#it's the fact that I also give myself more time to be critical and judgemental

[skibasyndrome]

why do fics get harder to write the longer I give myself time to write them 😭

[rockinhamburger]

What exactly is empathy?

Back with more Nate meta - shocker! At a basic level, empathy is about widening our perspective to understand where someone is coming from. It doesn’t mean actions taken are acceptable or justified, but it’s an exercise in looking for insight and extending compassion. One thing I’ve noticed can go missing in analysis of Nate’s choices is the limited POV he has throughout the show. People are quick to judge him for his reasoning in the latter half of S2 without recognizing that he’s missing crucial insights, often because he is not in the scene which would provide it. I want to highlight a few examples that I think show this limited POV and, hopefully, indicate where he deserves some grace.

Of course, a straightforward example of this is the picture Nate gave to Ted for Christmas. Nate couldn’t help but notice it’s not hanging in Ted’s office, and that became emblematic to Nate of the abandonment he was feeling. We the viewers know that Ted has the picture on his bedroom dresser next to his picture of Henry. Nate doesn’t know this; he has a limited POV, so in my view it’s a lot kinder and more empathetic to give him grace on that one. But what tends to happen is that a detail like that gets sublimated into justification to continue criticizing Nate. For instance, instead of feeling sorry for Nate, feeling compassion for his limited perspective in that moment, the thinking becomes judgemental and defensive: Why should Ted display it in his office? Ted doesn’t owe Nate that. Nate needs to get over himself.

People tend to be similarly hard on Nate for the moment in 2x11 when he says, “There we go. Give Ted another idea he’ll take all the credit for.” We have a wider perspective than Nate does. We know that Ted doesn’t take the credit; in fact, Ted credited Nate for his decoy play back in 1x03. It’s a great moment that shows us Ted’s integrity - he doesn’t take the credit for that, even when Trent Crimm is audibly horrified that Ted would entrust such a thing to the kit man. It adds to our growing love for Ted as a character.

But crucially, Nate doesn’t hear a lick of it. Nate is yards away kicking dog shit off the field. His POV is limited in the scene, so he entirely misses that lovely moment of Ted giving him the credit. We’re also privy to the article Trent writes at the end of the episode, and he doesn’t mention in there that Nate came up with the play. Why would Nate have any idea that Ted gives him the credit?

“That’s the job, son,” Roy says to Nate. Putting aside that they’re roughly the same age, so it’s more than a little condescending, this comment from Roy doesn’t address the void Nate’s feeling of validation and approval from Ted. In 2x12, Nate says, “And I... I worked my ass off, trying to get your attention back. To prove myself to you. To make you like me again.” I wish people would take these words at face value instead of using them to continue justifying uncharitable readings of Nate’s behaviour. I wish more people would put themselves in Nate’s shoes and imagine for a moment what it felt like to be in the sunlight of Ted’s kind, supportive attention in S1 only to feel like he’d done something to lose it. Imagine wondering what you did wrong to lose the attention and care of the kindest, sweetest man you’ve had the fortune of meeting. Nate is feeling Ted’s absence so keenly by the time he lets it all out in 2x12. He feels invisible and occasionally even outright replaced. Ted laughs at the idea of him being a big dog, and god, that has to sting so much, and then he brings Roy in as coach. People are quick to gloss over this moment, but it’s a crucial one for understanding how twisted up Nate is starting to feel. If he truly thinks Ted doesn’t like him anymore, then imagine what it felt like for him to be the subject of Ted’s laughter and for Ted to subsequently bring in someone he wouldn’t laugh at? And in the episodes following, Ted’s giving Roy the attention Nate craves as the wins pile up, and to top it off, those wins are largely attributed to the Roy Kent Effect.

Ted isn’t there for Nate’s big moment of glory in 2x06. We know why he wasn’t because we got a lot of Ted’s backstory. Nate didn’t. He has no idea what Ted’s going through. One big takeaway from the show is that we don’t know what the people in our lives are going through, and that’s another reason to be kind and empathetic to each other. So yes maybe Nate should have been able to connect some of the dots, particularly once Ted confessed he’d had a panic attack. Maybe he could have given Ted some grace, but clearly Nate was going through some of his own toxic stuff that made him miss a few things, just like Ted. And really, it’s not like people are giving Nate grace given what we know of his struggles. Nate doesn’t realize the extent of Ted’s mental health struggles because Ted doesn’t let him in on it, just like Ted doesn’t realized the extent of Nate’s feelings of abandonment.

One moment I find so brilliant for highlighting just how much Nate wanted specifically Ted’s validation and approval (to make you like me again) is the fact that Roy gives Nate credit and validation for his big win. He tells Rebecca the win was all Nate (but, crucially, Nate isn’t in the room for that) and then afterward he says, “Oy, Nate, great fucking work today.” I think to Nate it feels more like getting validation from a friend or brother. It’s the kind of thing we like to imagine will make a difference and build us up, but usually it doesn’t quite do the trick, not when it isn’t coming from the person we most want it from - in Nate’s case, Ted, and on a deeper level, his father.

In 1x07, when Ted is at one of his lowest points in the series, he lashes out at Nate. We know why he did. We understand that he has to sign his divorce papers, to essentially quit his marriage, which kicks up a bunch of his emotional triggers around quitting due to feeling like his father abandoned him. We also know he’d been drinking. So, we give Ted plenty of grace in that moment because we have the full picture. Nate doesn’t. Of course, Ted apologizes for treating Nate like that the next time he sees him and Nate forgives him instantly. It’s a lovely moment that again showcases what a thoughtful character Ted is, that he can earnestly apologize. But it’s also a lovely moment that shows Nate’s capacity for understanding and forgiveness when he’s been wronged.

As has been discussed a lot since the end of S2 aired, this conversation outside the locker room in 1x07 is the last time Ted and Nate have a one-on-one conversation before the scene in 2x12. I think it’s easy to overlook this turning point in their relationship and to think that everything’s been patched up in the apology, but the damage from that moment in front of Ted’s hotel room is substantial. I did everything I could to make you like me again. I can’t help feeling like Nate looks back on that night in Liverpool and feels that was the moment everything changed, the moment the attention started to shift, when Ted stopped liking him.

I wish more people would extend to Nate the same compassion we gave Ted following his angry outburst at Nate in 1x07. We all make meaning from the limited perspective we have. Nate was lacking important insight throughout much of S1 and S2, and that was compounded by feelings of inadequacy and abandonment. And I think when it comes down to it, Ted knows exactly how that feels. Empathy widens perspective. Ted’s not going to bask in schadenfreude; he’s going to extend empathy and compassion because he gets where Nate is coming from. He won’t take his pain out on Nate, even though Nate did that to him, and if we admire Ted’s capacity for forgiveness and understanding, this is the test of our own.

I hope fandom can rise to the occasion in S3.

[deuterosapiens]

Umm. Okay book. Chill out please.

I've obviously made a few errors in judgement. Ignored facts which would quite simply have been extremely obvious had I not been exhausted when I started reading. I do not intend to do that again.

I made a critical error in assuming the beginning of this book was Robbie's backstory, that these events took place prior to him joining the Bennett Pack. I've been proven quite wrong, which is making this entire thing so much worse than it already is.

Ezra is Robert Livingstone. Great. Excellent. Time to pull out a personal favorite of mine. First, I get to mark-off "Ezra will die or betray Robbie" from the Bingo Card. Second, say it with me Pack:

Fuck Ezra!

Got that out of my system, feeling better already. I'm at the roughly one-quarter mark which means that Robbie is going insane due to Ezra (if I have to continually distinguish Goodest Boi Robbie from Robert Livingstone in writing, I'll give myself a headache, so for the duration of Heartsong, he's Ezra, so that I can avoid the Robbie/Robert mix-up I'll inevitably slip-up on), and we have the Bennet Boys! Yay us!

Why did I have to find out the hard way, off screen, that Kelly and Robbie were officially mated? I wanted more awkward courting hijinks, dammit!

This reevaluation of the timeline, however, has the delightful side-effect of telling me that Brodie is safe, and he is not, as I had assumed, an earlier example of Livingstone's Tether corruption magic. That's a relief.

I'm also now required to reassess what's actually going on here with Alpha Bitch Hughes. So this obviously follows the Bennett Alphas' declaration of war, which makes her motivations with Robbie even more concerning.

Because I feel like I will not have a chance to do this again later, seeing Dale stripped of his magic does bring me joy. Because, as always:

Fuck Dale

Since I have to go to work shortly, I guess I won't be able to watch Robbie get his brain unscrambled, but that's the price we pay, I suppose.

Fucking werewolves.

[plasmasimagination]

Um, hi! I hope you're doing well! I saw your match up event and I'd like to request a Genshin and HSR match up (if you still can ofc, I don't wanna force it owo). I don't really wanna be paired with any of the female characters (as much as I love em, I perceive them more as best friends or sisters than possible lovers, if that makes sense—).

1. My pronouns are she/her. My MBTI is ENFP.

2. I hope you don't mind if I give you more than my big 3 in Astrology, since the planets up until Saturn (especially Venus, since it's in conjunction with my Sun, and Saturn, since it's in conjunction with my Rising) are pretty prominent for me. My Sun is in Aries ♈️, my Moon is in Leo ♌️, and my Rising is in Cancer ♋️. My Mercury is in Aries ♈️ as well (natal retrograde), my Venus is in Pisces ♓️, my Mars is in Aquarius ♒️, my Jupiter is in Libra ♎️ (natal retrograde), and my Saturn is in Cancer ♋️ and a few degrees away from my Rising.

3. As for my appearance, I have a height of 147cm (idk what it is in inches and feet, but it's pretty short, I know, it runs in our family), and I'm on chubby side when it comes to my body, but I sure as hell don't have an hourglass body shape. I have wavy-ish black hair (currently experiencing some form of hair loss tho) that reaches just above my chest. I also wear glasses and my fingernails are often short because I bite them.

4. A lot of who I am is influenced by the fact that I have ADHD (mostly hyperactive/impulsive presentation), so I tend to be restless and hyperactive, energetic and talk excessively, sensitive and emotional (emotional dysregulation go brr haha). I have pretty strong opinions about a lot of things (mostly politics and social issues), but I'd be open to discussion that could possibly change my mind unless I consider the view to be morally or wholly wrong with regards to other people.

I consider myself to be intuitive and able to sense even the slightest change of emotion or energies within someone or in a room, wanting to be the one to support, comfort, and advise someone when they need it. Idk, I like feeling needed and wanted by others. I'm pretty expressive with my emotions and can become easily vulnerable and share/be open about them to others. I do know that I often don't like being told what to do or how to feel, in addition to becoming defensive, closed-off, and silent after being given certain criticism/comments.

5. As for what my friends think about me, they probably find me a bit too overwhelming, especially when I become too restless and overthink and about tasks, but I'm also kind of the mom friend in my friend groups, trying to be a lil level-headed and making sure everyone doesn't get into too much trouble. I'm also pretty affectionate with them, saying how much I appreciate and love them often, confiding to them about how I feel and vice versa. I enjoy showing and giving love to the people I care about, and sometimes I get scared that I'm too annoying or that I'm overwhelming.

6. Other info about me is that I love playing games, designing, and learning in general. My love languages are words of affirmation and quality time. Because of my diagnosis and my experiences in life, I'd like someone who'll make me feel at ease, someone who won't judge or limit me, but instead support and be patient with me, especially when I (inevitably) fuck up. I like being reassured and having healthy communication okay—

I hope this isn't too much— Thank you so so much in advance, and please take care, wherever you currently are! Sending lots of energy and appreciation your way! 🥹🫶

Heyy sweetheart

.

.

.

ALBEDO

Albedo is calm and analytical, he's a non judgemental being and always open to learn more about his sweetheart

Similar to you, he enjoys learning and designing, he's very open to any new knowledge, so there could be mutual conversations about different topicd

Albedos calm nature can provide you with reassurance, his patient and quiet attitude can provide you with a comfortable feeling without feeling overwhelming

He's willing to support and encourage your interests.

When combining this with his love for words of affirmations, it creates a comfortable environment all around.

As an alchemist, he appreciates you sharing your thoughts and feelings, opening an environment of healthy communication.

JING YUAN

Jing yuan, the perfect man

He's incredibly good at communication and reading people

He's the type of person that you could tell everything that bothers you without feeling like he's gonna judge you or disregard your feelings

He's a general, meaning he's dealt with a lot of new people at the job, he's got more than enough patience and rarely gets frustrated or mad

His love languages are mostly words of affirmations and physical touch

His sweet words and soothing voice could make anyone fall to their knees

Jing yuan is someone you can love for an eternity and he'll never get enough of it, his heart is always open and he'll definitely rainprocrate your love and offer you the same if not more back

[repldemiurge]

i finally watched the little dust up losses (both to the lovely ozmaneku)

hoooooo girl were those tough to watch back. The pace of our three sets was interesting (and indicative).

Nail-bitingly close Winner's Finals, Nail-bitingly close Grand Finals, then the GF Reset, where the first two games both went to round 5, and the third game was an utter wash, giving neku the 3-0.

But first I wanna give Neku his flowers. He was great about varying his dandy options. All four buttons were on the table, every time. Lots of F10 slayers never bunker during a blockstring, because it's minus a trillion right? So it's a little easier to just jump/mash on their dandy steps, but neku representing that option got me to respect so much more dandy pressure, leading to lots of repeated mixups I otherwise didn't need to take. He also wasn't shy about spending on YRC, and bursting in places I wasn't able to block. He had a fantastic sense for when he could mappa in neutral, or just kind of walk up, 2S, and get his party started.

I ran out of gas. No two ways about it. During the reset you can almost pinpoint the exact moment where I just give up. There were TWO critical lapses in discipline that I lost that could have secured me the win.

First: Dandy Step - At some point I, through sheer dumb luck, successfully mashed 5P against master's hammer. This was the worst victory I've ever had, because it convinced me for the rest of the set that I was capable of doing this consistently. I, of course, am not. 5P is not Gio's answer to master's hammer. Neutral jumping it is of course, a great option that is fast enough to do reactively. I did this sometimes! Though not with the reward I need to get after the fact. But more critically, I didn't use 623S enough! I had specifically practiced this option against various dandy step setups, and it's surprisingly potent! In the corner, it actually beats ALL FOUR followups to K-dandy. Yes, even bunker! Now the problem was a lack of my trust in my execution, and the difficulty of dealing with crossups. Nonetheless, I fail 5P so frequently here. I also did not act decisively after successful blocks against dandy high/low. Slayer is -2 after each of these, and I was either letting him take a free turn, or trying to do WAY too much in those two frames, and getting blown up. Second: Neutral - I totally lost control of pacing at some point. neku rarely did anything besides 2S, mappa, and air buttons in neutral, and I had no patience in spacing, or reacting to the more committal options (mappa and airdash in particular). Slayer gets excellent reward off of his neutral wins, but much like fighting I-No, i would have benefited greatly from slowing down, and frustrating his attempts to getting his gameplan running. Once I scored a KD, i certainly had the offense to get the job done.

Kind of.

The drops were horrible. At least two of them commentary actually mentioned "why is gio facing that way?", "where did that sideswap come from?". Gio combo physics is the realm of the gods after all. But I really really needed to be able to tell myself at some point during the set, "hey. You're trying for your high level combos and setups, and your nerves are not gonna let you have those right now. Pare it back to basics, and run what you can do consistently." So to my final point, on the night of, what practical step could I have taken to win? Time. Out. After losing the second game of the reset (or plenty of other game losses during the sets tbh), I needed to back out to the room, take 30 seconds to walk around the room, organize my breathing, and tell myself these kinds of basic affirmations and precepts. Slow down. Do what works. Don't get flashy with it.

Instead, I let my heated emotional state override my better judgement, and I got more and more unstable, until you can see me just fucking give up in game 3 of the reset.

Now, the good news is, is I addressed a lot of these problems by DU19, and finally broke Top 4! Ironically, this makes me the first person to compete in LDU and graduate without winning it. But I think this loss to neku was an important one. It showed me some problems I was having in game, and some things to work on in the coming weeks. But more importantly it showed me the issues i have with actually closing out a tournament. The mindset, adjustments, and behaviors that don't win you rounds, they win you medals. So that's what I have to take away from all this.

I keep getting stronger.

[namorslutfanfiction]

I told my friends that this whole situation was giving scorned woman or she’s being used to bring him down since many hate him in Mexico & look what happened!! I’m a SA survivor myself what she did was absolutely disgusting!! I think they were sex buddies but Tenoch said dating to be nice & she wanted more! I also think she’s an opportunist who thought he’d bring her out in public to make her status go up & when it didn’t happen she’s been pissed ever since! He said he had to get legal help a few months ago so that tells me he knew she would try something! Plus she’s a fraud & scam artist cause her music isn’t going anywhere! I think Tenoch told her from day 1 what it was, tried to give her some grace, maybe even pay for her to go away but she couldn’t let go! Any time someone regardless of gender goes to social media instead of the police or a lawyer I look at them funny cause what could social media do but give an opinion?! And then she blocked reporters who wanted to hear from her & told her followers there’s no need to rush when asked for evidence! This bitch is crazy & I hope Tenoch sues her for everything! Funny how she’s been quiet so maybe he sent her a cease & desist letter! #teamtenoch! ✊🏾

Honestly, I wouldn't go so far as to accuse her of a bunch of stuff, although she has done some questionable things. Like her accusation, there is no proof that any of us have to say she is seeking money, fame, or vengeance.

Some of her actions have been suspicious like the timing of her accusation, the platform she used, and her reluctance to go into any detail.

But there is still however no solid proof from either side.

I was directing my ire more at people willing to believe anything they read on the internet rather than having any critical thought or logical thinking.

Tenoch mentioned that she was already defaming him in their social circles which is probably why he was already in contact with lawyers. He's been under media attack constantly and fears for the safety of his family. Whether or not he suspected that she would go to social media has not been concluded.

As both an SA survivor and a witness to false assault claims, I firmly believe that judgement can only be made once all facts are laid out. Whether she did this out of spite or it really was lascivious will be revealed.

Until then please don't allow anger or anxiety to ruin your day. Right now this is a badly executed fight that we are watching on the sidelines.

[jackmanifold-daily]

Callout post for every single mod on this godforesaken blog *explosions*

For too long have I been dealing with these unforgivable people. If you still support this blog after what I'll reveal, I don't care.

For years I have been gathering evidence of the other mods being scum of the earth. Everything they said is here out and plain. I do not wish to continue the cycle of violence anymore or be part of this.

MOD STRAD:

WARNINGS: food gore, Luigi, food poisoning

These screenshots paint a horrible picture of the person many of you know and love. Our most recent addition, Mod Strad, has managed to deface this earth with this horrid creation in the few months he's been around already.

MOD SNALZ:

Warnings: J/////ackity (Ja//ck x Q*ckit*), tntduokiss

Jackity is a highly problematic ship on its own already. Jack and Quackity basically never interact on DSMP and forcing two people who never interact to kiss is literally so weird. BUT KETTLE HAD TO MAKE IT WORSE and make this a tntduokiss redraw, making it both art theft AND a reference to the most problematic ship out there. CANCELLED.

MOD KEY(S):

Warnings: doesn't know what forums are

Ok nobody be mean to Key(s) for this one but it's kind of problematic. How do you not know what forums are. Like the internet forums. Hell even the greek forums? Really? Don't go after Key(s) or harass slime for this, just beware.

MOD PEP:

Warnings: homophobia

Pep has admitted to not shipping anyone with c!Jack. Which is honestly really suspicious. I don't care for their reasoning for this, just the fact that they won't involve c!Jack Manifold in any homosexual ships just rubs me the wrong way. And also there's the quackbur comment again which I have explained is problematic already.

MOD TEA:

Warnings: spoilers for DSMP lore, Greek religion

Ruined the hopes we had for a lore stream in 2021. Pretty obvious what's wrong with this. Highly irresponsible use of the gift of prophecy and xe should apologize and take responsibility for this.

MOD CASEY:

Warnings: homophobia, misogyny

This one juts straight up has undeniable confirmed evidence. There is no more context to this. He just says this to us every day every morning all the time and I have to deal with this and nobody else seems to have an issue with this?????

MOD LUIGRA:

Warnings: epic (awesome), mpreg

Didn't think I would give a callout for every mod here and leave myself out, did you? Because I have done some despicable stuff as well. In fact, I have done so much horrible stuff you could call me out on that it's not even going to fit in this post. Just trust me dude.

As a conclusion, use your own judgement and critical thinking skills and happy April Fools! <3 Thank you for the support for this blog guys, this friend group is one of the best ones I've ever had and wouldn't trade anything for the other mods. Peace and love

[keef-a-corn]

This is just me venting

Shoutout to that one person from Instagram that absolutley ruined me ✌️😚

Like thanks babe, I needed to be taken down a peg

Now I thrive with the sheer amount of anxiety I get when it comes to sharing and chatting

Love the way you made me scared to share posts I found that are over a couple months old, or how I get really nervous telling stories that involve anyone outside of the person I’m chatting with.

Love the way you ruined my New Year’s Eve a couple of years ago, making me break down and cry for about an hour because when you told me about an experience I had aligned it with ADHD traits (after being very open about the fact that I have ADHD) and not only did you get mad at me for even implying you have ADHD, but you made me feel extremely insecure about having it myself.

Let’s not forget the way you lashed out at me when I asked you a question about an artwork (it was ‘where’s [X] standing?’ Because the scaling and everything looked incredibly off and I just wanted to understand what was happening)

How about when I got too nervous to share an experience with a creator because I was young, they were older than me, they had more friends, we had been in an argument for about a year, and I couldn’t physiologically take it anymore, then we resolved the issue and you deadass got mad at me.

Oh wait, no.. it was also earlier than that, when you called them something like toxic and I told you that I had never considered them like that before (as in it never clicked for me that they were toxic) and you stopped talking to me and when you did it was just to tell me off- as if I wasn’t the victim in the situation and wasn’t the one that couldn’t recognise how greatly this person had affected me.

The endless uncalled for venting?

OH! How about that time I showed you a drawing and instead of giving any praise or feedback you didn’t mention the drawing and instead asked why I still made Gacha Content, so I gave you a full list on why I do it and your reply was something like ‘Nevermind’ and I asked you why you asked and you still haven’t told me to this day.

What about when I helped you find disgusting CountryHuman art and artists to report, then a few days later you message me saying we can’t be friends anymore if I still like countryhumans, not even just informing me that you don’t like it and giving me the option to leave the fandom or stop being your friend.

Reminiscing on when I got super excited and nervous because I messaged and artist I adored, then we got to chatting and it was super exciting for me, so you actively searched for any reason to hate that artist, and when you found one, I had suggested I can simply ask them to edit the post and remove it, so that it wouldn’t be a hassle, but you kept saying not to bother.

I messaged them anyway, suggesting to remove it and they were more than happy to do so because they’re a normal fucking person who recognised that maybe it wasn’t the best decision, then you got mad at me??

How about when you were super judgemental of my ship [this was countryhumans btw] between Australia and Germany, while you shipped America and Australia. Then my reasoning of just enjoying the places and knowing that there’s peace between them was never enough??

I could never come to you with dramas from my life because you’d either ignore me the whole day, or you’d try to one up me.

Anytime I said anything that upset you, you wouldn’t talk to me for, minimum, an hour, which would leave me stressing and apologising.

These all greatly affected me because now I:

Rarely share and promote posts that are older than a few months, seeing it as me embarrassing myself (I want to get past this, because I know sharing and enhancing with posts are important on platforms)

Get nervous discussing ADHD with people who aren’t diagnosed and feel like I have to purely mention the good things, rather than the everything.

Think I criticise too harshly and feel like no one can use my critics and that they’re useless.

Fortunately I don’t get into a lot of creator drama, but if I do, it takes a while to get support.

Now I get nervous to vent at all. Never wanting to put pressure on being listened to.

I just.. I think about that regularly…

Now I get scared to tell people I’m NOT in a fandom anymore. Never told my ex partner I didn’t like Countryhumans anymore.

Now I get nervous reaching out to creators at all (praise my moots) and have to rely on people coming to me instead.

I managed to get past that one and now have a perspective of ‘if it’s not illegal, go off’

Once again, greatly affected the way I open up to others, even my therapist.

Now I have an incredibly weird relationship with apologising, as it’s lost all it’s meaning.

As I said

Thank you

So much.

I loved experiencing that as apart of being a minor on the internet.

[cherokeegal1975]

Amazon.com: Eden Symbiotic: 9781493766444: Smith, Meriah Renna: Books

Unexpected Cargo: Smith, Meriah: 9781537355238: Amazon.com: Books

Even though they aren't perfect, I believe in both novels. As in, I think they're good and worth reading even though they're not perfect. I know they need editing, I can't do anything about it until I can find a job with living wages that I can actually keep.

As far as the art journals...well they're not terrible, but I could do better now that I have a better idea of what they look like in person. I just keep them there because I worked on them. Might never make another art journal for sale ever again because these two never sell and I can see why. Such things would hold interest only to myself anyway. I dream of making another journal, even a photo album, but never for sale again. In my opinion, they both rate a "meh" but the books are worth remaking again with needed corrections just so I can have my works in print in pride of place on my bookshelf.

The point of this is that yes, I want to let you know that these books exist. But since I've been making a lot of noise about my audiobook for Unexpected Cargo, you might thing all I was into was mpreg. So not true! It's just something on the side and I did write a strait up sci-fi fantasy novel with none of that in it. It was my passion project years in the making. I've partly outgrown it, but I'm still fond of it.

I don't have an audio for Eden Symbiotic...well, not a full one anyway. Just for the first chapter. Never went farther than that.

Warts and all, I think both Eden Symbiotic and Unexpected Cargo are worth your money. In fact, if I sell enough copies, I could use my earnings to hire an editor.

I bet that once fixed up, both would make good movies or miniseries. Having seen a lot of movies, TV shows and read a lot of books, I can be confident that my judgement is correct. Even Unexpected Cargo, which I happen to know is a bit weird. I guess that's what happens when I let an online dumpster dive inspire me.

Did you also notice that I was openly saying that not all my books are worth your money? I'm my own worst critic. I let it drive me to strive for better quality works instead of letting it drag me down. I know how good I am...most of the time. Still, honest feedback from more objective people is always appreciated and welcome. It gives me a better perspective and I learn useful things from them.

As near as I can tell, I match Anne McCaffery...or come close to being as good as her works. If I pit myself against someone one like Diana Gabbledon in her Outlander series, she'd kick my ass.

[fazjmldn]

Week 1: What is Critical Thinking?

Describe your understanding of critical thinking that you had before the class, and reflect on what you may have learned.

Before this class, Critical Thinking is to analyse a situation and to interpret it on different sides to form a judgement or to decide whether it is wrong or right. After this lesson, I feel that Critical Thinking is to allow yourself to step back and properly analyse the different facts and opinions and to be adaptable to it. It allows me to be open to different points of views and reflect. In difficult citations. For example with friends or family, it allows me to reason with both sides and balance the views, to interpret it in a wider perspective. 

What have you learned about Mindfulness? How might you integrate this into your learning environment?

Mindfulness is to take time for the mind to rest, to take a break from everything in this hectic world and to allow yourself to breathe, meditate and let my mind rest. It is to be present in the moment but to also not let my mind wander elsewhere or get lost in the thought. Ways I can integrate this is by using mindfulness apps to pace myself when I am swamped with assignments. One of the mindful apps that integrate design is ‘Lungy’, designed by a designer-cum-doctor, Luke Hale. 

Unlike apps like Headspace, Lungy encourages users to keep their eyes open, using nature-inspired visuals to help them connect with their surroundings and feel that each breath has a positive impact. The designer explained that this will hopefully give people who experience stress and anxiety more sense of control. 

Liz Gorny, “Mindful app Lungy is designed to make breathing exercises as satisfying as possible” 16 January 2023, It’s Nice That

Pi-A: Lungy (Copyright © Lungy, 2023)

Pi-A: Lungy (Copyright © Lungy, 2023)

Apps like this allow me to practise mindfulness and be inspired by designs. It benefits me to build habits that reduce stress, increase focus and improve my emotional well-being.

Describe an eventful moment you have experienced in this class

We had a sharing session of our background, where we came from in terms of home and education. It was nice to see everyone coming from different backgrounds and races and it gives me an open mind to be accepting of people from any background. It was especially heartwarming when I shared my education background and the lecturer says it takes time to figure out what we want to do and takes a lot of trial and error. It made me feel that this is a new start for me and I feel more encouraged to keep going and work with other people.

[magpiemirroring]

I kinda get where some of these people are coming from because I remember struggling a lot with some books as a teen where I just didn’t have enough lived experience or learned context to click with either the musty old Classics or the new award winners we were expected to read. Part of this was a failure of the classes I was in failing to give us more than three paragraphs of broad background on historical periods and social movements. Part of it was just, well, not every one is gonna click with every book. That’s okay! There’s also plenty of criticism to be made about which books tend to be chosen to represent Classic Lit!

That does not mean we should stop reading classic lit.

We should shake up the list a bit, definitely. Don’t like what you read in class? Maybe there’s an old book you would like better but you were never introduced to it because it’s deemed “silly” today or it just wasn’t part of your curriculum. I loathed a lot of classics that I was forced to read in school, but super enjoyed a bunch of older books I picked for myself later! (plus once you get out of the “i have to write an essay on this.....” mentality, it’s easier to just.....enjoy reading a book!) But also:

1. Making a judgement based on whether or not you and your friends (who likely have similar experiences and backgrounds) find classic lit “relatable” and thus worth reading for everyone, is pretty short-sighted and self-centered of you. Other people with other backgrounds may get something out of that book that you don’t.

2. Part of reading Classics is about looking through a fictional window at people you may not immediately relate to or even like and seeing their essential humanity that you share. That may be uncomfortable. That discomfort may even be the point of the book. “Likeable” is not always an important quality for a protagonist.

3. But I also think the real important reason to read classics is that they are a window to another time and place. Just as modern authors, no matter what they write, are writing their stories within a contemporary worldview, with their personal morals and social concerns at the back of their minds (if not in the forefront!), so did old authors! When you have enough context into a time and a place, seeing historical thought and feeling expressed in the medium of fiction can help bring dry historical facts to life. (For me, reading Frankenstein became a lot more interesting after reading a couple books on the age of enlightenment and the Romantic period!)

That said, you are allowed to hate classic lit that you have read! All the love of the time period in the world can’t get me to love The Great Gatsby! But I’m never going to tell anyone not to read it! Don’t make your personal distaste for certain fiction into a rule everyone else should follow.

tiktokers who say classic lit is bad because its not relatable 1. thats not the fucking point 2. you've clearly never read twelfth night as a trans bisexual

[venuskind]

☆ New Year, New Me ☆ 

I am naming these contemplations with a wink and smile as I have been following the criticism and indignation about saying 'New Year, New Me' by advocates of the worthiness and value of the present self as is. Which I concur with while I can also read the words in other resonant ways.

The winter solstice illuminated a vast shift in my energy, which ripped through some veils of perception that had been created by childhood adversity and survival strategies of my psyche. The shift in perception and the fact that several aspects of my being were activated and fueled by this new energy let me enter the new year as a new me. 

New in the way I perceive, value, discern, choose, act, and express my being. So in fact this year 'New Year, New Me' is not a statement of an intent or goal but an observation of my current reality.

One of the most fascinating moments in learning about this new way of being had to be the moment my more machiavellian parts and Self energy agreed on a strategy, though from wildly differing perspectives. Which amuses me and makes this new chapter of life even more intriguing and a source of daily delight.

Old iterations of me would have handled ending connections which I realized had been underwhelming, disloyal, and unworthy of my time and energy in a decidedly different way. None of them would have gone over without an undercurrent of resentment, desire for justice, and anger of varying degrees. And I would have had a hard time holding back from giving them a piece of my observations and judgements of their behaviors. 

New me, couldn't care less about them and how they showed up. She zeroed in on my part in the dynamics that led up to this point of realization: 

Why did I blind myself to the truth of the relationship dynamics and the person? What part of me, and beliefs I hold, drive that kind of behavior? How do I make sure this doesn't ever happen again? What need did I try to meet by holding on to mediocrity or unloving dynamics? How can I redirect inner currents of energy and awareness to fulfill the need and avoid self-harming by holding on to the wrong energies and people?

... Continued on the blog.

[asking-jude]

Hey, I’m gonna be honest I don’t know what I’m looking for right now as I write this maybe someone to listen to me, probably just attention knowing me but if you have any advice that’d be nice. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Lately I’ve been feeling like I let down everyone around me and it’s worse than usual I right now. I feel like any time I build an identity for myself it’s all based on a lie and all I am is just some idiot who draws a lot. I feel like I built this identity and image recently of a confident, smart, capable person but as soon as I saw I wasn’t as smart as I thought I just felt like I let everyone down. This is a pattern pretty much. I don’t even feel like a whole person just a bunch of pieces with nothing to connect them. No real core or true identity just nothing. Now I’m afraid because I let these people down they’ll stop hanging out with me so I still try to stay on their good side and give them something to like about me but it feels like I cant. At least not a genuine part of me. It seems I do stuff like this to people often because I don’t want to be hated. I don’t even know why I’m like this, my life hasn’t been great but it’s not awful. I feel like I’m barely holding on anymore and at this point I feel like all that motivates me is positive attention from peers and loved ones. I don’t even know why I need so much attention. I just want a normal life but I doubt that’ll ever happen. I don’t want to be a bad person but it feels like I am and I’m afraid to talk to people in case that’s true. Why do other people find it so easy to be kind? What’s the secret? I want to be a kind person but it feels like I’m not and never have been. In fact I don’t even feel like a person just an unfocused mass of pieces or a shell of a person. I want to be a person but I don’t know if I can. I don’t even know if this’ll be seen or answered but I hope it is I just want someone to acknowledge me.

Do you want free, fast mental health help? Visit askingjude.org.

Hi love,

Thank you for reaching out to Asking Jude. Your feelings are completely valid; building an identity for yourself can be challenging and confusing, and it is never a linear process. The people around you may also have certain expectations for you and your life, which is likely exacerbating your confusion over your identity. It was incredibly brave and commendable that you had the courage to reach out and express these thoughts and emotions. Struggling with identity and the fear of disappointing those around you are challenging issues, and you took the first steps towards healing by asking for help.

You may find it beneficial to reach out to your close friends and family for support. If you share what you’re feeling with them, and if you are honest with the challenges you’ve been facing, they should offer support and a listening ear to your struggles. If the idea of speaking to someone you know feels too daunting, you can always reach out to a mental healthcare professional who can provide a more confidential and non-judgemental space for you to navigate through your emotions. Here is a link where you can find therapists in your area: https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html.

You may also benefit from journaling. It is similar to speaking to a therapist because you are able to freely speak your mind without fear of criticism. There are many different ways to journal, but the stream-of-consciousness method is particularly effective because you do not have to worry about proper grammar or punctuation. Here is an article that discusses journaling and its benefits in greater detail: https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentID=4552&ContentTypeID=1.

It is also important for you to explore your passions and hobbies. You can try new things, like crocheting or making bracelets. Try to be patient; there will likely be a learning curve with any new activity, but you will find what works best for you eventually. Taking time to explore your interests without thinking about other peoples’ expectations will likely be beneficial to you. Here is an article that contains a list of new hobbies you may enjoy: https://bucketlistjourney.net/hobbies-list/. These new activities will help strengthen your sense of identity because you will get to know yourself better.

I have also linked some additional articles that contain tips on how to cope with identity confusion: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-an-identity-crisis-2795948; https://www.betterup.com/blog/identity-crisis.

Try to be patient and kind to yourself. Always treat yourself the way you would treat your closest friend, and remember that it is normal to have occasional bad days.

Thank you again for reaching out to Asking Jude. I hope that some of this information was helpful, and please feel free to reach out again if you have any further questions.

Love,

Irene

Ask a question here.

[feelingunfulfilled]

Just learned what covert avoidance is and honestly I’m surprised it’s never once been mentioned to me by therapists or family or education. It’s linked strongly to conditions of anxiety and depression, with the main symptoms being afraid of judgement and how others perceive you. Feeling like your a bystander in your own life, feeling unfulfilled and worried of being vulnerable because you don’t want criticism. Like HELLO??? Why isn’t this common knowledge??

For a long while I didn’t even recognize my own fear of judgement. It took a mental breakdown on Christmas Day before I finally discovered what that restless internal fear was. If I had been taught these things earlier, maybe I wouldn’t have felt so troubled and anxious. And now, two years after the fact, only NOW am I becoming aware of this disorder?

How is it that my depression is more diagnosable then my own anxiety? Is it simply because I never felt comfortable enough to go into the details? Well then that’s kinda fucked up, isn’t it? If my anxiety actively makes me TERRIFIED of being vulnerable and judged, of course I’m going to struggle being transparent with people! Of course I won’t get a genuine diagnosis, and I’ll end up doing all the work on my own!

I’m not frustrated by it, but more so bewildered? Like…how is it that I never ONCE came across this crucial information which better defines how I’ve been feeling? It’s like discovering my asexuality and accepting myself as aromatic. Those labels help me properly express a personal experience to those who haven’t felt that way. It helps me greatly to use this vocabulary and be as specific and detailed as possible.

Of course (unfortunately) this won’t be recognized as a proper diagnosis unless I bring it up in conversation, but like??? Why am I suddenly the one who has to have all the vocabulary sorted out ahead of time instead of the other way around. Isn’t the therapist meant to give me the vocabulary for my experience rather then me introducing it to them?? Idk I guess that’s the point of sharing information. But it kinda feels strange knowing there is specific micro labels within anxiety and NO ONE bothered to walk me through the many common anxiety’s.

At this rate, I think the video game Adventures With Anxiety did a better job laying out an introduction to the anxieties which greatly effect lives. Sometimes we feel held back and controlled by these irrational fears, and it’s seriously debilitating for some people. Some who can’t even bring themselves to socialize or get out of the house. It’s such a SERIOUS issue and it kinda baffles me that no one has explained it in a cohesive way? There have been attempts to say “yeah we all have anxiety and it’s scary sometimes” but that’s not really getting to the ROOT CAUSES of it. Within the game Adventures With Anxiety, there is a moment where the player gets to sit and discuss there prominent fears of being unloved, fear of being harmed, and fear of being a terrible person. These fears are what fuel the anxiety. And I think many anxieties can be pin pointed into those specific categories.

Because truth is, anxiety takes on many forms. And it effects people differently depending on what fear is most prominent. Without subconscious awareness of these deeper fear which bring anxiety to life, how else are we meant to deal with them??? I guess that’s what exposure therapy is meant for, but I’ve always been terrified of perusing that because that’s EXACTLY what triggers my anxiety. Yes, we all need to face these fears head on and confront them if we want any progress out of it. But if I don’t get a firm idea of what’s going on with anxiety, then you can’t expect me to take that leap of faith. I need to process it and understand the full scope of it. Not blindly trust you

Update: now I’m doing more research into the distinction between social anxiety and Avoidant Personality Disorder (AVPD), as well as distinctions between those and covert avoidance. There is also overt anxiety to research, as it seems to be different then covert in some aspects

[theflashjaygarrick]

Okay so this is largely based on my own experience with ADHD (undiagnosed to adulthood) of the inattentive kind. Also Hal’s characterisation is…complicated to say the least. 

Impulsiveness/reacting to situations without thinking of the consequences

I don’t really have this symptom but Hal Jordan certainly does. This man thrives on impulsiveness. A lot of his strength as green lantern comes from the fact that he acts first and thinks later. But outside of lantern work this has gotten him into a fair bit of trouble. Him launching into a house (without his power ring) to help a woman he believes is being abused without processing all of the signs it’s actually a film set comes to mind.

2. Disorganisation and poor planning 

Hal Jordan is possibly the superhero worst at the work-life balance. He is constantly changing jobs, getting evicted, and has a truely awful credit score. And while this can be explained as a consequence of being green lantern none of the other lanterns have it, suggesting at some level it is a Hal thing. Presumably they’ve figured out a system to go to space and also pay rent. 

This has lead to severe consequences in his personal life (not being able to maintain a relationship with carol and being unable to pay rent), his work life (constantly struggling with a poor credit score and frequently having to change jobs).

3. Trouble focusing/Daydreaming

Hal Jordan has severe trauma specifically from his ‘head in the clouds’ nature and his father’s abusive reaction to it. A lot of people with ADHD (myself included) have struggled with criticism and judgement over mistakes and daydreaming behaviours that weren’t fully under their control. Hal Jordan was labelled by his father as a “space case” with his “head in the clouds”. And tragically for Hal Jordan this lead to his father targeting his abuse towards him as the family disappointment. 

4. Hyperfocus 

I would argue that’s what Hal’s obsessive dedication to being green lantern to the expense of literally everything else in his life could be a sign of hyperfixation.

5. Poor time management

Again look at his proven inability to pay rent/bills on time. He is very often late to do things with disastrous consequences. 

6. trouble multitasking 

Tragically for Hal multitasking is a key part of the masked vigilante game and one Hal is really bad at. Even with the help of his ring (he mentions he can’t imagine how people without it cope) his secret identity frequently gets almost found out. Also for a while the only way he and Carol could conceive of making things work was giving up his Green Lantern ring. Point is he struggles at balancing being a superhero, having relationships, and civilian work. 

7. Inability to control anger and frustration 

he’s actually normally decent about it (because he bottles it up) but when it explodes he starts killing people and tries to become God so I’m counting it. He has emotional Dysregulation.

8. Substance Abuse

While not a symptom substance abuse is more common in individuals with ADHD. Hal Jordan has struggled with alcohol abuse resulting in him ultimately going to prison for a DUI in Emerald Dawn. It has also been implied his father struggled with alcohol use, suggesting it might have been genetically predisposed to developing it.

So in summary while it's not cannot I feel like Hal Jordan fits the ADHD criteria quite well. Also it's mostly likely mixed type but leaning towards inattentive (because categories are complicated)

Hal Jordan definitely has undiagnosed ADHD (most likely the inattentive subtype)

[peculiarxafternoon]

pile 1 pile 2 pile 3

𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙧𝙮 𝙗𝙖𝙗𝙮 𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙧𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙛𝙪𝙡

(21st century girls themed reading!)

paid readings | ko-fi

hello, darlings! this reading is inspired by @rainbowwitchsworld who has kindly allowed me to use their idea. we'll be looking into which of your qualities shine the most, both internally and externally, that make people understand how truly beautiful you are! some advice may be thrown in there because i really can't help myself, but the focus of the reading is you and your unadulterated, unaffected by society's unrealistic standards beauty. shall we get into it?

take a deep breath and focus on your best qualities, whatever you truly like about yourself. then, pick a pile intuitively.

! for entertainment purposes only!

! constructive criticism and feedback are welcome!

! decks used: rider waite tarot deck, mermaid tarot, astrological oracle cards!

pile 1

(cards: the judgement, six of pentacles, eight of swords, page of pentacles, five of cups rx, three of wands, scoprio)

hello pile 1! the thing with you guys is that your soul shines through to your physical characteristics so much, that it makes a lot of people agree that you are conventionally beautiful, even if you yourselves don’t see it. you have this way of going about life that isn’t very cautious, yet it puts you in the position of a student. people find so much beauty in the way you see life’s ups and downs as lessons, and in the way you want to learn more and grow more every day. it’s definitely not an easy feat, but you guys just do it naturally, the “why”s and “how”s slip of your tongue subconsciously sometimes.

you also give a lot, whether that’s material things to people in need, or parts of yourself to the people you love. in the eyes of your close environment, you’re beautiful because you manage to be the first person they go to for comfort, when they know that they need to hear the truth, no matter how harsh it is. yet, you always manage to deliver it in a way that makes your people feel safe, and understood. when it comes to material things, gift giving may be your love language, as well as acts of service. trust me when i tell you that it is so attractive when you do the little things, without expecting much back: donating to charities, helping clean a friend’s home, taking your siblings to eat at a place they really wanted to go. it’s the smallest details that others notice that make you very attractive in their eyes.

beyond that, you may be the type of person who has struggled a lot in the past, and still struggles with their mental health and upsetting thoughts. even to the people who have met this side of you, simply the fact that you have been through so much and are still looking forward to the future deems you admirable. you may like going on adventures or may be a very expressive and loud person at times, especially when you get excited, which brings out a different side of you than people are used to. needless to say, that makes you attractive too!

physical characteristics-wise, you may have red or black features (black or red hair, redder cheeks or lips, darker or auburn eyes), which adds to a sort of sleeker and more mysterious look. people may pass you by on the street and do a double take, especially if your style leans more towards darker tones. i also got a message that you look good with sharp eyeliner on, but makeup isn’t something everyone is interested in so it may not resonate for all of you. still, if you have been curious about how you’d look, maybe this can be your push to try it out!

thanks for reading!

pile 2

(cards: five of cups rx (x2), nine of wands, nine of swords rx, the high priestess rx, nine of cups, saturnus)

hello pile 2! i think the major thing that makes you attractive is how you manage to overcome your obstacles. you are a very realistic person, who sometimes doubts their intuition (even though you have a lot of it), yet you manage to be grateful for all you have. people really admire how you not only act as an inspiration for them, but remind them to be grateful for what they have themselves. you hold a lot of inner wisdom (which is why you may doubt your intuition at times), and that makes others feel at awe. some even may come to you for advice often, but others may hesitate because you have a very direct way of saying things (still, that is attractive in its own way).

you have this “don’t fuck with me” type of energy that stems from all that you’ve been through. you have experienced a lot of loss in your life and may have struggled to bounce back after that, but you are now in a state that, even when you don’t feel your strongest, people are scared to cross you. this sort of intimidation draws some in and pushes some away, but i believe your beauty is a very rare one few people can appreciate. your smarts really shine through in all sorts of situations, especially because you seem to carry a lot of miscellaneous information within you. your beauty mostly resides in your brain, your thoughts, and how you view the world even after all the lessons you’ve been through.

some people may find you so attractive that they end up dreaming of you because of how much you’re on their mind. you probably have a couple cases of secret admirers, and they all adore the way you think. you act as an inspiration for many, with the way you present yourself, and even if their attraction isn’t romantic, they feel a certain pull for you that they can’t really explain. sometimes they may even think that you hold the answers to most of life’s problems within you, especially if you have strong saturn placements in your chart. still, the way you managed to pull yourself through the worst parts of your life is something so many people find beautiful, even if they don’t know you well; it seems to be embedded in your aura.

when it comes to physical characteristics, you probably have very nice hair, whatever that may mean for you (strong, thick, lots of hair, long, etc), and a very strong bone structure. your nose and cheekbones especially may be key characteristics of your face, as well as your jawline. you just look put together no matter what you wear or how you view yourself, and people really appreciate your sense of style, and the way you manage to express yourself through it. if you haven’t tried it already, wearing more earthly or dark tones, monochrome outfits and straight lines will probably suit you very nicely, along with pulled back or shorter hairstyles that show off your facial structure!

thanks for reading!

pile 3

(cards: king of swords, three of wands, page of swords, ace of pentacles rx, the tower, the moon rx, scorpio)

hello pile 3! some of you may have resonated with pile one, so maybe reading that will be helpful, but don’t worry if that’s not the case for you! you are a very sharp, witty and creative person, a quick thinker in cases when it’s needed, which is found to be very attractive to those around you. expressing your creativity and thoughts could be your ultimate goal in life, so much so that you’re pursuing a career or a field of study that usually isn’t as financially stable as others. you know you have a message you want to tell the world, you know you love creating whatever you connect most with, and you don’t care if that’s going to make you end up poorer than most in a society that doesn’t support the masses, anyway. oftentimes you may even use your skills and talents for free, which leaves a good impression on people, other than the fact that the find you and your art enticing and moving.

what many may not know is that your art is your way of dealing with things from your past that have hurt you, and that you are currently trying to let go of. if it wasn’t for your strong mindset and the things you create, you wouldn’t have been able to move forward in life. only those who truly interact with your art and understand it on a deeper level, especially if you write, will be able to understand where you come from and how important what you’re doing is to you. your smile shines brighter when you talk about your creations, and if people found beauty in you before, those who get to see this side of you become absolutely enamoured.

beyond your more romantic and artistic side, you’re a person always ready to broaden their horizons and learn from others. you may be very open with your thoughts, telling others what you think without hesitating. it may sting sometimes, being told you’re wrong so openly, but it’s beautiful to many nonetheless. they know that you will be honest with them, and they will hear your point of view regardless, while being reassured that their point of view is also seen. you may seem like the type of person who keeps to themselves sometimes and overshares on others, but those little glimpses into who you are help people discover more of your beauty and thoughts, slowly but surely.

you may have scoprio or strong pluto or mars in your chart, so you naturally exude a sort of intimidating vibe. you may be very experimental with your fashion and like wearing more experimental or weird sort of accessories. black and red may be colours you gravitate towards a lot, but you also may not be opposed to patterns and lots of colour for some statement pieces. you are also probably the type of person who likes finding weird graphic t-shirts and wears them ironically (think the “fish love me, men fear me”) kind.

thanks for reading!

! do not copy or repost my work!