#it's so wild it's ending....... it was like... me second? or third podcast when i got back into ad?

[lucifer-kane]

i think maybe tomorrow im gonna catch up on the few eps im behind on penumbra bc i miss and and god damn i to be caught up before the finale, which isn't until august but if i don't wanna put it off any longer

[bengiyo]

Hello Ben! Hope you're having a good day.

So I just finished listening to the podcast and just wanted to share my two cents about the two jbls tied for Girl, You Tried.

So I actually just rewatched Living with Him yesterday. What are the odds? I hadn't rewatched since it ended so last night I did. And I have rewatched Love is Better the Second Time Around as well. And from a rewatching perspective and a binging perspective, Living with Him is, in my opinion, a little bit better. LIBTSTA is pretty, they are gorgeous, the chemistry is amazing, but the flaw is in the direction they chose to go with the end, and in my opinion, I don't think they actually resolved any of their issues in a way that makes me believe they will stay together. So nothing about is improved better with a rewatch or a binge.

With LwH, yes it dragged, and with a weekly viewing I definitely felt annoyed by it, mostly by Ryota not making up his damn mind, but by the end I could feel some small joy seeing them together, having a small moment of domesticity and making their own little festival party. And the sparkles. I love a jbl sparkles moment almost as much as a running to the beloved.

So yeah. Just thought I'd share my thinking on it.

Hope you have a great week and congrats on 50 eps of the podcast. It's amazing!

Rose🧡

It's kinda wild to think about how @the-conversation-pod is 50 episodes old. NiNi and I mostly started it as an excuse to hang out with each other and try to be as Caribbean as we could about BL.

The reasons you gave here are why we gave Love is Better the Second Time Around and Living With Him a tie for Girl, You Tried. In both cases, there's something to like a lot about it, but a big failure otherwise. When we spoke about it with @twig-tea on our Second Rate Second Chance episode, Twig and I were just so relieved that a show finally released the sexual tension of the yukata scenes, but hated the weird turn in the last third of the show with the cousin.

I really loved Living With Him around episode 3. The conversation they had about what was going on was spectacular. However, the show then went into a holding pattern for basically the rest of the show. It also hurts knowing that they essentially removed Ryota sorting out queerness for himself. This keeps happening lately, and it is not making the shows better. Also, that useless flashback episode felt like a waste of time because it told us nothing we didn't already know. Finally, my man Natsukawa has wanted to fuck that man for like a decade, and they ended on soft and cute.

It's tough, because I like big things in both shows, but also hate big things in both. Highlighting both of these and giving them the shared award feels like a fitting place to put both of them. They must share an award, just like their shows tried to straddle a line.

Thanks for listening to our show!

[newmusickarl]

5-9’s Album of the Month Podcast – latest episode out now!

The latest episode of the 5-9 Album of the Month Podcast is here and it’s a big clash of rock giants both old and new! As ever, I take a seat alongside 5-9 Editor Andrew Belt and Mama Mañana Records’ Kiley Larsen to review five high profile album releases from the past month in music, ultimately naming one as our Album of the Month at the end of the discussion.

For our July 2024 episode, it was Hot Chip’s Joe Goddard who took home the coveted Album of the Month title, wowing us with his feature-heavy second solo album, Harmonics. For our latest episode, we look back at five big releases from August and the albums vying for recognition this time around are:

Romance by Fontaines D.C.

Champion by Pom Poko

Aghori Mhori Mei by The Smashing Pumpkins

Infinite Health by Tycho (Poll winner, thanks for voting!)

Midas by Wunderhorse

If you want to listen to this or any previous episodes simply follow the links below, but also be sure to follow 5-9 Blog on Instagram, Twitter and YouTube for more news and polls relating to the podcast.

Listen on Spotify here

Watch, like and subscribe to our YouTube channel here

Album & EP Recommendations

Ness by Hayden Thorpe

“When going on a sonic journey into the wild, who better to chaperone than former Wild Beasts frontman, Hayden Thorpe. Six years after the disbandment of the acclaimed art-rock quartet, the singer-songwriter and multi-instrumentalist has since firmly established himself as a solo artist, thanks to the stark balladry of ‘Diviner’ and the synth-soaked majesty of ‘Moondust For My Diamond’. Now back with his third solo album Ness, an adaptation of author Robert Macfarlane’s book of the same name, Hayden has successfully crafted his most magical and ambitious project yet. Hayden Thorpe’s Ness ends up being more than just another album. Where Macfarlane’s book was part-novella, part-prose and part-poem, Hayden too has crafted a piece of art that blurs the lines between music, audiobook, spoken-word and classical composition. It’s simply a one-of-a-kind auditory experience, one that whisks you away to a place full of historical dread and natural wonder, which feels all too relevant for today’s world. Through Hayden, Ness Speaks – and it’s quite unlike anything else you’ll hear all year.”

Listen to the album here

Read the full 9/10 album review for Clash here

Watch or listen to our exclusive interview with Hayden on the making of the record here

Someday, Now by Katy J Pearson

The evolution of British singer-songwriter Katy J Pearson has been quite something to witness. From her solid debut Return back in 2020 to her ultra-impressive follow-up Sound of the Morning in 2022, Katy has taken sizeable steps forward and matured her songwriting with each new release. So, it is no surprise then that not only is ‘Someday, Now’ her best record to date, but it’s also one of the year’s best too.

Filled wall-to-wall with soaring, string-tinged indie-pop anthems, this is without a doubt her boldest collection yet, where the production throughout is exquisite and the vocal performances remain as sublime as ever. The orchestrated delights of Save Me and It’s Mine Now dazzle early doors, before the jittering riffs of Grand Final and the stripped-back majesty of Someday light-up the back half. However, Pearson arguably saves the two best songs for last, from the melancholic sway of Siren Song to the triumphant, bluegrass finale, Sky.

Overall, this is another all killer, no filler release from Pearson, one that perfectly fits the Autumnal weather, to the point that I can’t seem to stop playing it. A magnificent record that sees Pearson continue to go from strength-to-strength.

Listen here

Cascade by Floating Points

We have been spoilt for incredible electronic records in 2024, but this new one from Samuel Shepherd, AKA Floating Points, is right up there with the year’s best.

After his much-acclaimed collab album with Pharoah Sanders (a record I personally found quite underwhelming) I’m pleased to say Shepherd has returned to the club for his latest album. ‘Cascade’ is a fitting title too as listeners are treated to an avalanche of sonic splendour, beginning with the dizzying Vocoder club mix and pulsating Key103, before the vibrant euphoria of Fast Forward and throbbing, distorted beats of tracks like Afflecks Palace and Tilt Shift. That said, the pick of the bunch is the enchanting, near 9-minute sonic journey Ocotillo, which begins as an understated dash of ambient electronica before morphing into a racing barrage of static synths.

All in all, one of the year’s best from the genre and an incredible listening experience that will pull you back in for repeat spins.

Listen here

Dance, No-One’s Watching by Ezra Collective

When your last album not only wins the Mercury Music Prize but also makes history by being the first jazz record to do so, you better believe there’s going to be some pressure on the follow-up. However seemingly not phased at all, the quintet that make up Ezra Collective have returned a year to the month with their joyous third album ‘Dance, No-One’s Watching’, which I’m pleased to say is every bit as dazzling as its award-winning predecessor.

A celebration of music that makes you dance inspired by their triumphant 2023 world tour, the mosaic of global influences is condensed into this incredibly satisfying, groove-tastic concept album, set around a liberating night out. From the West African rhythms of Palm Wine, the gospel guided duo of Hear Me Cry and Everybody, to the cherry on top features from the likes of Olivia Dean, Yazmin Lacey and Moonchild Sanelly, it’s another captivating work from Ezra Collective that will just put the biggest smile on your face.

Listen here

HOPECORE by Rahim C Redcar

You may not recognise the name Rahim C Redcar, but you may be familiar with his former musical pseudonym, Christine & The Queens. Now officially releasing music under his chosen name, ‘HOPECORE’ is a debut album of sorts for this new identity, after it was first introduced on Christine & The Queens’ projects, Redcar les adorables étoiles (prologue) and Paranoïa, Angels, True Love.

Sonically this new release isn’t a million miles away from those projects, boasting a hypnotic collection of synth-soaked sonnets enriched by theatrical, live-sounding production. This rawness of the production is the big fascination point, helping to supercharge these songs so that the impassioned vocal performances and aching lyrics pour out of each bar.

Like it was on Paranoïa, Angels, True Love, at times it also sounds like Rahim Redcar just riffing in the studio, giving these tracks a magical, improvised nature. None more so than on the album’s phenomenal 20-minute centrepiece, OPERA – I UNDERSTAND, which will certainly test the patience of some, but also blow the minds of others. Add in other sensual sensations like ELEVATE, DEEP HOLES and RED BIRDMAN EMERGENCY, and what you have is another towering work of art from one of alt-pop’s true visionaries.

Listen here

Stream of Life by Maxïmo Park

For more than 20 years, Geordie heroes Maxïmo Park have been one of the UK’s best manufacturers of certified indie bops and, as a result, one of my sentimental favourites. While not all their records have completely hit the mark, their output has generally been solid over that period and their last outing, Nature Always Wins, was one of their best yet.

Now back with their eighth studio album ‘Stream of Life’, the band are looking to build on their creative purple patch with a new record that digs into the complexities of the modern world and human existence. Now, what was special about listening to this record for the first time is that I got to experience it first in a live setting, as the band played the new album in full at their recent show at Metronome, here in Nottingham.

It was a revelation, making me wish more bands would do a pre-release album launch show, rather than a post-release album launch show (although I appreciate this helps more with the chart battles). So rather than reviewing the album here (which in short, is fantastic!), I thought I would share my review of that night at Metronome and experiencing the album for the first time.

Read my review of the Stream of Life album launch show here

Listen to the album here

A Modern Day Distraction by Jake Bugg

“After his revelatory self-titled debut made Bugg a star, earning him a Mercury Prize nomination, critical acclaim and legions of fans the world over in the process, his subsequent efforts have admittedly been more of a mixed bag. While each of his four albums since have had their fair share of moments, none have had the consistency of his brilliant first outing. Seemingly recognising this, Bugg has gone back to basics on his new album ‘A Modern Day Distraction’, abandoning the more pop-influenced sounds of his previous outing ‘Saturday Night, Sunday Morning’, to instead return to the blues-inspired indie rock & roll that brought him to the dance. While it may ultimately be a solid rather than sensational listen, this is an enjoyable sixth outing from Jake Bugg that marks a reasonable return to form, while also providing more than a few strong highlights. By getting back to what he does best, this is a sizeable step in the right direction, with ‘A Modern Day Distraction’ easily his most well-rounded project since his beloved debut.”

Listen here

Read the full review for Clash here

Idiot EP by Bored Marsh

“Bored Marsh, made up of Joe Need (Vocals), Brad Westby (Guitar & backing vocals), Jade Bowman (Bass guitar) and Paul Mason-Smith (Drums), formed during the height of lockdown. At a time when the music industry was facing an uncertain future, these four friends were sharing demos and bonding over a shared love of Oasis’ ‘Be Here Now’. While it may have started out as just a hobby, once Bored Marsh were able to get out and start playing their music live in front of crowds in late-2022, their popularity in their home city of Nottingham quickly blossomed. Fast-forward to today and their reach is now expanding well beyond the NG postcode, playing industry showcases in different cities, festivals further afield and getting their name on national lists of the country’s best unsigned bands. Now with this their debut EP, they are ready to officially make their introduction to rock fans across the UK and beyond. Everything that has gotten Bored Marsh attention so far is laid out tightly on this EP. From Joe Need’s passionate vocals to the dynamic and stylistically varied guitars, the appeal of Bored Marsh’s sound is evidently clear from this first collection. Reflected in Broadmarsh’s recent rejuvenation, Bored Marsh have ascended from the bleakness of lockdown to present the confident and assured band found playing on this EP. While the music itself often remains dwelling in the darkness, the hopefulness is carried in their massive, soon to be realised, potential.”

Listen here

Read the full review for Clash here

Also well worth checking out:

Manning Fireworks by MJ Lenderman

Same Mistake Twice by The Howl & The Hum

The Greatest Love by London Grammar

Ten days by Fred Again…

WOOF. by Fat Dog

Hysterical Strength by DEADLETTER

Gary by Blossoms

INTRO by Kaeto

Emita Ox by Hello Mary

It's Nothing by Dolores Forever

Song Recommendations

Alone by The Cure

Autumn has arrived and after 16 long years, the gothic kings are back with new music. Their much-anticipated new record ‘Songs Of A Lost World’ drops on the 1st of November and our first taste is the album’s near 7-minute opener. Typically dreamy yet aching with melancholia, it’s an outstanding return from one of music’s true greats.

Listen here

The Lighthouse by Stevie Nicks

Speaking of musical greats with new music, rock icon Steve Nicks has also recently returned with her important new single, The Lighthouse. Written in the wake of Roe v. Wade being overturned, it’s a hopeful and inspirational track centred on women’s rights. Powerful and hard-hitting in every sense, it shows Stevie still has the gift of shaking the earth when needed.

Listen here

SPEYSIDE by Bon Iver

Announcing a new EP for mid-October, Justin Vernon and Co. have also returned with this utterly stunning new single. As beautifully moving as even their best work, SPEYSIDE marks a return to the understated and stripped-back sound that made their early work so special, with Vernon’s vocal performance as goosebump-inducing as ever.

Listen here

Living A Lie by The Amazons

Watching Reading-based trio The Amazons grow from promising indie upstarts to one of the best rock bands in the country has been one of my biggest musical pleasures over the last decade. Now back with a seismic new single that marks the start of their new era, Living A Lie may be their most accomplished track to date. With outstanding guest vocals from Ella McRobb, a rumble of stomping drums and typically scintillating / jaw-dropping guitar work from Chris Alderton, it’s just an absolute triumph.

Listen here

The Silence That Remains by The Horrors

After ending their last album with Something To Remember Me By and then giving us nothing but radio silence for the past eight years, I had come to terms with the fact that psych-rock outfit The Horrors may be no more. So you can imagine my joy this week when the band finally returned with news of a new album, ‘Night Life’, due for release in March next year. This first taste is vintage The Horrors too, showing that despite the time away and changes in the line-up, they can still deliver the goods that fans expect.

Listen here

Otherside by Maribou State & Holly Walker

A group that has been away almost as long as The Horrors, electronic duo Maribou State also finally made their return this week. With Chris Davids thankfully recovering from the brain surgery that forced shows to be cancelled and their new album to be postponed, the vibrant and joyous rhythms of Otherside are an early sign that new record ‘Hallucinating Love’ will be well worth the wait, as regular collaborator Holly Walker also once again lends her sweet vocals to the track.

Listen here

Oh Boy by Oscar & The Wolf

With his new album ‘TASTE’ only a few weeks away, Belgian superstar Oscar & The Wolf has been ramping up the single releases in the build-up to the 25th October. The standout has been Oh Boy, the devastating closing track on the album which, based on the singles so far, seems to deal with a tough break-up from a toxic relationship. This song is only made more impactful by the striking music video that accompanies it, featuring home footage of singer Max Colombie in a stirring dedication to his mother.

Watch the video here

Human Frailty by One True Pairing

Another artist continuing the build to his new album is Tom Fleming, former member of Wild Beasts and the genius behind One True Pairing. This latest single continues the sonic shift from the soaring stadium rock that made up his solo debut to a more stripped-back and folk-inspired sound. This latest single is one of the best yet of the pre-released singles, featuring stirring acoustics and a tender, self-aware message of acceptance.

Listen here

All My Freaks by Divorce

For folks of Nottingham like myself, one of the most exciting album announcements of recent times. In March next year, fast-rising local quartet Divorce will finally release their debut album, ‘Drive to Goldenhammer’. The first track to be revealed from the debut is All My Freaks, with the country-inspired indie-pop track representing everything that is so wonderfully captivating about this band. Get ready for a Nottingham takeover of UK Music in 2025!

Listen here

Nightcall by Kavinsky, Angèle & Phoenix

And finally this month, while I don’t have a cover for you all this time around, I do have a fun reimagining of a classic. You may know French producer Kavinsky’s iconic single from either Nicolas Winding Refn’s film Drive, or possibly London Grammar’s atmospheric cover. Well now, as first heard at the Paris Olympics back in the summer, the new version with the addition of French indie rockers Phoenix has officially been released, bringing a fun new spin to this old favourite.

Listen here

Also worth checking out:

Eusexua by FKA Twigs

A Hole In The Ground by Porridge Radio

Love Second Music First by Self Esteem

In My Dreams by Four Tet & Ellie Goulding

Timeless by The Weeknd & Playboi Carti

Still Riding by Barry Can’t Swim

Can’t Pretend To Know by The Murder Capital

Mistake / Better Man by Katie Keddie

REMINDER: If you use Apple Music, you can also keep up-to-date with all my favourite 2024 tracks through my Best of 2024 playlist. Constantly updated throughout the year with songs I enjoy, it is then finalised into a Top 100 Songs of the Year in December.

Add the Best of 2024 playlist to your library here

[mischas]

I tried to watch OTH as I read it had some similar vibes to the OC but written better but I only watched like 4-5 episodes and then left and never continued it I don’t know why!!

My relationship to OTH is complicated lol. Though not as complicated as my relationship to this show of course kljhgf. I don't love their first season but I love their second and third. It mostly comes from my ship and character preferences (my faves are brooke/lucas and peyton/jake) so when those are done with I just can't be bothered with caring for much else. It doesn't help that I first watched as an impressionable teenager in the Great Stan Wars. I do think, however, that OTH might have better codas on the whole than this show and that's saying something. It's extremely funny to me that CMM turned down this show to do OTH and he ended up getting two (and a half) more years of work out of it than our kids did (with a similarly successful film career afterward). And how OTH went on five more years than this one when they were considered rival shows for a short time. The OTH kids had the privacy of filming in Wilmington rather than down the street from LA (similar to the Creek kids). Of course that didn't help CMM's messy personal life much lol.

I catch occasional clips of the OTH podcast on tiktok and I absolutely adore how each actor capes for their character. It's so heart-warming. It makes me sad that I'm never gonna get that from Mischa about Marissa thanks to a million factors existing in the past and the present. It's a wild comparison to me sometimes. I am always, always thinking about Sophia's quote, "We're only family until us needing help jeopardizes their money. And that was such an ugly realization to me."

I know those ladies went through hell with their boss on that set (particularly Hilarie) and it's enabled them to work through their trauma together and that's just... sigh. Even when I disagree with them on takes or whatnot I find myself nodding along with them because they're so nuanced and insightful.

[subpar-ghoulfriend]

Gamer boy

Yandere!Shigaraki x reader 

NO MINORS

You caught the eye of an obsessive gamer. He's convinced you're perfect for him. So why are you ignoring him?

tw: yandere themes, stalking, kidnapping, noncon, alcohol use, degradation, flash photography

You worked at the local gaming cafe. It was a pretty chill job most of the time. The adults who came in didn't care to socialize or cause problems and the school kids would only try to run a muck for a short while until they got entrapped by whatever they were playing. You sat at the help desk, renting out games, consoles, and selling sugary drinks. Easy as pie. Like any cafe, you had regular customers.

Once a week a wild-haired-sloucher would slink up to your desk to rent out a computer mouse and then head to the same computer every time - number 001. After an hour or so he would come up to buy an energy drink.

Of course you didn't know that he came here because Kurogiri would force him out of his cave once a week.

Your first mistake was on his third visit. When he came in you had a computer mouse and his favorite energy drink sitting out for him. The drink was on the house, you smiled. To you, this was a friendly gesture to make sure your reliable customers would keep coming back. To him, this was an offering of your submission. The second sign you gave was asking him if he was going to attend the opening of a new gaming store. He wasn't, obviously, but you wanted him to go, didn't you?

He started keeping tabs on you. To make sure you were worthy, he told himself. He was impressed to find that you actually had a useful quirk. You had a group of friends that lived in your apartment complex. He found it a bit pathetic that you spent so much time with them. But it must be hard for you to not be with him. You must be so lonely when he wasn't around.

Then he began to sneak in to your room, whether you were there or not. Occasionally he would sort through your drawers while you were in the shower; or play whatever game he chose to keep on his phone that week while you slept. When you were away he would take a more thorough inventory. He went through the movies and games piled in your living room. Carefully skimmed through the books on your nightstand. Rummaged through your cabinets and fridge.

Shigaraki was at war with himself on what his next move should be. A piece of him - however small - wanted to go about things like a normal person. But that left too much room for rejection. He was biding his time, trying to develop some form of plan. Until you forced him into action. 

It happened during one of the nights he devoted to watching over you. Your friends had finally convinced you to go out with them. Allowing them to play dress up, they put you something too short and too tight for Shigaraki's comfort. They were going to drag you to a bar in that? You were practically begging for men to proposition you. Why did you even own something like that? You knew you belonged to him. Anyone aside from him shouldn't see that amount of your body. The anger was starting to creep over him, his skin becoming too tight until he was forced to seek relief by digging into his neck.

Things only went down hill from there. While you were having a great time, completely unaware of your stalker's presence, Shigaraki sulked angrily along the edge of the club you had been pulled into. You were drunk, although no where near as drunk as your companions and happily in the middle of the dance floor. As you faced your friend, a man wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you tightly against him by the hips. You didn't mind at first, until you realized the man was a complete stranger and not another person you knew. Your shrugged him off and the oaf moved on towards his next prey. It took everything Shigaraki had in him not to end the man's life, along with everyone else in the damn room. But he managed. And you kept dancing, drawing in guys like flies to honey. None of them caught your eye, of course not, even when intoxicated you knew who you belonged to. Obviously, you were using these NEETs to get under Shigaraki's skin. Taunting him for not keeping you in check.

One of the girls you came with had wandered off with some "handsome" stranger and you were the only one with enough wherewithal to go looking for her. You listened to podcasts, Don't let your friends go off alone ESPECIALLY when intoxicated, it was a true crime commandment.

With no luck in the club you ventured outside, breaking the commandment yourself. You weaved around the building, holding on to the wall to keep yourself from stumbling. In the back of the building you ran into a hooded figure. 

"Have you seen my friend?"

The figure, Shigaraki, tilted his head. He had two options, take you in this back alley and risk someone hearing you scream, or begin a game of cat and mouse. You just looked so dazed and fuckable.

"Your friends? I'm not sure but I saw two people head that way," He lied and pointed away from the club. "Do you need help looking for them."

You scrunched your nose, genuinely (and drunkenly) debating the idea. Finally you shook your head, "No thanks, stranger danger."

"Then it's a good thing I'm not a stranger," he smirked. Finally you realized who the person in front of you was.

With a gasp you giggled, "Gamer boy!"

"Shigaraki," he reminded you, shifting back and forth uncomfortably trying to ease the growing swell in his pants. Why did you have to be so cute?

"Hm, okay then but no funny business."

He smirked as he lead you away from your friends. After a few blocks you were ready to give up, you tend to be a tired drunk and just wanted to go home to your bed. Shigaraki was understanding, probably too understanding, and willing to walk you back to your place. You thanked him, ready to bid him farewell at your door, but he followed you in, convincing your drunk brain that you two should have a drink before he left. You curled yourself into your couch while you listened to your guest.

"Thanks for walking," you yawned, "with me. You're so nice."

Gently the villain lifted you off your feet, "Someone's tired. Let's get you in to bed."

You nodded. Unable to process the impending danger. Until you realized that he was joining you on your bed, starting to tug at your outfit. "Shigi, what are you doing."

"I'm giving you what you want," he said in between nips to your neck and shoulders. "You've been misbehaving all night. Dressing and acting like a slut. Practically offering your body to any undeserving male. If you want to be a whore, then you can be my whore."

A hand slid beneath cotton of your clothes.

He teased your slick flesh, "See how quickly your body reacts to me?"

Your head was spinning, not really processing what he was saying. But you felt good and you wanted to keep feeling good. His unruly hair tickled your nose. You giggled. He latched his lips around your breast, teasing your nipples. One with his tongue, the other with his thumb.

The heat between your legs was becoming unbearable.

"What are you going to do to me?"

He lift his eyes to look up at you, "Such a forgetful thing. I'm gonna pound into your little pussy until you forget that any one besides me exists."

You whined in confusion. Your memory fuzzy on what led up to this moment. Had you brought him home?

He carefully continued to tease your sensitive body. Biting at your thighs and pressing against your soaked panties.

...

"Tell me who you belong to

...

"I'm never letting you get out of bed. I gotta make sure I keep my desperate whore in her place."

...

...

"Are you begging for my cum? Such a greedy little bitch."

...

"Spread your legs, let me see how pretty you look when you're stuffed with my cum."  *flash* "so pretty. You wanna see how god I take care of you?"

...

"Make sure you keep behaving once we get you home. If you misbehave I'll have to hurt another one of your friends."

[coffeestainedcamera]

Nope is hitting digital this week, so spoiler talk time

Saw it in theater just because of Peele's involvement and yeah, that was the right call. It's still thoroughly his blend of horror, absurdity, and social commentary, even if the budget blatantly went up again. Is a little of his magic lost from that? Well, yes and nope, it's just much louder and I felt like I walked away with a bit less to hyper-analyze than the last two times around. Still, no regrets. Courtesy spoiler cut.

Hollywood magic?

Sure, it's a movie about it to some extent. Slightly unavoidable when you're a Universal summer creature feature, although it's also a middle finger to it in some ways. We don't see a single studio, except in the sitcom incident flashbacks and the very beginning.

The sitcom set scene at the beginning was an ice shower after the ad-and-trailer time (and all the smartphone scrolling that entailed, except when something interesting happened). But it felt disconnected at first, as it foreshadowed saucer's animalistic nature but otherwise felt thematically odd. My mom felt it gestured at the idea that the content needs to continue, regardless of possible costs to entire team's health, as all of it only happened because some network felt a chimp would add a distinguishing element to its latest sitcom. I felt it set up a discussion of the idea that every second of your existence needs to be monetizable, regardless of how painful that second is.

Jupe is an interesting counterpart to OJ, as he spun nearly dying due to a studio's complete disregard for his safety into a post-child actor life revenue stream. In the meantime, OJ still keeps trying for the stuntwork-related contracts, even though stories of inexplicable encounters with things from the sky are prime podcast fodder.

But he keeps quiet. Not just because Emerald is the showman of the family, but because it's a traumatic incident. Indeed, it's only with her insistence that they become UFO hunters (and try to get some TV money together to keep the ranch going). Privacy of grief doesn't mean much when content still needs to keep going. Their family may be connected to Hollywood's silent days (if Emerald is to be believed), but not as actors or anything else that gets high billing and the bulk of the budget.

The anti-spectacle, in some moments

Really, Jupe's UFO show was the latest reminder to never work with animals you struggle to understand. He survived the chimp, and maybe figured he had some form of animal connection or whatever. But nope, didn't save him when the animal chose to snack on the audience instead of the horse.

And in general, it was funny to see how the element that likely required a ton of CGI work was instead suggested via sound cues and signs of EMP blasts throughout most of the movie. $70M USD budget, so can't exactly have a superhero movie third act in here. I loved that move, as it immersed me in the minds of the principal characters and let me fill these blanks in with things that were likely worse than whatever Peele had in his drafts.

Plus, it felt like an antithesis to the bloody shoe room that Jupe had. OJ, Emerald, and Angel are investigating the worst thing that befell the Haywood family recently, with intent to finally monetize it, but keep having second thoughts. Aside from the natural self-preservation instinct the siblings have as seasoned animal handlers, they just don't feel prepared to directly confront this tragedy yet. Emerald keeps turning up the star factor, OJ keeps silent. It's not until the third-act confrontation that we fully see the creature, not just because of the need to save the flashiest imagery for last but because they're finally looking the tragedy in the eye and dropping their coping mechanisms.

Watching them weaponize its extensively foreshadowed weaknesses is delightful, after everything the invasive animal put them through. Although Peele doesn't care for straightforward Hollywood happy endings, especially when writing wild animals. It'd have been too straightforward of a spectacle otherwise.

And really, it's why I enjoyed it so much, between Palmer, Kaluuya, and Yeun's A-game and the uncertain ending. Peele used the summer creature feature to comment on the notion of movie magic, the ever-so-ruthless attention economy of today, and the lives of the creatives that don't get top billing, all within about two hours. It was meta, uncomfortably funny in places, and probably the best weaponization of nostalgia I've seen in a while. Definitely a return from the sophomore slump.

[damienthepious]

i would sell u to satan for One Comment. pfft dklfsldkjf hello please enjoy my little fic lalala

Missive

[ao3]

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationship: Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla

Characters: Sir Damien, Rilla, Lord Arum

Additional Tags: Second Citadel, Lizard Kissin’ Tuesday, Established Relationship, Secret Relationship, Polyamory, (which like DUH but also), (it's. specifically the context. idk how to. ah whatever just read it.), Kissing, very mild angst, Implied Sexual Content, rilla hooligan hours!!!

Summary: Lord Arum cannot join Damien and Rilla in much of their lives. Luckily, they are all of them too clever to let that stop them from sharing as much as they possibly can.

Notes: this Possessed me. it did not exist this morning, and now it does. oops! uh, enjoy?? ghjgkdjfk love u happy lkt <3<3<3

~

It leaves an ache deep in Damien's chest, the reality which must, for the sake of all of their safety, keep Lord Arum tucked away from his and Rilla's lives in the Citadel. That reality dictates that Damien's home must be kept distant from his lily, that he may not even speak Arum's name or acknowledge his existence for fear of bringing danger to all that Damien loves. It aches, and perhaps it would only ache if Sir Damien were left with his own instincts and sorrow and guilt to guide him, but-

Early on, Rilla comes to meet him on a break (he has convinced the Queen to allow him guard duty again, despite the cast on his arm), on the pretense of checking his injuries and bringing him medication for the pain. She takes his hand, and with a grin that Damien could not argue against even if he wanted to, she tugs him into a side room, small and private.

"What-"

She leans dangerously close, tilts his chin up with a knuckle while her grin slips to a smirk, and then she leans down, pressing their lips together in a tender, fierce sort of kiss, ending with a sharp little bite on his bottom lip. He gasps softly as she pulls away, her other hand tangled playfully in his curls, and when he blinks his eyes back open she laughs at the look on his face.

"Arum wanted me to pass that along," she says slyly, nuzzling against his cheek. "And here's one from me, too."

She tugs his hair gently to angle his head back, and then she kisses him once more, warm and undeniable and stunning his mind completely blank.

She laughs again as he slowly blinks back to himself, holding her close in his arms and murmuring something that might either be a prayer or a line of verse (not even Damien himself is certain, just at the moment), and then she cups his cheek with a softer, fonder smile.

"Rilla," he breathes, and he can imagine, just for a heartbeat, Arum's heat at his back, Arum's arms curling gentle and certain around the both of them. "Oh, oh love, I-"

"I know," she says, stroking her thumb over his cheek. "I know I can't keep you for long, I just wanted to make sure I got that very important message to you." She winks, and Damien laughs helplessly. She leans a little closer, then, her lips teasing at the line of his jaw. "Any return message you'd like to send back with me, Sir Poet?"

Damien laughs again, both at her words and at the nearly tickling touch of her lips against his skin.

He considers, for a moment, humming lightly as he holds Rilla snugly against his chest, and then he nods.

"An equally crucial one, certainly," he says, his voice sonorous with mock-severity. "I am quite confident I can entrust you with delivering a missive of such grave import."

Her eyes spark with delight, her lips pressing together to bury the full force of her enthusiasm. "On my honor, oh brave Sir Knight," she purrs, utterly indulgent.

"But first, my forever-flower," he murmurs, and then he leans up, peppering her cheeks with sweet, gentle kisses until she laughs, and then he captures her own lips properly, and the way she giggles even into the kiss is as dear and right as home. "First, only for you," he finishes, murmuring soft, and she smiles so warm that it makes his heart stumble.

"You are so sweet sometimes that it drives me crazy," she says, teasing over an edge of heat as she squeezes her arms around him.

"I hope I shall drive our lily to quite the same distraction," Damien admits, and then he schools his expression mock-serious again. "Now, for my message in kind..."

Damien curls his injured arm carefully tight around the small of her back, trails his other hand slowly up her spine until he can cradle the back of her head (he imagines Rilla mirroring him, tracing a line up the center of Arum's back, imagines the way the monster will shiver and hiss in response), and then he pulls her gently down into the kiss.

He tries to pour out the whole of his affection, tender and lingering against Rilla's lips, teasing only gentle with his tongue, delicate in just the way he knows will make their monster go breathless and wild when Rilla echoes this kiss in his arms.

When their lips part, he presses his forehead against her own, leaving his eyes closed with a sigh.

"Saints," Rilla breathes, and Damien can hear the grin in her voice. "Y'know, I was planning on trying to get some work done today, but after that-"

Damien laughs. "It was not my intention at all to thwart your plans, my love, but- well, I do not foresee you escaping from our lily's arms for quite some time after you deliver that particular note."

"Oh no," she says, utterly sarcastic. "How awful for me, not at all a complete fucking win that I'll have to find a way to pay you back for sometime."

"Certainly," Damien hums warmly. "Of course not, my flower."

They cling for a little while longer, mutually reluctant for as long as they can justify, until eventually they manage to pry themselves apart, kissing once more before they each retreat to their respective responsibilities. This time, however, the parting does not leave Damien awash with that sense of inevitable heartsick loneliness. He cannot see his lily here, in his Citadel. He cannot even speak of that beloved half of his heart, but-

Arum's mind lingers on Damien, even distant. Enough so to whisper affection into Rilla's ear to bring with her, to bring along to Damien. And Rilla will bear his own affection back, to reassure their monster of their love in the moments they cannot share in truth.

Arum cannot join them in the Citadel, not as the world exists currently, but-

Damien and Rilla both carry Lord Arum with them, regardless. In their hearts, in their hands, on their lips, in the love they share with each other. Even distant, their love persists. Even hidden.

Sir Damien stands stalwart at his post, dutiful for the rest of the day, and his lips tingle and his mind drifts with buzzing affection as he devises some rather pleasant ideas regarding future messages to pass between his loves, and he does not need to brace beneath his yearning while his mind is so much more gently occupied.

Lord Arum nuzzles affection into the back of his neck to carry along the next time he leaves the Keep, arms wound snug around his chest, and Damien enthusiastically carries that warmth with him until he can surprise Rilla between appointments the next morning, making her squeak and giggle when Damien nips gently at the back of her neck.

Rilla shocks him into a yelp with her hand on his backside just outside the barracks, cackling laughter and deflecting all blame to the monster for the slap until Damien laughs as well, already strategizing a volley in return.

Arum pins him against the wall the moment he enters the Keep, echoing Amaryllis' teasing words to soften the news that she will be too busy to join them that evening.

Rilla graces him with Arum's kiss in the market square, surrounded by laughter and light, and he returns a kiss to be delivered in the dim-lit safety of the Keep, and for only a moment, he can feel Lord Arum's scaled palm, settled soft over their own clasped hands.

They weave affection between them, passing hands and tongues and whispers, and whenever any two of them are removed from their third, they breathe their distant love to each other regardless, memory and intent and shared devotion, love murmured from lip to lip to lip to lip, notes folded and refolded, softened by affectionate caressing and made ever more beautiful. And always, every time, the love they carry between them is sealed with a kiss.

[dailytomlinson]

While many artists would jump at the chance to tell you how lockdown has been a fruitful opportunity for self-improvement, full of pseudo self-help books and pompous podcasts, former One Directioner Louis Tomlinson is adamant that he has done, well, nothing.

“I’ve just watched loads of s___ TV,” he says after a long pause. “The Undoing is decent, isn’t it?”

Twenty-eight--year-old Tomlinson from Doncaster was always the down-to-earth Directioner, frequently describing himself as fringe member who spent more time analysing the band’s contracts than singing solos, known for chain-smoking his way through several packs of cigarettes a day and swearing like a trooper. A rarity, these days, among millennials who’d rather suck on a stem of kale and tweet about their #blessings.

He's getting ready to rehearse an exciting one-off gig that will be live-streamed from a secret London location on December 12, announced today exclusively via the Telegraph. The proceeds of the night will be split across four charities: The Stagehand Covid-19 Crew Relief Fund and Crew Nation, Bluebell Wood Children’s Hospice and Marcus Rashford’s charity FareShare, to help end child poverty.

The gig means a great deal to Tomlinson, whose first ever tour as a solo artist, to promote his debut solo album WALLS, was cut short back in March after just two concerts in Spain and Mexico. It was an album he’d spent five years working on: a guitar-led project that ruptured with the preppy pop anthems of One Direction, inspired instead by Tomlinson’s love for Britpop.

No doubt he was anxious to get it right following a decade “grown in test tubes”, as Harry Styles once described the band’s formation on the X Factor, where they came third before going on to make a reported $280,000 a day as the most successful band in the world. The pressure, too, was intense: all four bandmates had already released their own solo debuts.

Was he left reeling, I ask, unable to perform at such a crucial moment?

“The thing that I always enjoyed the most about One Direction was playing the shows, so my master plan, when I realised I was going to do a solo career, was always my first tour. It’s something I’ve been looking forward to for the best part of five years now. I got so close, I got a taste for it, and it’s affected me like everyone else, but I’m forever an optimist,” he says down the phone, with what I can only imagine to be a rather phlegmatic shrug.

Sure, I say, but the last year can’t have been easy. Didn’t he feel like his purpose had popped?

“You know what,” he says, reflecting, “maybe because I’ve had real dark moments in my life, they’ve given me scope for optimism. In the grand scheme of things, of what I’ve experienced, these everyday problems...they don’t seem so bad.”

Tomlinson is referring to losing his 43-year-old mother, a midwife, to leukemia in 2016, and his 18-year-old sister Felicite, a model, to an accidental drug overdose in 2018. The double tragedy is something he has been open about on his own terms, dedicating his single, Two of Us, from WALLS, to his mother Johannah, while often checking in with fans who have lost members of their own family.

It’s not unusual for Tomlinson to ask his 34.9 million followers if they’re doing alright, receiving hundreds of thousands of personal replies. It’s not something he will discuss in interviews, however, after he slammed BBC Breakfast for shamelessly probing his trauma in February this year. “Never going back there again,” he tweeted after coming off the show.

“Social media is a ruthless, toxic place, so I don’t like to spend much time there,” says Tomlinson, “but because of experiencing such light and shade all while I was famous, I have a very deep connection with my fans. They’ve always been there for me.”

In return, Tomlinson is good to them. Last month he even promised some new music, saying that he’d written four songs in four days. Does this mean that a second album is on the way?

“Yeah, definitely,” he says. “I’m very, very excited. I had basically penciled down a plan before corona took over our lives. And now it's kind of given me a little bit of time to really get into what I want to say and what I want things to sound like. Because, you know, I was really proud of my first record, but there were moments that I felt were truer to me than others. I think that there were some songs where I took slightly more risk and owned what I love, saying, ‘This is who I want to be’. So I want to take a leaf out of their book.”

Fans might think he’s referring to writing more heartfelt autobiographical content such as Two of Us, but in fact, he’s referring specifically to rock-inspired Kill My Mind, he says, the first song on WALLS. “There’s a certain energy in that song, in its delivery, in its attitude, that I want to recreate. People are struggling at the moment, so I want to create a raucous, exciting atmosphere in my live show, not a somber, thoughtful one.”

He sighs, trying to articulate something that’s clearly been playing on his mind for a while. “You know, because of my story, my album was a little heavy at times and a little somber. And as I'm sure you're aware, from talking to me, now, that isn't who I am.”

It must be draining, I say, the weight of expectation in both the media and across his fanbase, to be a spokesperson for grief and hardship. To have tragedy prelude everything he does and says.

“Honestly, it’s part of being from Doncaster as well, I don’t like people feeling sorry for me. That’s the last thing I want.”

Too many incredible memories to mention but not a day goes by that I don't think about how amazing it was. @NiallOfficial @Harry_Styles @LiamPayne @zaynmalik . So proud of you all individually.

The problem is, says Tomlinson, he doesn’t have the best imagination. “I have interesting things to say musically, but what’s challenging from a writing perspective is that I write from the heart, and I can’t really get into someone else’s story. And right now, being stuck at home, you have so little experience to draw from. It’s actually quite hard to write these positive, uplifting songs, because actually, the experiences that you're going through on a day to day basis, you know, you they don't have that same flavour.”

There is something that’s helping, though: a secret spot near Los Angeles, where he divides his time. “It’s remote and kind of weird, and I’m going to go there for three days and write. I don’t know why I’m so drawn to it. I found it via a YouTube video. It’s got some very interesting locals who live there, it’s sort of backwards when it comes to technology. It feels like you’re going back in time when you’re there. But I don’t want to give it away.”

Another source of inspiration for his second album is the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ back catalogue. “I grew up on their album Bytheway. And during lockdown I've been knee deep in their stuff. I’ve watched every documentary, every video. And I find their lead guitarist John Frusciante just fascinating.”

Has he spoken to Frusicante?

“I f______ wish,” snorts Tomlinson.

Surely someone as well-known as Tomlinson could easily get in touch?

“No, honestly, I think he’s too cool for that. He’s not into that kind of thing.”

Tomlinson’s passion for all things rock is also spurring on a side hustle he picked up as a judge on the X Factor in 2018: managing an all-female rock band via his own imprint on Simon Cowell’s Syco label. While the group disbanded before releasing their first single, and Tomlinson split from Syco earlier this year, the singer is keen to nurture some more talent.

“I'm not gonna lie, my process with my imprint through Syco, it became challenging and it became frustrating at times,” Tomlinson says a little wearily. “The kind of artists that I was interested in developing – because I genuinely feel through my experience in One Direction, you know, one of the biggest f______ bands, I feel like I've learned a lot about the industry – they weren’t ready-made. So I had lots of artists that I took through the door that were rough and ready, but major labels want to see something that works straight away. I found that a little bit demotivating. I love her and she's an incredible artist, but not everyone is a Taylor Swift.”

Tomlinson spends much of his free time scouting new talent either on YouTube, Reddit or BBC Introducing – he’s currently a huge fan of indie Brighton band, Fickle Friends. His dream is to manage an all-female band playing instruments. “Because there's no one in that space. And I know eventually if I don't do it, someone else will!”

Before he drives off to rehearsals, we chatter about how much he's been practising his guitar playing, and how he can't wait to take the whole team working at his favourite grassroots venue, The Dome in Doncaster, out ice-skating after he performs there on his rescheduled tour. “Because I've got skills,” he says, and I can hear his chest puff.

And then I ask the question every retired member of One Direction has been batting off ever since they broke up in 2015, after Zayn Malik quit. Rumours that his bandmates saw him as a Judas went wild after some eagle eyes fans noticed they’d unfollowed him on Instagram. Payne, Tomlinson, Horan and Styles have barely mentioned him since. Recently, however, they re-followed him, and Payne has teased that a One Direction reunion is on the cards.

So: might 2021 be the year of resurrection?

“I thought you were going to ask something juicier!” say Tomlinson witheringly. “Look, I f______ love One Direction. I'm sure we're going to come back together one day, and I'll be doing a couple of One Direction songs in my gig. I always do that, so that's not alluding to any reunion or anything. But, I mean, look, I'm sure one day we'll get back together, because, you know, we were f______ great.”

[ilovejevsjeans]

Daniel Ricciardo on his passion for combat sports, a walkout song and the time he asked Lewis Hamilton to ‘fight’

McLaren Formula One driver Daniel Ricciardo, who currently sits seventh in the driver standings heading into this weekend’s Spanish Grand Prix, is among the world’s best behind a steering wheel. But how would he fare if he swapped his racing gloves for boxing or MMA gloves?

“I’d love to do a charity boxing match or something just to feel that adrenaline of walking to a ring,” Ricciardo said. “It’s on my to-do list for sure. At school I had a few little fights but nothing crazy. Nothing I’d brag about here.”

Ricciardo says he learned the sport of boxing from a friend who fought as an amateur growing up. However in recent years his love of combat shifted more toward mixed martial arts, a sport that is “quite beautiful. It’s an art form and I was just taken by it.”

The Australian — who boasts 4.6 million followers on Instagram — rarely misses a fight night, whether that’s a small card or pay-per-view. Every Monday he gears up for multiple MMA podcasts to hear analysis on what just took place in the cage.

In an exclusive interview with The Athletic, Ricciardo opened up about his love for fighting, which driver would make the best opponent and why Lewis Hamilton turned down an opportunity to get in the ring against him.

You’re an avid fight fan. How did this passion for the sport start?

One of my best friends growing up, when he was growing up, he was doing amateur boxing and got very good at it. I was then doing my racing and he was doing his boxing. We were both on a bit of an unconventional path — both individual sports, not really the typical sports the kids at school were doing. We had that in common. Once I started taking my racing more seriously I began taking my fitness more seriously. So I started going to his gym to just train. I really enjoyed doing it. But the truth is — I don’t want to lie to anyone. I’m not a fighter. As much as I would picture beating the bully up at school, it’s not me. But I just fell in love with not only doing it but also watching it.

I enjoyed watching boxing but it was really when I got exposed to MMA … It just had me. It was back in 2011 when I started properly getting into it. It was the quickest sport I had ever been absorbed by. I was all in.

My whole YouTube feed is just all MMA shows, whether it’s press conferences, interviews, podcasts. It’s just full of MMA stuff. I’m a full nerd now.

Being in Australia and traveling a lot, are you forced to get up at weird times for fights?

The beauty was I was in LA when (Conor McGregor vs. Dustin Poirier 2) was on so it was prime time and I was happy. But normally in Europe, it’s 4 a.m. or 5 a.m., which isn’t as good. Any kind of sporting event that you look forward to, it’s always cool when it’s in the evening because you have all day to get ready and talk about it. If you wake up at 4 a.m. it’s like “ugh,” and then you’re straight into it so there’s not as much of a build-up. But it’s all good.

So do you still train at all?

No. To races, my trainer carries some pads and gloves just to stay a little sharp and change it up. If I’m getting my reflexes with some tennis balls, maybe I throw in a bit of a boxing combination or something. Again, I’m not saying I’m good or anything. But I just enjoy the whole movement part of it.

Boxing was cool and I enjoyed watching it growing up. But there was something with MMA where there’s just so many different disciplines and the matchups … as a contest it was so much more open and for that, exciting. I feel — I know it’s not always the case — you can kind of tell in boxing if someone is getting momentum, the advantage. It’s like “this guy is going to win the fight.” But in MMA, it’s like “this guy is winning standing but if this goes to the ground, it’s back to square one.” So I just loved it. I was really immersed by it all.

Did you have a particular fighter or fight that got you hooked early on?

One of the first events I watched was UFC 116. Chris Leben was on the card and I think he was losing the fight. And then he got a triangle with probably 20 seconds to go in the third round, so that was really exciting. Stephan Bonnar was also on that card and he got a really cool finish on “The Polish Experiment” Krzysztof Soszynski. That was a card for me where I was very taken from that. Then I discovered “The Ultimate Fighter.” I just binge-watched all of those (seasons).

In terms of fighters, Leben was a character, I liked him. Carlos Condit. I’d say Condit and Cub Swanson were two guys I got behind early on. Condit, I love his style and the way he carries himself.

Have you been to a lot of cards in person?

The very first one I did was the best for me personally. To this day, it’s my favorite sporting event I’ve ever been to: (Conor) McGregor-(Chad) Mendes. Vegas in July 2015. Obviously McGregor, but he wasn’t yet a champion and still kind of on the rise. It was the energy and atmosphere. It was just wild.

The whole event too. (Robbie) Lawler-(Rory) MacDonald, which had the fight of the year. Every fight on the main card I think was a finish, so I got very lucky at my first event.

I’ve done (Michael) Bisping-(Anderson) Silva in the UK. That was a great contest as well.

There are a lot of great fighters from Australia and New Zealand like Israel Adesanya, Alexander Volkanovski and Robert Whittaker. Have you had a chance to meet any of them?

I haven’t met them. A couple of them I’ve had interactions with on social media. But I love Whittaker, obviously Volkanovski is killing it. I’m fairly patriotic to the Aussie fighters. If they are fighting, 99 percent of the time I’ll be supporting them. But one of my good buddies is roommates with Luke Rockhold, so I got to know Luke the last couple of years. I was trying to do some training over Christmas with him but it didn’t end up working out.

I know you’re a big shoey guy. What do you think of Tai Tuivasa doing it after wins?

I’ve had a bit of contact with Tuivasa as well. It’s obviously great. But one thing I can’t get behind is spitting. That’s a little extra.

Plus he’ll grab some random fan’s shoe.

He definitely takes it to the next level. It’s cool that — as disgusting as it is — we have some traditions like this.

Shifting a bit to F1, have you ever gotten into any big fights on the track? What was the worst fight you’ve gotten in?

Earlier in go-karting there was a bit more. Unfortunately in F1, I guess because you’re on the world’s stage, even if you push someone you probably are going to get a fine or get penalized. At times it’s a little too clean. But I’m still waiting for the day that someone confronts me and I just lay them out (laughs).

You also just seem a lot more laid back than a lot of other drivers, so you’d probably not be my first choice of someone getting into a fight soon.

I’m all talk, it would be nice obviously to not have to fight anyone. But no one would expect it from me. Even when I tell people I’m a fight fan, people are like “oh really? You’re into that? You seem too nice to like that.”

But to get where I have in the sport, you need a bit of a killer streak in you. I do have it, but don’t always show it.

What other driver would make the best fighter?

I know some guys have done — for fitness — hit some pads. Randomly, he doesn’t have a seat this year, but Daniil Kvyat started doing quite a lot of boxing last year for his training. I saw a few clips and it started to look like he knew what he was doing. I would say he would be the guy who has the most idea. I’d put him and myself up there. The rest I don’t think stand a chance.

So if you had a charity event, you don’t have anyone in particular you’d want to go against?

To be honest, I actually asked Lewis Hamilton. At the beginning of 2016, he posted a video on his Instagram hitting pads. I was as well at the time, so I was like “hey, let’s do a charity fight.” I asked him in person. But he didn’t bite on that one so I was a little sad.

I might re-ask the question.

What about Max Verstappen? For people who watched the first season of the F1 show “Drive to Survive” on Netflix, I’m sure they would love to see you guys throw down at some point.

That would have been cool as well (laughs). Max would be a good competitor in the ring. The way he drives, he’s quite stubborn. He’d be a hard guy to put away. He’s probably the guy that you’d choke him and he’s going to sleep and not tapping. That would make an interesting one.

In contrast, is there an MMA fighter you’d like to race on the track?

An obvious one would be Conor McGregor. To hear in his Irish accent all kinds of things, that would make pretty good television. And he loves his cars. It’s obvious, but that would probably be the best.

How often would you say you watch fights now? Not just PPVs, right?

Unless I have something like work or another commitment, I’m watching it every week. Mondays I’m getting ready for every podcast. I sound like a real nerd but it’s just an addiction. I love it. Anyone doing that for Formula 1, I’d be like “you’re such a nerd,” but here I am doing it with MMA.

Is it hard to follow everything during the race season?

If I can’t see it live, then 100 percent I’m going to watch the replay or buy it later. But it’s also a good escape. If I’m traveling and I’m in between races, to get my mind away from my competition, I like to watch it. I also try to pick up things as well. Whether it’s from a mental point of view … I’ll look at the walkouts and how they are behaving. I try to figure out if they are really as calm and collected as they are portraying or if it’s a bit of a facade. I’m trying to work out what I can use in my events.

Do you have a walkout song prepared if you were to fight?

I’ve thought about it. The short answer is no. You typically have to have something heavy and fast, but I fell in love with Chris Weidman’s “Won’t Back Down.” It’s not typically a song that will pump you up but it’s so iconic and now it’s his, it’s very fitting.

I’d go for something more lyrically powerful as opposed to instrumental. I loved Max Holloway’s, I think it’s called Mount Everest (by Labrinth). (X)

[piratewithvigor]

My first thought in regard to every band that gets played on my radio station

ACDC: Every dad’s favourite band

Adams, Bryan: Every mom’s favourite singer until Michael Buble came along

Aerosmith: haha they thought Vince Neil was a lady

Alice Cooper: he’s a Game Of Thrones fanboy and I have proof

Alice In Chains: my sister doesn’t like them because she decided AC were Alice Cooper’s initials ONLY

Allman Brothers Band: good music for dropping acid to

Allman, Gregg: That’s too many Gs for one name

Animals: House Of The Rising Sun, or who even cares

Argent: Sometimes Hold Your Head Up is really catchy

Asia: Tuesdays

Autograph: one of the members went on to be a pharmacist

Bachman-Turner Overdrive: There are just so many pop culture jokes about Taking Care Of Business that whatever I say won’t be as funny

Bad Company: with their song; Bad Company, off their album; Bad Company

Benatar, Pat: Always getting her confused with Patti Smith

Black Crowes: I like them for Lickin, but it doesn’t seem to exist outside of one shoddy video on youtube and my old CD

Blackfoot: this band name feels kind of racy

Black Sabbath: Dio was not better or worse than Ozzy; just different

Blondie: I like Call Me, but Blondie confuses me stylistically

Blue Oyster Cult: MORE COWBELL

Bon Jovi: Hello, childhood trauma, I missed you

Boston: ONE GUY. ONE GUY DID IT ALL AND NO ONE KNOWS

Bowie, David: Don’t let your children watch The Man Who Fell To Earth, or David Bowie’s will end up being the third penis they see in life

Browne, Jackson: Another musician ruined by Supernatural

Buffalo Springfield: Jack Nicholson was at the riot they sing about

Burdon, Eric: no ideas, brain empty

Bush: ditto

Candlebox: ditto once more. Who are these people?

Cars: This band feels so gay and so straight at the same time, I can only assume they’re the poster children of bisexual panic

Cheap Trick: I played Dream Police on Guitar Hero so fucking much because it was the only song anyone who played with me could keep up with

Chicago: Chicago 30 exists, but they do not have 30 albums. Fucking riddle me that

Clapton, Eric: 6 discs in one Greatest Hits is too many. That’s called “re releasing your discography”

Cochrane, Tom: For some reason, everyone thinks Rascal Flats did it better

Cocker, Joe: Belushi did it right

Collective Soul: who?

Collins, Phil: If his biggest hits were done by MCR, they would be emo anthems, but because he’s 5′6″ and from the 80s, they’re not

Cream: *Vietnam flashbacks on the hippie side*

CCR: *Vietnam flashbacks on the war side*

CSNY: David Crosby; meh

Deep Purple: THEY’RE SO MUCH MORE THAN SMOKE ON THE WATER

Def Leppard: the only music for when you’re a heartbroken bitch but also a sexy one

Derek And The Dominos: Clapton and ‘Layla’ broke up

Derringer, Rick: Tom Petty if he was from the midwest

Dio: You thought it was an anime reference, but it was me, Dio

Dire Straits: You can tell how bigoted a radio station is based on how much of Money For Nothing they censor

Doobie Brothers: I have yet to smoke weed, but I listen to the Doobies, and I think that’s pretty close

Dylan, Bob: I take back everything I said about him in my youth

Eagles: Hotel California isn’t their best song, but the memes that come from it are second to none

Edgar Winter Group: @the--blackdahlia

Electric Light Orchestra: Actually an orchestra and sound a fuckton like George Harrison

ELO: I really hesitate to ask what happens with the 7 virgins and a mule

Essex, David: no prominent memories of him

Fabulous Thunderbirds: cannot spell

Faces: Who on earth thought that was a good album name?

Faith No More: I got nothing

Fixx: One Thing Leads To Another is a damn bop

Fleetwood Mac: I ain’t straight, but I’m simply not enough of a witch to enjoy them to full potential

Fogerty, John: He got sued cause he sounded like himself

Foghat: Slow Ride slowly becoming less coherent feels like a drug trip

Foo Fighters: He was just excited to buy a grill

Ford, Lita: deserved better

Foreigner: dramatically overplayed

Frampton, Peter: a masterful user of the talk box

Free: dramatically underplayed

Gabriel, Peter: leaving Genesis changed him a lot

Genesis: if someone likes Genesis, clarify the era, because yes, it does matter

Georgia Satellites: sing like you have a cactus in your ass

Golden Earring: Twilight Zone slaps, but it doesn’t slap as hard as this station thinks it does

Grand Funk Railroad: Funk

Grateful Dead: I like their aesthetic more than their music

Great White: there are so many fucking shark jokes

Greenbaum, Norman: makes me think of Subway for some reason

Green Day: the first of the emo revolution

Greg Kihn Band: RocKihnRoll is literally the most clever album name I’ve ever seen

Guns N Roses: They have more than three good songs, but radio stations never recognize that

Hagar, Sammy: I’m still trying to figure out where he lived to take 16 hours to get to LA driving 55 and how fucking fast was he driving beforehand?

Harrison, George: He went from religious to rock, and if he had continued rocking, he would have gotten too cool 

Head East: I respect people who use breakfast foods as album names

Heart: Magic Man and Barracuda are played at least once every goddamn day. They’re not even the best songs!

Hendrix, Jimi: I have both a cousin and a sibling named after Hendrix references

Henley, Don: Dirty Laundry gives me too much inspiration

Hollies: Somehow sound like they’re both from the 60s and the 80s at the same time

Idol, Billy: he’s doing well for himself

INXS: Terminator vibes

Iris, Donnie: knockoff Roy Orbison

James Gang: too many funks

Jane’s Addiction: if TMNT had a grunge band representative

Jefferson Airplane: *assorted cheers*

Jefferson Starship: *assorted boos*

Jethro Tull: The only band to make you feel not cool enough to play the flute

Jett, Joan: icon

J. Geils Band: I requested them on the radio once and it got played

Joel, Billy: he really did just air everybody’s business like that

John Cafferty And The Beaver Brown Band: literally wtf is that name

John, Elton: yarn Elton sits in my basement, unstaring. Please someone take him from me

Joplin, Janis: Queen

Journey: Stop overplaying Don’t Stop Believing. It takes away from the rest of the repetoire

Judas Priest: literally started the gay leather aesthetic

Kansas: another fucking band Supernatural stole

Kenny Wayne Shepherd: the man confuses me to the point where he isn’t in the right place alphabetically

Kiss: Mick Mars and I will simply have to disagree on the subject

Kravitz, Lenny: runaway vibes

Led Zeppelin: Fucking fight me if you don’t think they’re the most talented band (maybe not the most talented individually, but collectively, no one comes close)

Lennon, John: My least favourite Beatle for reasons

Live: I got nothin

Living Colour: slap a decent amount

Loverboy: do you not get TURNT the fuck up to the big Loverboy hits? Who hurt you??

Lynyrd Skynyrd: Sweet Home Alabama is a Neil Young diss track

Marshall Tucker Band: no opinion

Manfred Mann’s Earth Band: VERY STRONG OPINIONS THAT THEY AREN’T GOOD

McCartney, Paul/Wings: Power couple

Meatloaf: I have nothing but respect for a man who willingly named himself Meatloaf

Mellencamp, John: voted cutest lesbian of 1987

Metallica: I liked their appearance on Jimmy Fallon

Midnight Oil: I get them confused for Talking Heads a lot

Modern English: who?

Molly Hatchet: Hollies vibes, but also Georgia Satellites vibes

Money, Eddie: DAN AVIDAN, IF YOU SEE THIS, COVER TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT

Motley Crue: Stan Mick Mars and John Corabi. They’re the only ones who deserve it

Mott The Hoople: no one loves them except for David Bowie

Mountain: props for naming an album ‘Climbing’

Nazareth: I want to make a John Mulaney joke here, but I can never come up with one

Nicks, Stevie: witch queen

Night Ranger: I get them confused with Urge Overkill

Nirvana: Kurt Cobain was the ally grunge needed

Nova, Aldo: he’s Canadian, at least

Nugent, Ted: *serves a ghost as jerky*

Offspring: nothing here

Osbourne, Ozzy: this bitch crazy

Outfield: Your Love is kind of a sketchy song, but it slaps hard

Palmer, Robert: low quality Eddie Money

Pearl Jam: *grunts in Eddie Vedder*

Petty, Tom: I have so many feelings about Tom Petty and they are all good

Pink Floyd: which one is Pink?

Plant, Robert: solo career is a crapshoot, but his voice is unparalleled

Poison: I want them to write a song called ‘Alice Cooper’

Pretenders: I want to say good things, but I have nothing to say

Queen: A doctor of astrophysics, a screaming girl, a disco queen and a diva walk into a bar. It’s Queen; they’re there to play a gig

Queensryche: neutral opinion

Quiet Riot: they got big because of a song they hated. I love that

Rafferty, Gerry: the second-sexiest sax opening in all of music

Rainbow: Ritchie Blackmore created something very magnificent

Ram Jam: one good song and they didn’t even write it

Ratt: I’m sure they have more than Round And Round, but I don’t know it

RHCP: funky, but if you have paid money to hear them, you’re going to The Bad Place (I don’t make the rules)

Red Rider: basically Golden Earring

Reed, Lou: Walk On The Wild Side would be such a cool song if it wasn’t so dull

REM: American Tragically Hip

REO Speedwagon: Props for having a dad joke as an album title

Rolling Stones: Never in my life could I imagine the drummer being named anything but Charlie

Rush: How to make being uncool the coolest fucking shit

Santana: The world needs more Santana

Scandal: There’s something really funny about The Warrior being my brother’s “song” with his girlfriend

Scorpions: Was Wind Of Change written by the CIA? Only the spotify podcast I got an ad for once could say

Seger, Bob: A different variety of Eric Clapton (frankly a better variety, but that’s just me)

Simple Minds: we ALL forgot about you

Skid Row: Sebastian Bach is prettier than all of us

Soundgarden: music that makes you feel like you dunked your head underwater

Springsteen, Bruce: my arch-nemesis. Maybe someday, he’ll find out about it

Squeeze: according to my friends, the stupidest band name ever, but they’re theatre kids, so you know

Squier, Billy: If he can make it through 1984 alive, you can make it through whatever bad day you’re having

Stealers Wheel: Yet another band who I always mistake for George Harrison

Steely Dan: my house’s nickname for the Robber in Settlers Of Catan

Steppenwolf: Either makes me think of Jay & Silent Bob, Jack Nicholson, or that time I had to cut 6lbs of onions

Steve Miller Band: when you’re in the right mood, they slap hard

Stewart, Rod: my soundtrack to summer 2015

Stills, Stephen: Love The One You’re With Is Catchy, but the lyrics are questionable

Stone Temple Pilots: the only band to write a song about goo you smear on yourself

Stray Cats: an obscene amount of merch is available for them

Styx: Supernatural would have ruined them for me too if I hadn’t been into them previously. 

Supertramp: I hunted for Breakfast In America for two years and it was worth every hunt

Sweet: I will never understand my two-month obsession with Ballroom Blitz when I was 15, but it was legit all I listened to

Talking Heads: you may find yourself in a pizza hut. And you may find yourself in a taco bell. And you may find yourself at the combination pizza hut and taco bell. And you may ask yourself; ‘how did I get here?’

Temple Of The Dog: I keep confusing them for Nazareth

Ten Years After: somehow still relevant

Tesla: not the car or the dude

The Beatles: Evokes a lot of opinions from people. Mine is that I love them

The Clash: I showed my sister the ‘Lock The Taskbar’ vine ONCE and it still kills her

The Doors: evokes teenage terror from deep within my soul

The Guess Who: Canada’s answer to confusing question-themed band names

The Kinks: kinky

The Police: wrote the theme of 2020 and everyone somehow forgot it was about a teacher resisting becoming a pedophile

The Ramones: playing all of their songs in a row wouldn’t take more than 2 hours

The Romantics: you don’t think you know them, but if you’ve seen Shrek 2, you have

The Who: If someone can explain Tommy to me, I’d be glad to hear it

The Zombies: I think they happened because of the 60s

Thin Lizzy: Could the boys maybe leave town?

Thorogood, George: blues, but make it modern

Toto: the most memed song behind All Star

Townshend, Pete: just makes me think of the end of Mr. Deeds

T-Rex: Mark Bolan is an icon

Triumph: The no-name brand of Rush

Tubes: like the yogurt

Twisted Sister: they did a christmas album and my mom does NOT hate it

U2: U2 Movers; we move in mysterious ways

Van Halen: RIP Eddie

Van Morrison: honestly, who’s named Van?

Vaughn, Stevie Ray: Steamy Ray Vaughn

Walsh, Joe: The Smoker You Drink The Player You Get

War: Foghat, but even groovier

Whitesnake: the most successful band to be named after a penis

Wright, Gary: the 90s thanks him for writing the song every movie used for the “guy sees cute girl and it’s love at first sight” scene

Yes: To Be Continued

Young, Neil: The best part of CSNY

Zevon, Warren: the album cover of Excitable Boy makes me deeply uncomfortable for reasons I don’t understand

ZZ Top: has been the same three guys since 1969. Lineup unchanged. 

3 Doors Down: They feel a little modern to be on a classic rock station, but whatever

38 Special: Why 38?

[blazehedgehog]

With that Sonic anniversary comic they just put out, the second story I feel they way overdid it with cramming references into every inch of every page and the third story had none of that but I felt was a funnier story overall. Does Sonic stuff overdo it with references these days?

I mean, to some degree, yes, Sonic has been overbearing with nostalgia for a long time now, but I also think that recent Sonic stuff is getting better at nostalgia, too. Starting with Sonic Mania, we’ve been seeing a greater outpouring of real, genuine love for Classic Sonic that doesn’t feel cloying like it did in, say, Sonic 4.

But I also think the second story in the 30th Anniversary book has other problems. I didn’t really mind it at first, but the more I roll it over in my head, the more it starts to sour a little bit. If you didn’t know, it’s written by Justin and Travis McElroy (and their dad, Clint, too). They do a series of podcasts and other things that have made them so mega-popular that the weight of that popularity is threatening to crush their business. 

I am indifferent to that. I listened to a lot of MBMBAM back in the day, and I always intended to try listening to The Adventure Zone (one of their other podcasts), but I ran out of time and places to listen to any podcasts. I liked MBMBAM a lot and I thankfully missed out on all the anguish and drama that would come to hound The Adventure Zone. I would not classify myself as a lover or a hater of the McElroy “brand” at this junction.

But if you told me that Justin and Travis set up a microphone, recorded themselves doing improv, and then transcribed that recording to text, I’d 100% believe that’s how this script got written. Because, like, I’ve listened to a fair amount of MBMBAM in my time, and that’s all this is. This is Justin and Travis riffing off of each other -- nothing more, nothing less.

It is so specifically their voices that I can tell you that Justin is Sonic and Travis is the driving instructor. And, like, let's be fair: this is what these guys do. The fact they probably wrote this in the way that was comfortable for them is fine. I'm not going to say they need to change anything about the process. But when I read this story, I don't hear Sonic characters. I hear Travis and Justin doing a MBMBAM bit, and then it's like somebody drew Sonic the Hedgehog artwork over the top of that, like it was one of those Youtube animatics people sometimes make of their podcast goofs. Sandwiched between two extremely loving, extremely nostalgic stories, this "Sonic Learns How to Drive" detour sticks out like a sore thumb. It doesn't line up with the vibe in the rest of the book. Seasons of Chaos? Absolutely gorgeous to look at, and it's a pitch-perfect example of how you use Classic Sonic to tell a story. There's a hard-to-describe tone to this, like somebody reached back in time to 1994 and pulled out the perfect adaptation of the Genesis games that never actually existed. Against all odds, they took the example set by Ian Flynn and Tyson Hesse's "Sonic: Megadrive" miniseries at Archie and actually made it better. Every page and every panel is like official 90′s Sega artwork come to life. At 50 or 60 pages long, it has a chance to stretch out and tell a longer contiguous story with more characters than the Megadrive mini could muster. It may not be deep or dramatic, but it doesn't need to be. It's fun, and that's what is important.

And then the book ends with "Dr. Eggman's Birthday," a sweet, endearing story where the badniks are just trying to show appreciation for their creator, who is predictably grumpy about celebrating his birthday. It's short and simple but it just made me feel good. In the middle of these two high points is a story where Sonic acts in a way that's deeply out of character, and 75% of most pages are taken up by word balloons and 30 different angles of a minivan interior. It doesn't fit. The book is a celebration of what we love about Sonic, but the McElroys don't strike me as particularly connected to the Sonic franchise and that comes through in the tone of the writing. It feels more like stunt casting. Which is where all these references come from, I think. The art is essentially trying to do all the heavy lifting. So you'll get a page that references the original announcement poster for Sonic 1, concept art for "Dr. Badvibes," the strange girl poster from Sonic Adventure, Sonic's Schoolhouse, the SegaSonic Popcorn Shop, G-Sonic, the glider from the Sonic Spinball intro, the prototype version of the Tornado from the Saturn version of Sonic Adventure, the flickies from Sonic 3D Blast, etc. All on one page. Heck, everything I mentioned is just in one panel of one page, and I didn't even cover everything. That's just the stuff I could personally identify. Basically, since the story itself wasn't going to do it, the artist went hog wild cramming in as much referential material as possible. And it's impressive, because there are cuts so deep even I didn’t know where they came from. But it doesn't really make the writing fit in any more with the rest of the book. That’s what bothers me, and the more I think about it, the less I like it. It feels down right random.

[louistomlinsoncouk]

While many artists would jump at the chance to tell you how lockdown has been a fruitful opportunity for self-improvement, full of pseudo self-help books and pompous podcasts, former One Directioner Louis Tomlinson is adamant that he has done, well, nothing.

“I’ve just watched loads of s___ TV,” he says after a long pause. “The Undoing is decent, isn’t it?”

Twenty-eight--year-old Tomlinson from Doncaster was always the down-to-earth Directioner, frequently describing himself as fringe member who spent more time analysing the band’s contracts than singing solos, known for chain-smoking his way through several packs of cigarettes a day and swearing like a trooper. A rarity, these days, among millennials who’d rather suck on a stem of kale and tweet about their #blessings.

Far from aimless, however, today the singer is full of beans, cheerily shushing his barking dog as he potters about his North London home where he lives with his best friend from home, Oli, and his girlfriend, the model Eleanor Calder.

He's getting ready to rehearse an exciting one-off gig that will be live-streamed from a secret London location on December 12, announced today exclusively via the Telegraph. The proceeds of the night will be split across four charities: The Stagehand Covid-19 Crew Relief Fund and Crew Nation, Bluebell Wood Children’s Hospice and Marcus Rashford’s charity FareShare, to help end child poverty.

The gig means a great deal to Tomlinson, whose first ever tour as a solo artist, to promote his debut solo album WALLS, was cut short back in March after just two concerts in Spain and Mexico. It was an album he’d spent five years working on: a guitar-led project that ruptured with the preppy pop anthems of One Direction, inspired instead by Tomlinson’s love for Britpop.

No doubt he was anxious to get it right following a decade “grown in test tubes”, as Harry Styles once described the band’s formation on the X Factor, where they came third before going on to make a reported $280,000 a day as the most successful band in the world. The pressure, too, was intense: all four bandmates had already released their own solo debuts.

Was he left reeling, I ask, unable to perform at such a crucial moment?

“The thing that I always enjoyed the most about One Direction was playing the shows, so my master plan, when I realised I was going to do a solo career, was always my first tour. It’s something I’ve been looking forward to for the best part of five years now. I got so close, I got a taste for it, and it’s affected me like everyone else, but I’m forever an optimist,” he says down the phone, with what I can only imagine to be a rather phlegmatic shrug.

Sure, I say, but the last year can’t have been easy. Didn’t he feel like his purpose had popped?

“You know what,” he says, reflecting, “maybe because I’ve had real dark moments in my life, they’ve given me scope for optimism. In the grand scheme of things, of what I’ve experienced, these everyday problems...they don’t seem so bad.”

Tomlinson is referring to losing his 43-year-old mother, a midwife, to leukemia in 2016, and his 18-year-old sister Felicite, a model, to an accidental drug overdose in 2018. The double tragedy is something he has been open about on his own terms, dedicating his single, Two of Us, from WALLS, to his mother Johannah, while often checking in with fans who have lost members of their own family.

It’s not unusual for Tomlinson to ask his 34.9 million followers if they’re doing alright, receiving hundreds of thousands of personal replies. It’s not something he will discuss in interviews, however, after he slammed BBC Breakfast for shamelessly probing his trauma in February this year. “Never going back there again,” he tweeted after coming off the show.

“Social media is a ruthless, toxic place, so I don’t like to spend much time there,” says Tomlinson, “but because of experiencing such light and shade all while I was famous, I have a very deep connection with my fans. They’ve always been there for me.”

In return, Tomlinson is good to them. Last month he even promised some new music, saying that he’d written four songs in four days. Does this mean that a second album is on the way?

“Yeah, definitely,” he says. “I’m very, very excited. I had basically penciled down a plan before corona took over our lives. And now it's kind of given me a little bit of time to really get into what I want to say and what I want things to sound like. Because, you know, I was really proud of my first record, but there were moments that I felt were truer to me than others. I think that there were some songs where I took slightly more risk and owned what I love, saying, ‘This is who I want to be’. So I want to take a leaf out of their book.”

Fans might think he’s referring to writing more heartfelt autobiographical content such as Two of Us, but in fact, he’s referring specifically to rock-inspired Kill My Mind, he says, the first song on WALLS. “There’s a certain energy in that song, in its delivery, in its attitude, that I want to recreate. People are struggling at the moment, so I want to create a raucous, exciting atmosphere in my live show, not a somber, thoughtful one.”

He sighs, trying to articulate something that’s clearly been playing on his mind for a while. “You know, because of my story, my album was a little heavy at times and a little somber. And as I'm sure you're aware, from talking to me, now, that isn't who I am.”

It must be draining, I say, the weight of expectation in both the media and across his fanbase, to be a spokesperson for grief and hardship. To have tragedy prelude everything he does and says.

“Honestly, it’s part of being from Doncaster as well, I don’t like people feeling sorry for me. That’s the last thing I want.”

The problem is, says Tomlinson, he doesn’t have the best imagination. “I have interesting things to say musically, but what’s challenging from a writing perspective is that I write from the heart, and I can’t really get into someone else’s story. And right now, being stuck at home, you have so little experience to draw from. It’s actually quite hard to write these positive, uplifting songs, because actually, the experiences that you're going through on a day to day basis, you know, you they don't have that same flavour.”

There is something that’s helping, though: a secret spot near Los Angeles, where he divides his time to see his four-year-old son, Freddie, whom he shares with his ex Briana Jungwirth, a stylist. “It’s remote and kind of weird, and I’m going to go there for three days and write. I don’t know why I’m so drawn to it. I found it via a YouTube video. It’s got some very interesting locals who live there, it’s sort of backwards when it comes to technology. It feels like you’re going back in time when you’re there. But I don’t want to give it away.”

Another source of inspiration for his second album is the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ back catalogue. “I grew up on their album Bytheway. And during lockdown I've been knee deep in their stuff. I’ve watched every documentary, every video. And I find their lead guitarist John Frusciante just fascinating.”

Has he spoken to Frusicante?

“I f______ wish,” snorts Tomlinson.

Surely someone as well-known as Tomlinson could easily get in touch?

“No, honestly, I think he’s too cool for that. He’s not into that kind of thing.”

Tomlinson’s passion for all things rock is also spurring on a side hustle he picked up as a judge on the X Factor in 2018: managing an all-female rock band via his own imprint on Simon Cowell’s Syco label. While the group disbanded before releasing their first single, and Tomlinson split from Syco earlier this year, the singer is keen to nurture some more talent.

“I'm not gonna lie, my process with my imprint through Syco, it became challenging and it became frustrating at times,” Tomlinson says a little wearily. “The kind of artists that I was interested in developing – because I genuinely feel through my experience in One Direction, you know, one of the biggest f______ bands, I feel like I've learned a lot about the industry – they weren’t ready-made. So I had lots of artists that I took through the door that were rough and ready, but major labels want to see something that works straight away. I found that a little bit demotivating. I love her and she's an incredible artist, but not everyone is a Taylor Swift.”

Tomlinson spends much of his free time scouting new talent either on YouTube, Reddit or BBC Introducing – he’s currently a huge fan of indie Brighton band, Fickle Friends. His dream is to manage an all-female band playing instruments. “Because there's no one in that space. And I know eventually if I don't do it, someone else will!”

Before he drives off to rehearsals, we chatter about how much he's been practising his guitar playing, and how he can't wait to take the whole team working at his favourite grassroots venue, The Dome in Doncaster, out ice-skating after he performs there on his rescheduled tour. “Because I've got skills,” he says, and I can hear his chest puff.

And then I ask the question every retired member of One Direction has been batting off ever since they broke up in 2015, after Zayn Malik quit. Rumours that his bandmates saw him as a Judas went wild after some eagle eyes fans noticed they’d unfollowed him on Instagram. Payne, Tomlinson, Horan and Styles have barely mentioned him since. Recently, however, they re-followed him, and Payne has teased that a One Direction reunion is on the cards.

So: might 2021 be the year of resurrection?

“I thought you were going to ask something juicier!” say Tomlinson witheringly. “Look, I f______ love One Direction. I'm sure we're going to come back together one day, and I'll be doing a couple of One Direction songs in my gig. I always do that, so that's not alluding to any reunion or anything. But, I mean, look, I'm sure one day we'll get back together, because, you know, we were f______ great.”

[hlupdate]

While many artists would jump at the chance to tell you how lockdown has been a fruitful opportunity for self-improvement, full of pseudo self-help books and pompous podcasts, former One Directioner Louis Tomlinson is adamant that he has done, well, nothing.

“I’ve just watched loads of s___ TV,” he says after a long pause. “The Undoing is decent, isn’t it?”

Twenty-eight--year-old Tomlinson from Doncaster was always the down-to-earth Directioner, frequently describing himself as fringe member who spent more time analysing the band’s contracts than singing solos, known for chain-smoking his way through several packs of cigarettes a day and swearing like a trooper. A rarity, these days, among millennials who’d rather suck on a stem of kale and tweet about their #blessings.

Far from aimless, however, today the singer is full of beans, cheerily shushing his barking dog as he potters about his North London home where he lives with his best friend from home, Oli, [...].

He's getting ready to rehearse an exciting one-off gig that will be live-streamed from a secret London location on December 12, announced today exclusively via the Telegraph. The proceeds of the night will be split across four charities: The Stagehand Covid-19 Crew Relief Fund and Crew Nation, Bluebell Wood Children’s Hospice and Marcus Rashford’s charity FareShare, to help end child poverty.

The gig means a great deal to Tomlinson, whose first ever tour as a solo artist, to promote his debut solo album WALLS, was cut short back in March after just two concerts in Spain and Mexico. It was an album he’d spent five years working on: a guitar-led project that ruptured with the preppy pop anthems of One Direction, inspired instead by Tomlinson’s love for Britpop.

No doubt he was anxious to get it right following a decade “grown in test tubes”, as Harry Styles once described the band’s formation on the X Factor, where they came third before going on to make a reported $280,000 a day as the most successful band in the world. The pressure, too, was intense: all four bandmates had already released their own solo debuts.

Was he left reeling, I ask, unable to perform at such a crucial moment?

“The thing that I always enjoyed the most about One Direction was playing the shows, so my master plan, when I realised I was going to do a solo career, was always my first tour. It’s something I’ve been looking forward to for the best part of five years now. I got so close, I got a taste for it, and it’s affected me like everyone else, but I’m forever an optimist,” he says down the phone, with what I can only imagine to be a rather phlegmatic shrug.

Sure, I say, but the last year can’t have been easy. Didn’t he feel like his purpose had popped?

“You know what,” he says, reflecting, “maybe because I’ve had real dark moments in my life, they’ve given me scope for optimism. In the grand scheme of things, of what I’ve experienced, these everyday problems...they don’t seem so bad.”

Tomlinson is referring to losing his 43-year-old mother, a midwife, to leukemia in 2016, and his 18-year-old sister Felicite, a model, to an accidental drug overdose in 2018. The double tragedy is something he has been open about on his own terms, dedicating his single, Two of Us, from WALLS, to his mother Johannah, while often checking in with fans who have lost members of their own family.

It’s not unusual for Tomlinson to ask his 34.9 million followers if they’re doing alright, receiving hundreds of thousands of personal replies. It’s not something he will discuss in interviews, however, after he slammed BBC Breakfast for shamelessly probing his trauma in February this year. “Never going back there again,” he tweeted after coming off the show.

“Social media is a ruthless, toxic place, so I don’t like to spend much time there,” says Tomlinson, “but because of experiencing such light and shade all while I was famous, I have a very deep connection with my fans. They’ve always been there for me.”

In return, Tomlinson is good to them. Last month he even promised some new music, saying that he’d written four songs in four days. Does this mean that a second album is on the way?

“Yeah, definitely,” he says. “I’m very, very excited. I had basically penciled down a plan before corona took over our lives. And now it's kind of given me a little bit of time to really get into what I want to say and what I want things to sound like. Because, you know, I was really proud of my first record, but there were moments that I felt were truer to me than others. I think that there were some songs where I took slightly more risk and owned what I love, saying, ‘This is who I want to be’. So I want to take a leaf out of their book.”

Fans might think he’s referring to writing more heartfelt autobiographical content such as Two of Us, but in fact, he’s referring specifically to rock-inspired Kill My Mind, he says, the first song on WALLS. “There’s a certain energy in that song, in its delivery, in its attitude, that I want to recreate. People are struggling at the moment, so I want to create a raucous, exciting atmosphere in my live show, not a somber, thoughtful one.”

He sighs, trying to articulate something that’s clearly been playing on his mind for a while. “You know, because of my story, my album was a little heavy at times and a little somber. And as I'm sure you're aware, from talking to me, now, that isn't who I am.”

It must be draining, I say, the weight of expectation in both the media and across his fanbase, to be a spokesperson for grief and hardship. To have tragedy prelude everything he does and says.

“Honestly, it’s part of being from Doncaster as well, I don’t like people feeling sorry for me. That’s the last thing I want.”

The problem is, says Tomlinson, he doesn’t have the best imagination. “I have interesting things to say musically, but what’s challenging from a writing perspective is that I write from the heart, and I can’t really get into someone else’s story. And right now, being stuck at home, you have so little experience to draw from. It’s actually quite hard to write these positive, uplifting songs, because actually, the experiences that you're going through on a day to day basis, you know, you they don't have that same flavour.”

There is something that’s helping, though: a secret spot near Los Angeles, [...] “It’s remote and kind of weird, and I’m going to go there for three days and write. I don’t know why I’m so drawn to it. I found it via a YouTube video. It’s got some very interesting locals who live there, it’s sort of backwards when it comes to technology. It feels like you’re going back in time when you’re there. But I don’t want to give it away.”

Another source of inspiration for his second album is the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ back catalogue. “I grew up on their album Bytheway. And during lockdown I've been knee deep in their stuff. I’ve watched every documentary, every video. And I find their lead guitarist John Frusciante just fascinating.”

Has he spoken to Frusicante?

“I f______ wish,” snorts Tomlinson.

Surely someone as well-known as Tomlinson could easily get in touch?

“No, honestly, I think he’s too cool for that. He’s not into that kind of thing.”

Tomlinson’s passion for all things rock is also spurring on a side hustle he picked up as a judge on the X Factor in 2018: managing an all-female rock band via his own imprint on Simon Cowell’s Syco label. While the group disbanded before releasing their first single, and Tomlinson split from Syco earlier this year, the singer is keen to nurture some more talent.

“I'm not gonna lie, my process with my imprint through Syco, it became challenging and it became frustrating at times,” Tomlinson says a little wearily. “The kind of artists that I was interested in developing – because I genuinely feel through my experience in One Direction, you know, one of the biggest f______ bands, I feel like I've learned a lot about the industry – they weren’t ready-made. So I had lots of artists that I took through the door that were rough and ready, but major labels want to see something that works straight away. I found that a little bit demotivating. I love her and she's an incredible artist, but not everyone is a Taylor Swift.”

Tomlinson spends much of his free time scouting new talent either on YouTube, Reddit or BBC Introducing – he’s currently a huge fan of indie Brighton band, Fickle Friends. His dream is to manage an all-female band playing instruments. “Because there's no one in that space. And I know eventually if I don't do it, someone else will!”

Before he drives off to rehearsals, we chatter about how much he's been practising his guitar playing, and how he can't wait to take the whole team working at his favourite grassroots venue, The Dome in Doncaster, out ice-skating after he performs there on his rescheduled tour. “Because I've got skills,” he says, and I can hear his chest puff.

And then I ask the question every retired member of One Direction has been batting off ever since they broke up in 2015, after Zayn Malik quit. Rumours that his bandmates saw him as a Judas went wild after some eagle eyes fans noticed they’d unfollowed him on Instagram. Payne, Tomlinson, Horan and Styles have barely mentioned him since. Recently, however, they re-followed him, and Payne has teased that a One Direction reunion is on the cards.

So: might 2021 be the year of resurrection?

“I thought you were going to ask something juicier!” say Tomlinson witheringly. “Look, I f______ love One Direction. I'm sure we're going to come back together one day, and I'll be doing a couple of One Direction songs in my gig. I always do that, so that's not alluding to any reunion or anything. But, I mean, look, I'm sure one day we'll get back together, because, you know, we were f______ great.”

[dfnews]

“I Pray You Put This Journal Away” Podcast about the Duggar Family.

This podcast https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvN3-Dl5i78&t=270s on YouTube was posted in my group yesterday and it totally blew me away. The host was a friend of the Duggars back in 2004-2006 when the molestation scandals were blowing up the Duggar family and their church. I didn't learn a lot of new information here but what was a lot of strewn about pieces of a puzzle are completely put together in these podcasts. The host, Justin, puts it all together for us in a very articulate sensitive style. I appreciate his reaching out and explaining not only what went on in the Duggar home and in their church but the entire mindset of the fundamental Christians he grew up around and their damaging beliefs. There are three podcasts so far. The first one is two hours long but that flies by due to the wonderful presentation from Justin and his wife, Julia. I've only gotten halfway through the second and haven't touched the third one yet. I will recap them over the weekend. First 30 Minutes: Introduction to Justin, his journal and past beliefs.

 30 Minute Mark: Justin starts talking about Josh working on the Jim Holt campaign. Holt was running for the US senate at the time. Josh had a big role in that campaign. Also about meeting the Duggars for the first time. 39 Minute Mark: First visit to the Duggars' home. He talks about the tiny home the Duggars lived with 15 kids at the time. That it was messy and smelled bad. How the little Duggar boys were wild and desperately wanted attention from Justin and his brothers. How the older Duggar boys built their own computers from parts Jim Bob got at auction. But Josh had an amazing new computer of his own. He had a state of the art Mac. Justin believes Jim Bob was investing in Josh's video interests. He should have invested in college instead. Justin's dad asks Josh about his computer, "What kinda filter you got on that thing?" and Josh did a visible gulp. Apparently Jim Bob didn't know about filters at that time that keep the naughty stuff out and Josh was having fun exploring. Justin mentions Josh as being very computer savvy.  

51 Minute Mark: Josh working for Jim Holt and his betrothal. He says Josh and his girl weren't romantic and didn't seem to be all that into each other. It was an arranged betrothal between dads Jim Bob and Jim Holt. The conversation turns towards racism in fundamentalism which kind of explains these people's love for Trump and his white supremacist supporters.

 1 Hour 1 Minute Mark: Justin talks about his crush on Jana Duggar. In his journal he writes that she is younger and shorter than him which were important factors for an up and coming patriarch. His monologue talking about his Jana crush is hilarious. Justin and Julia talk about how sexualized their environment was including the babies.

 1 Hour 28 Minutes: Josh and his teenage porn habit. Jim Holt loses his campaign that Josh was working on and seeks a reason for his failure and decides to take it out on Josh who was caught viewing porn. It's the old "sin in the camp" copout. Sounds like Holt. He can't deal with his failures and reality so has to blame others. Justin believes one of the Duggar kids caught Joshy looking at porn and told Michelle. Josh was brought in front of the church. The church decided to send Josh to stay with a guy who may also have had a porn issue at one time to dig a pond. Josh lived in a shack, never saw anyone, had his meals dropped off, and worked all day. This was when Josh had his head shaved as shown in the moving special. He left the pond to appear in the episode and then was sent back. Josh spent weeks shunned in the woods all by himself. Every Sunday they would give a report on Josh in the church and the Duggar girls and Michelle would bawl. Justin didn't know at the time about Josh's history of molesting his sisters which was probably why Josh got such a harsh punishment. At the same time this was happening, TLC was at the Duggars filming a special about Johannah's birth. Justin says Josh's demeanor coming back from the pond digging was weird and shameless. Josh seemed unphased about his punishment. Justin talks about the TLC crew most likely knowing something weird was going on with Josh and the Duggars but ignoring it. 

1 Hour 47 Mark: Justin talks about how men would confess their sins in church in a very weird and dark way. Most of the sins were about anger (domestic abuse) and lust and the other men would bless the sinner with canola oil. Sounds kinky. He talks about the men blaming their sins on Satan attacking them because they are important and worthy of attack. Quite a head trip. Justin talks about the tools the church members used to beat the children and how they bragged about what works best. He also talks about Anna Keller's dad visiting the church and preaching weird shit about Satan being the wizard in the Wizard of Oz. Jeez! I'm glad I was raised a boring Catholic. 

I truly hope the Duggar kids listen to this podcast and begin to see the insanity they were raised in and get themselves a good ole board certified secular therapist. You can't go through what they did and not have some damaging residual effects. End of podcast one. The second one takes place the day after Josh was released from jail and Justin is really disturbed by the details or the charges against Josh as we all were. 

[elledritchorror]

I can have little a self-indulgence,,, as a treat

Some cute lil season 1 stuff ft. Jon and Georgie still being good buds, Martin getting to meet Georgie, and Jon being just a little chill (the influence of good company methinks)

Martin really was trying to be careful about moving the boxes. The problem was, he didn’t realise there was a whole other ceiling-high stack of them all set up haphazardly behind the first, so when the first came toppling down from the extra weight of a hidden box behind, he dove for the first clear space. Which was into the wall of boxes, not out of. The sound was cacophonous and Martin almost couldn’t believe it could be so loud, then one of the final boxes fell by his foot and spilled open, showing not just paper statements, but a heavy metal case that popped open to reveal about a dozen tapes. Great.

He tried to push some of the boxes aside but it became apparent very quickly that Martin’s little safe hole within the stacks of tumbled cardboard and steel was rickety, and could very well all come down on top of him. Which meant he needed help. Which meant he had to call someone with the key to the archives.

Which meant he had to call Jon.

Luckily enough his phone was still in his pocket and not left on the desk somewhere. Lucky again, Jon answered on the third ring.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Jon. It’s uhh, it’s Martin.”

“Yes I can see that, Martin. Why are you calling?”

“Well you see I uhh. Well. I need a bit of help?”

“Why? Are there worms? Martin are you safe?”

It was probably a deeply inappropriate time for Martin’s inside to melt into jelly but the clear concern in Jon’s voice - concern for Martin - well, it did things to him.

“I’m fine for the moment but I’ve made a mess of some of the boxes here.”

“And that requires my help because?”

“Because there are way more than I thought and they’ve all fallen around me and if I try to do anything then they might fall even more.”

“All around yo- how did you manag- Martin are you in the far back room in document storage?”

“Yep.”

“The one with the rows of boxes against the wall?”

“Didn’t realise it was more than one row until it all came down on me.”

“Christ, alright I’ll be there as soon as I can. Do not move, there are sealed cases in there and they’ll do some damage if they fall on you.”

“Yeah, I uhh, had a near miss. Trust me I am not going anywhere.”

“Alright, I’ll be there in about ten minutes.”

“Thanks, Jon.”

The phone beeped but Martin didn’t worry too much about Jon’s ire. A few weeks ago he would have been in a panic but after the issue with Prentiss and Jon’s immediate belief - not to mention finding a way to keep him safe - well, he knew that any upset would be temporary. Still, that left him twiddling his thumbs in an enclosed space for a while.

It seemed to take both more and less time than he expected but eventually Martin heard the heavy doors to the Archives creak and then thud. He sagged in relief, then realised he almost moved too far and stayed very, very still.

“Martin?”

The voice that called was not Jon’s. It was higher pitched, and much more mellow.

“Uh, hello?”

“Hey! I’m Georgie. Jon went to get the dolly to help cart some of this out of your way. Don’t know if it’ll help but we’ll need it eventually. I came to let you know we’re here.”

Georgie had a nice voice, Martin decided. She was cheerful and comforting, and Martin still had no idea why she was here.

“Oh, uh, t-thank you!”

“No probs. I can hear Jon now, give us just a second and we’ll get you out of there.”

Jon did arrive then, the squeaking of the ancient dolly cart wheels more than made up for his naturally soft step.

“Martin, stay still. We’re going to try to shift some of this now,” Jon called and Martin gave him the affirmative and did as instructed.

It took a little bit of jiggling and shifting, but finally Jon and Georgie seemed to have a plan of attack. Martin could tell that they knew each other well, and were clearly very comfortable around each other. Was Georgie his girlfriend? Surely Jon would have mentioned her at some point if she was, but then, he was a very private person. Finally, Martin’s musings were interrupted by more instructions.

“Alright Martin, this part that’s sitting over you is in some kind of arc, we’re going to have to let it topple so when we pull, you come straight out, got it?”

“Got it!” Martin called and tensed, ready.

“Alrighty then Martin,” Georgie called. “On three. One, two-“

On the three, Martin dashed out of the crack that Jon created just in time to hear the crash of cardboard, paper, and multiple metal cases all falling into one another. It almost didn’t register compared to the sight he was greeted with.

There they were: Jon and Georgie. Georgie had a grin just as sweet and fun as she sounded, her dark skin and wild, curly hair seemed to fit her personality perfectly. She wore a band t-shirt and casual jeans and really, she just looked like the kind of person anyone would want to be friends with. Jon, on the other hand. Well, Martin was used to Jon appearing at work in collared shirts and neat jumpers, maybe a cardigan and a tie. He looked nothing like that today.

Jon wore tight jeans that Martin noted had a handful of strategically cut holes in them, the frayed edges flicked out softly in a way that looked artfully dishevelled. Over the ankles of the jeans were dark leather boots with silver-buckled straps. He also had a band t-shirt of some kind, but it was cropped just enough that Martin could see a tiny sliver of deep olive skin over the tied up sleeves of the flannel that he wore around his waist. He looked good. He didn’t look like the Jon that Martin had come to expect though.

“Are you alright, Martin? You look a bit flustered. mate.” Georgie laughed when he startled, but it wasn’t mean. She seemed like the living embodiment of good-natured and already Martin wanted to know everything about how she knew Jon and how they were so obviously very comfortable in each other’s space.

“Oh! Yeah, yeah I’m fine, thank you. I uh, I really appreciate it. Sorry I didn’t realise Jon was out with anyone when I called I hope I wasn’t uh… interrupting anything?” Martin trailed off in an awkward question at the end but damn it, he was really curious. Possibly also a little nervous about the answer. Possibly also a little jealous. Or a lot jealous.

Georgie laughed again, loud and bright. “Nah, mate, not for years now. Just going to lunch.”

Oh okay. They weren’t dating. That was… fine. There was no reason for Martin to have an opinion on it and he certainly wasn’t relieved. He also was not remotely interested in how Jonathan “wouldn’t know an overture of friendship if it slapped him in the face” Sims managed to stay close with his ex. Except all of that was a lie.

“Oh! Well, I’m sorry for interrupting lunch plans,” Martin said, but she waved him off.

“No problem, Martin, seriously. I’d much rather come down here now than find out later we left you at Tim’s mercy. Or worse, Elias.”

Martin shuddered at the thought of Elias finding him trapped under a pile of boxes. He always seemed perfectly pleasant when you spoke to him, but the moment he left it was like everything he’d said left an awful taste in the mouth despite being objectively kind. And that was the least of Martin’s worries if Elias found him, the most of them being discovered for an incompetent and fired.

“There’s no reason to bother anyone else with it, anyway. We were close by, it’s easy enough to come get you,” Jon said and that… was the opposite of Elias, actually. Seemingly brusque but with an underlying kindness.

“Speaking of coming to get you, do you want to come get lunch with us? I know there’s a whole situation on and I reckon you could do with an afternoon out of this place.” Georgie grinned at him and despite being invited explicitly because of the Prentiss thing, Martin didn’t feel like a burden or an unwanted tagalong. Not to Georgie at least.

“Oh, well, uh, I w-wouldn’t want to uh, to impose. I’m sure y-you and Jon uh-“ Martin cut off when Georgie stuck an elbow into Jon’s ribs. Jon, who pinched her quickly on return but still… smiled, just a little.

“You’re not imposing, Martin. She wouldn’t have invited you if it were a problem.”

Martin felt quite certain that he was going to melt into the floor at any second. Georgie came to his rescue.

“Come on, my treat! I got a new ad deal with my podcast so I’m swimming in it for the next… I don’t know, about four days,” she laughed.

Before Martin could even try to stammer out a response she took him by the arm and pulled him in step with her. Jon fell in on Martin’s other side and they made their way out of the archives to the tune of Georgie’s gentle teasing. He looked thoroughly out of place between these two in his pastel blue cardigan and worn slacks, but he didn’t feel like he didn’t belong. So rather than dwell on his nerves, or the worms, or Jon’s arm so close it could brush against his own on every other step, Martin let Georgie lead him and Jon through easy conversation all the way to the car.

[crowdvscritic]

round up // NOVEMBER 20

Hi, I’m tired. Actually, my friend Celeste created a piece of art that puts the emphasis needed on that sentiment:

I’m very tired. November felt like it was three years and also felt like it went by in a blink and also I’m not sure where October ended and November began—how does time work like that? (I’ve yet to see Tenet, but maybe that will explain it.) But like Michael Scott, somehow I manage, and lately it’s been like this:

Late-night Etsy scrolling. Browsing beautiful, non-big-box-store artwork is very calming just before I go to bed. I���d recommend Etsy stores like Celeste’s chr paperie shop, which I know from experience is full of great Christmas gift ideas. 

Taking a day off of work to do laundry. I’m not sure if it’s more #adulting that I did that or that I was excited to do that.

Eating Ghiradelli chocolate chips straight from the bag. I actually don’t recommend this as a healthy option, but this is also not a health blog.

Watching lots and lots of ‘80s movies. One day I’ll ask a therapist why this decade of films is so comforting for me despite its many flaws, but for now I’m just rolling with it.

Reading. Have you heard of this? It’s a form of entertainment but doesn’t require screens—wild!

Memes. All good Pippin “Fool of a” Took jokes are welcome here.

Leaning into the Christmas spirit by ordering that Starbucks peppermint mocha, making plans to watch everything in that TCM Christmas book I haven’t seen, and keeping the lights on my hot pink tinsel tree on all day as I work from home.

This month’s Round Up is full of stuff that made me smile and stuff that sucked me into its world—I think they’ll do the same for you, too.

November Crowd-Pleasers

Sister Act (1992)

If in four years you aren’t in an emotional state to watch election results roll in, I recommend watching Whoopi Goldberg pretend to be a nun for 100 minutes. (Though, incidentally, if you want to watch that clip edited to specifically depict how the results came in this year, you’ll need to watch Sister Act 2.) This musical-comedy is about as feel-good as it gets, meaning there’s no reason you should wait four more years to watch it. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 7.5/10

Nevada Memes

Speaking of election results, Nevada memes. That’s it—that’s the tweet. Vulture has a round up of some of the best.

SNL Round Up

Laugh and enjoy!

“Cinema Classics: The Birds” (4605 with John Mulaney)

“Uncle Ben” (4606 with Dave Chappelle)

RoboCop (1987)

I’m not surprised I liked RoboCop, but I am surprised at why I liked RoboCop. Not only is this a boss action blockbuster, it’s an investigation into consumerism and the commodification of the human body. It’s also a critique of institutions that treat crime like statistics instead of actions done by people that impact people. That said, it’s also movie about a guy who’s fused with a robot and melts another guy’s face off with toxic sludge, so there’s a reason I’m not listing this under the Critic section. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8/10

Double Feature – ‘80s Comedies: National Lampoon’s Vacation (1983) + Major League (1989)

The ‘80s-palooza is in full swing! In Vacation (Crowd: 9.5/10 // Critic: 8/10), Chevy Chase just wants to spend time with his family on a vacation to Wally World, but wouldn’t you know it, Murphy’s Law kicks into gear as soon as the Griswold family shifts from out of Park. The brilliance of the movie is that every one of these terrible things is plausible, but the Griswolds create the biggest problems themselves. In Major League (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 6.5/10), Tom Berenger, Charlie Sheen, and Wesley Snipes are Cleveland’s last hope for a winning baseball team. Like the Griswolds, mishaps and hijinks ensue in their attempt to prevent their greedy owner from moving the Indians to Miami, but the real win is this movie totally gets baseball fans. Like most ‘80s movies, not everything in this pair has aged well, but they brought some laughs when I needed them most.

This Time Next Year by Sophie Cousens (2020)

They’re born a minute apart in the same hospital, but they don’t meet until their 30th birthday on New Year’s Day. So, yes, it’s a little bit Serendipity, and it’s a little bit sappy, but those are both marks in this book’s favor. This Time Next Year is a time-hopping rom-com with lots of almost-meet-cutes that will have you laughing, believing in romantic twists of fate, and finding hope for the new year.

Double Feature – ‘80s Angsty Teens: Teen Wolf (1985) + Uncle Buck (1989)

In the ‘80s, Hollywood finally understood the angsty teen, and this pair of comedies isn’t interested in the melodrama earlier movies like Rebel Without a Cause were depicting. (I’d recommend Rebel, but not if you want to look back on your teen years with any sense of humor.) In Teen Wolf (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 5/10), Michael J. Fox discovers he’s a werewolf.one that looks more like the kid in Jumanji than any other portrayal of a werewolf you’ve seen. It’s a plot so ‘80s and so bizarre you won’t believe this movie was greenlit.

In Uncle Buck (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7.5/10), John Candy is attempting to connect with the nieces and nephew he hasn’t seen in years, including one moody high schooler. (Plus, baby Gaby Hoffman and pre-Home Alone Macauley Culkin!) This is my second pick from one of my all-time fave filmmakers, John Hughes (along with National Lampoon’s Vacation, above), and it’s one more entry that balances heart and humor in a way only he could do. You can see where I rank this movie in Hughes’s pantheon on Letterboxd.

Lord of the Rings memes

This month on SO IT’S A SHOW?, Kyla and I revisited The Lord of the Rings, a trilogy we love almost as much as we love Gilmore Girls. You can listen to our episode about the series on your fave podcast app, and you can laugh through hundreds of memes like I did for “research” on Twitter.

Nothing to See Here by Kevin Wilson (2019)

Most adults are afraid of children’s temper tantrums, but can you imagine how terrified you’d be if they caught on fire in their fits of rage? That’s the premise of this novel, which begins when an aimless twentysomething becomes the nanny of a Tennessee politician’s twins who burst into flames when they get emotional. The book is filled with laugh-out-loud moments but never leaves behind the human emotion you need to make a magical realistic story.

An Officer and a Gentlemen (1982)

Speaking of aimless twentysomethings and emotion, feel free to laugh, cry, and swoon through this melodrama in the ‘80s canon. Richard Gere meanders his way into the Navy when he has nowhere else to go, and he tries to survive basic training, work through his family issues, and figure out his future as he also falls in love with Debra Winger. So, yeah, it’s a schamltzier version of Top Gun, but it’s schmaltz at its finest. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7.5/10

November Critic Picks

Double Feature – ‘40s Amensia Romances: Random Harvest (1942) + The Ghost and Mrs. Muir (1947)

Speaking of schmaltz at its finest, let me share a few more titles fitting that description. In Random Harvest (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10), Greer Garson falls in love with a veteran who can’t remember his life before he left for war. In The Ghost and Mrs. Muir (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 8.5/10), Gene Tierney discovers a ghost played by a crotchety Rex Harrison in her new home. Mild spoiler: Both feature amnesiac plot developments, and while amnesia has become a cliché in the long history of romance films, Harvest is moving enough and Mr. Muir is charming enough that you won’t roll your eyes. You can see these and more romances complicated by forced forgetfulness in this Letterboxd round up.

The African Queen (1951)

It’s Humphrey Bogart and Katharine Hepburn directed by John Huston—I mean, I don’t feel like I need to explain why this is a winner. Bogart (in his Oscar-winning role) and Hepburn star in a two-hander script, dominating the screen time except for a select few scenes with supporting cast. The pair fight for survival while cruising on a small boat called The African Queen during World War I (in Africa, natch), and the two make this small story feel grand and epic. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9/10

Kind Hearts and Coronets (1949)

A young man’s (Dennis Price) mother is disowned from their wealthy family because she marries for love. After her death, he seeks vengeance by killing all of the family members ahead of him in line to be the Duke D'Ascoyne. The twist? All of his victims are played by Sir Alec Guinness! Almost every character in this black comedy is a terrible person, so you won’t be too sorry to see them go—you can just enjoy the creative “accidents” he stages and stay in suspense on whether our “hero” gets his comeuppance. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

Bluebeard’s Eighth Wife (1937)

What would you do if you found out you were to be someone’s eighth wife? Well, it’s probably not what Claudette Colbert does in this screwball comedy that reminds me a bit of Love Crazy. This isn’t the first time I’ve recommended Colbert, Gary Cooper, or Ernst Lubitsch films, so it’s no surprise these stars and this director can make magic together in this hilarious battle of the wills. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

The Red Shoes (1948)

I love stories about the competition between your life and your art, and The Red Shoes makes that competition literal. Moira Shearer plays a ballerina who feels life is meaningless without dancing—then she falls in love. That’s an oversimplification of a rich character study and some of the most beautiful ballet on film, but I can’t do it justice in a short paragraph. Just watch (perhaps while you’re putting up your hot pink tinsel tree?) and soak in all the goodness. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 10/10

The Third Man (1949)

Everybody loves to talk about Citizen Kane, and with the release of Mank on Netflix, it’s newsworthy again. But don’t miss this other ‘40s team up of Joseph Cotten and Orson Welles. Cotten is a writer digging for the truth of his friend’s (Welles) death in a mysterious car accident. Eyewitness accounts differ on what happened, and who was the third man at the scene only one witness remembers? 71 years later, this movie is still tense, and this actor pairing is still electric. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9/10

The Untouchables (1987)

At the end of October, we lost Sean Connery. I looked back on his career first by writing a remembrance for ZekeFilm and then by watching The Untouchables. (In a perfect world I would’ve reversed that order, but c’est la vie.) In my last selection from the ‘80s, Connery and Kevin Costner attempt to convict Robert De Niro’s Al Capone of anything that will stick and end his reign of crime in Chicago. Directed by Brian De Palma and set to an Ennio Morricone soundtrack, this film is both an exciting action flick and an artistic achievement that we literally discussed in one of my college film classes. Connery won his Oscar, and K. Cos is giving one of the best of his career, too. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 9.5/10

Remember the Night (1940)

Fred MacMurray and Barbara Stanwyck in my favorite team up yet! Double Indemnity may be the bona fide classic in the canon, but this Christmas story—with MacMurray as a district attorney prosecuting shoplifter Stanwyck— is a charmer. I’ve added it to my list of must-watch Christmas movies—watch for some holiday cheer and rom-com feels. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

Photo credits: chr paperie. Books my own. All others IMDb.com.