#it's like at least 3 kinds of mental engagement if everyone plays along

[troiings]

life on tumblah dot com is a lot more fun when you play the askbox game someone posted, reblog it, and then they play it with u in return

multiple types of free enrichment for both parties in their enclosures i mean their blogs

[laughing-with-god]

owo what would taehyung be like, in a hypothetical scenario, if he were a victor in the hunger games ? :0

District Eleven (Agriculture) 

District Eleven is the second poorest district, but by far the most oppressed.  The Capitol hold over the citizens is way worse than any other district, peacekeepers give out public beatings daily and are known for even shooting children, mentally handicapped citizens and the elderly.  

Most people in this district are field workers, not by choice though.  Almost everyone in 11 has to work in the orchards and farms, but if they’re caught stealing any of the crops (which is often bc the citizens are always starved) the peacekeepers will whip them in public as punishment.  

When Taehyung was five years old his mother was caught stealing some food from the fields, she had no choice because she had a child to feed and was willing to risk the consequences if it meant feeding her son.  Sadly, she got caught and was dragged to the town square and beaten.  

She was beaten so brutally that she went blind in one eye, crippled her right leg and began suffering seizures since that day.  All this made her unfit to ever work again.  

So Taehyung’s dad became the sole bread winner of the family.  But he couldn’t handle the pressure and double workload so he turned to alcohol to cope.  Unfortunately, in a drunken rage he paraded the streets and picked fights with peacekeepers for what they did to his wife.  This resulted in him getting a bullet in the head.  Taehyung had to witness them mop up the brain matter off the sidewalks the next morning.  He was only 8 years old.  

Taehyung was reaped when he was 16 years old.  Unlike other tributes, Taehyung was used to having to school his expression and show no emotions in fear of getting executed.  So he walked up to the stage and showed complete indifference.  His district counterpart did the same, if citizens at 11 have anything in common- it’s their quick ability to shut down and shut up.  

No one visited Taehyung after his reaping.  He was an only child, no friends, his dad was dead and his mother was practically bed-bound.  Only during this time did he allow himself to cry, feeling guilty for leaving his mom with no one to take care of her.  

His mentors ended up focusing more on his counterpart.  She was 18, looked more well-fed and stronger than Taehyung so they placed their hopes onto her.  

Taehyung wasn’t really a fan favorite of the Capitol either. Although he was attractive, he was really frail-looking and very emotionless during the chariot ride.  Also, sponsors mostly ignore tributes from 11 because their track record in the games is atrocious.  So any outside help for Taehyung was immediately ruled out. 

Taehyung wanted really badly to give up, but he thought he owed it to his mom to at least try his best to go back home to her.  

During training he simply attempted to figure out survival methods for different arenas.  He thought it was pointless to try to become a natural born killer in three days.  It was also stupid because if he trained with a weapon he would have to go through a whole bloodbath to get his hands on it, so he stuck to survival skills and some hand-to-hand combat.  

No one approached him for alliances, it being a well known fact that tributes from 11 were quick to go and even if they did last long, they almost always preferred to work alone.  

His interview was pretty forgettable.  The interviewer mainly poked fun at him for being skin and bones and even laughed “i would ask what’s your strategy but it looks like a mere gust of wind could take you out!”  

When the games finally began, Taehyung found himself underground in some complex cave system (lmao luna reusing arena ideas, so fresh and fun and original-) 

When the canon went off he ran away from the bloodbath, knowing some tributes already had him pinned as an easy kill and not wanting to give them a chance to corner him.  Later that night he found out that his counterpart had died during the bloodbath, likely from being too ambitious and trying to engage combat with the careers.  

he hid during the first few days, but he managed to stumble across a tribute’s little ‘camp’.  It looked like the careers had managed to kill someone but left all their supplies behind, finding no need for them since they had a monopoly on the Cornucopia.  So Taehyung ransacked the bag and found night vision goggles, a tarp, a handful of crackers, a bottle of water and a sling shot.  

Unlike the rest of the tributes, Taehyung was now able to maneuver around the caves rather well because the night vision goggles helped his visibility.  This meant he was able to find really good hiding spots that others would pass by without knowing.  Life at 11 also prepared him for starvation, meaning he fared better than the others who were getting weaker by the day by malnourishment.  

It wasn’t until it came down to five tributes that Taehyung had to start fighting.  

Two careers managed to find him, they chased him down a tunnel and cornered him.  Little did they know that the Gamemakers prepared mutant blood sucking bats in this particular cave.  They swarmed in and attacked all three tributes, but Taehyung was quick to get out his tarp and cocoon his entire body, successfully shielding himself from the bats.  The careers weren’t so lucky and died.  

3 remained.  A girl from 4 and a boy from 9.  On the 17th day a canon sounded and during the fallen segment Taehyung was able to conclude that 9 must’ve killed 4.  

Taehyung was hoping to outlive 9 simply by hiding but things didn’t pan out that way.  On the 20th day 9 had found him, armed with a spear.  Taehyung attempted to outrun him and used his slingshot to hit a loose rock from above 9.  This rock fell and along with it came down many others, one large enough to pin 9′s lower leg and trapping him.  

Taehyung then used his own spear against him, piercing him in the throat.  

He became victor, and when he first woke up in the capitol his mentors were by right his side, apologizing for not haven taken him seriously.  

The capitol affectionately nicknamed him the ‘underdog’, now finding his borderline mute nature adorable during the victor and mentor interviews.

He now lives in Victor’s row with his mother, very rarely leaving her bedside and spending his days caring over her conditions.  

Now whenever someone is killed in 11, their family can expect an anonymous donation from Taehyung the next day.  He knows firsthand what that is like and wants to use his money for good.  The citizens like him very much because of this although he never really speaks to them.

As a mentor he is really kind to his tributes, although pretty quiet.  He devotes an equal amount of time to both of them, being really strict about not playing favorites.  He also practically breaks his back every game trying to get sponsors for his tributes.  

Whenever the tributes die, he personally sends over a month’s worth of winnings over to the fallen’s family.  

the other Victors like him well enough because of his silent but calming persona.  Particularly District 6′s Yoongi and District 8′s Hoseok.  

[dawnsrose]

BASIC QUESTIONS

first name?  aurora

surname?  capulet

middle names?  josephine antoinette

nicknames?  briar rose / rose ... i guess heh

date of birth?  february 26th

age?  twenty - five

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

height?  5′6ft / 1.70m

weight?  121lbs / 55kg

build?  slim

hair colour?  very light blonde, golden - like

hair style?  straight and lightly curled at the end, with bangs

eye colour?  violet, kind of a purple-ish blue

eye shape?  almond

glasses or contact lenses?  neither

distinguishing facial features?  the color of her eyes, but also her lips are naturally a really pretty pinkish color

which facial feature is most prominent? i don’t think there is one ?  her face is very well balanced, although i guess her eyes are the most attention - catching part

which bodily feature is most prominent?  her waist, it is quite small!

other distinguishing features?  nope

skin?  fair ,  and her skin do be clear af we love to see it

hands?  small and dainty

make up?  she doesn’t really wear makeup, but she thinks its fascinating! her favorite items are mascara and lipstick

scars?  none

birthmarks?  none

tattoos?  none

physical handicaps?  none

type of clothes?  dresses ,  though she would love to incorporate some pants into her wardrobe .  usually wears neutral / earthy tones ,  unless it’s a special occasion ,  in which she’ll wear either pink or blue .  loves a nice skirt .  think cottagecore outfits !

how do they wear their clothes?  again ,  light and cottagecore outfits .  think of outfits like these: 1 2 3 4 5

what are their feet like? (type of shoes, state of shoes, socks, feet, pristine, dirty, worn, etc)  aurora takes really good care of her feet ,  so they’re pristine !  she really hates wearing shoes ,  but wears them when she’s in public so as not to seem weird .  she really enjoys the feeling of her feet touching the grass though ,  as it reminds her of home

race / ethnicity?  caucasian

mannerisms?  classy ,  delicate and polite .  very ballerina like ,  except her gestures aren’t as grandiose .  i would say a good example of her demeanor is audrey hepburn ,  or the movements in old / classic barbie movies like nutcracker or swan lake .

are they in good health?  for the most part !  she has a bit of anxiety when surrounded by many people ,  but it’s getting better .

do they have any disabilities?  none

PERSONALITY

what words or phrases do they overuse?  little expressions of surprise like “ goodness! ”  or  “oh!”

do they have a catchphrase? none

are they more optimistic or pessimistic?  optimistic for sure

are they introverted or extroverted?  ambiverted leaning towards introverted 

do they ever put on airs?  not at all !

what bad habits do they have?  sleeping in heheh she may be an early bird ,  but aurora really enjoys sleeping in and napping

what makes them laugh out loud?  philip being a clown. honestly it’s not hard to make aurora laugh, especially over silly things

how do they display affection?  gentle touches, words of affirmation, poetry, tender gazes

mental handicaps?  none

how do they want to be seen by others?  as someone who cares about them and that can be trusted

how do they see themselves?  as someone who still has a lot to live and learn and give, but who appreciates every little thing around her. she sees herself as a good person who is just trying her best

how are they seen by others?  i think people see her as someone kind and full of life. something like the embodiment of hope. maleficent probably sees her as a nuisance though

strongest character trait?  i’d say it’s a tie between how much she believes in goodness and kindness, and how perserverant she is 

weakest character trait?  she dispairs quite easily, but always ends up collecting herself

how competitive are they?  not very !  it’s about the experience ,  not the result 

do they make snap judgements or take time to consider?  it depends on the situation, i think. but more often than not, aurora is capable of thinking things through before reacting --- except for when it comes to her feelings.

how do they react to praise?  lots of blushing and dismissal ,  though she appreciates it always

how do they react to criticism?  lots of self doubting and crying at first, but she’s thankful and appreciative of it all, because she assumes it means the other cares about her improvement and well being 

what is their greatest fear?  being alone

what are their biggest secrets?  that she doesn’t hate maleficent , and wants to meet and talk to her

what is their philosophy of life?  treat others as you wish to be treated and have faith in love

when was the last time they cried?  when she first saw philip in elias

what haunts them?  fear of never meeting her parents

what are their political views?  she knows nothing about politcs, just wants everyone to be treated with respect and equally

what will they stand up for?  prejudice ,  unnecessary rudeness ,  racism ,  homophobia ,  mysogyny ,  literally anything that puts someone in an uncomfortable spot .

who do they quote?  probably her aunts heh

are they indoorsy or outdoorsy?  outdoorsy !

what is their sinful little habit?  she’s very secretive and sneaky about her thoughts ,  and likes finding little loopholes in things

what sense do they most rely on?  touch and hearing

how do they treat people better than them?  with respect ,  would like to learn from them as well

how do they treat people worse than them?  also with respect , tries to find common ground and understand why they are that way 

what quality do they most value in a friend?  kindness and support

what do they consider an overrated virtue?  detachment 

if they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be?  how dependent of others she feels .  it’s not her fault of course, but she wishes she had more control of her life .

what is their obsession?  the feeling of being loved 

what are their pet peeves?  loud sounds / people arguing over silly things

what are their idiosyncrasies?  she tends to panic and overthink things at times, which can be bad

FRIENDS & FAMILY

is their family big or small? who does it consist of?  i’d say it’s decent sized / kind of big ,  considering she still considers the good fairies family .  plus ,  philip’s also become part of her family ,  and his family is huge .

what is their perception of family?  any and everyone who is there for you when you need them most and cares for you as you care about them

do they have siblings? older or younger?  none .

describe their best friend.  i don’t think she has one ?  give her a best friend :(  philip can’t be both okay that’s too much.

ideal best friend?  just someone she can be a silly romantic with, who’ll watch movies and read books and sing or dance with her, maybe go on walks / play with animals too ! 

describe their other friends.  most of aurora’s friends are really sweet ,  nice people .  she’s also protective of many of them ,  like dani for example .  there’s others she actually looks up to ,  like penelope for example or emily .  she thinks they’re both absurdly glamorous and beautiful .

describe their acquaintances.

do they have any pets?  not really, but aurora loves animals and gets along with them so well so ...  who knows heheh she had lots of animal companions back home though

who are their natural allies?  the charmont family

who are their surprising allies?  not too sure but thackery binx and i think hercules zevrous would be an ally to her as well!

PAST & FUTURE

what was your character like as a baby? as a child?  not too different from how they are now. aurora was a very lively, happy child! she was also absurdly kind and was full of life, while being naturally graceful and poised. i don’t think she was one to cry a lot either, and was most grateful for everything the good fairies did for her.

did they grow up rich or poor?  while she wasn’t poor, aurora had a fairly modest upbringing, since she did live in a cottage in the glen back home, but nothing lacked for her in terms of essentials and etc.

did they grow up nurtured or neglected?  nurtured by the good fairies! aurora grew up knowing nothing but love.

what is the most offensive thing they ever said?  i legit don’t think aurora has ever offended anyone like that? if she doesn’t have anything good to say she’d rather not say anything at all, and nothing has annoyed to the point of doing so. at least not thus far.

what is their greatest achievement?  i think still being alive lmao

what was their first kiss like?  oh i don’t know yet 👀

what is the worst thing they did to someone they loved?  i legit can’t think of anything other than her argument with the fairies about philip, but she came around soon enough.

what are their ambitions?  to be reunited with her family, to have a big wedding with philip, to understand maleficent’s ideals, to become more independent.

what advice would they give their younger self?  to just believe in herself, and that everything will fall into place. 

what smells remind them of their childhood?  fresh flowers and grass.

what was their childhood ambition?  to find love.

what is their best childhood memory?

what is their worst childhood memory?

did they have an imaginary childhood friend?  nope!  she had a fair amount of animal companions, so there was never any need for imaginary ones. 

when was the last time they were crushed with disappointment?  that brief moment when meeting philip in elias where she thought she would have to ignore him for the rest of her life due to being engaged to someone.

what past act are they most ashamed of?  arguing with her aunts over love and being so sad/crying so much about it.  still, she doesn’t think she could have behaved any other way.

what past act are they most proud of?  i think she’s extremely proud of how she’s been living in elias so far,  not relying on others for help and taking good care of herself.

has anyone ever saved their life?  i think in a way, everyone who’s been involved in keeping her away from maleficent has saved her life.

strongest childhood memory?

LOVE

do they believe in love at first sight?  OH HELL YEAH

are they in a relationship?  yes !  happily married :`)

how do they behave in a relationship?  not much different from how she normally does, but she definitely blushes and sighs a lot more every time she thinks of philip.  also loves to talk about him, please ask her about her man.

when did you character last have sex?  ... never 👀

what sort of sex do they have?  none lmao

has your character ever been in love?  OH YEAH

have they ever had their heart broken?  yes, but it wasn’t his fault.

CONFLICT

how do they respond to a threat?  by keeping composure and trying to reason with the person.

are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue?  tongue !

what is your character’s kryptonite?  her loved ones, children and animals.

if your character could only save one thing from their burning house, what would it be?  a letter from her aunts, which they gave her before she came to elias.

how do they perceive strangers?  as something she has to be on the lookout for despite nothing they’re not always dangerous.

what do they love to hate?  cold weather. 

what are their phobias?  being alone in a large crowd/surrounded by unfamiliar people, losing her loved ones, being in a completely unfamiliar situation. 

what is their choice of weapon?  words, but i think aurora would secretly love to learn how to use a sword. Let Her Fight.

what living person do they most despise?  i guess the easy answer would be maleficent, but aurora really holds no hatred towards her. if anything, she sympathizes.

have they ever been bullied or teased? no.

where do they go when they’re angry?  wherever there’s lots of flowers and warmth.  or to philip.

who are their enemies and why?  maleficent, and that’s because of her father’s clownery !

WORK, EDUCATION & HOBBIES

what is their current job? n/a.

what do they think about their current job? n/a.

what are some of their past jobs? n/a.

what are their hobbies?  dancing (she’s been learning ballet in elias! ), singing, gardening / caring for her flowers, reading.

educational background?  homeschooled by the good fairies, i’d say she has a good grasp on history, mathematics and a few languages, plus other things she’s learned on her own.

intelligence level? slightly above average.

do they have any specialist training? no.

do they have a natural talent for something?  singing !  she’s very gifted when it comes to music and dancing, but singing is definitely where her talent lies.

do they play a sport? are they any good? nope, and no, but she could be !

what is their socioeconomic status?  despite still leaving a fairly common life in elias, aurora is a princess, so she is extremely wealthy. her family is in charge of her expenses in elias, yet she doesn’t spend a lot.

FAVORITES

what is their favorite animal?  she loves all fauna, but bunnies and birds hold a special place in her arms.

which animal do they dislike the most?  crows. for some reason they give her a bad vibe, though she likes birds.  snakes and dragons also make her shiver.

what place would they most like to visit?  honesty ... her home lmao.

what is the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen?  sunrise !  aurora loves waking up in the morning and watching the sky’s pretty colors.  she also adores sunset.

what is their favorite song?  love dance by sergei perkofiev,  fee des lilas by tchaikovsky, quelqu'un m'a dit by carla bruni, moon river by audrey hepburn.

music, art, reading preferred?  all sorts of music but espeically clasical and old love songs. she loves classic literature, but also mystery and romance novels, and her favorite art movements would be romanticism and renaissance.

what is their favorite color? pink ,  but don’t tell merryweather !

what is their password?  briarrose59

favorite food:  i feel like aurora would absolutely love pasta if she tried it.

what is their favorite work of art?  springtime by pierre-auguste cot

who is their favorite artist? jean-honoré fragonard

what is their favorite day of the week?  wednesday 

POSSESSIONS 

what is in their fridge?  a number of juices, some fruits like watermelon and strawberries, milk, ice cream.

what is on their bedside table?  a lamp,  lavander oil, a difuser , perfume bottle and a novel

what is in their car?  doesn’t have one !

what is in their bin? paper bags, crumbled up paper balls, a couple of candy wrappers 

what is in their purse or wallet?  a credit card, some dollar bills and she always has a coinpurse around, just in case.

what is in their pockets? i think some seeds for birds to eat.

what is their most treasured possession?  a gold necklace with a heart pendant, the letter the good fairies gave her.

SPIRITUALITY

who or what is your character’s guardian angel?  OK LETS GO. i would say the good fairies or thackery are her guardian angels, but if i had to name an actual angel, i think it would be chamuel.

do they believe in the afterlife?  yes, she believes everyone that leaves is going somewhere else.

what are their religious views?  she doesn’t really follow any religion in particular, but believes a lot in karma and in the whole “do no harm but take no s***”, “treat others as you want to be treated” way of life.  she does, however, believe in a higher power.

what do they think heaven is?  a place where there’s no sadness, no pain, no evil. somewhere where there’s nothing but love and joy and people are able to live in eternal bliss.

what do they think hell is?  a place where people who hurt others and lived a selfish life learn from / are punished for their mistakes and hopefully become better. maybe one day they’ll reach heaven.

are they superstitious?  a little ,  but not to the point where it clouds her judgement .

what would they like to be reincarnated as?  a bird or a beautiful flower .

how would they like to die?  peacefully ,  before philip ,  hopefully in her sleep and surrounded by her loved ones 

what is your character’s spirit animal? a swan or dove

what is their zodiac sign?  pisces 

VALUES

what do they think is the worst thing that can be done to a person?  i think lying/keeping someone in the dark all their life as was done to aurora is something she would never want anyone to go through. that and betrayal. 

what is their view of ‘freedom’?  to be able to follow your dreams without fear or worries, to live the life you want.

when did they last lie?  she doesn’t lie !

what’s their view of lying?  incredibly wrong and hurtful. please don’t lie to her.

when did they last make a promise?  not sure.

did they keep or break their last promise?  she always keeps her promises.

DAILY LIFE

what are their eating habits?  she’s very healthy, eats all her greens and fruits and veggies, but will allow herself to indulge in sweets every other week. aurora grew up healthy, but there’s a lot of delicious food in elias and out in the world, and she would like to try it all !

do they have any allergies?  she’s allergic to a few metals, which results in all of her jewelry being real gold. 

describe their home.  i suck at words so here’s a few pictures that i think fit the vibe of her home !  bedroom / bathroom / random wall / kitchen / corner of living room  

are they minimalist or a clutter hoarder?  minimalist !

what do they do first thing on a weekday morning?  shower !

what do they do on a Sunday afternoon?  she usually goes for strolls around town, the library or mama odie’s for a nice snack !

what do they do on a Friday night?  relaxing bubble bath and netflix, no joke

what is the soft drink of choice?  none

what is their alcoholic drink of choice?  she doesn’t usually drink alcohol, but isn’t opposed to a bit of wine

MISCELLANEOUS

what or who would your character dress up as for halloween?  i can definitely see aurora dressing up as titania or a fairy of sorts.

are they comfortable with technology?  it was a bit difficult at first, but now she’s much better at it !  still messes up quite a bit though.

if they could save one person, who would it be?  i think philip, since the fairies probably wouldn’t need her help.

if they could call one person for help, who would it be?  in elias, probably thackery and if not him, philip. however, if she’s panicking, philip will probably come first. 

what is their greatest extravagance?  she has a

what is their greatest regret?  doubting her family’s concern for her even if for just a split second, as well as arguing with the fairies.

what is their perception of redemption?  she thinks everyone deserves a chance at it.

what would they do if they won the lottery?  charity.  everything goes to charity.

what is their favourite fairytale?  steadfast tin soldier.

what fairytale do they hate?  the little match girl, for it just makes her cry a lot.

do they believe in happy endings?  absolutely !

what is their idea of perfect happiness?  to be surrounded by people who love you just as much as you love them.

what would they ask a fortune teller?  if her family and kingdom will be alright , and if maleficent will change for the better.

if your character could travel through time, where would they go?  i think the day of her baptism, just to see what really transpired.

what sport do they excel at?  i feel like she could be very good at tennis, equestrianism and fencing !

what sport do they suck at?  i can’t see her being good at anything that overly relies on strength, as aurora is too graceful and delicate. she legit doesn’t wanna do anything that’s too brutal or something.

if they could have a superpower, what would they choose?  to fly or to properly speak to animals.  maybe shapeshifting / changing her appearance so as to hide with easy could be helpful.

[tea-at-221]

The TJLC Debacle: 3 years out from S4 and counting; the copyright mini-theory; so much salt I’m bloated; but in the end, there is peace (I love you Johnlockers)

Ugh, don't even talk to me about Mary.

Don't even talk to me about the way Mofftiss have said they're sick of responding to fans on the subject of Johnlock. Of how they've said they're "not telling anyone else what to think or write about them" (as if they could stop us; as if they even own Sherlock themselves. Do keep reading, because this point becomes much more relevant and in-jokey later on). Don't even mention how they've bitched and whined incessantly because--god forbid--fans got *really really* into their show and emotionally invested.

They're so eager to discount all the beautiful little moments they wrote as accidents. And Arwel, who planted all those props, continually demonstrates that he's on their side (a not-very in-depth-analysis of his Instagram account and the way he interacted with fans towards the beginning of the pandemic showed as much, but I think maybe he’s grown a bit wiser and quieter since at least in terms of Johnlock and all things elephant-related. I don’t know for sure because I stopped looking.)

Anyway--they'd actually prefer for us to celebrate our own intelligence, is I suppose a charitable way of looking at it: our ability to make connections between things in the show; our metas on symbolism; our insightful fanfic; etc., and denounce them as the bad writers that they ultimately are.

More under the cut.

(This post may be of interest to you especially if you came to the fandom a bit later: multiple links to things of relevance/quotes/explanations appear both within and at the end of this entry.)

Because what makes a writer good?

Well, an ability to make people feel an emotional connection to their work, for one. I know this is just my own perspective, but if not for Johnlock, all my emotion about the show would evaporate. There wouldn't be much else there. Other people might get something, but I wouldn’t. Is some of the writing witty and entertaining regardless of any inferred/implied Johnlock? Yeah but, eh, a lot of shows have some good writing and I just don’t give a damn about them.

What makes a writer good?

Not making promises to the reader/viewer that they'll never keep. Plot holes, leading dialogue ("There’s stuff you wanted to say...but didn’t say it.” “Yeah”) never followed through on, puns that are apparently, I suppose, unintentional (e.g. "'Previous' commander?" "I meant 'ex'").

Uh, not writing continual gay jokes that aren't actually pointing toward the inference that people are making them because there's actually something going on there under the surface. (How about just don't make those jokes ever.)

Not being, apparently, oblivious (? questionable) to the queerbaiting they're engaging in *as they’re writing it.*

Acting like their LGBT audience is in the wrong/the bad guy, instead of choosing to remain respectful in the face of dissent. Instead it's just, "we never wrote it that way" / "We never played it that way."

A lot of those other mildly witty shows don’t actually blatantly drag their most passionate fans face-down through the mud the writers themselves created. Imagine that.

I'm not even a fan of Martin Freeman anymore, for the way he handled the whole thing (getting angry, the comments he made about how the fans made Sherlock “not fun anymore”...apparently Martin’s packing up his crayons and going home?)...no offense to anyone who is still a fan of his. I don’t make it a habit to drag him. I do to some degree understand his frustration with having the whole situation taken out on him--he’s just an actor in the show--but I simply wish he’d remained as cool and professional about it as Benedict Cumberbatch instead of pointing at the fans. You’re pointing in the wrong direction, mate.

What also irks me at the end of the day is this: the subsection of people who legitimately responded badly to the TJLC/S4 debacle and went above and beyond to harass the writers and actors/actresses on social media are *few and far between*, but we've been lumped in with them by what feels like...everyone, Martin included. TJLCers/Johnlockers (not the same group, but often treated as such) have been made to look like a bunch of rambunctious, immature, demanding children time and time and again in the wake of S4.

They'd rather, what, suggest John was so in love with Mary? THAT was the relationship they wanted to uphold in that show as so significant and...what, a demonstration of how honorable it is to respect your heterosexual relationship despite, you know...ANYTHING?

Yeah sorry, I don’t believe in that. John’s text-based affair, whether a disappointment for some as to his supposed character, was a very human reaction and I kinda sorta feel like I would have reacted MUCH more strongly than that had I been John. But nope. He stayed with Mary and was *ashamed* of his wandering eye. Ashamed that maybe he wanted to be admired by someone. I can’t think of a scene, off the top of my head, where Mary ever interacted with John without belittling him in some way--if not with words, then with consistently patronizing glances.

The message here is that heterosexuality is not just acceptable, but VALUABLE, however it manifests--but god forbid anyone see a queer subtext. (Why are lgbt+ writers some of the very WORST offenders where this is concerned? And they defend it! Is this childhood nostalgia/Stockholm Syndrome of the very fondest variety or what? Gay angst is all they got if they got anything at all, so it’s still good enough as far as “representation” goes?)

They really want to tell the story of John as so emotionally/mentally fucked up that he surrounds himself with unstable people time and again. They never give any reason *why* he might do that (which they could have done even soooo subtly), or delve into his past--just, apparently it's okay to assume that Sherlock's comment about "she's like that because you chose her" is exactly that.

No. Sherlock and Mary are NOT the same. Not...*remotely*!

Mary is underhanded and evil. She lies. She manipulates. She schemes. Her “love” is based on selfishness, and her assumption that John is a simpleton and hers to mold. She's in it for herself.

Sherlock hides. He prevaricates. He feels. He loves John. He does fucked up things in the name of love, but always for the benefit of those he loves. When he screws up, which he obviously does, it’s painful to us as the audience because we see that it is painful for him when he recognizes and regrets it.

I have never seen Mary regret anything. Those crocodile tears at Christmas? More manipulation. Inconsistent with anything else we were shown about her as a character.

To even think for a SECOND that people could ship Mary and John and mentally condemn John for cheating on Mary AFTER SHE SHOT HIS BEST FRIEND...as if marriage is the be-all-end-all free pass in which every sin must be forgiven until the end of time...as if John broke any covenant with his wife beyond those she broke from the very moment she walked into his life *with an entire fake past.* Is just. Well. It's asking us to accept gaslighting as healthy, loving, normal, *preferable* behavior, so...given the source that message is coming from, it's all a bit meta.

THAT. Is insanity. Maybe Mofftiss are the sociopaths.

How these men could write characters they themselves understand so little (or tell us they understand so little because their emotional maturity has yet to surpass that of the average three-year-old’s), I will never know. I can only imagine that they have absorbed, by osmosis over their lives, real and nuanced human behavior...then churned it back out again in their writing unaware, a bit like psychopaths who teach themselves what "normal" people do so that they can pass as psychologically sound in regular society.

Remember, we *are* talking about men who do these sorts of things:

Moffat says that Sherlock is celibate and that people who claim he's misogynistic when he does things like make Irene Adler imply she's attracted to the detective (even though she's a lesbian) are, ironically, "deeply offensive" (despite lines like "look at us both" in Battersea. We aren't your therapists, Moffat--we don't care what you meant, we care what you said, and what you *said* was clear. *Implying* it does not let you off the hook).

Gatiss has proclaimed that "I find flirting with the homoeroticism in Sherlock much more interesting" than the idea of ever making a show addressing LGBT issues. (That link is to a reddit forum, and I can't find the original interview anymore, but I assure you I had seen the actual article myself ages back and can't find it online again now along with some of the Martin quotes I wanted to link to. And nevermind what Gatiss has done with LGBT shows/issues since--my focus here is on what he has said, versus what he and Moffat have since claimed regarding their queerbaiting.)

Here’s a transcript of this screenshot:

"...many people come up and say they didn't realise." Despite this lack of public awareness, being part of the gay community is clearly important to Gatiss: "The older I get the more I want to give something back. I mean, I keep meaning to do something." When asked if he'd be interested in making a series about gay issues his response was enlightening:

"No, I don't think I'd make a kind of gay programme. It's much more interesting when it's not about a single issue. And equally, I find flirting with the homoeroticism in Sherlock much more interesting. Of course this reflects the grand picture of everyone's strange make-up; there are good gay people and bad gay people. I wouldn't like to make an issue film around the culture of being gay."

Instead Gatiss' interest seems to lie in making a drama where sexuality is, if not mundane, part of the wider framework: "I'd quite like to do something about a quite happy, ordinary gay person who's just incidentally gay. For example, a three-part thriller for ITV where the lead character just happens to be gay; when they finally go home, say 45 minutes in, and they had a same sex partner. That to me would be genuinely progressive. It wouldn't be a three-part gay thriller for ITV. It would be that this character just happened to be gay."

--End article quote.

And instead, who is canonically gay in the series? Well, Irene Adler. The innkeepers at the Cross Keys. And perhaps most notably, the *villains*, because that's a helpful trope: Moriarty and Eurus are, in S4, both implied to be at least bisexual.

Any character should be able to be any sexuality, this is true. But can we have some main characters, the good guys, give some good representation? Can't we start making that the standard, rather than the villains and the background characters? Because so far, that is the exception and not the rule.

Writers need to be aware of the damage they are perpetuating. We are not quite in a world yet where any character should be able to be any sexuality but isn't, yet we have no problem with saying the villain is LGBT+ or looks different/functions differently than much of the viewing audience.

"Male friendship is important and valid, not everything has to be gay"--this is a popular point with casual heterosexual viewers (and, to my chagrin, some of my LGBT+ friends) who don't fully grasp what "queerbaiting" is, often even when it's pointed out to them.

The lens of heterosexuality is real. My first time through watching BBC Sherlock, I didn't see the Johnlock at all. I had to look for it and read about it. When I saw it, the lens was lifted for me, and it changed my life and the way I view things forever (and for the best).

But back to my point about how little Mofftiss seem to understand their own story/most ardent fans, and then on to my other theory: in S4 it must be that they dropped their “psychopaths emulating empathy” act and indulged in their own "insane wish fulfillment" by doing away with all of the meaning, continuity, and sense. Right?

So, here’s the alternate theory. One which is not, please remember, in their defense.

Remember that S4 is what Mofftiss are *happy* to have us believe is what they'd do with these characters, given the chance to do whatever they wanted. I repeat, in Moffat’s own words: “Insane wish fulfillment.”

Okay I get it, this pasta has been over-salted.

Without further delay: MY COPYRIGHT RESEARCH THEORY THAT EVEN I DON'T PUT MUCH STOCK IN AND WHICH DOESN’T MAKE UP FOR THEIR CRUELTY EVEN IF TRUE

Part of me also raises an eyebrow at S4 as perhaps an example of the effect of the Conan Doyle estate on any modern production in the US. While it’s true that all of Sherlock is part of public domain in the UK and has been for quite a long time, Gatiss and Moffat still talk about it being partially under copyright. Specifically, the last 10 stories. I’m supposing that this means that because Sherlock airs internationally, or due to whatever contract the BBC has with the Doyle estate, they are still limited by the copyright as to what they can “publish”.

The Doyle estate is known for being a pain in the ass when it comes to abiding by copyright law as everyone else knows and practices it. They’ve tried to argue, for example (in 2013 and, much more recently, with the advent of Enola Holmes), that because Holmes and Watson were not fully developed as their final selves until the conclusion of all 10 stories still under copyright, then perhaps the characters themselves should still be protected, basically, in full.

It’s true that certain elements of the remaining stories are still under copyright here in the US (Watson had more than one wife--uh huh, we have that to look forward to, Johnlockers; the Garridebs moment is still under copyright--yeah, I’m getting to that too; and Sherlock didn’t care much for dogs til later so that’s not allowed either, fuck off Redbeard), but the estate’s problem in 2013 seemed to be based around a fear that *gasp* some day--if not right now!--anyone could write a Sherlock Holmes story in any way they pleased, changing the characters however they wished to and giving those characters “multiple personalities.”

See the following excerpt from the Estate’s case:

“...at any given point in their fictional lives, the two men's characters depend on the Ten Stories. It is impossible to split the characters into public domain versions and complete versions.”

(Click for full transcript.)

Obviously, by this point, that’s been done in multiple iterations. So I dunno. Their argument was *more* than muddy to begin with--they just grasp at straws to stay in control, it seems.

But okay. Backing up: wasn’t there sort-of a Garridebs moment in S4?!?? you cry. Yep. But imagine this: the Conan Doyle estate taking Mofftiss to court to argue that they depicted the Garridebs moment--a moment still under copyright--in The Final Problem.

Did they, though? Did they really?

The fandom cried out about the ridiculousness--the utter disappointment--of that moment when it was shown. It was not what we would have expected/wanted. We didn’t see John injured, Sherlock reacting with tender outrage to the good doctor’s attacker.

Instead we saw some ludicrous BS that was as bad as the clown with the sword-gun-umbrella. More of that.

I think Martin probably found that it was easy to produce real tears when he thought about how fucking terrible the S4 scripts were.

Ahem. Yet, this all seems very Mofftiss-flavored in terms of humor.

I can all-too-easily imagine them saying, “HA. We’re going to show some of these supposedly copyrighted things--and if they take us to court, they’ll be laughed out of the room.” Could that explain some of the overall S4 fuckery?

Sherlock wasn’t supposed to like dogs til later stories, as previously mentioned-- is that why Redbeard pulled a “Cinderella’s carriage” and transformed into a pumpkin (Victor Trevor)? Hmm. Sigh.

It...doesn’t actually appear that the estate has any qualms about taking laughable stuff to court, I mean...*shrug.* They have the money to do it, and money is the name of the game, because you’ve got to pay for rights (cha-ching sounds).

Yep, it does seem that the estate is open to the copyrighted materials being made reality, but who knows for what price or with what caveats. The BBC isn’t, so far as I’ve ever heard, known for throwing money around. Early Doctor Who would be so much less entertaining if they’d had any sort of budget. (And in fact, more of the older episodes would exist, but apparently the BBC--in part to cut costs--reused some of their tapes.)

My bottom-line bitter is this: Mofftiss do like to amuse themselves. To please themselves and no one else, as they’ve shown time and again. Sure, they could do whatever they wanted with S4...and they did...but they were also cruel about it, and that’s what I’ll never forgive them--OR the BBC--for.

A lot of fans gave up after series 4. I was very nearly one of them. I was angry, like just about every other Johnlocker and/or TJLCer, but I was really truly heartbroken. I couldn’t look at fanfiction. My days were full of bitterness and I keenly felt the lack of the fandom outlet that had become so essential to my mental well-being. I didn't know how to overcome the disparity between TJLC and what the show actually was. I didn't know how to separate the things I loved so much from the shitty writers and the way the BBC handled things with their whole response letter (that atrocious, childish blanket response they sent to everyone who complained about S4, not just the Johnlockers/TJLCers. Related to your complaint or not, if you filed one post-S4, this was the response you got). I still boycott BBC shows/merchandise, just by the way.

I tried to link to the blanket response letter but the link didn’t want to work (it’s an old reddit post; I had difficulty finding a copy of the letter elsewhere though at one point it wasn’t so hard...Google is weird these days y’all...tell me it’s not just me) so here’s a screenshot:

Transcript:

“Thank you for contacting us about “Sherlock”.

The BBC and Hartswood Films have received feedback from some viewers who were disappointed there was not a romantic resolution to the relationship between Sherlcok and John in the finale of the latest season of “Sherlock”.

We are aware that the majority of this feedback uses the same text posted on websites and circulated on social media.

Through four series and thirteen episodes, Sherlock and John have never shown any romantic or sexual interest in each other. Furthermore, whenever the creators of “Sherlock” have been asked by fans if the relationship might develop in that direction, they have always made it clear that it would not.

Sherlock’s writers, cast and producers have long been firm and vocal supporters of LGBT rights.

The BBC does not accept the allegations leveled at “Sherlock” or its writers, and we wholeheartedly support the creative freedom of the writers to develop the story as they see fit.

We will of course register your disappointment.

Thank you for contacting us.

Kind Regards,

BBC Complaints Team

So how about that? *Did* they “register our disappointment”? We can actually check that. The BBC’s website has a monthly summary of complaints received. So what did they receive in January 2017, the month S4 aired?

Huh, what do you know. Sounds like that blanket response was exactly the “fuck you” it came across as.

But the show--the FANDOM--had filled a need in my life, and so I had to own that and make it mine, or just...let something in me die: something that felt like an actual vital organ. I had to decide that these characters mean something to me beyond what anyone else tells me they should. I had to accept my own perceptions as truth, as I do with everything else in my life. I had to overcome the idea of canon as law (BBC Sherlock isn't canon anyway; ACD is canon. BBC Sherlock is, in the end, badly written fanfiction--or--worse?--decent pre-slash fanfiction distorted by consistent lies and the hazing of the LGBT audience, topped with the dumpster fire of S4′s incoherent nonsense).

I had to take the good and throw away the bad, just like anyone else who chose to stay. The good bits of the show...dialogue, yes. Plot points, yes. These awful writers did write some good stuff sometimes.

They just broke all the unspoken rules of what not to do to your audience. And then did and said everything they could not to apologize, and to justify their own failings. Which, in the years since I began shipping queer ships beyond any others, I have unfortunately experienced more than once.

So, my vulnerability has been yeeted into the vacuum of broke-my-trustdom: no one can tell me what things should mean to me. I will decide.

I decide that all of the FUCKING AMAZING writing in the Sherlock fandom is a staple in my life that makes it worth living. And that that's okay. And takes precedence over anything the writers or anyone else associated with the show could ever say or do.

Johnlock can not be taken away. It doesn't belong to them. It never did, even if they brought us to it. It belongs to us. To the group of amazingly creative, brainy, empathetic, resourceful, vibrant, resilient people who make up this fandom.

So thank YOU, all of YOU, for giving me Sherlock, Johnlock, and TJLC.

I am SO SAD for those who never found a way to make peace with this fandom again. Let me just say that I understand that inability entirely.

I am fortunate that I found the ability in myself to cling to the joy (something it has taken my whole life to be able to do). I hope others will who haven’t yet but wish they could.

Let Mofftiss and whoever sides with them stay angry and bitter and vicious, always looking over their shoulders for anyone who dares to whisper about subtext.

I’m proud to be part of what they’re whispering so angrily about.

Thanks for sticking it out if you made it this far. I know this was very self-indulgent and rambly.

Articles of interest:

A Study in Queerbaiting (Or How Sherlock Got it All Wrong) by Marty Greyson

“We never played it like that.” - Martin on Johnlock

Henry Cavill on the Enola Holmes lawsuit

More on that--and by the way Sherlock isn’t allowed to like dogs

The way Sherlock creators told fans Sherlock & John aren’t gay is so rude

Especially for those new to the fandom who may not know the distinction between TJLC and Johnlockers and want to know more about TJLC's evolution/what it is/meta through the years

Moffat's view on asexuality, offensive to me in particular *as* an asexual person (same article where he claims he isn't misogynistic): "If he was asexual, there would be no tension in that, no fun in that – it's someone who abstains who's interesting."

Yet he says Sherlock isn't gay or straight and that he's trying to keep his brain pure which is a "very Victorian attitude"

(Nice historical research there, Moff--actually the Victorians were sex-positive).

Sherlock fans were robbed of the gay ending they deserved

Benedict Cumberbatch has lashed out at his Sherlock co-star Martin Freeman over his negative attitude towards fans

BBC complaints January 2017

Martin Freeman: 'Sherlock is gayest story ever'

From 2016: UNPOPULAR OPINION: "Sherlock" Isn't Sexist or Queerbaiting; It's Actually Trying to Stage a Revolution

Queer-baiting on the BBC's Sherlock: Addressing the Invalidation of Queer Identities through Online Fan Fiction Communities by Cassidy Sheehan

[2manyfandoms2count]

You can count on me (I will be there for you)

The chapters keep getting longer, you’d think I have control over them but obviously not, oops

New this week: More people join the scheming and the “we know who Chat Noir is” gangs (none of which are Marinette), Mayor Bourgeois cries, there’s background Lukloé, there’s the Nino-taking-care-of-Alya scene (if you can call it that) I talked about in the tags of this post, and we’re finally officially ready to roll into the Agreste Mansion.

Enjoy! xx

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | AO3

---

Chapter 6

As Marinette steps back inside, she feels like she’s breathing a million times better than she has for the past month. She feels lighter, too. The upbeat music playing from the loudspeaker feels like a theme song, encouraging her to go forward. They have a plan, and it’s pretty foolproof at this stage; get all the necessary protagonists to the room acting as a backstage area for the band, and have a chat. No overthinking needed.

She spots Max in the crowd, in the middle of a discussion with Kim and Markov. The sentient robot is just as key to the plan as his creator, as she doubts that Gabriel Agreste would leave any numerical information lying around in the open, unprotected. Especially information that could tie him to a master criminal. She also has a feeling that they might have to deal with security cameras, which Markov and Max will probably know how to hack into.

A little to their right, Kagami and Nino are politely listening to André Bourgeois, whose glistening eyes scream his awe of the ceremony. Marinette can almost hear him gush about how he can’t wait for Chloé’s own big day to arrive.

“Looks like our friends are warming up for their duties.” Alya walks in behind her and they both observe the poorly disguised agony on Nino’s face, as well as the tension in Kagami’s shoulders. “You go and save them, I’ll get Max.” Alya pushes her lightly in their direction, and starts for the left.

Marinette stumbles forward, but turns back briefly as a thought crosses her mind. “By the way, did Adrien tell you what he was up to now? He didn’t come back earlier, which turned out for the best, and, well, it’s not that I want to avoid him, but…”

“...you don’t want to justify why everyone’s gathered without him if he walks in on us?” Alya smirks.

“Yeah.” The bride winces. She hates the thought, but she kind of hopes that Adrien will stay out of the way until they have to leave.

“Trust me, girl, he’s not going to show up.” Alya pats her shoulder in a highly suspicious manner. She’s beaming like she knows something that she doesn’t, and it doesn’t bode well. “Relax, he’s fine! Well, as fine as someone who’s been harpooned by a reporter and a photographer for a special interview might be, but it’s not like he’s been kidnapped or anything.” Alya makes a mental note to check if Mirages can be caught on camera when Ladybug is away, and if so, to maybe snap a few pictures of fake-Adrien for an article to support her lie. Just on the off-chance Marinette decides to follow up on it. There will no doubt be plenty of articles on the wedding itself, but since Adrien is busy running around in leather spandex, there probably won’t be that many one-on-one interviews with him in the press.

“Ouch.” Marinette winces. The thought that the man really deserves a medal for everything he went through, and everything he’s bound to go through before the end of the day crosses her mind. She’ll have to think of an appropriate gift to thank him.

“Don’t worry, he said he was used to it when they dragged him off.” Alya shrugs. “Anyway, let’s go, we can’t leave Chat Noir waiting out back for too long, he’ll get antsy.”

Marinette nods and makes her way towards the now crying mayor.

“Hi, Mister Bourgeois, thank you so much for coming today.” She pats him gently on the shoulder, and gestures for a nearby waitress to come around so she can grab a napkin off her tray. She mouths 'thank you' to her, before handing it to the mayor.

“It was such a wonderful wedding, congratulations to you two lovebirds.” He wipes his tears. “I’ve taken notes for Chloé’s wedding, I’m sure she’d love something like this, if she settles down. She works so much.” More tears spill over, and Marinette winces.

Chloé has taken after her mother and become something of a fashion mogul, although her relationship with Luka (which isn’t really a fling anymore at this point, since she’s been drawn back to him like a wave to the shore for the past five years) seems to keep her fairly grounded. She seems very relaxed when she’s with him, as happy as Marinette’s ever seen her , and she sometimes wonders if something very lavish like this would actually still suit her friend. Her money would be on something a little more bohemian (even though she doesn’t doubt that a lot of money would be spent for the wedding to look simple and ethereal).

“I wouldn’t worry about her, your daughter will get there when the time is right.” She pats his arm sympathetically, Kagami and Nino nodding along. Her gaze wanders around, searching for the blonde, and she spots her hanging just shy of the dancefloor, seemingly engaged in an intense staring contest with Luka while he plays on the stage. Marinette conceals a smile at the very obvious tension between the two. Something tells her she wouldn’t find Luka with his bandmates during Kitty Section’s break.

Maybe Chloé’s very obvious gawking is the first step towards making her relationship public.

“Anyway, I need to borrow these two for a bit, thanks again for everything!” Marinette shakes Mr Bourgeois’ hand before pushing her friends towards the back room. It doesn’t take much for them to start power walking towards the exit.

“Thank you so much for getting us out of this, dude, I thought I was going to pass out! It’s been over half an hour since he’s started talking to us. We just asked him to pass on some plates for the cake!” Nino whispers.

“I love Chloé but I was ready to tell him about Luka if it meant he would stop listing all the ways she’s so great and wondering why she’s still single.” Kagami lets out an exasperated sigh.

“Don’t thank me just yet.” Marinette grimaces. They might have escaped Bourgeois small talk, but they’re in for a far worse prospect; Agreste small talk. She doesn’t know which option she'd prefer: having to listen to someone blabber on, or having to make a distinct effort to keep the conversation going.

They enter the backstage room, which is full of lighting apparatus, music equipment boxes, and all sorts of cables. A small table is set up on the side with water bottles and a bowl of chouquettes, which, of course, has reeled in a black-clad target.

“Nino, Kagami, you remember Chat Noir.” She shakes her head with an amused smile at the sight of her partner, hunched over the bowl, stuffing his face. He looks up suddenly, like a deer caught in headlights, and gobbles down his mouthful.

“Hi!” He smiles a little guiltily, brushing stray sugar from his collar. “Cool to see you guys again.”

“Hey dude!” Nino’s smile widens as they fist-bump. Kagami nods at him as Alya, Max and Markov join and greet them.

They stand silently in a circle, the three newest conspirators looking at each other, then at the others, with a raised eyebrow.

“Guess why we’re all here.” Alya grins, barely containing her excitement, rocking on the ball of her feet.

Max clears his throat and pushes his glasses back up on his nose. “Seeing that Chat Noir is here, and that as far as we know, aside from Marinette, we all have a history of being picked as Miraculous wielders, I’d say there’s a 96.85% chance that we are gathered here for Miraculous reasons. And that being said, I want to say that there’s a 98.26% chance that Ladybug is nearby.”

“Nice deductive skills.” Marinette nods and Chat Noir lets out a low whistle. You’re correct on both fronts.” She stands a little taller, and looks at them all in turn as she speaks. “I’m Ladybug, and I need your help today.”

Nino and Kagami all but gape at the reveal.

Max’s smile is as smug as it gets for him. “I can’t say I’m surprised. Markov and I had calculated that there was a 99.45% chance that you were Ladybug, given that you’ve never been akumatised, that you always seemed to disappear during attacks, and that Ladybug always seemed to arrive very quickly when the akumatisation took place at school.”

“Affirmative. I would have checked with my facial recognition software but Max asked me not to.” Markov chimes in.

“That’s really impressive.” Marinette crosses her arms over her chest, thanking whoever was out there for not granting Hawkmoth a tech-savvy genius friend and robot, and half wondering whether she should ask them who they think Chat Noir is, and check their results with him.

“So Adrien and you both married your collège crushes then? That’s pretty nice.” Kagami smiles.

“Except that Ladybug is in love with Chat Noir, and they're dating. It’s been all over the Ladyblog for at least a year .” Nino frowns and looks towards Alya. He’s had to run after her countless times after the superheroes' relationship had become official, to make sure she wouldn’t fall from the rooftops when she chased Ladynoir dates. As ecstatic as she was when she came back with a couple of exclusive shots, there'd always been an ankle, or at least a scratch, he'd had to bandage. He'd once seen her standing on her tiptoes on a rather flimsy tree branch, and he'd thought his heart was going to give as she'd leaned forward, the branch wobbling menacingly under her, to snap a picture. He’d ranted about it to Adrien, and not too long afterwards, their favourite superhero duo had been spotted hanging out in much more accessible places, much to everyone's delight. Nino didn't know if it was a coincidence, but his blood pressure sure was thankful.

Chat catches Alya’s eyes before she can say anything. He shakes his head in warning. Not now. Her smug grin dies on her lips, and her shoulders droop a little in disappointment.

“Yeah, Adrien and I are… a façade.” Marinette’s lips spread into a tight smile. She hopes that her friends will understand.

“He looks so in love, though.” Kagami says quietly, and Marinette feels another wave of guilt hit her.

Her smile falters.

Alya looks at Chat Noir and raises her eyebrows; Nino and Kagami are very defensive of you, are you sure you want them to continue down this road without saying anything? He shakes his head, again. There’s another way.

“Trust me, guys, it’s 100% acting. Yes, maybe he’s tapping a bit from his Ladybug crush days, but he promised me that his feelings were gone. I think he’s secretly preparing to start a Hollywood career.” Chat Noir shoots everyone a dazzling smile, the one which has earned him millions of euros across the years, and which his father insured for about as much money. Nino twitches a little at the sight, squints, and Adrien knows he’s piqued his best friend’s suspicions. He winks at him, and watches realisation dawn upon his face.

Nino squints again, and nods towards Marinette. Chat shakes his head. On the other side of the circle, Alya beams as she observes the quiet exchange.

“Anyway, as I was saying,” Marinette clears her throat, eager to change the subject, “I need you, and actually, so does Adrien.”

“Is he alright?” Kagami asks.

“He’s fine. Just needed a little dérobement from the press.” Chat Noir mimes a fencing parry, hoping she’ll make the connection. However much they trained, it always seemed like they came back to the Battez-Tirez when sparring together, and its effective parry, the dérobement. They hadn’t competed in public for a while now, preferring to rent out fencing halls when they were both in town, so they could catch up at the same time. Only the two of them would really know what he was referring to.

She nods in understanding, and he sees her shoulders untense as she turns towards Marinette with a small smile. “Understandably so. I’m guessing you have a plan, then?”

“Yes.” Marinette lets out a sigh of relief at her cooperation, and mentally thanks Chat for always knowing what to say to ease any tension. “Here’s how it’s going to go, if you’re up for it: Max, Markov, Chat Noir and I will head to the Agreste Mansion to do a little research on Gabriel Agreste and his possible ties with Hawkmoth. During that time, Alya will be hanging out with Adrien and Mirage-ing me so no one suspects that I’m gone.” She doesn’t pick up Nino and Kagami whipping their head in Alya’s direction, nor the latter’s smug grin. I know too. In fact, I was the first to know. “Nino and Kagami,” their heads whip back to her, “you guys are on Agreste and Sancoeur surveillance duty. They are not to leave this place before you get my signal. You’ll have your Miraculouses in case things get complicated.”

Kagami raises her hand. “If we’re not transformed, how will we communicate with you?”

Marinette doesn’t have the time to look stumped because Max steps forwards. “I got that part covered.” He digs into his pockets and pulls out seven earpieces, which he passes around the circle. They all look down at the simple yet clearly very sophisticated piece of equipment they’re holding, and Max nods to encourage them to put them in, Markov flying down to help them synchronise.

“Should I bother asking why you’re walking around with these?” Alya asks.

He shrugs and pushes his glasses back up. “It's basic equipment. You never know when it could come in useful.”

“Thanks, Max.” Marinette smiles.

She’s about to ask if anyone has any questions when Alix, Juleka and Rose stroll into the room. Marinette mentally goes through the wedding's timetable; this must be Kitty Section's break, if she can tell by Rose and Juleka's slightly sweaty appearance. The three ladies slow down when they see the group break the circle to face them.

“Hey everyone. You missed one hell of a performance out there. Luka was on fire on the guitar, and I think Chloé almost fainted.” Alix smirks as they approach. “Oh, hey Chat Noir.”

She reaches out for a chouquette, earning herself a vaguely threatening look from him, which she shrugs off. Marinette notes that she seems rather unsurprised that he’s hanging out with them. Her friend is actually very relaxed even by Alix standards, when she assumed any onlookers would deem their congregation at least slightly suspicious.

Then again, the woman has access to the Burrow of Time. Everything must be alright, if she’s not panicking.

“How come you’re here? Is somebody in trouble?” Rose asks the question Marinette expected, confirming that Alix must have been monitoring the situation, and takes a swig from her water bottle. Her voice is a little hoarse from the singing, but it still makes her sound like a slightly frightened child.

“Erm… Not really, except…” Marinette trails off, a good excuse eluding her as she’s scrutinised by two of the three ladies, Alix’s left eyebrow shooting up, as if she’s curious to see what she’ll come up with.

“Except for the wedding presents!” Chat Noir swoops in to the rescue, draping an arm across her shoulders. “Our lovely bride here is very tempted to open them without Adrien, but he knows her so well, that he hired me specifically to prevent from doing it.”

“Well, well, well, that’s not very cash-money of you, Marinette.” Alix tuts.

“Oh, I can put you out of your misery for ours!” Rose jumps up and down excitedly, and Juleka smiles behind her bangs.

“Yay!” Marinette exclaims feebly.

“It’s actually a joint gift from all of Kitty Section, and Mylène; we heard that you and Adrien were moving into a new apartment now that you’re married, and Luka thought a good sound system would probably be the last thing on your mind when you bought your furniture, so we went with that! And we also made you a playlist to slow dance to, it’s going to be so romantic!” She sighs.

“That’s so sweet of you guys.” Marinette looks at her friends and feels bad for lying to them when they’re so thoughtful. She hugs Rose and Juleka in turn, making sure they can feel how grateful she is. She’ll find Luka, Mylène and Ivan later.

“Want to hear what I got for you, too?” Alix asks with a smug smirk.

“Sure, if you feel like sharing.” Marinette’s smile is genuine.

“Right, so, I found this great mystery box online where they deliver you clues and then you have to solve it, a bit like an escape room, you know? Except wherever you want, at your own pace. I thought you’d appreciate it.” She shrugs, and pops another chouquette into her mouth.

Marinette and Chat Noir exchange a look. They’ve got their plate full with this mystery, and once it’s over, Marinette is pretty sure she’ll lay off the detective work. She might don the cap again for Adrien if he really wants to, but she isn’t even sure of that.

“That sounds amazing!” Alya answers instead of her, eyes glinting in excitement. “Would you send me the link? I’d love to do something like this too.”

“Sure, if you want!” Alix shrugs. “You could also hitchhike Adrien and Marinette’s game, you can participate with as many players as you want.”

Alya turns towards Marinette with pleading eyes, and her friend rolls her eyes with a smile. Of course she’d be welcome on her team. Isn't that exactly what's happening right now?

“Anyway, we should head back, the next set is starting soon.” Rose clears her throat. “It was nice seeing you guys! Stay strong, Marinette. Adrien will be back soon, you’ll open your presents together!”

“Good luck up there! Honestly you’re doing great, can’t wait for the dances!” Marinette hugs her, then Juleka, and holds Alix back.

“Can I talk to you for a second?” She pulls her slightly aside, and nods to Chat, who takes the lead of the group. He starts handing out the Miraculouses.

“Yes, boss?”

“You’re probably aware of what’s going on, what with the Rabbit Miraculous and everything…” Marinette gestures widely. “Would you keep an eye out in the Burrow, and make sure we’re not messing up anything, timeline-wise?”

“Yep, no worries! As of now, you’re doing great.” She grins.

“Super, thank you.” She sighs in relief and squeezes her friend’s arm. “I’m sorry I didn’t sound more enthusiastic about your present, earlier, I’m sure it’s amazing.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I know it’s not exactly what you need right now, but as you know, I see everything. It’ll be a hit.”

“Looking forward to trying it out, then!”

“Good. Now, go back to your scheming, I’ll keep an eye on things. I’m guessing Alya and the others have a way to communicate with you, if I see anything?”

“Yes.” Marinette smiles.

“Okay, well, I hope I won’t need it, but I’ll let one of them know if I do.” Alix pats Marinette’s arm and turns around. “Good luck out there!”

“Thanks!”

Marinette smooths her skirt, takes a deep breath and walks back to her schemers with a confident smile.

“Everybody okay?” She asks, and all nod. “Cool, because it’s go time.”

[vendettacanons]

Did you like the ending to Little Hope?

// This is an unpopular opinion apparently, but yeah! Overall, I think Little Hope was a massive massive improvement from Man of Medan. Granted, it still fell into some of the same flaws and holes as Man of Medan.

// Putting things under a cut bc SPOILERS, and also because I got super emotional and really in-depth with a psychoanalysis portion of this.

// The game felt more beautiful and polished than the first admittedly. I liked the environment and lighting improvements. Man of Medan was well done, but Little Hope goes it just felt much more natural and at home.

// As far as flaws— The characters from the first game were a bit more memorable in a sense (at least Conrad, Fliss, and Brad were in my opinion) but don’t get me wrong, that is a low bar. I haven’t found any characters from the games thus far particularly noteworthy, memorable, or in fact... likable in any way really. It feels like we just never get to know them enough to actually form an opinion on them. And the traits they’re given don’t really match up with the dialogue options. Which, in Man of Medan, there really isn’t an excuse for. In Little Hope, it’s better explained that they aren’t real— the people represent caricatures of traits the bus driver exhibits. They’re symbols more than anything.

// The game follows two intertwined storylines that are actually blended together quite nicely, which is impressive because that is something that is hard to do without feeling forced (Outlast 2 I’m looking at you). And yeah, it does have its cliches and its moments where things feel very rough or make little sense, I won’t ignore those. The game definitely has its lapses in logic. And yes, it is very frustrating how a character can survive the whole game and die at the end— I was PISSED when I saw that happen but once I saw the ending it made sense why. The death of the characters means an incomplete story arc— or certain traits of the bus driver that were never addressed and thus were not given proper closure.

// I know a lot of people seemed to dislike the ending for one reason or another. A lot of people felt it was a copout and I know more than a few did not like the idea of “oh it was mental illness all along :/”. But personally, I loved that. I’m not sure what mental illness in particular the bus driver was dealing with, but I believe it was schizophrenia. And honestly, the game handled it so well in my opinion. It didn’t glorify it or use it as a scapegoat or demonize it, it didn’t use it as a last minute explanation, the ending cutscenes with Vince literally show that it was the underlying cause of everything the entire time and we just never put it together. Which is exactly what the characters felt too. We were experiencing things from a first-person perspective, while trying to figure things out from a third-person perspective, and that really hit me because that is what it’s like to be schizophrenic. It is trying to rationalize what your mind is conjuring up, trying to understand that it isn’t real when it feels so, so convincingly tangible. And that’s another part of it the ending captured well. People with schizophrenia often don’t have any idea that what they’re seeing isn’t real, and so being snapped out of it can be just as jarring for them as it was for us when we realized the truth.

// A lot of people don’t think the game’s display of it was realistic for a lot of reasons, but the truth is, it’s surprisingly realistic in its portrayal. I liken it to ‘A Beautiful Mind’ a lot and I’ll explain why.

1) The town’s history includes witch trials like those mentioned in Salem. If you’ve ever seen or read the very popular Crucible, which features an interpretation of the witch trials the game is based off, then it explains why the flashbacks happen. Knowledge of certain events that one is familiar with tend to impact what kinds of hallucinations someone with schizophrenia may have.

2) The traumatic events at the beginning. We know the bus driver is the sole survivor of a fire that killed his entire family. He was falsely blamed for it even after he was cleared of charges and still holds guilt over not being able to save anyone from his family and is haunted by a result, which is why he has these hallucinations of friends that share the appearance of his family, and why he keeps seeing their faces everywhere— in flashbacks, in photos— everywhere. The idea of hallucinating entire people or having grand delusions, while not particularly common among most schizophrenics, is still very much something that many experience, especially if they’ve been traumatized or are untreated. He even acknowledges that it’s his family he’s seeing if he saves Mary and persecutes the priest in the last flashbacks.

3) The demons. A lot of people think it fell in line with the stereotype that schizophrenics “see monsters” and this disliked it. And again, while this is not always the case, there are many cases of this happening. In the worst cases, schizophrenics have reported seeing horrible disfigured people and creatures, and these are usually created by perceptions that are more or less the same as when you see a creepy-shaped shadow in your room in the dark. They can sometimes be based off of things seen in movies, in horror events, or culminated by other experiences, but the bottom line is that they can be conjured by the mind. And in the game, they serve as a symbol of guilt. They are the embodiment of “inner demons”, and they will kill whatever characters don’t finish their arc of progression it seems.

4) Repetitive cycles. Schizophrenics tend to see patterns. Not everyone of course, but noticing patterns and repeating them is a common trait. (Again, think ‘A Beautiful Mind’: the scenes where he looks for code patterns and keeps seeing Game Theory everywhere). The deaths of the characters and their Witch Trial doubles coincide with how the family died at the beginning: Daniel’s og died on the fence, his double died on a fence, he can die by being spreared by his demon, the father was crushed to death, the Witch Trial Version was crushed to death, John can have his neck snapped, etc. These “patterns of thought” are another common sign in schizophrenics. Seeing or doing things over and over again. His families faces is the big tie-in really.

5) Smaller note: Identity. As with everything else on this list, this doesn’t apply to all schizophrenics but many do hallucinate their own identities when they are deluding. Hence why the bus driver keeps seeing a younger version of himself. This is not so common as the other symptoms but it exists.

// Overall, Little Hope seemed like a massive improvement from Man of Medan, and while I normally don’t like the idea of mental illness being used as a giant plot hook, in Little Hope it was done tactfully and respectfully. It provided the blueprint for an engaging storyline and was addressed in a manner that was clearly very well-researched. It was not made light of in any sort of way, and it still managed to provide for a very entertaining game experience while also providing a very deep message: ‘we all have to confront our pasts and lay them to rest at some point. It’s never too late to forgive yourself.’ To me, Little Hope was amazing and I was genuinely brought to tears because of how close to home it hit, and how it told such a good story of someone with a mental illness I’m all too familiar with. Words can’t describe how much it meant to me to see a story being portrayed like that with such tact.

// And again, this is just my opinion on everything. These are just my interpretations of events that happen and connections I made while playing. I haven’t even addressed a lot of things in the game but if I did this post would be even longer so let me just leave it at: yes, I like Little Hope a lot. It has a special place in my heart, it made me cry, and I highly recommend it to anyone looking for a good horror game experience. Also, if you haven’t, please go watch ‘A Beautiful Mind’. I don’t normally mention movies as a primary source, but that movie is based off of the true story of John Nash and was pulled from his biography. It’s very eye-opening and beautiful.

// And also as a disclaimer: I am not a professional psychologist or anything. My facts are based solely off of my own research, my own consultations with professionals, and first-hand experiences (with undifferentiated schizophrenia specifically). Pls don’t take what I say as fact, do your own research, talk to professionals for more insight, and take what I say with a grain of salt. Your Mileage May Vary and that’s okay. ❤️

[poetic-emptiness-fanfic]

8th of May (Echoes of the Past 9: First loves)

Characters: Hande Kuura, Salma Kuura, Sargon Hakimi, Helena Kuura (mentioned), Sardar Gul (mentioned), Afsoun Gul (mentioned), Armas Vuorimaa (mentioned), Paavo Kuura (mentioned), Hugo Kuura (mentioned) & Taika Kuura (mentioned)

Content warnings: some profanities, mention of blood & death

Words: ~3 300

@arcana-echoes

[Extracts from Hande's diary – she writes alternately in Karnassian and Hongas; also letters]

17th April 828, Vesuvia

I think I'm going slightly mad... Today amme Afsoun summoned me to the shop after the post was delivered: I received a letter. Since I've only been in Vesuvia for two weeks, I was sure it was from home – not many people know I'm currently here. I don't wish everyone to know each and every move I make, so I appreciate that even Salma has kept her mouth shut. And speaking of the Devil, the letter was from her. Amme didn't want any help with the shop, so I went upstairs immediately, back to ”my” reading haunt (I just love that turquoise armchair...) to read what the Monkey had to say this time. I include the letter below:

15th April 828, Karnassos

My dearest Gorilla,

I hope you’re enjoying your time with Amme in Vesuvia. I’m still a little nettled that I got this stupid flu and couldn’t go with you - I miss Vesuvia’s marketplace and Amme. Don’t worry, I’m still happy for you; you get to see the Flower Festival and learn some awesome magic. You must show me, when you get back home!

Luckily, I no longer have a fever, but my throat is still sore and I feel tired all the time. Baba cheers me up by drawing beautiful pictures of animals and flowers - I’ve hanged the drawings on my wall! Äiti is quite busy with her clothing commissions, but in the evenings she comes to play chess with me. Otherwise I’m reading and daydreaming and listening to that music box - thank you for sending it to me! It has brought me a lot of joy!

By the way, Sargon visited here yesterday. He wanted to see you and was quite disappointed when he heard that you are visiting Amme. I bet my bottom daric he has a crush on you… ;) And don’t claim anything else, I’ve seen earlier, how he looks at you! You’d be a daft for not noticing that! He’ll be one lucky guy if you two started to date. Yeah, yeah, he’s handsome and kind and all… but we both know, which one of you is the awesome one! ;)

I’m not going to tease you anymore, I just want you to be happy, that’s all! But for now, make the most of your trip in Vesuvia! And please, write me as soon as you can.

Your oh, so darling sister,

Salma the Monkey

Yeah, she still mixes Karnassian and Hongas in one letter, but well, I find it fun – at least it'd be quite difficult for an outsider to read it. Good luck with two different alphabets, hah! But holy shit, I still can't believe that last part: Sargon has visited our home to see ME? And he was DISAPPOINTED, because I wasn't there??? Is Salma messing with me? But why would she – she may be even more mischevious than me, but she isn't mean. Oh, now I regret I told her I had fallen for a CHILDHOOD FRIEND... I'm so stupid... But what if Salma's right? What if Sargon has a crush on me? No, it can't be it... He's handsome, kind and rich... He's practically the most wanted boy of our age – many parents even try to arrange their children to get engaged with him. He's only 15, turns 16 in a couple of months... Argh, Salma, why did you make me confused?!

To be entirely honest, I still miss her. I've said it before, but I really am also nettled that she wasn't able to come with me – the carriage trip would've not been so boring if she was there keeping me company. Well, at least I got my books... Oh, speaking of books, I hope my package is delivered in time! Tomorrow is baba's birthday and I found a perfect book for him. I still hope he likes it – it's a little sad to be away during his big day, but oh well... Luckily he turns 41, so it's not anything too special... Ugh, I just can't stop thinking about Sargon, damn him! And damn me, now I hope I never get home, I'm going to be so screwed... Luckily I know a spell for invisibility so I can just avoid everyone if needed. Or I can escape to Hjalle, vaari¹ can keep me safe, heh.

Amme has already fallen asleep. I try to follow suit. Good night!

7th May 828, Karnassos

I'm really going mad! I must be imagining everything and I'll find out that I really am in a mental asylum... So much has happened after I returned back home. Äiti, baba and Salma surprised me on my birthday and brought me breakfast to bed. I also didn't have to attend agha Akhtar's lessons, he even made me a birthday card! I was really surprised he took the time – usually he just brings some sweets (and even that's so kind from him!). But that wasn't all: in the afternoon that day, Sargon came to say hi and he gave me a present! I didn't know he even remembers my birthday – he's a little absent-minded when it comes to birthdays or other important dates. He gave me a drawing set with pencils and a sketchbook with fine paper – it really felt too much... Of course the Monkey teased me THE WHOLE DAY after that so I might have hexed her... Nothing serious! She just couldn't remember where she did put her things for the rest of the day.

Yesterday wasn't any special, but today Sargon visited AGAIN. I'm a little mad at baba that he let him in... I just... Now I feel like äiti and baba also have figured out something and they have this conspiracy with Salma to try to play matchmakers for me... It feels so awkward... And now I really suspect it's just some kind of a sick joke and Sargon is plotting with them... Sargon asked me especially to go out with him – usually we go with Salma together, since they're also friends. I didn't have the courage to say no so I went. It was fun, actually: we were wondering along the bazaar, feeding stray animals and later Sargon took my to their estate to see his horse. She is beautiful, her name is Zeka – the wind. Their stablemaster even let me to ride with her. It was nice, although I was a little nervous, since I haven't ridden that much.

Well, when the sun set, Sargon walked me home (or more like offered a carriage ride – it's so strange how rich his family is, having their own carriages). When we were in front of my doorstep, he even opened the door for me! And when I said him goodbye and was going to open the door, he KISSED ME ON THE CHEEK! And he just left, without saying anything more!!! I just ran straight to my room and to my embarrassment I need to admit I screamed on one of my pillows so Salma or my parents woldn't hear me. I just can't believe it really happened... I love his smile and the way he fiddles his fingers when he's concentrated and... He can't feel the same for me, he just can't! I'm not that special (I can do magic, but that's about it)... Everyone says how Salma is the beautiful one, although she'll just turn 13 in a few days... I'm just a weirdo who happened to inherit the ”exotic” look from my äiti...

I don't think I'll get much sleep next night. Maybe I try to read or probably brew some calming potion, if I can concentrate enough... My life is a mess...

8th May 828, Karnassos

I can't believe it. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!! Me and Sargon... We are a couple now!!! I feel like I'm in a wonderful dream and at any moment I might wake up. Today, when I was at the marketplace to buy new yarns and check if our bookseller had any new additions to their collection, I met Sargon again. My hands started sweating immediately and his face just lit up and he smiled so widely after he noticed me. I thought I must overreact and that's just how a friend would react... Well, he asked me to come to their place, he was trying to find a way to catch the cool air and push the warm air out and it could be used at homes. It was really fascinating, seeing his drawings and miniatures – he understands the physics way better than I do, but I could help him with chemistry. I'm sure he's going to be an engineer when he grows up!

But yeah, he always kept touching me a little: holding my hand, putting his hand on my back, even stroking my cheek. I thought I would explode! But still, I kept on thinking that I'm just imagining and overanalyzing and that was nothing... We talked and laughed and well, I even met the mayor (he's Sargon's uncle). I was so nervous, I've never met him like this before, only Sargon's parents. He told me he had heard about me and my sister, because Sargon has talked about us a lot during these years. The mayor of Karnassos KNEW ABOUT MY EXISTENCE??? Holy shit... But back to the matter at hand (I just can't help my mind, it keeps racing...): I spent the whole day at Hakimis, I even ate dinner with them.

Then Sargon again suggested that he'd escort me on my way home. Unlike usual, our carriage trip was spent in silence. It made me a little uneasy – I feared that I had disappointed Sargon somehow and that he was mad at me... Later, about halfway through the trip he suddenly took my hand in his. Then he just said my name and then he KISSED ME. Not on the cheek, but on the LIPS!!! I thought like I was struck by a lightning and luckily I was sitting, for I'm sure my legs would've given out if I was standing... After that we just kept staring each other, until I finally mustered my courage and whispered the words I had wanted to say for a long time: ”I love you.” He answered that he loves me too... The rest of the trip he came to sit next to me and we just hugged each other. I wished that the trip would never end, but eventually it did... Sargon opened the door for me again, but before I could get home, he kissed my hand. I also felt his stare in my back, until I turned around and waved him goodbye. But well, when I finally had floated to my room, I looked out the window and he was still there! He wanted to see I got there safely – what a moron, I was at my home already. xD But yes, I still found it cute.

He loves me. He really loves me...

22nd December 828, Karnassos

My dearest Ray of light,

Words can't describe, how much I miss you right now. Still, I'm happy you get the chance to spend some time with your family from your mother's side. I actually wish we'd also celebrate Midwinter Feast, it sounds so nice. Maybe I should ask mum if we could do that too next year...

Things here are the same: baba is always working and mama tries to entertain herself with dinner parties and theatre visits. I'm working on my studies and that ”ventilation system”. I hope I get it ready soon, it would be wonderful to try to test it! How's your short story doing? I really loved the previous one, it made me laugh so much! Do you let me read your next one when you get back home?

By the way, how's your family doing? I hope they are fine and your celebrations are going like planned. Is Salma still up to mischief? Well, I can imagine you'd be her partner of crime so Hjalleans and Forestian should keep their guard up! And let's pretend I'm not interested in your antics, but please, if you make any good jokes during your stay there, you must tell me when you get back!

I'm sorry that I'm not that good at words... You're so talented with them that I get nervous when I need to answer your letters. I can't do them justice and it makes me a little sad. I still keep trying for you, I really want to make you happy by writing back to you. You have made me so happy during these months and I really miss your voice and laughter and clever remarks.

Have a great Midwinter Feast! I send you lots of hugs and kisses! Remember, that I love you more than anything!

Forever yours,

Sargon

28th December 828, Hjalle

My lovely King²,

Thank you for your last letter! You don't need to worry about your writing – your letters always bring me great joy and I'll cherish them forever! I also miss you greatly, although I'm enjoying my time in Hjalle. It's been snowing for the last few days and the view when I look out of the window is spectacular! I made a drawing about it in my sketchbook – I hope I managed to capture the atmosphere...

My family is doing fine, thank you for asking! Baba and äiti enjoy the chance to relax, and vaari as well as Paavo-eno entertain me and Salma with playing funny games and of course we've played with our cousins, too. Erkki is 12 and Marjatta is 11, but they still are fun to be with and it's also nice to see our other uncles and aunt and their children. It's a little crowded here since the whole family is here, but in a good way.

Well, my short story is still a work in progress, but I guess I can show you some parts of it when we get back to Karnassos. And hah, I won't admit anything about making mischief! How could you even think of that of us, we are just little angles (heh)? I'm also very happy for you, I'm sure you'll get your invention ready soon!

I'm sorry about your baba. It must get lonely for you and your mama if he's not home very often... I wish I could do something to help for your situation... What if I make a potion for him that makes him stay at home and you slip it into his drink or something? Well, I don't think that's really very ethical thing to do... Maybe your mama should try to talk with him? And you, as well. I know it can be hard, but maybe he'll take more time for you if he learns that both of you feel lonely...

Although I've enjoyed my time in Hjalle, I really miss you, too. To be honest, I still get a little confused sometimes, about the fact that you're really with me. It's just like from a fairytale! Well, without the wicked witch part (there are just a few magicians, and they're harmless). But yeah, I really miss your cute eyes, babbling about your inventions and our trips together... Just remember, that we come back in two weeks, so it isn't that long time anymore (although for me, it feels like eternity).

I need to stop now, Taika asked me to join the dinner. Take care, lots of hugs and kisses! I love you very much!

Forever yours,

Hande

20th June 829, Karnassos

My love,

I hope the courier delivers this to you soon. I want to warn you: stay away from the Count of Vesuvia. He's dangerous. I won't say anymore until we meet face to face, but you will hear soon, that my uncle has died. That bastard killed him, because my uncle dared to complain that he stole our city's food storages. He's going to claim that my uncle was a demon, and that's why he killed him, but I don't believe it! Well, I guess you'd have known if he was a demon for real, since you're a magician...

But please, my mama is hysterical and baba is worried as well. They fear that the Count's army is going to occupy Karnassos because of this. We don't know how the Shah reacts to this... If the Count or his soldiers are in your neighbourhood, don't go near them. I don't want to lose you, too... We're staying at home just in case, so the Count can't think we're planning an uprising...

Please, stay safe, all of you! I love you!

Forever yours,

Sargon

27th June 829, Karnassos

Salma is dead... My little sister is dead... I don't want to talk about it...

15th November 829, Karnassos

It's over. My and Sargon's story I mean. I can't believe how he can be so cruel and heartless!!! I met him today at the park. He wanted to make out, but I didn't feel like it and he started to sulk like a little brat... How can I just ignore that we were meeting at the place where me and Salma used to play together for all these years? I didn't sleep well last night, I saw nightmares again... I must've screamed, because baba came into my room and woke me up. He stayed with me until I fell asleep... But yeah, I wanted to talk about my nightmares with Sargon, but he wouldn't listen. He just told me to think of something else. Something else??? He didn't see my sister crushed under the hooves of those BEASTS and he didn't have my sister's blood on his hands AGAIN!!! IT HAUNTS ME EVERY DAY AND I GET SICK!!!

I tried to ignore it and then suggested if we walk a little. I held his hand which seemed to make him a little happier. We just walked and neither of us talked for a long time, but then Sargon opened his stupid mouth, ”Look, Hande... My love... It's been four months since Salma died. You can't be sad all the time, it's giving me the creeps. Could you give me even  a little smile?” I was shocked. How dared he?! MY SISTER HAS DIED, IT WAS THAT DICKHEAD'S FAULT, ÄITI AND BABA ARE CRYING ALL THE TIME AND I HAVE NIGHTMARES AND GET ANXIETY ATTACKS EVERY FUCKING DAY, AND I SHOULD SMILE A LITTLE BECAUSE HE'S GETTING THE CREEPS??? I yanked my hand away and just stared at him. Then something snapped in my head and I started to shout at him, everything I've been keeping in my chest for all these months. I also called him a spoiled brat who doesn't know anything about real life. I don't regret saying that, he was asking for it...

Sargon got alarmed and tried to calm me down, but I didn't want him to touch me. I told him I was not his plaything and that since he couldn't even respect my grief, he didn't earn my smile. I dumped him and told him to stay away from me or I would curse him. He looked like he wanted to say something, but then he looked at my face and left with tail between his legs. I just ran home and started crying when I finally got here... Shit, I'm still crying... He betrayed me... I love Sargon and he betrayed me too... I thought that he would stay by my side... Well, I guess he's just like those others, who just ditched me because I didn't play their clown anymore!!! Fucking traitors... At least Azita is still my friend... If she left me, I couldn't take it anymore...

I feel like shit... I hate myself, because I wasn't good enough for anyone... Not for Salma, not for my so-called ”friends” and now, not for Sargon... Love is just a trap to make you suffer! I was stupid to give my heart to that slimy snob... Well, like agha Akhtar, amme and Hugo have always said, I ALWAYS learn from my mistakes. I will NEVER give my heart to anyone again, mark my words!!!

TRANSLATIONS:

¹ grandpa in Hongas

² the name Sargon means ”king” in Karnassian, the inside joke between Hande and Sargon

My AO3

[ahiddenpath]

My Current Thoughts on Writing Fanfics

I’m so glad I’ve had this bloggity since 2012, because I can see how much my approach to writing has changed!  I wanted to touch base on where I am now, plus answer the most common questions I receive about writing fanfics beneath the cut.

Obligatory disclaimer: I’m a hobbyist writer, this is meant to be taken as opinion/reflection, not advice, different approaches work for different people, annnnd also check out my digimon fanfics (FFN and AO3).

How do I develop a regular writing habit?

I’d start by setting aside 15 minutes a day to write.  Don’t focus on word count- writing x number of words can be intimidating, but most people can sit for 15 minutes and get something down.  If you’re writing on a computer, turn off the internet and place your phone out of reach

Gradually increase the session length.

Never worry about the quality of your writing while you’re drafting.  That’s what editing and subsequent drafts are for.  I have a post on utilizing successive drafts to combat writing paralysis here, but the tl;dr is that the pressure to write a perfect story in the first draft often turns writing into an agonizing trial instead of creative play.

Your first draft is bad, period, at least compared to what it will be.  In the kindest way possible, get over it.  Your value as a writer- or as a human!- isn’t tied into your questionable first draft.  Please explore your story in the earliest stages with enthusiasm, not criticism!  You’re going to make it so much better by the time you’re finished!

How do you write so much?

See, here’s one of the biggest changes in my mindset compared to my early days as ahiddenpath.  I used to think that doing all of this writing was like... extra credit, like a stretch goal I pushed myself to achieve.  

I learned in therapy starting in 2018 that the reason I keep writing is because I have to.  I have general anxiety disorder, and my brain...  Have you seen an old-timey cartoon with a boiler?  They are drawn swollen, metal distorting with steam pressure, rivets groaning and popping free.  That’s how I feel if I don’t write.  Don’t ask me why or how, but writing is like turning a valve to release the pressure.

(Quick PSA- my therapist calls creative outlets “coping skills.”  If you feel like you have boiler brain, make time for your hobbies, no matter how tired you are.)

For me, writing is challenging play.  Although I’m often conveying messages that matter to me or exploring ideas I want to work through, and I try to make the best product I can...  I don’t take it seriously, and I don’t sweat over it.  I’m here to wander, play, and take care of myself.

So basically, I think the recipe for producing lots of writing is: regularity/habit (do it every day, even for just a little while), minimizing distractions, separating the processes of drafting and editing, turning off criticism in the early stages of drafting, and writing for yourself and your own needs.

 Do you feel embarrassed about writing fanfic?

Nope.  I write for my mental health/because it’s fun, period.  However, I also don’t tell people IRL that I write fanfic!  But I’m a private person (I don’t tell people IRL that I’m asexual, for example, and I only tell them I have anxiety if I freeze up in front of them).

Do you feel embarrassed about writing OCs/fakemon?

Hahahaha!  Look, I know there are lots of people who won’t read OCs and fakemon.  I know there are probably people who wish I would stick to more canon stuff (both in terms of OCs and my strong preference for AUs).

But I’m here to write what I want, and while it makes me happy when people read and enjoy my work...  It’s no skin off my back if they don’t.  I already fulfilled my goal of taking care of myself.

Don’t you want to get published and make money for your writing?

No, not at this time.  For everyone who has said that I have the writing skill to be published, thank you so very much.  That’s so kind, and I truly appreciate it!

But...  The United States has the enormous capitalistic attitude problem that endeavors are only worthwhile if they generate capital.  I can’t even begin to tell you how damaging this concept is- literally, I’m not equipped with the sociopolitical educational background.  

Sometimes I think I’d like to become a published novelist?  But sometimes I recall that I have a dope research gig, and I wanna play around with writing in my free time.

To be clear, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t pursue your creative career dreams!!!  And, who knows, maybe some day I’ll get tired of research and want to try swapping to the hobby/skill I’ve spent so much time refining.  Just...  Never stop doing something fun and harmless you enjoy because “it doesn’t make money.”  

I’m not gonna sit here acting like I know what the purpose of life is, but I think having fun and meeting your needs is pivotal.

Okay, so how can I support my favorite fandom content creators?

Bless you, f’real.  The easiest way is to comment on their stuff.  For meta writers, leave comments, engage, ask questions.  For fanfiction writers, leave reviews.  I have so many lovely folks who chat with me over Tumblr or discord after reading my stuff, which is so great.  But it’s hard to find those sweet messages later.  I can always click on reviews any time I need a little positive reinforcement/boost.  So, even if you’re going to talk to the writer later...  Leave that review!

If the content producer uses social media, reblog their stuff to give them more exposure.  Likes are for you, so you can find a post later.  Reblogs are for the creators, so other people can see their work.

Things like fanart, fanfic of fanfic, cosplays, and other... fan content of fan content make our year, I promise!  We love that so stinkin’ much!

Some fan content producers have a ko-fi and/or a patreon, so sometimes there are monetary ways to show appreciation.

If you’re intimated by a content producer, please remember that we are all massive dorkasauruses.  I absolutely guarantee it.

How do you have so many ideas?!

Ah, I have a Future Projects page on my blog- I don’t think pages work on mobile.

But here’s the secret: ideas are the easy part.  They are literally a dime a dozen.  Heck, there are AU generators!  Just pick characters out of a hat and use an AU generator and bam, you’re off!  And even then, you don’t need a real idea to start writing!  I launched Four Years on the thought of, “hahaha, wouldn’t it be a mess if the Chosen went to college together?!”

We’re writing fanfic; we’re here to play.  There’s no need to crush yourself with the expectation that you must write the next hit thriller plot.

In my opinion, the much better question is: how do you manage your projects such that you complete them?

So, uh, how do you manage your projects?

I’ve established that I write fanfic to play and to take care of myself, but I do want to grow as a writer along the way.  And the best way to learn how to craft narratives is to practice completing them.  If you launch stories over and over and only write roughly 1/4 to 1/3 of the way through the story...  All you’re practicing is how to start a story.

When I first started writing as ahiddenpath, I did exactly zero planning (see the Four Years reference above).  I ended up with longfics stretching as long as 400K+ words- that’s over six novels (based on the average adult fiction novel length)!!!!!  It is so daunting to work on longfics, because you feel like the ending is nowhere to be seen.

SO most of my pointers circle around always writing towards your ending, even before you start!

-Decide what you want to say with your story before you start writing.

First, “what you want to say” doesn’t have to be a big, grand theme.  It can be as big as “how the trauma of their adventures impacted them after” or as small as “I think these dorks would have a good time at laser tag.” 

I’m not talking about a detailed outline (in fact, I personally hate outlines).  Just know what your story is about and make sure what you write points to it.  If you can make the structure of your story mimic your theme, even better!  But no worries if that doesn’t work out, it’s not always possible.

-Write linearly

The best way to keep moving along in your story is just to... keep writing it in order.  This helps achieve regular updates, and prevents you from potentially “losing” material if you change your mind about the plot before reaching the bit you wrote already.  This happened to me so frequently that I stopped writing ahead of myself.  If I have an idea, I write it down, but I don’t draft future scenes.  In my experience, they often never see the light of day.

I’m told people often write the bit of the story they most want to write first?  If you have a single scene that you’re really longing to write, but you don’t know how to get there/don’t want to write the rest...  May I suggest that you... don’t write the rest?  If your scene works as a oneshot, write that oneshot!  Don’t torture yourself with a lot of writing you don’t want to do.  Most often, people end up forcing their way through 1-4 chapters, then stalling before ever reaching the Good Bit. 

A moment of silence for all of the unwritten Good Bits out there.  Now, some Enya.

If you can’t reduce Good Bit setup to a oneshot, reduce as much as possible.  I think that sometimes, people underestimate the incredible advantages of writing fanfiction?  Everyone knows your characters already, and maybe even the setting, if you keep it canon.  You can cut out the setup and dive right into what you want to do with the characters! 

-Think about the structure of your story before you start

Considering the structure of your story is a fantastic way to estimate how long it will be/ensure that there is an ending in sight from the start.  For example, in Voices, I covered a single school year in Japan, writing a diary entry for a different Chosen every day, so I knew that I would write the story for roughly a year.  After August had one chapter per Chosen, so each child could help Taichi deal with his post Adventure trauma in their own way, plus an opening and closing chapter.  My Tri story, Tri: Integrity Lens, is written and posted in installments covering each Tri movie.

It’s fine if no particular structure strikes you.  I could see forced structure turning into a gimmick, you know?  But if it naturally works out, it’s a great way to have a solid idea of how much story is ahead of you before you start, and where the story will end.  And being cognizant of how and when a story ends from chapter one yields a tighter, shorter fic, one that you’re more likely to complete.

-Consider writing in batches/sections before posting

So lately, I’ve been experimenting with how I deliver fanfic updates.  I mentioned that my Tri fic follows the Tri movies.  Each movie is covered with a few 3,000-6,000 word updates that I post every other week.  I cover an entire movie before posting any of it, and then I plan to take a break in between movies to work on either the next movie or a different fic.

AND THIS IS SO GREAT!  Having large chunks of my story written is such a fantastic way to do things!  I keep thinking of little details I can add/things I should mention and noticing inconsistencies I can fix before posting.  Giving myself a larger picture and time to mull over it by spreading out updates is making a huge difference for me.

Plus, giving yourself little breaks between installments can help keep you fresh and motivated, while leaving your audience waiting at a nice, natural stopping point.  Plus, this way they know that you haven’t just... up an vanished or dropped a story.  You’re just taking an announced break.

How do you plan stories?

I believe I mentioned hating outlines.  I personally respond best to “structured freedom.”  I focus on things like: what are my themes/what do I want to say, how will the characters grow or regress, how is this story structured or formatted, what is the overall tone and mood.  Other than that, I keep things fluid...  Which is why it’s so important for me to enforce some kind of ending point before I begin.

Basically, for me, too much planning = a boring slog where I can’t inject the moods and ideas of the day into my work without derailing meticulous plans.  Too little planning = longfic hell.  I’m guessing that everyone has to decide for themselves where they land on this continuum!  Exploration is vital.

Okay, I am out of steam for today.  If you have any other writing/fanfic questions you’d like answered, please let me know!  Here are some other resources I’ve made.

-Combating writing paralysis with successive drafts

-Dishing with an artist

-Tips for Fanfic Authors

-More Tips for Fanfic Authors

-Tips for Winning Nanowrimo

-Resources/Advice for Digimon Adventure Fanfic Writers

[selfshippinglover]

all of the self insert development questions for your harry potter s/i >:3

AWWW THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH MAGNUS!! i’M PROBABLY LATE BUT YESS!! I’M EXCITED :DD

1. Does your insert have a name that’s different from yours? Does the name reflect their character in any way, or is it just because it sounds nice? How did you come up with it?

Nope! I mostly just stick with my own name just cause I like it to feel more like me in world :)

2. Does your insert have a very strong relationship with a f/o, maybe more than one? Tell us a little about the dynamic they have! This can be a bond that’s romantic, familial, or platonic, anything - even an enemy would count as a strong relationship!

~So, Hagrid and I have a very strong friendship before the whole dating thing! :DD I met well he was caring for a mythical creature and we bonded quickly just talking by it tbh :))

~McGonagall and I are best friends! we bond pretty quickly once the school year kicks off! As I’m a newer hire to the school, I’m still getting used to how everything works(I end up going via Hagrid’s recommendation!) and she actually helps me in between classes if I have any questions. We both care strongly for the lives of our students and are annoyed by the ones that are disruptive. So yeah, we also are fast friends :)

~I have a great deal of respect for Dumbledore despite his uhhh, “method” of teaching sometimes being straight up dangerous to others. Sometimes it’s even begrudging respect! I love the way he run things but I wish he’d put the students in less danger >:/ Still, I know I can feel safe to talk to him whenever I may need.

3. Who in their canon are they closest to? Who would they drop everything to come help, if anyone? Who’s the person they’re least close to? Who would they most likely not get along with, if anyone?

~I’m definately closest to Hagrid and McGonagall. I’d drop everything if even one of them was in danger.

~I mean, the only people I don’t really like ar the ones serving Voldemort....and Gilderoy =-=

4. Does your insert have a backstory? Tell us about it! How does their backstory, if any, define who they are? How does it reflect their relationships now? Their hopes and dreams?

~My backstory is very basic: I’m just another wizard in the world. Timid, unsure of what I wanna do with my life, and lowkey craving adventure.(boi does life deliver on that  one fkhjhsjg) One day while walking through many of the forests in the Wiarding Worl, I meet a half giant. We become friends very quick and he shows me around his home as well as educates me on mythical creatures. I find out that he actually works at the most well reknown school in all of the magical world and they have a slot open! I’m anxious at first but decide(after much coaxing and the reminder that he’ll be there if I need him) to give it a shot. I end up making the cut and officially and becoming an assist teacher! I go around as many classes as I can and help out :33 

~The only way my relationships are affected is by becoming closer and making new ones really.

~After having no big dreams, my dream becomes to learn how to help as many students as I can to reach their potential and to feel good about themselves! I always to preach to them about good mental health, remind them to drink often, and be aware when teachers and students aren’t feeling well. I offer to take their place if it’s a magic I know well enough.

5. Does your insert have any magical talents or otherwise special abilities? Are they passive, like the ability to befriend animals, or dangerous power that the villains want? Or if theyre evil - any powers the heroes want to stop?

I mean, as a wizard, I’ve got plenty! i try to have a decent array of everyday use kind of spells, lots of healing focu spells, and self-defense based ones. (I learn more offensive stuff at the school)So yeah, pretty passive.

6. Do they fight? What’s their weapon of choice? Do they stay on the sidelines? What would it take for them to get off the sidelines? Revenge? Saving a loved one? What’s the motivation for them to fight, or to stay OUT of a fight?

I really prefer to not use violence/engage in confrontation and will avoid it by sticking to the sidelines and only intervening when the students fight. If it were to be two professors, I’d probably stay out of it... ^-^’ the big thong that would push me out and/or through my fear would be if someone I cared about was stepping up to the plate/in danger. I can’t let others get hurt!

7. What kind of clothing style do they like? What would they never be caught dead wearing? What’s likely in their closet right now?

~I like a variety of aesethics but my insert ends up sticking to more formal attire sense it’s a school.

~I don’t really like wearing things that show a lot of skin so that really.

~Looots of formal attire, a few dresses, protective gear, enchanted clothes,  and very casual clothing.

8. How do they fit into their canon world? What’s their role to play, if any? Do they have a big destiny? Or do they more live as a side character that’s helpful for the protagonists/antagonists?

I’m mostly a side character that has her own personal arc about feeling good enough in that place and stepping up against my personal fears to help others.

9. Their favorite foods? Colors? Activities? What do they enjoy in life? How do they express their joy for things they like?

~Magic foods are freaking weird so I stick with the most looking stuff XDD

~Red and Pink are still favorite colors, hang out with the other teachers, patrol campus, learn about mythical creatures, take day trips to the shopping districts, read the newspapers, and hang out with my friends :33

~She expresses joy by sharing with others, stimming via movement, and just being all excited when talking about it :33

10. Their least favorites? What don’t they enjoy in life? How do they deal with being presented with things they don’t like?

~just don’t like the usual stuff, anger, confrontation, jerks, being forced into things you know, the usual.

~I just have a  fear reaction to most things so I try to avoid it and/or deescalate things.

11. How easy is it to make your insert angry? Sad? How easy is it to twist their emotions into negative things? By contrast, how easy are they to cheer up? What can brighten a bad day?

~As a sufferer of fear and depression, being sad comes easily. Anger is an emotion reserved for very few evil acts. I’ve learned to cope a bit better at that point so I don’t immediately fall into sadness but a few more pushes or crazy things happening would overwhelm me fast.

~I’m a bit hard to cheer up if I’m suffering a depressive episode but way easier if I just feel bad. Distraction works perfectly fine in that situation. I really just need downtime and my friends faces.

12. Is your insert a loner, or do they prefer crowds? Do they warm up easily, or do they tend to take longer to befriend others? What kinda people do they get along with? Who are they likely to be uncomfortable with?

~I’m pretty sociably flexible as long as there aren’t large crowds. (Though I don’t like meeting groups of new people cause it makes me anxious) I find it easy to befriend others since I treat others like my friends from the start. I can be nice to anyone, ya know? It mostly depends on my energy level that day tbh.

~I’m only really uncomfortable with angry people, people that boost their own ego at the cost of others, people that commit horridly evil acts, and people that are super narrow-minded about things.

13. What are your insert’s goals? Their hopes and dreams for the past/future/present! Do they intend to achieve no matter what? Could anything stop them, big or small?

Nothing big, just exsist happily and not suffer through their terrible mental struggles all the time. Later on though, she decides she wants to help and protect everyone to the best of her ability; no matter the situation. She is very easily pushed into doing things unless it’s for others so uhh, once all the bad stuff happens, the situation and fear for her students and peers pushes her into action.

14. Does your insert have any family relations? How do they get along? How do they disagree? Is it a biological family? Adopted? Or is it found family? How did this family come together, if it was one of the last two?

Not really, no? Well, idk yet. Kinda questioning if McGonagall could be an older sister.

15. Does your insert have any enemies? What’s that dynamic like? Why are they enemies? Did they ever get along in the past? Is patching up differences out of the question for the future?

I mean, the only people she has anything against are people that try to hurt the ones she loves and well, that’s self-explanatory on its own.

16. Free question space! Ask whatever you want to know!

No one asked but Luna Lovegood is underrated as hell and the movies did her dirty!!

[hurlumerlu]

You already know who ;) Cad, Molly and Nott ?

Get ready for a novel !

Caduceus :D

Sexuality Headcanon : That man is G.A.Y. I’m hesitant to put him somewhere on the ace spectrum because I’m not ace myself and I feel like headcanoning sheltered, soft, slightly “weird” characters as ace comes with a lot of bagages (and there’s also fandom’s history of treating gay sex as icky/weird/not pure enough) but I’m drawn to that headcanon nonetheless. Gender Headcanon : He’s not super aware of his own gender, but if you actually ask him he would identify as a man. After a very longue pause. And he would probably thinks it’s kinda rude of you to ask. A ship I have with said character : I low-key ship everyone (but Beau) with him. He just has this very easygoing chemistry with pretty much everyone ? Except with Nott but I can see the two of them in a trouple with Yeza (they’re not sure how they got there ? but it works ?). But like who am I kidding, we all know I’m super into Fjord/Caduceus. The care ! The respect ! The awkwardness ! This is going to devolve into a Fjord/Caduceus manifesto so I’ll stop there. BROTP I have with said character : God squad ! The dynamic between Caduceus, Jester and Yasha is amazing, very tender  and supportive but also extremely fertile ground for wacky shenanigans, they straight up don’t speak the same language, I love them. I’m also very curious to see more interraction between him and Beau, partly because I love the way Taliesin and Marisha play off each other, but also partly because Cad’s very supportive of Beau and she seems a bit... distant ? with him ? idk I may be imagining things. A NOTP I have with said character : not really ? I mean Beau’s a lesbian so that would be a big no, but I’ve never seen people shipping them so it’s very theoretical. A random headcanon : He was the kind of kid who raises all sort of “gross” pets growing up. Spiders, snails, cockroaches... he loved them all, but he only kept his beetles. General Opinion over said character : I loved him from his very first sentence and that love have only grown so far ? I’m always a bit wary around very religious characters but with Cad it’s an interesting kind of nervousness rather than a dealbreaker or even a real downside of him. I like that we have completely different viewpoints ! I love how genuinely nice and supportive he is, I love when he does cryptid-level shit, I love his incredible ability to just go with the flow, I love when he gets snide (”sleep well with your bad decisions”) and I just love how well he fits within the Nein (poor dude had a rough start, they really didn’t appreciate him enough at first). I hope he’s going in a direction where he’ll feel more comfortable being cared for (rather than always being the one taking care of), but if he’s not I won’t be disapointed. I hope we also get more angry Caduceus, because that was sexy badass.

Molly :D

Sexuality Headcanon : Bi ! Gender Headcanon : Well he’s canonically nonbinary but I feel like he’s specifically interested in gender as something to subvert. A ship I have with said character : I was slowly getting into Molly/Fjord (I’m not sure they would have managed to encourage the best in each other but they would have been a very fun and hot couple). But, well, RIP. A BROTP I have with said character : Molly and Yashaaaaaaaa T-T. Also Beau and Molly’s relationship was fucking amazing, I still miss it. A NOTP I have with said character : Not really ? Though again, Beau/Molly would piss me off but I haven’t seen that pairing either. A random headcanon : He hasn’t actually had that much sex or many different partners, people just kinda assumed and since most of them seemed to disaprove, he leaned into it. General Opinion over said character : I love how messy and complex he was ! He could have been your usual cliche of a person who perform for a living (vain ! good liars ! egotistic !) but instead was very close in personnality to a lot of performers I actually met (pretending to be vain for fun and because everyone assumes already, lying=/=acting, very community minded because everyone has to pull their weight if you actually want to succeed). His weird relationship with his body/past was also both relatable and strange enough to be extremely engaging and his flaws made him very entertaining, also I think of the scene after the fight with the Manticore where he chats amiably with a bartender and only after that has a quiet mental breakdown over his drink at least once a week. I want to know more about his backstory soooooooo badly.

Nott :D

Sexuality Headcanon : As much as riot’s Beau/Nott headcanon does things for me, I must face the truth : in canon, Nott is incurably straight. Gender Headcanon : Clearly her womanhood is very important to her, but I don’t think she has the healthiest view of what being a woman entail. I just want her to be happy and not constantly doubting her worth T-T A ship I have with said character : Nott/Caleb, Nott/Yeza, Caleb/Nott/Yeza, Nott/Beau and my little crackship Nott/Yeza/Caduceus (and also Nott/Yasha is good, actually ?) A BROTP I have with said character : Caleb was the founder of the Nott stanning club, which demonstrates his good taste and perceptiveness. I also think the various revelations that came along the story made their relationship much less unbalanced and codependant, and thus stronger. But I’m also very partial to Jester and Nott’s friendship. They’re hilarious and sweet, and putting Laura and Sam next to each other was a stroke of genius. A NOTP I have with said character : uH... Nott/Yeza if it means Nott stops adventuring, I’m just not(t) ready for that. But other than that, I don’t have one A random headcanon : I’ve already written this one but like... if something she’s reading makes her feel too much feels she just. straight up it eat. She’s been like that since childhood. General Opinion over said character : ugh... she’s so good... she’s just a walking whirpool of contradictions, if walking whirlpools of contradictions were extremely smart and scientifically minded and fiercely protective of a chosen few people. I was ambivalent on the whole polymorph thing because i really, really love goblins (and have mixed feelings about my love for goblins, but let’s no go there tonight) but I love that she’s still her weird, abbrasive self. Also her design is fucking great. I really want to see her conflict between her desire to keep adventuring and her belief that she should just want to go back to her old life being explored even more than it already has, but if she does stop adventuring I will be heartbroken, I love her so much. EDIT because I was tired but I can’t believe I didn’t mention her voice, it’s so good ! Probably the first thing I loved about her.

thanks <3 <3 <3

[chcfasher]

okay i am so excited to get to plotting & interacting with all u cuties ! bare with me though , im also trying to study for a quiz i gotta take later tonight . anyways , i’m mia aka your resident masshole reporting for duty . i’m 20 years old ... will be 21 in june ( fingers crossed my Sad ass will be out of q*arentine by then ) . i go by she / her / dumb bitch pronouns & am very much so done talking about myself already . so lets get to my boy asher here who is ... how do you say ? a asshole ? a dirt bag ? a soft baby boi ? if you wanna plot & discord is easier for you shoot me a mssg @ 𝖒𝖌𝖐'𝖘 𝖜𝖍𝖔𝖗𝖊#9789 . lets goooo 💛

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐃𝐄𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐒

full name: asher james bennett nickname: ash , aj birthday: march 25 , 1996 zodiac: aries hometown: madison , wisconsin ( click here to see his parents house / childhood home ) current residence: los angeles , california ( although he lives in the villa with everyone , before the year away he lived on his own & still owns the home , both because he loves the place and because it gives his family somewhere to go when they come out click here to see his house ) vehicle: 2017 jeep wrangler rubicon in black ( click here ) , 2019 maserati granturismo in red ( click here ) gender: cismale orientation: heterosexual , heteromantic relationship status: single ( it’s complicated ) family: tamara marie bennett-abbott ( mother ) , harrison charles bennett ( father , deceased ) , mason billings abbott ( stepfather ) , bradford sawyer abbott ( brother ) , stephanie anne bennett ( sister )  education: vocational highschool graduating from the culinary program , graduated ucla with a bachelor in management with a minor in food studies occupation: celebrity chef , tv personality  net worth: 19.7m height: 5′11″ weight: 161lbs tattoos: left arm ( x , x ) , right arm ( x , x  , plus the butterfly tattoo jack has ) , right hand ( x ) , right thigh ( x ) , left leg ( x ) criminal record: arrested ( x6 ) - simple assault ( x2 ) , assault and battery ( x1 ) ,  disorderly conduct ( x2 ) , criminal mischief ( x1 ) , criminal trespassing ( x2 ) , minor in possession of alcohol ( x2 ) , drug possession ( x1 ) drugs / alochol / smoking: yes , mostly marijuana though / yes / no moral alignment: chaotic neutral hogwarts house: slytherin theme song: righteous by juice wrld (  a look at his mental health and the way it he attempts to cope ) & i am by james arthur ( deep dives into his view on himself and how outside opinions of him have effected the way he sees himself ) & empty space by james arthur ( instead of being about a girl this really encapsulates how the loss of his father has affected his life ) traits: charismatic , well-intentioned , affectionate , loyal , jocular , reckless , immature , flippant , short-tempered label: politicians son , miscreant , fuck boy , broken bird , mr. misunderstood , mama’s boy , epicure hidden talents: drawing , singing , master at rubiks cube , skilled card counter ( blackjack )

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃

asher was born just eleven months after his sister stephanie , to at the time lobbyist harrison bennett &  prosecutor tamara bennett . a menace as a child , he made dennis the menace look like a saint , basically . at first his parents hoped this was simply just a phase but as time went on it became very clear that  if it were a phase it was going on for much longer than his parents had hoped . his sister immediately taking on the spot of prodigal daughter , while asher took on the spot of black sheep of the family . this didn’t mean that his parents didn’t absolutely adore both of their children , because they did . both taking on daddy’s little girl & mama’s boy respectively , early on . 

around the time asher was seven both of his parents were up for office , his mother for district attorney & his father for u.s representative from wisconsin . the influx of cameras / eyes on the bennett family mixed with the level of stress both his parents were under completely put asher off from the world of politics . despite being in a family that had generational ties to politics on both sides . during a family appearance asher was captured on camera ( both video & photo ) putting up a piece sign behind his sisters head during a speech his father was giving . 

[ tw: death , suicide , loss of a parent ] when asher was twelve his father went on a boating trip with friend , call it a boys trip if you will . two days into the trip news broke of his father being in a major boating accident where harrison was the only one on the boat & was dead upon being found . it later was confirmed by the coroner that his death was likely a suicide .  the loss of harrison was hard on the entire family , it was easy to say it affected asher heavily having locked himself away in his bedroom for nearly a week only leaving his room to go to the bathroom & grab food that he’d return to his room to eat . later , when he returned to school he was suspended just in that school year three times . it was genuinely the beginning to the incredibly reckless version of asher , that we seen since .

despite his antics he played varsity football as a cornerback & varsity soccer as a midfielder . taking up sports at an early age , it was clear he was a born athlete who genuinely enjoyed a little competition . he also took an interest in culinary , he was very much so that kid standing on a step stool as he helped his parents in the kitchen . this interest turned into him attending a vocational / trade highschool instead of an ordinary public school , like he had in elementary & middle . 

when he was fifteen he started a youtube channel where he posted cook with me videos weekly & vlogged his experience within the culinary program at school .

during highschool his mom started getting serious with a professor at the local university . asher , of course , hated the idea of his mom replacing his dad and it took nearly two years & an engagement for him to actually sit down & listen to his mom about the situation . it wasn’t until then that he realized , mason , was supposed to replace his father ... it was simply his mom not allowing herself to get stuck in one place in life & fall into a spiral . once he actually heard her side he gave the guy a chance . turns out the two have alot in common & get along very well . he’ll never replace his father but he respects him none the less .

before he’d even graduated highschool , asher amassed over 1m subscribers , made appearances on the ellen degeneres show & rachel ray show . this was around the time he realized he wanted to turn his hobby into something more than that & hell he was good enough to do so . when graduation came , he’d already committed to attending ucla as a business major with a minor in food studies . 

soon after graduation he went on the show master chef , finishing as runner up , which was one hell of a feat given he’d been the youngest chef on the show . he enjoyed the experience & recognition the show gave him . 

while at ucla he continued to play football he was so good he was receiving national attention to the point where nfl scouts were looking at him . obviously he was still too young to go into the draft but they let him know , this was something that was more than on the table . it was definitely something he loved hearing but at the end of the day , the nfl was never really the goal for asher . so toward the end of his sophomore season when he was suspended for the rest of the season for getting arrested & charged with drug possession & criminal trespassing he took that as the excuse not to return the sport the following season .

this was not the first time ( we know it was not the last *wink wonk* ) asher was arrested . from the end of his middle school days throughout highschool he’d racked up four arrests . his first one taking place in eighth grade & the only reason the misdemeanor charges actually went through were because his mom asked for them to in hopes that it would scare asher from acting out in such a fashion ever again . unfortunately , his actions were rooted in much more than teen rebellion having never accepting or being able to cope with his father’s passing . the charges & arrests that would follow his mom was able to cover up & kind of bury them . that way word didn’t spread like wildfire about her reckless son .

not even a full year removed from football & he’d accepted a tv show offer from food network . a show called asher’s kitchen a primetime half-hour show where a new chef would come on each week if they beat asher in making a 3-course meal they win bragging rights & $20,000 , if they don’t they go home empty handed . despite the shows constant high ratings asher grew bored of the show & left after only two seasons . the network tried to replace him but quickly learned asher’s personality was what really carried the show .

in 2018 , he went on to open his first ever restaurant the smoking goat an american bistro with an upscale vibe in the heart of los angeles . the place is literally his baby & if you can’t find him you can bet your bottom dollar you’ll find him there . whether it’s catching up with regulars or big name celebrities coming through the doors , or throwing on a chef coat and cooking up some of his very own specials . 

around the time of his restaurant opening he started to let up on the youtube channel & it’s now been nearly two years since he’s uploaded & honestly has no intent on returning to the platform . in asher’s eyes , everything has a term limit & his youtube channels time was up .

𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟗 / 𝐑𝐀𝐃𝐈𝐎 𝐒𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄

the timing of his amsterdam arrest was to say the least , horrific . not only was he in talks with several networks ( fox , cbs , netflix , etc ) to have his own daytime food-focused talk show but his mother was at the beginning stages of her 2020 presidential campaign , which she had since put a halt to and decided to continue on with her tenure as a u.s senator from wisconsin . with the headlines of his arrest spreading like wildfire , the internet resurfaced many of his earlier transgressions , the networks inevitably put a halt to going any further in negotiation & the political realm began to turn their attention to the kind of parent the senator was to have a son so ... out of control ? her opposition questioning how she could run a country if she couldn’t so much as raise a law abiding son .

upon his release from jail he took a jet straight home to wisconsin . with the realization of how much harm he’d done to the bennett reputation he made the personal promise to stay away from the media ( no social media , no tv , nothing ) & be the son the political world expected from a politician . his mother ( who is emulated mostly after laura baker from all american ) nearly begged him not to halt his life as a way of personal punishment for his actions . but after months back home & away from the limelight , asher could see the tides turning back in his moms favor & no big network offer ( and there were quite a few that came his way after the news of his arrest subsided ) could pull him back out into the forefront . 

instead opening his second restaurant bennett’s  , an upscale bar & grill in the capital city of wisconsin . he also began work on a cook book that’s kind of taken on a life of it’s own but he’s yet to be anywhere close to finishing that . 

he has inevitably decided to come back & reunite with the bling ring a year later after his family sat him down & kind of had an intervention with him over his persistence to punish himself . claiming they feel he’s matured & gotten a good grasp on himself & that they don’t think he’ll fall into his bad behaviors again . ( spoiler alert: they’re going to be very wrong about this ... just saying / he’s going to return with the intent of being a better guy , being on the “ right track “ but lets be real it’s going to quickly spiral out of control as per usual ) . 

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘

as you can probably tell this boy is no good . he’s the guy your parents warn you about , i swear , he will get you into so much trouble & bask in the glory of being the one to give you such an adrenaline rush . he’s big on being here for a good time & not a long time . he just wants to have fun , at any cost . he’s extremely goofy , the kind of guy to whip out some mediocre wrestling moves on you for the sake of getting attention . he doesn’t take much seriously ... until he does ? what im saying is homeboy has one hell of a short temper and once he’s flipped his fuse , he basically blacks out . the reason for this is because no matter how happy & full of life he’d like to come off he has this deep well of anger that swells in him ever since he lost his dad . also a topic that can get him clenching his jaw , do not under any circumstances bring up harrison bennett . very much so a mama’s boy , though , catch him facetiming his mom once a day to tell her how much he loves her & see how she’s doing . he can come off very uncaring at times , it’s easy to say he’s probably one of the most misunderstood people around . he comes off like a douchebag , like someone who has little regard for others & don’t get me wrong he often is both of those things but he isn’t heartless ? when he has time to sit back and think about the damage he does ... it hits him like a mack truck & he goes into a pretty dark place of feeling like he’s a villain but he wants to be the hero of the story ? not very big on apologizing , verbally . if he says sorry you can bet a smug grin is following behind the words . instead he’s big on buying things & even cooking to show he’s sorry . probably not the best way to go about things but this is asher we’re talking about here . he is a flirt & will fuck anything . that’s all i have to say about that . onto his friends ? whew are his friends his world . he is a big proponent of bros before hoes & is an extremely loyal guy - to his friends . a true ride or die type a guy , he’d help he hide a dead body without any explanation at so what happened . a big move now ask questions later kinda dude .

𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

BREATHE BY JAMES ARTHUR : he has a soft spot for her . he always has . she’s one of the only girls who doesn’t drool over him , they’ve never hooked up to any extent and that’s due in large part to her telling him from the beginning that the only way she’d give him a chance was if he straightened up his act & proved to her that he was worth her time . if there is a girl out there who can asher for the better , it’s her . but everytime she thinks she’s gotten him on the right path , she catches him either acting out or reverting to his fuck boy ways & getting with girl’s who he doesn’t have to put so much work into .

SAME SQUAD BY P-LO : let’s be real these three originated “saturdays are for the boys” . they’ve been boys for as long as they can remember . if you see one of them around you can rest assured the other two are in the vicinity . they’re the best of friends . they know everything there is to know about each other . all a bit reckless , but that’s what makes them such a fun trio . a very homiesexual bond takes place between these three & nothing & nobody could get between them .

CLOSE FRIENDS BY LIL BABY & GUNNA : they were once good friends , things spiraled past the point of their control , lines got blurred & then they were dating . the relationship as a whole was one no one thought would last . to give them credit things were good at first but after he cheated & she found out from a friend about it things started to go down hill . things only got worse when he was persistent in lying to her about the situation . she inevitably took him back & not too much later the arrest in amsterdam happened . before he was even released from jail , she was sent a video of him & one of his friends talking about sleeping with a prostitute . although it never happened the fact that was his intent was enough for her . his expectation was that because she forgave him before she’d wipe away the pain of him once again not having regard for their relationship & forgive him but she just couldn’t . when he came out to her forwarding the video to him , he decided to ignore the situation completely . the two have not had any contact for nearly a year & never really broke up or spoke about the situation . 

NO FRAUDS BY NICKI MINAJ & DRAKE & LIL WAYNE : the perfect ride or die squad . the media likes to say someone in the trio is dating at any point in time but , that’s just not the case . these three are always getting into something . the true depiction of always having your friends back . they will lie for each other , fight for each other , anything to prove their loyalty to each other .  

i also have some musing posts here , if you want to give that a look !

[theres-a-goldensky]

32 + 6 Good Omens Fic Recs

There have been so many good stories to come out of the Good Omens fandom that I thought I should finally go about making a rec list and give credit to the ones that have given me the most joy.

As ever, feel free to reblog and check out my other rec lists for the following fandoms:

The Untamed list one and two - various pairings, mostly Wangxian

IT chapter 2 list one and two - Reddie

Various BL Series fic (fandoms: Love By Chance, TharnType, 2Moons series, My Engineer, Until We Meet Again, 2gether, History3: Trapped)

Or just head over to my bookmarks on AO3.

All fics are completed. All fics are Aziraphale/Crowley.

** denotes a favorite

1. you knew my name on sight by brinnanza - “This wasn’t me, you know,” Crowley says, the words out of his mouth before he’s made the conscious choice to utter them. “Not just the library, but the whole civil war. You know me; I’ve mostly been getting drunk at Bacchanals.”

“I know,” says Aziraphale. (general, 8,300 words)

Reccer’s note: Aziraphale knows Crowley, perhaps even better than he knows himself. This is a bittersweet story about two human shaped-beings who love the Earth, even when it hurts.

2. End with Hope by PepperPrints - In 537 A.D., the Black Knight enters King Arthur's Tournament of Champions, with quite disastrous consequences, and Sir Aziraphale of the Round Table takes it upon himself to intervene -- which, naturally, also turns out to be quite disastrous in itself. (explicit, 15,888 words)

Reccer’s note: Such great pining from Crowley here. This is a really meaty story with a satisfying ending and a gorgeous sex scene, but it definitely leaves me wishing for a modern sequel to see what happens next.

3. Fraternizing by kalpurna - Aziraphale has an unexpected house guest. Crowley disapproves. (explicit, 5,720 words)

Reccer’s note: A curious young angel comes down from Heaven to investigate what things are like on Earth. He asks a lot of very...awkward questions about Aziraphale and Crowley’s relationship. It seems to diverge from canon in that Heaven knows about Aziraphale working with Crowley and sort of looks the other way.

4.  Some strangeness in the proportion by trailingoff -  ‘I assume your punishment involved the destruction of the demon, but I am not aware of the details,’ says the Angel. ‘The description was redacted from your file and labelled “Highly Classified” with a red stamp.’

*Aziraphale is trying to mourn in peace, but the cause of his grief keeps bothering him. (teen, 11,461 words)

Reccer’s note: Heavy angst warning. This one hurt, but in the best way. Angst with a happy ending. Gabriel figures out the best way to hurt Aziraphale: he makes Crowley into another soulless angel. This story contains grieving and suicidal ideation and attempted suicide. Aziraphale does not take Crowley’s passing well.

5. In Style by shinyopals -  ‘You can’t get kidnapped by the forces of Hell looking like that!’ insists Crowley. ‘I have certain standards to maintain!’

Letting someone else drive your body is weird enough without them accidentally ruining your look. Luckily Crowley's around to fix things. (general, 2,124 words)

Reccer’s note: I am an absolute sucker for stories about playing with hair or massage or any kind of pleasant, comforting touching, and this is a great one. I liked Crowley’s voice in this, and the whole thing was very sweet and cozy.

6. Birds of a Feather by idiopathicsmile -  “Isn’t this nice?” says Aziraphale with badly feigned casualness the next time Crowley stops by for a late night drink.

Crowley is all set to reply, words lined up in his mouth waiting to go, when Aziraphale adds, “I mean, all of the books and furniture and bottles of wine and things?”

Aziraphale nests. Crowley relearns some crucial facts about angelic courtship rituals. (teen, 3608 words)

Reccer’s note: Aziraphale decides to go all in on courting Crowley, but Crowley is entirely befuddled by what is happening. Some nice mutual pining here, followed by a bit of supernatural, glowy sex.

7. By Definition by idiopathicsmile - Aziraphale has certainly dabbled in the world of carnal delights over the years, most notably in the late nineteenth century, when a certain infernal adversary was enjoying a century-long nap and seemingly the only way to pass the time had been to develop some hobbies.  (explicit, 3074 words)

Reccer’s note: Aziraphale is not that into sex, but he’s VERY into Crowley and watching him come apart beneath him. And Crowley is VERY interested in, you know, having that happen. So things work out quite nicely. Even though the physical sensations of sex don’t do much for him, the author does a nice job of showing how Aziraphale still luxuriates in watching Crowley. It’s super hot. Crowley agrees.

8. I am not scared of the elements by sparklespiff - After the loveliest meal of his entire existence, Aziraphale followed Crowley back to the Bentley. He wondered if it would be too forward to try to hold Crowley's free hand, or if he ought to wait for Crowley to reach out. Probably he should wait. Crowley had done the asking, after all, and would better know what he was doing. And anyway, riding in the Bentley was dangerous enough without removing one of Crowley's hands from doing something theoretically necessary for the operation of an automobile. 

or: Two occult/ethereal beings with one (1) brain cell between them attempt to end 6000 years of pining. (general, 3609 words)

Reccer’s note: Aziraphale thinks it’s go time after the events of the show, but Crowley believes that Aziraphale has once again put on the brakes. They’re working at cross-purposes, but they both want the same thing. Eventually it all works out.

9. attachment by artenon - 1941. Crowley is hurt more than he lets on from walking on the consecrated ground of the church. Aziraphale takes care of him while grappling with the realization that he's in love with Crowley. (teen, 4455 words)

A bit of mild hurt/comfort. It’s always nice when stories have Aziraphale helping Crowley, because it’s often the other way around. And you can never go wrong with a good h/c.

10. speeding up by tamerofdarkstars - Crowley stopped calculating the minute shifts required to bring his knee into contact with Aziraphale’s and looked instead at the divine being next to him currently licking butter off his fingers.

“Wait. You picked this because you thought I’d like it?” (general, 1725 words)

Reccer’s note: This is one of the shortest fics on the list, but what it lacks in length, it makes up for in utter preciousness. So many pure ‘what if I held his hand??’ thoughts.

11.** Five Times Crowley Fails To Demonically Seduce Anyone, And One Time He Doesn't Need To by shinyopals -  'I need you to tell me how to find a human willing to have sex with me, and then how to persuade them to actually do it in the least unpleasant way possible for everyone involved. If I don’t manage at least one seduction, I’m going to get recalled back Down There.’ 

Aziraphale stared at Crowley for a moment. ‘I think…’ he said delicately, ‘that we should have that drink.’ (mature, 11,166 words)

Reccer’s note: Oh, the feelings. The feelings. Crowley is forced by Hell to engage in some human seduction, when all he wants to do is be seduced by Aziraphale. The pining. The light angst. The gorgeous ending. Read this story.

12. ** Anywhere You Want to Go by Aria -  Aziraphale knew Crowley liked him. He'd known it with a horrible clarity since around 1100, which was at least a thousand years after the first time he'd thought of kissing Crowley, and some eight hundred and odd before it occurred to him that the specific quality of Crowley's regard could be very dangerous for both of them, if they actually admitted their feelings aloud.

It was also two weeks since any of that had mattered at all anymore. (explicit, 9990 words)

Reccer’s note: I wish this story was about 10,000 words longer. The sweet and slow coming together here is lovely. This is a South Downs cottage story, where, after everything, Aziraphale is finally ready to face his feelings for Crowley and Crowley’s feelings for him in return. Crowley’s disbelieving, besotted, overwhelmed reaction is my new favorite thing in this fandom.

13. human childcare for the occult (and ethereal) by suzukiblu - The Dowlings miraculously need a nanny and a gardener at the same time, and Aziraphale suggests they flip for it. Crowley takes one moment to picture Aziraphale nannying anyone and calls dibs. It’s not that Aziraphale’s terrible with humans, he’s just, well. Terrible with humans. Truly, truly terrible.

He doesn’t want to deal with Aziraphale getting metaphorically guillotined or kicking up security’s paranoia, basically. A gardener can be a little odd, and no one will notice or care. Except Warlock, perhaps, as the only other person with any real reason to spend much time out on the lawn, but Warlock’s the one they want noticing so that’ll be fine, Crowley’s sure.

Even if it does make him cringe a little, leaving Aziraphale in charge of the plants. (general, 11,954 words)

Reccer’s note: As with all nanny/gardener stories, you need to mentally erase Aziraphale’s horrifying gardener disguise from your brain in order to enjoy this. But this tale of Crowley and Aziraphale becoming “godfathers” to Warlock and making a cozy little life together at the Dowlings is wonderful.

14. Naps and Other Surprises by out_there - The angel is a surprisingly good kisser. All soft lips and gentle sighs, and the careful graze of fingertips along Crowley's jaw. But there's also the scrape of fingernails at the nape of his neck, the pins and needles shiver it sends down his spine, the slightest catch of teeth on his lower lip. (explicit, 4,312 words)

Reccer’s note: Another slow and cozy fic that starts with Aziraphale slowly and carefully giving Crowley a massage and ends with him slowly and carefully eating Crowley out. Pretty nice day for Crowley tbh.

15 & 16. Ineffable Endearments series by TheLadyZephyr - So far this series includes two stories: Four times Crowley called Aziraphale "sweetheart" without noticing (and One time he did) and Four times Crowley fails to cope with Aziraphale using a pet name (and One time he starts to get used to it)

(not rated, 6,130 words total for the series)

Reccer’s note: Look, if you’re going to do the pet names things, I think you have to really lean into it, and that’s what this author does. It’s sweet how adorably flustered they each get in these stories. So fluffy.

17. An Angel who did not so much Fall In Love as Settle Into It Gradually by TheLadyZephyr - Crowley was standing in the middle of the room, hands in his pockets, looking a little lost. Aziraphale eyed the distance between them. Five steps. Five steps, and six thousand years, and a battlefield spanning an eternity.

The story of the little moments over the millennia that shape an angel’s regard for a demon, and the way he slowly, with great reluctance but inevitable surety, falls in love. (general, 7,548 words)

Reccer’s note: I wish more stories would span the centuries the way that this one does. There’s so much material ripe for a good love story in it, and this author seems to understand that. Slow burn that I wish was a little slower, but still left me satisfied, especially the kiss at the end, when Aziraphale literally says “fuck it.”

18. get religion quick (cause you're looking divine) by brinnanza - So it was fine. Even if Crowley couldn’t love him, he clearly liked him well enough, and that was almost the same thing.

It no doubt would have continued to be fine, or at least fine-adjacent, were it not for a narrowly averted apocalypse and several bottles of a really quite nice Riesling Aziraphale had found in the back room of his newly restored bookshop. (general, 4,285 words)

Reccer’s note: Why, why, why aren’t there more stories with Aziraphale being sure that Crowley can’t love him? This is wonderful seeing the pining from the other side. And of course Aziraphale is completely wrong and completely silly, but that just makes it better. Stars in my eyes for this one.

19. Wings and How to Hide Them by triedunture - Crowley's been annoyingly in love for six thousand years. What's another lifetime between friends? 

Or: Aziraphale definitely fucks and isn't that just perfect?  (Mature,10,134 words)

Reccer’s note: Crowley knows that Aziraphale has sex, so he assumes it must just be him he doesn’t want. Aziraphale, meanwhile, assumes that Crowley just isn’t Into That. 6000 years of Crowley pining. I will honestly never get enough of this trope. Not ever. I will die wanting more.

20. the first week of the rest of their lives by Deputychairman - “Port gives the worst hangovers in the world, did you know that?” Crowley slurred when the bottle was all gone. “Don’t know who got credit for that one. Nice drink, lovely drink, shame it makes you want to die in the morning.”

“Such a shame,” Aziraphale agreed sadly, watching Crowley stretch out on his sofa. He did like port. He liked Crowley stretched out on his sofa, too. (mature, 4,618 words)

Reccer’s note: The world doesn’t end, but Aziraphale needs a bit of time to ease himself into the idea of a life with Crowley. Crowley obliges him, as ever. I like the way that the sex feels inevitable here, like they’re just falling naturally into it. I also like that Crowley is the one to ravish Aziraphale first.

21. Not So Blue by pineapplecrushface - Aziraphale presses his suit. Crowley mostly has a lot of questions. (mature, 5,501 words)

Reccer’s note: After the events of the show, things start to change and Crowley doesn’t know if he’s quite ready for it. The way that Crowley comes to recognize Aziraphale’s feelings for what they are was so beautiful.

22. Almost Human Moments by shinyopals - The fact that Crowley's largest contribution to saving the world had been to encourage a scared child was an uncomfortable fact that he was endeavouring to bottle up. He was actually doing quite well at bottling it up because of all the other uncomfortable facts he was currently dealing with that he couldn’t even begin to figure out how to bottle up.  

Such as: Hell was going to find him, and make him pay.

After the Apocalypse-that-wasn't, Crowley broods, Aziraphale thinks, and somehow they manage to muddle through. (teen, 6,701 words)

Reccer’s note: The visceral and immediate reaction that Crowley has to the idea of Aziraphale going down to Hell was so lovely. There’s also some very intense hand holding that really pushes my buttons. The world needs more desperate hand holding.

23. ** Ever After by ArabellaFaith - We all know they're in love. But maybe, now that the head offices are off their backs, Crowley and Aziraphale can actually DO something about it.

A rambling descent into love confessions, sexual exploration, and what it means for these two to live happily ever after. (explicit, 16,450 words)

Reccer’s note: So much sex. So much really, really good sex. Desperate sex. First time sex. Sex with feelings Is there anything better in fanfic? I really don’t think so.

24 & 25. ** It’s Not The End of the World, Dear series by jessthereckless -  Series includes two stories so far: Lie Back And Think Of Dinner and Still My Heart Has Wings

After averting the apocalypse, Crowley and Aziraphale re-examine their relationship and reach the obvious conclusion: they're retired, they're in love and they're damn well going to enjoy it. Providing, of course, that they can stay out of trouble. (mature, 20,745 words total for the series)

Reccer’s note: WHY ISN’T THERE MORE MAGICAL SEX IN THIS FANDOM? I want literally earth-shattering orgasms, give them to me, people. These stories are so good, because the author packs so much feeling and sensuality into every agonized scene between them. There’s desperation, there’s so much love, and there’s really weird-but-hot sex.

26. Taking the Liberty by CartWrite - After swapping bodies (but before their respective sides come for them), Aziraphale spends the night in Crowley's flat trying to figure out how to talk, walk, and be convincing as Crowley. Trouble is, he's such a convincing Crowley, he starts to convince himself to... well. Things get out of hand. (explicit, 3,463 words)

Reccer’s note: Is it really masturbation if you’re bodyswapped with the guy you’ve spent 6000 years pretending not to be obsessed with? Asking for a friend.

27. a city wall and a trampoline by kafkian - In their cottage in the South Downs, when Crowley eventually succeeds in getting Aziraphale to use a laptop, it takes Aziraphale literal hours to get past the default Windows screensavers of picturesque locations because 'oh, look, isn't it lovely, Crowley!'

5 times Crowley knows he’s in love with Aziraphale + 1 time he knows the reverse. (teen, 4,727 words)

Reccer’s note: Crowley just being so endlessly fond of Aziraphale fills me with so much joy. And it’s here again. It’s technically five times that he knows he’s in love with Aziraphale, but it’s also five times that Crowley tries so hard to make Aziraphale happy.

28. A Home at the Beginning of the World by stereobone - "Oh," Aziraphale says. "I think Crowley might have moved in with me." (explicit, 5,867 words)

Reccer’s note: A visit with Anathema and Newt helps Aziraphale realize some very clear things that he’s been missing.

29. Too Generous by rfsmiley - “You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged; but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever.”

Or: what happened after the [ we all got hit by a ] bus scene (aka "you could stay at my place, if you like")....(teen, 1,501 words)

Reccer’s note: Crowley offers Aziraphale the bed, and Aziraphale suggests that there would be room for two. Contains slinky Crowley, which there should just be more of in the world.

30. His Banner Over Me by pineapplecrushface - Three of Aziraphale's excellent ideas, and how Crowley (very casually) obliges him, as a friend does. (explicit, 5475 words)

Reccer’s note: Handjobs. Just...truly excellent mutual handjobs. \

+6

And finally, because this is my blog and I can, here is a list of my own stories for after you finish all the recs above:

1. The Seduction Malfunction - “Disguise yourself,” Hastur said. “Pretend you’re a priest, or better yet, an altar boy. Their lot can’t resist an altar boy.”  

Crowley held in a hysterical bubble of laughter as he imagined Aziraphale’s horrified face at being confronted with Crowley disguised as a lascivious altar boy. He’d feed him soup and give him a good talking to before sending him on his way.

Crowley gets orders to seduce Aziraphale to the dark side. It goes about as well as you might expect. (teen, 5,441 words)

2. Transference - There was always a low level hum of attraction and lust in the air when Crowley was around. In fact, Aziraphale couldn’t recall a single time, after their first meeting on the wall, when he hadn’t watched Crowley dazzle and transfix every poor human that they encountered. He’d even seen Eve give him the eye when he was in his human form, back in the day, and she’d been with child at the time.   

Aziraphale couldn’t blame them for falling victim to Crowley’s considerable wiles. He was a demon, after all. Tempting was in the job description. Plus, he’d clearly designed his human form to be utterly irresistible to all humans, from his eye-catching hair down to his stylish clothing. It was overkill, if you asked Aziraphale. But then, he supposed, overkill wasn’t really a thing with demons.

Aziraphale would win a gold medal in Mental Gymnastics. (mature, 4,282 words)

3. Step in the Bright Lights - The angel was holding court on the walking path surrounded by a passel of small children and their bored parents. He wore an absolutely ridiculous magician’s costume, complete with a top hat, cape, black wand, and a painted on mustache above his upper lip that had Crowley recoiling in horror. On a table in front of Aziraphale was a sign that proclaimed: THE AMAZING MISTER FELL AND HIS REMARKABLE FEATS OF PRESTIDIGITATION.  

He almost turned right around, but then Aziraphale spotted him and waved enthusiastically, stopping in the middle of a bit involving some handkerchiefs coming out of his sleeve to greet him. 

“Oh, look, children! It’s the Amazing Mr. Fell’s very special assistant, Signor Crowley!”

Aziraphale picks up some new hobbies. Crowley has no chill. (teen, 3,311 words)

4. Something To Talk About - He had the sudden and almost overwhelming desire to reach out and take Crowley’s hand. An absurd notion, of course. In 6000 years, Crowley had never shown any inclination towards physical affection for Aziraphale, despite their shared feelings. Aziraphale had long ago accepted that any gentle touch from him would have Crowley stepping hastily away and otherwise ignoring Aziraphale’s attempts. Or at least he had accepted it, until their delicate status quo had been disrupted.

Aziraphale jumps to some very inaccurate conclusions. (explicit, 3,664 words)

5. To Rest My Weary Soul - “Are you saying I feel like this because of my time in Hell? I thought you meant moral consequences.” 

“Since when do I give a toss about moral consequences, angel? No, you’ve got a Hell hangover. Must have hit once the adrenaline wore off,” Crowley answered.

“Hell hangover?” Aziraphale repeated incredulously.

Aziraphale's trip down to Hell leaves him worse for wear. (teen, 3,945 words)

Bonus: Podfic by FayJay

6. Taking the Long Way - Crawley nodded down at the sweaty humans undulating in a frightfully uncomfortable-looking position below them. “Mating,” he clarified. “One of God’s better ideas, if you ask me. Looks like it could be fun.”

“Does it?” Aziraphale asked doubtfully. “It’s all a bit sticky for my tastes. I think She had the right of it with plants. Pollination seems much more sensible.”

It takes Aziraphale 6000 years to catch up. (explicit, 6,919 words)

[jackdawyt]

Following Jason Schreier's continued BioWare story, we have direct insight from many BioWare employees regarding the initial Dragon Age 4 BioWare were going to create code named 'Joplin' and envisioned by Mike Laidlaw, against the now in production Dragon Age project that has been code named 'Morrison'.  

Last time we talked about both projects - Joplin and Morrison, equally named after their respected music artists who died at the age of 27, but were both known for revolutionizing their respected industry.

This latest report examines everything that Joplin was going to be regarding the future of the next Dragon Age title.

Let's now delve into the potential game that Dragon Age 4 initially was going to be, before it was rebooted for Anthem and Andromeda's developments.

As I quote:

The plan for Joplin was exciting, say people who worked on it. First and foremost, they already had many tools and production pipelines in place after Inquisition, ones that they hoped to improve and continue using for this new project.

They committed to prototyping ideas early and often, testing as quickly as possible rather than waiting until everything was on fire, as they had done the last time thanks to the glut of people and Frostbite’s difficulties.

“Everyone in project leadership agreed that we couldn’t do that again, and worked to avoid the kind of things that had led to problems,” said one person who worked on the project, explaining that some of the big changes included:

1) Laying down a clear vision as early as possible.

2) Maintaining regular on-boarding documents and procedures so new team members could get up to speed fast; and

3) A decision-making mentality where “we acknowledged that making the second-best choice was far, far better than not deciding and letting ambiguity stick around while people waited for a decision.”

(That person, like all of the sources for this story, spoke under condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to talk about their experiences.)

Prepare the tears for this next quote guys....

Another former BioWare developer who worked on Joplin called it “some of the best work experiences” they’d ever had. “We were working towards something very cool, a hugely reactive game, smaller in scope than Dragon Age: Inquisition but much larger in player choice, followers, reactivity, and depth,” they said. “I’m sad that game will never get made.”

You’d play as a group of spies in Tevinter Imperium, a wizard-ruled country on the north end of Dragon Age’s main continent, Thedas. The goal was to focus as much as possible on choice and consequence, with smaller areas and fewer fetch quests than Dragon Age: Inquisition.

(In other words, they wanted Joplin to be the opposite of the Hinterlands.) There was an emphasis on “repeat play,” one developer said, noting that they wanted to make areas that changed over time and missions that branched in interesting ways based on your decisions, to the point where you could even get “non-standard game overs” if you followed certain paths.

A large chunk of Joplin would center on heists. The developers talked about building systemic narrative mechanics, allowing the player to perform actions like persuading or extorting guards without the writers having to hand-craft every scene.

It was all very ambitious and very early, and would have no doubt changed drastically once Joplin entered production, but members of the team say they were thrilled about the possibilities.

The first big hiccup came in late 2016, when BioWare put Joplin on hold and moved the entire team onto the troubled Mass Effect: Andromeda, which needed as many hands as possible during its final months of development.

The Joplin team expanded with people who were rolling off Andromeda and kept working, prototyping, and designing the game. After spending months of their lives helping finish a Mass Effect that didn’t excite a ton of people, it was nice to return to Dragon Age.

One thing that wasn’t discussed much on Joplin was multiplayer, according to a few people who worked on the project, which is perhaps why the project couldn’t last.

By the latter half of 2017, Anthem was in real trouble, and there was concern that it might never be finished unless the studio did something drastic.

In October of 2017, not long after veteran Mass Effect director Casey Hudson returned to the studio to take over as general manager, EA and BioWare took that drastic action, canceling Joplin and moving the bulk of its staff, including executive producer Mark Darrah, onto Anthem.

A tiny team stuck around to work on a brand new Dragon Age 4, code-named Morrison, that would be built on Anthem’s tools and code base. It’s the game being made now. Unlike Joplin, this new version of the fourth Dragon Age is planned with a live service component, built for long-term gameplay and revenue.

One promise from management, according to a developer, was that in EA’s balance sheet, they’d be starting from scratch and not burdened with the two years of money that Joplin had already spent. Question was, how many of those ideas and prototypes would they use?

It’s not clear how much of Joplin’s vision will shape Morrison (at least some of it will, says one person on the game), but shortly after the reboot, creative director Mike Laidlaw left, as did some other veteran Dragon Agestaff.

Matt Goldman, art director on Dragon Age: Inquisition and then Joplin, took over as creative director for Morrison, while Darrah remained executive producer on both that project and Anthem.

In early 2018, when I first reported that BioWare had rebooted the next Dragon Age and that its replacement would be a live service game, studio GM Casey Hudson responded on Twitter.

“Reading lots of feedback regarding Dragon Age, and I think you’ll be relieved to see what the team is working on. Story & character focused. Too early to talk details, but when we talk about ‘live’ it just means designing a game for continued storytelling after the main story.”

The game is still very early in development and could evolve based on the negative reception to Anthem. Rumor among BioWare circles for the past year has been that Morrison is “Anthem with dragons”—a snarky label conveyed to me by several people—but a couple of current BioWare employees have waved me off that description.

“The idea was that Anthem would be the online game and that Dragon Age and Mass Effect, while they may experiment with online portions, that’s not what defines them as franchises,” said one. “I don’t think you’ll see us completely change those franchises.”

When asked, a few BioWare developers agreed that it’d be technically possible for a game built on Anthem’s codebase to also have an offline branch, but it’s not yet clear whether Morrison will take that approach. If it does turn out to be an online game, which seems likely, it would be shocking if you couldn’t play the bulk of it by yourself.

(Diablo III, for example, is online-only on PC yet can be played entirely solo.)

One person close to the game told me this week that Morrison’s critical path, or main story, would be designed for single-player and that goal of the multiplayer elements would be to keep people engaged so that they would actually stick with post-launch content.

Single-player downloadable content like Dragon Age: Inquisition’s Trespasser, while often excellent, typically sells only a fraction of the main game, according to developers from BioWare and elsewhere across the industry.

Yet this wouldn’t be a “live service” game if it was a repeat of Dragon Age: Inquisition, which compartmentalized its single- and multiplayer modes.

Fans in the past have grown outraged at the idea of BioWare putting a lot of emphasis on multiplayer gaming, but there are ways in which a service-heavy Dragon Age 4 could be ambitious and impressive.

For example, some ideas I’ve heard floated for Morrison’s multiplayer include companions that can be controlled by multiple players via drop-in/drop-out co-op, similar to old-school BioWare RPGs like Baldur’s Gate, and quests that could change based not just on one player’s decisions, but on the choices of players across the globe.

Maybe in two or three years, Morrison will look completely different. It’s not like Dragon Age hasn’t changed drastically in the past. In the office, BioWare developers often refer to Mark Darrah’s Dragon Age team as a pirate ship, one that will eventually wind up at its destination, but not before meandering from port to port, drinking as much rum as possible along the way.

His is a team that, in the past, has iterated and changed direction constantly—something that they hoped to cut down for Joplin, but has always been part of their DNA (and, it should be noted, heavy iteration is common in all game development).

One BioWare employee summed it up well as we talked about the future of BioWare’s fantasy franchise. “Keep in mind,” they said, “Dragon Age games shift more than other games.

”Said another current BioWare employee about Morrison: “They have a lot of unanswered questions. Plus I know it’s going to change like five times in the next two years.”

There are other questions remaining, too: With BioWare’s Austin office gradually taking over Anthem going forward, when will the bulk of employees at the company’s Edmonton HQ move to the Morrison team?

Will Morrison be able to avoid following the lead of Dragon Age: Inquisition, which took on too many people too early and wound up suffering as a result?

And, most important, will BioWare work to prevent the burnout that has led to dozens of developers leaving over the past two years, with so many citing stress, depression, and anxiety?

End of article, so my thoughts on this, of course, I have my worries especially regarding the multiplayer part, it was to my knowledge that there is a separate Dragon Age team working on the multiplayer component completely estranged from the core team.

I hope that this is still the case, however, it's EA that're the ones who plaque BioWare to incorporate multiplayer and live-service.  

Honestly the biggest concern here is how much of Joplin's original vision and resources are going to be put into Morrison's production, because the description of Joplin is everything I've wanted in a Dragon Age game following from Inquisition.

To hear that this initial game has been canned is heart-wrenching, any signs of Joplin's ashes in Morrison is all I can hope for.

Hope is all we really have right now regarding the future of Dragon Age, and don't forget Mass Effect, which is also going to affected by this too.

Of course, I have my worries. But I am hopeful for what the Dragon Age team can do, and I feel to fear when we still haven't seen the game yet is a little blind-sighted. Who knows when we will see or hear anything, I imagine we may see something on EA Play's live-streams next June, just before E3, but honestly, I'm not sure!

The next Dragon Age project is expected to release within 2-3 years from now, all we can hope for next is a reveal of some-sorts, like a title or development update.

It would be incredible if BioWare could come out and share some insight on what the heck is going on with the next Dragon Age, like a development diary which they did with Mass Effect: Andromeda.

To get a glimpse of this next game and the vision for it is what we in the BioWare fandom all need right now. To know what is going on with the next Dragon Age and how true it will stick to Joplin's original vision.

But until we do hear something, like always, you're already in the right place...