#it's so hard to BE a good person when you are trapped in a cycle of violence

[valodia]

. (long tags)

[watchmakermori]

every single episode of attack on titan season 4 is basically saying in bright flashing neon letters ‘do not demonise people who seem different to you. you are the same in all the ways that matter. painting others as evil only leads to senseless violence, which causes more violence in turn until you are trapped in an endless cycle of it’ and yet somehow all the crunchyroll comments are full of people like ‘eren did nothing wrong’ ‘i hope someone kills gabi’ ‘marleyans deserve to die because they struck first’ like oh my godd oh my god oh my fucking god. did the wind part your hair when the point sailed over your head

[myheartxmyman]

Right now I feel so old and sad at the same time. Those feelings are so strong I feel paralyzed and slow.

[technoturian]

Regardless of my feelings about the BoS as a whole in the Fallout series, Maximus as a character exceeded all my expectations.

Maximus, honestly, to me, was the most nuanced and best acted character in the series. His situations were fantastical and yet the way he reacted to it all was so grounded. He was like a prestige drama character in a series full of cartoons. Don't get me wrong, I like the cartoons. Fallout leans heavily into parody and it's totally on brand. But Maximus' entire emotional arc was so understated and I really appreciated it.

He isn't a very vocal OR excessively emotive character because he knows being vulnerable hurts him. He shapes himself to that idealized memory of the knight in the armor even as he doesn't seem to really understand or care for the beliefs behind the armor. He's failing his classes as an aspirant. When talking of the BoS beliefs, he throws in a "or whatever". That part of it doesn't matter to him. The armor IS his belief system.

His whole story is about the cycle of violence and toxicity. The bullies who beat him. The abuse he endures. He wants power so that he can escape it but once he gets that chance he's doomed to perpetuate it, because that power is coming from the system. It's tainted. Deep down he doesn't want revenge, he doesn't even want power for power's sake, he wants safety. And he wants to be the hero from his memory, he wants the strength to save himself from this cycle.

And yet, he just keeps making he wrong choices. Over and over and over. He can't get out of it.

And then Lucy throws him a lifeline. And it takes someone from outside of the cycle to break through. And then he makes the choice to do the right thing even though it means making himself weaker, making himself less safe. He chooses to do the right thing for the first time in the show. And it means finally letting go of his dream, the armor.

And he sees a light at the end of the tunnel. He thinks his reward is going to be Vault 33, he's going to be safe and happy with someone who cares about him and makes him feel like a real, good person.

And by the end of the series, he's trapped in the cycle again.

There is just something so delicious about someone getting everything they wanted at the start and being miserable about it. There's something so REAL about wanting to be something but every instinct makes you sabotage yourself every step of the way.

And the thing is, he had all of these little moments of genuineness, selfishness, pettiness, virtue, I genuinely didn't know what he was going to do for most of the show. I thought he might turn on Lucy at some point. I honestly, truly thought he had sabotaged Dane even though Dane was his only friend. He is so morally hard to pin down because he's so full of life's little hypocrisies. His ideals and his feelings are in conflict so much and he doesn't have to look anguished for you to understand that. You just see it in his resigned stares, in his hesitance and his ultimate actions.

I just... I really loved Maximus. Bravo to Aaron Moten.

[anadiasmount]

tainted memories - jude bellingham.

wow wow okay hi!! sorry for the break i took. i began uni again after my holiday so i haven’t been as active on here. but i received this request for jude, and decided to try it out. please leave some feedback as us writers appreciate it a lot 🤍🧟‍♀️

summary: breaking up wasn’t apart of the plan. so was also inviting him to your friends party, but now that he’s back after seven months, a little rekindle never hurts anyone, right?

angst? smut and fluff. minors dni! 🔞

wc: 3.6k

“need any help?” you turned slowly to be faced with those soft brown eyes. his plump lips drew in as he peeked his head through the door. you shook your head and got back to washing the dishes. “you going to continue ignoring me?” he said causing you to begin breathing quicker than before, after feeling his presence come behind you. 

you were in charge of one of your girlfriends all -white all-white-themed surprise party, in honor of her birthday. this meant you’d see jude after breaking up over 7 months ago, since your friends were friends with his. while seeing familiar faces made you happy, you couldn't help but feel sad all over again. jude and you ended on good terms, so he thought, after he stressed he wanted to focus on his last months at dortmund and start with his new team in madrid. 

you didn’t want to split, rather try and make your relationship work and get through the obstacles you were bound to face together. you physically and mentally weren't prepared to let him go, he was your person, the person who never failed to make you feel like the luckiest girl. you were his, but instead, you let him go, and respected what he asked.

you began a new cycle all over again, from having that hard shell that protected you to being his girlfriend, then back to being that old person you were building your walls up again. people came and went in your life, its what you were used to, and you thought with jude it was different… he made you feel different, in many positive aspects, always supportive, loving, caring, and soft with you. 

maybe you pushed him away? maybe you gave him a reason to leave? maybe you weren’t enough for him? 

jude being jude still tried to keep contact, he would text, sometimes call, but you knew deep inside you wouldnt be able to move on if he was still present. it hurt because he wasn’t yours anymore, you still loved him, after months being apart, he still brought that spark inside you to burst. it was his effect burned inside you. 

the familiar perfume and scent blinded your senses, when you felt two arms trap you from behind, two hands on the edge of the counter. “you haven’t said a single word to me y/n…” you shuddered as he whispered in your ear, his nose tracing your jaw down to the nape of your neck. “say something, please…” the pleading in his voice broke your heart. you dried your hands and turned around. 

his face centimeters apart from yours, where you could see his brows fluttering in and eyes darker than usual. “excuse me,” you tried to move out of the way but he refused, “no. did i say or do something? you don’t answer my calls? my messages? tell me why.” you opened your mouth to speak but instead you shook your head again, attempting to move out the way, you still had the responsibility of the party, that was your priority right now. 

“y/n-”

“no. you don’t get to do that. you said you wanted your space, and i’m respecting that. i don’t have to give you reasons as to why i’m not speaking with you, jude. what we had was said and done, you wanted to focus on yourself and that's great- “

“y/n? are you done with the dishes were waiting on you to surprise emmy,” one of your friends said, becoming slightly awkward at the room with your ex. she sensed the high tension so she quickly went back outside. jude’s hand wrapped around your wrist, your attention back on him, “we're talking later. we ended on good terms and i plan for them to remain that way,” jude insisted, to which you only nodded your head. 

he was confused. for once in his life he was confused that you were such a stranger around him. the girl that stayed up with him while he reminisced and spoke of his early days at birmingham, the one and only girl his mum loved and adored, his girl who made his favorite dish after a bad game, the girl who smiled only around him, the only girl who never failed to bring and feel butterflies in him, the one girl who defended him always, and that girl who made him into a bigger and better person. that girl, his girl, wasn’t there anymore. 

maybe he lost you for good? maybe you didn’t love him anymore? maybe you were seeing someone? no, you were his, only his. 

the night was successful, the surprise went to plan, and everyone was having a good time. although you were still stuck from earlier, trying to do anything to distract your thoughts from him, whether it was picking up cups, heating up food, talking with your girls especially, and drink the special cocktail you loved dearly. your eyes trailed over to him again, where you locked eye contact for the hundredth time that night. he looked good, way too good, twenty was treating him right. 

“you and jude keep ogling? something going on?” you friend asked, catching onto the lingering glances. she took a sip of her red cup, “nothing really. he wants to talk but i don't know if i’m ready for that. i knew he would be coming, but i wasn’t prepared to see him like that. what if he tells me he found someone else? or that-” you panic rubbing your forehead with your palm. 

“first breathe, i’m here with you. as much as it may hurt or feel slightly uncomfortable, it's the closure you may need to move on. but what if he wants to talk with you to rekindle again? do you think you would be open to that? and if he says he’s someone else, show him what he will miss on. you're beautiful y/n, and he was lucky to have you once in his life, just don’t let him bring you down again…” 

she was right. if he did move on, that wasn’t your place to meddle, you’d have to let him go and be happy for him. but if he did want to consider getting back together, why now? why now when he’s living his best life in madrid? why now after saying he wanted to focus on himself? why now when you’re trying to avoid those soft brown eyes who once brought happiness to you, still do…

“just think about it yeah? right now lets dance, distract yourself from him and the world,” she yelled as soon as krazy by pitbul begin to play. you laughed and danced with your girls, letting loose and for once not caring for what anyone said or did. you threw back two shots, knowing they weren’t going to do anything as you weren't a lightweight. 

as the night came to an end, mostly everyone had left, besides him. you said your goodbyes to your friends, offering them leftovers of food and cake, making sure to wish them a be careful, and promising to hang out soon. you sighed tiredly closing the front door, looking over at the big couch that drew you in to sit down on. jude appears, but all you do is stare at your hands, tracing the small tattoos you have to get rid of the anxiety beginning to build up.

“i want to apologize, you were right. i did say i wanted to focus on myself but i was stupid thinking it would’ve still meant us talking like we always did. part of me never wanted to let go of you, and still doesn’t. i thought that i was doing the right thing but in the end i learned the hard way that not only was i hurting myself but you along…” jude says, watching as your head slowly lifts up, your cheeks burning red.

“while it was hard on me, my mind always traced back to you. how your eyes filled with confusion and tears when i broke up with you. i get why you didn’t want anything to do with me, but believe me it was harder to not hear or see you on the daily. please don’t blame yourself for one bit, or think you aren’t enough because you’re more than perfect than what i could’ve asked for…”

“i needed to get away from you, but it's hard doing that when your ex-boyfriend is the talk of the town,” you joke hearing him let out a small chuckle. “i wanted to so badly respond to hear your voice, how you were doing, talk about our silly work problems but i knew if that i continued to hold onto the hope one day you’d come back, it would hurt more than loving you every day,” you said.

“i was confused yeah, but i needed to think on the brighter side that you were doing this for yourself and not for any other reason. I just wanted the best for you and i thought that distancing myself was the best idea… i still love you so much jude, and this, us, hurts. i’m not yours, and i can’t call you mine anymore, i can’t hold or kiss you, love you like i did…” you continued. 

“when i heard you weren’t doing okay after three months i almost caved in, but i thought you would’ve hated me or worse just not care. and to not have you like i once did was taking a toll on me. my mom was concerned as to why we broke up, but i couldn’t tell her the truth. i hurt you and im so sorry baby…” jude cried out, grabbing your hands and kissing over your knuckles. 

“I want and need you back… i still love you more than ever, and if you let me i can prove to you im now a better and mature man…” he pauses and breathes in, “leaving you was the scariest thing i’ve encountered, not having you by my side taught me i can't live or sleep without you there…”

“and if you say all of this to just leave me again? or you regret your decision to get back with me?” you can’t help but ask, letting a few tears out. what if it got too much for him? you wouldn’t be able to live with another heartache caused by him again. you need to hear him say he’s in it for the long run, not one where he can just up and go whenever he pleases. 

“i can assure you right here, right now, that you’re it for me. you’re my future wife, the mother to my kids, the only person i want to grow old with. the only girl who’ll support me at the end of the day no matter what. the only woman who i will forever love and cherish…” you giggle and choke on a sob, feeling jude’s thumb wipe away the tears. 

“don’t leave me… that all i ask. but i need you too jude. all i ask is for you to communicate with me, for us to give each other the assurance we need to move forward, that at the end of the day you’re the only one i come back to, to watch spy kids over and over again,” you say making him chuckle, watching as he let out some tears. You wiped them away, brushing your thumb over his soft cheek, his eyes closing at the feeling. “So were really doing this?” you ask. “yes we are really doing this…” jude says leaning and scooting closer to you. 

you leaned in, his eyes slowly fluttering closed, was this real? the touch of his lips connecting with yours confirmed it. the way his larger hand cupped your cheek and pulled closer, completely taking your breath away. you whimpered softly as his tongue entered your mouth, him groaning at the smallest sound you made. you brought your hands and cupped his upper shoulders before bringing your smaller palm on his cheek. 

jude pulled you onto his lap where you felt the big prominent bulge, leaning forward and grabbing your torso to hold you in place. his lips quickly connected back with yours, tilting his head to the side a bit as he pulled you closer, chest to chest. “jude…” you let out quietly, the tension all becoming too much, too hot… 

“yes? fuck- d-do you wanna stop?” he whispered faintly on your lips, to which you shook your head no. you leaned back slightly, your hands going back to unzip the white dress you were wearing, jude’s eyes roaming from your swollen lips down to your chest where your white lace bra covered what he wanted to see. “are you sure? i don’t want you to regret this y/n…” 

“i’m more than sure that i want this… i need you, jude. just like you just said…” he groaned and pulled you back towards him, where he kissed your lips like a hungry starved man. peppering kisses from your jaw, down to your neck, and that exact spot he manages to find that makes you go crazy. he bites down gently then sucks the skin where he marked you, kissing softly over it. “i need you too. need you so bad my cock’s aching to feel you again…”

he lays you down onto the plushy soft couch, grabbing a pillow and laying underneath your head. jude quickly removes the dress but leaves you with your white undergarments, his hands dragging your sides, observing your body like it would be his last time seeing it. you begin to cover yourself but he stops you, grabbing your hands with one of his and trapping them above you head. 

he kisses you softly on your lips, then your forehead in reassurance, “don’t cover up baby. you’re so beautiful and all mine, yeah?” you nodded leaning up to kiss him again. he lets go of your hands, watching as you sit up again, overlooking at your fingers fidgeting with the button on his top. he lets you do it, your warm palms connecting with now his bare chest, running your thumb over his nipple, looking up shyly to see jude bitting his bottom lip.

as you lay back down, you watch as he removes his pants, his erected cock lined against his black calvins. “staring at me now?” jude teased, his hands resting on your knees as he pulled them apart to settle between them. “can’t help it, jude. you’re so handsome,” you complimented watching as he smirked. “and i’m all yours, right? say it y/n…”

“all mine.”

“good. because all that nonsense from before isn’t true. you’ve always been mine… only mine.” jude removed your bra, kissing from your collarbone down through your sternum, to finally sucking the hard erected nipple into his mouth. a soft moan left your lips, arching your back just a bit, while your hands gently grabbed his head. you didn’t expect your night to end like this, but you weren’t complaining since jude knew what exactly to do. he knew what brought you to the point where you saw only stars. 

your eyes connected, watching as he flatly laid his warm tongue on the bud before sucking it again, twisting the tip of his tongue before doing the same to the other nipple. you felt as his lips traced all over your abdomen and hipbone, feeling as he removed the only thing that was left covering you. “can i taste you? make you cum all over my tongue again?” you moaned at his words, telling him to go on. 

one hand kept your inner thigh open, as the other one rested over his shoulder. he kissed along the inner flesh before kissing and sucking your clit into his mouth. he groaned, watching as your eyes rolled back. his tongue moved up and down various on the small bead before going left to right, kitty licking all the way down to your coated entrance. “oh fuck!” you yelled out, as he brought two fingers and began to flick them in and out, hitting that certain spot that brought you closer and closer than ever. 

he tilted his head to the side, his curls ticking your inner thigh as he began to flick over your clit once again. Jude’s fingers now flicking inside you, “i can’t, i’m close jude…” you said bringing your hands to play with your tits. “yeah? then cum for me y/n. cum all over my tongue like i asked,” to which you yelped and moaned as you felt on cloud nine again, closing your eyes and letting the feeling of euphoria linger all over you body. 

he overstimulated you just for a bit, then kissed all the way back up again to your lips, where gripped your hips, grinding into you to relieve himself. “you feel that? that’s how you make me feel baby…” he whispers feeling as your hand slides down his abs, to the waistband of his underwear. the kiss is heated, tongues fighting for dominance, jude pulling away sometimes to groan or moan against your neck, as you gave him the sloppiest handjob. 

feeling as he twitches on your palm as you guide your hand up and down, tugging and wrapping your grip tightly before soothing over it. “i need to cum… but not like this. can i fuck you now?” he admits, looking over and making sure there are no signs of you being unsure or regret. “please jude, i want to feel you a-ag-again…” you shuddered as you felt his hot tip being dragged up and down your slit. 

one hand helped him stay up, while the other one guided his cock inside you, the familiar stretch of your walls as he easily slides into you. the two of you moan in delight, stunned at the pleasure as jude begins to roll his hips, going deeper and deeper. arching your back as he pulled out his cock and then quickly rolled back in. “jude..” you moan like a devotion, squeezing him tight, hearing him let out a grunt before feeling him thrust back into you. 

you cry out as you feel his big length find a nice wave of ecstasy for the two of you, jude’s head falling into your shoulder trying to hold back from cumming on the spot. “you feel so so so good baby. such a tight pussy for me…” he moans out when you scratch his back and grip his biceps. you look down to see where your bodies meet, a wet mess that has you rolling your head back again. 

“oh god jude… you’re so deep i can’t-” you turn your head to the side as he finds your g-spot thrusting over and over again, his hips slapping against yours. it couldn't get more better than this. jude grabs your chin and kisses you passionately, swallowing your moans and pleads. “you’re gonna cum for me? need and want you to cum on my cock y/n… show me how much of a good girl you are and cum on my cock, baby.”

jude makes it his goal to have you cumming for him, but you try to hold off so you can cum together. every cell in your body is on fire, ready to burst into fire because it feels so good. it gets harder by the second as he picks up the pace, his thrusts sloppier by the second, moaning your name, resulting in you clenching around him. you're unable to form coherent words, just hearing his breathing getting louder, your chest rising. “i’m nearly there y/n, want you to cum with me, can you do that?”

“yes jude… but i beg you to please don’t stop it.”

jude let’s go of your hips, forehead falling with yours as he reaches his high, feeling his cock twitching inside you, his cum lacing your wet walls with his release. your body tenses for a second, the hot feeling now being replaced by cold waves as you cum, lazily kissing as jude lays on your chest. “i love you, y/n, so much.”

“i love you too Jude. forever like we promised.”

after going up for a shower, jude takes care of you, since you were unable to walk properly. he makes sure you’re hydrated, wearing the plaid shorts you love with a black long sleeve, him just an old pair of boxers he still had lying in your flat, he checks that all lighting units downstairs are off, grabbing the box of cookies and goldfish to eat. 

he pulls you into his embrace, hugging your waist never letting go, constantly softly kissing your cheek like he always did. after he uses the restroom and helps you brush your teeth, you’re lying on your bed, the white sheets covering your shivering bodies. 

jude lays on top of your chest again, his right hand sliding up and down your side, his head resting comfortably on the crook of your neck, his eyes fluttering and smiling when you kiss his temple lovingly. “go to sleep jude… you need it, i’m not going anywhere,” you promise feeling as he wraps you closer to him. “don’t ever let me go please, just want you here like this all the time…” he confesses, his head coming up to see your glowy eyes. 

“i’m not gonna… i feel safe and at home in your arms like this jude. so no, i’m not letting you go again or ever,” you stick with your word. jude’s lips softly kiss yours, tasting your cherry chapstick with a hint of mint.

“goodnight princess. i love you.”

[sturnsreckless]

𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐈𝐒 𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐑𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆,, c.sturniolo

summary: chris tried so hard to support you through your drug addiction that had been ongoing for a year, every time he got you out, you fell back into the hole. one day chris had finally had enough and had a talk with you about wether or not you were willing to change for him, but once you say can’t, he leaves your relationship behind for good.

cw: angst, drug addiction (doesn’t go into any sort of description), crying, breaking up.

a/n: this took like two months to finish and i’m so relived i finished it, but enjoy. also, spread kindness and love, you never know what someone is going through in life. i love each and every single one of you guys.

ever since you turned 18, life took a dark turn that no one saw coming. the thrill of adulthood quickly faded, replaced by an insatiable craving for drugs that clouded your mind and overwhelmed your spirit. chris, your boyfriend, stood by your side, determined to help you break free from the chains of addiction. he offered support, kept you away from parties to avoid drugs being in your possession, and even tried to distract you with adventures, hoping to rekindle the joy you once had in your life.

but each time he thought you were making progress, the grip of the addictive substances would pull you back in. you'd promise him it would be the last time, but the cycle continued, leaving chris feeling helpless and heartbroken. he watched as the vibrant person he once loved slowly faded away, replaced by someone consumed by the highs and lows of addiction.

after countless attempts of trying to reach you, chris had finally reached his breaking point. he stood in front of you, eyes filled with a mix of frustration and sorrow, and said, "i can't do this anymore. i can't keep watching you destroy yourself like this."

those words hung heavy in the air, echoing the painful reality that your relationship was now teetering on the edge of collapse.

you felt the weight of chris' words crash down on you like a tidal wave. the hurt in his voice was unmistakable, and for a brief moment, you felt a flicker of clarity amidst the haze of addiction. you wanted to reach out, to tell him that you were sorry, that you didn't want to lose him, but the fear of vulnerability held you back.

chris turned away, his frustration evident as he paced his room. "i've tried everything, but i can't keep sacrificing my own well-being for you. you need to want this for yourself." his voice was tight, strained from the emotional burden he had been carrying. you could see the pain etched on his face, a painful reminder of how far you had fallen.

in the moment, you realised that your addiction had not only trapped you but also threatened to destroy the most important relationship in your life. you took a deep breath, fighting back tears, and finally whispered, "i don't want to lose you, chris. i just don't know how to stop." the vulnerability in your voice hung in the air, a desperate plea for understanding and a lifeline back to the person you used to be.

chris paused, his back still turned to you, and you could see the tension in his shoulders. slowly, he turned around, his expression softening just a fraction. "you need to take that first step, even if it's the hardest thing you've ever done," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "i can't fight this battle for you, but i'll be here to support you every step of the way if you're ready to try."

you felt a rush of conflicting emotions — fear, hope, and a deep seated anxiety that gnawed at your insides. the thought of facing your addiction head-on felt overwhelming, but the idea of losing chris was even more terrifying. "what if i fail again?" you asked, your voice trembling, "what if i let you down?"

chris took a step closer, his gaze steady and sincere. "you might stumble, but that doesn't mean you've failed. it means you're human. what matters is that you keep trying. i believe in you, even when you don't believe in yourself." his words wrapped around you like a warm blanket, and for the first time in a long while, you felt a glimmer of hope. maybe, just maybe, this was the moment you could begin to reclaim your life.

you took a deep breath, the weight of chris' words hanging heavily in the air. "i don't know if i can do it," you admitted, the vulnerability of the moment crashing down on you again. "what if i just end up hurting you more?"

chris looked at you with a mixture of concern and frustration. "you're not the only one hurting here. i can't keep watching you spiral down this path. it's tearing me apart." his voice was strained, and you could see the toll this had taken on him. the reality of the situation settled in like a thick fog, suffocating and unyielding.

as silence enveloped the room, you felt a sense of despair creeping in. you wanted to believe that change was possible, but the shadows of doubt loomed larger. "maybe i'm just not meant to get better," you whispered, the hopelessness creeping into your heart. chris' expression faltered, and for a moment, you both stood there, caught in the truthful pain that sometimes, despite the love and support, not every story has a happy ending.

chris ran a hand through his hair, frustration and sadness mixing in his eyes. “you can’t think like that. it’s not true. but i can’t keep doing this if you’re not willing to fight for yourself,” he said, his voice firm yet pained. “i’m here, but i can’t be your crutch forever. you have to want this y/n.”

you felt a sting of his words, each one a reminder of the reality you were trying to escape. “what if i don’t know how to want it?” you replied, your voice cracking. “what if im just too far gone?” the tears began to well up, and you fought to keep them at bay, not wanting to show chris just have vulnerable you felt.

he stepped closer, his expression softening again, but the distance between you felt insurmountable. “i can’t answer that for you. all i can do is stand here and hope you find the strength to take that step. but i can’t keep waiting.” he said, the finality in his tone hitting you like a cold wave. you realised then that this moment might be a turning point, but it could also be the beginning of the end for what you both had fought so hard to hold onto.

you felt a knot tightening in your stomach as his words sank in. “so, what happens if i can’t?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper. the uncertainty clawed at you, and the thought of losing chris loomed larger than ever. “is this really it?”

chris sighed, the weight of the moment pressing down on both of you. “i don’t want it to be, but i can’t keep sacrificing my own well-being. it’s not fair to either of us,” he replied, his tone heavy with regret. “you have to choose, but i can’t make that choice for you.”

the silence that followed was deafening, each second stretching out painfully. you could see the hurt in his eyes, the flicker of hope battling against despair. “i just… i wish things were different,” you admitted, feeling the tears finally spill over. “but i don’t know how to change.”

as you stood there, the reality of the situation settled in, and you realised that sometimes, no matter how much you want to hold onto something, you have to confront the possibility that it might slip away.

you took a step back, feeling the weight of the moment pressing down on you. “chris, i don’t think i can do this. i want to, but it feels too big, too overwhelming,” you said, your voice trembling.

chris’ expression shifted, a mix of understanding and disappointed clothing his features. “i get that, but i can’t keep waiting for you to figure it out. i need to take care of myself too,” he replied softly, the hurt evident in his eyes.

as he turned to leave, a part of you felt like it was breaking. “wait, please don’t go,” you called out, desperation creeping into your voice. but he paused for just a moment, looking back at you with a heavy heart. “i have to, for both of us,” he said before walking away, leaving you standing there, feeling more lost than ever.

you felt a surge of panic as you watched him walk away, and without thinking, you rushed after him, your heart pounding in your chest. “chris, please!” you shouted, your voice echoing in the stillness of the night.

when you reached him, you grabbed his arm, turning him to face you. the tears that had been threatening to spill finally broke free at a rapid pace, streaming down your face. “i can’t let you go like this. i’m so scared of losing you,” you cried, the weight of your emotions crashing down around you.

chris’ eyes softened as he took a step closer, but the distance between you felt insurmountable. “i don’t want to hurt you, but i can’t keep holding on when you’re not ready,” he said gently, his own tears now falling. the pain in his voice only made your heart ache more, and you felt completely vulnerable, exposed in your grief, “i need you to understand,” he continued, but the words felt like they were slipping away as you broke down in front of him, feeling utterly lost.

chris stepped closer, pulling you into a warm embrace, his presence a comforting balm against the pain swelling inside you. “i know this is hard,” he murmured, brushing a strand of hair from your face. “i care about you so much, and i want to be here for you.”

as you leaned into him, feeling the warmth radiating from his body, you thought maybe there was hope. but then he pulled back slightly, his eyes filled with a mixture of sadness and resolve. “but i can’t keep doing this. it’s tearing us apart, and i don’t want to hurt you anymore,” he confessed, his voice trembling.

you felt a lump in your throat as you tried to process his words. “chris. please…” you started, but he shook his head gently. “you need to find you own way, and so do i.”

in that moment, he leaned in, capturing your lips in a soft, lingering kiss that felt like a goodbye. it was tender and filled with all the unspoken words between you. when he finally pulled away, there were tears in his eyes, but he forces a small smile. “take care of yourself, y/n.” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. then, with one last look, he turned and walked out of your house, leaving you standing there, feeling the weight of forever in his absence.

@sturnsreckless

[stevesjockstrap]

kinktober 3: Steve/Eddie & voice kink

Rated E • no UD, modern era, sex worker Eddie, phone sex, slight feminization, dom!Eddie (no one’s surprised)

For @lawrencebshoggoth 😘😏

Steve was grocery shopping, trying to decide what he wants to meal prep for the week. When a warm sensation floods his belly, his dick hardening in his slacks. The fuck?

Searching around him, he can’t figure out what is happening. Why is his body reacting like this to salad?

A voice from the next aisle finally registers to him.

“No, Chrissy! I’m not letting you set up my uncle with random women for your sick amusement!”

At first he can’t place the voice, but his now fully hard dick knows it instantly.

“Oh fuck,” Steve mumbles. He leaves his cart and races to the front door before he’s aware of what he’s doing.

In his beemer, he takes deep breaths, trying to calm his racing heart and the throbbing between his legs.

It had started as a misclick on his favorite site, a happy accident. Steve had never ventured into spicy audios before, but soon he was addicted and the velvety voice of PuppetMaster was his go-to way of getting off.

The knowledge that this person who had become one of his only sexual fantasies was out there and close by had Steve feeling ashamed yet unbelievably turned on. He took a paid day from work and spent a lot of time … taking care of himself.

“That’s it, baby. Look so good all spread out for me. Oh, fuck,” the strangers deep voice rolled across him as he fucked into his fist.

It felt more dirty now, the humiliation factor ratcheting up as he listened. The fact that there was a real person to complete the fantasy made it even more tantalizing.

He couldn’t even tell anyone about it. At work he felt like his skin was too tight, the lights too bright.

After a very long week, Steve didn’t know what to do. He felt like he was going to shake out of his skin. The audios weren’t enough anymore. His brain cycled through versions of the man speaking, but couldn’t land on one. He would get so obsessed about trying to think of a face that he couldn’t finish.

A few beers later, Steve found himself blindly searching the name online.

He almost dropped his phone when a TikTok account popped up.

This definitely didn’t help matters. But his dick was back on board. The man was beautiful, much more so than his meager imagination could come up with. The long wavy hair, big brown eyes. His lips.

He’d snuck his hand down before he realized. Then he froze. Was this too far? Jerking it to this stranger’s social media?

There weren’t a lot of videos, and he was irritated to find that the man wasn’t using his own voice, mostly lip syncing popular sounds. Scrolling down, his thumb found an earlier video. It was a comical thirst trap set up, but the way the man’s arms came up to grab the top of the doorframe showing off his tattooed biceps and ribs, the way his eyes darkened as he swept his gaze down the camera made his breath catch.

Steve let the video loop until he came twice.

Then a message slid down from the top of the page. With the man’s tiny circle face.

Hey there

Oh no. How had this happened?

He swiped back to the video and realized not only had he followed the page, in his exuberance he’d spammed that video with emojis.

It occurred to him that he could just ignore it. Delete the message, his account, the app, never have to think about this again.

But his stupid dick had him going back to the man’s page. His profile didn’t give much information. But there was a link.

“Holy shit,” Steve gasped as the page loaded.

He had never allowed himself to explore OnlyFans, given his track record with this new addiction. He didn’t understand most of the jargon he was skimming over, but it hit him that there was an untapped treasure trove of content from this man who had been the source of all of his recent orgasms.

He subscribed and didn’t blink at whatever dollar amount was charged.

Then he got a second message.

PuppetMaster: You work fast, pretty

His brain helpfully supplied the voice and the face to go along with it and his dick stirred. The way this stranger had overhauled his body should be concerning. But all he could do now was go along with it.

Steve clicked on the notification and tried to come up with something to say.

PuppetMaster: Oh, now he’s shy

PuppetMaster: I don’t want to scare you away

He gulped, then started typing.

SteveH1102: You’re not going to scare me away. But I might scare you

PuppetMaster: Oh?

PuppetMaster: Cute little thing like you? I doubt it

Steve smiled in spite of himself.

SteveH1102: I’ve, let’s say, enjoyed your work that I’ve found elsewhere but just discovered your actual page

His heart was beating so fast, his anxious energy didn’t allow him to keep laying across his couch. He got up to pace around his apartment.

PuppetMaster: Well that’s not scary. I’m glad you found your way to me

“Christ,” Steve whispered.

SteveH1102: The thing is, you aren’t from around Indianapolis, are you?

There was a longer pause between messages now, and he was waiting for some notification that he was blocked or otherwise in trouble. He grabbed another beer from the fridge and drank half of it in a long pull.

PuppetMaster: Maybe I didn't give you enough credit, handsome. That would send chills up anyone’s spine

SteveH1102: I’m sorry, I probably could’ve worded it better. I’m sort of drinking. I’m pretty sure I overheard you on the phone at the grocery store and well, recognized your voice

A thought popped into his head. Without allowing the man to respond, he started typing again.

SteveH1102: This is actually you, right? Not like an assistant or like a catfish situation?

PuppetMaster: It’s all me, baby. It’s cute you think I’m big enough to have outsourced my porn site

SteveH1102: Could we video call?

He blinked as he realized he sent it. Counted to thirty and still didn’t have a response.

SteveH1102: I’d pay for your time, or however this works. Of course

There was a pop-up requiring some more details from him and a payment that he quickly clicked through.

“Oh, fuck,” Steve breathed as he stared at the live video. The other man was smart enough to throw a light on, and was either on a computer or had turned his phone sideways.

“Same to you. Your profile picture doesn’t do you justice.”

It was definitely him, and getting to watch the voice he’d become addicted to come from those lips made chills travel down his body.

Steve huffed a laugh, walking quickly back over to his couch next to the only lamp that was on. When he’d dropped down onto a rough throw pillow he also remembered he’d taken his shirt off.

“You gunna give me a show, handsome? Getting comfy?”

Steve tried to bite back the moan that escaped, he really did. Maybe this hadn’t been a good idea after all.

“Why not? I’m having fun.”

He gaped at the smirk across the beautiful face and winced as he realized he’d spoken that aloud.

“Convinced it’s me, yet? Are you going to tell me what you were thinking when you put all kinds of heart eyes on my TikTok?”

Steve knew this teasing commanding tone and wasn’t surprised when his cock started filling again.

“I didn’t mean to, ma- um, it was a mistake. I was-”

He received a low growl and a full mischievous grin.

“It’s Eddie, by the way. But you can call me master if you want. I’ll let you know if you do anything I don’t like, and I’d appreciate if you’d do the same.”

“Oh my god.” Steve felt way too in over his head to have this conversation.

“So your hand just slipped,” Eddie continued, ignoring him. There was a low chuckle, and his face got bigger in the screen. “Were you doing something naughty, pretty boy?”

Steve whined and his hips jolted on their own accord.

“I think that’s a yes, then. Is there somewhere you can prop your phone up, Stevie? So I can see you better? And you don’t have to hold it?”

He blinked, unsure of what was happening, but then searched around quickly. He set his beer bottle down on the coffee table and stuck his phone in front of it. It was a bit of an awkward angle, but Eddie hummed at him.

“There’s a good boy. Still got your work pants on? Came home all stressed and decided to come look for me?”

He dug his fingers into his thighs to keep from dipping his hand into his pants.

“E-eddie,” he gasped.

Eddie clicked his tongue at him. “Now, now, pretty. We both know that’s not what you want to call me. Go ahead, try again.”

Steve had a silent war with himself while they stared at each other.

“Or we could talk about the weather, or music or whatever,” Eddie teased.

He giggled, and his mouth betrayed him again. “I would probably get off just from that anyways.”

Eddie’s face brightened and he laughed, low and filthy. “Oh yeah? Maybe we’ll try that sometime. C’mon, show me. Let me see you.”

He groaned, covering his face instead.

“Don’t you dare.” Eddie’s hardened voice had him moving his hands instantly. “What a good boy you are for me. Now, I’m sure you wanna come as much as I do- uh huh, now we’ve got his attention. Slide those expensive pants down.”

Steve swallowed hard, raising his hips as he wiggled out of his slacks.

Eddie yanked his shirt off quickly, like he wasn’t willing to miss a second of Steve. It sent an even more powerful wave of warmth through him. He was lightly muscled, but most of his chest and arms were covered with dark ink. Steve wanted to lick every inch.

“Please,” he whined.

“I know, baby. We’re getting there. You look so good, all desperate and writhing.”

It was so close to his favorite audios that he gasped.

“Ohhh, so that’s what you’ve been enjoying, Stevie? Those do seem to get spread far and wide. Speaking of… why don’t you lose your panties, honey. Let me see all of you.”

The word panties almost had him coming already, the humiliation burning in his belly. Biting his lip, he pulled the waistband of his briefs down, quickly leaning back at Eddie’s snapped fingers when he blocked the camera.

“Well, big boy, now what should we do about that?”

His dick was, predictably, hard and dripping. Again. He would’ve been impressed by his refraction period if he wasn’t literally following directions from this sex god.

Steve couldn’t speak as he realized Eddie had also stripped, but he was keeping below his belly button out of camera view as his hand moved.

“Really glad you found me tonight, pretty boy. Look at you,” Eddie purred.

He couldn’t keep his hand from sliding down his length, and the deep groan that burst out from him.

Neither of them said anything as they soaked in the view and each other’s noises, but Steve couldn’t hold back the whine at Eddie’s growled, “Hands off.”

His dick twitched against his belly as he stared almost unseeingly at his phone. Eddie still kept his own hands and dick out of view. He was suddenly more desperate to see Eddie’s hands working himself over than coming.

“Please,” he croaked. “Eddie- I need-”

“You can wait,” Eddie responded coolly.

“No, please. Can I see you? Wanna see your cock!”

The moan from his phone made him shiver, but he wasn’t prepared for the sinful look that spread across Eddie’s face.

“Oh yeah? More than you want to touch yourself?”

Steve whimpered but nodded.

“You’re so precious, Stevie. Say it again.”

The order made more precome slide down his dick and he clenched his hands in the cushion under him. “Please let me see you, Eds? Please?”

Eddie reached up and did something to make the angle different. “Such nice begging, baby.”

He licked his lips unconsciously, thinking about how full his mouth would be with that thick cock shoved into it.

“Gods, your mouth, Stevie. I stared so hard at those lips in your picture. They’d look so good stretched around me.”

Eddie was apparently a talker, while Steve only managed to whimper and try to keep his hands away from his persistent problem.

“Being so good for me, pretty. I want to bite those moles on your thigh. No, don’t hide. You’re fucking delicious, Stevie.”

Eddie’s hand quickened, twisting around the head. “You want my come so bad, don’t you slut?”

He could only whine and nod, sliding further down the couch as if he could get physically closer for him.

“Want it in your mouth? Or across your tits?”

Steve gasped and closed his eyes against the burn of humiliation that almost had him coming apart.

Eddie hummed. “Yeah, rub it into your chest hair and down to your pretty cock.”

He opened his eyes in time to watch Eddie grunt, mesmerized as his muscles bunched and he threw his head back as he came hard. His head shot up at Steve’s small, “Oh, oh, oh fuck!”

He’d never come untouched before.

Gasping, rocking through the aftershocks as he came down, he nervously looked back at Eddie. The look of pure want and fire in his eyes made him groan softly.

“So, Stevie, what was it you said about living in the area?”

[joontroverted]

best friend gojo who's here to help you with your pms!

pairing : gojo satoru x reader

word count : 2.2k

tags : reader has pms, groping, titty sucking, grinding, clit rubbing, gojo is heavily implied to be the bisexual loser who gets no bitches that he is, nanami mention (who do you think I am after all), a lot of back and forth between him and reader. if not smutty, ik you will find this funny 😁

obviously gojo satoru is more of an active person, he'd rather be outside than inside, but he'd lock himself in jail if that meant he could spend some time with you. that's why he's here, bursting in arms filled with sweet treats. you groan, sitting up, making grabby hands for the gummy bears and he snickers, squeezing your cheek.

"you're not funny, satoru," you mutter, adjusting yourself in bed again.

"but I do get it! once a month, you and I become extremely similar, united by a hunger for sweets!" he laughs, tossing another sweet in the air and catching it with his mouth.

"how the fuck hasn't shoko beat some sense into you to speak to women with more respect," you say, smacking him over the head with a pillow.

the time passes, too slowly for your liking. satoru, to his credit keeps himself busy, chattering on about something or the other. you're busy twisting around in bed for a better position to provide yourself some relief from the random cramps, and satoru cannot help it.

he cannot help himself from staring at you.

all this while, he had been yammering on about anything he could think of, trying to distract himself from you. but here you are, refusing to settle down in one place.

he didn't really know all of the biology of the entire cycle, but he knew enough to figure out that periods come a month away from the last. and if he didn't figure out himself, your bitching was enough for him to know that the time was here.

he had burst into your apartment all cheery to give you some good vibes (and give himself some good vibes), and had walked right into your room to see you looking drained and angry. like he could focus on that when you were just sitting there, looking delicious. 

sure, you look good all the time. of course you dress up when you go clubbing, curves all fitted in a snug dress, hair and face done to the t. but now… god. the heat had made you forgo the usual hoodie or baggy shirt you'd pull on and you had instead worn an old tank top with a pair of booty shorts which you had announced you only put on because you heard him come in.

like damn who asked you to do that, but whatever makes you comfortable.

but.

your tits. your tits. your tits. your tits had swollen up, as they do every period, and they were trapped and straining against the tank top you had thrown on, which was obviously not built for the extra curve of them. and your nipples, fuck. they poked through the material, hard, prominent and enticing.

he sneaks another peak at them, and his eyes nearly fall out of his fucking head when he saw that in all the time he was lost in his thoughts, mindlessly blabbering, you're grabbing them.

round, juicy tits were in your hands, and you are squeezing them periodically, with your eyes closed, breathing slowly. he watches the cleavage peeking out of your neckline, the bulge of your boobs bouncing up and down as and when you squeezed them, and the little sighs that you keep giving. he gulps.

before he knows it, more like a horny panic response, he reaches forward and jabs your thigh. 

“ow, what the fuck?” 

your eyes fly open and you stare at satoru, who himself has no clue what the fuck just happened. and your hands. your hands are still grabbing your fucking tits.

“you weren't listening to my story,” he manages, his tongue thick and useless in his mouth.

you look like you could slap him. he would accept that. he wishes he could slap himself. 

“the fucking story about how you charmed your way to the front of the line at the coffee shop (not starbucks, fuck starbucks) once again? that fucking story?”

he just has to soldier through this. “yeah, that story! it's impressive to make your way past the old coffee addicted coots before their 9 to 5. if you want to massage your tits that bad do it on your own time!”

oh no. now he's said it. he’s brought attention to the the melons- elephant in the room.

“you are so useless,” you hiss. “you useless, useless man.” you are rising onto your knees and making your way closer to him. 

his eyes widen as he leans back. he chuckles nervously. “hey, i'm not entirely useless. i mean, i can take away your period, but just for -”

your hand shoots out and grabs his face. “if you pull that pathetic playboy shit on me right now i'm gonna slap you so hard you'll see stars,” you whisper.

satoru doesn't dare breathe, the space between you two is so small, lips almost touching, your breasts heaving. 

“how big?”

“wh- what?” he stutters. 

men and women and almost everyone who has laid eyes on him have tried to smooth talk him, and here he is, stuttering for you. 

“how big are they?”

oh! your tits! your fucking tits!

“big. bigger. bigger than usual. beautiful.” he muddles.

you huff, and seem to relax a bit. “good,” you say, pulling back a little. “now use them.”

with that, you turn away and plop down right in front of him, ass pushed against his crotch, and he can just hope that you don’t feel how hard he is right now. 

“what,” he says again, stupidly. yes, he always dreamed of this day. no, he didn't know what the fuck was going on.

“your hands satoru. use your hands! you keep comparing hand sizes with me, so use your big fucking hands to massage me!”

his hands. his stupid hands. okay.

“jeez just say that, you tease. and here i thought that i could feel up a girl after so long,” he jokes, the only way he knows how to get out of this situation, his face still hot. he grabs your shoulders and squeezes haphazardly, “juicy tits are rare to come by, after all i can only jump nanami so many times before he -” 

you grab his hands from your shoulders and pull them from the back around your body to your tits and squeeze. 

“oh,” you moan. “oh god, that's good.”

you're too deep in the sauce to notice that satoru's brain's been fried. his fingers just follow your directions, fingertips digging into the plush flesh, while you moan away. you tip your head back, eyes closed. he stares at you, the relief you’re in and how you're openly just using him for your own gain so unabashedly. your head hits his shoulder, causing your eyes to open slightly, making direct eye contact with him. that snaps him out of the daze that he's in.

“yeah?’ he mutters, his voice low, “you like that?”

“uh huh,” you nod, eyes not leaving his.

“all right cutie,” he chuckles, “i'll give you what you want.”

he finally goes with the flow and starts massaging. his big hands circle around each breast, gathering them entirely, and squeezing. his thumbs grind down on the neglected sides of your tits in circles, pulling out an unexpected moan from you.

“oh, that was good!”

“yeah? tell me more,” he says, steadily pushing them in and out.

“they were just- just so sore, toru. and yesterday i was out the entire day, and you know i had to wear a bra because i can't just not wear a bra! so they were so so restricted and tied up! so obviously i don't wear a bra when i'm at home -”

he knows. he's seen. 

“- but i don't know, the soreness just somehow feels different and worse now? because they so heavy and swollen, and they're hanging down, nothing to hold ‘em up!”

“aww, poor baby. why didn't you tell me earlier, huh?” he asks, working his way around your breasts.

“i don't know�� my head's been so fuzzy, and my cramps are pretty bad too.”

“well that's okay cutie. i'll be there from now on, yeah?” he whispers into your ear. even beyond his own horniness, he really does want to help you. he didn't know he too could benefit from this though.

“yeah… thank - oh!” you shriek.

“what?”

“my nipples, oh, they're just too sore, toru! you need to be gentle!” you huff.

“‘m sorry baby, i'll be more careful, kay?” he mutters, looking down at your hard nipples, poking through the strained material of your tank top. since today has been full of miracles for him, he decides to push his luck. “can i… can i see ‘em?”

see them? you had definitely been lost in the bliss of the situation to see the realness of it. to see that the line between friendship and the light flirting that had been going on between you and satoru off late had been getting blurrier by the moment. you are too horny and in need of pain (and horny) relief to be thinking clearly. 

“nothing has to change, kay?’’ whispers satoru into your ear. “it's just you and me… and your tits between us, obviously” he giggles, nipping your ear a bit.

you look at him. things would change, you decide, looking at the slightly dizzy look he has, his eyes lidded, lip between his teeth. he's easier to read than he thinks he is. knowingly, you nod.

“atta girl,” he whispers, positively buzzing with excitement. he pushes himself off from behind you, instead laying you down on the pillow he was leaning on and coming to the front. “atta fucking girl.”

he slides down your body, tossing away the blanket that was loosely thrown over your legs, showing your thighs and your shorts hiked up enough for them to just look like underwear. he wants to settle his face onto them so badly, but that's a task for another day. for now, he looks up. 

you're looking down at him, your usually pissy face wide eyed, waiting for him to make his next move. he can't help but smirk at how cute you look, especially considering how much you gag or at least pretend to gag whenever he flirts with you. 

“i'm gonna lift this up, okay?” he tells you, holding the hem of your tank top.

you nod.

he pulls the hem up, up and over your tits, exposing them. the air hits your nipples, causing them to pebble even more. 

“fuck,” he whispers, his eyes wide and unblinking. “fuck baby, they're beautiful.”

“they're all swollen and… stuff,” you mutter, not knowing what to say.

he reaches forward and grabs the two mounds, one in each hand. 

“hi!” he says to the one in his right hand, jiggling it, “hi!” he says, now to the left one, jiggling that one too.

“satoru, you're such a dor- oh!”

he's opened his mouth and latched onto your right nipple, his wet, warm mouth, enveloping the smaller, tender bud. years of sucking on lollipops, and other things, makes him really, really good at this. eyes closed, he sucks and sucks, tongue circling the nipple and lapping it up. the pointy, sensitive bud is soothed by his constant suckling, causing you to moan out loud. that finally gets him to open his eyes and gaze back at you, pausing his administration. 

“i'm such a dork, huh?”

“shut up, god!”

“no god, just satoru gojo,” he says smarmily, nuzzling into your other boob, his hair tickling your neck, and under your chin.

you smack his head and he snickers. he goes back to suckling on your tits, plump lips leaving a trail of shiny gloss on your tits as he kisses them away. his hand continues to massage your other tit, and his other hand is, well… gripping your thigh.

“satoru,” you gasp, but he pays no heed. you push him away from you slightly. “satoru!”

that breaks him out of his daze, looking up at you. “did i do something?”

“could you um… could we grind?” you whisper.

“i can touch your pussy?” he ask hungrily, eyes gleaming.

“no!” you yelp, “not directly at least, we aren't there yet. but could i… grind on you for a bit?”

“fuck yeah you can!” he almost shouts. he pulls his leg up, his knee pushing against your clit.

with how sensitive and horny you are, that little move makes you moan, sending shivers up your body. and this bratty demon descends upon you immediately. he’s back to suckling on your tit, while the other hand massages your other one, gently pulling your nipple now and then. the sensitivity added with the gentle tugging creates a delicious sort of slightly painful yet soothing delight. your back arches and he most definitely cannot be comfortable in his position to satisfy you in every place all at once but he doesn't even pause for a moment, not letting up on his knee grinding on your clit. 

“satoru, satoru, slow down,” you gasp, the sensitivity knowing no bounds.

“no,” he replies “i don't get to see you in your panties even! i'm taking whatever i caaan,” he says in a sing song way, going back to his sucking.

“fuck you!” you gasp, writhing at this point.

he makes a sound that you cannot decipher, and moves his hand from your thigh to your clit, pinching it, eyes flitting up to see your reaction.

“fuck! fuck!” you exclaim, “more, toru, please!"

"yeah baby?" he asks, rubbing which circles around your clit, as if he would ever hesitate to give you anything, ever. he looks down at you, the state you're in. tank top pushed all the way up, uncovering your breasts, your soft tits jiggling up and down, as you grind down to meet his fingers. and as he looks down to his fingers, he sees the prominent lips of your pussy through your shorts as his fingers pressed unwavering against your little clit. one day. he is so close.

you are so close.

the heat in your body is building up, the pressure in your tummy rising. the band stretches tighter and tighter and satoru, that evil boy is only enjoying this. your period addled brain cannot ever string together an insult to throw his way, and instead you wantonly moan, motioning for him to come closer.

he leans in, an eyebrow quicker up.

"kiss," you whisper. "needta kiss you toru."

that takes him by surprise. 

"of- course you can, pretty girl," he whispers back, "been dreaming of this day".

with that, your lips meet, and it's immediately sloppy and desperate. tongue and gloss and indignance from both sides have your eyes rolled to the back of your head soon enough, so much so that you don't even realize that you've let go of the pressure that was building up, the band snapping.

with a gasp, you orgasm, shaking against satoru, who doesn't even seem to be phased. he's taken lapping and nipping against your lips as you come down from the high. your shaky fingers come to grasp his toned arms.

"hmm, how's that for some pms relief, huh?" he mutters against you, laying himself on you gingerly, making sure he isn't squishing your tits accidentally. "good job, both of you," he says, looking at your tits.

"and good job to you too, cutie," he says, looking up to you. he looks content and smug. "still think I'm a dork after all that?"

you pull a face, too sleepy and too, well whipped to insult him. he looks so sexy and adorable at the same time. proud and happy and eager all at once, his hair sticking up. you reach out to ruffle his hair and pull his ear. 

"you're not off of massaging duty though. I have a full night's sleep to catch up on after I clean myself up," you grunt, pushing yourself off of the bed to go to the bathroom. 

satoru follows you, like a puppy. 

you turn back to look at him. "are you gonna um… take care of yourself?"

"yeah, about that," he mutters, looking away, his hands hovering over the crotch of his sweatpants. "you don't have to worry about that- "

you yank his hands away from his crotch to reveal a dark stain down the front of it.

"you fucking dork!" you exclaim, laughing "you came just from that? I didn't even touch you!"

"yeah yeah, laugh all you want, after using me like that" he rolls his eyes, his cheeks pink. 

"when did you even come?"

he remains quiet.

"satoru," you egg on gleefully, almost forgetting all the pain you are in.

"there was a lot of precum when you first made me grab your tits… and then I came when I… when I saw em bare for the first time," he trails off.

you smack his shoulder. "you pathetic boy!" you laugh, "is that why you wouldn't let up on me"

"fuck off, you're such a meanie, and after I just gave you the best time ever!" he shouts, closing his ears, dashing past you to the bathroom. 

you follow him, and he's kicking off his sweatpants and pulling off his underwear. "don't look!" he shrieks, face red. 

"I'm not looking" you laugh, turning away and beginning to change too. "I just wanna get cleaned up and go back to sleep."

he grunts. "can I -"

"can you what?"

you see the tips of his ears are pink as he throws one of the many pairs of shorts he left at your place before. 

"can I suck on your right tit and jiggle your left one while you sleep and after that maybe put my head between your thi- "

"satoru!"

first smut fic yay!

comments, likes, reblogs and excited rambling tags are HIGHLY APPRECIATED! ❤

[zeninprincess]

rehab; a. hayakawa

wc: 3.6k | aki hayakawa x reader | nsfw 🔞

warning(s): mentions of nicotine addiction 🚬, toxic relationship (aki is neglectful partner, reader is too attached to aki), power dynamic, gaslighting, p in v, cunnilingus, fingering, blowjob, creampie, breeding 🥧

aki keeps saying that you're the one needed him as if he didn't need you when you left him. but then again, maybe you did need him as much as he needed his cigarettes

a/n: purple prose, im trying to expand my english vocabs. sorry if it's annoying. ty for understanding!! also guess what songs inspired me to write this.

i. withdrawal

aki loves to smoke even though he knew it would hurt his lungs, however it's hard not to smoke. he knew it could kill him someday yet he still do the very thing that might end him. smoking traps the man in a vicious cycle of needing to consume and feeling guilty to the point he'd stop smoking for a couple of day but then, withdrawal would hit him hard and before he knew it, he relapsed.

it's a never ending cycle of hurt, guilt, and a desire to burn. its addicting and when it hits you, it hits hard. to say that you hate that aki has an addiction to something as bad as cigarettes is an understatement, although you yourself is addicted to something else that hurts you. and it was love. you love him even though it hurts you, even when it rips your self worth apart.

you found yourself crying to sleep after an argument, but just like a smoker to nicotine, you can't get enough of him. in the morning you'd come to him and everything will be fine. he’ll pat you on your head and fucks you good. to say you needed him is an understatement but it's not far from the truth. you couldn't shake the feeling that you needed him, almost as if you were addicted to his presence. it was more than just a strong desire; it was a deep-seated need that seemed to consume you.

waking up in the dead of night, you couldn't feel his presence on his side of the bed. the duvet was cold, mirroring his words a few hours ago when you two were screaming at each other over the fact he rarely comes home. the coolness of the duvet being a stark reminder of his absence.

you'd find him on the balcony smoking. he does this everytime he can't sleep. and when he's done he'd flick them out on the street. you watch him as he inhale nicotine and exhale smoke.

perhaps you two are more alike than you've realized. both of you seem drawn to the thrill of danger, the adrenaline rush of near misses. addiction, in its various forms, seems to have a hold on both of you. the highs and lows of your tumultuous relationship, much like the intense cravings and withdrawals experienced by those addicted to substances, keep you both coming back for more. it's a dangerous cycle, fueled by the intense heat of your passion, akin to the burning sensation of aki's cigarettes.

remember, addiction can be a destructive force, and if left unchecked, it can lead to devastating consequences. thrilling sensation and feelings of hunger for love destroys you little by little.

being with aki really deconstructed you as a person. the way he made you feel so lonely yet fills your loneliness it was a paradoxical experience. you also felt that you're the only one who's trying in this relationship, aki acts like a broken radio, echoing nothing back to you. he kept you waiting, hoping he'd say something back or repay your effort but it was met with radio silence. he made you question your desirability with the way he treats you.

he's not a jerk who hurts you physically nor did he fool around with other chicks, sometimes you wish he did so it'll help you hate him and justify your actions. he just doesn't give any attention outside when he's dicking you down, he doesn't really give you praise or express his love to you. he just doesn't care that much. it's torturing you. it really looks like a one sided love to outsiders who don't know that you two are together.

but you're no saint either. aki felt like you were too attached to him, unhealthily. but that feelings of your inability to live without him is a better feeling than being loved by you. he felt alive and sober with you needing him. he loves your effort, though he hated the way you keep uttering phrases like

“do you love me aki?” you ask with puffy eyes.

to him, he's a silent lover only showing how much he loves you through hard love and his own way. he prefers working hard til morning than to cuddle with you after waking up because he wants you to live a comfortable life. he'd rather risk his life killing devils just to get minimum wage than see your feet swollen after taking orders for 6 hours a day as a waitress.

“a question that need not be asked nor answered” he replied as he drew a big one.

“you never took me out on dates anymore” you nagged.

“woman i cook dinner for you every time i'm home, besides it's not safe out there what if some devil eats you alive? what then? i'm not paying for your funeral when we could barely feed ourselves” he said in his neutral tone. you rolled your eyes. “you're not even at home every day aki”

“and you never told me how pretty i am”

“am i just a free dishwasher who you only fuck whenever you wanted?”

“have you ever cuddled me these days?”

“i guess i wasnt wrong when i say you're cheating huh? i guess thats why youre rarely home”

“answer me aki!!”

you were growing desperate after each question. and still he's soundless.

“god i hate you. please let me go aki. please i beg of you” this doesn't feel like home anymore, the strange foreign beauty in front of you didn't even bother looking your way as you paced to the shared bedroom and pack your belongings.

“i'm leaving you for good. goodbye aki, may we never cross paths ever again” you say for the thousandth time as you put on your coat and unlock the entrance to your freedom. hearing the slam of the door he could only sigh knowing you’ll be back.

you always come back.

right?

a week passed by and nothing changed except you're gone now and it's eating aki from inside. he fell deep into a spiraling mess, he didn't eat, did not sleep, he never came home instead he distracted himself by working incessantly. afterall, his sanctuary was gone, and the lingering scent of your perfume stuck inside the 16 by 16 unit you two used to share and it brings him to reality that the only trace of you left was the unwashed dishes and messy duvet from the day you left.

he isn't the same man anymore, he was just a shell of what once was inside. lost in his thoughts which were dominated by you, he sighed. today he's smoking at the park where you two met each other for the first time. ashes fall to the ground. he flicks off the half burned ciggy, he finds it hard to enjoy the cigarette not knowing where you are and who you're with.

you had him blocked off on every social media, you changed your number, cut your beautiful hair to above the shoulder it was a much needed reset. staying in a cheap motel, you found solace in nicotine. aki was right, smoking helped numb the pain and for a moment it gave you the illusion that aki was near you smoking on the balcony like how it used to be.

“may you never forget me aki hayakawa and the pain you've caused me” you muttered under your breath.

ii. anticipation

‘ahh~ ahhnn’

‘s-shoo good!! harder aki harder!!’

“Fffuck” up and down the shaft he copies the rhythm from the video. aki watches you bounce up and down his cock on his phone. you're so pretty all sticky and flustered like that on top of him. his body trembled in pleasure, eyes shut tightly and toes curling as he heard you moan on max volume.

“fuck name i need you so bad” he cried out as he rode the highs feeling the building up orgasm. he reminisce how tight and warm your pussy was around his cock. his heart pounds as he reaches orgasm, he calls out your name, riding the orgasm. in his mind you were there lapping his tongue while going up and down pounding your cervix letting him fill you up with his cum.

the fluid overflows from the tip of his cock to the duvet under him. the video still playing on his phone, he was brought back to reality. sitting at the edge of the bed naked, post nut clarity hits him. aki puts on his boxer before reaching to the bedside table for his cigarette box. seventeen minutes past midnight, aki had found out that the box was empty, sighing he put on his jeans and shirt. he needed a quick fix, thus he went to the convenience store across the street which was a familiar destination.

inside the convenience store, he picked one cigarette between selections of many. he picked the one with cotton candy flavour. it smelled like your perfume that has long gone in the span of 7 weeks. he tried everything in his power to keep the residual odour inside. going as far as refusing to open the window and balcony but it was no use because in the end he had inhaled all the scent.

at the same time you were walking home from the waitressing shift which you took since you needed money to pay rent. kicking the rock on the curbside, you reveal white stocking underneath your miniskirt you had to wear as it's part of the dress code. walking down the street near your old apartment. you stop by a convenience store, a familiar figure was leaning against the glass window. neon lights illuminates the figure. a smoke came out of his system.

his hair were longer, eyebags presents itself, he noticed you walking towards him. was that really you? he thought to himself. you wore a long coat, a mini skirt and a white blouse that hugged your figure just right and your hair, it's shorter now he didn't think you'd look that good in short hair. he knew you'd come back, though a bit longer than what he had anticipated.

your heels clicking against concrete, his eyes glimmering with hope as you get closer and closer. you clutch your handbag tightly. you stand beside him, leaning on the glass window before falling to your knees crying exhausted. aki removed the cigarette on his lips and crouched down to your level.

“i hate you but i don't have anywhere else to stay” you confessed, chin resting on your knees. “you have me. i'm where you're supposed to stay at” he said, hesitating to pat your back. as excited as he might be, he couldn't express the fact that his longing for you had ended the second you made eye contact with him.

you tilt your head towards him, “i missed you”

“come back to me doll” he say as he opened his arm far and wide waiting for you to fall into his hug to which you didn't take a second to do. you cried in his arms. you keep relapsing back to him no matter what you do. it's a bad habit yet you don't mind if you destroy your life chasing the never ending fire.

you took his hand and walk back to your forever home with him.

iii. relapse - intoxication

he kissed you incessantly on the way there, groping you all over your curves. as soon as the door closed he took your coat off and ripped open your blouse. buttons flew everywhere. still kissing you, his tongue explores your cave, one hand cupping your cheek, the other one fondling your breast. he broke the kiss for a moment to regain his breath.

“let me show you the way i love you dollface”

he sucks on your neck leaving a red mark, grinding his hardness on your exposed black laced panties. your skirt rode up to your navel, aki pinned you to the door. “mmm aki~” you cooed as he bury his face on the crook of your neck.

he picks you up in the bridal style to the bedroom. you sprawl yourself onto the sticky duvet, god knows what's making it sticky. ugh. your attention snapped back to the man who's pinning you on all fours. chills send down your spine as you're half naked. the room was dark. the only thing that illuminates the room was the moonlight.

“aki i know you want me but-” you paused, parallel to his hand that were fondling your mounds. “i'm here to crash not to stay”

“yeah yeah keep yapping angel i know you” his pepper kisses on your mound felt like a rapid fire. using your free hand you unzipped his pants, freeing his member. “you think you can leave me that easily? nuh uh baby. you're addicted to me” that cocky remark really did something to you because now your folds are soaked.

“shit we got hurricane katrina under here”

after cupping your pussy through your panties he felt how damp it was. he slid it down to your thighs. his index finger circles your clit, you writhe in pleasure, moaning loudly as he keeps torturing your clit enjoying the way you tremble in pleasure each time his plush finger flicks your clit. “ahn- aki!!” you screamed, at this point your neighbours probably has heard your unholy mewls.

he undresses you properly before opening his clothes. you two are naked now. he sat on the bed. leaning himself against the headboard, his cock twitches. aki looks at you, he waits in anticipation as you begin to lubricate your hand with your spit. you pump your fist around his member, he moans as you move your hand up and down. lowering your head, his tip kisses your plush lips. precum overflows, god you are heavenly.

aki is enjoying your sweet time, licking and kissing his cock, worshipping him. he's afraid this feeling might turn into a full blown addiction, he loves the whole thing, the 7 weeks, the emotional turmoil he felt when you left, and the happiness when you came running back to him. he loves your hopelessness, he loves that you're addicted to him, and especially he loves the way you're choking on his cock right now. “s too big akii” tears running down your eyes, yet you keep bobbing your head on his shaft. such a hypocrite.

“you're acting as if we've never done this before baby” he grabs a handful of your hair and slams your head down to his cock. spit and cum pools on your mouth and cheeks. “god you're such ah~” he moans “s-slut” you fasten your pace and sucking on his cock harder to stimulate him. not long after you change pace, thick ropes of cum spurt on your mouth “ffuck” his eye rolls in pleasure.

this was so long overdue, it was what you two needed after all. communication maybe the key to a good relationship but nothing beats a good sloppy head. “you're so pretty. fuck when was the last time we did this?”

“um like 6 fucking months ago? since you're so busy you just go straight to bed” you replied with a hint of annoyance on your tone.

“get on all fours since you wanna be a bitch” he smacks your ass before getting behind you waiting for you to get on all fours. “jerk” is all that you can say before his tongue assaults your folds. and all you can do is shriek in surprise before you melt in his mouth. he flicks his tongue, eating you out, making out with your pussy. his hands grips your rear end you're positive it'll leave a nice red mark in the morning. he pulls out with a hitching breath with a string of saliva being the only reason his lips are still connected to your pretty pink pussy. “god you're so sexy” he watched your trembling body from behind your only response was to pull his head back to your pussy. “you're awful at this aki” feeling challenged, aki enters two digit inside while he sucks on your clit you can feel him smirking when you tremble.

feeling your pussy tightens, he pulls out his digits, denying you the pleasure of cumming. he smacks your ass with his hand again.

“uhn aki why did you do that” you changed position into laying back

he didn't mutter a word, instead he spit on his cock, preparing to enter you. spreading your legs apart. he looks godly like this, with his hair down, sweat trickling down his toned abs, and the way he eye you down like a predator preparing to strike its prey. he smacks his cock on your wet pussy.

“were doing it raw tonight, ill make sure you're pregnant with my bastard after this is done” he said

while waiting in anticipation, you watch him as he spit on his cock, lubricating it so it'll slide easier inside your tight pussy hole. you felt your core burning inside. then he spreads your legs apart, his cock dangling, sticking on your fold. using one hand he guides his long thick erect member inside you. you hissed as he brute forced his way inside of you.

“fuck- that's it baby, take it all” he kissed your forehead before licking your tears away.

“ngghhh aki~ i can't take it anymore”

“shh baby, you're doing so good” he starts moving in and out of your pussy.

fuck, he needed this, more than cigarettes. listening to your mewls and looking at your hair sticking on your bare skin, you drooling, pussy clenching his dick tightly just like the way you hug him, you just can't let go of him.

and it took him all his fibre muscle not to cum right now. you scratch his back just enough to make him shudder in pain and pleasure. he definitely needed to make you a mama. wet sloppy sounds echoing in the small room, mixed with a faint sound of bed creaking.

“aki I cant- I'm gonna-” he cuts you off by sucking your tits. “ahhh fuck. aki I'm gonna cum”

his mouth left your nipples, “yeah you're gonna cum f’me baby?” he looks at you with those puppy eyes of his that he only showed you when he's lovesick.

“fuck name, let's do it together. get pregnant with my kids yeah?” he asks you hoping you'd let him knock you up. your mind was hazy as climax approached you couldn't think of anything else but cumming. “yes! yes aki! please make me pregnant!!” he thrusts deeper before finally feeling how tight your hole is, clenching him tighter by the second. hot liquid fills your womb while you squirt your cum all over his cock. you felt a little touch of death, aki fell on top of you, arms around your waist, cock still snuggling inside of you.

heavy breathing paced between you and aki. he kissed your eyelids, spouting praises and sweet talks. you've never felt so loved before. face buried on his neck you struggled to breath with aki on top of you, and only you can know how nice it felt to be so closed like this even when you're crushed under his weight. aki, noticing the way you struggle to breath moved himself beside you. he grabbed a cigarette from the mahogany table near the creaking bed, he reached for the silver plated lighter adjoining the pack. this habit of cigarettes after sex wasn't unknown of aki.

“i know you'll come back to me eventually” aki fires away his sassy remark while inhaling the fumes. hands extending to his, you reached for the cigarette that sits between the plush pale lips of his. it's your turn now.

“my landlord kicked me out” you confessed. “i don't miss you aki” but this was probably a lie, a snort came out of aki as he eyed you. smoke escaped your lips while you were spatting out those words.

“you needed me name” but maybe aki did need you too, maybe more than you needed him. it's ironic how akis now the one addicted to the burning sensation of you, things have flipped around.

“you're the one that's been babbling about me til now. let's talk about how you actually feel bro. but for starters, fuck you and all of your shits aki. i missed you” sigh escaped your lips

“i want you to need me like you need your cigarettes. i hate to admit this but i'm jealous of the devils you hunt everyday, i wish you'd dedicate your time to me the way you dedicate it to do your job that doesn't even pay you that good aki. is it that hard to do so?”

aki took the cigarette out of your mouth. he sat up, his digits traced your moon lit skin, separating baby hairs that sticks from your forehead. “atleast tell me how much you care about me aki” he laughed at that statement not in a mocking way, but in a playful way.

“im sorry for treating you the way i've treated you”

love can be as addicting as nicotine, it's craving as intense, and withdrawal will always be as painful as a heartbreak. and just like a smoker needs their fix, a lover needs love to fill the absence they feel.

he ruffles your hair, finishing his cigarette.

“thank you”

even when you know all these are just talk no substance, you still feel at bliss. aki himself smiled before he kissed you and one day you'll learn that love doesn't need to feel like a nicotine in the sense of it's addicting. and that sometimes, it's best to let go of the remaining cigarette before it reaches the end of the stick and burns your lips. but for now, bask in the intoxicating warmth and the overwhelming intensity because rehab isn't needed when destruction feels this good.

©️ zeninprincess 2024. reposting, plagiarizing, translating or claiming my works are strictly forbidden.

[astroa3h]

mars through the signs ❤️‍🔥

Mars, that red, raging ball of energy in the sky 🔴, isn’t just about anger 😡 and conflict ⚔️. It’s the engine in our lives, driving our passions, our fights 👊, and those dark, hidden cravings 🖤 we don’t always admit to, even to ourselves.

Aries Mars: Fasten your seatbelt. Mars feels at home here, since it rules Aries. Making you a walking fireball. You're the person who goes after what they want, no holds barred. But here's the twist: this can make you a bit of a bulldozer in life and relationships. Ever felt that thrill from a bit of chaos? That's Aries Mars egging you on, pushing you to start fires just to feel alive. But in the heat of the moment, you might burn bridges you later wish you’d crossed instead.

Taurus Mars: Slow and steady, but when you want something, oh, you’ll get it. The catch? Mars is in detriment here. Meaning your desires come with a string of consequences. You might also find yourself stuck in a loop of wanting things that aren’t good for you, simply because they feel comfortable or fulfill a materialistic void. Ever caught yourself thinking, “Why do I keep doing this?” That’s Taurus Mars, whispering in your ear that change is scary, and comfort zones are there for a reason, even if they're lined with thorns.

Gemini Mars: Ideas, conversations, a quick wit – that’s your jam. But here’s the dark side: an insatiable thirst for newness can lead you to stir the pot, spreading rumors or jumping from one thing (or person) to another, never truly satisfied. It's like you're on a quest for something that always seems just out of reach, leading to a cycle of restless energy that can leave you, and those around you, feeling scattered.

Cancer Mars: Passionate and protective, you fight for your loved ones like a warrior. But that Mars energy? It usually turns inward, becoming moodiness or passive-aggressiveness. Mars feels very uncomfortable here because it’s IN FALL. Ever felt like your emotions are a rollercoaster, swinging from nurturing to spiteful? That’s your Mars in Cancer, a turbulent ocean under a calm surface, sometimes letting those dark waves crash out in unexpected ways.

Leo Mars: A heart of gold, with a flare for the dramatic. You want to be seen, loved and admired. But when the spotlight isn’t on you, Mars can make you a jealous monster, acting out in ways that shock even yourself. Ever done something purely for the drama of it all? That’s Leo Mars, craving attention and sometimes setting the stage on fire just to be the star of the show.

Virgo Mars: Perfectionist much? Mars here drives you to work hard and criticize harder especially yourself. But this can spiral into a dark place where nothing’s ever good enough, leading to anxiety or pointing out flaws in others to deflect from your own insecurities. Ever nitpicked something to death? That’s Virgo Mars, whispering that if you can’t control everything, then everything’s out of control.

Libra Mars: Peace, love, and harmony, right? Well, Mars feels a bit awkward here. Mars is in detriment in Libra. You strive for balance but can become indecisive, avoiding confrontation to the point where resentment builds up. Ever found yourself agreeing just to keep the peace, then seething inside? That’s Libra Mars, wearing a mask of diplomacy while secretly wanting to tip the scales in your favor.

Scorpio Mars: Intense, passionate, with a magnetic allure. You pursue your desires with a focus that can turn obsessive. Ever felt a desire so strong, that it scared you? That’s Scorpio Mars, diving into the depths of desire, where passion can turn into manipulation or power games, revealing the lengths you’ll go to hold onto what, or who, you want.

Sagittarius Mars: Adventure calls, and you’re always chasing the horizon. But that quest for freedom can lead you to run from commitment or responsibilities, leaving a trail of unfinished business. Ever felt trapped by the mundane, itching to escape? That’s Sagittarius Mars, whispering that the grass is always greener somewhere else, even if it means leaping before you look.

Capricorn Mars: Ambition is your middle name. You’re all about goals and success, you feel on top of the world most days because Mars is exalted in Capricorn! However, that drive can turn into obsession, where the end justifies any means. Ever stepped on toes to climb higher, then wondered if it was worth it? That’s Capricorn Mars, urging you to build empires, even if it means isolating yourself on that throne of achievements.

Aquarius Mars: Rebel with a cause, you fight for change and innovation. But sometimes, that fight can become detached, valuing ideals over human connections. Ever pushed for something radical, only to realize you’re standing alone? That’s Aquarius Mars, championing the future but sometimes forgetting that revolutions are fought together, not in isolation.

Pisces Mars: Compassionate and empathetic, you feel the world deeply. But Mars here can lead to escapism, where you avoid confrontation or hard truths through fantasy or self-sabotage. Ever found yourself dreaming of a savior, or using imagination to escape reality? That’s Pisces Mars, swimming in deep waters of desire, where the line between dreams and reality blurs.

xox astro ash ❤️‍🔥

Get your own astrology reading @ astroash.net

TikTok - astroa3h

[summerofofelia]

Save and Tattoo are both trapped in a cycle of oppression and poverty and make terrible decisions because that’s all they can do, they don’t know anything else and have limited resources.

Save’s decisions are guided by his love for Hope, someone who has clearly always looked after him and they love each other. They are each other’s ride or die.

Tattoo’s decisions are guided by a desperate need to survive and to somehow find safety for himself and his mum. Both Tattoo and Save have made horrible decisions and betrayed people and while I don’t condone their actions, I understand them. They are tragic and pitiful. Who could they be if they were not held back by their circumstances?

Arun, the spoiled little rich boy, is also the timid boy who is constantly neglected by his father. The way he looked at his mother’s necklace at the auction, the way he looked at himself in the mirror, delicately touching her necklace when he got it back, he so clearly longs for his mother, for a parent that loves him. That brief moment in time when his dad hugged him and Arun relaxed slightly into his hold and smiled, only for his father to say, “this will be the last time I see you” was heartbreaking. And even after everything that happened, Arun still threw fists alongside Tattoo and later told Jack and Joke he wouldn’t mention the other items that had been stolen to his dad, thus protecting not just himself but others.

Rosé, on the other hand, was born with a silver spoon dangling from her mouth and lives in a bubble made of Swarovski crystals and diamonds. She is completely oblivious to the way anyone below her station lives, and when she didn’t get her way she ran to Boss, literally unable to form coherent sentences, whimpering like a five year old until she got her way. I’m not saying that Rosé doesn’t have the potential to be a good person, but what I find so hard to swallow about her is her absolute indifference and wilful ignorance.

She tells Jack she envies poor people, a statement so absolutely stupid and honestly, disgusting, I’m amazed Jack didn’t break the table. She burns through millions of baht like it’s no big deal. This level of obliviousness is the luxury of the elite.

Save, Tattoo and Arun are driven by various forms of desperation and circumstance, love and the desire to be loved. And that’s why I’m rooting for the shitty little dudes that fuck up constantly.

[spectorswife]

Where the Heart Never Left

Pairing: Kuai Liang/reader

Word count: 4.1k

Warnings: 18+ only, SMUT with plot, p in v sex, unprotected sex, cunnilingus, biting, fingering, edging, afab!reader, let me know if I missed anything please.

AN: this is my first time writing a fanfiction, so I apologize in advance if this is terrible. This is definitely not proof read

This takes place during part 1 of the story, after Bihan and Kuai fought. (I have not played the DLC yet so please no spoilers) but enjoy the read :)

MDNI PLEASE

It’s been weeks since you stood by Bi-Han, trying to rebuild the Lin Kuei in his image, and every day feels heavier than the last. A part of you keeps whispering that this is the right path, but the weight of what you left behind gnaws at you constantly—your partner, Kuai Liang the only person who ever made me feel like home; who is also Bihan’s brother. You thought you could live with that choice, thought you could bury it deep enough, but it still haunts you. The memory of that day claws at your mind every night, refusing to let go. You abandoned the love of your life, betrayed him for some misplaced sense of duty, and the guilt... the guilt is suffocating. You know you've let him down; you can feel it. He’s probably disgusted, and honestly, you don’t blame him. You deserve it. You  left him to burn while you sought comfort in the cold. 

*I keep telling myself to let it go, but my mind refuses to listen, dragging me back into this endless pit of doubt. No matter how hard I try, it claws at me, screaming that I’m wrong—always wrong. It was all too much. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, so I left. I left the temple, my Grandmaster, the Lin Kuei; only for a little while. I just needed space… I needed air that wasn’t thick with guilt, shame, and judgment in every corner, hearing Kuai’s voice whispering in my head begging me to not leave and his brother telling me I’ve done the right thing. I couldn’t take it anymore, too much for me to handle.. I know I’ll go back, I have to.. That place is a part of me, no matter how much it hurts.*

——————————————————————————————————

*I’m home, but nothing feels right. I thought the voices, the guilt, would stop once I left the source of my agony altogether for a bit. But damn, it’s still here, eating away at me. I want it all to stop. I want what’s best for the clan, but not at the cost of my own sanity. I miss how things used to be. No feuds, no Shang Tsung—just... peace. Gods, I miss you.. I miss you Kuai. I miss what we were, before I walked away. Every part of me wishes you’d come back to me, even though I know I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you. I can’t shake this gnawing feeling that I ruined it all, and there’s no going back now. I must live with it, even though it keeps me up at night.*

The nightmares never stop. You can barely sleep, and when you do, it’s worthless. Most nights, you stay up, trying to outrun the horrors that haunt you the moment you close your eyes, but it doesn’t matter. None of it does. Being awake is just another nightmare—one you can’t escape from. Every breath, every second, is a reminder that you're still trapped, still living the same twisted nightmare; the loss of the love of your life. Sleep offers no peace, but neither does staying awake. It’s a never-ending cycle, and you're drowning in it. All because you picked a damn side. *Damn you Shang Tsung.. Damn you.. you ripped my family apart. These brothers — they were my family. Kuai.. my love, Bihan.. my teacher My protector, Tomas.. My good friend… they were everything to me. Everything I had, and you poisoned Bihan’s mind, shattered the bonds we shared. You took them from me, turned them against each other. I’ve lost everything and… you *gained* from it.. Damn you*

———————————————————————————————

It’s one of those nights again. The nightmares come for you the moment you fall asleep, playing out the same twisted scene on repeat. Bi-Han and Kuai fighting—again. You see it all happen just like before: the ice blade slicing across your lover’s face, the blood, the pain. But this time, it’s worse. This time, Bi-Han doesn’t stop. He goes to finish it, to end Kuai right in front of you... and you’re frozen, helpless, unable to move. Just as the nightmare is about to unravel into something even darker, you’re jolted awake by a knock at the door.

You wake up, disoriented, your mind still tangled in the nightmare. Who could it be? You drag yourself to the door, every step weighed down by exhaustion, your body a mess—hair disheveled, clothes wrinkled, eyes heavy with the remnants of sleep.

You open the door and you see him

Kuai? Your eyes widen instantly with still hints of sleep behind your eyes. He looks rather frantic as well..

What are you doing here? It’s late. More importantly.. Why are you here?

Kuai exhibits a rather shocked expression seeing you in your disheveled state. He didnt think you would answer the door, or quite frankly, even be home. But he quickly composes himself.

“Im sorry for waking you. I didn't realize it was this late. I couldn’t sleep myself. I just… need to speak with you.. May I come in?”

You stare at him with such a soft expression after hearing his words. It’s been so long since you’ve seen him, so you allow him in without a second thought.

“I’m going back to my room to fix myself, I’m a mess right now… evidently… If you wish to follow, please don’t hesitate”

Kuai nods appreciatively and follows you into your home. As you two both enter, you can sense that something is troubling him, however youre conflicted in whether or not it’s your place to ask. But you cave in anyway.

“What’s troubling you Kuai Liang”. The thought of not being as affectionate with him anymore since the incident is killing you, but you know its not right to feel as if your entitled to it.

“It’s… a lot of things, really. But the main thing that has been on m mind these past few weeks is us. Our situation really, or better yet, our separation you can say. I know you chose Bihan’s side, but part of me feels like whats left of us is still there..”

You look back to him confused after fixing yourself up 

“I didnt think there was still an "us" Kuai Liang.. I kept telling myself that since that day. I kept telling myself that you hated me so I wouldn’t continue dwelling but- it wasn’t working”

Kuai’s heart aches as he hears your words and his gaze towards you softens as well. 

“Till this day I still don't understand why you chose his side. But I know you, and you probably have a better judgment than him. I've just been struggling with my feelings for a whole. I cant shake the memory of what we once had before the feud. I cant shake- "

Kuai hesitates for a moment before he finishes his sentence 

“I can’t shake the love that I still hold for you”

A surge of surprise and relief washes over you at his words. You decide to take a seat because its all too much to handle. Deep down, you always hoped he’d come back, but there’s a part of you that knows you don’t deserve his love—not after everything you’ve done. You can’t let yourself make any assumptions, so instead, you blurt out the question.

“What are you saying Kuai Liang…”

Kuai takes a seat next to you, there is still some tension present, your bodies aren’t facing each other but his eyes are locked onto yours as he considers what he wishes to say next.

“I’m saying I want you.. my sweet girl.. if you-  still wish to be called that. I want us together again… I miss loving you, being with you. I know with circumstances now it won’t be easy but my love for you has never died.”

You try with everything in you to look away from him, but it’s impossible. A flood of emotions crashes over you—longing, guilt, desperation. You’ve been waiting for this moment, losing sleep over it night after night. And now, here he is. Yet, the shame is overwhelming, weighing down every part of you, twisting your desire into something you can barely face.

“Sweetheart.. please.. look at me” He gently turns your face toward him, his touch soft but his gaze intense, more so than ever before. Your faces are so close now, and you can’t help but let your eyes flicker between his and his lips. Desire floods through you, but you’re torn. You *want* this—crave it, even—but deep down, you know you don’t deserve it. Not after everything.

“I’ve missed you so much. Being apart from you has been hell.”

Your gaze softens at his words yet your inner turmoil has become your worst enemy. “I’ve missed you too.. but I’ve betrayed you Kuai.. and I don’t deserve forgiveness..”

“Be that as it may..." *Kuai’s voice is firm but still carrying that softness you’ve always known.* "I believe in forgiveness, especially when it’s you. What matters now is what we choose to do from here. Are you ready to accept us, to try again? To build something stronger... together?” 

You stay silent after he speaks, the conflict inside you twisting tighter. You avoid his eyes, looking anywhere but at him, but it’s useless. His hand gently caresses your cheek, drawing you in. Slowly, the space between you fades, the tension thickening as you both move closer, your noses almost brushing. Your gazes lock, and in that moment, it’s impossible to ignore the mix of desire and love simmering between you.

“Kuai..” Is the only word that slips from your lips. You feel your heart beat increase and you hope and pray he doesn’t hear it..

“Please…” is all he says in return. And you can’t help but wonder what he’s pleading.

“Please let me kiss you..”

Your heart skips a beat at his words, but you know the consequences of this endeavor if Bihan were to find out. “We cant..” You say in a slight whisper, trying to mask the desire in your voice.

“I know… but I’m finding it hard to resist. My heart yearns for you my love. I’ve missed you”

You let out a sigh with a mixture of frustration and lust. You know you want him. You’ve craved this moment for so long, you have the love of your life back. But you cant help but feel like this is a dream.

“I’m willing to live with the consequences sweetheart, let my brother find out. As long as I have you, my will to fight will always be great. Sweetheart.. I need you..”

You can't help but sigh once again, feeling his breath fan over your face. You are struggling to give in, and you find your hand placed on his leg as you give it an involuntary squeeze.

Kuai hisses at your action, pressing his forehead against yours; he closes his eyes in frustration. “You're making it very hard for me to hold back.. please.. please.. let me taste you”

His pleading whispers to you send a shiver down your spine. You are still feeling conflicted. It’s very clear what you want and deep down you dont know what’s stopping you from getting it. You rise from your bed in frustration immediately puling yourself out of this situation and start to pace. Kuai is caught off guard by your sudden movement, he gaze towards you as your standing is still a mixture of lust and frustration with now a hint of confusion. “Wait! Where are you going?” his voice now filled with concern as if he’s done something wrong.

“Fuck it” is all you can say before you turn around and pull him in. Your lips pressed against his, the kiss filled with hunger and need.

He pulls you in closer, is muscular arms wrapping tightly around your body, holding you possessively against him as your mouths mold together in such a passionate kiss. You cup his face, internally you wish for him to not pull away. Your steps make your way back to the foot of the bed. Your hands on Kuai’s face feel like a lifeline for him, anchoring him to this moment. The love you two have once shared evidently present in this moment, you two have missed this, you’ve yearned for it for so long and the moment is finally here. As your steps take you back to the bed, he pushes you gently against the footboard, pressing his body against yours, needing to feel every inch of you. The kiss deepens and his hands slowly begin to wander over your body.

Your back slowly falls onto the bed and your legs voluntarily wrap around his waist. Kuai Liang’s body begins to hover over you, body pressed against you, intertwined in a perfect and desperate embrace. His lips move from yours and make their way to your jawline, then down to your neck, leaving a trail of heated kisses where he can feel your pulse throbbing wildly. He pulls away for a moment and you whimper at the loss of contact, he presses his forehead against yours and looks you deep into your eyes, his voice rough and ragged, being consumed by the intensity of this moment. 

“Fuck I’ve missed you sweet girl”

His words send a jolt through your body as you involuntarily grind upwards into him.. Your voice soft and whiny, “I’ve missed you most”

You pull at the hem of his Shirai Ryu uniform wishing for more contact than you two currently have. Knowing your desires, Kuai leans back, giving you space to lift the top of his uniform over his head and toss it aside, his bare chest now exposed to your gaze. In doing so, you reciprocate the action and take off the top of your clothing. You feel his eyes roam over your bare skin, taking in every inch of you, scanning over your collarbone, your chest, your stomach, he’s taking in everything.. like an animal eyeing his prey. He reaches out, his fingertips caressing your curves ever so slightly. His voice low, filled with tenderness and adoration… “You’re so beautiful… every part of you… may I?”

You feel your breath quicken as he touches you and it makes you yearn for him so much more. “Yes.. im yours..” You pull him in for another needy kiss. Your breathless words and the way you pulled him in ignites a primal hunger within him. His hands roam over your bare skin as he presses himself against you. It has been so long since you two have had a moment like this that he is at a loss for words.. “I- I need you..”

“You have me”

Hearing those words unleashed the last bit of restraint he had, claiming your mouth once more in a demanding kiss. His rough calloused hands grab a hold of your hips and presses you into the mattress. He leaves tender kisses over your bare skin, slowly making his way down, you feel your breath quicken once more until he reaches to the waist band of your pants. He looks up at you with desire and you give him a nod. With full permission, he undresses the lower half of your body and he can’t help but let out a low grown at the sight. He stares at your pussy in awe and see how its glistening in your arousal already.. he hasn’t even touched you yet..

“Gods..” He leans his head down on the mattress, trying to keep his composure but you feel yourself writhing from underneath him. “Kuai… please..” You reach towards his head as you wish to push him closer to your heat. 

“Patience sweet girl… needy are we?”

“I need you please.. I need your tongue..”

“Oh darling.. I’m going to take my time with you..”

Kuai presses a tantalizing lick against your folds as you let out a low moan. Your legs could help but close but Kuais hands pry you open once more and keep you pinned.. “no hiding now sweetheart.. just sit back and enjoy..”

Your finger run through his dark hair and you give a tug as he pressed another lick against you and makes his way down to your hole. The tug sends a chill down his spine as he moans at the pain of your pull, radiating in between your legs. The sounds you make are music to his ears and he wishes to pulll every ounce of sound out of you. He presses kisses to your inner thighs and nibbles at each side before diving right back into you. He slowly licks up to your clit and takes it in his mouth gently as twirls his tongue around you. Your back arches at the action and your grip on his hair tightens and Kuai groans once more. 

“Fuck..” Is all you can say. The pleasure is too great and you feel it building up. Your core begins to tighten at his continuous actions. He recognizes your bodily reactions all too well, he knows youre close, however he doesn’t wish for this moment to be over yet.

“Baby.. please” you plead. Your voice filled with desperation. “I’m gonna-“

He stops

The loss of the build up has you in shambles. You plead and look down as to why he stopped, and you see a slight smirk on his face, as his chin is glistening in your juices. he rises back up to your face, “Did you really think it was going to be that easy sweetheart? I told you, I’m taking my sweet time with you” he presses a kiss against your open lips tongue swirling around yours as your taste yourself on his tongue. He makes his way back down in between your legs and stares at you. “Be a good girl for me yeah?” Not knowing what he has planned, you nod regardless, biting your lip to suppress a moan.

He repeats his actions once more, lapping at your juices, his nose rubs against your clit in the right spot and it causes a high pitched moan to escape your lips. Kuai smiles at what he hears as he continues licking at your folds. He takes two fingers and inserts them inside of you. Surprised by the sudden insertion, you pull at Kuai’s hair in pleasure with one hand and you are grasping your bed sheets with another. “Fuck!” You feel his fingers pumping in and out of you as he continues abusing your clit. His pace quickens and he feels the same buildup in your body once more, you tightening around his fingers, almost consuming them involuntarily, the pleasure is too much for you to handle. “I’m gonna-“

“Do it sweetheart, let me taste you fully, you can let go”

You feel yourself reach your climax and you let goes completely, your body almost trembles and shakes as he makes you cum hard into his mouth. Taking in everything that you leave behind. He rises from in between your legs as he stares at your disheveled state and gently caresses your face. “You're not done yet love.. brace yourself” Kuai presses a tender kiss to your lips and your forehead. You smile at his action as you watch him undo his pants, letting his dick free, already dripping with precum. It really was a sight for you. Oh how you missed him…

He slowly aligned himself to your entrance, pushes in achingly slow earning moans escaping from both of your lips. “Fuck..” Kuai groans underneath his breath. You hiss as he stretches you in such a familiar way. He places one of his hands on your cheek as his arm keeps him afloat as he hovers over you. His movements are slow, wanting to drag this out as long as possible as he takes your lips in for another passionate kiss. “I love you..” He whispers between each slow thrust. you moan at his movements and you reciprocate his loving words, “I love you too Kuai..” 

His smallest movements cause your walls to tense around him. With each rock, his breathing deepens and his pants become more desperate but he holds out a little bit longer. You bring your hands to his back as you bring his upper half closer to you, you dig his nails in his back “faster please..”

His self composure slowly crumbling, his pace starts to pick up his eyes locked onto yours, he removes his hand from your face and presses it down on your lower stomach, knowing it feels good for you.

“Talk to me baby.. how does it feel..?” he knows the answer to that, he knows your body like the back of his hand already. He just wishes to hear your voice.

“Perfect..” Your words make his pace alot faster than before. Needy pants escape both of your lips, noises of arousal fill your bedroom. He starts pounding into you, the pace becoming unmatched. Kuai feels his own climax unravelling and his voice starts to become filled with need. “Im so close…”

As Kuai keeps his fast pace, he starts to increase the power behind each thrust literally fucking you senseless. No words escape your lips, just your jaw slacked open, the pleasure becoming too much to handle. It’s becoming too much to handle for him too, Kuai begins to whimper in his own pleasure as you both finally reach your climax. Kuai cums hard into you as you cum as well, your juices all over his dick as his seed spews in your insides. The pressure in both of your nerves finally releases. He pulls out of you and falls next to you. You both lay there for a while, completely fucked out of your minds. As youre catching your breaths, you look down suddenly and see Kuai’s cum leaking out of you and onto your bedsheets. You look back up and stare at him next to you, and you laugh in contentment as you wrap your arms around him. Kuai slightly moans at your sudden touch before he turns to face you and wrap his arms around you. Pressing a kiss to your forehead.

You both hum in relief and contentment as you both fall asleep, completely enveloped in each other’s presence, as if the rest of the world has faded away. You prayed for his return every night, despite the nagging doubt of whether you truly deserved his affection. You missed him so deeply, longing for the days when you were together, wishing for nothing more than to have him back in your life. And now he’s here, in your room and completely engulfed by his presence. And you wish for nothing more.

The morning hits, sunlight filtering through your window, gently stirring Kuai awake from his sleep. He wakes up slowly, arms still wrapped around you. He takes in the sight of you sleeping and a wave of contentment washes over him. He brushes a strand of hair away from your face, a soft smile paying at the corners of his mouth. He notices the peaceful expression on your face as you begin to stir in your sleep. For the first time since the incident, you have slept with no nightmares; he notices a sense of serenity as you sleep and it fills him with so much relief. He continues to watch you before gently rubbing his fingers against your arm in a soothing affectionate gesture.

You sleepily moan at his touch and push yourself further into his embrace. Your sounds make Kuai’s heart skip a beat as he continues to rub your arm. As you stir awake, your back facing his chest, you let out a sleepy satisfied hum as he presses his lips towards the back of your neck and nuzzles his face into your hair, breathing n your scent and savoring the feeling of your body pressed against his. You feel his fingers tracing soothing patterns against your skin; you sleepily take his hand and place it to your lips as you press kisses from his palm to his fingertips. You actions make his heart swell with love, admiring the affectionate gesture. He lets out a soft sigh, hand gently cupping your face and whispering in your ear..

“Gods you're incredible”

You let out a sleepy giggle at his words, wishing you could stay in this moment forever. It feels like a dream come true, a piece of fate finally falling into place. The love you both share has never faded, and it’s as if none of the betrayal, none of the pain ever happened. In this moment, there is only the two of you—untouched by the past, as if you’d never chosen Bi-Han’s side, as if the love in your hearts had never left.

[sorinethemastermind]

Big Feelings Time

In which Soren grapples with what happened the night of the full moon, and makes peace with Runaan on behalf of his king.

 No one was really sure what to do about the elf. Runaan, Soren corrected himself. He had a name.

 The only person he seemed to know how to speak to was Rayla. Probably cause, you know, he was her Dad. And he was here. Soren tried not to think about the mess of emotions that simple fact awoke in him. But it wasn’t that simple, because to Runaan it had only been a few days since he’d killed the king. And now that king’s son was dating his daughter. (Soren was happy Rayla and Callum had finally worked that out, it had been getting awkward). 

 He couldn't really blame the elf for not knowing what to do or where to go. If he stuck by Rayla’s side then Callum was always there, frazzled and distracted and riddled with guilt about the pearl and the castle and everything. It was a lot even without adding the fact that his potential future father-in-law had killed his step-dad. It gave Soren a headache just thinking about it.

 And if he went into the camp at all he was sure to run into Ezran, who seemed to be everywhere at once these days; helping Opeli with the wounded, sending out letters with the Crow whatever-he-was-now. He’d even somehow found the time to visit every family who had fled the fires. Soren thought that the worst part was how Ezran kept trying to smile at the elf even though it looked like the action caused him physical pain. He made a mental note to take him aside later for some Big Feelings Time, as the brothers liked to call it. 

 And then there was, well, him. He had almost killed Runaan. He would have too, if Claudia hadn't stopped him. And then what had happened? His father had trapped his soul in a coin for several years. And that was probably the least of the reasons the elf had to hate him. He could still remember that night; the way the torches had all gone out at once, the clang of metal against metal, the wet sound it made when it didn’t hit metal…

 “Soren?” 

 He jumped. Ezran was there, looking up at him. Soren straightened, making sure to smile. “Yeah?”

 “Were you… sleeping standing up?”

 “No. I was just, uh, thinking. Why?”

 “Because your eyes were closed.” Ezran said, eyebrow arching a little bit. He looked so much like his father when he did that. 

 “It helps me… think.” Soren explained. In all honesty he hadn’t realized they’d drifted closed. It had felt nice, though. 

 “You should get some rest.”

 “I did last night. Just like you ordered.”

 “So this morning you had time to travel all the way to the Valley of Graves, discover that Aaravos had escaped, and come back. All before breakfast?”

 “...Yes?” Soren tried. Ezran didn’t seem impressed, but he didn’t press it. 

 “Have you seen Callum?” he asked instead.

 “I’m pretty sure I saw him and Rayla head over that way.” Soren pointed towards a small clearing in the trees, just across from where they had set up camp. Good. The brothers had barely had any time to talk after Callum got back, what with everything else going on. They needed this.

 “Great. I’m going to go talk to him.” Ezran said, the set of his mouth determined. “Um. Do you think I should say that we need to let go of the past to build a brighter future or that the future is about breaking the cycles of hatred which have kept us chained for so long?”

 Soren sighed. The kid had forgotten how to talk to his own brother. Then he realized what this talk must be about. “Maybe… neither? Callum took the news about the pearl pretty hard, maybe you should wait to talk about… the elf situation.”

 “He’s not the elf, Soren. And he’s not a situation. He’s Rayla’s father.”

 “I know, I know. That’s not what I meant. I just… you’ve got to have some feelings about this whole thing.”

 Ezran did that thing again where he smiled too wide. But despite his obvious efforts, it didn’t reach his eyes. “Why would I have feelings about it? He’s just Rayla’s Dad. I’m glad he’s here!”

 “Yeah, but see, your voice sorta does this thing when you say that that makes me feel like you do have feelings and just…” Soren sighed. “Look, I know I’m not Callum. Obviously. But I’m still here for you, to protect you but also… whatever you need. Like words and stuff.”

 Ezran’s smile wavered and he took a deep breath. “How can I ask everyone to move on from the past when I can’t?” he said quietly, eyes downcast.

 Soren knelt before him, placing his hands on his shoulders the way he used to when he was just a little kid. Before he was a king and everything got all… complicated. “No one is expecting you to move on.”

 “I’m not supposed to hate him, Soren. I really don’t want to. I tried so hard not to. But… but even though it’s been so long I still miss him.”

 “I know.” Soren wrapped his arms around Ezran and pulled him in close, sheltering him in his arms for a moment so that the kid could just be, well, that. A kid. A kid who misses his Dad, and nothing more. 

 The moment didn’t last long, and when Ezran pulled away his eyes were wet, but there was a real determination in them that had been missing before. 

 “I’m going to get everything ready for the trek to the Banther Lodge.” he said, voice taught. “I can talk to him when we get there.”

 “I’ll talk to Runaan.” Soren decided aloud.

 “But, Soren…” Ezran trailed off, biting his lip. “Won't he… remember you from that night?”

 Soren blew a strand of blond hair out of his face. “Yeah. But I can handle it. Look, you go help your people, okay? That’s your job. My job is helping you.” 

 “Thank you.” his king said, standing up a little straighter.

 “You got it.” Soren grinned at him and, after a moment, Ezran walked back the way he’d come.

 Soren’s grin faded along with his fake nonchalance. Ezran might be a quick study, but Soren had years on him. The art of the facade was just that, an art. And you had to practice art. Sort of like poetry, though that somehow needed even more practice.

 It didn’t take long to spot Runaan. He was in the same place he had been since they arrived; hovering just slightly out of view in the trees near the edge of the encampment. Soren rolled his shoulders and pushed his hair out of his face with the back of a gauntleted hand. He had this. 

 “Hey!” he called, waving to the elf in a voice that sounded way too cheery even to his own ears. He tried to modulate it in the middle of the greeting, but all that accomplished was giving him the voice of a prepubescent teen. He tried again as he got closer. “Hey, it’s Runaan, right?”

 The elf looked at him for a long moment. “Yes.”

 “I’m Soren.” instinctively he started to stick out his hand, then decided maybe that wasn’t the best thing for this scenario, and used it to lean against a tree instead. Totally casual.

 “Did someone send you?”

 “What? Me? Noooooo.” Soren laughed. “I mean, I guess I sent myself but… yeah, no."

 “I see.” the elf blinked, a slight crease forming between his eyebrows as he studied Soren. 

 Casual conversation. Casual conversation. Casual conversation. Soren thought desperately, grasping for something to say that would lead them in the right direction. Or any direction other than the one he knew they were about to go.

 “So, what do you think of Katol-”

  “Here to finish me off, then?”

 They both spoke at the same time, seemingly caught off guard by what the other had said.

 Soren practically tripped over his own words to get them out first.  “Definitely not!  I know we didn’t exactly meet on the best of terms but-”

 “You killed one of my companions and were about to chop off my head.”

 “Yes, but-” Soren let out an exasperated huff, tossing his hands into the air. “You killed the king!”

 For a moment neither of them was really sure what to say to that.

 “I… did.” Runaan admitted eventually.

 Soren still remembered how the arrow had looked sticking from the king’s chest. The look of surprise on his face, the way it had seemed to flick from that and through a million other emotions in the time it took him to stagger and slump to the ground. The cold expression that this very elf had worn as he lowered his bow. The blood and the bodies and the pointlessness of it all and-

 “What was his name?” Soren blurted, surprising even himself. But he continued. Maybe knowing would make it worse, but he had to. “The- the one with the twin blades?”

 A shadow passed over Runaan’s face and he closed his eyes for a moment. When he spoke, his voice was quiet. “Skor.”

 Skor. Soren shivered, the cool darkness of that night creeping through him again like a chill breeze.

 “You never forget your first.” Runaan said softly, eyes distant. “We believe that you should honor the fallen, even your enemies. For they have died so that you may live.”

 “I try to.” Soren said, adding Skor to the list of people he owed his life to. If not in the same way. “Look, I know that this can’t be easy for you, working with humans and all. After… everything. But we’re not here because it’s easy. We’re here because it’s the right thing to do. And what you did that night wasn’t right, and what I did wasn’t either. Because there was no right thing that we could have done. But there is now.”

 “A lot has changed.”

 “Tell me about it.” Soren said with a slight smile, trying to lighten the mood. Unfortunately Runaan didn’t seem to understand the concept of lightening or of moods.

 “And yet we still face the same monsters as before.”

 “Uh-”

 “Dark mages have always been a scourge on these lands. And now they have released him. It was only a matter of time. At least now, with our combined strength, we may stand a chance of getting rid of them for good.”

 Soren bristled instinctively at the way he said dark mages even though he knew the elf was right. Better to get it all out in the open now, he decided. “Yeah, about that. The mage who released him, we discussed it and we’re actually not doing any getting rid of.”

 “They released the dark star! They are-”

 “She’s my sister.”

 Runaan stopped mid sentence, looking at him again. His eyes widened with realization. “The girl. The one from that night. She was...”

 “She’s my sister. And… and I know her. I can get through to her. I have to. So that’s the plan. That’s what we’re going to do.” 

 “She is a dark mage. They have no respect for the living-”

 “I’m standing here because of dark magic.” Soren said, voice rising. “Your daughter is here because of dark magic. Katolis-” he swept his hands back towards the encampment and the people there. “-is here because of dark magic. It isn’t right, and it’s not fair. But it’s also true.”

 “My daughter… is here… because of dark magic?”

 Soren sighed. Maybe he shouldn't have said that. “A lot of us are.”

 “Not the mage from the castle?” Runaan breathed, eyes going wide.

 “No. Not him. That was my father. He… he and Rayla didn’t get along.”

 “Your… father.”

 “Yeah.”

 “And yet you are here, with them. With my Rayla.”

 “It took me a while to realize who he really was.” Soren said, voice quiet. “I think I’m still figuring it out.”

 “I have made many mistakes as a father.” Runaan said, looking past him and towards the encampment. “That night… was one of them. And yet Rayla forgave me, even when I could not forgive myself.”

 “That’s who she is. She gives people second chances, even when they don’t know if they deserve them. Look,” Soren sighed. “I’m not going to tell you it’ll be easy, cause it won’t. But Rayla deserves to have her Dad back, and none of us will hold that against her. Or you.”

 “A lot has changed.” 

 “Everything. Everything has changed. Because of her. Because of what she and Ezran and Callum did. So live up to it.”

 “I will try.” 

 “Good.” Soren said, and the silence that followed was more comfortable this time. The truth of that night would always linger over them all, but maybe there was a light in the darkness as well. Rayla had her Dad back. 

 At least one of them should.

[astarions-wife]

I can’t believe it’s come to the point of analyzing Cazador for all of you, but considering the amount of “Cazador can be redeemed!” And “Cazador x reader” I’ve seen, I feel like i need to make this.

So you feel pity for Cazador because he also suffered at the hands of his master. Good. That’s the point. You should feel something for Cazador, he also suffered abuse, and was dragged into the cycle of it by Vellioth. It’s awful, it’s terrible, but it doesn’t mean he’s redeemable.

Very much so, when Cazador kills Vellioth and chooses to start the cycle of power and abuse over again, he was too far gone. He made the choice, the conscious choice to be the same as his old master. Of course he’s suffering internally, somewhere is the soul of someone who lost everything, and became something awful. However he doesn’t even say he wishes for a reset. He wishes for death. Only in death is he free of the cycle of abuse, for his role in it is too far gone at this point.

“Orin and Gortash have apologists!” They do, but they’re also under different circumstances. It’s also justifiable to absolutely hate Orin and Gortash (believe me, even as someone who believes Gortash could’ve been better, I killed him in my initial run). Specifically as the Dark Urge, you can tell Orin that she’s being used just as Kethric and Gortash were. She’ll even break down as if she’s realizing that all this death she’s done in the name of her father/for her God, has been her being taken advantage of. Though she never gets a chance to be better, because she’s forcibly transformed in this ending, it’s just a sneak peak of what could have been. She was being used, and while it doesn’t erase or justify ANYTHING she did (and you’re well within your right, and should hold her accountable), it at least gives the player insight on to what could have been.

Likewise with Gortash, a victim of abuse at the hands of Raphael, with canonical lines on how he was beaten in the House of Hope as a little boy. His own parents sold him out, and he ended up being so desperate to be bigger, to have more power, that he also let himself be used, and in turn lost everything he worked hard for (and sold out Karlach, which is absolutely unforgivable of course). However he wasn’t too far gone. You can see his loyalty to you depending what options you pick, and although death is his inevitable end, it still shows that there was still a person inside.

There wasn’t a person in Cazador anymore. He was trapped behind the wall of abuse that he continued, and refused to even acknowledge it, or try and see reason. Perhaps it wasn’t possible for him, but ultimately his actions brought him here. Those that say Ascension for Astarion would free him of those chains, are simply wrong. Why does Astarion deserve to live, anymore than his siblings? Or the seven thousand people who were turned against their will? Of course Astarion is more, controlled in his hunger—but so are his siblings. Even speaking to them after the fight they’ll all vow and attest that they can control themselves, and they’ll even help the others if brought to it.

Ascended Astarion picks up the abuse cycle, killing thousands of people with just his first command. Ascended Astarion no longer speaks to you, but instead at you. You’re his “favorite” spawn, but then again Cazador had favorites didn’t he? And all of them suffered just as badly as the rest. Ascended Astarion even mentions “covering the world in darkness for his spawn”, which shows him continuing the abusive cycle that got Cazador in the first place.

Cazador dying, and spawn Astarion choosing to break the cycle is the significant ending. The best ending for Cazador, the only one for him, is to let him die. He’s a horrible, cruel, bitter man, and any sense of his humanity died long ago. Only in his dreams is there anything left, and he’s too cut off to even reach them anymore.

We also know that the Szarr’s had family. There are relatives to Cazador (see his niece), and clearly it wouldn’t have been wrong of him as a vampire to have a family if he so chose. But he didn’t seek out a partner, like some of his other (vampire) relatives did. He chose to only live by his spawn, whom he considered his children, showing that he truly didn’t see a need for a partner. Themes of family are a vital part of his story, but the element of a romantic partner never has been.

TLDR—Some villains in this game are understood, and potentially redeemable if given the option. Cazador is not one of them.

[angelstate]

FWB!Soap x InloveFem!Reader.

+18 content warning

FWB!Soap who claims to not feel romantic feelings for you, saying that he sees you as a friend and values your friendship too much to try and have a serious relationship with you. It's meaningless sex at the end of the day (at least to him), just using each other to not spend the night alone.

FWB!Soap spends most of his paid leave in your bedroom, secluded from the friends he claims to have apart from you, fucking you in every position he can manhandle your body into, your legs over his shoulder, pulling you by your arms so you don’t fall in while he fucks you standing doggy.

FWB!Soap really likes to spend his free time with his cock buried in one of your three holes, making you sob from pleasure and pain while he gets off by the way tears run down your eyes, overstimulated and spent yet still letting him do whatever he wants with you, a true sweetheart you are.

FWB!Soap who would rather kill every man that tries to court you than find another person to fuck while not being in a serious relationship, he values you too much to let another man have you (but he doesn’t love you, right?) so it’s a back and forth between talking you into not going on dates, threatening guys who approach you when you are out with him and as a last resort, talking shit about you behind your back to them when you invite them to your shared apartment. warning them about how crazy you get when you enter a relationship (you are a fucking angel, soap knows that but he doesn’t want other guys to know)

FWB!Soap who thinks he is the only one allowed to fuck other people, going out to clubs and fucking girls in a dark alleyway, (he would never bring them to your apartment) the smells of a woman’s perfume lingering on his shirt and the hickeys on his neck a clear evidence that he went and fuck someone who isn’t you. it hurts when he does it, he knows how much it breaks your heart, he has listened to you sob at night more times than he can count every time he has returned with hickeys and lipstick stains.

FWB!Soap who after he hears you crying because of him tries to cheer you up, buying you gifts of your special interest or hobbies. inviting you to eat dinner at the fancy restaurant you don’t go to often because of the high prices. and he treats you wonderfully, princess treatment to its max extent, doing everything he can to soothe the ache in your heart from knowing he fucks other girls even though you’re not a couple.

FWB!Soap who is aware of the vicious cycle he trapped himself in, fucking you for days straight, going out and fucking another girl, listening to you cry when you see the hickeys, and doing everything he can to make you feel better, hating how much he hurts you without meaning to before repeating it all again.

FWB!Soap gets undeniably scared at times, fearing you will get tired of him and his actions. he knows what he is doing is wrong but is so fucking hard for him to be in a committed relationship being constantly deployed to different countries. he tried it once and it didn’t work out, so why try again? He has you after all, and being friends with benefits fills his basic needs for the most part.

FWB!Soap is so painfully oblivious to the signals he and you give. Of course, he holds your hand when you're out in public because you get lost easily, walks closer to the street because is safer for you, stands behind you so creeps don’t look at your ass, kisses your forehead every once in a while when he’s talking to someone so you know he isn’t ignoring you.

FWB!Soap does the absolute max to be a good “friend” to you and make you feel loved since being friends with benefits with him makes it impossible for you to get a boyfriend. he knows he’s compensating you for the pain he causes you, and trust him, he does love you but he doesn’t love you. (that’s what he tells himself)

FWB!Soap who after speaking to Ghost and feels nothing short of a piece of shit for the dynamic of your situationship. “you’re going to lose her, Johnny” Simon oh so generously said to him after hearing Soap rant for almost 20 minutes about how he had taken you out to eat because he felt guilty for making you cry once again. (he is a piece of shit to the core)

FWB!Soap comes home after being deployed for almost three weeks only to see a man in your apartment, sitting on the couch like he owns the place while you come out for the kitchen with a bowl full of popcorn, surprised to see Soap standing at the door, not expecting he would be back so soon but happy regardless of his arrival.

“Johnny!” you high pitch squeal fills his ears and he feels hot from anger and joy, he lets you jump on his arms, hugging him the best you can with the height difference, his gear still on, a gun tucked on his belt holster while he hugs you back, staring darkly at the guy on the couch he is already planning how to kill. “hi bonnie” he answers a few seconds later, pulling away from the hug, his hands on your hips so you can’t move away, claiming possession of you to the man sitting not even 10 feet away from him.

He knows he shouldn’t be selfish and let you move on from him, but he is a new man after speaking to Ghost. He swears by it. He knows he loves you, he knows he wants a future with you so why don’t you wait for him just a little bit longer, why jump at the first opportunity you had to find another man? He had never brought any woman home, so why did you bring someone? you’re not playing fair, at least not by the game he put you in forcefully.

And he feels murderous, truly psychotic but doesn’t act on it, no. He would never subject you to that side of him, instead he decided to play just as dirty as you had done. “Why don’t you tell me who's your friend, Bonnie, aye?” he asks, manhandling you softly so you turn around to face the man on the couch who is awfully quiet. Soap guides you, making you walk forward, his hands not leaving your hips.

“he’s Matt, he’s one of my brother's friends” Your sweet voice rings he’s ears and for a moment he thinks that maybe this isn’t a date then, that maybe your brother’s friend just decided to visit you but Soap isn’t that fucking dumb, not when it comes to see the intentions guys have with you. “Matt, this is Johnny my…friend” you add a few seconds later, hesitating on what to call Soap, because sure, you are friends, but you also fuck, cuddle and go out on dates that neither of you ever actually called dates but the implication is there, all that is lacking is the title soap refuses to give to everything he does with you and to you.

you rather not be here in this situation, knowing how soap can get when you meet up with friends he doesn’t know about, and he wasn't even meant to come home today, not even this week and you had questions as to why he had returned so early but it wasn’t the right moment to ask, not with how fucking serious soap sounded (he is never serious around you)

“figured that one out quickly, love” Matt responds, a chuckle leaving his lips even though to Soap nothing was fucking funny right now, quite the opposite but he decides to play along with the clear joke of a man you let into your home. he does want to ripe his throat off because he called you Love and he might as well just do it (when you aren’t present of course.)

Soap sets one of his hands on his gun, moving to stand beside you so the guy can see he’s armed and isn’t afraid to kill him, he had his hands stained with people’s blood, what’s another life to take, everything for you, anything for you. defending an ownership of you he didn’t have.

“don’t mean to kick ya out mate but I rather you go, need to talk to my girl, aye?” Soap says, trying to be polite but he doesn’t give a shit if it comes out as him kicking Matt out, he is kicking him out after all, just with much kinder words for your well-being, not because he respects or wants to be him to the piece of shit on your couch.

And you caught onto Soap truly meant quickly, but it’s all overpowered by the fact he called you his girl, his fucking girl. and you know that with him you shouldn’t get your hopes high no matter how much he sweet talks you and calls you his, he’s done it before and not held up to the name he gave you.

FWB!Soap is a complicated mess when it comes to feelings and showing you how much he loves you because he truly doesn’t do well in relationships and doesn't want to break your heart. God knows how much he hates to see you hurting because of him. But maybe tonight he can’t stop caring for a few hours, just enough time to get rid of that stupid friend of yours and make sure he doesn’t ever appear in your life again, you don’t want a guy like him around, one who doesn’t respect Soap as your lover even though he isn’t.

FWB!Soap really hates breaking your heart, but he acts upon what’s best for you and your tears are a price worth paying so you can live your best life. The death of Matt shouldn’t come as a shock to you, but it does. Because although you know what Soap is capable of, you don’t expect him to just kill someone because they were interested in you and didn't shy away from trying and taking you away from him.

FWB!Soap who realizes that it’s time to make you his, because even though he doesn’t mind killing people to make you his, still is a fucking difficult job to find ways to dispose of the bodies without leaving evidence of his doing.

Boyfriend!Soap who ends up killing a few more people once he already made you his girlfriend but gladly does so when men come too close to you and are too bold and actually threaten your relationship with Soap. Maybe he should move you to a small city in Scotland, marry you, and give you a kid so you’re too busy being devoted to your family to ever notice how there are better men than Soap interested in you.

[smytherines]

Fuck it, here's an Agent Mega dissertation

Alright since I have such elaborate headcanon for my beloved precious Owen Carvour, I guess I should do it for Agent Curt Mega too. Sigh.

So, going off of the last big one, if Owen is born in 1928, then I'm gonna say Curt was born in 1930. I'm forever won to the Texan agent mega headcanon, but I think it's safe to say that Mrs. Mega is not from Texas, probably more like New York or I've seen people say New Jersey.

We know nothing about Agent Mega's dad, but I imagine he was kind of a loser and low level con artist and moved his pregnant wife down to Texas to do scams around the bustling oil industry, and then soon after Curt was born a scam collapsed and he ran off. It's either that or an Aladdin 3 situation where he was secretly a spy the whole time and had to go into hiding.

So we've got mama Mega, raising a VERY hyperactive (read: ADHD) little boy on her own, in a place where she doesn't have any support, and he just becomes her entire world. But she has to work a lot, so Curt becomes used to taking care of himself, and most importantly- keeping himself busy so he doesn't lose it.

In this headcanon Curt would only be 15 when WWII ends- not old enough to fight, but definitely old enough to have personally known a lot of kids from his hometown who come home in caskets. I just truly think of WWII as a formative experience for both these guys. For Curt it just feeds into that inferiority complex.

Now anybody who has ADHD knows that you already spend a lot of your life feeling inadequate, feeling self-conscious about not being able to be the person other people want you to be (*especially* if you're queer). You get defensive, especially when criticized. You also get restless.

I headcanon Curt as growing up in Abilene, Texas, mostly because I have a friend who grew up there and I've visited and the vibe is right.

I don't know if anybody has ever seen The Last Picture Show, but its a film set in small town Texas in 1951-1952 (so a little late for our timeline but still) and it's (more or less) about two high school seniors essentially trying to escape this suffocatingly small, dying town before they become doomed to spend their lives trapped there.

That's definitely what I think about Agent Mega too- this gay, ADHD teenage boy climbing the walls of this little town, never being able to fully be himself. But he's got a lot of energy (and more than a little anger) to burn off, so he does sports. It's Texas, so football for sure. Maybe wrestling too. Perhaps wrestling is even where he has his gay come to jesus moment.

And when he isn't doing sports, he's home, alone (mama Mega is working so hard), out back drinking a beer (or two, or three) and teaching himself how to shoot. I think he becomes hyperfixated on becoming an expert marksman, because with all of this shit he cannot control, all the stuff he is supposed to be but isn't, this is one area where it feels like he has the power here.

What starts off as "kid drinking beer to feel cool and rebellious" starts to morph into a lifetime dependence on alcohol. Substance use is a big issue for a lot of ADHDers for the same reason I think it would be for Curt- it calms him down. It eases that constant restlessness in his bones. It softens the edges of other people's criticisms of him. It makes him care a bit less what others think about him.

In a vicious cycle, he drinks to avoid feeling those big feelings (especially as a man, especially as a gay man, especially as a gay man in Texas), but the drinking leads to more criticism, which leads to more drinking to numb the emotional response to that criticism.

But his hyperfixation on learning to shoot pays off. Let's say he becomes a junior state champion trapshooter (did I look up trapshooting competitions from the 1940s? yes I did). He's good, especially when he hits the sweet spot of drinking just enough to calm his ass down but not so much that he's useless. Maybe this is how he comes to the attention of the A.S.S.

And he fully believes that these skills he cultivated, the ability to hit hard and run fast and shoot accurately, his ability to escape when it doesn't feel remotely possible, is why many years later he just kinda rolls his eyes at Owen for insisting that they do things carefully and methodically. Careful didn't get him out of small town Texas. Careful didn't get him the exciting non-stop life he has now, a life where he *almost* gets to be himself a lot of the time.

When Owen "dies," and its Curt's fault, he naturally turns to drinking to numb that pain. But its a lot of pain, so it takes a lot of alcohol to kill it.

I'm sure I could go on, but as always I have rambled a lot here so I'm just gonna leave it.