child that is essentially under your care has been indoctrinated into a cult (which, by the way, a process that has taken over the course of years) ((by an agent that has been stationed in a direct position to make it easier to access and manipulate children, that has easily escaped your notice for such a long time)) that worships a nihilistic entity whose ultimate goal is the absolute and total destruction of Everything and Everyone around you, and your one, single, simple-sentenced response to that is to say "Oh, that's a shame. He (Duncan) always was pretty terrible. Hope he gets better someday." And then to move on from those extremely worrying and dangerous bundle of issues permanently without taking any sort of action to protect the vulnerable and make sure nothing like this ever happens again
#i love ambrose as a character but the things he does makes me clench my fists so hard blood circulation gets cut off#the absolute.... lack of care ambrose has for certain things literally render me speechless#and like okay in his uh. in his uh “defense”. there was like. other stuff going on at the time. i get that#like the end of the world for the 7th time yeah there were other things on ambrose's plate#but i dont know how many different ways to put “your children are being manipulated and kidnapped into a cult that means them harm under-#-your nose and it can absolutely happen again“ and make that stick#you... i#that is a horrifying fact to learn and the response is dismissive at BEST#like im not saying ambrose should adopt all 800 children that go to his school or whatever#but like... DO SOMETHING#you have COMPLETE AND UTTER INFLUENCE OVER THE NATIONAL GUARD. DO YOU REMEMBER THAT? USE THAT#send out watch parties! hold stranger danger assemblies! have adults regularly check in with kids! install a curfew! ANY OF THOSE THINGS?#like even if ambrose couldnt single-handedly stop a powerful cult he could at least make an effort.... AN EFFORT#ONE ATTEMPT. TO MAKE SURE ****HIS**** SCHOOL AND STUDENTS ARE SAFE........#and the fact that he says something along the lines of “well duncan was always fucked up” ☹️☹️☹️☹️#this shouldt surprise me fir the man who for 1. some reason refuses to fix the death school#2. does not care about dworgyn or mortis in the least#3. keeps trying to pressure necromancers to change schools#4. kidnapped US from earth and used us.#it really shouldnt but........ but#im gonna say it and idc (/lh) if its unpopular. ambrose should not be in power#he is incompetent at best. he is harmful at worst.#he does NOTHING 99.9% of the time and the one Tuesday where he takes action it makes something worse. he should not be in power#this post is /lh but idk. im a little angry#NOT SERIOUSLY ANGRY BUT CMON MAN. CMON BRO#if the game utilized ambrose's potential more and pointed out how useless/paranoid/rash he can be i would ascend to heaven#i would like literally one person (who isnt a villain) in the game to look at ambrose and say “wow hes kinda fucked up”#THATS THE BARE MINIMUM BUT I WILL ACCEPT THAT I WILL.#kind of unrelated but im kinda mad that the only person to correctly point out how weird ambrose is is morganthe#the murderous tyrant. the person we're not supposed to listen to. because she's evil. she couldnt POSSIBLY be right about Good Guy Ambrose!
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I like the fact Tremaine's designated color is pink while Germaine's is maroon because if I draw them together it looks so bright and happy but they're in a dying world and both commit crimes many times a week just to survive. But hey, whatever.
If love is how they die, it beats starvation or injury! So letting them be codependent is like a treat almost.
#my characters#germaine and tremaine at least have each other (and kind of adopt motka as familial)#as mentioned prev with germaine who is the material wealth based layer guy#tremaine is the layer of lust and motka (who i keep mentioning) is the layer for gluttons#but while germaine is pretty much the embodiment OF being overly greedy and materialistic is incredibly rational#and while he hates it he knows when to cut a loss (item wise)#tremaine while the layer of lust and who does like the idea of having a fling has minimal desire for an actual romance#and based on the world they live in he knows its not really reasonable to expect a lot of intimacy and is mostly fine with it#but to cope with that lack of intimacy he is very touchy feely with the team including draping over his brothers back#or hugging motka whenever he wants despite germaine and motka being very much not fond of contact#to them its like ok fine tremaine is the exception but no one else can touch me#motka as the layer for gluttons is a bit different in that he is more uh.... the layer rather than the glutton#so he likes to cook and he likes to make others eat and he doesnt really eat much himself#hed rather make that someone elses joy especially since resources are hard to come by#so he acts like the group mom and germaine (as one of the oldest) is group dad and they're most of the reason why the group stays alive#also oddly enough to point out but germaine and tremaine are the only sibling layers while other layers DO have siblings#like the other oldest one has a younger sister and the team doctor guy has two younger siblings (twins)#and then the youngest member (limbo) has an older brother#so yeah i dont really know why the wellington brothers get to both be layers but theyre making it everyones problem#i really liked the cast for this plot but i dont really have much in terms of how i wanted the plot to go ?#so i dont draw them a whooooole lot but been thinking about these codependent brothers lately#and final note but motka used to have a younger sister but she died from illness which is why he is so lenient with tremaine#hes like i wish i still had a younger sibling so now you will be like my family if youd let me#and tremaine blissfully unaware for the longest time that THATS why motka is so lenient with the touching from him#its because hes more pleased by the Still Having a Sibling Aspect rather than pleased with tremaine
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Junicrane/Starstruck Ramble
I will not be brief, all under the cut
To clear some things right off the bat:
No corpse, no proof with Juniper. Obligatory this is set in a canon where he's alive and adjacent to the agency in some way.
Reggie & Juniper are just gay to me, but I don't mind any interpretation of their sexuality
The games are set in 1967/68 to me (based on a couple bits in game) which is before it was legal to be gay in America at least (1971), which is relevant to how I interpret canon as being somewhat grounded in reality, despite unrealistic elements.
This is just an insane amount of headcanons/elements of and AU all culminated into one post. I will talk about some headcanons like they're just facts because they are established in my head, and it saves me over explaining literally everything, however I will explain some parts a little bit for clarity.
Alright. Actual beginning of the ramble:
Juniper is a character to me who had gotten so lost in his job as an actor and a social presence that in the end his whole life revolved around that 'role'. Because of this, by the time he's put into the situation where he's around the Agency, he basically knows nothing about himself, though he doesn't realise at first. Furthermore, what little identity he had has changed in so many ways. He's no longer a beloved famous actor in the prominence of public light, he's legally dead and he tarnished his career just before he was supposed to die, with the bonus of that making him lose the majority of his estate. From that, he also has horrific facial scarring from the electrical burns from literally having his face fried. I believe a friend of mine made a post about this a while ago (I also think they were the first to think it up also), but, to me, Juniper has a permanent trimmer in his right arm (aka his dominant hand) from the electrical current and it is messing with his nervous system.
All in all, he's not doing great, but he's too proud to admit that he's not doing great, because if anything, what's left of his ego is all he has as a defense since he's deep in unfamiliar water.
Before ending up around the agency (I have multiple interpretations of this, so I'm just going to bring it up generally), he'd never actually seen Reggie, and his only impression of him is a single voicemail, which was his only reference he had to later impersonate him. Juniper probably has very little feelings other than the ones he projects onto him because of Phoenix and that, at the very least, he's physically attracted to Reggie to some degree (that's like the beginning of how everything else would tumble into place in this sort of interpretation at least).
And on Crane's side? His feelings towards Juniper are probably very intense and muddled. On the one hand, he adores musical theatre, and that's his now ex-favourite actor. The thought of just casually being around him blows the bit of fanboy in him away at first because THAT'S the GUY, plus the inklings of a celebrity crush which still poke at him. And then there's the rational side of him, which knows Juniper has committed absolute atrocities on the side of Zoraxis, and hates him for that. Then there's how much Juniper comes off as an asshole at first because he refuses to cooperate with anything the Agency tried to put in place. He finds Juniper endlessly frustrating, and yet he's stuck working with him since, afterall, he's the one who knows the Agency's history with Juniper the best. I imagine him acting a lot like how he does IEYTD 1 around Juniper.
At this point, I'm just describing the pitch for a romcom.
I think the start of their relationship with one another largely started with Juniper trying to wind Crane up. It was a way of getting his attention, and I don't think Juniper knows why he's so dead set on that at first, because I don't think he realises he has a crush on 'this grump' at first. (I think that's actually the fun part about these two, because it's almost like a role reversal of the celebrity crush dynamic. This ex-big name actor has a TERRIBLE crush on an average joe and it is KILLING HIM.) But of course the Agency keeps them together because Juniper is at least conversing with Crane, so it's a start.
Through one way or another, they actually get talking casually, at least mildly at first. It takes Juniper a long time to fully deconstruct the wall he's built, and the thing is, Crane isn't the one trying to deconstruct it, at least at first, because yeah, Juniper realises if he wants Reggie to actually like him in any way, he can't keep winding him up. So they talk. Small talk at first, something rhythmic and almost easy to keep to a script. And over time that turns into actual conversations. Genuine ones in which Reggie rips out the occasional one of his jokes which Juniper is endlessly endeared about. The way he smiles just before he makes them, like he wants to chuckle at what he's about to say before he says it. That's probably when Juniper realised that he does have some vague crush on him, and that it wasn't going away.
This is what kickstarts John I can't-buy-you-things-to-impress-you-so-acts-of-service-it-is Juniper to do little things for him. It mostly starts off as him trying to make Reggie his tea how he likes it. However, the nerve damage in his arm makes that hard, as the weight of the kettle and trying to pour is hard all of a sudden. And he refuses to accept that, so he tries for a very long while. Long enough that Crane would go to investigate what was going on. And when he does see Juniper leaning over a cup with the kettle as he uneasily tries to pour it, and when Crane asks Juniper responds so matter-of-fact that his intention is nothing but genuine. And it catches Reggie off guard because Juniper hadn't done anything like that up to that point, and his very apparent vulnerability is so clearly on show.
It shifts something between them.
From that point on, conversations are longer, more familiar. Both of their attitudes soften, and Reggie makes more jokes. Juniper learns how to better use his left hand while strengthening his right back to a point where it could be used again. Slowly, they're both spending time with one another not because they have to, but just because they can. Little bits at first, not too far outside what they already were doing, but those little bits turned into long bits to a point where the other person's company was genuinely desirable.
As time passes, Juniper probably realises that he doesn't genuinely know much about himself or what hobbies he's into, because he never really had the time when he got big, and his home life in his youth wasn't bad, but it wasn't picturesque. I think Reggie would pick up on it, and absolutely try to introduce him to some things he's into. Some things stick, other things don't (corn husking very much stays Reggie's passion, and John will go with him sometimes because it's him, but it's not something he strongly cares for). Crane introduces him to a lot of music, and it's something that becomes a staple between them, with tracks they listen to more than others (tragically, I know relatively little about 60s music so I couldn't really say what). Occasionally they dance, never anything intense, think slow dancing, but the closeness is nice.
Through all of it, Juniper is battling the worst crush of his life, and he can't stand it, because I think he struggles to read people since he doesn't have anything like a script or a director to refer back to, so he has no idea if Reggie likes him back or if he's just desperate for that to be true. I think because of that any sort of confession between them would be incredibly raw, not only because of the time they live in making it hard for them to be truthful about how they love, but because it's a complete show of Juniper who's worked to be this better person. I don't exactly know how that would go, mainly because I don't have one set version of their dynamic, this post is just a generalisation of main consistent points.
Reggie does like him back, because he's gotten used to Juniper being just this guy, not a figure in the public eye, not a Zoraxis lackey, and not any sort of Agency operative (despite being under their care to some degree). He's someone he genuinely cares for, because they've given one another the time of day to learn one another, and I think because Reggie was a field agent, he was a lot better at reading Juniper than Juniper was at reading him. Eventually Juniper's company becomes something he could see around him for the rest of his life, and I think he accepts that he likes Juniper a lot more gracefully.
I think any affection directed at Juniper would at first be met with him feeling a little muddled. Reggie was a very physically affectionate person when he could be, and sure the initial flirting with one another came with the occasional little touches, but everything now was so deeply intentional. I also don't think Juniper would almost ever get over the novelty of being able to kiss him, or many other gestures, because it made the fact that they were together so very real, and it was great. I do think it comes easier to Reggie, and it's a big way of showing how much he cares, so it's important for Juniper to try and show it back because he knows how much it means to the other.
I like the idea of them eventually living with one another, too. I think Juniper would have always had a quiet little daydream of sorts where he does just live a domestic quiet life, and he can with Reggie (well, as close as they can get between the Agency and Zoraxis always being at odds), and he loves that, and he loves him, and it's immense.
I think they cook for one another a lot, it helps Juniper work on his dexterity in a controlled environment, which means a lot because it's a huge point of insecurity (that and his scars). He does improve, and Crane is proud of that and shows it and it's great. I also think they'd probably cook together too, because they can deal with being in the kitchen together and they work well with one another. It's probably a good way for them to unwind because over time they can do it in relative silence.
As I said before, I also think music is a staple in their household, and that Reggie listens to things on vinyl almost all of the time because he likes the background noise. Sometimes Juniper will catch him chuntering along to the music which he finds endlessly endearing. I wouldn't put it past his dramatic ass to also join in to fluster Reggie, but I also don't think Reggie would mind that terribly because Juniper has listened to the music enough to know the lyrics, and that's huge to him.
I don't think they are without rough patches, no relationship is, but I think the good part about them is that they're willing to talk about it (... eventually). They're used to long conversations, and while they're often less fun conversations, they're needed and they know that, and it works out.
Alright. I think I'm done for now. I haven't mentioned everything, but this definitely got the worst of it out of my system. If you ever want to hear any specific thoughts my ask box is open but other than that, behold my general dynamic for these two which has been festering in my head for years. I think they're great
#ty right-agent for explicitly telling me that this would be welcomed you a real one#i had a massive babble to my friend abt what if they all feed me to the hounds for speaking#and he said “girl that fandom is like 12 people big they need you to speak” and yeah that also helped#i have a hard time talking if I'm not asked/prompted to that's why i adding tags is great for me. that and i like the format#anyways.#THESE TWO.............dear lord can you tell I have been unwell abt them forever..#this is propeganda (/j) for them. btw. please you have to understand the potential here. it's so good.#it's slowburn <- my (probably) demiromantic ass cannot handle romance without a build up and this set up is perfect (it will never happen)#also i find it easier to write ANYTHING between these two from Juniper's perspective because i find it easier to get into his head#idk reggie is like the gay version of the: what is he thinking of? i could take a bear in a fight. audio ive heard.#whereas with juniper i have him trapped under a microscope#im going to tag this now so i can use the remaining tags to RANT#ieytd#john juniper#reginald crane#junicrane#starstruck#i expect you to die#<- being BRAVE!!!#when I get really excited i start getting like this internal shaking feeling and uh. yeah this rant started that#the worst part abt that is it also triggers my tourettes so like. double whammy. excited about blorbos? jail :(#but. yeah I uh. yeah. sorry this IS so long..I did warn but . AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHAUUUUUUAHHHHHHHHHHHHH#also i did this rant in 2 parts. last night and this morning so yeah uh. yeah.#god im so messed up about these two#make me a boat by the family crest came on while wroting this and while it's mainly a roxanix song to me......AUUUUUG.....#i struggle to find music for these sillies because they have such a specific vibe to me amd I've not quite managed to find something which -#- genuinely feels correct for them and it drives me up the WALL#GOD NIGHT SHIFT JUST CAME OF SHUFFL.....all my ieytd songs are coming out to drive me up the wall.......#FINISHED I've been adding tags as I've gone alonga#thank you for reading hope you enoyed and if you didn't im sorry
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me when i want to accept writing commissions vs the depression thats been eating me inside and out
#i like#offered comms once#but now i have venmo and i know how to use it#but like#if i opened them back up i just#i dont know if id even have the motivation to write anyway#not to just traumadump in the tags lol but everythings felt so difficult lately#i feel so empty and not real#every day i struggle with the intense urge to just delete everything ive ever written#every account i own#and just disappear forever#and like. im not good at making connections with people?#so even though ive spiraled into another pit of isolation ive had one person check on me and it was my bf who i talk to every day anyway#and honestly i think the reason im typing this here even though its very tmi is because like#i just need to get stuff out? because maybe getting stuff out will like#help#but i dont know if it will#i started going back to therapy but i dont even know if thatll help#writing is hard#getting up in the morning is hard#breathing is hard#everything just feels so hard and i feel like i have no energy to do anything ever#and its felt like that for months and months but its getting worse as time goes on#anyway uh#im trying not to take my hiatus until february#but i havent been able to write anything in like two weeks#so maybe i wont be able to keep to my super awesome posting schedule and will instead go back to posting things sporadically as i finishthe#which wasnt often nor paced#and typically the thing that keeps me writing is praise (which is unhealthy ik) but uh. ive not been getting a lot of that so its just like#i dont know. sorry
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it's normal to be disappointed when you learn that your dreams are already dead. but just like a phoenix, our death will lead us to our own rebirth; and like a supernova, some deaths are beautiful.
#context is in the tags where i hide#which will be a lot#so uh#you all probably know about... my au.#all the team is busy. of course including me.#one's in uni; the other... idk. probably living his life.#as i mentioned in a previous post i've been missing the times when the group was still as active as how young people would be#and the youthful days i had in general#one thing i used to be scared of is change.#now i don't think i'm scared of change anymore. just dreadful but no longer scared#because change is inevitable and there's nothing we can do#so uhhh#go with the flow i guess#i always let the people i cherish live their own lives and i give them all the privacy they need#even if it means not being able to keep in touch with them#that is if they'd still remember me#whether they would or wouldn't that's okay with me#(no hard feelings everything is genuine and honest)#so... let's go straight to the point#the au would probably end up being solely written... that is if the art stuff doesn't push through#it's not like i've grown sick of those 'promises' i totally understand them i SWEAR.#i just don't wish to be misunderstood but like i just. couldn't spit all of it out in front of them#i'm sorry for being a coward#and if you see this... i don't know. probably tell me how you're doing? and either give me hopes that this could all still be sorted out-#or tell me if it's impossible at this point?#please just don't give me any false hope.#and... if we all ever don't push through#i'm genuinely sorry if i tired you or wasted your time and energy.#i'm sorry for dragging you to all my demands and perfectionisms and insecurities#missing entry
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i was idly musing if i'm conning myself into seeing kristjan kasearu as a voice claim for wol, and because the last time he was relevant to my existence was 18 years ago, i wasn't like. thinking about what he looks like at all. but. i saw. i saw a photo of him today and um. he looked like this in 2006
#SOULMATES HUH#tbh he's very skinny so he doesn't register as ardbert proper to me#but like. the similarity is there with the in game model lol#anyway we all used to hate on him back in the day#everyone else did it because of perceived popularity with teenage girls#i did it because there is room for only one (1) man in my heart and it's jaagup kreem#idk how serious i am about the vc it's just that some songs in the romeo and juliet musical have such 3.4 ardbert + wol flavour to me#that it just kinda. uh. eats away at my brain#it's hard picking a voice claim because most of the voices i store in my brain are like. older estonian actors#because when i was a lil lad my mom would make me close my eyes and guess who the actor was based on their voice#but none of them fit!!!
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so who wants to hear about my au where anders and nathaniel howe end up joining the warden to find the cure to the calling. old awakening gang getting back together.
#dragon age#dragon age art#dragon age awakening#nathaniel howe#anders#da:a#uhmm#grey wardens#da#da art#i dont know what else to write LMAO#but yeah i have like a whole thing in my brain#the idea of carver joining them has been in my mind from time to time#i know nathaniel and anders are 'friends' but in my mind i think its hard to be friends with anders after uh. yeah#my warden gave anders another chance and nathaniel who has been a loyal warden is like 'this screams mistake'#hes very much an 'im watching you' type figure in this whole venture#is justice still there? who knows. maybe justice left. maybe its all anders is.#caveman anders used to hurt me so i decided to fix it for myself
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