#it's not like i wasn't almost crying just at her getting an anxiety attack at the beginning

[coffeeworldsasaki]

Another thing that makes kaladin so painfully relatable is how much his mental illness hides his personality, because between depressive episodes and trauma he's this sarcastic little shit that smiles a lot at his friends and then the depression gets to him and all that disappears

[klausysworld]

u write angst so well ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 I'm thinking about one with klaus, but like, something that hurts but it's comforting at the same time

Like him and reader are in a relationship and he travels for some days, reader has depression and during this time she practically can't do anything, cleaning, basic hygiene, cooking, the basic stuff most people do without difficulty. And when he comes back he sees her in this situation and comfort her, giving her a shower, babying her, this fluff stuff

Klaus is one of my comfort characters and, by the way, the speeches he has about life and enjoying like actually helps me a lot with my depression. And u are gold 🥇

Never Alone

Y/n was a sweet girl. She always was.

Growing up she was often full of emotions, crying almost always whether it was because she was too happy or too sad or too angry. However every time her eyes would water, each time her bottom lip would quiver, one of her parents or aunts or cousins would sigh and tell her how annoying she was, how pathetic it was. Her emotions and feelings became ignored, assumed to be overdramatic.

So when she really had something worth crying over, nobody cared to listen. Not a soul would give her even a second. It didn't matter how many times she tried to seriously talk to them, explain she wasn't an oversensitive little girl anymore, she knew what she was feeling and what had happened to her. They didn't care to hear it.

Instead she learned to push any thoughts down or at least aside. If nobody wanted to listen then she wouldn't bother making noise for them to hear.

For a long time, she barely spoke a word.

Most of the time she didn't even really feel anything anymore. She tried to sometimes but she just didn't, couldn't. Life began to feel utterly pointless.

That was when she would spend days in bed, not moving to do a thing. Often she would hope that if she stayed there long enough, maybe she would disappear or if she slept for long enough, maybe she wouldn't have to wake back up. Unfortunately for her, neither of those things happened.

It was fate really that on one of the only days she got dressed and went out that she met Klaus Mikaelson.

Somehow she managed to be in the grill at the wrong time and managed to both witness and experience a supernatural attack. Klaus had thrown Damon across the room which caused him to slam into the wall beside Y/n. Her eyes were wide and she went to walk back out the door but Klaus sped over and grabbed her wrist she she could exit.

"I don't think so sweetheart" he chuckled, pulling her further into the room and she simply couldn't be bothered to struggle. He sat her down in a booth and gave her a fake smile, looking into her eyes and compelling her "Stay still and stay quiet" he ordered before going back and finishing off the rest of the scooby-doo gang.

His eyes flicked back over to the girl he had compelled. Her head lay against the back of her seat and her fingers picked at her lips until the rich scent of her blood reached his nose.

Klaus sped infront of her and he leaned down to pull her hands away, her eyes glanced up at him with anxiety swirling inside of them. His thumb swiped the blood away from her lips and he sucked it off of his skin with a hum. A slither of amusement shone through him as she shifted uncomfortably.

"You can talk now sweetheart, and move as she should please" he told her, interested in her reaction but she barely gave one.

"Can I just go home now please?" She asked, her voice weak and tired. His eyes narrowed briefly before he shrugged and pulled her up.

"Course you can love, come on lets get you back. Point the way" he murmured as he took her outside and placed her infront of him so that she may lead him.

They walked in silence back to her house. She hesitated to go in when the sound of her parents yelling could be heard from where they stood. Klaus observed as she wondered back into the home, her parents oblivious as she slipped past them and up the stairs.

Klaus forgot about her easily, out of sight out of mind.

But then she came into view again, she was sat on the edge of Wickery Bridge with her legs hanging off while she leaned forward daringly.

His brows furrowed and he made his way over. He took a seat beside her, letting his own legs dangle off as well. Again she gave no reaction to his presence, not even when his hand reached out to gently hold her hand. Klaus may not know her or necessarily care for her but he didn't want her life to be seen as a tragedy. He didn't want her to throw what she had away when she could still have so much more.

They sat in silence for some time, sometimes she would swing her legs and lean further forward to see the water below. Each time she shifted closer to falling his grip on her tightened and his gaze hardened.

Later in the night her phone pinged, Klaus glanced to see her mothers name on the screen with a message beneath telling Y/n that neither of her parents would be home for the weekend so she would need to look after herself. His eyes softened as he watched her read the message. Both brows rose on his face when without a care, she tossed the device into the river.

Klaus couldn't help the little laugh that left him as the water splashed and the light from the phone quickly sunk away from sight. His smile died away again as her gaze didn't lift from the deep flowing water and he hesitantly slid his arm around her to secure his hold.

"I'm not gonna jump" she mumbled but he still frowned

"I don't believe you" he whispered honestly and she hummed.

"You don't know me" she muttered and he tilted his head

"Perhaps not yet" he countered but she didn't offer a response. Klaus sighed softly and carefully dropped down from the edge and back onto the rode, his arm stayed around Y/n's waist so that he could pull her back to safety. She huffed in annoyance as he pulled her along with him.

"I don't know who you are or what you are or what you want.." she dragged and he hummed.

"My name is Niklaus, well thats what my father named me however I choose to go by Klaus, I have for centuries. I'm a vampire-werewolf hybrid and what I want is for my family to be calm and collected for one in the thousand years that I have had the privilege to know them" He grinned at her and she stared blankly at him.

"Okay" she mumbled, accepting her fate.

And from that day on, each time he saw her, he would talk at her and pull her along walks with him. He began bringing her back to his house and going through his plans with her, sometimes she would give advice or little comments to put him on a better track and he found her rather helpful when she wanted to be.

Klaus began to notice more and more about her as time went by. Like how she didn't eat much or change her clothes often. He seemed to have to wait forever outside of her house as though no matter what time he came to see her, she had always just woken up.

So he did what he thought would be good.

Klaus set her up a bedroom in his home with a wardrobe of Klaus and a conjoining bathroom which consisted of both a shower and a bathtub.

He caught on quickly that if he wasn't in the house with her then she didn't bother waking up let alone getting up and doing anything. So he started opening her curtains in the morning, gently waking her up and placing some sort of little breakfast item on her lap and a drink on the nightstand while he ran a bath. He'd sprinkle the bath-salts and pour the bath-soak before folding up a towel and hanging it over the radiator.

Then he would wonder back into her room and lift her up. He had discovered that mornings were especially difficult for her to do anything. She wouldn't talk and she wouldn't move. He was lucky that she felt guilty enough to eat the breakfast he fed her, though sometimes she couldn't physically do it and he would encourage her to drink a smoothie so that she had something healthy in her. But every day, without fail, he would carry her to the bathroom and place her onto the heated tiled floor.

"Can you do it yourself sweetheart?" he would ask each morning, his gaze soft and gentle. Sometimes she would be able to and would get undressed and bathe all by herself. Other times she could get undressed and in the bath but would ask him to come back and help her scrub her skin clean. And of course there were days where she just wouldn't respond at all and he would give soft kisses to her head while carefully, respectfully undressing her and helping her into the tub before cleaning her off and lifting her back out to dry her.

There had been one or two occasions when he had been in a rush or a stressed out mood and would end up being a little rude to her. Her eyes would just grow tireder and little tears would gather to them. Guilt would consume Klaus whole and he would push aside whatever was bothering him and apologise to Y/n while helping her get ready before giving her a soft kiss and promising he would be back to check on her.

For a while the most he would do was just a gentle peck on her lips in an act of comfort however as he continued to look after her, he fell in love with her. He would see how long one of his little kisses would last before she would pull away and he would test how far his hands were allowed to wonder before she would let out a whine and curl away.

Time went by quickly, their routine continued. Klaus would ensure she was up and okay, he would go out to fix his problems, return at some point in the day to give Y/n something to eat, sometimes she would have gone for a walk in the garden or be sat with one of his hybrid who were under strict orders to never lay a hand on her, then he would go back out and return a last time. Then she would sit in his art room with a book or a word search or something to occupy her mind while he painted and spoke to her about all the things he had seen that day and which of them he thinks she would have enjoyed. Often they cooked dinner together and then he would take her back to bed and watch a film before departing to his own room.

A few times he would fall asleep beside her with her head on his chest or in his lap as he leaned against the headboard. Neither ever complained or mentioned the arrangement so Klaus began sleeping there more often and would wake his love with a sprinkle of kisses across her cheeks until her pretty eyes would flutter open for him to see.

Things were going quite well until Klaus had to go away for a couple days to speak with some werewolf packs. He had been skeptic and concerned to leave sweet Y/n all alone but he also knew he had his hybrids and asked them to take care of her. He hadn't known that they were unsired at that point and completely forgot the girl even existed.

Y/n hadn't moved from the spot in her bed since Klaus had left two days before. It only took one glance for Klaus to realise this when he returned. His expression changed in an instant and he was pulling the covers off of her, promising her he wouldn't leave her again.

"It's all okay sweetheart, lets get you to the bathroom okay?" He whispered as he carried her in and sat her down on the toilet while running a bath for her to lay in. "I'm gonna get you some water okay?" he murmured before speeding down to the kitchen and grabbing some water and tossing some pasta into a pan with water and turning the stove on before flashing back upstairs.

He placed the glass down on the side and lifted her back up, pulled her clothed off and lowered her into the bath. His fingers gently wiped the tears away that had slipped down her face before pouring some of the warm water over her hair.

"My sweet girl" he cooed softly, his hands lathering her hair in shampoo. "You're going to be just fine" he murmured, rinsing her hair out and combing conditioner through the ends. He reached for the loofa and began washing her body gently, pouring soap over her shoulders and scrubbing it across her soft skin. "Okay sweetheart, stay right there" he mumbled, zipping back to the kitchen and pouring the pasta into the colander and then back into the pan with a jar of tomato sauce before grating some cheese over the top and grabbing a fork. He brought it up and put it on her bedside table before going back to her bathroom and washing the conditioner out before lifting her out the tub and engulfing her in a warm towel and carrying her to her room. He sat her down on the chair by her vanity and stripped her bedding off and tossed i to the laundry basket. Using his vampiric speed her put clean bedding on and then placed her on top the duvet with a kiss to her head. The towel was taken from her and one of his clean shirts was pulled over her head and he carefully pulled her arms through.

"Alright angel, there you are. Nice and clean my lovely, now we're gonna eat some pasta, okay?" he mumbled, placing her cushioned lap tray onto her lap and then the bowl of pasta and her glass of water. "There we go sweetheart" he smiled softly while stabbing some of the pasta onto the fork and hand feeding her.

Once she ate half of it and drank all of her water he took it away and pulled her onto his lap. His arms circled her and she hid her face in his neck before hesitantly whispering, "Klaus?"

"Yes love?" He hummed, stroking her hair

"I need pants" she uttered and he glanced down, remembering he had only half dressed her.

"Of course sweetheart, forgive me" he replied, quickly grabbing some panties and sliding them up her legs to cover her up. "Perfect" he smiled.

"Thank you" she muttered, looking up at him "I'm sorry" she told him but he shook his head.

"No angel, I'm sorry. I should never have left you all alone." he argued, a frown on his face as he kissed her cheeks and stroked her arms. "You feel like going outside today?" he asked kindly and she shrugged.

He nodded silently and carried her out into the garden, sitting her down on the soft grass so that she was surrounded by the flowers. He wondered over to the strawberries growing a little way over and picked a couple before bringing them over to her with a smile. She returned it with warmth and giggled when he held them to her lips for her to take a bite.

He sat down beside her and pulled her into his side. She lay her head on his shoulder and held onto his hand. Klaus rest the side of his face against the top of her head and watched at the trees swayed in the distance.

"I love you Y/n" he whispered, his voice delicate and airy as the words met her ear. Her hand squeezed his and he smiled.

"I love you too" she told him quietly and he kissed her head, she then lifted it to face him and pressed her lips to his. Klaus felt his expression soften as he kissed her back and interlaced their fingers. Their lips parted and he rest his forehead against hers,

"I'll never leave you alone" he told her.

"You promise?" she whispered, her voice shaky.

"I promise."

[vivwritesfics]

hiii!!! if you can can you please make a fanfic like (sorry for my bad explaining) basically a fluff fic with oscar piastri and y/n where they meet at like the streets of paris or something romantic like that? (you can give it any ending you want lols)

one of my best friends is from paris and we talk about how it's not the romantic place we all fantasize it to be. but i got you boo

Paris, France:

The hotel was awful, just awful. But that was what she got she got for booking her holiday on a budget.

The bed must have had bedbugs. She saw one review online (after she had checked in) that suggested it. And, ever since, she could feel the little fuckers crawling all over her skin.

If the bathroom wasn't down the hall, she would have been throwing up from anxiety. But, instead, she shut her eyes and tried to fall asleep.

And then her neighbours started shagging. Like, bed hitting the wall behind her kind of shagging. Holy shit, she needed to get out of here.

Grabbing her jacket and placing her valuables into her pockets, she headed out of the hotel.

The streets of Paris were a little bit terrifying in the dark. If one of her friends had just done with her, they could have gotten a nicer hotel and she wouldn't have been terrified to walk the streets in the dark. She shouldn't have been out there, she knew, but it was either have a panic attack on the disgusting floor of the hotel room or get out for some fresh air.

It was like there were eyes on her all the time she was walking. She pulled her jacket closer to her body and walked a little faster. Her eyes were trained on the floor as she pretty much marched down the streets of Paris.

Her body collided with somebody else. "Shit," she cried as this persons arms wrapped around her, stopping her from falling.

"Are you okay?" He asked, voice not accompanied by a French accent. "Sorry, I should have been looking at where I was going." He shook his head, floppy, Prince-Charming-from-Shrek hair falling in front of his face.

"It's okay," she said, tightening her grip on the things in her pocket.

He released her. "I'm Oscar," he said, holding out his hand.

She didn't take it, but she did smile at him. "Nice to meet you, Oscar," she replied, not giving her own name.

It was almost like a game, on the streets of Paris. Oscar twisted his wrist and looked at his watch. "Where are you headed? Do you need me to walk you there?"

The red flag in the back of her head was taking a long ass time to raise. "I'm good," she said, because he was still a stranger on the streets of Paris. She began to walk past him. "It really was nice to meet you, Oscar," she said and began walking again.

Santorini, Greece:

The view from her balcony was so fucking pretty. The glittering ocean, the pale sand, the gorgeous architecture. It was a far cry from Paris.

Even on a budget she'd managed somewhere nice. A lot nicer than that hotel room in Paris. Here she felt safe. She left her valuable things in her hotel room (in the safe) and went out to dinner.

It was so damn peaceful. This was the getaway she needed, not those few nights in Paris. This was fucking bliss.

But then he showed up. She was in a little beach front restaurant, having a drink when he came walking past. What did he say his name was? Oscar? What the hell was he doing in Greece?

Her initial reaction was to think he had been followed. But the way he was looking at her, all confused before that look of familiarity crossed his face, it was all so genuine.

"Are you following me?" He asked it in such a teasing way, she immediately knew he wasn't serious.

She kicked out the chair in front of her. "Come have a drink with me, Oscar."

He obeyed and sat himself in the seat opposite her. Almost immediately a waiter came over to take his drink order. As soon as the waiter was gone, she was staring at him. "So, tell me about yourself, Oscar."

"Aren't you gonna tell me your name?" He asked as she sipped her drink.

She thought about it for a moment. "Tell you what, tell me about yourself, and I'll tell you my name."

He held out his hand, and this time she took it. "Deal."

Italy:

Italy had never been on her list of destinations. She didn't understand why not, because it was gorgeous.

But seeing the sights was such a small part of it. She walked behind Oscar, Oscar Piastri the Formula One driver, as he led her through the paddock.

"This can't be real," she said for the fourteenth time since they'd climbed out of the car.

Oscar laughed at her. "It's real," he assured her as he took her to the McLaren garage. He stopped for a second and gave her a minute to step closer and take his hand.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me you were a race car driver," she said as she squeezed his hand. It wasn't a comforting squeeze, but it had Oscar laughing, again.

"I did," he insisted.

"Yeah, after we'd had four cocktails!"

He led her through the garage, to his drivers room. "Okay, okay. How can I make it up to you?"

He shut the door behind him and she stepped closer. "Hmm," she said and pushed his hair out of his face. "Take me back to Paris?"

"Paris?"

She hummed.

"Okay," he answered, still holding her hand. "I'll take you back to Paris."

[girlgenius1111]

who could stay?

alexia x r

r is struggling with her anxiety. Alexia wants nothing more than to help. Will r let her?

CW for panic attacks / general depictions of anxiety.

Alexia knew something was up with you. Recently, you'd been attached at the hip to her. This wasn't something she minded, not at all, it was just quite out of character for you. You'd responded to her attempts to figure out what was wrong with tight lipped smiles, and clear lies that you were fine. You looked exhausted, which she didn't understand. You spent most nights at her apartment, and there was no indication that you weren't sleeping, yet the bags under your eyes only darkened. You made no indication that you wanted to speak to her about what was wrong, but luckily, she caught you getting out of bed one night.

Alright, she didn't catch you getting out of bed, but she rolled over, half asleep, looking for you to snuggle up against, eyes snapping open when she found your side of the bed empty. Still warm, but empty. She was instantly awake, and worried. She first looked to the bathroom, but the light was off, the door ajar. There was no light flowing in from the hallway, but she headed that way anyway, not sure where else you would be.

Entering the living room, she could just barely make you out on the couch, head in your hands, body seemingly shuddering with every breath.

"Amor?" she called softly, flicking on the light as she did so. Your head snapped up, wild eyes meeting hers. Your eyes were red, and tear tracks stained your cheeks. Alexia moved to your side quickly, crouching down in front of you. "Hey, amor, what is wrong?"

"No-nothing. I'm fine. Go ba-back to sleep, Ale," you gasped out. Alexia frowned in response, making no move to do as you said.

"Mi vida, why are you out here? Why did you not wake me?" Alexia was confused. She'd seemed to have found the root of why you looked so exhausted, but she still wasn't sure why she found you crying, by yourself on the living room couch, in the middle of the night.

You were quickly losing the ability to speak, though, something that Alexia picked up on. "What can I do?" she asked, begged really. She hated seeing you like this, hated not being able to help. In response, having clearly given up on trying to force her to go to bed, you gripped onto her forearm, your desire obvious. She moved up onto the couch, pulling you securely into her chest. Your ear was pressed right over her heart, and you tried to calm down, listening to the steady beats.

"Shh, you are okay, bonita, I've got you," Alexia soothed, and you tried to focus on her words. You were okay. You were safe. You were with Alexia. You were clinging onto her quite hard, and she held you with equal force. "Breath for me, amorcita, in and out, just like that."

Alexia's voice was comforting, and she talked you through the worst of the panic attack, only pulling away once you're breathing was almost normal.

"Thank you," you told her, eyes downcast.

"Of course," she paused, not really sure what to ask first. "How long has this been going on?"

"Only a week," you replied, and Alexia sighed in response.

"A week of waking in the middle of the night like this, and you did not get me once?"

"I didn't want to bother you, Ale,"

"You are not capable of bothering me," the midfielder argued, but she took a breath, not wanting to get frustrated when you were clearly still so upset. "Is something causing it?"

You stayed silent.

"Amorcita, please let me in. I want to help, I do not like seeing you so upset," Alexia begged.

"I stopped taking my anxiety medication," you admitted.

"Porque?" Alexia questions, looking stunned. You shrug. "Porque, amor?" Alexia asks again.

"I don't like relying on it. It messes with my mood, and I just don't want it anymore, I don't need it."

"Clearly, you do need it. There is nothing wrong with needing to take something for your anxiety, y/n." Alexia states, trying to keep her voice even. "Did you talk to your doctor about going off?"

"No," you reply, voice small.

"Amor, come on. That is not safe,"

"It's fine, Alexia, please just leave it," you respond, trying to sound firmer than you felt.

"No, I will not. I care about you, and I do not like it when you are unkind to yourself. You deserve to feel good everyday, and if medication helps you feel that, then you should take it. You are going to talk to your doctor, go back on your meds, and if you want to change something with them, you will do it under the supervision of a medical professional. Entiendes?"

"Si," you respond quietly, and Alexia is surprised at how quickly you give up. Your dropping eyes tell her why, though, and she drops her stern attitude.

"Venga, mi vida, let's go back to bed." You allow her to guide you back into bed, but clearly, you you think she's still mad at you, because you lay on the edge of your side of the bed, as far from her as you could get. You feel her pull on your shirt, and you turn, eyes watery. Alexia is laying facing you, arms open, a soft look on her face, and you waste no time scooting over into her warm embrace.

"I want you to talk to me, mi amor. When you are anxious, I want you to tell me, so I can help," Alexia whispers into your hair.

"I hate bothering you."

"Listen to me, por favor. You could never bother me, especially not when you're sharing your feelings with me. Vale?"

"Okay." You allow, after considering for a minute.

"Do you think you can go to sleep?"

You shrug. "I'm still kind of anxious," you mumble. Alexia presses a kiss into your hair, sliding her hand under your shirt, and beginning to run her nails up and down your back. She feels you relax more against her.

"There you go, amor. Just focus on the feeling of my hand on you. Everything is okay," she promises.

"Love you," you murmur, words almost lost in the fabric of her shirt.

"Te amo mucho, bonita." Alexia responds, only letting herself fall asleep once she was sure you had first.

-----

The first time you do as Alexia asked, and tell her when you're feeling anxious, is only a few days later. You're back on your medication, having met with your psychiatrist, who agreed to look into other options, so long as you went back on the current one for now. It was still an adjustment, though, and you were still significantly more anxious than normal. Alexia had taken to holding you tight against her while you both slept, which had worked in 2 ways. You hadn't woken up having a panic attack, and even if you had, you wouldn't have been able to slip out of bed without her noticing.

You've both returned from practice, and Alexia is in the kitchen, making a snack, when you decide that you are feeling to uneasy to sit and wait for her. Being in physical contact with her was one of the only things that was always successful in calming you down. Entering the kitchen, you quietly pad over to Alexia, wrapping your arms around her abdomen, and resting your head against her back. She stills her movements, cutting up strawberries, and puts the knife down, placing her hands over yours.

"Hola," she says quietly.

"Hi," you respond, voice shakier than you would have preferred.

"Everything okay?" she asks carefully, aware that it is not, but wanting you to come to her.

"No," you say. You mean to follow it up with something else, but your throat feels tight, as you swallow back tears, and you can't get another word out. Alexia doesn't need more, though, turning around and holding you tight against her chest, swaying you both back and forth lightly. You let out a shaky breath, feeling yourself already calming slightly.

"Thank you for telling me," Alexia says, aware of what a big step that simple word had been for you. "Can I do anything?"

"I don’t know," you admit, words dripping with vulnerability.

“That is okay. I’ve got you." She reassures, guiding your head away from her neck, and pressing her forehead to hers. Your eyes flutter shut, and you sigh. After a few moments, you pull away, feeling somewhat calmer. You only make it as far as Alexia’s arms allow, as she isn’t letting go.

“Make your snack, Ale,” you instruct, but she simply shakes her head, manhandling you into the position she wants you in. Once she has you stood in front of her, arms wrapped around her body, she resumes her snack preparations, looking over your shoulder as she cuts the fruit.

You chuckle lightly into her at her ridiculousness, but she ignores you, not letting you move from your spot nestled against her.

“We’re becoming that couple, Alexia. The annoyingly clingy couple.”

“No me importa. I like you clingy.” She declares, shuffling the both of you across the kitchen to put the strawberries back in the fridge. By the time she’s put the snack in a bowl, not letting you even an inch away from her, you’re both laughing.

Finally, she lets you go, smiling triumphantly at your significantly more relaxed behavior. She places a strawberry piece into your mouth, pecking your lips lightly.

“Better?”

“Yeah. So much better.” You promise, returning her soft smile.

“Bueno!” She replies, before taking the bowl in one large hand, and scooping you up and over her shoulder in the other. Her strength impresses you, but still, you squirm slightly as she carries you into the living room towards the couch.

“Alexia!! You’re being absurd” you laugh, and she playfully smacks your ass with the hand holding onto you. “Alexia Putellas Segura, put me down!”

Arriving at the couch, she tosses you easily down, and you bounce slightly. She’s looking down at you with a smirk, and you can’t help your lips tugging into a matching one. Just when you think she’s going to be normal again, she sprawls herself on top of you, larger body enveloping yours, as she shifts around making herself comfortable.

“No room for you to be anxious now, amor.” She says matter of factly, and you wrap your arms around her. It sounds absurd, but really, she’s right. Her weight on you is the perfect amount of pressure, and the smell of her perfume invading your senses slows your heartbeat easily.

Alexia reaches over to the table grabbing both the remote and bowl in her hand, making her intention to not get off of you clear.

“I like you clingy too.” You mumble, and the blonde offers you another strawberry. Your hands busy holding onto her, so you open your mouth, rolling your eyes, as she places it carefully in your mouth. You aren’t annoyed, not at all. You didn’t know what you needed before, but Alexia did. She always did.

----

The next time you ask Alexia for help, it’s a much bigger hit to your pride. You’ve just gotten into a fight, which ended with Alexia storming out of the house to “go on a drive and clear her head.”

It was a stupid fight; both of you thought the other was taking on too much at Barca and your respective national teams, and the lack of time together had been taking its toll. Frustrated, and really just missing each other, you’d gotten into an argument about which of you was too busy. It was both of you. Neither of you were ever people to give up, or step away, even when it was for the best, so you took your exhaustion and frustration out on each other.

You know both of you just need to calm down, and you would have given her the space to do so. Only, the minute she walks out of the house, you begin spiraling. You panic in a way that is completely disproportionate to the situation, but you can’t help it. She’s mad at you and you hate when she’s mad at you.

You need to do something to stop your panic. Your psychiatrist has decided on a new medication plan, in which you are on a lower dose of everyday meds, and take an as needed medication when you’re feeling extra anxious.

This is one of those times, you realize, as you shakily unscrew the bottle, and realize that it’s empty. You’d forgotten to pick up the refill earlier in the week, when you’d woken up anxious, and taken the last pill half asleep.

Cursing under your breath, you go to the bedroom, sitting down in the dimly lit room, and trying to do the breathing exercises you’d been practicing. It’s futile though, you’re already too far gone for that to work. You need either Alexia, or your medication.

You think about the conversations you’ve had with her over the past weeks, in which she assured you, over and over, that she would always be there to help you when you needed her. You aren’t really sure if she meant for you to talk to her when she was mad at you, though.

Deciding that you don’t really have a choice, you pull out your phone, clicking your girlfriend’s contact. You’ll just ask her to pick up your new prescription from the pharmacy, not to come help you. You don’t expect her to do anymore than that, not right now.

To her credit, she answers after only a couple rings, although her voice is still sharp.

“Sí?” She asks, not bothering to greet you, a sign of how upset she is.

“Alexia,” you say, not able to hide the relief you feel at the sound of her voice. You’re breathing heavily now, and you have to pause before you say anything else.

“What is it?” She asks, shifting to a more concerned tone.

“Get my refill of my meds?” You manage.

“Joder, yes, I will go now.” She answers, and you can hear the tires screeching as she makes what is probably an unsafe u-turn. Clearly, Alexia understands what’s going on with you, and it makes you feel better, if only slightly, that she doesn’t sound as mad anymore, just worried.

“Sorry,” you stutter, feeling bad for interrupting her time alone.

“No, it is okay,” she dismisses. “I will be there in 10.”

With that, she hangs up. You lean your head back against the bed, gripping the soft carpet under you in your hands. Shutting your eyes, it feels like only minutes have passed when you hear the front door open, and Alexia call out for you.

“Up here,” you yell out shakily. Alexia’s footsteps pound on the stairs as she races up them, bursting into your room and ruining the peaceful atmosphere that had been in place. She looks almost as upset as you feel, as she crosses the room in 3 long strides, grabbing a glass of water from your nightstand, and quickly getting out a pill.

She watches you take it, eyebrows knit together as she takes in your labored breathing. After a second of thought, she settles down next to you, leaving you the option of scooting closer to her.

“You can go, it’s okay.” You tell her, assuming she doesn’t want to comfort you, not when you just had a fight. Her tone tells you otherwise.

“Do not be stupid, I am not leaving.”

“But you needed to—“

“And you need me.” She says simply, as if you’re the only thing that matters. It dawns on you that maybe you are. You meet her eyes, then, and see nothing but love reflecting back at you. Not anger, not frustration, none of the things present before she’d stormed out. Convinced, you lean into her, resting your head on her shoulder. You allow yourself to forget about the fight, push all your worries from your brain, as you focus on your breathing, and steady, dependable Alexia next to you.

“Did you really think I would leave you like this?” The blonde asks quietly after a minute.

“You were mad. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you’d wanted to go.”

Alexia scoffs. “I love you more than I could ever be mad at you. If you need me, I will be here. No matter what.”

It’s not the first time you’ve heard this from her, but it’s the first time you really believe it. Maybe Alexia was telling the truth. Maybe there really wasn’t anything you could do to push her away, scare her off. She’d stuck with you through all the things you thought she wouldn’t, holding your hand, softly kissing your cheek through everything thrown your way.

It was overwhelming, the love you felt from her in that moment. You often felt like you couldn’t put into words how much you loved Alexia, but this was the first time that you’ve really been convinced that she loves you just as much as you love her.

You look up at her, eyes glassy, mouth opening and closing as you try to figure out what to say, how to express what you feel for her.

“What, amor?” She questions softly. Her eyebrows are scrunched again, and this time you aren’t panicking, and you can appreciate how cute it is, the way her worry for you is painted clearly across her face.

“I love you. I don’t know what I’d do without you, Alexia, I really don’t. You’re- you’re everything to me. Everything.” You whisper back.

Alexia’s face melts, all the tension leaving her, as she grabs your face in her hands, pressing a bruising kiss to your lips. You fall into it, the feeling of her lips moving desperately, but gently, against your own.

As you kiss her, you think you’ve maybe defined it, how much she means to you. Alexia is everything. Everything you could ever want or need.

——-

This wasn’t a request, just something I decided to write when I was anxious. I hope you guys like it anyway.

[schemmentigfs]

Future Milf, part two.

part one!

paring: melissa schemmenti x reader.

summary: after the incident in the teacher's lounge, you start to avoid melissa who is willing to know what happened and trying to get things back to normal.

warnings: just a little angst but trust me, we have a happy ending!

author notes: This is a little rushed, but I hope you all enjoy this second part 🤍 I also wanted to thank the beautiful people who are sending requests for Mel, they are amazing and i'm already working on them! And don't worry, feel free to send any idea that comes to mind. It will be an honor for me to turn them into reality.

tags: @esposadejoyhuerta @gweninred @moistblobfish

English is not my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes!

The truth was that Melissa was completely disoriented, her brain trying to process what had happened in the last seven minutes. You acting like that and apologizing, leaving the room as quickly as possible made her worried as hell.

All she wanted was to comfort you and know what was really happening. There were a lot of doubts in her mind, to be honest. Had she done something? Or said something? The way you couldn't look into her green eyes was so strange..

Everything between you two was great until today, and then it all suddenly fell apart at lunchtime? That made her feel a little paranoid.

“Melissa, are you well? Are you hurt?” Barb asks.

“I don't know,” she said, staring into nothing, worrying her friends, “I just need to check on her.” The redhead gets up and runs to start looking for you.

“MELISSA! WAIT!” the entire Abbott crew screams, but she completely ignores it.

She stops in front of your classroom and notices that the door is locked. The lights are off, but Melissa knows you're in there.

“Sweetheart, please let me in,” she knocks gently, “I am not mad with ya. Don't worry about it, I just want to know how you are.” The older woman adds, almost begging for you to open the door.

Locked inside your classroom, you were sitting on the floor. Curled up hugging your knees, trying to find some comfort while crying. The whole situation was so fucking stupid, of course. But it still left you overwhelmed and on the verge of an anxiety attack.

So lending Melissa the future milf t-shirt made you completely lose your mind? Wow, you really were a stupid person. Stupid. That word stuck in your brain and made you cry even more.

Hearing your quiet sobs made the redhead's heart break into pieces. The thought of her doing something that made you hurt was utterly painful. The truth was that Melissa would blame herself for the rest of her life if she had made you feel bad in any way.

“Hon, c'mon. Let me—” she started.

“Don't. Melissa, please. Just go away, I need to be alone,” you interrupt her, hoping she would understand that you didn't have the strength to say anything else.

Before walking away, she whispers loud enough for you to hear. “If you need anything, you know where to find me. But please, promise me you'll be okay.” The redhead said trying to wipe away the small tears that threatened to fall from her face.

“I'll be fine. Now go.” You growl, unaware that your words have fully gotten to her.

—

It had been a while since Melissa changed her mood so quickly. She had learned to control her emotions, thanks to you, who helped her notice that it was okay to show them from time to time and it wasn't shameful at all. But at that moment everything seemed useless.

Her legs were shaking slightly and she kept tapping her fingers on the desk, while trying to focus on correcting some of the children's homeworks. It was clear that Melissa was almost having a huge panic attack.

Ashely, who was now scrolling through her cell phone boredly after making sure the students were doing their activities calmly and in silence, noticed the sudden change in the redhead and her eyebrows raised in confusion.

“What’s the matter, boss? You seem a little quiet since lunch time. Which is strange ‘cause earlier you were all excited and—”

The older woman rolls her eyes. “Nothing happened. I'm fine,” she responds, clenching her teeth, “everything is ok, kid.”

“Are you sure? I know we’re not that close, but if you need to vent, I’m all ears.” The girl shrugs.

Melissa's eyes widen, her aide was really willing to give her some advice? Normally, Ashley didn't tend to be very serious. When she tried to help, the girl always ended up saying things that were a bit nonsense. But this time, she was here ready to be a shoulder to lean on.

“Y/n..” she started but quickly corrected herself, not quite ready to confide the crush she had on you to anyone else than Barbara. “Today, a strange thing happened between me and a friend that honestly left me completely confused.”

“Oh. Do you have any idea what might have happened?”

Melissa stops for a moment, trying to get her head to work and think of a reason that could explain what had happened between the two of you.

“I-I can't explain it properly...everything was normal between us and when lunch time came...” the teacher stuttered, “she could barely look at me and when I told her to act like a real adult and tell me what was happening, she panicked and ran away.”

“After that you were able to talk to her?”

“Kinda, but she told me to leave her alone.”

Ashley gives her a pitying look, she knew who Melissa was referring to. Anyone who works at Abbott would know. “I'm sorry this happened boss, but I'm sure things will get better between you and her. Just give her a little time.”

Melissa nodded and smiled. “Thanks for the advice, hon.”

“Anytime boss, anytime.”

—

Changing my life with the wave of her hand.

Nobody can deny that there's something there.

There.

Running my hands through her hair.

Both of us thinking how good it can be.

Someone is speaking, but she doesn't know he's there.

The melody of Here, There And Everywhere by The Beatles echoed throughout the kitchen directly from the small radio on the balcony, while Melissa prepared dinner.

This was one of the many songs she always wanted to dedicate to you, the redhead dreamed of dancing with her arms around you, after a busy day at school while this song played. Just the two of you, enjoying each other's company.

Was it quite cliché? Of course it was, even for the one and only Melissa Schemmenti. But to be honest, she didn't care how it sounded.

The older woman was so in love with you that she thought of endless romantic scenarios every day. After what happened today, every one of them seemed distant. But she still had a simple hope within her.

“Watching her eyes, and hoping I'm always there,” she sings passionately, while cutting the tomatoes perfectly, “I want her everywhere, and if she is beside me. I know I need never care, but to love her is to need her everywhere.” Melissa closes her eyes for a moment, thinking about you.

On the way out, she looked for you in the Abbott parking lot but was unsuccessful, she was waiting for a message from you, saying that you had arrived home safely like you always did.

But you didn't send her anything.

A feeling ran through her body. It was as if the redhead was losing the most precious thing in her life. Desperate, Melissa picked up her cellphone that was leaning on the living room table and went to check on you. Screw the advice Ashely gave earlier, she couldn't wait anymore.

Hon, are you feeling better? I hope so. By the way, did you manage to get home safely?

Sorry if I sound desperate, but I need to know if things are ok.

Y/n? Please answer me.

Her heart breaks into pieces when she sees that you just viewed the message and didn't even make the effort to reply back. For fuck’s sake, what had she done that was so serious? Nothing made sense anymore.

Just a few blocks away, you were lying on the couch and drinking an entire bottle of vodka, pretending like you didn't care about not responding to Melissa's messages. It was immature, but it seemed to make sense to you. Since this whole milf situation was a complete disaster, ignoring her seemed right.

Of course, inside you felt like a monster, knowing that the redhead didn't deserve this. But what you could do?

“I’m ready to open another bottle and listen to a two-hour-plus loop of Chamber of Reflection,” you say, making Ava sigh.

The principal had stopped by your house hours ago to check on you and when she saw the miserable state you were in, she decided to stay there for a while. And tried to comfort you (in the most Ava Coleman way possible.)

“Y/N. Come on, you can't act like Schemmenti doesn't exist. If you keep doing that, she'll soon break into your place to find out what's going on,” she comments, “just like an episode of a soap opera where the greatest absurdities happen in an exactly dramatic way.” Ava finished her sentence while painting her nails a shade of red. The act catching your attention.

Red. It reminded you of Melissa.

Yeah, this was being harder than it seemed.

“Shut up, she won't come after me,” you said it like it was just another one of the stupid things Ava used to say.

“Yes, she will. And y’know that very well.”

—

The next day, Melissa sat with her arms crossed at the table she shared with Barb and you. The redhead stared at the small tupperware in front of her, last night she made what she knew was your favorite dish: pancakes. She was anxiously waiting for you to show up in the break room, but that didn't happen.

Keep calm, Schemmenti. She will appear soon. She won't ignore you.

“Dear..” the kindergarten teacher whispers and she snorts, trying to change the subject, disguising how tense she was.

“What’s so interesting out there?” Melissa asks as she notices Janine, Gregory and Jacob looking at each other with strange expressions after spying in the window.

“Nothing.” Jacob is the first to respond and the couple agrees with him, swearing that there was nothing interesting outside.

She laughs humorlessly, the history teacher simply didn't know how to lie.

“C'mon, kiddo. You guys look like you've seen a ghost.” The redhead gets up from the table and approaches the three, squinting to see anything out of the ordinary and when she does. Her breathing hitches.

On the sidewalk, there were you and another teacher, who she recognized as the art teacher. The woman was happily chatting with you and leaning too close to Melissa's chagrin.

Ms. Evans was know for her big crush on you, she was always fighting with the redhead to have your attention. And now that Melissa was being ignored by you, this bitch thought she could have you all to herself? No way.

“YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!” she yelled coming down to get some satisfaction from you.

The sound of angry footsteps caught your attention, it was clearly that they belong to who you had been avoiding since yesterday, Melissa.

The wish was for the redhead to pass straight by without noticing your presence there. But instead, she approached and with a certain force grabbed you by the arm, taking you to one of the far corners of the building.

“Melissa! What the fuck?” you said.

“So while I was worried to death there in the staff room because you didn't talked to me since yesterday, you were here talking normally to that idiot!” the older woman's tone was altered, you could clearly hear the jealousy in her voice, “Had fun with your new best friend?”

“She’s not my best friend. We were just talking,” the nonsensical accusation makes you roll your eyes, letting out a mocking chuckle. “Melissa, stop acting like that!” you shout and she loses her temper even more.

“You suddenly act like a bitch and I’m the one to blame? What the fuck is wrong with you, Y/n?” she growls, fire in her green eyes.

“I dunno, a lot of things I suppose,” you retort coldly.

Melissa sighs when she realizes how tough she was. “Look, I don’t want to be an idiot. But please tell me what I did, so I can fix it.”

“We have nothing to fix between us, Schemmenti.”

“What? Are you really going to ignore it and pretend like none of this is happening?” The redhead asked in disbelief.

“Trust me. It’s better this way, for both of us,” you mumble, walking away from her, leaving an upset Melissa behind.

—

After the ‘argument’ on Tuesday, Melissa and you barely crossed paths at Abbott. And when you bumped into each other in the hallway, both grumbled and went back to your own ways.

The redhead and you were fighting the need to put the damned pride aside and throw yourselfs into each other's arms, and finally apologizing. But you were too stubborn for that and it was fucking complicated.

“This is stupid! Can you believe that Y/n started going to that coffee shop that's just a few blocks away from here just so she wouldn't have to face me at lunch? This whole thing is starting to irritate me.” Melissa tells to her best friend one morning.

“I understand that this situation is complicated, but don’t you think that both of you are exaggerating?” Barb asked carefully. Even she couldn't handle this situation anymore, it was disappointing to have to see you and Melissa acting like two children.

Ava who was listening to the conversation cautiously, decided to interrupt. “Schemmenti, haven’t you put the pieces together yet? Unbelievable.” She said as if it was something of small importance, making the redhead's eyebrows raise in confusion.

“Huh?”

“It’s so simple, I thought you already figured it all out,” the principal continues in a mysterious tone, making Melissa's head spin, “If it weren’t for this bullshit, you and Y/n would already be like two rabbits jumping on top of each other, if you know what I mean.”

The last comment makes Barb choke on her tea. “Ava, could you not be so specific about this? We’re in a school!” she scolds her.

“Whatever! It’s past time for her to know that Y/n likes her too. Even Janine and Gregory acted better than that!”

Everything around Melissa seemed to have gone silent. So was it true, the feelings were also reciprocal. A lot of questions surrounded her mind, why didn't you say anything? Why did you decide to pretend you weren't in love with her? Were you afraid of not being reciprocated?

“Why is she avoiding me then?” the redhead asks out loud, “that’s making me lose my mind. I just miss her.”

“Because of the t-shirt she lend ya. Mainly ‘cause of the last word printed on it.” That's all Ava says at that moment.

“A milf?” Melissa questions, still confused trying to think of putting the pieces together. “What does that mean? Is it something bad?”

“I was going to suggest you to google the meaning, but since you look like you're about to have a heart attack, I will tell ya,” she laughs and the redhead rolls her eyes, showing Ava her middle finger, “but don't be scared, it's a good thing, actually.”

“Alright..” the green-eyed woman whispers, still afraid of the answer, “so what does this whole milf thing means?”

“Mother I'd Like To Fuck. It also means that an older woman is super attractive.”

Melissa was left open-mouthed, her eyes blinking trying to process the explanation. So that was the damn meaning, well, she had to admit that was hot. “Wait... so Y/n..” she starts but there is a pause.

“Is in love with you and was scared when she saw ya wearing that t-shirt looking extremely hot, and preferred to stay away in case you found out what she felt.” Ava reveals it like it's the most obvious thing in the world, “What are you waiting for? Go find your girl, Schemmenti.”

—

Time passed slowly to Melissa's disgust and despair, making the poor woman sigh feeling defeated. As each second passed, she glanced quickly at the clock on her classroom wall, waiting for the afternoon to end.

After her students left, and the school day was finally over. She drove to your house — without caring about traffic regulations and rules — nothing else really mattered, she just needed to see you.

Sitting on the floor, while assembling a Lego set that simulated a beautiful bouquet of flowers — a gift you received from Janine and Gregory days ago, a lovely attempt by the couple to cheer you up — the sound of the doorbell ringing caught your attention. Making you stop your movements.

You furrowed your eyebrow in confusion, who could it be? Most of your friends were at different appointments at that time. So it certainly wasn't one of them.

“I'm almost coming! I just hope you’re not a stupid lunatic or some other ,” you grumbled, standing up as the sounds of the doorbell seemed more desperate with each passing second.

You opened the door and found Melissa standing there with her arms crossed, shivering slightly from the storm. “Hon, it’s so good to see you again.” She murmurs with a weak smile. Without caring if her voice sounds too desperate.

“Mel, what are you doing here? You might catch a damn cold like that.” You scolded her, pulling her into the house and locking the door again.

“I don’t care about that, I needed to see you. Actually we have to talk.” She responds taking off the black leather jacket that covered her body and hanging it where you kept your coats.

“We have to?” There is a little hesitation in the tone of your voice, all that courage and confidence have disappeared from your body. Insecurity taking over.

“Yeah, hon. We do.” She replied, noticing your nervousness, Melissa tries to comfort you, placing her hand on your shoulder and stroking it lovingly, showing that everything was fine. You smile for the first time in days in the presence of your beloved redhead.

She takes you to the small white sofa that was in the middle of the living room. “I know you were avoiding me because of that shirt. And I know you're in love with me.”

“What? Fuck, how did you figure all this out?” you whisper in panic, covering your face with your hands. Feeling vulnerable at the mercy of the red-haired figure sitting next to you.

A silence fell in the room, making you feel even more embarrassed.

“Ava told me those things earlier today. Hon, why didn't you tell me anything? That would have made everything so much easier.”

“What do you mean by making things easier? I don't understand.”

“I'm love with you too, idiot. I just didn't say before ‘cause I was insecure as fuck. But now, I know exactly what I want: you. No one else, just you.” She confessed with a smile on her face.

Automatically your body falls even more on the couch and you feel slightly dizzy. Closing your eyes slowly, trying to regain consciousness. “Sorry, I'm a bit nervous,” you respond. “It's too much to process. Jesus Christ.”

“Don’t be nervous, it’s me. Just me,” Melissa pulls you into her lap sighing as she smells your lavender scent again. “I'm sorry if I acted like a bitch the last few days. It was not necessary.”

“It was never your fault, I was the real bitch. You didn’t deserve to go through this just because of an irresponsible attitude of mine,” you say, resting your foreheads together.

“I think it's fair to say that we overreacted a bit,” the older woman smiles with her eyes closed. Feeling a slight courage run through her body, she asks you something. “Sweetheart?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you?” Melissa asks biting her lip and slowly approaching, “I wanna do this since New Year's Eve.”

“Yes, please, Mel.” You beg wrapping your arms around her neck.

The moment her lips touched yours, it felt like you were in heaven. Melissa's lips were soft against yours. The kiss was calm and peaceful, both wanting to show all the love you felt for each other.

“You know, being considered a milf is an honor for me.” Melissa scoffs with a mischievous smile as you pull away from the kiss.

“Shut up.” You chuckle, cupping her cheeks.

“Make me,” the redhead teases, “please.”

[citruslullabies]

Heyyy! So, this request is kinda angsty. Hope you don't mind 😅 DogDay and reader are exploring the factory. They are faced with a particularly gruesome scenario. Reader freezes. She is terrified and steps back, shaking her head. Teary-eyed, she apologizes to DogDay and says that she is sorry for not being as brave as they thought, that they deserve someone better. Reader is having an anxiety (or panic?) attack since after all the trauma-inducing stuff that she's been through, this last scenario shattered the little confidence she had left. I guess that I'm asking for comfort with sprinkles of fluff on top. Please and thank you 🫶🏻

Are you guys like, allergic to happiness

Trigger warnings: blood, death, just overall uncomfy subjects

Romantic/platonic: unspecified

Requested by: anonymous

Category: heavy angst with a little bitty sprinkle of fairy dust fluff

Ship (romantic or platonic): Dogday x reader

Word count: 531

I'm Sorry

You were an influential guide to few, but still enough to make such a large impact. You were a shred of hope in a dark place for Poppy, Kissy Missy, and Dogday. So you had to be brave.

You and Dogday were wandering around, Dogday on your back as he still is lacking legs. You thought you had seen it all at this point but.. you were wrong. You wish you never opened that door, you should've taken the smell of blood as a clear sign not to.

You never thought you'd see old blood and bones with rotting meat that the insects were trying to eat before the mini critters could, you felt your stomach become nauseated at the sight of worms and maggots chewing away and eroding bones of children and adults alike. Your eyes were wide as you took in the sight, you had seen the video but you never thought you'd see the remains of some of the victims. “Oh god.. I think I'm gonna..”

You didn't even get to finish your sentence before your body started forcing you to dry heave, trying to force you to vomit with nothing in your stomach to relieve bodily stress as tears pricked your eyes.

Dogday had seen it all before, but it still disturbed him. His attention was quickly drawn to you, clinging just a bit tighter onto you. “Angel? Angel are you-” He let out a little yelp as you suddenly kneeled over, vomiting into the corner and almost making him slide off your back. He was surprised but quickly rubbed your back and held your hair back.

“Angel!? Angel, it'll be alright.” He said, trying to soothe you. He wasn't expecting his angel to react in such a way, yes it was disgusting with the sight of rotting human flesh that was practically meat pudding at this point and insects and little monsters fighting over who got to eat it first, but he hadn't expected you to throw up and force yourself into a frenzy.

You picked yourself back up and walked outside, feeling nauseated even after puking up stomach acid. You started to break down crying as you leaned your head back to press against Dogday’s, not seeing him grimace at the new edition of your throw up and tears being added to his blood and dirt matted fur. “I.. I'm sorry! I'm sorry I.. I couldn't handle it! I'm so sorry!” You said, practically wailing against him as it all finally came crashing down. Dogday was shocked but.. he didn't let that get in the way of his love and care for you. He carefully kept one hand on your shoulder to hold on, and the other hand on your cheek as he pulled you closer.

“Shh.. shh.. angel, it's alright..” he tried to reassure despite your sobbing and denying, he knew that you were strong. You were so brave and he was proud of you, but he didn't know how to put it into words. He knew you'd eventually reach your snapping point; as much as he believed so, you weren't perfect. “Angel.. let's take a break, shall we?”

Even angels had their flaws.

Thank you for requesting!

[mizuseyebrows]

even if you become a true oni or onryō —mizu x reader

warnings: not proofread. fluff. she/her pronouns for mizu. slight angst. insecurities.

includes: sweet and compasionate reader. 'weak' and vulnerable mizu. word count: 3.6k

summary: mizu has an anxiety attack after a mishap, but you're there for her

a/n: this is a sequel to this

You didn't understand what’s wrong. Only for a few minutes the two of you were separated and when you returned to Mizu's side, a whole gloomy and cold aura covered her. You could also see in her eyes that she was trying to hide something from herself. Anything happened? Did she have to face a battle? You didn't believe it, there were no traces of blood or sweat on her. What could be going on?

Now you found yourself with your head lying on her lap, staring at her face. You were trying to figure out what was underneath Mizu's stoic mask at that moment.

"I know what you see. Cut it." It sounded almost like an order as she growled, her gaze remaining staring straight ahead, as if she were studying the forest.

"And what do I see?" You asked in a soft voice, almost speaking softly.

"A half blood, half breed. Like a demon." She rolled her eyes as she spoke, making a disgusted expression with her mouth. "Not even a human, something worse."

"Is there anything worse than being a human?" You looked at her with surprise and curiosity.

"There is, being me." She spoke, but you could tell there was a hint of bitterness in her tone of voice. Then, she made a self-deprecating gesture. "Being something less than human, something no one can understand, something no one wants."

"Why are you saying something so ugly, Mizu? Do you really believe everything you're saying?” You knitted your eyebrows together to express concern.

"Why wouldn't I?" She scoffed, waving her hand dismissively. "They all called me a demon. Do you have any idea how it felt growing up? The way I was treated? People thought I was a freak, an abomination. Even my own mother... I could never live up to their standards, because I wasn't full blooded human.” Her voice is sharp and bitter, the usual edge that makes up her personality has sharpened into more than just annoyance. "They tried to kill me for being a girl. I have to pretend to be hideous man. And on top of all that, I am half blood. People have every reason to hate me, and I'll be a fool for not hating myself as well."

» "You want to know what the worst part is?" She spat, her hands curling into fists slowly as the words were practically dragged out of her. "People like you. People who seem to be so good, yet they still can't see behind my veil. You could easily hate me, despise me. I don't deserve to be happy."

» "I don't know why you're so nice to me... You're making me feel more human than I deserve to feel. It gives me a slight glimmer of hope that maybe I'm not a monster, but deep down, I know it's all a lie. I know that people will never accept me for who I am." She looked away; her fists clenched so tightly that they'd gone pale. "I don't deserve anything nice, and I don't deserve you. It's only a matter of time before you realize what a terrible, horrible, awful person I am."

» "I'm afraid one day, you'll come to dislike me. You'll call me a freak just like everyone else has my entire life..." her voice trailed off, and she let out a deep breath. "When that day comes... When you finally look at me as the monster I am... I won't blame you. It's what I deserve... but it would still hurt. So much." Despite her words, there wasn't a sign of emotion on her face, not even the slightest hint of sadness. "Just like a monster would, I'll get over it."

» "But I don't want to." She muttered, her breath catching in her throat. The coldness in her tone had melted, the usually stony expression replaced by a sad look. "I don't want to be treated like a monster. I don't want to be hated. The tears hadn't started rolling down her cheeks yet, but she was on the verge of crying. "No matter how much I hate myself, I don't want that. Even if I'm a monster, all I've ever wanted was to be loved..."

» "And I hate myself for that." She was trembling just a little bit, and tears were threatening to fall, but hadn't yet. "Every single day, I hate myself for still wanting to be loved and cared for, for even having any sort of desire. Because that's not how—I've got to be strong; I have to be... I have to be tough; I can't have a moment of weakness..."

Listening to Mizu's verbal display had you in mental limbo. You heard every word, every growl, every broken voice. You saw every frown, every snap of teeth, every grimace. But you couldn't process all that information. Your heart broke as she continued to express and degrade herself like that. You couldn't believe everything you heard.

You didn't even notice that you were crying, your face was completely soaked. It wasn't until Mizu stopped talking that she seemed to come back to reality. What could you say to all that? Where to start?

You shook your head, to fully alert yourself and to deny what she was saying about herself. "M-Mizu, there's nothing wrong with having a m-moment of weakness."

"There is when you're a monster..." she whispered. "Monsters don't feel pain... Monsters don't get weak... they can't. A-And besides, I'm not weak." She said, her voice coming out stronger than it had in quite a while. "I'm strong, much stronger than you could ever imagine."

You nodded several times, wanting to reassure what she was saying but you were interrupted by Mizu.

"I'm not weak." She repeated softly, the words echoing in the still atmosphere of the room. "I'm not weak, I'm not." She breathed in again, the strength and confidence she usually had was returning. "You think I'm some sad, pathetic creature that needs to be pities and cared for? Well, you're wrong."

"Mizu!" You got up from her lap and stood in front of her to grab her face and stop her. "Please stop destroying yourself like that. Just because you're half white doesn't mean you're any less human. You're not pathetic for having weaknesses and expecting affection. Please stop talking like that, you're hurting me."

She didn't respond, just froze when your touch was placed on her cheek. Her hands started trembling, and her breath seemed to get shakier with every passing comment you made. Still, she just stood there, barely managing to keep her expression relatively neutral as tears welled in her eyes.

She didn't say anything, there was no use in arguing with you. In her head, she called herself all those terrible things, but hearing you say she was wrong... It broke the last remaining sense of confidence and determination she had to keep herself upright, and she started sobbing.

"I'm so tired." Her quiet, shaky voice sounded on the verge of breaking as she choked back some more sobs. Her eyes were red as tears escaped and trickled down her face.

The cold, stony girl who always seemed confident and in control was now standing there, broken and defenseless. Her defenses cracked and fell, shattering to pieces as the emotional wall that she hid behind gave way to the flood of sadness that rushed in.

"I can't do this... I can't." She whispered, her voice starting to crack with the volume of her crying. "All I've ever wanted was to be loved... But no one would ever love me... If they...” She sniffled, trying her hardest not to cry again. "I'm tired of... being seen as some kind of freak... being thought of as a monster. I know no one would love me... I know that all too well."

When she looked up at you, the cold, sharp glint was gone. Replaced with a sad, pleading look that spoke of only one thing. "Just once... I want to be loved. Once... is that too much to ask for...?"

"I can love you, if you allow me. I want to be there for you in every moment. I want to hug you when you feel overwhelmed, I want to kiss your eyes, your lips, your tears... I know that you have been hurt all your life but, please let me show you that you deserve everything you want and expect."

She was so utterly stunned that she couldn't say a single thing... her mouth slightly agape, her eyes wide with disbelief as she processed your words. When she realized that you had been genuine... she broke down again.

The tears fell, and this time, she didn't do anything to stop them. She wrapped her arms around you, burying her head into your chest. "Please..." she asked quietly. "Love me... please show that you still love me even though I'm a monster..."

"You are not a monster, Mizu. You are not a demon or a freak or an abomination. You are an amazing person; you are an incredible woman. Let me help you change your perception of yourself." You stroked her hair lovingly and planted a kiss on the top of her head.

"B-But...” she mumbled, clinging to your torso. "Everything about me screams inhuman. Everything..."

She hung onto you tightly, almost as if she was afraid that if she let go, the harsh reality set in once more, and she would be sent back to the terrible realization that she was, indeed, a monster.

"What if I'm too much for you to handle?" She asked, the same small, fearful voice she used earlier coming back. "What if my problems are too big for you to deal with? You'll grow tired of me..."

"That won't happen, I already know your stubborn, obstinate, and headstrong persona." You laughed softly and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "I'll be able to handle this, I won't leave you alone at any time."

» "I'll help the pain go away." You cupped her face and gave her a soft kiss on the lips. "You know that I heal your physical wounds, right? That I always clean them, sew them and take care of them so that they don't get infected. Well, now I will help you heal the internal wounds, those that no one sees but that are the ones that hurt the most. But I will need you to let me do it, I won't be able to do it alone, we both have to work together, okay?"

"S-So you're going to help cure my internal wounds too?" She asked softly as tears threatened to come again. "And you swear you won't ever leave me... and you won't ever leave me and hate me... like everybody else?"

"How could I hate you if you have such a pretty face... What you hate the most about yourself is what I love the most. Your eyes are beautiful, Mizu." You leaned down to kiss her lips again, lovingly and a little slowly.

She was so taken off guard by the sudden action that she didn't react for a moment. But, by the second kiss, she was returning the gesture, her soft lips pressed against yours for a few seconds before she pulled slightly away to speak.

"You love my eyes?" She asked softly, with a hint of surprise in her voice. "Why?"

"What do you mean 'why'? It makes you unique, it adds exoticism to your face. Plus, it's the color of the sea and I love the sea." You gave her another short kiss and smiled at her. "And, I could swear your eyes shine. There's something about them that just makes them glow."

"People think that my eyes are demonic... a sign of my mixed heritage..." She murmured, a frown forming on her lips as she mentioned that word.

"No, don't think that your eyes are demonic. They are beautiful, they look like crystalline snowflakes." You kissed her lovingly again, taking a little longer and caressing her cheeks.

You could have stayed like that all day, letting your kiss never end... The feeling of her lips was like a drug, one you could get addicted to so easily...

Finally, after a few seconds, she pulled her face away from yours. She murmured your name softly, a blush slowly spreading across her face.

"Tell me..." You whispered against her lips and rubbed your nose with hers.

"Can we... do it again?" She asked softly. "That kiss..." Her eyes glanced to the side; her cheeks tinted with embarrassment as she struggled to find the right words. "Could we... please... do it again?"

"Of course we can." You nodded gently and gave her another slow, loving kiss, wanting you both to savor the moment.

She sighed softly and took in the feeling, the sensation of your lips pressed against hers. She could feel everything, the tenderness and love that was hidden behind the kiss, she could feel it all. This was everything she had always wanted but never had... Everything she had been denied by the world and fate... Every affection she felt like she so desperately needed. This was what she wanted. All she had ever wanted. To be loved.

After a few moments, you broke the kiss and looked into her eyes with a smile. You caressed her cheeks in circles and sighed softly. "You'll let me love you, right?"

She nodded, her cheeks flushing again. "Yes, I... I would love that, actually..." She murmured. She could practically feel her heart beating out of her chest, but as she looked into your loving eyes, she felt a little bit better. "Why... do you love me...? Why do you want me...? Do you not think I'm too dangerous? Too violent? Too much of a monster?" She muttered softly, her voice coming out hushed.

"Shh... None of that. You are very dangerous and violent but...I have to admit that that attracts me. You have a lot of passion inside you, but you are directing it towards your revenge and that is what makes you dangerous. Although, your passion is what attracts me the most."

She was stunned. Hearing those words, how her worst traits were what attracted you to her... made her feel odd. To know that her rage and hatred were somehow endearing and appealing to someone... it felt like she had been seeing a distorted reflection of herself all this time and finally saw the true her.

"Those... These are not good traits..." she murmured, then let out another small laugh. "I-Is that really what attracts you to me?"

"It makes you... an adventure, there is a lot of adrenaline. I know they are not good traits but that's who you are and I must accept you, although I will help you guide your passion to better goals. I promise."

"Thank you... I have to admit, I never thought anyone would ever find those traits of mine appealing." She murmured, a soft smile forming on her lips as her eyes started getting teary again. It was almost funny; how much she had hated herself for these very traits you were now praising and considering attractive.

"Maybe I'm the freak one." You laughed happily and stole another kiss from her. "Maybe I'm a little insane, but I love seeing you being dangerous—"

She leaned into the kiss almost immediately, eager to stop you from saying too much more. She knew exactly what you had meant, but there were just some things that she wasn't ready to acknowledge yet. She had thought that she would never find someone who would love her despite all her flaws, and here you were, finding even her most deplorable traits appealing.

"You love... that about me... don't you?" She murmured, just for a quick confirmation before she threw herself back into the kiss.

"I love almost everything about you." You responded to her between kisses, each time doing it with more intensity.

"H-Almost?" She asked meekly, but once again, her question was interrupted by a kiss. She was practically swimming in the sea of bliss that those tender lips were giving her, not even thinking or considering what she said as her mind got flooded with love and passion.

"There are still things I need to know about you, so I can't say I love everything about you." You whispered against her lips, tightening your grip on her face.

"Oh..." She muttered, her lips parting slightly as she took in a breath. "Will you still love me when you know every last little thing about me?" She murmured softly, her expression tinged with worry and a hint of hesitation.

"I will still love you even if you become a true oni or onryō." You sighed softly and looked into her eyes. "I'll be the mortal of those legends who tries to change the demon or the mortal that fell in love with the demon despite its nature."

The words you had just spoken made her feel warm inside. She had never expected such reassurance, such assurance from anyone. She was speechless, not knowing how to reply to your words otherwise. In the end, she let herself go back into another long, passionate kiss instead.

And you kissed her back with the same passion and clinged a little to her, caressing her scalp lovingly. But then you felt Mizu hug your neck longingly, which made you have to lower your hands to her lower back to bring her closer to you.

However, Mizu broke away from the kiss suddenly and looked away. You could see her doubt in her eyes, the uncertainty she felt at your words. You lovingly caressed her back and gave her a kiss on the cheek to get her attention.

"We'll take this slow, okay? I know that right now everything I told you won't erase what has tormented you your whole life, but we'll go slow, okay? At your own pace, if you feel like it's too much at some point, you can say so. If you want to do something different, we can do it. Is that okay?"

"I-It's okay..." she mumbled softly, her mind still trying to process everything you had said. "I just... I just don't know where to start..." She murmured, as tears started running down her cheeks again.

"Me neither, but let's let this flow, okay? Let's not rush anything, we'll just let everything go at the pace it should go." You caressed her cheeks and wiped away her tears.

"Thank you..." she whispered softly, her breathing starting to slow down again. She had never taken things slowly before, she had always been impulsive, always rushed to the next part without taking a moment to stop and think. "But... it's kind of hard to take it slow when you kiss me and do things like that so passionately..." She mumbled, her face getting red again.

"That's my mistake. If you want, I can stop doing it to go slower." You laughed softly, blushing too.

"Can we... keep on doing it... but just a little slower... a little less... intense..." She murmured softly, her eyelids slowly closing as she tried to think of the right words.

"We can do that. I like to kiss you slow and loving." You nodded several times, still smiling.

"Can we... um..." she muttered, not knowing how to ask for what she wanted. "Can we just... sit in silence for a while... while you hold me close and... just stroke my hair and stuff...?" She murmured, her face getting even more red when she realized just how needy and clingy she sounded.

You felt something inside you explode and stir at how cute Mizu had sounded. You couldn't help but bite your lower lip in excitement and nodded several times. "Of course, of course, of course." You sat behind her and made her lean against your chest to stroke her hair the way she wanted.

She gasped softly as she felt your arms wrap around her and pull her back against your chest. For a few moments, all she could do was enjoy the feeling of your gentle touch and the calm, steady rhythm of your heartbeat. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, relaxing as she felt your fingers move through her hair, as if she was some small, helpless animal being comforted by their parent.

The feeling was incredible and she savored every moment of it, letting out a soft, contented sigh as you kept stroking her hair.

"Thank you..." she murmured, her body leaning even further into you as she breathed a little slower. She felt so safe in your arms, so warm.

"You have nothing to thank." You whispered to her and kissed her temple, tightening your arms around her.

The kiss on her temple caught her by surprise and she gave a soft gasp, her eyes widening slightly, but she didn't care and simply leaned back against you even more. The sensation of your arms around her was indescribably comforting, something she didn't think she would ever experience but now all she wanted was to stay like that forever, to stay sheltered and protected and loved.

She let out a soft whimper, your kiss once again sending a shiver down her spine as she felt your tight embrace. She pressed herself even further against you, almost as if she wanted to bury herself in your arms, to melt into your embrace and become part of you. She didn't want to let go of your embrace, not yet, not any time soon, not until she had completely accepted the warmth and the affection that you were now showing her.

[criticallyacclaimedstranger]

All The Fear and The Fire of The End of The World [Joel Miller x artist!reader]

Read on Ao3

Sequel to The Artist and the Builder

Fandom: The Last of Us

Ship: Joel Miller x you/artist!reader who is his age and has arthritis and allergies (although that's not really addressed in this one)

Tags/warnings: ANGST, bit of h/c, Panic attacks, reader is sick, Joel has anxiety. That's about it, but please stay safe is panic attacks is something that triggers you <3

Summary: Joel has told Ellie about what happened in Salt Lake City, and she is livid with him. Seeking comfort with you, Joel however finds you in the grips of a nasty flu, and has to put his own needs aside to nurse you.

Words: 3,799

A/N: Title is from Hozier's Wasteland, Baby! Couldn't resist: All the fear and the fire of the end of the world, happens each time a boy falls in love with a girl...

Thank you to @pazizz for having a read before it was finished!

Joel hasn't had an attack like this in a long time - not since he and Ellie settled in Jackson - but now, it's bad.

His heart is being squeezed like a stress ball, his lungs are not taking in fresh air, his throat is constricted. Panic floods his brain as he clutches at his collar. He can't breathe, can't think, can't -

Ellie's screamed words echo in the fiber of his being.

How could you? I hate you! Don't talk to me ever again!

He had finally told her the truth about what had happened at the hospital, why she didn't get to save the world. And Ellie shut him out.

You took my decision away from me!

How could she even consider dying for a cure that wasn't guaranteed? How could she not see that she was the light of his entire life?

How could he not tell her the truth from the start?

Joel stumbles onto one knee, the guilt taking his legs from under him. He fights to breathe, his right fist closes, and he bangs it into the floor. Again. Again. Pain reverberates through his hand and arm, and that jerks him out of his mental anguish.

He punches the floor until the skin of his knuckles break, and he can breathe normally again. Greedily gulping down air in a way that sounds like sobbing - but he is not fucking crying - Joel slowly gets back onto his feet. His knuckles are aching, his arm feels battered, but he grabs his coat, and heads out. Hurrying through the snowy streets of Jackson, he barely notices anyone passing by. He's in a hurry, hurting hand hidden in his jacket pocket, internal compass pointing to your house.

He needs comfort, your soothing hands. He needs to know that he did what he could.

Even if it was you who pushed him into telling Ellie, he knows you were right to encourage him to do it. And he needs you now that Ellie has denounced him. You won't judge him for waiting so long.

He walks into your house without knocking. His throat feels almost constricted when he enters the living-room, expecting to find you in front of the fireplace, immersed in one of your projects. But you're not there, and the fire is nothing but a heap of embers. Frowning, Joel calls your name again. It's not like you to leave the fire unattended or leave on the lights. He walks over to the bedroom door and pushes it open.

There's a pile of blankets on the bed. When his eyes get used to the twilight in the room, he sees that there's a body underneath the layers of covers.

He speaks your name, and the pile of blankets moves. For a second his heart seizes, and panic rises within him. Not you too, he can't stand it!

Then you croak his name, and he knows what's up.

You're so cold. You've never been this cold in your life, and no amount of blankets is helping. Good God, how is it even possible to be so cold, to shake so hard? Your muscles are aching with how much you're shaking, and you can't do anything about it.

You hear Joel's voice close to you, and you will your eyes open, even if using your vision is making your headache worse.

Joel's face swims somewhere above you. Through the brain fog, you hear him ask you how you are.

"Just a slight temperature," you mumble, then feel Joel's callused hand on your forehead.

"You're burning up."

He takes off his jacket, and gets in bed with you, digging himself underneath the blankets until he's right next to you. Fitting his form to yours, he wraps his arm around you to bring you in even closer.

"You're shaking!"

"Jus' need a nap..."

"You need a lot more than that, darlin'."

You mumble something as your eyes fall shut. His body heat has already started to spill onto you, and slowly, you stop shaking, and start relaxing.

"How long have you been like this?" His voice is soft, his breath so warm against your skin. You want to crawl into his voice, melt into the rich, deep syllables, dissolve from this aching body.

"Had to leave the clinic around midday," you slur. Speaking seems difficult. Your throat is sore, your head feels like it's about to explode.

"Are there any meds?"

"No."

"Then it's rest and liquids for you."

You're already drifting off, secure in his arms. Joel feels you relax and become heavy, your audible breathing slowing down. Gently, he strokes a couple of stray hairs from your face, tucking them behind your ear, and notes that your hairline is damp with sweat. When he's certain that you're not waking up, he carefully disentangles himself from you, and gets up from the bed.

His own heartache is forgotten when he rummages through the cupboards of your kitchen, finding your teas made from dried herbs and flowers. He gathers towels, finds a bucket for water, gathers whatever he can find that will help him take care of you. He returns to the bedroom to check on you before leaving your house to get something to eat from the dining-hall, and see Jackson's doctor.

The doc has, naturally, nothing to prescribe except bedrest and liquid, which Joel had already figured out. What little drugs there are, must be saved for the truly sick. He's luckier at the dining-hall: he gets a big portion of chicken broth from one of the women working there.

"This will cure anything," she promises, and Joel thanks her gruffly. He hurries home to you, finding you exactly where he left you.

You sleep for hours. Focusing his attention on you, wiping your forehead whenever it gets too shiny, listening to your wheezing breaths, Joel forgets about the pressure over his own chest. He can't forget about Ellie, her anger, her words, but he doesn't succumb to anxiety over what happened.

When you wake up, the things Ellie said are pushed to the back of his brain.

You're like a cat waking up from anesthesia: unable to walk but hell-bent on doing it.

"Need the toilet," you mumble, and Joel supports you to the bathroom. You're freezing once you slump down on the toilet seat, and he turns around to give you some privacy.

"Go away," you moan, bent over with you aching head in your hands.

"I've seen women piss before, so do what you have to so that I can help you back to bed," he retorts, and you scoff weakly before releasing a stream of urine that seems searing hot. You manage to wipe yourself and wash your hands before you have to lean on Joel again.

"We need to get you out of these sweaty clothes," he tells you, but you're loath to get undressed.

"It's so cold," you whine, but you're in no position to fight him on it.

He puts his own flannel on you before taking you back to bed, where he coaxes two spoonfuls of broth into you, and almost half a cup of tea, until you shake your head. He gives up, and lets you curl up to sleep. The winter darkness is falling but he turns on the bedside lamp so that he can see your face, its lines stressed by the lamplight and sickness, your forehead shiny with fever, your lips separated as you snore. For a long time, he just watches you, like he's looking for an answer in your features.

Eventually, he turns off the light, rises from his chair, and leaves the bedroom to start a fire in the living-room fireplace.

Your temperature is up the next day so Joel brings the doc, who can't do anything except encourage him to continue doing what he's been doing so far. You're mostly asleep, delirious when you're not, and still so, so cold. Joel does his best to get fluids in you, and a couple of spoonfuls of chicken soup, but it's hard when you're either limp in his arms or shaking.

By afternoon, he's exhausted. Tommy comes by to check on both him and you, and he brings food. Joel never even thought about eating himself.

Sitting on opposite sides of the kitchen table, Joel opens the lunch box and devours its contents.

"I saw Ellie earlier today. She seemed upset, what's up with her?" Tommy wants to know. Joel winces from the painful stab in his heart.

"Nothing's up with Ellie."

"Liar."

Joel looks up from the food at his brother. Tommy knows him too well.

"I told her. About what happened in Salt Lake City."

"That didn't go well."

"It didn't."

Joel looks down again and stuffs his mouth with the rest of the food. The conversation is over for his part, and Tommy knows better than to push it.

"She'll come round."

Joel grunts, and they both sit in silence for a while before Tommy rises.

"I gotta get back to work. Lemme know if you need anything."

Joel clears his throat. "If you see Ellie... tell her I'm not coming back to the house for a while. I don't want her to have to move out."

"Sure, bro."

Tommy pats Joel on the back as he passes him by, and when the front door closes, Joel follows to lock it. He then comes to the bedroom, kicks off his boots, and crawls into bed next to you. His fingers tremble slightly when he touches your forehead, still finding you burning hot. Carefully, not wanting to wake you, he fits himself to your body, puts his head down, and watches you through the grey winter light.

Caring for you has kept him busy enough to not dwell too much on what happened with Ellie, but now his brain is buzzing with her last words to him, her rage and disappointment, his failure. He owes Ellie so much, and he failed her.

His unavailable heart has been locked inside his closed chest for so long, until Ellie cracked it open. Ellie, with her courage, innocence, those stupid puns that she loves so much, and that Joel can’t help smiling at. How could he have surrendered her to the Fireflies? His relationship with Ellie had developed from duty to decency before finally unfolding into love. He has already known the worst pain in his life, and he wasn’t going to live through that again. He simply could not give Ellie up.

And now he has lost her anyway, and he might lose you too.

"You get well," he whispers, assured that you can't hear his dramatic, pathetic plea, even when it's directed at you. "My heart can't take it if you don't make it, you hear me? Don't you dare die on me."

You offer him no sign of having heard him. He swallows, his throat tight, and presses his eyes shut, praying that sleep will take his worries away.

Your violent coughing wakes him up. He blinks blearily in the dark room before he gets his bearings, his arm going around the body that is convulsing next to him. It's a wet cough, rattling in your lungs, and it's new. He sits up in bed, hands on you, like that's going to help. As if anything he does helps. He hates the feeling on not being able to help.

When your coughing subsides, you groan and mumble something.

"What's that, darlin'?"

"My head," you repeat, voice raspy and thin.

"Just lay still."

"Thirsty."

Joel promptly rolls out of bed and goes to get a fresh glass of water from the kitchen. When he sits by your side to help you drink it, he realizes that you're no longer shaking. You take little sips before slumping back against the pillow, your face ashen and your eyes matted, but when he feels your forehead, he can tell you no longer have a fever. That has to be a good sign, right?

“How are you feelin’?” he asks, knowing immediately that it is a stupid question. You open your mouth, but instead of words coming out, there is a bout of coughing. Joel grimaces sympathetically as he takes the glass from your hand to avoid you spilling on yourself.

“Been better,” you finally wheeze, reaching for the glass again as soon as the coughing subsides. He gets up to go refill it, and you drowsily look around the room.

“What day is it?”

“Tuesday,” he calls back from the kitchen.

You let that sink in. When Joel comes back in, he clearly sees your confusion.

“You’ve been out of it for a few days, yeah.”

“And you’ve been here the whole time?”

He hands you the refilled glass but averts his eyes when he replies.

“Someone had to look out for you.”

You drink more greedily now, the cold water lashing its way down your scratchy throat in a way that makes you feel more alert despite the discomfort. Joel takes your glass when you’re finished, puts it on the nightstand, and pulls the covers more snugly around you.

“I’m fine,” you tell him, somewhat amused at his fussing. “You should go home. Has Ellie even seen you since I got sick?”

He freezes, pain flashing across his face before his features turn to cold, hard stone. But you saw it, plain as day.

“Joel?”

He doesn’t answer, and your fear rises.

“Joel, is Ellie alright?”

“Yes.” The answer comes promptly, but the three letters contain a world of events and emotions that you, despite your current state, need to know more of.

“What happened?”

“We’ll talk about it later, darlin’. You need to rest.”

“We’ll talk about it now.” You stress the last word with a rise in volume and pitch, which brings about another bout of coughing. When you’re done, Joel gives you a disapproving glare.

“You’re not well.”

“Duh. Now tell me, or do I have to get out of this bed and go find Ellie myself?”

He sighs deeply, jaw squared as he stares out of the open bedroom door. You wait as he gathers himself.

“I told her. About Salt Lake City.”

“And she didn’t take it well?”

“No. She never wants to see me again. She hates me.”

“Joel…”

Joel can’t look at you. Not even his brother knows the whole story, but he has told you, one late night after the two of you had fucked and were sharing whispered secrets in each other’s arms. He couldn’t keep you in the dark, you’re too important. With all that he has lost in life, with all of his scars and traumas, he got to know Ellie, and he got to know you. When he least expected it, you came along, with your way of seeing the world, its light and its shadows, your body as aching as his but your mind nowhere near as broken. Your ribs bend open so easily for your heart to do what hearts do best. And that kept his chest from closing again now that Ellie hates him.

He’s so grateful for you. And so ashamed.

Tears burn in his eyes and when you sit up and put your hand on his shoulder, he draws a sobbing breath. Goddammit.

“It’s okay, Joel,” you rasp. “We’ll figure it out.”

He passes his hands over his face, wills his tears away, but the more he fights it, the more constricted his chest feels.

No, not now, not when he needs to stay strong for you!

“Joel?”

“Be right back,” he presses, standing up so quickly that the world spins for a second, and his first two steps are wobbly. He hears you speak his name again, but he hurries out to the kitchen, finding support from the sink, his head swimming, his heart beating so fast he thinks it’s going to explode but at the same time he can’t breathe, his throat is closed, he can’t breathe, he can’t breathe, Jesus fucking Christ he’s having a heart attack –

“Joel!”

Your hands are on him, turning him around. At the end of his tunnel vision is your haggard face, and through the roar in his ears – where did that come from and what is it? – he can hear your voice.

“Joel? Listen to my voice. Feel my touch. You’re okay, baby, you’re okay. I promise. You can breathe. Just take a deep breath, that’s it, just like that, and exhale. Good, go ahead, take another one. That’s great, Joel, just like that.”

Without even noticing, your hoarse voice has pushed through the panic and the pain and the noises, and he finds himself breathing deeply, consciously, his heart slowing down. He blinks a couple of times, and his eyesight is back to normal. You’re in front of him, nodding your encouragement. He wets his lips, wants to say something, but then his knees buckle under him, and before he knows it, both of you are on the floor, you from trying to help him, your still weak body no match for his weight.

You’re coughing, and he collects you in his arms, ignoring the smarting in his elbow. It keeps him sharp.

“You okay?” he asks you as soon as you’re done coughing. You nod against his chest, wheezing breath keeping you from speaking. He holds you closer when you shiver slightly, and when you embrace him back, he feels a lot better.

“What about you?”

“I’m good, darlin’, don’t worry about me.”

“That was a panic attack, Joel, and not a small one.”

He frowns, looks down at you.

“I have a heart problem.”

“Maybe so, but that wasn’t a heart attack. It was a panic attack.”

“How would you know?”

You roll your eyes at him, even though it hurts your head.

“I’m a nurse, Joel.”

He has to chuckle at your tone, but you’re not amused.

“I also had a sister who suffered panic attacks from a young age. It differs from person to person, but what I did to you worked on her. Seemed to work on you as well.”

“It… did. Thank you.”

“How long have you – “ you start, but he interrupts you, though not unkindly.

“Can we… not talk about it right now? I’m exhausted, and you need to rest.”

You agree, and with combined forces, the two of you manage to get off the floor and drag yourselves back to the bedroom. You collapse on the bed together and just barely find the energy to arrange yourselves comfortably before both of you are out.

You sleep uneasily, your cough waking you up constantly. Your head is still aching, and your throat is lined with needles when you swallow, not to mention how much your lungs hurt when you cough, but you’re hungry for the first time since you got sick.

You hear a light snore next to you, so you turn your head. Joel is deep asleep, turned away from you, sleeping on his good ear. Your hacking must have disturbed him because you’re quite sure that he was holding you when you went to sleep.

Slowly, gently, you place your hand between his shoulder blades. He’s warm, sweaty even, in his flannel and no doubt from his attack earlier. But he seems at ease now: his broad back is relaxed, his breaths are deep and even, and he doesn’t move when touched. Carefully, you scoot closer, a tickle in your throat threatening to grow into a cough, but you manage to keep it down. Your arm goes around his waist, and you mold yourself to his form, spooning him tightly, your hand finding a soft spot on his belly to rest against. His breath stutters and changes, but other than his hand clumsily finding yours, he doesn’t move.

He smells of old sweat, and you don’t feel too fresh yourself. The thought of taking a shower with him once he wakes up sets off a pull deep within your lower belly, and you smile as you feel your cheeks heat up. Even when struggling through the worst flu you’ve ever experienced, you can’t keep from fantasizing about the things this man can do with his hands, his mouth, his cock…

You take it he’s to stay with you now, which means that you have to tidy up the living-room, make room for him, but you find yourself not minding. You want him there, you want to go to sleep and wake up with him next to you, and once you get well you want to wake up with your hands all over each other, his mouth on your skin, his rare smiles over breakfast.

The thought of breakfast makes your stomach growl, and you feel a little faint. It’s definitely time to eat something. Gently, you move away from Joel, rousing him when your arm leaves his waist. He rolls over onto his back and rubs his eyes before looking at you.

“Hi,” you smile, patting his arm. “You sleep if you need to. I gotta eat.”

“What time is it?”

“No idea, but it’s still light outside.”

“I’ll fix us something.”

“It’s fine, I’m on it.”

You get out of bed, your legs a little weak but still carrying you, and go to the bathroom first. Joel’s heavy steps are heard making their way to the kitchen, and when you appear in the doorway, he’s already making tea and heating up broth.

“I’ll get something from the kitchens,” he tells you without looking up. “Better see my brother too, let him know we’re alive.”

You walk up to him, feeling a little bit like Bambi on the ice, but you make it, and you wrap your arms around him from behind, and rest your cheek to his back. Joel stops what he’s doing, muscles flexing before relaxing, and his hands come to rest on top of yours.

“You okay, sweetheart?”

“Uh-huh.”

He turns around until he’s facing you, and there is something soft in his eyes when he cups your cheeks with his big, warm hands and leans his forehead to yours. Both of you exhale audibly, then smile together. You lick your lips, clear your throat.

“Joel…”

“I love you.” His fingers make small, soothing circles behind your ears.

He beat you to it, the rascal.

“I love you, Joel. We’ll fix this. You’ll stay with me, and we’ll figure it out.”

“Thank you.”

He tilts his head a little, lips ghosting over yours. You draw back.

“I don’t want you to catch what I have.”

“I don’t care.”

He kisses you, and you let yourself melt into it, into the assurance that Joel Miller is yours, body and soul.

[mrshischier]

i love you, i’m sorry | SAR au

☆ cole and kirby are away for preseason, and y/n has an unexpected anxiety attack

☆ note -> im projecting, had an anxiety attack so i wrote about it. thought, hey i could use this for content, so i did. if you struggle with this, you’re not alone, you are seen, i love you all, we will get through it <3

☆ warning -> undiagnosed anxiety, lowkey angsty, comfort kinda ? be advised <3

never seeking proper care for her anxiety was the worst mistake y/n ever made. it came and went for a few months, and she believed it was a small issue that would eventually resolve itself. that was until she was sobbing and shaking uncontrollably in bed while cole, and kirby were away for one of their preseason games, and all she could do was hope and pray they would answer her calls.

the phone line rang continuously, each time the call went to voicemail she dialed one of their numbers again, desperate to reach them.

"please pick up, please."

y/n had never felt so hopeless in her life, no one was coming to her rescue this time as sobs racked through her body, screaming at the universe to give her just a minute with one of her boys.

the last call went to voicemail, causing y/n to break down and throw her phone across the room, letting it hit the floor, not caring if it had been broken. her body slumped over on the bed, shoving her face into the covers that still smelled like her boys, crying, and babbling about her unfair life.

"why is this happening to me? please just pick up the phone damn it!"

the anxiety attacks never had a cause, or reason, only rarely happening on a late night, when y/n was desperate for sleep. most of the time it was normal, a little bit of nerves when in crowds, or having to speak infront of a group of people, but this was entirely different. she felt like her life was falling apart, and she had no meaning to life. her heart was pounding, her head throbbing, her tears spilling out with no sign of stopping, she was hopeless.

that was until her phone rang, making her jump. and crawl off of the bed to find her discarded phone. it was lit up with cole's name, making her heart swell and more tears to run down her face. she quickly swiped to answer, putting the phone up to her ear.

"cole, baby, please talk to me."

her voice was hoarse, and every few seconds she would sniffle, causing her to wipe her nose with her sleeve, which just so happened to belong to one of kirby's hoodies.

y/n's anxiety wasn't news to the boys. she had casually told them about her issues with it when they first got together and they promised to always help her out when they could because they didn't want to see their girl struggling, but it was difficult, for obvious reasons.

cole understood immediately what she needed, putting her on speaker and setting his phone on the desk in their hotel room, signaling kirby to come closer and join.

"y/n, you're ok, you're safe, we love you. don't worry your pretty little head about anything ok? kirby and i are almost home, just a few more hours and we will be right there with you, i promise. there's nothing to be afraid of, your mind is playing tricks on you, trying to hold you back, ok? you tell those voices and your heart that you are stronger than that, and you won't let them control you any longer."

y/n continued to cry, listening to cole speak to her, trying to remember his instructions, letting herself envision she was there with them, and he was holding her through his speech. she could hear the boys whispering; their hushed conversation was cut short when kirby started to speak.

"baby, i know this is hard for you, i wish i could be there and help you through this like we always do, but i need you to be strong, ok? i need you to be our brave girl and fight this as hard as you can. we will stay right here on the phone with you as long as you need, ok? we love you, i love you."

y/n started to nod, telling herself to calm down and breath, it would all be over soon, all she needed was to talk to the boys a little longer and eventually she would forget anything was ever wrong.

she got back on the bed and laid down, pulling the covers over her body, closing her eyes and listening to the boys on the phone before she spoke to them.

"i would like it if you stayed on the phone until i fall asleep. im going to try again, just keeping talking to me or each other and i'll get over it soon. i love you, i’m sorry."

[illegal-heartbreaker]

“You don’t get it” {l. weems}

summary: One where reader is larissa girlfriend and larissa it to busy and reader and larissa get into a fight and larissa says something that hurts reader and reader leaves larissa office and reader locks her self into the bathroom and starts have a panic attack and larissa comes to having starts freaking out because reader has lock the door and she ends up getting in though spear key and helps her girlfriend and reader end up failing asleep on larissa lap please

relationship: larissa weems x reader

extra/warnings: fighting, legal age gap (27-44) and anxiety attack

this isn't the same as you requested but very similar.

____________________________________________

You had entered the school through the front entrance bringing attention to you from the students. It wasn't unusual because you worked with most of them being a tutor for many, but also being their Principals girlfriend.

"Ms Y/L/N! Are you here to see Principal Weems?" Enid asks bouncing over to you with Wednesday not far behind her.

"Yes, I am. Could you lead me to her office?" You smile at the young girl, loving her positive energy. You knew where your loves room was but you had been told that Enid thought of you as a sister figure and that was something you wanted to cherish.

"Of course, follow me!" She says, linking arms with you and Wednesday who reluctantly allows her to do so.

“Ms Y/L/N, Does Principal Weems spend much time with you?” Enid’s counterpart asks, spinning your head to her with wide eyes.

“No not really. There’s times when she does but she’s always focused on the school.” You couldn’t help but sigh, your girlfriend like the school more than you and it was so obvious that even the students have started to notice.

"So leave her then?"

"Wednesday!" Enid exclaims in shock nudging her friend, you laugh. "Thats kind of why I've come here, dear." You say before wishing them a fair well and slipping into the office of your girlfriends. Meeting her eyes you bite your lip, you knew you needed to do this.

"Riss, we need to talk.." You walk to her, whose eyes were already back on her paperwork.

"Darling? Whats wrong?" She asks still not looking up, closing your eyes allowing tears to roll down your cheeks.

"I've had enough of this relationship, I'm finished." Her eyes snapped up to yours as soon as you said that. "You cannot be serious!" She yells, standing up and looking down at you.

"Whats the point of it, if all you care about is your work?" You match her tone, taking a step a way from her figure.

"My life does not revolve around you y/n. I've given you so much, set time each day just for you, what else do you want?"

"Time that you always cancel?" You laugh bitterly, "Your students have noticed Larissa! I was asked why I don't break up with you just earlier! So if that isn't saying something then I do not know what is." You spin around and start to make your way to the door.

"I should have never gotten with you, god, it was a mistake." she said just loud enough for you to hear. That was your breaking point, almost running you make your way down the halls of the school. Tears streaming down your face, your breathing harsh; making it feel like you were drowning.

The quad only contained a few students now, but those students were the same that had greeted you earlier. Not that it mattered, as reaching the car you locked yourself in, letting your emotions take over your body.

Your throat closing up, sight becoming blurred and everything becoming dizzy, you hadn't noticed the group of teenagers trying to open the car. "MISS Y/L/N!" voices yelled, you were able to make them out but everything ached and in this state you could barely move, let alone open the car.

Two figures were now darting across the courtyard moving towards the car, The botanic teacher to collect the students and the other trying to get to you. "Y/N, I need you to open the car now." a familiar voice called, only making you cry harder. Your Larissa..

"Y/N! You are in danger, open the door or i'll force it open." Spinning your head in the direction you are able to see Larissa trying to open the door.

Hesitantly you unlock the door, now able to get to you she sits down in the back with you. Pulling your body closer and playing with your hair softly. Apologies and comforting words spilling out of her mouth non-stop.

The air from the aircon hitting your face, along with the slow rubbing on your back sending you into a soothing sleep. Larissa resting her head on yours, regretting everything that had just happened.

[sturnzyolo]

Shadows

Matt sturniolo x fem reader

warnings: fluff, swearing, a little eerie scenery, crying, stress, nerdy matt, comfort, anxiety, and slight obsession (anything else will be added in later parts)

slight summary/teaser: reader feels a significant connection to a particular classmate of hers, her teachers favorite student. one day, when on her way home, she hears something.

⚠️ my first ever fic so don't hate if it's absolute shit although I take honors english + I will NOT be writing any smut, (sorry u horndoggaroonies) bc I believe my digital footprint is terrible as is, so. let's not add onto it!

BACKSTORY

----------------------------------------------------------

Y/N POV

Usually, school was like a repeated cycle for me. Every day, the periods were just like a rotation. I didn't find many events that made the week very different from the last, or the next.

Each morning, I had the same first period for the last whole 2 semesters of my senior year. It was Mr. Robinson's calculus class, trust me, I'd rather have taken any other class than this, but since I was lazy and had requested my courses much later than most. I was stuck in this class, and usually I would be a lot more 'nonchalant' with the classes I took, so long as I could keep up, but this was different. I expected senior year to be a breeze, but of course, it wasn't like the movies.

I've had anxiety since I was about 11 years old. I grew to acknowledge the root of each attack quite easily. since math was one of my worst subjects, I stressed to overachieve, which led to more and more anxiety.

this didn't help that Mr. Robinson was a complete asshole to almost everyone. Except one, his name was Matthew Sturniolo, I only really knew him beforehand since he's a triplet, which is uncommon, of course. He seemed shy, but honestly, I found myself growing annoyed by the fact that Mr. Robinson favored Matthew so heavily.

Matt was barely even in class. He never really came to school in the mornings, I picked up on that early on. I never understood why Mr. Robinson was so hard on everyone else except for Matt, I never understood what he had that was so special about him. He barely answered. He didn't talk to anyone but his brother's, and he was never really there.

Honestly, I spent those class hours wondering what Matt had that nobody else did. It made me more and more intrigued with Matt, I was so interested in why he was so important to my teacher.

On the other hand, I guess I blended in with everyone, I was quite normal because I'd rather fit in than stand out. Matt didn't even stand out either. He seemed to be more in the shadows, but to my teacher, Matt was like a spotlight. Now, I wasn't jealous, ew, I mean I hated Mr. Robinson, he irritated me like no other with his constant nagging, but his favorite student, Matthew Sturniolo, he was the only thing catching my attention in class.

I never really cared for what was going on, I focused on Matt, his mannerisms mainly, somedays the only thing getting me up in the morning was to figure out if Matt were to even show up. Now, I wouldn't say I was obsessed, but more so infatuated.

[ghoulie-67-baby]

Packmate- Ghost (Part 2).

Summary: A new ghoul is summoned to the Abbey and the ghouls get to meet their new packmate.

Warnings: Negative emotions, anxiety, panic attack, ghoul pile, crying, fluffy!Mountain, dissociation, exhaustion.

Pairing: Ghoulette!reader x nameless ghouls (possible Copia).

Word count: 2,445.

Ghoulette! Reader POV

I was still getting used to the ghouls' den and every time I left I ended up getting lost, wandering around aimlessly and hoping to make sense of the endless rooms and corridors. A handful of times, I had been spotted by other ghouls and siblings of sin but I pretended I knew where I was going, like I was doing something specific. It was ridiculous, childish even, but I already felt stupid enough.

"Hey Peach, how're you doing?" I jumped as Cirrus popped up beside me, my hand pressing to my chest to settle the pounding of my heart.

"I'm okay." I hesitated with my answer, I didn't want to her knowing I had been avoiding them all, not knowing how to act when they were all so close to one another. I was an outsider. "How are you?"

"Y'know you don't have to be so formal Hun, we're friends aren't we?" I let my eyes meet hers for a second before nodding softly. "Well, I have a job to do for Papa so I'll see you back at the den okay?" I nodded as she bounced away and spun to leave the abbey before anyone else could collar me.

As I wandered out into the cloudy gardens, I got lost in my thoughts. We're we friends really? I had only been here two weeks and in that time I hadn't really interacted much with them. They had offered me my own personal room in their den and I had been quick to accept. I had noticed the way they tended to pile together or cuddle in smaller groups in each other's rooms whilst I hid away. Nobody had mentioned it to me and part of me was convinced they didn't care, didn't want me to pile with them and it made my chest seize painfully.

Without realising it, I stumbled through the gardens and towards the greenhouses. The rain had soaked me, leaving me shivering, the smell of freshly wet earth and greenery permeated my senses as my heart raced almost as fast as my heart. Gripping the edge of the seedling table before me, I bowed my head as I tried to control my breathing.

The sound of someone clearing their throat startled me and I squealed in surprise, eyes widening as a few plant pots smashed to the floor. My eyes moved to meet the person, filling with tears from my blunder. Mountain's eyes looked back at me from where he was dead-leafing his plants.

"I am so sorry." I gasped, tears threatening to slip over the edge. "I didn't mean to, I just jumped and they fell. I can fix it, I'm really sorry." My pleading trailed off into a sob as my tears got the better of me. My hands shot out in front of me as Mountain stalked over. Fear gripped me as I got flashes of the claws and eyes from the creatures of the pit and I cried out as his hands grabbed my shoulders. The towering ghoul pulled me closer to him, uncaring of my sodden clothes and pathetic state. My head rested against his diaphragm as he rubbed his thumbs against my collarbone. His hands covered the entirety of my shoulders, their warmth bleeding into my skin.

I let my body slump against him when I realised he wasn't going to hurt me. My fingers twitched against his stomach as I fought the instinct to wrap them around him. Unrelenting whimpers worked their way from my throat as tears continued to spill under my mask. The ghoul didn't seem to care about the horns digging into him as my body shuddered with cold and overbearing emotion.

"I'm so sorry," I cried, my fists curling into his shirt. "I'm sorry, didn't mean to, was an accident. I'll fix it. I swear." I squeezed the words out between sobs that rattled through my chest.

"It's okay, I know, you're okay." My body tensed as he moved his hands off my shoulders. I didn't dare look at him as he did whatever it was he was doing. Holding my breath, I let Mountain unclasp the back of my mask and listened to his steady breaths as he slipped it off and placed it on the table. "Look at me." The command caught me off guard but I did as I was told and let my eyes meet his. My breath caught in my throat at the sight of his massless face as he looked down at my tear-streaked face. "What happened?" I couldn't understand the comfort that bloomed in me as he looked down at me with concern.

"Cirrus said we were all friends but I haven't done a very good job at getting to know all of you and I've hidden away because I didn't want to disturb anyone o cause any problems. You're all so happy and comfortable and I didn't want to ruin that but it hurts in my chest because I don't have that. I want to be able to be like all of you but I haven't really been close to anyone since I came here. I've ruined every opportunity to make friends or join in." I rambled on, tears dripping onto my shirt as he listened patiently. "Now I've ruined your beautiful plants and you're probably mad at me and I'm sorry." A shake of his head and a finger on my lips put a stop to my painfully anxious rambling.

"Buttercup," my heart softened a little at the nickname. "I'm not mad at you. They can be fixed and repotted. It's not a big issue. As for Cirrus and the rest of us, we've had plenty of time t get to know each other and you could never ruin or disturb anything. But if you want to be like the rest of us and have the same kind of relationship then we can work on it together if that's what you want. I know that we all want you to join us and bond with the pack so there'd be no arguments if you wanted to."

An unfamiliar warmth spread through me from his words and before I could stop myself, the walls I had so carefully built crumbled along with my resolve. Throwing my hands around the bigger ghoul, I anchored my hands into the back of his shirt and cried against his body, relief flooding through y system alongside the cocktail of emotion.

Careful hands wrapped around me as the rain thundered against the greenhouse roof, not quite drowning my anguish. As the tears began to dry up, I noted how I had burrowed into him as much as I could. Exhaustion rushed through my limbs as I clung to Mountain. It didn't take much for him to notice my shivering and shakey legs or the dark circles that had accumulated under my eyes.

"I'm going to put my mask back on, Buttercup." He muttered softly like he was worried he would scare me. "Then I can get you back to the den. Warm and safe." I nodded against his shirt, wiping my face on my sleeves, grimacing in disgust at myself. "Come on, let's get you back." I blindly felt for my mask, my vision blurred by tiredness and tears.

"You don't need that on, I'm going to carry you if that's okay? Your legs are like jelly and I don't like the idea of you stumbling the distance." Sweetly, he tucked my hair behind my ears and wiped a stray tear from my face. I held my arms up in a child-like manner, lip quivering as he smiled down at my silent consent. He bent down slowly and wrapped my arms around the back of his neck before straightening up, hooking my legs around his waist. Mountains hands rested under my thighs, claw digging in slightly but the feeling grounded me as my heart rate settled a little.

The walk up to the abbey consisted of my face being buried in the junction between his neck and shoulder as the rain bounced down on us, soaking us to the bone. One hand stayed under my thighs as the other rubbed up and down my back soothingly. I felt myself dissociating, not noticing the change in atmosphere as we entered the building, warmth replaced the cold wind and dry air replaced the rain. Mountain's chest rumbling was my only indication that he was speaking; words didn't register in my head.

"She's been like this since we left the greenhouse, I tried to talk to her but I don't think she heard a word of it." An earthy scent mixed with the crispness of rain drifted from the ghoul's skin, soothing me as my mind's fog cleared slightly.

"We should change her clothes at least, you're both going to freeze." The softness of Cumulus' voice reached my ears and I fought with my body to shift my head. "Hey pumpkin," she crooned, stroking my wet hair from my eyes.

The walls of their den came into focus as I shifted my eyes around. The whole pack of ghouls had removed their masks and seeing the faces filled with concern and anxiety made guilt creep in.

"Why don't we get you warmed up, and let mountain do the same?" The ghoulette held out her hand as Mountain uncurled my legs from his waist. I looked up at him unsurely as he placed me on my feet but slid my hand into the waiting one and trudged towards her bedroom after a reassuring smile.

As she settled me on her dressing table stool, she hummed to herself whilst she shuffled through her drawers. Letting my eyes follow, I admired the smoothness of her steps and the sureness of her movements. It amazed me how beautiful they all were, breathtaking no matter what.

"We're friends right, cumulus?" I bit my lip as she froze.

"Of course we are pumpkin." Pyjamas were placed on the edge of the bed as she knelt in front of me. "We all adore you, I adore you." A blush spread across my chest and neck as she brushed her thumb over my cheek.

"Good," I hesitated for a moment. " do you think, if I tried my best, I could become a part of your pack?"

"Well, as far as I'm concerned little ghoulette, you already are." Her smile lit up her face perfectly and I couldn't help but return it. "Okay, ill turn around and let you change. Your skin is like ice." I wrestled the wet clothes off, drying myself and slipping on the soft cotton pyjamas. Once I was done I tapped her shoulder and smiled as she spun around, holding me at arm's length to check they were okay. They were a little big but that just meant more fabric to snuggle into.

"Let's go and show the others, you cutie patootie." I laughed at the name, nose twitching as she tapped it playfully. Slipping my hand into hers, we wandered slowly back to the group in a warm and comforting silence.

"Yeah but why? Does she not like us? Did we say something, do something?" I stood just outside the door, squeezing Cumulus; hand to ask her to wait. "And what was with the flowers when you brought her back?" Dewdrop's ranting was incessant and Cirrus tried and unfortunately failed to reign him in.

"I. Don't. Know. Dewdrop." Mountain sounded stressed and pent up; something I had obviously caused. "I know it wasn't me so it must've been her."

"Ah-hem," clearing my throat, all eyes flew to us and I shrunk back against cumulus. "Dewdrop, I do like you, I like all of you. The problem is I feel like I've never had a proper bond. This is unfamiliar to me and you guys are so used to it with each other. Nobody has said or done anything wrong, I'm the one that hasn't made it easy and I'm sorry I've made you all stressed and exhausted but ill be better." I wrung my fingers together, head bowed to the room.

"Sweetheart," Rain's voice was gentle and quiet, especially calming to everyone in the room. "You did nothing wrong, it's been a tricky few weeks for you and you've been thrown in the deep end. We're just glad you're okay and we can work on it at your pace, okay?" Ever the voice of reason, he lifted my chin to look at everyone, smiling as I nodded with a sign of relief.

"I still don't get the flowers." Dewdrop hissed to Aether who groaned dramatically. My face screwed up in confusion at the fire ghoul's comment.

"You have flower's in your hair, Doll." Aether trudged over, plucking one from behind my ear and placing it in my hand. I stared down at the yellow petals, eyes flickering to Moutain.

"Oh, it's a chrysanthemum." Fiddling with the stem, I watched the earth ghoul. "did you put it in my hair?"

"No, you have about a dozen all over." His answer only added to my confusion. "Sometimes they symbolise sadness." My eyes widened at his words.

"D'you think, maybe." I pointed at my chest as he nodded. "Does this mean I'm an earth ghoul too?" My eyes lit up despite the exhaustion.

"It could do, Peach." I squealed a little in excitement, jumping on the spot. "It's amazing and exciting but you've been hit with a lot today. I think perhaps it's time for some rest." Cirrus raised her eyebrow at me as I stumbled a little, caught by Cumulus' hand on my hip.

"M'Kay," a yawn ripped from me as I began to notice just how tired I really was. "D'you think I could stay here tonight, think I wanna snuggle?" Rubbing my eyes, I let myself be guided to their pile.

"You're more than welcome to stay, you need the warmth anyway because of the weather."

"Here, ill warm you up." Dewdrop wiggled his eyebrows suggestively as I crawled over, a sleepy laugh being pulled from me. "Come on tiny, time to sleep."

Mountain cuddled in behind me, his big frame acting as a cushion as Dewdrop wiggled under my arm, head on my shoulder. I really could understand why it was a 'pile' once everyone settled and couldn't help the smile as warmth encased me.

"'Night everyone." They all uttered and whispered their replies before soft hums rumbled in their chests. Before I had the chance to ask what it was, my eyes slid shut, drifting to sleep surrounded by something I didn't realise I was missing.

[azaliyas]

could I recommend a venti x reader with anxiety and panic attacks?

summary : rude people are all around, and suffering from anxiety surely doesn't help, but your boyfriend does.

word count : [ to be added ]

genre : hurt with comfort.

cw / tw : rude people, cussing, panic attack, anxiety.

characters : venti.

note : first of all, i'm sorry anon it took me so long to write this, unfortunately when you sent the ask it wasn't the best period for me to write ;-; but i'm back!!! anyway i did some research before writing this since i never experienced a panic attack or an anxiety one, so forgive me if it's not the best, at least i tried ;^;

you had a gut feeling today was going to be off for you, but you dismissed it as your usual anxiety for social interactions, even the smallest ones like greetings when going shopping.

but now, now you regret not listening to your inside voice begging you to stay at home today. you could have stayed in your boyfriend venti's sleepy hug all morning, he wouldn't have minded one bit. in fact, he even begged you.

you asked yourself if he did perceive something, and again you regret not staying in bed.

you thought it was going to be fine, running small errands around mondstadt like buying groceries for the week and commission to wagner to repair an old heirloom.

after getting all the groceries you needed you were about to pay blanche, a couple of people standing behind you as you were searching in your wallet for the mora. you were feeling a bit dizzy, your vision blurring a little. you were feeling bad for making other people wait, but your trembling hands made it difficult for you to grab the coins.

the woman standing behind you groaned once again at your slowness, her patience running thin as she probably had other errands to do.

«if you don't have enough money to pay or you're just that stupid you can't even count the coins then next time ask for the delivery service! people can't wait for you, little princess!» she yelled, pushing you aside in such a rude way you almost fell on the ground with your bags.

the other woman standing in line and blanche looked at you with pitiful gazes. you felt tears pricking at your eyes as you felt your body petrifying on spot. you knew what that feeling was, but you had to push it through. with your hands still trembling you put the right amount of mora on the counter and took your bags, heavy feet dragging you along the streets.

your chest felt tight and heavy, every breath suffocating, gripping on your lungs in an iron grasp. you didn't know where your feet were taking you, but as long as you were away from the people's inquiring gazes that was okay. you knew people were looking at you, you could feel the bitter tears sliding down your cheeks.

you found yourself in a lonely alley. it was good, you thought as you slid down against a wall, the bags in your hands falling on the ground as you started sobbing. your tears mixed with the droplets of sweat running down your temples and neck. you felt the collar of your shirt dumping, but you didn't care.

the more you cried and the more the ache in your chest worsened, your quiet sobs turning into hiccups.

a gentle breeze hit your face, drying the tears on your cheeks. a shadow loomed over you before kneeling down to reach your eye level, and even through the tears the teal and dark blue braids were unmistakable.

«why is my pretty cecilia crying?» he whispered with that gentle tone that was reserved to you only, his beloved.

venti sat beside you, an arm wrapped around your shoulders and the other encircling your front, his hand resting on your tear-stained face. he pushed your head on his shoulder, not minding the tears and sweat staining his clothes, it didn't matter. your well being, now, was his most important thought at the moment.

you didn't talk, still feeling dizzy and nauseous, your throat hoarse from crying and the choking feeling from the worst part of your panic attack. a gentle wind brought fresh air in your lungs and you squeezed venti's hand in a silent "thank you". his lips left a soft kiss on the crown of your head.

you two stayed in the alley for a while, your boyfriend soothing your mind and your soul as you regained consciousness of your surroundings. the after effects of your attack left you with wobbly legs, but it didn't matter, since venti carried both you and the groceries back home.

in the warmth and safety of your home you felt much better, but your boyfriend's arms would always remain the safest of havens, sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace.

© azaliyas 2023 do not copy repost translate or feed to ai

[new-tella-us]

For seduce me situations, could you do one about how each incubusbwould help Mika when shes having severe anxiety attacks?

AYYY a Seduce Me Situation ask!

Turns out, according to Demon War's logic, they have the ability to just calm her down with enthrallment. But that's not a fun answer, it's just a cheat sheet so, I have a small bit of lore to explain that away.

It's not in the succubus culture to just force emotions in or out of your fellow demons and while doing so to humans is more acceptable, the boys specifically wouldn't feel comfortable doing that to Mika. It's seen as invasive and, even when consensual, an unhealthy coping mechanism as it only solves the surface emotions rather than the underlying problem. So they would only use their enthrallment if she wasn't calming down or it was getting so bad that she was hurting herself.

James is getting her to sit down and trying to see which method of calming someone down would work for her. Some people need silence while others feel more grounded with white noise in the background. Some needs physically affection while others don't want to be touched, etc. Once he finds what works (mainly being held and reassurance) and she calms down, he's going to try and gently ask her what spurred this on. He wants to nip this problem in the bud so it doesn't get to a point where she gets hurt.

I think I mentioned this before but Erik defaults to trying to ground her. Try to keep her within reality rather than letting her disassociate. This includes breathing exercises, physical touch (if she's okay with that, which she is) and whispering sweet nothings. I imagine he's had to calm down some of his brothers in a similar emotional state before, mainly Damien right after the death of his mother, so he has experience.

Sam has N O idea what he's doing. He sees Mika freaking out, barely able to breathe and he wants to help but all he could think to do to try and calm her down is to pick her up or hold her close. He would be the best at that at least. He might be the quickest to break the "No enthrallment" rule and use his enthrallment simply because he doesn't know what to do but, afterwards he's getting to bottom of what's going on and why Mika's acting like this. He doesn't like to see his doofus sad.

Matthew would briefly panic before calming himself down to help Mika. He'd try to remember how his mother used to calm him down as a child and that ends with them on the couch. He's rocking her back and forth, holding her in his arm and softly humming a lullaby while petting her head. A little childish but I imagine it makes Mika feel safe. After she calms down, he gives her a little forehead kiss before making something for her to eat. I think food is his default.

Whether Damien finds her via mind reading or (if this is post his route) just finds her, he'd immediately settling her down and cuddling her. It's sad cuddle hours, boys. He's specifically holding to keep her from hurting herself in her panic. This goes double if this is post SM 1 as he wouldn't have enthrallment as an option if things got really bad. He's absolutely crying but he wouldn't let her see that as he waits for her attack to pass. This is where things slightly splinter based off the timeline. One of the things that calms Mika is the sound of rain (this is kinda based off canon btw). If this is before Damien's SM 1 ending, he'd know this immediately and turn on some rain ambience. If this is Post SM 1 but Pre SM 2, since he's not actually human, I imagine he still has this almost six sense where his mind reading once was so he would guess she needs background noise and would put on rain ambience. And if it was Post SM 2, aka straight up human Damien, by that point, he was probably told, so same as the first one.

[nyrhtak04]

Inside Out 2

This is going to be pretty long, I think. Spoilers ahead.

I went to go see this with my siblings earlier this evening and oh. my. goodness. IT. WAS. AMAZING!!!

I did not go into it with high expectations, expecting another "first draft" movie. But no. It actually felt like a PIXAR movie.

Okay, the new emotions:

Anxiety: My immediate new favorite character. I love her wacky design and her VA (wasn't sure how Maya Hawke would do, but I absolutely ADORED her here). Also, as someone with GAD, she is my default emotion. I couldn't even hate her when she became the primary antagonist. And that panic attack scene. like.

Envy: Adorable. That's all I have to say. just. adorable. Again, character design and VA were perfect. I was kind of surprised that she was such a soft character. Almost seemed more like "emulation" or "admiration" than "envy." Wonder if they'll explore the harder/darker side of envy later I have only seen it once, so I could just be forgetting a part. I think there may have been a part where Envy caused Riley to side with the Firehawks. Anyway.

Ennui: Enjoyable character. Got a few laughs. Character design is fun like the others. I don't have strong opinions about them. I liked them.

Embarrassment: I liked the character design. "He's not big on eye contact or touching." Same dude. same. I was in physical pain whenever he was on screen, but I think that was the point. Also his teaming up with and hiding Sadness was so cute/sweet. Big marshmallow.

I've heard that guilt/shame were supposed to be involved. I would have loved this, but I can see how that might have made the movie a little too busy.

Now, the movie itself:

Some parts were rushed, but since this is a movie about anxiety, I'm not mad. Some worldbuilding parts could have been fleshed out more; it's only an hour and a half long, they could have made it a bit longer without it becoming tedious. Just linger on a few scenes a little.

Riley was ridiculously relatable. I mean, she always was, but this movie it's like they got footage of me. Except I got those feelings/thought processes a lot earlier than 13 and they've never gone away (if anything, they're getting worse. thanks burnout).

As someone who finds secondhand embarrassment to be physically painful, I spent most of the movie with my hands over my face. At one point (I think during the secrets vault) I slid down in my chair because I couldn't take it anymore. The squeaks and shrieks I had to keep quiet. I tell you.

As painful as those parts were, they were still cathartic. I felt seen. Having interests intended for much younger people. Being super conscientious about those interests and pretty much everything else to the point of missing the conversation. Constantly monitoring myself and being terrified that if I didn't I would end up alone. The conflicting self-images. The phrase of Riley's anxiety-driven self being "I'm not good enough" and anxiety being confused and trying to spin it as "just means we have room to improve" (or something like that). The panic attack. Oh my gosh the panic attack was perfect. The whirlwind and simultaneous paralysis. This movie made me cry so many times.

I am obsessed with this movie and will probably post a lot of art about it.

[partysol-the-umbrella-wielder]

I thought I posted this already oops. Here is some bios of these two idiots that I love so much.

Hurbie (she/her): Before she made her little journey, she was a tailor apprentice working under Harhall.

She is decently peppy And tries to keep everyone in high spirits. But her anxiety and awkwardness is worn directly on her. She tries to appear tough and she technically is, But at this point she's so used to people bossing her around that she struggles to actually put her foot down.

She just moved to the bean bean kingdom for job reasons But also for an old dream. She had as a kid to go to space so she's trying to rent a rocket for that ( I like to imagine space travel is actually pretty easy here thanks to galaxy)

tho despite doing what she loves, she ended up becoming pretty miserable after a while of doing the same thing every day. As she was not very good at talking and ended up self isolating for a bit.

It's only after she takes a night walk to try and help herself, She finds the person that changes her entire life. Beez! She ends up rescuing this "poor defenseless" alien and a super willing to help when hearing their plight about trying to find other survivors. Letting them take her boom box and modify it, and coming along to help.

She ends up, however, learning more about what they are and, well, how deadly the Shroobs are in general. After this, she was tempted to try and stop this, but something kept pushing her forward. Almost like her brain is working against her. It's probably nothing, though :]

She also never fully goes villain despite everything. Even after some changes she goes through, she is still a dork that cares a lot about aliens and cool clothes

Beez (it/they/he) shroob mechanic that survived what they call "the acid rain."

They don't really talk about anything before that. It's hard enough trying to remember what was going on during the rain. Seeing they're fallen melt away.

What we do know is They ran far away from the mushroom kingdom, even somehow crossed the border into bean bean.

There they stayed for multiple years. Completely isolated and emotionless. It wasn't until a weird bean creature approached them that they started moving again, to attack her at first, But then stopping after feeling touch for the first time in years.

Shroobs can't cry,, So all they did was stop. The weird bean called Hurb Took them in giving them some leftover pizza and soda and even giving her room to them. They were definitely confused by this hospitality but ended up learning to enjoy this kindness.

After all, wasn't the whole mission to find a place to call home to finally relax. Yet they were left unsatisfied... The mission couldn't truly succeed when there's only one of them left. In the end, they repurposed Hurb's old boom box not only for communication but also to send a signal out, a shroob sos, to try and find any survivors. It took a while, but they did.

And that starts their journey to find every last shroob!

Beez ends up going from mimicking emotions to finding their own person within this mess. Which ends up making them one of the kinder shroobs... Emphasis on kinder. He can and will still try to kill people. But only if it's necessary. He ends up getting a hobby outside of his electronic work by learning how to make drinks. Vim never tasted better!