#it's one of my favourite shows of all time you can't blame me for relating everything to it

[whatsagirltoblogabout]

huh. well. that was quite the ride indeed. Spoilers for The Mentalist season 4 finale below, as well as mild spoilers for Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. lol

I did in fact enjoy it while it lasted, seeing Jane being unhinged will always be a delight.

Seeing Lisbon in a church was oddly soothing, and the ensuing Jisbon shenanigans were lovely.

Was something of a surprise to see the lady from Superman and Lois, but her character was cool. Very fun. Pretty. Hot. Curious. I keep making AoS comparisons (which is high praise, for the record) but she kinda gives season 2 Ward vibes /pos. Again, iykyk.

Love love love having the whole team in on the plan, that's always a fun time. Unfortunately things felt a bit rushed, probably a side effect of having been pampered by the double-episode finale last season. Everything just happened kinda fast in this one, not as much push and pull or obstacles and whatnot. Not that I particularly mind, it was a fun experience the whole way through and that's what I'm looking for.

As always, very excited to keep watching and see where the next season takes us.

[royboyfanpage]

Hi, I love your page! What are your thoughts on Roy and Connor's relationship?

Hi! Thank you so much, I'm glad you like my posts :) and thank you sososo much for this ask, I love Roy and Connor's relationship and I'm glad I have an opportunity to talk about them. Sorry it's taken me all day to answer, but here you go :)

Short answer? That's his little brother.

Long answer?

I know that "fanon Batfam is canon Arrowfam" is tired and overused, but I really do think that, especially with Roy and Connor, there is some truth to it. While they haven't had too many interactions in canon, there's still a clear arc their relationship takes which I really like.

I don't like Chuck Dixon's Green Arrow run, obviously he's a shitty person but also his writing just isn't for me, but one of the few parts of it I did enjoy was Connor's first meeting with Roy in Green Arrow (1988) #97, prior to Ollie's death. It first establishes one of the most present themes in their relationship, which is the differences in relation to Ollie, and the contrasting experiences of being their father's sons. Roy's the son who grew up with Ollie, he knows him personally, the good and the bad, but his status as Ollie's son is still constantly in question, you can see it back in Longbow Hunters, Ollie calls Roy his son but still denies that that word has meaning ("Roy's a hell of a kid, but he's not mine. Not really.") Whereas Connor, there's never been any doubt that he's Ollie's son, he's his flesh and blood, but he never knew Ollie until he was already in adulthood. He knows Oliver Queen through magazines, but not personally. That's why when Ollie storms off after finding out he's Connor's dad Connor's shocked, but Roy isn't surprised when he hears that from Connor. He knows Ollie, and he knows how his fears of commitment would make him act. While this is only a minor theme of those specific issues where they first met, Roy helping Connor understand what it means to be Oliver Queen's son is one of my favourite parts of their later interaction.

After Ollie's death, there is some tension between Roy and Connor, particularly around Connor joining the JLA in Ollie's place and becoming the new Green Arrow, first mentioned in Teen Titans (1996) #12-

-which is later expanded on in Arsenal #2.

This is really the first time we see Roy and Connor have a heart to heart, and it shows Roy's inferiority complex. Due to tumblr photo limit I can't show more pages for this, but I think the one I chose is the most poignant because, at least in my eyes, it shows the insecurities both of them have in terms of their relation to Ollie, and how each of them address that. Roy's loud, he'll openly speak his mind and say what he feels, and that's why it's primarily about him (that and that it's his mini and Connor's a guest). Roy openly admits feeling inferior to Connor in his position as Ollie's son, even after Ollie's death. Connor, he's quieter about it, and gets spoken over by Roy before he can actually talk about his feelings (which is a pretty consistent problem Connor faces where people expect him to listen but not talk). But you can still see it in his body language, the shadow over his face looking downwards, and while he isn't allowed to finish his sentence you can still tell what he's about to say, that Roy's more of Ollie's son than he is. They both know that the other hasn't actually done anything, but they're not to blame for each feeling their own individual emotions.

They also address the topic of legacy in relation to Ollie in #3, and how there's this unspoken standard to live up to that neither of them ever really can. Roy's Ollie's mentee, his protege, he should be Ollie's legacy, and yet he's not Green Arrow, he's not in the JLA, and he's still coming in second place. Whereas Connor, he is Green Arrow, he's Ollie's legacy, he's in the JLA, but he's a better martial artist than archer.

I wish they'd gotten more opportunities to interact while Ollie was dead because there was SO much potential for them during that period, but alas.

And now, I get to talk about one of my top five comics ever: Boys' Night Out, Green Arrow (2001) #32. Yeah, sure, the whole issue only happened because Ollie wanted Connor out of the house, but it's also the first comic to really explore the brotherly relationship between them, particularly in terms of Roy being older. Roy takes Connor bookshopping despite his own boredom-

-And then takes him to a strip club, where they have another heart to heart.

This page specifically is so important to me, because it's one of the few instances where Connor's actually being heard. Particularly in the 2000s but also in the 90s, a lot of Connor's character was defined by him being the voice of reason, the one who'll talk people down and listen to their problems, which ignores the fact that he's actually a pretty young guy, usually younger than the people he's helping (I suck with ages, I'm pretty sure he was 18 when he was first introduced which, by rough estimate using the Lian Method, would make him around 20-22 in the 2000s). I'm not saying that diminishes his emotional intelligence, he's clearly very emotionally intelligent, but it is a lot of pressure to put on someone that young to constantly be the one holding his family together. That's why I think this whole issue is so important for Connor, it's his chance to actually just be, and Roy's the best person for that. Despite what some fanon and canon characterisations suggest, Roy is absolutely not emotionally immature. Hell, you could make a pretty solid argument that part of the reason he took Connor to a strip club in the first place was to bring up the issue of Connor's sexuality. While asexuality wasn't as popularised as a term back then as it is today, the idea of Connor being queer was very present during Green Arrow (2001), albeit often used as a punchline, and while they're there Connor even gets referred to as a "friend of Madonna" by one of the workers. And while in Roy's head Connor was either gay or just had a low libido at that time, his "you're you and Ollie loves you" speech could very easily be interpreted as acceptance of his sexuality, even before Connor himself had figured it out. It acknowledges that, while Connor's good at helping other people work through their own problems, he's still a young person struggling with his identity, not understanding why he's so different to those around him, even his father. And Roy picks up on that, and tells him that it doesn't matter who or what he is, that what matters most is he's Connor, and him being Connor is enough to warrant love and support.

But Roy also doesn't treat Connor any differently to how he'd treat anyone else. When Connor says something Roy disagrees with, he calls him out

And I think Roy's treatment of Connor as an equal is very important. He doesn't depend on him or treat him like he's this pinnacle of wisdom, but he also doesn't coddle him and treat him like a baby. He calls his ass out, when he needs to! Roy's still a very loud and outspoken person, and he's not gonna change that because he and Connor had a heart to heart. I feel like a big problem with a lot of characters who enter into a family dynamic is that sometimes their writers change who they are at their core in order to have them fit into a specific role in the nuclear family, and while yeah, Roy's absolutely playing the role of an older brother in this issue, he's still Roy Harper, which I think is crucial. And conversely, Connor also calls Roy out when he does something he doesn't like!

I'm running low on the photo limit so apologies for the quality of this collage, and I couldn't fit it in frame but for context Roy just knocked out a robber who Connor was trying to talk down. Connor explains to Roy his reasonings, and Roy apologises! I think this also highlights the differences in terms of their characters. They're both very protective of their families, but Roy tends to act first whereas Connor thinks things through. Roy saw Connor with a gun pointed at him and immediately took action, which contrasts Connor's reaction when Roy gets shot in Outsiders #6

Connor's more of a rational thinker in times of crisis, and he tends to try and think things through and avoid rash decisions, whereas Roy's very much an immediate responder if his family's at stake.

And then it ends with them actually acknowledging each other as brothers!

The ending of Boys' Night Out is so important to me, honestly, and it demonstrates one of the most important features of their relationship- trying to figure out what brotherhood means. There's not a big hug at the end, there doesn't need to be. Just an acknowledgement that they're in each others lives, that they're brothers, and it doesn't matter what that means. It's cool. I adore this issue so much, I had to make like half the post about it because it's so good and it's such a good example of why filler issues are needed. Sure, Williamson's run has it's sweet moments, but an issue like this where two characters just get to interact in a low stake scenario will always be so much more impactful than one hug in a big event.

So, yeah, I think my short answer sums it up pretty well. They're the brothers ever.

[snowblack-charcoalwhite]

Do you think that Aegon was whitewashed this season? As in, they realised they went too far with him in s1 and wanted to rectify it in s2 at the expense of other characters, mostly aemond and alicent. The problem is, you can't retcon everything. He is still a bully and rapist in show canon, but for some reason they now want to downplay it and focus on his incompetence, but also on him wanting to make something right while constantly being undermined by his family. I can't even enjoy such a confusing arc because it's inconsistent and manipulative. Also, it seems they wanted to nip Aemond's popularity and propping up Aegon at his expense apparently worked. It's true that TGC is extremely likeable, he was even in s1 when they wanted to show his character as a drunken rapist who doesn't understand consent, and he is now when they want to show Aegon as a tragic victim of his traitorous and unsupportive family. However, it's not enough to rely on actor's talent and charm when the writing is all over the place. Finally, I must say that I'm really disappointed with the green fandom, I even had to left their sub on Reddit because of the hate they constantly throw at Alicent and even more, Aemond. Like someone on other blog said, they never turned on Aegon after s1, they were relentlessly stanning him and blamed everything on the writers, but now won't do the same for aemond. Seriously, Aegon stans behave identically as Daemyra stans and that is something. It's sad because I've liked both since s1 but it's a fact that the green side of the fandom is much harsher and unjust to aemond, it's enough to check out the mentioned subreddit and some blogs here to get the picture.

Hello!

I think that Aegon's character was not so much whitewashed as used for a very unsavory purpose which was to make other Green characters, especially Aemond and Alicent look bad (here is the link to a post where I expressed my opinion on that matter). In order for that to work there was not a lot of actual embellishment needed - Aegon's story is a compelling and a tragic one as it is. The problem, however, lies in that the writers did their damnedest to use the most touching and relatable aspects of his arc to the detriment of other characters - who were supposed to love, cherish and support him.

As for the fandom reactions, I have always had an impression that among the hardcore TG supporters sympathies for Aegon run wider and deeper than for Aemond anyway. IMO there is a combination of various reasons at work here: him being the leader and the beating heart of his faction (in the book, that is), his incredible character journey, the way Tom's charm and charisma fill even the underdeveloped and kind of warped show version of Aegon with color and life (if we're talking about the adaptation) - and/or the simple fact that someone likes one character more than the other, sometimes even without being able to name a reason for it.

The thing is - while it doesn't sit right with me when people are not willing to cut one character some slack and at the same time cut the other (their favourite one) all of it - I can't really judge the favoritism per se: we are all human after all. What I do have hard time stomaching is the fans (in that case Aegon's - or more precisely exclusively or heavily prevalently Aegon's fans) being unnecessarily vicious about it.

As someone who loves both Aegon and Aemond, I for that exact reason have always felt disheartened by seeing fans of one Targtower brother shitting on the other one (or even worse, the fans getting personal with each other). Over the two years of being in the Tumblr fandom I have seen a number of posts made by Aemond's fans where they bashed Aegon by downplaying his good qualities and heavily focusing on the negativity ("useless drunk", "atrocious bully" etc) - and obviously have never agreed with them (to put it mildly) and am not about to start agreeing now. But - even in comparison with that - not even the amount of the posts but the intensity of the hate Aemond has been getting from Aegon's supporters is something else. And the worst part is that some of the posts I saw positively reek (sorry, I can't use any other word here) of schadenfreude. Guys, I understand the anger and frustration about having your character being heavily mistreated by the writers (which is exactly what happened to Aegon in season 1) - in fact I was right there with you when it happened. But now, when the exact same thing is happening to other character, maybe you can recall just how much it sucked and hold yourself back a little? Yes, Aemond is being brought down in great part by the script having him treat Aegon horribly, so your current lack of love for the former is understandable. But in season 1 the same was happening in reverse (although to a considerably milder degree - brotherly bullying, as shitty as it might be, doesn't equal an attempt on one's brother's life) - and in spite of some Aemond fans tearing Aegon to shreds in their blogs I personally saw far more people who like Aemond still expressing their irritation and outrage about the way Aegon was written in season 1. I am not trying to shut anyone up - but is making an effort to show some understanding and compassion for your fellow Greenies so much to ask? HotD has all but destroyed the Greens as a team and a family - but the fans don't have to (if you ask me - should not) mirror that atrocity.

[reirasheadcanons]

The hashira— and songs they could listen on repeat

Author's note: First time writing something about all the hashira at once, English isn't my first language so I apologise if I make any mistakes<3

Cw: slightly mention of death, sad flashbacks/backstories.

Hope you enjoy!!

Also, I'm free and open to all the requests and recommendations<33

Himejima Gyomei:

—Put your hands on my shoulder

Although it's quite unusual for him to listen to songs and all he has a favourite one.

I know you are probably thinking that this song doesn't quite fit with his vibe and all but you all are obviously wrong.

I believe it's a song near to his 'vibe'. I can imagine Gyomei listening to it one repeat (it's also kinda old fashioned and all).

Uzui Tengen:

—Hey Daddy(Daddy's home)

For some very obvious reasons, this song is all his.

Although, Suma was the one that firstly 'introduced' him to the song and he LOVED IT, he quickly became attached to music apps.

He was also the one who introduced music and Spotify to Rengoku as well as they made their own playlists together.

Rengoku Kyojyro:

—Where is smiley

As I said before, Tengen introduced him to Spotify and music and he basically made him listen to that song. Of course Kyo LOVED it from the beginning.

After his missions he gets back home and shows to his little brother all the songs he likes. They also listen them together.

After Kyojyro's death his brother was sitting all alone, listening to his favourite songs wishing his big brother was with him.

Iguro Obanai:

—Something about you

Yeah he listens that song because it reminds him of Kanroji. He is crazy in love with her and everyone can see it—expect Mitsuri—.

I can also imagine him listening 'Les' by Childish Gambino. In general, he can listen to all love songs about a guy who loves a woman but can't have her because he's a mess and all.

Although he grew up being afraid of women, she was the exception. He wants her to know that. For him, she is different.

Mitsuri Kanroji:

—Not allowed

Hear me out on this one.

I know it may not match her cute vibe and aura but I can literally imagine her going crazy over TV girl.

She maybe listens to a lot of love songs and all but I wanted to put something different that she may actually listen other than basic love songs.

Kocho Shinobu:

—Gilded lily

She relates to the lyrics way too much. All her life she tried to stay perfect and conscious. She was just a little girl when she lost everything.

Her parents, her sister, her happiness. Everything that kept her alive just disappeared.

The song symbolises her life. She lost everything in a blink of an eye and after all of that trauma she 'came back to life' as a whole different persona.

Shinazugawa Sanemi:

—Everything I ever wanted

He killed his own mother in order to protect his younger siblings. If he had a chance to go back in time and examine the whole situation, maybe he and Genya could be dead.

He blames himself for everything that happened that day and he wishes to change everything.

That song helps him keep going, trying for a better future as well as it makes him remember all the good memories he had with his siblings back then.

Tomioka Giyuu:

—The night we met

One word. Sabito. Yep, this song was for him. His one and only favourite childhood friend.

As a child, Giyuu was really introvert and always scared. His backstory, his parent's and sister's death led him to be that way. He lost his sparkly gaze, his innocence.

For the first time he met Sabito, he felt relieved—as if they were meant, as if they were destined to meet—. Losing him too, destroyed him even more.

Muichiro Tokito:

—New person

As the youngest hashira, he had experienced trauma in a variety of types—both psychological and physical—.

After his twin brother's death, he changed as a person. He lost himself and he couldn't remember even the slightest thing about his past. For him, that song 'wakes up' an known feeling inside him.

Listening to music all by himself on his mansion calms him down, making him forget all the pain and stress he's been through.

[thatboleyngirl77]

Scorpius-Core songs

Okay, so I saw Harry Potter And the Cursed Child (parts one and two) today, and Scorpius was INSTANTLY my favourite character. Also, WHY IS SCORBUS NOT A THING!? I was watching the whole time, like "surely, they'll end up together" well, nope 😭

So, anywhizzle, I found three songs that I think really suit him:

3. When He Sees Me (Waitress)

I just think that this song applies to him since he's so nervous about making friends, and Dawn's personality shows in this. Also, the line "Usually facts and figures" truly emphasises that he is a nerd. 🤓

2. Let Me Make You Proud (Tangled The Series)

Although the song was originally written for someone wanting to make their father proud, I can imagine Scorpius singing this while he thinks of his deceased mother, trying to do what she would have wanted, and not falling into darkness.

"I long for that look of surprise when you see your son rising at last."

He thinks no one believes in him, so just wants to prove something to them. He's used to having people not expect much from him other than trouble.

Good Kid (The Lightning Thief Musical)

I hear this song and Scorpius is PERFECT for it (besides the six schools in six years, but that could just link to the difficulty he's had making friends).

"everything I every do is wrong, never find where I belong, everybody on my case"

This is so true for Scorpius because since his father was Draco Malfoy, people will always assume the worst, therefore everything he does will be classed as wrong to society. Because of his heritage, no one will let him forget who he is, much like how Albus can't stop being reminded that Harry Potter is his father, which is a large reason why the two work so well- since they both just want to live a life out of the shadows of someone else.

"I keep my head down, I keep my chin up but it ends up all the same with "Pack your bags, Percy you're always to blame.""

No matter how much he tries, even if he follows all the rules, someone will point out his mistakes. Draco literally pinned him to the desk during the future non-reality when Voldemort was in power.

"I never try to do anything I never mean to hurt anyone I try, I try to be a good kid. A good kid. A good son. But no one ever will take my side all I ever do is take the fall I swear, I swear that I'm a good kid. Guess I'm good for nothing at all."

THE REPETITION IN THIS IS SO WONDERFUL FOR CAPTURING HIS DESPERATION TO CONVINCE PEOPLE HE'S A GOOD PERSON!!! Also, "Guess I'm good for nothing at all", is heartbreaking and really looks into how deep the bullying might go, both in school and at home.

Skipping to the end, we have this quote:

"I swear that I'm a good kid, a good kid, whose had a bad run. All I need is one last chance to prove I'm good enough for someone." 💔

Even if I wasn't relating this to Scorpius, that part is just so raw and truthful. In Scorpius' case, he wants to show how he is his own person. He cares for everyone, but gets nothing in return.

Anyway, those are my thoughts!

[cygninae]

You said you like Stranger Things in one of your asks, who's your favourite character? Also which character do you personally most relate to and which character do you find the most interesting and/or complex (and please feel free to elaborate in great detail!)

Hello, thank you for the ask! This is such a hard question but I'll try to answer to the best of my ability.

If I had to choose, my favourite character is probably Nancy. I mean, she's just really cool. I love how she's evolved over the seasons and how it reflects on her physical character design (hair, costume, etc). I love how she interacts with the people around her because it is so interesting. For example, in the fight she has with Jonathan in S3, she is trying to show him the misogyny she's been facing and is getting extremely frustrated at him for not seeing it, but at the same time she is blind to the classism he's facing and his difficulties with his poverty. She didn't have ill intentions, she just felt so so strongly that she became sort of tunnel-visioned. I love her passion, how she sees everything around her with a need for justice, how everything is worth her time because she wants to know things. I LOVE that her career goal is a journalist because I could truly see her thriving in that when she finds a niche. I can't wait for her to leave Hawkins and go to university and find herself because she has this potential, this spark that makes her so unique from the other characters to me. Whenever she's on screen it's HER scene, you know.

Funnily enough, the character I would say I relate most to is Jonathan. Or kind of a mix between him and Nancy. He also has this immense passion, like Nancy, but his is like a precise volt of energy into his photography and he hides this passion beneath a dark exterior that he hopes will ward people off. I may be a terrible photographer, but I relate to the concentration of all of your fervency into this one part of life that gives you a sense of being needed. Jonathan needs to feel needed. We can see that in how he's falling off the rails in S4, because his brother doesn't really need him anymore - Will is growing up, Nancy is busy in a whole other state, El has Will and Joyce - and Jonathan is lost without being needed by these people, so he turns to weed for an escape because it stops him thinking. (BIG FUCKING RELATE).

I fucking love Jonathan. I need him to catch a break because he's been through so much. Anyway, I'm not sure what else I can say about him, because there is SO much. I could make another post about Jonathan if anyone would be interested - I could make it far more organised than this.

You also asked who I found most fascinating, but I suppose I've sort of covered that, so I'll just ramble on a bit about some pairings I like? (You invited this I'm afraid.)

As one may guess I absolutely love Jonathan and Nancy. I don't think their relationship is the healthiest but that doesn't stop me being obsessed with everything about their pairing and the aesthetic of it. I think daily about that scene of them lining up their scars. What they want through was unique to them and they found themselves in each other when the trauma made them feel alone. They wound themselves together because all of their pain was reflected in eachother - and while that's not a great reason to start dating, I truly think they fell in love with eachother as they did this, and I can't blame them for wanting to find the slightest bit of comfort after what they went through. I love how dark and twisted the reason for their love is. I love how softly they hold eachother despite it. I love how they talk about the other when they're not there, how despite all of the darkness in their lives, they're eachother's anchor to the real world. I love how their career goals line up, the journalist and the photojournalist, and I love how Nancy brings Jonathan's passion out of him and let's him show it in front of her without being afraid of being judged, and he let's her follow her dreams, her thirst for knowledge, even if it means him losing the one girl who makes his life worth living. He's willing to leave her life if it means she can live it fully.

Anyway, some other dynamics I like are Will and Mike - romantically, Lucas and Max - romantically and Will and El - sibling dynamic. I really do hope Mike and Will can get together in the final season, because I think it would draw the show to this really nice close. Yes, the freak can have his true love. He can be loved because he is a freak, he is different - they're both different, but with eachother they're Kings of the world. Society's expectations don't matter when they have eachother.

With Max and Lucas, they are just so sweet. Lucas might not fully understand Max's depression and grief, but he wants to understand it. Something about that complete devotion, even when Max isn't being herself, just pulls at my heart. I really want an unconditional love like that. Max might've thought that Lucas was changing, that he wouldn't care about her after becoming popular - but then he's there, when she's almost died because of Vecna, and he's telling her I'm here, i'm here, I'm here, and he's holding her so tight that she can feel that he won't let anything happen to her. They are just like... soulmates. Seriously. They fit together like puzzle pieces and they NEED eachother. I really, really hope Max is cognitive in S5 because I need her and Lucas to just talk to eachother and hold hands and be teenagers in love despite the world falling apart around them. Yeah.

Sorry if I didn't make much sense, once again i wrote this all with no structure and just spoke my mind so it may seem disjointed. Hope I answered your question though and made it a bearable enough read.

[coralpolyp]

The Complete Works Vol 2: All my Favourite Songs

Cover I did for the fic in Procreate - fully painted by myself this time, instead of rearranging official assets like I had done for Finding the Flow. Again, formatted to be Wattpad-sized, just in case I ever ended up stooping that low.

Welcome back to The Complete Works! This is part two of a two-part archival project I'm doing, where I gather together every piece of unreleased Splatoon writing I've ever done that does not pertain to an ongoing project, and put it all up publicly on AO3, alongside my own personal reflection on it, both over there and over here - what worked, what didn't, why I didn't finish it, and how it influenced what came after it. And I mean everything - full multi-chapter sequences, half-written chapters, plot outlines, one-sentence headcanons, and French revision, it's all here.

All My Favourite Songs

Started: 8th July 2023

Abandoned: 7th December 2023

The fic itself: AO3

Unused content/Complete Works: AO3

At its core, All My Favourite Songs is a very angry story.

It started as a spiritual successor to Finding the Flow - the further my interest in telling Marina's story waned, the more fascinated I grew with this tiny subplot about Harmony being in a constant war with her own neurodivergence rather than working with it, trying to make her way in a field that people of her species are largely unrepresented in, and being in love with her guitarist. What started as "when I'm done with Finding the Flow I'll make a 3 part Harmony story with a similar ethos, and have the two intersect near the end" turned into "I can't be bothered with Finding the Flow lets just get straight into it", with the 3-parts idea being dropped somewhere along the way.

When I was working on this story, I think what excited me was how subtly offensive it all felt, especially with Harmony as a protagonist - the chapters I actually have to show for my time invested in this one present a scrappy, endearing and deeply relatable character, plagued by misfortune beyond her control, and yet later scenes would go on to depict this character that should be "just like you fr" as sad, pathetic, obsessive and a borderline creep - and then somehow go on to bring her back from the brink.

The main thought I had on my mind at the time of brainstorming this one was, in effect, a strange contempt for "losers" - people living under unfortunate circumstances who are ready to just lie down and let it happen to them, letting the god in the machine take every last bit of the blame for who they've become, and inadvertently framing themselves as completely powerless to stop it, seeing as they supposedly did nothing to start it. In its most basic sense, Harmony's character arc is feeling irreparably broken, getting a serious reality check, and then still being irreparably broken but as happy under the circumstances as she possibly can be.

It was an incredibly convoluted serenity prayer, before I even knew what that was. It wasn't a story of "You've been dealt a bad hand, you may as well just give up", nor a story of "You've been dealt a bad hand - here's how to go back in time and get a new one that's way better", it's a story of "You've been dealt a bad hand, now what?"

The key word here, however, is "convoluted" - by the time I felt confident I knew where the story was headed it was just...too much...too much for me to write in my lifetime. Too much for anyone to really follow. It needed serious cuts, and I didn't know where to even begin with making them. In the end I just put it all to bed.

For all it's worth, this story still means a lot to me. It really solidified the ethos I try to carry in all my work of brutal realism and complete and utter greyness - no good guys, no bad guys with ideologies that I disagree with, simply a bunch of deeply flawed people just fighting for what they're pretty sure is right, and all equally capable of hurting other people, whether they realise it or not, or even if they do it in purpose. I don't believe its my job as an author to tell you what's good and what's bad, and make up a scenario to illustrate my point. Its always been my hope that, when I write, I am just showing the reader the world around me verbatim - even, perhaps especially, the bits that aren't pretty. I try to ask questions I genuinely do not know the answer to, because those are conversations I want to have. In some ways I almost feel a little disappointed with myself that I failed to realise this vision, but the simple fact of the matter is that I have a lot more faith in the things I'm working on now than I do the things I was working on then.

Outside of talking about plot, AMFS was, at one point, unique in its use of illustrations, being a picture book of sorts - its an idea that has always interested me, as I never quite understood why visual mediums such as comic books are perfectly capable of being mature, and so are literary mediums such as novels, but the intersection of the two, and having the best of both worlds, is apparently inherently childish. Of course, I would later realise that the "adult picture book" I was envisioning already existed in Japan and its called a light novel, but I still felt quite proud of myself at the time for having a go at it. It didn't quite work out, however - it was too big a time investment, even when I had undeniably slipped into creating rushed, poor-quality illustrations, and I felt that my technical skill with art was not yet up to standard with my prose, and combining them was inclined to make my work seem less serious than I wanted it to. It's an idea I still love, and still want to come back to, however.

This story is also responsible for starting my love of epigraphs and referencing songs in chapter titles. I'm not unique in this at all, if anything I've fallen into an amateurish fanfic-y trap, guilty as charged and completely shameless, but it's still worth noting when trying to evaluate what working on this fic meant for me.

What would have happened:

When writing volume 1, I condensed a 2000 word plot summary into 1000 words. The plot summary for this fic is 7000 words. Like I said, I was insane, its just too much. All I can really do is link the unabridged version here.

For more, read All My Favourite Songs and The Complete Works

The illustrations I did for this fic are in an older post on this Tumblr, linked here.

[nikeiyomiurioverthinker]

Nikei Yomiuri is literally my favourite character ever but I have a LOT of grievances with his writing

I could make multiple posts about it, honestly, but I am going to start with something easy and digestible for now, aka his FTEs

Surprisingly enough, I somewhat enjoy them, he is absolutely adorable in them most of the time, I love how genuinely excited he seems at the idea of someone being interested in him and wanting to know him and I like the fact that it ends with Sora calling herself his friend and him being genuinely happy of finally having a friend at all.

And I can't know for sure if it is on purpose or not, but if it is, it's also a case of brilliant writing on Linuj's part, because it also plays into Nikei's struggle of losing those he genuinely cares about and/or being betrayed by them. I think Sora using Nikei's hand to 'kill' Shinji and then trying to convince everyone that it means that Nikei's the real murderer hits much harder after the FTEs, because in this case he isn't just being blamed for murder, but he is also being betrayed by a person that he considered to be his first friend

I also am not too angry about the fact that we end up not learning his past, honestly. Like, yeah, does it suck that we don't know how he was saved and basically his motivation for even being in this game? Absolutely, but from a writing perspective, him not telling us anything is good, actually.

Because Nikei is, in the end, someone that was let down so much that he just can't bring himself to trust and be honest with other people. We still don't know how much of what we saw of him is real or not, how deep the lie that is his persona actually is, why would he go and tell someone his past so easily? If anything, Nikei's last FTE is a good base for an eventual reveal: after Sora has effectively become his friend, he can then begin considering if he wants to open up to her or not.

Which is why I think that him almost confessing and then taking it back at the last second was a weird choice, personally. He has been betrayed by the people that he subconsciously considered his friends and his immediate reaction to this new girl that calls herself his friend is to try to score a date? It feels forced, like Linuj just wanted to add yet one more conquest to the Sora harem.

Personally, I would have had him go something among the lines of "If you are my friend, then maybe I can tell you..." and then having him shy away, showing that he does trust Sora a little bit, but that he still needs time before he actually opens up completely. And maybe that could have been picked up in chapter 4, where you have an event with only him where he explains you his backstory.

I do have other problems with his FTEs though, one of them being his pervertness. Don't get me wrong, nothing is wrong with him being a pervert, that doesn't automatically make him a bad character, but the problem is that this part of his character is effectively non-existent outside of his FTEs. Other than him asking Sora her cup size, I cannot think of any other case in which he makes a dirty joke, or even blushes or gets flustered at others saying sexual things or literally any of the shit Mikado pulls. Even in the woman's fantasy, he doesn't look embarrassed or tries to get the girls to join in, rather just being angry at them. It came out of left field and never made an appearance again, and that just bugs me.

Another problem I have with his FTEs is mostly related to bad writing decisions when trying to give Nikei motivations to become a journalist. Let me preface this by saying: Nikei's reason for being a journalist is the power that the job allows him to get over other people. He is obsessed with the idea of being in control, and nothing screams control like having so much dirt on people that they bend over backwards to do as they're told in exchange of not getting cancelled or, worse, thrown in prison. Nikei is not a good moral person, he only wants to be on top of the food chain.

(And there is also the external reason that Linuj needs as to why Nikei is the former leader of the CoU, and him being a journalist and so having the most information just makes sense)

(I also headcanon that he is autistic and interviewing is his special interest, but I can make a whole post about my headcanons for him on a later date)

Of course, we can't have him tell that he is an amoral dickwad to Sora, so we need other motivations, which are that 1. He wants to do something he believes he can excel at and 2. He wants to do something that allows him to show off his right hand.

Both of those reasons suck.

He is not good with people, clearly, as shown by him immediately asking Sora her cup size after she agreed to an interview and also his large amount of sprites where he doesn't look people in the eye, and talking with others is kind of a big deal for journalists, and the entire right hand motivation is stupid because journalism is not the job to show your sick handwriting skills, and taking notes is not even necessary because journalists are all but required to have recording devices on themselves and they are not even all that expensive to buy. If he truly wanted to show off his hand, calligraphy would have made a thousand times more sense as a talent.

(which he also supposedly has, Linuj has stated that his handwriting is nice and crisp and he takes his notes in cursive like the pretentious asshole he is)

The problem with these motivations is, if they were shit that Nikei made up on the spot for Sora, I wouldn't complain, but they are also used to introduce his obsession with his right hand, which is very much real, so it is implied that the motivations he gave, while not the whole truth, are also not lies.

And I have already explained how those reasons don't make sense.

In short, his FTEs are enjoyable if you want to see Nikei Yomiuri being cute, but they are not useful for anything else other than pandering and when they try to do anything else, they pretty much fail at it.

So, I'm giving them 3/5 stars because I love being pandered to

[klinefelterrible]

When I was a boy I had two favourite Disney movies on VHS and they were Robin Hood and the Beauty and the Beast. My mom used to call me a beast because she thought it would be nice to somehow make it relatable to me, I know parents do that all the time. I had a cousin who loved Barney Rubble so much he managed to wear that one T-shirt all the time and if his parents wanted him to wear literally anything else, he cried so hard he ripped his hair out. But anyway, my two favourite movies back then were this:

And this:

And even though I knew it was proper for me to be more like those guys (I had "Jungle book" too)

I couldn't help but feel that on the very inside I am (although back then there was no concept of transgender or gender and I was a very rational person and smart and I didn't like nonsense and saw through lies instantly), I should be and want to be more like them:

I mean fucking seriously how can one show a sensitive male child this story and expect him to fucking put themself into a fucking frame of Beast Who Was A Shit Person And Needed A Redemption when all he was feeling like A Young Cute Weirdo Who Liked To Read And Was Somehow Detained By This Asshole Monster Forever

And to this day I have this feeling like what the fuck why and for what were you fucking making me be this tough person when at the same time not fucking noticing I was hiding inside this fucking shell of big smoking drinking cursing distrusting person

I feel resentment for my childhood because of so many reasons I can't even start talking about it, everyone wanted to shape me into their fucking imagination that didn't fit me at all and sometimes all I want is to live in some Neverland where there are no bad people who fucking judge you and tell you how you should live your life without actually helping to actually subordinate. Like it was them only telling me what should I be and not how should I do this in order to fucking make them happy and those expectations were so surreal I can't believe it actually happened and I didn't go mad.

Anyway now I'm 36, I have a collection of high heels I never could buy because I was always somehow controlled by if not my mum with whom I live in a flat then by the cleaning lady my mother hired for "taking care" of me but it wasn't care, more like low profile control over me, she went through all my wardrobe and my shit, cleaning everything and changing places of my stuff so even though I had money I had no place to just be alone and store my heels and I knew the cleaning lady was talking about people with other people because she told me about others and how should I get any privacy in a flat where everyone fucking hears everything and my mom fucking entered my room anytime she wanted anf if I went on a short two step walk in my room, she'd hear it or the neighbours would and those people were nasty as fuck and all of them drunks so I didn't want any trouble or gossip, also my mom was a abstinent and since she recovered from drinking she had absolutely no idea how to take care of herself, her teeth were ruined for the better part of my life so she practically never smiled, her clothes were so off fashion it was fucking sad to see her on an official party or any type of family gathering and boy her shoes were a fucking disgrace. I never had a proper female model to look up to with my inner woman so I became a slob like she was and I don't blame her for being a workaholic as her mother was exactly the same. But there was I, with these things I'd like to do or be but everyone was looking at me, everyone watched me like a hawk (my family was and still sort of is sort of famous in my hometown) so I didn't feel safe to he myself for the bigger part of my life as it was never comfortable for me to just be me, and I have this feeling like since I have this dissonance of self, the one where I do look and feel like a man —a manly sort of man, tall with a beard, with all these erections and shit, especially after I was diagnosed with Klinefelter's and on testosterone injections therapy, basically making me this beast of a man now— and a girl —that was never able to be herself in fully, always hiding, always somehow bullied into being an inner part, always put into a box and into a box and a box inside a box, unable to become anything serious (because how exactly? when you're 1.90m and weight over 100kg you're not going to be a cute 1.60/50 girl, not now not ever) — and a third person, like a compromise between a man and a woman, a man with a woman inside, refusing to be a woman because of not willing to be a trans weirdo (as I saw myself in correlation back then and still sort of imagine myself like on and can't help it) with people suddenly made all these questions like why how and saying shit like you never were a girl or we never knew that shit and I just want to be spared of it, so I am now this testosterone dripping, horny all the time big guy who only wishes these things from my head to be over, I mean all those BE THIS and DO THAT and THAT GUY LIKES WHIPS HE'S CRAZY HIS STEPFATHER SAID HE'LL KICK HIM OUT and FAGGOTS ARE TO DIE and stuff like that and people still sort of are this way, not much because I live on my own now with my wife and that but all this shit still haunts me as i can't just stop remembering it and feeling that way and when people say "MAN UP" I ask myself how am I supposed to man up if I don't have any men to look up to, what am I supposed to do when I have no way to learn anything from those men i do know because they don't and won't have time for me plus I was in my hormones buzzing moment so all I wanted from anyone who wasn't related to me was a possible fuck so if there was a willing third party I would probably destroy every relationship between us with my drunken dicksucking advances or whatever.

So I didn't man up and didn't find a proper way of life because I was expected to go to the university and all I ever knew was some english and history and felt no interest in anything else and when I wanted to go to vocational school, they would fucking eat me alive: both my family, mother, grandmother (who hated each other in that particular passive-aggressive way and still do) and all those mean kids from vocational schools as there was a saying back then that if you want your kid to dig ditches, send him to vocational school, where people start a day with fighting, drugs and fucking 'you name it from some hell depiction'-thing. So I went to high school as expected, and then to university, as expected too. Of course my mom and grandma expected me to go to some other school, but I didn't want to so I didn't. They were disappointed. Then I chose the university they wouldn't choose for me and the major that also asked a lot of questions but I was somehow free and ready to become an alcoholic (whom I didn't because as I said before, I was a rational kid) but I felt their breath on my neck. BE THIS, DO THAT, YOUR COUSIN IS IN THE CAPITAL AND IS THE BEST, AS HE ALWAYS WAS, THAT DAUGHTER OF YOUR FATHER'S SECOND WIFE IS IN A COLLEGE LEARNING ENGLISH AND WENT TO AUSTRALIA WITH HER UNCLES AND WHAT ARE YOU NOW WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE

So I live my life not meeting expectations as they were too high for me, I couldn't focus really and they didn't actually force me because I think they didn't care or feel like actually making me do stuff but they talked and talked and made me angry inside so much I still am angry at myself for not being as good as I could be and that makes me sad because I could have been relatively happy, living on my own, working somewhere and doing something if only my grandpas didn't die so early or there was a way for me to be not noticeable or recognizable everywhere and why the fuck all of this had to happen I am sick of it, of my life how it went and yeah there were nice moments but all of them were in this tar-like grief, this greyness of people's looking at me and fucking telling me how my father was like and what my mom a superstar she is and it all told me that I am nothing and I lived in a pause like I felt they're watching me every step i took and since my family had some money people were taking advantage of me and I understand the Jungle Law and the hate towards the rich from those poorer or not advantageous ones, especially on a big block of flat neighbourhood, yeah, so it was not a good place for me to develop my inner woman and making her my outer person because I would probably end badly with my throat cut or raped or whatever. And yeah it was always a fear of mine that I would be robbed or beaten or fucking threw into basement and shit on by some nasty people and all I ever felt was the fear of what would my mother do and will she fucking go back to drinking again and how will she always fucking never ever leave me alone, always being somewhere near I WOULD RATHER FUCKING DIE AND I MEAN IT

but yes, this is my rant and yes sometimes I just wish it all to be over all of the sudden, a meteorite bullseye's me in the head, 1/10000000000 situation and what you can do. My wife would end up with all my stuff, my money and my mess but she'd be alright, so would be my mom hopefully but you never know about her, but anyway not many people would remember me a year or two later. So fuck them.

I remember there were times that all I wanted to do was mention my mom's need to go to the dentist and she stopped talking to me for days. My grandma used to call me twice a day, relentlessly, neverending talks about people being satisfied with their life and successful and me hearing this everyday, plus of course HAVE YOU BEEN TO THE CHURCH and all that and... I don't feel like writing it anymore today

It needs to be mentioned that I hate myself almost everyday but rarely the current day, I mostly regret being alive the day before or some other day from my past and I really do hate me from the past, including me from last week or month.

[madamefeu]

Seeing you rightfully call out the utter bullshit of Akito's "redemption" has me heated. The story becomes irredeemably bad the moment the forgiveness shit is pushed. Takaya is on my shit list for life for how she handled Tohru's character, she is my favourite I love her compassion for people and her determination to never give up despite how difficult things can be plus her learning to move on from her crippling grief resonates with me. The ending Takaya gives her is fucking vile Tohru forgiving and befriending Akito is bullshit and my mind is never going to change on that. The sole reason Tohru wants to break the curse is because she sees how much her friends are suffering under Akito's abuse both mentally and physically. She would never be so inconsiderate of their feelings as to befriend the person who hurt them so much. That's not even getting to my other major problem with this storyline Tohru never even learns about half of the horrific shit Akito does to her friends, Takaya intentionally has her character be left in the dark. Not to mention how abusive akito is to HER!

She manipulates her the first time they meet and then at the beach house she threatens her and scratches up her face. Tohru outright admits she is scared of her. Then towards the end of the story akito then has the audacity to blame her for the zodiacs not loving her despite that being the consequences of her own disgusting actions. She shows up at the house to hurt and potentially kill Tohru, she slaps her multiple times, stabs her and pushes her close to the cliffs end directly putting her in danger. Akito almost gets the poor girl killed. Akito spends the entire story being an abusive monster to Tohru and the people she loves. And nearly leads to multiple characters dying, Takaya really wants us to think a friendship Between the two of them is cute because they both relate to being lonely???? And that the characters apparently aren't that different to each other???When they clearly are. Tohru is a kind and compassionate person who helps those around her while Akito is a manipulative snake who treats those around her like they are her possessions. Tohru grows up being bullied and alone. Akito is a child abuser and commits multiple attempted murders. Trust me Takaya these characters aside from them having tragic backstories and fears of abandonment are as far away from each other as you can get. The friendship is disgusting, Akito is an evil bitch period she is not Tohru's problem or her responsibility. Also Uo and Hana being friends with her after they find out she nearly killed their best friend and Kureno was also so gross. The characters do some of the most OOC shit in order to give Akito one of the least deserving redemption arcs i have ever seen. It is truly some of the most atrocious, insulting writing, Takaya should be embarrassed for thinking this was an acceptable way to end the story.

I haven't read the spin off but Akito having a child just reinforces that she is still the same selfish person she has always been. Her wanting to have children but deciding not to because of how they would suffer due to her terrible actions would actually mean she has to live with the consequences of what she has done. but of course we can't have that. Anyway i just wanted to vent because I love this story but the ending will always leave a bad taste in my mouth. Tohru and the others deserved so much better for all the abuse they endured and Akito should rot in prison for her crimes. I really don't care that the final message is meant to be about forgiveness some things are just inexcusable. If you are reading this hope you have a nice day and thanks for listening.

100% agree with every single thing you said. Akito deserves nothing but a lengthy jail sentence for everything she’s done. She gets away with everything, and does nothing to deserve anyone’s love or forgiveness. Screw her, and screw Natsuki Takaya for being such a blatant abuse apologist.

[husbandohunter]

Moments of Despair #1 [Genshin Impact/Diluc x Reader]

Synopsis: “The man who was on fire and realized it too late.”

(A series of works where the boys deal with the passing of their beloved).

Albedo's despair

Warnings: angst, tragedy, major character death, graphic depictions of violence perhaps

(A/n): Had these ideas for a while after reading @/serensama To Mourn series of another fandom. So much sorrow and feeling I just was inspired to write 😫

_______________________________________________

The moment you fell lifeless in Diluc's arms, he wanted to disappear.

It was raining again, he had always despised the rain. How it trickles down the slope of your cheek, like tears falling from the heavens. The sight of it mixing with your blood creating a thin stream of red rivers flowing beside him. They patter down obnoxiously because time didn't care, the gods don't care, the world didn't care. You were just a small fragile person to their eyes but to him you were his light. A candle that used to shine in his dark world was now dissipitated by the waters of reality.

Many droplets have passed and he was still holding you. Diluc could do nothing but stare. He hadn't shed any tears nor could he make a coherent sound. Perhaps it was because his tears have long run out when his father was held in the very same way. Or it was because he was heartless. He's usually told for being cold and indifferent. But the pain clenching in his chest was proof that he still had one (proof that it was still beating), much to his dismay. It would be better if he didn't.

So why can't he just look away? Your wounds, your bruised features, everything now etched so deep into the back of his conciousness that is was starting to awaken his worst nightmares. They were the source of the bile growing in his stomach. The irony stench filling up his nostrils felt so sickening. He couldn't turn away. You're dead. You're dead. You're dead. As if reality had yet to register, or maybe he refused to accept it, Diluc helplessly gazed down your body with blank and empty eyes.

"Master Diluc..."

Jean's voice called out to him pitifully. He rises up with his back turned, ignoring the stares given to him, "Leave. The knights of favonius are not needed here."

"But she's a Mondstadt citizen," The anemo user retorts, slightly taken aback by his impassive reaction, "It's my responsibility to ensure this case doesn't go unnoticed."

Unnoticed. Diluc scoffs in his mind, what a tasteless joke.

"It seems you weren't listening," he announces as his head was turned ajar so they could see the deep hatred glowing red in his eyes, "Leave. Now."

Jean's lips trembled before barely being able to say, "Alright" and retreating her knights back to the city. Kaeya narrows his gaze at his bother, the sorrow was evident through his pupils. He steps forward until he was arms length away from his brother. Too little too late, another failure was added to the belt.

Kaeya was a man of many words but for once he was at loss of what to say. No underhanded suggestions, no ideas taunting him to spill his thoughts, he simply asks Diluc, "What are you planning to do now?"

Silence. Kaeya couldn't predict what sort of expression his brother was making as he looks at your corpse. It brought a heavy weight of unsettlement upon him and here he thought he had already grown used to his brother's quietness.

Slowly, he turns around while letting the water pour down his face. Kaeya tightens his jaw as Diluc drags his feet towards him, stopping when their shoulders were parallel, "It's none of your concern."

"You're just going to leave her here?"

There was a slight pause which was enough of an answer. The Cavalry Captain sighs when he watched him walk away, what was the point of asking when Kaeya knew Diluc so well? He glances at your form before swiftly shutting his eyes.

It was his concern.

-------

A week later, the staff of the Ragnvindr household could hardly recognize their Master's appearance. They knew not to bother him when he decides to lock himself in his chambers. Diluc drowns himself with work from hours to no end as he connects the findings of the person that took your life. As expected, it was one of his enemies- a fatui member. The question was, which one?

"Master Diluc, I beg of you, please take care of yourself," Elzer pleads.

The pyro user didn't bother to spare him a glance or look at the tray of food he carried.

Food...you always brought them whenever he had to work overtime.

"I do not remember specifiying anyone to be allowed in my office," he voices aloud, "If it's related to business affairs simply leave that with Adelinde and I'll take a look at it tomorrow."

"I understand. But you've been working all day and night yet refusing to take any breaks in between. At this rate, you'll harm your health."

The feather pen in his grip kept dragging it's course, "This is beyond the duties assigned to you Elzer."

"That's because it was a request sent by your father," he adds, knowing that stepping over his boundaries may cost him, "If Master Crepus was still here, I'm sure he would have said the same thing."

Taking a deep breath, Elzer lays out his last card, "And also your wife."

The pen slows into a halt.

No one had brought you up until now. Elzer anxiously watches his Master shifting in his seat, his red bangs covering half of his face but he could still see the frown pressing firmly on his lips. It wouldn't be a surprise if Diluc suddenly bursted at him for mentioning such a sensitive topic, all that matters was his master's well being and Elzer was willing to risk everything for it. But nothing. Diluc turns his attention ever so slightly at the tray he carried.

"Fine, but I'm not eating that."

"What? Wasn't this was her favourite-"

"Do I need to repeat myself?"

Elzer furrows his brows before sighing, "...No, Master Diluc."

He exits the room while carrying the fresh dish of Once Upon A Mondstadt that you loved so much. The door closes with a soft click and he was alone again.

People found it strange how Diluc seemed so vacant to your passing. He didn't even show up at your funeral. Instead, he continues his duties as a Mondstadt nobleman like usual while taking care of business matters associated with the winery. Except those who were close to him could see the difference in his actions. Apathy, he was so mechanical in every task he did. Like a marionette attatched on strings, a doll without a soul. After all, his soul died the moment when yours did too. What remains was a shadow of Diluc and a being existing solely for revenge and duty. He was nothing but a remnant.

Fatigue begins to wash over him and he fights to stay awake. Because once he gives in it will all be over. Once he closes his eyes, he would see your face with a multitude of images from the past. He would hear your voice calling out his name from a distant space as it echoes off the walls of his mind. He would fall into a dream where you were still with him and as always, waking up to see that it was never real.

I should have pushed you away.

Because what hurt Diluc the most wasn't that you were gone, rather, it was how you were still here.

Then you'd still be-

Something breaks and it turned out to be the pen he was holding so tightly. Only now Diluc realized how fast his heart was thrumming as beads of sweat began rolling down his forehead. Focus. Don't waste time. He won't grant himself the liberty of anything when your murderer was still on the run. Every wound they inflicted on you was going to be returned in tenfold. He'll make sure of it. That's why, he refuses to think about you at all. Diluc occupies his mind with other matters since at this point, work was the only efficient method of keeping his sanity in tact.

She needs you to focus.

The door opens and Kaeya enters the room while holding a document, "We found the guy."

His reaction was immediate, "Where?"

"Hm, now that we meet, it's actually quite debateable," The captain notes wryly, "When was the last time you've gotten proper rest?"

"I don't have time for this, either you tell me or I'll do it by force."

Kaeya couldn't help but sigh, "Apologies but you don't seem to be in any state for a fight. I'm sure you know how it would end up if you were to face your enemy right now."

"..."

"Diluc, this isn't healthy," Kaeya asserts, it's been a while since he sounded so sincere, "I'm not here to prevent you from doing what's necessary however, perhaps it would be better if I finished it in your stead."

"No," Diluc stubbornly answers, "Hand that over."

"...Heh, then there's really nothing I can do to stop you it seems," he whispers with a sad smile, "At the very least, be careful."

"I intend to," The pyro user snatches the paper parchment out of Kaeya's hands before opening the window, "Also, if Elzer returns, tell him there's a few errands I have to take care of."

The night was a full moon and the sky was empty, Diluc leaps off the edge and disappears into the darkness. There was no telling of what could happen next. Since you weren't here, it was up to Kaeya to watch over him.

-------

The claymore dropped to the ground with a clang as it soaks up the blood of the fatui he just killed.

Diluc was tired, so tired.

He slumps down against the wall from pure exhaustion, all that adrenaline and hatred went up in fumes, leaving behind whatever was left in his heart: nothing. Two hours, not even that far from Mondstadt, the fatui hid in an abandoned building as he cowarded for his life. When Diluc arrived, he never expected this monster to be so weak. This was the person who murdered you? A pathetic nobody that was simply following orders? This was the reason why he lost you forever?

In the end, the only one to blame was himself, for being weak and unable to protect you. He was supposed to be your hero ("Darknight hero," you'd always tease), the rock that shields you just as you had been the warmth he longed for many years, did he give you enough? Was this enough? He thought avenging your death would grant him a peace of mind and the justice you deserved but deep down, he knew it will never be enough when it comes to his love for you.

"Diluc."

He closes his eyes, he hears your voice. He was so tired, it wouldn't be a surprise if he started hallucinating.

"Diluc."

"I'm sorry..."

The man lets out a trembled breath as he apologized to the image of you in his mind. I'm sorry I failed you. They were repeated like a mantra in hopes to reach you somehow. Of course that was impossible, his feelings, his emotions, love and sorrow altogether will never reach you again. And your arms that once comforted him and brushed his hair with a soothing voice, saying everything will be okay, where are they now?

"Diluc."

"Stop," he didn't want to hear your voice.

"Diluc, I'm here."

"Stop..."

"Diluc..."

He jolts his eyes open and lets out a yell, what was he saying? He doesn't know. All he needed now was to drown out the fake voices mocking in his head. Diluc grabs the nearest object and shatters it against the floor, the dam was broken and it flooded uncontrollably, breaking everything in it's way. The abandoned house was filled with loud cries of a man sobbing with agony like a broken-hearted child. He crumbles to his knees and falls to his side, lifting his forearms while clutching his face.

And screamed.

Archons, what did he do to deserve this? Why do the people he cherish get taken away from him? Diluc never wanted to be the Darknight hero if it meant having his father perish in his arms. He didn't want the feeling of stabs against his chest with every breath he took. He didn't want to feel cold while knowing it was because you weren't here to hold him. He didn't want your voice, your pictures or your memory.

He wanted you.

"(Y/n)..." he chokes. Rolling to his back, Diluc moves his arms to cover his eyes, letting the tears run down to his ears, "(Y/n)..."

For who knows how long, he lays there in the abandoned building and mourns. Diluc doesn't have the strength to move from his position, he found himself staring mindlessly through the cracks of the roof when his voice had gone hoarse. The corners of his eyes still burned and his head was throbbing with so much pain. Maybe he should just stay here but the thought of being in the same room as your murderer was unfathomable.

Picking up his claymore once again, Diluc drags himself out of the door. Where would he go? It's not like he had a home to return to because home was when he was with you. A doll without a soul, the marionette moves as if the strings have commanded him to do so. Where ever it takes him, he didn't care. He just knew he had to go.

[woahtherebuckerino]

Fic Recs: Dream SMP

this fandom with its long and convoluted storyline is so amazing to me. i’ve loved following its journey, so now have some of my favourite fics!

Like A More Competent Orpheus by dauthamalettys

"So," Niki begins, staring down as she fiddles with her mug, "I've been thinking about–" "It didn't work," Jack blurts out, startling her somewhat, "Sorry. But it didn't, did it?" "No," Niki says, the corners of her mouth pulling down, "It didn't. Not even a little bit," – Rocketduo’s plan to kill Tommy with the nuclear test actually works, and when it solves nothing whatsoever (and Tubbo goes feral without his best friend), Jack Manifold goes on an epic quest through the underworld to bring him back to life and stop the imminent nuclear catastrophe. (I promise you, this is more a comedy than anything, but also there’s a fair amount of suicide talk. It’s not super graphic, but it's definitely there. Fair warning.)

this fic has managed to keep its comedic lighthearted tone whilst dealing with some heavy topics, and it is honestly hilarious. i love the expansion on limbo, the rocket duo moments and also the interactions with c!tommy & c!jack. it proves that nothing stops the jack manifold grind

Revenant by Bee_4

Jack Manifold will keep the fire burning in his chest, or he will die. This proves to be a problem when Tommy has been the thing keeping him burning for so long, but there is a solution to that, isn't there? Why not just... go back to hell, and pull Tommy out himself? What, like it could be that hard? (And hell, as always, reaches terrible hands back out for Jack.)

this fic has a very similar plot line to the previous one, however it is less comedic and much more descriptive and serious. i love all the ideas about what c!jack and c!tommy are like after being revived, and the imagery is so cool!!

Thank you, I’ll say goodbye now. Though it’s the end of the world, don’t blame yourself. by nb_stories

“T-0, greet your new friend,” Wilbur ordered. Tubbo continued to watch as the robot’s eyes lit up, the blue illuminating, showing that he had received the order. He bowed his head down slightly, before lifting it back up and smiling softly. The actions, the smile. It was extremely realistic. He didn’t understand how Wilbur had managed to make something like this. Especially in such a short amount of time. “Hello,” the robot spoke, his voice lively. It was slightly rough, not at all artificial, “I’m T-0, it’s a pleasure.” -- Tubbo just had to keep reminding himself of the fact. This was a robot, robots can't feel emotions. Robots can’t feel emotions, right? Or, the Dream SMP but Tommy is a robot.

i love the progression of emotions in this fic, as they become steadily more apparent within c!tommy as time moves on. this fic is also has lots of c!wilbur bashing, if that’s your thing. regardless it is brilliant and also tubbo pov my beloved

as though he could harness the sun by ThatWeirdGuyInTheBushes

religious tommy my beloved (a bunch of connected stories about church prime and related religions of the dream smp)

church prime lore is so intriguing to me, and this series expands upon it perfectly. there are currently two works in this series and they are amazing. this might be unnecessary, but warning for lots of religious imagery and symbolism

taller by shrugofgod

“We were friends, right?” Tommy asks, and it’s casual. Probably deceptively so. Ranboo frowns. “I mean, we're still friends,” he points out. “But differently,” Tommy insists. “Yeah,” Ranboo says, because it’s not like it’s not true. “A little differently.” -- Or, Ranboo and Tommy talk.

c!allium duo lovers come get your bread. this is a short and sweet canon-compliant fic where c!ranboo & c!tommy just sit and talk about everything they have otherwise brushed over. it’s great!

This Makes Exile 1000% Funnier by Crazy4abby

"Today, my friends take my place in exile to drive my friend Dream crazy. This one was insane so if you did like this one, please like and subscribe. I know people find me annoying at first so if you did enjoy this, please consider subscribing."

the crack fic of all crack fics. loving all of the character appearances, and c!dream’s slow descent into insanity

but i’ll figure out a way to get us out of here by itssideria

“He’s out, Wil,” he whispers, voice cracking on the second word. “He escaped, he—oh my—I can’t—I can’t do this, Wil, I can’t do it again, I know he’s your hero and I know you don’t believe me but he’s fucking, he was there, he was after me, and he’s hiding now, he’s waiting for you to leave me again—” “Dream’s out of the prison?” Wilbur asks quietly. Tommy makes a desperate, terror-stricken noise. “Please don’t let him get to me.” - (based off of tommy's stream from when dream breaks out. an au where he runs into wilbur instead of phil.)

c!crimeboys the beloved. the characterisation is on point and all of the descriptions are fantastic. what should have been canon

[escarlatafox]

penny for ur thoughts on aa dual destinies!

You First.

(Just kidding but man. I'm curious on your opinions and feel that anything I can say would be inadequate in comparison djdfjdfjh)

This ask feels intimidatingly broad to me because I rarely think about or analyse Dual Destinies, the game itself, as a cohesive whole, as opposed to being highly opinionated about so many individual but unrelated things underneath this banner of “Dual Destinies” that aren’t related or necessarily about the question of the game’s cohesive story and cases-strung-together in and of itself.

And Really, in my response here, while I certainly talk ABOUT Dual Destinies, it still feels like I haven't really Answered The Fundamental Question this ask you have bestowed upon me requests. I have no unified, cohesive, coherent thoughts. Only reactions and responses, a huge amount of which are just not even mentioned here because I already wrote too much because this game is my undoing <3

My reactions to the game seem to have purely been on two extreme ends of a spectrum of disinterest vs obsession at different points of the game especially during my first playthrough, leaving these two extreme points of view hopelessly biasing me beyond the ability to give a proper rundown/analysis of the game as a cohesive whole and present my thoughts. It feels like for some aspects either I don’t care enough to form much of a solid opinion that I can talk about or coherently word or I’m too obsessed to present my opinion in a manner sufficiently connected purely to the game in-and-of-itself as the topic at hand.

Probably immediately alienating a lot of Dual Destinies supporters right off the bat: the people that call Dual Destinies “boring”… I can’t even like say anything to that necessarily at least when they mean the EARLY cases. Because even when I was really far into my first playthrough it’s just like. Yeah. That was me. I wasn’t really invested.

Like even now I just can't really bring myself to care too much about the storyline contents of the wrestling case and Turnabout Academy and what have you, idk. It comes down to different people have different tastes and the actual content of those cases, on the face of it, just like... I don't really get very interested by it.

I thought Professor Means’ transformation when cornered was pretty fun though. That had my attention.

One thing I don’t really have any real beef with is the fact that the game decided to be its own thing. People point to and criticise Dual Destinies as this point of divergence in the series but – hold on I have some old discord messages I can post here

People point the blame at Dual Destinies as being the point of divergence but with me, the series diverged in 4. 4 is what gave us the massive timeline gap that introduced so many issues. I talk about not being particularly invested in my first playthrough of DD, but I say this as someone who was also not particularly invested during parts of AA4, and undeniably less interested than I was during my playthrough of the trilogy. In my eyes, AA4 had already “broken” a lot of things about Ace Attorney canon, so by the time Dual Destinies rolls around it’s just sort of like “sure do whatever at this point I guess”. An Apollo Justice sequel could have enhanced AA4 and could have been great in its own right. But I wasn’t that invested in the direction AA4 took to begin with, so… I don’t feel any great loss associated with AA5’s determination to be its own things that vocal portions of the fandom feel. I’m totally cool with AA5 trying to be its own mostly self-contained thing. At This Point, Why Not? Etc etc.

One thing I do dislike about Dual Destinies is… That’s Not Edgeworth.

Edgeworth was my favourite character. He shows up in Dual Destinies and he’s dead on arrival. He never was. He might as well not have been before he even arrived. #NotMyEdgeworth who is that????

For all the lambasting of the game and of Phoenix’s characterisation by the fandom it feels like people accept AA5 Edgeworth so uncritically and even just. Somehow manage to build a continuity between Edgeworth from the previous games and AA5Edgeworth and even look to AA5Edgeworth to build a basis of their understanding of his character and I’m always just like ???????

Okay, okay, I have to inevitably talk about The Ending Of The Game. That’s why you’re here that’s why We���re here. This is the big one.

People criticise a) the revelation about “Bobby” being the big bad as being a typical “cheap twist for shock value” villain reveal and b) the reveal that “Bobby” isn’t actually Bobby, but rather “some random nobody” to be “pointless”.

My response to a) is: I don’t care.

To elaborate a little further, my response to a) is: sorry it didn’t Do It for you, but I was having the absolute time of my life. It was thrilling. It was shocking. It was FUN. This trope exists for a reason and I can’t get enough of it – well okay, in the broader media landscape it has been a little overplayed in the present day, I’ve encountered instances where it felt forced or overplayed, and I get that. This is not one of the instances where I felt that way at all. Maybe it’s not your cup of tea, but it’s MY cup of tea and you don’t get to say it’s objectively bad or objectively pointless – of course there’s no such thing as objectivity when it comes to appreciation of tropes or art etc etc and so on. Things become cliches and things fall out of favour and what have you and the cycle goes on. Tropes exist for a reason. People like and dislike aspects of media for a multitude of different complex subjective reasons etc etc etc. I played Dual Destinies blind just as I’d played the other games blind and I got to revel in and relish the full force of the reveal as it happened. 10/10

If someone goes into this game already spoiled about the villain, I Get it. That would take a LOT of momentum out of the impact of the reveal. I’m extremely grateful I got to play it to the end blind. I don’t know how different this game would have been for me if I’d known about the twist beforehand.

People criticise spoiler culture a lot these days and there has been the argument raised that if a work is “ruined” by knowing a certain twist beforehand, then it probably wasn’t very good to begin with and that a work should be able to stand on its own merits regardless of whether spoilers are or are not known beforehand.

I understand the sentiment, but at the same time, while there are works you can enjoy regardless of whether aspects are spoiled or not, the type of enjoyment  - the type of experience you would derive from the work is still DIFFERENT.

And while yes, I think that spoiler culture is pretty Extreme in the present cultural zeitgeist and that some works don’t necessarily really need it, some works are genuinely better to consume blind because of how they function and what they do.

Part of what it comes down to is that I Had Fun. And I had fun largely because I didn’t know the twist was coming before it hit, and the impact of the revelation was fun. And you can pry that fun Dual Destinies twist villain reveal from my cold dead hands.

It’s part of where my investment in the game sort of flipped from 0 to 100. Okay that’s not quite true – there were all these whisperings about a “phantom”. The phantom theme played for a bit prior to the reveal which REALLY adds to hype tbh. The characters were discussing this absolutely incredible person who, in the absence of fear, was capable of making that massive leap high up in the air which would have required a running start. Where they could have easily fallen to their death had they not timed it right. We got to see that glimpse of them in the space centre footage where we just can’t quite see any real definitive facial characteristics. Just enough was being teased about the phantom that really, I was already well and truly hooked and fascinated by these concepts the game was bringing up. The aura of intrigue, of the notion that there lurks a spy amongus,

Yeah. Yeah.

My response to b) “the reveal that “Bobby” isn’t actually Bobby, but rather “some random nobody” is “pointless”.” Is…

Okay, while I wholeheartedly disagree with this sentiment, it’s funny to note first that I was somewhat inclined to agree with it in the immediate aftermath of the reveal. Like, we find out Bobby is dead, that Bobby was sincerely a good person after all it seemed, and tbh my sentiment was sorta like “damn. I wish Bobby WAS the evil one though. That’d be Cool. I want to see evil genuine Bobby. The notion excites me”. We got BAITED with the notion of an evil Bobby, smh (JK)

But anyway, when people try to “rewrite” or “fix” Dual Destinies and just…. Completely ignore Bobby/The phantom/scrap that whole aspect of the game it’s just like…….. It does not Compute. Like at that point, you’re not “fixing” Dual Destinies with its core premise and concepts and plotlines, you’re writing an entirely different game with an entirely different plot! People claim that Dual Destinies had potential and then set about seemingly doing their utmost to erase one of the fundamental aspects of the game that carried the MOST potential. It’s at that point where common ground I could have with that person breaks down completely and I’m simply left scratching my head.

I’ve seen people criticise Dual Destinies for refusing to reveal any of the phantom’s true facial characteristics or information about their identity and it’s like. Okay. Let’s actually examine that criticism realistically for a moment. So it’s the end of Dual Destinies. You learn that the phantom was just some guy called Jackson Morgan all along. The sniper shot happens. Jackson Morgan falls to the ground. We see they’re just some guy with curly brown hair.

What does this revelation realistically add to the game and its themes. What does this realistically accomplish. What do we stand to gain from adding this in.

Or, how would it detract from the game and the themes it raises, as it currently stands? What would we lose from its effectiveness?

We get No information about the phantom… and that’s the point. People argue that that’s pointless, that it’s a cop-out, that it’s whatever-negative-thing-have-you, and I’m just like… No??

And like, theoretically, we could have some sort of phantom-identity-reveal plot, but the simple fact of the matter is that there is not enough room left in the game to do so in any effective or meaningful way. It’s not what this game was for or what it set out to do.

Athena is a brilliant character to be contrasted against the phantom. Fandom loves Athena and they want to keep Athena. But what doesn’t seem to be acknowledged is what a good contrast against someone so centred around emotions like Athena that the phantom is. Athena feels and detects the emotions of others, meanwhile we have the phantom, someone who hardly has any emotions at all.

But fandom does not, for the most part, like the phantom. They consider the phantom a non-character in the strictest sense. They largely refuse to engage with the phantom as a character that Exists in this franchise.

To be fair, to an extent, so does Dual Destinies (and Capcom LOLLL), and that’s one of my criticisms of the game. Like, at times it really feels like the writers really have forgotten the truth behind “Bobby” and it feels like maybe they really did just write Bobby as authentic up until pasting a sudden twist onto the end.

But it’s like damn, you guys all have no idea how much fun you’re missing out on when you refuse to genuinely engage with the phantom as a character that this franchise has presented us with.

The lack of identity and lack of emotions are just such interesting themes. Emotions, identity, personhood, the concept of the self… I’m all about those themes.

Dual Destinies absolutely could have done a better job handling the themes and by god I wish it did. But I see the solution would be to have a more guided and cohesive focus on those themes building up to the introduction of the phantom revelation, not in seeking to erase the phantom from the story altogether.

People often criticise Dual Destinies for trying to be too many things at once. And yeah, that criticism is founded. There are several different ideas with potential for their own individual games all bundled into one singular game, and in many respects botched and/or poorly executed because they’re just not given enough room to BREATHE. The phantom as a character and the themes and concepts brought up BY the character is one of those things that was just not given enough room, and should have been a more coherent, focused site of exploration throughout the game so that the audience could feel a greater sense of thematic resonance with the reveal(s) towards the end of the game and all it entailed.

It just so happens that I am the ultimate sucker for the themes and ideas brought up by the phantom and their presence in the game. I eat those themes up like you wouldn’t believe, so Dual Destinies in a sense sort of cheated its way into making me completely obsessed in raising those themes in the first place, regardless of how much they were explored. The people arguing the phantom reveal on top of the Bobby-as-villain reveal is “pointless” are seemingly buying into the phantom’s assertion of their non-existence wholeheartedly and uncritically and without seeking to entertain what the game might actually be wanting us to be doing or thinking about with this set-up.

(I’m biased. I’m impossibly biased. I am ADDICTED to the themes the game flirts with. I can’t claim to know what the writers ‘actually’ wanted us to get out of this game at the end of the day. All I know is that I got so much out of it it’s insane. I owe so much to Dual Destinies it’s unreal.)

There’s a few layers to this.

Dual Destinies raises the following questions: what if there was a person who had no identity that they called their own, no emotions, no self. What would such a person be like? What would such a person be capable of? What could such a person do? Is the existence of such a person even possible?

The game doesn’t necessarily answer these questions. But it asks them. It presents its own tentative hypotheses.

These are fundamentally questions that dip into philosophy and science. Setting aside the question of identity for a moment, we can ask ourselves what a human without emotions would be like, what other parts/aspects of their existence would a lack of emotions affect? What does that tell us about the nature of humanity? What are human emotions intertwined with that would be impacted by their absence?

And that’s not to start on a whole host of questions about the topic of identity.

I don’t understand why most of the fandom doesn’t seem to find that remotely interesting??? The phantom is a wonderful theoretical case study. But I can’t see the forest for the trees, I’m too busy eating dirt tbh.

The game has its cake and eats it too because it never demystifies the phantom, leaving them an identity-less endless abyss of a character (which people accept uncritically as “oh so they’re not an actual character then and I should act as if they really don’t exist” without engaging with any deeper philosophical underpinning or significance of what it would even MEAN to be a conscious ‘identity-less being’) meanwhile the game never denies that the phantom really is a person. The game tells us a) they have some emotions b) that massive breakdown they have at the end. The game is saying yes the phantom is just another person at the end of the day. ‘You can’t outrun yourself’…

I have surprisingly few opinions on the way the game itself handled the phantom (besides wanting more foreshadowing and/or retrospective indication that "Bobby" was always being written with the phantom in mind as opposed to the phantom's existence not factoring into the writing process) or how it "should" have treated the phantom in the ending. Other phantom fans absolutely do have opinions about it. The reason for my lack of opinion in this area is my analysis on this front is that when it comes to canon content of the phantom I simply tend to accept their portrayal/scenes in the game as-is, and then proceed to analyse from there, as opposed to asking "what could/should the game have done differently?". I engage on a very Watsonian level in that particular respect, not a Doylistic one.

But I'm always down for hearing other phantom fans' takes on what the game should have done with the character. <3

Anyway I had literally only Just written up a kind of tangential thing today and yesterday so. I’m just gonna stick it here at the end of this post as a random Bonus. I was gonna think about messaging you about it or emailing it to you anyway Shoop ahhhhh <3 it’s not the complete text but it’s a relevant excerpt!

Here, just because your epic:

"The phantom’s claim that they have no subjective sense of self leaves them open to make claims of absolute objectivity – absolute neutrality - and control over expressed behaviour – to them, their entire life is performance itself. They are always mimicking, imitating, portraying the behaviour of others, and never behaving just as ‘themself’; everything intentionally (consciously) mediated.

The phantom’s denial of their own existence is an ontological absurdity on the face of it. While they surely would not deny their physical existence as an organism, they deny having any self at all. A purely Cartesian distinction is insufficient and still cannot account for them having only a body and no “mind” – the fact that there is a consciousness mediating their impersonations is contradiction of that; subjectivity is also an inevitability. It’s always come across to me like a strange/misguided attempt on their part seemingly to deny their own “Cogito, ergo sum”. The phantom is hardly claiming that they are a p-zombie. Even if they were completely incapable of emotion (which is born out in the game to not be ultimately true), they are capable of feeling physical pain and are just as conscious as any other. Not only that, but their very disposition requires them to engage in a complex, high-level way of thinking and awareness – their every move must be calculated. A lack of self is often associated with a lack of awareness and a lack of intent, which is overwhelmingly not the case here. The phantom is required to be far more aware of their behaviour than the average person.

You may argue the phantom denies not their physical existence as an organism, nor their consciousness, but a “self” more in a social/political/etc sense. But I consider such hopelessly abstract definitions of “self” to be far too artificial and externally imposed to the extent that they are undivorceable and inevitable results of the baseline “cogito, ergo sum.” To exist and to be a living, thinking, breathing, conscious being is to hold beliefs about the world around you in order to facilitate navigation of that world. To hold beliefs is to be of a certain orientation/inclination, and that is to be anything but neutral. Neutrality was never an option. A feeling of a lack of self is a feeling in and of itself. The lack of feeling is part of the constitution of the self to begin with. To have no self and yet to have a consciousness is a contradiction. The consciousness is evidence of the self."

[wingsyliveblogs]

Lilith's expression in the thumbnail can best be described as 'smug sister'. Like, she's not happy about the end result of Eda's curse, or how it's changing her, but if there's an opportunity to take some potshots at her sister's 'frailty' in some old-fashioned sibling mockery, then you honestly can't say Eda's not deserving of a little ribbing after everything she's done to Lilith so far, including leaving her as a dog last time.

1. It's true: that's the same expression she had back in Episode 5, too, when she was first talking to Eda. Without that context, it seemed a bit strange to me, but as soon as she showed up in the episode itself it immediately made sense!

And yeah, Eda did kinda have it coming after all the nonsense she's put Lilith through in previous episodes. At least it seems that she may have realised she's been going a bit overboard in this episode, since she managed to pull off a prank-free departure at the end for once.

2. That's an interesting idea! I'd generally assume that the idea of "eternal youth" would inherently guarantee safety from any potential effects of aging, seeing as Eda said she was going to get the flower so that she could use it on herself and prove Lilith wrong about her being a "tired old biddy". (Which essentially meant that not only was Eda twisting Lilith's words into something she never said, but she was implicitly confirming that she thought Lilith was right about her because she wanted to use the flower to strengthen herself and change the state she's currently in.)

But the title of the flower is quite specific, which does suggest that its effect might be limited. In the end, though, it doesn't really matter what the flower would theoretically have done, since it was fake all along.

3. I still think this is hilarious every time it comes up in any way. To be fair, though, Luz also thought Eda would eat her immediately after meeting her, so perhaps she just has that effect on people!

(I did find it interesting that King took Owlbeast Eda out in broad daylight and no one really seemed to notice until the parents of the children at the slayground complained. It didn't look as if King was being particularly cautious about having her go straight through town, so it would seem that, while people generally know about Eda's transformation, they may not automatically recognise her in Owlbeast form. It's likely been a while since she's transformed (in public), after all.)

4. Yeah, I can see that happening a lot! But this made me realise: in this episode Eda completely trusted Luz to look after the house, despite saying that she'd never trust Luz again if she messed up back in Episode 6... which confirms that she was just being dramatic back then, or perhaps that she's just a little more willing to trust the people she cares for than she wants to let on.

5. That's definitely one of my favourite things about their dynamic. It just feels so natural, you know? There's a lot of bickering and competition, not to mention the deeper conflict between them, but they really do care about each other underneath it all. As a naturally competitive person who has two siblings, I find it quite relatable.

One thing that literally occurred to me just now was that both of them were fully capable of summoning their staffs the entire time, as shown when they each did so individually later in the episode. But apparently, neither of them thought to do that when they were racing to get the flower, even though it would've made things way easier! Instead, they both just booked it on foot the whole way there. Really, can you blame me for thinking that they'd both fallen for the scam?

6-7. I did get the impression that Lilith was out of her depth in multiple ways during this episode; she didn't seem entirely prepared to deal with the forest, and she definitely wasn't prepared to deal with Eda! It's not surprising that she struggled with what was ultimately a pretty minor threat. While she could probably have freed herself if she had a moment to think, at the time she seemed more concerned about whether Eda would do anything, so it's clear that she wasn't really in a position to focus on dealing with the problem herself.

It's interesting that despite all their differences, one pretty big thing that Eda and Lilith have in common is that one of their greatest weaknesses is the people they care about. Whether it's through their loved ones being threatened or simply distracting them, the best way to get them to let their guard down is to get someone they're close to involved. It works nearly every time!

[gay-jesus-probably]

I'm not saying I wound up binging Squid Game but I wound up binging Squid Game, and here's my spoiler filled thoughts on the show:

I know this is a hellish murder facility, but damn if they didn't go off on the aesthetics. Those stairs, god damn. And the giant bunk bed dorm was cool as hell! Also while the coffins made to look like presents are super fucked up, I can respect their dedication to being fucking creepy, given that the present coffins all just go right into incinerators.

not to be dramatic but i would die for jun-ho

not to be dramatic but i would die for ali

not to be dramatic but i would die for sae-byeok

not to be dramatic but i would die for ji-yeong

I love them all so much and yes I cried over them

I also fucking love Mi-Nyeo, she was a chaotic delight, and she probably had one of the most badass death scenes. Big respect.

I don't hate Sang-Woo, but I also don't really like him. Like... I kept seeing hints of him being a decent person, but it was always buried under him being a colossal douchebag. Like, he was straight up scared for Gi-Hun during the first game, and before/after the second I could see how guilty he felt about almost letting Gi-Hun die by his own inaction, but like. Still. He's just such a douche. And yes I am still fucking furious about what he did to Ali, although I can't entirely blame him for taking shitty actions to save his own life. Also why do y'all keep shipping Sang-Woo with Ali, I'd say Ali had way better chemistry with Gi-Hun.

Cycling back to the aesthetics, god fucking DAMN this show had some fantastic cinematography. Like, I kept having these weird mixed emotions because I'm watching people being horrifyingly murdered, but at the same time holy shit the camera angles and framing and all? Fucking flawless. My favourite shot was probably the first death in the dalgona game, and how the body went down the slide leaving a blood trail. That was disturbing, and absolutely perfect. The visuals in this show are incredible.

The only visuals I didn't like at all was the riot scene, but that was just because that god damn strobe light made it impossible for me to see anything, I have NO idea what went down in that scene. I know Sae-Byeok had her switchblade and then lost it, and I'm pretty sure Ali was wielding a giant bar near the end (which was awesome), but other than that, no idea. I liked the bunk beds being knocked over though, that was pretty cool.

Okay but seriously you don't understand, I love Jun-ho so much. I have no words to describe how incredible his storyline was, and how much I love him. Also I can very much relate to his constant living nightmare of not knowing what the fuck is going on and just desperately trying to blend in with the crowd and hope nobody notices. That's a big mood.

I refuse to believe Jun-Ho is dead. It's not confirmed, which means he's alive as far as I'm concerned. Yes, he got shot and went over a cliff, but we didn't literally see his corpse, and in this show if we don't see the body, they're still alive. Also if there's a second season, him and Gi-Hun are the only protagonists left alive, and Jun-Ho is the only one that's still connected to someone running the game (since old man mcmurder fuckface is dead now). And I think that's going to be relevant, since In-Ho seemed pretty upset about seemingly murdering his little brother; if Jun-Ho turns up alive, I don't think In-Ho's going to be able to take the shot again.

I want some god damn answers about In-Ho by the way, there's a lot going on there. I'm also a bit confused about the timeline for the brothers, because In-Ho being a calm and confident Front Man implies he's been doing it for awhile, but at the start he's only just gone missing, and he won the game five years ago plus has a probably well paying job there now, but he lives in a tiny one room dorm and struggles to pay rent... I feel like there was some confusion with the writers about when In-Ho went missing. Also him leaving the card sitting in his room makes sense in the context of a player being surprise kidnapped by the game, but much less sense for an employee knowingly leaving to work there. So I hope some of that gets cleared up if there's a second season.

I just realized I've talked about every major character except Gi-Hun FUCK okay yes I do like him too, even though he's sort of a deadbeat. I'm probably the only person on earth who thinks Gi-Hun made the right choice by deciding not to go visit his daughter at the end. I didn't see that as him abandoning her, I saw that as him deciding to let go of his own wish to be a part of her life. At the start of the show he didn't want her moving to America because he was scared she would forget him; at the end he decides that it's for the best if she can just forget about him. She's got two stable and loving parents, Gi-Hun would only ever be a sporadic presence in her life at best, and he's about to make a lot of powerful enemies. He knows damn well how much danger he's in by trying to stop the games. It'd be a shitty move to try and reconnect with his daughter now when he knows damn well he could be killed next week and just vanish without a trace. Not to mention possibly putting his daughter and ex-wife in danger for being associated with him. Refusing to get on that plane was the right call.

I just generally like Gi-Hun, I think he was a good protagonist. Although I did like Sae-Byeok more, I liked how Gi-Hun struggled between wanting to help others and wanting to survive. Also his actor was really good at shaking in terror, that was always great. And I like how his story was always tied in with Jun-Ho's (since I'd call Jun-Ho the secondary protagonist), despite the two of them only speaking twice (and Gi-Hun not knowing that Jun-Ho was the square talking to him after the riot). It was great, and I really hope there's a second season so that their two storylines can come back together again. Also on the subject of shipping, I'm kind of baffled nobody's really shipping Jun-Ho and Gi-Hun, the whole connected storylines thing is normally shipper catnip.

I kind of hate a large portion of the fandom, because y'all are disturbingly obsesed with writing reader-insert fanfics of you being a player having romantic tension with the masked guards (???), or just generally wanting to fuck the masked guards (????????), or drawing the masked guards being just a bunch of silly little guys enjoying their fun shenanigans (??????????). I mean, good for you if you like that stuff, but I don't think Squid Game is really the show for you if that's the kind of fandom experience you want. I'm especially baffled by the love of the guards as a whole, because while their situations do seem pretty fucked up, that doesn't really change the fact that the most development we see of any guards is that they're harvesting organs for the black market and fucking corpses. How the hell do you watch that and go "oh yeah they're just a bunch of silly little meow meows". And I fucking know it's 99% white people doing this shit, which really just adds to the uncomfortable implications here.

My biggest problem with the entire show is how the FUCK did they get the new ropes set up for tug of war??? There's no way the guards could physically reach to thread the rope through the hole in the guillotine. How did they do it??? We see them laying down the second rope after somehow getting it in place, but we never see how they got it across. THIS IS BOTHERING ME A LOT OKAY I HAVE QUESTIONS THAT NEED ANSWERING, SQUID GAME.

also not having railings on the walkways for tug of war... actually makes sense, I mean yeah murder facility doesn't care about OSHA rules, but having the next team competing pass the winning team on their way seems like it's just asking for trouble. I was 100% expecting someone on Team Douchebag to do that classic asshole shouldercheck sideswipe and send someone over the edge. What the hell would they do then??? Reshuffle the teams??? Make the guy responsible for the fall compete twice??? Just force that team to play with only nine people??? It just seems like it'd be easier to let the winners leave before sending the second teams up, just to avoid that potential headache. Especially since that game came right after the staff had made it pretty clear that killing outside the games was totally cool. Seems like they were asking for trouble.

[cruciatusforeplay]

This is part two of a hella big post. Check out part one here. These are all a lot more recent, so I'm gonna try to be less spoilery, but there are gonna be some.

A not-so-brief history of Hawkeye in Comics Part Two (spoilers below the cut)

A note on events, dying and doubling down on Hawkeyes

Comics love doing big events, and I'm not covering them in here. Partly because they are huge and complex and to just focus on Hawkeye would be an injustice to the stories, but also because the amount of stuff I would need to spoil would be way beyond just a little Hawkeye. Clint was involved in Secret Wars (1984), which was one of the first crossover events of its kind. Another notable era is 2004-2009, where there is an incredible amount of superhero politics driving big narratives. If you're new to comics, you might not know that characters dying is common and rarely permanent. This is relevant because while I said that I wouldn't talk about events, I think it would be pretty uncool to not mention that Hawkeye dies and is brought back to life (Avengers Disassembled, House of M, New Avengers #26). It's around here that Clint picks up the Ronin mantle.

This is also when Dark Reign/Dark Avengers is going on. For anyone who'd like some Clint whump from this era, there's a top notch naked torture scene in New Avengers Annual (2009). Clint is involved in several other big events and crossovers over later years, but that's definitely a seperate list.

In the time where Clint is dead, Captain America is hanging out with a group of newly formed Young Avengers, including archery badass Kate Bishop. Cap suggests to her that she take up the Hawkeye mantle and gives her Clint's old bow. After Clint returns, he becomes initially her mentor, before they form a very close friendship. Clint is initially doing Ronin things, but even when he lays down ninja robes, they decide to be very Hawkeye about the whole thing and both keep calling themselves Hawkeye, despite the obvious confusion this causes.

Hawkeye's ears: Hawkeye vs. Deadpool #0-4 (2014)

This is a fun little miniseries that you could treat as a Halloween special if you so desired. It's set in the time after Fraction's run and there are a few callbacks, but nothing major if you've not read that. Clint is a little short-tempered and hypermasculine in this run for my personal taste, but it's got lots of grumpy Clint Vs sassy Wade while they vaguely attempt to team up. The thing this run does really well is Clint's deafness, despite the lack of visible hearing aids. There are comments around lip-reading, wearing aids when wearing other headgear, there's some sign language, and this is the run where Deadpool pulls his mask up so Clint can lipread and see his face while he signs (facial expressions are really key in sign language). It's lovely. Otherwise the run gives you a Kate cameo, some Deadpool and Hawkeye disaster/shenanigans, and perhaps most importantly, the return of the skycycle.

Key background: All New Hawkeye #1-6 (2015)

This run is often overlooked, but the art in the flashbacks is beautiful. We get some key information around Clint and Barney's abusive home situation - with their dad who drank and beat them, and how they ended up in care after their parents died, and subsequently their early days in the circus. There is a definite shift in how Barney is characterized as a bad influence compared to the 2003 run. It parallels with the rest of the arc which focuses on Clint and Kate Bishop working together to get some kids out of a very bad situation. The rest of Lemires run is a little weird and has no major repurcussions for anyone except Barney (which I won't elaborate on because it's relevant to the Fraction run).

Back to your roots: Tales of Suspense #100-104 (2017)

Seeing Clint cycle back and return to Tales of Suspense is really lovely. This comic is one of my all time favourites. It's incredibly tight story-telling with a great plot and really fun dynamic. The premise is Clint and Bucky teaming up to figure out the body trail being left after Black Widow's death. Clint is obnoxious and a delightful mess, Bucky is sporting a permanent scowl and is hilariously level-headed. It's a lot of fun and it's a lovely build on the tension and teamwork between these two idiots (who I, as an avid Winterhawk shipper, am completely gone for, but even without that, this is a great comic.) It also has some killer covers, and the facial expressions are absolutely hilarious.

Hawkeyes together: Hawkeye #13-16 (2017) and West Coast Avengers #1-10 (2018)

The Hawkeye run is Kate Bishops run and it has a larger continuing storyline that runs from the beginning of her Hawkeye and way into WCA, but I've listed the issues that you'll want for Kate and Clint shenanigans, and you should be able to catch up without the rest if you don't want it. These comics are ridiculously fun, especially West Coast Avengers, which has Kate leading the team this time. There's loads of jokes, and it strikes a nice balance between Hawkeyes being disasters and being hyper competent. Truthfully, this is Kate's show, and Clint takes a backseat, but their dynamic is killer here so I think is deserves a mention. There are also plenty of Clint related wardrobe malfunctions and Lucky the Pizza Dog is around.

Our most recent boy: Hawkeye freefall #1-6 (2020)

I haven't read this one yet, but it's been extremely well received by the fandom. As a result, good news: no spoilers! It's a short run, which may have had something to do with it being published during 2020, and specifically around a time when Marvel were experiencing some major distribution issues (which would have led to digital release only and as a result lower sales), but that's all guesswork because I haven't actually researched it. This run has someone dressing as Ronin and letting Clint take the blame for their nefarious deeds (oh no!). Clint makes some classic Clint (read: dumpster fire) decisions, and the art looks fun and vibrant. Can't really give you more without reading it myself 😅 If you need more Clint still, he's also rumoured to be knocking around in the 2020 Black Widow run, but I've not had the money to get my mitts on that yet either.

Notable AUs:

Marvel is a big fan of throwing a well known cast into an alternative universes, so there are a few other places to look for him.

The Ultimates universe was largely speaking a bit of a shitshow, but they did give us a very dark and gritty Clint, so if that's your jam, ultimate hawkeye is the place to be. Old Man Hawkeye appears alongside Old Man Logan, and they are both, you guessed it, old. It's not the only time we get Clint as a wrinkly dude (the second half Lemire's run also has some timey-wimey stuff happening), but this is a version of Clint who is going blind (granted we've seen that before too, but this is a darker vibe than Blindspot). Wanna know who the greatest marksman is without his sight - old man Hawkeye for you! Finally there's the Zombie 'verse: zombie Clint is a little confused, but he's got the spirit. Clint got zombiefied and then left in some rubble as only a head for 40 years before getting picked up, so he's a little worse for wear. If you need that in your life then Marvel Zombies is your universe. For a full rundown of all the universes including animated and MCU, click here.

Notable aliases:

Clint's been a few other people than Hawkeye in the 616 universe (the main Marvel Comics universe). He used one of Hank Pyms growth serums and became a giant strongman in Avengers #63 (1969) and stuck around in his Goliath form for more than a few issues. After Cap had died, Clint returned from the dead and tried on Captain America for all of one issue in Fallen Son #3 (2007). He decided (with a little help from Kate) that it wasn't right to wear the uniform, which in turn led to some interesting tension between him and Bucky Barnes when Buck did become the new Captain America. Finally, there's his most well-known alternate persona: Ronin. Clint becomes Ronin after returning from the dead, wanting a break from his Hawkeye persona and an opportunity to become Ronin arises in New Avengers #27 (2007). Clint is not the only person to have used these aliases. Additionally, Hawkeye has been used not only by Clint and Kate Bishop, but also by Bullseye during the Dark Reign.

The things we haven't talked about

Like I said at the very beginning, there is a lot of Clint Barton knocking around in comics and even with all this there's a lot of content I haven't focused on. For instance, I've not talked a lot about his relationships, beyond his marriage to mockingbird (and really I only scratched the surface with that), and honestly once you start getting into interpersonal relationships we're starting to move on from what can be done in a Tumblr thread.

There are also some topic specific threads floating around, which you might like to look at too.

@vaguelyrotten has done a run down of some great dumpster fire Clint Barton comics (some of which I haven't listed) and you can see that here.

@bobbimorses did a great summary of Clint's historical deafness for instance which you can find here.

There's also this little bit all about Clint and Bucky in canon (thanks to @nightwideopen ) and how Winterhawk became a thing (thanks to @1000-directions )

This is slight sidenote, but @clintscoffeepot did a really great comprehensive of Fraction Clint's apartment which is just a really useful writing resource and you can get that here.

There is also this website which I stumbled across fairly far into writing this post which does actually look like it might be comprehensive.

If I've missed anything major, or listed something incorrectly or you just have some Clint related opinions that I need to know about, do hit me up.