#it's like all of the camp from buffy without any of the charm

[softr0bot]

after buffy season 3, contrary to popular belief, angel becomes more morally grey and fucked up. he crawls around in the mud and seethes and maybe kills a couple of guys. he certainly does not start a detective troupe or become an awkward dad figure where the hell did that come from

[lgbtyrus]

TJ’s Playlist (Final Ep Anniversary Bonus)

So it's been a year since I cried to the finale because tyrus was canon, and I wanted to travel back in time to some of the happiest memories I had because of this show. I had a thing in Macaroni's POV, but it was a little lame and didn't want to finish it so I went this route instead. It's also always bothered me that this story ended on 19 chapters, and I thought this was the perfect chance to even it out with a perfect 20. If you're reading this, I love you very much and thank you for coming back (or getting here for the first time). Goodbye to TJ's Playlist for real now <3 

Ao3 Link | Wattpad Link

-

TJ ran down the hall, pushing by students who couldn’t get out of his way fast enough. It was the last day of middle school, and everyone was lingering behind to say goodbye to their friends who might go to a different high school. TJ had been doing the same before remembering he had promised Cyrus he would meet him up front.

Cyrus was standing with Buffy and Marty, laughing at something one of them said when TJ caught up. “Hi,” TJ told him, bending over to catch his breath. “Sorry I’m late. I forgot how fast time can go.”

“It’s fine.” Cyrus smiled. “I wasn’t going to leave without you.” Cyrus reached over to hold TJ’s hand, making him smile.

Buffy said to Cyrus with a grin, “So yard sale?” Cyrus’s neighborhood had a large yard sale once a year, and they chose the last day of school to do it. Cyrus’ parents invited all of them to take their things to sell.

“Yes! Come by with anything you want to get rid of,” Cyrus replied. “I’m so excited. It feels like a cleanse and the first step into high school.”

“Can’t wait,” Buffy said. “I’m going to stop by home first for my stuff, pick up Andi, and meet you guys there.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Cyrus said and gave her a thumbs up. They said bye to Marty and Buffy who walked off holding hands, leaving TJ with his boyfriend. Cyrus turned to look at him and asked, “So. Did you think about it?”

TJ bit at the inside of his cheek for a moment. “I did.”

“And?”

“I think I’m going to sell them.”

Cyrus jumped up. “Yes? Really?”

“Just the repeats!” TJ smiled, taking a step back to avoid getting stepped on.

“Yes, that’s amazing. That’s perfect. The people in the neighborhood are going to love you,” Cyrus said. “We’ll look up the value of every single one before we set them out.”

“Already did that. That’s actually the reason why I decided to sell them.”

“Are they worth a lot?”

“Not as much as the cameras would be, but it’s a decent amount of money to pay for basketball camp.” TJ and Cyrus started walking away from their now former middle school, not looking back.

“How long would you be gone for?” Cyrus asked him.

“Three weeks. We can handle that, right?” TJ asked him, squeezing his hand. The coach at Grant High School recommended he go to basketball camp to secure a spot on the varsity team the next year, but it was a little pricey even with both of his parents working at the time.

“Of course.” Cyrus squeezed his hands back, smiling at him. “Let’s go get your things.” After going through his GG’s stuff for the first time, TJ realized there was a lot of valuable items that included comic books and vinyls. He was letting go of all the comic books because he wasn’t interested in that, but he didn’t have the desire to let go of any music. There was more vinyl’s in the attic than he realized and even though he didn’t have a player, he wanted them for the day he did have one.

Cyrus was talking to TJ about his last day of dance and how he wasn’t looking forward to regular PE at all as they headed to the Kippen’s house. “I need to have PE with Buffy at all costs next year. If not, I’ll definitely get picked last for every team.”

“You’re already stressed out for PE next year?” TJ snickered. He knew Cyrus well enough at this point to know his fear of public humiliation in PE was insurmountable “You need to relax a little. It’s summer break.”

“I know, but I tend to plan every minute of my future and PE is an inevitable part of it.”

“Let’s make a deal. You put off thinking about PE until a month before school, and I’ll let you be there when I get my report card in the mail.” TJ liked to open his report card alone considering he has done really bad in math in the past, but Cyrus really wanted to see how much TJ had improved now that he had a proper tutor.

Cyrus hummed to himself before saying, “Deal. But only because I can’t wait to see the look on your face when you see how well you did.”

“My C average does bring out my best smile.”

“All of your smiles are your best smiles.”

“You literally told me my dancing to old music is my best smile.”

“It’s a little biased because you dance with me.”

“It does make me smile when you slow dance with me,” TJ admitted to him. Cyrus smiled, blushing at the comment and making TJ’s heart skip a beat. There hadn’t been a single day where TJ doubted his feelings for him.

-

They got to the Kippen’s empty house, Macaroni the cat waiting in the yard. He was jumping after a grasshopper before he saw Cyrus and TJ come up. He ran to Cyrus and meowed, making him grin. “Hello, friend,” Cyrus said as he bent over to pick him up.

“Needy,” TJ muttered to Macaroni as he roughly petted his ears. Macaroni swatted at TJ who pulled his hand away on time.

Cyrus held Macaroni closer and said, “You have to be gentle with him. He’s old.”

“He’s okay,” TJ said, sticking his tongue out at the cat. He went to go unlock the door while Cyrus asked Macaroni about his day. The cat simply purred in his arms.

Inside, Cyrus put him down and followed TJ without asking upstairs to his room, little footprints tapping against the wood floors. Cyrus felt like the Kippen’s gothic house was his second home. It was Halloween themed according to his parents, but he liked the charm it gave off. TJ’s parents were younger than his after all and when the air was clear, it was fun to be there.

TJ had two boxes on the floor ready to go. “Can you take the vinyl one? It’s lighter,” TJ asked Cyrus as he picked up a box.

“For sure,” Cyrus said. He got the box and looked around the room that seemed to be more crowded as TJ dug out things from the attic. It made Cyrus smile every time TJ called him with a new discovery. A new photo album from the 70s. More polaroid photos he took of TJ and Amber when they were little. A random trinket TJ thought was cool. One time he didn’t find anything of his GG’s. He found a bunch of new t-shirts from his dad’s old band and a few CD’s TJ couldn’t stop laughing at for an hour. His dad was in makeup that really did make him look like a vampire.

Cyrus said goodbye to Macaroni who rubbed against his leg before walking out with TJ and walking down to his house. Around the block, people already had their yard sales open and people from all over Shadyside were visiting there. Even though TJ lived so close to him, his neighborhood seemed to be a completely different world from his. TJ didn’t know his next door neighbors, and he had just found out a month ago that Marty had lived across the street from him practically his entire life.

They got to Cyrus’ house where his parents had set out tables. Cyrus’ old toys and clothes were out and ready to go to new homes. He gave up most of his children’s books, but he kept a few favorites just in case he ever had kids to read them to one day. “You’re selling all your Pokemon cards?” TJ asked him as he set his box on an empty table.

“There will be someone who appreciates them more.” Cyrus then added, “They’re also fake.”

“Dollar store packets?” TJ smiled knowingly.

“Yes!” Cyrus laughed. “I always wondered why the ones at Kmart were more expensive and now I know why.”

“They were still fun to play with, though.”

“I honestly never learned how to play with them,” Cyrus admitted. “I just liked looking at them.”

“That’s me with my vinyl records right now,” TJ said. “I opened every single one of them because some had notes and receipts from GG. Some silly stuff like saying to pick up my grandma from school or just lists of other singers.” Cyrus stared at TJ as he set out the records, wondering if now was the time to give him what he just bought him. He wanted to hold out for his birthday but watching TJ talk about the vinyl’s made him realize how much listening to that music meant to him.

“There’s actually something I want to give you,” Cyrus said.

“Now?” TJ raised an eyebrow.

“Think of it as the first part of your birthday present.”

“First part? Of my birthday present? My birthday that’s in July?”

“Yes. Yes. Yes,” Cyrus nodded. “So, do you want it or not?”

“Can it be the only gift you give me?” TJ asked him.

“Of course not. The other thing is on its way already.”

“Oh god, Cyrus. You really didn’t have to get me anything.”

“Says the guy that gave me a present everyday of the week leading up to my birthday.” TJ smiled, Cyrus knowing that he finally got him to give in.

“Fine. Surprise me.”

Cyrus took TJ’s hand. “Come on! I can’t wait for you to see it.” Cyrus led TJ inside his house where they walked past his parents, TJ barely able to say a full hello to them. They went into his room where Cyrus let go of his hand and dug through his t-shirt drawer where he pulled out a wrapped present.

“You already wrapped it?” TJ asked, smiling as Cyrus handed him the box.

“Had to be ready just in case you ever found it.”

“You’re the one that snoops through my things, not me,” TJ reminded him.

“Just open in,” Cyrus said impatiently. TJ put the present on the bed and started ripping the wrapper. With a single tear down the middle, TJ knew what it was and gasped.

“Cyrus,” he whispered. “You really shouldn’t have.”

“I wanted to. Really badly.” TJ finished unwrapping the green record player and held out the box in his hands, staring at it in awe. “Now you can listen to everything your GG left you.”

“Yeah,” TJ said with a smile. “I really can.” He put the box down and went over to face Cyrus. “Thank you so much.” TJ bent down and kissed him, both smiling into the kiss.

“You are very welcome.”

TJ held onto Cyrus’ hand and told him, “Let’s go play some music.”

[dociousunderdog]

The three times Jonah was a third wheel and the one time he wasn’t

|

Jonah loved his friends, that was a fact nobody dared question. He would do anything for them and he loved spending time with them.

But then they all got into relationships.

And although the others assured Jonah they didn’t mind him hanging around with them, he could tell that whenever he was around just two of them, they wished he wasn’t.

“Always the bridesmaid never the bride.” Buffy commented once on his relationship status while he hung out with her and Marty at The Spoon.

“I don’t mind that, it’s fun being single.” He commented with a smile before grabbing a baby tater from the basket in the centre of the table.

“Sure, tell yourself that, Beck.” Marty chuckled as he sat back down next to Buffy after getting up to grab her extra napkins.

“I’m not lonely!” Jonah defended himself, but it sounded slightly too whiney and came out sounding like a lie. Buffy and Marty both gave the same look that said ‘Sure’. “Really I’m not! I only always hang out with you guys because you invite me and I don’t want to be rude, I’m not afraid to be alone.” Jonah said lowly before reaching for another tater.

“Can I ask you a question though, Beck? Something that’s been on my mind since you started being a third wheel all the time.” Marty said nonchalantly mocking his friend. Marty, Jonah, and TJ have become very good friends since TJ started dating Cyrus and Marty started dating Buffy. They’re friends call them the ‘Dumbass Trio’ because they always come up with the dumbest shit to pass their time with. Jonah shot Marty a glare before imploring him to continue. “Who is it worse to be a third wheel with? Like whose the most ‘lovey-dovey lost in their own world oh hi Jonah when did you get here?’ When you’re around them?” He paused to take a bite from one of Buffy’s fries that he stole without thinking. “Because I bet it’s Cyrus and TJ, they never take their hands off each other even when we’re all hanging out together.”

“Nah it’s probably Amber and Andi. Andi never shuts up about Amber and rambles on and on about kissing her for hours I bet when they’re together that’s literally all they do.” Buffy rolled her eyes fondly before looking over to Jonah expectantly.

“Well it’s definitely not you guys.” He laughed and they shrugged in agreement. While Buffy and Marty loved each other and loved being together, their relationship had always been built on banter and playful mocking, therefore PDA and such wasn’t high on their priorities list even after becoming official. “I’d say it’s probably Cyrus and TJ. There have been times where they invited me to hang out and everything was fine but then I’d go to the bathroom and come back to find them making out.” Jonah shuttered playfully at the thought. He didn’t think it was gross, he actually thought it was cute, but he was in a rather good mood that day and decided to be a little playful.

“But Amber and Andi are pretty bad too. They stare into each other’s eyes for extended periods of time and try to hold conversations with me when they do it which always end up something like ‘yeah you’re right ‘Introducing Me’ is the best song from the Camp Rock franchise and oh my god did you know Amber has flecks of green in her eyes when you look at them just right?’” Jonah recounted while doing his very best Andi voice (which was basically just him raising the pitch of his own voice). “It’s cute though, same with Teej and Cy.” He sighed looking down at his hands.

“Sorry did you say something?” Marty said in fake confusion while never looking away from Buffy earning him a light kick to his leg under the table.

||

It was game night. A tradition usually shared by the Dumbass Trio, but tonight was different. Tonight Marty made one-on-one plans with Buffy so it was going to be just TJ and Jonah. Jonah suggested cancelling but TJ refused and said they could still have fun just the two of them. The plan was to hang out at TJ’s house and play Smash Brothers. Jonah arrived at TJ’s house and was greeted by Amber who looked rather dolled up so he assumed she was going on a date with Andi somewhere. “Hey Jonah, TJ and Cyrus are in the living room getting the Switch set up.” She smiled and he nodded before stepping into the house.

“Cyrus is here?” Jonah didn’t mind, he just didn’t know. Amber nodded before grabbing her car keys from a bowl by the door and yelling out that she was leaving. Jonah walked through the house into the living room where he was immediately faced with TJ on his knees in front of Cyrus who was sitting on the couch, TJ playfully crouched over Cyrus, slightly pinning him to the couch, both laughing wildly.

“Am I interrupting?” Jonah smiled, wiggling his eyebrows as he did so even though no one was looking at him.

“Of course not.” Cyrus smiled up at him as he lightly shoved TJ off of him. “We’re glad you’re here!” He jumped off the couch to give Jonah a bro hug greeting. Jonah then plopped himself down on the end of the couch Cyrus hadn’t been on before he walked in. Cyrus sat back down where he was before and TJ sat in front of him on the floor.

“Ready?” TJ asked after giving Cyrus and Jonah controllers. They started playing and everything was fine. Occasionally in between matches Jonah would steal a glance over at TJ and Cyrus to see TJ fondly laying his head back onto Cyrus’s lap while Cyrus played with his hair. The game continued in much the same way until the dreaded moment approached them. After slurping down about 3 cans of cola it was finally the time for Jonah to excuse himself to go to the bathroom. Leaving the room while hanging out with TJ and Cyrus was a bit of a gamble. When you returned they were either in the same position waiting for you to get back, have somehow gotten even closer than they previously had been, or on occasion would be straight up making out. Jonah excused himself to the bathroom, knowing full well where it is from all the time he’s spent in the Kippen house from when he was dating Amber to all his hang outs with the Dumbass Trio. When he was done he slinked around the corner to peak at his friends before fully walking back into the room so as not to interrupt a private moment or anything.

He peered his head around the corner and sure enough saw TJ had moved up onto the couch and was kissing Cyrus. Jonah felt an odd feeling he never really had before and he couldn’t quite name it. Was it jealousy? Perhaps but not because he had a crush on either TJ or Cyrus, but more so jealous of the relationship as a whole. He wished he could have someone he cared for who cared for him like how TJ and Cyrus cared for each other. He sighed before fully walking into the room, attempting to make some kind of noise so as to alert his friends that he was there. “I’m back.” He said, feeling overly awkward when they pulled away and looked up at him.

“Sorry.” TJ said before shuffling his way back down to the floor in front of Cyrus. “Ready to play more?” TJ asked.

“Actually I’m kinda tired, I think I’m just gonna head out.” Jonah said. It wasn’t a total lie, as his recent revelation that he wasn’t as super ok with being single as he thought he was had tuckered him out. “You two have fun though.” He said before heading towards the door, “Not too much fun though!” He yelled at them from the door and he could hear TJ’s hearty laugh boom through the residence in response.

|||

Jonah sat down at a random table in The Spoon and waited for his friends to show up. It was one of those days when they were all seven going to hang out together and Jonah was excited, he loved spending time with his friends. A few minutes pass and Jonah heard a bell ring above the door, he turned to see who it was and it was Amber and Andi. He waved them down and they came over to his table and sat down across from him.

“Nobody else is here yet?” Andi asked and Jonah shook his head.

“No, not yet.” He shrugged, not thinking anything of it.

“And looks like never.” Amber said before showing her phone to the other two revealing texts from Cyrus.

Cyrus: We’re so sorry guys, we forgot about our plans to all hang out today and TJ, Marty, Buffy, and I are going on a double-date.

Cyrus: We’ll make it up to you!

Cyrus: We promise!

Jonah let out a sigh before the waitress approached their table to take their order and Jonah smiled up at them as he ordered. Amber, being a co-worker and good friend to her could see she was falling for Jonah’s charms and that sparked a curiosity in her she needed answered. “So, are you still single Jonah?” She asked casually after the waitress had walked away.

“Ambs, don’t put him on the spot like that.” Andi whispered into Amber’s ear although she was well aware he could probably still hear them as they were sitting literally right across from him.

“Yes, Amber, I’m still single, why are you asking?” He cocked a brow at her and she shrugged.

“No real reason I suppose.” Jonah gave her a look she knew all too well. “Alright it’s just you can charm people so easily. Literally half the people in here would probably kill to date you.” She said before reaching her arm around Andi and pulling her close.

“So?” Jonah never understood subtlety, it’s not his specialty.

“So, why don’t you date someone?” She said simply only to be smacked on her arm by her girlfriend.

“Stop, he’ll date again if he wants to.” Andi reprimanded.

“There is a part of me who wants to try the relationship thing again.” Jonah sighed and it was now Andi’s turn to cock a brow at him.

“Oh really? Any reason?” Andi asked before taking a long swig of her milkshake before passing it over to Amber so she could do the same. It always amazed Jonah how she could change on the dime like that.

“There may or may not be someone I’ve been interested in getting to know better.” He mumbled and both of the girls’ eyes opened wider. “Also I miss all the cute stuff, like hand holding and cuddling and little kisses goodbye.” He suddenly felt embarrassingly aware of the fact that the things he was describing were coming from his past relationships with the girls sitting in front of him. “Never mind, what are you two gonna do today?” He shrugged and tried to change the subject.

“You can’t just drop that truth bomb on us and expect us to ignore it, Jonah!” Andi said with her eyes so wide Jonah was worried they might fall out of her head. “Who is it? How long have you known them? Do I know them?” Andi questioned, this time her girlfriend was the one having to corral her.

“Slow your roll, like you said, don’t put him on the spot like that.” Amber calmed her down by gently running a hand through her short hair.

The food then arrived and suddenly all of Jonah’s anxious feelings were channeled into his hunger. “Oh yay foods here, let’s eat!” He said hoping his change in tone wouldn’t be suspicious. It was but the girls ignored it and also began eating.

+1

All of them finally together, what Jonah had wanted for a while. They were all seven chilling out in Cyrus’s basement, laying around on couches, drinking soda, eating junk food, playing ping pong, anything they wanted. It was like a mini party just for them.

“Cyrus can I ask you a question?” Jonah asked pulling Cyrus aside. Cyrus nodded to let him know to continue before taking a sip from TJ’s soda he was holding for him while he, quote unquote ‘beat Marty’s pathetic ass in ping pong’. “Is it ok if I invited someone else?”

“Absolutely! Just let me know and I’ll tell my mom to bring them down here when they get here.” Cyrus smiled and Jonah smiled back at him. Jonah had to admit he was freaking out a bit. He hadn’t told anyone except for Amber and Andi that he was even thinking of getting into another relationship, what will they all think if he’s just suddenly in one? That he was faking it to avoid being the eternal third wheel? That he rushed into it to avoid being the eternal third wheel? He didn’t know but he was sure it would always come back around to him being the damn eternal third wheel. Jonah shot them a text message and let Cyrus know they were on their way. ‘It’s now or never, Beck.’ Jonah thought to himself.

“Guys I have something I want to tell you.” Jonah said loudly to get all of his friends’ attention. They all stopped what they were doing and looked at him, confused. “I’m seeing someone.” Jonah said bluntly and all his friends began smiling, TJ and Marty even jokingly cheering like he had just won a big prize or something.

“When can we meet them?” Andi called out happily.

“You already have.” Said a familiar voice as they walked down the stairs into the basement. They walked right up to Jonah and grabbed his hand before giving him a peck on the lips as a greeting. Everyone, except Marty and TJ, gawked at the pair.

“Wait who is that?” Marty asked and TJ shrugged.

“I’m Walker, Jonah’s boyfriend.” Walker smiled and Jonah felt a nervous jolt through him at that word. He didn’t like labels and Walker knew that, but Jonah also knew that it was the easiest way to sum up what they were to each other so he let it slide.

“And Andi And Buffy’s ex-boyfriend!” Amber exclaimed and Andi blushed.

“We never technically dated.” Andi commented.

“Did he ever date my boyfriend?” TJ asked bluntly and Cyrus shook his head. “Oh then I have no problems, welcome to the group, dude.”

“Yeah but he’s my girlfriend’s ex so I don’t know if I feel the same way.” Marty huffed only to have Buffy walk over and wrap her arms around him.

“If it makes you feel better I broke up with him because I had feelings for you.” She smiled up at him and he blushed.

“Alright I have no problems either, welcome, bro.” Marty smiled and the group laughed.

They all dispersed and went back to doing whatever they were doing. Jonah let out a relived sigh, happy his friends took it so well.

“I told you the world wouldn’t end if we told people about us.” Walker joked before swinging their intertwined fingers.

“I know, I know.” Jonah joked back before looking directly into Walker’s eyes and continuing “Thank you for coming and being there for me.” Jonah smiled seriously and Walker responded by leaning down and kissing him. They kissed for who knows how long until they heard a whoop and jumped back in surprise.

“I guess we have the answer to whose the most lovey-dovey couple, eh?” Marty joked and Jonah rolled his eyes.

“Nah TJ and Cyrus are still worse!” Jonah countered with a smile.

“No we’re not! We have the common courtesy to wait until you leave the room to make out, you and Walker just did that right in front of everyone!” TJ said back with a playful smile.

Andi rolled her eyes before speaking up, “Ok can we go back to just hanging out before the Dumbass Trio start fist fighting over who gets more action?”

“Yeah especially since it would all be wrong because that title clearly goes to us.” Amber added while wrapping an arm around a now blushing Andi’s shoulders.

The group shared a laugh before doing as Andi suggested and going back to just chilling with the people they hold dearest. Jonah smiled contently as he rested his head on Walker’s shoulder while sitting next to him on the couch. “I like not being the third wheel.” He whispered and Walker smiled.

“I like it too.” He leaned down to press a kiss to Jonah’s head.

[jflashandclash]

Tales from Mount Othrys

         Our tale is one of heartbreak and loss. One you know how it begins and how it ends. My friends are faceless ghosts left to be tortured in the Fields of Punishment, forsaken—not for their own sins—but for the neglect of our parents. Our song isn’t the one you want to hear; it’s the one that needs to be told. Losers never write history. They fade to urban legends and night terrors. If the only way for us to be remembered is as monsters, then monsters we shall be. And in the night, you will hear us scream.

             Luke Castellan saved my life. Not the way you might expect—and I did die several times later, but the Sisyphean feat of keeping me dead is for another story.

--dictations from the ramblings of Jack Flash

  Histories of Luke Castellan:

 Uncomfortable Beginnings

(or: Plans Never Go How They Should)

           While watching the cop car pull up to the school, Luke chewed on his lip. He squeezed the hilt of his sword, suddenly unsure he should have brought any weapons. He’d tied his orange Camp Half-Blood sweatshirt around his waist to hide the blade and logo with the hopes that the color wouldn’t attract as much attention if he put it lower on his body. Nothing said subtle like traffic cone orange.

         Sometimes, he wondered if their camp director wanted them to get attacked by monsters.

         “What, kid, getting cold feet?”

         Luke was used to people being shorter than him, but his companion, Phil, was barely at chest height.

Luke looked like he belonged to this school. Phil looked like he should be thrown in jail if he got anywhere near a school. He had an untamed black beard, scraggily black hair, and dark eyes that constantly seemed to seek flaws in every person and institution for some internal mockery.

         Another horrific crunch erupted from between Phil’s lips, like an eighteen wheeler obliterated a Smart Car inside his mouth.

         “Could you chew with your mouth closed?” Luke snapped, unable to handle the foreboding smash of iron again.

         “Can you turn down the sun glare on your hair gel?” Phil asked, removing the metal rod from between his lips like a cigarette. “And maybe your panic? You’re going to attract monsters for a twenty mile radius with how much you’re sweating.”

         If Phil hadn’t been such a skilled keeper, and annoyingly right about the sweat, then Luke would have smacked him. Phil was a satyr—horns, tails, and all—and excellent at sniffing out new demigod blood. Unlike many of his counterparts, Phil had learned to use human technology to his advantage to gain access to unexplained incidents in police reports, newspapers, and magazines.

“The cops aren’t exactly inspiring confidence. You think this has something to do with Fai Lan?” Luke asked. He and Phil were waiting by the senior parking lot, by a side exit that Phil said this girl used to skip class. She was running late in her class-skipping, and Luke was wary that the cop car parked in the kiss-and-ride loop had something to do with it.

“Fēi Lín,” Phil corrected again. “That’s a fast way to get to a girl’s heart—mispronouncing her name. And unlikely. She’s not exactly known for getting caught, nowadays. Ah, you gotta love when a young, aspiring vagabond finds her way to proper subterfuge—there’s our birdie, now.”

On cue, someone exited the side doors. The girl was in the middle of taking off a gym shirt, revealing a too-tight, too-short black tank top that a teacher must have made her cover. Her red, pleather pants and black combat boots made him grin. Black bangs and side wisps bobbed around her face as she ran out, head tilting towards the cop car in the kiss-and-ride. She looked like an Asian version of that vampire slayer, Buffy.

Maybe the cops did have something to do with her.

“Remember not to stare at her face,” Phil said, taking another bite off the iron rod and munching.

         “Not going to be a problem,” Luke said, though he hadn’t meant to say it out loud. His face warmed. Luke had been around lots of Aphrodite’s cabin members and intimately knew how attractive Selena Beauregard was. Especially with that knowledge, this girl was smoking.  

         “Just remember: she killed the last satyr that came after her. Do. Not. Stare. At. Her. Face,” Phil emphasized every word.

         She turned to examine the main entrance to the school, so all Luke could discern was a hair bun with… with hair sticks? Or stilettos? They glinted like they were sharp. She was only fifteen feet away now.

         Luke had to keep calm. He’d lead plenty of people through Camp Half-Blood, getting them comfortable with the fact that the Greek gods were real. This wasn’t even the first time he’d handled someone who had a criminal record. Most of his blood siblings had them. This was, however, the first time he would work with someone that could easily kill him, according to Phil’s research.

It was also the first time he’d reached out to someone before Kronos had gotten into their dreams. Luke would prove that he was useful without his master’s direction.

         “Hey,” Luke said in greeting. He stood up tall, shoved his hands in his pockets, and gave her a charming grin, trying to look as harmless as possible. “Fai Lin Davidson?” He decided to use her American last name, since there was no way he’d properly pronounce her other one.

         “Dǒng Fēi Lín,” Phil muttered under his breath.

         “My name is Luke—”

         Luke stumbled over his introduction. Fēi Lín glanced in his direction. Her eyes were icy, calculating, and panicked, but that wasn’t what distracted him. When Phil had warned that she had scars, Luke assumed her scars would be like his, like the single, massive claw mark that stretched from his forehead down one cheek.

The skin on her face and part of her neck was shriveled, ribbed, and discolored. Her lips looked stretched too thin. One eyelid didn’t look like it should be able to close all the way.

Phil elbowed him.  

         Fortunately, Fēi Lín didn’t seem to notice Luke’s pause. Her gaze darted back to the front entrance, where two officers escorted someone out.

         Although her lack of attention saved him some embarrassment, Luke was annoyed that she ignored him. He, in fact, was the most popular boy at Camp Half-Blood. He wasn’t used to being ignored.

         “And I’m his rustic side-kick,” Phil said with a wry smile. “Phil. As a heads up, I’ll gore you if you mention Disney’s Hercules.”

Luke always enjoyed how ridiculous and pompous that movie made the gods look. Though Disney liked to skirt around the whole incest and abuse thing that was rampant in Greek mythology and it made the Titans look like mindless fiends.

         She gaze shot back to them. They narrowed at Phil. “You monsters always pick the worst days to attack,” she said, slipping the sharpened hair sticks from her bun. The bun stayed neatly in place, proving they weren’t there for aesthetics. Her voice was a hoarse whisper, almost too soft to hear.  

         Phil took a rapid step backwards.

         This was not how this was supposed to go. Luke put his hands up, but kept one close to Backbiter. “Not monsters. He’s a satyr. I’m a demigod like you. We’re here to help you—”

         “If you’re here to help me, get that boy away from those cops before they drive away.”

         Luke had to focus to hear her words. Each one seemed to grow softer and softer until she erupted into a fit of coughs.

         “Oh,” Phil said, relaxing. He crunched another chunk out of his iron bar. “You’re sick. I guess a charm speaker can’t charm anyone if she can’t speak.”

         Her eyes narrowed further.

         Before Luke could stop her, her palm struck Phil’s face. The satyr staggered backwards. Iron spit out his mouth like a Pez dispenser. He barely caught himself on one of the cars, fortunately out of the cops’ line of sight.

         “Hot damn, she hits hard!” Phil said, clutching his face. Blood seeped between his fingers.

         Luke clutched the hilt of Backbiter, ready for another strike.

         She didn’t attack. Instead, she pointed her finger back at the cops and their escort. “Help him, or it’s an auto-no for whatever you want to talk about. Or are you worthless and I need to kill those cops on my own?” Her voice sounded like it should earn a month off school for threat of contaminating everything within a thirty-mile radius. Had he heard her on the phone, he would have thought the threat cute. With those sharpened hair stick in her hands and the ferocity of her gaze, Luke took a step backwards.

         Luke didn’t want to get involved with the cops. No one at Camp Half-Blood knew he had slipped away. If his face showed up in the news and Chiron found out, or worse, if they were able to connect him to his mother as a runaway…

         Luke hated her wording even more: worthless. He’d felt worthless for years. And then he’d messed up his first mission for the false glory of something that had been done before. All the time he’d spent at Camp Half-Blood: worthless.

         “You have five seconds to decide, or I’m coming after you as soon as I’m done with those cops,” Fēi Lín said. Her panicked eyes darted back to the officers. They were almost to their car. Their escort didn’t have handcuffs on. He was just some kid, maybe a junior, who looked dazed as he walked between the cops. “Four…”

         Luke did not like being bossed around or being put onto a tight timeline. But, there were so few numbers for the Kronos cause; he needed this girl. Phil said she was incredibly powerful.

         ‘Three—” she said.

         “Cause a distraction,” Luke commanded Phil. They needed more time to plan.

Phil snorted, pinching his bleeding nose. “Cause a distraction he says. I ain’t going back to jail for this, you know that kid?”[1]

         In a motion so quick and precise that Luke couldn’t believe a sick person had done it, the girl grabbed Phil, spun him, and tossed him in the direction of the cops, out into the open. A little more power and she could have gone skeet shooting with a satyr.

         “Help!” she tried to call out, but her voice broke. She tucked the hair sticks back into her bun.

         Luke picked up on the charade immediately. He would find a way to make it up to Phil later, else he knew Phil would threaten to tell Mr. D about him.

         “What makes you think it’s okay to creep on our school property?” Luke shouted, and took a step towards Phil. He really hoped the school’s assigned officer wouldn’t come out to see what the fuss was about. Then they’d have three cops to deal with, and they were dedicated to the act now.

         The officers noticed the commotion.

         They motioned for their escort to stand by the car, then made their way towards Phil, Luke, and Fēi Lín.

         “Hey! Break it up!” one as pale as the clouds shouted. He had a tiny, handmade paper flower attached to his breast pocket, like something a kid might give a dad. If the kid liked their dad and got to see him, Luke thought bitterly.

         “I told this perv to get lost!” Fēi Lín tried to say. The words came out a hiss. She stomped towards Phil, though her steps were wavering. Luke couldn’t tell from her disfigured face, but he thought she was sweating from fever.

         If Luke had to guess, the officers were rightfully confused. Phil did look like a creep, but, this girl looked way more threatening than the downed satyr.

         “What’s going on here?” the other officer, this one with chocolaty skin, asked. This man looked like a heavy-weight boxer with dimples so deeply embedded that they didn’t go away in serious mode. Luke was suddenly unsure if he was okay with Fēi Lín’s comment about killing them.

The cop put his hands up in an everyone calm down maneuver. Meanwhile, his pale companion had settled one hand on his sidearm, at the ready.

         The pale officer was closing in on Phil while the other carefully moved to make Luke and Fēi Lín back up. “What’s going on?” he started to repeat.

         “What the—”

         Behind him, once the pale officer got close, Phil kicked off his boots, revealing two hooves. He proceeded to nail the officer in the head with a solid hoof print.[2]

         The cop flopped over.

         As Luke and Fēi Lín’s officer went to glance back at his partner, Fēi Lín lunged forward. Within seconds, she had him in a headlock, pinching his neck between her forearm and bicep. Her arm trembled with the effort.

         No turning back.

Luke rushed up to snatch away the officer’s handcuffs, radio, and gun. The cop kicked Luke backwards with one solid hit to the diagraph.

Luke stumbled back a step, clutching his chest. This was nothing compared to fighting monsters or demigods, but he’d lost a few valuable seconds to gasping.

The cop fumbled for Fēi Lín’s forearm. When that failed, he thrashed, trying to buck her off. His eyes and forehead vein were bulging when he elbowed backwards.

This guy had at least a hundred pounds on Fēi Lín, but she didn’t flinch when he hit her. His elbow strike nailed her in the ribs. She barely gasped, though Luke didn’t know if that was because of lack of breath from her sickness or because of pain tolerance.

Luke gritted his teeth. Was she really going to kill him?

         The struggles became weaker as he collapsed to his knees, then his hands. His eyes rolled up and Fēi Lín gently set him onto the pavement.

         “Jack!” she called hoarsely. She loosened her hold, though kept the headlock position. Her eyes frantically traced back to the cop car.

         The boy by the car approached them slowly. His steps were uncertain, like he wasn’t sure if he was really walking here or if he was about to fall off a virtual reality platform.

         “Call for him,” Fēi Lín said, her voice too soft to be heard at his distance, “Tell him we’re real.”

         Phil didn’t hesitate. “Hey! Jak-Jak! We’re real and could use your unexplained help!”

         “This is getting stupid,” Luke said. He shoved the gun into his belt, chucked the radio further into the parking lot, and handcuffed the huge cop. Fēi Lín moved to give him access to the cop’s wrists. She unwound a silk ribbon from around her waist and tied it firmly between the cop’s teeth, tight enough that his cheeks and the back of his head bulged.

         The boy, Jack, leveled with them. He was probably a junior, maybe seventeen or so. His brilliant, red hair was spiky, similar to Luke’s blond, except Jack’s was long enough to dip against his forehead. His eyes were watery and unfocused like a distant, forgotten dream had left him deeply disturbed. He was as tall as Luke, though unhealthily thin and gangly. The black nails and Coheed and Cambria band shirt gave Luke an annoying sense of nostalgia for one of his old friends.  

         Slowly, Jack’s gaze focused on Fēi Lín with no recognition of the cops, Luke, or Phil. “You’re sick,” he said in concern. His voice trembled as much as his body did.

         If Luke had to guess, these two wouldn’t last long as friends once Jack found out that she was a demigod. Mortals tended to run from their brand of crazy. Or, they were dumb and thought it was cool to almost die all the time and be neglected by your godly parent. Luke didn’t know what his deal was and didn’t care at the moment. They needed to get Fēi Lín and get away from here.

         Fēi Lín pointed to the cop Phil had kicked. By now, Phil had sat up and was dusting off his hoof, cursing about ungrateful children under his breath. The pale cop with the flower pin, on the other hand, hadn’t moved. Blood trickled onto the ground from his head. Luke couldn’t tell if it was from his ear or his mouth.

         Luke’s stomach clenched. Had they killed someone?

***

Author’s Note:

I’M FINALLY POSTING THIS!!! This is Part I of the first Tales from Mount Othrys short. I hope you enjoyed! I’m aiming to post every other week :D Ready to watch Luke and his friends skid into madness and betrayal? Join hands and listen to how the crew from Othrys fell apart.

 [1] Oh gods, I accidentally made Grunkle Stan into a Satyr Stan.

[2] Pax wants to know if satyrs have battle “horse” shoes for this occasion.

[kolbisneat]

MONTHLY MEDIA: May 2019

Here’s how I spent the month of May!

……….FILM……….

John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum (2019) I don’t think I was mentally prepared to get right into the violence and the film doesn’t ease you into any of it. If anything, I found this chapter to rely on the combat more than the previous two and by the end, I was a little numb. Still a great film and perhaps I’ll feel differently on a second viewing. For now, I’d say it’s very good and has like...10 minutes too much fighting.

Bridesmaids (2011) Always great but in watching this I realized what makes the improv stand out from other films: the underlying storytelling. While there’s lots of back and forth between characters that are funny, it’s usually doing something else at the same time (showing characters competing and in conflict with each other, showing the casual report between friends, etc.) The humour never feels like it’s there because the movie is a comedy, but that we’re watching funny people live their lives. It really works.

Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile (2019) So I admit that I know only a surface level of info about Ted Bundy and what he did. With that in mind I found it frustrating that the movie took the perspective of “did he or didn’t he?” I get that the film’s perspective was that of Liz Kendall but then I wanted more concrete proof that he did it (not seeing the crimes, but through evidence in the courtroom). The one bit they did show (the teeth marks) felt flimsy and was undercut by Bundy’s rebuttal. I just didn’t vibe with the coy approach.

……….TELEVISION……….

The Magicians (Episode 1.01 to 1.09) Having read the books, I had no interest watching a series that also centres around Quentin. Only after friends told me it doesn’t revolve around him did I try it out and it’s great! The casting is still a little too CW for me (you can tell if a character will eventually play a major role based on how conventionally attractive they are) but the overall dynamic works. The magic is still dangerous, the fighting is still petty, and the world is still as complex as the novels.

The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (Episode 2.08 to 2.09) So ep 8 (with the mandrake) is peak Sabrina for me: a little horror, a little melodrama, and a fairly contained episode. Perhaps I’m longing for a different type of television but I really want this series to become something in the vein of Buffy where there’s a monster of the week and perhaps it all ties to a bigger plot. The season finale was fun and I mistook the Phantom of the Opera song for a current top 40 hit so...I’m out of touch in a whole bunch o ways.

Queer Eye (Episode 3.01 to 3.08) Ugh what a great season.

Life in PIeces (Episode 1.01 to 1.04) It’s starting to grow on me. The format works well though I’d say their consistency (even within a single episode) varies. Maybe I just need more time with the characters but so far I’m just luke warm to it.

……….READING……….

Saturday Night Ghost Club by Craig Davidson (Complete) Without giving up too much of the story, this is a heart wrenching read and one that is foreshadowed by the tone and content of the first chapter (a skill I really appreciate in both literature and film). It’s dark and light and human and really left an impression after I finished it.

Hawkeye by Matt Fraction & David Aja Omnibus by Matt Fraction, David Aja, Matt Hollingsworth, Chris Eliopoulos, and so many more (Complete) Seeing Avengers:Endgame made me long for a Hawkeye that I liked and in rereading this, I found what I needed. I cannot say enough kind things about this run. It’s singular and small in its focus and the art/direction is phenomenal. It at times feels gritty and grounded, and yet has a real spy thriller vibe to the overall tone. If you can get your hands on the omnibus then do it. It’s human and heroic and good-spirited and funny in a dry, world-weary way and Kate Bishop is a wonderful foil to Clint Barton (and vice versa).

Sabrina by Nick Drnaso (Complete) Oof what a read. I knew the book dealt with the aftermath of a woman’s murder, but I didn’t realize it would be such a reflection on the modern media landscape. It deals with conspiracies, allegations of fake news, death threats, and the general paranoia that victims endure after a tragedy. This video essay says it all better than I could.

Be Prepared by Vera Brogsol (Complete) Charming and personal and while I don’t have many experiences with camp, I do feel a deep connection with a protagonist that never quite succeeds at fitting in with the “in” crowd. It’s a great all-ages read and is beautifully illustrated and I can’t say enough kind things about it.

Adventures of a Japanese Businessman by Jose Domingo (Complete) Just fantastic. I picked this up after a glowing review from my friend and it didn’t disappoint. Silent and surreal, the series of unfortunate events told across each 4-panel page is a masterclass in setup and resolution. There are tiny 2-3 panel arcs happening all over and it truly rewards rereads. I loved every minute of it and can’t recommend it enough.

Ragnarök Volume 1: Last God Standing by Walt Simonson (Complete) It’s fun to read a comic about Thor and it not be the Marvel version: the mythology is a little different (closer to the myths), the tone is a little different (Thor and the gods have lost and Ragnarök has happened), and I’m sure there isn’t as much editorial influence since it’s wholly the creator’s vision. It’s fairly self-serious and the overall vibe is fairy 70s Heavy Metal, and it all works. Not necessarily my go-to tone, but it’s good at what it does and is refreshingly different.

Domu by Katsuhiro Otomo (Complete) Just fantastic. Akira was always a little overwhelmingly big (though no less impressive) so this smaller, more intimate story was right up my alley. It’s creepy and kinetic and beautiful and a really good read. It’s hard to come by in print, but if you can find it then I defo recommend.

……….AUDIO……….

Dedicated by Carly Rae Jepsen (2019) You know what? This album is a lot of fun and very good and you should check it out. I really wish it kept the energy of the first couple tracks all the way through, but I really just can’t hold every artist to the level of Andrew W. K.

……….GAMING……….

Curse of Strahd (Wizards of the Coast) What I love about this group is they often spend so much time discussing who is in charge of the money, avoid conflict with a ghost that is trying to kill them, and yet really want to pursue the mystery creature that was rummaging around the pantry two sessions earlier. Also they’re still in a haunted house with ominous chanting and undead everywhere.

Maze of the Blue Medusa (Satyr Press) The party has started to explore other parts of the maze (now moving away from the Lich-haunted gardens) and continue to find countless unsettling beasts and creatures. A couple near death experiences but overall, they’re doing well.

And that’s it! As always, I’m keen to hear your suggestions for what the read, watch, hear, and play next!

Happy Friday.

[tjkiahgb]

Anon and I wrap up Season 2 - Part 3: Best and Worst Character Arcs

“Question Three: Which main character had the best arc and vice versa? I’ll go extra and give out a list in order of best to worst - Buffy, Bex, Cece, Jonah, Andi and Cyrus.

Bex had a really cool arc from trying to find a niche between friend and mom. But more importantly, her arc on graduating and finding her career is a good message to kids not to give up on their education. 

Cece has really loosened up this season and it’s nice to see her have fun.

Jonah arguably had powerful moments but I find his arc to be disjointed. It’s like the writers never really knew what to do with him and decided to give him a mental breakdown out of the blue. I initially thought it was a clever twist to make Jyrus happen but it ended up being just more lousy writing.

Andi may be the main character but she hardly had any development for the whole season. Sure, she’s more assertive and outspoken but I feel like those are just magnifications of the same Andi that we saw in season one. It doesn’t help at all that Jandi is the biggest thing going on with her, which made her pretty stagnant. The only storyline where she had any sense of agency was playing the Bexie matchmaker.

Speaking of agency, this is the main criteria of which I base this answer. And thus Buffy Driscoll takes the crown. Where to begin? Her insatiable hunger to be good at the things she sets her mind into? Her refusal to cave in to peer pressure and engage in a romantic dyad she feels she isn’t ready for? Her determination to break barriers to show that girls can be better than boys even in sports? Her ability to exercise self-control and perseverance despite and in spite of the animosity and ostracism she has faced in her team? Her decision to be the bigger person and helping her tormentor for the sake of being a team player?  Her compassion and loyalty to Cyrus? The only time Buffy lost agency in this season is when her mom got a job somewhere else and they had to move - but even then she stubbornly refused to say goodbye and dictated the terms of her departure. Man, this season has been the season of the slayer.

In all fairness, Cyrus did have a lot of agency in this season as well. There was his aforementioned coming out scene, his determination to make his Bash Mitzvah a success, and Tyrus. However, the reason why I rate him as having the worst arc is that most of these big developments occur off-screen. On the basis of what is actually shown on the show, the biggest arcs he had was Ciris. Which was pretty okay but I felt was just abruptly cut off. I know a lot of people here lament the fact that he never used the word gay. But I think his refusal to use that label also shows agency on his part. I think my main problem is that his arc appears to be disjointed - he’s just the kooky sidekick who’s there for comedic relief until his big moments come. And this has made point A to point B to point C Cyrus seemingly different persons. And seeing all the press, I find a certain dissonance between using Joshua as a poster boy for representation and having his character’s story relegated to the backburner for most of the season. The writers have treated Cyrus’ story as this precious china that is there mostly for display only to be brought out during special occasions. As I have said before, for someone who's second on the billing, Cyrus' story gets short changed over and over and over again.”

It’s hard to argue with too many of these, Anon. I’ll pass on ranking them myself, but I’ll jump in and add a little bit more.

I love how multifaceted Bex’s issues are. She’s learning how to be a mom. She’s learning how to be a better daughter and interact better with her mother. She’s dealing with her relationship with Bowie and trying to find a split between being mature (respecting where he’s at in life) and going after the man she wants. And she’s finding her place in the working world. Her growth seems to happen pretty quietly, but it’s impressive to see how far she’s come.

Celia is such a fantastic character. I think it’s great that now that she doesn’t have to shoulder so much of the responsibility of raising Andi, she can finally be more of a grandma. Her relationship with Bex continues to be fascinating -- trying to help her succeed while also trying to figure out when she’s overstepping. Her stuff with Ham this season has been a bit of a disappointment though. They interact less and less as time goes on, so much so that their storylines have become about how they don’t talk enough. Celia buying The Fringe without telling Ham can be chalked up a little to her go-getter attitude, but that’s still way too much. And Ham deciding to leave the country without telling her is about on par. I’m hoping for some cleaner stories in season 3 between those two (though I get the feeling Ham’s going to be doing a lot of “traveling” for much of the time).

I sort of agree with you on Jonah’s arc being disjointed, though for different reasons. Much of 2A was tied in Andi and Jonah feeling out their relationship, but I found it to be not incredibly interesting stuff. As I said in part 1 of this series of posts, I actually liked the introduction of the panic attack. I think it gave Jonah some depth that he was sorely missing as a main character. I never saw it as a way to move him towards Cyrus, though. I accepted it as being sprung from his relationship issues with Andi. The stuff with him in 2B was hit and miss. I liked the idea of him treating his anxiety through music, but doing all of that therapy through the lens of Bowie, who’s really kind of making things up as he goes along, was maybe a mistake. He should seek professional help at some point (perhaps in season 3). I do like the steps he’s taking to mature, as well. Being gracious around Walker at the art fair was a great move. But, right after that, he signed up to go to a two month frisbee camp, which is the worst thing he’s ever done. I mean, it’s not really bad, but, you know, TWO MONTH FRISBEE CAMP?!

I’d argue Andi’s arc has been the worst of the bunch. Season 2 overall for her has been a lot of messy back and forth about how much she does or doesn’t need Jonah in her life. Her relationship with the GHC remains pretty much the same, which is sort of nice, to keep it as this constant bright spot in her life, but doesn’t allow for a whole lot of drama. And the Bexie stuff has been pretty static for her as well. Andi started the season trying to get them together and didn’t really veer off that path. I feel like even in 2A, when it seemed like Bexie maybe wouldn’t happen, or later, when there were obstacles like Bowie getting a serious girlfriend, Andi never stopped believing that Bex and Bowie had to get married. I’ve enjoyed the growth in her relationships with her immediate family members, but on the whole, her arc has been lacking.

You’re right about Buffy having had the most to do this season. She’s shown strength throughout all of season 2 in various ways, but being strong is fairly consistent with her character. I find her most interesting moments come when she lets her guard down a bit: admitting to Jonah she’s chasing victory to prove to herself she’s strong, admitting to her mother she’s not strong enough to leave her friends. I think finding the ability to forgive those who’ve wronged her -- Amber and TJ -- showed a lot of emotional strength. Buffy’s season has been an interesting study in the ways strength manifests itself, and that sometimes the strongest thing you can do is admit to a weakness.

I know we’ve made a lot about Cyrus’s storylines receiving a lack of visibility, but I will say I think his arc is still a decent one. (For the record, I think not saying “gay” and the fact that he does only have a few explicitly gay moments a season comes from the Mouse up above rather than being a choice made by the writers.) Cyrus has matured a lot over the season. He’s grown, he’s had his Bar Mitzvah, he’s begun to learn what he does and doesn’t want in a relationship. Letting go of his vision of Jonah and moving on (while it upset a lot of viewers) is actually quite a big move for him. He’s trying to see people more for who they are rather than what he’s made them out to be. Plus, he’s starting to gain more confidence, which is great. When you look at his three explicit moments of gayness this season, you see that. The coming out conversation with Buffy was fraught with confusion and fear. His coming out with Andi was much lighter. By the time he’s talking to Buffy about his lost crush on Jonah, it’s business as usual. He’s gay. He can talk about his feelings for a boy (at least to Buffy) with little drama. Here’s to hoping it gets a little more spotlight in season 3.

I want to touch on a couple of the recurring characters, too. (Not TJ. Everyone knows where I stand on TJ’s arc.)

Amber. Poor Amber. My heart goes out to any Amber stans in the audience. Her redemption arc was beaten up and tossed around all over the place. I thought maybe they were heading there in 2A but that whole ferris wheel thing happened. I thought they might try again in 2B, but they just ripped off her eyebrow and forgot about her for almost the entire rest of the season until they suddenly brought her back with a few episodes to go and did a pretty sloppy story. The friendship with Cyrus could maybe work, given some time, but the Buffy thing happened way too fast. And really, Amber’s story is mostly with Jonah and Andi anyway, so why go there? At least she’s starting to get put into a better light. Maybe she’ll finally get to settle things with Jonah and Andi in season 3.

And Walker? He was introduced as this charming, artsy boy, and now, several appearances later, what more do we know about him? Sort of nothing. He’s still a charming, artsy boy. We know he’s coming back for season 3. I’m curious what kind of arc he might have in store for him. What other aspects does he have besides being charming and making art?

[ratemysheppard]

14) The Middleman (part 1)

Title- The Middleman (1x11 The Clotharian Contamination Protocol)

Year- 2008

Character- Manservant Neville

Synopsis- The Middleman is a freelance fixer of unusual and often world-threatening fantastical sci-fi problems. In this episode, protégé Middleman Wendy’s boyfriend Tyler assists a billionaire businessman after a car accident and subsequently gets offered a job. Meanwhile, a NASA probe full of nanobots bent on world domination has crashed to earth and infected Middleman robot Ida…

Medium- Daily Motion, great quality, no ads 

Entirety or episode?- Just this one episode but I am OBSESSED WITH THIS NOW.

Overall verdict- Oh dear lord… where do I start? I ADORE THIS. Like, I have fallen immediately and hard in love with this show and it is glorious. There’s only one season of 12 episodes which is frankly criminal. It’s weird, hokey, adorable, silly, camp, clever, moving, self-referential and chock full of pop culture references. It feels earlier than 2008, and reminds me strongly of a lot of other shows I love (Buffy, Lexx, oldskool Batman, The Mighty Boosh, even Nightvale in places) without really being like any of them. I instantly liked all of the characters and tbh my heart belongs to Ida now. During the course of watching this I laughed so hard I had to pause the show. There were two instances where the dialogue was genuinely moving – Tyler’s music speech, and Wendy’s ‘Last thought theatre’ to Middleman which is everything you ever wanted Buffy to say to Giles. Too many times a show can try too hard to be ‘kooky’ and it just feels uncomfortably contrived, but this is precious, Lexx-levels of genuine wtf.

Screen time- Not a vast amount, but watch it anyway, it’s awesome

Accent- British, with dat husky villainous purr.

Mark’s character- Middleman is adapted from a comic (which I will also be looking up) where the writer apparently based the character of Manservant Neville on Mark Sheppard, and then he played the character in the TV show, which will explain why this character is literally written for him. Manservant Neville (pronounced Mn-SER-vent, obviously) is the type of slick, powerful businessman Crowley takes notes from. Mr S plays him to the hilt with just the perfect balance of charm, overconfidence, magnanimity and veiled menace. This is an awesome performance – played completely straight, yet still fittingly hilarious – and I am hooked.

Highlight- Maximum Aldwin made me hurt myself laughing (and I seriously thought he was being played by Nicholas Brendon for a moment). Everything Ida says and does is glorious. The incessant Die Hard references. Every bit of hilariously convoluted dialogue. “Only an apple dumpling gang of untrained scrubbed po-dunk know-nothings would dream to show up at the potentially toxic aftermath of a pan-galactic incursion with only the bubblegum in their mouths and the air between their ears.” /Standing ovation/ Manservant gets some awesome lines too: “Fate, Mr Ford. Fate.” “(the world)seldom recognises genius and when it does, it squashes it with the abject tedium of compromise” “It’s time for you to stop singing about changing the world. It’s time for you to start doing it.”

Rewatch?- Buy the boxset and superglue your DVD player shut.

[dingoes8myrp]

The Vampire Diaries: Damon or Stefan?

I’ve been marathoning The Vampire Diaries on Netflix. I had watched season 1 and maybe half of 2 when they aired. I caught up at least partway through season 4, then fell off. But, here I am again. I saw so many posts about the ending on Twitter and Tumblr I need to know what happened and how. Disclaimer: I’m currently mid-season 2 and only hazily remember up to mid-season 4 (ish). I’ve gotten a lot of spoilers already, so I’m not too worried about them. But, I don’t really know much about character growth and development beyond season 4 (ish), so keep that in mind as you’re reading.

I should preface this by saying I went into The Vampire Diaries expecting it to be The Lost Boys meets Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It gave me more of a One Tree Hill meets Twilight vibe, which I didn’t really dig. This is because I really love The Lost Boys and Buffy the Vampire Slayer for how they utilize vampires as metaphor and achieve a decent camp/drama balance. Expecting something like that and getting more of a tortured love triangle peppered with Damon snark was a bit of a hard left turn I didn’t like.

However, rewatching the first few seasons having seen them before and knowing what to expect, I’m finding the show much more enjoyable than I did the first time around. Part of this I think has to do with how closely they kept everything to the vest during seasons 1 and 2. I had a hard time figuring out why anyone was doing anything and was constantly yelling at the TV because everyone was doing awful or stupid things for no apparent reason. Not so on a rewatch!

So, I think most of my avoidance of TVD was due to incorrect expectations on my part and the stylistic writing choice to keep the audience in the dark about a lot of things. Neither of those is the show’s fault. It just didn’t sit well with me at the time.

As I’m watching, the obvious question that keeps coming to mind is “Stefan or Damon?” It’s the question Elena and Caroline are often faced with when it comes to romance. Others, like Bonnie, often have to choose a side, as the Salvatore brothers are rarely in agreement on how to handle anything. As a viewer, I find myself torn over who to side with most of the time.

I tend to side with Stefan when it comes to situational or tactical stuff. How do we get the moonstone away from Katherine? How do we deal with the werewolf in the woods? Anything involving a carefully thought out and precisely executed plan. Stefan is great with these situations. I think this is because he’s very skilled with self-control and restraint in general. He has no problem keeping his emotions in check and focusing on what has to be done. Damon is more of a murder first, don’t ask questions ever kind of dude. Not the best guy to have in the mix when precision and control are key.

However.

If I don’t want to die four times over by the end of the week in this universe, you bet your ass I’m going to be glued to Damon. If I get snatched by some thousand-year-old vampire with an axe or six to grind with several of my friends, I don’t want the guy who’s going to pace the floor trying to think of a plan while I’m getting my eyeballs ripped out of their sockets or whatever the fuck those guys do. I want the guy who’s going to haul ass to where I am, yell at me for getting kidnapped, then scare me into doing whatever I need to do to get out of there (that I’m sure as shit going to be too terrified to think of myself). Damon is great in situations where swift action and hard, fast decisions are needed. If Stefan’s the strategy guy, Damon’s the boots on the ground.

And then, of course, there’s the romance angle or whatever.

Okay, this is a tough one because knowing what I know as a viewer about these two, I wouldn’t want to end up with either of them. Both of them are deceptive and manipulative, just in different ways.

Stefan is very open about his feelings and his thoughts. If he’s upset you’re going to know. If you’re upset he’s going to ask you what’s going on. He’s a great communicator and a great listener. He’s the shoulder you cry on and the guy who gives you sage advice. However, he’s also the guy who has a shady, psychotic ex he forgot to mention who might just Single White Female your ass while you’re checking your makeup in the bathroom at a party. And there’s the substance abuse problem that creeps up on you when you’re knee-deep in this relationship and you find yourself checking the guy’s house for a hidden stash while dealing with his weird mood swings.

Damon is very open about his past and what he’s capable of. Yeah, he killed that chick you saw on the news. Katherine? Oh, yeah. They were a thing. He lays out his own dirty laundry plus everybody else’s. He’ll tell you where all the skeletons are, literal and figurative. And he’ll be charming as hell while he’s doing it (otherwise it’d be creepy). However, the guy could be in love with you for months and you’d have no idea because he chooses to show it by assaulting your friends and coming up with elaborate schemes that are actually excuses for an awkward team-up. And when you interpret this, correctly, as this guy being a crazy asshole, he might snap and kill somebody you care about because HOW DARE YOU? You know what you’re getting into with Damon, but you have no idea you’re even in it because he’s carried on an entire relationship with you in his head Nurse Betty style. And he’s mad at you because you’re not acknowledging the relationship you don’t know you’re in. So you’re in a fight. And being on the wrong side of Damon is no bueno.

These are two crazy people, you guys. Legit. You have a guy who loves you and shows you that, but whose secrecy might get you kidnapped, maimed, or killed while he’s figuring out how to rescue you. Then you have a guy who’s going to tell you everything you want to know and more, but who’s going to make you guess what he’s thinking and fly off and kill somebody if you’re wrong.

Honestly, I think I’d pick Klaus over either of them, but that’s a whole different post topic.

Between Stefan and Damon in the romance department, I’d like to think I’d pick Stefan. As shitty as his past is, he’s a well-intentioned guy who’s always working on himself. And he’s somebody you can invite to a party without worrying he’s going to kill one of your friends for no apparent reason (and if that was a reasonable possibility there’d be signs, so you could, you know, cancel that party or leave his bloodthirsty ass at home in the dungeon). But, knowing myself, I’d probably end up with Damon. He’s charming and charismatic. He’s not super into having deep conversations about “where this is going” so there doesn’t seem to be any pressure to hanging out with him. And he’s fun, great at getting you to have a little fun.

I guess this makes Caroline my TVD spirit animal.

Overall, I think if I were a person living in this universe I’d lean more toward Stefan because he seems like the more reliable of the two if you don’t know better. As a viewer, I find Damon somehow more predictable in the way that you know he’s a wild card a lot of the time. I also find Damon’s motivations behind things more relatable than Stefan’s.

Conclusion: Stefan’s the more stalwart hero whereas Damon has the more interesting story. And they’re both fucked as love interests, so no to all of that.