#it's hard getting used to it; i was never good with change

[ao3commentoftheday]

I'm over 350k words into writing a very long fic that's about halfway done, and lately, I feel like quitting. I've considered posting the outline as a final chapter to give people closure and then just walking away from it.

But I also really want to be able to actually finish it because the story means a lot to me. Whenever I think about calling it quits, I can't do it.

I feel trapped between not wanting to work on it anymore and wanting to finish this story that I've already poured so much time and love into. I want to finish it as much as I want to quit. But the idea of going on is almost agonizing.

Part of why I've been wanting to quit is because my health went downhill about 8 months into working on it, and it has only got worse since then, and that makes chapters take a long time to finish. I'm very slow to update and it makes me feel bad for the readers who are waiting for more. It's not like that many people are waiting, there isn't too much pressure in that sense. It's a rarepair and the fandom isn't as active as it used to be. But there are some people who are excited to know what happens next, and I feel like I'm letting them down by taking so long. I'd probably let them down even more if I didn't write the rest of it, though.

Another reason I've been wanting to quit is that I've been working on this fic for a few years already and it's going to take a few more years to finish, and that is overwhelming. I'm exhausted from such a long commitment to something creative. I've never spent longer than 6 months on a fic before and didn't think this one was going to take so long.

The final reason is that my writing style has changed in small ways over the course of working on the fic and I feel like older chapters are not as good as the newer chapters and I'm sort of losing confidence in myself. I don't enjoy reading my old fics because all I see are the things I'd change, and I feel like that's starting to happen with this fic.

This is supposed to be fun and I'm not having fun right now.

I don't know what to do.

Do you have any advice?

*hugs* the first thing I want you to do, anon, is take a deep breath. hold it. let it out.

It's going to be okay. ❤️

You've got a lot of different emotions going on right now and a lot of different reasons for feeling them. You need to stop trying to push them away and "get on with things" because that's just like shoving your mess into the closet. Eventually that door isn't going to shut anymore.

You also need to take care of yourself before you worry about your readers. They'll still be there later. New ones might come by in the meantime. If you're putting your readers' presumed wants and needs ahead of your own, you'll eventually start to feel resentful towards them for "forcing" you to do something you don't want to (or just can't) do right now.

First and foremost, I think you need a break. You're exhausted and you're pressuring yourself to do more than you're capable of. The way you describe things, it sounds like you're pretty burnt out and in need of some recovery time. Berating yourself and forcing yourself and pushing yourself so hard is only going to make it all worse.

You know that old Snickers commercial where the person turns into an ogre or something and their friend gives them a chocolate bar? The tag line is something like "You're not you when you're hungry." Well, you're also not you when you're exhausted. Your brain is currently a toddler in need of a nap, and if it doesn't get that nap then it's just going to have a tantrum and ruin your whole day.

Take a moment and think of this story that you're writing. Why do you want to finish it? Is it because the readers are excited for it? Is it because you've put a lot of work into it already? Is it because you've already spent a lot of time on it?

All of those things might be true, but you said the most important part yourself, right up front, "the story means a lot to me. Whenever I think about calling it quits, I can't do it."

It's not about the readers, and it's not about the effort, and it's not about the time. It's about the story. That's the important thing. And if that's the important thing, then you can write it at your own pace. You can enjoy the writing process of it. You can spend your time imagining scenes that might or might not make it into the final version.

Writing fic is a hobby, and like you said it's meant to be fun. Take it off of your list of responsibilities and put it onto your list of daydreams instead. The only person you're accountable to with this story is yourself. The next time you catch yourself thinking, "I have to-" or "I should-" when you're thinking about this story, stop and recognize that thought. Where is it coming from? Why are you having it? Is it actually true or do you just feel like it is?

Then take a deep breath. Hold it. Let it out. This story is for you first. Take your time with it.

[ponderingmoonlight]

Sanemi finding out you pretended to be a boy in order to get trained properly and him falling head over heels for you after

Pairing: Sanemi x fem!reader

Word Count: 4,2k

Synopsis: If there's one thing you always hated, it was being underestimated. Because you're nothing but a petite girl in the eyes of every other demon slayer you stumbled upon with even the sound hashira going easy on you. They left you no choice but to pretend that you're a boy in order to finally get the training you deserve. Little did you know it will be the wind hashira himself who uncovers your dirty secret...

Warnings: it's Sanemi so language, the bonus scene is for those of you who are in desperate need of some spice (no direct smut), last part not proofread because this needs to be published and I'm tired lol

Thank you sooo much for that super cool request, @xxx-oneofthegirls-xxx, I hope you like what I came up with (also, you made me listen to one of the girls nonstop while writing this hehe)

You stare at your foreign reflection in the mirror, cheeks still burning. This looks ridiculous and you know it, your plan so plain and stupid that you regret your decision more and more with each passing second.

But you have to do this.

“Don’t overwork yourself, (y/n). You’ll rest here while the others run a few extra miles.”

“But Tengen-sama, I-“

“Here, let’s get you something to eat!”, Suma cried out.

“You’re overworking that poor woman, Tengen-sama”, Mako commented dryly.

“I already told her to take a break!”

Because without pretending that you’re a boy, they’ll never take you seriously. Not when you’re a petite girl, not when everyone treats you like porcelain because of your small frame and gender. You came her because you’re ready to fight, because being a demon slayer is your true destiny. You want to get trained hard, you urge to surpass yourself each and every day.

You stare at your eyes filled with determination in the mirror. Therefore, you need to make sure they see nothing but a normal boy in you. 

It’s hard to breathe properly with countless bandages tied around your chest in order to hide your feminine curves to their eyes. Carefully, you tie a ribbon around the ends of your hair and pull them up. Good, now your hair is about shoulder-length. A plain hairband that is convincing enough as a sweat band turns your usual longer hair into a temporary short cut.

Is this enough? Will the mist hashira actually believe you?

Confidently, you change into the uniform you stole from a boy nearby earlier and grab your katana. There is no other way than finding out.

“Where’s that little girl? Didn’t Tengen-sama allow her to continue?”

“Huh, you mean the little wallflower? I bet she gave up when she saw what hashira training really means. She wasn’t even strong enough to hold a sword.”

Your heart drops to the floor while your eyes automatically look down in panic and distress. Everyone underestimates you over the sheer fact that you’re a girl. But why? Why would you give up? Why is everyone thinking you aren’t strong enough when women like Shinobu Kocho show them how it’s done? You didn’t train since you were 4 to get reduced to your gender and height.

No, you’ll show them soon enough how good you really are and that you’re no one to be messed with.

“Look at him!”

“Who is that guy?”

“He fights as good as Tanjiro!”

“I’ve never seen him around. Do you know him?”

And you did. Training after training, hashira after hashira. Somehow, you surpassed them all. Despite your small frame, your disadvantage towards the boys with their ability to move freely in the scorching hot sun, you made it.

“It seems like you’re decent handling your sword. I have no use for you here anymore”, Obanai proclaims dryly.

You…you did it? You’ve been here for 3 days, spent the first day tied to a wall while getting smacked by some useless comrades. But you really convinced him, the serpent hashira, the man a lot of the others were so afraid of.

Your heart jumps up and down in excitement. You convinced him.

“Thank you”, you mumble in reply with deepened voice.

“Let’s see how you’ll keep up with Shinazugawa. Now get lost.”

Shinazugawa? You’ve heard that name before. Is this…the wind hashira? Your eyes widen as you sprint down the forest in the merciless sun. If Iguro Obanai is considered rough, Sanemi Shinazugawa has to be a menace. You heard from countless slayers that went back home as soon as they arrived at his estate, some beaten up so badly that they needed treatment.

For days.

You swallow hard. If this man finds out that you’re not who you pretend to be, you’ll be dead. But you have no other choice. After everything you’ve been through, you won’t give up because of the wind hashira’s bad reputation.

“How’s training going?”, Sanemi mumbles while staring into the distance.

“All of them are trash. There’s only one that is decent, though”, Obanai replies dryly.

“Don’t tell me it’s that Kamado brat-“

“No, I’ve never seen that boy before. No one seems to know who he is. He’s pretty small for his age and acts even weirder than the others but I can’t deny that he’s skilled. Even Kanroji…praised him”, Obanai presses out.

He’ll definitely never forget you for taking up the space of a full hand-written site in her note to him.

“You all went too easy on him, then. I’ll mop the floor with his ass when he gets to me.”

“We’ll see about that.”

Your breath gets stuck in your throat. There it is, the estate of the wind hashira. Only him and the stone hashira are left. Only these two until you’re able to drop your false identity and use your newest skills in a real fight. When you’re done here, you’ll finally be able to protect your village properly. No demon will ever hurt your friends and family again.

You just have to get through a few more days of training. A few more days with the wind hashira…

-two days later-

“Get lost, brats”, Sanemi barks out in sheer frustration.

Are these losers really supposed to be useful in a fight against Kibutsuji? They aren’t even good enough to hold their wooden sword correctly, let alone find the right stance to fight. God, this is such a waste of time, so fucking annoying that he smashes his own wooden sword into the ground roughly.

“Fucking useless rabble”, he hisses through gritted teeth.

When his blurry sight catches yours, he’s even more infuriated. He really thought the other pillars were too gentle with you. You, with your thin and small frame, with your innocent eyes that almost make you look like a girl. And while you look like the biggest loser of this whole corps, you manage to fight better than all the others.

“Enough of this bullshit, we’re using real swords now”, Sanemi barked at you while already grabbing his sharp katana.

“Fine.”

You didn’t storm towards him, didn’t act out of confidence or rage. You stayed so calm that Sanemi didn’t know how to act for the split of a second.

The split of a second. This minor moment was enough for you to lift your blade and scratch his cheek ever so slightly.

“Did he…Just hit the wind hashira?”

“This can’t be true. A strange guy like him, hitting one of the most powerful demon slayers?”

“You…You have some fucking nerve, little brat! I’ll make you pay for this!”

Oh, how often he tormented you. Made you stand up in the middle of the night for a fight, forced you to stand up against all your comrades. He pushed you over your limit over and over, made you suffer in a way he never did before.

But you still stand your ground. Still, you grab your wooden sword and follow the others inside at dawn as if nothing happened.

And it simply drives him insane.

“You, little brat!”

“Yes, Shinazugawa-sama?”

Your guts turn in an instant. In contrast to the other hashira training, this feels like a trip to hell and back. It almost seems as if the wind hashira made it his mission to let you suffer more than anyone else. What have you done to deserve his anger? Did you act out of line, aloof? It has to be the fact that you injured his cheek during your fight…

“Never mind. Get out of my sight.”

He doesn’t have to tell you twice. Instantly, you turn on your heels and make your way to dinner. Maybe you’ll finally have to chance to wash yourself tonight. With all those unexpected training sessions and the wind hashira torturing you until far past midnight, you didn’t even find the time to take a bath. Urgh, you can’t wait to finally take those bandages off and to wash your itchy scalp. All that sweating without the relief of a jump in the cool lake nearby is definitely hard to endure.

But tonight. Tonight you’ll finally get the chance to escape the merciless gaze of Sanemi Shinazugawa.

He doesn’t know what keeps him up tonight. Is it the full moon that lights his room, his still enraged heart? It’s still hard to believe that you’re acting up like this, that you manage to hit him. Out of all the jerks he trained, why does it have to be the smallest and therefore weakest one?

Maybe all he needs is letting his anger out on you. Sanemi storms into the dormitory wearing nothing but a casual yukata. He might hunt you around the lake for a few rounds or lets you practice your sword bows until you turn blue-

But his eyes don’t get greeted by your hair sticking out underneath you’re blanket.

“Where the hell are you, brat?”, he hisses to himself.

“This feels like heaven”, you moan to yourself while you dip your head into the cool water.

You never cared about getting covered in mud or dried blood sticking to your skin. But oh, the feeling of cleaning yourself up again after a rough day is just unmatched. Gently, your fingers brush through your wet hair, free yourself from all the dirt of those last days.

When will you be able to return? After that, only the stone hashira is left. How did you manage to land all the way over here? Hiding behind the identity of a boy no one know in order to get treated equally. Your efforts were definitely worth it. With those countless new techniques you’ve learned, you’ll finally be able to stand up against the demons that haunt down your village on a regular basis. Finally, you’ve got the education you deserved.

“You have to be fucking kidding me.”

All color drains from your face in an instant. You don’t have to look past his knees to know who stays right in front of you. Why didn’t you hear him coming? How did he manage to show up in front of you without you noticing?

“S-Shinazuwaga-sama”, you breathe out.

It doesn’t matter how he found you. With your hair open and your upper body barely covered by the water, he already saw through your well-hidden secret. Or better said, your lie.

“You’re so dead.”

You can’t escape. In the matter of seconds, he is with you in the water and grabs your wrists roughly.

“You lied into our faces this whole time?”, he hisses through gritted teeth.

“I had to-“

“You’re nothing but a little girl!”

“You left me-“

“What else do you have to hide? Are you even a demon slayer? I’m totally in the mood to kill you right on the spot-“

“YOU LEFT ME NO CHOICE”, you finally blurt out.

“No choice? Are you out of your goddamn mind?”

“Tengen-sama treated me like porcelain because I’m a woman, but I didn’t want that! I wanted to train like the boys do, I wanted to suffer like everyone else! How am I supposed to become a decent swordswoman when everyone goes easy on me because of my gender!?”

“You…You lied to us.”

“I did.”

“You aren’t a guy.”

“I’m not.”

Thick silence hangs between both of you, only interrupted by sharp and heavy breaths. What now? Will he send you away in dishonor or even worse, exclude you from the corps completely? You’ve worked so hard to even get accepted, poured your heart and soul into those past days. All of this, vanishing in thin air?

“Please don’t send me away”, you finally press out.

“Are you dumb? Ain’t no way I’m letting you stay-“

“I can’t return home in dishonor. I did all of this to be able to protect my family and village. If I return home like this…”

You can’t finish your sentence, your throat suddenly feeling so tight that you even fail to breathe.

“Get out of my sight.”

“But I-“

“I said get out of my sight!”, he screams on top of his lungs.

You flinch backwards and almost trip into the water. Talking doesn’t do much. If you’re not leaving the next few seconds, he might drown you.

With a heavy heart you leave the water, carefully hiding behind a tree until you’re fully dressed again.

“What’s your real name?”, he shouts towards you harshly.

“My name is (y/n)”, you mutter, not daring to look into his cold eyes.

And then you stumble back. Back into the dormitory you know so well by now. Back into what might be the last night at the demon slayer corps for you.

“Remember that skilled guy you told me about?”, Sanemi mumbles while staring at the ground.

“Yeah. What about him?”

“It’s not him. She’s a fucking girl that pretended to be a guy.”

It still feels like a feverish dream. Why did nobody realize sooner? Not even himself…God, he’s such an idiot for not throwing you out instantly. You lied straight into his face, you lied to the whole demon slayer corps all this time. You deserve to leave, you deserve all that hatred and disgust.

“That’s actually quite impressive. How did you find out?”, Obanai comments dryly.

“I caught her bathing. Said she didn’t want to get differently because she’s a girl.”

Just the thought of seeing you there lit by nothing but moonlight, your long hair draped like a veil around you and your female curves he didn’t even know existed…

“That are some unexpected news. Do the others know?”

“I won’t tell ‘em. I’ll kick her out the corps when I return.”

“Why kicking her out? No matter if boy or girl, you can’t deny she’s the most promising one until now. Why not keeping her?”

“Keeping her?”, Sanemi repeats in sheer disbelief.

“Ain’t no way I’ll ever speak to a filthy little liar like her again.”

“Her plan worked, though. And I hate to admit it, but she did pretty good.”

Sanemi’s furious eyes dart towards Obanai in nothing but frustration. You fooled every single hashira until now. You hold so much potential that eventually…Would you survive as his tsugoko?

“I’ll leave”, he finally speaks out before turning his back on Obanai and storming away.

What the hell is he supposed to do?

How utterly dumb you feel sitting on that porch with your wet hair still open in the cool breeze far past midnight. You have no idea where he went, if he’s out to inform the head of the corpse about your behavior or even worse, your own family. Is it too early to pack your few belongings, to leave before he comes back? You definitely can’t stand another round of getting yelled at by the wind hashira.

“What are you doing here outside, brat?”

Fuck. He steps out of the darkness like an unpromising shadow with his face as hard as stone.

“I can’t sleep anyway”, you murmur.

“I’m so fucking mad at you for shitting me like this. Pretending you’re a guy while you’re just a girl.”

“I’m not just a girl”, you clarify sharply.

“Shut the fuck up. You’re a lying little brat but-“

He takes a deep breath in while sitting down next to you.

“But you’ve got what it takes. I’ve been looking for a decent tsugoko for quite some time now and-“

You can’t believe your ears. This man can’t possibly be the wind hashira you know by now, the man who looked like he’ll drown you any minute just a few hours ago. He can’t suggest to take you in as his tsugoko, right? There’s absolutely no way this man wants to train you on a regular basis-

“And maybe you’re that decent fit.”

Oh.

“Me, as your tsugoko”, you repeat his words in order to make them sound real.

“I’ll still kick your ass for lying into my face like that, though”, he adds aggressively.

Never in your life would you ever dreamed of being the apprentice of a hashira. You always worked hard, always made sure to develop your skills with everything you do, but being considered a tsugoko? Of the wind hashira, who never takes in a student? Who seems so rough and cruel but allowed you to handle your katana even better?

“I’d love that”, you finally breathe out.

“I’m beyond thankful you’re e-“

“Shut up immediately. A yes is enough. You’ll stay here with me, then.”

“Y-yes, Shinazugawa-sama!”

“No go to sleep, I can’t beat your ass when you’re tired”, he mumbles before getting up and leaving while your feelings are still over the place.

You, the tsugoko of Sanemi Shinazugawa?

-a few months later-

“Gimme your best shot now, brat!”, he barks at you.

Sweat runs down your forehead like a waterfall, your heavy panting tasting like blood. Just one more hit, one more strike and you’ll get him.

“Thunder breathing, fourth form-“

“Too slow”, he comments next to your ear.

Within the split of a second, you find yourself just inches away from the dirty ground with Sanemi’s arms keeping you from falling.

“Still not fast enough. Do it again.”

Mindlessly, he still drops you into the dirt with his sword casually draped over his shoulder.

You lift yourself off the ground with trembling limbs. There you are again, deep within your trip to hell and back. What you expected when agreeing on being the tsugoko of Sanemi Shinazugawa?

You grab the handle of your sword even tighter and storm towards just like you did hundreds of times before with the smallest of smiles creeping up your features.

Well, exactly that.

-steaming hot bonus: meeting in the lake at night-

You allow the cool water to caress your countless wounds gently. How good it feels to finally bathe every single day instead of once every few days. When the truth came out and everyone started to realize that you aren’t a boy, you regained a part of your freedom along with the merciless training of the wind hashira. Each and every day, he tortured you and others with his cruel training methods before you slide into the lake before the sun sets and go straight back to sleep.

Not today, though. It has to be almost midnight by now, the stars in the sky glimmering so magnificent that you can’t look away. Sanemi allowed you to visit your family and friends today. As you have learned, demon attacks have subsided since the sister of Tanjiro Kamado mastered the sun. And even though that means your loved ones will be safe, you can’t deny the slight turn of your guts. This means a war is around the corner, that Muzan Kibutsuji himself might come for all of you.

But this is nothing you should think about now. Not when you just returned and desperately longed for a bath. You dip your head into the cold water, moan to yourself as the water surrounds you fully-

“What the hell are you doing here, brat?”

Sanemi.

Out of instinct you cry out while burying everything except for your head inside the dark water. You’re butt-naked. How long has he been here already? And…has he seen you? Suddenly your whole body feels hot against the cool water around, cheeks turning dark red.

“Calm down, idiot-“

“How long have you been here already!?”

“What? I’m always taking a bath around this time. You’re the one who shouldn’t be here”, he clarifies dryly.

There he stands. Droplets of water run down his bare chest and almost make him shimmer in the moonlight. His wet hair stick to his face so delicately that you can’t force yourself to look away. He looks…hot.

Hot?

“I-uh…I just returned from…home”, you stutter.

“Hope your family is fine”, he mumbles along with slicking his hair back.

Within these past months, you’ve caught a glimpse of Sanemi you’ve never witnessed before. This man isn’t as cruel as everybody makes him look, his words aren’t always meant as harsh as they sound. Sanemi has a very tender side. Especially when his eyes soften for the blink of a moment, you couldn’t help but feel lost.

“They are. Apparently, the incidents with demons involved lessened when I departed”, you press out.

God, you’re acting ridiculous and you know it. Sanemi is your teacher, your training partner. Even though you’re living under the same roof (he even gave you an own room), there aren’t any romantical feelings between both of you.

“Good to hear. I’ll let you rest a little tomorrow morning. You have to be dead tired.”

“I’m fine”, you lie in an instant.

Truth is, you’re so drained out that the water is the only thing that’s able to keep your knees for failing you at the moment. Not only from your journey, but all those countless harsh training sessions, dueling yourself over and over with Sanemi and the others. But you’d never admit it, would never say it out loud.

“You’re probably the baddest liar out there. Your cheeks are red as hell, (y/n)”, Sanemi comments dryly.

You don’t dare to move when he stretches out his hand. Enough to gently caress your cheek, enough to cause an explosion in your stomach.

Did Sanemi just touch you? Tenderly?

“I…N-no…I…”

You can’t find the words. In fact, you are too distracted to care about something like words. Slowly but surely, he draws closer with his perfectly formed chest exposed to your hungry eyes.

“(y/n), I…There’s actually something I wanted…Well…Fuck!”

Is that really Sanemi Shinazugawa, stumbling over his own words? And why is it him who’s blushing at the moment?

These past few months made it really easy for you to actually respect the wind hashira. Not only his frightful skills when handling the sword, but just him. Him, when he’s brushing the fur of the cat that visits his estate from time to time. Him, when he tucks you into your blanket when assuming you’re already asleep. Him, when checking on you in his own unique way.

How ridiculous to even think about him like that, to even allow your heart to jump up and down in joy. But you can’t help yourself. Despite the way you despised him when the two of you first met, you really started to love this man with all your heart.

“(y/n), you’re a pretty decent women”, he begins again while drawing closer.

“Well, I…Thank you?”

A decent woman? Is that what he thinks about you?

“I still can’t believe you lied to me about being a girl, though”, he barks at you.

Oh.

You hate the way your heart drops. Were you really dumb enough so think he might have something to say, that he might tell you he has feelings for you as well? How ridiculous, how absolutely dumb.

“I think I should get going. It’s been a long day”, you mumble.

It’s probably the best to get away from here as soon as possible. But just when you start moving towards the shore, his hand grabs your arm tightly and twirls you around.

Right against his bare chest.

“Don’t you dare leaving now, brat”, he hisses through gritted teeth.

“I…there’s something I wanna tell you…”

“Why are you acting like a child?”, you finally spit at him yourself.

Oh, you’re having enough of all those ups and downs. Especially today, when you’re totally drained out already. You really don’t have the nerve for him to pick on you again, not when his last statement lies like a heavy stone in your stomach-

“Acting like a child?”, he challenges you.

Just before his lips crash into yours.

Longingly, Sanemi wraps his strong arms around you, devours you against his body while all you’re able to do is holding onto his broad shoulders for dear life.

This…is really happening, right? This is really Sanemi, pressing his lips against yours over and over again while your naked skin brushes against his?

“You’re fucking driving me insane, brat”, he mumbles against your lips before grabbing you even tighter.

“Since the moment I realized you aren’t a boy.”

He grabs you by your waist firmly, your naked skin rubbing against his sixpack almost making you lose everything that’s left of your self-control.

“I can’t get you out of my head.”

Your hands wander around his biceps, feel the deep valleys of his muscular back. God, this feels so good – almost too good to be true. But even if this is nothing but a dream, you’ll enjoy every minor movement, every sweet moment until you open your eyes again.

But when you do, you don’t find yourself in the comforting darkness of your room. No, his eyes glimmer like molten iron when staring down at you in the moonlight, his hot breath brushing against your wet face so seductive that you threaten to lose your balance.

“Still saying I’m acting like a child, brat?”

[jeankluv]

I told you so- Utahime Iori

summary: You and Utahime had a fleeting love affair when you were young, but tired of Utahime not being brave enough to admit your love or show it in public, you decided to leave. 10 years later you meet again and seeing her again only confirms that you are still in love with her.

paring: Utahime x fem!reader

tags: +18, angst, explicit smut content, oral sex, scissoring, mentions of gojohime(?), mentions of arranged marriages, mentions of satosugu, happy ending, no use of y/n, all characters are in their late 20s early 30s

words: 3k

notes: before pride month ended I needed to post this. I love Utahime sooooo much and I came up with this idea but I didn’t know if I should post it or not because there are not a lot of Utahime fics/one shots but I decided to give it a try. So everyone please enjoy. Also I still recovering, after hurting my shoulder but gladly it’s not my dominant arm so it’s fine 🤗

Jujutsu Kaisen materialist

You looked at her, trying to hold your breath and trying not to jump, but you were one second away from breaking down. But you couldn’t scream at her, not her.

“Listen.” Utahime spoke, holding the sheets against her chest.

“I get it.” You murmured. “For you this means nothing.”

“No!” Utahime shouted. “That’s not what…”

“Listen ‘Hime, I know you don’t want us to go out as a couple. I know for you it will be hard.” You turned around and grabbed your clothes. “But I can’t… I can’t keep going like this. I don’t want to call it off but we can’t keep going like that.” You looked at her. “I don’t want to be your secret.”

“Please just…” She tried to grab your hand.

“Utahime I think this is the best way.” You said, holding back your tears. Gathering courage, you looked into her eyes. “But Utahime, you can kiss a hundred boys in bars but I know you won’t be able to stop this feeling.” You said talking about what you felt whenever you were together. “So, good luck babe.”

You left the room, putting on the dress that you had taken off with so much haste and anxiety last night. You had gone from ecstasy, from the heat of each other, from the wet kisses of both of them and your bodies knowing each other perfectly to waking up that morning, facing the feelings you had had since high school, so that Utahime would tell you that your “love” could not get past those walls.

You knew that Utahime repressed those feelings out of fear, fear of many things. Fear of her family, of what they will say, fear of the looks. But you wanted to protect her, you wanted her to feel proud to walk with you down the street while you held your hands and showed your love. But that didn't seem to have worked and you were already too exhausted to continue fighting.

With giant steps you left the apartment without looking back. That day you not only lost the love of your life, but also one of your best friends and that destroyed your heart.

10 years later

Shoko had invited you to eat after you called her to tell her that you had returned to the city, now you were both happily eating in one of the many restaurants in the city.

“I missed this.” You said.

Shoko nodded with a smile. “Me too, it’s been so long. You left for college and have been out for how long?”

“10 years this year.” You shrugged.

“God.” Shoko gasped. “A lot of things have happened and changed since then.” She shook her head. “You probably don’t know, since you both fought but Utahime got married.”

You pursed your lips. "Oh really?" You faked a smile. "I'm happy for her."

Shoko never knew about your affair and you doubt Utahime would have told her. Even though it had been 10 years since you and Utahime had met, you couldn't deny that you were still completely in love with her. Of course in those 10 years you had had a partner, but none had ever filled you up like Utahime had done.

“You could fix whatever happened between you.” Shoko said, bringing you back to reality.

You shook your head. “I don't think it's possible.”

She sighed. “You really are the same.” She said in a whisper. “Anyways, are you coming to the party?”

You smiled. “Of course Shoko.”

The day of Shoko's party arrived and you opted for a tight dress, which highlighted your figure. Meeting the guests, you walked around the place with a smile, most of them were new faces that you didn't know, but there was the occasional face that seemed familiar to you and that had probably been a classmate of yours in high school, but you honestly didn't remember them.

After a while you went out to the balcony, looking for some air and tranquility away from all the noise of people.

You couldn't help but roll your eyes when you heard the balcony door open, your moment of peace over faster than you would have liked.

But then your name sounded behind you and you felt your heart skip a beat in your chest. Her sweet voice still sounded the same as it did ten years ago. With your heart in your throat you turned slowly, meeting those brown eyes. Utahime was in front of you 10 years later and she looked beautiful, if that were possible. Your heart began to beat strongly in your heart and you felt like you had no words left. You were still too in love with her.

“You are here.” She whispered.

You swallowed and nodded. “Yeah, yeah, I… I came a few days ago and Shoko invited me.” You tried to put a smile on your face.

She nodded. “That’s great.”

It could have been 10 or 20 years but you knew her too well to know that her voice sounded hurt and that she was about to cry. You wanted to walk up to her and wrap her in your arms, but you couldn't, you shouldn't. It was then that your eyes landed on the ring resting on Utahime's left hand and a knot formed in your stomach.

“Shoko told me you got married.” You forced a smile. “I’m happy to hear that.”

Utahime looked at you. “Are you?” She whispered.

You swallowed and looked down. “Of course.”

“I know you are lying.” She said.

“And what do you want me to say Utahime?” You looked at her. “That I’m still in love with you? Well yes I am and seeing you standing here right in front of me and seeing how my whole body and soul reacts it’s only proof of that.”

You saw how Utahime’s chest rose and how her eyes looked at you with intensity. Your name being just a whisper on her lips she took a step forward. But soon enough she was interrupted by a male voice.

“Utahime, you are here.” The tall guy entered the balcony. “I was looking for you like crazy.”

You looked at the guy and then back at Utahime, you assumed it was her husband. Biting your lip, you coughed and the man stared at you.

“Oh, hi I didn’t see you there.” He smiled.

“No problem.” You shook your head with a smile.

“Satoru.” Utahime finally spoke. “She is a friend of mine.” She introduced you.

“Oh nice to meet you, I’m Utahime’s husband.” He greeted you with a smile and you felt a punch in the face as those words came from his mouth.

“Nice to meet you.” You faked your smile. “Now if you excuse me I need to leave.” You said passing by.

Without turning to look at her, you walked as fast as your feet could allow you, feeling how that knot in your stomach was getting bigger and bigger. Your gaze searched for Shoko and you saw her animatedly chatting with more people. Walking over to her, you grabbed her arm.

“I’m leaving.” You whispered to her ear.

“Already?” She said with a sad look.

“Yeah, tomorrow I have some stuff to do and I don’t want to oversleep.” You lied. “I will call you okay?” Shoko nodded and you walked out of that party.

Feeling how your heart was still pounding and at the same trying holding not to break up from that love.

Utahime Iori pov

Utahime rolled over once again on the bed. She hadn't been able to sleep since she and Satoru had arrived at the apartment. Sitting on the bed she clutched her head and sighed heavily.

Utahime rarely regretted things, but there was one thing he had been regretting for 10 years. And it had been not stopping when you walked out the door of her apartment that day. Because when you told her that that feeling that you loved and shared would never be repeated even if she kissed a hundred boys... oh how right you were.

I should have stopped you, told you that I loved you and that I would face anything for you. But Utahime was a coward and now she resented it.

Getting out of bed, she looked at the side of the bed and saw it empty, something that didn't surprise her in the least. She left the room and to her surprise she ran into him there.

“You are already back?” She whispered.

“I told you it was not going to take long.” He said back.

“Satoru you know, that I don’t mind if you spend the whole night with him.” Utahime crossed her arms and walked to the refrigerator.

“I know but since we are married.”

“You know our marriage is fake.” She said. “You don’t love me and I don’t love you.” Satoru looked at her. “Romantically, you know I do care for you.”

“Good.”

“You were a pain on my ass but now you are almost like my best friend.”

“Almost?” He said offended, Utahime rolled her eyes. “It was her?” Satoru then suddenly asked.

Utahime froze and nodded after a few seconds. “Yes…” She said with a thin voice.

“Utahime…” Satoru sighed and approached her. “You know we can always end all this show.”

“But our families…” She whispered.

Satoru laughed. “We are both CEOs of our families companies, we are not kids like back then.” Utahime looked at him. “I know you are not happy and we will never be happy in this fake marriage, we work well but there will never be that love between us. And you know that.” Utahime closed her eyes. “I saw how you looked at her and I have seen that look before.”

“Where?” She asked.

“It was the same look Suguru had when I told him I needed to marry you.” He sighed. “A gaze of logging mixed with a feeling of losing something dear to you.”

Utahime stifled a sigh and looked at Satoru. “I wanted to go after her.” She said with glassy eyes. “Tell her that I love her and love her then too. I wanted to go… but I'm a coward.”

“Don’t say that.” Satoru said. “If it wasn’t for you, I would have lost Suguru, it was thanks to you that I didn't give up and I don't know how many years may have passed for you but you still love her and…”

“She also told me that she still loved me.”

Satoru smiled. “So what are you waiting for, go get her.”

“Satoru, I don't even know where she is.”

“Call Shoko.” He shrugged his shoulders.

“It's 4 in the morning!” She protested.

“Come on try it.” He said. “How romantic would it be if you showed up at her door at 4 in the morning, confessed your love, and the two of you melted into a passionate kiss?”

“God you are unbearable.” Utahime rolled her eyes and dialed Shoko's number. “Shoko! Hello… yes I'm sorry but it's urgent.” She said with her heart fluttering. “I need you to give me an address.”

Your POV

A knock on your apartment door made you wake up. It was still dark outside and the clock on your phone didn't read past 4:30 in the morning. In silence you approached the door and looked through the camera to see who was the person who was knocking on your door with so much force. Your lips dried when you saw the figure on the other side. Taking a moment to breathe, you pinched your cheek, making sure you were awake.

With a trembling hand, you grabbed the knob and pulled it open. “Uta…”

“I love you.” Utahime said before you could ask anything. “I have always have. And I was a cowardly idiot for not stopping you that day. For letting you go.”

You looked at her and had to mentally remind yourself that she was real and that she was there. “No, you…” You shook your head.

Utahime said your name again and you looked at her. “I love you, I love you too much and… I don't want, I don't want to lose you, not again.”

“You are married.” You told her, shaking.

She shook her head. “It's not real. Satoru and I got married for our families but we don't love each other, we've never been together, we were just pretending.” She looked at you with her big brown eyes, which you were too weak for.

“But… your family.”

“I don’t care about them.” She said. “I only care about you, about us.”

You closed your eyes and held your breath. “I love you too.” You whispered.

Utahime walked towards you and cupped your face. “Let’s start over, let’s do it the right way, okay?” She smiled, the both of you were crying. “Satoru and I will go to the lawyer tomorrow to start with everything for the divorce.”

You nodded, whipping away her tears. “I missed you so much.”

Utahime smiled and knocked both of your lips in an urgent kiss, which mixed with the tears that you loved had shed. With clumsy steps you closed the front door and leaned Utahime against it, working your way into her neck, biting it and leaving it full of wet kisses while Utahime's soft moans delighted your ears.

Breaking away from her, you grabbed her hand and led her to your room. The dream you had a few minutes ago was completely gone and had been replaced by the urgency and desire to make love to the beautiful woman in front of you. You got rid of your pajamas and Utahime got rid of her clothes, leaving you both completely naked. Utahime lay down on the bed with a smile and you began to kiss her, first her lips, then her collarbone and then her breasts.

”You've only gotten more beautiful with time.” You whispered against her skin.

“Look who spoke.” Utahime said as she stifled a moan. “When I saw you in that tight black dress, I only had obscene thoughts.” She whispered.

“Oh yeah? Like what princess?” You said with a smile.

“I wanted to get down on my knees and devour you completely and have everyone hear you scream my name.” She said mischievously with a smile on her face.

“Well, it's a shame, because I'm going to be the one who devours you.” You said lifting her legs and placing them on each of your sides. “I hope my neighbors find out how good I make you feel tonight.”

You kissed her lower lips getting a moan in response from her and her hands on your hair, with your tongue you dug her hunt searching for her weak spot. She moaned your name, while she gasped with pleasure and writhed between your sheets while your tongue fucked her.

You looked at her through your eyelashes and smiled when you saw her, all red and full of pleasure. Her mouth was slightly opened and your name was constantly repeated.

You pushed your tongue into her faster, making sure to taste every part of her and making her feel in heaven.

“Oh fuck!” Utahime moaned, arching her back. “I missed you so much!”

With those words you began to suck her clit causing Utahime's moans to only increase. You wanted to taste her again, you wanted to have her like this forever, for her to be only yours.

Her walls tightened around you, she was close you could feel it, you knew her too well. Her moans became increasingly high-pitched and the atmosphere in the room became increasingly hot. With a loud moan she came, her head falling back, seeking to catch her breath.

You turned your head away from her and licked your lips tasting her with a smile.

“That was…” She said with a cracked voice.

“I know.” You smirked, sitting on the bed you grabbed Utahime by the hip and sat her down as well. “You don't think I'm done, do you?”

"I did not expect it." She answered.

Getting into position, you began scissoring, grinding harder and harder against each other. You both started to kiss while the room filled with noises of your moans and the sound of that old bed.

Grinding faster with each passing moment you felt how your body was starting to tremble. You ground your hips into Utahime's as your intimacies collided, sending shockwaves through your sweaty, desire-filled bodies. Grinding your pussies together for a little longer, you both came with a long, agonizing moan that filled the room, which then fell completely silent. Only your labored breaths were audible.

You grabbed Utahime's hips and laid her down, wrapping your arms around her. You felt her pulse and her warmth invading your body and her smell of flowers hit your nose.

Utahime turned to look at you and smiled. “Thank you for not giving up on us.”

You shook your head with a smile being drawn on your face. “I could never give up on us.”

Utahime chuckled softly and your grip tightened around her. “I love you.” She whispered.

“Me too.” You whispered, planting a kiss on her forehead.

“I feel like I'm forgetting something.” Utahime whispered.

“I'm sure it doesn't matter, now let's sleep.” She hummed in response.

And so with your bodies intertwined with each other and feeling your warmth and your heart pumping, you fell into a deep sleep.

———

Extra scene

“It’s been 30 minutes, you think she was able to talk with her?” He said. “Or maybe should I go and check that she is not there crying in the hallway?”

A sighed came from the other side of the line. “Satoru… they are probably having makeup sex.”

“Oh.” Satoru gasped. “You think so Suguru? Oh that will be awesome! There could be two weddings soon.”

“Two weddings?”

“Of course, you and me and them.”

“I don’t see a ring on my finger Satoru.”

Satoru turned the car on and started driving. “Well Suguru, give me 10 minutes and I will be on one knee asking you to marry me, if you want me to be on both knees to do other things we also can.”

Suguru chuckled. “I will be waiting.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

[zeldasnotes]

how do you think Neptune in the 1st house can manifest itself in one’s life?

I already have my own opinion but I’ve got to hear yours

Neptune 1st house 🪄

DISCLAIMER & TRIGGERWARNING: Contains mentions of abuse. These are my personal observations and not facts. The whole chart has to be taken into consideration.

Neptune 1st house often means having a distorted sense of identity. This can be for a lot of reasons. If we look at Marilyn Monroe for example(such a cliche to bring her up like we dont hear about her all the time). But anyways Marilyn had no bond to her real parents. She didnt know who her father was and her mother was very mentally ill. Marilyn quickly started calling her fosterparents and other adult women ”mom” without knowing them and we know kids usually only say that to their mother. Then she was sexually abused at the age of 8. Abuse like this completely distorts someones identity and developement. She went from foster home to fosterhome. Here again not being able to have a home to completely call hers which adds to the no identity thing. Also having to act nice because shes constantly living with people shes not comfortable with.(Learning how to shapeshift) this makes Neptune 1st housers very good actors. This is a common childhood experience for a lot of Neptune 1st house people. Not the exact scenario as Marilyns but still, constant situations that takes away from the persons sense of being a real and stable person.

So with this placement you might feel like you 1. Dont know how you look. 2. Dont know who you are. Because you constantly had to focus on everything else other than creating an identity. Your parents and relatives probably projected onto you a lot too. People constantly TELL you who you are. They dont do it on purpose they just cant stop seeing their own issues or fantasies in you. So with this placement you have to learn how to take yourself back and get to know yourself from scratch. You might feel like you dont know what you want to work with, what your interests are or what you really think and feel about stuff. You also might have to learn to tell people off and get them to stop telling you who you are.

This placement can result in someone whos constantly in a state of disassociation, never completely here which can make you feel like an outcast because nobody will ever get ”you”. You might constantly become what the other person wants you to be and live life swinging between different personalities. If you are the undeveloped type you might even use this to manipulate everyone around you for fun or to gain from them.

Physically this makes someone very hard to describe. You come across differently to everyone to the point someone might say you are curvy while others say you are skinny. You might also change weight often. You can have a body thats skinny and curvy at the same time in a way nobody can describe it making it easier for them do project their ideal onto you. You might have a babyface and a very innocent kind of look. The eyes will be very glossy almost like you are crying or put lipgloss on them. A veil of glow over you. You might also have babyhair standing up around your hairline like a halo. Angelic and cute. You have a very hard time seeing yourself realistically which can (depending on rest of the chart) result in body dysmorphia, especially if Venus and Ascendant is afflicted.

[poisonlove]

Can I have a request!? Jenna Ortega x Fem!Readder

"so.. you're just going to.. give up on me." "that is NOT what i meant-" "you're not willing to fight for me either. i think it's pretty clear, Y/n."

Credits to: urfriendlywriter

-Thank you!

FIGHT | j.o

Pairing: Jenna Ortega X reader

Status: request

Warning: fluffy

The distance was becoming difficult to bear.

Jenna was in Romania for the filming of 'Wednesday,' and our relationship was feeling the strain. Her messages were becoming rarer, and our calls, though filled with love, were always too brief.

I was in Italy, far from her, and the emptiness I felt was growing each day.

My eyes were fixed on the screen of my phone, waiting for Jenna's response: would she be up for a Skype video call?I nervously bit my lower lip, palms sweating. I wanted to see her and talk to her about... us. I don't want to seem selfish; I know how hard she's working, often late into the night... but is it too much to ask for a simple good morning every now and then?

I was even considering the idea of taking a break, not because I don't love her, but maybe it would be one less thing for her to worry about.

Jen❤️Call

I quickly skimmed my girlfriend's message and tapped on the Skype icon, calling Jenna.

After three rings, Jenna picked up.

Jenna's tired face appeared on the screen. "Hey, Amore" she said with a smile, "how are you?"

I looked sadly into her sleep-deprived eyes, feeling a wave of guilt wash over me.

I'm a horrible person.

I tried to smile, but the worry was evident in my eyes. "Hi Jen," I replied, forcing the corners of my lips into a smile.

"Everything okay, Amore?" Jenna responded with concern, likely noticing my obviously fake smile.

Of course she noticed, she's an actress.

"I can't wait to come home and hold you," she added, looking at me with total admiration, her brown eyes sparkling uniquely. I played with my fingers, looking down at my legs feeling the weight of the words I needed to say.

I took a deep breath.

"Jenna, we need to talk about how things are going between us," I said, wanting to get to the point.

I felt my heart pounding in my chest, every word charged with tension.

Jenna immediately noticed the seriousness in my voice. Her smile faded.

"What's wrong? Did I say something wrong?" I looked up and saw her expression change from happy to deeply troubled, her teeth biting her lower lip forcefully.

"No, you didn't say anything wrong," I replied, trying to stay calm despite the anxiety growing inside me."It's just that... it feels like we're drifting further apart. Your messages are rare, and the calls, as lovely as they are, are too short. I feel neglected," I timidly confessed, feeling my voice tremble.

Jenna sighed, running a hand through her hair.

"I know, and I'm sorry. The work here is grueling, and I try to make time for us, but it's not enough." Her smile returned, but it was forced. "Three more months and I'll be with you," she said calmly, her tone hopeful but tinged with despair.

"It's not just about time, Jenna," I continued, tears welling up behind my eyes. "It's that I feel like I'm not a priority to you anymore." I confessed, feeling the knot in my throat tighten.

Jenna looked at me with genuine concern.

"Don't say that. You're the most important thing to me," she said, looking at me sadly, her eyes watery. I could see the pain reflected in her eyes, and it broke my heart.

Jenna hates seeing me cry; it makes her sad.

"Then why don't you show it?" I snapped, my voice trembling with emotion. "I love you, Jenna, but I can't keep feeling this alone," I said angrily, sadness mixing with the rest of my emotions.

Jenna clenched her fists, frustration evident on her face.

"Do you have any idea how hard it is for me? I've been working for hours, learning scripts, shooting grueling scenes. I'm exhausted!" Jenna looked at me with anger, gritting her teeth. I could see the fatigue and frustration building up inside her like a volcano about to erupt.

"It's never enough for you, is it? You always want more," she said with frustration, her voice cracking.

Ouch. I felt her words like a stab in the gut.

"I don't deny that," I retorted, "but I can't ignore feeling neglected. Even a simple message once in a while would make a difference." I suggested, feeling the anxiety grow inside me as I noticed the change in atmosphere between us.

Jenna's anger soon gave way to sadness, and a strange look came over her eyes.

"So... are you... giving up on me?" she asked, her voice filled with pain. I could sense the fear behind her words, a fear that resonated within me too.

Her words hit me like a punch to the stomach.

"That's not what I meant-"

"Then are you willing to fight for us?" she interrupted, frustration and desperation in her voice. "Or are you going to leave me?"

I took a moment to gather my thoughts, feeling the tension rise.

"Jenna, I want to fight for us, but I can't do it alone. I need you to be willing to do the same. We can't make it if we don't both put in the effort. I love you, but I need to feel closer to you even when we're apart. We can find a balance, I'm sure of it, but it takes both of us." I felt tears running down my cheeks, every word filled with hope and fear.

Jenna remained silent, analyzing my words. Her gaze was intense, as if she was trying to understand every nuance of what I had said.

"You're right," she finally said, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. I sighed loudly, finding her adorable, my heart lighter seeing her so vulnerable.

The sound of someone knocking on her door made me raise an eyebrow in confusion.

I looked at the screen, trying to figure out what was happening.

Jenna sighed and looked towards the door, irritated. "Coming!" she said to whoever was on the other side. "Damn persistence," she muttered softly before looking back at me with a big smile.

She muted the video call.

Jenna stood up from her desk chair, revealing her casual attire: an oversized T-shirt and a pair of shorts I had lent her for the trip. My heart swelled with tenderness seeing her wear something of mine, making me smile like an idiot.

As she walked away, I glanced at her trailer curiously. The walls were adorned with photos of us together, taken in happy moments. A plush toy I had won for her on our first date rested next to her pillow. There were work notes scattered on the table, highlighted scripts, and a half-empty coffee mug. The atmosphere was a mix of chaos and warmth, a perfect reflection of her current life.

Jenna returned to the computer, a strange look on her face. She seemed worried, as if something had troubled her.

"Everything okay?" I asked with concern.

Jenna unmuted and looked at me guiltily.

"It was Emma; she said Tim urgently wanted to see us," she said calmly.

I sighed loudly, feeling frustration grow.

"Go, I love you," I said with a small smile on my lips.

Even though I wanted to talk to her more.

Jenna widened her smile and blew a kiss to the camera. "Love you more," she said, smiling broadly, winking at me before ending the call.

I was alone again, the feeling of emptiness returning to fill the room. I looked at the dark screen, trying to process the conflicting emotions inside me. I felt relieved for having spoken up but still worried about what the future held for us.

But I realized it was time to make a drastic decision.

(...)

With the suitcase gripped tightly in my hands, I made my way towards the filming location accompanied by Percy, Jenna's best friend who had volunteered to come with me to ensure everything went smoothly.

As I navigated through the bustling security crowd on set, I reflected on how I had come to make this decision. I had chosen to take the flight to Romania because I felt a deep need to see Jenna. The long weeks of separation had intensified my desire to embrace her again, to feel her presence beside me.

The journey had been an ordeal, with its complications and unexpected expenses, but nothing could stop me. I felt that this gesture was important not only for the two of us but also for the future of our relationship. I was determined to show Jenna how much she meant to me, how much I was willing to do for us.

"I have to admit, it's a bit more challenging to get in here than I thought," I commented with a sigh of frustration as we made our way through the security crowd on set.

Percy nodded with a sympathetic smile.

"I figured. But you know, this is a big surprise you're giving Jenna. She'll be over the moon."

"I really hope so," I replied as Percy offered silent support while we continued to walk.

"Thank you so much for coming to meet me at the entrance and for avoiding the security questions by saying you were with me."

"Don't mention it," Percy replied with a nod.

"We're on the same team."

We exchanged a knowing smile as we continued to make our way through the set, searching for the spot where Jenna was filming.

There was utter chaos.

Cameras moved with precision, people walked frantically to coordinate everything, and Tim Burton's authoritative voice gave directives from behind the scenes.

As we advanced, I noticed Emma sitting in front of a makeup artist, focused as she was being prepared for her scene. With a glance, she gestured with her free hand to indicate where Jenna was.

"I'm going to get ready," Percy said with an apologetic smile, and I nodded weakly.

I left the suitcase in a corner.

Jenna, dressed as Wednesday, was in the middle of the forest on set, with a stern and concentrated look as she tried to get into character. However, her eyes seemed veiled with a subtle sadness. She scanned her surroundings, trying to focus despite the distractions.

Meanwhile, Tim Burton intervened from a distance with his authoritative voice.

"No, Jenna, you need to smile in this scene! Look at your uncle!" he said, trying to guide her performance and set the right atmosphere for the shot.

Jenna sighed loudly, visibly upset by the director's request. "Let's try again," she said determinedly to her crew, preparing for another attempt to capture the required emotion.

As the crew organized for the new take, Jenna finally spotted my figure among the actors and crew present on set.

Her face suddenly lit up with a radiant smile, momentarily forgetting the scene's tensions and focusing all her attention on me.My heart raced at the sight of that genuine smile.

Our gazes met, and time seemed to stand still as Jenna hurried towards me.

"Y/n!" Jenna exclaimed loudly, her voice echoing through the trees on set as she ran towards me.

"STOP!" Tim shouted, and Jenna continues to run "who is y/n?" The producer asked one of his colleagues

Without hesitation, Jenna caught up to me and hugged me tightly like a koala, holding me affectionately and lovingly. I felt the warmth of her body against mine, and my heart filled with joy at her closeness.

"You're really here," Jenna whispered emotionally against my neck, sending shivers down my spine.

Jenna began to cry.

The brunette held the embrace with a strength that conveyed all her love and gratitude. Her tears, warm and salty, began to silently trickle down her cheeks as emotion overwhelmed her.I felt her heart beating strongly against my chest, her breath hitched with the intensity of her emotions.

I stroked her hair, trying to comfort her as she continued to cry.

"I'm here, Jenna," I whispered softly, holding her even closer. "I'm here with you, forever."

Jenna said nothing, but her embrace spoke volumes for her.

It was an embrace that meant more than a thousand words, expressing all our love, our struggle, and our resilience.We remained wrapped in each other's arms, in the silence of the forest on set, while the world around us continued to turn. It was a moment of pure vulnerability and reconnection, a moment we would both cherish in our hearts forever.

It was clear that those tears were tears of joy, gratitude, overcoming fear, and rediscovered love. In that moment, all that mattered was that we were together, embraced and united, ready to face whatever destiny had in store for us.

When Jenna lifted her face from my neck, her eyes shone with renewed intensity. Without saying a word, she began to kiss my face tenderly, leaving a mark of affection on every inch of skin she could reach.

Then, with a sigh full of love, her kisses became more intense and deep, ending on my lips with a passion that reflected her gratitude and the joy of having me close again.Our kisses grew more intense, conveying all the passion accumulated during our separation. I felt the warmth of her body against mine, as my hands gently caressed her back. Jenna responded with the same ardor, as if she wanted to completely merge with me.

Time seemed suspended as we lost ourselves in our embraces and kisses.

Then, slowly, we pulled apart, holding hands and looking into each other's eyes with an intensity that spoke louder than any words.

"Y/N," Jenna whispered, her breath still ragged with emotion. "I've missed you so much. I've wanted you so much."

My lips curved into a tender smile. "I've missed you too, Jenna. You don't know how much I've longed for this moment, to feel you close to me again."Jenna pulled me even closer, as if she wanted to make sure I was really there with her.

"I love you so much," she said sincerely, her brown eyes shining with love.

"I love you more than words can say," I replied firmly, squeezing her hand against my heart. "And I'm here to fight for us, for as long as it takes."

Jenna nodded slowly, a tear of happiness sliding down her cheek.

"Thank you for not giving up on me," she said, her voice moved. "I promise I'll always be here for you."

We embraced again, our hearts beating in unison. In that moment, I knew we were stronger together, ready to face any challenge that came our way.

I would never give up on Jenna, never.

[poppy-metal]

[ literally u dont have to write a single thought for this if u want i js want someone to match my freak BUT ]

stepdaddy art and dbf patrick trailing you to a club one night? its phase one in patrick teaching art his precious baby girl breaks a few rules - which art already knows, but he didn't realise exactly how until they follow you out. you, shining bright and brilliant amongst all your friends, radiant as the sun, alight with fire. its fire, too, like how patrick was, that sharp knack for commanding a room whenever you walk into it, demanding to be given what you want. but in a softer way than patrick did. sweeter, a more girlish light. the way art is: charming, bright, sunny. kind. you, in your little skirt - when a motorcycle blows by it flies up, and they catch a quick glimpse of the cutest little lacy panties - and your tight top, miles of legs and chest and skin. bare.

you, giggling and clearly tipsy, if not straight up drunk, flirting your way past the bouncer with your friends. they follow you in, slide the bouncer a few crisp twenties for his cooperation, and watch. watch you dancing, laughing, all hips and arms and shiny hair as you twirl with your friends, and fuck, its mildly reminiscent of another girl they liked a lifetime ago, watching another girl on the dance floor, waiting for the right moment to jump in and play for her number. hypnotic.

and they watch you. flirting your way into a round of shots for you and your friends. dancing right in the middle of the throng of people. arts pleased to see you turn down any guy that approaches you - "its girls night," you giggle - and patrick has to actually fight back a cheer when your heel stomps on a particularly pushy guy's foot. you're here to have fun, to dance. but you're drunk, and needy, and the guy you do end up making out with has patricks roguish grin and arts soft blond curls, but your hazy mind barely even registers this connection, and all patrick and art see is some douchebag with his hands on their girl. the executive decision is made not to interfere, if only because art knows you'd hate him for it. so they fume until you him away to go back to your friends, and they fume the whole ride home, and they fune when you text saying you're sleeping over with alyssa - who the fuck is alyssa?! - to study, and they fume until they fuck, arts face buried in your sugary-vanilla pillows, patrick wrapping a pair of your panties around arts dick, taking advantage of the fact that art cant really see, but he can hear, hears it when patrick asks him if it "feels good, huh? you want to cum all over her panties? yeah? go on, donaldson, you always were a perv, yeah, cum all over your baby girl's panties-" and art does, whining, sobbing, begging. they both pretend they're cumming in you, even though neither will admit it - art into your panties, patrick into arts ass.

you dont notice, when you return the next morning, that someone changed your sheets. you certainly don't notice the missing panties. art hates himself for it - vows it will never happen again. it will.

-kit (slowly going insane over this au)

I'm going to kill myself, truly im at my limit - @gamesetart

in my head - you and art dont know about eachother yet - its just kink talk, at the moment. he's not sure how either of you'd react - you're so possessive and needy of him. jealous so easily - and art. he's still pretty sure art will beat him bloody when he finds out patricks touched you at all - regardless of what he allows to be talked about in bed.

its just show art that you're grown up - to get art to stop seeing you as someone who needs protecting - look at her, art, she knows how to handle herself, she knows how to use her body and dance and work the men around her - she's not helpless and defenseless anymore.

art sees you differently after that night. he already had a hard time looking you in the eye after that night when he'd imagined you - he just realizes you' dont need him to shield you from anything. not anymore. and he..... doesn't like it. can hardly stomach it - who is he, if he can't be needed? its what hes revolved his life around - around you - around you needing him. you needed him when you were younger and your own mother didn't want you but he did and he was there for you and he took you in and you needed him growing up and you needed him for so many things you needed him to watch scary movies with you because they made you jump you needed him to tie your hair for you for school you needed him to buy you pads and tampons when you ran out you needed him to cook you food and be a safe place to come home to you needed him to teach you how to drive you needed him to pick you up from your friends house you needed him you needed him you needed him you needed him you needed him. you needed him.

and now you dont.

you're all grown up and you dont need him.

does he even know you anymore? will he get to know this new person you're becoming? does he want to not be needed by you?

no, he doesn't want that.

and its all he can think about on the drive home and later when patrick fucks him in your bed and he doesn't even fight it this time - just moans like a fucking whore when patrick wraps your panties around his cock and closes his eyes and thinks about you needing him. in a different way. in a new way.

you needed a dad for so long - you made him be that for you - he can be more - he can be anything - as long as you keep needing him - as long as you dont stop -

"god, dont stop -" its a plea - one patrick grants, wrapping the cotton more tightly around his cock, fitting his balls through the opening and rubbing the fabric into his shaft - fuck - "I'm gonna cum -"

"yeah -" patrick groans. he's fucking art so hard - like he's trying to punch art through your bed, the headboard is rattling against the wall, your stuffed animals falling from the bed. "fill her fuckin panties art - she's been so bad, huh? past her curfew and she's flauntin herself to older men - keeping her old man waiting up worryin' about her - while she's out being a slut - "

if it was any other situation art would knock his teeth out for talking about you that way. at the moment he can't, hes too amped up, hips bucking wildly, he reaches down to grip his own dick - shove it down so his head it rubbing into the patch of your panties where your cunt would rest - rubbing rubbing rubbing as his toes fucking curl in your sheets - "oh fuck -" he grunts, tenses -

when he cums - it shudders through his whole body. hole clenching, strangling patricks dick as his balls empty into your panties- stretching the fabric out lewdly around his cock -

"good boy - if she's gonna be a whore under your roof the least she can do is milk your cock - "

art whines. pulses out more cum weakly. thinks hes going to hell and that hes glad you'll never find out about this. you'll never know. you'll leave and you wont need him anymore and he just needs this to cope - that's all.

[thef1diary]

I absolutely love your writing!!!

Are you able to write something where reader is in a relationship with Max or Carlos or Lando. They sometimes playfight and yn usually wins. But one day the driver has to go somewhere else and uses his real strength to stop playing. And yn is shocked that he used to just pretend. Slightly angsty but mostly fluff.

Only if you can please :)

Playfight | M. Verstappen

warnings: slight angst, mainly fluffy

wc: 800+

masterlist

© thef1diary 2024. all rights reserved. Do not copy, steal, translate, or repost any of my work

You and Max have always been close. Long before you started dating, you were best friends, partners in crime, and each other's confidants. Your days were filled with inside jokes, playful banter, and those moments of playfighting that always left you breathless with laughter. You loved the way Max engages in these little tussles, seemingly evenly matched, making it all the more thrilling.

Today was one of those days. The afternoon sun streamed through the windows of your apartment, casting a warm, golden glow across the living room. Lounging on the couch, you and Max are scrolling through your phones and sharing random memes when the playful urge strikes you.

You nudge Max with your foot, a mischievous grin spreading across your face. "Bet I can take you down in under a minute."

He looks up, eyebrows raised, and chuckles. "Oh, really? Is that a challenge?"

You nod, laughing as you leap off the couch and adopt a mock fighting stance. Max follows suit, rising to his feet with a grin that mirrors yours. He's always game for a little fun, no matter how ridiculous.

You start your usual routine of playful attacks, knowing exactly how to make him laugh and stumble. But today, Max seemed a little distracted, glancing at his watch every few seconds. You notice but choose to ignore it, too caught up in the moment to let it break your stride.

"Alright, alright, you win," he says, attempting to end the fight quickly.

But you're not ready to let him off the hook. "Oh no, you don't get off that easy!" you tease, lunging at him again.

"Seriously, schat, I've got—" he starts, but you cut him off with a lighthearted shove.

"Come on, baby, fight back!" you urge, laughing as you goad him into continuing.

He sighs, clearly reluctant. "I really don't have time for this right now," he says, but you're too lost in the moment to listen.

You push him again, harder this time, and his expression changes. Without warning, Max grabs your wrists, twists you around, and gently but firmly pins you face-first to the couch. The sudden display of strength leaves you stunned, your breath catching in your throat.

"There, I win," he mumbles into your ear, before releasing you as he noted the time on his watch.

You lie there for a moment, processing what just happened. Slowly, you push yourself up and turn to face him, your mind racing. "Max... what was that?" you ask, unable to mask the shock in your voice.

He rubs the back of his neck, looking slightly guilty. "I'm sorry. I really have to go. I didn't mean to—"

"You've always let me win, haven't you?" you interrupt, the realization hitting you hard.

Max sighs, his shoulders slumping. "Yeah," he admits softly. "I didn't want to ruin the fun."

You sit up fully, the playful mood evaporated, replaced by a mixture of surprise and a sting of hurt. "Why?"

He shrugs, avoiding your gaze. "I liked seeing you happy. It was never about winning or losing for me."

Your heart clenches, a lump forming in your throat as you process his words. "You've been holding back this whole time," you say, more to yourself than to him.

He nods, finally meeting your eyes. "I didn't want you to feel... I don't know, like you couldn't beat me. It was more important to me that you had fun."

You reach out, taking his hand in yours, squeezing it gently. "You're too sweet for your own good, you know that?"

He chuckles softly, squeezing your hand in return, but the tension between you remains. "I try, and I'm sorry for rushing off like this. I'll make it up to you, I promise."

You shook your head, preventing a smile from forming on your lips as you thought of an idea. "No, don't make it up to me, we'll just have to rematch."

He quirked up an eyebrow, amusement dancing in his eyes. "Are you sure you want to do that again?"

A grin breaks through despite your best efforts to remain serious. "Absolutely. But this time, let's make it more interesting. How about we use Nerf guns or water guns, you name it. Let's see who really comes out on top."

Max laughs, the sound easing the last of the tension between you. "Now that sounds like a challenge I can't refuse. But remember, you asked for it."

You nod, feeling a thrill of excitement. "It's on, baby. Next time, no holding back."

He presses a kiss to your forehead, still smiling as he heads for the door. "I'll be ready. Just don't be too disappointed when you lose."

With a smile, you settle back, imagining the thrill of the next fight. It won't just be about winning or losing—it will be about showing Max that you're ready to match his strength, playfulness, and love, shot for shot.

Taglist: @nikfigueiredo @wonnou @jointhehunt67 @helenemandl6 @charlesleclercsonlywife @dreamingonbed @heylookwhoitis @67-angelofthelordme-67 @lochnoch @llando4norris @monsieurbacteria6 @namgification @lilymurphy03 @sargeantdumbass @hiireadstuff @racingheartsposts @d3kstar @xjval @namjoonswaifu @isabellewinchester @thedecalcomania-blog @casperlikej @khaylin27 @mlioravanfleet @mehrmonga @tellybearryyyy @wobblymug @bokutos-babyowl

[castlebyersafterdark]

I agree with you. The people who have problems with byler having sex are the younger fans. It has nothing to do with sexuality or gender. They are always calling people pedophiles for liking "their teen ship." It doesn't belong to them. I know many people have said this, but I think Will and Mike are meant to give a coming-of-age to people who never got one in the 80s. I think teens today have a hard time relating to it. Which may be part of the reason they are uncomfortable when people talk about it being groundbreaking. It's also noteworthy that no one gives a fuck when people were talking about mileven having sex at 14. A thing that was far more problematic for a lot of reasons. But byler having sex when they are older and emotionally mature is an issue for people. Adults tend to be more mature about sex. But this fandom in particular has been crazy to witness. The younger fans don't really get how to act in a fandom in general. They get upset if people have crack ships or do anything that isn't strictly canon. They get upset if someone has a theory that goes against what they like. They get upset if anyone actually has a background in a topic and knows more than them (i.e. there used to be a lot of people here who studied film and talked about that. At least up until a lot of younger people got upset they were proving their theories wrong. Then they got attacked for it.)

Being freaked out by sex falls in line with the rest of their behavior. Which is odd considering how many porn bots Tumblr has. You'd think they'd be more comfortable with it. But the people who are discussing spicy byler stuff are doing totally normal fandom things and I personally haven't witnessed anyone being creepy about this. So the outrage is (what a shock) out of proportion to the discussion that people are having about it. I think with this fandom in particular, there may have been more gay men in it at one point, but so many people have left now due to the hostility. I know Will means a lot to them so it's a shame if this is true. But I've seen a lot of homophobia coming from young people as well. Especially directed at Noah. It's possible they just left because they didn't want to listen to it anymore. I also thought it was funny and really odd that that one ask specifically mentioned lesbians being uncomfortable with byler having sex. WHY? No one is forcing them to have sex with a man if they watch it! It won't make them straight. People tend to like sex in general regardless of their own orientation. I'm sure there are lesbians around here who support the ship and the rep it brings and want it to be a good story too.

I don't have much more to add but this is a very good read on the current fandom culture in general!!

My hope moving forward is that well-adjusted and mature, level-headed fans just trying to have a good time exploring all a fandom/ship offers can find their people and seek out these little circles until the greater fandom changes as time moves forward, don't engage with contentious people who are probably teens ill-equipped to handle the world outside their own perspective yet, and keep speaking up against any hatred. Wish I'd done that in the past but, well. Here I am now. Continuously crossing my fingers for change on the horizon 🤞🤞🤞

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is: starryeyedjanai! @starryeyedjanai has 74 fics in the Stranger Things fandom and 60 of them are in the Steddie tag!

@steddieas-shegoes recommends the following works by @starryeyedjanai:

All things end and all things change.

what lurks beneath

nights like this

if i could hold you for a minute (i’d go through it again)

"Janai is one of those authors that can make absolutely anything hot. I could sit and talk for hours about how they characterize Steve and Eddie. I absolutely love everything they write and always make it a priority to open the AO3 email when the notification comes in!" -- @steddieas-shegoes

Below the cut, @starryeyedjanai answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

These two burrowed their way into my brain and just won’t leave. I can’t not write them when I am thinking about them literally all the time and am brimming with new ways for them to fall in love.

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

I’m kind of a sucker for steddie talking via notes, letters, etc. before they ever meet in person. There’s just something so special about them falling in love in unconventional ways before they ever meet in person that hits the spot, you know? I also just really love all the creative AUs that people come up with that I never would have thought of writing.

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

I love writing anything that has friends to lovers and especially if they are so, so stupid about it. Idiot4idiot my beloved. friends/acquaintances to lovers is So fun to explore because there are a million ways to do it. I love a good oh moment where things just click into place.

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

It is So hard to pick just one!!! So i’ll list a few: One that I have reread a few times that I just really, really love is All I Do Is Want by novemberthorne. There’s just something really special about it—all the emotion in the beginning and then the smut which is just top tier. like a sack of bricks and literally anything by alligator_writes is great off the beaten path by pukner is also really, really great

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

I have a fic idea that I've been thinking about for a while that involves alternate universes, like the metaverse, because if the Upside Down exists, there are probably other dimensions as well.

What is your writing process like?

It is honestly so variable. For the majority of my ficlets, I get an idea and just start hacking away at it intermittently until it’s done, so it’s safe to say that at any given time, I have like eight ficlets that are partially written. I never used to outline because I didn’t really write fics longer than around 5k, but since I’ve started writing longer fics, it is almost necessary for me to have an outline that hits all the major plot points because otherwise I will forget what I have planned. So for anything that I know will be longer than a ficlet, I’ll write out an outline, even just a few bullet points so that I can reference it when I’m writing and not lose sight of where the story is going. 

Do you have any writing quirks?

I use way too many em-dashes and my sentences are sometimes comically long, but the way I write is indicative of how fast my brain is moving, kind of. I typically headcanon Steve and Eddie to both have ADHD, so any fics in their points of view will have their thoughts coming out as fast as my own typically are. And sentence length and structure can really help convey that.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

I prefer posting once I’ve finished writing because my focus shifts around a lot and it sometimes takes a while for me to actually finish projects (like i had a fic that sat at 16k for months as I worked on other things that caught my attention and then I finally returned to finish the last couple thousand words six or so months later)

Which fic are you most proud of?

I am proud of all of my fics, but I really, really love how All things end and all things change. turned out. Some fics just come together so easily and this was one of them. I outlined the fic and let the idea marinate for a couple months and then I wrote ~20k in about a week and finished the fic.

How did you get the idea for All things end and all things change.?

This fic was for a holiday server exchange so my giftee gave me three prompts and I found ways to incorporate all of the prompts. I saw the prompt for mutual pining roommates and immediately knew I was going to write Eddie taking Steve home to Wayne over the holidays. I originally only planned on using that prompt, but the prompt for a snowy cabin getaway really called to me as I got further along in the fic and needed more tension between them. It was just a really excellent set of prompts.

When writing All things end and all things change., what was something you didn’t expect?

I did not expect it to get so long! My original estimate was 10k, but then I kept adding more to Wayne and Eddie showing Steve how special Christmas could be with people who care about him and then I added the cabin scene which added an easy 5k to the fic and then I was staring at what was, at that time, my longest complete fic. Wild.

What inspired what lurks beneath?

This honestly came out of left field for me because I had only ever written one other fic like it. I was doing kinktober for the first time and had a few different ideas for the prompt for that day and then I saw that the date of that prompt was Joey (@matchingbatebites)’s birthday and remembered her lake monster Eddie ficlet and instantly knew I wanted to explore a different version of lake monster Eddie.

What was your favorite part to write from if i could hold you for a minute (i’d go through it again)?

I really, really loved writing the flashes into the future at the end of the fic. Throughout the fic, there was some yearning and pining from afar and getting to write that everything works out in the end was cathartic.

How do/did you feel writing if i could hold you for a minute (i’d go through it again)?

Oh boy, this fic put me through the ringer. This was written for the steddie big bang and it was the first longer fic that I was attempting to write. I just had so many different ideas for this fic that it made it hard to choose the direction I wanted to go in. I probably have like an additional 20k words that just did not end up in the fic because it contradicted things that did end up in the fic or just didn’t fit with the vibe I was going for. There were times that I felt discouraged and felt like I might never finish it, but I am very pleased with how it turned out in the end! It was extremely rewarding to finally finish it and get it posted in February!

What was the most difficult part of writing nights like this?

Honestly, I don’t remember this one giving me any trouble at all. Once I got the idea in my brain, I think I sat down and wrote all 2.5k in a day. I do not know what my brain was doing during kinktober, but I think I ended up writing like over 60k that month and it was the only time that I’ve ever really been able to sit down and write a ficlet from start to finish like that and it happened with multiple of the ficlets that I ended up writing the day before they were published.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

I really love the lead up to the smut in my fic catch the embers on my tongue. Like eddie being a little self-deprecating and in awe that steve might feel the same way he does was so fun to write. Also the summary for surface level freak is probably one of my favorite things i’ve written.

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

Some of the projects I’m working on right now are things I can’t really talk about, but look forward to fics from me in the Steddie Summer Exchange, the Steddie Bang 2024, and the ST Sapphic Mini Bang!

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

Whoever nominated me, I am kissing you full on the mouth with tongue (if you’re into that kind of thing)

Thank you to our author, @starryeyedjanai, and our nominator, @steddieas-shegoes! See more of starryeyedjanai's works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[alittlebitofloveliness]

you should absolutely write the genderbent outsiders fic, it would be so interesting to see how many things get changed. often people genderbend one person and just turn them into someone everyone's attracted to rather than looking at character, or they do change everyone but it's still all surface level changes but from what i've seen you seem like you'd do something really interesting with it

(no pressure obviously but it's a really cool idea especially with the attitudes of the outsiders (how would the scene where they meet cherry and marcia play out for example?))

HI! Ok so I do love this idea but I dont have time to wrote a full fic with the nuance it deserves but I did write out two little scenes for it so I'll post them here! One is lifted almost directly from the book its just the genderben take on it :)

“Speaking of movies,” Dalia flicked away her cigarette butt, “I’m thinking of walkin’ over to the nightly double tomorrow night. Might find someone to fool around with. Anyone wanna come?”

Stella shook her head. “The boys are takin’ me and Soda to the game.”

She didn’t need to look at me the way she did then. I wasn’t gonna try and stick around or nothing. I liked Soda’s boy, James, well enough and sometimes they’d offer me and Dar to go with them when they went to do stuff, but I wasn’t gonna try and third wheel. I’d never admit it, because Soda really likes Stella a lot, but sometimes I hate her. She doesn’t need to be half so possessive as she is over everything all the time- and Soda is my sister.

Darlene sighed, just like I knew she would. Darlene never had time to do anything with us anymore. “I have a date tomorrow night.”

She sounded less than enthused at the prospect, and Soda and I shared a look. Ever since mom and dad died, Darlene had spent nearly every night she wasn’t working going on various dates, with each guy seemingly worse than the last- and much as she tried to hide it, it wasn’t hard for Soda and me to guess why. It kind of killed me that my once vivacious sister, who’d always been so fiercely independent, was throwing herself at every mediocre guy who looked her way trying to find someone to provide for her, for us. On her own, Darlene would never consider marriage, at twenty no less, but now she had Soda to support for another year and me for another four and we all knew her two jobs were barely covering bills already. Sometimes the guilt of it, what Dar had already given up and what she was further prepared to lose made me so guilty and sad I couldn’t stand it. I knew Soda felt the same way.

Dalia just rolled her eyes. She only went on dates when it suited her, and only to cause trouble. She didn’t get Dar’s obsession with finding a good man- or if she did, she clearly didn’t respect it. 

“What about the rest of y’all? Two-bit? Jennygirl? You an’ Pony wanna come?”

“Me’n Jenny’ll come,” I knew Jenny wouldn’t open her mouth unless she was forced to, “Okay Dar?”

***************

“You make sure she gets her ass straight home, Soda,” Darlene says, “I mean it.”

I roll my eyes and she fixes me with an icy glare.

“Don’t get huffy with me, Ponygirl. You’re lucky you ain’t grounded. You know better than to be goin’ to the movie house alone.”

“But-”

“No buts,” she fixes me with a stern glare. If it weren't for how cold her eyes are she could be real pretty with her tumble of smoky curls and delicate nose. Now though, she just looks mean, like Tamina Shepard or one of the other girls who date the gang leaders round town, “you ain’t a boy Pony, you gotta quit goin’ around actin’ like one.”

[fitgirlfemdom]

Small dick anon here. When I was 185lbs it measured 5 inches, but by the time I was 270 pounds it was only 4 inches with all the fat around it. I never used to have any complaints about my size but once I got bigger it changed. I would only occasionally slip out of someone before and was able to get a good amount of motion. By my biggest weight I had two sexual experiences. The first was with a longtime fwb who loved my dick I was around 260 and my partner likewise. With the extra weight it never stayed hard for as long, and I realized unless I was like totally hard I couldnt stay inside them at all. Theyd guide me in, I’d thrust my heavy overly sweaty body forward and when id motion back it would fall out. I ended up feeling so embarrassed after a few minutes of this that I took my half hard dick and just rubbed it against their clit using my hand and eventually I thrusting my shaft against them. In the end they came a couple times.

The next time I had sex I was even more out of shape at 273 and it was with a girl who was at least 270 herself. I tried fucking them missionary the same as the fwb but our stomachs were both so big. The same thing happened as before but I got hard enough to stay in. I literally couldnt actually thrust it forward it basically was just weight shifting without any friction. This only lasted a minute before she asked me to fuck her from behind. Her ass was huge and I barely got any friction, also had to rest my stomach on her ass to even get inside a little. She put her hands on the wall and rode my dick and that was the only way anything happened. Id never had it happen before but after about a minute i told her I was going to cum. I meant this to mean “slow down” but she started saying “cum for me baby” and pushed her ass into me harder. I came less than 10 seconds later drenched in sweat and completely out of breath. Id barely done anything. I felt so embarrassed I didnt even try fucking her again. She definitely didnt cum and she barely felt it at all.

I also had an online relationship where I showed her my dick and asked if she thought id be big enough to fuck her from behind or if id need a strap and she said “definitely a strap.” Apparently the first time i sent her a video of me touching myself it started with me being flaccid and between how fat my fupa was, you could only see the head and she thought i had a clit until i got harder. I’m 240 now so its still a small dick but i remember at my highest weight when i was flaccid even peeing had to be done sitting down because i didnt have enough length to aim and id have lean over to get the job done and then wipe up after like a girl. I wish I could have stayed that weight for longer, I really wanted to find a thin girl for the first time in my life just so I could see how disappointing I would be. Ive trained myself to cum in under a couple minutes and someday i hope I can get to be over 300 pounds so I can truly be pathetic. I was so close to buried penis syndrome I know with the right guidance and support I could get myself there and be a bit pathetic neutered fuck toy for someone to abuse and humiliate lol

AGHHHHH i've got a lot to say about this.

this reads like a fantasy scenario i'd post on here. the slow degradation of your sexual nature from average dude to sexual degenerate gets me going.

i've also heard from multiple pigs in my DMs that sex gets very difficult at the 270+ size, with cowgirl being the only suitable position. i can only imagine how difficult that would be if your female partner was also fat. honestly i'm having trouble understand how that would even work, but i digress. the girl's ass being so fat you couldn't even penetrate? honestly i feel bad for everyone in this situation. her riding you and making you cum in thirty seconds surprised me, as if i was in that situation, there's no way i'm letting a pig cum that quickly. omg i would've rode your face for an hour til you calmed your horny ass down

the last paragraph GOT ME. having such a small, covered dick that girls think you have a vulva is crazy. as a thin woman, i've never seen a dick that small in real life. i think the smallest dick of one of my partners was 4 inches, and it was so unsatisfying i swore off sex for the past year 😭 i can only imagine going out with a loser, giving him a chance, and getting home to seeing a one-inch nub between his legs. would you be able to penetrate anything with that? you'd probably have to just get oral for the rest of your life. i wonder how crazy it would feel to have a way smaller surface area, but the same amount of nerves, as an average sized cock. do you think you'd be sensitive? do you think you'd be able to have a vibrator on your little cockhead for more than a few minutes without shooting ropes? do you think if a pretty girl just sucked on your little cock for a few moments, you'd start moaning like a pathetic gooner? you'd want so bad to just fuck her like you used to be able to, but your dick just isn't good enough. you'll probably just end up humping her ass with your gut on her back while you cum down her thighs.

so helpless at sex that you'd just be reduced to sitting under your girl's desk, eating out her cunt while you jerk off your little nub between your fingers. eventually, you might get quite good at it. she might never even let you fuck her again, binding you up in a custom chastity cage because it's not like you can use it anyway.

aghhh thank you for this message small dick anon. i wish more of my inbox messages were like this

[abbyfmc]

Yandere Emperor! x Female! Reader Phrases #2:

A/N: Continuation of the previous part.

-"When did I say you could go? I brought you here to cuddle you"- The yandere emperor will surely have summoned you one night to serve him, and seeing that you were trying to leave or looking for excuses to leave, he will have closed any door or window, or grabbed you by the wrist or another part of the body.

-"If you are in love with someone else, I will behead him without hesitation"- He is the yandere emperor, and he is capable of anything to have you by his side, including extreme physical punishments or the execution of your partner or fiancé.

-"You didn't know who was going to attack me or how, and yet you protected me that year and suffered great damage to your body. I really appreciate what you did and I want to make it up to you by letting you be my wife."- In a story about Yandere crown prince x maid reader, you probably served the yandere prince (who in the future would be the yandere emperor) closely, and due to the environment in which he lived, you had to watch his back many times, ending up being sometimes punished by other superiors and even tortured. The yandere prince KNOWS about your wounds and scars and now that he is an emperor, he tries to reward you.

-"I will take good care of you."- A more subtle and "kinder" way to make you understand that you will not leave the palace.

-"No matter what you are, you will still be mine. You can be my empress, my favorite consort or concubine; and if you want to be a servant, you will serve at my side, so your rank within this palace does not matter; you will NEVER escape from me."- Another stern warning from him. You are partly right; since if you are his empress, consort or concubine, you will have to continue serving or obeying him in everything. If you are a maid, he will purposely make you clean what he tells you, wash her clothes, follow him and take care of him; or he would put you to hard labor as punishment, until you beg him.

-"If someone dares to hurt you, I will punish the person responsible and their family."- Before, in an imperial family the issue of clans was very important and people like the empress, consorts and concubines were no exception (come on, not even the maids, guards or eunuchs were saved from it) and if they did something very bad, The emperor could punish them and their families or clans with whatever he wanted; from exile, loss of compensation and living conditions, to multiple executions.

-"Every item sent to (Y/n)'s palace must be meticulously checked."- The yandere emperor KNOWS that fights and intrigues occur in the harem that mostly end in murders, attempted murders, poisonings, accidents, false accusations and even attempted abortions by some concubines on others. He would do it with the excuse of protecting you and your possible child.

-"I can't wait to see you carry our children in your womb. That will unite us more, and make you more mine."- The yandere emperor wants to sleep with you and get you pregnant (if you are a woman), because he thinks that not only could a prince from your side be the future of the empire (or if it is a princess, he could form marital and political alliances), but He believes that with that you will not leave his side.

-"I feel delighted with every walk I take with you. Every talk, every laugh, every meal, every celebration and even when you sleep with me, I feel great; something I never experienced with anyone else."- The yandere emperor would love every moment with you; more preferably alone than in a group with his other imperial women.

-"Let these marks or scars be a clear warning in case you try to escape again."- The yandere emperor is strict with his rules, and the "no escape" rule is undoubtedly the strictest. Every time he sees you trying to escape he not only locks you up, but physically punishes you so that when you see the scars when you change or bathe, you have a memory of what will happen to you if you try to escape from him again.

-"I always collect every gift you give me, although there is one that I still fight for and that you still don't give me: your heart."- Yes, the emperor adored and appreciated either discreetly or indiscreetly each of your gifts; whether it was new clothes, new accessories, some painting on him, some sculpture, a show or simply personally playing an instrument for him. But he knows that you do it without love for him.

-"I promise you that I will take care of you and our son."- He would probably make you pregnant, and as soon as he found out he put you under all kinds of 24/7 care. She watched you all the time and had every gift, food, drink or medicine that came into your hands thoroughly checked.

-The end.

[reorientation]

I really want to be corrected as a t4t gay trans man. Maybe I have a trans boyfriend that I love more than anything, we're a very happy t4t gay couple. Until you come into our lives and change that 😵‍💫 slowly over time subtly conditioning us into being good dykes on our knees at your service. I want the only way I'm able to be queer is as a lesbian. You make us go from gay men to lesbians, but it doesn't stop there. You have to break us back into straight women, so there's nothing queer about us left and we're just straight like you🥺. Maybe we miss each other as the boyfriends/girlfriends we used to be, but we're just not attracted to each other anymore no matter how hard we try because we're just straight women now 😵‍💫 but maybe you'll still make us have lesbian sex for you to torture us for your pleasure. Being broken like this would be so healthy and good for me.

There's not really a difference between being a gay couple and being lesbians, is there? After all, sexuality is a spectrum and so is gender - there's a reason why people use "queer" as an umbrella term.

And I mean... come on. Were you really convinced that this was what gay men looked like together? Did you ever actually see yourselves?

If you want to see what a man looks like, come here and get on your knees.

---

You never really wanted to be dykes, did you? I bet that's why you were so hesitant before - you wanted to say that you were each other's boyfriends instead of girlfriends. Because you knew "lesbian" felt wrong, somehow.

But you really messed it up, didn't you? Instead of just getting your own boyfriends like regular girls, you decided that you would be boys for each other. What a silly idea.

It's okay, though. Now that I've got the both of you, you don't need to try to be lesbians or pretend to be gay men. You have a real boyfriend now.

---

You really don't want to fuck each other anymore, do you? God, I love seeing the looks on your faces when you rub your pussies together for me.

That's all right, though. Oh, no - you still don't get to stop until I tell you to. But it's perfectly fine that you don't want to do it anymore. After all this time, you know what you're really for.

[faeriekit]

How to ask for fic reading recs:

Listen. I'm a librarian. I recommend books to people for a living. That being said, recommending books is a collaborative task that requires a bunch of questions on my end to make sure I'm getting you what you want. Think of it like an exchange; if you want good reading recs, you have to fork over some easy answers. It's simple: what do you actually want?

Recommending fics works virtually the same way...except that you're a million miles away and we're all stumbling onto your request for fic recs without that face to face convo. It sure makes it hard to ask those clarifying questions and actually get a straight answer! So, if you're asking for the next best read of your life, tell us this:

Name the fandom. Or the several fandoms you're friends with. (Duh.)

Name your comfort level with crossovers. Are they fine? Or are only certain crossovers fine? Do you hate crossovers?

Name certain characters that you can't stand, if you can stand to be known by your peers for your opinions.

Name your NOTP, or the ships you are okay with. Ooooor do you only want Gen fics?

Are there certain plot points you like? Tropes you're looking for? Are there things you're just so tired of that you can't bear another fic with the idea?? (And, honestly, same.) Name everything that could possibly be relevant.

Obviously this translates pretty 1 to 1 with an ao3 search, but your peers are more likely to remember fics that were great but never got good stats and therefore might not be well represented in a broad database search. Either way, open that tumblr post, put your fingers to the keys, and ask for help from your fandom community! We're all readers; who else is going to find you that next brainrot fic?

And do not forget: your public bookmarks are a quick and easy way to rec fics you like to your circle of fellow fans. Yes I know everyone has the heebie jeebies about the tragic ordeal of being known or whatever but this is how you actually support authors and the fics you love: by sharing them!! 🙃 No not ALL of your faves have to be public YES you can pick and choose NO the solution isn't to put them all in a collection because a lot of authors don't permit collections because of the risk of you accidentally privating their fic by changing your collection settings. Yes, the bookmark system is the only way to securely rec a fic that works universally without author involvement.They can see what you put in a bookmark tab though so don't be rude about your bookmark when you make it.

*sigh* Anyway...happy reading!

[bengiyo]

Don't Care for an Old Man's Underwear! Ep 8 Stray Thoughts

As always, this watch was made possible by @isaksbestpillow

Last time, Kakeru revealed to Mika and Moe that he wants to go to a premier makeup school, and will finish high school to make sure he qualifies. He had a good conversation with Hasegawa after being asked if he was gay, revealing that he sometimes finds either men or women admirable in their own ways but as yet has not felt love. Hasegawa expressed his admiration for Kakeru for never playing along with boy talk that also makes him uncomfortable. Kakeru also managed to form a new friendship with his rival. Makoto is struggling at work to keep his misogynistic senior from pissing off everyone, and it seems like Haranishi suppressed him with his bra for now. Makoto also unfortunately thought Kakeru was seeing two people and put his foot in his mouth again trying to be supportive. However, he did help Daichi by reassuring him that Madoka choosing him is also a valid choice, even as we all worry about Madoka giving up on being a vet to dodge his family's disappointment. Not to be forgotten, Makoto insisted that Mika enjoy the tickets they got for her.

I like how much easier the friendship between Daichi and Makoto feels at this point. Saying they help each other feels genuine.

Oh no. Is Daichi avoiding Madoka?

Looking forward to seeing more rude men at Makoto's job!

I love that Daichi doesn't lie to Kakeru about reaching out at Makoto's request.

Kakeru admitting that he took out his frustrations on his parents feels like an important step for him.

Oh no. Daichi is pulling back from Madoka, and now he's going to think Daichi is trying to get with Kakeru because Kakeru is so cute.

Hold on, I'm suddenly invested in Furuike trying to use the contacts he's built up across his career in a digital age that cuts down on human interactions.

Ah, Furuike knows the engineer who designed the copier and is trying to protect his reputation. He's also got little left in his life besides his idea of work and the efforts they made before, so he's trying to validate that their way of doing things wasn't completely wrong. Look at this show giving this unpleasant man recognizable humanity.

Okay, I was touched by the two old guys solving a problem together.

Also feels significant that Kakeru wanted to wait to talk to Makoto.

Aw, they get to bond over having similar troubles navigating human interactions.

"I respect your grit and perseverance. In order for them not to go to waste, would you please change with me?" is basically the plea the show is making to the masculine audience.

Not me crying because this old man made tea.

Kakeru teasing about never hearing his dad complain before also feels like a moment. I wonder if we'll return to Kakeru's comment about not being an adult.

Why do both Okita men blush the same way? Lol

For saying he stumbles constantly, Makoto recognized that Kakeru didn't tell him what he really wanted from that booth.

Oh, Kakeru. Once again this show hitting queer notes left behind in romance all the time. It's easy to resent people for not being able to understand you, but that's just hiding the loneliness and disappointment you feel at not being able to connect with them, too. Kakeru admitting that he's feeling sad that he can't be the son he wanted because his father is actively trying to be a father Kakeru can love and respect got me.

As always, Daichi doesn't tell Kakeru what to think, and reaffirms that Kakeru always has a choice in how to engage with the world.

Dammit, they got me again. Madoka explaining to Makoto how hard it is to tell your parents important things about yourself because of the huge stakes, and then trying to accept being dumped, is making my chest clench.

Oh, Makoto, finally your over sharing tendencies pay off.

Wow, this man is so tall that he could see Daichi over the crowd.

Ugly crying about Kakeru and Makoto talking out the baseball thing at the festival, and then Kakeru asking his dad to teach him how to use the pop gun to get what he wants for himself.

He let his dad put the necklace on him!

Daichi and Madoka are holding hands in public!

Well well well, Kakeru still has to face the boys on the baseball team.

This has quickly become one of my favorite shows of all time. She wasn't in this episode a lot, but Mika continues to be one of my favorites because of her instincts. She could tell that Kakeru wanted to face Makoto properly, so she makes sure to check in with him first before hovering to see that they're okay. She then later insists on sending Makoto to the festival in a yukata with Kakeru because she knows they need to do that together. If she doesn't insist on Makoto going and dressing up, he doesn't have that conversation with Madoka, and he doesn't make progress with Kakeru at the booth. She helped four men with her kindness and determination, and enabled her daughter to support her brother while also receiving validation about her hobby from her dad.

Makoto has come so far. I really loved him supporting his senior through the resolution of that work problem, and still telling him that his attitude was wrong. I also liked that he also got corrected by Shimura afterwards, who insists that he use respectful honorifics for her. He's finally earned the confidence of his team by being the leader they need him to be.

This show is excellent, and I've not cried this much watching a show in a long time.

[nhl-stories]

I'm Back- Jack Hughes feat. Nico Hischier

Summary: Lux stays with Jack in New Jersey, things aren't going as she expected.

Author’s Note: This is sequel of sorts to this previous work you don't need to read it to get this, but it's a good read if I say so myself. This is a bit of a romance story, but mostly it's an ode to platonic soulmates.

Also fudging the timeline of medical school interviews because this is my world and I can do what I want to fit my needs

Word Count: 5.3k

“Hey loser!”

Lux looks up to see Jack sticking his head out of the passenger window like dog.

“Hey moron,” she shoves his head back into the car and drags her suitcase to the back to the car.

Jack is out of the car and lifting it into the trunk before she has a chance.

“What a gentleman.”

Jack’s bright smile never fails to make her grin back, but she isn’t expecting the almost-tender hug that follows.

“Hi Luxy,” he mumbles into her hair, he sounds so tired, she squeezes a little tighter.

A honk jolts them apart.

“Our driver is a little impatient.”

Lux climbs in the back and wraps her arms around the seat and Luke’s shoulders before kissing his cheek.

“Aww look at my little Lukey all grown up.”

He shoves her back towards her seat.

“I could drive before,” he says petulantly before pulling away from the curb.

“Yeah, but now it’s in a car you bought on your own, because you have a job. Let me be proud I don’t have a little brother of my own.” she giggles as she sees Luke turn pink.

She lets him off the hook, and turns her attention to Jack, “Am I going to meet this new girlfriend while I’m here?”

Lux lifts a leg to kick Jack in the arm, “I should still be mad at you, I can’t believe I had to find out you have a serious girlfriend with the rest of gen pop on a fucking TikTok.”

“Sorry, she’s out of town.”

“How convenient,” Lux rolls her eyes, “now I won’t be able to prove I’m not a threat.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’ve spent our whole friendship proving to girls that we are strictly platonic and there’s nothing to be jealous of.”

“What would they have to be jealous about?”

If it were anyone but Jack the comment might hurt.

“Lots of men actually find me desirable, so a lot of women don’t understand how you don’t see me like that at all. And women can be just as territorial as men.”

“Remember Sam thought you two were dating just because you don’t fucking shut up about Lux.”

“Thank you, Luke, excellent point. And then people see us together and realize that is not the kind of chemistry we share. But without the live experience it’s hard to prove.”

“She’s kind of in a different league than you, she’s definitely not gonna be jealous.”

Lux kicks him a little harder than before.

When they arrive at the apartment, Lux immediately drops her bags and flops on the couch, “This’ll do.”

“You don’t have to sleep on the couch.”

“What are we gonna share? First, we have never been two friends-one bed type of friends, second, we just had the jealous girlfriend talk.”

“Then take Luke’s room,” Jack shrugs.

“Hey!” Luke looks up from his phone to protest.

“I’m not gonna take your room. You’re saving me so much money on hotels, I’m more than okay with the couch.”

“Now that it’s settled, get up, we’re going to dinner.”

Jack grabs her hands and tries to pull her up, Lux goes full limp body.

“Do we have to leave?”

“We just planned to meet up with some guys for dinner, we don’t have any food here” Luke adds, already looking antsy to go, probably more than ready for his next meal.

“Fine, can’t let you waste away,” she dramatically gets off the couch.

“Is that what you’re going to wear?” Jack gives her a once over.

“Do your teammates have some kind of dress code?”

She eyes the boys and casual outfits that wouldn’t be considered much nicer than her travel clothes.

“No, you just look a little… like you were on a plane,” Jack says like it’s diplomatic, not rude.

“Are you worried I’ll embarrass you in front of your teammates? Cause I can do that with or without changing.”

“Whatever, just– I don’t know fix your ponytail!”

Lux rolls her eyes but takes down her hair and shakes it out, before grabbing a change of clothes just to stop the whining.

“Oh my god guys, I was pretty the whole time! I might be too hot and irresistible for your teammates.” She comes back in tossing her fixed hair over her shoulder.

“And obviously you’d act on that,” Jack tosses her jacket at her.

“What makes you think I wouldn’t fuck one of your teammates? I used to fuck your brother!” Lux shoots Jack incredulous look.

“In fact, I could do both right now, what do you say Lukey?” She winks over at the younger brother.

“Please leave me out of this.”

“Okay, let’s not starve the baby any longer. But reminder, I’m a former WAG, it’s not like I couldn’t get an NHLer if I tried.”

“I’ll start matchmaking then,” Jack wraps an arm around her shoulder and leads her out of the apartment.

The restaurant is a lowkey sushi place. There are only about five Devil’s players, and Lux quickly realizes no other women are gonna be here. She has war flashbacks to the lake house in the summer. 

Lux squeezes herself between Jack and Luke at the table, she wants to have an easy conversation to fall back on.

“So, you’re the famous Lux,” a man with a toothless grin, who Lux learns is Dawson, says from across the table.

“Famous? What have you heard about me?” her stomach twists, probably good things, but Hughes brothers might not be the only ones talking about her.

“With the way he talks about you, I thought Jack was dating you for a while until I learned you were dating Quinn.”

There’s a scuffle under the table, “Oh right, sorry about the break up.”

Lux flushes, “Um- it’s been a while don’t worry about it, I’m not heartbroken.”

“Well, the other two Hughes brothers love you a lot, always telling stories about you. And Nico said you were really nice.”

“Oh yeah, when you had to introduce your girl best friend to your new best friend,” she pinches Jack’s cheek.

“I took you guys to that place in Greektown,” she perks up a bit, “Is Nico coming tonight?”

Jack eyes her for a second before John Marino butts in, “he bailed, said he was feeling tired.”

The rest of dinner is good, but Lux can feel herself fading fast. And while she’s starting to lean heavily into Jack’s side, he doesn’t seem to get the message.

“You guys want to hear about the time Jack tried to ask out a girl in our chemistry class?”

“Right, you have to get up early, we should go,” Jack is quick to stand.

Luke snickers and doesn’t get to his feet, wants to see where this goes in front of their intrigued teammates.

“After I can talk about when Luke was like 14 or 15 and–“ Luke shoots up and drags Lux up with him.

“Nice to meet you guys, see you later,” Lux calls as they push her out of the restaurant.

:::

She’s hit with the scent of cooking as she comes in the apartment, and takes off her shoes.

“I can finally take this bra off, it’s so uncomfortable but it’s the only one that works with this­– oh. There’s company.”

Lux freezes, one cup of her bra sticking out of her sleeve. Jack is facing the stove, not paying attention.

“Nico’s staying for dinner.”

Nico gives an awkward wave from his spot at the kitchen island with a glass of wine.

“Hi Nico,” she pulls the bra out the rest of the way, “Would have loved a little warning about the company,” then she whips Jack with her bra on her way out, ignoring his protest as she leaves.

She comes back into the kitchen and suddenly feels very exposed in her baggy Lions shirt and old, worn-out short shorts. Her packing hadn’t included thoughts of what to wear in front of men who are basically strangers.

She tries to ignore the heat in her face and confidently take the seat next to Nico, where a new glass of wine is waiting for her.

“Hi Lux, nice to see you again,” he swivels in the barstool, bumping her knee with his.

“You too, even if it didn’t seem like I was before,” she takes a nervous sip of wine.

“Just with the whole bra thing, I try to keep the number of NHLers who’ve seen my nipples to a minimum, it’s probably already too high.”

Nico let’s out a laugh so delightful Lux feels her heart flip. She always thought Nico was cute, but up close and laughing at her jokes, she thinks it’s a bona fide crush now.

Jack scoffs, “You were dared to flash me, so I don’t really count.”

“Okay, so minus Jack, the three is probably enough.”

“Wait, who else saw your nipples?” Jack is less interested in what’s cooking now.

“Quinn, obviously. And Cole at prom; remember the strap on my dress broke, he got and eyeful before he helped cover me up.”

She takes another sip, let Jack’s mind run a bit wild.

“And Lukey walked in on me changing into my swimsuit once.”

The knife Luke is using to chop vegetables clatters onto the cutting board, “You said you’d never tell anyone that!”

“No, I said I wouldn’t tell Quinn that,” and she pretends to look around the room, “and there’s Jack and Nico… no Quinn.”

Luke’s cheeks are burning red and Jack looks like he’s torn between laughing and fuming, which ultimately makes him look a bit constipated.

“You were like 15 and had access to the internet, I doubt my tits were that impactful.”

“Can I throw myself out of a window now?” He looks like he’d prefer to melt into the floor.

Lux stands up and hugs Luke, pinning his arms to his sides, “Don’t worry I won’t let your older brother beat you up over it, though I think you’ve literally grown out of that phase now that you’re taller than him.”

“Now that we know that everyone here but Nico has seen your boobs.”

“We could change that…” Lux chirps at Jack and gets a shove from Luke.

“How was your interview?”

Lux shrugs, “Good, I think… I could not read the interviewer at all.”

“I’m sure you crushed it,” Jack gives her a noogie.

���Thank you for the vote of confidence, but it’s one of the most competitive med schools in America, so I’m not keeping my hopes up too much.”

Before the pair can continue arguing about how smart or not smart Lux is, Nico butts in.

“You’re interviewing for medical schools, right? Where at?

“Today was Columbia, I have Cornell tomorrow, and NYU Friday.”

“All just a train ride away,” Jack says as he starts to move them towards the dining table.

“And I haven’t decided if that’s a pro or con yet,” Lux smirks, before taking a seat.

“So, are you coming to both games?” Nico starts, clearly a ploy to stop the bickering before it really starts, already reading the duo’s antics.

“Of course, she’s coming,” Jack jumps in continues to cut off any protest, “you’ve never seen me play a home game and you’ve never even seen Luke play in the big leagues live!”

“But we agreed one game, two in one week is will ruin my whole yearly quota.”

“You’re not a hockey fan?”

“That’s an understatement,” Luke laughs.

“Years with the Hughes family, then becoming a WAG, and we still couldn’t convert her,” Jack says wistfully.

“Maybe The Rock will change your mind,” Nico says thoughtfully.

Lux shrugs, she doesn’t want to rain on his parade, “Who are you playing? Just so I can make sure I don’t get a Zegras jumpscare.”

“He has a girlfriend.”

“I don’t think his relationship status would change how much he enjoys annoying me.”

“We’re not playing the Ducks, plus he’s out with a broken ankle anyway, I don’t think he’s traveling,” Jack adds, his tone hinting that there’s more on that subject he wants to discuss.

“Okay I can tell you’re dying to talk shop, so go ahead,” she’s surprised they let it go on this long.

“We were actually going to talk about the Canucks right before you got here,” Luke say with a little apprehension, always thinking of Lux’s feelings.

“How is Captain Q doing? They’re playing shockingly well, right?”

“I thought you didn’t like hockey?” Jack mocks.

“Our moms talk, I follow hockey players on socials, information gets disseminated.”

Jack makes a face, clearly unsure if that last word means what he thinks it does.

“The Canucks pretty much guaranteed to make it to the playoffs,” Luke probably knows disseminated doesn’t have anything to do with semen.

“Damn, I missed my chance to get a WAG jacket.”

Then the boys are off on tangents about trades and special teams and injuries. Lux silently enjoys the familiar chatter, letting it wash over her like a warm hug. Though she isn’t absorbing any of the information.

 She barely notices when the conversation turns to her while they start to clear the table.

“If you don’t want to sleep on the couch again, Nico has a spare bedroom.” Jack says as if he’s had to repeat himself.

“Excuse me?”

“He lives just upstairs, and has a guest room.”

“I’m staying here to spend time with you l, why would I want to stay at some strange guy’s apartment, no offense Nico.”

“No pressure, if you change your mind the offer is open,” Nico has such a kind smile Lux almost ask if she can stay in his bed.

“Thank you, that’s very nice of you, but I think I’ll stay here.”

Nico nods and says good night before leaving. Lux counts to five after the door shuts behind him.

“What the fuck was that?” Lux glares at Jack.

Jack isn’t quite sure how to respond.

“Why are you trying to pawn me off?”

He shrugs, “I’m not, but he does have a spare room. And it’s nicer to sleep on a bed. And if you happen to hit it off, that’s cool you’ll have another friend when you move here.”

Luke scoffs and retreats to his room, not wanting to get implicated in any scheme.

“So, you have ulterior motives?”

“That makes it sound like my motives are bad, friends are a bad thing now?”

“Friendship isn’t bad, but this feels like you know something I don’t and that makes me very uneasy.”

“I’ve never known something you don’t,” he gives a cheeky smile and Lux rolls her eyes.

He puts the last of the plates in the dishwasher.

“I’m gonna take a shower and go to bed, night Luxxy,” he ruffles her hair as he walks by.

Then she’s alone.

At 9 PM.

Not shooting the shit with her bestie.

Maybe she should have stayed with Nico.

:::

The Cornell interview is a dream. Lux had gone to other interviews and liked a few, but this was different. She was vibing with the interviewer. Everything she learned about the school she loved.

Everything just felt right. 

She was floating on air as she walked the streets toward Central Park. The pizza she stopped for tasted better… although that might have been a New York thing and not a feeling good in the moment thing.

She texts Jack a good luck for the game but doesn’t get a response, she assumes he’s napping or in the zone or something. It’s not a part of their usual texting unless she somehow knows there’s a specifically important game; like when he plays Quinn or the stadium series a few weeks ago.

Lux meets up with a friend from college, who takes her out for drinks then dinner then more drinks. She’s a little tipsy when she gets on the train to Jack’s apartment, insisting to her friend that she doesn’t want to sleep on a futon in her studio apartment.

Halfway there she realizes she should check the score before she gets back. She may not care about hockey but she cares about her friend’s feelings and knowing what kind of mood he’ll be in can only help.

They lost.

Quinn would get quiet and introspective when he lost a game, so it was always easy for Lux. Not only were they not in the same city, but usually he didn’t want to talk. Jack usually got grumpy and wanted to complain. So not the exact environment she was used to or really wanted to be in.

She gets back before the boys somehow. She’s not exactly sure how.

So, she gets ready for bed and turns on the TV, of course it’s already on some channel playing sports highlights. Lux flips around to find something more mindless when they boys come home.

Luke plops down on the couch, suit jacket discarded immediately. Jack sort of awkwardly stands behind the couch, staring at the TV where Lux stopped on a game show.

When neither of them speaks up, Lux fills in the silence.

“Sorry about the loss, but goal and an assist that’s pretty cool,” she looks up to Jack with a sad smile, hoping she’s at least a little comforting.

“Mmmhmm,” Jack hums.

She tries a new tactic, “Cornell went well.”

“Cool.”

“I liked it, a lot.” She emphasizes.

“Cool.”

“How about we order pizza, watch bad TV, and not talk then?”

“I’ll pass,” Jack finally moves, heading to his room and shutting the door behind him.

She looks over to Luke, “He’s being weird with me, right?”

“Kind of,” Luke avoids eye contact, his tell when he’s trying protect his brothers in some way.

“We haven’t hung out, just the two of us since I got here. Hell, we haven’t even done a Lux and the Hughe bros night. I want to know if I did something wrong.

“It’s not you, he was really excited you were coming. Wouldn’t shut up about everything he wanted to show so you’d fall in love with here like he has.”

Lux smirks at that.

“I think the season has been rough for him, he’s been taking it out on himself a little.”

She scoots down the couch and pulls Luke into her side with a hug.

“And how are you doing?” She gives him a squeeze, her instinct to big sister Luke coming out.

“It’s my first full season, I’m just happy to be playing. And Jack’s been taking good care of me.”

“What an insane sentence, but glad you have each other here.”

“And I heard talk of pizza,” he hugs Lux back.

“You’re the local, tell me where to order from,” she ruffles his hair.

:::

Lux wakes up early despite her late night of TV and pizza. She clears off the table before heading towards Jack’s room.

She knocks gently, before just walking in. Though she hovers near the entryway.

“What’s wrong with us?”

Jack’s lying in bed looking at his phone, double chin on full display. Lux would normally make fun of him, or take a picture for her own blackmailing purposes, but now’s not the time.

“What do you mean?” He doesn’t look away from his texting or whatever he’s doing.

Lux crawls into the bed and lays on her side facing him.

“I thought we weren’t ‘share a bed’ friends?”

She rolls her eyes, snatches his phone and throws it to the foot of the bed. It gets lost somewhere in the crumpled duvet.

“When you’ve been using your brother and teammates as a buffer to not be alone with me, I’ll bend our friendship rules.”

“Okay we’re alone, what’s wrong with me?”

“It’s not just a you thing… it’s an us thing.”

Jack finally turns his head to really look at Lux.

“We haven’t talked at all since Christmas, and even then, it was like for 15 minutes between family obligations. And we’re barely texting.”

Lux hates her body for betraying her, tears starting to well up even if she’s more frustrated than sad.

“It feels like right before Quinn broke up with me.”

That gets Jack to sit up, confused, a little angry.

“I’m not fucking breaking up with you.”

“Good, I don’t think I could survive a second Hughes break up.”

Jack sighs, “Just this year has fucking sucked for me, we’re not doing as well– I’m not doing as well as I thought. And you’re in your senior year and applying to med schools, I didn’t want to add my own stress to you.”

“Are you still hurt?”

“Kind of, but we’re like still sort of in the race for a playoff spot and if I can just get us in…”

Lux knows to bite her tongue when it comes to injury management. They’ll play through the pain even if it’s not necessarily the best for themselves, if there’s a chance it’s best for the team.

“And on top of that you get a girlfriend, a meet your parents kind of girlfriend.”

“I guess I’m not over you and Quinn breaking up!”

Lux swallows, tries to put together a coherent thought.

“I know you had a crush on Quinn forever, and I was happy for you guys, but you were my friend first and he kind of ruined that. And now I feel like I have to be careful when it comes to talking about him, or relationships, or even just making fun of you. 

He finally turns onto his side.

“And most importantly I want to talk to you about how Quinn’s girlfriend is so nice it’s kind of annoying.”

“Oh my god, she’s too nice! Do you know she follows me on Instagram? We met like that one time at the lake and she comments on all my pictures about how pretty I am. She knows I’m his ex, right?”

“Oh yeah, it was a whole weird thing when we all played each other the first time. Quinn apparently hadn’t told her explicitly and we made some joke or something and then she just was like ‘oh she’s so nice and pretty, no wonder you liked her.’”

Lux can’t help but laugh.

“I mean maybe I couldn’t handle that like right after the break up, but I was so lost after. I didn’t know how to be a college student without a long-distance boyfriend and still be a good student or friend and whatever, and I was such a bitch at the end of our relationship I thought you wouldn’t be on my side, which you shouldn’t”

“What?”

“We were already having problems, but I purposely made them worse. Like, while I was dodging all his calls, you came to play in Chicago and I made sure that we took a picture together because I knew you’d send it to the family group chat and he’d see I was just living my life.”

“That’s fucked up.”

“I know! I can’t believe he never told you that. He really is like the best brother.”

“Why did you do that?”

“I don’t know, I think I wanted a break but I didn’t know how to ask for one, so I ruined it. And sometimes I think if we took a break maybe we’d get back together again, but also, I just don’t think we were meant for long term.”

She reaches across to grab Jack’s hand, “But us… this shit is forever. We have almost nothing in common and you’re still the first person I want to call with big news or if I need advice, which is crazy cause you’re one of the dumbest people I know.”

Jack laughs, it’s a little wet. They have to ignore it because they love each other but it’s not emotional like this.

“Okay, so I’ll still be your future kids cool Uncle Jack? Even if we’re not blood related?”

“Of course.”

“Okay enough of this emotional stuff, it’s very gross.”

“But what if we kissed right now,” Lux wiggles her eyebrows while trying to keep a straight face.

Jack shoves her hard enough she teeters dangerously on the edge of the bed, as she howls with laughter.

“Okay then tell me why you’re trying to set me up with Nico?”

“He’s brunette with a lot body hair but almost none on his chest, that’s your type.”

“Oh my god! Shut up, that is not my type,” Lux covers her face, masking her laughs and her embarrassment.

“Palmer from high school was a fucking wolf man.”

“Okay, well recent studies show that’s not my type.”

Jack gags.

“Nico may also sort of be seeing this woman who’s massive bitch to him. And I like him and I like you, so maybe if you hit it off… it would be good for everyone. And make you want to move here.”

“I’m not making life altering decisions based on boys… even for cute Swiss boys or platonic soulmates.”

The door opens suddenly, “We’re gonna be late for morning skate, dude.”

“What if we had been having sex, dude?” Lux says while stretching out on the bed.

“Then the world would be ending, so it wouldn’t really matter,” he rolls his eyes, “I’m pulling out of the garage in 10 minutes with or without you.

“Want to go shopping later?” Jack asks Lux as he gets out of bed

“Are you paying?”

He scoffs, “Sure.”

“Then I’m in. Have fun at morning skate, I’m gonna nap in your bed.”

:::

Things snap back into place almost immediately, like it was more effort pushing each other away than just letting themselves get pulled into each other’s orbit.

And all feels right in the world again.

Thursday is another game day; Lux is reading on the boy’s balcony while they nap. She jolts when the sliding door opens.

“Sorry to scare you,” Nico in a suit sits down across from her, “they still napping?”

“Yes? I don’t know their routines. Why are you here?”

“We’re carpooling.”

They sit quietly for a bit, before Lux finally puts her book down.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been to a game, is this appropriate attire?” She stands up and does a goofy little spin.

“What are you doing?” Jack asks from the doorway, a playful smirk on his face like he’s getting away with something.

“I’m asking if I’m dressed alright, since I’m sitting in your girlfriend’s spot with all the WAGs.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t force her to wear your jersey,” Nico laughs, “but you look nice, won’t even have to change when we go out after the win.”

“Oooh you’re ready to put on a show for me?”

“You could use some make up though,” Jack adds.

Lux just flips him off.

A sleepy looking Luke comes to the door, “Don’t let Lukey drive, he looks like an accident ready to happen.”

“Try to have fun tonight,” Jack hugs Lux.

Normally she’d say something snarky, like ‘try to win then.’ But after their heart to heart, that feels like a twist of the knife.

“I’ll try to be the best good luck charm.”

Lux gets to her seat five minutes into the first period in an attempt to avoid any awkward introductions. Not that she’s against meeting new people, but without social butterfly Jack by her side, she relapses into her shyer ways.

Still, the group tries to include her, shocked she hasn’t seen Jack play in Jersey and forcing her to take a picture where the mascot is holding her bridal style.

She has a couple drinks, cheers when Jack gets an assist, and pretends she doesn’t cheer louder when Nico gets an assist on the game winning goal.

She won’t admit it but it is the most fun she’s had at a hockey game, maybe ever.

The women lead her down to the family room while they discuss where they want to go out. Lux is buzzing with adrenaline she was not expecting, ready to follow everyone for a night out with no complaint.

Luke and Jack come out of the locker room simultaneously. Lux is about to jump on Jack when she remembers what he said about his shoulder, so she jumps on Luke’s back instead.

“Lukey, you were so good out there,” she squeezes him tight and ruffles Jack’s hair while she has the height advantage.

“I was -1,” he starts to let her go so she slides off his back.

“I don’t know what that means, so it can’t be that important.”

She gives Luke another hug then turns her attention to Jack, who wraps an arm around her shoulder.

“Guess you were a good luck charm.”

“And yet, you couldn’t score a goal for me.”

“Gotta keep you wanting more.”

She sticks her tongue out at him.

“I heard there were talks of going out? I have an interview tomorrow so the sooner that starts the better.”

They end up at a trendy bar on the other side of the river with about half the team and their significant others. She lets Jack talk her into taking a shot about two steps into the establishment.

She laughs, she dances, she drinks a bit too much. Her head starts to spin and she makes her way to the patio, the chilled air feels good and clears her vision.

A cold glass of water brushes against her arm.

“You probably should hydrate.”

“Thanks,” she smiles up at Nico.

“Did you have fun tonight? At the game?”

“Yeah, but don’t tell Jack it’ll go to his head.”

“Might be a con if you end up picking Cornell, he’ll make you come watch all the time.”

“I think med school is a good excuse to miss out.”

Nico shrugs, “I’d miss my good luck charm.”

The early spring air is chilly, but a gust of warm air comes over Lux. ‘This is flirting. Nico is flirting with me,’ rings in her head while she struggles to be charming, or smooth in response.

Of course, that’s when the clock strikes midnight and she turns back into a pumpkin, or really Jack interrupts the moment.

“Luxxy, time to leave! I won’t be the reason you’re late or hungover for your interview.” He yells from the doorway of the bar, for maximum embarrassment.

Lux close her eyes and lets out a sigh. Then lets a final burst of liquid confidence bubble up to the surface.

“I might not see you before I leave, so let me give you my phone number,” she holds out her hand for his phone, which he unlocks and hands over.

“Partially, because seeing this happen will make Jack lose his mind. And it would be nice to have another friend if I move out here.”

Nico is kind of dumbstruck as he nods along, “Friends are nice.”

“Especially cute friends,” she holds back a grin and gives him a kiss on the corner of his mouth.

He turns an adorable shade of pink.

“What was that?” Jack says as she walks by taking him in tow.

“What? Isn’t that what you wanted?”

:::

The last interview goes fine. Not great, but at least she isn’t hungover for it.

Her flight out is at an ungodly time the next morning, so she insists on an early bedtime from her chauffeurs.

Which is how she ends up sitting alongside the river, brown bagging beers with the Hughes brothers, watching the sun set.

“So, am I going to meet the new girlfriend at the lake this summer?”

“You’re actually coming to the lake house this summer?”

“If I can embarrass you in front of your new girlfriend? Absolutely.”

“I’m giving your room to Trevor,” beer sloshes out of his can when he elbows her.

“C’mon, this might actually be my last summer at the lake. I’m becoming a doctor; I think I’ll be busy. Or maybe I’ll meet someone.”

“Someone who will whisk you off to Switzerland?” Jack wiggles his eyebrows and Luke make smooching sounds.

“Anything is possible,” she raises her beer and drinks to that.