#it's so difficult to talk about rui

[sankatsuka]

Backlit Lens Flare and CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY Discussion - Reigniting The Passion Lost to Peer Pressure

Everyone wants to have a place to belong, where the hard work we pour into the things we love will be seen and appreciated by people. But what happens when you decide you will never find this place and resign yourself to a life of solitude, only to be proven wrong by a group of people who insist on your wholehearted hard work? And it only later dawns on you that you will someday have to part ways and you will lose the miraculous place you finally found.

This is what I like to think Rui Kamishiro encapsulates - the battle between being yourself and wanting a place to belong. How easy it is to get swayed from what you love when you think you've found this place and start to subconsciously dedicate your passion to this place instead, to the point that if you're not aware enough, you can forget the feelings in your original passion (resulting in the hesitation and doubt in Curtain Call). After all, nobody is the same, and if you focus too much of your passion on them, that passion becomes about them and not yourself. Ultimately, it is how not acknowledging a healthy boundary with people who are different from you can affect your passion (Shiho as a character is very integral to this).

Warnings:

I believe the entire WxS plot is meant to be misdirection.

Personal interpretation of Rui and several characters by inferring from text.

I believe Rui is a flawed person with no bad intentions, so there will be criticism of his character here. I really suggest turning away if it upsets you.

Spoilers for all WxS unit stories up till Backlit Lens Flare (as well as for Saki, Shiho, Akito, Mafuyu and Mizuki's characters up to their most recent stories)

Edit (11/2/2024): Made multiple edits as always, but biggest change is talking more about the foils in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY and Kitty's message. Edit (12/2/2024): Compulsory mention of Rui's mom and how he was set up for failure from way back then. Edit (12/2/2024): Expansion on the parallels between Rui and Mafuyu - what it is that makes them the CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY and Jackpot Sad Girl. And a summary on how three commission parallels supports this interpretation of CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY about Rui's characters. Edit (13/2/2024): Lets add a bit more about how Resonate with You criticizes Rui's actions in Curtain Call. AND MANJI ALSO BEING A SLANG MEANING EXCITEMENT, STILL APPLIES TO TSUKASA IDC!!

Rui's character in the story starts off as someone who has thrown the part of himself who wants to have fun making things with people after being repeatedly let down by them. The early times with Wonderlands x Showtime helped him remember that desire from childhood to find a place that accepts that desire, that he criticizes Tsukasa for not appreciating WxS - for not realizing the best shows can't be accomplished without friends.

"--The best shows can't be done alone."

Following the fallout, Tsukasa and WxS' continued insistence and appreciation of him makes him start to see them as a place he can finally belong to. The place he's searched for for so long since childhood. That when he saw Tsukasa get hurt, he became swayed from doing the things he wanted to do for the first time and he hadn't even noticed it - because Tsukasa might leave him like his classmates had, so he has to hold back so as to not disappoint him further. This resulted in Tsukasa and Ruis second argument, with Tsukasa being angry at Rui for lying and holding back - which I later argue is the exact same feelings in his FUZAKERUNA in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY.

"This is surprising. I didn't think I'd ever feel this way." "Being afraid of losing your place, and then being unable to face the actors who seriously respond to you - this is a failing as a director."

However, this entire ordeal ended in Rui acknowledging his weakness, putting the whole deal behind them and moving on with the show, as KAITO advised. (Spoiler: it isn't weird at all to say that this happens again, with how he deals with it so indifferently like this.)

And then in Curtain Call, he becomes painfully aware that everyone may leave someday for their dreams--

"Someday, the day we will have to depart will come... For both me, and everyone."

Doesn't this just seem like a repeat of Halloween in a different way? He's scared they'll all leave him alone. One can say that Curtain Call ignited the exact same fear of being left alone and losing your place that Rui felt in Halloween - and his reaction feels exactly the same too: acknowledge it, put it behind you and move on to doing what is best for the best shows. After all, Rui lives for the best shows, because it is what makes him most happy - albeit Backlit Lens Flare suggests how he doesn't actually fully remember the joy and passion for shows he had as a child (discussed later). The best way to put it is - Rui feels like a walking corpse of his childhood.

Normally, when you realize this possibility of parting in the future, you talk to your friends about this (see: Saki Focus 3, Get Over It). But Rui refrains from talking to the people he should be talking to (WxS) and proceeds to go for the most obvious decision for his dream by joining Arklands. Only after Asahi turns him away does he go for the next obvious option he sees - the reckless decision that he would do everything in his power to achieve everyone's dreams together. And he can so confidently chase it because he's smart, only to be put down in Backlit Lens Flare lol.

Rui has really just been powering his way through the things he finds unpleasant, as KAITO had told him to in Halloween, ignoring the bad parts and doing everything for the sake for the best shows. You can really, really argue that KAITO's advice in Halloween seems very, very morally ambiguous now lol. He doesn't think ahead of what is the best choice and what would make him happiest - it's as if he's avoiding the very line of thought of how he would do post-WxS. Compared to Shiho in Focus 1, 'Resonate With You', who shows how she has thought it through and is happy enough just spending time with Leo/need for leisure - Rui doesn't even reach this line of thought of what happens next.

I think that he avoids thinking properly about these stuff because he wouldn't have a proper answer to it. Can he really trust Asahi when many other people have disappointed him after showing some interest before this? On the other hand, he's argued with Tsukasa twice and everyone is still enthusiastic - WxS is the only place he's ever felt secure.

"There were a few people who saw my ideas and said, 'it would be interesting if we could do it'." "But even those people gradually became reluctant with the more new ideas I brought to them."

It may generally be underestimated in the story just how much Rui doesn't inherently trust people and actors.

Even CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY begins with 'Nobody's listening anyway. Music's all just fashion, players leaving the field after devouring dead sounds one night.' which can be interpreted as people who became reluctant after they spent too long around Rui as he says to KAITO above, innit.

And then, Backlit Lens Flare happens and Rui encounters ??? (Sakaki). Sakaki immediately identifies the problem with Bakuno's acting, pinpointing it to the directors instead of the actor. Rui was not able to.

Remember, the freelance option isn't permanent - there's the possibility someone may be recruited away (It's a story for another day that he is only really worried about Tsukasa instead of the whole WxS but doesn't realize this). Rui paying attention to their growths first of all before his own is testament to how he's trying to make sure they quickly grow so they can achieve their dreams together:

"...It seems it became good stimulation for both of them right away." "...I also need to more proactively study from this opportunity."

So even now, Rui is more worried about WxS over himself. He prioritizes making sure they are getting something out of the freelancing gig over himself. Only after watching them was he stimulated to do his best too - and here comes the question, where did his drive to be proactive for his own passion go to?

Sakaki's ingenuity finally pops this question to Rui's mind. Had Rui's brain not been filled with the worry of losing his place, he may have been able to think more clearly and just as quickly reach the same conclusion as Sakaki. If he had been filled with thoughts of what was satisfying for himself instead of how he could stay with everyone, he may have been able to create a much better film (see: Shiho Focus 3, Stick to Your Faith). In fact, why is he even so bothered about falling behind Sakaki, when Rui isn't even an adult or a professional director himself?

It's not normal to be bothered about that: Nene was never hard on herself for not being as good as Kazamatsuri, because it's a given she's far away. But she does get upset with herself when she realizes she had looked down on Sakurako and naively seen her as an equal. You only react that way with people you see as equals if you're secure.

Perhaps, the passionate person Rui used to be would have admired Sakaki and want to learn from him out of a pure love for shows instead. And not be so bothered about how he was falling behind professionals.

We see Rui fail twice in the story: not figuring out the problem with the scene, and not thinking ahead of personalizing the script like Ohara had. (There is a third time too: how Tsukasa and WxS seem so moved by Bakuno's performance that Rui played no part in - meaning there are others who could easily replace him - if the emotions in this discussion hold true). And it's no wonder it would have him start questioning and blaming his obsession with WxS for it - if he had not been preoccupied with them, he may have avoided his failures altogether, and even if he did, he wouldn't have been this upset.

It's like a hit to his ego. Is how he's acting and behaving really the same boy who loved shows and would do anything for a show that would satisfy him?

Right now, it's as if Rui is trying hard to protect his position as a talented genius that surpasses everyone so WxS will need him for their dreams and want him around. No one can replace him; only he can achieve their dreams for them.

But Sakaki and Ohara prove him wrong.

The closing lines of Backlit Lens Flare, where he focuses on his own feelings towards directing instead of anything WxS learned, implies this self-realization of how he had been behaving. Rui is finally focused on himself.

"I'm disappointed that I didnt come up with this method, but strangely enough, I feel refreshed." "Directing... really is interesting."

FIRST UP. WHY DID YOU NEED TO COME UP WITH THE METHOD. SECONDLY, WHY ARE YOU REFRESHED. It makes sense to me as someone who's been carried away a lot: when you realize you lost sight of your original intentions and began worrying more about so many unnecessary things, you feel bitter at your mistake but relieved and refreshed you've finally been woken up.

To me, all of these feel like they're pointing to Rui being afraid of losing his place in WxS. So he has to be capable of solving everything, achieving everyone's dreams, so they will need him for it and they can keep staying this way. Before this, it seemed like a normal human emotion he had just never experienced before, but now, it's starting to show it's actually detrimenting his passion.

This is what I believe the theme of trends are playing into in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY - doing anything you can to make sure there will be people to hear and appreciate your music, and the spite in realizing you've lost yourself in that pursuit. Money is the artificial love you receive by catering to people so they would stay and listen to you. It's heartless, but following his character, it seems the crowd he's referring to is WxS. Because they have their strong individualistic dreams and just won't simply stay with him as he wants them to, he has to keep worrying about keeping up with them (Tsukasa mainly):

But still, here, there, everywhere, loners, manji, Gen Z, even monkeys want it.

Loners=Rui Manji (a sign of good things to come)=Tsukasa (being surrounded by good luck charms; kanji 天 being associated with heaven; inviting Rui to WxS) (edit: manji is also a slang for excitement, which Tsukasa literally is for Rui) Gen Z=Nene (digital age, playing video games) Monkey=Emu (in Rui's picnic card and Emu in Sky's Edge)

(In NY2, Emu ended up drawing tons of big luck omikuji, and Tsukasa is surrounded by monkeys in Island Panic - so you can suggest their roles are reversed. But the robot monkey Tsukasa in picnic suggests Tsukasa isn't a real monkey.)

Curtain Call and Backlit Lens Flare together show how not addressing and expressing fears properly and simply moving on changes nothing. Self-awareness and powering through is useless advice - anyone who's had troubles with lovers, friends and family know you need to talk and accomodate each other. Or not, is it even feeling loved and cared anymore, isn't it just about control then?

In Resonate with You, Shiho makes Leo/need think through their choice to join her into becoming a professional, rather than accepting them right off the bat. She knows from her prior experience working with people that half-hearted musicians would only fail, suffer and drop out. It is only by Leo/need wholeheartedly declaring their intentions of facing music sincerely and seriously that Shiho is convinced that they can all do it together for sure. This is such a contrast to Rui in Curtain Call where he decides on his own that he will find a way for WxS to achieve their dream together, while barely thinking at all. And he winds up focusing so much on making sure WxS stays together. You need to think it through, face the future seriously and talk properly. NOT JUST LEAVE IT THERE!!

Or else you'll lose sight of your original motivation from focusing too much on things that don't really matter as much to you: you'll just end up half-hearted.

Further proof that Backlit Lens Flare is Rui's realization of his half-heartedness since Curtain Call, is that Tsukasa gets angry at him in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY like he does in Halloween. It isn't even a desperate shout to save someone - it's like a look of pure judgmental disappointment, as if they've been through this already. Stop lying.

He already shouted in anger in Halloween. If that didn't reach Rui, then there was no point in being all angry anymore.

Rui was repeating Halloween, trying so hard to protect the place he belongs to and forgot what he himself truly wants. From there, the lyrics in the entire CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY are self-explanatory: what happened to the things you wanted to sing? (I was so happy with the lyrics because it was exactly what I was thinking in Curtain Call but no one seemed to care).

One thing you can never take away from Rui is that he is a very, very passionate guy. He loves what he does that he would spend every waking hour of his day working on it. Even if he's become a shell of his former self, his body is still naturally drawn to shows (Samsa Kanade reference heh). And Rui himself believes himself to be purely passionate too. So when he realizes that passion has been thoroughly dirtied, it makes sense he's as angry as he is in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY.

In Anni 2, Rui says he didn't know what he wanted to do like Mafuyu, but then he corrects himself to say he THOUGHT he knew.

"Actually, in the past, I didn't know what I wanted to do." "No... I should say that I thought I knew, but I actually didn't know at all."

For a brief moment, Rui thought he was just like Mafuyu with nothing to call his own. Until he quickly remembers that he did indeed have something he wanted to do, but claims to have been mistaken.

Why did you briefly relate to a girl who felt like she had nothing she wanted to do like everyone else, if that isn't a sign of his current state of mind - feeling like he has no dreams like WxS, and having to keep up with them so that he can feel like he belongs (discussed later in the parallels with Cinema). His lost passion became more evident at this point of the story.

If you 'thought you knew', then that means it was once a genuine feeling too. Even if you're alone, doing what you love is still fun - Shiho in her Focus 3, 'That Day, The Sky Was Far Away' demonstrates this. Although she had been let down by the bandmates, she was still fine alone because music made her feel better. And she even inspired Mihane because of her enthusiasm. After all, what you love to do should make you happy to some extent.

In comparison, Rui seems to have forgotten that shows were actually fun in middle school (probably because Stick to Your Faith never happened for him). When he approached Mizuki, he was standoffish and didn't think to introduce Mizuki to the fun of shows even when they expressed some interest in it. Probably because he couldn't even remember it himself. But being able to make that decision suggests he did still have some semblance of emotions that felt like shows were fun. Once again, a walking corpse of his chiildhood.

In the end, it's like he already lost this original joy for shows since middle school, and then grew even more confused about what made him happiest with the new joy he experienced after finding a place in WxS. He hasn't been able to wholeheartedly enjoy his passion because he's been continuously rejected, and he thought he was having fun when WxS accepted him - but in the end, that fun was from finally finding a place.

Update: Tetrad gives more implications of how Rui had gone astray post-Curtain Call. Tsukasa and Rui sing together, "We're facing the same direction", but Rui appears troubled. It's like Rui can't declare that he is chasing his dreams as confidently as the rest of WxS. Deep down, a part of him probably knew this even before Backlit Lens Flare happened but was afraid of facing it.

I would further go on to associate CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY to both Kitty and Cinema which its imagery resembles. The card set takes place in Shibuya where Kitty takes place in, and Cinema uses the same director's cut + Tsukasa's trained card directly mentions Cinema on the billboard.

There's also the naming that is clearly based on Jackpot Sad Girl - which I think just goes to highlight how both Rui and Mafuyu have the power through it mindset that it lands them dead and sad respectively: people need to reconcile their differences with others to truly love and feel alive (Rui) and people can't endure stress for too long without getting depressed (Mafuyu). Both ignored their human needs and thus this is where they wound up.

The parallel with Kitty feels like it's also within the overall messaging - how facing things can lead to losing yourself even more when you aren't mentally prepared and have no clear-cut answer (sounds similar to what Rui carelessly did in Curtain Call, doesn't it?). In Mafuyu's case, she seemed about ready to change herself again to please her mother, and in Mizuki's case, opening up to Niigo would make them more sensitive to what they say and probably even change themselves so as to not be left alone. Mizuki has even expressed this sentiment once by dressing as a boy in middle school, when they already knew they loved cute things since childhood and was even reaffirmed by their sister.

In Our Survival and Escape, the point is made that it's BECAUSE Mizuki never opened up to Niigo that they were able to protect their heart. Compare this to Rui, who bore everything about himself to WxS by not holding back with his performances and past and thus gained their unconditional acceptance. As a result, he becomes swayed by them when he realizes that things would come to an end and becomes preoccupied with stopping it even at the cost of himself - his passion. If Mizuki had similarly put their utmost trust in Niigo like this, it wouldn't be surprising either if they quickly get swayed to stop expressing themselves too if one of them ever expressed dismay (hinting that they would leave).

Thus, in order to find the answer to real love, you have to protect your heart first, even if it means running away and distancing yourself from others (Kitty). But unlike Mizuki, Rui was taught from childhood to simply not care about what people say, so he has never been aware of just how much words can affect you (compare the advice Mizuki's sister and Rui's mom gave them: completely different). This winds him up in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY, where he's unknowingly adjusting himself for WxS to not leave him.

As for Cinema, both songs capture how Akito and Rui's struggles and fears at the time feel like the exact same - being left behind and losing your place because you weren't enough, to the point of losing who you really are (Akito pushing himself to be passionate to match everyone else, Rui falling into the trap of peer pressure to match everyone else. What they envy in 'everyone else' is how they want things that Akito and Rui don't feel like they really care about and view as meaningless. But in truth, they don't care about it only because they're more concerned about belonging - they've always had it deep down in them.).

But in Akito's case, VIVID BAD SQUAD directly reaches out for him when he pushes himself far too much and forces himself to suffer to make up for his lack of talent. That's why Akito is reassured that even at his weakest and most pathetic, there will be people there who refuse to leave him alone. So Cinema feels like Akito freely lamenting on how he's different from the people, that he can't keep up with them, but with VBS by his side, he feels like it's fine to find and pursue who he truly is.

On the other hand, CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY feels like Rui's suppressed spite from having to keep up with WxS in order to not be left alone. Because everyone else will betray him, it has to be and can only be WxS who've endured him until now. It's the first time he found people who would stay, so he's desperate not to lose them that he would subconsciously change himself so he can keep matching their needs. And the realization makes him spiteful, because he's lost what was fun for him from that need to change for others to stay. And he's left to stay lost to the very end, because the only way right now for him to be himself and stop worrying is by others matching him instead, but there is no way to 100% control people - compared to Akito who found his answer by coming to terms with the impossibility to control yourself to be someone else. Because VBS was there to accept him as he was when he was trying so hard to be someone else.

Rui will probably eventually realize he has to just accept he's lost his passion from the fear of being alone and stop lamenting controlling everything around him, once he gets tired of it and reaches his limit like Akito in Stray Bad Dogs.

Suddenly everyone started up onto a nonsense scenario (Whatever you do, wherever you look, there's a traffic of influencers.)

It's just like a movie, exactly like a movie. (But still, here, there, everywhere, loners, manji, Gen Z, even monkeys want it.)

No matter where you go, there's a story. (Just give me a punchline, its meaning can be whatever.)

Cinema and CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY are like the perspectives of two boys who feel like outsiders to the world, but one is actively trying change himself to belong somewhere and the other finds himself suddenly facing peer pressure when he used to not care about belonging somewhere. It's even contrasted in Akito's customer service front and Rui's indifference to school terrorism that they are foils of one another in a society. And probably why Akito hates Rui too - for taking any means necessary to achieve what he wants without a care for people, when Akito has spent his life working hard to be equals to people in order to belong.

[More similarities in lyrics, in no particular order (CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY in brackets):

Traffic’s already jammed up now. Oh well, nothing I can do about that anyway (Whatever you do, wherever you look, there's a traffic of influencers.)

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this.” "What was it supposed to be like then?" (What happened to things you wanted to sing about?)

Back then I'm sure it was there. The thing that I envisioned was there. When was it that I... (There must have been something you wanted to sing about.)

What are you playing at? Who are you trying to be? There's no way you could be that, right? (At this rate this will never end. What you want definitely isn't money.)]

Maybe it's coincidence, but the lyrics in Cinema also reference Curtain Call very early on:

Someday it'll be bye-bye when the end comes, so Smile for the curtain call and applause.

Cinema is accepting of it and faces it head-on. Rui still avoids it.

And Cinema also captured what happened in Backlit Lens Flare with Bakuno. Something Rui couldn't figure out on his own without Sakaki and Emu:

If you're not suited for the role, Then just rewrite the script!

This is as if implying Akito realizes early on that people are all different, and there may come a time you have to part because of your differences. So you don't have to keep worrying about fitting in - try your best to be yourself instead and smile when it all ends.

This is something that Rui hasn't faced at all, so it's pretty meta that he hadn't thought of matching the actor's individualities. It seems he's lived with the belief that directors have to adjust themselves according to the level they believe the actors are on and actors have to work their hardest to live up to the director's wishes at all times - because the director knows best. Instead of truly understanding their actors for who they are as individuals and what they individually need.

"I always try to cast actors in a way that brings out their strengths." "That's why I always get you to play the role of a type that is easiest for you to match."

And this becomes a regret for Rui in the same story - realizing that he hadn't thought enough about what Tsukasa really wanted and needed.

"...I feel a little regretful that I hadn't thought that far."

Nene's surprise at Rui's words further imply that this isn't how he normally is. That he wouldn't be thinking so much about people and their personal needs.

It isn't therefore surprising that he agrees with and commits to the mindset that he has to power through his emotions without speaking to anyone. He expects that from his actors, and applying it to real life, it means that your role and scenario have already been decided from birth and what was left was living up to it. It's frighteningly similar to the lyrics in Engeki, which I wasn't even thinking about. Except it wasn't forced on him but rather something Rui decided on his own, with no harmful intent from the people who fed that mindset. Even before KAITO - it was his mother who unknowingly instilled this in him:

"People are people, I am myself. If you take care of what you like, someday you'll be able to make friends too. Like how I met your dad." (i.e. don't bother with the painful things around you, just keep doing what you do and keep going until you get there.)

And hence why this commission is full of firey anger. The story tramples on the way Rui has lived until now, proving him wrong when he thought he finally found his answer by powering through his fear of losing WxS. How it made him realize that he had at some point been driven by something petty like being with friends forever and lost the passionate part of him, the one who would do anything to satisfy himself. He's realized he's no longer having fun like the child he used to be, evident from the lyrics that start off with how he no longer has anything he wants to convey.

"Now let's all laugh. Aren't views more important than art? A terrible price for the virus. So what will you do? Is that really fine?" The lyrics are as if Rui is finally realizing that everything he's been doing, making people smile up until now, has been just for views (for WxS to stay around), and it finally makes him question, is this what he really wants??? Where did all the passion, fun and self-satisfaction that he thought he was making shows for went to???

(This is a more literal translation, the popular TL translates it as Then what do we do? Was that how it was supposed to go?)

I don't know if it's clear now - but in conclusion, CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY feels very much like Rui realizing how he was more focused on protecting his place over enjoying what he does. The first lines of the song do seem to be screaming a spitefulness in not being able to just do what you enjoy: "No one wants to listen (...), I don't have anything I want to convey (...)"

That's why CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY is an ironic name, appearing on the director's cut to imply they're filming a movie of Rui's life. How Rui had been living dead against his own self - falling victim to peer pressure (trends) to protect his place in WxS. Until Sakaki reminds him of the heights his true self wanted to reach and reignites the passionate fire for theatre inside him.

In summary, to simplify it, CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY's parallels come together to tell a complete story about Rui Kamishiro (biased but idc): 1) Jackpot Sad Girl: The unhealthiness of Rui and Mafuyu's mindset of powering through what they think they want without properly talking to people. 2) Kitty: How putting your trust in people can sway your heart and steer you away from what you truly want, something Mizuki knows and thus avoids but not Rui. 3) Cinema: A combination of Jackpot Sad Girl and Kitty - how a person with Rui's mindset is left feeling angry and confused when realizing he has lost himself from having his heart unexpectedly swayed by people. This is foiled by a complete opposite like Akito who has lived a life with no reason to truly call his own and is bitterly aware of how it is all because his life has always been completely defined by other people.

(Man, I LOVE the Cinema foils so much. Akito and Rui are such perfect opposites I LOVE THEM.)

And finally, from the end of CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY:

Devoid of soul, music remains silent Unheard lyrics conceal their essence; without playback, music loses its meaning. Thus, modern music is pronounced deceased.

YES. YES. DEVOID OF SOUL AS I SAID, HOW RUI KAMISHIRO FEELS LIKE A WALKING CORPSE OF HIS CHILDHOOD. PLAYBACK!!! LOOK BACK AT YOUR PAST AND FIND YOURSELF!!! REMEMBER THE JOY AND PASSION YOU CAN'T GIVE UP RUI-KUN!!! Stop trying to keep people around, face solitude and be brave: what's most important is to be yourself!

Backlit Lens Flare felt like a reawakening for Rui, and it's why it's one of the best stories alongside Pandemonium for me. If Tsukasa is completely avoidant, then Rui is full of blatant lies. But of course because the writers will never clearly describe the emotions in WxS stories, I can't confirm this is the intended interpretation. It's just my own personal interpretation that I enjoy best and makes most emotional sense to my personal experiences.

But my opinions are bound to change because there are soooo many ways of seeing things. For now, this is what I think of Rui Kamishiro in Backlit Lens Flare and CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY.

[the-one-that-weeps]

Every time someone in this godforsaken fandom says "I think we've talked about misogyny enough" I want to hit them with a hammer. No we haven't.

We haven't even talked about the deep "Ruikasa&Akitoya Vs. literally everyone else" imbalance enough but imagine all of the people that get pressured into writing specifically for male/male ships simply because otherwise they won't get any appreciation.

Yes it's a cowardly thing but when you see Ruikasa having over 4000 fics and Ichisaki having like 5 in total obviously you're going to be discouraged. Obviously you'll be biased into creating Ruikasa instead of other ships.

And as someone who depends on appreciation in particular to do any work at all obviously that's going to have a lasting consequence. Some people spend 4 hours crying in front of a screen just for 3 people to like their work and leave, it's understandable if they lose passion for creating at all, you guys killed them.

It's even in how we handle m/m ships. You go into a fic that's tagged Rui&Tsukasa(platonic), someone in the comments always goes "okay but when do they kiss". You go to an action-packed longfic, someone always ends up going "okay but when do they kiss".

Fuck you guys. Actually. This is a silly piano tiles game about Hatsune Miku, we should be one of the MOST CREATIVE fandoms in history and somehow people still get mad over two boys not kissing immediately after getting introduced. It's so fucking difficult being a content creator in this fandom because you always end up having to take the same route. They meet they tease they kiss. End of story. "Oh you're doing something "lame" instead? -1 kudo. Bring me my yaoi next🖕"

[polyshodivorce]

I think Rui is a difficult person to make laugh. And I’m not talking about the teasing laughs or very short giggles he does, I mean a genuine uncontrollable fit kind of laughter. He can be hard to surprise in the first place and is just generally very composed/relaxed, so it’s probably a rare sight for something to really get to him. I dunno what it would be, but I imagine something happens that has WxS laughing together about it, but for once Rui is the one laughing the loudest and hardest. He doesn’t even realize it until he’s settled down after awhile, wiping a tear out of his eye and suddenly notices that they’re all… staring at him. His smile drops, alittle confused, and he asks them what’s wrong. His friends share a look before Tsukasa tells him it’s nothing, they just… haven’t seen him laugh so hard before. Emu immediately compliments him on how pretty his laugh is and Nene admits it’s been a long time since she’s seen him like that.

Rui’s a bit flustered by it, he hadn’t even realized how long it’s been and much less did he expect them to make a big deal out of it. So he brushes it off and says he doesn’t know what they mean. He laughs all of the time and he finds plenty of things funny, but… he thinks about it later that day, for a long time. How lucky he is to have found such wonderful friends and how much he looks forward to more days filled with the kind of laughter so hard that it makes their sides ache.

[yuri-is-online]

Hello a TDB fan here

I have been playing the game for a week and Rui is soo fine. If it's fine with you can you write something about MC and him kissing through sheer cloth. I had seen this scene in one of the chapters of freaking romance (webtoon) and that's all I can think about after knowing Rui's curse.

notes: they/them used for MC, extremely angsty and pining, heavily inspired by his Ephemeral Bouquet card (because you can't give a man who can't touch a skill called Envisioned Future and not expect me to play with it) More Tokyo Debunker content can be found on my masterlist here (x)

I altered the request slightly? As I was thinking about the specifics of Rui's curse and his bride card a bit too much and the concept of him longing to get married sort of took over, apologies (シ_ _)シ

There are small porous holes in tulle. It's meant to make the fabric breathable. See through. Ideal for a bridal veil, which is not what you are wearing but the thought has wormed it's way into his brain now. Rui can't unsee it.

The low light shines in the sages ring, a blonde hair falls out of place and your hand moves towards your own temple. You smile; he remembers what it feels like to touch someone. He thinks there was a weight to it, a shift. Was there warmth? There wasn't a taste, or has it been so long that he's forgotten?

"You may now seal this union with a kiss." His bare skin moves through the tulle, eyes closed as his smile grows with eagerness to feel- nothing. There was a person in his arms, but his eyes open to shimmering dust. All that is left of you in his grasp is sand, but the damned veil remains. He knows what he did to deserve this, but still-

"Rui?" The glass Rui's holding slips from his fingers as he laughs, sheepishly he tells himself. Just a little of his boyish whimsy and not aching relief at seeing you still alive. "Are you sure you don't need any help?" You don't move too close, just to the opposite side of the bar. Your costume has gloves too, white would be such a nice color on you but Romi put you in grey. The same color as his hair.

"Whoops, sorry 'bout that (name)!" He snatches up the broom before you can go for it and sweeps up the shards of glass. "I didn't scare you or anything did I?"

"No I'm ok." You draw yourself up a little taller. The veil makes it a bit hard to see him, but you think there's something just a bit off with Rui. More so than usual. "Are you sure there isn't anything I can do to help? Professor Moby-"

"Nope~ I've got this on lock promise!" He sure does, the task is practically already complete but it's not really what you were asking about. "Sides you can't just let that guy push off all his work onto you! You're still a student just like everyone else there's got to be something you want to do at the fair." Rui's back to smiles and laughter. If you hadn't been paying attention you never would have noticed there was a slight dip in his mood.

Hook. "Maybe." You noticed though. Line. "I haven't gotten much of a chance to look around it just yet."

Sinker. "Well that just won't do!" Rui always seems so... happy at the thought of spending time with you. It makes your heart ache. "Just give me a second to lock up the bar and I'll take you around! We can make it a date!"

~~~~

"Wow what a unique choice for prizes!" Rui says cheerfully as you politely examine the masks this Hotarubi student has displayed at her booth. He had been talking himself up just a second ago about how he could win you a nice stuffed animal but finding a booth with only a few people around it had proved difficult. "Did you make these yourself?"

"Thank you." The girl bows respectfully and gestures towards the targets behind her with a set of darts. "Care to test your skill?" Rui winks at you.

"Can we have two sets?" Might as well have some fun and help the poor girl's numbers out.

"Of course." She sets the darts down on the counter and settles back into her chair.

"Aww don't you have faith in me?" Rui smoulders just the bit, but you think he's having fun. "I'll have you know I'm pretty good at this."

"You'd better be Mr. Bar Tender." You wink and his facade breaks just the bit. "But I'm not that bad myself."

Rui barely hears the rest of what you say, something about a bet. Something about how if you win then he has to do anything you say. He probably shouldn't agree so quickly, but he wants to be normal. Wants to pretend that this is a normal date, that you would have noticed him if he had flirted with you. That he still would have had enough confidence not to wiff every shot. Not that he feels shame for losing to you, the sting comes from not being able to-

"Do you see a mask you like?" Your smug voice is so cute, he wishes the prizes were too.

"Ahaha not really?" Now that he's staring them down, it feels like he's being mocked. Doesnt he wear enough of these already? "You're the winner here! Shouldn't you pick out which one you think suits me best?"

"Then I wouldn't pick any of them." You snort, but pick one anyway. You twirl it around in your hands and hold it up against your face. "How about this one? Sort of looks like me don't you think?" He doesn't. The mask has none of your features, it is lifeless and hollow. You lift the mask up to his face and gently tap his lips. He closes his eyes to play into it because that's what this is right? A joke?

So why is there a face behind the mask?

Nakedness would be less intimate than this, there would be room for him to lie and bluster if he didn't have his clothes. You taste like clay, he can feel the push and pull of your lips against the barrier. Rui gasps against it, opens his mouth and presses himself closer. His hands grip the lapels of his jacket, you are so so warm and alive. Your gasp for air is muffled and Rui pauses out of instinct against the mask.

"Please." He doesn't know what he's asking for. He doesn't want you to stay, this was such a risky move he's almost angry at you for it. He wishes, he wants for something he cannot have. You feel Rui smile, his kiss is gentle against the mask and finally you think you get him to say something just closing in on being real. "I hope you live forever."

The polite cough of the girl running the stand interrupts whatever you had wanted to say in response.

[zomboivex]

Chapter 10 Thoughts (Spoilers under cut)

This is my 5am thoughts where I got maybe 4 hours of sleep and haven’t fully processed what I read (and need to read again to comb for more details)

But here goes;

1) Moby was very very eager to send them on that mission and i know he says it’s to get in good favor again etc but like- does that mean that advisors get incentives if one of their houses win the laurel crown? Or would he like get the money from them too? Idk but my INITIAL thought was he was going to set them up for failure. But I am very much on the train of not trusting the advisors

2) Ed’s powers are definitely something and we only saw just a portion of it, I’m sure. Rui at least believes Ed is the strongest vampire. Like purple alluring mist? Text bubbles over people’s heads? Buddy. Lmfao

3) The bar chat. Trial. Are they talking about those Clementia twins mentioned earlier in the game? (It’s been a minute so I’d have to look for more details) but that makes the most sense to me?

4) Haru playing pretend zookeeper. Buddy I don’t think it’s pretend no more lol he basically is a zookeeper. But that comment struck me a little odd, anyways. Haru are you fooling us? Are you harboring ill intentions?

5) mentions of a traitor/spy again. More and more I think it’s Hyde. Someone we met early on and ‘trust’. But it could be Haku. I’m still gonna be team Hyde is scum though.

6) Obscuary knows so much but are straight up just keeping it all to themselves (by Obscuary I mean Ed and Rui).

7) I am still convinced that the more Rui’s curse does its thing- the more he’s turning into a reaper, himself (I mean- MC is also cursed and is also turning).

8) Ed being down bad for Rui hahahahahahahhaa same buddy. Same.

9) Lyca having his moment of realization that these humans he was trying to protect give not a single fuck if they think he’s the monster. Also just that entire scene in general.

10) That bar scene at the end with Rui and Ed. Sorry. Sorry. You will have to pry this ship from my cold fucking dead hands.

I have more thoughts but lack of sleep is making it difficult to think and I have to get ready for work.

Also I need to reread the entire chapter to squeeze out more things. Because I was half asleep (and very slap happy) reading it.

[ace-and-the-rpg-horrors]

miscellaneous PJSK headcanons

Ena and Akito are adoptive siblings. Akito was adopted into the Shinonome family when they were toddlers

Nene had selective mutism when she was younger. she was only able to freely speak to her family, Rui and his parents. she overcame it throughout the years with therapy, but still occassionally has days where it's really difficult for her to talk

Kanade has albinism, which is partially why she doesn't like going outside, she's conscious that she sunburns easily

pretty much contradicted by their canon younger depictions, but the lighter blue in Toya and An's hair, pink in Saki's and Rui's turquoise streaks are all dyed

Rui can't do mental maths beyond the very simple. yes, he is really good at complicated maths, but he can only do the calculations if he can write it all out, he isn't able to keep track of all the numbers in his head (they get lost within all his ideas.) he is still shockingly quick about it, though

Shizuku is on very friendly terms with the librarian at her local library, who lets her sit in a room at the back that the rest of the public isn't able to access, so Shizuku isn't bothered by fans when she's trying to read in peace and quiet

Ena has been offered modelling jobs from companies that have seen her social media pictures but she's turned them down because she quite literally just couldn't be bothered

An and Akito did each other's piercings past midnight in An's bathroom during middle school. it involved a lot of swearing and smacking each other's hands away and hurt and risk of infection but they don't regret it

when they were very small children, Tsukasa would put Saki and Toya to sleep by reading stories to them. it was one of the rare times his parents would hear him speak so quietly

Rui is coulrophobic. yes, people regularly point out the irony of his outfits resembling those of clowns' but it's really the ones with heavy face paint that creep him out. part of the reason he knows so many secret ways of getting around PXL is because he needs to avoid seeing all of the ones performing there when he's walking around

[lvieee]

5,200.04 km away | shen ricky

pairing : nonidolricky x reader

genre : fluff, angst

sypnosis : being in a long distance relationship can be difficult at times, communication’s the key to the problem, but what happens if you don’t?

staring at your phone, his contact name flashed on your screen. isn’t he supposed to be in class right now? why’s he calling you all of a sudden? you hesitated for a moment before swiping to answer, “hey, what’s up aren’t you supposed to be in class right now?” you ask him.

he sighed at the other end, the weariness evident in his breath as a result from a long day “my professor called in sick so he gave us shit tons of assignments to do instead, starting to question my life choices to be honest.” he says from the other end.

leaning back on your chair, you let out a chuckle at what he said “hold on a little longer, it’s almost sem break.” you tell him trying to lift up the mood a little.

“i miss you” he confesses out of the blue. the words hanging in the air, heavy with the weight of the distance that separates the two of you. you could tell from his voice how tired he is.

“i miss you too rui” you reply, words hanging a bit uncertain, unsure of how to offer comfort across the distance.

you and ricky were what people would call high school sweethearts, you would have lunch together with his and your friends, walk together to class, have study dates—he’d tutor you in subjects you didn’t do quite well in which you are still amazed at how good he is at it, and you’d do the same for him to return the favor. but all changed after graduation, when the two of you seperated going on different paths.

the both of you have talked about this a few times before, even when you two were still in what people usually call the “talking phase”. curious you’d bring up this topic to him as you two would be graduating not very long later.

you both knew the consequences of getting into a long distance relationship, the hardest one being not being able to see each other face to face for a long period of time, feeling lonely even though you have a partner. but hey it’s not like we’re living back in the days like before, even then people would send out letters to their loved ones, you can still talk to him through messaging and calls.

but its not so easy sometimes seeing not just your friends but also everyone on social media doing regular couple stuff, going on dinner dates, going to the movies together. sometimes you just wished you could smash through whatever’s keeping you and ricky from doing the same.

despite all the challenges, you two were the ones who agreed to continue this relationship in the first place, hoping that all efforts the both of you put in at the moment will one day pay off.

“anyways, any plans on sem break?” he asks you through the other end breaking the silence “haven’t really thoufht about it yet, what about you?” you respond asking him back

“same, just want everything to be done honestly. so much things to do, i’m gonna go crazy.” he rambles

“when’s ur break starting?” you ask him pulling your back up from the chair fixing your posture to sit up straight.

“in about three weeks i guess?” he responded back, crossing his arms placing it on the table, head leaning forward closer to his screen to get a better look at you. “what are you doing?” he asks you.

you then take your phone, bringing your camera to show him what you’re working on — “oof, 加油” (jiā yóu — good luck)

putting back your phone to where it was earlier, still showing your face, you suddenly yawned, reminding you of how late it is and how you should call it a day and go to sleep.

“go to sleep dear, it’s already so late there.” he reminds you — though he still wants to spend more time with you even through the phone, your different time zones don’t allow you to.

“10 more minutes” you responded eyes still glued to the screen not wanting to sleep yet with the amount of undone tasks you have.

you can’t deny, the time you two are spending on each other are getting lesser day by day, assignments adding up as soon as you finish one, different time zones — him wanting to stay up to talk to you on times you are free, but you not letting him cause he has class the next day even though you know deep down how much you want to spend time with him, but you don’t want to be the reason he’s tired the next day. and the same goes for you as well, you wanting to stay up late to talk to him, but him not letting you do so for the same reasons.

its usually times when you’re free, he’s either sleeping or he’s at class. so sundays it is when you two could catch up after a busy week.

despite all its negatives, there were also times when he would ask you out on “virtual dates” like watching movies together, playing games late at night screaming and laughing at how dumb the both of you are at the game, there were also times where he would match up with your time just so you two could have a meal together just like how it used to be back in the days—and by that i mean he would not eat for a couple hours to match up with your time just you two could dine together even through online. he’d set up his place, place candles on his desk, get a wine glass just to fill it with anything but alcohol.

“what’s with the candles?” you ask him laughing. “omg is that wine?” you say noticing the wine glass filled with what you thought was wine. “its grape juice.” hearing him say that it’s not made you laugh even more continued by him showing you the bottle of grape juice and suddenly making tapping noises on it “asmr” he smiling as he whisperes to his microphone only making you burst out laughing even more at his acts.

“did you change your lights?” you ask after noticing the change of ambience in his place which wasn’t usually this warm. “yeah isn’t it nice” he responds to your question while looking around at his surroundings. “what are you having for dinner mr shen?” you ask him teasingly. the effort he put in to make the it feel like a fancy restaurant while you’re in your room, dressed in loungewear and just a cup of cup noodles in front of you cause you didn’t feel like cooking or ordering from outside save money.

he then shows you the meal he cooked just now, he’s definitely improved his cooking skills after living alone for a few months now. “oooo looks nice, how long did it take you to make that?” you ask him, trying to keep the conversation going.

he takes a bite into the chicken he made “hmm about 40 ish minutes, it wasn’t as difficult as it thought it would be.” he said after chewing on his food. “i should add more pepper wait here i’ll go grab it.” he says before leaving to grab the seasoning and continue to have dinner with you after months of being away.

not only virtual dinner dates, he would send you gifts, buy you things out of nowhere and it suddenly arriving at your home. he would also send you packages from his place filled with snacks you’ve always wanted to try, snacks he recommends, random things he bought, and we can’t forget; his hoodies or sweaters that he made sure to spray with his perfume before sending it out to you.

not only him, but you too would send him packages filled with snacks you want him to try, random things and hand written letters you write on your freetime. sometimes, you two would wait for the package to arrive at your homes, and unbox them on facetime together to get each other’s reactions.

you could be doing the dishes or even your laundry while talking, rambling about your day while he sits there watches and listens to you rant about your teammate not doing their part on the group assignment.

he could be cooking, or even cleaning which he still hasn’t gotten used to since he used to rarely do housework back then before college, he’d call you, asking you what to put in his soup, how you cook certain meals or sometimes at days when he’s not in the mood to cook, he’d just order takeout and would still call you, have you decide on what he should eat.

as the end of semester came rolling round, you two found yourselves swallowed by the relentless tide of responsibilities. what used to be daily messages and calls that bridged the distance became less frequent, late night calls where either him or you used to talk, relax and do anything turned into brief and hurried messages of words of encouragement, pushing each other to do their best on their examinations.

ricky : still alive?

you : barely

ricky : goodluck tomorrow, don’t stay up too late.

you : you too ❤️

you : totally bombed the test

hours later

ricky : hey, sorry was studying just now.

ricky : bombed mine too

you : oh shut up, you say that then end up acing the test.

ricky : not this time

you : still up?

late night cramming, and early morning revisions and also time zones left little room for the usual routine that you used to have, past messages and call histories turned into bittersweet reminders of what once was.

as the last exam wraps up, a heavy silence settled between the two of you. weeks of stress and exhaustion left little to no energy for the emotional reconnection the both of you desperately needed.

you : good luck on your last exam!

ricky : thanks, you too dear 🤍

each passing day bringing more tension. both survived the exams but it feels like you’re slowly loosing something in the process.

after days of suffocating silence, you reached your breaking point. the weight of unspoken words and the distance became too much to bare. feeling even more upset after the way he responded to your message; like he was in such a big hurry. how he wouldn’t start conversations without you talking to him first.

ricky : what are you up to?

ricky : i miss youuu

ricky : wanna call?

reading his message felt like salt on an open wound, he’d just text you like as if the past few days of no contact hadn’t bothered you.

seeing his name pop up on the side of your screen, you think about it for a moment before picking up. in the dimly lit room, his face glowed softly, illuminated by the bright computer screen in front of him.

“hey” he says while adjusting his thin framed glasses he usually wears. “what are you up to?” he asks you. you didn’t feel like giving him a long answer on what you’ve been up to these days when he hadn’t made effort on contacting you. “nothing much” you say nonchalantly hoping he wouldn’t question you even more.

“oh” was all he let out to your response. you two then stayed there in silence, not saying a word to each other despite being on call. he’s doing whatever he’s doing on his computer and you’re scrolling through your social media not really wanting to start a conversation with him.

you know it is quite unreasonable that you picked up the call with zero intentions on talking to him just to get his reaction but you hadn’t gotten one so far. it was like he was fine with you two not talking.

this made you even more upset. “i need to go, talk to you later bye.” you said before hanging up on the call. he didn’t even have time to respond before you hung up that quickly.

but on his side he found it wierd that you changed all of a sudden, you suddenly not talking as much. daily updates from you became less often, almost none ad the day passes by. assuming that you were busy and he didn’t want to bother you. he decided to wait for you to initiate contact then go with the flow.

as hours passed by without your usual updates and messages, he began contemplating the silence. maybe you truly were busy and had no time to talk. hesitant to disturb your presumed busy schedule, he refrained from reaching out, leaving the the distance even more quiet. with each passing hour, it felt like the uncertainty was getting even cloudier without the usual chitchat.

they say communication’s the key to a healthy relationship. right? so then why are you so persistent on not talking to him, basically giving him the silent treatment. waiting for him to make the first move. you very badly wanted the silence to end, but why are you so hesitant on reaching out? the questions flood in your mind—does he not care? does he not find it wierd that you’re not reaching out as much? is he seeing someone else? does he still wanna be with you? frustration creeps in as your thoughts spiral.

as days go by, still no contact. admist the chaos of your thoughts and the akward silence, there’s this tiny hope—maybe he’s going through the same uncertainty. then it hits you that this isn’t a solo mission and that you should communicate through problems like this.

you : still up?

you shoot him a text, hoping he’s still up wich you were pretty sure he was. you knew his sleeping schedule, especially during breaks when he’d stay up till the crack of dawn, either glued to his computer or just chilling. late night talks, scrolling through social media, gaming. he wasn’t exactly an early bird.

so you sit there, waiting for his response hoping he’d reply quicker. then you see those three dots pop up—he’s typing. feeling even more nervous, wondering what’s on his mind in the middle of the night.

ricky : yeah, can we talk?

surprised at his response. it was like he could read your mind even through the distance. getting up from your bed, sitting on your chair you turn on your laptop to video call him.

waiting for him to pick up, you scroll through your phone to ease your mind. you then hear your laptop notify you that he’s picked up. “hey” he says breaking the silence.

“hey ricky” you greet him back. which was unsual—you’d always call him by nicknames, babe, dear, love etcetc. him hearing you call him by his name sounded wierd.

“so…” you say after taking a deep breath. “how’ve you been?” he asks you but it was akward this time. “nothing much, you?” you respond, asking him the same question. hearing him click his tounge you could tell he was frustrated “look, i- to be honest with you im pretty sure you’ve noticed already, we haven’t been talking as much.” he says straight to the point, quickly which he does when he’s nervous.

you stared at your screen for a second not knowing how to respond. but part of you felt relieved that he also felt the same way. “i know this might be wierd for me to say all of a sudden but did i do anything wrong? it’s killing me that we’re not talking.” he asks you genuinely confused.

your heart skips a beat hearing him say that. his unexpected honesty catches you by surprise. “i- it’s just that i noticed you haven’t been very active these past few days you don’t respond to my messages like how you used to, i know you’ve been busy with exams and all, i understand that but it just kind of continued till after exams which kind of confused me to be honest. i assumed you really were busy so i thought it was better for me not to bother you so much.” you explained, coming clean to what you’ve been feeling lately—“and…to be honest with you too, i have been wanting to talk to you about this past few days ago, i just hadn’t got the courage to.. i’m sorry.” you apologized.

giving him the silent treatment wasn’t going to solve the problem. so you thought it would be best to be honest with him and talk to him about what’s been on your mind.

taking a deep breath, processing what you just said earlier “i actually thought the same about you, you haven’t been very active. and i figured you were caught up in stuff” he says feeling bad, all this happened because of miscommunication.

“yeah, i get that” you acknowledge, feeling relieved that you’re both on the same page, getting what each other’s saying in your conversation. “we totally should’ve talked about it sooner, huh?”

you chuckle softly “yeah, maybe we’re not so mind reading savvy as we thought.”

“promise me you’ll talk to me if we have any problems?” he asks you putting up his pinky making a pinky promise. “yeah” you reply also putting up your pinky.

as the conversation continues, you both realise you’ve been on the same tricky journey. it’s like a lightbulb moment, and you feel the tension melt away replaced by a sense of connection after confusion.

the chat goes on, it’s like the fog lifts. back to goofy emojis, jokes, and laughs. leaving the tension an issue behind.

“any plans yet?” he asks you thinking about going to yoir place this sem break. “no not really, you?” you ask him back.

“should i go to your place?” he asks you, tilting his head slightly while looking at you through his screen. surprised, “what really?” you ask him getting excited over the thought of being able to see him again after months being away from each other.

“it’s up to you, you know” he says making it a choice for you to decide. “yeah of course” you say excited. “when tho?” you ask him while thinking of what you two should do when he visits, food he needs to try, places you two should go; places you wanted to go but couldn’t cause you didn’t want to be alone, no. cause you wanted to go with him.

“next week? tuesday or wednesday?” he replies while looking at available flights from his to your place. “tuesday, tuesday aahh im so excited.”

“right, then tuesday it is”

part 2

[mizuki-foreshadowing]

Kamiyama High Festival, Episodes 6 & 7

Feeling hurt from the two students from earlier, Mizuki retreats to the rooftop, an old habit. There she sees Rui. Their middle school days were defined by these lonely impromptu hangouts. Rui knew Mizuki before she became Mizuki, and he had been the one to help her back then.

We learn that the context of the flashback to Mizuki and Rui with Mizuki in the boys uniform, is that it's the first time the two had met.

Their first introduction is very worth delving into. Rui introduces himself and asks Mizuki's name. She refuses to give it, but Rui already knew it. He says the reason he asked anyway was to hear what Mizuki would say. Under the reading that Mizuki is a closetted trans girl, this interaction makes perfect sense; Rui picked up on Mizuki's self-loathing and wanted to be considerate and kind to a fellow loner. It was an invitation for Mizuki to give him her real name [Mizuki].

Likewise, the metacontext is that Colorful Palette wants to be kind and considerate to people like Mizuki; they're telling her story in a sincere way. The first and easiest way they do this, made even easier by Japanese grammar, is to not refer to her with a masculine pronoun. Japanese allows the omission of a pronoun if it's clear from context, which combines well with the depth that can be conveyed with [name]-honorific, as well as simply using either the first or the last name. Akito, for instance, who's heard the rumors about Mizuki, exclusively calls her Akiyama in this event story.

It's a little harder to do this in English, which requires a subject for its sentences, and only really offers the use of first name or a pronoun. In English, students who know Mizuki's secret, at worst, refer to her in the text of the game with 'they'. The dialogue of N25 members, at least from what I've seen, is careful to only use 'Mizuki' or some other wording to refer to Mizuki. (as a trans woman, I'm very sensitive to when 'they' is used for us) They don't know her secret after all, and would otherwise use 'she'.

A more difficult way than pronoun usage, for the team to be respectful of Mizuki and players who they want to reach out to with her story, is to not deadname her. If they ever gave a birth name for her, it could be used by hurtful fans as a more correct way to refer to her, doing only harm. Rui and Mizuki's introduction is meant to be read as Rui asking for a different name from Mizuki. She refuses to give any name. This would otherwise signal the conversation as being over, so Rui skips the introduction for her, saying he already knows her name.

Is this all enough evidence to support that 'Mizuki' when used in flashbacks of her in a boys uniform is a way to respectfully censor out her deadname? Maybe, but there is one more piece of evidence, in the next episode. Episode 7 opens with a timeskipped flashback. Mizuki and Rui have been having their loner hangouts on the school roof for a while now.

It's not something I can capture in a screenshot, but Rui refers to Mizuki in this line with "Mizuki-kun". This is clearly still Mizuki before she transitioned, and she's still just as icy and bitter in the way that she talks as she'd been in Episode 6. But more than that, [I checked and] Mizuki is an unambiguously feminine name. It means 'hope', and the only suggested spelling for it is with the kanji that Mizuki's name officially uses. Conversely, -kun is typically reserved for a male addressee. While Rui also uses -kun for Emu and other members of the cast younger than him as part of how he talks, he no longer uses -kun for Mizuki. At the end of Episode 5 and all throughout Episodes 6 and 7, Rui in the present uses just Mizuki to address her, which acts to respect her in the same way friends avoid using 'dude' or 'guys' when addressing a trans girl. Rui using -kun in the flashback may reflect that the name in-universe it's spoken with was not actually 'Mizuki' and that we the players read it as 'Mizuki' as part of the writers respecting her character.

This is the Mizuki who Mizuki talks about when she tells people about how she used to feel confined by people's expectations, always wondering how much she should change herself not to inconvenience those around her. That Mizuki can't understand why Rui refuses to act more normal and try to fit in, even as herself doing so is the source of her own misery.

Rui's response is there are many things that are very much worth finding in solidude. Among them, Mizuki herself, with the silent hope that Rui is also that for Mizuki.

Mizuki understanding that getting rejected by the other people around her isn't the end of the world, and that she can still find meaning even if she does so alone, is the first step toward the person she'll become, of somebody who does things her way and is so much happier for it.

[hikaritakaishi]

Digimon Adventure 02: The Beginning [My Movie Review]

♡ ! SPOILER ALERT! ♡

This review will contain spoilers of the movie, continue reading if you already saw the movie, or just don’t mind the spoiler! Enjoy & comment something if you want to share an opinion! ♡

After what seemed ages of waiting, Digimon Adventure 02: The Beginning finally aired in Portugal, on May 16, 2024, several months after it’s national premiere in Japan, on October 27, 2023. I was worried that it wouldn't come to my country, but perhaps due to the huge acceptance of Digimon Adventure: LAST EVOLUTION KIZUNA, the distributor made the hearts of the DigiDestined from the most hidden corner of Europe warm again and brought us the sequel. Thank you remembering us once again! ♡

I really tried to keep my expectations as neutral as possible until the day I went to see the movie, which was pretty difficult, due to the fact that I was constantly being bombarded with online information about it, whether on Tumblr or Twitter, or through video recommendations on Youtube. I was so excited for the movie, that I had to control myself immensely not to go see the spoilers.

Initial considerations? I like it. In general. But let's go in parts!

This will be an analysis of what I consider to be the most important points of the movie and what caught my attention the most. A personal analysis, so don't take it too seriously if I don't talk about a certain point or a certain specific topic, I probably just missed that.

Firstly, I would like to comment on the initial dynamics of the movie.

Everything seems to happen much faster here than it did in Kizuna. Despite being two movies with practically the same time span, this one seemed to go by much faster. But it might just be me. [LAST EVOLUTION KIZUNA have 94 minutes, and The Beginning have 87 minutes total].

 We're introduced to the key plot problem pretty quickly too.

People's digital devices are glitching, and the same message is repeating itself on all of them, not just on the phones and televisions, but on computers and large digital screens in cities all around the world. And this all around the world is very important, because it not only brings us closer to what will be the future of humanity and it’s increasing contact with the Digimon and the Digital World, but it opens the path we take since 2012 [time of the movie] until to the epilogue of 02 (which the production team and Toei animation seem to insist on wanting to keep canon, despite all the script inconsistencies it can cause, or how different from the initial profile of each character it may be).

“May everyone have friends, may everyone have a partner Digimon”

It's the message. Meanwhile, we are told that a suspicious and unknown Digitama appeared in the sky of Tokyo, right above the Tokyo Tower, and it’s been there for a while. Taichi and Koushiro are showned to be trying to help resolve this issue as professionals in the field of diplomacy and technology respectively, but without major progress.

I think it's important to highlight that they are the only two characters from the first season of Adventure who appear in this movie, and even so, without any direct speech or great relevance, beyond contextualization, and later Taichi as well again for the context of “space- time”, in that frame we see in the trailer of the movie with Hikari, which we later discover is located in Hikarigaoka, where Rui also lived when he had his first contact with Ukkomon.

The focus is on the characters from 02, or at least, it should have been. But as in Digimon Adventure Tri, this focus is overshadowed by the introduction of another new character in the story: Rui Owhada [or Lui, in Japanese pronunciation].

Rui [or Lui] is a much more charismatic character than Meiko was in Digimon Adventure Tri. There is no doubt about that.

Meiko was a somewhat empty character. A static character without great charisma. The only pleasant scenes she had were driven by the other characters around her (namely Mimi).

Rui doesn't. Rui is a character on his own. With a much more aggressive personality and a much more interesting past. The only issue here is the length of the movie: This movie is too short; too short for us to get attached to this character and actually be able feel empathy for everything we are shown about him. So short, that it's difficult to develop both this new character and the others around him, which, by the way, is a shame.

I mostly went to see the movie in hopes to see more from the 02 cast, and not because, again, of a random character they created for this new script. Just like what happened in Tri.

And this is important because notice that one of the most complex and best-built characters in the Adventure universe is literally the character with the most screen time: Takeru.

Analyzing Takeru's character as a whole is extremely time-consuming, because he was in every season, and practically involved in all the main events of the plot, either by himself or through the relationships he establishes throughout the plot, which feed the character's emotional charge. Which makes him a very complex character.

There's no time for that here. There is no time to establish a relationship between Rui and the other characters, nor to establish a relationship between Rui… and the audience.

Rui's childhood is very shocking and once again, Digimon brings a very strong narrative based on a complex and deep family plot.

We had already had examples in Adventure of family issues with Takeru and Yamato, Koushiro, and in 02 with Iori and also Ken. To a certain extent, even with Miyako. But here we reach a higher level of complexity... and violence (remember that the age to see the movie is over 12 years old. I can totally understand why).

Rui is physically abused and neglected by his mother, who leaves him out in the cold, starving when he makes a childish mistake or does something she doesn't like... when he is only four years old. His father has a very serious illness and depends on his wife to survive. Rui is then shown as a sorrowful child, lonely and without any support network. We've never had anything in the Digimon Adventure series so… raw. The aura of the movie is deeply heavy and dark.

The evolutions and battles in this movie are far from being the focus, which probably frustrated many people who went to see the movie for this more dynamic side of the anime.

It is a film with a moral content and even touches on the philosophical, about the bonds we create with others and their nature, about how we should relate to others and learn about them every day we have them in our lives.

It's about healthy communication, and how it's okay to correct the people around us, as long as it's made based with pure intentions. Because love is not omissive. Love corrects, love draws the other's attention for what really matters, in the form of love. In the form of companionship. Nothing physical or superficial is worth the price of a real bond.

The movie really grew with it’s audience. It is not, at all, a movie targeted for new fans of the franchise, or for those who know little about the Adventure series universe. It's for those who know the characters, for those who grew up with them. If you don't know the characters, you will miss details and conversations that are important to really understand the plot as a whole.

Daisuke and Ken look on Rui’s past with him. They see the arrival of Ukkomon in his life, who should’ve bring peace and comfort, but it is only the beginning of all his problems.

Let's take a break from the movie's plot to talk about the characters of 02.

I'm going to divide them into groups, because it seems like they individually… don't have much progress or very memorable scenes, honestly. It doesn't even make sense to separate them, in my opinion, and you'll understand why.

♡ Daisuke & Iori

There is not much to talk about them here. Daisuke and Iori are the flattest characters in the movie. Iori much more than Daisuke, let's be honest. Iori barely speaks, and has very few relevant scenes.

Daisuke works at a ramen restaurant, as he always wanted, where he gathers his friends to talk about the problems they are facing right at the beginning of the movie.

His personality is practically the same, Daisuke from 02 is the same Daisuke from The Beginning, and even the same character as in Kizuna, he is just taller here and wears different clothes. He still aspires to have his own ramen business and is extremely focused on his career goals. Which was predictable, given the way he talks about his dream in 02.

Daisuke's only two relevant scenes are seconds long: the first when he convinces Rui that the bond of friendship he and his Digimon partner share is much more than something superficial; it's something that comes from the heart, and that no object makes a difference between them, namely the Digivice, (something we also expected to hear from Daisuke in 02, which justifies my opinion that in the meantime... he remains the same).

The other is a scene that had enormous potential, but is cut short by a comical moment in which Miyako pops up.

Daisuke is talking to Ken seriously about Rui, and how he and his Digimon could understand each other better if they just communicate more effectively and directly, and Ken comments that Daisuke's more serious side is very pleasant and rarely appears. However, Miyako speaks up and dismisses the subject. Sadly.

We could have had a conversation here that could tell us more about Daisuke’s presente self and way he sees life now.

*sigh* Anyway.

Iori, again, doesn't speak much. Seems to only have intermediary interventions, and serves as a “pair” for Daisuke and Rui in the snowball fight that we see at the end of the movie. A very beautiful scene, don't get me wrong, but only if we see it from the perspective of Ken and Miyako, and Hikari and Takeru. I'll talk about that now.

♡ Ken & Miyako

Ken and Miyako are two characters who seem to grow more together than apart within the movie's plot. Which is natural, given that we know at the end of 02 that they become in fact a couple, and that they build a family together in the future. Here we see the first steps towards their future as a couple.

As expected, nothing explicit or direct is given to us about the nature of their relationship, but we can understand that there is progress, especially by the end of the movie, before the snowball fight, when Miyako tells Ken something that seems extremely vague, but actually means something.

 “Let's do it together! "  What? I don't think they are aware yet. Ken also seemed very confused about it.

“ Keep thinking Ken, we have to find another solution. “ We also see Miyako trying to support Ken at that moment when they have to make a decision about the future of Ukkomon and the world.

Here comes what I said above: Love cannot be omissive. We cannot expect the least from those we love. If we know the potential of the person we have by our side, we have to support them. If we see that they are trying to go further, we must support their journey and be a source of advice and rest. Alone we can go faster, but with the right company we can certainly go further.

And I think this is where the movie touches on something really important.

It is in these small moments that we see that they really want to tell the audience something beyond, but we need to have a fine power of perception.

No conversation or comment is random, everything contributes to the story. Digimon Adventure has always been made up of metaphors and subjectivities, it is necessary to know how to interpret and be attentive.

In the midst of that dilemma of whether or not to defeat Ukkomon that we talked about a moment ago in relation to Ken and Miyako, we have another moment that I consider important between Takeru and Hikari, which for those who don't know the characters, can take it as a normal conversation of two people who know each other well. Too well, even.

♡ Takeru & Hikari

Keeping in mind their journey, and everything they went through together, is the key to understand the nature of the relationship they share now. But before that:

Much like Ken and Miyako, Takeru and Hikari do not exist separately in the plot. It's ridiculously difficult to separate them. If you talk about one, you have to talk about the other.

At the beginning we see them together in the city when the electronic devices break down, and this dynamic continues throughout the entire movie.

They practically always walk side by side, Hikari takes the front seat in Takeru's car, and even when they are talking to Rui and trying to understand what happened to him in his past, they were a nucleus apart from the others. Nothing new, really. More of the same. But it's in that conversation I spoke about earlier that we understand something that is even part of the main moral of the movie: the way they now communicate with each other now, is different.

Anyone who has followed Takeru and Hikari throughout the series knows that the main “problem” in their relationship has always been direct communication.

Exposing things to others as they are is scary. And none of them were good at doing that.

Deliberating about feelings, exposing what disturbs us, what distresses us, what we think of a certain attitude of the other person. That was always Takeru and Hikari's problem and what hindered the possible evolution of their friendship, into a real love relationship.

In Tri we discover that Hikari starts to look at Takeru differently. And we know that Takeru has concrete feelings for Hikari (Said by the actor who plays Takeru's voice) And then? It's done? Things… are much more complicated than that.

They first need to accept the situation in question (And I tell you this as someone who also developed a romantic relationship with a childhood friend. It's not easy. Trust me. It's far from easy!)

And far from being quick.

It requires a lot of deliberation mostly. Just accepting the fact that we see that person we grew up with differently, someone who has always been part of our life, and we can lose them. Just because we developed feelings. Is scary. There's a lot to lose. It's all or nothing. Especially when one side has trauma associated with romantic relationships. (remembering that Takeru's parents are divorced) it's even worse.

What seems to exist between them in The Beginning was the result of a long process. But effective, it seems to me. Whatever decision they made, it went… pretty well.

Takeru is completely against defeating Ukkomon, from the moment he realizes that this could also imply the disappearance of his Digimon partner.

He probably saw the suffering Taichi and Yamato went through when Agumon and Gabumon disappeared and the suffering he would go through if he lose Patamon... again. And he is extremely vocal and firm in what he says and what he thinks about all of that. Impulsive really.

Until Hikari intervenes. Which cuts through his catastrophic reasoning. She asks him to think, opening up a new perspective on the situation.

Here we have a conversation between them that is quite lengthy (compared to the fast action standard of the rest of the movie) in which Hikari tries her best to make Takeru use reason and not emotion in his deliberation on the situation.

Takeru who, remember, whenever “darkness” or “sacrifice” is mentioned, leaves his rationality aside, becomes blind with pain because of his past traumas.

Hikari's role here is almost the same as Miyako’s in Ken's case: calling to earth and calming Takeru, always in an understanding way, because you can see that she knows where that feeling comes from and that position initially adopted by him (and it is something which she can almost predict would happen, by the speed with which she responds) but she knows that he is better than those triggers that make him impulsively speak based on emotion and neglect reason.

It's about getting to know each other. Knowing how to talk to our person about the most difficult topics. Because it is necessary to strengthen your union. Predict reactions, and be there to calm them down, because you may even know that the person is not to blame for the feelings and traumas they carry, but believe that they are bigger than them. And expect the same from the other side.

The way Miyako knew that Ken could find a solution, he just needed to think a little more. Hikari understood perfectly where Takeru's impulsive reaction came from, but she knew that if she appeal to his racional side he would be able to think of a better alternative to the problem, which he thought would be the end of the world.

That's why I separated this analysis into groups (although the first one isn't... substantial) and decided to analyze the characters together, because that's what this movie is about.

It's about who you are with your people, and the bond you share with them. In a world so individualized, so selfish and so distant (largely because of technology, which distances us from each other), I found it a very necessary message.

And the role of adults? With children and more painful lives?

It is to understand that children are also humans. Who also think, and feel, and understand things. Just like them. Adults tend to forget that they were once children themselves.

We already saw this topic being developed in Adventure 02, but seeing Rui as an adult, reaching to his mother in the past, and drawing her attention to the fact that she neglects her son, is something very touching. Sometimes, we just need a wake-up call, and we can change the future. Ours, and our future with others.

 The DigiDestined of 02 encouraged Rui not to give up on someone he loved, Ukkomon, because after all, he only acted the way he acted because he thought it would make Rui happier, even though he failed. Several times.

Ukkomon basically gave Rui everything he thought he needed, everything he wanted. But this is not always ideal.

He acted with his partner's happiness in mind, and this blinded him to the risks he was putting him into. He idealized their entire relationship, and everyone's relationship with him. Instead of being, real. And real things are never perfect.

Rui wanted friends? He gave him friends. He even reprogrammed his parents. They became manufactured humans. And the movie is about reality and accepting it as imperfect as it is.

Do you know what that reminded me of? That whole fantasy created by Ukkomon of “perfect world where Rui is never sad and everything is wonderful?” The fantasies in which the characters from 02 cast were trapped in at the end of the series. That world created with the characters’ deepest desires.

Takeru wanted his family united. Iori wanted his father back and to be able to show him the Digital Word. Miyako wanted attention. Ken… wanted to redeem himself. Hikari wanted peace. It's exactly the same thing.

Think about it with me: For example, Takeru's parents could’ve stay together, they could never have divorced, but they would still have problems. They would argue, and there would be conflicts. Which doesn't mean that this wouldn't traumatize their children even more. Maybe the divorce was in fact the best option for all four of them.

Ken felt he deserved the same suffering he inflicted on others. Would that really be the answer to appease his soul?

But none of it was real.

Not even Hikari's utopia of a world constantly at peace is real. Not even the absence of siblings in Miyako's life would solve anything. Things are not black and white and really, what we want is not always what we need.

Rui just needed to talk to Ukkomon and be sincere.

Where is Mimi tho?!

I will end with a few quick notes that I think are worth highlighting: First, the music and animation in general. As expected, they are excellent.

Very well done visually, appealing scenes, and the last snowball fight scene is so simple… but so delightful.

Life is made up of beautiful moments as well as tragic moments, light and darkness.

Did you notice that part of the movie takes place in a much dark environment, and when the main action is resolved, the movie gains light? I believe that is not just because!

Visually it can be very strong because there is blood, there is violence, there are physical wounds, it conveys the affliction in a very literal way.

Another thing that was expected to happen, but that probably wasn't even thought of properly when the Epilogue of 02 was made, was the problematic of whether or not everyone deserves, has enough morals and ethics, to have a Digimon partner.

How do you maintain peace between humans when you give them free access to machines of war and mass destruction? How do we build the world we see bz the end of 02 where everyone lives in peace even under these circumstances? Which is the the role of the government?

We'll probably need one more movie to find out.

Honestly, I hope you enjoyed this short (not... that short in fact) and sincere review. If I were to give stars, I would give the film 4/5 stars.

It could’ve been better, sure, if there was at least another half hour of animation.

But I don't complain. Despite that, I liked it. I cried, I laughed, just like I cried and laughed when I saw Digimon in my childhood, and that's everything for me. I was surprised by the message of the movie and the way they chose to visually convey it to us. Either way, I hope there's one more movie. To finally conclude the arc of all these characters, and finally, reach the epilogue of 02 (but in a dignified way please).

♡ Thank you once again Digimon ♡

[themarsmaiden]

Accolade

Yuri x Gn!Reader

alternate universe

Summary: [Name] and Yuri have known each other since they were kids. Always competing, and now they prepare for their final year in high school. For their colleges of choice, the science fair, and in love.

Case Study 3: Apology

October: A month passed by procrastinating

It’s been about 3 weeks since Yuri’s birthday, and [Name] hasn’t heard anything from him at all. No emails about the project, no rude comments passed in class, nothing.

Of course, they saw him everyday, yet it was as though he didn’t see them.

This should be a dream come true, as if Isami Yuri just ceased to exist, and yet, it wasn’t. They were extremely, extremely, off put by this.

“How many times do I have to tell you to stop staring?” Asked Rui, waving around a fry he had been eating.

It was lunch time, and [Name] had been watching Yuri from a distance. “‘Somebody’s gonna get the wrong idea’ I know! But I can’t help it.” They sink into the plush couch seat they had been fortunate enough to get. “It’s been far too quiet for the past 3 weeks, I kind of almost feel bad.”

As Rui was about to speak, a pair of two walked over. “What seems to be the matter, [Name]?” The voice would usually make them jump and adjust themself, but they found the couch moping far too important to make themself presentable for Luca. “They’re finally going through a breakup arc with their little boyfriend.” Rui jokes.

Luca takes this seriously and chooses to take a seat next to [Name], “I’m sorry to hear, I didn’t know you were in a relationship.” This comment does motivates them to sit up. “I don’t have a boyfriend! I never had except for a little bit in eighth grade. Rui’s just joking.”

“Oh, then who are you talking about?” Luca turns his attention back to Rui. His blond haired friend Kaito does the same, taking a seat next to the man being questioned. “Yuri. They’ve been obsessed with each other since the first grade spelling bee and now he’s not even looking at them.”

[Name] scoffs, “You make it sound like I’m in love with him, I hate Isami Yuri.” They cross their arms, “Then it’s a good thing you two haven’t spoken, right? I mean I would love it if Romeo just left me alone.” Kaito comments.

“It should be, but…” They trail off, trying to find the right words to describe their feelings. “But?” Luca asks. “But I feel like I genuinely did something hurtful, and I feel bad for it.” They cry, burying their face in their hands. They groan and take their hands off their face, “Why is this so difficult! Usually I just call him an evil creation of tartarus or hell or something else ghoulish but!”

All three guys stay quiet to let [Name] rant, all of their eyes glued to the student. “But I saw his house, and his lack of friends, and how he quivered underneath my gaze. It’s… humanizing. Don’t get me wrong I still think no man like that can be one hundred percent human, but it’s humanizing.”

Luca laughs lightly, “Perhaps it’s because he is human. There are many I don’t like, but they all have their reasons because we are human.” He smiles at them which makes them feel better, and they feel their cheeks warm up just the slightest. “Yeah, you’re right Luca.”

Rui stares deadpanned at [Name], “I’ve been saying this haven’t I? Haku’s been saying this too, what’s different when he says it my love?” He fakes being hurt, which [Name] responds to silently with a knowing glare. “You should apologize.” Luca says smiling, “That will make you feel better.”

[Name] stares at him confused, “I did already. When it happened.” He shakes his head, “No, genuinely.” They ignore how he just assumed that it wasn’t genuine, and agreed like the suck up they were for him. “I should, thank you Luca.” He nods, “Of course.”

There’s a short amount of silence before Kaito speaks up, “Can we go now, I hate being the third wheel especially with someone as pretty as [Name].” He complains to Luca. The boy being questioned turns to his friend and nods, “Sure, let’s go Kaito.”

No comment was made on the ‘third wheel’ thing Kaito said as they left, which left [Name] blushing just the slightest. Their joy was only momentary, as Rui’s unpleased look snaps them out of it.

“What?” They ask him. “Nothing.” Silence befell upon them for a moment, despite saying nothing Rui continues, “It’s just a little disappointing to see you folding so fast. If I had known all it takes to get you to do something was for it to have come out of Luca’s mouth I would’ve started asking him to tell you these things.”

He sighs dramatically, placing his head in the palm of his hand, “How do you plan on apologizing anyways?”

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

It’s been another week and they still have no viable answer for Rui’s question. How did they plan on apologizing?

Of course they could always flake on Luca, but they knew they couldn’t. That would basically be telling him that they couldn’t own up to their own mistakes! And they had to make sure he knew that they could do that, that they could be nice to their enemies. (Even enemies like Yuri.)

Yet that was so challenging. The happenings of Yuri’s birthday were hard to even relive, how could they own up to it?

They realized this was something even an elementary schooler could do.

They set the thought aside, this wasn’t important right now. There was plenty of time to apologize to Yuri, what there wasn’t time for was the science fair.

It was two months away, less technically, as the projects were due December first.

They hadn’t begun work on it yet and this thought was weighing on them more than the thought of apologizing to Yuri.

This was a lie. They had been thinking about Yuri more, which is why they haven’t even started on the project.

Typically they would’ve already started but their thoughts weighed so heavily for the past month that nothing else permeated except for maybe Luca a few times.

And recently, what they have dubbed “Case Study: Apology” has been locked in their brain as well. They turned over in their bed, forcing themselves out of it.

They would start on the science fair right now. No more Yuri, no more apologies, just work and study.

They opened up their notebook and read what they had written:

Stem Cell Research

A different organ?

Frankenstein irl?

X-Ray machine <<<

Their eyes met the last option, an x-ray machine. Sure it had been done before but, with enough work they could make an improved version that could greatly impact the medical fields.

If successful they also planned on making this machine accessible to the masses so people don’t have to go into debt for using one at the doctors.

It was a grand idea but they knew it could be done.

They had ordered everything they needed in August, before Yuri’s party, and it has all been sitting untouched since.

They picked themself up and walked to their makeshift lab, it was actually their garage but neither their mothers nor Haku particularly minded.

And thus they began work on this year's science fair project.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

It’s been a month. It’s been over a month actually. It’s been over a month since Yuri’s birthday, and [Name] still hasn’t apologized. It was Halloween, the one day a year they allowed off for education.

The plan for today was to go trick or treating with Edward, Rui, and Lyca. Everyone agreed out loud that they were going for Lyca, but silently they all knew that they all wanted to get candy and show off their costumes.

They all stood outside of the boys' shared house. Lyca was dressed as a werewolf, Rui was a slightly slutty grim reaper and Edward was a vampire.

“Vere arthe ve going.” Edward spoke, but his poor attempt to do a fake vampire accent coupled with the plastic fake teeth he wore gave him a massive lisp. “Edward, take those out.” Rui shook his head in motherly disappointment. He spit them out much to his dismay.

“Now say that again.” Rui crossed his arms, still looking disappointed in his friend. “Where are we going?” He asked, smiling.

“I was thinking just around the neighborhood by the school for a bit. Somewhere where the neighbors won’t see, but not too far so we can get you home fast if we need.”

Edward nods attentively, giving his signature smile, “Then let’s head off!”

They headed off by car. (There’s only so much you can do with a chronically ill eighteen year old and a seventeen year old who gets skittish under the light of the full moon.)

They arrived in a semi familiar neighborhood, lined with modern houses and one gothic house plotted straight in the middle.

“Rui, why did we drive to this neighborhood?” [Name] looked out the window towards the large black and gray house.

“Because my dear, my love, my sugar you need to grow up and apologize already.” He looked over at them, his hands resting on the steering wheel. His words caused them to sink into the car seat. “Now get out of the car and trick or treat!” He shoos them off, the other 3 getting out of the car. “And [Name], apologize to Yuri! I’m going to go find parking somewhere.” Rui said through the window before driving off.

“Ugh I can’t do this!!!” Complained [Name]. Lyca smiled at them, “Yes you can [Name]! I believe in you!!” The boy encouraged them. To which Edward nods, “Yes. Why, how about you go do it now? Get it done like ripping off a band aid, and then enjoy sweet and tantalizing candy! Why? We could even feed it to each other like birds do.”

“You know what, I think I will do it. But only because you said something weird and I don’t want to be associated with you anymore.” [Name] looked at him with joking disgust and walked off towards Yuri’s house. They could hear Edwards' laughter in the distance.

They ring the doorbell at Yuri’s door once they arrive. After a few moments of painful, anxious, waiting Yuri opens the door. His eyes visibly widened in surprise, his expression showed how caught off guard he was. “Elizabeth? I mean-” He awkwardly coughs into his hand, “[Name].”

Yuri’s initial words called attention to their costume, which, in their opinion, was a very accurate depiction of Elizabeth Lavenza from Frankenstein. His costume coincidentally matched, he was Victor Frankenstein, though [Name] was too shocked by the fact that he actually dressed up to think about the fact that they were matching.

“Why are you here?” He asked, his surprise still apparent. “To apologize to you.” Their words caused his eyebrows to furrow, “There’s nothing to apologize for. You were right.”

“What?” They met his eyes, which burned with some sort of anger and pain. “”You were right, I am all those things, but it doesn’t hurt me all that very much. If that is what it takes to be a genius, then I will be a monster.” He goes to close his door but [Name] stops him by grabbing the doorknob and overpowering him.

“No, No No! I was wrong. I mean well, you do have your flaws but you’re a person too.” They fight for control of the door. “You’re not supposed to agree with yourself when apologizing.” Yuri argues. “I’m trying ok! What I said was mean, and it really has been weighing on me! I started my science fair project late because of it!” The struggle for the door suddenly stops and [name} goes flying straight through his front door.

“You started late because you felt bad?” Yuri was clearly blind to the fact that they now stood a few inches from each other inside his house, as he made no effort to push them out.. “Yes, I really mean it! So accept my apology and let’s just get back to working on the stupid project Dante gave us. We’re already a month behind.”

“Well I suppose I could. If you really did start late then that would infer that you truly mean it when you felt bad, and I quite enjoy that.”

[Name] wasn’t going to look further into what exactly he meant by that, choosing to take this victory. They were about to leave when Yuri called out to them. “Your costume reminds me, you left your copy of Mary Shelly’s frankenstein here.”

They shake their head, “No it’s yours.” Yuri looks at them confused, “I do not have a copy of Frankenstien, I already returned it to the library months ago.”

“No no no, it was for you. For your birthday?”

Yuri seemingly short circuits at their words, but quickly attempts to cover it up. “I see, you can go now.”

They nod, “thank you Yuri, for accepting my apology.” They pause as they leave, “But don’t get this mixed up as defeat! I still hate you!”

From outside his door they could hear a faint ‘as do I you.’ from Yuri. Once out of his sight they let go a sigh of relief that they were unaware they had been holding in.

It seems Case Study: Apology, was the first case to actually get closed. They celebrated this fact with Edward, Rui and Lyca later as they all indulged in candy and spooky movies.

Tons of things were to come, mostly the science fair, but it wasn’t the time to worry about that, it was the time to relax and celebrate.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

A/N: :3 Yuri’s bday!! Chapters may be slower now bcs we have a permanent sub for a month who actually is trying to teach lol srry :’)

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Masterdoc

[heliswife]

appe jose!! anon!!

so, what abt prsk males with a s/o who’s really short?? around 4’11 to 5’0 because that’s the shortest in prsk!!!

-aple jose 🤤🤤🧃🧃

so I just finished it and I hope you like it :) Enjoy this read lol I worked hard on it -Mochi/Alastor

Tsukasa (5'7)

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ He sometimes can't hear you while walking in public so he crouches down slightly. Your height literally sometimes means you have to stand on the tip of your toes to even give him a kiss on the cheek.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ He makes fun of your height in a teasing, playful and loving way. He always reassures you he finds your height adorable if he ever accidentally goes too far though.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Taking pictures with him is definitely an experience. He has to crouch down to even get to your height so in over half of your guy's pictures he's crouching.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ If he ever ends up having to buy you clothes, he will again, be considerate of your height. He helps you pick out things that he thinks you'd look good in, and also thinks about how short you are.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Compliments your height. If you ever feel insecure about it he'll also make sure you know he finds it literally the most adorable thing ever.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Akito (5'8)

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ He's mischievous. He probably made you a cake for your one year anniversary that said "I'm glad this relationship won't be as short as you are ♥️"

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ He would plan little romantic gestures for you, but he will make it difficult for you. He will put notes and things like that in high places so you have to get a stool.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ He enjoys singing with you. If you guys sing side by side he will occasionally pat your head while you're singing and he's not.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ If you ever feel insecure about your height, he will literally listen to you. He always makes fun of your height, but he loves how small you are. He thinks it's adorable. He will try his best to reassure that

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Randomly throughout the day he just picks you up and hugs you sometimes. Or he just picks you up and puts you on his shoulders. It's become a habit and he can't stop it.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Toya (5'10)

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ He would randomly pat your head at times and pick you up. He also randomly gives you piggyback rides.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ In big crowds he holds your hand. He doesn't wanna lose you and he wants to make sure you're not overwhelmed.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ For dates he thinks about your height a lot. For amusement parks he would strictly avoid rides where you don't fit the height requirements.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ He always reaches on the top shelf of things for you, even if he does have to crouch a little to get what's on the shelf.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ He's literally obsessed with how short you are. He loves your height. It makes cuddling perfect because he literally can fit you perfectly in his arms.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Rui (5'10)

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Like Tsukasa, he makes fun of your height a lot, in a teasing and of course loving way. He soon reassures you how adorable he finds your height. He loves when you look up at him.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ When he talks to you he crouches down to your level to make you feel taller. It doesn't work but that's okay.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ If you ever end up getting married and moving in with each other in the future he has a step stool. It's literally only for you. No one can use it but you.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ He gives you piggy back rides in public. He does it for multiple reasons. It's fun. He thinks it's cute. He knows you're not lost. It also makes it easier to tell if you're being overwhelmed.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ If you ever use photo booths he literally is so tall he has to hold you up a lot of the pictures.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Heyy I hope you enjoyed the story. I'm kinda proud of this one. Likes and rebloggs are appreciated ! ! :D

[fyodoro]

Ok so- hi I really like your writing!

Really sorry if this is too specific but can I request Rui with an s/o who rarely genuinely smiles or feels happy because they often feel kind of empty and are socially anxious.. but since wxs likes to make people smile, they kind of take this as a challenge; but in the end it’s Rui that makes them smile without even trying, because they love him💕

->𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚 𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐢𝐩𝐬

What started as a convenient friendship turned into the first real smile you’ve expressed in years.

With Rui Kamishiro | Genre - angst? Comfort is here though dw…

Cw) reader is kinda like mafuyu but not rlly, just very empty yknow?, implied suicidal thoughts if you squint, annoying middle schoolers, mentioned neglect, reader stutters but not a lot they’re just anxious, swearing

For as long as you could remember, there was a constant feeling of… dread. Most of the time, it was all you could feel. Every corner you turned paranoia washed over you, every second that past felt like you were doomed. It didn’t help that this feeling increased drastically during social events. The dread eventually wore off sometimes, but it was never replaced. You just felt… incomplete.

Your family thought you were an outcast to them, you never smiled with them. Even when they sang happy birthday to you as a child, you found it difficult to smile. At first, it freaked everyone out. What kind of kid doesn’t smile on their birthday? The judgement turned to annoyance, and before you knew it, you were left in the dust.

Your parents still tried their best to make you smile, or show any kind of emotion. But their efforts were put to waste. You just… could barley smile. It was a heartbreaking turn of events, but there wasn’t anything left that could be done about it. Since then, you’ve been left to handle your emotional baggage on your own.

In elementary school, things were a bit different. People actually wanted to be your friend and tried talking to you. As smooth as it went, you were still left with a feeling of emptiness. You felt awkward around these friends- like you couldn’t speak up without a fear of being shunned. The awkwardness came off as off putting, driving your friends away. You didn’t mind though. You didn’t mind one bit.

Not at all.

Junior High rolled around. The kids were meaner, boys were becoming more obnoxious, and the girls were eating that obnoxious behavior up. For a moment, it took away that feeling of dread, replacing it with humor and disgust. You let out a dry laugh any time you encountered a couple, finding it to be so annoying it was actually funny.

You’re pretty sure it was the first time you experienced humor. Maybe it was a bit weird, your first laugh being at relationships, but it was definitely a first step.

“I didn’t think you knew how to laugh.” Someone said from behind you. You turned around, being met with a tall frame that definitely didn’t look like it belonged to a year seven.

You only stared at him, not saying a word. He had unkempt purple hair with some blue streaks, it looked pulled back, but you couldn’t tell if it was a ponytail or a knot. His eyes were a dull yellow, small dark circles under his eyes bringing them out a bit.

‘How eccentric.’ You thought.

You walked away, not wanting to interact with the individual… Especially someone who looked like they were ready to question you. Little did you know, that would only be your first encounter with the tall male.

You had to admit it was strange. Ever since that encounter with the unkempt male, you’ve noticed him roaming around more and more. You frequently saw him in the stairwell, where you would go down, he would go all the way up to the rooftop. Other days you spotted him on the rooftop’s fence from below. You brushed it off however, you’re probably only noticing him now because you met him. Of course he’ll stand out.

Of course.

That was the next phase of junior high. Your final year before high school, and it was full of failed attempts at making friends, getting outcasted more as a result, and just pure shitty luck. You thought ‘Of course’ at least once a week by this point, cause what else was there to think? Of course this was the biggest part of your youth. Of course.

That mindset was what lead you all over the school in search for a lunch spot. You couldn’t bear to sit in the cafeteria with all those other students… just thinking about it made you uncomfortable. The outdoor seats were always occupied with couples or friends having private conversations, it was best not to intrude either of those.

You found a spot at the library for a brief period, but you felt out of place after a while, surrounded by others your age who were just there to study. Once again, it was better not to be a hazard…

There was one place left in the entire school, the rooftop. You were reluctant to go, hearing rumors of a couple of weirdos sitting up there all day. Whoever those “weirdos” were had quite the reputation, as going up to the rooftop around lunch became a punishment for friends who lost a bet. Just who knows what you’ll get yourself into if you stay there… but it was worth a shot, right?

Taking a deep breath, you twisted the door handle to the very top of the school. You didn’t see anyone initially, ‘Maybe it was just a school myth’ you thought. But a quick turn of the head proved that wrong, cause right away you spotted a familiar silhouette of purple hair, along with a unfamiliar pink haired individual.

He still stood out like a sore thumb, just like before. ‘Isn’t this the guy who didn’t think I could laugh?’ You thought to yourself. He whispered something to the pink haired fellow next to him, before turning his head back to you. You felt awkward, judged even. You weren’t sure what to say exactly, not expecting to come face to face with these two.

“Hey there, did you come to get another laugh?” He spoke up. You couldn’t tell if that was an insult or not, or maybe he was trying to emphasize you weren’t welcomed, or maybe you looked like you were judging? This was nerve-wrecking…

“Um… not exactly. I- well um, there’s not a lot of places to sit for someone like me. I didn’t think anyone came up here.” That was a lie, the other two across from you knew that as well. Everyone knows the rooftop was for rejects like them.

You were shaking. A lot. You averted your gaze to anything but the pair in front of you, trying to avoid judgmental stares or mocking laughs.but they never came.

“You know you can come over here, right? Isn’t it uncomfortable standing in the middle like that? Rui, make some room for them.” The pink one said. They had a androgynous look to them, but were wearing regular pants and a red cardigan. They sounded a bit harsh, but it didn’t seem intentional.

You walked over to the spot made for you, taking a seat and stretching your legs out. Now the silence was really awkward, just great…. Now what?

“I believe we met before, yes?” The taller said. You didn’t want to acknowledge it, but you did meet before. It felt weird to look back on considering you ran away from him, and now you’re sitting right next to him.

You stayed silent, but that didn’t keep him from continuing.

“We never got each other’s names you know. I’m Rui Kamishiro, the one next to me is Mizuki Akiyama. Surely you have a name as well, correct?” This guy was definitely bolder with his words than any other “friendly” person you’ve met before.

“It’s (Name), (Full Name).” Was all you said.

“Well, (Full Name), I hope to see you more often in the future.” He replied. Almost like it was timed perfectly, as the bell rang the moment he finished his sentence.

For the rest of the day, you recalled the encounter over and over again in your mind. Maybe going up there wouldn’t be too bad of an idea, but the school year was close to ending. You’d hate to find a real friend and lose them right after.

So for the rest of the year, you went up there at least once a week. Other days you’d spend free period in a restroom stall, which wasn’t the nicest experience, but it felt somewhat safe.

The routine repeated till graduation. You found Mizuki to be a comforting individual to be around, but the year difference lead to difficulties in seeing each other around outside of the rooftop. With Rui, you felt he was just a friend of convenience. You both were friends with Mizuki, and happened to be in the same year and class. After graduation, you’ll probably never speak to him again.

When graduation rolled around, it felt relieving. After today… you’ll probably never see these people again. You didn’t have any bittersweet feelings toward it, only sweet. These were the people who played a part in making your junior high experience hell, after all. Why should you feel sad about never seeing them again? Mizuki was going to your high school when they graduated, so you weren’t too worried about that either.

You glanced at Rui as you left the gymnasium, he waved. You stopped in your tracks briefly, telling your parents you’ll be right back before walking towards him.

“Rui..”

“Well if it isn’t (Name), are you excited? You know, for high school.”

You wish you could say yes, but you couldn’t. You weren’t ready to go through all this again, with no idea of who anyone is was a whole other subject. You were ready to leave, but you weren’t ready to start fresh.

Your silence said all he needed to know, he patted your shoulder and called his mom over from where she was standing.

“Would you mind taking a picture of me and my friend here?” He asked.

She smiled warmly at you, nodding her ahead and pulling her phone out. Rui wrapped an arm around your shoulder, you did the same, except your arm was around his waist instead.

His mother showed you two the photo, you thanked he. Giving one last look to Rui, you walked back towards your parents, finally getting out of this hellhole.

“Who was that over there, (Name)? Your mother asked.

“Just an acquaintance from this year…”

From that point on, you tried your best to forget about everything that happened in Junior high, along with everyone you met there. You felt it was too painful to dwell on the past, there was nothing that could change it, so why bother wishing it went differently?

Besides, in a way, you worried it would hold you back in high school. If you keep thinking like junior high… you’ll be frozen in time. That’s not a very pretty outcome, is it?

Your first year in high school brought you back to your childhood a bit. Without elementary acquaintances, you didn’t know a single person in Kamiyama. You felt dread all around, nothing else. Every time a teacher called on random kids, you had to fight back nausea from the anxiety of getting picked. It was terrible to say the least.

You felt nothing but everything at the same time. By now, you couldn’t remember the last time you smiled. Was it eight years ago? Nine? Maybe a decade… it was almost like a curse. Why couldn’t you experience a normal life? Why did things have to go this way? Why?

God. Was it too much to wish to disappear? If you disappeared… things wouldn’t be so hard. You wouldn’t be able to worry anymore, right? If you went to bed every night thinking that, maybe your prayers will be answered. At least, that’s what you hoped.

Time didn’t feel real anymore, so much so that your second year at Kamiyama appeared in front of you out of no where. You can’t recall anything from the past year other than rotting away after school ever single day. It was hard to believe you were already a second year, let alone still alive.

You expected this year to go the exact same as the previous, you really did. In a way, you almost wanted it to. It was what you were accustomed to after all. Such a sudden change could go many ways… but the way this change went was all that you wanted. Even if you didn’t realize that in the moment.

First thing you noticed walking through the school gates? A familiar pink haired figure. The only thing familiar was their presence, they looked completely different from the last time you saw them. Mizuki almost ran towards you, coming at you with a bear hug.

“(Name)! It’s been so long, how are you?!” They asked, still hugging you. You loosely hugged back, patting their back.

“Mizuki… I’ve been… uh, alright? What about you..?” You asked in return.

“Ah, I’ve been a lot better actually! Oh, I’ll see you later! My friend’s little brother is right over there. I need to say hi!” And with that they ran off again. Mizuki was definitely more energetic than the last time you saw them.

You were proud of them. They’ve seemed to have grown a lot since junior high, even making new friends along the way. You were glad your first feeling of the school year was proudness rather than dread, you’d have to thank Mizuki later, huh?

Walking along the pathway, you were once again greeted with a familiar figure. Except this time… you definitely weren’t expecting this one.

“(Name)?” A sly voice said.

“…Rui?”

You didn’t know what to think. You thought graduation would be the last time you ever saw him. After all, he was going to an elite high school. He was destined to do something great, so what the hell was he doing here?

“Hmm, looks like fate brought us together once again. What have you been up to these days?” He asked. You didn’t have the guts to tell him “nothing.” That just felt… embarrassing. He’s probably been busy, occupied with his own hobbies. He shouldn’t have to hear the sob story of the past year…

“Well… um, I forget. What brings you here though…? I thought you were going to that elite high school for science. Uh… did something happen?” Of course, switching the conversation onto him was a better idea for now.

“Ah, not exactly. I just had a little accident on school grounds, accidentally blew up school property as a result. So they had to expel me, something about ‘damaging the school’s prestigious reputation.’” He chuckled to himself at that last part, finding his expulsion humorous? You didn’t understand this guy still.

You two stood in silence for a moment. You weren’t sure what to say, you never were. Rui knew this, so thankfully it made the silence less awkward. This meeting was extremely awkward on your behalf, never did you think of seeing him again.

And that was your next feeling, guilt. Guilt for never staying in contact, guilt for trying to forget about him. Most importantly, guilt for never wanting to see him again. You never knew why you thought that. He was a friend for a bit, friends don’t usually wish to never see each other again, don’t they?

“Say, what if I introduced you to a few people here? Only two. One of which I think you’d get along with excellently. The other one… I’m not so sure. But! They aren’t judgmental.” You didn’t know who to expect, but you agreed nonetheless. You were hoping this one that you’d supposedly get along with was actual similar to you.

“These two are apart of my theater troupe I joined a month ago. There’s another one, but she goes to the girl’s academy. She did say something about visiting Kamiyama ever so often though.” A theater troupe? You knew Rui was into weird stuff, so what did he have to do with theater? You can’t recall him ever expressing a passion for it…

“Still silent, huh?” He asked, noticing you’re lack of responses. The nod of your head didn’t help much, you still didn’t wanna be too verbal right now.

“I haven’t forgotten, you know. About that time you laughed. I think that was the only time I ever witnessed you expressing a joyous feeling, but something tells me that laugh was more bitter than joyous. Not to mention… you haven’t smiled before either.” The more he said the more you wished to run away. You wanted to find good friends, not get called out like this.

“I’m just hard to entertain is all.” You responded with, meekly. Entertain didn’t equate to happy, you knew this, so did Rui. But both of you decided to ignore that fact for now.

“Thankfully my troupe’s job is to entertain people, the girl at the girl’s academy is all about making people smile. I’m sure if you stopped by one of our shows at Phoenix Wonderland… (Name)?” You stopped dead in your tracks. Was he really trying to make to smile? Make you happy? Did he really think it was going to be that easy?

“You know it’s been so long since I last smiled, I can’t even remember the last time I did. What you want to do is impossible, Rui.” You said solemnly. You didn’t want him to get his hopes up, so you just had to give it to him straight.

“Well lucky for me, I enjoy challenging the impossible.” He said it like it was the simplest thing in the world. You almost wanted to punch him. Almost.

You continued walking, finally seeing the two he wanted to introduce you to. Tsukasa Tenma and Nene Kisangani.

You heard of Tsukasa from last year, you thought he was rather obnoxious and tried to steer clear of him. Nene must be a first year, there was nothing familiar about her, not even her name. Throughout the whole interaction she hid behind Tsukasa, ‘so that’s what he meant by us getting along… she’s nervous as well.’ You thought.

You weren’t sure if you should’ve took it as a compliment anymore, was he equating you to a shy mess who needed to hide behind someone at all times? But… she seemed nice. You couldn’t judge her, you’d probably do the same thing if you had a good friend like that. If you had a good friend like that.

Dread snuck up on you before you could even realize. You averted eye contact even more, and felt as your legs began to shake. ‘Isn’t this just great’

“(Name)! Are you well?” Tsukasa’s voice boomed, he was far too loud asking that question.

Rui looked over to your figure next to him. He noticed almost right away how uncomfortable you looked, Nene did as well. Though, she thought it was best not to point it out in a group setting.

“Ah, excuse them. They’re pretty anxious with unfamiliar people. I’m sure they’ll warm up to you two eventually. After all, we are performing our next show for them.” Rui said as if he already talked it out with the group. Which, he indeed, did not. You weren’t even mentioned prior to this meeting.

Tsukasa and Nene gave each other a confused look. “We are?” They said in unison.

“We are!” Rui stated again.

Meanwhile, you had the most confused look on your face. What does he mean by ‘performing their next show for you’? You couldn’t say you appreciated the effort, but at the same time, you kinda didn’t. This felt… way too sudden.

The bell rang before anyone could protest. You learnt Tsukasa was in a separate class than Rui though, and knew for sure Nene was in fact a first year. With that, those two went their own ways to class, leaving you and Rui alone.

“Are you not going to class? It’s the first day back you know.” He almost sounded like a mother, almost. Rui didn’t have the responsibility to act like a mother.

“I’m waiting for you… we’re in the same class, right?”

“Indeed we are.”

You walked ahead of him, not wanting to be directly next to him. It also provided some sense of security that he was right behind you, no one could sneak up on you like that. But that didn’t last long… before you knew it, you and Rui were walking side by side.

“Are you excited for our show?” He asked. You shot him with a glare, not appreciating how sudden that was.

“Not really.” You responded.

“Yes you are, don’t lie.” Great. Now he was doing that teasing voice of his again.

“I am not.”

“You are.”

“No.”

“Yes!”

“No!”

You two bickered back and forth, interrupted by something you found unbelievable.

You felt your lips curve up, but you weren’t sure why. Of course, Rui just had to notice.

“Was that…” he began.

“It wasn’t anything!” You exclaimed, face flushed with embarrassment. Did it seriously have to happen like that?

“It looked like something.” He stated matter of factly. Pointing towards your lips, he mimicked the smile you just had.

“You just went like this!” He pressed his thumbs to the corner of your lips, pushing it upwards a bit to replicate what he had just witnessed.

You stayed silent, avoiding eye contact at any cost. At this rate… you were going to be late anyways.

“I can’t believe it! I’ve heard you laugh before, but it was so dry. And I’ve never seen you smile, not even in that photo we took at graduation!” You tried to ignore him, you really did.

On one hand, you felt a sense of relief you were able to smile, and that you weren’t as broken as you thought. But on the other hand… you just smiled because of Rui. That didn’t feel right at all.

“Come on now, say something. You and me both know you’re just a littleee happy, right?” He said. You tried thinking about it, but could you really conclude you were happy? Maybe satisfied was the better word… but maybe happiness wasn’t too much of a stretch.

“Maybe… I’m not sure? I didn’t think I could do that anymore.” You replied, feeling more and more embarrassed by the second.

“And just to think… I was about to put on a whole show just to get a smile out of you. But that isn’t necessary anymore, right? If I’m able to get a smile out of you just like that…” He leaned closer to your face. Not too close, but close enough to pull even more embarrassment out of you.

“Don’t… don’t say it like that. You know it was just a coincidence-“

“How do you smile by coincidence?”

You couldn’t argue with that, even you knew it doesn’t work like that. A part of you wanted to say more, but the other part of you pushed it back. It wasn’t the right time for any of that, not yet at least.

“What do you say we recreate that graduation photo? But this time you smile! How does that sound?”

“Unnecessary, that’s how it sounds.”

He merely chuckled at your bluntness. The conversation felt like forever in your mind, but it was apparently shorter. The bell hasn’t rung again To signal class starting, and you’ve just arrived in the classroom. Was this a better concept of time than before?

Your memory was blurry, so you couldn’t recall many events form the past year. But you can recall the way you felt, lonely. You didn’t have a reason to get up in the morning, you didn’t have anyone or anything to look forward to during the day. It was hard to think about, you’ve never been that lonely before.

But with Rui back, even Mizuki, you felt like you were finally reaching that light at the end of the tunnel. Rui’s troupe members… they were fond of you. Maybe this was the year you could finally be a part of a friend group again. Maybe this year you’ll be able to find…

“(Name), look at the seating chart, I’m right behind you. Sorry if you feel me poking your back at all.” Rui said smugly, with a shit eating grin plastered across his face.

Yeah… maybe this year you will be able to find all that.

[kotaromita]

OOC Lore Post: KOTARO'S FRIENDS

After talking about them quite a bit here and there as Kotaro, I figured now would be a good time to do a big info-dump about my two Project Sekai OCs that server as Kotaro's friends and musical collaborators. "Kotaro's Friend" is a canon character who has 2 lines spoken to Akito regarding how Kotaro got into music, so I decided that was enough information for me to take it and run and make individuals based on it.

Introducing, Minoru Saiki and Kazuki Shimabokuro.

I'll start with Kazuki.

Kazuki Shimabokuro

2nd year, online student (17 yrs old)

170 cm tall

Born February 20th (Pisces)

An online musician who goes by the name “Kazukur0.” He makes chaotic and inconsistent music that can be described as “breakcore” or “alternative.” He utilizes Virtual Singers because he is self conscious of his nasally voice. He’s socially awkward and has a tendency to ramble on and on when given the leeway to. His younger sister creates his song cover images to post online. He has William’s syndrome.

He suffered a lot in junior high in a fashion not unlike Mizuki and Rui, which is why he does online school now that he's in high school. He has severe stage fright and admires Kotaro's bravery to perform solo a lot. He longs to be heard and admired but until he can overcome his social anxiety he will use Kotaro as both his muse and vessel.

Hobbies: Mimicking Western fashion trends, singing

Specialties: Making electronic music utilizing sound effects and the Kagamine duo’s vocals

Dislikes: Quiet

Favorite food: Takoyaki

Least favorite food: Kimchi

and through Kazuki, Kotaro meets...

Minoru Saiki

Graduate, unspecified university (19 years old)

178 cm tall

Born November 29th (Sagittarius)

A professional musician who prides himself on his ability to mimic the musical stylings of any musician exactly. He is mostly hired for classical music performances and cover bands but he is able to play most instruments and learns songs very quickly. Because of his capabilities his nickname among peers is “Shapeshifter.” He is unwilling to compromise when it comes to music. He has Jacob’s syndrome.

Due to dedicating himself to perfect recreations, he has left little room for himself to develop his own style and even his own personality. He has a makings of a talented composer but he never takes credit for anything original he creates as he doesn't want to risk being associated with something "imperfect."

Hobbies: Challenging his skills by learning incredibly difficult songs

Specialties: Translating songs from instrument to instrument

Dislikes: Change, being disagreed with

Favorite food: Fried tofu

Least favorite food: Tuna

Kazuki meets Kotaro first. Kazuki is Kotaro's fan! He didn't see RAD WEEKEND, akin to Toya and Kohane, but he's always found solace in music and came to love Kotaro and his independence and individuality rivaling his own.

He offers up his "services" making "beats" to Kotaro, who sheepishly accepts, unaccustomed to being spoken to with any sort of admiration. Rather quickly they become friends. Kotaro picks up on Kazuki's discomfort with crowds and comes to care about him in a way similar to that of an older sibling.

That's when Minoru encounters them. Minoru seeks out Kazuki, knowing him solely as his online alias. As Minoru's only pastime is dissecting music pieces. A friend of his (shockingly, Souma Miyata) oftentimes challenges him with pieces he thinks would be exceptionally difficult to recreate. Through Kotaro Arata learns of Kazuki and through Arata Souma learns of him too. Thus, he shares kazukur0 with Minoru and says "Try recreating this!"

Minoru listens to Kazuki’s music over and over again, struggling to comprehend it. He’s frustrated but excited as he can’t remember the last time he felt challenged. He tries for days on end and for the life of him he cannot make an exact recreation of Kazuki and Kotaro's music. Minoru seeks Kazuki out and insists he observe Kazuki’s work process so he can understand how it was possible for someone to make such hypothetically bad music sound good. He has to find Kazuki and he has to understand how his brain works so he can mimic him as identically as he can every other musician.

Kazuki hates this! Frankly, he hates everything about the way Minoru treats music. They're complete opposites in every way. And yet, they both massively admire one another as musicians.

Both of them quite like Kotaro. Kazuki adores Kotaro, in the way a fan loves their bias and in a way a little sibling loves their elder. Minoru respects Kotaro for all that he's endured as a musician and his willingness to suffer in the quest to better himself.

Even though Minoru admires Kazuki in his own strange way, they have massive creative differences. During rehearsals Kazuki changes things and improvises sporadically, making each performance vary slightly. Minoru dislikes it, insisting Kazuki play the song the way it was “intended to be.” Kazuki gives in but Kotaro steps in, forcing them to agree to explore their options. When Kazuki performs the song without any personal touches, Minoru does recognize that somehow it feels as though something is missing.

As a trio, they're all forced to face the parts of themselves they try to ignore looking them dead in the face. Kazuki has to decide if he's truly satisfied being an accessory to Kotaro rather than truly being his partner and working side by side with him instead of insisting he work for him, that he isn't worthy of being seen as his equal. Minoru has to address the fact that he has no sense of identity and that despite his insistence on always working solo that all of his performing up until now has always hinged on being someone he isn't. And Kotaro, of course, has to face his persistent struggles with self worth and feeling that it's okay to "burden" others by asking for help.

They end up all in a sort of friendship-colleagues situation. Kotaro calls them his friends, Minoru calls them his colleagues, and Kazuki calls him his allies.

Here's sort of what a relationship chart between the three would look like!

Minoru → Kotaro: I admire your drive and willingness to follow advice and experiement. You're so far from perfect, and yet…I don't particularly hate it. [Calls him Mita.] Minoru → Kazuki: You're difficult to get along with and understand, but I admire you and you've fundamentally changed how I view music. [Calls him Kazukuro.]

Kazuki → Kotaro: MITA-SENPAI! ♡ I'm your biggest fan, forever! It's an honor to collab with you, so you can rely on me whenever! I just sort of wish I had the guts to stand on stage like you. Kazuki → Minoru: You piss me off so much! Your music is so good, but there's no YOU in it. How can I understand YOU when you keep saying these conflicting things!? You don't have to keep pretending to be perfect around us… [Calls him Saiki-senpai or Shapeshifter-senpai.]

Kotaro → Kazuki: You've always got my back and I've always got yours! Let's keep working together for a long time. My 2nd little brother. [Calls him Kazuki.] Kotaro → Minoru: You're a pain in the ass, but God are you talented. There's a lot I could learn from you…and a lot you could stand to learn from Vivid Street! [Calls him Saiki.]

thank you for coming to my ted talk please support kotaro mita and his two fuck ass mentally ill friends

[takendruid]

Turning three of my OCs into Transformers OCs (and suffering)

I don't want to talk about how much of a pain this has been for me, especially since I'm very new to TF. But I'm trying my best to wrap my head around this.

This was the page I did before just going to full body. Even with reference of TFO Megatron/D, trying to wrap my head around how to turn one of my OCs into a unique design that also translates to "tank" has been so hard. I love mecha media, but I struggle with drawing it.

Ichigo, Powerwing, has probably been the easiest since she turns into something that doesn't have wheels. But Minnie, Serket, and Rui, Arachne, have been super hard. At least I get to use reference with both TFO Megatron and Elita, but it's still difficult. As for Ichigo, I've just been referencing Starscream.

[weeb-polls-with-pip]

Autistic Anime Boys Prelims - Propaganda Division - Group 4

Propaganda:

Natsuki -

"He has a flat affect, especially towards the start of the series, and a strong special interest in fishing. He does not get along with Haru and Yuki at first because he doesn't think they are taking fishing seriously, but after seeing Yuki's drive to improve and growing appreciation for his interest, he warms up to them and develops, what seems to be, the first close friendships he 's had. As the boys learn to fish, he is the source of most of the very specific fishing knowledge in the series, and after the show is finished we see that he has moved overseas to continue pursuing his special interest."

Luca -

*okay I screwed up, this submission didn't have propaganda. It WAS marked 'yes' for propaganda use though, which is where the confusion came from. At this point I'm too tired to move the bracket around though, so Luca's just gonna stay here.

Adrian -

"Not a full time boy (but a boy nonetheless, bigender icon fr) but working autism overtime."

Rui -

"aside from being an adorable piano genius with the voice of an angel? he grew up sheltered and doesn't have a lot of physical stamina but he does his best to become an idol (rescuing his own black kitten along the way) and is officially considered the most cat-like in his unit. he will eat your pudding. also he grows up! he used to be like fifteen and now he's 26?!"

Hikaru -

"He's shown to have difficulty emoting since childhood. In a particular episode, a mother comes to him to alter her child's brain and remove the parts of him that make him difficult to handle. It is heavily implied that the things she wants removed is autism and Hikaru is more upset about this than most other things in the series but seems to understand that acceptance for people like him and the kid is few and far between. He also says things that could be considered rude when it comes to situations where people ask him to alter who they are as people, such as when a friend asks him to change her sexuality so that she's straight and doesn't have to suffer heartbreak anymore."

Rei -

"AUTISTIC ICON!!!!! just like. look at him. look at that one face he makes all the time. it's hard for me to name specific examples other than the obvious fixation on shoji and like general lack of social skills because i haven't gone through the whole thing in so long but there's soooo much there. i might be talking out of my ass but it's also like? such a sensorily focused story (both the anime and manga). he could even be considered a sports anime boy if you just believed ❤️ or something ‼️"

Vayne -

"Relies on his pet cat for social cues, because the cat is better at them. The saddest, most gentle boy to ever wield a cat-sword-gauntlet. Absolutely listens to all of his friends' infodumps with infinite love and interest. Completely oblivious to how everyone in his workshop adores him by the end of the game."

Ganta -

"he has insomnia (frequently comorbid with autism). once he gains an interest in astrophotography it becomes a special interest very quickly. he's sweet and kind but also gets annoyed easily and he rides a bike and works at an arcade and wants to be a nurse and he loves his girlfriend isaki so so much"

Aoi -

"He has a very devoted special interest in the idol Takada-chan, which he frequently imagines in fights and other situations… the moment someone (Itadori) expresses equal interest in something he is passionate about, he immediately declares them besties and brothers and creates a whole elaborate shared history for them that doesn’t actually exist. He’s not really interested in connecting with people who don’t share his interests. He’s seen as somewhat strange and eccentric. Though in the present he is respected because of his strength as a sorcerer, as a child he was very isolated."

Ray -

"Due to his extremely strong memory, Ray is forced to grow up faster than his best friends and gives himself up as a lost cause in hopes of saving them. He is very sharp and smart but has massive blind spots when it comes to trusting and considering others."

[pjsk-writin]

can you do the boys with a reader that has a lot of discomfort/borderline fear around eating in front of people/in public? feel free to delete if this is a little uncomfortable!

oo me too kinda, hope u like this ! <3

♡ EATING IN PUBLIC - Akito Shinonome, Toya Aoyagi, Tsukasa Tenma and Rui Kamishiro x Reader

Akito:

Honestly, I don't think that it really bothers Akito too much-

Like, he'll take you out to the WEEKEND GARAGE or his favorite pancake place, and if you don't want to eat, that's fine with him!

On the rare occasion where an event happens and you have to eat with people, he'll probably find some sort of excuse to allow you to eat by yourself-

He won't try to pry or learn too much about your fear/discomfort, he just knows that you have it and he's more than willing to adapt for you

He cares more than he likes to say, but you can tell he does whenever he immediately shields you in public if you pull out a snack of some sort. You could honestly just be moving it to your other pocket but he covers you on instinct

He's more than willing to eat in a separate place than you and just talk to you through other means. Seriously, he's fine as long as you're fine, but he won't say that-

Toya:

In a way, I feel like Toya has a milder case of that fear/discomfort

Like, he's alright eating in public with his friends, but he hates eating in public alone or with people he doesn't know

As a result, he's absolutely understanding of your fear, and makes sure that he doesn't take you anywhere you'd have to eat in public or in front of people

He might be a bit disappointed because he really does enjoy eating with the people he cares about, especially with his home life, but he won't push you whatsoever

He also usually lets you decide what you want to do whenever you go out to eat. Do you need a private place? Sure, he'll find one. Do you just not want to eat out? He's fine with that too!

Toya can and will go make food for you and just leave it outside of your room with a little note. He learns how to cook really good just for your sake <3

Tsukasa:

It would definitely make Tsukasa a bit sad at first...This future star can't treat you to a fancy date in some fancy restaurant?? You deserve that much...

Of course, he would never insult or make fun of you for it! He cares about you a lot, and that fear/discomfort is just another trait of yours!

You'll have to tell him if it's embarrassing or not because he's 1000% prepared to just yell at everyone to clear the area just because you want to eat-

He's also a bit sad about not being able to eat with you, but it's fine! He can carry a conversation with you from the other room

He definitely loves to cook for you though, it ensures that you don't have to go out in public!

He'll offer to let you eat with the other members of WxS, that's only if you feel comfortable with it though! Otherwise, he's fine being the only person you eat with/not facing while you eat <3

Rui:

Rui honestly shares the same fear/discomfort in ways as well-

He's grown up isolated, mocked for the way he is. He's found it difficult to eat in public or in front of people, mostly because he hates the feeling of being watched.

So, he's incredibly understanding of your fear/discomfort. In fact, the first time you tell him about it, he just goes, "Oh thank goodness I'm not alone in that-"

It just becomes a thing that the two of you refuse to eat in public or in front of people. The rest of WxS is completely fine with it-

It leads to a lot of funny situations where someone asks one of you if you want to have lunch and the other just interjects with a crazy reason as to why they can't-

But, if there ever is a situation where the two of you have to eat in public, he literally made a robot for himself that acts as a screen while he eats. He definitely makes one for you <3