#it's not that the entire series was bad I mean Bea was great

[danwhobrowses]

I mean, I may be in the minority in this, but perhaps the reason why it feels wrong for Ash to win the whole thing is because it is wrong?

For me at least, Ash winning in Alola was a huge mistake, and this whole World Tournament Series has been a terrible mess which has completely mocked past series' work towards making Elite Four members and Champions appear on another level to regular trainers and Gym Leaders. The fact that Ash struggled more against Faba in Alola than he did against Raihan - Galar's number 2 trainer - speaks volumes, and Ash beating Wallace mostly off-screen speaks even greater volumes, and the fact that we're going to throw Diantha, Lance, Cynthia, Steven and Alain under the bus for this is painful.

I don't even know why Iris is here either, Ash already beat her this series and now suddenly she's one place higher than him? Did Pokémon's writers really run out of ideas of who to put for a top 8? (not that ranking actually means anything, Ash went up from 15th to 9th in one battle, the writers clearly don't know how ranking really works).

And come on, we all know for whose benefit Alain is here for; the salty fans whose complaining caused the writers to make Ash win the haphazard and underbuilt farce that was the Alola league in the first place. The fact that Ash is going to beat Alain is gonna be sad to watch since people are gonna treat this like vindication that him winning in XY was wrong even though it was narratively the correct move, and that their complaining is the reason the anime has been in such a downward spiral in terms of Ash's journey to mastery since.

Call me old-fashioned, but when I envisioned Ash winning the league, both as a kid and adult, I was expecting something more on the lines of how the Sinnoh league did it: with Ash using every tool at his disposal with actual clever strategy (rather than things that shouldn't work at all like 'Swallowing' a Weather effect away) and no special treatment like Ash-Greninja or Dusk Lycanroc forms or whatever this Aura no Willpower thing is with Lucario which nobody else is allowed because only Ash 'really wants to win'. Also you know, actual effort? Not battles Ash can win in 4 attacks or less, absolutely NOT 'or less'. Also unpredictability, the fact that we all know that Ash is going to face Leon means this whole top 8 stuff is meaningless, there's no fear that Ash will lose like there was with Kanto to Sinnoh, at least then you could feel invested through more than one battle.

Honestly Journeys has been a mess in terms of plot lines, Ash's World Coronation plots get dropped for months of fillers and silly bobbins (which there is a place for, but not at this amount) and then we get 2 episodes where Ash's Pokémon learns a move or power which helps them win the battle the very next episode, and between that Goh's Project Mew stuff also gets dropped and picked up at rare times. Ash's team is an undertrained motley crew of what the writers deem as fan favourite Pokémon, while Goh's team are barely existent and a waste of the Starters given how Goh regularly drops them the moment they evolve and fulfill their usefulness to him, and of course we can't say anything about Chloe because Chloe is barely a character at this point, she's just a vehicle to showcase an Eeveelution from time to time. Team Rocket barely get used too which is a huge shame, as is not actually utilizing Galar, their characters and Pokémon at the proper capacity and esteem.

Tl;Dr? I want Ash to lose, he barely ever loses now and when he does he always gets his win back, he's the Hulk Hogan of Pokémon and it doesn't feel like the anime puts any effort into it anymore, so I'd like to see him get squashed, realise he needs to actually invest in being a proper trainer again and correct the course for whatever the Scarlet/Violet anime is; you didn't need to try and fix what wasn't broken.

[purple-eyesgreydragon]

Trollstopia season 7 thoughts!

⚠️Spoilers⚠️

I ADORED THIS SEASON!!!!! PERFECT ENDIND TO THE SERIES WE LOVE AND ADORE💖💜💙💚💛🧡❤️!!!!!

Can I just say I loved the epic score and narration Lownote and the Classicals did😄! And Barb called classical boring😂! But we really do all just need a quiet moment to just chill. I’m honestly note surprised that classical barely, if not ever learned to walk. Honestly their limbs are so small anyway flying has probably always been the best way to get around. Minuet is sooo understanding! She didn’t even got upset, she’s the best💛!

Man my OC Vesper the Shapeshifter would’ve been the perfect apprentice for Cloud Guy! Total prankster she is, very mischievous! And her shapeshifting would give her a mess with advantage. All the trolls’ prank attempts were adorable😊😅! Synth, Dante We’ve seen trolls do actual pranks plenty of times. They have an entire holiday dedicated to it! Guess they’re too soft hearted. Kinda figured Cloud Guy wouldn’t actually have gone. Messing with Branch is his calling. Ya never know what you have until it’s gone Val. Perhaps the only way for her to truly appreciate Demo was simply to let him go for that time. I think he needed it too, learned not to be too smothering. And Dante gets an excellent manager in Lagoona. Although in her very focused natured she seemed almost in a bad mood.

Synth and Poppy are so considerate💖💜! I did agree with them. Without proper rest you get thing properly and you’ll slip up a bunch! Practice doesn’t always make perfect. Usually I hate vampire stories. But this style was much more acceptable! Ironic Guy would grow a liking for wearing clothes, given that the last time he did he ripped them off and said “naked for life!”. I’m very surprised the bats didn’t look anything like Debbie. Once again an episode I could easily see Dub Skull in, he’d love it🖤💚!

Still don’t like Pushy Poppy, the way she talks still great annoys me. But HA! The greatest victories have no battles! The best way to defeat your enemy is to make them your friend! Or at least in this case friends with each other. They’ll be so busy being friends they won’t have time to be evil and conquer Trollstopia! I love it! Friendship wins the day again! I loved the team up of Synth, Demo, and DJ! I kinda figured just by looking at the critters they were called rockoons (maybe that’s what we should call galarian zigzagoons😂!). What do you mean you’re not the lead type Synth? You lead the techno trolls of Trollstopia in Trollex’s stead! Lastly Poppy I appreciate your patience and confidence but those three aren’t the most perspective and likely to catch on.

Who hasn’t in their childhood built a blanket fort? Who hasn’t blown bubbles in their milk, or put olives on their fingers? I pity those who haven’t. If Tiny need blankets, I have plenty to go around! Most are trolls😅😂! And besides my bed one I don’t use them often anyway. I seriously hope the coming generation don’t turn out like R&B in the pancake episode. Instead of letting the modern tech we have do everything ALL the time. Sometimes knowing the old fashion way is important. In the event we don’t have the tech.

There’s a reason people still like sad stories. Sure they’re sad, and no one likes being sad. But they can be relatable, and heart softening. We all need a moment to cry, helps us be more understanding and sensitive. That’s why I like the Titanic, a Dog’s Journey, or Hachiko. They’re sad but we learn from them. Serving the community is important Val. If the rock trolls love and respect you, of course they’ll understand it! Even if it’s something silly. Besides you’re trolls, you’re already naturally silly.

Val really has come a long way, I’m so proud of her growth! Doing so much ACTUAL hard work all for her friends😍! They know how easygoing she is and how she’s changed, also she wasn’t blind to how awful that cabin was. They can always think of other girls trips together. One awesome one and hopefully more to come for them! OMG MY HEART WAS BEATING SO FAST FREAKING OUT SEEING THE TECHTACULAR KING TROLLEX!!!!! Makes sense out of all the leaders he’d be the first to expand the Trollstopian culture exchanging way of life. Besides Poppy he feels the most open of the leaders. The fact that HE is also a big fan of Trollstopia😍🤩! AND THEY PICKED WHO I WAS HOPING FOR LIKE A MONTH THEY’D PICK TO MOVE WITH HIM! YEAH, DJ Suki!!!!! I was afraid Poppy was comprising the selection. I understand she doesn’t want to say goodbye to anyone. But they shouldn’t keep the joys of Trollstopia all too themselves. Imagine one day all the different living together in all the other tribes homes! Trollex is just the one to make the next step. At first I was so excited and overjoyed DJ got selected. But then seeing her go, the sadness of saying bye to her set in😔. Them all saying goodbye to her for a whole year, the fact they went totally heavy on the feels too, I got emotional! I hope we (the fans) actually get to see her again. Val had a point all the other tribes they had to say goodbye to when they moved there. It was the Pop trolls who didn’t move away from anything. Which made Suki an even greater selection. Just as the other tribes shared apart of their communities, the trolly thing to do is for Pop to do the same for them. Seeing Suki leave with Trollex by the way strengthened my ship for them TEN FOLD!!! Now them living in the same place for a time could increase the chances of it actually happening even more! DO IT DREAMWORKS!!!!! Too bad Anthony Ramos couldn’t come back. He’s probably busy getting ready for Ironheart and Beast Wars. But the substitute of named Anthony also😂! I feel like Suki leaving to live with Trollex in Techno Reef should give a lot of plot relevance for the 3rd movie. I mean both her a Trollex are criminally under spotlighted and they’ll initiate the geater scale inter-tribal growth. If that and they are ignored in Trolls 3 I will be GREATLY UPSET! In tears for the ending I of course sung along with all the trolls, the Trollstopia theme song😭. TROLLSTOPIA FOREVER💖❤️🧡💛💚💙💜!!!!!

[talesofafangirlwithadvr]

April 2021 Picks

And we’re back with the end to another month. April! Wow! Lots more great picks to talk about this time. Lots of new ones to the list too. So, let’s dive in!

Spoiler territory ahead!

THE FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER

or should I say Captain America and the Winter Soldier

I just finished the finale last night, so it felt right to start off with The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. I really enjoyed it and I feel the episodes got stronger as the series went on. Each one felt like a mini-movie and I was upset it was over and had to wait another week for another one. I think the finale was my favorite. Especially the reveal of Sam as Captain America. I love his suit, his speech and the montage of everyone watching him. The last part of the episode was definitely my favorite and one I can watch on repeat. I loved seeing happy Bucky and him goofing off with the kids in Louisiana. He deserves so much happiness as he has now accepted he’s no longer who he once was. Bucky and Sam’s relationship is fantastic and I can’t wait to see it more. I know there’s a possibility of a second season and they have to be in a future MCU movie. Regarding the villain, I feel I was confused for most of the show as to what their objective was. I’m curious if this is because they had to reshoot parts during the pandemic. I also am mad with Sharon. Like what happened with her? She is definitely the true villain of the show. I also don’t love that we haven’t seen the end of Walker (but Wyatt Russell did a fantastic job). I also loved Torres and I hope he becomes the next Falcon. Definitely so different vibes from Wandavision, but just as good!

THE IRREGULARS

This is a show that more people need to be talking about! It was SO GOOD! I feel like I heard some buzz about it when it first came out, but not much after. It follows the teens featured about who live on the streets during Victorian London. The leader of their group, Bea gets approached by Dr. John Watson (that’s right...as in Sherlock and Watson) to take on a case that has more supernatural qualities. The story takes off from there. I think the group dynamic was fantastic. There wasn’t a character I didn’t like and each one brought something else important to the group (which they even bring up towards the end of the show). [I’ve watched a few cast interviews since finishing the finale and they seem like they get along really well in real life too.] There is a kind of love triangle, but it didn’t bother me and was over fast. I did like both combinations though. Lots of twists and turns along the journey. I have no idea if there will be another season, but there should be. It didn’t end on a major cliffhanger, but definitely ended in a way where it could continue nicely. Come on Netflix. 

HBO’S THE NEVERS

From one show set in Victorian times to the next. The Nevers just premiered on HBO and HBO Max earlier this month. It follows an ensemble of characters, similar to other HBO shows, ranging from characters who are called “the touched” to men in government who are against them. Being “touched” means they have a special talent or power, which can range from healing to speaking other languages, being extremely tall, or being an expectational inventor (I seriously love Penance. I just don’t know how to explain her ability). Amalia True and Penance Adair are two of the main characters and they help bring in others who are touched to a remodeled orphanage that is a safe haven for people like them. Of course there are those who are against them existing. This seems to be at least two groups as someone is abducting and experimenting on some of the touched, but we don’t know who they are...yet. I love the fusion of a historical setting with a fantasy element. I am very excited to see where the show is headed. I also love seeing so many of my favorite British actors on the screen together.      

ONCE UPON A TIME IN WONDERLAND

Time for a throw back. Fans of ABC’s Once Upon a Time might remember the short lived spin off following Alice in Wonderland (and some of Aladdin). It only lasted for one season of 13 episodes, but I remember loving it and I am so happy I can rewatch it on Disney Plus. It reminds me of why I enjoyed OUAT so much and I think this show deserved another season or more crossover with the original show. (Luckily the Knave got that opportunity.) I think it should have aired as a summer show or when OUAT was on hiatus, this way more fans would have tuned in. It is something I’ll believe forever. 

Anyway, I’ll stop ranting now... I love Alice. I think she’s a badass and a fierce warrior. If you follow some of my posts on my other blog, Lydia-yougowith-Stiles, you’ll know that I love a warrior romance and Cyrus and Alice fit that perfectly (even if they are apart for much of the series). I also love Alice’s hair and outfits. Everything about her is cool. Her relationship with the Knave is one of my favorite friendships ever. I think they balance each other out so well and how they spend most of the journey together. Back in the day, I totally shipped them, but now I definitely don’t. (Even though I don’t love Anastasia.) This is definitely worth the watch if you’ve ever heard of Once Upon a Time or not. There is very cheesy CGI especially for 2013, but once you get pass that you’ll love it. 

ZOEY’S EXTRAORDINARY PLAYLIST

It was on a longer break than I expected, and I didn’t miss it as much as I thought I would (which I know doesn’t sound good for a show), but I am still loving all the episodes this season. It feels like there are more musical numbers, which I love. Mandy Moore is killing it with the choreography. There are so many amazing moments. I also was a big fan of the newest glitch episode. Everyone is so talented and I also like that we’ve started to hear from more like Jenna and Tobin. Leif has become one of my favorites. I don’t love the new neighbor next door, but I think we’re done with his storyline. I’m not loving the Zoey love triangle, but I do like her with either Simon or Max. She seems really happy with Simon now. (FYI: I haven’t watched the most recent episode yet. The glitch one was my latest.) Can’t wait for more!    

KUNG FU

CW’s newest show this month was Kung Fu, which I just learned was a reboot. It follows Nicky who returns after 3 years to her home in San Francisco. Her family has mixed feelings as she has had no contact with them for the last 3 years. She is now a Kung Fu master and warrior, out to avenge her mentor’s death and stop a villain from acquiring mythical weapons. The show gives me Arrow vibes every time I watch it. It has similar flashbacks each episode to an earlier time in Nicky’s life. While Nicky’s mission is different, the style just gives me early seasons of Arrow vibes, which I am not complaining about. It stars Legacies’ Alyssa Chen, who I didn’t love on Legacies, but instantly fell in love with Nicky. I think she’s a bad ass character and love how she’s fighting for the underdogs on the streets of San Fran, while also taking down a bigger evil. The love triangle is heating up and I’m definitely team Henry (even though there’s some mystery there). I think he’s great and once again we have an awesome warrior romance. They balance each other so well and it’s only been like 3 episodes. Now they’ve also been sleuthing together and it’s just amazing. 

NANCY DREW

Are you sick of hearing me talk about CW’s Nancy Drew? I hope not because I’m going to fangirl again. I LOVE THIS SHOW SO MUCH! I can’t wait till Wednesday comes and I tune in a little after it starts, so then I can fast forward on my DVR. Then when the episode is over I basically start it all over again and watch select scenes that were awesome. (More specifically, they tend to be Nancy and Ace scenes because I love them and we’re entering so much angst I don’t know if my heart will be able to handle it!!!) 

I’ll say it a thousand times: THIS CAST IS EVERYTHING! Their dynamic is amazing. You can have any match ups and it’ll be a great time. There is not one person I don’t like. I was so upset that there wasn’t a new episode last week (especially because it was my birthday). I loved the last one with the Hardy Boys and that Nace reveal! OMG! I’m so sad that Grant has left again because we barely had him, but I feel he’ll eventually come back. He has to. I loved the ending when he spoke to Thom by signing to him. (My heart!) I seriously can’t say enough great things about this show. It is not your typical CW show and deserves more love and views. So happy a third season has already been confirmed!! 

LAST NOTES

Just started Shadow and Bone on Netflix and am loving it! I’m sure I’ll have an entire post dedicated to it when I’m done. (Currently going to start episode 6.) I have no background on the universe or the books (just what my sister is filling me in with as we watch). I definitely plan on reading Six of Crows after this!

So what are you enjoying? Let me know. I’m always looking for more shows to add to the list! Can never have enough. 

[samanthadalton]

So we meet again part 2

since a few of you guys wanted a part 2 i thought i would give it a go, hope you enjoy. I wanted to do a mix between past and present so i’ve stated which parts are the past etc also there’ll be a part 3 which will be the finale, I’ll write that soon 💜

pairings: Poppy x Bea 

taglist: @cloud9in @somewillwin @alleycat97 @baexpoppy @save-me-the-last-dance @helpconfusedpersonhere @dopeyouth @iamsimpforpoppy @alexlabhont @thedaft1 @veenast @cloakanddaggerthings 

wordcount: 3.4k 

slightly NSFW also there might be swearing, i can’t remember tbh (it’s like 2am rn im sorry) 

also part 1 is here in case you need a refresher💜

--------

Bea and Poppy roll around in the bed, playfully, as Bea peppers kisses all over Poppy’s body, while pressing her body into the mattress. 

“Bea that tickles.” 

“Really?” Bea removes her hands from Poppy’s wrists and begins tickling her sides. 

“Please..stop..” Poppy says in between giggles and huffs. Eventually Bea moves her hands and is met with a pillow smashing into her face. 

“OW!” Bea cries out, as she rubs her face, a hint of a smile ghosts on her face. 

“I told you I hate being tickled,” Poppy huffs, expertly hiding her smile as Bea continues rubbing her face. “I’m sorry. Want me to kiss it better?” Bea pouts, nodding her head as she inches forward puckering her lips. Poppy rolls her eyes, placing a chaste kiss on Bea’s lips and just as she pulls away, Bea crashes her lips back into hers, eliciting a moan from the strawberry blonde. 

“That’s a kiss,” Bea teases, in retort Poppy playfully shoves her before leaning against the headboard. Bea lays her head on the pillow, shifting her body to face her girlfriend. “Hey can I ask you something?” 

“You’ll ask even if I say no,” Poppy jests. 

Bea leans up on her elbows, her expression sobering, “look Pops, these last two months have been amazing but I want to take you out on a real date.” 

Poppy groans, “not this again Bea.” 

“Hey, hey, let me finish,” Bea says pleadingly, Poppy rubs her temples, her silence indicating for Bea to continue, “I like what we have right now, just chilling and making out and stuff but I want to take you out on a real date. Somewhere public where I can show you off and make random strangers jealous of me because I’m dating the prettiest girl ever. All of this sneaking around is just reminding me of college.” 

*Flashback* 

As Bea climbs through Poppy’s window, her leg gets caught  in the curtains and she tumbles onto the floor, as the items on Poppy’s desk, plummet to the ground. 

“God damn it Farmsville, why not alert the entire sorority of your presence?” 

“Geez, it was an accident,” Bea dusts herself off, before picking up the fallen items and placing them back. “So what the hell is so urgent that you have me in your room at 1am and why couldn’t I go through the front door?” 

“Ew, don’t say it like that.” Poppy scrunches her nose up in disgust, “it’s not like that.”

“So why am I here?” 

“You’re number 1 at Belvoire now, think of this as my final consultation before you officially become queen.” 

“I was named queen the second they gave me the award, and I certainly don’t need any advice you have to offer.” 

Poppy visibly becomes irritated, her face etches into a scowl, “remember that I ruled this school for 3 years, and judging by recent events like your little plight with Kingsley, you’ve already got some enemies. Remember heavy is the head that wears the crown.” 

Bea lets out a humourless laugh, “don’t worry I have a plan.” Poppy raises an eyebrow, intrigued, “I’ll do the opposite of everything you did. I won’t backstab my friends, I won’t be a bitch to everyone and I’ll treat everyone with kindness and respect.” 

“Don’t forget Hughes, it was exactly that kind of subterfuge that got you in my spot in the first place.” 

“No, it helped me get into the top 15 I’ll admit, but everything else was careful strategy and just being a decent human being. You would be surprised how many people were desperate for your reign of tyranny to end.”

Poppy huffs, “funny how you act like people hate me so much when they would do anything just for a fraction of my attention.” Poppy takes a step forward, a sneer expression on her face. 

Bea snorts, “get off your high horse.” 

“Eurgh no farm jokes.” 

“I- I’m not going to even comment. So is that all you wanted or was there something else?” 

“What else do you think I want?” 

“I thought this was going to be about what happened at the fountain.” Poppy freezes for a split second, a blush creeping up on her cheeks, her mouth hangs open but no words come out. “Oh come on Pops, don’t act like you haven’t thought about what happened at least once or twice over the summer,” Bea flashes a smug grin which seems to bring Poppy back to reality. 

“Please,” she scoffs, “you’re giving yourself too much credit, that kiss was mediocre at best.”  

Bea raises an eyebrow, “liar.” Bea takes a step forward, “That kiss was mind-blowingly good. So good that on the first day back at Belvoire, you needed to make up a dumb excuse for me to sneak up to your room at 1am.” Poppy presses her lips together in a thin line, her eyes carefully roam Bea’s, waiting. Without any hesitation, Bea places her hands on Poppy’s hips, pulling her close to her as she presses her lips against Poppy’s, desire instantly building between the two of them. 

Poppy feels her eyes rolling to the back of her head, as Bea peppers kisses on her neck, and has to stifle a moan when Bea runs her tongue over her jaw. 

“Bea…stop with the foreplay.” Poppy feels Bea’s lips quirk up against her neck, but Bea continues kissing her neck, only frustrating Poppy more. “God Farmsville,” Poppy growls, she pushes Bea away from her and pulls her towards her bed, before straddling her lap. 

“Taking charge?” 

“I always take charge,” Poppy retorts, her lips ghosting around Bea’s until she playfully bites Bea’s bottom lip before sucking on it. “But I’m feeling nice today,” Poppy runs her forefinger down Bea’s body, evoking goosebumps, “so maybe I’ll let you be in control, just this once.” 

“So you’re planning on doing this again?” Bea teases as her lips quirk up into a wide grin as she flips their positions, pushing the strawberry blonde deep into her mattress, already locked in a passionate embrace before Poppy can retort. Bea places her hands around Poppy’s wrists placing her above her head, her eyes piercing into Poppy’s as she does so, in an attempt to demonstrate her dominance. Just as she leans in for another kiss, a loud series of knocks breaks them apart. 

“Hey P, you up?” Veronica’s voice rings through the room. 

Poppy silently motions for Bea to leave as she erratically flaps her arms towards the window. Bea wordlessly runs to the window and just as she’s about to climb out Poppy whispers, “don’t tell anyone about this, now hurry up.” 

*Present* 

Poppy averts her gaze from Bea, a guilty look on her face, “I’m sorry but college was different. I wasn’t ready for the world to know about us, I mean I barely understood what I felt for you.” 

Bea stares at Poppy with a hopeful look in her eyes, “but now you do.” She takes one of Poppy’s hands in hers, “look there’s no expectation to be super fancy, we can do something lowkey, just so we get a feel of being out together in public.” 

Poppy sighs, “fine.” Bea’s face lights up and Poppy can’t help but feel the butterflies in her stomach, “so where were you thinking?”

“I was thinking we would go to my restaurant.” 

“Digne d'une reine? That’s kinda high maintenance no?” 

“No, I meant Farmsville. I think it’s time for you to see the restaurant which you inspired.” 

Poppy bites her bottom lip, unable to stop herself from smiling, “okay.” 

……

A few weeks later, Poppy and Bea finally find the time out of their busy schedules to have their first date. As Bea leads Poppy into the small diner, Poppy stands awkwardly to the side as Bea leads her into one of the booths in the back. Poppy’s gaze darts around the room, wondering why the restaurant is so busy on a Sunday evening. 

“Hey, is everything okay?” Bea calls out to Poppy who looks lost in her own thoughts. 

“Yeah, great,” Poppy gives her girlfriend a small smile that doesn’t reach her eyes, as she nervously darts her gaze around the room, feeling as if all eyes are of them. 

Bea senses Poppy’s discomfort and reaches over the table, taking Poppy’s hand in hers, “hey if you wanna go…” 

Poppy violently shakes her head no, “no, I said it’s fine Bea.” She pulls her hand out of Bea’s and sits in silence until the waitress approaches the table handing the girls’ a menu each. 

“Hey Bea,” the waitress flashes the girl a bright smile, as she stands with a notebook in her hand. 

“Hey Cecila, how’s it going today?” 

“Not bad, it’s been kinda busy, but we miss seeing your face around here.” 

Bea lets out a small chuckle, “Don’t worry I’ll be back next week for a bit. I’m just glad we have you looking out for this place here otherwise it would’ve gone down in flames, literally. Jerry would’ve accidentally set fire to the kitchen if it wasn’t for you.” 

The waitress lets out a boisterous laugh, causing Poppy to furrow her brows as she reaches over, possessively interlacing her hand with Bea’s. “Hmm, funny.” The women stop laughing and look over to see Poppy’s unimpressed face. Bea expertly hides her smirk as she realises what’s going on. 

“Cecila,” Bea clears her throat, “this is Poppy-” 

“The girlfriend,” Poppy interjects. 

Cecilia gives Poppy a bright smile, “I was wondering when I was going to meet you! Bea would not stop talking our ears off about you.” Cecile playfully pushes Bea shoulder with her hand, “and she told me you were gorgeous but you are even more beautiful in person.” 

“Thanks,” Poppy bluntly replies, twirling a strand of her hair. 

“Well I’ll come back in a few minutes so y’all can look over the menu in the meantime.” Cecile gives a polite smile before moving to the next table. Once she’s gone, Poppy slips her hand out of Bea’s, but just as she lets go, Bea grabs her wrist pulling it back, a wide grin plastered on her face. 

“You’re jealous,” she says matter of factly. 

Poppy scoffs, “I don’t do jealousy, shut up.” 

Bea smiles, clearly enjoying herself, “yeah you are.” Poppy stares daggers at Bea, a scowl appearing on her face, “you don’t have to worry, I don’t think Cecile’s husband and kid would appreciate her leaving them for me.” 

“What?” 

“Yeah, she’s super straight, and married.” 

“Oh,” a blush appears on Poppy’s face as she looks away embarrassed. The strawberry blonde pulls away her hand as Bea loosens her grip on her wrist. 

“This isn’t the first time you’ve been jealous.” 

Poppy raises an unimpressed eyebrow at her girlfriend, “what the hell are you talking about?” 

“Come on, the Christmas party? Don’t tell me you don’t tell me you don’t remember.” 

*Flashback*

As the months went on, Bea and Poppy would meet up a couple of times a week for casual sex. They had set some ground rules, they can only meet up in Poppy’s bedroom, no cuddling afterwards, Bea would either have to sneak out through Poppy’s window or through the back door of the sorority if everyone else was asleep, and  no feelings could be involved. Poppy had been adamant to Bea about how sex was only a release for her frustrations and for the girl not to read too much into it because it meant nothing. But the Christmas party was just the beginning of the lines starting to blur. 

Just as Bea enters the frat house, she takes in the spirited atmosphere of the party, the loud thumping bass music, drumming in her ears as she makes her way over to the drinks station, pouring a drink for her and Zoey. 

“It’s really loud!” Bea shouts over the music. 

“What?” Zoey replies, as she takes one of the cups from Bea’s hands. 

“What?” 

“Yeah totally. Hey I’ll catch up with you soon, there’s a super cute girl over there.” Zoey lumbers over to the other side of the room, leaving the girl on her own. For a while she mingles with a few different groups, an obligation for the queen of Belvoire, but when Veronica begins not so subtly flirting with Bea, she can’t help but flirt back, especially when Veronica looks this good. 

They standing in the corner of the living room, as Veronica begins whispering into Bea’s ear about the party and how idiotic the football team look while playing strip pong but when Poppy walks through the living room in a skin tight pink dress, all rational thoughts are thrown out of the window for Bea. 

As if she can feel the girl’s eyes on her, Poppy swings her hips slightly as she walks past, a glimmer of a smile of her face, as Bea’s eyes follow her until Veronica breaks her out of her reverie. 

“You okay?” 

Bea deftly glances at Poppy to see her casually talking with Chloe, paying no attention to her, “yeah I’m good. Dance with me?” She holds out her hand which Veronica accepts as Bea leads her into the makeshift dance floor. Veronica presses her body against Bea’s, her hips grinding into Bea’s front, Bea places her hands on Veronica’s hips, only enhancing the friction between them. 

Poppy looks over to see Bea and Veronica dancing together as feels a burning sensation in her chest, it wasn’t jealousy, she wouldn’t admit to that but she did not enjoy seeing Veronica rubbing herself all over Bea. She leaves the house pulling up Bea’s contact info and texting the girl to meet her in her room asap. 

“I’ll grab us some drinks.” Bea nods as Veronica stalks off towards the drinks table and when she feels her phone buzzing in her pocket, she pulls it out to see a bunch of messages from Poppy saying it’s an emergency. Bea makes her way to the door but Veronica steps in front of her, 2 cups in her hands. 

“Are you leaving?” 

“Yeah, I’m sorry I just have to be somewhere,” Bea darts out of the house, leaving an abandoned Veronica who stands near the front door, confused.

“What’s the emergency?” Bea pants as she runs into Poppy’s room, not bothering to knock, while Poppy is standing near the door and is almost rammed over by Bea. Without a word, Poppy pulls Bea in for a kiss, her hands eagerly hooking around Bea’s neck. 

“Hey, wait,” Bea pulls away, anger written in her face, “what the hell Pops, just stop for a second.” Bea slightly pushes the strawberry blonde back, as she looks down on her. 

“Just please Farmsville, no talking, just kiss me,” Poppy replies, her tone almost begging, almost. 

Bea hesitates slightly, she’s not used to seeing Poppy so desperate, but she gives in. Poppy kisses Bea with urgency, her tongue already tangling with Bea’s, as she moans softly into Bea’s mouth. Bea guides Poppy to the bed, still locked in a kiss as she runs her hands down Poppy’s body, before she moves her hands to her back and begins unzipping her. 

“In a hurry Farmsville?” 

“As sexy as you look in this dress, you look even hotter without it.” Poppy doesn’t say anything but she gives Bea a smile as Bea’s hands continue wandering all over her body. Bea’s fingers ghost around Poppy’s inner thigh, causing the strawberry blonde to squirm slightly, as her hips rise off the bed. 

“Hughes please,” captivated by her pleading, Bea gives her, her thumb begins circling around Poppy’s button as her fingers just tease her entrance. 

“Say my name,” Bea whispers in a low gruff voice and unhesitantly, Poppy moans out Bea’s name. Bea pumps her fingers into Poppy, as she kisses her intensely, even after she feels Poppy’s juices all over her fingers, she continues moving against her, letting her ride out her orgasm. Once Poppy slumps down on the bed, Bea places her fingers in her mouth, tasting Poppy’s desire before pulling the strawberry blonde in for one more kiss. Bea remembers the rules and slides off the bed looking for her clothes before Poppy’s soft voice calls out to her. 

“Stay.” 

“What?” 

“Did I stutter? Stay, it’s late so you might as well stay.” 

“That’s not in the rules.” 

Poppy becomes irritated as she frowns at Bea, “I was just trying to be nice but whatever, leave if you want.” 

Bea knits her eyebrows together, unsure of what to do but against her better instincts she slides back under the covers, while maintaining a safe and wide gap between her and Poppy. “Thanks,” she mumbles out as Poppy just hums in response. 

The atmosphere becomes dense with awkwardness, as they lay in the bed together, unfamiliar with this territory. It isn’t until Bea speaks out that the silence is broken. 

“Hey can I ask you something?” 

Poppy sighs heavily, “even if I say no you’ll still probably ask.” 

“Probably.” The girls slip back into silence until Bea turns on her side, facing the strawberry blonde. “Why did you pull me away from the party?” 

Poppy shrugs, “I was sexually frustrated and our agreement consists of us letting out those frustrations.” 

“But you seemed pretty okay to me, I mean I saw you talking with Chloe and then I was dancing with Veronica and-” Bea falls silent, realisation dawning on her. “You’re jealous.” 

“You know what, I changed my mind, get out.” 

“Come on, I was just dancing with Veronica, I wasn’t going to sleep with her.” 

Poppy glares at Bea as she narrows her eyes, “whatever. I don’t care what you do with her anyway.” 

“Sure.” 

The girls fall back into an awkward silence until Bea feels sleep creeping up on her. Just as she closes her eyes, she hears Poppy’s voice. 

“Bea, you awake?” 

“Hmm?” Bea humans quietly. 

“You awake?” Poppy whispers. 

“Yeah, I am,” she replies, fighting back a yawn, “what’s up?” 

“What do you wanna do once college is over?” 

Bea purses her lips in thought, “it’s kinda stupid, you’ll laugh.” 

“I probably will but tell me anyways.” 

Bea lets out a short laugh, “I've always wanted to own a restaurant.” 

“Seriously?” 

“Yeah.” Bea turns over to face Poppy, she can only make out a few of her features in the dark, but she sees Poppy’s big brown doe eyes staring straight into hers, “I’ve found food as my comfort. My family loved to cook, and growing up on a farm meant we were surrounded by fresh ingredients everywhere. My mom actually taught me how to cook and I’ve been using them as guinea pigs to test out new recipes ever since.” Bea can see a smile appearing on Poppy’s face and can’t help but smile back as she reminisces about the past. “So what about you?” 

“My fate has already been written out for me. Take over the Min Sinclair business and rule the world basically.” 

“Is that it? You’ve never had any other dream?” Poppy shrugs. “Come on, there must be something.” 

Poppy sighs, “I like to draw.” 

“Really? Do you have anything you can show me?” 

“As if Farmsville, it’s private.” 

“Fine, it was worth a try.” 

The girls fall back into silence, only this time it isn’t awkward, it’s almost refreshing. After that night, their nights weren’t always physical, sometimes they would sit there and talk about everything and nothing, and they shared things even their closest friends didn’t even know about each other. 

*Present*

“I was not jealous.” 

“Fine, whatever you say.” 

As the date continues, Poppy visibly relaxes, enjoying the atmosphere of the restaurant as well as the company, as soon she forgets all her earlier doubts and begins truly enjoying herself as she laughs along to Bea’s stupid jokes while telling a few stories and jokes herself. Once Bea pays the bill, after fighting with Poppy for five minutes about wanting to be the perfect gentlewoman, Bea takes Poppy’s hand in hers and leads her to the exit of the restaurant. 

“I have a surprise for you.” She gestures to the huge blank wall at the entrance of Farmsville. “Surprise!” 

Poppy raises an eyebrow confused, “it’s a blank wall wow,” she says her voice dripping with sarcasm. 

“Well it is for now until,” she twists Poppy around, pulling her back to her front, as she whispers against her neck, “you work your magical artist skills and turn it into something beautiful.” 

Poppy gasps as she turns to face Bea, “wait you’re letting me paint it?” 

“Yep, even though you didn’t show me any of your work, I know you’ll do something amazing here, I’ll even pay you if you want.” 

Poppy shakes her head, pulling Bea in for a long kiss, “you’re the best you know that.” 

“Yeah I am pretty awesome.” Poppy grins pulling Bea in for another kiss.

[cloud9in]

The Half of It

A Mc x Poppy fic inspired by the film 

Summary: Bea, the town’s outcast is recruited by the school jock to win Poppy’s heart. But what happens when she starts falling for her as well?

Author’s Note: So this will be a multiple part series that includes scenes heavily inspired from the movie “The Half of It”. I certainly recommend watching it. My version will have different twists and a different ending, and definitely more angst. It will include mature themes as the story progresses.

Warnings for this chapter: Swearing. This is a good thing for now.

Chapter 1- 

“Love is simply the name for desire and pursuit of the whole.”

                                                   - Plato, The Symposium

It is said that when one half finds its other, there’s an unspoken understanding. A unity. And each would know no greater joy....than this. 

 ...Except this is highschool. And in my opinion, there is no other half. Maybe the other half is a paper on Greek God philosophy due at midnight. But make that four papers, including mine. 

 My name is Bea Hughes and let’s just say...this is not a very happy story. Well maybe some parts are, but you’ll have to read to find out. I come from a small town called Farmsville, and when I mean small, I mean really small. Except the highschool seems fucking huge, with never ending hallways and when you do somehow find the end, there’s usually two inbreds eating each others mouths off. Lucky for me I am the epitome of antisocial, reserved, an introvert, or whatever the inferior beings, aka every other senior, calls me when they think I can’t hear. But I hear everything, including that one time Bradley Denbrough, upcoming hotshot actor, or so he claims, found out about a crush a poor unsuspecting freshman had on him. Everybody knew what Bradley and his goons did to that boy, even the adults, but no charges were pressed. This town is as conservative as it gets, but no one knows of my secret. I carry this school on my back when it comes to having everyone graduate, but that’s all I am to them, a pawn. And that’s all I wanted to be, nothing more and nothing less. I preferred to be in the shadows. 

 ***

 ...Except the mandatory Senior Talent Show forced Bea out of her hibernation hole. The thought haunted her as she sat in the dance studio, the last fucking place she wanted to be. Dance was so not a Bea kinda thing, but the blonde knew exactly why she granted herself the misery of picking the class. Poppy Min Sinclair, the golden girl of Farmsville High, the preacher’s daughter on a more serious note. She is...the most fascinating girl Bea ever laid her eyes on even if her boyfriend was a complete asshole who sermonized his duties as her future husband. Like seriously? Poppy has got to have some screws loose to date such a fake loser who plagiarizes all of his speeches at sunday church, and once literally begged Bea to write an apology letter to his father for him after completely upending their summer cabin. Except the blonde wrote the opposite of an apology, it went something like this…

 Dear beloved donkey, I mean dad,

 I am terribly sorry for inviting 20 hookers to the summer cabin. I have these strange impulses and you should at least be grateful I didn’t invite the big boss as well. His wife came though, in many, many ways. You should get the carpet changed. 

 Sincerely, your STD free son

 It was safe to say that Mr. Denbrough had a near heart attack after reading it, and Bea did kinda feel bad, kinda. He never mentioned the letter to Bradley though, instead silently calling up the owner of Teopoli Catholic Summer Camp and essentially deporting the boy to Canada for the summer. No son of his would end up in hell was what the old man preached everyday from then on. It was the quietest summer Bea had ever experienced. 

 Being the towns outcast, Bea could have her fun when she so chooses to, but that didn’t pay the bills. In fact, the multiple essays that people paid her to write was her way of surviving and taking care of her mother. They weren’t very rich but Bea worked with what she had, helping her mother manage the farm, which included getting on her knees and wrestling the pigs. And that’s how she was gifted the name “pig girl”, stupid Bradley and his fake friends just had to wander too far and catch Bea in the act. She swore a remixed video of her hog calling surfaced the web at one point and that gave the blonde her five minutes of fame. Boy was it an awful time in her life. 

 Bea worked her mother’s previous job as station master or signalman for the trains that passed through, even if it barely paid her shit. The secluded feeling of sitting in that booth and having a moment with her thoughts was enough to give her purpose. Bea was fond of poetry and it usually helped her come up with song lyrics.

 Song lyrics…

 That she would have to sing at the talent show. A huge sigh escaped her lips as she slumped further into the ground, maybe hoping she could bury herself six feet under. It wasn’t that Bea hated singing, no she absolutely loved it. Playing her guitar at night and belting out lyrics that only resulted in her mother banging on the ceiling below in efforts to shut the blonde up. But the mere fact that she’d have to sing in front of the ruthless seniors rubbed her the wrong way. Something would go wrong, it always did. Bea was shaken out of her thoughts when Poppy crossed the center of the room, moving her hips slowly to the sound of Rihanna’s voice. The class chose a slow r&b song to choreograph today and of course all eyes were on Poppy.

 If i’m your girl say my name boy

let me know i'm in control

 Her silky blonde locks swayed as she danced to the beat, hands thrusting sensually along her sides. Bea stared in awe, almost like Poppy was the only one in the room and a spotlight illuminated every movement, every curve. Except she definitely wasn’t the only one picturing Poppy in that way. Carter, the school quarterback leaned against the railing, arms crossed and eyes trailing the rise and fall of her chest. 

 Got me wondering, I’m wondering if i'm on your mind

 Bea sat up straighter but nearly lost her bodily functions when Poppy locked eyes with her before spinning away. It was simple eye contact Bea, don’t let it get to your head. You already have multiple lyrics inspired by Poppy offering the bare minimum in human interaction. She doesn’t actually like you. Poppy is popular and has the perfect life...and boyfriend, even if Bea heavily disagrees. Poppy was a bitch of course, but not a bitch bitch. Unlike the other wannabe mean girls, the blonde didn’t give Bea hell, well that was because the girl paid her zero attention. She seemed distant, off in her own world, or well in her parents world learning the strategies of business. Poppy was expected to follow in her parents footsteps and keep up with her reputation of being the richest in town, and of course a faithful future wife. So fun. But the blonde had other prosperous dreams of travelling and following her passion of music and dance. Highschool was her only outlet and she took advantage of it any chance she’d get. Bea knew this because she would ride her bike every friday night to the school and watch Poppy dance from outside the glass window. Maybe Bea realized it was kinda creepy, but she’s dumb enough to not realize her obvious growing attraction. I mean who pedals miles just to watch someone trip on their feet? 

 ***

 The sound of the bell caught everyone's attention and the teacher slowly lowered the music. Bea watched as Bradley approached Poppy and smothered her with kisses and praises. She rolled her eyes painfully, this kind of PDA definitely wasn’t it, she could have gone her whole life without seeing that. She walked silently through the crowd of kids in the hall, everyone was laughing and talking to their friends. All Bea could allow her mind to focus on was the very intimidating billboard of names a few feet across from her. 

 Winter Talent Show Sign-Ups (Mandatory For Seniors)

 Bea glared at it quietly before signing her name on the sheet, sealing her inevitable fate. Through the hustle of students, Carter watched the blonde with a yearning look from afar. This should be great…

 The next few classes were a blur and Bea eventually found herself getting up to hand Ms. Kingsley her paper. The older woman looked at her with a knowing glance as she took a generous sip of her coffee, which was 75% tequila.

 “6 different interpretations on Plato? Colour me impressed Miss Hughes.” 

 Bea shrugs nonchalant, “yeah well would you rather read their actual essays?”

 “Oh hell no.” Kingsley feigns shock as she looks at the stack of papers with a comical expression. She takes another sip, watching her younger, prodigy of a student carefully. “You know there are places outside of this godforsaken town where you can put your talents to use... Real use. I teach at Belvoire University occasionally.” Ina winks and slides Bea an application, studying her initial reaction. “It’s...in New York.”

“Damn right! The Big Apple.”

 “Kingsley you know I have to stay here. It’ll be easier for me to manage the farm and be close to home”, Bea says confidently even though her body language displays otherwise. She predicted the big sigh filling her ears before it actually happened and it still managed to faze her. “Who ever said you had to do anything? What about what you want to do?” Bea doesn’t make eye contact with Ina, that woman could convince you to do just about anything with a certain look. “No we are not doing this. You can take your reverse psychology and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. I’m outta here.” The blonde stomps out of the classroom, the sound of Ina’s chuckles still ringing in her ears.

 “Hey! Everyone in this town fears God, but you know what God fears? My ability to hide a bottle of Don Julio in my left boot.” Ina pulls out the newly bought bottle and cradles it. “Come to mama.”

 ***

 Bea rode her bike alongside the dirt road, Kingsley’s words on replay the entire ride. Maybe she did deserve to experience something more than what this town had to offer. But would her mother manage without her? Sacrifices, sacrifices. Bea was used to making those for her mother after her father’s death. What would her dad think of all of this?

 “Hey!”

 He’d surely smack Bea upside the head for the little antics she pulled occasionally. And then he’d buy her vanilla coconut ice cream and ask for every single detail of what happened as they sat and laughed together. That’s the kind of relationship Bea would have had with her father, she liked to assume so. She also liked to assume that she’d get home safely everyday without a scratch, but then there’s Carter.

 “Hey wait up!” 

 The jock seemed to be running ridiculously fast and crashed right into the rear end of Bea’s bicycle, sending her face first into a mount of dirt. The initial impact was enough to boost the blonde straight back up like nothing happened and into a fighting stance, fists out and eyes wild. Very scary Bea. When she realized it was him...well it only pissed her off even more. “What the fuck Carter! You asshole!”

 “I’m sorry Bea! Here let me help-”

 “No! Move away! You- my bike- I…” Bea groans frustratingly, stepping away from the wreck as she tries to catch her breath. Carter watches her sheepishly, rubbing an envelope between his fingers awkwardly. After a few minutes of painfully uneasy silence he speaks up, “Okay...I didn’t want to ask you this way but I was wonder-”

“Oh, so you practically break my ass and now you want me to do you a favour? Real nice way of communication you have there Mr. Quarterback. What is with you and those freakishly large muscles anyways? Maybe it’s my fault I didn’t hear your avalanche built ass coming from behind.”

 “Hey! They are not freakishly large!”

 “I hate to break it to you Jackson but mine are significantly more appealing to look at.” Bea smirks widely, flexing her arm as best as she could. It’s a work in progress… just bare with her.

 It didn’t take much effort for Carter to break out into a smile and look at her fondly. Maybe there was more to this girl than just being a human dictionary. Well that’s what people called her, and he maybe believed it at first.

 Bea noticed the lack of response and shifted awkwardly, clearing her throat. “Listen, its $10 for three pages, $20 for three to ten, I'm not in the over-ten-page biz.”

 “No..no I’m not here to cheat!” Carter blurts out. “But I’ll let you know if I do plan on- anyways. I uh..” He hesitates before handing her the envelope. “What’s this?

 “Well you see it’s a letter..”

 “Yeah but who writes letters these days?”

 “I thought it seemed romantic..”

 “And I thought women writing Jeffrey Dahmer letters in jail seemed romantic”, Bea says sarcastically, her smile dropping instantly after catching a glimpse of Poppy’s name at the top of the paper. It was like the blood stopped flowing through her body for a few seconds as her mouth went dry. This had to be the work of the so-called God everyone praised in this town, or it was one cruel coincidence. Bea wasn’t sure why seeing her name made her heart beat ten times harder, but it also wasn’t a necessarily uncomfortable feeling…

 “I- I can’t help you.”

 “But if you just add a few more words-”

 “I’m not writing a letter to Poppy Min Sincla- to..to some girl for you. Letters are supposed to be authentic, from the heart, your own words, your...feelings.” Bea hurriedly turns to grab her bike, suddenly losing all interest in being social. 

 Carter was afraid this would happen. But he was stubborn. “But I can pay more for authentic!” 

 Too bad Bea was stubborn as well. “Just get a thesaurus...Good luck, Romeo.”

***

 Bea sat in her room, strumming away softly at the strings of her guitar. Some of the keys were off but the old thing still worked, and that was good enough for her. She could hear the tv blasting downstairs, her mother most likely watching the news. There’s something about old people and news, were they secretly ogling the news anchors? Just like Bea ogled Poppy any chance she could. The blonde frowned to herself, her eyebrows crunching together in question. What so hard about writing a letter to Poppy? It’s not like it's coming from her. Well it technically is, but Carter is taking the credit and Bea never had a problem with people taking credit for her words. So why did this very thought prove to be such an inconvenience? Lucky for Bea, her mind drifted elsewhere when she heard a painful snap. Even if it wasn’t physically connected to her body, she felt a horrible ache. Slowly peering down at the guitar in her hand, Bea found that the neck of the guitar had miraculously split almost clean off, a splinter of wood just holding it intact. She wanted to scream but nothing really came out, except air of course. Much to her disapproval, this was definitely a result of her strength. Stupid muscles couldn’t contain themselves at the thought of Carter being with Poppy. Now how could that be? 

 But now she had no guitar. And no guitar means no strings to strum, and no lyrics to sing, and no talent to show at the talent show. Now she was in trouble. Probably because she knew that the only way to get the money to replace the guitar would be through sealing the deal with Carter. Oh fuck it!

 ***

 “One letter. And enough money to buy a new guitar.”

 “Deal!”

 Bea turns away with a sigh, completely ignoring Carter’s high five. Now all she had to do was write this letter, and pray that Poppy wouldn’t completely consume every fiber of her being in the process.

                                 -------------------------------------------

End note: So how we feelin’? Carter and Bea Brotp??

Tags: @samanthadalton @somewillwin @clowneryme @baexpoppy @zigxryanz @uselesslesbianfr @aleiramacaii @thedaft1 @alexlabhont @iamsimpforpoppy

[incorrectadsom]

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue Review (No Spoilers)

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue follows the winding tale of Addie LaRue a girl made immortal through a Faustian deal, but is also cursed to be forgotten by everyone she meets. Three hundred years later, she finds someone who can remember her.

Style.

The most remarkable trait of this book is the style, a style I will call neither good nor bad, but characteristically Schwab’s. This book’s writing is what happens when Schwab is no longer tethered, freed, if you have read her other works, her Villains or Shades of Magic series, you will be intimately familiar with it. Rife with wistful metaphors and long, winding monologues like circling hallways. You will notice however, they’re usually cut short in her past works, you might not have noticed it then, but you’ll notice it after reading this book. Because they never stop in this book, they stretch on and on, and as she returns to her favourite turns of phrase again and again until they’ve stuck so far in your head you wonder how she thought of so may metaphors for the colour green. That’s the thing about this book that still wins my heart, this is Schwab condensed. This is Schwab’s meandering, wistful, nostalgic style first and characters and plot second. This is a book of atmosphere.

I was thinking of splitting this book into a list of pros and cons, but there are no objective elements in this. It’s biggest pro for one reader, a reader who wants to escape to ancient French villages and fantastical New York art exhibitions and Chicago speakeasies will also be the biggest con for a different type of reader, a reader who needs a villain to best, a conflict around every corner, a suspense to hang in the air. And suspenses are hung, but then you’re whisked away to a new land as you watch your heroine journey throughout history.

My best recommendation for you is to go to a bookshop and read the first page. If you like it, read it, if you don’t, don’t. You won’t have met the characters, not really, and you won’t have grasped the world, but, it’s most pervasive element, it’s style, is bared for the world to see from it’s very first pages. I mean this with no malice behind it, but I don’t think this is a book that could “win someone over” halfway through, if you love the first page, you’ll love it through and through, if you think it’s a tad boring, well that might stick too. When I see criticism of Schwab’s style, sometimes I agree with it and sometimes I merely understand it. They say she procrastinates plot progression, circles around the story more than she tells it, words flowing out of pages like a waterfall with no drains. For a few of her books-namely Vengeful and A Gathering of Shadows- I did feel pinpricks of annoyance. I felt I’d been promised an action packed plot and was stuck with a several page monologue about abstract concepts of freedom and power and yes, it was beautifully written, but isn’t this in the middle of an action scene? For this book I felt no such annoyance, because this book doesn’t have that promise of fast paced scenes and villains to defeat, and when that wistful, meandering style is the entire book, you can go along for the ride without wondering when the heroes will make their way out of their newest predicaments.

There are some downsides to this, in my entirely subjective opinion. Obviously for people who simply don’t like this type of style, perhaps people who adore the tight framework and near perfect pacing of Vicious may find Addie not as well suited to them. Despite my fondness, a downside is the several times I found I had turned two pages at once and not noticed, either finding myself in the exact same scene or assuming it had ended a page earlier. There are very few pages you could skip over and realise you had missed it by it being mentioned in future prose, while in some of her other works, the status quo changes constantly. In Vicious I was hungry, there was an overwhelming need sowed by Schwab to hear Victor and Eli’s past. In Addie, reading is less like running for my life and more like a lovely ambling stroll down a garden path.

Characters.

This section will be much shorter, congratulations if you’ve made it this far.

What is there to say of Addie LaRue? If you’ve read the Shades of Magic I would say two words, Likable Lila. Lila Bard and I have a complicated relationship, I love reading of her, I love her wit, but if we met in real life I’d keep a wide berth. Many readers have even less favourable ideas, her actions are often played as recklessness, but cross the thin line of “stubborn” to “stupid.” Addie captures that stubborness, that wit, but I was never annoyed with her, never thought I couldn’t have been pushed to do what she had. The slight internalised misogyny inside of Lila has also vanished in Addie, which is a great relief. To someone who hasn’t read Shades of Magic? Addie is someone so desperate for freedom she’ll ask it from anyone, from people she knows she shouldn’t. Reckless, yes, but you grow a respect as you see all she endures.

Luc. Awful. Amazing. Beautiful. Hideous. A real and true dark grey and you’re still not sure if it’s really grey, you’ll never be sure. He’s pitch black at first and Addie splashes like a drop of white, but did it truly lighten him? Or was it a trick of the light? Flowery prose aside, do I want to fuck him or kill him? It changes from moment to moment.

Henry. One of the rawest characters, and despite the pages and pages of Addie, his moments, his glimpses, make me empathise with him most. Best description I can think of is just, heartwrenching.

Bea. Please date me.

Sam. Please date me.

Robbie. I know he isn’t Robbie Valentino from Gravity Falls, but... Isn’t he though? I was honestly too distracted as I read every line of his dialogue in TJ Miller’s voice. It was a problem.

Overview.

I know I may have sounded a tad harsh in this review, but I felt I needed to bring it to attention to warn readers who know themselves well enough to know this won’t be their cup of tea. But I truly would recommend this to any reader who feels they can enjoy stories without high stakes, stories with beautiful prose transporting you to awe inspiring locations, stories about the journey and not the destination. And isn’t that how a book about an immortal should be? Never about an unreachable destination, but an infinite journey?

[punz4lyfe]

Wasted Plotential: Cameron/Vertress Conference

Out of inspiration for my favorite MK YouTuber; The4thSnake, I’ve decided to do my own Wasted Plotential take with the Pokemon Anime series, so let’s see how this turns out!

The Best Wishes series is quite... something to the Pokemon Fandom. Many go as far to outright claim it’s the worst out of all the Pokemon Seasons. Whether you go or don’t go by that, I wholeheartedly respect whatever your opinion is, but to me personally, I think it’s just fine. Yeah, it’s not perfect, but then again, nothing in media is, but I will agree with many that there are still plenty of things that could’ve been dealt with a whole lot better, starting with one of Ash’s BW rivals: Cameron.

Oh Arceus, where do I even start with this character? To me, he is absolutely the worst, the most horrible rival Ash could ever get in the anime as a whole. Worse than absolute jobbers like Stephan and Nando, worse than no-personality and motivation Bea, worse than shoehorned Tobias, this little good-for-nothing twerp is just THAT bad. Let’s start with his intelligence... or lack of any, to be more precise. This dude thought you needed 7 Gym Badges to qualify for a league instead of 8, a remote controller was his Pokedex, 5 was the max limit of your team for a Full Battle, and that Unova’s league would take place in an entirely different region. This isn’t just plain incompetence, this is Team Rocket levels of incompetence. Heck, these are all things that freakin’ Original Series Ash knew before he started his journey! Just... how can you be this dense? And the writers want us to take him seriously by making him a rival? Freakin’ no! And despite showcasing himself to be an absolute idiot 24-7, he’s somehow a competent battler as well? Talk about an example of inconsistent character.

Besides being an absolute moron, Cameron is also shown to be... just like Ash: brash, competitive, hot-headed, and fun-loving. Yeah, because in terms of rivals, it’s not like that’s unoriginal at all *coughRitchieandMorrisoncough*. Many people say one of his redeeming qualities is that he has pretty awesome mons on his team like Lucario, Samurott, and Hydreigon, though to me, that just raises his dislikability even more, because how would someone as stupid as Cameron have such mons on his team in the first place? Writer’s pet much?

Anywayz, in terms of the whole Wasted Plotential thing, there really wouldn’t be all that I would change for Cameron pre-league. I mean, Ash already has an intense rivalry with Trip, so I don’t see a reason giving him another one in the form of Cameron. With that said, things would largely play out the same as they did originally: Cameron shows up, proves to be an absolute dope, but showcases at least a semblance of talent through his fight against Marlon. At this point, this is when things take a slight change. After giving Cameron his badge, Marlon talks with Ash in secret afterwards to tell him that at the near-end of the battle... he actually had his Pokemon take a dive (har-har) for Cameron. Ash is surprised and Marlon tells him that throughout the battle, he saw how determined Cameron was despite many seeing him as a brainless dope, so with his goal of reaching the Unova League being so close, he felt sorry for the young trainer, which is why he intentionally lost to him in order to help the kid out in his quest.

This whole conversation adds more depth to Ash and Cameron’s friendship. After leaving Marlon’s gym, Ash keeps a close eye on Cameron from there on out, wanting to make sure his friend stays on a steady path to the league without getting himself lost by his own incompetence all the while falsely praising Cameron on his win in order to keep his confidence up.

At the league proper, Cameron manages to make his way through some fodder trainers and Bianca and these wins make Ash a little proud for Cameron for a bit... until he realizes that his win against the fodder trainers were mostly dumb luck and that literally anyone can beat Bianca, considering her incompetence is about almost as on-par with Cameron’s. When Ash and Cameron’s battle starts, everything plays the same with Cameron, like in the original script, realizes he brought the wrong amount of Pokemon for the Full Battle, and this time, he loses. Badly. Even with Riolu’s evolution.

This defeat crushes Cameron. So much so, that after he recalls Lucario without so much of a word, he admittedly turns around and bolts for the exit, tears streaming down his face. Despite the win, Ash can’t help but feel sorry for Cameron, feeling this devastating defeat was partially his fault due to his previous inflating of Cameron’s ego after his battle against Marlon. After Ash gets his Pokemon healed up, he finds Cameron sitting outside the league with his Lucario, sulking. Ash sits with them and that’s when Cameron tells him just how embarrassed he is, considering he went into a Full Battle with only 5 mons and lost horribly in front of a live audience. Not wanting to hurt Cameron even more by revealing Marlon’s false defeat, Ash decides to humble Cameron by telling him this: Cameron, you’re a great trainer and you care so much for your Pokemon. That’s why you now have Lucario here. But while it’s one thing to train your Pokemon, you also must train yourself.

Cameron is confused by this at first until Ash brings up all the incompetent moments Cameron had ever since they first met. This makes Cameron realize just how poor of a trainer he can be to his Pokemon if he doesn’t improve on his own faults. This whole conversation, I feel, would add even more depth to Cameron’s character and put a little touch of majority on Ash’s part. And this is when Ash reveals the truth of Marlon’s defeat. Cameron is shocked at first, but quickly regains his confidence when Ash tells him that, once he feel he’s ready, go back and show him how Cameron wins.

The two make up afterwards and Cameron watches Ash’s battle against Vergil. In order to not change the narrative too much, Ash will still lose, but unlike in the original script, he will go down with a whole lot more dignity. It’s a fairly close battle and the climax will ultimately with Pikachu facing off against a mon that even catches Ash’s friends by surprise: Sylveon. Being a new type, Ash and Pikachu are completely unaware of how to properly deal with it and not even Iris and Cilan are able to help that much either. While Ash does learn that Pikachu’s Iron Tail is super-effective, thanks to their previous struggles combined with Sylveon’s powerful fairy moves and healing, Pikachu faints at the end, albeit, during some serious damage to Sylveon beforehand.

Introducing a new Eeveelution, combined with a new typing, would’ve honestly been great way to get both Ash and the audience interested in what Gen 6 could offer. Sure, Alexa in the Decolore Islands and her team kinda did that, but I feel things would’ve been a lot more interesting had Gen 6′s tease been introduced in the form of a league. I mean, they did the same thing in a way in Johto with Harrison’s Blaziken and Kecleon, so I don’t see why they couldn’t do it here. Anywayz, after the lost, Ash and Vergil congratulate each other for their efforts, with Vergil telling Ash that he pulled up one of the most intense battles he ever had in his life. Ash thanks Vergil and then asks him about Sylveon, with Vergil telling him he got it while exploring a region called Kalos, sparking Ash’s interest.

And there we go! That’s how I would improve Cameron’s character and Vertress Conference without changing up the narrative a bit. Hope you enjoyed reading this little experiment and thanks for listening to my random anipoke thoughts.

[bestworstcase]

"[Rapunzel] stops accepting blame for things that aren’t her fault". I've seen this mentioned before on other blogs talking about Rapunzel's character growth over the series, but I don't understand what it's referring to. Sorry if this is too vague/broad an ask, but what are you thinking of in seasons 1 and 2 when you say that Rapunzel has learned to stop taking the blame for things that aren't her fault by season 3? Apart from Rapunzel's Enemy and maybe QFAD, I can't think of anything.

i think this is one of the more understated things about rapunzel’s characterization in that there is never like, a specific moment where rapunzel Verbalizes acceptance of blame for things she clearly isn’t responsible for, but it still imo informs a lot of her behavior?

and it goes all the way back to the film. right out of the gate we see that guilt tripping and blame passing are two of gothel’s chief weapons: when rapunzel’s feelings get hurt by one of gothel’s “jokes,” gothel chides rapunzel to “stop taking everything so seriously,” which is abuser-speak for “nothing i say is wrong, it’s your fault if you’re hurt.” 

then there’s digs like “oh, rapunzel, you know i hate leaving you after a fight—especially when i’ve done absolutely nothing wrong...” 

and the big one, after gothel loses her temper and yells at rapunzel, and then immediately collapses disconsolately into a chair and says “ugh, great—now i’m the bad guy.” overtly blaming rapunzel for “making” gothel snap at her. (this of course gets called back to at the end of the film, though it’s less a guilt trip there than it is a threat.)

aaaand right before “mother knows best (reprise)” when rapunzel asks how gothel found her, gothel says, “oh, it was easy, i just listened for the sound of complete and utter betrayal and followed that.” this one imo is the clearest illustration of how all this impacts rapunzel emotionally, because she goes from scared/alarmed/startled to just. sagging, in obvious guilt. 

but then of course there’s also the scene right after rapunzel leaves the tower, where we see her oscillating wildly from jubilance to despair and guilt as she frets over what her leaving will “do” to gothel, how mad / upset / betrayed gothel will feel, etc. so even when gothel isn’t there, actively reinforcing this behavior, we can see that rapunzel very much feels that gothel’s feelings are her responsibility—and if gothel is upset, that’s rapunzel’s fault. 

anyway!! all this adds up to rapunzel leaving the tower with this subconscious mindset that all problems are her problems, and we see this expressed very early on in s1. i would even argue as early as before ever after... with both frederic and eugene. 

BEA goes really hard right out of the gate with driving home how restless and uncomfortable rapunzel feels in corona; how stifled she is, and how badly she wants to go out and explore the wider world. but it also shows how hard she tries to stuff it down, because her success as a princess is “important to [her] dad.” she tries to bring up her discontent with eugene, but in a roundabout way so as to avoid actually saying she’s unhappy—and then when he says that he’s perfectly happy and content, rapunzel takes a deep breath and agrees with him. it isn’t overt text, but she’s still in “managing other people’s feelings” mode, and there’s a reason the only person she is honest about her own feelings with is cassandra—because cassandra signals very clearly that she is not going to feel hurt, offended, or disappointed if rapunzel is less than happy in corona. quite the opposite, cass is the one who suggests sneaking out in the first place!

now obviously, neither fred’s nor eugene’s feelings are rapunzel’s responsibility and i think both would be horrified to know that rapunzel feels like it’s her job to make them happy... but that doesn’t really matter, because rapunzel has been trained all her life to do this and that’s not a pattern that just goes away overnight. 

and then also in BEA, we see how quick rapunzel is to castigate herself for doing something that upsets someone else... when eugene proposes and she panics and runs away, her reaction is “i feel horrible about eugene” and to feel guilty/upset about not wanting to marry him Right Now.

aaaand of course caine blaming rapunzel for stuff frederic did goes entirely unremarked upon, partly because things like the hair reveal took priority over that but partly also, in my opinion, because rapunzel just kind of Accepted That because she’s so used to being blamed for everything.

this is sort of a recurring theme throughout a lot of s1. you mentioned RE, but for the sake of completeness—i think the most telling thing in that ep is that, when rapunzel finds out what booing really signifies, her first question is what could i have done to this person?, because the concept that this might be a HIM problem doesn’t even cross her mind. she assumes that it’s her fault he doesn’t like her. 

and then there’s stuff like pascal’s story, which i think is an interesting one because like... frankly, it’s not entirely rapunzel’s fault that she stood pascal up. yes, as the princess she could have stood up at six o’clock on the dot to say no more petitions, i am going to dinner. but also she’s the princess, and she’s busy, and pascal’s story is as much an episode about pascal learning that just because rapunzel is busy that doesn’t mean she doesn’t still love him as much as it is about rapunzel learning how to navigate work/life balance—but it’s also very clear that rapunzel’s perspective is “i have been a HORRIBLE friend and i need to put EVERYTHING ELSE on hold until i have FIXED my TERRIBLE BEHAVIOR” when the reality is more like “rapunzel and pascal are both going through a major adjustment period and need to have a realistic talk about expectations now that rapunzel is, like, training to rule a country.” 

in painter’s block, rapunzel feels so traumatized by the (largely correct) decisions she made in QFAD that she can’t make any decisions at all and falls prey to sugracha’s manipulation, and i personally think this is the beginning of the tipping point for her where she begins to see that hey... she’s just a person, she literally cannot be responsible for every bad thing that happens, she can’t be in two places at once, she can’t fix everything for everyone... and sometimes she needs to prioritize one problem over the other. that’s why the emotional climax of that episode is rapunzel saying “difficult choices are what make us who we are.” that’s her letting go of the horrific guilt she felt about choosing corona over varian, and letting eugene and the others put themselves in danger to save her parents. 

that epiphany carries her through SOTS and enables her to make the tough calls she needs to make re: stopping varian, but it also doesn’t mean that her tendency to blame herself for stuff that isn’t her fault goes away altogether. just look at BTCW: while she’s trying to make sense of how/why eugene could be marrying stalyan, her first instinct is to blame herself. to wonder if maybe this is a response to her kind of sort of turning down his kind of sort of second proposal. 

and the rest of the vardaros arc is like... i would say half rapunzel delaying moving on because she’s scared of what waits for her at the end of the black rock trail (as freebird confirms) and half rapunzel making vardaros’s problems her problems and trying to fix them because she feels responsible. 

curses is... not a good episode (canardist, why) but the plot basically hinges on canardist successfully making rapunzel feel guilty / dubious enough about taking back her own telescope that she starts buying into the curse stuff and psyching herself out. 

*as a sidebar here, there are also instances in this same period of rapunzel acknowledging her culpability in stuff she DID do wrong, for example in under raps—but in these cases, it’s interesting to me to note that her apologies actually aren’t very good apologies. in the under raps example, for instance, she also foists off blame on cassandra (saying basically, well i wouldn’t have interfered and put you in danger if you had told me everything, even though i am terrible at keeping secrets and we both know it). and this makes sense, because gothel certainly did not model good, healthy apologizing habits for rapunzel, lol. so she’s in this weird zone where she tends to feel guilty for everything / feels responsible for other people’s feelings but when she DOES mess up for realsies she also doesn’t really have the skills to navigate a true apology. this poor girl

i would say that RATGT is about the point where rapunzel switches gears from accepting blame (both for things that aren’t her fault, like all this stuff, and for things that are, like when she apologized to cass for being a dick in goodbye and goodwill or when she apologized to pascal for belittling him in king pascal) to sort of... overcorrecting and entering her “i’m right, you’re wrong” phase. RATGT is when she starts overtly shutting cass down, and RATGT is when cass’s injury happens—something so horrific and scary that i tend to think rapunzel just cannot process the guilt. it’s too much, too painful, and not something she is emotionally equipped to hold onto or work through in a healthy way...

...so she shoves it away and blames cass instead, very openly. she transmutes her guilt into anger, lessening the pain she feels. and she sticks to that throughout RDO, throughout the rest of s2, and evidently through the rest of the series given she literally never apologizes for it. which is outside of the scope of what you asked alksdfjklsfd but i tend to think basically, rapunzel is not very good at distinguishing between “i feel guilty, but it isn’t my fault” and “i feel guilty, because it is my fault” so in the process of unlearning the former behavior she also forces away the latter, and at the end of s3 she’s in a place where she needs to re-learn how to feel guilt in a healthy, reasonable way. because guilt isn’t always a bad emotion, sometimes it’s just your brain’s way of saying “i did something bad, and i want to make up for it” and That’s Good. 

[flah-se-dah]

My opinion on ships— they’re somewhat mainstream (and also not) so probably no one’s gonna care but it was fun to make lol

Tagatha

- cute

- feels the littlest bit forced every now and then because they never built a strong relationship before somehow acquiring that exact strong relationship, but anyway

- still cute

- 7/10

Hestadil

- since it’s already pre-established that the coven is tight, their relationship makes sense?

- goth gfs ily

- the idea that they’re soft around eachother but “ew haha princes are so lovey dovey” and mean toward others, plus the banter and dynamic ahh great

- the moment with the upside down sea thing absolutely got me

- 9/10

Hophie

- personally I enjoyed reading about them

- it did however drag on in some :/ ways sometimes

- 8/10

Willden

- seemed forced as well, except this was much more obvious

- they were cute tho

- 5/10

Reatrix

- I like the dynamic of bea being a bit more strong-willed and reena the calmer one that can sorta deal with her

- plus they’re besties sooo

- 6/10

Keian

- the dynamic *mouah* 👌

- lost potential all I’m saying

- 8/10

Sophie x Rhian

- yes.? Surprisingly?

- I would’ve totally been down to see them rule camelot together, a nevermore that it may be

- 6/10

Hicola

- had good potential for bickering but the book shoved it in our faces that it wouldnt last so,

- 3/10 also poor nic, damn hort

Nicphie

- never saw the appeal

- but also kinda do?

- 4/10

Agaster

- never thought of them as anything more than friends, but I like the idea of it

- goth gfs 2.0 but with more feeling in it lol

- 6/10

Tedot

- I love the idea of this, the idea that tedros stood up for dot and they could potentially harbor feelings

- AND pull her out of the self-depricating hole she’s been in because of her father/“friends”/stupid world view

- cute cute cute

- 5/10

Tristos/tedara

- sort of the same reasoning as tedot actually

- would’ve been cute to see

- I just want some more yara, man

- 6/10

Yiko

- I was a huge fan of this until well, kiko being oblivious for the ENTIRE series coupled with the fact that yara did not like girls

- 0/10, just not possible

Jaric

- conceptually, love it

- but in the actual books it’s put to the extremes so I can’t ship it, it’s just bad

- 0/10 nah

Lovey

- no

- why

- isn’t lesso like 40 and dovey 60 pr smth

- 0/10

Hiko

- (hort x kiko)

- a bit random but I started developing a fic/comic while back that they were friends and ngl I kunda really like it

- though just platonically, no romance

- 7/10

Killicent

- I also randomly came up with this one on a whim,,

- but it means kiko gets more friends and she gets over tristan/yara earlier on (thank god) AND we can say kiko has a thing for redheads, p l e a se

- bunch of cute airheads

- they get to empathize with each other during their transition to morgrif in book threeee

- cottagecore / mermaid aesthetic

- 6/10, I’m invested

[purplesurveys]

1180

The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? Yeah, I’m pretty paranoid and always feel the need to use conditioner because of a bad rebonding job from like a decade ago that stiffened up my hair as soon as it would get wet. It lasted for around a year, so I formed the habit of always using conditioner every time I shower. I don’t think I’ve ever used just shampoo since then.

Do you prefer light or dark jeans?  Dark, but I suppose it would be nice to start experimenting with lighter shades as well.

When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen?  It depends if I know the lyrics or I’m feeling the song at the moment. Obviously with my new obsession with BTS I can’t really sing along to entire songs, but I do sing the few English lyrics they have per song, hahaha.

Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook?  Yeah but she’s been muted for like half a year already, as is the rest of her family. I do have plans to unfriend her entirely; I’m just not sure when I would push through with it, and I already gave Angela permission to log onto my account one of these days to be the one to do the unfriending.

Who was your first love? Do you ever miss that person?  Gabie. I miss the friendship sometimes; I don’t think I’ll have a friendship as deep and connected as the one we had, so I will always feel sorry about how that went to waste. But I don’t really think about our relationship anymore as I’m pretty good at blocking off certain memories, so I don’t miss her in that sense.

How many cars are parked at your house right now?  Two.

Do you have any Italian ancestry?  I highly doubt so. If anything there’s probably a tiny drop Spanish blood in there but that’s the most European I’ll ever get.

Do you prefer water to be ice cold or at room temperature?  Like, drinking water? Ice cold, always. I hate warm water.

Has anyone ever told you you’re a control freak?  Not to my face, but I know I’m one so I’m sure other people have said that about me at least behind my back.

Do you know anyone who has gone missing? If so, were they ever found?  Yes, my friend Mik and one of my aunts. They were both found eventually.

What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten?  Eating ghost pepper instant noodles was a pain I would never want to go through again...I threw that shit out after my first forkful, lmao.

Do you need to talk to someone?  No, not in particular. In a more general sense I do wanna start gaining more friends though, so I’ve been meaning to expand my circle by creating a new Twitter account just for my BTS dump. In other words, I am a 23 year old with a stan Twitter HAHAHAHA

Is something confusing you at the moment?  No, I’m good.

When was the last time you had a real deep chat?  Maybe my conversation with Andi a couple of nights back. We were talking about a tricky situation with their ex-friend who turned out to be a real dick when they came out to him a year ago, and they just wanted to get my perspective on how I would handle it.

Who did you last see on webcam?  The PR manager for one of our clients, who we all despise because he doesn’t know how to do his job. Thankfully he’s resigning soon so we’re all just waiting for him to leave and finally meet a much more competent replacement.

What’s your best friend’s pet’s name(s)?  Angela has two dogs, Hailey and Kennedy. Andi had Apollo, who I wanted to meet so badly but sadly he passed away a week ago at 15.

Have you ever taken a picture while laying in the grass?  There are photos of me sitting on grass, but not lying in it. I would imagine that would feel very prickly and uncomfortable.

Who’s your favorite Disney character? Baymax or Flynn Rider.

Have you ever deliberately tried to get someone drunk?  I’ve made my friends chug drinks or down shots and it’s happened vice versa, but it was always in good fun and we never made each other harassed from it. It’s just your typical college rambunctiousness, and if anyone felt uncomfortable or iffy then we didn’t hesitate to move on.

When was the last time you used a pay phone and who were you calling?  I’ve only ever seen those in my first school, when I was in kindergarten. I never got to use it and they also took them out not long after.

Do you like being kissed on the neck?  Yessssssssss

Have you ever had sex with someone you weren’t dating (but had feelings for) in the hopes that they would ask you out later?  Nope. I don’t think I would have sex with anyone I wasn’t dating.

What’s the most you would be willing to spend on a good bra?  Probably a couple thousand bucks if I thought I looked good in it.

Do you have any of your teachers’ personal cell phone numbers saved in your contacts list?  I don’t think so. I never tried getting close with any of them, and I always tried to stay hidden as much as possible. I was just in class to get good grades and pass.

Do you ever stalk peoples’ personal blogs, even if you don’t know them very well?  I never really scroll through people’s Tumblrs anymore. That was more of a thing I did in like 2013, but these days going through my dashboard is enough.

What’s one thing about today’s generation that you just can’t stand?  Some social media trends done for clout make me revolted, especially when it has anything to do with wasting food. I also hate when they do extreme pranks that I know I wouldn’t find funny if I were ever the victim, like tossing someone’s phone into the ocean.

Be honest: how do you feel about abortion?  Pro-choice. 

Is there anyone you currently want to reach out to?  I would love to catch up with Katreen at some point, but I know we’re at different points in our lives now and it would probably never happen.

What is your favorite piece of art you own?  I commissioned my sister to make an artwork of the 2D1N cast, and she did a great job making it! I haven’t gotten to use it or promote it yet, but I will soon. It’s really well-done.

What’s the one thing you apologized for this month?  Replying late.

My favorite color is ______?  Pastel pink.

I wish I had _____?  Longer weekends.

What did you buy today? Nothing – I’d call that a success lmao, I’ve been spending money as if I had a million fucking bucks over the last week. I did have some packages arrive today though: my own copy of 2 Cool 4 Skool (my first physical BTS album!!!!!!); the official poster from their album BE; the Ivy Park sneakers I ordered earlier this month, and an Ivy Park bucket hat Bea had apparently gotten for me as a birthday present.

What has challenged your morals?  Vices.

What made you pick up the last book you started reading?  I had to read it in preparation for a one-on-one session with my employer’s CEO.

What about your life concerns you the most? Whether a stable future is in the cards for me.

What do you find particularly offensive? Would you say you’re easy or difficult to offend?  Probably Filipino-American comedians or influencers who use stereotyping of Filipino accents and habits as a punchline; they do more harm to the culture than good. I can tell you not one Filipino who lives in the Philippines actually finds those funny, and Bretman Rock is probably the only personality who’s able to flaunt the culture in an entertaining and hilarious yet classy way.

When it comes to being offended, I guess it depends on the context. My humor can get pretty dark and low-blowy, but I would have a problem with someone who I know has genuinely problematic views.

What was the last series you finished watching? Do you have any plans to begin another?  I think it may had still been Start-Up from last December. I’m not too big on Korean dramas since I find one episode waaaaaaayyyyyyy too long. I don’t think I’ll be starting on anything soon, Korean or otherwise.

What is one way in which you are different from a year ago? What is one way in which you are still the same?  I’m single now, for the first time in technically six years. I also think I’m doing better and happier, breakup notwithstanding. OH and I love wasabi now, hahah. As for what’s unchanged, I still like taking surveys and I’m still stuck at home, though the latter’s not really in my control anymore.

If you could learn about anything without the stress of grades or cost, what kind of classes would you take?  I’d just go back to UP for the free tuition. We also have the widest range of programs out of any university in the country, so it’s a damn good deal.

Name a song you’ve listened to today?  Fly To My Room - BTS

When you were younger, did you have a swing set or a playhouse in your backyard?  We didn’t; but one of our relatives that we’d regularly visit did have a playground that I’d use all the time. It’s still there, just very unmaintained since no one uses it anymore.

Is your mall nice?  Which one? We have five different malls nearby lol. Mall culture here is on another level.

Do you have a Sonic near you? If so, what’s your favorite drink from there?  No. I’m not so sure what they serve there, either. I’m guessing milkshakes?

Will you be voting in the presidential elections next time around?  I’ll always exercise my right to vote.

How do you feel about chocolate-covered strawberries?  I hate strawberries and I hate fruits, so even if you coat that shit in Nutella and cookie butter and chocolate syrup I still wouldn’t touch it.

Did you ever stop having feelings for someone and then started having those feelings again for them? No.

Do you hate the last guy you had a thing with?  I’ve never had a thing with guys.

To whom did you last give the finger?  I haven’t had to do that in a while.

What was the last musical instrument played in your presence?  My sister’s keyboard.

Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream?  Not particularly. They make things look cute, but they never taste like anything tbh so I never saw the point in paying extra just to have them on my desserts.

Honestly, have you ever crashed a party before?  Nah. I cringe thinking about that.

Do you know how to do the moon walk?  I don’t.

Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice?  Never gotten that specific compliment before because I know I don’t have one.

Onion rings or french fries?  Onion rings.

Has anybody ever described you as a heart breaker? No.

Has anybody ever told you that you talk too fast?  I don’t think so, but I know I have the tendency to do so occasionally, especially while I’m presenting a deck. Once I notice it I make an effort to pace myself.

Who is the best cook that you know?  My dad and both my grandmas all deserve that title.

Which meal throughout the day do you skip the most?  I literally never have lunch ever.

What’s the largest amount that you can juggle at one time?  I can’t juggle.

What was your favorite thing to go on at the playground as a kid?  Sandboxes, since I liked the texture; the sandboxes in school were also often empty, which worked well for my introvert self. I find that it’s carried over to today, since I still enjoy touching things like slime and kinetic sand.

Do you know how much you weighed at birth? How much?  I think 5 or 6 lbs, I’m not exactly sure but it’s definitely somewhere in that small range.

Which aspect of your daily routine takes the most time? What do you do?  Work, for sure. I work a normal 9–6 so that’s already 8 hours out of my day, but I also OT a lot after hours, and I work throughout my lunch break as well so that technically makes it 9 hours. I also like getting up earlier and starting some work before my shift so that I would have less tasks on my plate for the day.

Do you enjoy buying gifts for others, or could you do without this?  I LOVE getting people gifts. Food is especially my love language, and I always get food delivery for my friends, family, and my team at work.

What is one thing you are expected to do, if anything?  I mean, I have work deadlines tomorrow so there’s that.

How do you tend to view driving? Monotonous or entertaining?  I love driving. I don’t think I ever complained about having to do it. It’s calming and relaxing when I’m doing it alone or with a partner; and it can be entertaining with the right set of people.

Do you enjoy talking about music with others? Not always. If I don’t listen to the artist then I can find the conversation quite boring, like if my friends would get into a full-blown discussion about Taylor Swift.

Is acting something you enjoy?  No. It wouldn’t even be something I’d be interested in doing.

When do you feel most accomplished?  Finishing a work day with no tasks left behind.

Do you think Manwich is amazing or completely gross?  Idk what that is.

How many best friends do you have?  Two.

Are you a smoker, drinker, pothead or none of the above?  I drink sometimes. I also kinda smoke, I guess.

If you have your ears pierced, when did you get them pierced?  My mom had them pierced when I was a month old.

Do you own any exercise machines?  My mom has this rowing equipment thingy. I don’t have any of my own, though.

On Facebook, do you have people listed as your siblings who aren’t really your siblings?  No.

Have you ever drawn or painted a self-portrait?  I remember having to draw one as a school assignment, but I’m pretty sure I half-assed that because I couldn’t care less for art class back then.

Who was your last voicemail from?  We don’t have voicemails.

Have you ever been falsely accused of something serious?  I don’t think so. That’s the sort of situation that would stick out in my memory if ever.

Did you ever set up a lemonade stand when you were a kid?  No, not a thing here.

When was the last time you spoke to someone in a different language?  Around an hour ago when I went downstairs and chatted with my sister briefly.

Have you ever received an anonymous gift?  Nope.

Have you ever camped out somewhere for an event the next day?  Nope but I definitely still wouldn’t be opposed to doing that haha.

When were you the saddest in your life? 2016 was fucking miserable. < I’d have to agree. 2017 was also awful.

Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you?  I used to know one but she got out of it. In a sense, I suppose I also was in one.

If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you?  Well they’re younger, so they definitely still live here, with our parents. I’m the first one expected to move out, but I’m taking my time.

Have you ever gotten searched by the cops?  No.

Do you like fried rice?  Of course. I like any kind of rice.

What was the last thing you drank?  Water.

[fullregalia]

20/20.

This year, in hindsight, was a real write-off. I had grand plans for it, and while I ushered it in in a very low-key manner since I was recovering from the flu, I’d expected things to look up. Well, you know what they say about plans (RIP, my trip to Europe). I got very, very sick in early February, and I’m not entirely sure it wasn’t COVID. Since March, the days have been a carousel of monotony: coffee, run, work, cook, yoga, existential spiral, sleep. My Own Private Year of Rest and Relaxation, if you will. Of course, life has a way of breaking through regardless; I attended protests, completed my thesis, graduated from grad school, took a couple of road trips upstate, and celebrated the accomplishments and birthdays of friends and family from a safe social distance. It was all a bit of a blur, and not ideal circumstances to re-enter the real world, or whatever this COVID-present is. 

Throughout it all, in lieu of happy hours, coffee dates, and panel discussions, I’ve turned even more to culture and cuisine to fill the the negative space on my calendar where my social life once resided. However, since a global pandemic ought not to disrupt every tradition, here’s my year-end round up of what made this terrible one slightly more tolerable. 

TV

After an ascetic fall semester abstaining from TV in 2019 (save for my beloved Succession), I allowed myself to watch more as the year wore on, and especially after graduation. I caught up on some cultural blind spots by finally getting around to The Sopranos, Ramy, Search Party, and Girlfriends. I wasn’t alone in bingeing Sopranos, it absolutely lived up to the hype and then some; this Jersey Girl can’t get enough gabagool-adjacent content, pizzeria culture is my culture!

Speaking of my culture, there was also a disproportionate amount of UK and European shows in my queue. Nothing like being in social isolation and watching the horny Irish teens in Normal People brood. I’m partial to it because I share a surname with the showrunner, so I have to embrace blind loyalty even though there was, in my opinion, a Marianne problem in the casting. Speaking of charming Irish characters with limited emotional vocabularies, I belatedly discovered This Way Up a 2019 show from Aisling Bea and Sharon Horgan. And while Connell and Marianne are actually exceptional students, I found the real normal people on GBBO to bring me a bit more joy. Baking was abundantly therapeutic for me this year, and watching charming people drink loads of tea and fret over soggy bottoms was a comfort. I also discovered the Great Pottery Throw Down, and as a lifelong ceramics enthusiast, I cannot recommend it highly enough if you care about things like slips, coils, and glazing techniques. GPTD embraces wabi sabi in a way that GBBO eschews flaws in favor of perfection, and in a time of uncertainty, the former reminded me why I miss getting my hands in the mud as a coping mechanism (hence all the baking). Speaking of coping mechanisms, like everybody else with two eyes and an HBO password, I loved Michaela Cole’s I May Destroy You; though we’ve all had enough distress this year for a lifetime, watching Cole’s Arabella process her assault and search for meaning, justice, and closure was a compelling portrait of grief and purpose in the aftermath of trauma. Arabella’s creative and patient friends Kwame and Terry steal the show throughout, as they deal with their own setbacks and emotional turmoil. Where I May Destroy You provides catharsis, Ted Lasso presents British eccentricity in all its stereotypical glory. At first I was skeptical of the show’s hype on Twitter, but once I gave in it charmed me, if only for Roy Kent’s emotional trajectory and extolling the restorative powers of shortbread. For a more accurate depiction of life in London, Steve McQueen’s series Small Axe provides a visually lush and politically clear-eyed depiction of the lives of British West Indians in the 60s, 70s, and 80s. Lastly, how could I get through a recap of my year in tv if I don’t mention The Crown. Normal People may have needed an intimacy coordinator, but the number of Barbours at Balmoral was the real phonographic content for me.

Turning my attention across the Channel, after the trainwreck that was Emily in Paris, I started watching a proper French show, Call My Agent! It’s truly delightful, and unlike the binge-worthy format of "ambient shows” I have been really relishing taking an hour each week to watch CMA, subtitles, cigarettes, and all.

Honorable mention: The Last Dance for its in-depth look at many notable former Chicago residents; High Fidelity for reminding me of the years in college when my brother and I would drive around listening to Beta Band; and Big Mouth.

Music

My Spotify wrapped this year was a bit odd. I don‘t think “Chromatica II into 911″ is technically a song, so it revealed other things about my listening habits this year, which turned out to remain very much stuck in the last, sonically. I listened to a lot more podcasts than new music this year, but there were some records that found their way into heavy rotation. While I listened to a lot of classics both old and new to write my thesis (Paul Simon, Leonard Cohen, Prokofiev, and Bach) the soundtrack to my coursework, runs, walks, and editing was more contemporary. Standouts include: 

Saint Cloud by Waxahatchee, which makes me feel like I’m breathing fresh air even when I’m stuck inside all day 

La Bella Vita by Niia, which was there for me when I walked past my ex on 7th avenue (twice!) and he pretended that I didn’t exist 

Fetch the Bolt Cutters by THEE Fiona Apple, because Fiona, our social distancing queen, has always been my Talmud, her songs shimmering, evolving, and living with me every year 

Shore by Fleet Foxes, for the long drive to the Catskills 

Women in Music, Pt. III by HAIM, because these days, these days...

Musicians have been reckoning with tumult this year as much as the rest of us, and the industry has dealt with loss on all fronts. I’d be remiss not to talk about how the passing of John Prine brought his music into my life, and McCoy Tyner, who has been a companion through good and bad over the years. 

Honorable mention to: græ by Moses Sumney; The Main Thing by Real Estate; on the tender spot of every calloused moment by Ambrose Akinmusire; Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers; folklore by you know who; and songs by Adrianne Lenker. 

Reading

What would this overlong blob be without a list of the best things I read this year? While I left publishing temporarily, books, the news, and newsletters still took up a majority of my attention (duh and/or doomscrolling by any other name). I can’t be comprehensive, and frankly, there are already great roundups of the best longform this year out there, so this is mostly books and praising random writers. 

Last year I wrote about peak newsletter. Apparently, my prediction was a bit premature as this year saw an even bigger Substack Boom. But two new newsletters in particular have delighted me: Aminatou Sow’s Crème de la Crème and Hunter Harris’ Hung Up (her ”this one line” series is true force of chaotic good on Blue Ivy’s internet). Relatedly, Sow and Ann Friedman’s Big Friendship was gifted to me by a dear friend and another bff and I are going to read it in tandem next week. 

On the “Barack Obama published a 700+ page memoir, crippling the printing industry’s supply chains” front, grad school severely hamstrung my ability to read for pleasure, but I managed to get through almost 30 books this year, some old (Master and Margarita), most new-ish (Say Nothing, Nickel Boys). Four 2020 books in particular enthralled me:

Uncanny Valley: Anna Wiener’s memoir has been buzzed about since n+1 published her essay of the same name in 2016. Her ability to see, clear-eyed, the industry for both its foibles and allure captured that era when the excess and solipsism of the Valley seemed more of a cultural quirk than the harbinger of societal schism.  

Transcendent Kingdom: Yaa Gyasi’s novel about faith, family, loss, and--naturally--grad school was deeply empathetic, relatable, and moving. I think this was my favorite book of the year. Following the life of a Ghanaian family that settles in Alabama, it captured the kind of emotional ennui that comes from having one foot in the belief of childhood and one foot in the bewilderment that comes from losing faith in the aftermath of tragedy.  

Vanishing Half: Similarly to Transcendent Kingdom, Brit Bennett’s novel about siblings who are separated; it’s also about the ways that colorism can be internalized and the ways chosen family can (and cannot) replace your real kin. It was a compassionate story that captured the pain of abuse and abandonment in two pages in a way that Hanya Yanagihara couldn’t do in 720.

Dessert Person: Ok, so this is a cookbook, but it’s a good read, and the recipes are approachable and delicious. After all the BA Test Kitchen chaos this summer, it’s nice we didn’t have to cancel Claire. Make the thrice baked rye cookies!!!! You will thank me later.

Honorable mention goes to: Leave The World Behind for hitting the Severance/Station Eleven dystopian apocalypse novel sweet spot; Exciting Times for reminding me why I liked Sally Rooney; and Summer by Ali Smith, which wasn’t the strongest of the seasonal quartet, but was a series I enjoyed for two years.  

Podcasts

I’m saving my most enthusiastic section for last: ever since 2018, I’ve been listening to an embarrassing amount of podcasts. Moving into a studio apartment will do that to you, as will grad school, add a pandemic to that equation and there’s a lot of time to fill with what has sort of become white noise to me (or, in one case, nice white parents noise). In addition to the shows that I’ve written about before (Still Processing, Popcast, Who? Weekly, and Why is This Happening?), these are the shows I started listening to this year that fueled my parasocial fire:

You’re Wrong About: If you like history, hate patriarchy, and are a millennial, you’ll love Sarah Marshall and Michael Hobbes’ deep dives into the most notable stories of the past few decades (think Enron and Princess Diana) and also some other cultural flashpoints that briefly but memorably shaped the national discourse (think Terri Schiavo, Elian González, and the Duke Lacrosse rape case).

Home Cooking: This mini series started (and ended) during the pandemic. As someone who stress baked her way through the past nine months, Samin Nosrat and Hrishikesh Hirway’s show is filled with warmth, banter, and useful advice. Home Cooking has been a reassuring companion in the kitchen, and even though it will be a time capsule once we’re all vaccinated and close talking again, it’s still worth a listen for tips and inspiration while we’re hunkered down for the time being. 

How Long Gone: I don’t really know how to explain this other than saying that media twitter broke my brain and enjoying Chris Black and Jason Stewart’s ridiculous banter is the price I pay for it.

Blank Check: Blank Check is like the GBBO of podcasts--Griffin Newman and David Sims’ enthusiasm for and encyclopedic knowledge of film, combined with their hilarious guests and inevitable cultural tangents is always a welcome distraction. Exploring a different film from a director’s oeuvre each week over the course of months, the podcast delves into careers and creative decisions with the passion of completists who want to honor the filmmaking process even when the finished products end up falling short. The Nancy Meyers and Norah Ephron series were favorites because I’d seen most of the movies, but I also have been enjoying the Robert Zemeckis episodes they’re doing right now. The possibility of Soderbergh comes up often (The Big Picture just did a nice episode about/with him), and I’d love to hear them talk about his movies or Spike Lee (or, obviously, Martin Scorsese).      

Odds & Ends

If you’re still reading this, you’re a real one, so let’s get into the fun stuff. This was a horrible way to start a new decade, but at least we ended our long national nightmare. We got an excellent dumb twitter meme. I obviously made banana bread, got into home made nut butters, and baked an obscene amount of granola as I try to manifest a future where I own a Subaru Outback. Amanda Mull answered every question I had about Why [Insert Quarantine Trend] Happens. My brother started an organization that is working to eliminate food insecurity in LA. Discovering the Down Dog app allowed me to stay moderately sane, despite busting both of my knees in separate stupid falls on the criminally messed up sidewalks and streets of Philadelphia. I can’t stop burning these candles. Jim Carrey confused us all. We have a Jewish Second Gentleman! Grub Street Diets continued to spark joy. Dolly Parton remains America’s Sweetheart (and possible vaccine savior). And, last, but certainly not least: no one still knows how to pronounce X Æ A-12 Boucher-Musk.

[hms-chill]

A Channel of Your Peace

Summary: Following Henry being outed, the election, and the end of the book, Henry and Philip slowly start to fix their relationship. There’s blood that can’t be unshed, but there’s also a chance that things could get better.

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5

Chapter 6: Where There is Darkness, Let Me Bring Light

Chapter 7: Where There Is Sadness, Let Me Bring Joy

They're all back together again for the first time in ages, Nora and Pez joining the sets of siblings at Kensington. Nora's going to be running a final game in their series of D&D stream fundraisers, and she's promised a truly chaotic game that Henry can't wait for. But, about thirty minutes before it starts, he runs into Philip in a foyer. Philip looks upset.

"Pip? Everything alright?"

"I just had a talk with Gran. She... she doesn't think it'll work. The charity I was considering, I mean; she says it'll be too much to do, and I'm scared she's right. She has more of a sense of how things work on a structural level than I do; I only really know what it's like on the ground. And on the ground, you see all these people who miss their families, or who are going through hard things, but maybe... maybe there isn't anything we can do about it. Maybe she's right."

"Pip. With all due respect, which is very little, Gran doesn't know what she's talking about. She's old as shit." Philip lets out a bark of laughter at that, sounding more surprised than anything. "You know what she said when she found out we'd be playing D&D and sending out dice and having fun to raise money for the youth shelters? She called me, personally, to tell me it was undignified and bound to be a failure. She said that kids couldn't handle the responsibility of ordering royalty around, and that I was besmirching the honor of the crown by playing a satanic game with children for all the world to see."

"Didn't... those went well, didn't they?"

"They've been one of our most successful charity campaigns. So popular, we're playing another tonight, raising money for the shelters and for Bea's work. Whichever of us gets more donations has to eat a spoonful of the infamous Diaz family double spicy salsa live on camera. If we get enough, we both have to do it."

"The game sounds like a great idea, and I'm sure people will want to see you both deal with something that spicy. You'll have a great time."

Henry takes a minute, then says, "if you want, I bet you could join us. You could announce your charity and make it an early fundraiser if you want to risk the salsa, or you could just play with us for fun."

"I... you're sure you'd all want me to play?"

"I think so. I could ask everyone, but I don't really see a reason why not."

"If you think it would be okay, I'd like that. And maybe... I don't want to take anything away from you or Bea, but if you think it would be okay, maybe I could sort of... generally explain the plan for my charity and see about raising some support? I don't want the official opening or announcement to be on a D&D game, especially since it's so last minute, but maybe do a sort of soft opening."

"I think that makes sense. Let me text Nora and the others to make sure they're okay with you playing, then I'll teach you the basics and we'll get you a bear."

Half an hour later, they're sitting down in front of a camera, Philip armed with a rudimentary knowledge of how the game works and an unhinged polar bear whose role in their heist will be to be the face of the operation. Nora makes them roll for hats to wear, and Philip rolls a cowboy hat, so he becomes a cute unhinged polar bear in a cowboy hat. He explains his charity wearing said cowboy hat, and Bea explains hers in a trilby and Henry explains his in both a fez and a top hat, so they are obviously ready to be taken entirely seriously by the British public. It is especially obvious how serious this whole thing is when Alex, wearing a top hat of his own, protests that the salsa isn't even that bad, and Nora threatens that it might burn the taste buds off royals used to plain toast. When the announcements of charities and prizes are over and the Diaz Double Spicy Salsa has been placed ominously behind them, Nora gets down to business, explaining their mission to steal not only the world's best honey, but also the beehive of legendary American president Abraham Lincoln, thought to be haunted by the ghost of Lincoln himself, from a convention being held in the middle of a bustling city.

Alex, a polar bear officially labeled "incompetent", is the brains behind the operation, so it's off to a great start, especially when they find out that Bea also rolled to be the brains of the operation, and her rookie honey badger isn't much better at it. June is the muscle of their group, a slick sun bear ready to sense honey and not let anything stand in her way, and she takes initiative to pull doors off buildings and break down walls while getaway driver Pez (an equally incompetent polar bear) drives through them and Philip is left trying to explain away the rubble they leave behind them. Henry, a retired sun bear tasked with hacking into systems, has just gotten a safe open to reveal not the honey they're after, but a note from a rival team of bears who got there first. As he's reading it, the doors slam closed, and the room begins to fill with poison gas. At the last minute, June moves as many stats as she safely can to bear, and rolls to tear down the door. It flies off its hinges, and Pez bursts through as Henry hacks into the other bears' GPS while Philip, on Alex's orders, impersonates a human for the news and asks for any calls about bear criminals to be directed to him. It's a whirlwind of chaos and laughter that culminates in a nearly impossible getaway, with Pez almost giving up all his bear instincts and June nearly being picked up by animal control as they make a final escape back to the woods.

Nora closes them down in a final scene so moving it deserves an Oscar, and the players cheer, Philip joining them in their laughter. Nora pulls up their donation results and grins.

"What are the numbers, Nora?" Henry asks.

"Good news for all of you, we blew our goal out of the water. Which means, it's three big spoons of double spicy, coming right up." She passes the spoons out, and Alex grabs the salsa. He grins as he passes it down, and Pez dips an experimental chip into it before passing it on to Henry. He tries it, then laughs.

"Ooh, this is going to hurt."

Henry looks at his siblings, each of them with a spoonful of salsa, Philip looking like he might have a regret or two. Alex counts them down, and they all put it in their mouths at the same time.

Philip's whole face goes red almost immediately. Henry feels himself start sweating, and he reaches for the milk greedily as Alex pours it. He glances past Philip to Bea, expecting to see her struggling like he and Philip are, but she looks absolutely normal. He manages a "how?" in between gulps of milk, and she shrugs.

"It's good. Hot, but good. I like it. Pez, pass the chips."

Pez is laughing as they cut the cameras. Henry emerges from his glass of milk to see Alex leaning forward to kiss him, and rather than the nice kiss he was expecting, he's met with a heat that could rival dragon breath, leaving him reaching for more milk as Nora laughs. Philip is laughing, too.

Later, they'll find out just how much they raised for Philip's charity even before it's officially off the ground. Philip will open his instagram or twitter and find out just how willing supporters of Bea and Henry are to rally behind him, and even more importantly, he'll realize just how many members of the military, current and former and from all levels, support his ideas and his work. He'll find DMs full of stories and love, and fan art of them as bears, wearing ridiculous hats and stealing honey from a high rise. But for now, he makes eye contact with a sputtering Henry, and they smile, and something unspoken passes between them.

It feels like one of the promises they would have made each other when they were little, barely able to understand what a promise was. Like they're promising to fight dragons and cross oceans and go to space for each other, and to be best friends forever and ever and never fight or say bad things ever. And maybe they'll never be best friends again, and there will probably be times where they'll say bad things or lash out, but in that moment, Philip knows: he'd fight a dragon for Henry. He'd fight a dragon, and parliament, and their Gran, and anyone else Henry needed him to fight. And he knows that Henry would do the same for him.

On AO3

Notes:

The game they're playing is called Honey Heist, and I rolled for all their roles/hats, so it really is as chaotic as it seems. It's great, played almost entirely with d6s, and a super easy intro to D&D! You can find it here.

--

Want to support the Hannah-Makes-Art fund? You can tip me in ko-fi here!

[adapembroke]

hey bea, I'd love to help you test out your deck. I'm bad at asking the cards clear questions, but my question goes something like this: how will I find balance in my life? how will I find the willpower to do the things that ought to be done?

That’s a great question, Anon. And, honestly, the most common question I’ve asked this deck so far is: “[Issue]: WTF?!” 

I got an image of a set of scales when I read your question, so I decided to create a spread that models that. The top three cards (Underworld, Bloom, and Fish) are about what you need to balance. The bottom card (Watch) is about how to find the willpower to do what needs to be done. I’m going to push back a little bit on the idea of “willpower,” but we’ll get to that.

This spread reminds me of an early chapter in The Sound of Paper by Julia Cameron.

She says: 

“It is difficult to commit to living where we are, how we are. It is difficult and it is necessary. In order to make art, we must first make an artful life, a life rich enough and diverse enough to give us fuel. We just strive to see the beauty in where we’re planted, even if we are planted somewhere that is foreign to our own nature.”

The essential foundational skill in finding balance is honesty. If you’re always living in a future five years from now, thinking about where you should be, trying to be the person you should be, seeing yourself through everyone else’s eyes, you’re not going to be able to take care of yourself enough to bloom now. 

While I am doing this reading, I am eating chocolate covered pretzels. Given my health goals and family history, most people would say that this is not one of my better life choices. Most people also don’t know what it’s like to have just finished a 10-day round of extremely powerful antibiotics, and right now I do. Honesty means admitting that right now I just want to enjoy eating food again. A handful of pretzels feels like a very small price to pay for celebrating being (mostly) healthy again with giddy abandon. I’ve weighed the shimmering brightness of my fitness goals (Fish) against the dark truth of my not giving a crap about them right now (Underworld) and decided that eating pretzels is what blooming is for me in this moment. Two hours ago I drank a quart of green juice. Later I will have some broccoli. In time, balance is restored.

And this is the key to the last element, willpower.

I promised to challenge the idea of “willpower,” and here we are. Recent studies have started to dismantle the idea of willpower as a useful concept. Vox has an adequate intro to the subject here. If willpower is something you’ve historically struggled with, it might be healing for you to dig into the research. 

The key idea that is relevant to your situation is that self-control is not a matter of finding strength in the moment to resist temptation. The time to decide that I wasn’t going to eat pretzels was when I was at the grocery store, when I could have skipped the snack aisle and the question of pretzels entirely. When you find yourself falling out of balance, step back and look at the series of events that lead to you falling out of balance. Ask yourself what circumstances in the past lead to you falling out of balance in that moment. Then do what you can to set up your circumstances so that those things don’t happen again.

But first be honest with yourself: Realistically, given the state you’re in right now, what can you reasonably expect from yourself? 

[1863-project]

Big Fat Summary of Everything

I’ve been rewatching all the Big Fat Quiz episodes for...well, no reason, really, other than that I felt like it. So without further ado, here’s the important stuff I’ve taken from each episode.

BFQOTY 2004:

The first-ever episode. It takes a little bit for the series to hit its stride, and it’s probably most visible here.

Simon Pegg is here, though, which is always a nice plus.

BFQOTY 2005:

Another quieter year, although major celebrities appear alongside the comedians - namely Sharon Osbourne and Gordon Ramsey.

Jon Snow appears reading songs as news stories for the first time. He doesn’t start dancing to them until much later, though.

First appearance of panel show master David Mitchell on BFQ.

BFQOTY 2006:

This is where it goes off the rails, because 2006 is the first of the three appearances of the team that becomes known as the Goth Detectives, Russell Brand and Noel Fielding. Teams gave deliberately weird and funny answers to things they didn’t know before this, but they took it to another level.

Ironically, despite this they end up winning as a joke, which is hilarious.

Big Fat Anniversary Quiz (2007):

First appearance of Richard Ayoade on the show. He and David Mitchell are a team, to boot (and go by the name “Speccy Nerdy Fucknuts,” at that, after their plan to be seated in the middle yet call themselves “Team Three” is thwarted). 

BFQOTY 2007:

Noel and Russell return to defend their title, the only time the winning team has returned so far intact for the next year’s episode. Jimmy Carr isn’t as lenient with them and their bullshitting this time around.

This is the first time regular Rob Brydon is on the winning team even though he’s been in every episode up to this point with the exception of the anniversary episode.

BFQOTY 2008:

Jonathan Ross is glaringly absent this year, but it’s because he and Russell Brand had gotten themselves into some pretty serious trouble over the course of the year. Rob Brydon is also absent, meaning that the Bipedal Seal is now the only constant on the show.

First appearance of Claudia Winkleman.

First appearance of two for James Corden, and he flawlessly sings a verse of That’s Not My Name from memory, foreshadowing his future career as Carpool Karaoke maestro.

Davina McCall and Claudia Winkleman talk about wanting to double-team Jon Snow.

BFQOTY 2009:

Despite what had happened the year before (not on the show), Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand are allowed to be a team.

David Mitchell refuses to dance. It’s very funny.

Rob Brydon does the man in a box voice.

BFQOTY 2010:

First teaming of absolute dynamo surreal dream team Noel and Richard, clearly the best idea this show has ever had. They set a then-record with a score of 12. Team name this year is The Electric Moccasins (although as a joke Robson and Jerome comes up as an alternative).

“How can you throw a live wasp?”

“Why do you think it’s weirder throwing a live wasp than a nightmare?”

BFQOTY 2011:

David Walliams and Miranda Hart set the all-time low score record with a measly 4. Which is impressive because Noel and Richard have been a team eight times over the course of the show’s run as of early 2019.

BFQ of the 80s (September 16, 2012):

Not the most notable of episodes, but still worth it. At least go watch the Mitchell Brook kids act out Live Aid.

BFQ of the 90s (September 23, 2012):

Two words: Mr. Blobby. Jack Whitehall is traumatized for life now.

BFQ of the 00s (September 30, 2012):

Noel and Richard’s second appearance as a team, and most notably, the episode where they make their legendary “your mom” joke at Jimmy’s expense. (Team name: The Indoor Kites aka Hot Shame.)

BFQOTY 2012:

Jack Whitehall’s first non-special appearance on the show. He and James Corden proceed to behave like a couple of giggling schoolboys the entire time, even ordering pizza and white wine and having it delivered to them. Oh, and they’re in tuxedos.

Richard Ayoade’s first win on the show. He’s teamed with Gabby Logan.

Russell and Jonathan are a team again. Apparently this is working out for them.

Charles Dance reads 50 Shades of Grey.

BFQ of the 80s (September 22, 2013):

Again, a quieter special by comparison to some of the episodes of the show, but David Mitchell and Phill Jupitus are a team, so if you’re a fan of panel show team captains appearing on other panel shows, it’s worth it.

BFQ of the 90s (September 29, 2013):

Jimmy Carr gets gunged (slimed for the Americans who grew up with Nickelodeon).

BFQOTY 2013:

Dream team Noel and Richard return as a team for the third time and are actually joint winners, marking their first victory as a duo on the show. Sadly, there’s no team name.

Jonathan Ross brings a turkey and makes sandwiches for everyone else.

BFQOTY 2014:

This is the notorious Mel B episode, but it’s also the first appearance of Sarah Millican, who is wonderful.

Richard and David Mitchell are a team again.

Jon Snow’s dancing career begins in this episode, if I recall correctly.

Big Fat Anniversary Quiz (2015):

Third and as of now final appearance of the Goth Detectives. Russell hands out his phone number to audience members and gets them to text him the answers, which isn’t caught until fairly late in the show.

Jack Whitehall does some texting of his own and interacts with Chico, and it’s honestly one of the funniest things that’s ever been on the show. Claudia hugs him as if she’s his mom when he gets a response for the first time.

BFQOTY 2015:

BAD DONG. I’m pretty sure this doesn’t need to be elaborated on, but if you’ve never seen Bad Dong, you need to see Bad Dong. The episode is worth watching for Bad Dong alone.

Of course, if you like Taskmaster, Greg Davies is here, so that’s a good reason to watch too.

BFQOE January 5, 2016:

First-ever Quiz of Everything. Chelsea Peretti of B99 fame is here, if you’re a fan of Nine-Nine.

Richard and Noel (under the team name The Ladder Collars, named after Jonathan Ross’s giant shirt collar) almost win, but Richard insists on making a joke on the last question and they end up in second. Noel of all people calls him out on it.

Mel Giedroyc takes her shoes off to get more comfortable at one point. Noel notices and proceeds to compliment her shoes (high praise coming from him), then says he’d like to drink Bailey’s out of them (which is a reference to probably the one Boosh thing everyone on the internet has seen at some point in time).

BFQOE 2016 Series Episode 1:

Worth it alone to see Jon Snow doing YMCA.

Jonathan Ross and Bob Mortimer’s team name is One And A Half Condoms.

Two dancers from Strictly Come Dancing (Dancing With the Stars in the US) perform a series of dances for the teams to identify. Somehow, despite hosting the show, Claudia doesn’t get most of them right.

BFQOE 2016 Series Episode 2:

Noel and Richard have the team name “The Sultans of Bhunai.” Also, by some bizarre set of circumstances they actually win outright. 

Richard goes on an absolutely legendary rant after Rob Beckett steals his tray of candy, which amongst other things leads to him renaming Jonathan Ross and Adam Buxton’s team “The Ancient Fucks.”

Personal highlight for me besides Richard’s candy rage: Noel drawing himself and Richard on the bottom of the screen at one point. Cute as hell.

BFQOE 2016 Series Episode 3:

The only time Noel has won two episodes in a row. Here he’s teamed with Eddie Izzard, which is honestly inspired.

Alan Carr and Romesh Ranganathan call themselves “The Twins.”

BFQOTY 2016:

Romesh’s father has been dead for three years and Jimmy didn’t bother to find that out before asking him what his father thought about his tour of America with his mother, which led to the show breaking down before it even got started this time.

Mel Giedroyc is obsessed with Crossrail. It’s great, trust me.

BFQOE 2017:

Noel and Richard’s team name this time is Humanity’s Last Hope:

Katherine Ryan and Aisling Bea bring puppies on. Real puppies. And it’s wonderful. Everyone takes turns holding them.

When the panelists wonder who owns the moon, Noel just flat-out raises his hand. Because, you know, he IS the moon.

Noel draws an eel in a top hat, which I suspect is a Hitcher reference.

BFQOTY 2017:

First appearance of Big Narstie, who ends up fitting in surprisingly well on the show.

Noel and Richard’s team name is Cakes in the Maze.

Oh, and Noel is dressed as the podium.

BFQOE 2018:

Vic and Bob are a team! An actual double act is a team for the first time! (Their name is Strike Force One.)

Personal highlight of this one for me is the Mitchell Brook kids acting out Kasparov’s loss to IBM’s Deep Blue.

BFQOTY 2018:

Noel and Richard’s team name is Discount Fireworks.

Mo Gilligan flosses to Baby Shark.

On that note, upon learning Baby Shark was the biggest hit of 2018, Noel throws a tea mug and shatters it...then immediately goes to pick the shards up so that nobody gets hurt.

“That’s right! I’m on Bake-Off, motherfuckers!”

BFQOE 2019:

Sandi Toksvig and Big Narstie are becoming friends and it’s the cutest thing.

On that note, Sandy (a lesbian) and Joe Lycett (bi/pan) answer a question asking what three songs have in common with “Gay. They’re all gay.”

Also, Sandy knows weird facts about everything, in case you were wondering if QI is in good hands. It definitely is.

Jon Snow brings all the boys to the yard.

[kronos-the-timelord]

Dude, do all of the numbers for that getting to know you better ask! Or half bc 200 is a lot :0

ahhhhhh,, you so nice

1: My name? - Margaret

2: Do I have any nicknames? - maggie, mag, mags, maggles, at one point my friends called me parky

3: Zodiac sign? - libra

4: Video game I play to chill, not to win? - i’ve never been too good at video games (but i like watching ppl playing them) and i’ve only ever had a wii so my sims kingdom was a favorite of mine

5: Book/series I reread? - divergent and pjo

6: Aliens or ghosts? - yes

7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write? - @kata-chthonia

8: Favourite radio station? - 103.3 fm, although i mostly listen to spotify now

9: Favourite flavour of anything? - grape and blue raspberry

10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great? - great or cool

11: Favourite song? - a to b by matt hires

12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? - it usually has to do with what drew me to them in the first place followed up by a version ‘why do you think that?’ i like knowing how ppl think bc it gives me a better way to start understand their view

13: Favourite word? - aurora

14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them? - i can’t really remember, so i dont know what that says :/

15: Last song I listened to? - serial killer by moncrieff

16: TV show I always recommend? - dexter or if they don’t like blood and violence, any of john mulaneys specials

17: Pirates or ninjas? - i liked pirates when i was younger, but ninjas are cool

18: Movie I watch when I’m feeling down? - any studio ghibli or song of the sea

19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song? - lately its been SLUT by bea miller

20: Favourite video games? - i really love boderlands, the art style is great

21: What am I most afraid of? - snakes and failing at something i’ve been saying that i wanted to do my entire life

22: A good quality of mine? - im nice??

23: A bad quality of mine? - im a bit aggressive and im really blunt about things

24: Cats or dogs? - dogs!! I like cats too but i dont know how to interact with them

25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they’re in? - he’s a voice actor, but crispin freeman is really cool!

26: Favourite season? - fall and spring

27: Am I in a relationship? - yeah, but it’s long distance during the school year ;-;

28: Something I miss? - my boi,, he’ll be back soon tho

29: My best friend? @keencheckerboard and @memeathon

30: Eye colour? - brown

31: Hair colour? - brown with red and blonde highlights

32: Someone I love? - my mom

33: Someone I trust? - @keencheckerboard

34: Someone I always think about? - @memeathon

35: Am I excited about anything? - finals to be over!

36: My current obsession? - bnha tbh

37: Favourite TV shows as a child? - i loved avatar and ed, edd, and eddy

38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? - to an extent, but i dont tell them /every/thing

39: Am I superstitious? - kind of

40: What do I think about most? - right now, school

41: Do I have any strange phobias? - not really, i mean i overthink a lot of things, but there’s no phobias

42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind

43: Favourite hobbies? - drawing/reading/writing/sleeping

44: Last book I read? - i think it was called stung, i actually finished it bc i wanted to complain about it properly

45: Last film I watched? - dumbo, my friend wanted to go see it, it wasnt good

46: Do I play any instruments? - i played clarinet for 3 years

47: Favourite animal? - dogs

48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow? - @wemakuu @wemakuutwo @keencheckerboard @memeathon @kata-chthonia

49: Superpower I wish I could have? - teleportation

50: How do I destress? - getting cozy and warm under my blankets with the lights off

51: Do I like confrontation? - i can be aggressive so i will be confrontational if i have to but i don’t go out of my way for it

52: When do I feel most at peace? - in my bed with the lights off

53: What makes me smile? - my friends, my boi, and goofy animal videos

54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off? - gotta be pitch black

55: Play any sports? - i played roller derby for 3 years

56: What is my song of the week? - really feeling be by hozier

57: Favourite drink? - …..water…. and a slushee

58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody? - i think last summer???

59: Afraid of heights? - nope

60: Pet peeve? - slow walkers

61: What was the last concert I went to see? - does my high school’s band count???

62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian? - nah

63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger? - ob nurse, i still do

64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy? - no, i’ve had ppl i tolerated turn into ppl i hate tho

65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? - bhna, but i feel the hero drama would get annoying after awhile

66: Something I worry about? - failing my classes

67: Scared of the dark? - nope

68: Who are my best friends? - this is the same as 29

69: What do I admire most about others? - their drive and where their motivation comes from

70: Can I sing? - no ;-;

71: Something I wish I could do? - sing

72: If I won the lottery, what would I do? - pay off my loans and (hopefully) for the rest of my college and then put whatever i had left into a savings account

73: Have I ever skipped school? - yes

74: Favourite place on the planet? - i think the smoky mountains are really pretty and i loved vacationing around them, but colorado was really neat too, so probs one of those places

75: Where do I want to live? - somewhere on the northeast coast!

76: Do I have any pets? - yeah!! He’s a doggo named dageus,,,, here he is,, the big boi!! (hes 121 pounds of love!!!!!)

77: What is my current desktop picture? - something @memeathon drew me

78: Early bird or night owl? - night owl

79: Sunsets or sunrise? - im usually awake during sunset, but sunrise is really pretty

80: Can I drive? - yeah!

81: Story behind my last kiss? - i was saying bye to my boi at the airport

82: Earphones or headphones? - earphones

83: Have I ever had braces? - yeah,, they weren’t fun

84: Story behind one of my scars? - i have a couple little ones from acne on my back but other than that i don’t have any

85: Favourite genre of music? - i think indie rock?? Is that a genre?? Punk maybe????

86: Who is my hero? - florence nightingale,, she was hella cool and i went to her museum in london

87: Favourite comic book character? - i didn’t read a lot of comic books but i always liked spiderman and witchblade

88: What makes me really angry? - when ppl make fun of my friends >:l

89: Kindle or real book? - i like real books but ebooks are nice for traveling!!

90: Favourite sporty activity? - roller derby or skating

91: What is one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be? - im not really sure what this question means????? But i didn’t like that in my middle school that the behavior coach(es) would already pick sides or would already hate kids that did nothing wrong and then in my high school no one cleaned up after themselves bc ‘the janitors can do it’ :/ it was really annoying

92: What was my favourite subject at school? - english/creative writing and art!!

93: Siblings? - i got an older brother who’s a big nerd

94: What was the last thing I bought? - i went to target last night and i got $68 worth of stuff including planty stuff, food, and gift stuff for my boyfriend’s moms

95: How tall am I? - 5’6” but i will not hesitate bitch

96: Can I cook? - yeah!

97: Can I bake? - yeah!

98: 3 things I love? - my friends/family, animals, and plants

99: 3 things I hate? - slow walkers, rasict/homo/trans/biphobic (anyone who just hates ppl for no reason tbh), and rude ppl >:l

100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? - more girl friends,,, i’ve kinda lost contact with most of my guy friends over the years,,,,

101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? - i feel more comfortable around other girls now but when i was younger i was okay with everyone

102: Where was I born? - in the cornfields of the midwest (i fucking hate this state)

103: Sexual orientation? - straight

104: Where do I currently live? - in the cornfields of the midwest, i am the creature you’re warned about, don’t walk alone at night

105: Last person I texted? - @memeathon : D

106: Last time I cried? - yesterday,,, finals hit me hard but i feel better now :D

107: Guilty pleasure? - uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,,,,,, looking at gross stuff,,, like surgeries and sometimes those pimple popping videos,,,,,,,,

108: Favourite Youtuber? - i’ve been watching a lot of gordon ramsay videos lately but i think brandon rogers or sovietwomble are up there

109: A photo of myself. - heres one i took on my break at work

110: Do I like selfies? - no,,, i don’t really like looking back on photos of myself bc i think i just look weird,, like even in my super nice senior photos,,, or baby pictures,,

111: Favourite game app? - does neko astsume count???

112: My relationship with my parents? - it’s p good :D

113: Favourite accents? - i’m not really sure,,, i think just a flat accent, like midwestern bc its the one im most familiar with so its like homey???????

114: A place I have not been but wish to visit? - japan,, nowhere in specific i just want to see the country

115: Favourite number? - 23!!!!

116: Can I juggle? - no

117: Am I religious? - im a polytheist (a bad one, but oh well)

118: Do I like space? - i love space!!!! Its so neat!!!!!!

119: Do I like the deep ocean? - no!!! Its awful!!!!

120: Am I much of a daredevil? - i think my friends think i am, but i dont really think so, i mean i’ll try anything if it sounds fun, but not everything

121: Am I allergic to anything? - not that i know of

122: Can I curl my tongue? - yes

123: Can I wiggle my ears? - no

124: Do I like clowns? - not really

125: The Beatles or Elvis? - a little bit of each

126: My current project? - my creative writing portfolio ;-; its not that hard but im trying to figure out how to get this character right

127: Am I a bad loser? - depends on what i lost in, like if it was a game i didn’t really care about than no, but if it was something that i cared about a lot than yeah

128: Do I admit when I wrong? - i always try to, but sometimes i don’t

129: Forest or beach? - forest,, i don’t like the beach,, too much sand

130: Favourite piece of advice? - it’s not really advice but just the reminder that your current situation is not your final destination

131: Am I a good liar? - i think so

132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district? - slytherin (its funny bc im scared of snakes)/ dauntless/ and i think district 6 (i live in the crossroads of america so yeah)

133: Do I talk to myself? - all the fucking time

134: Am I very social? - sometimes, i am kinda a social introvert

135: Do I like gossip? - i like to hear it but not be part of it

136: Do I keep a journal/diary? - i have a bullet journal and i try to keep up with my habit and mood tracker daily

137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test? - no, but i have gotten like high d’s and low c’s before that make me sad

138: Do I believe in second chances? - depends on what they messed up on the first chance, like if someone cheated then no

139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do? - i would like to say that i would return it with no money taken, but im just not sure :/

140: Do I believe people are capable of change? - yeah, if they’re really trying and realize that they need to, but even if they do change i know not everyone will accept them back into their lives and it shouldn’t be expected that they should after someone changes for the better

141: Have I ever been underweight? - no

142: Am I ticklish? - very and i have this weird tactile thing thats like i dont like ppl lightly touching me, it freaks me out

143: Have I ever been in a submarine? - no

144: Have I ever been on a plane? - yes!! I love flying!! Its so much fun!!

145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family? - uhhhh,, im going to go by face,, i think for me - shailene woodley bc when she had her short hair ppl told me i looked like her @meme - liana liberato, she got the round face @keen - winona ryder (but back in beetlejuice) boyfriend - tucker west, i know he’s not an actor but he looks so much like him,,,, also it took me forever just to find these guys so im not finding family :p

146: Have I ever been overweight? - no

147: Do I have any piercings? - i have my ears pierced!

148: Which fictional character do I wish was real? - hari jurono,,, i love him ;-;

149: Do I have any tattoos? - no, but i already have some picked out that i want

150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far? - ummmm??? Im not sure?????

151: Do I believe in Karma? - yeah

152: Do I wear glasses or contacts? - contacts during the day and glasses at night

153: What was my first car? - i have a subaru crosstrek named inko!!! I love her!!

154: Do I want children? - no

155: Who is the most intelligent person I know? - my mom tbh,,, shes really smart

156: My most embarrassing memory? - omfg,, so this goes to show how oblivious i am about social interactions, but it was my first week in college and this junior was talking to me and i didnt realize he was flirting with me until after we traded snapchats and he left, so i panicked and never said anything to him again and blocked him

157: What makes me nostalgic? - when i walk around my neighborhood sometimes (i live near the preschool i went to) and i was over at my elementary school almost a year ago now, but i remember walking down the hall and seeing all the different teachers there now and it made me sad

158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter? - yes, just last week

159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty? - brains

160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe? - darker colors like black and blue, but im trying to get lighter ones in there too

161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience? - yes, many times, but the one that sticks out to me is that one night i woke up at like 5 am for no reason, but i was just suddenly wide awake and something felt off, so i was trying to get comfy again and flipped over on my other side so i was facinging the door into my room instead of my wall and in front of my door was a tall black figure with red eyes staring at me and when i blinked it went away,, now i know this can be explained by some other things but with my family it seems more likely to be paranormal

162: What do I hate most about myself? - uhh, i procrastinate way too much

163: What do I love most about myself? - i always support my friends

164: Do I like adventure? - depends on the adventure,,, i like traveling, but not too much walking bc i have bad knees

165: Do I believe in fate? - not really

166: Favourite animal? - question 47

167: Have I ever been on radio? - no, but i was on my school’s announcements and i hated it

168: Have I ever been on TV? - no

169: How old am I? - 19

170: One of my favourite quotes? - “The Gods envy us. They envy us because we’re mortal, because any moment could be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we’re doomed”

171: Do I hold grudges? - im petty

172: Do I trust easily? - no,, im just cautious around ppl bc i just don’t know them

173: Have I learnt from my mistakes? - some of them

174: Best gift I’ve ever received? - im not too sure,,, i got a p cool backpack for my birthday tho that i use everyday

175: Do I dream? - yeah, cant remember too many tho

176: Have I ever had a night terror? - no??

177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind? - can’t remember a lot after i wake up, but i just recently had one with some bnha characters in it, i can’t remember what happened, i just know that they were there

178: An experience that has made me stronger? - i know this might sound a bit morbid, but my aunt’s funeral, it was the first funeral i went to where i understood what was happening and it made me more open to learning and accepting death

179: If I were immortal, what would I do? - want to fucking die,,, i’ve never understood ppl who are scared of dying/want to live forever,, like why would you want that??? What’s the point??? You’ll just watch everyone you love die,,, i know it’s going to be hard on me when that happens to my closer family members, but even the new ppl you befriend,, i just couldn’t

180: Do I like shopping? - yeas

181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do? - tax evasion

182: What does “family” mean to me? - the ppl who i care about deeply and who love me, not all of them are blood related and not all the blood related ones are part of it

183: What is my spirit animal? - idk?????? Maybe a turtle???

184: How do I want to be remembered? - tbh, i don’t really want to be remembered

185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose? - drawing

186: What is my greatest failure? - im not sure

187: What is my greatest achievement? - uhh, i feel like its hard to point at a specific point and be like “that was the best thing i could have done, if i didn’t do that i wouldn’t be who i am today”

188: Love or money? - money

189: Love or career? - career

190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go? - probably to some point in the future,, i dont know where tho

191: What makes me the happiest? - the ppl i care about being happy

192: What is “home” to me? - the house i currently live in,, my family is here and im surrounded by ppl i love,, it’ll probably change with time, but for now its here

193: What motivates me? - spite

194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be? - it’s important to keep moving forward, don’t let the past hold you down

195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens? - kind of, i think it would be p cool

196: A movie that scared me as a child? - it wasn’t a movie but i know the animated wolf from peter and the wolf freaked me out

197: Something I hated as a child that I like now? - i hated mushrooms, but i love them now

198: Zombies or vampires? - vampires

199: Live in the city or suburbs? - suburbs super close to city

200: Dragons or wizards? - DRAGONS

201: A nightmare that has stayed with me? - its silly but when i was younger it would be my mom and i going to the mall downtown and the escalators were missing the part that connected them to the floor so you had to hop over it and when we would get to the 4th floor i would miss the jump and fall

202: How do I define love? - i know a lot of ppl are like “i would die for you or kill for you” something along those lines but i think it’s more living for someone, wanting to see them accomplish everything they wanted, being there for them during their lows203: Do I judge a book by its cover? - yeah, i wont pick up something that doesnt catch my eye

204: Have I ever had my heart broken? - no

205: Do I like my handwriting? - yeah!! Its loopy

206: Sweet or savoury? - sweet

207: Worst job I’ve had? - ive liked all the jobs ive had

208: Do I collect anything? no

209: Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without? - a hoodie/sweater of some kind

210: What is on my bucket list? - going to greece

211: How do I handle anger? - i usually rant for a bit, maybe cry to get the extra hormones out, maybe break something

212: Was I named after anyone? - no, but i did have the same name as my great grandma

213: Do I use sarcasm a lot? - yes

214: What TV character am I most like? - im been watching bnha a lot so i think either kirishima or uraraka

215: What is the weirdest talent I have? - i can cross my eyes and then move one of them

216: Favourite fictional character? - ,,,,, im not sure,, i really love eric from divergent

[whoslaurapalmer]

and that’s The End. 

this is a mess because i am exhausted and kind of bitter but trust me there was quite a bit i still liked overall in s3 and this episode was still really emotional 

-soda shop. right off the bat. soda shop.  -OH MY GOD -THERE SHE IS  -THERE’S MY GIRL -THERE’S BABYBEA  -LIGHT OF MY LIFE -THAT’S HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -hey. but. does netflix know that they can like, portray a character as not over-confident. you took the sadness away from my vfd adults and you took the actual massive sadness and loss away from babybea.  -i mean!!! she’s written six letters to this man and isn’t starting to get worried about it???? she still looks completely intact????? getting on this trolley??? you didn’t take the opportunity to maybe give her a little bit more of a personality?????????????/  -alright. fine. fine. i’m gonna let it go. i wrote my fanfic. i gotta let this one go here. i’m okay. I’M OKAY 

-friday!!!!!! is exactly how i imagined her!!!!!!  -i can’t imagine the end being two episodes because i think it really would’ve stretched it out but at the same time i thought this was the most rushed 51 minutes of my life  -they don’t try to help the islanders!!!!! ishmael doesn’t smuggle an apple!!!! he’s still culty but really!!!! sort of less creepy in places!!!! there’s no mutiny!!!! no extensive forced cult calm of the island cause they spend weeks there before decision day!!!! 

-YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT ISHMAEL WAS SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR VFD.  -YOU REALLY DO, DO YOU.  -you know what..........................i watched seven straight hours of tv and i don’t have the energy to say fuck you anymore and mean it  -but know that i do, netflix. know that i mean it. 

-I’M GONNA SAY IT. AGAIN. THE WHOLE POINT OF THE SERIES IS YOU CAN’T KNOW EVERYTHING. AND YOU HAVE ISHMAEL DUMP ALL THIS INFORMATION ON THEM. -in the book. he gives. this great, massive speech about all these intertwining plotlines and the kids interrupt with what they think are the right answers and they’re not and that was so good and important and it was gone from this, none of that was in here, and i’m..........i’m so sad about that.................

-the place that always gets me is when violet says “our parents saved our lives in this room years ago and didn’t even know it, we can’t die here” and it got me in this episode too, thank you. 

-my one line........that i was waiting for..........when the islanders leave..........they cut it............. :( 

-the coastal shelf scene. was. really good.  -(although i don’t go for show!canon, thank you for at least saying that dewey is babybea’s father.)  -i almost cried. the only reason i didn’t was because my mom was watching it with me and i wasn’t gonna do that with my mom in the room.  -H A T E that they gave olaf the opening of the night has a thousand eyes, and this be the verse is ‘what was that poem your brother used to quote?’  -like........................god, why.  -i’m not. entirely satisfied with everything i witnessed between kit washing up and kit dying but. it wasn’t bad. wasn’t bad at all. (except olaf walking through the water with kit, i could’ve done without that.) 

-but. sugar.  -it was sugar.  -sugar.  -.....sugar.  -whatever. god. whatever. 

-why did you change. the title of bea and bertrand’s book. the incomplete history. mmmm.  -alright, seeing bertrand with glasses made me think, okay, maybe i could picture him with glasses, eventually, maybe. i still always imagined him to be blonde, though. 

-”we met a lemony, remember?” sure wish i didn’t remember you meeting him 

-i didn’t........mind seeing all the little bits of other characters afterwards. some of it was nice. but i didn’t think the original ending of the series in the books was in any way bleak or unhappy. it was bittersweet but it was just the right amount of hopeful and that was so good and so good for the kids and their story that i just. i don’t know. i mean i love a happy ending and unhappy endings aren’t edgy and cool, of course, i agree with that, but this series isn’t trying to be edgy or cool and it was NOT an unhappy ending in the book, it was h o p e f u l and still satisfying and that’s, that’s a lot too, okay, that means a lot too 

-there she is. there’s my girl. there’s netflix, writing all over the timeline of the card she gives him, but, there she is. and patrick warburton made me want to cry so bad cause lemony and babybea need each other so bad. and there they are!!! there they fucking are!!!! my sweet kids. together. at least. at least there’s that.