#it's something I'm genuinely interested in that's not too draining in a city I like thats like twenty minutes away per train from a city

[starpros-sunshine]

Looking for universities is such a chore man

[the-way-astray]

are you going to tell us your thoughts on the unraveled excerpt or not

well now i have to don't i (though i did reblog a couple of other people's posts with thoughts). this was not supposed to be this long, but as i was going along i had several thoughts, sorry. spoilers for virtually every aspect of the excerpt under the cut (but minor spoilers overall, if you ask me):

"kingdom of lumenaria" was definitely written by ai. who edits these. i know that has zilch to do with the actual excerpt but i need to say it

keefe snuggling the tree was cute. strieefe shippers this is not a safe space for you

he's obviously in a forest somewhere, which is interesting to me. i guess i didn't imagine him living rogue. i envisioned him being in the forbidden cities the entire time. maybe not having the best time of it, but i didn't expect him to be living off the land, as they say. it just doesn't fit kotlc's vibe. so that was interesting. whether i like or don't like that is something i'll only be able to say with more context, but it's different for sure

my first thought when he saw the animal prints was that this was the scene where he meets the fox, but on a reread i saw that he said the prints "did not look [] tiny", and fox prints are relatively tiny. he might've seen a bear instead

the fact that he's super, super cold but does not once think about regulating his body temperature, something he himself said was incredibly useful in flashback, points to the fact that he's too physically or mentally drained to use it or even think about using it. so i'm curious about whatever scene came directly before this

he does think about levitation, though. so. clearly he has enough energy for that

"otherwise he'd go splat!" was the second worst line in this excerpt. the second i saw it i went. ah. why is that exclamation point there . . .

he seems to be worried about people finding him, which to me seems like a worry he'd only have toward the beginning of the book. i'd wager that this scene happens during the days he spends back-to-back light-leaping, as mentioned in stellarlune

i need dex to make keefe a panic switch. i need it to be teal. for. reasons

"he should be totally untraceable" keep believing that buddy

keefe pouring energy into trying to block an unblockable person from getting into his head is. weird. to me. you see him try to block her and then immediately after you get a monologue about how she's unblockable. weird waste of words, if you ask me

oh, boy, here comes the sokeefe

i thought it wouldn't be bad because for a while all he talks about is how he likes speaking to her telepathically. so i was like. oh, okay, i can handle this. this is cute. i get why this is the scene the marketing pushed. it gives fans a crumb of the story, while also remaining so vague about the actual plot that it won't spoil anything major

but then he started talking about the letter . . . it all goes downhill from there

i have a pet peeve for the way everyone around sophie claims she's "oblivious", which i don't believe to be the case at all. i genuinely don't think she's oblivious, which i've talked about. and even if it was a valid argument, i hate that it gets brought up so. much. and almost always feels like it's shaming sophie. can we leave it alone. so this point i was rolling my eyes

keefe thinking about sophie peeing through her leggings was! not! it! thank you, shannon! i did not! need that! this was the worst line in the excerpt. but also i wasn't surprised. idk what you all expected from keefe "king of cringy potty humor" sencen

speaking of middle names. i did briefly wonder before reading this excerpt whether the revelation would be made in it, because it isn't really plot-relevant (unless it is? idk) but also enough of a revelation to get people talking and hyped. but i was wrong

the weird sophitz bashing was. sigh. i've talked about this before, but jealousy isn't a character flaw to me, it's only the actions a character takes because of their jealousy that determines whether or not it's a character flaw. so this isn't really something that's objectively wrong with keefe, but it does grate on me all the same

it's annoying to me that keefe is convinced fitz is the one in the wrong and the reason sophitz broke down, though. i've talked about this before, but i would put roughly 90% of the blame of sophitz falling apart on sophie. it was mostly her fault. so the fact that keefe thinks that fitz needs to do all the groveling, when, realistically speaking, sophie should have to do a shit ton of it too, makes me go. sigh. typical keefe

i don't like keefe's mental image of sophie. i'll have more thoughts about this in the part two rant, but it feels incredibly dumbed down and feels like he sees her as a lot less mature and strong than she really is, and makes her seem more weak and silly. fin touches on that a little bit in this post, if you want more details. but the weirdly infantilized mental image of sophie continues in this excerpt. you can see that when he pictures fitz and sophie kissing, she bites her lip and idk that feels incredibly stereotypically like. adorable and soft and immature and cute. if that makes sense

the monologue about how sophie deserved to choose whoever she wanted without keefe shoving himself into her face is another symptom of shannon's immense capacity to show and not tell how sweet and perfect keefe is. i talked about this a lot in my rant, but keefe's actions portray him as pretty much the exact opposite of what he says here. he puts down fitz, he bolsters his own relationship with sophie, he assumes sophie will end up with him one day anyway, and so on. so to see that continue here, and to know that sokeefe stans will undoubtedly use this as evidence to continue to be delusional about their favorite guy, was. not fun for me

"he understood foster's feelings even better than she did" had me banging my head into the wall. tied with the peeing line for worst line in the excerpt. i hate this. it's inherently invalidating, and i despise the head-heart theory as a concept in general. probably this also ties into my hatred for sophie's "obliviousness"; i just don't like this idea that it's possible to know someone's emotions better than. they know their own emotions. to even say that is something that's just supremely, immensely invalidating, in and of itself. this post, also by fin, comes to mind. he explains it much better than i am right now. but anyway. thanks for taking sophie's agency to know what she's feeling away from her i guess. sure. make keefe the expert on sophie. this will end well

and then he continues to monologue about sophitz. which is like. i get he's jealous. but this is over the top

the line about how he hadn't been able to hang out with humans for long before he snapped intrigues me. maybe that's the scene before this one. idk

"not this pathetic angst" i hope shannon listens to that for the rest of the book

[fitzrove]

hello duchess of fitzrovia,, I see on your Mate interview translation video that you learned german for 3 years before being able to translate the video. may I ask how you learned? do you have any tips? thanks and stay well!!

Hii, thanks for asking! :D

This got long, so TL;DR:

1) Immerse yourself by putting yourself into situations where you truly have to speak/try to understand German to get through it. (Can be "I desperately want to understand this information I found online, but I won't unless I decipher and translate it".)

2) For listening and reading: Seek out a topic area you're genuinely interested in and learn about that in German. (I've never found Duolingo or other apps like that super helpful or interesting/motivating...)

3) For speaking practice especially, consider "real" language courses! For pronunciation, consider making musical cover songs your hobby xD (This is genuinely how I've gotten most of my pronunciation practice.)

I've been passively learning German for about 8 years now (started listening to German-language musicals in 2016), but I did only start learning actively and with intent in 2021. My "official" studies have been:

An A1 basic course in 2021 (6 weeks, 2ish hours a week)

A B1.2 Goethe course in 2023 (10 weeks, 2 hours a week)

A failed attempt at a B2.2 course in 2024 (stopped going because I got too busy with uni), and another B2.2 attempt that I'm currently completing :D

However, I would say that I've learned most of the language on my own, from watching musicals and interviews, reading books, articles and blog posts, and finally immersion - moving to Germany into a city where a lot of basic life things won't get done if you can't speak the language. For example: my apartment building caretaker (who gave me the keys and who I needed to call to fix my shower drain a month in) didn't speak any English, and neither did people at the tax bureau, town hall, supermarket, regional theatres... On trains, some important announcements will only be given in German, and some museums don't give all of their guided tours in English. This has been a huge help for me - sometimes it's a headache, but it does teach you a lot!!!

The major advantage in taking courses, though, is that there's 1) someone to motivate/"force" you to do vocab and grammar exercises, 2) someone to give feedback and corrections, 3) a group to practice speaking with. The last point has been the most helpful for me, I think, because learning super eclectically means that my skills are kind of unbalanced... I read academic texts really well if I can look up individual words & I understand speech in most situations, but I struggle a lot with grammar and independent writing, and I used to be nervous speaking before starting to practice more formally in a classroom setting where there's help.

I think the most important tip I can give is to just dive in - force yourself into situations where the only way you get what you want is by speaking German or figuring out what words mean :D I picked up basic vocabulary and phrases from listening to musicals and reading transcriptions (important!) and translations of the songs I was listening to, and from there, it was easy to expand. For reading, I really recommend finding something that you're organically interested in otherwise (for me it's been 19th century history research and primary sources from that era, as well as musical theatre stuff); for listening, I recommend looking up documentaries/music/movies that you would also watch if they were in English. In many language classes they will purposefully teach you about German/DACH culture and show students "classics" from those countries, and while that's also important, I think for independent learning it's more effective to find something that you're really, genuinely personally passionate about.

I still Deepl difficult words and make a huge amount of grammar mistakes when speaking (my current course includes one-on-one discussion hours with the teacher which has been so helpful, but she needs to interrupt me about once a minute with "syntax... SYNTAX!!" xD) but I get complimented a lot on my German skills, largely due to the fact that I speak confidently despite the mistakes & have a decent accent >:)

[claireelizabethsblog]

~ January's Books Reviewed ~

January was a good month in regards to reading. Due to a lack of other obligations I read a lot, including completing a series that I had started the previous year.

Oathbringer pt 1 & 2 by Brandon Sanderson

(635 & 756 pages)

I am absolutely obsessed with this series. I read it under recommendation from a friend actually here on tumblr and I'm so happy I did. Sanderson's world is incredible, his characters are beautiful and the plot is intriguing and captivating. I genuinely would go as far as to say that Sanderson might be one of (if not the) best fantasy writers I have ever read. I did enjoy the first book in this series (The Way Of The Kings) the most I think, however I loved the character development of Shallan in this book. I would highly recommend this series to anyone who enjoys fantasy or found family books. They are a big commitment and can be a little heavy getting into since it's a lot of world building, but I would say entirely worth it.

I gave both these books 4 stars ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

The Last Smile in Sunderland City by Luke Arnold

(316 pages)

I confess that I read this while waiting for the last Sanderson books to come so I was perhaps not in the head space to read something else, however I was a little disappointed by it. It wasn't bad by any stretch, however it was not what I was expecting. It was still a fairly light hearted mystery, however it was not as humorous as I was anticipating, and the mystery plot was strangely almost not the main focus, instead it became more of a character study, or political commentary. It was a really quick read however (I completed it in a day) and I'm glad I did read it. I'd recommend it to anyone who is maybe looking for a quick, easy first try at a fantasy book. The world building isn't as heavy as other fantasy novels and as it is a stand alone it's an easier first step into the genre than some other tombs of books!

I gave this book 3 stars ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Rhythm of War part 1 & 2 by Brandon Sanderson

(659 & 742 pages)

I am not a crier generally, so when I say that the start of this book made me actually fully sob I hope that that acts as a stronger review than any words I could say. It was emotional and so well written, especially the depiction of ptsd and depression. I really appreciated how fresh the story still felt. This is the fourth book in this series and it would have been so easy to just keep working in a formula that Sanderson knew had worked with the big battle scenes etc, instead (despite the name: Rhythm of War), this story moved away slightly for the war and fighting and instead showed a different form of tension. This kept the story exciting in my opinion, especially as I am much more inclined towards reading more subtle/undercover style fights than big battles. Some story lines were more interesting than others, but overall I felt this was an emotionally draining and addictive finale to the series.... that is until I realised that apparently their might still be more to come?! Either way, my comments from the previous book remain - I would highly highly recommend this series.

I gave both these books 4 stars ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

A Sicilian Romance by Ann Radcliffe

(167 pages)

I know this is a classic. I know it is probably the original psychological horror. And I have so much respect for Radcliffe for that, however I did not find this book that enjoyable to read. It was simultaneously dreadfully slow and dull; and horribly complex. In theory, the idea behind it and the plot intrigued me but the characters were annoying and the style of writing was not engaging enough for me. If you like psychological horror books, I would recommend this, since it is where the genre started. It's a quick read for anyone who's wanting to tick classics off their list too.

I gave this book 2 stars ⭐ ⭐

The Atlas Six by Olivie Blake

(506 pages)

SOOO good! I loved the premise, and the characters are all so interesting and compelling. Some of them I despise with a burning passion, but in a good way! An incredible start to a trilogy as I finished filled with a desperate excitement to find out what happens next. I genuinely cannot reiterate how much I loved this book and how I would recommend it to everyone who in anyway feels inclined to reading anything in the realms of fantasy, mystery or general magic. I repeat: so so good!

I gave this book 5 stars ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

The Atlas Paradox by Olive Blake

(399 pages [hardback vers.])

Funnily enough, still so so good! I am obsessed with this trilogy and honestly the only bad thing about it might be the fact that I'm going to have to wait for the final book as it isn't published yet! I will say that I think I probably preferred the first one, but that is likely in part due to the fact that I read it a little quicker. In general, I find it is unusual to find a sequel that lives up to its predecessor so well like this. Again, I cannot recommend this enough.

I gave this book 5 stars ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

[amoirsetpacis]

im psyched as hell for this event and i have a bunch of ideas rattling around in my head, so here's my starter call! for now just so that I dont overwhelm myself (esp. since i've already liked some other starter calls) i'm capping at 5. HOWEVER, I would also like to add 1 slot for a group rp! i'm really hoping to make a sort of light party! if anyone else is interested in this please let me know by replying to this post! i'll be happy to make a group dm or something.

I'll most likely also be popping into your dms for quick and dirty plotting! mostly though i just fly by the seat of my pants

as a side note, please read the text under the read more for more of an understanding of Vash's powers! since everything is unlocked for the event and I definitely have One Self Sacrificing Boy on my hands, there's a lot of stuff I wanna play around with! Plus, ideas for each area of the event. :)

when the announcement hits, I think that Vash is genuinely worried about Ofiuco because of how rattled she seemed- and, by extension, the rest of the island. In his mind, it's really important to go down there and figure out what exactly is wrong, and if he can stop it before it potentially harms anyone. the money is a perk too-- bullets arent cheap.

I really wanna approach it like levels in a video game! so i'd really like to go in order of the event post- therefore fantasy > sea > space > jungle. That being said, the main reason i'll probably pop into your dms is to see which setting you would be most comfortable with :) considering the rpg nature of the event, vash would do best as a ranged character, but he will most definitely try to tank so no one else gets hurt :')

BIOMES:

fantasy - honestly this is the one that I have the least amount of ideas for, so if you have any let me know! if this is the setting you prefer, I can still definitely come up with something.

space - OOOOOHHHHH BUDDY. oh man. first of all, vash hasn't been back in space since he was a child, so that'll be. fun. :) second, because his powers are back and he uh. doesn't exactly take good care of his wellbeing, he would most definitely use his abilities to defend others, even though there is a high likelihood of this killing him and sending him back to the start. this is also the area i would be the most interested in doing a group rp! be not afraid :)

sea - mom holy fuck we're a merman now. vash coming from a desert planet and suddenly being thrust into the depths of the ocean??? what could go wrong????

jungle - oh absolute shenanigans. tomfoolery. loony toons bullshit.

ABILITIES

i'm not gonna go into full detail here, as you can find a much more in-depth description on my blog, but here's a quick rundown!

First off, weaponry, all of which he is extremely proficient at using;

.45 colt

machine gun in his left arm

knives in the soles of his boots

now, his abilities as a Plant;

defensive angel feathers

flight capable wings

space time distortion - both en mass in the form of a gigantic canon capable of leveling entire cities and blowing a hole in the moon, as well as infusing his bullets with the ability to create much smaller, more manageable distortions

shielding - he's shown in the series to send out a giant beam of power as well as cast an enormous shield, though this was only one time, so it's not something i think he would be skilled with using.

this being said my vash is post series. the reason that he has black hair instead of blond is that using these abilities drains his life force. his hair acts as a sort of battery symbol. since it is entirely black, extensive use of any of these abilities can easily kill him. :) so have fun with that!

[qqueenofhades]

Hilary, I’m requesting 73. “You do have a stupid face” for Garcia and Wyatt because it’s perfect for them. :) Shippy or gen. But no pressure, and only if you have time and interest. 😘💙

Thank you for considering it—and thank you for your political posts, too.🤗

They've been drinking for a while, steadily, since Wyatt brought over the six-pack and they've sat in silent commiseration in Flynn's hotel room, staring over the San Francisco city lights. Normally, three beers are only enough to get Flynn to the edge of buzzed, but what with everything, his tolerance is shot and he’s approaching genuinely tipsy. They haven't said anything. There's nothing to say. Far away from the bright lights and breathless news about Connor's funeral, the question as to how Mason-Carlin Industries and Silicon Valley itself can stand to go on, all that Flynn can hear is the endless howl of rage and blame and grief in his head. He said, he swore, he was never going to let this happen again, and now it has. What the hell does that make him?

"So," Flynn says, startling both of them with the sound of his voice in the antiseptic rush of the air conditioner. He drains the last dregs of the bottle and sets it aside. "Rufus is never going to forgive me."

"Aw, come on, man." Wyatt sips meditatively, not looking around. "I don't think so. Rufus loves you, and it... it wasn't your fault."

"Valkyrie killed Connor. Iris -- " Flynn almost chokes with grief over his daughter's name, how little he has been able to utter it aloud, like something that's going to evaporate into mist and darkness yet again, and leave him to wake up with nothing. "Iris works for Valkyrie, and I didn't -- I didn't stop her, or it, or them. I just kept thinking that if -- "

"Hey, man. Hey." At that, Wyatt looks at him, his face slanted in strips of light and shadow from the venetian blinds. "You saw what was in front of you, you wanted to save your daughter, and you did whatever you had to do. I'm pretty damn sure that I'm the last, the last member of this fam -- this team -- who gets to tell you off for that. Connor knew the risks. We all did." He pauses, amends. "We all do."

"Maybe." This doesn't soothe the fevered part of Flynn that's still desperate to blame himself, to take away the pain from everyone else, to at least give them the satisfaction of throwing the guilt at a familiar enemy. He's not, not anymore, but sometimes he thinks that it would be easier for all of them if he was. "So what does that make us, then? A couple of total idiots who keep being selfishly willing to burn down the whole world, if it gets our dead kids back?"

"The idiot part definitely isn't in question, huh?" Wyatt's mouth quirks, very dry. "Look, I don't know what's going to happen with Iris, and I don't know what's going to happen with S-Sarah." He stumbles a little himself. "But at least we know that they're together, right? When we went to Macau and met Ching Shih, when Iris was trying to save her. So whatever we screwed up, at least they met each other in Valkyrie's future. Maybe that's worth something. They were there for each other, even if we couldn't be there for them."

"Yes, I suppose, but -- " At that, Flynn stops, looking at Wyatt in astonishment. "Wait a minute, did you just say something helpful?"

Wyatt shrugs. "It's been known to happen. But honestly, don't be too hard on yourself. Fatherhood is hard, man. Fatherhood with fuckin' time travel? Even worse."

"You're not wrong." Flynn is forced into a reluctant chuckle. "I -- thanks, Logan. Truly. For the beers, and your stupid face."

"Oh?" Wyatt arches an eyebrow. "That's the thanks I get?"

"Well, you do have a stupid face." Flynn feels a little better on this familiar territory of sharp-edged bickering, and knows that Wyatt has steered it here on purpose, to give that comfort and take his good-natured lumps, the way they don't actually want to hurt each other anymore, not really, not now. "But I appreciate it."

"You're welcome." Wyatt says it simply, without pretension, then gets to his feet. "I'm going to take off now. Don't get into too much trouble. I'll see you at work tomorrow."

Right, Flynn thinks. Work. As if anything can be the same without Connor, but they're going to have to carry on. See the fight through to the end. Stop Valkyrie, and save Iris and Sarah. If it's possible. If they still can. Garcia Flynn has never particularly been an optimist, or seen the best in people, or any of that cheery stuff, but the one thing he does know is how to fight past all human understanding, for what he believes to be good and right and true. He can't stop now. None of them can. In that, Wyatt's right. All of them, Connor included, knew what this was going to cost. The only way to honor him is to pay.

"Are you driving?" Flynn asks. "You've had three beers too, so -- "

"I'll get an Uber." Wyatt smiles crookedly. "Don't worry about me, buddy. Get some sleep."

When he's gone, and Flynn is alone again in the vastness of the silence, looking at his suitcases and his scattered things and everything else that he hasn't dared to unpack out of fear that he's just going to have to run again, he lets out a long breath, shucks off his crumpled funeral suit, puts on his pajamas, and settles on the bed. He didn't think he was going to sleep at all tonight, but maybe he will. And for that, he's grateful to, of all people, Wyatt Logan and his undoubtedly very stupid face. What was it he said, or started to say, before catching himself? This fam -- this team.

Well, Flynn thinks. Well then. How about that, indeed.

And at last, for now, he rests.

[fic prompts]

[honeytea8]

Virtue & Vice • Dio Brando/Reader

A/N: Discord prompt for the week was Masquerade AU, so I decided to write for Dio Brando, using @sammystep’s beautiful bedroom and mask renders as inspiration 😏 (seriously, they are amazing, so check them out at the end of the fic!!); Also written to be gender neutral, so please let me know if I messed up anywhere!

Word Count: 2.9K

Summary: With your estranged cousin in a town full of rumors and ghost stories, it’s rather obvious you’re in for an interesting weekend. Somehow, you catch the eye of an insatiable beast, and whether you manage to survive him is left completely up to you.

Warnings/Disclaimers: Subtle references to Stone Ocean, heavily implied sexual content, Dio monologuing lol

In every city you’ve visited, there was always talk, and by talk, you meant gossip. Grapevines grew from thin air, spreading until the town was entangled in a sickness you liked to call Hearsay. You had witnessed this far too many times in the past, the novelty having worn off a long time ago. But on occasion, you liked to lend an ear to the particularly interesting ones—stories that left you searching for that innocuous sliver of truth amidst fairy tale.

Most times, however, it was merely a drunk spewing his usual nonsense to any person willing to listen. You were rarely ever an audience to such. Still, nothing quite chilled your bones like the tale recounted by one of the strangest men you’ve ever met.

It had been late in the evening, but not too late that the barmaid was not still serving homemade pies and cold drinks to her patrons.

A man only a few years older than yourself was perched on a rickety wooden chair nearby; it gave a high-pitched squeak every time he shifted. He had been there upon your arrival and would likely be there after you were gone. His clothes were drenched in sweat, boots caked in mud. You noticed him observing you from under the brim of his ten-gallon hat, though the rest of his face remained hidden. The nearest available seat just so happened to be right by his own, you hesitated, but ultimately took it.

Your fingers were frozen like cubes of ice and you breathed on them in a fruitless attempt to help them thaw. The barmaid made her rounds and eventually came to you. Only then were you able to order something to warm you up, a simple cup of coffee would suffice. You sat silent and unassuming, content with minding your own business until a gruff voice reached out to you, almost as if his words grew an arm and gripped your shoulder.

“Yer face,” he muttered in your direction. “S’like someone I can trust.”

You blinked at him. The implications behind his words were not lost on you. In fact, it was something you heard quite often. For your own mother had delivered you into a cruel world, and was quick to brand you with a trademark that has followed you for as long as you could recall: an angel.

In return, people seemed to gravitate towards you—were always intrigued by you, listening and speaking to you, soothed by your very nature and presence. It was a gift, you supposed. And like any gift, you preferred to use it for good. Whether it be to share in another’s burdens, or to relieve them of it entirely.

“Is there something you would like to share?” you replied back.

He hummed, then took a long swig of his whiskey in preparation. “Yeah, somethin's kept me up fer days actually.”

“What has?”

“I used ‘ta butle for a lord here in this town—hmm, well ta be frank it was only for a lil’ while... was dismissed soon after.”

The man continued without giving any clear answer to your question, but you assumed a bit of patience would grant you the full story.

“I'm sorry about your job.” you said out of courtesy, but he waved you off.

“Don’t be. S’better this way.” he took another sip, draining the glass in one go and waved for another round. “You believe in heaven?”

“Heaven? Like… the place where good people go when they pass on...? I—I’m not too sure.”

“S’alright.” he smiled for the first time, wide lips stretching across his face handsomely. He looked rather boyish with his half dimple and cleft chin. His expression was almost endearing. You figured he might’ve been quite the charmer when sober. “Name’s Hol Horse, by the way.”

“Hol Horse, it's a pleasure to meet you.”

You introduced yourself as well, to which he tipped his hat in greeting. The whole exchange was rather odd, but you went along with it for the sake of your own budding curiosity.

Hol Horse cast a wary glance around the room. You too chanced a brief look, but not as thoroughly as your companion. Obviously, no one was listening. You smiled and silently encouraged him to surrender the burden laying heavy on his conscience.

Hol Horse gave you his story. Some parts he gave in detail—others he offered in threadbare comments, giving only the minimum for you to catch the gist. From what you could piece together, he had worked as a servant under a young lord in the countryside. It was a large estate left behind by a ‘Sir Joestar’ who had passed away many years ago due to illness. His only adopted son was left to inherit the fortune, along with several of the businesses in town. That was as far as Hol Horse knew, more surprisingly, he had never even laid eyes on his employer during his tenure. Any and every form of correspondence was made through the lord's right hand.

At one point, you were beginning to wonder what picture Hol Horse was trying to paint here. Why did any of this matter? Regardless, it was the earnest pull of his voice that kept you rooted to your seat. That, and the fact that he had seemed to grow even more...disturbed the longer he spoke. His brows were pinched while he thought, showing his great displeasure. You truly hoped, for his sake, that confessing whatever was killing him inside would finally put his heart at ease.

In a lowered tone, he revealed the true cause of his troubles. He had spotted a number of bloodied sheets being carted away from his lord’s sleeping quarters, men and women’s clothing torn to shreds and disposed of in an incinerator. Certain staff members with superhuman strengths and abilities. Phantoms, ghosts, demonic spirits. All culminated by the devastating amount of missing persons. These were some serious, and if you were honest, strange allegations.

“My apologies,” you interrupted, “but I’m not sure I follow.”

“I’m sayin’ that some crazy shit’s goin’ on in this town, and I wouldn’t feel too inclined ta stay if I were you.”

You pursed your lips, far too stunned for words.

“Heaven.” he uttered like a curse. There was a sudden quiver in his lips, that sent a chill racing down your spine. It wasn’t just about ‘heaven’. More specifically, Hol Horse was convinced there existed a way to call it forth.

The sheer ridiculousness of this statement seized your attention. The man was so obviously intoxicated, but spoke like these were irrefutable facts that he too struggled to come to terms with.

A heaven within the reach of mere mortals? Powers no man had any business wielding? It was absolutely ludicrous! But your gut, which had saved you countless times in the past, urged you to not cast this tale aside.

You wondered if this made you a fool.

.

.

.

You had only come to this town per invitation from a distant, older cousin. And while distant by blood, she was also distant to you in nearly every other aspect as well. You and your cousin, Gwess, scarcely saw one another due to a series of familial barriers. By all accounts, you should be wary of her, but she was also newly married now, and you supposed her only desire was to rekindle your long-neglected relationship.

Marriage, children, a home—it had a way of changing people. You were unsure if you could genuinely relate to her feelings, but you would not stop her from trying to rebuild something, even if that something had never truly existed in the first place.

For whatever reasons, your cousin had you set up in a hotel instead of her guest house. You didn’t take it personally, after all, it was her home to do with as she pleased. The hotel suite was lavish; far be it from you to complain.

Clean, white walls, with an intricate gold motif wallpaper, Persian carpeting, high thread-count sheets made from the whitest Egyptian cotton. At your bedside were red roses that added a bit of color and warmth to the room, and near the window was a mini-bar stocked with various alcoholic beverages should you choose to indulge.

Courtesy of Gwess, your outfit for the night’s festivities hung on the bathroom door, zipped up in a garment bag to keep it from either soiling or wrinkling. She had gifted it to you along with a mask for the masquerade ball, though, you felt a sudden trepidation bubbling in your stomach at what awaited you; like a premonition of something to come, it weighed on your chest, and you tried desperately to swallow it down.

Hol Horse’s words from the previous night continued to haunt you in broken fragments. He had warned you not to stick around but it wasn’t like you were staying much longer. Just one more night.

Still, you worried. With the sound of your heart thumping in your ears, you drew out the lace and chiffon clothing from the bag that had kept it hidden from you until now.

A feeling you could not explain washed over you at the sight of what Gwess brought for you to wear. It was white with wing-like patterns sewn down into the material just below the blades of your shoulders. You considered the meaning of this as you donned the outfit and fixed the mask over your face. Mockery perhaps? Who could say?

Gwess greeted you in the hotel lobby with open arms and a warm smile.

“Cousin!”

“Gwess.” You murmured with a nod and a small tilt of your lips. “You look well.”

She grinned, eyes crinkling, “Don’t I?” Gwess gave a twirl, showing off one of her newest purchases. A thinly strapped designer gown with silver embroideries and little birds stitched at the hem and sleeve. In her hands was an extravagant mask covered in jewels and... real life bird feathers. You assumed so, given the traces of blood still on them. Ever the beauty, your cousin was. Her husband, being a lawyer working under a prominent firm in town, made sure that his dearest Gwess wanted for nothing; inherently enabling her rather eccentric hobbies, like mutilating tiny animals and using their remains as accessories.

.

.

.

The venue was a large ballroom not too far from the hotel. It was beautifully decorated with crimson and gold ornaments and glittering chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. The festivities were already in full swing. Peals of laughters, thundering music, flashing lights. It was increasingly overwhelming. The event was more of a bacchanal for the rich and wealthy, a hedonistic gathering for the town’s upper echelon. It was almost ceremonial.

To make matters worse, you lost sight of Gwess, or rather, she had ditched you for a group of familiar faces. So, you wandered about on your own. There were a startling amount of guests, it felt almost like eyes were on you at every moment. Bodies pushed on all sides of you as you struggled to make your way through to a less crowded area. The sick feeling in the pit of your stomach bred more fear and anxiety, until you felt the urge to vomit right then and there.

Escaping into the open balcony was your only form of solace, and perhaps you’d remain there for the rest of the evening. Though, how could you have known that in doing so, you would inevitably find yourself within the crosshairs of an apex predator.

By his third victim, Dio was beginning to think that none of his ‘esteemed’ guests had brought a worthy sacrifice. A sneer curled at his lips as he watched them from his seat above. They were like monkeys, dancing for his entertainment, but unfortunately, he was far from entertained. He lounged back in his seat with a deep sigh.

Dio Brando did not believe in chance or coincidence. He did not believe in a being beyond the proverbial curtain, pulling on strings and orchestrating the whims of humanity. But lately, he’d been feeling a bit of a premonition. Nothing alarming, just an inkling of something he couldn’t quite place. And even after speaking to Enrico at length—

Dio paused in his musing, having caught sight of something in his peripheral.

With purposed steps, he followed the instincts deep within him, a visceral tugging in his gut, until he was greeted with the sight of your back. Poised like a sharpened blade, clothed in white; you stood underneath the lantern’s glow, like an angel hand-delivered to his doorstep. Utterly enticing.

You turned, gazing over at him with a peculiar look in your eyes, like that of a cautious doe in the presence of a hunter. The mask you wore shielded the majority of your face, but you were not someone he recognized. The clothing you were wearing made him all the more interested in finding what lay beneath.

Even from this distance, he could see the light sheen of sweat on the back on your neck. The subtle quake in your shoulders was not hidden from him either, even the bob of your throat as you swallowed.

“Do you mind if I join you?” he finally asked.

You were not expecting the man to speak since he looked so dead set on staring at you. “I don’t mind at all.”

You shifted over a little, an unnecessary action, seeing as there was plenty of room for the both of you. The fresh air did well in calming you down. But the sudden appearance of this man and his wolfish gaze was putting you back on edge. In any other instance, his very aura would have sent you running for the hills, but for some reason, you couldn't even bring yourself to move.

“You aren't enjoying yourself,” he noted with a teasing smile. “Does that make me a terrible host?”

You fumbled for a minute, stuttering over your words while trying to find an appropriate answer that wouldn’t offend him too much.

“C-Certainly not. It’s, um, no fault of your own. These kinds of things never interested me in the first place.”

You tried to avoid looking him in the eye when you responded but that proved to be impossible. His eyes were such a beautiful shade of scarlet. You half-wondered if they even came in that color naturally. He licked his lips, and for a second you caught sight of a sharpened canine.

“One could say that I am looking for something. Why else would I throw such an affair?”

Curious, you angled yourself a bit closer to him.

“Do you believe in gravity, dear?” he brushed his knuckles against your cheek. “That might be the reason why I’ve found you. You feel it too, that innate pull that can’t be explained.” he drew you closer until you were chest to chest. “It’s why you can’t walk away even though you’re frightened. I think we were fated to meet each other here.”

A wind blew as he said those words, tussling his gold spun hair, as if nature itself were confirming his words.

“Don’t you believe in destiny? That our lives are fate’s ultimate composition; a song that plays from the moment we take our first breath until we breathe our last.”

He was standing so close, close enough that you could smell the hint of cinnamon in his cologne and... blood...on his breath. It was making you dizzy, but you were also surprised to find that you wanted him to kiss you. And once that thought was acknowledged, it blossomed into a heady desire that was slowly taking over your entire body. You wanted him, the monster behind the mask.

“What say you, dear? Are you still frightened by me?” he laughed. “Don’t be. You and I are the same.”

“I’m...not afraid.” you said and placed a hand on his chest. It pleased him to hear you say it, even if your body betrayed your words. He leaned forward with one arm wrapped around your waist and gave a long, languid lick to a stripe of your skin, your perspiration was no deterrent at all, in fact he rather enjoyed it. Being this close to you gave him a vision of depthless oceans behind his eyelids with the taste of saltwater on his tongue and algae under his feet.

It was cathartic.

Indeed there were cleaner ways to do this, but he liked the pulse of your jugular beneath his tongue. He let his fangs sink into the flesh of your neck, puncturing your skin all the way through. Your fingers gripped his clothes, but not out of pain. The immense pleasure washing over you felt unlike anything you could ever imagine. Puffs of your warm breath coasted against the shell of his ear. You were far past the point of return.

.

.

.

In the final act, you laid naked in your hotel bed underneath blood speckled sheets. Your neck was throbbing, but it was nothing compared to the pleasant soreness between your thighs.

Dio, the name of your new god, hovered over you bare as the day he was born with an arrogant smile on his lips. Your wrists were bound with the strips of cloth torn from your body. You couldn’t reach him but your gaze still roamed the hills and valleys of his muscled chest in an act of worship and devotion.

An angel, they had called you. But what was angel without a fall from grace? It seemed in order to know virtue, one must first acquaint themselves with vice.

[freakscircus]

hi dani, I've got a question for you and your followers. so I dated a friend a while back and after it ended, eventually I just had to cut off all contact with them. the whole thing was only ever about their feelings and mine were never taken into consideration. it was long distance (as was the entire 10yr friendship before) then I took the chance to go visit their city for a while and they'd neglected to tell me they didn't actually have any time to spend on a relationship. on top of that while I was there they constantly talked about the pressure to marry which was not an option with me but all it made me feel was they were constantly plotting an exit? like they were just never serious at all and I was just something to do. and if I'd known it was like that I just simply wouldn't have gone over there in the first place. like, i can't see you and then when we do text if we're not talking about some bs TV show or movie then you're telling about how you're expected to get married when you KNOW that's not an option with me? granted i don't even want to get married and only convinced myself I did at the time because of them constantly talking about it but still, that just felt callous.

they ended it not long after I went home and of course, they wanted to stay friends and didn't even ask how I felt about anything, they just stressed how important I was and how they wanted me in their life. and after having some unpleasant conversations afterwards I realized neither of us should have been involved in anything at the time. but like, I didn't want to go back to being friends. I spent a lot of time evaluating the friendship before and the just frankly unacceptable things that went on in the relationship and realized there was just nothing left there for me. I'd always done more of the reaching out, they never cared about my life (like they never asked or commented on it unless I asked to, no matter what I said happened), and it just felt like if I didn't look for some thing they liked (a show or movie) to talk about, they just had no interest in talking to me at all and that goes for the entire time I knew them. like they'd mention other people they made an effort to reach out to but i was never among them. they genuinely only seemed to care about internet fandoms and the media they were based on and not real actual people; like they showed more concern for me when dlc for a game I liked got canceled than any of my actual issues. I didn't want to keep carrying out that kind of friendship where I'm just never the thing you choose to do. I also had no intentions of ever forgiving them for how the relationship went down because to be friends meant saying it was fine that they expected me to be able to basically carry out a relationship alone and then didn't even apologize for it.

so my question is was I wrong for not wanting to be friends after that? I just walked away from it all genuinely feeling like they didn't value me as a person and only ever saw me as some outlet for their fandom bs and if i wasn't actively trying to be that then they had no use for me.

no, you are not wrong at all. to me it sounds like you are setting healthy boundaries which is so important. this person sounds selfish and honestly kind of emotionally immature and you deserve better than that, even in a friend. sometimes we mature past the need for somebody or we realize that they aren’t adding to our lives and that is when boundary setting begins. i wouldn’t question it, i would be proud of yourself for recognizing that these boundaries needed to exist and that you deserve better. some people wouldn’t have the strength to be able to do that, especially after such a long friendship. the cost-sunk fallacy is a real thing! but length of friendship or relationship does not =/= quality, especially if this person is not growing with you emotionally. it’s completely healthy to ask for a basic standard of respect and decent treatment, and if this person cared about you they would evaluate their own behavior and respect the boundaries you have established.

i’ve walked away from toxic friendships and relationships before and i do not regret it at all. it sounds like you do not owe this person anything because they fostered a one sided friendship and relationship. honestly it sounds like they enjoy the validation and comfort of having you around more than wanting to build something worthwhile with you even platonically. in my case, those people i cut off also did not appropriately reciprocate in a way i needed, and they drained my energy and made me miserable instead of adding to my life. i was always happier in the long run. you will be too, you did the right thing!

[bigscaryyanderewriter]

Liebling (Medic x Reader)

3k words

Tw: Medical stuff, dubcon, abuse, bondage, blackmailing, blood, yandere themes

This was commissioned!!! The first one I have gotten and I would love to thank the lovely person who paid for my writing. I definitely enjoyed writing this..please, gimme money aghaghaghagh ❤

-----------------------------

The rain poured as you shuddered, the bus stop where you were staying that night was lit up by the flickering street lights while you waited for the train. Dark clouds loomed in an ominous sort of way as the storm seemed to suffocate all light that wasn't from it. It only just occurred to you that the bus may not even be coming with the weather being as it is. Your phone glowed in your hand as you tried to browse away your worries that came from being here.

You needed to get out.

You needed out of this town and away from the hand that you had been dealt by the shitty folks of the city. Anywhere was better than here. You knew that, ignoring the frantic texts from your mother. She was begging you to come home, to think about and telling you how crazy you were being.

The funny part was, she was the one who let your father throw things at you. She didn't stop him from hitting you physically and using his sickeningly good way with words to jab at every fault you had. It was worse than anything when he wouldn't hurt you. He would just rip you apart as he told you about how you shouldn't have been born, you were definitely not his child and he could never, ever see you doing anything with your life.

He didn't care about you.

You still were nursing your arm as the shirt you wrapped around it was… Less than dry as blood soaked the already rain dampened fabric.

Wincing, you looked at your hand and then nearly jumped at the shaking of any umbrella. It was a man in a trenchcoat, a pair of glasses on his face and dark hair. He was rather handsome with a good jaw and strong features, but his eyes were on you… It was an intent gaze as he was seemingly to analyze what form of foreign creature you were.

A frown formed on your face as you saw how he kept staring, "Just what do you think you're looking at? Can't a girl catch the midnight train going anywhere?" Your voice cracked with slight emotion as you turned your head away. It wasn't until he moved closer that you went to look back.

911 wasn't going to be coming, you wouldn't call for help and you hurriedly went to stand with your bag of necessities as the man grabbed your hand.

"Please, please let go of my arm!"

"Frau, your arm will get infected with zhe way you've wrapped it und I don't think you want that."

You froze, realizing the amount of blood you had bled unto the bench and pavement beneath you as your hands shook. It was surreal as he slowly began addressing your wound and a hiss escaped you. Clearly he didn't care about your actual pain as he did his thing.

He asked minimal questions, but he did talk about the weather and such. You mainly "mhmm"ed and said yeah. It was actually soothing to hear him speak, because soon you were trying to stay awake. Helping you, he informed you that he was going to take you to a nearby place and get you something to eat. You needed to stay awake.

The night went on. You learned his name was Ludwig and he was from Stuttgart, Germany. You began to feel better. The way he seemed so generous was… It was lovely, he was genuine in how he treated you. You feel the way he isn't trying to pity you, while you just dump your issues onto the table as you both eat. His brows furrowed in, frowns come and he even offers to let you stay with him. You couldn't accept. He gave you his number to call if the wound gave you more trouble though and it was… You would take him up on that.

He was very persistent on you contacting him again though, just to continue talking. You were told how you were… less annoying than the average person and it was flattering, you supposed.

After he left, you slowly made your way to a motel. Scraping together the money from working was beneficial as you now sat in a room with warmth in it. Your sleep was dreamless that night, but it was better than nightmares.

You didn't even notice how a red umbrella followed you there that night and how a pair of intense, blue eyes kept on you when you had figured they were long gone.

The cut was healing alright, but it still hurt. You had actually been texting Ludwig, who helped you that night. Mainly for info on how to deal with your wound. He was more than helpful as you took care to follow his instructions.

Money was running low for you though, as you only had enough for another day in the motel. You would be on the streets and have to figure it out. It was not a comforting thought as you racked your brain.

It had been more than once when your dear medic had offered to house you, but you… You weren't sure. A man you didn't know and the potential of bad things happening. His words seemed to convince you otherwise though. He was a doctor, he was safe. Nothing would happen if you weren't interested and he just wanted to help you.

The "if you weren't interested" part made your face heat up as you had over thought the idea of Ludwig had formed some sort of… Affection for you, other than platonic. He did seem to have more regard for your life than he seemed to have for others. It was a bit alarming the first time he talked about his patients, but it was just the world you live in. You could accept it, especially when so many worse individuals dwelled in it.

It was a confusing situation considering how he hardly knew you. Though, men were men is what you could only mutter as you thought of how your father spoke of women. A disgusting, dehumanizing way of thinking about women.

The second day on the streets after realizing you couldn't live like this… You went to him. He welcomed you with open arms, even feeding you a warm meal. New clothes were provided, even an actual bed. You couldn't stop thanking him as you tried to not cry.

His way of calming you was interesting and you often find yourself with his strong, dexterous hands on your arms. Ludwig was a very hands on type of person, never handsy in a way you didn't like though. It was those touches that made butterflies sometimes erupt in you.

The way he just seemed to have a grip on every aspect of your life in such a short span of time was intimidating though. It was almost natural after a while though. The giving up the reigns on how you lived was… It was comforting, not having to worry about so much.

When days passed and you came up with a more stable plan, you told your host about it. You would work and go live in the motel while saving money. They did have a room for rent and it was relatively cheap. It was a good idea in your opinion and he seemed to like it, but then you fell down the stairs.

You didn't notice Ludwig coming down as you did and he lost his balance, accidentally sending you down. He said sorry, but you almost thought he was more upset about your new injury. You had a concussion and your knee hurt terribly when you were helped back upstairs by your friend as you wept, clinging to him as a support.

It wasn't brought to your attention how he quietly enjoyed those noises.

You had bruised yourself and it was soon better again, but you told him that you still planned on going through with your plan and he soured.

"You can't be on your feet yet, you should just stay here und let me help you. It will all be fine. You don't need to waste your time on such things." He would say as he continued to make various excuses. It was overbearing.

The way he would say suggestive things to you always made you blush and ignore it.

"With the way you get hurt, it is almost like you want to stay with me."

"You might as well live here und let me take care of everything."

"Oh… That wince was positively adorable."

It was brushed aside, until you realized just how trapped you were here… Just like home, in a way. Suffocating in this gilded cage, with Ludwig. You needed some time alone. Time to think. The hallway floor creaked as you went to leave, somehow feeling like you were doing something bad. Cream colored walls seemed to stand eerily while you slipped on the jacket Ludwig had gotten you. Opening the door, you heard his voice.

"Where are you heading off to so late? You know it is dangerous at night and it will most likely storm." He spoke casually, as if he is warning would stop you.

"Ludwig, I'm… I need to think about things alone. I have been relying on you for too long and it isn't because I want to leave. It is because I feel too guilty staying. You have a life to live and I'm just… Burdening you." You admitted some of what you thought as you went to look back at him when you feel the pinch in your neck.

"Sh sh sh… You'll be awake soon enough and we can continue our talk." His accented voice whispered in your ear as your world turned fuzzy and warm. It was the sense of panic that drained from you until you woke.

You woke up thrashing and in a cold sweat as you shouted out into the darkness. Your body was bound against the table as you tried to angle your head to look around. Your clothes were replaced with a gown of sort. A hospital one. No one was around. "Ludwig! LUDWIG!"

A chuckle resounded as a door creaked, showing the light from the hall and the light clicked on.. Ludwig stood in the bright fluorescent beams, a pair of, what seemed to be, scrubs on as he adjusted his glasses, looking down at you on the table as you feel your heart pounding within your chest.

You froze up as you look at the glare obscuring his eyes, a wide smile on his face. "Wunderbar! You know, you slept for quite a while and I didn't want to disturb you. Just with you looking so peaceful, but now that we are at this point… (Y/N), it is time for things to change in our relationship."

"Ludwig, uhm, change? We aren't even- We are not in any relationship." You were confused and you just wanted to leave.

"Hah… That doesn't matter. You continue to live with me, I will… Make sure you continue to live."

"Live?!" You say, becoming more and more scared.

"Ja, you know how things are here. I believe that we can be… Happy, I suppose." He said as he pulled on a pair of gloves.

"Uhm, what are those for?" The crack in your voice was embarrassing.

"Well, you see. I am going to apply local anesthetic to your arm und insert a small tracking device-"

"What?!" You look at him with wide, fearful eyes as you strain even more to escape.

"Oh, it will be only a little incision on your arm. Come yourself. It will be over before you know it."

His hands were going to grab a syringe beside you and he was seeming to begin the procedure.

"I will be injecting zhe anesthetic into zhe area where I will be working. You shouldn't feel anything, but if you do… Tell me immediately, ja? Ja. After making an incision once you are numb, I will insert this chip." He pulled a small chip off the table and showed it to you, "Afterwards, I will sew you back up and you'll be no worse for wear."

"Ludwig, I don't want you to do this, please! I-i'll do anything, I promise." You didn't know what else to do other than beg, because… If you didn't, then there was no stopping him.

"This is only a security measure. I know you don't love me und it is fine that you don't. All I need is for you to stay with me." He admitted as he held your arm still. Tears slowly ran down your face as you lay there, a choked noise escaping you.

It was the brush of lips against yours and the pinch of the needle in your arm that made you freeze, forgetting to cry out. The medic's lips moving and making you near melt for a second. It was blissful. Until he pulled away, leaving you panting and red faced.

"You drive me absolutely crazy, Liebling." He murmured before clearing his throat. "You may want to look away for a bit or look und watch. Watch what I'll do to you."

You quietly looked as he finished numbing the small area and grabbed a small scalpel-like device. Opening the skin as his hands gripped you where you could not feel. It was… Nauseating. You knew you shouldn't have watched. There was no reason you should do this to this to yourself and the way it looked was odd. It was like you had began disassociating. No pain made you relax as you watched with tiny, salty tears running down your cheeks.

Soon it was over though, you must have passed out when you saw the amount of blood flowing. You had never done this before. The numbness was still there in your arm, but two stitches now decorated it. There wasn't much you could do, aside from torturing yourself further by ripping open the stitches. You weren't sure about your willpower to do that though as you looked to see your captor sitting near you as he was reading something.

Your throat was dry as you looked at Ludwig, knowing he probably didn't know you were awake. He seemed zoned in on it as he leaned into his hand, which held his jaw.

"Ludwig?" You murmured with a bit of hesitation and those blue eyes were on you. The same intense eyes that always saw through you. Saw through everything, every facade, layer of skin and sinew, into your very soul it seemed. It was odd and disturbing.

"Oh, Liebling, you're awake. How are you feeling?" He moved closer as his hand touches your face. No longer gloved. It was warm and firm, real. This was real.

"I just, I want to go home." You whispered, teary eyed as he rubbed your cheek.

"You are home, darling." His lips were in yours again and locked into something more passionate than you had expected. The way he was now pressed up against you was suffocating and you were dragged directly into this kiss. It was… Sinfully delicious. You did like Ludwig, you did have something there twisting inside you. It was your battling mind that whispered how much better it could be if you were just… Malleable to his wishes, willing and wanting.

Dragging his hands through your hair as you were taken into a kiss of teeth, lips, spit and need before you bite him. His lip bleeding before he did the same, blood mixing with yours. It was messy and drove you to become a panting wreck.

You didn't want to be here. None of this was normal, but you weren't sure how you would be considered normal either. This was safety to you. Hate filled kissing, despising in silence. Your mother did it and who said you would wind up any different. There was no saving anyone here. Your legs were adjusted and spread.

Bodies pressed against one another as you panted, his hands pulling your hair and making noises babble out of your mouth. It was the air that passed slowly over your privates before Ludwig was in between your legs as you feel the growing excitement between the two of you.

His hand ripped away the gown as it exposed your naked body, hands moving to your chest as he carefully began to touch you. You were eager to respond to those touches as he moved his mouth away from yours. Your lips ached, probably bruised and bleeding as his own latched onto your nipple. The other was toyed with as you reeled. "Please, please, please, Ludwig."

You feel his finger dance between your thighs, rubbing them before sliding them against your lips. He groaned before slipping in a finger, thicker than yours and the sensation of it curling made you twitch. More, you needed more.

"Liebling, tell me. Do you feel just how much you want me or are you just trying to ignore it? Your body is honest, betraying you completely. How does it feel? Knowing you're squeezing and lubricating yourself up just for me?" He was rubbing your clit as he continued to add fingers. Three were in as you began to buck your hips and moan.

"Such a slut, if I had known how you wanted me. I would have done this long ago. Everyone has needs und I would have gladly taken care of yours. Go on, beg for it. You've been so good so far, I want to hear it."

Your face was flushed as the way his words struck more in you than you thought they would. It was not enough. "A-ah, Ludwig, please, I just, I want you. I don't care, I want you right now!" You gasped and writhed beneath him, whining when he pulled his hand out of you. Emptiness was so overwhelming as he wiped his hand on your thighs, spreading them wider.

You craned your neck to look down, but were shoved back. His hand gripping the side of your head to keep you down, his other rubbing the something blunt and firm against your labia. It was nudging your clit and making your whimpers come out again. "Ludwig, please."

He pushed in, making you groan along with him. Quiet grunts sounded above you as he spoke in low, harsh german. It was… You loved it. Adjustment was small, but he didn't seem to mind your slight discomfort as he only could feel bliss at the tight, hot grip your walls provided. Soon he was rutting into you and his hands held underneath your knees, pushing your thighs against your torso. You couldn't move yourself with him overwhelming you and the restraints still on your upper body. You wish you could wrap your legs around him though as your dragged your nails down his back. Draw blood and make him scream along with you.

Battering your walls, his teeth and lips met you shoulders and neck. Digging in and sucking hard. Covering you in marks of ownership, making you cry as he drove you insane. He was cursing and whispering in a low, nasty tone. You could find him slipping into English again though. "Mine, you're going to be mine forever, Liebling. Mmm.."

He was panting above you as he continued to do more shallow thrusts, just enough to drive you close to your edge as you cried out below him. "Cum on my cock, do it. I want to feel how you can't take it anymore. Go on, Liebling. Go ahead."

He hissed as you did cum, your own moans spilling out, "Ludwig, Ludwig, a-ah, oh my god. That, ah, you- Fucking hell! Pleasssee…" You panted and grunted as Ludwig's voice lowered into your ear.

"I'm so close, I'm going to make you my own. I won't ever let anyone take you away. My most valued possession, my sweet liebling. A-ah hng…" He let out little pants as he got closer, his face twisting as he pulled out and moved his hand along himself. His body tensing as hot ropes of cum painted your stomach as you panted and laid with satisfied exhaustion fading away. Horror filling you as Ludwig loomed over you, wiping your stomach off and undoing your restraints.

"(Y/N), I'll need to clean zhe bites on your neck und after a rest. We'll get you to a bathroom, but for now. If only you knew how beautiful you look. Oh, my sweet liebling."

[qqueenofhades]

I'm asking this out of curiosity, how can you just let go of a ship like captain swan? you were a hardcore captain swan shipper and you were part of their journey from the very beginning and now you barely care about them if at all. it's just I don't know i thought you were staying till the end & would even have a hard time saying goodbye to them after the show ends. sorry if this came off as rude I'm totally just curious just cuz you were so invested for years now you don't care anymore

Well, honestly, I have discussed this subject before, and tried to be straight about it, and I’m sure you didn’t mean to be rude and are genuinely curious. Still, though, it’s a bit discouraging?

I’m still here. I’m still active on tumblr, I still reblog CS gifs fairly regularly, and I know what’s going on in the show, and I’m looking forward to the wedding. I’ve made several long posts on my process of stepping back from the show and why that happened. It’s certainly not that I just “let go” overnight. It’s been going on for almost a year, and it has not in the least been easy for me. CS got me back into fandom after a long time away. I don’t need to prove my bona fides as a shipper to anyone; I’ve shipped them since 2012, been on tumblr for them and an incredibly active and prolific fandom member since 2013, written multiple novel-length fics and countless drabbles for them (and am still working on TDH, which is my second-longest project EVER behind The North Remembers), answered thousands of questions, written just as many specs and metas and spoiler and roundup posts, went to my first ever con (way out of my comfort zone!) to meet Colin, and still have many dear friends who have changed my life. I don’t ever regret any of the time I did spend on them. I have loved them for a long time and I still care. I just am engaging with it differently, and I have had to do that for several reasons.

As noted, I was super invested during season 5. SUPER. It got to the place where I was thinking about it almost every waking moment, even as I was trying to adjust to a new city and country and degree study and the ups and downs that came with that. My mood was totally dictated by spoilers or theories or how people were reacting to them or how I was going to have to hold things together during an angsty time with all the people I had to comfort/talk through the pain of the Dark Ones/Underworld arc. It took a lot out of me, to be honest. I couldn’t even enjoy the show quite the same way because I was so dependent on it all working out and the effect this had on my ability to deal with things. I’ve always been honest about my years and years of anxiety and depression and what I’ve had to do with that, and the show was something for me to focus on and to try to get me out of my head (again, during an otherwise stressful year). Honestly, that level of addiction/dependence isn’t healthy for anything, especially what is, at the end of the day, just a TV show. The s5 finale burned me the hell out after all that pain with pretty much nothing to show for it, and I struggled over the summer with the thought that I was finally having to withdraw from it in bits and pieces. I watched 6x01, but… nope. That pretty much put the lid on it that I wasn’t prepared to go back at the same level again, and probably wouldn’t be.

As noted, and as anyone who has read my fics can attest, I have no problem with angst. I love angst, even long-term and complex angst. I love serious and dark and morally challenging stories, they are some of my favorites. But as I have also said, I do have a problem when that angst results, to my view, in no measurable story progress and the endless repetition of long-played-out character arcs. I just watched CS struggle to be together for all of season 5. I don’t want to watch more of Emma Has Walls or Killian Keeps Secrets Because He’s Guilty or Oh Look, They’re Separated and Will Die. It’s just… not interesting to me. So I still love them as a ship, but I’ve almost completely disengaged from wanting or expecting canon to provide any kind of satisfying or well-thought-through fulfillment for them. I’ve written tons and tons of fics (and novels). I write all the time. I analyze things for a living. I am an English tutor and a history teacher. I’m a storyteller. I have spent a long time with these characters and coming up with and thinking through what I want to see for them. That doesn’t mean I’m Better ™ than the writers, but it also means that any effort I put in feels like way more than they are, and that’s not a fun or stimulating way to engage with a fandom.

I don’t do hate-watching, and I certainly am not about to rain on the parade of people who do still love it as much as ever (which as I have said many times, I am happy for them). So it’s just better to focus on things that I DO actively enjoy and which I find rewarding and engaging. This year has been incredibly tough for me since about last November and the Orange Nazi’s election (and before that, really). I don’t need to put my limited and valuable free time into things that are just going to drain me or make me annoyed more than I already am. Fandom, once again and though it sometimes can be anything but, is supposed to be fun. And I am trying to space out my interests and have several different places to turn to for inspiration, rather than putting all my eggs in one basket. As noted, it’s just not healthy, and I have to take care with that.

As also noted, I was truly happy about the CS engagement and I will watch their wedding and probably reblog a lot of gifs from it. But I can look at said gifs and enjoy their cute moments and feel as if I’m getting what I need to, rather than having to slog through all of season 6. And honestly, if OUAT is losing people like me – a super, SUPER dedicated fan with years of investment and high-level commitment and fandom participation and creation – it doesn’t take too much guesswork to see that it’s probably losing regular viewers like crazy as well, and that’s why the ratings have taken a nosedive. I know I’m not alone, because I know a lot of fellow fandom people who just can’t muster up the same level of investment, and we’ve all paid our dues. We don’t have to “prove” anything or get caught in the inevitable “Who’s a Real/Better Fan” drama that just makes the whole cycle even more draining. We’re just engaging how we choose to, over a fictional narrative that has meant a ton to us, but has also changed, and we have as well.

So yeah. I still care. I am still a fan. But I think it’s important to remember, as always, that fandom is a FICTIONAL space, and that the people who engage in it are real, with all the hangups and changes of interest and needs and triggers and emotional reasons that go along with that, and we only interact with each other on a very limited basis through tumblr, which is obviously not face to face and where we curate the content we want to post/focus/present. It’s not objective, and it’s fun and amazing and collaborative, but it can also provide a somewhat limited perspective of who people are, what they’re doing, and why they decide to move on from something. So yeah, that’s where I am.

:)