#it's the earliest something can go wrong with personal development

[bredforloyalty]

what it all comes down to is family is the smallest unit of society

[abby-howard]

I'm going to be asking a lot of artists I follow this question, but how did you develop your style? It SEEMS like most people find their style and stick with it forever, just making improvements and iterations. I tend to work in a lot of different styles because I enjoy doing that, though I know there are things I gravitate towards as well. But I wonder what your journey was and how you got feedback and improved while staying true to what you enjoyed?

Hi there!

I definitely wouldn't say that I've found my style and stuck with it forever-- I feel like each of my projects has asked for a certain kind of art, and has presented new challenges that push me in new directions.

Some of that comes from seeing someone else's work and having something click into place that might fix errors/faults in my own, and then I might try to incorporate that, such as bigger outlines on my characters to help distinguish them from the background, or maybe a way someone else simplifies eyes that can help make mine look less weird.

When I first started drawing, I can see where I encountered certain influences because my sketchbooks suddenly switch to incorporating some new stylistic element that I liked from whatever I was reading/watching at the time. But it was never QUITE right, it was never just copying, there was always something ~wrong~ with it. And that wrongness was my style! As much as I hated it, that was what distinguished my art from being just a copy of someone else's. I hate it less now, and understand that other people see something there that maybe I don't, because it's just what happens when I filter other people's work through my head. My soul, if you will.

There are definitely through-lines with my work, driven by what I like drawing and what comes easily to me-- hatching is almost always a major component, and I like making expressive characters. Here's some of my earliest available stuff, from my old webcomic:

Then not long after that, I started The Last Halloween, which pushed me to challenge myself in both layout and style:

And here's the same comic, years later:

And here's a series I did for kids, where I had to use full color and lay off on the hatching, as well as learn how to reconstruct animals that we have no photo references for, which is definitely a place where style comes majorly into play, whether I wanted it to or not:

Then there was the horror book I did, where I tried to push my work to be less cartoony overall, and to work very hard on improving my hatching:

Then I started work on Scarlet Hollow, where I incorporated a limited/muted palette and had to once again push myself to make less-cartoony art, as well as learn more consistency so I could draw sprite sets. This was a big challenge for me, and has helped me grow as an artist so much!

And most recently, I wrapped up work on Slay the Princess, which required that I go back in the cartoony direction, but in a very different way than I was used to. This took a lot of sketching to figure out, and there's still a decent amount of artistic stumbling in Chapter 1 while I settled into it.

She's drawing on anime/Disney influence, but each Princess required a bit of stylistic variability. Some are more anime, while some are more realistic than even the Scarlet Hollow characters.

So I wouldn't worry too much, honestly! A person's style is often something that reveals itself over the course of their career, rather than something they choose and then try to stick to forever.

Even if you don't think you have a style, you do. It might vary a lot piece by piece, especially if you're trying to closely imitate another person's art, but the more work you do, the more you'll figure out your own strengths and interests!

[dxxtruction]

Something to just consider is that Armand is a collectivist. Culturally I think this makes sense, considering he would've been raised in his foundational years in that sort of culture that values collectivism over individualism. He's also had to live in several high control environments afterwards, which demanded servitude, where putting himself first would've led to trouble, up to and including death. In the Children of Darkness, for example, the very idea of seeking pleasure at all is against the commandments, and since he is forced to lead this group (under careful surveillance), he can not therefore show if he even wishes to seek pleasure, because this would disrupt the collective thought, and further, place a level of threat upon himself for disobeying the laws he's meant to be upholding. He's at threat that he can be killed for it, because that's how such laws are handled. So he necessarily can not hold an individualistic, self serving, opinion, and hope to live, and lived in that kind of envoirment for centuries. Even the TdV carries on the same sort of traditions to less strict, more secular, degrees. Seeking pleasure in TdV is rewarded, even exhaulted, but the great laws are still imposed to the level of threat which is death, and everyone is always surveilling each other on this matter. He's a collectivist, especially in situations which impose certain, or uncertain threat of violence, for going against the group, or person, as in such a situation being individualistic is perhaps the last thing you may get to ever do. Nothing personally driven, therefore, seems that worth it provided the risk.

Whether he remembers this earliest period of childhood, or not, those sorts of values (likely positive then as things like sharing, community building, reaching mutually beneficial decisions, aid, and consideration of others feelings). Ingrained into his personality, and he doesn't have the kind of amnesia where it appears his personality was fundamentally changed by it. Rather, that since it's more of a dissociative amnesia barrier protecting him from traumas, that his personality would rather be fragmented, as opposed to altered. (Meaning such values are still there, but are now also acting alongside various further alteration to what is means to be in collective. And that if such amnesiac parts ever do surface, it is only reacting as if it is re-experiencing, and in the same context to the trauma. Depending on how complex this part is it could take on further environmental inputs while in this state, developing or simply having, essentially, its own personality... but I digress).

He does things for the group, which can at times only be one person, more-so than he serves himself. Placing what serves situation and context more highly that individual personal traits and feelings. But, by thinking he has no self, he naturally falls to self justifying everything wrongful he personally does, as for the benefit of the group. It's a cognitive distortion which doesn't recognize it's own selfishness because it sees itself as being selfless regardless of actual outcome. Further, this makes it so he takes no responsibility for others actions he may have caused, or to how a situation came about because of himself, if he doesn't then apply having any self to that situation. He'll bend to opinion even if its false, and create or even take on an entire role of falsehood, if he believes it serves a mutual benefit.

He uses this as a kind of shield against the world he must fundamentally view as threatening, and imposing, with very limited spaces of safety. But doesn't impose himself in healthy ways, therefore becomes an enabler of certain toxic behaviors getting out of hand, and creating unsafe environments. Desiring such places being controlled, and predictable, environments, but not fostering what's needed for that, and certainly not in a healthy way. Rather lending to manipulating others, or using threats, or force, to make it so he's secure in this. Again, self justifying that it's for a collectivist benefit. If he does at all recognize his own selfishness it's due to how he's able to come out of his own cognitive distortions, and dissonance, and admit faults and failings. Seeing that hiding his own faults and failings from others is something selfish, and therefore that he does indeed have a self there. In doing so, developing an understanding that he acts as a self in all things, and therefore understanding the effects of his actions are actually his. (Or else falling right back into the distortions). He has to be selfish, in a way, to ever be truly selfless. If that's really his goal.

To want something for itself, as opposed to some other means. To want good, love, and safety, for itself as opposed to what it does. He has to develop a sense of his own idea of these things, in order to form a consistent and more secure identity, not founded or attached to a group or person. And further needs whatever self that is, to be embraced, by himself, and not insecure in how others would react to it. To not be afraid of this self expression and personal desire, thought, opinion, feeling, and so on. By developing his own person he'd be able to better embrace his own bad qualities, even change them. As he then feels he has such agency, and isn't just simply reacting and serving to the world around him. I think there's something in how he changes Daniel which says he is moving in sort of this direction, there's something in how it appears he's roaming around on his own right now that suggests he is on a journey of this sort. I'm not expecting greatness out of it, but I am thinking there will be progress for present day Armand in future seasons. I think he is capable of change, and is not fundamentally as he appears. (And this would align to his narrative arc in the books anyway.)

And just also like I don’t think he knows entirely where the boundaries of anything really are or should be. Between himself and others or like where right begins and wrong ends and so forth. Not a moment in his memorable life, mortal or immortal, hasn't been without the presence of vampires, and therefore conditioned more under vampiric understandings as opposed to human ones. And because he's disconsidering of self, and hasn’t exactly been modeled what these should be, he's not able to function sanely in his environment. He's not sane I think I can say. But I do think he’s someone who learns experientially, and can do that on his own, so where those must lie he’s not in total lack of awareness either.

[satancopilotsmytardis]

Please tell me if this question is too intrusive and you don’t want to answer, or if I’ve phrased it poorly.

What makes you see Dabi as the sub/switch, and Tomura as the top in their dynamic and in other dynamics they are in? I’m curious what parts of their characterisation led you to seeing them in this way.

So first off, I'm always going to apply sub/dom dynamics to everything because that's what interests me the most in regards to sex so one of them was going to get assigned a role no matter what!

Shigaraki has been groomed to wanting to be in control/have power his entire life, is incredibly self-assured without the need for validation from outside sources, he has no shame and doesn't even seem capable of feeling embarrassment, he isn't burdened by taking command of others and instead takes to that role readily and is willing to make sure that the people who have put their trust in him and followed him are taken care of first and foremost. To me, all of those aspects led to him being a solid choice to be a dom. Additionally, I noticed a lot of sub!Shigaraki content that already existed that focused on his earliest appearances in the show and manga that were reliant on him being a spoiled brat who was getting put in his place or was a blushing fumbling virgin because of his perceived lack of social skils, all of that is totally fine and a solid interpretation of his character, but I personally did not find that appealing and wanted to focus on the other layers of his personality that come into play post-Kamino.

As for Dabi, he has a massive superiority complex after being told in his early life he would be amazing and then developed an even bigger inferiority complex when he wasn't able to live up to those expectations. He desperately craves validation in the form of the entire world being forced to see him and the wrong that was done to him and his desire to get his revenge on a public stage so that he can feel seen after being unjustly tossed aside. He is a hard worker and overachiever, even when he doesn't care for the person who is giving him the order because of his desperate need to feel useful and like he is moving towards his goals as seen when he is the 'only person doing his job' pre-My Villain Academia. He has limited social skills, as seen in the SNAP comic, where Magne tries to flirt with him only to have it go completely over his head. He is extremely emotional and feels things deeply, which makes him much more volatile than his early-series 'cool guy' persona suggests. With all of that in mind, I headcanon him as a switch because I think that in a dynamic with someone he would resent having power over him (for example, Hawks), he would not want to give that person power over him in the form of submitting to them in the bedroom and he would push to show he was 'better' than them by being the dominant partner. I also think his volatile emotions and tendency to react to even the smallest insult with immolation would make him a very dangerous person to be in a dominant position because he could be more prone to letting a scene go too far or pushing a boundary to assure himself that he is the one in control, something that would get worse the more out of control he gets.

However, specifically in a dynamic with Shigaraki, he would be much, much happier in the role of sub. Shigaraki is someone he already submits to in the form of following him, and he knows that Shigaraki trusts him because Shig never makes him do anything he doesn't want to and let's Dabi have his secrets and go off and do whatever he feels he needs to even if it means he might not be around when the League needs him. Shigaraki recognizes his abilities and gives him command in his stead very early on into their relationship, which would assure him that he sees the value in his existence. All of those things would make it easier for him to submit in the bedroom, and I headcanon that being a relieving experience for him because it offers him a chance to let himself feel his emotions so intensely in a safe space where he knows that no mater what goes right or wrong , he's not going to be abandoned again. His dom will take care of him. He'll keep loving him even if he breaks, and then he'll stick around to put him back together, and he knows that Shigaraki is one of the few people in the world, especially by the PLF arc, that can actually handle him at his absolutely worse and stop him if he needs be.

This isn't an inappropriate question as long as no one tries to harass me into changing my mind or writing their dynamic differently (again 😒). You don't have to agree with me, but this is my blog and how I will continue to discuss and portray their characters!

[not-poignant]

Im really sorry if this is too personal please ignore me if it is but i saw your post just at the right time and im just, im struggling in my twenties at the thought of possibly having did right now. And you say you "used to", can i ask how you healed?

A lot of therapy, anon.

It does tend to show up in someone's 20s, and I went the path of Internal Family Systems Therapy (also known as IFS or IFST) which is extremely useful alongside the three C's (Compassion, Communication, Co-Consciousness).

I wasn't aiming to eliminate any alters, and anyone who wanted to stay as a separate alter could, but I taught myself through the help of other/s to be self-compassionate, to open up opportunities and methods for communication (which also included art, writing, journalling, etc. in fact the very first tumblr that 'I' ever made was actually made by an alter, and was originally called artforartists - it's now renamed and run by 'me' because Dani has absorbed back into the system, but you can still go to the earliest entries and see her in them.

It took a few years and I didn't rush things. The main thing to know is that while it feels extreme, it usually comes about as a reasonable response to an unreasonable situation, and it usually becomes very manageable with self-compassion (to all yourselves), impartial judgement, open communication, compromise (i.e. if you have an alter that wants to play video games 24/7 to the point that you're losing weeks of memory, find out small areas of compromise where they can be given something in exchange for something), and sharing consciousness where possible (co-consciousness).

It's very scary at first but imho for me personally, it has been the 'easiest' of all of my diagnosed disorders to deal with. I still have severe treatment-resistant depression and I still have severe treatment-resistant PTSD/C-PTSD, but my DID went into remission after about 4 targeted years of therapy. It's now DDNOS (Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) which means I don't have the symptoms enough to qualify for DID anymore, but I still have a system prone to dissociation / derealisation / depersonalisation and I have days where some alters are fronting a bit more than the central self, but I usually just use it as a sign that I'm really stressed and overwhelmed, rather than a sign that there's something wrong with me.

I'm extremely zen about it, tbh. And look, I didn't have the goal of 'absorbing' my alters (or them dying or w/e), I didn't set out with the idea of getting rid of it so much as learning how to live with different people who have different opinions about things in my head. But through the course of IFST and giving everyone a voice, that started to happen anyway. Healing doesn't always mean 'getting rid of alters' it mostly just means getting a handle on the memory loss (which is the most severe part of the disorder for me) and the polarisation so that it becomes regular dissonance and not so distressing it causes someone to switch. A person can be fully healed from DID and still have alters that front, if there's co-consciousness and communication for example. This was actually what I was aiming for, it just didn't end up being my outcome.

You may not be able to access therapy or IFST, and it can be hard to find DID-friendly therapists who know what they're doing, but you can actually look up and explore IFST on places like Instagram and in books like No Bad Parts and start doing the work gently already. (IFST isn't just or only for DID patients, but it is uniquely very well suited to them).

It can be very scary at first, anon, to think you might have this. Because it's a highly stigmatised and misunderstood disorder. At its root it can be understood as 'a child who didn't understand how to cope with something, at the time of personality formation, just developed a new personality to deal with it. But as a result of this, their brain got so good at developing new personalities that it became a maladapted coping strategy, and as an adult they can learn ways to cope that aren't splitting, switching, or losing memory with compassion and self-understanding.'

And honestly we all have a lot of maladapted coping mechanisms and the whole journey of life is learning to unpack them, and repack some healthier coping mechanisms into the lunchbox. And that's really about it. Still very scary and upsetting to go through, but also not a mysterious, "insane" thing. <3333 If you can reach out for help, please consider it, but otherwise do look into IFST. I started working on those strategies long before I found a suitable therapist and I honestly feel like just the mindset of radical self-acceptance and self-compromise and self-compassion was - while extremely hard to do often - the key for me, and some of those things will at the very least be helpful for you.

[feekins]

so I can't find it rn but I saw this post a while back theorizing that Knives can't hear plants? which struck me as a little strange, bc in both the English subs (pictured below) and dubs of ep 9, Knives specifically references their dying screams.

which got me thinking - the key differences in Vash's and Knives' defining moments interacting with Dependents in eps 8-9 don't lie in their abilities but in their circumstances.

thanks to his gut instincts and humans putting their trust in him just in time, Vash was able to do something to save that plant. meanwhile, even with the top plant engineer at his beck and call, Knives couldn't do a damn thing to save all those plants bc by the time he got there, it was already too late.

it's chock-a-block full of narrative foils - Studio Orange gives us A LOT of those between Vash and Knives. furthermore, those differences in their earliest Dependent life-or-death situations are VITAL to their character development.

Vash starts out believing himself to be incapable of contributing anything meaningful/doing anything of importance - also, being what he is, humans don't trust him at first. then, he begs to help the moment he realizes something is wrong with one of the plants, and humans choose to go out on a limb and trust him. through this experience, not only does Vash realize that he DOES have value and he CAN make a difference just the way he is - he also learns that he CAN coexist with humans in a good way.

on the flip-side, starting out, we don't see any evidence that Knives doubts either his abilities as a plant or his value as a person. additionally, he has a pre-established relationship (in a flashback towards the end of ep 10, we see that Conrad recognizes Knives from before the Fall and literally runs to greet him with open arms) with a pretty skilled (we know from a Studio Orange tweet that Conrad was the leader of the Project SEEDS science division), pretty influential (from the same tweet, we also know Conrad p much built July from the ground up) human who is p much at Knives' command (albeit forcibly). even with that, Knives is ultimately powerless, unable to bring all those plants back from the brink of death (again, they were past the point of saving by the time he got to them) - worse, he's there to bear witness to their massacre at the hands of humans who intentionally bleed them dry. through this experience, despite what power/resources he has at his disposal, Knives is once again traumatized by his (and his brethren's) lack of control/agency at the hands of humankind, and it reinforces his beliefs and his genocidal conviction.

things could have easily turned out VERY DIFFERENTLY. if Luida had waited too much longer to let Vash out, that plant would've died - and Knives would've been able to do something using Conrad's influence and/or skills if they'd somehow gotten there before all those plants were pushed hard enough to cut them off from the higher dimension in the first place. if either of those things were the case, though, Vash and Knives would most definitely not be the Vash and Knives we've come to know.

[markantonys]

Idk if you saw the Josha Collider interview but he kinda hints we might get some Randlayne in s3? Which I am curious about that cause I didn't think they'd have time. Also that the Randfear relationship will continue where it left off and get even more complicated (which is very much their Shadow Rising dynamic)

i'm gobbling up these randlayne crumbs!!

but he keeps it very vague here and i don't think there's anything too surprising in what he says - the fact that the show took the time to signal randlayne in 2x08 definitely implies to me that they plan to follow up on it in SOME way in season 3, and given that daniel was already talking about having filmed some lanaeve scenes way back in june which according to the block filming schedule would probably mean those scenes are somewhere in the first block (eps 1&2), i think we can pretty safely assume that the tanchico & waste travel groups won't split up right away, and that we'll see rand and elayne interacting early in the season.

now, that doesn't necessarily mean they're going to be making out all over falme or declaring their love for each other already! "a gradual thing which needs to be organic" definitely makes me feel pretty good about my prior randlayne guess, which is that they'll be getting to know each other and building a connection early in s3 and laying that groundwork for romance, but nothing explicitly romantic will happen between them before they split up for their respective journeys. because they wouldn't have included that Moment between them in 2x08 if they didn't intend to build upon it pretty promptly at the start of season 3, so we've got to be seeing SOMETHING more on the randlayne front, but i don't think it will be anything huge. and what josha says here supports both parts of that prediction, i think! his comments on rand's headspace at the start of s3 also make me think it's unlikely rand will be jumping straight into brand-new romance during the first episode block, and since we know tanchico & the waste are both in, i don't think rand would see elayne again until the second half of s3 at the earliest and perhaps not until s4 (in person, anyway; further randlayne development through TAR chats is not outside the realm of possibility!)

and of course, avirand isn't something josha would be hinting at even a tiny bit in interviews since it's way too much of a spoiler, given that the two of them haven't even met yet, so randlayne being the s3 romance he's discussing doesn't mean avirand won't sneak in there and end up happening first! but all this being said, i am always ready for the show to surprise me and prove me totally wrong haha

and he made intriguing comments about randfear too, like you say!

in a couple of today's other interviews he said he wants randfear endgame djkjfg i'd have a shipping war with him about that, but i love how much he's loving digging into this relationship! lanfear positioning herself as ~the only one who understands him~ despite him being surrounded by his friends definitely sets up some toxic shit and i can't wait to see where that goes in s3. i love Mess!!

(..................i'm saying nothing about book!min positioning herself as ~the only one who understands him~. nothing at all!)

wait a moment. literally right here josha says rand is with his friends at the start of season 3, so that pretty much confirms we'll be starting off with the gang all still together!!!!!! (of course, he could mean just that he's with mat & egwene en route to the waste, but given daniel's confirmation of lanaeve scenes, i think at this point we can feel very very confident in seeing the whole gang still together at the start of the season)

[protectingtulpas]

sorry if I'm being annoying because you probably already answered to a lot of questions like that but I'm very new to tulpamancy so do you have any tips for a beginner ? Thank you in advance!

Hmmmm there aint much context here but I'll give ya some tips I can think of for the most basic of beginners!

- learning to listen to ur own head is a skill in of itself, and it's an instinct you gotta develop. My host did it by learning to do stuff in our headspace before working on me, but the basic skills ya want are being able to listen to the instinctive responses of your brain, being able to focus on your internal state over a long time, and (eventually) multitasking doing something in ur head and in outerworld at the same time. We have adhd so having something to do in headspace helped a Lot. Some of my earliest memories are of choosing where to go in headspace.

- A lot of places will tell you about active forcing and how important it is to dedicate time to your tulpa, but our greatest advances personally always happened when I was being shown something in headspace or outerworld, getting some kinda stimulus or thing host thought would be interesting to me. So while yeah just paying attention to your tulpa is important too, especially in the very early stages, don't be afraid to do things with them! Give em experiences, things to base their identity off of. Your tulpa is speedrunning learning how to be a person, they can't do that in a bubble!

- When you're starting out tulpamancy, it's common to base your tulpa off of some kinda predetermined guidelines like personality traits, likes, or even a character or concept- that's how I was made, and how I'm a fictive. It also makes it easier to kickstart their creation and feel their presence faster. But be careful not to rely on that framework too much, cus it can make you paranoid later on. For a couple examples: maybe Host A starts working on Fictive Tulpa B, and she knows how he acts in-canon so well that she struggles to tell if she's actually getting responses from him or if she's just automatically judging what the character would say. In another example, Host Y has been forcing Tulpa Z with a specific set of traits, and when Z diverged and expressed an opinion contradictory to that framework, Host Y began panicking and thinking xe did something wrong. In both cases, Host A and Host Y are focusing too much on what they expect their tulpas to be, and not enough on how they are in the present and the development of their autonomy.

- You probably won't get much vocal response right away, especially if you're starting out as a singlet. You gotta watch for more subtle cues when you're just starting out, like feeling their presence, them moving their headspace form, or sharing positive or negative feelings. Sharing emotions and thoughts without actual words is pretty common in systems, and in the tulpamancy community it's called tulpish. Be on the lookout for nonverbal communication like that, because it's some of the first stuff we can do! Also, something lots of new tulpamancers report are head pressures, which are like really mild temple headaches that come with lots of forcing or the presence of your tulpa. (feels like the "expanding brain" meme irl if im being honest LOL) If you're struggling to tell if you're making any progress, try paying attention for that too.

That's about all I can think of for now! Good luck to ya anon ✨ check out my #tulpamancy advice tag for more!

[a-wild-julibean]

oopsie here's an unsolicited sae analysis post

Too lazy to add photos so you guys are going to have to survive with just text lmao (warning! long post!!!!)

I feel that sae's biggest issue is his relationship with failure. Like every gifted kid expected to perform, sae has no idea how to react when things don't go his way. Unsurprisingly, he's a control freak (rin says himself that the reason sae chose shidou is because he'd be able to control a "demon" nobody else could) so things always *have* to go his way, and when they don't, he kinda bluescreens almost.

The earliest form of sae failing to accept losses or just being wrong in general is when rin and sae are eating ice cream together. Rin wins and sae loses, but sae instead turns it into rin "losing" and sae "winning" by telling rin that he shouldn't waste his luck on something like that. Yet, it's clear in sae's initial reaction of disgust upon seeing the losing result that he doesn't truly believe that. He just hates losing *that* much and is a stubborn bitch so he then proceeds to never correct this belief over the course of literal years. Sae cannot in any way shape or form accept defeat and grow from it. He is almost like the opposite of isagi. He cannot consolidate and adapt.

Delusion time for a moment: there is kinda no basis for this interpretation, but i feel that the ice cream scene can be applied to sae and rin themselves. What i mean by that is, i believe rin is actually more talented than sae. Some circumstantial evidence for this includes: rin's very first play/moment on the field is him pulling off honestly a crazy move for a toddler who's never played. The smoke effect that represents ego is immediately present as well. Additionally, sae's egoist bible profile includes that he asked santa to show him his yet discovered talent, which then can be interpreted as sae believing he doesn't have talent (vs. rin who does). Or, it could just be sae joking lmao he's a pretty funny dude after all.

Basically, when looking at the itoshi flashback through this lense, a lot of moments are recontextualized. Sae immediately approaches rin after rin first plays and says he'll be the best *after* sae, almost as to reign in rin's talent so he never dreams something beyond what his brother can do. His cruelties could possibly stem from jealousy.

Sae is forced to contend with immense pressure from all around him while rin can mostly play carefree. Sae is japan's greatest treasure and therefore must perform for the sake of his entire country. Rin just obeys his instincts as a child and everything works out. He even mentions after sae leaves for spain that without sae, soccer is restricting essentially because sae paved a path for rin and took on that "restrictiveness" upon himself. So two things rin has that sae doesn't: talent and freedom. This obviously worsens after the spain trip.

(quick aside: cannot believe sae was sent to a foreign country alone that does not 100% love accommodating foreigners for FOUR YEARS. AS AN ADOLESCENT. LIKE THOSE ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT DEVELOPMENT YEARS.)

Now we return to the point of sae being unable to accept failure and such. Unlike what we have seen from the blue lock boys, being faced with the world makes sae cower and fail himself before the world does. He deems being the best striker impossible and switches to midfielder without really trying his absolute hardest in order to become the best. Unable to learn and grow from failure and unable to accept a loss, sae basically self sabotages when he changes his dream. Once again though, sae's stubborn as shit, so when he changes his dream he goes all in on it.

Even still, when sae returns he isn't 100% on the idea. He goes to see rin, likely the first person he sought out after returning, basically just for some validation. After 4 years of being valued for nothing other than soccer, i feel that sae probably just wanted comfort from his brother that isn't really connected to soccer. Rin then proceeds to reject sae's new dream and boom every resentment bottled up between the two explodes.

When sae plays rin, his goal *is* to crush rin's dream like his own was. He desperately wants to prove to himself that his choice to change wasn't wrong by showing up rin, his "more talented" brother. He wins, but isn't happy about it at all.

I think we all know that sae doesn't literally mean what he says when he then tells rin to quit. A lot of it is projection and defense mechanisms. But once again, he cannot accept defeat or admit to wrong doing so he doesn't. And then, again, the stubbornness comes back to prevent him from changing later down the line. Sae still loves rin of course and watches over him in his own way (watch sae's reactions to rin during the u20 match for proof of this), but yeah. Older sibling moment!!! He is never wrong :)))))

lmao okay that's it thanks for reading!! remember sae did nothing wrong <333 (delusional)

[charms-cat]

Thoughts on TBOSAS Pt. 2

Disclaimer: I did skim certain scenes but I'm still mostly basing my theory on what I can remember (from both the book and the movie), so feel free to correct me if I got something wrong

So in Part 1 of my analysis, I wondered -

why did they make it so that the Academy kids didn’t know that they were going to be mentors? They already knew that they were going to be assigned a tribute. iirc Coryo was worried since he wanted a ‘good’ tribute and, when all the ‘good ones’ were gone, he hoped that Dean Highbottom forgot him instead of assigning him a tribute from District 12.

I was thinking about it again and honestly? I can only guess that this was another ploy to make Coryo seem more sympathetic than he actually is

My main evidence is the fact that they switched the mentorship with the Plinth Prize

1. The Mentorship

Book!Mentorship: Coryo tells us that the final project before graduation is a newly-implemented mentorship for the Hunger Games (the kids from the districts will be paired with the best/top students from the Academy); it'll be up to the mentors to make a spectacle of their assigned tribute, to make the Games more entertaining to watch; whoever has the tribute with the best performance will win a substantial amount of money, which Coryo planned on using to pay for his University tuition

from the start, Coryo knows what to expect. but, more importantly, it's made clear that he never views the tributes as anything more than a means to an end. iirc he was quite... factual(?) about what the Games entailed; he doesn't express any form of remorse towards the tributes' fate and condemns Sejanus for feeling any sort of kinship with the kids from the district.

Coryo was worried when his name wasn't called when Dean Highbottom was assigning mentors. as a Snow, he never thought that he'd be assigned a "runt" from District 12. he was embarrassed/worried/humiliated that he was assigned to the district whose tributes died earliest; and not even to the (potentially) strong boy, but to the weak girl. it was only after the buzz created by Lucy Gray's performance that Coryo felt any kind of positive feeling for her; a sense of "I may have gotten the weakest tribute, but I can still win the award" "she's the only tribute who everyone had an interest beyond 'oh, they look like they could win'".

in short, Coryo's unsympathetic nature (esp towards the tributes) is practically highlighted since the start. his tribute is not a person, they are his project.

Movie!Mentorship: comes as a surprise to everyone since they were expecting a scholarship award (the Plinth Prize); Coryo has no time to think of what this means and, so, there's no time to even hint towards his contempt of the districts. this way, the audience doesn't realise that Coryo thinks lesser of the tributes

(I hope I can word this properly)

changing this scene into a surprise mentorship instead of a pr-established one changes the initial impression of Coryo's character.

book!Coryo, we can assume, knew of the mentorship days/weeks/months beforehand. the fact that he never develops any sort of empathy for his tribute (not thinking of them beyond how they can help him make a good impression and help him win the prize money) is telling of his callous nature towards the tributes. we should have some sort of negative impression of him bcs "this is not just a project, these are kids' lives on the line"

but for movie!Coryo, this mentorship is not an anticipated chance for making a good impression bcs he never knew about it. instead, he comes off as just a studious kid, hoping for a scholarship. we get a more positive impression of Coryo bcs "hey, he didn't know this was going to happen, he just rolled with it".

movie!Coryo is not the person who, for an extended period of time, viewed his tribute as a mere stepping stone to further his education. he was the person who got snubbed of (potentially) getting a prize so that the Academy/Capitol/Dean Highbottom can suddenly shove one more hurdle onto him before he can get the scholarship.

imo "suddenly" introducing a hurdle at the last minute is definitely a sympathetic device. it invokes the feeling of "what? but he was already so close to winning the scholarship, why would they suddenly change it? that's unfair! they never informed him beforehand!" now, the audience is more inclined to feel injustice and/or sympathy on behalf of Coryo

2. Sudden second point that I just thought of: the change doesn't make sense

in the book, we know of the mentorship. so it makes sense that we start on the day of the reaping since that's the day that Coryo will know whose mentor he'll be

but why would we start on the day of the reaping in the movie?

it's strange enough to imply that they apparently award scholarships on the same day that they reap the tributes. but why would they do that in the first place? the Games have always been a "reminder to the districts" (and the price of rebellion) so why would the Academy try to overshadow the Games by having a joyous celebration right after it? esp since the Academy themselves want to remedy the low viewership of the Games. + there's no doubt the wealthy Capitol citizens would brag about their children's achievements through some form of extravagance

(I'm assuming the scholarship ceremony would take place after the reaping, since the broadcast began not long after Coryo arrived to the hall; otherwise that'd be another plot hole)

3. the Plinth Prize

brief background: the Academy has a system in which, if you get three "demerits" (by violating Academy rules/conduct), you'll be expelled. Coryo gets his first demerit for "endangering a student (referring to himself)" by landing in the zoo with the tributes

so now Coryo only has two chances to not fuck up if he doesn't want to get kicked out of the Academy before he can win the prize. Dean Highbottom sorta threatens/mocks Coryo for this. Coryo can't refute bcs he could get another demerit for "insubordination". Coryo also worries that he might not get the prize after all bcs the Dean hates him

but then Strabo and Sejanus introduce the Plinth Prize! Coryo has new hope bcs the Prize is a personally-funded scholarship so the Academy can't interfere in any way. regardless of whether the Academy doesn't award him the money, he'll at least get to attend the University. the only condition is that the Prize will be awarded to the one "whose tribute wins the Games". so Coryo has an extra incentive for getting Lucy Gray to win

the change in the movies isn't so egregious. it does make sense that Strabo Plinth would fund a scholarship for the Academy. except for two things:

the removal/diminishing of the demerits subplot and Dean Highbottom dangling the potential loss of the prize money over Coryo's head also removes an extra layer of disdain that Coryo has towards the Dean + the reason why Coryo is always careful about what he does and is v secretive when he does things like sneaking food out of the Academy cafeteria

the Prize was Sejanus's idea. give my boy his credit!

4. unrelated Lysistrata appreciation

I already talked about how the movie removed Lyssie's kindness and gave some examples. but let me talk a lil more about how she reacted when it became highly likely that Jessup would die. specifically, the fact that Lyssie cried

Lysistrata only knew Jessup for two weeks. just by nature of class differences, it's unlikely that they developed the level of kinship that Coryo and Lucy Gray did. but there's just an obvious fondness that developed, definitely for Lysistrata at least -

she tried her best to repress her emotions, but couldn't stop the tears from escaping

she pleaded/hoped that Lucy Gray wouldn't let Jessup die alone (Coryo had the fuckin audacity to want to complain that Lucy Gray didn't want to leave Jessup alone either; the only reason he didn't was bcs Lyssie was obviously upset)

Lysistrata asserted that the rabies were the fault of the Capitol's raccoons; she didn't let Lepidus (the interviewer) blame Jessup or his district and redirected the interview to speak about Jessup

she makes it a point to tell the Capitol that Jessup was a good person, a protector, that Jessup probably would've never won the Games bcs he'd die to protect Lucy Gray

when Lepidus (that bitch) calls Jessup a dog (!!!) - "a really good one" - Lysistrata shuts that down immediately: "Not like a dog. Like a human being."

she couldn't bear to stay afterwards and headed home immediately

AND THEY CHANGED ALL THAT. I don't think movie!Lysistrata even reacted to Jessup's death, at least not to an equal degree

she was the only good Capitol-born person (other than Tigris). too bad the movie couldn't let the Capitol have any nuance, except for Dean Highbottom's remorseful confession in the second-last scene

[maxwell-grant]

I've seen several peoplerefer to Wario as an evil opposite of Mario. But it occurs to me that Mario is deliberately kept as an audience insert with his personality being minimal. Whilst Wario himself has a very well defined personality. So that leads me to wonder: If you were to reverse engineer Mario's personality from "Wario is Mario's evil Opposite", what would Mario's personality be?

The same as it is now? Which is sorta Wario’s personality or at least general life, but selfless and more straightforward heroic and friendly and humble, toned down several notches and tailored to fit a much less confrontational and verbal character, who’s supposed to be a versatile all-purpose hero and cartoon mascot instead of a loud and stinky hyperactive crayon doodle anti-hero/villain.

Wario isn't really Mario's evil opposite: if anything that's probably just something he plays up on occasion because it's-a good for business, like this post argues: if he was just some guy, nobody would buy WarioWare. I argued before that Wario basically just does everything Mario already does, but taken to comically gross and brutish extremes. It's in everything from his design to gameplay, even to his worldbuilding. He's not so much Mario's Evil Opposite as he's Mario's Gross Cartoon Bully Mirror: closer to the likes of Bizarro and Lobo, characters notorious first and foremost for their over-the-top wacko personalities rather than any notable roles or stories, specifically because said over-the-top personality is their differential and what makes them appealing to have around.

He's not Mario But Evil, he's Mario But Wrong: he’s Dada Mario, perfect as a vehicle for comedic cartoon brutality and parody and taking potshots at his rival or videogames at large. A character with such a strong personality and hook, it’s a no-brainer to build adventures around his troubles and trials and pigbrained ideas. Charles Martinet touched a little on the differences between playing the two, how Wario gets to be a funny stinker contrasting Mario as a purely good guy, but Mario in turn has a levity of expression and carefree spiritedness that the cantankerous Wario cannot have.

When you’re acting as Wario, does it feel any different than playing Mario? Like there are less rules, or more creative freedom? Can you cut loose a little more? Charles: *laughs* Well, sure, yeah, because he can be a little… he’s just *Wario’s voice* “Yeah, I’m a stinker! Hah-hah-hah! *raspberries*”.

He gets to play and be silly, whereas Mario is *Mario’s voice* “Okie-dokie! I’m a really sweet-a guy! I’m the nice-a man, I love-a the princess, woo-hoo!” You know, it’s a very different sort of job.

But, the Mario energy is so free-flowing, it comes up from the ground, and flies into the air while Wario, he’s going *Wario voice ‘Oh, I’m frustrated! I’m gonna get this next time! I’ll get you! I’m-a gonna win!” 

But it’s never so serious, as to be a harmful sort of energy, you know what I mean? That, I think, goes back to Mr. Miyamoto’s belief and my belief that the characters are fun, they’re playful, even in the sort of flaws of their personality.

Even back in his earliest days, he wasn't really evil (or even Bowser-tier evil) so much as he was a weird rival to Mario, an obnoxious brute who got in everyone's way whether he was taking over castles and forests with armies of monsters, or just sticking buckets in Mario's head so he'd have a bad day. Key to Wario’s success is that, as much as he was greatly developed further in the Wario Land and Wario Ware games, very little had to be changed about him to make him work as a protagonist. You kinda get Wario’s deal just by taking a cursory glance at him, even if you somehow don’t know who he’s a cartoon distortion of.

(art by futuristicghost)

The main change was that Wario’s grudge with Mario was downplayed in favor of a supreme arrogance that made him vastly more fun to watch in general (even though he’s never had any games proper, the same thing happened with Waluigi, and his shift from scowling scheming loser to dancing vanity weirdo loser), and also showed how much Mario was unnecessary for Wario’s adventures. He never really stopped being a party-crashing bad guy, we just got more used to him. WarioWare’s been around for 20 years now, and he’s still the closest thing that series has to a bad guy, even though he’s also the main character and everyone’s boss. Wario’s strong personality is his selling point and the reason why they gave him games of his own, it's a compelling feature to build narratives and puzzles and fun around.

It’s one of the main contrasts between him and Mario: Mario is built to fit his games, Wario’s games are built to fit him. He is much more well-defined than Mario partially because he was designed by an effort to make Mario more interesting than just someone who goes around saving princesses and doing things for other people: He was designed by developers who were fed up with the Mario formula and wanted to try something new, something that gave Mario more agency and character and possessions of his own to fight back for: it’s not for nothing that, if he is to be the dark mirror, if he is what Mario cannot be, Wario thus has to be epitome of selfishness and greed.

The team still desired to provide Mario with a new objective, rather than fighting to rescue the princess as seen in most Mario games leading up to that time. 

The game's staff wanted a "change of pace", and decided that Mario should fight to win back something that belongs to him, rather than fighting for "someone else's benefit" - Development on Super Mario Land 2

It’s part of the problem with trying to reverse engineer a reading of Mario’s personality through Wario: Wario’s design is built around spitting on Mario, you’re gonna be working with too strong a bias. Even his very first appearence was built around this: he was stealing Mario’s castle because of jealousy and spite (and not unjustified, going by supplemental comics that showed Mario treating Wario very poorly) over Mario having everything he wanted (Mario never owned castles before or after this, Wario’s theft might as well be punishment for this particular instance of hubris), and they never really dropped the idea that Wario has some kind of unknown childhood beef with Mario that may, or may not, be justified or true.

It’s part of why Wario on his own kinda makes for a lousy villain for Mario specifically: Beating up Bowser makes Mario a hero, while beating up Wario just makes him look petty and even mean (the Camelot cutscenes get around this by making Wario part of a comedy duo with Waluigi, and making it so they’re never really beaten so much as humiliated in karmic fashion for being such meanies, and most of the time the heroes don’t even know they are up to anything). It’s why Wario tends to make for a much better villain to, say, Toad and Wanda, or the WarioWare cast sometimes. On his own as a main villain, he kinda makes Mario look bad in a way that makes Wario less fun and doesn’t really say much of anything about Mario or does anything interesting with him.

He IS the worst of Mario, running rampant throughout the land, and when you get past Wario, Mario’s worst just isn’t that interesting. Yeah yeah, Donkey Kong Jr, the Power Tennis trophy scene, we’ve all sat through those, fuck off MatPat, Bad Mario is a boring idea used by boring people to make boring arguments or stories, the path-of-least resistance to try and make Mario an interesting character. Wario is as good as that idea is ever gonna get, and the absolute best thing they ever did to him was divorce him from Mario and his role as Mario’s Rival and let him exist on his own wacky worlds and games where he’s got nothing to prove and everything to take. Lets him be versatile in ways Mario can’t be, which is a necessary niche to have when Mario’s versatility is so central to what makes him one of the most successful characters ever.

Mario as a character borrows that design philosophy of early 20th century cartoon mascots like Bugs Bunny and yes his inspiration Popeye, of strong designs and catchy personalities left just vague enough that they can be, do or go whatever and wherever you need them to, but with at least one or more hooks to keep people interested. Mario’s is that, even without any dialogue, he looked completely unlike anyone’s preconception of what an adventure hero is supposed to look like (and still don’t, even though so much of videogames as a medium is build around Mario), which makes him an excellent character to throw into Alice in Wonderland weird fantasy realms, and with dialogue, he speaks in a ridiculous friendly falsetto (that was the diferential that got Martinet the role: instead of the Brooklyn gruff guy, he thought of a nice, jolly guy who he wouldn’t be miserable doing for nine hours a day) that is at odds, and in perfect synch, with the way he looks.

Mario is perpetually mismatched with his environment, and it’s part of why his games revolve around carefree exploration and obstacle courses through weird realms and impossible challenges: we want the little guy who shouldn’t be here to beat the odds, and we want to be the little guy who beats the odds. Mario consistently pulls off a pretty difficult trick of characterization where he’s both The Big Iconic Hero everyone looks up to as well as the clown underdog of every fight he’s in, because everything he faces is ten times his size and combat-ready in ways a funny plumber dude isn’t, and so the funny plumber dude goes on to prove himself without having to say much, and you can decide how he goes on about it, even make him shitty if you want to play around.

Videogames are a medium where non-verbal characters get to shine like nowhere else. The Mario RPGs tend to have the best characterization in the series by far (those, and the Camelot cutscenes) and they keep Mario silent even in instances he could be given lines: all the other characters are made better for having to do the heavy lifting with dialogue, bouncing off Mario, who’s holding the fort and giving them their cues. Mario’s made a better character by the fact that he doesn’t have to talk to make himself understood.

(Mario art by Gemma Roman)

I don't think Mario is without personality, I think he has mostly an understated personality, which might be a funny word to use for someone who hoots and hollers cartwheeling all over the place. I think of Mario as a character very similar to Asterix (definitely a go-to reference point if I was gonna write Mario, and Obelix for Luigi too, you’d be surprised at how much they match), in the sense that he’s rarely gonna be the funniest or most dramatic character in any given scene (although he can do that, to surprising effect), he’s surrounded by so much goofy nonsense and such colorful personalities and such dramatic stakes, that having him contrast with those winds up being the best choice. Our hero is a tiny, loving, humble character, not without flaws or excesses, certainly not someone who’s beyond failing or stumbling before reaching the finish line or making a fool of himself, and who’s made better off for it. You need that contrast, you need that guiding point.

To bring things back around I’d say that’s another thing he contrasts and compares with Wario: Both of them are central characters built in ways that free up all the other characters to thrive by contrast. Wario's sheer force-of-personality forces everyone to react to him, which makes for great comedy, while Mario’s happy to let everyone else do the talking, which makes for a more immersive adventure, and both of which allow for good characterization. A small star be the one that shines brightest to guide all the others, or a big laughing black hole of chaos everyone’s being pulled into whether they like it or not.

[chococrepes-art]

Ok, so, idk if anything about Three's personality or character arc or backstory has been confirmed yet but I have a theory that involves Three and One and Two.

So the good guy Three theory (+ Two snapping)

So you remember the BFDIA 11 "Lots of Mud" episode where Fries goes and opens the door with the number 1 on it and then imidietly gets crushed, then Golf Ball goes to the door with the 2 on it and struggles to open the door but she gets burnt after managing to open it, and then Tennis Ball, the only one that was afraid to go and the last one to go, goes to the door with the number 3 on it and finds out that it's perfectly safe?

Well, what if this is an Easter egg for what is going to happen in the show?

We can obviously tell from the start that One has bad or questionable intentions, yet when Basketball tried to warn the others nobody listened, then we have Two, who some people have pointed out that he seems to be loosing their mind or at least degrading emotionally and mentally a little bit, so maybe he will snap and become more bad or do something bad in the future, and then we have Three, who in the episode BFDIA:TPOT 11: Out of the blue (notice how this is also episode 11) has their jail door opened by Match, but instead of imidietly trying to escape Three stays quiet and hidden to not be seen, and then at the end where Purple face is wondering, after Purple Face passes, Three closes their own jail door instead of escaping. I REPEAT: THREE CLOSES THEIR OWN JAIL DOOR INSTEAD OF ESCAPING THE MOMENT THEY GOT THE CHANCE.

If you ask me this is very telling that Three might be the kind of character that seems scary at first but is actually a good person, or at least ok. Since if Three thought that they were In the right or that they didn't deserve to be jailed they would have left the momment they got the chance, the fact that Three closed their own jail means they are capable of understanding that they did or said something very wrong, closing themselves in also implies that Three feels sorry in one way or another or that they feel they are at fault or wrong for what they've done to get there and now regret it. Now what could Three have done to get there? Well if we look at the "X find's out his value" video or the earliest comics it's likely that Three got mad at Five and did something hurtful to Five, or maybe said something horrible (since who knows how algebralien law works) and then Three was jailed inside Four.

Anyways, if my theory is correct then Three probably felt horrible for what they have done/said and wanted to become better or to not be like that anymore, to redeems themself in a way, being the reason why Three could seem scary at first but be actually super awesome. Like a backstory or character development over time explaining why they are the way they are and why they changed. I'm still imagining that Three would still have a short fuse, since that not something that's easy to control, but I think Three would be way better at not acting too harshly when angry after what they've been through.

Oh yeah, also One is probably trying to get Three out of Four without knowing that Three dosen't exactly wanna come out from there.

I had this theory for a while but I didn't post beacouse I wanted to post a video on yt but my voice didn't sound right so I decided to post it here instead. Hope you guys liked it.

[lalaithquetzallicaresi]

ok can you explain why Nymphadora and Remus belong together? It feels like they came out of nowhere in the books

Honestly? No.

I read all the books, every single one, practically as soon as they came out, I've read all of them at least twice, and still that particular pairing took me so much by surprise I actually wondered if I missed something, skipped sections on the story and didn't notice it.

Really, I think the earliest reference I consciously remember seeing (in the books) is in relation to Tonks' patronus, and even then, it's written in such a way that you can think it's related to Sirius being dead. Especially because at that point in the narrative, they were going into that, into Harry's grief over his death.

I think they're the sort of pairing that's supposed to have formed in the background, kind of like Fleur and Bill.

Now, I'm not saying they couldn't have been good together. And I'm saying could and not are/were, because we see so little of them... Tonks clearly cared for Remus deeply, she didn't care at all that he was a wolf, was willing to form a family with him despite how difficult it might be, and that's noble.

He... he wasn't a bad person, though he clearly had his issues, considering that he tried to leave her at least once (or twice, depending on how you see the second time). All the years spent on the edges, not really being part of society clearly affected him, and the way he was raised to believe he was less because of his condition didn't help either. Also, the war going on, the constant danger, didn't do them any favors so...

In my worst days I might even think that they were just there to add to the drama. I mean, I totally understand that it's war, people die, of course. People lose their loved ones, parents lose their children, children their parents, etc. But considering that we didn't see pretty much any of the development of their story straight out. And then the way it ended. It feels like they were just put together to create more drama when they were killed-off in the battle.

The fact that there's even a scene in the movie (which isn't in the books) that seems to show the moment right before they die, and the way they show their bodies afterwards just seems to confirm this theory to me.

So, that's what I think, I could be wrong. And I've no doubt that the big fans of the pairing will love to fight me on my ideas, but that's fine as well. This is, after all, just my opinion. In the end, I'm just a reader, my having an interpretation of what I read doesn't mean it's the only one there can be.

[starsmuserainbow]

1OO IMPORTANT CHARACTER QUESTIONS

taken from beth kinderman and nikki walker’s the 100 most important things to know about your character. a good list to help develop a character’s background, personality, and general aspects.

(Template link here)

PART 1: THE BASICS

What is your full name?

“Ryand'r. On Earth, I have taken up Wildfire for it is easier to pronounce for the humans.”

Where and when were you born?

“Within the castle of Tamaran, after my 2 sisters. The war was still going.”

Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.)

“Myand'r, the Grand Ruler of Tamaran, and Luand'r, his wife. He was a very good ruler, I believe. Very strong and confident and loud enough to convince the people. And mother was great, always supporting him, very caring for us children… but perhaps those descriptions are more wishful thinking than anything else, from me. I have not been many years at home so these might be images of them, and not truly how they were.”

Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like?

“I have not been with them for a long time, until recently. Blackfire has apparently become evil, she seems to always be acting with the intention to bring Starfire suffering or harm. I am very sorry that it has come to this. Starfire is wonderful. She is so happy and strong and open… she makes me happy and feel welcomed and she always helps people and likes to learn new things.”

Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people.

“I don’t really have a living place. I am often staying with friends, sometimes in the T-Tower for example, but it… would feel wrong to get myself my own home here.”

What is your occupation?

“I don’t have any! I am learning about Earth, and enjoying the friendships that I can make here, as… as long as I can.”

Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks.

“I have lighter skin than the typical tamaranean. I have red hair and blue eyes, and I am almost all the time wearing a tamaranean armor that I have possessed for many many years, as well as a similar cloak.”

To which social class do you belong?

“I don’t know of social classes.”

Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?

“I am rather certain that I am weaker than the default tamaranean, although perhaps that is merely because of me thinking so. I am also unable to do the language-assimilation that all tamaraneans are capable of.”

Are you right- or left-handed?

“I think I prefer the left hand.”

What does your voice sound like?

“Um… an odd question. I am not as loud or strong in my voice as I should be.”

What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently?

“I am still learning the earthen languages, so if there are words or phrases I use more frequently than others, it is simply because I do not know another way of saying something. I cannot think of any word or phrase in specific, though.”

What do you have in your pockets?

“A small notebook and a pencil, here. Some money that the people sometimes insist on giving me. This… is a letter. And a communicator, of the Titans.”

Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics?

“Perhaps my stuttering with the earthen languages can be defined as this. I cannot think of anything else.”

PART 2: GROWING UP

How would you describe your childhood in general?

“… I did not have much of it. Not in a typical way. I was sent away from home very early to preserve the royal bloodline for the case that the war would have gone worse, ... and I could not afford being a child after that.”

What is your earliest memory?

“My mother. She was carrying me with her in flight, and singing a song to me.”

How much schooling have you had?

“I did not have much of the typical learning. But I have taken care to learn many things from scrolls and books that the… that I had where I was after Tamaran.”

Did you enjoy school?

“I didn’t experience it for much time. But I think yes, I did.”

Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities?

“By training them myself. I… I was on my own a lot of my time.”

While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them.

“My father. I knew I was to follow in his footsteps eventually, and so I have always admired him. …”

While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family?

“I was not with them very long. I loved my mother and Kori dearly, and I believe they returned such. With what I know of Ari by now, I am uncertain about my connection to her back then.”

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

“There was never the question of what I wanted. I knew my destiny.”

As a child, what were your favorite activities?

“…”

As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display?

“… I don’t know. I lived alone most of the time. I think I was focused on what I was required to do.”

As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like?

“… Must you really ask me to repeat it again and again how isolated I grew up?”

When and with whom was your first kiss?

[[NOTE: I like to take the answer below as default for when it isn't a topic in our threads. If however we're doing our own version of him coming to Earth, or if it works better for like shipping or whatever reason, I won't assume this to have happened, and his answer then would be that he didn't do any first kiss yet.]]

“It was… once I came to Earth. I wasn’t aware of my inability yet since I left Tamaran before it would be tried, and I was hoping to learn the earthen language faster this way. It was with Hay Lin (aerokinesiiss), she has helped me a lot even before we could talk with the other understanding, and I explained it to her. It was… very wonderful, even if it also showed me that I cannot learn the languages in the typical tamaranean way.”

Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity?

If you are a supernatural being (i.e. mage, werewolf, vampire), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. If you are just a normal human, describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today.

“I am not special for a tamaranean.”

PART 3: PAST INFLUENCES

What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?

“… My isolation. Losing everyone, twice.”

Who has had the most influence on you?

“My parents, certainly. Also, the Shallas that were taken because of me, perhaps.”

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

“I didn’t do anything good.”

What is your greatest regret?

“That I left them. That I wasn’t there, when the place was… when they were… I’m sorry.”

What is the most evil thing you have ever done?

“I don’t think I did anything evil.”

Do you have a criminal record of any kind?

“Not that I am aware of, no.”

When was the time you were the most frightened?

“In the capsule… after the ship was destroyed, and I was drifting…”

What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you?

“I don’t know. I can’t think of anything.”

If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why?

“What happened. I want to stay on Tamaran, either, or not lose the Shallas. Because all these experiences were very very painful. And perhaps I would be better now if they would not have happened.”

What is your best memory?

“The togetherness with my mother.”

What is your worst memory?

“Coming back to the village of the Shallas, after… it.”

PART 4: BELIEFS & OPINIONS

Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic?

“I think, I am more pessimistic.”

What is your greatest fear?

“Having those that I care strongly for come to harm, without being able to act against it - or worse, because of me.”

What are your religious views?

“I don’t believe in any religion.”

What are your political views?

“About what?”

What are your views on sex?

Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable?

“It is never right to kill. Even violence alone is always wrong.”

In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do?

“Kill and hurt others. Especially when they are innocent or still children.”

Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love?

“To a degree, yes.”

What do you believe makes a successful life?

“Being happy, having someone around that loves you and that you love.”

How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)?

“I try to be honest. But I sometimes don’t understand what I am feeling or thinking, so it is difficult to be honest about that.”

Do you have any biases or prejudices?

“I don’t think so.”

Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it?

“If the circumstances truly leave no other choice, and it is for saving someone I care for, I would not refuse to do anything needed.”

Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)?

“My family. My friends. Anyone that I love.”

PART 5: RELATIONSHIPS W/OTHERS

In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how?

“I try to be friendly, and polite. Regardless of if I know them or not.”

Who is the most important person in your life, and why?

“Now? Starfire. It was Will (skymade) for a long time, although I was convinced that I had only made her up to have company during my loneliness.”

Who is the person you respect the most, and why?

“Galfore. He is so strong, so capable, he is a good successor of father.”

Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people.

“I don’t know about a best friend. Is it something you must discuss and agree on? I love all my friends much. They are too many to describe.”

Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person.

“I don’t have that, no.”

Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened.

[[NOTE: Connected to the 'first kiss' piece above, same thing applies here, otherwise his answer would be no he hasn't]]

“… She helped me. We couldn’t communicate at all, and she helped me. Without words, without knowing anything. I could have been a danger too, but she helped me. How could I not, how do earthlings say, fall in love?”

What do you look for in a potential lover?

“I don’t want anyone who uses too much violence. Be friendly, help others, have the patience to understand me despite my language difficulties. But, really, the only thing I really want is to love and be loved equally. ... To not be alone anymore.”

How close are you to your family?

“I am growing closer again to Starfire with every time that we meet again. With Blackfire, I doubt that it is possible to grow close to her.”

Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not?

“… It is a nice idea. But I haven’t yet, and I fear doing so. It is difficult, when I will not be able to stay here, when I am often still unsure about understanding my own emotions, and… and the risk of getting a child is also very big.”

Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help?

“Starfire, or Galfore.”

Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why?

“All my friends. And Galfore. Because I know they would do the same for me as I would do for them. I believe Galfore has also sworn it to our father.”

If you died or went missing, who would miss you?

“… I don’t know. I was missing for a long time. I think Starfire would miss me. Perhaps my other friends as well, although I would not want anyone to suffer from missing me.”

Who is the person you despise the most, and why?

“I don’t despise anyone. ... Perhaps the Gordanians, but none in specific.”

Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict?

“I avoid arguing. It is not something I enjoy.”

Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations?

“No. I am not good with social matters.”

Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not?

“Large groups are making me more nervous. I prefer a few friends.”

Do you care what others think of you?

“Yes, but also no. I know it matters most what I think, but… it helps, to know what others think.”

PART 6: LIKES & DISLIKES

What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes?

“I like to watch people. I sit somewhere, at a street many pass, and watch them. Oh, I like drawing, as well. And writing my thoughts down.”

What is your most treasured possession?

“My cloak. It gives me comfort, and it feels to me like mother.”

What is your favorite color?

“I don’t know. I like the less strong ones; is it called pastel?”

What is your favorite food?

“I don’t have a favourite. I’m still learning about the varieties of food.”

What, if anything, do you like to read?

“I read many things to learn the languages. If I could understand it easier, I think I would like to read stories that take me into a different world, into a fantasy.”

What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)?

“As long as I am not alone, I can enjoy it. It is not the entertainment that truly matters to me, it is the company.”

Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit?

“No, I don’t.”

How do you spend a typical Saturday night?

“Not any different than another day. With friends if I can.”

What makes you laugh?

“My friends being happy and joking.”

What, if anything, shocks or offends you?

“Unneeded usage of violence. Verbal insulting is also very rude.”

What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself?

“I would go to a roof, and watch the stars. The view of the stars in the sky has always helped me think.”

How do you deal with stress?

“Not good. It can hinder me a lot.”

Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan?

“I don’t know. Both? I might prefer a plan.”

What are your pet peeves?

PART 7: SELF IMAGES & OTHER

Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted?

“It is not different from the routine of everyone, I assume. Waking, preparing, eating, doing something, eating, perhaps doing something more and eating again, and then prepare for and go to sleep. How I feel about it depends on if the disruption is pleasant.”

What is your greatest strength as a person?

“… I don’t think I have any.”

What is your greatest weakness?

“How much not-tamaranean I am.”

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

“I… I don’t know. Maybe I would make myself more tamaranean. Braver, louder, stronger, more confident. More like father was.”

Are you generally introverted or extroverted?

“Introverted, I think.”

Are you generally organized or messy?

“I think I prefer organization.”

Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at.

“… I don’t think I’m good at anything.

I’m bad at being tamaranean. I’m bad at being convincing. I’m bad at interacting with others.”

Do you like yourself?

“… Not really.”

What are your reasons for being an adventurer (or doing the strange and heroic things that RPG characters do)? Are your real reasons for doing this different than the ones you tell people in public? (If so, detail both sets of reasons…)

“I never really had much of a choice. I explore Earth because I like it here.”

What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime?

“… I don’t know.”

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

“I don’t like to think about it.”

If you could choose, how would you want to die?

“I would like to only die after a long life.”

If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left.

“I would go to my friends. I would go to… who I care for the strongest, and admit that. I want to fill my last bit of time with as much as I can.”

What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death?

“I don’t know. I can’t think of anything.”

What three words best describe your personality?

“Shy. Weak. Hesitating.”

What three words would others probably use to describe you?

“Un-tamaranean. Weak. Incapable.”

If you could, what advice would you, the player, give to your character? (You might even want to speak as if he or she were sitting right here in front of you, and use proper tone so he or she might heed your advice…)

Oh Ry, my poor sweet little Ry. All that I really would need to give him as advice, though I know that it won’t help a thing, is that he needs to stop thinking so low of himself. He needs to understand and accept that he is capable, that his differences to the typical tamaranean might even be good for a change for a Ruler, that there is nothing wrong with being different.

[lowcountry-gothic]

Why the High Republic may be my favorite Star Wars era

In some ways I’m not all that surprised, but honestly it pains me a lot that there’s so little awareness and enjoyment of the Star Wars: High Republic book series. As a fan of all three trilogy eras, as well as of the many TV series, the High Republic may be the most fun I’ve had experiencing stories set in this galaxy, for a lot of reasons. For those who don’t know, it’s a series of books (adult novels, YA novels, and middle-grade novels, all of which are honestly worth reading) and comics set 200-350 years before the prequel era, during the Golden Age of the Jedi.

The Jedi of this period are somehow both more morally complex and highly nuanced characters than those of the films, and more optimistic. It’s impossible to be cynical about them. They struggle with personal flaws and weaknesses more than any other Jedi I’ve seen or read, including temptations to the Dark Side. They feel romantic and sexual attraction (though some are asexual/aromantic), and wonder if they truly belong in the Jedi order. They struggle to process their emotions and remain aware of their implicit biases. They deeply question their culpability when things go wrong. And yet—perhaps more because of than despite this complexity—they also feel more heroic, more purely good. Their love of and dedication to all life, even the lives of their enemies, is mystical and beautiful. And their ability, often collective, to accomplish amazing feats with the Force (beyond much of what we see in any era of the films) doesn’t feel like “Force creep” because these Jedi—in their morality, complexity, their philosophy, their ethics, and sheer goodness—really do feel like they live in the Golden Age of the order.

The villains, too—primarily the Nihil, a horde of space marauders—feel more relevant. In contrast to the Sith, who can often come off as simplistic machines of hatred (which, don’t get me wrong, is still mythically rich, not to mention interesting as a metaphor for the harm caused by the emotionally-activated ego), we have a creepy, highly ideological cult slowly morphing into a movement of bitter, vengeful marauders bent on destroying what they hate. This touches on something I’ve always loved about Star Wars stories: their political relevance and applicability. I’ve never understood people who complain about too much politics in the prequels. I love it. It’s always been in the blood of these stories, from the very beginning. Connections can be drawn between the Nihil and the Path of the Open Hand to the alt-right, to religious extremism, and even to January 6th insurrectionists. There are also parallels between the era’s two major hyperspace prospecting families, the Grafs and San Tekkas, and billionaires who get rich off of the labor of others, controlling resources that should be public.

There’s also so much variety in terms of genre. The comics are good, old-fashioned adventures. The kids’ comics (The High Republic Adventures) and YA/middle grade books feature young people who really feel like they’re in the process of becoming themselves and finding their way in a huge galaxy. The novels are mostly adventure/thrillers, with a respectable amount of horror (the Nameless, and to a lesser extent, the Drengir) thrown in for good measure. And though it could be a bit more developed, there are even moments of romance in some of the books, both straight and queer.

Additionally, there’s so much interesting worldbuilding going on. Being set so far in the past, there are noticeable technology differences between this and the prequel period, that limit the characters and their stories in interesting ways. It’s believed impossible in this era, for example, to build a machine that pulls a ship out of hyperspace by using a gravity well, yet we know this is something that’s done in later eras. And in the earliest periods of the High Republic (Phase II, which flashes back to 150 years before Phase I), the galaxy is still being explored and mapped, and routes between certain areas are unknown and dangerous. Exploration and “prospecting” for safe hyperspace lanes is a major activity. Communications are still spotty, so you can’t just send a holo message anywhere in the galaxy you want, like you can in the prequels and afterwards; not without it having to be relayed several times before it gets to its destination, and sometimes not at all if there’s no reliable communications beacon nearby. These differences in tech between eras make the galaxy and its history feel realistic, more lived-in. The High Republic really feels like a different period in time than any of the later trilogies feel distinct from each other.

Finally, the themes. These stories are all about the inherent goodness in life—life in any and all races, species, genders, sexualities, or understandings of the Force. It’s about the harm caused by fear and repression. It’s about the destructive capacity of vengeance and resentment, and of economic displacement. And it’s about hope in the face of the truly hopeless. About the potential of all life for goodness, selflessness, and heroism, and the inherent value of the ordinary. You can find a lot of that in most Star Wars stories, but there’s something extra here that I personally find so pure and undistilled about these books. Maybe because they’re not just the vision of one or two writers, but of a whole team working together, a team that’s constantly expanding, constantly handing the microphone to new voices, so that the galaxy really does feel like a beautiful and many-textured place.

[hummingbird-games]

Dev Diaries

October 1, 2023

My goodness, it's the first devlog post-Crushed release!! How did that happen???

And where the heck has 2023 gone?!?! 🙃

Okay, pausing--for like four seconds--on the sillies, I've got some updates for y'all, so have a seat and get comfy.

Crushed updated build is out!!!

Now with the rest of the partial voice acting!!!

It was a super fun experience with the VA and I giggled a lot to hear the words I wrote spoken into existence. I think the next project I work on with voice work will also be partial. However, I can't imagine doing a whole game with full voice work. I can feel the mental break down from that possibility making its descent....

The postmortem was longer than I anticipated it to be, so it shall be posted separately (and with a read more for your scrolling needs) sometime! I go into (more) details on my inspiration and the process from hesitant idea, to jam entry, to a full-blown game, and all the heartbreak and burnout and catharsis in between!

You can also search 'gamedev rambles' or 'crushed vn' where I've already blabbed about Development Tingz LOL.

2. The HBG Twitter account has been nuked.

Yeah. Apologies if this is how you're finding out about it. I honestly have no idea where my audience is located as y'all are a quiet (but supportive) bunch. But for me as a player, it hurts because many of my peers are only on or are most active on Twitter.

However, me and the bird app have been at odds for a while so I guess it was just a matter of time... 🥲

3. Game Jam Gemini Mode

Alright, time to get serious-serious. (HA!)

While I was Fighting The Good Fight concerning getting Crushed up before the summer ended, I started dropping hints about the next project I wanted to work on with Yuri Jam (and Once Upon A Time jam) coming up.

Well. After giving it some thought, forcing myself to pause long enough to breathe, catching up on personal reading and other things, and again, giving it more thought: nope.

I could ignore this decision which I hate and push on anyway, but the consequences are not ones I want to deal with, nor will I be physically able to handle. (Yes, this is a direct reference to my health lol).

My plan about this time was to start reaching out to people and create a team--given that I banged out a script at lighting speed just so I knew what roles I needed and was prepared. I'm still not sure where that burst of frenzied energy came from, but it's gone now.

And then in between making Crushed live and getting the first voiced update done, I started to feel really weird. Like "Hello, Anxiety My Old Friend" weird. And I kept berating myself for dragging my feet, especially as Yuri Jam (and OUAT) are so 'chill' and 'easy-going' and why was I still freaking out? What was wrong with me???

Anyway, once the last voiced update went live, it hit me how utterly exhausted I was. Still am(?) So it's insane to think I was somehow going to have enough energy to lead a whole ass team to create one more project before the year ends. Even if said project was under 5k words.

Even as I write this saying I'm done, a part of me keeping scheming up ways to make it work.

But I wouldn't be doing it for the right reasons anyway (i.e. feeling like I should participate in more jams because every other developer is and I'm a bad indie dev if I don't, and feeling this desperation to prove I can tell other kinds of stories. ahahahaha)

A L S O I am broke 😂 And money talks louder than anything else!! This was the year--and continues to be the year-- of medical expenses and emergencies so like...gotta recover from that too.

The Knight Dance (my short Yuri idea) shall return, but next year at the earliest. And who knows? It might benefit from me not working on it now. Or that's what I'm telling myself so my brain will chill.

4. Tackling Ko-fi

I keep saying I'm going to start putting content on ko-fi, or posts, or something, and I keep proving to be a liar. That ends soon!

I've been playing around with the idea of adding both content for subs and one-time donators as well as free content, these things all exclusive to ko-fi. So there's an incentive to you guys to visit and an incentive for me to keep up with it.

There's a lot to the world of HSD/Crushed that just didn't make it into the games, and probably won't for a while, and then there are drabbles and longer stories that would be fun to write and share for anyone who's curious.

Okay!!!

In conclusion!!!

Go play Crushed!! Go support some game Kickstarters!! Go support a Pateron/Ko-fi of your fave creator!! Go replay some games!!

And watch this space for the Crushed postmortem and my yearly games & demos wrap up!!

And maaaaaaaybe catch me on the sideblog where I embody the cringe gamer girl I truly am???

~ Gemini