#it's nice :) obviously not as easy to do solo though. i'm just talking about people who make videos with friends here

[prismit]

gaming youtubers should stop trying to be funny and go back to just having a good time with their friends while screen recording

[chimggukchim]

But it will not and cannot be what it was before. Because these two have their separate lives now to live as well. Will they involve each other in their big moments? I have no doubt they will. And yes, they might spend time with each other's friends as well because that's how normal friendships work.

uhhh the same thing could literally be said about jikook. they've changed and that's ok, even the entire jikooker space was full of speculation about the "change" after AYS started airing because it was that obvious to everyone that they were different as a duo. Never did I think the same jungkook that planned a whole trip to tokyo and only bought jimin gifts, would in the future not be bothered to show up for jimin's solo work even when asked and that the two hanging out on tour every night together would only see each other because they filmed a travel show. I still think they're important in each other's lives, obviously they find comfort in each other's presence to enlist together which thankfully is exactly why the buddy system exists, but I do think their friendship has changed over time and I think jimin especially (like RM with team RM) leaned on other relationships when he was hurting, feeling depressed, and going through deep stuff. I'm glad jimin was able to find people who really understood him and could help him work through all that during that time. And that's fine too, friendships change over time and fill different needs.

People were really weird about the changes in AYS, making up theories about them breaking up or one being mad at the other or whatever other messy stuff, but I think it was just two friend who hadn't been on camera or seen each other in a while trying to find their footing again. Luckily I think they have the kind of friendship that can find its footing relatively easy, you know like that friend you haven't seen in years, but after a couple hours of chatting its like you're back to your old selves with each other.

I would have agreed with you had it not been for the fact that these takes are completely inaccurate. Nice try. Firstly, I don't know what jikooker space you were in (unless you're just trying to gaslight) but everyone was enjoying the content, celebrating jikook being together and being cute together. Not one jikooker I saw ever said, "Well...jikook are awkward and so clearly they're broke up".

And change? Different? Did we even watch the same content? The only thing different with AYS versus other content was that we were now getting just two members and not seven who could have played off of each other. It's also why the vibe totally changed when Tae came on...because just one more person meant 4 different dynamics to showcase as opposed to one.

Your point on JK not bothering to show up for Jimin at all? Really? Now where, when and how did we come to that conclusion?

Firstly, I don't know how new you are to the fandom but do you know that when Jimin was shooting for Serendipity and recording it, he purposely told the members he didn't want anyone there because it would be awkward for him?

The truth is when it comes to someone's art, sometimes they want to experience it by themselves even though they may have a significant other. Sometimes, it's easier for them to sound off of people not their SO.

But I personally believe that Jimin did share part of his journey with Jungkook - JK was clearly joking around in their Festa dinner when he 'accused' Jimin of sharing his song with others and not him, if the giant a$$ smirk he had on while saying it is anything to go by. He freaking also recorded Letter. Plus, if Jimin didn't reveal in the MiniMoniMusic interview that he, JK and Yoongi had met up, we wouldn't have known it happened. So clearly, these boys all meet many, many times and we just aren't privy.

Just because they don't talk about something publicly with fans does not mean it did not happen.

Jimin and Jungkook did actually see each other during their solo projects, and much more than we would be led to believe.

Next, Jimin, Jungkook, Joon and everybody else in BTS and beyond are in their right to lean on others for support and advice. And clearly they do (everyone has their own little circle of friends apart from the group after all...including jikook) but when did that ever mean they don't also lean on each other?

Here in the real world, a person's significant other isn't their be all end all for comfort, contact and conversation. But they are a big part of it, which I still firmly believe Jikook are for each other.

Because, like you said, they did CHOOSE to enlist together, because of that very same support that you tried to deny they are to each other. Because in no way would they have chosen the hardest route in the military otherwise. It's also a decision they would have made way before AYS was a thing, and during its filming as well.

Anyone who saw the Sapporo leg of their show, which was just weeks from their enlistment, could see the emotion there.

So, thank you for trying to firstly sneak your points in, you know, the 1. Jikook are friends/it's friendship, and 2. They're the same as taekook and changed.

But I'll stick to what I have personally seen, which is, yes, Jikook's relationship has changed over the years - it's just gotten stronger, more intimate, more supportive.

[nolita-fairytale]

make my heart surrender | carmy berzatto x fem!reader | chapter three: thursday

pairing: carmen berzatto x fem!reader

warnings: lots of swearing, angst, use of she/her pronouns, allusions to sex, eventual smut, no use of y/n, second person pov, mentions of death/mikey's suicide

word count: 3.4k

summary: you and carmy finally find some time to catch up and carmy begins to realize that you're more similar than he thinks.

a/n: thank you to all who are reading, reblogging, and commenting omg. i'm so grateful that someone wanted to read this story. i wrote it in a week because i couldn't get these two out of my head. they were begging to be put on the page. i also have a companion playlist that i'll release when the story is done because i don't want to spoil anything! comment below if you'd like to be added to this story's taglist. i did presumptuously add a few of you i've interacted with, so please let me know if you'd also like to be taken off of it.

read: part two | masterlist

Thursday

You’re grateful that by day three, you’d been able to smooth over some of the tension between you and Carmy. You even looked forward to catching up with him, if the two of you can swing it. Instead of going home early, you had jumped on the line this evening. Ebra was out for the night and Marcus had asked to fly solo on prep so that you could give him some feedback before lunch service tomorrow morning. 

It was an easy decision, to fill in and jump on the line. After all, you had checked your bag on the plane so that you could bring your knife roll with you, just in case. There was something about this kitchen – the energy and the people – that you wanted to stick around for. And it didn’t hurt that you got to spend a little extra time with Carmy. When he was in his element, expediting and leading this kitchen… he was… breathtaking. 

“Damn, nice knife, Jeff” Tina comments, checking out the santoku you’re running through some parsley. She can hear the crisp, clean cuts you're making, which is what caught her attention in the first place.

“Jeff?” you question, shooting her a look. 

“Long story, but trust me. It’s a term of endearment,” Sydney interjects, from her side of the prep station. 

You chuckle, “She’s a beauty alright. My first fully Japanese knife. Though the steel is a bitch to take care of. That’s for sure.”

“What do you mean?” Tina questions further. 

“Well, it’s just a kind of metal alloy that’s super prone to-,” you start, completing your sentence at the same time as Sydney chimes in.

“Rusting,” you both say in unison, sharing a look. 

“Huh,” Tina sounds, suddenly losing interest. “I don’t get it. It’s more work to take care of? Our shit’s part-plastic and does the job just fine.”

“Oh but she’s so smooth,” you playfully swoon, referring to how beautifully the knife performs for you. 

“It’s all about the performance, T,” Sydney adds. 

Tina hums in response, still unconvinced by you and Sydney’s admiration for the fancy tools. 

“So you and Carmy. How’d you meet Jeff?” Tina inquires further geturing her knife towards Carmy’s expediting station, and eliciting another laugh from you and Sydney.

“Uhhhh… we both worked at the same restaurant in New York. I came in to stage and the competitive jerk tried to smoke me. Thought he could show me it was his territory.”

“Like a little bitch,” Tina teases, the shade evident in her voice.

“And you kicked his ass obviously,” Sydney suggests, hopefully. 

“Mhm,” Tina adds in agreement.

“Oh absolutely,” you answer, deviously. “I walked out with a job that night. Carmy and I are the classic kitchen staff case of… enemies turned good friends.” 

You look up from your station, noticing an exchanged look between Sydney and Tina. 

It’s the kind of look that says, Just friends, huh?

“Alright, alright. Enough with the girl talk, gossip girls. News flash: no one gives a shit about fuckin’ Tom Colicchio and Padma Whatserface over here,” Richie interrupts, referring to the you and Carmy, as he passes by with a few empty storage containers on the way to the dishwashing station. 

“Asshole / Fuck off, Richie,” Sydney and Tina shout back at the same time. 

“Hey! Listen up, everyone! Fire two spaghettis, two short ribs, one chicken,” Carmy calls out to the kitchen. You listen attentively, hearing the chorus of the entire kitchen repeat the order back to him, punctuating the order with a ‘heard.’ 

You smile to yourself, as you enjoy the feeling of falling into such a familiar rhythm. 

You’ve missed working in the kitchen, and you’ve missed working in the kitchen with Carmy. This was so different than any of the bullshit you’ve been through together – even when he is arguing or yelling at someone. It’s not some sterile environment that looks more like a science lab or an operation room than it does a kitchen.

No, this place has soul. 

Between the crass kitchen banter, the less than flattering nicknames, and its wild cast of characters, it’s only day three and you feel right at home. Dinner service flies by and you’re eager to check in with Marcus by the end of the shift. Before taking your apron off, you head over to his corner of the kitchen. 

“Hey, how’s everything going, chef?” you ask, curiously. 

“Good, chef,” he answers proudly. “I got the brioche covered and ready to rise overnight and I prepped the cake donuts so we’re ready to roll tomorrow morning. I went with a blueberry cake donut this time around.” 

“Sounds great. I can’t wait to try it, chef,” you reply. “Need anything from me before I head out for the night?”

“Oh no, uh, I’m almost done here,” Marcus answers, inspiring confidence in his ability. “Just workin’ on a curd for the filling, chef. Just like you taught me.”

“Alright,” you chuckle, tickled by how excited he is. “Have a good night, chef.” You pause, wondering if your words will be totally lost on him. “And make sure you get some rest tonight, okay?” 

He responds with a nod, as you leave his station.

You make your way to the locker area, hanging your apron up, and slipping off your kitchen sneakers, before taking a seat on the bench. It looks like most of the kitchen staff got a head start on you and have already left, or are out of their kitchen clothes and ready to head home. There’s a strange feeling in your heart. You haven’t felt this kind of… community… in a professional kitchen in a long time and you try your best to name what it is you’ve felt was missing. 

“Hey,” you hear a voice say, pulling you from your thoughts. 

“Hey,” you say to Carmy. 

He removes his apron, folding it over his forearm. It sits further down his arm, right near his tattooed hand, you notice, as he leans his side against the lockers. 

“Thanks for jumpin’ in… you know… on the line tonight,” he starts his gaze practically piercing through your soul. 

“Yeah, it’s uh, no problem,” you reply, placing your knife roll and kitchen shoes back into your locker. “I had fun.”

“You uh, you still want to go for that drink?” he asks, shyly. 

You smile. 

“Yeah.”

*

“It’s fucked up,” Carmy shakes his head in disbelief. 

“Oh please. What?” you groan, shooting him a look.

“You’ve been in my city for… what three days now and you already have a hookup at one of the hardest to get into bars here,” Carmy replies, eliciting a laugh from you. 

“Oh my god,” you sigh with a playful eye roll. “I’m a New Yorker, asshole. You know that’s how we do it.” 

He shakes his head again, before locking eyes with you, “You were always better at it than me.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry. Are you, Carmen Berzatto, finally admitting that I’m better at something than you? Can you say it again, and I’m just going to-.” you tease, playfully, pulling out your phone as if you’re going to film him saying it. 

“Oh shut up…” he shoots back, gently pushing your phone away from his face. 

“I mean, you could always make friends with anyone. The bodega guy downstairs. The fuckin’ bodega cat. Our favorite butcher? ‘S why we always got the good cuts of meat when we cooked together on our days off.” 

“Which is exactly why I do it,” you point out. 

You had always been so magnetic to him. It’s something that he’s always admired about you – something that always reminded him of Mikey. 

“No, I-, I used to be a regular at this bar when I was working at Gramercy Tavern – actually, I think it closed right before you came to New York. Anyways, found out my favorite bartender moved to Chicago and I sent him a message letting him know I’d be in town. Said he’d get us in even if they were booked up, and,” you gesture towards where the two of you are sitting together, “Et voila!” 

Carmy takes a look around. He hasn’t been in a fine dining establishment since he left New York. It’s as if all the fancy awards and all the dues he’s paid cooking in the best restaurants in the entire world don’t matter anymore. He feels so out of place: the people, the over-the-top cocktails, the overpriced bowls of food called something fancy to justify the high price point. 

“From the kitchen” your bartender had said curtly, a mere few minutes ago. He had placed a few plates in front of the two of you to share that you most certainly didn’t order.

You both had thanked the bartender, before digging into the large bowl of soup, stracciatella, and focaccia bread on the plate. You rip off pieces of bread, dipping them into the salty broth, popping them into your mouth. Carmy’s much more of a gentleman about it, using his spoon to try the soup first. You had only planned on drinking here, but your friend at The Aviary had really come through. You’re sure it doesn’t hurt that you’re here with Carmy, and that these guys definitely know who Carmy is. 

“So…” you start, taking a sip of whatever fizzy strawberry gin thing you’d ordered earlier. “I feel like there are a lot of long stories I’d like to hear.” 

Carmy makes a sound in agreement before taking a sip of his drink. It’s just bourbon on the rocks, and you wonder when he started drinking bourbon like this.

“I mean… we could start here. How the hell are ya?” you ask. 

“I…” he starts, before trailing off. He buries his face in his hands, dragging his fingertips across his forehead. “It’s uh, it’s been a long couple of months. Christ. The restaurant was a goddamn mess, everyone hated my fuckin’ guts. And then Syd showed up and, well, she’s been a big help.” 

You wait a beat before saying, “As much as I want to hear about the restaurant, Carm, I mean how are you doing?”

Your words stop him, and he looks up at you with those baby blue eyes. He takes his time thinking about it, shrugging before muttering something along the lines of, “I’m okay, I guess.”

He’s searching for the right words to explain how the hell he’s even supposed to answer that question.

“I don’t know. Guess I thought if I fixed the restaurant, if I could fix it-. Maybe I could fix him,” he drags out. 

He waits a few beats before finally admitting:

“I miss him. Mikey. And I found out all kinds of shit about him that I-, well, shit I didn’t know. I think-, I think it’s why he kept me away. Why he shut me out.”

You listen as he begins to fill you in: about Mikey, the drugs, the debt he inherited that he now owes to Cicero, how hard it was to win over the kitchen staff that, come hell or high water, weren’t interested in changing their ways. And then he tells you about the meetings he's been going to -- the al-anon meetings. And you begin to understand. While he’s the same old Carmy, this isn’t the exact same Carmy that you knew in New York. The Carmy you knew in New York never would’ve gone to those meetings. He would’ve brushed it off and pretended there wasn’t a problem and taken as much punishment as he could in the kitchen instead of dealing with what he was feeling.

Mikey’s death, and coming home, and this restaurant, it’s all changed him. 

And maybe, just maybe, it’s part of the reason why, after months of no contact, he reached out to you now, but he’s not sure if he should tell you that yet.

You’ve got to give it to him. If anything, he’s exceptionally talented at cutting people out of his life. It’s his M.O – the only thing that’s been consistent in his life – even when those people didn’t deserve it. It’s what he knows to do. It’s something he’s learned… from Mikey, from his dad… 

But this… what he’s telling you, these are stories of connection and community. 

“And Syd’s really helped me pull this shit together. She's kinda like... the glue, y'know? I- I don’t know where we’d be without her,” Carmy concludes.

You agree. Syd is brilliant. You can see just from having been in that kitchen that she’s been the biggest catalyst for the changes — even his.

“I know you only asked me to come for pastry but I’m glad you let me jump in on the line tonight,” you say. “It’s cool to see what you’re doing now and… I don’t know. I know it was a rocky start, but you’ve got something here. Something that could be really, really good, Carm. You’re making real fucking food. Like your mom’s chicken. I haven’t forgotten about that.” 

“How can you remember that?” Carmy asks, a little surprised, his eyes lighting up. He’d almost forgotten that he’d once made it for you while you were both still in New York.

You nod, “Best chicken piccata I’ve had in my life.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Hands down.”

“You know,” you start, a mischievous tone in your voice. “If I recall correctly, you made me some pretty bomb meals back in New York. And didn’t I say something along the lines of you really shining when-?”

“Oh no,” he groans. “Not this again.”

“I’m just saying!” you justify, innocently. “When you cook the food you grew up with, Carm, you’re at your very best. And don’t get me wrong. You’re an exceptional chef, regardless of what you do but-.”

“So what? You’re gonna say ‘I told you so?’” he questions, shooting you a look. 

You shrug, playfully, “I can’t help it if I’m right all the time,” earning an eye roll from him. 

“Especially when it comes to you.”

He’s quiet for a moment, because you do know him. You’ve seen sides of him he’s barely let anyone else see. It feels good and terrifying all at once to be seen this clearly.

“Yeah, well, you always were a little more Mozza than French Laundry, huh?” he shoots back, referencing your difference in preference. While Mozza was more family style, The French Laundry, a restaurant Carmy had worked at once upon a time, was anything but. 

“Yeah. Who knew one day we’d switch places?” you reply, a sadness in your voice. Were you… envious of what Carmy had? Was this what you were looking for?

“So uh, you gonna tell me what the hell happened with the restaurant?” Carmy asked, changing the subject – changing the subject to you. 

You sigh, you raise your drink to your lips, finishing the rest of what’s in the glass in one go. 

“That bad, huh?”

“No!” you’re quick to reply. “Well, yes. But no. But yeah….” 

Carmy flags the bartender down, ordering another round for the two of you. 

You’re not even sure where to begin in regards to the existential crisis of sorts that you’ve been having, so you just tell him what happened. 

“I was juicing blood oranges one day. And-, you know we were going to take the juice and do all that fancy gastronomy shit with it… turn it into like, the same consistency of ‘dew in the early morning’…” you began to explain, quoting what your head pastry chef had said that day.  

“And I’m sitting there thinking… what the hell am I doing? I mean, who eats food like this?! Who wants to eat a drop of blood orange juice that’s been turned into the consistency of dew in the early mornings? Like, why the fuck can’t I just make the best blood orange olive oil cake anyone’s ever had, and that be enough, you know?”

“And. I don’t know. It got me thinking a lot about the kind of food I want to make, and what that would mean, and what does any of this shit even mean? Fast forward to a week later, and I don’t feel like I have a fuckin’ clue about what I want to do with my life and I’m quitting the restaurant.”

You pause, noticing that he’s just been listening attentively this whole time.

“I’m tired, Carm,” you admit. “I mean. I’m burnt the hell out. I just. I don’t want to work this hard for something that- something that I’m not even sure I believe in anymore.”

Another beat. 

“I know it sounds totally insane but-.”

“No! No, it doesn’t,” Carmy interrupts, quick to reassure you, as he reaches for your hand. Your eyes flicker from his hand on yours, the small tattoo above his wrist, then back to him, feeling the loss of body heat as he pulls his hand back only a moment later. 

“I feel like I’ve been thinkin’ about a lot of the same shit,” he admits, empathizing with you. 

“I just feel… kind of lost,” you say, and it’s the first time you’ve said it out loud. “I do. I-, I’ve been feeling really lost lately.”

In all the time he’s known you, never could he have expected you to feel lost. He wondered if he’d just put you on a pedestal. You had always been this stunningly charismatic, charming person that could walk into any room and in minutes, have everyone wrapped around your finger. For so long he denied any feelings for you because he knew you were unattainable – that someone like you could ever want someone like him felt impossible. Wouldn’t you be better off with one of those Wall Street assholes that came into the restaurant all the time – wining and dining their clients with their expensive wristwatches and fancy town cars?

But hearing you say it – that you feel lost – it reminds him that you’re only human too. 

He waits another beat, guilt filling up his throat, before he speaks again. 

“I should’ve been there for you. I’m sorry.”

There’s an earnestness in his voice that makes you want to trust him. Sure, it seems like he’s been apologizing to you for three days straight, but you want to listen. 

You take another sip of your drink. 

“I started volunteering at a Brooklyn community garden so I could like, pull my head out of my ass,” you share with him. 

“Did it help?”

You shrug, “Yeah, a little bit.”

It helped, but it hadn’t fixed anything. You feel like you can confide in him, especially since he told you that he was going to meetings.

“My therapist actually encouraged me to come here,” you confess, gauging his reaction as the words flow from your mouth. “Get out of dodge. Get a change of scenery… give myself some time to think.”

“We both know you do a little too much of that,” he teases gently, and you chuckle. 

Between Carmy’s avoidance, and your neuroses, you’re quite the pairing. 

“Yeah.”

Carmy pauses, not sure if he has the words to give you the explanation you deserve, but he’s going to try. 

“I had… a lot goin’ on. When I got back. And I didn’t know….” He pauses before continuing. “I didn’t know how to do it all at once. How to handle, you know… everything at the same time.”

And it’s just easier to avoid everything – to avoid you, to avoid the way I feel about you, he thinks to himself.

And it’s exactly what he did, he pushed you away, and pushed any and all feelings or thoughts about you into a dark hole, never to be acknowledged ever again. 

Until you quit your job. Until his phone call with Tim. Until his phone call with you. 

“I know, Carm. I know you’re sorry and I appreciate the apology,” you start, taking a breath. “It’s just that-.  I need you to know...” 

You pause, suddenly feeling like you’re in the middle of an anxiety dream where you realize you’re not wearing any pants.

“I need you to know that it hurt. It… it really hurt. Not hearing from you. Being cut out like that.”

“I know,” he admits, remorsefully. “I’m gonna be better. At least I’m trying to be.” 

“I really want to believe that,” you say, softly. 

But I don’t want to get hurt again, you think to yourself.

He looks at you, a soft, shy smile on his face, and it makes you want to take a chance on him. 

Who are you kidding? You’d jump off of a bridge with him if he asked, even if it meant getting hurt all over again.

“Okay?” he asks, hopefully. 

You’re not sure if he’s asking if it’s okay, if you’re okay, if everything is okay between the two of you, and you wonder if he means all three.

“Okay,” you answer, quietly. 

“Okay.”

read: part four

taglist: @lazypeachsoul @bookwormvoyageuse @allthefandomstogether

[endwithajadestrick]

Who Is Fucking In Star Wars? A Non-Comprehensive List

So in honor(?) of the DDoS attack on Ao3 preventing us all from mainlining slash fic, I've decided to go horny on main and list off my opinion about 3 traits of all Star Wars characters. Our beloved Galaxy Far Far Away is a usually (tragically) chaste place, which may lead us to ponder about our faves:

Do they even know what sex is?

Have they ever actually HAD sex?

Are they any good at it?

We will not be including characters who are minors in this list. Obviously. Judgements are based somewhat on the lore, but really more on vibes. Perhaps it goes without saying, this will be lightly NSFW.

This is probably gonna take a while and stop feeling like a good idea halfway through. Which of your exes does that describe? Let's Go!!!

Starting with the big three:

Han Solo

Always begin with an easy one.

Does he even know what sex is? Yes, unlike a surprising number of people in this galaxy, Han knows how to do the do.

Has he ever had sex before? Sure (but not as often as he wants you to think). Do you, uh . . . maybe wanna get out of here and come back to his ship? She's called the Millenium Falcon.

Is he good at sex? Look. It's not going to be good the first time. He's gonna keep insisting that he "knows what he's doing," but you wish he would just let you explain what you like. He needs to be girlbossed around a little bit. And it is mostly girls for him, though the occasional guy and non-binary being has mounted that loading ramp too. His bedroom does smell kind of funny.

Luke Skywalker

This one may be controversial for some people.

Does he know what sex is? Nope. Farm boy didn't go to schmool. Skool? Am I saying that right? There were no copies of Our Bodies, Our Selves lying around the rebellion base, and you better believe the Sacred Jedi Texts did not include some kind of version of the Space Kama Sutra. Han wasn't gonna draw him a diagram either; that would be too embarrassing. This man is not learned in the pleasures of the flesh.

Has he ever had sex? Also no. He got into some light over-the-clothes action with Biggs Darklighter when they were teens, but nothing ever went any farther than that.

Is he good at sex? I'm sure a real earnest effort would be made, but we'll never know, will we. Because he DOES NOT KNOW what sex is.

Princess/General Leia Organa

Does she even know what sex is? Oh, absolutely. This woman was treated to an actual formal education. She probably even got a nice, progressive version of SexEd that talked about pleasure and consent and not just all the weird diseases you could get--assuming the Empire didn't nix that sort of thing on Alderaan, which, honestly, they might have.

Has she ever had sex? Of course. And despite being a princess, she's not that precious about courtship either. Casual flings are totally fine and normal.

Is she good at sex? Leia is mature but, like her hairstyles, can be a little tightly wound. Once you get over any initial awkwardness, though, it's sure to be a fun flirty time.

And this is Star Wars, so sooner or later we have to address--

Chewbacca

--the aliens of it all. Welcome, monster fuckers! It's not even weird in this universe!

Does he know what sex is? Chewy is canonically 234 years old as of TLJ, so I'm going to give this a definite yes. Also, he hangs out with Han Solo and all the doors in this universe appear to be panel-controlled. There are no door knobs to stick a sock on; he's SEEN some things.

Has he ever had sex? Again, 234 years old, and Chewy has never seemed like a wallflower. This is also a yes.

Is he good at it? Maz Kanata seems to think so? I don't pretend I have the predilections/imagination to get the appeal (though I honor those that do), but I'm gonna take a swing and say, yes, Chewbacca is a good lover. Solid stamina, surprisingly tender after-care.

Lando Calrissian

Does he know what sex is? Yes, and not just on a mechanical level. If anyone in this universe HAS read the Space Kama Sutra, it's Lando.

Has he ever had sex? He has. And he doesn't keep a list of all his past sexual partners because that would be crass. But he COULD tell you about each of them, names, dates, locations. But he won't. But he could.

Is he good at it? Surprisingly, yes! He may come across as a guy who is all talk, but Lando is an artist at heart and the democratically elected President of Consent. He has mood lighting set up and a tastefully curated playlist. The atmosphere is fun, the oral is enthusiastic. When you're done--wow!--there's a mini bar right near the bed. And would you like to borrow a silk robe?

Your magical evening will not prevent him from cheating you at cards later, though.

Obi-Wan Kenobi

Does he know what sex is? No. He learned once, but has since memory-holed the information. Otherwise he might accidentally experience some pleasure from the stick up his bum.

Has he ever had sex? Many beings have made valiant efforts to claim this beautiful man as a conquest. All have failed, but there was much exquisite yearning along the way.

Is he good at it? Hypothetically? Alas, my heart wants to say yes, but my head says no.

Padmé Amidala

Does she know what sex is? Look at this dress. This dress is a CHOICE, a ruthless tactical decision made by someone who definitely knows what sex is.

Has she ever had sex? Yes, but her taste in men--oh, honey.

Is she good at it? A pillow princess if there ever was one. You will be doing all the work.

Anakin Skywalker

Does he know what sex is? No.

Has he ever had sex? Yes.

Is he good at it? . . . and I know those answers seem contradictory, but it's true. This is a man who has had normal, consensual adult sex. However, baby boy's brain is full of more holes than a colander. He is dummy thick actually in the head region. He is incapable of retaining complex thoughts such as the nuances of sexuality.

That said, he is a creature of pure instinct and, like, yeah, the lovemaking is pretty hot.

Mace Windu

Does he know what sex is? Yes.

Has he ever had sex? No.

Is he good at it? If it ever happened, which it won't? No, and Mace is possibly the only Sammy J character for whom this holds true. It would be strictly procreative missionary. No fun allowed.

Yoda

Does he know what sex is? Yes, he is aware. Knowledge is this little frog man's burden; Yoda is too in touch with the Force, the life energy of the universe, not to know. He WOULD not know if he could, but he has had to settle for just ignoring the information.

Has he ever had sex? You know I am genuinely stumped on this one. On one hand, he is the perfect ascetic Jedi sage. On the other hand, a nine hundred year lifespan is a long time . . . anything could have happened to this lilliputian enigma.

Is he good at it? Size matters not.

The Mandalorian

Yeah I know his name is "Din Djarin." Shush.

Does he know what sex is? I'm pretty sure this guy thinks that babies are found, not made. He does not know what sex is.

Has he ever had sex? I don't care what season one implied about Mando and that toothsome twi'lek, it's never happened. The helmet doesn't come off and the trousers don't drop.

Is he good at it? And here's the tragedy of it all, right? Because we know that underneath that impenetrable layer of beskar lies such a man. I don't even care if he's an ace, as seems plausible. Just the chance to look him in the eye would mean worlds.

Finn

Does he know what sex is? Negative, Ghost Rider. It's not something the First Order teaches their child soldiers, and the Resistance, like the rebellion of old, has bigger fish to fry. Poe wants to explain it to him, but feels like he has a dog in that race and it wouldn't be right.

Has he ever had sex? Men, women, and other beings are lining up around the corner for a shot at this man, but he only has eyes for one woman, and she in turn may be legitimately the only person in the galaxy who does not pine for him. Hang in there, Finn! Maybe one day she'll become emotionally available.

Is he good at it? While we have seen Finn makes some selfish moves along his journey--mainly because of, y'know, all the trauma--he has done a lot of growing and is an essentially generous spirit. This gets a yes.

Rey Skywalker

Does she know what sex is? Not in either The Force Awakens or The Last Jedi, but before Rise of Skywalker Leia explained it to her. She's the future of the Jedi after all, and this is basic stuff, goddammit Luke!

Has she ever had sex? Hmm, what's that? Sorry, she's super busy right now with, like, destiny and stuff.

Is she good at it? Rey seems to pick most things up fairly quickly, so you have to imagine that would hold true for l'amour as well, except that she'll also be a bit of a try-hard. Do less, sweety. Really, it's fine.

Lightning Round

Asajj Ventress

Yes, yes, and it depends on the answer to one question: do you enjoy pain?

L3-37

It Works.

Cinta Kaz

Yes, yes, and not just good but so good it will politically radicalize you.

Karis Nemik

No, which is a shame because you know that he would have made sex-positive feminism and queer theory a huge part of his manifesto.

Count Dooku

Gay, and pulled legendary numbers of exquisite vintage ass across the galaxy. It's the real reason Sidious traded him in for simple, pussy-whipped Anakin. He just couldn't take it anymore.

Luthen Rael

Hope you like role-play.

Armitage Hux

Yes, it's true; this man has no dick.

Qi'ra

Yes, yes, and good but maybe in a dangerous way? Like drugs, it's possible that you--maybe even most people--could have a healthy, well-adjusted relationship to it. But there's a chance also that it will alter your brain chemistry, fundamentally shift your priorities, and ruin your life. The only way for sure to be safe is not to try it, not even once!

The Bendu

The One in the Middle. So in this case, would that be, like, the taint?

Reva Sevander

I mean, do you like it freaky? How freaky do you like it? There are levels to this sort of thing, and you, through no fault of your own, may not be ready for this ride.

Cassian Andor

Cassian Andor fucks.

The Armorer

I tried to get a read on this one, and all I picked up was radio static. We'll never know. We'll just never know.

Rose Tico

Rose appears naive at first, but she's actually quite worldly and will rock yours.

Bo-Katan Kryze

I daresay more than 2% of us want her to sit on our face. Ms. Sackoff was really lowballing it. Bo does not know what sex is, however, and is rarely in listening-mode, so that's a hurdle we'll have to overcome.

But it's more than 2%.

Poe Dameron

Yes, yes, and does it even matter? It would be an honor just to be considered, sir.

Hera Syndulla

Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets. Apparently what Lola wants is an inexperienced, sexually repressed Jedi hotty. In this way, she is the true queen of Star Wars fandom. Captain our ship, Hera!

And Finally:

Kylo Ren

I do not understand the hold this man has on some of you--which is fine; you don't need me to understand it. He does not know what sex is, he is so horny and angry all the time. And sure, maybe you CAN fix him by completing his education. Blessings, angels. Live your fantasy.

Just promise me you'll use protection? And I don't mean a condom, I mean body armor.

[mooniefics]

AFTER CONTEMPLATING FOR SEVERAL MINUTES:

reiner braun 🤪 + “please?? just pretend we’re dating. it’s only for today, i promise!”

this is literally the cutest moonie, i'm proud of you for hitting 250!! ilysm 💖✨💕

oh my gosh i’m so sorry this took me so long,, thank u so much for the request n the congratulations mar !! very happy that my first work for this event can be for my love, our one n only reiner ♡(｡- ω -)

in all your years of knowing reiner, you couldn’t say that you’d ever once heard him sounding so frantic.

“please?? just pretend we’re dating. it’s only for today, i promise!”

those were the exact words he’d used over the phone, imploring for you to come to the official marley high ten-year reunion and pose as his girlfriend. despite how you assured him that you were certain no one would judge him for being single, he seemed adamant that it would be the exact opposite. and after a few apologies for your laughter at his predicament and a brief negotiation over his payment of getting you your favorite drink from the cafe near your workplace for the next few weeks, it was a done deal.

though you admittedly felt a twinge of anxiety upon entering the venue of chattering adults, dressed in the best semi-formal outfit you had in your closet, you could see that he was the more obviously nervous one between the two of you.

“just relax, rei.” you murmured, slipping your hand in his and giggling at the way his arm tensed, “these are your high school friends! i’m sure they’ll be surprised enough that you managed to find a nice girl like me all by yourself—“ he huffed disapprovingly, earning another small laugh, “—and only ask about your work or something.”

you barely finished your brief attempt at a pep talk when a loud voice came from somewhere by the food table. “is that you, braun?!”

reiner’s jaw shifted, a sign you’d come to learn meant him holding back a wince, turning to see a man with slicked back hair and a broad grin on his face approaching. based on his heavy-lidded gaze, paired with the red solo cup tipping dangerously horizontal in his grasp, you assumed he was quite tipsy already.

“considering how late you are, i wasn’t sure you’d even show,” he chuckled, still having to peer up at reiner despite still being taller than you, “but the more i thought about it, the more i remembered you never were the punctual type anyways.”

“great to see you too, porco..” reiner replied half-heartedly, palm already getting clammy in your grasp.

you glanced momentarily between them, deciding to come to your friend’s rescue by clearing your throat, drawing the teasing attention away from him. “actually, he was late because of me.” you flashed a smile, leaning into reiner’s side. “just wanted to look my best since i knew i was gonna be meeting his old friends.”

“holy shit..” porco muttered after a moment of silence, hazel eyes blowing wide as he stared at you like you’d disappear if he blinked even once, only breaking his gaze to turn over his shoulder and call out, “piecky, c’mere! i think reiner’s actually got a fuckin’ girlfriend!!”

you barely stifled a laugh at reiner’s low sigh of discomfort, pointedly ignoring how the people around glanced at porco’s shout. “did you seriously used to hang around with that guy?”

“no..” he grumbled back, “he hung around the people i hung around with and always gave me shit for no reason.”

“wow, rei, feeling a little feisty tonight, are we?”

he scoffed as you reached up to poke at his cheek, able to see the pink flush that had settled over his sharp features despite the dim lighting, dodging your inquiry while he looked ahead. “he’s coming back.”

putting on the smile you’d practiced so many times right back on, you caught sight of a cheerful dark-haired woman sidling over to your small group. “reiner?! you seriously got even taller? who’s this?”

you both exchanged names, offering a hand for her to shake which she eagerly took, turning to reiner for affirmation of your identity, to which he said, “yeah, she's my.. girlfriend...”

“how long have the two of you been together?”

“a couple months—”

“—almost a year.”

you quickly laughed off the sudden nerves of giving conflicting answers, turning back to reiner’s friends and recovering with, “we’re not super big on keeping track of dates. you know how time flies when you love someone.” you turned up to reiner, lips perking into a doting smile, “right?”

his cheeks flushed an even darker red, a sheepish smile brightening his expression. “right.”

“looks like you’re the only single one, pock.” pieck teased, laughing when the man rolled his eyes and huffed.

“you’re still with zeke?” reiner asked, prompting her to extend her left hand, waggling her fingers to show off the large diamond ring on her finger.

“yep, engaged for two years now!”

“apparently still too good to come to anything she invites him to.” porco grumbled in response.

“i already told you he’s on a business trip,” she frowned, taking his cup from his hand and taking a generous sip from it, “i’m sure he would’ve come if he hadn’t had somewhere else to be.”

“whatever you say..” he sighed, letting her finish his drink despite his apparent annoyance.

thankfully, your small slip up had been ignored, allowing both you and reiner to relax when the two finally turned their attention back to you. the night progressed much less turbulently than you’d previously anticipated, reiner allowing you to handle any questions directed at your relationship, not saying anything when you frequently slipped in little white lies to make everything seem more convincing. it didn’t stray terribly far from the truth, you were entirely honest about the way you’d met and the things that had made you “fall in love with him”. 

you took a strange amount of joy in posing as his significant other, just as he gave equally genuine reactions when you wrapped his arm around your shoulder or ate something from his plate of food, flustered and smiling all throughout. for a few brief moments, you almost forgot that he was meant to be pretending too. he’d seemed more than happy to see that you were getting along well with all his old friends.

you learned more about reiner in the hour that you’d been milling around the room with him than you probably ever had in the confines of the job environment that you’d met him in—intrigued to hear that he’d been the captain of the football team, feuded with the neighboring high-school’s while being head over heels for the captain of their cheer team, held the title of champion arm-wrestler for all four years he attended marley—little details that you made you would’ve never known had you never agreed to come. the unintentionally intimidating, humble, easy-to-fluster human resources manager that you’d befriended apparently used to be a total jock, always getting himself into trouble. 

and, based on how many times you’d been congratulated on managing to stick by his side for longer than a few months, you could only assume that you hadn’t even scratched the surface of discovering the entirety of reiner’s character.

eventually, your small group of four that’d you started out the night with had reconvened, tipsy from constantly sipping on spiked punch, an excited exclamation from pieck made all of you turn. “look! the photo booth finally opened up!!”

she was already rushing away for the corner of the venue before anyone could say a word, everyone following suit with a laugh as she stuffed a five dollar bill into the pay slot.

“uhh, pieck, i think this thing was only meant for two people.. max.” porco said after drawing open the curtain, earning a frown from her.

“but i want us all to take a picture together!” she slid into the booth despite the observation, turning to you, “c’mon, i’m sure we could all squeeze in if you sat on reiner’s lap.”

you felt your face flush, knowing there was no way to work around her request without raising some kind of suspicion and ruining the act you’d both somehow maintained for the entire night. “sounds like a plan..!”

you could feel how tense reiner was behind you as you got settled on his thighs, hesitating to rest his hands on either side of you while pieck and porco struggled to work the screen before them. you were starting to regret not asking if this was okay with him before agreeing, but you were sure he would’ve found some way out of the situation if he was truly uncomfortable. he only seemed to be preoccupied with the thought of making you uncomfortable, something which made a flicker of affection warm your chest.

“alright! we’ve got four pictures,” pieck announced, “starting... now! and make the first a normal one!”

the first three pictures were the standard photo booth antics—one with all of you smiling normally, one with all of you making the most ridiculous face you could think of in five seconds, and one of all of you arguing over what the third photo should’ve been.

“do something cute for the last one to make up for the messed up one!” pieck demanded through her laughter, pointing urgently at the countdown on the screen, “hurry up an’ kiss or something!!”

you turned back to look at reiner, wide golden eyes gazing down at you, obviously unprepared for the steadily escalating circumstance that was only being intensified by the chanting of “kiss, kiss, kiss!” coming from the woman who’d paid for the photos in the first place. and although you knew you had no obligation to do what she asked just because she had been so kind to you despite only meeting you tonight, or because the timer was winding down towards zero all too quickly, you still found yourself reaching out a hand to settle just under his jaw, heart racing impossibly fast when you realized he was already leaning down to meet you halfway.

his lips were still sweet with whatever juice had been mixed with alcohol, skin warm and blushing from your proximity, the hand that had been resting in your lap wandering to lace your fingers with his. the exchange didn't last nearly long enough, the click of the camera drawing you back to the cramped reality, pieck's cheers through giggles and porco's disgusted scoff for you two to get a room.

"i better be invited to your wedding!" pieck joked, reaching across you to draw open the curtains in a silent sign for you to pry yourself away from reiner.

"likewise." you replied with a smile, almost giddy with excitement as you clambered out of the photo booth.

though reiner's expression just barely passed as casual, his cheeks were burning red, even the tips of his ears flushed as the four of you waiting for the machine to dispense your photos. the function was winding down fast, and as soon as your drawn-out goodbyes were finally finished, you and reiner left, hand-in-hand, much to talk over but neither of you willing to speak until you'd reached the privacy of his car.

you turned to him, smiling in the dim glow on the lights of his dash, laughing softly at his sheepish expression, "i know you said we'd only pretend for a day but.. you think i could request a little extension?"

[copperbadge]

Forgive me if you've already written about this, but you seem to have your life together so I'm asking: how do you keep house? All the online resources seem to assume I'm a stay at home mom-- I live with myself and my cat, and work full time. How do you keep up with the messes created by yourself and the cryptids? How do you keep up with the messes that seem to just spawn?

Oh, man, such a good question. I feel like part of the answer is…I don’t? I mean I do, obviously I don’t live in rank filth, but I don’t keep as clean a house as say, my mother, or even some of my friends. 

I try to set up systems to prevent certain types of mess, which helps – I try never to leave something for later if it can be dealt with in the course of the moment, which can be wearying so not everyone’s going to handle that well. But for example, laundry – when I do it, I do every part of it. Not every article of clothing (though that too) but I stand in the laundry room and fold it there, even though my condo is only a short elevator ride away, because I know I a) fold better standing up and b) am more likely to just dump it on my bed and not fold it if I go back to my condo. So I fold all my laundry and then I take it home, and then it’s super easy to put it away! (I also have arranged my life so that putting it away is easy – the shirts go on hangers, everything else goes on open shelves or, in the case of socks, in an open box by the door). 

I don’t do the dishes every day. Why should I? I’m one human, and I don’t like having wet hands or sweaty glove hands. So when I’m done with a dish I put it in the sink and run water into it to soak, and at the end of the week I wash them all. Is it a little gross? Probably. But as long as I stay on top of it within reason, I only have to do dishes once a week and I don’t have to worry about pests. 

I vacuum when I vacuum. Sometimes my floor is not the cleanest, but what am I doing on my floor? Only walking. Hell, in the living room there’s a significant amount of floor space dedicated to being covered in loose catnip. I sweep it up if friends are coming over but otherwise that’s just The Catnip Area. It’s dry and smells nice, so why not?   

One good tip I have for Cryptid Mess in re: the litterbox is to find a cheap foam yoga mat and put it under the litterbox. It catches a lot of the litter. I do keep a dustpan and a little hand sweeper in the bathroom to sweep up the litter it doesn’t catch – I do that every evening, because if I don’t the cats get into the box and play drum solos on it all night long. I have a small trash bin near the box that all the poop and swept-up litter goes into and I empty that once a week when it gets full. 

I have never dusted once in my whole life. Obviously this is untenable if you have particulate sensitivities of some kind but I don’t, so when company is coming I do a quick vacuum and then wipe down anything that looks dusty and likely to shed it, and otherwise I am okay with a bit of dust. 

I also buy convenience items that make it easier to clean or to not-clean. I have a three-bin, wheeled cart for laundry so everything gets sorted as I take it off (trousers, socks-undies, shirts; linens always go in with socks-undies because it’s usually the smallest load) and it’s easy to get the bins to the laundry room. I have an Omega Paw litterbox so I never actually have to scoop it, just clean and refill it on occasion. All of my windowsills where the cats like to lie are covered in fabric so that the shed onto that and it traps it a bit, and then I wash those occasionally (every blanket I own is still covered in cat hair, but whatever, the hair mostly sticks to the  blanket). 

But these are all kind of very specific examples that illustrate a larger point I make a lot when it comes to living your life as a grownup: these are things that work for me because they work with the way my mind works. What is most important is to find a system that works for you. I often advise people to think about what conditions would enable them to do better at something they’d like to do better at, and then find a way to implement those conditions. Like I used to not go running as often because I hated putting socks on in the morning. So I found a pair of shoes that didn’t require socks to run in. Relatedly, my socks were getting everywhere when I kept them on a shelf with the rest of my clothes, so I put them in a drawer in my kitchen, near the door where I kept my shoes, and they stayed not only more organized but out if sight. When I put the mail on a counter after coming home, I forget it exists, so instead I open it before I go in the door, sort it in my hand into “important” and “garbage”, and put the important mail directly into my work bag, so that the following morning when I unpack my bag at work, I’ll see it and have the mental capacity to deal with it. I have an open paper bag next to my sofa that is only “dry” trash (tissues, paper, reciepts) and the garbage mail goes directly into that so I don’t even have to lift a trash lid to get rid of it. 

When I do feel like the level of ick is getting too high in my home, I set aside a weekend day to deal with it. And I spend the whole day cleaning – but I spend maybe 40% of it cleaning and the other 60% resting and rewarding myself. I clean one room at a time because that’s easiest for me, and I tend to push all the mess into one room and do that one last – so anything that shouldn’t be in the kitchen gets removed to the dining room table, ditto junk in the bedroom, and then I deal with the table all at once so that it’s its own task rather than ten thousand tiny distracting ones. Inbetween rooms I watch a movie or make myself a snack or play with the Cryptids. 

But I also know people – one of my new coworkers for example – who have totally different systems. He goes home on Friday night, FRIDAY NIGHT, when all I want to do is fucking sleep! and he cleans his WHOLE TWO BEDROOM TWO STOREY HOUSE! He starts in the room furthest from the kitchen upstairs and cleans his way down and into the kitchen. I could never. But that’s the ONLY way he can clean, he’s physically incapable of cleaning anything as he goes. So his wife does the little mess-cleans, like mid-week dishes or picking up clothing that has gone astray, on the understanding that she doesn’t have to help with the Friday Night Deep Clean Of Horror. I have other friends who have wholly different ideas of what “clean kitchen” means – for one it means there’s no messy dishes in the sink, for the other it means the counters are clear and wiped down – so they each tackle their half of the “clean” conception, one clears the counters and the other does the dishes, rather than taking turns cleaning the “whole” kitchen. They had to vocalize this to each other before they could strike that deal, though. And when you live alone, sometimes you aren’t aware of how you conceptualize things because you’re never expressing that to someone else. 

So I think it’s super important to talk to yourself, actually. To ask yourself, what does clean mean to you, and what do you just not give a shit about? Then ask yourself, what would make it easier for me to address the parts I really care about? And then arrange your home around that. 

I hope this helps! Remember, learning this kind of shit is a process, and it takes time and energy and self-reflection. You don’t have to become Martha Stewart tomorrow – you can take the time you need to build up little insights and habits slowly. Good luck! 

(Did you find this educational or helpful? Feel free to help me buy laundry soap by dropping a tip in my Ko-Fi or at my Paypal!)

[imjustpeachy8]

An Inconvenient Spark

Part I.  Summary: He's a Commander in the Resistance. You are a lowly force-sensitive thief from an equally lowly planet with order defying tendencies. You two under no circumstance get along. Your life take a turn the moment you decide to save his arrogant sorry-ass from certain death. If only you knew saving him would result in joining the Resistance finding not only your purpose in life - but also the biggest oaf-looking asshole in the whole galaxy. If only you could go back in time to that day - you would let him die, just to rid of this incessant headache Ben Solo is giving you. AU.

Warnings: language

Word Count: 2k

A/n:  i just needed an angsty, slow burn Ben Solo fic I guess. Go easy on me guys, this is my first time with writing.

Ben Solo woke up with the intent to make that day better than the last one. Last day was - well, it was complicated. It was messy, unnecessary and downright ridiculous.

He still felt his frustration consuming every bit of his body. Yesterday, it had decided to sit on his heart and made a home in it. He didn't know how long he was going to feel it. And he hated the whole situation in each passing moment more.

Still, he forced himself to start the day as a new one. A blank page. Nothing else before the morning.

It would be for the best. For him, and for the whole base, actually. Yes, he decided then - he would do that, he would behave, he would pretend that everything was fine - just for the sake of the people who he led and commanded. And for her Mother - yes, for her he would behave.

When he stepped foot in the command center, the whole place fell silent for a moment.

Great.

Letting out a breath, he scanned the room to find a familiar face. After a second, Lt. Connix appeared next to him, a small smile disappearing from her face the moment her eyes found his.

"She's in her office, Commander. She's waiting for you."

"Thanks" - he muttered out, and went on his way.

When he reached the door of the office, he gave himself a moment to collect his thoughts. He pushed through the entrance, only to find himself face-to-face with her mother’s stern look.

"Commander, it's good to see you. Although, i believe this was due yesterday." - her tone made sure to have an edge in it.

He huffed out a breath in return. His annoyance was coming back in an instant.

"I apologize. I was.. I wasn't in the right state of mind last night and -"

"So I heard." - she replied. "Tell me, son.. what were you thinking? To send off your comrade without a blaster, and then leave her to fend for herself on her own."

Ahhh, right.

He knew this would be a problem. He just had a tiny little hope that his mother would somehow understand. Basically, he did nothing wrong. He just lost his cool for a moment back there. For a couple of moments, really, but that wasn’t important right now.

"We went back to her, she's fine and i didn’t think she'd be stupid enough to not have a blas-.."

"That's enough." - Leia pinched her nose with her delicate fingers and let out a sigh. "Ben.. you need to be smarter than this. I know the two of you had a rocky start, but this whole thing looks like you deliberately tried to leave her to die on that planet." - She was raising her voice now, obviously mad at this whole ordeal. "She's not just your fellow comrade, she's also under your guide." - She let out another long breath. "You have to fix this."

"Fine." - he reluctantly replied.

There were a lot of things Ben Solo learned in his 28 years of his life. One of the many was, that somehow women - and especially his mother - would turn out right in every argument. Every kriffing time.

Agreeing with her would be beneficial. And if he wanted to be honest with himself, a teeny tiny part of him felt guilty.

So, he let her have the last words, let her see how sorry he was - even if it only was an act. He would get scolded a little but then he would forget about the whole deal. Like nothing really happened.

"Good. I expect you to apologize to her." - she chided after a moment.

Ben let out an unwanted growl. "You cannot be serious! I won't apologize to that wench, she deserved to be left on that planet. Maybe this time, she learned something about why it is imperative to follow a simple kriffing order."

"You will apologize, end of discussion." - Leia decided to ignore her son's outburst, knowing well enough that further engaging Ben will only lead them to another heated argument.

His chest heaved. He was seeing red. Why- why should he apologize? He hadn't done anything that bad, really. He just wanted to teach her a lesson about not following his orders. Nothing else. After all, he was her commanding officer, she should be listening to him. He didn’t left her there, he just wanted her to see that she wasn’t the only person who knew how to play this game.

She was a pain in his ass, thats what she was in reality, ever since he first saw her. She - without a doubt - was the most infuriating person he had ever seen in the whole universe. She was reckless, defiant and most importantly, she tended to ignore orders when she saw fit. Well, honestly, that only happened when said order came from him. For everyone else- she was compliant, nice even. And that made him hate her more. She drew him to the fucking wall.  

He was snapped out from his train of though the moment Leia started to speak again.

"And the two of you are grounded for a week. Maybe this will teach you a lesson, too." A moment passed in silence, but Leia wasn't done just yet. "Oh, and please be a dear, and deliver the news to her."

He couldn't  fucking believe this.

***

"WHAT?"

You and Finn were seated in the mess cantina in the morning. The room was empty except for the two of you, everyone else was already busy with their assignments at hand. Life on the Resistance base meant that work started way too early and ended way, way too late.

You however, were back from a mission. From a really bad, tiring one to be specific. The Falcon landed in hanger B late last night, and since nobody assigned any task for you in the morning, you decided to sleep as long as you could.  Hence, the reason you are the only people in the cantina, with Finn sitting across you, both eating the blob that was left behind.

"You heard me right. Kriffing bastard almost left me on that planet this time. Apparently, to teach me a lesson about defying orders." - you grinned. "Can you fucking believe it?"

Finn looked at you in disbelief. "How are you so calm about this?" - he thinned his eyes at you, clearly being suspicious of your state of mind right now. "You.. - you are planning something, aren't you? That's it, right?"

"No, my dear friend. I'm not gonna do a thing about it." - your grin grew wilder. "Someone else will...I hope." - with that, you got back on munching the blob people here called breakfast.

While eating, you thought back to last day's events. The whole thing was - well, avoidable. If only the two of you just knew how to behave when things went awry. You often found yourself thinking about this arrangement. After saving his ass on your home planet, you found yourself in a place where you could choose. Choose about your future, about what you wanted to do with your life. So you left with him and his team to join the Resistance. Acclimation to this whole situation was pretty easy for you, easier than you previously thought. Everyone was welcoming, and very friendly. The realization of you force powers was the cherry on top. As they told you, there were only two of them on the base.

Since your first day, you have been helping them with everything you could. Sometimes with mechanical work, sometimes with piloting, sometimes with missions. Work was easy to find. Peace - not so much. Not really, when a certain Commander is always pestering you with little, incessant jabs and remarks. Not when every time you come up with a wonderful idea he immediately shuts you up. And definitely not when he leaves you on Nar Shaddaa. You huff out a breath at the thought, shaking your head.

This fucking man.

Blob put aside, you and Finn were chatting about nothing, sipping caf when the doors of the cantina opened, and Ben Solo swaggered through. Your gazes locked on each other. You waited for this moment since the morning.

Being on base only for a couple of months wasn't much, but you thought of yourself as a good judge of character. While Ben Solo sometimes was still a mystery to you, her mother wasn’t. You instantly knew how Leia worked. And you had a suspicion that she knew that you knew. Looking at his annoyed face, you realized Leia was playing along. You were baffled at the thought and forced the creeping smile from your face. You needed to savor this moment.

Your commander stopped at your table, face now impassive but the twitching of his left eye and the current energy around him gave his true feelings away. He was angry and annoyed, and at that moment, you were the happiest person in the galaxy. The staring contest  however, was interrupted with Finn's throat clearing.

You put up your sweetest smile you could muster and batted your lashes at him before speaking.

"Commander Solo, are you joining us for breakfast?" - you chirped.

He looked up at the ceiling then, breathing through his nose. You loved him so riled up.

As he realized that he didn't want to spend any more time in your presence than it was necessary - he leered down at you, and started talking.

"No." A beat. "I'm sorry for the mean, awful, accurate things I said and that I almost left you on Nar Shaddaa." - he still managed to be cocky and arrogant, even when apologizing. You couldn't believe it.

"Thank you, Commander. I hope your bruised ego will get well soon from this beautiful apology. Aaaaand, I just hope next time you would be a little more professional." - You couldn't just let him go with a sorry-ass apology like that. He needed a jab. Just a little one. "I mean.. one would think that after saving your life, you would.. I don't know.. not leave me to die on a hostile planet maybe?"

He was getting angrier now, the force around him resonated. While you loved making him angry, you realized this was not the right time to engage in another argument. After last night, you didn’t have the energy to fight, so you decided to let this conversation go as soon as possible. After all, you got what you wanted.

"What more do you want me to say, Princess? I'm sorry, take it or don't, I don't care."

What a jerk.

"Most importantly, both of us are grounded for a week, and for the time being, you're training only with Rey."

Oh. Ohhh.

You could work with that.

A whole week without working with Ben Solo? Last night, on that planet, while you desperately waited for  rescue you could only think about how unlucky you were to be left behind.

Now? Now, you were certain you were the luckiest girl in the galaxy.

Leaving without another word, you again had found yourself with Finn, a shit-eating grin already on your face.

"Why are you so happy about this? Didn't you hear the part you are grounded? For a week." - he looked at you incredulously.

"Oh, Finn. Don't you see? I got myself an apology and a Ben Solo-free week. I really couldn't have hoped for more."

If being mouthy and sarcastic around the Commander always resulted with a week of not seeing him, you would probably just try to sabotage every mission from now on.

[tendencyblue]

Originally posted for Chocolate Box 2020 (for a platonic request, which is why I'm not tagging this as Reylo even though it's very easy for me to imagine a kiss happening soon afterwards)

Summary: In which a few snowballs make their way through the Force bond.

Rey & Ben, post-TROS (Ben lived), dyad Force bond hijinks

1148 words | rated G | read on AO3

Are you in a conference room? Ben asks. What's the temperature there? It's probably nice and warm, isn't it. Despite the light years between them, he looks like he's standing right next to her, except for the way he keeps occupying the same space as Captain Tana, two seats down from Rey. The tangibility of the bond ebbs and flows; sometimes they can interact with each other's surroundings, sometimes they can't. Right now, Rey's getting a general sense of "snow" around Ben, and obviously whatever he's seeing around her is enough for him to correctly identify her location. But not enough to be bothered by phasing through Captain Tana.

Rey doesn't respond but rather affects intense interest in what Senator Arden is saying, thus preserving for a little while longer her reputation as the Great and Powerful Last Jedi and not That Crazy Jedi Who Talks to Herself.

Here on Hoth, Ben continues, as if Rey doesn't know where he is. As if she hasn't sat in half a dozen different meetings where the question of what to do with Ben-Solo-who-used-to-be-Kylo-Ren was discussed. (Not this meeting, thankfully. This one's just about supply chains and logistics and Rey doesn't have to say anything at all.)...the temperature is significantly below freezing. My uncle almost died out here, you know?

Yes, Rey did know, because the Solo–Skywalker family do not actually have that many old stories about Hoth, and Ben had already run through all of them by the time he'd been there two standard days. But it's still nice to hear him talk; he sounds so much happier these days, despite his imprisonment.

Senator Arden says something about ration allocation on Yavin, and Rey turns her head to look at him, but Ben just follows her movement, bouncing around to stand in front of her again. They've still got the old doors around the base that my mom told them to close and leave the others out in the cold. She always teared up at that part of the story. They've been repaired from all the damage they took during the Hoth Invasion and they close them every night. They let me out every day, though. It's not as if there's anywhere I could go. He looks around him, and she knows he's not seeing the conference room. Probably just a ton of snow. She's never been to Hoth herself, but from what she's heard, that's about all there is to see.

"Thank you all for coming," Senator Arden concludes, and Rey murmurs polite nothings as she works her way to the door. She heads right for the training course in the nearby jungle; she's been around people enough for the afternoon.

Her bond with Ben, of course, makes him the one person she can't leave behind no matter where she goes—not that she'd want to. She can't see him right now, so he's probably behind her for the moment. Well, her perception of the projection of him is, or whatever it ought to be called; the problem with Force bonds being so rare is that the Jedi texts don't say much about them, and she hasn't bothered to figure out the words to talk about what's happening yet, and neither has Ben.

Speaking of whom, he hasn't said a word in quite some time. Figures; she's finally somewhere where she can respond and now he's gotten tired of blathering about snow and how cold it is. "Are you—" she begins, but that's as far as she gets before something cold and wet collides with her back. "Ben!" she yelps, and spins around, only to catch a second snowball in the face.

He grins. "What? There's nobody here to snowball fight with."

In the tropical warmth around her, the snowballs melt instantly, leaving her nothing to throw back at him. She grabs a couple leaves off of the closest tree and hurls them instead, but they lack aerodynamics and fall to the ground in front of her, not even making it through the bond to Hoth. (And what his jailers there would think of the sudden appearance of green leaves, she doesn't know, so perhaps it's for the best.) She holds up a finger. "Give me a minute."

She races for the kitchens, where half a dozen droids are making dinner. "Do you have ice chips?" she asks the closest droid. It bloops affirmatively and scurries off.

"It's already so cold here," Ben says. "Do you think that will even do anything?"

"Good point," Rey says. "Maybe I should wait until you're inside where it's at least a little bit warm. Hmm, and I could wait until you're asleep, too."

He grins. "On second thought, you can go ahead and throw it at me now."

"I thought you'd see reason," she says with a matching grin. The droid is back, with a bucket of ice dangling from its jointed front arm. Rey's pretty sure Ben can't see it yet, but as soon as she takes the bucket, he will. "Turn around," she says.

"Why?"

"I didn't get to see your snowball, you don't get to see what the droid found." He shrugs, and complies. She finds a chair and drags it over behind him, then takes the bucket from the droid. Climbing up on it, she's finally taller than him for once, but she doesn't wait long to savor the height differential before pouring the entire bucket over his head.

There are a lot of ice chips, and they provoke a very satisfying yelp. The droid seems very puzzled at how few ice chips are hitting the ground, considering how many were in the bucket.

Ben spins around, wiping damp hair out of his eyes. There's a few scattered ice crystals; the ice obviously hasn't had a chance to melt as fast as when it passed through the bond in the other direction.  "Clever," he says. "I was expecting it from behind, not above."

"Next time maybe I'll use the Force and have it come from another direction altogether."

"Next time? You mean we're not even yet?"

"Well, we're even for now," she says. "So we have two options. You throw another snowball at me and I throw more ice at you. Or...you make a bunch of snowballs for me, and I go find some of my friends to ambush with them. It's hot enough here they'll probably enjoy it."

"Does that mean you liked the snowball I threw at you earlier?" he asks. "Because if so, I'm not sure we're even. That was really cold."

"Maybe just a little bit," she says. "It's too humid here for it to be just right. So, teamwork, or further competition?"

"Teamwork," he says. "But only if you tell me what their reactions are, since I'm not there to see it."

"Don't worry," she says. "I'll tell you everything."

[bryonieamber]

i love u guys so much ty

puttin this under a cut though cus it will be long!

The Killers are one of my favorite bands of all time. like. i adore all their shit so much. and most people only know them from "mr brightside" but like. EVERY album of theirs is fan fucking tastic. and Brandon Flower's own albums of the stuff he did solo is really good too.

Imploding the mirage is a fucking incredible album. and one of the songs features K.D LANG so u KNOW its good.

its hard to say what my favorite songs of theirs are cus i really love all of them so much. Dying breed. The Man. Battle Born. All These Things That I've Done.... those are probably some of my all time favorites.

and like i know this is something the kids say all the time, but Brandon Flowers gives me major gender envy. like. i wanna be him so bad. but like in a woman way.

AND like.... have you seen the music video for "just another girl"? because.... you should. (but it will only make sense if you watch the other music videos for the killers. it doesnt need to make sense to be good though so still watch it). here, i'll give you the link to it. just watch it. WATCH IT. i am begging you. https://youtu.be/3BwzP1laWkQ

I'm also a really big fan of Summer Camp. I've been listening to a lot of their stuff lately.

their album Beyond Clueless was done as the soundtrack for a documentary about coming of age highschool films. that alone should tell you everything about their vibe you need to know.

(the documentary, btw, isnt good. so dont watch it. but definitely listen to the album)

Romantic Comedy is also a good album of theirs. I hate how much i like You Complete me. that whole album is sappy in such a lonely way. Condale is probably my favorite album of theirs though, but honestly every album has so many good little songs.

they're not a very well known band, so PLEASE check them out. i dont know how to sell you on them but i think if you havent heard of them before you should hear The Fighters, and Down. and if you like those songs, you'll probably like the rest of their stuff as much as I do.

LET'S TALK ABOUT BAT FOR LASHES CAN WE PLEASE????

I loooooove Bat For Lashes. Natasha Khan, the singer and songwriter, is just such an incredible story teller through her music. all her albums have so much lore to them. and her music sounds like. idk. this sounds dumb but its like the music you'd hear a ghost sing.

speaking of ghosts, the album The Bride is one i actually didnt like at first, but its grown on me a whole lot. its all about a woman who'se husband dies in a car crash on the morning of their wedding day. its like... sad, obviously, but im giving you that context because that context is what made me like the album way more. gave me a new way to listen to it.

Don't listen to that album first though. Listen to Lost Girls. that album is about women who join a vampire clan. ITS GOOOOOOOD. The Hunger and Safe Tonight are AMAZING songs please LISTEN to them. please.

The Haunted Man is probably my favorite album though. just because it has the most of my favorite songs.

If you're still reading this, im sorry, i dont wanna overwhelm you with music recs. i'll try to speed past through these next ones.

Innouwee is VERY good? so why has nobody heard of them? Listen to the album Ghosts and Shadows. its short, and its all good. every one.

YLHCSD (you love her coz she's dead) is.... VERY difficult to reccomend. i gotta warn you, its nothing like any of the rest of these bands. its like. very heavy electronica. i dont think anyone will like it, but i really like Superheroes and Nowhere To Run To. if you're just starting out though, you should ease yourself in with Lilya Forever or Softer Cell, before you ruin your ears with the rest of their music.

Iiris is very good. If you were like me in middleschool, and got really into Kerli, you'll love Iiris. The Magic Giftbox is an amazing album, but the rest of her stuff is kinda hit or miss. i still think all her stuff is very good sounding.

Dum Dum Girls should definitely be your thing if you liked my Summer Camp or Innouwee recommendation. Too True is such a nice Album! and that doesnt sound as glowing as my other recs, i know, but i mean nice in like. just laying down staring at the ceiling kinda way. like the music is so good but so easy and relaxed. its nice. Trouble Is My Name is probably my fav song of theirs.

And finally i just wanna talk about Italians Do It Better.

no, its not a band. and its not a genre. its more like. an umbrella that a bunch of very similar bands are all under. and they all have a very similar style. I think Johnny Jewel is their main guy. he does great work, and he's composed a lot of original scores for a bunch of those freaky art house type films. and usually those movies he composes for will use music by other artists under the Italians Do It Better umbrella.

The main band, that some of you might actually have heard of, Chromatics, are... SO good. if that name doesnt ring a bell, then the song Kill For Love might... maybe.... if not, still listen to it. They have a BUNCH of albums, and they all have a bunch of songs on them, so it'll take a while to hear all their best songs, but definitely listen to Move a Mountain, On The Wall, and Twist The Knife.

Some more of the best of Italians Do It Better includes Desire and Heaven. But they have fewer stuff, so you only have to listen to Saturday, by Desire, and Truth Or Dare, by Heaven.

OKAY that's it. im done. i wont recommend any more bands to you guys (i didnt even touch on all the vaporwave i listen to, you're welcome).

Thank you for indulging me. i feel like nobody has ever listened to my favorite bands and i'd love if more people would listen to them.