#it's hard and it sucks and everyone has different circumstances but no one else is gonna save u or get u out

[badcountryofficial]

It's funny how "you just need to be uncomfortable to grow and growing is a good thing that you should try to do in your life" is considered a "boomer-like" statement and how many people will genuinely respond with "sure but it's also valid if you don't want to do hard and uncomfortable things!"

DISCLAIMER: OBVIOUSLY THERE'S NUANCE

[turbulentscrawl]

BUNS HEAR ME OUT.

Top 5 most protective survivors with the ‘who did this to you’ trope.

Let’s just say their S/O gets injured maybe in a match and it’s evident by the damage of the body that it’s definitely not accidental as they claim. So we get a “who did this?”

Maybe this could be a HC for you to do one day lol

Oh this one is quick and easy! I did go back and forth on the exact order here, but these are my top 5s. There is some overlap with the one I just did, but for the sake of changing it up a bit we’ll say that in this case your injuries are obviously also not from a Hunter.

Ganji is at the top because I think he’d be the most emotionally reactive to this specific situation. He’s not as severe as Naib in his revenge, but survivors hurting survivors is a big deal. Like, you’re all stuck here, in limbo, suffering, and some bitch thinks they’re going to start turning it into a free-for-all, too? Fuck no. He feels bad about it later, but he is a little aggressive while trying to get you to admit who did it. He’ll soften a bit if it was a genuine accident, but he still thinks everyone’s been here too long for simple carelessness to be an excuse. If it wasn’t an accident? There are unspoken rules here, and if the manor isn’t going to enforce them, Ganji sure as fuck will.

Naib still has to have a place here, but he’s a smidge lower because his anger is more controlled and calculating. His protective urges in general are pretty off-the-charts and, while he can’t do much about a Hunter hurting you in a game since that’s kinda the point, he can do something about a fellow survivor. He won’t press you too hard while you’re recovering, but frankly it doesn’t matter if you won’t tell him how it happened or who did it. He’s spent years of his life digging up information about targets and this is no different. If anything, it’s easier because he knows the culprit was someone else in the match with you.

Patricia comes after Naib and Ganji because her emotions lean towards desperation more than anger or bitterness. She’s been itching for someone deserving to lay her blood curse on, and this is the perfect opportunity. Someone who was supposed to be an ally has hurt her love? That’s rotten. That’s sinful. She won’t leave you be until you spill who did it. She’s gentle, of course, but every waking moment she spends with you during recovery is spent asking or subtly coaxing you to admit what happened. She’ll give up on asking after several days, but will forever be watching to see if your interactions with the others change. If she suspects anyone in particular, they’re gonna have a little chat.

Andrew can’t see what reason a fellow survivor would have to hurt you, but then he really can’t see reason at all when he’s so angry. He’s not nearly as likely as the others to go out of his way for revenge after-the fact, and he’s not intuitive enough to find out who did it if you won’t tell him…but FUCK he’s mad. Andrew just spends the next few days stewing in anger, tense, sucking his teeth, and cursing randomly in quiet moments. If you or someone else from your match tells him who did it, he makes it clear that he isn’t doing shit for them going forward. Oh, what’s that, they got chaired? Downed? Well, guess they’re fucked. He’d rather take the match loss than save their sorry ass.

Orpheus’s exact reaction is going to depend a bit on when you catch him with all of this. Getting hurt in the matches is normal and frankly he’s a bit numbed to it in most circumstances. But this isn’t a normal match wound, is it, dear? Some of his personalities are more reactive than others, and all of them are quite good at digging. He was a detective, after all. In short, he would appreciate it if you told him who hurt you…but even if you won’t snitch, rest assured he will find out. Whatever happens after that depends on which personality is in charge at the time.

[slytheringlambert91]

Doomed by the Narrative

Jason messed up on a mission, and like his usual dramatic self, blows it a little out of proportion and panics.

AKA 2800 words of Jason spiraling

TW: panic attack, dissociation, mild suicidal thoughts? (There’s a bit where he thinks he’s better off dead)

If there’s something else let me know

Fic below the cut, and here’s the link on ao3:

The wind sweeps through Jason’s hair, his helmet behind him on the roof. Gotham has an over abundance of gargoyles, some which are still stable enough to hold his weight. The ledge he’s in is small—more suited to teenaged him, but this was his favorite roof.

It’s tall, positioned where you can see most of the city.

He breathes deeply, head braced against the gargoyle behind him—looking at where stars /should/ be—arms resting on his knees.

He’d fucked up tonight.

He’d fucked up massively.

Dick almost died because of him.

/Damian/ almost died because of him

/Tick

Tick

Tick

The sound echoes in Jason’s head, his bones, his very being.

Why tonight, why this mission?

He should move, do something. Maybe warn the others?

He’s supposed to be clearing the warehouse with Dick and Damian, he should warn them, get them out. But he can’t move, he’s frozen, his mouth won’t form the warning.

Tick

Tick

Tick

Something slams into him, right before heat sears through him.

Dick’s groaning on top of him, taking most of the heat of the fire.

How did he let this happen?

He’ll never be allowed back now.

The bomb was far enough away to not kill them, but it still sucked ass.

He drags Dick up, tosses him at Bruce, and runs./

He can’t help but draw similarities to his favorite tragedies.

Running away, never looking back like Orpheus saving his wife.

There’s more, Jason’s mind is racing between the self deprecating thoughts and the analogies.

But the height of his perch, the way the gentle breeze brushes through his hair, brings him out of his spiral briefly. He can almost pretend it’s Bruce, running his fingers through Jason’s hair, soothing him after a nightmare.

That’s his Achilles Heel, his weakness: the way he craves the comfort of a family he drove away.

Gotham’s air could never be considered fresh, too smoggy, too polluted, but it’s home.

It’s /his/ home.

His home, which he may have to say goodbye to.

Everything he’s been working towards with the Bats, gone.

Gone in a single instant.

All because Jason froze.

It was a damn warehouse, they were locked in, and there was the ticking of a bomb.

A sick parody of his death.

Except

This time he wasn’t alone.

There’s no way they’ll invite him back now.

He’d tried.

He’d tried /so hard/

And it wasn’t enough.

Bruce doesn’t want him, won’t want him, /can’t/ want him.

He’s a danger, why would any father want him around their kids? Even his own father shouldn’t want that..

Jason can’t even keep his head in the field. All the work he’s done to reclaim his trauma, to prove he’s /better/ than that, failed.

Looks like he’s a long way from Prometheus, he’s never been able to reclaim his fire.

He’s still fucked up, still useless.

All it took was a ticking noise and a warehouse.

The circumstances were vastly different.

There were no chains, no joker, no /crowbar/—barring the one strapped to his back, now laying next to his helmet. Hell, he even had company! He wasn’t facing it alone, and yet he still froze.

Boots thump against the ground—clearly intentional, it’s the Bat after all—accompanied by the quiet swish of a long cape.

Of course, there are other bats with capes: Red Robin and Robin, Spoiler and Black Bat, pretty much everyone but him and Dick.

But with the weight behind the drop, and the fact that Batman’s cape has a distinctive sound—if you know what to listen for—all leads to it being the big Bat.

Exactly the person who’s arrival he was dreading.

He knew it was inevitable. Hell, he wasn’t even hiding, or running. He just wished it wasn’t the case. He’d wondered if Bruce would give him a day or two, wanting to be with his real children, to reassure himself they survived despite Jason’s fuck-up.

“Hood.” Bruce growls. His voice is low and dark, only spelling out the anger hiding beneath.

“I know. I fucked up, it was dangerous and reckless and I endangered everyone. If I say I’m sorry,” he’s not really, is he? Can you be sorry if it’s something you can’t control? “Will you spare me the lecture?”

He knows the lecture is coming, almost nothing is a big enough excuse to get out of the lectures. He may be resigned to it, but he’d like to at least pretend he’s not used to it.

It’s all he gets now.

/“Jason, you’re being reckless”

“You’re dangerous”

“You lack control”/

And on and on and on

He’s /sick/ of it. Yet he can’t yell, or fight, and god knows he can’t /leave/.

He can’t force himself to give this up, he can’t leave his family. Even if they don’t want him. Even if he’ll never be a true member again.

But was he ever?

He was never truly accepted. Not by Dick, not by society. Who knows if Bruce actually wanted him there or was pitying him.

He’s just the /poor, starving street rat.

“Are you ok?” Bruce’s low voice shocks him out of his thoughts again.

“I…am uninjured.”

Is he ok?

He’s not totally present, he wouldn’t know.

Or rather, he’s /too present/, and yet disconnected from his feelings.

His mind’s spinning, it’s racing and it won’t stop.

But there’s no emotion tied to the thoughts.

How can there be?

He’s been waiting for this moment since he started reintegrating back into the family. The moment where they kick him to the curb, tell him he’s not worth it and he never was.

He could still leave, he has his grapple. He could jump off, run away /again/.

He could stand and fight. Turn around, close the distance, and scream at Bruce until he’s hoarse, or it escalates to something physical.

His heart stutters at the thought.

He may love fighting, he relishes in seeing that vein pop out in Bruce’s forehead, the way his lips purse in displeasure, but he can’t do it tonight.

He can’t—

“—ood!” Apparently Bruce has been talking for a while. Interesting. “Jason!” That really startles Jason. Bruce has rarely ever broken his “no names in the field rule”.

Whatever it is must be important.

“Jaylad, I need you to answer me, son, I need you to breathe.”

Wait. That was him, wasn’t it? Bruce was calling to him? He was calling him son, breaking one of his most important rules, for /Jason/?

He turns his head, making eye contact with Bruce. He must’ve retracted the white lenses at some point.

“There you are lad,” Bruce’s voice is soft, he must’ve turned the voice modulator off at some point. “Can you come over here? I can’t get to you on that ledge.”

Bruce is crouching on the edge of the roof, arm outstretched to him.

“You with me, bud? I just need you to grab my hand.”

Jason can do that, right? That seems easy.

Bruce isn’t asking a lot.

Seems hard though. His limbs aren’t obeying him, he can’t raise his arm, can’t force himself to stand up.

He manages to shake his head ever so slightly, eyes pleading with Bruce to understand, to get what he’s saying without having to say anything.

“No? No what, Jay? Can’t move?”

Jason nods at that, trying again to force his arm to work.

“Ok, ok we can sit here a bit longer. How about you try taking some deep breaths for me? I’ll lead, just try and follow.”

Jason acknowledges Bruce the best he can, and his father starts the familiar breathing sequence.

Jason begins to feel his body again, he didn’t even realize when he stopped.

On his last exhale, he’s able to shift, bracing his hands against his knees and pushing up.

“There we go, chum. Take it slow, alright?”

Jason stands, keeping a hand braced on the gargoyle. For the first time in a very long time, his vision swims when he takes in the height.

“D’d?” His tongue feels heavy, mouth not quite cooperating enough to form all the sounds.

There’s a sharp inhale from the figure across from him. The swirling black against the—mostly—gray sky.

“I’m here, Jaylad, I’m here. You can do it, just come to me.”

His limbs are still sluggish, but he can do it, right? It’s just 2 steps. Two steps and he’ll be near Bruce, he’ll be with his dad.

But…

Does his father really want him there?

His thoughts keep coming back to that.

The endless circle of self doubt.

Everything about this situation points to Bruce caring about him. Wanting him back.

But does he actually?

Is this a ploy?

“Deep breaths, Jay, you can do it, I believe in you.”

Oh, his breathing sped up again, didn’t it?

Jason just needs to get to Bruce, take the two steps off the ledge and back into the roof.

He starts forward, breathing fast, heart pounding in his chest.

One step,

Just one more,

He stumbles and—

He falls.

Distantly, he can hear Bruce yell, see the black shape dive after him.

They say Icarus laughed as he fell.

Overcome with joy, with freedom, he laughed.

Jason…didn’t quite laugh, but how else can he explain the sense of calm, of peace settling over him.

This was always his favorite part of flying through Gotham, this falling.

The swoop of his stomach before he shot the grapple line.

He knows he should be grabbing the grapple, it should be instinctual.

It always has been. Until now.

What if this is how it’s meant to be?

Surely his family is better without him.

They made it through his death once, surely they could do it again.

He’s always been a Greek tragedy, doomed by the narrative, right there with Achilles, Patroclus, and all the other Greek heroes of old.

At least they were worth something, they were /good/ (mostly).

A force slams into him, knocking out whatever air was left in his lungs.

Bruce had caught him, Bruce knew what to do.

He was twisting them in the air, firing the grapple line in the same move.

The line pulls taut, yanking them upwards /hard/. He hears Bruce grunt at the impact on his shoulder.

It still wasn’t enough, they slam into the ground, with just enough momentum taken out if it so that the fall doesn’t seriously injure them.

Bruce takes the brunt of it, covering Jason with his body, his free arm covering Jason’s head.

Bruce groans, body twisting under Jason.

This is Jason’s fault.

Bruce is hurting because of him.

First Dick and Damian, now Bruce. Jason hurts everything and everyone around him.

He needs to leave. /Now/.

He shoves himself up, forcing heavy limbs to work, and stumbles off of Bruce.

He can hear the alarmed shout and Bruce scrambling to get up, but he doesn’t stop.

He /can’t/ stop.

He doesn’t make it far, his legs give out and he collapses back to the pavement. He can’t help the way he curls up, trying to force himself back to his feet and ultimately failing.

Heavy arms encircle him, propping him upright against a broad chest.

Bruce’s fingers find his hair, stroking through it soothingly. Jason’s muscles are tense, he sits rigidly in Bruce’s arms.

It shouldn’t be comfortable, and yet it is. It’s the most comfortable Jason’s felt in a /long/ time.

“I got you, you’re safe now. Everything we’ll be ok, we’re going to go home.”

Home.

Does he have a home? It sounds nice. He finds himself relaxing, slowly intending his muscles, breathing finally evening out.

An indeterminate amount of time later, Jason is bundled into the Batmobile. Bruce never lets him go, setting the autopilot and then holding him tight the whole way back.

He’s starting to come back to himself when they pull into the cave. He can’t bring himself to worry about what that means, what his punishment will be for screwing the mission up and almost costing Dick and Damian’s lives.

Aforementioned brothers are pacing the cave when Bruce pulls him out of the car. Well, Damian is pacing and it looks like Dick is following him and trying to herd him upstairs.

“—just wait upstairs! B will bring Jason up eventually!”

Damian is ignoring Dick, and is the first to notice their arrival. The kid has one arm in a sling, and a couple visible cuts and bruises, but otherwise appears fine.

Dick is outwardly limping, his posture slumped as if compensating for broken ribs.

Jason can’t see the burns, but he knows they’re there. Because of him.

“You /both/ should be resting upstairs. It’s been a tough night.” Bruce cuts in from his position next to Jason. He’d been guiding Jason towards the med bay, keeping him close.

“C’mon, B, did you really think we’d listen? The only reason the others aren’t down here is because Alfred put his foot down.”

Bruce settles Jason on the cot, and Jason slumps forward to rest his head on Bruce’s chest. Now that the adrenaline has bled out of him, he’s just /tired/.

“Hey, Jaylad, just a little longer, ok? I need to get your armor off.” Jason grumbles his assent, but makes no move to help. Bruce finds the latches on his chest piece, jacket ditched a while ago—maybe in the car? Jason’s not quite sure—and slips it off. It’s followed by his guns, which are unloaded and put safely into his locker.

Bruce feels along his ribs and chest, asking Jason to take a couple breaths as he does so.

Jason follows all the orders mindlessly, anything to get him closer to sleeping.

Eventually, Bruce finishes his check up and hesitates, “I need to go change, lad, will you be alright here?”

“Mmph.”

There’s a sigh from above him, and Bruce’s fingers return to his hair.

“It won’t take long, I promise.”

Hands—Damian’s one good hand, both of Dick’s, he guesses—and towards the wall. He’s dimly aware of Bruce stepping away, and one of them helps him change out of his uniform pants and into sweats, leaving. When that’s done, Damian and Dick slip into place on the table next to him, holding him tight.

“Akhi?”

Jason hums his acknowledgment, but can’t bring himself to actually speak. He knows he should be embarrassed at showing this much weakness to his baby brother, but he can’t help it. He’s barely in control of his body, and he feels like Atlas, weighed down by an impossible burden.

Or maybe Sisyphus is the better analogy.

He’s been working nonstop to redeem himself, prove himself worthy, until his body gave out, like Sisyphus pushing the rock uphill for eternity, always a battle, a struggle, he can never win.

But maybe it’ll be different for Jason? Maybe this can change. Maybe he can accept help, maybe his family /does/ want him.

Dick’s fingers slide through his hair, Damian’s hand is at his back, rubbing soothing circles. One of them is humming, and he doesn’t know which.

Eventually—Jason’s unsure how much time has passed—Bruce shows back up in front of them, dressed in loose sweatpants and a soft t-shirt.

“Come on, Akhi, come with us.” Damian’s voice is soft and coaxing, he and Dick guide Jason off the table and towards the elevator. Bruce is close at their backs, and Jason leans heavily on Dick.

Jason is only dimly aware of being led through the manor, pausing briefly at the heavy oak door leading to Bruce’s room.

The rest of his siblings are all there, Tim, Steph, Cass, all curled up in the bed. Cass sits up and blinks owlishly, tilting her head as she takes in Jason’s body language. He fidgets under the scrutiny, and Damian still tugs him forward.

Cass’ face softens at whatever she sees, and reaches out her hand. He takes it, and they all climb in the bed.

After some maneuvering, and careful jostling of Tim and Steph, Jason is situated in the middle of the pile, with Bruce at his back holding him securely. Damian fits himself between Jason and Tim, and Dick between Damian and Tim.

This is even better than being held earlier, now there’s no hard armor digging into him.

He can hear soft murmuring, but surely it’s not important. Not when he’s so tired, and wholly safe for the first time in years.

Nothing is quite fixed, yet it feels like it might be able to be fixed.

Whatever happens later, right now Jason is safe.

Without anything else stopping him, Jason finally lets Morpheus pull him under, dropping into the comforting darkness.

[bokettochild]

forgot about this for awhile, but if you remember that post you made about how the chain would react if legend lost his memory? i’m not sure if you really talked about it a lot, but wild was one of the ones who embraced the “new” legend with no memories and was broken up about the fact that people wanted the original legend back because that would mean the same about him. so i was wondering what wild thought about the legend without his memories, like did he miss the original legend at all? or was he just feeling a lot of emotions because he saw himself in the same situation? (hope this made sense btw, have a great day too!!)

This post?

Honestly, I think Wild would have a difficult time with it just like everyone else. He misses the old Legend, and sometimes even the bitterness because Legend got it.

One thing none of the heroes can deny is that no matter the circumstances, Legend would understand your pain, your struggles, so while he wasn't always obvious about it, he was always there for them. Losing that, because now Legend doesn't have the memories to help him understand their hurts, is hard. Sure, this new version of Legend is a total empath, and he cares, and he does listen, attentively so, but it's missing that harshness to his manner that they're all used to.

I think for Wild though, he sees so much of himself in the vet now, maybe he's just projecting his struggles, he does wonder about that, but he does get it. He misses old Legend, but he's also eager to embrace this new version of his brother because that's what he would want if he could meet the people of his past again. Whenever he starts thinking too hard about the changes and about what he misses, it's not uncommon for Legend to pick up on it and ask him what's wrong. Unlike the others though, he has no issue telling Legend about who he was before, and without fail, talking about it helps him because Legend may have changed in some ways, but he still likes making fun of idiots, of which he counts himself as one, and they can laugh about him sometimes, or just talk about things, which leads to helping the vet figure out more about who he once was, which is good for both.

I think Wild finds some healing of his own in helping someone else through his struggles, and also having someone who now knows exactly what he goes through all of the time. Sure, he does miss the old vet sometimes, but unlike the others, it's easier for him to understand that Legend is still the same person, just changed, and he's nothing if not good at adapting to change. He doesn't bottle up his feelings about Legend like the others, and they work to process the change together, so they both kind of grow around that hurt and loss while the others struggle with it.

So, I'd say he does miss the old Legend, and he does project a lot, but I think he handles the situation really well all things considered. He does have moments where he just super misses Old Legend, but then Legend will purposefully start acting like an ass to try and simulate how he once was and the champion just ends up laugh crying at it. I think he mourns the loss of who his brother was, and comes to understand Zelda and Impa and the others better, but generally speaking he heals and moves on.

Hence why, if Legend did get all his memories back and return to his old self, Wild takes it so badly. All that growth and change and healing feels like it's being thrown back in his face and maybe wasn't worth anything after all, maybe was a lie? Was pointless? He can't hate Legend for it (is a bit jealous actually) but man does it suck! And he just lost Legend again? The Legend he actually got to know and bonded so much with? Like, sure, Legend wouldn't forget everything that happened while his memories were gone, but he's still different from the kid they got to know, and while he probably does try and help Wild with it, the rest of the heroes aren't really helping the champion's situation with how eagerly they accept this. Because it would take so much longer for them to heal and Legend coming back would mean they don't have to continue that journey, especially since they were still struggling with the first steps.

For the heroes, it's like setting out on a long walk because your car broke down, only for a friend to drive up and offer a ride.

Meanwhile, for Wild, it's like being dropped out of a plane right back at the start of the path, right after he made it to the end.

[davekat-sucks]

If there's one thing i don't like about this fandom it's how much they make the kids more meaner? Villainizing? Than they actually are. Don't get me wrong, they have done a lot of bad but like these characters are FRIENDS. They do genuinely care about eachother in the end they aren't cold hearted and revel in other's suffering, they aren't Caliborn or Vriska afterall. I think they read the comic wrong, the kids were willing to sacrifice their own lives for eachother, a prime example of this was Daves conversation with doomed Rose. I blame the spaceship meteor part of the story for ruining the characters. Like everyone acted so ooc? Why were Jade and Davesprite giving John such a hard time about his dad die dying? Both of them literally had to watch their guardians die in front of them, you'd think they'd be the most sympathetic here? Or how Dave and Karkat, characters who will go through lengths to protect their friends just fucking stand there as everyone else tears themselves or eachother apart? Karkat is an ass yes but this was the same guy who was crying his heart out when he saw Solluxs dead body when in game or how he told Aradia bot that he would've tried to get her back to life if it weren't for other circumstances. Why was everyone being so uncaring at this part? It didn't feel right. The alpha kids got it the WORST, from bad writing to fandom treatment. I remember back in the day seeing stuff where Dirk was just down right mean to Jane "hahaha sucks to be you Jake is mine fat bitch". There was even a little bit of this aggressiveness in House of Dirk, now i do find that story fun but the small part where he calls Jane "xenophobic", bothered me. Like he would NOT say that to her. Have you seen how he speaks to her? "If you ever need help, Jane. If you're ever in any trouble at all. Let me know. Just say the word." Same guy who built a robot to protect her life and pretty much wrote an entire book for her, i think Dirk cares about Jane guys. This fandom and comic is so mean to Jane, as funny as i thought it was that Caliborn called her a fat fucking pig and cow, she really just became a punching box at that point. They'll shit on her because she's a woman getting in the way of the gay men. The ONLY thing people get from her as a character is that she's fat, because Caliborn said so along with a bunch of other things. Jake, poor Jake, gets sexualized by everyone he knows and had to burn his Grandmothers body right in front of him. But according to fans HE'S the asshole here because he cant communicate properly. Gee i wonder why. Roxy gets put on a fucking pedestal by the comic and fans, super extra special treatment. Ignore how she sexually harasses Dirk or almost killed Jane, no she's incapable of doing wrong, isn't that right Calliope? Yes, Roxy should be the new leader AND kill the Condescension yes. Now i never finished reading the epilogues because why would i? I'm probably missing a lot if we're taking them into consideration but not taking it into consideration because my point still stands because thats how the fandom treated them even before those came out. And even when talking about the base comic i still see those attitudes.

These characters DO have their personal problems but when people talk about they insert angst where it doesn't exist for favor of projection and i hate how common its become.

If people claim it is just cynicism that comes with growing up, there's clearly a difference between being cynicism, nihilism, and being a straight up asshole. If people say it is Dave and Karkat's depression is the reason why they stand around doing nothing as Rose becomes alcoholic and Terezi gets abused by Gamzee, it's sure strange they got over their depression right as VRISKA comes in to solve everything and those two bastards act like nothing had happened. Everything by Act 6 and Post Retcon just made all the characters worse. They have become an empty shell of who they used to be. The bleak outlook has become a theme for current Homestuck. It's been like this for Epilogues and Homestuck^2 too. I don't know if James Roach and HICU can really save the franchise and get out of all the characters having this negative light. Andrew Hussie and WhatPumpkin has shoved this jaded feeling right in the audience's faces that it's become the norm to expect the worse. Readers expect characters being assholes and more depression, they will receive it because Hussie and WhatPumpkin made it so.

[lover-of-whatever]

Fandom AUs do tend to lean towards not engaging with the material so much as treating it as a mere prompt to slap any aesthetic on. Swap AUs have become infamous for changing characters into something completely unrecognizable, but I don't think the Au is an inherently bad idea. I think Swap Au's are at their best when the two characters in question are already narrative foils and come from similar backgrounds/can easily be put in the same situation as the other.

My favorite example is kinda cheating because there is kinda basis in canon for it, but it's from one of Don't Starve Together's skin sets, called The Triumphant. The context for it is that upon being placed on the throne that controls the world of DS, you become a pawn for "Them" and they warp you into a worse version of yourself. But it's okay, you get a cool goth outfit and magic powers. Every character gets a super evil version of themselves, all but Maxwell. Maxwell as a playable character had already spent years as an evil pawn, before that he was the timid and dweebish William Carter. His time hanging out with/being used by some weird shadow shit straight up had him take on a new identity. Default Maxwell is already "Triumphant", so in order to have a skin in the set he is instead reverted back to William and literally dubbed "The Untriumphant". This is literally a Swap AU but instead of two people it's Maxwell swapping with everyone else out to kill him lmao. That in of itself is hilarious and more Swap Aus should do that actually, but that's not the example I'm going for.

Wilson is the kinda protagonist of the series, poster boy is more accurate, but he has the most involvement in the narrative for a playable character. As a result the official narrative of the game is that it was Wilson at the end of the first game that freed Maxwell from his throne and took his place. While their roles as protag and antag are loose, esp since Max is no longer the main antagonist but another guy just a part of the ensemble, they were written to have reasons to hate each outside of circumstance. While neither would admit it, they are very alike. Both are stubborn and insist on being gentlemanly, but are ultimately just massive dorks. Maxwell more the former and Wilson the latter, but Max is still subject to the butt of jokes by the rest of the cast and Wilson is literally called "The Gentleman Scientist". Both had ambitions in their respective fields but sucked at them, and when in a moment of desperation They took advantage of their desire's and offered them a trade. Max/William practices magic and Wilson science, and each insist that their. Methods let's call them is superior to the other. Their fighting is ultimately pointless, the world they live in is capable of both. They may be able to come to an agreement if they were to admit they both really wanted the same thing, knowledge. Knowledge is what drives the game; you may die and no longer have the tools of the previous sessions, but you have your memory. You can learn from your mistakes and get progress. Wilson isn't GREAT at science, but the mc/posterboy/protag is a scientist for a reason, he's as curious as the player is.

The main difference between the two is that William didn't get full understanding, his magic in the real world was all just a performance using something he didn't fully understand. He literally faked it so hard he became his persona. The extent that Wilson understands his knowledge isn't clear, but in his circumstance he has to use that to survive an environment out to kill him. When Maxwell is freed and has to live in that same environment, he does the same.

How much of Maxwell is William and how much is the result of Them? The extent of Them's influence isn't clear, but what is clear is that Maxwell would not have come into existence without Them. Every cast member has the potential to become Triumphant, not just from the potential to do evil in everyone but because They would enable that evil. Wilson's Triumphant skin is even a bloody three piece suit like Max's for Pete's sake. Wilson literally would of looked like Maxwell after taking his place. To swap the two would be to explore the worst aspects of Wilson, and William as his own character with less Them influence. What about their dynamic changes now Wilson is the one with more power? How then would they view each other? Would they still have that iconic slap fight gif or is William nicer/weaker than that?

I think it's neat :)

[mirikitakato]

[Translation] Banquet for the Scarlet Flower Dyed in Darkness: Episode 5

Ivan: ......Jessica's life is at stake, I can’t afford to rest. I’m the one asked for help in the first place, so I can't leave it all to you. I may not be able to do much, but... I still want to do what I can.

Heathcliff: Ivan...

Riquet: I remember! I brought honey cookies for a snack. Everyone, also Ivan, please have some. Let's give a few to Jessica as well. Even a wizard would have a hard time only eating nectar. I'm sure she'll be able to eat something by tomorrow morning.

Ivan: Honey cookies...

Riquet: Something wrong with honey cookies?

Ivan: Oh, no, this reminds me Jessica likes them. This village is remote, but it's famous for its honey because there are many flowers.

Heathcliff: By any chance, you mean honey made from Oz flower’s nectar? Isn’t the flower poisonous?

Ivan: The poison is only in the roots, so the nectar is harmless. The taste is so rich that would make people want to keep eating it. But...thank you, Jessica will surely be happy too.

Riquet: You're welcome, eating what you like gives you energy.

Ivan: ......You all are so kind. I thought I would feel scared of wizards because of Lord Oz’s legend. But you all have been nothing but kind to me since yesterday. Jessica too...I guess wizards aren’t that different from ordinary humans.

Arthur: Lord Oz is like that too. He's no different from us. He's kind and generous, and he makes mistakes like anyone else. For example, when I was a child, I asked him to make pancakes for me, but he didn't cook them well and burned them.

Ivan: Lord Oz…made pancakes...and b-burned them?

Riquet: He is good at making them now. He even draws pictures on them.

Lennox: Cain also said he got a cute drawing of a rabbit on his pancake.

Heathcliff: I was also really surprised when I first heard Lord Oz draws on pancakes.... He's also created illustrated textbooks that are easy for Riquet to understand, since he is studying reading and writing.

Arthur: Yes, he has done that too. It was really fun to draw pictures together.

Riquet: If there are things couldn't be conveyed through pictures alone, he would use magic to make them move. I'm still studying from that book.

Lennox: I once drank with Lord Oz at a bar.

Ivan: Lord Oz went to a bar…!?

Lennox: That time, it seemed he concerned about me throwing myself into danger without regard for my own well-being. He's a kind person.

Ivan: ......

Arthur: Does it surprise you that a Demon Lord would act like a normal person? But it’s also one of Lord Oz’s appearance. His immense power often leads to misunderstandings. Whispers and myths distort the truth, painting him as something entirely different. I think...the flower that blooms in the forest is similar.

Heathcliff: …With its size and beauty, that flower is worthy of being named after Lord Oz. The stories passed down likely contain a variety of circumstances or reasons behind them.

Ivan: You’re right... It’s such a strange rumor that a simple flower likes to suck human blood and life force. Maybe we, and our ancestors who have lived near here for generations, misunderstand the flower because of the name "Demon Lord Oz"...

Arthur: ...... "Oz" is a precious flower to me too. My journey with Lord Oz in pursuit of that flower was unlike anything I'd ever known. The world stretched out below us in a kaleidoscope of sights, each day brimming with the unexpected. It was only for a few days, but it felt like we were having an adventure all over the world together.

Heathcliff: ...... I'm sure Lord Oz felt the same way as Prince Arthur. Given the widespread recognition of Lord Oz's name, clearing up all misunderstandings may prove challenging…but perhaps, we can begin to untangle the smaller grievances over time. I hope this will be the first step towards a positive outcome.

Arthur: Thank you, Heathcliff.

Ivan: ......

Lennox: That pendant is also made by a wizard.

Heathcliff: A protective spell is cast on it. Did Jessica give it to you?

Ivan: This... Jessica gave it to me as an amulet before I left. I see, so it's a protective spell... That's why I was able to travel such a long distance safely...

Arthur: The two of you get along well.

Riquet: Hehe, Ivan loves Jessica.

Ivan: Eh?! Wh-what are you saying all of a sudden...?

Riquet: You had a very kind expression just now. It feels great when the person you love cherishes you back.

Ivan: No, no, no, it's not like that...Jessica and I grew up like siblings because we live close by. Her parents are not around, and my parents were often away from home because of work, so we practically lived together. Jessica can be a bit of an airhead sometimes. There are times I can't tell which one of us is older…

Riquet: ......So you treasure Jessica like she's family? Isn't that loving someone?

Ivan: Ah, you mean in that way...

Lennox: Haha, I'm sure Jessica loves you just as much. The protective spell cast on the pendant seems to be filled with a lot of heart. Wizards use magic with their hearts. So I can feel a warm heart in that pendant too.

Heathcliff: I see. A warm and strong heart. ......But the protective power is a little weak, though.

Ivan: I-is that so?

Heathcliff: Perhaps it's the effect of time passing, but...it’s definitely also because it's been protecting you with all its might. If it's okay with you, can I fix it? Jessica's magic will remain unaffected, of course.

Ivan: Ah, thank you, if you don’t mind…

Heathcliff: 《Repsev Aivulp Sunos》

Ivan: Wow... it appears even shinier somehow.

Heathcliff: ......Something important given by a precious person, who has grown up with you since childhood, huh…

Ivan: Huh?

Heathcliff: No, it’s nothing… ...Let's pray together that we can get through tonight safely. With Lord Oz and Teacher Faust around, I'm sure we'll be fine. We'll help as much as we can too.

[Scene changes]

After parting with everyone who are in charge of investigating the documents in the village, we are walking along the path that leads into the forest.

Shino: Exactly as Ivan said, the flowers become denser and denser the further we go.

Murr: The air is getting thicker too! The flowers are swaying and moving, like we're being invited into the forest.

Faust: If you were human, you would naturally stop because you could sense the danger. Well, no one is living here to begin with…

Akira: Speaking of which, "Oz" is poisonous, right? Ms. Jessica said she can only eat its nectar for now. Would her body be okay?

Faust: Only the root is poisonous. She’s probably fine as long as she only eats the nectar, but...

Faust stops speaking and looks at the forest, raising the brim of his hat slightly.

Faust: …I can sense an aura similar to the flower in the pot. As I thought, the reason these flowers are discolored is probably due to the miasma floating around the forest. Although the details are still unclear, the bottom line is that Jessica, who ate the miasma-tainted nectar, is now only able to eat it.

Murr: And there are twisted beings lurking in this forest like the undead! Was she seduced by “the source”? Or was she driven by it? In any case, she is now under a curse of sorts.

Shino: So, the flower itself doesn't want life force or sacrifices.

Akira: According to Jessica's dream, the source of this miasma lies deeper within the forest, at the very location where she saw a field of Oz flowers. The closer I get, the heavier the air becomes, like I was being pressed down by something…

Oz: 《Vox Nox》

Oz, who is standing by, recited a spell. A wave of warmth washes over me, instantly calming the tremors of anxiety and cold that have gripped my hands.

Oz: The miasma can’t kill us, but it's not something a human can withstand for long. If you're not feeling well, let me know.

Akira: Oz... thank you.

As we walk through the forest, the trees thicken, casting a night-like darkness despite the late afternoon hour. The canopy overhead blocks out the sky.

Shino: Oz, you traveled with Arthur to find this flower. Did you come here before?

Oz: No, we found it in the North. The ground was covered in snow, and there were fewer flowers in bloom.

Murr: What kind of journey was it? What brought Oz, who had confined himself in his castle for over a thousand years, out of the castle? Why did you think of looking for “Oz” flower? Did you become interested in the flower that bears your name? Or did you just want to show it to Arthur?

I meet Oz's eyes briefly as he turns his head away to avoid Murr's curious gaze. I’m also interested in the story of his journey. Oz realizes the unspoken curiosity in my eyes and slowly turns his gaze to a flower blooming nearby.

Oz: ...It was Arthur who brought it up. He was a child who wanted to know everything. There was nothing special about the trip itself. It was just a trip to find a flower, and we found it, but...

Looking into the distance, he speaks softly and slowly, as if trying to pull up past memories from that beautiful and large flower.

Oz: When Arthur was a child, the twins gave him a storybook telling a legend of this flower. Arthur was happy that it had the same name as me. He wanted to see it with his own eyes, so he held this book, came to me on a broom and said: "Let's go see the Oz flower together!"

Listening to Oz’s gentle voice, a smile tugs at my lips. I envision the image of little Arthur, whose face flushed with excitement, gripping a broom in his hand.

Akira: Sounds so cute... So, you guys went to find the flowers by riding brooms?

Oz: Yes.

Episode 4 | Episode 6

[petewentzisblack1312]

Dif anon

I'll be honest, I didn't have any inkling he was anything but white until I found your blog recently. I had been a fan for two years and seen all the youtube interviews at that point. This is coming from a close to white, but not quite white hispanic person./gen

ive talked a lot about this but theres a lot of forces contributing to this. pictures make him look lighter, people just assume that since hes emo hes white, interviewers stopped asking about it when he wouldnt let them peg him as a sob story (you see this bait a few times in early interviews, right before/around them getting big, theyd be like aw was it hard being the only black kid in your neighbourhood :((((( and hed be like i guess but my band rules lets talk about that). besides that theres this sort of expansion of the definition of white passing thats happened, like lightskin people of colour with visible ethnic features will be called ambiguous or whitepassing and they straight up are not. like avan jogia is another example of someone who was whitewashed by media when hes south east asian. its an assimilation thing. if you look at petes features he has a wide mouth and broad nose and his skin is visibly darker than everyone else in the band, even when its at its lightest* like he is light skin and he is whitepassing in this cultural moment due to a lot of factors directly relating to the alternative scene and broadly relating to culture at the time of fall out boy gaining fame but he got a lot of racial slurs thrown at him back in the hardcore scene and there is at least one instance of a guy trying out for fob and asking 'what is pete. is he black or white or mixed or what.' like back in the hardcore scene it was not a secret. hell everyone knew his mom. and his sister does NOT pass at all. i feel for her by the way having 2 lightskin brothers and one is pete wentz that has to suck. id kill him with rocks.

*as an aside i should note thats another contributing factor, he appears lighter for longer, this is something ive noticed happen when people become wealthier because they dont have to spend as much time in the sun, it happens to any black person when theyre in the sun less. here in the caribbean whenever people go on vacation to america or canada or england the first thing people say when they get back is that they "got white" because their skin has lightened from less sunlight and a persons summer skin shade is going to be darker than their winter skin shade regardless of their race, but it is often very noticeable with black people. i saw a post from someone on this site of a picture of them in summer and then in winter and in winter they straight up looked lightskin while in summer they were midtoned. white balance and exposure may have contributed but my point is skin shade varies depending on a lot of circumstances. you notice a difference during summer tours.

[girlwithteeth]

I really wanted to like Gundam Witch but I feel like it really drops the ball so hard. Like, there's a lot of cool setup in the first season to talk about how fucked up the adults in this setting are treating children- every single kid in the privileged private school for rich kids is being made to be involved in things like war profiteering and the central conceit of the whole dueling apparatus is straight up military training. The thin veneer of respectable detachment is lifted and we see where that was always going to lead - there's an attack by child soldiers as a completely mercenary operation that leads to several people dying pretty brutally in front of one of our leads. In one episode a kid gets completely fucking disappeared and replaced with a look-alike for not going along with the corporation's plan.

The whole second half of the show's main plot revolves around a plot to use a doomsday weapon. The main character work happening is around a new diplomatic angle (there was always wheeling and dealing, but it was shady back room stuff where you know they are talking about shit that is immoral as hell and the second arc has, like, diplomatic representatives from world governments and tries to paint that as squeaky clean in contrast), a kidnapped heir learning that the mercenary children are real people who have tragic circumstances, the supporting cast dealing with PTSD from the attack, and a double agent for another company in their midst feeling remorse because she had been manipulated into being a double agent. It's a fucking BINGO of tropes and it's all so surface level!!!!

Why did they bother to rip away the curtain and show these kids how closely tied to war their whole lives had been, what that really meant in the cost of human lives? Why did they set themselves up for the drama of that and then ignore their own thing that they did for most of the cast? The whole fucking point of the ending to the first season is that Suletta is a child soldier more in the vein of the mercenaries than the trust fund kids who had been protected from the reality of their world by the system that they lived in, right? It's a nice cliffhanger that sets up a rejection of that reality that could be conceptualized in different ways as the main driving force behind the emotions of our cast!

And I kind of get why they went the way that they did. In the new frame of reality for our cast Suletta is no longer the outsider who doesn't understand things, it's everyone else. And they keep her mostly the same, because she was actually aware of this reality the whole time. It's supposed to be a twist in that it wants us to re-contextualize her behavior. But, the writing doesn't want Suletta to come across as fucked up or traumatized, because she has to be 'good' in opposition to the traumatized child soldiers who are 'bad'. So everyone just says "Wow Suletta I can't believe you are still helping people and acting cheery after the violence. The violence made me sad." and she says, "Well, I want to help people!" and the lesson is that everyone tries to be like Suletta and help people.

It's like the show describes coping mechanisms for the incredible trauma happening and says that one is morally right and the other is morally wrong and believes it. It smooths out a lot of interesting wrinkles to believe it.

It's just... really frustrating.

And!!! It's, like, barely gay at all!!!! Yes, technically Miorine and Suletta are a gay couple, but there is so little affection. They literally run away from it and the show wants to have it's tension so bad that it just kind of skips over the part where they have any drama by not having them talk to each other for a while. And then they are together in the end.

They don't even fucking kiss. Sucks ass.

[aprilsadviceaskblog]

I'll try not to dump too much, also I hope you are doing well!! You help so many people, I hope you know how much good you've done :)

Sorry if this is too much or if it isn't something you want to answer. No pressure. Also could you tag this with "nightingale anon"? Thanks for your time and any advice :)

I grew up in foster care and there was a lot of shit that happened ranging from neglect to murder attempts and a bunch of stuff, and my adoptive mother I'm pretty sure is schizophrenic? And may or may not run a cult (it's complicated).

I have a friend that I've been getting closer with because we became roommates and she opened up about stuff and I did too, but after living together (2 other roommates too) for a few months she finally told me she doesn't like if I mention anything about my past and that she finds my life disturbing and extremely uncomfortable.

This happened after a series of miscommunication where I thought she wanted me to elaborate and she just would stare at me?? And she said that staring apparently is concern?? She also greatly misunderstood me coming out as ace (she talks a ton about her sexuality. She has little filter) and ended up comparing me to Jeffrey Dahmer because of it -_-

We've come to an "agreement" where I just w6ont mention anything personal or my life but she still overshare a ton. I know my experiences are pretty extreme compared to a life without trauma, but it sucks to have confirmation that I just.. can't talk to anyone about anything in my life because it's too disturbing or sad. So many things talk about having a support network but I literally cannot have one because even a tiny bit of stuff is too much and if I think I'm close to someone and try to talk (asking if they're okay with it first) they end up distancing from me because of it.

Is it bad that it kinda hurts? Like I guess sometimes it sucks being reminded that I'll never have actual friends (not acquaintances) or family or anything that other people seem to have. I know I should just accept that because of who I am and my life circumstances I'll never have a support network of any kind or even long lasting friends, but sometimes I'm not very good at accepting that.

I know ""everyone deserves family"" but with my life my experiences are so vastly different that i struggle to relate with anyone and no one has ever related to me, or wants to.

I also can't afford a therapist or anything. My job is online and because I graduated early (all online) there's no easy way of making friends either. I feel like I squandered any chance at making friends growing up because I focused too much on surviving.

Hi anon,

This sounds complicated and I’m sad for you.

First of all, you’re absolutely allowed to feel hurt. And if I can just be blunt, your roommate is being shitty. While it’s valid to have boundaries, I’m not a fan of when people make things unequal to that extreme.

It’s complicated because people are allowed to have boundaries, but try and be mindful that these don’t end up leaving the relationship “unfair”.

My friend and I were talking about this the other day where she knew someone who had hard boundaries and always looked out for herself and wouldn’t inconvenience herself for anyone. Not romantic partners, best friends or anyone. Which is super valid and her choice but the problem is she expected everyone else to go above and beyond for her. I think at that point, things become unfair. And that’s a similar impression to what I get here.

I struggle with making friends. I always have. Both my last two relationships were people I met online. (On Tumblr actually). And my friend of 12 years I just met for the first time in person last week (I met her on FanFiction.net originally and she got me into tumblr). What I’m trying to say is that I’ve been able to have fulfilling friendships online and found it easier to find people with similar interests. Before I met my friend of 12 years, I still found our friendship fulfilling and something I loved about my life. I also have a couple other online friends that I enjoy having relationships with. We send dog pics, and offer support.

It’s not easy, and some people end up disappointing, but I do think it’s possible to make friends.

It is allowed to hurt. And you are allowed to grieve for what you don’t have. You’re allowed to feel these things. These feelings are so valid. And I’m definitely not trying to tell you what to do but I don’t think it’s hopeless.

Could you try finding a support group online? Or even just a space to talk about your interests to meet other like minded people?

[romanken]

8, 10 + 2 if you're feeling heinous 😈 24 if ur not 😇

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

well MY special little noble is actually the most inherently just and pure of heart and when they win the throne there will be a thousand years of peace. Wdym inherent violence of feudalism that's not real. And while there has been a downtrend in this belief throughout the last five years it HAS influenced a lot of other discource subtly... most people have realized that the way to start fixing westeros's problems is not thru a nice feudal monarch, but they dont understand that abandoning this framework for character/plot analysis also means abandoning a lot of other framework. In the arya v sansa wars people still use feudal patriarchal definitions of femininity to decide who is the Best Sexy Feminist (preteen girl). In debates about morality for certain actions people excuse things because it aligns with the feudal code of ethics- a deeply flawed and violent code. See: ned HAD to take theon hostage because well we live in a society. Like i think it's important not to hold characters to the same moral standards that we hold people in modern times to, because their circumstances are so wildly different, but we dont have to adhere to THEIR feudal values when analyzing them because its only a detriment to their characters. They live in a society but WE do not... cmon guys...

10. Worst part of fanon

no one fucking draws these characters ugly enough. Asoiaf fandom has a plague of sameface ig model syndrome and it sucks cause george puts so much distinct personality even in minor characters and then people are like hmmmmm what if they had the same button nose and good chin that everyone else has. Brienne is ugly let her be ugly!!! Arya and jon have long plain faces u dont have to draw the teen/preteen kids as super defined and striking! Let the kids look like kids. I don't care how beautiful dany is let her be a 15 yr old. OR the instinct to make everyone best friends forever and soften the complicated dynamics btwn these characters. like modern aus where the starks are the benevolent rich people who adopted theon from his abusive trailer park family grind my gears like hes a child hostage from a powerful noble house and u cant erase such a defining part of his character bc you want everyone to be nice to each other. Also related to this is people making jaime nice/acting like asos was a redemption arc or that he didnt commit some uniquely horrific acts in agot/acok. His actions thru out the last two books are not the acts of a changed man they are the acts of a man who realized he can make choices based on empathy and reason not instinct. LAST thing which is something i dont reaaaaally see here much but i know the cunts on ao3 are doing it: the post canon thing where people want brienne and jaime to get married and have twelve kids. Fuck you eat shit and die brienne is not an incubator especially not for that lannister SLAG

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

cersei is not necessarily my fave but shes a character whose sexuality i often think of. In canon the only time she's had sex with a woman she's topped and every time she fucks a dude she's disassociating so hard shes on another planet. Even when fucking jaime shes like imagining herself in his body fucking him in her body. In the bulldyke cersei universe he's stone. The pants stay on during sex and so does the shirt and probably also the shoes. Cis gay guy cersei universe he already thinks being gay is emasculating enough so obviously he's not going to let anyone penetrate him. Transmasc bi universe its like you've never been strapped until you've been strapped by a dude who's never cum once in his whole life. THANK YOU!

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

"Daenerys is basically george bush because she uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh well its a post 9/11 metaphor and uhhh well astapor is basically iraq and uhhhhh nuclear arms" "dany has never done anything wrong in her life and criticizing her means uhhhhh you hate women and abuse victims" "dany is a RAPIST and a RACIST and wants ALL BROWN PEOPLE TO BE SUBSERVIENT TO HER" "mirri maz duur deserved to die horribly for killing (checks notes) her enslaver" "dany is a colonizer (that's not what that word means. you need to look up what that word means)" brothers. Lets all link arms and kill ourselves

Jesus Christ this is long as hell. Sorry I got a lot of beef

[fortunesrevolver]

So... life sucks right now.

Not only is my disability application still pending (November will be month 10 since I applied. Isn't waiting for the government to process things FUN?) But life is just... hard. And complicated.

My dad is currently going through ECT treatment because he's very resistant to medication for his depression. If you don't know what that is... honestly, I just snatched this summary from Google because I don't have the mental spoons to break it down right now:

Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT for short) is a treatment that involves sending an electric current through your brain. This causes a brief surge of electrical activity within your brain (also known as a seizure). The aim is to relieve severe symptoms of some mental health problems.

It's honestly not an uncommon treatment, and apparently a very successful and common one for patients who, like my dad, are resistant to medication.

The issue is, one of the side effects for this are memory loss. So right now, dad can't work. And his memory is just... awful right now. He's forgetting a lot of things from the past few months (let alone past few days or weeks) and it's just... a mess. Mom and I are doing the best we can to keep it together and keep things going... Taking him to his appointments (that are god-awful early in the morning) making sure someone is always home with him...

But it's hard. It's hard when he took on so many responsibilities like submitting payments for bills and such on his own and always assured us he had it when we offered to help.

To be clear, my dad is not at all a bad or controlling person. He just took pride in being able to take care of his family. It was one of the things he felt like he could control against his depression. Taking care of us was sort of his... anti-depression isn't the right word. But it's what kept him going. That's how he'd always explain it. We'd always just do whatever we could to support him and try to everything else easier for him. (Though in retrospect, I guess that's just how families are supposed to work. Taking care of each other as best you can.)

But right now it's so hard... He's not himself at all... and all of these symptoms can take up to 6 months to fully heal, and that's after treatment finishes (which has about... 2 weeks left, I think? It depends, really. There's a range and everyone is different.)

He's my dad and I love him a lot... but it's hard. It's hard to see him get confused or forget very basic things like the voice command for the lights he was so pleased with when he set up. Or watching a TV show one day and then immediately watching it again the day after because he doesn't remember watching it. Or that a bill set up for automatic payments will got through and he'll see it show up on the bank accounts he unconsciously remembers to check, but doesn't know what it's for, and then we scramble to not only make sure something wild didn't happen, but assure him everything is okay.

And, reading back over this post, it seems like such a small problem from an outside perspective. I'm barely touching the tip of the iceberg, but I know there's people out here that are dealing with similar circumstances ten-fold and probably handling it with way more grace than I am.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I try to help as best I can, but my dad has always been a bit of a stubborn man. Not cruelly stubborn, but stubborn about being the strong, independent one. And he can't do that right now... but he's still trying to.

I can only try to pick up whatever pieces I can with my mom and make things work as best we can.

But it's still a mess and complicated and I feel like I'm just a horrible daughter for venting like this.

[thesilverlady]

What do you think of Tyrion ? For me there are 2 of them. The book one and the show one. Show one I hate. Book one I kinda enjoy because he constantly flirts with darkness. I don’t buy show Tyrion poor misunderstood meow meow. And I hate that they did the same with show Aemond. That’s why I prefer Aegon and Daemon. From the beginning you know where they stand, there are no attempts to make them sympathetic bullshit. Stop whitewashing characters in order to make characters more sympathising for audience. The reason why the Joker, Soprano Family and Roy family from Succession are so great is because they aren’t portrayed as some poor people being victims of their circumstances all their life. Aemond wanting to console Jace at Driftmark? What the fuck is that? Also giving him sexual trauma made me laugh. The show made it clear I and everyone else is meant to feel sorry for him but I just laughed at how pathetic they are. Like you have weak Viserys, pedo Daemon, rapist and drunkard Aegon and traumatised and with only one eye Aemond. So yeah, the winner of who should be the fan favourite is clear. Instead of showing the 4 of them as bad and letting people choose who their favourite is, they create 3 of them in unsympathetic light and make one of them #1 victim and the other 3 as monsters or weak men. Sorry but I hate the narrative where I am being shown down my throat who I am supposed to love and who to hate. Especially if 3 out of 4 characters are doing terrible things and only one behaves properly until starting the war. I really can’t wait for Aemond to burn Riverlands, most stans would leave his fanclub and began to see Aegon is not the worst guy out there. I just hope TGC won’t stop playing Aegon until the moment Aemond will show everyone what a legit psycho he really is. And tbh Aemond was my favourite green character in the book but the forced victimisation and the way the fandom act as if aemond is the most opressed character and "feminist" to ever walk in westros when he is the targaryen ver of Andrew tate in reality has completely ruined my enjoyment of him

I don't really have anything to add. I agree with your complains for the most part. I think lots of shows nowadays are painfully censored, the writing has to be simple and the views have to be walked by the hand because they cannot make an intellectual conclusion on their own.

Dunno if you've watched this. But Hannibal nbc was one of my favorite shows of all time. An interesting adaption that was definitely very different from the book material but didn't try to pretend to be better. It was its own thing and was extremely controversial while it was airing due to the violence, themes, and overall subjects. It also remains very much loved despite the years that have passed with an ever so dedicated fanbase.

it seems hard to recreate shows like this. Even GoT's writing was starting to suffering way before the last two seasons but ofc people were trying to be optimistic and we still had hope that one day George might publish another book...

I loved Tyrion and still do in the books. His pov happens to be a favorite of mine, but the show version of him got very bad very fast. It's as you mentioned, there doesn't seem to be a balance about the characters who are supposed to be dark but also possess good traits. It's what makes them interesting in first place.

There's a very weird love for oversimplification in recent times and it kinda sucks out the joy ngl.

As for show aemond, I've ranted so much about him I'd probably repeat myself. I'd only advise to keep expectations low. S1 they managed to make him murdering Lucerys an accident 💀 I wouldn't be surprised if they try something similiar with the burning of Riverlands (perhaps another misunderstanding like the alicent x Viserys one?) who knows. we can only wait and see

[x31043]

I guess im just bothered that when youre born an called a woman youre then constantly told to shut upforever,but when the opposite is true youre constantly encouraged to speak up.Youre ridiculed for not doing it, but to me thats different than being hurt or even killed FOR doing it. That means that childhood sucks. Adolescence sucks. Youre really in a place of forced subservience for your whole existence. You have to break out of that so hard. Youre physically smaller. You are trained to ignore yourself until you are broken. You are trained to be something that someone uncaring will shove themselves in and take, take over. You are literally raised to be an object to be used and discarded. That is UNIVERSAL. I know some people epxerience that without being born & assigned women, but for those of us who are this is literally a universal experience. You are fucking made to be a fucking sex robot and a servant and an agreeable nodding nothing whose opinions dont matter and nothing else. You are TRAINED in social cues and spend your whole life noticing every little thing and forcibly keeping all your opinions inside. Everyone should be lifting our voices up!!! Trans people should be screaming up at the sky not at others to keep their voices down!!

This literally makes me want to scream. Women are not treated better than men. Why would trans men be treated better than trans women? Where are you seeing that, where??? They have SPECIFIC, DIFFERENT experienes and also many that are the same! Because its a fucking spectrum, remember that discourse? When youre trans it doesnt work all neatly in two categories like that. I look like a trans women. Many trans women look like me. Many of us are non-binary and our gender is basically the same regardless of how we were brought up. Why can you ask me my genitals now and if i dont answer i get canceled. what the FUCK is that. Why has it become like this. It started as “our experiences are different, we need a space to talk about the ways they are not the same.” and now its-- disclose whether youre dmab or dfab to be a good ally to trans women. We have to talk about it ALL THE TIME. WE have to go based off genital differences to determine how you are privileged or not. That’s not the fucking way to move our community forward or to connect as individulas. And Guess what?? Trans women don’t even want it!!!

TME is a term that trans women made for VERY SPECIFIC CIRCUMSTANCES. It can be applied to SPECIFIC CIRCUMSTANCES which require a very nuanced and exact language. I may be fucked up for saying this but There are times when trans mascs and butches face a speciifc, different type of transphobia to trans women, too. And they deserve a space to talk about it, too, while still DEFENDING trans fems from terfs. This seems fucking obvious to me. when its white ppl it all pales against transphobic racism anyway.

And that’s the long and short of it, bc trans women arent the ones I see taking about TME. They arent the ones actively claiming they have worse epxeriences with gender and dysphoria. Thats all like cute Nonbinary transmascs typically who are white telling me my experience was a lot easier than others in my community. And to me thats a part of this fucked up socialization--always talk youself down, and hold others like you accountable for reaching beyond their capacity. Other DFAB people telling me to shut up about my transness is fucking ironic in a way that doesn’t make me want to laugh. You were told to shut up your whole life, so now you’re going to put that on me?? Why are we doing this in the first place then?? WHy if not to reclaim the voice that was stolen from us?!

My genitals are thought of as absolutely inconceivable. The 20 pounds of weight on my chest is thought of as a dirty thing I literally need to press and constrain into tight and uncomfortable shapes or I will be violated when I go outside. Do you have any idea what that does to a kid?  I bet you know what it does to an adult. It’s a very similar experience! We need a space to talk about this without being called terfs or told to check our TME privilege. I am going to one day be a man with a beard in a dress. Whats not clicking?

[nqmonarch]

Quick little post on enjoying hobbies

Many times I've dealt with burnout in my life whether it be with art, writing, programming, or music. And I understand that if what you're getting burned out of is your job it's a lot harder to deal with but for those of you that don't have your hobbies as your job and are getting burned out that's okay!!!

Burn out is natural if you force yourself to do something then it's going to happen. If you make it your goal to write ten minutes every day and once you get started most days you're hitting at least an hour, then one day you can't even make it to five minutes of writing? It's okay to take a break!

I want to share my strategies for dealing with burnout:

-Take a break, really obvious I know but take a break and like an actual one. You don't have to do something else that day to be productive just take a break and do whatever your heart pleases, even if that's lying in bed and staring up at the ceiling for 5 minutes. I understand not everyone has the luxury of being able to take a break, so if that's you and you want to get over your burnout then hopefully one of the following strategies will help

-Experience your favorite emotion to feel. Sounds kind of confusing but we all have an emotion we like feeling more than other emotions (generally, a positive one). It's good to seek out media relating to that, for example I like feeling a sense of wonder when I see something completely new. When I experienced artistic burnout I suddenly had the thought of what was under the water (wildlife) of the Antarctic Ocean. Holy shit did I find some inspiring photos that I wanted to draw more than anything. Did they come out good? Hell no! But I kept improving at drawing.

-Don't focus as much on the end result. Especially if you're a perfectionist. What helped me overcome this is when I look at anything I've created I instead try to look at all the hours I poured in and the emotions I poured in, instead of just the end product. Be proud of the fact you worked so hard on something it may not be perfect but nothing is, and that's what makes everything so beautiful.

Preventing burnout:

-The most important thing is to keep going, no matter how small the steps are. You can take breaks but try not to make those breaks into something permanent. One day can very easily turn into one week which can easily turn into one month. What I like to do is the ten minutes rule for everything I'm working on I do ten minutes of it and generally I'll keep going once I get started. I get 5 rest days a month (which are flexible given the circumstances of my life) and if I don't do ten minutes and I'm out of rest days, Bertwin (my profile picture) gets punched in the face. I think finding a good motivator to do those ten minutes is the hardest part because once you've got ten minutes it gets a lot easier to keep going.

-Do different things in your life. Not like different things from what you currently do but try to do multiple things, like don't just do x and y hobby try to add more and give yourself people to talk to, sights to enjoy seeing, something that is just for fun.

-Cutout what causes burnout. This is hopefully not something the majority of you are experiencing but if you have someone that critiques every little thing you do in what you create then cut them out of your life (given that critiquing everything you create isn't that person's job, like an editor). It's really sad because it can be people close to you, and you love them, but for me, it sucks even more to not enjoy what I love doing.

Because at some point you did love doing your hobby, or else it wouldn't be your hobby. Just that love got lost somewhere along the way.

Decided to write this after finally enjoying playing piano again (to the point it can help bring me out of depressive moods) and my friend (much better at piano, used to play in competitions) told me to continue focusing on one singular song until it was perfect although that drains the joy out of piano for me.

It's okay to do things just to be happy with them,

who gives a shit if it doesn't sound that good? Or if you write or draw something and it doesn't get attention or gets negative attention?

You are doing something which should fulfill you and make you happy and you're improving at it because you continue to do it no matter what. You should be happy with yourself AND proud of yourself.

You're a wonderful person just for continuing to attempt to improve at something you love! It's okay to live your life for you, you don't have to always please or do something for others.

Just some things that help me

[blue-eyed-bloodstains]

Tell me about the first five photos you have on your phone or camera. in my phone gallery, the first two are selfies. one is a close up, one’s a mirror shot. the third is of our cat and our guinea pig who passed back in September that we had since 2018 both lying next to one another on my fiance’s lap. the fourth is of just our cat on his lap. the fifth is of the same guinea pig wrapped up in a ‘hidey hole’ in the blanket on the couch. 

Have you got any half or step siblings? a stepsister by marriage, and she’s the sister I never had!

Have you ever known someone online and then met them in person? If so, which website did you meet on? I’ve met several people online, two of which I consider sisters who I met in late 2007 and early 2008 respectively. I met the first one from 07 who’s name is Allie, my nickname for her is Bee, and she’s British and lives in the UK. December 2012 she got to go with her class in uni on a school trip to NY and I made damn sure I got there from NJ to finally meet her face to face. best three days of my life, despite hellish circumstances during and revolving around the trip...definitely worth it. I can’t wait to see her again hopefully in the near future since it’s been over a decade since (OMFG THAT LONG?!...)

oh and we met through roleplaying sites for the show Instant Star which was made by the producers and creators of Degrassi.

When was the last time you were sick and what illness did you have? I’m ALWAYS fuckin sick cause of my Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome...

Do you know anyone with a serious anger management problem? ha try my entire family on mom’s side, Mom being the WORST.

What color is your wallet? it’s black, gold zipper and it’s an Eevee wallet so it’s got a big pic of Eevee on it with symbols spread out in the background

Have you seen all the Lord of the Rings movies? many many times over!

Do you have an unhealthy obsession with colored furry throw pillows that are different shapes and sizes? no

Have you ever had to call the cops on someone else before? I don’t believe I ever did personally, but god knows all my life the cops have been called on us cause of the constant domestic violence with my mom and dad, and then later on because of my mom and me....

Don’t you hate it when people suddenly love a celebrity when they die? I mean I don’t take it personally but with anyone, not just celebrity but especially any human being especially those closest to you, it’s fucked up when they make such a scene after the fact rather than while they were still alive. it seems shallow as fuck and fucked up.

What was the last cocktail you drank? Jack and Coke and dear fucking god do I neeeeeeeeeed some right now!

Are you good at keeping running counts and tallies in your head? to an extent but my mind constantly runs so much and adding in my anxiety and short term memory issues...not very well or long

Are there any foods you hate the smell of but like the taste, or vice versa? hmm not sure really

Do you have a dishwasher? no and it sucks not having one 

Do you make to-do lists? no

What pet names do you use for your friends/loved ones? I call everyone hun, guy or girl. obviously babe, baby for my fiance. and my two close girlfriends who I consider sisters, I call one Suga and the other Bee. we also call each other nob too. inside jokes over the years that stuck lol

What pet names do you like to be called? babe, baby, girl (in affectionate way)

Have you ever developed your own film? no

What breed was the last dog you saw? I saw a few out with their owners yesterday on the drive to and from the cancer institute...umm I can’t really remember what kinds, but I could swear one looked like a border collie :P

What’s your favorite thing to do at the end of the day? relax as much as possible, distract with tv, scrolling through my phone, cuddle with the cat

Do you have a hard time letting things go? yeah 

When did you last feel fear? last week cause I slipped and it was obvious from how I was talking on the phone with mom, so needless to say I was terrified she’d text my fiance about it..

What last made you smile? phone call a little while ago with results from an ultrasound I had yesterday on my neck for an upcoming surgery, which were negative for any spreads

Have you ever walked through a sunflower field? yeah when I was very little, Mimi loved sunflowers and I have pictures of us standing in front of one...I don’t remember it though sadly

Are you a fan of Taylor Swift? What’s your favorite song from her? yeah, I’ve got several faves

What’s something great that has happened to you recently? finding out that my fiance saved up/set aside $3,000 so I can finally pay off all my fines from my DUI last year and revoke my probation so it’s finally over...such a fucking unbearable weight and stress for over a year now, is finally almost done and I’ll be free of it hanging over us...

Would you ever paint your bedroom bright blue? not bright but my bedroom at my dad and stepmom’s house I had painted a slate blue shade so it’s kinda on the semi darker side..kinda grayish blue similar to Tumblr homepage but lighter

What’s your favorite way to eat rice? with a fork, and with soy and duck sauce. I can’t use chopsticks to save my life lol

What’s something that has really impacted your life? so many things that I really can’t get into right now...

What did you last have as a snack? David brand pumpkin seeds with the shell (the same brand that makes the best sunflower seeds)

Do you like lima beans? they’re okay

How many bottles do you see from where you’re sitting? a few, wish they were alcohol

Do you ever do these surveys with your SO? no

Do you have a waste basket in your car? currently don’t have a car, but usually do a trash bag hooked around the stick shift, fiance does the same thing but he rarely uses it XD he just tosses stuff in the back or on the passenger side floor where I sit when I’m in it with him

What’s the last wild animal you have seen? birds around our house, and yesterday on the way to the cancer institute we saw a wild turkey along the side of the road :D we get those from time to time around here given all the land and farms

Something you were surprised to learn about your parent’s childhood? just how much partying and drugs they really did compared to the lighter version of honesty I got from them all my life...explained sooooooo much of my very young years (baby-7 years old)

Have you ever told a friend you thought their parent was hot? not to their face...XD

Have you ever destroyed another person’s belongings out of anger? no I grew up with shit being busted and thrown and used as a weapon even, I could never do that ever...

Which painkiller do you use? usually Ibuprofen/Excedrin. I have a prescription for Fioricet which is as needed for severe migraines, which I’ve had all my life genetically from my grandfather on mom’s side but the last several years I’ve weirdly been okay so yeah just over the counter mostly

Would you like to be part of a wedding party? I’ve been a guest to a few, but yeah to actually be like say a bridesmaid would be cool...although I’m waiting on my own wedding right now

Have you ever thrown anything up to hang on the power/phone lines? no

Something you taught yourself how to do? tie my hair in a ponytail and never looked back, write songs, some “feminine” needs...

What is the last song you listened to in a car? we weren’t playing any music yesterday, so I guess the radio station my last Uber had on which was on March 28th

Do you currently feel calm? yeah I’m okay right now

If applicable, what’s your favorite sports team? GB Packers, NY Giants, NY Jets

When did you last sign your signature? about an hour or so ago for a specialty med that was dropped off at my door. I had to sign the receipt to send back to them for no copay, that I received it, and to sign up for text message notifications regarding getting refills and shipping

What cover do you think is better than the original song? definitely Sound of Silence that Disturbed does. David Dreyman’s voice is so fucking perfect for that song, and I love the spin on it that they did. so haunting and beautiful and emotional.

Who is the last person that gave you butterflies? my fiance every day

Are you planning on kissing anyone tomorrow evening? yeah my fiance

Have you ever told a guy you were a lesbian to get him to leave you alone? no 

If you have a favorite television show, who’s your favorite character? impossible considering there’s so many shoes, let alone characters