sunlightsystemside

[sunlightsystemside]

I've seen some people online ponder about who they are "without DID." I've seen some people that have this idea that they aren't complete if their idea of themself as a whole can't be fully separated from DID. I don't view myself this way; Not as an alter, and not as a system.

My DID influences every aspect of my life. When I mask, I still have to work around the dissociative amnesia--amnesia that will continue to lower with time and healing, amnesia that we have made great strides in reducing and accommodating, but is here today nonetheless. When we unmask, we obviously each want to do the things we enjoy, and embrace who we are in these moments. For me as an alter, and us as a system, we all obviously have to work around cPTSD symptoms and PTSD flashbacks that can strike at any moment.

There's nothing wrong with this. As in: There's no personal failing in having symptoms of a disorder you have. There's nothing wrong with wanting to make the most of your life, your brain, and your lifelong disorder.

I am more than my trauma, my symptoms, and my hardships. And so are my alters. It's true that the trauma, the DID, and the abuse as a whole are what turned us into alters of each other, rather than one whole; We never asked for these things to be done to us, but we can't go to the past and force the people mistreating us to stop, and we certainly can't change what we are now with the snap of our fingers. I do not deserve to live my life feeling like a before-picture, or a work in progress, or something broken.

I developed DID because my brain knew it was the only chance I had. And it worked. We got out alive.

To me, my alters, my system, is not a sign of us being broken. It is a sign of us being resilient.

At the end of the day, we are whole as long as we work together. And we--whether as a unit, or as an alter--each have more to offer to the world than what was done to us.

"I" might be divided into multiple personality states, but those can all still be happy, fulfilled personality states.

[sunlightsystemside]

Does anyone else get this feeling of not switching for a while where you feel entirely stable and like everything is okay and you are at peace and maybe those trauma disorders you had have gone away. Then later you crash and realize you were dissociating yourself from your emotions and that feeling of "peace" was entirely just neutrality to everything because you brains would self-implode if you felt emotions and you'd been switching the entire time it was just unnoticeable because you lack communication or any ways of knowing whats going on?

[sunlightsystemside]

God I remember the most frustrating experience I've had with an Endo. I was venting in a discord server one time, the server was anti Endo and I asked if anyone with parts was able to DM me to talk. Anyway, this one person responded and we started talking in dms and I was talking about how frustrating parts are and how hard trauma healing is and they told me "yeah healing seems really hard, I'm glad I don't have to do that, I hope you feel better". I went on to ask this person what they meant and they disclosed that they were endogenic and chose to form their "parts".

I felt so lied to and embarrassed that I'd just shared my issues of having a parts disorder who I thought had a parts disorder but had actually been lying to me and the server. It disgusts me to this day.

[sunlightsystemside]

Question

It says no endos or their supporters are allowed

What is with those who are endo neutral?

Since we are a trauamgenic system and just.. don't fucking care if someone is endo or not since we don't wanna get into syscourse and do not give a fuck.

Would we be allowed or disallowed to use your userboxes and/or interact?

Since ur rules only mention endos and endo supporters

I'm not sure if we've answered this before, but as of right now; no. We're not comfortable with people who can dismiss ableism or are able to interact with ableists and see no issues with it. Thanks for asking I suppose

[sunlightsystemside]

Still loving your headmates while still not wanting DID can absolutely co-exist btw

Someone had the nerves to accuse our co-host of romanticizing DID all bc he vented about not wanting DID while still mentioning he still loves us despite it bc he didn't want us to see it and feel like we were hated

[sunlightsystemside]

I love orange too! It looks so nice in most things! I just love colours in nature and I think green in nature is beautiful and orange is too, like in sunsets, flowers and trees!

There’s so much hate in the world and syscourse is exhausting

Tell me your favorite color!

Surprisingly it's blue lmao

[sunlightsystemside]

If I can join in, mine is green!

There’s so much hate in the world and syscourse is exhausting

Tell me your favorite color!

Surprisingly it's blue lmao

[sunlightsystemside]

Just saw a post saying anti-endos were just hosts that hate their systems and see them as parasites

Hi! I hate endos! I am NOT host of this system! I love all my headmates regardless of their role because they all help us! Our host Theo loves us! He is very friendly and we all work together in our daily life! The only time we refer eachother as “parasites” is when we are making jokes. All my headmates are important to this system and they deserve love and respect!

How I feel about our system and my headmates has absolutely nothing to do with my disliking for endos. I dislike endos because they are ableist, misguide actual systems into believing their trauma wasn’t enough, and making it harder for me, as an actual system, to be accepted by those surrounding me.

Endos have done nothing but make my life harder and harass me. my headmates help me and care for me

Hope this helps!

(PRO)ENDOS DNI WITH THIS POST. If I get any endos interacting with me it will literally only prove my point further 😭 I do not have the energy to argue

[sunlightsystemside]

Is 17 considered a small system?

[sunlightsystemside]

Lol, why do endos assume that if they are confirmed to exist that makes their community any less harmful? Like your community is still toxic as fuck bro, stop invading trauma survivors spaces and using our terms, if you really wanted to claim you weren't trying to be equated with us then you'd separate yourselves entirely from us because our experiences are very different, but you don't because you don't give a shit about the harm you cause.

[sunlightsystemside]

[sunlightsystemside]

Can anyone who is anti endo reblog this so we know we can trust you? Endos are harassing us on here, breaking dni and we need support from real systems and people who actually give a shit about trauma survivors singlet or not.

I also wanna take this opportunity to coin a new anti endo tag "wild rose" which is the rebel password in final fantasy 2.

Please note we are not looking for sorce mates. Please be nice to us, we have had a rough couple of days with endos invading our space without permission.

(Please follow this dni too.)

[sunlightsystemside]

Having good days when you're mentally ill is like whiplash. I wrote a letter a while back about the way my trauma has affected me and reading back on it, it's really sad and awful, I never realized how sad my existence sounds to an outsider who doesn't experience it daily, to me it's just normal. Having a good day or just a good day dispite my mental illness gives me courage that I will one day feel this way every day and that seldom will having day like this make me doubt myself and whether my experience and symptoms are real just because I had a single good day INSPITE of my symptoms not without them because I learn technique to cope and manage my symptoms. That's why, not because I'm lying to myself and not because my trauma didn't happen.

[sunlightsystemside]

I found this looking for source mates and I can’t believe that I even have to say this, but you cannot buy or trade alters that is not how this disorder fucking works. Alters form when you are going under some kind of stress or if you remember something traumatic or even if you were going through something traumatic, you cannot buy or trade them. We hate endogenic systems so much for this and for things but endos genuinely make this horrible debilitating disorder look fun and quirky when it’s fucking not this is very reason why people don’t take actual systems seriously. DID and OSDD our trauma based disorders if you do not have trauma, you do not have DID or OSDD you’re probably going through psychosis and I’m not trying to be mean but that is just the facts- Randy

[sunlightsystemside]

being an endo is some of the most white ppl shit I've ever heard 💀

wdym you're so privileged with spare time and energy that you roleplay being disabled to get chronically online social credit

[sunlightsystemside]

This is the exact reason why my fictive part separated himself entirely from his source and does not like to talk about his source. Even my other fictive part that does still feel a bit more attached to her source doesn't really talk about it to people who aren't super close to her.

we have a ___ fictive in our system

‘OMG LET ME MEET THEM THEYRE MY FAVOURITE CHARACTER’

our headmate is not a character, the alters in our system are very much real people who mostly don’t associate themselves with their sources.

don’t be weird towards fictives just because you like their source it’s really uncomfortable

[sunlightsystemside]

a llittle reminder for endos❤

the future is not plural

DiD is a TRAUMA based disorder

Your guys keep spreading miss information

The syspunk is not made for you

You can't be a system without trauma