#it's okay to be happy with things we've made
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parfaitblogs · 2 days ago
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state of grace ❀ s. reid x reader
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in which your cat has taken liking to your friend with benefits, and you begin to battle with the consequential feelings. 
pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader genre: fluff (18+ for suggestive content) tags: established friends with benefits. reader has a cat. your cat likes him more than you :(  avoidant!reader for like a teensie second. it's okay happy ending. the happiest possible ending actually. fade to black. word count: 1.9k a/n: sometimes the most beautiful poetry can be about simple things. like a cat. :) im a dog person. idk why i wrote this.
Seventeen times.
That is how many times Spencer Reid had found residence at your apartment in the past month alone, taking up the space on the other side of your bed. Thirteen of those times he had stayed the night. Six of those times, he had come for sex. The other eleven? He had come because you needed a friend. 
Or, rather, your cat did. 
You had discovered you weren't any more complex than your average man, at the end of the day. Human beings are at their core created to love and be loved, and by extension, to want and be wanted. You wanted Spencer, and you were wanted by Spencer. For both your friendship, and the intimacy your relationship provided. 
But you did not love him, and he did not love you. 
Cat's are anything but fickle creatures. A lot of your best friendships were centred around whether or not your cat developed a liking to the person or not. Oftentimes, your fleeting relationships came down to the odd sixth sense the animal had for disliking the worst people. That, and your one night stands were never a crowd favourite within the walls of your apartment. And yet; Spencer Reid. 
He was nothing short of charming. In a sort of dorky way, yes. But whatever socially romantic skills he lacked, he most certainly made up for by giving you the best of just about everything in bed. A small part of you wants to claim it's human instinct to know how to worship the person meant for you, but the logical reason is probably his eidetic memory knowing exactly what he's doing after a singular trial run. Entertaining the thought of being his soulmate was not a wise choice.
He most certainly was your cat's, though. The Ragdoll always jumping down to greet him the second he stepped foot in your apartment, usually resulting in the break of a kiss and a five minute intermission before the two of you could do anything. 
At first, it was an inconvenience. Your cat had never taken such a liking to a person you'd brought home before, and it was jarring to watch a man you were partially trying to undress, stop everything to pet your cat. Now, it is simply endearing. You've stopped trying to steal Spencer's attention before the cat does, and you've come to the conclusion that Spencer's priority list will always be the feline, then you. 
Today was, seemingly, no different. Despite the dull ache between your legs and the fact that this visit had started as something as obscene as Spencer calling from his work bathroom to ask if he could come over after for he was, and you quote, in dire need to touch you (among many other things), whatever those needs were, were put on hold. 
You smile regardless, leaning against the edge of your couch as he crouches down to meet Po — yes, like the panda — his hand immediately reaching out for the cat to run his head along. 
Spencer's head lifts to look at you. "Morgan thinks Po isn't a real cat, and we've just got a name for your—um—" his brain catches up to his mouth mid sentence, and he's stammering his way to silence. 
"Please tell me you defended my cat's honour," you retort.
"I did! I even showed him the photo I took of him while you were in the shower last week. He thinks it's a different person's cat."
You shake your head in disapproval. "Unbelievable. Your coworker thinks we've named my pussy."
"That's just Morgan."
"I wish Po could speak English. Then he could hear this nonsense, and stop loving you more than me," you grumble, and Spencer's lips twitch up into a smile, as he situates himself on the floor, the cat climbing into his lap.
"Actually, he technically can. Cat's can understand up to thirty-five words in whatever language you train them in. Also, when they meow, they begin trying to mimic the sound of certain human words. It's their vocal tract that prevents them from literally speaking English," he explains.
But, you're too invested in the way his long fingers are delicately running through the cat's hair, to both respond, and really pay any attention at all.
You had had fleeting thoughts about real feelings for Spencer two months ago. Brushing them off as loneliness and your need to satiate the hopeless romantic within you, you'd forgotten about it up until this recent week.
He'd been over every single day, sometimes for sex, oftentimes for a movie and dinner (which was usually a bowl of pasta you had overestimated while cooking). And every single time, you'd developed an overwhelming anxious pit in your stomach when watching him interact with Po, your heart fluttering the entire time, mind running rampant on domestic thoughts you should be squashing. 
Should be, but weren't. 
You'd tried to put it down to the motherly instinct you had over the animal. Seeing somebody else treat him with as much love and care as you did was endearing — it wasn't a Spencer Reid specific trait. Yet, here you were. 
"I feel like the benefits of this relationship have changed," you say, seating yourself in front of Spencer on the floor, Po lifting his head to look at the person behind the sudden movement, before he let it rest back on Spencer's thigh. 
"To what?"
"My cat," you huff, and Spencer laughs.
"He is my favourite benefit thus far," he muses. 
"The feeling is definitely mutual," you nod your head to Po, whose eyes were now shut, seemingly quite comfortable disregarding all your personal plans and taking Spencer's attention.
"Animals don't usually like me," he comments. "I don't know why Po is different."
Oh, you had a few ideas why.
"Maybe he's exercising the keep your enemies closer life motto," you offer, and Spencer's eyebrows shoot up in faux offence. 
"This is unadulterated love," he protests. "He does not think of me as an enemy."
"That's what he wants you to believe," you hum, pushing yourself up on your legs. "Well, since plans have been rudely interrupted, do you want some dinner?" 
"Sure," he answers, though his attention is back on Po. Clearly so, for he says, "I'll get to our original plans after we eat, don't worry," almost absentmindedly.
It's the kind of thing that makes you forget you're in the room with the dictionary definition of a nerd. You know it's only because sometimes he says what he is thinking without thinking. It doesn't do anything to help the ongoing internal battle about your feelings for him. 
Or maybe he does know exactly what he's doing.
"You should get a cat," you say, heading into your kitchen to find something for the two of you to eat. "You seem to like them enough."
"Why? I have yours."
"I'm not going to be around forever," you reply, unthinking. "I mean, one day we're gonna have to end this because the other has found someone they want to be with. Properly. It wouldn't be fair to keep a friendship."
He falls silent, and when you lift your head, you see he's staring at you with an almost confused frown on his face, which triggers your own confusion to appear. His scratching of Po's head has been interrupted, and you're starting to question what was wrong about what you had said. 
Sure, you're pretty sure you have feelings for him, but as far as you knew, they were one sided. Right?
"I didn't—I thought—" he cuts himself off, takes a deep breath, then continues. "I thought that had changed this past month."
"What do you mean?"
"I just—I've been here for things other than sex a lot. I thought you knew I liked you, and you were subtly trying to tell me you liked me too. I'm starting to sense I misread that."
For a profiler, he was incredibly awful at reading you. 
"Yeah..." You slowly nod your head, but it's the deepening of his frown that has you rushing to add, "I mean, I—I do. Like you. I'm kind of embarrassed that was obvious. But I didn't think you liked me outside of having sex with me. I wasn't trying to communicate my feelings. I was trying to hide them."
"Oh," he falls silent again. "So the times I’ve been here in the past month weren’t makeshift dates?"
"They weren't intended that way..." you trail off. "Did you see them as dates?"
"Kind of, I guess," he's back to running his fingers through Po's fur, just to keep his anxious hands busy. "They don't have to be, if you don't want them to. I just thought this feeling was mutual and we were... I guess, dating."
"The feeling is mutual," you quickly correct him. "I know that now. I didn't think we were dating because I didn't think you liked me back. Changing our relationship kind of needs to be a conversation."
"Right," he breathes out, an awkward smile painting his lips. "Is this the conversation, then?"
"I guess?"
"So now we're dating."
"If that's what you want," you nod, head feeling a little fuzzy.
"Is it what you want?" he presses. Always the gentleman.
"Maybe," you muse, leaning forwards against the kitchen countertop. 
He's watching you, and for a second you let the silence fall over you, fearful that you've just discouraged him enough to ruin things between you. He carefully takes Po off his lap, the cat running into your room the second his paws hit the hardwood floor, and he's standing up to move over to you. 
"I don't like maybe," he frowns. "Yes or no?"
You blink, realising he was evidently too anxious of your genuine response to have any recognition to your poor attempt of a joke. 
"Yes, Spencer. That's what I want," you're breathless as you speak, and you're thankful for the relieved smile that stretches across his lips.
"That's what I want too," he answers. 
"Yeah, I figured." Your second attempt at a tease lands, and he huffs a small laugh, which warms your heart. "Do you still want dinner?"
He had somehow gotten closer to you throughout the awkward enough conversation, and he was sliding his arms around your waist. Something he had done many times before, yes, and yet this time it was feeling much more intimate, and your heart was thrumming against your chest a little harder than usual. 
"Maybe it can wait?" he offers, ducking his head down, lips ghosting over your own. "I don't have a bothersome cat keeping me preoccupied from you, now."
Despite yourself, you poke a finger into his chest and say, "Don't insult Po."
"I'm not. Just merely stating an obvious fact."
"I'll call him back in here to preoccupy me."
"He has selective hearing. And he likes me more than you."
Your lips drop into a frown, lower lip jutting out, and Spencer is quick to try and kiss it off within seconds of noticing it. 
"I'm sorry. That was mean. I promise he doesn't like me more than you," he says, though his voice is too amused to be entirely sincere. 
"That was mean," you agree with a firm nod. "You're very mean to me, Spencer Reid."
"I know, I'm awful. Can I make it up to you, sweet girl?"
Well, when he asks you like that.
"Mm..." you hesitate, but he's already guiding you around, walking you backwards, through your apartment and towards your bedroom. "Yeah, I guess so."
Hands that were around your waist hike your shirt up, his lips still kissing against your skin despite the intense multitasking he was forcing upon the two of you.
"Thank you."
your reblogs and replies are always appreciated ♡
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faunandfloraas · 2 months ago
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Birth date analysis // Seungmin - September 22nd: The Day of Restless Drive.
September 22 - Virgo/Libra
The Day Of Restless Drive
Those born on September 22 have a restless drive. Usually they bring the one they are working on to completion only to immediately set out on a new one without rest. They are also capable of handling several projects at the same time. Those born on this day have a low boredom threshold, and consequently demand challenging people and situations. They can be outgoing and dynamic types at one time, and solitary and unapproachable at another. In either case, their strong character is unmistakable.
Often September 22 people oscillate between an offensive and defensive posture. In one sense, such postures may be one and the same since a good offense is the best defense and vice-versa. Whether in a broad social context or on a personal level, the issues and ideas those born on this day are most often concerned with involve fairness and equality. In general matters pertaining to the delegation and exercise of power. In putting forth their arguments, they can be very ironic, witty and outright funny. Their humor, however, is not for everyone as it is liable to be off-beat, sardonic, perhaps even macabre.
Those born on September 22 can hide a warm heart under a forbidding exterior, but generally will only open up to people whom they deeply trust and value. Even then they may find it difficult to open all the way, principally because their orientation is highly realistic and the ironies of life all too visible to them. This day carries insight and clarity of vision both literal and figurative. September 22 people are excellent judges of character, and capable of sizing people up very quickly. Those few friends whom they allow into their inner sanctum they value most highly, usually for life.
September 22 people can often have a greater effect on those around them than they realize, and indeed can register a high degree of shock value. Because of their often disturbing impact, they should seek to be more aware of their effect on others, both friends and foes alike. True warriors in the battle of life, they must take stock of their armaments and defenses, using them judiciously and effectively, and avoid isolating and alienating themselves.
Strengths:
Individual
Perceptive
Well-directed
Weaknesses:
Guarded
Acerbic
Dark
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witheredbouquet · 11 months ago
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drawn for the dragonyule gift exchange on twt, so glad that i could join this year! thank you for hosting, saint starfall ♥
i hope that everyone has a wonderful dragonyule & a happy new year!
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ayyponine · 4 months ago
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not to be a milennial but harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban really is that bitch....
#mom wanted to rewatch the movies so we've been going thru them <3#talk about a movie thats just like. grief. i turn into the jamie lee curtis halloween trauma supercut#SORRY..... the visuals are peak like that IS the hp vibe to ME and i am BLOWN AWAY this movie was made in 2004 it feels ahead of its time#the first two are so whimsical and magical enrapturing and this movie is like. a well worn cardigan. this feels 2011 cozycore to me#sorry but the introduction of lupin becoming a comforting trusted guardian type of figure AND the dementors representing hollow depression#this 13 yr old whos been kept in the dark on so many things being extra vulnerable prey to them bc of the severe trauma#but getting lessons on how to withstand that creeping dread.. through happy memories... still bonding w lupin increasngly ouagh...#the grief between them both over james and lily. also btw ofc defense against the dark arts being fighting yr fears through laughter. aaaaaa#and then sirius. black. im. i know we meme on the twelve years of it! in azkaban! but as a bitch whos now closer to those characters in age#and can appreciate and understand them obv more than i could when i was. a tween. that just hits like ok shit. VALID#so valid and real to see the child of your friends you knew at that age but who DIED and then see the friend who betrayed them#to see like the best of BOTH of them mirrored and living on in him and be like yknow what???? you WILL be protected frm that same fate#hoooo the briefest moment where harry might hope things will turn out okay. w sirius' name being cleared and peter having to explain himself#and sirius being like hey i get it if you want to stay w your family that is fine but. if you wanna move in w me...#(harry relaying this to hermione later as well. dreaming of a place fr just the two of them somewhere in the countryside#somewhere..... sirius might see the sky..... bc he thinks he would like that after all those years locked up do not even touch me rn.......)#only fr everything to turn to shit two friends fighting w deadly force. the chance to set this right slipping off into the night.#a million dementors descending relentlessly until utter exhaustion and certain death. some strange salvation? fight for a second chance?#but then still havign to say goodbye when they only just GOT this. and everything still being so. god. and lupin having to leave as well.#the thought of sirius also WANTING that guardian type connection but being forced to live in 1. a cave barely living more freely than before#2. then being confined to the stuffy somber abusive home he ran away from as a teen w that portrait still up there and everything.. bitch...#oh man the way i KNOW when we get to ootp (my favourite) its gonna leave me blasted into a million little pieces#the way i know shit like the knowing wink the entirety of the wall tapestry room scene and of course nice one james is gonna DESTROY me..#dont even talk to me abt that dark turn at the end of gof and how everything after gets soooo. god. w everything just getting destroyed and.#i cant even think abt it i cant even talk about it. wah#i dont care btw that they aged those guys up undermining how insanely young these people died. perfect casting fr the remaining marauders ok
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yunwooz · 2 years ago
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woosang ♡ for @miinsang
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miimeeks · 1 month ago
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oh (vent in tags)
#checks notes. so the last time me and my partner had an actual conversation was back in may#fun !!!#our relationship has become such a nothing burger ik im partly to blame cause talking is a 2 sided thing but ive been the one reaching out#which is . weird since they are the type to talk a lot to people.#ive been feeling insecure for awhile cause they made a post about how they always feel closer to their friends rather than their partners#like. im sorry ??? if its such a recurring problem... uhh . yeah.#im just having doubts that they even want to be together#im the only one who ever mentions the idea of us meeting they did when first got together#which was almost 2 years ago now... so im just.#i feel like we would both be better off breaking up. buts its been so long since we've properly spoken that it feels awkward to talk#(oh and another that always gets to me is that whenever im venting about my depression and life on my priv twt.#they just. make light out of it or joke about it ??? like. not even an are you okay or im here for you. id honestly rather they ignored it#if theyre gonna be like that#anyway that was longer than planned.#i hate long distance relationships. i never wanted to be in one !!! arghhhh im not saying i never liked them but also us getting in one#was. uh a misunderstanding. they mistook me asking for clarification on what they were saying to me as me asking them out...#i just went along with it cause i was happy at the time and i liked them a lot. but i should of explained thats on me.#i dont know where i went wrong.....
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swan2swan · 5 months ago
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I don't know if Kausar was ever actually in the closet during her career, but it's good to see her openly acknowledging who she is, and the joy that she feels from being able to bring queer characters to life.
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thethingything · 8 months ago
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local man discovers he's gotten into the habit of using DBT techniques without actually being taught them because at some point he realised that the things we get the urge to do when we have strong emotions often aren't healthy and that he doesn't like how he feels afterwards so he started noticing when that was happening and going "fuck that shit" and doing the opposite instead
#personal#thoughts#Lucy post#talking to 🍬 about various stuff we do because of our social anxiety and what are probably undiagnosed BPD symptoms#and we realised he's gotten himself into the habit of paying attention to how his emotions affect his judgement#and trying to take a step back when he's experiencing an emotion that he knows gives us the urge to do stuff that's not healthy for us#and he said he felt bad about having those emotions and urges to do unhealthy stuff#at which point I was like ''okay but you're choosing not to act on that and to take a step back and do something healthier instead#which is what actually matters here and is also something that takes a hell of a lot of self-awareness and self-control''#this is shit they teach you in therapy that's difficult specifically because you're going against your brain's instincts for a situation#and we were never taught how to do it so you've just fucking taught yourself to do it instead#without actually knowing it's a specific technique that has a name#I was aware of it but had never actually looked at the instructions properly because when I stumbled across it#it was at a point where being told to go against what my emotions made me want to do felt invalidating and upsetting#I've literally just pieced together that ''oh right that's what that is and how it's supposed to work#and how it's meant to feel when you do it right''#anyway all this is to say that I keep being impressed with the amount of progress 🍬's made on learning healthy coping mechanisms#including things I could never seem to get the hang of when I was fronting more and handling more stuff#and I'm really proud of him and 🦋 and everyone else who's been handling stuff within the system and keeping things running#but also nobody in here seems to realise how much progress they've made with anything until someone else points it out#I just realised I should tag this as#happy posting#because I'm talking about stuff that's going well and where we've actually made a lot of progress
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bowtiepastabitch · 10 months ago
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Oh by the way don't go on twitter rn
#genuinely get closer every day to deleting my account because what the fuck guys#okay just gonna rant in the tags for a minute ignore me#because what the actual FUCK#I made a twitter account so I could see what Michael Sheen posted#because it makes me happy and that has value for me#and I've checked back every couple days then every couple weeks since october to see if he'd posted anything#and people are sTILL fucking going on about it#guys#guys I'm begging y'all to realize that bullying someone off a website is not the activism slay you think it is#there are celebrities that are PROUD zionists can we PLEASSE focus on them?? if we're gonna talk about celebs at all????#your time could be doing so many more valuable things than posting over and over about your opinions#about some other random uninvolved guys opinions#about a complex conflict in which it is not a wrong desire for innocents to not be killed!!!#in which a ceasefire is what we've been demanding from our reps for months!!!!!#and some fucking statements he made MONTHS ago#statements which by the way were not wrong or incorrect#y'all forget that being anti-zionist in the modern imperial hellscape of america and the uk has very serious consequences that I have seen#in my own actual goddamn life#calling for a ceasefire is exactly what we were asked to do by organizers jesus fuck are y'all that dense????#have you done so little actual activism that you don't know that??? what is happening?????#and now georgia tennant deactivated her fucking account because she got dogpiled too#for not providing a full PR defense against claims she was a zionist#like guys come on we all know how that goes#it doesn't matter what you say someone is gonna get angry and pick it apart she doesn't owe us proof she's not a zionist#I'm not here to say she responded correctly but there's nothing she could have said that would have made twitter happy#because that's how celebrity drama works and you know it#so now of course everyone's buzzing again about michael and georgia and neil and fuck him fuck her whatever#people are blocking each other for supporting or not supporting and shit it's a bloodbath#and for what#for. fucking. what.
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hua-fei-hua · 2 years ago
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we have moved on to persuasive speeches in comm class n bc we have so little time left in the semester they're gonna be partner debates, so i have grouped up with the guy in there with whom i started talking abt genshin a while back, n we're just like. "fuck it. let's just do the ethics of gacha games and whether they should be regulated like gambling in casinos"
#which is a very broad topic n i know we're not gonna touch on everything in the ten minutes we'll be allotted#so in my head i'm like running through the arguments you always see online#n it's fun to discuss too bc since we're both familiar w/gacha culture those aspects also feel like important things to discuss as well#bc like. on paper you can present gacha games as harmless bc you ''don't have'' to spend money on it if you have the self-restraint#and there Are kids who grew up playing these things who learned restraint along the way#n are able to engage w/these kinds of things with healthy boundaries n limits n stuff#n like kids Shouldn't be playing gacha games; many people say that the target audience of gacha games are kids but that's like.#that's literally not true. the target audience of gacha games are the whales who are all adults.#just bc they often attract the attention of kids as a side thing doesn't mean they're necessarily Made for them#but that doesn't negate the fact that hey! there ARE a lot of kids who can someday be harmed by this *as collateral*#and just bc they're not the target audience doesn't mean it's okay to just ignore them bc there are so many#(also the fact that gacha ecosystems revolve around balancing the needs of whales n f2p complicates this further)#(in order to keep the whales happy you have to keep your f2p around or else there's no one for the whales to flex on)#(so in a sense f2p are kind of like live bait to keep whales around)#(it doesn't matter who or what the f2p/low spenders are; as long as you have bottom feeders around to make up majority of players)#n since kids tend to have a lot of passion and spare time they often get pulled into games like gnshn which can unlock gambling addictions#since there's basically not a lot of oversight it's really easy for them to fall into bad patterns just bc of gacha culture n stuff#anyway since we have similar views we're both chill with taking either side of this debate presentation#i think we're both of the opinion that there is Something that has to be done but we're sympathetic to the people who disagree#simply bc we've both experienced this shit From The Inside#花話
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whisp3roftheheart · 1 year ago
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I really am the most embarrassing person when I like someone lmao
#eden speaks#i really had my best friend drive me all the way to the boy i likes work so i could visit him during his shift#and then i was awkward 😭😭#i was stupid and hit a friends pen a few too many times and i was high as hell when i went which made interacting so h a r d#i told him beforehand that i was high too so i prewarned him that id probably sound stupid lmao#i should've smoked after i saw him#he had a face mask to hide under too since he has to wear one for work and i was just perpetually awkward#i was so busy trying to look normal and overthinking that i forgot to say bye to him lmao i was like#im... im gonna go over there and then i left like what kind of exit is that smh#i see him again today i think we're going on like... kind of a date of sorts? we're going thrift shopping#originally i thought we were going with his rommates but from the questions hes been asking me i think it might just be us#hes so pretty i kept getting flustered when i looked at his eyes when i saw him yesterday#like sir your brown eyes are my weakness#we've been texting like non stop every day for a while now so clearly he feels some kind of way about me its the only thing that makes sense#when i get paid im gonna get him this sanrio and jjk collab shirt because he loves jjk and i love sanrio and if he likes it ill be so happy#we're gonna see the fnaf movie next week im so excited i gotta get a fnaf tshirt or something when i go to buy his shirt#i asked him to go with me on that one and im so excited for it#okay let me stop rambling lmao my ass never knows when i stop#*when to stop
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nostalgicfun · 1 year ago
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My boyfriend was on the phone with his dad yesterday so I went out to sit on the patio to pet the geese and play on my phone for a bit, and while out there I came across a comic of baby Grimace (yes, that Grimace) being sad because everyone hated his milkshake and saying he wished he never had a birthday. Then there was a follow up where tons of people had commented saying they loved the shake and wished Grimace a happy birthday, and that made him happy again.
This, for whatever reason, emotionally devastated me. I was sobbing. I was ugly crying so bad that even the geese waddled away side-eyeing me.
After a while my bf yelled from inside, "Okay, you ready for dinner?" and I was forced to accept I had to go back in the house a defeated sniffly little wreck.
My boyfriend, who has only ever seen me cry once in the whole year we've been together, looked horrorstruck. He assumed the worst. Someone got hurt. Something was wrong with my family. Someone was mean to me (a cardinal sin). The panic that washed over his face was unparalleled.
He, upon seeing me, (somewhat theatrically) rushed over and grabbed me by the shoulders. "What's wrong, what happened? Are you okay?" he asked, frantic. "What is it?"
I realized how ridiculous the whole situation was and just shook my head.
He was growing more panicked. "What is it? Why are you crying?"
I then had to stand there and look him, this completely normal human being, in the eyes, and blurt out "Grimace"
Confused silence followed.
"....Grimace?"
I nodded.
"...The McDonalds guy...thing?"
I nodded.
"What...what did...Grimace...do to you?"
I then tearfully recounted the silly internet comic that had absolutely broken my heart. And this poor guy--this poor, wonderfully sweet, nice, patient guy--kindly stood there trying to figure out how to comfort me that Grimace was not, in fact, sad. (Nevermind that he's a corporate mascot who isn't real)
This morning my phone rang just after 5am. It was my boyfriend. It was my turn to panic, to assume the worst.
I didn't even have time to say hello before he started excitedly yelling, "Look at the TikTok I just sent you! Look! Open it!"
Confused and not entirely convinced I wasn't still asleep, I opened the TikTok.
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An official release from McDonalds confirming Grimace (who still isn't real) did, in fact, feel special on his birthday.
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sastielsfandom · 1 year ago
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Fridays are so stressful for me simply bc of how expensive they are for homeless people. It doesn't matter where we're at, the panic is there. I don't think that panic will go away any time soon either.
#It sucks#But also the longer we're apart from our youngest siblings the more it hurts and aches#Can you believe we were going to try and do something for Thanksgiving?#Not on the day of we leave that day to mourning#But the following week we were going to have a feast#They were looking forward to it we wanted to try and pull something together for them#A happy memory#We didn't promise it bc we didn't know how much we could do for them#I guess it's a good thing because we didn't even get to be there#Their dad made sure of it - it hurts and angers me so badly#I don't like him I don't have to after all he's put us through but what really pisses me off is we would never do that#We've never kept him away from them on any special occasion#He's left their birthdays refused to show up refused to be there so he could do whatever he wanted to#And now is using them as a pawn to hurt us and it sucks#I think it would kill him to care about them because they're his kids and not just pretending to so he could hurt others#They don't deserve to be treated like that#I miss them so much#I hope they're okay - I wish with everything in me that they're happy right now#That they're being taken care of and that they're happy#If this is what's best for them so be it but if this is how it's supposed to be then let them be happy#Bc I know them and I can't imagine this is easy for them#They have a hard time being away from us even for a day bc we're the ones who've been there for them when everything went to shit#And the fact that we're not there with everything that happened#I feel like a failure for that#There's nothing I could've done to change the outcome but I wish that wasn't true#Honestly just ignore me I'm just missing them a lot#That and the weekends always stress me out#Just yeah#I don't know what else to say
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harrysfolklore · 6 months ago
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growing family - verstappen!yn
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pairing: verstappen!yn x boyfriend!charles, best fiend!oscar x verstappen!yn
verstappen!yn smau | masterlist | my patreon
You hummed along to the music coming from the speakers of your boyfriend's Monaco home as you stirred some pasta sauce for dinner.
Despite being to Monaco countless of times before, there was something different about being there with Charles for his home race week.
You enjoyed being alone in his apartment while he ran some errands or spent some time training, you felt at home and the company of Leo, the puppy you adopted together made everything better.
However, your time to yourself cooking dinner for you and your boyfriend was interrupted by your phone ringing.
oscar pastry 🥐 FaceTime Video
Frowning because you weren't quite expecting a call from your best friend, you answered.
"Hello mum," he said once his face popped up on screen.
"Mum?" you asked confused, "What are you even talking about?"
"Have you not seen twitter? I'm your kid now, Charles adopted me," he shrugged, "Where's my brother Leo?"
"Oscar are you drunk or something," you laughed at your best friend, "I haven't been on twitter since like, last year."
"Well log in, dumbass," he rolled his eyes and you flipped him off, "Hey! That's not the way to treat your son."
"Gosh stop saying that, we've been best friends since we were 15 it's weird," you shook your head as you opened the twitter app, luckily you weren't logged out because you certainly didn't remember your password.
And the first thing you saw pop up in your timeline was the banter between your boyfriend and your best friend.
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"You guys are so annoying," you threw your head back in laughter as you read the tweets, "And you're both serious about it too."
"Of course, I'm a Leclerc-Verstappen now," he laughed along, "Shit, does that make Max my uncle?"
"It does," your eyes widened, "Are you sure you want that?"
"Well I wanted you guys to adopt me so you give me back the attention your boyfriend stole from me, I never consider Max would become my uncle," he teased, making you laugh.
"Come on pastry, we've talked about this," you gave him a serious look, "You'll always be my best friend and me being with Charles now would never change that."
"I know, I'm just messing around," a small smile played on his face, "You guys seem so happy and I love that for you."
As if on cue, you heard the front door open and your boyfriend's voice calling for you, Leo instantly barking and running to the door when he noticed his presence.
"Mon ange, I'm back," he said as he entered the kitchen, Leo cradled on his arm, "Missed you."
He pulled you closer y the waist and kissed the side of your head, making you smile and lean into him.
"Yikes, I didn't need to see that," Oscar's voice was heard from the phone screen, making you laugh.
"Oh hey son," Charles said to him, "How's my new favorite adopted child doing?"
"Hey dad, just calling to check in on my amazing parents and my little brother," he said, glancing at Leo who was now comfortably settled in Charles' arms.
"This is so weird, stop it," you cringed, making both of them laugh and Charles pull you to him again as you covered your face.
"We're a big happy family, mon amour. Ollie, Leo and now Oscar, the Leclerc-Verstappen family."
You smiled at him, pecking his lips a couple of times.
"Okay that's my cue, I don't want to see you guys making out," Oscar said shaking his head, "Good night, mum and dad, see you this weekend."
"Say bye to your brother too," Charles said, moving Leo closer to the camera.
"Bye Leo!"
As Oscar hung up, you couldn't help but laugh at the entire interaction, "So he's our son now?"
"Yes, and he seems to be enjoying it a lot," Charles chuckled, setting Leo down on the floor, "Who would've thought we'd have an adopted son before getting married or having our own kids?"
"Don't get any ideas, Leclerc," you playfully swatted his chest, "We're not adopting every one of my friends who jokes about it."
"Why not? We could build a whole team," Charles teased, wrapping his arms around you from behind and resting his chin on your shoulder and kissing it chastely, "We'd be the coolest family ever."
"It's your secret plan to make everyone on the grid your family? Dating Max's sister and now adopting Oscar, you're something else, Leclerc."
Charles laughed loudly at your words, throwing his head back and making you laugh along.
"Well, what can I say," he shrugged, "I'm charming and people love me."
"That you are," you smiled, kissing him gently.
That you are," you smiled, kissing him gently.
"Now, let me help with dinner," Charles offered, moving to the stove and checking the sauce. "It smells amazing, just like you."
"Smooth talker," you teased, handing him a spoon to stir. "Just make sure it doesn’t burn."
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I think I have a potentially controversial opinion on Aziraphale and the ending.
So one of the things that made me smile so, SO much, was THIS:
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That PURE ABSOLUTE UTTER JOY.
We have not seen ANYTHING like that from demon Crowley. We've seen him be drunk and silly, we've seen him be amused, but we've not seen this.
Now, let's consider what we know about Heaven:
It's never fully populated. ALL of the shots are completely devoid of angels, except for a few, who are almost always just getting somewhere and never really talking to each other.
Where I thought the archangels were a tight clan, it really looks like they're super catty and prone to jealousy. No doubt they would stab each other in the back happily if it came down to it. How much of Heaven is like that, if even the archangels all hate each other?
Aziraphale already has a nervous disposition when he meets Crowley. Is he perhaps an angel that NEVER fit in? Is he familiar with being ostracized by his peers? Just how lonely IS Heaven? Crowley seems to be a pretty powerful angel, and HE doesn't even know that it's all getting shut down in 6000 years -- it's like no one talks to anyone.
Aziraphale, during their whole meeting, looks absolutely smitten. At one point, Crowley goes, "Look at you! You're gorgeous!" and Aziraphale looks over with happy surprise, just before realizing he's not looking at him but rather at what he's created. And then, when Crowley starts going on about making suggestions and asking questions, Aziraphale is IMMEDIATELY concerned and doesn't want him to get into trouble.
Aziraphale is hooked on this angel, and I cannot help but think that this is perhaps the first angel who has ever WELCOMED Aziraphale into his company.
He is hooked on this angel, and the way Crowley smiles is with the light of all the stars he's just created, and it's infectious and it brings a smile to Aziraphale's face as well. And then this angel shields him from the oncoming falling stars.
He is hooked on this angel, and then this angel goes and joins the Great Rebellion, and becomes fallen himself.
"You were an angel once," Aziraphale said, softly, at the bandstand. He remembers.
I think it's reasonable to guess that Heaven has never felt so warm as it did in the presence of millions of exploding stars, next to the (arch?)angel that may perhaps be one of the few (only?) to pay him any positive attention.
I think it's reasonable to assume that Heaven was not the same after Crowley fell. I wouldn't be surprised to find out Aziraphale had wondered about the angel, wondered if he was okay. I would imagine that Aziraphale keeps that picture of pure, angelic, unbridled joy somewhere inside of him.
So, really, is it any surprise that threaded throughout EVERY interaction, Aziraphale has this deep-down feeling that Crowley is good? Would it be any surprise that Aziraphale, an angel who goes along with Heaven as far as he can (which isn't always), feels that if HE is still an angel, then what was done to Crowley was a great injustice?
I think it would make sense that we are shown "before the beginning" not just because it is fun, but because THIS is the foundational context for everything Aziraphale thinks Crowley is, everything Crowley enjoys. I think he remembers this moment and wishes he could live there forever. With Crowley. The two of them with this happiness, forever.
But nothing lasts forever, as much as he wishes it did.
I'm not saying Aziraphale was right with what he did to Crowley at the end of s2. There is a lot I think he did wrong. I think he held onto this picture so tightly, he didn't realize that Crowley had long since let it go, and painted a new one with Aziraphale with all the shades of grey he picked up as he sauntered (or plummeted) vaguely downward (into a pool of boiling sulfur).
I don't think he was right, but I do think he is understandable. I think there was a lot of selfishness, but also some misguided selflessness too. I watched that first scene with angelic Crowley and my heart actually broke a little, because I thought, "What a shame this joy was taken away from him."
I think Aziraphale is trying to right the injustice he feels has been done. But I also think Aziraphale doesn't realize that Crowley can never go back. The concept of falling never crossed Crowley's mind when he suggested that he ask a few questions, and he will NEVER get that kind of innocence back. And Aziraphale doesn't understand, because Heaven has clearly always just been that way for him (he is already aware of the danger of asking questions).
Crowley does not want to go back because he can never go back. He can never be the same angel he was when he thought he could build a universal machine that would crank out stars for eons and eons. He can never be the same angel he was when he thought he could make some suggestions and ask some questions and co-create with THE Creator.
Crowley understands that, and Aziraphale doesn't. But I can understand why Aziraphale would want to try. And I think it's all because of this:
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peppermintquartz · 3 months ago
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Canon divergence in that Buck does call Tommy the next time he's free, asking to go up in a chopper (instead of the harebrained scheme of going to the BBPU game)
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"And that's my favorite view," says Tommy, angling the helicopter to face the Pacific. It's late in the morning so sunlight glitters on the water like diamonds scattered on blue silk.
Buck shields his eyes with his hands. "It's beautiful!" he exclaims, almost giddy with delight at the panorama.
"It is. And at night, I like to look the other way, at the city spread out before me." Tommy's aviator sunglasses hide his eyes but his big smile is on full display.
Buck can't help the shiver in his belly every time he looks at Tommy. It's clear the air is his element. Already Buck knows that Tommy is very competent - they wouldn't have pulled off the rescue otherwise - but here, without anything to distract them, Buck sees how the chopper is an extension of Tommy himself. A deft touch, a slight adjustment, and the vehicle moves smoothly for Tommy to point out different landmarks from the sky.
By the time they land, Buck's spirits are still soaring. He's spent forty minutes flying with Tommy, who not only talked about the mechanics of flying, but also answered almost all of Buck's questions without ever sounding bored. In fact, he seems happy that Buck has done some research before he came for the ride.
"Okay, now I really need to buy you that beer, and also a meal." Buck wants to bounce on his heels. He feels lighter than air, like he's just a balloon full of happy emotions.
Tommy grins, shrugging as he tucks his aviators into a pocket. "I'm free for the rest of the day," he says. Ducking his head, he adds, "Didn't feel too good leaving you alone the other day to go watch the fight, but I didn't think we'd take two hours to tour Harbor Station either."
Buck's cheeks flush. He remembers being irrationally angry when Eddie and Tommy flew off, and he did go home to pummel his pillow a little before sulking. But he's done the mature thing, which is ask Tommy for a flight demo, instead of something insane like figure out what other activities he would be doing or events he would attend and try to show up there like a toy surprise.
"Well, that was because I wanted to find out so much, and it's really your fault, because you answered everything in detail." Buck falls in step with the older man as they head to Tommy's car. "You have to be accountable for your mistakes."
Tommy laughs. Buck feels tingly and proud that he's made that happen. Daringly, he nudges Tommy's elbow with his.
"So, what would you like for lunch?" Buck asks. "My treat, as thanks for the flight."
"Sure," says Tommy with an easy smile. As they approach the car, Tommy halts.
Buck stops as well, a little concerned. "Everything okay?"
Tilting his head, Tommy studies Buck, and then his expression grows a little more nervous and serious. "I... I don't wanna presume anything, and I want you to know that, regardless of anything I'm about to say, I wanna be your friend."
Buck blinks at the older man. "Okay, um. What's this about?"
"Evan, before we go to lunch, I kinda wanna know what's going on here? I mean..." Tommy licks his lips, and Buck's gaze snaps to Tommy's mouth. "You're adorable and you're funny and, well. You're a gorgeous guy. I'm not... I'm not really sure why you wanna spend time with me. And I don't wanna get my hopes up if this is just me reading the signs wrongly."
"Uh, signs?"
Tommy's face falls. He glances away, wiping his hand over his mouth, and licks his lips again. "Shit. I've read you wrong."
Buck reaches out to touch Tommy's wrist. "Tommy, I'm not sure what you're saying."
Tommy looks back at Buck, blue eyes taking in the younger man's expression, and sighs. He flips his hand over to hold the tips of Buck's fingers.
"Hell. Might as well lay my cards out," he mutters, mostly to himself, and then looks - really looks - at Buck. "Evan, I'm gay. And these couple times we've met up, I really, really like how we click. I like your energy, and how earnest and open you are. And it doesn't hurt that you are one of the most attractive men I've ever met, and I really like spending time with you, and I'm hoping... I'm hoping I can ask you out for a date and maybe we can... find out if we could. If we could be more than friends."
There's an anxious cast to his features. Buck can see Tommy's jaw clench and the nervous swallow, and a part of Buck's mind is screaming static. Another part of him is frantically stammering, "I'm just an ally!!" But thankfully that part of him has no control of his mouth, because he instead steps closer to Tommy and-
Oh. Oh.
So that's how it feels to kiss a guy.
He pulls back slightly, but is stopped by the touch of fingers under his chin, and Tommy draws him back for a second kiss, his head angled, and-
Wow. Wow, okay. They're near the airfield in the parking lot and the breeze is cool and the sun is shining nice and warm and they are kissing, Buck is kissing Tommy and this feels right.
When they finally separate, possibly two centuries later, Buck blinks at Tommy. His face feels hot and his skin is tingling. With a small, happy grin, he says, "I would say yes to the date, if that helps."
Tommy chuckles. He licks his lips again and Buck forces himself to look away from those lips. "Okay. I'd like to ask you out on a date on Saturday night, if you're free."
"I... I'm free." Buck's grin grows brighter. He tilts his head. "Lunch, now?"
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