#it's so ugly of them to put credits over this scene
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summary: in which leaving the past behind is not as easy as forgetting, and you want to be everything jungkook wants to know.
idol!jungkook x f!reader, est. relationship / angst, fluff / wc: 7.9k
playlist: strange by celeste / sinking by clairo / manta rays by chloe moriondo / ceilings by beabadoobee / iris (cover) by phoebe bridgers & maggie rogers
content/warnings: [deep breath] no one will know the violence it took to become this gentle / it’s their first winter as a couple / oc’s ex bf slaps oc / jk beats up the ex / blood and bruises / crying :( / mention of cheating (not in our main’s rs we don’t tolerate that in this household :]) / mention of s*x / jimin as both their older brother and friend :(
in which masterlist!
note: greeting 2024 with angst woopsie… i literally ugly sobbed writing a particular scene T_T… anwww i hope it’s a good read <3 as always reblogs and feedback are appreciated! i’d love to hear your thoughtsss 🥺
—
the word VICTORY flashes across the screen.
with a proud smirk adorning his lips, jungkook pushes down his headphones to hang around his neck.
he rises from his seat, resting his crossed arms over the partition dividing the computer that you’re renting from his.
“hi, baby. are you almost done?”
he chuckles to himself when he realizes that you didn’t hear him, not with the music blasting from your headphones. you direct your attention upwards when endless song by no reply is abruptly put on pause; the cushions of the headphones are pressed up against your cheek by your boyfriend’s doing.
“what?”
“hi, baby. are you almost done?”
“oh, yes…” your focus returns to the screen, fast fingers dancing along the keyboard without an ounce of hesitation weighing on them. “i just… need to… send the file to my email.”
jungkook blinks at the long rows of words you’re masterfully curating, thinking to himself — how the hell do you think and type that fast at the same time?
it was his suggestion to stay at a pc bang tonight so you could be together while you each do your own thing. he spent his half of his day-off playing games, and during that time, you worked on your research paper and finished an essay that isn’t even due for another week. you took a break every hour, munched on some snacks, and cheered him on while he was diligently playing. perhaps he could’ve done something more productive today, but it couldn’t have made him happier.
he holds out the last slice of gimbap in between chopsticks, lightly poking your lips, and his heart flutters when you offer him a sweet smile after welcoming the big bite with some difficulty, cheeks full and nose scrunched.
“is there anything else you want to eat?”
you shake your head, and unable to speak while chewing, you gesture for water as if you’re playing charades.
a kiss is granted to your forehead.
when he comes back with a bottled water, all your tabs have been closed and you’re wearing your white beret again, re-organizing your belongings in your backpack.
“ready to leave?” he inquires as he hands your order.
you hum as a reply, standing from your seat as you swing the backpack over your head to wear it with little to no effort.
jungkook thinks you’re so cool.
you visit the restroom as he settles the bill. when you come out, he’s already pulling out a credit card from his wallet. you decide to head straight for the door then, wait for him outside as the air inside the room has started to feel a little too stuffy after you stepped away from the computer.
you’ve always thought about it— how time stands still when you experience something traumatic, how that moment feels stretched for eternity… how utterly barbaric that is. you’re forced to memorize frames of the origin of your scars, relive it over and over again, eyes closed and open. moments of happiness, on the other hand, are fleeting. they are sand slipping through the gaps of your fingers. getting out of bed is scooping them in your hands and praying that they will hold on to you in the following rotations and revolutions of the earth. they never do.
there he stood at the bottom of the stairs, just as horrified as you.
his face is the last thing you want to see on a winter night.
because you still recall the amalgamation of emotions in his eyes two winters ago. his skin was flushed from the cold, but he turned redder with anger and your stomach coiled in shame.
“juwon?”
the name felt odd in your mouth. it’s like when you eat a food you haven’t had in a long time, and it doesn’t quite taste like you remember it.
and to be honest, you didn’t know what you expected to happen when he carried on to climb the remaining steps that led to you. but it definitely wasn’t… this.
the first hand to carress your bare body, as if it was in disbelief of its existence, and the rings you used to blindly adore— they collide with your cheek with a sound that resonates in your eardrums.
the slap thins out into a ringing noise.
“are you insane?!”
it continues to assault your hearing even as you scream and hit him back.
it ends when someone bumps against your shoulder in a haste, and the next thing you register is juwon lying on the ground with jungkook sitting on top him, balled fist throwing unforgiving punches at your ex-boyfriend’s face. juwon is held hostage by the shock and is unable to reciprocate jungkook’s aggression. he attempts to fight back but your boyfriend dodges easily.
“jungkook! stop, stop, stop!”
you run down the stairs with panic thundering in your chest, nearly in tears as you forcefully grasp at the back of jungkook’s coat to pull him away, but with his strength and the adrenaline flowing through his veins, your efforts prove to be fruitless.
“you fucking bastard! i’m gonna kill you!”
“that’s enough-” you cry out. “please!”
“how dare you lay a hand on my girlfriend like that, huh?!”
he is furious, gripping the collar of juwon’s sweater and slamming him to the ground.
“your girl?” coughing, juwon faces the side to spit out the blood in his mouth, which then shapes into an arrogant smirk. “didn’t you know? ____ was mine first. i was the first!”
the next punch he receives cuts his lower lip open, and a stronger metallic taste assaults his tongue.
“jungkook!”
before jungkook could inflinct more permanent damage, you resort to holding back his arm with both of your hands.
your gazes connect, and your heart drops to your stomach. he is seething with anger. your blood runs cold and a thick haze clouds your thinking. you can’t move your limbs. what do you do? what do you do? what do you do?
“____, let go. i’m not fucking finished with him.”
“please,” you beg, ignorant of the tears that have begun to slide down your cheeks. “that’s enough. look at him!”
“and why should i care?” he spits out as he shrugs you off.
“ah, jungkook! i said that’s enough! why won’t you listen to me?!”
your desperate tantrum falls on deaf ears. you squeeze your eyes shut when he re-assumes his stance, tucks his thumb over his folded fingers, exactly what he taught you about making a proper fist to avoid injuring one’s self when boxing.
“stop it! you’re scaring me!”
that throws a bucket of ice over jungkook’s head. the anger in his eyes is replaced by vacancy, and with that, juwon seizes the opportunity to finally strike him with a jab and escape from underneath him. jungkook finds himself pushed aside on the ground with a throbbing cheek, mostly likely to be noticeably bruised in the next hours.
“love-” you gasp, and you rush over to him but your path gets rudely obstructed by your ex.
“is this the guy you cheated on me with?”
he is extremely near that you can feel him panting on your face. two years later, your stomach coils in disgust. your glare is venomous, and if only looks could kill, if only looks could kill…
“just leave, won’t you? what’s the point of all this?” you roughly push him away with your remaining shred of energy, driven by exhaustion and frustration. “it was so long ago! get a fucking grip!”
he huffs in disbelief as he wipes the blood from the corner of his mouth. it also drips from his nose and eyebrow. strange enough, you do not feel guilt nor compassion for this man. not anymore.
“are you seriously crying just because he got punched one time…? isn’t that a little unfair? you loved me too. once.” he snickers, but he is visibly pissed off. he can no longer look at you in the eye. “shit, is he that much of a better fuck than me?”
your skin crawls. bile creeps up your throat. technically speaking, this is the consequence of your own actions, but you can’t help but to be resentful.
“you are…” your voice trembles, but your glare remains unwavering. “still as despicable and shallow as ever… and i don’t regret what i did.”
and it may have been a long time ago, but you still know how to hit him where it hurts the most— his ego.
you purposely bump against his shoulder as you make your way to jungkook, leaving him speechless as he stares at the ground. the night the two of you broke up, you were crying and begging him for forgiveness… what the fuck happened?
“let’s go home.” you demand quietly while refusing to meet jungkook’s stare— a mix of confusion, offense, and rage.
but the thing about juwon? he always needs to have the last word.
“you better keep a close eye. you might think you know ____, but whores never change. especially those who became one so young.”
“dude, how are you still speaking?!”
it’s too late when you realize that jungkook has left your side. he swings at juwon’s face with a force that sends the man stumbling backwards. he completely loses balance then collapses on the ground with a curse that almost misses your ears.
“don’t ever go near ____ again! don’t even think of it! if you show your face to me again, i might really end up fucking killing you. you hear me?!”
—
jungkook doesn’t recall a time when he felt a rage this intense and consuming. witnessing you get slapped, his vision went dark and he was shaking with fury. everything was a blur after that, but he knew one thing: this man violated the most precious person to him, and he won’t allow him to get away with that unscathed.
and that must be why he feels restless until now. neither one of you has dared to utter a word for the past couple of minutes. he can’t see your face as you’re walking ahead of him, leading the way with his wrist in your cold hand. however, he can hear your sniffles, and he can see you wiping your tears dry with the back of your hand. he thought he has experienced heartbreak, but this pain cuts deeper than anything he has ever felt.
“baby, let’s go back.”
he breaks the silence, standing infront of you to stop you on your tracks. he almost reeks of desperation as he intertwines your fingers together.
“please? there should be a cctv camera infront. we can sue him.”
“are you even hearing yourself? you’ll also get into trouble!”
his insistence only fuels the urge to cry and scream and break things. it’s an understatement to say that you’re ashamed. it was foolish of you, really, to assume that leaving the past behind would be as easy as forgetting. it may be out of sight but it is everywhere, and it sneaks up on you without tell and mercy.
“you attacked him out of nowhere! he can sue you for that too!”
“out of nowhere?” he repeats your words slowly, hurt flashing across his face. “i was protecting you, ____! who knows what else he could’ve done? and the shit he was talking about you? was i just supposed to stand there and do nothing?”
“and i’m protecting you too! why did you even have to punch him again?! he was obviously just trying to provoke you! god, i-” you release the air in your lungs you didn’t realize you’ve been holding. “thank god he didn’t see your face.”
that struck a nerve for some reason. he harshly rips off the mask that has been concealing half of his face all along.
“he hit you! look- fuck, you’re bleeding-”
oh, his rings must’ve grazed you.
jungkook brings out a clean white handkerchief from the backpocket of his pants, pressing it softly against your cheek. the sharp sting forces you to grit your teeth. it’s not only the wound… your skin is still warm and tender from the assault. you’re terrified to look at the mirror. you don’t want to feel sorry for yourself.
“and that’s what you’re really worried about right now?”
“okay, then i’m sorry for caring about my boyfriend and his career! i’m sorry, okay?!“
he dies a little inside when you harshly push his hand aside.
so this is what it feels like to be at the other end of your anger… shitty. it feels really shitty. after what happened, there is no sadness or fear. the twinkle in your eyes have been replaced with sharp daggers and it is gutwrenching to watch. it clicks for him then: you weren’t scared of him. you were scared for him.
he doesn’t allow you to go further than ten feet away. he seizes your arm before sneaking his hand on your waist to tug you closer to his body.
“you think i’m letting you out of my sight again? it’s not happening!”
you click your tongue in exasperation, left with no choice but to admit defeat as he hails the approaching taxi. you cover your face to hide from the blinding headlights.
ever the gentleman, jungkook opens the door for you.
“get in, ____.”
and the first thought that enters your mind: the air freshener is nauseating. it has to be something mixed with lemon.
you roll the window down as your boyfriend dictates the address of your destination to the taxi driver. not yours, but his. you send him an unimpressed scowl, but he only looks back at you challengingly under the warm dim light. the soft cloth is placed over your wound again, rudely snatched as you turn away from him. you hold it on your own as you watch the world outside the window, streetlamps with blurry light streaks and homes you will never set foot into. in the midst of your musing, you register the weight on your head, or its lack thereof. your beret landed on the ground in the aftermath of the first strike. what is there left to lose?
you thought you could be happy at last, but beside you is another soul you’ve stained with your bloody hands.
juwon was right, you never change.
—
“i still don’t think it’s right that i know the password.” you whisper as you push the door open.
“but i have a key to your house. what’s the difference?”
“i don’t know…” you begin removing your boots, carefully placing each one in the middle level of the shoe rack. “you live with six other people.”
“namjoon-hyung and yoongi-hyung are in their studios. the others went home.”
you enter the living room with jungkook hugging you from behind. his cheek rests on top of your shoulder, and he doesn’t want to let you go. the ride here was suffocating. he thought you wouldn’t talk to him for the rest of the night anymore.
you blink at jimin who is sprawled out on the sofa, a gray blanket that matches his sweatpants is covering his naked torso.
“why does he sleep here? doesn’t he have a bed?”
“the sofa is more comfortable.” he mumbles loud enough for you to hear as he opens his eyes halfway, but then he gives up and closes them again, curling in on himself to resume his slumber.
“okay… now i know what to get you for your birthday.”
for a brief second jungkook assumes that you’re joking, but you sounded way too nonchalant.
“a sofa?”
“a new mattress,” you blankly stare back at him, before proceeding to break free from his embrace to search for the bathroom.
he follows you like a lost puppy, whining. “why does he already have a birthday gift and i don’t?!”
“quiet!”
he winces. “sorry, hyung!”
—
you’re perched in the space between jungkook’s thighs, legs swung over one of them as he tenderly presses a cold compress against your left cheek. you’ve changed into the pair of pink cooky pajamas he wore a few times and has kept in his closet specially for you. sinking into his mattress, drowsiness has also begun to seep into the depths of your bones. it’s been an arduous week, and you’re exhausted of fighting in every sense of the word.
“he deserves more than what he got away with.” he mutters through gritted teeth.
“jungkook, enough.” you chide at him with a sigh. “let’s just forget about this.”
“your face is going to be bruised for atleast a week! how am i supposed to ‘just forget’? are you hearing yourself?”
your rhetoric question from earlier comes back to gnaw at your thread-like sanity. you feel backed into a corner. you can’t think of a solution that will put this issue at rest, much less make either one of you feel better.
“he’s not worth it.”
“you are to me.” he declares.
it’s impossible to argue with that. you want it to stay true. you want him to keep believing in you.
“i’m tired.” you whisper, removing yourself from his lap. “let’s go to sleep.”
he gazes at you with longing.
you are lying on his bed but you have never felt so far away.
“are we really not going to talk about this?”
“not now. i’m tired, jungkook.”
“baby…”
“juwon is a terrible person, but i had it coming…” you mumble. “that’s all there is to it.”
foreboding silence falls upon the bedroom. you can’t bring yourself to look at jungkook, so you close your eyes and pray that when the sun rises, this night will simply turn out to be a nightmare orchestrated by your wicked mind.
“whatever that is, it doesn’t warrant what he did.” he plants a gentle kiss on your forehead, and it takes everything in you not to fall apart into a thousand shards. “and i’m sorry that i couldn’t stop it from happening.”
—
jungkook returns after his shower, not yet done with drying his dripping hair with a towel. you’ve drifted off to sleep in the time that he was gone, lips slightly parted open as you breathe out puffs of air in a steady rhythm. your hair is a halo and you’re an angel snoozing on a cloud.
he heard it loud and clear, and you haven’t denied it either, but there’s not a part of him that believes it. is he blindly in love with you? is this what he was warning him about? are you not an angel, but a siren?
wary of waking you up, he attaches a bandaid to your cheek. he flicks the lightswitch but he turns on the night lamp so you won’t have to manuever the dark incase you wake up in the middle of the night in need of the bathroom.
shit, shit, shit. he curses in his head when you begin shuffling as soon as he settles himself on the bed, but it’s just you unknowingly seeking for warmth in your sleep. he gathers you in his arms and your pillow is abandoned in favor of his naked chest. it always feels fitting, like his heart is the stuffed toy that you can’t go without at night.
he swallows the lump in his throat, brushing your hair away from your face to gently caress your soft skin. you look so serene. but your ex’s fingers can be traced on the red bruise that has tainted your cheek and his jaw clenches, hand momentarily balling into a fist to release the leftover anger still boiling in his blood. everyday, you feel the need to act tough because of people like him, and you are… but deep down, he knows, that you just crave to be loved.
“you loved me too. once.”
however, that has lost its meaning when juwon didn’t love you the way you deserved to be loved.
and jungkook admits it’s not as easy for him to do in a whole different dimension. he leads a kind of life not everyone survives, but that never stopped him for trying his damn hardest.
—
you’re awoken in the middle of the night by jungkook’s forehead accidentally knocking against yours. his snoring doesn’t cease, however, and you had to remind yourself that this is the same boy who continued sleeping despite rolling off his inflated sleeping bag on camera.
you slowly sit up as you rub the sleep from your eyes. you spend an unknown amount of time spaced out, barely blinking. afterwards, you force yourself to leave the comfort of the bed, taking the cold compress along with you. you drain the melted ice over the kitchen sink before opening the refrigerator to refill it with ice cubes. you can’t help but to allow your eyes to wander around, which then leads you to contemplate on whether to cook ramen or not… but then again, it’s already 3am and most likely, you won’t be able to sleep again if you do.
“yah! why are doing just standing there?”
the deep voice echoes throughout the kitchen. you yelp in shock, nearly dropping the ice bag as you tap on your pounding chest.
“i told you to stop doing that!”
jimin bursts into a fit of too delighted giggles, hunched over the kitchen counter as he places a hand over his belly. he’s fully clothed this time, fresh from the shower, judging from his hair.
“it’s not funny!” you whine. “one of these days i might be holding a knife when you do that!”
“ey, what would you be holding a knife for? jungkook never lets you lift a finger while you’re here.”
that’s just because he knows you’re not very talented in the kitchen.
the wide smile on his face then fades, expression morphing into one of concern as he studies your face bathed by the refrigerator light.
“what happened to your face?”
fuck, you’ve completely forgotten about that.
“it’s a long story.” you sigh, closing the refrigerator.
“it’s alright. i have all the time in the world to listen.”
“you know that i really appreciate that and i’m grateful but…” your smile borders on a wince. “no, you don’t. get some more sleep, please.”
your unexpected response causes jimin to scratch his head shyly. the two of you stare at each other for a few seconds before laughing at the same time.
“oh, that’s right!” you pause on your tracks when an essential item pops in your mind. “do you have healing ointment? for cuts and bruises and stuff?”
“it’s for jungkook,” you add.
“doesn’t he have that?”
“it’s not here,”
your sweet smile tells jimin everything he needs to know.
“ah, that kid really comes home to different houses now. he’s all grown up.”
“…and how many exactly?” you arch an eyebrow.
he purses his lips together, jokingly pretending to think hard. “the dorm… and then his family… then there’s you?”
“anywhere else?”
“nope!”
“sooo, do you have it or not?”
“i’ll go downstairs and buy it right now.”
he offers you a kind smile and pats on the head. a protest dies down in your throat as he goes straight for the front door.
“thank you!”
“you’re welcome!”
—
despite your active efforts to avoid making any sort of noise, the door produces a small ‘click’ as you cautiously close it behind you. you discover that jungkook has flipped over to face your side, his arm outstretched as if he was reaching out for you. you almost feel bad for leaving him alone in bed, so you sit next to him, positioned on the lower half of the bed since he took up your space.
a short snore escapes him, one that rises then falls so abruptly, like a note on the piano pressed on accident. you cover your mouth to muffle your giggle.
how adorable. you have grown to tolerate, and even adore, his snoring.
stolen kisses on his bruised knuckles, tiny and featherlight, apologetic most of all. their bad condition brought upon by boxing worsened when he used his dominant hand bare, knuckles of his two longest fingers ripped. it seems that he did the bare minimum by putting a stop to the bleeding then washing them clean, then nothing else. he didn’t even tell you, didn’t complain or show any sign that he was in pain.
you hold the cold compress over his bruises, switching between his cheek and knuckles, mindful of not touching the wounds as to not aggravate him in his sleep.
you’ve been stripped down bare— your pride and dignity dismantled into pieces that create a picture of you that you do not like… but could be the love and sincerity in your heart be enough to live by? even if no one is awake to witness it?
you’re saved from drowning in your thoughts by the front door being unlocked. for the second time, you tiptoe your way out of jungkook’s bedroom.
“this is for wounds, and then…” jimin returns the tube inside the paper bag to grab the other. “this one, for bruises.”
“thank you. i’ll pay you back.”
“yah!” jimin expands his eyes threateningly, which you mimic in challenge as you hug the paper bag to your chest. “i’m also your older brother, okay? i should do these things for you.”
you scrunch your nose, to express disagreement at first, but later on it only makes your smile appear brighter.
“doesn’t it hurt you to smile? please use them well too, ____. do you understand? that’s why i bought the biggest ones!”
it does hurt.
“thank you…” you reply shyly.
you’ve forgotten how it feels like to be taken care of by family.
—
“baby, where did you go?”
jungkook’s raspy voice is music to your ears.
he woke up a mere minute ago, caught in the middle of sitting up on the bed once it caught up to his sleep-muddled brain that you’re no longer beside him.
“nowhere,”
you sit at the edge of the bed without another word, putting his hands over your lap to apply the healing cream to his afflictions.
his eyelids flutter in sleepiness as he watches your every movement.
a small dollop at the pad of your finger, transferred over his torn knuckle and smeared with the lightest of touch. occasionally your finger pauses, unsure, calculating— the last thing it wants is to hurt him.
he kisses your lips— he feels suspended in time—hasn’t quite reconnected with reality and with his body. wide-eyed, you seem taken aback by the display of affection. his mouth then softly curves with fondness.
“i love you.”
“i love you, too.” you whisper timidly.
your actions have become hurried, but jungkook is far too drowsy to notice your discomfort.
for the final part, you rub the cream on the bruise on his cheek. you press a kiss on the corner of his lips. “all done. go back to sleep.”
“let’s go,”
he hooks his arm under your knees, eager to carry you over to your side of the bed, but he gets interrupted by your protest.
“wait, wait, wait- i need to pee first.”
“wha- hurry!” he complains with a peeved frown, which you fail to catch a glimpse of because he has squeezed you taut against his body. “i won’t be able to sleep without you here.”
—
eternally cursed with the ability to feel too much of everything.
you push your back against the bathroom door, breathing heavy and labored as you blindly pat around for its lock. the click serves as the cue for your salty tears to drip from the edges of your eyelashes, cascading down, down, down your chin. some of them crash on the collar of your pajama top, the rest on the white tiled floor. this room is a stranger to your shipwreck, but old habits die hard.
the intense pressure of the water collides with the porcelain sink. rain and thunder and the gusts of wind being your gasps for air. an isolated storm undetected in the city of seoul you’re forced to brave alone, on the floor, tucked into yourself to protect the beating sacredness inside your ribcage. the sobs claw their way up your throat rather than soaring like exhales do.
no one has ever raised their hand at you. not even your parents. not even when you broke your grandmother’s precious china, or lost their big paper bills to the wind, or cursed at them for embarrassing you infront of your friends.
you want to be mad and say that juwon deserved what he got. you want to say that you hope his nose is broken. but you don’t know how one is supposed to react when something like that happens. you don’t know if it justifies everything after that. if the roles were reversed and you slapped him, won’t no one bat an eye?
…and you know jungkook has questions you still haven’t figured out how to answer. you know he now has reasons to doubt you. you know in his eyes, you may now be a hypocrite and not the advocate he adored. these days, you don’t really want to be seen as anything less or more than who you are, but you so desperately wish to be someone he is proud to love.
you feel mocked for even daring to dream of it.
“i’m tired, i’m tired, i’m tired.”
incoherent mumbles further stirs the unbridled chaos.
“i’m so sick of this. why… why do bad things keep happening to me?”
you don’t expect an answer but you yearn for some sort of meaning. you don’t mind suffering but you wish it could only be to an extent where you don’t have to fear.
echoes of rumbles and thunder. you’re nearer the sky but farther from heaven.
—
it’s been more than a week. you’ve been waking up with a gaping hole in the middle of your torso. you climb out of bed, cover up your cheek with make-up, good as new, and go about your day as if nothing happened. life on its own is already too much of a burden for you.
jungkook checks up on you everyday, though, despite his busy schedule. mostly through the phone, and whenever he can, he goes straight to where you are after work to dote on you no matter the time. he kisses you on the cheek, claims himself to have healing properties, and says i love you. and during those periods of time you were together, he hasn’t said another word about the incident. and it has been driving you absolutely insane.
you glance down at him, sat on the floor with an ipad balanced on top of his propped up knees, wearing one of your anti-radiation glasses as he finds himself absorbed in drawing the view a foot away from him. you.
“why do you keep looking at me?” he scolds you lightheartedly. “go back to studying so we can go to sleep.”
“can’t help it,” you mumble as you reposition your pen over the paper. you’ve been reorganizing your notes the whole night for your upcoming tests, but your mind keeps flying everywhere else. “my boyfriend’s too pretty.”
“ah, it can’t be helped then. sorry about that.” he smirks cockily, pulling the dramatics by switching his eyes between you and his back. “should… should i turn around then?”
“did you box again?”
the accusation is spat out before you can think twice.
“oh, you did. your knuckles are all messed up again.”
he pouts, crossing his legs. “but baby, i have to train... i wrapped my hands properly!”
“still,” you sigh. “can’t you just let them heal for a little while?”
you turn to the cabinet on your other side to bring out the pouch of healing ointments you’re now suspecting he brought and didn’t accidentally leave behind.
you lay out your hand, and jungkook puts his on top of yours, dragging himself close.
you both smile when you see that he has laid his hands over your thighs like he’s getting a manicure. silly boy. you pull them closer by his fingers so you can reach his red knuckles.
“why are you trying so hard?”
your finger is stained with his blood. your voice is as gentle as your touches, and that’s why it hurts.
jungkook doesn’t know either. he’s been trying to extinguish his leftover anger and bitterness through work and boxing— suppressing the onslaught of negative thoughts threatening to poison what the two of you have. jungkook doesn’t want to know. he doesn’t want anything to change. right now, he can’t afford them to.
“there’s no one to fight.”
“turns out there is,” he argues.
he regrets it as soon as your hand trembles.
“it’s okay… to ask. we’re in a relationship. you’re entitled to know things like that.” your eyes are unafraid again, and it scares him, like you’re always prepared to let him go. “i won’t get offended, or anything like that. if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“i trust you,” he says simply. “so i don’t need to know. especially if talking about it makes you uncomfortable. it’s okay… we’re okay, baby.”
stillness washes over the room like a tide that swallows everything up, and for a moment jungkook is convinced that the two of you will never bring it up again.
but the words you utter next are a punch to the gut.
they almost sound like a plead.
“but i can’t live my life that way, jungkook.”
strands of your hair descend to your face, framing it perfectly, but your eyes become hidden from view. you rip a bandaid open and blanket it over his two knuckles, still wounded as before, if not worse.
“if you intend to be with me for a long time, then i need you to need to know…” because there will be things i’d want to tell you, but wouldn’t feel the need to.
“then tell me,” he replies, prompted by a renewed determination. “i don’t just intend to be with you for a long time. i want way more than that.”
—
jungkook fiddles with the hello kitty bandaid using his thumb, mind reeling and grappling to process the overload of information told by your storytelling voice. all of a sudden, he’s grateful that you decided to lie down on the bed for this conversation.
“juwon was your boyfriend before me, no?”
“no, no, no. he was…” your lips part as if you have something more left to say, but you eventually give up. “yup, no.”
“so you found out that he’s been cheating on you for-for two mo-”
“three-”
“three months, and you…” he blinks. “slept with a stranger and let him catch you?”
“i was really petty. i was seventeen after all… my pride couldn’t take it. my friends- they tried to stop me but… but all i could think of was how to make him feel the way i was feeling.” your voice sounds small, smaller as you squeeze yourself into his side and curl up to hide your face. “so i let him think i was the bad guy.”
he understands that you were vengeful, but he doesn’t know if you comprehend the scale of what you have done.
“he looked so sad and hurt that i started to feel guilty. i don’t know if i was still acting when i was apologizing to him.” you scoff with eyebrows knitted together. “i felt so dirty… i still feel like a bad person, you know?”
you took the face of juwon’s demons and he didn’t like what he saw.
“i had it coming,” — he now has a grasp of what you meant before.
“so how has he been doing this to me for such a long time? how does he stomach it? knowing what i was going through? that’s what i thought… it makes me so upset…”
jungkook doesn’t try to assess you as you speak. he only listens, until your voice cracks. his heart is split into two as tears flood your eyes, escaping past the corners and slipping down to soak the fabric of his t-shirt.
you sniffle. “and the sex wasn’t even that great. i regret it even more.”
he flinches, abruptly squeezing his eyes shut. not that great? okay… okay. the mental image of you being physically intimate with someone that isn’t him definitely doesn’t sicken him to his core. at all. nope, nope, nope.
“fuck, baby, please,” he groans as if he is in pain, putting an arm over his eyes. “hearing about you have sex with other guys is making me want to punch something again. fuck.”
“that’s what you took away from the story?”
“yes!” he exclaims with conviction. “we should’ve met a year earlier. i would’ve let you use me!”
you gasp, scandalized. “oh my god! jungkook!”
“argh-” he animatedly clutches at his chest that caught your fist.
“you’re crazy!”
“uhuh, about you.” he proudly replies, pulling you closer to his side, as if that was still possible.
the subtle upwards of the corners of your lips gives him a sense of relief. he tenderly cups your cheek, his thumb ghosting over the bruise that has turned a darker shade of blue and purple.
“listen to me, i- i’m not here to tell you what’s right or wrong. i’m not that type of person. but what i can do tell you is that this…” he briefly shakes his head. “didn’t change the way i see you at all. he hurt you. he cheated and you were hurt, ____.”
your eyes gleam with uncertainty, a fresh wave of tears threatening to escape. “are you sure?”
“of course i am. why wouldn’t i be sure?”
“because you’re crazy about me.”
the sweet innocence of your eyelashes fluttering elicits a chuckle from him. you’re so fucking cute.
“that’s the reason i’m sure.” he tilts up your chin to plant a kiss to your lips, mumbling. “i’ve never been wrong about anything i’m crazy about.”
“thank you,” you say quietly, melting into his embrace. you nuzzle your face against his chest, and at last, you grant your eyes rest. “i can finally sleep peacefully again.”
fuck, it’s been weighing on you this whole time and he didn’t know.
“i’m sorry i only dated assholes before you.”
“aish, why would you be sorry about such a thing?” he kisses the top of your head, gentleness contradicting his following sentence. “i’d crush each one of those assholes for you.”
and he’d beat himself up the worst if he ever becomes one of them.
you yawn, sniffling right after. “mhm, i bet you will.”
he carefully rolls over to the side so he can wrap both arms around you, and you keen in contentment.
“jungkook?”
“yes, baby?” he coos.
“i… really… love you so, so, so much. you are… the one person i’d die for before i hurt.”
goddammit, it’s an angel sleeping in his arms.
“that’s a relief to hear. you’re very smart and scary when you’re mad.”
“eh, jungkook! i swear i’ve grown up! i’m not like that anymore!”
“okay, okay!” he laughs at your childish whining and squirming as he ushers you back in his embrace. “i believe you! i trust you! i love you too!”
—
although you spend more nights together in your apartment for your safety and convenience, in all honesty, you like staying over at jungkook’s more. his smell evokes the sentiment of home, and when you stay long enough, it becomes a temporary part of you. you’re gradually more well-versed in the organized and unorganized corners of his room. you like that you know where he keeps the safety pins and you know to be careful when walking so you won’t trip over his dumbbells he leaves lying around. and it’s a little ridiculous but… you like that his mattress is on the floor and you don’t really know why.
your boyfriend is still blissfully asleep as you climb over him, landing on the floor without a sound like a veteran spy. however, you rush to step out of the room before the rumbling of your empty stomach could wake him up.
“yah, thief! what do you think you’re doing?!”
“fuck!” the pack of ramen hits the floor when your hands fly to your chest to clutch at your painfully pounding heart. “i swear to god, you’re going to kill me one day!”
and unsurprisingly, your chagrin is countered yet again with jimin’s all too pleased laughter.
“____, you look so suspicious! why are you using a flashlight? we have electricity! we can pay for it!”
“i don’t like it too bright, okay?” you grumble as you pick up your supposed midnight meal.
“let’s just turn on this one then.”
“uh-” the objection dies down in your throat when the light over the dining table was switched on.
“i’m hungry, too. grab two more packs of ramyeon, please.”
“who’s the other one for?”
jimin fills the pot with water from the sink while you pick up two more of the same pack from the pantry.
“just us. don’t you agree that one pack is too small for one person?”
“it’s just enough for me though?” you rip open the packs one by one to retrieve the packets of seasonings. “with your job, though, i’d definitely have a bigger appetite.”
“alright,” he pouts, pretending to be upset. “let’s have just two then.”
“no, no, no-” you chase his hand, tightly gripping the last pack that he stole. “let’s have three! let’s have three! i didn’t eat dinner!”
—
“my mom brought a lot of kimchi yesterday. there’s an entire box in the fridge. i’ll pack you some before you leave later.”
“put some more in,” you say cutely as you peer down at the pot of ramen beside jimin. “please?”
he chuckles, adhering to your request before handing the container to you.
“thank you!”
you hop on the counter infront of the stove, chewing on a mouthful of kimchi with a joy akin to a child receiving a sweet treat. leaving the ramen to cook for the next five minutes, jimin sits a few feet away.
“aigoo, are you that hungry?”
“this is so delicious!” you praise his mother’s cooking instead of answering the question. “i can really eat this on its own.”
“ey, don’t fill yourself up yet! we have a lot of ramyeon to eat!”
“sorry, sorry!”
your giggles fill the apartment with warmth during this freezing winter. jimin didn’t doubt it when jungkook said that you light up every room you enter, he just didn’t expect that he would also gain a friend.
“how’s your cheek?”
“as you can see,” you motion at your face. “yellow. soooo… uglier.”
“that means it’s healing well.”
“i know,” the apples of your cheek become plump as your lips curve. “it no longer hurts to smile.”
“that’s a relief to hear,” he returns your kind smile. “jungkook has been worried about you.”
that’s the end of what he can tell you. jungkook won’t be pleased if you learn that he cried when he talked about the horrible thing that happened to you.
“thank you,”
“huh? for what?”
“being jungkook’s happiness.”
from his peripheral vision, he perceives your surprise. however, he is too flustered to meet your eyes while he is speaking from the bottom of his heart.
“the past year was physically and mentally draining for the team. as you know, we… we were considering giving up and disbanding. and of course it’s hard on all of us, but i’m really, really worried about jungkook. but!”
he chuckles at the dramatic rise of his own voice.
“i’m less worried now that you’re in his life. and i’m not saying this to put pressure on you or anything! but you see, when he’s tired, he bounces back quickly because of you. he’s smiling more because of you. and i know it goes it also goes the other way around. mhmm… i-i guess what i’m saying is that i hope you can continue being each other’s strength? be each other’s cheerleader?”
you have begun to feel emotional as you listened to his sincere and heartwarming words, but you can’t help but to cackle at the fact that you just witnessed the park jimin say the word ‘cheerleader’ while daintily waving his hands around as they were holding pompoms. how awfully endearing.
“…or something like that.”
uncontrollable giggles vibrate his body, dramatically slipping down the counter and onto the tiled floor to enshroud himself in extreme sheepishness.
“ah, ____! this is driving me crazy! don’t laugh!”
“what are you doing lying on the floor?” you playfully scold him, recording with your phone in secret. “why do i suddenly feel like the older one?”
“what’s with the noise?”
you whip your head around, wide curious eyes greeted with a shirtless jungkook who is still rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
“is that ramyeon…? i want some too.”
jimin groans when he feels your foot poke him lightly.
“mister, can we add more? my googie is hungry too.”
—
“hyung, ____ told me something recently that really put a lot of things into perspective.”
and with that, jimin pours another bottle of beer in his and jungkook’s ice-filled mugs. “let me hear it.”
“if you intend to be with me for a long time, then i need you to need to know. at first i didn’t understand what it meant? then after we talked, something clicked for me. ahhh, i see it now. ____ didn’t want us to trust each other blindly… because that… that isn’t a good… foundation? for something that i want to last for a very long time. you, me, the members… don’t we all trust each other because we know that we’re good people to our core and we’re good at what we do? isn’t that why we have come this far, and why we keep going? besides army, of course!”
jimin blinks lazily, glossy eyes from the alcohol underneath it all. “that’s right. we wouldn’t have started this anyway… without that kind of trust. i don’t think it’s a connection you can just build with anyone too.”
“oh, that’s it. that’s right!”
“living together for a long time doesn’t guarantee it.”
“exactly.” jungkook nods repeatedly, probably too passionately, a guaranteed ticket for a hangover later on. “we talked about that last time too.”
“right? so we should protect it�� maintain it… never lose sight of our purpose…”
the lack of words that follow does not equate to silence. glasses clink against each other and teeth rip bags of chips open and noodles are slurped. they’re overseas and they can’t go to a korean restaurant and grill their own meat. the hotel steak would take forever to arrive and quite frankly, they had it yesterday and it was not good. this is not exactly ideal, but it has its own charm.
jungkook takes another swig of the bittersweet alcohol, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand afterwards.
“____ has become an important part of my life that i would do anything to protect too. how do i say it…?” he exhales to relieve the heavy weight on his chest. “i feel like i gained more purpose in life, hyung… to be honest, i might have a harder time because of that. i know it but… i’m happy. seriously, i’m happy.”
—
taglist in the reblogs! send an ask/dm if you want to be added (or removed) :D
—
#jungkook#jungkook fluff#jungkook angst#jungkook drabble#jungkook scenario#jungkook one shot#jungkook imagine#jungkook fic#jungkook fanfic#jungkook au#jungkook x reader#jungkook x you#bts fluff#bts reaction#jungkook smut
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"Dove in The Crows Nest: A Love and Deepspace Story"
Chapter 1: Mourning
Luke + Kieran x Reader
SUMMARY: Before the Chrososhift Catastrophe that led to the opening of the Deepspace tunnel, your home was normal. You had loving parents, lived in a lovely house, and played with the neighbor boys almost daily. There was no way you could've known that your simple life would be destroyed. Torn apart by energy fluctuations and monsters that killed anything that moved. Your family left you behind, lost in the panic. By all means, you should be dead. A toddler left behind in the remnants of a once bustling technology hub, now overrun with wanderers and criminals-it's the perfect tragedy. But you weren't dead; against all odds, you survived thanks to the boys you once played with: Luke and Kieran. Their adaptability protected you and guided you whenever you were lost. Thanks to them, you live to fight another day, and you owe them more than you might realize. Now it's your turn to protect them. To prove your worth and not only survive but thrive. Show them that you are worth fighting for, and show yourself that you are stronger than you know.
A few warnings just in case: This chapter covers graphic descriptions of minor character death and goes into detail about the reader's experiences with disassociating to escape a situation mentally, being aggressively pulled out of that dissociative state, having a loose grip on reality, and PTSD induced night terrors that might trigger readers with dissociative disorders or anxiety. Please read with care.
A/N: Quite a few lines and scenes are taken from the LADS wiki or Luke & Kieran's World Underneath Anecdotes: Mischief to make the story feel as immersive as possible. They're pretty easy to spot if you've read Mischief or played the game up to Long-Awaited Revelry: Ambiguous Chaos (which I'm pretty sure you have if you're reading this), but just in case those lines and scenes are credited to Infold and the writers of Love & Deepspace, and a big thanks to the LADS wiki for being the backbone of the world building.
FYI: With what I have planned for this story, the lovey-dovey stuff probably isn't going to start until WAY later, so…slow burn? These first few chapters will primarily establish the reader's place in the story, their relationship with the twins, their experiences growing up in the N109 zone, and setting up the main storyline. I hope you enjoy my attempt at world-building (???) As always, criticism is appreciated!!!
Image Source: 饱饱家的小画家 ❤️
Being abandoned by society wasn't ideal. There weren't many outstanding role models to look up to after the smoke had cleared and any sensible adults decided to evacuate. Considering how many pets and children were left behind, however, it isn't easy to think there were any sensible adults in the first place. Perhaps all the chronoshift did was peel away the pretty facade the city put over itself. Hiding away the ugly truth that nothing good ever came from this place. Just selfish people and their selfish ideologies. 'If you throw away all morality and compassion, was it really all that bad?' At least, that's what the twins kept telling you. Those two adapted quicker to what your home had turned into than you ever could. Weirdly, they seemed…happier? Or it was that their boredom was now easier to satiate, what with all the violence and death that permeated the very air you breathed. It was hard to wake up in the morning without finding a life-threatening catastrophe to fight for survival against. Whether it was wanderers or flesh and blood, the only common courtesy found in these streets was the imminent threat of death.
Luke and Kieran were twin boys who lived next to you back when the N109 was still a typical city. In their panic, the adults, your parents, abandoned the city in mass hysteria. You always hoped it was due to their fear that they left you behind. Lost in the panic of it all, their minds prioritized their survival over risking the consequences of trying to save infant children, but the boys always said it must have been because they didn't want you. Any of you. You remember watching the news while in hiding, sitting in your ruined bedroom with them, curled into a blanket as all three of you watched the mass memorial broadcasted to mourn the lost children left behind, presumed dead. You remember frantically searching for your parents' faces in the crowd, looking for one last chance of closure. You didn't find them.
Ultimately, the three of you decided to stick together, recognizing that your chances of survival would be better than if you split. And it did; that first year, you saw kids' and adults' bodies alike strewn across the streets when it was your turn to gather food and supplies, torn apart by the wanderers in a brutal display. You ran home, holding in your tears, hoping a wanderer wouldn't catch you, too. The boys didn't make you go out again after that. You all were so young when "the Catastrophe" happened. Fragments of memories replay in your mind, often plaguing you with night terrors of the things you experienced. Things no child should go through.
They always start as nightmares. You were six in this dream when wanderers still roamed most areas. It was a nicer day, quieter than usual, thanks to the efforts of the newly formed hunters association. You and Luke decided to go outside to play while Kieran was getting food. You were playing catch, and Luke had thrown the ball too hard for you to get a grab on it, so it flew to the other side of the street. He teased you for having slippery hands, and you stuck your tongue at him as you ran off to get it. It had rolled into a bush that separated the subdivisions; a familiar roundabout would be on the other side. That's when you saw her—a hunter fighting with the biggest wanderer you had ever seen: its looming figure and the singular red eye was enough to burn its image into your retinas.
She was severely injured, the hunter; her face was covered in blood, and her leg looked to be bent in the wrong direction. You could see its bone pierce through her muscle and flesh, its foul scent almost reaching you. Every step she took looked painful, a hiss pushed from between her teeth every time she dodged or ran, but she still had her pistol pointed at the monster. You swore you could see tears falling down her cheeks, mimicking your own that stung your eyes whenever your lids threatened to close. Adrenaline flushed blood to your ears; you could hear your heartbeats pulse from your ear drum. The muscle in your chest wanted to jump out of your chest and run away, and you with it if your circulation could reach your legs. Its methodical rhythm only emphasized the unbearable pressure, like your skull would pop if you dared to look away.
Miss Hunter fought hard. Despite how much pain she was in, despite the wet reflections from the pools of her own blood, she fought. You could almost see yourself; you could stare at the mirror image she left in the murky, rusted brown of her blood and find another little girl fighting for the right to live. The irony wasn't lost on you, even despite your underdeveloped brain. She was losing this fight; she was putting in everything her humanity could give and losing. The banging of gunshots made you jump every time she squeezed the trigger. Its violent sound made your head hurt; your ears began to ring so loudly that you had to cover them and crouch over in an attempt to ease the pain. The shadows of their fight almost looked like dancing in a child's mind. Their twists and turns, her flailing to find stable ground to aim as the monster swung and scratched and clawed and bit. If you imagined hard enough, the woman's screams became singing, the monster's roars were the wind, and the blood that stained your hands and knees was just the paint for the roses. If you could escape into your very own wonderland, then maybe Luke and Kieren could come find you. Perhaps you could finally leave this terrible, awful place. Maybe you could be free and happy with the two people you loved the most. The snapping sound was just a twig; those sudden loud noises were birds, and the stream of reddish-brown liquid that began to pool at your feet was the river of tea. It was wacky and weird here, but it was safe. You were safe. They were safe…
But you just couldn't dream hard enough, could you, Alice?
All it took to shatter your carefully curated reality was a single, curious glance up: to find the Jabberwocky tear the white queen apart, her pristine dress and hair ruined by your tea. Because this was real, and you weren't in Wonderland. There was no magic cake to make you taller, just as her arm was no longer attached to her body. You couldn't make a magic potion to make you the size of a mouse, just the same as how you couldn't mend the bone that snapped so cleanly on her other leg. The Cheshire cat, his grin so pointed and fun, couldn't guide your way any more than you could guide your eyes away from hers. That moment, she saw you, and you saw her. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She was silent in her death when the monster snapped its jaws shut, tearing her torso from her waist. You, too, watched in silence as her now still body rolled on the ground, her arm still outstretched towards you. The part of you that wanted to still believe in your fairytale told you she was sleeping, exhausted from her fight, and getting some well-deserved shut-eye. But the other part of you, the part that remembered, took all of five seconds to rewire your brain again. Your hands shot up to your mouth to cover any screams that threatened to come out, just like Keiren taught you.
In reality, you don't quite remember how long you stayed there, watching the corpse's eyes stare into your soul as her blood pooled around her remaining body and stained the grass red. It must have been a while because, by the time the wanderer was finally satisfied with the state it left her in and disappeared, Kieran had returned from scavaging and joined Luke in searching for you. It was nightfall when they found you in that bush, and it only took one side glance from Luke at what you were locked in staring at and a nudge to Kieran's side that they agreed to ditch the ball in favor of heading home. In the terrible nightmare world of your dreams, however, you couldn't help it. Your terror and lack of ability to run away made you scream. A shrill, bloodcurdling kind of scream that couldn't be held back by a child's hand. And the wanderer heard you; how could it not? Your cries rang in your ears well out of your dream as you awoke in your bed and could still see, hear, and feel the wanderer's breath, the metallic scent of blood on its maws covering your face. The upper half of that hunter is in its jaws, trying to claw her way out. You could almost feel her fingertips trying to caress your skin while her wails of agony overlap your own. The lines between fiction and reality have blurred to the point where you can't tell what's real anymore. Was this another intruder upon your wonderland, or should you pray to whatever god would listen for the chance to finally feel at peace?
"WHAT IS IT? WHOOSE THERE!?" The door to your room flew off its hinges as Luke and Kieran burst in, holding darts and a wooden bat while wildly searching the room for any signs of an intruder. When it was evident that, in fact, nothing was there, Luke was the first to run to you to try and calm you down. He wrapped his arms around you, pushed your head into his chest, and squeezed, effectively covering your eyes and ears. You tried to toss and shove him away, still fearful of the monster that you could no longer see. Your nails dug into his arms as you tried to push them away from you with all your might. But he didn't budge, only held on higher so you could hear his heartbeat from his chest. A reminder that he was still there, that none of what you saw was real. Kieran sat next to you on the mattress and softly rubbed your back while he called your name to try and coax you back to reality. "( )? ( ) it's okay; it's just us in here. There's nothing over there." And while the comfort of their gentle tones and touch did help, the imagined scent of blood being quickly replaced by the real thing certainly didn't.
It was only until your breath began to even and you whispered to Luke that it was getting difficult to breathe that he finally let you go. As you began rubbing away any tear stains left on your face (and quietly chastising yourself for the apparent discoloration of Luke's shirt), you lifted your head to get a good look at them. Their faces, shirts, and arms were covered in cuts, bruises, and blood. Your heart dropped as your panic-ridden brain imagined they were like the hunter: vengeful ghosts haunting your dreams for being weak, but again, when the logical side of your brain kicked in, the thought was quickly thrown away. After taking a few deep breaths, as ordered by Kieren, you looked around for your clock. "What time is it…?" "Three AM," they answered in unison. Luke backed up to stand next to his brother; you got a better look at the two as their identical eyes did the same to you.
Thankfully, they didn't seem too hurt, and most of the blood didn't look to be theirs. Keiran had his hair tied up behind him, giving you a better view of his massive black eye, while Luke's unruly hair stayed down in an attempt to cover the busted lip you saw peeking through the strands. You sigh. "How was the fighting ring?" Kieran was the first to speak. "They said we couldn't join because we were 'too skinny' or something-." You vaguely recalled last night when the two of them came home angry because something didn't go according to plan. Luke's lips curled into a mischievous grin as he went to finish his twin's sentence. "So we beat up all the other fighters; that way, they had no choice but to let us in." Naturally.
You scooted over to Keiran at the edge of the bed and placed a hand over his chest, closing your eyes when a soft glow radiated from your palm. When you were twelve, you learned you were an Evolver: someone who obtained a special superpower, known as an Evol, only possessed by a small portion of the human population. You were "lucky" enough to have been born with a potent healing Evol, which came in handy with the maniacs in your life who seemed to always be in some danger as of late. So, like all things in the N109 zone, it became part of a deal. They protected you and let you stay with them; in return, you'd heal their injuries. The boys didn't seem to develop any powers, something they would often whine about; you saw that as a blessing. They got themselves into enough trouble as it is without adding magical powers into the mix.
"Sooo…" Luke began, "What was that?" Kieran gave Luke a pointed look as he put his hands up in defense. "What? I'm the only one who thought the screams of bloody murder were weird?" Kieran's wounds fully healed, and you beckoned Luke to come closer, putting your hand on his chest as well when he stood before you. "It was nothing. Just another nightmare." They looked at each other in a silent exchange. You were always jealous of how they could do that, have entire conversations with each other, and not need to say a word. A simple glance and they were on the same page. Most people could only wish to have that sort of connection in their lifetime, you included.
"Been getting those a lot lately; did something happen? Wanna talk about it…?" You couldn't tell which twin had asked you, not that it mattered. The answer would be the same. There was no way you could risk proving your weakness to them and risk getting left behind. They were strong and had each other; they didn't need you. You were safe as long as you continued to prove your value, so regardless of how you might feel, you couldn't tell them anything. You owed it to them.
You shook your head again in silent denial and quickly moved on from the subject, so they didn't have time to bring it back up. Something that would distract them: "All this to try and kill Onychinus's boss…you two really are crazy. Aren't you worried he might hurt you? Or worse…?" Kieran pulled out one of his darts and began fiddling with it. "It's not like we have much to lose; might as well make the most of it. Go big or go home, right?" You furrowed your brows at his lax attitude towards the subject. "Your lives? Each other?" 'Me?' You could only think of the last part. As much as you wished they cared for you half as much as you did for them, you knew they only had room in their hearts for each other and their own amusement.
They looked at each other and laughed. "We're on borrowed time anyway, aren't we? Might as well go out with a bang!" Luke's words felt like one of Kieran's darts shot straight into your heart. "Yeah!" Kieran continued, "We should count ourselves lucky to be killed by him; better that than risk transforming into one of those…things." You tighten at every word they speak. They were right, probably, but that didn't mean the reality of the situation hurt any less.
Two years ago, when you were fourteen, a group from an illegal research facility started gathering up as many kids roaming the streets of the N109 as they could. They were looking for test subjects to experiment with the effects of protocore enhancement and embedding those protocores into human specimens, trying to see if the cosmic energy residing in protocores could force an Evol or somehow augment a pre-existing one. Kids of the N109 were the perfect targets, already considered forgotten tragedies; no one would miss them or notice they were gone. For two years, you were separated. Luke and Kieran were taken to a facility whose specialty was powerless twins; from what they told you, they each had half of a protocore lodged in their hearts. Their connection surpassed the subconscious, and now they felt everything together. See from each other's eyes, feel what each other feels. Their pain was shared, split between the two of them. Some part of you tried to find the bright side: that at least this way, neither one of them would feel alone in their suffering. You couldn't help how your skin crawled, however, imagining waking up from the procedure and suddenly seeing double, feeling double, hurting twice as much as faceless researchers poked and prodded at you to see if your brother could feel the same. You shook in anger every time you thought of it. Stupid people and their stupid misconceptions about twins.
Truthfully, you couldn't quite remember what happened to you. It was like you spent two years falling in and out of sleep. If you thought hard enough, you could place the blinding lights of the operating table, the stale scent of the room you always seemed to wake up in, and the blurry faces of children and doctors alike asking you questions, but no matter what you did you can't seem to recall what they were about. You couldn't regain yourself until days after Luke and Kieran broke you out and managed to escape. You broke into tears the first time you saw yourself in a mirror. The boys had mugged some people for money and took you to a clothing store to get out of the rags the lab kept you in. They randomly handed you some clothes to try on and shoved you into a dressing room while they "handled the store owner" (as they put it). Your feelings overwhelmed you when you turned around to check yourself in the mirror, and your face and body were completely different from how you remembered. You were taller and built differently from the way you were before. Your hands roamed your face and skin while trying to find some sense of normalcy, something recognizable, but you couldn't find anything. You tugged and scratched at your arms and cheeks, making red marks with every passing of your nails. You scratched so hard that you drew blood from your forearms, but not even the hue looked the same as it dripped onto the floor. You don't remember when you screamed or when you fell to your knees. When you sobbed and broke the mirror in fear of what you were looking at.
The twins flung the curtain off its rack to find you curled into a corner, broken and scared. Only then did you think of getting a good look at their faces and seeing that they, too, had changed. Whereas before, you stood a few inches above them, they now were a good foot taller than you. And while their faces still mimicked each other, there was something so decidedly different that, for a moment, you thought there was no way it could be them. Their smiles weren't the same, and their eyes had lost their playful glint. Before another wave of despair could wash over you, they grabbed your arms and ran out of the store without a word. That night, the three of you discussed each other's experiences with the experiments…and you discovered that two years of your life were gone. Forever.
It'd only been a few weeks since the three of you escaped, hiding in a small abandoned house you temporarily called home. Most buildings in the N109 Zone were renovated from previously derelict structures. In the shadows, where neon lights from the bustling streets can't reach, it was easy to find a vacant space that wasn't too dilapidated. However, A few days ago, they returned to you with a document they 'found' with their names on it. It described their procedure, the effects, and…their estimated time of death
Three months. Their bodies were rejecting the protocore, and it was predicted that they had three months to live before becoming…something. Not quite wanderer, not quite human. When you asked them what this transformation would entail, they wouldn't elaborate, just insisting that allowing themselves to undergo it was out of the question. It was the first time in a long time that you could recall genuinely seeing them scared. But before you could process the words enough to react, Luke ripped the papers from your hand and threw them out the window before telling you their master plan: they were going after Sylus, the unofficial head of the N109 zone.
You had reminded them multiple times of the stories you heard growing up about his influence and power; nobody could lay a finger on him, but they would wave you off and tell you the same thing they were telling you now. Once, when trying to convince them to give up on this fruitless adventure, they asked you if you could heal them. If whatever experiment was done on you could stabilize the protocores in their hearts. You didn't think they could have that much hope in you, but you didn't know. You didn't know what had been done to you, and you didn't know if it affected your Evol at all. It was the only thing that felt the same as before.
Which brought you back to the present: Your fingers started to sting while the last of Luke's wounds closed up, and you shook your hand away as the burning sensation subsided. You didn't bother looking up at him when you stood up from bed. "I'm gonna go get some water." Luke's eyes lit up at your statement, and he dashed out of the room to the ice machine. Kieran groaned and rolled his eyes at the sound of his brother rummaging around for the best block. You couldn't help the tug of a smile from the corner of your lips when you watched them. They are so similar, yet so different.
You once asked Luke why he loved ice so much, and apparently, during one of their escape attempts they got caught by the guards, and Kieran ended up getting beaten up so badly that he ended up with a mouthful of blood. They were stuck in solitary confinement for two weeks because they refused to reveal how they managed to get out, and Kieren denied all medical treatment. But because they're connected, Luke also had to suffer despite having already healed. The ice was initially numb to the pain that wasn't his own, and it later developed into a thrill for the cold. Kieran, after his two-week confinement, had taken the lesson to heart. The day his punishment ended, he exacted his revenge with a dart he made. After that, crafting darts became a hobby. Yet another instance of change that happened without you ever knowing about it.
Luke was already crunching away at his ice cubes and waiting for more when you poured a water bottle into a glass and topped it off with ice. Luke scooped up two cubes as they fell, popped them into his mouth, and then turned back to his brother, who was now sitting on the couch. "You want some ice?" but Kieran waved his hand in dismissal. "Ice reminds me of when I got beat up. I'll pass." Laughter filled the room as Luke tossed an ice cube at Kieran before plopping onto the couch and crossing his legs. "Serves you right." His twin looks down at the ice cube in his hand with a frown before dropping it on the ground, making Luke whine about 'wasting a perfectly good ice cube.'
You drank your water and sat on the floor beneath them, leaning against the couch frame. The room was silent, except for the ice melting in your glass and Luke's crunching. There was comfort in the quiet. For a moment, it was like you were fourteen again. All the wanderers were wiped out, the hunters' association had officially deemed you no-hunt zone 109, and you had each other. All you had to do was stick together and survive. In that memory, nothing else mattered.
"We're going back tomorrow." Kieran leaned back against the cushions and reached his arms above him. "Fourth rule of a successful ambush: swiftly abandon flawed tactics and use new strategies to confuse your opponent!" you stared down at your now empty glass in quiet contentment. You knew what he was referring to: "The Four Rules of A Succesful Ambush!" was something you used to read in a comic book about spies when you were younger. They loved it so much that they began to use them as their own. You doubted that the silly rules used to fight comic book villains would work on the real threat they were going after. You could hardly manage to mumble out a meek "What's the plan…?" without the threat of tears rolling down your face again. If they had noticed your struggle, they wouldn't have mentioned it. Instead, choosing to continue with a level of excitement that didn't match the conversation topic.
Luke punches the air in front of him: "We're gonna pretend to want to be his subordinates! Then, when he least expects it, we'll stab him in the back!" He makes a gesture with his fists to mimic the action of stabbing someone as his other hand goes to give his brother a high-five. You could only give a hum in response. You could say something about how Sylus had likely seen this tactic before, what with being the most extended running boss in the N109's history, and that they were almost certain to fail. You wanted to tell them to stop, to give up on this adrenaline high, and stay with you where it was safe. You could crawl on your knees and beg them to return to the way things were before, one last chance to feel some sense of normalcy before the only friends you'd ever known and your only source of protection from this damnable place were gone forever. But you couldn't. You couldn't be so selfish as to take away their last chance at feeling some sense of purpose before it'd be taken away. So you stood up from the floor, leaving behind your empty glass, and went back to the room to sleep. From behind you, you could hear one of the boys stand up and call out to you; their voice almost seemed strained, "Night ( )!" Kieran.
You didn't bother to look over your shoulder; it was too painful to think this would be the last time you'd ever see them again. Instead, you nodded your head and walked away. "Goodnight, Kieran…Luke. Good luck tomorrow; I'll be here when you get back…"
Did you know you could've read this sooner? Chapters get posted earlier on my A03 page! Chapter 2 is already out!!!
#LADS#love & deepspace#love & deepsace x reader#Caleb#Caleb x reader#Zayne#Zayne x reader#Xavier#Xavier x reader#rafayel#Rafayel x reader#love and deepspace#sylus#sylus x reader#nightly rendezvous#Luke#Kieran#Luke & Kieran#Luke & Kieran x reader#N109 zone#mental health#awareness#x reader#fanfic
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Alina and the Darkling’s interactions, pt. 16-ish
Ruin and Rising- Chapter 3
I've analyzed bits of this scene before here.
Alina just accessed the Tether out of her own free will, yet still she attributes all the influence over its manifestation to the Darkling. He didn't reach out, she surprised him,
As if him controlling her mind- laughable, since she always does what she wants- were the only possible option. But only that is the acceptable explanation to Alina.
Fucker's playing with her again.
No matter how badly off were he, he'd never admit the extent of his weakness. He's already giving her plenty by displaying his admiration, but that doesn't cost him. She knows she wounded him, she deserves the credit. Letting her know how much would be too dangerous.
Alina also proves she's hardly stupid in correct environment. She needs someone praising her, supporting her, gently urging her to grow... not a self-centred anvil.
This is the perfect summary of their relationship from Aleksander's side.
It's fascinating to watch Aleksander put on his unconcerned mask, only to lose it mere seconds later. How much can faith in Alina influence him even though he admitted she's not what he sees in her barely a moment earlier.
Alina's failing to see the survivor in him even though it's such a crucial aspect of him. She sees her own "noble" crusade, but not his greater goal or any personal desires he might be denying himself.
He stops the explanation, fully aware it's a waste of time. Alina believes he always intended to put himself above her, words won't change her opinion. Not his.
The Darkling attempted to bridge those centuries separating them by increasing her power, but that couldn't make up for her lack of experience, empathy or wisdom. He corrects himself. It could've been in time.
Alina spirals, afraid of her own desires, and she lashes out, throwing at him the first unfounded accusation she can come up with.
As if disagreeing with him weren't the only thing she's consistent in.
The Darkling has enough hold on himself not to deign to answer, so he does what he does the best- asks the ugly, unpleasant questions Alina doesn't want to think about.
And offers her the Crown, the Throne, the power over him once again...
Alina on offensive.
She could've been magnificent, were she to allow herself to become a person of her own.
She zeros on his weakness, and pursues it.
He's on the defensive this whole exchange.
If only her sudden confidence weren't just a bluff, empty words inside her head.
Love his "old grandpa" act. Sometimes he means it, this time it's just a desperate attempt to regain the upper hand.
And just in case we were about to put our faith in her too, Alina re-writes history, casting herself as helpless, hapless victim, zero agency included.
He's fucking touch-starved!
She could've used it SO.MANY.TIMES!!!
#Grishaverse#R&R Chapter 3#Alina Starkov#The Darkling#Alina and the Darkling’s interactions#Darklina#The Tether#self centred and paranoid#grishanalyticritical#V#Ruin and Rising#Grisha trilogy#books#quotes#Leigh Bardugo#They could've been so beautifully fucked up!
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Stranger Things (2x05): “Dig Dug” Review
If you haven't yet, be sure to check out my other reviews:
Stranger Things Episode Reviews:
Season 1:
The Vanishing of Will Byers
The Weirdo on Maple Street
Holly Jolly
The Body
The Flea and the Acrobat
The Monster
The Bathtub
The Upside Down
Season 2:
MADMAX
Trick or Treat, Freak
The Pollywog
Will the Wise
Stranger Things Play:
Stranger Things The First Shadow
Season 2 is the only one I remember not bingeing all the way through on the same day (not counting season 4 where they deliberately split it into two volumes on two different release dates). I was in college at the time taking 15 credit hours during the Fall (which was better than the 21 credit hours I crammed in during Spring of 2017), and I was doing this on top of a part-time job that went from 7pm to midnight. Needless to say, I was busy and didn’t have a lot of time on my hands, so it took me a while to get through this season. I don’t remember if I watched the first 4 episodes on the same day, or in interval days, but I do remember watching this episode on a weekend all the way to the finale with my roommates. Even back then, I recall this episode specifically because this is where it felt like season 2 (which was still good up to this point) kicked into high gear and the story accelerated.
Rewatching it now: That feeling remains the same. This episode is where things started to take off, and it’s thrilling to see that.
Aside from the characters and the adventures they go on, there are two main aspects that have always piqued my interest with this show: The mythology of Hawkins Lab and the experiments that took place there, and the nature of the Upside Down. When the show focuses on those elements, I’m invested. When they focus on the petty bullshit of school, or love triangles/romantic misunderstanding, or people being assholes to one another, I lose interest fast. When those elements start to eclipse the story, that’s when I start getting irritated.
This is a big reason why I had problems with seasons 1 and 3 (and even parts of season 4). I get season 1 is highly regarded (and considered by some fans to be the peak of the show), but for me, while it had a good story and I was invested in the mystery of Will’s disappearance and who El was, I didn’t care much for how the show kept circling back to asshole characters like Tommy, Carol, Nicole, Lonnie, Troy, and James making the main characters lives miserable. It’s not just about how bullying is something I have no patience for; it’s that I found these scenes derivative and distracting from the main story. There’s only so many times you can have a character be awful before you either get aggravated or bored, and you wish they’d go away and stay gone. It’s the same way I felt about Angela in season 4 and why I DESPISED the Lenora arc: It was ugly and unpleasant to sit through, Angela was so deeply nasty and hateful that she overstayed her welcome and started to drag down the quality of the show as a result, and it doesn’t help that this particular arc took up 1/3 of season 4 when it could have been put to better use exploring other themes beyond bullying. To say nothing about how El’s story over fitting in to school and society remains unresolved, or how we will likely never see Angela or anyone from Lenora again (since I doubt the Byers and El will be returning to Lenora anytime soon), which makes that entire arc feel like a waste of time.
By contrast, while season 2 wasn’t devoid of those aspects, they felt toned down, or at least diluted in a way where I found them easier to stomach. Billy, for instance, is still awful, but his scenes following last episode are so few and far between that I can at least tolerate them, and it doesn’t feel like he’s overshadowing the main story. Even the high school part with Steve is more about advancing his character development, and they thankfully continue moving his arc along in this episode. For the most part, this season put a bigger emphasis on growth, having characters form new relationships while reaffirming old ones, sending the characters on fun and horrifying adventures while featuring nice bonding moments, and pushing the bullies into the background so they weren’t dominating the story.
To be clear: I don’t have an issue with the show exploring themes of bullying. I’ve made it clear in past reviews I understand that, while they pay homage to certain elements of the decade, the show itself acts as a deconstruction of the 80s and points out how a lot of the social issues from that period of time (government corruption, surveillance, disinformation, abuse, generational trauma, bigotry, social cliques, the rot within suburbia, the dark side of nostalgia, etc) are problems our society is still experiencing 40+ years later. What I have a problem with is when it’s rehashed without offering anything new to the table.
In any case, this was a fun episode that moved the story along past the bullshit of school and the narrow-minded opinions of the Hawkins residents. I liked every one of the arcs featured in this episode, and the development for both the story and the characters.
Part 1: Searching for Jim Hopper (Featuring Joyce, Bob, Will, and Mike)
Like “Trick or Treat, Freak” where Will was able to confide in Mike about being stalked by the Mind Flayer in a way where he didn’t feel misunderstood or infantilized, we see that again with Mike where he’s able to help Will make sense of what’s going on with the Mind Flayer’s influence over him. Mike’s also able to see the other side of this situation: Whatever this hive mind is that Will’s connected to, Will now has access to it and all the information inside despite the Mind Flayer having access to him as well. It’s not that Mike is trying to make Will feel better with empty platitudes, but he is trying to reassure Will that there is a way this can be used to their advantage while giving Will a sense of control that he feels lacking in right now. It’s a genuinely sweet moment on Mike’s part (helped by Mike holding Will’s hand when he’s shaking), but he also turns out to be somewhat right: Will is able to be a spy against the Mind Flayer despite the Mind Flayer (apparently) using him as a spy. It reminds me of The First Shadow, and the relationship Patty Newby had with Henry/One/Vecna: At the time, Henry was still scared of his powers and the malicious growing influence the Mind Flayer had over him, and one of the ways he was able to counter it (however briefly) was through his relationship with Patty: She saw the positives in his abilities, and gave him a sense of stability and love that worked in making Henry’s situation manageable, if only for a short time. It wasn’t enough to prevent Henry’s descent into evil, but that’s hardly Patty’s fault: Like Mike, she was going with the information presented to her at the time, and there were things about the Mind Flayer that were beyond both Mike and Patty's understandings.
The question of how much control the Mind Flayer has over what Will sees and experiences comes up here again when Hopper disappears. Is Will knowing about Hopper’s location simply a by-product of being linked to the hive mind, or is the Mind Flayer allowing Will to see where Hopper is in the tunnels? We know from the next episode that the Mind Flayer was able to force Will (without anyone else knowing until it was too late) to lead soldiers from Hawkins Lab into a trap in the tunnels that got them all killed, so it makes me wonder if the Mind Flayer was capable of suppressing Hopper’s location in Will’s now-memories so that he wouldn’t be able to find him. Or maybe, since this is the first time the Mind Flayer has infected a human with its black particles, the Mind Flayer is finding out that its possession of Will comes with drawbacks: They share the same mind now, which means even if the Mind Flayer wanted to, it can’t close off its now-memories to Will, and Will knows what it knows when it knows it. That’s also including its intolerance to heat and fire. However, the flip side of this is maybe the Mind Flayer allowed Will to think he was in control by enabling him to see Hopper’s location, and then pulled the rug out from under Will at the end when it allowed him to feel the full pain of the tunnels being burned. The implication is that either it took some time for the Mind Flayer to fully settle into Will’s body and connect its pain receptors to his, or the Mind Flayer has been able to suppress the pain it’s felt over the constant burns Hawkins Lab has done to the Gate, but now wants Will to experience the pain from the burning of the tunnels to establish what’s going to happen to Will if they continue with that.
There is a part of me that wonders if the Mind Flayer’s reasons for possessing Will, despite possibly knowing the risks, was less motivated about using Will as a spy (which, as I explained in the last review, is something Vecna could have done for the Mind Flayer via remote-viewing without it having to possess Will at all) and more about using Will as insurance. It had to have known that the tunnels it created under Hawkins would eventually be discovered (even before Hopper found out about them), which would pose a major vulnerability. Hawkins Lab was already conducting burns at the Gate that the Mind Flayer had previously been forced to tolerate. Since the Lab wasn’t going to stop anytime soon, it had to find a way to force them to halt. And since it already had a connection with Will, it decides to use that to possess Will by infusing part of itself into him, and keep him as a hostage with a direct message to everyone present: Either the burns stop and the tunnels are left alone, or they stand the risk of killing Will. Yes, Will gets access to the hive mind, but from its perspective, it can strong-arm and bully Will into complicity, and even cause his mind to deteriorate as his consciousness is assimilated.
I know the Mind Flayer is perceived in the fandom as only operating under myopic thinking and having the mentality of a child that throws a temper-tantrum when things go wrong. While I think that’s true to some extent, it doesn’t mean it’s incapable of planning in the long-term or that it can’t learn from its mistakes. Its corruption of Henry/One/Vecna in The First Shadow took a significant amount of time, and it would only be decades later when the results showed. Likewise, in season 3, while its plan on the surface only appeared like it was only about revenge on El, we later discover it was about assimilating El’s powers so that Vecna could use them to open a bigger gate in season 4. It may not have succeeded in killing El, but it got what it wanted from her.
Likewise, I see the Mind Flayer operating through Will as an experiment on its part to see what it can do with Will, and if it’s capable of possessing humans with the same results as it possesses other creatures from the Upside Down. Humans have become its new Petri dish.
On top of that, there’s the way the Mind Flayer (and by extension, the Upside Down) has been compared to a virus that needs to spread. In a way, the Upside Down, with its Lovecraftian comparisons, reminds me of a huge body, with the Mind Flayer acting as the brain, the hive mind being a central nervous system, the demogorgons/demodogs/demo-creatures acting like white blood cells that kill foreign threats to the body. The fleshy design of the Gate and tears between worlds only emphasizes that. You kill the brain: You kill the whole body. Or at least that's how it appears.
Speaking of Lovecraftian comparison, one Lovecraft story that came to mind while I was watching this episode was “The Colour Out of Space.” There is the obvious difference of the meteorite from space causing the horrors in the story vs the Gate opening and unleashing the Upside Down on the world, but the parallels of an otherworldly substance spreading in a particular area that alters the environment in an abnormal way is hard to miss.
Told from the perspective of an unknown narrator recounting a tale from a local named Ammi Pierce, “The Colour Out of Space” takes place in New England near the town of Arkham in the 1880s and deals with Ammi’s account of an area known as “the blasted heath” and how it came to be. Ammi had originally been neighbors with a man named Nahum Gardner and his family, who were farmers in the area. One day, an odd meteorite from space crashed near Gardner’s well. Gardner told people in town about it, resulting in several professors taking samples of the meteor, leading to them discovering its abnormal qualities (like how Hawkins Lab takes samples of the soil and discovers how the Upside Down’s taint has altered the soil and its reaction to heat). There is a color within the meteorite that Ammi admits is “impossible to describe,” except to say that it was no color they’d ever seen in this world. Studying the substance in the labs yields frustrating results, and the attempts to put the meteor substance in beakers results in both the substance and beaker disappearing with nothing except a charred spot left behind. After a thunderstorm in which the meteorite appears to attract lightning, causing it to appear seemingly obliterated, it’s believed the phenomenon is over. However, over the course of multiple months, strange things begin to happen to the Gardner family and the land and animals they own. First, Gardner’s crops grow to “phenomenal size and unwonted gloss” but can’t be eaten because of how bitter and disgusting they taste, causing Nahum to believe the meteor poisoned the soil (similar to how the Upside Down spreading underneath Hawkins taints the ground for farmers like Eugene and Merrill, with the difference being the tunnels underneath immediately rotted the vegetation in their areas). Then, the animals in the area begin to take on abnormal mutations, and those animals who haven’t been exposed become frightened of the area near Gardner’s land. Then “skunk-cabbages” of monstrous size, “strange colours,” and “unprecedented odours” begin sprouting up. Eventually, other vegetation begins growing initially with the otherworldly colors before it turns “grey and brittle.” All the cows’ milk goes bad and all the livestock on the farm begin to undergo alterations that also leave them “grey and brittle” before they fall to pieces, the well where the meteor crashed has been poisoned by the substance, and to cap it all off, the Gardner family begins to experience physical and mental deterioration as insanity sets in and the family members begin to die one-by-one.
Just like with “the blasted heath” brought on by the meteorite and the grotesque changes to the environment around the Gardner’s land, the tunnels in the Upside Down have a very eldritch and repulsive presence that conveys that it shouldn’t be there, yet it is. When Hopper stumbles across the area with the dead animal carcasses, it reminds me of when Ammi brings the authorities to the Gardner house and they search the well near where the meteor hit………only to discover the skeletons of Merwin and Zenas Gardner (Nahum’s kids), as well as the bodies of a deer, a dog, and smaller animals with a slimy, bubbly ooze underneath. Even the connection Will has to the Mind Flayer (and the immense pain he experiences when the Lab tries to burn the tunnels) hearkens to a terrifying scene from Lovecraft’s story when Ammi confronts a decaying Nahum earlier in his house (who’s succumb to the influence of the meteorite’s substance) and brokenly warns Ammi about how it’s sucking the life out of him, his family, and the land. While we won’t be seeing a physical deterioration of Will, we will be seeing his mental deterioration over the next few episodes as the Mind Flayer takes hold. Both the Mind Flayer and the substance in the meteorite are intent on terraforming their environment to their liking, both are described as “evil” by those who encounter them, both suck the life out of everyone and everything unlucky to be in their path, and both intend to leave what they touch as a grey, decaying, desolate landscape. The difference is while the substance from the meteor eventually returns to space (with the most it destroys being five acres of land), the Mind Flayer has no intention of leaving and wants to turn this world into its own personal hellhole.
I’ll say this for the production team: They do an excellent job designing these tunnels. They are grotesque and nasty, like mold in the walls that you want to tear out and burn. The particles in the air look like floating asbestos.
Even the pods which spray the spores on Hopper hold parallels to the ones from the video game The Last of Us.
The spores exist underground, and both Hopper and Joel are forced to don masks to not get overwhelmed. The difference being the spores from The Last of Us can infect people with CBI (Cordyceps Brain Infection) that cause physical mutations which turn humans into monsters, and they come from deceased infected. Joel can’t ever breathe the spores without mutating. Meanwhile with Hopper, the spores knock him out briefly, but we don’t see the full physical effects of what they can do, especially after the Lab rescues Hopper and disinfects him in the next episode.
On a slightly humorous note, the scene of Hopper trying to dig himself out before briefly stopping and trying to light a cigarette before the vines wrapped around him was darkly amusing. I’m reminded of when our area was experiencing wildfires several years ago, where the skies were orange and ash was in the air. Still didn’t stop people from having a smoke outside to “calm their nerves” at the time.
I’ve seen a few comparisons between the scene where Hopper gets attacked by the vines and the infamous tree rape scene from The Evil Dead that Cheryl experiences in the haunted woods. Not sure I see the parallel too closely since the latter was more graphic, sexually charged, and about the demons in the woods inspiring terror and hopelessness, whereas the vines and pods in the tunnels act more as a defense mechanism against outside threats to it. If anything, there are better comparisons to the Indiana Jones film series: Hopper grabbing his hat the same way Indy refuses to leave his hat behind, Hopper keeping the vines and tendrils at bay with fire similar to how Indy used fire to keep away snakes within the Well of the Souls where the Ark of the Covenant resided, and Hopper’s escapades in the tunnels and attempts to escape being similar to the dangers Indy constantly faced underground when looking for historical artifacts.
A parallel that isn’t talked about as much, but was notable to me, was the tunnel of animal carcasses Joyce and Bob find Hopper in, and the scenes from The First Shadow when a younger Bob, Hopper, and Joyce were investigating the animal killings a young Henry Creel was carrying out in 1959. One grisly moment from that play which comes to mind is when Hopper and Bob had to dig up the mangled body of a dead cat. I know it’s been 25 years in the show’s timeline, but I wonder if this brought back those memories for the three of them.
Speaking of Bob, let’s talk about the movie Sean Astin debuted in that’s a big influence for this season: The Goonies.
Written by Chris Columbus based on a story from Steven Spielberg, The Goonies deals with several kids from Astoria, Oregon who, due to the threat of being kicked out of their houses to make way for a new country club, embark on an adventure to search for buried treasure after discovering a map and a 1632 doubloon coin in Mikey’s (played by Sean Astin) basement. Believing the treasure was left behind by the infamous pirate “One-Eyed Willy,” the group’s journey takes them underground as they deal with an assortment of traps and puzzles, all while being chased by an Italian crime family known as the Fratellis who also find out about the treasure and want it for themselves. The film has a very Indiana Jones vibe, but it plays it more for comedy and slapstick, albeit in a way that doesn’t go over-the-top at the expense of the story. It also puts emphasis on the titular “Goonies” and the relationships they share with each other as misfits, similar to the relationship the main characters (adults, teens, kids) share on Stranger Things as outcasts.
The Goonies was briefly acknowledged in season 1 (the scene of Dustin getting pudding from the cafeteria kitchen at the Middle School being a nod to when Chunk discovers a freezer of ice cream underneath the restaurant where one of the Fratellis dead victims resides), but season 2 is where the movie's story structure is featured more prominently, both in this episode and “The Gate.” Bob working out Will’s drawings as a map of Hawkins (one of those locations, Lover’s Lake, will make an appearance in season 4 as one of the areas where Vecna opens a gate) is a lot like how Mikey from the film works out the map and artifacts that act as clues leading them to the treasure. Chunk’s friendship with Sloth (the deformed brother of the Fratellis) echoing Dustin’s friendship with D’Art, right down to both Dustin and Chunk sharing chocolate bars with both D’Art and Sloth, which kickstarts their respective friendships. Bob’s cheeky reference to “buried treasure” at the X spot where Will sees Hopper. Even the rainy weather when Bob shows up with brainteasers for Will looks a lot like the Oregon overcast from that movie:
I know Joyce had no way of foreseeing the future, but there’s a part of me that wishes she hadn’t invited Bob inside and just stuck with turning him away. I’m glad they were able to find Hopper and rescue him before he died, but the moment Bob came inside and found out how Will’s drawings worked was the moment his fate was sealed. I know Randy Havens, who plays Scott Clarke, joked about how he was glad Mr. Clarke never found out about the Upside Down because it would probably result in his life expectancy dropping. Unfortunately, that’s what happened with Bob. I’m sure that’ll also be the case for the remaining residents of Hawkins in season 5 who either didn’t leave or were unable to now that Vecna’s created a bigger and lasting gate. If these people didn’t know about the Upside Down before, they inevitably will now.
Part 2: Nancy, Jonathan, and Murray
I know for the longest time there’s been this sentiment in the fandom that the issues Jonathan and Nancy have in their relationship have been contrivances by the Duffer Brothers. While I may have initially believed that at the time, rewatching this show again has given me a different perspective which has resulted in two conclusions:
Many of the problems Nancy and Jonathan experience with one another originated in season 1, and have been issues that have been brushed to the side by the characters whenever the threat of the Upside Down resurfaces. Which brings me to #2…..
There are fundamental personality differences with Nancy and Jonathan that have driven a lot of their actions and choices.
Jonathan’s always been closed off to others outside of his family. He’s admitted to not liking most people (as we heard in his argument with Nancy in “The Flea and the Acrobat”), and Jonathan being involved in any kind of relationship (platonic, romantic, or otherwise) would mean him being willing to invest emotionally. We have seen subtle changes with this outlook, both with his relationship with Nancy in seasons 2-3, and his friendship with Argyle in season 4, but those have been rarities and framed more as exceptions to the rule. And even those relationships have come with asterisks attached: Considering Eduardo Franco may not be coming back for season 5, it’s likely we won’t see Argyle again since he’ll be returning to Lenora, and the Byers are incapable of going home at this point since El is a fugitive and their house in Lenora has been compromised, meaning that friendship either didn’t last or got put on hold. As for his relationship with Nancy by the time season 4 concludes, it’s on thin-ice, which isn’t helped by the fact he’s still lying to her about his college application letter. It’s starting to get to a point where there’s a serious question about whether Jonathan is still committed to this relationship.
Jonathan prioritizing Will once he got back from the Upside Down and not pursuing a relationship with Nancy made sense at the time (and still does). He may have gotten to know Nancy a bit better over the course of that week in season 1, but that doesn’t mean he was ready to commit to a full-time relationship with her. Add in the fact this kind of relationship would have been a first for him, his concerns about Will’s state and Will needing support after the trauma he went through, Nancy moving on after a month (which Jonathan may have been sore about, but didn’t make any attempt to stop from happening), and the entire mess with Steve (who, regardless of how he acted at the theater, did come through for them and saved their lives), and Jonathan returned to what he was familiar with: Taking care of his family.
Same thing goes for Nancy: I’ve said before that her returning to Steve wasn’t just about wanting to give the relationship another chance, but also about how (aside from Jonathan) Steve was the only other person her age that she could talk to about Barbara. And it’s not like Nancy took Steve back with open arms either: Her waiting a month for Jonathan before going back to Steve indicates she didn’t just magically forgive Steve for how he acted beforehand, and that Steve had to put in the work to show he was a different person. I have issues with her continuing to be in the relationship with Steve long after it became clear to her that she didn’t love him anymore, but not with her wanting to try again with that relationship.
Nancy’s always had a take-charge attitude that contrasts both Steve and Jonathan’s hesitations about the things they do. She knows what she wants when she wants it, and she’s not going to let other people deter her, or wait for everyone to be on the same page as her. We saw that with Nancy’s decision to take her relationship with Steve to the next level in season 1 despite Barbara’s concerns about that. We saw it when she believed something bad happened to Barbara following her disappearance, and her dismissal of Steve’s initial self-absorbed reaction to that or the bullshit cover story put out about Barbara running away. We saw that with her determination to hold Hawkins Lab responsible this season, which she was going to do with or without Steve or Jonathan. Even in season 3, when she was putting up with her sexist co-workers, she was still determined to get a story and make a career for herself that didn’t just extend to pouring coffee for the men, which contrasted with Jonathan’s desire to keep his head low so he would still have his job. It’s not just about Nancy being a fighter; she doesn’t have the patience to wait for people who are either hemming and hawing, or else trying to put roadblocks in the direction she wants to go.
So when I look at Nancy’s upset reaction in this episode to Jonathan’s insinuation that she didn’t wait long enough for him, I kind of get where she’s coming from: How long was she supposed to wait for Jonathan? It’s the same question I have regarding where Jonathan and Nancy’s relationship is by the end of season 4: How long is Nancy expected to wait for Jonathan while he makes up his mind about what he wants to do with his life, or if he even wants to continue this relationship with Nancy?
There’s an irony in how Jonathan is described in Beyond Stranger Things as one of the most self-aware characters on the show, especially in comparison to Steve who’s still trying to figure himself out. By season 4, that has been reversed: Jonathan is the one who’s become indecisive and is burying his head in the sand (or if we’re being literal: the purple palm tree delight) whereas Steve has gained self-awareness and is starting to figure out what he wants to do with his life. I don’t see that as contrived or out-of-character either: Steve’s experiences and brushes with death have forced him to do some serious introspection about the kind of person he wants to be, and how things he might have considered important (like popularity) are superficial and don’t mean much in the grand scheme of things. Meanwhile, Jonathan’s closed-off personality and reluctance to have any kind of relationships outside of his family may have helped him in the short-term, especially in not being sucked into the petty bullshit of high school, but in the long-term, it’s isolated him and led to maladaptive ways of dealing with his problems when things go wrong. That’s also including how he’s projected Joyce’s relationship with Lonnie (which was a shitshow) and his insecurities onto his relationship with Nancy. The conversation he has with Argyle in the junk yard in season 4 only highlights this.
I don’t know where Jonathan and Nancy’s relationship will go in season 5, but considering it takes place a year and a half after season 4 ends, that leads me to one of three conclusions: Either Jonathan continued lying to Nancy about his acceptance to Emerson college during that time, or else made excuses about why he won’t attend while trying to hold on to his relationship with Nancy (which doesn’t make him look sympathetic), Jonathan’s finally gotten his shit together by the time season 5 starts and has committed fully to his relationship with Nancy, or Nancy and Jonathan have broken up by the time season 5 premieres. Either way, I don’t see Nancy waiting a year and a half for Jonathan if he continues to be indecisive.
Then we get to Jonathan and Nancy meeting Murray (which briefly puts their relationship issues on hold) while they work out the kinks in their plan to bring Hawkins Lab down:
One of the movies Brett Gelman has cited as inspiration for Murray’s character, and is even reflected in the tone surrounding the attempt to expose Hawkins Lab, is a 1974 political conspiracy thriller known as The Parallax View.
Based on a book that came out in the 70s following the JFK and Robert F. Kennedy assassinations (and all the crazy conspiracy theories that originated from those events), The Parallax View was directed by Alan J. Pakula (who also directed All The President’s Men, another political thriller that was cited as inspiration for Murray's character) and stars Warren Beatty as a newspaper reporter named Joseph Frady. Frady becomes entangled in a conspiracy after his ex-girlfriend, Lee Carter, witnesses a political assassination in Seattle of an independent candidate for president named Charles Carroll, and comes to believe she’s being targeted along with several other people who may have seen something during the assassination that they weren’t supposed to. After she dies under mysterious circumstances, Frady realizes she may have been telling the truth, and begins to search for others who were there during the Carroll assassination. What follows is Frady having a target put on his back, and becoming entangled with a mysterious corporation known as Parallax that recruits psychopaths and antisocial individuals to use as pawns in carrying out political assassinations. After he is presumed dead in a bombing that was meant to kill the last witness to the Carroll assassination, Frady decides to go undercover as a potential recruit for Parallax to unmask the corporation and thwart future assassination attempts.
While I’m not a fan of conspiracy thrillers in general, I’ll admit the movie is well-made, induces a sense of paranoia, has an eerie musical score, and highlights the theme of how powerful corporations have the money, influence, and resources to get away with things the ordinary person would be hard-pressed to pull off. The scene from the previous episode of Nancy and Jonathan in the park when they see people acting suspiciously and realizing they’re from Hawkins Lab is reminiscent of the movie where Frady is being watched from a distance, and anyone he encounters could be an agent ready to kill him. There’s a sense the main characters in both the movie and the show are in way over their heads. In Frady’s case, Parallax acts a lot like a cult isolating individuals, grooming them to become pawns, and then callously disposing of them once they’ve served their purpose. Frady bit off more than he could chew.
When Murray points out to Nancy and Jonathan that the moment someone with an ounce of authority calls bullshit and people jump to agree with it because they don’t want to see what’s behind the curtain, it echoes how The Parallax View opens up and how it ends: A Congressional Committee claiming that these assassinations are simply the work of unhinged lone gunmen who acted on their own, that there’s no reason to suspect any broader conspiracy, and that all the “evidence��� conveniently provided by the Committee will support this. Case Closed.
There’s a very real chance Hawkins Lab would’ve done the same thing had Nancy decided to go public with the tape in its current iteration, which is why Murray insisted it needed to be watered down into a scandal that was familiar to people and couldn’t be ignored: A chemical leak. A story about psychokinetic kids and other interdimensional worlds? People would have just assumed whoever spewed that was a crackpot. A scandal that could potentially impact the community of Hawkins? People would pay attention to that. It does make me wonder though why Murray didn’t take this approach with Hopper at the beginning of season 2 when he was claiming there was a full-scale invasion of Hawkins by Russians, but it’s possible he learned from his mistake there and doesn’t want Nancy and Jonathan to repeat what he did.
There was an arc on the now-finished House of Cards series that parallels how Murray gets the story of Hawkins Lab out to the public: In that show, following Frank Underwood’s rise to power after killing several people and pulling a bunch of Machiavellian maneuvers to ascend to the Presidency, the former editor-in-chief for The Washington Herald named Tom Hammerschmidt begins an investigation to Frank following one of Tom’s proteges, Lucas, attempting to assassinate Frank because of his role in the death of Lucas’s friend and crush, Zoe Barnes. It’s ambiguous whether Tom believes Frank killed anyone, but what he does know is that trying to form a story from that angle will just make him seem like a conspiracy nut. Instead, he starts looking into the web of corruption, political backstabbings, and backdoor deals Frank engaged in to obtain power. It’s tedious work, and it involves getting several people to open to Tom about how Frank manipulated them, but it does pay off, and it causes Frank to panic when the story is published. Frank is already unpopular with a lot of people (who have been around him long enough to see through his false charm), and while he might have been able to starve off accusations of murder by pointing out how ludicrous they sound, accusations of corruption are a different matter: People have come to expect that from politicians the same way people have come to expect contamination in the environment from Government facilities and corporations.
On a semi-related note, what’s genuinely insidious about today’s culture, and transcends the search for truth that shows like Stranger Things and House of Cards highlighted, is that we now live in a world where people like Trump, Vladimir Putin, and other powerful figures have popularized the idea that truth no longer matters even when it’s exposed. It’s barely a case of covering scandals up as opposed to the naked corruption we’re seeing play out while people in authority either gaslight and claim that it’s not happening, or else thumb their noses and essentially say “It doesn’t matter because there’s nothing you can do about it.” Not helping the matter are the useful idiots, conspiracy nuts, and the political-leaning media who either go along with it, or proceed to destroy their credibility in a huge way. Even if they are being truthful in that specific moment, it becomes irrelevant in the face of the standards they’ve broken before. It’s why you see people swallow propaganda wholeheartedly. I remember all those years ago Trump saying he could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and not lose any voters. I would take it further than that, and argue that Trump could straight-up force himself on a woman in the middle of Fifth Avenue with witnesses present, and not only would he NOT lose supporters, they (along with the right-winged media) would bend over backwards to either deny the rape took place, or else victim-blame the woman for the situation she was in. For those who think I’m being hyperbolic, I have seen plenty of people in the past year and a half (including on Tumblr) who’ve gleefully denied that mass rapes and sexual assaults took place, or else resorted to victim-blaming and whataboutisms when testimonies and evidence came to light. This isn’t just limited to the Right. I’ve seen this behavior from Leftists who still maintain they’re morally good people despite that. This is the world we live in now.
On a final note regarding Murray, for all of his flaws and pretensions, I like how he works with Nancy in creating this cover story and doesn’t look down on her the same way Bruce, Tom, and the other sexist assholes at The Hawkins Post from season 3 did. Murray sees Nancy’s potential as a journalist/reporter, and while he does call her out for being naïve, it’s not rooted in misogyny, but about getting her to think critically and look outside the box. I know Murray gives off antisocial vibes and isn’t much of a people’s person, but I’m curious about what Nancy being an intern for Murray would have looked like. She certainly would have learned a lot more from Murray about journalism compared to her humiliating job at The Hawkins Post.
Part 3: El, Becky, and Terry
The revelation about what happened to Terry Ives remains just as horrifying and depressing as when I first saw this episode. The only bright spot in this storyline was when the trucker driver dropped off El at Terry’s house. It reminds me of the conversation El will later have with that woman on the bus in “The Lost Sister” when she returns to Hawkins. It’s small, but after how much season 4 emphasized people at their absolute worst (both with Angela and the Rink-O-Mania crowd in Lenora, and Jason whipping up the Hawkins residents into a witch hunt against the Hellfire Club), it’s a nice reminder that there are decent, kind people in this world who aren’t looking to take advantage of others. Becky is also one of those people.
I didn’t talk much about Becky when I reviewed “The Monster,” but I honestly feel bad for her. I get she didn’t initially believe her sister about El being stolen (or even alive), but considering the lengths Hawkins Lab has undergone to manipulate and gaslight others to cover their tracks, I don’t blame Becky for taking her initial position. Add in the break-in to Hawkins Lab where Terry got her brain fried, and then the Lab likely bringing Terry back to Becky with a distorted story about Terry snapping and killing a guard (which we don’t know if Terry did; she shot the guard, but it’s ambiguous if he actually died or if Brenner was lying through his teeth) and how she needed to be under constant care, and Becky likely went along with it for Terry’s sake and her own. Becky isn’t a useful idiot like so many people out there who regurgitate disinformation and would rather drink bleach before they ever admit they were wrong. She’s someone who’s trying to survive, and who loves her sister and wants to take care of her. At the end of the day, just like Terry, Becky was just another pawn in a much bigger game to be used by Hawkins Lab. Which makes what happened even more tragic.
It's telling that, despite not initially believing Terry, Becky never made any attempt to take down the room Terry set up for El. If anything, it looks like Becky’s kept it clean since it isn’t collecting dust. Considering that she’s been Terry’s caregiver for 10 years as she’s mentally deteriorated (Terry broke into the Lab in 1974, as makeup artist for the show, Amy L. Forsythe, confirmed), that’s significant in regards to the love Becky has for Terry.
Also, anyone notice the picture of the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland on the wall? Some of the BTS photos for season 5 not only featured a picture from the book, but also included a picture of Holly Wheeler in what looked like Alice’s iconic blue and white dress. They’re hinting at the idea that either the book, or plots elements from the book, will play a role in the final season. Maybe the picture of the Whit Rabbit is just there for set decoration in this scene, but considering how they’ve mentioned story elements planned out in season 2 will factor into season 5, it makes me wonder if Terry and Becky might come back for the final season. 🤔
Getting back to Becky, once it becomes clear that El is who she says she is, she’s not only quick to believe her, but also do what she can for El in the moment. Even her comment about how Terry never gave up on El was sweet, if sad. I only wish Becky’s hope that Terry was in a good dream, as opposed to the hellish repetitive nightmare she’s trapped in, was true.
Speaking of Terry, while the first two seasons leaned heavily on the idea that MKUltra’s experiments with different drugs like LSD were responsible for Terry having special abilities (something the non-canon tie-in novel Suspicious Minds also ran with), we know at this point from season 4 and The First Shadow that Vecna’s altered blood was responsible. I don’t see this as a retcon though. I wouldn’t be surprised if Terry, while pregnant with El, was secretly injected with Vecna’s blood during one of the LSD trips she had during the experiment. The drugs MKUltra administered during these specific experiments could have either been a cover on Brenner’s part, or a way to enhance those abilities in individuals once the altered blood worked its way into the systems of those injected.
There is a question about who got administered Vecna’s blood during the experiments. While Suspicious Minds (as I’ve said) is non-canon, one of the ideas from that book the show runs with is that the reason Brenner raised and trained kids with these abilities, as opposed to adults, is because not only were they easier to manipulate and control, but young kids born were a “blank slate” who hadn’t been exposed to outside influences yet, which gave them more room for their powers to develop without being inhibited. It’s why Hawkins Lab was designed as a prison isolated from the outside world, it’s why Brenner (aside from a few loyal orderlies and scientists) oversaw these kids, and it’s why their education was only limited to the development of their powers. He didn’t want any distractions.
All of this makes me wonder about the extent of the testing of Vecna’s blood that Brenner did on adults, and what results those yielded. Even with Terry, she appears limited in what she can do with her powers, and it’s ambiguous how much of that is due to Brenner frying her brain, or if factors like age, memories, and establish background contribute to how much Vecna’s blood in Terry’s system can exert itself. For what it’s worth, the Duffer Brothers have hinted at the idea of exploring this more in season 5 when they talked about Henry/One/Vecna:
DEADLINE: Did Dr. Martin Brenner not know that this kid killed his family and framed his father, or did this kid’s sociopathic potential offer Brenner an opportunity to really mold a weapon without a conscience? MATT DUFFER: The second, really. He knew what this kid did and also what he was capable of when he was young. Brenner’s going, how can I mold this character, but not just into a weapon? That’s really how he sold it to the government, but for him as a scientist, it’s like, what other worlds can this kid show me about how our universe works? So, he’s really just that scientist who’s not really thinking about the consequences. He just keeps pushing, pushing, pushing, and he’s using the government’s money by saying hey we can fight the Soviets with this kid. It’s something we will get into in Season 5. What happened to that program once Henry became involved and how Brenner evolved it into including multiple kids. We’re going to go back and see some of that in Season 5.
If the program “evolved,” then it stands to reason that Brenner, being a scientist, likely tested Vecna’s blood on adult participants, and not just women who were pregnant with kids. If so, what happened to those adult participants? Considering we haven’t seen any yet (not counting Terry), that makes me assume the worst.
The experiments conducted on Terry, which resulted in El’s developing her abilities, hearkens to the plot of Stephen King’s Firestarter. We saw nods to this book (and its 1984 movie) in the first season, both with the experiments El does for Brenner paralleling the experiments The Shop puts Charlie McGee through to test her pyrokinetic abilities, as well as how El and Charlie are forced to go on the run from Government agents who are after them.
Like El, Charlie has powers she was born with because of experiments done on their parents (or in El’s case, only her mother). Charlie’s parents, Victoria and Andrew McGee, were part of an experiment by The Shop called “Lot 6,” which was a chemical compound administered to 10 participants, including them. Lot 6 itself was described to the participants as a “hypnotic mild hallucinogenic,” but it was actually a synthetic copy of pituitary extract, a powerful painkiller hallucinogen that could bring out psionic abilities in a person. Victoria developed telepathy whereas Andrew developed the ability to “push” people via mind control (though at the cost of him developing brain hemorrhages that caused nosebleeds, similar to what El experiences when she uses her powers). The remaining 8 participants in that experiments were driven mad (one guy graphically gouged his eyes out) and committed suicide. For the remaining parents, it doesn’t end well: Victoria is killed by The Shop whereas Andrew dies towards the end via a gunshot to the neck. In El’s case, her mom has been rendered catatonic and her father’s fate is (canonically) unknown.
In any case, the suicide and madness of the remaining participants in Firestarter makes me wonder if that’s what happened to any adult participants who were possibly given Vecna’s blood before Brenner decided on children as the best subjects: Maybe Vecna’s blood administered to adults created problems like that. This is all speculation though, and it remains to be seen if the Duffer Brothers go with this angle for season 5 or not.
On a side note: A big reason I’ve brought up these references and inspirations in these reviews isn’t just because of the nods and homages the Duffer Brothers make to these books, movies, music, or TV shows. It’s to illustrate that the Duffer Brothers understand the themes and concepts these media references were trying to convey while providing their own takes with their own original story. If this was simply shallow parody, or shout-outs to references without understanding the context behind them, or even copy-and-paste like something AI Generated, I wouldn’t have any interest in Stranger Things, or even want to talk about it. Much like how George Lucas took inspiration from other works for Star Wars, or even J.R.R. Tolkien took inspiration from history and mythology to craft The Lord of the Rings, that’s what the Duffer Brothers have done with Stranger Things. They honor what inspired their work while also adding their own social commentary and signature style.
Finally, there’s Terry’s current state. Talk about a fate worse than death.
I remember seeing the first season of Jessica Jones, and how part of the way she dealt with her PTSD and trauma at the hands of Kilgrave was by reciting street names from her neighborhood to keep herself grounded during her panic attacks. I wonder if that’s what was going on with Terry when she repeats the same words over and over: Breathe. Sunflower. Rainbow Room. Three to the Right. Four to the Left. Four-Fifty. Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT), which is what Brenner administered to Terry, can create memory loss, and her reciting those particular words may have been a last desperate attempt to hold on to those specific memories. I question how many times Brenner administered ECT to Terry besides what was shown onscreen. That’s not even getting into what else he may have done besides ECT to destroy Terry’s cognitive abilities.
This event, on top of everything else he’s done, is a big reason I consider Brenner irredeemable. It’s also why I was beyond disgusted with the Brenner apologists who came out when season 4 aired and either downplayed the severity of Brenner’s crimes, or proceeded to victim-blame El and Terry for what happened to them.
Just like with the fans who bent over backwards to pretend Billy’s racism towards Lucas wasn’t a thing, the same can be said for these idiots who justify Brenner’s behavior and unironically claim he’s a good man as opposed to the manipulative sociopath who destroyed other people’s lives, was responsible (along with the Mind Flayer) for driving Henry/One/Vecna to become evil, and was the cause for most (if not all) of the problems the main characters face. I get that fandoms aren’t a monolith, and there will always be a minority of yahoos out there who defend vile characters (wait until I talk about the Angela apologists from season 4), but shit like this makes me question the IQs of fans, as well as whether these people are serious, trolling, or operating in bad faith. Either way, it doesn’t nothing to improve my respect for the fandom.
Finally, there’s this tidbit about previous ideas that were abandoned for season 2: Initially, after El visited Terry, the writers had planned for El to mercy kill Terry as a way of putting Terry out of her misery, given what her condition had become and the mental hell she was trapped in. I still remember how many fans were outraged over this revelation, and questioning what the hell the Duffer Brothers were thinking. Maybe this is because I come from a different generation with a different perspective, but I can see what the thought process was behind this idea: I’ve made this clear to members of my family that if I was ever reduced to a literal brain-dead, vegetative state where I couldn’t move or talk, and either conscious but unable to do anything about it or forever trapped in my mind, I would want the plug pulled on me. If it’s a choice for me between being reduced to that kind of state or death, I choose death. Given what’s happened to Terry, I would argue death seems like a much kinder option compared to the hell she’s currently living. However, El mercy killing her would have to be contingent on Terry giving El consent to do that, as opposed to El doing it without consulting her. Though there is the question of whether Terry can give consent in her mental state right now. Either way, I don’t think this is as outrageous as fans have made it out to be, and I wouldn’t have held it against El if she had done that with Terry's permission.
Part 4: Dustin, D’Art, and Steve
I will always love that small detail of Dustin’s mom being a Mondale/Ferraro supporter. We know the Wheelers supported Regan, as did the Hargroves as revealed in Runaway Max. Makes me wonder who the Sinclairs supported. I didn’t see a political sign in their front yard, but given their portrayal on the show and in Lucas on the Line, I’d imagine they’d be Mondale/Ferraro supporters as well. Although who knows?
Poor Ms. Henderson. The show doesn’t go into this, but I’d have to imagine she must have found out later that Mews died. Dustin likely didn’t tell her about what really happened (and I seriously doubt Dustin dug up the grave he made for Mews to prove to his mom that Mews was dead), but I'm not convinced he’d continue letting her believe Mews was somewhere out there. I reckon there was some kind of cover story involved later that was sad, but would allow Ms. Henderson to move on. In any case, Dustin needed her out of the house while he dealt with D’Art, so I get why he lied in that moment about Mews being in Loch Nora.
It's once again notable that, despite sensing Dustin was nearby, D’Art doesn’t attack him until Dustin knocks him into the basement with his hockey stick. Mostly, D’Art just ate the meat Dustin put out for him, and stared at the shed where Dustin was hiding, likely wondering what the hell Dustin was doing. I’m curious whether Dustin trying the “trained dog” approach would have worked in getting D’Art to obey him, but there’s also the Mind Flayer’s influence to factor in. While D’Art will overcome that by “The Gate,” it’s left unknown whether he would have been able to do that if the Mind Flayer “activated” him while D’Art was still in Dustin’s house. Dustin putting him in the basement was likely the best call.
Like I said in my review of “The Pollywog,” people are going to say that Dustin’s decision to keep D’Art despite Mike’s insistence that they get rid of him was stupid and had horrible repercussions, and that is true. However, I understand the emotional component of Dustin’s attachment to D’Art, as well as his scientific interest in the demodog, and it’s clear that Dustin never had any intention of hurting anyone. That’s also including how a 13 year old boy isn’t exactly at peak maturity (regardless of how intelligent Dustin is) and will occasionally make bonehead choices like everyone else at that age has.
Anyways, poor Dustin is left calling for help with little success. Erica certainly wasn’t helpful, but in her defense, she’s not in the loop yet about the Upside Down and just thinks it’s another one of her brother’s “nerd” games. That’s also including how Lucas was at Palace Arcade at the time and didn’t have his walkie-talkie. The Wheelers weren’t exactly helpful either.
I know Dustin’s exasperated claim that the Wheeler’s phone has been busy for over 2 hours is meant to be funny, but I just keep thinking how much Karen and Ted have stopped caring about trying to make their relationship work. Karen is on the phone because she’d rather talk to anyone else besides Ted, and can’t even keep track of where her kids are (Nancy told her in the last episode she was spending the night at Stacey’s, not Ally’s) and Ted displays a general sense of apathy that’s off-putting to everyone around him. I even question why he’s still in this relationship with Karen. He’s never shown any interest in his kids or what their hobbies/interests are, and there really isn’t any genuine effort on his part to bond with them or try to fix his relationship with his wife. Yes, Karen has her flaws (wait until we talk about the hideously inappropriate hookup she almost had with Billy), but there’s at least some effort to remain open with her kids and indulge their hobbies. Ted doesn’t look like he’s ever tried.
The reason I bring this up is because I question where this is going. They’ve dragged out this arc with Ted and Karen’s loveless relationship for 4 seasons now. The only way I can see this ending is in divorce because there isn’t anything keeping these two together other than the kids. I know Ted’s apathy has been played for comedy on the show, and while there have been some amusing moments with it, it stopped being funny a while ago. It doesn’t help that it comes off like the show (and by extension, The First Shadow) have drawn some…………uncomfortable parallels between Ted and Steve. Maybe I’m reading too much into this, but I think back to that argument Nancy and Jonathan had in the woods in “The Flea and the Acrobat” and Jonathan’s comments about Nancy “marrying some boring one-time jock who now works sales and lives out a perfectly little life at the end of a cul-de-sac.” The comment was more-or-less a snipe at Steve (and Nancy’s relationship with Steve) at the time, but it also tied into what Nancy had told Jonathan about her parents marriage. Doesn’t help that The First Shadow reveals Ted was a one-time jock who got held back in school, and was more interested in making-out with Karen than anything else, which somewhat echoes the way Steve started (minus the part about him getting held back). Like I said in that review, one the sexual component dried up, there weren’t any other factors keeping Karen and Ted together beyond their marriage.
I wonder if the parallels are meant to emphasize what Ted could be if he gave a shit. Steve has his flaws, but the biggest difference between him and Ted is that Steve likes kids. He’s talked about wanting “six little nuggets” to raise on the road, and the idea of fatherhood is something Steve has expressed enthusiasm for, compared to how Ted resents it. That’s also including how Steve’s been genuinely invested in his friendship with Dustin, and by extension the rest of the Party, from season 2 onward. He values those relationships, unlike Ted. Regardless, I hope the parallel isn’t meant to emphasize the idea that Steve’s future will look be like Ted’s if he becomes a father and turns unhappy as a result. Not only would that be a depressing and nihilistic way to end Steve’s arc, but I’d imagine most fans would riot in rage if that were to happen. I’m not too worried because I believe the Duffer Brothers are smarter than that, and will give Steve an ending worthy of his character, but still………
Finally, there’s Steve’s brief appearance in this episode. It’s nice seeing his growth here where, instead of jumping to assumptions when Tommy tells him about Nancy running off with Jonathan, his response is to show up with flowers, an apology, and a desire to talk with her. It’s too late at this point for him to try and fix their relationship, but it’s not too late for him to help Dustin. It calls back to what happened at the end of season 1 when Steve showed up with the intention of apologizing to Jonathan, but ended up helping in a bigger way by coming to Nancy and Jonathan’s aid against the Demogorgon.
Also, given how things work out between them, am I the only one who thinks of this scene from Casablanca when Steve goes with Dustin?
Good times!
Part 5: Lucas and Max
I’ve said this before in previous reviews, but I appreciate the change they made to Lucas’s family. Putting aside how we didn’t need another deadbeat and/or abusive father on this show, or another broken marriage for that matter, Charles and Sue have a nice relationship, and they act as pillars of stability for both Lucas and Erica. The show has implied this, and it’s spelled out in Lucas on the Line, but a lot of Lucas’s upbringing has helped protect him from the uglier aspects of racism and bigotry for most of his childhood. His parents were a major factor in this, as both Charles and Sue had undergone their own horrific experiences and were determined to make sure their kids were shielded from that as much as possible. This also extends towards Lucas’s friends: Regardless of their flaws, they would go through hell or high water for Lucas, and they’ve never discriminated against Lucas for being black. Even with Max in this episode and the next, while Lucas hasn’t met Billy yet and doesn’t know what Billy truly thinks of him yet, Max does and is determined to protect Lucas from her step-brother. This doesn’t mean Lucas hasn’t ever experienced racism (we saw that with Troy and James’s taunts towards Lucas in season 1, Billy’s behavior in season 2 come the season finale, and the experiences he goes through in Lucas on the Line), but he does have people looking out for him.
I loved seeing Lucas’s character development in this episode. Not just from taking his father’s advice about how to fix things between him and Max, but his general attitude about including new people into the group compared to how he initially acted with El in season 1. There’s likely some regret there given what he thinks happened to El, and there’s also the fact Lucas has a crush on Max (similar to Mike’s crush on El), but he is genuine about what he’s doing with Max here in letting her in on the Party’s secrets, which resonates with Max even as she leaves still skeptical of his tale. There is a little of the dramatic flair on Lucas’s end with how he tells the story, but it is grounded in sincerity. It’s also darker in hindsight when he asks Max whether she accepts the risks. As of season 4, we know how that turned out.
One of the movies that gets referenced several times (and came out in 1984, same year that this season takes place in) is The Karate Kid. Max mentions to El in season 3 having a celebrity crush of Ralph Macchio (who plays Daniel LaRusso in the film), and Lucas’s costume design, both with the bandanas he wears and his shirt in season 3, is a nod to that movie (as well as Lucas being aware of Max’s celebrity crush and wearing the shirt to impress her).
In the vein of this season, I see a lot of parallels between Lucas and Daniel in that both are fighters. While both can be hot-headed, they are loyal and care deeply about others. The scene with Lucas at Palace Arcade opening up to Max reminds me of the scene where (after a humiliating scenario at a country club) Daniel makes up with Ali Mills, his then-love interest, at “Golf ‘N’ Stuff” (a mix between an arcade, a water park, and a miniature golf course). Even the scene in the season finale of Lucas getting one over on Billy by kneeing him in the groin reminds me of Daniel finally standing up to Johnny Lawrence at the tournament and knocking Johnny’s clock clean with the crane kick.
And then there’s Max: Her initial reaction to Lucas’s story (as well as Lucas getting Keith to have Max meet him in a back room) is probably the reaction I would have had in that situation, especially if I thought my chain was being yanked. While she doesn’t completely believe Lucas (since he doesn’t have any proof to offer her yet), she realizes that, even if his story sounds ludicrous, he believes it, and isn’t joking when he tells her that speaking about this out-loud will get them killed.
There is a shout-out to the Mad Max series with Keith’s nickname of Road Warrior for Max (showing Max’s reputation in the arcade is well-known at this point), but there’s another movie that came to mind that isn’t directly referenced, but parallels Max’s story (and came out in 1984): The Last Starfighter.
Directed by Nick Castle (the same Nick Castle who played Michael Myers in John Carpenter’s Halloween), The Last Starfighter centers around a young man named Alex Rogan who works as maintenance in a trailer park community. Not having many prospects in his life, or being able to afford college, his downtime is spent on an arcade game in the trailer park called Starfighter. One evening, he manages to beat the game’s record, resulting in a mysterious figure named Centauri arriving and taking Alex with him. As it turns out, Centauri is an alien working for the Star League, and the arcade game was a recruitment tool for Starfighters against the Ko-Dan Empire, who are planning a galactic conquest. Initially freaked out by the prospect, Alex at first rejects becoming a starfighter, but after the Ko-Dan’s attack on Rylos (where the Starfighter base is) and being warned that the Ko-Dan will eventually reach Earth and destroy everyone he ever loved, Alex (with the help of an alien mentor named Grig) embraces his role as “the last starfighter” and must use his knowledge of the game to defeat the Ko-Dan.
One of the themes shared between Max and Alex (aside from both being forced to live in a trailer park community) is mastery of arcade games to escape the problems in their lives. In Alex’s case, the game is one of the few things he had to look forward to that isn’t a reminder of his dead-end prospects, whereas Max works to beat the highest scores at the Arcade as a means of dealing with the utter hell her homelife is under Neil and Billy. In both cases, it’s about getting some kind of control over their lives. Unlike with Billy’s, whose desire to become King of Hawkins High School is rooted in compensating for the lack of control he has under Neil while not giving a shit about how vicious he is in achieving that goal, neither Max nor Alex are mean-spirited about their ways of coping, and it leads to changes for the better: Alex finds a purpose in his life and is able to break free, whereas Max finds companionship via Lucas and people whom she can develop friendships with.
Speaking of Billy, his scenes are brief in this episode (Thank God!) but his hypocrisy still sticks out like mold in the shower. It’s apparently okay when he is nasty towards Max or threatens to leave her to skate home, but it’s not okay in his mind for Max to have any “attitude” towards him. 🙄 I’m reminded of a particular Reddit user named u/grandequesso who’s both a bully and a vile person towards anyone she doesn’t like or deems to be “SJW-ish” (not even gonna get into her support for Trump). She’s had a history of belittling others for years on Reddit and telling them to “calm down” in the most condescending manner possible, but if someone ever tells her that, she has a come-apart. Just like with Billy, the lack of self-awareness is breathtaking. 😒
As for the scene where Billy picks Max up and confronts her about interacting with Lucas……the ominous music in that moment combined with Billy’s words (“Well, you know what happens when you lie”), as well as Max insisting beforehand that Lucas shouldn’t follow her outside for his safety, should be a pretty clear indicator that Billy doesn’t have Max’s best interests in mind. This was never about protecting her. This was about control. And racism. I have no patience for fans who’ve drunk the Kool-Aid and want to pretend otherwise.
Finally, I’ll talk a little about Keith despite him being a minor character: I seriously doubt that date with Nancy ever happened since she gets together with Jonathan in the next episode. We don’t really know much about Keith beyond what the Duffer Brothers have said about his lack of maturity compared to the boys, but the fact he’s shown working at Palace Arcade and then later at the Video Rental Store in season 3 implies that either he works double jobs, or Palace Arcade got shut-down prior to the end of season 3. In any case, I think that resentment of not getting a date with Nancy transferred over to Steve when he came to apply for a job at the Video Rental Store, and why he initially turned Steve down. I’ve seen speculation that Steve may have bullied Keith in the past, but there isn’t a lot of evidence to support that claim. I’ve discussed this before, but from what I’ve seen in the show (and even the tie-ins), while Steve was insensitive and self-absorbed prior to the end of season 1, he didn’t engage in the kind of malicious bullying that characters like Billy and Angela did. Steve's instances of antagonism towards Jonathan in season 1 were motivated by specific circumstances, but weren’t established as a constant pattern of behavior for him the same way Angela’s cruelty towards El was implied to have been going on for MONTHS since the move to Lenora. Keith refers to Steve as a “douchebag,” but he never specifically accuses Steve of bullying him, and I seriously doubt Keith would have been easily persuaded by Robin to give Steve the job if that was the case. Keith was likely put off by Steve’s former attitude, and probably held resentment at Steve dating Nancy when he wanted to be with her, but the fact that Steve wasn’t immediately fired implies that either he was good at job, Keith appreciated Steve’s ability to attract the ladies, or Keith saw that Steve had changed for the better and was willing to let bygones be bygones.
Part 6: Song Choices
First song we get in this episode is “Try My Love” by Carroll Lloyd. It’s heard when Nancy and Jonathan check in with the motel receptionist for a room.
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The song is self-explanatory in the lyrics (“Begging you to try my love. Try my love. And I know we can make it, yeah. We can make it. We can make it. Give me the chance to prove it.”). Most of the songs this season played during scenes with Nancy and Jonathan have conveyed the theme that Nancy and Jonathan need to give their relationship a chance, even if it means taking an emotional risk in doing so. They already let the chance for a relationship slip by once before. It’s up to them to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
Next song is “You Ought to be with Me” by Carl Weathers, which plays over the Sinclairs having breakfast when Lucas asks what his Dad does when his Mom is mad at him, and how he fixes it.
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This is the same Carl Weathers who plays Apollo Creed in the Rocky series, and even starred in Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Predator. This is one of the songs he wrote and performed during his lifetime. The song itself is an R&B ballad about a man having regrets over a relationship gone sour, and pleading with the woman he’s in love with to come back with the promise to do better (“Hey, you know that I'm not like most men, girl. I admit I've made all kinds of mistakes. Oh, and baby, if you'd just come on back, You know that I'd pull out all the stops and take off all the brakes. Hey, I'd love you right.”). It’s ironic because at this point in the show, Lucas isn’t even in a relationship with Max yet, but he still feels like he wronged her somehow and wants to fix it, which is what leads him to asking his Dad for advice, as well as getting this famous quote: “She’s never wrong, son.” We will see this aspect factor into Lucas’s relationship with Max in seasons 3-4.
Next song is “Green Green Grass of Home” by Bobby Bare. This plays when the nice truck driver drops El off at Terry’s house.
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This specific version is covered by Bobby Bare, but the original country song was performed by Johnny Darrell and was released in 1965. Initially appearing to be about a man returning to his childhood home and reuniting with his family (“And there to meet me is my Mama and Papa. Down the road I look and there runs Mary hair of gold and lips like cherries. It's good to touch the green, green grass of home.”), the song takes a dark turn towards the end when it’s revealed the man is a convicted prisoner on death row who can only long for “the green green grass of home.” At the end of the song, the prisoner is executed with the final lyrics conveying his fate: “Yes, they'll all come to see me. In the shade of that old oak tree. As they lay me 'Neath the green, green grass of home.” In the context of El returning to the home she should have had, not only is it a bitter reminder of the life that was taken from her, but also is foreshadowing for Terry’s current condition: Appearing at peace on the surface, but trapped in a mental nightmare that she can never escape. As for El, her “prison” was Hawkins Lab (as she angrily tells Brenner in season 4) and while she wasn’t executed, she lost the life and a family she could have had because of him.
Next song is “Can I Do What I Want” by Shock Therapy. This plays when Nancy and Jonathan first show up at Murray’s place.
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Similar to how some of the song choices for Nancy and Jonathan have been not-so-subtle foreshadowing for them getting together this season, other song choices for these two have emphasized how both of them are breaking away from the norms they initially followed (“Doing what I can, can I do what I want, what I want?”) and going against “The Man” (in this case, Hawkins Lab) in trying to take them down and hold them accountable for their crimes. This songs highlights the mundaneness of a normally scheduled working life (“Robbing instincts by being alive. Life is lost in the action, man. The clock turns and it's time to work. Trying to crawl out of a bottomless can”) and how soul-crushing it is. In the case of Nancy and Jonathan, even though they won’t admit it, there is a thrill they get in rebelling against the system, and abandoning the “good girl/boy” persona they’ve had in the past.
Then we have “Metal Sport” by Hittman, which plays when Billy drops off Max at the Arcade.
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The song conveys this post-apocalyptic setting where death sports have become popularized and it’s a fight to be the survivor. (“Fight for the ball, a victim is slain. Warning appears on the board.”) (“Cycles raging, eliminating. The loser dies, the winner remains.”) It invokes dystopian movies like The Running Man or Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome (which, given Max’s nickname, is likely an intentional nod). It seems melodramatic on the surface for this scene since Max is simply going to play arcade games, but for her, not only is this the highlight of her day, it’s where she can be the master of her fate, escape into a different world, and have some kind of control in her life that she’s lacking at home.
Following that, there’s “Darling Don’t Leave Me” by German musician Robert Gorl. This plays during the scene when Keith leads Max to the back room so Lucas can talk with her.
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The song’s lyrics and tone convey a sense of desperation and fear about being left by someone the singer cares about (“Darling don’t leave me. I’m shaking.”) and begging to be given the chance to known them (“No time to go, no time to know you. Help me teach, believe me.”). Just like how the singer is begging the other person to be interested in them, Lucas is desperate to get Max’s attention to the point of getting Keith to arrange their meeting. The context of the scene isn’t meant to be romantic like the song is though. It’s about Lucas laying out all the secrets about the Party that Max needs to hear.
Once Lucas gets done telling his story to Max, and Max makes it clear that she doesn’t believe him, Lucas follows her out, and this song can be heard playing in the background: “When the Sun Goes Down” by the Jetzons.
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I attribute the first few lyrics of the song to Max storming off when she feels like Lucas is playing her for a fool (“Cold wind blowing down the back of my neck. I gotta keep on movin,' 'Cause I'm never comin' back. And I won't stop. Walkin' down the street, tryna hustle through the heat. I put my best foot forward 'cause nothing goin' over it. And I can't stop”). She’s not remotely interested in being the butt of a joke, and from her perspective, if that’s how the Party sees her, she’d rather “keep on movin” and not come back. Unfortunately, the only place she can go to now is home where Billy is (“In the midnight hour with a man who has the power. Got a razor to your wrist and it's tearing you to bits. But it will never stop.”). I know the lyrics are metaphorical, but the general sense this song conveys is that the singer is in a hellish situation with little control, and the only way they know how to deal with it is to keeping moving forward as if nothing is stopping them. That is Max’s life right now, and the only person who’s trying to stop her and show her a different life outside of her current situation is Lucas. She doesn’t take him up on his offer yet, but she will in the next episode.
Then there’s when Billy picks up Max. The song is overshadowed by the ominous music that plays when Billy confronts Max about talking to Lucas, but it is heard in the background “Strength in Numbers” by Channel 3.
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The song title conveys the general theme of “strength in numbers, power in a crowd” while deriding the concept of individuality. However, the lyrics don’t truly seem to be praising the idea of “strength in numbers” so much as pointing out how much it makes you susceptible to manipulation (“Eat up all the gossip, we go for current trends. Who needs independence when you have a lot of strength in numbers”) while eroding any moral backbone you have (“Mother raised a snake, avoid responsibility. I lack a solid will, I lack integrity”). I know the song plays from Billy’s car, with it acting as a metaphor for the kind of person Billy’s become (lacking integrity, driven by insecurity, etc), but the song reminded me of the viciousness El experienced in season 4 at the hands of Angela and the crowd at Rink-O-Mania with how evil their behavior was. All those people lacked integrity and were snakes in the grass who used their size as a crowd to get away with bullying. There’s an irony in how Angela’s “strength in numbers” did NOTHING to stop the brat from getting her face smashed in. Suddenly, those idiots didn’t find it funny anymore when they saw the damage El could unleash, and they looked rattled when Angela was screaming, crying, and bleeding on the floor. I sincerely hope Angela gets permanent brain damage from that injury. She deserves it.
Anyways, the next song is one Murray puts on when he’s thinking about what needs to happen next now that Nancy has shown him the tape. “No More” by Billie Holiday.
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The song itself refers to someone getting over a bad relationship and conveying that they’re not going to be bothered by this person anymore. While this was likely chosen at random by Murray to decompress and think through how they were going to sell exposing Hawkins Lab to the public, one specific song stanza (“From my window, Skies ain't grey no more. Not now. Here's the day that I've been waiting for”) echoes what Murray has likely wanted from the Government for a long time: To get one over them. The day he exposes their corruption is the day he’s been waiting for, so to speak.
Finally, the last song is from Phillip Glass, titled “Open the Kingdom (Liquid Days).”
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While we don’t hear the lyrics for the song in the episode, the musical composition is heard in the scene following Terry getting her brain fried, and the resulting memory loop she becomes trapped in as a result. The song lyrics themselves are ambiguous and poetic, but also repetitive in both wording and the beat, which is a signature element for Phillip Glass. The one lyric that is repeated, “Open the Kingdom,” which is preceded by lyrics like “Turning to Speak, Turning to Hear,” presents the idea of a buried truth that needs to be exposed. In the context of the scene, it’s Terry sharing her memories with El about what happened to her under Brenner, and what path El may need to take now.
To cap off this review, here is Dustin’s beloved demodog, D’Artagnan, all grown up:
#stranger things#dig dug#tgh opinions#tgh reviews#mike wheeler#will byers#byler#jim hopper#joyce byers#bob newby#jonathan byers#nancy wheeler#jancy#murray bauman#el hopper#terry ives#martin brenner#becky ives#dustin henderson#steve harrington#d'artagnan#lucas sinclair#max mayfield#lumax#anti billy hargrove#the mind flayer#vecna#henry creel#stranger things season 2
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Murdle Jr. Headcanons
The second Murdle Jr. book comes out in two weeks!
So here are some headcanons about the Junior kids. (Buster not included, sadly, because it’s hard to come up with headcanons for a cat 😔)
Spoilers for Curious Crimes below!
Jake
Jake was mad about being sent to a stuck-up private school. For about a day. Then she found out Sacred Kidney was taught by the suspects Deductive Logico puts away on a weekly basis, and for a week straight she would not stop bugging them about what it was like to be investigated by him. (I feel like most of the suspects, for all their many issues, draw the line at harming kids. There may be exceptions, and I will tell you them when I come up with them :P)
Her coat is several sizes too big for her. She got it cheap and insists she’ll grow into it. She will one day. Today is not that day XD (shout-out to Lunar for this one)
Okay, so she doesn’t actively try to be a jerk, but. She can be? Like, when you’re making huge scenes, shouting accusations, being all dramatic in elementary school, you’re gonna make some poor kid cry. Doesn’t help she’s not exactly subtle. (Translation: the reason she would be expelled in the book was “generally being a bully” and I wanted to expand on that :P)
Despite her loud and confrontational personality, she has a surprising love for puzzles. Crosswords, jigsaws, logic puzzles—in her mind, this is peak detective work. She’s emulating her detective hero ^^ (Logico was just like “…holy crud” when he realized he actually had a fan)
Keeps a truly ridiculous assortment of things in her pockets, from candy to fake money to pencils (she lent Sterling one of hers, he did not want his formerly lucky pencil back after Eggplant murdered someone with it). Some have theorized her pockets are actually a bag of holding. (Once again, credit to Lunar for this one ^^)
Julius
So uh, Julius didn’t actually know his uncle was dating Deductive Logico. In his defense, the relationship was still pretty new by the time of Murdle Jr., but it was still an eye-opening experience when he saw his uncle kiss the weird tall guy with thick eyebrows.
On that note! Irratino’s not technically his uncle, Julius is the child of one of Tino’s cousins, but it’s a big family and everyone gets called aunt or uncle to make things easier.
One time, Julius asked Irratino how he and Logico got together. Irratino briefly mentioned their first meeting (not really their first, but SoM is a complicated story and Julius is ten years old) was Irratino faking his own death. Julius attempted to fake his own death to woo Coral. This backfired horribly when Irratino entered the room and almost had a heart attack. (Logico thought it was deserved.)
He tends to miss smaller details, being more focused on the vibes of things and also the obvious stuff. This actually works in his favor sometimes—while everyone else is obsessing over the tiny breadcrumbs, Julius points out the elephants in the room they missed.
He generally tries to play peacemaker. Jake and Olivia clash pretty often—Jake’s anger issues and Olivia’s ego aren’t the best mix—so Julius has to cool things down when tempers run high. Or, when that fails, grab Buster and duck for cover.
Olivia
It should surprise none of you that Olivia’s mother is. Not present. There’s not much of a story here: Olivia’s parents married young, had a baby young, and when Olivia was only a few months old, her mom basically called it quits and walked out. (You ever heard the song “You Don’t Even Know Who I Am” by Patty Loveless? It was basically that :P) Indigo refuses to talk about her (and if anyone asks, he says she died so they stop asking), there are no pictures, and Olivia doesn’t care much for her mother’s whereabouts.
You don’t get raised by an unrepentant narcissist and not pick up some ugly traits. While not nearly as bad as her father, Olivia has a noticeable ego, a bit of a bratty streak, is fairly unempathetic towards other people, and tends to go into everything assuming she’s the smartest person in the room—and, like him, is easily blindsided when someone outsmarts her.
Has a strong nerdy side. Not just for computers—she greatly enjoys sci-fi and video games, and has been getting into mysteries as well (much to her father’s chagrin).
Surprisingly, likes animals—especially cats—a lot. She really wants a pet cat, but her dad won’t let her get one. Not to be mean or anything, he’s just incredibly allergic and (understandably) likes being able to breathe through his nose :P
Her morals are kinda, uh. Looser than everyone else’s? Like, she isn’t gonna kill or harm anyone. But bribe a witness into revealing important details, blackmail a suspect to admitting their secrets, threaten the culprit’s livelihood until they’re confessing? What’s the harm? A lot, actually. And, frankly, being part of the Detective Club is what’s teaching her that (along with that respect doesn’t need to be earned, and that she doesn’t have to be the smartest person in the room).
#murdle#murdle jr#jake murdle#julius murdle#olivia murdle#lily’s ramblings#honestly i probably could’ve just filled this with olivia hcs#but hey the other kids exist too :P#can’t wait for the next junior book to cause even more random characters to rotate in my head XD#lily’s headcanons
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genuinely that snippet you linked in the latest ask gave me palpitations. the thing that carries me through it all is the fact that you once said damen and laurent will always have a happy ending for you. so yes, while i love meself some good ol angst, im absolutely looking forward to how you resolve that (BECAUSE YOURE SO GOOD AT IT!!! so excited to see what youre grace us with next, idec how long its gonna take ahahah)
omgggggg thank you so much!!!! 🥹❤️😭 i'm the same--as much as i love senseless fluff, nothing gets to me more than a story that's 99% angst and has that satisfying, happy ending 😮💨
AND YES while most of this fic is laurent sad and pining and damen being a dick, they do indeed have a very happy ending!!!! it made me cry when i wrote the outline LMAO
i really wish i could post more snippets but besides that opening scene damen and laurent haven't interacted much... yet. here's two seperate scenes just because!
"Look who's here," Coach said. There was the sound of backs being slapped. "Damen smelt your cooking and wanted to come right over. That's a credit to you Laurent."
Laurent didn't look up. "Aimeric cooked most of it."
"That's right, gorgeous, and there's plenty more where that came from. Believe me, I'm very skilled."
Coach laughed, as he did with most things Aimeric said. He didn't even seem bothered that Aimeric was openly flirting with his star player. He seemed charmed, actually, and Laurent's nape prickled. He didn't lift his head, but he did pull out an extra bowl and placemat.
Coach ruffled his hair as he walked past. Laurent threw him a brief smile, tried to make it seem natural, because his whole body was singing with tension.
Damen came close; Laurent smelt him before he saw him. Fresh, clean, woody--it was so familiar, Laurent's heart sped up, a subconscious response.
He looked up. Their eyes met. Laurent's heart kicked into overdrive.
Damen said, "Soup? Seriously? It's a hundred degrees."
And just like that, all his complicated feelings died in his chest. Laurent scowled and put the bowl and mat away.
❤️
So Laurent was surprised when Damen said, "Let's go out for dinner. I'm hungry."
"What?" Laurent said, pushing himself up on his elbows.
It was late; they had only fucked once today because Damen had been in training and Laurent had been in class all day. It wasn't a cool, breezy night like the other day; it was muggy and thick. Laurent's skin stuck to the sheets of Damen's bed.
"Are you fucking deaf?" Damen snapped. He was already dressed and showered, shoving that ugly baseball cap on his head. "Hurry up, you have ten minutes."
Laurent shot up; from experience he knew Damen would make good on his threat and leave him here. He yelped when Damen smacked his bare ass as he rushed past him on the way to the bathroom.
It was the quickest shower of Laurent's life; he had already taken one before he arrived here, so he didn't feel too gross by the time he stepped out again.
He rushed downstairs; Damen was already waiting, impatient, car keys in his hand.
"Can I drive?" Laurent said.
Damen huffed. "Funny."
The Cadillac was a thing of beauty. Laurent had grown up with fast cars his entire life. Coach obviously had a few, but Hennike and Auguste loved them too. Auguste had a Quattroporte. Hennike had had a vintage Aston Martin. When she had died, Laurent had fantasies of driving it for himself, but Coach had promptly sold it.
The Cadillac was special, though. It was rare to see Damen so excited about something, but Laurent remembered long, winter nights where they had huddled in bed together, going over all the specs, handles, and metrics of the car. Laurent learned about analog guages and different cuts of leather and even Bakelite by the time Damen had decided he had wanted to purchase it.
Except, Damen had taken Jokaste to buy the car. He had dumped Laurent three nights before.
Still, that didn't really affect how Laurent felt about the car. It was all sleek wood panelling and fresh, fragrant leather. It was pretty big too; he and Damen had tested that theory early on by fucking in the backseat.
"Don't cross your legs on the seat, for fucks sake," Damen snapped as they backed out of the driveway.
"I took off my shoes," Laurent muttered, already pulling out his phone.
#this is so nonsensical without context i know#but just know damen and laurent loathe each other but can't stay away either hehehehe#ALSO I LOVE YOU!!!!!#what an amazing message#im so grateful you feel that way about my stories omggg!!!#and i know people dont believe me but yes i always always always give a happy ending#otherwise i dont see any point writing it😭#asks
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Corazón: Part Three
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader
Word Count: ~2.2k
Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill
Summary: Spencer's headaches get worse so he turns to medicine to figure out why he is having them. He doesn't take the news well. Meanwhile, you're dispatched to Miami when someone uses religion to justify his killings.
Season Six Masterlist
Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there are any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them.
x
"Okay, your bad boy grew up in foster care. He did fifteen years in Apalachee Correctional for attempting to murder a police officer. He was also a member of a violent street gang known as Los Machetes."
"Subtle," Hotch scoffs.
"Damn. They like to cut off the hands and sometimes the heads of their victims," Detective Perez sighs.
"Can you get us some crime scene photos to look at?"
"I'll get someone on it," he says and leaves.
"Anything else, Garcia?"
"I can tell you that Julio did his time without incident. He was released in 2003. He regularly visited his parole officer. There have been no waves in these crime waters since he got out."
"Thanks, baby girl." Derek hangs up the phone. He looks at Julio who has yet to take his eyes off the two-way mirror. "This guy's been eyeballing the mirror since he got here. Let's see what he has to say."
You're about to head inside when Spencer stops you.
"Wait, Y/N, I think I should go in first."
"What?"
"Do you remember at the community center, he said he would come with me?"
"If they already have a rapport, it'll be easier."
"Do you want Y/N to go with you?" Hotch asks.
"No, I'm okay."
Spencer walks inside the room with Julio.
"Dave, do you want to go to the soup kitchen and check out his living space? Take Prentiss and Seaver with you."
"There was a teenager. He looked like his assistant. He took over when we left," you say to Rossi.
You turn to the two men inside the room. You don't know Julio so you're worried for Spencer, especially knowing about his headaches.
"My name is Dr. Spencer Reid." Spencer lays out pictures of the victims. "Did you know these people?"
"They are my godchildren. They all came to me to be healed."
"Did you heal them?"
"You think I killed them? The saints don't need a human sacrifice. That is a man's sickness."
"Maybe it's not about sacrifice, then. Maybe someone needs body parts to build a Nganga."
"What do you know about Palo?" Spencer winces from the harsh lighting, and it doesn't go unnoticed by Julio. "This light is no good. It gives you a headache."
Detective Perez comes back with the crime scene photos involving the street gang Los Machetes. All of their victims have their arms cut off. You grab the photos and walk into the room with Spencer and Julio. He doesn't look at you and continues to stare at Spencer who doesn't look away from Julio. You put the photos on the desk for Julio to see.
"Does that remind you of your youth? It's some pretty ugly things to be involved in. Did you help, or did you just watch?" Julio starts tapping the desk rhythmically while holding eye contact with Spencer. "Is that what you call religion? What kind of man does that to another man? Not a man of faith."
Julio starts chanting in an Afro-Caribbean language, and Spencer looks like he's fully invested in whatever he's saying.
"Spencer?" you ask but he doesn't look away from Julio. You look at the mirror and shrug because you don't know what to do. Julio continues to chant for another five minutes before stopping, and Spencer finally looks away from him. He gets up and leaves, and you follow him out of the room. "What the hell was that?"
"I think I just witnessed a classic case of transpossession. It's a form of religious hysteria. He wholeheartedly believes he was being occupied by some form of deity," Spencer explains.
"He wasn't faking it?" Perez asks.
"Up close you can see physiological signs. His body actually changed in response to the belief. There have been a lot of studies on this phenomenon. There was one case where an eighty-year-old woman was able to lift a grown man above her head when she believed she was occupied by her Saint."
"Detective, did you understand what he was saying at the end?" Hotch asks.
"Brother, look, I'm a Puerto Rican Catholic that grew up in Orlando. That wasn't any language I ever heard."
"I remember the words. I'm sure he'll be able to translate them," Spencer says.
"Are you sure?"
Spencer gives him an offended look. "That I remember them?"
"That you want to go back in."
"Yeah."
Spencer turns and heads back into the room.
"Is he okay?" Hotch asks you.
"Yeah, he's fine," you sigh.
"What happened?" Julio asks in confusion.
"You have no recollection?"
"I remember talking about the lights."
"You were talking about lights, and then you were talking about headaches."
"That was my Saint. You're lucky Ellegua spoke to you. What did he say?" Spencer repeats the first portion of the chant. "You have bad Eggun on top of you that's spoiling your head." Spencer repeats the next part. "Do a cleansing quickly."
"What are Eggun?"
"Spirits of the dead."
Spencer suddenly becomes upset. "Why would you say that I--"
"I didn't."
"Okay, why would your Saint say that they're spoiling my head?"
"That's a question only you can answer. Something's wrong. Can you feel it?"
"Yeah, four people are dead. I think maybe the fifth one is safe with you in here."
"No, he's not. Someone's about to get hurt. Listen with your heart, not your head. Like her." He points to the mirror right at you as if he knows exactly where you're standing. "She knows. She can see the unseen."
You look at Hotch without a word. Rossi calls with less-than-good news. The teenager who took over the ritual earlier had heroin, a bloody sneaker, a goat's head, and other things with blood on it in his room, so you walk into the room to confront Julio about this. Apparently, he ran from Rossi when confronted about it.
"Your helper, the kid that took over your ritual when we brought you in here? What's his name?"
"Elian."
"My associates just found sale-weight heroin in his room and a Nganga."
"Where is he?" Julio asks, concerned.
"He's running." Julio stands and slaps his hand on the table. "Hey, calm down."
"Please, I gotta find him. He's got nobody but me."
"Do you think it's possible that Elian is our Palero?" Spencer asks.
"No, he's a good kid."
"Why did he run?"
"He must be using again. His mama and papa were junkies. I took him in, got him clean, and taught him right from wrong. Please. I gotta find him before he gets hurt."
"The entire police force is out looking for him."
"He's of the streets. He's gonna go so far under that he'll be gone for good. I'm your best chance to find him."
Penelope digs into Elian's life and learns that he was arrested for small things like shoplifting and loitering. However, he was thrown in juvie for assault last month. The complainant? Julio. All charges were dropped and Elian got out last week which is when the murders started. Elian is dependent on Julio so he can't get revenge on him directly. His rage against Julio and his junkie parents could be reason enough to be taken out on his victims.
The results of the blood came back from the lab, and it's confirmed to be from a goat. However, there was a pot in Elian's room that had four human fingers and part of a human brain in it, and the blood on the sneaker was human.
However, you don't think he did it. You would have felt it the second you saw him in the community center if he did.
"You know, you can't protect him if he did this," you say to Julio.
"I'm not protecting him."
"Then what are you not telling us?" Spencer asks.
Julio doesn't answer.
"Look, if you want to help Elian, you're gonna have to give us something that we don't know."
"Fine. I'll ask the Orishas to help find this killer." Julio starts chanting in the same language as before. He grabs a water bottle and starts flicking water everywhere around him. He stops and nods to Spencer. "The Orishas are with us now."
"Okay, we have four victims all with cowrie shells in their mouths and eyes."
"Eleggua is called to find justice."
"Two of the victims had fingers cut off. One had both hands removed. One had its head left on the scene, but the brain was missing."
"They took the brain and left the head?" Julio asks.
"The head was left at the crime scene."
"No, that is not Palo. A Palero would not leave the head."
"He also left the tongue," Spencer adds.
"There is no use in the religion for a tongue that is not pierced with needles. It means nothing just to put a tongue in a dish." If it's not part of a ritual, then it's the unsub's signature. His psychopathy is showing, and he's silencing someone through his victims. "Elian is an angry child, but he would not do this. Please, let me find him before it gets worse."
"Thank you for your help," Spencer says.
You start gathering the photos from the desk into a pile.
"Your head is spinning because it's full of ghosts. You think you can do this work day in, day out and you don't carry it with you? It's eating your soul."
"Ghosts?" you ask and look at Spencer.
Julio isn't charged with anything so he is free to go. Once he is gone, you gather with the team.
"Alright, so what have we got?" Hotch asks.
"A lot of evidence pointing to Elian Morales. Too much. He fits the profile perfectly," Ashley says.
"Too perfectly. Like every step was planned. There are no fingerprints, but a single sneaker print, and that sneaker turns up in the kid's room."
"Elian didn't do it. I saw him at the community center, and I've seen the unsub's energy. It's not him. Someone is framing Elian."
"Who?" Derek asks.
You think back to the one person who has been creeping you out since you met with him.
"Someone with enough intelligence and control to set up a very convincing trail. It's somebody we've met. He's probably been watching us all along. He began his killing for gain of some sort, but his enjoyment of killing is beginning to disrupt his organization. He's demanding attention. I think it's the Professor."
"That's it. He's demanding media attention, but not for the killings. For the religion. Y/N, Professor Walker is about to public a book on Palo Mayombe."
"I told you he gave me the creeps and was sending me all the wrong symbols." You address the team. "We showed him the photo of the fourth victim's tongue in a dish and he didn't say it wasn't right. I mean, he of all people should have known it didn't fit any ritual. He should have also known that a Palero would have taken the head."
"He wants us to believe that Elian's a Palero and that these are religious killings. He did his research in the community. He'd be known and accepted. He knows the rituals inside out," Spencer adds.
"Maybe he gave the idol to the kid, pretending to train him as a witch doctor," Rossi theorizes.
"If Elian was angry with Julio, he may have been looking for another father figure. What better way to get publicity than a series of murders?"
Derek takes out his phone and calls Penelope.
"Yeah, Garcia, get us everything you can on Professor Walker's background and his address."
"We'll take the house. Y/N and Reid, take the office."
As you're driving, Penelope calls and connects you two with the rest of the team.
"Walker's prep school did a psych eval when he was twelve. He did not exactly fit in. His mother committed suicide when he went away to boarding school, and to make things stranger and sadder, after she died, he spent all of his vacations at school."
"What kind of father doesn't bring his motherless kid home for the holidays?" Emily asks.
"A shitty one," you answer.
"His medical records list a bunch of childhood injuries, including two spiral fractures of the forearm and one broken collarbone."
"Well, two spiral fractures are unlikely to be accidents. Put that together with the mother's suicide, I think we're looking at an abusive father."
"Garcia, what can you find out about the father?" Hotch asks.
"A lot. He wrote ten books, all on African religions."
"The Professor's in competition with the father."
"Yeah, and here's the kicker. His son is mentioned in this article and he's up for tenure in the same field."
You arrive at his office but he's not there. He's not at home either. If he already has another victim in mind, he's going to strike tonight. You're not sure where else to look until reports come in from the soup kitchen. A few people have reported some kind of disturbances from it, and Julio is also reported missing. You meet up with the other half of the team at the soup kitchen and go through it with a fine tooth comb.
Spencer is upstairs in Julio's room to see if they missed anything before while the rest are downstairs. Detective Perez walks away from the kitchen holding bags of human body parts.
"I found these in the refrigerator."
"Looks like he dug those up," Ashley says, horrified.
"Those weren't there when we were here earlier," Rossi says. "They were planted to make it look like Elian completed the ritual which means the Professor's ready to wrap this up."
"Up till now, all the victims have been killed in their homes." Rossi points out the front door. "It looks like the body was dragged that way, but the trail stops."
"Walker laid that trail. He wants us to think that he took Julio out the front door. He could be anywhere."
x
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#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid fic#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid angst#criminal minds#criminal minds fic#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds fanfic#criminal minds fluff#criminal minds angst#criminal minds series rewrite
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where to watch cnc? O.o
short answer: dm me with what specifically you want
long answer: it's really not easy. there's no like cnctube or youcnc or whatever, so you basically have to figure out which porn producers emphasize cnc themes, find specific scenes that do what you want, and then just google the titles and find them on some sketchy porn streaming site. you could also torrent them, like i do, but that's not for everyone. porn producers are often inconsistent, too; like kink's sex and submission line has some cnc themed stuff and a lot of stuff where the characters very vigorously consent; you have to go scene by scene. also i've noticed that the volume of this kind of porn has dropped off a lot over the past few years; a lot of the really brutal cnc stuff isn't being produced any more. even in productions that do have a lot of cnc, sometimes the performers lapse into old habits and get really into it, which is a fun dynamic but only if you see the transition, and not all play it well.
in terms of specific producers, there are some cnc-only lines like brutalcasting and operationescort, both of which were i think part of the now-lapsed fetish network, but they're obviously structured around specific scenarios that may or may not appeal to you. you'll notice that both feature a guy named bruno dickemz (yes, really) as the stunt cock; you could probably just look him up and do well. he also did the creatively named disgracethatbitch which has a lot of good, rough stuff. there's an older line, pornstars punished, that got put out by brazzers actually (you wouldn't see them doing that stuff today!), which i have great affection for because it has a lot of the porn stars i grew up with getting brutally manhandled. it can be a bit inconsistent, though.
there's also the primal network, but they have a lot of non-cnc stuff too and frankly their stuff always looks really ugly to me in terms of how it's shot; i don't have the cinematographic knowledge to explain why.
finding comprehensive lists of works to then look up on streaming sites isn't easy too. i torrent all my porn so i don't have a good method of doing this, but i'm of course happy to recommend stuff.
there are then individual performers who produce cnc stuff through their onlyfans or whatever. while you might be able to steal their work you obviously shouldn't and should go pay them directly. in any case, it's not likely to be on streaming sites. often, though, they just have a couple of cnc vids scattered amongst a much more vanilla corpus, like with the belle delphine rough fuck in the woods vid that gets constantly posted on here.
lastly there's this specific vid which, while not super extreme, has a gorgeous girl who gets really into it; you probably recognize her bc she gets posted here all the time without credit. her stage name is shrooms q and she's great.
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Cause Baby You're My Muse [Chapter 31]
Genre: Romance, Idol!AU, Music, Slight angst
Pairing: Mingi x Reader (y/n)
Characters: Producer!Reader, IdolLyricist!Mingi, IdolProducer!Hongjoong, Idol!Seonghwa, Idol!Yunho, Idol!Wooyoung, Idol!San, Idol!Yeosang, Idol!Jongho, cameo(s) by other celebrities
Summary: You always preferred producing underground, having an unknown face and governed by your own rules. But when you start freelancing for idol groups, you say goodbye to your lone wolf lifestyle as you learn to work with idol producers and lyricists.
Word count: 3.2K
With the main title song completed and approved, the Ateez boys had been busy learning the choreography and practicing. You were working with the other producers on the other songs that would be in the album too.
"Before I go, Indigo. I wanted to speak to you." Eden said. You turned away from your computer to face him.
"So I am aware that you have been in a relationship with Mingi for a while now." He stated. At his words, your stomach sank and your heart stopped.
"I-I... I'm so sorry, Eden." You shook your head, standing up and bow repeatedly to him.
"There's no need to apologise, Indigo." Eden said. You still didn't feel calmed down, looking at the conflicted look on his face.
"As a friend, I congratulate the both of you. But as your senior... I would caution the both of you to be careful with how you act around each other in the presence of others." Eden advised.
"We will be more careful, Eden." You promised.
"With the comeback coming up and you just starting your career outside of the underground scene and you know Mingi had some heat for taking a few breaks, I would hate for things to get ugly and out of hand. If you know what I mean..." He hinted. You nodded, fully aware of what he meant without him needing to say it.
"Ateez doesn't have a dating ban. From the start, it was always established by the management but you know how scary some fans can be." He said.
"No matter what, I would always put Mingi before myself. As long as he is safe and unharmed, I will take the heat for it." You said with determination. Eden gave a nod.
"I won't tell the management. It's not my place to tell." Eden sighed.
"Thank you." You bowed. You didn't bother asking Eden how he knew because it didn't matter to you at this point, he already knew.
"But you do know that when it comes down to it, the company has to choose to protect their artist." He said. That was fine, in fact, you would prefer them to protect Ateez and Mingi over you.
"Of course I hope it doesn't get to that point. You have a really bright future and career as a producer Indigo. I would hate for you to disappear underground again. There's so much more you can do above ground." He chuckled.
"Thank you for saying that. I won't let it get to that point, I promise. For Ateez and Mingi's safety and career. They've been through too much to be scrutinised again." You said.
"You're really selfless, Indigo. Willing to forgo your career for them." He raised an eyebrow.
"That's what love does, I guess. Not just between Mingi and I but with all the Ateez boys. They grow on you." You giggled.
"I understand that." He nodded, having ben there.
"Plus, Mingi's been happier. You can tell when you look at him and work with him. He's more productive and more positive, in terms of his anxiety too." He smiled.
"That's all him. It has nothing to do with me." You shook your head, not wanting to take any of that credit away from Mingi. Even if Eden disagreed, he didn't correct you. He merely nodded his head.
"Alright, that's the busy work senior side. But as a friend, I'm happy for you and Mingi. Congratulations." Eden chuckled, standing up to give you a hug. You laughed along and wrapped your arms around him. When he moved to leave your studio and let you get back to work, you stopped him.
"Actually, there's something else I need to talk to you about..." You chewed on your bottom lip.
Mingi yawned, coming out of his room. He massaged his shoulder as he walked to the kitchen, feeling the ache from the long hours of dance practice.
"Captain." Mingi bowed his head, acknowledging the male.
"Mingi ah..." Hongjoong started. Mingi hummed in question as he faced the fridge, looking for a cold drink.
"Eden knows about you and Indigo..." Mingi stopped at Hongjoong's words. His eyes widened as he closed the fridge and turned around to face him properly.
"What did you say?" Mingi asked, hoping he heard wrongly.
"Eden knows about your relationship. I'm giving you a heads up. I told you two to be more careful." Hongjoong frowned slightly. He didn't want to lecture Mingi for being physical with you when you were dating but he was the leader of the group, he had to think about how this would affect everyone.
"We are careful, hyung. Indigo sets very strict boundaries when we're at work." Mingi argued.
"Well, you were obviously not careful enough for people outside the group to now know." Hongjoong pointed out. There was no point in arguing when it was the truth.
"Is he going to tell?" He cast Hongjoong a side glance.
"No, he won't. But he asked me if I knew and how long have I known." Hongjoong crossed his arms. Mingi let out a sigh of relief.
"But we don't have a dating ban, hyung. The fans knew that since we debuted and would expect it, sooner or later. It could be any one of us." Mingi reasoned.
"Yes, they may expect it. But that doesn't mean they will react well to it. We're talking about safety here, Mingi ah. Not just yours but Indigo's, Haneul's, your family's, even the rest of the other members." Hongjoong said.
"I'm only saying this because I want to know if you and Indigo are prepared." Hongjoong sighed.
"Prepared for?" Mingi asked quizically.
"The worst. If the company finds out and when the fans find out. What sacrifices are you going to make? Where do your priorities lie? Where does Indigo play into all this?" He explained.
"Whatever it is, Indigo is my priority. I promised her that I'll keep her and Haneul safe. That's the bottom line." Mingi said firmly.
"I won't let all this harm the members, hyung. If anything happens, this is all on me and me only. I'll take whatever blame and responsibility." He added.
"Let's hope it doesn't get to that point then." Hongjoong looked at Mingi with knowing eyes.
The captain didn't say much more and left the kitchen. While he was proud of Mingi for being courageous and putting you before himself and his career, Hongjoong was worried. He treasured the both of you like his younger siblings, he wouldn't want to lose any of you because of a scandal like this.
"Mingi ah. You okay?" Yunho, having heard the whole conversation, emerged from behind the wall.
"Mhmm. I'm fine." Mingi lied through his teeth. He clenched his jaw, turning around to face the fridge, stoically getting an iced coffee out to drink.
"You know Hongjoong hyung is worried about both you and Indigo. It's hard for him." Yunho said. Mingi nodded glumly.
"We're with you. Whatever you need." Yunho reminded.
"Thanks, Yun." Mingi gave a nod.
"I'm going to call her and tell her. If Eden hyung hasn't spoken to her, she should at least know that he knows and be prepared for it." Mingi stated and walked out of the kitchen.
Yunho looked at Mingi's retreating back. He was worried for his best friend. Mingi has become genuinely happier after being with you. But if your relationship were to get out, the whole group would suffer with the two of you suffering the most.
"Hey. Can you talk?" Mingi pressed the phone to his ear.
"Yeah... I was actually just about to call you but I got held up at my meeting." From the tone of your voice, Mingi already knew that you knew.
"I'm guessing Eden already spoke to you?" He asked. There was a short pause before the sigh and the hum from you.
"Are you okay?" He asked further.
"I am. Don't worry. We just have to be more careful in the future. And Eden said he's not going to tell the management. We can't let things get out of hand." You were trying to sound calm and positive.
"How much more careful can we be? I already barely see you and we work in the same building." Mingi openly expressed his frustration.
"I know that. We don't have a choice now, do we, Mings? We're lucky that it's Eden this time, someone we're both close to. Had it been another staff member we're not familiar with, who knows what they could do? Them telling the management would be the least of our worries at that point."
"You're right. I'm sorry." Mingi sighed.
"No need to be sorry, Mings. We're both scared but it's going to be okay. We'll be okay." You promised. Mingi hated that you had to calm him down when you were probably feeling the same way as him.
"We'll work together. Just please... Please don't leave me." Mingi caved and let his real fear show.
"I won't, Mings."
"Okay, I'll let you go back to work. I just wanted to make sure you're okay. I'll see you tonight?" He said. Mingi was going to come over when his practice ended.
"Sure. And thanks for checking in, I'm glad we talked right away. Yes, I'll see you after your practice tonight."
"I love you." Mingi blurted.
"I love you too." You chuckled and hung up.
Mingi dropped onto his bed as he stared at the ceiling. He turned his head to see the photo of you on his nightstand. You didn't know he had this photo because he had taken it secretly. You were looking out the window with a soft smile on your face.
"Beautiful." Mingi said softly, a small smile of adoration appearing on his face. He was worried you would run away because he wanted to run away. But he couldn't do that to you and the others.
"Everyone get ready for practice!" Hongjoong's yelling sounded out through the dorm.
"I'll see you later." Mingi kissed the photo and went to change.
"I'm pumped and ready!" Wooyoung jumped up and down. From the demeanour and behaviour of the others, Mingi's guessing that they don't know what happened.
"I think Atiny will like the songs and dance." Yeosang smiled.
"And we have two songs! One title and one performance song. Double kill." San made slicing actions with his hands.
"Of course they will like it. This song was made by the amazing brain of Producer Indigo." Jongho scoffed. Once everyone was accounted for, Hongjoong ushered everyone out. They climbed into their vans, driven by their managers. Mingi put his AirPods in, keeping his cap low as he let the music drown out his thoughts.
"I miss Indigo. We've all been so busy, we work in the same building but it's like two separate countries." Wooyoung shook his head with a click of his tongue.
"Mangi ah. Have you seen her recently? Or spoken to her?" Wooyoung sat up in his seat.
"I haven't seen her. We called but she's busy and we don't want to disturb each other." Mingi replied. Seeing Mingi put his AirPod back on, Wooyoung nudged Yunho and threw a nod over to Mingi.
"He was up working on lyrics so he's tired." Yunho smoothly lied.
"Juggling producing and performing is not easy." San shook his head, looking at Mingi with sympathy.
When the vans pulled up, the boys all stepped out. They piled into the lift and headed up to the dance studio. While waiting for their choreography team, they spread apart to start warming up on their own. When the door opened, their CEO walked in.
"CEO Kim." All 8 of them stood up, going to where he was at the doorway and standing in a line to bow to him. The suited male smiled at the 8 of them.
"Hello, boys. Working hard on your comeback?" He asked.
"Yes." The 8 of them chimed. It was like they were all trainees, waiting to impress for the chance to debut.
"Good, good. I know all of you are hard workers. Indigo has proven to be an asset to the producing team." He nodded. Mingi couldn't help but stiffen when he mentioned you.
"Are you doing okay, Mingi?" He asked.
"Y-Yes, sir. I'm okay, thank you for your concern." Mingi bowed his head.
"That's good to hear. Ateez is the best when we have all 8 of you together." He said. Everyone nodded in agreement while Mingi let out a mental sigh of relief, the CEO hadn't noticed his slight reaction and was only referring to the break Mingi took from group activities because of his anxiety.
"Anyway, I just dropped by to say hello and see how you guys were coming along with practice. I'm going to meet with the producing team now. All the best boys." CEO Kim explained.
"Thank you." The 8 of them all bowed to him again.
"Thank you for dropping by, sir." Hongjoong stepped forward and shook his hand. Giving the captain a pat on the shoulder, the CEO left the practice studio.
"The CEO seems to like Indigo. That's good." Seonghwa smiled like a proud mother.
"Hyung, you look like a proud parent." Wooyoung snickered.
"I feel like one. Knowing that my child just got praised." Seonghwa clutched his heart, closing his eyes dramatically. They all continued warming up until the choreographer and his team came.
"Please take care of us." The 8 of them bowed.
"Likewise. Thank you for all the hard work you've been putting in everyone. Let's have another safe and productive dance practice session." The choreographer smile and everyone clapped, nodding in agreement. They picked up from where they left off.
You were working on the music tracks when your doorbell rang. You paused the music and stood up, going to the door. Your eyes widened when you saw the CEO and Eden there.
"CEO Kim." You immediately bowed deeply to greet him. In reality, your heart was pounding in your chest. Did he find out?
"Hi, Indigo. I just came to see how the progress of the tracks are." He smiled kindly.
"Oh, yes! Please, come in." You stepped aside to invite them in. As he walked past you, Eden squeezed your shoulder, a signal for you to breathe and calm down.
"So the title track is done. Which is the choreography that the group is learning now. We're finishing up the performance track and we should be done within the next 3 days." You explained.
"Okay. What about the b-side tracks? I want the b-side tracks to be just as good as the titles." He said.
"Of course, sir. I completely understand. We're still working on the editing for the b-side tracks. We just got the raw vocals for track 7 and will work on it to get it done as soon as possible." You said. You were glad you wore your mask now so that it could hide your nervous, fearful expression.
"Alright. Good to see the tracks coming along well and on schedule. You really impressed me and the board with your track submissions. Eden did a good job bringing you in." He complimented.
"Ah, thank you." You bowed awkwardly.
"Would you consider signing on full time as a producer here? I think you have a lot to offer." He asked.
"I-I... I appreciate you thinking so highly of me, sir. If it's okay with you, I would like to just focus on this comeback first before deciding anything." You rubbed the back of your neck.
"That's a good mindset. I hope you will consider that as an option. Terms and conditions are flexible. We'll protect your identity if necessary." He promised.
"I'll keep that in mind, sir. Thank you."
"Yes, we'll definitely speak again after the comeback." He patted your shoulder. You nodded with a meek smile.
"Make sure to give the names of the members that worked on the tracks to the marketing and promotion department. The fans like seeing that, shows that the boys are a part of the writing and producing process." CEO Kim said to you and Eden.
"Of course." You both replied.
"I won't hold you for too long. It was nice speaking with you, Indigo. I wish you all the best and thank you for working hard on this comeback." He held his hand out to shake.
"Thank you for giving me this opportunity and for putting so much trust in me." You shook his hand.
"Let's discuss more in your office, Eden." He turned to your senior. You walked the both of them to the door, bowing once again.
"Oh my gosh..." You leaned back against the closed door, sliding down from your legs just completely giving out. You let out a shaky breath, finally breathing normally again.
After working for a few more hours, you took a bus home. You made a really quick and simple dinner, setting aside a portion under some covers for Mingi to have in case he was hungry later. With music playing in the background, you ate your dinner and went to take a quick shower.
'Hey, baby. Sorry, I'm running a little late. Don't wait up! - Mings'
Seeing the message from him, you turned off the lights outside and went to your home studio to work.
'Thank you for your revised track for the OST. We will create the lyrics and discuss on the singer that will perform the track. If you have any recommendations, please let us know.
- Representative'
You leaned back in your chair and smiled happily, proud that they finally approve of the OST track. You did some light work until you felt tired. Honestly, you did want to wait for Mingi, to welcome him and hug him.
"Ateez... Mingi fancam." You searched on your phone and watched a compilation of Mingi on stage to try to keep yourself awake.
"Baby? I'm here." Mingi called out softly when he entered the house. He spoke softly, worried that you would be asleep already. The house was dark, except for one kitchen light you left on.
'Didn't know if you had dinner but I prepared something for you. I know you're watching your carbs so I put the meat in lettuce wraps instead. - Love, (y/n)'
Mingi melted at your note. He folded it carefully and tucked it into his bag, not wanting to lose it.
"Fix on!" Mingi heard his own voice coming from the bedroom and walked in to find you asleep. You were holding your phone.
"What's this?" He tilted his head to watch the video playing on your phone.
'Mingi Fancam Compilation #4'
He cupped his hand over his mouth to stop his laughter from escaping and waking you up. This really made his day, all the tiredness just dissipated. Mingi actually left the room to laugh in the living room on his own. Why did he think it was so endearing of you to watch videos of him when he wasn't around?
"I love you so much." Mingi leaned over you to kiss your forehead. He gently removed the phone from your grasp and charged it on your nightstand before going to shower.
~
Series Masterlist
#kpop#kpop scenarios#kpop series#ateez#ateez scenarios#ateez series#ateez x reader#idol!ateez#ateez mingi#mingi ateez#mingi#mingi scenarios#mingi series#mingi x reader#mingi x you#mingi x y/n#song mingi#song mingi series#song mingi scenarios#song mingi x reader
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My Moms Adventures with Dhmis-
i Was talking to a friend today and i suddenly remembered that a few years ago i made my mom watch Dhmis (Web) with me. before i was even half confident to even make a tumblr account.
And then i realized that Dhmis tumblr would maybe get a giggle from this.
i was wondering if i should tell this. then i remebered my mom shares silly story's about me on her facebook. so this is revenge of the silly stories now. so here we go.
-From what i remember-
CREATIVITY: is when I realized that she was probably the Key demographic Becky and joe were going for tbh. She went from "This is weird.." to "This is weird in a fun way!" to " D: " Real quick. it was like those fake reaction channels from 2014 but in real life. it was crazy.
TIME: She got suspicious of tony real fast. She Also gave Roy a face that i could only describe as a face you'd give someone before crossing the road to avoid them. also!- She isn't a big fan of the trio. she found them creepy, she feels bad for them! but she also wouldn't get within 30 feet of them either.
LOVE: Guys lemme tell you. SHE IS SHRIGOLDS #1 HATER She hated him the moment he flew on screen. She was cussing him out and giving him the stink eye every time he spoke. She still talks about how much she hates "The creepy ass butterfly" to this day
COMPUTERS: She was jamming on the computer song fr. cant blame her it is in fact a banger. like she was worryingly looking at the screen while also bopping her head along. and when reds head exploded she froze and said "DID HE JUST FUCKING DIE!!!?" in the same vain as marks "WAS THAT THE BITE OF 87!!!?"
HEALTHY: She was confused and quiet most of the time here till THE SCENE. where she openly gasped and went "whhhAAAAAATT THE FUCK!!??????????" Jaw AGAPE, Eyebrows FURROWED. and then the end scene, She put her hand over her mouth and watched red walk away from the phone as the credits rolled and- "HE ATE HIS FRIEND??? WHY?" "They forced him too" "HUH? WHAT? THEY FORCED HIM TOO EAT HIS FRIEND? HIS FRIEND IS EATEN! ATE! GONE!" if DHMIS is mentioned in any conversation her first words will always be "THEY MADE HIM EAT HIS FRIEND!!!" Even is she hears it across the room. she will yell it.
it happened a few days ago actually! in the car.
"They made him eat his friend!!"
DREAMS: She was still in shock over duck getting canned. she was the most confused by the surrealism of dreams. Common questions from this episode "So is the bird dead dead? or dead like the clock made them dead?" "Is the mop in the real world? or a mop man world?" and "Why is he (Yellow guy) So upset?"
My answers: "I don't know. its kinda up to the viewer" "I don't know. its kinda up to the viewer" "safe to assume he's having a rough day."
Anyways, when red started pushing buttons and all the old teachers popped up it was "No! there all awful!" then shrigold popped up for a sec and. as said before - she's shrigolds #1 hater- so it was "NO! GET THAT BITCH OUT OF HERE!!" And she was quiet, making concerned faces at Roy. Confused face at the end. and shocked silence as the credits rolled.
Her final thoughts: "It was interesting to say the least, not my full cup of tea but i can understand why you like it, its very artsy and weird and speaks to you in that way. . Its like visual artists version of going to a underground concerts mosh pit, Crazy yet exhilarating. you never know what's going to happen next!
Tv Show?: she wants to see it but at the same time doesn't, Its an odd limbo. and she doesn't have a VPN. so she's going to hold off till further notice.
Funny names for characters she has.-
(Yellow)" Yellow Boy" "Noodle Boy"
(Roy)"The ugly squiggly one" "His dad" "Methhead puppet"
(Red) "Mop Man" - i still call him this too this day lol.
(Duck) "Bird boy" "Bird Dude" "Borb" "The friend who got Eaten"
(Shirgold) "Bitch Butterfly" "Creepy ass butterfly" "Cult Butterfly".
Every other object has been deemed "The Fucking _____" Example "The Fucking Steak."
Except for Larry the lamp.. i was given a Larry lamp from Esty on a birthday once, and he has helped us though multiple blackouts sense. so Larry's cool but He's on thin ice
#dhmis#dont hug me im shit posting#silly story#a silly core memory.#i love my mom. we just share our intrests from time to time :]
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MWIII Ghoap Drabble
Major Spoilers Beware!!! Canon compliant. Set between Trojan Horse and the Ending scene. No comfort, all pain.
It's cold.
Ghost didn't expect that. He's bundled up in all his blackened layers. Swathed in all the armour he can find, bar wearing his actual kit. Yet the kiss of that chill still slithers down his spine. Jagged tendrils of ice widen cracks in his exposed shell. It's only a matter of time till he breaks. Ghost can tell.
Price and Gaz are here with him. Dressed in their finest. Ghost sticks out like a sore thumb. But the thought of putting on his No.1s and having everything out to show, to have his grief, once again be publicised makes something in him want to hurl and scream and cry. The only one he'd ever let see him like that was not here. He'd never see him again either.
A sound comes from clenched lips.
Ghost ignores it.
He refocuses on the dark chestnut in the room. It's shockingly rich in an otherwise sterile beige room. Ghost should really be used to this. But Ghost had also never let himself get this close.
It was a mistake and yet—
And yet Ghost would—
Enough.
Johnny deserved more than this from him.
He'd told him that they were a team. Johnny was his responsibility, his cross to bear. Watching him was the last thing he'd do for him. The one thing he'd failed to do properly.
Ghost wouldn't fail him now.
A mousy woman dressed in black is waiting for him to the side of the room.
He nods at her and she moves it into position. Ghost's eyes critically watch her every twitch, sniper steady and intent. She swallows nervously at his stare.
Credit to her professionalism, she does her job. The sleek silver of the machine stands out in the careful blandness of the room. A room that was decorated so delicately and purposefully stale. Ghost hates it.
He hates how it looks. So jutting and off-putting in this careful room. Like masking a hideous thing in silk and asking everyone to pull wool over their eyes. To pretend like this was something pleasant, planned, prepared for. It's a reminder of all the wrongness Ghost has felt since.
The mousy woman comes to stand closer. It's a fair distance away from him, as if she could tell he was some sort of thing collapsing and diseased—more like a wounded animal slated for destruction than anything resembling a man.
"Whenever you're ready." She tells him in a quiet murmur. Her eyes are carefully hidden away from his, head lowered in supplication. It's a fragile silence made even more delicate by her sympathy.
It burns, that sympathy. Ghost wants to snarl at her. Bite and howl. Rip apart his enemies and drag them down here to lie instead. Hunt all those who played a part and tear them and then himself to shreds.
But he can't. Not yet.
The thought rips another noise from his throat.
The woman flinches at the noise. Ghost stands stock still, muscles tensing and relaxing in an effort to control himself. He's never been so visibly agitated, so violently out of his own preternatural silence.
Price and Gaz shift nervously at his side. Their eyes betray their worry, their grief. Ghost hates this too. The lines of despair written so plainly on his body were obvious to anyone who saw him now. The bitter irony of it doesn't escape him. For all of his efforts to hide away, he's as exposed as he ever could be. Stripped down for all his ugly grief to be shown and exhibited.
His mind catches on the thought, tripping over the idea of those glances, the sympathy and all that pity directed at him. All those eyes sliding over the raw sores of his open wounds, tearing into his exposed flesh.
It freezes him, his breath hitching in panic. There's something hurt nesting in his throat this time.
Johnny.
The panic crests and Ghost squeezes his eyes shut. It's a stuttered half second before muscle memory orders him back to the present. As it always was, Ghost's leaden gaze fixes to him, something easing at the sight as he did. Even now. The rich browns remind him of his duty.
Ghost lays a heavy hand on the shiny polish. The paleness of his skin stands out amongst the chestnut. A whisper of a memory catches.
There's a laugh hovering around his ears, cocky and bright. Those black strands shining in the morning light turns into a rich chestnut brown. Scarred fingers catch the tip of a careless lock, eager to take a little bit of sunshine for himself. The contrast of their differing colouration catch his gaze instead and he finds himself marveling at how vibrant it was. Another laugh sounds.
"Simon." The shade whispers. "What are ye doing?"
Ghost jerks. His pale hand lies limp like a deadened husk on the casket. The gleaming silver of the cremator hangs in front. Johnny was gone.
He drags his hand off the chilled wood and glances at Prize and Gaz. Price's gaze sears; Ghost can see the mirrored guilt in those depths. Gaz's is all one jumble of pain, helpless anger bordering the sides of it. There's something so young about his expression that instantly shutters Ghost. He is abruptly reminded of himself at a younger age, before loss shaped his form into something unrecognisable.
Today was no less different.
There was still something in Ghost's fevered mind whispering Johnny's honeyed words into his ear. The sickened part of him that never wanted those last caresses to leave, hoped it was permanent. If Price had any inkling the man kept it to himself.
Ghost understood implicitly that Price knew more than he let on. Both of them were seasoned at breaking men apart; they could recognise when one was about to crack. Now, however, was not the time. Not now.
Price holds his gaze and nods shallowly back to him. Gaz follows suit. They stand at attention, posture perfect and ready.
It's time.
Ghost lingers on the lacquered wood for one final glance. His masked face stares back at him, distorted by the light reflecting off the curves of the casket.
It felt like a betrayal somehow, like taking that first final step was acceptance of bitter reality. Ghost knew he was giving into that hollowed lie, but Johnny would want it like this. He had spoken of his mountains, his lochs, the beauty that hung around desolate hills hewn in purple. Johnny had dreamed a life for them there once upon a time; Ghost would do his best to make it true.
Ghost nods to the woman again. His throat was too torn up with jagged shards for him to speak words. The only sounds left to him today were animal ones.
She wheels the casket in, that rich brown gradually swallowed up by lifeless steel.
The door closes with a mechanical whine.
She looks to him again in question.
There's a shallow twitch of his head.
The woman presses the button. It starts.
Ghost watches.
+
#ghostsoap#soapghost#cod mwiii#cod mw3#ghost x soap#soap x ghost#simon ghost riley#john soap mactavish#captain price#john price#kyle garrick#no comfort#cod drabble#my writing#debated putting this up on this blog#but i wanted my happier writing on a side blog instead#sorry guys#all sadness#no fix it#mw3 spoilers
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Y'know what hello, how're you doin
This is a free ride to ramble about Any subject that's been plaguing you lately. Go off.
HIII NYM TY FOR THE ASK, IM DOING GOOD
just got back from a trip and I spent most of the time thinking about some obscure ass fandom I was in that just suddenly came back to my brain???????? this fucken movie out of all things came to HAUNT me
red shoes and the seven fucking dwarfs - that movie about body positivity and the pressure of being perceived as ugly in a society that values appearance over everything else and the double standards that come with that, whose marketing royally fucking sucked and made everyone think this movie hated fat ppl???? when the main character is this girl
and she loves herself and is confident and knows that people are most likely to help her when she puts on those red shoes that make her skinny. and the movie pokes fun at all those makeover / sexy protagonist moments in romcoms and shit with genuinely funny recurring gags. like its not a revolutionary movie, but its a pretty good movie with very nice rep and i just KNOW that if it came out during the time ppl were making edits of merida, jack frost, hiccup and rapunzel, they would've ADDED the twink ass love interest guy because LOOK AT HIM?
mf is so 2010's fandom bait its not even FUNNY
like i was obsessed with this movie back in 2019-2020 or so and then a few weeks ago my brain was like "didn't you have. an OC for this?" and i went to check my art folder AND YEAH. I DO HAVE AN OC FOR THIS. I DID MAKE AN OC BASED ON THE QUEEN OF HEARTS AND THE JABBERWOCK
WHY? because theres a character in the movie that is literally. Prince Average. thats his name. hes based on the hunter from snow white and hes the lamest funniest bitch in this movie. i have zero respect for this blond lanky ass twink. his VA made a GREAT job at voicing him and adlibbing his lines bc hes so very hateable in a way thats super fun. i grabbed him by the back of his stupid ass shirt and decided he was my favorite and that i was going to inflict him with infinite amounts of projection and development and depth based on two lines in the movie and a single scene in the credits sequence
and he fucking lives in THIS castle???? sir???????? SIR?????????
"how is this related in any way to your OC, Prince?"
ITS SO VERY IMPORTANT TO ME THAT EVERYONE UNDERSTANDS I LOVE DYSFUNCTIONAL HOMOSEXUALS WHO ARE AWFUL PATHOLOGICAL LIARS, IMMATURE AND SHITTY, AND FULL OF EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE THEY INSIST ON IGNORING TO THE POINT WHERE YOU CANT TRUST THEM WITH THE NARRATIVE BC THEYRE TWISTING EVERY LITTLE THING TO WHATEVER IS CONVENIENT TO THEM.
AND ??? I JUST HAVE. ALL THIS ART ABOUT THEM. AND THEN 5 DOCS DETAILING SO MUCH SHIT ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP AND HISTORY AND PARALLELS AND MOTIFS ???
and then i got possessed to rewrite an old ass fanfic about them and i dont even know how i got here i havent thought about this fucking movie in a year or so
long story short i love latching onto Some Fucking Guy that is Painfully My Type and making him into my own little OC. everyone consider watching the movie, it rlly is pretty funny lmfao
#im not even done talking about them i have thoughts and opinions and so much shit in my brain#do i think about the relationship of two guys who met each other at their most honest. and who drifted apart so violently#that the idea of reuniting is painful bc it means allowing the one person that had faith in them to see how they ended up#anyway. they were also meant to kill each other but we dont have to talk about that#fellas is it gay to befriend the person who was meant to kill you. become codependent of each other. ghost each other for 10 years#and then have the universe force you two back together to break a curse bc even though you guys no longer recognize each other#youre still the only people who actually KNOW the other. in the whole world. the ONE person who tolerates your ass#they cant stand each other. they can pretty much read each others minds. theyre divorced. theyre obsessed. they deserve each other
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and i keep my side of the street clean
Summary: When a chat about the case of the murdered magician goes ugly, one of Jo Gar's longtime acquaintances walks up into the scene and chooses figurative violence against the lieutenant of the Manila Police Station who thinks he is right in accusing an innocent man of a murder he may not commit. Or "The Magician Murder" AU in which someone puts Sadi Ratan in his place. Title from Taylor Swift's "Karma".
Content warnings: mentions of murder case, swearing, abuse of power by authority, insult towards an honorable ex-government official, not-quite accurate depiction of legal processes in pre-Revised Penal Code era, mixed opinions on the American colonial government in the Philippines
Note: Edilberto Alcantara is an original character I have made for each and every Jo Gar 'verse. In the stories he is a lawyer who's had the honor of working under one of the most honorable government officials who would figure in the country's history under tragic circumstances (read WWII).
Edilberto knew that he was supposed to be home, in an apartment unit at the arrabal of Ermita where he’d been living two years ago. To be fair, though, he still went back to the house at Calle Azarraga, which his family had bought upon securing enough funds while he entering his teenage years, for the weekends or when he felt like it, since it felt more like home than he'd thought it was before moving out.
But Jo had asked him to come over at his little office near Escolta since he needed his unofficial opinion on a certain case, and he climbed up the stairs after waving a greeting to Wong Ling, who seemed to be fretting in his place. He had wanted to ask but he had no time. He arrived at the door, not locked as he knew Jo would not lock his door as force of habit, only to hear sounds of conversations.
He bent down and pressed his ear against the keyhole to listen to who and what they were talking.
He recognized Jo’s matter-of-fact tone of speaking, countering with the always charged (and angry) tone from Lieutenant Sadi Ratan. He resisted the urge to sigh, as he had known the lieutenant to be a pus-filled boil on your buttocks dressed in a handsome face and spotless uniform. He had intensely disliked the lieutenant from the get-go. They were discussing about the case of a murdered magician, Señor Dario Cardoro who had arrived in the country and was watching the cockfight this night, only to get into a problem after the last round.
What it was, Edilberto had no idea.
And then, as it often went, what was supposed to be a decent conversation (or at least on Jo Gar’s part) devolved into the usual ugly shit. He heard the lieutenant ask in a demanding tone if Jo would accept Señor Sam Markden’s commission as he was seen as prime suspect.
It’s his right, yawa, he wanted to retort, but kept himself silent so he could time his entrance.
Then, he heard the lieutenant accuse Jo Gar, “You are protecting an American. You have always protected them. You like them. He was your client.”
Really now? Edilberto asked, if only to himself. It was like accusing you that you liked the current Governor-General, who Edilberto did not like since the Conley Crisis. Also, why was the lieutenant taking issue with Jo taking Markden as a client?
To Jo’s credit, he was as calm as he could be. “I was not paid that well,” he answered. “I doubt that I could be paid that well. Riazo was not drugged. You have no proof of it.”
Ayos! Edilberto silently cheered with a little fist pump. Drag him to hell, Jo. You’re doing it right.
Hotly, the lieutenant fired back, “I stood over Juan Derigo when he told me—”
So you intimidated him, then? Edilberto wanted to ask him.
“A Filipino does not like to be beaten,” Edilberto heard Jo chuckle as he replied. And the statement was true, unfortunately. “He preferred to let you think as you wished.”
Ha! Take that, you sorry sack of ball-less cocks!
Again, he heard the lieutenant vow to Jo, “It will not be good for you to protect Markden, Señor Gar. When we have caught him—”
Unless proven otherwise, Lieutenant Idiot-Face. You forgot that part. You only have one job and you are blowing it.
“The birds were in condition,” cut off Jo, though he spoke slowly. “Each of them. Riazo was defeated. That was all.”
But Lieutenant Idiot-Face, er, Lieutenant Ratan said, as though he had discovered buried treasure, “It is not all. Cardoro stood up and shouted that he would not pay.” Okay, so the man had money problems, and that’s the least of Edilberto’s worries right now. He was worried about the horrid fucker insisting that he was right despite the fact that his arguments could be thrown away by any sane juez de la paz. “I saw Markden’s face—”
Oh, you could read faces now? Good for you, Edilberto sarcastically said if to himself.
The lieutenant continued, “—there was hate in his eyes. And Cardoro was murdered. A spur knife was used. Markden has vanished. We have searched the city for him. He is the killer of the magician!”
And yet in your hate towards Jo Gar, you haven’t killed him. Also, why must you insist on something not yet fully proven? Anger was simmering in the young attorney. Were his former boss present in Jo’s office and was confronted by someone like Sadi Ratan, he would dismantle the lieutenant’s arguments with calm logic and knowledge of the law. He would gently but firmly rip them apart, one by one, until nothing was left for the lieutenant.
Jo replied with a sigh, “Then it is all very simple. You will find him, and that will be the end.”
Unless the court says otherwise, Jo. You forgot that part.
The calm must have driven Lieutenant Ratan crazy. Angry, perhaps. Which was why he would commit one of the most blatantly terrible acts of injustice Edilberto would hear him threaten Jo.
“And you will be brought to trial for lying to me, a police officer!” Edilberto heard Lieutenant Ratan fiercely threaten Jo Gar.
Anger shot through Edilberto. How dare Lieutenant Sadi Ratan accuse everyone and anyone of lying without solid proof! He wanted to puke and not because of beer, and he didn’t even drink! And he hadn’t made Jo swear an oath to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, an abomination of everything he had learned at law school and his ongoing stint at the Department of Justice. And he would have him tried for a crime he was trying to prove with only conjectures? No solid evidence?
That’s it, I’ve had enough!
He swung the door open and stepped inside the little office of his late cousin’s friend. “‘Lying to me?’” he repeated the words mockingly as a greeting to the lieutenant. He closed the door behind him a little too strongly and raised a brow at the lieutenant. “Who the fuck do you think Jo Gar is, your wayward husband?” he asked crisply and coolly like the amihan winds of December.
That made both men jump out on where they were standing. Cold satisfaction ran through the young attorney when the police lieutenant went stiff and his eyes grew comically wide. Jo Gar blinked a few times.
The “wayward husband” remark must have disoriented them, he thought.
It took both men time to recover from this dramatic greeting, Jo calming down first and greeting him with a faint smile, “Compañero Alcantara, what a pleasant surprise.” Relief washed over Jo’s countenance, though he hid it behind his usual expressionless face.
Edilberto smiled at Jo Gar and answered, “I thought you’ve already known that I would be here, since you sent me a message before I left home. And I do believe that Lieutenant Sadi Ratan here would quickly accuse me of conflict of interest even if I am just here for a different reason.” He delivered the last sentence in a cutting, sarcastic manner he’d always use when dealing with the lieutenant.
“How long have you been listening to us, Compañero Alcantara?” Edilberto turned to the police lieutenant, who was fuming so badly that he could see smoke out of his nose and ears.
The attorney directed his eyes towards Lieutenant Ratan, curled his lips in a here comes trouble smirk that had been a family trademark. He answered, “Long enough to hear you accusing of Señor Gar of liking Americans and committing perjury even if he has not sworn to someone who is fit to administer an oath. And then quickly accuse of Señor Markden of killing Señor Cardoro on the basis of—what?” He blurted out the last word in a mocking laugh. “Simply because he had dug up dirt on the man? That’s not how things work, Lieutenant. I thought you know better. I was wrong.”
He watched Jo Gar watching this unfold with interest and a bit of worry. He must have known that Edilberto hated the lieutenant, even more so when he watched the lieutenant trying to get under Jo’s skin. His underhanded tactics made Edilberto seethe no matter what.
Then his eyes went right back to Lieutenant Ratan as he grew red on the face. He must have hit where it hurt the most. Good, let him be angry and make his head explode.
Then Lieutenant Sadi Ratan exploded, making him barely flinch, “He lied to me! He is having Señor Markden hide behind him even though he is the killer of Señor Cardoro!”
Edilberto recovered from the outburst, thinking that Lieutenant Ratan sounded more like a lover scorned than a member of the Manila Police District. He asked, “Did you administer an oath to Jo Gar? Because from what I have heard, you did not. You just fired out accusations towards Señor Markden based on flimsy evidence and conjectures. If you tried to push it to trial stage at the court, even at the First Instance, the juez de la paz will laugh at your arguments. And while Señor Markden is suspected of killing Cardoro, he still has the right to ask for aid, legal aid.”
“Asking for aid from Señor Gar is not legal aid!” fired Sadi Ratan back.
“Doesn’t he have the right for an attorney?”” Edilberto countered matter-of-factly. “Is that not legal aid?” He watched the lieutenant grow mad once more and he was steps away from what his sister would call an apoplexy. He continued, “Plus, you already presumed him guilty, Lieutenant Ratan. That is not how it works.” He jutted his chin and pointed out, “He is still innocent until judged otherwise by the court of law.”
“And you are siding with Señor Markden, too,” Sadi Ratan accused him, pointing an accusatory finger at him. “You are supposed to be on the side of the law. I thought you know better.”
Edilberto rose an eyebrow on that, amused at this feeble show of power. “Why, I have been hearing that accusation too often,” he remarked, his voice mild but acerbic. He commented, “I must have gotten the lessons from my ex-boss wrong. I thought practicing fairness is important. Maybe I should visit him once more for some…clarification on the matter.”
“But I thought he had resigned from the Cabinet, Compañero Alcantara?” Jo Gar asked as he reached out for the packet of his favorite cigarettes in his coat.
“Which is why I said ‘ex-boss,’ Jo,” Edilberto pointed out with a smile on his face. “I still look up to him, though.”
He returned his stare to the lieutenant, who had dropped his finger when he saw how unfazed the attorney was. Which was a good sign, as it meant that what he’d said frazzled his non-existent brain.
“But he worked for Americans, and you work for Americans, Compañero Alcantara,” the lieutenant blurted out, gritting his teeth. He pointed to Jo and said, “And he likes working with Americans! He likes them and you like them!”
“So what?” Edilberto asked sharply. That this police lieutenant had the audacity to insult his former boss and his more-than stellar career in the government made his blood boil. Never mind he insulted his, but not that of the ex-Justice Secretary! It should earn him a punch or two, but that would be for another day. He stalked forwards, eyes and spirit hardened as he made Sadi Ratan stumble back.
Edilberto icily responded to the latter’s assault on the former Secretary, “My ex-boss was a pensionado, true. He also used to be part of the Cabinet as Justice Secretary before resigning. And guess who is leading the Cabinet? An American Governor-General! Does that make him pro-American? I don’t know except that my ex-boss is a fair and honorable man and is better at serving the people than you are.”
He smirked again at the arrogant lieutenant, who was utterly speechless, and pointed out, “And who is chief of the Manila Police District? An American! Your boss is often out of sight that we forget that he existed. And as for Americans asking for Jo’s help? That, Lieutenant Sadi Ratan, is none of your fucking business.”
He caught sight of Jo Gar looking at him in surprise. He knew that Jo had not seen him this angry towards anyone. Among his family and friends and in Jo’s opinion (at least how he’d say it), he had always been the mediator, the peaceful center amidst the chaotic dynamics.
He went on and said, “I’m not going to lie. It is not ideal, and I am not going to pretend that we do not have blood and muck up our necks because we work with Americans. Do not pretend that you are safe from it, either. You, too, are stained with the same shit as Jo and I are.”
“That is one way of putting it, Compañero,” Jo mildly said to Edilberto as he lit another cigarette. “But I fear that Lieutenant Ratan will not understand what you are telling him.”
Edilberto shook his head. “I’ve given up hope, Jo,” answered the attorney with a wave of his hand. “If he stays like that, that is on him.”
Then his attention went back to Lieutenant Ratan, who was standing there, angry defiance vibrating through him. He would not admit defeat, Edilberto thought to himself. He quietly told the police officer, “I will not be the cause of your downfall. Nor Jo Gar will be the cause of your downfall. You are already doing damn fine job yourself. But if you decide to go ahead with your threats and damn the consequences, go ahead. I will not stop you.”
Lieutenant Sadi Ratan reared back in shock. The shift in his tone must have jarred his brain and that he was giving the lieutenant an opportunity, a choice.
“I will warn you,” Edilberto continued, still mild in tone but with the rage in its undertones, “that since you are fond of committing this particular sin, a false charge can ruin a person. Arresting anyone on false charges can ruin them more. No one is safe from being falsely accused and being jailed for it. Señor Markden may not be safe. Señor Gar may not be safe. I may not be safe. You may not be safe either. So be careful if you keep proceeding. Do not say I have not warned you, Lieutenant Ratan.”
Their eyes clashed, and Lieutenant Sadi Ratan gave him a hard stare. Edilberto returned it with a frigid glare, his lips in a challenging not-quite smile. It was not long before Lieutenant Sadi Ratan broke the spell and walked away, but not without bumping into Edilberto’s shoulder, making the attorney stumble a little, and slammed the door shut. Edilberto muttered something unsavory about the lieutenant as he rubbed his affected shoulder.
Edilberto looked at Jo once more and let out a shaky breath of relief. “That ataya. He should have seen it coming,” he muttered as he approached Jo. “Sorry if I screwed it up.”
“On the other hand, you did well,” Jo said, patting him on the shoulder. “I’m just worried that he would go after you.”
“On what grounds?” Edilberto asked as he sat on the fan-backed chair Jo had motioned for him to take. “That I warned him of the consequences if he continues to be an animal?” He pronounced the last word as his Cebuano parents would pronounce it when feeling annoyance towards anyone who acted uncouthly. “He can file a complaint to our acting boss if he wants to and if he has solid evidence. I’m not going to stop him because I know what is right and he is wrong. He made his bed, so let him sleep in it.”
Jo shook his head. “And yet you deal with him in a way you are daring him,” he told him, his blue-gray eyes on him, weariness evident in his countenance. “I wish I have half of your audacity to call him out like that. But it may take too much of my energy.”
Edilberto felt sympathy for him as he watched Jo run his fingers through his graying hair. Dealing with a stress inducer like Lieutenant Sadi Ratan would take a toll on anyone, even the unflappable Island Detective. He couldn’t blame him, though, if he wanted to deal with the lieutenant in a way he thought best.
“Whatever suits you best, Jo,” assured Edilberto. “But by God, I am steps away from punching his face! I wish I do not have to, because if I do, my family will be disappointed in me.”
Jo appeared to want to say something but closed his mouth and only nodded. “Well, let us set that aside, Edilberto, and discuss that case I am working on before the murder of Señor Cardoro. I would need your advice on how it is best handled in the legal matters.”
Edilberto let out a sigh. At last they had something to divert themselves from the debacle involving the aggressive idiot of a lieutenant.
***
And so, when Edilberto Alcantara heard that Sam Markden had been jailed for the murder of Dario Cardoro, his shoulders slumped. But when he read an article from the most recent edition of The Philippine Herald in his office at the Department of Justice, it turned out that it was Miss Jessie Rayne’s Spanish companion, Señora Elena Riggio, who killed the magician out of spite and a history that ended bitterly. Markden was let go because of this development.
That last bit of news had been heartening, but it made him angry too. Lieutenant Sadi Ratan let himself be carried away by his delusions of grandeur, believing that his word was gold. It turned out to be gold-hued enamel coating over a celluloid bauble. Because of him, he ruined the life of an innocent man with a false accusation and its resulting arrest.
And Jo Gar outwitted him again.
He knew that it did not have to be like that. Had the lieutenant been imbued with half the integrity and willingness to be corrected like his ex-superior, he would have done a fine job. But no, he did not.
There was nothing he could do. Lieutenant Sadi Ratan had brought this upon himself, and there was no one to blame but him alone. He had warned the man but he did not listen.
Now go stand in a corner and think about what you did, Lieutenant Idiot-Face.
For now, Edilberto decided to go on with his life.
He stood from his desk and placed the newspaper on a table along with the others in today’s edition. Going back to his place, he resumed his job, reviewing paperwork for an upcoming meeting with fellow lawyers on a case they were going to pursue at court.
#fanfic: and i keep my side of the street clean#jo gar#island detective#west of guam#raoul whitfield#the magician murder#the magician murder au#original character: edilberto alcantara#cw: abuse of power#cw: mentions of murder#fanfic#fanfic au
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Jess Watches // Tues 21 Nov // Day 60 Synopses & Favourite Scenes & Poll
Ugly Betty (rewatching with mum) 3x05 Granny Pants
Kimmie (Lindsay Lohan) comes to Mode to ask for Betty's help in getting a job there. She soon rises through ranks at Mode, and Betty worries that Kimmie might screw her over again, like in high school.
I have never understood people who say being in High School are the best years of your life. Being a teenager is awful. So much drama and heightened emotions. The lack of control over any aspect of your life. It's not at all surprising that HS is traumatizing for some people. Eff you, Kimmie. Also, Wilhelmina looked softly stunning on her date with Daniel.
Survival of the Thickest (with mum) 1x02 Be a Bad Boss Bitch, Bitch!
While adjusting to life as a newly single woman, Mavis takes on a styling gig for a former supermodel who goes viral and inspires a new perspective.
Marley is such a good friend! She's so supportive and always ready with a compliment when putting things in perspective. Someone who helps make you feel good about who you are. Also, Garcelle Beauvais was a knockout in that green dress. I was not expecting her to pull that out of her bag. 💀 < me and her ex-husband
The Owl House 3x01 Thanks to Them
Luz and her friends find themselves stuck in the human realm and are willing to go to daring lengths to return to the Boiling Isles.
The joy at seeing so many queer pride flags in the opening credits and also throughout the episode! Dana really showing Disney that not only will she not compromise her story or the characters in it, but she can also make it so much more gayer! And I loved Camilla educating herself about her kids identity and showing her support with the pride pin and by being an awesome parent.
The Lazarus Project 1x01 Episode 1
George, who begins to re-live time after witnessing the world end, is recruited into an organization that uses this power to prevent apocalyptic events.
As I was watching I thought about writing something witty about time loops. Then that last scene at the school dropoff happened and I was shouting at George to get off the bloody phone! They've gone past the checkpoint and he can't undo it, right? Nooooooo.
#ugly betty#survival of the thickest#the owl house#the lazarus project#polls#tumblr polls#jess watches#day 60
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thank you for the tag for this @irabelasvhenas!! i love soundtrack memes and i totally don't have a playlist for my girl, nooooooo whatever would make you think-
RULES: Make a post with links to music and/or lyrics describing six things/events about your OC/story.
event that defines your character's past:
All this time I'm still addicted To all the pain that I've inflicted What's the price for living through this? Tried to pray, got no reply Tried to pray, got no reply Tried to pray, got no reply Tried to pray, got no reply Tried to, tried to, tried to, tried to Mutilating, carving smiles, but she still can't conceal All the pain behind her eyes, with the devil, make a deal
how others see them:
I know I'm rare, you stop and stare You think I care, I don't You talk real loud But you ain't saying nothing cool I can fit your whole house in my swimming pool My life's a fantasy That you're not smart enough to even dream My ice is making me freeze You can try and try you can't beat me So I'll cash my checks and place my bets And hope I'll always win Even if I don't I'm fucked because I live a life of sin But it's alright, I don't give a damn I don't play your rules, I make my own Tonight I'll do what I want 'Cause I can
how your character see themselves:
I just wanna feel something, tell me where to go 'Cause everybody knows something I don't wanna know So I'll stay right here 'cause I'm better all alone Yeah I'm better all alone I am not a woman, I'm a God I am not a martyr, I'm a problem I am not a legend, I'm a fraud So keep your heart, 'cause I already got one
their closest relationship (romantic or platonic):
When we were young, we used to live so close to it And we were scared and we were beautiful And when I peered over the edge and seen death, if we are always the same Oh, and I feel that nothing in life could ever be like this again 'Cause your love kept me alive and made me insane There were moments when it seemed okay (But I go back alone) To this moment away, where do you stay? (I go back alone) There was a time when the music would play
a major fight scene:
Oh, you're so under the thumb Four fingers from a knuckle sandwich Trying my blood, it's just a starter No one tastes like me, yeah I'm pretty like a car crash Ugly as a lullaby You really wanna try it Experiment on me Experiment on me
end credits:
What will it take to make you capitulate? We appreciate power We appreciate power Elevate the human race, putting makeup on my face We appreciate power We appreciate power, power Simulation, give me something good God's creation, so misunderstood Pray to the divinity, the keeper of the key One day everyone will believe
#bg3#bg3 oc#bg3 dark urge#{/ oc: mefiis— oh look what father dragged in!#[/ . . . . ask and you shall receive#we're gonna ignore how much grimes is on her playlist lmaoooo#all of the songs were chosen on VibesTM and if they lyrics fit thats It tyvm#Spotify
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Hiyaaaa Jess! Here for the ask game 💛💙I got sooo much to say so here we go
•A compliment
You are such a talented writer! The way you can immerse the reader into the story and transport them to whatever scene is happening. Your descriptors and descriptions are nothing to play around with and you capture complex feelings in short, precise words. Whenever I read a chapter of yours, I'm devasted (in the best way) bc it sits with me and I can reflect and even reread the newly posted chapter all over again cuz it's that impactful into my mind. You just get teenagehood so well, the messy ugly sides of it, and I respect that 100%
•Why you follow me
Honestly its cuz you're a real cool person! And you're not afraid to speak your mind which reflects in your awesome storytelling skills
•A cute message
Wanna let you know when that escape convict man was running wild, I got my whole fam to pray for your wellbeing and safety so your neck of the woods would be protected 🙏🏽
•One thing you want to know about me
Also what's your fav food? You know I'm a foodie so I always appreciate what's the next meal to eat lol 😋
I tried not to do them all since I don't send you asks that much and I try not to get too wordy, but had to let a moot know how awesometacular they are point blank period!!!
P.S. read your latest chapter and the madwheeler got me in my feels
Okay I've been sitting on this one for a couple days because 😭😭😭
You are just too kind. And one of the sweetest people with some of the best takes I've come to on here. Honestly not sure what to do about the first two parts of this other than get all shy and say thank you. So thank you love. It means more than you know. As for the writing thing, I do find teenagers really interesting to delve into their inner lives because, welp, we were all teens once, and the way they feel the world is so visceral and selfish and a lot of times black and white and dealing with a LOT of things in their life that are so complicated and very hard and adult and I don't think teenagers are given enough credit. So to be able to explore some different things in fanfic is always fun! Also, for me personally, it helps by looking back on my own experience and trauma that I experienced as a teenager ( and put it into something healthy. I put A LOT of love and care into my writing and so its just nice when someone like you (who always engages with such intelligence and deep thought) tells me that they get something out of it! Truly just makes me happier than ever!
Oh god, that you told your whole family to pray for me 😭😭. that's the cutest shit i've ever heard! what a wild ride that was!
Oh??? Favorite food?? I think I'd have to say sushi. Japanese, Korean, or traditional Chinese are for me! ☺️ The others I got are nachos or any street-style Mexican food and Italian! I make a mean classic alfredo and ?! 😋 You've met another foodie so sorry if that was like TOO MUCH FOOD.
For the Ask Game <3
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