#it's like you can see genuinely him intellectually trying to come round but he has still not let go of these

[fluentisonus]

part of the problem is that a lot of hugo's politics are really well thought out & considered & good but then some of them are like. entirely vibes-based to the point of feeling muddled & inconsistent & even straight up Bad sometimes. which is annoying

[imaybe5tupid]

On the hidden repressed suburban white emo boy darkness in Laios’ heart

LET ME BE CLEAR: i like Laios, this is not a hate post, his flaws and darker parts of who he is round out his character and make him the character I love. Also this isn’t proper meta or analysis just my literal sleepy off the cuff rambling

I think Laios can be very comfortably summed up as someone who feels he was never indulged and the person he is in the series grew over those scars. I really enjoy how much Laios genuinely has a lot of darkness in his heart his emo-boy ness is really underrated. He canonically thought of (and is implied to sometimes still think of) his bullies (and sometimes people in general) like this

Aside being autistic, well into his 20s Laios really inhabits this very imo teenage mindset/outlook thats a combination of outsider and contrarian (the latter secretly). And the Winged Lion sees this immediately for what it is, this idea of being an alienated outsider due to your unique understanding of the world (I don’t mean Laios thinks hes like a nobel prize winner but more that he has a lot of resentment for how the things he’s interested in are not valued in the way he values them) and the percieved dull conformism of others (eg. his father), and how these feelings of his come from a deliberate (as in i feel hes actively trying to make himself think this as a coping mechanism) lack of intellectual and emotional curiosity about people or things that he’s unable to box into this Different category i.e the grass is always greener (of course in addition to his Traumas). For example monsters obviously, but also his fascination with Toshiro’s foreignness, like the island was probably full of strong cool warrior types but they weren’t so distinctly “exotic” (unfortunate but true 😔, many such cases see Japanism and also ironically cause thats how i hc the toudens, the way scandinavia is weirdly idolised by a great deal of the world, or even the way people will see an indie movie set in like small town absolutely anywhere else in the world from where they are and be like waow so cool and different unlike my LAME hometown imagine that meme of the ships thats like their barbaric practices etc.) and an emblem of this cool different world that he could idealise and escape into.  Shuro represents a kind of escapist fantasy for Laios, like in addition to just being (to Laios) This Super Nice Guy Who Always Saves Me And Says Yes To Me And Never Gets Mad, he’s also Nothing Like Those Boors from the village/school/ the military. And he probably dgaf about Rin or like Eastern diaspora in Melini and would say offensive things to them running along the lines of what he said to Lycion (“so you only look different on the outside, nothing is different internally , how disappointing”). Like you can compare Kabru’s curiosity towards people which is driven by a genuine passion for humanity, to Laios’ at times objectifying curiosity toward Shuro which is shaped by the pain of the past and immediately see the sickness in the head Laios has lol. Unconsciously, Laios I think can also be a deeply self-centred guy at his core (evidenced by the nature of his curse at the end of the story too haha).

[saintsenara]

Wait why are you not a fan of Snape and Hermione?? 2 nerds who care a socially awkward amount about the things they care about nerding out together at levels of romance people who can be chill and normal about things can’t comprehend?? It’s not one of my fav ships but I can definitely see it!

I headcanon that Snape picks on Hermione being a muggle raised know it all thirsty to prove and lacking self awareness because he was one himself when he arrived at school and James and Sirius picked on him for it! It’s like that you’re most repulsed by the things you’re self conscious of in yourself thing to me. Or maybe a him trying to live out being the “cool” one in that dynamic thing

But when she’s a grown woman and more self possessed like he became too I feel like that same energy ness has potential for love!

Hermione is famously respectful and compassionate enough towards all beings to be more understanding than say Lily Evans of his prickly tender ego if he had another m word style outburst and such a people pleaser she’d keep coming back for more snark as long as he peppered it with the odd encouraging compliment

And I feel like a Snape in reciprocated love could absolutely veer into inventing beautiful and helpful spells to impress his lover or sending “made me think of u 😘” notes with verses of elaborate obscure poetry territory that would be frankly the level of literary and academic courtship our Herms deserves 😌

Is it cause they’d both be the highly strung worrier one and they both need someone to ground them? Or maybe too pessimistic together and one of them needs to be the cheerful one?

anon, i genuinely love this for you - i'm always thrilled to get people explaining their love for ships in the ol' inbox, especially when they're ships i don't instinctively vibe with, and i have been won round to stranger premises than this by a passionate defence of why two characters should kiss.

where i still think snamione isn't clicking for me, however, is that the way you describe both snape and hermione here doesn't align in any significant way with what i personally think would be interesting to explore about either character in a relationship and have them still feel meaningfully like their canon selves.

[i will say, though - because i always think it's worth reiterating my fandom commitment towards being neither a cop nor a priest - that i literally don't give a shit about either the age gap or the student-teacher dynamic. i know that's an objection to pairings like snarry and snamione which lots of people do express. but i will never be one of them.]

the primary reason that i don't vibe with many of the more... sapiosexual hermione ships [by which i mean not only snamione but tomione] is that they hang on the idea that hermione's intellect expresses itself in a way we never actually see in canon.

or, the idea that snape and hermione are intellectually compatible [and that they would enjoy hanging out being nerdy about stuff] is just... not true.

throughout the seven-book canon, the way that hermione shows herself to be clever is that she displays an excellent memory and an enormous capacity to rote-learn. her intelligence is overwhelmingly demonstrated - both in the classroom and during the trio's year on the run - by her being able to regurgitate swathes of information, very usually verbatim from the source she got it from.

she is clearly able to use this ability to retain information to understand the theoretical component of magic in a way neither harry nor ron ever manage, and she is able to use this understanding of theory to work out how to perform spells which are ahead of her expected level on the hogwarts curriculum.

and this is intelligence - and i want to be very clear that i'm not trying to suggest that hermione shouldn't be thought of as intellectual, or that her academic achievements should be devalued. but it isn't the way snape's intelligence manifests itself.

because hermione is never shown - at any point in canon - to be a particularly creative or experimental thinker.

she places an enormous intellectual trust in disciplinary authority - teachers and textbooks - and is frequently rattled when these are revealed to be partial or incorrect, as we see in her shock at hogwarts: a history not mentioning house elves or her anger at harry getting better results by following the modified instructions in the prince's textbook [despite knowing nothing about the theory underpinning them] than she does with the "official" ones.

she also regards the gatekeeping of inquiry which disciplinary boundaries enforce to be a positive thing and she never displays any inclination to step beyond them. she dislikes the spells in the prince's textbook because they aren't ministry-approved - and i must say that i think the idea that she'd be won over by a man creating spells for her is wishful thinking...

she is immediately mistrustful of anything she can't find something she regards as an empirical source for - notice, for example, that she only comes round to the idea that prophecies might be real once she encounters them in the ministry of magic.

even when we see her using magic on her own terms - the jinx she uses on marietta edgecombe, for example; or the protean charm on the da coins - the magic she's using is sophisticated, and is being applied in a way which wouldn't be classroom-sanctioned, but it's not magic which is being used in a way which is removed from the spell's original purpose. the protean charm on the da coins is impressive because it's a flawless execution of newt-level magic by a sixteen-year-old. it's not impressive because hermione is using it in a strange, experimental, or radical way.

[in contrast, the dark mark - which harry notes the coins mimic - is clearly a spell voldemort himself invents.]

snape, on the other hand, is an experimenter. he's someone who clearly sees magic as a creative force which he has every right to shape as he sees fit by adaptation and invention. and he's someone who evidently rejects the logic of disciplinary gatekeeping - one tension in his relationship with dumbledore prior to half-blood prince is that snape evidently retains an enormous intellectual interest in the dark arts [which, as he tells us, are an area of magic which is feared precisely because they can't be neatly contained within disciplinary boxes - they are ever-changing, unfixed, mutating...]

and it's these conflicting views of what magic is and how it should be used and thought about which is the cause of the intellectual incompatibility we see between snape and hermione in canon.

he is unequivocally in the wrong for his dismissive classroom manner towards her - because he is an adult and she is a child. but he isn't wrong in principle that hermione just repeating what she's read in the textbook and refusing to synthesise her knowledge [she always goes massively over word limits! she never gives answers in class in her own words!] isn't actually a demonstration that she understands the material. [and therefore something a good teacher would guide her through conquering... snape having no interest in doing this is his own fault.]

and - from a snamione-specific perspective - it's all the evidence snape needs that, actually, they're not going to enjoy hanging out chatting about academic pursuits. hermione values knowledge like a dragon hoards treasure. snape wants to take that treasure, melt it down, and turn it into new and weird things.

once again, i don't think this a flaw in either of their characters - it's just something which is. and i don't think it's an insurmountable obstacle to writing snamione, because i believe any ship is possible if an author has enough nerve. but it's an aspect of both characters' canon personalities [and hermione's above all] which never seems to make it into snamione fics - all of which, as far as i've encountered them, are beholden to an idea of hermione's approach to academia which is considerably more flexible than we actually see in the books.

of your other points, i'm not particularly convinced by the idea that snape sees his younger self in the teenage hermione. this isn't just for the reasons outlined above - hermione isn't trying to prove herself in the same way he was, which was by creating and experimenting in a bid to be noticed and considered impressive - but also because of the massive gulf in their respective class backgrounds.

hermione is really posh - and, while she's obviously subjected to discrimination at hogwarts on account of her blood-status, she also comes from a family with both the financial resources and the cultural language to make her familiar with the vibe of the elite muggle boarding schools hogwarts is a pastiche of.

the teen snape - in contrast - stands out from his cohort in that he is visually identifiable as working-class [which does appear to be genuinely unusual at hogwarts]. his class background is something which clearly drove a lot of the marauders' bullying of him [i'm sorry to the girlies who think james and sirius targeted him out of some righteous desire to stamp out his prejudice - it was because he was poor and uncouth] and which he still has a chip on his shoulder about as an adult.

this - again - is not an insurmountable barrier to a snamione relationship [as it's not a barrier to thousands of real-world partnerships and friendships]. but it is something an author needs to grapple with if they want to make the pairing - at least, in my opinion - seem plausible. but the standard vibe seems to be that snape would be comfortable in the grangers' home fairly quickly, and that he'd be delighted to have hermione swanning around offering suggestions for how they could do up spinner's end... instead of him resenting this as the unwelcome meddling of people who've never had to worry for money.

i'm also not particularly convinced by the idea that hermione would get over being called a mudblood - especially by an adult man. while i think it's completely plausible that she'd handle this differently than lily [although lily's reaction is entirely justified - and i don't think we should throw the baby out with the bathwater of contextualising the teenage snape and the motivating factors behind his decisions by pretending that cutting off your friend because he called you a slur is a petty, ill-thought-out, or unreasonable move], i don't think that her reaction would be automatically forgiving.

hermione is compassionate towards kreacher when he calls her a mudblood because kreacher is a slave, whose prejudicial views are inextricably bound up in the magic used to oppress him [i.e. that if he received an order to use the term, or to refuse to serve a muggleborn food, from his masters, he would have to punish himself violently if he disobeyed it]. she is not - quite rightly! - compassionate towards someone like draco malfoy when he calls her one, since he is a free person with full agency to choose not to do this.

could she forgive him - or snape - for using the term? sure! absolutely! but i don't think it's a given - and i also think she'd expect a demonstration of how sorry snape was which wouldn't necessarily align with how he'd think he'd demonstrated his regret.

i do agree that - as you say - hermione is a people-pleaser, and she definitely has a far greater tolerance for being treated cruelly by people she wants to impress [especially authority figures - including snape himself] than either harry or ron. and i think this has the potential to introduce an extremely thorny dynamic into a snamione fic - in which the power dynamic inherent in the age gap [which, to reiterate, i think is completely fine for an author to enjoy] is compounded by hermione being unwilling to anger or contradict snape [which is a vibe - as i've said in answer to an ask about harmony - we also see in her relationship with harry... it's also obviously exactly how snape's relationship with dumbledore works.]

on a couple of the more minor characterisation notes, i'm afraid that the idea of snape as a great romantic has never hit for me. it seems really bound up in the way alan rickman portrayed him in the films, which i've always found a bit toothless. i also don't like the trope of "actually snape's really hot" which seems to always accompany it - ugly, odd men to get to bone too!

[what he would be - i think - is a magpie. get ready to be handed odd stones and bits of leaves on dates.]

i also think they're highly-strung in ways which differ enough to mean they'd just annoy each other. hermione is highly-strung in that she flusters easily and is very poor under pressure, but she's actually pretty emotionally stable [and i'd dispute that she's a pessimist - this is a girl who thinks that she's successfully eradicating slavery at hogwarts by knitting hats; she's pretty robust, funny, cheerful, and idealistic]. snape is highly-strung in that he has a hair-trigger temper and is very emotionally volatile, but he's obviously an extraordinarily good liar, very quick on his feet, and very good under pressure. he'd think she panicked too much [and over insignificant things he didn't care about], she'd think he tanked the vibe of a date by taking offence at someone breathing too loudly.

where are they similar? well, they have a shared self-serving streak [hermione is appalled by behaviour from harry and ron she considers perfectly moral when she does it]; capacity for cruelty; tendency towards secrecy; tendency towards pettiness and pleasure in the misfortune of others; loathing of flying a broom; cutting sense of humour; stubbornness; resilience; clear dislike of slumming it in nature; love of puzzles; and a weakness for red hair.

i think you could make it work on the grounds that they'd probably have the time of their lives being haters together - especially, i feel, about rita skeeter.

and - y'know - because love is weird.

[sisterspooky1013]

Only One Choice, Chapter 11

Read it here on AO3 / Tagging @today-in-fic

Spark.

She watches Ethan from the couch as he pulls a tin of muffins out of the oven, arranging a few on a plate. She’s been thinking a lot about what Mulder said about not having a spark with his ex. She wonders if she and Ethan have a spark, or if they did at one point. When she thinks about her relationship with Ethan, what stands out to her is commitment, dedication, stability. And love, of course, she does love him.

When they first met through mutual friends, she wasn’t particularly interested. He was perfectly nice, and good looking enough, but struck her more as a potential friend than a boyfriend. He was steadfast, kept showing up, kept gently working to get to know her, and eventually she started to grow fond of him. They’ve joked that while his attraction to her was immediate, hers to him was more of a slow burn. This is what mature, adult relationships are like, right? Measured, practical, logical. When you’re young, wild, and free, you date whoever you have the most fun with, chasing the next exciting experience and the rush of a first kiss. But the person you marry should be someone who you know will be a dependable partner, a good parent, and a lifelong support. That has always been her belief.

Ethan returns to sit with her on the couch, setting the muffins on the coffee table to cool. He picks up her feet and puts them in his lap, casting her a brief smile before he goes to work pressing his thumbs into her arches as he watches TV.

Spark.

Is that what she feels when she’s with Mulder? A spark? Is that why her stomach goes into knots when he looks at her? Why she feels the overwhelming urge to touch him? The sensation that there is an electrical current passing between them is not one she’s ever felt with Ethan, that’s for sure. There was no adrenaline in their first kiss, only contentment. Comfort, safety, security. These are good feelings, ones you can build a life on. Can you build a life on a spark?

“You still going to try on dresses tomorrow with Missy?” he asks, his eyes glued to the TV screen.

“Mhmm,” she answers over her book, which she hasn’t gotten through a page of in over thirty minutes.

“Are you gonna let me see what you pick?” he asks, glancing at her from the corner of his eye with a surreptitious smirk.

She sets the book on her stomach and gives him a chastising smile. “Of course not, Ethan. That’s against the rules.”

“Who made that rule, anyway? I’ve already seen you naked, I should be able to see you in a fancy dress before the big day,” he says with a pointed look.

She swats him with the book.

“The fact that you’ve already seen me naked is also against the rules, so I guess we’re 0 for 2. Don’t tell my mother that,” she lectures playfully.

“I’m sure she has her suspicions, given that we live together,” he says dryly.

“Leave the woman to her ignorant bliss,” she retorts, and they hold eye contact for a moment, exchanging affectionate smiles.

Not a spark, but maybe an ember. Burning steady, carrying them through the dark nights. Sparks die out quickly. She only hopes her spark with Mulder fades soon, because right now it’s burning so bright it’s distracting her from the ember sitting right at her feet.

———

She frowns at herself in the mirror.

“This one is really pretty, Sis, you don’t like it?” Missy asks, tugging at the train to straighten it out.

“I don’t know. Maybe. No.”

She looks forlornly at the rack of dresses she’s already tried on. Every length and cut, style of bodice and neckline. They all seemed wrong.

“I mean, I know you’re generally hard to please, Dana, but this is getting ridiculous,” Missy laments.

“I know, I’m sorry,” she replies, casting Missy an apologetic look.

“Which one do you think Ethan would like? Would that help you decide?” Missy offers helpfully.

Ethan. Right. She realizes that she’s been thinking about what Mulder would make of her in a white dress. She suspects he’d go for the mermaid fit.

“Can we just try again another day, maybe? I think I’m just not in the right headspace for this,” she pleads with her big sister.

“Sure, whatever you want. Let’s go get coffee or something,” Missy says as she ushers Dana back into the changing room.

They go to her favorite local spot, finding two open armchairs near the fireplace, which is off for the summer. Dana tucks her legs under her torso, sipping at an indulgent white chocolate mocha; she feels the need for small pleasures right now. Missy eyes her appraisingly, and she can feel the third degree that is about to commence.

“So what’s up with you?” she finally asks, her tone inquisitive but not abrasive.

“What do you mean?” Dana asks in reply, avoiding her eyes.

Missy’s head drops to the side in exasperation. “Are you really going to make me spell it out for you, Dana? I’m trying to be supportive of your decision to marry Ethan, but you’re making it really hard being so openly miserable all the time.”

Dana looks at her with surprise and indignation. “I am not miserable.”

“Coulda fooled me,” Missy says sarcastically.

Dana shakes her head. “I’m just...I don’t know, I have a lot on my mind.”

“Care to elaborate?” Missy asks with an expectant look.

She sighs and sets her shoulders. She needs to talk to someone about this, and Missy is literally her only option.

“Okay, but first I need you to promise me you’re not going to make a big deal about this, because it’s really not a big deal,” she prefaces with a stern look.

“You know me, I don’t do big deals,” Missy replies, working hard to hide her anticipation for whatever her little sister is about to reveal.

“Okay. So, I met this man at work,” she starts, and Missy’s eyes go as round as oranges. “Missy, don’t look at me like that.”

“I didn’t say anything,” Missy defends, “go on.” She’s leaning forward in her chair, creating less space between them.

“He’s an agent, he was just picking something up for a case he’s working on, but he asked me out, and we’ve kind of been...we’ve become friends,” she says hesitantly, glancing at Missy to gage her reaction. Missy is forcing a blank expression.

“So...you’re dating him?” she asks flatly.

“No! Oh god, no. I mean, he asked me out and I told him that I have a boyfriend, but now we’re just kind of friends, and….Jesus Christ.” She drops her forehead into her palm. Even describing what’s going on with Mulder is apparently impossible. “We are just friends, but...but I’m having a hard time reconciling how I feel about him.”

“How do you feel about him?” Missy asks.

Dana shakes her head. “I don’t know how to describe it, Missy. I love Ethan, I’m not having doubts about him, but this man...I feel so drawn to him. Being around him feels...almost electric.”

“Like you have a spark?” Missy asks, and Dana’s head snaps to look at her. She’s open, curious.

“Yeah...exactly like that,” she replies regretfully.

Missy nods in understanding, and it somehow makes Dana feel a little better, like she’s not totally crazy. “Tell me about him,” she requests, and Dana can’t help but smile.

“Um, he’s a criminal behavioral analyst, in the Behavioral Science Unit. Oxford educated. He’s funny, but in a dry, intellectual way. He has some pretty outlandish ideas, but he’s so passionate about what he believes in, it’s impossible not to take him seriously. He’s kind of intense, but really alluring.” She pauses, knowing she can’t go on much further without veering into gushing.

“Is he cute?” Missy asks, and Dana closes her eyes.

“SO good looking. Painfully so.” She opens them and Missy is smiling knowingly at her.

“Sounds like a real catch, Sis.”

“Yeah, but I’m engaged to someone who is also a great catch in his own right. I feel like I’m in a romcom.”

“So what are you gonna do?” Missy asks earnestly.

Dana looks at her with surprise. “What do you mean? I’m not going to do anything. It’s just distracting, but obviously nothing can or will come of it.”

Missy gives her a doubtful expression, but then raises her eyes to meet with someone over Dana’s shoulder, giving them a questioning look. Dana turns to see Mulder standing beside her, a cup in his hand and that damn boyish smile on his mouth.

“Hey, Scully, we meet again,” he says, glancing between her and Missy.

“Mulder, hi,” she stumbles, bringing her feet to the floor and squirming around as though he’d caught her in a compromised position. “Um, Mulder, this is my sister, Melissa. Missy, this is Fox Mulder.”

He steps forward and extends his hand to Missy, and she shakes it with a flirtatious smile. “Nice to meet you, Fox.”

“Oh, please call me Mulder,” he replies.

“Alright, Mulder, would you like to join us?” Missy asks, and Dana shoots her a look.

“Um, yeah, I can hang out for a minute,” he replies cautiously, pulling up a chair between the two of theirs.

“So, how do you and Dana know each other?” she asks, and Dana isn’t sure if she’s asking because she realizes who he is, or because she doesn’t.

“We work together, technically speaking. I’m a criminal behavioral analyst in the Behavioral Science Unit.” Missy gives Dana a look that tells her it was the latter. “What are you two up to today?” he asks, running his palm over a stubbled cheek. She can hear the scratch of the short hairs against his skin and it sets off a tingle at the back of her neck.

“We were just doing some wedding dress shopping,” Missy offers, watching his reaction closely.

“Ah,” he says, only moderately concealing his dissatisfaction, “sounds like a good time.” His tone is dry and not at all genuine. “So, Scully,” he says, directing his words to Dana, “Priscilla was wondering if you could stop by next weekend. She has something to show you.”

She smiles coyly. “Does she? Not a hairball, I hope?”

Mulder chuckles. “No, it’s a file, actually. Her personal favorite, she’d love to share it with you.”

“I think I might be free on Saturday,” she replies, “I just need to check, um…”

“Check with Ethan, right,” he finishes, his smile fading a bit.

“Right,” she confirms, her own smile quickly extinguishing.

Mulder stands. “I’ll email you, to confirm.” He turns to Missy, “It was nice to meet you, Melissa.”

Missy beams at him. “Likewise.”

Mulder turns to Scully and gives her a longing glance, then leaves. They watch him go, waiting until the door has closed behind him to speak.

Missy slaps Dana’s arm. “Oh. My. GOD, Sis!” she exclaims with wide eyes and an open mouth.

“What?” Dana returns.

“Spark? That is a goddamn bonfire. Even I could feel it,” she says with a look of wonder.

Dana gives her a pained expression then drops her head into her hands with a groan.

“Why does he call you Scully? And who the hell is Priscilla?” Missy adds.

Dana lifts her head, looking at her sister regretfully with a shrug.

“He said I don’t look like a Dana. Priscilla is his cat.”

Missy closes her eyes for a moment and gently shakes her head, her eyebrows furrowing like she’s trying to reconcile all this information in her brain.

“Whoa, so you’ve been to his place?” Missy asks incredulously.

Dana nods hesitantly.

“Sis, what are you doing? If you were to tell me that you’re going to break it off with Ethan and run away with that beautiful man I would honestly support you. But if you’re trying to keep things on the up and up here, a private rendezvous at his apartment seems like a really bad idea.” Missy is deeply confused, not used to being in the position to tell her sister what decisions are unwise. That is typically Dana’s role in their relationship.

Dana glares at her sister defensively. “We’re just friends, Missy. Men and women can be just friends.”

Missy shoots her a ‘do you think I was born yesterday?’ look.

“Sure they can, if they aren’t insanely attracted to each other. That man practically devoured you with his eyes, Dana. He wants to be more than your friend,” she says emphatically.

“Well, he’s not going to be. I’m with Ethan. And I’m an adult who can control myself enough to maintain boundaries with a platonic friend who happens to be an attractive man. I’m not a Neanderthal, Missy.” She’s using her professor voice, presenting the topic with supporting evidence. Only the facts, folks.

“Okay,” Missy says, acquiescing. “If you trust yourself then great, have fun with your friend. Does Ethan know you’re gallivanting around with a sexy behavioral analyst?”

The guilty look that overtakes Dana’s face is answer enough.

“Well,” Missy continues, “just don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” she brings levity back to the conversation with a little smirk.

“That leaves me with a lot of options, Missy,” Dana retorts, and Missy slaps her arm again.

[rouiyan]

𝘖𝘍𝘍 𝘐𝘊𝘌 [ 𝘭.𝘫𝘯 ]

⧏ jeno's installment of the keep your cool collective ⧐

synopsis: he likes to think it's romantic how he always finishes your sentences for you. you think it's annoying that he keeps interrupting you.

✧ ice hockey player!lee jeno x (fem.) tutor!reader ✧ college au

✧ genres : fluff, angst, slightly suggestive ✧ word count : 4.4k ✧ disclaimers : mentions of sexual activities, swearing

✧ author’s note — same universe as my puck in your goal which does not need to be read first but can be. also, hi @crownily i did it :)

let's just say jeno sucks at school and that the one thing he doesn't suck at is hockey, ice hockey. and let's just say that you're his tutor, strictly for tutoring purposes. yet, here you find yourself at his doorstep at 3:47 in the morning, or so your phone says.

he opens up to see you clad dressed down, different from the neat tee and skirt he's so used to. to be completely honest, jeno has never felt anything towards you and even he himself finds that hard to believe since you're everything he could ever ask for in a girl. pretty and cute, snappy but sweet, the most perfect curve of lips and above all, you're an intellectual. he finds it attractive but he isn't attracted to you, per se.

jeno wished he would though, especially now that he's suffering from what he called you here for in the first place: an extreme case of breakup.

one hand leaning your weight on the doorframe, the right of your shit rides up. jeno bites down on his lip, retracting his eyes to your face. "let me get this straight, you called me here, at this time of night, to get me to help you with what exactly?" so what if he thought fucking you would be a good way to keep his mind off things? too bad he didn't think any further than that. the words come to his as he speaks, "i just thought that- that...you- you would be awake at this time! because you know- you like to study…did i interrupt anything?"

donning a dreary expression, you nod in clarification, "yeah, you interrupted my studying."

"right, okay, i'll let you get back to that," he turns in haste as if to close the door behind him but you catch it with your heel, a scowl making its way across your face at what you were about to say, "forget it, jen, i'm already here. what do you need help with?" you stare into his back, his widening eyes unbeknownst to you. he turns again, now deliberate in motion, just to give him as much time to get his bearings together. lifting one shoulder in suggestion, and truthfully confusion, his voice is a pitch higher when he responds, "...studying?"

and that's how he finds himself staring into the crack between the wall and the far end of his desk, your figure hovering above him but not in the way he'd planned for, planned poorly for. jeno is on edge and frankly, he feels incredibly bad because he doesn't understand anything that comes from your mouth and the words you jot down on his paper before him all seem to collide and blur into each other. that's when he realizes he's started crying.

and that's when you're rendered speechless as the boy sits there, the little tracks running down his face wetting the paper you were teaching off of. "jeno, oh my god. fuck, you good?" you don't want to come off as prying so you avoid the whole 'why' notion but you're not that socially inept to miss that he didn't call you here at such an ungodly hour of morning just to get some unpaid tutor hours in and he certainly isn't crying because he doesn't understand shit. 

a hand of his is sifting through his hair while another rubs harshly down the side of his face. "i don't think you should- i'm just gonna go get you some tissues, i'll- i'll go get that." you turn on your heel and navigate your way from his room to the kitchen you'd passed on the way in. it's dark and you know he has roommates, you were less than willing to make your presence known. to your dismay, the kitchen was currently being occupied by a man whom you've yet to identify, being only two steps in when you stop in your tracks. 

he identifies you first, "y/n, what are you doing here?" and you pick up from the voice that it's donghyuck. your foot hits a cabinet before your eyes get a chance to adjust to the lighting, "fuck, yeah i'm here with jeno, well i'm not- not like that, we're just studying."

"just studying?" there's no way to see it but you swear the cock of his brows is apparent as it would be at day. you hum in response, fingers trying to make out the paper towel dispenser you were sure you caught a glimpse of on the way in. "so you're saying," he pulls out his phone and the light that emits from the screen is enough to guide you in the right direction before he shoves is back in his pocket. "that you booked a tutoring session with him at 4:19 a.m.?"

tearing one, then two, from the dispenser, you distractedly let a disbelieving, "yup," past your lips. hyuck scrutinizes you in the dark and his next words nearly shock you out of your skin, "is he fucking you because he just got dumped? is that why?"

you swivel at lightning speed, "he what?" hand over his mouth, donghyuck seems genuinely apologetic, though you wouldn't put it past him if he was not, "shit, you didn't know?" folding the paper towels two times over in your hands, you gingerly across the room to where the boy is seated, "i mean, i know that he didn't call me here just to study but that's legitimately what we ended up doing." he doesn't answer for awhile so you follow up with a question, "you think he wants to fuck me?"

hyuck looks you straight in the eye, "yeah, yeah i do." it hangs unsaid in the air between the two of you, but it's within both of your knowledge that jeno only wanted you here for sexual relief from his frustrations, that whatever else could be denoted by the deed was simply inapplicable for this situation. you shake your head of the thoughts, "so, what are you doing up this early?" you know that there is a weary and weeping jeno you have to get back to but you also know that your presence is somewhat unwelcome there, uncomfortable even, while he wades in his fit of tears.

hyuck replies with a heavy tone, "he gave me some things to think about too."

and you jump to conclusions all too quickly, "he wants to fuck you too?"

"god, y/n, no."

a weak laugh lining your demeanor after the last of the interaction, you reenter jeno's room to find him sprawled wide, his back to the bed. "hey," you preface as you round upon his bed, setting the paper towels on his nightstand. it seemed his tears had run their race and his eyes were now staring lethargically into the ceiling. perching yourself on the edge, you reach to place a hand atop one of his, giving two reassuring squeezes. "need anything?"

only now does jeno seem to take note of your arrival, his eyes hooded eyes flit to you for half a second before resolutely tugging you by the hand you had clasped within his. "what-" your breath is stolen from you as your back hits his chest. jeno drapes his arms across you front, "jeno, what-"

"i need a pillow, that's what i need."

you blink, trying to make sense of your thoughts, "did you ask me here to fuck you numb?" his body goes rigid underneath yours and you're right to assume that you've pinpointed the answer. "i'm right, huh?" eyeing downwards, his fingers are fiddling for you to see. after a few moments laid in bated breath, he lets weakly, "sorry about that, it's not gonna happen."

"yeah no shit," is said dulcetly despite the denotation. you feel his chuckles reverberate beneath you. "i'm really sorry, i swear i don't think of you that way." a smile upon your own face, you turn in his arms to place an expression to his voice. propping your head up on your folded arms, your arms atop his chest, you peer into his eyes sincerely. there is much that needs to be said, the reasonings behind his unexpected breakdown and the closeness you suddenly feel with still have to be addressed. but at this hour in the morning, you can't bring yourself to. 

instead you query, "should i stay the night?" he peers into your eyes with equal sincerity when he responds, "it's already early morning, you'd probably be off better sleeping here." giving a soft nod and a few moments to rearrange your thoughts, you perk up again just as he's about to fall asleep. he isn't annoyed in the slightest, rather he smiles at that, your voice, "do you have practice tomorrow?"

it's his turn to give a nod in response. "wanna come watch?" your arms move around his chest, encasing him like how he's encased you. hiding your smile in the front of his sweatshirt, your voice comes out muffled, "i'd love to but i'm a bit busy, jen. next time, maybe."

at your response, it's the first time that jeno feels, acknowledges, that his heart drops, even though it's in the slightest. there's an image of you in the stands, your textbooks in your lap and glasses sliding down the bridge of your nose. the image moves as he moves cross the rink and you look up when he passes by, eyes bright and a small smile and thumbs up in encouragement. from then on, it's that image that's plastered in his mind every time he thinks of you, that one self-conjured image. 

jeno feels his heart drop even more when he awakes to an empty bed. he finds that the text that you've sent in departure isn't nearly enough to repair his spirits, he wishes you were there instead.

practice sucks ass the next day and the day after that, he doesn't pay it any mind, knowing more than well enough how renjun whispers of the news of his breakup among the members. he doesn't hold it against him though, after all, his ex is his teammate's best friend. jeno thinks it hurts the most when his ex shows up at the next game, the one he'd invited you to when you'd crossed paths on campus a few days ago. he finds himself in a weird predicament between trying to forget about a girl and chasing after another one. he can't tell if he really likes you or if he just needs a rebound.

today, jeno decides it's the latter because he's fuming the entire game at how hyuck would send winks in her direction, how he would skate up to the edge of the rink to converse with her during their breaks. jeno hates how she's moved on all too easily and he feels and urge to prove that he can do the same. he wants to prove to himself.

he's let almost every goal in by the time the buzzer signals the end of the final round. the coach reprimands him because at this point, he might as well be from the opposing team. the helmet is off in a split second, he showers for the briefest of moments, only allowing the water to slosh across his body one time before he's patting himself dry. jeno slips the towel from his shoulder throws on a hoodie in its stead. he's out the locker room in bare minutes where he comes face to face with you. you, with the little sheepish, apologetic smile on your face. you, who'd just arrived from your shift at the local cat adoption center, late for the game but in just time for him. you, the only person he's been aching to see the whole day. but even now, he's unsure of exactly why. 

"y/n, hey," he's by your side in an instant, hesitant in his actions but words tumbling out nonetheless, "you came. late, but...you came."

you meet him in the middle, hands coming up to your aid and waving nonsensically as you speak, "i'm so sorry, my shift was extended and i forgot to tell my boss beforehan-"

"it's fine, i'm just glad you're here." he readjusts the bag onto his shoulders in a nervous fit. he barely manages to make eye contact with you and he wonders when he started to feel this way about you or, again, the desire for a rebound, his need for a taste of vengeance is willing him to act this way. jeno shrugs off the thought and fills the silence with an offer, "so do you wanna go...do something together?" 

jeno should know by now. the little sparkle that glints in your eyes and the way his stomach upturns itself in response. he should know by now how much you like him too. hyuck exits the locker rooms in that instant, he greets you in passing as he joins a girl up ahead. you turn back to jeno, momentarily distracted, only to find his gaze hardened and fixed on the girl. a sickening feeling erupts within you as you begin to piece one and one to make two. 

he turns back to you and you avoid his gaze. the shift in your countenance jolts him as much as his had jolted you. you lick your lips before looking back up at him, your own eyes guarded. he wishes he knew why. "jeno, i'm gonna have to rain check. i just- i thought of something- something came up. i have to go."

you're stalking away from him before he can even process it. he's lucky that his strides are long because he catches your wrist right before you get to the exit, "y/n," he tugs gently so that you turn to him but he's caught off guard even more when he sees the tears that have begun to form in your eyes. "why are you like this all of a sudden? what happened?"

you shake your head at him, hurriedly swallowing the sobs before you can embarrass yourself even further, "nothing, jeno. i just realized something." you stare down at his wrist expectantly but he only clutches it tighter, "then, what did you realize?"

he lets go of your wrist now and you feel like your heart couldn't get any heavier as you answer, "i realized that i'm just a fill-in until you get over her." jeno sucks in a breath as he watched the words leave your mouth, as he watches you turn and leave, and he hears more tears bubble from your frame, the sounds receding the farther you walk from him. for some reason, it's only when you tell him so that he understands that he feels the exact opposite.

it's only when you shove it in his face, your own face scrunched up in tears, that he's only going after you as a rebound, when he sees his feelings for what they really are. honest, jeno finds it hard to believe that he's never felt anything towards you since you're everything he could ever ask for in a girl. pretty and cute, snappy but sweet, the most perfect curve of lips and above all, you're an intellectual. he finds it attractive, he finds you attractive. fuck it, he likes you.

fortunately for him and unfortunately for you, your next tutoring session was scheduled for just a few days after, just enough time for him to get his act together and enough for you to cool your head enough sift through the thirty or so voice mails he'd left you. most of them seem to contain the same rueful, repentant tone, though a few seem to be displaying his slow spiral into self-deprecation. you're pretty sure the last is a mistake, a butt dial maybe.

jeno's not proficient with the knife, definitely not with how he's cutting the pears right now. he thinks he would've been better off bringing bananas but that would've seemed too insincere, wouldn't it? his thoughts are jumbling and sludging against one another when a finger of his slips and the fine edge of the knife is pressed on a knuckle. "fuck," he swears, his other hand already reaching over to the sink to run the cut under cold water. the sting is piercing and he looks away from the cut to the clock overhead. "double fuck," he mutters this time. the last thing he needs right now is you thinking that he stood you up. 

with steadfast athleticism, he finishes off the last of the pears with one hand. he's sure you'd laugh at the whole debacle if you were there though he's thankful you're not. jeno faces the fear that he sucks at everything except ice hockey, and he's barely getting by these days. he only ever feels confident on the rink with his stick in hand, crouched low so his eyes were level with the ice. he's never felt that much control over anything else, much less confessing to a girl and trying, somehow, to show that she was of much more worth than what he'd made it seem like. 

the library is a ten minute walk from his house, a three minute sprint. yes, he had sprinted. 

he knows for a fact that pears were the right way to go when you let the tiniest of smiles adorn your face at the sight of him setting the tupperware in front of you. you check your expression back into taut impassivity before he can indulge in his victory any longer. he knows you're not half as mad as you present yourself to be but that doesn't mean he'd take his mistakes lightly and go about this sleazily. jeno needs your trust. 

you resist the urge to reach over and flip over the hair that stood upright on the wrong side of his head. reverting your eyes onto the computer screen before you, "let's get started." not a half hour into your session, you're spaced out, eyes zoned onto the way jeno spins his pen between his fingers. maybe it's the lack of sleep that's getting to you.

"y/n? you good?"

you swallow thickly, removing your gaze from his hands, from him, from his paper, from anything that has to do with him. you notice how your chair has inched closer to his, or his to yours, you notice the finger-wide distance between you and him. shivers are sent down your spine. "let's take a break, is that fine?" jeno, from beside you, yawns and for a brief second you think he's about to pull the stretch and hand around shoulder trick. you blush unknowingly. 

jeno speaks before you can ask to resume the session, "can i say something?"

"is it work related?" you give your best efforts at keeping your voice level and head turned somewhat in his direction. in your peripheries, he cocks his head to the right, "...no, but we're on break." almost letting a huff escape your complexion, you relent, "fine then, shoot," figuring he would say it anyways.

"i want you to come to our next game."

you're lucky you had the whole scenario thought through, at least something can be harvested from your late nights spent tossing and turning, "i don't think i can-"

"y/n, i haven't even told you when."

"okay fine," you wrinkle your nose in distaste and hand out the truth for him to see, or hear, "i just don't want to." jeno is doing his best, he really is, but he knows that you've heard all that he has to say, if not once, then twenty-nine times over. the last one was a mistake. "did you get my voicemails?"

sighing, you chance a glance at him to see that he isn't the slightest bit annoyed, face drawn into a frown of sorts. you'll never admit that even just the sight could soften your set mindset. consideration replays in your irises when you answer the yes or no question with a decisive nod.

"then i'm sure you understand why i want you to come."

jeno lets you drive him home that day, he'd be the last to complain. the ride is silent from start to finish until right when he's about to close the passenger door, the car parked in front of his shared house. an, "i'll think about it," is what he's left to brew over for the next week or so as he stares that the text, read and unreplied, that he'd sent to remind you of the day and time of the game. he's anxious but it's only to that extent.

it's becoming more and more evident that jeno is loosing his touch on ice. he hates that the only thing he can attribute it to is his dwindling love life. he finds that the enforcer is atypically rough today but he's glad that his role at the goal requires the least interaction and footwork. he'd promised his coach that he would be more wary of his surroundings but he can't help the occasional glance at the rink entrance every once in awhile. what he doesn't understand is that his definition of 'once in awhile' marks at around every thirty seconds.

the last round is the most painful, undoubtedly, because it's as if his defeat is being dragged on and on, as if the giant timer above the rink is ticking to the heartbeat of a dead man. 

jeno can is aware that he's breathing. he's aware but he has to double check when the entrance doors open for the last time that game and you've arrived. you're standing by the doorway, apprehensive, but jeno can't get it past his head that you've arrived, that you're here. he'd have gotten decked in the face had you not motioned your head in the direction of the fast approaching puck and the burly man behind it.

he blocks the shot and every shot after. there's no need to wonder why.

the buzzer rings in his head so quick that he thinks time runs on his emotions rather than the clock. his helmet is often in seconds and he's making his way at supersonic speeds to the part of the rail where you're stood. the glass fogs with his breath as he tries to get his words across. 'i'll be quick,' he mouths. 

you count two minutes until he's off ice. jeno hasn't bothered to shower, he lacks the patience for it. he sits you down on the lowest of the bleachers, closest to the rink. standing over you, he finds that he has so much to say, so many things he wants to let you know, all the feelings he's ever bottled up for the girl so obviously made for him.

he's never had much of a way with words but he thinks that the romance movies hyuck's made him watch over the years give a pretty good overview of what to say in situations like these, "i'd cross the world for you." you snort back at him, nose crinkling in distaste at his choice of words and poking fun at him with your own, "rink, jeno. you mean you'd cross the rink for me."

"y/n, i'm tryna do something here," he whines, the pout on display mimicking his displeased but light-hearted implications. you're equally as amused, "oh yeah? what are you tryna do?"

"i'm tryna," he takes your two arms in his and wraps them around his middle. you instinctively fist the fabric of his blue jersey at the back, "jeno, what are you-" you stop when a hand of his own comes to trace the lines of your face softly. maybe he can't find the words but surely he could show you. if he could just…"you keep interrupting me, jeno."

drawn from his resolution, he's snappy when he retorts, "i think as your boyfriend i ought to have that privilege."

"boyfriend? since when did you-"

"i just did," he revels in the idea that you think him to be smooth with words when in reality the 'boyfriend' was a slip up, a mirror of his daydreams. he's over the moon that it worked out in his favor. while he fixates on just how much he feels for you, you're playfully annoyed at a whole other, "stop fucking interrupting me, jen-"

"i love you."

you blink up at him. well shit. a lot of things are happening and you lack the brain cells to process them. there's only one thing you can think to do, only one think that you're thinking about, have been thinking about, will still be thinking about. 

he may be the one to steal words right from your mouth but beyond that he's oblivious, you think. the smile still plays on his lips when he follows up, "is it okay to interrupt you if i say something like tha-"

you press a smile of your own onto his lips, cutting his words effectively. a hand of yours moves up to the curve of his neck to bring him down further, the angle at which he is kissing giving him all the advantage he needs to deepen it. when you part, you aren't surprised to see how half your body is leaning on the row of seats behind you and that jeno's entire body is sprawled on yours, supported by a knee on one side of you. 

you like your lips as you feel his breath hot on yours. "how's it feel now?"

shaking his head, jeno presses his temple to yours so that the only thing you can see is him, just him. "interrupt me any day, will you?"

copyright © 2020 rouiyan all rights reserved.

✧ end note — wrote this up in approx. three hours. lee jeno is so rude for interrupting all my other wips (that are also mostly for him). i hope you enjoyed because i did, i freaking love writing for him <3

[knickynoo]

Thoughts about Doc being neurodiverse?

This has been sitting in my ask box for...2 months? My apologies, anon, whoever you are. Anyway, I've mentioned briefly in the past that I headcanon Doc as autistic, something that seems to be shared with a lot of others in the fandom. He just strikes me as having so many of the hallmarks of (what used to be called) Asperger's Syndrome.

Social Difficulties: Now, part of Doc's social isolation comes directly from him purposely withdrawing from society in order to have greater privacy in his scientific pursuits, but I think it's fair to imagine that Doc simply does struggle to connect socially with those around him. Like, even if he wasn't "Crazy Doctor Brown", I don't see him being particularly adept at easily conversing with others, or even caring to. I think he's one of those guys with such a rich inner world that he's totally content to forgo confusing interpersonal relationships in favor of just doing his own thing. (Marty is the exception, of course, but that kid ain't NT either, so it all works out well)

There are small glimpses of Doc just generally not adhering to "typical" social rules. Like, there are many instances of him just disregarding personal space and grabbing Marty to get his attention (again: works out well because Marty is the type of person who probably needs those types of cues to focus), and there's also Doc's tendency to keep walking away in the middle of a conversation because he's pacing/running back and forth while he talks.

Intense Special Interests: Duh. Doc's had a laser focus on all things science since he was young. I don't think I need to go into the details of how fixated he is on the topic. I can imagine Marty and Einstein sit through many excited, rapid-fire info-dump sessions courtesy of Doc. And, obviously, we see some of this firsthand in the trilogy.

Asperger's has been referred to as "Little Professor Syndrome" due to the way some children with it present as being so intellectually and verbally advanced. I know we don't have too much info on Doc's really early years, but I can imagine he was rattling off advanced concepts from the time he could speak. Probably lightyears ahead of his peers and studying things the adults around him couldn't even fully grasp. (The animated series is BONKERS and definitely not what I would consider canon, but there is an episode featuring 4-year-old Doc and he's literally the Doc we know from the movies but smaller, lol)

Just...the very unique lens through which Doc sees and interprets the world. I mean, the man looks at a poster that clearly says "DANCE" and it comes out of his mouth as "rhythmic ceremonial ritual."

And listen, obviously Doc isn't canonically autistic or anything, but I feel the need to point out the annoying tendency for autistic characters to follow that whole trope of "incredibly brilliant, socially-clueless, walking encyclopedia, robot person." As someone who has a lot of familiarity and experience with autism, I do tend to be critical when characters are presented in such a stereotypical manner, because it totally ignores the vast differences amongst individuals on the spectrum.

So...it's kind of funny that I consider Doc one of my favorite "possibly autistic" characters, lol. But I think that's because, while he does follow a lot of those more common tropes, there's also genuine depth to him. We see that Doc, while very logical, intelligent, and eccentric, is also deeply emotional. He's not some cold, standoffish robot. He's the type to greet his best friend with a warm smile and a hug. He's open about how he's feeling (telling Marty he's going to miss him, getting choked-up while reading his letter to Marty, etc.). He'll put his life on the line without hesitation for the people he cares about and gets angry at anyone who may try to harm them. Doc is a well-rounded character, and I so appreciate that given the fact that I also see him as being neurodivergent.

Last little note: There was an article in an edition of Autism/Asperger's Digest that actually focused in on Doc and his many eccentricities and jokingly suggested he may be autistic. I was quite happy to be able to add that to support my headcanon. :)

Thanks for the ask!

[juminly]

Sugar & Spice

Matchup story written for @nafeary. ❤

Context: From the moment you walked through that door, you made yourself at home (at an incredible pace). Some of the residents were more than pleased to have someone new in the mansion, someone that could stir things up a bit and make things a bit livelier. And others (mostly Mozart, Jean and Isaac) wondered why they would even hope to disrupt the semblance of peace that they have.

You were surrounded by geniuses of all the arts and you were definitely going to take advantage of that. You took the time to spend time with each one of the residents or they would even invite you to spend time with them. Mozart told you about his music and would let you listen while he composed (after you made him understand that you would not leave him alone cause this is an opportunity of a lifetime that you wouldn’t miss), history and warfare from Napoleon, physics from Isaac and the list goes on and on.

One of the residents that seemed to be irritated by your presence was Theodorus. Or at least, that’s what you thought. He always had snarky comments, stating his opinion even when he wasn’t asked. It only seemed that you argued all the time.

[The few times that he’s called you “Hondje”, the punches he got from you were enough to make him stop. You were not all bark, you would bite too (he loved that but never admitted it)]

But that wasn’t the truth. You could call it “intellectual tension”. You were constantly engaged in debates without you noticing it. Theodorus had a wealth of knowledge when it came to the arts, appraising assets and had a keen eye for talent and genius.

He saw something in you and sometimes deep inside him actually believed that he didn’t really have anything to teach you and he somehow had to prove himself.

The day that brought you closer together was a very very weird idea from Sebastian. This man suddenly comes up with things and everyone has to go along with him because he always puts it under the guise of “this was advised by Monsieur le Comte”. He had prepared a cooking lesson where he taught you how to make the most delicious pancakes. Theodorus had a ferocious sweet tooth and if pancakes were involved, he would definitely play nice. And since he was guaranteed a plate stacked with over 8 pancakes, for the first time since you arrived, both of you actually had a nice time together, teasing one another about your techniques and talked about everything and anything that crossed your minds.

From that day and onwards, you would often bond over pancakes (and even go on walks) and he’d be interested to know about the exploits of other artists in the future (and see how he can learn from the information you have to give him).

[he once said: “are you ready for your walk, Hondje?” and you made him regret him by refusing to talk to him until he apologized profusely and in front of all residents for  his insolent behaviour]

As an avid lover and fanatic of Shakespeare and English literature in general, almost every single resident in the mansion froze when you mentioned his name. Except for Vincent. He was delighted to take you to see him.

In Theodorus’ mind, Shakespeare was a threat. To his brother and to you (he didn’t necessarily care about you [that’s what he tells himself] but you were the Comte’s guest so all residents had some sort of responsibility to ensure your safety]. He never liked him and he never will. He recognizes his genius but could clearly see, in those dichotomic eyes, an abyss of grief, darkness and sin. The man was starved for his muse and the universe to bless him with inspiration to create more art. And Theodorus didn’t want you to be a victim of that. 

[Shakespeare was no threat to you. He was pleased by your fascination with his work and enjoyed your conversations. He noticed the younger Van Gogh’s behaviour and knew for a fact that there would be other individuals who would have a part in your story. He would have to sit this one out and just watch.]

Everytime you and Vincent had a visit to Shakespeare’s place, Theodorus would escort you there and back. If it were anyone else, he wouldn’t give a damn but something inside him wanted to interact more with you. He knew that you could possibly open more doors for him. He noticed that you had an eye for things, very perceptive and analytical and your curiosity was your best trait. The more information you get, the better decisions and arguments you can make.

On your way to and from Shakespeare’s place, you and Theodorus would sometimes take detours while Vincent would go buy painting supplies. The younger Van Gogh would take you to art galleries, ask your opinion about other artists’ pieces and as time went by, he started taking you with him when he’d try to negotiate deals for certain venues. You would help him assess the locations, the type of public/audience that surrounded the area and debate on whether it would get the right exposure for Vincent’s art.

The more you both interacted with one another, you discovered that you both might seem like you’re rough around the edges but what drives you the most is your curiosity and your desire to uncover/discover the broad horizons that the world actually had to offer. Theodorus believed in you and knew that you were capable of so much and was so glad that you found yourself in the mansion with all these men, to learn and be who you aspire to be. 

After a while, Mozart was so used to your behaviour which was bizarre to him but completely normal to you. You didn’t take it personally cause Mozart thought everyone was weird. Listening to the composer just play, day and night, ethereal music just swimming in the air and coursing through your body. You would close your eyes and enjoy the music, and sometimes, even dance to it.

Theo passed by the room a few times and thought that you were probably out of your mind… Then after a few times, he couldn’t help but sneak into the music room and dance with you. He was surprisingly light on his feet and it said a lot about his upbringing, something that he was not fond of talking about, but you couldn’t blame him for it.

Genuine smile and seemed like he was enjoying himself, he held you up and twirled you around, letting your feet land on his so he could do all the leading and you would just have to enjoy the ride. Dancing together, your laughter was enough to earn you both a good scolding from Mozart, however, you could see the slight quirk in the corner of his lips. He was pleased to see others thoroughly enjoy his music.

Your interactions with Arthur were always interesting. And this man had a thing with harassing you in the hallway, inviting you into his room, leaning in close, wanting to show you all the joy and pleasure a vampire has to offer. It became more of a joke and a type of banter you would engage in with the mystery writer. However, Theo was not aware of that. He happened to pass by one of your interactions one day and didn’t hesitate to growl loudly at Arthur for making a pass at you, even baring his fangs at him. [He was then so embarrassed to know that both of you were just joking around and immediately left with a disgruntled expression. (you definitely saw a pout also!)]

One day, Arthur was feeling very playful and invited you out to hang out with him at the bar. He had a few games in mind and he had a lot to “teach you”. Even with his sneaky attitude, you tagged along with him and had quite an eventful night. Arthur played a few rounds of poker with some other patrons, with you at his side. He gave you tips on how to read people and pointers on how to find their weak points and tells.

When the clock struck 11, Arthur excused himself to the restroom, leaving you surrounded by the other patrons who took it as an opportunity to make a move on you.

And who just happened to enter the bar at the same exact moment? The younger Van Gogh. (Well played, Arthur).

Theo’s eyes almost flashed at the sight of those men, leering so disgustingly over you. In the blink of an eye, he was by your side and glaring daggers at them. “If you value your own life, I suggest you all stay put in your seats. You, come with me.” Unsure on whether he should take you by the hand or not, he stepped aside and gestured for you to join him with his hand.

One of the men did the grave mistake of trying to reach for you and you could almost swear you heard Theodorus threaten to cut both his hands off if he dared to touch you. 

Once you made it to the table, you saw how flustered the man was and the crease between his eyebrows was so deep. It wasn’t a look that suited him but it obviously amused you to see him in a state like this (in a situation that has nothing to do with his brother).

Theo: Why on earth are you here at this godforsaken hour? Toni: Theo… you need to relax.

Theo: Easy for you to say, Hond… Toni. Do you even realize what those men were planning to do to you? Toni: It doesn’t really matter what they were planning to do. I wasn’t going to let them do anything to me anyway. You know me. Plus, I’m not even here on my own. Arthur was with me. Theo: *his frown only got worse and he covered his face with his hands, rubbing hard* That son of a… Toni: *you leaned closer to him, rubbing your thumb between his brow* As much as I like seeing you like this, this expression doesn’t suit your smug (and stupidly) handsome face. Theo: *he scoffed and a crooked smile appear on his face* Handsome, huh? Toni: Oh, shut your mouth. It’s not like you weren’t really aware of that.

Theo: *exhales and shakes his head* Arthur got me good. 

Toni: Huh? Theo: He knows that I believe you’re a masterpiece… I can see it in your eyes. You’re so strong, so fierce… *he gently takes your hand and kisses the inside of your palm* Don’t look at me like that. I’m serious… *he keeps talking and it almost seems like he’s pouting, his cheeks tinted in the most adorable shade of pink* You’re a treasure that I’ve come across…You’ve become so precious to me and… I can’t let you go. *he pressed a soft kiss on your lips* I don’t want to.

You told him from the very start that you were asexual. Theodore was not shy to ask you any questions about what that meant and to learn more about you. If anything, It taught him to look at things in a different way, especially in how he expressed his love to you.

When you became lovers, you discovered that he has trouble sleeping and barely manages to get a few hours a day. He worries too much about his brother, about the future of his art and whether he’s actually capable of getting people to truly recognize his work. Apparently, he spends all night just reading books and occasionally drinking. But, not for long!

You would force the tall boy in bed and force him into a death-grip cuddle so that he can’t distract himself with anything else but focusing on laying by your side, your warmth and your voice. You would hammer the truth into him, lay it on thick and you knew for a fact that he would do the same for you. You would tell him all the things he needed to hear and know, tell him where he should try to grow and also know when and how to let go. No sugar-coating and no poetry or romancing involved in it. Both of you kept things real all the time which is something that you adored about one another.

If you touch the ridges of his ear, he’ll get awfully ticklish and call you a “monster’ and you couldn’t help but grin at that and say  “I’m your little monster”.

That was enough to make this grown-ass man all blushy and mumble something along the lines of “Don’t be so full of yourself”.

His weakness is whenever you actually make him feel like he belongs to you and you belong to him.  

As a token of his love for you, Theo came up with an interesting idea and wanted both of you to share something that reminded you of one another. He gifted you a pair of amethyst earrings (your horoscope gemstone) but there was a catch. One earring for you and the other for him. So you both went to get your ears pierced in the same place and wore it with pride.

He acknowledges the fact that you have your limits and boundaries and he fully respects them. Relationships are all about giving and taking.

He vowed to you that he would not take blood from another and only drink Blanc and Rouge. He cannot fathom the idea of drinking from another human but you. It went without saying that, only if you were willing and actually wanted to, he would gladly drink your blood. From which part of your body? He didn’t give a damn, even if it were from the tip of your finger, he would be satisfied to know the taste of the blood that courses through your vein, the taste of the life in you. As a vampire, he can’t help his instincts in wanting to consume the blood of his beloved.

He gets a bit flustered if he gets hard and usually just jerks himself to get it out of the way. He also enjoys it when you talk to him while he’s pleasuring himself, reminding him how much you love him (Nothing makes him happier than when he hears those words from you, even if they make him blush) and whenever you feel like giving him a hand, he’ll never actively ask for it though.

Theo did the stupid mistake of teasingly asking you for a kiss and smirking at you. He’d expect you to get on the tip of your toes and try to reach for his lips. What he didn’t expect was for you to punch him in the gut and grab his face and kiss him while he was hunched over. Smug bastard got what he deserved but he was pained and happy nonetheless.

Arthur can’t help but chuckle whenever he sees how Theodorus looks at you or acts around you. He’d tease him and say that you’ve tamed the wolf and turned him into a mutt.

And you’d simply reply back by saying “Maybe it was just meant to be” and didn’t that just draw a shit-eating grin on your boyfriend’s face (he stopped calling you Hondje a long time ago).

Places he kisses to show you affection: your wrists and temples.

Bonus:

Dazai would always use the following nicknames “curious little thing” and “curious little creature” just to tease you.

But your boyfriend was having none of that. Theo was not taking any of that and the writer’s intentions were more than clear to him. He’d sneer at him with “This little creature is mine. Make sure to remember that.”

It’s as if Theodorus knew, that if he didn’t approach you in time… Dazai would be the one to snatch you since he’s your runner-up suitor. ;)

[astrologysvt]

Chan’s Ideal Type - Natal Chart Reading

Happy Birthday Chan~ 🎉 Thank you for inventing kpop 💛posted early cuz i managed to get it done in time for when it’s actually his bday in korea!

For ideal types, I’m not going to be doing specific placements of their ideal partner. Instead, I’m gonna be listing personality traits I think would mesh well with them, as well as focus on their needs and the kind of person who could meet them. what this reading cannot account for is the compromising the members would do on their end for their s/o. so just keep in mind this is only half of the whole picture!

someone very smart.

he’s a very communicative person. 

he wants to discuss and have an exchange of knowledge and passion thanks to that aqua sun and mercury. 

with a sag influence there is a desire to surround himself with knowledge, and i think he’d be very attracted to someone who could be considered a professional/expert in their field. 

he’d not only really respect it, but it’d feel exciting to know and communicate with someone who is so deeply involved in a career/lifestyle different from his. 

he’d love to pick their brain, and it would generally make him feel like his life is being enriched. 

sag also adds a desire for travel as it expands ones perspective.

so derived from that, he may want to be with someone who is both not in the entertainment biz as well as someone potentially from a different country/culture. 

chan is a really interesting mix being of very knowledgable and curious (aqua/sag), passionate and active (sag), dedicated and stubborn (aqua/scorpio), mixed with this very thoughtful and emotional influence (pisces/scorpio). 

he has a very well-rounded chart (potentially tunnel visioned) but he’s a very sincere guy. 

he’s present on almost all fronts, and isn’t very afraid of emotions or emotional intensity.

so he wants someone with a great deal of intelligence, as well as  emotional intelligence. 

he’s also very honest, and with this brings a very low tolerance for people who may be overly concerned with appearances.

this is due to his aquarius influence valuing individuality over conformity, as well as his scorpio mars that gives him a very keen eye for shallowness. 

it’s not that he wouldn’t like someone who looked/dressed a certain way, but if he felt as though there was something blocking him from gaining his s/o’s full attention, or something preventing them from leveling with him -- that’d really frustrate him. 

so with this kind of “truth-seeking” attitude about life, he’s going to want someone very upfront, honest, and unapologetic in how they carried themselves/acted with him. 

not even in a sense of them being rebellious or super eccentric, he just wants someone who doesn’t feel the need to put up any fronts around him or has a perception of what they should be together vs. to others. 

if he feels like there is a wall, he’s not going to have a lot of patience in trying to accommodate that in his daily life. 

this is also emphasized by his pisces influence, but not necessarily in a discerning “ur being fake” sense.

he is incredibly intuitive in relationships because of his pisces venus, and this makes him conscious of other people’s energies. 

so he’s very hyperaware if he feels like there is this wall, as it’d feel like there is this connection error to him. he’s very quick to notice if their energies are being withheld/directed elsewhere. 

layers, on the other hand, are very different from walls.

his scorpio mars loves people with depth, both emotionally and intellectually. 

his s/o should be very complex & have a bunch of different sides to them as he loves feeling like he’s delving deeper and seeing parts of his s/o only he can see. 

his s/o should be very open to deep and philosophical conversations. 

they should also be different enough from him that there is a feeling of discovery as they get to know each other, as well as a decent amount of friction/push back as this is very rewarding to a scorpio/aqua influence. 

but with this sense of difference/friction. 

it’s interesting because with a well-rounded chart like his, he’s obviously able to get along with people similar to him, while also having this ability to communicate and empathize with people much different from him as well. 

and so, personally, i think there are a bunch of factors in dino’s chart that point towards him being attracted to those very different.

one of them being, with his rising in aries, this puts his descendent in libra.

i’ve been talking a lot about descendants but i haven’t really gotten too much into what they mean. 

so your rising sign is very highly linked not only to your identity, but to your perspective and to your approach on life/people. 

it’s the energy you excert. 

with aries in his rising this makes him a very straightforward, ambitious, energetic, and excitable person. 

his approach to life is very hands-on. 

and so if you think about your rising as a kind of magnetic pole, on the exact opposite side of it is an energy that is intrinsically attracted to your rising sign in order to balance it out.  

so on the opposite side of his rising you have this very diplomatic, intellectual, and easygoing presence through libra. 

this is the descendent, which is also the cusp for the 7th house which is the house of love, marriage, and partnership. 

so having libra in his descendent/7th house signifies an incorporation of external energies to the self through partnership. 

to me, there are a bunch of different interpretations/applications of it in a reading, but i generally tend to read it as compromise.

i see it as what this individual most likely needs to take into account when sharing their life with someone else. 

for chan, this manifests as him learning to be more diplomatic and thoughtful than he initially feels inclined to be. 

it’d be about thinking “other” when he’s more focused on thinking “me.”

so what this means for an ideal type can kind of go in a bunch of different ways, but i think the most simplest reading would be that he’d more than likely be drawn/destined to be with someone who is going to force him to think. 

he’s going to want to be with someone who forces him to stop before acting, and to take into account the general group as opposed to his own agenda. 

teaching him to think more broadly than simply what he can immediately affect.

and this more or less loops in his pisces venus. 

his pisces venus is a very gentle, loving influence to have in relationships. 

he’s an ultra empath, generally really impressionable and easily swayed as he’s super inclined to try and understand others.

this is an influence that can kind of throw his truth-seeking scorpio through a loop, as his pisces can be easily swayed by romance and emotion. 

this danger is especially relevant considering the idealist/optimist that his sag moon is that makes him maybe not the most discerning of negative intent if someone is charismatic enough. 

so this is an influence that both needs to be reeled in as well as embraced. 

his s/o should be as equally emotionally open and very privy to non-verbal communication through affection and that emotional intelligence. 

he wants a relationship where they’re able to understand what the other needs without putting it in so many words. 

they should also able to understand when each other needs space. 

but with that, he’d also really benefit being with someone who is grounded/realistic enough in their perspective to ensure that he doesn’t get lost in this super compassionate/sensitive part of him without him needing to shut it off entirely. 

i also think this stabilizing influence in a s/o other is really important for him with this pisces venus as he may have a tendency to get lost in thoughts/emotions. 

he is such an individualistic person thanks to this aqua/sag/scorpio, but his pisces may come in and create a sense of disillusion where he can lose his grasp on what that means for him especially in relationships.

so someone who really and genuinely loves him for him, who isn’t going to incorporate a sense of self-doubt/consciousness in how emotional he is, while also truly encouraging him to go out there and do his thing. 

they should allow him to be all the things that come easily to him, may it be passion or emotion, while teaching him balance and stability. 

his s/o other should reinforce his sense of self, not dilute it. 

and now that i’m writing this i want to make a point in perspective. 

in relationships, no one should ever feel “diluted” or that they need to compromise on what being themselves means.  

but for dino, since his perspective is so individualistic, there are certain circumstances that he may view as restrictive that to others will not. 

lets say for a cancer influence, these people really like security, company, and are pretty comfortable with the idea of being someone else’s person as this gives them a sense of belonging/purpose. these “restrictions” add to their sense of self

for an aquarius influence, this may seem a bit off-putting as they want the space/freedom to continue to pursue being their authentic self in whatever way that may mean to them. for this influence, these definitely feel more like restrictions. 

i think it’s also really interesting doing this reading because i really get the sense he wants to look to his s/o other for strength, guidance, and knowledge. 

and for that reason i can see him wanting to be with someone older. 

as much as he wants to offer these energies to someone else, he may find it much more exciting to discover rather than impart. 

i also think this is shown in his rising/descendent. 

with his rising being in aries, the first sign of the astrological cycle, this gives him a very young perspective. 

then you go to his descendent in libra, and there is a sense of maturing in relationships that i think is very indicative of that “older” influence.  

“older” in quotations mainly because i don’t think it indicates a large age gap but rather more so just a dynamic.  

but overall, chan is just a super kind guy. 

he wants a relationship filled with compassion and intellectual understanding. 

communication is an absolute pillar and his s/o should agree on that. 

there’s a desire in him for stability, and this could be implemented through push-back, discussion, and contrast. 

and i think if i had to narrow it down to one specific thing he desires in a relationship, that’d be variety. 

he wants to learn and grow in relationships, and for his world to be ultimately broadened. 

[multsicorn]

this may or may not be a pimping post

Before I got into The Untamed, what I knew was: yeah, it’s gay.  It’s a tv show from China, so there’s censorship, but the two main guys really are in love.  They get married, they have a child together.  All of which is true!  And none of which is enough to make me watch something, guys.  So what’s the story?  Well:

In fantasy ancient China, against a background of intrigue and strife between powerful clans of magic-users (aka ‘cultivators’)… two young men meet at school, flirt, and become friends.  As the aforementioned strife explodes into all-out war, the free-spirited Wei Wuxian starts using dark (aka ‘demonic’) magic, and eventually finds himself in opposition to the rest of the clans.  Caught between the rogue necromancer he loves and the rules of the world he believes in, what will the virtuous Lan Wangji do?

(and after a time-skip, sixteen years later, after Wei Wuxian has died and come back to life - that’s not a spoiler, it’s the start of the show - when the demonic magic that Wei Wuxian developed and the power struggle among the clans that killed him are still around, and again making trouble, how will Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian overcome these dangers, and finally get their shit together?)

THAT’S the story.  Doesn’t that sound more interesting?

And I love so many many things about it, I just had to try to make a list.

~~~~~~

First off, The Untamed is DELICIOUSLY TROPETASTIC.  IDDY AS FUCK.  etc.  Let me count some of the AO3 tags:

There is so much hurt/comfort.  Wei Wuxian, especially, gets hurt, threatened, tied or locked up, etc., so many times throughout this show, and we get to dwell on his suffering so much.  Lan Wangji’s frequently there to protect him and/or help him recover!  And it goes the other way round, too: Lan Wangji gets hurt or threatened, and Wei Wuxian heals or protects him.

There is… not quite huddling for warmth?  But Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji get trapped together in a cave, not just once, but twice!  The second scene goes so far as to include some undressing on the premise of ‘let me get out of these wet clothes,’ and sleeping sitting up next to each other.

For that matter, there’s multiple instances of undressing for ‘important plot reasons.’  Multiple instances of carrying or attempting to carry each other, for ‘important plot reasons.’  And Wei Wuxian putting Lan Wangji to bed (so tenderly!) for ‘important plot reasons.’

SO MANY people get tied up SO MUCH I’m just saying.  I kept noticing it ^__^.

There’s a pair of older (not-explicitly-canon) male cultivators who are wandering the world together, basically doing exactly what Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji want to do, showing them that it’s possible.

Speaking of ‘after the time-skip’ - like I said, Wei Wuxian dies and is resurrected.  Lan Wangji not only mourns him for sixteen years, but also takes in and raises a young boy who Wei Wuxian had introduced as his own son.  (That’s the ‘have a child together’ part, and also canon kidfic, and I don’t even go there but it’s so adorable.)

Again, speaking of ‘they’re just this canon’ - they go through several key of traditional Chinese courtship and wedding rituals together, WITHOUT EVER TALKING ABOUT IT, cause it’s just, apparently, something they silently agree to do.  (And Wei Wuxian touches Lan Wangji’s ‘only for parent, children, and spouses’ ~sacred forehead ribbon~ several times, starting in episode six.)

~~~~~~

Some more of my FAVORITE THINGS EVER that aren’t quite so smush-em-together:

Lan Wangji HUMS A SONG for Wei Wuxian when they’re trapped in mortal peril in a cave - BY WHICH HE THEN RECOGNIZES Wei Wuxian when Wei Wuxian plays it almost twenty years later.

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji are so drift compatible.  Whether they’re investigating or fighting or playing duets or doing magic, they trust each other implicitly, and grow to understand each other so well that they can eventually communicate with simply a look.

There are multiple times when Lan Wangji holds Wei Wuxian back from ~going too far,~ when Wei Wuxian’s being influenced by the demonic magic.  Lan Wangji knows Wei Wuxian just that well; Lan Wangji’s grip on Wei Wuxian’s wrist is enough to stop him.  And sometimes it isn’t!  Multiple times, also, Lan Wangji attacks Wei Wuxian with his sword, not even in spite of but because of the fact that he cares (so very much!) about him.  And there’s multiple times when Wei Wuxian (almost, or actually) invites Lan Wangji to kill him - only, specifically, Lan Wangji - if that’s what needs doing.

(That whole paragraph above is literally MY FAVORITE THING EVER, I could go a far way towards obsession just from that alone.  Being honest about myself here.)

And then there’s Wei Wuxian as a character: his endless questioning of rules and accepted ways of doing things.  The restlessness, both physical and intellectual, that makes him so much fun to watch, all the time, cause he’ll never sit still, or stop running his mouth.  The way he’s constantly delighted by every little thing, food and wine and his own cleverness.  Whenever everything else has paused for a bit, he is still A DELIGHT.

And THEN, there’s Wei Wuxian building a whole new home (and ~found family~, but, like, literally, they’re compared directly to his family-of-origin which he’s been forced by plot reasons to leave behind) for himself from the ground up in the Burial Mounds.  At the height of the conflict!  He’s figuring out how to grow lotus roots, and trying to make enough money for other food by selling (the subtitles say turnips, but it looks like daikon), hiding away and building houses and inventing on a cursed mountainside.

~~~~~

And it’s not all about the main characters!  The most important of the general themes above: suffering, comfort and protection, restraining or fighting with people you love - recur among many secondary characters.  I couldn’t list how many relationships of loyalty and obligation, conflicted or not, there are in this show - along with some very devasating betryals!

There’s a complicated sibling relationship (between the main character and his foster brother) which honestly rivals the central romantic pairing for me… which I could write a whole other post about, but that’s not this post.  There are, actually, quite a few interesting, intense, and variably fucked-up sibling relationships in this show!

There’s a couple of characters who are very good at manipulation, although who and how doesn’t become clear until the end of the show.

And then there’s the whole wonderfully fucked up tragedy which is the Yi city arc: a psycho mass murder is rescued by and lives domestically with a ~too good for this world~ Taoist monk, whom he both tricks into murdering people and also genuinely falls for.  And screws up irrevocably.

And the shallowest stuff: scenery porn!  costume porn!  swooshy hair and swooshy robes and swords and arrows and magic talismans (some of which are written in one’s own blood) and flutes and stringed instruments (guqins) and cute bunnies and a ‘wonder’ dog that the lead is scared of even though it’s adorable!

There’s so very much that I love.  These are the main things, I think.

~~~

There are some things I don’t like, too.

The pacing is just a mess.  The first two episodes make no sense as they’re placed, they introduce a bunch of characters that you’ll never see again and some more you won’t see until two-thirds through the show, and they’re in complete medias res re: the plot.  Everyone seems to say ‘just don’t worry,’ but if you don’t like watching things you don’t get (like me? is this such a rare preference?), I would say to actually start with episode three, and then in the middle of or after episode 33 (you’ll know when, it’ll be obvious), go back to episodes 1 and 2 to watch the start of the post-resurrection story.  Even skipping past the first two episodes, the plot takes a while to get going: if you like the lighthearted school shenanigans, you won’t have much of those for long, and if you prefer Conflict and Drama like me, you’ve still got to wait a little while.

(Lan Wangji starts having expressions, eventually, and Wei Wuxian becomes (somewhat) less of a brat.)

It’s cheesy fantasy show with not-great production values, the fight scenes and so on look ridiculous.  I love the costumes and the acting but… I’m not picky re: those sorts of things.  The reaction shots go on way too long (until you’re obsessed with every character and are glad for them), and subsequent shots sometimes have a way of overlapping with each other so that when the angle changes it looks like you’ve rewound a split second.

Lots of stuff about how the magic works never makes any sense.  Don’t worry, just go with it.

Lots and lots AND LOTS of people die.  I think the gore level is pretty mild/moderate, compared to the body count?  The show’s a sausage fest (about ~80% or more male, maybe closer to ~90% by screentime!) and although there are several interesting female characters, all but one minor one die by the story’s end.  (Also, although there’s no rape on-screen of women or of significant characters - there is of one minor villainous male character, and explicitly one and very arguably two backstories of rape between characters’ parents.)

~~~

If you wanna take a look at the show before diving right in, here are a few of my favorite vids:

The Archer by lolachrome, a character study of the main character (Wei Wuxian)

Daylight by helcinda, about the main relationship (Wangxian)

Sharp-Dressed Men by alpheratz, for the ooh shiny factor

Devil from Heaven by gamachanlive, focused on all the suffering and conflict and all four of my personal favorite relationships

[quicksilverlightning]

The Interview

Might Tower is imposing, even on a clear day. Now, with the storm clouds rolling overhead, you could easily imagine it as a supervillain’s lair. You sigh wistfully, thinking of the umbrella you left on the bus.

You enter the lobby through the double doors and immediately head for the press entrance. The security clearance is swift and painless - metal detector, ID check, page though your notebook, nothing terribly invasive. The guard that has just finished patting you down gives an apologetic smile and a temporary badge that you clip on to your jacket. You ignore the main elevator and walk quickly over the glossy floor, passing the information desk where another guard is chatting up the redheaded secretary, and several cased displays of memorabilia, detailing both large and small moments in the long career of All Might.

The smaller elevator you’ve been directed to is tucked against the back wall and you swipe the badge, nodding to the guard with more confidence than you actually feel. You were invited here after all, one of dozens of reporters clamoring for the opportunity to interview All Might in the aftermath of Kamino Ward.

You nearly fell out of your chair when the boss tossed the press packet on your desk. It wasn’t until later, after the initial shock wore off, that things began to make a little more sense - the small-time office you work at was destroyed in the hero’s final fight. Even though you knew All Might was personally footing the bill for a significant amount of the reconstruction, you wouldn’t put it past your boss to put a guilty spin on the request for an interview; it was a small price to pay for recompense, surely?  

You shake these thoughts off as the elevator stops at the 48th floor, just a few flights short of the top. The door opens with a musical ding and you find yourself in an open room covered in a creamy golden carpet. The walls are a rich, warm brown between vast swaths of windows overlooking the cityscape. Large rectangular frames decorate the walls at regular intervals; the nearest one is just a few steps from the elevator, and you realize that they’re movie posters. You can see some superhero films, as expected, but also a Western, a few sci-fi flicks, some sort of period drama, and, surprisingly, a couple of animated movies. The one you’re looking at is autographed, and you suspect every poster in this room is as well.

“Admiring my collection?”

The voice is deep and smooth, a far cry from the boisterousness of All Might, but you jump all the same. The man himself is standing on the other side of the room, hands clasped loosely behind his back, apparently watching the city as he waited for your arrival. He raises his arms in a placating motion at your start with a sheepish grin.

“Sorry, sorry, didn’t mean to startle,” he scratches the back of his neck awkwardly.

He’s tall is the first thing in your mind. You knew that of course, intellectually, but seeing it in person is another thing entirely. All Might towers over you even slouched as he is, folded over on himself as though he’s afraid to take up too much space. His face is gaunt, but not unpleasant, blond hair bursting from his head like a sunflower. Long, spindly limbs stretch from his torso - all in all, he looks more like a scarecrow than a professional hero, even a retired one. You jolt again when you realize he’s watching you, waiting for a response.

“Ah, no, sorry - I was the one spacing out.”

It’s your turn to fumble, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear, clutching at your notebook a little tighter. You jump one more time when he throws back his head and laughs.

“Well, miss,” he swings an arm wide. “Welcome to Might Tower! I have to say, you got up here faster than any of the others.”

You furrow your brow. Faster? He doesn’t wait for you to ask.

“I let the security team give visitors a little hell when they get a bit too entitled.” There’s a spark of mischief in his grin. “Gives me an idea of what’s coming for me.”

You can’t help the breathy giggle that escapes, lifting a hand to stifle it.

“So, me being the fastest…”

“Tells me that you’re polite, and probably of a rather calm disposition,” he nods with a wink. He moves away from the window towards the middle of the room where two overstuffed couches sit on either side of a wooden coffee table.

“Please, have a seat. Can I offer you some tea?”

“Oh, yes, thank you.” A hot cup of tea sounds delightful after the chill outside. You seat yourself in the middle of the couch.

All Might looks startled at your easy acceptance for a moment then laughs again. He shuffles over to a small counter against the wall, still chuckling.

“I’ve been making that offer to every reporter that’s come up here for almost two weeks,” he sounds genuinely pleased. “This is the first time anyone’s taken me up on it!”

He bustles about, grabbing dishware and sugar packets, setting a kettle on a small warmer. He loads everything on to a silvery tray, leaving the water to boil. The tray is placed on the dark wood between you and he settles himself on the opposite couch.

"You’re from the Kamino office, yes? The one caught in the crossfire?” His tone takes on a more somber note. You can see the guilt resting in the lines of his face and you find yourself rushing to reassure the former hero.

“Yes, but it’s not your fault!” You cringe inwardly, worried your voice was a little too loud, too eager.

“No one was there that night anyway and, well, the building wasn’t all that great.” You offer a timid smile that grows a little wider when the tension in his shoulders eases.

“All the same,” All Might runs a hand through his mane of blond hair. “I am sorry,” he looks tired, guilty, and you search for something to say.

“It’s okay. Really!” Your voice is too loud again when it looks like he doesn’t believe you. “I’m looking forward to working in a nicer office. Something with an open floor plan, maybe a few more windows."

He chuckles at your burst of enthusiasm. It’s a low sound that rumbles around the room like distant thunder. A moment later, you realize it was thunder - you forgot all about the storm brewing outside. You glance over; it isn’t raining, not yet, but there are streaks of water against the large windows. All Might hums in the back of his throat, pushing himself off the couch.

“That’s one of the things I like about these tall buildings,” he moves to grab the steaming kettle.

“You like the rain?”

Steam billows from the spout as he pours water over the tea leaves.

“I do. I find it soothing.” He places a small cup on your side of the table before pouring his own.

“Well,” you decide to tease him a little. “I suppose being a hero is quite the stressor.”

“Indeed,” he takes a sip. “But I doubt you’re here to make small talk about the weather.”

Right. The interview. To business then. You open up your notebook and click your pen.. Am interview with All Might - the number one hero and dream client of every journalist. The rest of the office was seething with jealousy, but you’d been chosen for this because… well, nevermind that now.

You didn’t want to think about why.

“So… uh…”

He’s casually stretched out on the couch, one arm resting along the back, legs folded over each other at the knee, waiting. Your throat feels suddenly dry, tongue cumbersome in your mouth. There’s a memory of grit in your eyes, blood on your lips.

You thought you were ready for this; you thought the questions on the first page of your notebook would be enough to guide you through your nerves. The pen in your hand clicks and clicks before it suddenly slips from your sweaty hand. You fumble and fail to catch it before the pen bounces off the coffee table and lands on the carpet. All Might reaches to grab it just before you, long arms stretching impossibly far and you jerk back before your heads collide. He offers the pen back with an easy smile, and you can feel your face heating up as you take it.

“I’m doing this all wrong, aren’t I?”

You pinch the corners of your eyes, frustrated and embarrassed. He surprises you by chuckling and leaning forwards.

“It’s perfectly all right,” he says with a light pat to your knee. “I promise you, this won’t be the worst interview I’ve taken part in. Take a breath dear, and ask me what you want to know.”

You do so, holding the air in your lungs a moment before letting go with a noisy exhale. You’re still fidgety, twisting the pen around your fingers, and it doesn’t escape his notice. He laughs again.

“There’s no need to be nervous,” he leans back into the plush couch. “I’ve given so many interviews over the years - there’s not a lot left you can shock me with.” His smile is crooked like he’s trying not to laugh again, and he gives you a cheery thumbs up.

You look down at the notebook in your lap, scanning the questions your boss and co-workers have scribbled down. It’s the usual parade All Might has been getting for thirty years - what’s your Quirk? What advice would you give to aspiring heroes? Are you single? - alongside a new set that has been making the rounds for the past few weeks - what will you do now? How could you hide this for so long? Is your presence at the school putting the students in danger?  

You came here to ask these questions, but suddenly find yourself annoyed. You want to rip the page out, crumple it into a ball, and set it on fire. Instead, you sigh and carefully tear the page out, passing the sheet to All Might.

“You’re right; there’s nothing on this page that you haven’t been asked before.” You can see his eyes passing quickly over the list.

“You must be tired of giving the same answers over and over again.”

“It’s all part of the job, my dear,” he passes the page back, still smiling.

“The job…”

Something in the way he says it gives you pause.

“But… being a hero wasn’t just a job to you, was it?”

He doesn’t answer, cocking his head to one side, sensing you have more to say. You rush forward, before the thought escapes.

“I mean, you’ve never just done the bare minimum - everything is above and beyond with you. You always have time for fans and autographs, there’s always a charity donation, always another villain, another rescue. You’ve given so much more than you ever had to.”

All Might isn’t smiling now, and you feel tears spring to your eyes.

“You’ve given so much - your time, your body, your health, to a world that takes and takes and never offers anything back. Even now, after everything… after you’ve given everything… people out there are trying to bring you down. And you’re still here, just giving the answers to people that are going to use them against you.”

You really are crying now, slow tears crawling over your cheek before being roughly wiped away.

“I - I don’t want to be another person that just takes something from you. But there’s nothing I can give.”

You’ve been looking down this entire time, watching the stains on your notebook get bigger, but look up when a hand enters your field of vision. All Might is leaning forward again, sliding his palm across the side of your face as his calloused thumb brushes your tears away. His smile is gentle and sad and the tenderness of the gesture is enough to make you cry harder, burying your face in your hands.

There’s a soft rustle from across the table and you feel the dip of the couch as All Might settles beside you, one arm resting across your back and shoulders. You sense rather than hear his quiet murmurs, vague sensations of it’s alright and don’t be sorry, and you realize that you’ve been apologizing for the last half-minute. You aren’t even sure why - for crying? For everything he’s lost? For the vultures circling, waiting to take even more from this good, impossibly kind man?

Something in your chest aches and you fold your palms over your heart, bent double, and his hand is still on your back, sliding up and down between your shoulder blades, rubbing little circles along your spine. He sits quietly and lets your sorrow run its course around him, like a boulder in a river. Each small kindness - his patience, the offer of tea, the soft half-hug he has you wrapped in - has only magnified his humanity. He’s All Might - he’s been a hero for longer than you’ve been alive, but here, his weakened form warm against your side, all you can think about is the blood he left on the ground that night, his uselessly broken arm dangling limp from the socket, the tattered cape he ripped apart with his teeth and used to tourniquet the leg of a woman rescued from the rubble.

Because you lied - there was someone in the office that night. You had slept there, pushing yourself towards a deadline you knew, that your boss knew, you weren’t going to be able to meet. It was why your boss gave this job to you; you were the only one who’d had a front row seat of the destruction. You were there when the ground shook you awake, the shockwave of the battle rattling the windows from over half a kilometer away. You were there with the crowd panicking in the street, confused, terrified, lost as the world simply crumbled and collapsed with each explosion. You were there as he stood alone against an enemy you couldn’t comprehend, that none of you could comprehend, alone against an unimaginable evil that sapped his strength and wore him down and broke him over and over again and he was still there, still standing between darkness and the people he swore to protect.

Once you’ve cried yourself out, some semblance of awareness of the world begins to return. You sit up slowly and All Might removes his arm, standing and grabbing the tea set from the table. He pours the lukewarm water away and begins a fresh pot, politely allowing you a few moments to gather yourself. You close your eyes and recline into the couch, letting your spine stretch itself out again, and breathe deeply for a few minutes. A soft clink tells you that All Might is back and you open your eyes to find him offering a new cup of tea with that same sad, gentle smile.

You reach out with a small thanks and if your fingers tremble a little, he doesn’t say anything.

“Sorry. Again.”

He pauses a moment while pouring his own cup.

“You know,” he places the teapot back on the tray.

“Many, many people have cried on me. Terrified children, thankful parents. Over-eager fans,” his grin is a little cheeky here, and you find yourself returning the sentiment in spite of yourself.

“Tears of relief, fear, joy,” he gazes into his teacup like it holds all the mysteries of the universe. He looks up and you find yourself trapped by the intensity of his gaze.

“But this is the first time someone’s ever cried for me.”

His eyes are full of strength and pride, gratitude and something else, something you have no name for. He holds you there for several heartbeats, each one pulsing in your ears until you can’t help but blink and the moment is gone. He sets his cup down.

“So thank you.” The sad smile is back.

“Thank you for crying for me.”

Your eyes are beginning to prickle again, and you hurriedly wipe the feeling away with a sniff. He takes a sip from his cup and looks away, giving you a moment to shuffle and settle. You take another deep breath.

“A-anyway,” your voice is shaky, but you do your best to press on.

“I guess… what I want to ask… well, no, I don’t want to ask anything really.” You really have messed this up, haven’t you? This interview has gone completely off the rails; you can already hear your boss yelling at the mess you’ve made. All Might reaches for your tea.

“Here, take a drink,” his voice is easy, placating. “Just breathe, dear.”

You wonder if he knows; if he knows who you are, that you were there that night, and that it’s all you can think about in this moment. The tea is sweet and the heat at your fingers steadies you, moves you away from the taste of blood. One more deep breath.

“I… what I want to know is… what do you want to say?”

He blinks at you with a puzzled expression. You bite at the inside of your bottom lip, not entirely sure yourself what you’re asking. He hums, fiddling with his bangs, clearly thinking, but you can’t read his expression at all.

“You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?”

It’s your turn to blink. His smile is cheerful again, with a hint of playfulness.

“Sorry?”

“Thirty-five years,” he leans his elbows on to his keens, hands folded together, dangling between his legs. “Thirty-five years I’ve been a professional hero, and not once in all that time has anyone simply asked me what I wanted to say.” His eyes have you pinned on the couch like an ungainly butterfly and you cross and uncross your ankles.

“Sorry - I’m not very good at this, am I?”

All Might throws back his head and laughs. He laughs and laughs, deep from his stomach, hair brushing against the back of the couch, and you can’t help but feed off his joy, your own laughter small and soft in comparison, but there all the same. It cuts off abruptly when he coughs suddenly, one hand against his mouth, the other clutching at his left side.

“Are you okay?!” Now you’re the one reaching out, not quite brave enough to touch him, but he waves you off.

“It’s fine, I’m fine, this happens all the time,” there’s a smear of red at the corner of his lips. But his smile hasn’t wavered, so you decide to trust his judgement and let it go. Your expression must still betray your concern, because he offers an explanation.

“It’s the result of an old wound,” your eyes flick to where his left hand is bunched in his shirt. “Really, I’m used to it.” His grip loosens and falls away.

“I’ve already cried for you today; don’t think a few platitudes are going to keep me from worrying about you too.” The quip leaves your lips before you can even think about stopping it and you want to slap your hand over your mouth and take it back even as your face flushes red.

All Might laughs yet again, this time more of a asthmatic chuckle that makes your heart skip, ready to reach out if he starts coughing again.

“Thank you, my dear. Truly.” His eyes are shining in amusement. “But in regards to your question - may I think about it?”

You pause a moment, trying to remember what the question that started all this was.

“Oh - about what you’d like to say, you mean?”

He nods. “I’d like to mull it over for a little while, if that’s alright with you?”

“Of course,” you reach into one pocket, then the other before finding what you need. Your business card is simple - name, number, e-mail, web address. He takes it between his long fingers.

“Please, take as long as you need,” you offer a small bow from your seat on the couch.

“Thank you,” All Might stands and offers you a hand up. “I look forward to speaking with you again.”

You take his hand and he walks with you to the elevator. It still hasn’t started to rain outside - perhaps you can make the bus stop before the bottom drops out.

“Ah, you can just call or e-mail me if you like - we don’t have to meet in person.”

There’s a flicker of something on his face before he manages to school it into something more neutral.

“You don’t want to talk to me again?”

“No! I mean yes! I’d love to talk to you again! I just thought that you’re so busy and you might not want to waste time in person and I’m really not very good at interviewing so maybe you’d prefer something else,” you’re babbling, you know you’re babbling, but you can’t seem to stop yourself. You realize abruptly that the micro-expression you’d seen on his face was one of hurt. He places a hand on your shoulder, turning to you fully as you cease speaking.

“I would love to talk to you again,” his voice is deep and kind. “You did wonderfully; this has been one of my favorite interviews.” His smile stretches all the way across his face.

“I - thank you,” you drop your head in a hasty nod, sure that you’re blushing again. His hand drops your your shoulder and presses the elevator button.

“By the way,” All Might sounds hesitant for the first time all afternoon. You turn to him, puzzled.

“Do you like movies?”

You smile, thinking of his poster collection. “Well, not as much as you seem to. I don’t really go to the theater all that often.” The elevator dings and you turn to enter before facing him one more time.

“Thank you again. For everything.”

You hope he understands what you mean by everything. His hands are in his pockets and his body language is relaxed.

‘You’re welcome.”

You think he does.

[sagittariusboyfriend]

im gonna do a "how i see the signs" as well!!

traditionally masculine aries: a force of creativity. oftentimes politically correct. very friendly and easy to talk to, but will shift in temper and energy depending on whether or not he is in focus. musically inclined.

traditionally feminine aries: also a force of creativity. a kind of jittery energy that cant really be contained. might go up and down in volume a lot depending on social context but is always bursting to have a conversation. very awake and with fire in her eyes. openminded and wouldnt hurt a fly. artistically inclined.

trad. masc taurus: ugh horrible. forcefully straight forward, blunt in an unsensitive way, not that good at picking up on social cues because he is convinced of his reality. might be pompous and pretentious, even bitter. the flip side of venusian traits - pretty uncharming. snarky. way better at group/professional relationships than personal relationships. assertive in the workplace and is doing his job better than anyone else could.

trad. fem taurus: intelligent and an intellectual. sensual, assertive, has such a presence that people are in awe most of the time. might be pretentious but its actually genuine and doesnt come off as a negative trait. powerful.

trad. masc gemini: ahh gemini. witty, quick, reactive. genuine, but in short bursts. his intuition is based upon HOW he feels at any given moment, however he has no clue WHAT he feels. scared of emotions. might have a tendency to gaslight. obviously prone to communication and loves learning from history, but has a hard time seeing the bigger picture over the details. small things make or break him... for a week or so. then its forgotten, until something stirs it up 6 months later, and his emotions are all over the place; its like they get tossed up in the air and love might stick to the ceiling and pride to the wall and fear to that person over there and he has no idea where to start to assemble. charmingly childish, prone to grumpyness. social artisan regardless of controversial values or not. needs constant intellectual stimuli.

trad. fem gemini: does not need romantic relationships to feel like a complete person! prefers friendships over love relationships, and can usually pick and choose between lovers if on a romantic whim. not always even interested in shacking up with anyone, makes a happy independent single household. that "fun" friend. self-confident, quick, witty, might have a sharp tongue. absolutely excels in social situations and knows everyone in one way or another, and everyone knows of her in one way or another. prone to ghosting people for weeks because she simply forgets to respond. loses focus easily. probably works in sales. might come across as not so complex to other people.

trad. masc cancer: sweet, charming in a wholesome way. in tune with himself. intuitive and embraces and encourages talking about feelings. oftentimes very politically correct. might live somewhat of a fake life in the sense that he IS a family man, but cant help himself from wanting dirty, promiscuous sex for many hours with many random people. giving and generous - in every sense. probably does a lot of philantrophy or volonteers.

trad. fem cancer: reserved. exudes feminine energy, almost to a point that she is not comfortable with herself. very very sweet, just wants everyone to be okay. will disappear and reappear in social circles and no one will know where she has been, but theres an air of mystery to it and no one dares to ask. might be some kind of red preistess lol.

trad. masc leo: loyal, as long as he doesnt feel in the slightest that he has been made a fool of. very strong integrity, but an integrity that is based on image. easily approached, the nicest person in the room and will include and respect everyone. generous and genuinely loves anyone who does not come off as harmful, and will give you his last money if he feels you need it more. works hard to feel safe. creative in what he thinks is a funky way, but its actually pretty mainstream.

trad. fem leo: also honest, hard-working and loyal. integrity is also important. creative in traditionally artistic ways, like photography or drawing. has a natural authority but is the sweetest person and will NOT abuse it. very passionate about peoples equal value, doesnt really have a flare for drama at all, just wants to be stimulated. when she loves she loves with every fiber of her being and being affirmed by her partner is imperative to self-worth.

trad. masc virgo: retains information like a motherfucker! man, what a chattery bloke. an earth sign ruled by mercury makes the most, i think, well-rounded PR personality. gemini can frick off when it comes to arguments because trad. masc virgo WILL shut you down. he serves facts and will probably be a tad manipulative about it, but will also admit to it. doesnt really wait to run you over or quip back, and then just stares at you blankly as if he is waiting for a response. witty and warm like a sun to his closest, will make jabs and is cold like granite to people he doesnt like. might however have some ego issues.

trad. fem virgo: pretty much exactly like trad. masc virgo, only retains a certain jovial energy and a strong sense of nurturing and dicipline. very funny! authoritarian.

trad. masc libra: might come across as very calm and even meek at times. everyone likes him, no one dislikes him, but he isnt a big personality. nice and sweet and always positive. comfortable in the background as the glue that keeps groups together. not very verbally communicative, but ingenious when he channels his communication through music or art. wants to be appreciated and very much is. pretty private, but everyones friend.

trad. fem libra: full of the good venusian traits. loves love, loves good food, loves yoga, loves pampering herself and others. the best hostess you have ever met. has a hard time deciding on things and will make herself suffer through qualms and trials for days for something that, for anyone else, could have been decided within a couple of minutes. somewhat of a perfectionist. spiritual. gets along with everyone. very into female impowerment.

trad. masc scorpio: kind of rude, but smart. he doesnt know where it comes from, but his subconscious intuition oftentimes leads him to hidden truths, whether they are pleasant or not. might be the jealous type. can just trust his gut and will know exactly what is going on behind closed doors. intelligent in a very abstract way. might come across as always ready to strike just in case someone thinks they are better than him in any way.

trad. fem scorpio: does not show emotion easily. is very intelligent and knows how to lead a conversation where she wants it. inquisitive, literally opens her entire mind for you when you sit down one-on-one. not for anyone to enter, but for her to use ON you, and will analyze your behaviors to the core and dig around in there. make you see things from perspectives youve never even thought about. this could be used for bad, but usually its used for your own good because insight and truth, darkness into light is what she is after. intense. low key passionate. a great person to brainstorm with. excudes sultryness, but almost like a perfume, an illusion, mostly because people become so mesmerized with her psychological skill that they immediately figure she is coming on to them. powerful socially. doesnt want nor need drama, the quest for truth just gets ruthless sometimes. loyal if you dont mess with her integrity. unlike leo, her integrity is based on conscious and subconscious intuition. not into practical things in general. does not care for high morals.

trad. masc sagittarius: good at everything on the first try but gets bored easily, even depressed when forced into routine. diplomacy is important, so is personal freedom. a charismatic positive personality that shines bright and has an almost gravitational pull because of it. wants to be valued for his brain and generosity of free, non-traditional love and insight. learning is everything. the bigger picture is everything; abstract concepts that you can translate and cross-reference to different doctrines and schools and philosophies. on an eternal quest for knowledge in all situations, be it emotional or practical. "why do things work like this?" he asks and is genuinely excited to hear your and everyone elses reasoning. his goal in life is to get to know himself through others and to find firey partners to come along for the ride and share the fun. loathes drama, wants everyone to be accepting. optimistic. might be the guy many fall in love with but who is completely oblivious to it because he has his mind set on other things.

trad. fem sagittarius: very much like trad. masc sagittarius. also fierce, takes no shit, the life of the party, everyones instant friend and a BIG personality. equality is very important!

trad. masc capricorn: attractive, cold, sexual. on the grind, because everything works against him either way so he might as well work hard and overcome. dry humor and a smug smile, vicious eyes. but tender and fragile once you get to know him. so used to being the underdog in his own head that he hasnt realized everyone sees him as the leader. doesnt realize people follow him. doesnt care. is just and stern. is not afraid of delivering harsh truths, can shut you down with a look.

trad. fem capricorn: leads with silence. not because of shyness at all, its just a demeanor that comes naturally. although may have been shy when young, simply because of society. exudes power, unknowingly or knowlingly. intimidating and stylish as fuck. eloquent. uniformity is a keyword for everything. has learnt the hard way. hilarious dark humor. prefers respect to spectacle. is a force to be reckoned with and gains pretty much everyones respect.

trad. masc aquarius: might have a hard time deciding about personal freedom, what is and what isnt. contemplative, insightful, the least traditional of traditional men. high EQ, might prefer polyamorous relationships, almost lacks jealousy. tall and slender. very much capable of seeing through all points of view and will speak rationally. rarely gets heated in discussion because he just doesnt see the point in being reactive.

trad. fem aquarius: a higher being. high octave intuition; the person with the highest EQ youve ever met in your life. new insights with every breath. does NOT care for tradition, usually only indulges in the bare minimum of tradition to move about unnoticed in society as the penultimate alien being they are. she has an entirely different kind of mind that seems so complex and effortless at the same time, and her knowledge and ingenuity could change the world - if it was only ready for it. finds solutions to everything. altruistic. optimistic. so wise and so rebelliously young at the same time. manages to care for everyone and everything all the time. truly wondrous.

trad. masc pisces: an academic. a sensitive guy. highly philosophical, in its scholastic form. makes a good teacher of abstract concepts. always searching within himself first before speaking. interested in history and the human mind. constantly battles with feelings of not being good enough but always comes out as more and better than expected. probably very introvert.

trad. fem pisces: witchy. dreamy. some kind of seer. needs quite some time to process emotional impacts. has a tendency to mimick peoples traits and quirks without knowing it. very emotional, highly sensitive. very impressionable. open to and thirsty for new ways to make sense of all these emotional impacts, but might change ideologies and/or trim her sails to the current wind. conflicting subconscious emotional forces at play all the time which leads to a lot of self-doubt. not necessarily introvert, but introspective.

[metalchick19-blog]

The Bowers Gang: How the Guys Would Behave Towards a Girl From a Foreign Country (Anonymous Request)

Warning: Offensive/Explicit Language, Instances of Discrimination

* In a scenario where the girl is new at school, and the gang develops an interest in her.

* Any and all credit for this idea goes to the requestor. 

Belch

Absolutely loves the girl’s foreign accent, regardless of where she’s from

Isn’t familiar with other cultures at all though (and believes every stereotype he’s ever heard), so makes a lot of innocent, but extremely ignorant comments at first

Example: Assuming a girl from India is forced to wear a sari, and telling her he “thinks it’s rough” that she has to put it on even when it’s super hot outside

Truly doesn’t come from a bad place though - just genuinely uninformed about other countries and their lifestyles

So interested in trying some food from the girl’s home country 

Seriously. Please invite him to dinner, or there will be emotional turmoil

Has many deep conversations with the girl about her culture (spurred by his aforementioned cluelessness about other cultures)

Really has his eyes opened by their relationship - helps him ditch a lot of the assumptions/misconceptions he had about different nationalities, and become more well-rounded 

Ends up becoming extremely appreciative/fiercely protective of his new friend, and will set people straight if they judge her unfairly/say something disparaging about where she comes from 

Also known as, the cutest friendship you ever did see

Henry

Basically rejects the girl right away 

Isn’t willing to get to know her himself, and expects the rest of the guys to follow suit (though none of them will)

Not for any personal reasons - just because he was raised by Butch Bowers (the original old, racist, white dude)

Operates from a position of complete rage-filled ignorance (i.e. afraid of what he doesn’t know), and taunts the girl mercilessly from day one

Lots of racist comments hurled from across the hall (mostly variations of “go back to where you came from” or “we don’t need your kind here”)

Constantly knocks the girl’s books out of her hands, takes things from her lunch tray, and slams her locker shut on her

Does extremely loud, obnoxious impressions of the girl’s accent/first language when he sees her passing by 

Basically makes it as hard for the girl to assimilate as humanly possible - general assholery all around

Again, though - not for any personal reasons (Henry himself wouldn’t even get why he was so angered by her), just because he’s been raised in a household of hate

... but, yeah, still a major dick

Thankfully, forgets about the girl after the first few weeks of school, and moves on to another target

Patrick

Sees this girl as the freshest meat he’s ever seen

She’s literally kind of from another world, and he’s so ready for it (although anywhere outside of Derry is another world to the people in Derry)

Wants to be the first one to experience the girl’s uniqueness, and would insert himself in her life right away (heaven help her)

Would absolutely approach her on the first day of school to “call dibs” in front of everyone else

Not so much interested in learning about the girl’s culture as he is in learning about her individual personality - so psyched to see the differences between her, and the people he usually messes with

In other words, national psychology is his shit 

High-intensity flirting/stalking 24/7 (and yet, when is it not?)

Will make fun of the girl’s accent forever though, regardless of how close they become

Will also make every offensive joke about the girl’s nationality that exists - no fucks to be given 

Will also confirm that stereotypes about the girl’s home country are true, even if she told him firsthand that they weren’t (“Swear, guy, she told me herself - all of ‘em just chow down on fresh dog like it’s fuckin’ taco Tuesday! Batshit, I know.”)

Victor

Has such a crush from the get-go and wants to know everrryyything about this girl, oh my gosh

Has the biggest intellectual hard-on in the world, and thinks of a thousand questions to ask the girl about her culture from day one 

Truly just so happy to have access to someone that isn’t from the hellhole known as Derry, Maine 

Interest level (both intellectual and romantic) = 1,000,000

Genuinely embarrassed by Henry’s racist remarks, and tends to walk off somewhere when he feels Henry’s about to start up

Always tries to tone Henry down during the instances when he is there for the racism

Cultivates a relationship with the girl outside of the group, so he can be himself

Really connects with her on a cognitive level, and slowly becomes one of her best friends

Seriously; the relationship is so refreshing to him - appreciates the girl’s original perspectives, and learns to value their bond just as much as his bond with the guys (if not more)

Lots of deep talks, study sessions, partnering together for assignments 

Wants to see all the foreign movies, read all the foreign books, and listen to all the foreign music

Please share your culture with him - he’s desperate

[dracusfyre]

Here is my Masterpost for the 2019 Round of the @tonystarkbingo! Thank you to all the mods for a great experience, and I am very excited for the next round!!

Title: Tesserae Square: S1: Never Meant to Hurt You Warning: None Pairing: Tony Stark/Bucky Barnes Summary: For the ImagineTonyandBucky prompt (I've waited two months for this I'm so excited) Post CW—Imagine a pining Bucky picking up on how Tony seems genuinely relaxed and comfortable (dare he say happy?) around Bucky, and being really, really excited about it... then noticing how Tony minutely flinches, shies away from, and is generally afraid of Steve. Which Steve notices of course, and feels terrible about it. Imagine Bucky trying to help fix things between them like they've both helped fix him. Sometimes when things are broken all you can do is find a new way to be...though that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19268848/chapters/45825247

Title:  The Pull of the Past Square: T1: Misunderstandings Warning: No Archive Warnings, TW for Panic Attacks Pairing: Tony Stark & Dr Stephen Strange Summary:   Stephen has Tony come over to fix a sink and things go very sideways. Link:  https://archiveofourown.org/works/17770640

Title: Take My Hand (Don’t Fear the Reaper)  Square: R1: Crossover Warning: Major Character Death, technically. Tony Stark is a Ghost. Pairing: Tony Stark/Bucky Barnes Summary:  After Afghanistan tony became a part-time grim reaper assigned to the winter soldier, since Bucky has a messed up head he can see tony. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18475756/chapters/43776208

Title: Tinker Techie Soldier Spy Square: S2: AU Cop/Detective/FBI Warning: None Pairing: Tony Stark/Bucky Barnes Summary: Tony is sure (pretty sure) that the new guy James is a spy for a rival police captain, and he’s not going to let little things like a dimpled chin or a world-class ass or a great personality stand in the way of his investigation.Well, he’ll try not to. His best friends certainly aren’t helping; Rhodey has washed his hands of the whole thing and Natasha is on the sidelines watching with popcorn. But he’s determined to figure out this spy thing and then he’ll be able to prove that James is up to something more nefarious than just being criminally good looking. Link:  https://archiveofourown.org/works/20153308/chapters/47744983

Title: Apotheosis Square: T1: Picture (Tony Stark with a Gauntlet) Warning: None Pairing: Tony Stark & Loki & Bucky Barnes Summary: Tony could sense the self-satisfied murmur of computer from across the room and the inquisitive trilling of the cameras in front of him. Which, he knew on an intellectual level, should feel strange. It should be weird that he can hear electronics talking to themselves and taste electricity like mint on his tongue, but it didn’t feel weird. At this point he was just rolling with it and saving the freakout for later; he also wasn’t discounting the possibility that he was, in fact, losing his mind. Tony Stark comes out of Afghanistan with powers he doesn't understand and the determination to make the most of the second chance he'd been given. Even though he saves the world (a lot), the most important thing he does may be when he gives others that same second chance. Link:  https://archiveofourown.org/works/18684448/chapters/44310397

Title: To Think I Saw It  MOD FILL by @tisfan Square: A2: Unreliable Narrator  Warning:  None  Pairing: Morgan Stark & Tony Stark Summary:  Morgan needs to build a robot to dig for treasure while she keeps a look-out for bears. And who is the best person to help her with that task? Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19876126

Title: Fancy Meeting You Here Square: S3 Holding Hands Warning: None Pairing: Tony Stark/Eddie Brock/Venom Summary:  Eddie sees an unexpected person from his past and decides to give him a hand, which turns into dinner, which turns into an unexpected reunion of a different kind. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17733776/chapters/41839076

Title: Cheesy One Liners Square: A3 Free Space Warning: None Pairing: Tony Stark/Bucky Barnes Summary:  For the ITAB prompt Imagine Tony walking up to Bucky in a bar and saying the most cheesy pick-up line ever in a jokingly flirty way, and Bucky likes it (and him) and flirts back seriously. (no powers au) Link:  https://archiveofourown.org/works/19421329

Title: Tony Stark’s Guide to Being a Functional Adult Square: R3 Deep Throating Warning: No Archive Warnings, TW for Ableist language Pairing: Tony Stark/Bucky Barnes Summary:   For the ImagineTonyandBucky prompt: Imagine Tony getting disowned by Howard before starting his second PhD and start working at Bucky's mechanic shop part time. Getting together shenanigans ensue. Link:  https://archiveofourown.org/works/18230297/chapters/43132445

Title: Close but No Cigar Square: T4 Spy, Secret Agent, Assassin, or Hitman Warning: None Pairing: Tony Stark/Bucky Barnes Summary: For the ITAB prompt maybe you could write something where Tony is kidnapped & the villain tries to force Tony into something or makes a move, but then Bucky arrives just in time & there’s a heartfelt reunion. For some reason, bad guys still think its a clever idea to kidnap Tony and try to make him do things he doesn't want to. The one who planned said kidnapping for Tony's wedding...well. The less said about that the better. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19879267

Title: Fancy Meeting You Here (Ch 2) Square: R4 Date Night Warning: None Pairing: Tony Stark/Eddie Brock/Venom Summary:  Eddie sees an unexpected person from his past and decides to give him a hand, which turns into dinner, which turns into an unexpected reunion of a different kind. Link:  https://archiveofourown.org/works/17733776/chapters/41839076

Title: James Barnes, Entertainment Specialist Square: S5 Wedding Fic Warning: None Pairing: Tony Stark/Bucky Barnes Summary:  Bucky meets a mysterious man while he's working at a wedding and gets a little bit- okay, maybe a lot -swept off his feet, both literally and figuratively. Link:  https://archiveofourown.org/works/19858885

[chibicrow]

This is the other ship request @breakdawn-avenue​ had sent. But uh. It was getting VERY lengthy, beyond the “mini-fic” parameters so I just. decided to make the fic (which might get expanded even more at some point lmao) its own post. 

(it’s nearly 2,000 words fam.......... so......) 

all I gotta say is GET YOUR TISSUE BOXES READY B/C BOI WAS I IN A MOOD WHEN I WROTE MOST OF THIS LMAO...... (it was the “playmaker’s unconscious” part of the episode summaries that set me off ok) 

also I just want y’all to know I wrote the bulk of this well before episode 93 and wrote the final part after 93 and I’m definitely not okay. ;A;

anyway uh. I hope y’all like this in spite of the intense despair LMAO. 

#16 things you said with no space between us (Datastorm)

Ryoken had sworn he would never again set foot in another hospital. His naivete had placed six kids there. Many were sent here during the Another incident. His crimes are too obvious here.

Yet, all who had come with him to face the rogue Ignis - and had fallen - are here. As the ringleader of the group, he felt obligated at least to visit those who had gone along with his risk-filled mission, his desire to wipe out the errant Ignis who had caused so much trouble. Oddly enough, Homura - Soulburner in Link VRAINS - was the only one who had made it out of the battle physically unscathed. The only one to whom he had, in his own way, made a conscious effort to apologize.

He grit his teeth at the realization.

He had already visited Blue Maiden - Zaizen, who was no stranger to hospitals or the Lost Incident. The doctors informed him she was showing signs of progress, already having woken up and taken small bites of food, though she still fatigues easily. This was good for him - it would mean that the older brother wouldn’t throw as hard of a punch if he ever saw him walking around. Or recognized him, for that matter.

And Spectre was … well, Spectre. He had maintained a severe brain injury upon returning to the real world, but his sense of bad joke telling was also as severe as ever. At least, whenever Ryoken visited with the rest of the Knights of Hanoi. If Ryoken is by himself, Spectre toned it down, oddly regretful of having been taken out by “that Ignis,” he would say. If he had been obsessed with destroying the Ignis as before, he would have affirmed Spectre’s regret. But, he just couldn’t bring himself to criticize him. Not for losing to Lightning. Not when he had accomplished Extra Link Full Mode.

He was a comrade … a friend.

But, even with the others having woken up, there was still one who has yet to regain consciousness, even after three weeks. And it, admittedly, was eating at him with each deliberate step. Every step toward his door - that was probably still closed - filled Ryoken with feelings he’d been suppressing all along: sadness, guilt, anger.

Fear.

He had been to the hospital so many times, he didn’t have to ask the nurses where the room was (as it was sectioned way off from the others) or the room number. It was ingrained in his memory:

                                                01386 Fujiki, Yusaku

Ryoken’s icy blue eyes stared at the sign. If he stared at it long enough, the door would be opened. Catching himself, he put a hand to his forehead.

“What am I, eight years old?“ he laughed, leaning his head back.

At that moment, one of the nurses appeared, carrying a clipboard. Her brown eyes stared into his, as if he had intruded upon her work.

“I’m sorry. Are you here to see someone?” she asked, her apology sounding forced.

“Yes. The person in this room,” he replied, pointing to the sign.

She raised her eyebrow. “Fujiki, huh? ‘fraid I can’t let you do that. Doctor’s orders, “ she replied curtly.

Ryoken sighed. The expected response, the one he’d gotten every time he’s been at the hospital, and the one he didn’t understand. It’s not like his condition’s contagious, so what’s the deal? Still, he knew better than to argue with the nurse, so he said, “I understand. If you’ll excuse me.”

He had made it past several rooms, past the main corridor, trying to not let the disappointment express itself outwardly. What was he feeling disappointed for, anyway? What was he surprised about? Out of all of them, Playmaker was the most traumatized from this whole ordeal; physically, mentally, emotionally. Even if he wakes up, even if his physical state heals in a timely manner, there were the other two states to consider. It’s very likely that he’ll be locked up one way or another for a while. Months at the very least, a couple of years at most. 

Ryoken sighed, sighed in a way that he never thought he was capable. A high-pitched sigh. 

He was nervous. And regretful. 

To think the past would come back and bite him like this.

And to think he was hurt because of him.... again.

The white-haired man made his way to the floor exit when he heard a loud swish and a low-pitch voice yelling, “He’s - he’s awake!” He turned around at the source of the noise and saw a handful of other doctors and nurses make their way to what looked like the room he was just in front of.

Was he finally….?  

Ryoken calmly walked back, in the midst of all the hurrying medical staff, stopping right in front of Playmaker’s room. The door was opened, but he couldn’t see anything out of the side of his eye, other than a mass of white coats. The white-haired teen could vaguely decipher the mumble of rapid-fire questions the staff was throwing at the patient.

“What happened to you?”

“How are you feeling?”

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

He’s awake... Ryoken realized, a little on the glad side. An involuntary smile escaped as he made his way to the right of the door, waiting for his chance to see for himself. It’s not like he had any other obligations that day.

The doctors paraded out of the door, as suspected, and Ryoken used the chaos to slip inside, momentarily blinded by just how bright the room was, even brighter than the main hospital hall. When his eyes adjusted, he saw Playmaker sitting upright, slightly slouching, drinking probably some water. 

“Playmaker...” Ryoken exhaled, a little too loudly. 

The bedridden teen nearly dropped his cup at the sound and jerked his head towards him.  

“Revolver?!” he gasped. As if he overexerted himself, he grabbed his head in pain. Ryoken gave a noise of disapproval. 

“You should really take it easy,” he said, walking towards him, pulling up a chair. “You’ve been out cold for a month.”

“Wha-What are you doing here?” the other asked, still clutching his head.

He sighed, having expected the question, but had had no response prepared. 

“Your friend Soulburner asked me to check on you. That’s all,” he lied. While it was true he and Soulburner did have a conversation prior to Ryoken stopping by, it was more about the safety of the Ignis. In fact, it’d probably kill Soulburner to find out he was here. 

But Playmaker didn’t need to know that.  

The bed-ridden teen looked at Ryoken for a moment before taking another gulp of water. 

“What about Kusanagi-san? His brother?” he asked. “And Lightning. What happened?”

Ryoken sighed. Another round of questions he expected. These he had answers to, but he wasn’t sure he wanted Playmaker to know what those were. Although the Kusanagis were safe in physical terms, their mental states were up in the air. He had Vyra and Ghost Girl look into their condition, but it could be weeks, maybe months, before they comes up with a solution. 

As for Lightning... Even he wasn’t sure what had happened, although it probably means it won’t be a threat for a while. It was nothing Playmaker needed to worry about.

“You just focus on getting better,” he replied. “When you do that, I’ll tell you.”

Playmaker’s eyes narrowed. “Something happened, didn’t it? You’re hiding something.”

“Playmaker...”

“I just want to know if Kusanagi-san and his brother are okay, and you won’t tell me?”

“It’s for your own good -”

“Some good!” he spat, throwing an arm and catching Ryoken off-guard. He never raised his voice like this with him - at least, not that high-pitched. “I’ve been out since who knows when and I don’t know what’s going on, and keeping me in the dark is supposed to make me feel better?”

Ryoken bit his bottom lip. “I never said it’d make you feel better. I said it was for your own good.”

“For crying out loud,” he said, and Ryoken braced himself for another verbal assault - he did deserve it, after all. But, instead, he felt a shaky hand grip his. Looking up, he saw Playmaker, his body shivering.

“Don’t. Don’t you dare go anywhere,” he said, his voice trembling. 

Ryoken knew intellectually that he had suffered severe emotional damage, but to experience it up-close...

He could feel all the mental and emotional barriers he had built up crumbling. He thought he had been beyond feeling compassion and empathy. He thought he had thrown those feelings away, all for the mission his father left behind for him. He thought he had genuinely changed in those ten years, to atone for what he indirectly his father through after the Lost Incident. 

And maybe he did change.

But was it really worth putting Playmaker - putting Yusaku through this, over and over again? For ten years?

Casting aside his duties as the leader of the Knights of Hanoi, casting aside the mission entrusted to him by his father, Ryoken decided he was going to put himself first, and not cling to the past. He stood up from his chair.

“Where are you goin-”

“Can you get up?” Ryoken interjected. Yusaku raised an eyebrow, but didn’t respond as he slowly moved to the side, carefully placing both feet on the ground. He was a little wobbly standing up, but, for someone who’s been out for a month, he was better than expected. 

“Revolver, what’s the meaning of thi-” he started to say, but Ryoken took the moment to wrap the other in a tight embrace. He felt the other stiffen, probably processing what was happening, but then relax and return the hug. The only sound that could be heard was the light humming coming from the other side of the door and Yusaku’s sniffling, which gradually turned into hiccuping sobs.

Ryoken knew this wouldn’t fix everything he’d done, but just being there for him would be a start.

“I’m so sorry, Yusaku.” 

[starwarsnonsense]

Top 10 Films of 2018 (So Far)

Since I quite like continuing old traditions, I wanted to do a post rounding up what I consider to be the ten best films of 2018 so far. This list includes a few films that came out in 2017 in the US, since they were only released here in the UK this year.

Have you seen any of the films I cover below? Have I piqued your interest in a title you might not have heard before? Let me know, and do share your favourites too!

1. Annihilation, dir. Alex Garland

This was my most anticipated film of the year, and my hype for it was more than rewarded. This is a marvellously rich and transporting science fiction film that isn’t afraid of taking the viewer to some very weird places. However, Annihilation doesn’t simply rely on its strangeness to succeed - it is also firmly rooted in its characters and themes, which has made it incredibly rewarding to return to. Natalie Portman is fantastic as Lena, and Annihilation is a brilliant showcase for her - Lena is a complex and frequently self-destructive character, riddled by guilt and regrets that shape the pulsating, luminescent world of the mysterious ‘Shimmer’ that she has to venture into. The Shimmer might seem like an environmental phenomenon at first, but it’s really more psychological, being a space that adapts according to the people who enter into it. This film overflows with fascinating and thought-provoking ideas, and it was entirely worth the hike I made over to Brooklyn to catch one of the final showings at the theatre (since Annihilation was denied a theatrical release in the UK, I made a point of seeing it while I was on holiday in New York). I think it will go down as one of the great science fiction films, and it belongs in the same conversations as 2001: A Space Odyssey and Solaris.

2. Beast, dir. Michael Pearce

This little British film - shot mostly on location in Jersey by a first-time director - was easily the biggest (and best) surprise I’ve had so far at the cinema this year. I literally had no idea this film existed until a day or so before I watched it, and that made the experience of viewing it even more wonderful. Moll (Jessie Buckley) is an isolated young woman who is stifled by her controlling family and quiet life on a remote island, as well as a secret sin that bubbles away underneath the surface. Her life is predictable - safe, repetitive and dull - until she meets Pascal, a mysterious local man who she finds she has an affinity with. However, there is a murderer haunting the island, taking the lives of young girls in the night. Who’s to blame, and what impact will the killings have on Moll and Pascal’s swiftly escalating romance? While that is a synopsis more than a review, I felt it necessary to explain the premise to try and compel you to seek this one out. Beast is raw, woozy and utterly absorbing - the love story between Moll and Pascal is one of the most passionate and gripping you’ll ever see on screen, and their chemistry is simply sensational. There’s a real gothic, fairy-tale edge to the story which appealed perfectly to my (admittedly rather niche) tastes. This is a real hidden treasure of a film - do yourself a favour and make it your mission to watch it.

3. Lady Bird, dir. Greta Gerwig

This film was so, so relatable, despite my not really having experienced an adolescence anything like “Lady Bird’s”. While the details of her life are very different from mine, I think anyone can relate to the sweeping brushstrokes - the tensions that can arise between parents and children, the thirst for freedom and independence that builds the closer you get to the final days of school, and the feelings of love and loyalty that are always there even when they’re unspoken. Greta Gerwig captures all of this and so much more with marvellous delicacy, balancing little moments that add colour and spark with more serious scenes so deftly that it’s amazing to think that this is her first feature. Lady Bird is a very specific and very beautiful film, and it’s special precisely because it feels universal even as it feels small and personal to its director. 

4. Eighth Grade, dir. Bo Burnham

This is the perfect double bill with Lady Bird, and the people who have dubbed this film “Lady Bird Jr” are right on the money. Elsie Fisher has a real star turn as the heroine Kayla, who is a very special child - she’s kind, sensitive and thoughtful, which basically means she’s my kind of superhero. But even as she is a good and sweet person, she is also going through all of the trials you’d expect a 13 year old to be facing in 2018, as she wrestles with acne, confusing feelings about super-dreamy boys, and the escalating anxiety that comes with a comment-free Instagram post. Like Lady Bird, this film succeeds in being both very specific and highly universal - the only social media I had to deal with as a teen were MySpace and Bebo, and I found that seeing Kayla wrestle with a whole kaleidoscope of feeds, devices and platforms made her strong grip on her integrity as a  funny and deeply warm-hearted individual all the more remarkable. Bo Burnham, as with Gerwig, made a pretty incredible film here - in particular you should watch out for the father/daughter dynamic, which is my favourite part. Eighth Grade is funny and generous, and the perfect medicine if you’re feeling demoralised by the state of the world right now.

5. The Breadwinner, dir. Nora Twomey

The Breadwinner is a really lovely animated film telling the story of Parvana, a young girl living with her family under the Taliban. When her father is taken off to prison, Parvana sees no other choice but to dress as a boy to provide for her mother and siblings. But how long will her disguise last? The story here was what really gripped me - it’s very simple, in both the telling and the themes, but it is truly beautiful in that simplicity. The emotions are very raw, and this film goes to some shockingly dark places at times - while I think it can be watched with children as long as they are mature enough for some challenging themes and upsetting moments, it’s likely to speak most strongly to adult audiences with a fuller appreciation for the context in which the film is set. It’s a great and moving alternative to more mainstream animated efforts, and is well worth your time.

6. Phantom Thread, dir. Paul Thomas Anderson

This was a delightfully twisted film with an absorbingly complicated and twisty relationship at its centre. Vicky Krieps is an absolute marvel as Alma, and it’s wonderful to see how she battles to bring the fragile and austere designer  Reynolds Woodcock (Daniel Day-Lewis) to heel. It’s also a beautiful film with rather fabulous fashions - if you love couture, particularly from the ‘50s, this will be a real treat. I also appreciated the many allusions to classic cinema - there are strong shades of Hitchcock’s Rebecca, as well as the underrated David Lean film The Passionate Friends. Check this out if you like your romantic dramas weird and entirely unpredictable.

7. Revenge, dir. Coralie Fargeat

Revenge is angry, sun-soaked and batshit insane - and it is pretty great for all of those reasons. It follows Jennifer, the teenage mistress of a sleazy married man. After a horrifying assault Jennifer returns, phoenix-like, to wreak her revenge upon her attackers. This movie was very much inspired by exploitation flicks, with their penchant for showing scantily clad (and frequently bloody) women wielding shotguns to hunt down the brutes who did them wrong. However, first-time director Coralie Fargeat takes every one of those tropes and owns them, ramping up the blood and giving the action a propulsive energy that keeps you gripped even as you know exactly where things are going. The soundtrack here is also one to look out for - it’s all pulsating synths that do a great job of building the suspense and tension from the get-go.

8. Lean on Pete, dir. Andrew Haigh

This is a very painful film in many ways, but it’s only painful because it does such a great job of earning your emotional investment. The lead of this film is Charley, a sensitive and quiet teenage boy who becomes attached to an ailing race horse as he seeks to escape his troubled home-life. When he finds himself in crisis, Charley takes the horse and they head off on a journey across the American heartland. Charlie Plummer is extraordinary as the lead here - Charley is the kind of character that makes you want to reach through the screen so you can offer him a hug of reassurance and support. The photography of the American countryside is exquisite, and means this film really deserves to be seen on the big screen - the breadth of the landscape gives all of the emotional drama some (richly deserved, in my view) extra punch.

9. You Were Never Really Here, dir. Lynne Ramsay

This is a very weird film (you’re probably noticing a theme at this point) but it’s completely absorbing. It’s very much actor-led, and the film rests on the shoulders of Joaquin Phoenix’s gripping and unpredictable performance - in some scenes he’s muttering in deference to his mother like a modern-day Norman Bates, while in others he’s portrayed almost as a lost boy in an overgrown body, disorientated by his environment and engaging in acts of extreme violence as if in a sort of trance. The narrative is fuzzy and unfocused, but I didn’t find that mattered much since I was too busy following every evolution of Phoenix’s face.

10. Thoroughbreds, dir. Cory Finley

Olivia Cooke and Anya Taylor-Joy make fantastic foils to one another as two appallingly privileged teenagers whose obscene wealth is only matched by their resounding lack of morals. This is a film that plays with your loyalties, trying to wrong-foot you at every turn - it’s frequently difficult to figure out what’s genuine here, and while that did sometimes leave me feeling a bit emotionally detached that’s usually the point. This film is more of an intellectual puzzle than a lean, mean, emotion-extracting machine (see: Lean on Pete), and it succeeds brilliantly on that level. The simplicity of the story means the fun lies in picking apart lines and expressions, so go in prepared for some close viewing.

[atxplague-blog]

hiiiii, hello hello! so this is rosé with my first son song daehyun, aka plague. as always, i suck at introducing myself so i’m going to jump straight into the intro. as usual, if you would like to plot, come and click the like button! or if you have discord, i’ll be at rosé.#6236, which is a better way of contacting me. i also have twitter and you can ask for the username. trigger warnings for the content below: mental illnesses, parental death, parental neglect, implied murder. also, this is going to be long, so brace yourself and prepare some popcorn.

000. born to a mother that passed during the labor, he was raised by a single father who was never quite there, often found mourning over the death of his wife. seemingly blamed his son for it, although jongin inherited some of his mother’s looks, which caused his father to pay occasional attention towards him, in the most distanced ways possible.

001. he started developing a sense of hallucination, seeing his mother as an imaginary friend, which was scratched off as something typical of a child. this worsened to the point where he fought his peers over being called out for hallucinating his mother. untreated, this apathetic tendency never reached his father until it was too late, in a sense, and that was the beginning of the fracture in his sanity.

002. his ability began to manifest at the age of eight, and the first time was how fresh flowers wilted under his touch. he blamed it on the darkness that surrounded him, thinking that he was haunted. paranoia infected him, and his father disregarded the fact that his son grew even less and less coherent by day, making him pretend he was normal whenever guests came around. being an heir to a multibillion company, he was turned into a puppet on strings for his father’s convenience, left in the backstage whenever the limelight was over.

003. hallucination continued, and abilities blossomed as he grew up. it took him years to comprehend the mechanism of his own powers, experimenting through touch onto the beggars that he seemed to pity. when the beggars died of mysterious diseases, he started to understand, and he thought he was doing them a favor, for there was no use living such pitiful lives. and that was when he realized how his mind had disintegrated, alongside the hallucination and paranoia.

004. when he was fourteen, he began to deviate, forming atypical moralities. he differentiated himself from the rest of his friends, experiencing the pit of his illnesses to the point where he eventually broke. this tipping point was when he became unfeeling, and started pretending. when he was brought to a therapist, it was too late. he never attended the next sessions, hiding behind fake smiles and false truths.

005. eighteen, and he basically transformed into a full-fledged malice. he still battled with himself, trying to salvage what little was left from his humanity, but the violence streaks simply triumphed over the smidgens of his morality. this was when he started terrorizing people without them realizing, spreading diseases unprompted. the idea of becoming “plague” didn’t develop until he was around twenty, however.

006. and a year later, he started donning the plague doctor attire whenever he needed his “release”, walking around the city to spread unnecessary terrors. at this point, his powers have developed so much that he didn’t need direct touch to spread diseases anymore, although certain physiologies still required it. twenty-two, he was still doing his round as “plague” while harnessing his powers, as well as scopes of self-defense that his powers do not cover. he knows, nevertheless, that his powers corrode his mind, and he doesn’t truly let the fact perturb him. eventually accepted the enrollment offer to xavier’s considering that he’s been found out by them, he ensures his father that he’ll return to his responsibilities after his schooling is over. 

007. living up to his alias, kim jongin is a plagued mind through and through. the state of his mental and moral is currently questioned, even by himself, and the truths about his own abilities do not help but faltering his own beliefs in regards to his sanity. this, however, bothers him less and less by day, and it’s indubitable that he’s over halfway to succumbing towards this instability. amoral, apathetic, atrophic.

008. he relishes in schadenfreude, liking the facts that he can make other people suffer, although on the front he would be anything but. charming to the point where some would think he’s genuinely a kind soul, he is twisted with a lot of lies spilled easily from his mouth. a complex personality, he’s often seen as a friend by many, an enemy by some. as “plague”, he was fully disguised in the plague doctor attire, that many do not seem to know his true identity.

009. also a cunning intellectual, he’s made of a lot of tricks to sate his violent mentalities. he is not above simple blackmailing, disguising it as various kindness, although the motives behind it are anything but. he enjoys moments with fellow intellectuals, talking about anything and everything. has an open view of the world, although he’s certainly opinionated, although he doesn’t push his opinions on others.