#it's not 100% clear who was that one doctor that operated there but let's be real - it can only be this bitch

[cosmichawk]

past and present

[deepreviewvoid]

- foreseen punishment, foreseen misery -

pm Dazai × gn Reader!

+ mentions of Chuuya, Ango & Mori

Genre : 100% Shenanigans, Slight Fluff, Slight Angst

Synopsis : the port mafia reigns victorious once again, some see it's worth, others completely diregard it because foreseen misery is regardless. Ft. Shenanigans in various port locations with Dazai.

Background : Odasaku is also the reader's friend, and you have a special ability, it allows you to manipulate / brainwash the enemy's mind for your gains, it comes at a cost, minor memory loss.

Triggers : port mafia stuff

The Port Mafia just crushed an entire organisation from stem to root in a one week length operation. It was a no-brainer, defeat was a taste that most forgot about ever since Mori reigned. It's hard to salt the wounds when there's none.

If the mafia is always securing its spot as Yokohama's top underground monopoly, then this said group had no chance, but, they provoked the mafia and soon enough their demise entailed.

This operation was mostly masterminded by Dazai who divided the squads and the attack patterns; with Mori pulling everyone's strings, it was an inevitable crushing victory, however, once the curtains finally close, the casualties become apparent.

You didn't need to wait for curtains, your squad perished infront of your eyes during the latest phase. It was all because of a single crucial mistake that spiraled into a loss.

Mistakes have owners whom happens to be Akutagawa in this case.

--- At HQ

The sun is setting, hallways at HQ are much noisier than usual, a smile was evident on every person's face. Men wearing black suits, holding guns and smiling . . . how bizarre of a scene it would be if a mediocre man were to walk here, safe to say no one here can be considered mediocre when the majority's blood is as black as these suits, even for the low ranks.

Their hideous laughter filed the hallways, this victory still had merits for them. You're usually better off acting deaf, and it's no exception today; you crossed the hallways with complete ignorance, throwing in a few glares here and there when the noises got too barbaric, too raucous for a delicate human's ear.

They cleared their throats upon realising that your eyes lingered, let's just say that your reputation exceeds you in the mafia, unfortunately, not for your feats, but rather your sickening ability. If you were to gaze just long enough into another's eyes, they would fall under your control, they would speak of what you desired and act as you wish. That's why, you were invaluable when it came to the interrogation ward.

Floor by floor, the higher you ascended, the more pompous the party seems, because up in the tower resided the higher ups, and they were none the wiser.

The higher ups were a different breed, they're ecstatic, greedy, their boarish laughters echoing, getting hysterically louder. They're practically drowning in their lust for victory, stepping their heels on fancy carpets drowned in fine wine.

Upon reaching the top floor suit, you were finally glad to have reached the pinnacle of the tower, up where it quiets down, because this is where the king resides. You walked out the elevator after passing security verification, eventually to your destination, a large mahogany door stood tall.

Mori isn't a fun king, this door, especially this door and its walls are soundproof. You could barely make out some murmurs from the inside even if you were attentive to listen, hence it's pointless to just stand idly. You pushed the grand door open and stepped inside, the extravagant office is illuminated by the last rays of the sunlight for the day.

"Welcome y/n, I was hoping you'd come around" Mori was smiling, sitting diligently yet comfortablly in his fine wood chair like the mad Doctor he is. Infront of the Mori's desk stood Dazai, who acknowledged your presence by turning to face you.

There's a hierarchy, and Mori's authority is on top, so it was customary as you did a slight bow "Boss" addressing him in a monotone voice, you lifted your head once more, gazing back at him.

"It seems that you're unscathed, for the most part" his eyes landed on your bandaged hand, which you recently injured when a gunshot jabbed its way. "Even so your squad got the short end of the stick. Quite fortuitous, don't you think?"

You didn't reply. It wasn't by luck that you're alive, you were forced to make extensive use of your ability to get you and the few men left of the weeds.

His eyes lingered on your right hand for a moment too long, "I could take a look at it, it's not tightly wrapped" you anticipated this, so you shunned him almost immediately "no thanks"

"Pity" he said, with a slight tone of disappointment "We were just discussing the pay offs of this operation, but above all, I'm eager for your personal report"

Information, you're good at gathering it.

Infromation is also the mafia's top asset interms of it's profound importance, the gifted come second.

After brainwashing targeted individuals, you gathered crucial intel, so the report you handed him was priceless. Mori's eyes gave this paper all the attention it deserves and satisfaction soon plastered his face.

"very good" was all he said in a bemused tone, after feasting his eyes, he discarded this paper to the side and it was picked up by Dazai to view who mumbled something like: "Not too far from expectations"

Dazai's predictions were aligned with what you gathered, this organisation had a few strings to pull with, and now its apparent where they pulled them from.

They began bickering sbout 'their next move'.

The mafia's prosperity is currently being masterminded by them, the ideas they produce seem inscrutable, devious and so intricate, because they even plan each domino's spot as it falls ontop of another.

You were fixated to where you stood, awaiting any notice, however, Mori didn't speak of further demands, so you simply excused yourself.

"If that's all then excuse me" you said, turning away, and towards your next destination, Dazai's voice rang "So soon?" He called out in a voice of petite light-heartedness.

You halted, "If its about Akutagawa, you know where to find me"

Akutagawa's blind mistake, his disobedience to Dazai during the final stage of the operation costed mafia lives. Dazai was undoubtedly going to inquire a retelling of events, and regardless, Akutagawa's punishment is foreseen.

"That's what you say everytime" mockingly yet jokingly he complained, "you're awfully hard to find once you're gone, just wait a minute for me okay?"

a small breath escaped as you smiled, it baffled you how Dazai, the literal genius often complains to you about how arduous it is to locate you. The smile turned into a tiny chuckle, "One minute" you said, leaving the office.

The hallway just outside the door was spacious, equipped with the higher up groove which consisted of fancy wallpaper, fancy furniture, fancy carpets, fancy shamncy. . . Resting at some random boujee chair, you waited.

Shortly after, Dazai exited Mori's office and sat on the second vacant chair beside you. "I was serious, ya'know" he sat down lazily like a cat, gesturing around he spoke "you have a diligent habit of going mia" he complained once again, so, naturally, you complained back.

"I'm not thaaat hard to find,Besides, you're capable of finding whoever you want on a whim, and 'mia' is better fitting for a boy who likes to go dumpster diving"

"Point taken!" He placed a hand on his chest for a touch of dramatic flare, but, assuming that Dazai is in an actual good mood is a grave mistake. "You don't forge many habits, so it's hard to track you down"

"I assure you I'm not that mysterious" you casually said,giving him a rather conspicuous glance "so, Akutagawa? Why don't you interrogate him yourself as his mentor?" You asked, immediately answering yourself, "Oh wait! You won't interrogate him yet to impose psychological fear in anticipation of the coming punshiment" you jested.

Anticipation can cause serious anxiety, it can jumble a humans mind, and influence their behaviour especially when the anticipated is already foreseen.

"You read my mind" he smiled, a tinge of sinister mixed with some cruelty in that smile, just like how Mori was so bemused, Dazai couldn't get further from being his spitting image. "I'd like to hear your version of events first"

"Ever heard of reverse psychology? It's the main casual factor" you explained, leaning on the small high legged table, "Akutagawa's very diligence in heeding your orders, is also the reason that vexation carried him away"

Akutagawa was deployed on your squad by Dazai, he were to act as the main defensive mechanism, to safe guard your position while Dazai and Chuuya carried the front line.

Your ability alone is no good, it's a poker card that could only do so much.

"He charged full-offensive at an attacking party, which left me and my squad in a peril, that's when it happened"

"Do you know what that means?" you asked, in a manner of leading the conversation.

"The prophecy you made about a surprise ambush was true, Akutagawa knew that it would happen, yet his arrogance led him away like a stray dog"

Akutagawa's arrogance is the consequence of Dazai's torment, yet, he idolises Dazai; and you loathed this because it fed Dazai's ego.

"That's all you need to know"

Dazai quietly took in the infromation, your point of view for the events, your analysis on Akutagawa's behaviour. His eyes not focused on something in particular, as if lost in procrastination, then, he spoke "Look at that", he pointed at your right hand, "its bleeding"

Up untill his remark, you were numb to the ache, you carefully removed your hand from your cheek, the wound reopened, blood seeping from the bandages that were pathetically tied by an unexperienced apothecary.

You wiped off your smudged cheek the clean side of the bandages, you couldn't curse yourself, its your dominant hand, you were bound to unconsciously cause harm to it in its fragile state. However, Blood here was normal, this is normal, this is casual mafia stuff, it's normal to shrug it off.

Your eyes flew back to Dazai who was staring, probably the entire time, "Anything else you need?" Pulling the bandages tighter, the bleeding temporarily pausing.

"Glad you asked, you still owe me a drink"

"That was over a rock-paper-scissors game that you gaslighted Chuuya to play last week Correction: he owes you a drink"

"Not that one, the other one"

"You made a bet with Odasaku over whether or not Ango would show up to the bar, Oda's the one who owes you, why am I still involved here?" You slumped your shoulder at these short-comings, you didnt like where this is going.

Dazai gaslighting and making bets were something that you grew immune to, but he always found a way to still drag you into it.

"Odasaku lost, and placed the bill for the drink on your tab since he spends so much on the orphans, I was sure he informed you!" He said, in an act-innocent kind of tone, cooing you in the process.

You paused for a moment, combing through the memories to confirm his claim, which happened to be true. . . Poor man Odasaku couldn't handle him, you chuckled amidst your defeat saying, "Alright I'll be sure to buy something very special like some bleach"

"Great! I'll be eagerly waiting for that" he stood up, his posture suddenly energetic. You looked up, noticing yet another questionable smile, "I'll go raid Ango's office, you coming?"

"I completely forgot about that" you stood up as well, "We probably gave him three nighters worth of work with that mess"

"First, you might want to patch your hand up, the last thing you want to do is spill a drop in his office"

"Oh yeah, didn't you sneeze some mucus into one of the ledgers before?"

"Don't look at me as if I was caught, of course not"

--- Ango's office

Dazai didn't bother knocking, he simply shouted a in a hurried manner "Ango, I'm coming in!" He pushed the large door open, you two peeked inside to see an irritated yet exhausted Ango, who was visibly annoyed at the both of you for the interruption, especially Dazai, but Dazai was already stepping inside like he owns the place with you following suit into the archive like room.

Ango eventually sighed as he gently settled down his ink pen in its holder, then, he took off his glasses and started to clean the glass with a delicate cotton piece. It was as if he's been working tirelessly for hours, and only then did he remember to do such basic yet necessary actions.

"How may I assist you?" He calmly spoke, with a very subtle hint of anxiety.

Dazai forced a sly grin as he walked to Ango's desk in long strides "Oh, don't be so gloomy Ango, I'm here to check on your well being"

"What Dazai means to say is, 'I hope you're not drooling over the causalities again'" You cut off Dazai as if to save Ango from his antics.

When you both reached his desk, you sighed synchronically as your eyes peered over the view.

Piles of papper, seals of all sizes, file holders and ledger books scattered everywhere, yet Ango managed to keep a small spot organised to be able to document properly.

"I had my doubts" Dazai crossed his arms, carefully giving all the papers a thoughtful glance, you noticed that he clenched his fist, clearly irritated about something, and you knew exactly what it was, it's the Akutagawa situation. (Who would have guessed?!)

"Sixty-two men in total" Ango lifted a finger to the middle of his glasses, "This operation alone has peaked the count of last year's entire fatalities, so if anything, I should be 'drooling' over it. These families need proper closure, and proper condolences cash distribution" Ango looked up at Dazai as he calmly spoke, then, he shifted his gaze towards you "your unit accounts for the most", he added, and it only made you irritated.

"I know" disappointment mixed with resentment washed over you. Originally, you estimated that your unfortunate squad lost thirty men, that's proportionally half of the total count, which implies that the severity of the loss could have been greatly reduced should have Akutagawa made the right choice.

Safe to say, Dazai had the same thought, he was purely displeased, disgusted, and a many other words to describe a face that lacks mercy, a face that is glaring into the future of an already foreseen punishment, but now he's staring at you with those menacing eyes.

"Truly misfortunate" Dazai said, in the midst of almost clenching his teeth, it must suck when he's already foreseen everything, yet his orders go defied.

Ango lowered his gaze to the table clock, it's almost midnight now, not that it matters, he'll most likely be staying untill sunrise.

"I have to finish these documents, excuse me" Ango held his ink pen once more and shifted his focus back towards his work rather awkwardly.

"Sorry Ango, you're practically a one man army in this cursed job description, wish I could help you but oh well" you raised your injured hand into view, there's no way you could hold anything with it without running with the risk of re-opening it again.

"Thank you, inspite of the situation, perhaps you could have helped if you had a more refined handwriting"

"Seriously" you rolled your eyes to the ceiling of this dimly lit room, "Good one Ango!" Dazai cheered on the side.

Dazai's temperament was still apparent, not at the loss of sixty-so men, Dazai simply does not care about death or carnage, he's fully pissed off by Akutagawa.

The thought of Akutagawa probably fuels him all the more motivation to go out there and punch him, "Well, we won't bother you for much longer, your plate is already full" Dazai said.

You two existed Ango's office, and with a quick 'cya', you went one way, and he went the other.

---------------------------------------------------

After that night, you were bombarded with more work, too much work. Mori and Executive Kōyō were always too confident in your ability, too comfortable with the exploitation of this gruesome psychological ability, too careless, because they couldn't care less about the consequences, the forgetful state it puts you in.

Executive Kōyō frequently required your presence in her extreme interrogations, her torture methods are very variable and sometimes, she likes to spice things up by letting you break their minds. Information gathering and mind breaking is what you're good for in the mafia.

Everybody knew that much.

--- Two days later, at HQ.

It was a normal day like any other, sun sets down over Yokohama, night time settles in and mafia work begins. You were just walking out of the interrogation ward when a certain orange haired fellow approached you.

"lookin' awfully depressed as usual" Chuuya mumbled, approaching you whilst adjusting his hat. "Woah, get your vision straight, im not Dazai" you scoffed, still walking in whatever direction you were heading, forcing Chuuya to follow to keep up the conversation.

He smirked at your dainty reply, "You interrogation freaks are creepy" he never liked interrogation, nor Kōyō, he fully meant the emphasis on the word 'creepy'

"Also, you are very much Dazai. The way I see it, two assholes" he mumbled once more.

"Point taken fancy hat, what's the occasion?" You abruptly stopped, crossing your arms at him. You two lashed out in a series of quick paced replies.

"I bought a new bottle"

"of course you did"

"It's the good stuff"

"I don't drink"

"Come on, surely you can hold in three sips"

"no way, fancy hat"

"what a weak bloodline you have"

"your bloodline can speak of its height"

Critical Hit!

Chuuya's eyes widened in half-shocked half-insulted way, he growled a random cursive word, and it only made your victorious grin all the more wider.

It was fun to mess with the gentleman, Chuuya was very xpressive, hence, fun to tease.

He may have a chaotic ability, but you know well that his heart is one of a gentleman and that's how Dazai pretty much makes a living out of this guy.

"You know that flower pot you like so much?" He mumbled, his eyes showed little new found mischief, whatever it was, you didn't like it.

"My chamomile pot, don't you dare touch it" You raised a suspicious eyebrow, this is one of your most treasured trinkets, and him spewing about it already started to get you a little warry.

"I'll create an upside down gravitational field" he said, it was his turn to grin victoriously.

He tampered with what you love most, a chamomile pot.

Its a senestive topic because you held this pot so dear, and if it's gravity became inverted, safe to say that it'll dry out and die with no water to the roots.

"You wouldn't dare!" You stomped a foot, clearly agitated, glaring at him you said, "Playing dirty Nakahara? That's not like you. I bet Dazai told you about this nifty trick, and he's probably laughing his ass off somewhere else right now"

A few onlookers stole a glance at the scene, immediately disappearing to their work without lingering for too long.

"you're right, but all be damned, so are you coming or not?" The red head turned his gaze away as he spoke of the invitation.

"Fine, bastard" you lightly punched his shoulder out of habit, immediately groaning once you realised its your right hand.

Chuuya didnt pity you for it, in fact, he was probably happy that you accidentally hurt yourself in some way. Soon after, you both started walking to your destination, an all too well familiar room.

Chuuya closed the door behind you, ahead was a room, also called safe haven 333. No superiors or grownups allowed, Dazai technically counts as a 'superior' but, he passed the vibe check.

It was a nice secluded room with a view over Yokohama, comfortable with three chabinets a fridge for drinks, in the center is a round table with three leather arm chairs around it.

Chuuya stores some wine in his cabinet, you keep tea bags around, and Dazai. . . Well, he keeps a couple of books, which seems normal untill you realise the topics are: narcotics, suicide and lethal injections.

One time, Chuuya intentionally spilled a few drops on Dazai's book, it was laced with potassium, causing a small explosion. Till this day, you wonder if its a trap Dazai intentionally set, maybe he knew Chuuya's temperament towards him was one day going to get the better of his books as Chuuya sipped a glass.

Talk about Saftey Hazard.

.

.

.

Dazai was already seated, he acknowledged your arrival as you took your seat, while Chuuya walked to his cabinet.

"took you long enough" Dazai said, and you rolled your eyes through his comment, instead focusing on something else, his knuckles, they were blood red.

Someone got the fist treatment.

"Im guessing our little fun blackmail worked?" He perked an eyebrow and a knowing grin at Chuuya, who was holding a giant bottle laced in luxurious labels.

"Very. Humorous. Dazai" you gave away a small glare 'screw you' at his eternal smile from across the table, Meanwhile, Chuuya carefully settled three fine glasses.

His satisfaction immeasurable as he corked open the exquisite bottle, masterfully pouring two glasses full and around two sips worth in the third.

Everyone reached for their respective glass, after a quick visual study, you smelled the sweet liquid.

It wasn't favourable to you, nor was it enticing in the slightest to try. "Remind me again on how and why we three drink together?" You asked.

"This baby tastes better when it's fully honored like that, besides, drinking with the creepy woman or the boss aren't fun" Chuuya took a sip and let out an extremely satisfied puff of air, sinking into his leather arm chair.

His argument was valid, higher-ups aren't particularly 'fun' to be around with.

"I didn't pay a single penny! Truly blessed to be alive tonight" Dazai's voice rang with an eerie happiness.

"One glass is all you get, don't get your hopes into existence" Chuya refuted.

.

.

.

Dazai and Chuuya, always polar opposites, but with you around, it was a tri-polar opposite.

Dazai enjoyed his glass of wine in a calm yet chatoic manner as he carelessly got a few drops on his attire, his liquor tolerance is a pinnacle on its own. He practically drank this thing like it's a kids juice, that made Chuuya agitated the whole time. Eye-ing every precious drop wasted.

Speaking of Chuuya, he on the other hand, also enjoyed his glass, but in a more refined and fashioned way, you could tell that he savoured each sip, carefully giving his taste buds a run before sipping another. He knows a thing or two about wine for sure, a self-proclaimed conisseur.

Meanwhile, you just settled for a cup of tea, quietly blowing the steam off as you drank the hot chamomile mixture. Drinking alcohol wasn't your suit, it often made you nauseous because when combined with your memory troubles, It can seriously cause your entire well-being to become disoriented.

That's why Chuuya only gave you around two sips worth in a glass, you had to accept it, not to make Chuuya content, but to spare yourself from him boasting about how great it was since you didn't get to try.

You two could be in a mission together, and he'd suddenly talk about a bottle that 'he's so gonna buy' after all was set and done.

"now that's a big baddie" Chuuya held his glass elegantly as he commented on the wine, probably on his third glass now.

Dazai just twirled it around, as if toying with the mixture "I don't like it" he said, looking down as his drink, then, his lips quivered in a smile, "I prefer stronger drinks like vodka, it kills you faster"

Immediately and synchronically, you and Chuuya rolled your eyes. There goes tonights inevitable death joke.

"just keep drinking those chemicals like you always do, I'm sure it'll serve you right one day" Chuuya replied dryly, clenching his teeth, then he turned his focus on you, "what do ya think?" his voice was still annoyed, but he had a shred of hope that you'd have a more pleasing answer. . . Safe to say, you didn't give him that hope.

"it was. . . very fine. Nice after taste" you visibly cringed at your reply, earlier, you just downed those two sips in one go to be rid of it, there was no way you'd have a proper answer for this guy.

"you two are worst, never drinking with you again" Chuuya groaned as he face palmed, hiding his disappointed face behind his gloved hand, you and Dazai exchanged knowing glances, similar smirks, both of you already knew that you'd be back here again no matter what Chuuya actually says.

"Sorry, kill joy, we can instead talk about how your motorcycle exploded during the-"

"shut your mouth " Chuuya uttered and Dazai giggled.

"It exploded?" You perked up from your seat in a little act of shock, "but that one was your favourite Chuuya!" you dramatically coo-ed, placing both hands on your cheek.

"I told your asses before that they might look the same, but they're different. The one that exploded is clearly not my favourite" Chuuya was frustrated to even bother explaining the engineering diffrence behind the motocycles.

You added the salt, "same thing" and Dazai added more salt "yep, don't see the difference".

"Unbelievable" Chuuya's eyes were pracitically ceiling high at this point, while your smile and Dazai's could only get wider.

Moments passed by, both of them were beginning to bicker about what they had done during the operation. Chuuya didn't need to use corruption, that would have been an overkill, but they had some fruitful stories to share and many insults for each other to curse, you were entertained.

You noticed that at some parts of their retellings, your brain was empty, failing to retrieve that memory. You were used to this feeling, yet a shudder of dread still washes over your spine. It was like you never existed, it's like you're dead if you can't remember something clearly happened with you around.

You shrugged it off, like always. You joined them both instead, relaying your own interesting stories from the operation, and soon enough, the evening ends as midnight strikes, for Yokohama its bed time, for the Port Mafia, it's more work.

"well, I'm heading off. I've had enough of both of your antics for one night"

That was when Chuuya left, then door clicked shut, and then, nothing.

.

.

.

Nothing is still something. . .

In this moment of nothingness stretched a silence of thought, it was something.

That's your belief, contrary to the boy who sat infront of you.

Dazai is a nihilist . . .

.

.

everything and anything means nothing,

He's a full dimensional nihilist. He believes in nihilism in all its forms, especially existential nihilism, which argues that life has neither objective meaning nor profound purpose.

Your eyes once again flew back to his knuckles, they're red, swollen red. Either he punched a certain someone a hundred times, or a wall twenty times. The former more is more probable.

"Odasaku's busy tonight" Dazai spoke since the five minute silence, "Ango's overworked, and that leaves me in utter boredom" he dramatically raised a free hand signalling hopelessness in distress. His other hand carried his weight as he elbowed it on the arm of the chair.

You stared at him for a moment, before settling down your now empty cup of tea and standing up. He looked up at you, in a glance of curiosity, where are you heading? His eyes said.

"You said that I'm hard to track down, why don't you join me to solve the mystery?" You gestured your right hand infront of you in a welcoming matter, 'come with me'

He smiled.

Standing right away,

"Lead the way"

--- At Port

The refreshing salty breeze cooled your face as you stood facing the waters and the bright Yokohama, you're now in a large mafia territory, a territory of warehouses. Carrier ships rang their sirens in the distance signaling arrival and departure from the port city.

"So, this is where you disappear to? Not too bad"

"I read in a book that cool wind like this helps refresh memories, I often come here to just think"

He walked ahead to the edge of the concrete platform, and you followed behind. He then stared down, so you did as well, hoping to see what his eye saw.

"You know what they say about gazing into the abyss" you uttered, the water was deep, murky, anyone who looks down immediately becomes uncertain. Just a few feet away is the unknown.

"It also gazes unto you" he said in a half-whisper, clearly fascinated by the implication of this philisophy.

When the abyss gazes back, it tells us what we're made of, it tells us what we should not become.

"Come on" you placed your left hand on his shoulder, nudging him away "we don't want you to get an adrenaline rush, and before you know it you'll be jumping off"

"I can handle myself very well you know" he protested, you couldnt do anything as he forcefully sat down on the edge.

You sighed, his demeanor arrogant like a kid.

Here lies tonight, I suppose.

You sat down next to him, crossing your leg comfortably, while he dangled his feet off the edge.

Infront of the both of you was the city, stretching across the shore of Yokohama. Moments pass, all you could think of was how beautiful the view is. You thought that perhaps Dazai would feel the same, any human would shudder in awe every once in a while before the mirth of beauty.

Looking into his eyes, the nihilist was still staring at the waters. Eyes distant, nothing new to you, nothing new to him.

He was still as a statue, still focused on the waters, the waves as they ebbed and gently crashed into the wall, making a soothing sound, the wind animating the liveliness of a human being.

Dazai for the most part is unpredictable, but you know better. You know that regardless, humans can't help but make habits; this posture of his, this habit of staring aimlessly is when Dazai contemplates while wearing his nihilistic lenses.

"Look up Dazai, do you not find value in any of that?" you said, pointing your hand, moving it across the horizontal view.

"The world can be beautiful alright"

"Beauty Will Save the World"

The way you spoke seemed philosophical, but in true intent, the purpose behind your stayment was to throw Dazai some candy. He usually refutes optimistic views and hopeful signs. Surely, he was to speak of his own refutation any moment now.

You smiled sub-conciously the moment Dazai spoke, he took the bait by intricately giving away his nihilistic reproach for your statment, and upon noticing that you didn't show any audible reaction, not even a murmur of any sorts, because you'd usually scold his nihilism, Dazai turned his focus from the 'view' to you.

The first thing he saw were both of your hands raised, acting out a mouth like gesture. The second, were your lips unaudibly mouthing the word 'blah blah blah blah' continuously. You are clearly mocking his view, and that smirk of yours gave him a chuckle. He fell for it.

His chest shrinked as he laughed, Dazai does have a thing for when people mock him or contradict him in any 'fascinating' means. He welcomes it from the light side of his heart.

"you little devil!" He pouted sarcastically "not letting me express my extreme complaints and misery towards the dullness of life!" Lightly, he pushed you away with one hand to dispose childlike 'embarssement'.

You chuckled, your tenacity keeping you in place "Oh my bad! Just go ahead with citing the 78th reason of why life sucks and we all should die!"

.

.

.

Dazai met Odasaku three years ago, on the first week, Dazai attempted to murder him. You were confused as to why Oda would help a human who has clearly reached the point of no return in their lack of morality, but suddenly, time passed, things happened and they're both friends.

You weren't forced to befriend Dazai for the mere reason of being Odasaku's friend, the truth is, you saw through Odasaku's lenses and understood. Dazai is just a normal human like any other, and what Odasaku saw in him three years ago was a kid, a Fool, the word Odasaku called him when they first met, a kid, because Osasaku was ashamed when he first smoked infront of Dazai.

Even after masterminding this victory for the mafia, it's as if Dazai couldn't care less, its because. . .

He was yet to find his own victory

the victory he seeks, if he cannot find it in the harshest environments like the mafia, then really, what hope is left?

Being friends with this boy means riding his carrousel of nihilism, you weren't new to the ride, Odasaku wasn't either, in fact, Oda once told you, in his mature state of mind, a piece of advice, a rule to this carrousel.

'Step into his loneliness impolitely'

Any shred of hope that was to be thrown at Dazai will be immediately refuted by his scripted answers of why life was meaningless and death is favourable. Therefore, it is wisest to intrude into his dull chain by force to try and knock him off his feet, it's crucial to hurt his ego.

Luck was on your side when you were able to remember what you brought, your good hand dug into your coat, holding out two boxes. The sound of cloth made his eyes land on your action, you placed one box in his hand.

He tilted the box to read its label, "Apple Juice?" He read out loud and you answered "I owed you a drink, remember?" As long the term drink was vague, you were willing to play around. Besides, you don't consume alcohol anyway, so you bought two apple juice straw boxes from a convenience store beforehand, the juice had animal shapes on them which you thought were cute.

Dazai was familiar with how you treated life so lightly, contrary to his heavy self and timing, nothing bothered you much, and he smiled for that "I'll accept it" he said, piercing the straw in his box.

You did the same, your right hand is now marginally better, atleast holding the juice was possible if it were a delicate action.

The sweet apple juice sent a wave of energy in your body, it was a refresher to have something sweet. Biting the straw, you savoured the drink a little longer.

You couldnt help but stare at him with your peripheral vision, taking friendly notes to his actions, and inevitably your eyes landed on his bruised knuckles once more, curiosity leading you to vocally state "Akutagawa's got the tough kick, huh?"

What you really wanted to say was: When will you ever change your means of teaching?

Odasaku was your mentor, his teachings is all about valuable life lessons. Dazai on the other hands, completely breaks someone and shapes them as he wishes.

"Would you believe me if I said I instead punched a wall twenty times?" He said, without eye contact.

"Not really"

"What if I was training?"

"You don't even think about your physique that much"

"Then, I got my fingers through intentional blunt trauma to induce the pain of a bruised knuckle"

"That's a refreshing way to feel pain, but you don't injure your hands as much as your arms. It becomes inconvenient, you don't wanna be like me" you instinctively tightened your grasp on the box, but it was weak, your hand is still numb.

"The pure disadvantage of having someone that knows you is truly disheartening" he said in a dramatic tone, obviously as a flare to direct the conversation elsewhere.

It simply sucks to be Dazai's apprentice.

Sometimes you forget that within him lies a horrifying nature, and it made you reminisce about the day you became 'friends'. How are you alive truly? You'd have to ask Odasaku later, perhaps he's made the new ground breaking discovery of Dazai's humanity.

Time passes, and a conversation begins:

"Could you tell me about your flower pot?"

"My chamomile pot? Sure, but don't give Chuuya anymore nasty ideas"

"Don't worry, what's the story behind it?"

"it was Oda's suggestion to buy a flower pot in the first place and take care of it, I only figured that chamomile makes great tea, so I started to dry them into my own tea bags"

"And why would Odasaku of all things would tell you to buy a flower pot?"

"He said that making habits will be hard to forget, because it becomes all the more about instinct and muscle memory rather than memory itself. The mentioned habit is obviously taking care of the plant"

There was a lot of time to spare tonight, plenty of it, so much that ten more conversations could be started.

When you offered to summarise a book for him, Divine Commedy, to ignite his interest, his eyes observed you in a specific way, it was an invitation of sorts.

Dazai wanted you to tell the story

and, You didn't hesitate in fueling his undivided attention, as you began to thoroughly explain who the main character Dante is and the grand adventure that he was about to undertake, an adventure through the three kingdoms of the after life. Hell, Purgatory and Heaven, respectively.

"In Heaven, his past lover Beatrice awaits for his arrival whom Dante has been in love with, but couldn't proceed with marriage due to complications. Beatrice died at 25. It's called Divine Commedy because it starts out in the terrible depths of hell and ends in the merry of a love story in heaven"

"To reach heaven, Dante first had to willingly decent to hell and its nine circles, for this journey, he had a companion and guide, Virgil, a roman poet and an idol for Dante whom was a spirit in this story, not human"

"Abandon all hope, ye who enter here" Dazai said, with a dramatic holier-than-thou kind of tone. It seems that he knows part of this story, because these were the words inscribed on the gates of hell. It was apparent that he was bemused by your retelling of the story, especially hell's arc.

"Virgil guided Dante through the nine circles of hell, each circle had some sort of punishment that was meticulously designed for the crimes of each sin. Most philosophers, including Virgil, were in the first circle Limbo. Having not committed sin, they still reside in hell for ignorance, they were only forbidden to see God"

You began to lightly explain the punishment for each sin in each circle, and the historical figures that resided there, then, the arcs of the mountain of purgatory and heaven passed smoothly. When Dante finally reached Heaven, he had the immeasurable opportunity to seek an audience with God, when God asked of Dante's descriptions and own depiction of hell,

"Dante cried out that language alone is uncappable of describing the horrors that traipse in hell, for everything that he's seen shook his will and left gruesome thoughts"

Even for the non-believers, Divine Commedy is a story that could be thought of as an examination of conscience. It's a love story, but it's also about creativity, hate, monstrosity, politics and human sin. Its about a man's self journey, that's why Dazai liked it or so you thought, because if the story was a bad apple, Dazai would have already pointed out the blunt truth, he wouldn't have taken a bite.

After this story, moments followed, some were consumed by silence, others by lively chatter of the ten more conversations.

The Dazai you knew often spoke in pithy, and rarely in sincerity. His actions had the same agenda, heartfelt actions are rare. For Dazai, it doesn't matter, actions don't speak louder than voices. They're both equally null.

Yet, what he did next was sincere, what he said after was his true-self. The side capable of showing 'goodness'.

You felt his touch, his hand above your good hand, the different texture of it being half skin and half bandaged, it was surprisingly warm but not soft to touch. So, you looked at him, but he wasn't there to look back at you.

It didn't last long, only three seconds for him to let go and three more for you to realise his intent. You felt it first in your blood. . .

Something was missing.

"No more using that for the rest of the night"

Dazai has nullified your ability

"Kōyō won't certainly like this" you sighed, a little smile finding it's way on your face. It is what it is for tonight.

"Kōyō is such an annoying woman, I don't like her old fashioned poise" he ranted, then his voice calmed "I'm worried"

"You're what now?" Your heart probably skipped a few beats here, Dazai just expressed worry, and it baffled you.

"At this rate, you're going to forget everything y/n" he smiled unironically, it wasn't a genuine smile. "What's to say you won't forget the basic functions that make your humanity?"

"This gift let's you manipulate others, but it also manipulates you. It makes you ignorant"

"That's how it works. I think it's a fair trade, considering that some of my interrogations resulted in mental disorders to the interrogated- " you said, but he completely disregarded your statmenent, instead going off with his own reasoning and thoughts.

"Odasaku noticed the increasing gaps in your memory, it's not a temporary state of amnesia, once it's gone, it's gone"

"I think I would cry if I forgot that I was searching for meaning, Attempts bound to be futile, an endless paradox of foreseen misery"

"Are you done?" you weren't arrogant when you said that, you know full well the implications of your ability, but having anyone bothered about it is the last thing you wanted.

"Can't believe I actually have someone that 'worries' about me, let alone it's you. We might as well jump from here" you leaned over the edge, dangerously peering down. "Doesn't look to shabby to me"

"You're finally speaking wonderful ideas, tonight doesn't sound bad, although I was planning to drink with Odasaku"

"I was joking executive" you mocked, leaning back, "That was an earful, but I get it, Odasaku was probably the one who motivated you to say this"

"That's not true" he sighed, fixing his eyes at you in a semi-tired look. "I noticed that while we're talking, that you completely forgot that we visited Ango two nights ago" he continued,

"I was surprised that you remembered the IOU's and the drink, maybe I'll always keep you in debt to me somehow since you can't forget favours"

"Changed my mind! I'm jumping"

"Woah not yet! What about the IOU's from two nights ago at Ango's office? Not my fault you forgot about it!"

"You're lying! I would never place myself in debt for you even if I forgot what I did!"

"Alright, you got me" He smiled, "we only discussed the death toll that night"

"I'll keep your consideration in mind Dazai, but, your nullification doesn't last long anyway"

"You're right, the time interval between each nullification is random, but it can be up to an hour in some cases"

"Well then" you held your weight, standing up, "I'll be heading now, you're drinking with Odasaku right? Have fun for me" hands in your pocket, you were prepared for the long walk back. By the time you'd each HQ, the nullification would most likely have worn off.

Dazai didn't reply, but he turned to look at you from his seat and that was the last thing you saw.

No longer than five minutes into the walk between the suburbs, you felt that someone was following you, lurking in the shadows. You didn't bother looking around, because it was painfully obvious who it is. So, you just kept walking. . .

.

.

.

They're still following you

.

.

.

He's still following you

.

.

.

What could he possibly want from you? He's not giving up

.

.

.

"I take it you changed plans with Odasaku?"

You asked, whilist walking, a voice answered right away "Yeah, he's going to spend the night with those Orphans again, by the way, I was sure I tried a different walking pattern"

You laugher echoed in the dark street, "so be it your pacing speed, light or heavy footing, It doesn't matter, I'd stop trying if I were you" you took a stop bellow a street lamp, looking around left and right, in all possible ominous looking zones to determine his whereabouts.

"You never seem to forget how to counter me" He appeared from the cloak of night, walking under the light of the street lamp.

"I remember your footsteps by heart, and unlike mind, the heart never forgets" you gave a wink, and it made him visibly cringe, slumping his shoulder in cowerness "One day, your optimism will be the leading cause of my death"

You both shared a moment of bemusement, untill you asked the question "what brings you here, stalker?"

Dazai enjoyed the insult, approaching you slowly in an ominous, anticipatory manner. You stood still to entertain him, and once he got close. .

"Tag!"

He pinched a lose strand of your hair lightly with a wide smirk on his face, sneakily nullifying you once more in a simple tag game.

"Why you!" You giggled as you 'attempted' to tag him back, but without a right hand in the cause, it was a little more difficult. Dodging you was a no-brainer from Dazai, his swift calculated steps successfully evaded him from your touch.

In your attempt, he managed to touch you, skin to skin once more by your left hand.

"I win again~"

You gave up, delivering to him this mini-victory to claim. "Alright fine, you win"

"One to Zero, onto the next round, in abooout- twenty minutes"

You punched him pathetically with your right hand, for accuracy and in order to actually land the hit, in his shoulder, it sent a small wave of pain in your injury which you completely disregarded.

"That was uncalled for!" He pouted, rubbing his shoulder dramatically, in an act of pain.

"What do you mean more games?!"

"My nullification only lasts less than an hour, remember? I think we need around thirty games of tag for tonight"

It was at that moment you realised, the executive isn't going to let you go off the hook, Oh boy, it's going to be a looong night of tag games, might as well give in and Kōyō be damned. Maybe tonight was a good night to rest, just like how Odasaku is going to spend his time with the Orphans.

That thought, sincerely, make you smile.

"Tag"

you booped his nose with one of your fingers, and he let you.

"You're it"

-end

That night, Dazai basically annoyed the living hell out of Kōyō by intentionally nullifying you untill sunrise.

I like to imagine that a couple of days later, Dazai gives you a leather notebook to keep in your cabinet. He encouraged you to write your memories down, for Odasaku's sake.

_________________________________________

A/N: Thank you for reading! Bellow are parts of the fanfic that can be traced to actual philisophy! Read at your own interest~

Philosophy Citations:-

"Beauty Will Save the world"

• The Philisophy of Fyodor Dostoevsky even after facing plenty of short-comings in life, and writing literary masterpieces that cover the warnings of nihilism, his own miserable life experiences and humanity's dark nature. (and many more. . .) Yet, Fyodor had a hopeful vision, the beacon of beauty in humanity's darkest hours.

"Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”

• a quote from Friedrich Nietzsche, a German philisopher, during his time he thought a lot about the concept of 'Übermensch' or Super Man, it was his philisophy that a man should completely affirm to life to become someone who has the ability to determine their circumstances, their values, their beautiful strides and ultimately fulfill their potential to become who they truly are.

"Divine Commedy"

• a literary work by Dante Alighieri, an intalian/roman philisoper, he despised many political figures including popes and traitors for their corruption, he got exiled from his home town Florence for charges of 'corruption', leading to the writing of this book. It includes his view of who resides in hell, past historical figures and corruption makers of his life time, as well as those who reside in heaven, all in the context of a man's journey in discovering himself through the three kingdoms of the afterlife.

"Abandon all hope, ye who enter here!"

[manifestmerlin]

Tequila’s Codename (Also he’s Mizuki actually)

Hey remember when I made that post about writing meta Tequila choosing his code name after the primary export of a city he loves and hates in equal measure? Well that’s this I’m writing this now. With additional meta about Mizuki because despite never really interacting they’re actually pretty well linked thematically. (And Mizuki despite not appearing much in the story is also linked to it thematically but that’s a separate essay) (Also maybe some this will all be obvious??? But I haven’t seen anyone talking about it so...) Also this is under a read more because it got longer than I thought it would be,

SO! Ernesto Salas AKA Operator Tequila, everyone’s favorite manwhore golden retriever arms dealer one-time terrorist! Before getting to his code name I think it’s important to cover the Mizuki stuff: other than just being a cute jellyfish eldritch monster Mizuki is SUPER moon themed, his name means ‘beautiful moon’, he’s based on a moon jelly, and his final unlocked skill is ‘moon in the water’. The latter of which ties into his other main theme of illusions.

But where this directly ties to Tequila is that dogboy over here is SUPER sun themed. Other than just being a golden retriever he’s overall designed with a lot of brighter colors and a more summer appropriate outfit compared to Mizuki, and his E2 art has a big lens flare at the top from the sun, (He’s literally also just got ‘sunshine’ on his shorts which is you know kind of obvious)

Most interestingly though is his conversation with La Pluma in DH-ST-2, about why Dossoles is called that. They bring up that it’s called the city of two suns, and that the first is the sun in the sky, and the second is the sun in the water. Which is a pretty obvious parallel, and the implication?

Tequila and Mizuki are thematic foils for each other. In one way they represent their respective heavenly body in the water.

Mizuki the partial(?) seaborn has all the mystery of the moon but without the substance, he doesn’t make ANY attempt at acting normal, he outright says he’ll eat people on live TV and has to be told not to expose himself to his teammates by Doctor.

And Tequila the dpilomat has all the beaming charisma of the sun on the outside and yet the moment the gig is up he drops the act, and he’s anything but cheerful and sunny internally given the whole ex-child soldier with a dead mom and daddy issues who’s all in on arms dealing even after he joins rhodes island. (Also stated explicitly in his promotion record right at the start.)

But more importantly, they’re thematic foils in their motivations. Mizuki is someone who comes off as not being fully understanding or caring about the meaning of his actions, but is 100% behind them.

He is ALL in on culling evildoers to protect everything else:

 even while not really understanding what makes someone bad, or why dealing with bad guys is good other than that it helps the people he likes.

Tequila by contrast is the exact opposite, Tequila is completely on board with and understands why his Dad hates Candela and Dossoles, it’s a city who only exists because the rest of Bolivar has gone to shit, and who exists to let people pretend like that hasn’t happened.

BUT Tequila is not so confident in whether his anything should actually happen as a result. He does help his father with the whole plot, but his family doesn’t think he actually wants to, in ST-2 again La Pluma states she doesn’t know why he’s helping overthrown Candela, she never thought he would (to which he states she has good intuition) and in ST-3 Pancho says that he doesn’t want to do it but he is anyways.

We later learn from him that working under Candela gave him a new perspective, on hos his father was fighting for some abstract idea of ‘Bolivar�� without an actual vision of what that would be, compared to Candela who had a very clear vision of what Bolivar could be without actually caring about Bolivar itself.

The reason he’s helping is to decide which is right, his father or Candela. And he ultimately winds up going with the latter (presumably since his dad did wind up failing and that’s what he said would decide it, and in the final cut scene he says he can’t help but feel some legitimacy of the city even while knowing what it’s built on top of) This leads him to join Rhodes Island with Ch’ens recommendation. 

This parallel with Mizuki also remains, Mizuki joined Rhodes Island to meet more ‘good people’ like Ch’en, and thereby learn more about good and bad people. Meanwhile given the flashback to her words just before he knocked her out, Tequila was very inspired by Ch’ens resolve (or maybe we could also call it stubbornnes).

Sooo finally back to the point of the post, WHY THE ALCOHOL! Tequila is the specific Dossoles export he mentions as being available all over the place, separately from sugar and coffee. Hoshiguma also mentions seeing Dossoles Tequila in Lungmen, which means it’s safe to say it’s sort of the representation of the city in a lot of ways, like Georgia peaches. So on one hand the choice of the name Tequila signals his shift in allegiance towards Candela and Dossoles,

But it also AGAIN ties into his role as the sun in the water, he’s taken on the name of the flashy symbol of Dossoles directly after losing his actual government position there as a diplomat. 

And it ALSO ALSO ties into his motivations for joining Rhodes Island... like kind of. More of an after thought really, he values Ch’ens resolve and alcohol like, lowers your inhibitions. Also he knows how to mix drinks. Anyways thanks for coming to my tedtalk on why Mizuki and Tequila better be relevant in the same event again because god damnit the PARALLELS

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

Cult Girl: Doctorate (Hannibal x Female!Reader) pt. 9

Fun fact: when I was like eight I got an ultrasound done on my chest because of some non-descript heart anomaly. Got to miss a day of school and everything. 

Anyway, on the day of cult girl’s twenty week anatomy scan, Hannibal has second thoughts about putting the baby up for adoption.

@wisesandwichshark

Trigger warnings: pregnancy and lactation, medical examination

It was a small victory, but a much-needed one.

You kept in close touch with Max and Archie over the next few, crucial weeks. Before you knew it, your first trimester ended. You tried your best to push all worries about your rapidly changing body aside, in favor of your studies. To a point, it worked. You cranked out a few research papers and kept up on your reading, but not as efficiently as you may have wanted. Your body was operating at 100% all the time and you felt like an overheated laptop with the fan running at top speed.

The morning of your twenty-week checkup arrived far quicker than you hoped. You were noticeably pregnant, having put on a good ten extra pounds to support your passenger.

Your phone alarm sounded, telling you to greet the day. You'd been in and out of an uncomfortable state of half-consciousness all night.

"Good morning, my goddess." Hannibal cooed in his admittedly very sexy morning voice. He turned on his side and faced you.

Seeing him with bedhead was definitely the best part of waking up. But the delight quickly faded when you tried to turn on your side and realized you couldn't. You plopped back onto your back, seriously considering if any amount of money was worth this.

"Don't patronize me." You pouted, folding your arms.

"Patronize you?" He chuckled, pulling you into him. "Now why on earth would I do that?"

He cupped your head in his hand and stroked your cheek. "The most divine woman in the world is carrying my baby."

Before you could say anything, he brought his lips to yours. His other hand ran down your body, tracing the outline of your firm, round belly.

"And what an honor-" He whispered, weaving his fingers through your hair. "To have Venus herself descend from Olympia to carry my child."

You didn't want to unpack what he was saying. All you knew was you liked it. Your aches seemed to melt away under his touch and your worries dissipated with every word.

"My breasts are so swollen and heavy." You complained. "And they ache so much."

"Is that so?" Hannibal smiled hungrily and propped himself up on his elbows above you. "Well, what is to be done about that, Mrs. Lecter?"

You unbuttoned your pajama shirt, revealing your significantly larger breasts. You blushed and instinctively covered yourself.

Hannibal chuckled and effortlessly pulled your hands off your chest. He lowered his face to where your neck meets your shoulder and took a deep breath in. A pair of warm, gentle hands cupped your breasts.

"You're starting to produce." He observed, a little smile creeping on his face.

Before you could really register what he meant by that, his thumb began to stimulate your swollen nipple. A small drop of milk leaked out, dampening his finger. All you could do was turn red and whimper in embarrassment.

He brought his finger to his lips and tasted it.

"It's a bit thin, but my goodness, it's sweet." He said, as nonchalantly as if he were sampling ice cream.

"Only the best for our baby." You said.

That caught him off guard in the best way. Whether you were playing along or feeling genuinely maternal, he didn't care. He wasn't going to pass up an opportunity to gratify his crippling desire to feel like a father.

"Fuck, [F/N]." He cursed, looking at your protruding belly with awe. Not awe, but worship.

He cleared his throat, chasing away any strong emotions he may have let reveal themselves. "Never mind. Let's get ready to go to the doctor."

You swung your legs over the bed. "What's wrong?"

"Absolutely nothing, my darling." Hannibal said, lying professionally. "Everything is wonderful."

You push yourself to your feet and follow him into the bathroom. "Hannibal, please."

He turned around and leaned against the sink. "It's nothing that concerns you, love. Don't worry about it."

You folded your arms. "You don’t need to be a doctoral candidate to recognize deflection."

"So you don't." Hannibal said. "Darling, please understand that I have your best interests at heart. Even if it is at the expense of my desires."

"I see what this is." You nodded. "You want to keep the baby, don't you?"

"I didn't know how much I wanted a child until now." He admitted.

"But you know the emotional and physical toll it'll take on me." You finished.

"I don't know, actually." He corrected, face contorting with frustration. "Thus the basis of my hesitation. There are so many facets of life that can be molded to one's liking, but parenting-"

"I get it." You sighed. "So many things could go wrong, or right, and either way it would throw me off track."

"If I could relieve you of all of the burden of parenting this child, allowing you to step away and finish your schooling unfettered with domestic duties, I would." He said. "But if we're being honest, it's not like you would let me."

"Ruth Bader Ginsburg studied law at Harvard while taking care of a baby." You offered. "And her sick husband."

"I have no doubts in my mind that it is possible, nor that you're capable, darling." He assured you. "But I would never forgive myself if I let you burn yourself out before you even get a chance to take off."

"Okay, look." You took a deep breath. "Let's see what the obstetrician says, assess the risks, weigh the pros and cons and talk to Max and Archie. We will figure this out."

You were counting on the assumption that going for your twenty-week checkup would scare you out of any desires to keep the baby. They often did. The more time you spent with an ultrasound wand in your vagina, the more you became convinced that you'd become implanted with an alien parasite determined to destroy you from the inside.

"Good morning, Dr. And Mrs. Lecter." The obstetrician greeted you as she always did. You hadn't bothered to correct her to save yourself an awkward conversation. "Here for our twenty-week ultrasound, are we?"

"No, I'm here for the taco truck in the parking lot." You said, half-jokingly. The other half was thinking about tacos. "I just thought I'd lay down on this surgical table for fun."

"Good to see you're still hanging on to your sense of humor, [F/N]." She smirked. "Should we take a look under the hood?"

You fought the overwhelming urge to smack your belly like a car salesmen and say "this bad boy can fit so many fetuses in it". But given that there was only one fetus, that would be inaccurate.

The doctor emptied a tube of extra-freezing gel onto your stomach and readied the ultrasound wand. "Have you been feeling any kicks, Mrs. Lecter?"

You shrugged. "Maybe? I wouldn't know what that would feel like so I don't know."

She smiled warmly. "Trust me, you'll know. But don't worry about it. First pregnancies tend to take their time. When you have your next children, it will happen much faster."

"I think you mean," Hannibal said, voice hardening. "If she decides to have more children. Let's not be presumptuous."

The doctor noticed her mistake. "My apologies, Mrs. Lecter. I didn't mean to assume."

You kept your eyes on Hannibal, too afraid to look at the screen as the doctor searched around for a clear image. 

“Oh my goodness, here it is!” She exclaimed with an ear-to-ear grin. 

It took you a minute to make out exactly what she was pointing to. It looked more like a fucked-up Rorschach test than anything resembling a person. You didn't want to say it out loud, but she sensed your confusion.

"This big round part is the head." She said, pointing to the opposite end of the screen. "There's its spine, and there are its little hands and feet."

It hit you all at once. There was a person growing inside of you. And it had limbs, bones and a brain. You finally had the answer to the question "how did something come from nothing". It was right there in front of you.

"Wow." You said, dumbfounded. "My body made that?"

"Amazing, isn't it?" The doctor smiled, clearly still as enamored with her job as she was on day one.

"And it made that without my brain even thinking about it." You continued, trying not to go into a ramble. "That's actually pretty insane."

"I told you that you're a goddess." Hannibal whispered into your ear. "My divine feminine."

"Would you like to know the sex?" She asked. 

“Sure.” You said, without really thinking about it. You looked back at Hannibal, who seemed pretty indifferent too. 

“Congratulations, you’re having a girl.” 

[bbrandy2002]

Little Shit:

Part 1: Wrapped Around A Finger

This is for week 96 of @wackydrabbles prompt: I can't -- I have a deadline. Prompt will be in bold.

Okay, so I couldnt fit all of this into the 2000 word limit and had to break it up and didn't have the heart to cut.

@kingliam2019​ you made a request for a Little Shit story on New Year’s Eve and it only took 5 months to come up with something, so this one is for you.

If you're unfamiliar with the Little Shit series (because it has been over a year since I wrote anything for it) Nikolas is Liam and Riley's 5 year old mischievous son who just can't help from wreaking havoc, especially toward Drake. He enjoys getting a rise out of him even if he does love his Uncle ... for the most part.

Warning: Crude Language. Mention of Covid and vaccinations.

Word count: 1928

-----------------------

Returning from the stables one afternoon, Drake was stopped at the palace door by security -- again -- for not wearing the required mask to enter.

“Mr. Walker, I’m afraid you need to have a mask on before I can allow you inside. I have to tell you this every day.”

“That because I fucking live here,” Drake grumbled as he snagged the offered surgical mask from the guard. 

“Not in the common areas, Mr. Walker.”

“You know this whole virus thing is just a conspiracy and Liam is using it to control all of us, right? He’s gone mad. This shit’s never gonna end.”

“I understand, sir.” The guard waited patiently as Drake begrudgingly slipped the mask over his face. “Perhaps, though, there is an alternative, one where you wouldn’t have to wear one anymore. They’re offering free vaccines in room 105 today. If you get the shot, you won’t need to wear a mask when you come inside,” the guard cajoled.

Drake let out a humorless laugh.“I’m sure that’s exactly what Liam wants: make a guinea pig out of me. Pump me full of that radioactive shit and in five years I’ll have a tail growing out of my face. No thanks.” Drake disregarded the information and moved past the man.

“But, sir .. .they’re giving away bottles of whiskey to the first 100 recipients. Last I heard, they were close to reaching that number. Top of the line stuff too.”

Drake turned on the heel of his work boots, glaring back, before asking skeptically. “Whiskey? They’re giving away alcohol to get this damn shot?” The guard nodded in response.

“Glenfiddich -- 1955, I believe. The King paid for it himself.”

Drake’s eyes widened in disbelief. “That’s a $90,000 bottle! And they’re just giving them away if you get this shot?”

“I … um … yes. His Majesty wants to reward those who are doing their part to create a healthier and safer Cordonia. He won’t rest until every last citizen is vaccinated from this dreaded virus. We can all fight this … together. What do you say, Mr. Walker? Will you help stop the spread?”

“For a $90,000 bottle of whiskey? Hell yeah! I’ll grow two tails out my heads for -- hold on a damn minute …” Drake burrowed his eyes into the guard who was sweating bullets, desperate for him to leave. “Where the hell is Nikolas at? This whole thing reeks of him..” Drake’s eyes began darting around the perimeter in a feverish search for the little prince’s battery operated car. “That little shit is blackmailing you, isn’t he? I should have known.”

The guard straightened and answered in a solemn tone, “I’m a serious professional, Mr. Walker. And I take your accusations of being anything but, demeaning to the loyalty and oath I’ve given to the Crown. How dare you stand there --”

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to suggest otherwise.” Drake ran a hand down his weary face in frustration. “It’s just that kid is the bane of my existence. I’ve had a long, hard day at work and I’m in no mood for his fucking stunts.”

The guard waved him off. “Nah, don’t worry about it. I’ve heard all about the stuff he’s pulled on you.” He leaned in closer and spoke in a hushed tone, “Between you and me, he’s a little pain in my ass too; always coming down here acting like he runs this place. If you ever need help teaching that kid a lesson, I’d be happy to help.”

Drake arched a brow. “Loyalty to the crown, huh?” The man regarded that retort with an awkward shrug. “Yeah, he needs his ass busted, that’s for sure. Liam thinks he just needs a little more love. I’d like to show him the Bianca F. Walker way of love.” He slammed his hands together.

The guard chuckled. “I’m with you on that. He needs something done; he’s out of control … Anyway, you should probably head on up there and get your shot -- and whiskey -- before they’re all out. I wish I’d have waited to get mine until today.”

Twisting his face in doubt, Drake walked around the corner and leaned up against the wall as he pulled out his phone. Something just didn’t feel right, and he determined the safest thing to do was shoot off a quick text to his best friend.

Drake: Liam, are you really giving away Glenfiddich, 1955, to get the Covid vaccine?

He waited a brief moment until a response came through; he looked down at his phone and read:

Liam: Yes.

Drake: Is that all you have to say about that?

Liam: Yes.

Liam: I am in meeting for Cordonia.

Drake tilted his head to the side and scratched at it as he stared at the odd message. He typed out another response.

Drake: What kind of meeting for Cordonia? And with who?

Liam: Top secret. Can't tell you.

Drake: Uh-huh. Where’s Nikolas?

Liam: With Riley and baby in Vallteria

Liam: Shit. Valtoria

Drake: What’s the capital of the United States?

Liam: Damn it Drake I’m in a meeting!

Drake: Then hurry up and answer

Liam: Washington D.C.

Drake: Who shot me at the costume ball?

Liam: You son of a bitch. IM IN A MEETING!

Drake let out a heavy groan and decided to just call Riley. He knew without a doubt Nikolas took Liam’s phone again. If he called Riley, though, there was no way the boy could pretend he was her.

Picking up almost instantly, Riley answered cheerfully, “Hello. Queen Riley speaking.”

“Riley, it’s Drake. I was just wondering if you and Liam were really giving away whiskey for getting this shot? Sounds a little fishy to me.”

There was a moment of silence, then a clicking noise, followed by a long beep, before Riley replied. “Yes. We. Are. Giving. Away …. Whiskey. Get.The.Shot.Drake.”

“The hell is wrong with your voice?”

“I.Am.In.Valtoria.”

“Riley, why the fuck are you enunciating every word?”

“I. Have. A. Cold. And. Must.Talk.Slow. Nikolas.Is.With.Me. And. I. Must. Get ... Going. Bye. Drake ...You. Ass. Hole.” 

Drake rolled his eyes and slipped the phone in his back pocket. “He’s got her phone, too. Damn that evil-ass kid.” He hesitantly made his way down to room 105; it wouldn’t hurt anything just to open the door and see if there was anything legit about this. As he approached, a lovely lady he knew from the kitchen exited with a big smile on her aging face and a bottle she cradled in her arms; he recognized it almost instantly as the Glenfiddich.

“Miss Milly,” Drake greeting kindly and held the door open for her. “You’re looking as lovely as ever.”

“Oh, you.” She laughed bashfully in her grandmotherly voice as she stepped into the corridor. “You’re always flirting with me, Drake. One of these days, I’m going to make you take me out on a date, buy me dinner, and give me a peck on the cheek at the end of the night.” 

Drake smiled back fondly at her. “You just tell me when, Miss Milly, and I’m there.” He motioned to the bottle in her hand. “Say … couldn’t help but notice that bottle of whiskey you’re carrying around; where’d you get that at? That brand doesn’t come cheap.”

“Ohhh, I know. But I heard they were giving shots in that room right there.” She pointed with a crooked finger. “And they said I was the 99th person to stop by, and gave this to me after getting my shot. I couldn’t believe my luck. And they only have one bottle left. I can finally put my grandson through college.” 

“That’s great! And you said there is still one more bottle left?”

She nodded her head. “Yes. But you better hurry. One of the chefs is on his way here for a shot as well.”

Drake hurriedly kissed her on the cheek and opened the door. Thank you, Miss Milly!” He stepped inside, then stopped and whipped his head back out the door. “Milly, wait. Have you seen Prince Nikolas today?”

“Yes, he left with the Queen after breakfast this morning. I believe they mentioned going to Valtoria.”

Drake rubbed his hands together anxiously and thanked her. He’d known the cook for years, she’s the sweetest person he knew. There was no way she would cover for Nikolas, and Drake couldn’t imagine the boy would have any dirt to hold over her head.

When the door shut, Nikolas grinned mischievously from a dark alcove where he was parked in his black 12V Mercedes Benz S63. “This is the day I’ve been waiting for.”

He set his laptop and both parents' phones in the passenger seat and slowly pulled out. He paid $100 to Milly and asked her to put the bottle back in his father’s liquor cabinet and rolled a few paces to room 105.

======

After filling out medical forms, the palace doctor ushered Drake behind a curtain where a long rectangular table and folding chair sat. Taking the seat, Drake watched the doctor slip on a pair of gloves and pull a small tube of lube out of his lab coat pocket. Drake furrowed his brows in confusion. “Heh. What’s the lube for?” he chuckled lightly. “I’m just here for a shot, man. Nothing else is going in me.”

“Just relax, Mr. Walker. It’s all part of the process.” A squirt of clear liquid was squeezed onto the doctor's two gloved fingers as he held them up. “On your medical forms you denied having a physical exam in the past year. I just need to do a quick exam and check for rectal polyps.”

Drake started laughing in amusement, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “You’ve got to be shittin' me. So let me get this straight. I can’t get a shot until you stick your fingers in my ass to check for ‘polyps?’ Yeah, that’s happening. What a bunch of horse malarky.”

The doctor let out an annoyed huff. “I see you didn’t read over the information forms. They never do,’ he mumbled. “Look, if you want me to wait here all day while you figure out what to do, I can’t -- I have a deadline to finish here. Now if you’ll move along, I have another patient waiting; you’re free to go.”

And Drake knew he was. But that expensive bottle of Glenfiddich was calling his name. He glanced over to that one last beautiful bottle sitting atop a desk on the far side of the room, calling his name. Selling it for even half of what it was worth would afford him enough to move the hell out of the palace and get the freedom from Nik he desired. Rubbing a hand over the scruff on his chin, Drake's timid gaze turned from the bottle to the doctor. He could handle a finger or two in ass for a few seconds if t made him $90,000 richer. 

“Okay. What do I need to do?”

Nikolas quietly typed on the keyboard of his laptop from the opposite side of the curtain. The images from the hidden cameras plastered on the wall where Drake was seated popped into view on his screen. Feeding a link to, and overriding the broadcast feed at the CBC, Nik crouched down low and waited with little beady eyes for the exam to begin. “Perfect ...Okay, Doc, let’s see if you can get a hole in one.”

----------

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[kamyru]

A wonderful dad (Takado x MC)

There’s an old idea of mine of writing about a Voltage Inc character who is a single parent. Have no idea why, but Takado is one of the first men I thought about when I decided to finally write it. Hope you’ll like it. Enjoy! ❤️ 

Word counting: 1264

Takado was in a hurry. He tried to make MC shut up, but she had too many questions. She was following him everywhere and he had no idea how to get rid of her. He looked pleadingly at Kasumi. The cardiologist understood him immediately and gave MC some work to free Takado so he could escape. Before the orthopedist left, Kasumi gave him a bag with something heavy in it.

“That’s from the entire EICU. Give it to him. Hope he’ll like it.”

Takado smiled awkwardly and finally went home. It took MC some time to understand that he evaporated.

“Where’s Takado?” she suddenly asked, making everyone look at her. “He doesn’t usually leave so early.”

“Is his kid’s birthday, so he had a short day,” muttered Kyogoku as a matter of fact.

“His kid? That’s cute. I didn’t think he is the type to call his pet a kid.”

The doctors looked at each other and then at MC. They really wanted to laugh at the stupid situation they just witnessed, though their faces were as plain as stones.

‘Lost case’ wrote Ekuni on his board and buried his face in the cushions.

“No... He has the kind of kid that appears from a human spermatozoon and an ovule. You know?” continued Sen annoyed.

“WHO’S S...”

But MC couldn’t finish the sentence, because Kasumi intervened with the explications. His voice was harsh enough to make everyone understand that they have to give up on that subject and return to what they were doing.

“Takado has a son. He is his father. Ask him yourself if you want to find more.”

MC stayed in the middle of the room for some minutes straight. Why was it the first time she heard about that? How he manages to be a parent and a busy surgeon? What kind of person is his wife? Did his child took after him? So many questions, so few answers.

Though, the next day dissipated the darkness a little bit. Takado came to work with the little boy following him.

The moment he entered the office, his son greeted everyone and thanked them for the books and the puzzle they gave him. He even brought the five-hundred pieces puzzle with him to entertain himself while his dad was busy.

He chose the place where he wanted to play and sat there in silence. The dad, however, looked sheepishly at his colleagues and muttered:

“His mom is on a work trip. I couldn’t leave him alone.”

The last one to enter the office was MC. She was supposed to have the weekend free, Though, taking into consideration the workload they had the entire week, she had to come. She stopped before reaching her chair, seeing Baby-Takado.

The boy looked at her questioningly and finally smiled.

“Who are you? I haven’t seen you here before.”

“I’m a resident at orthopedics. Dr. Takado is my preceptor.”

“So you’re MC! My dad told me about you. I’m Ren Takado. I’m so happy to finally meet you. Even my mom heard about your skills. She is a paramedic here.”

Slowly, MC’s head turned to Takado. He expected her to be surprised, but didn’t have the guts to face her. So, he looked away to not meet her gaze.

Lately, everyone could observe how close MC grew with Takado. She started to understand his way of working. Seeing his son made her understand that he never ever would be able to hurt a child, or any other patient, without trying to find the best way to act.

“You’re definitely more talkative than your father,” she sat near him to see what he was doing. “Your birthday was yesterday? Happy birthday, even if I am late. How old are you?”

“Eleven,” answered the child whose attention was now on the puzzle.

MC nearly choked. She even needed her fingers to calculate how old was Takado when his son was born. She looked at the dad again. He understood what was on her mind. This time, instead of ignoring her, he was very amused when she learned that at her age, he was already a dad of a two years old boy. He couldn’t stop himself from giggling at the expressions she was making.

“I see you have too much free time,” said Kasumi.

MC cleared her throat and reached for the papers she had to complete. The time flew fast. She got disturbed only by Takado’s voice. She didn’t hear him talking so softly in the past.

“Are you hungry, Ren?”

“No. I want to finish this firstly.”

The boy managed to do only a quarter of the puzzle and it didn’t seem to be finished in less than three hours.

“I have an operation in two hours. You have to eat before I start it. So, let’s go.”

Ren obeyed and left his chair. The moment he reached the doorknob, Takado turned back and looked at MC.

“We have an operation to do. You can’t die of hunger in the middle of it. Come with us.”

MC was startled. She felt a little to interfere between them. Though, she couldn’t resist the possibility to ask Takado a few questions.

Ren was walknig faster than Takado and MC. Having both of his parents working in a hospital, he already knew the place as well as the doctors.

“You can ask anything you want,” said Takado, waiting for an infinite amount of questions to fall on him.

“I don’t want to rub a sensible wound,” whispered MC, even if she had so much in her mind.

“I was in the last year of medical school,” started Takado. “My girlfriend was two years younger than me. And... You know, there’s nothing in this world that gives you 100% safety. So... Here’s Ren... His mom said that she can’t give up on her dreams just because of him. Of course, she visits him and participates in his life. But he still lives with me and I’m responsible for everything that happens to him...”

“You’re a wonderful dad, Dr. Takado.”

“Hope so...” whispered the orthopedist.

When they reached the cafeteria, the boy was already talking with the cook. That moment, something clicked inside MC’s head. Ren’s features, his personality... He was living with his father, but everyone in the hospital could easily guess who was his mother. The similarities were too obvious. She thought about Takado’s feelings. He had to have good relationships with Ren’s mother, because of the little boy. Though, it didn’t mean that it was something easy.

“Don’t worry about me. I’m alright. I am used to everything. Too much time already passed,” whispered the doctor.

When they finally started to eat, MC felt Ren’s gaze on her.

“You’re really cute. Just as dad said. Do you like him? Because I think he likes you. Be kind to dad. He is my favorite father, even if I have just one.”

MC started to laugh and looked at Takado. He was as red as a tomato, trying very hard to find something to make his son stop talking. However, it was his fault that he told him so much.

“I’ll be good to your father. I promise,” she smiled.

“Then I’ll try to like you.”

Takado was too happy to face them. Near him was sitting the person he loved and will love forever. In front of him was the woman who stole his heart, but still had no idea about his feelings. Knowing that both these people are starting to get along was melting his heart and giving him high hopes.

[raguna-blade]

So i’ve had this floating in my head for a while and well...There’s going to be some obvious straightforward “That’s absolutely not what they intended, I can’t envision it as a thing cause I mean it’s that.”

But I wanna talk about the way the gacha mechanics reflect on the story of Arknights.

So here’s the thing. It’s all about trust. Literally it’s all about trust. One of the things that Arknights makes really clear in it’s story is that there is a very very real problem with people just taking things on faith and listening to each other. The big central conflict, as of now, with the issues between the infected and the non? All of it is based on a massive breach of trust because the infected to a man know that the uninfected are going to make their lives a living hell, even if they’re a model citizen. Hell even if they’re part of the big wig nobility upper class it’s basically a crapshoot if catching the in game plague is going to torpedo you to the depths of the pecking order and ruin your life or “merely” have you waste away from a degenerative disease that causes rocks to grow out of your skin, is horrifically painful, and can cause wild and terrifying super powers that can have you control temperatures wildly, suddenly start reading peoples minds, or create a horde of zombies (although admittedly these require training to use, let alone use in combat but it does seem true that the powers kinda work without it albeit probably much worse)

So trust is a big thing here obviously, and that leads me to the next point.

The Doctor is the sketchiest motherfucker I have ever seen in my life. They’re this mysterious person wrapped up in a coat that exposes exactly none of their body, they down sanity potions like water, they’re a super tactical genius the likes the world hasn’t seen, and also save for your scary Medicine Boss Lady and Their Adopted Kid (who runs your hospital knight order) nobody knows anything about them at all.

And the few people who DO know the doctor from the past seem keen to stay the hell away from him (excluding Boss Bunny, which actually considering what the Doctor was like right before their amnesia should PROBABLY be more concerning?)

And the last point before I start tying this all together, from all indications story wise? Any and all Operators that you choose to use are already there. They’re already working with or are a part of Rhodes Island proper. They’re in the background sure and they may not know the doctor personally but they are already there is the important thing.

Barring certain event characters tied to certain events they’re already part of Rhodes Island in some way.

Which leads me to my little gacha connection.

The Gacha here indicates a willingness to trust the Doctor (and perhaps if we’re gonna dive into this further, a broader connection and willingness to support RI’s cause, and an active display of trust because you know this dude is going to be sending you into a combat zone. In a story where people sometimes just hot die because sorry bro it’s a war story at least in part)

Now i’ll admit the specifics of the gacha don’t work for this perfectly because you’re calling back the same people sometimes which has weird implications (although I think you could chalk it up to doctor getting to better know people and how to pull the very best out of them if we wanna keep the story mechanic connection strong.) There’s only so much you can do with what is mechanically just rolling the dice a bunch...

Except...The Pity Mechanics have neat little implications too! There’s the Guaranteed 5/6 Star mechanic, as well as the guaranteed 6 star after I think it was 100 Rolls, as well as the Guaranteed Limited Character when you roll 300(???) times on their banner.

And Recruitment via the papers works here too.

One sec lemme order the thoughts a bit better

The Headhunting and Recruitment Rolls are, in universe terms, a character actively signing on to work with the Doctor Specifically, as well as signing on fully with Rhodes Islands objectives and ideals. It's not enough to have a business deal with them for treatment of you or your people. It's not enough to have a roof over your head. It's not enough to simply have another place to fight, or access to the person you want to fight.

You are trusting this mysterious no face no history manipulator to put you into combat situations with utter monsters and you're trusting them to either see you through it alive (which is a thing they're eeriely good at) or at least to have your death really tangibly mean something (also something in short supply on Terra). You're trusting this organization that simultaneously wants to heal the world of a horrifying disease, protect those who are infected, and also seemingly really make the world a better place (fat chance)

Not to mention the counseling the Doctor also seems to provide which you know...

That's absurd. It's insane.

And it's reflected in both Rarity Level, as well as the manner of recruitment.

Tag Recruitment pulls mostly from a pool of people already associated with Rhodes Island, with the vast majority being low level recruits. Basically all of 3* and below come from RI, and of 4* up only about half do.

That is to say, using the method that costs you the least amount of money and effort (Originium is, in universe, actually pretty valuable and useful if also you know the source of the plague) most of the people that you can actually recruit already sign on to RI's whole thing for one reason or another and everyone else is there for a variety of other reasons.

The people recruited are also generally unskilled, owing to largely being newbies or generally just not being super tough, but then this also plays into it.

RI is in general, or at least ideally anyway, a Hospital First and Military anything a distant second. Ideally, but it doesn't necessarily play out that way (or at least we as players don't get to see it, and there does seem to be a general work if you want treatment but the portrayal so far scales the work to what you can do. Kids gotta work too but for them it's like...Make some Origami, play and go to school and that's your work which could be sinister sure but seems mostly not)

But even accepting that conditions for infected are awful basically everywhere, leaving your home is a big ask, and fighting for people who may in fact end up fighting against your home is also a big ask. It's not something you're gonna see low level folks do by and by.

But the people recruitment DOES pick up who are those higher level folks? They're generally sent specifically to Rhodes Island if they didn't come specifically because they're some of the foremost scholars on the subject of Originium Infection and so on. A lot of them don't have a choice.

Understandably, no matter how skilled or powerful or conneted they are they're not gonna wanna work with you or put themselves in danger for no real reason

And then you have the cases of people who are or were leaders in their field, arguable or actual royalty, people who hold massive amounts of power who are just...Not going to trust like that. They're wise to the world, and they know what's up.

That they're also massively personally powerful is perhaps a side effect of being so high up in the ranks because when you have people who can and do hop out of planes for a snazzy entrance with no harm and at least 8 kinds of completely uninfected Juggernaut Nightmares not being absolutely shredded when you're the big leader of a place is a liability.

Which ok that tracks, but Headhunting? Headhunting is where you start finding people like Skadi who are just...Absolute freaks of nature being honest. You start seeing people who have even less reason to want to have anything to do with Rhode Islands, more guarded, more independent, less reason to be actively into RI despite being there (like Popukar who's a kid)

And then you have the limited pool characters like W and Nian who have ample reason to not want to deal with the Doctor or are just kinda bumming around and Could Help but don't want to (with secret implications to being basically a Kaiju)

And getting them is difficult and painful and nearly impossible because they don't WANT to interact with the Doctor or perhaps really want to put the effort in to do anything at all.

All of this I think is pretty sound so far. Generally speaking, higher ranked characters have less need or want to deal with the Doctor and the Larger Rhodes Island, in addition to be just being from other locations entirely.

What I think makes this more interesting though, and continues on the gacha story link is the pity mechanics.

So, going with the idea that recruitment is more or less deciding to interact with the weird person who tries to eat originium slugs(!?) it makes the decision of various high ranked operators deciding yeah you know what I'm going to go talk to this weirdo. A LOT of people seem to trust him and that's perhaps concerning, but also well...It's a lot of people. People I know (in all probability. Especially in the case of banner rolls where there's usually one or two people who know the high rank units), and even then there's some wild folks in there deciding to put their faith in them...And Heck I'm already here so why not.

And of course that feeds into the trust mechanics too mind you. The more a unit is used, the more the doctor is demonstrating their small extension of trust is proven a good decision. The Increasing potentials is understandable as the doctor coming to a greater understanding of the individual (indeed they're all tokens of trust in some way shape or form aren't they? Things that Mean something to the Operator, even if they're implied to be things that they hate to think about or be connected but still unfortunately mean something that they can't let go of). And or, for that matter, the Operator becoming more open around the Doctor. Becoming more willing to show their full strength, and honestly, playing on the trust angle, isn't it interesting that so many of the operators talents don't come into play until they've been upgraded once or even twice? But hey if we look at it through the lens of Do I trust this person, some of these talents suggest really impressive things which maybe you don't want this guy who you barely know but you're at least willing to work with to know just in case it doesn't work out. TO say nothing else of the fact that upgrades COST. It's a massive investment of money time and supplies to get an operator up there.

Which, to come back to gacha and the pity mechanics, for the two limited characters to call for (at maximum mind you. Luck as always is a factor but you know) truly EXCESSIVE amounts of rolls, and rolls that call for you burning a massive amount of supplies? It can read as, honestly, an attempt to reach out to this isolated person. Mind it's just an extension on the pity bit from before, but given the limited nature it could also be read as a “I am trying to get to know you please respond?”

And For Nian and W that may well mean something. It's a degree of effort that could read as interesting and or alarming given their respective personalities and histories.

But well..that's about as far as I can pull this I think. As always there's going to be an aspect of well “it's monetization don't think too hard about this it's for that cold hard cash” which is absolutely and unfortunately true. Still, I think it's interesting that it DOES line up as well as it does here. If it's intentional that's really cool actually but still.

[mrsdr-ethan-ramsey]

God, Have Mercy pt. 3 (Ethan Ramsey x f!MC)

Here is fluffy part threeee! Part 1 and Part 2 are here if you haven’t read them. I hope y’all like it. I’m not sure how I feel about this...kinda just some filler fluff I feel like. Tell me what you think. I have an idea for another part if y’all want more. I’m thinking this’ll get sweeter and spicer until KABOOM smut.

Here’s the song they dance to!

Tag List (Feel free to asked to be added or removed) : @the-soot-sprite @ethandaddyramsey @silverlitskies @trappedinfandoms @samihatuli @sherlockedmcu @marywitchjane @awalker965 @openheart12 @flyawayboo @hatescapsicum @edith-eggs1 @princess-geek @akacalliope @my-heart-beats-for-ya @hipstercoffeeshop @miyakokurono @riverrune @chasingrobbie @sekizincimektup @canthandlechoices @thatysn @virtualrain202 @myusualnerdyself @verachoices @lilyvalentine @infinitiestones​ @junehiratas​ @desmaranji @noboundariesplease​

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x f!MC (Parker Kennedy)

Summary: Ethan and Parker have to attend a gala to help get funding for the hospital and Parker makes sure he doesn’t forgot how she looked in her dress.

Warnings: None I think? 

Word Count: ~3100

As Parker got ready to leave the hospital for the day, a part of her was bubbling with excitement. Tonight Edenbrook was hosting a gala for the rich and famous in the Boston area. The higher up staff members were going to be there to suck up and woo the money straight out of their pockets. Parker was specifically asked to go and stay glued to Ethan’s side so he “plays nice” as Naveen said when he almost begged her to come. She could hardly wait to see the look on his face when he saw the dress she had picked for the evening. He was going to be knocked off his feet, and to make it better she was going to make sure the image lived on on her pictagram account.

Her commute from the hospital to her apartment was quick. She had plenty of time to get ready for the evening. Time to set operation Pictagram into action. Since Ethan decided to actually use his pitacgram to post shirtless photos, Parker decided that she was going to make him regret the game he started. She got ready for the night, and Sienna had happily agreed to take a photo of her in the dress she had picked out. 

“Parker! Your date is here!” Jackie shouted loudly from the kitchen.

Doing one more check in the mirror, Parker grabbed her clutch and exited her room. As she strode confidently to the door, it took everything in her not to swoon. Ethan stood awkwardly in the doorway, her friends hovering around him. His fingers were playing with his cufflinks as he waited for Parker to make her entrance. Ethan stood in her domain in a perfectly tailored tux, and he looked absolutely mouthwatering in it. 

“Thanks for getting the door guys,” Parker said casually as she made her presence known. She felt all eyes on her, but none burned quite as hard on her as Ethan’s.

Sienna gasped. “Parker! You look beautiful!”

“Thank you,” Parker said with a flush, spinning around in the floor length black dress. It was appropriate, but sexy enough to charm men for money and drive Ethan wild. The dress had a solid black short dress underneath it, with a long sleeved sheer cover over it. All of her skin was covered, but all eyes went to her legs that could be seen through the gauzy fabric.

Elijah put a fake glare on his face, “I want her home by 12:30 mister, no later.”

Ethan’s eyes widened, darting away from Parker and towards Elijah. “What?”

“Don’t tease him Elijah,” Parker scolded.

“Ah,” Ethan cleared his throat, “Are you ready Kennedy?”

“Let’s go rob ‘em blind.”

Parker threw a wink at Sienna, before she followed Ethan out the door and to his car. Walking side by side, Ethan glanced down at her and swallowed hard. This night was not going to be as easy as he thought it would be. The sheer black material kissed her skin. He couldn’t help but think that it was worse than her skin being bare. She looked powerful, the thin material flowing around her legs like she was walking on a storm cloud. She was not to be messed with tonight.

“See something you like?” 

Her voice broke him out of his staring, making a slight flush stain his cheeks and neck. “Oh, um, you look decent tonight.”

“I’ll take that compliment,” a wry smile came across her face.

Ethan rolled his eyes as he unlocked his car, helping Parker in before going around to the driver’s side. As he pulled into traffic, he navigated towards the waterfront. 

“You drove in from the bay to pick me up, only to drive back to the bay?”

Ethan's eyes looked over at her where she was grinning. “Don’t think too much about it. Did you want to ride the train in that dress?”

“I could have gotten an Uber.”

“You want to ride with a stranger in that dress?”

“You’re really focused on my dress tonight.”

Ethan mumbled something Parker couldn’t quite hear, but she was sure it was something about her legs. With a satisfied smile on her face, Parker opted to drop the topic and watch the city pass by on their way to the waterfront.

Pulling up in front of the Boston Harbor Hotel, Parker looked over him with wide eyes. “This is where the gala is?!”

“Only the best for Boston’s elite,” Ethan grumbled. 

“Yeah, yeah eat the rich, but it’s still gorgeous.”

“C’mon Kennedy, wipe the drool off your face. You won’t charm anyone ogling at the room.”

Together they exited the car and Ethan passed the keys to the valet. Holding out an arm to his ‘date’ for the night, Parker slid hers through and they walked into the over the top hotel. A worker guided them to the event space where they were let in with a flash of their tickets. The ballroom was lit softly, tables surrounding a dance floor in the middle of the room. The walls were lined with windows, giving a beautiful up close view of the water. High up Doctors, nurses, and nonclinical works mingled around the room chatting up the other guests.

“Ah! Ethan, Parker! I’m so glad you’re here!” Naveen said happily as he made his way towards them.

“Dr. Banerji,” Parker greeted with a warm smile.

“Naveen.”

“Now Parker,” Naveen started, turning towards her, “I expect you to stay by his side all night. Keep an eye on him. You know how he can get.”

Ethan grumbled while Parker let out a giggle. “You have nothing to worry about. I’ll keep him on his best behavior.”

“Good. Then go ahead and mingle.”

Ethan and Parker started making a round around the room. Ethan didn’t do much talking unless it was about Edenbrook. It was Parker who shined. Ethan was captivated by the way her smile lit up her eyes and how she knew exactly what to say and ask the person. This is why she made the diagnostics team. A glance down for a ring and she’d ask about a spouse. If someone looked like they weren’t there 100%, she would bring up their work. She got personal with them, talking about her family or the hospital so they would bring up their own personal experiences. She would never talk as much as them until the end, where she would seal their donation. She was thriving in this environment.

“Alright Kennedy,” Ethan looked down at her with a smirk, as another person walked away from them to go look through the auction items again. “I bet you can’t charm everybody here.” “Is that a bet Dr. Ramsey?”

“If you can charm the person I pick to donate to the hospital, I’ll run the tests on the diagnostic patients for two weeks.”

Parker grinned. She wouldn’t have to run up and down the floors for the next two weeks? Oh yea, she could do this. “Pick my target.”

Ethan’s head gestured to a man talking loudly about an app he had created. “Mr. Guy Ledford.”

Parker eyed him up. He looked fresh out of a frat house, and from how loud he was talking he thought a lot of himself. 

“What’s his thing?”

“Started some snacking app. I’m not sure, but from what I’ve heard he’s trying to get his image back after he lost an ugly custody lawsuit with his ex-wife.”

“Alright, stand back and watch the magic happen Dr. Ramsey.”

Putting on her best smile, Parker glided over to Mr. Leadford and gently brushed up against him. Ethan moved a little closer to them, picking up pieces of the conversation.

“Oh my gosh! You’re Guy Ledford! You created my favorite snaking app!”

Well played Kennedy, Ethan thought as Mr. Ledford jumped at the chance to talk about himself. 

“You use Nomme?”

“Of course! I’m always so tired after work at Edenbrook. The only thing that gets me through my shift are the snacks picked out for me!”

“Let me guess…” His eyes scanned over Parker’s body, staying too long on her legs and chest for Ethan’s liking. “You’re a dolphin?”

Parker faked a shocked expression on her face, her hand reaching to hold on his upper arm. “How did you know?!”

Ethan rolled his eyes at her theatrics, but that was why she was getting more people to donate. She made everyone feel like the most important person in the room. Ethan on the other hand...if it was up to him to rally people around the hospital it would be shut down by the end of the week. Having had enough of her show, and knowing she would get him to donate, Ethan moved to the bar to refresh his drink. When he got back, Parker was in Mr. Ledford’s arms on the dance floor swaying to the music.

“Ugh,” Ethan groaned, watching her in the arms of another man. He should have gotten more to drink, he thought to himself.

“Ethan!” Naveen came over to him. “How are you and Parker doing.”

He gestured to the dance floor. “How does it look?”

Naveen followed his eyes to where Parker was beaming and fawning over Mr. Ledford. “Looks to me like she’s doing exactly what I hoped she would.”

“She’s good at it,” Ethan mumbled into his drink.

“Ah,” Naveen looked back over at his protegee, “You don’t like sharing her.”

“What!?” Ethan coughed out, glaring at the older man.

“You’re so used to Dr. Kennedy only having eyes for you at the hospital. You’re not used to having to share her like this.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Naveen chucked, giving him a pat on his shoulder before he was called away to speak with another donor. Ethan’s eyes stayed fixed on the blonde, making sure Mr. Ledford’s hands didn’t fall too low on her waist. He wouldn’t allow him to feel up Parker just to get him to donate to the hospital.

It felt like an eternity to Parker, but finally the song ended and she pulled away from Mr. Ledford. Flashing another smile at him, she thanked him for his kind donation then excused herself to go find a drink. 

“That wasn’t dancing,” Ethan grumbled under his breath as Parker came to his side.

“What do you mean that wasn’t dancing?”

“I mean, swaying back and forth isn’t dancing.”

“Well it worked to get him to donate to Edenbrook. Enjoy your two weeks of running tests.”

Ethan just let a soft scuff leave his mouth, his eyes staying on the other couples dancing and swaying to a Frank Sinatra song.

Parker raised an eyebrow. “Sorry, the only experience I have dancing with a man is from my middle school dances and prom.”

“Well then you’ve never actually danced.”

Heat rose to Parker’s cheek. She loved to ‘dance’ and to have Ethan criticize her swaying got under her skin. She knew she wasn’t actually dancing, but she loved the idea of romantically dancing with a partner in a ballroom or around the house. She just hadn't found the time to take dance lessons yet. She would eventually.

“And I suppose you have?” She couldn’t help but challenge.

Finishing off his drink, Ethan held out a hand to her. “Why don’t you find out.”

Parker looked down at his hands, then up to his steel blue eyes. If she danced with Ethan, and he was as good as she thought he would be, she would never come back from this. Her stomach knotted, heart beating erratically as she delicately placed her hand in Ethan’s. A gentle smile pulled across his face as he led her onto the dance floor as the next song started, “Unchained Melody” by The Righteous Brothers.

Ethan’s left hand fell securely on her upper back by her armpit. Maybe she really knew nothing about dancing...she thought it was supposed to be on her waist, but she was not about to challenge him. He took her right hand and pulled it up with his as Parker laid her left on his shoulder, suddenly extremely nervous to be dancing with him. She had almost no experience dancing (besides swaying). 

As if he could read her mind, Ethan looked down at her and said softly, “Just follow my lead and you’ll be fine.”

With the start of the song, his feet began moving in a practiced waltz. Stumbling for a second, it didn’t take long for Parker to fall into step with the handsome doctor as he moved them across the floor. Her dress swung around them, making the twirls look more dramatic than what her feet were actually doing. Ethan stepped confidently, leading Parker’s body exactly where she needed to be. Together, they looked graceful to their onlookers.

Parker was breathless, her eyes unable to stray from the tender smile on Ethan’s face as they moved together in perfect sync. This felt a hell of a lot more intimate to her than what they had ever done before. Just as she was getting comfortable with their steps he threw a curveball her way. Parker felt as Ethan moved his hand to her center back and pulled her body closer to his.

His mouth moved to near her ear, singing only for her, “Time goes by so slowly. And time can do so much. Are you still mine?”

“Ethan…” she gasped, heart pounding out of her chest. She had never heard him sing before and it honestly took her breath away. His voice was low, rasping softly against her ear.

“I know.”

Ethan pulled back from Parker, spinning her one more time before pulling her back and dipping her body as the song came to an end much too soon. The sound of distant clapping could be heard around them, but Parker’s murky green eyes couldn’t pull away from Ethan’s slowly darkening blue ones. It felt like they were the only two in the room until he finally pulled her back up to her feet and took a step back.

“Well,” Ethan cleared his throat, “That was a real dance.”

Parker opened her mouth, but nothing would come out for a second until a quiet, “Thank you?” escaped her lips.

Ethan nodded, walking swiftly off the dance floor. Parker was rooted there for a second until the next song started and she darted to get out of the way. Thank you?! God she sounded so stupid, Parker thought as she darted towards the bar to try and forget the tingling feeling where Ethan had touched her. 

****

The rest of the night went smoothly, and Parker was happy to hear from Naveen that they had met their goal in donations thanks to the silent auction and all the schmoozing she and her colleagues had done. By midnight, Parker was yawning while she sat at a table. The only two people left on the dance floor were Zaid and Ines. She had never seen Zaid so sweet, but as he swayed with her, Parker couldn’t help but smile at them.

“Are you ready to head out?” a voice said over Parker.

Parker lifted her head up to see Ethan hovering behind her chair. “Yeah, I’m ready.”

Together they said a few goodbyes, then went to retrieve Ethan’s car. They sat in silence and they made their way towards Parker’s apartment, the radio playing softly. Parker looked over again at Ethan, his eyes locked on the road ahead of them.

“Where did you learn to dance like that?” Parker asked, her voice cutting through the song currently playing.

“I took lessons as a kid.”

“And it just stuck this whole time?”

Ethan shrugged. “That was only a basic waltz, not much to mess up.”

“Well I thought it was amazing.”

Ethan’s eyes pulled away from the road to look at the sleepy woman. She had kicked off her heels the second she got in the car and curled up happily in the seat. Her body was turned towards him, trying to fight off sleep and give him all her attention. 

“I’ll have to teach you some real steps to make it more complicated.”

With how fast her heart was going, she almost told Ethan to turn the car towards Edenbrook to make sure she wasn’t dying. “I’d like that a lot…”

Pulling over on the quiet street with Parker’s apartment, Ethan put the car in park and looked over. Parker was half asleep in his passenger seat and he wished nothing more that he was in front of their apartment and he could carry her inside to their bed. He didn’t want the night to end here, but he knew it had to. 

He put it off as long as he could, until he knew he had to go. Ethan gave her a gentle shake and whispered, “Parker, we’re at your apartment.”

Parker stretched out like a cat, sending a sleepy smile his way. Now it was his turn for his heart beat to go erratic. “Thank you for driving me Ethan. I had a lot of fun tonight.”

“I did too.”

They exchanged good nights, then Parker got out with her heels in her hands and went into her apartment. Ethan waited, until he saw a light flick on in her apartment before he drove away.

****

Ethan woke up the next morning a little later than he usually did. He didn’t work today and decided last night today would be his rest day. Reaching for his phone on the bedside table. He really was turning into a millennial as he opened the Pictagram app. He followed no one but Parker, so his breath hitched as her latest post loaded.

She looked just as stunning as he had remembered, but it was her caption that stole the air from his lung.

“Oh, my love, my darling...I’ve hungered for your touch a long, lonely time…” he whispered. The lyrics from the song they danced to. 

He had never hit the like button faster than he did once he read what she posted. It was for him. Is this what it felt like to be in love? She wasn’t anywhere near him, but he longed for her touch, her smile, to see her eyes light up. Last night felt like a fever dream to him. He couldn’t remember the last time he had a good time attending an event like that, but Parker managed to make it more than tolerable. If she was going to send secret messages for him, he could do the same. He may not be good at voicing his feelings in person, but an ambiguous caption to the internet? He could to put a caption that could be about the gorgeous doctor that consumed his thoughts. He just needed to find the perfect photo from his father...

[buckyodinson]

If you take request, can you do one with Whiskey? The reader is an agent that is the crush of Whiskey and he tries to ask her out, but she thinks that he is only a player so reject him every time. She end up hurt badly during a mission and he saves her and host her in his ranch for the recovery. He tries to confesshis feelings to her and so it is fluffy and smutty if u do it 🥺

Recovery

You sighed as you looked up from your computer and watched Whiskey approach your office, bracing yourself for the inevitable flurry of compliments and flirty comments that were about to be thrown your way. He was charming, you’d give him that. But you’d heard the rumours about Whiskey, and didn’t want your name involved with any of them.

He knocked on your open door and smiled when you gestured for him to come in, “Hey, sugar.” he drawled and you had to refrain from rolling your eyes.

“What can I help you with, Jack?” you roll your chair back slightly as he rounds your desk and perches on the corner of it.

“How’s about we go for a drink tonight? Just you and me?” he winks and you sigh.

“Jack. You already know my answer.”

“You might wanna reconsider.” he smirks as he holds a file out to you.

You take it from him, and you see that you and Whiskey have been assigned to a recon mission tonight, in a bar. You inwardly cringe, knowing Jack will almost certainly play up the flirty behaviour while in the bar.

“I guess I’ll see you tonight then, Jack.”

“I’ll pick you up at 8, doll.” he winks at you once more and walks out of your office.

You groan and rub your eyes as you pore over the file in front of you, preparing for tonight.

It was supposed to be a simple mission. You were to go to the bar, which was a front for mob activity, and Whiskey was supposed to pick a fight with someone, to give you a small window of time to break into the back office and steal the data you needed from their system. It sounded easy enough on paper, but the whole mission was compromised within an hour of being in the bar. You were supposed to spend at least a good hour or two surveying the bar, working out your strategy before you initiated anything. You and Jack were sat in a booth, his arm wrapped around your shoulders, and he’d press his lips to your temple every so often as you chatted, so if anyone was watching, you just seemed like a regular couple out for a few drinks.

It all went downhill, however, when Jack went up to the bar to get another round, and a man came and sat himself down in Jack’s spot, “Why don’t you let me take you home and show you a real good time, instead of that hillbilly you came here with?” you laughed at him calling Jack a hillbilly, since this guy had a much stronger southern accent than Jack.

“No thank you.” you threw a smile at him and tried to shuffle away from him, but he grabbed your arm and tried to pull you towards him again.

“Get off of me, asshole!” you hissed and before you knew it, you’d slapped him across the face. He flinched back, shocked at your action, and you notice lots of people have turned to look at you. Shit. This could’ve blown the whole mission.

“You heard the lady. How’s about you fuck off and be on your way?” You were relieved to see Jack hovering by your table, drinks in hand, as he stared down the guy sat next to you, who’s face was growing redder by the second.

“And what are you gonna do about it?” the guy slurs as he stands up and plants himself in front of Jack, trying to act tough.

Jack takes a sip of his drink before putting the glasses down on the table and he turns to you briefly and winks, “Go out to the truck, baby. I’ll be out in a minute.”

You grab your bag and walk away as you hear the commotion behind you, and you give a quick glance around before slipping down the hallway to the office that you’d noticed when you went to the bathroom earlier. You opened the door and saw a man sat at the desk in the middle of the room, he glared at you and you squeaked out a slurred “I’m s-so sorry sir! I thought this was the ladies room!” before giggling and covering your mouth with your hands, subtly shifting your watch to face him.

He visibly relaxes and smiles, “That’s okay, darlin’. Head back a few doors and you’ll find what you’re looking for. Just close this door on your way out.”

“Of course! And sorry again!” you smile and press the button on your watch that activates it’s flash. You slam the door behind you and rush up to the desk, grabbing the dazed man and putting him in a chokehold as you grabbed a sedative from your bag and injected him with it. He thrashed for a few more seconds before going limp in your arms and falling into a pile on the floor.

You fished the thumb-drive out of your bag and made quick work of downloading everything from the computer. As you watch the files being downloaded, you look over at a screen that shows the CCTV from the bar, and you can see that the fight is still raging, and you can’t help but notice how attractive Jack looks using his lasso. While you have a spare minute, you go to the trouble of turning the recording off and deleting the footage that had already been recorded over the last few hours. You can still see what’s going on around the bar, but it’s no longer recording anything, so now they can’t watch this back and see you and Jack slip out.

You watch the thumb-drive percentage climb until it reaches 100% and you put it safely into your bag. On the CCTV screen, you notice a man approaching the hallway and coming towards you. You mess up your hair a little bit and smudge your lipstick before opening the door and closing it behind you, acting shocked when you bumped into the man in the corridor.

“Oh! You uh- you might wanna give him a minute, he’s uhh... he’s cleaning himself up.” you give him a suggestive look and realisation dawns on his face once he takes in your disheveled appearance. You slip past him, making your way back to the bar where the brawl had since calmed down, noticing Jack and the man had been thrown outside to deal with their problems, along with a few other men who’d joined in the fight. You walked out of the bar to go flag Jack down, but as you approached the crowd of men, you were shoved to the ground from behind. You quickly made to stand again when the man behind you pulled out a gun and shot you in the knee.

You went down immediately and the noise drew the attention of Jack and the other men. While the men were all fighting one another moments ago, there was an unspoken agreement to chase after this guy and teach him a lesson. Jack rushed over to you and picked you up, carrying you to his truck. He laid you in the back and quickly jumped in front and high-tailed it back to headquarters, calling to get a medical team ready for your arrival.

He paced the hallways of the medical wing the entire time your knee was being operated on. He couldn’t get the image of you in the backseat of his truck, bleeding profusely, out of his mind. Champ had come down to check on you, and he attempted to calm Jack’s nerves, but he couldn’t stop worrying.

Champ eventually got Jack to stop pacing for a few minutes, and gestured for him to sit down next to him in the chairs of the waiting room, “She’s gonna be signed off of field work for the meantime, until her knee is fully healed. She’ll be on bed-rest for at least the next two weeks.”

“Good.”

“Usually that’d mean you’d step up and assume some of her responsibilities. However, seeing the state this has put you in, I’m gonna be very generous and sign you off for this week too. You’re only gonna get yourself into shit out in the field if you’re too busy thinking about her.” he gave Jack a knowing look, and Jack sighed, letting Champ continue.

“So once she’s out of surgery and cleared to go home, you’re gonna go with her and keep her company.” Jack’s raised his eyebrows in shock, and he felt a little more relaxed than a few minutes prior. “By next week, we’ll see how things are looking here, and that’ll determine whether we need you back straight away or not.” Champ stands up and holds his hand out.

“Thank you, Champ.” Jack shakes Champ’s hand before standing up and pulling the older man into an embrace.

“Take good care of her.”

“I will, sir.” Jack gives a curt nod as Champ leaves.

The prospect of spending the week keeping you company had reduced his stress a little, and he stayed in the waiting room instead of pacing the hallways. His knee bounced as he waited, and he sprung up from his seat when a doctor poked her head into the room and told him you were out of surgery.

He spent the evening sat in the chair next to your bed, and you were initially hesitant about him staying with you for the week, but you soon came round to the idea when you saw how worried he was about you. He eventually went home that night to get ready for the week ahead, and came back to see you the next morning.

You figured he’d come round to your apartment each morning and keep you company throughout the day, but when you were discharged and he walked you to his truck, you were confused when he drove in the opposite direction of your apartment.

“Where are we going, Jack?” you piped up from the back seat where you had your leg propped up on the seats.

“My ranch. I can take better care of you there, compared to your apartment.” he smiled warmly at you in the rear-view mirror and you felt your heart flutter in your chest.

The first few days were a little weird but you slowly got used to the routine of Jack taking care of you. He cooked for you, and pretty much never left your side, constantly checking on you. He slept on the sofa, even though you insisted he should be sleeping in his own bed, but he claimed he was a restless sleeper and might accidentally jostle your knee in his sleep.

Showers were a tad awkward though. You couldn’t get the cast around your knee wet, so he had to help cover it before you could get into the shower. You also couldn’t support yourself without crutches, so he brought one of his patio chairs into the shower so you could sit while you were in there. Once you were done and called for him, he’d bring you a towel and help you out of the chair and into his bedroom. He was a complete gentleman about all of it, which took you a little by surprise. You figured he’d make suggestive comments, but he tried to give you as much privacy as possible, and when he helped you get dressed, he averted his eyes where possible. You couldn’t help but notice the way his cheeks would flush when he was in such close proximity sometimes.

During your time with Jack, you began to realise he wasn’t the man you made him out to be, and you were glad he was the one looking after you. Your feelings for him bloomed as time went on.

He went out for groceries one morning, and in his absence, you hobbled your way to use the bathroom, but one of your crutches slipped once it hit the tile, and you toppled over. You managed not to hit your bad knee on the ground, but pain shot up your leg at the sudden pressure you put on it trying to stay stood up. You cried out in pain and tried to sit up, hissing at the ache that had settled through your body from the fall. There was no way you were going to be able to get up from your spot on the floor without help. Shit. You were just gonna have to wait for Jack to get back.

Thankfully, he returned after only about 20 minutes of you being sat on the floor, and you sighed in relief when you heard the familiar rumble of his truck as he parked outside.

“I’m back!” he called and you heard him shuffling about in the kitchen before you heard the steady thump of his boots as he came into his bedroom.

“I’m in here, Jack.” he heard your dejected voice, and he went into panic mode when he caught sight of your legs sticking out from the bathroom doorway.

“What happened, doll?” his voice was laced with concern, but he had an angry look on his face as he helped pull you to stand, supporting the weight of your leg as he walked you over to the bed.

“I needed the bathroom, and one of my crutches gave out from under me.”

He sighed, “What have I told you?”

“Well I’m sorry I needed to pee, Jack.” you spoke sarcastically, trying to lighten the mood.

“You can’t be doing stuff like that, doll. There’s a reason you’re staying here with me. I’m here to help you.” his tone was serious as he glared at you.

“I’m a grown woman, I can go the bathroom by myself.” you countered.

“I know, but in this state, you can’t. It’s too much stress on your knee.” his voice raised just slightly.

“Why do you care so much? Give it another week and I’ll be back in my apartment and you’ll be free from all my shit again.”

“Because I love you! And it kills me to see you in pain like this!” he didn’t even register what he’d let slip until he saw your shocked expression.

“... you...you love me?”

He just nods solemnly and looks at his feet, wishing the ground underneath him would open up and swallow him.

“Jack, look at me.”

He winces as he looks up at you, and his heart falters at the soft smile on your face, “I love you too, Jack.”

The dumbfounded look on his face pulls a giggle from your throat, and he drops to his knees in front of you, wincing slightly from the impact but shuffling closer to you all the same, “Really?”

“Yeah.” you whisper as you reach for his face and pull him towards you, smiling as he presses his lips to yours. He pulls away, speechless.

“I guess getting shot in the knee worked out pretty well for me.” you snicker at the scowl that overtakes his features, pulling him to you to kiss him again.

[houchlife]

Top 7 Law Of Attraction Tips To Manifest More Of What You Want!

By Heather Mathews Author of Manifestation Miracle      “Everything is within your power, and your power is within you.” ― Janice Trachtman Charlie, a stay at home dad, works out of his living room while looking after his three-year-old toddler. As a social media consultant, he depends on his laptop to make a living. The problem is that his beat up computer was as old as his kid, and it was always glitching on him. So Charlie kept focusing on getting a new computer – a 13-inch Macbook Pro in particular. Eventually, his old laptop gave out, which made him panic a bit. So Charlie went online to look for another one while having the shiny new Macbook in the back of his mind. After hours of searching, he couldn’t find a reasonably priced model. So he was about to settle on another type of laptop and was close to closing the sale. But at the last minute, Charlie decided to check the price listings for a used version of the computer that he REALLY wanted. And just like that, someone was selling a six-month old Macbook Pro for a price significantly cheaper than a store-bought one. So Charlie got what he wanted, and at a better deal than he had hoped for! Now, Charlie’s incredible stroke of luck seemed like a fluke to him at first, but then another awesome thing happened shortly after. You see, Charlie was also looking for a new job because he felt stuck in his current one. So he had his sights set on another company with a position in mind. The truth was that he wasn’t all that confident he was even qualified for the position, but he went over the job description again and again. Charlie even printed the job ad and put it on his refrigerator door so he could see it every day. A couple of weeks after his interview, he got a call from the company and said he got the job. On Charlie’s first day, his new boss told him, “Honestly, your skillset isn’t an exact match for what we were looking for. But I really liked how you did at the interview…and besides, we can train you for the other things you need to learn, anyway. You have a great attitude and that’s more important than being 100% qualified for the job.” Click Here To Discover the Lazy Person’s Secret To Get Everything You’ve Ever Wished For      Is It Coincidence - Or Something Else at Work? It’s easy to brush off Charlie’s streak as plain dumb luck, but could he have WILLED his good fortune to happen? After all, the common element between getting his new laptop and the new job was that he focused on both things intensely. Charlie kept it in his thoughts all the time. More than that, he created a detailed picture of his desired state in his mind. He imagined what it would be like to hold his new laptop and how he’d feel working in the new job he was aiming for. Charlie visualized both scenarios so vividly that he could almost taste it. Whether he knew it or not, he was putting the basic principle of The Law of Attraction to work - and it served him well. As the name implies, this law decrees that “like attracts like.” There’s a global movement behind this belief, and it says that the kind of thoughts you send out to the Universe emit a certain frequency – be it helpful or harmful. And you have the power to control the wavelength you operate on, which in turn attracts circumstances that match your energy. So by focusing on positive outcomes and giving out positive vibrations, you can turn your thoughts into a tangible force of good in your life! On the other side of the coin, dwelling on the negative aspects of life and focusing your attention on the things you resent attracts even MORE negativity into your world. Like Charlie, you can think of something specific you want, and hold that image in your mind. Create all the details that bring the picture to life, then believe that you already have it. When you go about your day thinking that the object of your desire is already a matter of fact… …this sends out a clear, strong message to the Universe that you truly WANT and BELIEVE it. But this is just the tip of the iceberg; there are other ways to raise your frequency even higher. By following these 7 Tips to Create the Life You’ve Always Dreamed Of, you’ll naturally attract everything you’ve ever wanted – and MORE:

#1: Set aside time to focus on what you desire

    The first habit is simple enough: give yourself at least 5-7 minutes daily to visualize the things you want to turn into reality.

You can do this by finding a quiet place to contemplate, then sit upright with your eyes closed. While keeping your desires front and center in your thoughts, breathe deeply in and out.

Focus on your breath and the sensations your body is feeling, and use that as anchor to keep your thoughts from straying.

If your mind does go on a tangent, gently bring yourself back to your breathing AND your desired future state.

You’ll get a lot of benefits from doing this for just a few minutes every day. For instance, many studies have proven the stress-reducing properties of meditation.

A study at the Massachusetts General Hospital showed that people who tried their meditation program experienced significantly less health problems than before.

They ended up not having to see a doctor or go to the emergency room, saving them about $2,300 in medical costs for EACH person!

On top of that of course, meditation also helps you keep your eye on the prize and give you the determination to make it happen.

Some people however, have trouble meditating and get easily distracted.

If you need a little guidance with this habit, I’ve got a special gift for you – but more on that later…

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#2: Be grateful and practice gratitude

    Ever hear the expression “Thank your lucky stars”?

Back in ancient times, people believed that celestial bodies played a huge role in someone’s destiny.

Today, many still believe that these same external forces affect our lives.

The Law of Attraction draws from this belief, and it states that we should be gratefull whenever the Universe sends something good our way.

This is another way of fine tuning your frequency. When you actively pay attention to the positive things that happen around you, it acts like a magnet that attracts similar things.

And by being thankful for your blessings, you’re sending a powerful message to the Universe that essentially translates to:

“Thank you, that was awesome! More please!”

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#3: Take a leap of faith

    The main challenge that people have with manifesting their desires is dealing with the world of the intangible.

It can be daunting (and even discouraging) to imagine a future outcome that hasn’t happened yet.

It takes some faith to push past that hazy uncertainty, and not everyone has it in them to do so.

So you need to check your inner Doubting Thomas at the door for a moment and appreciate how other people have used the Law of Attraction to succeed.

Consider the great figures from the past: Albert Einstein, Nelson Mandela, Marie Curie, Vincent Van Gogh and Nikola Tesla.

All of them were shining examples of how they used their mind and willpower to create something valuable in this world.

They raised their own frequency and as result, had a different energy from the rest of humanity.

Even though they’re gone, their legacy lives on, and we can still feel its impact today.

It’s all because they took a brave step into the unknown.

Even though they couldn’t see how their work would ripple through the next several decades, they still powered through.

The skepticism that people have is the result of growing up.

As you get older and have more experiences, a certain amount of jadedness sets in.

That’s why you won’t find any of that in kids. Just think about how children play make-believe.

When they yell, “The floor is lava!” you can bet they’ll be scrambling for the nearest couch or chair to avoid getting “burned.”

On a certain level, they TRULY believe that the floor is literally molten rock.

They can see the hot, glowing lava, burning everything its path…

…and they do everything to stay out of its way.

That’s the power the mind and imagination in action.

Learn how to see the world on this level again. That way, you can see a bright future before it happens – then go on to make it a reality.

Click Here To Learn How to Force the Universe to Manifest Your Dream Life 

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#4: Keep on keepin’ on

One of the realities of this world is that you can’t eliminate adversity.

It’s always going to be an uphill climb at some point, especially when you’ve just taken on a new challenge.

You’ve been eating right and working out, but the pounds aren’t quite flying off as you’d hoped.

You started a side income project, but your cash flow hasn’t been anything more than a trickle.

You’ve tried beating your depression with exercise, therapy and medication, but the dark thoughts still charge at you like a freight train.

That’s called RESISTANCE.

It will always be there, even as you dig deep and do everything in your power to manifest the reality you want.

Being a grown-up means expecting those external circumstances to work against you.

Your best response? PUSH BACK.

Keep your inner world together, and the outside world will follow suit.

Dumbledore once told Harry Potter, “Help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it.”

Remember: the hero of the story is never a one-person army.

Harry had Hermione and Ron.

Luke had Obi-Wan and Yoda.

And you don’t have to fly solo in YOUR journey.

Think about the people in your inner circle – are they giving you the energy, motivation and inspiration to succeed?

If the company you keep sneers at growth and being better, maybe it’s time to look for other friends to round out your squad.

Seek people who lead by example and can show you how to overcome that resistance in your life.

Learn from them and let their enthusiasm rub off you.

While you’re at it, use technology to connect to like-minded folks who can help you in your quest. Open your phone or laptop and fire up YouTube, Vimeo or any other video streaming site.

TED talks, self-help lectures and tons of other empowering content are literally at your fingertips.

The Universe has too much abundance for you to ignore.

We’re part of a vast human network, and our collective energy affects everyone else in ways we can’t yet fully comprehend.

This network has always been around; the Internet merely accelerated it. Tap into it and unleash its power.

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#5: Tune out your Negative Ned (or Nancy)

    There’s always that voice in the back of your head that kicks in when life gets tough.

It loves whispering things in your ear, usually at the height of your frustration and despair:

- “You totally blew that one, why do you even bother trying?”

- “You had one job and you screwed it up like always…I’m not even surprised.”

- “Getting back on the horse, are we? I give it a week before you go back to your old ways. Better to quit while you’re ahead!”

- “You actually thought he was complimenting you? Oh, bless your heart…it’s called ‘small talk’ and ‘being nice’.”

If you’re like the rest of the human species, you’re going to run into those nasty folks called insecurity, self-doubt and fear.

They’re going to take up space in your head and try to drown you out with their noise.

Rumi, a 13th-century Persian poet and scholar, knew this well. It his poem “The Guest House”, he spoke an ancient truth about the human condition.

He likened all our thoughts and feelings – both good and bad – as visitors who stopped by the guest house of the soul.

And this line struck me the most:

“The dark thought, the shame, the malice. Meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.”

Once I understood what it meant, I realized that I didn’t have to resist it. I could simply let my obnoxious guests do their thing, and see them out.

It’s not about covering your ears and going, “La la la la! I can’t hear you!”

Acknowledging their existence in your head is NOT the same as letting them win.

The world’s greatest achievers go through bouts of darkness and anger like everyone else.

The main difference is that they use their failures as material for an instruction manual called “What NOT to Do and How to Do It Better The Next Time Around”.

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#6: Ditch your story

    You shouldn’t stop at managing your negative thoughts, however. You need to peel back another layer and go deeper.

Here’s the thing: you grew up on a set of beliefs, whether you’re aware of it or not.

Your parents, teachers, friends and pretty much everyone you knew growing up contributed to your programming.

You don’t know it, but you operate on this programming on a daily basis.

And it influences every decision you make – and how you choose to see the world.

Now this can be a good thing if you grew up around people who were positive, motivated and had a good outlook on life…

…but this is the real world we’re talking about, so NOT everyone had that kind of effect on you.

Somewhere along your journey, someone discouraged you in a subtle way, or put some sort of label that you can’t shake off.

Words like “Underachiever”, “Oddball”, “Loser”, “Nerd”, “Small Fry”, “Ugly Duckling” and “Black Sheep” come to mind…

…and each one is damaging in its own toxic way.

Sadly, most people carry this invisible weight their whole life.

But starting today, you can lay those bricks on the ground and walk away for good. You don’t have to carry that weight for anyone, especially not for THEM.

Stop living your story based on the false narrative that your negative programming created.

All those preconceived beliefs need to go if you want to attract happiness and prosperity in your life.

I’ve seen people achieve INCREDIBLE things – even the impossible – just by doing this one thing.

Lionel, a heroin addict from Michigan, was in and out of jail for the longest time.

But after overdosing within an inch of his life, he decided to ditch his old story.

Even after everyone gave up on Lionel and called him a “screw-up”, he turned it all around.

He let go of the labels that people had been putting on him for YEARS…

…and Lionel decided he didn’t have to be any of those things anymore.

Lionel created a NEW story for himself – one where he was finally free of his crippling addiction and lived a clean, sober life.

What kind of story do YOU want to live out?

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#7: Make your affirmations “pop”

    You might have heard of people making declarations about themselves to manifest them as truth, and not just as an opinion.

When you affirm some truth about yourself, it validates the awesomeness within you.

Words of kindness heal the soul and help forgive past failures.

In short, it’s about LOVING yourself.

After all, you can’t give what you don’t have.

However, saying “Boy I sure love myself!” doesn’t quite do the trick.

To make your affirmations stick in your subconscious, it needs to have a little something extra.

Don’t stop at “I love me!”- take it up another notch to really drive the point home.

Try these on for size:

- “I love myself so much that I want to use my gifts and share them with the world. I want to take this love inside me and use it to lift other people up.”

- “By sharing the love I have, I possess the power to change myself for the better, and the world around me.”

- “I am love, light, peace and prosperity. Anger, hate and scarcity have no power over me.”

- Aside from loving yourself, you can also infuse a dash of humor in your affirmations. Who says you have to be so grim with his Law of Attraction stuff, anyway?

When you add a bit of levity while you affirm yourself, it shushes your Negative Ned (or Nancy) into silence.

Try coming up with statements like these:

- “I’m so awesome that I kick mediocrity in its big fat butt!”

- “I’ve come here to be awesome at everything I do and kick major butt. And I’m all out of butts to kick.”

- “Did you say something, self-doubt? Sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of my awesomeness!”

It’s all a matter of finding the right attitude and tone that suits you. Take a crack at making these affirmations, and you’ll soon find your true inner voice.

What matters is that you inject your affirmations with a serious amount of attitude, and above all, ENERGY.

Without that energy, you won’t give your messages enough “juice” to reach the Universe and show up on its radar.

Those who practice the Law of Attraction often combine these affirmations with their meditation sessions to hit two birds with one stone.

And the results are nothing short of phenomenal.

Now, about that gift I promised you earlier…

To make the MOST out of your meditation, I’ve got a series of audio tracks to help you manifest incredible benefits in your life.

If you want to be the picture of health…

…naturally create wealth wherever you go…

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…you can achieve ALL of that by simply claiming your FREE gift below:

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[thistangledbrain]

Deliberately lumping 17 & 18 together this time, because 17 isn’t that big of an entry.

Day 17 - “Accommodations”

So from a *personal* standpoint, I need few or no accommodations, as I’ve learned to make my own & have my own coping skills - when you spend most of your life not even knowing you’re autistic, you’re less likely to ask for something to help you with “your weird hangups”.

But younger auties often DO need accommodations- like being allowed to wear headphones/muffs in school, having a quieter testing environment, smaller classes, and so on. And obviously, the more you struggle with certain aspects (like loud noises or crowds), the more accommodations you’ll need.

I admit I don’t have much experience with the kids who truly need the total SPED environments. *Most* (definitely not all) kids I’ve known have all been capable to a degree of adapting to a NT environment. It’s *exhausting*, but possible *most of the time*. So since I’m a child of “suck it UP!”, I’m unfamiliar with this outside of simple accommodations I asked for, for my youngest, when he was in his earlier HS years - like headphones being allowed, and letting him keep his cell phone on him so he could quietly text with me if he was having a rough day & we could walk through it together. As he’s progressed through high school, he’s needed these accommodations less and less. I’ve noticed as my boys have edged through puberty, they leave more and more of their younger struggles behind them.

Your results may vary, of course.

———————————————

Day 18 - “Someday”

Hm. Boy, that’s ambiguous. Maybe I’ll take this one on from a couple different angles.

Someday I hope NTs understand autism better. Someday I hope each autistic person can be judged on their OWN PERSONAL strengths and weaknesses, like NTs are, instead of lumping us all together and deciding we can or can’t do something, based on the fact we’re autistic. For example, I know *plenty* of autistic musicians who play in bands ranging from death metal & punk rock, to smooth jazz. “But I thought autistic people couldn’t handle loud sounds!!”, you exclaim. Yeah, and some of us can. Also, not all loud sounds are created equal. Or sounds in general. A good example for me is, I occasionally jump and let out a little scream when the toast pops up 🙄, but I don’t flinch at the sound of gunfire - because I love to target shoot (I do not hunt), and it’s something I’m really good at, so I enjoy it thoroughly. (I’m not going to get started on America’s gun violence problem because it enrages me. I can rant about that allllll day & already deleted two paragraphs doing just that. This was just a convenient example.)

I’ve been thinking about this a LOT lately, actually. We have our own hurdles, without NTs adding to them, anyway. But I think about “what if I knew I was autistic, before I joined the Marines? Would I still have been as determined?” YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT...BUT I would have hit a brick wall, because they wouldn’t have let me (if I was honest about it, anyway - I’m telling you right now, if every applicant was 100% honest about their background, almost NO ONE would be accepted). So what happened? Well - I was a damned good Marine, that’s what happened - because I didn’t let *anybody* tell me I couldn’t do something. And as I mentioned before...for certain types of auties, the military is actually a pretty fucking brilliant, comfortable environment that we literally thrive in. Again - we are all different. So this “someday” one is BIG for me. Someday I hope we are judged individually on our merits, someday I hope we are looked at through the lens of what we CAN do, versus what *someone else* thinks we cannot do. I have YET to meet an Autie who doesn’t go “OH YEAH?!” when we’re told we “can’t” do something because of our autism. (We might not always succeed, granted, but we really hate being told we “can’t” do something, based on what YOU think we can and cannot do.)

Someday I hope autism is actually celebrated, instead of thinking it’s some sort of scourge. I hope to see that happen in my lifetime.

Someday I also hope that people (the doctors and psych folks and whatever) realize there’s actually a *considerable* difference between male and female autistics - which is why females are so often diagnosed late in life, because we “don’t fit the profile”. I also hope they realize that some females are more like males, and some males more like females, as far as the expression of our ASD. In other words - back to HOW ABOUT YOU EVALUATE US INDIVIDUALLY, FFS. I hear all this shit about how “autism is a spectrum”, and it just seems like lip service - if you KNOW it’s a spectrum, then why are you still trying to pigeonhole us into the DSM-5 definition or whatever, and operating inside generic parameters?? Auties are the most complex human beings you will ever meet in your life - and I stand FIRMLY by that - so your attempts to shoehorn us into your basic understanding of it is frustrating as FUCK. Infuriating, even. No wonder we fight you so bad when you try it. How would YOU like it if we decided that every middle class blonde woman is a “Karen”, and treated you as such? Or if we decided everyone with brown eyes are slow and we should treat all of you brown eyed people the same, like infants? You’d be like, “what the FUCK?” Yeah. It’s a lot like that.

Someday, I hope more therapists understand the autistic brain better, so they can be more helpful. Sometimes the same advice you’d give a NT patient struggling with an issue (let’s say, the death of a loved one or executive function) just won’t ...WORK...for an Autie. As it stands now, most therapists I’ve known go straight to ABA, and that gets frustrating when you just need to let it all out so you can re-center and actually have a discussion. Speaking of ABA, someday I hope teachers and doctors and therapists understand the resentment and feelings of being “wrong” or “bad” that result from ABA. SOME of it is necessary I think, but mostly, all it does is teach repression & lets us know loud and clear that the way we are is “wrong”. I desperately hope ABA is reevaluated - with the input from ACTUAL AUTISTICS. Using ABA for to overcome a problem like, say, potty training or something, is often seriously necessary. But potty training isn’t part of *who we are*, if that makes sense. Most ABA is basically like putting your Autie kid in a dog training bootcamp, with little to no thought about “what makes that kid tick”. It’s all about training you to act in a way that NTs find acceptable (and I have lots and lots of cuss words about that........) I don’t even train DOGS like some schools or therapists train auties. Dogs aren’t beings to dominate, control, and condition to act in ways I find pleasing (but I’m also not a “general trainer”...I’m on the behavior side of things). They’re sentient beings who deserve to have their personalities discovered, their traumas and their hangups, and THEN we work inside THAT dog’s parameters until we’re solid...*then* we start working on pushing them outside of comfort zones and such. AFTER that trust and understanding has been laid down as a solid foundation, for *that specific dog*, regardless of my experience with past dogs (though I do rely heavily on past experiences of course; knowledge of what did and didn’t work with some other dog similar to the one I have now - that sort of thing - but every dog is a whole new being to me...because, well, they actually *are*). Nothing is “cookie cutter”. Every dog is a brand new exploration. I understand that’s putting a lot of pressure on SPED teachers. I understand they’re baffled when I tell them ABA sucks as a because they see “positive results”. Sure - you see positive results in your ability to repress that child. Positive results in the fact that they’ve now learned to hide themselves from you and others. It seems the current ABA methods don’t necessarily teach any sort of useful skills for actually adapting to the flow of the NT world for that kid - just how to repress who they are, so they fit in. In other words - ABA is successful for the NT world - not us. It actually depresses the shit out of me to think about how teachers and counselors view the rocking and flapping kid they’ve now trained to sit quietly in class feels like their work is successful. You didn’t help that kid - you BROKE them, you broke their spirit, you broke who they are. That makes me so angry. Same when these so called “star trainers” can force or intimidate any dog to performative good behavior. Same as the difference between how native Americans train their horses versus how Anglo Saxons or others did/do. In the native culture, we call it “gentling”. In AS culture *it is LITERALLY called “breaking”*. I’m not kidding - look it up.)

As for my personal “someday”....

Someday I’ll write a book about my adventures & struggles in life and what it was like inside my brain through each one. It’s not that I think I’m anything special, but I’ve been asked to do this, and the reasons were pretty logical. And I do love to write, usually. Or maybe it’ll be a book about how my autism is a HUGE advantage in “my line of work” (the dog thing...being sort of more of a dog/human “guidance counselor” than a trainer - since I hear your voice and feelings, and I also hear your dog’s, I’m less of a trainer and more of a bridge between the two. An interpreter, but also almost like a marriage counselor too LOL). I think that’s my biggest “someday” and the only one worth mentioning, because it’s such a huge goal...most of my other personal “someday” stuff, I eventually kinda go “well fucking why not TODAY, bish?!” and I just...DO it.

But generally, someday I hope it’s understood that no two autistic people are alike - but we share enough commonality that it’s possible to understand we’re basically in a different category of people from “normal”. Someday I hope NTs in general drop their stereotypes and get to know us one on one. Someday I hope people realize and understand that even nonverbals are whole ass human beings, with thoughts and dreams and opinions and a whole complex personality that you missed, because you were too busy judging the fact they can’t speak like you do.

Someday I hope you realize we *enhance* the human experience, we don’t detract from it. Someday I hope you realize we are not BROKEN, we are just different. Someday I wish you’ll stop being so smug and stuck up in your “normally functioning brain”, and stop PITYING us. For fucking what??? Experiencing life in a much more complex and deep way?? Bruh. We pity YOU, too. Your world perception often seems dull and wasteful. Limited. OPEN UP - there’s a whole universe out there that you haven’t even explored. So, someday I hope we can enhance each other’s human experience, like my friends and I do. I’d love to see that on a larger scale.

Someday.

[saitamaandmanakoblog]

Manako’s PTSD: The Hero Training Test: 2/2

ZombieMan didn’t know why, but she got the distinct impression that the monster was apologizing for something more than her breakdown. Regardless, he wasn’t about to let his coworkers see her like this, so he took an alternate route to Doctors office.

“Oh dear.” She said the moment she saw ZombieMan with an injured monster passed out in his arms. The monster had a death grip on him even though she’s asleep.

“Testing accident ended up triggering some sort of flashback.” ZombieMan explained. “She didn’t recognize me, and asked if her gang is ok.”

She thinks that I was Mikey and asked if Foapy,MooMoo And Vend was ok.

“Strange…” Her brows furrowed before she turned to tend to his injuries. Manako was barely able to tear the monsters from his arms, and when he did, the she whimpered lightly.

“Mmm She seems very attached to who ever is making her feel safe.” “That’s probably because Saitama always has Bright Light in his pouch.”

“I have to inform the other minister about this development.” He sighed. “Call me when she wakes up. If she’s still in the flashback, I should be able to bring her out of it unless Caped Boldi is here.”

“Right. Thank you for the heads up.”

With that, ZombieMan closed the door behind him. Ugh, today was mess up already. He shook his head. He still had to deal with SweetMask. But first, he needed to inform the other Staff of the now obvious PTSD that Manako had. Ask how Saitama deal with her all the time.

He sent off a quick text to his coworkers. Luckily, it was most everyone’s free period, so Silver Fang, Agoni, the Bearded Workers, The Branch Operator, Bespectacled Workers and Console Operator were all in the Staff Room. He’d have to inform Sekingar of the situation later.

“ZombieMan ? What’s wrong, I thought you were observing the heroes?” Sekingar eyes flashed in concern when he noted the dust and blood on his outfit.

“There was an incident. SweetMask disobeyed a direct order and used an attack of lethal force on Manako.” The room stiffened. “She’s fine. Somehow Bright Light managed to dodge the collapsing building , but her leg got hit pretty badly. She’s in the Doctors Office, now. But the attack triggered a flashback. I was only barely able to pull her out of it.”

“A flashback?” Silver Fang asked in concern.

“She was talking about hearing ‘Mobs’ nearby, and her eyes were tracking invisible enemies. Bright Light was so quiet I almost didn’t find her. But she seemed to recognize me as someone else.” His brows knitted together in concern.

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Sekingar asked.

“That’s the thing. She called me ‘Mikey’, and only reacted when I called her by her given name.”

“That’s… strange.” Agoni conceded.

“She also asked about ‘Foap’, ‘MooMoo’, and Vent’.” ZombieMan looked at Silver Fang and Sekingar, She came back to herself before she passed out, but if anything happens again and I’m not around, I think you two could manage to pull her out of a flashback if Saitama is not around, also maybe King too but he’s outside with the other heroes.”

“That’s actually very concerning, having to have Bright Light call me by her friends name.”Unknown scratched her head.

“Do you two know her outside of Hero Work?” Silver Fang asked.

“Yes, we befriended each other after I helped her down from a tree.”

(Manako was being bullied and got hang by a tree, while Child Emperor ask ZombieMan for help.)

“I think we should all keep a closer eye on her. Any idea what specifically triggered it?” Staff A asked.

“Ah… maybe I can answer that question.” TG said, coming into the room. ZombieMan glanced at the clock—it was already the end of the day. “Before the start of the match Bright Light came up to me and confessed that she had bad reactions to crashes and loud noises. I assumed Bright Light was uncomfortable, and said that she was going to talk to Mike or Saitama at the end of the week about it. She wanted to switch partners, but…”

“But you made her face SweetMask anyways.” Silver Fang pinched the bridge of his nose.

“How irresponsible.” Agoni tutted. “Didn’t you read the Hero’s Handbook?”

“Handbook?” TG questioned, causing the entire room to groan.

“Here.” Zekingar chucked the handbook almost hitting his face. “Certain staffs or Ministers is required to have that memorized before even setting foot in a Hero Training Test Room or some certain kind of Office .” He crossed his arms.

“Page twenty-five talks about what to do when a Hero who’s suspected of having a traumatic experience in the past confesses a possible trigger.” Zekingar stated dryly, sending TG a mild glare of his own. “In short, you excuse a hero from the situation that could re-traumatize them, and inform their homeroom coworkers privately before informing the rest of the staff.”

“In this case, you would’ve given her a different opponent and kept a closer eye on him while she observed SweetMask’s fight.” Silver Fang stepped in. “Immediately after the test, you would’ve informed me or someone else of the situation, before I informed the rest of the staff to prevent re-traumatizing her.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh.” ZombieMan sighed. “You can apologize to Bright Light later after Miss.Doctor and Saitama have cleared her. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a rebellious brat to discipline.” He paused in the doorway. “Silver Fang , I think you or Zekingar should go see if Bright Light is okay. She’ll probably respond better to you two than anyone else right now.” He sent them meaningful looks and the two smiled.

“I’ll go. The Little monster is growing on me.” Silver Fang grinned, heading out the door, closing it behind him with a soft click.

“I’ll inform King” Silver Fang sighed.

“Thank you.”

Time Skip

ZombieMan sighed as he watched SweetMask leave the office. His punishment was light, in Agoni’s opinion, but there wasn’t much they could do for a 1 S Class Hero. So he’d be on restriction for 3 weeks. Allowed to participate in his concert activities while attending Spas when ever he likes.

He looked up when the door opened. Child Emperor had wanted to speak with Manako regarding the incident, and had Flashy Flash and Silver Fang accompany him up to the office. He was bandaged, and had a light scratches, but looked fine otherwise. He looked a little tired, but that was probably from the stress of the crumbling building while Flashy Flash tried to save both of their lives.

“You feeling better?” ZombieMan asked, and the monster nodded. He didn’t miss the way kid relaxed when he saw Manako sitting there. The boy was unusually attached to Bright Light, and once of his life he couldn’t figure out why.

“Welcome, Child Emperor. Please have a seat.” ZombieMan motioned, and Silver Fang stood to leave.

“A-actually, You three can stay if you want?” Bright Light spoke up, and Flashy Flash sat back down. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t curious. He saw the expression mirrored on the other two heroes’ faces.

“I understand that you had quite the experience today. I wanted to apologize for you getting hurt.” ZombieMan said.

“Oh, that’s not your fault. SweetMask’s always has a strong hate towards Monsters off handedly. “I’d have to be more careful if I’d had new who I was sparing, but that’s my fault for not doing my research.”

ZombieMan stared. This monster is surprisingly mature.

“Either way,” Silver Fang, handing a cup of tea to the monster, who took it gratefully. “I’d like to know what exactly triggered your flashback earlier. To prevent any future setbacks, and to keep you on the right track, you need to inform us of any major trauma in your past.”

“W-wait… you mean I’m not getting kicked out of the Hero Association?” She blinked in shock.

Child Emperor startled. “Of course you aren’t.” He stated. “Bright Light, nine out of ten heroes have PTSD or something similar. It comes with the job. To disqualify a hero hopeful for something you’ll likely get anyways is illogical. But we can help you with it before Saitama picks you up.”

She relaxed substantially, and Flashy Flash wondered if that had been weighing on her this entire time. Was she worried about Saitama getting worried?

“I’m sorry. I just…”

“It’s okay, Bright Light . We’re here to help you.” Silver Fang spoke up, and Bright Light sent him a small gentle smile. There was a tinge of sorrow there, though, and he noticed that Manako’s hands are shaking grasping her outfit, like she’s trying to not feel uncomfortable or Nervous.

“I… Part of it is collapsing buildings that reminds me of collapsing caves sometimes. And the smell of decaying bodies… and unfortunately, the burning smell of used TNT 🧨 and whatever else was in a cave mines happened to smell similar enough to, um… well… a building or loud noises and screams but that barely triggers me sometimes.”

Dead bodies?! Child Emperor stiffened, along with the other heroes. What kind of situation had this Monster been through? As far as he knew, The Monster Association must have mess up Manako a lot…, and also the part that it’s hard to find good information or records indicating anything about Monster Association.

Though it was possible that something had happened during that time where the whole world didn’t know about the monsters existed and then no one bothered to document it due to her being a Monster status in the current society. As much as Silver Fang hated it, some people just didn’t care about the civilians monsters who was not part of the evil Monster Association. Also the part that 3/100 monsters are evil instead of good ones like Manako, good monsters barely exist.

“Mostly, the biggest thing is silent or being alone when I don’t feel safe.” She spoke quietly, and Silver Fang noticed it now. He shifted in his seat. He did that in Hero Meeting, too. The monster was always making some kind of small, quiet noise. “The silence with the following creepy sounds or threatening sound are the worst. They tend to scare me or send me into…”

“Flashbacks.” ZombieMan finished for her.

“Yeah. So you saw that?” She winced.

“Yes. Nobody else did, But you did call me Mikey thought.” Manako flinched lightly.

“I-I’m sorry, sir. I meant no offense.”

“I’m not offended, just curious.”

The look on the Manako’s face told him that she was embarrassed, and ashamed. But her eyes told Silver Fang a different story. Grief, regret, anger, loss. The emotions were overwhelming and Flashy Flash looked away, feeling like he was violating some part of the monster privacy just by reading Manako’s eyes. It’s not a open book 📖 but he did catch a few things from that look.

“Can you explain what kind of experience brought on this trauma?” ZombieMan asked gently.

“I…” The monster looked out of the window beside Child Emperor for a moment, and ZombieMan was briefly afraid that she’d fallen into another flashback. “I lost some humans or Monsters very dear to me. It when the Monsters Associated found out that I was being friends on the enemies side… there was this terrible silence afterwards…” She gently touched her right arm. “I’ll never forget that screams. I had to choose to ditch the plans or continue plan B since she wanted to distract the others, but…” Manakos hand clenched, and ZombieMan knew what had happened. Manako had been forced to choose between two options that were precious to her. Likely, if Manako had stayed and ditch plan B and try to help the other, all of her gang would be dead. This Monster was way too young to have an experience like that. To have to make that kind of choice…

Child Emperor looked ready to cry, and Silver Fang looked heartbroken. Even Flashy Flash looked mildly disturbed, though he quickly masked it before Manako could notice.

At the very least, Bright Light already had what it took to be a Hero/Sidekick , of that ZombieMan was now certain. Not many people could even make that kind of choice. Flashy Flash took a moment to digest this information.

“Thank you for telling us, Bright Light.

Are you getting help for your trauma at least?”

“I was going to go visit them in the end of the week, after the test.”

“Good, you’ll start those meetings tomorrow during your free time, then.” ZombieMan smiled. “Now, on to the topic originally scheduled for today—the Hero Test.” Manako relaxed almost completely.

If Silver Fang hadn’t seen how tense she was a minute ago, he wouldn’t have suspected anything. It was like she flipped a switch. Manako was way too good at hiding trauma. Looked like the staff needed to up their game.

Before he can say anything else someone Knocked the door 🚪.

“Can I come in? I’m here to take my friend home.”

“Yay! Saitama your back!

Manako ran up and jump to hugged 🫂 Saitama in happiness.

“It’s nice to see you again Saitama.” Silver Fang said in relief.

“Bye everyone!”

Saitama put Manako in his pouch and left with a wave 👋.

....

“I wanted to know how did Bright Light got that Smoke Screen Bomb.” ZombieMan said in disappointment.

The End

[jawritter]

Gifted Hands

Part 2 (complete)

Request: That surgeon Jensen story was so amazing. Bless the anon who requested that & bless you for writing it😂 reading that I had idea, if you could write another Jensen story, maybe it could be the reader having a major surgery and she is scared so Jensen being her surgeon prepping her from like a month? He stays with her while anaesthesia and then takes care of her? Oh oh, you can maybe add some funny, embarrassing moments, like catheter? That sounded weird but it would make an interesting story😂

Pairing: Surgeon!Jensen x Reader

Word Count: 3460

Warnings: Smut, unprotected sex, fingering, a little anal play (very light), suggestive squirting, probably language some where. I think that’s it.

If you missed part 1 you can read it here!!

Gifted Hands Pt. 1

Want more? Check out my masterlist:

*******MASTERLIST*******

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One month. One month of doctors appointments, one month of x rays, one month of hip readjustments to find out where you needed to be. Then there was the blood work, the test, the stress of knowing you have a fairly major surgery coming, and you were not looking forward to it. In fact you had it marked as `D-Day '' on your calendar. 

One month of trying to catch up on as much work as you could, and sell as many paintings and things as you can before you were going to be down for upwards of six weeks before you could even could even function properly on your own, and six months before you were even fully back to yourself.

This had set your whole life back, every step you took forward, you felt like you just took six back. You were afraid you were going to lose your apartment. You were afraid that you were going to lose it all because you couldn’t work. You were literally agreeing to trust a complete stranger to help you through your recovery. 

Speaking of said stranger, if it wasn’t for Jensen, you probably would have gone crazy. He’d literally been your saving grace through all of this. Even though you didn’t want to admit it, you looked forward to your appointments so that you could see him. 

The third appointment in, with only two more before your surgery, he’d asked you out to dinner before you left the office that night; and you agreed to go. One because he was insanely attractive, but also because you wanted to get to know the man that was going to be your caretaker more before you were almost completely dependent on this man for at least 6 weeks. 

You were not disappointed. 

Jensen was funny, compassionate, and caring. He was everything you ever wanted in man, but had convinced yourself that it didn’t exist. He had the kindest heart that you’d ever found in another person. 

He was smart, and witty, he seemed to know just how to make you smile. Even when you didn’t think you could, he wouldn’t stop until he pulled it out of you. No matter how down you were, or what all was going wrong, he seemed to just be right there, and was more than content to be there. 

It didn’t stop with dinner. You found yourself spending a lot of time together. He’d started picking you up after he got off of work everyday. Taking you out to eat, or just coming to hang out with you.

The day before your surgery was scheduled he text you and told you to pack up enough clothes to do you for the foreseeable future, to just make sure you had everything you needed, and he’d be there to pick you up after work and get you settled and ready to come and stay at his place after your surgery so that he could take care of you. 

You felt awkward about it at first, and the fear that you were going to  lose your apartment was something you had shared with Jensen, though he swore if that happened you’d figure it out together. 

You ended up just staying there with him that night, and he drove you to the hospital this morning. The morning of your surgery. Your “D-Day”. 

To say that you were nervous was an understatement, but it did make you feel better that he was going to be the one that was performing the surgery. He stayed with you until he had to go and clock in. After you were situated in a room and hooked up to the IV’s and things. 

Now it was the waiting game. Jensen swore that it wouldn’t take long, and he’d be back to get you with and bring you back.

Sitting there in your overly exposing nightgown, your mind was wondering on just how much things had changed for you over the past month, and you were wondering just how much more they were about to keep changing. 

You hated the situation you found yourself in, but you were more than a little grateful that you had found your way to Jensen. He was quickly becoming everything to you, and he made it no secret his feelings for you. 

You’ve heard your whole life everything happened for a reason, that nothing happened by accident, even the bad things. Even though this to you looked bad, you knew that without a shadow of a doubt it led you to Jensen, so maybe it would be worth it in the end.

The sound of the door opening pulled you out of your thoughts as Jensen entered into the room. Holding a catheter that was still wrapped in it’s bag in his hand, sort of behind his back like he was hoping you wouldn’t notice it.

“What’s that?” You asked him as he sat down on the bed next to you. Taking your hand in his, playing with your fingers. 

“Catheter… Don’t worry. I’m not going to put it in until you're out, but it will have to stay in for the next five days until you can get yourself up and walking around on your own again.” He said. You must have looked as mortified as you felt, because your face said it all. He started to crack up as soon as he looked up at you.

“You gonna pass out on me sweetheart? It’s just a catheter. It’s standard medical procedure for things like this.” 

You hid your face in your hands. Trying to fight down the horrible embarrassment that was creeping it’s way beyond the total terror to the surface to override what you were feeling, and make you wish that you could jump into the floor if it would open up to swallow you.

“Well…. I uh…. I was hoping that the first time you saw that particular part of me, it wouldn’t be because you were having to insert a catheter.” 

At that he threw his head back in a perfect laugh. Shaking his whole body, making you forget momentarially about your current embarrassing situation. 

“Is that what you're worried about?” He asked you, leaning over and kissing the top of your forehead before standing up and starting to adjust and IV to so that it could travel with you to the surgical theater where they would be performing your suring. 

“I promise you pretty girl I’d much rather be inserting something that was not a catheter myself, I’ve never been more jealous of a tub.” He said winking at you, trying to make light of the situation, but you blushed deeper and pulled the covers over your head with a groan. 

Leaning down and pulling them back. His face is so close to yours that you could feel his breath fanning over you.

“Let’s just work on getting you better, then you’ve got all the time you want with me.”

Leaning down he brushed his lips over yours in a quick kiss before the door opened, revealing the anesthesiologist, and another nurse. 

In less time than you could even regester what was happening you were in the operating room, Arms being strapped to the table as they do when they are going to perform surgery on you. Jensen walked around into our line of view just as you were about to start panicking,

“Okay sweetheart, we’re going to give a little shot into your IV here, and then put that mask on you there, then you're going to take a little nap for us, before you know it this will all be over.” Jensen said. Fully scrubbed in for the surgery, a cap covering his hair and a mask over his perfect face.

“You're going to be there when I wake up right?” You asked him as you saw the anesthesiologist inject the liquid into the IV. The nurse is getting ready to move the mask over your face.

“I’m going to be right there sweetheart.”

That was the last thing you remembered before it all went black.

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The recovery was NOT a walk in the park. True to Jensen’s word he was right there holding your hand when you woke up in the hospital, and he never left your side. Not once. He’d taken vacation time during your time at the hospital and personal time to extend into that so that he could be with you through the worst part of your recovery. Which the hospital was more than willing to work with him. 

After you were finally released from the hospital, and that damn catheter was removed, thank God. Jensen brought you home to his apartment. 

He did everything for you, even took on your physical therapy yourself so that you didn’t have to go back and forth to the hospital. 

Over the course of those six weeks you got closer and closer to your green eyed surgeon. Who you were curtain was really your angle posing as a surgeon, to be here for you right here in this moment because without him you wouldn’t have made it, you were curtain of it.

Even after the six weeks was up he convinced you to just stay with him at his apartment. Because let’s be honest, you two were more than just friends. He said he’d gotten so used to sleeping next to you at night that he probably wouldn’t be able to sleep without his arms wrapped around you, and if you were being honest with yourself you wouldn’t be able to sleep either. 

Even after life had progressed to somewhat of a normalcy and Jensen had gone back to work you still didn't start feeling like  100% yourself until around six months. By then Jensen and yourself were openly in a relationship and had been for months, but you there was one thing you were afraid of right now. 

Sex…

You were afraid it was going to be painful, or knock something loose again, and they would have to go back in, even though your primary doctor said that you were in the clear, and you did feel better. 

Jensen was patient with you. Even though you’d been sharing a bed for ever since you came home from the hospital, he never pushed you. 

Never once did he try and convince you to have sex with him. He let you work through things in and at your own pace, and sex was no different. It’s not that you didn’t WANT to. Any woman with a pulse would want to have sex with a man that looks like him, but fear of having to go through all of what you went through again was keeping you at bay.

You were sitting on the bed in your shared bedroom, watching something on netflix on our laptop, when Jensen came through the door from work.

He looked more tired tonight than you’d ever seen him. He stripped off his scrubs and made his way to the bathroom, not saying a word as he closed the door. 

It must have been a really bad day, because he usually always greeted you before he went to take he shower. 

You waited patiently. Giving him whatever space he needed. Letting him work through whatever it was until he was ready to talk to you. He never pushed you, so you were never going to push him.

Finally he made his way out of the bathroom and flopped down on the bed next to you. Hands covering his face. It took him a long time before he finally spoke.

“I lost someone today. I couldn’t stop the bleeding, and I lost her.”

You made your way over to him and snuggled into this side. He didn’t hesitate in wrapping his thick, surprisingly muscular arms around you. Holding you close to him.

“I’m sorry, I’m sure you did everything you could.” 

You didn’t really know what you could say to make him feel better. You wished there was something you could do, but you just didn’t know what.

“Guess my hands aren’t as gifted as I thought they were….” He mumbled against your hair. Running little trails around the exposed skin of your lower back with his finger tips.

It was a gentle touch. Something he usually did at night while you were laying together, but this time it was different for you. Lighting a fire deep down inside of you. Sparking something in you that you hadn’t felt in a very, very, long time.

Shifting your bodies to the point of you laying underneath him he kissed you deeply, slowly. Enough to make your toes curl. His tongue slowly exploring your mouth. His hands lightly brushing over the exposed skin on your side where your shirt rode up when he flipped you. You couldn’t stop yourself from melting into him. 

Pulling away he smiled at you softly and went to move off of you, not wanting to push you too hard. You reached up and grabbed his shirt pulling him back down into a more demanding kiss. This time stealing his breath away from him. 

“Why don’t you show me just how gifted those hands of yours are?” You told him. Running your fingers through his still damp hair. An impish smirk crossing his face as he hovered over you, staring down at you. 

“You sure baby? I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this just to make me feel better.” Jensen said, but you could feel the outline of his impressive length pressed against your thigh. You knew he wanted this with you, and you more than anything tonight wanted it with him. It was time. You’d put it off as long as you needed to, probably too long, and you weren’t going to let fear rule you. 

“I’m sure.”

His lips were on yours again in an instance, his hands trailing up your sides. Taking with it your shirt until you had to sit up and let him throw it off of you. Your hands pulling his shirt over his head and throwing it somewhere across the room.

Your hands trailed up his thick, broad chest and shoulders as his fingertips lightly explored the skin of your breast.

“No bra sweetheart?” He asked you jokingly. You couldn’t help the giggle that exapted your lips as his finger tips tickled at your sides. When they ghosted over you. 

“They’re not very comfortable to sleep in”

“Oh I’m not complaining.” 

With that his soft lips wrapped around your exposed nipple sucking and licking at it lightly. Just enough to drive you crazy before moving on to the other breast. Your back arching into him as his hands roamed your skin. Leaving a trail of fire in their wake. All the way down to your panties. Pulling them down your leg and you kicked them off the rest of the way.

“Your so beautiful sweetheart.” 

His lips made their way up to your neck, and then to the sensitive skin behind your ear. 

His hands trailed from knee up the inside of your thigh. Grazing over your already wet folds before making their way down and up the other leg, and back again.

You were about to beg him to stop teasing you, but you never got it out. His fingers found your clit about the time you thought you couldn’t take anymore of his teasing, and a moan fell from your lips. 

He slowly worked you in slow circles. Barely touching you, then applying almost too much pressure. Sliding two of his thick fingers into your aching core. Curling them slowly as he thrust them in and out of you in an agonizingly slow rhythm. 

His thumb is still working your clit as he did. The coil building tightly in your stomach as you neared your release. Jensen kept on working you over building you hirer and hirer until you couldn't take it anymore and were thrown over the edge. Your mouth falling open in a noiseless moan, your body almost convulsing underneath him as he worked your through it. Not slowing his admisistrations. 

Even after you came down. Your body is over sensitive, and you tried to move away from him. He held you down to him. Slipping a third finger inside of you.

“Jensen I can’t” You said, your voice weak and hoarse.

“Yes you can sweetheart. Trust me, trust your body. Let me show you what these hands can really do.”

Before you could respond to him, he put the middle finger of his free hand in his mouth, and brought it down to your tight little whole. Rimming you a few times before inserting his finger slowly into your ass, building it up to the same pace as his hand that was currently still working you aching, over sensitive cunt over. Your body was shaking underneath him. A whole new sensation added to you. The pressure building in your lower half was almost painful, and were scared you were going to pee on him.

“Jensen….”

“Your right there sweetheart, let go.”

And with that you did. Your orgasm hitting you so hard you couldn’t even scream. Your vision blurring as he slowly worked your through, a gush of liquid leaving your body. Coating his hand hand forearm. 

When he pulled away from you, your body was still shaking. Coming to hover over you Jensen pushed the hair that was tuck to your sweaty forehead away from your face, and peppered you with little kisses. Waiting on you to fully come back to him.

When your vision finally came into focus again, you found his beautiful olive green eyes staring at you. Lust blown and hooded, but still piercing nonetheless.

“Hey.” You whispered to him. Still floating a little from the strongest orgasm you’d ever had in your life. 

“Hey, you okay?” He asked, and you nodded at him.

Spreading your legs with his knees he positioned himself between your thighs, his tip grazing over your entrance. While you were lost completely he must have shead the rest of his clothes…

“We can still stop if you want.” He whispered against your lips, but you placed yours to his. Kissing him to stop him from worrying over you. 

Slowly as to not hurt you, he slid himself into you inch by inch. Stealing and giving you time to adjust to him. He was massive, and he stretched you in a way that was almost painful, but was so satisfying all at the same time. 

Kissing your neck and jaw. You nodded at him. Letting him know it was okay to move. 

He pulled out of you almost all the way before sliding slowly back home. Repeating this action over and over again. Moans falling form both of your lips as he slowly picked up his pace. Driving you both towards your end with each deep thrust. 

The pain you scared of and worried over wasn’t there. Everything you were afraid of seemed so silly now. The only thing that was there was a deeper love for him than you had ever known was possible. 

It wasn’t long until that familiar burn had started in your lower abdomen the coil winding tight again as your walls started to flutter around his throbbing cock. Waves of pleasure hitting you with every drag of his manhood against your walls. His tip hitting your cervical wall as he brushed your G spot over and over again.

“Jensen.. I…”

“I know baby me too…”

Reaching between your connected bodies Jensen started making harsh circles over clit. With only two more thrust you were thrown over the edge again. His name falling from your lips like a prayer as he rode you through it. With only a few more thrust he was there with you. Stilling deep inside of you. His seed coating your walls. His body collapsing on top of yours. Barely holding his weight off of you on his forearms as he tried to regain control of his body.

Once you both had come back down from your high he pulled you close to his side. Hands trailing little patterns over your skin as you laid together. Skin against skin. Just enjoying being close to each other. 

Right there in that moment you were more sure than ever that EVERYTHING good and bad happens for a reason. It’s a journey, and it isn’t always easy, but if it weren’t for the bad. There would be no good. 

Even though your situation was scary to you, and harder than anything you’d ever gone through, you would have never found Jensen if it had never happened. 

Your life hand changed forever, all because two gifted hands were there to hold you through it, and because of that, if the outcome was the same, you’d go through it all over again. Just to get to him.

“I love you Jensen.”

“I love you too pretty girl….”

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Tag List:

@deanwanddamons​​ @imabitch4jensen​​ @rvgrsbrns​​ @bi-danvers0​​ @onethirstyunicorn​​ @i-love-superhero​​ @onethirstyunicorn​

[newstfionline]

Saturday, July 31, 2021

Biden to allow eviction moratorium to expire Saturday (AP) The Biden administration announced Thursday it will allow a nationwide ban on evictions to expire Saturday, arguing that its hands are tied after the Supreme Court signaled the moratorium would only be extended until the end of the month. The White House said President Joe Biden would have liked to extend the federal eviction moratorium due to spread of the highly contagious delta variant of the coronavirus. Instead, Biden called on “Congress to extend the eviction moratorium to protect such vulnerable renters and their families without delay.” By the end of March, 6.4 million American households were behind on their rent, according to the Department of Housing and Urban Development. As of July 5, roughly 3.6 million people in the U.S. said they faced eviction in the next two months, according to the U.S. Census Bureau’s Household Pulse Survey.

Evacuation flight brings 200 Afghans to US (AP) The first flight evacuating Afghans who worked alongside Americans in Afghanistan brought more than 200 people, including scores of children and babies in arms, to resettlement in the United States on Friday, and President Joe Biden welcomed them home. The evacuation flights, bringing out former interpreters and others who fear retaliation from Afghanistan’s Taliban for having worked with American service members and civilians, highlight American uncertainty about how Afghanistan’s government and military will fare after the last U.S. combat forces leave that country in the coming weeks. Family members are accompanying the interpreters, translators and others on the flights out. The commercial airliner carrying the 221 Afghans in the special visa program, including 57 children and 15 babies, according to an internal U.S. government document obtained by The Associated Press, touched down in Dulles, Virginia, just outside Washington, D.C.

Not in control (NYT) Consider these Covid-19 mysteries: In India—where the Delta variant was first identified and caused a huge outbreak—cases have plunged over the past two months. A similar drop may now be underway in Britain. There is no clear explanation for these declines. / In the U.S., cases started falling rapidly in early January. The decline began before vaccination was widespread and did not follow any evident changes in Americans’ Covid attitudes. / In March and April, the Alpha variant helped cause a sharp rise in cases in the upper Midwest and Canada. That outbreak seemed poised to spread to the rest of North America—but did not. / This spring, caseloads were not consistently higher in parts of the U.S. that had relaxed masking and social distancing measures (like Florida and Texas) than in regions that remained vigilant. / Large parts of Africa and Asia still have not experienced outbreaks as big as those in Europe, North America and South America. / How do we solve these mysteries? Michael Osterholm, who runs an infectious disease research center at the University of Minnesota, suggests that people keep in mind one overriding idea: humility. “We’ve ascribed far too much human authority over the virus,” he told me.

Diasporas at the Olympics (Foreign Policy) Cuban athletes at the Tokyo Olympics are evidence of the exodus from the island over the years. By the Cuban sports journalist Francys Romero’s count, more than 20 athletes at the Olympics were born in Cuba but became naturalized in and are now playing for other countries. That’s a group almost one-third the size of Cuba’s own delegation.

Peru’s politics (Foreign Policy) Peru’s new President Pedro Castillo chose Guido Bellido, a congressman and fellow member of his Marxist Free Peru party, as his prime minister as part of a cabinet announcement on Thursday, setting up a tense confirmation battle with the country’s opposition-led Congress. Bellido courted controversy in a local media interview in April when he expressed sympathy for members of Shining Path—a Maoist guerilla group who fought a bloody insurgency during the 1980s and 1990s.

Death toll in Turkish wildfires rises to four, blazes rage on (Reuters) The death toll from wildfires on Turkey’s southern coast has risen to four and firefighters were battling blazes for a third day on Friday after the evacuation of dozens of villages and some hotels. More than 60 wildfires have broken out across 17 provinces on Turkey’s Aegean and Mediterranean coasts this week, officials have said. Villages and some hotels have been evacuated in areas popular with tourists, and TV footage had shown people fleeing across fields as they watched fires close in on their homes.

Three Jehovah’s Witnesses sentenced to six or more years in Russian prison for their faith (RNS) Three Jehovah’s Witnesses in Russia were convicted and sentenced to prison for practicing their faith on Thursday (July 29). Vilen Avanesov, 68, was sentenced to six years, and his son Arsen Avanesov, 37, along with a third defendant, Aleksandr Parkov, 53, were both sentenced to six-and-a-half years. All three men have already spent more than two years in pretrial detention. “These men should never, ever have had to spend a minute in prison, and yet they’ve been locked up for two years,” said Rachel Denber, deputy director of Human Rights Watch’s Europe and Central Asia division. The three Jehovah’s Witnesses were detained in Rostov-on-Don in May 2019 and accused of continuing the operations of a Jehovah’s Witness organization that had been liquidated. All three were charged with organizing extremist activities. In January 2020, Arsen Avanesov was also accused of “financing extremist activities” by collecting donations to rent a room to meet with other Jehovah’s Witnesses. Near the trial’s conclusion, Arsen Avanesov spoke of his devotion to God: “I dedicated my life to him and did it sincerely. … I don’t want, I can’t and will not give up my promise.” The sentences for the three men are considered particularly harsh in a country where rape is punishable by three years in prison and kidnapping by five. The sentencing follows a 2017 ruling that categorizes the religious group as “extremist.”

Myanmar leaders ‘weaponizing’ COVID-19, residents say (AP) With coronavirus deaths rising in Myanmar, allegations are growing from residents and human rights activists that the military government, which seized control in February, is using the pandemic to consolidate power and crush opposition. Supplies of medical oxygen are running low, and the government has restricted its private sale in many places, saying it is trying to prevent hoarding. But that has led to widespread allegations that the stocks are being directed to government supporters and military-run hospitals. At the same time, medical workers have been targeted after spearheading a civil disobedience movement that urged professionals and civil servants not to cooperate with the government, known as the State Administrative Council. “They have stopped distributing personal protection equipment and masks, and they will not let civilians who they suspect are supporting the democracy movement be treated in hospitals, and they’re arresting doctors who support the civil disobedience movement,” said Yanghee Lee, the U.N.’s former Myanmar human rights expert and a founding member of the Special Advisory Council for Myanmar. “With the oxygen, they have banned sales to civilians or people who are not supported by the SAC, so they’re using something that can save the people against the people,” she said. “The military is weaponizing COVID.”

North Korea began the summer in a food crisis. A heat wave and drought could make it worse. (Washington Post) At the beginning of the summer, North Korean leader Kim Jong Un described the country’s food situation as “tense” after border closures caused by the coronavirus pandemic and crippling floods. By midsummer, a cycle of grinding heat and record-low rainfall could be a sign of a greater food crisis and hunger ahead. Temperatures in North Korea have climbed as high as 102 degrees in some areas this week—a shock in a country where temperatures do not often break 100 degrees. The heat wave has been compounded by a growing drought. North Korea had gotten 21.2 millimeters, or less than an inch, of rain as of mid-July. It is so hot that state media reports have been repeatedly warning residents about the dangers of dehydration and low sodium levels, especially for the elderly and those at risk of heart disease or stroke. They are urging residents to stay out of the sun, eat more fruits and vegetables, and drink more than two liters (about two quarts) of water per day, according to NK News, which monitors North Korea’s state media.

Hong Kong protester given 9-year term in 1st security case (AP) A pro-democracy protester was sentenced Friday to nine years in prison in the closely watched first prosecution under Hong Kong’s national security law as the ruling Communist Party tightens control over the territory. Tong Ying-kit, 24, was convicted of inciting secession and terrorism for driving his motorcycle into a group of police officers at a July 1, 2020, rally. He carried a flag bearing the banned slogan, “Liberate Hong Kong, revolution of our times.” Tong’s sentence was longer than the three years requested by the prosecution. He faced a possible maximum of life in prison. Tong’s sentence is a “hammer blow to free speech” and shows the law is “a tool to instill terror” in government critics, Amnesty International’s Asia-Pacific regional director, Yamini Mishra, said in a statement. The law “lacks any exemption for legitimate expression or protest,” Mishra said. “The judgment at no point considered Tong’s rights to freedom of expression and protest.” Defense lawyers said Tong’s penalty should be light because the court hadn’t found the attack was deliberate, no one was injured, and the secession-related offense qualified as minor under the law.

New Zealand rated best place to survive global societal collapse (Guardian) New Zealand, Iceland, the UK, Tasmania and Ireland are the places best suited to survive a global collapse of society, according to a study. The researchers said human civilisation was “in a perilous state” due to the highly interconnected and energy-intensive society that had developed and the environmental damage this had caused. A collapse could arise from shocks, such as a severe financial crisis, the impacts of the climate crisis, destruction of nature, an even worse pandemic than Covid-19 or a combination of these, the scientists said. To assess which nations would be most resilient to such a collapse, countries were ranked according to their ability to grow food for their population, protect their borders from unwanted mass migration, and maintain an electrical grid and some manufacturing ability. Islands in temperate regions and mostly with low population densities came out on top.

Ethiopian roadblock (NYT) Aid workers in Ethiopia claim that an unofficial Ethiopian government blockade has cut off the only road into the conflict-torn region where millions of Ethiopians face the threat of mass starvation. A relief convoy headed for Tigray came under fire on the road on July 18, forcing it to turn around. On Tuesday, the World Food Program said 170 trucks loaded with relief aid were stranded in Semera, the capital of the neighboring Afar region, waiting for Ethiopian permission to make the trek into Tigray. The blockade is intensifying what some call the world’s worst humanitarian crisis in a decade. The crisis comes during an intensifying war, which has deepened ethnic tensions and stoked fears that Ethiopia will collapse. The United Nations estimates that 400,000 people there are living in famine-like conditions, and another 4.8 million need urgent help. The Ethiopian prime minister, Abiy Ahmed, who won the 2019 Nobel Peace Prize, said last week that his government was providing “unfettered humanitarian access” and committed to “the safe delivery of critical supplies to its people in the Tigray region.” However, Mr. Abiy’s ministers have publicly accused aid workers of helping and even arming the Tigrayan fighters, leading to aid workers being attacked at airports, and even killed.

[aelaer]

The Blood in Our Veins (a serial)

I had Part 3 partially written out since March, but inspiration struck from the middle of nowhere and I was able to complete it last night. Everyone tagged asked to be tagged months ago, just let me know if you want to be added/removed from the update tag list. Earlier parts linked for convenience as it’s been ages and a lot of you probably don’t remember parts 1 and 2, haha. Apologies for length if you’re on mobile without a working cut tag.

Prompt (via @ironstrangeprompts): Kidnapped to play doctor for a still unseen other prisoner; Stephen realizes there is only one person on the planet who would have palladium in their blood.

This is unbetaed; apologies for any errors.

Part 1 | Part 2 |

Part 3 - Signs Were Not Really That Scarce

Doctor Baar was going to sleep, but Doctors Ferguson and Weston (Jada and Summer, Stephen reminded himself) kept him busy immediately upon waking him up. The former had him prepping more slides and helping input her handwritten data into the computer, while with the latter he started the loose beginnings of a plan for surgery with the incomplete picture they had. 

By the time another two hours had ticked by and he was working again with Doctor Mahajan on prepping yet more samples, Stephen was doing all in his power to focus on the repetitive tasks at hand rather than let his mind wander to consider his circumstances.

He was very good at focusing; he always had been. It was partially his power of intense concentration and attention to detail that he was able to perform surgeries that others simply didn't have the skills to perform. Despite his relatively short career thus far, he was already making a name for himself amongst his peers.

But at this point in Stephen's life, that type of focus was for challenging surgical cases and putting his mind to work towards new and improved techniques in the neurosurgical field. On the other hand, the relative monotony of lab technician work could only distract him from his thoughts for so long. And as the minutes ticked by, Stephen was starting to feel the crawling anxiety of the unknown inch forward.

He forced himself to slowly inhale, then exhale. He did it again for good measure. Then he pushed his wandering thoughts towards something calm and more meditative. This turned him to mentally reviewing as many recent studies as he could recall reading within the larger medical field.

Immediately the papers of his fellow abductees came to mind, and Stephen pushed past those to the unrelated papers he could remember. And there were plenty of those, enough he could recall to categorize them by specialty. His near-eidetic memory certainly helped there—and it was more interesting than listing off the discographies of all artists on Billboard's Top 100 of 1981.

This exercise began helping quickly. His memory did not have these papers memorized word for word, but he could remember the important bits of the study and he began to recite them in his head. What part of his mind wasn't focused on Doctor Mahajan's slides went through the names of doctors, the titles, the summaries, and whatever little details he could recall from his readings over the last year.

The neurology papers came first to mind, naturally. Recalling all new research over the last several months put him at ease; it was in this realm that his own ideas began to take root, drawing from the conclusions of other neurosurgeons to develop his own hypotheses to begin research on later.

But Stephen had no place to jot down his stray musings, which brought reminder to his situation again. Before any anxiety about his situation could take root again, he instead abandoned neurology to remember papers in other fields, even as his nimble fingers continued transferring the blood samples to slides, each labeled accordingly.

He planned on continuing as such without pause until all blood tests had been prepped (and the amount of testing and the speed of results that was being accomplished for a single man was truly phenomenal). But Stephen's hand suddenly jerked, nearly ruining one of the samples.

Doctor Mahajan stood just to his right and, at such proximity, noticed. "Doctor Strange? Are you alright?"

Stephen didn't process her question immediately; his brain was still reeling from his sudden realization. His mind was in the middle of citing a recent cardiothoracic study when he remembered another article. It wasn't even a study in the normal sense of the word, but rather a look at the miraculous ways a body can survive trauma and the modern technology used to help in the process. One part of the article covered the miraculous survival of—

"Tony Stark," he murmured aloud. 

Doctor Mahajan sent him an alarmed look. "Not so loud!" she hissed.

Stephen blinked, then looked back at her. He ignored her comment, but made sure to keep his voice low. "I remember reading about the technology he used to keep shrapnel from his heart. It had a palladium core, the implant. We're trying to keep Tony Stark alive, aren't we?"

"Don't talk about it," she snapped back in a whisper. She refused to look at him.

Stephen paused and frowned at her. What the hell was her problem? "Do you have an issue with me?" he asked the Brit, his voice unconsciously rising in his irritation.

Doctor Mahajan shook her head but continued to avoid looking at him. "Just—just leave me alone."

Before he could say anything (and what could he say to that?) he heard "Stephen," come from behind him. He turned and Jada was there. "Summer needs your help in making out something on an X-ray. I'll continue assisting Doctor Mahajan."

With one last frown at Doctor Mahajan, Stephen nodded to Jada and made his way to the cardiothoracic surgeon on the other side of the room. When he reached her, he asked, "What is it?" There was no X-ray pulled up on the computer.

"Doctor Mahajan is on the verge of a panic attack," Summer explained softly. "Jada recognized it. She'll help calm her down."

Unwelcome guilt edged into his conscience. "I didn't know."

"We know," she reassured him. "We're not blaming you. Meera won't, either. But she has rather bad anxiety that is more sensitive right now for, well, obvious reasons."

Probably what the medication was for, Stephen presumed. "I didn't mean to trigger an attack."

She nodded. "I know," she repeated. "What did you say? We'll want to avoid whatever it was in the future."

He cleared his throat and then lowered his voice further. "I figured out who on earth would have continuous palladium poisoning. His name did it."

Summer exhaled and nodded. "It was only a matter of time before you figured it out."

Stephen frowned once more. "You know the patient is Tony Stark?"

"Everyone does," she answered in a whisper, "but we don't mention it. I'd not say his name again, either; we haven't figured out if there are microphones in here or how strong they might be. We don't know if they care that we've figured it out." And after saying that, she opened the actual X-rays on her computer and shuffled through her notepad to look busy. 

Stephen took her lead and stepped closer to look at her notepad as if reading it. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that others would remember the news—about what was told of the procedure that saved his life," he said. "There was nothing written indicating any reaction to the palladium core, though."

Summer shrugged. "He never mentioned it. I looked through every mention of his procedure I could find when they were first published, and there weren't many. The patient only gave his version of events and never let any doctor closely study it, from my understanding." She pursed her lips. "It was the X-rays that gave it away for me, at least."

"I was reciting medical papers I could remember. A cardiothoracic study nudged my memory to one of those articles that came out last year about his survival." Stephen pressed his lips together into a thin line. "But with the last newscast I heard about the patient a few days ago, I honestly should have thought of him sooner."

She pretended to write something down. "Kidnapped two times in a year's time," she murmured. "That's rough. Do you remember when they reported him missing on the news?"

"March 20th," he said. Stephen recalled easily; Tony Stark's disappearance during a race in India was all anyone was talking about for a week. "So just over a month ago."

She nodded and flipped to another X-ray photo. "Fits the timeline of how long Steffen and Jada have been here, too. They came a few days after that, if I recall correctly."

Stephen nodded and, as he stared blankly at the X-ray, found himself falling into his thoughts. Tony Stark—until very recently a weapons manufacturer, and who, until very recently, Stephen would have turned away if given the chance. Granted, he wasn't quite at the point where he could easily turn away patients to other neurosurgeons. He was certain he'd be there in two to three years in both the level of demand for his services and his influence with the hospital's administration. But even then, even as a neurosurgeon who was still growing in prestige, if someone had asked him a year ago if he wanted to operate on Tony Stark, he would have said no.

That was a year ago. That was before Tony Stark got kidnapped by terrorists for three months and came back ending all weapons production in his company. That was before he became some sort of—Stephen didn't want to use the word superhero, but he didn't know what else to call it.

Stephen had no idea what he thought of Tony Stark now. He had little reason to consider him beyond the gossip on TV and within the office. But now here he was, forced to be part of a team to help keep him alive.

Mind boggling.

He exhaled softly and focused again on the cropped X-ray on the screen. His opinion on the billionaire, whatever it was, hardly mattered right then. Whether he wished it or not, Tony Stark was his patient and as such, he would do his best to perform his duty as a doctor. Whether that meant simply helping out with samples or performing what would be a long and complicated surgery remained to be seen.

— — — — — —

The race in India is from a ridiculous limited edition tie-in comic that I could only find information about on the 2010 timeline on the MCU Wiki. It made a great plot device though.

I figure I’ll also say that Tony’s coming in the next chapter. I have a few hundred words written on that, but I’m still trying to figure out just how badly I want to treat the protagonists and if I’m the bad guys are just going to start murdering doctors. And all named characters in this series, canon and OC, have PhDs, so there’s lots of doctors to potentially murder.

Lil tidbit: When I realized that this prompt fill was going to become A Monster, I knew I wanted each part to have a name. So before publishing the first part, I went through my Spotify favorites and wrote down all my favorite lyrics in a document. This document has now grown into nearly 5,000 words of possible lyric titles for chapters and fics.

(Feel free to try and guess where the titles come from if you want. The serial name and each part are full or partial lyrics from favorite songs)

Tag list: @sobeautifullyobsessed, @tashacumberbitch @babywarg, @nishtha3012, @ragingstillness, @walkin-in-the-cosmos, @lafourmii20, @asexualchemist, @iveneverbeenmorestressedinmylife, @oo0-will-of-the-wisp-0oo , @animefanfreak45

Let me know if you want to be tagged for future updates in a comment (as it won't be on AO3 for a while and has no steady update schedule planned). Or let me know if you want to be removed.

[cerezsis]

The Missing Link

Chapter Three: Jia

Summary: Amon and the Equalists have taken over Republic City. No bender is safe. So why is one just out in the open?

--

           The empty streets of Republic City were even more desolate and hostile under the guise of night. Not even a week had passed since the Equalist’s terroristic takeover, but it felt like so much longer. Benders were being rounded up and taken to Amon every day. People caught protecting benders were also hauled away, taken to spirits knows where. It was a terrifying chapter in the city’s history, that much was certain. Their only hope now was the United Forces, and the Avatar.

           As she continued to drive down the slush-covered streets, the fifty-something-year-old woman spared a glance at the rear-view mirror. Her dark blue eyes looked so tired, fatigued by currents affairs. She longed for the comfort of her own bed, for her head to rest on her husband’s chest as they drifted off to sleep. That, however, wouldn’t come any time soon.

           As she was about to look back at the empty road, something caught her eye. Her stomach dropped and her grip on the steering wheel tightened as she realized what was coming up behind her.

           Monkey feathers!

           She tried to stay calm. Maybe they were just patrolling. Maybe they would leave her alone. However, as their motorcycles drew closer and closer, she realized she wasn’t to be so lucky. Taking a deep breath, she pulled off to the side of the road, stepping out of the car with her hands in the air.

           “What do you want?” she asked, her voice steady and without the fear she felt pulsating through her being.

           The two equalists got off their bikes. Judging by their builds, she guessed they were both male.

           “Identify yourself,” one of them ordered.

           “Kaida, daughter of Suki and former councilman Sokka, and owner and operator of Kaida’s Academy of Martial Arts and Self Defense. I’m a non-bender. What do you want with me?”

           The two men stood, taking in the information.

           “Kaida, huh?” the shorter equalist pondered, “We’ve heard of you.” He and his partner put their hands on the bolas they had stored in their belts, not drawing them but making sure the woman in front of them could see they had them. “And we’ve heard of your twin sister; the waterbender.”

          “We’re familiar with the whole family. Her husband’s a waterbender, their daughters are waterbenders, and your older sister’s firstborn is a firebender.” He paused as they both took a step closer, a clear attempt at intimidation. “Tell us where we can find them, and you’ll be free to go.”

           “I have no idea,” she said, still showing no outward signs of fear, “I haven’t heard from them since you goons took over.” She lowered her arms, looking the two men square in the eye. “And since you haven’t either, my guess is they’ve fled the city. I have no idea where they could be.”

           The two equalists looked at each other. Given the family’s high profile, it was common knowledge that the three who lived in the city weren’t the only sisters; the eldest of them lived in the Southern Water Tribe, and the second eldest lived on Kyoshi Island. Sure, they could still be in the city, but them having fled was equally possible. There was no way to be sure in that moment. They were at a standstill.

           “May I go now?” the ever-growing impatient woman asked, “It’s been a long day, and I’d like to go home.”

           The men nodded at each other and took their hands off their weapons.

           “Don’t think we won’t be talking to you again.”

           “Oh, I’m sure you will. Goodnight.” She turned around, reaching her hand out to open the car door. Seeing this, one of the equalists was hit with a realization. In one quick motion, he reached for his bolas, using it to grab the wrist of the woman in front of him.

           “What are you doing!?” the now taken aback woman demanded.

           “Uh, what are you doing?” the confused equalist asked.

           “Kaida is right-handed.”

           Her stomach plummeting, the woman looked down, seeing her left hand on the car’s handle.

           Before the other equalist had time to react, Jia sprung into action. Using her unbound hand, she took advantage of the damp streets, and in one swift motion, a sharp slice of ice freed her from the bolas’ grasp. She ducked down just in time for the other equalist to draw his weapon, aiming for her, but instead hitting the car’s window, shattering the glass.

           Kaida’s gonna kill me for that, Jia cringed.

           Maneuvering her way out of the attack range, she bent as much water off the streets as she could. Immediately, she realized it wasn’t enough. As the men in front of her swung their weapons, she knew this was a fight she couldn’t win. She was outnumbered, low on ammo, and not to mention, there were pressing matters at hand.

           “I don’t have time for this!” the waterbender shouted as she thrusted what little water she had at the men, knocking them down. “You know who I am! You know my profession! One of my patients is showing signs of pre-eclampsia, and I need to get to the hospital!” She swallowed hard. There was only one way out of this fight – one way they’d let her do what she needed to do. “If you let me attend to me patient, if you let me save mother and child… I’ll go with you willingly. I’ll surrender and allow Amon to take my bending.”

           She studied the men closely. Though she couldn’t see their faces, she could tell by how long they looked at each other that this was a first for them.

           “Do we have a deal?”

           The seconds passed slowly, too slowly for Jia’s liking. Finally, they nodded at each other and stood up.

           “There will be no funny business from you tonight,” one of them said, “If you double cross us, we know where to find your sisters. We will find them, and we won’t have mercy on them, or their children. Understand?”

           Jia nodded. “We’ve wasted enough time. I need to get to the hospital.”

           She walked past them, appearing as calm as ever as she got into the now damaged car. The two equalists got on their motorcycles, and they followed her to the hospital. Jia pulled into the staff parking lot, parking the car in the first spot she found. It wasn’t as packed as it usually was, the missing cars, Jia quickly noticed, all having belonged to the waterbending staff.

           As she stepped out of the car, the equalists hopped off their bikes, following her as she made her way to the staff entrance. With the door just a few feet away, she suddenly stopped and turned around.  

           “Oh no, absolutely not. You’re not coming in here.”

           Even without seeing their faces, Jia knew they were glaring at her.

           “And why is that?”

           “Why? This is a hospital, not an Equalist hangout! We may have a deal, but I will not compromise patient safety and privacy.” She crossed her arms, her eyes narrowing into a glare. “So, unless you plan on holding the placenta for me, you’re not coming in.”

           The two men cringed, very clearly disgusted as they glanced at each other.

           “Remember what I said earlier,” the taller equalist said, his composure coming back to him, “We will find your sisters if you double cross us. We’ll be waiting for you right. Here.”

           “Oh, of course.” Her arms fell and she held them behind her back. “Now if you excuse me, I have a job to do.” She spun around, turning her back to them as she walked through the double doors.

--

           The rush of the running water was the only sound in the hospital locker room. Scrubbing her hands vigorously, Jia looked up at her reflection. Her dark brown hair was now pinned up and hidden under the bright blue surgical cap. She knew her sister didn’t have the same practical reason for wearing her hair up high, but it still baffled her why she wore hers so low. They may have the same face, but they had such different tastes in style.

           Kaida put her life on the line to hide me and my family. Why am I critiquing her hair style right now?

           Her light brown hands scrubbed nearly raw, Jia reached for the hand towel.

           I wonder if they’ll let me go after they take my bending. Or will they hold me hostage? She wondered, Imnek won’t risk the girls’ safety; he’s not stupid. Akina would never give up her son like that, and Kaida wouldn’t betray her family, or put Kirika’s life on the line by revealing she’s been hiding us in the academy’s basement… but I wouldn’t put it past her or Akina to do something equally stupid to save me.

           Her hands now dry, she forced the thought out of her mind as she turned and left the locker room.

           It’ll be ok. You’ll be ok. Bending doesn’t define who you are. You’ll still be Jia, even without bending.

           The halls of the hospital were long. Having worked there for over twenty years, she knew them well. She’d attended to many mothers, delivered many babies. More than she could possibly count. Her greatest breakthroughs were made within these walls. Nay, the world’s greatest breakthroughs. It was because of her research – combining her tribe’s ancient healing practices with modern medicine – that the nation’s maternal and infant mortality rates dropped so significantly. She accomplished so much, saved so many lives…

           You can still do that. You can still be a doctor without bending… albeit, not as efficiently. But you can still teach your methods to new doctors. You can still be on the research board. Lives will still be saved. Your research won’t go in vein.

           She rounded the corner and walked into her patient’s room, pushing her thoughts down and putting a comforting smile on her face. The heavily pregnant woman laid in bed, gripping her husband’s hand. It took only one look to determine just how nervous they were.

           “We’re almost ready to take you back,” Jia said, her voice calm and professional, “Do you have any further questions?”

           The woman looked to her husband, before sheepishly glancing at Jia. “Are you certain this is safe? Will I be able to have more children after this?”

           Jia walked closer to her, grinning with assurance. This procedure was still relatively new, so it wasn’t uncommon for women undergoing it to be nervous, especially first-time mothers.

           “It’s 100% safe and shouldn’t affect future fertility. I’ve seen many mothers go on to have more children after a surgical delivery.” Though her words calmed the couple significantly, she still saw worry in their eyes. “I can assure you, you’re in the best hands possible. My team and I have performed this procedure thousands of times. I even underwent it myself when I had my youngest.”

           The woman was intrigued. “Oh?”

           Jia nodded. “Yep. See, rather than present head, or even feet first, my daughter decided she wanted to lay sideways,” she explained, gesturing her hands across her stomach to illustrate her point.

           “Oh my!”

           Jia chuckled and shook her head. “That’s kids for you. Always gotta be different.”

           The mere thought of her children gave her a sense of calm. Even if she was a lost cause, they would be safe. And once this was over, they’ll be able to go back home, go back to some kind of normalcy.

          Losing your bending doesn’t mean losing everything. You’ll still be a doctor. You’ll still be Nasak and Uki’s mother. You’ll still have your family. You’ll still be you. Amon can’t take that away from you.

           “We both made it through the procedure in good health,” Jia continued, “She’s a perfectly healthy teenager now, head of her school’s drama club and everything. You and your child will make it through, too.”

           The couple grinned, visibly more relaxed. Before more could be said, two nurses came in, wheeling in a bed to transport the patient.

           “Looks like we’re ready for you. It’s almost time to meet your baby.”

           The woman gave a genuine smile and looked to her husband. “We’re almost parents!”

           Her husband gave her a gentle kiss before the nurses started helping her onto the new bed.

           Everything’s going to be ok... I hope.  

--

           The cold of the night became increasingly evident the longer the two equalists waited outside. It was one thing to be constantly on the move in this cold, but just sitting around waiting was something else entirely.

           “Isn’t she done yet?” the taller of the two complained, rubbing his hands together, “How long does it take to deliver a baby?”

           “You’d be surprised. When my nephew was born, it–” He cut himself off. His posture stiffened as realization hitting him like a frate train, something his companion immediately took notice of.

           “What, you forget you were supposed to babysit or something?”

           The other man didn’t respond right away. He briefly debated if he even should.

           “… I’ve told you the story, right? When my sister was nine months pregnant, she was suddenly convinced something was wrong. She tried to tell the doctors, but they brushed her off. Something about nerves and being a first-time mother… but one finally listened to her.” His head hung low as he continued the story. “Turns out, she was in the early stages of placenta abruption. Dr. Jia admitted her to the hospital right away, and thank the spirits she did. Just two days later, she started hemorrhaging. If she hadn’t already been in the hospital, she would’ve bled out. It happened so fast…” He looked up at his companion. “Dr. Jia saved her life. She saved my nephew’s life. I didn’t remember her face until now. I didn’t know this Jia…”

           The other equalist looked to him in sympathy. The two had known each other for a long time now. He’d even met this sister, briefly. He knew she and her baby were the only family he had. He knew they meant the world to him.

           No other words were exchanged for the longest time. The only sound to be heard was that of the wind, and the occasional passing car.

           “So… what do you wanna do?”

--

           Jia stood in the hallway, staring at the exit. Her patient had delivered a healthy baby boy. Mother and child were in the clear, and both were doing well. At this point, Jia was comfortable enough to leave them in the care of the non-bending staff. Which meant she was out of time.

           Taking a deep breath, she held her head high as pushed open the double doors. If nothing else, she would face this nightmare with dignity and honor.

           As the night air hit her skin, Jia’s heart nearly stopped in shock. No one was there. The motorcycles were even gone. She was alone.

           She looked around, careful not to let her guard down. They could still be there, ready to ambush her. It was when she spun around in the direction of the car that she noticed it; a piece of paper tucked underneath the windshield wiper. Approaching with caution, she walked over and picked it up. Her eyes widened as she read the words, unsure of that to make of it.

           Wrong person. Sorry.