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wardenparker · 11 months ago

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At First Sight

Alan McMichael x female Reader

Rating: G for General Audiences, but this blog is always 18+! Word Count: 3.1k Warnings: Alcohol, flirting, period manners, fluff, scheming family members, undesirable dance partners. Summary: Alan's sister Eunice is finally engaged and their mother is throwing a grand ball to celebrate. It is the last place that he wants to be...until he meets a young lady who wants to be there just as little as he does. Notes: It's been so, so very long since I wrote anything solo. Please be kind -- all errors are my own, and this is definitely not beta read. It's just a little piece inspired by my downtime at work and countless rewatches of Crimson Peak. Alan deserves some happiness, so I wanted to give him a bit. If there's interest I'll try to write more for these two, but I'll understand entirely if there's not. Thank you so so very much for reading! Dedicated to @julesonrecord for her tireless patience in putting up with me babbling about this character and how he deserved better. And to @ruflirtingwithme for always letting me keep Wade in my pocket wherever I go. There's a bit of him in this as well, for sure.

Despite the tailoring of his tuxedo, the familiar weight of the costume, and the well-traveled ballroom he finds himself standing in, Alan McMichael shifts uncomfortably. He’s lost weight this past year, worry and injury taking their toll, and the tailor assured him that it could barely be seen but took his jacket and the waist of his trousers in anyway. He isn’t as fit as he once was. He isn’t as strong. Not since he followed Edith up that mountain in England, only to bring her back down again to dual hospitalizations and true exhaustion. The doctors at the sanatorium don’t allow him to visit anymore .They say it causes episodes of hysteria.

So now they must live inside their own heads separately, and his mother has taken that as meaning it is time to push him to move on. “It’s for the best.” His mother had said. But Alan couldn’t be sure. Still, he was forced to resume his everyday life, and now it has been a full year since that fateful trip to Crimson Peak.

Eunice’s engagement has been a blessing to distract Mrs. McMichael. Her ploy to whisk her daughter off to New York City in the early summer had paid odd and now Eunice is engaged to the son of some banker who claimed to have an ancestor lead the charge at the Battle of Cowpens. They were all, Mrs. McMicheals told everyone in earshot, quite proud.

Now it was Alan’s turn to once again have marriage prospects pushed on him, and he stood in the ballroom ready to receive guests alongside his father with a false smile and a belly full of dread.

* * * * * *

“I thought you didn’t like Mrs. McMichaels?” The question hands in the air as you finish getting ready for the ball this evening. Spending the Christmas holiday in Buffalo with your aunt and uncle had been your brother’s idea – trying to see that you were taken care of without directly saying that having you in his house would be a burden. So you had reluctantly agreed, giving most of your staff the better part of three weeks off and taking only your maid with you to Buffalo.

It’s not that I dislike her entirely, dear heart,” your aunt Joan insists. “I adore her soirees.”

“How foolish of me.” It takes all your strength not to roll your eyes but your maid recognizes the expression and smiles privately. “I ought to have known. You and Uncle Christian will want to stay until daybreak, won’t you?”

“Certainly.” Aunt Joan quips, appraising herself in her vanity mirror. “Her cook makes the most divine fruit crepes.”

You could point out that her usual overt piety discourages desire and gluttony, but at near seventy years of age, your great-aunt has earned a little indulgence from life. Instead you hum a non-committal agreement and pick up your gloves., “Then it will be well worth staying until breakfast,” you encourage, offering her a smile instead.

“Indeed.” She seems most pleased at the prospect and shoes your maids away with finality. “Your dance card must be full tonight, child,” she warns with an alarming hint of mischief in her voice. “If we want you engaged before the worst of winter snows threaten to keep us all at home.”

* * * * * *

The McMichael’s ballroom shimmers with candlelight and each guest who is announced at the door is another jewel in the crown of the evening. Mrs. McMichaels flits about like a bird with a rare and precious seed, showing it off to everyone around her, and the guests who have eagerly arrived first bask in the shared glow of witnessing such good fortune. Fortunately, very certainly it is a fortunate thing, your Aunt Joan and Uncle Christian do not believe in arriving early to parties. They believe in leaving their home at the time the party is listed as beginning in order to appear both desirably busy and aloof, which means that your trio is squarely in the second half of arrivals to the McMichael house this evening. Even if it is only by a measure of twenty or thirty minutes, the less time you must spend with eligible men being foisted upon you, the better.

“Mr. and Mrs. Christian Tate,” are announced along with your name, and Aunt Joan practically shoves your out in front of them to make sure you’re seen. Not that anyone would have noticed you otherwise, so perhaps it’s wise. The peacock colored gown you chose shimmers softly in the gaslight, but the ballrooms of Buffalo do not have the large, expansive windows and glass doors that you are accustomed to in Newport. It is all mahogany and walnut paneling here, and all the ladies but you – in their pinks and creams and honey yellows – knew better. You will be lost in wainscotted corners in your deep blue, green, and purple hues. Though perhaps it is for the best. This is not your society anyway. You have no intention of ending your time in Buffalo engaged no matter what Aunt Joan might intend.

The two gentlemen at the center of the ballroom could not be anymore obviously father and son, but where the father jokes and jovially signs dance cards at praise of his skills in the country dances, the son seems dour and aloof. His pinched smile does not precisely forbid conversation but it certainly does not encourage it, and he all but sighs in resignation when your Uncle Christian seems happy to see him.

“My wife’s great-niece,” you hear him saying, just before you are shuttled forward again. “Visiting from Newport for the holidays.”

“A pleasure,” the man intones, though you cannot think he means it.

“Is it?” You offer your hand only because your aunt clears her throat so pointedly. But it is at this point that the skyscraper with blonde hair you are being introduced to chuckles. The sound is broken but warm, and you are not so displeased with being here that you miss the way his blue eyes sparkle like aquamarine in the flickering light.

“Perhaps,” he muses, catching the dance card dangling from your wrist before you can take your hand back. “Perhaps you are the first young lady to arrive tonight not to simper and curtsy over the supposed honor of being my mother’s guest. And perhaps I can recognize a fellow soul was was strong-armed into attending.” He looks tired, the heaviness of it hanging deep in his handsome features. Because yes, he is handsome. Intriguingly and admirably so. But that isn’t what is drawing you in to him like a rope tied into your ribcage that tugs you forward whenever he speaks. It’s something else. “Perhaps we will be allies tonight, you and I.”

“Allies?” You watch his hand as he claims both waltzes on your dance card, the first gentleman to do so and claiming what are arguably the most intimate of dances. “How terribly Napoleonic of you,” you droll in response.

He laughs again, a little more deeply, and shrugs his shoulders. “I would avoid the elder Mr. Davies if I were you,” he advises, clearly demonstrating his intent as that very ally he has claimed to be. “His wife passed last spring leaving him with three young children. He has become so desperate for a wife that he is inclined to propose to almost any new young lady he meets.”

“How very concerning for the young ladies.” You murmur back, glancing over at the man being subtly pointed out to you. He is squirrelish and balding, all the hair on his head seeming to have fallen to the bushy mustache adorning his upper lip. “Is there anyone else I ought to be wary of?”

“Oh, a dozen at least.” The mischief returns to this man-shaped mountain’s eyes and he offers you his arm. “It is well worth discussing. Perhaps over punch?”

“Mr. McMichael, I think you are using me as an excuse to abandon the receiving line.” You hum in amusement, not really able to say you blame him for such a thing. Or that you mind.

“Perhaps.” His grin has a shade of mischief and guilt to it. “But perhaps you are using me to avoid the attention of other guests who might bore, annoy, or otherwise rankle you, or even step on your shoes. Which I’m sure are quite beautiful and not to be defiled. This arrangement seems better for us both, don’t you think? I can promise you with surety that it has been more than a decade since I trod on a lady’s slipper at a ball.”

“I had intended to feign lightheadedness from the crowded ballroom halfway through the night,” you confess with a sly expression all your own. “Perhaps I still will. Or perhaps this mischief will prove diversion enough all on its own.”

* * * * * *

There have been many dances in your life that have made you terribly glad for the barrier of gloves between you and the man leading. Whether it was their manners that were unsuitable, the sweat of their palms, or some unsavory odor lingering around them like a drought-stricken pond, there seemed always to be some partners with whom dancing was as undesirable as an overturned stagecoach.

Tonight you fear it might be you.

Dr. McMichael — Alan, he has insisted that you call him Alan — is a divine dancer. The grandeur of his stature does nothing to inhibit his grace and as he twirls you both about the ballroom you have the oddest sensation of floating that has ever been. But as if grace and poise were not enough, the man has a damning and wicked sense of humour as well. It has taken only the smallest encouragement from you to earn you scathing reviews of the other partygoers from you. The descriptions have you nearly in hysterics in his arms, but worse yet is the way that he smiles. It is a sly and puckish expression that makes his eyes light and sparkle in the candlelight, and every time he aims it at you, you can feel yourself sweat in the most unbecoming and unladylike way.

Moist palms or a damp dress back do not make for a desirable partner, and all you can do is hope desperately that your gloves and corset are providing ample barrier so that he has no idea how deeply those smiles and jokes and bright eyes are affecting you.

“I must sound deeply cynical,” he comments after a pause. He has just told you the story of the two Misses Shrewsbury and their positively ghastly attempt at conning the attendants of a seance he attended in Albany some years ago. “I am not. Or at least I do not mean to be.”

“Is it society that you disapprove of? Or faith?” Neither question is a judgment on your part, but you tilt your head to him conspiratorially as you dance. “I have found myself weary of both in the past, that is why I ask.”

“It is neither,” Alan admits, though he does so with a wistful sigh. “I think perhaps I yearn for times past when I reveled in dancing and philosophical pursuits. When the contents of conversation at a dinner party provided fascination for days afterward.” Subtly, so that you can feel it but it is not seen to the plain-eyes observer, he shrugs. “Life soldiers on, I suppose.”

“It does.” You cannot dispute that, and you would not try. You know the trudging on of time as well as any other touched by tragedy. “May I ask what changed? Or is that impertinent?”

“It is not impertinent.” He casts his eye around the room then back down at you. “But I am afraid it is not polite, either. I would not shock you so, to tell it all. I will only say that I lost my dear friend very recently.”

“Then I am very sorry to hear it, but I have every belief in your humanity. Your taste for society, your faith, and your fascinations will return.” The look on his face says he wonders how you can be so sure, and you half-smile. The hint of sadness in your eyes keeps it from becoming full. “Take the word of an orphan of two beloved parents, Dr. McMichael. You will come back to life again after the loss of your friend. It may simply take time.”

“Alan,” he presses softly, reminding you of his insistence. “And I am sorry to hear of your sadness, as well. But it seems that perhaps God or the ghosts of our past have seen fit to introduce us tonight. Whichever it is that you believe in.”

“Whichever it is, I welcome their intervention.” It seems to you at this point that he does not care much for spiritualism or ghosts of any kind, so you will not speak your mind on that topic. As for God? His guidance has not been the one you sought in many years. No, tonight you will not give credence to any of it, if only to keep the mood light and perhaps make Alan laugh again. “I think, however, that I shall ascribe it entirely to my great-uncle. As he was the one to see us introduced.”

“So he was.” As the song ends, Alan bows quite deeply in deference to his admirable partner. “I believe I shall have to thank him for it.”

* * * * * *

“Why don’t I know the girl your son has been doting on all night?” Mrs. McMichael is behind her fan to her husband from the edge of the dance floor, inspecting the dancing and overseeing the needs of all her guests. Her guests. Which is why she is so perturbed not to be able to identify this young woman immediately. “Who is her family? She must be with one of your business associates, yes?”

“Let Alan flirt.” Edwin McMichael waves one hand dismissively, not even looking in his only son’s direction. “It’s good for him. He’s been too dour for too long.”

“I don’t care if he flirts.” Ellen ruffles, her lips pursed and ready for an argument. “So long as he flirts with the correct young ladies.”

“How do you know she is not correct?”

“Because I do not know who she is or who she came with.”

“She is Christian Tate’s great-niece.”

Ellen’s nose wrinkles. “The orphan?”

“The orphan with an eight million dollar inheritance and a palatial cottage in Newport in her name.” Mr. McMichael raises one eyebrow as he peers down at his wife, knowing precisely the sort of affect this news will have on his wife. After all, she married him for his fortune — why should Alan not marry a fortune as well? “Let Alan flirt. It makes him smile.”

* * *

He finds you again later, outside of the ballroom when you’ve wandered away to breath air that hasn’t come from the mouths of five other people first and doesn’t smell distinctly of stale cigars and brandy. He finds you when you are slumped, unladylike, in the window seat of his father’s library gazing out the window at the snow as it drifts lazily down from the pitch-black sky.

“I thought you’d run away on me.” His voice is light but the undercurrent of worry, or else embedded sadness, is there if you listen. Like a weariness that had taken hold in him sometime since the loss of his friend that he had not been able to shake. Rather than apologizing for it or paying it any mind, Alan simply holds out one of the delicate cups of mulled wine that he brought with him when he went in search of you. “I’m very glad to see that isn’t the case.”

“I had to make myself scarce from the quadrille,” you admit, having the good sense to look at least a little sheepish about it. “That Mr. Davies…the one you warned me about? He caught sight of the fact that I had been left out of the dance before and attached himself to me.” Though the conversation could not be considered so terrible to be characterized as harrowing or torturous or anything as dramatic as all that, you still had not enjoyed his overbearing presence and unfortunate lack of manners. “I’m afraid that I feigned a headache to excuse myself.”

He laughs. Truly and thoroughly, and from his belly. Alan McMichael laughs so entirely that you bury your face in one hand after you accept the offered drink from his hand and you sigh audibly. “I’m sorry…” he chuckles, gasping for a dramatic sigh when he can catch his breath. “ It’s just that you’re so terribly apologetic and sweet about it. No one would be cross with you for avoiding an impertinent man old enough to be your father.”

“I see you have not met my Aunt Joan.” With a dutiful but resigned sigh, you stand from your place of respite and sip the rather delicious drink that he has brought you. At precisely 4:02 in the morning it is both horrifyingly too late for such a drink and far too terribly early – a dichotomy that delights you. “She has done her best to see me partnered with every single man here tonight. It is only my ill luck that I encountered the only desirable partner so early in the night. To dance together a third time would expose us both to comment.”

“So?” Alan sips his own wine and gazes down at you curiously, wondering whether or not you actually give a damn about all of this convention and these rules that seem to have been mutually agreed upon by the same people who determined what food is served at each course at formal suppers. That is – someone very long ago and far away that no one can remember any longer. “I’d like to dance with you again. And you just said that you’d like to dance with me. So who gives a damn if someone talks about it?”

“Won’t your mother be cross with you?” He had said something earlier about his mother wanting him to dance with just every young lady at the ball tonight. And you know for certain that he has not just as you have not danced with every single man.

“My mother is routinely cross with me.” He admits, enjoying a laugh at the truth of it. “I try not to let it disappointment me too much.”

It is all you can do to consider him – broad shoulders stretching that jacket of his and bright eyes sparkling with mischief, the tilt of his smile and the invitation of his outstretched hand – before you are sighing in a rather dramatic show of resignation that barely shields the actual delight written on your face. “Very well,” you acquiesce, taking his hand and giving his fingers a gentle squeeze. “Let us be the object of idle gossip tomorrow. Let tongues wag. I will be gone in a week anyhow and that will be the end of it. For tonight, at least, we shall have a bit of fun.”

______

Master Tags: @pixiedurango @chattychell @winter-fox-queen @lady-himbo @artsymaddie @princess76179 @paintballkid711 @missminkylove @pedrosbrat @ew-erin @sarahjkl82-blog @sharkbait77 @justanotherblonde23 @lv7867 @recklesswit @mylittlesenaar @f0rever15elf @gallowsjoker @steeevienicks @athalien @sherala007 @skvatnavle @thatpinkshirt @jaime1110 @girlimjusttryingtoreadfanfics @goodgriefitsawildworld @greeneyedblondie44 @littlemousedroid @harriedandharassed @churchill356 @ajathegreats-blog @haylzcyon @beardsanddetectives @kirsteng42 @ladykatakuri @adancedivasmom @madiebear @tanzthompson @emilianamason @bigsdinger @xocalliexo @pedr0swh0r3 @avaleineandafryingpan @charlyrmv @avidreader73 @iceclaw101 @loveslide @elegantduckturtle @becsworld @julesonrecord @its-nebuleuse @itsrubberbisquit @mikeyswifie @guelyury @lizzie-cakes @for-a-longlongtime @vabeachazn @purplerain04 @weho2kcmo

Alan Tags: @nrthernsong @inept-the-magnificent @trulybetty @justcallmebirdie @jefferson-in-the-tardis @thesluttylittleknee @munsonownsmyass @laurfilijames @hudson-bay-girl @ruflirtingwithme @rhoorl @scorpio-marionette @absurdthirst

My Masterlist!

#Charlie Hunnam #Charlie Hunnam character fanfiction #Charlie Hunnam fanfic #Alan McMichael #Alan McMichael x you #Alan McMichael x reader #Alan McMichael x female reader #Alan McMichael x f!reader #Crimson Peak #period romance #just some flirts #I don't even know what I'm doing

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themultifandomgal · 1 year ago

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Matt Casey x reader

What if Casey is dating Andy Dardens little sister who comes back to Chicago to replace gabby Dawson when she left Chicago.

Y/n had to leave Chicago to take care of her two nephews Griffin and Ben. She and Casey decided to have a long distance relationship but he visit his girlfriend as much as he can do.

It is the Stellaride wedding and y/n are coming back to Chicago to be there for her best friend and for Severide who is like a brother to her. Y/n has some news for everyone that she tells them about before the wedding.

Y/n is moving back to Chicago with her two nephews and she can finally take care of them in there home city.

Casey is gonna propose to his girlfriend in the evening of the wedding when they are alone. But there is one problem.

Gabby shows up at the firehouse the day before the wedding. Casey doesn’t care that his ex wife is in town and that she will be at the wedding.

But y/n feels uncomfortable when gabby is in Chicago seven if they used to be best friends and partners on Ambo 61 before Leslie Shay started at firehouse 51.

Y/n are best friend with Sylvie Brett and they where partners on Ambo 61 before she moved to Portland.

Based on last episode of season 10 and the first episode of season 11

Matt Casey- Home Pt1

Things were obviously tuff after my brother Andy's death. Heather my sister in law got a DUI and ended up in prison for 15 months. During that time I looked after hers and my brothers kids, when she was released Heather took Griffin and Ben to live away in Florida. She suddenly stoped phoning me and anytime I would phone her I was cut off. Eventually I was blocked. This was heard on me because all I wanted was to speak to my nephews. Matt and Gabby got divorced then I started dating Matt.

Then one day Griffin appeared on mine and Matts doorstep telling us how his mom keeps moving him around and now is in prison again. Of course after a lengthy conversation Matt and I made the decision that I'd moved in with Griffin, Ben and Heather until I know that she can cope again.

I was gone for a long time, but Matt and I made it work doing long distance. He would also come and visit me any time he could, but it's tough. And unfortunately Heather kept getting into trouble, so Matt suggests that the kids just move in with him and I, that way Heather can sort herself out and the kids would have a stable environment. Plus with Gabby leaving I was offered to become PIC of ambo 61. I'm not just coming home because of that, it's also my best friend Kelly's wedding.

I walk into the fire house holding on to my nephews hands hoping to surprise everyone. Of course Matt and Kelly know I'm coming home, but they think my flight gets in later

"Geeze, thought I'd at least get some banners for my return"

"Babe?" Matt looks over a little shocked "thought I was picking you and the kids up later"

"Eh flight changed"

"No it didn't you said you wanted to surprise everyone"

"Thanks Ben"

"YN. It's good to have you back" Herrmann pulls me into a hug which is followed by everyone else

"YN thank you for coming back for the wedding"

"Well that's not the only reason I'm back" I say replying to Kelly

"Well don't leave us all waiting" Brett encourages

"Well I'm coming back permanently, Ben, Griffin and I. I'm gonna be the PIC of ambo 61 again"

"Yes!" Gallo fist bumps the air

"Bless our saviour"

"Oh thank god" Brett hugs me again

"What did I miss?" I chuckle

"The person who replaced you temporarily, well she's not the nicest"

"Emma just creates a lot of drama" Gallo replies for Capp

"She's been after the PIC job since you left"

"Oh well don't worry about her anymore. I'm back next shift"

"Perfect" Brett once again hugs me tight

"Right we best get you guys fed. You hungry?" Kelly asks me and the kids

"I'm starving" I reply chuckling. The kids follow Kelly to the kitchen while I get stopped by my very handsome boyfriend

"Hey"

"Hi" I smile up at him "don't be to mad at me for trying to surprise you"

"Just glad your here and staying" he places his hands on either side of my face and presses a kiss against my lips

"Oh Errm sorry to interrupt" we break apart and see Emma "was just coming to collect my things"

"No hard feelings right?"

"No course not" she smiles but I can see how fake it is

"Come on let's grab something to eat" Matt wraps his arm around my shoulders and we head to the kitchen

"If we had known you were coming back we would have made a nice spread"

"It's ok. Don't worry about it"

"Engine 51, Truck 81, Squad 3 , ambo 61. Structure fire 336 Arlington"

"I'll see you guys later. Matt I'll see you at home"

"Home. I like the sound of that" I give him a peck before he shoots off

"Ok let's get you guys home hey?"

On the way home the taxi driver starts to drive passed where the fire. I notice Emma outside getting shouted at, but no Matt, Stella or Sylvie

"Hey can you stop a minute?" I ask and get out

"Hey. Boden things ok? Where's Brett?"

"Inside. Woman's giving birth and Jacobs left her"

"Chief send me in?"

"What. You don't start till...."

"I know but if someone's giving birth up there Brett's gonna need help, please?"

"Ok go"

"Ok boys I want you to stand over there with Chief Boden. Ok don't leave his side"

"Ok" the boys leave the car while I run into the burning building

"Brett? Kidd? Casey?" I shout running up some stairs

"YN?" I hear Brett yell and follow her voice

"Holy shit" I notice the room on fire

"She's crowning" Brett tells me "YN give me the bulb suction" I hand her what she needs while I tend to her wound on her shoulder "ok big push" Brett says. Thankfully we hear crying from the baby

"Ok Kidd Casey carry her out. Brett you got the baby?"

"Yeah"

"Ok when we have them in the ambo I want to put oxygen on the baby just in case as well as the mother. Let's go" I grab the bag and follow the others out. When we get outside to safety I hear Emma getting told to clean out her locker

"Welcome home YN" Brett smiles giving me a side hug once the baby was in the ambo having oxygen thanks to other paramedics that just arrived.

We arrive back at the firehouse, everyone excited for my return when I see Gabby. My old best friend

"Hey" she smiles and Matt and I

"Hi Gabby"

"Well this is awkward" Mouch mumbles earning a nudge from Gallo

"I'm not here to cause drama. Just here for the wedding"

"Errm it's good to see you Gabby. Matt I'm gonna take the kids home. I'll see you later" I give him a kiss and leave the firehouse feeling a little uncomfortable about Matts ex being here. Yes we were once friends and yes ok I'm the bitch that dated her best friends ex husband, but doesn't mean that I'm not a little worried.

#one chicago imagine #one chicago #chicago fire #chicago fire imagine #matt casey x oc #matt casey imagine #matt casey x reader #matt casey #Matt casey x wife

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lime-sketches114 · 9 months ago

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Hello everyone, since I made a KARDYN short story yesterday why not even it out with another KATNIS ship story. This version of the story takes place in EPISODE IGNIS so spoilers??? (Idk it's been out for years)

I like the alternate endings bc it was more eventful I guess. Just like that fight more than the normal one. BUT I wanna make my own alternative ending!

This ship is in a different universe than to my KARDYN short stories

Worth Fighting For

Rating/Warning: minor blood, weapons, etc.

★★★★★

It was chaos in Altissia. Leviathan woke up super cranky and is giving Noctis a hard time. I hope Luna knows what she's doing...

Ignis and I have already lost Prompto and Gladio thanks to Titan being summoned and a magitek air ship crashed into the bridge we were on. Fighting through the districts was not easy either, even with Ravus' help. His passive aggressive tone didn't help. Once we reached the altar, it was horrible. Luna was gone and Noctis didn't seem like he wanted to wake up. Ravus held his sister in great sorrow.

"Luna!" I screamed as I ran to her. Her lips were already blue and cold from the cold water and chilling sea spray. I knew it would take all my strength to heal her past this point without The Tree of Songs to help me. Tears fell down my cheeks. "If only I came here sooner..."

"You have done enough..." Luna's spirit smiled down at me. Even in death her voice spoke from her heart. "Protect those close to your heart, Fight..."

"I will Luna..." I smiled and gave her a parting blessing. Taking her friendship crystal I gave to her long ago. "You will always be remembered"

"Oh what a sentimental statement Lady Katerina, truly spoken poetry" Ardyn chimed.

I whipped around but before I could attack, Ravus was shot back with dark magic and Ignis was pinned down by soldiers. I quickly shielded Noctis the best I could, I couldn't even summon my wings, my magic was already so low. "Don't you dare Ardyn! I know your intentions! This will bring you nothing!"

"Katerina!" Ignis struggled against the soldiers' grip.

Ardyn chuckled, "what do you know about me dear princess?" He grabbed and pulled my hair and lifted me. I winced and whined with pain as I gripped his hand to try and get him off. "You know NOTHING" he held his blade to my neck.

Then my brave familiar ran from me and grabbed the ring in her mouth. She ran to Ignis. "Dove Run!" Soon Ignis escaped and took the ring and glared at Ardyn. Dove hissed from Ignis' shoulder.

"Let. Her. Go!" He growled. "Take me instead!"

"Ignis...I'll be fine!" I looked at him with pleading eyes. I saw nothing but determination in his.

"No! I'm not letting you take her away!" Ignis shouted.

Ignis held up the ring and he sheds a tear, "I swore to stand by Noct and keep him safe but I WILL NOT tolerate you threatening the one I love!" He shoved the ring onto his finger and screamed out in pain.

"IGNIS!!!" I cried out. Right before my eyes I saw Ignis transformed by the ring. His eyes engulfed by purple flames, his hair entirely down and damp from the rain. He soon teleported backwards and Ardyn teleported with me forwards.

"Guess the Gods favor you after all" Ardyn growled in a smooth low tone. He threw me to the side as I hit broken columns.

I was trying to keep conscious while they fought. I heard blade against blade clanging against each other. Regular blood and black blood scattered the wet stone floor of the altar. Diluting as the fight went on. I had to stop this before Ignis got killed. With the last of my magic I teleported all of us where no one else would get hurt. Not heading the yells of my sisters as they ran towards the fight when I did. I coughed up blood due to the strain on my body.

"stop this nonsense Ardyn!" I wheezed, holding my side. Stumbling on the walkway to the Crystal, just outside the orb holding it.

Ignis realized what I had done, before he could act he ran out of time. He collapsed to his knees. His face ashen from the magical flames.

"so the little Guardian wants to play with the Daemon..." Ardyn chuckled as he spat out black blood. "Then show your loved one your secret!"

I closed my eyes, pained by his demand, but I turned to Ignis. I walked up to him and placed my hands on his cheeks. He jumped at my touch, his dull eyes searching for me. "Kat... what're you...please don't fight him..." He held my hands tightly.

"I have to Iggy...I'm sorry..." I took the ring from his hand and kissed his forehead. Using the ambient magic to heal his sight a bit. I put on the ring and backed away from him. I saw his eyes widened to me. I held out my hand to the Crystal.

"Great Crystal of old, grant me the power to protect the ones worth fighting for!" My eyes and crystal glowed a bright purple. I felt like I was on fire from the Crystal's power overflowing my body. I knew the price I had to pay.

My own crystal sunk into my chest as it absorbed the powers of the ring, "CRYSTALLUS UNIFICATION, LIBERATUS!" my body became an orb of light and then cracked to reveal my true guardian form. My now silvery light lavender hair glittered like a crystal. My clothes changed into a slim fit dress that splits near the thighs. I was adorned with light silver armor on my torso, arms and legs. My once dove-like wings were replaced by crystal like fae ones. A purple crystal also poked out my forehead. In my hand was the Silver Scepter morphed into a long blade. I also grew a bit taller just about the same height as Ardyn or more.

"Kat..." Ignis said in shock as he reached out to me but a small shield blocked his reach. Soon a whole forcefield was around him.

"don't...at least not right now..." I looked back at him. Tears in my eyes.

"let the duel commence little goddess" Ardyn chuckled as he summoned his whole regalia and sent it towards us, hitting the Crystal's chambers. Soon the whole platform collapsed.

"cheap move...but I can make you pay for all that you did! For Regis! Luna! Everyone that I hold dear to my heart!" Ardyn and I clashed, ancient metal clanging and scraping against each other.

"how sentimental!!! I tried too long ago when my brother cast me out!" Ardyn roared in anger.

"I'm sorry for what Somnus did to you but after your fight with Regis I saw what Bahamut told you! He lies! No God should use what they created to help Eos! Not in this way! The Scourge will still live on, one way or another!" I struggled with Ardyn and his many power ups. "I may not be the friend you once knew! But I'll try my hardest to finish what Layanna started! No matter how long it takes!"

Ardyn growled, "you dare not speak her name! You're nothing like her! She didn't even help Aera!"

"Then I'll show you what I can do!" I raised my sword as it turned into a bow and took aim. A light arrow drew back in my weapon. A magic circle formed in front of me. A tear fell.

{Crystal Arcana}

"I'll make you see the truth! Even if it means sacrificing myself! THAT I PROMISE!!!" I let loose my arrow through the magic circle as it struck Ardyn in the chest, but not into his heart but his friendship crystal, corrupted by malus. The arrow tip soon trapped Ardyn in a crystal cocoon. I floated down and ran back to Ignis and pulled off rubble, his bubble still intact.

I smiled at him and powered down, my clothes torn and mangled from my transformation. My hair and eyes stayed the same. The ring did a number on my left arm as I took it off. I collapsed from exhaustion as the shield went down. Ignis caught me and held me close.

"why did you...you idiot..." Ignis cried, his tears falling onto my face. I placed my mangled hand on his cheek.

I winced, knowing my crystal was probably cracked. "because you always fought for me...it was my turn to fight for you. I couldn't let him or the ring kill you." I took a deep breath and found my words. "I love you..."

Ignis' eyes brightened at my words. He smiled and held my hand closer to this cheek, "I love you too" we soon closed the gap between us and shared a gentle kiss. Soon my crystal embedded in my chest began to glow and spark. The crystal around his neck also glowed. Our love made a healing aura around us. Then I saw who else was healing us. Noctis and the others found us and he found the ring I took off. The aura healed my crystal enough to where I could heal Ignis' sight.

"You think we'll be hearing their wedding bells after all?" Gladio quipped.

Noctis chuckled, "well mine never rang, but I'll be happy to see theirs"

"so what're we gonna do about the crystalized psycho over here?" Flash gestures to Ardyn asleep in the crystal.

I got up with Ignis and smiled, "taking him back to our kingdom. I never break my promise." I turned to Noctis "Noctis, it's best if you know the truth of your family..."

"so no one's gonna tell me why she's a goddess?!" Prompto yelled.

We all laughed and made our way to a summoning circle. I placed a hand on the cocoon and held Ignis' hand "in due time...first I need a cinnamon roll"

#final fantasy xv #episode ignis #ffxv ignis #ignis scientia #ignis x oc #ignis x reader #ff15 ignis #final fantasy ignis #ignis #fanfic #final fantasy fanfiction #ffxv fanfic #last pegasus

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shirks-all-responsibilities · 2 years ago

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I posted 265 times in 2022

That's 265 more posts than 2021!

9 posts created (3%)

256 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@iamskyereads

@imtryingmybeskar

@skyshipper

@fangirlingcentral

@fuckyeahdindjarin

I tagged 263 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#pedro pascal - 53 posts

#ficrec - 37 posts

#javier peña - 34 posts

#javier peña x reader - 25 posts

#javier peña x fem reader - 23 posts

#bless the gifmaker - 23 posts

#ezra prospect - 23 posts

#bless the gifs - 22 posts

#beautiful man - 18 posts

#javier peña x you - 15 posts

Longest Tag: 91 characters

#just bone and give each other all the praise you desperately want and need you silly gooses

My Top Posts in 2022:

Sleuthing Ricky Hauk's Gas Station 😌

So I was watching baby Pedro Pascal in his Touched by an Angel TV episode that aired in 2000, where he plays shy budding-poet-trapped-as-a-mechanic Ricky Hauk, and I was like...WHY does this yellow gas/service station look familiar? I feel like I have seen it before.

And THEN I remembered...OH MY STARS, Touched by an Angel was filmed in Utah! I've (unfortunately) lived in Utah for 20 years now, and even before I moved here the circles I ran in at the time loved that cheesy show and held it as a point of pride that the series was filmed here. 🙄

Because I'm RIDICULOUS, I then went on a mission to FIND that damn gas station. The show reveals the building number (390) as Pedro exits the front door in one shot, and since Salt Lake City is on a grid system I figured I could find it, but only if it was even filmed here and not some other city or town...here's footage of me scouring google maps/street view 😆:

See the full post

40 notes - Posted March 25, 2022

Oh to hug Pedro Pascal in an endless loop...

I still haven't recovered from The Hug to End All Hugs between Pedro Pascal and Diego Luna at the D23 Expo 2022 last weekend, their body language is SO genuine and sincere and joyful and tender it makes my heart want to burst into a million fluffy pieces.

Wanted to isolate and slow down this moment of preciousness...we are all Diego, imbibing the goodness that radiates from this human bean yah? 🥰🥰.

86 notes - Posted September 18, 2022

So I picked up some popcorn at the grocery store this week that had this llama on it...

117 notes - Posted August 1, 2022

Having LOST MY MIND along with the rest of y'all today, I wanted to gaze at that Vanity Fair smolder and wind-blown hair moment slowed down as much as possible...the flashing reflective lights made it uber jittery and the slow motion janky, but I wrestled with Adobe Premiere waaaaay too long tonight (and was so proud at removing the photographer's hand that was in the shot with awful motion tracking 😆) to keep this shitty gif all to mahself...enjoy! 😎

287 notes - Posted May 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Someone give him a hug.

Pedro Pascal as Javi Gutierrez in The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (2022).

728 notes - Posted June 12, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my longest tag 😆#look at them poor quality gifs #din's shifting chest plate bahahaha #need to tag more consistently #2022 tumblr baby

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cherokeecharles · 2 years ago

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What U Watchin’ #6: Awkward (2011) IS The Best Teen Dramedy Of The 2010s.

It’s the summer of 2011, The Real World is still premiering, pop culture is still evolving, and you suddenly see a promotion for a new upcoming MTV scripted TV show where a girl who supposedly tried to kill herself and becomes the laughing stock of school because of her unusual situation. Awkward was a teen drama comedy series that aired on July 19, 2011, on MTV. The series follows Jenna Hamilton who has a freak accident that was soon mistaken for a suicide attempt because of a ‘care-frontation’ letter telling her ways to be more popular and not a loser. She then begins a blog where she talks about her boy troubles, friendship issues, and peer pressure. The show went on for five seasons and had 89 episodes and the series finale was on May 24th, 2016.

As someone who has watched the show since its original air date in 2011 and rewatched it as an adult, I could comfortably tell you the source of Jenna Hamilton’s problems throughout the show. The source of Jenna Hamilton’s problems was Jenna Hamilton herself. In the first episode, Jenna loses her virginity to the school's IT boy Matty McKibben throughout the rest of the season he insists on keeping her his secret he figures out too late that he wants to claim her publicly. Jenna went along with it until she didn’t think it benefits her anymore. In the first episode, she also received the ‘care-frontatian’ letter that we figure out later that her mother wrote her. Jenna doesn’t see the letter as something helpful to her. She instead sees it as a cruel attack and she instantly starts crying. I probably was the only viewer at that time who thought that letter was necessary.

The first two ‘suggestions’ became reoccurring themes throughout the series, “Stop being such a pussy.” being first and “Your instincts suck.” which came right after. To say, Jenna Hamilton was spineless would be an understatement. Jenna would do anything for male validation and then turn to her family and friends when they previously told her, this isn’t a good idea. Jenna was very much her self-saboteur, and though she did have moments where she did have a spine, it was short-lived, and she went right back into her old behaviors that I hated. The letter probably was too harsh, especially what she just came back from but if her mother is noticing these things about her, I think that she’d wanted the best for Jenna but didn’t know how to go about it. Granted, the letter was harsh, but the weather was necessary for there to be change and for Jenna to evolve.

Having an amazing main character is one thing, but having amazing supporting characters that we fall in love with is even better. Awkward introduced us to the best ensemble cast throughout the show. Tamara was Jenna’s best friend and right-hand man throughout the show, she often gave Jenna advice and was a listening ear to Jenna, even when Jenna didn’t value what she was saying to her. Tamara was often selfless and put Jenna’s problems ahead of hers and frequently looked for her peer's approval and often tried to fit in the ‘in’ crowd. Tamara was a way better friend to Jenna than Jenna was a friend to Tamara and I’ll always die on that hill. Ming was also their best friend but she wasn’t given many storylines, Ming often was kept in the dark or the last to know what was going on in her best friend's lives but she still chased after the friendship with them and stayed loyal even though they did not value their friendship with her as much as she did with them.

Awkward has also blessed us with the meanest yet likable antagonist in the series. Sadie Saxton was Jenna Hamilton’s nemesis throughout the entire series. They did something interesting with Sadie Saxton’s character, which was making Sadie a plus-size bully, who was also an IT girl. Sadie’s character was known for saying some cruel, but necessary truths to Jenna unprovoked. Sadie was Matty McKibbon‘s best friend, and often looked out for his best interest. Though she did speak her mind she was also observant of what was going on around her and often called out people when others wouldn’t. A lot of viewers often thought that Sadie projected her insecurities about being a plus-size teenager onto others, but I don’t think that was the case. Sadie was well aware that she was plus-sized and I don’t think she had a problem with being plus size, people would often project their feelings about her way onto her, which made her miserable in return. Sadie had no problem, making friends getting a boyfriend, or even academically. I think the characters around her didn’t like how confident she was while being ‘fat’. I’m not one of those people to act like the villain was misunderstood, but Sadie Saxton makes it clear that she wasn’t. Sadie Saxton was a bitch and she owned it and that’s what made people uncomfortable.

It wouldn’t be a teen drama without a love interest plotline that drags out the entire series. Does he want her? Does she want him? Do they want to be together? What happens after? These are often questions that we asked while watching Awkward between Jenna and many of her partners throughout this series, but she always went back to this one particular guy, Matty McKibben. Matty McKibben was Jenna’s main love interest throughout the series he was the guy she lost her virginity to, who was her crush, and he was her first love too. But a reoccurring theme over the series was if Matty was into Jenna, as much as Jenna was into him. Jenna was always the one making the first moves. While Matty would always disrespect her to her face, especially in the first season. Jenna was an embarrassment to him and I didn’t blame her at first for not wanting to be his secret this series Matty learn to accept her eventually, but I still think that he didn’t value her as much as she did him. There was one season in particular where Matty did go the extra mile for Jenna, but Jenna was an asshole the entire season and cheated on him with a guy she just met. Though the relationship had a lot of push and pull I never got tired of it. It was kind of enjoyable to watch who was going to ruin the relationship this time for who was going to chase after the other.

What I loved most about Awkward was how relatable it was. Awkward what is the formula of how to make a perfect teen drama comedies that didn’t need to touch on every sensitive topic but kept it lighthearted so the audience can enjoy. Awkward didn’t have social media cues that current teenage dramas do have. Awkward was the definition of fun, re-watching this show makes me realize that we don’t always have to keep talking about sensitive topics or what’s happening on Twitter to have a relatable show sometimes peoples issues only go as far as having growing pains, annoying parents, or relationship issues that aren’t abusive. TV used to be an escape from reality in people's actual shitty situations not amplified by writers who like to trauma dump onto the audience. Teen shows used to include drama and it would make the audience ’ooh ‘ and ‘ahh’ but nowadays it makes the audience run to Twitter with a think piece on ‘why XYZ character is wrong’ and make a 30-tweet thread about it to talk about for two weeks straight. TV was better when we didn’t have to have a conversation or add extra nuance to what we saw what we saw was what it was and we accepted it as it was.

What do you guys miss about TV? Do you like the extra conversations that we now have? What are some teen dramas that you recommend?

Awkward is available for streaming on Paramount+!

See you guys next post!

Cherokee💓

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thepeakygirl · 3 years ago

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5:17

Masterlist

Summary - Left alone in the hospital Lizzie’s world falls apart at 5:17 leaving a heart sized hole in her chest that could never be healed.

Warning - Don’t read if you haven’t watched 6x03 or don’t know what happens

Word count - 1540

Authors Note - I’m still an emotional mess from the ending of that episode and decided to write this. I don’t know why I wrote this I just did. I’m sorry 🥺 My little heart is broken right now and I needed to cry it out. When I’m sad I write.

“Where’s daddy?”

Her voice was but a soft whisper floating through the air like a leaf being carried in the wind yet her words held strength, her eyes filled with the hope that she’d soon have answers. Raising her hand, Lizzie gently brushed away the hair that had glued itself onto Ruby’s cheek, a choked sigh leaving her lips.

“He’s coming my love, he’ll be here soon I promise” Lizzie told her, ignoring the terrible stirring in her stomach as she lied to her child. Truthfully she didn’t know when Tommy was coming back, he’d left without a word to find Esme before Ruby had woke again and hadn’t returned.

He was late.

He was always late.

She needed him, Ruby needed him and he wasn’t here where he was supposed to be. Lizzie had to do this on her own whilst keeping a smile on her face, she didn’t want to scare Ruby by showing her own fear despite how terrified she was.

God, she was fucking terrified, more than she’d ever been in her life. If a mothers love could save their child, Ruby would of already recovered, instead the disease inside her continued to spread. She willed the heavens to allow her to switch places and let her child live. Lizzie did not care for death, she would accept it willingly so long as she got to see the life come back into Ruby’s eyes before she went.

Behind her mask Lizzie bit down on her trembling lip, willing her tired eyes to give nothing away. She couldn’t cry, not when Ruby needed her, not when she was the only person there. She’d watched on all day as her baby faded, falling deeper into death and away from life and there was nothing she could do, nothing but sit and wait, praying for miracle.

Lizzie refused to give up hope, she couldn’t face the world without Ruby in it. A child wasn’t supposed to die before their parents. Lizzie was going to watch her as she grew into a wonderful woman, her beautiful star in a Hollywood movie. The crackling of Ruby’s exhausted breaths ripped those thoughts away from her.

Lizzie’s fingers ran her fingers over Ruby’s face. She’d done it so often after giving birth, tracing her delicate little features to store in her memory, fascinated by Ruby’s perfection. Her and Thomas had created something wonderful, two street rats blessed with the greatest children.

“What are you doing Mummy?” Ruby laughed silently, a humoured twinkle within her dark eyes.

“Loving you” Lizzie answered smiling, suddenly hating the mask that kept her restricted. She wanted Ruby to see her smile, she wanted to reassure her baby that everything would be ok. It had to be ok there was no other choice.

“Can we go home soon? I don’t like it here”

Lizzie’s heart was clawing at her chest, ripping her apart from the inside out. Lifting her hands, she pulled the mask from her face and dropped it into her lap.

“Mrs Shelby it’s not wise” The doctor called out his mouth snapping shut as Lizzie fixed her glare on his and shook her head, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

“I don’t care” She protested “I don’t care……not anymore”

Wiping away her tear, Lizzie forced herself to smile again, her hand finding Ruby’s and holding it to her chest where her heart continued to fall apart.

“Yes we’ll go home soon Ruby, we’ll get you back in your nice big bed and Frances can make you your favourite cake. I’ll let you finish that film that we started at Christmas”

“And Charlie Mummy, we can all watch it together” Ruby smiled back happily thinking of her brother. She hadn’t got to see him since she took to bed a few days ago. She knew he’d be worried but she wouldn’t be here for much long and then they wouldn’t have to miss each other again.

“And Charlie if we can get him to sit still for long enough” Lizzie laughed, the sound foreign to her now “He’s missing you, told me this morning when I went to check on him at the house”

“Mu..”

She was coughing again, blood spluttering from her mouth and onto her white gown before Lizzie had a chance to stop it. Letting go of Ruby’s hand, Lizzie held the back of her head and lifted it from the pillow below. Retrieving the mask from her lap, she held it against Ruby’s mouth and waited for the coughing to ease, the blessing from the priest in the corner of her eye stirring up the panic Lizzie had tried to hard to keep at bay for both Ruby’s and her own sake.

“There baby let it out, let it out” She cooed until the coughing had stopped and wiping Ruby’s mouth, Lizzie guided her head back down into the pillow and threw the mask to the floor.

“The grey man is coming for me isn’t he?” Ruby cried out, her face panicked as she tried her best to breathe.

Why couldn’t she breathe? It was stuck deep down inside her. Sometimes this happened when she went underwater for too long only this time it wasn’t going away. There was no surface to for her go break through, there was no way for her to breathe “I want daddy”

‘Ello Ruby’ Closing her eyes Ruby saw her dads smiling face calling out as he waved at her, beckoning her towards him. She needed him, he was going to make everything better, he was going to make sure she breathed again. Ruby could see herself running towards him with an excited grin, eager to leap into his arms and feel his warmth. She didn’t want to be in this room, it was cold, she was cold. Ruby could no longer feel the tips of her fingers but everything would be alright once she reached her dad.

“He’s coming love I swear to you he’ll be here soon. Daddy’s been looking for help to get you all better and once he does he’ll be here because there’s nothing we wouldn’t do for you. We would run to the ends of the earth and tear the heavens from the sky just for you and Charlie so you best believe daddy’s coming back to help us soon” Leaning her head against Ruby’s Lizzie closed her eyes too and placed a soft kiss on her lips before kissing the tip of her nose, swallowing the lump in her throat that threatened to choke her “I love you Ruby and daddy, he loves you so much”

‘Where are you tommy? Where are you?’ She pleaded internally feeling her tears beginning to fall, mixing with Ruby’s as they dripped onto her cold cheeks ‘We need you’

A small rattled moan left the back of Ruby’s throat and then there was nothing.

“Ruby?” Lizzie whispered suddenly aware she could no longer feel Ruby’s breaths against her face. Lifting her head slightly, her hands came back to Ruby’s sweet little face, her fingers caressing her wet cheeks “Ruby?…..Ruby?!”

Lizzie pressed her ear against her mouth, watching the doctor move towards them, looming over the bed as if he were death himself.

“No….no” Her body heaved with sobs pulling her shattered heart into mouth as she moved Ruby’s face from side to side, willing her to breathe again. She needed to feel her soft breaths, she needed to feel her chest rise “Ruby please….don’t leave me. Ruby?!”

“Mrs Shelby?” The doctor leaned over to Ruby’s side, inspecting the child laid before him. Already he knew what had happened, it was only a matter of time. The disease had progressed too much for the hospital to help little Ruby. She needed to be moved now before it spread further, infecting others within the building “Mrs Shelby I’m so sorry”

“No! She’s not! She can’t be, bring her back please! I’ll do anything if you just bring her back to me” Lizzie’s wails filled the room, echoing off the walls and tearing at the hearts of others “Not my baby, not her”

Looking up at the doctor with pleading eyes she watched as began to lift his sleeve. She tried so desperately to reach out to him and make him stop yet he backed away from her and revealed the watch that had been tucked neatly beneath his uniform.

“There must be something! Don’t give up on her please”

He was a doctor, there had to be something he could do. Her perfect little girl couldn’t be dead, she couldn’t. She was the sunshine that had entered Lizzie’s dark life, filling it with light and wonder. It was warm and it was beautiful. Ruby was everything Lizzie never believed she deserved. Lifting Ruby from the bed, Lizzie brought her into an embrace and placed her lips against her head, drowning out the scream that escaped her throat.

“I’m sorry Mrs Shelby” The doctor expressed again with a saddened frown lifting his wrist to his face and ripping away what was left of Lizzie’s heart.

“No”

Lizzie couldn’t hear it! She couldn’t. She just wanted her baby back.

“Time of death 5:17”

Lizzie’s sunshine was gone.

#peaky blinders #the peaky blinders #peaky blinder #thomas shelby #tommy shelby #lizzie stark #lizzie shelby #ruby shelby #peaky blinders fanfic #peaky blinders fanfiction #peaky blinders one shot #peaky blinders s6 spoilers #peaky blinders s6 #bbc peaky blinders #charlie shelby #charles shelby #peaky fookin blinders

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babymetaldoll · 4 years ago

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DIWK - Chapter four: "Hurt"

Words count: 13,7K

The gif is mine ✨

Warnings: Hardcore Spencer trauma. Mention of drug abuse, torture, Criminal Minds usual case triggers. Spoilers of Season 2 E14/15 Criminal Minds.

Summary: An unsub abducts Spencer, and reader blames JJ for it.

A/N: Have you ever wished you were there to save Spencer from Tobias Hankel? I know I have. I know reader wants to... I'm dying to know what you'll think of this chapter! Sorry if it's a little too graphic, writing Spencer's POV of this episode was really hard.

Series Masterlist

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

(Y/N)'s point of view

I remember the day Emily Prentiss arrived. We had a case in Saint Louis. Two serial killers, 'cos it couldn't just be one asshole making everyone miserable. And on top of all, Hotch was confused and upset 'cos he never signed Emily's transfer to the BAU. It was like someone was trying to force her into the team, and we all thought it was weird.

We left the bullpen off to the case and left Prentiss in the office, not knowing if she actually got the job or not. I know Elle and I weren't incredibly close, but it still felt weird to think someone might join the team and try to replace her. It didn't work that way in that job. It didn't feel right at the moment.

There is something I also distinctly remember about that day: Gideon talked to me. And not only that, but he actually trusted my knowledge. We hadn't been on the best terms for a few months, so that approach meant a lot to me.

We were at the police station. Reid and I had been analyzing the letters one of the killers had sent to a journalist to find something that might help us catch him before there were any more victims. That's when JJ and Jason walked in, and he asked about our progress.

- "He only sent this to an individual, which shows he is not confident enough to initiate contact with the masses."- Spencer explained as he projected an image of the letter on the wall.

- "Emotional indicators are analyzed through slants, and you can see the shooter maintains vertical, narrow letter writing, and both are signs of repression"- I said and pointed at the image on the wall- "And the pressure, if you look closely, it's excessively heavy, which shows that he's uptight and can easily overreact."

Gideon looked at me and nodded. It was my cue to keep on talking. For once in a long time, I was feeling approved by him.

- "You got all that from his handwriting?"- JJ asked me, surprised. Reid looked at me from the other side of the room, and I could feel his smile reflecting how proud he was of me.

- "Graphology is an effective and reliable indicator of personality and behavior."

- "But my writing is always different,"- she added, and I nodded. I was waiting for that comment.

- "Yes, because it represents your emotions at the moment, just like your facial expressions parallel the way you are feeling while you are speaking."

- "What else can we know about our unsub from this?"- Gideon asked me.

- "Well, our killer uses simple statements, all first person, like "I won't be ignored," which means he's obviously tired of feeling this way. He may have a job in solitude or one that he feels strips of his identity. His work might require him to wear a uniform, something that shows absolutely no individuality, or he may be overqualified for his menial job and feels that he doesn't get the respect that he necessarily deserves."

I made a pause and waited for his words. I was giving my best, and I swear I was still hoping I could ever get Jason Gideon's blessing.

- "I think we are ready to give a profile,"- he said and nodded.

And damn, that felt good.

When we were back in Quantico, Hotch had a long and clearly awkward conversation with the section chief, Erin Strauss. She was scary. She was clearly trying to get rid of Hotch, questioning his work daily, decisions, and how he managed the team. Why? I have no idea.

It felt she forced him to accept Prentiss into the team. We were one man down after Elle left. Ok, one awesome woman down, so we definitely needed some help. And Emily was a great addition from day one.

We clicked right away. Prentiss was funny, smart, but most of all, she constantly had to prove she deserved to be there. Just like me. Gideon gave her the cold shoulder from day one, and that I could relate. The only difference was that she won him over in a few days, though. I was still trying to win that battle.

Garcia decided we needed a girl's night, and she hosted the first of many "BAU Girl Power get together." Basically, it was us at Penelope's place drinking and talking.

That first night, we updated Prentiss with everything that had happened with Elle. She wanted to know everything about us, what we did, how long we've been on the team, and how we all got along. It was sweet and fresh. After that year in the BAU, I had already learned to enjoy the sweet things in life. Like getting drunk with my work girlfriends.

- "So, does Hotch ever smile?"- Emily asked, and we all laughed at the very same time. Yes, it was getting late, and we weren't as sober as we should have been.

- "He does! he does!"- JJ assured us- "You should see him with his baby."

- "He is a dad?"- Emily was shocked. I was surprised too when I found out Aaron was married and with a baby. The amount of time he spends at work always made me feel he had zero personal life.

- "And has a beautiful wife"- JJ added- "He is always laughing when he is with her and baby Jack."

- "I guess this job can drain the happiness from your day... "- I thought out loud, but before anyone could say anything about my dark and bitter comment, my cell phone rang.

- "Hey honey bunny, everything ok?"- I stood up and walked to the kitchen. I didn't want to interrupt the girl's conversations.

- "Yes, I just wanted to make sure you were drinking enough water between drinks"- I laughed and shook my head. Only Reid could call to say such a thing. He was the sweetest friend on earth.

- "Yes, I am, don't worry. I'm not going to be hungover or drunk tomorrow. I know you are excited about the new exposition."

- "You are gonna love it!"

- "I am sure I will"- and I wasn't kidding. I loved when he dragged me to the Smithsonian or any museum for some nerdy fun.

- "Have fun with the girls."

- "What are you doing, by the way?"

- "Just reading a little, you left your complete Sherlock Holmes collection here, so I'll be solving mysteries while you get drunk."

- "Don't have too much fun without me"- he chuckled and ended the call. I smiled and walked back to the girls looking at me with a funny grin on their faces.

- "Was that your boyfriend?"- Penelope asked me, and I frowned right away.

- "No, it was Reid. He just wanted to confirm we are going to the museum tomorrow."

- "Wait"- Prentiss narrowed her brows and looked at us confused- "Reid ain't your boyfriend?"

JJ and Garcia's laughter was epical, as well as my frown. They nearly gasped for air while Prentiss and I waited until they calmed down.

- "No"- I finally answered- "Reid is not my boyfriend."

- "He is more than that; he is her work husband,"- Penelope clarified, and I turned to her with my mouth wide open, shocked.

- "What the fuck? Reid ain't my work husband. He is my best friend!!"

- "Yes, and you happen to call your best friend "honey bunny," right?"- JJ questioned, just like she had a few months before when we were alone in our room away on a case.

- "Reid is my best friend, and yes, I call all my close friends by weird pet names. You will get one too if you are lucky."

- "But I thought"- Emily continued- "I mean, he looks at you like you are his sun."

- "No, Prentiss, the only coupe in this team is the one between "chocolate thunder" and "baby girl" right here"- I pointed at Garcia, and she just blushed and covered her face.

- "My love for Derek will burn forever with the intensity of a thousand suns. I mean, have you seen that man? he was made by the gods and sent to earth just to give my existence some sense"- we all laughed at those cheesy words, though Pen was serious about them.

- "But, have you ever...?- JJ looked at her and made a pause. We were all looking at every single facial movement or behavior she might show to read her body language."

- "My relationship with my loverman could never be tainted by something as mundane as sex."

- "Like you wouldn't lick honey from that six-pack and ride that thunder."

The words just left my lips, and I blame the buzz. BAU (Y/N) would have never said that. Drunk (Y/N) would, totally.

The girls laughed until tears fell from their eyes, and I just chuckled, honestly happy to make them laugh. I had been more of the real me than I had ever actually been around them in nearly a year.

- "Hello?"- my phone rang again when I was walking out of the bathroom. And this time, it was Paul.

- "Hey babe, what are you doing?"

- "Hey, I'm..."- I looked at the girls in front of me and sighed- "I'm stuck with paperwork"- and they turned to me immediately. I could read the "What the fuck" on their faces.

- "Well, I'm at Rob's in case you feel like dropping by. We are writing a few songs."

- "I'll text you if I finish with this early, but... have fun."

- "Ok, bye"- I hung up and sighed.

- "And that was..."- Prentiss asked, frowning.

- "My boyfriend,"- I explained and grabbed another beer

- "Sure, I could feel the passion,"- Garcia joked, but I just didn't think it was funny.

I knew my relationship with Paul wasn't alright. Actually, things with Paul weren't. Period. We were done, it was apparent, but still, neither of us had said it. That relationship was just a few phone calls every once in a while, only to make small talks. When we were together, we would just watch a movie, eat something, drink a few beers, and that was it. It had been a long time since we had sex or even made out. I don't know why I didn't end it sooner. I guess I was just afraid to do it.

But I let more months pass before I actually did something.

Spencer's point of view

I'm not proud of what happened that year after Prentiss joined the team. I think that year changed me profoundly, and a part of me never fully recovered afterward.

Maybe it had to be that way, and it was something I had to go through to grow up. I guess I'm still trying to make some sense of all the misery I put my friends through. Mostly (Y/N). She was in hell with me.

A few weeks after New Year, we started working on a case. Someone was killing wealthy people in their own homes. At first, we thought there were two unsubs, 'cos one of them called 911 after killing, and you could hear them struggling and arguing. But no, it was just one.

Tobias Hankel was a delusional serial killer. He had split personalities, not two but actually three. His father, the one who tortured me. The archangel Raphael, who was trying to make God's will, killing people. And himself, who wanted to save me, but instead, he nearly destroyed me.

What do I remember about the day he kidnapped me? I remember I was stupid enough to try to catch an unsub alone, just to prove I could take care of myself on the field. Hotch sent me and JJ to talk to Hankel at his house, 'cos apparently, he might have seen the unsub months earlier. But no, he was the unsub, and neither JJ nor me could stop him.

We hid in a barn, and I was so eager to prove I could catch him; I told JJ we had to split up to cover the place. I was counting on Hotch to get there with the team sooner than they did, and before I realized it, I was in the middle of a cornfield, and Hankel was pointing at me with my own gun.

I was sure I was going to die right there. All of Hankel's personalities were struggling inside of him. I couldn't stop thinking about why I thought I could do it on my own? Why had I been a reckless asshole? Was it because I wanted to prove I was an excellent SAA? Because I wanted to impress JJ? Maybe I tried to convince myself I could do the same job my team did. I knew I wasn't the most physical person, but I had a gun. I had been trained to capture killers.

Yes, I was an asshole that day, and I've regretted everything that happened that night many, many times in the following years.

When I woke up, I was tied to a chair, and the archangel Raphael had taken Hankel's mind completely. The room was dark, and it smelled awful. He was burning fish hearts and livers, 'cos he believed it kept the devil away.

I was confused and lost. My head was spinning, and my heart was about to burst into my chest. I knew I could die any second now. Raphael wasn't the one to show mercy. That's what I had learned from all the videos Hankel had uploaded to the web. He had shared with the world every murder they had committed to show the other sinners what was going to happen to them.

- "They believe you can see inside men's minds"- Raphael looked at me with dark eyes, implying he meant Tobias and his father

- "It's not true. I study human behavior."- my voice was shaking. I knew I had never been more scared in my entire life. He took out a gun and showed me one bullet.

- "Do you know what this is? It's God's will."

Things didn't look good for me. He put it in the cylinder of the revolver and spun it. He was going to let my life to luck.

- "You don't have to do this"- I tried to talk him out of it, though I knew it wasn't going to work.

- "No go, sinners, to your God."

And he pressed the trigger.

What went through my mind the seconds that passed between having the gun pointed to my face and realizing I had lived? My mom. All I could think of was how my mom would react to the news of my death. I could never bear to hurt her like that. I couldn't die. I couldn't leave her alone.

I sighed, relieved, and bit my lips not to cry. Raphael looked at me with a blank expression and walked out of the room. I had survived for now.

I struggled with my handcuff, but it was useless. My head was killing me. I could feel the open wound on my head, still dripping blood on my temple and head. I tried to focus on the pain for a few minutes, just to make sure I was awake. It was a nightmare, and keeping myself sane and conscious under those circumstances was nearly impossible.

How was I going to get out of there alive? Did the team know where I was? I had no idea where I had been taken. I had been unconscious the whole way. It was dark, and I couldn't see much around me. I wasn't afraid of that darkness. I was more fearful of the man that left me alone, 'cos he was armed and mentally unstable. Darkness had nothing on him.

I had to focus on the things that kept me sane. The things that made me want to get out of that room alive.

- "My name is Spencer Walter Reid. I'm twenty-five years old, my mother's name is Diana Reid, I was born in Las Vegas, October 28th, 1981."

I closed my eyes and tried to think of all the things that made me happy.

- "I work at the BAU, my best friend's name is (Y/N), and she sits at the desk in front of me. Derek Morgan is the closest I've got to an older brother."

He was. He still is. You have to be close to dead to start seeing things clearly sometimes. Derek was my brother. He treated me like a kid, but a kid brother. He was always teasing me, trying to teach me how to pick up girls, trying to drag me to the gym with him. Derek was a good friend, we were very different, and I knew if we had been classmates in high school, we would probably never have talked. He was a jock, and I was a nerd. But life had brought us together. And now I couldn't think of a better friend than him.

I tried to focus on my happiest memories. My birthday came to mind. The guys had planned a Halloween-themed birthday party at the conference room of the BAU. Of course, Garcia baked a cake and (Y/N) helped her decorate it. It was incredible, 'cos it was covered with tiny gourds and skulls.

- "Frank and Mikey sent you these,"- she announced after everybody had given me their presents. I wide opened my eyes in shock 'cos I had no idea her friends knew it was my birthday or even cared about it.

- "Why?"- I had to ask.

- "'Cos they think you are amazing. They actually wanted to come over to your house and have a few beers tonight."- I opened my mouth to say something, but Derek interrupted me.

- "Pretty boy is gonna get to work hungover again."

- "Shut up"- (Y/N) and I said at the same time, making everybody chuckle. I opened the present her friends had sent me and laughed right away.

- "Lucky Doc"- I read and took out of the bag a Sports Illustrated issue with Lila Archer on the cover. My cheeks turned red immediately.

- "Frank still hasn't overcome that story. I think he will hate you forever"- (Y/N) laughed (along with the rest of the team) and gave me another present.

- "They also sent you this. They said you were going to like the man in black"- it was a Johnny Cash's vinyl- "Frank picked it. He thinks he is some sort of musical psychic that can read people's taste in music."

- "We should get together and have a few beers one of these days. I need to thank them for these."

Gideon looked at me in silence as soon as I said those words. But I didn't care if he disapproved. I was going to be (Y/N)'s friend, whether he liked it or not.

He is the closest I've had to a dad in the latest years. He cares about me, and he tries to make the best of me that he can. Yes, he can be too apprehensive. I think that's a way to put it. But only because he wants me to be the best profiler I can be.

I never thought I would end up working at the BAU. I never thought I would love the job I do as much as I do. Back when I was in college, I thought I would dedicate my life to finding a cure for schizophrenia, but I ended up hunting serial killers across the country.

And though I was about to die, I didn't regret any of the decisions that led me there.

The morning found me shaking, cold, and scared. I was in a small cabin in the woods. Just like the worst and more cliché horror movie ever made. This was my own horror movie.

- "What are you staring at, boy?"- Tobias opened the front door carrying logs for the fire. His voice had changed yet again, so I knew it wasn't the same person I had talked to the night before.

- "You are not Raphael."- I whispered, looking at every movement he did.

- "Do I look like Raphael?"- had I insulted him? I couldn't tell. He turned to the fire, and I took a deep breath, doing my best to stay calm.

- "Thank you for burning those, for keeping us safe."- I said, looking at the fish hearts and livers he was preparing to put on the fire.

- "Don't try to trick me."

- "I would never try to trick you."

- "You are a liar."

- I'm not a liar."- it was hard to stay calm and not start screaming for help or mercy, but I knew that was going to take me nowhere with him.

- "Lying is a sin."

- "I'm not a liar."- he walked closer to me, and sat right in front of me, held my leg up, and grabbed my foot.

- "This will be over quickly if you just confess your sins."

- "I am not a sinner"- I whispered again. He took off my shoe.

- "We are all sinners."- it didn't look good for me, not at all, and I knew I had to talk to him with his words with his beliefs to save my life.

- "The Lord spake unto Moses saying "Speak unto all the congregation of the children of the lord" and say unto them, ye shall be holy, for I, the Lord your God, am holy."

Hankel, this time in the personality of his father, looked at me surprised. I might have done something right, 'cos he stopped moving, and for a second, I thought it was going to be ok.

- "You know Leviticus."

- "I know every word of the bible. I can recite it for you."- but his eyes turned dark again.

- "The devil knows how to read too."

- "I'm not a devil, I'm not a devil2- I repeated, and couldn't stop shaking, 'cos my life on the hands of a sociopath.

- "I'm a man, my name is Spencer Reid, and I have a mother, and I have a father just like you, and they taught me the bible, let me recite the bible."

My voice cracked at the knowledge of what he was going to do. He stood up, still holding my foot. He was going to torture me, he was going to try to break me, and I had to be strong. I didn't know how I would find the strength, but I had to be strong.

- "Time to confess, Spencer Reid"- and without further notice, he slapped a log against my foot, making me scream in pain. It hurt from the tip of my toes until the back of my skull. I hadn't felt that kind of pain, and it was worse knowing he was just getting started. Tears started falling down my cheeks in no time.

- "Confess!"

- "I don't have anything to confess."- I whimpered and closed my eyes, 'cos I knew he was going to continue his torture. And so he did. The pain was excruciating. I was sure I was going to pass out

I tried to go to a happy place in my head, somewhere when I could hide from all that pain. It was too hard, though. It hurt too much. I kept repeating over and over again I wasn't a sinner, begging Hankel for mercy, as he shouted I had to confess.

I made an effort to think about what he might want me to say. What did he want me to confess? Which sins was he talking about? But nothing came to my mind, nothing but the pain and the fear of dying.

(Y/N)'s point of view

The second we reached Hankel's cabin, I started looking for Spencer. I had a horrible feeling about it. Morgan and I headed it to a barn with Prentiss. There was no sign of anyone. It was dark and quiet. Never a good sign.

- "Shit!"- I whispered, staring at three dead dogs and a bath of blood in front of me. There laid the body of another victim that was missing from Hankel's last attack.

- "FBI!!"- JJ shouted suddenly. She was pointing his gun to us, clearly in shock- "Don't move!!"

- "JJ, it's Morgan, (Y/L/N), and Prentiss! Don't shoot"- Derek tried to calm her down, walking towards her- "Are you hurt?"- she lowered the gun and stared at us. You could read the fear and the trauma in her eyes.

- "Tobias Hankel is the unsub,"- she whispered as Prentiss rubbed her arm sweetly, trying to comfort her.

- "Yeah, we know"- I moved towards her too and put my gun back into the holster.

- "And we thought he was just a witness"- we looked around, and JJ pointed at the dead dogs.

- "JJ, where is Reid?"- Derek asked her, but she just continued talking.

- "They completely tore her apart"

- "JJ, look at me,"- I said and held her arm carefully- "Look at me, where's Reid?"- she was shaking, and her voice was cracking. I knew she was making her best effort to pull herself together.

- "We split up. He said he was going to go in the back."

And there it was. That was the reason why I had a bad feeling all along. Derek looked at me and nodded as we read each other's minds. The two of us turned around and ran outside, leaving JJ with Prentiss, waiting for the medical team and ambulance to check on her wounds.

Gideon and Hotch were inside the cabin, looking for Hankel, but there was no one there. And there was no sign of Reid behind the barn either, in the cornfield, or anywhere in the perimeter. Reid was nowhere to be found, and I started losing it little by little. I tried to repeat myself the words Hotch had said many times during my year in the BAU: "when you are out there with the team; your mind has to be one hundred percent on the case." But the case had never included my best friend missing before.

- "Hey, is there any sign of him yet?- I asked the police chief as I reached the ambulance. He was there talking with JJ, making sure she was ok.

- "We got every one of our units on the road. He won't make it far"- I nodded and watched him walk away. I knew he thought I was talking about Hankel, but I actually meant Reid.

I turned to JJ and moved a little closer to her. Her eyes open wide, staring back at me.

- "You can't find Reid?"- I just shook my head and tried to sound as casual as I could, not to freak her out. She was still in shock. I didn't want to make it worse.

- "Not yet"

- "(Y/N)"- Derek held my arm and forced me to walk away from the ambulance.- "Reid followed him into the cornfield. It looks like somebody got dragged."

My heart stopped. Did the psychopath hurt Spencer? Did he kill him? Did he torture him? Was he hurt? Was he alive? Where was he? Derek looked at me, and I nodded. I bit my lips and took a deep breath. Hotch's words were my mantra now: "your mind has to be one hundred percent on the case."

- "Are you sure?"- we turned to the police's chief, overhearing his conversation- "We are on our way now."

- "What's going on?"

- "The sheriff down two towns over, he just gave directions to a man who fit Hankel's descriptions. It's to a motor lodge in fort bend."

- "Let's get Hotch and Gideon"- Derek held my arm and walked with me to the cabin. We had to find Reid, and we had to do it fast.

That was the worst night of my life. The first worst night of my life, to be sincere. I didn't close an eye. I went through every paper, every note, every detail in that cabin, trying to find a clue that could lead us to where Tobias had taken Reid.

I felt someone had ripped my heart from my chest. I had to think straight, and to do it, I had to keep a cold head. But as the hours passed, it became a more demanding and more challenging task to complete. I knew the whole team was suffering, but that didn't ease my pain. And I knew JJ felt guilty, but that didn't stop me from blaming her in my mind. She left him alone. I would have never left Spencer alone on the field.

- "(Y/N), you should try to get some rest."

Derek whispered as he sat on the floor next to me, where I had been sitting for the last half hour, reading Tobias's old diaries. Nothing but fear of his father, mentions of Dilaudid use, and bible transcriptions.

- "I'm ok,"- I answered and didn't even take my eyes from the pages.

- "(Y/N), I mean it"

- "I'm not going to rest if he is out there in the hands of a psychopath, Derek"- I had to bite my lips and shut the fuck up, 'cos if I said one more word, I knew I was going to burst into tears.

Morgan just wrapped an arm around my shoulders and moved me closer to him. That was the first time I let him hug me, and it felt good to know I wasn't alone in my desperation. I knew he loved Reid like a brother, and neither of us was going to stop until we found him.

- "Welcome to our nightmare"- JJ's voice broke the silence we had been into for the last hour when Hotch walked into the cabin with Penelope.

It was morning already. There were still no signs of Reid. Prentiss, Gideon, JJ, and I had been sitting at the table, reading everything we could.

- "His computer is an extension of his brain. I need you to dissect it,"- Gideon whispered to García. You could feel the concern in his voice. She just nodded in shock and turned to Derek, who held her hand and helped her get set up in the computer room.

- "So, nothing new since I left?"- Hotch asked and looked at us. I just shook my head and continued reading.

- "Well, the good thing is the guy documented practically every second of his life"- Prentiss words took me from the pages I was reading. I looked at her and raised an eyebrow. The concept of "good" was poorly used in that phrase.

- "The bad news is, we are still un-piling,"- she added and sighed.

- "From the looks of it, he hasn't left this place in years,"- JJ managed to say. She made her best effort to be useful, but she was in worse shape than everybody else. Yet, that didn't make me feel bad for her. I was mad at her and kept making my best to put it aside, 'cos my head had to be in the case.

- "He knew he could pretend to be looking for a motel and throw us off his trail,"- Emily inferred, but I shook my head as soon as I heard her.

- "No, no, no, it's more than that!"- I shook my head and took a deep breath- "Sheriff's office, 911 calls, every time he engages the police and gets away with it... he reassures himself, God's on his side. Not ours."- I added.

Gideon nodded, and we shared a moment of agreement. He was as worried as I was. I could feel it. I'm not saying the rest of the team wasn't, I'm saying Jason was as fucked up as I was, and I could sense he was having the same trouble I had making sure my head and not my sentiments were into the case.

But if anything happened to Reid, I didn't know what I was capable of doing.

At a certain point, I got sick of reading and not doing anything and decided to look around the house again if we had missed anything. Derek went along. One part of me felt he wanted to stay away from JJ too. Maybe he was as mad as I was about her leaving Reid alone. I know I couldn't blame her, but I did it anyway.

- "Guys!! I think I've got something!"- Derek yelled, and I ran over. He opened a door that led to a basement. I walked right behind him, pointing my gun and my flashlight all over. But there was no sign of Reid.

- "Tobias Hankel!!"- Morgan shouted. Someone was sitting in what looked to be a gigantic freezer- "Tobias!"- but we didn't get any response. I took a step closer and examined carefully.

- "Morgan, I think we just found Hankel's father."

Spencer's point of view

On my second night in that cabin, I met Tobias. The third personality of Hankel walked into the room, carrying what seemed to be a dead deer. He looked as frightened as I was.

- "You need to eat."

- "What's your name?"

- "Tobias."

- "Tobias, who was here before?"

- "Probably my father."

He looked at me up and down, and he immediately understood what he had done to me. It was scary how he could dissociate. Someone with multiple personality disorder is usually unaware of the other personality states and memories when an alter is dominant. In this case, Tobias knew the other personalities but considered them different persons. He didn't think they were all in his head.

- "I'm sorry if he hurt you."

He looked at me like he understood everything I had been going through. Maybe he had been through something similar when his father was alive. Perhaps he had been a victim of Hankel as well, and that's what triggered his psychopathic nature.

He walked over and took out his belt.

- "What are you doing?"- he wrapped it around my arm, and I started begging him to stop.

- "It helps"- he took out of his pocket a needle and a small bottle of what seemed to be some kind of drug.

- "Don't tell my father. He doesn't know they are here."

- "Please, I don't want it, I don't want it, please"- I cried and begged.

- "It helps. I know"- it was the last thing Tobias said before the needle found my vein.

And he was right. It helped. Every single amount of pain I was feeling disappeared. My brain shut down. Somehow, everything was ok. I never had in my entire life felt so good before.

My mind kept flashing memories of when I was a kid. I kept seeing images of the day my father left and how he called my mother crazy.

- "You are weak"- mom spit those words after he refused to take me with him. I know she said it not because she didn't want me with her, but because mom knew she was sick and wanted the best for me. And he refused.

- "I'm not weak."- I whispered as I looked at her smiling back at me.

- "I know, honey."

I don't know how long I was drugged, but when I woke up, Tobias wasn't there with me anymore. It was his father.

And the torture continued.

(Y/N)'s point of view

Gideon was trying to convince me to go out with Prentiss and JJ to see a Narcotics anonymous's contact that might give us more information about Tobias. Emily had found some flyers about it in his room, and it could be the only lead we had to find him and Reid.

- "You need to get out of this house for a while"- he whispered and tapped on my back.

I knew he wasn't the one to be loving or physical with people, less with me. But that moved me. I turned to him and my eyes watered up. I was scared, and I couldn't hide it anymore. The more hours passed, the fewer the chances were to find Spencer safe. Alive.

I felt his arms around me suddenly, holding me tight, trying to keep the pieces of me together. We were alone on the porch, and though I didn't want to fall apart, I couldn't hold it anymore.

Jason didn't say a word. He just hugged me and let me cry for a few minutes. I didn't say anything either. I actually couldn't because I was overwhelmed with everything.

- "Are you ready, (Y/N)?"

Prentiss whispered as she walked over with JJ. I turned my back at them for a second to hide the tears that kept falling down my cheeks. I knew it was a shitty thing to do, 'cos it was obvious I had been sobbing, but they gave me the courtesy of not saying anything.

- "You go, I need (Y/N)'s assistance with some diary entries"- the two of them walked away quietly, and thankfully, didn't argue with Gideon.

- "Thank you,"- I whispered and felt his hand on my shoulder one more time.

- "You are doing a fantastic job,"- he said and turned around.

I wish I could tell you that made me feel better, but instead, I just thought I had the duty to bring my friend back home safe.

It had been at least an hour since the girls left. Morgan, Hotch, Gideon, and the police chief were in the living room with me, reading. I sipped my hundredth cup of coffee and re-read the same diary entry for the third time.

- "There's something weird going on here."- I thought out loud and walked towards Gideon

- "You think?"- the police chief turned to me and raised an eyebrow, ironically.

- "No, seriously, check this out. This journal is filled with religious ramblings. He notated hour by hour: "November 15th, 3:17, if ye offer a sacrifice of peace offering unto the Lord, ye shall offer it at your own will", and it goes on and on: 5:04, 7:41, 10:22, 1:42."

I made a short pause and looked at Gideon and Hotch. They didn't get where I was going.

- "But then, it goes blank for days."

- "Maybe he got sick of writing"- I seriously hated that police chief.

- "I think I got it"- Hotch whispered- "Journal entry: "December 6th. Father is sick. He wants me to put him down. I say thou shalt not kill. He said, honor thy father. Must pray for guidance."

- "So he kills his father as an act of mercy?"- Gideon asked, knowing the answer.

- "This is two months ago. Tobias Hankel's father had been dead for four months already."

- "That's exactly it"- I murmured, thinking Tobias Hankel was way more fucked up than we thought.

- "Look at the floor"- Derek pointed at a chair and moved it- "These scuffs marks are fresh. It's like two people were pushing the chairs constantly, trying to fight for control."

- "So?"- I swear to God, that chief was driving me insane.

- "This journal matches Charles Hankel's handwriting, but it was written after he died"- I explained. Still, it felt he wasn't following me.

- "What do you mean?"

- "Upstairs, Tobias' bedroom got junk piled from floor to ceiling, but the other bedroom could pass a military inspection."

- "So, are you telling me one of Tobias' personalities was his father?"

Apparently, I had to draw a picture so the chief would get it. Fortunately, Gideon continued explaining the whole problem before I lost what was left of my patience.

- "Well, Tobias was raised with a strict religious code, black and white, right and wrong. When his father asked Tobias to kill him, something had to give."

- "His brain couldn't handle the moral contradiction, so he split into two personalities to keep his father alive."

Hotch tried to put it most easy and simple words possible.

- "So, who is Raphael?"

- "My guess, he is a mediator between the two"- Gideon nodded at my words and sighed.

- "Angels have no human emotions, live or die. They don't care, as long it's God's will."

- "We need to start profiling Tobias' father. He may be the one who chose where to take Reid."

Finally, I felt we were going somewhere.

When Emily and JJ came back, they gave us the news. Tobias was addicted to Dilaudid, which explained the fracture in his mind, and how he lived with three distinct personalities.

The police chief announced a computer store robbery, giving us some hopes that Tobias would use them to track him down.

- "Guys!! Guys!! get in here!!- I heard Derek shouting and I ran to the computer room. I felt sick in the stomach in less than a second. There he was, Spencer. My Spencer Walter Reid, tied to a chair, bleeding, shoeless. Clearly tortured.

- "He's been beating,"- I whispered, feeling my eyes water up. I would have given anything to be there instead of him.

- "Can you track him?!"- JJ yelled by my side, and I nearly smacked her. That's how sensitive I was feeling.

- "Hankel's only streaming this to his home computer."- Garcia whispered. And my heart dropped with those words.

That wasn't what I was supposed to hear. We were supposed to find him and bring him back safe.

- "This is for us"- Gideon didn't take his eyes from the screen- "He knows we are here."

- "I'm gonna put this guy's head on a stick"- Morgan was so mad I believed him. I wanted to do the same, if worse.

- "I'm gonna kill him myself as soon as we find him,"- I said and felt Aaron's hand on my shoulder as he asked Garcia

- "Why can't you locate him?"

- "He's rerouting to a different IP address every 30 seconds. I can't track him."

It knew it had to be hard if Penelope couldn't find her, but that didn't help. If anything, it made everything worse. I felt powerless. Hankel couldn't be more intelligent than us.

Spencer's point of view

- "Are you ready, boy?"- Hankel pulled my hair and forced me to look at him. I was still as high as fuck, but knew I was about to be tortured again.

- "Ready for what?"

- "My weakling son thinks God gave you to him for a reason"- if the reason was to get me into drugs, then the answer was yes.

Hankel placed a video camera in front of me.

- "Can you really see inside men's minds?"- he asked me and made a pause, pointing to three screens- See these vermin?

It took me a second to realize he was showing me images of real people. He had put cameras in those people's houses. How? When? What kind of sick game did he want me to play with him?

- "Choose one to die. I let you choose one to live."

- "No"- I didn't even think about my answer.

- "I thought you wanted to be some kind of savior."

- "You are a sadist and a psychotic break. You won't stop killing. Your word is not true."

I don't know if it was because of the drugs or because I hadn't eaten or drank any water in too long, but I was somehow resigned and tired of fighting.

- "The other heathens are watching- Hankel announced and pointed at the camera in front of me."

My eyes fixated on the camera right away. My team was watching me. (Y/N) was watching me. I didn't want to make her worry even more. I needed her to know I was ok. I know I wasn't, but I didn't want her to worry about me.

- "Choose a sinner to die, and I'll say the name and address of the person to be saved"- Hankel was sick. It was all a game, and religion was just an excuse to kill.

- "I won't get to choose who gets slaughtered and have you leave their remains behind like a poacher."

Hankel didn't like my answer, 'cos he grabbed me and pulled me up, looking into my eyes, insulted, annoyed, losing his temper.

- "Can you really see into my mind, boy?"

He was honestly scary, and it petrified me to think he could execute me right there, in front of the team, and I could never tell them how much they mean.

- "Can you see I'm not a liar?!"- he insisted. I nearly whimpered but made my best not to break- "Choose one to die and save a life. Otherwise, they are all dead."

He dropped me on the chair and turned around. It was clear he wasn't joking. I took a deep breath and nodded.

- "Alright, I'll choose who lives."

- "They are all the same"

My eyes traveled across all the monitors. It was nearly impossible to pick one person to live, knowing all the other people there would die. Hankel was sick, and I had to set a plan to escape because otherwise, I would end up dead.

- "Far right screen,"- I whispered. He turned around and nodded.

Then, he recited the name and address of the woman on the screen. I prayed for the team to find her before Hankel came after her too.

No. It wasn't Hankel this time.

- "Raphael,"- I whispered, and he nodded. I looked at the screen again. The woman we were watching picked up the phone. She was in her kitchen. He walked around, frowned, and turned to her computer. In a second, she had turned it off. My team had reached her. She was safe, I hoped.

Hankel turned the camera off and looked at me.

- "You've done your part. Now it's my turn."

I knew what that meant. It wasn't good.

He left the cabin, and all I could see were the monitors in front of me. Those people were going to die. They were going to die because I didn't pick them. I killed them. You don't need to pull a trigger to kill someone. I could never forget those words. And this time, they meant more than anytime before. I didn't press a trigger, but I had killed two innocent people. And I actually had to watch them die.

When I saw Rapahel walk into the victims' house, I tried to close my eyes and think of anything else. A part of me kept thinking he wasn't going to kill them. He just wanted to threaten me.

But not. Raphael slaughtered them.

I found myself craving whatever it was that Tobias had given me the night before. The drug in my veins had given me a kind of peace I had never felt. And I never thought I'd have either. The type of peace that can be addictive, 'cos it turns your head off. And God knows, sometimes I needed to turn my head off.

Remembering everything that has ever happened to me, especially all the awful things, wasn't a gift. It was a burden. And whatever it was that Tobias had put in my veins, it had taken that burden from my shoulders, at least for a couple of hours.

Who wouldn't want some more of that peace?

- "Reid!"- Gideon's voice took me from my thoughts. He was sitting right in front of the camera in the victim's house. He was there with Hotch and the police, investigating the crime scene.

- "If you are watching this, you are not responsible for this. You understand me? he is perverting God to justify murder. You are stronger than him. He can not break you."

I know he meant it. But I couldn't believe any of that, not after watching a family get slaughter just because I didn't pick them.

(Y/N)'s point of view

- "I thought you were going to try and get some rest,"- I said as JJ walked to me in silence. I made myself my hundredth cup of coffee, and she just showed up next to me, trying to engage in conversation, I guess.

- "Everybody else is working. I should be too."

- "We can handle it,"- I whispered and refused to look at her. I swear I was trying not to hate her, but it was getting harder and harder with every hour that passed without finding Reid.

- "It's funny, I keep thinking the one thing we need to crack this case is... well... Reid"- she chuckled, nervously and I just looked at her and nodded. I didn't even smile. I didn't move a muscle.

I didn't want to be with her, or anyone, as a matter of fact. And I wasn't going to hide it anymore. So I tried to walk away.

- "You think Reid and I should have stayed together at the barn, don't you?"

I stopped walking and looked at her. You could tell she was having a hard time facing the whole situation, and most of all, you could tell she felt guilty.

That really didn't stop me from being mad at her. I was trying to be the better woman during the investigation, but the uncertainty was getting on my nerves.

- "JJ, go get some rest,"- I tried to answer calmly, but I knew I was looking at her like she was dead to me.

- "I can tell that's what you are thinking, so..."

- "I just wanna get Spencer home safe."

- "But... if I had his back like I was supposed to do, he'd be here now"- and that was enough.

- "JJ, what the fuck do you want from me?"

- "I just...."- she was about to cry, you could tell- "I want someone to tell me the truth."

- "You want the truth? Ok, there you go: I would have never left him alone. None of this would have happened if I had been the one with him out there! 'cos I would never let anyone or anything hurt him!!"

I shouted. All the anger I had been feeling those days was finally getting off my chest. And fuck, it felt good.

- "You fucked it up, JJ, and if something happens to Spencer, I am never going to forgive you, never!"

JJ bit her lips, trying her best not to cry. But I still couldn't feel sorry for her.

- "Is that the truth you were looking for?"

- "(Y/L/N)?"- Hotch stood next to me with the most annoyed look in his eyes.

I knew I was out of line, but this wasn't about work anymore. This was personal. This was Reid we were talking about, and JJ had fucked it up. There was nothing to discuss.

- "What? You sent him with her, now she is here, and he isn't. What else is there to say?"

- "(Y/N)!"- Hotch followed me as I stormed out of the kitchen and out of the cabin- "(Y/N)! stop!"

- "What?!"- and I simply snapped- "Are you gonna suspend me for telling her the truth? Are you going to fire me for losing my shit while working a case!? Fine! I don't care! I don't give a fuck! All I care about right now is that my best friend is missing, and a fucking psychopath has him! That's all I can think of. That's all I've been thinking about for the last two days!"

I was yelling at Hotch. I was yelling at my unit chief. I was fucked. I knew he was going to fire me after that. But I couldn't help it. I was going insane. Tears kept falling from my eyes as I held my cup of coffee tight, holding onto it with my life.

- "(Y/N), we are all worried about Reid."

- "I know you are all worried. I am too, and I'm also afraid and mad and going fucking insane knowing I am standing here not knowing what to do to save him."

- "That doesn't give you the right to treat JJ like this is her fault"- I don't know if he was talking like my unit chief or like a father figure trying to end a fight between two of his kids.

- "Did she stay with Reid?"- I simply replied and looked at Hotch in the eyes- "Did she?"

- "She is not the only one who feels guilty, so do I. And I know I won't forgive myself if anything happens to Reid."

Hotch made a pause and tried to find a way to say what he wanted to say. The door opened, and Gideon walked to us. He knew what was going on, and he didn't say a thing. I was sure he had already heard everything. We weren't actually arguing quietly.

- "We are not getting any closer,"- Aaron finally said.

- "Reid is brilliant. He'll figure out how to survive"- Gideon's words were way more hopeful than my thoughts. In my mind, Reid was too scared to think of a way to escape.

- "You know, I always take advantage of Reid for his brain. But I never actually teach him how to deal with things emotionally."

Hotch whispered, and his words were filled with regret. I was filled with anger and anxiety, and I know the two of them felt the same. But they way better at handling their feelings.

- "Lead by example,"- Jason answered, probably trying to make him feel better.

- "What kind of example is that?"- I simply replied, and both of them stayed in silence.

I don't think my words helped Hotch, but I wasn't trying to do that either. I was just honest. And Hotch's emotional assistance was shit on the field. Even Gideon was better.

- "He'll make it,"- Jason reassured us and nodded- "Now stop arguing and go back to work."

Spencer's point of view

I was glad when Tobias came to me that night with a needle in his hand and put the drug into my vein. I needed some release after watching a family die 'cos I didn't save them.

- "I'm sorry I had to leave"- he excused himself, preparing the drug next to me.

- "You can leave again, and you can take me with you,"- I begged in a soft voice.

- "My father would be angry,"- he replied and didn't even look at me. This time, I didn't even argue when he wrapped the belt around my arm. I was even a little eager he'd do it faster.

- "Not if he can't find us."

- "He always finds me."

- "If you tell me where we are, my friends will come, and they'll save us."

He gave me a look, mixed with horror and resignation. It broke my heart to think for a moment of all the horrors that lead Tobias to be as sick as he was.

- "We can't be saved,"- he simply replied.

- "We can, we can, I promise. If you tell me where we are, I'll save us both."

- "Listen to me. It's not worth fighting."

Somehow, I understood why he said that. I was afraid and shaking but still did my best not to think of all the pain I was in, of the terror that haunted me day and night.

- "Tell me it doesn't make it better- he said and showed me the needle."

I couldn't say no, 'cos he was right. It did. The drugs made his horrible situation bearable. I could understand why someone decided to use something to avoid the pain. I had faced all and each one of the pain and horrors in my life sober. It was time life was a little bit sweeter, in a sick way.

I remembered being twelve. Mom had had one of her episodes the day before, she was in bed, and I woke her up. I walked into her room and opened the curtains. It was already five in the afternoon, and she still refused to get out of bed.

- "The doctor says you need to get out of bed,"- I argued when she repeated she was just resting.

- "I've been reading"

- "He says you need exercise"- she sighed and tried to make a joke.

- "That's because his idea of good literature is Our bodies, ourselves."

- "Well, he is your doctor."

- "He is a neanderthal"- I gave up and started walking out of the room. She just laid in bed and looked at me.

- "Where are you going?"

- "I'm going to see if Jeff wants to play"- Jeff was our next-door neighbor and my only friend growing up.

- "Come here. Let me read to you."

I know Garcia made fun of me when I said my mother used to read me Valentine's sonnets when I was a kid. Most people think I have a weird relationship with mom, but they don't understand what it was like growing up with her. They don't know what it was like for a twelve-year-old boy to finish high school, facing bullies. Handling the pressure of being a kid genius and the fact I had to take care of a schizophrenic mother.

How come I didn't start using drugs earlier?

I remember that afternoon I sat next to my mother, and she made me pick one of the many books she had with her on the bed. I choose Proust. I knew she loved it. I loved it as well.

"For a long time, I used to go to bed early. Sometimes, when I had put out my candle, my eyes would close so quickly that I had not even time to say, "I'm going to sleep."

I can still hear her voice, reading to me. Both of us avoided reality for a while, hiding in the books. I always do it regardless. I hide in the books to forget. I hide in knowledge to avoid acknowledging the real personal issues I have. I hide in my work saving people when no one ever saved me.

I work catching psychopaths when I know I might actually have a mental issue myself. I might end up just like mom, and it frightens me so much; there are many nights I can't even close an eye. If I get sick too, then no one will take care of her. I am the only one in her life. And she is the only one in mine.

She and (Y/N), but there is no way my best friend would ever take care of me if I got sick. Not because she wouldn't want to do it, but because I would never let her. I don't want to be a burden in her life. And she would hate me, I know. And I could never live in a world where (Y/N) hates me. Not then, not now.

(Y/N). She is the best thing that happened to me in the BAU. Yes, I had a family with my team, but she was different. She was my life. She was the reason why I smiled. She was the one person that made me feel I was important to someone. I knew the rest of my friend loved me, but I loved her.

That was it. I loved (Y/N). And I was scared I was never going to see her again.

(Y/N)'s point of view

I was standing next to Penelope. She kept trying to force me to eat. She knew I was living on coffee, but I just couldn't swallow anything. She held my hand as the two of us stared at the screens, hopefully waiting for Hankel to make contact again.

- "Any more signs of Reid?"- JJ walked over to us slowly and looked at me, afraid I might snap on her again. I just shook my head and sighed, doing my best to be nice to her.

- "He just posted the last murder online."

- "It had over 17 thousand hits in the first twenty minutes,"- Penelope added, and her voice was so full of revulsion. It was clear she couldn't handle the horror in the human mind.

- "I want to see it,"- JJ said, and I frowned, confused.

- "No, you don't,"- Garcia answered and looked at me- "Come on, munchkin, just eat one cookie, please."

- "Don't tell me what I want and don't want!"- JJ's tone shocked us both. She was severe and angry. She was rude at Penelope, and for a second, I almost snapped again.

- "If I can't watch this..."- JJ whispered and glued her eyes on the screen- "I have no business being in the field."

She looked at me when she was done talking, and for once during those awful days, I felt some kind of compassion for her. She had to be feeling like shit, no doubt, and no matter how mad I was at her, she was still my friend, and I didn't want her to suffer either.

- "JJ, it's not a competition,"- I tried to say in the softest voice possible.

- "I... I need to see it."

- "If you stop being affected by things, you lose parts of yourself, you know."

It was somehow ironic that I was the one saying those things. Me of all people in that team. Me, the one who was afraid the most of losing herself in work.

- "Show me"- she finally looked at Garcia, ignoring my words, and Penelope pleased her. She pushed play and simply said

- "I won't watch this with you."

García held my hand, walking me out of the room, leaving JJ alone in the room. She sighed and wiped the tears that started falling down her eyes.

- "I don't know how you do it either"- she whispered- "I don't know how you watch those things every day and don't go insane."

- "If it makes you feel better, I don't know how I do either, and it scared me to think my heart might be numbing with each case we solve. With every psychopath we catch."

- "We are gonna find him"- she assured me and held my hands tight- "We are bringing him home safe, I swear."

- "Let's go find Gideon,"- I said, nodding at her words- "He needs to know Tobias posted the last murder."

Jason was mad, beyond furious. He was losing it. Derek and Prentiss kept trying to crack Hankel and discover where he had taken Reid. Meanwhile, Garcia, Gideon, and I made our best to take the video of the murder from the web.

- "I have a list of everyone from the file-sharing chain. I could send out a mass warning that the video is actually a virus,"- Garcia said and started typing as fast as possible. I just stared at the screen, waiting for something, anything to happen.

But I wasn't waiting for what came next.

- "Confess your sins"- Hankel's voice made me jump, and the sight of Reid, still tied to that chair, bleeding, and being tortured, broke my heart again.

- "Confess!!"- that sick psychopath shouted and hit him.

- "I haven't done anything,"- Spencer sobbed, but it was useless. Hankel kept punching him, over and over again, even when my best friend begged for mercy.

I felt Jason hold my hand as I was holding Garcia's. The three of us felt powerless, useless, angry, and scared, all at the same time. I couldn't bear to watch Reid being tortured, but at the same time, I was so glad he was still alive.

That until Hankel beat him so hard, he pushed him back in the chair, and Reid started convulsing.

- "He is killing him,"- Penelope cried, and I closed my eyes, biting my lips. Spencer was choking, and that mother fucker just stood there, watching him die.

- "That's the devil vacating your body"- he spit those words as Reid simply passed out. I didn't know if he was dead. I didn't know if he was going to make it. Shit! I didn't know anything.

I let go of Jason and Penelope and stormed out of the room. I was unprofessional, and I knew it, but I knew I would quit if anything happened to Reid. I wasn't going to stay working at the BAU if Spencer died.

- "Are you ok?"- Derek grabbed my arm. I just broke into tears and held him tight. He wrapped his arms around me and let me cry.

- "He's dying! We can't find him!!"- I sobbed against his chest.

- "(Y/N)! (Y/N)!"- I heard Penelope yelling as we all rushed back to the computer room. Hankel was giving CPR to Reid, trying to bring him back to life.

- "Come on, come on, please,"- I begged as I watched him pushing his chest over and over again until Spencer woke up, gasping for air.

- "Thank God!"- Hotch sighed and rubbed his hands against his face. The whole team let out a breath of relief simultaneously, and I kept watching Reid. His opened eyes gave me hope.

- "Wait,"- Prentiss said suddenly- "When was the video of the last murder posted?"

- "Nine thirty"- Penelope answered

- "And when was the time of death?"

- "The 911 call came in at 9:04, and the murder must have been moments later."- Hotch added and didn't even turn to look at Prentiss. We were all still shocked looking at the screen.

- "That's just a 19 minutes difference,"- I said and turned to García- "How long would it take to post that file?"

- "Two or three minutes."

- "Let's call it two,"- I said, getting excited- "You figure a maximum of 60 miles an hour in a residential area. That means Hankel has to be within a 17-mile radius of the crime scene."

For a second, I felt I was rambling facts just like Reid would. It made me miss him even more.

- "García, can we see it on the map?"- Aaron whispered. He was clearly affected, and it also made me feel selfish, knowing I had made a tantrum with the whole team, forgetting they were suffering as well.

- "Call chief Farraday"- Jason commanded as soon as we saw the map of the area on the screen- "I want that area locked down like it's martial law."

JJ stood up and grabbed her phone but didn't make the call. García warned us something was going on with Reid and all of us stared at the screen in silence.

Spencer was on his back on the floor, still tied to a chair. It was clear he wasn't fully conscious of what was happening.

- "You came back to life,"- mother fucker Hankel said, spitting the words in anger.

- "Raphael,"- Reid whispered, recognizing one of his personalities.

- "There can be only one of two reasons."

- "I was given CPR,"- my friend whispered, but it was clear that wasn't one of the psycho's options.

- "There are no accidents. How many members of our team are watching us right now?"

- "Seven."

- "The seven angels who had the seven trumpets prepared themselves to sound. The first sounding followed hail, and they were thrown to the earth."

- "He thinks it's the revelations"- Hotch explained- "The seven archangels versus the seven angels of death."

I didn't know much about religion, but it didn't take a genius to figure out he didn't believe we were the good guys.

- "Tell me who you serve."

- "I serve you,"- Reid answered right away. His voice was a whisper. He had to be exhausted.

- "Then choose one to die"

- "What?!"

- "Your team members, choose one to die"- I knew what he was going to answer at that, and I didn't want to hear it.

- "Kill me,"- he replied immediately, and I closed my eyes, unable to watch what would happen next.

- "You said you weren't one of them."

- "I lied."

- "Your team has seven other members. Tell me who dies."

- "No"- Penelope gasped, and Prentiss cursed. I opened my eyes and nearly fainted. Hankel had a gun pointed against Reid's forehead.

The silence amongst the team was unbearable. Neither of us knew what to do. We were all panicking, praying, desperate.

- "Choose and prove you'll do God's will."

- "No."

Neither of us moved. Neither of us breathed until Hakel pulled the trigger, and no bullet came out. I nearly sigh, but it wasn't over.

- "Choose"- he repeated

- "I won't do it"- Hankel didn't even wait. He just pulled the trigger, and we all jumped at the same time. He was safe again.

- "Life is a choice."

- "No,"- Reid repeated once again. And Hankel pulled the trigger for the third time.

- "Choose"- and for the first time, Spencer made a pause. Was going to pick one of us to die?

- "I choose"- the whispered- "Aaron Hotchner."

Derek and I looked at him, and his pale face didn't move a muscle.

- "He's the classic narcissist. He thinks he's better than everyone else on the team. Genesis 23:4 "Let him not deceive himself, and trust in emptiness, vanity falseness, and futility, for these shall be his recompense."

Hotch stormed out of the room as Hankel pulled the trigger one more time and shot the wall.

I felt I was going to puke. If Reid hadn't picked one of us, he would be dead.

- "For God's will,"- the mother fuck said, as he put another bullet in the gun after removing the casing.

I couldn't look anymore. I followed Gideon and Derek to find Aaron going through all Tobias's diaries on the table.

- "I'm not a narcissist,"- he said as soon as he saw us.

- "Come on. Look, you can't think anything from that"- Jason tried to calm him down, in case he was somehow affected by what Reid had just said on camera- "He is not in his right mind, Hotch."

- "No, stop, stop. Alright, everybody, right now: what's my worst quality?"

He had to be kidding. We all stared at him, muted, lost in that conversation. What was his point? Neither of us said a word. We just looked at each other, confused and awkward.

- "Ok, I'll start. I have no sense of humor."

- "You are a bully,"- JJ added.

- "You can be a drill sergeant sometimes,"- I said, and he nodded.

- "Right."

- "You don't trust women as much as men"- you could feel it in Prentiss's voice. That one was personal.

- "Ok, good. I'm all these things, but none of you said that I ever put myself above the team because I don't, ever. Reid and I argued about the definition of classic narcissism, and he knew that I would remember that. He also quoted Genesis chapter 23, verse 4. Read it."

Hotch gave me the book. He wasn't even breathing as she spoke. He was in a hurry. We were all.

- "I'm a stranger and a sojourner with you. Give me property, forbear a place among you that I may bury my dead of my sight."

- "He wouldn't get it wrong unless it were on purpose."

- "He is in a cemetery."- I said and looked at him. He nodded, and I swear to God, I saw a slight smile on his lips. That smile was hope. We were getting closer.

Spencer's point of view

I took a sip of water. I hadn't drunk in days, and my throat burned. I was still a little lost, still a little off.

- "Tobias, is that you?"- I saw him nod, sitting next to me. He moved the cup of water closer so that I could drink some more.

- "Thank you,"- I whispered and looked at him- You saved my life- he stared down at the ground and finally whispered

- "I'm sorry."

- "Why?"

- "He'll win in the end."

It was sad to see Tobias Hankel's good person locked inside a sick mind that also held a psychopath like his father.

- "Tobias, I need to know something. It's important. Are we in a cemetery?"- and he nodded. I smiled at him and sighed, relieved. Help was coming. My team was coming.

- "I used to come here to get high."

- "I was right."

- "No one bothers you here. I never told anyone about it."

He wrapped his belt around my arm, and I turned to him, still smiling. I didn't know if I were happy I was right or glad I would get high again. Maybe both. Maybe the second 'cos the minute that needle got to my vein, that sweet, sweet release felt like a bath of joy that washed away any pain, regret, or guilt I could have ever felt.

Guilt. I've had my share of that. I remember the day I had my mom admitted to the hospital. She hadn't eaten in days. She wouldn't take care of herself, and they're just so much I could do. I wasn't able to keep her safe from herself, from her mind.

- "What are these men doing here?"- she asked me as I walked with two nurses into the study. She was writing and reading. It was all she did, preparing lectures for classes she didn't have to give, in imaginary campuses.

I stood in front of her and hesitated for a second. It was the hardest thing I had ever done, telling mom I was taking her away from her own house.

- "They are from the hospital. They are here to help,"- I whispered and looked at my mother's confused expression. She was so thin. She looked so sick. I felt so guilty I couldn't do better for her.

- "I don't need help, and you can't be here without permission, tell them, Spencer."

She looked down at her books again and tried to continue writing. I took a deep breath, I knew I would break her heart, but there was nothing else I could do.

- "I called them"- she looked at me in pain. Deep, honest pain. Like I had just shattered her heart. Which I had done.

- "Spencer"- she simply whispered and stared into my eyes, begging for an explanation. I was trying my best not to cry. I had a whole speech prepared. I was going to tell her how much I loved her. I was going to explain to her how good it was for her to be in a place where someone could continuously take care of her. I had facts and statistics, but all I managed to say was:

- "I'm doing this for you."

And I felt like a liar. 'Cos, there was a part of me that was doing it for myself too.

- "This isn't legal"- she shook her head in shock and kept trying to find a good explanation to what was going on.

- "Your son is eighteen, ma'am. He can act in your welfare,"- one of the make nurses explained to her.

- "You need help,"- I said and prayed she could understand. But she just burst into tears and begged.

- "I wanna stay here!"

- "I'm... sorry, mom."

- "Please, these are my things, this is my life..."

Those men took her. They took her from her house and put her in a hospital. No. I put her there. I put my mom in a hospital so I could live my life, 'cos I am selfish and couldn't take care of her anymore.

- "Spencer, please, don't do this to me."

Those were the words that haunted me day and night. And my mother's crying face, begging me not to take her from her own house.

What kind of a son am I? I did that to her. I put her in a mental place 'cos I couldn't deal with her disease anymore. 'Cos I didn't know how to take care of her.

- "What are you sorry for, boy?"- I heard Hankel ask when I woke up. I was muttering, "Sorry" as I came back from my trip.

- "I sent her away."

- "Who."

- "My mom. I couldn't help her."

- "Is that a confession?"- I nodded and looked around, confused. Lost. High- "You know the bible. Exodus 21:17"

- "And he that curseth his father or his mother shall surely be put to death,"- I whispered, scared and full of regret.

I heard him walk towards me. He kneeled and uncuffed me. I didn't know what was happening. Honestly, I was still too high to get what was going on around me.

- "Grab a shovel,"- he commanded and walked outside.

I was too weak to dig fast. I don't know how I was actually moving, but I was digging my own grave. I never thought I would ever end up doing such a thing. It's not something you think about, actually. Not unless you work in the BAU. Here, you start analyzing and considering the way you'll die: 'Cos you could, every day.

- "I ought to bury you alive in there, give you some time to think about what you've done,"- Hankel said and looked at me while I worked, playing with a knife.

- "I know what I've done."

- "Don't talk back to me! Dig!"

I pant and kept moving, very slowly, trying to buy myself some time too. I was sure the team was coming to get me any minute now. I was counting on them, though the more I thought about it, the less worthy of salvation I felt. Maybe I deserved to die after all.

I was almost certain I had seen some lights moving in the back. Flashlights. But it could be my mind playing tricks on me. I was too tired. And still too high, too.

- "Dig faster!"- he commanded me as I moved, losing my breath.

- "I'm not strong enough"- I cried, 'cos I felt like that. Like a failure, a child that aimed to be a grown-up and failed miserably. A bad son. The worst agent. A fake that deserved to die.

- "You are all weak!! Get out of there!"

Hankel took off his coat and left it on the ground. I slowly moved so he could dig for me, but the lights in the back took my attention, and he noticed. As soon as he turned around, I quickly grabbed his coat and reached out for the gun.

- "You've only got one bullet, son,"- he said as he looked at me. And I just pulled the trigger.

I shot him. I killed him. Hankel. Raphael. Tobias. I freed Tobias. Or at least, that is what I wanted to think.

- "Reid!!"- I heard (Y/N) yelling as I crawled to Tobia's body. He was still awake. He was himself.

- "You killed him"- he said, and he was relieved- "Do you think I'll get to see my mom again?"

- "I'm sorry,"- I whispered, and he was gone.

- "Reid!!"

(Y/N) yelled and ran over. She kneeled next to me and held me in her arms. I couldn't move, because for a few seconds, I couldn't believe she was real. She was there.

- "Honey, honey, are you ok? Can you hear me?"- she said, and tears started falling from her eyes- "Honey, it's me."

I just looked at her and hugged her. I hugged her as my life depended on it. There she was, next to me, finally.

- "I thought I was never going to see you again,"- I whispered and sobbed.

The urge to kiss her filled my whole body. I needed to taste her. I needed to show her how much I had needed her those days. But I knew I couldn't.

I didn't want to let her go. I didn't for a few minutes. I just hold onto her for my sanity. She kissed my forehead, cupping my face with both hands.

- "I'm so happy to see you. I'm glad you are ok... let's go to the ambulance, ok?"- I nodded but didn't let her go. I felt I could hold her forever. I wanted to keep her close for as long as I lived.

But the rest of the team gathered around us, and I wanted to thank them too. I needed to thank Hotch. So as soon as I let (Y/N) go, I wrapped my arms around him.

- "You alright?"- he asked me.

- "I knew you'd understand,"- I managed to say with tears falling from my eyes and a knot in my throat.

For a moment, I thought I was never going to see the team again. My family.

JJ held me close and apologized. I knew she felt guilty for leaving me alone, but I was the only one culpable for what had happened. I wanted to prove myself, and all I managed to do was prove I was a fool. A useless SSA.

- "It's alright, it wasn't your fault,"- I said and did my best to smile at her. But I know I failed. Gideon grabbed my arm and nodded.

- "Let's get you out of here."

- "Please,"- I whispered before we started walking- "Can I have a second alone?"- he looked at me and nodded, looking at Tobias' body lying by our side. He walked away, and I kneeled next to my capturer.

But instead of paying my respects, instead of cursing. Instead of anything, I took the Dilaudid bottles from his pocket and put them into mine.

And that's how the real hell started.

DIWK Taglist:

@all-tings-diego @big-galaxy-chaos @svveet-peas @muffin-cup @shilohpug

Spencer taglist

@calm-and-doctor

General Taglist

@spenxerslut @ash19871962

–

Do you want to be on the taglist or ramble about this chapter with me? Just send me a message here.

Next update: May 5th, 2021

#Spencer Reid #criminal minds #spencer reid fanfic #babymetaldoll writes #cm fanfic #criminal minds fanfic #Emily prentiss #Aaron Hotchner #jennifer jareau #derek morgan #penelope garcia #emily prentiss #babymetaldoll edits #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fanfiction

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trollishly · 3 years ago

Text

Valkyrie Pt. 5 • Ivar X Reader

A girl shows up bloody and beaten to Kattegat. The Queen and her sons take an interest in the girl, especially Ivar.

Warnings: Gore, Swearing, Mentions of sex, Angst, Anything you'd expect from Vikings

The harsh chilled wind of Kattegate’s forest whipped the the thick furs that laid upon her shoulders. The forest seemed to be alive, as the trees whined and creaked as the gusts only became stronger. Her breathing became heavier as she quickened her pace towards her desired destination, ambitious for what she seeked.

Her eyes light up as they finally fell upon the individual, though she couldn't help but shiver as her feet finally met the front of their seated position.

“The Queen...“ Slightly bowed the being, words slurring from their twisted lips. “Ancient One,” Quipped Aslaug as she tucked her gown to kneel before him, “you know why I am here, we’ve spoken of this matter before.“ Rushed the Queen in a desperate manner. The Seer let an exasperated grunt, his grotesque tongue running along his lips in thought. “The girl from your vision, you speak of her, you’ve spoken to her.” Hummed the cloak individual, while Aslaug only nodded hoping for him to continue.

"Well what is it that is troubling you my Queen?" Aslaug rolled her eyes slightly, "I wish to know if my visions are once again correct, or am I mistaken and she is actually a threat to my kingdom?"

"You ask difficult questions, always questioning." He grinned, "However, I shall give you comfort by saying that what you see, is in fact true my Queen." Aslaug let out a breath of relief she hadn't known she was holding, refraining from smiling, which she found herself doing more often as of late. "The gods have blessed us with a great gift..." Croaked the Seer, "A Valkyrie." Spoke the two in unison.

•••

Soft knocks echoed throughout the quaint room, and with nobody acknowledging it, a hush voice followed. "I'm coming in." Spoke Ubbe as he push the door open which dragged along the uneven floor.

There laid Frode, in bed and struggling to inhale evenly. His glazed over eyes drifting to look at the intruder. Ubbe watched as the boy clench his hand firmer around the one that laid upon his, the hand belonging to non other than his sister.

Y/n was slouched against Frode's bed, half her weight on her knees and the other on the edge of the bed. She looked as if she hadn't slept for days, which was half of the truth. If it weren't for Y/n's recent episodes of passing out, she would've been up like usual, her sleep schedule being far from healthy.

"Is she asleep?" Asked Ubbe, stepping further into the room. Frode tried to speak in denial, however, he found himself unable to speak, his voice caught in his throat as another fit of coughs erupted from him. With Frode at a loss, he was not able to warn Ubbe as he reached out to shake his sister awake. Y/n flinched harshly from his touch, rolling away from him and onto her feet. They both stood still, however, Y/n seemed to be on guard due to his presence. Ubbe tilted his head, trying to catch the girl's gaze, but she seemingly refused, not wanting him to see her at her weakest, as her eyes were red and puffy from her night's worth of crying over her brother.

"Sorry to disturb, but my mother asked me to invite you to come eat with us." Ubbe simply said, "I would of sent a thrall, but it seems you've scared them all half to death." Chuckled the man as he refrained from coming any closer.

"No, but thank you." Replied Y/n, turning to tend to her little brother once more. Frode quickly grasped his sister wrist and pulled a pleading face at her. "Y/n, you were never one to deny food, please go. I promise I will be fine." Comforted Frode as he begun to push Y/n away. "You need fresh air, you shouldn't be near me. I am not well," he paused briefly by taking a breath as he tried not to cough, "with you still being injured, it could become deadly if you were to stay near me and get sick." Finished the boy, relieved to see that his persuasion was beginning to work as his sister's frown lessened.

"He'll be fed and watched yes?" Questioned Y/n as she turned to face Ubbe. He nodded reassuring her, "A thrall will tend to your brother's every need."

Y/n began to debate in her head, not for long though, as her thoughts were interrupted by a loud growl that came from her stomach. "Okay." Agreed Y/n begrudgingly, as she came to pushed the hair from Frode's face before leaving the room with Ubbe following closely behind.

•••

"Uh- pardon?" Stuttered Ubbe shaking himself from his trance. Y/n spoke up and repeated herself, "I said, the Queen is very generous. All of you are, you could have left my brother and I to die." Expressed Y/n as she kept her head facing fowards as she walked alongside the prince.

Ubbe blinked down at the girl, inspecting her appearance, which he did more often than he'd like to admit, especially in the little time he was in her presence. "You should thank the Queen, yourself." He said, looking away when he caught himself staring. "She knows something we don't- a-and I trust her enough to follow her blindly. Not only because she is my mother, but because I believe she is fit as ruler." Spoke Ubbe, his tone indicating he said more than what he intended to.

Y/n's forehead creased slightly at the mention of his mother's knowledge of the unknown, but let him be, by keeping silent as they finally made it to the hall.

Bickering could be heard from a table of cluttering cutlery, a whine drawing the attention of Y/n. "Mother. Tell them to stop tormenting me." Mischievously spoke, who Y/n now knew as Ivar, as he held a hand of a thrall, who sat rigid beside him. His head was lolled to the side as he looked pleadingly towards his mother with a pout.

Ubbe walked ahead of the girl, a snort coming from him due to his little brother's banter. This causing everyone's eyes to not only land on Ubbe, but Y/n as well. Ubbe eyed a seat from across the room, rounding the table and sitting besides Hvitserk, who's eyes kept flickering between Ivar and Y/n curiously, as he continued to shove food into his mouth.

At the speed of which Thor would strike his hammer, Ivar shuffled in his seat, removing Margrethe's hand from his lips and dismissing her with just a wave of his arm. Y/n stood quietly, unsure with what to do with herself, before realizing something that could have been crucial.

"My Queen." Announced Y/n as she bowed her head in respect, looking at her through the thick of her lashes. "Morning Y/n. I am pleased to see that you've joined us once more. Please, take a seat beside me." She said, gesturing to a spot in between herself and Sigurd. As Y/n approached, the Queen gave Margrethe a narrowed side glance, "Get our guest a chair." She stated firmly, causing the thrall to panick as she left her spot beside Ivar and walking towards the nearest chair. Both her and Y/n reached for the chair, clutching it at the same time.

"Please, there is no need." Y/n said gently, lifting the chair from Margrethe's grasp and placing it in its spot. The slave just stepped back and scanned Y/n's form before looking away in a submissive manner.

As Y/n took a seat, the Queen continued their discussion before Ivar had been interrupted. "Now Ubbe, when will you have children?" Asked the Aslaug as she gestured to him with a napkin in hand. He grinned, "I probably already have!" He joked causing the others boys to break out in laughter as he pick at his food to throw it towards his mother. "No I'm serious, each and everyone of you should have a woman by now, even married." Spoke the Queen genuinely, as she looked to each of her boys. All of them eyed each other before shrugging without a care and focusing back onto their food. The Queen pinched the bridge of her nose as she shook her head, turning to face her attention to Y/n.

"It seems my boys are far too immature to have a wife, let alone children, don't you think Y/n?" Smiled Aslaug at the girl, which made the boys pause in their gluttony. Y/n found herself a little caught off guard, as she was never the one to get romantically involve, spending most of her time training or raising her brother.

"I don't believe my opinion would have much value my Queen." Began Y/n as she kept her attention solely on Aslaug, "But since they are the King and Queen's children, heirs are expected from them..." Aslaug seemed pleased with Y/n's answer as her lips quirked slightly, "Hmm, and do you have a husband, or lover, for that matter?"

Y/n cringe internally, knowing what Frode would say to the Queen if he had the opportunity. "I don-" However, Aslaug cut her short. "I'm speaking nonsense aren't I? Of course you would. You are a very beautiful young woman, and a shield maiden I assume?" Rambled the Queen which seemed suspiciously intentional. Y/n's mouth was left agape momentarily before she quickly closed it, "Yes, I am a shield maiden my Queen." She said keeping her answer curt.

Hvitserk began giggling cheekily, as he watched the way Ivar strained himself by pressing his palms against the bench. Pushing his torso upwards as he leaned on the table, in hopes of getting a better view of his mother and Y/n as they conversed. Sigurd scowled at his little brother's enamored behavior. Still upset at his earlier possessiveness of Margrethe, especially after she had confided in him the night before.

"As I was saying, you don't need to love the woman to breed with them." Explained the Queen, making Y/n bow down to eat her soup as she try her hardest to block out the conversation; one that she had already deemed as a personal family matter. As Aslaug continued to chatter, Y/n's eyes scan the room as she spooned the food into her mouth, making accidental eye contact with Hvitserk as he copied her actions. He grinned at her as the soup messily dribble down his chin, until an aggressive voice broke his playful staring.

"What is wrong with you?" Quipped Ivar as he now leaned further onto the table staring daggers at Sigurd, "Nothing is wrong with me," spat Sigurd making Hvitserk and Y/n glanced at each other, with Hvitserk widening his eyes at her humorously. "I just wanted to know if she has love anyone except Harbard..." Silence followed making Y/n sit up uncomfortable, "You remember Harbard don't you?" Sigurd continued sparing everyone a glance but his mother.

Ubbe sat stoney still and so did Hvitserk, but Ivar pushed on, with his arms now crossed loosely, "Of course she has loved another," he stated to Sigurd while nodding. "She has always loved me... isn't that right mother?" He urged while smiling at his mother, his eyes briefly catching Y/n's, who was sat just behind Aslaug from his position. However, the Oueen didn't speak and just nodded as she swallowed her drink discreetly.

Y/n's eyebrows raised at Aslaug's reaction, wondering as for why the Queen wasn't being more reassuring to her son, "She just pities you Ivar, just like the rest of us. Y/n probably feels sorry for you too, especially when you look at her with so much desperation." Ivar flinched at Sigurd's words, anger and embarrassment building within him. "and sometimes, we wish mother had left you to the wolves." He smoothly said, as if it weren't something completely vile. Y/n couldn't comprehend how someone could be so cruel, mainly to their family.

"Sigurd!" Demanded the Queen, with Ivar continuing to glare at his brother trying to sort his feelings internally, "What?" Was all he replied with, before resuming his breakfast.

Y/n found herself wanting to put Sigurd in his place, but refrained from doing so as nothing but consequences would come from it. A drag of a chair turn Y/n's attention back to Ivar, as he was now standing tall at the end of the table. This caused Sigurd to haphazardly throw his spoon onto the table, scoffing at Ivar's display.

Ivar began scooting from his seat, supporting his weight briefly on his mother's chair, with her cooing at him to calm his temper. Her attempts went unnoticed as he continued, with his left hand wavering, before it had finally landed on the back of Y/n's chair. Ivar and the girl gazed at each other, with her turning within her seat to make room for the young prince. Ivar was now hesitant, mainly now that he was the closest he had yet been to Y/n, not helping himself as he caught of whiff of her aroma that furthermore attracted him to her. Ivar's forearm gently grazed Y/n's hair as he pulled himself from one chair to another, as he heard Sigurd still taunting him.

"Come on Boneless!" He teased as he stood from his chair now that Ivar was near. Everyone was now standing, Y/n situating herself just behind Ivar. Bowls and utensils fell to the floor as Sigurd pulled a chair from underneath Ivar making him collapse with a painful sounding thud. Y/n reach down to help him, but pause as Hvitserk gestured to her not to from the corner of her eye.

Ivar's frustrated huffs filled the room, his nostrils flaring as he forcefully began to drag himself towards his target. Sigurd's harmful jabs continued, with the Queen now walking up towards Ivar and passing Y/n, who couldn't help but stand and watch how this would play out.

Sigurd seemed to grow tired of this little game, quickly turning and pushing the doors of the hall open, making the bright light bleach the room with a stark white wash, highlighting Ivar's enraged features.

Ivar chased Sigurd out of the room causing a loud scream to rip from his throat, with the Queen attempting to hold him back.

•••

End of part 5.

•••

Notes: Thank you all so much for 50 followers! Had to finish and post part 5 today for you all!

Tags: @youbloodymadgenius, @not-another-viking-fanfic-blog, @midnightmystic

Ask to be tagged!

#ivar #ivar the boneless #vikings #angst #romance #x reader #ivar ragnarson #hvitserk #love

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shadowsndaisies · 4 years ago

Text

codename: nightingale - independence day

Reference: Young Justice Season 1 Episode 1

WC: 4.7k

synopsis: in which we meet the sidekicks

main masterlist

codename: nightingale series masterpost

a/n: it's here!! I'm super excited for this series! I do plan to go season by season. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy!! and my tag list is still open!

STAR CITY July 4, 09:01 PDT

“Nightingale, redirect to help Green Arrow and Speedy on the bridge! Icicle Jr’s back,” Black Canary’s order came over the comms as you were finishing your morning patrol rounds.

“On it, Canary,” you assured your mentor before checking the streets and making a U-turn with your bike. Revving the engine you sped towards the bridge, using the coordinates Canary has sent.

By the time you got there, the fight was already in motion. Speedy and Green Arrow were shooting off arrows from their vantage point but Icicle Jr had his own version of long-distance weaponry.

“Looks like you boys started without me,” you mused through the comms, sending a quick look, up to the boys on the top of the bridge.

“Finally, I was wondering what a guy had to do to get a little attention over here!” the ice villain heaved, throwing ice shards up towards your arrow slinging friends.

“Junior’s doing this for attention?” Speedy scoffed.

“Birdy, a little cover please,” GA requested as the two as they jumped down to run along the metal framing.

“You got it, GA,” you smirked.

“I’m telling you now, this little distraction better not interfere,” Speedy’s nagging continued.

“Yo, popsicle!” you shouted, forcing Icicle Jr. to look at you, as you skid the bike to a stop, and got off. “Hiya,” you winked before clicking the button on your choker and screaming. The vocal amplifier helping you mimic your mentor’s scream, and giving the boys a chance to move without being pummeled with sharp ice.

You stopped with Icicle’s hands went up to his ears, and the shard behind him shattered. As you took a deep breath Junior managed to hit you, the sharp edge of the ice barely cut your arm since he was still disoriented, but the wide edge hit you in the chest, knocking you down and shattering over you, chilling you to the bone, literally. Speedy jumped to action, flipping off the framing and shooting in mid-air. The blunt-ended arrow hit Junior square in the jaw and the villain went down.

You jogged up to where GA was crouching over him, “Kid, had a glass jaw,” he chuckled and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes.

“Hilarious,” Speedy stated flatly. “Can we go?” he pressed.

GA’s eyes flicked to you for a second and you shrugged, “today’s the day,” you remind him.

“Alright, then, let’s go,” he huffed.

“Canary and I’ll meet you two there,” you promised with a smile before getting on your bike and driving back to HQ, shivering.

WASHINGTON D.C. July 4, 14:00 EDT

“D, are you sure that I have to go?” you asked once more to your mentor, a.k.a. the Black Canary, as you stepped through the Zeta, joining her in your nation’s capital. It’s not that you didn’t want to go, but after that hit from Icicle Jr., all you wanted was to sit in front of Ollie’s fireplace with a book and some hot cocoa.

“(y/n) Roxo, I’ve told you before. It’s not up for discussion, you can complain all you’d like, but it won’t change my mind. Besides, I thought you liked these boys,” she said, and you rolled your eyes at the smile on her face.

“Of course I do, they’re fun, and they get what it’s like juggling being a teenager and a vigilante, but it doesn’t mean I want to deal with them all the time,” you defend, but a small smile flickers to your lips at the thought of hanging out with the boys who never failed to make you laugh.

She raises her eyebrows at you questioningly, and you groan, “Wallace West is a flirt, and sometimes he just doesn’t take things seriously. Roy barely has it in him to work with Ollie and me; teamwork isn’t exactly his strong suit. And Kaldur, bless his Atlantian soul, while he is older than us, I’m the only one he treats like a little kid, and it’s not fair," you tell her.

“What about Robin?” she asks.

“What about him?” you counter with nonchalance.

“What’s your problem with him?” she trailed with a knowing smirk.

“Robin is a showoff. He’s always trying to one-up everyone. Maybe it’s because he wants to live up to the Bat title, or something else, but it’s a little annoying," you spit, it’s not entirely a lie, but at the same time, it’s an excuse and an obvious one at that. Dinah bursts into a small fit of laughter at your words. She’s known about your crush on the Dark Knight’s apprentice since the very beginning.

“Shut up,” you mutter, cheeks flushing red, she only laughs harder.

When the two of you arrive at the Hall of Justice, you notice Batman, Green Arrow, and Aquaman already standing there, their sidekicks standing proudly beside them. You quickly check to make sure your gloves are tightened, the rings underneath, offering a hidden sense of comfort.

“Hey, boys!” you greet with a smile plastered on your lips.

“Nightingale, it is good to see you again, my friend,” Kaldur greeted with a small wink.

“You too, Aqualad,” you nod, hugging the older boy.

You had just pulled away when a woosh and two more people appeared, both being speedsters, “Oh, man! I knew we'd be the last ones here!” Kid Flash sighed.

A small laugh split your lips as you finished greeting everyone else.

“I'm glad we're all here," Kaldur says as we walk towards the Hall, you were doing your best to ignore the reporters and photographers who were asking questions and taking pictures while you all walked.

“Have all five sidekicks ever been in the same place at the same time?” KF asked out loud to nobody in particular.

“Don't call us sidekicks, not after today," Roy bit, a little harshly, and you gave your friend a careful look.

“Sorry," KF apologized, “first time at the hall. I'm a little overwhelmed."

“You're overwhelmed, Freeze was underwhelmed. Why isn't anyone ever just whelmed?” Robin asks

“I feel like I’m generally a pretty whelmed person,” you mused with a wink at the Boy Wonder as you entered the hall. “Or not….," you trail, breath hitching at the sight of it all.

The door had opened with a hushed hiss to reveal Martian Manhunter and Red Tornado waiting for us.

“Robin, Speedy, Aqualad, Kid Flash, Nightingale, welcome," the Martian greets. “You now have unlimited access to the gym, our fully stocked galley, and of course, our library…” you couldn’t fight the small smile of pride that spreads across your face as your tour begins. This was it; the next chapter on a journey that would one day lead to becoming fully-fledged members of the Justice League.

As the tour concluded, we ended on the Main Hall’s inside, windows along the walls, where tourists could approach and peek inside.

“Make yourselves at home," Flash instructed.

Robin wasted little time flopping himself backward and onto a seat, huffing and sighing in an over-dramatic manner. It managed to pull a soft giggle from you as you rolled your eyes sarcastically at his antics. Aqualad took a seat in another chair, and KF slid into the last one. You turned to Roy, but he was silently glaring at the Leaguers. With a soft sigh, you shook your head and sat down on the ground between KF and Robin’s chairs.

“Do you want my seat?” Kaldur offered, and you smiled kindly to the Atlantean.

“I’m perfectly fine where I am, Aqualad,” you promise, he nodded, before relaxing into his seat.

“Quick debrief to discuss the coincidence of 4 ice villains Attacking on the same day. We shouldn't be too long," Batman informed us all, turning to the computer counsel.

“Recognized: Batman, 0-2; Aquaman, 0-6; Flash, 0-4; Green Arrow, 0-8; Martian Manhunter, 0-7; Red Tornado, 1-6," A female computerized voice rings out.

“That's it? You promised us a real look inside, not a glorified backstage pass," Roy shouts suddenly, drawing everybody’s attention.

“It's the first step. You've been granted access few others get," Aquaman told him sagely.

“Oh, really? Who cares which side of the glass we're on?” Roy seethed, and your eyes blew wide. Sure, Roy had never been patient about training, not even at the very start from what you’d heard, but this was different. He had seemed more aggressive in the past few weeks, as the planned Hall of Justice day approached. He seemed more prone to argue with Ollie, and it was getting on GA’s nerves.

“Roy, you just need to be patient," you say, trying to calm him before things get out of hand.

“What I need Birdy, is respect," He says, eyeing the leaguers and then to you, you were taken aback. Roy was a bit of a hothead, he always had been, but he usually listened to you. Dinah and Ollie liked to say that we were balancing acts, which is why we worked well in the field together.

“They're treating us like kids. Worse! Like sidekicks! We deserve better than this," Roy exclaims, turning his attention back to you, Aqualad, KF, and Robin.

The four of you shared a few glances before looking back to Roy, with skeptical eyes. “You're kidding, right? You're playing their game? Why? Because you think they play fair? Today was supposed to be the day! Step one in becoming full-fledged members of The League," he continues.

“Well, sure, but I thought step one was a tour of the HQ," KF says softly.

“Except the hall isn't the League's real HQ," Roy interjects, and your lips purse, you had known that, but Ollie had explicitly told you not to say anything since technically you weren’t supposed to know that.

Shocked expressions crossed the faces of the three boys beside you as well as the leaguers’, clearly they hadn’t been expecting to be called out.

“I bet they never told you it's just a false front for tourists and a pit stop for catching zeta beam teleporter tubes to the real thing, an orbiting satellite called the Watchtower," Roy explains.

Batman turned to Ollie, and you noticed the way his glare seemed to harden on the Bow toating hero. “I know, I know, but I thought maybe we could make an exception," Ollie tries to defend, but Batman’s glare hardens. “Or not," Oliver frowned, backtracking.

“You're not helping your cause here, son. Stand down or-” Aquaman attempted to intervene.

“Or what? You'll send me to my room? And I'm not your son! I'm not even his," Roy interjected, pointing to Ollie. “I thought I was his partner, but not anymore," Roy threw his hat to the ground. Roy turned back to the four of us, “Guess they're right about you three," he seethes at the boys before walking past, “You're not ready,"

“Speedy-” you try to once more to get through to your oldest friend, but he’s quick to cut you off.

“You too, Birdy. You’re not ready either," he continues to storm out of the room. But unlike the others, when he told you, he sounded disappointed instead of angry. You could only frown; you didn’t understand what had gotten into him today. This outburst seemed forced, desperate, and unlike his usual attitude.

The computer beeped, and an alarm started to go off, but your eyes were still trained on the door. You were barely listening as the leaguers talked with Superman and Zataram turning instead to pick up Speedy’s Hat.

The yellow cap with a red feather had become his trademark around Star City, and he had thrown it to the ground so quickly in his rage today. You thought of all the times you’d trained together, fought together, and all the times he’d been the brother you never realized you needed. He was one of your closest friends and had helped you through a dark time, you thought you knew him, but you couldn’t come up with an explanation for what had just happened.

“-But for now, stay put," Canary’s voice caught your attention, pulling you back into the real world.

“Are you ok?” Robin whispers as KF and Aqualad say something to each other.

“Huh?” you ask incoherently, brows furrowing as you turned to him.

Robin squinted at you through his domino mask, “You’ve been frowning at that hat since he walked out,” Robin tells you.

“I‘m fine,” you decide, sniffing and straightening your posture.

Robin’s expression told you that he didn’t believe you.

“What else aren't they telling us?” Aqualad asked, the disappointment evident as you tried to focus back on the conversation, piecing together what they were discussing.

“I have a better question," Robin decides. “Why didn't we leave with Speedy?”

A moment of silence passed between you all before Aqualad pipes up, “What is Project Cadmus?”

“I don't know, but we can find out," you offer, walking towards the computer. You tried your passcode and then Roy’s, but neither worked.

“Access denied," the female computerized voice informs you.

“Heh. Want to bet?” Robin smirked, taking over for you. You watched as his fingers glided across the keys, taking note of precisely what he was doing.

“Whoa! How are you doing that?” KF asked aloud as many of the red lights begin to turn green.

“It’s the same system as the Batcave," Robin shares, and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. Of course, it was.

“Access granted," says the computer.

“All right, Project Cadmus," Robin read, opening the file.

“It’s a genetics lab here in D.C.," you continue, looking over Robin’s shoulder. “That's all there is," you add with a frown.

“But if Batman's suspicious, maybe we should investigate," Robin adds, looking at you before looking towards Aqualad and KF.

“Solve their case before they do," Aqualad reiterates.

“It would be poetic justice," you smile, a mischievous twinkle in your eyes as you push your thoughts of Roy back for the moment being.

“Hey, they're all about justice," Robin smiles at you, supporting your point.

“But they said stay put," Aqualad sighs, reminding us.

“For the blotting out the sun mission,” Robin argued.

“Not this," you compliment.

“Wait!” Kid Flash interrupted. “Are you two going to Cadmus? Because if you're going, I'm going," KF decided, a giddy tone underlying in his answer.

“Just like that, we're a team on a mission?” Aqualad questions critically.

You stare at the cap once more, and nod your head, “We didn't come for a play date."

CADMUS LABS, WASHINGTON D.C. July 4, 16:47 EDT

It didn’t take you long to exit the Hall, not with all your mentors out busy. There was no one to stop you.

Wally sped ahead as the rest of you took off. Cadmus Labs was relatively close, and you could see the smoke rising before you spotted the building itself. By the time you made it over, Firemen were out front, and Wally was dangling over the edge of a building.

“So smooth," Robin mused as you spot the yellow-and-red dressed speedster, hanging half out the window.

“Does he always have to run ahead?” you asked rhetorically, before running and climbing up onto the fire truck. Robin was right behind you, and as you ran out of the truck to run on, he used his grappling hook and placed his arm around your waist before swinging us both up into the building. As soon as you landed, you turned around and offered your hand to your struggling friend dressed in yellow, pulling him up.

“Thanks, beautiful, could’ve fallen,” KF winked at you.

“Don’t tempt me to push you,” you wink back mockingly, causing Robin to chuckle as he connects to the mainframe.

Aqualad joins the three of you a moment later, eyes laced with slight annoyance, “Appreciate the help,” he huffed.

“You handled it," you smile with an innocent shrug.

“Besides, we're here to investigate," Robin adds as he continues to hack into the building's system.

“Poetic justice, remember?” you reminded him while looking over Rob’s shoulder.

Aqualad’s distracted mumbles pulled your attention away from what Robin was doing, “There was something in the-”

You moved towards the hall with Wally and Kaldur, and your brow furrowed, something felt weird.

“Elevators should be locked down," KF states, and you realize he’s right, during a fire like this, they should not be operational.

“Something’s wrong," you add, eyes dancing around, searching for something, anything.

“Thought so,” Robin muttered. “This is a high-speed express elevator. It doesn't belong in a two-story building," he explains, looking at something on his wrist computer.

“Neither does what I saw," Aqualad adds before pushing the elevator doors open.

“And that's why they need an express elevator," you decide, poking your head through and looking down the shaft that seems to go much lower than two stories.

Robin comes up behind you and grabs your waist once more before shooting another grappling hook.

“Woah!” you let out a short shriek of surprise as you were pulled along, down the shaft.

“Scared?” Robin questions, and though you were looking at him, you could hear the smirk.

Your cheeks, which were already slightly pink from the arm looped around your waist, turned a shade darker, “Shut up,” you mumbled. “I was just caught off guard.”

You both slid until the rope ended. Looking around, you noticed you had reached SL 26; Sub Level 26.

“I'm at the end of my rope," Robin mused before the two of you start to swing yourselves back and forth, gaining enough momentum so you could jump. When you did, You landed against the wall and grabbed onto the pipe, Robin landed against you, and you all kept your backs against the wall. Robin had just opened his wrist computer when Aqualad and KF stopped beside us.

“Bypassing security,” he told us, and after a second, he dropped his hand with a nod. “There! Go!” Robin exclaims, allowing Aqualad to push the new set of elevator doors open.

“Welcome to Project Cadmus," you mutter quietly as you observe everything around you.

“Kid, wait!” Aqualad whisper-yelled as KF suddenly raced past you.

You all were to quick to run after KF, and when you found him, he was on the ground, wide-eyed, as these monster-like things passed us.

“No, Nothing odd going on here," Kaldur noted sarcastically as we all froze, gazes focused on the being before us.

“Okay. I'm officially whelmed," Robin decides as you cautiously enter a new room. This one had dozens of glass containers, and the room was covered in blue light.

“This is how they hid this massive underground facility from the world. The real Cadmus isn't on the grid," KF describes looking around and then back to you. You stepped forward, staring into the container.

“It generates its own power with... these things," you say, catching on to KF’s theory as one of your hands comes to rest on one of the containers. Squinting, you could see the creatures inside were the ones creating the blue light. They were producing electricity, and you could feel it buzzing beneath your gloved hand.

“Must be what they're bred for," KF continues, and you nod, gaze focused on the creature inside.

“Of course! Even the name is a clue, the Cadmus of myth created a new race by sowing dragon's teeth into the earth," Aqualad explains.

“And this Cadmus creates new life, too. Let's find out why," Rob plugs his wrist computer into one of the computer panels and starts looking through the data. “They call them genomorphs,” he notes, “Whoa! Look at the stats on these things!” he continued, and you lean over his shoulder to look at the screen.

“Super strength, telepathy, razor claws," you read off, “these things are living weapons!”

“They're engineering an army,” KF realized, “but for who?”

“Wait, there's something else,” you notice the file as Robin was skimming through the data. This one had special encryption, “Project Kr,” you note, brow furrowing at the name as Robin tried to hack into it.

Robin let out a groan when the screen flashed red, “Ugh! The file's triple-encrypted. I can't-”

“Don't move!” A voice booms from behind us, interrupting the conversation. “Wait. Robin, Aqualad, nightingale, Kid Flash?” the booming voice belonged to a man with a yellow helmet. He seemed to recognize you all when you turned towards him.

“At least he got your name right," you mutter to KF, thinking about all the reporters from outside the hall earlier, but all you gain is a minor glare from the speedster.

“I know you. Guardian, a hero," Aqualad states, and your eyebrows raise.

“I do my best,” Guardian nodded, and your fingers twitched at your side.

“Then what are you doing here?” Kid Flash argued.

“I think that's my question, guys. I'm chief of security. You're trespassing, but we can call the Justice League, figure this out," Guardian offers, causing you to frown.

“You think the League's gonna approve of you breeding weapons?” you interjected with a scoff, the attitude in your voice clear.

“Weapons? What are you-? what have I-? Ugh," the thing on his shoulder had horns, and they lit up like red lights the moment Guardian seemed to think about what you had said.

Your brows furrowed in response to the red horns, your mind fizzing with thoughts. You had seen this before, you were sure of it, but where?

Your focus had shifted from the real world, and it was only when you were being pulled through the air that you came back. Robin had grappled you both away as the room filled with a bit of smoke.

“What’s going on with you?” Rob asks as the two of you land in a secured location.

“Those things, the genomorphs, I’ve seen them before, but I don’t know where,” you admit, frown still on your lips as you wracked your brain for the answer.

He grabs your arm, causing you to look back to him, “For now, focus on the mission, try to block everything else out. We can figure it out later," he advises, you give him a nod in affirmation.

Robin started to hack the elevator, and KF eventually showed up behind us, “Way to be team players, guys,” he sasses with a pointed look as Robin gets the elevator to open.

“Weren’t you right behind us?” Robin covers making brief eye contact with you, before you all quickly file into the elevator.

When you felt the elevator dip, your eyes snapped to the digital display above the doors, watching as the numbers on the elevator's inner display got larger the lower we went. It took a second and another look at Robin before you understood why.

“We're headed down?” Aqualad was the next to notice as the elevator continued to drop.

“Dude, out is up," KF interjects.

“Excuse me?” Robin bites, clearly taking offense to Kid Flash’s tone.

“Project Kr, it's down. On sub-level 52," you point out, letting the rest understand.

“This is out of control. Perhaps--perhaps we should contact the League," Aqualad suggested, uncertainty laced in his words.

With a ding, the elevator doors open slowly, and all four of you tensed, doing your best to prepare for whatever is on Sub Level 52. When you notice the coast is clear, Robin immediately runs off.

“We are already here...” KF decides, running after your friend.

“Hmm,” Aqualad sighs defeatedly, and your gaze shifts to the eldest of you all.

“Don’t give up on me now, Kaldur’ahm,” you say gently, hand squeezing his shoulder.

Kaldur went quiet for a moment, before his eyes focused on you, “On you?” he repeats softly, “never,” he promised.

You offer him a small smile, and he nods his head. While Kid Flash and Robin were tight-knit, you had Kaldur. Kaldur had helped you learn how to move forward, and he had supported you through an especially rough time. You would be eternally grateful.

“This is our chance to prove we can be more than sidekicks,” you remind him before stepping out of the elevator and chasing after the other two boys.

You ran for a while, sticking to the walls as best you could. Eventually, you approached a crossroads, and the group of you ducked behind some crates.

“Which way?” Aqualad asked, voice low.

“Yeah,” Robin scoffed, “bizarre-looking hallway, one or bizarre-looking hallway two?”

Before you could make a decision, “Halt!” A voice boomed.

Barrels came hurtling at you immediately after, the four of you scattered, do your best to dodge them. You managed to follow after KF and down an empty hallway.

“Hurry!” KF yells to you as he pried the door at the end of the hallway open temporarily with a metal container.

Robin jumps then Aqualad; you managed to slip in, right before the genomorphs round the corner. Aqualad quickly kicked the container out of the way allowing the door to close fully, separating us from the genomorphs

“I disabled the door. We're safe,” Robin states, and you walk over to where Kid Flash was standing, taking a few deep breaths.

“We're trapped," Aqualad argues, and that’s when you and wally notice something a little freaky.

“Uh, guys,” you call, getting the arguing pair’s attention.

“You'll want to see this," Wally says, clicking a button on the counsel in the middle of the room. The containment unit across from the counsel lit up, revealing a person inside.

“Whoa!” you hear one of the boy’s mutter.

“Big ‘K,’ little ‘r,’” KF points out, and his eyes dart to you as you step closer to the container.

“The atomic symbol for Krypton," you note, turning to look at Wally with wide eyes.

“Clone?” you asked in unison, heads whipping back to look at Kaldur and Rob for answers.

“Robin, hack,” Aqualad instructs.

“Oh. Right, right," Rob says, typing at his wrist computer. “Weapon designation “Superboy” a clone force-grown in….16 weeks?! From DNA acquired from Superman," he read in astonishment, and your lips parted in surprise.

“Stolen from Superman," you correct, eyes returning to the clone.

“No way the big guy knows about this," KF points out.

“Solar suit allows him to absorb yellow sun radiation 24/7," Robin continues.

“And these creatures?” Aqualad points.

“Genomorph gnomes; telepathic, force-feeding him an education," Robin answered.

“And we can guess what else," KF states. “They're making a slave out of, well, Superman's son," he decides.

“Now we contact the League," you declared, looking back at each of the boys. You reach for the communicator, a small bird emblem, on your suit, but the connection doesn’t go through.

“No signal," Robin observed.

“We're in too deep, literally," KF reported with a pun.

“This is wrong," I choked, biting down on your lip as your gaze stayed on the boy in the tube, clone or no clone, he was a person, or at least, he was now.

“We can't leave him like this," Robin agreed.

“Set him free. Do it," Aqualad affirms with a nod.

Before you or Robin have a chance to do anything, the tube opens with a hiss, and some white gas flows out. Suddenly the clone is zooming at you all. The clone zeroed in on the closest target, which, in this case, happened to be you. However, Aqualad managed to push you aside in time, taking the brunt of the attack himself.

“Whoa! Hang on, Supey," KF attempted to reason as you all tried to pull the clone off of Aqualad.

“We're on your side!” Rob yells as Superboy continued to punch Kaldur.

You squared your shoulders before running at the clone, you were hoping to have enough momentum to knock him off of Kaldur, but the Superboy had prepared for that. Leaving Kaldur for a moment, his hands came out before you could realize what he was doing, he had pushed you back, forcefully. You collided with some glass containers against the wall, and the glass shattered, scratching at your suit, jacket, and bits of skin. Your body was beginning to ache as you tried to stand up.

But before you could muster the strength, the room went black. The last thing you heard, a shout from Kaldur, “We are trying to help you!”

DC taglist: @grey-water-colors

CN:NG taglist: @psych0crybaby @smile-more19

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kiirokero · 4 years ago

Text

Outro: Love Is Not Over (1)

Pairing: Daycare Teacher! Hoseok x Single Mom! Reader.

Genre: Single Parent! AU, Teacher! AU, Hybrid! AU, Fluff, Angst, Adorable Kids,

Warnings: Don’t know if this counts but mentions of accidental pregnancies and shitty men.

Word Count: 1.7k

Summary: Years after a relationship goes south. You are the single mother of a beautiful 6-year-old golden retriever hybrid who you named Yunho. He is the light of your life. Yunho is everything to you, and you’d do anything for him. But you’re a human. Yunho doesn’t care, he will tell you he doesn’t. “You’re still my Eomma. No matter what.” He says. But you can’t help but feel like you will never be enough for him. You can’t be the mother he deserves. You can’t show him the ropes of being a hybrid, and you can’t teach him things the other moms can. But you try. You try your damn hardest. So, when a handsome German Shepard hybrid comes into your life, helping you and guiding Yunho in a way you can’t, you can’t help the cozy home he sets up in your heart.

Chapter Guide:

Previous / Next

“Congratulations! It’s a boy.”

“I-Is he okay?”

“Yes, he’s very healthy. Do you have a name in mind?”

“Yunho.”

“A very nice name.”

“Oh, he’s beautiful.”

“That he is. I apologize for asking, but you haven’t listed the father on his birth certificate yet.”

“I’m aware.”

“Are you going to?”

“No.”

“You’re aware what that means, yes?”

“Yes.”

“Well then, Ms. L/n, I’ll leave you be now. Press the button if you need assistance. A midwife will be coming to see you shortly.”

“Eomma, wake up!” A giggly voice called. The bed was bouncing up and down, pulling me out of my slumber. I couldn’t help but laugh along. “All right, Yunnie, I’m up.” Yunho chuckled and lent down to give me my morning hug. “Good morning, Eomma.” He sighed, his fluffy blonde tail wagging in content. “Good morning, lovely. Did you sleep well?” I wrapped my arms around him, bringing him in for a snuggle. “Yes! I had a dream about giant squirrels!” He exclaimed. I let out an exaggerated gasp, “You did?! That’s awesome.”

Yunho wiggled out of my grasp and bounded towards my bedroom door. “Come on, Eomma! I’m hungry.” I chuckled and got out of bed. “Alright, waffles or toast?” I asked while I grabbed my sweatshirt, pulling it on. “Waffles!” Yunho answered, racing downstairs to the living room. I smiled to myself, I couldn’t help the warmth in my heart every time I saw my son.

Yunho had short hair that matched mine in color. He also had my eyes. I could see little pieces of myself in his face and it always made me smile. I didn’t pay attention to the features he and his father shared, even if they weren’t many. The most prominent feature they shared being his ears and tail, but somehow, Yunho made them uniquely his.

He never like getting his fur cut, would always sulk about it afterwards, he likes to keep the fur on his tail long so either him or I could braid it. He thought braids were so pretty, so he would ask me to braid all of his hair, and eventually, he learned himself. His fur on his ears was less long because of my insistence that having heavy ears would impair his ability to lift them. He could lift his left ear, but not the right one. He’s been working on that.

So, even if he was his father's child, he was still just Yunho to me. That man didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that Yunho has his button nose or freckles. It didn’t matter because Yunho was Yunho, and Yunho was the light of my life. He would run around the house non stop, bring me little rocks he found in the yard, draw pictures that had a special place on the fridge. Yunho was sunshine incarnate, and I couldn’t ask for a better son.

Downstairs, Yunho was sitting in front of the T.V, watching his favorite cartoon. It was about this hybrid boy and his best friend, who was human. Yunho said it was like him and I, that we were like the characters on screen, going on adventures every day. The sight made me smile yet again, and I went to the kitchen to get started on breakfast.

I could see Yunho from the kitchen since it was an open plan. Which wasn’t surprising because we lived in a small house. 2 bedrooms, 1 and 1/2 baths. It had a very large backyard that merged into woods. The area is pleasant, a little secluded, but that just gave Yunho more room to explore. The house got a lot of natural light with the large windows, and the air was always refreshing.

When I first saw the house, it was like a blessing. It was a little run down, but nothing I couldn’t handle, and it was cheap. A house being cheap should be a red flag, and it was, but it was worth it. The worst problem the house had was the hot water that ran out pretty quickly. In no way was it a luxurious mansion, but it was home, and that was all that mattered.

“Yunho! Come get your breakfast!” I called, placing his bright blue plate on the small dining room table we had. I heard his feet patter on the hardwood as he ran to the dining room. “Woah! Slow down, bub.” I chuckled. Yunho gave me a shy smile and sat down, immediately digging into his breakfast. “Is it good?” I teased, wiping away some stray syrup that threatened to end up in his hair. Yunho nodded enthusiastically, giving me a thumbs up.

We ate together with comfortable banter. Yunho was telling me about the latest episode of his cartoon, and I was more than happy to listen. The way his eyes lit up whenever he talked about something he loved was enough to make the toughest of men smile. “Eomma, can Hajun come over today?” Yunho asked in a hopeful tone. I thought about it for a bit, “I’ll call Aunt Hyejin and see if he can, okay?” Yunho brightened up and gave a little “okay!” In response.

After we were done eating, Yunho put his plate in the sink and went back to watching T.V. I washed up the dishes and dialed Hyejin’s number. “Hey babe!” She answered in her usual cheery voice. I chuckled, “Hey sis.”

In reality, Hyejin wasn’t my sis or babe, but we were close like that. Hyejin was a Siamese cat hybrid that I met back in college. We were roommates, and we just clicked immediately. We were there with each other through everything. Shitty professors, family issues, breakups, shit men that make your life a living hell. She had her son, Hajun, a bit before I had Yunho, and helped me whenever I needed.

She and her husband, Yoongi, a Persian cat hybrid, were there with me through it all. They were the family I never had. Yoongi was like an overprotective older brother, and Hyejin was no different. They even helped me find Yunho and I’s home. We normally went on family trips to amusement parks or aquariums which the boys never seemed to get bored with. We were all one big happy family.

Yoongi and Hyejin were like polar opposites. Yoongi was chill while Hyejin was a bundle of never ending energy. Yoongi was quiet Hyejin loved to talk. Yoongi was an introvert, and Hyejin constantly dragged him out to parties that Namjoon, one of our mutual friends, had mentioned to her. It was funny to witness. Especially when Yoongi begged me to go in his stead, which worked 50% of the time.

“So, what d’ya need? I’m all ears.” She snickered, and I could practically see her gray ears twitch. “Haha, hilarious. Yunnie wants to know if you guys can come over.” I answered. “Yeah, sure! We’re not doing anything today and I’ve been dying to talk to you about something.” She gushed. “Ooo, exciting.” I chuckled. “I’ll see you soon, babes. Love you!” I said I loved her back and hung up the phone.

Soon, Hyejin and Hajun arrived and the boys immediately began playing together. “Hey! So nice to see you!” Hyejin smiled, giving me a hug. “You too!” I was equally just as happy to see Hyejin since she and Yoongi had been a bit busy lately. We walked over to the living room where the boys were playing on the floor with their toys. Hyejin and I sat on the sofa and she immediately began talking.

“Okay! So, I’ve been dying to talk to you about this,” She started, already bouncing in her seat. “I can see that.” I teased, poking at her shoulder. “You know the job I was looking into? The daycare one?” She asked, and I nodded. “Well~ I got the job!” She exclaimed. My jaw dropped, a smile made its way onto my face. “No way! Congratulations!” I got up and squeezed her in a bone breaking hug, which she reciprocated.

“I know! I’m so excited!” Her tail was flicking behind her. “So, when do you start?” I asked, moving back into my seat. “Next week! I’m going to be the second teacher, helping someone named Mr. Jung.” She explained, and she went on to tell me how she got the job and how Hajun had asked if he could go, only to pout when Hyejin told him that he was too old. “I’m happy for you, Hyejin.” I smiled, excited that she was pursuing her dream of working with kids.

Hyejin, like me, got pregnant young and unexpectedly. But she was super thrilled. She didn’t care if she was only 20, she always wanted a child. She wasn’t married at that time, but Yoongi stepped up pretty quickly to raise Hajun with Hyejin. Yoongi was a cool dad, pretty laid back. Usually snuck the kids out to go get ice cream or pizza. Not that Hyejin or I minded, he treated both boys with the utmost care. He treated Yunho like his own son.

“So, have you met this Mr. Jung?” I wondered. “Not yet, but I had a phone call with him. Guess what? He’s our age.” She whispered, like what she was saying was some big secret. “Hyejin, we’re both 26, it’s not like a young teacher is unheard of.” I pointed out. “I know! But... What if he’s cute~?” She raised her eyebrows in a teasing manner, leaning closer to me. “I could be cupid.” She winked and I rolled my eyes.

“No thanks, Hyejin. I appreciate it, but love for me ended a long time ago.” I sighed and Hyejin huffed, dramatically slouching in her seat. “Y/n, just because... he... broke your heart doesn’t mean you should give up entirely.” She pointed out, looking at me with eyes full of undecipherable emotions. “Any man I date would have to be okay with being a father-like figure to Yunho. I’m 26 Hyejin, no guy my age wants kids yet.” I monotoned.

I had come to terms with the fact that most men didn’t want to date someone who already had a child. Not saying that it didn’t dishearten me a bit, but it was a revelation I made early on. If someone wanted me, they were going to want Yunho too. It either both of us, or neither of us.

Yunho was my light, and he deserved a father that could be the things I couldn’t.

#bts fic #bts one shot #jung hoseok #bts hoseok #hobi #hoseok x reader #jhope #jhope x reader #bts hybrid au #hybrid

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verobatto · 4 years ago

Text

Almost there

We had Castiel's "I love you", and we will have Dean's "I Love You Too"

Destiel meta. 15x18 meta. Spoiler. Meta Spec.

Hello friends, are you still alive? I have so much to say my ears are burning and I have the hart in my throat.

I just want scream this with all of you...

Destiel parallels all over foreshadowing the lovers Separation.

Charlie and Stevie.

First of all, let's spot Stevie's wardrobe: YES, PINK (HAPPINESS) Because she was happy to be with Charlie and she meant Charlie's happiness.

Stevie vanished, foreshadowing Castiel's death, and the lovers separation.

We also had Charlie mourning her, dating she didn't want to try this LOVE THING again. But she did. This quote reminded me how Dean called love like the 'L word' for so many years, finally talking about it and naming it by it's name in episode 14x06 with Jack.

'Why her and not me?' Charlie lamenting her lover's death is the same image we got with Dean sobbing and crying in silence, sitting against the wall, with Castiel's handprint in his left shoulder, as a signal of their bond.

Eileen and Sam

Eileen and Sam were another Destiel mirror foreshadowing the lovers separation. Okay, it was dramatically written with all the messages and the screaming via texting, but, it showed us Sam mourning her, but trying to focus on the mission, not letting the hinges despair of loosing her to drag him down.

The big difference with Dean was settled in this reaction, even knowing Sam and Jack were taking care of the AU hunters, SAVING PEOPLE, FAMILY BUSINESS, Dean didn't answer his brother's phone call. He just couldn't, because the intensity of his pain in lopsing Castiel again was too much for him. He couldn't avoid it. He couldn't reject it. It was there. So he started to cry. Because nothing else mattered in that moment he lost Cas again.

I'll go with you

Castiel in his last crusade with Dean, as he always had done since he met the hunter. He went with him to hunt Death. It was a wink to Destiel shippers, because the weight of these quote had always been part of the Destiel's flag.

But there was a foreshadow for the love confession we also had in this same episode:

Billie saying: 'It have always been you' to Dean, putting the focus on our hunter, treating him of Death defy, rule breaker, human disorder incarnate. She also says: DON'T YOU THINK IS ABOUT TIME, DEAN?

When Death calls out Dean with all theses titles, is a implied description of Castiel rebellious angel. And is foreshadowing Castiel's love confession, because for Cas, his happiness has always been Dean.

'Is about time, Dean' and here comes a spec, as you all know, i extensively talked about how Dean will rescue Cas from the Empty, well, i think this quote could be related to it. Because when Dean will enter to the Void to save his angel, IT WILL BE TIME FOR HIM TO CONFESS HIS LOVE BACK TO CAS.

Something that caught my attention too, was Castiel saying 'I got you' to Jack and then to Dean, his two more important persons in his life. He was protecting them from harm. Gosh I want to cry... But not yet because I have to talk about the most important, revealing Destiel scene from all times.

This romantic I LOVE YOU is for you, Dean

First of all, i want to say something DEAN WILL RESCUE CAS FROM THE EMPTY, because he will, and i want you to keep that in mind (Loudly sobbing) so this wasn't the goodbye, okay?

Let's go on...

This love confession was beautiful, and Castiel made it clear he was talking about ROMANTIC LOVE, because the whole prelude in his wordings were perfectly clear. There's not doubt he was confessing his romantic love for Dean. He even mention THE ONLY THING I CAN'T HAVE is the thing that will make him happy.

Is canon he was asking himself what happiness could be!!! It means CAS THOUGHT ABOUT HOW COULD IT BE TO HAVE DEAN NOT JUST AS A FRIEND!!!!

He says too FROM THE MOMENT HE TOOK THAT BURDEN! FR THE MENT HE REACUED DEAN FROM HELL!!!!!! 'It has always been you', Dean!'

You think you don't deserve to be saved or loved, well CAS SAVED YOU, JUST LIKE NOW, AND HE LOVES YOU DEAN!!!

When Castiel says he understood HAPPINESS IS NOT ABOUT TO HAVE THINGS, BUT TO BE, TO FEEL IT, immediately after saying he couldn't have that thing (Dean) is marking to all the audience that knowing HE CAN'T HAVE DEAN, HE IS HAPPY JUST FEELING THAT LOVE FOR HIM. LOVONG HIM AS HE DOES IS WHAT MAKES CAS HAPPY, AND CONFESSING THAT LOVE TO DEAN, RELEASE HIM.

Death called back all the 'bad things' Dean did, which are THE GOOD THINGS CASTIEL MENTIONED ABOUT DEAN.

While naming Dean's sacrifices and protective behavior, and showing him HE DID IT FOR LOVE, Castiel is trying to make Dean to see himself as CAS sees him.

Love yourself, because you are precious, because I LOVE YOU. You are not a monster, you are all this good things I see on you.

He said YOU CHANGED ME! BECAUSE NOW HE IS TALKING RO DEAN, ALL THAT THINGS HE SAID IN THAT BARN WHILE DYING! HE SAID IT TO HIA FAMILY BUT NOW, THESE WORDS ARE FOR DEAN, JUST FOR HIM! DEAN CHANGED CAS AND CAS CHANGED DEAN!

And Castiel cried! I saw him cry, we saw him cry! Tears of love!

My gosh! if this isn't the most romantic dialogue I've ever seen in my life... I don't know what to do!

Okay, now, i have to put my friend's body language analysis:

@mrsaquaman187 wrote:

"His face when he says “I love you” he tilts his head and purses his lips and you can see him swallowing back words. He wants to say “that’s not fair. You can’t tell me that then die” but all he can get out is “don’t do this Cas”..."

Gif set credit @mugiwara-yeet 👇

And OMG!!! Is a confirmation of what is about to come!!! Because Dean is in shock, he can't say the three words back, he just can't, because he doesn't want to lose him again. And that's why he remains against that wall after Cas is gone, because he is suffering for loosing the love of his life, but also because he couldn't say I LOVE YOU BACK TO HIM!!!! HE LOST HIS OPPORTUNITY!! BUT BUT! THE ULTIMATE 'I LOVE YOU' the meaningful, the one that will save Cas, will come soon. DEAN WILL SAID : I LOVE YOU TOO, to his angel, and it will be so important, that will mean Castiel's returning to his hunter. Damn. And we won't need more clown noses, because is gonna be real.

To Conclude:

I don't know what to conclude here more than ,people, we have been blessed, and also, i want my angel back.

I'm sure this is not his end, because there's a hunter there that needs to confess him his feelings and maybe, kiss him.

Thank you and good night, I need more alcohol.

Tagging @metafest @gneisscastiel @emblue-sparks @magnificent-winged-beast @weird-dorky-little-deana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @mybonsai1976 @anarchiana @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @destielshipper221b @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @feathered-castiel @bre95611 @zoerayne2426 @justmeand-myinsight @that-one-fandom-chick @proccastinate @studio-hatter @pepevons @poorreputation @mrsaquaman187 @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @dwstiel @thislunarkiss @ladygon @shippsblog @la-random-fangirl @lets-try-this-again-please @mychemicalobsession514 @destiel-shipper-11

@asphodelesauvage @2musiclover2

Buenos Aires November 5th 2020 11:54 PM

#destiel #destiel meta #15x18 meta #spn spoiler #meta spec #castiel #dean winchester

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mimisempai · 3 years ago

Text

You are worth so much more than the sum of your mistakes

Summary:

Mobius shows Loki that he is much more than his failures.

Last fic before the episode 03. The next one after it. But don't worry, come what may, our boys will be happy.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32121712

1802 words - Rating G

"Loki?" Mobius walked into his office where Loki was sitting flipping through files.

They were leaving in a few hours for Alabama in 2050.

"Yes?"

"Would you mind accompanying me to the projection room? I want to show you something."

Loki stood up and nodded.

"Let's go."

They entered the room where Loki had been viewing parts of his past and future life when he arrived at the TVA

Everything that made him a villain.

He stopped when he saw the projector on the table in the middle of the room.

"If this is to make me cruelly realize who I am, so I can keep me on a short leash before the mission, it's not worth it."

Loki turned around ready to leave the room.

"Loki, no!"

Mobius held him back by the sleeve, Loki struggled blinded by the feeling of disappointment that washed over him.

Mobius wrapped his arms around him from behind and said in his ear;

"Loki, I promise you that it is not about that. This time it's my turn to ask you to please trust me."

Loki stopped struggling and let Mobius pull him into the room and he made him sit in front of the screen.

Mobius stood behind him with his hands on his shoulders and gently asked Loki, "Do you remember what you said you were, in this very room last time?"

Loki bowed his head and whispered, "A villain."

Mobius continued, "And do you remember what I replied?"

"That this was not how you saw it."

Mobius pressed his shoulders and answered, "That's right. And I want to show you why I said that. I'm going to show you two excerpts from your past life and one from your future life.Is it okay to watch them?"

Loki just nodded.

Mobius pressed the power button and resumed his place behind Loki with his hands on his shoulders.

"I can stop anytime you want, you just have to say so."

Loki nodded again.

He saw himself and his brother in their ceremonial clothes just before Thor's enthronement.

Thor was taking his helmet presented to him by a servant.

Loki looked at him and said with a half smile, "Oh... nice feathers. "

Thor laughed wryly before replying, "You don't really want to start this again do you?

Loki protested, "I was sincere. "

"You are incapable of sincerity. "

"Am I?"

" Yes "

Loki looked at his brother with affection and replied very seriously, "I've looked forward to this day as long as you have, my brother, my friend. Sometimes I'm envious, but never doubt that I love you. "

Thor put his hand on his shoulder and said softly, "Thank you."

Loki could hardly swallow the lump that had formed in his throat.

They may have clashed often, they may have been on bad terms when Loki ran away, but Thor was the person he missed the most since he was here.

Mobius paused and stood in front of him, kneeling down to be at his level.

He simply placed his hand on Loki's arm and asked, "Do you think someone who shows such brotherly love is a villain?"

Then he stood up, not waiting for an answer and pressed play again.

The scene was happening in Odin's room.

Odin was staring thoughtfully out the window and then turned away. Frigga sat in a vanity and tried different earrings before the mirror.

Odin asked her, "Do you think he's ready?"

"He thinks he is. He has his father's confidence." answered Frigga gently.

Odin retorted,"He'll need his father's wisdom."

Friga laughed and answered impertinently, "And his humility?"

Then Frigga added, "Thor won't be alone. Loki will be at his side to give him counsel. Have faith in your sons."

Loki could not remember ever having witnessed such a scene between his mother and father. He had never imagined his parents discussing Thor and him in this way, it was strange in a way. He had felt like he was witnessing a private scene. But to hear his mother talk about him in this way was beyond comprehension.

Mobius simply said to him before the footage continued, "Do you think a villain would inspire such faith in him from his mother, who is not even of his blood, do you think a mother would put her trust in one brother to support the other if deep down she thought he was a villain?"

The question hung in the air as the video resumed.

When Loki saw the scene beginning to unfold before his eyes, he protested and wanted to stand up, "Mobius, I've seen it before, I know this is the scene where I die!"

Mobius put his hands on Loki's shoulders again and said, "Look at it again this time, please. I really think you need to see it to the end."

Loki was talking to Thanos, "If I might, interject… If you’re going to Earth, you might want a guide. I do have a bit of experience in that arena."

Thanos glared at him and replied "If you consider failure experience…"

Loki, losing none of his cockiness, answered, "I consider experience, experience. Almighty Thanos. I, Loki, Prince of Asgard… Odinson… The rightful King of Jotunheim, God of Mischief, do hereby pledge to you, my undying fidelity."

Thor squinted and noticed a dagger in Loki’s hand. Loki attempted to stab Thanos, but failed.

“Undying. You should choose your words more carefully."

Thanos tightened his hold around Loki’s neck.

Loki made eye contact with Thor before Thanos increased his force on his neck.

He struggled to articulate, "You… will never be… a god."

Thanos snapped Loki’s neck, killing him then added, "No resurrection this time." before disappearing.

Loki closed his eyes, unable to stop a tear from rolling down his cheek.

Mobius leaned over and said softly in his ear, "Loki, watch, I know it's hard, but please watch."

Thor was crying, "No… Loki…"

He was then released from his binds and crawled over to Loki’s body. He laid his head down on Loki’s chest, shedding tears.

Mobius knelt before Loki and took his hands, "Loki, after this, after many twists and turns, Thanos has lost and you played a part in his loss. Your death played a part. But more than that, after all you've been through, all the times you've faced each other, do you think Thor would have cried for you like that, if you were a villain? Loki, you are worth so much more than you think you are destined to be."

Mobius wiped away Loki's tear stain with his thumb and let his hand linger on the god's cheek.

Loki asked him in a slightly hoarse voice, "But why show me this, why would you want to convince me of the opposite of what you wanted me to recognize first."

"Oh no Loki, I never wanted you to think you were a villain, I wanted you to see that you were not the one you insist on parading to the world."

Loki protested, "But you told me I was born to cause pain and suffering and death. That's how it is, that's how it was, that's how it will be. All so that others can achieve their best versions of themselves. "

"Yes, I told you that not because I think that's what you are, I was just showing you that that's what you were limiting yourself to because you yourself think you're only capable of that. Because you want to rule so badly, that you don't see that you are made for bigger things. You asked me to trust you yesterday. I did because Loki I have faith in you and since you've been here you keep proving it. In your own way. Because you are undoubtedly the god of mischief. Unique. Not. A. Villain."

Mobius took his chin and placed a kiss on his forehead before standing up.

"I'll leave you alone for a bit, let you take some time to think about this, I'll come get you before the mission briefing." he headed for the door.

"Mobius?"

"Yes." Mobius came back to him as Loki stood up.

"I don't know why, but I really, really want to believe you."

Seeing a man as powerful as Loki, showing so much fragility and hope at the same time, Mobius thought he had never found him as magnificent as he was at that moment. He felt blessed that Loki had exposed such vulnerability to him.

"It's not an easy road, Loki, but it's worth it.It's not easy being a man, but that's why it's so wonderful when you manage to overcome the obstacles. Don't forget that you are not or no longer alone, I will be there every step of the way. You just have to find the right direction."

Loki nodded and chuckled, "I don't know what deities decided to put you on my path, but I'm glad that it’s you."

He felt blessed that Loki would show such vulnerability.

Loki nodded and chuckled, "I don't know what deities decided to put you on my path, but I'm glad that it's you."

For once since the beginning of their strange relationship, Loki took the initiative and kissed Mobius lightly before stepping back."Go, I'll stay here for a while, a god of mischief can't show up with swollen and red eyes, there are limits to the lack of decorum." He finished by winking at him.

Mobius chuckled before leaving.

Once the door closed, he whispered, "Me too Loki, I'm glad fate connected us."

____

"Loki! Wait!"

Loki was standing in front of the portal through which the woman had just disappeared and deep down he knew he was going to have to follow her.

Not because of all the bullshit he had spouted at her just before.

Not because of his personal interests, well not only because of his personal interests. He was Loki after all.

But because of the man who was running towards him shouting.

Mobius.

Because Mobius had seen in him more than a glorious purpose.

Because even if it was for his personal interests, Mobius had needed him.

Because Mobius had made him see that he could be a better version of himself.

Because Loki was starting to believe it.

So as he turned to Mobius who was running towards him he put everything he could into his eyes.

Believe in me!

Then, reluctantly, he turned away and went through the portal.

_________

The whole serie here : The story of Loki and Mobius

#loki series #lokius fic #lokius #loki #mobius m mobius #moki #wowki #developing relationship #episode related #fluff #emotional hurt/comfort

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let-me-love-you-loki · 3 years ago

Text

Nowhere to Run--Ch. 42

Chapter 42

Jericho walked out of his home office with a mild headache and a grumbling stomach. He had just finished recording and doing a lot of the cleanup on the newest episode of Talk Is Jericho. While he loved doing the whole thing, he felt like he’d been locked in his office all day. He wanted to get out under the sunshine with Kat, maybe on the water with the jet skis. More than anything, he just wanted to be near her.

The morning after everything that happened with Jack Perry at Dynamite, Kat had sat him down in the sitting room at the hotel and finally showed him the contract Tony Khan and the Elite offered her. Once he’d had time to read the whole thing, she’d dropped the rest of the offer. She told him that Tony Khan had expressed an interest in having her as his personal assistant legitimately. That he was willing to discuss bringing her on to help with the Jaguars and maybe even over to the UK to help with Fulham.

“What do you think?” she’d asked, pulling her knees up to her chin and tucking her hair behind her ears.

He felt his heartbeat skip behind his ribs at the implication of her words. She had been offered a lifechanging opportunity—the opportunity to work for not one but potentially three massive sports brands—and she wanted his opinion. More than that, she wanted his blessing. He could see it in her eyes. She watched him with a wary sort of hope that he didn’t know how to manage.

No one else’s happiness—their future—had ever been his hands before.

“I think Tony is going to make sure you have a great job no matter which one you choose,” he replied slowly. “And you’re easily going to be magnificent at any of them. Or all of them.”

Jericho had leaned over and brushed his lips against her forehead. “Whatever you decide, Kat… I’ll support you. No matter what.”

He didn’t think he would ever forget the way that she looked at him then. There weren’t words enough to describe the way her entire being seemed to relax. “I’ll just rack up more air miles flying over to see you in London.”

He had been happy that he could make her laugh after everything that happened. That he could make her feel safe enough with him that she could make whatever choice she felt was best for her and know that he would be there. He would be right behind her. Beside her.

Now, days later, he thought of that feeling as he walked toward the kitchen. Jericho hated that he’d been preoccupied since they’d come home to Odessa. He knew that Kat understood everything that he did. Half the time, she helped him schedule guests for the podcast and put his schedule together for Dark Side of the Ring. He’d had an agent for years who managed his TV appearances, tour dates, and every part of his professional life outside of the ring. The man did his job well and earned every penny he got paid, but Jericho had no illusions that anyone other than Kat Prince kept him together the last few months.

Regardless of what part of his life it was.

Jericho turned the corner into the kitchen and couldn’t help but grin when he saw Kat at the island. The sink overflowed with mixing bowls and measuring cups. When he stopped to pay attention, he smelled something wonderful in the air. But that wasn’t what drew his attention. The only thing he could see was Kat and the surface in front of her that was covered in papers and a binder that seemed to be overflowing. She had a pair of headphones over her ears—the rainbow splatter custom Beats that he’d surprised her with—as she sorted through everything and wrote in that giant binder.

She had her head down and clearly hadn’t seen him. He leaned against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest as he watched her. Kat leaned over on her elbows and jotted something down in the binder. Her head bopped as she bounced from one foot to the other, swinging her hips. He could hear the deep hum of a beat coming from the headphones, but he couldn’t tell what she was listening to. By the look on her face, he could tell it was something she liked. The grin on her face made her beautiful in a way that punched him straight in the chest.

Much to his happy surprise, in the next moment Kat began singing. It was obvious she still thought she was alone, and he wasn’t about to change that.

“Oh bay-bay bay-bay, how was I supposed to know…” Her hips rocked in time with whatever tune. “…that something wasn’t right here. Oh bay-bay bay-bay, I shouldn’t have let you goooo ooooh. And now you’re out of sight yeah…”

Jericho had to bite his lip hard to stop himself from making a single sound. Kat was so thoroughly lost in the song playing in her ear that he didn’t have the heart to stop her joy. As he watched her, it dawned on him what song she was singing. The next minute, she straightened up and began dancing through the kitchen with a sort of practiced motion that made him think that she’d watched the music video and memorized the steps long ago. She moved with a smooth grace that made him wonder if she’d trained as a dancer.

He smirked, seeing her in his mind’s eye dressed in a plaid skirt and knee-high socks.

My God, he thought with glee, she’s absolutely adorable. And then, another unbidden thought. Fuck. She’s so young!

***

I couldn’t remember a time when I didn’t love Britney Spears. I had a very clear memory of being six years old and hearing the song on the radio with my babysitter. She brought the CD single the next time she watched me and we danced through the house for hours with the song on repeat. I remembered her being so patient as she taught me the dance from the video. It was because of that wonderful babysitter that I begged my parents to put me into dance class.

When Jack found out about my love of dance and Britney Spears, he pretty much made sure that I had every CD she’d ever put out. The next thing I knew, Luke had made reservations in Las Vegas at the Planet Hollywood. He took us all—Jack, Sophie, and me—to Vegas for a week. We saw Britney’s show twice, and Luke even found a way for me to meet her. It was a wonderful surprise that made me love Luke Perry even more.

The music hit one of my favorite parts, and I could see the choreography in my head. I took a step out and spun around twice on my heels. My head whipped around in muscle memory of spotting. On the second rapid rotation, I caught sight of Jericho leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest as he watched me with a smirk. It surprised me so much that I fell out of the turn and stumbled against the fridge. My feet slipped out from beneath me. I landed on my ass and fell back against the tile floor, laughing from embarrassment.

My headphones slipped back over my head, the music playing into my hair as I stared up at the ceiling. Not even a second later, Jericho crouched beside me with worry in his eyes. “Are you okay?”

I covered my face with my hands and sighed through the laughter. “I’m good.”

Jericho carefully pulled my headphones off. I opened my eyes in time to see him reach up to put them on the kitchen island. He flashed me a lopsided grin before reaching his hands out to me. “Up you go, pop princess.”

Groaning, I took his hands and let him pull me to my feet. Once I was upright again, I turned off my music. I was so embarrassed that I couldn’t look at him. I put my head down and focused on the piles of paper on the island. I tried to act like nothing had happened and that I hadn’t made a complete ass of myself in front of him.

Jericho slipped around behind me and settled his hands on my hips. He pressed soft kisses along the back of my neck before resting his chin on my shoulder. “You know, you’re absolutely adorable sometimes.”

I kept my head down, face burning with a heavy blush. I pulled the binder closer and noticed my fingers were shaking. He skimmed his hands down my arms and threaded our fingers together. He drew them back, crossing our arms over my body until I was entrapped against him.

“Every day I find something new to love about you,” he said. I felt the smile curve his lips as he nuzzled against the curve of my neck. “You’re full of surprises, Kat Prince.”

“Oh shut up,” I whined. “I made myself look like an idiot.”

Jericho turned me around in his arms. There was a beautiful light in his blue eyes that made me smile despite my embarrassment. “Need I remind you of everything I’ve done in my life? You looked like you were having fun. You should teach me how to do that.”

I looked up into his eyes and felt my heart race in my chest. “You’re teasing me.”

He laughed. “No, sweetheart, I’m not. I’ve done Dancing with the Stars. And you know I can learn just about anything pretty quick.”

“You seriously want me to teach you how to dance to Britney Spears?”

Jericho pressed a kiss to my forehead. “I want to be part of things that make you happy. Even if that means dancing to Britney Spears.”

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at him. “You’re serious.”

“Completely.”

***

Jericho grinned, gasping for breath as he lay sprawled out on the grass beneath the bright blue sky. He laughed and turned his head toward her. Kat sat cross-legged beside him, her face slightly pink from exertion. His heart thumped hard with how much he loved her.

“You’re better than I expected,” she said in a happy huff. “Fast learner.”

He propped himself up on his elbows and looked up into the green eyes that were so beautiful and bright. “Have a good teacher. A gorgeous, graceful teacher.”

Kat blushed and he lost even more of his heart to her. “I was a dancer once.”

Jericho couldn’t help himself. He smirked. “A dancer, huh?”

She reached out and slapped him in the arm. “Not that kind of dancer.”

Laughing, he snatched her against him and rolled until she was pressed into the grass at his side. “I bet you’d be brilliant at it, sweetheart.”

His stomach dropped into his toes at the way she arched her brows at him. “Maybe I’ll have to try it sometime.”

___

Tag List

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@mariejr88-blog

@thenerdybaker523

@mrsmatt

@not-that-kinda-gurl08

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#nowhere to run #chris jericho #chris jericho fanfiction #inner circle #inner circle fanfiction #ofc #oc #kat prince #aew #aew fanfiction #multi-chapter #chris x kat #katarina prince #may/december romance

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itsclydebitches · 4 years ago

Text

YYH Recaps: Episode 1, Surprised to be Dead

Hello, all you hypothetical readers! It's a beautiful spring day and I have a free afternoon ahead of me, so what better time to start another massive project while I guilty stuff my other WIPs deep into the depths of my hard drive? Yeah. Iffy life choices aside, someone mentioned a few weeks back that they'd love for me to recap a show I have more positive things to say about than negative (RIP RWBY) and ever since Netflix announced that their live-action adaptation of Yu Yu Hakusho is in the works, I've been itching for a re-watch of the anime. With the RWBY hiatus underway, it seemed like the perfect time to fulfill both desires.

Before we begin though, I'd like to touch on a few things that are going to influence this project.

First, YYH is near and dear to my heart. Written by Yoshihiro Togashi in the early 1990s and later adapted for an American audience by Funimation, I had the pleasure of experiencing this story five different ways: as a serialized tale in Shonen Jump, a binge read when I had the money to buy the manga, tiny snippets of the anime on Adult Swim late at night — don't tell my parents ;) — as an after-school treat on Toonami, and then years later as a re-watch when I introduced it to a friend (who, in turn, blessed me by having us watch Fullmetal Alchemist next). I used to keep a Hiei bookmark in everything I was reading, the spirit gun made it into our witch-wolf-space adventures on the playground (middle school was wild), and there was a long period of my life where I tried very hard to teach myself to stand with my hands behind my back, precisely as Genkai does. Spoiler alert: I failed. So to say I love the series is... a little bit of an understatement. I bring this up simply as a way of demonstrating that there's more than a bit of nostalgia attached to YYH for me and that will inevitably cloud my reading of it. How can it not? So that's just something to keep in mind as I work through a series that, like any having hit its 30th birthday, has its outdated, flawed, and other questionable aspects.

Second, but very much connected to the first point, is that these are pretty casual recaps. I summarize and extrapolate, focusing primarily on plot and dialogue (but with the occasional cinematography aspect tossed in). I'm not conducting research on the cultural history here — something that will come up at least once in this episode — I'm not arguing an overarching thesis, and I've never been someone who focuses on the author/production/trivia of a series. I'm here for the story as the story is presented to the viewer. If you've read my RWBY Recaps, this will function precisely the same way, with the only difference being I'm engaging with a finished text as opposed to an ongoing one, so there’s a lot less, “Maybe ___ will happen” theorizing going on.

Third, I obviously recommend that you watch the show yourself (you can find it on YouTube!), but you don't have to know the series to follow along. As these massive paragraphs attest, I tend to be both detailed and verbose, so we'll be covering every major plot point — and most of the smaller ones too.

Finally, I'm working from the dub. I know, I know, the horror. But it's what I grew up on and, honestly, I think it's superior to the sub. YYH's dubbing is in a class all its own and to this day there are very few shows that compare to it. Trust me, it's a good call.

That's enough of the boring chit-chat though. Let's get started!

Our very first episode "Surprised to be Dead" opens on a crowded street. We see lots of traffic, people going about their business, and a pedestrian crossing sign that, crucially, turns red. This is our normality and, like in every genre story, you need to break that normality at some point so that the protagonists can go on their fantastical/supernatural/science fiction journey. YYH eases us into things by first breaking the normality of an everyday afternoon: there's a screech of tires, quick shots of a man pushing a child out of the way of an oncoming car, and then his back is hitting the windshield. We begin this story with a horrible — but otherwise mundane — car crash.

Now, these flashes alone have a fair bit to unpack. Despite later getting a brief shot of the man's scared face right before he's hit, the moment's focus is really on the child. He's the one foregrounded in the initial, slow-mo shot. He's the one who appears in color while the man is kept in shadow. This isn't just a hit, it's a rescue. The camera is also careful to follow the soccer ball this kid was playing with (more on that later in the episode), with it flying through the air as the man is hit and bouncing to a stop in the street, acting as the dramatic finish. It's childhood! It's innocence! It's play on a sunny afternoon! And it's all gone wrong.

This moment is chaotic and even a bit confusing. Not in the sense of what's happening — that is quite obviously a guy being hit by a car — but who the victims are, how precisely this came about, or even why we're meant to care about this beyond a generic capacity to feel for other human (fictional) beings... that's all removed. And it works. As the crash takes place, the camera pans across the stunned crowd and we, the viewer, become a part of that crowd. They don't know what precisely is going on either. We're all just horrified onlookers as a sudden tragedy takes place. We're all watching the same show.

So everyone realizes this guy has been hit. People are staring in shock and someone calls for an ambulance. We see the driver fall to his knees in the street, distraught, shakily saying, "I didn't mean to..." It's a very serious and emotional scene that —

— is immediately tempered by this guy waking up, complete with a cute 'pop!' sound effect when he opens his eyes.

This is YYH's brand, this Very Serious Circumstances skillfully interwoven with casual indifference/comedy. It's admittedly far from a unique brand, but it's an excellent choice given that this is the same attitude that will drive 99% of our protagonist's interaction with the world.

Speaking of said protagonist, our guy wakes up, opens his eyes, and realizes that he's floating. There's a great, disorientating shot from his perspective where everything is upside down, causing him to nearly fall out of the air. Well would you look at that, he's as confused as we are. It's our audience surrogate!

A narrator says, "And so it all begins. This boy's name is Yusuke, he's fourteen years old, and he's supposed to be the hero of this story. But oddly enough, he's dead."

Game of Thrones might have made it popular, but YYH did it better.

(Yeah, yeah, I know one death kick-starts the journey and the other is a shocking twist. Just let me have this.)

Now, it's a weird introduction, right? At least at the end. The announcement that change has occurred, a name, an age... that all checks out. But "supposed to be the hero"? What the hell is that “supposed to” mean? Our narrator gives us the easy, surface answer: "But oddly enough, he's dead." We're capitalizing here on the audience's expectation that death ends a character's journey and though they may have been a hero previously, they can no longer be one moving forward. That function within the story has passed. So it's this intriguing question of, "What kind of hero do you have when that hero is dead from the start?" but as we'll see soon, there's an additional meaning here of, "How can Yusuke be the hero?" As this premiere sets up, Yusuke doesn't act like the hero is “supposed to” act.

Until he saved this kid.

But right now he's just confused: "Okay, this is weird. Stupid weird."

Two EMTs arrive on the scene and are hilariously useless. You know how in any medical drama a doctor will stop CPR after a couple of seconds because obviously you're not going to spend half the episode on realism? Well, that's this only a thousand times worse. One guy just looks at the kid and announces he's fine except for some bumps and bruises. Meanwhile, the kid is sobbing.

"Well, at least one of them is," replies the other EMT, because I guess he can tell Yusuke is beyond hope without taking a pulse or anything? "I hate cleanup," he complains as they load his body onto a stretcher because that's? An empathetic response to have??

Honestly this scene is wild.

Yusuke is understandably upset that he's, you know, dead and all. He starts hounding the EMTs who, unable to hear him, just go about their business of taking the kid and his body to the hospital. "You think you can just do whatever you want because you have that stupid uniform on? You can't just write me off. Listen to me!" and Yusuke tries to punch one of the EMTs in the head, resulting in him floating right through.

What a great way to introduce your protagonist's personality. We see here that when things go wrong Yusuke's default emotion is anger and it starts creeping in even before he thinks the others are ignoring him: "Stupid weird." He has problems with authority — "You think you can just do whatever you want because you have that stupid uniform on?" — is used to others listening when he gets angry — "You can't just write me off!" — and is poised to use violence at the slightest provocation. Yusuke is a guy who, right now at least, is ready to punch first and ask questions later.

As Yusuke floats back up into the air and the ambulance drives away, he finally cools down enough to try and think his way out of this. "It's not like this is the first time you've been in a jam,” he thinks. Yusuke recalls that yeah, something was different about today...

...he actually went to school.

Catch me laughing that this idiot boy equates the weirdness of him dying with going to school. Good lord.

Anyway, this jumpstarts our flashback. We open on a generic, anime middle school (that always feels like a high school to me) where the principal is calling for Yusuke through the loud speaker. Oooo someone’s in trouble! We follow a young girl up to the rooftop and she gets a classic hair-blowing-in-the-wind moment to establish that she's our love interest. Meet Keiko Yukimura.

Keiko finds Yusuke hanging out and immediately starts lecturing him for trying to chew gum and refusing to wear the boys' uniform. "Oh, give me a break, Keiko. I look better in green." Note that it's here we learn her name and it's an easy, casual way to introduce it. I bring this up because Yusuke's introduction via our narrator is very much... not that. It's an on your nose statement about his name, age, and importance to the story, and if you're just starting the show in 2021, it might come across as a rather armature move. Like something out of a kid's show, perhaps. Yet here we see that this was a deliberate choice, considering that YYH is capable of introducing character information naturally when it wants to.

This moment also tells us that Yusuke cares a great deal about his image. More on that in a bit. Because Keiko isn't finished her list of grievances yet, going on to say that his attendance record has hurt their entire class, hurt her as class representative, and if he keeps going down this path he won't even graduate middle school. "Sometimes I think you don't care about anyone but yourself and then you don't even do that right!"

They're legit complaints. Too bad Yusuke is busy looking up Keiko's skirt.

Yeeeeah. Sadly, this is common for anime, particularly a 90s anime like YYH. Even presumably more progressive series like My Hero Academia feature characters like Mineta, whose entire personality is being a pervert, and the creation of abilities that "require" kids/young women to be scantily clad. See: Yaoyorozu. YYH is no different in this regard, with various forms of sexual harassment functioning as a shorthand for how much Yusuke secretly likes Keiko. "Boys will be boys," right? Obviously not.

Like so many others series, the creators get away with it because they’re framing it as a bad thing. It's totally fine because look, Keiko slaps him! This is teaching the viewer how wrong this behavior is. Never mind that this is clearly an established habit between them, that Yusuke laughs off Keiko's discomfort, and that the whole scene is meant to be funny for the viewer. That's the real purpose here; it’s not a PSA on harassment.

That, and to establish the long-suffering love Keiko has for Yusuke in turn, largely stemming from a life-long friendship. "Dumb boy! He hasn't grown up a bit since he was four years old." We see that Keiko's early interactions with Yusuke have given her insight that others lack. As she heads down from the roof she runs into two girls hiding around the corner, too scared to come out lest "the great Urameshi" set his sights on them. Isn't Keiko terrified of what he might do to her? "Or worse, what others might say of it?" Like any classic high school middle school setting, one's reputation is king. Yusuke cares about how others see him — maintaining that tough boy attitude — and the girls care more about what the rest of the school might think of Keiko's interactions with him than the presumed harm Yusuke could do to her. They heard he can summon 2,000 men with just a whistle and that he "kills for fun!" But that means nothing in the face of people talking about you. Despite being one of the most popular girls in school, Keiko is the outsider here via her disinterest in what other people think.

The animation changes here, giving us a good look at how the girls picture Yusuke: tough, scowling, surrounded by shadows, and backed by an entire army.

In contrast, we've already seen what Yusuke is really like.

Keiko laughs the image off too. Yusuke is more like a "lamb" than a killer and besides, he couldn't order around two people, let alone two hundred. "He doesn't have many friends."

"That's not what I heard," says one of the girls.

"Yeah," goes the other. "I think we would know."

Again, rumors rule here, with whispers in the hall considered more reliable than someone who interacts with Yusuke on a daily basis. Keiko doesn’t have a hope of changing their minds.

Oh, as a side note, I love that they gave Keiko Miyazaki-esque hair. It's very emotive.

Yusuke escapes outside where the principal is still calling for him to report to his office. He overhears a conversation around the corner and we cut to two boys, one of which is showing a wallet off to the other. He explains that some bully tried to rough him up, but he said he was Urameshi's cousin and the bully took off, dropping his wallet in the process. The guy's friend is impressed, but what is he going to do if Yusuke ever finds out he lied? Not to worry, he says, that "blockhead" would probably think it's true even if he did somehow hear.

Yusuke, obviously, does hear about this and he, also obviously, does not believe this guy is his cousin. He looms ominously and they scurry up against a wall, terrified and offering him the wallet as an apology.

"You think I want your money?" Yusuke yells.

YYH is, in many respects, a rather simple story, but I appreciate the hints of complexity in these otherwise straightforward interactions. It's not that this guy used Yusuke's name to steal a wallet, he used it as a form of protection against another bully — a far more sympathetic motivation. It's not that Yusuke's fearsome reputation has resulted in any genuine respect because once people think they're safe they reveal how little they think of his intelligence — he's a "blockhead." And Yusuke, though intimidating and violent, is not your average, schoolyard bully. He doesn't care about money, only the insult and the damage this guy using his name might have done to his reputation. There's a little more nuance here than you might otherwise expect.

Also, note how dark the boys' standard uniforms are and how much they blend into the rest of the world. Yusuke, as our protagonist, stands out in his bright clothing. He was right, he does look better in green!

So he's ready to clobber this kid when one of the teachers arrive: Mr. Iwamoto.

Iwamoto demands to know what's going on, but the boys are too terrified to rat Yusuke out. Noticing the wallet on the ground, he assumes that Yusuke was after their money, something that greatly offends him: "Whatever!" Iwamoto goes on to say that, "No good weeds like you should have been plucked a long time ago," making it clear that he considers Yusuke a hopeless case. The positive aspects that Keiko sees, as well as the complexity the viewer sees — to say nothing of his introduction of saving a kid — aren’t considered here.

Notably, Iwamoto exists in part to show us what Yusuke could become. Not a teacher (he's obviously not attending school enough for that!), but a cynical man who is cruel for cruelty's sake. Yusuke is already barreling down that path, ignoring Keiko's advice, terrorizing other students, trying to punch EMTs, etc. If his life (or afterlife...) hadn't changed through that accident, this is the kind of person Yusuke might have grown up to be, and we can see that clearly in the visual parallels between them. Dark haired men dressed in green who scowl with ease and toss out cutting insults. Yusuke is staring his future in the face.

For now he walks off with a final shot, "You shouldn't talk. It makes you sound stupid." This time Yusuke makes it to the school's entrance and tries to enjoy his second attempt at chewing gum, but someone hits him in the back of the head.

"Okay, somebody's DEAD — ah. Sorry, old man."

"That's Mr. Takenaka to you."

Our principal has finally left the office and hunted down Yusuke for himself! Putting this interaction immediately after the one with Iwamoto allows the viewer to compare them. Yusuke might be irreverent towards his principal, but it's clear there's still some kind of respect between them. Yusuke only starts threatening because he doesn’t realize who hit him and once he does realize it's Takenaka, he immediately apologizes. That "old man" comes across as a teasing insult and Yusuke allows himself to be briefly dragged back towards school, rather than throwing a now classic punch. In turn, Takenaka cares enough about Yusuke to try and keep him on the straight and narrow. He utilizes Yusuke's preferred language — violence — but in a casual way, nonthreatening way: slight hit to the back of his head, noogie, pulling him along by the ear.

It's the sort of physicality we're used to seeing in media between a parent and child who are outwardly antagonistic, but actually share a deep bond. Takenaka is also careful to frame their return to his office as a "discussion," not a punishment, and offers Yusuke tea along with the conversation. Whereas Iwamoto considers Yusuke to be a "weed" that should have been plucked from their school long ago, Takenaka is determined to help Yusuke bloom.

If we're continuing the flower metaphor :D

Yusuke isn't in the mood to play along though. He gets away by using a fake ear, startling Takenaka when it unexpectedly pulls free. Yusuke escapes the school grounds and Takenaka, suffering a back twinge from his fall, can't chase after him. Poor guy. I understand that pain lol.

Yusuke heads home where we're introduced to his mother, Atsuko. Most notable in her first shot is the soft lighting that highlights her looks. We're not told how old she is here, but I believe she's around 28 — and she looks it, if not younger. Given that Yusuke is 14, that means Atsuko was a mom at his age. This is a quick and subtle way to tell us about Yusuke's home life. There are more overt details in this scene — it's at least lunchtime and Atsuko hasn't left her bed yet, she demands that Yusuke make her coffee instead of greeting him, it's all meant to imply (before we actually see) that she's an alcoholic — but her age is another way to highlight the broken household here. There's no partner in sight and she clearly had Yusuke as a teenager. He hasn't had a strong parental figure to take care of him. If anything, Yusuke is taking care of Atsuko here.

"Oh great, mother of the year!" basically sums things up.

Atsuko wants to know why Yusuke isn't in school and he says that everyone is pissing him off today, particularly with their preaching. "Dear, if you hate preaching so much you should live on your own... but you can't do that, can you?" Alongside a rough upbringing, Yusuke is suffering from the common problem of being trapped in a dead-end life. He hates his school, his town, and coming home to find his mom hungover. Yusuke has no prospects and, outside of one principal, no one who is actively working to help him find some. Even the little things he hates, like being preached to, are unavoidable because if you want to live on your own, that requires money. Good luck pulling that off as a middle schooler whose only skill is street fighting!

Yusuke walks off in a huff, literally shouting in a street about what a bad day he's having (and hilariously scaring off pedestrians in the process). His shout brings trouble though. A couple guys appear to ambush him, their boss close behind. The music increases the tension, Yusuke's expression is serious, and we even get a Dutch angle thrown into the mix.

For any who don't know, the Dutch angle is a popular film technique to establish that something is wrong. There's tension in the scene, something uneasy is at play, and the world is now literally off center. It's perhaps most famously used in Do The Right Thing to establish the friction between an Italian-American pizzeria and the predominantly African American neighborhood it's based in.

But it's also used a great deal in horror as a way to say: yup, shit just got real. Scary real.

This Dutch angle introduces a character you may not appreciate at first, but absolutely should: Kazuma Kuwabara.

He's initially the comic relief and that's clear in his introduction. Within seconds we move from that intimidating arrival to, well, seeing him. To be clear, I've got nothing against redheads with big chins, but compared to Yusuke's design, Kuwabara is meant to be the funny looking one. His threat level plummets the moment we get a look at his face, especially in a series that will occasionally use looks as a (supposed) measure of intelligence.

Also, Kuwabara is dressed in light blue so, like Yusuke, we know he's important!

Any assumptions that his appearance isn’t meant to imply a goofy, embarrassing personality are put to rest when Kuwabara starts rambling about how they last time they fought Yusuke just got a cheap shot in and he'll definitely win this time. Yeah, he won't. Yusuke is thrilled by this diversion though and we get a shot of him looking almost as creepy as Keiko's friends think he is. Whatever else might be said about Yusuke, he is absolutely a monster in a fight.

Which we see here. If anyone picked up the series without knowing this was a fighting anime, they'll realize it now. Yusuke's choreography is stylized to show off his skill: he disappears with a 'whoosh' and dark lines to suggest inhuman speed,

attacking Kuwabara with a knee to the face, utilizes flying kicks, lands perfect, precision punches, and ends it all with the toe-tip landing we've come to expect of all powerful fighters. Kuwabara never even got a hit in.

Happy as a clam now, Yusuke wanders off whistling and Kuwabara's friends are left to pick up the pieces. AKA, his likely broken bones. I love that they're legit friends though and not just nameless goons for the sake of giving Kuwabara a small gang (though their names won't come up until later). "That makes 0 wins an 156 loses!" one of them cries, trying to get Kuwabara to stop ending up in the hospital, probably. We establish that Kuwabara is The Most Dramatic Ever when he pulls his broken body into a seated position, shouting, "No! I almost had him that time!"

Then he passes out.

Kuwabara, honey, you obviously did not almost have him, but god bless you for the outlook. The most optimistic thing on this Earth is a well-loved Golden Retriever, but Kuwabara comes in at a very close second.

With his dream to one day beat Yusuke in combat established, we cut to Yusuke wandering the street where the episode opened. "Okay, I'm remembering" he says in a voiceover. "After that I met the kid."

The soccer ball reappears as it rolls to a stop at Yusuke's feet. He grabs it and immediately starts yelling at the kid. Horrible protagonist, right? Well, Yusuke is trying to instill in him the danger of using this street as a playground, a worry the viewer already knows is 100% justified. “Listen, kid, that’s dangerous! There are cars going by that will splatter you into the pavement!” It's one of those quick moments where we get to enjoy Yusuke's duality: he's someone who is nearly making a toddler cry, but for rather understandable reasons. He's got the right idea, but needs to go about it in a more mature manner.

Which is precisely what he attempts to do. Sort of. Yusuke changes gears, though whether it's a more "mature" route is certainly up for debate lol. He tries entertaining the kid instead, raising and lowering the soccer ball to reveal goofy faces.

When these fail to impress, Yusuke goes full out by stuffing the ball into his pants, pushing his nose up with a pair of chopsticks he got from god knows where, and generally just putting on a display.

So Yusuke cares very deeply about his reputation... but only when it comes to those who are an established part of his life. Keiko, Mr. Takenaka, and the other kids at school all need to maintain a particular image of Yusuke, one that he's carefully cultivated. But random pedestrians on the street? Who cares about them? Let them talk.

This shows us that Yusuke does indeed have priorities over his own, selfish goals. Namely, the happiness of some kid is more important to him than looking "cool" for a bunch of strangers. Lots of characters with Yusuke's surface attitude would sneer at the idea of degrading themselves for — their words — some brat. But Yusuke, as we constantly see, actually does have that heart of gold. “Well, if all else fails I can still make kids happy.”

Although... I'm not sure what to make of his display itself. I have the distinct sense that there's something prejudiced here that I'm not able to fully articulate, what with the chopsticks, slanted eyes, bald head, and the like, though to be entirely frank I don't have enough knowledge of Japan's history to say precisely what it might be. Or, really, whether it exists at all. Just something to chew on.

What I am sure about though is the importance of having the child label Yusuke as monster — "Yeah, monster! — but in a delighted manner. Yusuke is indeed some kind a monster, someone who disappoints adults and terrifies his classmates, a demon fighter on the streets too, but here that identity is reworked into something positive.

Having successful secured a laugh, Yusuke tells the kid — calmly this time — to go play elsewhere. The toddler stares up at him with the blank expression only kids can manage.

Well, kids and whatever headspace I'm in after writing these metas.

To absolutely no one's surprise except Yusuke's, the kid does not go elsewhere. Instead, he continues kicking the ball down the street, causing Yusuke to exclaim, “Dammit, what’s the use? The kid can get smashed by a car for all I care!” Liar, liar.

The picture becomes desaturated as the kid kicks the ball and it flies into the street, time slowing down to show it landing precisely in the middle of the road. Yusuke again yells for him to stay put, but when has a toddler ever listened? He begins to walk into the road as our driver arrives, speeding, swerving, and paying more attention to the girl at his side than what's in front of him.

This time, we see the accident from the front with both Yusuke and the kid presented equally.

There's a cut to black and when we return we're in the present, Yusuke floating above the policemen now investigating the scene. “So that’s it? I’m roadkill?” As Yusuke realizes he's dead, specifically that he's a ghost, a voice goes,

"Bingo! Bingo! You win the prize!"

A woman has appeared who is quite obviously othered by the standards of the episode so far. Unlike the greens, blues, and browns of the series' modern clothes, she's dressed in hot pink kimono with blue hair to match. She's also, you know, floating on an oar.

“I didn’t expect you to figure it out so quickly," she says, referring to Yusuke's revelation that he's dead. Apparently, those who meet unexpected and/or violent ends tend to take some time coming to terms with their demise. It's a nice acknowledgment of Yusuke's intelligence in an interaction that's otherwise... not great for his self-esteem.

Meaning, this woman is about to drag him lol.

She introduces herself as Botan, pilot of the River Styx and guider of souls to the afterlife. You might also know her as the Grim Reaper.

(Hey, RWBY fans: I originally wrote that as Grimm Reaper 🤦‍♀️)

It's an claim Yusuke takes issue with because 1. Botan is too pretty to be the Grim Reaper and 2. If she was really some god of death she'd be taking this much more seriously, not laughing and saying, "Bingo!" For the audience this does two things. First, it acknowledges our own expectations and validates them. Yusuke's world isn't so far removed from our own that he takes Botan's looks and personality at face value, he also expected a skeleton with a scythe. So don't worry, all the weird stuff in this series is weird to our protagonist too. They'll be explanations. Or, even if there’s not, you’re not wrong for being surprised.

Second, it sets up the very common theme in YYH of undermining those common assumptions again and again and again. We've already seen it with Yusuke, wherein characters who look and act a certain way are, supposedly, destined to be that person and nothing more. Yusuke is meant to be just a "weed," a dumb, violent, angry loser who goes nowhere in life... but we already know he's more than that. Botan is supposed to be scary and serious, but she says nah, I want to be cute and bubbly instead. No character in YYH embodies who they're "supposed" to be when you look past those surface characterizations. They play the part of archetypes — and do keep certain parts of their expected personalities — but they're also far more well-rounded than that. Which yeah, is something most people expect from any story nowadays, but YYH is particularly adept at making you think you're watching Simple Show A only to turn around and surprise you with More Complex Show B.

It's great, trust me.

So Yusuke is pissed that Botan isn't adhering to those expectations, in the same way that he works hard to validate others expectations of him. He doesn't know how to deal with someone challenging his world view yet. Rather than angering Botan though, she just nods and says that this response makes sense for him. “Rather than being scared, or surprised, you yell a lot and tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about." Taking out a notebook, she quickly summarizes everything we learned in the flashback — minus Yusuke's complexities: he's fourteen, in middle school, is ill-tempered, violent, hates authority, and is a horrible student.

Typically, Yusuke responds by getting angry and trying to snatch the booklet out of her hands, only for Botan to pull it out of his reach, laughing. The tables have turned! Rather than being surrounded by people who cower at Yusuke's imposed authority, he now finds himself faced with someone who laughs at his transparent attempts to take control of the situation.

Calming down, Yusuke wants to know if the kid he saved is really alright and Botan offers to let him see for himself. That offer produces Yusuke's first, genuine smile.

They fly to the hospital where a doctor is in the process of giving the kid a clean bill of health, his mother crying with relief.

That's enough for Yusuke. “Alright, Botan, I’ve got no regrets, so you can take me to hell or wherever it is I’m going.”

That tells you all you need to know about Yusuke's self-worth, despite his bad boy attitude. His life is a dead-end as far as he can see and most of those around him haven't done anything to dissuade him of that idea. He says he doesn't care if the kid lives or dies, but then instinctively saves him. Post his death, Yusuke doesn't have anything he considers a regret, or anything he'd like to do before he leaves, like saying goodbye to a loved one. Oh, he's also pretty sure he's going to hell and has resigned himself to that without a fight.

Uplifting!

Botan just laughs though, saying that she's actually here to offer Yusuke an "ordeal" that could bring him back to life. See, he wasn't supposed to die today — let alone die saving a kid — and frankly they don't know what to do with him. It's another neat summary of what we've already learned: Yusuke is a far more complicated case than the afterlife assumed and now, when push comes to shove, deciding whether he belongs in heaven or hell is... muddled.

There's a fantastic story there about the problems with an afterlife that reduces a person's entire life to a few surface characteristics recorded in a book, refusing to acknowledge the context of their situation, or their capacity for change. “Run someone with your credentials a thousand times and they never would have saved a kid like that." Except, of course, Yusuke did save him, so those "credentials" are suspect, to say the least. However, YYH is not a story that explores these issues. Instead, I recommend you watch this!

Rather than being upset at the afterlife's low opinion of him (because let's be real, Yusuke shares it), he latches onto a little detail Botan let slip. If he wasn't supposed to die today... then was the kid?

Mmm... no. Actually, without the chaos of Yusuke jumping into the road, the driver would have swerved at the last second and the kid would have not only lived, but actually come out with one less scrape.

So Yusuke is obviously upset by this news! I would be too!! Holy shit, hang onto the "it's the thought that counts" message with everything you've got.

Also, don't think too much about the fact that the afterlife apparently knows exactly what will happen to people, down to how many cuts they accumulate in an accident. Also, don't think too much about where the afterlife foreseeing the crash begins and the unexpectedness of Yusuke interfering ends. That way lies madness. This will never come up again, so just let it go.

Sorry, 2013 me hijacked the post for a second.

As said, Yusuke is understandably upset by this revelation and as he fumes I'm reminded that this series likes to pull some amazing expressions.

Botan reiterates that it's all fine because Yusuke can come back to life. Weren't you listening? He should feel honored, in fact, considering that an offer like this only arrives every 100 years or so. Well, that explains why all of humanity isn't grappling with people coming back to life on the daily. One person every generation isn't going to cause much of a stir.

However, instead of jumping at the chance Yusuke announces that Botan is just like the teachers at school: she doesn't know what she's talking about. “You said yourself my life was kind of pathetic, right?” he says, going on to explain that everyone will be happier now that he's dead. His school won't have to deal with his behavior, Keiko won't have to nag him, and his mom will be able to party whenever she wants. It's a win-win for everyone involved.

Hmm, this feels familiar.

Don't worry, Yusuke doesn't need to experience a whole alternate reality to get the message.

“I’m sorry you feel that way at such an early age," Botan says and she is sorry, because despite her teasing nature that's a legitimately horrifying thing to believe. Yusuke won't budge though and after a little back-and-forth Botan leaves, telling Yusuke he should think it over while visiting his wake. She'll come back once he decides what to do.

“Do you have worms in your ears, lady? I did decide!” but Botan is long gone.

We cut to that night where Yusuke has indeed decided to attend his own wake. Maybe because of Botan's advice, maybe because he's just morbidly curious. We’re not given insight into the decision.

Atsuko is a mess, to put it mildly, not dressed for the occasion and sitting slumped against the way, staring vacantly as the guests offer their condolences. Yusuke is surprised by the fact that his entire class is here, but quickly writes them off when he sees two of the boys laughing. I'm on the fence about this detail, which I'll unpack in just a second.

First though, Yusuke sees Keiko exiting the house, inconsolable in her grief. She collapses on the ground with her two friends trying to offer comfort, despite the fact that they had nothing good to say about Yusuke himself. Good on them.

Before he can think too long on this though, Yusuke is distracted by Kuwabara's arrival. Unlike Keiko's crying, he expresses his grief through yelling. Specifically, yelling at Yusuke. For dying. For daring to "run away." His own friends are physically holding him back as he charges into the wake, screaming, “Who am I gonna fight now, huh? Who am I gonna fight?" It's not really about the fighting, of course. At least, not the fighting alone. "You’re supposed to be here for me," Kuwabara finishes, the punch he's thrown at Yusuke's photo going limp and catching his first tear.

You know, for all the goofy expressions, this show really is gorgeous. Just wait until we get to the fight animations.

Kuwabara's reaction is why I hesitate to write off the classmates like Yusuke has. Granted, we have no reason to believe that they care for him as Kuwabara does — they're nameless background characters defined only by their terror of "the great Urameshi" — but it's still a split second taken out of context. We don't know what they were laughing at, or if laughing is a part of their grief. God knows I personally laugh at the most inappropriate moments. If you tell me someone has just died there is a very good chance I will laugh awkwardly as I try to process that. It’s just a reflex. All of which I bring up not because these side characters are important, but because Yusuke's perception of his own worth is. The point of each of these moments is to show that those around him have always cared for him, even if Yusuke didn't notice. It's nice to think that extends to his classmates too. The variety likewise exists to show us how people grieve differently, with Kuwabara's friends not understanding that this is how he's working through the trauma: “This place is for mourning!” He is mourning, even if his way of mourning isn't as socially acceptable as Keiko's. So if screaming and throwing punches is valid, crying is valid, staring stoically in a drunk stupor is valid... why not laughter too?

Not likely, perhaps, but possible.

As an additional possibility to chew on, watching this premier again, it struck me how more emotional Kuwabara's scene is compared to Keiko's. Don't get me wrong, crying and calling Yusuke’s name gets the point across, but it's two seconds of generic grief compared to a much longer scene rife with intensity. When Kuwabara arrives the music swells and everyone is forced to pay attention to him. His grief is loud, violent, and given symbolism with his fist and the photo. There's more effort put into his reaction, frankly, so it wouldn't surprise me if fans started shipping them after this. That grief combined with an "enemies to lovers" possibility is a pretty potent mix. To be clear, Yusuke/Keiko is the (oh so obvious) canonical endgame and in the fandom Yusuke/Kuwabara can't compare to another slash ship that will turn up later, but this is a good example of how writers can craft some Very Gay Scenes without realizing it. When you have the girl crying prettily for a second and the guy absolutely losing his mind over Yusuke's death, questioning his purpose now, his support network, and then collapsing in grief... don't be surprised if your audience goes, "Oh hey, maybe they'd be a good couple instead."

But I digress.

The only people who are unquestioningly happy about Yusuke's passing are Mr. Iwamoto and his co-conspirator, Mr. Akashi. You know Akashi is another bad guy because he has bucked teeth and "ugliness" is an easy way to code for evilness. YYH is not immune to those mistakes :/

These two are really something else though, standing in the middle of a wake and claiming it's “too bad that car wasn’t big enough for them too," referring to Kuwabara and his friends. Wow! What stellar members of the academic community. Iwamoto goes on to say that Yusuke dying at least accomplished something good. Not, mind you, saving the life of a child, but rather looking good for their school's reputation. Akashi agrees, but says it's likely Yusuke only accidentally saved him while trying to steal the kid's lunch money. Remember, that accusation of theft is the one thing Yusuke has said outright that he does not do.

He's pissed listening to all this — wouldn't you be? — but knows by now he can't do anything about it. In another fantastic shot, Yusuke hovers his hand over Iwamoto's shoulder, desperate to grab him, when Takenaka's arrives there instead.

“What do you suppose is more disgraceful? That boy showing his misery, or your insensitive and idiotic words!”

HELL YEAH. You tell 'em, Mr. Takenaka.

Yusuke gets his third shock of the night at this passionate defense. Takenaka leaves the teachers to go pay his respects, but admits to Yusuke's picture that he just can't speak well of him. He was surprised to hear that Yusuke gave up his life for another and it's a fact that he acted selfishly. Though he doesn't say it in as many words, Takenaka explains that he's not grieving because Yusuke was a good person, but because it's so clear to him that he might have been. “Why didn’t you stay? You could have made something great out of yourself.”

Normally, "Why didn't you stay?" is just something for the living to grapple with, as the dead obviously don't have any say in what happens to them. But Yusuke does. It's here that the lighting grows soft again and Yusuke considers Takenaka's words. Keiko and Kuwabara grieve for who he was, but Takenaka grieves for who Yusuke could have been — someone that might still exist if Yusuke decides to undergo this ordeal.

Atsuko adds fuel to the emotional fire, breaking down and hiding her face in her knees.

Finally, the kid Yusuke saved arrives with his mother. Because yes, Yusuke saved him in every way that matters, considering no one else knows — or will know — that he'd have lived anyway. I like that the show doesn't allow that knowledge to undermine the emotion of their arrival, or what Yusuke’s act meant to them.

The mom tells her son to pay his respects and the kid thanks Yusuke for saving him, and for "making faces." He clearly doesn't get what's going on here. This is confirmed as the two leave and he asks his mom if he can play with Yusuke again tomorrow. “I know some people sounded angry at him, but he’s really nice!"

They're probably just crying because they want to play with him too, he thinks, which just makes his mom join in. Everyone is crying in this club tonight.

Those words are the cincher for Yusuke and with a brief montage of all the grief he's witnessed, he makes his decision.

We cut to later that night where Yusuke floats above the city, admiring the moon. Botan reappears and he asks, “Have you ever not known about something that seemed obvious to everyone else?” Yes, everyone has experienced that at one point or another. She asks if he's made his decision and Yusuke agrees to try and come back to life.

Emotional revelations out of the way, we're allowed another tone shift as Botan yells with joy, speeding off and causing Yusuke to grab hold of the end of her oar, lest he be left behind. Cranky as always, he demands to know where they're going. "To the spirit world, of course!" They're off to see someone who can explain the ordeal and give Yusuke the tool needed to complete it. Just hang on and enjoy the ride.

Thus ends our very first episode! Ah, the nostalgia. This is part one of a four arc series, with the anime cutting out a lot of the filler stories found at the start of the manga — a smart decision, I think. They primarily do the work of teaching Yusuke what he learned at the wake, so if you can accomplish that as quickly as the adaptation did, all the better. Especially since Yusuke needs to grow a great deal beyond the basic understanding that people might, sort of care for him, and that work will occur primarily through a job he's going to take on. The series isn't really about his death and it's not about an attempt to come back either — it's about what happens once you get that second chance. So this is the setup, but it's important setup all the same.

No need to skip ahead though. I've blathered enough for one recap. I hope you enjoyed and I'll see you when the writing gods next bless me with energy! 💜

#YYH #Yu Yu Hakusho #YYH recaps #mymetas

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