#it's idk. that post specifically wasn't a big deal it's just. The Everything.

[walterdecourceys]

i'm ngl i am slightly afraid of what the mechanisms fandom has become. i'm still passively insane about the mechs ofc but i do not want to interact with the current fandom it's. hm. Uncomfortable

[starsomens]

Okay hear me out

Noah and the reader have been together for years and one day when he came back home preparing for a special date with the reader she came in and they had a huge argument because of fake dating rumours about him and someone else online and the reader goes back to where she originally lived and the guys promised her that they wouldn't let Noah go but eventually he does chase after her to explain everything but here's the thing the day of the date...

He was going to propose.

idk if you like this idea just something that came up in my mind at 3am I just need you to write a actual good version of my version

Love you so much❤

Hello my love! It did not ignore this it’s because I took THAT long to get it all done 😭

I will use Poppy as a place holder of the rumors for this ask. I DO NOT CONDONE SENDING HATE TO POPPY OR SUPPORT OR SPREAD ANY RUMORS OR SPECULATION ABOUT HER!

"Don't act like you don't love the attention you getting from her!" you yell back at him

"Are you fucking stupid? Do you fucking hear yourself?" he yells back

This was a very explosive argument. This was their biggest tour yet, and successful nonetheless! But...there of course is always a downside to things and in this case it was, rumors. Specifically, romance rumors with Poppy since he had been seen with her a few times. The first was at the release party where Noah was attending without you....then the tour started.

You were tagged in countless pictures and posts of Poppy and Noah how everyone was calling them a cute couple, asking about you and asking if you both had split. Then the handshakes started, no it wasn't a big deal but with everything piling on....her doing something like a handshake...something so cute....you only wanted it to be with you

He came home wanting to take you out but you were just so tired and over everything. You didn't even give Noah one of your long passionate kisses like you usually did

"Yeah I do! It sounds like one of us is making sense!"

"Goddamn it Y/N, what the fuck is your problem?"

"You and her are my problem!" you were trying hard to hold back tears and keep your voice strong

"Will you fucking grow up, she toured with us, she sang on stage-"

"She wore you jacket, she did handshakes with you, you twirl her-"

"Are you fucking kidding me? A twirl? How old are you 5?"

"You don't fucking get it Noah," you sigh sitting back down on the sofa massaging your temples "it's more than that-"

"No it's not Y/N! You're fucking jealous over an artist who toured with us! You're so fucking insecure you can't stand to think I'm talking or interacting with some girl I work with," he snapped "i bust my ass on tour, show after show and I come back only for you to put up this bullshit?"

"......"

"Yeah keep you're fucking mouth shut because you know you're on some bullshit letting social media dictate our relationship like the gullible dumbass you are!"

You felt your chest snap and you bite your inner cheek as you stand from the sofa and go near the front door.

“Y/N….Y/N wait, I didn’t mean that you know what I mean- it’s- you’re not-“

The door slams and you left your shared home. You just walked instead of taking the car and that way he just wouldn't know where you were since the car was home. You even texted Nick and Jolly to keep him at bay because you just wanted space and to be alone.

This is NOT how this night was supposed to go....at all. AT ALL! He wanted to come home, take you to your favorite place, some ice cream after and then ask you to-

*Knock knock*

It was Nick and Jolly, they had com initially to try and calm the situation down, mostly Noah and to figure out what happened and how it all went down hill. Well, Noah explained what had happened. He started to hear the story for himself from his own mouth, and he stopped in the middle of the story and just stood up from the couch.

“I need to find her.”

“Look man, I think she just wants her space this was a lot-“

“You don’t get it Nick I NEED to find her. One way or another I’m gonna talk to her and apologize”

They really did try and stop him. They tried to stop him from leaving the house, but somehow his lanky ass got out the door. He gone to the car and drove around for a few minutes thinking of where you could possibly be. He tried calling and texting you and you were completely ignoring him. He even asked your friends, but he knew that they wouldn’t give him any information knowing that if he told them, he upset you, they would never want to hear from him again.

“Come on think! Think!” He scolds himself “…….wait what if-“

He makes a sudden turn on his next right. There was one place he could try, it may have been a slight chance but he remembered you said that it was strangely cozy and calming to be there. And it was a close enough walk to get there in about 10 minutes or so

As soon as he makes it to his studio building, he parks quickly and makes his way to the door and upstairs. Usually he would like doing some studio work at Home, most times when he is in the studio it’s when he’s working with the rest of the boys or really just needs to focus into the song he’s working on. He had you with him couple times and you really liked it there. He had given you a copy of the key to the studio only because if you ever felt that you were unsafe or you needed somewhere to go he wanted me to be somewhere where people knew you and he knew you’d be safe there. It was more than an emergency type of thing for you to have the key, but this was the one place he knew that you may be in.

He he he thought that you may have not been there, but he heard the very familiar sniff of you when you were crying….shit.

He gives a knock to one of the tables as to not startle you. He sees you and walks over to you, huddled into a ball and you were facing away from him. You knew his presence was there, but you didn’t want to look at him he said.

“Hey…..” he has no idea why he would start that way when he knew that you wouldn’t answer that

“Y/N, look I know I fucked up and I shouldn’t have said what I said, and you know that I didn’t mean it. I never think of you that way-“

“ but you still said it. It Hass to be true for you in some part of your mind…..” wasn’t true at all. He was just spewing bullshit. He doesn’t think any of that you ever in his entire life.

“No I don’t. Y/N, was being stupid Oky? I didn’t mean anything when I said that. None of that is true. I’ve never seen you that way in my eyes you know that….im sorry.” he knew that no matter what his explanations were he still had to apologize to you and he really was sorry from the deepest parts of his heart. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt the person he loved the most in this world.

His heart broke every time he heard you sniff, or he saw the very faint shape of a tear falling down your cheek

“Y/N…. You know when we started dating I had a really deep talk here actually with Nicolas. that’s when I told him that I was seeing you, but I also told him that I was really scared…” he admits, you never heard from him “ I was scared because I didn’t know I would be doing the right thing and I didn’t know if I knew how to be a good partner in a relationship, especially because of growing popularity of the band I was…afraid that it would scare you off”

You turn your head just a bit, but not completely as you listen to his story

“ and Nick gave me probably the best advice I could have for that moment. He told me that relationships wouldn’t be easy because they never are and I’m going to fuck up really bad sometimes….. and you’ll forgive me even though I fucked up really bad. You should have forgive me still did.

“I-“

“ if you don’t forgive me, I understand. But I need you to understand that I know in this world you’re…you’re my entire world at this point, my source of happiness. Was supposed to go this way. I had an entire thing planned and I fucked it up because I didn’t reassure you in the right way.”

“Noah I….maybe I was-“

“No you weren’t. I know what you’re going to say and you weren’t being overdramatic you weren’t being jealous. Miscommunication, but that wasn’t your fault. It was mine for not clearing it up. I wanted to do this in a different setting and a different way but…” he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny box. He opens it to reveal delicate, like it was personally crafted to his design.

“Noah…..” you just couldn’t pinpoint your mix of emotions. You were still mad at him but at the same time you should have known better than to believe rumors and he pulled out.

“Y/N, my princess, my world, my muse, my everything. You’re the reason I keep going and keep trying to be a better person. The amount of questions I’ve answered as to how I’ve been able to do so many things and accomplish so many obstacles and just improve myself as a person and an artist…. All my answers come back to you. You are the reason for everything. We had a lot of thinking to do and one of the constant thoughts in my mind was you….”

You turned around fully facing him, fat tears running down your cheeks, and all you could do was just guck at him while he poured his emotions out. You were mad at him you knew how hard it was for him to fully express himself emotionally.

“… constantly every issue, every decision I always went back to you and how he would feel and what you would say. I love you. I went to the local jewelers and looked at rings and I bought it without hesitation because I just knew. I’m an asshole, and a jerk,”

“And a big fat meanie pants” you throw in your inside joke and he chuckles

“Yes, the biggest meaniest pants in the world. But the one thing I know I’m sure of is that I love you and I don’t want to picture the rest of my life without you. Y/N….will you give me the honor of being your husband? If you’ll still have me.”

You chuckle as the tears still fall

“ you are the dumbest guy I’ve ever dated…..”

He could feel his heart sinking his chest, thinking that you were about to rip him a new one, and he wouldn’t blame you….

“But, you’re also the most sincere I’ve been with……Noah, somehow always find a way to make up for your wrongs and I have no idea how you do it” you giggle as you closer to him, he was still holding the box waiting for your response

“ as long as you promise you’ll make up for tonight I think I can marry you”

“Awh even after I poured my entire soul out to you?” he says, sarcastically holding a hand over his chest. “ I think I can work something out.”

“You better, I can take my back answer back” smile slides the ring onto your finger and hold your hand tightly

“Eh I don’t think so baby, you’re stuck with me for life now,” he slides his hand up your arm after he puts the ring on and gently squeezes and caress the skin with his thumb

“I really am sorry baby. Truly deeply sorry.” he stands up and holds your hands as he do to bring you up with him and he brings you into a hug as he repeatedly kisses your head. “ and makes it up to you. I think I know a way to put those rumors to rest.”

“You do?” You looking up at him and he gives you a nod

The next day, Noah takes it upon himself to get back onto his social media platforms and announce his engagement to you. He made sure to include some of his favorite pictures of you guys together and wrote a heartfelt small paragraph. Putting arrest to the rumors and addressing who it was in his life that he loved the most.

It was saved to say that the band and him had blown up over the next week with the engagement course, Noah wasn’t big on social media as he has stated before and it wasn’t a huge deal but him going out of his way to put a statement out there on your end his behalf really did mean something to you. Next step was to plan for the actual wedding.

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

Oh shit!

alright so i have a read on this scene from e5 that i don't think i've seen anyone else make a post about, but it feels like the most straightforward reason for why fang was worried about blackbeard getting back early?? but since im seeing some "ed is usually very strict and cruel as a captain" takes (which i get why people might think that, but imo it doesn't feel like that's really supported by canon) i figured i'd make a post about it!

my interpretation builds off of two things:

based on what little we see of ed on his ship in e2 and e3, and based on ivan's "this is the most open and available i've ever seen him" in e6, it's pretty logical to assume that ed wasn't interacting with his crew all that much pre-canon. he probably had izzy deliver his orders, let his reputation keep everyone in line, and just hung out in his cabin by himself smoking opium wrong

i have said it before and i will say it again: ed is Pirate Beyoncé

so like, if you're a backup dancer for beyoncé, you're probably not actually interacting with her that much. you're probably getting all your instructions passed down from assistants or choreographers or directors or whoever.

but if and when you DO interact with beyoncé, you're gonna straighten up and pay attention and be on your best behavior because holy shit, it's beyoncé. if you're on a lunch break and someone walks into the room and is like "hey, beyoncé is looking for you," you're gonna say "oh shit!" and drop everything to go see what she wants.

that's what i think is happening in this scene!

back on ed's ship, actually being directly addressed by their captain is probably a rare occasion for blackbeard's crew. it's almost certainly a Big Deal, they probably see it as a chance to impress Thee Pirate Blackbeard. if blackbeard is looking for you specifically, you're gonna go report to him ASAP

and remember, this episode starts with stede saying it's only been a few days since the lighthouse fuckery. we haven't gotten to ivan saying "this is the most open and available i've ever seen him." so far, all they've done is run a few demo raids for stede's crew, and fang sat in for stede's dining lesson and carried out ed's order to skin the french captain. and this is before "you wear fine things well," so probably before ed started really letting himself enjoy himself on stede's ship.

so from fang's perspective, blackbeard aka Pirate Beyoncé went to a party and wasn't supposed to be back until nighttime. and this cute guy was flirting with him, and fang had some down time, so he stripped naked and had himself a fun little "draw me like one of your french girls" moment.

and for a second, when wee john walked in and said "the boss is lookin' for you," fang thought that Pirate Beyoncé was back early and was looking for him right now, and he was fully and completely nude.

idk about you guys, but i would also panic and go "oh shit!"

[nat-20s]

Hi! I'm newly obsessed into Doctor and Donna, would you happen to have a list of her appearances outside the TV eps? I found a list on the Fandom wiki page and was surprised to read your post about the Camelot book because it wasn't on the list! So I don't trust it anymore now lol and turning to you. Thank you ❤️

*cracks knuckles* OKAY SO i can't claim to be an expert so I'm just listing everything i can think of but im sure there's the obscure extended universe thing here or there but here's as comprehensive of a list I can provide!

Big Finish Audio Dramas

Tenth Doctor Adventures Vol 1

Tenth Doctor Adventures Vol 3

Donna Noble Kidnapped!

Specifically Audio Books (narrated rather than full cast performance)

Death's Deal (which I didn't even know about until i scanned through big finish!)

The Nemonite Invasion

The Forever Trap

Pest Control

Novelizations of specific Donna episodes

Planet of the Ood

Fires of Pompeii

The Star Beast

Wild Blue Yonder

The Giggle

Novels that are independent adventures

Ghosts of India

Beautiful Chaos (an absolute must read imo!!!)

Legends of Camelot

The Doctor Trap

Shining Darkness

In The Blood

Comics

Idk about the comics for the most part but there is this one shot that makes me feel So Many Things

That's all I got! If anybody knows of any more Donna Noble content please add on to this!!

[bettertwin1]

Hi, old follower here from before you had 100 followers. I've got a semi serious question for you.

When I first followed you, I got the impression that you were a RP blog, in the case where you would RP with your "brother" (bettertwin9000), so I followed the rules as such. But later on it seems that this blog is your persona? In terms of everything said to this blog is a personal question to you? It's a weird situation where people asking those intrusive questions make sense for a RP blog, but in a normal blog situation it makes it intrusive.

Tldr, I think many are confused if this is an RP blog or you having Leo as your persona, so can you confirm what this blog actually is?

OMG HI LONG TIME FOLLOWER!!

And, for the sake of things making a little bit of sense, as much as sense as we can manage, keep in mind that we have OSDD, we're a system-

PUTTING IT UNDER CUT CAUSE IT'S LONG 😅

At the start of the blog <- in which we were advertising it as a roleplay blog, it was being run by our host and partially by me though I had no clue what I was doing at the time and bettertwin9000 was being run by our partner <- (which btw, made for some strange asks)

We continued advertising it as a roleplay even when we began suspecting and having full breakdowns over the idea of being a system due to some little things and some big things and lots of research and therapy and blah blah BUT we kept going back on it cause tbh DID is a hard thing to accept and we didn't want it <- still don't

SO now I was trying to run the blog more all the while trying to keep us grounded, IGNORING the possibility of DID and thinking, nah, this is just a really bad cause of delusions and we NEED to get reality checked NOW.

But I ALREADY KNEW i'm not REALLY Leo from rottmnt, but I am him, I was formed from that guy, created? Idk. He made me in his own image type reference audio. WOW IM NOT EXPLAINING ANYTHING 😭😭 did I mention we have a tendency to overexplain <- but specifically for me in the case of explaining things that are hard to explain, ANYWHIZZLE.

We kept going back and forth, confirming and denying the conclusion "we have osdd" cause that's terrifying and while this was happening I was still trying to force us to post and interact and involve ourself in arcs for the sake of distraction from EVERYTHING happening irl and the blog kind of made it worse but in a light hearted way cause suddenly the asks became really gross, and I felt really gross.

Sure, maybe someone who was roleplaying Leonardo would have no trouble answering asks about dead relatives or near death experiences or villains that have physically harmed you and your 'siblings' or about my crippling inability to speak about feelings and whatever else people diagnosed me with on here but I was having trouble answering it, I was getting uncomfortable and I was feeling genuinely overwhelmed because everything that definitely would be great material for a roleplay account was making me just feel, bad. <- which wasn't great considering at the time, feeling bad was not something i could have been affording to do

SO at some point, I started putting boundaries, didn't explain why, just continued under the guise of hey, roleplay guy here, the intruvsive invasive asks about my family and my mental health and my anatomy is making me want to die so please stop andbonly ask fun stuff like idk, if i put salt in donnie's coffee sometimes and everyone was like, yes leonardo in unison.

Then I slowly started getting more adamant on pushing the narrative that I am LITERALLY Leo from the show cause pushing that seemed to really help with the questions, and then the roleplay blog became more like. A personal blog for some dude who happened to be a ninja turtle alter and it'd unfortunately gotten so out of hand that explaining this now kind of made us even more exhausted cause oh man, we might get fake claimed huh <- we had worse things to deal with, internet drama didn't need to be added to this.

Anyway, if you read through all that junk, i'm sorry 😭, but i think it helps explain why the impression of the blog is so confusing cause it was being run by two ppl, a host and an alter who were constantly trying NOT to be those things until pretty recently when we started accepting the fact that we have Osdd

SO TIMELINE.

The blog starts off as an rp blog by our host and I unbeknownst to us both

The blog is fun and we start gaining traction

We also start gaining more mental health problems and have a full breakdown multiple times on many different social medias

We push through to cope

We talk to the other blog runners who are systems <- (Mikey, Raph and at the time when their account was apart of this, April) and they kindly answer and guide us through some things

We start adding boundaries for my sake

We talk to other systems on other social media and they help us with more stuff

We talk to our therapist

We do a ton of research on top of old research we'd apparently already done before <- suddenly we have a long document with so much information

We tell no one about the discovery when we start accepting the possibility

More funny stuff ensue and personal life things happen <- #ONLYTHEREALONESKNOW!

The only announcement I ever make that i'm an alter are one off comments in tags or answers that I never address again until I make an intro post that says I'm an alter in a system

The blog is what now?

The blog is still a roleplay account. Sometimes, canceled arcs that we would have done would have been considered roleplay <- a canceled christmas arc. But usually, this is just a blog. Like, this is just a blog I use to entertain people and to get some of my thoughts out like a singlet would. It's both i guess, it's whatever I want it to be and whatever you guys consider it to be.

The blog is just, my blog, I don't know how else to explain it 😅😅

Also, Bettertwin9000 was pretty much going through the same thing at the time and fun fact, he is actually my "brother" cause he's a Donnie alter <- (yay!)

Shoutout to the host who has their own blogs that they never really post on! couldn't have done it without you! <- and the many kind individuals who gave us their research material and links and answered our questions and stuck w/ us through the most confusing part of OUR LIFE

Srry again if this didn't answer your question like at all by the way, i THINK it at least explained some things but you know 😭 SORRY IDK

[sixtysixproblems]

welcome to my half-assed the chosen three are "good" au.

this is a lie of course, because only Ketheric is lawful good; Orin is chaotic neutral, and Gortash lawful neutral maybe lmao.

id say this is a fix it au but. no. not really. things are just marginally better for these 3 characters, and they do (less) warcrimes. but the Absolute is still a problem!

the new chosen three are Durge for Bhaal, Raphael for Bane, and uh. Isobel for Myrkul (I'll get to that).

basically, in tldr summary: adoption is a lovely thing and I blame Shar for everything. read more under the cut because this post is long.

Long version: Shar is responsible more actively for the shadow curse-- Ketheric stayed a paladin of Selune because Isobel doesn't die, but Justiciars still march on Reithwin and he is killed + Aylin imprisoned by Shar. I imagine Isobel only became a "follower" of Shar to try and make a deal to get Aylin back, but that failed, so she turned to Myrkul. Ketheric is revived by her/Myrkul, but earlier than Isobel was bc reasons.

anyways. he'd be around in act two, filling a similar but probably more active role to Isobel in the og plot. and him and Aylin save Isobel from Myrkul/convince her to stop because I'd be too sad otherwise

Now for Orin...Uh. Much more vague. Basically: Ketheric is a girl dad?

I've been toying with several ideas, but the one I think right now is Bhaal/Saverok was disappointed in Orin and abandoned her in the shadowlands instead of straight up killing her for some reason? Maybe they wanted to see what a shadow cursed bhaalspawn would be like, maybe it was a "she'll either toughen up or die so win win", idk. Anyways she's probably like. a toddler. three at max. because Bhaal is awfully. And freshly revived and confused as fuck Ketheric has a new daughter now. yay!

I think she'd be yoinked by the nauteloid, and sort of fill a joint tav/durge role.

anyways, onto the fucking slimy raccoon! it's his time to be yoinked by a stoic old man royalty-ish-guy! enter duke ravenguard from stage left!

I don't know the specifics, but Lawful Good TM Ravenguard trying to hold meetings-- that his feral tween foster child he stole from a devil keeps interrupting-- sounds really, really funny to me.

on a sadder note, Wyll's whole...situation. I imagine this would drive a very, very big wedge between Enver and the Duke because Enver would be inclined to believe Wyll because of his own history with Raphael. Also, I was stuck on what to do about Karlach if Enver wasn't evil-- maybe she still gets hired by Enver as a bodyguard, but Enver has her stay with Wyll while him and Ravenguard go to Elturel...So it's just her and Wyll vs the Cultists...And at some point in the fight she's somehow yeeted to Avernus...

and like! imagine how angsty it would be if Mizora sent Wyll after Karlach without telling him who she was! and the first time these besties see each other in 7 years is when one is sent to kill the other! fun times fun times.

anyways. as for what Gortash is up to. quite frankly I have no fucking idea. an idea i've been toying with is he's undercover in the absolute either on Ravenguard's behalf and/or for self preservation? and/or mindcontrolled by it to make the steel guard? or something like that? him & durge can have a "I cant fix this man, but I can fuck him. maybe that'll calm him down" dynamic lmfaoooo. he's probably still the most morally questionable.

Regardless of the specifics of what he's up to, he might have cameos or be communicating with Wyll somehow pre act three, but I think he only has a proper role then. And double regardless, with Raphael as the Bane chosen...I doubt he's having the time of his life. But he's a conniving little bastard. i'm sure he'll be fine.

anyways. meme time.

~-~-~-~-~

Halsin/Jaheira: what the fuck you're alive??

Ketheric: ...Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated. Anyways my daughter's kind of evil now, and not the Bhaalspawn one--

Jaheira: We left you alone for one century. One...AND YOU HAVE A BHAALSPAWN--

Halsin: I-- You're Orin's Dad????

~-~-~-~-~

Orin: wow Wyll your foster brother is really fucking annoying and also possibly evil. and also maybe fucking my evil brother. can we kill him pretty please

Wyll: can't say I haven't had thoughts myself over the time i've known him...repeatedly... but no

Orin: :(

Karlach: If it makes you feel better Orin, you may get to knock him out

Orin: :)

~-~-~-~

Wyll: Have care how y ou speak-- Gortash may be in league with the absolute, but we don't know his reasons yet-- and he's still a Ravenguard. And my brother.

Orin: He killed 80 people in two days with his evil roombas.

Wyll: ...

Wyll: he's adopted??

~-~-~-~-~

Alternatively:

Orin: Have care how you speak-- Isobel/Durge may be a follower of Myrkul/Bhaal, but she's still of House Thorm. And my sister/brother.

Jaheira: She/he killed 80 people in two days.

Orin: ....I'm adopted.

[shizuchansmilk]

heyyyyyy i’ve seen your heiwajima parents art, and i really love your designs! <3 i wanted to ask, do you perhaps have any headcanons that you might like to share? o.o the novels BARELY mention them at all :( i’m scraping for content

DO I!? OH HONEY... DO I 💔💔💔

here's a quick doodle of them as well as a thank u for this ask bc uGH i adore them too (they are barely mentioned and basically everything i like about them i came up with in my own silly little head). this is a pretty long post so do continue reading under the cut if you'd like! ^^

gosh idk where to even begin okok. unironically girlboss and malewife. in my mind kichirou is kinda goofy, the more laid-back parent while namiko's the stricter one despite generally being a pretty quiet person in general.

shizuo definitely gets his temper from namiko i think, and while arguments wouldn't at all be frequent it'd basically be up to kichirou or kasuka to calm them both down whenever they happened ToT

i think namiko has an artistic sort of hobby like painting. don't ask me for any reasonings i just feel like she does, and this passtime eventually rubbed off on kasuka a little since i recall he likes painting too? she'd specifically paint landscapes, her favourites being beaches and the sea. because of this though she tends to spend a lot of her free time a little secluded. sometimes, especially as children, she'd let kasuka and shizuo watch her paint and let them try out their own stuff too, but since shizuo's immense strength became apparent he sort of began to feel like he wasn't as welcome as he once was in a studio full of her fragile hard work so he harbours a sort of reluctance doing any of that anymore.

speaking of, namiko would worry about shizuo. a lot. maybe TOO much in fact. she'd frequently scold him for getting into fights and things like that, and because she's his mother i don't imagine he'd really retaliate. he'd be real pissed off and slam his bedroom door (off it's hinges😭) in a huff, sure, but there's no way in HELL he's pulling a stunt like almost throwing an entire fridge at *her*. she'd be the one dragging him to the neighbours houses and making him apologise for kicking the entire bonnet of their car in or meeting with the head of school because shizuo threw a chair into the wall. idk i kinda get the impression that their relationship is a liiittle strained because their personalities kinda clash but they love each other really. whenever something's bothering shizuo i feel like namiko picks up on it pretty quickly and does little things like make him his favourite dinner or grab a cake from the store on her commute to cheer him up.

kichirou on the other hand is big on sports i think, and listen he DEFINITELY taught his boys how to play baseball. only narita can tell me otherwise like until it's outright disproven this'll always be canon to me. i feel like he's the golden retriever to namiko's black cat in the sense he's a lot more outgoing and talkative and relaxed than her, albeit maybe a little more oblivious. i imagine he was really impressed and boastful about how strong, like a real athlete, his eldest was until the property damage and hospital bills were on the rise.

i feel like kichirou would be pretty attentive to kasuka. like oh he's kinda quiet is he making any friends at school? that kind of thing. where namiko stresses over dealing with shizuo i think kichirou would kind of overthink anything going on with kasuka.

despite namiko being the more temperamental of the two i think kichirou still gets really defensive whenever he catches wind of people talking smack about his family. like you can make fun of him all you want but the moment you get a bad word in about his boys or god FORBID his wife i feel like it's on sight. i don't think he'd go as far as getting into a fight about it but the sudden drop in light-hearted attitude to a very cold and dead serious "haha the hell did you just say?" would be enough to shut most people up. perhaps kasuka gets his acting skills from him, as in being able to switch up at the drop of a hat. otherwise i feel like kichirou's really friendly, though again maybe a little oblivious, probably has met shinra's dad before and thought he was a cool guy but maybe just a tad strange (a sizeable understatement).

in essence, think like phil and claire from modern family or mr and mrs fox from fantastic mr fox. that's basically the dynamic of them i have in my head =w= i might have more HCs but this is all that's coming to me rn. again, thanks so much for the ask!!!! ToT💕

[muirmarie]

for the fic ask game:

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year aaaaand

14. a fic you didn’t expect to write

no preasure!!!!!! :)

3. Favorite line/scene I wrote this year: gotta go way back to the start of the year for this one, but the end fight in the time loop fic, "it ends or it doesn't". I'm not the type of writer that writes a lot of beautiful lines - I don't mean that in a self-deprecating way at all, it's just not my style . My style of writing is one where my goal is to make uhhh none of it stand out? I want it to ideally draw the reader in without hmmm conscious effort. I want you inside the story before you realize you're reading a story. (Yes, I'm aware that sounds silly, but I always sound silly when I talk about my writing lmao.) SO I really don't tend to have specific lines that stand out, imo?

[cut for length but also because the rest of the answer to 3 does have spoilers for the time loop fic which is the only fic I've ever written where I do think spoilers matter]

BUT the build-up throughout "it ends or it doesn't" did allow me to write A Fight. I adore writing arguments. I love when people spend a great deal of time not saying what they mean, and then when a fight finally blows up, everything they're not saying suddenly spills out. One of my absolute favorite things. So the fight in "it ends or it doesn't" - that's my favorite. It's a long scene - the fight itself is as long as some of my other fics, haha, so the actual line that's my favorite is: “Leonard, why do you believe your love to be a burden?” Mostly because I don't often get the opportunity to distill a fic down to a single line - usually it would feel too obvious or too heavy-handed, but this one not only allowed it, the set-up of it basically demanded it.

But yeah, honestly the emotional catharsis of that fight makes it my fave. Some people commented they were happy I didn't end the fic on them getting out (which I appreciate!), but I was always writing the story to the fight, not to their escape, which is why the fight felt, I think, so necessary? Because the central issue was never about escaping, it was about McCoy refusing to be loved.

14. A fic I didn't expect to write: Oh that's easy, that's the enemy within fic! There were plenty of other fics I wrote this year I didn't necessarily plan for, but the enemy within one (wish i was a better liar) is the only one I adamantly said I wasn't going to write lmao. I wrote the first idk 500 words or so and posted them on a discord with a very strongly worded message that i Wasn't Writing It, and then I, y'know, wrote a 17k story lmao.

Sex...generally doesn't interest me that much. Fully support it, think everyone should read and write it if they like it!! But writing sex is a lot of work for me, and because it doesn't interest me much, I very rarely write it - this was I think the second explicit fic I've written in my life? I've mentioned on here that I have aphantasia, aka I don't visualize things in my head, and to get around that I tend to hang my descriptions on very specific hooks, and that works pretty well for most of my writing I think, but sex is very physical, so it's honestly kind of a pain to deal with. I think it's one of the reasons I don't find it very interesting to read, either - part of it is the grey-ace thing, sure, but a big part I've come to realize is that I skim scenes with lots of descriptions. Clothing, furniture, city or building layouts, I'm not visualizing it, it's going in one ear and out the other, so I might as well skim it. I think that's the case with sex, too?

Now that you have all the reasons why I'm the worst person to write sex lmaoooo, the draw of it for me was Kirk. The story's mostly focused on the wolf!Kirk, and I couldn't get out of my head this idea that he's desperately clawing at McCoy for something he can't name - that McCoy will give him anything to bring his Jim back, but he can't give him love. And wolf!Kirk shouldn't want love! Love makes you weak! He can't be weak! But it still doesn't stop that desperate, clawing wanting.

When I realized I couldn't shake that, I realized I Had to write it, and it was, truly, such a pain to write re: the physicality of it. I think one of the reasons why there's so much dialogue and hmm idk if introspection is the right word? is because it breaks up the physical actions for me. Very much a character study wrapped up in sex.

(To be clear I know a LOT of stories about sex are character studies, and also a story doesn't need to be about anything besides sex to be good!!! This is really just me explaining how I tricked myself into writing the thing that's the hardest thing for me to write, it's not a value judgment on sex/smut/etc!!! This is why I rarely go into this type of thing, lmao, I've been called a prude Too Many Times in my life, and this is me genuinely just trying to explain it fucking sucks to have to try to hold that data in my head as I write since I cant' see it! Sex and physical altercations!!! Too physical, too hard to write!!!)

Anyway then the after part of it got way way way too long as well, which mostly works because I loved how the Spock giving McCoy that aftercare turned out! The fight at the end of this one I don't love as much, but that's okay, sometimes fights are just messy jumbled messes like that haha. I think I left a little too much unsaid for this one, looking back. Like I think the end fight would've paid better dividends if I'd pulled more to the surface? But overall I'm pretty happy with how the fic turned out, and it did open me up to writing more sexy fics (even tho they're SO difficult for me lmao SIGHHHH)

Thank you!

[demontouched]

i'm slowly catching up on the mcu....

(thoughts and opinions of someone who is not, and probably will never be, a comic enthusiast, a film major, or cgi specialist below the cut.)

so. i have heard and read nothing but votriol for just about everything after end game. maybe it was the classic fandom progression where everything gets turned into a cesspool (either the fandom survives and becomes good again, or everything implodes and only incels and tarpits remain). i don't really know because i left fandom spaces for like 3 years, but that's a whole different story.

i dropped off after end game, i'm just barely catching up, so i don't know how a lot of everything else turned out. i've liked the multiverse movies i've seen so far (shang-chi, eternals, multiverse of madness, quantumania). they're not masterpieces, but they're good movies. (please remember that this is my opinion and i'm not an expert on anything except myself. the block button and i are best friends.)

despite starting the movie several times, i can never seem to finish wakanda forever. it just feels... sad. without chadwick boseman. don't get me wrong, the movie is interesting, and i love shuri and wakanda. it just doesn't feel right that chadwick isn't there. call it parasocial or whatever, but idk. when black panther first came out, it was compelling. i fell in love with the story of the mcu all over again, and this character specifically. call it parasocial or whatever. idk. i just can't finish the movie.

i really liked shang-chi, i thought it was an interesting movie and it was very pretty in the special effects/cgi department. i liked the story, and while i wasn't completely blown away by the lovie, i did enjoy it a lot. probably my current favorite of the post endgame movies.

eternals was... well, i didn't much care for it either way. it felt strange and lonely, but i think any movie would feel strange and lonely if it happens in a preexisting universe, and is effecting the whole globe, and yet only a certain set of super powered people show up to help.

multiverse of madness was interesting to me. we got to see two preestablished characters who have never interacted collide in a way that doesnt really happen in marvel movies. it wasn't a crossover of any sort (not like venom in no way home or deadpool's fourth wall references) but it was cool. i haven't seen wandavision (i'm television adversed for the most part, honestly. watching movies is like pulling teeth for me, and focusing on a tv show is worse. to me, the tv is for background noise so i don't go insane.) so i'm missing pieces of background for that, i'm sure. something something wanda wanted kids and so she'd destroy the world to have that or whatever. (i'll watch wandavision eventually) i sympathize with craving a life ripped away from you by circumstances out of your control, and i found myself in tears at that one scene, when the kids are terrified of her.

quantumania was a whole other thing. they're setting up the big bad of the arc. like they did with phase one. those little touches of thanos in the end credits, ths machinations of a monster much bigger than them. this is just a step up, a mulitversal problem rather than an in universe one. they did (*imo*) a great job taking this step through by including the slow build to it. the hints of the quantum in phase one movies has lended itself greatly to the build up of this phase.

quantunmania itself was mid. i didn't hate it, i didn't love it. it was interesting to see the probability storm. i think it says great deal about scott as a person that even when he is split into hundreds of millions of versions of himself, his focus will always be cassie. that's a dad if i've ever seen one. it was also an interesting read of hope, as well, that she came all together to help scott and even though the scotts all helped og scott, they only came together when hope arrived. (the metaphor was like a bright red circle in a youtube thumb nail.) also, i loved the ant mimicry in thay scene. and the ants! the ants were probably my favorite part.

end game was a unique film, with countless hours of work from a HUGE cast and crew put into it. blood, sweat, and tears went into that movie. it's a cgi wet dream. it tied up loose end after loose end, sweeping the plot bunnies together in a neat 3 hour long package. i could wax poetically about end game for 3 hours at least. anway. the point of all this is that these movies are fine. they're not end game levels, but i don't think anything will ever live up to end game. maybe i'm wrong, we shall see. maybe i'm stuck in the past. maybe i'm missing a humongous chunk of context bc i haven't been keeping up with the news surrounding marvel. idk. i'm gonna keep enjoying what i enjoy, and despite it's flaws, i do enjoy marvel.

[jxnisnotfunny]

irl posting time, he'll yea

my mom, my cousin, her son and i went to a fall festival/carnival today! there's a long read ahead, so i'll leave everything below the "Keep reading" line this time.

--------------------------------------------------

we started off trying to attend one elsewhere in the area, but we found out too late that the event was postponed for the next week, on days we couldn't attend due to my cousin having other things to do and my mom having work. no big deal tho, we still walked around the place.

this was at rocky point state park in warwick, rhode island. it used to be a full-fledged amusement park from as far back as the late-1840s, at least before financial issues ran it out of business in the mid-1990s. honestly i found it fun to just look around and see what was left of the place, as a few parts of it were left for viewing after reopening in 2011. didn't take any pics of that stuff specifically, but i did take some pics of the surrounding area of narragansett bay and a pic of a cliff in the park itself.

before we left to get some lunch, my cousin remembered another place that was holding another fall festival, the one we went to. it was a different place altogether: a combination of a greenhouse, farm and grocery store in hope, rhode island. despite my cousin having told us what the place was gonna be (again, more like a carnival), i had no idea what to expect whatsoever. so i was kinda floored to see actual mechanical rides behind this damn grocery store. didn't ride any of them btw, i was afraid i was too tall.

here's every pic i took there (with a liiittle warning for food here for anyone with eating disorders, cus i had a donut and apple cider (plus kettle corn)):

but yea today was fun! glad we improvised in the end cus i think i had more fun than i would have if the first event wasn't postponed. plus the cousin said she hadn't before been able to go to the event we went to due to work and weather.

there's also a pic of me holding a sugar pumpkin with a long stem that mom took, but i dunno if i want to post that specifically because, while i'm more than comfortable posting my face to strangers on the internet, idk if any of you actually WANT that, soooo you get what you get :)

[formulatrash]

I just wanted to say I thought your note on twitter about Daniel and the current situation was so well written. It is a shit situation but, to be honest, is it worse than some of the shit situations F1 has had in the past and will have in the future? Probably no. I think you rationalised the situation really well. I hope you get to do interviews with F1 drivers in the future because I think you'd be able to draw out some really interesting aspects other journalists couldn't/wouldn't explore.

;;; I wouldn't normally post praise but I sort of needed this one this week. I know stepping away from everything is right because I need to look after myself a bit and do a bunch of healing and I'd love to be the magical Girl Who Is Unaffected By Compounded Awful Things but unfortunately: no. being a better self every day or however Lewis would put it. or at least, not getting any worse.

but obviously I want to go back. anyway, that all turned a lot navel-gazing, sorry.

the thing with the Daniel situation is; honestly, it is probably better for him and McLaren to split.

neither side seems to be able to work out why he can't match Lando and genuinely, that's not the team sabotaging him. McLaren can't afford to lose points , it will be doing everything it can to try and get them - imagine the hundreds of people's work each drivers' result is down to, the thousands at MTC. but it's not working, they just don't work well together and I don't know if that's because Daniel can't give the feedback he needs or because McL can't interpret and implement it.

it's a bizarre situation but not, honestly, out of character for McL. Carlos came from a team with much fewer resources than McLaren, having spent a billion years at Toro Rosso and Lando came from no team other than McLaren so had had to learn exactly how to speak to them and how they worked. they extremely wanted Daniel, wanted him so much they were happy to let go of Carlos because it gave them another shot at getting him and they thought Daniel would be way better. but they weren't ready for a top team driver and it's shown.

same way they didn't know what to do in Sochi, in the lead, McL is out of practice being anywhere other than in the scrap for points. which is where Daniel's found himself because realistically, it's where the team is actually at. Lando's outperforming the car because although it might not be very easy for him to drive, either, McLaren's all he's ever known in F1 so he knows how to deal with, specifically, driving for them.

it's not a big conspiracy. when you think about where McLaren's been for the last few years - well, driving with a good chance of points is a lot better than it was pre-2019, innit. getting out of Q1, even. and Alonso and Button couldn't get shit out of the car then and it wasn't all on Honda, at all.

the team's changed since then and been through a huge process but it's still lacking in a lot of areas. if you listen to interviews with Lando or Andreas they're unusually honest about the fact they just don't have the infrastructure to compete and Williams are sort of in the same process, a few years behind.

I think McLaren thought Daniel would take them that extra step back to winning. and he did, once. but realistically what the situation is is that the team is still not in a great place, sometimes doesn't know what it's doing and well - look at Mercedes, with all its data processing and brain power, trying to work out what the heck is wrong with its car now, totally unable to predict how it's going to behave at any circuit. F1 is hard.

so: maybe Daniel will be better off if he goes back to Enstone. his hair was good then, so. idk. I don't think there's anything cruel or at least no crueller than F1 is in general about the way things have shaken out in Woking, I think if McLaren were being mean they could've told him to take his more-than-twice-what-Lando-was-on-then contract and eff off at the end of last season but both parties seemed keen to keep trying.

sometimes shit doesn't work. let Dan get out of that goddamned hellhole or whatever his phrase is.

[supernovafics]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐃𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐀 𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇

pairing: dylan o’brien x best friend fem!reader

summary: in which dylan has been your best friend for as long as you could remember. your busy lives and schedules may have pushed both of your lives in vastly different directions as you’d gotten older, but somehow you two would always be led back to your hometown, and each other, during the holidays. however, one moment causes all of that to change. 

warnings: angst (what else is new), some fluffiness, mentions of past trauma (the maze runner incident), existential crises, explicit language

word count: 3.6k words

author’s note: idk why i decided to write something christmas related in the summer but it happened lmao (also i feel like it’s slightly important to mention that this takes place in 2016)

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

The rocks being thrown at your window were not what woke you up. Instead, you had been lying awake for hours; getting little to no sleep was something that you had become used to at this point.

However, on this specific night— or morning, depending on how one looked at it— you were glad that your sleep had been restless once again because it made it easy for you to get out of bed and walk to your window when the rocks began hitting it.

There was really no need for you to push open the curtains and check who was doing the throwing because, of course, it was Dylan. Ever since he moved onto your street in Hermosa Beach in middle school and the two of you easily became friends, he was the only person that would ever wake you up in the middle of the night with the soft pings of rocks, especially on this specific day at this specific time.

You waved at him and gestured that you would be down in a moment. You slipped on a random pair of sweatpants along with a hoodie and then placed the Christmas gift that you bought for him in the pocket. The item was small enough to fit in the not too big pocket of your hoodie; however, it did awkwardly protrude a bit.

All of this was a sort of unspoken tradition that the pair of you had developed over the many years you’d known each other. Meeting at five in the morning on Christmas day, walking to the beach that was only a few blocks away from your respective childhood homes, and exchanging Christmas gifts with each other as you both watched the sunrise. It started when you were in ninth grade, and you hadn't missed a year since, not even when the ending of high school pushed your lives in vastly different directions, especially since Dylan graduated a year before you and was almost immediately thrust into his acting career.

But, it didn't matter that Dylan's career took off, and you eventually decided to go to college in Santa Barbara, because, no matter what, you both would always come back for the holidays.

When you opened your front door and saw Dylan lingering by the sidewalk no more than ten feet away, you were quick to go toward him and pull him in for a tight embrace. It actually hadn't been too long since you’d last seen him, maybe only five or six months, but for some reason, it still felt as if the last time he was in front of you was last December.

"Hey," Dylan breathed out in a short greeting, his arms wounding around your waist.

“Hey to you too," You responded, a small smile gracing your features when you both pulled away, and you looked up at him. "How have you been?"

It was quiet for a few moments as you waited for him to answer the question, but eventually, you were met with no verbal response, and instead, Dylan simply shrugged. The short action made your heart constrict in the most painful way, and it was then that you noticed the light remnants of a scar peeking out from behind his dark hair that covered the majority of his forehead. You were quick to peel your eyes away from the scar and instead cast them down at your Converse-covered feet, but that didn't stop the memories from quickly coming back.

The Maze Runner accident had happened back in March, but to you, and you knew to Dylan as well, it felt as if it was just yesterday, especially considering the fact that he was still dealing with the unavoidable repercussions from it.

"Wanna walk?" You asked, finally looking up at him once again.

Dylan nodded. "Yeah."

A silence that could only be deemed as comfortable lingered between them as the two of you took the five-minute walk to the beach and sat down side by side on one of the random empty benches.

"Merry Christmas, Y/N," Dylan said as he handed a present over to you. The present was messily wrapped, something that was not at all uncommon when receiving gifts from Dylan, and the sight of it made you smile.

Before you unwrapped the gift, you pulled out the one you had for him and handed it over. "Merry Christmas, Dyl."

The nostalgic sound of wrapping paper ripping could be heard as you tore into your gift. A simultaneous shocked and happy yelp emitted from your lips when you held up a Harry Potter t-shirt. But, it wasn't just any Harry Potter t-shirt; it was one with a version of the Goblet of Fire movie poster on it, which was your all-time favorite movie in the series.

"Holy shit."

"It's the original merch that was sold when the movie came out," Dylan told you. He hadn't opened his gift yet, and instead, he was playing with the green bow placed on top of it; he always liked to see your reaction first.

You looked at Dylan and then back down at the shirt as you processed his words. "Wow, double holy shit. I would put it on if it wasn't freezing right now."

Dylan laughed a bit. "Very understandable."

“Why haven't you opened yours yet? I'm dying to see what you think of it," You said. You were now holding the t-shirt to your chest, genuinely feeling like a little kid on Christmas morning again.

Dylan finally began unwrapping your gift to him, and when all of the paper was peeled off, there was a square box. "Aw, a plain white box. Thank you so much. This is what I've always wanted."

You rolled your eyes and playfully bumped him with your shoulder. "Ha ha. Please save all of these bad jokes for your stand-up act; I can't wait to boo you off the stage along with everyone else."

"So, what I'm hearing is you don't think that becoming a comedian is going to be the next best career move for me?" Dylan asked. He attempted to make the question sound as serious as possible, but there was a joking undertone to his words.

You bit back your laughter. "Please just open the box already so I don't have to hurt your feelings by truthfully answering that question."

"Okay, we'll circle back to that topic later," Dylan smiled and then finally opened the white box to reveal a slightly faded baseball. When he picked it up, he ran his thumb over the black signature written on it. "Now it's my turn to say holy shit."

You could feel yourself smiling at his awestruck reaction, and you wondered if that was what you looked like when you saw the Harry Potter shirt. The baseball was signed by one of the players of the New York Mets that had been Dylan's favorite player when he was younger, and he'd even caught a ball hit by him when he went to a game before he moved to California.

"I've had this idea for years, but I could never find a baseball signed by him," You began explaining, the excitement clear in your voice. "But, last month, someone named Paul Todd posted this on eBay and I immediately bought it. God bless that old man. It's completely authentic and everything."

Dylan was quiet for a few moments as he simply looked at the baseball in his hands, a small joyful smile on his face, and it made you happy to see him so genuinely elated with the present.

"This just made my gift look like shit," He finally said, a light laugh falling from his lips.

"I have always been the superior gift giver. I think that's my hidden talent," You responded with a playful smirk.

Dylan placed the baseball back in its box and then looked at you. "Next year you will receive the best gift ever from me. It will completely top everything that you have ever given me."

"You're saying that as if I should feel upset about receiving a trip to Italy as a Christmas gift."

"A trip to Italy?"

"In my strong opinion, that would be the best gift ever," You said with a smile and then looked down at the t-shirt, which was now in your lap. "But, anyway, I don't think this gift is shit. I'm in love with this shirt already."

Dylan let out a joking, overexaggerated sigh in relief. "Phew, okay, since you think this gift is great, that means I don't have to do the trip to Italy next year."

"What? Did I say I like this t-shirt? I hate it! Harry Potter actually su— Fuck, I can't say this with a straight face," You laughed, and Dylan was quick to join in with you.

The joking statements leading up to the laughter hadn't even been the funniest things ever, but it didn't matter because this was probably the hardest you had laughed in a while, and you were both glad and unsurprised that it was with one of your favorite people in the entire world.

You missed joking around and laughing with him. You missed simply being with him.

Eventually, the laughter died off, but there was still a smile planted firmly on your face. You looked ahead at the darkness in front of you and the ocean that looked completely black; it was still kind of early, so the sun hadn't begun to rise just yet. Your back pressed against the wooden bench, and you let out a small sigh, your head finding Dylan's shoulder as you leaned against him.

"How have you been?" You asked him, your words coming out both soft and slightly quiet, and before the mood became too serious with your question that was nothing but serious, you attempted to lighten it. "And please no shrugs as a response this time. I don't wanna get a headache due to my head bouncing off your shoulder."

Dylan let out a breath of a laugh at your final statements but refrained from answering the question for a few moments.  

After what felt like forever, he sighed and ran a hand through his dark hair. "I honestly don't know. My mind has felt so fucked lately, thinking about everything. I swear I've been feeling every feeling known to man these past months."

"What are you feeling right now? In this moment?"

"I'm really happy with you. This is probably the only normal and familiar thing I've experienced in a while. But, of course, there's still that confused feeling in the back of my mind revolving around everything else." He paused for a brief moment before continuing, his next words came out quieter. "I don't even know if I want to go back to acting."

You lifted your head off his shoulder and looked at him as you pulled his hand into yours and gave it a light, reassuring squeeze.

"No matter what you decide. I'll be right there to support you," You told him and then added a "bro" at the end of her sentence along with a small smile. Whenever things became too deep in a conversation you two were having, one of you would always throw a "bro" or "dude" in there to bring some playfulness to the mood.

The corners of Dylan's perked up a bit. "So, you'll support me when I decide to become a comedian?"

You were unable to stifle your light laughter. "Yes, fine, fuck it. I'll be the loudest one laughing at all of your shows."

Dylan squeezed your hand back because he knew exactly how reluctantly true your words were. "Don't worry, I promise not to put you through that."

"Thank you."

"So, how have you been?"

"No."

"Oh, come on," Dylan said as he playfully poked your side. "I'm not gonna be the only one exposing my feelings."

You sighed and then hesitantly nodded. "Okay, okay."

The truth was you had been far from good lately. Your life was moving, but for some reason, you felt like you weren’t moving with it.

You felt stuck.

Stuck in a confusing mindset where you had absolutely no idea what you wanted to do with your life. You thought that identity crises usually happened in high school, but apparently, yours had come five years late. But, you knew that this delayed identity crisis had been your own doing because you had convinced herself that you would figure everything out once you were in college; and you were both lucky and smart enough to receive a full ride to UCSB.

And although you were finishing up your Master's degree in Creative Writing and had a TA job at the university with the department, which was the reason behind why you could even pay for the Master's program, something in your "should be great" life simply did not feel right.

However, you felt absolutely terrified to say any of that out loud because admitting it would only finally make that statement a wholehearted truth, instead of just a spiraling thought in your mind. And even though Dylan was your best friend and you knew you could tell him anything and not receive any sort of judgment, it still felt hard to let the words leave your lips.

You thought about the way to perfectly word everything, but nothing felt right. You pulled your hand away from Dylan's and covered your face as you let out an exasperated breath. "I can't figure how to say it all."

Dylan placed an arm around you and then mimicked the same question you had asked him not too long ago. "What are you feeling right now? In this moment?"

You would have both laughed and smiled at the fact that he was using your exact words if the current circumstances were different.

"Scared," You finally said, your voice barely above a whisper. "I don't know what the fuck I wanna do anymore, and actually, I don't think I really ever did. I only went to college because of the scholarship, and I convinced myself that I would figure my life out when I got there. And for a while, things felt right because I found creative writing and genuinely enjoyed it, but something doesn't feel right anymore. And I actually do like school. Because it's stable, and I am doing things, even if it's taking a dumbass test. But, it's about to be over soon, and I have no idea what I'm gonna do."

Your words were coming out like vomit, and nothing could stop it because finally, everything you had been feeling for so long was out of your head and put into the open.

"And don't get me wrong, I do love to write, but I don't know, I just can't see myself doing it for the rest of my life," You admitted and then let your next words come out quietly. "Honestly, I can't see myself doing anything. I'm so unhappy here."

You did not say it aloud, but you didn't think you were ever fully content there. Aside from Dylan and your parents, you never truly liked California. You had grown up there all your life, and although there were millions of people that adored the state, you felt the exact way someone from a state like Wyoming probably felt.

Dylan did not verbally respond to your long confession at first; instead, he simply pulled your confused and stressed self in for a hug, and you let out the simultaneous sigh and breath that you had been metaphorically holding in for years at this point.

"Maybe you should take a break," Dylan finally said; his arms were still around you, an action that made you feel completely comforted. "Right after high school, you went straight to college, and I don't think you've ever really taken a break to really think about what you actually want. Like, maybe, it's becoming a zookeeper."

Your laugh was slightly muffled by the fact that your face was pressed into the warmth of Dylan's chest. "Zookeeper?"

"I don't know," He laughed too. "You said you would support me in whatever the fuck I decide to do, and I'll do the exact same for you."

Somehow a smile found its way on your face. "A zookeeper and a comedian. What a fucking dream team."

Another laugh fell from Dylan's lips. "The best fucking dream team."

"But, honestly, I wish I could've known sooner that this is how you've been feeling. I would've been telling you to slow down so long ago, but you seemed content with everything," Dylan told you and gave you another light squeeze. "Please take a break and don't stress yourself out over the future when your next semester is over. Just relax for the first time. You can even come stay with me in LA for a little bit if that's where you wanna take your break. I'll be here for you, Y/N. Always."

Something about his words hit you hard. The wholehearted honesty and sincerity behind his statement shouldn't have surprised you, but it did. And the worry he had for you resembled the same concern you had for him when the accident happened. You two were best friends, so it should not have been a shock that you would worry about each other, but still, in that moment and for you, it was shocking because it felt like so much more than just that.

"Me too," You whispered, finally responding to his previous statement.

The long embrace came to an end with you being the one to pull away; however, you did not pull away far enough for you both to become completely detached from one another. Dylan's arms were still around your waist, and yours were still around the nape of his neck, and your faces were dangerously close. Your hand somehow took on a mind of its own as it reached around and cupped Dylan's cheek. The miniscule confusion and tickle of panic that began to prick at the back of your mind because of the action were not enough to make you pull away.

The slight way that Dylan leaned into your soft touch was the catalyst for you to take the leap and lean in the tiniest bit to close the small distance between the two of you, your lips almost too easily finding his. The inward sigh of contentment you emitted when Dylan almost immediately kissed you back made you realize that kissing him was the one thing currently happening in your life that actually felt right.

Later, when thinking back to that specific moment, you would wonder if that "rightness" had always been there between you both.

However, that right feeling, which was both comfortable and familiar, was quickly replaced with dread and angst, at least on your part. Your mind was beginning to fully catch up with your actions, and it immediately told you that the current action was both bad and stupid, and there were many, many reasons that proved that.

Maybe there were moments where a younger, and even present-day, you did want more to happen between you and Dylan, but you would always push that thought away because you knew that your and Dylan's friendship was so much more valuable.

And then it was the fact that your lives were nothing alike. Even though you were immensely confused about where your life was going, you could say for certain that it wasn't going in the same direction as Dylan's; an acting career that he genuinely loved and enjoyed too much to truly give up. Something deep down told you that, and you could feel the truthfulness behind the thought. The holidays were the only time your lives would truly intersect.

You abruptly pulled away, not just from the kiss but from Dylan's body entirely, moving to the edge of the bench you were on. Your hands covered your face in nothing but pure embarrassment and regret, and you wished that you could take back the last minute and a half of your life. And you also absolutely hated that you couldn't help but notice how much colder your body felt now that it was away from Dylan's.

"Oh my God. I'm sorry. Fuck. That kiss— it was a mistake. I'm really sorry." Your words came out rushed and fumbled, and it probably did not make much sense, but you just hoped that there was at least a little bit of coherency with them.

As much as you wanted to look at Dylan, you refused to do so because you knew that you would only see the regret you were feeling written clear across his face.

"Hey, it's okay, Y/N. Everything's fine. Don't worry," You heard him say but could hear the uncertainty in his voice as if he really didn't know if everything truly was fine. And you knew that it wasn’t. It really wasn’t.

The holidays were the only time your lives would truly intersect, and you had just completely ruined that.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

let me know your thoughts <3

((((already potentially thinking about doing a part 2 to this….. but idk…))))

[ectonurites]

Let’s all just agree to ignore Robins forever ❤️

Mood yeah <3

Honestly just... Robins was so... negligible. Like. Nothing in it had any sort of big impact. It feels like it wanted to be important to the Robins and their lore but really just wasn't.

There's a few panels from it that I'll hold onto, just as "Okay this counts again!" sorts of things, but otherwise yeah. It's not something that I think will be remembered all that much.

Actually aside from character history stuff- there is one other bit that I'm like "Hang on did Seeley actually do me a favor here?" because a piece of dialogue implies Tim is an adult now (rather than still stuck at 16-17) which would definitely help make my brain stop hurting when I try to think about Batfam character ages in relation to one another.

(Robins #6)

"Everything she said came from my profile, Dick. What she said? It was me. But that's part of growing up I guess. Sometimes adults have some really terrible ideas."

Like... he's saying that adults have terrible ideas while talking about... ideas that came from him in present day. That means he's considered an adult now, right?

Especially because the whole thing AJ/Jenny Wren said while pretending to be him was (aside from advocating for letting the bad guys die) about growing up and not being a kid anymore:

(Robins #3)

("I let Batman capture him and put him in jail" no AJ!Tim, Batman literally went and dealt with him and then came and told Tim about it after the fact. There was literally not a way for Tim to be involved in that initial situation, Tim was in Gotham dealing with Lonnie while Bruce was in Haiti dealing with that. Then the one time years later when Tim confronted Makenson alone himself, Batman was literally thought to be dead following Final Crisis, putting him in jail again was 100% Tim's idea at the end of his solo).

The word choice of specifically saying "adults" when later talking about his present day self just feels intentional with that in mind. I think if they were going for 'he's still 16ish/high school age' that just would have been phrased differently, like he could've easily talked about growing up without the phrase "adults" specifically in reference to him, ya know?

Idk I'm definitely reading too much into this one line especially for a book that has so many little inaccuracies, but I just want the age relationships between the batkids to at least vaguely make sense to me again so badly dshfjg. I'm grasping at straws here.

I am also just putting it here in the post to make it clear: I DO NOT WANT this to spark a bunch of age discussion in my inbox right now. Aside from something like this that's extremely recent, basically anything else about batkid ages will just be rehashing conversations I've already had multiple times.

[meirimerens]

I'm sorry if this is a weird question and its totally ok if you dont want to answer it but, if you dont mind, how did you enjoy your experience in art college? Do you have any tips or things to say to those who want to or are considering following the same path? I'm finishing high school in some months and i really dream of persuing art in the Academic's Way but everyday i fear not being able to "get a proper job" or "be a 'productive' functioning member of society" if that's what i decide to do (or even worse: Getting a job, or just getting into college, but starting to dread (making) art. I think this is what messes with me the most. I know how capitalism can make you hate your job and i dont know if i'm ready to. Idk. Go through that when it comes to art-making). I really love drawing and making art and studying and observing art and there's nothing in the world I wish to learn more about than it, but suddenly I feel so much doubt & fear & etc... again sorry if this is too personal, you definitely dont need to answer if you dont feel like it !!! hope you have a good night/morning anyway

Hello my darling i can try to answer that

long to follow:

let me start with a few things/disclaimers of sorts which weighted Quite A Lot in my ability to enjoy college and that might be wildly different where you live:

i went to an art college in France (because. i live here) and through post-highschool education without having to worry once about being in debt in my early twenties. i have no loans to pay back. i could go back to the school and get a master without needing to take one, i could decide to go to a different uni without having to worry about debt. i don't have on my back the Weight you might have, if you're American, to know you might have to reimburse thousands or tens of thousands of bucks in student loans.

another thing: i did not, and do not have still, parental pressure to Get A Job. my parents always have been insanely supportive of my desire to go to art college, and even as i now, today, am overcome with doubts and "damn i should do other studies to have a chance in the job market", they've never been like ":/ you're not gonna go very far in life with that art degree…". they want me to get a job i will Like bc they've accumulated Sucky Jobs their whole lives but they've never mocked me for my art studies path, for my desire to work in the arts/literature. they're not people who value Being A Good Capitalism Pawn And Doing A Sucky 9-5 Until You Die, which i am very thankful for, but it might not be the case for your family, your friends, your culture.

ok now that The Lore is out of the way let me keep going

our art college experiences WILL be fundamentally different unless you go to the Specific one i went in france. the functioning of that school is apparently even very different than its own neighbors within the country, so everything i say will be vastly different for you, period.

art college To Me mostly brought me four things: new ways to see, speak of, decipher, understand, and make art (so valuable); new frameworks to talk about and understand my own art and others (SO VALUABLE!); new skills (namely engraving and photography); and fantastic people to meet. if you do go to art school i Pray you meet people who are so interesting so different from you and do art in such specific ways that you will have your world rocked. to me, just these 4 things fundamentally Changed Me (for the best), and even if i get no money from it i consider that experience so anchored in me.

this is likely a Culture thing, but most of us in art school knew Damn Well we had a lot of chances to not make money with our art LOL. like the recurring joke was "étudiant en art aujourd'hui, chômeur demain" ["art student today, unemployed tomorrow"]. and it wasn't a… big deal? like it wasn't a Hustling Culture at all. number of my classmates were fucking hippies (AFFECTIONATE) LOL.

that's a lot of rambling to say that i wasn't 1) brought up in a Money-Centric family who will push me out of the house so i can go #grind and are perfectly comfortable with me taking time to build a portfolio bc covid kinda prevented me from doing that teehee 2) studying in a Money-Centric school. even if, today as i did then, i'm very much aware i might not have the Best Perspectives For A Bountiful Coin-Getting Future, i still have the ability to Go Back To School if i want without it being a sure way to get myself in thousands of bucks in debt.

our experiences Will be insanely different, so LET ME GIVE YOU A FEW TIPS THAT MIGHT OR MIGHT NOT WORK FOR YOU

connect with people. YES it's hard and harder if you're shy you're gonna have to do it.

go to any lectures or whatnot that interest you so you can 1) connect with people 2) Meet New Interesting Faces

if your school brings artists from Outside for workshops/lectures/whatnot, ask them question… look at their work… etc… some schools have Working Artists as professors so if there's one whose work you love TALK TO THEM ABOUT IT.

if something your professor says Interests you, asks them for more reading on it, more references, etc… even if you don't read em! it will 1) show them you care 2) give you more stuff to come back to if you ever DO want to read em lol.

if your school has photography/engraving/design/whatnot classes that interest you, jump on the occasion. it might Unlock something in you, and that's a skill you can market anyways.

if some students in your school decide to make a little.. school newspaper, or artists' group, or this or that, JUMP ON THE OCCASION. again, that might be a marketable skill later. you can even try to make one yourself!

in case of another covid lockdown: CHECK WHICH OF YOUR CLASSES HAVE POSSIBILITIES TO BE HAD ONLINE! a lot of art history classes can be online, but most classes where you learn a new skill With Your Hands will get fucked over if covid hit. my school relied A Lot on you Coming To It and being on your own in huge rooms and working on your own and then meet professors about it, so then covid hit, a Huge Part of the actual work you did in school got fucked over, which made my 2nd and 3rd years Not The Best. if you can, try to have a good balance of classes you can have online and classes you have in-school so you don't get Too fucked over if another plague hits.

if your school organizes like… exhibitions, or has artist calls for projects… keep an eye on em. participate if you can. i didn't participate in a lot during my own years and i'm sad about it :( don't do like me!!! actually bite life as it comes baby.

damn that's long. ok. tldr: we Will have vastly different experiences. that's unavoidable. here ^ were some tips.

from me to you + something i might abide by: if you Love art hugely, but feel like Making It for money so you can eat will make you feel like shit… well i can understand. i can empathize. at the end of my cursus, most students are kinda expected to become self-employed artists, but as you can guess… rough life. SO! if you love art but Making It For Profit fills you with dread, here are a few ideas from me:

study art history! even if you're not interested in being a professor of that (which is also A Good Thing To Be + my 1st year art history professor easily one of my favorites i've had), museums or galleries or institutions sometimes look for people who've studied that for mediation jobs (when you welcome a public and Tell Em about what they're looking at). you can study art history Broadly or focus on little things. for ex. i might decide at some point to go back to uni for a art history focus and maaaybe even prehistoric art focus.

what else. if you an artist Now try to participate in zines, or make your own even if they suck so you can put that on a resume (and again, IF you go to art school and your classmates/YOU start a little school newspaper… that shit goes in the resume!!!)

if you have any time and/or motivation, get yourself some online classes about like. adobe suite (you can pirate it honestly) or generally softwares that Art People Love. again -> marketable skill babey!!!!

i'm not sure if Any of that is valuable to you. i wish you all the best in this Bitch of a world.

[goji-pilled]

Okay @princekirijo you want an essay? Well here it is now, or as I like to call it Felix's "Asumari is great and this fandom has no fucking taste" rambling and infodump. Congrats fellas, thanks to Prince you ALL get an asumari essay. But before that I'll try to give you a rundown of Mari and Asuka. 

(I'm also so sorry for putting this long ass post on everyone's dashboard)

(Spoiler warning for Evangelion 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time!!)

Alright on one hand we have Mari Illustrious Makinami. Her whole deal? She's a walking ray of sunshine, literally lol. Unlike any other character in the Evangelion franchise she doesn't suffer from her trauma, she's quite literally the only healthy and functioning human being, she's just slightly leaning towards "batshit crazy" with the stunts she pulls 🤷‍♂️. Other than that she just loves living, she loves being with people, she keeps moving forward, stays positive and decides to live life to it's fullest even after she experiences loss and multiple apocalyptic events (Second Impact, Third Impact, etc.) and she really just embodies the joy of living. That's all there is to her, or at least all we know.

On the other hand, we have Asuka Langley Shikinami who is... well it's hard to explain what she is to be honest. She's part-German and part-Japanese and part of a line of clones specifically made with the purpose to pilot an Evangelion and later on be used as a sacrifice to trigger another Impact (ITS COMPLICATED I KNOW-) Asuka is, unlike Mari, very much suffering from her trauma. She doesn't have her parents and has a very deep seated belief that she's completely alone, which she says doesn't matter as long as she can pilot the Eva. She also very much wants to fight and kill angels all by herself, and it's seriously messing with her when she can't achieve that.

Now we get to the more interesting parts (hopefully this so far wasn't too confusing, then again it's Eva and even I can't fully wrap my head around it all LMAO)

In the second Rebuild movie (Evangelion 2.0 You can (not) advance) we get introduced to both of them, Mari's introduction scene (in the original English dub) has her pilot an Eva and singing about how she'll take the world on by herself, while in the third movie's (Evangelion 3.0 You can (not) redo) opening scene she's piloting the Eva again but this time it's together with Asuka (in her own Unit 02 though) and during that Mari sings about how wonderful it is not to be alone. It's nothing big yet, but it's a really cute detail me thinks,,, you know what else I love about them? They bicker and they banter and it's genuinely so fun to listen to shskdhsuwj

(For a quick catch up: During the end of 2.0 Shinji (the protagonist) triggers another apocalyptic event, the Near Third Impact, and was only stopped due to Kaworu (the guy in my pfp) stepping in. Also between 1.0/2.0 and 3.0/3.0+1.0 are about 14 years (without Shinji bc he's like comatose) where A LOT happens AND we learn in 3.0 that Eva pilots don't age physically bc of "The curse of the Eva"... honestly Eva is wild lmao)

Okay okay I'll get back to it!

So one thing that happens is that Asuka during 2.0 develops a crush on Shinji (girl why-), unfortunately things take a turn for the worse. Asuka had volunteered to be the testpilot for a new Eva (Unit 03), she seemed happy at the time and it was a really sweet build up with the "I can smile, I didn't know I could still do that."-line. And then? Then it turns out the Ninth Angel had infected Unit 03 (Angels are basically the Kaijus they fight using Evas btw). The thing goes on a loose and Shinji is forced to fight it (With Asuka inside mind you), he refuses and his father uses an autopilot to destroy Unit 03. And boy did it destroy the angel, well it and it crushed Asuka between its jaws (you can actually hear her scream btw haha pain :)).

Asuka survived though, but the whole incident cost her her humanity and she ended up becoming an angel herself/she took the place of the Ninth. But despite that, there's one person who keeps believing in Asuka's humanity, who fiercely believes Asuka is still a human and tells her as much.

Yep, that one person is Mari and she keeps holding onto that belief until the very end when Asuka uses her last resort, which is using the power of an angel (Doing so was a guaranteed death sentence btw). Mari's own words (in the German dub) were, "Princess, you're giving up being human…" AND IT MAKES ME SO EMO GOD FUCK

While I'm at it, Mari and Asuka are a fucking killer combo as a team. They rely on each other for support in combat, listen to the other's orders and advice. Especially in Asuka's case it's kind of a big deal that she so openly relies and counts on Mari's support. Like these two trust each other with their damn lifes!!! Holy shit!!

Guess what though, they also have nicknames for eachother. Mari always calls Asuka "Princess" or "(Your) Highness" while Asuka calles Mari "Four-eyes" / "Four-eyed chrony (idk how you spell that tbh RIP" Even better though, in the German dub Asuka calls Mari "Brillerella" as in a combination of "Brille" (German for glasses) and "Cinderella",,,,Cinderella and her Prince,,,Brillerella and her Princess,,, man, that was a gay fucking move of the translation team. Spoiler: I owe them my life.

Funfact: There's exactly two times throughout the Rebuild movies where Mari uses Asuka's actual name. These two times being when she watches Asuka "die" and be used as a sacrifice for Gendo's selfish plan and when later on she begs Shinji, "So please the Princess… Asuka needs your help!" And the best part? That wasn't even the first time she did that. The mentioned line came from 3.0+1.0, but she did that too in 3.0 with the, "At least save the Princess!" line (although her tone was much more...pissed, like she was really angry lol)

Remember the crush Asuka had on Shinji? Well due to the Unit 03 incident a whole lot of other shit got mixed into that and her feelings for him in general became really bitter (understandably so). Now Mari being who she is sometimes teases Asuka about said old crush but she really does want Asuka to get closure and sort that mess out. 

As an example for the teasing, in 3.0 there's a scene that goes like this (please imagine Mari with a literal :3 face while saying that):

"Unit! Are you back in the game?"

"I'm on it, your Highness. But first things first, how was our little puppy (Shinji)? Did he sit like a good little boy?"

"He's exactly the same! Same stupid face talking mayhem!"

"That goofy face of his, that's what you wanted to see? Riiiiight?"

"Shut up! I went there to bat him one!... And I feel better!"

There's also a very short bonus manga that was released in Japan for Thrice Upon a Time's release that has Mari trying to convince Asuka to come with her on the mission to get Shinji, given everything that follows, it's just another thing to prove my point. And the final bit relating to that is this:

"Feeling better now?"

"Yeah, I do feel better."

That's the exchange Asuka and Mari have after they talked to Shinji, it's nothing special but I think it's really sweet and this time Asuka actually sounded like she was feeling better instead of when she was screaming after she nearly broke pretty thick glass with her fist (If she had hit someone with that much force she definitely would've broken something omggg #violentimpulsesgang)

To get back on track though: I already mentioned it but during the second half of 3.0+1.0 Asuka "dies" (and honestly that entire scene is worth its own in-depth post because its just one huge parallel to The End of Evangelion), the point is: You can tell that the loss of Asuka honestly hits Mari hard. Not only because of how Mari screams Asuka's name but also because of her expressions. They're pained, like really fucking pained and Mari even apologizes to her that she has to fall back due to the fact that she's injured AND because eveything is going wrong.

After the events of Evangelion 3.0 these two got seperated from eachother, Mari was with WILLE (the organization both of them are with) and on board of Wunder (the ship WILLE basically operates from) while Asuka was in a Village full of (Near) Third Impact Survivors. When they do meet again it went like this:

Asuka, barely back, comes to the door and calls, "I'm back." And within seconds of Asuka stepping into their room after the door opens Mari already runs towards her, arms wide open and she says, "Welcome back, your Highness! Good job. I missed you so much!" And she says that while she literally nuzzles into Asuka,,,like,,,what the fuck gay people real!!! 

Best part? Asuka clearly has enough strength to push Mari completely away if she were uncomfortable, but she doesn't. Asuka merely wanted enough space to look at the room (because Mari managed to horde even more books lol) and play her game. During their entire renunion Mari keeps hugging her, and part of me thinks that perhaps deep down Asuka actually enjoys the feeling of physical affection.

Before we get to the last point though, let me say that Asuka and Mari have scenes in 3.0+1.0 that parallel Shinji and Kaworu's from 3.0. (Fyi Kaworu loves Shinji (yeah, like that, and 3.0 was basically them being gay as fuck for an hour) so like...do I even need to explain? 

And then of course there's also this, the "Take care of yourself, Princess…" line. That is the last time Mari talks to Asuka and as much as that line alone already is so much, it's Mari's expression in particular that kills me. Because this? This soft, almost bittersweet expression she has, as she basically says goodbye? Because she knows Asuka will finally be happy and safe? It just makes me feel so much actually. Man.

In the end it's a fact that Mari loved Asuka, wether that is interpreted as platonic or romantic by someone is up to them. But it is a fact that Asuka was loved enough that someone wanted to hug her, was happy to see her, to praise her, was hurt by her loss, wanted her to be safe, that someone told her "Take care of yourself…" Asuka was really and honestly so loved that someone would tell her, "I missed you."

But Asuka? Asuka was too hurt, too wrapped up in her own head to actually see how loved she was by Mari (and other people) that she genuinely believed she's completely alone and always will be alone.

It makes the "Take care of yourself" line hit even harder to me, because it's not only Mari's goodbye, but it's a goodbye during the one time Asuka allowed herself to be vulnerable and admit what she really wanted.

And honestly? All of this? Its makes me feel so many things and I just love them  so much man.

[fallingsunflower]

hii, sorry it’s not really about our todays topic but i believe a while ago you did a post with your covid symptoms?? could you please somehow link this?

hi love. I actually have no idea where it is as it must have gotten buried lmfao I'll just rewrite it.

Dec 21 - was when I was most likely exposed. I can't be 100% sure though but it was sometime between then and Christmas Eve.

Dec 24 - I started feeling muscle aches, specifically on the left side of my body. No clue if it's related to Covid or how I'm sleeping but thought I'd mention it lol I had already been exposed at that point.

Dec 26 - muscle aches in my body I brushed off from dehydration. My left arm and both legs. Didn't last super long so I didn't think much of it.

Dec 27 - I was fine in the morning. Maybe a bit of a scratchy throat but otherwise, felt good. I started getting sick later in the day. Muscle aches, sinus pressure, headache, sore throat, jaw pain, fever. Came on suddenly like the flu but less severe (I was SUPER sick with the flu early 2020).

Dec 28 - more of the same ^ but I had both a fever and the chills lol I was sweating through literally everything while freezing at the same time. I think my fever reached like 102. Developed a bit of a cough (wet and dry). I didn't have breathing problems though so it was probably just dry throat/result of mucus. I was STUFFED UP lol

Dec 29 - basically the same ^. Went for my PCR covid test and literally couldn't drive though. I had insane brain fog and trouble thinking. Not quite sure how I didn't crash because I found myself drifting a lot while driving. I didn't realize how bad it was until I reached my destination, and I had to get tested. I didn't have another option.

Dec 30 - still the same ^

Dec 31 - Started to feel somewhat better. I think my fever wasn't as bad. Muscle aches weren't as prominent. Still had a slight cough. Wasn't as stuffed up. Brain fog was still there.

Jan 1 - Felt okay-ish. Fever still there but not bad. Runny nose. Slight cough. Slight congestion. I actually had to go out this day (long story) and could barely do it. The fatigue was so bad. Brain fog still there. Also this is when I got my positive test results back.

I don't remember much after that, like what symptoms went away first. I just started to gradually get better. I was out of work the entire following week though. I think probably by that Wednesday or Tuesday I was basically back to "normal". I think the big thing for me was fatigue though, and that's something I'm still dealing with. It's FINALLY getting better though.

Also the brain fog eventually went away about a week after lol I forced myself to drink a ton of water and read like allll the time (idk if reading helped but I think it did). ALSO also I had a couple other neurological issues. I smelt rotting meat for a couple days and my left arm/forehead felt like it was burning (to be fair the burning could have been from not taking another medication I was on).

For reference I'm fully vaccinated. Not boosted though as I'm not due for my booster until April.

My whole family had Covid, and I'm assuming we had the same strain. My mom and step dad are vaccinated and were okay. My uncle was not vaccinated so if you'd like to hear his symptoms/journey with it, let me know because it's a lot different than mine.

It really wasn't awful. I never had any breathing problems, unlike when I had the flu. My heart is also fine (got that checked). My blood oxygen levels are good. It was more than just a cold but it wasn't super severe.

Hope that helps!