#it's hard being a teenager lab experiment

[sugusoko]

*ever crisis era au where the pair from banora (reincarnated from another timeline?) defects early and kidnaps brings along a very young sephiroth with them

[clockwayswrites]

Danny In Metropolis, ch3 p4

(Wow this still needs a real title.) Masterpost This isn't read over, I'm just... so very fatigued, but hopefully you enjoy.

Lois turned and pushed Clark to head towards the kitchen with the pie. “So Danny, what part of the Midwest are you from?”

Danny rubbed at the back of his neck as he followed. “That obvious?”

“Well, I did marry a Midwesterner,” Lois said. “I may know what to look for.”

“Oh, yeah. I never really thought of us being that unique but moving here has sure been an experience. And Illinois, Miss Lois.”

“Chicago or…?”

“Oh, no. A place called Amity Park. It’s not known for much other than being the most haunted city in America.”

“Most haunted city in America?” Clark repeated. He set down the pie and turned back to Danny and Kon.

Not for the first time, Kon was struck by how big Clark looked in the tiny kitchen. It always bothered Kon for a reason he could never place.

“Yep, that’s what they claim at least. It’s actually a bit of a tourist draw these days, especially around summer and Halloween. They have a summer scare fest and everything these days.”

“Did growing up there make you a skeptic or do you believe in ghosts all the more?” Lois asked.

“Well, I don't think it's so much about Amity. We live in a world with heroes, with aliens and gods and lab experiments. I guess I don't see a reason the be a skeptic with all of that,” Danny said. Then he ducked his head as if his nerves hit him all at once. “Just, um, how I see it. Plus Amity is pretty convincing.”

“You’ve got a point, kid,” Lois agreed.

Clark sighed. “No, honey.”

“What?”

“I know that look, you’re thinking of a story,” Clark said, “or how to steal a slice of the pie before dinner. Either way, no.”

Lois crossed her arms with a petulant little pout.

Clark had a little smile as he pressed a kiss to Lois’ temple. “Danny is a guest and brought the pie as a gift.

“Let’s grab some sodas and escape while we can,” Kon said.

“I’ll remember this when you’re in love and ridiculous,” Lois said, “just you wait.”

Kon paused in handing Danny a drink. “Okay, coming from you that is slightly terrifying.”

Lois smiled. “I know. Take some snacks if you want, but don’t spoil your dinner.”

Kon rolled his eyes. “There’s pie, of course I’m not going to spoil my dinner.”

“Says the teenage boy,” Clark said with a chuckle. He did pass Kon a bag of chips though. “Are you going to work in the living room or yours?”

“Mine. My notes are in there,” Kon said. He snagged the wasabi peas and jellybean also.

“I’ll call you two down a bit before dinner and I’ll look over what you have.”

“Thank you, Miss Lois,” Danny said as he tried to juggle the things that Kon was handing him.

“You’re welcome, Danny,” Lois said with that smile that Kon didn’t trust.

Kon snagged Danny’s hand and pulled him out of the kitchen.

“Have fun!” Clark called after them. “Leave your—ow! What?”

“Let them…” whatever else Lois said Kon worked very hard not to hear as he led them up two sets of stairs and into his room.

[meolia]

. *. ⋆ twisted wonderland: how dateable are they? (savanaclaw ver.)

a/n: i try to imagine myself in a relationship with them to make the result more accurate but im left traumatized 😐😑😐. i think we'd all be collectively saner if they all got a lobotomy & wore a straitjacket // i actually think this part feels a little inaccurate???

cw: profanity, teenage boys + 1 grown man, content from vignettes, main story & events on the eng server, involves SOME headcanons.

1 (extremely undateable), 10 (extremely undateable); not really biased in this one 😛

HEARTSLABYUL | other parts tba.

SAVANACLAW

Leona Kingscholar

PROS: rich, hot and is royalty. is also extremely strong, knows martial arts and can wield magic effortlessly. smart, as seen by the random burst of philosophy he has occasionally midway through the storyLMFAOO... says some real shit to other people sometimes and is honest about it, especially when it helps the other person. observant, can easily tell if something about you changed or how you currently feel. due to being a beastman, he can easily sense danger so you're in great hands if there's ever danger lurking around yay!!!!#!# indirectly caring (as seen with his relationship w/ruggie and the savanaclaw guys in general). chill....??? it's beneficial in some ways. sometimes. anyways he's basically a fairytale prince

CONS: what's NOT fairytale-princey about him is that he's lazy and has NOT graduated from nrc yet and has been a third year for like. what three years now??? he could easily graduate because he has all the necessary knowledge & abilities. like okay i get youre rebelling against your family but come on. you can't complain about "these kids getting on my nerves" and "these kids know nothing" when you refuse to graduate and willingly put yourself in a space you cannot tolerate. stop beefing with teenagers you twenty-year-old-that-needs-to-graduate. competitive with stronger people... okay, sure, great you have enough confidence you'd come out of a brawl with malleus unscathed but sometimes it's truly embarrassing how everything will go down afterwards. (book 2 lol.) he's terribly unorganized, like in ruggie's labwear vignette he was literally picking dirty clothes off of leona's bedroom floor and he was all like, "whatever" 🥀🥀🥀 nonchalant to the point of annoying. corny as hell too... "ill wolf you down!!" empty ass threat.

MY FINAL VERDICT: 3/10. if he actually tries he'd be decent enough to be called a boyfriend but i don't think he'd try all that hard for a relationship currently. i don't even think he wants one 💔 even something casual will wear him out

Ruggie Bucchi

PROS: he can speak with animals REALLY well. idk that's very important to me... and he's resourceful, can make use of everything at hand without wasting it due to his years of experiences </3 can cook, can clean, can do almost everything if money is involved. will probably do almost everything for you if he's REALLY into you. run errands? sure. clean your room? why not. hungry? already cooking. will nag you for your own good even if it'd remind you of a parent. EXTREMELY adaptable and is a hard worker, as seen with some odd jobs getting thrown at him he always manages to get through it successfully. he's good at haggling, having succeeded in doing so with sam multiple times (ruggie lab wear vignette 👅). good with kids? i think? im actually not too informed about ruggie but i remember it being mentioned somewhere in-game...??? if true, yes.

CONS: can get a little money hungry at times which, i REALLY can't blame him but he'd probably give you up for 1000 thaumarks and a full course meal. even if he doesn't he'd seriously consider it. sneaky ass bitch too his unique magic is so diabolical id most likely distance myself away from him if i ever have anything valuable on hand. it's not like he's actually gonna steal something right off someone's hands since leona's at least giving him enough things to keep him afloat but iiiiiii. wouldn't put it past him. if he had a kin list mr. krabs would be high on it. okay i ran out of bad things to say about him

MY FINAL VERDICT: 9/10. i think if you guys have a good enough friendship beforehand he'd make an actually great boyfriend.

Jack Howl

PROS: has a strong sense of justice. even if the people are supposed to be on his team, he'd betray them if they did some immoral thing for their own achievements. cares about others' safety a lot, even if he comes up with some bullshit excuse to hide his worry LMAOOO. he could be really cute at times, like for example, counting every spike on his cactus (anthology manga). really smart and observant, can catch up on things quite quickly whereas others may take a few seconds. like leona, would notice new things about you quite quickly and can sniff out/hear danger approaching. very healthy and physically capable, useful as a carrier :3. and when it's cold his tail has a purpose of being a heat source... of course, if he lets you 😐

MY FINAL VERDICT: 9/10. deducted one point because i feel he'd be a bit awkward in a relationship, like he takes an astronomically long time to warm up to his partner because he can't seem to show his affections like a normal person............ would make a very sweet boyfriend otherwise.

CONS: listen. i understand how people find "tsunderes" cute (soz for the quotation marks i really hate using that term 💔💔💔), and i do find it adorable as well but when one over does it... jack i love you but i need you to say a "i care for you" once. just once will do. please. please. im begging. im begging. im begging. im begging. im b

SAVANACLAW MOST DATEABLE TO LEAST DATEABLE

JACK > RUGGIE > LEONA

(although i think jack and ruggie are debatable LMAOAO)

[starlightshadowsworld]

Here’s some random Port Mafia headcanons I have.

Both public and private transport was safe and ran smoothly in Yokohama up until Albatross’s death.

Kouyou had an alt phase as a teenager and had burned all evidence of it. A quick way to get sent to an early grave is to bring it up.

Higuchi will pull rank on Gin and Tachihara if she needs too. But she refuses to pull rank on Hirotsu.

Akutagawa hates coffee and every time he’s forced to drink it for a long mission he adds a truly unethical amount of cream and sugar to it.

And he’ll still grumble that it’s too bitter.

Anytime anyone complains about work being hard Kouyou and Hirotsu regale them with tales of working for the old boss. Oh is the paperwork a lot? At least you won’t see someone shot 50 times for writing in blue pen.

Akutagawa and Gin had a bet going on to see how long it would take the others to release she was a girl and his sister.

Chuuya expected Hirotsu to hold a grudge when they met again. But Hirotsu simply said Chuyya’s hat suited him. And left saying to call him if he ever wanted to get a drink.

Chuuya grinned and said he’d take him up on that. Well if Hirotsu was paying which made the other chuckle.

Pianoman can actually play piano.

Mori regularly sends assassins after Fukuzawa to make sure he isn’t getting too rusty.

Tachihara dyed his hair brown for an undercover mission and refused to look in the mirror afterwards.

Verlaine is the boogeyman of the Port Mafia. He has definitely used it to fuck with people for his own amusement though he denies it every time.

Mori has shown up late to meetings because he’s gone for a walk in the city and dropped everything when a medical emergency has happened.

He hears “is there a doctor here?!” And instantly runs over to help.

Kajii has become so invested in an experiment he started writing his theories on the walls of his lab because he ran out of paper.

No one has managed to guess Hirotsu’s age.

Chuuya’s the only person Kouyou acts her age around.

Tachihara and Higuchi go to shooting ranges together when they’re stressed.

When Alabatross first got his moniker he would make bird sounds anytime his name was mentioned.

Mori’s scarf isn’t the original Port Mafia Boss scarf. It’s the 3rd iteration and if you squint closely you can see the remains of a cut off price tag.

Lippman can do scarcely accurately impressions of the rest of the flags and several other Port Mafia members. He has used this power to prank call the other flags.

[ynscrazylife]

You know what I really miss? Avengers x teen!reader headcanons, there use to be so much avengers content and practically dominated tumblr🥲

It would totally make my WEEK if you would make some classic mcu avengers(before infinity war) x teen!reader x Peter Parker(romantic) headcanons just about reader having powers and what it’s like living with the avengers 💕

-possible your new 👾anon?

let’s do this 💪 and YES you’ll be my first emoji anon!! @ anyone else, feel free to claim ur emoji!!

avengers x teen!reader headcanons

The Avengers are definitely reluctant to add another teenager to the team. Having Peter is great but has been a big adjustment, as they had to train him and protect him, less they face the wrath of Aunt May.

However, you were a compelling case, with your extensive abilities. You didn’t have many other options as to where to go and you hit it off with Peter right off the bat, working very well together as a pair. So, they took you in.

Tony worked with you on designs for your suit, Natasha and Steve trained you in combat (which meant you were going on morning runs with Steve and Sam. How fun . . . Though Sam could be convinced to give you piggy back rides, and you became Clint’s personal arrow-picker-upper. If you had powers, Wanda would definitely help you manage them.

Peter was naturally in tune to science, which meant you hung around the lab with him and Bruce a lot. It became a nice time to get your homework done, as Bruce would definitely help you with that. Sometimes you acted as Bruce’s and Peter’s assistant with their experiments.

Bruce was also a very good listener and your go-to person to vent to about your life’s problems (when Peter wasn’t around).

One of the conditions to be on the team was that you didn’t lapse in schoolwork, so they were very on top of that and your grades. Tony even offered to go to parent-teacher meetings. Any one of them were ready to go to your teachers or principal if anything happened.

Natasha would routinely check in with you to make sure that you weren’t being bullied.

Pepper also became a motherly figure, as she cared very much about you and Peter. She’d offer you a Stark Industries internship.

Movie nights were chaotic, but absolutely the best. It was hard for anyone to agree, so the team had a system where they’d rotate who got to pick the meeting. Sam and Peter were also not allowed to make popcorn after many unfortunate incidents. Most of the time you fell asleep late into the night and one of the Avengers carried you to bed (they’d never admit this, but that also became an argument).

It was during a movie night when Peter realized he liked you romantically. You fell asleep during a movie, your head on his shoulder. Peter swore he never experienced something so precious before. He was adamant to keep your peace, glaring at anyone who dared to talk.

The team found your growing romance to be adorable and often teased the two of you about it. The only people who didn’t tease you were Bruce, Pepper, and Thor (because he didn’t really understand how to effectively tease).

If Flash messed with you, Peter was always on top of it. He’d always protect you.

Steve was also always making sure that you knew right from wrong. He’d give long speeches about how it wasn’t right to smoke, drink, do drugs, etc.

Then Thor gave you Asgardian alcohol once, not realizing how bad that was considering you’re both human and underage. That was a mess. Peter having to hold your hair back when you vomited and multiple Avengers escorting you to bed. Thor got an earful about it.

Clint was one of the ones who better understood you, seeing as he had experience with his own kids. He was always good at mediating and defusing the tension.

Laura also adored you, you were her favorite babysitter for the kids. Whenever they went on date night, they’d drop the kids off at the tower, and you would watch them (Peter would help when he wasn’t on patrol).

Patrolling with Peter was also very fun. More often than not he’d convince you to take a break, then swing you up on top of a roof to watch over the city and the sky.

On multiple occasions, KAREN would rat the two of you out to Tony, but he was never mad. He just wanted to know all about the “date”.

Prom was also very fun. Honestly, the whole team would want to come pick out outfits with you and Peter. They took many, many pictures on the night of. Peter also teared up when he saw you. He thought you were stunning.

Of course, you guys had a curfew, but it was alright. You and Peter had a fantastic night. All he wanted to do was dance and hold you.

You had Happy wrapped around your finger. You could really convince him to drive you anywhere you wanted to go.

You also managed to get an internship at the Sanctum Santorum, learning more about magic under Doctor Strange and Wong’s guidance. The Avengers weren’t particularly thrilled, as they were worried about you being hurt, but understood your want to explore.

You really wanted to see all the areas of being a hero. Clint taught you archery and Natasha taught you how to be a spy. You’d listen to Natasha and Clint’s spy stories for hours. Peter would have to pry you away.

Peter always insisted on having date nights and would go all out, making every date special. He’d do anything to make you happy.

And so would all the Avengers. They loved seeing you smile, it brightened up their whole world and made the team stronger.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hi! I'm not sure if you've expanded on this but could you explain Malleus' mental age? I fully believe that he's still quite young because of a few of Lilia's lines, but i hear other things from other people as well.

Mmm... I don't think the answer to this is very clear-cut? I think, if asked this question off the bat, I would that that I also lean more toward the "Malleus is mentally young" because he acts in very immature and oblivious ways that are characteristic of a middle or high school student. For example, he is very egocentric (+ fails to consider other points of view) and doesn't think ahead about the consequences of his actions. He just does whatever is natural and most convenient for himself, and his Dorm Uniform vignettes are a perfect encapsulation of this behavior that we see repeated many times over in the main story (books 5, 6, 7), events (Glorious Masquerade, Endless Halloween Night, Vargas Camp, etc.), and other vignettes (his birthday ones, Lab Wear, etc.). We additionally see that he has attachment issues and has trouble when faced with change, something that usually arises in one's teen years. There's also the fact that Lilia tells us that dragon fae are still considered children at age 200 and adolescents at 500, and Malleus is 178 years old (which is way below those values). This implies that the mental capacity of fae works on different scales based on their life expectancy, which varies from species to species.

Based on in-game dialogue, it also seems to be that fae physically develop slower than humans. For example, human toddlers start to walk at around 10-18 months, but Malleus states that it regularly takes a fae 30 years to achieve the same milestone and that he was an “early bloomer” that started to walk at 20 years old. Normally, mental development lines up with physical development, so this would imply that even at 178 years old, Malleus may still be regarded as a child in terms of his thinking, attitudes, and behaviors.

Buuut, as I've said earlier, the answer isn't really that simple and gets muddled by a ton of other factors which are hard to isolate from Malleus's maturity. For one, how do we know that he isn't mentally and emotionally stunted because of his isolated upbringing and training to become a king someday? How do we know it's not his privilege and limited life experiences that explain why Malleus seems to be behind his peers in some aspects? For another, he certainly doesn't speak like a normal high school student, nor does he act like one in some cases. Sometimes he demonstrates wisdom that can only come with the age or mentality of a far older person, like when he imparts wisdom onto his fellow students (book 3, Riddle's Suitor Suit vignettes, etc.). Lilia is also so old compared to Malleus that him "babying" the prince isn't saying much, considering that Lilia considers pretty much everyone else in the cast children or mere babies next to him. Malleus also refers to his peers as “like babies” to him, so he seems to consider himself more mature than them, not less. He also insists to Lilia that he is “not a child”, so it seems that Malleus views himself as an adult or, at the very least, a teenager.

It should also be noted that the development cycle of humans and fae are not exact. For example, while you could probably cleanly line up 12-15 months for humans and 30 years for fae just to learn the skill of walking, their dietary needs differ even when they are roughly the same age. A human infant can only take mushy foods after milk, but dragon fae babies can already eat seafood and meat on the bone, implying that dragon fae’s teeth come in much faster than that of a human baby. This is a point against the idea that humans and fae age similarly and have similar developmental benchmarks.

So... It seems to be that Malleus is immature (and thus falling in line with the developmental expectations of your average dragon fae), but that immaturity is tempered by him being raised in an environment that demands that he take on more responsibilities. At the same time, growing up with a focus on his future and being granted few opportunities to step outside of his usual environment also means that Malleus has a very limited worldview that keeps him from growing to some extent. I think, overall, I'd still consider him pretty young mentally, but not much younger than a typical high school student. If he actually had the mental capacity of a child, then surely he’d be in elementary school and not high school. Malleus can comprehend the specialized high school level material presented in many of his classes, so this definitely doesn't make him come off like a child to me.

[dcdreamblog]

So what exactly was the timeline of events for the so called reign of the supermen? The confusion on the side of the news reporters makes events hard to sort through, and the 2019 documentary didn't actually make things clearer. And then all the conspiracy theories around the event make it harder to actually find information (putting aside Coast City or the theories that the current Superman is one of the impostors, I've seen people claim one of the impostor supermen replaced Clark Kent the Daily Planet reporter for some reason.)

Ok, that last one is just omnipresent especially if you're FROM Metropolis and know Clark Kent as a public figure of some note. He's like, THE guy for some reason getting wrapped up in conspiracy theories of this kind. If you see someone ranting about him being Superman they are either A. a conspiracy buff or B. REALLY butthurt because they shipped people in real life and the Reporter Barbie didn't kiss the He-Man doll.

The "Reign of the Supermen" is a loose term describing a period of about 5 months in Metropolis following Superman's battle and seeming death against the monster known as Doomsday. Superman's death was an intensely traumatic experience for the superhero community, the world at large and especially Metropolis in specific.

(The famous image of Superman's body laying in the center of Daily Planet plaza, his longtime friend Lois Lane wailing a lament over the fallen hero)

Superman's funeral was one of the most attended public events in Metropolis history and THE most viewed event in the history of the Galaxy Broadcasting Company where it aired live. However, within days of the hero being laid to rest, not one, but four new heroes came out and either attempted to fill Superman's shoes or claimed to be Superman himself reborn.

(The famous collage topping the Daily Planet spread where "Reign of the Supermen" was first coined. Left to right: The Man of Steel, The Man of Tomorrow, The Metropolis Kid and The Last Son of Krypton)

The Man of Steel: Appearing in Metropolis in connection to an uptick in gang activity using the highly advanced "Toastmaster" energy weapons, The Man of Steel never actually made a claim that he was Superman reborn. Simply claiming to be following the original's example although conspiracies abounded as they did about EVERYTHING during the period. Of course we known now that this hero, who currently goes by just "Steel" is in reality genius mechanical engineer John Henry Irons who was indeed inspired by Superman after Superman saved his life during a construction accident. Irons continues on as Steel to this day, where he is one of Superman's closest allies and a premiere defender of Washington DC.

The Man of Tomorrow: Appeared to rescue the then president from an assassination attempt, becoming the most publically prominent of the "Supermen" and one of the two claiming to be the true Superman reborn, having reconstructed his body using Kryptonian technology. Because of his action saving the president's life he was endorsed by the White House as the "true" Superman which gave him a lot of public leeway to do...something terrible...

In reality of course this "Cyborg Superman" was Hank Henshaw, a formerly deceased scientist who blamed Superman for the death of his fellow astronauts after an experimental space craft left the entire crew mutated and ultimately dead. His personality having taken control of some of the technology in Superman's Fortress of Solitude and seeking to use Superman's good name to ruin the hero posthumously. At this moment in time his inert body is in possession of STAR Labs where he is being studied as part of a sentence passed down by the Green Lantern Corps for what we are told are innumerable crimes against galactic life.

The Metropolis Kid: Seemingly a teenager who appeared out of nowhere, stopping the newly appeared villain Sidearm from robbing a public ATM. He never claimed to be related to the original Superman and was open with his origins to the public. He had been created by Cadmus Labratories for some unknown purpose, had broken out of their facilities and was now seeking to use his powers for good (and fame, and pretty girls). His heart was in the right place but he was 6 parts willpower to 1 part brains and 0 parts self control, earning rebukes from Steel AND Guardian after his poor forethought cost a helicopter pilot his life.

Since then however he has been a well known and publically beloved teen superhero, serving with distinction on Young Justice, the Teen Titans and more. He is still publically active and beloved as a hero. He and Steel probably require the least explanation. If you found this blog you know who they are.

The Last Son of Krypton: Was the most physically similar to Superman at first glance, however was instantly distrusted by the public due to his brutal and violent methods despite claiming to be the real Superman healed by Kryptonian science. His claim, however, was publically rejected when Lois Lane and the rest of the staff at the Daily Planet (those who would obviously know Superman best) publically denounced him. He was first on the scene during the Coast City tragedy and was blamed for the attack in its direct aftermath.

In reality the "Last Son" was The Eradicator, a piece of Kryptonian technology that had come under Superman's care and viewed itself as a "defender" of Kryptonian culture and heritage. He remained active on and off as a superhero for several years as well as a villainous presence when his programming was hijacked to various malicious ends. To my current knowledge the program is "dead" but god knows for how long. Coast City: (Please be advised the Coast City tragedy is still an open wound for many people. If you do not wish to go any further this is your chance to bow out. Respect and deference to the people of Coast City and their families will be expected and enforced on this blog)

On August 28th an alien craft appeared above Coast City, California. Both The Last Son of Krypton and The Man of Tomorrow respond to the ship as it releases a series of alien devices into the city's airspace. Approximately 80 minutes after they first entered the craft, the devices detonate in an explosion the likes of which dwarf even the most devastating of atomic discharges. 7 Million men, women and children lost their lives in an instant. It is, to this day the single deadliest event in human history. God willing nothing else will ever come close.

The world is stunned. It takes 7 hours for the true severity of the attack to be understood as all communications infrastructure from one of California's largest cities vanishes in an instant. The Man of Tomorrow limps back to civilization and blames the Last Son of Krypton for the disaster. Green Lantern, Steel, Superboy and Supergirl converge on the site. In the following days the entire population of San Georgio county is listed as a casualty of the strike, not a single survivor is discovered within the county's borders.

It is eventually revealed that the "Man of Tomorrow" is responsible, having allied himself with the alien tyrant Mongul attempting to transform the Earth into a "Warworld", a feared class of galactic weapon. It is through these events that the true Superman returns, regaining his powers. Through the combined efforts of Superman, Supergirl, Green Lantern, Superboy, Steel and the Eradicator a similar attack on Metropolis' 11 million people is barely averted.

I was...not alive when Coast City was destroyed. I only grew up in its aftermath. Where the idea of alien tyrants and conquerors, something we had known about for years suddenly came home for us as a society, as a species. 7 million souls wiped from existence, atomized, by one weapon. By one alien with the right trigger to pull. A vibrant west coast metropolis reduced to a blasted crater. 7 million holes left in families around the world.

There were no drills, no duck and cover PSAs, everyone knew that if something of its like showed up again there would be no time and no place to hide. Mongul was officially remanded to Earth's custody by the Green Lantern Corps, citing a "do as thou wilt" clause allowing planets to punish those guilty of genocide outside of galactic trial and treaty. Calls for his execution are stymied for 2 years. He eventually dies in custody due to an opaque supervillain conflict.

Eventually, under the Horne administration, Coast City is officially refounded. It is to this day known as "The City Without Fear" and every year on the anniversary green lanterns are hung in the windows of the city's homes and businesses. Its population is now 2 million strong.

I know that all sounds like derailing from "The Reign of the Supermen" but drill right down to it and that's the legacy. We attached so much trust to Superman, his iconography, his name. We were so grief stricken by his loss that we pinned all our hope on the first man to wear his face and lie to us: and 7 million people paid the price.

Superman has said that his take away from the event is thus: "I learned how dangerous it is...wha...what could happen if I let this world believe it couldn't live without me. Now I have better plans for when I'm gone. I made things clear this time, to the people who need to know."

[personne-writes]

A ROTTMNT contribution to the Turtles Together zine

Alternate realities

----- I'm very proud to present to you my poem for the @turtlestogetherzine! The physical copies have already all been sold in leftover sales, but you can still buy the digital bundle here if you'd like. I'd recommand reading it on AO3, but if you'd rather stay here, be my guest! -----

Four brothers hang out under the clouded moon, Basking in New York City’s noises and light. They talk and they laugh on a roof out of sight; It’s too late for duty – and for sleep, too soon. They may be teenagers but at their center Lay powers and forces that never tire,  Sparks of energy, everlasting fire –  Often at the service of quips and banter.  The Blue one gushes about a job well done, The smile of the Red one is nothing but proud, The Orange one wonders silly things out loud Of which Purple knows much, yet kindly says none. “If everything changed,” Orange suddenly asks,  “In another life, or place, or world, or time Would we keep our colors? Would we still wear masks? Would we still be ninja turtles fighting crime?” Red and Blue whistle and start theorizing Orange happily helps their ideas fuse But Purple falls silent. His pulse is rising.  Science is calling. Who is he to refuse?

Between dearest walls, he retreats with his tools In one hand a pen, in the other a cup Both needed for work – he doesn't make the rules. Hours become days, still the math won't add up. As he struggles hard to make equations fit Something starts nudging at the back of his mind.  He is close – to what? He cannot quite name it Then, in a split second, dimensions unbind. 

It feels like his thoughts Are now being shared.   He tries to reach out. Perhaps, if he dared –   

Contact. Confusion. New realities. Alternate versions. Other families.

He sees things that he doesn't remember Unknown memories blending together.

Echoes of voices, Tales ancient and new All of them are his; All of them are true.

His instincts kick in The gears start to spin Narrowing on – There! The thing they all share –

Struggle. Everywhere. Missions, miseries Mortal ennemies Pressure and anger Menace and danger

Every version of him Every version of them They all stand. They all bite. They all dread and they all fight.

And Purple flinches. Can this be their essence? Responsability over insouciance Honor and duty against opposition Sacrifice for all without recognition?

No. That can't be it. This isn't who they are, Their fate can't be written with tears shed so far. In his heart, he knows there must be something more; With a switch, e feels it, pulising at the core.

The bad and the good things flow from the same source And he shifts and pushes to swim up its course. It all comes from a place of fondness and care The urge to take risks, to protect and repair The sense of justice and the dedication All boundless affection in demonstration.

The feeling is strong. As he follows its trace, The fragments of truth at once click into place. There, clear as day, is the universal law: Accross dimensions, the Turtles don't withdraw.

Lightheaded, Purple comes back to his senses. His lab feels too small; he needs wider spaces. He goes to the kitchen – the pizza smells nice Watches his brothers fight over the last slice Leans in the doorway and finds himself staring. His soul is catching up; his heart is flaring.

The familiar shouts of loss and victory Help him se the fabric of reality. No matter the world, no matter the plots twists In every timeline, his family exists.

The rift between their universes is crossed; Everywhere, there are green heroes in the night There are masks and colors even when all's lost There are sparks and fire ever shining bright

Faith stronger than doubt, Trust louder than fear Hope warmer than drought Love closer than near.

------

Thanks for reading! This was my first experience being in a fanzine and I must say it was quite the first time. I'm still astonished at the sheer quality of each and every contribution, but also at the professionalism and efficiency of the mods, not to mention everyone's enthusiasm through the whole project! All my thanks again to the Turtles Together zine team for letting me in and my regards to all my fellow contributors out there, keep being awesome guys <3

[homestuckreplay]

Webcomics at Day 100 #8: El Goonish Shive

Pages read: 1/21/2002 – 12/27/2002 & 4/14/2009 – 12/29/2009; about 300 pages (including author’s commentary)

Reason for selection: To be honest I just wanted to read it. It’s best known for its real-time exploration of transgender themes via science fiction technology as author Dan Shive (along with many others on the internet) explores his personal experience with gender.

Current status: Ongoing since 2002 with no major hiatuses; update schedule has varied but is currently three times a week for the main comic.

Content warnings: nonconsensual gender transformations, non-explicit sexual themes with 16-17 year old characters, cultural appropriation (Japanese language; dreamcatchers), period typical sexism and homophobia (early strips only)

Note: To the best of my understanding, Dan Shive uses he/him pronouns, but if anyone has a recent source stating otherwise please let me know and I’ll revise this post.

Overall thoughts:

‘And then Susan was all like "I am NOT your strawman", hit me with a hammer, and developed into one of my most favoritist characters ever in anything.’ (Commentary for 5/29/2002)

On August 1, 2014, as part of a Patreon goal, Dan Shive began going through the archives of his already long running webcomic, adding author’s commentary to early strips. In the twelve years between making and commenting on his 2002 comics, Shive has gone from being a teenager with no formal artistic experience who’s absorbed the sexist attitudes of his culture, to an experienced artist and writer with a vision for his project and an honesty about his process who’s ready to be both excited and critical about his early work.

Shive states several times that his commentary isn’t designed to be read on a first read of EGS, but I personally disagree. Around May 2002 in the archives, I realized I was reading for the extremely compelling commentary and not the then-fairly mediocre comic. Shive’s clear excitement for future storylines and regular references to his improvement as an artist and person gave me the drive to keep reading, knowing the upward journey ahead of me. The commentary also provides an alternate, twisting path through the narrative, frequently linking back to previous comics when they’re relevant to help the reader notice foreshadowing and continuity, which is really helpful for a new reader taking in lots of information at once – and I like seeing an author clearly proud of himself for his hard work foreshadowing, where some creators might be dismissive of the feat or ignore it altogether.

EGS – named for the ‘goons’ hired by supervillains - begins by focusing on regular(ish) high schoolers Tedd, Elliot and Sarah, and top-secret lab experiment squirrelgirl Grace. Tedd has a mad science laboratory in his home where he creates questionable technology, including a laser gun that can change the target’s species and biological sex. The characters form relationships and experiment with this technology. When Elliot gets ‘stuck’ in a female form, an adventure to restore his original form ends in his male and female forms becoming two separate entities, after which point Ellen, the female version, explores her existence as essentially the human form of Elliot’s removed curse, and achieves self-actualization while fighting a giant pile of goo.

Ellen’s identity exploration in October 2002 was when I began to connect emotionally with the comic itself, and I started noticing improvement in the art in November. Shive improves massively in the first year, and even he’s surprised by it – a character casually mentions that he’s gay in June 2002, and Shive’s commentary says that he doesn’t remember this happening so early. 2002’s ‘Sister’ arc, which runs for around nine months, uses a board game metaphor to describe the story beats – it’s a little clunky in places, but I like what it’s going for. By 2009, Shive is far more confident with complex emotional arcs, and with balancing serious/comedic and magic/realist elements in his story, which can only come from those first efforts to improve.

‘You look in the mirror, but someone else looks back. You remember a life you never had, one that cannot be yours. You are the piece that does not fit, you don’t belong in this game. The board has been knocked over, you shall be swept away…’ (Strip title (!!) for 10/02/2002)

Shive is an anime fan and former martial artist, and the comic assumes a knowledge of anime – especially anime fight scenes – that I just don’t have. However, Shive is good at citing his influences, mentioning Ranma ½, Dragon Ball Z, Pokemon and The X-Files as inspiring specific choices, among others. With the exception of an excruciating ‘how dare you not get that reference’ in-comic moment in June 2009, knowledge of Shive’s influences isn’t necessary to enjoy EGS; he’s just giving credit where it’s due.

EGS begins with a typical newspaper format – a horizontal black and white four-panel strip, with a full color A4 strip on Sundays. Although Shive never experiments with animated or interactive elements, he plays around with the strip format and panel size in the early years. In July 2002, Shive uses three-panel strips describing the actual continuity, with a fourth horizontal panel below containing events that ‘don’t actually happen’. Shive also tries out using the comic’s title for extra information, as in May 2002’s ‘Jeremy is Juggling Dinner Plates Off-Screen in the Last Three Panels’. By 2009, the majority of comics fill an A4 page in shaded grayscale, a format that carries through to this day. In an August 2009 author’s commentary, Shive considers how a scene would look if animated, but doesn’t express any desire to actualize on this.

My favorite thing about EGS is how Shive discusses his characters. In his commentary, he addresses ‘past me’ with criticism like ‘you should at least have a decent reason if you're going to make Grace upset like that’, or says he ‘honestly didn't want to write commentary’ for a strip where Ellen was upset, showing a really strong emotional connection to the leads. He also addresses the characters directly in commentary, and discusses them as though they have agency beyond his own, for example, ‘I gave Tedd access to something he could totally abuse without anyone knowing, and he didn't’. He’s very interested in alternate universes of his own story, claiming to be an Elliot/Tedd shipper since 2002 despite their not being canon in the main comic, and creates the EGS: NewsPaper subcomic for non-canon storylines.

Among literary writers and critics, it’s very unfashionable to discuss characters this way, but a lot of mainstream and hobbyist writers (including me!) have had these experiences. I think it’s human instinct to connect with other people, and it’s a strength that we’re able to create the idea of a guy and see them as real, like when we see a face in the clouds or in raindrops running down a windscreen. It helps with having compassion for real people we’ve never met. And while it’s definitely not the only way to look at characters, an author being so excited and invested about their own OCs definitely helps me get excited about them too.

The first villain introduced in the comic is a sentient pile of goo, accidentally made by Tedd in science class. The goo, which can mold and change shape, becomes a recurring enemy – an ultimate shapechanger for a story that’s so deeply focused on transformations. It’s a story about malleability and getting the chance to physically shape yourself into the person you want to be, and at its start, it’s definitely a wish fulfilment comic. That applies to lots of things that a young person might think is cool – the existence of an ‘anime martial arts’ class, getting a squirrelgirl gf who walks around your house naked, breaking in to government facilities to steal jewels – but applies especially to the transformations.

Actually, no, the title of this comic [‘The Real Reason for the Male/Female Options on the TF Gun’] is such a liar. It is lying super hard. I don't care if that's a spoiler. I'm just gonna say it. Liar liar, metaphorical pants on all SORTS of fire. I'm not 100% sure, but I think this is yet another example of me basically saying "not that that sort of thing interests me and has been on my mind for nearly literally as long as I can remember" (and only "nearly" because I think my earliest memory involves looking out at a porch or something and I'm pretty sure I wasn't thinking about being stuck as one sex at the time and how that was not a preferred state of being). (Commentary for 5/28/2002)

Relevance to Homestuck: [spoilers for Act 6]

‘Alright, someone send a message to past me to send a message to his past me telling past-past me to get back to me in regard to…’ (Commentary for 8/28/2002)

Both Homestuck and EGS are known for causing fans’ queer and transgender awakenings, which leads to a particularly powerful personal connection between the fans and the comic. Both feature characters with uncommon experiences of gender and sexuality, and characters who begin life as regular humans but develop animal traits. Both also feature multiple versions of the same character spread across different timelines and universes, and both even use the terms ‘alpha’ and ‘beta’ to distinguish between these versions. They explore identity in similar ways, including a focus on whether one version of a character can ever be the ‘true’ version, and the different potential versions of ourselves we all have the power to become depending on what choices we make, thereby exploring free will as it relates to identity formation. In both cases, this broader theme is explicitly connected to how characters choose to express their genders.

Also in both, the theme of gender is obvious from early on – before the authors themselves were fully aware of it. The exploration of this theme does date both comics, as understandings of gender among online queer communities have radically progressed in the past decade, but both are attempting to reflect changing understandings – Shive uses sex and gender interchangeably in early EGS strips, but becomes attuned to the distinction as time passes – and both are radically ahead of the mainstream media of their time. I’d also argue they better represent trans peoples’ real experiences of gender, instead of the ways we might describe our genders to cis people – but others might disagree.

Both comics start off with a very fast update schedule, which rapidly slows down over the course of the story in response to the author’s changing schedule – in both cases this dramatically affects the pace of the story, and storylines which would finish in months instead take years. EGS’ ‘Sister’ arc includes 158 comics released over 9 months in 2002-2003, while ‘Sister II’ includes 133 pages over 21 months in 2008-2010. This means that in-universe time passes far slower than real time, Homestuck famously taking two and a half years to cover a single in-universe day, and EGS taking nine years to cover eleven in-universe weeks. In Homestuck, Hussie is already much older than the characters at the story’s start, but in EGS this has major implications for an author who began as a peer of the characters aging much faster than they do – this has been softened by an in-universe timeskip.

Both comics contain occasional author-driven retcons; while Homestuck’s famous examples concern the characters’ race, EGS’ concern better characterization, and Shive is more open about them. A June 2002 comic contains an altered line of dialog from Susan, as well as a link to the original version, and the explanation ‘If I had to somehow explain how both the new and original version could be canon, my explanation would be this: The original was what Tedd imagined Susan was saying!’ (commentary for 6/27/2002).

There’s also some clear differences. While Homestuck becomes a collaborative project over time with Hussie moving into more of a director role, EGS continues to be one person’s very weird, unedited vision, with little outside input. It also primarily contains actual foreshadowing, instead of the ‘retroactive foreshadowing’ described by Hussie in their end of Act 2 Q&A.

Q: Is Tedd REALLY a guy? A: Yes! Well 99-- um, make that 95% certain. 90%. Yup. 80% certain he's a guy. Totally. ...65% certain. (EGS FAQ, archived on 2/13/2002)

Continue reading? Definitely. It’s not without problems, but I think EGS is important to the trans community, and I think Shive is an attentive, dedicated and gifted storyteller with a deep love for his own work, which is rare to find in something so long-running.

[localmutantlesbian]

Tips for Living at the X-Mansion

Keep your valuables in a duffel bag. The likelihood of the mansion blowing up or becoming ground zero for a Juggernaut vs Colossus fight is not as high as people joke, but it's not zero either. I would suggest having anything of high sentimental value, your ids and/or passport, some cash, and like, a granola bar packed away.

Bedrooms are divided into singles, doubles, and four to a room. Priority for singles is given to university students (18+) and kids with more volatile mutations. If you want a more social experience, go with the four to a room; if you want something a little quieter, go for a double.

Yes, we do have Taco Tuesday and yes, it really is that good. Grab your spot in line early!

Classes get interrupted and end abruptly all the time. Never during a test though. So study, because unless the mansion is physically blowing up you will still have to take that test.

Tennis shoes, long sleeves, and pants are your friends in the Danger Room (unless of course you have a physical mutation that changes your skin in some way- or your own super suit). That floor is hard, and you will rub off skin when Wolverine flings you around like a hockey puck.

If you see a button or a lever oh my god do not mess with it just leave it be please

No one sleeps in this goddamn house. Between trauma, mutations that prevent sleep, and teenagers being teenagers, at least half the school is up at any point during the night. The small kitchen has great snacks (check the top cupboard). There’s usually someone doing a marathon of some kind in the common room.

There are about a dozen secret passageways, some more secret than others. At least two lead into the town nearby, you know if hypothetically you wanted to sneak out and get some snacks or catch a movie or something. Try not to do it when Professor X is awake/on campus though.

It gets cold in the winter. You would think the heating system would be better considering the high tech x-men super lab in the basement but nooooo. So make sure you have some sweaters and blankets handy. And if you're a pyrokinetic, please don't try to start a fire in your room sans fireplace...trust me you are not the first person to think of that and it never ends well.

We do have a prom, but it is prim villain takeover time so you're better off taking a trip down to NYC instead.

[suzukiblu]

Nothing is more heartbreaking then reading kons pov and he gets to the “maybe if I earn it, I can have basic decency? I’ll work hard and earn it, I may even deserve it if I work hard enough and am good enough”

An "I only get affection and basic human rights if it's transactional" mindset in a kid who only never had a childhood and only even got to have an out-of-lab life at all because of the hollow celebrity attention that wasn't about who he was as a person, just the fact that he was wearing a specific superhero emblem while looking like a teen heartthrob version of said emblem's original owner, who said kid is constantly being compared to and expected to live up to the example and exaggerated ideal of while not being allowed ANYWHERE near as much grace as said grown-ass adult would be whenever he makes a normal teenage mistake as someone with significantly less life experience and guidance THAN a normal teenager??

Oh, surely NOT.

[fafnir19]

I did'nt know if you still took requests but I grew up kind of nerdy. I had a dad that was like that, always into computers and books. As I am now almost 40, I would like to know what my life would have been like had my dad been a bodybuilder or just more athletic.

As you step into the sleek, futuristic VR lab, a tingling excitement fills you. The dimly lit room is filled with humming servers and flashing monitors. Dr. Smith, the head of R&D, greets you with a warm smile. "Welcome. Are you ready to test our latest creation?" You nod eagerly, fumbling with the VR-remote as Dr. Smith explains, "This prototype VR system can simulate alternate timelines based on your past decisions. It's a glimpse into what could have been if you made different choices." As you step into the sleek, futuristic VR chamber, the air hums with anticipation. The prototype VR system gleams with promise, surrounded by a tangle of wires and blinking lights. Your heart races with a mixture of excitement and apprehension.

"Are you ready to begin the simulation?" a voice crackles through the speakers. You nod, swallowing hard, your father's IT prowess echoing in your mind. "What would you change if you could?" the voice whispers in your ear. "Hmm, I wonder how this will turn out," you mumble to yourself, take a deep breath and declare, "I want to change my father from being an IT-nerd to a fitness coach." As the words leave your lips, the room shimmers and shifts before your eyes. The room you find yourself in is eerily familiar yet strangely different. The walls are plastered with posters of modern-day superheroes instead of the old-school bands you used to love. Your gaze falls upon the sleek gaming setup in the corner, a stark contrast to the clunky computer your younger self once had. Your reflection in the mirror reveals a scrawny teenager staring back at you, a stark contrast to your 40-year-old self. The VR system's effects seem so real, yet you're aware it's still the current year.

As you sat in your room, immersed in the virtual reality experience, the door creaked open, and in stepped your father. His appearance had transformed into that of a fitness coach, looking determined and energetic.

He began, "Son, I've found the perfect sport for you." "Sigh... Dad, can we talk about this? I've tried so many sports already, and they're just not my thing," you countered, a hint of frustration creeping into your voice. Your father, now fixated on his newfound passion for fitness, insisted, "But you haven't tried cycling yet! It's the perfect blend of exercise and fun. You'll love it, I promise." Frustration turned to exasperation as you realized he wasn't going to back down. "Dad, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I'm just not as sporty as you. Can't we find something else to do this summer?" His brow furrowed, and with a determined gleam in his eye, he declared, "No arguments this time, son. You're going to that cyclist's camp for the summer, and that's final." You let out a defeated groan, knowing it was futile to fight against his newfound fitness obsession. Reluctantly, you mumbled, "Fine, I'll go to the cyclist's camp. But I'm not promising I'll enjoy it." Your father nodded, satisfied with your acceptance, and left the room, leaving you to contemplate the summer ahead filled with cycling adventures.

Some weeks later you find yourself among picturesque mountains in the hated cycling camp. You pedaled hard on the race bike, feeling the strain in your muscles as you tried to keep up with the rest of the cyclists in the camp, but to no avail.

You were feeling the strain in your muscles and the sweat running down your back, as the coach approached you. "Hey, I've got something for you," he said, handing you a pair of sleek glasses.

You put them on, and suddenly the world around you shifts, numbers and data streaming across your vision. Your speed and heart rate, along with the optimal pace and cadence – all displayed in glowing letters.

The information overwhelming you at first. You let out a frustrated scream, "What is this? I can't see anything with all this data in my face!" The coach chuckled, "Just give it a chance. Focus on the line, that's all you need to see." Despite your initial resistance, you forced yourself to concentrate on the slim line that appeared amidst the sea of statistics. It was the perfect course, guiding you through the twists and turns of the cycling track. As you continue riding, the glasses gradually limit your view of the environment until all you can see is the slim line indicating the optimal course. Finally the environment fades away completely, leaving you with only the essential data.

You panic at first, feeling disoriented without being able to see your surroundings and so you couldn't help but protest, "I can't see anything else! How am I supposed to ride like this?" The coach's voice was stern, "Trust the glasses, trust the process. It will help you focus and improve your skills." Reluctantly, you continued to ride, adjusting to the restricted vision. It was frustrating at first, but gradually, you felt your mind quieting down, focusing solely on the slim line in front of you. It was strangely calming, allowing you to block out distractions and concentrate solely on the ride. As days turned into weeks, you found yourself improving dramatically. Your movements were smoother, your reactions quicker. The coach nodded in approval, watching as you navigated the course with precision. Despite the progress, you couldn't deny that you still didn't enjoy sports.

One day, as you pedaled through another successful training session, you felt an unfamiliar sensation stirring within you. Arousal. At first, it was a mere flicker, but soon it blazed through your veins, igniting a fire you never knew existed. Your body reacted without your consent, your member throbbing insistently within the confines of your tight cycling suit, creating a visible bulge that couldn't be ignored. Just as you were lost in this strange mix of pleasure and confusion, the VR system abruptly announced, "Ending VR-Test; leave VR experience or stay to turn VR into reality. VR conversion to reality starts soon." At that very moment, your glasses projected a command to accelerate your speed and cadence on the bike, a directive you found impossible to resist. You obeyed, feeling the rush of the wind against your face as your pleasure heightened with each passing moment. Faster and faster you rode, your body responding eagerly to the physical exertion. Your arousal peaked, your cock growing so hard it felt almost painful. And then, in a climax of both pleasure and exhaustion, you finally succumbed, falling from the bike in a euphoric daze. Your breath comes in ragged gasps, a sense of both satisfaction and confusion washing over you. "Conversion VR to reality completed in 3 ... 2 ... 1," the VR system announces, jolting you back to reality. Panic sets in as you desperately try to end the experience, but it's too late. The VR remote dissolved into thin air, leaving you trapped in your teenage-self in this new, perplexing reality.

As you lay there, grappling with your newfound circumstances, the coach approached with a knowing smile. His gaze fell upon the cum-stained cycling suit, a clear indicator of the glasses' influence on your desires. "The brainwashing glasses have obviously done their task," he remarks, his tone laced with amusement. "Your body's desire is now intertwined with cycling. You'll become a pro cyclist in no time." Still grappling with the bizarre turn of events, you reluctantly nodded in agreement. What choice did you have in this altered reality?

With a gentle yet firm tone, the coach suggested, "You might want to consider shaving your body hair. It could make you faster on the bike, you know." Feeling overwhelmed by the abrupt changes thrust upon you, you hesitantly agreed and made your way to the shower after the grueling training session.

As you attempted to shave yourself, the unfamiliarity of the task led to a few accidental cuts with the razor. Suddenly, a fellow cyclist appeared by your side, offering a helping hand. His touch was surprisingly gentle as he took over the task of shaving you, his skilled hands gliding smoothly over your skin. The sensation of the razor against your inner thighs and pubic area triggered an unexpected reaction. A rush of arousal surged through you, causing a noticeable reaction in your groin. Embarrassment flushed your cheeks as you struggled to contain your body's instinctual response. The other cyclist, noticing your discomfort, reassured you in a calm voice, "Getting a boner is a completely natural reaction, especially in a situation like this. And besides, you're rather cute." His words were oddly comforting, easing some of the tension that had coiled within you. Before you could fully process his kindness, he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to your lips. Surprised yet strangely intrigued by the unexpected gesture, you couldn't help but entertain the fleeting thought, "Maybe my new life isn't that bad after all." Meanwhile, the coach, who had been observing the scene unfold, couldn't help but smirk at the dynamics taking shape within the team. "The side effect of the glasses, turning the boys bi, certainly creates an interesting new dynamic, wouldn't you say?" he mused, his eyes glinting with amusement at the unfolding changes in the team's dynamics.

Enjoy the ride of your new life, cyclist!

[loving-barnes]

Bucky Barnes - My past, my mission

A/N: I was watching Marvel movies and this just popped into my head. It's not good, there are mistakes but I tried. Please, beware that there are heavy topics discussed in this one shot. Now, I can take another break for a decade.

Pairing: Avenger!Bucky Barnes x Avenger!enhanced!female reader

Warning: angst, dark themes (mention of abuse and sexual abuse, torture, children), death, fluff

Please, do not read if you are under 18. This story contains darker themes/topics.

Words: 10 000+

FULL MASTERLIST

The team was worried. They had been watching Y/N distance from them and they didn’t know why. Everything seemed fine. That changed almost two weeks ago. She started to hide in her room, attend the gym when no one was there and kept silent when they had a meeting. No one knew what happened. The only person she talked to was Nick Fury. More than once they saw her in a small conference room with him, where they were talking. 

“You need to tell them what is happening,” said Nick when they were once again sitting together, talking. “The team is here for you.” 

“No,” she said stubbornly. “I’m going to deal with it myself.” 

He sighed. “You need backup. It’s dangerous. You won’t be able to handle it on your own.” 

She rolled her eyes. “I don’t want them to know this part of my life,” she whispered. A tear was trying to escape her eye but she managed to control her emotions. 

“Listen, they already noticed that you are not being yourself,” he said. “Since you’ve found out the location of the Youth Center, you are acting differently. It took a toll on you. I know how hard your childhood and teenage years were. But I am telling you, if you want to end this, you need a backup for this mission.” 

“I can handle it on my own,” she raised her voice. “They made me who I am today. I know how they operate. I’m going to do it alone. I don’t want anyone to get hurt. And if I die, so be it.” 

“Come on,” he was getting irritated. “Take at least Barnes. You two have a similar history and work well together.”

“I said no,” she smashed her hand against the table. “You won’t change my mind. I’m doing it alone and I am leaving tonight.” She stood up with a loud noise. The chair creaked. “If I don’t make it back, tell them I just left. Tell them I was relocated. My only wish is you won’t tell them the truth.” 

Nick shook his head. “You are making a mistake.” 

“I told you the same when you took me in and made me part of the team.” She reached her hand to his. He hesitated but took it and they shook hands. “I am thankful.” 

“I am not saying goodbye to you, Y/L/N,” he said. “At least think about it.”

She left the conference room and headed back to her bedroom. It was time to pack and leave. This was her moment, the perfect opportunity to destroy the place that used children to experiment on them. It was a dark place. They were kidnapping them, abusing them and testing on them as if they were lab rats. Successful tests resulted in children with different abilities. Those that obliged were spared and kept as weapons. Others were killed. 

When she escaped, they moved places and she couldn’t find them since - until now. Oh, how she’s been waiting for this opportunity. 

The Centre got bigger, hidden in the woods in Northern Canada. There was nothing but wild nature. The weather would be cold and unpleasant. Fury was right when he told her to bring backup, but she didn’t want to risk the lives of people whom she considered family. What if it didn’t seem as bad as it was presented? The truth was, they didn’t have a lot of information. 

“Hey, Y/N,” she heard Natasha say her name. 

“Hi,” she replied, not looking at her, not stopping to chat. 

“Come on, talk to me. We are friends,” she ran to her, trying to walk her pace. “Everyone is worried about you.” 

Y/n rolled her eyes. “Everything’s fine,” she said. “I have a lot on my plate these days.”

“You are a bad liar, Y/N. We all can see that it’s not fine and something is bothering you. You’ve been keeping your distance, you barely talk to us. What happened?” 

“Nothing,” she was annoyed. “I’ll deal with it myself.” 

That answer made Natasha stop and let her leave alone. She was immediately thinking about what she said. What did she mean by “deal with it myself”? She could already put two and two together. 

She turned around and briskly walked to the other side of the building where the rest of the team was hanging out. It was a Saturday evening. That meant beer time and chat. When she arrived in the lounge room, all eyes were on her. “Did you find out anything?” Steve was the first to ask. 

She sat down on an armchair, frowning. “No and yes,” she said. “She didn’t want to talk at all. She barely looked at me.” 

“And what is the “yes” for?” Sam asked, confused. 

“She said, she will deal with it herself,” Natasha said. “Which indicates she was not talking about mental or emotional things. This means she was talking about something bigger.” 

Bucky was silently sitting next to Sam, watching his friend think out loud. He was holding a beer in his metal hand. No one knew how hard this time had been on him. No one knew how much his heart ached when Y/N stopped talking to him - to everyone. 

“Do you think she could be going on a solo mission?” Tony asked. 

“Maybe that’s it,” she nodded. 

“What the fuck? I thought Fury would discuss it with us,” said Stark angrily. “I’m not saying she can’t handle it alone, but we should know about the mission and discuss it.” 

“I have to agree,” Steve nodded. “She works well with us, but I’m not sure she was ready for a solo mission.” 

“This whole thing stinks,” Sam said. “Think about it - she’s been talking to Fury for the last few days. Her whole demeanour changed with a snap of fingers.” 

“FRIDAY, do we know anything on Y/N?” Tony asked his AI. “What’s her status?” 

“She��s currently in her room, not accepting visitors,” said FRIDAY. 

“What if she asked for transition?” Clint asked. 

“What?” Bucky’s eyes widened. That thought made his heart sink. Why would she want to do that? Was she not happy here? He thought they were friends. He thought that maybe… 

Tony made a face. “I don’t think so. We would already know if she was that unhappy.” 

“I think we saw a lot of that for the last few days,” said Sam. 

“Let’s give her a day and we will try to talk to her tomorrow,” Steve suggested. “We don’t know what is going on and we don’t want to jump to conclusions.” 

The team relaxed - except for Bucky and Natasha. They both were thinking about her. They were trying to figure out what was going on. 

“We should ask Fury,” said Bucky out of nowhere. 

“No,” Natasha shook her head. “If they made a deal, he would keep his lips sealed.” 

Y/N didn’t waste her time. She put on her custom tactical suit that would keep her warm even in the cold weather. She packed the most important stuff, but mostly geared up. She would be using her special abilities that she got unwillingly. 

She checked her watch. It was time. The sooner she’d leave the better. She wouldn’t be able to say goodbyes to anyone. It was better this way. She put on a long black leather jacket, and a backpack and left her room. She was about to pilot a jet for about six hours. It would be a long night. 

Tony was awoken by a beeping sound. He slowly opened his eyes and groaned. He finally got some sleep after a week and he was rudely awakened by his AI.

“Boss,” FRIDAY sounded urgent. “The Jet 05 was taken five hours ago,” she informed him. 

He quickly sat up, rubbing his eyes. “What? Who authorised it? Why didn’t you wake me sooner?” 

“Nick Fury,” FRIDAY answered. “The jet was taken by Agent Y/L/N. I tried to wake you, but you were deep asleep.” 

“What the fuck?” he said to himself. “Call the team immediately and I want Nick Fury here as soon as possible.” 

The team gathered in the biggest conference room they had. Tony was waiting for them, with a hologram of Y/N’s information presented in the middle of the table. He seemed nervous, even pissed and the team saw it. 

“Where did she go?” Natasha was the first one to ask. That’s when a map of the jet's route was shown to them. 

“North Canada. She’s still in the air,” said Tony. “The autopilot was turned off and she’s not using FRIDAY. But there is one tracking device she didn’t turn off. That’s why we know her location.” 

Bucky was silently sitting in a chair, looking directly at her photo. He should have gone to her, talked to her and convinced her to take him with her.  

“You okay?” Steve asked him silently when he noticed his friend struggling. 

“No,” he admitted. 

Steve sighed and leaned closer to him. “I know how much she means to you, but we need more information before we proceed.” 

When Nick stepped into the room, he was met with stern glares and upset people. He expected that. He knew what the reaction would be and he was prepared for everything. “You only figured it out because I arranged it,” he said. “And, also, because Natasha listens.” 

“Why don’t we know more about this?” Natasha asked him. “She’s part of the team, part of this family and you two have decided to leave us out of it.” 

Fury took a chair next to Stark. He was calm. “There’s a lot of things you still don’t know about her. When we decided to bring her here, we had long discussions about her, the abilities she has and her past. We made a deal: she would tell you her story once she’s ready.” 

“Why?” Clint asked. 

“It’s not my story to tell,” said Fury. “You cannot expect someone to tell you about other people’s lives. Same here - she wanted trust, she wanted to feel safe before she’d let you in.”

“So, she doesn’t trust us?” Natasha asked. 

“She does. It was only a matter of time before she’d tell you everything. This, however, is something bigger than you can imagine. I know all of you had a rough past. Y/N’s the newest member of the Avengers initiative and I gave her my promise not to tell you a word.” 

“You are not going to tell us what her mission is?” Steve glared at the director. “We should just wait and see if she comes back?” 

Fury nodded. “That’s what she wants.” 

Bucky thought back to the moments when they talked together. He recalled one night when they were both sitting on the rooftop of the building when neither of them could sleep. They talked about their nightmares, but she wasn’t specific. There was one thing he could remember her saying. 

“I wasn’t born with these powers. They were given to me,” she said sadly, looking at the little purple lights swirling between her fingers. 

They were given to her, which meant she was on her way to a place that gave her the powers. His eyes widened. “Holy shit,” he gasped and that brought everyone’s attention. 

“What?” 

“Two months back, we were sitting on the roof talking and she said to me that she wasn’t born with the power. It was given to her,” Bucky explained. 

Natasha caught up. “She’s going to the place where she was given her power.” 

Fury nodded. “She didn’t want any backup. She wants to do it alone. I believe she’s ready but I suggested she took someone from the team.” 

Barnes abruptly stood up from the chair, letting it fall on the floor and ran out of the conference room. He was ready to find her and be her backup. All he needed was to change, armour up and take a jet. 

“Bucky, wait,” Natasha shouted his name. 

“I have to find her,” he shouted back, not stopping. 

“I’m coming with you. We’ll meet at the hangar.” 

Y/N had no idea that the team had figured it all up - sort of. She arrived in the province of Nunavut, Canada. She landed with the jet in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by deep forest. Once the jet was secured, she left her coat in the jet and grabbed some weapons for the mission. All the details she memorised while on her way to this place. 

The building was three times bigger than the last complex she was raised in. Many children of various ages were held captive in this Youth Centre. The number was still unknown. That’s what it was called. To the public, it was known as a young offender’s institution - a place where they taught children to be better and do better. Y/N knew the truth. She saw the truth. it was a place where they tortured, killed and experimented on kids. All of the memories came rushing back. 

They were as painful as the torture she experienced. For a moment she felt as if she travelled back in time and saw her arms covered in IVs. They were bruised from the needles and burst veins. No wonder she had a problem withdrawing blood or vaccinations.

Her breath became shaky. Maybe it was the cold, maybe it was the painful feeling crawling through her body. 

Using her power, she lifted from the ground and flew through the forest to her final destination. This was her opportunity for revenge - destroy this evil facility and the people who worked there. 

What about the children? What about those who were not corrupted and wanted to live freely? She didn’t know. All she wanted was to destroy this place, even if it meant losing her own life. Was it wrong of her to kill everyone? Maybe.

There it was, a castle-like building in the middle of nowhere. When she was young, the Youth Centre was located in the States. Once she freed herself, they relocated here. 

She landed in a tree where she had a great vangate point. First, she needed a plan. By looking at the perimeter, she could see at least a dozen soldiers walking around the place, keeping an eye on intruders. From the files Fury gave her, there were potentially at least over a hundred men walking around the building. That was the last thing she feared. 

If there were any enhanced children, that would be a problem. It was hard to predict whether they were compelled to obey their orders or if they were still able to think for themselves. The first thing she should do was to infiltrate the building and try to find any children who were still human and try to get them out. Afterwards, it was time to destroy this place.

“If only Wanda and Vision were with us,” Natasha said while piloting the jet. 

Bucky was checking his guns and ammo in the back, wanting to be as prepared as possible. They had four hours to go. Y/N’s jet was located in the middle of a forest, in Canada. From the satellite that belonged to Stark, they found a building there too. It made sense that’s where she was going. 

“They wanted some time off,” Steve commented. “We will have to do it without them.” 

The Captain wanted to join Natasha and Bucky. So did Sam and Tony. Bruce and Clint stayed at the HQ where they monitored the situation from there. 

“I will have a serious talk with Y/N once we are on our way home,” said Tony. 

“Everyone calm down,” said Natasha. “She’s doing what she thought was the best.” 

“I don’t get it,” Sam thought out loud. “How bad could it be?” 

Bucky kept his eyes lowered on the gun he had in his hand. He kept replaying all the conversations he had with her. He thought of one moment when they were at Stark’s party.

She was sitting at the bar, drinking wine when he approached her. She looked stunning that night. They joked, commented on the snobby people around them and laughed at the event. “In the end, I’m enjoying this,” she said with a smile. 

“Really?” Bucky was surprised. “I thought parties weren’t your thing.” 

“That’s true. But I like to enjoy life as it is now. You never know how bad a person had it in the past,” she shrugged and drank the rest of the wine in one go. He could relate to that. If only he knew what her past was. 

“How are you doing?” a hand appeared on his shoulder. It was Steve checking up on him. 

Bucky shook his head. “I don’t know. I keep thinking back at our conversations, trying to find a clue, but I have nothing,” he admitted. “I want her to be safe, Steve. I care about her. I should have told her that a long time ago.” 

“We’ll find her and bring her back home,” said Steve reassuringly. “Then you can tell her.” 

“I fucking love her, Steve,” he finally admitted to his friend. “I never thought I would after everything that happened. I fear that we’ll be late.”

Y/N’s heart skipped a beat out of nowhere. She frowned. That was odd. She thought it was the adrenaline, but she wasn’t sure. 

She was running out of time. The sun would set in less than four hours and she wanted to finish this mission before dark. The plan was simple - attack, use her abilities to kill every man that was there, get inside, look around and find those assholes that started this twisted institute. If they were able to destroy Hydra and the Red Room, she would be able to end this. 

She could manipulate objects and create force fields. She had both offensive and defensive abilities. She and Wanda were almost alike. However, Wanda was a witch and was able to do more than Y/N. Wanda said to her, that she’s powerful too. 

With a deep breath, she jumped off the tree. Y/N was ready to end it all once and forever. 

With her powers, she captured each man who was outside, throwing their bodies to the wall and breaking their bones. Some of them died, some of them were unconscious from the pain. She cleared her path into the building. Once she approached the courtyard, she was met with more men, heavily armed. It seemed as if they were expecting her. 

All those emotions, rage, anger, and sadness caused her power to intensify. She was able to cover herself with a forcefield while she disarmed them and destroyed their weapons. That’s when an alarm was turned on.

Focus on the power running through your veins, she heard Wanda say. That’s what she told her all the time when they trained together. 

She was powerful, she could do it. She could end it all. 

Once all the men were down, she walked to the entrance door. Her adrenaline was high. Somewhere deep, she was thrilled. A smile appeared on her face as she walked further inside. For a brief second, she lost focus and a bullet scratched her shoulder, making her bleed. She groaned from the pain. 

Her eyes turned purple as she gathered her strength, surrounded the soldier in her powerful magical grip and threw him out of the nearest window. Fucker. 

First, she wandered the hallways of one sector, checking each room. They were empty. She turned to another hallway and checked there - nothing. There were classrooms and offices. It was all empty. 

When she met more soldiers, she swiftly defeated them. She took out her gun, ready to use it. She spent a lot of time at the shooting range. When an opportunity came, she shot a man straight into his head. Headshot, she heard a low male voice inside her head. 

Weird, there were no children to be found. Was it a trap? It was all too easy. That was until she stepped into a hall where she was met with those who made her the way she was. 

Adam Lewinski, the head of the Youth Centre, was staring at her like a hawk. By his side was his wife Greta. He had a right hand, Vladimir Vanko. They were standing at the very end of the hall. 

“What a pleasant surprise,” said Adam with a broad smile on his lips. “Did you miss your home?” 

They hadn’t aged a lot since she escaped. The woman had grey hair and Vladimir gained weight. Their presence made Y/N nauseous. She wanted to scream from all the pain but nothing came out. Her brain was fogged. She heard a loud ringing sound in her ears. 

She registered laughter. “Not so powerful, are you? And you call yourself an Avenger?” 

Y/N tried to open her eyes and looked at the cause of her pain. There was a boy, maybe eight years old, using his power on her. How come they were able to modify them to possess such ability? 

You know what to do, she heard herself say. There was no other way. She had to do it. Kill him before he kills you. He’s lost. 

Gathering her strength, she twisted her hand and sent a purple mist at the child, wrapping it around its neck. With a pull, she heard a loud crack and simultaneously the pain was gone. Taking a deep breath, she fell to her knees. Finally, she could breathe. However, it took its toll on her. 

Y/N just killed a child. 

Tears flooded her eyes as she tried to breathe through her nose. “Fuck you,” she said with a shaky voice. “How can you use children like this?” She stood up on her feet, glaring at the trio in front of her. 

“Haven’t we made you special?” asked Greta and took a step toward Y/N. “Our program gave you the abilities. We made you who you are now. You are an Avenger thanks to us. And yet you are an ungrateful brat,” she laughed. 

“You destroyed families. You took children from their parents and killed them. You used us against each other, making us kill one another. Do you think that is normal?” Y/N asked. “Do you think this is a good thing?”

“You don’t understand it, do you?” Vladimir approached her without any fear. His voice was deep and cold. “Without us, you would be nothing. All of those children were meant to be doomed - raised by abusive parents, in the streets. We gave you a new home, we gave you a purpose.” 

“No, you didn’t,” Y/N opposed. 

Adam whistled. It was a high-pitched sound that echoed around the hall. That’s when more than twenty children entered the hall. Y/N’s eyes widened. Some of them were teenagers, and some of them were literal children. The youngest must have been five years old. 

“There are our greatest creations,” Greta said. “They are more powerful than you think - some have superstrength, one is fast, other can cause you pain with a simple touch. You killed our beloved Lucas. He was such an extraordinary boy. Can you imagine harming someone with a simple look?” 

“You are nothing compared to them,” Vladimir said. “Just because you can manipulate some objects… as if that was something special,” he laughed. 

“We control them,” Vladimir continued. “They would do anything we say - protect us, die for us. They are programmed differently. We didn’t want to allow them to think as a free person.” 

“Weapons of mass destruction,” Adam added. “That’s what they are. That’s what they were meant to be.”

Y/N took a good look at those children. They seemed normal, human. Inside, they were modified, and powerful. How powerful? She was about to find out. 

“Children, it’s playtime,” Adam clapped his hands. 

That was their cue. Slowly, one after another they started to walk towards her. This was the moment she realised how stupid she was to not bring a backup. If she had to die, she’d die trying to stop the potential threat. 

“By the way,” she heard Adam say, “some of the children are waiting for their death, others were moved to our buyers. There is a group that will be given the serum once we are done with you.” 

You have to kill them, she said to herself. End it all. These are not children anymore, she reminded herself. 

That’s when a first child threw a fireball directly at her. She protected herself with a force field. Another hit came right afterwards. Shit. There was a girl that had superstrength. She was able to get close to Y/N and hit her on the right shoulder. Y/N immediately fought back, throwing her against the farther wall. Once she fell to the ground, the wall was covered in her blood. 

Luckily, these children were not immortal. 

The team landed the jet right next to the one that Y/N took. Bucky was the first one to run out of the jet, running to the other one to check it. He didn’t find her. “Fuck,” he mumbled, holding her leather jacket tightly in his fists. 

“We’ve got to move,” Steve ordered the team. “We don’t know how much time we got.” 

The newest nano-tech suit covered Tony’s body. He was ready for some action. “FRIDAY, talk to me. What do we have?” 

“I have analysed the building. There are many dead people. I have captured activity inside the building. It looks like Miss Y/L/N is there,” she informed them. “Boss, if the scanning is correct, she’s fighting children.”

Natasha’s eyes widened, not believing what she heard. “What?” she gasped. “What do you mean children?” 

“The place is holding captive more than 80 children. A group of them are now in an active battle with Miss Y/L/N,” said the AI. 

“Children?” Sam said to himself. 

“I can capture levels of power coming from the place.” 

“Enhanced,” said Steve. Slowly, they were putting the pieces together. “This must be the place where she gained her abilities.” 

“This must be the place where she grew up,” Natasha whispered.

Bucky’s heart ached. She went to fight her demons alone. He was the first one to move, leaving the team standing there. “Wait,” Natasha called after him. “We need a plan.” 

“No, we need to move, now, before it’s too late.” 

“He’s right,” Steve nodded. “Tony, Sam, get in the sky and secure the perimeter. Keep us updated.” 

The time was ticking. 

Y/N was bleeding from her nose. Her body ached as the children took turns, trying to kill her. So far, she was able to eliminate five of them. It was becoming more difficult. They were stronger than her. They didn’t have any emotions. All they wanted to do was finish her off. Y/N’s energy was low. It was hard to keep up with them. 

Before she knew it, they captured her and brought her down on her knees. The girl with superstrength punched her in the face, making her bleed from her mouth. She tore her skin under the right eye. Another hit was on her stomach. Y/N groaned from all the pain and spit out some blood. 

Her vision was blurred. Her ears were ringing and it was hard to breathe. This was it. She was too weak to defeat a bunch of enhanced children. Their experiments were different than back in the day. They had no mercy. 

You need to kill them all, she heard a voice in her head. They are not children anymore. 

Out of nowhere, she could see the faces of people she loved the most. Natasha was smiling at her. Steve had a proud look on his face, and Sam laughed as if she said the funniest joke ever. And then there was Bucky who kept lovingly staring at her, holding his hand stretched out to her. You are stronger than you think. 

Oh, how she loved him. She would never be able to tell him. She was too scared to do so and now, she wouldn’t have the chance. The love she had for her family and for that man brought a warm feeling to her chest. It was beautiful and pleasant. It made her want to fight more. 

“Any last words?” she heard Adam’s voice echo around her. 

“Burn in hell,” she mumbled. 

Y/N gathered all the energy she had left. She never did this before. As if her body was telling her what to do, guiding her through the unknown and making her release it all for the whole world to see - her full potential. 

With a painful scream erupting from her throat, she released the power from her entire body. Each child was thrown away into the cracking walls of the building that started to shake from its core. The ceiling started to fall and the stability of the building weakened. 

“You are going to kill us all,” she heard Greta scream. 

Y/N’s purple mist changed into purple-blue electricity, surrounding her body. The ground under her started to shake. It reminded her of an earthquake. She closed her eyes and let it all consume her. Everyone dead meant no more potential threat to the world. And then, she threw her hands up in the air. 

“What the hell is happening?” Sam asked once he flew over the building. “Something’s not right.” 

“The building is about to collapse,” FRIDAY informed them. “There is a high amount of energy surrounding the place. It belongs to Miss Y/L/N.” 

“No!” Bucky screamed.

When the Captain, the Widow and the Soldier arrived at the border of the estate, they watched as the whole building started to fall before their eyes. Blue and purple cracks appeared on the walls. They were watching it without breath until the rays of Y/N’s power got out of the building. There was a sound that reminded them of an explosion. And then the building collapsed. 

Everyone got covered in dust and the place got silent. The team kept staring at the ruins of the building. It was unrecognizable. No one could have survived it. 

“Holy shit,” someone said.

Bucky fell on his knees, not believing that he had lost her. He couldn’t breathe. All he could feel was pain. His heart shattered. There was no way she could have survived it.

“FRIDAY,” Tony mumbled the AI’s name. “Any signs of life?” 

“Scanning.” 

“Holy shit,” Sam said once he landed next to Steve. “What the fuck happened?” 

“I don’t know,” Steve replied. Once he could see better, he moved forward. 

“No signs of life, boss,” said FRIDAY after a minute. 

“Shit,” he sighed. 

They all started to walk on the remains, trying to find Y/N’s body. Natasha could see tiny hands sticking out of the bricks and wood. It was a horrifying look. So far, she counted six dead children. When she noticed an adult hand, she quickly ran to it, trying to lift any boulder covering the body. Unfortunately, it wasn’t her. It belonged to an unknown woman. “More people were present,” she said into her comm so the rest of the team could hear her. “I have a woman, mid-fifties, without signs of life.” 

They kept walking around, counting the people who died. No one could find Y/N’s body. 

“I’ve called Fury,” Tony informed them. “He’ll be sending a team of people here to get out the bodies and identify the children. Agent Hill and her team that is in Canada will be here in two hours.” 

Steve had his eyes locked on the ground. He kept searching the ruins until he found another hand. This one was familiar. The nails were covered in dust and dark red nail polish. His heart skipped a beat. He prepared himself and uncovered the body. 

It was her. Y/N’s body was covered in dirt. Her forehead was torn and bleeding. Her face had bruises. The suit was torn in many places. “I found her,” he informed the team, swallowing the grief. 

He squatted down, his fingers gently brushed her cheek. A tear escaped his eye. Why didn’t she call them? They would have helped. This should have ended differently.

Natasha was the first to arrive, gasping when she saw her friend lying there, dead. A sob escaped her lips. Then Sam arrived, not believing his eyes. It was difficult for them to see her like this - lifeless, beaten and dead. 

Steve was about to lift her body into his arms when he heard a heavy intake of breath. Quickly, he put two fingers on her neck, trying to find a pulse. “Shit,” he gasped when he felt it under his two fingers. “She’s still alive!” 

Tony flew to them, letting FRIDAY take a complete scan. “Vital signs critical.”

Natasha and Sam helped him take her out of the ruins. Steve held her tightly in his arms as he quickly, yet carefully, walked over the bricks, food and stones. One of her arms was lifelessly hanging down.  

“Let me take her,” Sam suggested. “I can fly her to the jet and get her to the nearest hospital. I know some people from the military.” 

“I’m coming with you,” said Tony. 

Steve nodded and handed her body to Sam. Before Bucky could approach them and see with both eyes she was indeed alive,  both Tony and Sam flew away from them to the jets. 

“No, wait,” Bucky shouted at them. “I wanted to…”

“She’s on the verge of life and death,” Steve stopped Bucky by putting a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it. “She needs immediate medical attention. We will get to her, all right?”

“But Steve-”

“I know, Buck. I know you are worried. We all are. We can only hope that they will make it on time.”  Steve could see the fear in Bucky’s eyes. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much they could do for her. 

She was in and out of consciousness. Her ears registered the rumbling sound of a jet engine. Was she in the jet? She wasn’t sure. Was that the sound of the falling building? All she felt was pain and her brain brought her back to the moments she’d like to erase from her memory forever. 

All of a sudden, she was sitting on a rustic chair with her hands tied behind her back. She was so small, still a child, maybe ten years old. The cold brought goosebumps to her skin. The window in the room was open. It was early winter. They left her sitting there in her underwear as a punishment. Suddenly, someone was holding her cheeks, screaming into her face. It was one of the guards. He pulled her hair, smacked her face and kept yelling. She felt as if she was suffocating. 

Y/N, she heard her name somewhere in the distance. Hold on. We are almost there. 

“Hi,” she heard Bucky greet her. When she turned around, he was sitting on the couch in the lounge room. It was that time when she couldn’t sleep because her past was still haunting her. “Are you okay?” 

“Can’t sleep,” she walked to the couch and sat down next to him. “Bad dreams.” 

“I get that. Sometimes it is hard to rest after a difficult mission. Nightmares invade your mind and won’t let you sleep,” he said. 

She looked at him, memorizing every detail on his handsome face. “Do you… Do you ever wish that you were killed?” 

He looked into her eyes and took a deep breath. “I used to,” he replied. “Now, I don’t.” 

They kept staring into each other’s eyes. “Yeah, same,” she smiled at him. 

That’s when she was pulled into the darkness. She felt more vibrations. What was it? Where was the jet taking her? Was it the jet? Please, stay with us, she heard someone’s voice. 

I’m right here. 

There was a big white room where she was lying on a cold metal table. Her body was tied to it. All she could see were the IVs coming out of her body. So far she counted six. Four on her arms, one on her neck and another one on her right leg. Her mouth was closed shut with a mask. She wanted to cry but deep down she knew it was to no avail. They would punish her and make her suffer more. Just be a good girl and do as we say. 

They made everyone suffer. It didn’t matter that some of the children were maybe three years old. Nothing mattered, only the next mission, the next experiment. 

Will life get better? 

Again, darkness. This time, she was swimming in it for a long time. It seemed that there was nothing more to show. Or maybe this was the end - darkness, nothingness. There was no heaven or hell, only darkness. 

Y/N, I’m right here with you. Please wake up. That voice was familiar. It brought a warm feeling to her chest. She tried to swim to it, as fast as it let her. Wake up for me. Was it Bucky? 

Y/N opened her eyes and the first thing she saw was a white light. It hurt her eyes and she blinked a few times. Her ears registered the sound of beeping machines. It was a steady beep, the one that monitored someone's heart. Slowly, turning her head from side to side, she noticed an unknown woman standing by her bed, checking up on her. 

“What happened?” Y/N whispered. Her throat was dry and her voice was raspy. 

The nurse gasped and quickly found a device that called any doctor. “You are awake,” she seemed surprised. “Oh my god,” she seemed surprised. 

“What?” 

The door to the hospital room opened and a doctor with another nurse came in. He was immediately standing next to Y/N, checking her eyes with a tiny light. “Everything seems fine so far,” said the doctor. His voice was echo-y. He showed his index fingers to her. “Squeeze them as tightly as possible.” 

Very slowly, Y/N wrapped her hands around his fingers, trying to squeeze them with all her strength. It wasn’t much but it was enough. The doctor seemed satisfied.

“That’s great,” he said. “We were waiting for you to wake up, Miss Y/L/N.”

“How long was I out?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper. 

“Over three weeks,” he replied. “You had a ruptured spleen that we had to take out. There’s been some internal bleeding that we stopped. You also had a concussion which led you into a coma for a few weeks,” he explained. “We stitched some of your wounds, you also have bruised ribs. Surprisingly, nothing was broken.” 

She remained silent, thinking about what happened. “Where am I?” 

The doctor frowned. “Do you remember anything?” 

“Yes,” she sighed, tired from all those questions. “I was supposed to die. Am I back in the US or am I still in Canada?” 

“You are back in the States,” he said, relieved that she knew what was going on around her. “Currently, you are still in New York, Langone Hospital.” 

“Has,” she dryly gulped. She wanted water. “Has anyone been here?” 

“You had several visitors. The last one we sent home because the visiting hours had ended. But, now, we need to inform Director Fury about your current state. I’ll let the nurses bring you water and we will give you another IV with antibiotics.” 

“IV?” she panicked. Her eyes widened when he said that. Immediately, she looked at her arm, scanning the needle. Her heart started to beat fast. She needed to overcome her fear. Quickly, she shut her eyes, trying to rest before any potential visitors. 

The doctor saw it. “Do not worry. We are giving you antibiotics, nothing else,” he reassured her. “We won’t hurt you, Miss Y/L/N. I need you to stay calm and we will call Director Fury as soon as possible.” 

With a simple nod, she released a loud exhale. No one knew about her fear of needles. They never witnessed her getting one and she avoided any at all costs. The less they knew, the better, right? 

She fell asleep for another hour when she heard the door open. She stirred and gently opened her eyes, looking directly at Nick Fury. “I’m glad you are alive,” he said. 

Y/N huffed. “I should have listened, I guess,” she whispered. 

“Yes, you should,” he nodded and pulled a chair closer to her bed. “Do you remember it?” 

“I remember it all,” she said. “I had to do it, sir. It needed to stop them. Some of the children were already sold,” he cleared her throat. Fury brought a cup of water with a straw to her lips and helped her drink from it. He didn’t let her take much. “Thank you.” 

“Not bringing any backup was stupid, Y/N.” 

“I know. I know. Will I,” she stopped, not daring to finish the sentence. 

He sighed. “There won’t be any repercussions,” he answered. “We were dealing with a global threat,” he explained. “The Youth Centre was as bad as Hydra. Unfortunately, they used children, experimented on them and killed them. We gathered a lot of information during these past few weeks and have enough evidence that even though the children died, it was for the better.”

“I am so sorry,” Y/N started to cry softly. “I looked. I couldn’t find anyone once I killed a lot of guards. They were hidden somewhere.” 

“Here is the good thing,” he stopped her. “Once we cleared the debris, we managed to uncover an underground place where there were around fifty children hidden in a cellar.” When he said that her eyes widened. “You didn’t kill all those children. You saved them. These children were not enhanced yet. They were abused a lot. Fortunately, no serum was given to them.”

“They are fine?” 

“With a lot of therapy, they will be fine,” he nodded. 

Y/N wanted to say something. When she noticed how he was staring at her, she forgot what she had on her mind. “What?” 

“How did you do it?” he had to ask. “How did you destroy the building?” 

She opened her mouth. How did she do it? It never happened before. She knew what her abilities were. This thing came out of nowhere. She thought back to the moment it happened. There was this feeling inside her that intensified and she released it out. “I have no idea,” she said honestly. “I wish I knew.” 

Fury simply patted her shoulder and stood up. “We will discuss it once you are out of here. The doctor said that if your condition remains the same until tomorrow, they will transport you into the HQ to the hospital wing.” 

That’s when she remembered the rest of the team. “Are- Are they angry at me?” she lowered her gaze. 

“Confused,” he said. “They don’t understand why you did it. Thanks to Romanoff and Barnes, they slowly figured things out.”

Bucky. Her heart dropped. She knew he would hate her the most. “How did I get here?” 

“Because they figured out where you went, and I left one of the tracking devices online, they came to help. However, before they were able to do anything, the building was destroyed and they thought you died,” Fury explained. “Relax. Nothing is as bad as it seems.” 

“So you broke the promise,” she said. 

“No,” he shrugged, keeping his voice on a funnier tone. “I didn’t say a word. I simply left some clues.” 

He was about to leave the room when she stopped him. “What am I supposed to do now?” she asked. 

“Rest,” he turned to her one more time. “And talk to the team. I believe they would like to see you. The last person that was here was Barnes. He looked terrible. No wonder. That man spent most of his days here. ”

She couldn’t believe it. Did Bucky keep visiting her while she was in a coma? Why would he do that? 

Y/N was left alone. Another round of sleep came to her. She didn’t have much energy and another cat nap would only do her good. This time, her mind was not invaded by any bad dreams. Maybe it was the drugs? 

She was awakened by something soft and warm pressed against the back of her hand. When she opened her eyes, she found Bucky pressing his lips to her hand, whispering something. He was sad and tired. Y/N squeezed his hand and he quickly looked up at her. 

“Y/N,” he whispered her name. “You are awake.”

“Hi,” she greeted him. “I woke up today,” she whispered. “It was time.” 

“We thought we lost you,” his voice broke. “I thought I lost you,” and he pressed another kiss to her hand. “How are you feeling?” 

“Tired. Weak. A bit confused,” she admitted. “If all goes well, I’ll be relocated to the HQ tomorrow.  Uh, can you bring me water, please?” Bucky was quick to take the glass with a straw and brought it closer to her lips. When she started to drink it, their eyes locked.  “Thank you,” she said when she finished. 

He opened his mouth, ready to tell her something. However, Natasha, Steve and Sam entered the room before he could make a sound. The redhead was first by her side, carefully hugging her. Steve and Sam stood behind Bucky, smiling. 

“You scared the shit out of us,” said Natasha when she pulled out of the hug. 

“I’m sorry,” said Y/N. 

“Why didn’t you ask us to come with you?” Nat asked. “You know we would have helped you.” 

Y/N’s eyes slowly moved to Bucky who kept looking at her. She wished they could be alone. It was hard to come up with a relevant answer and, in all honestly, she’d rather sit in silence with him. She thought he’d hate her. So far, it has nothing to do with hate. 

Sam started to talk about… something. Y/N wasn’t listening. It was something about a game of darts. Steve told her how the rest of the team thought highly of her and that Wanda and Vision would be back in two days. 

Her eyes were slowly closing while she kept listening to their stories. No one wanted to mention the mission. They kept her mind occupied with something else.

A nurse came to the room with a new IV and a bag. “It’s time to let her rest,” she informed them. “I suggest you come tomorrow.”

Natasha gently hugged her and the rest of them said their goodbyes. Bucky was the last one to leave. He noticed how Y/N was panicking when the nurse was about to take out her IV. Y/N turned her head, trying to breathe deeply. That’s when she found out he was still there. Tears welled up in her eyes. 

He took a few big steps and was immediately by her side. “Hey, it’s okay,” he tried to calm her. “I’m right here, Y/N. Keep looking at me.” 

She only nodded and pursed her lips only to keep her sobs hidden. Bucky found her free hand and took it into his, holding it tightly. He didn’t question it.

“I’m sorry, but you should-”

“I’m staying,” said Bucky to the nurse harshly, not giving her a single look. The woman kept her mouth shut and took out the needle of Y/N’s arm. 

“It’s going to be a minute, alright? Focus on me,” he kept talking to Y/N. “You are doing so well.” 

Bucky knew not to ask, not now. He stayed there until the nurse was done and Y/N had a new IV ready. “All done,” said the nurse. 

“It’s all done,” Bucky repeated for her. She snuggled her head into his chest and silently cried. She hated every moment of it. Nothing scared her more than IVs. She hated them with her whole being. 

He kept stroking her slightly greasy hair, trying to calm her down. Five minutes later, he realised that she had fallen asleep while being snuggled to him. Bucky kissed the top of her head and gently pushed her away. He fixed her body on the bed and stroked her cheek. Once again, he remained sitting next to the bed. This time, his body was relaxed because he knew she was conscious and well. 

Y/N was confused when she woke up the next day and she was alone in the room. She knew Bucky was the last one with her, helping her get through her fear of IVs. Now, no one was present. She sighed sadly. 

For the next few hours, she kept taking naps and watching TV that was installed in the room. That was until it was time to transfer her to the HQ as promised. She couldn’t be more thrilled. 

Everything went smoothly. They helped her take a shower after weeks and prepared her for transfer. Before she knew it, they wheeled her into the medical wing of the compound. The first thing she noticed was the bouquet of red roses standing next to her bed. There was her phone and a book she didn’t finish. The bed was way more comfortable than the one in the regular hospital. And, as if it wasn’t enough, there were snacks in the drawer next to the bed. 

“Do you like it?” said a voice from the door to her room. 

When she turned her head and saw Bucky standing at the door, smiling. Instantly, there was a smile on her face. “You did this?” 

He walked to her. “Yes. I wanted you to feel good, homely.” 

“That is so sweet,” she said and yawned. It was time to lie down and gain more energy. She stretched her arm to him and signed him to take it. “I love roses.”

Bucky couldn’t do it faster. They held hands for a good minute, staring at each other silently. 

This was his moment. He couldn’t wait any longer. He leaned to her and pressed his lips to her. The first good sign was, she didn’t pull away. The kiss was sweet, just as he imagined it would be, if not better. He could stay like this forever.

Bucky smelled like a menthol shower gel. She could breathe his scent until her very last day. How glad she was they made her take a shower before transfer. 

When he pulled away, he kept his forehead pressed against her. “I love you,” he whispered, finally admitting his feelings. “I’ve loved you for some time now.” 

Y/N smiled. “I love you too, Buck.” She couldn’t be any happier. “I was worried you’d hate me.”

He looked into her eyes. “I could never do that. I was upset that you didn’t want me there. I thought my life ended when they found you without any sign of life.” His gorgeous blue eyes filled with tears. “I really thought I lost you.”

She put both hands on his cheeks. “I’m so sorry.”

He brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “Don’t be. You are alive, here with us, with me. That’s all that matters.” 

She kissed him again, this time deepening the kiss. Bucky’s metal hand travelled to her neck and pulled her to him as much as it was possible. The cold made her gasp and that was the moment he used and explored her mouth with his tongue. 

Someone cleared their throat. Slowly, they both turned their head to the sound and disconnected their lips. Steve and Sam were standing at the door, smiling like school girls. 

“Sorry to interrupt, love birds,” said Sam, giggling. 

“You are ruining the moment,” Bucky snarled at him. “Can you come later?” 

“You know what?” Y/N interrupted, patting Bucky’s hand. “Stay. Please. I need to talk to you. Could you also call the rest of the team? I- I need to tell you everything. Please.” 

“Okay,” Bucky nodded and before he left, he kissed the top of her hair. 

Steve and Sam were still grinning at her. They sat down on a small sofa that was next to the bed. “So, you two, huh?” said Sam, winking at her. 

“Sam,” Steve nudged his shoulder. “How are you feeling?” he turned his head to Y/N, genuinely concerned. 

“I’m getting better by the minute,” she admitted with a smile. “Still tired though. The doctor said I need to rest here for another few days. Afterwards, I can leave this place and rest back home - or in my room.” 

“Or in Bucky’s arms,” Sam teased. Steve smacked his shoulder.

“And no active missions until we are sure you are healthy and strong. We can use you from here,” said Steve. 

“Yes, Captain,” she winked at him. “And I am really sorry for what happened.”

Natasha was the first to run into the room. Before Y/N knew it, the woman was hugging her again and taking a seat next to her. “I’m glad you are here with us,” she said with a smile. “The rest of the team will be here any minute. You okay?” 

“Yeah,” Y/N nodded with a smile. She fidgeted a little. “Just nervous.” 

“Why are you nervous?” she asked. “You don’t have to be. We’ve been through a lot together. It’s going to be fine.” 

Clint, Tony and Bruce entered the room. They greeted Y/N with gentle hugs. While they were chatting, Wanda and Vision unexpectedly walked into the room. Y/N’s eyes almost popped out. “Holy shit,” she gasped. 

Wanda was quick enough to come to her and pulled her into a tight loving embrace. “Don’t ever scare me like that,” was the first thing the woman whispered into her ear. 

“I’m sorry.” Wanda and Y/N had a special bond. There was something a little more special than she had with Natasha. But all three women were very close. 

With a kiss on her forehead, she sat by her other side which was not occupied by anyone. Both friends were by her side. And yet she wished Bucky was the one sitting with her. He was the last one to return. His eyes noticed that he wouldn’t be able to sit next to the woman he loved. 

Without stalling, Y/N started to talk about her past - how her childhood was taken away from her. 

“I remember playing outside. My mother was there with me. It was a beautiful warm day. I don’t remember the city I was born in or her name. What I do remember is the sound of her painful cry. It happened so quickly. The next thing I knew, I was in a place that became my new home.” 

Everyone listened and didn’t ask questions or intervene. 

“There’s been always at least 20 to 40 children - all ages. We were raised there. They taught us everything that they considered important as well as basic skills such as reading, writing and math. I guess it was similar to Red Room,” she looked at Natasha. “They started to experiment on us very early, as well as they started to kill us. There was this older girl, about seventeen and she was on her way to becoming enhanced. Unfortunately, the last experiment changed her personality and she turned into a psychopath. Because of that, they killed her and everyone who was undergoing the same treatments as her. Of course, they did it in front of us.

“The first time it happened, I vomited as well as other kids. They punished us and we stayed without food for a week. The only thing we had was water. They kept us between four cold walls. One time,” she put a grimace on her face, “one of the soldiers tried to drown me because I refused to pleasure him. I was eleven.” 

Y/N noticed how Wanda’s eyes closed. She tried to remain stoic. When her eyes scanned each person, no one could look at her, even Bucky’s eyes were on the floor. 

“It happened at least once a week,” she continued. “Unfortunately, when they break you, they’ll get what they want. And they’ll find a way to do it again and again.” Her voice started to shake. “Then comes a turn and once the time is right, you make them suffer.”

She thought about that particular moment and told them about it. She was sixteen when the experiment was successful and she gained abilities. The guards, who loved to play with her, were met with her rage. She killed them all. 

“Thus, my plan to escape started a few days after that. I managed to leave the place that tortured me for years. A place where even though I gained something powerful, broke me in many ways. They took me away from my mother and destroyed my childhood and teenage years.”

This time, a tear escaped her eye and gently caressed her cheek. “I never thought things would get better. I was hiding around the States and in Europe. I became a mercenary only to have some money. Now, here we are… After all that death and torture, I am still alive. That’s why I wanted to, no, needed to do this alone. I needed to finish this and kill them because they were a threat to everyone. I didn’t want to risk your lives for my pain, my past.” 

The team was silent. No one knew what to say. What could a person say after everything they’ve heard?

“Don’t look at me like that,” Y/N shook her head. “You’ve all had traumatic pasts.” 

Natasha was the one who said it out loud. “No one was raped when they were a child.” 

“Well, there are other things that did not happen to me, but did happen to you,” said Y/N. “We live in a fucked up world. Now we have the ability to make it better.” 

. . .

Bucky had his normal hand on the steering wheel while his metal hand held Y/N’s. He proposed a trip - a few days off, without the team somewhere outside of New York. Just the two of them, enjoying their time together. It was nice of him to take her out. 

He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. “Where are you taking me?” she asked, giggling. “Come on, Buck, just give me a hint.” 

“We’ll be there in a minute. Please, wait and you’ll see,” he said with a smile. 

At first, they flew to Colorado and spent a nice day walking around Denver and enjoying the food and entertainment. Today, he took her for a ride. They were slowly driving through a peaceful neighbourhood. There was nothing special about it - houses, families walking around and enjoying the day.

Y/N took a deep breath through her nose. She became nervous. “Did you buy us a house?” she had to ask. 

That’s when he parked the car and looked at her. “No,” he shook his head. “I know I should have asked you about this, but after everything, I figured this would be something you’d want to do,” he started. “I’ve been searching for several days until I found what I wanted and that’s why I brought you here.” 

She frowned at him, not liking how cryptic he was. Bucky quickly kissed her lips and then got out of the car. Because he was a gentleman, he went to Y/N’s door and opened it for her. “I’m nervous,” she said when she stepped out. 

He grabbed her hand, squeezing it reassuringly. He slowly took her to one of the houses. It was of smaller size, but it was a nice place to live. Once they were at the front door, he loudly knocked on them. “I figured that maybe you’d want to…”

The door opened. A woman in her mid-fifties was standing there, dressed in casual comfortable clothes. From her face, she seemed shocked. “Oh my god,” she whispered. 

Bucky didn’t need to say a word. Y/N figured it all out.  She could feel it inside her soul that she knew this person. “Mum?”

“It’s you,” the woman started to sob. “You are alive.” She pulled Y/N into a tight embrace, crying into her shoulder. “Oh my god, my sweet angel, you are alive.” When she pulled away, she grabbed Y/N’s face into her hands, scanning every detail to memorize it. “Your wonderful friend came to me a week ago, saying that he knows you. He told me, that my beautiful baby is alive.” 

Y/N looked at Bucky, her eyes filled with tears. “Yeah, he’s the best thing that ever happened to me.” 

[mxchineherald]

viktor's neurodivergence

In Zaun, there are terms for those with neurodivergence, such as 'Spirit Touched'. They are (typically) openly accepted and supported by their communities, as opposed to the all too common 'closed door' policy of Piltover.

Viktor's ND was subtle in its presentation, but he was still noticed as autistic by his community by the time he was about four. Accommodations were made where they could be, but ultimately, growing up in a world that didn't/couldn't understand his mind or needs led to him developing unhealthy coping mechanisms and anxiety. He was bullied by the factory children, who led much harder lives than he did, and typically stuck to a solitary existence to stay safe.

As he got older, he taught himself methods to manage his symptoms and traits, as he was relatively low-needs compared to most cases of autism he saw. Of course, his methods were not perfect, and sometimes unhealthy, but he made significant progress through his teen years with the help of his support net (his parents, Benzo, Babette, and Jericho).

Below is a list of symptoms and traits Viktor experiences as an autistic person with anxiety.

missing social cues

Viktor very commonly does not know when he is being rude, over-explanatory, or condescending. He will miss cues telling him to stop a line of conversation, or to continue one. Often times, if he is bored by something, he will look outwardly miserable, and otherwise has a hard time hiding his genuine reactions to something, be they positive or negative. Due to this, several NT nobles and officials prefer to avoid him, and vice versa.

hyperfixation

It is possible for Viktor to become so focused on something that he forgoes drinking, eating, moving, or sleeping. This can, and has, led to him spending days in the lab before being sent home to rest and bathe by Jayce or Sky. He's better about it now than when he was a teenager. He can become so engrossed in a subject that it is literally all he will talk about for weeks at a time, and will take any chance to discuss it with others, even if they're sick of it.

shutdowns

Something Viktor has struggled with since childhood, shutdowns cause him to close the world out and go silent. He will often times escape from the situation causing the shutdown, be that a social interaction, a loud party, a crowded shop, etc, and hide somewhere dark and quiet to go non-responsive. Jayce once found him in a bathroom at a Council function, unable to speak or move, crying. Only space, quiet, and deep pressure therapy seem to help with these episodes.

fidgetting/stimming

Viktor always needs to keep his hands busy, be it with his work or with a fidget of some kind. He will twirl his hair, flip pencils in his fingers, tap his digits on surfaces, or simply rub his hands together. When he speaks, one hand is usually occupied by his cane/crutch, while the other swings around at his side to impress his statements. Sky gave him a small, rotating puzzle to help him with his stimming, and it's one of his most prized possessions.

social anxiety

Viktor experiences mild to severe anxiety when speaking to people he doesn't know personally. This can lead to more social cues being missed than usual, giving most a somewhat awkward first impression of him. He also hates small talk because of this. No matter what he tries, he experiences severe stage fright, and suffers trembling, nausea, and headaches when addressing crowds. (This becomes very lessened in his augmented form)

big emotions

Viktor experiences emotions viscerally and physically. Anger burns his insides, sadness chills his bones, happiness fills him with static energy, and anxiety leaves his skin prickling. Emotions might cause him to fall into repetitive motions like rattling his head, rubbing his leg, shimmying his shoulders, or wagging his hands. Emotions can physically exhaust him, even leading to flares of his Miner's Disease or Arcane Fatigue.

sensory issues

Many senses of Viktor's are far more raw than others. Touch and smell are his two most acute senses, requiring accommodation in some cases. He wears softer fabrics and avoids silk or satin directly against his skin. This leads to Viktor having favorite outfits, which he will repeatedly wear. As for scents, Viktor likes consistency, and will always wear the same oils. He specifically dislikes the smell of menthol, because it's too strong.

digestive issues

Depending on his stress level, Viktor will have a harder time processing and digesting foods. Sometimes, even with no stress, his body will simply decide it does not like something, and make it his problem. He has safe foods, like eggs, congee, balovi, anchovies in gravy, and sweetmilk, which he will never turn down unless he is too ill to eat food in general. He experiences gastritis often due to his digestive issues, and is very shy about it.

[goopi-ctures]

Bac(terra) In(cognita)

Usually I am not an OC person, but I do have these guys, which are near and dear to my heart. I've been working on them since 2015-16-ish, and, while initially it all started as an imagined reboot for a super obscure animated mini-series from 2000's, by now the whole thing evolved into an entirely independent project of big personal importance. I've been cagey about them mostly because I really want to make something significant out of them, maybe like a comic or a children's book, all with a major focus on edutainment, but have been stuck on the topic for years.

The overall premise goes as follows: one day, an empty Petri dish rolled under the sink in a microbio lab, never to be found again by any human working there. However, it quickly became a home to a vibrant community of all sorts of microorganisms, who, as it turns out, are not that different from the humankind. They even have schools!

Main cast:

Eccoli (based on E. coli): he's the protagonist. A smart, but thouroughly burned out kid who skips classes to go eavesdropping on the lessons taking place in a rival school. This is how he stumbles upon the other three guys and reluctantly befriends them. He's very anxious and secretive by nature, but blossoms whenever he gets a chance to talk about his special interest in viruses. Also, being a bacteria, he is by far the tiniest of the main quartet - yes, not all microorganisms are equally small.

Penny Cilly (based on the penicillium mold): a diligent and energetic girl with a short temper and an over-achiever.mindset. May not be able to grasp some topics from the get-go, but makes up for it with lots and lots of hard work. Her family wants her to make a career in antibiotic production, but she's more interested in looking for the alternatives, as antibiotic resistance is on the rise.

Muchor (based on the mucor mold): despite being Penny's childhood friend, he couldn't be more different from her. A born genius, he never struggles in class, grasping even the most complex of concepts on the fly, but having to sit down and do homework will make him crumble. His intellectual prowess also led him to developing a self-centered and condescending attitude, but under all that he's actually a pretty chill and pleasant guy. Has a knack for dangerous experiments and stupid pranks.

Ameeba (based on amoebas): the token nerd of the group. Shy and timid, but very observant and analytical - she definitely rivals even Muchor in that regard, which he openly admits. She has a wide range of interests, but mostly they revolve around art, anime and fashion. She has a very eclectic taste and changes outfits constantly. Also, she can shapeshift! Usually it's confined to her hair, but changing the whole body is definitely possible. It's a very handy ability, as amoebas are significantly larger than most microorganisms (some are even visible with the naked eye), and not many places in Ameeba's life accomodate for that.

Here are the size comparisons (the left one is super old and has an outdated Ameeba design, but it's the best that I have):

Here are their humanizations:

And here's their classroom:

Side characters:

Vol'ka (based on the volvox algae): he's a little younger than the main cast and goes to a different school, but often gets himself involved in their shenanigans. Just as smart as everyone on the team, but his main love is math, maybe also chemistry, while the protags mostly gravitate towards biology. Also, he's the fabled single mom teenager boy: every little cell that makes up his poofy hair is actually one of his little sisters, and he has no choice but to babysit them.

The teachers! The one on the left is Mrs. Inforia (based on Paramecium caudatum), who teaches the main gang and is niceys; the one on the right is Ms. Aurora (based on Staphylococcus aureus), who is Eccoli's teacher and is horrible. Honestly, they're both kind of placeholder-ish, I definitely need to work on the adults of this setting more.

Eulene (based on the euglenas, who are... technically not algae? It's complicated): she's also a teacher working part-time at both Vol'ka's school and the main school, but she's significantly younger than the other two teachers - so much so that she was only in her senior year when Ameeba, Penny and Muchor started middle school. So she's in that awkward position of both being their close friend, but also an authority. Honestly, I love this dymanic, it's very true to some of my experiences.

[lit3rally-m1ke-whlr]

guys I accidentally deleted the essay I wrote in my drafts bc I’m an idiot (I’m crying) so I’m just gonna summarize in less words bc whatever I’m not typing several more paragraphs on this. Anyway I just had to say that I feel like there’s an ableism problem in the Stranger Things fandom. Either that or this fandom just doesn’t like when characters show obvious neurodivergent traits. We see this with El being either infantilized or deemed annoying by fans when she’s clearly developmentally impaired and autistic because she struggles with understanding social cues and just wants to be normal and fit in like everyone else. She was raised in a lab, obviously she’s going to be immature and not have a strong handle on her emotional responses to things, and you don’t have to like her but it kinda sucks that she’s being hated for these things when I can relate to her so much. We also see this with Mike, and I feel like the people calling him the worst character are forgetting he’s literally just a teenage boy dealing with trauma. Like it’s as if they were never a teenager before because trust me I was just like Mike at that age if not worse. I’ll admit I used to hate him too but maturing is realizing the reasons people dislike Mike can easily be explained by either internalized homophobia or neurodivergence. He’s a bad friend? It’s because he’s trying so hard to appear straight and struggles to balance his relationships in a healthy manner, and he often speaks before thinking about how what he’s saying comes across to others, which is something many autistics/ people with ADHD do, not because we mean to hurt others but we can often be blunt or brutally honest and come across as rude (or even just lash out when we feel attacked or hurt as a way to defend ourselves but it often comes out harsher than we want it to) in my experience. He’s a bad boyfriend? He’s actually not and even then it’s because he’s gay and not in love with El but just doesn’t want to lose her. Besides he doesn’t have a great model for what a loving relationship looks like because of his parents so he may not be able to differentiate between romantic and platonic love and stays in a relationship that he’s clearly not happy in because of societal pressure to appear straight and it would be suspicious (in his mind) if they broke up because a) El literally is the coolest girl on the planet, how could he not love her and b) he loses his cover and people might start to notice and question his lack of attraction to girls. But not only that, he clearly struggles with describing and expressing his emotions or recognizing those of others (aka alexythemia) which is common in autistic people. So if he didn’t notice El’s obvious discomfort at the skating rink that’s probably why, and it’s also why he couldn’t tell her he loved her (bc it was a lie but I digress).

But perhaps the best example and the reason I decided to make this rant post is Robin’s character in s4. I remember seeing so many people saying that once the writers decided to make her lesbian they realized they didn’t know what to do with her character, some even going as far as to say they made her ditzy and stripped her of her coolness, which basically proves my point about y’all (as in the fandom in general) not liking ND people because god forbid we unmask around you, it’s no wonder so many of us feel afraid to be our true selves in front of other people. It’s almost as if she was hiding behind a persona to seem more normal and not draw unwanted attention to herself because she’s a lesbian, and once she came out to Steve and was accepted she… didn’t have to do that anymore? She felt more comfortable and safe around him to show her true personality? I don’t know but there’s something off about the way people are acting like she’s suddenly dumb or just there for comedic effect in s4 when she’s literally been so useful like she’s the one who realized music could save victims from being possessed by vecna. She’s literally the same except now she’s out to someone and she gets nervous when it comes to girls she likes, big fucking deal. Not only is this mischaracterization ludicrous and flat out wrong but it’s quite upsetting to see as someone who can relate to Robin in season 4 and is also autistic. Yes, not everyone with autism is like that but some are and to say she’s no longer cool because of it just enforces the perception of autistics as weird and unlikeable just for simply being themselves and makes us feel like we can only be liked or taken seriously if we keep the mask on.

look at me I said I would keep it brief this time but I still ended up writing an entire wall of text on this anyway lol thanks for coming to my Ted talk ig