#it's interwoven with a lot of our life experience

[tenderwatches]

Before they cracked Hextech together, Jayce Talis and Viktor were destined for very different paths in Piltover. Now, years after a bitter betrayal has torn them apart, Viktor returns to the City of Progress—not by choice, but necessity. The chasm between them seems insurmountable: Viktor's resentment of the exploitation that shapes Piltover's progress, Jayce's naïve faith in the system, and unspoken truths that have distorted over time. But things are changing. As mysterious troubles threaten both Piltover and Zaun, Jayce and Viktor must work together to save their cities—if they can save Viktor first. In a city built on the promise that anyone can rise through hard work and talent alone, they're forced to confront the lies that have festered in silence—about progress, privilege, and, most of all, about each other. A story about the shape of people, learning to love, and what it truly means to change the world. — Coming to Ao3 next week???? anyhoot we were trying to think up summaries for the story but this one is way too long for Ao3 so im just slapping it here. what do y'all think? 👀

[applebuttercringe]

Asexual Viktor Controversy Explained (By an Asexual)

You may have heard of the new controversy tearing the Arcane community apart. To summarize: Christian Linke (Co-creator of Arcane) was asked in a german interview about Jayvik and responded that it is not canon by explaining that Viktor is intended to be Asexual. He then talked about the importance of Asexual representation.

This has sparked a number of reactions from Arcane fans, and especially Asexual Arcane fans. Most of the reactions are some mixture of the following points.

Reasons people don't like it:

It's just to invalidate Jayvik: A lot of people are angry because Christian Linke is well known for not liking Jayvik, and so some people believe he only said Viktor was Asexual in order to try and get rid of Jayvik. Thus creating the impression that the only purpose of making Viktor Asexual was to invalidate an mlm relationship. Or that Christian Linke only did it because he is homophobic.

It wasn't in the show: The claim that this was always the intention for Viktors character is brought into doubt when you consider that this obscure interview is the only time Viktor has ever been said to be Asexual. Several of the other writers, animators, and artists who worked on Arcane have said Jayvik is canon. Which creates the impression that this was not an intentional choice that was discussed thoroughly in the writers room and interwoven into the story, but rather a last minute addition by Christian Linke after the fact. Kind of like J.K. Rowling making Dumbeldore gay or Hermione black in a tweet, just added for attention and representation points. Asexual people deserve purposeful depictions.

It plays into Asexual stereotypes: A common and very damaging stereotype about Asexual people is that they are emotionless, lonely, or inhuman. With so many people believing romance is what makes us human, or that it is unnatural to not experience sexuality and therefore it is bad. Often lack of romantic or sexual desire is equated to lack of any kind of love or emotional coldness. Viktors story is largely about him being isolated and lonely for most of his life, being abandonned by his only close relationships, and eventually ridding himself of all emotions. He is shown to hate human emotion and actively tries to rid himself of his own humanity. It isn't hard to see how Viktor being the only Asexual representation in the show could reinforce harmful stereotypes about Asexual people. He has a whole monologue where he disavows human passion. This is really what bothers me about Viktor's Asexuality confirmation. If this really was intentional, they were playing into stereotypes. The only asexual character being made into an inhuman villain who's motivation is hatred for emotion and gets their via rejection of love is pretty rough.

It plays into stereotypes about Disabled people: This I know the least about, so I will just summarize what I have seen. Disabled people are often portrayed as sexless as a result of their perceived "undesirableness". This creates a steretype of equating disabledness to uglyness to asexuality. This is damaging as it perpetuated many stereotypes. It is used to infantalize both disabled and asexual people. It also treats asexuality like a symptom of a disorder. Good resources to learn more:

Christian Linke doesn't seem to understand Asexuality: Christian Linke calls Viktor Asexual. But it seems that the terminology he meant to use is Asexual/Aromantic. He seems to say that Jayvik CAN'T be canon becasue Viktor is asexual, but asexual doesn't mean aromantic. He can be Ace and Gay. Thus how him being asexual doesn't invalidate Jayvik. If he really did intend for Asexual Viktor to be canon this whole time, he probably should have done more research about the nature of Asexuality.

Creating controversy: Considering the all consuming power house that Jayvik has become in the Arcane fandom, it should have been expected that the co-creator rebuffing it would not be taken well. This whole thing has sparked a lot of discourse and caused for both Jayvik shippers to be inundated with comments of people calling them acephobic for shipping Jayvik, and Asexual Viktor enjoyers being shouted down. A lot of asexual fans are annoyed by the communities violently negative response to Asexual Viktor. Overall it feels like this whole thing has just thrown everyone under the bus.

Reasons people did like it:

Asexual Representation!: Asexual people are some of the least represented of the Queer community. They are also some of the most misunderstood by popular culture. A show as popular as Arcane having a canon Asexual charachter is a huge win, especially one as beloved by the community as Viktor. Despite the sometimes stereotypicalness of his story, many Asexual people deeply connect with Viktor and headcanoning him as Aro/Ace has been popular since Season 1.

Reading Jayvik as a deeply loving platonic relationship is very touching for Asexual people especially. One of the most prevalent stereotypes about Aro/Ace people is that their lives are lonely or meaningless because they don't experience sexual/romantic love. This is of course wrong, and deeply Amatonormative. Arcane depicting a deeply close, world endingly loving platonic relationship between two men is great and sorely needed. For this reason many Asexual people love this development as it shows a fulfilling, important, loving relationship that is sex free. Breaking one of the biggest stereotypes about Asexual people and the very nature of love. In this way Platonic Jayvik is just as groundbreaking a story as Romantic Jayvik.

Doesn't invalidate Jayvik: Asexuality is a spectrum, and it is distinct from being Aromantic. Asexual people can experience occasional sexual attraction, or be sex neutral and still have sex for the benefit of a partner. Viktor being Asexual doesn't disqualify him from being gay, or being in a romantic/sexual relationship with Jayce. It doesn't stop Jayvik from existing in the way Christian Linke seems to think it does.

Final Thought: I'm Asexual. I.... like the idea. However the execution leaves a lot to be desired. The foundation is their but this is still a deeply flawed piece of representation (if we even consider it representation at all). It feels like the kind of idea that we will see written so much better on AO3. I look forward to seeing that.

In terms of Jayvik, I don't think it is Acephobic to continue to ship Jayvik/write Jayvik Smut. the canonicity of this is dubious anyways and considering how wide spread and loved Jayvik is it would be ridiculous to demand people stop writing about them, or delete their hundred thousand word fanfictions/fancomics just because of an interview. People are deeply invested in Jayvik, it would suck to take that away. Keep doing what you are doing. I fully stand by the idea that Jayvik is left purposely open to interpretation. I love Platonic and Romantic Jayvik.

Fuck it. Trans/Genderfluid/Asexual/Gay Viktor. Thats what I believe.

(Please don't harass any of the people who's tweets were included)

[invisibleicewands]

Michael Sheen steps into the shoes of Prince Andrew, and Emily had insider advice for him, too. “I spent a lot of time talking to Michael about elements of the interview that you couldn’t get from the actual tape; Andrew’s demeanour before the interview and how happy he was afterwards.”

Michael says shooting the interview scenes was “intense”. “The interview is the heart of the piece so there was a lot of pressure. And something else I found interesting is that this story still needs to be out there, and not brushed under the carpet,” he says.

The Mirror

Michael Sheen: Andrew Newsnight interview series explores ‘dangers of privilege’

Michael Sheen has said his new series based on the infamous Newsnight interview with the Duke of York is about the “dangers of privilege and entitlement”.

The Welsh actor, 55, portrays the duke in the upcoming Prime Video series A Very Royal Scandal, which depicts the interview in which former BBC journalist Emily Maitlis grilled Andrew over his relationship with paedophile financier Jeffrey Epstein.

Luther actress Ruth Wilson takes on the part of Maitlis for the three episodes, which explore the events surrounding the high-profile interview.

Speaking about the show’s message ahead of the launch next week, Sheen said: “The more we’ve been working on it, it’s become clearer and clearer to me that it’s a story about the dangers of privilege and the dangers of entitlement, both for the person who has that privilege and entitlement but also for the society that is the context for it.

“And how easy it becomes to exploit people and situations, and to feel justified in doing that somehow.

“Or to not even think about it too much because you don’t have to, and the injustice in that.

“And when that happens, it is very difficult for people who have very little privilege and very little power or voice to confront that and to get people to listen.

“And so, I hope that an audience will come away from this having had an experience of that and seeing the far-reaching effects. Not only for within this story but within our culture.”

During the Newsnight exclusive, the duke was questioned on allegations that Epstein’s victim Virginia Giuffre was trafficked to have sex with him when she was aged 17.

Following the BBC broadcast in November 2019 and the furore over Andrew’s friendship with Epstein, the duke stepped down from public life.

Michael Sheen talks "exhausting" scenes with Ruth Wilson for new drama

[...] Sheen, who plays Prince Andrew in the new drama, spoke exclusively to Digital Spy about filming the groundbreaking interview in long takes, which were both "exhausting" and "thrilling".

It was one of the few times on the drama that the Good Omens star worked with Ruth Wilson, who plays Emily Maitlis, and they shot the scenes over a couple of days.

He said: "We had put so much work into it. The research and the studying of it and the talking about it, so that it felt like the stakes were very high. Knowing that the interview itself is the heart of the piece and so much comes out of that – it's about building up to it and then about the aftermath."

In the drama, the interview plays out in interwoven segments throughout the second episode. Given that it was "chopped up", Sheen said he and Wilson felt they should run the takes of the interview for as long as they could.

"The first few times we did any filming on the interview, each take was about 19-20 minutes long," Sheen said. "For anyone who doesn't know how the process works, that's incredibly long for a take.

"So there was a real crackle in the air when we were doing it. It was thrilling. It was exhausting. By the time we finished each take, it was like having come off stage doing a play. But it was amazing. I will never forget what it was like doing those early takes of that."

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼(the dynamics here are fascinating! Such an interesting take on how their lives could have gone so differently)

➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰(this one omg!!! What does eddie know? What does the clock mean? How long until buck is fully aware? WHAT IS GOING ON?? Can’t wait to find out!)

☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️(athena POV! I love it! Gerrard being dead! I love it! Having all the interrogations be interwoven to help build a picture of the whole night! I love it! It feels very oceans 911)

Also I gotta say that I LOVE when you include a mystery emoji/story on one of your responses to me! This happening twice now has me feeling genuinely so honored!

Ahhh happy to give you all the surprise emojis! Who knows, I MAY have another one soon...

33 for 🔼(thank you so much!!!):

---

With Shannon and Eddie getting along better after telling Chris about the baby, she’s seeing more of him. Not that Eddie has kept him from her at all since Christmas. He hasn’t. But with them communicating better, it’s just easier for her to spend more quality time with him. With her feeling better, too, she can watch him more. Eddie is slowly relying on Carla less and less, and Shannon more and more. She’s resumed going over to his place to stay with Chris when he’s working. Something she didn’t think she’d get again. At least not for a while. On top of that, Chris is happy again. Their work to prove his fears wrong has paid off; he seems secure in her being around and he’s excited about the baby. About being a big brother. He’s filled with curiosity about everything and asks her questions whenever he sees her. It warms her heart and soothes her anxieties. She can do this without hurting Christopher any more than she already has. 

The other recent development, of course, is Maddie. The friendship she hadn’t known she’d needed until Buck arranged it. Shannon and Maddie hit it off immediately. Despite being a bit older than her - there is quite an age difference between Maddie and Buck, apparently - Shannon and Maddie immediately found common ground in the life experience of starting over in this city. Both moving forward from a lot of guilt and baggage, some days more successfully than others. Beyond that, they just have a similar conversational style. Maddie is kind and smart, but funny. Not afraid to poke fun. Shannon feels at ease around her. They’ve been seeing each other weekly, and texting a lot, too. They have plans to go shopping next week, after Shannon and Eddie find out the sex of the baby. For the first time since high school, Shannon has a social life to look forward to. 

Maddie isn’t the only Buckley she’s finding herself on friendly terms with, either. Shannon and Buck have struck up quite a rapport pre-physio. Shannon finds herself arriving early on purpose, just to extend their conversations. There’s something about him. 

---

96 for ➰ (ALL GREAT QUESTIONS!):

---

He’s feeling a bit better. He doesn’t know why. It’s like the looming dread has evaporated. A cloud passing overhead. Honestly, the moment they walked away from that kayak rack, Buck felt a lot lighter. Which is weird. He had a bad feeling, and… And he… He avoided getting hurt. But how did he know to do that? Just like Eddie asked. Why did he have that feeling?

Because you remember it, something small in the back of his head is telling him. But that’s impossible, so he tries to shove it down. 

“I don’t know,” Eddie replies. He still seems off. Quiet. Like he adopted Buck’s bad mood when Buck shirked it. “We can always just go back to the hotel and take it easy?” 

“What?” Chris complains. “That’s boring!”

“Aw, Eddie come on,” Buck adds, reaching for the driver’s side door of the Jeep. “It’s our last day here. We wanted to go swimming.”

“There’s a pool at the hotel,” Eddie reminds him. “We can swim there.”

Buck feels like he’s had this conversation before. 

“I want to go to the beach,” Chris says.

“Yeah, me too.” Buck agrees. “Unless something is wrong?”

Eddie narrows his eyes at Buck. Like Buck has asked him something mildly offensive. Buck raises an eyebrow. He has no idea what’s wrong! 

“No, you’re right. Let’s go to the beach,” Eddie concedes. “Whatever makes the two of you happy.” 

➰➰➰

They swim and enjoy the beach. It’s almost a really nice afternoon. Buck has a lot of energy, and he and Chris spend a ton of time in the water and exploring the long, flat stretch of sand. They wander off towards the rocks, to look at tidal pools, crabs, and other little creatures. Eddie follows behind them, watching them like a hawk circling overhead. 

It’s strange. The whole afternoon, he doesn’t ever fully participate in what they're doing. He’s there, but not totally present. He has a distance to him, and yet he’s never not watching. And where, usually, he’d be keeping his eyes specifically on Chris, today he’s not. Today his eyes are glued on Buck. 

“Are you sure everything is okay?” Buck asks him several times over the course of the afternoon.

“Yeah,” Eddie replies. “Everything is perfectly fine.”

But it’s clearly a lie. 

Buck helps Chris up onto one of the rocks to look at a sea urchin.

“I really like that purple color,” Chris observes.

“Me too,” Buck replies. “Man, we’ve seen a lot of cool wildlife today, haven’t we?”

Even as he says it, he realizes none of it has felt very novel. Except maybe this exact moment. He doesn’t know if he’s seen what he’s looking at now, before. But the otters? The seals? The opalescent slug thingies? None of those felt like a first glimpse at a magical other world. It felt like a painting of something beautiful he stares at every day. 

Why does it feel like that?

“We have!” Chris agrees. He doesn’t seem to hold any of Buck’s lack of wonder. “This has been the coolest trip ever.”

Buck smiles at him. “I’m so glad, Chris. I’ve had a pretty good time, too.”

Chris steps away from Buck and crouches down to look at one of the pools. A wave crashes nearby, sending a small flood of water over their feet. 

“Careful,” Buck advises. 

“I’m okay!” Chris insists. 

“Don’t want you to fall in. Then you’d be the sea urchin.”

“Buck.” 

If no one else is going to chuckle at his joke, he will. 

In the distance, Buck hears two gulls squabbling. He turns to look, shifting his balance just as another wave crashes. The rush of water is more forceful than expected, despite his own advice to Christopher. Buck stumbles a little, unable to regain his footing. With a flipping feeling in his stomach, Buck falls backward. 

He only feels it for a second when his head cracks off the jagged ocean rocks.

---

57 for ☠️ (THANK YOU! That's sort of the vibe I am going for!):

---

“We’re just doing our due diligence, Mr. Han,” Ransone replies. “Making sure we have all the information necessary before ruling the death accidental.”

“Right,” Chim says. “But you only asked about Tommy. Not Hen.”

“We’ve already spoken with Mrs. Wilson.” 

Chim starts to sweat a little. “Uh, listen, okay… Come on. Tommy didn’t do this.”

Oh boy. Chim panicking is never a good thing. He’s not the coolest under pressure.

“I didn’t say he did,” Ransone replies. “You jumped to that conclusion, though.”

“I did? No! I mean. I didn’t.” 

“Why didn’t Tommy do this?” Ransone asks. 

“What?”

“If you’re very sure Mr. Kinnard couldn’t have killed Captain Gerrard, tell me why?” 

Chim blinks, like he hadn’t expected this question.

“Well, uh… First of all, he’s dating my brother-in-law, so… So I trust Buck’s taste in men, right?” Chim starts. “Second, he’s changed a lot.” 

“Changed?” Ransone lasers in on this choice in diction. 

Athena sighs. If Chim wants to protect his friend, he’s doing a bad job. 

“Yeah,” Chim nods. “He’s not the same guy he was when Gerrard was our captain the first time. When I met him.”

“What kind of guy was he then?” Ransone asks. 

“I… Wait. No, that’s not what I meant,” Chim stammers. 

“What did you mean?”

“I plead the fifth!” Chim exclaims. 

“That’s not how that works, Mr. Han,” Ransone sighs. 

Chim’s face is very red. “Listen, Tommy is a better man now, but I didn’t mean to imply he was, like, capable of murder when we worked under Gerrard together.”

“Then what was he like?” Ransone presses. 

“I don’t know,” Chim shrugs. “Colder? Meaner? More affected by others’ opinions?”

Ransone nods. “I see.”

“Buck wouldn’t date a killer! He knows Tommy well!” 

[allthatglittersisnotgoldrush]

This isn’t necessarily a question about the story, but rather a question for the storytellers: does your interest in the story—or continuing the story—ever waver?

Hi there, TolkienGirl here! The short answer is no. In a way I like to think mirrors Tolkien's own experience of making The Silmarillion his life work, the AU has become a creative beating heart in my daily routine, and I think I can speak for my co-authors there too. Whether we are writing, reading, editing, scheming, or memeing (there are so many inside jokes in our daily groupchat), the interwoven plotlines and chronologies of the AU have a lot to offer as fodder, whatever one's mood or bandwidth.

Of course, five and a half years or so in, the rhythm is different than it was at the start, when any of us could just spin glorious speculation into canon :D. Now, we have to do consistency checks. We have to review to make sure that we're not repeating an idea or missing some insight that characters have already gained or backing ourselves into a corner that we're going to need to get out of in a few plot beats. So the planning is a lot more intensive and painstaking. I think all the authors are now more confident, too, about characterization and relationship, which leads to discussions that don't always directly translate to the page. And, of course, sometimes life gets in the way of writing, and updates slow down.

But the excitement and eagerness to tell the story hasn't waned, I think in large part because it feels like a narrative we're revealing, not inventing. Whenever I write what feels like a successful installment, I get to react to it as an enthusiastic reader, as well as its writer. That, combined with the absolute best Co-creators acting as fellow revealers of the Divine Inspiration, peer-editors and super-fans... It's pretty great 😃

Onwards and upwards!

[cowboy-robooty]

Robooty Reviews: Oni To Tengoku (8.9/10) ROBOOTY PERSONAL FAVORITE

(in my heart its a 10/10)

Atsurou Aoki is an english teacher who has some mad fuckin self esteem issues. hes our beautiful pathetic man protag and he ends up tangled up in a relationship of sorts with the school nurse, Manabu Tengoku. Its a dry premise and honestly the first volume requires you to sludge through a lot of average yaoi evil shit but please please please im begging you endure okay. i have been an oni to tengoku-er since 2019 and ive been following the development of the sequel (oni to tengoku sai) and the (now third) sequel (oni to tengoku kyuu) of this series and GOD. ILL BE REAL IM A MANIAC AND PROBABLY GOT A LOT MORE OUT OF THIS SERIES THAN THE AUTHOR INTENDED AT ALL BUT IDGAF PLEASE READ IT PERHAPS YOU CAN EXPERIENCE THE SAME ENLIGHTENING AS ME. READ MORE HAS SPOILERS BE WARNED (PART 1 CUZ OF TUMBLR IMAGE LIMIT)

this will be a little different than usual because i have a whole lot to say about aoki and tengoku. Really, a lot of this will be just talking about how and why i like their relationship so if you end up liking this you should most definately read the full manga to experience it for yourself

Despite all the fuckin bullshit of the first volume, the manga is really fucking good at interweving in its core themes and setting up the psychological basis of Aoki. Aoki was abused by his mother as a child, but i think the depiction of abuse is really realistic because even though she whittles down his self esteem and makes him feel worthless she hugs him afterwards and still is motherly towards him, this aoki doesnt hate his mother and fully cut her off per say but she is a demon to him. its pretty realistic imo where parents can do awful things but they buy you a donut and then its like ermm well.. they bought me a donut and do this in my best interest so its okay. Aoki is fucked in the head though. because he doesnt feel like he can be loved deep down and his entire career path is something he chose only because it was expected of him by his family (and his entire life is grasping at straws in an attempt to not disappoint people)

he wants more than anything to just not be an embarassment and be "worthy" of being loved. I like how this is depicted because again it feels more realistic in that he isnt outwardly a freak about it or anything he doesnt have breakdowns in public or anything thats enough to warrent himself to feel like he needs to get help. but he definately does need help of some sort because his way of thinking and the constant guilt and shame he feels is just something thats normal to him now. hes just tired and a bit worn down, but its not like anything is exceptionally bad, since humans are surprisingly adaptable and hes just lived with feeling like hes an embarassment who disappoints people his entire life so its norm.

Tengoku obviously doesnt mean it in the way aoki is taking is. but its things like this that make the themes feel well interwoven to me. Aoki doesnt look tengoku in the eye and say "i have mommy issues and feel like being an embarassment is the reason i cant be loved" but he still shows it in a way that we the audience can see he means, since we can put together aoki's lifestyle and viewpoint from his inner dialogues and flashbacks to his mother's abuse. Aoki wants more than anything else to be a good boy because only good boys can be loved. and unfortunately for aoki san this kind of means he has developed a praise kink and good boy fetish which tengoku just naturally leans towards so erm haha tengoku just pushing those buttons all willy nilly!

Tengoku isnt an idiot though, as he pursues aoki he can definately connect the dots and all that shit for how aoki ticks. This isnt exactly hard to do anyways, since aoki passively talks about himself to tengoku during non crazy scenes and its not like hes an enigma or anything because again, he thinks that the way he lives is completely normal for a guy like him. Tengoku likes aoki and chases him and aoki isnt exactly a willing participant. Tengoku likes aoki because hes a fun plaything and interesting and pure hearted and everything tengoku is not and aoki begins to form an affection for tengoku because he itches the mental illness brain damage spot by pursuing and wanting him consistently and not getting bored.

These panels are true brain damage pages because it hits upon how all aoki wants is for someone to look at him directly and still want him. His greatest wish (that he doesnt even believe could come true at the bottom of his heart) is to have someone that could see him for who he is and despite all his flaws. despite how hes useless, despite how hes not good at anything (to him), despite how hes bad at relationships, despite how he cant talk with other people, and despite what an embarassment he is, still love and want him. Seriously, I must recommend you to read this for yourself. Theres the yaoi bullshit sludge but every chapter has bits and pieces of Aoki's mindset that is an insanely good representation and depiction of how that kind of mentality and acceptance is like.

Volume 2 is where things really pick up. Yaoi sludge has been toned down to make way for FUCKING SWAG!!!! the set up for aoki's mentality is done now were onto getting into the way tengoku and aoki's personalities actually interact with eachother. Along with dipping into tengokus crazy bitch syndrome

Over this volume, were shown that actually aoki and tengoku are a good match for eachother. At least, tengoku provides something special for aoki in that he doesnt know from personal experience the feeling of needing to earn love, but because of that he bounces off well with aoki because he shows basic interest in going "well your feelings and thoughts do matter though. youre a person too". this isnt explicitly said, but its little things liks this that end up making aoki fall in love with him. Aoki falling in love with tengoku is also interesting because this is his first time actively liking someone else because its what he wants, not because its what the other person expects. Despite how terrible their relationship was at first, it set a ground where Aoki was able to create a strong connection with someone without the initial fear of disappointing them since he even didnt like tengoku at first. Honestly with the way Aoki is I think that is why hes able to love tengoku out of his volition, since he already has shown his shameful parts to him and tengoku still wants him-- in fact tengoku is the only person who has seen Aoki's shame and refused to let him go, this lets Aoki take a breather and think about what HE desires for once instead of how to keep someone with him or do whats good for the other person/not shameful.

Also a new teacher is introduced who actually is one of the many guys Tengoku had play-boyed before who became a teacher just so he could try to win tengokus love lol. but he serves as a plot device for that yaoi jealousy arc WOOOHOOOO! I love the jealousy chapter a lot though because BOTH CHARACTERS experience jealousy in their own way. I'm not sure if what Aoki experiences can be classified under jealousy or not, but ill just say it is because thats easier. The chapter is wonderfully done though because see Tengoku has always been the one who chases Aoki but also the one who reminds him that he doesnt fall in love this is just a sex playboy thing. Aoki is the one who has fallen in love and does show this by treating Tengoku specially, but Tengoku obviously doesnt reciprocate this since the way he acts at least is more like Aoki is his favorite of a bunch of toys rather than his one and only like how Aoki sees him. Aoki feels bitterness over this because he wishes he could be loved by Tengoku since Tengoku is somewhat wishy washy and gives Aoki just enough to keep hope but also smushes that hope by refusing a drop more. (this is done though bc this is fucking yaoi ofc tengoku loves aoki to bits and pieces back but tengoku is just scared of liking aoki too much and showing it too much but hold on we havent gotten to tengokus insanity yet jeeeesus christ!). Also im kind of at the tumblr 10 image limit but I think showing these next three pages are really important so ermm me when i post this and then add a reblog or two with MORE BULLSHIT. I'll properly tag the versions with my reblogs

[mask131]

I was listening to a video about bad fandoms and how they ruin media etc etc...

And every time I hear about someone's experience being ruined by a bad fandom I think about one specific thing. How newer and younger generations grew up with the Internet and with social media - and as a result, for them, a social interaction will be first and foremost about the Internet. As such, when they want to enjoy or appreciate a media, they go to the Internet, and seek discussion and aporoval there.

But... As someone who grew up before the Internet was a thing everybody had. As someone who grew up in a household where the Internet was only my mother's work-tool, and definitively not for children, and barely used - as someone whose first connections to the Internet were done in cyber-cafes and by libraries' computers only when I was a teenager...

I remember and lived through a time where all the Internet fandoms DID NOT EXIST. And then, you could enjoy fully a media without worrying about the "fans". Heck, I lived in a time where people sometimes never met other fans of a given piece of media until several decades after discovering it! The invasion of the Internet and the wild colonization of social media in our society tend to make younger generations forget that medias will exist outside of a fando, and can survive a fandom. That the fandom is a byproduct of a media's existence, and is NOT NEEDED to consume, appreciate or dislike a piece of media.

I mean... I can give you dozens of shows I watched as a kid and a pre-teen that I was madly in love with, that I bought merch for, that I did fan-art of. And all that without ever encountering any other fan or hearing anybody else's opinion about the show. I just watched it, enjoyed it, and went on with my life. One CAN enjoy a media ALL ON THEIR OWN and all alone. It was how people did it for CENTURIES before you.

You clearly see how new generations' minds are shaped by the "Share this video" logic and by the "Comment section" structure. They are so used to see everybody sharing their opinion, they are so used to only read or see the most popular opinions, they are so used to see a media being SURROUNDED by fan reactions, that they end up believing in some warped way that they NEED to be part of a fandom, or that a media is equal and interwoven with its fandom. When the truth is that it is not.

There are tons of excellent pieces of media whose fandom died a long time ago, and yet the media is still there ; and same thing with hatedoms. On the other side, there are lots of pieces of media that never even got a fandom to begin with.

The whole "Fandom is everything" logic (that many people live by unconsciously) is only a fragment of a wider "community" phenomenon on the Internet, where everything must be a "community" and there is no individuality anymore. But here is the lesson and the moral to take out of things: If a piece of media is good, you can enjoy it, even if the fanbase or fandom is "bad". When you like a piece of media, you are NOT forced to interact with other fans or to care what the fandom as a whole thinks. You can be a fan, and not feel forced or obliged to be part of any "dom". And if someone "ruins" an experience of a media for you, always try to remember what YOU like about the media, and your singular enjoyment of it, and your own personal relationship with it.

I speak of experience here because when I first started sharing things about Sandman on Tumblr, I got into a bad situation with a crazy, bullying, obsessive fan of Sandman. It was all a pretty pathetic situation on all parts - because I was a young teen who wrote too hastily some posts without thinking about how my words could sound, and the other was a much older person who was hyper-focused on being the ultimate authority on Sandman (this person still tries to be the supreme ruler of the Sandman fandom by controlling Discors servers and making their blog the number one source of information about Sandman). This misunderstanding turned petty feud left me with a nasty and bitter taste that prevented me from sharing anything Sandman related - and did kill a bit of my Sandman joy... But I didn't left that ruin me. I wasn't going to leave one bad, rotten piece of mind make me unlove something I adored before. Because this is a person that exists OUTSIDE of Sandman, outside of the comic, outside of the media, and that I could have never even met if things had taken a different path.

I was bummed out that I couldn't share anything Sandman related anymore, because this person was stalking every Sandman post on this website, but I had to set my mind right because for YEARS and YEARS I did not share anything Sandman related, and it never bummed me out before. I collected Sandman volumes each year, for special occasions and given sasons - I have a whole personal history and experiences with this comic, tied to specific holidays like Christmas or gifts given by people that aren't here anymore. I was certainly NOT going to deny or renounce to a whole part of my life and to a personal relationship I had with a story, just because of some anger-prone person that clearly had a sorry life if they had nothing better to do than jump on the back of any foolish kid that miswrote something and yell at them like some self-righteous so-called teacher. A person I didn't even know, who didn't even knew the real me, and that I would never meet, and that I could easily block since their only presence was virtual.

[I also got a bit better upon seeing that I wasn't the only "victim" that had to suffer this person's slightly unhinged and very obsessive behavior, and that other reasonable person also got attacked - and I admit I laughed my ass off when I saw that this same person got a nickname around that they disliked but that actually described them so well from an outsider's point of view, it put into words everything I had felt and perceived from my few interactions. I won't say it here because I know it apparently hurts this person, and there's no need to answer misery with misery, but that was just something part of the whole crazy story]

Anyway after this very long digression - this is my personal story. For years and years I enjoyed Sandman as a comic, made it a yearly ritual, had personal experiences with it, all of that without meeting anyone else who knew or enjoyed Sandman (most people either being disinterested or laughing it off). And yet, because of this warped Internet logic that screws people minds, because one very present fan very present online was a bad person and attacked me on ground of me being some sort of "fake fan"... I should just threw these years to the bin? Certainly not! I love Sandman and it shaped some special events of my life, and that's something no one else will live, no one else will know, and that no one can "ruin" for me.

So no, I do not understand when people say that a piece of media couldn't be liked because of its fandom. A media exists outside of its fandom, before a fandom is born, and will probably survive said fandom. What truly happens to these people - which is something they do not actually understand, and that they need to realize, the same way I realized it - is that bad fans will ruin one's PERCEPTION of a show, will give a person bad memories of a comic, will ruin things around a movie or even cause trauma related to a cartoon. But when you consider things more carefully you will realize that a bad fandom in itself - that your personal bad experience with a fandom - won't change what the show or cartoon or comic or movie or anime truly is. Think about how you perceived the media before knowing about its fandom or before your bad interactions - and hold on to that, because this is YOURS and YOURS only. Try to imagine how you would have answered to a piece of media if you had no knowledge of its fans. Try to see and perceive a media while omitting all things that do not come from the media itself.

Ultimately, it is a question of not letting others enter in your head. What you do by letting bad fandoms "ruin" your perception of a media, is that you let others infect your life and warp up your mind and smear something you had, with their toxic, venomous, stupid, hateful behavior. It is a form of mind-invasion, similar to things like brainwashing peer pressure, and I think it is something people do not talk enough about.

Be strong. Do not let them win. Try to find back what is YOUR opinion and your feelings, truly your own. Or stand by your position and do not let people's bad behavior cut off yourself from the media. It is not because someone acted badly in a theater play's audience or an opera-house that the play or opera shown in it was bad. I think this is the most impactful metaphor I can come up with. If someone starts insulting everyone within a theater play's audience, will you blame the actors or the playwright for it? Will it forbid you from reading the play's script or from seeing another performance? Will you say to people "No, do not go watch this play, the audience is really bad"?

I hope this post can help

[runthepockets]

I think it’s less a “hype” around that lifestyle and more a collective cope for a subsection of online trans culture. Obviously some people will do drugs just to do them & whatever. But being an oppressed group a lot of us turn to drugs/end up around them as a cope and circlejerk bad habits in online trans spaces unfortunately

Disagree. My previous friendgroup was like this IRL and I knew most of those people for 2-3 years. I still meet people like this in friendgroups and at shows at my age. And even if it were all relegated to online, the fact is that we're living in an age where online and irl are pretty deeply interwoven with each other. I mean, little boys get radicalized by white supremacists on Reddit, old ladies get radicalized by QAnon theories on their Facebook feeds, people meet long term partners and friends on social media and dating apps, people use Craigslist to find roommates, Tiktok is shifting the way social media markets itself and its experience for its userbase and is shifting the way advertising works in general. The pandemic made the internet a lot of people's only connection to the outside world and politics.

I'm not punching down at addicts, or anything. I've been surrounded by them my entire life. I'm fully aware that our community is economically and socially pre dispositioned to addiction, I'd be a fool to judge. I'm just pointing out the flaws in an unsustainable mindset that has effected me enough that I felt the need to speak on it, and the reality is that a lot of white people are incredibly immature and destructive and not prone to thinking about the consequences of their actions until they've already made more enemies than friends with their juvenile behavior. It's not entirely their fault, the nature of whiteness in a society that favors it means the majority of them just aren't taught to fully understand consequences or domino effects or fully analyze their biases towards people more similar to them in appearance / conventional attractiveness, but it still has its effects.

Like I said, I'm a hedonist, I drink like a sailor and have lost count of how many times my weekend has revolved around doing acid and ketamine and smoking weed just cus that stuff is fun and an attractive woman offered them to me. You still don't see me broadcasting this shit to the world, cus I know what people are gonna think of a sensory driven, carefree black guy, and like I said, I have professional and interpersonal obligations that take priority over my goofy college fratboy shit. I don't have the same luxuries as a lot of these cats do (and I honestly don't want to, if it all ends like my last friendgroup did and is still currently doing) and I think what they do and why they do it is immature and unsustainable. I don't see the harm in saying it. It just is what it is.

[literatureaesthetic]

wandering souls ; cecile pin

in vietnamese culture, there's a belief that if a body is not buried, the soul will never find rest. it's fated to wander the earth, the equivalent of a ghost or spirit. 'wandering souls', on multiple levels, is a story about being lost, searching the earth, trying to find refuge, security and meaning in the unknown

our main story arc is following anh and her two brothers as they escape communist vietnam, in hope for a new life in the usa. their parents and the rest of their siblings are to follow shortly after anh leaves. tragedy strikes and anh and her brothers find themselves alone, orphaned and refugees

alongside this main arc, we have a narrative following dao, the ghost of anh's young brother. as well as short clippings of real moments in history that are scattered throughout the novel

i think that for such a short book, the decision of having three different narratives (or two with historical inserts) creates a really fragmented, disjointed story. part of me thinks it nicely reflects the fractured lives of our characters, but it did feel jarring at times to keep track of the constant switches to different timelines and historical moments. i do think it was important to include all these different narratives, but i did find myself wanting it to be a little more cohesive or executed more efficiently

saying that, i think that cecile pin has created something that is quietly powerful, moving and impactful. from familial duty to documenting the horrors and struggles of the refugee experience, the racist politics of britain and the psychological aftermath of surviving traumas…. lots of important themes are tackled. i love reading about sibling relationships, and anh's role as the elderly sister had me🥺 and i really appreciated how vietnamese cultural beliefs were interwoven with the character’s journey

‘wandering souls’ felt like a deeply personal, unflinching story that needed to be told, but it does have a few small issues with execution & a lack of space for some of the narratives it was constructing, imo

[wintersongbirds]

Writing about israel/palestine here cause I feel like I have no other space to put it

I used to describe myself as a Zionist. Used to. It was a tie to my community and my heritage. Zionism is interwoven into Judaism in modern synagogues and college spaces on a daily basis. It is expected that you are excited about Israel, about the Jewish State. The propaganda tells you that “they tried to kill yes (the Shoah) and now we have our homeland”

They don’t tell you much about how that happened. There’s a brief mention of a war, a fight, following the end of British Mandate period, but other than that? Hardly any context. You’re expected to accept Israel Independence Day as a happy holiday, where we freed ourselves of discrimination and received our promised land.

They tell us tales on Birthright about the checkpoints, the Infinda (forgive my spelling), they compare it to Kristillnacht. They portray this image of a peaceful and democratic nation surrounded by horrific Islamic theocracies. They show you the older army towers, the Iron Dome, and they brush over how the Palestinians are innocent victims in this mess of colonization. They let you speak to "happy" Palestinians, the ones who have arguably decent lives, the ones who aren't going to question the presence of American students and Israeli soldiers (who mind you, are also kids themselves - most of israeli forces are conscripted 20 something year olds without a college education or any travel experience)

Not only that, but you're met with "opportunities" for "professional Judaism and Israel advocacy" Attractive offers of cash, trips, and community- all a propaganda machine for creating hardcore Israel supporters.

This a world that can and does exist entirely on its own, funded by its own dollars and American taxpayer dollars, Christian evangelicals, AIPAC politicians, etc. It creates a community focused on an assumed generational trauma preying on stories like the Shoah and the Exodus to justify it.

While certainly, I didn’t live under a rock. I knew about something going on. I knew that Palestine was a country in its own right. I just didn’t think that a country I felt so strongly for would be a perpetrator of such atrocity.

After Oct 7, I got sympathy as a Jewish person. The first week it felt justified. Hamas bombed Israel and a lot of people died, a lot of people I knew were personally affected. The funerals alone were heartbreaking. I found myself justifying “Israel’s right to defend itself”

Time passed and they kept their onslaught against Gaza and the time for justification is long over. It’s here where I felt myself questioning my entire upbringing and beliefs. I start questioning my community. It’s very isolating. Feeling like I’m the only one questioning and wondering how we can keep justifying this slaughter.

Time passed and I looked past the propaganda. I looked at the Nabka, the Intifadas, the wars..from the so called “other side.” I feel torn apart. I feel lied to and I feel ashamed for supporting and even profiting off of Israel and its actions to a whole group of people.

There’s a tiny kernel of me that wants and wishes for Israel to exist. But it can’t at the expense of innocent lives. I can’t in good conscience support Jewish security via the blood of others.

I’m firmly aware my thoughts don’t matter in the scheme of things, but I don’t even know how to make an impact in any of the spaces I exist in. I’m too much of pro-life to speak for any side. While I feel like those who are self-described “Pro-Palestine” are in good conscience, I don’t think it fully encapsulates the issue that exists in the Middle East.

Because Hamas remains in control. And Hamas is an Iranian-backed organization with ties to the Islamic Regime. They are not the freedom fighters. And the ones who will suffer the most are still the Palestinians.

And you know what else pisses me off? Where was this anger and protest when the Women, Life, Freedom movement sprung up last year? Where was the rage for the thousands of women jailed and raped? I still think some (emphasis on SOME) of the Pro-Palestine movement is rooted in antisemitism, but so are a lot of things, so what can I expect.

I’m angry. I’m heartbroken.

[thefearandnow]

Audio drama Sunday: 1/15/23

Narcissa

I’ve been meaning to listen to QCODE’s Narcissa for most of the last year and just never got around to it. But over the holiday break I binged all of it in a couple days, I was captivated by the sexy sci-fi thriller. Written by Alex O Eaton in collaboration with erotic audio book company Dipsea, Narcissa is about not-so-distant dystopic future where mind readers are yet again being persecuted with militant persistence. It starts out a murder mystery but quickly becomes a queer android love story with some fun twists and turns that made for such a fun listen. I thought the sound design was really well done for the mind reading sequences, the music wasn’t too distracting/cheesy and the interiority for the two main characters (Sid and Andie) where well written. And I can’t not admit that it was in fact effective at crafting some steamy moments, something that I was wondering if it’d pull off. As explained in some of the ad-breaks I think it’s really cool that there’s an emphasis on creating a safe and inclusive space to hear sexy stories and I’m interested to see if Dipsea makes other ad supported podcasts like this one.

Birds of Empire

Birds of Empire is one of those shows that I think a lot more people should be reeeeeally into. It’s a high fantasy adventure podcast with a deep universe of lore, different clans of animal-humanoid societies each with their own complex political inner workings and characters that represent a break in their respective tribes’ status quo. Listening through it reminded me a whole lot of Warriors (the cats) combined with the political intrigue of a Game of Thrones/House of the Dragon. Written and created by Jason Lew, this lovingly crafted universe is told through four stories from the four animal societies (hour long eps) interwoven with shorter episodes (10 min) that give the listener a glimpse of each tribes’ mythology. I loved the mix up in format and how each episode was a mostly self contained experience, instead of following the same characters throughout. The sound design (Randy Torres) is impressive and helps make the complex worldbuilding come to life. The first episode was a little bit hard for me to get through but I’m so happy that I stuck with it, really hope it gets continued for a second season.

Two Flatearthers Kidnap a Stone Mason

In the new year I finally got a chance to listen to TFKASM (long title) and I wish I had started listening sooner. This show is so fucking funny; a tight, clever and super deadpan satire of every internet conspiracy you’ve ever heard. Almost every punchline is a reference to some sort of meme crafted for a chronically online audience, from the titular flat earther YouTubers that are perfect caricatures of bumbling clout chasers to throwaway gags about McDonald’s ice cream machines. The patter between the characters never gets old and the little parodies of viral videos, mobile game apps, movie trailers and podcasts makes the in-universe internet feel as textured and incomprehensible as our own. Not only is there a lot of funny to be had here but the story is also very compelling and full of mystery in it’s own right, full of poignant commentary about truth, community and friendship behind all the silliness. This show is an absolute blast from the brilliant mind of Jeremy Ellett. Also I love that they include the cast credits in the beginning of the episode!

[gaypiratebrainrot]

I have been really enjoying reading the collection of asks - there are so many truly brilliant people on tumblr I love it!!

Trying to gather some of my thoughts to see if I have something to add. I guess I’ll linger on that moment I mentioned in my ao3 comment where Ed & Stede kiss on set and it’s Real, Ed isn’t pretending for once, and he expects to see Rhys’s face. And the cliche at this point (because I’ve been reading a bunch of the r/t RPF oops) is “but it’s Stede’s face” but instead you pull “he doesn’t look like anyone” and the thing about “ethereal electromagnetism” and i went WHOOOSH

The thing that it hits, for me, I think is that mystical psychedelic sensibility which is hard not to feel cliched about, where on some level we’re all just “waves of energy” or “vibes man,” there’s some kinda spirit thing vibing out and creating patterns and interweaving on some ~dimension~ where our individual faces and identities don’t really matter because ~we’re all interconnected~

Which is a cool thing to feel sometimes! And in my experience that feeling or sensibility comes on strong in relation to Love and also sometimes Sex (and like, music) (& other creative things) so it just feels poignant here

And there’s something related I can’t quite articulate about storytelling and how fictional characters can feel as real as real people and why is that? How is that? What does that mean?? Which your story addresses in other ways too

Ok yeah that moment of weird intimacy where you lose your face and are just “ethereal electromagnetism” (sorry I really like that phrase lol) also makes me think of… the relationship between a storyteller and a reader too? Like there is a way in which you, anonymous-to-me person, reached into my (& lots of other people’s) brains and mashed a bunch of buttons and I’m like “oh ho ho… how did you do that??” A weird moment of contact in a weird liminal space. It’s cool!!! I love stories and also metafiction!!!

thank you so much again for sending your thoughts, and sorry it's taken me so long to do a longer response!!

i love hearing you talk about the psychedelic sensibility of WFU, cause i, uh, am quite familiar with psychedelic sensibilities lol. i do a lot of ego work and have done some hardcore ego death in my time, and i feel like a lot of ego is essentially internal mythology about self--not mythology in, like, a fake sense, but in the sense of narrative with a belief structure, the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves that shape what we believe to be true. and this is very interwoven with themes of identity, how we want to be perceived vs. how we are perceived, and the relationship between the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves and the stories other people tell about us. and those moments when the ego collapses are so powerful because those stories collapse too--it isn't that those stories aren't true, it's that all narratives are always partial, and there is a greater whole that cannot be contained with any singular narrative (and therefore is very difficult to comprehend), and it's that greater whole that is glimpsed when the ego and it's narratives collapse.

also what you said about fictional characters feeling as real as real people--this is such a fascinating thing to me about the human mind, and something i've thought a lot about, because fictional characters and imaginary friends are SO real to me. i think it has to do with the fact that we hold real people in our heads basically the same way we hold fictional characters--i have imaginary conversations with my friends and family (and taika waititi) in my head, and that's distinct from having an actual conversation with them in real life, but it is not distinct from the imaginary space where i concoct fictional characters and narratives. like, i can and do distinguish between imagining a real person and imagining a fictional person, but they are both equally in my imagination. i think it's a pretty cool feature of the human mind that we can take the ability to hold real, existing people in our heads, and then be like, "ok, the same thing, but someone who has never existed," and then write about that non-existent person and have other people be like, "feels like a real person to me!"

i will always maintain that writing is magic, cause i am also regularly blown away by the ability to combine these symbols in a particular way that transfers a whole imaginary world from my head into yours. and, like, through a combination of technical training, working on craft, and intuition, it's possible to literally change the minds of total strangers, who you may never have any other interaction with. it's so fucking cool lol

thank you so much again for writing up and sending your thoughts, so so great to read!!! <3

[aheadofgold]

My Search for Meaning

Searching for meaning feels redundant. I never thought about it until I needed to do it. I lived and moved through life and I didn’t have a lot to question. I’ve had plenty of discomfort, and I've grown from it and allowed it to shape my perspective. I’ve even allowed it to shape my compassion. And over the past year things have changed.  

I’m at least half way through my life. I’m not where I want to be because I had no plan to be anywhere. I thought things fell into place or opportunities approached me or I would meet someone who would change my direction. And those things didn’t happen. So now I search for meaning.  

But everyone searches for meaning. It has been written about by billions of people since the invention of writing. And here I am, in the same dark night of the soul, with only myself to make sense out of it. Their words all make sense, and in certain ways can be comforting, but this is not their life. This is my life. It comes down to actually participating in my experience, making choices for myself, prioritizing my own path, and shedding habits and ruts and expectations. 

At times I've thought myself a sort of regular, ordinary person. I’ve thought that I have an average perspective and that my opinions align with most other people’s. I’ve thought that the same things make sense to most of us and that we generally find the same things reasonable. Now, more than ever, I question that. 

I’ve always been a lover of the wonder and beauty and complexity of life around me. I grew up running around cornfields as they grew higher and higher through the summer. I wandered through streams and woods and climbed trees and sat by fires. I spent cold winter days getting lost in snow, and then lost in my own thoughts in the silence of the frozen world. That is no longer my world, and I realize that for the majority of people I encounter it has never been their world. This is a disappointing disconnect for me to accept. 

It bothers me that our bird populations are declining rapidly. It bothers me that our soils are poisoned by pesticides and fertilizers and motor oils. And it bothers me even more that it doesn’t bother anyone else. It bothers me that people don’t see these things, much less want to talk about them. It bothers me that to most people, humans are the only lives that exist in the world.  

Everything is always in the context of the human experience.  And it makes sense. I’m here writing about my own human experience. We all live in our own minds with our own preferences and worries and things to do. But it’s sad how there is no room for other life. When we speak of war, it is only in reference to how war kills people.  No mention of the flowers and land.  No mention of the rabbits and butterflies.  No mention of the rivers.  No mention of anything but humans.  As if it would be possible to live in a world of only humans. As if we could ever find happiness in a world of just humans.  As if destroying all life around us, polluting the air, water and soil, so long as humans can live, would be ok.  As if that would even be possible.  As if humans can live independently.  As if our food does not come from the land, as if our breath does not come from the sky, as if our blood sweat and tears are not made from the rains and oceans.  As if inspiration and beauty do not come from forests and mountains.  From birdsong and the breeze through trees. 

I feel like no one understands this.  No one sees that all life is interwoven and linked and interdependent. Humans focus on our one piece, as is that one piece stands a chance at survival without the other pieces. This disappoints and distresses me. 

I think maybe the core of wanting to blog is to exist in reality.  As the deep version of myself.  To at least put things out there.  Maybe I don’t try to have these conversations with people in my life.  Maybe my relationships and connections are shallow or short.  Maybe people don’t enjoy talking about deep things or real things.  Maybe I don’t have the right context to have these conversations.  I know that there is more to life than being a monk in a wildflower meadow.  I love being that monk.  That witch.  I love it.  And, I also want to live in the world.  I want to talk to people and do things and go places.  And maybe for now it’s just through the electricity of the internet. 

Or maybe this is quite selfish.  For me to dump and upload and empty and vacate and expose and cut and chop and throw up and out.  Maybe it’s just self-aggrandizing and desiring recognition for my existence.  Maybe that’s it.  It’s possibly that simple.  But I'm bored and tired of just fading away.   

I possibly have a lot of life left in me.  This mid-life crisis can lead me in many different directions.  There were many things that I did not choose in the first half.  Where I was born, who was my family, who were my peers, how I looked, whom I was attracted to, the tools I had to handle life.  But in one way or another, I am choosing almost everything in this next half.  My jobs, my downtime, my hobbies, my friends, my evenings, my disposable income, the media I consume, the places I go. 

Whatever change is happening to me, for me, around me, within me, cannot be managed by force.  I can’t surround it with rules and schedules and punishments and rewards. I have tried that, and I keep trying to try that again because it hasn’t gotten me where I'm trying to go, and so far I haven’t developed a different way.  But I have a new idea: I’m going to love myself into evolution.  These things that I see as obstacles and inconveniences and stressors, I'm going to look for the opportunities they provide. 

There are invasive species all over my land. The Autumn Olive, Multiflora Rose, Oriental Bittersweet, Burning Bush, Garlic Mustard.  For the most part they stress me out. But the other day I saw that they give me the opportunity to get outside and be on the land.  My relationship to my spirituality has become stale and obligatory, but this Samhain I saw that my rituals are opportunities to be under the moonlight and that the moonlight is an opportunity for me to practice my rituals.  I have opportunities to breathe, to rest, to reflect, to write.  I can stop running from my life and start living in it.  The obstacles become my path.  There is nothing for me to avoid, because this is the life that I have and that I'm living.  It’s all I have.  I want to live it.  I don’t want to keep running from it, like it’s misdirected or needs to be corrected.  All of my joys, all of my hesitations, all of my fear and petty annoyances.  These are what I have.   

I’m recognizing a shift for me. The repercussions of that are many when I give myself time to think about them. I need to clear space for this. I need space to expand and contract freely. It means I'm drinking less, which means I’m seeing my friends less. It means noticing when I'm just going through the motions of watching videos or scrolling or playing games and then finding something else, anything else, to do. Maybe that’s boredom. But I need to have open, free space for something new to land and grow. I need to be ok not knowing what I'm doing, and not knowing where I'm going, and being uncomfortable. Maybe for a while. It means to stop people pleasing, and start prioritizing my own life. In some ways it feels like going all the way back to the person I was, wandering through cornfields and jumping streams.  

There was no doubt that I loved who I was back then. That I enjoyed my own company and that I was content to do whatever came up. I didn’t need to have a plan because I was secure in my own position. I was my own stability. It didn’t matter what happened around me, I was sure inside. 

What would it feel like again? If I allowed people to have their opinions without trying to share my perspective on top of it? If I didn’t care whether people liked what I thought or wrote or whether anything I did was helpful to other people? What if I just planted wildflower meadows and watched the life they attract, and built birdboxes and watched them live and breed and fly away, and sat outside in the breeze or the snow or the sunshine and just allowed myself to be happy with what I already have and what I already do? 

I would breathe easier.  I would smile more.  I might even be a nicer person. 

I can’t save the world. I can’t make people care about rabbits and soil health. But I care. And I can live in that, and enjoy that, and support that. I don’t need anyone’s permission for that. And all it would really take is a little shift, a little time, a little space and freedom for these things to take root in my life and transform me. I don’t know if a seed knows what kind of plant it will become. But it reaches down for its water and reaches up for its light, and it becomes whatever it is. I don’t know what I'm going to become. I’m just going to reach for the things that I need. 

[thegamecollection]

STARFIELD - REVIEW ROUNDUP!

We have blast off! Or at least, those big name reviewers lucky enough to receive a code ahead of the official launch have!

So, where does Starfield land on the Bethesda scoreboard of hits and misses? Let's see...

GamesRadar - 5/5

"Starfield isn't really a game you play to complete, it's more about living whatever sort of life you want in the literal universe Bethesda has created. Whatever you're thinking of doing, you almost certainly can do it, and the scale is almost a release in a way – you'll probably never see or do it all, so just enjoy the moment. There's months, if not years, of discoveries buried away in here, and even after 80 hours I can't wait to see more."

Read the full review here.

GameInformer - 8.5/10

"It took me a long time to fall in love with Starfield, and even after I did, certain aspects didn’t work for me. But the things I didn’t enjoy are vastly outweighed by my enthusiasm for this new, original science fiction universe, the breadth of its adventures, and the appeal of its many interwoven stories. Go in with the expectation that it will take some time to find your footing in such a vast gameplay space, and there’s a universe well worth discovering here."

Read the full review here.

Gamespot - 7/10

"Starfield has its moments, for sure. Its satisfying gunplay makes combat exciting, especially when it's integrated into setpieces within its better, more captivating questlines. And although limited in its conception of space exploration, there's a novelty in poking around the galaxy to see star systems up close and personal, and occasionally finding side content worth chasing. However, it struggles to deliver a cohesive and memorable RPG experience amid the seemingly boundless sea of stars."

Read the full review here.

VideoGamesChronicle (VGC) - 5/5

"Starfield is undoubtedly an experience that players will stick with for years to come. It’s content-rich in a way that’s rare in modern gaming, and exactly the experience that people who’ve been hoovering up different versions of Skyrim for years have wanted. It doesn’t truly reinvent the wheel with its mechanics, but almost everything it does, it does so well, that it’s a truly engrossing experience."

Read the full review here.

IGN - 7/10

"It’s never a great sign when someone recommends a game on the grounds that it gets good after more than a dozen hours, but that’s very much the kind of game Starfield is, and I do recommend it. There are a lot of forces working against it, and the combination of disjointed space travel, nonexistent maps, aggravating inventory management, and a slow rollout of essential abilities very nearly did it in. It was the joys piloting a custom spaceship into and out of all sorts of morally ambiguous situations in a rich sci-fi universe that eventually pulled it out of a nosedive."

Read the full review here.

GAMINGbible - 10/10

"Starfield is without a doubt a monumental release - and not just because it's Bethesda’s first new IP in 25 years. Every now and then, a new game comes along that changes our perception of what the industry is capable of. Starfield is that game. This is beyond what we’ve come to know an open-world to be. Bethesda has created a universe that, despite its vast scale, maintains interest and an impressive attention to detail throughout. The journey you embark on will dazzle you, and I have no doubt that players will be gripped for months, perhaps even years to come."

Read the full review here.

Well, much like the universe, these scores are a mixed bag of fragments that are deemed rare, beautiful and striking to some... Yet turbulent and rocky to others!

Make up your own mind when the game launches on 6th September and pre-order here at The Game Collection!

Godspeed...

-Jack

[wolint]

TRUST AND OBEY!

TRUST AND OBEY.

Luke 11:28

 

Trust and obey are interwoven and closely connected. When we trust something or someone, it’s easier to obey them. The Bible was inspired by God or God-breathed, according to 2 Timothy 3:16, as God used the personalities of human writers by guiding their minds so that their words were His words too.

We must treat the Holy Word as Jesus did: as authoritative and trustworthy. Jesus built His life and earthly ministry on God’s word, commands, and promises, obeying them all the way to the cross. Obeying the word of God without hesitation means we trust Him and His word. Trust requires courage.

Trusting God involves heartfelt confidence. Trust involves leaning on someone or something, which has the sense of putting our whole weight on something, resting on and trusting in that person or thing. When we have an important decision to make, we sometimes feel that we can’t trust anyone—not even God. But God knows what is best for us, and He knows even better than we do what we really want. We must trust Him completely in every choice we make, according to Proverbs 3:5-6.

John H. Sammis put it succinctly in his hymn "Trust and Obey"—the first stanza says, "When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word, what a glory He sheds on our way! While we do His good will, He abides with us still, and with all who will trust and obey."

Psalm 33:21 says our hearts rejoice in God because we trust in His name. This means we have to recognize that God is totally trustworthy and then learn to trust Him above all else. This way, obeying Him will never be difficult, even when we don’t understand the command, like in the case of Noah in Genesis 6:5-22. When God asked him to make an ark, Noah obeyed every instruction the Lord commanded him to do because he trusted the Lord.

Walking with the Lord requires complete trust and obedience, and that’s where we find the most peace. Psalm 37:5-6 is very interesting and important to our spiritual walk, growth, and victories. It instructs us to "Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun."

Jesus says in John 14:15 that we will obey His commandments if we love Him. Very true! Obedience is a hallmark of love. It’s a sign that we love someone when we want to do things to please them, including obeying them.

By trusting and obeying God, we can experience His peace, guidance, and blessings in our lives. The Bible has a lot to say about trusting and obeying God. Here are some key verses and themes:

- Psalm 37:5: "Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this."

- James 1:22: "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says."

- Hebrews 11:8: "By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.

Trusting and obeying the Lord involves practical application of daily devotion, which is spending time each day reading the Bible and praying. This helps build trust in God and understand His commands. Obedience in action is applying what we learn from the Bible in our daily life. This could be through acts of kindness, honesty, and integrity.

Expressing faith in difficult times is trusting God even when circumstances are challenging. We must always remember that He is in control and His plans are for our good, according to Jeremiah 29:11. Trusting and obeying God means we seek His guidance when making decisions, through prayer and scripture. Trust that He will lead us in the right direction.

PRAYER: Lord, I pray for the courage to obey Your commands, knowing that they are given out of love and for my benefit. Help me to keep Your word in my heart and to live it out in my daily life. May I be quick to listen, slow to speak, and eager to follow Your will. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Shalom

WOMEN OF LIGHT INT’L PRAYER MIN.

[birrafrgrances]

Why is Oud So Expensive?

Exploring the Expensive Nature of Oud

Discover the opulent world of oud with Birra Fragrances. Elevate your scent game and immerse yourself in the luxurious essence of oud. 

Browse our collection now and experience the magic of Birra Fragrances firsthand.

Have you ever come across a scent that seemed to whisper secrets? 

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Join us on a journey into the world of oud, unraveling the mysteries that drive its appeal, tracing its origins, and discovering the reasons for its enduring popularity.

Glimpsing History: The Captivating Origins of Oud

Imagine stepping back in time, immersed in the ancient realms where the air is infused with the aroma of agarwood trees.

Concealed within the heartwood of these majestic trees has Oud, a fragrance that has been cherished for generations.

Oud's remarkable tale traverses diverse cultures and civilizations, gracing the grand palaces and bustling marketplaces of ancient trade routes.

Its captivating history is interwoven with the human experience, embodying luxury, status, and timeless traditions.

Figuring Out the Price: Why Oud Costs a Lot

Ever wondered what makes oud so expensive? The key lies in its scarcity and the complex extraction method.

Agarwood trees, the source of oud, are in short supply, and only a handful produce the coveted resin needed for its creation.

Procuring and refining oud demands expertise and perseverance, akin to hunting for hidden gems in the intricate web of forests.

Consequently, oud has become a symbol of exclusivity and indulgence, highly sought after by discerning connoisseurs worldwide.

Oud: A Modern Treasure

In today's world, oud remains a captivating and inspiring presence.

Its alluring fragrance is woven into a diverse range of luxurious goods, from exquisite perfumes to indulgent creams and sophisticated home fragrances.

Oud's remarkable versatility knows no limits, enriching every aspect of life with its captivating aroma.

Whether adorning the skin with a hint of oud-infused perfume or filling a room with the warm embrace of oud-scented candles, its essence elevates the ordinary to the extraordinary.

Evoking emotions of happiness, comfort, and refinement.

The Enduring Charm of Oud: Why It's So Loved

At its core, oud represents the epitome of luxury and contentment.

Its eternal charm cuts across cultural divides and resonates with individuals from all backgrounds.

Even as time marches on, oud's appeal endures, continuing to enthrall and mesmerize those who desire its intoxicating scent.

Like a treasured secret passed down through the ages, oud invites us to unravel its mysteries and bask in its timeless sophistication.

Elevate Your Oud Experience with Birra Fragrances

Birra fragrances will enhance your scent experience.

Discover the captivating charm of oud with Birra Fragrances, where sophistication and luxury collide. Our expertly crafted oud-based perfumes transport you to the depths of fragrance, capturing the essence of tradition and elegance. 

Use Birra Fragrances to enhance your fragrance experience and savor the ageless charm of oud.